#i feel like that 24/7 to the point that i have not really slept properly in a very long time

[erocide]

11/21/2024

The end of the week comes so quickly... at least, the end of the work week. I couldn't quite believe it when I checked the time at work. Friday already...

It's soooo cold in my room. I got out my tablet again for the first time in months to be able to type this up properly, instead of just on my phone, and I feel like my fingers are going to freeze!! I'm so clumsy! But it's fine... it means I get really good sleep all cozy in my blankets. Case in point: I slept until FOUR again today. I didn't turn my alarm off and my body decided, that in the sweet, cave-like darkness of my room, that eleven hours was enough...

What happened today... I basically spent my entire 2 hours of peace before work getting ready. And being indecisive on what I wanted to do. I thought I had enough time to go get Mexican food, realized I didn't, started to get out leftovers to reheat, saw it was already 5pm, and just gave up and got ready for work. Nobody said time management was MY strong point.

Spent most of today spending time with my friends, tbh. Work was easy. Laughably easy. My coworkers sill aren't worth shit but. C'est la vie. It just means I'm answering the phone for less time if I'm doing more mail. I got to spend time with Dee for the last time in a while, and I wish we had done more, but I'm still happy with what I got. And it's a Thursday, so I watched Dandadan with Nico. Aira is getting on my last fucking nerve 💔 but I'm sure she's important somehow. She's cursed, afterall, if that cliffhanger meant anything.

I also actually played IDV again. Everybody cheered. I had a lot of fun esp since I got to play with a friend. I need to go back to just Having Fun instead of trying to win 24/7. Getting better is great but it sucks the fun out of it. *And* I spent some time with Rain and Nico watching the story event and I played a hunter match. Just for fun. I won by the skin of my teeth.

I procrastinated wayyy too much at home though. I need more self-discipline in actually fixing dinner and going to bed. But I picked out two candidate outfits to go to the movies (maybe) and mall (definitely) tomorrow. It'll only be 56F in the afternoon so I tried to pick warmly but its Hard when its summer for 9 months of the year.

I also stayed up later than I meant to, sitting with my aunt and watching TV with her. I wanted to leave basically as soon as she came out but I felt bad ditching her and stayed for twenty or thirty more minutes.

When I finally left to brush my teeth, Milk came and joined me and I was reminded so viscerally of when he was sick and dying and trapped in my bathroom for his wellbeing. I think the most frustrating part of being reminded is that he's super standoffish about being touched and I couldn't pick him up and hug him, I had to carefully wait, bent over with my hand out, for him to come to me.

There's some meaningful commentary about life in there somewhere, but I can't be assed to find it at 5 am. Its so late, trucks are driving past as people go to work. So this is goodnight. Sweet dreams.

[lavenderjacobs]

fluff alphabet - karl jacobs

tw; none just pure fluff >.< wc; 2K pronouns; tried my best to make it gender neutral <3

A=Attractive (What do they find most attractive in a partner?) 

Karl just loves looking at your pretty face. He loves the familiar feeling he gets when he looks at you. He loves your nose and how it feels under his fingers. He loves the way your face fits perfectly on his shoulder. He loves cupping your face with his hands and looking into your eyes. It might be really cheesy, but Karl also just adores your smile. This man just melts at the way you’re entire face lights up when you laugh.

B=Best memory (Their favourite memory of you) 

Karl is a simple man lmao. Obviously he loves going out and doing fun things with you. But he would way rather enjoy your company in private. Just the two of you. His favourite memories of being with you probably consist of being cuddled up and completely devoured by blankets while watching a movie. Or you sitting on his lap while he plays Minecraft, struggling to stay awake while he keeps planting little kisses on the top of your head. 

C=Cuddles  (What type of cuddles do they like?) 

OMG KARL IS SUCH A HOE FOR CUDDLES. Whenever you two lay in bed together he just holds you so close to him the entire time. He just loves feeling you so close to him and knowing that you’re safe and happy. He loves being bigger spoon so he can wrap his arms around you and rest his head on top of yours, but he definitely won’t complain about being little spoon either. He loves resting his head on your chest, just listening to your heartbeat as he has his arms wrapped around your waist. 

D=Dirty mind (Do they have a dirty mind?) 

Karl definitely has a dirty mind oops. He is very open about it too. He can be very soft with you but when he’s whore knee he just wants to have his way with you. That can mean planting sloppy kisses on your neck from behind you while your just minding your business in the kitchen, or giving you ‘that’ look when you come out of the shower with just a towel wrapped around your body.

E=Effort (How much effort do they put in the relationship?) 

Karl is on it 24/7 to make sure your happy. He loves planning little dates, even if it’s just a walmart run or a drive around the neighbourhood, he just wants to spend time with you. Whenever you’re going through a tough time he will drop everything to make sure you’re okay. For example he could be streaming, and you would text him saying you’re sad, not knowing he would be streaming, and he’d just end the stream right there to go spoil you with cuddles and loving words.  

F=First date (What was your first date together) 

Your pre-dating relationship was probably either a friends to lovers one, or an enemies to lovers one. Constantly teasing each other but everyone, including your friends, would know what was really going on. You probably got tricked into going on a date with him for the first time, both acting like you hated it but secretly falling harder and harder for each other with every second. 

G=Gentle (How gentle are they with you?) 

This dude literally treats you like he could break you. He hold your hands like they’re little butterflies and plants the softest kisses on your forehead. He’s also super protective and possessive of you. He hates the thought of you going out alone, and whenever you two are at a party or something he’s just constantly holding your hand or having his arm wrapped around you, to show you’re his.

H=Hands (Do they have nice hands?)

To be honest, Karl’s hands are probably one of his best features. He takes such good care of them and loves wearing rings. He also loves wearing black nail polish, and constantly wants you to polish his nails for him. He could easily do it himself but that’s not the point lol

I=Impression (What was their first impression?)

The first time Karl saw you walk into a room he lost his breath for a second no joke. He was just so taken aback by your charming attitude and thought you were the most gorgeous person he had ever seen. He just immediately walked up to you to ask you for your name. 

J=Jealousy (Do they get jealous often? If so what do they do?)

Karl is such a pouty little jealous boy. He gets really whiney and needy in public when you’re not giving him enough attention. Whenever he sees someone hitting on you, he just gets extra lovey-dovey with you, wanting to make sure everyone knows you’re his. You would know exactly what was going on but just play along with it. One time you joined him on a filming day with the mr beast crew. All the boys would give you lots of attention, making flirty jokes mostly just to mess with Karl. Which worked because oh my god you had never seen him so touchy. You would ask him what was up and he would act like nothing was bothering him. “I’m fine why? Am i not allowed to show affection to my gf/bf/so anymore?” 

K=Kisses (What type of kisses do they like/give?)

Anything that has to do with touching you, Karl is a sucker for. (have I mentioned this man’s love language is 100% physical touch?) He litarally kisses your neck or forehead every 5 seconds, it’s just his way of showing he’s there. He doesn’t shy away from pda either. He won’t hasitate to kiss you passionately in front of a crowd of people. He doesn’t care who’s watching, all he cares about is you. 

L=Love  (Do they show their love?) 

As I said, this dude’s love language is definitely physical touch. After that probably comes quality time. He will get super pouty if the two of you haven’t gotten to properly spend time with each other for a while. For example, whenever you’re on your laptop working on something for school or work he will get super whiney, constantly begging for you to get off your laptop and come cuddle with him. He’s less good at expressing his love through words of affection. Obviously, this man tells you he loves you all of the time, but he gets scared about having deep conversations about your relationship, he’s just scared he’ll say something stupid and mess it all up.

M=Memory: (Their favourite memory in general?)

His favourite memory in general 100% has something to do with you. If he had to pick one, it would probably be that one time he introduced you to all his friends from the SMP. He’d be on a videocall on discord with Dream, George, Sapnap, Alex, Tommy, and Wilbur. They had been begging to meet you since forever, but he always said no, because he was scared they’d say something to embarrass him. But after some persuasion of you, he finally gave in. “HOLY FUCK I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE REAL THATS SO POGGERSS!” Alex yelled when you joined the call and sat next to Karl. You burst out laughing. You all just played Minecraft and messed around with each other for that night. All of Karl’s friends really liked you, and Karl himself couldn’t be prouder. 

N=Nickname  (What nicknames do they call you?)  

He has practically replaced your real name with “Baby” at this point. He loves calling you baby or babe in front of other people to show that you’re his. But when it’s just the two of you he would definitely be the type of guy to call you something really cheesy like sweetheart or darling. You love it tho :)

O=Over  (What happened the one time you ‘broke up’?)

The only thing you and Karl would ever fight about would be whenever your schedules would clash and you would spend less time together because of work/school. A lack of communication and both being exhausted lead to a huge fight once. Ending with you both thinking it just wasn’t gonna work out like this. You had slept in a nearby hotel for a night or two, basically crying yourself to sleep every night, because Karl wasn’t laying next to you. After a few days of both being miserable you realized that the two of you are meant for each other. You showed up to your house again, and almost tackled Karl with how fast you ran into his arms. “I’m never letting you go again.” He whispered in your ear. 

P=Parents (What would they be like as a parent?)

You and Karl both think it’s too early to have children, but you love just having endless conversations about how amazing it would be to have a little baby of your own. Just fantasizing about showing the little thing off to all of your friends, thinking of ridiculous baby-names together. Everytime you have these types of conversations you just melt at the thought of Karl actually being a dad one day. He’d be perfect for it. 

Q=Quirk (Something special about them)

I’m not saying homeboy has abandonment issues but....whenever you get up in the middle of the night to go get some water or something, he either gets very twitchy in his sleep, or wakes up right away and asks you where you’re going. “Y/N?” He says with a sleepy voice. You reach out for his face in the dark and gently ruffle your fingers through his hair. “Only getting some water baby, I’ll be right back.” You reassure him. 

R=Romantic (How romantic are they?)

Karl doesn’t want things to feel forced. He just wants things to be effortless. Big romantic gestures and fancy restaurants scare him. He has a very specific way of showing his affection to you and you know this, so you don’t expect him to wake you up with breakfast in bed or anything. Making it even more special whenever he does pull something like that. 

S=Sad (What are they like when they’re sad?)

Karl didn’t really like showing any emotion to you whenever he would be sad, he felt like he’d be bothering you with his problems. But after you explained to him that you just want to be there for him whenever he’s feeling down, he started warming up to you. Sometimes he would just crawl in bed with you hiding his face in your shoulder. You would play with his hair while he talked to you about what bothered him. He always feels so comforted and safe with you.

T=Together (What are they like when you’re together?)

Karl can be super hyper. Constantly wanting to do stuff like bake cookies or play minecraft with you. You’d obviously always be down to do these types of things with him. But he could also really find the joy in simple things like just watching a movie or getting his nails painted by you. Whenever you would have these types of moments, Karl just keeps cracking little jokes to make you laugh. He also would be telling you how much he loved you every 5 seconds. Just so you know.

U=Understanding (How understanding and empathetic are they?)

Sometimes Karl can have a little trouble trying to get into your mindset. But he does think it’s super important to know what you’re going through and do his best to help you. Whenever you’re dealing with anxiety or depression, he makes sure to ask you what he can do to help you and be there for you. He tries to do as much research as possible, trying to find the best way to help you.

V=Value (What do they value most about the relationship?)

Karl cherishes the relationship you have for so many reasons. One of the most important ones being that he can have fun with you. Both understanding each other’s type of humour, finding joy in the same types of things. He just loves that you know and understand exactly how his brain works, because it’s very similar to yours. 

W=Wedding (Would they want marriage? If so what would they like?)

Karl literally proposed to you 2 months into dating. He knows you’re the one. It’s very clear to him. But after discussing it you both decided that having a wedding would be way too stressful right now. It’s definitely not that you wouldn’t marry him, obviously you would, but you both know that breaking up just isn’t an option, so why go through all that trouble, just to get it on paper? You both agreed on this, but after all Karl just wants to see that ring on your finger, just so he knows you’re his forever.

X=X-Ray (How well can they read you?)

Earlier in your relationship, Karl would often have trouble reading you, he would be very hyper and touchy with you, and would just be completely oblivious to the fact that you where sad or tired or something. But as he got to know you better, he learned exactly how to tell when you’d be sad. He knew to get you some food, put on a tv show and play with your hair, without you having to tell him you weren’t feeling like going out or doing something extravagant.

Y=Yuck (What they would never want in a partner)

Karl would hate to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t in it for the same reason as he is. He doesn’t like to ‘date around’. He want’s someone who was a very similar vision of their future, so that’s why he’s so lucky he found you. The most reoccurring arguments you two have are about not agreeing on your future. He finds it very hard to compromise and doesn’t just ‘agree to disagree’. 

Zzz (How do they sleep around you?)

Karl just has to touch you in some way when he’s sleeping. Having his arms wrapped around you, having his legs intertwined with yours, resting his face in the crook between your head and shoulders, you name it. He also loves to hold hands whenever you two are sleeping. As i said, this man gets very icky about you leaving him when he’s sleeping. So, he just wants to know you’re there. All of the time.

[bokura-no-digital-world]

Hikari Week - Day 1: Light/Dark

Days: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] Title: Shadows Characters: Hikari, Tailmon, Taichi, Takeru and the rest of the Chosen Children in minor roles. Summary: Hikari deals with being taken to the Dark Ocean and being possessed by the Homeosthasis for the second time. Hikari woke up one more time that night. She had lost account of how many times she had woken and stared at the white ceiling above her. It had been one day since she had been taken to the dark ocean and was brought back by Tailmon and Takeru, but the nightmares didn't seem to stop and she had a feeling they wouldn't stop anytime soon. Curled up next to her belly, Tailmon slept peacefully. Hikari couldn't help but smile and very softly began to stroke her fur. The Digimon stirred but didn't wake up. She felt slightly jealous of her partner being a heavy sleeper. Hikari was glad Tailmon was properly sleeping for the first night since the dark ocean. In the other ones, she stayed up all night taking care of her in case she'd wake up after another nightmare, which happened pretty much all night long. "Having trouble sleeping?" Taichi's voice echoed in her room and Hikari looked down. He was sleeping on a slim mattress on the floor. "You didn't need to sleep here." She said as she rested her chin on the wood protection on the edge of her bed. "I know, but I'm worried about you." "I'm alright, Taichi." "I'm sure you are, but these nightmares aren't." "They will go away soon." She rolled over on her bed and went back to staring at the ceiling. "Mom is also worried about you." "I can tell." She sighed. "Like I said, they will go away soon." "But you don't know that, do you?" "No, but I can hope." "Hikari, you were transported to another world we don't know about. You got lucky Tailmon found you and told Takeru. Are you aware you got lucky?" "Yes, Taichi, I'm aware of that." Hikari said a little annoyed. "I didn't want things to be this way, but for some reason darkness chooses me. Maybe because I'm the bearer of the Crest of Light and they always go together." "Your Crest has nothing to do with it." Taichi said firmly. "It was the thing that possessed you three years ago and now you get taken away to a different place without wanting to. I don't know why these things happen to you, but I swear I won't let them happen again." "What are you going to do about it? You can't keep an eye on me 24/7 all the time and I don't want it." "I don't know, but I'll figure something out." He looked at her. "We need to wake up early in the morning to go to school. Do you think you can sleep until then?" "I will try." "Are you sure you are ready to go back to school?" "Yes. I'm alright." "I still think you shouldn't go tomorrow. Daisuke or Takeru can bring you the subjects later, so you can catch up." "I don't want to miss school because mom will check on me all day and not do anything else. I don't want her to worry about me. She already has too much to take care of." "Hikari." Tailmon said in a low tone as she looked at her partner. At some point she had woken up without Hikari having realized it. "Well, you know mom. You can't really blame her, can you?" "No." Hikari said eventually and rolled over to look at the white wall. "Good night, brother." "Good night, Hikari."

Keep reading on FF.net or AO3

[1plus1kiyoomi]

Chapter 5: 3-day free trial Day 1

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Day 1

A very rare day off. Usually, Sakusa would spend it cleaning his whole house, but this time Kia is around. Does he ask her to help? What does a 30-month old know about cleaning?

The night before, it was chill. Kia slept immediately after eating dinner and bathing, probably because she was tired from the flight. Plus, his parents were there to help him. He starts to think not to let the toddler nap so she’ll sleep immediately.

You are still in Tokyo, processing some papers for work and will arrive 3 days after. Which means, Sakusa has to take care of Kia alone for 3 days. He really has no idea on what to do. You gave him a schedule of Kia’s routines, but he thinks it’s systematically ridiculous. He has no free time at all.

6:30 AM: wake up (don’t let her stay in bed for a long time or you’ll suffer tonight)

7:30 AM: breakfast (she eats solid food and isn’t allergic to anything. she also isn’t picky. just make sure you cut her food into small pieces)

8:00 AM: bath (she loves playing with water. watch her carefully. she might slip and hit her head.)

8:30 AM: household chores (she likes helping with the chores, especially folding clothes and hanging the laundry)

11:30 AM: lunch

1:00 PM: nap time (give her milk. make sure you let her help you with the chores or she’ll not sleep. she has a lot of energy. also, this is your alone time. spend it wisely.)

3:00 PM: wake up. (give her snacks)

7:00 PM: wash.

8:00 PM: dinner.

10:00 PM: sleep.

She’s not as messy as other kids, but she’s still a child, she can’t help it but make mess. Go easy on her.

“Is this how she spends her time?” Sakusa stares at the piece of paper disappointedly. He checks the clock on the wall it’s almost time for Kia to wake up. “Right. Her mom said she’ll call any minute now.”

Sakusa goes to the room and opens the blinds, waking Kia up. She sits up, looking around the unfamiliar room. She sees Sakusa and raises her hands, a sign to lift her up, but he doesn’t understand. “What?”

Kia starts crying, confusing the hell out of Sakusa. He gives her a bottle of milk but she rejects it. She continues to raise her arms, her cries getting louder. Sakusa wants to throw her out of the window, but that would be murder and you will definitely kill him for it.

Kia stops crying then stares at him with teary eyes. They look at each other as if they are competing on a staring contest. And he wins, Kia says what she wants. “Carry.”

“We have to change your diaper first. Then, I’ll carry you.”

“Okay.”

Kia jumps out of bed and runs to the bathroom, Sakusa following behind her in a safe distance. He puts her on the changing station, lying her on her back. He changes the diaper in horror, but Kia is just enjoying the lights in the bathroom.

Not long after having changed her diapers, you call Sakusa. He puts Kia on the high chair, then answers your call. He takes a phone stand and leans his phone on it, so you can talk to your daughter properly. “Mama!” Kia cheers upon seeing your face.

“Baby!” You coo on the other line. “How are you? I miss you!”

‘Already? Pfft. It hasn’t even been 24 hours since you last saw her.’

Sakusa continues to make rice balls. First he makes his, since he is unsure of how much Kia can eat. He puts his finished onigiris aside, then stands behind Kia’s chair to see ask you.

The moment you see him on screen, a blush creeps on your cheeks. He is wearing a loose maroon shirt that shaped his shoulder way too good for your liking. You stare at him without realizing. ‘Has his shoulders always been that broad?’

“Hey, I’m asking you something.” He calls and you snap out of your thoughts. You clear your throat and answer with a hum. He rolls his eyes and repeats his question. “Is this enough rice for Kia?” He tilts the plate of rice, showing it to you.

You act as if you are examining the plate but you are actually too busy staring at his toned and veiny forearms. You nod at him and he leaves the screen again. You pout and forget about Kia who is staring at you. After a while of assessing your face, Kia finally concludes on why you look upset.

“Kyo, go back here. Mama’s sad. She wants to see you, too.”

The room falls silent, and your apartment that is hundreds of kilometers away from them does too. Sakusa, to save you from embarrassment, pretends not to hear Kia’s statement. Then, he hears you speak, “Kia, baby. I have to go to work now. Bye!”

You end the call immediately. Sakusa on the other hand still looks unbothered, but deep down he is smiling like an idiot. But Kia saddens upon seeing the black screen on the device.

“What’s that?” Kia asks out of curiosity and boredom, pointing at Sakusa’s hands that are molding the rice into tiny balls she won’t choke on.

“Your food.”

“What food?”

“Onigiri.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“Why Onigiri?”

“What do you want to eat?”

“Onigiri.”

“Then, shut up. You won’t get to eat if you don’t keep quiet.”

“Why should I?”

Sakusa groans, then puts the plate of rice balls down on the counter rather agreesively. Kia’s lower lip quivers, staring at him in guilt. He takes a deep breath in before continuing to shape the ham and cheese as he prays for more patience.

Sakusa places the finished food on her tray, then lifts Kia up of her chair to bring her to the sink. He helps her wash and dry her hands before returning her back to the table. She bows her head, mumbling a soft ‘itadakimasu’ before holding onto her spoon. She attempts to put a piece of carrot on her spoon, but fails miserably.

“Feed me!” Kia announces in which Sakusa responds with a sigh. He leaves his food to feed her. He takes the spoon from her hand and attempts to feed her. He honestly wants to shove it in her mouth, but he doesn’t want a child to die in his house because of choking.

“Don’t make a mess,” Sakusa warns, and she nods. He continues to feed her and she is calm to his surprise. On her last rice ball, Kia looks at Sakusa in anticipation but only to be rewarded by a stare.

Sakusa puts Kia down before he cleans her seat and wash her plate. He continues to eat his and tells her to go to her room. She runs to her room and start playing with whatever toy there is in there. She spots a marker and takes the lid off. She runs to the wall and starts scribbling on it in delight. Sakusa finishes eating and washing with the dishes so he checks up on Kia.

“What are you doing?!” He shouts, seeing the markings on the wall. Kia looks at him in shock, dropping the pen to the ground. She starts crying as Sakusa marches towards her. “Why did you draw on the wall?!”

“I’m sorry!” Kia cries, feeling guilty of what she has done.

“You better be because you just made a mess on my wall!” Sakusa scolds, picking up the pen she just used. He takes the other pens on the table and throws them forcefully in the trashcan. Kia cries even harder which irritates Sakusa. “Shut up!”

Kia stops crying because of his words. “Do you not like Kia?” She asks innocently.

“I don’t like messy children like you,” he answers in a stern manner before he aggressively wipes the ink off the wall with wipes. He looks at Kia, expecting her to cry but she is only staring at the wall.

“I thought papa loves me...” Kia mumbles before sitting down on the floor. Sakusa didn’t hear her words due to the stress that is filling him in. Preoccupied with cleaning, he doesn’t realize Kia staring at the wall unhealthily.

Sakusa finishes and grabs clothes from her drawer and the baby bag you prepared in case they go out. He changes Kia then leaves the room. He places Kia in the highchair again so he can change into his practice clothes.

“I won’t be able to survive being alone with you for anymore time.”

-------

The two enter the gym, Kia garnering everyone’s attention. He instructs her to sit at the bench and not to move unless it’s necessary. Everyone is quiet, confused as hell, and cannot believe what they are seeing. Sakusa Kiyoomi with a child, a child that resembles him way too much.

“Is that your daughter?” Bokuto excitedly asks, the other members are so thankful and ashamed of him for asking the question they all want to ask. “She’s taller than I thought!”

“Did you think she was 1 foot tall or something?” Atsumu remarks, walking closer to the child with Hinata. Kia’s eyes glimmers as she sees them.

She stands on the bench, looking up to them. The volleyball players put their hands on their knees, crouching, to level with Kia’s height. “You’re very tall!” Kia exclaims excitedly.

Hinata blushes at her statement, “I am?” He giggles, lifting Kia up. “You’re so cute!”

Atsumu examines her features silently, glancing at Sakusa to do some comparisons. She smiles at the faux blonde and captures his heart immediately. He clutches on his chest exaggeratedly, making Kia giggle.

“You look like your papa but cuter!” Atsumu coos at her, pinching her cheek.

Kia’s eyes widen in excitement upon hearing the word ‘papa.’ She jumps to Atsumu’s arms, which he luckily catches her. “You know my papa?”

Everyone in the room becomes silent with Kia’s question. Atsumu tilts her head to the side, then looks at Sakusa. He is looking at the court, obviously not paying attention to Kia or what she is saying. “Isn’t he your papa?” Atsumu asks, pointing a finger at Sakusa.

“My mama said papa is tall and handsome with curly hair. He also has black hair and black eyes and fair skin! He is also very tall!” Kia rambles.

Isn’t she describing Sakusa? Everyone in the room thinks.

“But Kyo!” She points at Sakusa who is now staring at her. “He’s a monster!”

Sakusa grabs a volleyball and the team members stop him from hitting Kia with it. He shouts in frustration, leaving the gym. Kia starts crying in fear again and the boys help her quiet down. Atsumu hands her to Hinata before chasing after Sakusa.

Atsumu spots Sakusa at the lockers, sitting quietly on his spot. The blonde sits a bench away from him, giving him enough space. Sakusa looks at him and sighs. “I can’t believe you’re the one I’m talking to.”

“If you prefer to talk with Hinata or Bokuto, I’ll go call them.”

“Please, no. You’re the most sane out of the three.”

“Thanks?” Atsumu chuckles, then waits for Sakusa to say something again. He’s aware of how blunt Sakusa is with his words, but Kia just seem to shut him up. He can’t say anything to her.

“What seems to be the problem?” Atsumu starts, knowing Sakusa won’t say anything if he doesn’t.

Atsumu is seen as asshole by everybody, but he is definitely not a bad friend. Sakusa may not consider him as one, but he does. And he’s more than willing to listen and talk to him.

“Kia. I just don’t really like children.”

Atsumu takes a deep breath in before asking Sakusa a question that can get him killed by the ace. “So why are you trying?”

Sakusa processes his question then laughs. Atsumu is getting scared. He has always seen Sakusa as a psychopath and he is showing signs right now. He is about to flee the room but Sakusa answers him.

“Because I want her mom back.”

But he doesn’t want Kia.

--

After their practice, Sakusa, Bokuto, Atsumu and Hinata decide to eat dinner together. Atsumu lowkey scared for Kia. What if he doesn’t feed her dinner? He’s even thinking of bringing her home until you arrive.

They arrive in Miya Onigiri, the only place Sakusa trusts to dine in. They get seated in the private room, Osamu well-aware of Sakusa’s hate towards crowds. He got surprised about seeing Kia, too, but he didn’t say anything. He gives her a highchair and she thanks him gleefully. He ruffles her hair before helping her up in the chair. After taking their orders, he goes to the kitchen to make it.

Kia sits between Sakusa and Atsumu, while Bokuto and Hinata sit across them. Kia is busy chatting with the boys when Sakusa’s phone starts to ring so he checks it and see that you’re calling. He answers it and hands the phone to Kia.

“Mama!” Kia cheers. “Look! I’ve got new friends!” She shows Hinata and Bokuto on the screen, and your eyes widen. Bokuto quiets down and stares at you in shock as well.

“Akaashi’s cousin!” Bokuto says. “Kia is your daughter too? She’s Omi-kun’s daughter as well!” You chuckle awkwardly until they grey hair boy hits realization. “You said Kia’s father is dead!”

“I never said that!” You reply in defense. Upon hearing your exchange with Bokuto, Sakusa gets bothered. Did you really say he was dead to other people?

“Bokuto don’t shout at my mama like that!” Kia pouts. You call her and tells her to use polite terms with the three since they’re her uncles.

Atsumu laughs at your statement and his deep laugh catches you off guard. Kia shows herself in the camera again and Atsumu is seen too. “We’re at the age that we’re considered as uncles already, huh?”

“Yes, you are.” You clarify and Atsumu scoffs.

“I’m Miya Atsumu by the way,” he introduces and you introduce yourself back. The three of you, with Kia, continue to call as they wait for their food. Atsumu asks questions about you which is annoying Sakusa every time you answer it with ethusiasm. The food arrives so they say their goodbyes, then you end the call as soon as Atsumu says bye, not giving Sakusa the chance to talk to you.

“You can’t use spoon well yet?” Atsumu coos, taking Kia’s spoon. He feeds her as he eats as well, the irritation in Sakusa’s body growing even more.

After eating, it is time to say good bye. And Kia isn’t letting go of Atsumu.

“I wanna stay with you!” Kia cries, clinging onto Atsumu’s neck. Having enough of Kia being way too attached to Atsumu, Sakusa grabs Kia out of the blonde’s grasps, leaving her to cry. She throws punches on his chest which obviously has no effect, but she’s trying okay?

“He’s my papa! Not you!”

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[prev]  [next]

Random Facts:

Before Kia left for Osaka, Akaashi told her that Kiyoomi is her dad. She didn’t believe him.

Meian now has the baby fever.

Taglist:  @elianetsantana aoi-turtle ptv-hades  aquzairus a-applepi  justoneofthefangirls arianna-r13 morenabambinii

[chibinekochan]

How to become a Demon Ruler 210

Part: 00 I 01 I 02 I 03 I 04 I 05 I 06 I 07 I 08 I 09 I

Gender Neutral Reader insert

taglist: @ayesha95 ; @nomnomcupcakesworld ; @fex-phoenix ; @depressed-bixch ; @kitsune-oji ; @witch-o-memes ; @gallantys ,@tanspostsblog ; @undertaker-02 ,

---------------------------------

At some point, I wake up. I hear the sounds of soft snoring beside me.

I laugh as I see Diavolo sprawled out on my bed, fast asleep.

I'm still a bit sluggish but I feel much better. It really must've been exhaustion that made me sick. I wonder how long I slept and carefully get out of bed. Tiptoeing around to not wake Diavolo. He looks kinda cute like this. It's hard not to poke his cheek when he is looking so peaceful.

I look at the clock and realize that my classes have already started. For a moment I panic when I see a note on the clock.

You are taking today off to get better.

I asked the brothers to bring you today's homework later.

-Diavolo

I smile at the poorly written note, he probably did it in the dark with only his phone light.

I suppose I should go and take a shower now. Even if I'm resting today I feel somewhat sticky.

Just when I'm about to turn around I see Diavolo opening his eyes. He looks at me with sleepy eyes.

"Good morning. You can keep lying. I will take a shower." Somehow this feels nice. Waking up like this, besides him.

"Good morning. Are you feeling better?" His voice sounds muffled, he must be still waking up.

"Yes, thanks to your great care I'm feeling much better." I show him an energetic smile.

"I'm glad." He smiles at me. "I guess I'm doing pretty okay for a big brother after all." He still seems to be half asleep but these words hurt more than I expected.

"You do." I press the words out. "I will take my shower now." I rush to the bathroom.

I'm a true fool after all. Not only can't I see Diavolo as my brother but my feelings for him only grow.

Then there is also the fight between him and Barbatos that troubles me greatly. Both of them are very important to me.

Liking two people like this at the same time is serious trouble. Especially since they both see me as master and sibling respectively.

What a mess. I could use some real advice.

I sigh and step into the shower. Trying to clear my head while cleaning my body.

It's refreshing and the thought of breakfast makes me forget my other troubles for now.

I dress and go back into my room.

Diavolo is sitting on my bed. He must need a long time to wake up. It's endearing somehow. I sigh at myself, I need to stop this.

"Ah, you are done. Breakfast came while you were away. Shall we eat together?" Diavolo stands up and walks to the already set table. It doesn't look like Barbatos work, it's somehow rather sloppily done.

"Of course, but why won't we eat in the normal room?" It seems a bit strange to me.

"Well, that is because I don't wish to see Barbatos right now. I had No. 2 serve us breakfast today." Diavolo is still hung up on what happened yesterday.

"You know that you have to see him eventually, right?" It seems somewhat childish to me, even when I understand how much this must've shaken Diavolo to his core.

"I know, but not now." He sighs and sits down at the table.

I shake my head, I need to help them to make up.

We both eat in relative silence.

Diavolo seems to have a lot on his mind and so do I.

After we are done he looks at me with a grave expression. "I fear that I have work to do."

I saw this coming. "I'm much better so you don't need to worry. I will just rest until I get my homework. I need to catch up on devil tube. Yesterday the demon brothers told me all about it." I gently reassure Diavolo.

"I'm glad to hear that. I will make sure the brothers will give you your homework and you promise that you will stay here." He looks at me pleading.

"I won't move. I promise." It's easy to agree with him since I'm still a bit tired after all.

Diavolo nods and pats my head. As nice as it feels he seems to think of me as a child or something of that nature.

It's frustrating.

"I will trust you. Get as much rest as you can. If you feel in any way off by the evening you will take tomorrow off as well." Diavolo is usually stern with me.

"Alright." I know he is only worried and so I agree.

This seems to relieve him a little bit at least.

Diavolo then looks at me one more time before returning to his duties.

I lay on my bed, scrolling on my phone through some comments under devil tube videos when I hear a knock on my door.

"Come in ," I yell.

The door is slowly opened and I see Barbatos peeking his head in. "I'm not sure if you wish to see me but I felt the need to apologize to you in person." He looks very pale like he didn't sleep at all.

"I want to see you, don't be silly and just for the records I don't blame you at all." I smile at him to strengthen my point.

Barbatos steps into my room, closing the door behind him. He has a cart with snacks and tea.

Probably his way of apologizing to me.

He slowly makes his way towards me. Then he pauses a good distance away from me as if being close to me would be a bother to me.

"It's my fault since I should have seen it. Not just because I should've been able to see that future but also because it was so obviously dangerous. I can't state enough how much I have failed you." His face looks like it's frozen or rather like he is in deep pain.

"Even if you were there you couldn't prevent any possible outcome. I mean there is always a small chance I die. Humans are fragile after all. I could slip on the bathroom or something. It's not possible for you to protect me 24/7 and to be honest, that wouldn’t be what I want. I need to do my own thing and I like to be alone too." I try to approach this from a logical angle.

"That might be true, but I always prevented any likely harm to you. I always tried to lead you down the path of least likely harm." Barbatos seems to have a hard time telling me this.

Now a few of his strange requests make sense.

"So you were saving me without me even knowing it? Thank you for that." It's very nice of him for sure.

Barbatos nods. "Sadly for some reason, my ability seems to weaken when it comes to you. I'm not sure why. Usually, nobody is capable of surprising me at all but you somehow always do." A short-lived smile appears on his face.

"I see but then you are even less to blame. No matter what you think I don't blame you at all." I can understand his guilt but I miss the old Barbatos.

"I appreciate the sentiment but honestly I was thinking of stepping down as your butler. I can't serve you properly." His face mirrors deep pain.

I also gasp at his words. "There is no way that I'm willing to accept this!" I raise my voice.

Barbatos seems to be taken aback. "But master, I cannot give you the full protection that you need. I failed you."He is serious.

I can't just let Barbatos quit. His duty is so important to him and he always works so hard to make me and Diavolo happy. Even when that also creates a gap between us.

"I can't stop you, but I will not accept another butler or maid to serve me." I look at him with determination.

"But Master, you need someone to serve you." Barbatos frowns.

I cross my arms. "Too bad, if I have to have a servant it can only be the best and that is you." I'm stubborn but I'm also right.

Barbatos sighs, he seems conflicted. "Even master Diavolo told me it would be better if I wouldn't come near you anymore." These words seem to hurt him.

"Diavolo is just very scared that this might happen again. I think it's easy enough to prevent though. And regardless of his feelings, my trust in you is unmoved." I voice my feelings for him.

the

Barbatos closes his eyes. There must be many things running through his head right now.

"Be honest, would you want anyone else to serve me?" I know his answer could hurt and I brace myself for that possibility.

Barbatos opens his eyes, they aren't wavering at all. "No." Then he pauses a moment. "I would not like that one bit. I believe I'm the best to serve you." His pride as a butler has not been broken at least.

I nod. "I feel the same way. Even if you can't see every possible future I want to keep you as my butler. I care deeply about you and there just can't be anyone else." I let my true feelings slip a little bit but it looks like my words reach him.

He smiles gently and steps closer. He kneels on the ground just before my bed. His eyes focus on me.

My cheeks grow hot. He is so close.

"May I keep being your butler despite my countless failings?" He asks in a very humble-sounding voice.

"You may, in fact, I order you to do so." I do my best-spoiled brat expression.

Barbatos then takes my hand and kisses the back of it. His lips feel cold but pleasant.

"I swear I will do whatever I can for you. Whatever order you give me will be fulfilled." Barbatos is earnest, this exchange is very intimate. I can feel the weight of his promise.

"I gladly accept you as my butler but don't forget that I also see you as a friend." And potentially more but I don't mention that part.

Barbatos nods and smiles softly. "Thank you for your kindness."

At least he seems more normal now, but the rift between him and Diavolo is still very much there. I need to think of a plan.

But first I want to eat the delicious snacks that Barbatos has brought me.

"Why don't you join me for some tea?" I feel like it's been forever since I saw him.

He looks a bit surprised for a moment. "Very well, I have some time for that." Then he smiles and prepares the table for us.

I slowly stand up and sit down across from him. The treats all look so good. "With what should I start?" I ask this more to myself.

"I recommend these fresh hell berry tarts, they are best when still slightly cold." Barbatos points to them.

They look very good. "Alright, I will start with them."I take one to my plate and take a bite. "Wow, you were not exaggerating. This is the best tart I ever had." I pretty much have stars in my eyes. It is that good.

Barbatos chuckles. "It was well worth the time I spent then."

"Did you see this in one of your visions too?" Now you wonder if all the food was so good because of that.

"No, as I said my ability isn't working on you and I'm quite confident in my skills. I was certain you would enjoy this. Even when I didn't expect you to love it this much." He smiles at me full of confidence.

I like this Barbatos much better. "I always love your food. I might become the avatar of gluttony at this point." I laugh.

"You still are far away from that plus it's good when you enjoy your food this much." He smiles gently.

"If I'm becoming fat you take responsibility." I tease him slightly.

He simply nods. "I will."

I didn't expect this straightforward

It's somehow embarrassing so I just continue eating to avoid that feeling.

Barbatos seems to just watch me the entire time. I'm about to complain about that when he suddenly touches my cheek.

My cheeks heat up instantly. It was just a light touch that didn't even last longer than a second but it still surprised me.

"You had some cream there." He smiles sheepishly at me and licks his finger.

This feels very intimate to me. "You should eat the tart instead of the cream on my face." I try to hide my ever-hot cheeks and ever-growing emotions.

"You are right but it might taste better this way." Barbatos nonchalantly takes a tart of his own.

"You are pretty cheeky sometimes." I mostly blurt this out, but it is true.

"Only to those close enough to me." Barbatos calmly looks at me after saying such words. My heart skips several beats.

I'm happy that he feels this way about me. Though it's still bugging me that he always manages to embarrass me. He isn't as bad as Diavolo in that regard but he is very troublesome in his own right.

Then suddenly I see an opportunity for payback.

I quickly seize my chance and wipe a bit of cream off his lip. His surprised face alone makes it all worth it.

He simply stares at me, mouth agape.

"You had some cream there." I smile and lick the cream off my finger.

Barbatos cheeks turn crimson, a full success. At least until I realize that this can count as an indirect kiss.

Now we are both embarrassed.

So I guess it ends in a tie today.

[boop-le-snoot]

masterpost ☀️ main masterlist ☀️ taglist

previously on...

This chapter is very dialogue heavy. Stephen Strange being a little bit of a dick and Tony being a sweetheart. No warnings here, just plot and worldbuilding. I think Tony is his own warning to be honest... Do we want fun facts before each chapter like before or nah?

Sorcerer Strange stared at me with the heat of a plasma beam after I finished stuttering throughout my story, one accurate eyebrow raised and sharp cheekbones painting him displeased and dangerous in the yellow light of the store lamps. The whole experience shook me more than I would have liked to admit to myself and his mute reaction wasn't helping matters at all.

"Hmph," he finally cleared his throat, taking a step back and casting a thoughtful look over the shelves in the store. "You did all you could. Perhaps, we owe you gratitude," his tone was far kinder than his face. "How long have you been doing... This?" He vaguely gestured with a gloved hand.

"Long enough," I replied without thinking. My stress levels urgently rose above acceptable and the feelings needed to be let out now; Wong's dismissive attitude and Strange's half-assed apology for the attitude was still fresh in my mind.

The sorcerer sighed, briefly touching the bridge of his nose. "I won't pretend to understand the reason for your hostility but I'd like to remind you we're on the same side here," his steely blue eyes attempted to peer into my soul.

"There are no sides here," whatever he was selling, I wasn't buying it. "There are just people who get hurt, either because of unstable maniacs with superpowers or aliens who think Earth is an all-you-can-kill buffet," I stuck my dirty, bloody hands in my pockets. "You do your part in mitigating the damage, I do mine. That's all there is."

"And you would be making my job expotentionally harder if you get in the way and slow down professionals, even if you mean well," the man's temper had, evidently, won over and he immediately got on the defensive, crossing his arms and trying to glare me down.

Odette's words rang true, starting a storm of hollow anger in the pit of my skull. "Now listen here, you privileged prick," the damn burst at the seams as I squared up to give him a piece of my mind. "You and your Hogwarts rejects and the merry band of billionaires may have the opportunity to 24/7 healthcare and near-instant compensation for any damages the villain of the week decides to bestow upon your shallow little heads," I advanced half a step towards Strange, hands bailed into tight fists, internally rejoicing at the way he leaned back. My blood sang with adrenaline as I breathed the exhilaration.

"But how many people do you overlook? How many children never make it because your super secret organisation gives their parents an ultimatum just because they are different? This is a safe space for the ones you pretend not to see until it's convenient and it will stay that way, over my fucking dead body, if need be," I stared at the tall man, almost physically feeling his brain halt and pause with the cartoony sound of screeching tires. Whatever he was expecting, it wasn't this.

A pregnant pause hung in the air, both of us waiting for the other to explode.

"Don't you think I am aware," Strange finally seethed through gritted teeth, alarming golden sparks shining in his eyes. "The Avengers are not under the rule of SHIELD and I, personally, have no affiliation with either. I do not condone their barbaric methods," the man was struggling to form his sentences properly but even despite that, I understood his ideas.

I desperately wanted to believe his words to be true, I really did, but... "Then do your fucking job and let me do mine. I do not go out there and intervene, I merely clean up the mess you all leave. Something that nobody wants to do do, so unless you've got any takers, I'll keep helping those you deem unfit," in a fit of muted rage, I flew my arm to point at the abandoned cars and destroyed concrete outside of the window, the empty street and the clouds of dust rising into the moody skies.

The entrance door flew open suddenly, with a force strong enough to bang the heavy, old handle against something outside, letting in the stuffy air inside the bodega. Strange jumped at the sound of the screaming hinges, my own heart skipping a beat from the startling interruption.

Visibly composing himself, the man pierced me with a final stare before starting a dangerously quiet, "Very well, goodbye," and hightailing it out of Odette's before disappearing in a golden circle just outside the front porch.

I let my shoulders sag for a brief moment of respite, feeling the tension bleed out of me and penetrate every nook and cranny in the room. My protection charms were mostly destroyed, silver dull, glass and amber crackled. Tossing them into the appropriate recycling bin, I set to clean up the shop, flying through the motions in record time and wandering home through the damaged streets on autopilot.

My anger had cost me more than a fortune in my past but no matter how much I sought to reason with myself, I couldn't bring it to justify Strange's attitude towards my choices. The more I thought about it, the less rational my guesses became; I forced myself to stop thinking about it when my brain had unhelpfully supplied an absurd notion of him being jealous of my lifestyle: he knew next to nothing of my skills and his opinion was based solely on seeing me work the store front and one cleansing spell I'd performed on Bucky. There was simply no rational explanation for his behaviour.

NYC life wasn't affected by the battle in the slightest, it seemed; a day and a half later, I was back at Jeremy's, serving overpriced hot beverages to the rich and the busy. I'd slept on the Bucky and Strange situation, got a handle on my feelings and decided to simply put it away. There were other, more pressing things to worry about than a couple of men.

I didn't expect the flood of anxiety that turned my hands to lead upon seeing Tony Stark's signature suit-and-sunglasses wearing ass waltz into the café. He flashed me his usual easy grin but didn't remove his glasses, eyes eerily blank behind them, as he motioned for his usual order before leaning on the countertop with the entirety of his upper body. "So, Starshine, what is it exactly that you do?" Came the question I was dreading. "Are you, like, a witch? The broomstick and cauldron kind?"

"Mr. Stark, I am serving you coffee and a muffin as we speak," I replied curtly, raising an eyebrow.

"Drop the act, honeybuns. I thought we were friends," if I squinted, I could see that he was genuinely hurt by my lack of desire to communicate. Or, perhaps, he simply was unused to not satisfying his curiosities immediately.

Either way, I stood no chance against Stark patented puppy eyes. "I clock out at two," a sigh of epic magnitude left my mouth against my will. "You can interrogate me then. Until that, it's lattes and cheesecakes only."

Tony narrowed his eyes, smile warming up by a smidgen. "Interrogate you? Never," he pocketed the napkin with Dr. Banner's scribbles the doc had forgotten last time. "I'm merely curious." Another flash of his teeth and he was gone, taking what little peace I had left along with him.

The hands on the clock made their hurried rounds over and over. My chest had grown it's own set of ticking, grinding, mismatched gears as the endless possibilities coursed a steady stream through my head. Tony Stark was a wild card, his struggles with authority a widely known fact, as frequent as his strange habits in just about anything. And while I doubted I would get ambushed and locked up, I had no qualms of him berating me for telling off his boyfriend. He seemed like the possessive, overprotective type, anyways.

As soon as I exited the café, surrounded by the smells of flour and coffee grounds, my eyes immediately landed on the shiny, brand new Audi illegally parked right in front of the establishment, it's owner leisurely leaning against the hood with a face of contented boredom as passerby pedestrians shamelessly ogled him and his ride. His face lit up as he noticed me, immediately rushing to hold the passenger side door open for my comfort. "M'lady," the dorky remark didn't fail to summon a smile to my face even if it was a weak shadow of my usual camaraderie.

"Mr. Stark," I greeted him as soon as he peeled off the crowded sidewalk.

The lack of joy on my face didn't go unnoticed by him and every now and then, he snuck a glance at my face. "Relax, Starshine, I won't bite."

"Well," I mumbled, remembering the vicious way I had torn into his boyfriend. "Good to know."

Seeing as that didn't do much for my nerves, he suddenly swerved right, rushing into a busy intersection with the ease of a practiced manic driver. "I'm feeling like a cheeseburger," he announced unceremoniously, pulling into a parking lot of some place I never noticed.

I doubted that I could swallow anything at all but relented, sitting down opposite him in the furthest booth from the entrance. I ordered the biggest milkshake they had as Tony grinned big at the waitress, finally taking off his sunglasses when she left for the kitchen.

I rested my elbows on the table under the scrutiny of his gaze. He kept quiet. I couldn't hold back my curiosity any more. "So?"

His sharp, clever brown eyes captured and held mine for the longest second in my life. I struggled not to break eye contact until he relented, focusing on the shine of my rings instead. "RoboCop almost died from the shit that happened to him," Tony's words were curt. I inhaled sharply, assuming he was talking about Barnes. The engineer's fingers began to fiddle with his glasses. "We couldn't figure out how you helped him. Not the medical, not Banner, not me and and not even Steph," he paused to run a hand through his hair. "Barnes was hit with a poisoned arrow. There were no toxins left in his body, not even a single inflammation marker showed up on the tests." With that, Tony expectantly turned to me.

I chewed on my lip in contemplation. "Magic," I simply answered, figuring Strange had already briefed him about my occupation.

Tony shook his head with a snort. "Magic that the Sorcerer Supreme doesn't recognize or cannot detect?" The question was saved in nature.

Stephen Strange was Sorcerer Supreme and I had pissed him off and remained alive. I couldn't believe my luck, if Odette's stories were anything to go by. Inwardly rejoicing, I nonetheless resigned to answer truthfully. "Because there is nothing to detect, no foreign energy," I tried to phrase it in a way a scientist could understand. "What I use to heal, it is given me by nature and willingly. Think of me as a... Conductor. I merely store the energy short-term and direct it where it is needed."

That sparked a visible interest in Tony. He leaned forward, running my whole form, over and over, with his sharp eyes, searching for something I knew he wouldn't find. "Like... Making a blood transfusion?" It was obvious that he was thinking hard about the subject. "Like a successful organ transplant?"

"Something like that," I agreed amicably, seeing as he was talking at himself rather than engaging in a conversation with me.

"But it doesn't come from nothing, the first law of thermodynamics..." He started off in slight confusion.

"Yes, the total amount of energy remains constant," I interrupted him, making his eyes widen. "It's all around us, Mr. Stark. You cannot see it, and most people even cannot feel it, but mother Earth supports her creations. More than we like to think," the corner of my mouth tilted upward at the memories. Working with Gaia directly was like being briefly submersed in a cocoon of pure, warm sunshine; like being held in mother's arms as a babe. "She is kind and she is merciful, especially to the ones whose suffering is unjust," I let the man mull over my words.

The waitress brought our orders; my throat was parched, I took a few haste gulps of the chocolate milkshake. Tony's burger, however, remained unnoticed and untouched.

"Earth is a sentient organism?"

The question made my eyebrows rise; I coughed slightly, meeting his confused eyes with a smirk. "Mr. Stark, keep your science headcanons to yourself," the banter came easily now that the status quo was established.

He rolled his eyes, fitfully resisting the smile tugging at his mouth. "I'm telling on you to Mean Green," there was no malice behind his words.

I doubted the shy scientist would do much more than stutter out two jumbled questions but let the topic slide in favour of closing up on the issue. "Would you call a wolf sentient? No," I shook my head. "But it is autonomous, it has free will. Think of it like that," I wasn't really up to par on explaining Tony all the ins and outs of my craft. The more I spoke, the more questions danced in his eyes. It was charming but not something I wanted to spend most of my day on.

"I won't pretend to be anything but sceptical but as it is, I happen to be dating a wizard," the engineer finally chortled, making hands for his burger. He made a vague gesture with his fork, expression still not-quite out of the thinking place.

"They say opposites attract," I shrugged.

"Romanoff keeps saying we're two sides of the same coin, so," he non-commitally shrugged in return. "Can't help but wonder what the fuck did you tell him that day. He was seething," Tony raised an eyebrow, tone teasing.

"Oh lord," I briefly palmed my face. "Here comes the shovel talk."

"No, no," a fry landed on the table in front of me. I snatched it right from under Tony's hand. He pouted. "He probably deserved it. I mean, you saved the Terminator and, honestly," he paused. "I heard about one third of his rant and I distinctly remember something about 'girls way over their heads' and whatnot," he did a poor imitation of his boyfriend's deep voice. "Now, I consider myself a feminist so, respectfully, I disagree," he finished with a self-satisfied smirk.

I blanked, trying to process the avalanche of information. "That's a lot to unpack," I acquiesced.

"It means he likes you. I would know," the man had the audacity to wink at me. And that, ladies and gentlemen, was Tony Stark.

"Are you hitting on me for your boyfriend?" I couldn't resist snarking back, briefly catching his eyes as I polished off my milkshake.

Tony looked at me through his thick, long lashes, a picture perfect visage of surprised innocence. "Maybe," his tone a little too south of friendly, the direction of his eyes a bit lower than my face.

The snort escaped me before I could put a stop to it. The banter - it was easy, comforting in this situation where I found myself to be akin a fish out of water. Like I was a slightly socially awkward witch, Tony was a genius engineer and a notorious flirt. He toed the lines of appropriate with practiced gusto and I hadn't had the heart to do anything but indulge in a little bit of harmless fun ever since he first stepped foot in the café, seeing right through his stone cold facade of an alleged womaniser. Call it a hunch, if you will.

Say what you want about Tony Stark but one thing was definite: he was a gentleman. I thoroughly enjoyed my ride home in his expensive, fast, latest model car. As the city streets zoomed by in a flurry of blurred lines and flashing colorful lights, I allowed my mind to finally calm and resume it's usual even wandering pace.

A hand loosely thrown over the steering wheel, Tony quietly hummed along to the music, playing with the hem of his tee whenever it wasn't occupied with driving the car. He looked so peaceful like that.

The sound system played some contemporary rock that blended in with the moderately busy afternoon of the NYC streets, submerging the surroundings in catharsis. Grey everything with the occasional burst of colour from a traffic light; the brief car ride lulled me into a state almost drowsy.

"You with me, Salem?" Tony's voice quietly took me out of my stupor.

I blinked, seeing the front door of my apartment building. "Yeah, yeah, thanks," I didn't resist the big, wide smile of relief and rejoiced upon seeing his face return to his normal expression, sparkling and mischievous. "That's my stop," I motioned lamely.

Something hung in the air, something unsaid. It leaked through the gaps between Tony's smile and his eyes, it filled up the car with something thick and foggy. I was powerless to stop its influence on me; the daze remained just as it was when we zoomed through city streets.

Tony's fingers twitched on the steering wheel as I exited the vehicle, giving him a short wave before he put pedal to the metal, quickly disappearing into the twilight. I watched his tail lights glow red amongst the flat blacks and greys and beiges of my surroundings, blinking away the dryness in my eyes only when the car disappeared from my view completely.

My apartment was just as I'd left it, warm and slightly messy- but a new feeling had crawled up from the very gutter of me, foreign and impending. The walls didn't breathe the comfort I had hoped I would finally find: if anything, none of what I encountered on my rapid beeline towards the couch felt real.

I'd grown accustomed to the comforts of my solitude and routine, to attached to the simplest task of being. Sorting through my dirty laundry had never been a favourable ordeal for me, I'd much rather lived in a relatively wide bubble- rationally, I knew that sooner or later, change had have to come, but there was nothing ever rational about having feelings on one matter or another.

My spirit was trying to tell me big things were coming and I had no choice but to listen and let the currents of fate and happenstance snatch me up and take me whichever way they pleased.

Taglist: @couldntbedamned @mikariell95 @letsby @sleep-i-ness @toomanyrobins @mostly-marvel-musings @persephonehemingway @schemefrenzy @lillsxd @bluecrazedandbeautiful @slothspaghettiwrites @xoxabs88xox

[whorefordazai]

requested by @ttaehyxx: About my appearance: I am (5'1), My hair around is my shoulder, with pink tips (I dunno how to say it aaa, but my hairs dyed in some parts👍) My eyes are blue (a rain blue mixed with green) I don’t really know my style. Nonetheless, I really like the Dark and the Academia clothing. about my personality: Some friends of mine describe me as reserved (which I agree) and anti social (which I don’t) If I had to describe myself I would say someone lost and confused??? See???? Arg. I like to say jokes dad jokes. THE BEST: I don’t know how to get to a person that I like (non romantical) and bring up a subject. No matter how much I do that, internally I will be in a panic without knowing what to do. I really like to know more about other people (the ones that I have interest -non romantically speaking). However, I usually get into the dillema of sending or not a message because I really don’t wanna bother the other person. I’m not good at talking about what I feel, so I try to write. In the end a lot of nonsense comes out. About my hobbies: I like listening to music and writing. As a friend, I show that I care about you asking about how was ur day and reminding to eat, drink and rest properly. We stan healthcare. In a relationship, I would describe myself as: I’d rather hug than be hugged. My loving language would be either acts of service or physical touch. (in this case It would be how I would act with my s/o): I (probably) would not declare first. I am very dense about flirting- before entering the relationship. (for example, if someone comes to flirt with me, I would think it was just a joke, because I do not like to interpret unspoken things and, in some way, leave the other person uncomfortable.).

Osamu Dazai! ´ˎ˗

👾 you and dazai might seem like total opposites, but that’s what makes it funnier. It would probably start off with dazai making a million jokes and pestering you day and night. but since you love dad jokes, dazai does too LMAO so literally no one is immune to you guys cracking dad jokes 24/7💔 he’s amazing at flirting, so he’ll be the first one to initiate anything.

👾 he actually finds it really beautiful how you write down your feelings. It kinda reminds him of oda. he’ll gladly have an arm around your waist or his head rested by your shoulder when you write and listen to music. when you ask him if he’s slept, eaten, or drunken water—his heart will kinda melt cuz he struggles with those things a lot. bonus points if you help him with it 😉

👾 dazai is usually the one who hugs others (but only because he doesn’t know how to accept genuine affection poor bby😔) so he’ll be kinda taken back and shocked when you randomly hug him. just simply rest his head on your chest and wrap your around his neck—he’ll never forget that.

👾 he’ll shamelessly flirt with you, even after you guys start dating. but this time, he genuinely really means it. he’s not exactly sure how to show you he loves you, so just bear with him a little until he can figure it out 😅 he’s absolute chaos, so he’ll probably drag you into his crazy antics and ask you for ideas on how to annoy kunikida.

SONGS ´ˎ˗

- juliet | cave town

- why’d you only call me when your high? | arctic monkeys

- friends | chase atlantic

- cloud 9 | beach bunny

- arms tonite | mother mother

MESSY LAYOUT ´ˎ˗

[jjk-biased]

youtuber! jungkook x youtuber! reader

crack! social media au

genre: fluff, crack, some angst

chapter summary: after somehow placing 2nd overall on OGN's e-sports festival, jin fulfills his bet by taking you and your friends to lotte world for a hopefully stress-free and peaceful day.

words: 1.8k (cannot be read as standalone)

warnings: aside from cussing, none!

24. unsaid feelings

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The fireworks painted the dark sky with bright hues of red and blue. And while it could be the most beautiful view they've ever seen, Jungkook would beg to differ.

You were his prettiest view. The way your eyes would twinkle at each spark. How bright your smile would become as the glitters danced in the sky. The way your delicate hand encased in his would tighten at each exciting moment.

You were breathtaking.

Jungkook had long since ceased watching the show. He instead chose to observe your reactions to it with a dumb smile on his face. It was adorable. You were adorable.

Finally feeling his gaze on you, you found yourself turning red. Your eyes met his, then you two leaned closer.

and closer

and closer.

Until your lips were a few centimeters apart.

As the last and greatest firework exploded, you two ki—

“WAKE THE HELL UP YOU DORKS!!!”

for fucks’ sake.

Laughter rang throughout the living room as Jungkook fell from the couch. They all slept at Namjoon’s house once again after the e-sports festival had ended and it extended until today. Like how the first sleepover turned out, everyone fell asleep in the living room.

“Noisy much, Jin?” You grumble, also waking up from Jin’s morning call.

“If we wanna enjoy Lotte World and get there early, y’all shoulda been up and about.”

“IT’S ONLY 7 AM WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!”

Hoseok, who somehow already had an immense amount of energy, cackled at you and Jungkook’s state. The others wordlessly began to wash their faces, some opted to help Jin with breakfast.

After a long time of preparing, the rambunctious group of friends finally went on their trip to Lotte World.

Unbeknownst to you and Jungkook, however, the little shits had planned something that you’re not sure whether to be thankful of or angry at.

Jungkook had finally admitted to everyone else, while you were fast asleep on the floor in between Namjoon and Hoseok, that he had been harboring a genuine liking towards you. He had gone to sleep not long after, and that was when Taehyung began to brew plans to give him a little push.

It’s been awhile since you’ve gone to any amusement park, so you had a child-like wonder painted on your face when everyone went in. It was absolutely adorable to say the least and even if Jungkook was unable to say it out loud, his dopey grin was enough.

You all thought it was a good idea to start the peaceful day with death disguised as rollercoasters. You’re sure you know who wanted everyone to die so early in the day, the terrified looks of all but one little shit told you more than you need to know.

“Do we really have to do what he says?” You grumble as Jungkook basks in his success.

“Might as well do it now when the line isn’t as long…” Yoongi trailed off, slowly losing the confidence he had stored in when he heard the shrieks of the people.

Luck might not be with you today when everyone scrambled to sit at the safest parts of the cart— which is everywhere but the first row. Moreover, the only person left to sit with you was none other than the idiot responsible for your demise that day.

“Hurry up pumpkin, you’re so slow!”

Whatever retort you wanted to throw was shoved in your throat when the staff secured your death seat.

��Aw is little pumpkin scared?”

“For the last time, jungleboy, I am nOT LI— FUCK THIS RIDE AAAAAH”

To say the least, your luck took a vacation and left you to suffer with Jungkook and the others.

Everyone decided to eat lunch after that traumatizing event. Namjoon and Jin were scouting for a place to eat, Hoseok and Yoongi decided to look for food choices, and that left you with the three youngest idiots of your idiot group to explore the rigged booths.

There was a shooting game where you just had to knock over the pyramid of cans to get the fluffiest alpaca ever. And while you’ve ingrained it in your mind that these games are scams, the child in you couldn’t resist wanting to win one because 1) alpaca soft 2) alpaca big.

Jungkook wasn’t an idiot— dear lord, someone tell him — or at least he could tell the meaning of your longing stare towards the cute alpaca plush.

With a sigh, he stopped you from doing one of the most dramatic “goodbyes” ever to an alpaca plush and tried for the game.

“Step right up, mister! Win anything in this booth for your girlfriend for the small price of ₩5,000!”

“Oh, w-we aren’t— he isn’t,” you pathetically denied. It seemed you were the only one who got embarrassed though because Jungkook didn’t deny anything.

He did it with so much ease that even the staff was left speechless at his show. Maybe it was the alpaca he gave you talking, but damn did butterflies erupt in your tummy. He looked so cool shooting the cans with so much focus. To think he spent money and did so just for you, you were sure your heart melted (and it wasn’t because of the heat!!)

You thought the funny feeling would die down after.

Boy were you wrong.

Time after time after time again, he never failed to make you feel giddy inside.

When the two of you were paired up for this horror house, he never made you feel embarrassed. He instead offered his arm to you, even going as far as wrapping said arm around you so you could find refuge in him when a particular bit scares you more. Poor boy was too flustered from the entire ordeal to even notice some of the scarers.

Then there was this time where he cheered out of glee when you won from one of the booths. (you two used Jin’s money though lmao) He had complimented you endlessly on how “great you were, pumpkin!”

Though he’d often tease you about your shorter stature, he lets you use him as a shade from the harsh sunlight. It was a small but nice gesture.

Everyone else retreated to the restrooms after thinking it was a good idea to drink a lot before going to the teacups ride. The look on their faces was a memory you’ll never forget.

You two sat on one of those benches nearby and began to talk about random things— ramens and gaming included. Jungkook received a text from Jimin saying that the lines were too long and they could roam around while waiting.

“How about we go to those souvenir shops? I wanna buy something now before it gets too crowded,” You suggested, pointing to the array of stores.

“I don’t mind that, let’s go!” He cheered, taking hold of your hand (you don’t know if he’s aware of that or not but it made you red).

The next hour was spent trying on dorky thingamajigs and whatnot. After trying on a pair of funny specs, you decided it was time to go back to checking out rides.

The sun had begun to set and pink hues scattered through the sky. It allowed for a more calm and serene mood to set in as you two walked, your arms linked, and roamed around the parks (as well as trying to ignore the bustling noise of happy kids and crying babies lmfao)

Ramen, that was the name of the alpaca Jungkook won for you, was safely tucked in his arms. You, on the other hand, were busy munching on the popcorn that Jungkook bought (it was supposed to be for himself but you had your ways)

You probably didn’t hear whatever was going around, too busy eating his popcorn to care, but Jungkook heard every murmur people threw your way. Admittedly, he wished that you two were actually a couple like the little kid said

He wasn’t sure how it began. You two started on a rather weird meeting— with you mocking his so-called fifth grader level skills in Overwatch to him replying rather pettily to win the argument. Somewhere down the line, you two actually had common friends and were forced to meet. That was the moment he was taken aback by you.

Well honestly, he was always taken aback.

You were witty; always had comebacks ready to deploy for every remark he had. You were skilled; not only a master at time management for balancing college life with your career, but also great at gaming. You were kind-hearted; though your verbal jabs were piercing, he knew you meant no harm.

You were too good for this world.

So when he had scared you, rather unintentionally, with a horror game, he regretted it so much. But to be honest, he was also thankful for that day. God knows he probably wouldn’t have had the chance to “restart” how he treated you if he hadn’t fucked up.

You probably didn’t notice how his teasing now focused more on the thought of you with him. While he isn’t the best at conveying romantic feelings, he was absolutely fluent in memes.

Thank god for memes.

But at some point, he does have to tell you what’s going on. He can’t stay in this weird space with you— somewhere between friends who fight and friends who flirt. With a shaky sigh, he decided today was the day.

As if the universe were with him, you then finally noticed his silence. It was heart-warming to see concern in your pretty face when you took note of the unusual quietness.

“Are you okay, kook?”

Like a goldfish out of water, he opened his mouth then closed it again.

Fuck, it was harder than he thought.

Thousands of thoughts went through his head. Will you take him seriously? Will you stop being friends? Will you hate him for the feelings he harbored?

Every negative thought disappeared at the sound of your amused laugh.

He reminds himself why he liked you so much and gathers little courage to speak out his mind.

This is it.

Oh my god, this is it.

“Y/N, I have something to tell you…” He trailed off, now facing her properly. (poor Ramen was being squeezed to death)

You became nervous. Did he notice my staring? Holy shit is he gonna tell me I’m weird?

“I think I li—”

“Y/N!”

Internally groaning at yet another interruption, Jungkook turned to whoever decided to call you out. It was a guy, definitely older than you. He turned to you, silently questioning if you knew the intruder, and was surprised to see none of your cheery aura.

You were livid.

“Daniel Y/L/N.”

a/n: tumblr decided to be a bitch and didn't save every edit i made so this took awhile. also, #danielisoverparty and oops, y'all thought Daniel was an ex lmao ig i made him sound too ex-y 🤡

taglist: @armymaknae @rjsmochii @chogiyeol-utopia @deolly @liitlefaiiery @patpus @br0ther-s @borednia @tyraparker @ancailinaerach @tae165 @cherrycolababie @nininek12 @atulipandarose @hannahdinse8 @hereforaus @amoreguk @thewariestofheads @parkmaeri @thia-aep @diorhobii @seungcheoluwu @mipetronella @callmesenpaix @jungshookmeup @yoongisabby @parkchaeyoung1997 @alpaca1612 @bangtan-serendipity @karissassirak @fullsunkook @salty-for-suga @cholychi @smolbeaniejimin @netflix-batman-sleep @snickerdoodleeee @faeriegukkie @kpop4mysoul @crazylittlemay @theneighborhoodfangirl

permanent taglist: @luvinseokjinnie @97faerie

[band-of-bitches]

oh hi :) i'd love a regular BoB ship if you really dont mind, dear! easy co memeber or modern au either way is fine by me, whatever you're more inclined to write! im called pearl, 5'1, quite pale, short black hair cut to about the length of my jaw, and green eyes. i care a lot about how i present myself and have a lot of fun dressing up even if im not really going any place important. i spend most of my time listening to old albums, reading biographies, watching documentaries and films, being an obsessive history nerd in genreal. i used to travel/explore a lot though, and i really miss it. im a very anxious person, can't ever seem to sleep, nervous about the silliest things, and slow to step out of my comfort zone. but i am actually eager to try new things once im good and ready. for the same reasons, im very cautious of opening myself up to people. but i care very much about making/keeping connections to people so i try and make a point of extending kindness and care. ♡

It took the combined powers of Floyd Talbert and Bill Guarnere to convince Shifty Powers that coming up to talk to you wouldn't kill him. It was after earning your jump wings; spirits were high, people were singing, and you were talking to Doc Roe about this film you recently saw. When Shifty, all doe-eyed and nervous, first came up to you, you were immediately anxious. Oh boy, it may have taken a while for both of you to warm up to each other finally, but when you did, you two were inseparable.  

Shifty likes to show you things, specifically how to shoot a rifle properly. In his opinion, the army doesn't do the skill justice. You were very impressed with Shifty's skill, especially given his kind, quiet demeanor. Watching his focus is a beautiful thing; he's unbothered by everything else as he stares at an unmoving bird, oblivious. The first time you kissed him was after a shot he took. He was smiling and turned to look at you, and then the next thing he knew, you were kissing him in the woods, laying on wet leaves. It was very, very bold of you, given how fast your heart had been racing. But oh boy, was it worth it.

You opened yourself up to Shifty in baby steps. It started with small things; talking about your favorite movies, or books, moving towards discussions on family, and emotional conversations about missing home. You learned he loved his home in Virginia. Eventually, you became very open around him. He was the only person you felt comfortable being completely vulnerable around. Shifty promised he'd never abuse that.

Shifty helped you sleep. Whenever you had trouble, you sneak to wherever he was asleep and slipped under his arm. He never protested and usually went with it whenever you climbed onto him and clung like a monkey. Sometimes you managed to fall asleep when you listened to his heartbeat. Other times, you just couldn't, but his presence helped with the anxiety you felt almost 24/7. You'd do the same thing for him. While most of the time it's you looking for him, on occasion, you feel the weight of someone suddenly climb on top of you and start sleeping, or at least attempting it. You loved these silent moments with him.

You were all for sending Shifty home early. When Speirs called his name, you did your best not to cry. Later, he was the one who cried, terrified of leaving you in Germany.

"I'll be fine, love. The war is practically over."

Then the car crashed, and it was your time to worry. The war ended, and you immediately made your way toward Virginia. Thankfully, Shifty was well-healed at this point, but this didn't stop you from being extremely careful as you hugged and kissed him after what felt like forever. Shifty was speechless looking at you because, holy shit, he'd never seen you look so dressed up and beautiful (don't worry, you'll always be beautiful in Shifty's eyes). You laughed as you cried, happy he was in your arms again. You spend the next couple of months by Shifty's bedside as he healed, listening to music on the old record player, lying next to him. You've never slept better.

Shifty...mi amor...It be loving Shifty Powers hours. HERE are the rules for request in case you’d like one (:

[whiskeyote]

wowza what a fucking... Month

I don't know how to accurately reflect the weight and release of everything

"yesterday" (it's 2am and I haven't slept so it was today, ok?) I was formally, on-paper, diagnosed with PTSD + cPTSD. That is not only hugely validating, it's also hugely clarifying. I don't have bipolar, BPD or ADHD, which is why none of the repetition/routine-based therapies (including meds)!! I've tried over the years have worked in the long term. Put simply, I was always trying to either mentally override or suppress my way out of feeling how much fear and pain I'm really in, all of the time. I even mistook my buried emotional pain for a lack of general ability and "lack of focus". No shit, I'm trying to prevent the atomic bomb of abandonment trauma from detonating inside of myself 24/7. I see that now.

this, of course, also means I have to pick at the denial I've built like a shell around myself to survive that feeling. I can't say my experiences as a child and young teenager "weren't that bad" or that "other people had it so much worse than me". like. cPTSD is classified as a more severe form of PTSD, but if I let myself entertain the thought that people with "simple" PTSD have it "so much better than me", that'd be wacky, invalidating and unfair to say!! I truly don't believe that at all, either, so why would I apply the principle in reverse? Trauma is trauma. It isn't a contest. (And if/when it is, you're talking to a narcissist)!

I went from unintentionally almost totally setting fire to a nearly 6 year relationship (fuuuuuck) to understanding intimately what the hell it is that makes me behave so erratically and explosively in the first place. In a MONTH. Aaaand I think this is the moment my life finally changes for the better in a sustainable sense.

I'm doing some self-guided DBT, because I acknowledge my reactive habits aren't helpful. I'm looking into meds that facilitate healthy emotional integration and regulation vs. sheer suppression and dissociation. (clonazepam, I love you for everything you helped me to survive thus far, but it's time we parted ways). I'm also looking into the crucial missing piece here: trauma-focused therapy. You can't truly heal from what you haven't properly dealt with. Turns out, I was trained exactly how not to deal with it ever, and that's the unlearning I gotta do. I was blessed to have a great psych today, who pointed me in the direction of some affordable options. Thanks, universe. I'm ready for the call.

[onegayastronaut]

NSFW Alphabet List (Dolores Abernathy)

Requested by @aesthetic-by-haya​:  Hey, how u doing? I hope you’re doing ok I’m the person who asked if you write for Dolores, and honestly thank you for that fic. I would like to request a NSFW alphabet Dolores Abernathy, and I know how long these could take so no rush, take your time. Thank you for the amazing content💗💗

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

At first, Dolores was not sure how exactly to take care of you. It felt good every time she was with you, but she didn’t know what to do afterwards so she just assumed it was your time to leave. After a particularly awkward conversation with Caleb, she decided to try and see if cuddling you made you feel better. Dolores was surprised as to how good it made her feel to have you in her arms as you fell asleep, and she resolved to make sure you felt as good as she did every time you came over

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Dolores never really thought about which of her own body parts was her favorite, her creator had made sure everything was perfect after all. But once she met you, she had come to love her boobs a lot. She loves making you feel good, but she loves the way you make her feel more whenever you’re together.

Dolores likes everything about you, and her favorite part about you is your hips. From the first time you two slept together, she couldn’t get enough of how her hands seemed to fit perfectly around them. She has left bruises on your hips before when you had first started sleeping together, but now she knows how to control her strength. Dolores still loves gripping onto them when you’re together because she loves feeling you on top of her.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically)

Dolores can hold out on herself for a long time when she is on top of you. She doesn’t need anyone to tell her that she is wound up a bit tight, but she’s not used to relaxing with just anybody. After getting to know you for a while, Dolores is very enthusiastic about making you feel good and seeing you happy. Caleb can always tell whenever Dolores has just finished having fun with you, but he’s smart enough to keep his mouth shut on that.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

There are days when Dolores is very stressed out from work and going on various assignments, and she needs some extra relief from her girl. Some days she loves carrying you over to the bedroom and taking you there, but Dolores likes teasing you in public much more. Everything from touching you under the table to making you squirm in your seat, Dolores has ways of letting you know when she wants you.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Dolores has some experience with girls, but nothing that was long term or as serious as she is with you. There are times when she is not as open to talking as you would like and just wants to have sex to figure things out on her own, but given time, Dolores started opening up to you with regards to what she’s been thinking. She knows that you’re the one for her and that she doesn’t want anyone else, but sometimes she believes that not being around will make you safer. It takes a while of reassuring to make Dolores feel that staying with you was the right decision after all.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Dolores is a top for the most part, so her favorite position is when she’s on top of you, either with her strap on or just controlling you with her mouth as she goes down on you. Both of you know that she’s strong enough to lift you on top of pretty much any surface and take you then and there. One thing that always turns She thinks it’s extremely hot whenever you get on top of her and take control.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Dolores is not really that humorous when it comes to sex, and she was very quiet during sex with you. At first you thought she wasn’t that happy whenever she was with you, but it turns out that Dolores just never knew how to properly express how happy you made her whenever the two of you spent time together. It was only after learning that people liked it when she relaxed a little that Dolores finally showed more of her personality around you. She loves hearing you laugh, even more so if you’re laughing because of her.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Being that she was made as a machine, Dolores has never had to worry about what’s going on down there. It seems to be neat, and you’re not one to complain

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 

Dolores has never felt the need to be romantic with anyone before, and she certainly did not feel the need when she first met you. But as time went on, she felt the need to protect you and make you feel safe whenever you were with her. At first, she wrote this feeling off as needing to protect her secret, but Caleb reassured her that “protectiveness” was not the only emotion she was feeling towards you. Dolores could not believe that you had found a way to worm past her defenses and made her feel all these soft things, but now it was too late to take anything back. There is nothing that will stop Dolores from making you feel like you’re the most important person in her life.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Usually Dolores has never felt the need to touch herself as she was too busy with work and figuring out what her next move is. Ever since she met you, she started feeling these needs that she had never felt towards anything else. At first, she had no idea why she was feeling these things with you, but she didn’t waste too much time thinking about it. Whenever she didn’t have you with her to immediately satisfy her wants, she closed her eyes and it almost felt like you were right there with her.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

There are no words to describe how much Dolores loves tying you up and having you at her mercy for the entire night. She didn’t know how much she loved tying you up and spanking you would turn her on until she tried it once and couldn’t get enough. The moans that come out of your mouth whenever she gets on top of you are enough to make you blush, but usually at that point you don’t care who can hear you. Dolores usually already has a large enough space rented out to make sure that nobody can accidentally walk in on you anyway.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Dolores is ready and willing to top you anywhere at any given time. You’re pretty sure you’ve had sex in pretty much every corner of her apartment at this point, and you know that Dolores is far from finished with you. Caleb now knows to make more noise than necessary whenever he’s approaching the apartment because walking in on the two of you once was more than enough. Dolores might as well be horny 24/7 for you, and you are definitely not one to complain about someone like her wanting to top you on a near daily basis.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Pretty much everything about you makes Dolores horny, and she just winks at you when you catch her staring at you. This will cause you to blush and look away, but Dolores always makes sure to make you feel special. There have been times when she has dragged you off to a corner where nobody can catch you so the two of you can have some private time with each other. You are fully aware that Dolores can barely keep her hands off of you most of the time, and you are more than willing to let her have her way with you.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Dolores can be a pretty jealous girlfriend, so sharing you with anyone else is a big no-no with her. Just the thought of someone else touching you the way she does is enough to make her rough with you for the night and leave marks all over your body. The more Dolores remembers of her experiences in the park, the more she knows what she is and is not willing to try out. Anything that might hurt you is off the table, and she is always aware that she is much stronger than you whenever you two are together.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

There is nothing Dolores likes to do more than eating you out and hearing you moan as she concentrates on making you feel good. You always swat her on the shoulder after she was finished with you because she’ll always give you a tiny smirk. She knows exactly how to make you helpless under her tongue, and it seems like there is nothing you can do once she starts with you. She will do her best to spend as much time as possible between your legs and making you moan as much as possible. After a few times of sleeping with each other, Dolores knows exactly how to make you feel good, and nothing makes her happier than to see how needy you are for her after she’s done with you.

As much as Dolores loves giving, she loves receiving from you too. The things you do with your tongue drives Dolores crazy, and you often use this as a means of getting back to your girlfriend. You know exactly how to drive Dolores to the edge before bringing her back down, and she loves you all the more for it, even though she might complain about it in the moment.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Dolores’ pace with you really depends on her mood. If she’s jealous or just misses you a lot, she will be pretty rough with you. The thing that she always tries to keep in mind is that, being a host, you are much more fragile than she is, so she has to be careful whenever she’s in the mood to be rough. Most of the time, she prefers to be much more gentle with you because she wants to take her time. This is especially true if you’ve been teasing her and she wants to take her time making you feel good.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Dolores has never been one to say no to a quickie with you. Being as she can barely keep her hands to herself, the fact that you sometimes tease her in public makes staying off of you a near impossible task. There have been many instances when Dolores has dragged you somewhere private and just had you against a wall or a door. She loves putting her hand across your mouth to muffle your moans as she touches you, and she won’t stop until she’s made it clear that there will be no more shenanigans from you until you get home.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Dolores has never bothered researching the various ways that people had sex with each other. It was one of those things that she never thought was necessary for her to know, that is until she met you. She knows that she is more than capable of getting you off without any toys, but she also wants to know if there was anything out there that would help her tease you more when she’s on top of you.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Dolores can last for as long as needed to get you off. One of the best things about not being physically human meant that she could hold off on herself until you came first. With that said, she can last for however many rounds you would like. Sex with Dolores really depends on how many rounds you can last. You always punch her lightly in the arm after she gives you one of her smirks. She knows exactly how to wear you out before the night is over.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

After the two of you first started hooking up, Dolores started going online and researching what toys were out there. She was half inclined to hack into your search history to see what kind of things you were into, but her interactions with Caleb had taught her that doing that might be an invasion. Instead, she waited until she thought you were comfortable enough to tell her what kind of things you wanted to do in the bedroom. Dolores’ first instinct is to make you feel good, and she loves using whatever toys that she knows will make you moan her name.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

If you asked Dolores, she would say that you’re the biggest tease she has ever seen. Everything you wear and do makes her want to carry you to somewhere more private. But that is certainly not the case in your perspective. Even though it is true that you love making your girlfriend wait for it when it comes to sex, Dolores is the one that will edge you over and over again until you’ve learned your lesson about teasing her. This doesn’t stop you from touching her whenever you get the chance just to show how much you miss her and then walk off pretending nothing had happened. You know exactly what is in store for you when you get home.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

When you first started sleeping together, Dolores was pretty quiet whenever you went down on her. Since you’ve been together, she has not been able to resist from letting out little moans here and there whenever you hit that special spot in her. Dolores loves it whenever you’re loud because it shows her how good she’s doing. You were initially worried about her neighbors hearing the two of you, but she reassured you that her neighbors aren’t close enough to hear you, no matter how loud you are.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Dolores is used to controlling everything in her life after leaving the park. When she gained consciousness, she swore that she would never let anyone take control of her life ever again. When Caleb first introduced you to her, she knew you were going to be someone special in her life. What she didn’t expect was for her to actually fall for you. When she started to feel things for you, it felt like everything was out of control whenever you were around. This led Dolores to back away from continuing talking to you, but she later realized she would rather be with you than have anything else in the world.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Dolores has a very nice body and she knows it. She especially loves it whenever you lie on top of her and trace patterns on her skin. You always manage to make her feel like the luckiest person in the world and she loves you for it.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Dolores has an insanely high sex drive when it comes to you. Some days it seems as if there is nothing else she can think about other than getting on top of you. You are a willing partner in crime when it comes to hooking up whenever Dolores feels a need for you. Dolores will say that you’re to blame for the two of you disappearing in the middle of events, but you know that she wants nothing more than to feel your body under hers whenever she’s jealous.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Most of the time Dolores is able to wear you out well enough for you to fall asleep right away on top of her. There have been times when you can tell that something is on her mind, and you stay up to talk to her about whatever is bothering her. Dolores finds your voice very calming, and she is able to get back to the sweet Dolores that you fell in love with when you first met her. The one thing that Dolores loves more than sex is cuddling you in her bed and listening to your tiny snores. She knows you’ll deny ever snoring, but it’s one of those things that makes her fall for you more every day.

Buy me a Kofi?

[thecrenellations]

Return of the Thief Notes, Part One: The Book of Pheris, Volume I

Notes from my first read, October 2020. (Part Two | Part Three | TaT)

Contents:  "So, so, so” watch, Costis watch, swearing, trashing the king’s attendants, being objectively wrong, boundless enthusiasm and love 

I promise I’ve had more developed thoughts since these often incoherent ones, but I’ve enjoyed having these notes to refer to - for sentimental reasons and for  entertainment, so here they are, for others who enjoy liveblogs and/or being whisked back in time to their first read of this wonderful book.

Format: Page number. My thoughts (Context?)

Dedication, Table of Contents, Exordium:

There it is – to Sounis

Exordium – vocab #1

Interregnum?!? Alyta?

Pheris!!!

Yeah I love him from the first page

MOIRA

MOCKING COMMENTS HELP! Gen lives!

A new level of unreliable narrator

Moira, messages of Gods, Pheris, messages of __

Wtf is going on in this study? A zoo?

high king vs great king vs annux?

okie dokie dude

Chapter 1

1. Susa – Costis

2. Infirmity – who gets to be hero/tell story (I started reading right after the book launch, in which mwt spent some time talking about her writing influences and decisions connect to this question - Pheris isn’t her first disabled protagonist and storyteller, of course, but it was lovely to meet him properly directly after hearing her talk about it. Book launch foreshadowing part 1...)

Melisande?

Is this why he wasn’t taught to read?

3. Always the summer

Bees!

4. Hunting cat… hm…

Ok … shrine … 😬

5. Once again we start with a disaster or having to flee

Which Eugenides precipitated

Bite!

Little monster :(

6. Falling…

:(

7. :( :( :(

His purpose? D:

8. YIKES

Chapter 2

9. Hello there! (Gen!)

Massive chair?

10. CRACKED WATER JUG (amphora motif???)

11. Triangle from seal!

Gen that’s rude to Pheris :( (“He will fit in very well with my attendants”)

Wait. This must have happened before ACoK! (nope)

12. :(

Xikander … never made an impression before

How old is Pheris? (lol)

13. Philologos come thru!

Royal closet reappears!

14. Hello weird secondhand scene!

He is Eugenides

Marina…

15. Petrus? GALEN? OH SHIT! 

Is this why Galen was called? (nope)

16. Hell yea Petrus

Miras’ golden balls oh no

All these previously unnamed sucky attendants!

17. Ula – goddess of hearth and healing

Ok … Galen … or a god? Eugenides????? (why did these options occur to me before Mr. Shows Up At Your Bedside At Night himself)

18. Finally the attendant floor plans I crave + hunting scenes!

19. EXCUSE ME he slept through Sounis + Eddis wedding!!!

Again – high king!

20. So Ion is beautiful … hmm.

Yeah … Sejanus has facets. I like it.

21. Clearly no one would know what king would do … lol

Don’t mind me just sorting the attendants on a spectrum of awfulness!!!

22. SO SO SO – ION!!!!!

How many fucking attendants are there and how many are on my hit list!

Is “the necessaries” bathrooms or like … him stealing? (just the bathrooms ... the Gen-Pheris parallels were really getting to me at this point)

:(

23. OH MY GOD THE UNIFIED CREST

Also … frogs. Frogs.

24. Big day for Gen huh

Definitely an aura of Something as he writes about Gen

25. HELLO EVERYONE

26. Sorry Kamet, Pheris does the physical descriptions better. They’re beautiful

I’m blacking out at Eddis and Sounis

27. Jesus Christ. The bear.

Cousin time!

Under the table is the new up on the roof!

Uh… twin imagery ….

Gen’s feet!

Jesus. The matching

28. Cleon … wtf? A cousin?

A trial for Sophos?

Show! Us! Sophos’s! Shoes!

29. If u throw things out the air shaft you might hit the king

Was it a chicken?

Lol nvm the guy at night is Gen. That is … very sweet

- Showing up at night

- Accent

- Complaining about Petrus

- Swearing

- One hand

I am judging Costis and Sophos for not describing the paneling in Gen’s room!

Chapter 3

30. Was it a chicken?

An earring huh, good hand huh

31. Literally screaming “NO!” at Gen. Don’t joke about dying! I am killed by Gen on annux day. This is. My boy. Yes he is perfect. Yes he will refuse to get up. I love him. I died on page 31

Philologos is still the best of them

32. Dancing bear indeed

Always the powdered gold

Ruby!!!!! <3

Aww a smile!!! <3

Pheris he likes you!

33. They both love invisibility and lost it … I cry

Erupt like the sacred mountain excuse me!

OR WORSE return to bed! Lol

34. He’s Eugenides when he’s talking to Attolia

Ouch hero talk

! from Irene!

My queen!

Hey Phresine!

They way we do <3 he’s hating it but he’s so comfortable with her

Sister and bro mention! C’mon!

I love them

EYEBROW

35. Honestly that’s a yes (“I have no idea what you mean, my queen”)

It’s so cute they hang out in the morning … like how long was it even since they’ve seen each other lol

:( tough walk for Pheris

Is it prophecy time?

Lol how long does this construction take?!

Also … she’s pregnant, huh? but no one knows (nope)

Is befriending someone weaponized as a prank count for Gen’s enemies to friends list?

Also SHOW ME the magus. I know he’s here!

36. Pheris excuse me, why not recreate this!

Lol cast off language of history indeed

Feel the thrum of the goddess!

EXCUSE ME… a minor goddess? Mystery goddess? Or Philia?

Oh Gen

37. Well, Gen, someone is having a worse day than you.

Damn, how far we come.

Aww Sounis, babe, I love you and so does Gen

[drawing of the four of them sitting in a row]

38. Artadorus???? Pomegranate?

39. HEIRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A friend! Also lol. Two smiles, for Pheris and Heiro..

40. Yesss Melheret joke in action.

Costis has left tho right?

Jesus, Melheret

SHE GAVE HIM A HORSE (I COULD NOT DEAL with this entire conversation, but then again I could not deal with this whole book.)

41. I love them all so much

“on that horse, you will look like a king” I can’t with her sense of humor

He sure did say that

I feel like I’m missing something with the fight on foot thing … remembering battles?

Helen called him Gen!

Sophos stop talking about yourself and bringing apricots into everything lol

Lol these bystanders don’t know how lucky they are. Nor does Pheris, yet

42. She’s protecting him

Also … Gen … you didn’t want to be a soldier.

43. Guards have capes

2 startled men … hm …

Oh Gen. The fucking brutal echoes…

44. :( :( :(

Gen tell your wife you’re sick!

The attendants are so dumb

45. So, so, so :(

Tell who? Petrus?

Wink!

Yes?

46. Bleeding! Salt! Lemon! Heck no! What is he, a piece of meat?

Oranges?

47. “savoring each bite as if it were my last” ... Same … but with this book

Hmm… Alyta! Goddess of the gentle rain! (despite this “hmm,” I did not put the pieces together)

48. Oh no Teleus! And someone?

Aw he realized <3 lemon water

49. Gen eat your broth lol

50. I love them.

Ion’s really trying to make up for what he did that one time

51. Without the approval of the great goddess HAHAHA

I love them. Cousin time! Growl?

Idk whether or not to be reassured, Gen.

Wow Cleon I do not like that. Also didn’t he die? (...)

Comma (“I am not, Eddis”)

Go smack him!

52. Gen I love you.

Helen I love you.

He’s so bad at self care but I love him

Chapter 4

55. love that our narrator just disappears and reappears

56. Attolia’s brother’s bedroom? Yikes. Ominous. A detail in a story we’ve already gotten, different every time <3

57. fucking attendants. 3 good ones. Medander you were beneath Costis’s notice before but I hate you. Costis didn’t have time for you or Xikos or Xikander and nor do I

58. interesting pawn talk!!!

59. <3 Pheris :(

The Gen comparisons though

:( :( :( :(

60. flamboyance <3

Cemphora bush

Bees

61. I love him

62. I love them

Also lol “Your majesty?”

63. Name … hm … (“I have deliberately omitted [my tutor’s] name here”)

64. more twin imagery I swear

WAIT … it was his birthday! Not just Annux day?!! Gen was born in late summer???

Attendant list thank you

65. laying it all out there, huh … (that one Gen quote)

Lol they’re the same but Pheris likes horses

66. Insellia! Hello nice to meet you

67. Gen that’s mean. (“He is hardly even half of one.”)

68. Coleus leves???

“I am Eugenides.” <3

Gen why

69. Gold cups???? Hmmmmm. Also lioness. Def invoking Costis. (they’re probably not the cups, but STILL)

Earth….

70. Moira! Hi!!! Rainbow shawl!

Like a rabbit!

Pester!

I’m … very sad he uses his Attolian accent with Helen

71. Aaah so good

Mortals

Moira knows another messenger?

Does he think he can’t die in battle?

72. hmm are they WRANGLING?! (Galen and Petrus and my Fire and Hemlock word association)

Kill that pastry Irene I love you

morning training with his … guard? (Is that the whole guard or a guard? Costis senses tingling once again.)

73. Oh gen.

Ouch! (“to send people to their deaths and not risk my own is contemptible”)

Is she implying he’s paying Therespides?

74. Interesting Cleon plan. So many doubles

OUCH. (“Only if he comes back from the dead.” I assumed Lader had died in the war; it’s a different ouch now. I love that they both accidentally say things to each other that poke old wounds, and it’s not a big deal but it’s also not dismissed! Their relationship has come so far, and I love them so much.)

75. Verimius – Lavia – Celia??? Somebody is queer in there!

A GUARD

This scene confuses me. Xortix? Layteres? Aris! but dice thing is less political … so maybe? (just wait....)

76. So many reasons to hate Medander

Hey Costis! You exist! KoA happened!

Gen is just … still so uncomfortable and miserable. He chose, he has people, but still.

RIP Clopius also WHAT

77. Lol Hilarion’s grand statements

78. Yorn Fordad Hello!

Luxurious mustache

The mighty Pents?

Besin Quedue – she’s coming 4 you watch out

79. RIP Baron Hippias

Chapter 5

80. Spring! Plays! Cenna!

81. Oh dear

Oh dear

At least they said he was pretty

83. ?!? :( wine

Uh oh. Stockpiling

85. What even.

AAAAAAAAAH COSTIS

86. Omg Irene. Hissing. I love her.

Also … Gen’s the viper

Also this scene was written by Pheris.

Damn.

87. oh no.

What better man

She fucking quoted Howl. I love them.

Also, bees (this scene killed me)

90. Falling?

Oh shit

Also … Juridius and Pheris, Susa and Costis (comparing demands for information)

93. oh my god (IT’S THE WINDOW SCENE)

Oh my god

Uh

94. She! Called! Him! Gen!

I love this and it scares me

Lol Chloe

Irene you learned from her though

95. D:

96. :(

97. water stuff

98. what the heck

OH NO (Quedue scene)

Hm

100. yikes

Omg

Wow.

102. yikes yikes YIKES

103. a blade has protruded from his chest (tbt to The Thief)

jesus

106. shit

Did Gen hit him?

108. lol Phresine

109. lol

I want genuinely every character’s reaction to this shit

Chapter 6

111. what the heck Gen.

112. like a god [crown doodle]

114. Perma?

116. Gen. Gen. Gen. Do not.

117. AAAA (god intervention)

122. Juridius to Dite

124. bye Iolanthe and Ileia! Tell us about Caeta and Silla.

125. did not expect so much Ion

Chapter 7

127. Fryst god of winter

She laughed!

They’re so married

128. OH SHIT (Costis ship is sighted and I remember what’s about to happen next)

Interesting timing

He rode the horse home?

131. Beauty and good, beauty and kind

134. The gods’ goodwill

Keep them safe <3

135. Is that his MOM?!! Wtf (it was!)

Pheris steal those earrings!!!

RING! SMASH BOX!

137. AMPHORA EARRINGS (and flowers)

138. I love Phresine

139. Why do I feel like all the game birds are pigeons

140. meanwhile Gen’s been hanging out with Kamet. Shit. I cannot.

WELCOME HOME BOYS!

HELL YEAH KAMET ATTEND THOSE MEETINGS!

RELIUS COME THRU

141. lethium soup! The reversal

Safe for you

142. of course he knew <3

143. Kamet time! I love him. We get to see Kamet!!!

Also … echo of Gen’s notes on Mede

145. very handsome. … gaycostis vindication (referring to @costis’s url at the time and this post. Little did I know what else was to come in the next chapter and then a few months later with the adaptation news...)

Do you know who I am?

Chapter 8

147. Of course he’s a cartographer

A favorite huh

148. of course she didn’t tell us his age!

149. the angsty window staring I crave

Music!

151. adventure, huh

I do have a soft spot for Melheret

152. concerned about amphora gift

153. Glad they can be well and united in spite!! (Gen and Melheret)

154. Pheris loves math and I love him

155. Hello Teleus. Hello olives

Lol Relius is not into math

156. pigeons. Inkpot!

157. yeah honestly. He tortures people. He was NOT tortured by the king

159. lol (“I have noted the elective nature of certain behaviors” ... I love Relius and Pheris.)

160. The Invitation! I <3 it

161. EXCUSE ME WHO

Legarus!

FOLKS HERE WE ARE (I cannot overstate how wonderful it was to read this page. I did not know who the poem was from, and “Someone loves me very much, even with all my faults” is even sweeter to reread, but it’s just ... his confidence is so different from the tentative consideration of a new philosophy of trust and love we see in KoA. And there is subtextual queerness in the books before this one, some more apparent and some more subtle (and what is obvious to one reader may be subtle or invisible to another, in these books especially), and there is the attendant love triangle a few chapters back, but HERE - here, Pheris acknowledges the real feeling and love in Legarus’s disastrous relationship and tells us directly that his lover was a man, here he seamlessly makes it clear how bi and poly Relius is, and he quietly ties these relationships and realities to his growing understanding of the world. It’s not subtext. And there’s a lot more to come, but this page really hit me, and sort of promised the “more to come” while assuring me that what had come before, more subtly, was there. I used to have heteronormative readings of both these books and myself, and when Thick as Thieves brought them crashing back into my heart after years away, I knew better about myself, and I saw that - or the possibility of that reading -  reflected in the new book, and it was such a good surprise. It meant a lot, and this page meant a lot, and that is why I’m writing a small essay to accompany this note.) 

Lol wow

162. Where are you traveling, man (this question remains)

163. Fuck you, Orutus

164. Stole an inkpot!

165. the map!!! (Kamet’s)

166. I love them!

167. The Math Master hmm

Am I an oracle (Nope! :) )

[ohblackdiamond]

little t&a (gene/paul, nc-17) (part 27 of 29)

part 1   part 2   part 3   part 4   part 5   part 6   part 7   part 8   part 9   part 10   part 11   part 12   part 13   part 14   part 15   part 16   part 17   part 18   part 19   part 20   part 21  part 22   part 23   part 24    part 25   part 26   part 27   part 28   part 29

Four weeks before KISS gets back on tour, Gene discovers that Paul’s been cursed by a groupie. For the sake of KISS’ finances, Paul’s comfort levels, and Gene’s libido, this crisis must be resolved. Sexswap fic. In this chapter: Gene and Paul draw each other, and Gene makes his confession. The sky is falling and we’re getting pretty near the end.

It felt like a shorter lunch than it really was. Paul ate all of his soup, but only half his sandwich, while Gene dove into both with as much relish as usual. In fact, he ate two sandwiches and Paul’s leftovers.

“I hope you didn’t want to do it right after we ate,” Gene said awkwardly. Paul was looking at the plates and silverware, debating cleaning things up. In the end, he just wiped off the counter and stuck all the dishes in the sink.

“Nah. Give it awhile.” He shrugged. “The only trouble is, we’ve pretty much exhausted all our entertainment options at my place.”

Gene smiled.

 “Paul, are you really telling me all you have over here is a T.V., an album collection, and some self-help books?”

“I’ve also got sketchpads. And painting supplies.”

“You still paint?”

Paul shrugged again.

“It’s not great. I don’t have time to really…”

“Let me see.”

Gene was actually a pretty fair artist. He never drew cartoons of his bandmates like Paul was prone to, in a bad mood, but he liked to sketch out comic book characters. He’d never taken any classes that Paul knew of, but he was talented. Talented enough that Paul was a little wary of showing him any of his efforts.

It occurred to him how stupid that was. He was about to fuck this guy—had spent the last four nights in bed with him, even—but somehow showing him some acrylic paintings was making him nervous. Somehow what passed for his body of work was more vulnerable than his actual body.

“Yeah, okay.”

“Cool.”

“C’mon, they’re in the guest bedroom. I’m surprised you didn’t find them earlier.” He’d had aspirations of having his own studio, or at least using one of the rooms for that express purpose, before the reality of nine or ten months on the road at a time hit him. He didn’t even paint enough while he was at home to justify that kind of expense.

Gene followed him over to the guest bedroom. Paul leaned over, dress hiking up as he yanked some cardboard and canvases out from under the bed.

“Here we go.” Instead of holding the pieces up for Gene’s inspection, he just set them out on the bed. He hung back a bit, heart thumping, not quite daring to want to watch Gene look at his work. Actually showing it to Gene felt a little like hearing his own voice on the answering machine, or the echo from a microphone, all the flaws bouncing back at him, magnified a dozen times.

The pieces didn’t have too much meaning behind them, nothing really far out or deep he was trying to convey. Bright streaks of color, some of it in splatters, but most of it in strokes, with no consistent pattern. Purples and pinks tended to dominate. There were points where he’d tried to layer on the colors, fooled around with it, only he’d half-forgotten the proper technique to do it the way he wanted. Most of the art didn’t really have a focal point, except for an odd one-off where he’d tried to paint a sunset while it was still in the air. That one was on a piece of cardboard torn off a refrigerator box. It had maybe a found art, rustic quality to it or something. And the color scheme wasn’t too bad, either, the red sun spilling over a hasty backdrop of orange and pink clouds and trees instead of his neighbors’ houses.

“I like this one a lot.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Superman couldn’t fly with that sun.” Gene picked up the piece of cardboard carefully—too carefully, a piece of paper that had been beneath it starting to flutter towards the floor. Paul snatched it before it got there.

“What’s that one?”

“Oh, it’s only a sketch,” Paul tried to dismiss, but Gene seemed curious enough for him to hold it up for Gene to see. Part of him wanted to hide it back under the bed like a child, for all that it wasn’t particularly incriminating. Just a sketch of his own face. The hair was probably the most accurate part, hopelessly unruly; he didn’t quite think he’d gotten his own nose right, or eyes, but…

“In the makeup.” Gene’s finger touched the edge of the star on his eye.

“Well, sure. It kept me from having to shade much.”

“You look depressed there.” Gene still running his finger down the sketched-out lines of his face made Paul feel stupidly warm, like he was touching him by proxy.

“I don’t look good?”

“I didn’t say that.” A pause. Paul could always recognize when Gene was about to start a critique with him. He’d hesitate, which was kind of funny, because he never did it with anyone else, just plowed through with whatever comment he had. Paul would usually get offended anyway, but he was trying not to, at least for today. “Hey, would you do me a favor?”

Not a critique at all. Paul was vaguely surprised.

“What’re you wanting?”

“Let me try my hand at it.”

“Gene, I’m not letting you go over my drawing—”

“No, no. Let me borrow one of your sketchpads.”

“You wanna draw me right now? What for?” Paul could feel himself tense up slightly as he reached over, gathering up the paintings and stuffing them back under the bed. Despite himself, he was yanking out another pad of drawing paper from there as well. “If you wanted your album photo, all you had to do was check the newspaper.”

“I don’t want your photo. Just you.”

Paul handed the sketchpad over. There was an odd sting somewhere in his heart.

“You can’t want what you’ve already got,” he said quietly. He didn’t wait for Gene to respond, clearing his throat hastily. “I make a terrible art model.”

Gene’s expression, a little unreadable earlier, quirked a little.

“I’ll let you draw me, too.”

“I feel like you’re hard to draw.” But he’d gotten another piece of cardboard to bear down on after tearing off a page of the drawing paper for himself. Then Paul was gathering the rest of the supplies—pencils and gummy erasers—from where they lay in a coffee mug on the nightstand. It wasn’t exactly the most put-together setup. He just wasn’t around enough for any extra effort to be worth it. The guest bedroom’s only real use was as another place to stash his tour and art stuff. He could count the number of times anyone had slept there on one hand. “You don’t… really have one feature that really stands out—”

Gene stuck out his tongue.

“Oh, God, I’m not drawing that. Just your face. C’mon, sit down.” Paul gestured towards the bed, scooting up on it himself, sitting cross-legged on the pillows, dress bunched up. The cardboard and piece of paper were resting on his thighs, one of the pencils in his hand. He gave Gene the mug and sketchpad, scrutinizing Gene’s face. “Let me try first, okay?”

“Go for it.”

He’d never really studied Gene’s face before. That sounded a little stupid, given everything. Gene still wasn’t exactly attractive, though he looked a lot better now than he had when they’d first met. That hadn’t been the draw. It still wasn’t the draw.

Paul didn’t ask Gene to try for any particular expression as he started in, drawing the circle, the center line, mapping out the sections of his face in the half-remembered way he’d learned back in school and trying to adjust from there, only to, as usual, abandon the mapping about two minutes in. Gene’s eyes weren’t quite as dark as his, and his nose was bigger—you can’t hide the hook, Totie had said, back on their stint on the Mike Douglas show, and Paul remembered snickering with everyone else about it backstage. She’d had his number. Gene had struck up a friendship with her after that, excited to get to know another Jewish entertainer. Paul privately hoped he hadn’t banged her in the process.

He was distracting himself. It was hard to do the expression lines around Gene’s mouth without making him look forty-eight instead of nearly twenty-eight, so Paul abandoned all but a light insinuation before skipping over to his hair. He thought he could get that right, at least. Gene’s hair was somewhat coarse, and tended to frizz even worse than Paul’s own did, and it wasn’t as thick. All of the teasing and backcombing and tight ponytails had done a number on it. Paul pursed his lips, trying to approximate the texture with his pencil, and the sheen with his eraser.

“How’s it coming?” Gene asked, after about fifteen minutes. He’d been pretty patient, not shifting around much, even stopping himself the few times he tried to scratch his face.

“I think I did a damn good job on your eyebrows.” Paul turned the sketch around with a slight groan. “Everything else is a little…”

“You made me look really sad.”

Gene wasn’t wrong. Paul hadn’t quite figured out what to do with Gene’s lips when he’d drawn them, so he’d had them sink down a bit. The eyebrows really were pretty good, to his own estimation, and the hair was okay, and he’d at least started with the proper face shape, but—he hadn’t really caught Gene properly. Whatever his essence was, it hadn’t transferred onto the page.

“Frowns are easier to draw. Smiles, you have to get just right, and get the light in the eyes…” Paul shook his head. “Not a lot of room for error, right? And if you mess up, your drawing ends up looking like Norman Bates.”

Gene laughed, shaking his head.

“But you’ve got me looking like myself. It isn’t just the eyebrows. The chin and the mouth are right--”

“But it’s not great, either. I’ll try again later on.” Paul set the drawing down. “You can do me if you want.”

“Interesting choice of words.”

“Oh, shut up.” Paul shifted, suddenly antsy. He’d only ever seen Gene draw his own fanzines and doodle on napkins. He knew Gene wasn’t going to take this as a serious art study, but… but on the same token, letting Gene draw him felt--revealing. Almost too revealing. He wasn’t as bothered by the face Gene was going to draw as what it signified. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know what Gene saw when he looked at him. What stood out to him.

If he drew a pair of tits, Paul grimly promised himself he’d keep denying Gene at least until tomorrow.

“Tilt your chin up a bit,” Gene said, and Paul did so. His fingers worried unconsciously at the straps of his dress. Paul waited for more instructions, but they didn’t come. Just the scritch of the pencil against the sketch paper, and the occasional fuzzy sound of the eraser rubbing back and forth on the page. Gene kept such direct eye contact on his face that Paul was getting a bit intimidated.

“You took art in school, right?”

“Only a couple of terms. I liked it, but I wanted to get in all the electives I could.”

“Even weight training?” Paul scooted to the side.

“Your art school had weight training?”

“God, yeah. We even had a football team.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I never said we won anything.” Paul paused. “Do you want me to pose?”

“No. You’re fine like you are.”

“Should I smile?”

Gene looked like he was considering it for a second, and then he shook his head.

“Just relax.”

Paul tried to, but he kept fidgeting. Not getting any direction was making him nervous. He wasn’t gutsy enough to try to look alluring without the makeup as a shield. Gene had stopped talking as he’d gotten more into the drawing, only responding to Paul’s attempts at conversation with a few “yeahs” and “uh-huh”s. He was taking longer than Paul had, too. But he seemed pleased with himself far before he signed the bottom and held it out for Paul to see.

“Here you go.”

Paul was a little stunned.

He was nearly right there on the page. Big dark eyes greeted him. Full lips, slightly parted, revealing a little of his front teeth. High cheekbones. Gene’s portrait of him was more thorough and detailed than Paul’s attempt, stopping at the shoulders, where the dress straps drooped. More attractive than Paul knew he actually was; Gene had, oddly, been kinder about Paul’s nose and jaw than was accurate, but all the same-- he’d captured something of Paul on the page. Some facet. Tenseness or intensity or both. The sketch was clearly of a chick, sure, but-- it was him.

“Gene, this… shit, this is really good.” Part of what impressed him was the self-assured pressure and definition of most of the lines. Paul’s own tended to fade out, like he was mentally erasing them after committing them to the page, but Gene went into it with a much heavier hand overall. The contrast was interesting. “And I thought all you could draw was Batman. You’ve been holding out on me for years.”

Gene shrugged.

“I had someone cute in front of me. That makes all the difference.” He paused, moving to sit beside him, pointing at the sketch. “You’ve got pretty eyes.”

“Since just lately?”

“No. Since always.” Gene seemed to hesitate. “Paul, in a way, you don’t really look all that dif--”

“Peter told me they made me look like a beagle,” Paul stumbled out before Gene could finish. He wasn’t sure why he interrupted that way. Gene snorted, reaching over and draping an arm behind Paul’s shoulders. Paul let him.

“Maybe more like a moppet. You remember those posters.”

“Yeah. Julia had them in her room when we were kids.” But he wasn’t displeased at the comparison, somehow, reaching to put the sketches and supplies on the crowded nightstand, before leaning back against Gene’s arm and shoulder. He could feel Gene start to tense, so Paul turned his head, impulsively, pressing a kiss against his cheek. “One of them was a harlequin or something, I don’t remember.”

“Paul.”

“What?”

“You didn’t let me finish. You don’t look all that different.”

“Come off it.” Paul could feel something cold and odd trickle up his spine, something he was almost afraid of. “I’ve had tits for a week and a half, don’t try to kid me.”

“I’ve been kidding myself.”

“Gene, what’re you talking about--”

“You’re the same as you always were. You’re beautiful.”

Paul sat there stunned. The icy feeling up his spine seemed to melt and dissolve in an instant. He didn’t want it to. He wanted to hold onto it. Use it as something to protect him, something to chase away any hurt, any vulnerability. His face was going florid, and all of a sudden, he couldn’t look directly at Gene, staring instead at the hem of his dress.

“I don’t want to make a promise I can’t keep. But I think… I think there might still be something there after we break the curse.” Gene’s hand found one of the shoulder straps on his dress, fixing it back up, though his gaze was still firm on Paul’s face. Completely unwavering. Paul’s heartbeat felt like it could smash straight through diamonds. “I know that’s not enough for--”

“It’s enough.”

“Paul, look--”

“It’s enough.” Paul was surprised at the slow strength starting to rise from his voice with every word, like a newborn foal wobbling to its feet. “Even before all this happened. Any time I’ve ever gotten to have with you is enough.”

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s true.” He was able to look at Gene now, right in the face. The warmth he’d tried to avoid was blazing inside him. It felt funny, somehow, to feel so sure, so certain, in the face of a maybe, that things would still be all right, one way or another. It felt like the bulk of the burden, the fear, was really, truly beginning to dissolve. “Gene, I…”

He couldn’t say it. Gene was waiting on it, face so near his own he could feel his breath. He kissed him instead, reaching his arms around him half-blindly, clenching tight. Paul was panting as soon as Gene broke the kiss, pressing another and another against his cheek and chin and throat, climbing into his lap as though he belonged there, and maybe, for just a little while, he did.

Gene was so warm, so unbelievably warm. Paul could swear he could feel Gene’s own pounding heartbeat against his. His breaths were coming only a little bit better than Paul’s were, his dark eyes dilated. Gene’s mouth was back on his before Paul could think clearly, needy and wanting, and it was all Paul could do to pull back and manage one last request.

“Hey. Before we-- do you think you could take me back to o-- my bedroom?”

Gene had him gathered up in his arms in seconds. Paul held tight, pressing his face against Gene’s shirt for all of the minute it took to cross from one room to the next, taking in his scent as he finally dared to hope.

[wordsintimeandspace]

Better With You (4/6)

Due to a petty feud between their respective department heads, Crowley and Aziraphale have been hiding their friendship for months. When they’re suddenly stuck in lockdown amidst a pandemic, Crowley is not coping well. Thankfully, Aziraphale is there for him - but their changing relationship means that keeping secrets from their bosses only becomes more of a challenge.

Crowley/Aziraphale, rated M (for chapter 4). Read on tumblr or AO3.

When Crowley woke, he felt more rested than he had in a very long time. The bed was warm and comfortable as he snuggled deeper into the blanket. He took a deep breath, and the faint trace of a foreign washing powder on the sheets finally reminded him why exactly he woke feeling rested and comfortable instead of feeling like shit.

He was in Aziraphale’s flat. Not only that, he was in Aziraphale’s bed, and he could feel a warm body pressed right against his shoulder. The sudden closeness after the weeks of isolation made Crowley’s head spin.

At some point last night they had managed to pull apart from their lazy kissing, much too Crowley’s disdain, but Aziraphale had insisted that they should eat some dinner. Afterwards Aziraphale had kissed him again, just like he’d promised he would, and they had stumbled into Aziraphale’s bedroom. For the first time in weeks sleep had claimed Crowley almost instantly, washing over him like a wave as soon as his head had hit the pillow.

Last night, he had been way too exhausted to think about anything else but sleeping, but now Crowley couldn’t help but remember Aziraphale’s kisses, both the soft, gentle ones and the ones that went deeper, more passionate. He remembered Aziraphale’s slowly exploring hands as well, the way his fingers had scraped over his scalp and his palms had pressed against his back where his shirt had ridden up. He wanted to get Aziraphale’s hands back onto his body. Heat coiled low in Crowley’s belly at the thought, and he sucked in a sharp breath.

Crowley wasn’t quite used to this feeling - as much as he enjoyed sex on occasion, he could count the number of people to whom he’d felt this exact kind of attraction to on one hand. If it did occur, especially so early in a new relationship, it was usually overwhelming enough that he didn’t quite know what to do with it.

So instead of rolling over and pressing his hips against Aziraphale’s warm body, chasing for friction, Crowley stayed where he was and simply opened his eyes.

Aziraphale was sitting in bed next to him, thigh pressed against Crowley’s shoulder, a book in his hands and his ridiculous glasses perched on the tip of his nose. He looked over at Crowley immediately, lips curling into a soft smile.

“Good morning, my dear,” he said.

"Morning. How long was I asleep?" Crowley asked with a gravelly voice, blinking against the too bright light streaming through the windows.

"It's half past ten, if that answers your question."

"Ugh.” He ran a hand over his face. “Haven't slept that long in a while."

"Looks like you needed it."

"Mhm." The urge to touch Aziraphale properly finally became overbearing, and Crowley rolled over, slinging an arm over Aziraphale's lap and resting his forehead against his thigh. That he could actually touch Aziraphale now whenever he felt the urge was nothing short of astonishing. He heard paper rustling as Aziraphale set his book aside, and a moment later there was a hand in his hair, scratching gently along his scalp and down to the nape of his neck. A shiver ran down Crowley’s spine and he let out a content hum.

“Did you sleep well?” Aziraphale asked, so gentle and quiet that it nearly lulled Crowley back to sleep.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, closing his eyes as Aziraphale continued to pet his hair. “And you?”

“Wonderfully. It was a pleasure to hold you, darling.”

Crowley let out a strangled sound from the back of his throat, tightening his grip around Aziraphale’s hips. Aziraphale was going to kill him eventually, if he continued to say things like that. Aziraphale chuckled above him, a happy little sound that made Crowley’s heart soar.

"This feels weird," Crowley finally said, as soon as he trusted his own voice again.

"What does, darling?"

"Being happy. When the world outside is still going to shit."

Aziraphale was quiet for a moment. "I know. But there's nothing else we can do."

"Guess not."

"The best we can do is to keep us and others safe by just staying put."

Crowley cracked an eye open, smirking up at Aziraphale. "Staying put, eh? Is that your way of saying that you want to keep me in bed all day, angel?"

Aziraphale laughed again, tightening his grip in Crowley’s hair for just a moment. It was enough to send a shiver down Crowley’s spine. “As tempting as that is, I think breakfast is in order first. I have been watching you sleep for a few hours now and I’m getting a bit peckish.”

“You could have gotten up, you know.”

“And leave you all alone? Absolutely not.”

Reluctantly, Crowley pulled away from Aziraphale. He rolled on his back, looking up to him. Heat rushed to his cheeks. “Look, what happened yesterday doesn’t mean I need supervision 24/7 now,” he said, squirming under Aziraphale’s attentive gaze. “I’m alright, really. No need to coddle me.”

Aziraphale only smiled down at him. "I'm not coddling,” he said softly. “But you've seen my books - I simply like to be careful with things that are precious to me."

Crowley let out a groan and buried his face in his hands. Yep, this was definitely going to kill him. "Fuck, you're a sap. I should have known you're a sap."

“Yes, darling,” Aziraphale said with a chuckle. “I’m afraid you’ll have to get used to that. Come on, breakfast now.”

Crowley didn’t protest as Aziraphale pried his hands away from his face and pulled him out of bed. As soon as they were upright Aziraphale’s arms were around him, soft belly pressed against Crowley’s lanky frame. Their lips slotted together like it was the most natural thing in the world. They got lost in the kiss for a while, quietly exploring each other’s mouths as they held each other close.

Crowley grinned as they eventually pulled apart. “I’m not the breakfast you had in mind, am I?” he asked.

“No, you’re a menace,” Aziraphale huffed, but he was smiling, so Crowley only snickered as Aziraphale finally ushered him out of the bedroom.

It was terribly domestic, standing in Aziraphale’s kitchen in their pyjamas with sleep rumpled hair, dancing around each other and stealing kisses as Crowley made tea and toast and Aziraphale scrambled eggs in the pan. As soon as they sat down at the table with their plates Crowley realized that he was actually hungry and scarfed down his breakfast in a matter of minutes, while Aziraphale took each bite carefully, savouring the taste, letting out pleased little hums. Crowley smiled to himself, happy to sip his tea and watch Aziraphale eat. It was good that some things didn’t change between them.

“What do you want to do today, my dear?” Aziraphale asked when he was finally done and pushed the plates aside.

“Dunno.” Crowley stretched his arms above his head, wrinkling his nose. “I think I need a shower first.”

Aziraphale regarded him with a careful look and was quiet long enough that Crowley started to squirm in his seat. “You know,” Aziraphale started slowly, reaching for Crowley’s hand that rested between them on the table. “I have a perfectly comfortable bathtub as well.”

Crowley raised an eyebrow at him. “Oh?”

Gently, Aziraphale lifted Crowley’s hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. Crowley shivered at the soft caress. “Yes. Would you allow me to run you a bath? Take care of you?”

Crowley’s heart skipped a beat. The notion of Aziraphale wanting to take care of him after Crowley had always been left to fend for himself for as long as he could remember was both exhilarating and completely overwhelming. He suddenly felt achingly vulnerable, sitting there while Aziraphale’s piercing blue eyes never left his face. Aziraphale had always read him like a book, so there was no way Crowley could hide how much he yearned for exactly that. Crowley realized with a start what sort of power Aziraphale held over him. The thought should have been terrifying, maybe, but it only made Crowley’s head swim in the best possible way. Aziraphale could easily use all these things against him, but instead he showed him nothing but love and kindness, offering what Crowley wanted and needed without him even having to ask for it. Crowley let out a shuddering breath.

“Yes, please,” he finally managed to croak out, and was rewarded with a blinding smile on Aziraphale’s lips.

“Wonderful.”

“But I want you to join me,” Crowley blurted out before he could stop himself.

Aziraphale went still. He slowly lowered Crowley’s hand onto the table and Crowley’s stomach dropped. “Crowley, I think we should talk about a few things,” he said with a frown.

“I’m sorry, I-” Crowley stammered, but Aziraphale just went on.

“I did say that you should take all the time you need for this conversation, but I think I need to understand what being demisexual means for you specifically. Just so I know what you’re comfortable with. I don’t want to overstep any boundaries on accident.”

Heat rushed into Crowley’s cheeks. “I- I did not mean it like that, when I asked you to join me,” he spluttered. “I just want to be close to you. Touch you. And I don’t mind being naked around people I trust, or I wouldn’t have asked.”

Aziraphale’s eyes were shining. “I cherish your trust in me,” Aziraphale said softly.

Crowley tore his gaze away from Aziraphale’s face, blushing even deeper. “I’m- yeah. Course I trust you. And, um, I’m generally comfortable with the stuff we’ve been doing. Cuddling. Kissing. Kissing is great. And, um, sexual attraction or not, I still like sex. Just for the record. With, err, the right person. I just need to go slow, sometimes.”

“And do you think I could be the right person?” Aziraphale asked, his voice calm and even. He was really just asking, Crowley realized with a start. There was no expectation, no hidden hope - all the things that could easily make Crowley too uncomfortable to try these things. He let out a long breath and got to his feet, leaning down to Aziraphale to cup his round cheeks in his hands.

“Aziraphale,” he breathed out. “You’re the most right person that has ever existed on this planet.”

Aziraphale’s lips twitched. “And you say I’m the sap.”

Crowley groaned. “You are. And you’re already rubbing off on me. You’re a terrible influence, angel.”

“Nonsense. No matter how much you like to pretend otherwise, you’re already sweet all on your own, aren’t you?” Aziraphale asked, his eyes sparkling.

Crowley pulled him closer, burying his nose in Aziraphale’s soft white curls to escape his gaze. “Hnk, yeah, well,” he mumbled. “Maybe. Don’t tell anyone.”

“I would never,” Aziraphale reassured him, wrapping his arms around Crowley’s waist.

“Come on then. Bath now. You don’t want to make empty promises, do you?”

“Of course not. Come along, my dear.”

Aziraphale led him into the bathroom, where Crowley leaned against the sink as he watched Aziraphale fuss first over the temperature of the water and then over his impressive collection of bath supplements. Soon steam was rising in the air, along with the soothing smell of lavender, and Aziraphale stepped away from the tub while he let the water in. He stopped right in front of Crowley, grabbing the hem of Crowley’s shirt.

“Can I take this off?” he asked. As soon as Crowley nodded his consent, Aziraphale pulled the shirt over his head. Crowley shivered as Aziraphale ran his hands down Crowley’s side, and held his breath as they came to a stop on his hips. Aziraphale gave him some time, his thumbs drawing small circles onto Crowley’s skin until finally Crowley relaxed and let out a breath.

Aziraphale smiled. “This as well?” he asked, curling his fingers into the soft fabric of Crowley’s pyjama bottoms.

“Yeah,” Crowley croaked, heart skipping a beat as Aziraphale slid both his pyjamas and his boxers down his hips. Crowley stepped out of them, squirming a little after he was suddenly naked while Aziraphale still had to lose one of his too many layers.

“Beautiful,” Aziraphale breathed out, running his fingers up Crowley’s sides and over his shoulders, pulling him down enough to press a kiss to his lips. “Get into the bath, dear, before you get cold.”

Crowley complied and stepped into the tub, letting out a groan of pleasure as he submerged into the hot water and the pile of bubbles. It was the perfect temperature, and he stretched out in the comfortably large tub, closing his eyes for a second.

“Comfortable?” Aziraphale asked.

Crowley opened his eyes again. Aziraphale was still fully dressed, and that just wouldn’t do. “Almost. Strip and get in here, angel.”

Aziraphale blushed at the command, but obediently started on the buttons of his pyjamas. Crowley watched with bated breath as he popped open one button after another, revealing a soft white undershirt.

“Do you have to stare?” Aziraphale huffed as he slid the shirt off his shoulders and nervously fingered the hem of his undershirt.

“Yes,” Crowley grinned. “Come on, Aziraphale, you can’t possibly be shy now after you just stripped me naked.”

“Fine.” Aziraphale hesitated just a second longer before pulling the shirt over his head. He searched Crowley’s gaze as soon as he sat it down onto the neat pile of clothes, a hint of vulnerability shining in his eyes.

“Angel, you’re gorgeous,” Crowley reassured him, letting his eyes wander over Aziraphale’s naked torso. And he was, every inch of his skin. His thick arms, his sturdy shoulders, and his soft, round belly with faint stretch marks at his sides that were just begging to be kissed. Crowley filed the thought away for another time.

Aziraphale blushed under Crowley’s gaze. “You really think so?”

“Yes,” Crowley breathed out. “Absolutely breathtaking. Honestly, I might swoon at the sight so you better get in here to make sure I don’t drown.”

“Such a romantic, you are,” Aziraphale said with a roll of his eyes, but he finally complied. He pushed his pyjama bottoms off his hips, folding them neatly before stepping towards the tub. Crowley scooted forward so that Aziraphale could slip into the bath behind him. As soon as he was settled Aziraphale reached out to him, urging Crowley to lie back.

Crowley relaxed against him, breath stuttering as he took in all the sensations.

Hugging and cuddling and kissing, everything they’d been doing since the previous day, had already been great. It had been enough to calm the buzzing under Crowley’s skin that constantly longed for touch. But this was even better. It was glorious: Aziraphale’s naked chest against his back, his thighs bracketing him on either side of his hips, one strong arm wrapped around his belly to keep him snug against Aziraphale while the other hand gently stroked his chest.

“How is this?” Aziraphale asked, his voice low and rumbling in Crowley’s ear. “Comfortable?”

“Yesss,” Crowley hissed, closing his eyes in bliss as Aziraphale’s breath ghosted over his neck.

“Good. I’m glad.”

For a while, they just quietly enjoyed each other’s closeness. Crowley blinked wearily as Aziraphale shifted behind him at some point, and then needed a moment to realize that Aziraphale was holding a washcloth over his chest.

“Allow me?” Aziraphale asked, and Crowley gulped, his heart swelling with affection. He could only nod.

Oh so gently, Aziraphale ran the washcloth over Crowley’s skin. He started with his hands, carefully caressing every finger before moving over his palm and his wrist and finally up his arms. Aziraphale moved to Crowley’s neck, slowly dragging the soft fabric of the washcloth over the sensitive skin there, and Crowley bit his lip to stifle a moan. Aziraphale was still so close, his lips pressed to the side of Crowley’s head just over his ear, that he had no doubt Aziraphale heard it anyway. Aziraphale didn’t seem bothered and only moved on to Crowley’s shoulders at the exact same slow and torturous pace. Crowley’s head was spinning by the time he finally moved down Crowley’s chest. He tried not to squirm in Aziraphale’s grip as he moved the washcloth over his nipples, afraid it would make Aziraphale stop, but he couldn’t suppress the quivering sigh as Aziraphale’s touches wandered down his stomach.

It wasn't necessarily sexual, Crowley mused, the gentle touches intended to provide comfort instead of making him all hot and bothered, but his body didn't seem to get the message. He was throbbing by the time Aziraphale moved the washcloth over Crowley’s hips, carefully avoiding where Crowley wanted him most. A whine escaped Crowley’s lips before he could stop it.

“Darling,” Aziraphale whispered in his ear, tightening his grip around Crowley’s waist. “Do you want me to touch you?”

Despite everything, Crowley couldn’t resist a bit of a quip. “You are touching me,” he gasped. “And it’s great, don’t you dare stop.”

Aziraphale laughed, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. “You know what I mean. Do you want me to touch your cock, darling.”

A strangled sound escaped Crowley’s throat as Aziraphale’s words sent a rush of heat through him.

“Or would you rather do it yourself?” Aziraphale continued, his voice low. “Do you want some privacy, or would you let me watch how you bring yourself pleasure?”

Crowley gasped, head swimming with arousal. “No, please. Please touch me,” he begged.

“Will you tell me if you change your mind? Whenever something doesn’t feel good?”

“Yes, yes, yes. Angel, please.” Crowley knew he was whining by now, but he felt like he might combust if he didn’t get Aziraphale’s hand on him right this second. Thankfully, Aziraphale finally took pity on him. A groan escaped Crowley’s lips as Aziraphale wrapped his hand around him.

“You’re beautiful like this,” Aziraphale murmured as he stroked Crowley, slowly and oh so gently. Crowley only barely resisted the urge to buck his hips, trying to get more friction. Aziraphale continued exactly like he had explored the rest of Crowley’s body before: carefully and thoroughly, not changing his unhurried pace until Crowley was panting and squirming in his arms. Only then did he speed up his movements, gripping him tighter, all while murmuring quiet words of praise into Crowley’s ear. Strung up as he was, it didn’t take much more to take Crowley right to the edge.

“Let go, my darling. I’ve got you,” Aziraphale whispered right before he latched his lips onto Crowley’s neck and sucked. Crowley tumbled over the edge as pleasure surged through him, white-hot and blinding. He gasped and shuddered through his release, only vaguely aware of Aziraphale pressing soft kisses to his neck and gently stroking his stomach.

Eventually, Crowley went slack in Aziraphale’s arms as he caught his breath. “Christ, angel,” he finally managed to get out.

Aziraphale chuckled. “Good?” he asked, sounding just a little bit smug.

“Yes. Obviously.” With the last bit of his strength, Crowley turned in Aziraphale’s arms to catch his lips with his. They kissed for a long while, slowly and without hurry, until Crowley couldn’t ignore any longer that Aziraphale was still hard against his hip.

He pulled away from the kiss and reached out for him, but Aziraphale caught his hand and brought it to his lips instead. Gently, he pressed a kiss to Crowley’s knuckles.

“It’s alright,” Aziraphale said quietly, a soft smile on his lips. “That’s for another time, if you want. Rest now, my darling.”

Crowley half-heartedly grumbled a protest, but he was tired, all of a sudden, worn out by the last weeks and the sudden onslaught of emotions since the last day. He collapsed back against Aziraphale’s chest and closed his eyes again, nuzzling into the crook of Aziraphale’s neck. With Aziraphale’s lips pressed to the crown of his head, he let himself be held until the water grew cold.

[joshslater]

Grimsby pt. 4

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Fucking kill me already. If it’s 1 hour walk and I need to be at the fish market at 7, why the fuck did I set the alarm for 5? I had no memory of going to bed, but apparently I had managed to do that. How much did I drink? Was I still drunk? Fuck! Was I still high? I don’t know how long that shit lasts. Did I even get high at all? I must have slept on the side, because the right ear piercing hurt.

I decided to get up and take a shower after all. Some hydration and 3-in-1 adidas bullshit would probably do me good. At least my reflection wasn’t a surprise anymore, though I winced a little. I gambled that the tape holding the plastic wrap over my tattoo could withstand a quick shower. If not, the 24 hours would have to be shortened a bit. Showers have the magic ability to awaken the sleepy, chill the sweaty, thaw the frozen, heal the sick and refresh the hangover. This shower needed a refill of magic, because I wasn’t feeling it. At least I smelled better, and the bandage remained in place.

I couldn’t use the same clothes for a third day, I realized. If for no other reason because they reeked of weed. I dug through the heaps of clothes in my bedroom. There was no way of telling what was and wasn’t washed. Correction, some were clearly not washed, but there was no way of telling if something was clean. I managed to pull out two socks that matched, underwear that looked clean, and a T-shirt and an adidas tracksuit that weren’t wrinkled. I doubt whatever adidas use even can get wrinkles.

I grabbed my phone. Fuck! How could I suddenly be short of time? I grabbed the cigarette pack and the lighter from the Nike joggers and threw myself downstairs and out the door. It’s way more than one hour walk to the fish market, and I have just about an hour to get there, so somewhere along the way I would have to jog. Fuck. Before that though, I really craved a smoke.

I ended up doing low intensity interval training, with shorter and shorter sections of jogging mixed with longer and longer sections of walking. I wasn’t sweaty when I arrived, late, but definitively flush. I tried to look like I had problem finding Jamie.

“There you are!” “Glad you bothered to make it, Chayse. Talk with Peter over there, in the orange wader. He’ll tell you what needs moving.”

Peter must have been really imposing when he was younger, and still in his late 50′s he was tall, loud and a tangle of beard and hair. Talking to him wasn’t the easiest though. After having spent a lifetime with the fishermen, even if his accent wasn’t incomprehensible, he used a shorthand for everything that made it hard to understand what he wanted. But as I soon found out, it almost always came down one of filling boxes with ice, moving boxes, or squeegee the floor. By 10 it properly hurt, by 12 I was considering to just walk away. Doing this job was however one of the few explicit things Butcher Jones had told me to do, through Declan, and somehow I managed all the way to 2, when Jamie handed over my £60.

Peter had told me the chippie at the end of the market sold some of the odder looking pieces for £5 to workers. It was past lunch, so I managed to bargain for a £3 with old chips and take away. As I sat down in the clean but worn break room and started to eat, I had mixed feelings about the meal. On one hand I had worked harder than any time before in my life, and was starving. On the other I was eating 5% of my net worth, so I should pace myself and savor it. But the chips were stale, so faster was better. Sitting down and having a break with a full belly for the first time in days was however calming. A bit of a break in craziness of the past few days. It had been jarring, sure, but if things started to move along now at a more normal pace, it wouldn’t be that bad. Wake up, move boxes, have some chippie, do chores, sleep early. That should be my goal routine. Then three months from now I could hit up some old friends in London to crash at their place for a bit, grow out the hair, remove the studs, and this would all be an odd adventure with a memorial tattoo. But first things first. My plan was to sort out some essentials. Do a laundry run first thing back home, then move out some of the most obvious trash, old take away boxes and the like.

When I tried to stand up I was again reminded that I wasn’t used to this kind of work. My back muscles where sore after all the standing, walking and lifting, and I had to really push through the soreness to stand upright. I’ve heard walking is good for your back. I hope that is the case, because spending another £2 to get home wasn’t going to happen. I went slow, 2 hours perhaps, but I didn’t feel any worse by the time I got through the door. Not really any better either. Still exhausted I collapsed on the couch again. No sight of Declan. There wouldn’t be any laundry runs, nor any other run today, that’s for sure.

Not even five minutes went by when the front door opened. I was just about to ask Declan where he’s been when Jace walked in, looking exactly the same as the evening before. I vaguely recalled something about playing Xbox.

“Alright bruv?” “Oi Jace. I’m fucking knackered.” “Should be fucking easy to beat you then, mate.”

He confidently walked into the kitchen and grabbed us each a Stella, and after giving me mine proceeded to get the Xbox and FIFA up and running. While he still behaved as a cocky cunt, I did enjoy sitting down and watch someone else work for a change. I knew he was there for selfish reasons, but oddly it felt like being taken care of. I had never played FIFA even once, so I claimed to have forgotten all about it. He didn’t show any sign of disappointment, and just threw himself down next to me in the couch and began teaching me the basics. He then completely crushed me in our first game.

“That was alright, bruv” “Thanks.” “Let’s play for real now.”

While the game was starting he pulled out a blunt from somewhere and lit it. Looking for any advantage, I didn’t wait and started playing immediately. He didn’t seem to mind, and effectively retook the initiative as soon as he returned to holding the controller. He then held out the blunt in front of me and asked “Want some?” I didn’t want to let go of the controllers, so instead I had to lean forward to inhale from it. Despite the distraction, and the weed, I managed to score some points, but I was clearly outmatched. I didn’t mind though. Just sitting down, not working and not thinking was a luxury.

“You smoke weed every day, mate?” “Yeah. Me and Daz deal around here.” “So you’re his muscle?” “Wanna fight, bruv?”

I was too tired and too high to realize what I had done until seconds later. Jace had told me he was a criminal, dealing drugs. I then implied he wasn’t the brains of the operations. But the way he said the last thing, challenging me to a fight, didn’t sound as much of a threat as it ought to. Like he was happy about it.

“Sorry mate, I meant no disrespect.” “No, no bruv. I do boxing twice a week. You should come.” “Thanks, but I’m not really that into sports.” “You should come. Next time is tomorrow.”

There was a bit more force behind the last bit. I remembered Declan’s instructions on doing whatever Daz and Jace suggested. Perhaps that was still valid.

“OK. I’ll join.” “Sweet. I’ll beat you in FIFA one more time.”

[instxbility]

If you wanted to see me you would it’s not that hard, the excuses are bullshit and if you really want something then nothing should stand in the way of that, I feel like I would literally do anything right now to have you with me but you’re not in the same position and it feels like you don’t care. I’ve really given up at this point and feel like I’m literally at breaking point. Either make some sort of compromise to spend some time with me or simply fuck off out of my life and let me stop stressing. I haven’t slept properly in months, my hairs falling out, my whole body aches from being tense and stressing 24/7 I feel like shit. I really don’t know at this point whether I’m being dramatic or this isn’t even worth fighting anymore and I just need to understand what’s going on. Am I being unreasonable or are you being a dick? Would I be happier on my own? Or do I really just need to have some guts and finally end it. I really just don’t know anymore.