#i feel like my tumblr has a very different vibe from my twitter

[shinozaki-ayumi]

i'm getting a bit jaded about copa and think i need to take a step back from it but my entire online persona is built around it. oops

[nothorses]

You've made a lot of really great posts about transmasc experiences and struggles, and they really resonate with me! So I guess I want to in complete earnest ask: why the push for 'transandrophobia' when anti-transmasculinity as a term has been around for longer and faces little friction by comparison? I don't really *dislike* transandrophobia, but its meaning gets muddied everywhere from different directions, while ATM is pretty direct and succinct I feel. It's very clear that it's about TRANSmasculine oppression. I'm not against having a dedicated term at all, but the content of our struggles gets lost in the weeds of attaching kind of understandably divisive terms like misandry and androphobia in an attempt to mirror a phenomenon very specifically about misogyny; it seems more trouble than it's worth considering ATM is right there

I'll be honest, this ask is confusing to me for a few reasons.

When I started talking about transandrophobia around the summer of 2020, the conversations I was encountering were very much, like, a handful of people across Twitter and Tumblr (literally, a handfull!). I picked up "transandrophobia" because it was one of two words I saw in use, and the other- "transmisandry"- felt much less clear and much more contentious. It seemed super obvious to me that people would draw a line from "men's rights activists" trying to push this idea that "misandry", as a systemic oppression of men by women, to "transmisandry", and assume some ill intent where there was none. It's confusing!

"Transandrophobia" was the better of two options being floated at the time, at least in any conversation I saw. "Anti-transmasculinity" was not really a term I'd been made aware of, if anyone at all was talking about it at the time.

I have seen people pick up "anti-transmasculinity" more recently (maybe in the last year?), and this is definitely the first I've seen someone shorten it to "ATM". The people I've seen use that term have been mostly people who seem really new to the conversation, and the vibe I've gotten has been very, like, "we're the Good Transmascs, our word isn't dirty and gross like those other Bad Transmascs everyone hates. you'll listen to us now that our word is Good and Pure, right?"

Which is like... kind of frustrating, and kind of sad, honestly. I think these people honestly believe that if they just choose the right word, all the people who've been dragging me and every other transmasc talking about these issues through the mud for the last 4 years or so will really just stop & listen. If they can just say it right, these people- who have been relentlessly harassing and spreading lies about every single transmasc who came before them for years now- will care what they have to say, and will be willing to engage with them in earnest, compassionate dialogue.

If you just find the right word, all of these people will care about your hurt, your pain, and the suffering of your community.

It kind of breaks my heart. It's an incredibly hopeful, kind, loving way to view the world. It's compassion and patience and forgiveness that these folks are not being given, but that they so badly want to offer to others.

And at the same time, it sucks to be the Bad Transmasc. It sucks to have fought so hard for so long, and for the people I've been fighting for all this time to turn around and say, "you're gross, and dirty, and evil, and everything you've done is a mistake." It sucks to see the people I've been fighting for agree with the people I've been fighting against, and shove me under the bus in an effort to appeal to the people running me over with it. Knowing that the bus is going to aim for them once it's done with me just makes it sadder, yknow?

@saint-speaks wasn't the first person to ever speak the word "transandrophobia", but he is the one who coined and popularized it in its current form. And then he was dragged through the mud so hard and so brutally that some people think I coined it, just because when I defended him (too little and too late, imo) I withstood the mud-dragging better than he did (and gee, I wonder white.)

And now people take for granted that everything everyone said about hymn to justify that frankly fucking evil harassment campaign was true, actually, and we should abandon the word he coined and find one with purer origins.

If you honestly think "anti-transmasculinity" is just a more practical word, that's fine. I don't care what word we use. But they're going to cover it in mud, too. They're going to cover every one of you in mud.

Will you keep fighting for "ATM" once they make it the new dirty, gross, bad, evil word? Will you keep fighting when they drag you and everyone else through the mud for using it? Or will you agree with them, make up a new word, and never look back?

Please don't let us drown in the mud. We've been fighting for you, and we want to fight with you. Please.

[burr-ell]

My biggest problem with campaign 3 as someone who fell off around episode 80 is that none of the characters seem to want anything. None of them really have a goal they're working towards nor do they have any strong opinions about the MAIN PLOT of the campaign.

To be honest, the first thing I thought of when I read this ask was the C3 defenders who have been insisting that so much criticism of the finale comes from people who dropped off a while ago and therefore wouldn't know. But what you're saying here points to the actual problem behind why the final episodes of the campaign were such a mess. If it's episode 80 of 121 and there's only a perfunctory sense of motivation from the characters? That's a problem, and it's going to make it nearly impossible for the finale to stick the landing. To quote @wardensantoineandevka, it's an Act 2 problem, not an Act 3 problem.

I've heard more than once that "nuh-uh, Bell's Hells does have motivation, it's called altruism", and I'm going to take a detour to explain why that's not enough. If you've followed me long enough to know the deep lore, you know I used to be a fan of Voltron: Legendary Defender, whose final seasons were notoriously disastrous. Many fans hated it (for different reasons), while general audiences mainly thought it was mid. Deeper research into the production history nets inconsistent results; a lot of unsourced rumors and "common knowledge" got spread around Twitter and Tumblr about why the show fell off the rails so hard, and it's difficult to parse what feels true from what actually happened.

What I do know, however, is what I actually saw in the show, where the main cast feels as if their motivation to be there is "we're the protagonists". There's very little development of emotional connection between the characters beyond a surface level, and the characters don't have a personal investment in what they're doing. (And no, "they're just altruists" is not sufficient motivation. The altruism, like the characters, is pretend.) They're there because they got to the giant robots first. So at the end of the show, where they've escalated the stakes to "the whole MULTIVERSE is going to be destroyed", it lacks weight because none of the work has been done throughout the show to make it feel like that matters to the characters. Act 1 was promising if a bit shaky, but Act 2 is a mess, and it turned Act 3 into sludge.

To bring it back to better stories: why is it Vox Machina dealing with the Chroma Conclave? Because it's the right thing to do and because their city and home that they had invested themselves in got suddenly and violently attacked, and by a group associated with a dragon they previously killed, and they picked up more reasons along the way. Why is it the Mighty Nein dealing with Cognouza? Because it's the right thing to do and because the major player involved was piloting the body of their friend who died in an incredibly traumatic and game-changing moment, and they picked up more reasons along the way.

Why is it the Hells dealing with Ruidus? Because it's the right thing to do and...because Imogen had moon dreams and Orym's family was killed and everyone else is sort of there. Why is it Team Voltron dealing with the multiverse problem? Because it's the right thing to do and...because they're the ones with the giant robot. More than one person has described the vibe as "we met during freshman orientation and talking to anyone else would be scary".

The Hells are not played with the level of intentionality that this plot requires—but ultimately, as many people have pointed out, most of the burden of this falls not on the players but on Matt. Being so hands-off during character creation meant that he allowed the cast to make characters better suited to a completely different story than what he wanted, and was either unable or unwilling to pivot to accommodate. ("Pulpier and deadlier" is getting passed around and dunked on for a reason.) The cast was mainly trying to thread the needle of playing true to their characters while also trying to meet the needs of Matt's story when he was frequently keeping them in the dark about what he wanted for the sake of surprising them.

When the big setpiece moment of episode 51 came and went, the campaign became so focused on getting everybody through plot points that the only conversations they had were the seemingly endless circular god debates that went nowhere. It's not really a "nuanced morally gray story" as its defenders claim; it's the DM seeing the party go in a direction and then throwing something else at them to "complicate" things in a way that either gets forgotten about entirely (Hearthdell) or just grinds the story to a screeching halt for no payoff (Feywild trust exercises). These problems are most noticeable in the final arcs (particularly with the Arch Heart appearance—not giving Abu any direction and just letting him improv was a very poor decision), but the feeling that Bell's Hells are just a ping-pong ball bouncing from fetch quest to vaguely-related fetch quest, rather than active agents in their own story, was present well before that.

Campaign 3 probably won't be remembered as bad. At the end of the day, I think it's just mid. And honestly? That might be worse.

[jungkoode]

死 KKANGPAE | #08 死

† chai †

"Sweetness doesn’t have a place in Jeon’s life, or at least it didn’t, until now. Because he’s been craving vanilla and cardamom and… chai? Hoseok is as annoying as always, and the fact that you may be at tonight’s celebration is… something he doesn’t quite know how to process."

next | index

⚔ chapter details ⚔

word count: 6.3k

rating: mature

content: snippet into jeon’s head, jeon’s POV, jeon being emo, sad vibes, insomnia, mental health issues, pills, suicide jokes, j-hope being a good friend and also a good doctor, celebrations, booze, female friendships, moon being surprisingly good at mixing drinks

☠ author's note ☠

I can literally HEAR all your "I can fix him" screams from here and honestly? SAME. I, too, want to fix the emotionally constipated sniper who probably sleeps with his combat boots on (￣ω￣)

Here's the thing—I started this whole endeavor thinking I'd stick strictly to the protagonist's POV. Very tunnel vision, very "we only know what she knows" vibes. But then Jeon's broody ass started living rent-free in my head and I was like... fuck, I want to show what's happening in that disaster brain of his too???

I'm sure you know the feeling. When reading, you just NEED to know what the hell is going on behind those cold eyes and that jaw that could cut glass. But it gets tricky, especially when you're trying to do this whole slow reveal thing without dumping too much info at once.

And trust me, the character of Jeon is like a cocktail made by a bartender who's having an existential crisis—way too many conflicting ingredients, definitely going to give you a hangover, but you're still going to drink it because you hate yourself. Or love pain. Or both.

So I decided to include snippets of his POV sometimes. It feels necessary—some conversations need to happen when our protagonist isn't there, and some emotional baggage needs unpacking for you readers to understand what's actually going on (like back in chapter 2 when we got that glimpse into his head).

Now, I'd love to ask for your opinion on this whole POV-switching business, but let's be real—this story is pretty much gonna be completed by the time you're reading this author's note. So... I'm just gonna trust my chaotic writer instincts on this one.

And if you don't like getting glimpses into Jeon's beautiful disaster of a mind? Well... you're gonna like it today anyway (•̀ᴗ•́)━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

⚔ socials ⚔

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tumblr/twitter: @jungkoode

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎

Jungkook doesn't do sweets. Never has.

His world operates in darker shades, tactical operations and precise calculations. Sweetness belongs to a different universe—one of bright colors and soft edges that he left behind long ago.

Sometimes a piece of candy appears in his pocket, usually after a meeting with JM who keeps bowls of them everywhere. He'll unwrap it absently, the crinkle of plastic echoing in his quiet office. Let it dissolve on his tongue while reviewing mission reports. The initial sweetness isn't unpleasant, stirring something old and forgotten in his chest.

But it never lasts.

The sugar becomes too much, coating his mouth like an unwelcome invasion. 

Cloying. 

Suffocating. 

He usually tosses the rest, wondering why he even bothered.

Lately though, something's changed. 

He finds himself reaching for vanilla cookies in the cafeteria. Ordering cardamom tea instead of his usual black coffee. Small impulses he can't explain, like his body's searching for something his mind hasn't caught up to yet.

And now?

Now the clock reads 4:16 AM. 

It's yet another night of minimal sleep—three and a half hours if he's being generous. The neon numbers mock him from his bedside table, surrounded by an array of pills that could probably tranquilize an elephant. 

All prescribed by J-Hope.

All increasingly useless.

Benzos. Narcotics. Nothing touches the corners of his insomnia anymore.

He's been fighting with his sheets for the past hour, tangled evidence of another failed attempt at rest. The black covers pool around his feet like spilled ink. His bedroom surrounds him in familiar darkness—walls painted to absorb light rather than reflect it, matching the void that lives behind his ribs.

The king-sized bed stretches out like empty territory, conquered by nothing but restless thoughts and the occasional phantom of memory. His room is a fortress built of clean lines and minimal decoration, a cell of his own design where even the shadows know better than to dance.

But lately, even this usually comforting solitude feels... different. Like something's missing. Something warm and sweet that he can't quite name.

Jungkook steps into the cold, the floor a shock against his bare feet. The shadows stretch across his bedroom, making the space feel hollow and vast at 4 AM. His movements are silent—years of training making even his insomnia graceful.

The lounge area of his wing feels abandoned. Empty sofas and tables wait like props on a stage, missing their usual cast of lieutenants and strategists. During the day, this space buzzes with mission plans and tactical discussions. Now it's just him and the quiet.

He closes the door to his wing, crossing into the neutral territory of the entrance hall. It's the DMZ between his domain and V's—a thought that makes his head hurt. Even at this hour, he can feel the shift in energy. 

V's presence lingers here like a bad taste.

The access card feels heavy in his hand. A small piece of tech that reminds him of his rank, his responsibilities. AD's security system responds with a soft beep, elevator doors sliding open on silent tracks. He steps in, presses the button for the common area. It's not his usual haunt—too exposed, too public—but lately he's been drawn there.

The descent gives him time to think. His mind drifts between fragments of nightmares and that strange, persistent craving for sweetness. It's been haunting him for weeks now, this urge for vanilla and cardamom. 

For chai and spices.

Maybe his brain is trying to balance out the bitterness that fills his days, or maybe he's finally losing it.

The elevator announces his arrival with a quiet ding. The corridor stretches before him, dark and empty. Somewhere down there is the snack area, and maybe, if he's lucky, a moment of peace.

He moves towards the corridor. Posters and artwork splash color across the cream walls—a jarring contrast to his stark quarters. He never quite understood the need for decoration, but the members insist on making the space "lived in." Whatever that means.

After 3 minutes, the common lounge sprawls before him, so different from his wing's militant precision. Here, rank means little. Divisions blur. The high ceiling should make the space feel cold, but somehow it doesn't. Maybe it's the worn leather sofas or the gaming consoles scattered about like abandoned toys. 

The air smells of polish and something unknown yet weirdly tranquil—comfort, maybe. 

He pushes that thought away.

Vending machines hum quietly in the snack area. Behind the glass, rows of sweets beckon. His eyes linger on a vanilla protein bar, then drift to some cardamom cookies. The craving hits again, piercing and mercilessly insistent.

But he's not alone.

AD slouches in a puff chair, bathed in the blue light of his game screen. His face twisted in its usual scowl, fingers jabbing at buttons with unnecessary force. 

The sight stirs something in Jungkook's chest—regret, maybe. 

Or guilt. 

Both emotions he'd rather not examine.

Their eyes meet. The air grows heavy. Unspoken words. Shared trauma.

The gaming console beeps softly. AD's character dies on screen. The silence that follows feels like an accusation.

Jungkook notes the way AD's blonde hair glints in the dim light as his eyes snap to Jungkook. His fingers still on the controller, body shifting into something more guarded, more alert. 

Jungkook feels his muscles tense automatically. The late-night sugar craving fades to background noise as AD's frosty stare pins him in place. 

Like a fucking needle cutting into skin. 

His hand hovers over the door handle, and he can't decide whether to stay or retreat. There's too much history here, too many buried regrets—and AD's presence brings it all rushing back—memories Jungkook would rather keep locked away with his other nightmares.

He immediately clocks the way AD's face contorts—sharp and bitter—and it makes Jungkook's chest tighten with familiar remorse. 

The younger man has never quite forgiven him. 

Probably never will.

Just as Jungkook decides to leave, to return to the safety of his isolation, AD's voice slices through the silence.

"No need for you to scurry off." The words barely mask the hostility underneath. "Was about to leave anyway."

Jungkook forces his shoulders to relax, though his jaw remains tight. Their paths cross rarely these days, and when they do, it's always like this—loaded silences and measured distance.

AD sets the controller down. Sharp. Angry. His movements are stiff as he rises, radiating enmity in waves that fill the common room. The scent of fresh lemons—AD's signature—grows stronger as he approaches.

But Jungkook doesn't move. 

Doesn't flinch. 

He deserves this, after all. This anger, this hostility, this remorse that reminds him of betrayals he can never make right.

The collision comes swift and deliberate—AD's shoulder slamming into his with force. The impact jolts through Jungkook's body, but the physical pain is nothing compared to the guilt that floods his system. His throat tightens with dusty apologies he knows AD would never accept.

He watches him stride away, the blonde's back rigid with years of accumulated anger. The sound of his footsteps fades down the corridor, leaving Jungkook alone with the quiet hum of the vending machines and his own thoughts.

There was a time when AD looked up to him, when their dynamic was different—better. Now all that remains is this bitter aftermath, this chasm Jungkook carved with his own choices. The memory of who they used to be makes the present cut deeper.

The gaming console's screen still glows, enhancing AD's absence in the empty chair he left behind. The 'GAME OVER' message blinks mockingly. Jungkook's fingers twitch, remembering late nights spent teaching AD new gaming strategies, back when trust wasn't such a foreign concept between them.

He should feel angry at the shoulder check; at the constant hostility that feels like a reprimand. 

But all he feels is hollow. 

Empty. 

Because how can he blame AD for hating him when he did this? When he destroyed something irreplaceable with decisions he can never take back?

He can't help but stare down the empty corridor where AD disappeared, the bitter taste of their encounter lingering longer than he'd like. His craving for sweetness feels almost desperate now—a childish attempt to wash away the guilt that gnaws at his chest.

His throat tightens. He swallows hard, trying to maintain the aloofness expected of Kkangpae's deadliest sniper. 

But it's hard, when AD's hostility has cracked something open inside him, letting old memories seep through like poison.

The vending machines hum quietly, offering a welcome distraction. He scans the selection without really seeing it, until—

Croissants.

Something shifts in his stomach at the sight of those packaged pastries. They're nothing like the fresh ones from the cafeteria, the ones you always grab during breakfast. Not that he's been watching. It's just that you're always there when he is, picking up one of those flaky pastries along with your coffee.

He's noticed, despite himself, how early you arrive to snag them before they run out. Same time as him, though his early mornings are spent running from nightmares rather than hunting down breakfast.

The memory of your routine feels oddly grounding after his encounter with AD. It's something simple, predictable. 

Unlike the mess of guilt and regret that follows him through these halls at night.

It's a strange comfort, this knowledge of your habits. 

One he doesn't understand.

One he probably doesn't deserve.

The scent of fresh lemons still lingers in the air, like a ghost of bridges burned and trust fractured. But as Jungkook stares at those artificially-made croissants, he finds himself thinking of chai tea instead.

He tears his gaze away, scanning other options until he spots a nutty protein bar. Practical. Sensible. The kind of choice the Chief of Tactical Assassinations should make. 

He jabs at the keypad hastily, and then, the machine whirs and drops his selection with a dull thud.

The wrapper crinkles in his grip as he retrieves it. Such a simple thing—choosing a late-night snack. No one gets hurt. No trust gets broken. No consequences ripple through the gang's hierarchy. 

Just him and a protein bar at 4 AM.

The common room feels different now that AD's gone. Quieter. Jungkook lets himself breathe, really breathe, for what feels like the first time since AD's shoulder slammed into his.

He should feel worse, probably. Should let the weight of past betrayals and broken friendships crush him like they usually do. But something about this moment—this stupid protein bar in his hand, the quiet of the room, the lingering thought of croissants and early mornings—makes everything feel a bit lighter.

His lips almost twitch into what could be a smile. It's weird, this tiny bubble of something in his chest. Almost like contentment. He doesn't examine it too closely, afraid it might shatter.

The corridors don't feel as suffocating as he makes his way back to his wing. The shadows seem less interested in reminding him of his sins. 

For now, in this small hour between night and dawn, he allows himself this moment of peace.

He probably doesn't deserve it. But for once, he takes it anyway.

Jungkook stares at his lunch without really seeing it. 

The cafeteria bustles around him, but he's carved out his own bubble of silence at the far end of a long table. It's better this way—no small talk, no pretending to care about division gossip.

His chopsticks push a piece of fish back and forth across his plate. The encounter with AD keeps replaying in his mind, each memory tasting bitter like the coffee he's been nursing for the past hour. Some wounds, he's learning, don't heal with time. They just scab over, waiting to be picked open again.

And then, a tray clatters across from him. 

J-Hope drops into the seat, his white medical coat slightly rumpled from what's probably been a busy morning in the infirmary. The doctor's eyes scan Jungkook's face with scrutiny, his mouth pulling into that familiar worried frown.

"You look like shit," J-Hope announces, ever the picture of bedside manner. "Two hours of sleep? Maybe less?"

Jungkook shrugs, still focused on mutilating his fish. "Don't count anymore."

"Those new meds I gave you—" J-Hope starts, unwrapping his sandwich with more force than necessary. "You're actually taking them, right?"

"They don't work." The words come out flat. "Nothing does."

"Jesus christ," J-Hope mumbles through a bite of sandwich. "Have you tried, I don't know, taking them before you spend six hours staring at your ceiling? Maybe with some tea?"

The concern in J-Hope's voice makes something twist in Jungkook's chest. 

He doesn't deserve this—the worry, the care, any of it. 

Not after everything. 

But J-Hope is one of the few people who still treats him like a person rather than a cautionary tale, so he tries to sound less dismissive when he responds.

"I don't need a lesson on how to take pills. They just don't work for me."

The doctor sets his sandwich down, eyebrows pulling together. A bit of lettuce falls out. "Look, I know you've built up tolerance, but we need to find something that works. You can't keep going like this."

"I'm fine." He's not, but he doesn't truly care. "Function better on less sleep anyway. More efficient."

"That's bullshit and you know it." J-Hope's voice rises slightly, anger seeping through. "You think I can't see what this is doing to you? The mood swings? The isolation? This isn't healthy, Jungkook."

Jungkook flinches at the use of his real name. "I don't need a lecture. I'm handling it."

"Oh yeah, real healthy coping strategy." J-Hope's scoff holds more concern than mockery. "Just pretend everything's fine while you run yourself into the ground."

Exhaustion weighs heavy on Jungkook's bones. Three hours of sleep and memories of AD's hostility from last night make his tongue looser than usual. "Maybe you should prescribe me your finest benzos. Let me wash them down with vodka. That ought to do the trick."

The slam of J-Hope's palm against the table makes the silverware jump. Several heads turn their way, but Jungkook can't bring himself to care. 

"If you want to kill yourself," J-Hope's voice is deadly quiet, trembling with rage, "don't you dare make it my prescription."

The cafeteria suddenly feels too small, too crowded. J-Hope's worry tastes bitter in the back of Jungkook's throat, mixing with guilt he doesn't have the energy to process. He shouldn't have said that—shouldn't have joked about something so dark. But three hours of sleep and a lifetime of regrets make it hard to care about much of anything anymore.

Silence stretches between them. Jungkook stares at his mangled fish, not really eating anymore. He knows what's coming—J-Hope never could leave well enough alone.

The doctor's voice softens, trying a different approach. "Have you considered meditation? Or maybe some calming music? I know a sleep therapist who—"

"I don't need a damn therapist." Jungkook's tongue plays with his lip ring, a nervous habit he can't shake. 

The metal tastes bitter, or maybe that's just the exhaustion talking.

Because J-Hope is wrong. Therapy won't fix this. Pills won't fix this. Nothing can erase what happened, what he let happen. Some stains don't wash out, no matter how hard you scrub.

"Look, Jungkook." J-Hope uses his real name again, and his throat constricts uncontrollably. "Ever since what happened with—"

"Don't." The word comes out sharp enough to cut.

J-Hope holds his gaze, unflinching. "You can't keep punishing yourself forever."

"I'm not discussing this." His voice turns to steel, matching the cold weight that's made a home in his chest.

Another sigh from J-Hope as he leans back. "Fine. But you know where to find me when you're ready to actually try and fix this."

Jungkook's jaw clenches so hard it hurts, a muscle jumping under his skin. But he stays quiet. What's the point of arguing when J-Hope doesn't understand? 

Some things aren't meant to be fixed. 

Some people don't deserve to be.

Jungkook pushes his half-eaten lunch away with a tired sigh. He can feel it coming—the same conversation they have every year.

"So," J-Hope starts, right on cue. "Making an appearance tonight or pulling your usual disappearing act?" He peers at Jungkook over his coffee mug, eyes too knowing for comfort.

"Haven't decided." The words come out clipped, because he feels already exhausted by the mere thought of socializing.

"You should come." J-Hope takes a careful sip. "Might help to interact with actual humans instead of just your rifle for a change."

"I interact plenty." It sounds defensive even to his own ears.

"Glaring at people from across the room doesn't count as interaction." J-Hope's voice is dry as desert sand. "Neither does grunting one-word responses."

Jungkook's tongue finds his lip ring, playing with it absently. "It's just a casual thing. Not mandatory."

"Right, just our leader's rise to power celebration. Totally insignificant." The doctor's sarcasm could cut glass. "Definitely not something a Council member should show face at."

"RM himself said it's not formal." 

"Maybe not officially. But you know what it means to everyone else. Especially the newer ones—shows them what we're about, what matters to us."

Newer ones. The words make him hold his breath. He thinks of Yunjin's bright enthusiasm, of your sharp wit. Of how you'll probably be there tonight.

The thought doesn't help him decide whether he wants to go more, or run faster in the opposite direction.

"You seem perfectly capable of handling traditions without me."

"For fuck's sake, Jungkook." The doctor's frustration bleeds through. "This isn't about tradition. It's about you actually being part of the team for once. Don't you ever get tired of the whole lone wolf act?"

Something bitter rises in Jungkook's throat. His tongue presses against his cheek—a habit from childhood he never quite shook.

Silence. He takes a slow breath, measuring his words. 

"I'll think about showing up."

It's not a yes, but J-Hope takes what he can get. The doctor's shoulders relax slightly as he leans back, apparently satisfied with even this crumb of compliance.

"Got patients waiting," J-Hope says, collecting his things. The coffee mug scrapes against the tray. "Try to sleep before tonight, yeah?"

Jungkook makes a noncommittal sound, already drifting into thoughts of empty corridors and quiet corners where he won't have to pretend to be social. Where he won't have to see AD's hatred or V's cruel smile. Where he won't have to watch you move through the crowd, chai-scented and d̶i̶s̶t̶r̶a̶c̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ irrelevant.

J-Hope's footsteps fade into the cafeteria buzz, leaving Jungkook alone with his cold coffee and colder thoughts. 

Another conversation that changes nothing, fixes nothing.

Just like everything else in his life.

"What?"

The word tumbles out of your mouth before you can stop it. 

Smooth, real smooth.

Chaewon snorts, eyes crinkling. "Right, keep forgetting you're still a baby gang member. Tonight's the whole 'RM took over this shitshow' party."

You frown, because seriously? Four months in and you're just now hearing about this? Some Seduction Division recruit you are.

"It's not a big deal," Chaewon adds, probably seeing the confusion on your face. "RM didn't even start it. We just got drunk on the first anniversary and now it's a thing."

Eunchae pops her head between you and Chaewon, her light brown hair tickling your cheek. "Plus, you know. Give gang members an excuse to drink and we'll run with it."

You lean back against the couch, letting your head fall back softly. 

Great. 

Another Kkangpae tradition you and Yunjin missed the memo on. At this rate, you'll still be the clueless newbies when you're both grey and wrinkled.

"So what, we just show up and get wasted?" you ask, trying to sound casual. Like you're not low-key freaking out about what to wear or how to act around the higher-ups when they're three sheets to the wind.

Chaewon shrugs, picking at her nails. "Pretty much. Some people get all fancy, others come in sweatpants. It's not like RM gives a shit either way."

A flash of bubblegum pink catches your eye. Yunjin shuffles in, hair wrapped in a towel and dripping onto her shoulders. Perfect timing, as always.

"Did someone say alcohol?" She plops down on the sofa arm, water droplets flying everywhere. "Because I'm not playing nurse again tonight."

"That was one time!" Eunchae's voice pitches up in defense. "And that mark needed me to drink!"

Kazuha snorts. "You could've said no."

"To free drinks?" Eunchae spins around, hand on her chest like she's been mortally wounded. "In this economy?"

"She's got a point," Sakura drawls from her sprawl across the couch. Her long legs dangle over the armrest, taking up way too much space.

Yunjin tugs at her towel, rolling her eyes. "Well, don't come crying to me when you're hugging the toilet later."

You can't help but laugh. These idiots are really your team now. "I take it parties get pretty wild around here?"

"Oh honey." Kazuha's lips twitch. "There's a reason strip poker got banned."

"I'm sorry, what?" Your eyes go wide. Because what.

"It was brief but iconic." Eunchae grins, nudging your shoulder. "Sakura tried to slide across a table."

"And I would've made it!" Sakura calls out, not even bothering to lift her head. "That loose board was sabotage, I swear."

"Sure, blame the table." Eunchae turns to you with a conspiratorial wink. "Just wait till you see what happens when someone breaks out the tequila."

You raise an eyebrow, already mentally noting which Council members to avoid when the drinks start flowing. 

"Thanks for the warning. I'll stay away from any furniture surfing attempts."

Your teammates' laughter fills the room, and something warm blooms in your chest. It's weird how these chaotic idiots have become your f̶a̶m̶i̶l̶y̶ friends in just four months.

Chaewon leans back, crossing her legs. "Tonight's pretty chill though. Eat, drink, try not to pass out in a bush somewhere."

"Now that's what I'm talking about." Eunchae bounces in her seat like an overexcited golden retriever.

"Open field, 8 PM." Chaewon's voice shifts into what you've dubbed her 'mom tone.' "We're doing BBQ, and there'll be enough booze to knock out a small army. Wear whatever, but bundle up—it gets cold as balls out there."

"That's two hours from now!" Eunchae flops dramatically across the couch. "Two whole hours. I'm starving now."

"Is food literally all you think about?" Kazuha rolls her eyes, but there's fondness in her tone.

"I could think about other things." Eunchae wiggles her eyebrows. "But food's never disappointed me like men do."

You snort at that. She's not wrong. In your four months here, you've learned (mostly from Yunjin's gossip) that Kkangpae men are like a box of chocolates—mostly bitter, occasionally nutty, and always complicated.

The girls dissolve into giggles again, and you find yourself joining in. Maybe it's the promise of alcohol, or maybe it's just the way these dorks make even a deadly criminal organization feel weirdly homey, but you're actually looking forward to tonight.

God help you.

It's 8:10 PM when you finally head out. You went with comfy over fancy—oversized grey hoodie over a white turtleneck, because fuck freezing to death. The thermal lining is probably the best purchase you've made since joining Kkangpae. That, and these loose jeans that actually have functional pockets.

A flash of pink appears in your peripheral vision before Yunjin loops her arm through yours, practically vibrating with enthusiasm.

"Aren't you excited?" She bounces on her toes like a kid with a sugar rush. "I heard these parties are insane!"

You can't help but laugh. Her enthusiasm is s̶w̶e̶e̶t̶ infectious. But the elevator dings before you can respond, doors sliding open to reveal—oh.

V lounges inside, arm draped over JM's shoulders like the Finance Chief is his personal armrest. JM seems unbothered, wearing that patient smile he gets when dealing with V's... everything. His salmon-colored hair looks soft under the elevator lights.

"Ladiessssss!" V draws out the word like he's auditioning for Parseltongue lessons. He shifts to make room, though his arm stays firmly around JM. "Coming to party with us common folk?"

"Free food's free food." You shrug, stepping in beside Yunjin who's still clinging to your arm.

She giggles at your response, squeezing your arm tighter. You catch JM's eye and nod—proper respect for a Council member and all that. He returns it with a warm smile that makes his eyes crinkle behind his round glasses.

The elevator feels smaller with four people, especially when one of them is V taking up space like it's his job. But hey, at least it's not AD. Or worse, J̶e̶o̶n̶ certain other Council members.

"Evening, JM." You smile at him, because it's hard not to. His aura always feels like a warm blanket—the complete opposite of V's chaotic energy.

"Good evening." JM's voice is soft, gentle. "I hope the night finds you well."

"What is this, fucking Shakespeare?" V waves his hand dismissively. "Save the fancy talk for business hours. Tonight's for getting wasted and making bad decisions. Luckily we will be free of certain judgemental stares."

"V." JM's warning comes with a poorly hidden smile.

"What? Just saying what everyone thinks." V grins, all teeth. "Not my fault someone walks around like they've got a steel rod up their ass."

"Pretty sure that's just the natural reaction to dealing with you for years." The words slip out before you can stop them.

"Wow. Wow." V pretends you've stabbed him in the chest. "Already picking sides? And here I thought we were gonna be besties."

You roll your eyes. "Not picking sides. Just speaking from personal experience."

"Brief experience," he corrects, wagging a finger at you. "You haven't seen all my charms yet. I grow on people, like mold."

"That's... not the selling point you think it is."

Finally the metallic doors open to the ground floor. Through the glass gates, you can see the open field where everyone's gathering. The sky's already dark, stars peeking through like tiny paint droplets.

Here goes nothing.

The field buzzes with activity, gang members scattered around like the stars peppered across the night sky. A bonfire crackles in the middle, throwing warm light over everyone's faces. The smell of BBQ makes your stomach growl—you haven't eaten since lunch.

RM's white hair catches the firelight, making him look almost ethereal. It's weird seeing him like this, gesturing animatedly as he talks. The fearsome leader of Kkangpae, actually laughing. Who knew?

Moon hovers by the drinks, playing bartender—although still maintaining his usual polite efficiency. Though tonight his smile seems more genuine, less 'I'm being nice because I'm your superior' and more 'want another beer?'

Jessi and Chaewon huddle together near the fire, probably plotting world domination or sharing gossip. The flames dance in Jessi's red hair while Chaewon leans in close, looking more relaxed than you've ever seen her during training.

V drags JM toward the grill, still attached to him like a very loud, very clingy octopus. "Make way for the master chefs!" he hollers, making JM shake his head with fond exasperation.

Your eyes scan the crowd before you can stop yourself. Looking for broad shoulders in black leather, for silver piercings catching firelight. For that scent of pine and wood that's become way too f̶a̶m̶i̶l̶i̶a̶r̶ noticeable lately.

But Jeon isn't here.

You feel something waver in your chest—disappointment maybe, or just hunger. 

Yeah, definitely hunger. 

You push the thought away and focus on the party. There's food and alcohol and your friends are here. That's what matters.

Yunjin tugs you toward the bonfire, and god, the warmth feels good after the castle's perpetual AC chill. It's weird seeing everyone so relaxed—like someone hit pause on all the gang politics and murder plots for one night.

You sink onto a log bench, letting the fire chase away the evening cold. The flames bathe everyone in soft gold, making even the most hardened killers look almost n̶i̶c̶e̶ normal for once.

J-Hope appears through the crowd like a ghost in his white medical coat, looking like he's about to collapse. The bags under his eyes have bags of their own, but he's still got that manic energy that keeps him running on fumes and spite.

He drops onto the bench nearby with a groan that sounds like his soul trying to escape. The scent of sandalwood follows him, mixing with woodsmoke.

"Rough day?" you ask, eyeing his very out-of-place doctor getup.

His laugh comes out more like a wheeze. "You could say that." He waves vaguely at his coat. "Didn't exactly get a wardrobe change break."

Yunjin giggles beside you, still clutching your arm like a pink-haired koala.

Your eyes scan the crowd again, definitely not looking for anyone s̶p̶e̶c̶i̶f̶i̶c̶ particular. "Where's the rest of the Council?"

"Well," J-Hope snorts, "AD's busy losing at League of Legends. Says he'll grace us with his presence when he's done raging at his screen."

"And Jeon?" The question slips out. Smooth. 

J-Hope answers your question with a nod toward the field entrance. Your eyes follow and—oh.

Jeon strides in with Takama, both of them loaded down with enough meat to feed a small country. The firelight catches on his silver piercings, and fuck, he shouldn't look this good just carrying groceries. Your heart does that stupid little skip thing it's been doing lately whenever he's around.

But it's like... something's different about him tonight. The usual ice-prince vibe is dialed down a notch, replaced by something almost... approachable.

Unapproachably approachable.

Takama actually has him engaged in conversation—a miracle in itself. His shaved head immediately grabs your attention as he says something that makes Jeon relax slightly.

They drop the meat by the grill, and you notice how Jeon's eyes sweep across the crowd. It's quick, casual, but you catch it anyway. There's something searching in his gaze, like he's looking for... well. Probably just checking the perimeter or whatever security shit he does.

You turn back to J-Hope, trying to ignore the warmth in your cheeks. "Even party night comes with duties, huh?"

"That's Kkangpae for you." J-Hope's voice carries a touch of dry humor. "We don't do proper days off here."

He's right. Even now, surrounded by laughter and firelight and the promise of good food, you're all still playing your parts. Though watching Jeon handle those heavy bags like they're nothing makes you think some roles aren't so bad to watch.

Get it together. 

You sink deeper into the bench, letting the bonfire's warmth seep into your bones. The sound of laughter and sizzling meat hovers around you; everyone's guard lowered just a fraction under the stars.

Takama then leads Jeon toward the fire, some members sprawled out on the grass around them like lazy cats. The deputy's eyes find yours, his smile genuine—a rare sight in your line of work.

"Ankle doing better?" he asks, and you're touched he remembers.

"All healed up, thanks." You return his smile, because Takama's one of the few higher-ups who actually seems to give a shit about the recruits.

Jeon just nods at you, dark eyes meeting yours for a split second before sliding away. You're starting to notice is his thing—minimal effort, maximum impact. Your skin prickles despite the fire's heat.

The conversation naturally flows around you, mission stories and inside jokes mixing seamlessly even between different divisions. You half-listen, too aware of Jeon's presence at the edge of the group. He pulls out his cigarettes with those r̶i̶d̶i̶c̶u̶l̶o̶u̶s̶l̶y̶ ̶n̶i̶c̶e̶ steady hands, placing one between his pierced lips in a way that makes your mouth go dry.

But before he can light up, J-Hope shoots him a look that could freeze hell. Some silent doctor-patient communication passes between them, and Jeon clicks his tongue, shoving the cigarette back in its pack. Frustration flashes across his face before he quickly shoves it down. 

But you catch yourself studying him—the way his fingers fidget with the lighter he can't use, how his jaw clenches when he's annoyed. Little details that paint a picture of the man behind the cold exterior. 

Not that you're paying special attention or anything.

Moon's got a nice little bar setup going by the drinks station. You could use something to take the edge off this weird night. So you stand up, already missing the bonfire's warmth whilst stretching your arms above your head.

"Getting drinks," you tell Yunjin, who's deep in conversation with some other recruits. "Want anything?"

Her eyes light up. "Beer, please!"

You glance at Takama, still chatting with his boss. "Beer run. You in?"

"That'd be great, thanks." His smile is genuinely warm.

You look at the doctor—J-Hope's been quiet, watching everything with those too-observant eyes—and ask him too. 

"Can I grab you something?"

"I don't drink." His tone is light but final. Like a door closing.

You nod, not pushing it. Your eyes drift to Jeon last, catching him staring into the flames like they hold all life's answers. He meets your gaze for a second, and you'd swear something unreadable flickering across his face before he looks away.

"Whisky on the rocks," he mutters, barely audible over the crackling fire.

You bite back a smile. Of course he drinks whisky. Probably the expensive kind too, the pretentious a̶s̶s̶h̶o̶l̶e̶ guy.

Moon's showing off his bartending skills to an impressed crowd when you approach. Time to see if the Deputy Commander makes drinks as precisely as he runs operations.

His back is turned to you as you approach, mixing something that probably has enough alcohol to knock out a horse. But he moves confidently, like he's done this a thousand times before.

When he finally finishes serving another member, you step up. His serious bartender face melts into something more welcoming.

"What can I get you?" He wipes his hands on a towel, all proper and polite as usual.

"Vodka lemonade for me," you say. "Plus whisky on the rocks and two beers for the others."

He nods, already reaching for bottles. "Coming right up."

You watch him work, impressed despite yourself. "Where'd you learn all this fancy mixing stuff?"

"Been around a while," he chuckles, measuring vodka into a shaker. "It's useful—nothing settles gang politics like a good drink."

"You're really good at this," you say, leaning against the counter. "Like, seriously good."

His hands pause for a split second. A small smile tugs at his lips. 

"Thanks. It's an old passion. Actually wanted to open my own bar once—somewhere quiet, away from all..." He gestures vaguely at the chaos around you.

"That's... not what I expected." You watch him pour whisky over ice with perfect precision. 

"Life's funny that way." He slices a lemon expertly. "We all had different plans before this. Different dreams. But here we are."

Something in his voice makes you pause—because yeah, it's so easy to forget sometimes that everyone here has a story, a before. Even Moon, with his perfect posture and formal suits, had different dreams once.

The thought sits heavy in your chest as he lines up your drinks. You wonder what dreams everyone else gave up to end up here, in a criminal organization's makeshift bar under the stars.

"What about you?" Moon asks, stirring your drink now. "Got any derailed dreams?"

You consider the question, because it feels surreal to be having this kind of talk with the Deputy Commander—usually conversations here stick to missions and murder plots.

"Pretty sure we all left something behind when we joined." The words come out slower than intended. "Different paths all leading to the same fucked up destination, right?"

Moon hands you the drinks, and his expression is softer. "That's gang life for you. Trade in your old self, get a new family and some trauma in return."

"Any regrets?"

He gets this far-away look, like he's seeing something beyond the makeshift bar. Then he shakes his head. 

"Made my choice. Even the darkest paths have their bright spots."

You take the drinks, mentally filing away this unexpectedly deep conversation with Kkangpae's second-in-command. Who knew he had a philosophical side under all that formality?

"Thanks for the drinks. And the..." You gesture vaguely with your chin, since your hands are full. "This whole thing."

His smile actually reaches his eyes this time. "Anytime. Now go before those drinks get warm."

"You joining us later?"

"Once dinner's ready." He's already turning to help another member.

You nod, somehow managing to stuff the beer cans in your hoodie pocket while balancing two glasses. The bonfire calls you back, its warmth promising more interesting conversations ahead.

Though probably none as surprising as this one.

next | index

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@cannotalwaysbenight @livingformintyoongi @itstoastsworld @redcherrykook @somehowukook @stutixmaru @chloepiccoliniii @kimnamjoonmiddletoe @rpwprpwprpwprw @jimineepaboya @annyeongbitch7 @mar-lo-pap

© jungkoode 2025

no reposts, translations, or adaptations

[live-laugh-lenney]

You should so do a fic where the reader has a podcast (like saving grace) and everyone noticed how comparable she and Arthur seem he. He’s a guest (even though she’s like much more extroverted) would be fun🤞❤️

oh, this would be so cute :'))

if there was one thing yn felt comfortable doing, it was waffling.

she just loved to talk. about anything and everything, from what she had read on twitter to what she had heard about online to a brand new documentary that she had taken an interest in when flicking the channels on the television. delving deep into topics that had endless possibilities, spewing off facts that she'd read about online and putting her own thoughts forward in certain aspects that she found interesting and favourable to whoever she was with.

when she came up with the idea of hosting her very own podcast, in the middle of a housewarming party for one of her friends, she was excited to have a platform where she could let her own thoughts be freed yet she was also terrified it wouldn't take off and that she'd make it to a respectful ten episodes before she gave in and decided it wasn't something that the world needed.

when her first episode came out, she had asked james marriott to be her very first guest. one of her best friends, someone she had known for a while, someone who she felt comfortable around and gave her the space to speak freely without making her feel judged. allowing him to promote his new album as well as allowing them to discuss all kinds of musical knowledge from who their favourite bands were and who he would love to open for on a world tour.

and it took off.

earning herself over half a million views in the passing of one day, a lot of youtube subscribers who were offering their own suggestions on the different guests she could have and the more positivity she saw, the more she read, the more excited she was to continue.

she had herself a sweet studio; big beanbags instead of chairs, with a blanket draped over the back of each one and a decorative pillow that was there for added comfort and matched the colour scheme of the whole room, with shelves nailed to the wall full of relatable objects and images that fit her branding - images of her friends, her podcast name in neon lights and a few faux plants that hung low. it was just a simple setup but it felt homely and that was the vibe she had planned from the very beginning.

"good morning, good afternoon or good evening, depending on when you're checking in. i'm yn and welcome back to the one and only podcast on youtube dot com where we just sit and talk shit for an hour," she grins widely at the camera, cosying back into the beanbag beneath her and crossing her legs, hand holding the microphone to her lips, "today, we're joined the king of 90 day fiancé. it's mister arthur television."

"hello, hi."

he gives the camera a short wave and smiles widely, already having cosied himself down in a similar manner to the way yn was sitting in her beanbag, their shoes (both a sucker for comfort and choosing their air force 1's over any other trainer) kicked off aimlessly onto the rug in the middle of the room and left in a heap, his jacket draped over the back of his seat.

"thank you for having me," he looks in her direction, "this is definitely one of my favourite sets i've ever been on. it feels so homey and wholesome."

"i tried to base it on what my bedroom back home used to look like as a teenager," she giggles softly, looking over her shoulder and flicking on the orb lamp that was placed on a shelf above their heads for a bit of additional lighting to fit the ambience of the room, "i was such a tumblr girl growing up, i think it shows."

"i was gon'a say," he laughs and she rolls her eyes in his direction, "it feels very nice. very comforting. especially with the blankets."

"my nana knitted them for me," yn states, "just for this podcast. she's an avid listener, my number one fan, ."

"really?"

"no. i'm kidding," yn laughs softly and he looks across to her, "i don't think she really gets the whole podcast thing, to be honest. she's only just started to understand the whole youtube thing, bless her. she's a sweet soul and i love her but she's so innocent when it comes to all things technological."

"you should use that story more," arthur insists and adjusts himself in the seat as he felt himself sliding down into a slouch, "it adds more story to the setup. it's cute."

"i'll tell her you said that. she'll love it," yn giggles, 'but, anyway. you, arthur frederick, are one of my most requested guests to appear on my podcast."

arthur's eyes widened and he can feel the heat covering his cheeks as he looks across to her, microphone still held tight to his lips, hoping it hid the shy smile that grew on his lips.

"seriously. i had people practically spamming me on twitter to get you on here," she explains and looks at the camera, "you're a loved man, aren't you?"

"i guess i am," he admits shyly, "people are also asking me and isaac to get you on the bach and arthur podcast. close second to george."

"we'll have to make that happen," yn grins widely, "the viewers would love that crossover. chaos crew and little ol' me."

"i think you'd fit in perfectly," he says, "at least i'll have someone on there that appreciates my facts and interesting tidbits of information. it gets lost amongst them. they're not so intelligent when it comes to you and i."

she snorts and shakes her head, dropping her eyes down to her lap before she looks back up; he wasn't lying, truth be told. she was no stranger to being in a conversation with him, at parties and at events both of them were attending, that involved exchanged fact after fact after fact with each other, hours passing by as they discussed nature topics and the newest piece of information to do with outer space and all the theories coming from online.

with the hour closing in, she didn't want the conversations to end. and she knew, in the back of her mind, that she needed him back on her podcast for another episode because he understood her. and she understood him. and their talks flowed effortlessly with no need for extra encouragement from those around them in the room.

he was an interesting man and she wanted more.

both personally and for her podcast.

--

anyone else getting heart eye vibes from the two of them???

yn was in her element for this episode!!

arthur being on this podcast just made my day. we need more of the two of them!!!

the way there was no silence at all this entire episode. conversations flow between these two.

the two of them are the same person, i swear.

without a doubt, arthur is the male version of yn. that's adorable.

its like the universe copied and pasted their personalities into two people of the opposite genders. that's so cute!!

--

"the podcast episode was a hit thanks to you."

yn surprises him and made him jump as she approached him at the bar, his figure turning from where he was stood with his back to her so he could pull her in for a hug, and she grins up at him before her own arms wrapped around his waist. a sex on the beach cocktail held tight in her hand and she was careful not to spill it down the back of his shirt.

"i was wondering where you were," he says and lets go of her to pick up his beer that had been placed on the bartop, "when you texted me to say you were coming to chris' birthday drinks, i knew i had to come and find you when you arrived."

"looks like i beat you to it," she says and she takes a sip of her drink through the straw, "people loved the two of us together on there."

"yeah?"

she nods quickly.

"i'm pretty sure it was the best episode to date. figures wise," she says and he grins widely, looking over her shoulder and seeing a free table in the corner of the room, using his head to indicate for her to look at where he was looking, "i'm gon'a need you to feature again, for sure."

she turns on her heels and wiggles her way through the crowd, the feeling of his hand resting on the base of her back driving her insane as she set her drink down on the table and hopped up on the stool, watching as he did the same.

"i'm not keeping you from chris, am i?"

"no, he's about to hop on the karaoke with isaac," arthur cackles out loud and looks over his shoulder at where his two friends were arguing over the song book, "i'm too sober for that at the moment so I can't think of anything worse right now."

"you're not one of those party poopers, are you?"

"no," he shakes his head, "i just need to be almost blackout drunk in order to belt out my lungs really, really poorly."

"i think i need to get some shots in you then because i really need to see that tonight." xx

[mixelation]

i've been reading heavenly tyrant (the sequel to iron widow by xiran jay zhao). thoughts after finishing the first part below the cut.

note my impression is mostly critical so far, and so clicking will reveal negativity. i assume most people have control over their own ability to gauge if they can handle this or not, but i've been proved wrong before

bullet points:

i feel the writing has improved on a structural level, but frequently veers into strange twitter-esque rants about the evils of capitalism? and often there are very first draft vibes to descriptions

there is a scene-- i shit you not-- where zetian accuses qin zheng (a legendary emperor who was frozen for 200 years that zetian woke up) of treating her like he owns her, and then makes a quip about how a guy who's against private property shouldn't be like that. qin zheng then replies-- i shit you not-- by explaining the difference between private and personal property. then he says something like "i have to go reform the education system" and leaves. i choose to believe this is a joke for my own sanity, but it is genuinely unclear

one of my complaints about iron widow is that the last 2/3-ish of the book seem to lack focus because zetian doesn't really have a specific goal, she's just doing stuff. in the first third of this installment, she spends 85% of her time confined to a single room. so now she doesn't seem to have much of a goal (she keeps talking about learning how qin zheng became powerful, taking that power, and killing him... but it's unclear why she wants to do this or what she thinks will happen if she succeeds) AND she's not even doing stuff.

i do like qin zheng more than shimin or yizhi. probably because he is the only one in this book making any sort of decisions. that being said, his ~toxic situationmance~ with zetian isn't... like... fun? they just don't like each other

if you liked yizhi or shimin then bad news!!!! they're barely here!!!! i didn't really care so i'm having fun with this new guy. how are you going to uplift the common man but live in a palace, new guy? hmm?

also zetian has gone from "ridiculous but fun to watch break things" to just like. unlikeable. it's to the point where it's hard to feel bad for her because some of her problems really do feel like they wouldn't exist if she was just, like, polite.

ANOTHER complaint i had about iron widow was that there was too much telling instead of showing. i felt this had improved a little with heavenly tyrant, as we see zetian actually attempting positive interactions with women (one of her repeatedly stated goals in the first book was wanting to help girls, and yet we barely saw her give a shit about any individual woman) and the narrative actually gives itself enough room to have zetian and qin zheng interact. however qin zheng keeps giving speeches about new policies he's going to use to fix society and folks, we have not been shown all these societal problems. like at all. there's medical debt? educational debt? no named character has these problems. i did not know these problems existed in this society before this speech.

also his big plans really do read like a 16 year old on tumblr making up an imaginary government based on some posts they read and 0 real world experience. slay

a lot of the reviews on storygraph complain it's too slow but honestly i read the first ten chapters really quickly because like. what is happening here. we'll see if anything manages to happen in the next part

[soft-pine]

you're one of the few gay dean truthers i trust because you are also very much a "he's not repressed he's closeted" truther (which is just personally not an interpretation i vibe with)

soooo many gay dean truthers (not you) want him to be unaware of his attraction to men until like. Late Late seasons, and it's really hard with me to agree with those takes because i think he figured it out For Sure in season 4-5 at the earliest and season 8 at the latest, if he wasn't already aware of his attraction pre-series. so thank u for being a dean is closeted truther and a gay dean truther.

NBHDKILJEDBHKEJ sorry if this is a weird ask

hi anon! this is so interesting to me! i'm still piecing together some of the difference between spn twt and tumblr cultures.... all my gay dean twitter (rip) besties were arguing in the trenches for closeted but not repressed dean!

i haven't seen much from repressed til late seasons dean gay dean people - but i believe you that they're out there and prolly more prevalent!!

but yeah that's crazy given that he has on purpose, intentionally, consciously, on camera tried to test the waters / shoot his shot with multiple men by like season 4...

i mean i guess it goes along with the people who for some reason think he's oblivious about all his feelings and thoughts and desires or something... despite the reams of evidence that he is acutely aware of each tiny needle of his feelings and every prick of the impossibility of his desires and he's constantly trying to move through the world without becoming a pincushion of open wounds.

i personally kinda think he might have taken a bit to figure out he's gay not bi (for a complicated set of reasons that has NOTHING AT ALL to do with the fact that that was my sexuality experience and i see some similarities there!!! haahahahha)

but yeah i very much think he's aware of his attraction to men from like before the pilot... from like before lee... from like...

anyway not a weird ask at all!!! i actually love talking about dean so much so

[sneppu]

Thoughts on the Sneep fandom itself (not Sneep thoughts, but rather thoughts about thoughts about the Sneep thoughts)

ah but the truth is that The snapetwt is offputting to me, its so different from The Sneep environment here on tumblr or on bluesky. I think its because people on there are The Youths™ and they come across as just?? oddly overaggressive about literally everything to me? even if they probably arent at all! but my not-great-at-reading-tone ass sees all the yelling and hyperbole and it flags The Conflict alarm in my brain and im just like... everyone is scary. But to be fair its not unique to The Sneep side of it, it seems true for most of the hp fandom on twt it seems? or maybe just twitter in general (though i dont feel the ff7 fandom was like this??) idk. also I dont like how often I see reposted art and the like; sometimes its credited, but in a way where it doesnt actually help find the artist? like bro, say the site they're on at LEAST. I also highly doubt they've gotten permission to repost to begin with but thats a whole other can of worms But here on tumblr (and also bluesky) everything is calm, for the most part. I feel like a simple farmer, tending to a harvest of Sneeps, whom I've planted for the village, and every once in a while, someone comes by and takes a Sneep. twitter is like a crowded market full of yelling, agitated people, and theres Sneeps, but you are likely to die 5000 times on the way to the Sneep. its what it feels like at least. But an exception is the eastern Sneep fandom, where people are calm and post their Sneeps and muse about silly little Sneep things. somehow, despite the language barrier, I've felt more drawn to interact with the Korean Sneep Fandom than I have with the the general western Sneep fandom.

uhhh basically:

twitter is shitty, I know this

BUT ff7 twitter has been mostly very peaceful for me always

BUT BUT ff7 twitter - at least in the circles im in - has an older fanbase on average

ALSO korean sneep twitter is also very calm and enjoyable

CONCLUSION: its a western youth thing (does check out with other things ive noticed in general)

ALSO CONCLUSION: hp twt specifically, seems more prone to this, a lot of it seems to come from mstans i think?

VERDICT: the environment doesnt really vibe with me at all, and it all seems so exhausting. I'm glad I found my little niche in korean Sneep twt bc my god, I'd be so cooked otherwise.

[puckpocketed]

hi!! just got into the nhl this season and was so excited to see you’re also from australia! i’m from melbourne not canberra but do u have any basic info/pointers for the league? i have no clue where to start lol

WOAH cool !! welcome <3 uhhh not sure if this is what you meant but I searched my heart and there were a lot of personal opinions

if new to RPF, please see this primer post. VERY much see it if you're coming from twitter/X. Also: you do not have to be into RPF to hang out. I hang out and I'm not an rpf warrior <3 That's all I got for RPF, you have asked the wrong blog if you want RPF advice.

This got really long and pretty serious! see you under the cut

Australia-specific

West coast teams are your friends, they're gonna play at the most watchable hours and tbh they have cooler jerseys and logos lol

Like you can choose an east coast team (I follow a few!) but it's rough out there

For good vibes and to keep your sanity intact

idk if you're a tumblr regular but i think this goes for any fan space: give the energy you want to get. lurking is fine too! but if you wanna make friends and talk to people, start interacting with them in lb tags and team tags.

for instance: like/comment/reblog posts -> compliment their art/gifs/web weaves/crafts. if you think someones lb joke is funny, tell them (add to it even!). you cannot sit on an island and never reach out and expect people to want to know you. Not saying you gotta fake anything, and blogging should not be a chore, just be genuine when interacting with people

I'm not gonna say there aren't cliquey, exclusionary spaces on here. there are. personally, I don't think they're worth your time. if you feel you've got to jump through hoops to be part of an in-group, if there are jokes no one will explain or if you're simply not vibing with them, just leave and find other people

Dip in and out of tags, find a team that compels you even if there aren't a lot of people around in the tag, find a guy and post about him. get silly, don't gatekeep, love your guy loud, be as weird as you want, you'll find your people

if you aren't already, get comfortable blocking people/filtering tags. it's not mean, it's not about taking moral high ground, it doesn't mean you hate them (and someone blocking you doesn't necessarily mean they hate you either). it's to keep your peace. if I didn't block xreader and gossip blogs I'd have a much worse experience finding posts in my team tags, and if anyone has ME blocked it is not my business! peace and love on planet earth

this is probably a bit specific to me but being mutuals with people doesn't matter. talk with them, have fun with them, make friends regardless of following/follower status. there are no rules + that shit isn't real. I am friends with people I'm not mutuals with (our blogging interests vary -> I don't expect all my friends to be interested in my 15 different teams) idgaf and i think you shouldn't either. i don't recommend auditing peoples blogs for mutual/following status <- not good for the soul!!

in the same vein: numbers aren't real. do not concern yourself with them. to borrow a phrase from that primer I linked: build community instead of clout. if you sat there and analysed tags + popular posts for some kind of pattern, you'd probably come up with some kind of formula for Doing Numbers but I don't think you'd have a lot of fun

regarding liveblogging and the outcome of games: it aint that serious. it really aint that serious. if you're spiralling, becoming abjectly miserable, just posting wall to wall venom/despair/kms/kys stuff... idk i think it's fine to just take a step back and chill. I really don't wanna tell anyone how to express themselves as a fan (and i have indulged in my fair share of despairposting) but you did ask Me and... having been in/seen some really nasty spaces, I truly think they're a bad time in large doses. if that's how you have fun then don't let me stop you, but if it legit sucks -> hit da bricks etc. There are better ways to spend your energy.

On bad hits/checking, fighting, general dangerous play

We're verging into My Personal Philosophy territory here, so leave now/take what you will from it.

Every team has goons. bar none, every team is gonna have players that hit hard, and hit to hurt others. That's NHL ice hockey.

Even the players who play "clean" are fine with being on the same team as players who play with intent to injure/play recklessly/target existing injuries. no matter what any of them say in media while condemning bad hits, they're always fine when they're on the other side of it and it's their teammate taking someone out.

My favourite player could deliver horrible check tomorrow, and my other favourite players on the team wouldn't bat an eye. Their teammate could deliver a season-ending, knee-on-knee hit tomorrow, and they'd probably still be loyal to + close friends with that guy. could say that everyone is complicit and to them it's just the game

I'm not telling you that you can't feel angry/sad/however you feel when someone gets hurt (normal to feel emotions!! feel them!) just that I try my best to remember all this when hitting discourse comes up, and it's how I keep sane while following multiple teams who want to kill each other

in the end it's on you how much you want to take these things to heart + hold grudges after bad hits! Hold your grudge forever if you want!

Personally: I will always condemn bad hits/dangerous play no matter where it comes from, but I try to let go of grudges quickly and never wish for retribution/escalation.

I truly believe that ongoing enmity + escalating violence in an effort to "self-police" between teams makes the game more dangerous for everyone on the ice, more so for the most vulnerable players -> smaller players. star players. already injured players who will get targerted. the honour code is MADE UP and players break the "code" constantly in search of retributive justice

The NHL will break your heart -> Hockey is bigger than the NHL.

Decide boundaries/limits for your self when it comes to player and org politics and morals. Your players and your teams will inevitably do something wack. There are a LOT of NHLers with shitty politics. There are a LOT of skeletons in closets.

Again, it's up to you how much you want to engage with that and how you handle it, but I would recommend not taking every tiny infraction to heart. I would recommend not persistently purity-checking yourself, players, or other bloggers, and not letting others do this to you.

if you're looking for a morally pure team or player to support, you're gonna run out of players quick. if you see a team or player has done something shitty and feel tempted to say "well, MY team/player would never [do shitty thing/hold conservative politics]" remember, without exception: they might have, or they would, or one day they will, or they are happily friends and teammates with people who have.

NHL hockey will never love you back. it is not a person, it does not have feelings. There absolutely are well-meaning, progressive individuals within the league. but the majority of the power belongs to people who have profit first in their minds.

If it suits them and their bottom line, if they see that it's not worth the trouble to look "woke" anymore, they'll pull the rug out from under us (see: pride jerseys) <- imo it's great when progress is made and we should celebrate it and encourage it, but I'm never forgetting that.

No matter how bad you feel after a player says something fucked up, or after a team does something awful, and no matter how many doomposts you read after something terrible comes to light, remember that there IS hockey outside of the NHL.

Hockey is so much bigger than the NHL, and you'll have much better luck finding orgs/players/leagues that embody "hockey is for everyone" and whose politics align closer with yours if you look outside of it. Euro leagues, your local rec league, WOMEN'S ICE HOCKEY. literally anywhere. if there were a kind of hockey that could love you back, you'd find it outside of the NHL

Not to get extra serious but if you genuinely can't find a space where you feel welcome, where you feel embraced and seen, you might have to make it yourself, chief ! There are probably people around you who feel similarly and the solution is always to help each other, be in community, and build something better than what you found.

Closing thoughts

I started this as a silly answer but I realised I have a lot of thoughts about it all, I'm sorry if this isn't the kind of advice you were looking for. I thought about it and I wrote what I genuinely believe in and would like others coming into the space to know. If we never speak again I hope you're well and hope you have fun! <3

[wolfofcelestia]

How the boys would meet me irl

Sylus

I've said before that it would be easy for him to insert himself into my life and now that I have crows following me in at least three different places, it would be even easier for him

All he'd have to do is send Mephisto to watch me from a distance. Having a crow nearby is no longer something I find weird so as long as he stays far enough that I don't notice that he's a robot, he could easily keep tabs on me and "accidentally" cross paths with me

That, and he'd probably bait me in by selling high quality cheap fruits near my neighbourhood lmao. I've been craving strawberry/blueberry lately and he'd probably put those on sale for me

I think he'd absolutely need to approach me as Skye first though because I probably wouldn't give him the time of day if he approached me with the vibe of Sylus, a tall muscular man with a resting death stare. Skye with a buy one get two free blueberry sale ("but for you, they're on the house") would have a much easier time asking me to meet him after he closes up shop

Zayne

This has always been a question I couldn't answer because in the medical atmosphere of my city as it is, coming across a family doctor who is both compassionate and is taking new patients is like a unicorn that exists for only a single day

Not to mention the years long waits to see a specialist like him

I would have no reason to meet him through the medical field and, for legal reasons, that would probably be for the best

Maybe he'd meet me in a library where I'd be checking out video games instead of books lmao but then we wouldn't be able to talk much

Maybe just in a coffee shop when the new seasonal drinks are out?

Either way, I wouldn't be the one to approach him and unless he has a reason to talk to me, I actually don't see us connecting at all 💀

Rafayel

Surprisingly, he would have the easiest time meeting me because I spend a lot of time on the beach now. I'm actually typing this while sitting on the beach

With his outwardly flirtatious personality and nonthreatening appearance, he might even beat Sylus in how fast he'd pick me up. But that depends on if Raf is able to convince me that he's serious and not just a pickup artist

He'd probably show me a starfish that washed up on the shore and start talking about it or something

Xavier

Honestly, he'd have to meet me somewhere online lmao

Either through a game, on tumblr, by some miracle twitter, or he'd ask to join my gbf crew lmao

I do see him sending me memes and showing me pictures of stars or cutesy star-themed lamps or plushies, and they would absolutely work on me

Imagine napping together on call? Xavier would be THE online boyfriend ahdkshdksh

Caleb

Once upon a time, I did want to be a pilot and I feel like I'd come across Caleb in some way through that. Maybe he responded to one of my questions about flight school on reddit or he'd take a special interest in me when I went in for an orientation session and gave me his contact info if I had more questions... But if I never contact him, he'd probably already found MY contact info by snooping around the admin office and he'd be the one to reach out first

Either way, I feel like he'd definitely support me through flight school emotionally and probably financially too if he hears that I don't have the funds to continue shdksjsksj

How easy the boys would find me and win me over (from easiest to hardest)

1. Rafayel

Which is a BIG surprise but ngl he would definitely have the highest chance at winning me over. Whether or not the other boys swoop in and change my mind is a different story since our personalities are not very compatible. But who knows, maybe he can work with my personality to be the type of guy I can be comfortable with as a lover

2. Sylus

As long as Mephisto doesn't scare away my birds, Sylus would definitely use him to plan his perfect first entrance into my life. As sad as it is, he would absolutely be able to use fruit to win me over lmaooo but also, if he can summon my birds and win over my dog, he would be an instant green flag to me

His underground dealings would take a few months to uncover but I actually don't think he'd hide it. He'd just be very vague about where he got all his money and how he's able to pull strings to get rare items. That rare anime figure that's only sold to VIPs at a high price? You bet your ass he's got one gift wrapped before they even announce it

3. Xavier

Chronically online meets chronically online. The easiest way would be for him to join my gbf crew but yeah, I see no issues with him finding his way to me irl (online)

4. Caleb

It really would depend on how serious I'd want to check out flight school. If I gave up early, I don't think we would meet at all

5. Zayne

I really don't know where we'd meet enough for either of us to take interest in each other tbh

A coffee shop would be the most likely but I mean, talking to strangers in line at a cafe isn't exactly normal here. And I don't think either of us would do that either. It would really depend on him being the more extroverted introvert lmao

[the-smiling-doodler]

What is the difference between twitter and tumblr

there's a lot of differences between them, from community to functionality. we'd be here all week if i listed every single one, so i'm just gonna name a few: 1. the community on tumblr is a lot more chill than the one on twitter. tumblr users HIGHLY encourage curating your own experience, it's basically impossible to be on tumblr for a while without seeing at least one post encouraging you to unfollow/block people you dont vibe with, not respond to hateful asks and block mean anons, and filter tags you dont like. this isn't to say that other apps don't do the same thing, but in my experience, tumblr users are far more vocal about it. it's very ingrained in the app's culture as a whole. linking this back to the SC fandom real quick: I've only been faced with one drama on tumblr, compared to twitter where it seems like every fucking day some new shit pops up. tumblr-exclusive SC fans are largely unaware of any of the crazy shit that goes on on twitter. i keep saying this to my moots but it is genuinely far more peaceful on here than on twitter. 2. tumblr is also more slow-paced than twitter because the character limit on this app is HUGE (4096 characters per text block, and tumblr allows a total of 1000 content blocks per post, meaning that if you use every content block you have exclusively for text, the total character limit is 4,096,000 characters per post. thats like 630154 - 819200 words !! also, reblogs count as their own post, and you can reblog a post a near infinite number of times (ignoring the 250 post limit a day.)), which i think is part of the reason why this app is more chill. it's less stressful, it feels like you can take your time on here. this isn't mentioning that you can attach up to 10 images to a post, making tumblr a better app for both writers and artists compared to twitter. the more you stay on this app, the more you notice that a lot of posts are very long. 3. i've said this on another post of mine (which i really recommend reading if you have the time because i talk a lot about the importance of reblogging posts on tumblr, among other things), but I'll say it here again: while the community on tumblr is more chill, it's also very quiet. a lot of tumblr users have become very passive in their engagement with posts, only liking and never reblogging. in my personal experience, i've found that you get far more engagement and reach on twitter than on tumblr (emphasis on personal experience, because a few of my friends have told me that they actually get more interaction on tumblr than on twitter.) in short: twitter is where you go to get famous, tumblr is where you go to hang out with friends. 4. this point came from my friend @buggyboo-exe, he said: "I'd add the fact that Tumblr allows for more, how do I say, personal interaction? On Twitter sure, you can follow people and see just your follower's posts and everything but Tumblr not only has the ask box, it also gives you the feature to answer those asks privately. I think it's just easier to make friends on Tumblr and actually keep those friends long term than on Twitter. Likely due to the slow paced thing as well. I'm not sure how to explain it better. Tumblr also started the whole "moots" thing I believe so followers are always seen more as friends then anywhere else." I think this point is very solid because, yes, although I think twitter is better in terms of quantity of engagement, tumblr allows for deeper, more personal interaction. a lot of my closest friends on this fandom are ones I've made on tumblr. I feel way more comfortable goofing around and being silly with them publicly on here than on twitter.

5. this is something I wanted to add to the post i linked in point 3 but forgot to, and that is that tumblr is more or less timeless. it's very, very, VERY common to come across posts from as far back as 15 years ago. you basically never see twitter posts ever again if they weren't made this year, but on tumblr? it's not unusual to see a post from 2015 circulating. it's not weird to reblog art or writing from months or years ago. it's also not weird to go through an artist's blog and just reblog/like all their posts in one sitting. (also, reblogging a post means you get to keep a copy of it on your blog forever. meaning that even if a user deletes their blog, or deletes the post itself, as long as you've reblogged it it's never truly gone. reblog your favorite posts if you wanna keep them with you forever!!) 6. tumblr users REALLY stress anonymity. one of the first things i told my twitter mutuals was to PRIVATE YOUR LIKES AND FOLLOWING TABS !! no one wants or needs to see that stuff. this is your personal blog, you're allowed to and even encouraged to keep things about yourself private. it is usually extremely easy to tell who is and isnt a tumblr user, because twitter users tend to: have their likes and following visible, don't have a blog title, dont have a personal blog theme, and only like posts with little to no reblogs.

I'll cut myself off here because this post is getting very long, but yeah, there's a LOTTTT of differences. i hope this answered your question !! and to anyone reading this, feel free to ask me if you have any other questions about being on tumblr. I know a lot of you are new here and i LOVE to yap, so i'd be happy to answer !!

[ridhistory21]

Trailer analysis & helaemond theory-

I am sharing my whole trailer reaction after seeing everyone's opinion on Twitter and Tumblr so read fully before misinterpreting-

firstly lemme clearify that these two pics are not from same scenario. These two are quite different

this girl is not the one in left pic. Scenes are very much different. It's clear she's only in episode 1 as dancer, she is not Alys rivers or anyone else bc I saw many people claiming this stupid theory. This actress kika green already announced this.

Now this pic is very much gives vibes of aemma arryn as she was about to have a small comeback in s2 and this women gives Aemma more than Rhaenyra or Helaena and I seriously don't think this scene is supposed to be some hot sex scene.

It's very much Viserys & Aemma in someone's vision or dream. It can be anyone's vision or dream though whether it's deamon, Rhaenyra or Helaena.

Either it's deamon or someone else old checking on Rhaenyra whether she's fine or not. Or

Lemme prepare myself for worse😭 that it can be blood touching Helaena ( least expected but show runners said it's going to be worse and why least as girl in this looks more Aemma/Rhaenyra than Helaena in ep2 from pics)

I am not a top helaemond shipper, I like Rhaemond more than alysmond and Helaemond but 👀👀👀👀 there are very very slight chance for helaemond just trying to catch the dots from S1 & s2. -

Now again these two can be or very can be not from same scene, I am tired people thinking all these pics are from same scenes as they don't seem to, though they can be🤷🏻‍♀️

this pic of aemond lying in lap of someone can be very much brothel madame as people claim that mark on hands, yes my first reaction was this it has to be her but are we sure that she's the one going to fuck Aemond episode 1 or any other episode as that actress is there for 4 episodes in s2 and this scene can be very much from any episode

this is all what that brothel lady actress Michelle bonnard said about her role in s2 - " But more recently two amazing women, directing on the same series #HouseoftheDragons - the brilliant @clarekilner and @geetavpatel - and working with them, I thought fuck me - I love what these women do... and I got a bit naked. How do I feel about that? Who knows? But I had power, because the world is changing. ". She only said that she got bit naked now that means if -

she is going to have hard core sex with Aemond and Aemond is actually a milf lover

Or she is just warming up Aemond with affection and love who might not be in good mood

or ...... another theory is that is she going to have that kinda scene with only Aemond or someone else because -----

This actor Kieran bew is playing hugh hammer a dragonseed is also gonna be pervert who might be seen in silk Street and she posted alot of pics with him so....🤷🏻‍♀️

If she is for 4 or 5 episodes there then there are many chances to see this actress in alot of scenes of brothel. So that scene with Aemond can be with her in any episode or slight chance that there can be someone else.

Only slight chance why because that hand can belong to anyone, that vein or scar is not giving any extreme clue. Though I very much think it's gonna be that lady anyhow but how it's gonna happen we don't know.

Now why helaemond because just see-

That girl kika green is going to play in episode 1 as dancer and that's only possible for aegon's party for Aemond in cock inn on killing luc and it' almost confirmed that first episode we are going to see them celebrating and it's Aegon so whores are going to be there, him giving Aemond whores to fuck as a gift is very much Aegon thing.

Now my earlier thought was that this new girl is for aegon to get distracted, a plan by mysaria. That's the reason Aegon would be so pathetic as he fucked a random girl instead of staying with his wife and his kids that night. This is what my thought is.

But also they are showing her as such mystery and my question is ---

that why it was specific white haired girl or Valerian blood girl required for aegon because

as we know Aegon in book and show both alot, he is not the one to have valerian girl fantasy. He likes & fucks anyone. Also in the show they said 'his is less discriminating' and he doesn't even like Helaena as lover at all😭,he would fuck any random person any time

so why this white haired girl was bought for aegon or mysaria thought that he is a targ so he might like targ girls also but don't mysaria knows aegon's doing very well ? If we remember S1 ?

now only person who is fond of fucking white haired girls is Daemon and else who--

Now what if Aegon got this girl as gift for Aemond to fuck as Aegon knows Aemond very well and what he likes - what my theory is that initially Aemond is gonna hesitate to celebrate with whores but when Aegon and mysaria present this targ girl infront of him then👀👁️👁️ we might see some action from him. She keeps up Aemond busy. This might led to path that -

Aemond loves to be someone who looks more targ or looks more like Helaena. Just connect the dots now.... Because what was this by hbo itself when shared their pic with all couples ,what was this fr. It really looked sus..... I wasn't a helaemond shipper at all--

I am not saying Helaena's children are of Aemond but aemond might have desire for Helaena or to be with someone like Helaena.

And this girl was really supposed to be helaena from S1😶. So just connect the dots, there are slight chances for helaemond and yes scene with Aemond can be different episodes. My ass connecting all dots but I know in show it might be different.

[badomenslullaby]

as a newbie to BO what exactly’s going on…?

Hello friend! Welcome to the fandom!

Unfortunately, the Bad Omens fan fiction community is experiencing some major drama at the moment. There was a blog, which I have personally talked to a couple of times, that had a lapse in judgment and didn't put trigger warnings on their work. Unfortunately, their story had themes of sexual assault (SA) in it, and since it wasn't adequately tagged, those who have gone through the unfortunate experience of SA (I have as well, so I understand entirely how triggering it is to read about) were met with that surprise in the story. I didn't personally read the story as I have been busy with college, so I haven't been on for a couple of weeks, so I don't have first-hand knowledge of what was written.

This is as far as I know because I have a friend on here who is close to that blog and told me a little bit about it. Different people have different information regarding how the blog reacted, but ultimately, even Twitter was talking about it and was very upset. The blog has been deleted, and now other blogs are getting targeted and harassed because their stories are dark romances. Unfortunately, many people don't understand the appeal of dark romances.

Many people are upset/irritated that my friend didn't speak about it until she was asked and then tried to say she is a terrible person who should disappear. She is a great, kind person. Not everyone needs to make a big statement because no matter what her statement is, she will be attacked. Just because you would have done something differently does not mean it is the correct way.

Here is my advice to you as a new fan: Please have fun with everything. Don't get too invested in how crazy this fandom can be sometimes. Please remember that anytime you feel overwhelmed, take a break from the internet! A majority of this fandom has created parasocial relationships with the band and tends to take things too far when they are angry at us Tumblr girls who create fanfiction. We know we don't know the boys personally, and we only see the side of them that they want us to see. We use the characteristics of who they present themselves as to the public and make fictional stories to provide us with enjoyment in our day-to-day lives. There is nothing wrong with that, and it is okay to enjoy it. It isn't hurting them because we aren't actively trying to get their attention to show them our stories. I have talked it through with my therapist, and she thinks it's a great and healthy outlet for creativity.

Here is my take for those on here who are anonymously being rude: Sending death threats, attacking people, and harassing them until they don't feel comfortable in a safe space they've created is absolutely unacceptable, and you need to grow up. This is Tumblr, not real life. You only feel safe saying things behind a screen and not showing your username because you are cowards. You have the right to feel how you feel. Your feelings are valid, but your actions are not. If you see a fanfiction blog and you don’t like fanfiction, block them. If there’s just a blog that rubs you the wrong way, block them. Let's be real; there is a very popular blog on here that I happen not to vibe with because I don't like their vibes, so I don't interact with them or read their stories. They don't know about me or how I feel, and that is okay because that is my problem, not theirs.

At the end of the day, most of us are grown-ass adults in our 20s, and some are in our early 30s. There is no reason for us to revert back to teenage girls and start a bullying train. We are all too grown for that.

I hope this helped shed some light and I hope you have a good day/night! Don't be shy to stop by again, I am a safe place and love it when people send messages :)

[wishing-stones]

Hihihi i saw your reblog about calcium cat recently and... thank you for that! It was eye opening and confirmed some suspicions i had... and im sorry you dont have to post this ask if you dont want to, i just didnt know where else to go. I don't use tumblr often, very sorry if i am bothering you!

So, i used to be a big fan of calcium cat's, and when i learned from your reblog that she's not someone i want to associate myself with, i remembered that she and topazshadowwolf (someone who wrote some Dadmare and Soriel fics that I liked, i think they're well known in the community but im not sure?) were affiliated with one another, and topazshadowwolf has these two posts on their blog that arent outright queerphobic like calcium cat's posts. i wanted to see what your thoughts were on it as a second opinion because i dont want to judge them too hard, but i also got an icky feeling from these posts that i can't really explain. I dont want to cause trouble for them if they don't deserve it which is why i wanted to ask your opinion on it. And im on anon in case if it really is that bad...

https://www.tumblr.com/topazshadowwolf/738317097192603648/anon-i-am-not-going-to-reply-to-that-ask-i-dont?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/topazshadowwolf/738292724279672832/i-didnt-want-to-say-this-but-its-been-bugging?source=share

Uhmm yeah thats about it. Sorry, you probably dont get asks like this that much, i really just didnt know what to do and didnt see anyone talking about it and thought i was going crazy, i wanted to ask someone. I am a queer person myself and i just felt like these posts were really off but idk why :(((

Sorry this took a bit to get to Anon, I legitimately had no idea who this person was. Also had to grapple with the fact that I'm apparently a big enough figurehead here to ask about discourse? Willlddd to me. I'm not used to this LOL.

Discourse under the cut

The first thing that strikes me as off is the fact that Cal commented on the ask linked in the first post you provided. Don't like that. Openly associating with someone who has been outed as an immensely bigoted trans/homophobe is.... not a good look.

However, in regards to that ask, I agree with some of what they were saying. School is a time to play at discovery, because you rarely remain who you were as a child. It's not a definitive thing. You can be adamant that you're one way in school, and once you leave it an broaden your horizons, you discover that you're another way. This ranges anything from sexualities, gender expression, to religion and belief systems. People grow and change.

As an aside, I don't agree that NM wouldn't support them if they claimed to be different from how they are as adults and wouldn't support them. No context given, but I assume the boys don't remember being adults. This means their growing experiences will be fundamentally different than they were as former adults because they are going through their childhood/adolescence in a wildly different way than they did underground. So constricting them to such a narrow scope seems... disingenuous at best.

Seems a might bit narrow-minded, but I wouldn't go screaming "transphobia" yet. Don't like the "if you feel like I disrespected you, leave" though. The correct response is to ask what you did that made someone feel that way.

Worthy of a side-eye, but unless someone presents solid proof (as with Cal's very damning twitter likes, yuck), bad vibes shouldn't be enough to try to cancel someone. I try to give the benefit of the doubt. I sincerely hope my general faith here is not misplaced.

[frostedpuffs]

considering posting my mlb art publicly for the first time but i am not sure what a good platform for it is. it seems difficult to get engagement on twitter, i don't know how to use instagram for art, and i don't know anything about posting art on tumblr, but i'm wondering what do you think the best platform for it is? or do you recommend just trying them all? i am also afraid of people stealing my work, but that's a completely different problem. 😓

i am going to be honest, tumblr, discord, and ao3 are the only social media I am active on. i tried twitter and Instagram multiple times and always gave up because the algorithms on those sites are downright awful, and the ml fandom on both those sites is, in my experience, quite hostile. I'm not trying to scare you away from posting art there, definitely go for it if you want to (and you may even have better luck than I did) but personally i did not vibe with those sites and find that it's better to share my art with a smaller, more encouraging community

discord and tumblr are my favorite place to post art because of the direct engagement. if you use tumblr, so long as you're tagging your art appropriately, people should see it!

as for fear of reposts...the unfortunate truth about the ml fandom (and most big fandoms in general) is that if you post art and people like it...it is most likely going to be reposted to other sites (and sometimes even the same site) without credit. it doesnt feel great, but if your art does get reposted, you have three options: file DMCA claims/report each piece of stolen art, ask the reposter to take it down, or just kind of ignore it. i used to be the first option, and the second, but eventually became the third because in my experience, no matter how many times you say "do not repost," even if you plaster it all over your artwork...people do not listen. so the most I do these days is ask for credit/request people do not monetize my art when they repost it.

i'd say you can try as many sites as you want until you find one or two that sticks/works best for you. i definitely recommend you join some miraculous ladybug focused discord servers and share your art there, as well as share it here on tumblr. if you are in my discord server, it is a very encouraging community which i am sure would love to see your artwork! if not and you want to join, here is the link. no pressure to join if you are not comfortable though!

and hey!! everyone has to start somewhere! i totally understand feeling nervous about posting art (I still am, and there are still some art pieces I've made that I've not posted bc of it) but I am sure people in the fandom would love to see your artwork!!

[riseofthecommonwoodpile]

how do you find so much music to listen to? i don't have any friends who like music as much as i do, so i end up getting all my recs from tumblr, but i feel like i'm perpetually lagging behind all my cool mutuals. also, i feel like it takes me a long time to listen to an album and form a conclusive opinion on it, but you seem like you can knock that shit out super fast (remembering that music rating project u did). any tips for broadening my library? thank u and have a great day

This has been in here forever but i never took the time to answer it, i'm sorry! Hopefully belated is better than not at all

Long story short, it's one of those things where the more music you listen to, the more you find to listen to, so once you get to a certain point it's a bit of a self-perpetuating thing. That said, i do have some tips, and a lot of them will be really basic but i'm writing this more as a general thing for people who want to listen to more / different music but don't know where to start:

something that really helps (and especially helped when i was first getting suuuuuper into music listening and criticism as a main hobby of mine (i used to write actual full length reviews instead of the tiny capsules i do on twitter lol)) is just lists! As bullshit as stuff like Rolling Stone's "500 Greatest Albums of All Time" or the p4k decade lists are, they're undoubtably great overviews of things from the perspective of each outlet that puts them out, and i definitely only got into certain bands or albums because they were canonized in some way or another. plus, if one outlet's lists seem to vibe with you consistently well (for example, Tiny Mix Tapes' decade and year end lists are so very much my shit that i'd listen to almost everything on them) you can follow that site and see what they're reviewing and liking now (RIP TMT for many reasons but losing this especially from them was a bummer for me)

in addition, more narrow lists are great for if you want to get into something specific but don't know where to start. a lot of times, if i want to check out a specific genre but don't know anything about it, i'll check out the RYM "top 5" of whatever that genre is (RYM has its own clear biases and limitations, but especially for smaller microgenres i find it a super helpful starting point) or i'll literally just google "best reggaton albums of all time" or something similar and check out the albums everyone is recommending. canonization is problematic, but by looking into what the majority of people have come to call the best of a certain style or genre or period of time can give you an idea of what the tropes and characteristics of something are, and you can branch out from there if you see yourself digging at least parts of it.

from there, once i have a good starting point, i will both look up smaller / more personal lists (individual people's "best of" lists are always way more interesting than ones multiple people voted on because there's nearly always a curveball or two) and dive deep on both "suggested" similar bands as well as looking into the label or people they made music with, other projects by the same creators, etc., and that can get you quickly off the mainstream road and into fun little sidestreets.

then, last but not least, i will literally just search bandcamp or a music torrent site (by which of course i mean a place where you completely legally buy music and never pirate it) for a specific tag or genre or year and download the ones with covers i like lol. this is way more likely to lead you to mediocre or bad music, but like, that fairy pop album by diana starshine i loved last year i found exactly by searching for i think "hyperpop" on bandcamp. i saw the cover, liked it, checked out a few tracks, and voila. it's shallow and doesn't pay off all the time, but honestly it's been surprisingly successful for me in the past (except when it comes to post 00's j-pop, for some reason many of the best j-pop album covers contain some of its blandest music).

idk if any of that helps but yeah