#i feel like in a situation like this Kel would feel his thoughts surface

[jj-the-writer]

Day 5 @kelbreyweek:

Minor omori spoilers.

Prom.

Mari basically drags Aubrey into the school prom dance.

Mari: "Alright Aubrey, time to have fun!"

Aubrey: "Easy for you to say, miss prom queen, I don't wanna be here..."

Mari: "Sure you do! C'mon go talk to your classmates, crack some jokes! Don't drink tho you're still young."

Aubrey: "Mari I don't talk to my classmates, I have 5 friends, you and hero will do your own thing and I also don't know where the others are..."

Mari: "Come on Aubrey look at you! You look beautiful, you can't let this dress go to waste, go talk to people!

Aubrey: "Fine fine I'll... Go around."

Hero: "Hey Aubrey! Hello Mari~"

Mari: "Hey there handsome~"

Hero: "Aubrey, you won't mind if I steal her from you, right?"

Aubrey: "Out of my face the both of you." She said as she let out a laugh and a genuine smile.

Hero and Mari went on stage to dance, they were made for this type of environment. For Aubrey though the music, the lights and the crowd was getting to her pretty quickly, so after she looked at Mari and Hero happily dance for quite a while, she decided to go get some air on the balcony of the building.

The balcony had a great view, the night sky with the city right below, with the sea in the distance. It had some bar tables with no chairs but it had two benches to the sides of the exit to the balcony. In one of those benches sat Kel, on his own.

Kel wore a button up shirt with an orange tie and a pair of black pants with a leather belt. He was sitting on the bench and he looked sad, looking on the floor with his elbows on his knees.

Aubrey approached and sat beside him, her dress taking more space than she'd wanted.

Aubrey: "Come here often?"

Kel: "Hello Aubrey..."

Aubrey: "Hey there doofus. What's got you so down, I thought you liked big crowds?"

Kel: "That hasn't changed, the atmosphere is really nice..."

Aubrey: "Then why are you bummed out? And don't tell me you aren't, I'm not blind, and even if I was, I know you too well."

Kel looked at Aubrey with a side eye and responded.

Kel: "I'd rather not talk about it Aubs..."

Aubrey: "Keeping problems to yourself solves nothing. Is it because you came here without a partner?"

Kel: *sigh* "No it's not that... It'd help I guess but that's not my problem."

Aubrey: "Then what is it? Come on we've known each other for years you can talk to me and be honest!" Aubrey put her hand on Kel's shoulder.

Kel takes a big breath and closes his eyes before looking at Aubrey, and looking away once more.

Kel: "Well, did you see Hero?"

Aubrey: "Yeah I did, he took Mari to dance as soon as we entered."

Kel: "Well he... I don't know how to explain it but I get the feeling that this life, of the popular kid, the one with many friends and fans... It belongs to him. And I feel like mom and dad, him, and the people around us expect me to grow up and be exactly like him, likeable like him, smart like him, naturally good at everything like him... For the longest time I thought that that's what I wanted as well, my brother is great after all who wouldn't want to be like him... But now, seeing him be the 'prom king', it's like the icing on the cake and I realized that I feel like I don't have an identity..."

Aubrey stays silent, she makes sure that before she speaks kel has finished taking. Then she gets her phone out of her pocket and she puts on Waltz no.2 by Shostakovich, something she knew he liked to listen to when he was alone. She set her phone on the bench. She stood up, took Kel's hands in hers and pulled him up. When standing kel was almost a head taller than Aubrey but despite the height difference he was the one being guided, as well as comforted.

Aubrey: "Let's dance." She said softly.

They started slow dancing, not actual waltz since none of them knew how to, but they swayed to the rhythm. Eventually Kel rested his head on Aubrey's shoulder and let out a few tears. Aubrey smiles, and she begins to talk softly as they continue dancing.

Aubrey: "Kel, you are so much more than 'popular'... You're genuine and energetic, you don't back down from a challenge even if you know your chance of success is low. You're persistent... You've gone through so much on your own, you've stood strong against struggle and no matter hurt you may be, you're still Kel. You're your own person Kel, you don't have to be anybody you can never be... Be yourself and fuck everyone who tells you otherwise. Besides, being 'you' is the best thing you can be, I know I wouldn't change a thing."

Kel continued dancing to Aubrey's guidance. His tears kept flowing with some soft sobs being heard. They kept dancing together, side by side until the song was over. After the music stopped they both stood there for a few seconds. Kel raised his head, his eyes a little red but the smile that Aubrey oh so loved was back where it belonged.

Kel: "Thank you, for being here, and for comforting me. I needed that."

Aubrey: "Anytime idiot. Just know you can talk to me when you feel like it, and when you don't." Aubrey smiled comfortingly at her friend.

Kel took a second before remembering that they were in prom. He looked at Aubrey up and down and blushed instantly. She wore a beautiful pastel pink dress with suspender straps and a subtle v-neck, she also wore short white heels. However what drew Kel's attention the most was a beautiful gold necklace which simply made her shine. Her hair was like usual, however they looked especially taken care of, even if she wasn't wearing her bow.

Aubrey: "Kel, are you okay...?"

Kel: "I'm fine! However I just realized that you look... Very pretty."

Aubrey: "Oh... Well thank you... Mari lent me one of her dresses for tonight, I think it's a little flashy but she wouldn't let me come here with pants so here we are haha..."

Aubrey tried to hide her embarrassment from Kel's comment, she fixed her hair, looked everywhere but directly at him... Kel was busy admiring her though so he didn't notice any if that.

Kel: "Well it'd be a shame fir you to look this good and not let anyone see! How about we go dance?"

Aubrey: "What are you saying all of a sudden... And I can't dance, I'd look out of pl-"

Kel held out his hand waiting for Aubrey to take it.

Kel: "Come on! It'll be fun I promise!"

Aubrey hesitated a lot, but she elected to follow him, her judgement was clouded from the compliments, but she also found herself wanting to dance with him... So she took his hand.

Kel broke a big smile and walked back into the party with Aubrey in tow. The both of them got on stage and they started dancing. At first Aubrey was self-conscious and awkward, however slowly she felt more comfortable, she let herself be guided by Kel's movements and soon enough she danced happily without a care in the world... That moment was theirs.

They ended up dancing so flashily that they stole the spotlight from Hero and Mari, the prom King and Queen respectively. The night went on and on with the two pairs dancing to their hearts content for everyone to see.

Basil and Sunny who have been awkwardly sitting in the corner this entire time took many photos of the two pairs as they danced, with plans to show them tomorrow.

[hero-deserves-to-be-happy]

Let Kel Be Sad: An Analysis on Kel’s struggles to express his negative emotions

Like Hero, Kel is also a “fixer”—he would bend over backwards to solve his friends' problems and stop the world if it would make them happy again, and both him and his brother are such big hearted and generous people who would much rather be the emotional support for others rather than talk about their own problems and make a situation about themselves and their feelings. For Hero, this often involves burying his own feelings and faking happiness, but I don’t think it necessarily means this for Kel, even if he struggles to express his negative emotions.

To me, Kel’s happiness and positivity is genuine, but he dismisses, discounts, and often runs from his sadness when he does experience it.

Let's discuss under the cut.

[Mod Sprinkles made the joke that in another universe I (mod Acacia) would also run a blog called "Let Kel Be Sad" so here are some Kel thoughts. Thanks for indulging my ramblings! 🧡]

Disclaimer: These are just my personal opinions, perceptions, and headcanons about Kel (and Hero). There are a lot of ways his character can be interpreted, and one of the great things about fandom is getting to see different points of view and differing interpretations of characters we all know and love. I know I speak for both Sprinkles and myself when I say we have a lot of respect for that, and for that reason, I want to be upfront that, while I do genuinely believe Kel struggles expressing negative emotions (thus the "Let Kel Be Sad" title), I don't personally view Kel as someone whose happiness is "fake" in the same way as Hero's. I can see the appeal of this interpretation and can understand why people interpret his character in this way, but it personally does not vibe with my personal interpretations, perceptions, and headcanons of Kel and his character, so if you perceive/headcanon Kel in that way, this post probably won't be your cup of tea. Please keep that in mind.

Warnings: OMORI Spoilers and discussion of game-relevant heavier topics such death, trauma, and grief.

Kel wears his heart on his sleeve, but this doesn't mean that he is shallow. He is a big-hearted, deeply empathetic, and incredibly loyal friend, and it cannot be stated enough that one of Kel’s biggest strengths is his ability to use his natural positivity and resilience to lift up those around him. He’s really the hero of the game because none of the healing would have been possible if he hadn’t continued to believe in his friends even after all of this time, hadn’t encouraged them, and hadn’t built them up just by being Kel.

And while I do think Kel does struggle to express vulnerabilities and negative emotions, I don't personally think of Kel's unwavering optimism as a mask. In my mind, Kel is not an emotional repressor or burier in the same way as Hero. In fact, because he wears his heart on his sleeve, he would probably really struggle to fake an emotion he wasn’t feeling (even if it was something positive like happiness). If Kel doesn’t want to express an emotion, I imagine he runs from it and avoids it, since it’s not natural or easy for him to “replace” or “bury” it with a fake one. Whereas Hero is much more reserved and private about his feelings, no matter what they are, so it’s much easier for him to convincingly mask pain and suffering under layers and layers of fake happiness. I just don’t think Kel would be able to hold back those emotions for very long. His negative feelings would eventually just kind of explode out of him without thinking and/or they’d become so apparent from his expressions and/or actions (since he does wear his heart on his sleeve) and everyone (including the player of the game) would know that he had so much negativity under the surface.

This isn't to say that Kel is perfectly fine. He isn't. He has suffered a terrible loss just like everyone else, but I think the game makes it clear that Kel has the most acceptance surrounding Mari's death and that he has made peace with what happened more so than the other main characters. Please keep in mind that this is only relative to the other main cast. Kel may seem "well-adjusted" in comparison to his brother and his friends who are, quite frankly, barely keeping it together, but he would not necessarily be considered well-adjusted in comparison to the non-traumatized townies. I genuinely believe that Kel is still in the process of healing, but relative to the other main cast members, he is farther along in that journey than they are.

And in that way, the game doesn't really give us a moment where Kel is overwhelmed by grief in the same way as the rest of the characters. Yes, there is the scene (one of my personal favorites) where Kel shares about his fight with Hero, and it is incredibly vulnerable and gives a lot of subtly and nuance to his character, but I don't think it's necessarily evidence that the player can't accept Kel as he presents himself to us at face value in the way that we can't accept Hero as he presents himself to us at face value. As I recently discussed in this post, the scene where Sunny finds Hero crying alone at Mari’s piano on the night of "Two Days Left" tells the player that Hero's attempts to appear well-adjusted and "fine" are, at least to a certain extent, all for show. There isn’t a Kel equivalent of this scene which, I personally think, is meant to tell the player of the game that Kel is the most well-adjusted member of his friend group (key words here being "of his friend group") and the one who has the most acceptance surrounding Mari’s death. Additionally, Mod Sprinkles actually made the point that Sunny is extremely perceptive and sensitive to his friends’ feelings and emotions. If Kel was still harboring a lot of negativity surrounding Mari’s death, Sunny likely would have picked up on that and been more hesitant to go outside with him in the first place.

This isn’t to say that Kel doesn’t ever have any negative feelings and that he doesn’t struggle to express those sometimes, but I think this struggle to express “the bad stuff” doesn’t stem from a pressure he feels to be happy all the time. That said, I do wonder sometimes if he is a little scared of feeling sad. He wants to be happy and wants everyone around him to be happy, and I think there is this certain helplessness that he feels when he can’t cheer other people up. We see a little glimpse of that in his account of his & Hero’s fight after Mari’s death. I think watching someone he loved so much go through such a deep and debilitating depression at such a young age probably permanently affected him, and he might have some worries about getting “stuck” like his brother, wallowing in that sadness and grief if he allows himself to feel it.

However, this is an unwarranted fear because Kel and Hero are very different. Even though Kel might feel sad, and his feelings are absolutely valid, I don’t think he’s prone to that level of despair and depression that we see in Hero. Understanding that his experiences and emotional responses are different than his brother’s is a big part of growing up so it might take him a while to realize this, and in the meantime, I could see it possibly manifesting itself as a sort of avoidance of sadness.

Everyone grieves differently. This is a difficult concept for even adults to understand, so I can't imagine how hard it would be for a 12-year-old like Kel. Because Kel didn't grieve Mari in the same way as Hero or his friends and didn’t spiral into the same level of despair and depression as the others, I think he struggles with invalidating his own feelings to himself sometimes--writing them off as shallow and dismissing them to himself as "just not deep enough." Again, I think this goes back to the one (1) fight that Kel and Hero had. We don’t know exactly what they said to each other in that fight, but it’s my personal headcanon that Hero lashed out at Kel for “not understanding” for he felt. From then on, I think Kel really does struggle with this fear that he just doesn’t understand emotions and because of that, any attempts to help his hurting loved ones will only make everything worse.

I’d really like to see him reach a place in which he can accept that even if his feelings and his grief are different and perhaps not as lingeringly overwhelming as the others', that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have them and that doesn’t mean he didn’t care about Mari or his friends. In my mind, Kel’s hesitation and worry at expressing his negative feelings and his happy-go-lucky personality can both exist at the same time. I don't think they are mutually exclusive, and I tend to think of Kel as someone who naturally looks on the bright side of things and is genuinely optimistic and uplifting. To deny this feels like a disservice to (my personal perception of) Kel, but I think it is also a disservice to pretend he never feels sadness or any negative feelings at all. There has to be a balance.

Let Kel feel sad when he needs to but recognize that he doesn’t actually need to feel sad all that often.

[prodigal-explorer]

a snippet from the first chapter of my loyal au fic

(if you don't know the background of this au, here's the post detailing it: loyal au)

Splayed out on his bed, Kel looked up at the ceiling, smiling and laughing breathlessly. When it came to pillow fights, Basil was much more feisty than he seemed. There was something about flying feathers and soft surfaces that seemed to entice Basil's competitive side. And honestly, Kel enjoyed it. It was nice to see the real Basil, and not the shy, bland persona that he often wore in front of people who he didn't trust to see his true self. Kel almost felt honored that he was part of the "secret club" that had access to this Basil. The Basil who wasn't the most perfect, morally-aligned human of all time.

Well, maybe that title should go to Mari. After all, Kel thought, nobody could top her when it came to goodness.

The silence that hung in the air was comfortable. There was no sound except for the odd sigh as Kel and Basil caught their breaths, recovering from their battle.

But out of the blue, Basil broke the silence in a way that crushed the comfort in such a way that Kel's heart seized.

"I wish Sunny was here."

Though his words were quiet, his sentiment was not. Kel was shocked, laughing softly to hide how he flinched as Basil spoke in his typical soft, kind tone.

"It feels so empty when he's not around during these things."

What, so me being here doesn't matter?

Kel shook his head, biting his lip harshly so he wouldn't say what he had been thinking so loudly. Though he had a tendency to speak without thinking, something about Basil's presence placated him in a way that didn't really feel natural. Maybe since Basil was so good, Kel felt pressured to be good as well. It was a good thing, Kel thought. Even if his true thoughts sometimes had to go unsaid.

After all, Basil hadn't meant anything bad by it. Basil was a good friend.

"If you're bored, we could play a game or something," Kel suggested, staring at the medals and awards that gleamed on the other side of the bedroom wall. Hero's side.

What would Hero do in this type of situation? What would he say?

"Maybe we could even play basketball outside! It stopped raining while we were pillow fighting!"

Basil winced, chuckling awkwardly, and Kel wanted to groan. That was probably the most un-Hero-like thing Kel could have possibly said. Why was he so bad at emulating the person he shared the world with since birth? Why couldn't he be as good at this as Hero? Did Hero have to be better than him at everything?

"Sorry, I'm a bit tired," Basil said, "How do you...always have so much energy, Kel? I'm surprised you aren't exhausted by now."

Exhausted? Kel couldn't help but ask himself, or exhausting?

Did Basil really want to be here? Kel could see Basil shifting slightly in the bed, looking around the room with a resigned dullness behind his eyes that almost reminded Kel of Sunny. This never happened when Sunny was around.

"I'm tired too," Kel decided to say.

No he wasn't. But the way Basil smiled, as if maybe, for once, Kel had said the right thing, made Kel have trouble regretting his lie. If it was for the greater good, how bad could a lie possibly be?

[swbumblebee]

“Stop it.”

Mace Windu was a Jedi Master, and as such had years of training resulting in near limitless patience.

A limit, however, that his closest companion and partner in time-travel was testing with his constant pacing. And huffing.

Plo Koon ignored his request. Mace sighed.

“Would you just sit down? You’re not going to bring them home any quicker and you’re wearing down my rug” he warned.  

Plo looked at him, looked down at the rug, and continued pacing.

“I don’t know what you’re worried about” Mace continued, happily ignoring the sulky silence. “We know their mission goes well, we’ve done this before!” he exclaimed. “It’s a resounding success and half a planet ends up with a crush on Obi-Wan.” He said matter-of-fact.

He felt a reluctant pulse of amusement from Plo in the Force, as much as the man tried to keep it off his face. Mace could always tell.

He stood up, joining him in front of the sofa.

“Nobody gets blown up, nobody gets injured.” He reminded gently. “The Tume agreement is signed, as it is every year, and they both live to worry us another day” he said kindly.

Plo shook his head.

“I know how it went last time. I remember the debate” he corrected. “But things could be different my friend, we have changed the timeline. The smallest difference could be vital, and we have made a very large difference.” Plo explained, in his usual measured voice. “We have altered young Anakin’s temperament; Force only knows that he’ll do. And Obi-Wan has much less to prove.”

Mace frowned. His friend was making some irritatingly good points, but he remembered the two boys standing in the council room not one week ago; a familiar determined glint in Obi-Wan Kenobi’s eye that, in the coming years, would move planets, and Skywalker looking up at all the Masters as if they hung the stars.

“They will not disappoint us” Mace said surely.

Plo stopped.

“I know” he sighed. “I just…worry. It is most unbecoming of a Jedi” the Kel Door admitted.

Mace smiled.

“We are no longer typical Jedi my friend, and you are not the only one.”

It was true. Despite his words of reassurance, waving the two off in the hanger had brought a distinct clench in his stomach, and the training droids in the dojo had had a very long week.

Both froze, two very familiar force presences making themselves known, and not a moment later Mace’s commlink chirped shrilly.

They grinned at each other.

“Windu”

“Master, Knight Kenobi and Padawan Skywalker have just requested permission to land” the unidentified voice on the other end of the call informed them professionally.

“Thank you, Windu out.” He closed the link without a second thought, already grabbing his cloak and joining Plo, standing impatiently, by the door.

“Wait – we can’t both go!” Mace exclaimed, the thought suddenly occurring to him as Plo reached for the door control.  

The other Jedi looked at him, clearly irritated.

“Why not?”

Mace rolled his eyes. One of them had to be sensible.

“Plo, how’s that going to look? Two senior council members waiting for a new Knight and a Junior Padawan? People already think we’re too close” he exclaimed, frustrated with his friend.

Whilst they both had a wildly different attitude towards the A Word (developed over the course of the war and in their new situation) appearances were something they had to be mindful of.

Whilst his expression did not change, the Force around Plo expressed just how much of a toss he gave about appearances.

His friend folded his arms.

“Alright, we can re-convene at the flat later. I will meet them in the hanger.” He said calmly, as if it was some kind of compromise.  

Mace raised one eyebrow.

“Any why do you get to welcome them home?” he asked archly.

“You waved them off” Plo said simply. “It is my turn.”

“Ah that’s not how-Plo!” he cried out, outraged as Plo quickly opened the door and strode out into the corridor, pushing Mace gently back with the Force whilst he made his escape.

Leaving the Master of the Order spluttering at the injustice of it all, in his wake.

---

Plo was working hard to keep his happiness behind his shields as he strode into the hanger just in time to see the temple shuttle land. He ran a critical eye over it, having a sudden vision of Skywalker’s battered old ship in that first timeline. As liable to explode as it was to put the wipers on.

Thank goodness that was a bridge to be crossed in the future. He made a mental note to keep an eye out for Anakin adopting ships.

Obi-Wan ruffled young Anakin’s hair, laughing as the boy tried to squirm away, as they descended the ramp. The playful scowl on Anakin’s face transformed into excitement as he sensed Plo and turned to him, held back from running over for his usual hug by his Master’s lightning quick reflexes, grabbing a wrist and holding him back.

Plo sent a wave of welcome over to them both in the Force as they came closer, a genuine smile on Obi-Wan’s face and Anakin practically buzzing with excitement.

Obi-Wan bowed deeply in respect, clearly nudging Anakin through their training bond to do the same, and the boy hastily followed suit.

Plo held a hand up and nodded at them both as they rose smiling. Both looked absolutely fine, perhaps Obi-Wan a little tired, but Plo had a feeling that was more to do with the energetic ten-year -old he’d just spent a week with, than the challenge of the mission.

“Welcome back” Plo once again pushed his pleasure at them in the Force. Predictably, Obi-Wan’s eyes slid away from looking him in the face, but he smiled gratefully all the same as Plo plucked the bulky pack out of his hands and shouldered it. Anakin nearly skipped as they all headed towards the exit and made for the Kenobi/Skywalker residence.

“Thank you Master, it’s good to see you-“

“Master Plo, it was so wizard we went in a hyperlane and the pilot let me sit up front and Chose was awesome Master it was hailing when we got there, like really hard rain! And they had massive beds and loads of puddings and me and Master Obi-Wan went to a play with singing-“

As the child rambled excitedly on, Plo shared a bemused look with a resigned Obi-Wan, sending him a wave of amused sympathy at him in the Force. Received with a dry raise of the young man’s eyebrows.

It must have been a long week for the twenty-three-year-old.

Content to let the child’s happiness wash over him, and Obi-Wan appearing to enjoy the lack of expected contribution for once, the journey to the flat was mostly uneventful, only a few Jedi casting them amused looks at Anakin’s wild gesticulating.

“Anakin, Obi-Wan!”

They were stopped from keying in the door code by Mace’s cry of greeting as he rounded the corner towards the little group. Ignoring Plo he went straight up to the boys, Anakin beaming at him and Obi-Wan bowing once again.

“Master”

“Hi Master Mace! Guess what? We saw hail on Chose and-

“Anakin” Obi-Wan blissfully interrupted before the whole recount could begin again. “Why don’t we get inside and get the tea on and then you can tell Master Mace and Master Plo all about our mission” he suggested firmly, in a way that was definitely not a suggestion.

“Yes Master”

Obi-Wan keyed in their code and stepped inside, Anakin following happily kicking off his boots by the door.

Mace, still giving Plo the cold shoulder, stepped inside first. And made a distinct noise of surprise. Plo followed curiously looking over his shoulder.

“Obi-Wan – what happened?” he asked, aghast.

Plo held back an unseemly laugh.

The flat was a tip.

There were robes on the floor, he spotted two pairs of boots sticking out from under the sofa and a discarded pack under the table. What looked like the entire Temple’s supply of mugs were scattered on almost every surface, alongside precariously stacked datapads and flimsy piles on the tables and on the floor, some of which had fallen over.

As he picked his way across the room, avoiding random bits of droid and one or two power tools, Plo could spy a half-eaten bowl of cereal on the kitchen counter when he peered inside, and about three days worth of washing up. A laundry basket was sitting next to the washing machine, overflowing with brown and beige.

The two young Jedi stood awkwardly in the middle of the flat.

Obi-Wan flushed a little.

“Ah, we left on quite short notice” he offered.

“I don’t think it’s that bad really” Anakin offered with an awkward shrug, slyly kicking something further under the sofa.

“This is….” Mace was lost for words. Whilst Plo hadn’t spent much time in Master Kenobi’s home the first time around, he had always thought the man to be fastidiously clean, and what he had seen had been very tidy.

Anakin however, was no surprise.

Plo could sense Mace doing the same thing he was, adding “domestic help” to the Obi-Wan Support List. They’d been so focussed on studies and their boy’s personal development they completely forgot that the Knight had never lived by himself before, never mind taken care of a youngling!

Obi-Wan apologetically shoved some pads and an old robe off the sofa to make space and disappeared into the kitchen to put the kettle on.

The two Masters sat down gingerly. Anakin on the floor opposite.

“Your mission was a success?” Plo asked conversationally as Obi-Wan reappeared with the mugs of tea. Plo caught Mace peering at the rim for signs of prior use, and gave him a look.  

“Yeah” Anakin answered before Obi-Wan could get a word in “the Chosians didn’t like me at first but they really liked Master Obi-Wan and they spent ages talking. And people kept giving him stuff.” The boy explained with a disgusted expression. “Flowers and cakes and-“

“Yes thank you Padawan” Obi-Wan interrupted loudly, his ears turning a rather bright shade of pink. Mace smirked at him and Plo sent his partner a mental swat.

Obi-Wan cleared his throat.

“The mission was a success and the Tume Agreement has been updated and signed.” The Knight took a sip of his tea. “We will not need to go back for a while, it should be valid for another ten years” he finished casually as if accomplishing something no Jedi had managed before, on his first mission, was an afterthought.

Mace and Plo shared a look.

Just like last time.

It was a huge relief that their presence had had no adverse effects on the Negotiator’s skills. As Plo sat and listened to Mace congratulate the blushing young man he had a thought.

What could these two, The Team; the best Jedi of his generation and the most powerful force user ever, accomplish with the support of Mace and Plo this time around?

The Sith had better pack their bags. He thought smugly.

---

To get a feel for the whole set up of Obi-Wan Anakin’s first mission when they were assigned it “the first time around” read this Snippet Of Nothing, which is the mission being discussed, and is from the councils point of view. 

[nini-ricky]

i’m not one to talk about drama or tea or whatever in regard to the fandom. but this whole olivia/joshua/sabrina thing has been literally making my blood boil. i’ve seen so much hate coming from all sides and i honestly don’t even know what to believe. 

when drivers license was first dropped, i was honestly so proud of liv. you could literally hear the heartbreak in her voice and that this song came from an incredibly vulnerable place. and for me, her song has always been about that. speculating about who was the boy that told her forever is or who the blonde girl is shouldn’t even matter. olivia did say in an interview that she understood why people were theorizing because it did come from a very real place, but ultimately this song is about her and what she had went through. imagine, being in olivia’s position. all she wanted to do was make a song that people can relate to and connect with and she did just that. she never imagined her single skyrocketing, and i like to believe she never meant for any of this to happen. 

this entire drama thing has gone way out of control. the constant speculation and theories going around literally all social media platforms, in simple words it’s overwhelming. i couldn’t imagine being in any of their positions. 

the hate towards josh has been going on for months, even before any of us had heard drivers license. i think sending hate to anyone is incredibly childish and we shouldn’t be wishing people harmful things. that also goes to those sending hate to olivia and sabrina. there is absolutely no reason anyone should be sending hate to them. to you it might be some meaningless words, but to others it can do so much damage to one’s self-confidence and self-esteem. i truly can never understand how one could do that and not feel any sense of guilt about it. 

after josh released his single, i found things started to die down. maybe not as much as i would like, but they did start to calm down. but things picked up again once sabrina released her song Skin. 

i understand why sabrina decided to write this song. she wrote in an instagram post detailing that it wasn’t a diss track, she wasn’t trying to single any one out or anything like that. not to buy into the theories or anything, but when i first heard the song i personally thought it was petty and she came about in an immature way. i’m not hating on sabrina, don’t get me wrong. and i hate to put it this way, but she came off as if she was bragging. there was no where in olivia’s song where she explicitly sent any hate towards this ‘blonde girl’ and yet, in Skin there were far too many lyrics that pointed towards the current drama going on. 

i’m 21, just like sabrina, and i’ve talked about this with a bunch of my friends that are just grazing the surface on this drama. none of them are really into the hsmtmts fandom or anything like that. but they listened to both of the songs and they all agreed that Skin came off as petty and childish. i think if she wanted the hate coming from everyone to stop, she could’ve found a mature way to do it. 

i think sabrina is incredibly talented. as is olivia and joshua. i don’t hate any one of them, and i absolutely do not wish anything bad upon any of them. the only thing i can hope for right now is that, they are all taking care of themselves mentally and physically. this situation is draining and i couldn’t imagine being them right now. 

but most of all, i hope they all grow from this experience. they are all young artists, learning and growing everyday. they are just like normal people, living their lives the only difference is that the entire world is watching them. and in life, we all make mistakes; josh, liv, sabrina are no exception to that. it’s natural to make a mistake, it’s natural to do something people won’t agree with. but what you learn from those mistakes proves the kind of person you are growing and trying to be. these three are teenagers/young adults that are learning and growing and we shouldn’t be tearing down a person when they are trying to build themselves up. 

i apologize if any of this sounds harsh, but it’s the truth - my truth. if you disagree with what i have to say, i’m sorry. i wanted to be honest. i’ve kept my mouth shut for a long time out of fear and just not wanting to get into things with others. but i wrote this for my own my peace of mind. tumblr has always been my safe place, and i truly hope it remains that way. 

spread love and kindness.

xx kels

[pro-fangirls-unsocial-life]

The Duty of a Captain - Part Two

A/N: Hello Everyone! So this is the first fic that I have written like this. Posting chapters once I’m finished with them. I usually try and write the whole thing and then post each chapter on a schedule, but I was just so excited to tell Doc’s story that I thought I’d try this! If you want to be tagged whenever I post a new chapter of Doc’s story, please message me and let me know! Oh! Ad the italics are Docs thoughts (sorry if thats not clear, Im still a learner lol).

Length: ~2600 words (damn I did not mean to make it that long. I thought maybe 1000 lol)

Warnings: mentions of death, blood, abuse, pong krell, angst

Previous

It had taken more time than usual to get all of the field equipment back to the Jedi cruiser Tolerance. With so many men being lost, there were not as many hands to get the usual post battle procedures done and General Krell was not happy with the delay.

 Doc had been called back to the cruiser before the rest of his men down on the surface to deliver the mission report to the Jedi council alongside the Besalisk Jedi. He had finished the troop requisitions and mission report hours ago and had begun helping the others load up equipment when he got the transmission.

 Now, as he held onto the handle of the gunship that had been sent to pick him up, he held his breath. He had never spoken to the Jedi council before, but he had heard stories. He remembered hearing his captain talking about how intimidating it was. How even from across the galaxy, they could feel the slightest thing. How the combined power of all of those Jedi masters was a force to be reckoned with. At least, that is what the general had told his former captain.

He was afraid to face that much power. If the other Jedi were anything like his general, he wanted the meeting with them to go by as fast as possible.

 He imagined what they might be like. He envisioned powerful warriors, all huge and intimidating like his general. With merciless eyes and a scowl that sent fear through the bodies of anyone who dared to look upon it. He imagined their lightsabers never being too far away from their hands, ready to be ignited and run through something or someone at a moment’s notice.

 Doc was pulled from his thoughts when the voice of the pilot came through his comms and he felt the ship being maneuvered into the main hanger. “We’re here sir.” The doors opened as the ship was set down, revealing Krell waiting in the hanger with his arms crossed behind his back.

 “Thanks for the lift Short-stuff,” Doc said as he stepped out onto the metal floor of the hanger.

 “Anytime sir.” The doors to the ship closed behind Doc as he began walking away, his hands reaching up to take off his helmet. “Oh, and sir?”

 Doc briefly stopped and looked up toward the cockpit, his hands halting on the sides of his head as the man stared back at him.

 “Good luck.”

 Doc finished pulling off his helmet, a small smile gracing his features as he gave the pilot a quick nod.

 “CT-5770, start moving! I have a mission report to give and will not be blamed for you making me late.”

 Doc spun around, quickly making his way to follow the general out of the hanger. “Yes, sir. My apologies, sir.”

 Krell dismissively waved his hand, not bothering to look behind him at Doc as he spoke. “Am I correct in assuming that you are ill equipped for this situation?”

 Doc furrowed his brow, thinking through what he had already done. He had already turned in the mission report, and the casualty and damage reports. What more could he do to be prepared? “Excuse me, sir,” he asked, confusion lightly lacing his voice.

 “Feeble minded clones,” Krell muttered under his breath. He stopped and spun around, looming over the captain. “You have never given a mission report to any Jedi before? Correct?”

 Doc swallowed and stood straighter, coming to attention. “Yes, sir. That is correct, but all troops are trained on Kamino to be knowledgeable about—”

 “Enough. I do not care about the laboratory that bred you or what you claim to know. Since you have never done it, let me give you some rules that I expect you to follow exactly. Is that understood?”

 “Of course, sir.”

 “Good.” Krell turned back around and kept walking toward the bridge. “You are to stand behind me at all times unless told otherwise. Understood?”

 “Yes, sir.”

 “You will remain silent and will only speak when spoken to directly by myself or the council.”

 “Yes, sir.”

 “When you are asked a question, you stick to the description of the battle that I give. The council does not have time to listen to your view of the smaller picture. Is that clear?”

 Doc hesitated for a moment. “Why would the battle descriptions be different?”

 The door to the bridge whooshed open and Krell walked up to the command table. “Do I make myself clear CT-5770,” Krell snapped over his shoulder.

 “Yes, sir,” Doc said, the hesitation still apparent in his voice.

 Krell threw a cold look over his shoulder as he stepped back, waiting for the transmission to begin. “Good.”

 Doc felt a shiver run down his back as he came to attention behind Krell. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves, afraid that the Jedi council would be able to sense his fear of them. Or worse, that Krell would be able to sense his unease about his presence alone.

 “Incoming transmission from Coruscant, sir.”

 “Put it through.”

 Nine blue figures suddenly appeared on the table and Doc’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise before he catches himself and returns to a neutral face.

 They don’t look anything like Doc had imagined them. All of them are wearing soft looking robes with their hands resting gently in front of them. Their lightsabers are tucked away, either out on a hip, or hidden within the fabrics they wear, far away from the hands that might wield them.

 They do not dress like warriors, not wearing any armor. Those that do only wear basic arm and leg guards.

 None of them look particularly threatening, especially considering that one is not even as tall as Doc’s knee.

 They all share the peaceful demeanor and kind eyes that one would find in the company of an old friend.

 “This can’t be right,” he thinks to himself. “This has to be some kind of trick to get me to slip up. Jedi aren’t kind.”

 Krell does a small bow. “Shall we wait for the other three members of the council to arrive, Master Yoda?”

 Doc once again has to keep himself from making a face when the small creature directly across from Krell speaks.

 “Masters Shaak Ti, Kenobi, and Billaba, busy they are with other matters. Hear your report without them, we will.”

 “That’s Grand Master Yoda? The head of the Jedi Council? The Jedi who leveled nearly one thousand battle droids by himself?”

 “Very well,” Krell said. “The mission was a success. The planet Castell is now under Republic control and a treaty has been drafted for the mining resources that the planet possesses. They have also agreed to a Republic base being built there should we desire it.”

 The Jedi to the left of Master Yoda shifts. “Yes, however this battle did take longer than expected. This has set our timeline for the entire system back.”

 “I am aware, Master Windu.”

 “And, many casualties your battalion has suffered,” Yoda said gravely.

 “Yes,” Krell considered. “There were some… unforeseen circumstances that could not be avoided.”

 “Liar.”

 “Hmm. A new captain you have gained I see,” Yoda said as he gestured to Doc.

 Doc stiffened, the fear he had before returning to him.

 “Yes,” Krell said. “The previous captain was killed on this campaign.”

 “Hmm.” Yoda brought his hand up to his chin as he looked over Doc. “Step forward Captain.”

 Doc swallowed and stepped forward, his body never leaving attention as he stared directly in front of him.

 All the eyes of the council were on him. He could feel them looking over him, taking in everything that they could see of his fear filled body.

 “What is your name trooper?”

 “My designation is CT-5770, sir,” he replied stiffly, not turning his eyes away from directly in front of him to look at the Jedi who had addressed him.

 “Your name son,” came a different voice. It was soft and gentle, like the person it came from actually cared.

 Doc faltered slightly, turning toward the voice to face the Kel-Dor Jedi. “It’s- It’s uhh, Doc, sir,” he said cautiously before turning back to attention.

 “Please, at ease be Captain.”

 Doc looked back at Krell and was met with a neutral face, giving him no indication to stay at attention. Looking back at Yoda, he awkwardly shuffled into a stiff parade rest.

 “Captain Doc,”

 Doc’s eyebrows shot up at the sound of his name being said by someone other than his brothers before he quickly forced them back down, hoping that none of the Jedi noticed. All of them did.

 “Agree with Master Krell’s description of the battle, do you?”

 “No.”

 “Yes, sir,” he said without hesitation, his fear of disobeying Krell’s rules pulsing in the back of his mind.

 The council hesitated for a moment, all of the members on it exchanging quick glances before looking back at Doc.

 “I sense much fear in you Captain,” the Kel-Dor Jedi said lightly.

 Doc sucked in a breath, trying to quiet his mind.

 The Kel-Dor leans forward, pointing at Doc. “You mustn’t be afraid to tell us information that we may not be pleased to hear.”

 “Yes,” Yoda says. “Tell us the truth you must, so that better prepared we can be for future battles.”

 Doc swallows, looking between the three Jedi who look at him with questioning faces.

 “I do not fear telling you the truth Master Jedi,” he lies as he looks at each member of the council.

 “So then Captain, tell us,” Windu says. “Do you agree with Master Krell’s description of the battle?”

 Doc hesitates for a moment, looking back at Krell and seeing hard eyes staring back at him. He takes a deep breath, turning his attention back toward Master Windu.

 “Well… I…” He quickly looks down, before bringing his head back up high.

 The members of the council lean forward, urging him to finish his thought.

 “I do think that there were ways we could have avoided so many casualties had we tried… different strategies.”

 The Jedi all look at each other, nodding. “Then discuss that with your general, you will,” Yoda says.

 He looks at Krell, whose expression Doc cannot see. “A discussion with your new captain, you will have. Then reassess the information you give in reports, you will. A discussion with you, I will have at a later date. Talk about what you and your captain agreed on, we will.”

 Krell’s voice cuts through the tight tension that has taken over the bridge as the deck officers take turns staring at the meeting. “Yes, master.”

 “Very good.” Master Windu looks around at all of the Jedi, who give him a soft nod. “Your next assignment will be transmitted to you within a few days. In that time, you are to travel to Kamino to pick up your new troopers.”

 “Understood.”

 Windu nodded at Krell and then Doc. “May the Force be with you.”

 One by one, the blue images of the Jedi faded out until only Yoda remained. “Much fear there is in you young one,” he said as he pointed at Doc. “Know not what it is you fear, but learn to control it, you must. Yes.”

 Doc looks at the ground before looking back at Yoda, nodding his head. “I will try sir.”

 “You will. Of that, certain I am.” He gives one final smile to Doc, and then his image disappears.

 Doc steps back from the table and instantly spins around toward his general, frantically trying to apologize. “Sir, I am so sorry. I didn’t know that they would—”

 Doc yelps as a huge arm hits him hard across the face, sending him tumbling backwards onto the ground. His helmet clatters as it hits the ground and is sent flying across the floor.

 He can feel his left eye pulsing as blood rushes to the area that was hit. He looks up to see his general towering over him with rage filling his eyes and a snarl covering his face.

 “Sir, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to—”

 “You will stand at attention when you speak to me clone!” Krell’s voice booms out across the silent bridge.

 Every pair of eyes stares at him in fear, while breath is held in anticipation.

 Doc begins pushing himself off of the floor, sucking in a sharp breath. “Yes, sir,” he says meekly.

 He comes back to attention, looking up at the furious Jedi, before Krell’s left arm comes up to backhand Doc once again, sending him to the floor.

 “How dare you embarrass me in front of the council!”

 Doc begins standing up once again, trying to come to attention. “I’m sorry sir! I didn’t mean to—”

 He feels Krell’s fist on his face again before he can fully get up and is sent to the floor once again.

 “Consider this a warning clone,” Krell says, his voice a menacing growl. “You will learn your place. Understood?”

 Doc brings his hand to his lip as he slowly gets up. He pulls it away to see blood on his glove before pulling his hand down to come to attention. He looks up at Krell defiantly, his left eye already beginning to swell and obstruct his vision. “Yes, sir.”

 Krell looks around at the troopers on the bridge that have been staring at them with wide eyes. “Understood?”

 As quick as lightning, they all snap to attention before saying in unison, “Sir, yes sir!”

 With that, Krell turned and began storming out of the bridge, stopping just before he got to the door. He turned around walking back up to Doc and getting in his space. “I still expect those reports to be filled out on time, Captain.”

 “Of course, sir,” Doc says, keeping his voice level.

 He watches Krell leave before looking around at the shocked and terrified faces of his brothers. He sighs, bringing his hand back up to his bleeding lip. “It’s alright,” he says softly, trying to comfort them. “Everyone just try to get back to your work so that this day might end a bit better than it began.”

 He looks around, seeing all of the fear on his brothers faces as they silently turn back to their duties. None of them are much older than him. Maybe three of the men he can see are the same age as him, but the rest are all younger.

 He sighs, trying not to think about how terrified they must be. He needs to be strong for them like his brothers were for him when he first began the never-ending nightmare of serving in the 904th.

 “Lieutenant,” he says.

 “Yes, sir?”

 “I am going to go to the med bay. Could you have someone go to the captain’s quarters and bring the data pad here? I am going to work on the bridge once I am done.”

 “Of course, sir.”

 Doc gives a small smile. “Thank you.” He lowers his voice. “Have someone notify me once the General has returned to his quarters for the night cycle. Once it has been cleared with me, begin phase one of the geode protocol. Can you do that?”

 The lieutenant pulls back, his eyes lighting up slightly at the mention of the secret order. “Of course, sir.”

 Doc puts his hand on the trooper’s shoulder, giving it a small squeeze. “Thank you.” He began to walk out of the bridge, stopping to turn back toward the lieutenant. “Comm me if anything is needed. Got it?”

 “Yes, sir.”

 With that, Doc began his walk toward the medbay, his lip dripping blood onto his plain white armor the entire time.

[prongsisabadger]

TWP Chapter 21

A shuttle took us to the Negotiator once we dropped the 501st and Master Skywalker off on their ship. A report had been given to the Jedi Council already. Eleven dead, several wounded. The price for an arrogant politician's actions. I had made it a point to stay silent the entire time, coming to terms with my feelings regarding the entire situation. My disdain for Chairman Cho, my indifference for his death, my inability to set it all aside and try to come to a peaceful solution.

I had failed as a Jedi, and yet it didn't feel like it. The silent, but powerful gratitude I felt in the clones when I visited the med bay made it all worth it. In the corridors, the 501st said nothing, but every clone I walked past either saluted me or patted my shoulder. There was no need for more. But in the back of my mind, I knew my behavior had not been that of a Jedi. The real question was: was that really wrong?

All of this I considered in silence, I had to sort my emotions on my own before I asked Master Kenobi the important questions. I needed to know the source of my hatred for Cho -other than the obvious-, the reason behind my protectiveness of the clones and my attachment to them. I needed to figure out if I was truly capable of feeling all of this but not let it dictate my actions. Was I capable of accepting the death of those around me and not let my grief turn into hatred? Was I capable of processing it all and letting it go? If I was in a situation where I couldn't really take my time to process it all, how would I react?

Master Kenobi decided not to comment on my silence, at least not until we were on board the Negotiator. He had probably felt my struggle and decided to give me some time to sort it all out. Master Kenobi, I'd realized, was the type of Master to be quietly supportive. He would give you time to figure things out on your own and only interfere if things felt like they were getting out of hand. He was the kind of person who knows when to shut up and when to interfere.

Unlike Master Plo, who decided to simply wait until I came to him with my concerns because he knew I trusted him enough to do so, and he trusted me to figure things out on my own in turn. I guess it was because of the nature of each master. Kenobi might have been a good negotiator, but at the end of the day he was a Guardian, always would be. There was no way he would stand idly by when he felt turmoil within his Padawan.

"You've been awfully quiet since we left orbit." He was trying to be casual about it, asking only when the only people around were a few maintenance droids and the hangar crew. "Don't get me wrong, it is nice to have a Padawan who can stay still for a change, but the Force does not lie, Kriari. What's on your mind?"

I smiled, I'd have to ask him about that some other time.

"I don't know if Master Plo ever told you, but I'm not good with emotions -feeling them that is." I started "I'm more mentally oriented and feelings confuse me a lot. I'm trying to sort mine out and understand them. That way, if I know how I respond emotionally to certain situations, I can know what to expect of myself in the future. It makes not giving into them a bit easier."

This seemed to amuse Obi-Wan.

"Emotions are very volatile, and they are meant to be felt, not thought, young one. Analysing them will only get you so far."

We started to make our way out of the hangar and towards the elevators, we had to meet with Commander Cody for debriefing and status reports on the 212th.

"I know that, Master, but it doesn't hurt to try. It's also an excuse to reevaluate my relationships with the people around me. I might not have acted on impulse in Orto Plutonia, but I did let my feelings get the best of me. Charman Cho-"

"You did nothing wrong in Orto Plutonia, Kriari. The Chairman was a test on the resolve of all of us present. Not acting on your emotions does not mean you don't get to feel them. You are entitled to your own opinion on the man and his actions. The Force knows it was a test for all three of us to keep it together." He said as the doors to the upper level opened. "You forget you are a Padawan, this is the time for you to make mistakes and learn from them, don't be so hard on yourself."

It was at times like these that I realized just how lucky I had been when I'd been assigned both my masters. They were understanding and compassionate, but they knew where to draw the line. Master Kenobi, as a Guardian, often took a more direct approach to every situation, while Master Plo was willing to wait and let things pan out before acting. It was a good thing that I was Padawan to both. One appealed to my rational side, and the other to my intuition, but both of them knew where my priorities lied and respected that.

Cody was waiting for us at the bridge, but the Force around him wasn't calm and collected as usual, something had happened. If I'd felt it, then Master Kenobi had too, but when I looked at him all I saw was his unmoveable exterior. To me, Master Plo felt safe because he was a comforting presence, someone who would validate your fears but guide you through them. Master Kenobi -on the other hand- felt safe because he was strong, supporting, immovable like a pillar holding the ceiling above your head even in the face of an earthquake.

"You have news for us, I gather, Cody." Said my Master.

"I do, Sir," started the commander before turning on a holo map on the tactical table. "We have received a transmission from Naboo. Senator Amidala has found a Separatist lab within the system and has requested Jedi intervention."

What was the saying, again? No rest for the wicked?

...

I adjusted my new armour as I exited my quarters aboard the Negotiator. After the other set had been all but melted off my back, Master Kenobi put a few of his men to work on a new one. This one still had the original gray design of the Pack on the left arm, but the right one now sported a straight yellow line that ran from my shoulder to my wrist. The chest piece had been left its original white, and the symbol of the Jedi order had been moved to where my heart was. When I asked about it, Master Kenobi shot a side glance at Cody and grinned. The Clone Commander blushed lightly. It was so that I could blend in easier in the 212th -he said- scratching nervously at the back of his head. It was heartwarming, the fact that -even after working together for a short while- Cody was still welcoming me into the battalion as if I'd been there the entire time.

Clone loyalty was something that had baffled me from the very beginning. Even during the first assault on Geognosis, the clones had welcomed me in as one of their own, and even after that, some of them remained my closest friends. Art, Twitch, Boost, Wolffe, and even Headfirst had shown their loyalty time and time again. Not only by saving my life and having my back, but also by showing me they cared.

Wolffe tried to keep me safe at every turn, he monitored me closer than anyone else and made sure I was level headed in the field. Art made sure not to pry every time I sat down to get tattooed. He knew the weight of those names, he never asked how many names I had left, or if I was planning to stop at some point. He made sure each stroke was precise so it didn't need going over. He never asked if I was tired of it or if I didn't think I had too many already. Twitch made sure to check on my mental health even when he wasn't assigned to watch me, he would recommend books or bands or holo shows to keep my mind entertained and away from the battlefield. Headfirst made sure to spar with me every time one of us had the time, and he insisted it was so that I wouldn't lose my touch.

And the men of the 212th were starting to warm up to me quickly too. Their loyalty to their General extended to me as well, so it took little convincing for them to acknowledge me as a part of their battalion.

They had all proved to me time and time again that they would be risking their lives for me as much as I'd been doing for them, not because it was their duty, but because they wanted to keep me alive.

I double checked that I had both my lightsaber and my Kel Dor mask before finally stepping into the hangar. I decided that -since we were going to infiltrate a laboratory- it was in my best interest to have something to help filter the air around me. I did not put it past the separatists to use biological warfare when it would clearly give their droid forces an advantage over an army of life forms. Even if blowing up the entire facility would only compromise Naboo instead of the dozens of systems they were aiming for.

After receiving further information from Naboo, Masters Kenobi and Skywalker decided that a smaller taskforce was probably better in close quarters. Master Kenobi and I would be taking a single squad made up of two teams of four. The bomb diffusing team would go in with General Kenobi, and the assault team would come with me. Master Skywalker and Ahsoka would be doing the same. The aim was to capture the lab, its resident chemist and rescue both Senator Amidala and Representative Binks without setting off any of the bombs that contained an airborne version of the Blue Shadow virus. It was a delicate operation, and the stakes were higher than ever.

My master and the rest of the squad were waiting for me aboard the LAAT/i that would take us to the surface where we would have one last briefing before storming the facility. The men were doing last minute checks on their armour integrity and weapons function as the pilot closed the blast doors and carefully started the taking off sequence. In my head I went over the plan once again and did a mental checklist on everything I had on me. Mask, check; lightsaber, check; armour, check; names of the team…

I realized I had never worked closely with any of the 212th before, and there had been no time for introductions right then, rescue missions needed to be quick. I introduced myself to the four troopers that would be working with me. Waxer, Boil, T.H. and Ginger introduced themselves in turn. they had heard a lot about me from Rex, they said. Which only made me dread what the Captain might have told them. I hoped nothing about my tendency to catch fire.

But there was no time for that now. We arrived at Theed in no time, and there was a meeting to attend. The plan was simple: Ahsoka and I would be leading our teams through one of the lab's entrances and creating a distraction so that our Masters could disarm the bombs and rescue the hostages. I was confident we could make it with minimal casualties. And even if ours was the most action packed mission, I would rather face droids than try and diffuse bombs before the virus killed us all.

As it turns out, it didn't really matter what I wanted. In war, if something could go wrong, it would. And this mission was no exception.

[paperclipninja]

Younger post-ep ramble 6x04

Well now, we’ve hit a rather interesting point in the season now haven’t we? Can you say DRAH-MAH. This week’s episode, ‘An Inside Glob’, sees the tension that’s been mounting in the first three episodes of season 6 reach boiling point. And then boil over. Into a restaurant full of onlookers. Then onto Reddit. Lol. Now I may be biased because of my love of Miriam Shor (or I am simply an appreciator of good directing when I see it), but this week’s ep was so well put together, it felt like there was ample room for each scene to breathe and the pacing overall felt significantly less frantic than it sometimes does. There was a familiarity, for lack of a better word, about the structure and the feel of this ep, not to mention the writing left me legit laughing out loud many times throughout. The writers are bringing it this season. We also see the welcome return of two faves: Charles’ three-piece suit and Liza’s silver-suit power-tude. Let’s dive on in.

You always know it’s going to be a good ep when it opens with a loft heart-to-heart between Liza and Maggie, but not before Liza meets Maggie’s new boo Beth (with Liza’s ‘ew’ and hand wiping after Maggie tells her they just finished a session equal parts gold and gross). Their whole interaction, from the ‘I promise not to call him Chaz’ (was anyone else hoping she would call him Chaz, because I was HANGING for a Chaz drop at dinner. There’s still time...), to Liza sharing her concerns that Charles is secretly financing a new company and Maggie trying to justify all the coincidences and reassure her, it was just premium bff content. Not to mention a great set-up for the episode and follow on from the last one.

Liza continues to try and allay her suspicions about Charles by getting Kelsey’s view of the funding source after the morning meeting with my new fave power-trio (quick poll: Zane always looking like a dog who just ate your pizza - accurate or nay?) and Diana brings the top quality delivery of one liners right from the get-go as we’re introduced to this week’s author, Bronwyn Madigan (aka, the cash cow whose milk Millennial could use...yes, D. Trout, you did need to say that). Apparently baby boomers like to top off their reading of erotica with a good meatloaf (actual meatloaf, get your minds out of the euphemistic gutter) and that is now two foodstuffs I have a strained relationship with following this ep of Younger. Liza is able to quash her spidey senses re: the Mercury money briefly, as Kelsey reveals she’s been doing some digging and discovered the company is operating out of the financial district, therefore obviously it’s a big media company behind it. Obviously...

Lo and behold Kelsey marches her feisty self down to the Mercury office to confront Zane and weaves through hopeful start-up founders in a co-working space to find him (also, are AirPods a pre-req to land a job at Mercury?). Their entire exchange had a couple of ‘whoa’ moments for me. Exhibit A, when discussing how Zane secured Audrey Colbert’s book:

Kelsey: ‘So you slept with her? God, that is completely unethical. And so creepy”

Zane: ‘But it’s fine when you do it?’

File under: T for TRUTH. Not gonna lie, I almost applauded. I would have filed under H for Hypocrite except the next part of the conversation, in which Kelsey throws the accusation that Zane went after Audrey because he knew she was (and I’m with Zane on this one, she is going to need to learn to suck it up when Millennial loses out on books, our pal Kels is on one steep learning curve), followed with, ‘that book was important to me and you knew it’, goes straight to the H folder. How does Zane know it? Could it be because Kelsey told Zane she was going after Audrey’s book? Even after he told her he had a job, that he was just waiting for everything to line up and considering his history of swooping in and being competitive? While they are not fully comparable situations, I found this a bit rich considering the grief Kelsey gave Liza for discussing business with Charles (I get that was her insecurity and feeling he would interfere), when her discussions with Zane have seemingly led him to going after this book. Which is 100% in character for him btw.

I have been liking a lot of Kelsey’s boss moments this season but this week it certainly felt like she was in way over her head. At her lunch with Lauren, yet another combo I thoroughly enjoy on my screen, we once again see Lauren being the relentlessly supportive friend she always is and educating Kelsey on the dos and don’ts of dating apps (surely Kelsey knew that deleting an app doesn’t delete your profile right??? Putting it down to stress amnesia). Pointing out that putting your job title on your dating profile if it is in any way a potential threat to male ego is a big no-no (’this kind of over-accomplishment only works if you’re trying to pick up women’), Lauren offers up that Kelsey suffers from BDE. Of course we later discover that rather than big dick energy, Kelsey is suffering bald dude energy, confirmed by her alopecia diagnosis. I did so enjoy Kelsey’s dramatic reactions, ‘just keep an eye out ok?’, to the whole ordeal and it certainly added another element to the rising tension.

Cue hilarious conversation with Diana about her own battle with hair loss (not on her head) along with the rest of her ailments (shingles seems to be a running theme this season. Did someone in the writers room have a shingles flair up recently after reading a particularly terrible autobiography or suffer month-specific breakouts aka Diana’s electric tube top? Need to know). Even though it was not making Kelsey feel better necessarily, this was Diana being supportive in her own way and I am just here for it every day of the week. I think what I enjoyed most about the office scenes in this episode, aside from every single line that came out of Diana’s mouth, were the moments that were reminiscent of the old office dynamic. From Diana bleating ‘Liza’ as she enters Liza’s office (still can’t believe that’s a thing) with the idea of advertising erotica on the bike kiosks to the sarcasm when Liza asks ‘Bronwyn’s?’ and Diana responds with ‘no, my own’. We finally get to meet author of ‘The Seasoned Slut’ (loving the guest casting this season btw) who oozes a self-assurance that only serves to emphasise her reason for not re-signing with Millennial: that her problem ‘is with the lack of value placed on experience’. Ugh, I loved this line. 

I loved it because it is an absolute reality, especially for women in the workplace, and goes hand in hand with the ageism this show’s entire premise was built upon. I loved it because this show tells us that experience is and should be valued through Zane’s comment in episode one, that Kelsey should not lose Diana as she is the best in the business and Kelsey telling Diana that she values and respects her. And I loved this line because the set-up for this season remains true to the original premise and challenges it at the same time, taking another look at the role age/experience and gender play in success and reinventing yourself. Did I mention I love this show?

Liza’s reaction to the question of ‘where is the grey hair in the room?’ was also noted, a nice reminder that the age-lie is still in play and is never far from the surface. The other thing I loved in the meeting with Bronwyn was Diana’s horror that she a) might be considered the demographic for her books and b) ‘do people think I’m her age?’ I cannot imagine a time I will ever watch this line and not roar with laughter. I also love that that was the main takeaway Diana had from the whole BJ comment this woman just casually dropped in as she exited, you know, as one might mention they know a great bagel place you might enjoy nearby. 

Josh’s parenting journey continues to unfold as he gets his first overnight stay with Gemma, but not before experiencing some kind of parental rite of passage and being squirted in the face with breast milk. I know there is a lot of mistrust of Clare out there in the internet but I will keep saying this week after week, I am so enjoying seeing Josh and Clare navigating this modern-day parenting arrangement together. I appreciate Josh’s desire to be there for both Clare and Gemma in any way he can and I appreciate that Clare appears to be open and wanting the same. I am not the biggest fan of baby storylines in general but I tell you what, to see Lauren pacing up and down cradling this little person, I am 100% pro-baby. This is one of my favourite moments of the whole episode and just when I thought there couldn’t possibly be any more layers to Lauren Heller, I get the up-all-night-with-crying-baby Lauren and I simply cannot: ‘I have been up all night with a crying baby. Why? I don’t know, because the rest of you either don’t have ears or you don’t have souls’. Early contender for line of the season. Kelsey’s bag-of-hair inducing scream finally wakes Josh and Lauren’s reaction, for him to ‘get it together man, Kelsey doesn’t need this’, epitomises Lauren’s selfless nature (which I just love as it seems so contradictory to her sometimes self-absorbed tendencies). It was not because she was up all night with his child, it was that Kelsey was in the midst of a crisis that Lauren needed Josh to pull it together and it just reinforces yet again what a multi-dimensional, caring character she is. And yes Josh, you are the dad, not the babysitter (kudos for this Alison Brown) so you may need to learn to sleep a little more lightly or something FYI.

Kelsey’s hair stress continues to play out as she runs into Maggie, who was also hoping to make a covert pharmaceutical purchase and the two wander back to Maggie’s for the scene I have been looking forward to since the possibility of such a scene came into play. I am of course talking about dinner at the loft and the integration of Charles into the friend circle. Kelsey’s freak out seems to be hitting fever pitch as she asks Beth for advice but this is soon interrupted by the arrival of Charles and Liza, who come bearing blackout cake (which I googled and holy chocolate pudding it looks AMAZING) in the most adorbs coupley entrance and don’t mind me, just having a quiet gush over here. Ok, I’m done. While Kelsey is over chatting with her old boss, Beth puts her naturopathy into practice by suggesting Maggie take a more natural approach to treating her yeast infection, doing some seasoning of her own to let a clove of garlic work its magic. Between jalapeno dick and garlic vag, this show loves to make us consider our spices in a whole new light.

This entire dinner party scene was next level, I want to frame a picture of it and put it on my wall because yes. We have casual, relaxed Charles, who is the first to ask if there is garlic bread on the menu (I love so much that he was the first to smell it) and seriously, from this moment, the unfolding of the garlic saga was nothing short of amazing. Kelsey was so amped this whole scene, she’s like a tightly wound ball and it was palpable. Her interjections as she commented that it smells like an everything bagel and agreement about the garlic knot and escargot were just brilliant contrasts to her otherwise increasing intensity. I so adored seeing Kelsey and Charles interacting casually and seeing what this would (ahem, could have) look like. But Kelsey asking Liza if she’d told Charles about Brownyn Madigan...I’m sorry, but how could she WHEN SHE CAN’T TALK ABOUT WORK WITH CHARLES? This bit made my head hurt a bit. Surely Liza in that moment must have been thinking the same (also Liza’s moment of identifying a garlic knot, so so good). 

What I love most about this scene is that we have Kelsey’s conversation getting more intense by the minute as she jumps from unloading about the stress of work, to Zane and his new venture, before finally climaxing with her ‘who is it?’ declaration, all the while having zero suspicion that Mercury’s investor is sitting right beside her. Side note: I really like Charles’ comment that he’s sure it is business, not personal re: Zane. I think it’s interesting considering the stereotype that women are too emotional vs. men and I’m curious to see how this plays out this season as Kelsey finds her feet. Meanwhile, Charles is trying to have a nice double date with his gf, while also keeping a secret that is the cause of much of the distress Kelsey is sharing with the table, while Liza takes the opportunity to make Charles squirm by pressing the point about the money for Zane’s venture coming from somewhere. It’s such an intricate web and of course parallel to that is Maggie’s secret vagina garlic that has the whole room assuming some kind of paranormal baking is taking place before Maggie responds to Kelsey’s ‘who is it?’ with, ‘it’s me!’ and it was just too much. My reaction was the same as everyone around the table when Maggie announced the source of the garlicky aroma, what a dinner party (and what a way for Charles to avoid any further scrutiny).

I am so glad that the conversation that needed to happen finally did this week and that was, of course, Liza confronting Charles about his involvement in Mercury. Oy, my heart. It broke a little when Liza gave Charles the opportunity to come clean and he didn’t and she had to ask so directly. It was so good to hear these two talking, like properly talking, and Charles explaining that he had to make choices in order to be with Liza but he never wanted to give up publishing for good was great insight into the journey Charles has been on post-Empirical, especially as we really haven’t been privy to that. I felt for both of them at various stages during the conversation. I do believe Liza understands why Charles would want to reinvent himself but I also understand why she would feel so hurt that he would keep such a huge thing from her (although again, they’d agreed not to talk about work at Liza’s request so *insert shrug emoji here*). 

But it does highlight an ongoing issue which I really hope gets properly addressed sometime soon and that is where Liza’s loyalties lie. I think it is unquestionably not ok that Charles set up a rival company while Chairman of the Board of Millennial, for obvious reasons. However, had he told Liza, she would have felt compelled to tell Kelsey, which I have no doubt Charles knows and would expect as she is the publisher, so in not telling Liza he is yes protecting his own interests but also stopping her from being in a compromised position. So while Charles’ secrecy is disappointing, so is Liza’s text to Kelsey the following morning asking to meet before work after Charles asked specifically that she tell no one about him financing Mercury just yet. 

This episode comes to a head at Suffolk House in a most spectacular fashion. Hilary Duff really did knock this entire ep out of the water with her acting, I cannot heap enough praise on her for the entire performance. You just knew it was gonna be good when Liza turned up as Kelsey was intercepting Bronwyn in an attempt to convince her that Zane was a bitter ex-employee (not very professional IMO but we won’t focus on that for now), only to discover that Bronwyn didn’t know Zane from a wart on her butt (delightful). She was in fact there to meet...dun-dun-dunnnnn...Charles (shout-out to the three piece suit, always a welcome sight, did not disappoint)! Kelsey was justifiably angry, however the stark contrast in experience and maturity was well and truly on show as she proceeded to express herself very loudly and publicly, despite Charles and Zane suggesting they step outside. Zane clocked the smart phone filming the entire incident and you just knew that Kelsey’s outburst was going to come back to bite her.

Regardless of whether Kelsey was in the right or wrong, she certainly came off worse in the way she handled it. My favourite part of the scene was Liza FINALLY re-awakening that gutsy silver suit wearing power, her turning and telling Bronwyn that Charles called her books matron lit was this season’s manuscript drop. And thank f-ing god. One of the things I’ve always loved about the Liza/ Charles dynamic is that Liza stands up for herself with him when she doesn’t with so many others and she is not afraid to call him out, which has been missing these past couple of eps. So now that that has been restored, I am legit so excited to see how this relationship moves forward.

The ramifications of the restaurant confrontation are of course trending on Reddit by the next morning, and Liza and Diana have the unenviable job of delivering the news that even though Charles was in the wrong for setting up the company the way he did, he has since resigned from the board and a number of authors are making noise about jumping ship to Mercury (I was going to say that I think Kelsey might have preferred it if her eyebrows actually had fallen off in that moment but I feel like that’s probs false).

The fact that Kelsey and Charles are pitted against one another as publishers and Liza and Zane as editors provides the most glorious opportunity to explore the ideas of reputation vs. experience. vs. gender vs. fresh ideas and I am so here for it, so damn excited, and so sure that whatever ends up playing out this season, it will be nothing that I expect. In the meantime I’m going to compile every Diana Trout line from this episode into a ringtone because what workplace wouldn’t want Diana talking about nutcracker’s oesophagus ringing through the open-plan office?