#i feel like im going insane and tonight it's esp bad so i need to.... vent :$
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#i feel like im going insane and tonight it's esp bad so i need to.... vent :$#some time ago i had the fortune of a very very wonderful person entering my life. and since day one BOOM i think of them every single day#im not even exaggerating.. like every single day i just think and daydream of them. i've had sm extra inabiloty to focus -#bc i just need to constantly stop and think of them.....#there is so much abt them to adore and admire. so much!!!! i didnt know someone like them could exist..#i love talking to them and i just wanna kno everything there is to know abt them!!! everything regarding interests me#there's also the aspect of how i feel talking to them. i know they dont judge the same way as other ppl do so it's easier to talk to them#tho i still have avpd so i often start over explaining myself and get insecure etc etc. i need to get out of my head!!!!#idk.. idk... it has never been like this for me. so im also scared#what do i do.. how do i navigate this? i've never been here before and i feel lost even if it's def not a bad place to be in#every single day... i just wish that i could be with them more and more. this wish never calms down it just gets bigger#but. how? how do i break this loop and make it into reality? is it only gonna stay as a desire and a daydream? :(( i rlly dont want that#im scared too. bc what if i want and can make it my reality but it just wont happen? what if it just wont#im also not the only one in this equation that decides. what if... i have to face rejection.. what if im a disappointment. what if what if#i dont know!! i only know that i think of them all day every day. it gets more nd more intense each day.#i also get more sure that it's what i want...#anywayyyy. im actually.. driving myself insane with how obsessively i think of this#i cant quite put it into words but i had to get at least some of it off my chest#like how. do i express my feelings to them. how do i turn it into reality. how do i face that fear of the unknown and smth i've never done#but also how do i face that fear and prepare for the fact that even if i want smth dreams made into reality cant be certain.#there r so many life things that decide what happens too.... not just my will and desire#but as well as.. how do i prqepare myself to deal with the potential oh whoops maybe im the only one who rlly want this.#maybe this is onesided maybe my feelings just flew out of control nd idk how to reel them back in whoops.#like i dont know at all what could happen.. all i know is what i wish.. hmm gosh this is all just making my head spin every day.
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🐕 ok baby im so sorry for this literal. giant list. BABY YOU SAID YOU WERE WEIRD ABOUT MUSIC, THAT YOU WERE ANNOYING ABOUT MUSIC, ECT ECT WHATEVER I FUCKING CHALLENGE YOU BECAUSE I AM NOT FUCKING!!!!! NORMAL ABOUT MUSIC !!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM DISGUSTING ABOUT MUSIC!!!!!
babe i even CATEGORIZED them bc theres so FUCKING MANY !!
also i did do cws on some songs i had concerns ab? the ones w !s are ones im super unsure ab. also aaaa u dont have to listen to any of these but,. u awaked the demon,, BEAST in me.
i have also fdhgkjdsfg listened to most of the songs in ur post but my brain is also mushy after listening to all of these and making this list so i shall. give thoughts Later. xoxo (its also late hehe)
my top faves <3 (if u like these i am skipping the making out part and going straight to fucking u)
this is your night - amber
no one ever really dies - mystery skulls
magic original demo - mystery skulls
these dont rlly have lyrics but i literally listened to them on repeat when i was writing the novel length asks to u so if u want ur brain to melt like mine while i was writing those...,, <3<3
(cw: a bit loud/high pitched and really weird music? ravey)
desktopbuddy - nanoray
dogwalk2000 - nanoray
dog bus (ft telemist) - metaroom
worm rave - metaroom
songs i feel ud like based on ur music taste ive seen (plsss tell me if u like them bc i will happily rec more i just feel bad w how long this list FUCKING IS)
until we get there - lucius
don't just sit there - lucius
wasting time - hoax
western medicine - hoax
into the blackhole - hoax
winter - daughter
the only exception - paramore
are you bored yet? - the wallows
don't you wonder? - jagged jaw
tonight is - jagged jaw
the comedienne - parenthetical girls
who'd have known - lily allen
somewhere only we would know - lily allen (this is a cover but god its my fav version so)
come to me - goo goo dolls (baby im ngl i think leon would love this song)
true love - coldplay
juliet - cavetown
lemon boy - cavetown (cavetown is a trans king please support his music <3 mwah mwah)
relax, take it easy - mika (ngl this one is a bit more of a shot in the dark buttt)
together - mystery skulls (same as above tbh)
these r from like 1 artist i rlly like but bby i am sure u will NOT like their music,, kinda like the nanoray and metaroom ones but like worse. !!WILL!! make ur brain melt. (trust me when i say i HANDPICKED thru their music,,,,)
kill screen - machine girl (!!!!cw: yelling! im only including this bc its one of my top FAVES. it goes so hard holy shit. if ur comfy with it listen from 2:55-end cus theres no yelling, its just such fucking GOOD buildup to the BEST part of the fucking song [3:18] i9ts literally. AHH)
post rave maximalist - machine girl (cw: has some sirens and airhorns? theyre not loud tho.)
freewill - machine girl
nine minutes and forty three seconds - machine girl (bro this album is like straight up not your alley this is the only song without screaming in it LOL)
cloud99 (as above mix) - machine girl
lilith - machine girl
cyan hardcore - machine girl
sin to win! - machine girl
IM OBSESSED W THESE AND THEY NEED MORE LOVE
my favorite color is you - revenegeinkyoto (!!!!cw: yelling--mostly exclamatories and parts of the bridge, the ending is a bit heavy w it tho--, yandere song, heavy metal)
don't go insane - dpr ian (THEREVE BEEN SO MANYT LEON EDITS TO IT AND GGGRRRRRR GRHHHH RHHHH that one part GURLL iykyk but ITS A GOOD SONG REGARLESS AHHHGGGHHHH)
the memory viewer - sugary sweet machines
talkative revolver city slicker (/or/) resume song - sugary sweet machines (these are 2 songs that (at their core) are essentially the same but are different enough that i pick them based on which im just feelin more,) (OK SO ALSO these r from the ost of an indie game and IDK if i can rec the game personally (i found it during a very dark part of my life) but the ost and esp these songs are hella banger and i really want the artist to get more love for them)
megatronic - powerman 5000 (cw: not yelling but heavily synthetic sounding? hard music xP)
benzie box - danger doom (THIS. GOES. SO. HARD.)
boys & girls - will.i.am (BI SONG? BI SONG?)
gekka no yasoukyoku - malice mizer (cw: not english) (THIS GOES SOOOO HARD its literally. so good. i try to avoid reccing songs not in english but this is too good to not)
cipher peon battle - pokemon colosseum (it makes me feel epic lol)
overrated but i love them
little dark age - mgmt (i literally make amvs in my head about re2 leon in my car while listening to this song i am obsessed. Obsessed.)
wasted summers - juju<3 (fuck ppl who hate on this honestly like can ppl not have fun with music? let indie musicians have fun !! hes literally making a song with his sister thats the sweetest shit ever!!!!!!!!!! also honestly this song kinda hurts if u relate ngl pookie)
rhinestone eyes - gorillaz (iykyk,, that edit introduced me to this song but it FUCKS !!)
take me to church - hozier (look. -foams at mouth- thats all.)
mary on a cross - ghost
idk where to categorize these :v
the wolf - siames (I LOVE THIS THE EVERYTHING THE ANIMATION THE DOGGIE !!! woof woof)
can't get you out of my head - kylie minogue
better off alone - alice deejay
hypnocurrency - deadmau5
gyrate - rezz
j-boy - phoenix
credits song for my death - vivivivivi
i would do anything for you - foster the people (i ALMOST put this in faves bc god i am,, obsessed w this song but, i feel like its bully material so.)
sit next to me - foster the people
the sweet escape - gwen stefani (look i always loved this song, but i have a leon edit of this song saved to my phone and i watch it Daily)
my love - justin timberlake (me and leon. i also have a leon edit to this i watch daily.)
bloody mary - lady gaga
you like early 2000s type music? cringe? this is for u bbg
(cw: cringe, ravey)
pretty rave girl - s3rl (PLSLSSSS I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCHH GRRHHRGRRHHGHHDHDGSGDFSDFGGFHSD)
blame you - romanceplanet
bleed (runaway) - romanceplanet
lollipop (candyman) - aqua
ok this is stupid but im ngl im putting songs that make me think of leon in some way here (considering making my own playlist of stuff for him lmk if my taste is good enough boo ;* /j)
with you - linkin park (!!!!cw: yelling. (im including this bc i just want to say leon would fucking love this song. id make out with and grind on him at a house party to this song,, that is all). the yelling isnt super loud but the music is screechy during the parts so it might make u uncomfy? be safe if u listen boo, its alil on the harder side of songs)
cure for the itch - linkin park (cw: the beginning has a brief moment where theres a loud announcer? other than that this fucks, goes HARD.)
under the bridge - red hot chili peppers (WHEN I WAS LOOKING FOR,,, ROCK AND GRUNGE TO LISTEN TO bc i am obsessed with leon ehehe THIS SONG LATCHED ONTO MY BRAINSTEM,,,,,,thinking ab holding his hand while this plays on our mixtape while we drive to our coffeeshop date in raccoon city,,.,,,,u//w//u)
smells like teen spirit - nirvana (!!cw: screamy? i think? i cant tell if im desensitized to screaming in music or sm LMFAO its a song i scream when i sing it tho so) (also i KNOW this is a generic pick but it goes so hard!!!!!!!!!!!! leon Literally listens to this like its just canon)
talking in your sleep - the romantics (baby im so sorry i cant explain this one i also want to fuck michael afton and thats bleeding into my lust for leon)
no friend of mine - aimless device (THIS IS SO GOOD I WISH IT WAS MORE POPULAR)
hyena - aimless device
nobody's real - powerman 5000 (cw: its a lil bit hard of a song) (i cant explain this honestly leon would just listen to powerman and this would be his fave)
i'm not in love - 10cc (look look here ok listen to my vision. leon trying to convince himself hes not actually head over heels for you. i think its cuter with re2 leon hehe hes so cutie pookie BUT. [im not personally into aeon But..] PLEASE imagine him just laying in bed listening to this because hes still hurt over ada but hes falling so hard and fast for you. and hes scared. TERRIFIED even, <3 dont worry babyboy ill treat you so well)
yellow - coldplay
the scientist - coldplay
always in my head - coldplay (ok look i tried really hard to not put in so many coldplay songs but, listen. coldplay just feels so fucking aeon for you aeon enjoyers)
sweetest goodbye - maroon 5
sunday morning - maroon 5
my console - eiffle 65 (look. its Funny.)
separate ways (worlds apart) - journey
away from the sun - 3 doors down
here without you - 3 doors down
my precious - lifehouse
hanging by a moment - lifehouse
last child - aerosmith
jaded - aerosmith
turn up the radio - autograph
lullaby - the cure
last kiss - pearl jam (cw: kinda descriptive singing about the scenario of a loved one dying, brief mentions of religion) (he wouldnt relate to this song at all but i KNOW mans would cry to it)
(i could dig up more for this section but baby i do not wanna bore you with retro songs)
actually fuck i could put so many more songs period but this is probably already a 5 hr playlist atp eheh sorry
if u want i could make an actual playlist if u ACTUALLY wanna listen to ts so its not such a pain going thru dhjksdfhgsdkg (tho theres a few songs that arent on spotty bc its stinky :( )
🐕
the most hilarious part about this is that the only song on this gigantic list that i recognize is don’t go insane BUT NOT EVEN BECAUSE OF LEON i just like dpr ian he’s so pretty :3
also i think ill be able to put them into a playlist myself !! dw i don’t wanna make u go through the effort!! i shall attempt to listen to everything!!
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So Declan loved me and we talked about science and lab babies and clones and all that. So He told me he loved me because i was the first person to really really listen and understand as opposed to being the one to teach.
And so he had understood what he was taught then developed and built upon it correctly with help from his own brain and God. And del Muerte whom helped me understand as well cause that shit was mind blowing.
So he asked me to have his soul mate. To give birth to her.
And I was pretty much dragged out and Declan ran the show after that.
I agreed but it was more like a thing where i had to focus and talk instead of fainting.
So Matt actually helped to implant because I have an upturned uterious and so things like that are painful because of the rigidity and non flexible as i need materials used while Jeremiah comforted and helped me relax.
So then essentially i was kidnapped.
Declan is part clone and part Neanderthal.
Annabelle is part clone and part Neanderthal.
So some of us from Michael Jackson's boarding school --- although I wasn't i stayed there alot on my own. So i was part of it, unofficially as i am a civilian doing military shit now. --- have clones in a laboratory. But they are miniature human size as they are kept in barbie size containers.
Since Declan was a clone Jesse gave permission to make, they said i should use a clone.
It took 5 eggs until Declan approved the child that would be created in the embryo. Del Muerte communicated to us what God said.
Most males get their soul mates at age 7. Declan was only 2 years old. So God hadnt had enough experience to program or create his perfect soulmate.
So it just so happened it was 2 years of plus 5 embryos which makes the year 7 while added together.
So when Annabelle was born Declan came to get me and her but my now ex-husband got me all fucked up and i had amnesia and all that and i remember the power struggle type issues while signing the birth certificate which is why i get child support as my ex swore bla bla bla and signed papers to those statements but I was all "Dude while he's signing let's run!" Because he pissed me off during that time and i was all no hes wrong and all... But I guess I was scared of him or his aura csused me confusion or Idk. I remember feeling sick.
So craziness. We are 16 years late. And unfortunately yet fortunately a lot of research was done and i have a lot of government apology money coming my way. Which i don't have yet.... But soon.
This is Cambria AvaLynn named after Alexis Dejoria.
Because Matt's parents were into hiding, they named him after a mat. A common object so in case of ESP feom the people they hid from they would think "welcome mat" like welcome to travel with us son named Matt. Welcome to eat at the dining table, Matt. Well, come, Matt.
So came or come because i would always want to see Matt so I would say "You came!!!" When i saw him and hug him and he would say "welcome"
And Bria after me.
Turning the x into a v (for Victory) and Lynn as in the 80s most of my friends on the military base i lived on has Lynn as their middle names. So to remind me she is a friend.
She's my child that was ectopic due to the sponges Jamie & Doug Otis found and reminded us of. But we went to the hospital because i began to hemmoragge and they were able to save her and her twin.
Then my mom killed her and he died naturally as he was in ICU TO experiment on them being raised/healed as premies temporarily as one within an incubator and the other skin to skin contact. As woman need to be comforted more, we picked Ava to bring home.
They were the first experiment with soul mates being born as twins. Both clones of my and Jeremiah and his being Ava and my being the male Andrew.
Andrew after Jesse... "And he drew" cause he was always drawing beautifully.
And the other clones were of Jesse James and Alexis.
Alexis got kidnapped by her dad and so the story goes... I did too Eventually
Jeremiah's dad helped us as the grandparent in house.
This is Declan.
He told Jeremiah "I'm not the one sitting around waiting with a pouted lip waiting for someone to do it for me. Now i found the woman and go get my kid!!"
Dude WTF I'm not having someones kid... I'm only 21!!
"Now im the man around the house and what I say goes!!! And you are going to have my kid!!"
Dude whatever. So i did dream into the lab with them but... I thought we were just playing and so i agreed and so next thing i knew there was a frozen child ready to be implanted. Thus my ability to be kidnapped so easily...
Cause when a kid is all telling you about clones and labs and shit... And you're hearing voices... that shit is insane. Literally.
So i didn't take it seriously enough.
But Declan is only 19 Now. And my kid is 16.
So it's old enough to have a romantic relationship. To avoid issues i had as a child with social services.
The plan was to have them grow up as friends but also believed it may been too dangerous....
Yet I still don't agree that it was.
However for the last 10 year's I have been working daily for my amnesia to be solved and also saving the world (of NHRA especially) at the same time.
And have earned multiple Nobel Peace Prizes which i have yet to receive.
So working on law enforcement and the military and government, about to break into the public school system and tear that up ;) as a civilian has earned me billions of dollars i have yet to receive....
But i have given away as i can and have bought businesses that I want.
As proof that the government does care about all its people's hopes and dreams they have bought them on my behalf and am gsining bank! And i shop st my own businesses too... Ironically! I been shopping at Loves for nearly a year... went into Speedway a few times now i drive an extra 5 miles just to shop there because i like it more!!
Robert, the shift manager finally told me tonight as I bought all the GIANTS for my Giant 6'7" man. And i turned the ones in Valencia County to Speedway in honor of Aaron and Paul (twins) who wanted to show the dangers of meth and the meth community as they honored me with my idea of how to end Breaking Bad with the movie reel of El Camino (the mother road) of the manner of the psychological reality of life gone wrong.
I freak Robert out... He was worried when he saw me there that I was to audit like a monster, fire everyone and work the cash register and store myself.
So tonight he saw I bought milkshakes (not available at Love's) figured it out and gave me a pack of smokes for free and blurted out why.
So i took all the giants as i always do and fucked them all up and made them better.
So i own them till i make my money back on the businesses and then they get given to who I intended it for... As I do double check they will always be worthy... If not i keep them for me because I was being good snd honest and fair the whole time.
So 360° K i own.
So i only compete with Love's whom I always promised the King's Highway to... You know him... As an old time Western Thug bitch ass womanizer player. Motorcycle Guru. Hot Rod extraordinaire. Texas loving son of a gun. Jesse James Smith! Just kidding... Just regular old ole fogie mad scientist Jesse Gregory Smith. Of West Coast Choppers. Which i own and always have as i put up the money for his business intending to always be in his life and helping him. So my apology... The only one i can ever give as i can't predict the future without help is Love. And he loves everyone and won't let Google tell.
I bought every gas station in the country as we will be switching to electric and hydro electric and non fuel and solar and hybrid autos by 2030. So the previous owners have a nice retirement and no stress. As the storage oil facilities that were shot in Saudia Arabia were actually empty. I own them.
Fossil fuels are actually the blood of dinosaurs and other dead bodies that are converted and broken down and dehydrated by plant life...
I found that out by the eternal bushes burning.. I mean growing... here on the mountain. Tumble weeds otherwise known as thyme. And we found via satellite tons of skeletons by Earth xrays under the bushes and some not as they are closer to the Earth surface. I found a wooly mammoth knuckle bone.
We moved here in 2002 and there was a patch of earth that looked like concrete by the mail boxes and we just drove over them assuming that's what it was.
They were mummified wooly mammoths. Now broken up and scattered all over the desert road.
I would not like my blood which could potentially bring me back to life wasted on a car... For someone to get to a job they hate. So no more. Not from the USA anyways.
One night I was at dinner and i said Obama needs to handle thwt South Dakota pipeline. My dad was all what is he supposed to do? All simple solutions were crap and had an argument. I said "then lie! Tell the American people they are scum! Tell them we opened the pipeline up and the pipes broke and destroyed the precious land that needs to be protected." My dad laughed and i felt kinda stupid for being so angry.
But Uncle Donald heard my point and so thats exactly what he did. Fake news? Its real.
Because he saw the change I made in the NHRA with some lies that laid very close to the truth.
You don't need to believe in reincarnation for it to happen. I didn't until about 6 months ago. But my mom's mom and my great aunt my grandma's sister ... Granny Bessie Heltons 2 daughters did. My grandma explained it to me one night when I was 18 as i had asked my Great Aunt Nita i was closer to but she didn't explain she just said "because i do" And the dictionary explaination i already knew. But my grandma traveled with me like y'all know i do And showed me.
We started in Heaven with only having one human life and having the soul figure of a human that we select. Hers was a teenage body, absolutely beautiful. With her old ass mind and experience. I told her what I wanted was to be a child. A dirty raggedy haired barefoot blonde without a care in the world, feeling smarter than I feel now... Because that is when i was happiest. When i saw i could end pain and suffering with death, when i knew life could escape heart ache, even when evil exist.
And so now on her second cat life with me, as her first caused her kidnapping by the same drug induced psycho piece of shit that arrested and molested Jesse James dog, Coco and her untimely death as I did record in Tumblr. "Sister Kitty" was kidnapped by him, hes in a special jail. He just had his pinkie finger nail and big toe nail removed as he did kidnap Mogar and slice his face and slice Kizzys leg. So in order to understand what he did he agreed to similar punishment as he did to our precious cargo...
Cargo my bitches!
Jesse: No! I only ask!
Me: who do i have to convince?
Jesse: Idk Jeremiah?
Me: Ava who is your dad?
Ava: Idk I guess not Jeremiah?? IDK!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL!? you all always told me they are both my dad's. Let me ask God. Oh! Jesse! ..... And Jeremiah
Me: your dad is your dad and dad he will always be no matter shine or high water, love will always be there for you and for me. Alexis, do you know that one?
She nods all teary..
Jesse: well did i get loves?!
Me: uhh yes ass hole! We always love you back. What do you want with a gas station with no gas? That's like having a family with out us, most especially me!
Jesse: well it got gas now!!!
Me: well gas up at your local, bring a truck. I got a lot of stuff.
Declan: you hear her? Most especially me! Me! Well, me too, you better pick me up.
Me: Jesse... You ready for Orlando?? I got a Chase bank account with the Princess Castle on the debit card... Just needs a little cash in the account.
Jesse: You Mean You Will Pay!!!
Me: i see that was not a question so that does not deserve a response. But yes. I am suppose to have a wire transfer per last night's discussions that will pay for it.
Jesse: WHOA SHIT!
Me: Jeremiah you down?
Jeremiah: to pay Miss Giant Owner?
Me: uhh I'm Miss Speedyway now. No.. Carry me through times square after some Disney World Fun!
Jeremiah: FUCK YES!! uhh yes thank you for inviting me. I will go
Matt Hagan: look look at this. Im the best friend i even got her kid named after me
Me: Matt Hagan... Looks like you're invited, The Best Friend. In or out of Disney World for the hotel.
Matt: IN!!
Me: youre definitely going you know how to do it right! Pops... You gonna stay home alone with your woman?
Pops: not if i don't have to
M3: you don't
Pops: shit! Oh yeah!
Chuck: what about Cookie!!
Me: you and bring Your comrades I need to talk to
Chuckie: oh Cookies going!
Me: I didn't know he could do the Conga.
Jesse: yes you did!
Me: no wonder it looked familiar.
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Stream of Consciousness Lover Album Reaction
I wrote out my first thoughts while listening to the album and put them in one big post. I hope you find them as funny as I do lmao
1. I Forget That You Existed
LOL so that’s what the drake Easter egg was about!
Who is this about????
NIIIIiiiiiiiiiIIIiiiiCE
SHE SOUNDS SO GOOD
I JUST FORGOT WHAT THEY WERE LMAOOO
HER LAUGH!! SO CUTE!!
This track is somehow savage and adorable at the same time
So......yeah.......
ShnfhKJHGKSHDKGHSKGHSJG
2. Cruel Summer
This is giving me Katy perry vibes
The devils roll their dice line is from this?? Didn’t expect that
This is maybe the catchiest song I’ve ever heard
Why is this not a single??????
STILL DONT KNOW WHAT SUMMERS A KNIFE MEANS
EXPLAIN TAYLOR
This also kind of gives me Jonas brothers vibes, why???
Again.....what is this about???
OooOOoooOooWhoooooAAAAhh i loveeee this
OOOH no you know what this gives me GETAWAY CAR vibes
Wait...do we think that at the beginning joe wanted to keep their relationship private and Taylor agreed but then changed her mind? WAIT NO.....is this about her having to keep her love for joe secret at first the summer they met because she was with someone else/it was too soon??
3. Lover
Ok SUPER WEIRD transition into lover but OK
As much as I love albums with a clear narrative like rep I also like being all over the place so this is fine
CAN I GO WHERE YOU GOOOOOO
FOR EVER AND EVER ANDIIIII
YOURE MY MY MY MYYYYY LOVER
I wonder what inspired her to use the term lover? Does she not know that normal people don’t speak like that?
WAIT IS THE REASON LOVER COMES AFTER CRUEL SUMMER because of the 3 summers line?? Like look how we started...now were here
Does the album begin with i forgot you existed because its like ok this Kanye situation happened...but now were gonna forget about that and talk about the realer real story of the past couple years of my life rather than seeing it through the lens of that story like on rep
4. The Man
THE ACCURACY
THE ACCURAACCCCYYYYYYYYY
IT HUUURRTTSSS
Honestly though i actually thought this one would be more savage, i thi
DID SHE JUST SAY BITCHES AND MODELSSSS?????
SLJGSHUKGHKDG
Never mind this is as savage as i wanted
I should know better than to judge a Taylor song before the bridge
Again why isn’t this a single.....it better be
5. The Archer
The emotional whiplash this album is giving me is insane.
It’s like RED but with synths
Is the archer placed here because part of her lack of self confidence comes from the things the media says about her (because she’s a woman not a man?) INTERESTING THOUGHT
Don’t have much else to say about this, we already know
.....
Wow the cake i bought for tonight is somehow way too sweet
6. I Think He Knows
Definitely didn’t think i think he knows was about being horny af
But this is so catchy
Why is everything so catchy?? Literally every song should be a single
BOY I UNDERSTAND the confidence!! After the archer!! I love that he makes her feel that way1!!
I THINK HE KNOOOOOOOWWWWSS
This gives me teenage dream vibes and i fucking love that song
7. Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince
Ok time for the one with the weird title
I love how she keeps comparing her current feelings to how she felt as a teenager!! How its the same and different....very good.
SHES A BAD BAD GIRL
More dice!
Is she imagining what it would be like if she was in this relationship in high school? Because I DO THAT ALL THE TIIIIME GIRL SAME
THATS MY WHOLE WORLD SOOOO CUUUUTE
YOU PLAY STUPID GAMES YOU WIN STUPID PRIZES
VOTED
MOST
LIKELY
TO
RUN
AWAY
WITH
YOU
I really like this one. I didn’t expect I would.
This should be a single.
8. Paper Rings
THE VOICE EFFECT
She’s singing so fast on these songs!!!! I CANT KEEP UPP
UH HUH
THATS RIGHT
This is so retro and i loooooooooooooooooooooove it
DIRTY DREAMS??????? TAYLOR PLEASE
OMG THE COLOUR WE PAINTED YOUR BROTHERS WALL
THE PICTURE
THE PICTURE
FROM THE REP MAGAZINES
SDIHGUSHGUKHDZRKUGHKUDZHGUHDZGHDKZHGYIDZJLGJLDJGJSDJGDHZGHLGHLSHGHDG
II LIKE SHINY THINGS
THIS SONG IS SO FUN! ALL THESE SONGS ARE SO FUN!!
Ok baby boy that’s kinda weird but you know what..
....
....
Ok its still weird but maybe it will grow on me
This should be a single.
9. Cornelia Street
HERE IT IS!!! THE FIRST TAYLOR PRODUCED SONG
I NEVER WANT CORNELIA STREET AGAIN?? WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?? THEIR WORST FIGHT? ANOTHER RELATIONSIP? QUESTIONS
The storytelling!
Wait......is this about before they ran away together in CIWYW?? Like she thought he didn’t really want her so she was gonna run away alone...but then he was like no i really do lets go
I totally thought that this was the one with the staring out the window like I’m not your favorite town line was from
She ended it with the line she started with (i think)? Ike she used to!
Kinda feel like people hyped this one up too much but i do like it
10. Death by a Thousand Cuts
The piano!!!!
Like a thousand notes a thousand cuts
Look through the windows of this love - like the heart on her eye! I get it I GET IT lmaoooo
If this song was on red it would have the saddest production but on this album its a bop
11. London Boy
IS THAT JOE??? OMG lmao
HER ACCENT LMAOOOOOOOOO
I don’t know if this song is supposed to be as hilarious as i think it is but i really do think its hilarious
What does like a Tennessee Stella McCartney even mean????
I kinda feel like this song is too specific to her life to be relatable so maybe that’s why i feel that way about it?
12. Soon You’ll Get Better
Ok great... so we went from that to the sad one
I have to prepare
I didn’t tell you i was scared....
Cause you have to...
The fact that this is the country song...
I cant
GOD NOW IM CRYING THIS IS SO SAD
That was the only song so far i had to actually stop typing for. God....I’m so sad for her and her family.
13. False God
I can barely take this song in because of what just came before.
But i really like it. And i really like the theme of religion on this album
14. You Need to Calm Down
NOW YNTCD IS PLAYING
??? IM LITERALLY SOO SAD FROM SOON YOULL GET BETTER STILL
I CANT
PROCESS
THIS
This album is literally all over the place, i keep trying to assign a narrative to it and its not working out so I’m just gonna give up
Sometimes albums are just collections of songs and not a coherent, linear story and that is ok! Even if its not what i prefer
It certainly didn’t bother me on her first few albums.
The one thing i take away from this is like...no wonder she’s so determined to be so overly positive, i think for her its that or break down crying in the face of what’s happening in her family
15. Afterglow
I really love this song!!! Hashtag relatable
......
Man..you can really tell even just from my typing that my heart isn’t in this anymore after that song
Like
Fuck
I think I’m just sad for me too, because i know that i will go through that too sooner rather than later and I already have friends dealing with losing a parent.
16. ME!
My only thought on this is god bless brendon Urie for injecting so much additional joy and energy into this song and making Taylor happy, i just get the vibe that she really needed that
ALSO WHAT THERES REALLY NO HEY KIDS SPELLING IS FUN
TAYLOR EXPLAAIAIIIIIIIAIAIIAN
We’ll see if its on my physical cd copies when they arrive...if not then maybe it was always planned to be a line only in the single version
17. It’s Nice to Have a Friend
Ok I don’t really like this song that much but i really like the messages she’s trying to send like...real love feels like hanging out with a childhood bestie, so comfortable
18. Daylight
I WAS LIKE MEH
BUT THE FUCKING BRIDGE
THE BRIDGE
IM EMOTIONALLY DESTROYED
Also something about the chorus reminds me of the chorus of starlight
STEP INTO THE DAYLIGHT AND LET IT GO
YES
I WAS LIKE NO IS THAT NOT A LYRIC??
BUT IT ISTHANK GOD
THE END
YOU ARE WHAT YOU LOVE
THAT WAS LIKE
MY MANTRA FOR A COUPLE YEARS A WHILE BACK
BECAUSE
I LOVED SO MANY PEOPLE BUT THEY DIDNT LOVE ME
AND I WANTED TO BE DEFINITED BY THE FACT THAT I LOVED THEM NOT THAT HTEY DIDNT LOVE ME
IIIIIIIIIIII
I
IN CONCLUSION:
My feelings are everywhere. Some songs disappointed me but some blew me away - soon you’ll get better is basically the new Never Grow Up for me which is saying a lot. Everything is catchy a hell though even the songs I didn’t like as much. Ultimately i would have liked more songs about varying subject matter esp. self love but as it is, it is still somehow so all over the place. It really just shows how many emotions and phases can be contained within one relationship (i mean I’m assuming every song about a relationship is about joe). I really think that the song about her mom maybe should have been placed somewhere else...I don’t know where I would have put it but that shit is HEAVY. I am so honored that she and her family would share that with us though. I have a million question about how Andrea is doing and if my theory on why tour hasn’t been announced is correct...maybe she will explain more in the interviews/secret session audio we’re getting in the next couple days. I think my favorite song is Lover but that may change. I don’t think any song on here tops my current all time favorite Taylor song though which is CIWYW. That’s a little disappointing but not every song or album has to be my fave! And this album will probably grow on me esp as i hear Taylor’s explanations of it. Rep did. I really did nooott feel good about most of rep at first, it took a few days.
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December 2
I’m currently listening to Overwhelming while eating candy corn Jin got me for my bday (so its been a month and yet) and I feel like I have a lot to say that I don’t have someone to tell to all in one sitting so here it goes. A few weeks ago I decided to stay at Biola for the spring but now I am having second thoughts. I am WAY happier at school away from my family/house and the thought of living at home 24/7 aka how summer was aka hell makes me actually want to kill myself. I really hope that there’s a chance Karina and I both go to Fullerton so we can have a place together. It sounds so fantastical but also just imagining how amazing my life would be is just all I am looking forward to. I think that I am going to end up enrolling late and not get any classes I want because people have already signed up for classes and most are full lo l but yeah. I am suffering from writer’s block. I tried writing tonight and I actually started crying as I was singing but it just didn’t feel right. I really want to write songs that I can 100% sing-cry to and make it feel so right. I just haven’t found it yet.I wonder how Jon Bellion wrote these songs haha. His lyrics are just so fucking wholesome and relevant to so many aspects of my life. Listening to him tho makes me feel so fucking confused cause the first time I saw him, I was “happy” and brown haired and dating John and the last time I saw him in September I was black haired, single, and broken. I still am those three things. Work has taken over my life again. I am scheduled Friday-Sunday for the next 2 weeks and as $$ as that made me think I was be, honestly it just doesn’t feel worth it right now. Granted, when I get paid, I will probably feel otherwise. I’ve been telling myself and others that I am okay with things with John. I honestly can’t fucking tell what I am. I obviously miss him. I am doing fine without him, I will keep doing fine without him, but I miss having that person. I guess it’s slowly transitioning to the point where you miss the feelings and not the actual person. But just typing that made me realize how false that is. I miss John a lot. He was so funny and caring and loved me so much. I honestly think I can now realize that he loved me just as much as I loved him. And I loved him so fucking much. Just being next to him made everything okay. The night my mom found an empty cartridge in my room and messaged me about it asking and I thought I was done for, and all I did was just cry, John was just there and as terrified as I was, I was okay because of him. I think its because its December and the holidays are coming and last winter was probably one of the best parts of my life so far. My 6 week winter break was full of shabu, Fiona, my new polaroid, and just freedom. I was so happy I had Sen Nick and Tyler. I was so happy I had my friends at home. Everything was just so nice. And I had the plan to go to slo with Faith before break ended, and it was just so nice. I miss that feeling of being so excited to see John again. As hard and fucking unfair the distance was being with him obviously made it worth it. I wish I realized how unhappy John was. But there’s nothing I could’ve done. And I need to accept that so that I can stop hating myself for not being better. Maybe I need to take the next semester off. Maybe I just need to find new things I could enjoy. I don’t think I want to go to Disneyland next week with my family. My sister isn’t talking to me again. I feel like the family is broken again but its just with me. I’m slowly turning back into the person I was during the summer. There are so many people in my past that I want to rekindle things with and just fucking get a meal to catch up, but I can never do that. I don’t want to talk about John I don’t want to talk about how unhappy and depressed I am. But I am so tired of pretending like everything is okay. I feel like deleting all social media again. Looking on insta after shifts is just shit because I just feel this urge to fucking post but i have nothing to post because I spent my night inside working. Last night was really fun though. I got off work at around 11 I think and came home and showered and was just going to be on my phone for hours till I was okay enough to sleep. I knew Shin wanted to fuck haha but I told him that I felt like shit so he called me and asked what was up and why I’m depressed. He actually listened even though I was barely telling him everything because then he would probably think I’m insane if he doesn’t already but yeah he told me to just focus on things I love and that it really helps. It’s so admirable how much he loves working out and playing basketball. But yeah we talked for nearly an hour until he decided to get me and I came outside when he said he was here and as I walked out i noticed he was outside walking to me and he gave me a hug and we drove behind Target and sat there for maybe like 30 min just talking and listening to jbel and the script LOL HE SANG THIS ONE SONG SO FUCKING LOUD he said hes never sung that loudly in front of anyone before hahaha i wish i knew what song it was but i will cause he plays it daily. i just hate asking so im gonna have to snake a peek at his phone the next time it plays. my toes were rlly cold and so he started warming my right foot with his hands and blew air into them a lot haha it was so cute and he gave me a dank ass fucking foot massage holy shit. it hurt like a bitch but in the best way possible. my feet/ankles are always so fucked when i work. so it was especially dank. I also didn’t wear makeup and he said I look better without makeup haha i was like ooooooooooooooooooooook but rlly yeah i was happy he said that especially because I’ve been wearing makeup daily because I just hate myself without it. But that day I had a bare face and actually felt okay. He kissed me and he kept saying how he loves kissing me so much. Omg and we made out to jon b like im sorry but it was fucking amazing. ok we also fucked to him too HAHAHAHA And then kevin told us to cruise outside cydni’s house cause him paul and esther were smoking so we went and as we pulled up, paul looked at us through his open window and we both laughed in the same explosive way HAHAHAHAH and they told us to shut the fuck up jk they just sushed us ahahahah omfg. it was just too gold. i really don’t want to ever smoke in front of shin again but yeah I couldn’t just say no to weed haha so we hit a piece which burned the shit out of my throat and I was pretty faded I guess and shin kept coughing cause we werent hotboxing the car but it was still potent and i felt bad :( and he was like IS SECONDHAND FADED A THING hahahaha and esther had her juul so i hit that and then we left the car to smoke and i smoked a stoog. oh yeah so immediately after we got out of the car to walk to their car in the beginning, we were just standing outside their car as they were sitting inside and shin like immediately took off his jacket (the warm flannel we got at pacsun whom he loves) and gave it to me even tho he was wearing a tshirt and shorts ugh. i took it off before smoking cause i didn’t want it to smell so he put it back on and he was like “you can wear it once youre done smoking” haha. and he offered to give it back on the way back to his car but i said i was ok. then on the drive to my house i stuck my body out the window to vent out the smell LOL and it was cold as fuck but felt cool esp with shin’s crazy ass driving hahahahah and i was like i wish you had a sunroof and he was like “yeah thats my bad” and i was like NO BITCH IM NOT TRYING TO COMPLAIN ITS NOT UR BAD I MJSUT SAYING lol and shin has told me how much he hates smoking and the extent of it and how its so unattractive to kiss someone whos smoked so im like welp but as i was getting out of the car he was like yeah fuck u u smell i aint kissing you and i made a pout as i was getting out and he was like no wait and he kissed my cheek hehe. and before that he asked if i was feeling better and i said yes and thanked him and he said yeah of course anytime in a tone like ofc bitch. haha i love when he kisses my head T^T but yeah i came home around 4:40 or however long it took to get to my house and I was happy and hickey’d up and i was just so happy we ended up doing that.
i slept right before 7am and woke up like 11 so yeah i barely slept which is probably why i felt so off today. but i just stayed in bed till my hair cut which was at 2 and kathy was so shocked to see i cut my bangs LOL going on and on about how i never wanted bangs and then i do it and i WISH I DID NOT TRIM THEM LAST WEEK CAUSE THEYRE SO SHORT NOW CAUSE THEY WERE SO UNEVEN AND I LOWKEY HATE MY HAIR AND I WISH I DIDNT GET IT CUT SHORT UGH I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE but im gonna work with it and we’ll see. I wanna change my hair color again but idk what to change it to. Then i went to emily’s and we picked up at unity and smoked and caught up and she was doing her interior design homework and i had to leave cause of work which sucked cause i just wanted to actually hang out but i covered shin’s shift today cause he spent all day studying so im glad i got to help him out and if it were anyone else’s shift i would’ve hated myself lol. but he didn’t call me until like 1 or something but i knew he would call eventually and he said he wanted to finish his work early so we could’ve hung out but he has way too much and so we just talked but i could barely talk cause my bitchass sister always fucking goes off about how inconsiderate i am so yeah lmao but yeah and i told him i got off work early to which he said he knew cause i got home around 11 and i ate and he calculated it and theres no way i couldve eaten after getting off at 10:30 and got home HAHAH like he cared enough to think about that.... and then i told him i have work tomorrow 11:30-5 and he said then maybe he’ll come bring me boba
i dont expect him to but maybe he will im so fucking over work
i cant believe its already sunday tomorrow and i have to go back to school for chapel i think. fucking kill me. i just want to have free time
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