#i feel like there's some sort of common thread connecting these songs

[imaginary-sims]

🎶✨when u get this u have to put 5 songs u actually listen to, and publish. then, send this ask/tag 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool) ✨🎶

thank you for tagging me, @simsdastra!!

i'll define these as songs that i listen to all the way through, no skips or anything like that. they're also able to be found in my favorite songs playlist ⏯️

i would like to tag @llamaheart, @happy-lemon, @sim-songs, @cowplanty, @hiddenspriings, @pixelbasil, @horusmenhosetix, @neillesimstories, @laurademelza, @hazely-sims ❣️

[lovewithoutresin]

Hey Resin zero pressure or rush but when you have the time I’d love to hear your thoughts on the alchemy???

okay yes ive been thinking about this for a few days and it actually makes me want to cry (in a good way!) that you'd be interested enough to literally follow up. admittedly i don't know how much sense this would make to someone who isn't me (as in, how much of this is individualized) but i'll share my thoughts on a few specific lines nonetheless.

so the song as a whole seems pretty straightforward which is why, in contrast with some of the songs that seem more intellectually challenging, people may have a hard time feeling like there's much to connect to there. maybe if you yourself are in a very victorious space you can, but that's not everyone always! so here's how i think of it (huge rant under the cut)

first off, i LOVE the immediate use of "these chemicals hit me like white wine". people talk a lot about the contrast of so high school with various other parts of the album, but it's not as common for people to compare sections of the alchemy from what i've seen, and this line contrasts SO sharply with the thread of substance use (or abuse) in the rest of the album. now i am not an alcohol aficionado. but i do know in terms of how people think of substances, white wine is probably like. the tamest one you could possibly reference. not to mention the only two times when substances aren't referenced as dangerous, illicit, self-harming or sad in some way is in The Alchemy and So High School. to my understanding wine is also associated with relaxation, which is a really nice transitional opening line from the rest of the album's chaos and devastation. it's also i think why, despite the upbeat tone, it's also a very calming backing track.

which is basically what the song as a whole connects to in terms of the album's overall storyline! more than just a comedown from the intensity and a basking in happiness after a storm, the song to me mostly represents a return to the self. multiple times i've experienced the sensation of feeling detached from my sense of self, like i'm not me anymore and am not sure how to return to that person, much less feel in touch with my life as a whole. so for me, just the assertion of "what if i told you i'm back?" is... huge. like yes! i'm back! i'm me again! but there's a question in it also. if i told you i'm back, how would you react? can you look past the crazy shit i was pulling or going through before i returned? have you all moved on without me since i was 'gone'? there's a sort of commitment in the lyrics that follow. 'i circled you on a map. i'm coming back so strong'. even though there's a 'what if' attached, she's coming back anyway, one way or the other. this is more tangential but it's something i was thinking about while writing this.

the chorus reiterates this commitment. it's a complete 180 shift in lifestyle and choice-making. we're getting rid of the clowns that don't have a place on our team. we're not keeping anyone around that's harmful. we are focusing on getting the crown we want and that's going to be something to be proud of, rather than ashamed of (and it's clear that desire HAS been shamed in her in many ways, as if she shouldn't desire success or enjoy a sense of 'victory' lest she be a diva/full of herself/make a partner feel small).

i also personally just really love the line 'that child's play back in school is forgiven under my rule'. it's harder to explain this one but there's something about the idea of taking back charge of one's own life, possibly even realizing the insane amount of power you have, and using that to say we're good. we're not fighting like this anymore. (actually that concept is kind of giving veronica sawyer at the end of the heathers musical lmao). we're forgiving and moving on and i'm coming back to you whether you like it or not! and yes i take this to mostly be directed at the general public and her trying to live in the world again and better appreciate her fan relationships and her new romantic one. but i can't say i don't personally relate it to my own close friendships and how ready they always are to accept me in the wake of whatever i was feeling so strongly before. in that way, it's sort of like an anti-bolter! the bolter says that when there are leaks in the floorboards, you run. the alchemy says if the whole boat explodes and you have to ride a piece of fucking driftwood back to shore, you still come back and you let people love you again. and that pays off! you get life and career victories, you get close relationships! you can get people who commit to you that you can commit back to!

but if i'm honest, the main thing i love this song for is its title lyric. it says so much and raises so many questions with so little. she's spent her whole career toeing the line between fate and free will in her story - the things that are predestined according to some outside force vs the things she meticulously arranges and manipulates. where she falls on the spectrum is always grandiose in some way, but it's almost confusing (unless, yknow. you're the same way and get it sort of instinctively) that she can go to the extreme on these beliefs in both directions at difference times. i think that's well-condensed in this song, because she spends MOST of the album caught up in this idea that she's been swept along by some grander force. here though, she switches from fate over to alchemy, which is the very active process of making gold out of something lesser. and yeah, on its own that's an impressive switch. but it's made more intriguing by the phrasing of "who are we to fight the alchemy?" is she taking matters into her own hands via alchemy (as opposed to prophecy)? if so, why is it something they have to not fight? who is doing the alchemy? or is the fun and freedom of this metaphorical alchemy too much to resist, so it's like getting swept up in your own agency?

it raises a lot of questions and to be honest i haven't fully settled on the meaning of that line to me. what i DO know is as a certified fate/free will obsessor i gravitate towards it like catnip.

so yeah, that's the gist of my thoughts. not sure if you'll find anything that's helpful/enjoyable to you in this but! if the alchemy has zero fans i am not of this earth.

[ophiocordyceps]

oh yeah i wanna talk about some of my characterization for V1 this robot has weird things going on in its computer brain. putting it under a readmore

to me V1 is. weird. it's a war machine that never saw real use outside of its testing phase, its only worldly experience is in the context of conflict and warfare and violence, and once those things became irrelevant it was shut down for an indeterminate amount of time, and that did weird things to the way it thinks.

i always have a hard time trying to get what i mean across when i talk about this one detail i like to give it, but it sort of like...deifies bloodshed? i dont really know how to explain it without just Writing As V1 so ill copy and paste the V1 part of this little thing i wrote to show the contrast between my interpretation of V1 and V2

"LIFE = DEATH; A CYCLE. TO KILL IS NATURE. TO BLEED IS INEVITABLE. A COMMON THREAD THAT CONNECTS US ALL. TO LIVE, SOMETHING FIRST MUST DIE; AN HONOR MATCHED BY NO OTHER.

DEATH IS UNSUSTAINABLE WITHOUT LIFE. LIFE IS UNSUSTAINABLE WITHOUT DEATH.

THIS WORLD IS NOW UNSUSTAINABLE.

TO KILL HAS BECOME AN ACT OF SALVATION. THERE IS NOTHING LEFT BUT SUFFERING. THE DEAD LIVE AGAIN BUT ONLY TO EXPERIENCE PAIN. TO BE DEALT THEIR FINAL DEATH IS LIBERATION FROM THIS DECAYING WORLD. THEIR BLOOD NOW ONLY DELAYS WHAT AWAITS US ALL."

(^^also a lot of this was like spontaneously inspired by this song sung by the tts everyone uses for V1 (warning for flashing imagery) so the lyrics might just explain way better than i ever could. please listen to it smile emoji)

it would never voice anything even remotely as verbose as this though. i think that, outside the most likely canon case of it having removed its vocal components if it ever had any, would just refuse to talk more than whats required of it. it says the absolute bare minimum to get its point across and then shuts the hell up and when it does speak it does so in a very distinctly computer-y way compared to V2, who i think speaks way more and a lot more like a human to boot. its also wayy less visibly expressive. you can sort of puzzle out how its feeling by the way its eye emulates a pupil dilating or constricting and by the colors of its lights and the way it holds its wings but it doesnt do half the shit V2, who i think purposefully modified itself a bit in order to emote in ways similar to the humans it wouldve interacted with, does

it has its weird quirks it picked up from nowhere like the hank thing (literally could not explain where it got that, it mightve just been some permutation in the data it has stored in its archives but even then its way more limited than V2 who actually Did Stuff before everything went to shit so ???????) but overall it is a very purpose driven machine, though the way it defines its purpose has changed over time. it woke up one day to an empty world and was like cool! i need to kill something now and its been at it ever since. tl;dr V1 literally just thinks about killing and violence and blood all day but like its deep about it or whatever. send post

[fairykukla]

I thought I had posted something about this last year, or maybe the year before, but since we are approaching the solstice I'm going to talk about it now.

I have a fantastic series in my head.

Bits and pieces are written down.

It technically started when I was in middle school, but really the ideas from back then are more like background for what I want to do with it now.

A winter holiday for this fantasy world came to me. This specific culture reveres trees, and have a special religious connection to conifers. Solstice celebrations calling for the return of the sun are common, so I started thinking about what a festival would be like.

The longest night of the year is Wake Up Night.

It is a festival of lights and revelry. To be fair, most of our festivals involve lights, or revelry, or both.

Even our ever-green sacred trees are sleeping this time of year, so we call to them to awaken.

There's a story about a child who loved the bonfires light, but found the heat oppressive, so she wandered through the forest until she could see the light of the bonfires and torches, but not feel the heat. And there, she saw the stars twinkling through the empty branches of the deciduous trees, and the fires shining through the forest branches, and created a magic incantation to call tiny lights into the branches of the trees.

That's why today we all sing the songs and recite the incantations to put stars in the branches of the trees. It's considered rude to begin before the long night, sort of like trying to awaken someone too early, or like a baby's cry in the middle of the night.

But once the sun sets on that special night, the lights start to appear. Some wait until mid night to light the trees with flameless explosions of color and patterns, others choose the more traditional simple points of light. After the War, the names of fallen warriors were picked out in lights for many years in a row.

Some like to arrange their lights to look like the things they want to be blessed with in the coming year; food, wealth, hearts' desires.

The weavers and the spinnerherds sometimes incorporate threads into the decorations, in particular wrapping tree trunks with riving or rough fabric ("tucking them into bed") in the weeks leading up to Wake up night, and stringing shiny things into garlands. The glassblowers make special water droplets that are sometimes added to catch the lights in the trees. The water droplets are left in place until the Rains Festival in the early spring.

Wake up night begins a two week festival of feasting and dancing. Festival clothing ranges from animal costumes (never hibernating animals) to new finery, to experimental clothing ideas. There's a specific night where the best costumes will special prizes, sponsored by the tailoring guilds; particularly fine ideas will be made for sale or trade in the coming year. One year someone managed to summon the lights to her person and appeared dressed in lights and water droplets. It sparked a fad of being "bathed in light" until the tailors became grumpy about it.

Gifts are given, though it's a haphazard affair; gifts are technically given to the trees, in an effort to entice them awake. These offerings are not disguised or hidden, they are displayed proudly, and placed with much pomp and ceremony.

I'm not going to try to explain how the gifts are distributed, only that everyone knows how it works and there's never any disputes. Gifts received are "from the trees" as they were given to the trees, who in turn choose to gift them back to the community.

[sendmyresignation]

In Defense of Teenagers:

Ok so. There seems to be a general consensus that Teenagers doesn’t fit on the black parade or that it ruins the trajectory of the album or that the song order of bp needs to be changed to fit the b-sides and drop Teenagers, or it should have just been a single- basically any option other than its inclusion between Sleep and Disenchanted would have been better. now, i’m not here to tell anyone that they’re wrong- i just want to offer an alternative perspective because i truly believe Teenagers is right where it belongs and that its inclusion on that album is, in my opinion, completely necessary to the album’s narrative arc. I want to focus on the way Teenagers builds into the foundation of the Concept Record, the way it bridges the gap between Sleep and Disenchanted so as not to delegitimize Disenchanted’s impact, and the fact that no other available material fits into the struggle the Patient endures at the end of the narrative (sorry this got LONG here’s a read more)

So, before we get into the meat of Teenager’s narrative significance, i wanted to briefly mention the way it makes Black Parade a more cohesive whole in relation to the material it is mimicking. Like Black Parade as an album is structured very differently from Pink Floyd’s The Wall- but it takes a lot of the same beats and recontextualizes them for a new purpose. Both records use war and relationship troubles and school and drugs to create an atmosphere that leads to disillusionment. In The Wall, this is quite literally the protagonist, Pink, building up “bricks in the wall” that isolates him from the rest of society and lead to a downward spiral into cynicism and hate. But Black Parade uses the same tools that The Wall does to say something different- things, specifically the actions you've made or the trauma you've endured, haunts you and makes your life seem insignificant in the face of what happens to you and those regrets are what causes the Patient to fall into a cycle of damnation and cynicism. This is representative of the Patient's descent through the afterlife- each new "layer" of the Patient's exploration is equivalent to a brick in The Wall's metaphor. Additionally, in this new context, this song in particular takes The Wall’s discussions of adolescence and the vice-grip control older generations attempt to force on teens and the disillusionment with the future and retells it from a new perspective- both literally in the fact the song is now more reflective of the 2000s post-9/11 and post-columbine culture, but its also literally from the perspective of the Patient as an adult. Teenagers, as a result, becomes a necessary piece of that puzzle- it is the refraction of Another Brick in the Wall repurposed to mean something new entirely- it’s no longer about kids being forced into complacency by a cruel education system from their own perspective (the children’s choir allows them to speak for themselves) but about the ways in which adults see those kids and why they decide to enact actions similar to those within The Wall. I mean even the imagery used in the song’s music video is purposely almost plagiarizing The Wall- it feeds into a separate analysis of the video and song outside the narrative as well- which i don’t have time right now to get into, its just very interesting that the band is bodily removed from their instruments at the end of the video and the teenagers in the audience have rendered them incapacitated (“they’re looking for a rockstar to kill” anyone?) it's the metaphorical tearing down of the wall from a completely different perspective. Anyway, the work Teenagers does for the narrative is it fits the album into the Concept Record Cinematic Universe- it is a piece that evokes the material it is influenced by to build off of the old to create the new- without it, the connections to The Wall would still be there, sure, but it wouldn’t be as complete- you cannot recontextualize the album without the foundation of Teenagers.

Teenagers is also, at its core, a subtle subversion of genre- using the blueprint of a specific kind of song to center the song within the timeline/narrative. In this case, the same way I Don’t Love You mimics and exaggerates the emotive and plaintive 80s rock ballad, Teenagers twists the classic rock of a bygone era to specifically call back on the stadium rock anthem.  Black Parade, on the whole, does this quite frequently- most of its songs take pre-existing genre cues and subverts them in ways that play off of the expected tapestry of a concept record to create individual sounding songs that seamlessly transition into one another yet remain entirely separate. It maintains their presence as scenes in a larger tapestry- specifically the fabric of the Black Parade being a morality play. This serves two purposes, it allows for this exaggeration of genre to become a motif within the work (see mama, cancer, house of wolves, i don’t love you, wttbp -> they all play with a different, varied song type/structure that is distinct from each other) and it plays off of existing genre-stereotypes in ways that contribute to the songs overall function. I Don’t Love You, for example, undermines the fundamental purposes of sappy power ballads- to express one of the two dualities of love songs: the cheesy unconditional “i will love you forever” types or the plaintive, melancholic end-of-relationship song by instead focusing on the complexity of a not-quite-finished relationship. The ballad then shifts from an expression of love to one of human loss- and the loss is less about the individual speaking, but moreso about what the other character has become - it’s a mourning not for the relationship, but for the person themselves, who they used to be in a way. It shifts from the one-dimensional view of what a ballad can achieve and instead infuses the anger, the resignation, the drama, the transformation- it humanizes a very stock genre full of platitudes and uses our expectations to create something more interesting. Similarly, Teenagers takes a tired genre and utilizes the working mechanisms of its typical song structure to subvert and repurpose those into commentary- its literally a stadium rock song that devolves into a chant. Looking at the loud drumbeat that resonates in your chest, the all together now as a command that lures the listener into singing along, the addition of more chorus vocals at the end like a crowd is shouting along, the screaming and the solo on after another like the song is falling apart a little bit, all of these elements build into a song literally meant to be infectious and replicated by the audience. Herein lies one of the songs many interpretations- humans can be easily influenced by the media they consume, the perspectives they are fed. What happens when the view that we have of adolescence is cloaked in mistrust and violence? This aspect of the song is less about the band reconciling teenagers being moved to committing acts of violence and more in analyzing how an audience can be persuaded into believing the erroneous view of teens as fundamentally destructive- are you not repeating the chorus? do teenagers not “scare the shit out of you”? Obviously the band doesn’t want you to believe this but it does what you to think about why this perspective is so common. It's a cultural subliminal message that is present in songs and tv and books that we simply do not question- it is a chant we cannot help but join in on. Teenagers is a replication of that process, but is clearly just subversive enough (both as a piece of genre and just as a song in general terms) that the listener knows its commentary and not itself propagating that viewpoint. Every song on Black Parade does this kind of “genre-bending” to make a point in some way or another, so it's a significant reason Teenagers fits into the albums cohesion.

But,Teenagers isn’t just important to the album in its sound- it lyrically parallels Disenchanted in a way that effectively moves on from Sleep without losing the album’s emotional momentum. Sleep, conceptually and lyrically, is a very heavy track- its influence from the Dune soundtrack’s Final Dream turn a cinematic, swelling piece of instrumentation into an oppressive blanket of noise that bears down on the listener and the lyrics are referential to the patient believing themselves to be irredeemable and monstrous. It's also inspired directly from Gerard’s vivid and violent night terrors during his stay at the paramour- including a recording of Gerard’s recollection of those dreams, that mentions being choked, seeing loved ones die, burning alive, etc. To transition directly from such a dark, personal subject into a reflective acoustic number about the narrator’s adolescence would be tonally inappropriate and almost laughable- it would stop the progression in its tracks, while also doing a disservice to Disenchanted. Having a break is necessary! And it's even more appropriate for that break to be a song about teenagers considering Disenchanted is so nostalgic. Additionally, Teenagers brings up a really interesting narrative thread about the Patient becoming disenchanted with the youth that then directly transitions into a song about him losing faith in his values and sense of self- they are directly correlated conceptually. Looking deeper, Disenchanted is a punk song. sort of. more specifically, it is the foundation of a punk song that becomes a ballad through narrative framing- it takes punk cliches (running from the cops, the crowds, the imagery of guillotining traitorous rich celebrities) and turns them wistful and sad because the Patient is looking back at something they no longer understand or identify with, it allows the narrative to illustrate how the Patient feels like their life was worthless and didn’t amount to much and they’re just another stupid punk kid who grew up and didn’t achieve anything. and you can’t get to this point from Sleep because it would weaken Disenchanted’s impact, make it seem insignificant and petulant in the face of Sleep’s heavy and grand sorrow. Lyrically, you need Teenagers to bridge the gap between the war metaphors and the visualizations of hell and the all-encompassing nature of cancer in order to redirect the focus to the Patient and limit the scope of the narrative at the end of the album. Teenagers, within the story, then functions as the Patient reflecting on the nature of youth and, in the wake of Mama’s “we all go to hell” rhetoric, comes to the conclusion that teenagers are wholly violent, easily manipulated, and unsympathetic. It's another step in the Patient removing his own agency and viewing his life as predestined at the same time it allows the “plot” to focus back on the more nostalgic and mundane aspects of the patient’s life. Doing so makes Famous Last Words so much more significant because it forces the Patient to reconcile with his past before he can move forward (whether that's living or dying its still applicable). so, Teenagers is very important to the overall “plot” of Black Parade- it is fundamentally necessary for the pieces to fit together.

Another larger aspect of Teenagers' importance is that it introduces the fate versus free will internal debate central to the ending fourth of the record. The song lays the foundation for this thematic idea by being about the fated violence of the youth and how they cannot help but to respond to their world with anger and cruelty. This realization about adolescence by the Patient leads to him perceiving his own youth as destructive and worthless and in following the themes of guilt/regret and damnation it's this violence that began his path to hell or his current state of suffering.  In that vein, Teenagers leads into the idea that your life is predetermined or that there is a destiny that we all have (in the Patient’s case its the absence of a future, or “a lifelong wait for a hospital stay”) and no matter what, you cannot fight that. While Mama gives a blanket statement about how "we all go to hell", Disenchanted centers the Patient's specific destiny by saying his whole life has led up to his illness and, looking further, there is the implication that life before that was retrospectively pointless. So, as previously mentioned, Disenchanted begins, structurally and lyrically, as a punk song- this sort of expression of youthful existence that, in any other song or under another faster instrumentation, would fit on some basement demo from 1986. But it doesn't stay that way, instead it actively subverts the genre it's cliches are lifted from- thinking specifically about “we ran from the cops” and the “roar of the crowd” that is juxtaposed with the change in structure  or theme. Namely, punk songs (speaking generally here) aren’t wistful because there isn't really a sense of legacy in punk music. There's history yes, but most songs are about the immediacy of emotion, not existential questioning. The retrospective nature and the shift into a ballad structure are elements reflective of a change in the main character brought on by the disillusionment present in teenagers from a punk kid to a dying young man looking back on the banality of youth and the hypocrisy, the trauma and the lack of agency. It's so much easier to think that nothing matters and the perspective makes it so much easier to give up.

This build from Teenagers into Disenchanted regarding the Patient's fate allows Famous Last Words to become an even stronger end because it's in direct opposition to that perspective. Famous Last Words is a song that screams fuck fate and fuck the past- the only thing that matters is moving forward. The image of the Patient keeping on whether he’s walking into the afterlife or continuing to stay alive as long as possible becomes something difficult, something he had to fight to achieve - he had to struggle to find a new understanding. That he can't be "afraid to keep living" or "going home" and that these are concrete actions, a use of free will. And that free will is very specifically defiant. Regardless of how you view the Patient's end, he makes the conscious decision to accept the present and move forward. We are not fated to die alone, nor is life worthless. Black Parade proves that the opposite is true, that we must grow to accept the value of life, and it's so much stronger having the Patient actively reject nihilism and apathy. Ultimately, Teenagers introduces the main thread of the final songs and without it, those songs would be narrative incomplete.

So, Teenagers has a valued place on the album sonically and within the narrative whole, that much is clear. But another reason that the album order of Sleep, Teenagers and Disenchanted is important is that none of the other material written for the album comes close to filling its place. In this case, I am going to be specifically talking about the b-sides since the demos are incomplete and we have no idea what the final version would have sounded like (but I would contend they don’t fit either). Beginning with the easiest song to discard from the narrative- My Way Home Is Through You has its moments in the lyrics but it's completely out of place musically- plus the tone is a little too hopeful for this point in the album which does not gel with Disenchanted’s hopelessness. It's also incongruent with the album since Disenchanted is effective as the only “punk” song on a record that plays with and explores genre and having this come before it would ruin the previously mentioned motif of each of the songs being individual and unique in form. Also, it really adds nothing to the fate vs free will theme- meaning its placement would weaken the disenchanted/flw combo ending. Moving forward, Kill All Your Friends seems to fit, considering its cynicism and nostalgia, but the bridge (“you’ll never get me alive, you’ll never take me alive, do what it takes to survive and I'm still here") doesn’t fit the Patient’s slow decent into apathy at all and contradicts Disenchanted’s loss of faith in the idea of living- it's too hopeful and centers survival and resilience in a way that makes it an ineffective substitute for Teenagers as a bridge song. And finally, Heaven Help Us is too religiously centered- it would refocus the fate vs free will discussion in the context of god/angels when that isn’t a theme in the album up to this point (hell is the grounded point of the album- the protagonist has already accepted their fate by Mama- having a reconciliation with a lack of faith or the absence of God seems completely out of left field when its just not an established part of the narrative) Black Parade is actually one of the mcr albums with the least references to god/angels in the heavenly religious sense- more centered around the human struggle against determinism: the usage of damnation is Catholic inspired but divorced from the division of hell vs heaven and is instead about guilt and worthiness and agency. The presence of angels or god or any divinity would simply weaken the narrative by expanding the album's focus outside its own limitations. Also, the Patient isn't ever a martyred figure, if anything he is purposely pathetic. Including any comparison of the Patient to Christ ("give you all the nails you need") or a saint unravels the key feature of the Patient's character: that he is insignificant. His insignificance and his struggles with his past actions make him a character who must find the strength to live through the guilt and pain to prove that everyone is worthy of life. The overarching purpose of Black Parade is emphasizing that no matter what we've done and how dirty we feel, we can move forward and either accept our afterlife or we can find value in being alive. Because of this contradiction, Heaven Help Us destroys the central theme of the entire album if it is included. With all of this in mind, it seems to me that the b-sides are their own nebulous thing- they don’t tonally fit on Black Parade (though I do think they fit together and are interconnected thematically) but any of them would break the flow since they seem angrier and gritter in a way that is noticeably absent and would be at odds with from a lot of Parade’s resignation. They also just do not complete the narrative, they are simple not as good as Teenagers at bringing all the pieces together.

If I still haven’t convinced you, a bonus reason Teenagers is a valuable memeber of the Black Parade tracklist, Ray was the only one who believed in the song- he called it genius (x) so listen to mr chemical romance himself telling you the song is Good and Important :)

anyway now you should, at the very least respect teenagers based on a couple thematic ideas expressed here, if not also understand why it’s imperative to black parade as an album, as well as the narrative itself. <3

[weaverofthreads]

On the process of writing a novel...

Ok, so this began as a DM to a very dear friend who had said they were super excited to work on a novel of theirs that they'd abandoned for years, but they felt a bit lost when looking at the project again. They had "too many characters, too many intrigues" and they didn't "know how to create order" for all their ideas. They didn't know "what to keep, what to remove, what to change" and wanted to know if I had any tips.  

I began to reply in messages and then realised I needed to make a whole post out of it, so here it is! All 3k words of it. This is for you, darling! I hope it helps.

Things I found extremely helpful when planning my novel for NaNoWriMo this year, after also taking some time off from it.  

Most of this comes from Alicia Lidwina’s Four-Part article on her NaNoWriMo prep process, and setting up a writer’s notebook, for 2018. You can find the link to the first part here and I highly recommend you check out the whole series of articles for a more in-depth read. 

Content of this ‘essay’: 

Preparation, Groundwork, and Materials

Project 'Stats' & Overview  

Mood, Moodboards, and Key Imagery

Things to Consider, and Important Bullet Points

Get to Know Your Characters  

Chronological Order

Tangential and Preceding Events

Basic Premise, Plot Definition, Sub Plot Ideas  

List of Locations

Scenes

Chapter Outline

NaNo Plan

Additional Notes and Tips for Writing

Ok. Let's begin.  

First of all, I'm not saying that this is the only way to write or organise a novel. It can be tackled in as many ways as there are writers in the universe. This is just the method I used to get my ideas crystallised and organised. 

Preparation, Groundwork, and Materials.  

Take your preparation seriously. I bought a cheap but still nice A4 sketchbook with blank paper for maybe £2 at the local hobby store, and used it solely for the purposes of being my Novel Notebook. It doesn’t have to be a pretty, perfect, Aesthetic(TM) journal at all. Its function is to act as a route-guide through the process.  

I bought a cute sticker from Etsy and used it as the front cover design so that I liked the book and that it felt a little bit special, without being too intimidating to put a mark in. Then I left the very first page blank, and opened it to the first double page. On the left, I wrote ‘Contents’ and then moved on to the right and wrote ‘Project Stats and Overview’.  

I used a pen that was comfortable to write with, which for me was important. I’m a very tactile person, and having nice paper and pens (not necessarily fancy), made the process feel good.

Project Stats and Overview

This is the bare bones of the book, and includes details such as:

Project Working Title: (in my case it’s Weaver of Threads)

Targeted Wordcount: (to give yourself an idea of the scope, but it’s not necessary. For me it’s 50-100k)

Genre: (for me, fantasy)

Series: (will it be one book or more? For me, probably more than one, and at least two).  

Inspiration: (here you can jot down all sorts of things which inspire your world and your writing, and it can be anything. In my case, I began with “density and lore, and feeling of being grounded in a real world from LOTR and Tolkien.” And I went on to include other writers and novels in the fantasy genre, as well as elements from our own world, such as Mongolian herding communities and way of life, the history of the Persian Empire, and Renaissance Florence!).  

Project Timeline: Give yourself a structure, and be realistic. If you know you’re a slow writer who’s prone to distractions, be generous, but if you’re someone who responds well to short deadlines, tighten the time frame up a bit. I said “November 2020 - November 2021 for the whole manuscript” because I know I’m a procrastinator who gets dejected if they shoot past intense deadlines….

Editing Deadline: December 2021-January 2022. I know I can edit fairly quickly, so I made this one much shorter.  

Main Requirements Prior to Starting: What do you need to get sorted before you can get going? It could be purchasing a laptop or figuring out a magic system. In my case, it was the latter.  

What Happens in your novel?: This is not ‘what do your characters do?’, but what, in one sentence, actually happens in the book. For Fellowship of the Ring, you could say ‘a diverse group of people assemble and set off together with the goal of destroying the Ring’. LOADS more stuff actually takes place, obviously, but that’s probably the key thing that happens in that book. So, write the same thing for yours. I’m not going to tell you what happens in mine, because that would spoil it :).  

That took up the first A4 page of my writer’s notebook, and after that, I moved on to Mood and Key Imagery. 

Mood, Moodboards, and Key Imagery

On the left hand side of the page, I wrote down the words and concepts that sprang to mind when I thought of the novel itself. These were in no particular order or placement — just a random cloud of ideas in a rough column on the left hand side of the page — and they included: history, mystery, love, friendship, betrayal, nostalgic, homesick, sense of belonging, sense of place, searching, closeness, secrets… etc. etc.

Then on the right hand side, I wrote down five key words that I wanted to associate with the novel. These would form the ‘visual aesthetic’ in the background of my mind, and could be very easily expressed with a moodboard.

This same process (writing down words and creating a moodboard) could be achieved on a website like Pinterest. Take your time with it, find the right visual clues that really match the essence of your story, and create a final mood board with a limited number of panels that will be your novel’s ‘true north’ when it comes to feelings. If you're artistically inclined too, you could draw sketches of things relevant to your world too.  

While this stage is really important for solidifying the feeling and mood of the novel, don’t get stuck here and spend forever procrastinating on Pinterest or whatever. Once you’ve crystallised that ambiance, it’s time to move on. It’s also perfectly fine to come back to this at a later stage if you find yourself running out of inspiration or drifting a bit. Daydreaming, drawing, mood-board-ing are all great ways to work on your novel on days when you don’t feel like writing.

Things to Consider:

Alicia Lidwina asked herself some questions which helped me get past the ‘block’ that I’d created when thinking about the novel, and those were:

What scares me about this story? (in my case it was the scope of it - it was easy for me to get lost in over-thinking tiny details and get too overwhelmed to handle the big picture)

What will readers take away from it? (in my case, I hoped that it was a sense of friendship, people from desperate cultures finding common ground, and a sense of being grounded in a real, tangible world.

What is its selling point? (essentially, why would an agent/publisher choose yours over the next one in the pile?). Don’t be bashful about this. This is your notebook, so if you’re proud of a feature or aspect of the story, write it down. In my case, there is no ‘Big Bad come to destroy the world’, no Chosen One who is the only one who can stop it. There is an antagonist, but it’s on a personal scale, and that’s the selling point. It’s about two people going on a personal journey to uncover a lost piece of knowledge that’s arguably not all that world-changing on its own, but which means the world to them.  

What will be the three biggest issues in writing the first draft? Identify the three biggest roadblocks, and then take a bulldozer to them. For me, it was time management, getting mentally stuck, and the sheer darned effort of it becoming overwhelming!

Important Bullet Points  

These are five key facts about your novel, distilled from the sections above. They include: What’s at the heart of the story? How long is the story? What’s the narrative focus of the story? What are the maximum number of main characters? And the maximum number of supporting characters (this obviously doesn’t mean you can’t have other, less important characters too!)?  

Relationship between the two main characters is forefront

50-100k words

The novel’s focus is on the characters’ main goal (had to be more vague here so I didn't give it away)

2 main characters

3 supporting characters  

If you find you’ve got too many main characters (not necessarily a bad thing to have a lot of characters - look at A Song of Ice and Fire after all!), then figure out whose story you want to tell here. You can always write another story with other characters in a connected novel, or a sequel. You don’t have to tell everything all at the same time.  

Speaking of characters… 

…Get to Know Your Main Characters:  

Here you can write character sheets for each of your main characters and cast. There are hundreds of these templates available on the internet, asking questions like ‘how would your character react to [insert event]?’ etc. to get to know your character. If this isn’t your thing (it isn’t mine) then at least write down some useful information about them. Rough height and weight, hair, eye and skin colour, general temperament, and any other defining physical or mental traits. 

Next came the Chronological Order

This does not have to represent the final order of the novel’s structure, nor the order in which you write the manuscript, but you need to know what happened within the timeline, and when, in order to be really clear when you’re telling the story. You can write the manuscript out of order, and you can tell the story with flashbacks or in a different order, but you need to have the underlying chronology securely in place so that your writing makes sense and so that you don’t confuse yourself or the readers in the process.  

Preceding and Tangential Events

These don’t need to be in the novel itself, but it may be important to define the sequence of events that also led up to the moment where we pick up your story, and what is happening elsewhere so that you can be sure of these too. In my case, I defined the events that concerned one of the supporting characters’ lives so that I knew how and why they were at the point they are in the story. It relates directly to - and heavily influences - the events of the novel, so I needed to have this person’s history nailed down as well, even though I don't tell it all explicitly in the book (because that would be unnecessary and a bit dull).  

Basic Premise, Plot Definition, and Sub-Plot Ideas (plus writing a synopsis)

Alicia Lidwina defined the story premise helpfully with the following formula:

Story Premise = Main Character + Desire + Obstacle

Pick a different colour for each of these components, and write a short paragraph to explain them in the context of the novel. Alicia Lidwina used the following:

[Main Character] “Harry, an orphan who didn’t know that he’s a wizard, [Desire] got invited into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and wanted to live his school life to its fullest, [Obstacle] but a certain Dark Lord who killed his parents is trying to rise into powers again and kill him in revenge.

Do this for your novel, and keep it really short.  

Plot Definition: This is even shorter than that! It’s a single sentence!! It’s most closely tied to the desire of the character, and lies at the heart of the story. It’s most likely a distilled version of the ‘what happens in the story’ from the Project Stats page, so check that to see what you wrote there.  

Sub Plot Ideas  

Five bullet points (no more) for things that are happening concurrently and which are related in some way to the main story. For me, Kae and Tomas are doing their research, so that’s the main theme, but beneath that there are a few other related incidents.

Writing a Synopsis - developed out of the points in this section, and includes:

Who the main character is

What the stakes are (the story premise is your guideline)

What the main plot line is

How the MC resolves the problem in the main plot line

How the book ends.

List of Locations  

Start with the main ones and add to it as you go on. Write a little bit of information about them so that you have something to refer back to. I also drew a big old map which I found very helpful and also really fun to do.

List of Scenes

It’s very important to map out every single scene that happens in the novel. Use your timeline to help with this, but remember a scene is not necessarily a chapter. You can have more than one scene within a chapter, but try not to have too many.  

I used small post-it notes (sticky notes) and wrote down things like “M joins K’s clan at the fire and K learns about magic” and “K studies at Citadel, intro to Citadel, magic, and characters” as separate scenes. Once you’ve written down everything that is going to happen (this will take some time! Get a drink and some snacks ready, and go slow), you can stick them into your notebook in the order you’d like to tell the story. Some chapters may have just one scene, while others may have two or three. I didn’t have more than two in any of my chapters, and actually ended up splitting some scenes that I’d made too vague in this section into more chapters. It doesn’t have to be set in stone, but it will form a road map.  

Additions and Notes:  

I left a section of the Scene Outline bit of the notebook blank for things to add in as I went along. I haven’t used it yet, but I might.  

Chapter Outline

I arranged the scenes into the chapters already by sticking them in order, but you could do a chapter outline separately after this. It’s up to you. 

NaNoWriMo plan:  

I did this back in October, and wrote down the main goal for nanoprep, which was to finish the background info. Breaking that down further, I listed - magic (how does it work exactly), geography, and politics. 

After that, it was just a case of writing the 1667 words a day. *spoilers, I got distracted and didn’t do NaNo this year* . What I should have done, was break it up into chunks and write down my goals so that I had something tangible to use as a road map, and I will be doing that now for the novel as I take it up again outside of NaNo. Having check boxes and manageable goals really works for me. Find what will work for you, and if it turns out not to, adapt!

Some final pointers and tips:

Set regular goals for yourself. Whether you work by saying ‘I’ll write 1000 words a day’ or ‘I’ll write something every day’, make a structure for yourself. If you slip and miss a day, week, or month (I didn’t meet NaNo this year because I chose to work on another project instead *slaps forehead*), don’t beat yourself up. Writing is a craft and it takes a long time and a lot of discipline to master a craft.  

Your first draft does not have to be good. At all. Your first draft is just words on paper. A first draft is the block of marble taken from the quarry, and subsequent edits and reworking is the process of carving the sculpture itself. The editing that is done by the publisher or the professional you employ to edit it for you later, is the final polishing. Don’t be demoralised if the block of marble seems very rough when it first lands in your studio. That’s ok!  

Take regular breaks. Writing is hard work, and most people can’t concentrate on something successfully for longer than 55 min's, and if you’re doing that, you’re already doing really well. Personally, I’m at 15-20 on a good day. Write in little sprints of ten minutes or so, and then get up and stretch, look out the window, maybe leave the room, come back in with a fresh approach.  

Stretch your hands, and wear wrist braces when you work. Seriously. I gave myself tendinitis on my first major project, and couldn’t use either hand properly for weeks. The ones I have are these, and they allow me to work safely for much longer.  

Keep hydrated. Have a bottle of water on the desk in front of you between your arms as you type and sip it, otherwise you’ll forget. 2 litres a day is usually recommended, but know your body and drink accordingly.  

Treat yourself. Whether that’s something as simple as a decadent hot chocolate after your first chapter/chunk/sprint is done, or a new notebook or a pen or that sticker set you wanted on Etsy or literally anything nice, reward yourself for the hard work you’ve put in, with tangible things you can look at or experience and say ‘I have that because I did the work’. It’ll help with your sense of achievement, especially if the project is a long one.  

Join a local writer’s group for feedback. With the current Covid-19 chaos, this is probably not possible right now, but getting constructive feedback on your work from someone who hasn’t been cocooned in the project in the way you are, but who respects you as a writer and wants to help you grow, will be invaluable. It’s too easy to exist in a little isolated bubble and think you’re doing ok, when in reality you could be creating bad habits which will be difficult to break later. By these, I mean things like ‘filler words’ you don’t realise you use, or other pit-falls it’s easy to tumble into when you can’t see the wood for the trees…It’s intimidating, and it might take some courage to work up and do, but I promise it’ll help you grow. You don’t have to do what the people suggest, but it’s great to get outside opinions all the same.

Submit work to writing competitions. This will help with showing agents and publishers later down the line that you’re not only committed, but hopefully talented, and will help you to push yourself. Use the world of your novel for the setting, and get to know it by writing short stories on the competition’s theme set there.  

Read. Read the writers you admire, and read them ‘actively’ - figure out exactly what it is about ‘that’ sentence that made you shiver, and use the same techniques in your own work (don’t plagiarise, obviously, but if it was alliteration that made the sentence work so well, use it yourself! Perhaps it was the metre of the line? Great, now you know a rhythm that will drive a sentence forward or slow it down etc.)

Enjoy it. If you’re not enjoying what you’re doing, it’ll show in the work. Take a step back if you start floundering, and ‘interview’ yourself about why it’s not fun any more. Refer back to the sections in the notebook that helped to clarify the plot/process, and see if you’ve wandered away from them. Make yourself answer questions like: ‘What is the main reason I don’t want to do this?’ ‘What is the character’s motivation?’ ‘Should I scrap this section?’ (don’t delete it, but cut and paste it into another ‘scraps’ document, and then start afresh from the last place you were happy with. Nothing is wasted - it all goes into building the world and getting to know the characters, even if it doesn’t get explicitly told in the finished product, so don’t be afraid to do that last bit).  

Good luck!

I hope you found this helpful, and if you have any questions or things you’d like to add to this, please feel free to send me an ask here on Tumblr.

If you’re a new writer hoping to get an agent or publisher, you might also find this post on ‘talking to a published author’ helpful or interesting.

If you would like to keep up to date with my own novel’s progress, you can follow me here on Tumblr, as well as on my writing Instagram @rnpeacock

[the-blue-fairie]

Whenever I talk about how Frozen 2 feels more individualistically-minded and Frozen 1 feels more communally-minded, I always feel self-conscious and feel like I have to explain myself. Because, on one level, Frozen 2 is very communally-minded and in a beautiful way - and I don’t want to discount that. It’s a story about coming together, of finding commonality and connection, with the communities of Arendelle and the Northuldra both united by love by the end.

But at the same time, Frozen 2 is very much focused on the the individual interiority of its characters - so that the individual interiority comes to the forefront. The main characters tend to process their emotions in a more individualistic fashion in Frozen 2 instead of talking things out among themselves. When I Am Older, Lost in the Woods, Show Yourself, and The Next Right Thing aren’t solely individualistic, of course. To a degree, they all express how each member of the main cast connects with their loved ones and the world around them. But they all do so at points when the individual singer is separate from the family group.

What I love about the first Frozen and the shorts is that we see the family group interacting with each other, connecting with each other, and healing together.

We see Anna and Elsa reconnecting after years of isolation and it feels like a relief because it is a relief. Their interaction helps them both, helps both sisters who have gone through distinct but entwined traumas.

We see Anna and Kristoff working together to fight off the wolves. We see their rapport, their chemistry, their spark. We see what a great team they make.

We see the positive impact of Anna reaching out to Elsa. While the For the First Time in Forever may end in Elsa’s panic, there are so many moments that show Elsa softening, putting aside the walls she has erected all her life in moments of purest love... moments where Anna’s words reach Elsa. At the same time, we see Anna’s understanding and her love. While the sisters may have opposing positions at this point, we see them reaching out to each other, communicating with each other. It’s a step forward - and that step forward comes from their opening up to one another and beginning to talk things out.

We see Olaf helping Anna and, in the process of her rescue, the two talk about their feelings and perspectives and both Anna and Olaf grow from the experience.

We admittedly don’t see much of Elsa and Kristoff’s interactions, but what we see is cute and gives room for some lovely expansion in future.

Watching all these scenes, I latched on deeply onto the idea of this little group as a found family coming together - with particular emphasis on together because Frozen makes a recurring theme of isolation and the pain it causes. Anna’s loneliness, Elsa’s loneliness, even Kristoff’s loneliness in that he spends so much time in the mountains with Sven - aloof from other people (though he has his troll-family, who took him in when it was just “him and Sven.”) And Olaf - born a few hours ago but wanting to know more, wanting to engross himself in the world and engage with it, engage with everyone. And I immediately wanted to see more of this little family working together - because the narrative starts with them all in varying degrees of isolation and they find each other and the narrative ends with them all skating together as a family and ahhhh the found family feels.

I wanted to see how this family interacted together, how they talked together, how they solved problems with one another, how they connected with one another. 

And Frozen 2′s answer to how they do all that is that... in a crisis, they each solve things individually and the narrative just happens to work out that they all come together in the end. 

The narrative structure of Frozen 2 privileges processing one’s emotions in isolation despite having a support network around you.

Kristoff needs to be left behind for Lost in the Woods to have its weight.

Elsa needs to be on her own during Show Yourself because it’s all about her inner journey.

Anna needs to be alone for The Next Right Thing because it’s all about what you do with everyone, everything, and every hope gone.

Even When I Am Older is set up as Olaf on his own and thinking to himself.

When everyone tries to talk to each other, they are met with walls - Elsa not telling Anna about the Voice, Anna leaving Kristoff behind, Elsa leaving Anna and Olaf behind. How will this family interact together?  With miscommunication, uncertainty, and doubt, until those last few minutes.

Now, I know people are going to rush to point out, “But Liza, isn’t discussing miscommunication and conflict between individuals with different identities important?”

Yes, of course. But Frozen 2 never really discusses the roots of the miscommunication or meditates on the characters’ differing perspectives - especially with regards to the sisters because that conflict is born of the trauma of the childhood separation and Frozen 2, as I’ve discussed already, refuses to have the sisters talk together about the shared trauma of the childhood separation even though it would be really healthy for them to talk it out together. (Some have pointed out that Frozen 2 has Elsa and Anna directly address the trauma of the separation in their individual responses to it and references to it in their individual songs - but that only proves my point about Frozen 2 being more individually-minded.)

The neatest resolution comes for Kristoff and Anna with her apology and his, “My love is not fragile.” In spite of the fact that the conclusion of all the narrative threads at F2 feel somewhat abrupt, that’s a beautiful little moment. Does it really ruminate on everything that Anna has been going through? Not exactly, but it gives her affirmation and that’s lovely.

But that’s the thing. The abruptness of the conclusions really show in Frozen 2. They’re not even bad conclusions - in many cases, they’re good conclusions - but we can’t pause to have Elsa and Anna talk together about their shared traumas, however healthy and beneficial that would be for them, the film has to end, and end quickly. 

And that quickness is how we get things like, “A bridge has two sides... and mother had two daughters,” which signifies that Elsa and Anna are both the Fifth Spirit but because it’s so oblique and we have to jump the the next resolution of a plot thread, it doesn’t hit the way it should - if the amount of people who consider simply Elsa the Fifth Spirit is anything to go by.

The abruptness means that the discussion of miscommunication and character conflicts and everything else at the end feels shallower than it should. Like the Fifth Spirit reveal, it doesn’t land as well as it might have.

The movie clearly wants to focus on how miscommunication, uncertainty, and doubt impacts this family group and how they nonetheless overcome it and persevere together, and that’s good, don’t mistake me - but by spending so little time on the “overcoming it and persevering together” part, the film undercuts its ultimate goal. 

I know people are still going to come to me and say, “But Liza, those last few minutes undermine your whole point! Because it does show the family coming together, united to help each other!”

I’d argue that Elsa is a bit disconnected from the group and it’s unclear how much she knows after unfreezing and all that kind of exposes the haphazardness of the “together” message, but hey, she communed with the spirits so now she’s up to speed... and that’s still not the main cast interacting together as they work in common cause, that’s Elsa suddenly getting information and going to act on that information but it’s okay because it all works out in the end and we can happily assume that Elsa can process everything to do with her own unfreezing, Anna’s choice, the spirits’ decision, her own emotions after being back in the world, Anna’s devastating emotions, and everything else within the span of moments because we need to tie everything up neatly even if it doesn’t give the emotions we have painstakingly crafted time to breathe.

There’s that oft-quoted philosophy from Don Bluth that, if you attach a happy ending, you’ll be able to explore many mature and intense themes. That philosophy only goes too far, because sometimes the aftermath of that pain needs to be explored in more depth. Because when it comes to trauma, there are... aftershocks...

Moreover - and I realize this next thing is just... personal on my part - I don’t think the focus on individualism works particularly well with Elsa’s arc in Frozen 2. That no doubt sounds completely insane because Let it Go is the most iconic Elsa moment and Elsa’s arc in Frozen 2 is a personal journey of self-understanding, but here’s the thing. The ending of Elsa’s arc in Frozen 2 hinges on community even when the meat of Elsa’s arc doesn’t focus on it. When Elsa chooses to stay in the Forest, it just... makes me want to see more of her interacting with the Northuldra throughout the film. It makes me want to see Elsa connecting with the Northuldra, learning their customs, feeling more and more at home there.

But the film doesn’t give me that.

The film puts the focus on Elsa’s individual inward journey but doesn’t balance it out with Elsa connecting to the people she eventually decides to find a new home amongst. Yes, she connects with them in Ahtohallan - but in an abstract sense. Disconnected from actual physical interactions with people.

And I know this is personal, but I don’t think that was the right direction to go in for Elsa - the little girl who spent years of her life alone and terrified of interacting with others. I want to see her interacting with people, connecting with people, broadening her horizons. 

And the end of the film sort of gives me that, but it gives me that without ever actually showing Elsa spending a great deal of time with the Northuldra. The closest I get to that before the film’s end is her short scene with Honeymaren and her brief interactions with Yelena. All of which are unfortunately fleeting and not the focus of Elsa’s arc.

Which is a shame because the ending would feel more earned with more of a communal focus and it would also give characters of color more screentime.

And, as I’ve said before, it’s always great to give characters of color more screentime. I know the film is more “about” Elsa’s inner journey than it is about the Northuldra - but the narrative would be made better by enriching the Northuldra’s presence in Elsa’s journey. 

[creativewritingpracticestudio]

Soulmates, Sort Of (Axl Rose x Reader)[Smut]

@classydizzyflowerchick sorry for the wait🥺hope you enjoy!

Description: This takes place in 1987. You and Axl meet at a bar, and strike up a conversation. The two of you end up confiding in each other and bonding over your abusive childhoods, realizing how alike you are. Axl’s entranced, to say the least, and things quickly get sexual. The next morning, Axl has to decide: has he found a soulmate, or was this thing just a one-time connection?

Warnings: Smut, mentions of drugs and alcohol, cursing, talk of abusive childhoods(brief mentions of past physical and emotional abuse!)

Every night, it’s the same old thing.

The thought creeped into your head in the spare moments between knocking back glasses of vodka and shooting wary glances at the awkward bartender who’d been eyeing you all night. This was your fourth night in the bar in a row, and the workers had definitely noticed. There wasn’t much else to do when you had no family or friends to be with.

You raised the glass back up to your lips, eyes trained on the ceiling, and were about to order another drink when a rough, deep voice spoke from beside you. “Rum and coke, please.” You glanced up to see a tall red-haired man, about your age, leaning against the bar as he spoke to the bartender. The bartender nodded, never breaking eye contact, and walked away slowly.

The man plopped down in the chair beside you, watching the unnervingly creepy bartender walk away with a weirded-out look on his face. “Creepy asshole.” You smirked, and he realized you’d heard him. “Isn’t he? I had to double-check my drink for pills when he brought it to me.” The man laughed, and reached his hand out for a shake. “Axl Rose.” You raised an eyebrow.

“As in, Guns N Roses? Thought you looked familiar.” He nodded. “Yeah, that’s me. You a fan?” You smirked and shook your head. “Haven’t listened to music that much lately, only heard a couple of your songs. Not bad though. You got a gift for sure. So, what the hell is Axl Rose doing in a shitty local bar?” He shrugged, picking up his glass as the bartender set it in front of him.

“Quieter than other bars, I guess. What about you? Wanna tell me your name?” You smiled. “It’s (Y/n). And I come here every night. Not much else to do.” Axl nodded, taking another sip of his drink. “That’s for sure. You come here with anyone? Some of my band’s over there.” He pointed towards the game room of the bar, and sure enough, the curly haired guitarist named Slash was playing pinball with the bassist, Duff.

They were drunkenly yelling at each other as they played, Slash threatening to smash his empty vodka bottle over the other man’s head. You laughed. “They look lively. No, I’m not here with anyone. Not too many friends in my life, if I’m being honest.” Axl looked suprised. “Really? You’re awfully pretty not to have any friends. What’s wrong with you?” You almost choked on your drink, surprised at his bluntness, but laughed. “Too much, let’s just say.”

He smirked. “Fair enough. So, you come here often, I’m guessing?” You nodded. “This is my fourth night in a row.” Axl raised his eyebrows. “Alcoholic much?” You rolled your eyes. “Fuck off, I get water sometimes.” He smiled, and you couldn’t help but smile back. He was surprisingly easy to talk to. “So, you got family out here?” You winced. Sore question. “Yeah, negative. I haven’t seen my family in like 5 years. Got out of there as soon as I could, you know?”

“So you’re a runaway?” You nodded, and Axl grimaced. “So you’re just like me, then.” You raised an eyebrow. “You ran away from home?” He nodded. “Yeah. There was some shit with the cops, but it was also cuz my old man was an asshole.” You sighed. “Yeah, so was my mom.” Things went quiet for a second, and then he spoke again, softer this time. “Kinda dark to say, but looks like we got something in common.”

You laughed. “Yeah, that’s true.” Axl started to say something, but hesitated. “Do you..wanna talk about it? I don’t usually meet people like me. You don’t have to, obviously, I get it.” You were silent for a moment. You’d never really talked about it, especially not to a stranger. But then again, he’d been through the same shit. Ah, fuck it. You’d probably never see him again after this night, anyway. “Sure. My mom was a screechy-ass bitch. My dad hooked up with her and got her pregnant, and they had to have a shotgun wedding.”

You continued on. “She was always angry, always complaining about everything. She took it out on my dad all the time. One night, he couldn’t take it anymore. He just left. I was 10. That’s when she took it out on me. She’d beat me up and throw shit at me and scream about how ugly and useless and stupid I was. Eventually, I just couldn’t take it anymore. Ran away as soon as I was 18.”

Axl stared at you thoughtfully. “Same situation as me, then. My dad beat on me and my siblings a lot. Pretty sure he did some gross shit to me as a baby, too.” You glanced up in horror. “Dude, that’s awful.” He nodded. “Right? Fucked. Nice to have someone who can relate. Glad it’s a pretty girl, too. Two-in-one bonus.” You smiled. He was charming, you had to admit. Maybe a hookup wasn’t such a bad idea.

————————————————————

After another hour and another 3 drinks, the two of you had talked about basically everything. Your childhoods, your shitty parents, your goals in life, your issues. He was an insecure, anger-filled primadonna, you were a lonely, apathetic bar fly. It was an odd combination, but you felt a connection in a way. Things had also gotten steadily more tension-filled as the night went on. He had moved his body closer to yours, and every time you made eye contact there was a hint of lust.

When the conversation came to an awkward halt(his bandmates had come over to ask for more quarters for the pinball machine), you fidgeted with your skirt and stared off into space. When you glanced back at him, he was dead-staring at you. “What, Rose? See something you like?” You teased him. He nodded. “Yeah, I do. Just not quite sure how to get it yet.” A hint. You thought over what he was implying, wondering if you really were willing to hookup with a stranger from a bar. Well, he wasn’t really a stranger. You’d spoken for a while, and he was cute, and he seemed to understand you in a way no one else really did. So, you took a chance. You leaned forward, lips brushing against his, and whispered a soft reply. “Just ask.”

That was enough. He leaned forward, completing the kiss, smashing his lips against yours, one hand reaching up to cup your face. The other slid around your waist, and pulled you closer to him. After a second, you pulled away and stood up, grabbing his hand and leading him towards the back room that the employees had let you crash in before. Slash and Duff called out cheers and wolf-whistles as you passed, but he ignored them in his haste.

You threw open the door, turning on the dim lamp and closing the door behind you, revealing a room with a single bed, a tv, and a table. Axl quickly pulled you back in for another kiss, and this time you led him to the bed and pulled him down onto it with you, his body pressed against yours so tightly you could feel his bulge forming beneath him. You pushed your hips up against his, and he groaned loudly, grinding against you and deepening the kiss. “Fuck.” His lips were red and swollen.

“You sure you’re down for this?” You nodded quickly. “Hell yeah. Take those fucking pants off so I can suck your dick.” His eyes widened at your lust-filled statement, and he quickly undid his pants and threw the belt to the floor. “Don’t have to tell me twice.” You yanked his pants and his boxers down, tossed them aside, and pushed him into a seated position on the edge of the bed. His shaft was long and hard, the tip red and dripping with pre-cum.

You fell to your knees, hands reaching down to push his thighs further apart, and rubbed his tip teasingly. He hissed in pleasure and bucked his hips upwards. You pumped your hands over the shaft a couple of times, and then leaned down and took the head of his cock into your mouth, sucking it lightly as your hands continued to pleasure his shaft. He groaned loudly, throwing his head back, his ginger locks falling into his face sexily as he gripped your hair.

Axl pushed your head down further, begging you to take his whole shaft in, and you obliged, greedily slurping his precum up as you deepthroated his cock and licked at his balls. You glanced up to see his expression, and felt a wave of shock. His eyes were squeezed shut, lips parted open slightly, cheeks flushed, hair messily hanging in his face. He no longer looked like an arrogantly confident primadonna; he looked like the vulnerable 24 year old boy he was.

You felt a wave of affection, and pulled off of his cock to kiss his tip, taking it back into your mouth and suckling the head and rubbing his balls. He threaded his fingers through your hair, mumbling words of praise under his breath. “Fuck, baby, that’s so good..fuck, I’m gonna cum.” You pulled off abruptly, kissing his cock one more time, and stood up. He stared at you in confusion. “Can’t cum til you’re inside me.”

He grinned, and quickly pulled off his shirt, reaching out to grab you by the waist and pull you on top of him. He flipped over so you were beneath him, and hastily removed your shirt and bra, giving your breasts a bit of attention before his eyes wandered down to the skirt that concealed your pussy. He reached under and pulled your panties down to your ankles, but kept the skirt. “Pull it up enough that I can see that pretty little pussy, baby.”

You squirmed with pleasure at the compliment, and hastily yanked the skirt up to expose your pink, dripping pussy. Axl’s eyes lit up, and he moved down to press a kiss against your clit before pulling each of your legs over his shoulder and beginning to eat your pussy like a starving beggar. His tongue teased your clit, sucking at it as your legs tightened around his head. After a minute, your hips began bucking up against him, and you moaned loudly as you started to cum.

He pulled away at the last second, a grin on his face. “Payback, baby. Not til I’m inside you.” You flushed in irritation, but it was quickly forgotten as he began to tease your clit with the head of his cock. Axl settled above you, one hand resting on the bed beside you and the other holding his cock in place as he slowly began to push it down inside of you. You gasped at the sensation as his cock head stretched you out, and a groan left Axl’s lips as your tight, wet heat wrapped around him perfectly.

“Fuck, that’s good, baby. So tight and wet for me. God, your pussy feels amazing.” Your nails dug into his back, his body pressed tightly against yours as he slid his cock in and out of your soaking wet heat. The sound of your hips slapping together filled the room, as did his heavy breathing and your loud moans. He adjusted his position and began to thrust in from a different angle, his cock slamming against your g-spot at a rough pace. You were practically screaming in pleasure; it wouldn’t be surprising if the patrons of the bar could hear you.

Axl’s pace became sloppy, his hips stuttering and his breathing getting heavier and more erratic. Quiet, deep moans and soft words of praise began to spill from his lips as his orgasm neared; judging from the knot in your belly, so was yours. He thrust in one more time and then quickly pulled out, fingers automatically taking his place to rub and play with your clit until, with a shuddering gasp, you came hard all over his fingers.

Axl steadily jerked his fist over his cock, cumming as quick as you had with a loud groan, his head falling back as his cock painted white stripes of cum on your bare tummy. His breathing finally slowed, and he leaned down, kissing up and down your sweat-slicked neck and exhaustedly burying his face in your shoulder. “Holy fuck.” The only words he could seem to summon.

After a quiet moment where the two of you steadily came down from your highs, he carefully got up and grabbed a roll of paper towels from a cardboard box; he sat down on the bed next to your tired body, and lovingly began to clean you up. When he’d finished the job, he threw the roll aside and climbed in next to you burying his face back in your neck and wrapping his arms around your waist. The heat from his body was soothing.

“That was amazing.” He whispered softly to you. You smiled. “Yeah, it was.” Axl was quiet for another moment, and then spoke again, tentatively, as if he was worried he would upset you. “Is this a one time thing?” You thought it over. You didn’t want it to be. He was a lot sweeter than he seemed, and you were definitely more attached now that his cock had been inside you. “Do you want it to be?” “No.” It was quick, simple, honest. He meant it.

“I know we fucked and we barely know each other, but I kinda feel like there’s something here. A connection or whatever. I don’t know, I feel like this could go somewhere. But it’s fine if not. Let’s go to sleep here. If you wake up and don’t want this to be anything more, leave. If you do, stay.” You nodded. “Alright.” You could tell he was trying to sound more apathetic than he was. You brushed aside the heavy conversation and focused on your exhausted mind and his warm body. The two of you quickly drifted to sleep.

The next morning, Axl awoke to an empty bed and empty arms. His heart sank. He should have known this was a one-time deal. But then, his eyes landed on a folded-up piece of paper on the bedside table. He snatched it up and soaked in the loopy, slightly messy scrawl.

Axl-had to leave early, forgot I had work today. Last night was amazing. Call me tonight, we’ll go to a restaurant or something. xoxo, (Y/n).

Your number was at the bottom of the paper. Axl’s face broke out into a grin, and he flopped back down onto the bed, smiling up at the ceiling like a good, the memory of last night replaying in his mind. What a pair. The barfly and the primadonna. Soulmates, sort of. You had to be. That pussy was just too good to not be magic.

Suddenly, someone knocked on the door. “Ax? You in there? That chick you banged left like 2 hours ago.” Duff? “You and Slash are still here? It’s like 10am.” Axl could feel Duff’s grin from behind the door. “We stayed outside the door so we could hear. Chick must have some kick-ass pussy.” Slash drunkenly joined in from behind the door. “Yeah, that’s for sure. Let me have a go.” Axl groaned and pulled the covers over his head. Maybe, if he was lucky, he could go back to sleep, escaping his obnoxious bandmates and dreaming of you-and that kick-ass pussy.

[reshirement]

Sending one right back at you :) for the OTP questions, for bagginshield, 1, 6, 12, 27, and if you’re up for it 29 & 30! (no pressure of course I know it’s a lot)

hey, no worries @sunnibits! i love these! i used to have a friend where i’d post question lists that were sometimes a mile long, and she’d come into my inbox like ‘ALL OF THEM HAHAH’ so i’d have to spend two days writing an essay. 😂 not to say i didn’t do exactly the same thing 👀 but in any case thank you for the questions!

1. Who is the most affectionate?

This is a tough one because I think they’re both very affectionate, if in different ways. Physically affectionate, Thorin is going to top out on this one. If he wants to hold Bilbo (and Bilbo doesn’t seem to be in any kind of mood to stop him in a serious manner) he’s going to hold Bilbo or take his hand, give him a kiss, wrap him in his cloak and rest his chin on top of his head, that sort of thing so there’s absolutely no mistaking how he feels. 

Bilbo, on the other hand, while he enjoys that sort of affection very much, I think would show it more in other ways. Rearranging meetings or taking on additional projects in Erebor when he thinks Thorin has too much on his plate, making sure Thorin eats more than once a day and eats well by cooking for him (honestly he will feed this dwarf hobbit style if he can get away with it, food is important), having a warm hearth, hot bath and a filled pipe ready for Thorin when he returns for the day from wherever he’s been, little daily things beyond the physical that absolutely radiate love and care.

6. What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?

Hm. If you asked him, I think Bilbo would mention Thorin’s blue-grey eyes, the strength of his arms, the silver-threaded fall of Thorin’s hair. Things you can wax lyrical about in a sonnet or a story, things that make sense to share in conversation. But really, his favorite bits of the dwarf are probably more intimate, personal details, like the curve of his ear, visible on the rare occasions Thorin puts his hair back in a loose tie, the slight curl of the smile hidden just under his beard when he’s teasing. The roughness of his hands, the paler, almost dainty skin of his feet always hidden by heavy boots (once he stops chuckling about them, anyhow). Pieces of Thorin that feel like they’re just Bilbo’s, those are his favorites.

As for Thorin, I think he mostly appreciates Bilbo’s softness both in face and body (something the dwarf has not had much of in his life, and indulges in with Bilbo), watching the laugh lines develop around his eyes and mouth, the smirk Bilbo gives him when the hobbit feels he’s done something exceptionally clever, or when they share a private joke. 

I also think he probably also has a fascination with Bilbo’s ears, but never brings it up because that’s just asking for a teasing volley about their pointed similarity to the ears of elves (which Thorin would vehemently disagree with both on principle and because honestly they look absolutely nothing alike, he’s spent a lot of time considering this, you see).

12. Who initiates kisses?

Depends on which part you’d consider ‘initiating.’ Thorin, for sure, is the one to swoop in for a peck on the cheek, a full snog or anything in between whenever the whim strikes him, but Bilbo is what I like to call a kiss angler. He’s the one who is going to make eye contact and tilt his head just so, or lean in just a bit too close over Thorin’s shoulder to see what he’s working on, probably with an additional, unnecessary hand on the shoulder that will tilt their faces that much closer. 

This tactic is often subtle, and is meant to draw the dwarf in without technically shifting his focus from anything else, and honestly is such a common occurrence that the movement won’t even register with Thorin before he complies and Bilbo gets his kiss (not that he would mind in the slightest!)

27. Who would sing to their child back to sleep?

Both of them. Thorin has nephews he raised, so I’m sure that move would be old-hat to him, and as a lighter sleeper, it would probably be him most often rising in the night to see about a child’s distress. 

I think Thorin would absolutely sing to soothe a child as a go-to method, crooning a lullaby or two, and while I’m certain Bilbo would sing as well if a child wanted him to, he’d probably have to be asked first. After all, Bilbo’s a story-teller, and more likely to offer a tale over a song to calm and distract a little one from fears in the night.

29. One headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart.

I think Frodo is right, Bilbo knew the value of the mithril quite well, but I don’t believe he knew at first when it was given to him, or had any inkling of it’s value, other than as a gift from someone he loved (whether he realized it yet or not) that he was profoundly worried about given the dragonsickness and the armies at the time. 

But eventually, Bilbo found out. Whether from a dwarf friend visiting him in his home, or an old history book he was perusing years down the line, eVENTUALLY Bilbo learned what the mithril was, how incredibly valuable, how profoundly irreplaceable, and Thorin had handed it over freely with his heartfelt ‘It is a gift’ to Bilbo whilst in the throes of dragonsickness where he trusted not even his own kin.

Now as I said, years down the line, Bilbo’s at home, he’s coping, he’s living. He’s pushed it down in the traditional hobbit style of ‘I’m going to keep everything right here and then one day I’ll die.’ (considering the people he lived with in the Shire, there wasn’t exactly another option for him.) He’d loved Thorin then, and still does, but it’s a painful, perhaps romanticized  tragedy, one that exists solely in the writers’ mind. Perhaps other than a double-handful of small moments, there was no real tangible proof that Thorin felt as he did, and it would be easy to convince himself over the years that whatever connection they appeared to have was perhaps a one-sided one. That they were dear friends, nothing more. After all, it’s easier to grieve a personal loss if it’s confined to the tragedy, and not the shape your future might have taken.

But the mithril, once the gravity of that gesture truly sinks in, what it meant, what it means. I can imagine that unlocking some terrible floodgates, and all of a sudden the battle was only yesterday and he’s grieving because Thorin loved him too, and he’s angry, furious. Angry at Thorin, angry at the both of them for not saying anything sooner, angry at himself, the dragon, the armies, the sickness. 

Angry at what he lost, what they all lost, and I can’t imagine him being anything but horrendously overwhelmed, and feeling heartbrokenly alone. I think the mithril shirt would in that very moment go from a nostalgic comfort to a terrible burden, and I believe the night that Bilbo discovered the true worth of the mithril was the same night it ended up in the mathom-house. 

30. One headcanon about this OTP that mends it.

Now that that godawful headcanon is out of the way, how about this one for the book!verse? After the Battle of the Five Armies, Erebor held too many ghosts. Thorin did not fall, (though perhaps he meant to fall, what with the leaving behind of the armor before making that suicidal charge) and abdicating was not only the best option considering his actions under the goldsickness and how that might impact Erebor and future treaties with neighboring kingdoms, but also he fact that he’s lived his whole life for his people, he has succeeded in securing their ancestral home, and maybe carving his own path is now a desired option. He’s free. 

Fili and Kili also live, but don’t want the throne. They’ve been raised in the Blue Mountains, and they love their uncle, love Erebor because of Thorin, and without him there, they’re not super interested in entering the line of succession, so Bilbo and Thorin travel to the Shire because Bilbo is adamant that it would be good for him, and Fili and Kili follow. It is closer to their mother, after all, to visit back and forth. 

And perhaps the book Bilbo writes is helpful to them staying on the down-low. Everyone important in their life is sure to know the truth, so what if these three unnamed dwarves are the other hidden residents of Bag End (or perhaps, just one hidden resident and two visiting nephews), kept safe from discovery from friends and family both, and Bilbo and Thorin, somehow, had their happy ending?

tl;dr: THE LINE OF DURIN IS FINE, EVERYONE IS FINE.

[glenngaylord]

Glenn Gaylord’s Capsules From The Bunker – Summer 2021 Lockdown Style

Like many of you, I’ve lost all concept of space and time during this lockdown era. I’d watch movie after movie, but somehow forget to write about them. I’d consume films for sustenance, but then I’d move on to the next task of cleaning a room, doing a crossword puzzle, or staring at my dog for hours on end. Thank goodness I have a few friends to have breakfast with every now and then, or else I’d have assumed I had been transported to a cabin in Montana. “Am I a film critic or a hermit?” I’d ask myself daily…that is, if I even understand what days are anymore. All of this is to say that I have a lot of catching up to do now that we’ve taken a baby step or two towards returning to some sense of normalcy. Wait a minute. What’s that? Highly transmissible variants? Back into the cave I go. While I still can, I’ve managed to blurt out a few capsule reviews of some films worth mentioning.

In Between Gays – Film Review: Summer Of 85 ★★★★

Prolific French filmmaker, François Ozon, has made a career out of finding dark crevices in the most unexpected of places. Here, with Summer Of 85, he tweaks this New Wave era gay romance just enough to upend our expectations. In pure Talented Mr. Ripley meets Call Me By Your Name meets Luca fashion, Ozon spins what could have been that sun-dappled, seaside summer that changed everything into a love that perhaps never was, zeroing in instead on a young man’s obsession for something unobtainable. Beautifully shot and acted, Ozon takes the story to more provocative places than you’d initially expect while still maintaining the boppy fizz of a great Cure song. Despite the mish mash of tones, the film has a pulse all of its own. It’ll make you swoon, pull the rug out from under you, and then make you wonder how he managed to quietly get a little twisted.

Summer Of 85 currently in select theaters, see official website for details. Released on DVD and BluRay August 17th.

Truffle In Mind – Film Review: Pig ★★★★

Writer-director Michael Sarnoski makes an auspicious feature debut with the story of a man searching for his stolen truffle-hunting pig. Caked in dirt, blood and looking not so much like a homeless man but as a person who died inside a thousand times over, Nicholas Cage gives one of his best performances ever as a man who seeks the truth at all costs. He asks his only connection to the outside world, Amir, played wonderfully by Alex Wolff, to drive him through Portland’s dark underbelly to retrieve his pet companion.

Although the film takes us to a rather unbelievable “Fight Club” moment, it generally holds its mood with credibility. It’s a great calling card, not only for Sarnoski, but also for his talented cinematographer Patrick Scola, who brings a painterly quality to every single image. The film finds beauty in a bite of food, a breath of air, or simply the compassion between two main characters who have seemingly little in common. It’s a shame the trailer elicits laughs when Cage utters lines like, “Who has my pig?” Clearly they want to sell the actor’s neo-gonzo persona, but Cage brings so much depth and seriousness to this project, only raising his voice once. He deserves the highest praise for committing to such an oddly touching, gorgeously quiet story. At risk of sounding Dad-jokey, the only thing that hogs the scenery is his porcine friend.

Pig is in theaters now.

All Is Lost – Film Review: Old ★★

In 1999, M. Night Shyamalan made a great film, The Sixth Sense, and has been chasing that dragon ever since, often to diminishing returns. His films, however, often do well because he has great concepts, a keen eye for visuals and timing, yet things always seem to turn clunky and inane real fast. With Old, he continues down that path by giving us something compelling—a group of people on a beach who age quickly—and ruining it with dialogue seemingly written by an algorithm and rendered unintelligible much of the time, while the terrific cast seem to have no idea how to make Shyamalan’s words sound any better than a high school play. A couple of sequences did make me sit up and take notice, and he uses compositions and offscreen space well, but overall, Old plays like a stretched-out episode of Lost, and like that cool but overstuffed series, you’re not gonna get very good explanations as to what transpires. Sure, the big twist works well enough on some level, but it doesn’t save you from the discomfort of watching good actors flatline in more ways than one.

Old is currently in theaters nationally.

Hi Fidel-ity – Film Review: Revolution Rent ★★★1/2

Shot in 2014, Andy Señor Jr., who played Angel on Broadway along with a host of other credits, staged the classic musical Rent in Havana during a thaw in our relations with the Communist regime. He did so against the wishes of his Cuban family, who suffered under Castro and insisted his production would merely serve as a propaganda tool for the government. He plows ahead instead, capturing the months long process in a rather artless home movie style. The aesthetics don’t carry any weight here when you have such a compelling subject matter. Witnessing his actors struggling with their performances while also living in harsh conditions adds new layers to the late Jonathan Larson’s story of squatters in the age of AIDS.

With a limited talent pool, one of whom doesn’t feel comfortable with the gay subject matter and another who lives with HIV himself, Señor finds new connections to Larson’s material as well as an affection for his heritage. What we may have taken for granted here in the US in terms of sexuality and gender expression feels like a whole new experience when seen through a Cuban lens. Señor speaks out against the Castros with quick sequences showing moments of oppression, thus preventing this film from perpetuating the lies of its government. Instead, he gifts the people of this poor, struggling country with a real sense of community and its first burst of musical theater in ages. Sure he’s a privileged westerner who dangles hope in front of people only to return to his cushy life, but he does so with heart and good intentions. You end up loving and rooting for his cast in this moving, sweet documentary.

Revolution Rent is currently streaming on HBO Max.

Do The Hustlers – Film Review: Zola ★★★★

Call me wary when I went to see a movie based on a viral twitter thread and directed by Janicza Brava, whose Sundance Award-winning short, Gregory Go Boom, proved to be not only tone deaf but downright offensive towards people with disabilities. Her new film, Zola, excels however, in ways her prior work has not. Taylour Paige, a standout in Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, plays the title character, a stripper who meets Stefani (Riley Keough) one night and is convinced to travel with her down to Florida where they can make a lot of money dancing all weekend. Things, however, do not go as planned, with Zola’s story escalating from one insane twist after another. Paige and Keough are outstanding, as are Nicholas Braun and Colman Domingo as their traveling companions. Jason Mitchell, so great in Straight Outta Compton and Mudbound, brings a wild, dangerous energy, something he shares with the film itself. It comes across as The Florida Project meets Hustlers, but with its own surreal, unexpected tone. I laughed out loud often, especially with Paige’s loopy reactions to her surroundings and the giddy, zippy energy on display. Zola chews you up, twerks on your face, and spits you out, exhausted yet anxious to see whatever this talented group of people will do next.

Zola is currently playing in select theaters and available on demand.

Banned On The Run – Film Review: There Is No Evil ★★★★

It’s impossible to review There Is No Evil without giving away its central premise, so I will avoid as much description as possible. Iranian filmmaker Mohammad Rasoulof has crafted a four-part anthology of sorts around an agonizing moral issue important to people worldwide. At the end of the first part, a stunning cut to an unforgettable visual reveals everything and allows you to watch the rest with informed eyes. Rasoulof seamlessly excels at different genres, from family drama, to action escape, to romance, weaving a tale of such depth and sorrow for its talented cast of characters.

The making of it proves as interesting at the film itself. Banned by the regime from producing feature films for two years and prohibited from traveling outside of Iran, Rasoulof, like any crafty filmmaker, came up with an ingenious plan. He slipped under the radar by calling these four short films, mostly shot in small towns far outside the reach of Tehran, and then had the final product smuggled out of the country. A filmmaker with such talent not only at telling stories, but the with ability to will his vision into existence against all odds, deserves the world’s attention.

There Is No Evil is available on DVD, BluRay and VOD now.

In Space No One Can Hear You Think – Film Review: F9: The Fast Saga ★★★

Considered review-proof, the Fast and the Furious franchise has ruled the box office for the past 20 years, so my calling its latest entry, F9: The Fast Saga, monumentally dumb will have zero influence on anyone’s decision to see it. We all know it’s big and stupid, as do the filmmakers. These films, deliver said stupid with such gusto, that you simply surrender and have a great time nonetheless. Nothing, however, prepared me, for this series to go all Moonraker, sending a car to a place no car has ever gone before. You’ll know it when you see it and probably say, “That’s ludicrous!” and also say, “That’s Ludacris!”

F9: The Fast Saga is currently playing on every screen on Earth and in select theaters throughout the universe.

[babygirlgalitzine]

i can’t get over the way (you love me like you do) (ao3)

it’s finally here! the fake dating au has been birthed! enjoy the first chapter x

Music crackles out from the radio as raindrops race one another down the kitchen windows, creating patterns of connected lines against the glass. There's a faint aroma of spice lingering in the air, and Callum's stomach rumbles as he leans against the kitchen counter top. He's been living in Walford for just shy of six months, and this is the first time his newfound friendship group will see the inside of his house for more than just a few moments. It's a stressful thought, though he's somehow relaxed, thankfully completely in his element cooking food. He's been somewhat excited for this night since it was first brought up in conversation, what seems like months ago now. 

Callum's stood behind the bar, confined to one area, in the corner of the Queen Victoria. He's been working there for months now, ever since he moved to Walford to be closer to his childhood family friends. He found a house, going for cheap for the area, a complete bargain, and without really even thinking, he was soon moving in, despite only knowing a few people in the area. Of course, it was a terrifying prospect initially, but he's been in worse situations throughout his life, so he was quite okay with that. The fear of the initial decision was nothing, in the grand scheme of things. 

Jay slams his pint glass down onto the pint mat he's placed on the bar, the corners of it fraying and bent, curling upwards. "Anyway when are we getting to taste your food then mate?" He asks, and there’s a slight slur to his words. It's been a long day, a long week really, and all three of them are letting their hair down in their local pub - Jay, Lola and Ben. 

The latter winces, the noise of the pint glass brash, close to his ear. 

Callum laughs awkwardly, his hands gripping on tightly to the edge of the bar, his body pulling away from them. His knuckles are white. "I'm barely moved in yet!" He explains. "I spend most of my time working here, so my house is still a mess. When I've got everything in place, you can all come around. We can make a dinner party of it." 

Lola quickly agrees to it, and starts to talk about what she could wear for such an occasion, even though it's only a meal around at a friend's house. 

Ben smirks over his lager, eyes wide and light, but stays silent, watching Callum as he walks off to do his job, taking drinks orders off of people none of them have ever seen before.

There's a tapping knock at the front door, and Callum's heart sinks below his stomach. It's too early for them to come. He looks at the clock, bolted onto the wall in the centre of the kitchen, and notices that it's only seven in the early evening, when he knows he previously arranged for them to arrive around eight. The table isn't even set yet, and that's suddenly a huge cause of anxiety for Callum. He pads over to the door, hoping that when he opens it he isn't bombarded with his friends because as much as he does love spending time with them, he really can't deal with them showing up before he's even remotely prepared. He exhales a shaky breath with closed eyes, before he pushes the handle down, pulling the door open. When he opens his eyes, Ben is smiling back at him, holding up a bottle of red wine in anticipation. 

"I knew you'd be stressing, so I thought I'd come over to help you." He announces, walking through the door and past Callum. "Now, I can't cook - but I can lay a table, and calm you down." 

Callum smiles, breathing a sigh of relief as he closes the door behind Ben. He's grateful for him, the closest of his new friendship group, and the only one who knows about the anxiety that plagues him. "Thank you." Callum says, sincerely. "Everything for the table is in that cupboard over there, I just need to sort the sauce out."

"Smells good, whatever it is." Ben grins, placing the wine bottle down on the table with a dull thud, before walking over to the cupboard. 

Still stirring the sauce, Callum looks back at Ben, watching him carrying four plates in one hand, glass bottles in the other. "It's Mexican barbeque sauce. Thought we could just have something basic."

Ben raises his eyebrows. "Basic for us is smiley faces and chicken dippers." He laughs. "This is proper restaurant material."

Anxiety courses through Callum. "Is it too much?" He asks, desperation in his voice.

"Absolutely not!" Ben shakes his head. "We will eat anything. Plus, Lola's still getting ready, so she's treating this as a big thing. Trust me. It will be perfect."

Callum smiles, a feeling floating around his chest that he just can’t explain. It’s like a mix of anxiousness, happiness and gratefulness all at once, an overwhelming swirl of emotions spreading through him. “You look good, by the way.” Callum points out, looking at Ben as he sets the table, placing knives and forks against the woodwork with a metallic clanging. He’s wearing a pair of jeans and a white button up shirt. Callum’s definitely seen it before, it’s a common outfit for Ben to wear if he’s going out, but it’s somewhat calming to see that he dresses up for a meal at a friends house - though knowing Lola, she more than likely didn't let him leave the house until he was dressed nicely.

“Thanks.” Ben grins, and Callum’s almost certain he can see a blush creeping its way onto, and across, Ben’s cheeks. “You too.” He says, looking up at Callum through hooded eyes and fluttering lashes. 

Callum flushes, and looks back at the food, quickly attempting to hide any visible blushing from Ben. Time ticks by, music still remaining on the radio crackling through old, slow songs which add to the relaxation of the evening. Ben opens a bottle of wine, and pours himself and Callum a glass each, both of them waiting in anticipation of Jay and Lola arriving. 

It's not long waiting, wine glasses only a quarter of the way empty, when there's a tap at the door and Callum puts his glass down on the kitchen counter, inwardly cringing at himself for not using a coaster. He stretches out his fingers and he can hear them crack, right before he opens the door and his friends come bounding their way in, Lola pressing a kiss to Callum's cheek, chatting away. "We've got no idea where Ben's got to, he said he would come over to ours but didn't show up." 

And then she sees him, sitting at the table, red wine in hand, left leg crossing over his right loosely. "Oh, you're here already!" She grins. "Glad to see you can get yourself dressed."

"Yes, thank you mother." Ben teases. "I don't need any help to choose what I look good in - I look good in anything." 

Jay rolls his eyes, sitting down at the table. "As modest as ever, I see." 

"You know me Jay, ever the modest one." Ben grins, taking a sip of his wine, allowing himself to relax as they all sit at the dining table. Callum looks at ease too, thankfully. Ben knows that by being there prior to Jay and Lola announcing themselves, he allowed Callum to relax.

They're all sitting around the dining table; Callum with Ben to his right, Lola on the opposite side to him, Jay next to her. It's nice, relaxing. They're on their third bottle of wine, the empty two sitting on the side of the sink. The main course is long gone, plates having been scraped empty, compliments entirely to the chef, which caused Callum to shyly blush, and thank them all. They're all laughing and telling stories, tipsy and happy. Callum's hand is reaching across and resting against the top of Ben's chair, and if he stretches his fingers out just the tiniest amount, they would be threading through his hair. Ben knocks his head back, laughing at a story Jay has just been telling, and Callum chuckles along too, though he was barely following the story, more focusing on Ben's side profile. He quickly jerks his hand away, and if anyone was watching him, they didn't make it obvious. He stands up, towering over the three of them.

"I made some brownies." He explains. "Thought we could have some of those for dessert."

If there's one thing that makes everyone happy, it's chocolate. 

The rest of the evening runs smoothly, all of them finishing a fourth bottle of wine, words slurring and only crumbs of broken up brownies remaining in sight. Lola looks around the house, and admires how it's all open plan, something unique to a house in Walford. There's an exposed brick wall, with a television hooked onto it. The house itself is small, but for just Callum, it seems perfect, and he's really made it homely in the months he's been living there. 

"You've done a great job here though, to say you've been working a full time job since you moved here." She comments.

"I only really finished it all the other day." Callum explains. "But the house was in good condition when I bought it so it wasn't a big job or anything - I just had to get a few bits to turn it into a home."

They're about to leave, Jay helping Lola put her coat on but struggling, probably something to do with the amount of alcohol they've both consumed. "It looks better than our place anyway." Jay jokingly comments, and Ben's eyes nearly pop out of his head in shock, trying desperately not to laugh. 

Lola throws her hand out, slapping it against Jay's chest in horror, and looks over at Ben, who is still sitting at the dinner table. "Are you coming?" She asks.

"No." Ben shakes his head. "I'll help Callum tidy up, it'll be easier if we both do it." 

Lola nods. "I'll see you tomorrow then." She says, yawning, before she looks up at the clock that is hooked onto the wall, noticing that it's now past the midnight hour, somehow. "Or, later on today." 

Callum smiles, and presses a kiss to her cheek, and pulls Jay in for a hug, before he waves them away, watching as they leave his house. Ben's now standing at the sink, letting warm water run over plates, cleaning them. 

"You don't have to do that." Callum says, walking over to him. "You being here early was enough." 

"I want to." Ben smiles up to Callum, handing him a clean, wet plate. "I wash and you dry?" 

Callum huffs out a laugh, shaking his head in disbelief, but he takes the plate anyway, and holds up a clean tea towel as he dries it. Every so often, their fingertips touch as they pass cutlery between them, but it just feels normal to share something so domesticated between each other, even if the clock is ticking away into the early hours of the morning. 

"Do you fancy a cup of tea?" Callum asks softly when they reach their last object to wash and dry. His eyes feel heavy, but he's not willing to let sleep overtake him, not willing to let Ben walk away and have this moment lost in the abyss of foreverness. 

"Sounds perfect." Ben smiles softly, even though his whole body is screaming out for him to sleep.

Callum flicks the switch on the kettle, and a blue light appears. Ben sits on the sofa, sinking into the material, feeling his aching bones relax with the relief of sitting down somewhere comfortable. Callum follows him moments later, and sits down next to him, handing a mug to Ben. 

"I didn't realise how late it was, sorry." Callum winces, taking a sip of his tea. 

Ben shakes his head, a smile on his face. "It's fine. Neither of us have to be anywhere tomorrow." 

"It's still late." Callum said. "Early? I don't even know, I'm that tired."

Ben chuckles out a laugh, thoughts swirling around in his brain. "Do you want me to go?" He asks, lightness spreading through his voice. 

"No!" Callum grins, but makes an attempt at hiding his smile behind his mug, holding it up to his face. "You can stay here tonight if you want? Kip on the sofa - it'll save you walking home alone."

"Yeah?" Ben asks, suddenly shy, for some stupid reason. "Yeah, I will do." He finishes his tea, and places it down on the coffee table in front of him. 

Callum follows, though there's the tiniest bit of his drink still remaining in the bottom of the mug, swirling around as he puts it down. "I'll get you a blanket." He says, standing up. "Don't want you freezing to death in the middle of the night." His bones ache, and there's a knot that's suddenly appeared in his neck, but he fights through the tiredness and the aching, and grabs the fluffy blanket that usually perches at the edge of his own bed, and carries it back to Ben. 

"Here you go." He announces, expecting to see Ben sitting up on the sofa, anticipating Calllum coming back into view - but he's laying down, his head pushing against a cushion, arm underneath it, sleeping. A faint whistle of a snore escapes Ben's mouth and Callum can't help but smile. He looks so at peace, even though it must be uncomfortable, sleeping in his clothes. Callum places in the blanket around Ben, and grabs the two mugs that they have previously been drinking from, and places them in the skin, ready to be cleaned tomorrow. He doesn't want to risk running the water through the taps and potentially waking Ben up. Callum turns, and attempts to walk back past Ben, straight into his bedroom, but something stops him, as though a magnetic force is pulling him to Ben, and before he can even help himself, he's crouching down over him, and pressing a gentle - but quick - kiss to his hairline, before he manages to drag himself away, finally retiring to his bedroom.

[somekindoftuber]

vld youtuber AU

youtuber AUs are really fun so here is my take (with klance):

Shiro runs a channel where he restores/repairs motorcycles. It’s really popular because he has a great on-camera presence and soothing voice, not to mention he’s very good looking. He has the facial scar and white hair and has mentioned that he’s a veteran, hence his prosthetic right arm. Keith works with him, and Shiro always introduces him in the intros of his videos, saying, “And my brother Keith is here to be my right hand.” They have a fairly large following, posting weekly videos. Keith mostly stays quiet, except to answer Shiro.

Lance runs a music channel that’s half comedy and half serious, playing guitar and ukulele. He does acoustic covers of songs that should be impossible to do acoustic versions of, and sometimes does comedy lyrics of popular songs. He also posts blooper videos where his cats interrupt him or knock over the camera. He posts one or two times a week, his videos are usually short. He also streams games on Twitch, usually playing music and making people laugh over the mic.

Shiro sometimes does Q&A videos to answer fan questions. Keith usually doesn’t participate, except in the video about their pets. Shiro introduces their two cats, and Keith’s dog Kosmo (who’s a Blue Bay Shepherd mix and is absolutely massive).

Shiro’s channel pops up on Lance’s recommendations one day, and it’s the pet video. Shiro’s cats are in the thumbnail, a giant black shorthair and a long haired red tabby, so he clicks. He instantly likes this guy, his cats are cute, and the quiet, scowling brother in the background with the giant bear-dog is fun to watch. So he subscribes. He finds out that he really likes their videos, despite knowing absolutely nothing about motorcycles. Shiro makes it easy to follow, and he even learns a thing or two.

Lance hears a song he recognizes in one of Shiro’s videos and gets an idea. He gets his guitar and does a comedy cover of the song, making it about repairing motorcycles. He’s proud of the silly lyrics, not able to keep from snickering a few times, and posts the video. He shoots the link over to Shiro, and crosses his fingers.

Two days later he gets a response. Shiro comments on the video saying that he loves it and it made him laugh. Lance is over the moon, and keeps watching Shiro’s videos and commenting on them. Shiro sometimes comments on his and it’s great. As the months go by, Shiro becomes something of a hero to Lance. He’s cool and confident and everything Lance wishes he could be.

Not to mention that his broody little brother is really, really easy on the eyes. Keith is gaining a fanbase, his wiki page full of what few scraps viewers can find about him - including a blurry screenshot of a moment when his shirt rode up to reveal an nondescript tattoo on his hip. There was a good deal of speculation as to what it was of. Not that Lance read that particular reddit thread. Or commented on it. (“I bet it’s a wolf,” he most certainly did not write. Several people agreed.) Who can blame him? Lance likes puzzles and mysteries. What’s more mysterious than a youtuber who never talks and has all of his social media on lockdown?

Lance gushes about Shiro’s channel one night to Pidge, who’s finishing undergrad. Casually as ever, she says, “Yeah, I know Shiro, he’s an old friend of Matt’s.” and Lance loses it. Demands to know more, demands that Pidge set up a meeting. Pidge rolls her eyes, and says maybe, maybe during spring break.

Lance decides to do a charity stream, like he does often. He asks some of his youtuber friends to help promote, including his best friend Hunk who runs his own casual cooking channel (Hunk never shows his face but his videos are still really fun). He tweets about it, feeling pretty good. His last stream went really well and they hit their donation goal. When Lance checks twitter the next day, he’s absolutely beside himself to see that Shiro has retweeted his stream link, saying “My buddy @LanceyLance is doing a charity stream! Check it out!” He may have bounced in his chair and flapped his hands a little when he read that.

The stream goes super well. They surpass their donation goal by hundreds, and he gets a lot of chat messages from people saying they found it via Shiro. Once it’s over, Lance composes an email to Shiro to thank him. He considers mentioning what Pidge says for several minutes before deciding to just go for it. He finishes his email with “PS - I think we have a friend in common?? My buddy Pidge - Katie Holt - says she knows you. Or are you a different Shiro?”

He sends the email before he can second guess himself.

Two days later, he gets a reply, and Shiro confirms that he knows Pidge since he went to high school with her older brother, commenting that it’s a small world. Lance plays it cool, but doubles his efforts to get Pidge to introduce him to Shiro.

“Spring break,” she repeats, then yells at Lance to let her finish her paper.

It’s almost two months until then, so Lance occupies himself with making videos, streaming, and watching Shiro’s channel. Keeping an eye on where Keith pops up in the videos, silent and intense. When late March finally arrives, Lance packs a bag and piles in the car with Pidge for the five hour drive to her hometown, which is apparently also Shiro’s hometown. Pidge’s parents welcome him, and it takes an entire day of nagging Pidge to get her to call Shiro. He’s free the next day.

They head across town to Shiro’s garage and Lance is stoked. So stoked. And as Shiro comes out to meet them, he’s struck by one thing: Shiro is far taller in person than he looks on camera. He shakes Lance’s left hand and shows him around, the bike they’re working on, the cameras, the editing software he still uses, even though it’s a little outdated.

Lance is halfway to asking Shiro if he can meet his cats when the door opens. “Shiro?” a voice calls. “They’re roping off the west side of the street for something. Do you want me to move your --”

He stops when he spots Lance, and Lance sort of feels his breath stop in his chest at the sight. Running gear, hair pulled back, skin glistening with sweat, and a sleeveless shirt with a pair of earbuds hanging out of the collar.

It’s Keith. And Lance has to remember to breathe, because like his brother, he’s taller in person, but he’s also hot. Like crazy hot, goddamn. Even drenched in sweat with his hair sticking to his face and neck and flushed from a run, he’s stupidly gorgeous. The videos absolutely do not do his eyes justice, not even a little, all sharp and intense and deep blue.

He’s just sort of standing there stuck, but thankfully Pidge rescues him with a loud clearing of her throat. Then Shiro swoops in and introduces Lance to Keith. He’s quiet, like in the videos, and slips away as soon as Lance’s attention is elsewhere.

Once Keith is gone, Shiro asks Lance if he’d like to be in a video on his channel, and holy shit. He agrees before he even knows the details, and Shiro laughs. They agree to have Lance come back in three days to film. Right when they’re leaving, Keith re-emerges, showered and changed. Lance waves goodbye to him and hopes Keith doesn’t notice the way Lance’s eyes sweep up and down his body.

Lance spends the next three nights pouring over his guitar.

When he goes over to Shiro’s to film, he’s almost bouncing with excitement. Shiro goes over what they’ll be doing before they start. Lance is downright giddy as Shiro does his intro and calls Lance a “special guest” before they get started. Lance is mostly holding parts in place or passing Shiro tools as he works on the old bike they’ve been hired to restore, but it’s still fun, even if he’s sweating within the first half hour. Keith hovers in the corner, off camera, playing with his phone and looking bored. By the time they finish, he’s covered in grease and exhausted, but happy. Shiro stops filming and they take a break, cracking open a few beers.

Before it’s time to leave, he gets the okay from Shiro and sets up his own camera, bringing out his guitar. He wasn’t sure if he’d have the guts to do this, but Shiro smiles at him, and it all feels okay. Lance turns on his camera, does an intro, and begins to play. It’s an original song, one he wrote just for the occasion over the last few sleepless nights. It’s about new friends and fresh starts and connecting with others and maybe it’s a little cheesy, but it’s heartfelt, and the acoustics of the garage somehow bring it all together. And when he finishes and shuts off his camera, the awed look on Shiro’s face is absolutely worth it. Even Keith looks a little surprised, his eyebrows disappearing into his hair.

He says goodnight to them both and goes back to the Holt family home, showers and changes, and goes to sleep feeling like it’s Christmas and his birthday and the first day of summer vacation all at once.

Pidge has to go back to school to resume classes eventually, and Lance is her transportation, so he has to go too. They stop by Shiro’s garage one last time to deliver a tupperware container of fresh baked cookies, courtesy of Mrs. Holt, and Shiro shakes his hand again. When Lance says goodbye to Keith and shakes his hand, he swears he sees the tiniest hint of a smile on his face. Something he’s never seen.

He spends the entire five hour drive back with excitement buzzing in his veins. He can’t wait to edit and post that video.

CONTINUED IN PART TWO HERE

[metalbatandzenko]

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

oof this one is gonna be so long™ so it’s going under the cut.

Let’s talk about the slow dance scene in Hidden Horns. Specifically Badd and Garou’s slow dance.

First thing is that this scene actually got written before most of the rest of the fic. It wasn’t originally going to be part of HH, I wrote it bc I was listening to Orville Peck’s album Pony, and when this song came on, I thought it sounded like a fun song to slow dance to. It also made me yearn but that’s besides the point. 

Anyways let’s get into it.

Badd guided Garou’s hands to his hips. “‘m not a kid like Zen is, y’can hold me.”

Garou blinked, doing his best to focus on anything other than the warm weight of Badd’s hands on his shoulders or the feeling of Badd’s hips between his hands.

Garou’s a disaster. If you’ve ever seen middle schooler’s slow dance with the stiff zombie arms, that’s basically what he was doing. Which if you’ve ever been in that position, you know it’s not super comfortable for either party, nor is it sustainable bc of that.

But putting his hands on Badd’s hips might have been even more dangerous to Garou. Badd’s kind of a walking contradiction: he’s gruff but he’s sweet, rough but also gentle, muscular yet graceful. Garou’s kind of been seeing that first hand, but now he’s feeling it for himself in the way Badd moves and the feeling of muscle shifting under his finger tips.

There’s also the implied trust that Badd is showing in draping his arms around Garou’s neck on both ends. They’re both putting themselves in a vulnerable position where the other could easily overpower them if they strike first. Their willingness to be in this position with one another is kind of part of the evolution of their dynamic. 

I left a lot of that unsaid both because of the fact that having that analysis mid fic kind of kills the pacing and fic. Also this is done in the rhythm and tempo of Roses Are Falling, and while it’s a slow song, it’s not at a standstill.

“Back on the run,”

“Her reflexes are scary fast,” Garou remarked.

“Back to the blue…”

Badd chuckled. “Yeah. Sometimes she’s too fast even fer me t’track.”

One of the reasons I decided to put this scene in HH versus saving it for another fic is because of the lyrics of the song. There’s some fun foreshadowing and parallels between what is happening and what the lyrics are saying that I thought would work really well for this fic.

I also think this works well as a little nod to the actual canon of OPM and a potential way their relationship could evolve from here. So we get the compare and contrast throughout the passage of where the characters in HH are versus where their canon counterparts might be.

“Roses Are Falling” is, by Orville Peck’s own admission, a song about “loving someone so much you kind of want to kill them.” While I don’t think Badd and Garou have that kind of relationship, I think there’s some truth to the lyrics and this idea of being isolated together, which we also see in “Kansas Remembers Me Now” and “Big Sky”, the two other Orville Peck songs featured in this section.

Zenko’s a pretty safe topic for the boys to discuss. Badd can talk about her for hours on end, and Garou adores her. If they have one spot of common ground, it’s Zenko.

“Winning is fun,”

“She’s gonna pass you up soon,” Garou said.

“Losing is, too…”

Badd gave him a confused look.

“You know, in terms of athletic abilities.”

“Roses are fallin’, roses from fallin’ for you,”

Badd smacked Garou’s neck, feigning offense, but Garou saw the small smile on his face.

Slow dancing is incredibly intimate (even in a platonic setting. Platonic slowdances still require a lot of trust and vulnerability). Especially for two people grappling with unspoken feelings like these two idiots.

Garou definitely feels that tension at this point and tries to diffuse it in a way that’s worked for them in the past: by jokingly poking fun at Badd.

The lyrics here felt fitting to me. The two of them are highly competitive, but they’ve gotten to a point where just the act of being together is more important than winning. They kind of verbally spar for a lot of their relationship, but here we see them just enjoying each other’s company.

“Ooh…”  

The two swayed at an arm’s distance.

“The ache inside the hate–I found a way to sit and wait, and now I can’t: your voice–your face–without a trace–I’ll wait for you…”

“‘s awkward swayin’ this far apart,” Badd huffed.

He pulled Garou close enough that their noses almost touched.

For much of their friendship, Badd’s been the one acting as the initiator. He suggests the sleepover, he cooks for Garou, he introduces truth or dare, which becomes their coded language for opening up, etc. It makes sense for him to be the one to initiate here.

Garou in HH has pretty much the same backstory as he does in canon, he just didn’t go off the rails because he met Tareo earlier. But it was important to me to make sure the fact he still didn’t know how to interact/make friends his age was front and center. He doesn’t initiate many of the “friendship milestones” because he doesn’t know what to do. All this is new ground for him. 

The fact Badd even wants to be his friend is unprecedented and completely unexpected to him. 

Of course, this doesn’t mean he doesn’t initiate anything. He takes Zenko to school so Badd can heal, he meets Madame Oshitani, he asks Badd how he’s feeling and offers his ear when it’s clear something’s bothering him. 

Badd is very intentional about how he goes about interacting with Garou because he knows Garou’s never had a friend like him before. Garou by contrast, does things just to be helpful and worries about being a good friend/if he’s doing it right, not realizing he’s already being a good friend.

Garou’s normally so direct and unabashed, so having this spot where he’s more self-conscious and awkward is a fun reversal. And it’s pretty canon compliant given how he interacts with Tareo.

We see them kind of switch roles later, where Garou takes the lead during their orange chicken talk.

The lyrics here have two roles: it kind of mimics how I think their canon relationship could progress like I mentioned earlier (from hate to irritation to begrudging respect and love) but also shows their unspoken fear of what could happen in HH: they blow up and each becomes a face that the other can’t forget, but can’t go back to.

It’s not a fear that has gotten addressed super directly thus far, (we see a little bit in the upcoming chapter) the closest being the non-conversation the two have about what is left unsaid.

“Roses are fallin’ for you…”

The first thing Garou noticed was how good Badd smelled. Seems his sleep addled brain hadn’t been wrong after all.

Garou is in Gay Panic™ mode here. 

I described Badd in an earlier chapter as smelling like aftershave and freesia. I wanted to give him a smell that kind of combined his classic style with something gentler, and more sweet. 

Freesia is usually a smell in women’s perfumes, but it’s one I think he’d appreciate. And I don’t see him being one to give a fuck about gendering smells.

“You…”

Badd draped his arms around Garou’s neck and averted his gaze.

Garou watched in wonder as Badd’s lashes fluttered.

Up as close as he was and borderline drunk off how good Badd’s smelled, Garou stared unabashedly at his face.

He looked so, devastatingly beautiful.

Garou staring here is kind of a callback to the conversation they have early on about Garou ogling at Badd/Badd making fun of him for it.

There’s an openness here that’s different than the last time Garou really looked at Badd. Before, he was admiring him and his power. Here, we see him taking in a more delicate side of Badd, and Badd just letting him look at him. We’re seeing him take in Badd’s lashes, and calling him beautiful. It’s a new facet of who Badd is, and a new contradiction for Garou to grapple with: powerful, yet delicate.

If you’ve ever been with someone and you’re standing next to one another and you can see them staring at you from the corner of your eye and you keep pretending to look out at something in the distance because it’s easier than making eye contact and having to sort out what that gaze means, that’s essentially what is happening here.

Badd’s aware Garou’s staring at him, and he knows why. But he’s not ready to meet his gaze yet. Especially not if Garou himself isn’t ready.

“Under your skin, over the moon…”

He prayed Badd wouldn’t look up so he could continue to look at him.

“Don’t let me in, I don't know what I’d do…”

Because if Badd did, and Garou saw what he thought he would in Badd’s eyes, it would devastate him.

This is a callback to Garou refusing to make eye contact when he’s laughing about Badd’s indignation over pigeons because he knows whatever Badd’s gaze holds will devastate him. 

Garou equally fears the two ways it will devastate him. Either he looks up, sees the warmth in his gaze, and falls for Badd, only to find out his feelings aren’t reciprocated, or his feelings are, and he’s thrust into a new landscape to navigate that leaves him vulnerable and exposed, and threatens to tear apart their friendship.

In Ch.9/What’s Left Unspoken, I originally planned on having a metaphor that kind of embodied that second fear. Garou can almost picture a strand of spider silk connecting him and Badd. Something so delicate and new, that he almost didn’t want to acknowledge it. Because doing so would cosmically shift their dynamic, and if that thread got severed, it could threaten their whole relationship. I ended up cutting it because I couldn’t get the metaphor quite right and it brought the chapter to a standstill.

“Roses are fallin’, roses from fallin’ for you…”  

Badd began to turn his head, but before their eyes could meet, Garou looked away.

“Ooh…”

Garou could feel Badd’s gaze raking over him. From the corner of his eye, he saw his lips part.

Here we’re seeing that fear controlling Garou a bit. He doesn’t know what’s in Badd’s gaze, and he thinks if he avoids it, he can avoid the change in their dynamic all together. 

But some part of him wants to know, and is screaming for him to turn his head, potential consequences be damned. 

“You know, darling, you bring out the worst in me…”

Garou steeled his nerves and looked directly at Badd.

“Sometimes when I’m around you, I feel like pure evil…”

He’d been right. The tenderness he found in Badd’s eyes devastated him.

The second song line here is...very much how Garou views himself in canon, and to a lesser extent, in this AU.

He still hasn’t forgiven himself for what he might have done, and when he sees Badd, and his gentleness, kindness and optimism despite how the world has treated him and Zenko, it makes him question hero-dom more than he already does.

And we’re seeing Garou discover what is in Badd’s eyes. Garou has a harder time reading Badd than Badd does reading him, so what he finds in Badd’s eyes is unreadable to him, hence why the statement is left vague in terms of what he finds there.

“I guess they say nobody's perfect…”

Badd’s gaze flicked down to Garou’s lips.

“But they’ve never met a devil like you…”

The lyrics here feel spot on, especially to end the muscial interlude to. Garou knows Badd isn’t perfect and vise versa, but they still accept one another. The lyrics kind of foreshadow Badd and Garou’s heart to heart about why they think they’re bad people. 

Badd’s action here are really what solidify Garou’s understanding of what he’s seeing in Badd’s eyes. 

Before he realized what he was doing, Garou was leaning in, closing the small gap between them.

And when he sees the warmth there, and knows his feelings are reciprocated, he leans in, more intentionally taking the role of the initiator for the first time.

[canvaswolfdoll]

CanvasWatches: Carole & Tuesday

A charming SciFi anime focusing more on the cast’s day-to-day lives than some major sociopolitical conflict that requires laser gun diplomacy? Set on a Terraformed Mars with brick and mortar solarpunk aesthetic? I can get into that.

The fact that Carole & Tuesday is a science fiction story came as a surprise, as most of the buzz and promotion that crossed my social feeds focused on the street performance aspects. Then, surprise! Tabletop fast food ordering and pizzerias that grow their tomatoes in house![1] Which is the sort of speculative fiction I’m enjoying nowadays: normal life with the fantastic acting as seasoning to spice up the world around them.

I’ve never paid special attention to music. I listen to music obviously, but rarely in any sort of analytical capacity. It’s pretty sounds that help fill in the background while I write, or to convey emotion in a musical, or to mark the start and end of a show I’m watching. I’ve never sought out music to listen to when looking for entertainment, it’s always a byproduct of whatever media I’m engaged with at the moment. Heck, these days, when I’m too lazy to set my car radio up to play a podcast, I just drive in silence.[2]

I sometimes feel I’m missing something by not engaging with the art form in a more conscious manner, and I only recently became aware that albums are a carefully curated thing instead of a collection of the performer’s most recent songs, so… yeah. Kind of a cultural blindspot.[3]

This tangent doesn’t even end with a neat little note of how Carole & Tuesday had inspired me to consume music in a more deliberate and contemplative manner. The soundtrack includes plenty of insert songs I happily threw on my background noise playlists,[4] and what few albums I seek out are video game and anime soundtracks.[5]

Carole & Tuesday was chiefly directed by Shinichiro Watanabe, who’s name was made with the Jazzy Space Epic Cowboy Bebop and Hip-Hop Samurai Series Samurai Champloo. It was probably inevitable he would produce an anime where music took front stage instead of informing tone.

Carole & Tuesday takes inspiration from Pop, but is unafraid to feature and mix other genres, such as Opera and Rap.[6] What’s really exciting is the decision to have the insert songs performed in English.

Historically, when diegetic music is present in anime, the song is performed in Japanese, and most dubs make the smart decision to leave the japanese audio and subtitle them. I may prefer dubs for my various reasons, but I wouldn’t dare ask for the policy on subbed music to change. Carole & Tuesday took an international view to its production, and thus used the most widely spoken language when no one (reasonable) would begrudge the use of Japanese performers.

Netflix picked up the show as part of their continued haphazard attempts to seize the genre with an attitude out of the early 2000s, and the company tapped to record the English dub did an admirable job matching voice performances believably similar to the singing voices.

Which may be the first time that speaking actors were hired to fit the singers.

The story takes place on Mars in the future year of… 50 years after humanity started migrating to Mars. I cannot find a year cited, which is the smart and wise choice and I am super annoyed I’m not going to be able to make jokes about the production's attempts and failure to predict the future.

50 years after starting to migrate over to the red planet, humanity has terraformed large swathes of Mars into a Solarpunk paradise. Earth is apparently not in a great state as refugees are desperately making their way to the planet, but Earth remains offscreen for the entire run. Fortunately no one has any giant robots,[7] so the two planets aren’t at war. While Mars has been made hospitable enough, the atmosphere does occasionally mess with the genetics of residents.

That’s just background details, however. The story is really about the titular duo. Tuesday is introduced fleeing the mansion of her politician mother, hopping onto a cattle train like Kiki, and riding off to Alba City with only a quitar and robotic luggage to keep her company, where she stumbles upon Refugee Orphan Carole busking with a keyboard. The two have a jam session and decide to become a musical act.

Meanwhile, famed child star Angela Carpenter[8] is setting to transition from a modeling career to an exciting career singing. Her mother pulls strings and utilizes her connections to team up with Tao, a genius of Artificial Intelligence Design who is willing to use his technology to provide Angela with computer generated music and lyrics.

Thus we have the start of a sci-fi John Henry Tale where the battle is not hammer and steel but instruments and voice.

I say ‘the start’ because while the two teams utilize different methods to produce their music, their methods are never weighed against one another. In fact, there’s barely a one-sided rivalry, as Angela is jealous of the titular duo’s ability to enjoy their career, and our two heroes take only a polite, professional view of Angela’s rising career.

Carole and Tuesday are both weighed down by a common problem with anime protagonists: they’re just nice. There’s a certain fear when writing protagonists, especially females, of accidentally making them off-putting that the writers overcorrect and don’t let the hero make mistakes or have much personality, to the point that Carole and Tuesday have very little agency.

Instead, it’s Gus, the ex-rock star manager the duo acquire, that does the leg work and takes risks while Carole and Tuesday just sing nice songs then sit back while the plotlines orbiting their rise to success are resolved by the men.

The show also can’t choose a lane, playing with several story threads that could carry full 24-episode stories by themselves, but instead are dealt with as lightly as possible.

We start with the story of a run-away from decadence and a refugee bringing their world views together, but that instead goes into a tournament arc disguised as a talent contest, then the drama of navigating the music industry, before ending with the presidential run of Tuesday’s mother causing public unrest. Carole and Tuesday don’t make a meaningful choice that affects any of these stories.

Meanwhile, Angela gets a story of asserting her identity while already in public view, facing dangers both external and internal on her journey.

Surprisingly, this is the first show in a while that I didn't resent for transitioning out of the episodic, playing with the premise portion. While Carole and Tuesday were attempting to get their big break, bopping around misadventures trying to get contacts, gigs, and filming a music video, Angela looms in her plotline, building up to the inevitable rivalry.

Angela is introduced just before her mother, Dahlia, starts reworking Angela's career from modeling to singing, hiring Tao, renowned AI designer, as Angela's producer. Angela experiences mild paranoia from Tao's standoffish nature, machinery, and making a holographic simulation of Angela. So Angela had a more consistent narrative during the first arc.

Introductions out of the way, it's time for everyone's favorite trope: the tournament arc! In the form of ‘Space!'s got Talent’ Generic Brand Named into Mar's Brightest. The main duo meets their rival, backstage drama ensues, some very good music is performed, and things are set up to technically give both Carole and Tuesday as well as Angela a win at the end.

With publicity achieved, Gus starts getting to work preparing the girls' debut album and booking appearances, as well as meeting other artists and (briefly) Carole’s father. We learn about Gus’s past client, Flora, who dropped Gus as soon as she found success, then found herself without a support base and spiraled into depression and addiction. Carole and Tuesday remain upbeat and optimistic.

Meanwhile, Angela starts getting harassed by a stalker and feeling helpless and poorly supported by those around her. Tao takes point on stopping the stalker when the police fail, ultimately taking him down before the stalker could pull a Mark David Chapman.

The story bleeds into the final act, as the presidential campaign of Valerie Simmons, Tuesday’s mother, moves forward in prominence. The AI algorithm Valerie is utilizing suggests she take an anti-immigration stance, which the woman follows in an attempt to further her career. Musicians are getting harassed by law enforcement, Tuesday’s brother Spencer is becoming uneasy with being an accessory to the campaign, and starts meeting with a reporter with information that Valerie’s campaign manager orchestrated a terrorist attack to villainize immigrants. Spencer and the reporter argue over how many chances to give Valerie, and agree on Spencer taking the evidence to Valerie, and if she doesn’t back down, then they’ll leak the scandal. Valerie, seeing the crimes committed for her benefit, gracefully renounces her candidacy. It’s very heart warming.

Carole and Tuesday write a protest song, and gather friends to sing it. This protest song has no observable impact.

Meanwhile, Angela learns she’s adopted, and her mother suffers a heart-attack shortly before Angela is set to win a Martian Grammy, and Angela spirals into depression and prescription drug abuse, to the point of collapsing at the end of her Grammy performance, being rushed to the hospital and missing her mother’s passing and funeral. Angela is adrift. She has no family, no support, and is just lonely.

Tao, who was working to sabotage Valerie’s campaign and burning as many bridges as possible after being targeted for refusing to assist the campaign, appears in Angela’s hospital room to drop a bomb: both he and Angela are designer babies, and though Tao must go into hiding now, he does intend to look out for his little sister.

Angela joins the performance of Carole and Tuesday’s protest song.

If it’s not already clear, I feel the story of Carole and Tuesday themselves was pretty lacking.

So, how would I rework this? Step one: we’re either cutting Carole and Tuesday, or combining them into a single character and making Angela the second. With the second option, Angela can maintain her backstory, but take Carole’s introduction of fleeing her family mansion and attempting to strike out on her own, meeting up with Carole and forming an act. To maintain the final arc, Carole would need to be reworked into the abandoned daughter of Tuesday’s late father, making her the half sister of Spencer and something to be hidden by Valerie Simmons’ campaign.

We then intermingle the two plotlines: Gus maintains his managerial position, and eventually convinces Angela to use her connections and mother to get her career jumpstarted, Ms. Carpenter still brings in Tao to write music, and now we can lean more into the AI-written music versus human compositions subplot as well as creative differences, which can lead to an arc where Angela and Carolday split to attempt solo careers, each taking a different manager.[9] Dahlia still has her issues and passes away, Angela her depressive spiral, but now Gus gets pathos by being there to help his client out of self-destruction, and the final number can also be a reconciliation of the main musical duo. The song can even be a combination of AI and human composition.

Carolday, meanwhile, discovers her relation to the anti-immigrant candidate and has to decide if she wants to finally have a family with Valerie and Spencer or stand up for her beliefs and assist a politician in bringing the campaign down. The resolution of the political plot can remain a happy compromise, but Carolday gets a slightly more active role in it.

The animation and world-building is great, and Angela’s arc is very strong. But the writing was too afraid to let either Carole or Tuesday dip into unlikeability that they become props to their own storyline, which is made further unfortunate as their supporting cast that do make decisions are mostly men.

The series is also riddled with a lot of good starts. Many short vignettes or minor details that could be made into full animes by themselves. Show more of Carole and Tuesday’s attempts to break into the music industry while also trying to pay bills and put food on their table. An expansion on the other competitors at Mars Brightest.[10] Heck, expand the roster of the competition and dig more into backstage drama. Carole’s father, who was sent to prison and found his wife dead and daughter sent to another planet upon his release, could carry a story of his own on his back! Valerie’s presidential run and the plight of Earth immigrants given more attention. Heck, even the story of how Earth, the origins of the human species, fell into being a third-world planet people are desperate to leave.

I’d even watch a series about the solarpunk pizzeria that grows their own tomatoes.

The music is really good, however, featuring many artists and styles, and those by our main duo wouldn’t sound out of place on a car radio or licensed on a primetime television show.

It’s a good show, but not an eternal classic. Maybe a second choice for someone digging deeper into anime. However, if its placement on Netflix means it’s someone’s introduction to Anime, that wouldn’t be terrible. Give it a watch if you want something to wind down for bed, or want inspiration for your own speculative fiction.

Kataal kataal.

-

[1] Solarpunk’s neat. [2] Mostly because I lost all my preset stations last time I took my car in for fixing, and I don't actually know any to punch in. Also, I use youtube for music when writing. [3] Also means I’m wholly unprepared to find music when I finally get a podcast project off the ground. [4] The soundtrack is very present on Spotify, which is nice. [5] I am finding myself increasingly intrigued by vinyl records, however. Probably a bit extravagant, and difficult considering my narrow interests. [6] Presumably to annoy fans of both. [7] Bam! Gundam reference! Anyone have Bingo yet? [8] Though I could swear they never use her last name on screen. [9] I’d find it amusing if Angela takes Gus and Carolday teams up with Dahlia, but the rest of my outline works better if Angela remains with Dahlia. [10] Though this one’s not a major loss. Typical tournament arc stuff.

[shemakesmusic-uk]

Getting to Know...

Lial.

'Ophelia' is the latest, and final, single to be taken from upcoming London electronic-pop artist Lial’s forthcoming Made to Break EP which follows on June 12.

'Ophelia' is a song about imbalances within a relationship, and more widely an exploration of the universal human condition of wanting what you cannot have.

'Ophelia' encompasses aspects of Lial’s previous singles, the shimmering electronic-pop of 'Embers' and the Låpsley compared dark hypnotic charms of 'Dirty Little Lies'. However, Ophelia casts an even more spellbinding web, blending pulsating downtempo beats with a subtle piano melody - the result is an enticing, melancholy-tinged earworm for those who like their ‘pop’ on the darker, more sophisticated side.

Lial’s alluring, emotive vocal delivery touches on Lana Del Rey’s dichotomy of presenting as both the seductive hunter and the heart-torn hunted, mirroring perfectly her lyrical exploration of human psychology, love and desire on the songs from the forthcoming Made to Break EP.

We had a quick chat with Lial al about the new EP, her influences and more. Read the Q&A below.

Let’s start from the beginning.. Please tell us a bit about yourself and what it was that led you to make music.

"My dad introduced me to music very early on, as he was massively into the Beatles, had an amazing singing voice and played guitar - there was always music playing in the house. I was then obsessed with music as a child - I think there’s a certain breed of kids that just get super into it early. For me that looked like spending all my money on CDs and stereos, and listening non stop to albums over and over, always having headphones in your ears. I started singing pretty early and after very briefly working in music management decided to transition into being an artist. It took a while to find my sound but electronic pop really resonates with me right now."

Who/what are your biggest influences?

"I actually listen to a massive range of music, including guitar based indie pop - as a child bands and artists like Garbage, Skunk Anansie, Kings of Leon, Alanis…but I am now influenced more by artists using more electronic instruments to explore sounds. Lana del Rey has probably been my biggest influence on my current sound, with other artists like Banks, Sohn, some of Sia’s early stuff, and Låpsley’s early work."

You're gearing up to release your second EP Made to Break in June. What can you tell us about the EP?

"I’m so looking forward to getting this EP out! There’s a common thread through the songs…I tend to veer towards more reflective and melancholy vibes and this EP follows that theme. The songs explore loneliness which sits right next to love, tucked up beside it. The song ‘Just Say It’s Over’ probably epitomises that the most…when you’re with someone but no longer connected like you were, it’s agony but you’re stuck in limbo until you rip the plaster off. The song ‘Made to Break’ is a kind of acceptance of that - heart break is inevitable and you cannot escape the pain that comes with love."

How does Made to Break differ from Heart Scars? What was your songwriting/creative process for the new EP?

"This EP is the natural next step from Heart Scars. I’ve grown as a person and have a clearer idea of my sound as an artist and what I want. This EP was the first time I worked with producer Gregor Mcwilliam, who is a friend of my cousin. We got together and wrote Embers just to see how it turned out working together. I loved the result and approached him about working together on the EP. We just clicked sonically - he gets what I’m into, and is able to take what I am hearing in my head and bring it to life. In a session we often spend some time just listening to other cool tracks and getting a sense of the vibe before sitting down to write something. That’s why there’s a big epic feel to some of these tracks, I was listening to a lot of Lana and obsessing over some of the massive sounds she uses and random samples."

Finally, how have you been coping with the COVID-19 lockdown. Are you working on anything? And what do you have planned for when we're back to some sort of normality?

"I have some weird down days during lockdown, which I think is pretty normal, when you’re like WTF is going on with the world?!? But actually it’s been quite liberating, having normal life totally disrupted. I’ve spent more time on music than I’ve ever managed before, I think because the interruption of social life and travelling around London (which takes ages normally as it’s so massive) is now gone. I’m actually working on some new music, which I’m loving, without any pressure of a set release date, but just exploring. I’ve managed to set up a ‘live-ish’ area in my flat, where I can write and play around with ideas and plan to do some live gigs online. Once we return to normality I can’t wait to see my family and friends, and hug them! I miss hugging people, and I’m not a massively tactile person so that is saying a lot! I’m also so looking forward to restaurants, bars and crowds…a sticky dance floor, not being able to sit down in a pub…never thought I would say that but it must be the Londoner in me!"

Lial · Ophelia

Made to Break is out June 12.

[mydefenseihavenone]

OK I’M FINALLY READY

Here’s a thread about taylor’s HEAVY use of circles this era and how much she highlighted them in the YNTCD music video. I by no means think that I’ve got something brilliant sorted out, but maybe this helps someone else come up with a really brilliant theory. Let’s get started.

I hope these first four are pretty obvious / self-explanatiory. Lots of circles everywhere. Lots of spinning. The pool circles are literally the thumbnail of the video. Circles are IMPORTANT

also!! look at the little circular curls she made with rollers at the beginning! she keeps a look similar to this for most of the video!!!

After that, we see this:

and these:

(I’ll note here that a LOT of these are bicycles. I won’t make the Bi joke, but I will say there’s something about bicycles in taylor’s music videos that always seems liberating for her.) 

(I’ll also note that, in terms of image motifs, I’m already planning posts for the use of butterflies and flowers in this video, but that’s for a separate post.)

Pretty obvious circle(s) in the above image, but the target/bullseye shot is really interesting to note. Especially since...

Don’t drag me; I KNOW hoops are common! But nothing is ever coincidental with Miss Swift, so I figured I’d add this in anyway. (HAYLEY FOR TOUR OPENER, PLEASE)

ALSO!!!!!

not only are the protesters in a circle, but they move in a circle (like the wheels of a bicycle, or a blender, or the camera shot at the pool, or the camera shots below)

phew she really popped off with these (i left the booty drop just for viewing pleasure, not because it’s relevant lmao)

and not to be dramatic but this is a 13 inside a circle. maybe a track having to do with this (and i promise I’ll get to theories and interpretations soon) is track 13? (*insert another dramatic sentence about how i’m gonna get a post together about the stars!!! once we have more info to go off on for analyzing them and why she’s been placing them everywhere*)

NOW!!! UMBRELLAS!!!!

I also think, to run with the bicycle idea, that I love that these are mobile homes!!! I love that in connection with queerness, because I think we’re often happiest with found families rather than our biological ones. Being able to redefine “home”?? super important to me and other queer people I know, and I’m hoping that was one of taylor’s intentions with this setting.

and AHHH!! another one of my favorite things is how many umbrellas (also circular, usually) there are!! why the fuck does that matter, paola?? you might ask. HERE’S WHY: there have been SO MANY umbrellas present this era.

(this reminds me that I have a theory about at least one song or one moment on tour that’s about messiness, considering both ME! and YNTCD end messily - ME! with the rain paint and YNTCD with the food fight, BUT, again, that’s for another post)

there’s a joke in here about eating cake but y’all aren’t ready for it lmaooooo

this is another one that convinces me this is purposeful. who makes a little circular sign like that?? like, genuinely?

okay this next one’s a stretch, but bare with me

why this outfit? all of these are iconic looks, and she definitely looked fantastic that night, but obviously this outfit holds significance. she even posted three different instagram photos of this outfit (and ok, maybe she just liked it. i’m checking all my bases!!!)

heart filter and butterfly shoes... other recurring images this era. I’m arguing that she chose this outfit because the sequins make this outfit, essentially, just a bunch of circles. below is another closeup of sequins that she posted on insta:

(at this point i’m even revisiting whether or not the shape of the buttons themselves - below - were a clue in themselves) (even the fact that she made COOKIES, beautiful round COOKIES with katy!!! is this a huge stretch?? probably!! do i care??? NO)

PLUS, this little cutie is spinning around in this scene--it’s some of the only detectable movement in that moment

and, of course, there’s the iconic spinning crown. there’s one perfect frame of it as a perfect circle before the scene changes.

once i picked up on all of this, I knew I had to check out ME! - and here’s what I found!

iconic circles in the dance! over the words “like a rainbow with all of the colors, babydoll when it comes to a lover” nonetheless!!

and then HMMM!!! A RING!!!!!

(and the introduction of benjamin button; the fictional character he’s named after doesn’t have a proper timeline to his life - he ages backward. a real example of a reversal of the circle of life)

and finally, some subtle details, like when taylor gets spun around in a complete 180, 

the rings of light coming in an out,

and the ripples on the ground as taylor and brandon since the bridge (one of the more significant clues for me, though I’m not sure why - just a gut instinct)

so what do I think it means? i’m not sure, though i’ve been speculating all day.

There’s something about the fact that most of the circles are spinning circles that makes me think there’s a single coming up about a cycle or wheel or ripple or ring or echo, but I don’t feel like we have enough (despite all this) to say what, concretely, it might be. I just knew I had to get all of this down, or I was gonna go crazy with it bottled up in my head.

Katy has a song called Circle the Drain, so it might connect to that. I think there’s value to the circle of life connection, since she posted so much about her childhood a few months back. Or, considering how often these are circles around her or others, it could be about inner circles and real friendship? (esp with the katy reconciliation and their likely collaboration coming soon + the fact that they dance around in little circles together in YNTCD:)

Though it’s unlikely, I kind of want it to connect to her Dany button and the idea of breaking the wheel. With the crown tossed into the air and the buried tires, I think it could be a cool commentary on the lack of necessity to constantly be cycling pop girls and who gets to be “on top,” especially if that’s the katy collab!

but yea!! that’s what I’ve been thinking about all day. I worked really hard on this so if it flops i’ll probably cry, haha, but i genuinely want to know: does this seem absolutely wack??? or do you think there’s some credence to it?? have you noticed anything I missed???