#i feel like it relates to gradual changes over time that i've experienced

[thekagepro24]

A comically tall tree that I could see out of my window across the street had recently gotten chopped down. I'd stared at it for a couple of years now and admired its unique shape, so its absence brings about an empty feeling in me. Yet for some reason, the more and more I glance out of my window and see the blank space the tree had always preoccupied, the more and more I start to think there wasn't any tree there to begin with. Even though I have photos of the tree, even though I can physically prove it was there, my memories feel like they're being overwritten with what I see today.

I have gotten used enough to its presence to miss it, and used enough to its absence to forget it, and that contradiction baffles me.

[sweet-hearts-and-destiny-knots]

Hi! I’ve been following you for a while now (since before you started working on sisterhood). I love the concept you have for Sisterhood a lot. I’m just curious about what shippings you like since I feel like I know some of them but not all of them (and I know how shipping can change over time). If you feel like talking about them, I would love to hear about them!

I've accumulated a vast assortment of pairings the past several years, particularly due to being a multishipper (but not a polyshipper-). However, for each protagonist there is usually what a friend of mine refers to as an "endgame" love interest: the one who I feel resonates with her personality most.

For example, the pairings related to Leaf are Conflictingshipping (Green/Blue x Leaf) and LeafStoneshipping (Brock x Leaf). The former is the "endgame" pairing for her. As for the latter, I actually concocted the name myself.

(There are a number of pairings I've been left with the solemn duty of bestowing a name upon, in actuality-).

An additional detail to keep in mind is, for anyone else who may be reading; the ages of several characters are altered in the universe of Sisterhood, meaning everyone involved, including the female protagonists, is a young adult.

Kotone, her "endgame" pairing is SoulSilvershipping (Silver x Kotone). Silver is truly the only person she has a romantic relationship with, although he is rather prone to experiencing jealousy when other male characters, such as Hibiki(Ethan) and Morty, are in her presence.

Haruka also has two paths of romance before her in the forms of HoennChampionshipping (Steven x Haruka) and NewRivalshipping (Wally x Haruka). What can I say? She has a type, and it's nerds. Haruka couldn't care less about the former's status and money, and she isn't so shallow that his looks would instantly capture her heart.

Hikari has no love interests to speak of in Sinnoh, but under the alias of Akari while in Hisui, she has quite a few options! Wieldershipping (Volo x Akari) and BrilliantDiamondshipping (Adaman x Akari) are the main contenders, but additionally... I also am somewhat partial to CandyTruffleshipping (Melli x Akari), for humor related reasons.

Ferriswheelshipping (N x Touko) is Touko's "endgame" pairing. Similarly to Kotone, she has no other love interests. However, Cheren does harbor romantic feelings for her during the course of Black and White's main game before eventually moving on and finding happiness with Bianca.

Technically, Mei has two and a half love interests? Initially, LiveCastershipping (Curtis x Mei) was intended to be the "endgame" pairing for her, but I gradually grew more and more fond of Hue and his one-sided affections. And to elaborate on the "two and a half love interests", Kyouhei(Nate) is sort of one, but... it's... it's complicated.

Serena is another protagonist who has a sole pairing associated with her, which is Kalosshipping (Calem x Serena). And yet, I also can't consider Calem her "endgame" love interest. I don't dislike him, but... he's lacking a certain je ne sais quoi. So perhaps Legends: Z-A may introduce Serena to her perfect beau?

Despite how frequently she teases and torments him, Mizuki's main love interest is Gladion. Although I do also enjoy some Malasadashipping (Hau x Mizuki) on the side. Regardless of whether their relationship is platonic or romantic, Hau is an important part of Mizuki's life in Alola now.

Gloria has two tsundere boys battling for her attention and affection. Not that Bede and Avery would admit this without raising a fuss. I haven't yet decided which will be her "endgame" love interest, so I suppose DressedInPinkshipping (Bede x Gloria) and Barriershipping (Avery x Gloria) will also be competing for my approval!

Juliana has the most love interests out of all the protagonists thus far! A grand total of four! HerbaMysticashipping (Arven x Juliana), Dipplinshipping (Kieran x Juliana), Tracksuitshipping (Drayton x Juliana) are the primary pairings, but Grusha does occasionally show interest in the academy's Book Wurmple as well.

There are also various pairings in Sisterhood which don't involve the female protagonists. Some include the male protagonists, such as Red possibly becoming a couple with Misty, while others are composed of non-player characters, one of my favorites being Surveyshipping (Laventon x Cyllene). The professor and captain are married in this universe, as a matter of fact!

And because the world of Pokémon is always expanding, this means there should always be more pairings! Legends: Z-A is soon to be upon us, after all! But hopefully not too soon.

[rainbowsky]

Hey RS!

This is not related to GGDD but I wanted to ask, what one thing you would take with you to 2023? and what would you leave behind in 2022?

Happy new year in advance to you! 🌟

Hi Anon,

Thanks for the question, I like this one!

What I'd like to leave behind

I think the thing I'd most like to leave behind in 2022 is the isolation and paranoia I developed during the pandemic. Of course the pandemic is far from over, but I feel like so many years of worrying about health and safety - and feeling incredibly uncomfortable around other people - has taken a negative toll on my life. I'd like to find a way to be comfortable integrating myself back into society a bit more. Step by step.

Somehow I managed to get through 3 years of the pandemic (and counting) without ever contracting covid, and that was due in part to my tendency to self-isolate long before there was a pandemic.

I tend to be a rather introverted, reclusive person even at the best of times, and was actually totally relieved during the pandemic to be able to live my life relatively normally without the constant pressure to go places and do things around other people, which I've felt burdened by for most of my life. It was actually nice to be able to feel like my perspective on all that was normal for a change!

For a long time I didn't feel like I was losing out on much because of the pandemic. If anything, I had gained a lot. Being able to now do a lot of things remotely that we used to have to do in person, for example, feels like such a gift. But gradually I came to realize that the extreme isolation I was experiencing was having a very negative impact on me.

I remember at one point my partner said despairingly, "It's going to take years to get you back out into the world!" and I don't think he's wrong. It will likely take me a year or two to be back where I was before, maybe even longer depending on how things go with the new variants and the progress of the disease.

In any case, that's what I want to leave behind. Let's see if the universe lets that happen... 😅

What I'd like to bring with me

I actually finished writing the first section a long time ago, but it's taken me many days to reflect on what I want to bring with me. And really the answer was staring me in the face all along.

I want to bring with me into 2023, GG and DD and my love for them. Not only has being a turtle really enriched my life in many ways, both of those boys are so inspiring to me.

They make me want to do more and put myself out there more, and to live a better and happier life. They make me want to learn more about the world and about places and cultures that I'm not familiar with. They make me want to love and be loved more.

More than anything, I just enjoy them and I'm charmed by their unique personalities and approaches. I am captivated by their intense, sweet, chaotic, bickery, sometimes dirty-minded, always deeply loving rapport.

I cheer for them, and for all queer people everywhere. I want what's best for them. I want them to be happy, healthy and free. I want them to know how much of a difference they make in other people's lives, and how much they inspire people who care about love, compassion and self-actualization.

They have brought a lot of good friends, good feelings and good experiences into my life, so I'm definitely bringing them with me everywhere I go.

I appreciate this question. It was a valuable bit of self-reflection for me. I encourage everyone to reflect on these questions going into this new year.

I hope all of you have a wonderful 2023, and that we all see positive change in the world in the coming months. 💖

[drdemonprince]

is it (internally too I guess) transphobic of me to be cautious dating someone who just started transitioning?

I don't want my opinions and preferences on how femmes look to be a factor as a tme non-binary femme. I don't want or need her to change herself (or not!) in a certain way, to be clear; I just assume that attraction can fluctuate for both of us and she is the kind of person to take relationships seriously quite quickly. can't tell if I'm overthinking it.

if that's too specific and/or obviously fucked up (I'm honestly not sure) I'm super sorry. my gender presentation stuff is a hornet's nest I am not addressing as nothing helps so I'm really happy for her.

thanks for reading

I think this is actually a really lovely and conscientious question and that your fears are reasonably founded!

The early years of transition are quite emotionally perilous for people and they try our romantic relationships quite heavily; there's a reason I've seen prominent trans people on Twitter claiming that you should end your relationship the moment you come out and begin to transition. I don't fully agree with that advice, but I think a lot of people who try to bluster through an existing relationship while transitioning do end up living to regret it, myself included. I tried to transition gradually to make all the shifts bearable for my partner and me, but that only fomented resentment and insecurity on my end and complete bafflement about how far this was all gonna "go" on my ex's end and ultimately it just meant we drifted apart painfully over the course of years instead of swiftly. it wasn't pretty.

During the first couple of years of transition, people try on all kinds of new styles and presentations, explore new sexual roles, try on different mannerisms, join new friend groups, adopt new self-narratives and frames on past events, and much more. And it's also an incredibly vulnerable time in terms of physical safety out in public AND emotional safety in bearing one's evolving self to close loved ones, and even the slightest reaction from another person can have massive ripple-effects on how we view ourselves and the 'success' of our transitions for a long period afterward.

I think it's very wise and appropriate for you to be concerned that your own reactions to your partner's transition might unduly influence them! I have seen T4T couples with bad boundaries erupt into chaos over this kind of thing in so many ways.

Sometimes the babier trans in the relationship molds herself too much on her more seasoned partner's transition and personal style. Other times, the babier trans leans heavily on the more experienced trans partner for advice and psychological transition related doula-ing, leaving the more experienced trans partner feeling used (Casey Plett has a lot of short stories about this dynamic! check out A Dream of a Woman for a story about a trans girl who becomes disillusioned with her cute, sweet, perfectly supportive cis boyfriend the moment she realizes he isn't so cis, and then ends things). I've even seen trans-trans couples break up in a hail of drama and abuse accusations, all because one partner was triggered by the (misgendering kink) porn preferences of the other partner.

There are so many ways to be trans, and each one of us who has been trans for a while has a lot of strong opinions about the subject. Even if in theory we support the body autonomy and self-expression of every other trans person, in practice we come to relationships with a mess of dysphoria triggers, trauma responses, aesthetic preferences, medical know-how, load-bearing neuroses, and sexual role hang ups to bear, and sometimes when our existing soft spots bash up against a newly-transitioning person's raw wounds, it hurts everybody.

I think it might be easier for you to know this newly-out trans person as a friend than as a romantic partner at this time. It sounds like your gut is telling you something like that, too. You mentioned that she gets attached very quickly. She's in a really open, raw position right now and will probably need a lot of support as she transitions, and she might also be really desperate for approval and for feelings of safety because of it too. And you're not bad or transphobic for wanting to avoid getting wrapped up in all that.

I think it's really big of you to recognize you have your own hang-ups and that they might unconsciously influence her and how her transition goes, too. a lot of trans people don't interrogate how their own expectations and baggage might radiate into their partners (for instance, a lot of TME nonbinaries with trans femme partners pressure those partners into staying masculine to some degree, and keeping their penises sexually available to them for penetration, and it's really harrowing and traumatic). I don't get the vibe you're the type to do anything like that and I don't even know if you're TME, but you get the idea. Trans people aren't inherently pure, we hurt one another and turn one another into symbols of what we desire and what we fear and what's hurt us when really we should be regarding each other as distinct people.

It's fine to not want to date someone newly transitioning. Do you know how many gay people I've met who've said they'll never date newly out or questioning people again? A ton! Being with someone who is newly out requires a lot of patience and emotional caretaking, and some people have no taste for that or aren't equipped to do it, and that's fine. I'd be disinclined to date someone newly out for the most part too, at least if they were also trans masc. I'd be too afraid of accidentally punishing them for reminding me of my earlier self, and that's not fair.

[blackcrowing]

hello! I may actually have some irish experiences to relate to for this (https://www.tumblr.com/blackcrowing/732613569740488704/i-was-wondering-if-you-would-be-so-kind-as-to?source=share) anon!

I've also been "casually" polytheistic for the past five years or so. I wasn't ever inclined to have a patron or what have you, and when asked who my choice would be I would probably say Brigid, just because I like her a lot.

over the past year or so I've been experiencing varied phenomena and felt drawn to something I couldn't properly identify. I also felt like someone out there really wanted my attention and favor (poor wording but you get the idea!) but for the longest time I didn't know what.

what helped me was first identifying what felt right, like you said in your original response :] I started taking note of changes and feelings I was having and started narrowing down the list over the months. for example, I determined early on that this presence was masculine. the important distinction is that it wasn't a fatherly vibe he was putting out, but an equal one, as if he recognized me as more of a platonic companion than of a child.

I also began to think about myself and my connection to the world around me. how the world and my person seemed to overlap, if that makes sense. I began to identify more with the sea, and grew a kind of sentimental connection with water. specifically the atlantic ocean, since that's where I grew up close to.

after that it was just a matter of what felt right. it came very naturally to me at a certain point, and after I settled on an answer, I just felt peaceful. there were no fireworks or anything but I haven't the urge to think about it much more since. taking that as a sign that I got it right, hopefully

This is a really great example of how gradual it can be!

I know many Morríghan followers can say exactly when they started working with her, but I can't, I don't have a light bulb moment. like you said it was very much a narrowing down of possibilities until you figure out that they've basically been staring you in the face for months (maybe years) and you didn't even realize 😅

Thanks for sharing your experience! hopefully anon will see it (or it will help someone else feeling a tug)!

[cryptidsurveys]

Thursday, August 29th, 2024.

what is the one thing you remember most about January of last year? I remember almost nothing from January of 2023. I don't think I was in the best mental space? Like, not terrible, but not super good either? Idk. Things started to gradually improve in March, though, and by mid-year they were significantly better. As for January of 2024, I also recall relatively little. I was volunteering at the shelter, but as for specifics…I'm drawing a blank.

you look at the clock and it’s 11:11, do you wish? Yeah. I don't necessarily believe my wish will come true or that repeating numbers/number sequences have any inherent meaning, but it's a slightly superstitious habit.

how do you think you will look 3 years from now? Assuming I continue on this path of progress, I think the biggest changes will be related to body language and how I carry myself. I don't think three years will make a big difference in how old I look, and I don't plan on making any drastic style changes either.

once you graduate (if you haven’t already) are you leaving your hometown? I didn't graduate - from high school or from college. I also had no plans to leave my hometown. In fact, I'll probably reside here for the rest of my life.

what is your dream job? Working at the animal shelter.

what would be number one on your bucket list? Thru hiking either the Colorado Trail or the Appalachian Trail. I'm leaning more toward the CT, though. I just think the AT has changed too much and may no longer provide the experience I'm seeking. Another big bucket list item would be to travel to Japan.

how old do you think you’ll be when you make your will? I have no idea.

you get a text message. who do you hope it is? My mom. If I got a text from my dad right now, I'd be worried it was bad news (he'd probably just call, though). And I don't want a text from Alex because it would most likely be calling me in to the shelter and I just want to enjoy the rest of my days off.

are there any songs that you hear that just make you wanna dance? I had to look up the name of it, but I'm Good (Blue) by Bebe Rexha and David Guetta. Every time I hear it on the radio at the shelter it makes me wanna bust a move. ;D

do you get any of your songs from limewire? Is that even still a thing? I haven't done that since maybe 2010-2011.

what’s the oddest thing you are wearing right now? It's really not that odd, but I'm wearing a t-shirt that says, "Bigfoot doesn't believe in you either."

you and your best friend get in a fight. why do you think that is? I can't imagine us fighting over anything atm. I guess if anything it would be related to my very delayed text response time. I'm already a bit of a procrastinator when it comes to that form of communication, but it's gotten worse now that I'm working more. I think they would be understanding, though.

do you use the word “basically” a lot? I don't notice myself saying it a lot, but I do feel like I use it often in surveys. Same with "practically" and "pretty much."

do you use proper grammar or use IM talk? I primarily use proper grammar, but I'm not opposed to a bit of chatspeak.

what is your biggest annoyance at the time? Probably the constant nagging worry about getting a migraine at an inopportune time. I'm grateful that I've been able to keep them at bay on most workdays, but they catch up to me on my days off.

you see the person you fell hardest for. what do you do? Like just in passing? I doubt I'd do anything except feel kinda weird about it. It's one thing to have the memories, but it's another thing entirely to be unexpectedly confronted with their physical presence.

have/are you depressed? Looking back…I'd say a lot of what I experienced was "situational depression" (as opposed to a long-term chemical imbalance). I don't have much of an issue with it at this point in my life. I still have issues with my mental health, but they're nowhere near as severe as they once were.

did you grow up in the united states? Yeah.

are you dreading tomorrow? Only slightly. You know what though? I'm so glad I don't dread going to the animal shelter like I used to dread going to school. I think I feel an average amount of "ugh" when it comes to going to work.

do you call anybody ‘baby’? My own kitties and the kitties at the shelter. They're all my stinky babies.

if your school had a winter formal on new years, would you go? I can't recall whether we had winter formals or not…but if we did, then I didn't attend.

where is the fanciest place you have ever visited? That fundraising event at the Union Depot was pretty fancy. Everyone was all dressed up and I was just sorta there…in clothes I would wear to any other casual occasion. :')

who is the one person you can completely be yourself around? My dad.

are your pop-ups blocked on your computer? I don't know if they're blocked or not, but I don't get any.

do you wear earrings on a normal basis? No. My ears aren't pierced.

how old were you when you realized that life goes on? I don't know when I first came to that realization, but I do tell myself that fairly often now. This situation will end, this sadness will pass, etc.

are your parent’s night owls or morning birds? My dad is an early bird (actually, he has a pretty eccentric sleep schedule) and my mom is a night owl.

do you like to sing? I'm not really any good at it, but yeah.

are there some songs that you will never understand the lyrics to? Probably.

do you own a lot of picture frames? I don't.

who is your favorite author? One of them is Joshua Cutchin. He writes a lot of books about the paranormal. Two of my favorites would be Where The Footprints End (in partnership with Timothy Renner) and The Brimstone Deceit.

how many pillows are on your bed? Two decorative pillows, two regular pillows, and three body pillows. Okay yeah I might have a bit of a pillow problem. :')

how is your hair right now? Nice and buzzed and short.

is your phone fully charged? It's at 94%.

what’s your favorite thing about the holidays? When it comes to the "holiday season," I just love the whole vibe. The weather, the decorations, the food, the nostalgia…

are you still in school? No.

how many days/months until your next birthday? It's not until next March.

what is your favorite type of cake? Hmm…maybe carrot or red velvet.

how many rings do you wear on a day-to-day basis? I don't wear any rings on a daily basis, but I have three that I wear on occasion.

when will you next laugh until you cry? I have no idea. I can't really predict that sort of thing.

[void-inked-pen]

Pen and Fanfics

I am... very particular about my fanfics.

when I want a fanfic about a specific character, I tend to hunt stuff down meticulously, trial run reading chapters of what people have written already, and compare that to what the fandom seems to take an interest in.

case and point: I feel like people have a very low bar for what they can read sometimes cause so many most liked or most read fics... are kinda just... bad? (that is just my opinion, I am not throwing shade I swear)

I am also an adult, and a lot of these stories are written by teenagers just getting into creative writing and stuff and that's totally fine! a lot of the more... eloquent fics out there are written by more experienced writers who have people to beta and understand the basics of good storytelling.

this is not to say anything that I've written is "incredible", a lot of my shit is not. I look back at Time Ticks By and compare it to some of the stuff I'm working on rn and LET ME TELL YOU THERE IS A NOTICABLE CURVE OF WRITING ABILITY KSJFHSKJFH.

Time Ticks By was a fic I started working on in college for a friend of mine who wanted more Mikey angst so I started brainstorming and brought up the concept to them. After that I just wrote the fic for the two of us, gradually building up chapters and throwing the turtles into some pretty interesting stuff. Then... after a while, I decided to post it.

That fic, was the first one I ever posted. one of my other friends graciously beta'd it for me as I went on (at one point they downright eviscerated a chapter and I am very thankful for the brutality but I was wrecked after that day lol). But as I look back at that fic I have noticed some interesting changes in my writing. My chapters are longer, I'm much more descriptive and meticulous with my wording, I avoid tropes as much as I can by describing a character's reaction by saying "the blonde", "the redhead", "the purple masked turtle", etc. when trying to avoid just saying the characters name (tho I still fall into that habit I'm avoiding it pretty well).

When I compare the way I am currently writing Let's Switch, my BNHA Kirishima-centric fic to Time Ticks By, my Rise of the TMNT fic, I can tell I've improved immensely.

That might be why I'm a bit iffy with continuing TTB, because the writing is outdated for me regardless of the fact I do want to finish it someday soon.

there's also the fact that my motivation for Let's Switch is... out of spite.

IDK why but when spite is in the mix for me, I get more motivated. Let's Switch is literally a non-romantic story that throws Kirishima into a situation that canon would never do because he's not a main character. I've seen sooooooo many fics where the angst is focused on Bakugou and Kiri is a supporting role, or if there IS an angsty story about him it's related to their ship or things like his depression. Those fics that actually focus on him specifically are so few and so short it irritates me.

I like long-ass fics okay! if a fic isn't over 20k I get mad because I WANT more long form stories! I wanna see Kirishima take the main character role for once and have it NOT related to romance! Romance is fine on some days but for fucks sake I just wanna read a story where my sunshine boy gets WRECKED and it has nothing to do with his attraction to his friend!

that's how Let's Switch was born.

out of me being frustrated at the lack of angst for Kirishima. Similarly to how TTB was started because my friend wanted angst for Mikey.

So yes, I have a very complicated relationship with fics. especially at the lack of my favs having anything. I am primarily a reader outside of animation so the fact that I got THIS frustrated and decided to work on my own story just to satisfy my own cravings, means I was pushed hard!

Thank you for reading my rant, if you know of any other Kirishima-centric fics where there is no romance, would love to see it. Otherwise, I'm out.

PEACE!

[weltenwellen]

What I'm about to talk to you about might be a bit triggering for some so please be careful.

I suffered from mental health problems for years and after a long time debating with myself I decided I needed to go to therapy. I started therapy few months ago and I immediately felt and saw great great changes in my life and my attitude towards life and my mood started to change and now that I feel a bit lighter and better I feel scared. I feel extremely uncomfortable and I don't even know why. I have this feeling where every day I'm scared that I'm gonna feel sad again and every improvement I've made is gonna go away and I'm gonna go back to feeling sad. And then i have this thought that what if I die and I don't get to feel this light and happy anymore. This is my main thing. "what if I die". After 22 years of my life only now I wake up and don't immediately feel sad. Only now I get to enjoy little things in life. Only now I laugh so loud. And I feel like I'm gonna die and I don't get to experience these nice feelings anymore. I'm so sacred of death. I don't know what to do.

i think for a lot of people who struggle with mental health issues and mental illness during their teens, what you feel and what you write is highly relatable. for me at least it is very much so. the thought of only coming alive in your 20s or only feeling like you’re living while you see that everybody has had so many experiences while they were younger & you were only watching while struggling and feeling paralysed... that hurts & from experience, it will hurt for awhile and it will come back every once in awhile as sharp and as hurtful as in the past. but darling, you’re still so young. you’re only now beginning to find out just how strong you are, what you’re capable of and forming who you are. i know it feels often like you’re behind and that there are certain stages or levels you should have reached by now, but life is not like that even if some people make you feel like it is. you move at your own pace. you are taking the time that you need to heal and you are taking the needed pace towards life so it won’t destroy you and overwhelm you after struggling so long in the dark.

it warms my heart how good therapy has been for you. that makes me very happy. i think as you get back and as you come back towards wanting to live, towards wanting to build your own life & to live, there is a need for control and it is normal I would say that you’re experiencing an intense fear of relapsing and going back to old ways & feeling those emotions again which you were stuck in for so long. there is a need to get the upper hand once and for all on your emotions and on shutting the door to the past and leaving the self behind who has battled so long mentally & to even shut out the person who went through recovery. because recovery is not only extremely difficult but it is not linear & there are also extreme feelings of hatred and failure for yourself in recovery which can overshadow the enormous strength, courage and bravery you have displayed to get to who you are now, to get to wanting to live.

to be afraid to die because you haven’t lived, because you haven’t got your shot at life especially now that it is right in your grasp is very understandable. i can only tell you think from the perspective of someone recovering from depression in their teens, but i got a lot of irrational fears while recovering and also had a high level of anxiety because it might sound weird, but when you’re heavily depressed you’re getting caught up in the same thinking circles over and over again & you’re so withdrawn. actually wanting to live overwhelmed me so much, feel such different things compared to the past were not only overwhelming but also hurt. joy felt so flimsy and unable for me to grasp but also it felt to bright, it felt like it burned too brightly in my chest. like i couldn’t hold it. i wanted to the control to not feel bad again but i also did not want to feel joy with it being taken away. i did not want temporary something good.

but as you go deeper and further into building your life and finding out who you are in your life and in therapy, you are able to trust more yourself and can gradually let go of wanting to shut those doors to the past, of wanting to have constant control over your emotions and in your life. you cannot stop life from moving you, you cannot stop yourself from being moved by life. you’re going feel everything. all those emotions which have been with you in the past while you were struggling, you will find in the future & all the new and bright emotions you are experiencing and discovering now, you will find in the future. and that hurts and it’s scary but the more you become certain in who you are & the more you know just what you’re capable of, the better you are at navigating through the storms and to trust yourself enough to let yourself float when it’s sunny and not a cloud is in sight. life is and remains uncertain. that’s the beauty and that’s pain that makes life beautiful and heartbreaking. all you can do is find a way to stand in the now & to trust yourself & to love the hell out of life and the people around you.

[theintuitivewildflower]

Mind Over Matter and Situationships

Thoughts become things so we don't want to sit idle and stew or dwell on thoughts of what we don't like or want. Simply put, the law of attraction will give you more of what you focus on, think about and give attention to. For example, emotions you don't like, will stick around longer when we don't recognize and accept them and then, most importantly, let them go.....

Unless we release those thoughts....they will linger. Instead, releasing them in a healthy way allows and makes way for new and better emotions and vibrations to flow to you; more things that are healthy start to appear. Be mindful; simply pay attention to your thoughts.

Before we even “know” ourselves their is still this inner strength we can always tap into; if we choose mind over matter. The more we use it the stronger it gets and as we continue to be mindful, we turn this practice into a new healthier habit. Once we know ourselves and accept all that we are and are not, we become empowered. Yes, we evolve, we grow and we see progress.

Mind over matter has been a crucial part of my story, my life's experience. When I look back over my life and try to find examples of times I was on my own and had to dig deep to find inner strength, it's not difficult; there is a plethora of options to choose from. We humans are resilient. We overcome a lot in our time here. The most trying times are the moments we discover that we are our own hero and only we can heal our own hurts. This can only be done by learning, accepting and knowing one's self.

I can think of some childhood lessons that were uncomfortable and kept "on the hush", harsh words, mean kids, burnt out teachers in the wrong profession, competition within families, animosity and also life events such as; divorce, suicide, affairs, addictions, miscarriages, heartaches, mistakes and betrayals; often ignored, hidden or "brushed under the rug." As a result, emotions like grief, fear, shame and guilt come along for the ride and well, they can be both mentally and physically debilitating.

We gotta be mindful about who we invest in on an intimate level because energy is always exchanged. Soul ties are created and karma, positive or negative, is put into motion. Therefore, utilizing mind over matter in this area is vital.

Yes, it is gonna sting some to reopen old wounds, face old emotions and address things we never released from past relationships. However, remaining unhealed, an eternal victim, the tortured soul...doesn't serve anyone. Yet, we can all relate, we understand these low vibration emotions and we've all experienced hurting.

Evolving for me meant not dancing with devils, not saving the bad boys and letting the tortured soul torture itself rather than risking my soul being tortured while saving theirs. That is exactly what I did in my past relationship patterns. I walked away from a lot of tortured souls turned healed while I myself ended up more hurt, damaged, sad, bitter, toxic and wounded. This is why I now boast about the beauty of self-love; you cannot pour from an empty cup.

Have I been too blunt in regards to relationships these days?

If not, here's some more food for thought.....

Casual sex vs. Soul connections

It is continuous personal growth and soulwork, once you commit to the healing process. Imagine the mind blowing intimacy that might come from healing old hurts and traumas. I feel like everyone's skipping out on the stuff that should be the foundation of a soul connection. Should sex ever be the starting point? Could it improve as we improve? Could healing be the new viagra? (Just things I wish more folks would consider.)

Plus,

Porn is at the fingertips of anyone who wants to find it. There are now secret message inboxes, apps that delete photos and conversations for you and even websites designed around having an affair. The cards are already stacked against those of us desiring a soul connection.

The humanity is missing from relationships; in reality they are more like situationships. Instant gratification is a swipe or dm away and I don't want to hear about girl code or bro code. Loyalty is a lost virtue it seems.

The most open-minded women I know, including myself, have been creeped out entirely by some of the predator type behavior displayed by men in virtual dating apps and the unsolicited dick pic is causing some of us to question our own sexuality and consider "switching teams." A good girl can't really win when the next 4 swipes following her are "dtf", sight unseen and mental state unknown so I don't blame just men or just women; it is so much deeper than ones sex.

It truly is a jungle out there.

The struggle is so real and very exhausting; the small talk, facades, videos, downloads, chats, pics and inflated egos are all in abundance. These are all convenient ways to get some instant gratification but they will never fill the void that remains within an unhealed heart; hurt people will simply continue to hurt people.

Be mindful, pay attention and watch for warning signs. Sometimes the best way to protect yourself is to keep these toxic people at a distance. Out of sight, out of mind.

The optimist vs. the pessimist

I have studied and now practiced the law of attraction for many years. Positive thinking can change things and the energy or frequency we operate on. What I’ve recently been stoked about learning is that there is always more we can do to bring positivity our way. Thinking positive is a healthy start but it isn’t enough because negative things still happen; such is life. Protecting your energy is key. Ditching victim mentality for victor mentality is also a game changer; empowering you to accept your past and move forward from it.

It’s about a conscious effort to face what is facing you because what we resists, persists. What we fight, we feed; meaning, it grows in size.

The take away...

There is a purpose to your pain!

Your purpose will most likely be born from it!

Self-development isn’t always easy; it’s not all positive vibes all the time. Once you are vibrating higher, more optimistic, more healed and mentally stronger those types of folks start naturally falling away from you because your positive energy repels their negative; it is pretty amazing really.

Remember this: You are the Beauty in your struggle! If you’ll rise up to challenge of your own personal growth, you will be so happy you did! You will naturally reject negative and toxic people because you are no longer negative and toxic. These types will still lurk around and attempt to "woo" you; the mouthpiece on some men I've encountered is very convincing but when you're mindful, you notice more; you look for these red flags and gradually you get better and faster about calling "bullshit" on a faker. WARNING: THEY HATE THIS AND WILL EMOTIONALLY ATTACK.

Lastly, consider all types of rejection Godly and Universal protection. Don't let your ego make you feel unwanted or lower your standards just to have company. Learn to enjoy your own company and only allow people in alignment with your beliefs to come into close proximity. Use your alone time to work more on you; fill your cup.

Pessimistic unhealed folks are now rolling their eyes. Those that have done the work and personal growth are saying "hell yes!" Choose for yourself but I do pray that you choose YOU!

One love, Karyn Dee

[magicpens]

KNOW THYSELF

By Johnny Bacala

Gender dysphoria is the feeling of discomfort or distress in people whose gender identity differs from their sex assigned at birth or sex-related physical characteristics. Transgender and gender-nonconforming people might experience gender dysphoria at some point in their lives. Gender dysphoria might start in childhood and continue into adolescence and adulthood (early-onset). Or, you might have periods in which you no longer experience gender dysphoria followed by a recurrence of gender dysphoria. You might also experience gender dysphoria around the time of puberty or much later in life (late-onset). Gender dysphoria can impair many aspects of life. Preoccupation with being of another gender than the one assigned often interferes with daily activities. 

People experiencing gender dysphoria might refuse to go to school due to pressure to dress in a way associated with their sexual orientation or out of fear of being harassed or teased. Gender dysphoria can also impair the ability to function at school or work, resulting in school dropout or unemployment. Relationship difficulties are common. Anxiety, depression, self-harm, eating disorders, substance abuse, and other problems can occur. People who have gender dysphoria also often experience discrimination, resulting in minority stress. Access to health services and mental health services can be difficult due to fear of stigma and a lack of experienced providers. Adolescents and adults with gender dysphoria before gender reassignment might be at risk of suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, and suicide. After gender reassignment, suicide risk might continue. (Mayo Clinic Staff)

I wasn't diagnosed with this, but I wanted to explain how it feels to have an identity crisis. It is a personal psychological conflict that occurs most often throughout adolescence. It entails a state of confusion in an institution or organization about its nature or goal. As well as confusion about social roles and often a sense of loss of continuity to personality. (Merriam-Dictionary) To begin with, I'd like to emphasize that being a member of the LGBT community is not simple. Before I completely comprehend the ramifications of being one, I have to go through challenges and sorrow.

It began while I was in elementary school. I'm not like the other lads my age when it comes to how I feel about myself. I am reserved and silent. My family thought I was just a good kid, but I've always felt like a spirit trapped in the wrong body.

Every time I see a girl dressed beautifully and applying makeup, I am awestruck. I wish I could put it on as well. My mother, however, claims that it is inappropriate for me because I am a guy. Maybe I merely adored them because of their attractiveness, but no—-because one day I came across my mothers' makeup and attempted it out of curiosity. It's amusing since, at my young age, I don't even know how to utilize it.

That night my mom was laughing so hard. However, she still chastised me and reminded me that it is not a toy to play with. Years have passed since then. When I first realized I was gay, I was in my early adolescence. I told my mother everything. I summoned all of my courage to come out to her. She grieved at first since I am the family's only boy. My entire family consists of sisters. But, over time, she gradually embraced me, to the point where she was the one who purchased me girly clothes. Even until my senior year, I continued to be homosexual and had experienced prior experiences with boys. When I met a certain girl, I developed a crush on her, so. I altered my appearance and my manner again. I used to think of myself as a bisexual, a person who is attracted to both sexes. 

As the story progressed, I made friends with transgender individuals, and my feelings and ideas as a female returned, so I attempted to imitate them. To become a lady, I use hormone replacement treatment (HRT). I tried it for months to observe how it affected me; I grew slimmer, a bump appeared on my chest, and my skin grew whiter. However, for some reason and for the third time, I changed. Pills were no longer in my life. I switch my clothes and style once more, and I'm back to being a gay man.

I even sobbed at night since I'm no longer sure what I am doing. I go with the flow, yet I'm missing something. It's as though something is missing from me. I'm still trying to find my stride. And because of this issue, it has an impact on my entire life. I struggled with anxiety, grew more self-conscious, sought approval, and found it difficult to accept who I am.  

I am currently pursuing a bachelor of arts in communication. I considered telling this event as one of our requirements. Because I want the rest of the world to know how I feel, I want them to realize how difficult it is to be LGBT. People may believe that being a part of the community is all about unicorns and rainbows, but this is not the case.

I know I shouldn't base my life on other people's opinions because we aren't born to satisfy them, but it is difficult to breathe in this circumstance. Now I'm attempting to improve. I'm gradually coming to terms with my situation and learning to go with the flow, living my life to the utmost. But I still have a gender identity dilemma. It was made easy by my supporting family and friends.

In terms of appearance, I just dressed according to my mood. I don't care what other people think as long as I'm pleased, I'm going for it. Because I believe that we should be delighted with life since it is tough to have a burden inside and look for things that make us happy because being contented implies feeling proud, and feeling proud indicates we accepted our fate.

So, as a person experiencing a gender identity crisis. I must keep fighting since this is only a war that I must win. I will not allow it to devour and conquer me because I know myself and am not a quitter. Trust the process. Yes, indeed.