#i feel like i'm spinning around in circles i feel alive i feel sick i feel like im shaking i cant stay still im AAAAAAAAAA | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fanmoose12 · 4 years ago

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Levi ignored the formal greetings and salutes of the soldiers he passed as he made his way through the barracks. His mind was focused on one thing and one thing only. He had to get to the infirmary.

Apparently, Hange had decided to start her experiments bright and early that day. So early that the sun had barely begun to rise. Not long after, a titan's arm broke free from its restraints and swung at Hange while her back was facing away. With no time to react, the full force of the attack had her instantly flying through the air and only stopping when her body met a wall. Levi didn't comprehend much of the details after that. He simply threw on his uniform as is, not bothering a second glance in the mirror.

He bit back a chill as he entered the courtyard, not knowing whether it was from the sudden cold winter air or from his own nerves. It was only then that he realized he had left without throwing on a coat.

When he entered the infirmary, he immediately noticed a small group of people huddled together. Hange's squad, Mike, Nanaba, and Erwin along with a nurse Levi didn't recognize. They all spoke in hushed whispers and, as if on cue, all turned to look at him. His pace suddenly slowed, an uncomfortable feeling settled in the pit of his stomach at their ominous gazes. He hesitated to approach.

After a moment, Erwin resumed speaking to the nurse and exchanged a few more words before she finally walked away. Erwin then dismissed the rest of the group as they shuffled away, avoiding eye contact as they passed Levi.

Levi swallowed the lump that formed in his throat and approached Erwin. "How's Hange?" He asked, hoping the tremor in his voice wasn't obvious.

"Levi," Erwin began, his voice stern and his jaw tight. "How long have you known about Hange's condition?"

"Just this morning." He answered.

Erwin's brow furrowed and Levi could see the wrinkles in his face. "I will ask again. How long have you known about Hange's condition?"

The question was puzzling. What kind of answer was Erwin looking for? Levi felt like a child being chastised. He was coming in blind to this whole situation, only knowing the information that Moblit had told him earlier.

"Moblit came by my room about twenty minutes ago and told me about the accident. I came as fast as I could."

Erwin's eyes stared intently at Levi, as if he was trying to look through him instead of at him. It was then that Levi noticed the small beads of sweat lining his forehead.

Levi's heart rate quickened. Something wasn't right. "Erwin, what the hell is going on?"

What was Erwin trying to get out of him? What did he know that Levi didn't? Was Hange sick? Surely he would've noticed, right? Then again, they hadn't seen much of each other recently. Hange had been busy testing a new theory involving the evaporation of titan blood and Levi had been assigned to oversee the development of the new training grounds.

She and Levi had grown close. Immensely close. Too close for Levi's comfort sometimes. They had become a bonded pair in all forms; emotionally, physically, and mentally. They knew each other's strengths and short-comings, their pet peeves and bad habits, their fears and hopes, the way each other tasted and smelled, how their bodies felt intertwined, the rhythm of each other's heartbeats. Hange had become the one thing Levi never wanted; someone to lose.

As if Erwin could sense his inner turmoil, his shoulders dropped and his eyes relaxed. "You really don't know, do you?"

"Nobody's told me a damn thing."

Erwin released a tired sigh. "Hange is alive but she suffered a concussion. The nurse wants to keep her here for a few days to monitor her once she wakes up."

"How long has she been unconscious?"

"I'm not sure but this could have been much worse. In more ways than you realize."

Levi could feel his frustration reaching its peak. "Why not just come out and tell me whatever the hell it is you're hiding?"

Erwin just shook his head. "It's not for me to tell. We'll continue this at a later time. You may see her if you'd like."

Levi decided not to further the discussion and made his way towards the room. Once his hand had reached the doorknob, he heard Erwin's voice behind him. "Levi, once you're finished, meet me in my office. We have much to discuss."

Levi's hand tightened around the doorknob. He didn't like being left in the dark but he was humanity's strongest, surely he could handle whatever news Erwin was refusing to disclose.

He shook the thought from his mind, wanting to be solely focused on Hange. He readied himself for the sight and pushed open the door.

Hange appeared natural as she slept in the hospital bed before him. Her expression was peaceful with the usual stress lines in her face relaxed. Her glasses rested on a table next to the bed with her uniform and winter coat thrown over a wooden chair. She had been changed into a hospital gown with a white bandage wrapped around her head.

"That was an extreme stunt to pull just to get some sleep don't you think, four eyes?" Levi mused.

He examined the bandage and noticed a minimal amount of blood from a scrape on the side of her head. He wasn't sure what the worry was about. Concussions were a normal injury for most soldiers, especially new recruits who were practicing with their ODM gear.

Still, Erwin had mentioned her "condition" which meant there was something Levi was missing, something he wasn't seeing.

"Sorry about this, Hange." He said as he grabbed the blanket on top of her and tossed it to the side.

Before the blanket had even touched the ground, Levi had stumbled away from Hange's bedside until his back was forced against the wall. His heart beat hard against his chest, he struggled to catch his breath and felt as if he was suffocating, his knees trembled beneath him, and his mind could not comprehend the sight before him.

Levi looked around the room as if an explanation would appear before him. He couldn't bring himself to look at her again. He was almost thankful that she was asleep.

The sight of her winter coat suddenly drew his attention. Like most things, Hange was too engrossed in her research and often careless when it came to her own health. Levi would often find her outside in the snow, watching over her precious titans, wearing nothing more than her usual brown jacket. She never bundled herself properly and always claimed she felt fine despite the obvious signs of her red nose, chapped lips, chattering teeth, and shivering body. And as expected, Levi would be the one to have to care for her when she fell ill.

Although, come to think of it, this was the first year that Hange had actually been adamant about wearing her coat. Each time Levi saw her, she had it buttoned around her, refusing to take it off even when indoors. And if he thought about it further, he realized that it always looked a size too big for her.

The realization suddenly came crashing on him as all the pieces fell into place. The air felt as if it had been knocked out of him and his head was spinning. If it weren't for the wall supporting him, he's sure he would have collapsed.

It didn't feel real. It couldn't be real.

It was stupid, he knew, the evidence was right in front of him but he just had to confirm it for himself. He looked towards her still sleeping face and then very slowly trailed his eyes down her body until he was staring at a small bump on her torso.

He steadied his knees and pushed himself away from the wall. It felt like an eternity before he was finally able to move his legs and reach her bed side. With a shaky hand and a deep ragged breath, he outstretched his arm until it rested gently on her swollen abdomen. He ignored the water stinging the corner of his eyes and forcefully blinked the sensation away.

It was as if his mind was not his own as he began to slowly stroke small circles on top of her belly. As he was getting used to the feeling, he felt a sudden pressure hit against his head. He immediately froze his movements and waited. A few seconds passed and there it was again, a small push to his hand.

He released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and could feel his lips curve into a smile. He was feeling a kick. The being inside of Hange was making it self known to him.

He became overwhelmed with an abundance of conflicting emotions bombarding him all at once. He had so many thoughts, questions, ideas, fears. At that moment all he could do was reach for her hand and relish in the comfort of her warmth beneath his palm. He needed her here with him.

And then a new realization chilled him to his core.

She would eventually awaken...wouldn't she?

"Hange." He whispered desperately. "Please, wake up."

omg, you got me so worried!! i thought hange lost the baby, but whew! i'm so glad the baby is alright! and your writing is top notch! if you ever think of posting it and maybe adding a second part...... hmu?

#it was so intense i was at the edge of my seat! even contemplated skipping convo between levi and erwin to see how it's going to end #but smh...... now i'm so interested in what erwin is going to tell levi

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lunapaper · 3 years ago

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Album Review: 'Dance Fever' - Florence + the Machine

Someone’s got a serious case of dance fever...

Subsisting on a diet of horror films and 16th Century European history while in lockdown, Florence Welch goes bolder, darker and more introspective on Florence + the Machine’s fifth album, realising she longed for the sweet, sweet shred of guitars. As she recently told the New York Times: ‘Every album is a reaction to the last thing you made, and I was a little sick of my own [expletive], which is heavy piano. I missed guitars.’

The record is a full-on reckoning at times.

‘King’ tackles perceptions of womanhood in an unforgiving industry (‘We argue in the kitchen about whether to have children/About the world ending and the scale of my ambition/And how much is art really worth’), unleashing a stormy cataclysm of strings and clattering percussion in a beautiful fit of rage. ‘Girls Against God’ envisions an army of ‘furious girls in their pyjamas waging war on heaven’ while in isolation, juxtaposed with a bluesy, soulful kind of groove.

‘Well, did you miss me?’ Welch taunts on ‘Dream Girl Evil, ‘Walk on water just to kiss me?’ revelling in her perceived villainy as she obliterates the Madonna/whore complex. ‘Heaven is Here’ is a ‘clamour of joy, fury and grief,’ driven by handclaps and stomping feet, a rollicking singalong that sees the singer confess: ‘And еvery song I wrote became an escape rope/Tied around my neck to pull me up to Heaven.’

Throughout the record, Welch is surrounded by this raw feminine energy, a chorus of female voices always ready to lift her up and even cradle her during the record’s more sombre moments.

Dance Fever is also Florence + the Machine’s most diverse release since 2015’s How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful.

‘Free’ shivers with anxiety in the form of darting, jagged New Wave synths. ‘Choreomania’ (named after the ‘dancing plague’ of 1518 that saw people dance until they collapsed or died while in the grips of psychosis) eerily echoes ‘Dog Days are Over’ with its fluttering handclaps and steady drum beat, Welch just spinning until she ultimately dances herself to death. ‘Daffodil’ is jangling chamber pop with a determined strut, the singer caught in the ‘helpless optimism of spring’ as the world is ‘bent double from weeping’ during COVID.

‘Cassandra’ is jazzy noir with a subtle Eastern twang and a swinging 60s cool, Welch drawing a parallel between herself and the Greek mythological figure. Recent single ‘My Love,’ however, is reminiscent of the glossy bravado of Lungs and Ceremonials, a glistening, stylish dancefloor filler that wouldn’t have looked too out of place on Jessie Ware’s last record.

Welch’s lyricism, meanwhile, is stark, vivid and among some of her best yet.

‘And it's good to be alive/Crying into cereal at midnight/If they ever let me out, I'm gonna really let it out/I listen to music from 2006 and feel kind of sick,’ she muses on ‘Girls Against God,’ painting a comically bleak and all-too relatable picture of life in lockdown. Her fear and regret on ‘Prayer Factory’ are visceral as she grips at ‘hotel sheets with gritted teeth.’ She turns pandemic hopelessness into powerful pop hooks on ‘My Love’ (‘My arms emptied/The skies emptied/The buildings emptied’).

Most revealing and among the most self-eviscerating, though, is the gospel-inflected closer, ‘Morning Elvis.’

‘When they dressed me and they put me on a plane to Memphis, well/I never got to see Elvis/I just sweated it out in a hotel room/But I think the king woulda understood/Why I never made it to Graceland,’ Welch recalls, bringing the album full circle. Sober since 2014, the singer is no longer begging the drunken gods of ‘Cassandra’ to take her back, instead turning self-destruction into a glorious rebirth as she fuels her hedonism into a state of pure transcendence.

Dance Fever isn’t quite the bombastic post-lockdown disco-pop record we were all probably hoping for, nor is it light and subdued like 2018’s High As Hope.

It’s the sound of a woman possessed, a woman reborn, a woman with nothing left to lose, humming with a fraught sense of urgency as lush soundscapes restlessly unfurl. For once, Jack Antonoff doesn’t rely on his usual grab bag of acoustics, instead taking inspiration from classic folk rock, psych-rock and late 00s indie pop. Contributions from Glass Animals’ Dave Bayley and producer Kid Harpoon, meanwhile, help retain the band’s stately grandeur.

‘You said that rock and roll is dead,’ Welch muses on ‘Choreomania,’ ‘But is that just because it has not been/Resurrected in your image?’ And if this is her version of rock, then it’s a damn fine image, indeed: bold, beguiling, extravagant, and unapologetically feminine. Though sometimes falling short of its lofty ideas, this record truly is a fever you can’t sweat out…

- Bianca B.

#music #florence + the machine #florence and the machine #dance fever #new #reviews #albums #Bianca B

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thenameisel · 4 years ago

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Origin Stories Part Two: Sunshine and Ghosts

I exist.

Hrm.

Weird.

The sky is such a lovely color of blue. There’s not a single cloud in sight. Something rings my peripheral vision. It shifts slightly.

Time passes.

Wait. How do I know what a cloud is? I’ve only seen this empty sky. It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. But it is literally the only thing I have ever seen.

A soft breeze caresses my face. Or at least I know it does. Weird sensation. I feel it, but not the way I feel like I should feel it. Does that make sense?

That’s when I realize there is a whole host of sensations to be felt. Some feel right, others don't. I can feel the ground I’m lying on. Firm yet soft. I realize it’s old hard ground covered by deep grass. Huh. Wonder how I know that. There's a whisper of sound as the breeze moves through the grass. Or was it always there and I just noticed it now? Birds are chirping somewhere.

Wow there’s a lot going on. I close my eyes and notice another sensation. Warmth. From the sky. The sun baking everything it touches. It’s glorious. I revel in it.

More time passes. Just existing. Just feeling. Just listing.

Eventually I notice something else, a tickle in the back of my mind. Unlike anything I can describe. Love? Devotion? Joy? As I concentrate on it, it swells up to meet me, a depth of feeling so vast, so…

Something shifts on my chest. I hadn’t noticed anything was there. A weight, truly miniscule, lifts and I realize I’m capable of motion too! I lift my head. The scene shifts and there’s forest in the distance, and rocky outcrops like ridges cut through with a hot knife. Long snaking roads run either side of the meadow I’m in. They look unused for eons.

More things I don’t know how I know.

But all those thoughts are chased from my mind as the source of the weight floats front and center of my vision. I sit up all the way, stunned.

“HI!” it goes. Exuberant. Ecstatic.

“Um. Hello?” I didn’t know I was capable of speech either. My voice sounds weird. Synthetic.

I look at the little flying robotic… thing. It's white surface glitters slightly in the sunshine, its singular eye changing colors rapidly. Almost joyously.

Suddenly I realize this is the source of that indescribable sensation.

Scratch the sky. THIS is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

“You seemed to be enjoying lying there, so I thought I’d do it too. I’ve… been looking for you for a very long time, never stopped really, so when you were reveling in being alive I thought I’d try too for once. It was nice!”

It, no, he? He spun leisurely, the white facets rotating around his eye. Happy. Content.

“What are you? I… don't know you. I know the sky, the sun, the grass… somehow. But you. You’re new.”

“I’m your Ghost!”

Wait what? Ghosts aren’t real. And even if they were I don’t think they’re supposed to look like this stunning creature.

“You’re a Guardian. A Hunter, specifically. Let me tell you, I had so hoped you'd be a Hunter!”

“I have questions. Many, now that I think of it. How can you be a ghost if you’re a robot? How can you be my ghost? I’m not dead. I think.”

“Oh not that kind of ghost! I’m a Ghost,” that time he accentuated the ‘G’ “And I’m your Ghost cause we’re a pair now! I will always be by your side. Always. Also. Uh. You WERE dead.”

“WHAT?”

“Well that’s the thing. You died. A long, long time ago. Car accident I think.” he turned quickly, looking left and right, a beam of pale blue light jetting out towards a nearby heap of twisted metal. “Yup. Definitely car accident.”

“Again. What?”

“And I finally found you! And brought you back! And I’ll do it many more times as long as we’re together. And I'm never, ever, leaving your side.”

“Why… don’t I remember?”

“Oh. No one remembers their past life. Some say it's so you can be your best now, without a past weighing you down. I figure it’s because I didn’t know you then!”

I feel so confused. The answers don't make sense. Or maybe they do. I want to ask a thousand more questions. But the marvelous creature continues.

“Wait. You should remember your name at least! You’re an Exo. You have it hard coded into you.”

“My name?”

I think hard. Name. Name. Something lurks below in the depths of my mind. Like a forgotten memory. I reach for it. A name leaps to mind. It BURNS. Something about it is so horrifyingly WRONG to me and I don’t know why. I HATE it. Starts with a J and ends with a 4. I blurt it out. I feel sick. A weird shock sets in.

After a few minutes the beautiful miracle of a thing flies up real close and gently taps me in the middle of my face with one of his facets. It makes a metallic ‘clink’ sound. Pulls me back to reality.

“Boop.” It goes. “Hey, you ok?”

“Yea, I… Uh. Can I… Not go by that name?”

“Can’t see why not!”

“Thanks, that feels important somehow. Wait. What’s your name? And what’s an Exo?”

“Oh, well! My name, that’s up to you! But I had Pip last, and it felt right.”

“Did you like it?” I ask. One ought to like their name.

“Oh yes! Short for Pipsqueak apparently, might have been an insult. Also it was too long. I like Pip though! Pip! Pip! Pip! So cheery!”

I chuckle, the day gets brighter again.

“Oh and you, you’re an Exo. Remove your gloves and you’ll see.”

After a slight hesitation I do, unsure what to expect. I pull off grey leather gloves revealing metal fingers with dark rubbery musculature. Pip hits them with the blue light. It tingles.

“Yup yup.” He makes a weird but adorable burbling noise. Laughter? He proceeds to hit the rest of me with that light. It tingles still, but oddly comforting at the same time. “You’re an Exo all right! Older model, but not outdated or anything. You should have a decent number of ‘Humanisms’. Weird thing that. I can fill you in on those later. Height 147.5 cm. If I include your boots. Hrm, I see traces of a green paint job that was removed with acid. That’s not something I can fix but we might be able to see about getting a new coat back in the City. But still, quite pretty.”

Odd comment that. Paint job? Who paints their skin? Then I remember my metallic hands. Something occurs to me and I hesitantly reach up and touch my face. It's hard. Metallic. Solid. There are very few moving parts. Lower jaw, eyelids, that’s about it. I have no nose.

“I'm… a robot?"

"Kind of. It's a really long story but we have time! It's a long way back to the City. Especially since we have to walk! Or, well, float in my case. Anyway. Want to get going?"

I am not ready to get going. This place is beautiful and I don't feel I've spent enough time appreciating it. Need a delaying tactic.

"What's this City? Is it far? Why not just stay here?"

Pip burbles again and darts off. A heartbeat later he's back. I don't think my tactic is working. He repeats the motion two more times, as if wanting me to follow. I lay back in the grass stubbornly.

"C'mon! I'll answer anything on the way! But trust me. You'll get mighty hungry staying here! And there SO much to see. You'll love the Last City! Promise!"

I ignore the splendid creature. I feel bad about it. After a moment Pip settles back down onto my chest.

"Seriously! It's HUGE. Well. Not as big as old world cities of course. But it's safe! Oh and the Hunter Vanguard, that's what they call the leader of the Hunters, you'll like him! He's an Exo too!"

I don't care. I close my eyes and enjoy the sunshine.

"Ok. Fine. Five more minutes. But then we gotta goooooooo. There was a Golden Age facility about three hours walk from here. Might be a good spot to stay the night."

That piqued my interest. I have no idea what Pip is talking about.

"Golden Age?"

"Oh yes!" Elation. Oh no. He's realized I'm interested. "They referred to them as 'Truck Stops'. All kinds of weird Golden Age things in there."

"What kinds of weird?"

"Nick nacks. Odds and sods. Thing a ma jigs."

Alright. Time to cave.

"Ok. Ok fine. Fine."

"Woo! But first. You need a name. A new name!"

He lifts off my chest and I stand up, dust bits of grass and debris off my grey leather outfit. It's lightly armored. Plenty of mobility. A dark grey cape with an oversized hood over top everything. And while it's nothing special, it feels right.

Pip is looking quite intently at me. Excited. Expectant. But there's also joy there. Innocent childish joy. It's infectious. I chuckle again.

"What did you say earlier? When you tapped my face?"

Pip, this beautiful adorable miracle that I've known for less than a day and already I'd die for, flies up close again and taps a facet against the flat space where a nose should be.

"Boop!"

I can't help it and double over in hysterical laughter. He flies in dizzying circles around me. Burbling the whole time. After a few minutes I'm spent and force myself to take big gasps of air and try to collect myself. Weird, that. You wouldn’t think an Exo would need to breathe. One of those ‘Humanisms’?

"Allright. How about Boop? Can I go by Boop?"

"I like it!" Pip exclaims. I hear him from behind me. I spin around, but his voice stays behind me. "Boop! Boop! Boop!"

More burbling laughter. That's when I realize there's a weight in my hood. I reach back to feel his form through the fabric. He twitches and burbles.

"You going to stay there?"

"Can I? For a bit? Please?"

"Go nuts. Now. Which way to this 'Truck Stop'?"

Pip gives me directions, and off we go.

He was right. It was one hell of a long walk. Took a little over a month to reach the Last City. But he was also right on another thing. I loved it.

#destiny 2 #Destiny #hunter #ghost #fanfic #sorry not sorry

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brideofcthulhu10 · 5 years ago

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The Lost Boys Find Out their Fem!S/O is Pregnant [1/4]

Okay so these came out much longer than intended. What can I say, I took the idea and ran with it! So, for your reading pleasure each boy will get his own individual post! 🖤🦇 After this I may do a collective post of pregnancy fluff, you guys let me know. So, without further ado:

David

The first moment you felt something off was when your favorite foods made your head spin. An offering of cheese fries from Marko was ungodly sickening, the warm delicacy reduced to steamy, plastic goo coated on greasy, salty wedges. You politely declining certainly threw him off, and from the corner of his eye David looked your way. It only got worse. Sunlight made you dizzy, you could barely hold down anything with grease, or bread, or… or anything for that matter. Paul would ask if you're okay, you wouldn't even go on the tilt-a-whirl with them yet you looked almost green, dark circles under your eyes. Were you not eating right? It got to the point you started staying home more often. Leave early. Skip a day. Skip a few days.

And then, you just stopped showing up. The boardwalk felt empty without you, and David grew worried. You didn't just up and vanish. Even before you left, the last day you came you were so distant that you couldn't look him in the eyes, barely let him touch you. He'd had enough, if there was one thing he hated, it was being kept it the dark. Well, figuratively.

So there you were, hair tied up, in a massive t-shirt and shorts, staring half-lidded at the flickering TV in front of you, barely illuminating your dimly lit apartment living room. Your windows were open, a rusty old fan feebly attempting to push out the Santa Carla summer from your home while your food sat cold on your coffee table. Two bites in and you had run to the bathroom. At this point you were throwing up bile. Very few things would settle now. So instead it went to waste, sitting there for the flies to chew and be thrown away.

A soft breeze snuck in. It felt almost alive, swirling past your neck, down your back, across your face. But then grew stronger, and that tender touch quickly whipped your hair in your face, making your eyes water. And there he was, all clad in black sitting on your window sill with a solemn expression furrowing that stern brow.

"Where have you been, y/n?" His words rumbled slowly, your name slowly dripping off his tongue. The mere utterance sent chills rapidly down your spine.

"S-Sick," you hesitated to answer, quickly shutting off your tv, grabbing the wasted leftovers to dump in the trash. "Its just a flu, I'll be fine."

David quickly intercepted your path, looking down at you with fierce blue eyes and you immediately took a step back. There wasn't something right about you. "You're lying. You've been gone for almost half a month."

With steeled resolve you clutched the plate tightly, pushing past him into your kitchen "No, I told you I'm just sick-"

"Sick enough to avoid me? Sick enough to vanish for days without so much as a goodbye?" He followed you, always keeping close so you couldn't distance, couldn't resist him. Your avoidance was tiring on him, you could heat his words sharpen with each sentence. The more you tried to pretend there was nothing wrong, the easier it was for him to see there clearly was. "What are you not telling me?"

Your throat was so dry, even swallowing was a task. The urge to cry tempted fluttering eyelashes, and you did your best to rush towards your room. If you could just get to your room you could hide behind your door, not have to see the anger twisting his expression in knots. "I'm not feeling good David, you need to leave."

A gloved hand practically wretched your arm from its socket as it grasped at your wrist, David's shaking palms barely kept underneath. "I'm not leaving until you tell me why you're avoiding me!"

"Let go, David," you demanded, looking away as you tried to claw yourself away. The more you struggled the angrier he got. You've never shunned his presence before, never rejected him like this. A million possibilities cluttered his mind, each one worst than the last.

"You can't even look at me! Your disgust is so clear, its plastered all over your face! Is it someone else?! Does my nature make your stomach turn?!"

"No!"

"Then why?!"

"Because I'm pregnant!"

A cold wave doused any fire left in the room. David was still, his rage replaced by such an indecipherable expression. Frozen in place. The whole world was, there was nothing but the rattling hum of your fan still whittling away at the heat. His grip had loosened, but you didn't dare tear away. The floodgates released the pent up dam of emotions you had been holding back for the past week and a half.

Finally he had released you, almost stumbling back until he leaned against your counter top. Slowly he ran his fingers through his bleached hair, the word rattling around in his brain so long it became foreign tongues. "Preg…," He hesitated to say the phrase aloud. He was dead, physically dead. His heart had stopped decades ago, he had to live off of blood to survive, the possibility of impregnating anyone seemed to be an impossible notion to even consider. Could it have been another…? He looked over at you, at those tearful e/c eyes with such sincerity, such delicate fear that it sent a sharp pain through him. No, this was his doing.

"I-" The first words you spoke came out cracked, it was hard to speak without it feeling like sand scratching your esophagus. "I-I took a test… I even.. went to the doctor to be sure." You rapidly attempted to wipe away the shame on your face, sitting on the edge of your couch before your legs gave way. "I've been so sick, nothing stays. The only thing that didn't make me puke was raw meat. Raw.. it was so disgusting but I just wanted more... I can't even go outside during the day without feeling like I'm gonna faint. I-I… I do-don't know what's happening to me!" Your fingers grasped the sides of you head, nearly hyperventilating while salty droplets spilled onto the floor. That was all it took for him to swoop before you, kneeling down until he had you looking into his eyes. He looked just as afraid as you, and in that moment you could only sob harder as he pulled you so tight against his chest you feared you may break.

"...I'm sorry.." With one trembling hand on your back and the other holding your head on his shoulder. His words were so soft, strained. You never imagined your absence would hurt him this much. "Don't do this alone, princess..."

Those words said everything that could be said. He wasn't leaving you. The thought of what was inside you was frightening, but the mere suggestion of losing you in the process was the worst thing he could picture. You sobbed in his arms, clutching onto aged leather whispering your promises. You'd never hide from him again, never run away. You loved him, and the words didn't even need to be spoken. You both knew.

#lost boys imagine #lost boys 1987 #lost boys #the lost boys #lost boys david #pregnancy #pregnant #vampire pregnancy #female #female s/o #david #keifer sutherland #fanfiction writing #lost boys fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction

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btssunnyboy · 5 years ago

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Happy Holidays- BTS

Happy Holidays consists of too many gifts and a gift sweeter then a gingerbread house.

Word Count - 3,571

Warning - lots of fluff, worried about significant others,. A gingerbread house mishap. Can you guess who caused it?

ALSO PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK IT IS REALLY APPRECIATED!

Masterlist

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The weather outside was definitely frightful. The blizzard was building in strength and it was making your body build up with worries. The boys had left almost two hours ago to get some last minute supplies. No matter how hard you begged and pleaded they promised they'd be more then careful and be back within the snap of a finger. Two hours ago and your lovers had yet to walk through that big wooden door.

You could feel your nails growing thin from the numerous amounts of times you've slightly bitten them. The blanket around your shoulders was providing little warmth as you stayed glued to the window sill. Just hoping and praying that the familiar black Cadillacs would pull into the driveway. You could feel the slight tears swelling up in your glossy eyes. Terrible thoughts clouded your already messy mind, just adding to the stress. Images of car wrecks and the boys heavily injured made your stomach drop.

You just wanted your boys home and you'd do anything to see them walk through that door. The time flashing on the clock was just slightly away from striking midnight. Your chest was getting tighter as the minutes passed. Even though you eyes were growing heavy, you never left that small sill. You needed to stay because you hoped they'd be home soon.

Just as your weak eyes were about to finally close for the night, blinding headlights shot through the foggy glass of the window. With a mind still in a sleepy haze the source of the lights never registered in your head until loud knocks banged against the wood. Hastily throwing the purple blanket against the floor, you ignored the sting of the cold tiles against your feet. You yanked the door open and was greeted with the sight of three red nose and puffy eyed men. Without thinking you raced through the snow and towards the trunk of the cars. A tight grip around your waist pulled you back as quickly as you stepped one foot in the snow.

"Baby, stay inside you'll get sick." Jimin spoke as he teeth chartered wildly in his mouth. His lips practically shaking as he wobbled into the house. "They're fine, just getting some bags."

You gripped tightly at the yellow bags in his hands and set them down in the kitchen floor. A small gasps left your lips the moment I've cold hands sneaked underneath your shirt.

"You're gonna freeze the poor girl!" Jin chattered as well as he blew hot air into his hands. His red nose running almost wildly as he made his way towards the fire place.

You gripped Jimin tightly as you buried your face in his shoulders. You wiped underneath your eyes as you pulled away. "I thought something horrible happened I was so worried. Now go get those snow covered clothes off and put something warm on."

He nodded his head as he passed the simple message on. The moment all the boys made their way up the stairs to their rooms you started pulling out the containment's in the bags. Wrapped a little sloppy, but nonetheless wrapped gifts stored within the bags. A small smile graced your face when a few gingerbread house kits were spotted as well.

"Those idiots risked their lives for a gingerbread house." You smiled as your fingers traced over the gumdrops decoration on the box.

"You wanted it so we went and got it!" Hoseok sniffed as he wrapped his arms around you. His icy body finding comfort in your soothing warm presences. "Yoongi was up for the idea, in fact he even suggested it."

"What about all the wrapped gifts?" You questioned while trying to fix the boys the hot chocolate. Turning the stove down to let the milk simmer.

"We...um about that, we knew you didn't want a lot of things, but we all found so many pretty things that would look absolutely amazing on you!" Hoseok rambled as he quickly dismissed himself to find the cups. An uneasy smile came over his face as he watched you. Not a single sound coming from you.

"You guys buy me enough stuff as it is, I couldn't get you all a lot this year." You sighed, and down casted your eyes. Guilt coated your body like a blanket, they spoiled you with anything and everything. You wanted new shoes, done, new clothes, done. You on the other hand worked at a small department store and it didn't pay very much. Hence the reason you could only afford two gifts for each of them.

"Princess, none of us care if you got us anything or not, all we ever want is you. Holiday or not you're always our present." An embodied voice called from the other room. Before you knew it a hand was spinning you around to face them. A gentle kiss was soon given to your waiting lips as well. It was almost deepen if a cleared throat didn't catch Namjoon's attention.

"Me and Joon got the cups go get settled in with the others. We'll try not to drop them." Hoseok nudged his head towards the living room where the rest of boys were longing to have you back in their arms. "And I'll make Jungkook put the presents under the tree."

"Already on it." Jungkook softly smiled as he placed a chaste kiss to your temple before grabbing the multiple bags. Who new the boy was strong enough to carry so many. You laughed lightly at the thought of him taking on so much exercise just to show off with some shopping bags. "Go and sit down the Christmas movies are already playing."

You gave a quick nod before making your way towards the four boys scattered about in the living room. "Who decided to go out and do some last minute shopping."

Everyone's eyes widen as they were sudden more interested in the movie then your harsh glare. No one spoke up as they forcefully laughed as the character slid through the snow on the tv. You tapped your foot impatiently as the room grew stiff with uneasiness. They said this was a last minute food run and return with hundreds of dollars worth of gifts apparently all of you. "You guys know I how I feel about this."

"We know baby, but -" Jimin tried to explain before you cut him off.

"I know you guys care, but I saw the tags! You went to a freaking Gucci store this late for a gift!" You rambled, upset simply by a Christmas gift. No ill intentions were thought when they got the gifts, they just wanted to see that gorgeous smile on your face. And they thought in order to see that smile on Christmas Day they'd get you something you wanted so dearly.

"We didn't mean to make at us." Taehyung said, his eyes clouded over in what looked like sadness. He fiddled with his fingers as he scooted further away from you on the couch. His movements stopped midway when your hand clasped over his big ones. "Baby...I."

The moment his voice crack you threw yourself in his arms. Taehyung was always a bit more sensitive when it came to you. He done everything in his power — they all did — to make you the happiest women alive. The thought of you being mad at him broke him entirely. "I just thought a smile matching gift would make you happy."

"Honey I'd be happy with a homemade card if it was from you. I don't need expensive things all I need is my precious is my boys. I cannot stress that enough." You mumbled into his neck as he held you tighter. His lips ghosting over the smooth skin in an attempted to keep him calm. "I love you."

He only wrapped his arm tighter around you as he pulled your body up to straddle his waist. The fact that this was a normal position no one batted an eye as they watched, neither did Hoseok or Namjoon when they finally entered with the warm drinks.

"So are you still mad at us?" Yoongi spoke as he reached for your hand. You rolled your eyes playfully as you let he intertwines them together. "Take that as a no."

"Of course I'm not mad, I melt the moment any of you put your hands on me. I just ask that next year you don't go so over board." You suggested as you pulled yourself off of Taehyung and settled between him and Yoongi.

"We make no promises, Love." Jin smiled as he happily slipped on his beverage. "Can't wait for tomorrow!"

"I noticed the gingerbread houses." You smiled as you tried to change the atmosphere.

"We'll work on those later today, but for now let's just watch our movie." Yoongi smiled as he rubbed his hands up and down your arms. "I love you so much, Y/n."

"I love you so much." You smiled as you pulled his head towards you. A seemingly sweet kiss soon turned heated the moment his hand slipped to your neck.

"Get a room."

"Don't mind if we do."

»»————-　✼　————-««

You didn't remember falling asleep or how you wound up in the soft confinement of your bed. With a heavy arm, more like arms, draped across your body. The heat radiating from their body with enough to almost smother you. You gave Yoongi and Jimin small pecks on their forehead before maneuvering underneath their iron grips. It was a miracle they didn't pin you down in their sleep, it's happened multiple times before.

"Geez Louise, look at the bottom of the tree." You gapped as you looked onward to see the stack of gifts practically multiple from last night. There were so many that the small space underneath the tree was so full the rest of the gifts were piled in stacks beside the tree. Stacks meaning definitely more then more.

"Come on, we're making the gingerbread houses!" Hoseok enthused when he spotted your figure at the doorway of the kitchen. His hands grasped your and pulled you swiftly towards the kitchen. "Not so fast."

"I didn't even do-" The sentence was cut short as soft lips were hastily placed against yours. You didn't protest as you wrapped your arms around his neck. His hands rubbed small circles against your clothed hips as he brought you closer. If that was even humanly possible. Sadly, you had to pull away due to the lack of oxygen. Before you could even asked Hoseok pointed a finger upwards. A small little treat was hung right in the doorway.

That little treat was something the boys loved to place around the house, in every place they possibly could. It was a tradition, they'd like to say. While you believed it was an excuse to kiss you every

Mistletoe.

Before you could even step another foot a soft hand cupped your face. Those familiar dark brown eyes that always held a mischievous glint, were staring lovely at you. "I'm next." Compared to Hoseok, Jungkook's kiss was more slow instead of a rush. A nice change, but you loved the feeling of both their kisses either way. Besides they both always left you with a longing feel for more. It was an effect all of them has over you.

"Okay time to see if we understand what we're doing!" You smiled giddily as you dragged him closer. The next hour consisted of many mishaps with icing which resulted in your hair having more then just frosted tips. "Yay! We're done!"

For once the three of you made something decent instead of a horrendous mess. A simple gingerbread house decorated with many pink and purple gumdrops, as well as the occasional candy cane. Most importantly the little iced gingerbread men. You all would've had more if a little brat would've kept his hands out of the treat bag.

"I love how this is what I wake up to." Jin said, sleep still evident in his scratchy voice. His eyes still drooping as he walked towards the fridge. Not before giving a peck to each of you. "By the way Namjoon is about to come in here, I'd clean up that icing if I were you."

"I'll go get the cleaning supplies." You stated as you rushed towards the bathroom. You quickly searched through the bottles underneath the sink and hastily grabbed your towel. You loved Namjoon, but the boy was practically a walking disaster. Having that icing on the floor would only add to the chaos that he could cause. "Oh come on!"

"I swear it was an accident!"

You softly sighed to yourself. The gumdrops were scattered about, the small little splotch of icing on the floor was accompanied by a lot more then the white icing that glued the pieces together. The gingerbread men as well as the entire house was in shambles on the floor. A whole hour and a half of work down the drain. Good thing they bought more then one kit.

"I told you to clean it up." Jin protested as he got his water and bolted out of the kitchen. He saw his chance to avoid this mess and he knew better not ignore his chance of escaping.

"Get the other one?"

"Get the other one. And make sure he stays out of the kitchen!"

»»————-　✼　————-««

"I'm still so sorry about the house." Namjoon glumly said. A sad smile plaguing his soft features. The expression alone made your heart strings pull with guilt. You know he didn't mean it and you should've been nice when you asked him to leave.

"Honey it's fine. I know you didn't do it on purpose, besides we still had at least three more kits!" You tried to cheer him up and so far it didn't seem like it was working. You laid him across your lap as your small fingers made laps through his silky hair. The contentment in his smile made it clear is enjoying this. "I'm sorry I got upset."

"I'm not that little egg killed our gingerbread men!" Jungkook stated with a scoff as he stared at the two of you. A small glare delivered by you seemed to do the job of shutting him up really quickly.

"Enough with the tension who's ready to open a gift!" Taehyung suggested as he slid his way over to the bottom of the tree. His eyes gleaming with joy when he noticed one with his name on it. With a second he grabbed random names and passed them all out. A small smile of happiness grazed everyone’s face.

“Tae, are you sure something like this is for me?” Namjoon questioned as he raised his eyes a him. At the same moment Taehyung’s eyes widen comically as he took another quick peek at the back of the tree.

“I’m sure it’s for you, Hyung.” Taehyung breathed a sigh of relief. The action making you slightly suspicious and worried. You should’ve know Namjoon wouldn’t like such a small gifts. “Well what are you waiting for open them!”

Everyone tore into the gifts without hesitation and awed at each and every single one.

“My knight and shining armor?” Namjoon laughed as he read the incrusted words on the inside of the ring. It didn’t seem like a laugh of amusement, but a laugh of mere happiness. “Princess?”

“I just thought it would be a cute gift, since your only nickname for me is princess. I’m sorry I should’ve gotten you something more flashy you probably think it’s stupid.” You stifled a heartbreaking sigh as you looked down at him in your lap. His familiar touch was felt on your face as he cupped your cheek.

“This is the most sweetest gift I have ever received. I love it.”

“You’re not just saying that so my feelings don’t get hurt are you?” You accused while smiling softly at him. He smiled that heart melting smile and suddenly you were putty in his hands.

“I can now have a piece of you whenever we’re gone.” He spoke in mellow voice sounding like heaven in your ears.

“I hope mines from you, but we all know what I really want.” Jungkook beamed as he ripped out the package. His eyebrows creased in confusion as he stared at the small, empty brown box.

“You’ll get yours after the storm settles down.” You smiled. The bunny smile he was so lucky to have shines brightly. “But no huge ones.”

“Wait you’re actually getting the tattoos with me!” Jungkook bellowed as he races towards you. His hands cupping your face as he planted multiple kisses across your forehead, cheeks, nose and finally your mouth. His teeth grazing yours slightly due to the speed at which he delivered those chaste kisses. “I thought you hated needles! Please don’t do this if you’re only doing it to make me happy.”

“Kookie, I’m doing because I want to and getting cute matching ones with you would make it even better.” You said, trying to calm his worries. “I love you, bunny.”

“I love you, baby. Now open your gift.”

Namjoon raised straight up as the other began to form a small crowd around you. A small laugh of amusement echoed sounded like music to their ears when it passed your lips.

“Diamond earrings, wow they’re gorgeous.” You stated amazed at the sight of the lights sparkling off of the surface. The small glimmer making flecks reflect on your eye. The sight alone made all of them fall deeper in love with you. You were stunning in every aspect according to them. “Who bought these.”

“I did, also comes with something that matches.” Yoongi raised his hand slightly. His gummy smile becoming wider when you placed a kiss to his cheek. The boy with a sucker for all those sweet kisses you gave him. “I hope you like them.”

“I adore them, Yoongi, now where’s the matching item.” You tried to get up only for a hand to push you back down. Many protests were sounded through the room. “Humph, why can’t I have the matching item guys!”

“Our tradition is one present before Christmas that is your one present.” Hoseok stated. “Remember you’re the one who made the rule.”

“Well I didn’t think anyone would actually follow it.” You huffed as you crossed your arms and flung yourself back on the couch.

“You always got onto us if we even looked at another gift!” Taehyung added as he rubbed small circles on your thigh. His nails giving your skin a pleasurable scratch. “Besides only a few more hours until Christmas is here!”

“We can pass the time by watching those movies finally.”

»»————-　✼　————-««

They all stared at your sleeping form with peaceful smiles across their faces.

“Should we wake her up?” Jimin asked as he ran his hands through your hair. “After we go over the plan.”

“We leave the present for last and tell her it’s from all of us.” Jin stated as he took the familiar red, velvet box and hid it in the back of the tree. They really hoped this question didn’t take you off guard, and made you say no. That small word would absolutely send all their worlds crashing down in despair.

“Princess, wake up its Christmas!”

“It’s about damn time.”

You rubbed the cold from your eyes as you pulled yourself up. Eyes almost immediately darting towards the present filled floor. They gave a knowing smile as you quickly got in front of the lit up tree. Hands just grabbing away at random presents.

“I still can’t imagine how much money you all must’ve spent on these.” You softly spoke as you pulled the paper from one of the gift bags.

“For you, we’d spent a lot more then this.” Jungkook stated without hesitation as he pulled you between his legs. You softly leaned into his touch out of habit. “You still have one more gift to open.”

“I don’t see anymore.” You strained your neck to look over the couch and noticed nothing. The sight before you when you turned your head back around made your heart drop.

“Remember how I said the earrings had a matching item, well it matches, but it had a different purpose.” Yoongi cleared his throat as they got down on the floor. You couldn’t help the tears that were starting to gather in your eyes.

“Listen I know the seven of us are a handful, you have ever right to say no. But y/n we’ve all come to the conclusion that you mean the entire world to us and we want you as something more then a girlfriend. We want to establish the fact we’re a family. Would you complete our family and become our wife.”

The sob in your throat escaped before you could retain it. You launched yourself forward into Yoongi’s arms and he wrapped you up without a second thought.

“Oh god, I hope that’s a good sob.” Jin panicked, when it suddenly got loud. Everyone took a cautious step towards you. They were worried you hated them now, they were worried you were gonna pull away from Yoongi and declare those whole thing to be madness in the making.

“Nothing would make me happier, yes absolutely.”

“We love you.”

“I love you all with everything in me and nothing is going to change that.”

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denqis · 5 years ago

Text

bruises ㅡ kaminari denki x reader

summary: the reader gets abused by her dad, whose quirk is mind-reading and who's utterly obsessed with keeping her only for herself.

warning: graphic discrisption of domestic violence and abuse ; cursing ; angst ; fluff

word count: 1622

"hey, y/n, wanna join us at the karaoke bar?"

mina shot you a smile, but it faded quickly, when you just walked past her, head down and earphones plugged in.

a sigh left the girls lips. what was wrong with you?

the whole class had gotten a lot closer ever since moving to the dorms, you noticed that too. you would love to join them, wherever really.

but you couldn't. your dad would have your head in no time if you wouldn't come home right after school.

he doesn't let you go anywhere, let alone move out of the flat.

t-10 minutes

"y/n, hey. wait up! whatcha listening to?"

you stopped in your tracks, kaminari suddenly appearing in front of you. you stared at the blonde, his golden eyes sparkling.

"who cares."

you retort, before quickly stepping away.

"i obviously do. i just asked. come on, loosen up a little. i'm your classmate not some random stranger."

his hand slowly lifted up, moving towards your ear.

your heart rate sped up, vision going blurry and dark.

"don't!"

you yelled out, arms flying up to shield your face.

you trembled, as his arm fell along with his smile.

"y/n.."

he breathed, catching a tiny glimpse of your bruised, scarred arms.

"i-i have to go."

t-7 minutes

you sped up, soon bursting into tears as you took a left, reaching your flat completely out of breath.

you wiped your tears and straightened your blazer, face wiped clean from emotions.

"you're late."

his empty voice called, your lock screen confirmed his statement.

t+3 minutes

"i-i'm sorry. i forgot something at school, so i had to go back."

you lied, feeling dizzy. you knew he'd know the truth in a few seconds. and that he would punish you, not for lying but for...

"you talked to a boy again, huh? how many times do i have to tell you?! are you that dense? no talking to boys, no wasting time, no sleeping around."

"i'm not-"

you couldn't even finish your sentence before his fist hit your cheek, a pulsating pain shooting through your whole skull. you could feel blood trickling down your face.

"shut up, i can almost smell his stench on you! you're a little slut aren't you? but with that bruised little face of yours no boy will want you. you know what to do."

he instructed, you nodded, before walking into the kitchen and getting out a mallet, letting it smash down onto your left arm. you were used to the pain by now, it didn't sting anymore.

"that's a good girl. and no stopping until i say so, got it?"

a lifeless nod followed his instruction.

'kaminari...'

your mind flew to his smile and eyes, his laugh that made even your darkest days brighter.

"think about this boy again and i'll make you pay. my little girl belongs to only me."

he took the mallet from your hands, turned you towards him and slapped you across your face, once, twice. after the sixth time you fell to the floor, shaking and spitting blood. the salty and metallic taste in your mouth making you sick.

"what was his name again? kaminari? how about we remind you of how much hurt he's caused you?"

"n-no. dad please. i'm sorry, i'll never think about him again. i'll be good, i promise."

blood, snot and tears ran down your face, but you knew it was no use.

"give me your arm. now."

you shakily lifted your limb, seeing the blade flash once, before penetrating your skin.

"be good at school. and don't even think about covering your arm. if you do, you'll regret it. since you were such a brat yesterday, you'll be home 5 minutes after class ends. understand?"

he knew you wouldn't be able to make it in 5 minutes. he didn't care. he also didn't care that you'd get scolded for not wearing your school blazer and he knew that the swelling, cuts and bruises from yesterday would cause worry.

"good morning class, y/n where is your blazer?"

aizawa asked, eyes piercing through you. the whole class turned to you, gasping at the way you looked. it wasn't unusual for you to have bruises, you had always just brushed them off as battle wounds from kickboxing. but today you looked extra beat up.

"i forgot it at home, i'm sorry."

you stood up and bowed, arms behind your back, showing the backs of forearms to the person behind you, who, unfortunately, was the denki kaminari himself.

the carved, bloody letters that spelled out his name on your arm made him feel sick to his stomach.

once you took your seat again, his hand laid down on your shoulder.

"y/n what's all this about?"

your head began spinning, his hand felt like fire on your body. you longed for his touch, but your whole mind and body ached from your dad's abuse.

"answer me, damn it!"

he suddenly yelped, voice full of desperation, turning all the attention on the two of you.

"y/n, please. answer me.. why? why did you-"

your head hung low, body shaking, tears streaming down your face. you were helpless. you wanted to tell him, hug him and confess just what you really felt, but you couldn't. your dad would kill you.

"fine, don't talk to me at all then. fucking weirdo."

it felt as though a dagger had pierced through your heart and was now being twisted around. the blurry veil in front of your eyes grew thicker and soon you couldn't see anything. your breathing grew erratic, as your constantly forcefully suppressed whimpers and sobs grew louder and louder. your mind was raging, your skull felt like it was going to explode.

"y/n, come with me."

aizawa spoke, as he helped you from your seat, supporting your body that was violently shaken by tremors.

"we're going to help you. we're going to get you out of there, okay? kaminari is just as worried as all of us, if not more."

you looked up at him, his heart sank. never had he seen such a broken soul.

"i'm so sorry. we let this go on for too long."

"my dad.. he will kill me. i love kaminari, i love him so much. he's the only reason i hold on, but now that he hates me, i don't have a reason to stay alive."

you finally spoke, voice quiet and coarse.

"your dad won't do shit, y/n! i'll kill him if he ever lays a single finger on you again."

your head turned to the classroom door, that stood open and showed everyone, faces warped in anger and sadness.

"t-thank you, bakugo.."

you mumbled, he wasn't there with them. of course he wasn't. why would he try and help a weirdo.

you tried to stand up, but your legs failed you. you felt weak and dizzy.

"mr. aizawa, i don't feel too well. i think-"

you had gone days without food, only water found its way into your system every now and again. even your quirk was severely affected.

you thought you saw his blonde hair appear before your face, but before you knew, everything went black.

"her cheek bone is broken, she has several bruises, cuts and scars all over her body, she's malnourished. god what did this man do to his own daughter? he should be locked up."

recovery girl's voice slowly seeped into your consciousness, along with a strong grip around your hand.

"i think she's waking up!"

your heart skipped a beat, the electrocardiogram attached to you exposing your true feelings. he was here, by your side.

"k-kami-"

you tried to speak, but he interrupted you immediately.

"it's denki to you."

your heavy lids lifted, feasting upon his face and smug grin, trying to cover up the deep worry in his eyes.

"denki.."

you were about to sit up, when he leaned down to your bandaged face.

"you know, i just changed my mind. i think i'd prefer you calling me your boyfriend."

your heart raced, was he being serious?

"woah there, calm down. your poor heart. so that's the effect i have on you, huh? good to know."

he giggled, before softly lifting his hand to your face.

"i won't hurt you, i promise."

he purred, before carefully caressing your face, the thumb on his other hand starting to draw circles onto the back of your hand.

"damn, i really wanna kiss you right about now."

that's when your dad's words echoed in your mind

you're a little slut ... with that bruised little face of yours no boy will want you ... how about we remind you of how much hurt he's caused you ...

he was wrong, denki wanted you, no matter what.

"you're crying again? stop it, i can't stand seeing you cry."

his fingers wiped your tears slowly and carefully as he smiled down at you.

"about that kiss.."

you began, his face lighting up, leaning in once again.

"i'll take it slow, don't worry."

"young kaminari! get out right now, the poor girl is close to a heart attack because of you. only i am allowed to kiss people in this room. now, go and next time you visit, bring her flowers, it looks so empty and cold in here without them."

recovery girl ushered the blonde out of the room, before turning to you.

"people who go through a lot, get to call dibs on the best men. that one's a keeper, you better prepare yourself to get spoilt rotten."

she laughed and returned to her work, leaving you a blushing mess, electrocardiograph about to explode.

#kaminari denki #kaminari x reader #denki x reader #bnha #mha x reader #bakugo x reader #bakugo katsuki #midoriya izuku #deku midoriya #kirishima eijirou #kirishima x reader #kaminari x you #bakubro #bakusquad #mha hanta sero #sero hanta #mina ashido #oneshot #my hero academia ochako

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raleigh-ocean · 6 years ago

Text

you (are everything i hate of myself)

Rory's behaviour had put her on the edge. She was sure that he didn't really mean any harm but it hurt at that moment.

Now she needed a shower to take her mind off of the tension that ran around the house in circles. Audrey was pretty sure those three days were going to be hell, but not because something might happen but because she wanted to go back home the moment she put a foot there.

The cruel and snarky comments exchanged with Shelby had made everything worse. All she wanted was to smack her across the face and just put her down off the cloud with all her thoughts.

What a pathetic bitch she was.

Lost in her thoughts, Audrey made her way to the master bedroom. She didn't care anymore about the audience or whoever watched them, she just wanted for those three days to be over and go back to Los Angeles. Obviously the extra money would come in handy, but maybe her nerves weren't strong enough this time.

And it was proved when she opened the master room’s door to find Shelby there, standing by the bed, supporting herself in one of the bed posts.

For a second, Audrey not only scanned the room to get a hold of where the cameras were, she tried to wrap her head about what her friend could like from the other blonde woman. Taller than Audrey herself but shorter in comparison with Dahlia; bulky but not much, the yoga Audrey wondered; long silky-like hair, making her feel self conscious of her own short hair.

Was her friend into nice butts? That's as much as she could give her though.

“You shouldn't be here,” Audrey spoke without finishing to check Shelby out in her search of why's. Shelby jumped a bit, turning around startled but not moving. “I don't want you here.”

Audrey did move, trying to not look at her more than necessary. When Shelby didn't answer back with words but with a muffled sniffle, she was tempted to but Audrey made a beeline to her suitcase.

Oh come on, crying in the first night?

Be polite, Audrey, you promised to yourself you were going to be polite at least. Well, she already halted that downstairs, but she had to do it from now on.

“Please Shelby, go to your room,” she stopped from trying to get clean clothes to take some breaths before turning around to look at the other woman. “Look, if you want a shoulder to cr- Wait, what the Hell? Why do you have a cellphone?”

The device in Shelby's hands wasn't the one Sidney gave to all of them. It had a turquoise case with some stickers, it was her personal phone, and she was holding it with the same hope of someone who waits for their saving Grace.

Audrey felt her own lower lip tremble when Shelby tried to articulate something between sniffles. Patience, just have patience. If Sidney was watching them, he had seen this for sure.

“I'm not as stupid as you all think I am,” Shelby managed to say, a bit hoarse voice. Maybe there she got a part of why Dahlia liked her. “I would be nuts to come back without a salvage.”

“Well, your salvage is damned now darling,” she chuckled, pressing her cold hand to her nape. “You should had kept it a secret, playing games or whatever when none saw you.”

“It isn't a game,” Shelby croaked a half laugh. “I'm…Matt is not going to go back with me,” she shook her head slowly. “I thought she would, but I guess I was wrong.”

Audrey, in that exact moment, felt how her body turned to ice. It only took her one step to snatch the mobile phone from Shelby's hands just to see the text. This absolute twat didn't even delete her contact. She didn't have to scroll up to see several non-replied messages, because she knew every one of them by heart.

After all, she did see them all in Dahlia's phone.

But there was a reply from the woman in front of Audrey. Only one against thousand messages. Thirty minutes ago against months and months of silence.

Please, I don't want to be here. Can you come pick me up? I'm sorry, I love you.

Feeling her bile in her throat, she locked the phone trying to unsee it all. Shelby didn't react, not even when Audrey turned around to stop being drowned by her presence.

However, the phone buzzed within seconds.

I don't know when I'll get there, but hang in there Shel, don't do anything stupid. Stick with Drey for once, please.

The only thing Audrey knew is that her hand hit Shelby's cheek with such strength that it made her fall in the bed. The phone got lost inside the luggage, the message left unread.

For Shelby.

For Dahlia.

And Audrey wished for her too.

“How fucking dare you?” she wanted to pour everything by yelling at her, but her voice didn't go up and was steady for once. “Are you going to make her fly from Los Angeles just to get your egoistic arse out of here?” the other blonde stood up from the bed, trembling by both her sobs and whatever was darkening her features. “Did you even know how scared she is of planes? She would drive all the fucking way here. For you.”

“Oh, and how do you know that?” if Audrey could recognize something, it was both anger and jealousy. “Why do you even care what I do and what I don’t?”

The second slap came much harder than the first, it made her feel sick of her stomach. But Shelby, unlike before, prompted forward and slapped her back without any mercy. Much stronger than the actress, she pushed her and her back hit the wall, throwing her into a fit of coughs.

Shelby wasn’t having it either.

“Because she is my friend,” Audrey managed to say, squinting her eyes a bit while the cough was starting to go down. “I don’t understand why she doesn’t do better than you,” than us but she was never going to say that. “You’re like a child that wants it all.”

“It’s none of your business,” Shelby got closer to Audrey, almost nose to nose. “If you touch me ever again, I’ll break your nose,” they looked into each other’s eyes for a second and as weird as it was, both knew there was something more in each other. “She isn’t coming anyway, you probably know that too, she always message back immediately, right?”

Walking away from the master room, Shelby didn’t look back to see how Audrey grunted in discomfort. Both had their cheeks red, aching, but something inside Shelby told her it wasn’t Audrey slapping her what pained her the most. It was the fact that the other woman knew best than her.

How dare she?

The doorbell rang and Shelby soon was too busy to actually think about what had happened with Audrey, but she was going to keep her promise of not crossing paths with her and avoid her.

Why everyone acted as if she was some kind of adult child?

She wasn't for God's sake. Matt used to do that, Dominic did that too. Not even starting from Lee, which was quick on her feet to rub everything in her face again and again. Closing her eyes for a second when a chance of calm came, she really wished to not have fucked up the only good thing she had left from all this mess.

That wish actually came to her head several times through the nightmare when it started all over again. How she wanted to be better and stronger and learning how stand her ground. Each blow thrown at her, reminded that she should try harder and demonstrate them all that she was capable of everything.

Audrey, for her part, had cursed herself for letting the other woman go without knowing about the message. Now she was supposed to keep an eye on Shelby? Shelby, who warned her with a broken nose; Shelby, who was what she hated about herself made flesh and bone.

When shit started to hit the fan, she forgot about that promise (not at all, she had saved the woman from bleeding out with her theater nursing skills at least) and her own instinct drove her through the darkness and the pain and the fear.

None of them thought how could Dahlia feel about the whole situation, again, in their self-centered brains before shit started to went downhill.

How she spent thirty minutes arguing with her cousin about what could they do. How she was now driving at top speed with said cousin to get there as soon as possible, risking everything she had for them - because as much as Shelby had asked her to come, she was going to get Audrey out of that house too.

Shelby thought there was no hope for her anymore, being selfish yet again by giving up on life…but Audrey had arrived on time to stop her. Still a hellish mess of blood, but she would make it. Even when the actress that she hated was trying to save her by throwing her to the secret cellar, it reminded her to try and do better.

Audrey wanted to make it too, in the aftermath of the nightmare. But when she was going to do the wrong choice, when she was so sure that it will cost her life, a body collide against both her body and the cop's. A hand that reached out for hers to stop her from pulling the cop's gun to kill that bitch.

“Let go baby, let go,” her tired eyes must be pretty fucked but she thought she was looking at her Rory even when the voice talking was a woman's one. “You have to let go.”

Shelby's weak cries made her head spin, but she obeyed. She was alive after all, as weak as she was, but still alive.

Blinking out of her trance, she took a better look at the one she thought it was her husband to find out it was her beloved friend.

“I did it,” she sobbed loudly and she overheard the cop asking the woman holding her to keep her up. “Shelby…I-I did it.”

Dahlia put Audrey's head against her chest, hugging her tightly in case she passed out on her because off blood lost - the gun wound in her arm looking awful.

“Of course you did love,” the taller woman said, kissing her head with relief and love. “Everything's gonna be fine, you're safe now,” she didn't like to hear Dahlia that scared. “You both are safe now.”

Audrey didn't get to think much before finally passing out of exhaustion, but as she was being held one thing crossed her mind.

Shelby owed her a big one.

And just by saving her ass, she proved a point: as self-centered as she was, as much as she saw herself in the other blonde…they weren't the same anymore.

#shelby miller #audrey tindall #ahs imagine #ahs roanoke #shelby miller x original character #audrey tindall & original character #original character #dahlia deen #american horror story #audrey tindall & shelby miller

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cryingbilldenbrough · 7 years ago

Note

Hc that after Georgie disappears Eddie notices that Bill is acting different, that he's tired & distant & not eating, & to Eddie everything has to be a physical ailment so he tries desperately to comfort Bill but it's like, "here have medicine for this!!" & it's hard for him to understand that's Bill's sad not sick & that your ~brain can be sick but he tries in his own way?? Idk where I'm going w this I just had to share the thought of poor Eddie trying to fix his friend with bandaids & pills

OKAY so this is VERY OLD but i got a message from E this morning asking about sick bill denbrough and i remembered i started something for this prompt MONTHS AGO and never finished it! so here we are, a very very long thing that really got away from me lmao! enjoy some kaspbrough hurt/comfort!!

Bill has dark circles under his eyes.

Eddie notices it third period, when Mr. Johansen tells the class to consult with their seat neighbors about tonight’s homework assignment. Eddie spins around in his desk and turns to see Bill with his head pillowed on his elbows. He raises his head when Eddie moves, blinking slowly and stifling a yawn.

“You okay, Bill?” Eddie asks, taking in his friend’s pale skin and tired eyes. Bill looks like he hasn’t slept in a week and Eddie can’t believe he’d missed Bill’s appearance when he came into class. Bill shrugs, just the lightest lift of his shoulder, and grabs his pencil. He looks between Eddie’s face and his blank notebook paper, bare of notes from the class period, and Eddie tries not to notice the way Bill squints as if he’s having trouble focusing on what’s in front of his face.

“W-what are we s-supposed to be d-d-doing again?” Bill asks, and his voice is hoarse. Now that Eddie’s concentrating, he can tell that Bill’s throat rasps every time he takes a breath, like he’s got a sore throat. Bill winces as he swallows and that’s the final straw.

“You’re sick,” he says. His own tone is flat and Bill looks at him with wide eyes, as if Eddie’s a moment away from running. But Eddie’s been working on this lately and he would rather comfort his friend than worry about his own foolish irrational fears.

“I’m f-fine,” Bill promises, clearing his throat. It doesn’t make him sound any healthier and Eddie eyes him warily. Before Eddie can insist on marching Bill down to the nurse’s office personally, the bell rings and Bill gathers up his notebook and pencil case. He smiles apologetically at Eddie and books it out of class, leaving Eddie sitting at his desk feeling completely like he missed something.

He doesn’t have class again with Bill until sixth period Reading and by that time Eddie has completely forgotten about his earlier worry because Bill looks just fine. His skin is back to its usual color and he grins at Eddie when he walks into the room.

“Hey, Eds,” Bill says, voice strong, and Eddie forgets all about his fear. He smiles at Bill and sits down in the desk next to his and pulls out his homework.

The next time Eddie notices, it’s lunch time on a Tuesday and Bill has no lunchbox in front of him. He’s talking animatedly to Richie and Stan and no one else seems to notice he’s not eating. It’s not even like Bill forgot his box lunch and had to buy school lunch, Bill doesn’t even go through the line. He draws no attention to the fact he’s skipping lunch and that’s when Eddie notices his cheekbones. Bill has always been skinny, too lanky and tall to keep any meat on his bones, but god he looks downright scrawny now. His cheeks are sunken and his skin is pale and fuck, how could Eddie have forgotten? How did he miss Bill continuing to get sicker and sicker?

Eddie wonders if maybe this is all the after-effects of It, his ability to somehow miss his friend looking deader and deader. Is the fog convincing him Bill looks fine, looks healthy and alive until Eddie takes a closer look and sees his flushed cheeks and sweating hairline.

He waits for a lull in conversation and then slides a hair closer, blinking to see if somehow the fog comes back.

And it does. For one moment, when Bill tips his head back to laugh at something Richie says, he looks perfectly normal. His hair shines in the light and his eyes are bright but then Eddie blinks again and he’s dying.

It’s not like a nightmare, not like the way It manifested as the leper, because Bill looks like he’s actually dying, the slow way. There’s no over-dramatic pus and leathery skin and rattling cough. Bill just plain looks cold, looks pale and sad and sallow.

Eddie presses into Bill’s side, disguising it as reaching across him to grab one of Richie’s grapes, and tries to get a read on Bill’s temperature. He’s definitely feverish, his thigh hot even through his jeans and Eddie’s own slacks. Eddie doesn’t completely move back, stays pressed close to Bill, and listens to his and Richie’s conversation.

He feels it the moment Bill suppresses a shiver, clamps a hand down on his thigh to keep himself from shaking.

That’s the final straw.

“Hey Bill,” Eddie says, low enough that only Bill hears it. “Can I come over after school? I need some help with geometry homework,”

It’s only half a lie.

“S-sure, Eds,” Bill answers, smiling at him wanly. His lips are cracked and chapped and Eddie wants to look away, wants to look away and then come back to a healthy Bill. But he knows it’s a smoke screen, a fake memory trying to make him let Bill die.

Eddie would rather die himself than let Bill go.

“Great,” Eddie makes himself say, standing from the lunch table. “I’ll see you then,”

He grabs his backpack off the floor and slips it over both shoulders and makes to walk away.

“W-w-wait, Eddie,” Bill calls, pointing at Eddie’s abandoned half-eaten lunch tray. “Your lunch,”

“Not hungry,” Eddie says and shoots an arm out to move it into the empty space in front of Bill. “You can have it,”

Bill looks wary, looks like maybe eating would make him feel sicker, but Eddie’s first step in Getting Bill Well Again starts with fucking eating something.

“You can have it,” he repeats, but he phrases it like a command this time. There’s an edge to his voice and Bill doesn’t miss it. He nods, quick like lightning, and picks up Eddie’s fork. There’s a small bit of Eddie that shudders at the thought of Bill using his own used silverware but he pushes it aside if it means Bill gets his strength back up.

“See you later,” Eddie calls again and turns around smiling.

Eddie races home immediately after the final school bell rings. There’s no time to dilly-dally by his locker or shoot the shit with Richie and Ben at the bike rack. He runs to his bike and hops on, flying past the buses loading with tired kids and down the street. He cuts corners, biking over grass and curbs and almost hitting a couple of younger kids from the elementary school down the street.

He rides like a madman and there’s a voice inside him laughing, chuckling out “Hi-Ho Silver, away!” as Eddie ignores the burning in his chest and keeps biking through the tell-tale signs of a beginning asthma attack.

He drops his bike in the front yard, not kicking up the kickstand, and opens the front door as silently as he can.

Just like clockwork, his Ma is passed out in her recliner, daytime soap operas on in the background. He tiptoes past the door to the living room and makes his way to the kitchen.

He picks up a kitchen chair and sets it in front of the medicine cabinet, climbing on it so he can rifle around the shelves. He grabs Tylenol and a hot water bottle and a thermometer and fever reducer. He sets them all down on the counter below, trying not to clatter around too loudly, and goes back in for a second round. He gets a tub of petroleum jelly and Sudafed and children’s Motrin and Vicks vapor rub.

He picks up one of his prescription painkillers, with a name he can’t pronounce, and considers bringing it. Then he remembers DARE class, remembers Henry Bowers’ dad, Derry sheriff, telling them about the dangers of sharing prescriptions and how they can make you sicker. He sets the pill canister back down and steps off the kitchen chair, dragging it back to its place by the table.

He fills his backpack with all his supplies and runs upstairs to grab one last thing before leaving.

“Eddie, dear, where are you going?” He hears from the front room and sighs because he must have woken Ma up.

“Studying at Bill’s,” he calls back, hand on the doorknob.

“Eddie,” she warns and he sighs again. It’s not a concrete warning, he knows he could walk out and she wouldn’t do anything, but it’s the guilt that stops him. He drops his backpack at the door and drags his feet around the corner. HIs Ma is sitting up in her recliner now, a mug of cold tea clutched in her big hands.

Things between him and Ma changed a while ago, but she hasn’t changed her nature, not really. She’s just afraid of him now, afraid of the power he holds over her. Afraid because she knows he could leave at any minute and she would be wrecked.

There’s some part of Eddie that still loves her and that’s the thing he hates most of all.

“What, momma?” he asks and she flinches a little bit at his tired tone.

“Will you be back for supper?” she asks and Eddie sighs again.

“Probably not, momma,” he answers truthfully, fulling expecting to be at Bill’s until late tonight.

“You know I don’t like you riding your bike late at night,” his Ma says. “Not when it gets so dark this time of year,”

“I know, Ma,” he says.

There’s a moment, a beat of them staring each other down and waiting for the other to concede. Eddie could play this game all fucking day, mainly because he knows his Ma is weak and that’s a particular trait he did not inherit.

“Be careful,” she says finally, looking down into her tea.

“I will,” Ed says and spins on his heel to go back outside.

“I love you!” she calls after him, a little desperate.

Eddie doesn’t reply. He just grabs his backpack and lets the front screen door slam shut behind him.

When he gets to Bill’s house, the front door is unlocked. He lets himself in and deposits his shoes by the front door, backpack rattling as he walks down the short hallway into the living room.

There’s a melody drifting through the house and Eddie figures it must be Mrs. Denbrough but no, it’s unpracticed and little rough and Eddie follows it to the dining room to find Bill sitting at the piano bench, plucking at the keys. His shoulders are hunched, spine pressed against the fabric of his shirt and showing every bone. He takes a breath and straightens when he hears Eddie enter the room but it doesn’t make his chest look any stronger.

“H-hey, Eds,” he greets, quiet. The lights in the dining room are off and though it’s nice outside, the room doesn’t have any windows and is dark and cold. Bill runs his hands over the keys and starts playing something sad and slow.

“Haven’t seen you play piano in a while,” Eddie says, remembering the days when he used to come over here for piano lessons years and years ago, sitting on the bench next to Mrs. Denbrough and feeling her hands over his as she taught him basic chords.

“I’m r-r-rusty,” Bill jokes, grinning at Eddie.

Now that he’s here, in Bill’s cold house, Eddie thinks he figured out how Bill got this sick, got this bad without anyone knowing.

“Your parents at work?” Eddie asks and Bill purses his chapped lips and shrugs, just one shoulder.

Eddie hums in response, furrowing his eyebrows, and Bill closes the piano cover over the keys.

“So, g-geometry?” Bill asks and Eddie nods. He hopes when he lifts his backpack up that it doesn’t rattle too much.

“Your room?”

Eddie’s looking for an entry, looking for the perfect moment to spring his Plan on Bill, but there’s just no opening. Bill’s voice is steady when he shows Eddie how to do equations and draw graphs and he doesn’t shiver when he’s sitting cross legged in his own bed.

Eddie spins around in Bill’s desk chair and tries to seem like he doesn’t understand his homework even though he does.

Then Bill starts clearing his throat after every few sentences. It starts slow, just like he’s maybe getting a little tired of talking, but Eddie knows better. He offers Bill a drink from his water bottle and Bill takes it, wincing at he swallows.

Bill sniffs and goes back to teaching.

Then the coughing starts.

It’s slow again, just a few short bursts here and there. It’s dry, like he’s maybe choked on his drink of water or something, but it gets harder and wetter as he keeps coughing.

“Bill?” Eddie says, looking at him in concern as Bill’s face goes bright red. It’s a real whooping cough, the kind that Eddie knows hurts like a fucking bitch deep in your chest. Bill sucks in air and covers his face, turning it into his shoulder as his entire body rocks with the effort of coughing.

He finally stops, taking a big drink out of Eddie’s water bottle and he’s almost finished all the water at this point. He looks at Eddie, red-faced and with tears in his eyes, and that’s the final straw.

“Alright,” Eddie says, standing from the desk chair and grabbing his backpack. He plops it down on Bill’s bed, rattling the whole way, and zips it open.

“W-what’s that?” Bill asks and his voice is shot, scratchy and hoarse and it grates against Eddie’s ears.

“Bill, when was the last time you slept the night through?” Eddie asks, pulling the thermometer out and taking the cap off.

“W-what?” Bill asks, looking startled.

“Nevermind, don’t talk,” Eddie says and shoves the needle under Bill’s tongue. Bill tries to respond but Eddie physically clamps his lips shut. Bill’s chin is clammy under his fingers and Eddie feels the tremors of Bill trying not to shiver, especially noticeable when he’s this close.

They wait in silence until a beep rings out from the thermometer and Eddie takes it out carefully.

100.3. Not particularly dangerous yet, but certainly not good.

Eddie hides the results from Bill and tries to think of what he should do first. Medication? Pile of blankets? Bath? More water?

He presses closer to Bill and the other boy is leaning into it now, tipping his head down to rest against Eddie’s shoulder and his breath rattles when he inhales. It’s almost like he’s giving in, relieved to finally receive some care and the thought of Bill suffering alone all this time is like a knife to Eddie’s stomach.

Bath, then.

“I’ll be right back,” Eddie says and Bill almost whines in his throat when Eddie moves off the bed. He digs in the bag again and pulls out some children’s Motrin.

“Take two of these,” he commands and Bill nods at him. His movements are sluggish, sleepy, and Eddie knows he’s giving in and letting himself be taken care of.

Eddie tracks down the hallway to the bathroom and starts a bath running, testing the temperature of the water with his fingers. He wants it hot, but not too hot. When he deems it fine he plugs the tub and pours in a generous amount of bubble bath, aromatic and soothing. He leaves the room, closing the door so the steam stays in.

Then he runs downstairs with a towel in hand, down to the kitchen. The basement door is closed, having been remodeled after the floods of that Summer. The floor under Eddie’s feet creaks as he takes careful steps toward it.

“It’s for Bill,” he says and reaches out to turn the doorknob.

He flicks the stairway light on with a flinch.

The stairs are new, carpeted and they don’t feel a moment away from giving out under Eddie’s feet like he remembers they used to.

He runs down them, a childish fear keeping him from peering in the dark corner of the basement, and opens the door of the clothes dryer to toss a few towels and blankets in.

He sets the timer for thirty minutes and looks a moment longer to make sure he got it right before turning and running back up the steps. His feet are silent on the stairs and that scares him more than a thundering run would. It seems like anyone could be following him back upstairs now and he would never know until it was too late.

He forces himself to close the door without looking back behind him.

Once back upstairs, he checks on the bath. The bubbles are big and smell amazing and the water is hot enough that Eddie knows it’ll do the trick. He leaves the bathroom again, trying to keep the steam in, and returns to Bill’s room.

His backpack is still on the bed, different medications spread out around Bill’s hunched form, and Bill seems to be dozing. It’s not sleep, not real rest at all, because it’s fitful. His eyebrows are furrowed and his lip is caught between his teeth.

He lets out a low sound and Eddie taps on the door to wake him.

“Bill,” he says and Bill’s eyes open. They’re hazy, unfocused, and god how did they miss it for so long because they’re not as blue as they used to be. How did Eddie not noticed the light leaving Bill’s eyes, eyes he’s loved since before he can remember?

Eddie steps forward and reaches a hand out to steady Bill as he climbs out of bed. His shirt is sticking to his feverish skin and Eddie rubs a hand over his back as he leads him to the bathroom.

The door lets out a wave of steam as it opens and Eddie watches Bill take a deep breath of humid air and hold it in.

“You just get in the bath,” Eddie commands, voice soft. He doesn’t want to break the tentative trust in the air, the soft hesitance as Bill lets Eddie lead him around and take care of him. Bill nods, chin tipped down touching his chest and he looks over at the bathtub. Eddie shuts the door behind him and lets Bill get undressed.

While Bill takes his bath, Eddie returns to Bill’s bedroom. He gathers up all the meds back into his backpack and strips the sheets from Bill’s bed. They’re rumpled and pilled and Eddie wonders when the last time Bill’s mom did the laundry. He goes over to Bill’s closet and sees his pants and shirts folded haphazardly, clumsy like a kid would do, and Eddie thinks maybe Bill’s been doing all this by himself for a long time.

He remakes Bill’s bed with soft faded sheets he finds in the hallway linen closet. They’re a little musty and have spaceships on them, old and faded, but they’re clean and that’s what matters to Eddie.

The comforter goes back on, folded over so Bill can slip inside easily, and Eddie hears a faint beep from the dryer downstairs as it finishes the load.

The basement isn’t scary this time, partly because Eddie’s already conquered it, but also because he’s distracted by the warm feeling of taking care of Bill that’s settled itself in the pit of his stomach.

The blankets and towels are hot and Eddie runs back up the stairs, hoping to keep them that way by pressing them against his chest.

He knocks on the door to the bathroom, Bill calling out a faint “come in,” and he swings the door open.

Bill’s got his knees drawn up to his chest, shoulder’s slipped down and submerged in the water. The steam curls around the air, fogging the mirror, and Bill’s cheeks are pink from the heat.

“Feel good?” Eddie asks, setting the warm towels down on the corner of the sink. Bill nods, splashing water around his chin. His hair is stuck to his forehead, hanging dull and limp and still dry around the crown of his head.

“You wash your hair yet?” Eddie asks and Bill colors deeper, shaking his head and looking down at the water. “You want me to?”

There’s beat where Eddie thinks he crossed the invisible line, went too far in his quest to take care of Bill. He thinks Bill’s going to throw him out and return to school tomorrow looking sicker and sicker and Eddie’s not going to be able to do anything about it because he weirded him out.

But Bill nods, shy, and accepts the invite.

It’s a little awkward, placement of Eddie kneeling down at the side of the tub. Bill angles a little bit, turning around so his back is to Eddie, and his knees are still to his chest.

Eddie leans over and grabs the shampoo from the side of the tub and he uses the other hand to cup a handful of water to rinse Bill’s hair. Bill shivers as it runs down over his neck and Eddie shushes him soothingly, just a whoosh of breath out of his teeth.

He massages the shampoo into Bill’s hair and Bill relaxes bonelessly against the side of the tub. His knees fall to one side as he slides further into the water and Eddie peeks around to see Bill has his eyes closed, face lax as he leans into Eddie’s touch.

Eddie cups his hands and brings the soapy water up to wash the shampoo out of Bill’s hair. It shines in the light of the bathroom, finally clean and almost back to its usual luster.

This close up, Eddie sees the little bits of red in Bill’s hair, the highlights that he usually only sees in the summer when Bill spends a lot of time outside soaking up the sun.

He realizes it’s been a long time since he’s been alone with his best friend and Eddie suddenly misses that Summer long ago, the summer he spent riding at Bill’s side. It was the worst summer of his life but he sure did enjoy it, didn’t he?

When he blinks back to reality, Bill is dozing again. It’s a soothing sleep this time, his eyebrows relaxed and his hand on the side of the tub limp. Eddie doesn’t want to rouse him but the water is already cooling and Bill needs to sleep in his bed.

“C’mon, Bill,” Eddie says, quiet. He touches Bill’s wet shoulder and rouses him. Bill blinks hard and nods, dazed and sleepy. Eddie gets up and dries his arms on the hand towel hanging by the sink and then grabs the warm towels. They’ve kept their heat, held in by the steam of the bath, and Eddie hands one to Bill. He takes it and Eddie turns as he steps out of the bath. The water splashes as his weight displaces it, and Eddie turns back around to see Bill with the towel wrapped around his waist.

He’s too skinny. His ribs stick out and his collarbones are sharp and Eddie hates seeing him like this. He makes it his next mission to get a fucking home-cooked meal into Bill.

He steps forward with the second towel and Bill furrows his eyebrows at him as he wraps it tight around Bill’s shoulders. The fabric isn’t as soft as Eddie would like it to be, still a little coarse, but it’s warm and it does the trick. Bill makes a humming sound low in his throat and leans into Eddie’s side as they leave the warm comfort of the bathroom and make the seemingly endless trek back to Bill’s room.

Eddie turns around again as Bill changes into a pair of pajamas, a matching set that Eddie remembers from sleepovers at Bill’s house. They hang off him now, too short in the legs and sleeves but too big in the chest and waist.

“Nap time,” Eddie says and Bill cracks a smile at him with heavy eyelids. Eddie watches as Bill pauses as he goes to crawl into bed, fingering the new sheets.

“T-these are Guh-Georgie’s,” he says and his voice is still hoarse but the steam seems to have made it better. Eddie takes in his words and freezes.

“I’m sorry, I grabbed them from the closet, I can get other ones,” he starts, rambling an apology out. The other sheets in the closet looked too big for Bill’s bed to Eddie but he guesses he could make them work by tucking them just right.

“N-no,” Bill says. He’s still looking down at them and Eddie feels like such a dick for making Bill sad when he’s already sick. “I love them,”

He sits down on the edge of the bed and Eddie remembers one last thing. One last thing his Ma used to do that actually made him feel better.

“Wait,” Eddie says and riffles around in his backpack again. He pulls out the tub of Vicks and tosses it to Bill. “Put some of this on?”

“Where?” Bill asks, looking down at the container in confusion. Eddie sighs, realizing he probably should have known Bill’s never used it before, and shoos Bill to scoot over.

“Turn around,” he commands and Bill does so, facing away from him. Eddie opens the container and scoops a genorous amount of the goopey ointment out, warming it between his hands, and then plucks Bill’s shirt back and spread it over his back. It goes over his neck and down almost to his lower back.

Then Eddie makes Bill turn around so he can do the same to his chest, rubbing it over his clavicle and up around his throat. Bill closes his eyes as Eddie rubs the medicine in, eyelashes dark against his pale cheeks.

“Do you have warm socks?” Eddie asks, breath ghosting over Bill’s face. The boy doesn’t open his eyes as he nods, just points over in the vague direction of his dresser.

Eddie finds the warmest looking fleece pair and then rubs Vicks over the bottoms of Bill’s feet and then covers them in the socks, squeezing Bill’s toes before straightening.

“Now nap,” Eddie says and Bill is all too ready to comply. He pulls the comforters around his shoulders and settles onto his side, facing the window. It’s almost evening, sun setting behind the rows and rows of houses, and Eddie turns the desk lamp off. He grabs the two blankets he put in the dryer, one from Bill’s floor and one he brought from home.

It’s his baby blanket, the tattered thing he has faint memories of dragging around behind him as a toddler. It’s old and stained but it’s always made Eddie feel better when he’s been actually sick. He never had any younger siblings to pass it down to but he supposes Bill is good enough for that. He tucks it up around Bill’s shoulders, Bill already halfway to sleep, and then steps back to admire his work.

He refills a glass of water and sets it by Bill’s bed, along with a pack of coughdrops and the tub of Vicks.

Bill’s bedroom door squeals as he shuts it behind himself and Eddie walks out of Bill’s house with the feeling of a job well done making his chest feel light.

The next day, Bill walks into school looking healthier again.

He’s still skinny, arms small beneath the sleeves of his baseball tee, but his hair is shiny again. He’s got color in his face and he smiles at Eddie privately during third period, ducking his head to hide the blush on his face as Eddie tells him he looks well.

Eddie’s so proud of himself that he doesn’t stop for a moment to consider if this is It at work, convincing him he’s healed Bill when actually Bill is just as sick as before. He doesn’t wonder if the sound of Bill’s voice, strong and healthy, is just the smokescreen at work.

The fog is thick again and Bill Denbrough is healthy in Eddie’s eyes once more.

send me prompts/headcanons/requests!

#kaspbrough #bill denbrough #eddie kaspbrak #it 2017 #it movie #it stephen king #pretty gen tbh #hurt comfort #my writing #also completely un-betaed im late to work as is i dont got time to reread LMAO #hope this makes you happy anon if u are even still around to see this!!!!!!

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boffeeceans · 4 years ago

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Change Your Life, Chapter Four

Beatrice woke up in a cold sweat, she could vaguely remember the ride back to camp and being carried to her tent. She knows exactly why she passed out like that, it had happened before. It wasn't something to get too worried about, but it wasn't anything good either. Beatrice stood up, her head was spinning and she lost her footing a couple of times, but she eventually got out of the tent. She looked up, expecting to see a light blue sky and the sun, but was met with dark blue and the moon. She started walking, but didn't get far before she tripped over her own feet, she readied herself for the impact of the ground, but someone caught her. She looked up to see who it was and was met with Abigail's worried expression.

"You alright there?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine, thank you." Beatrice looked around trying to find Arthur through her blurry vision. He was sitting at the campfire by himself. "I'm gonna go talk to Arthur, thanks again for catching me."

Abigail looked over to where Arthur was sitting, "Need some help getting over there?"

"Oh no, I think I got it," She gave Abigail a reassuring smile before straightening herself and making her way over to the campfire. She nearly tripped and fell again a couple of times making her think that maybe she should have accepted Abigail's help. It took her a while, but she got there eventually. She tried to step over the log that Arthur was sitting on, but standing on one leg made her lose her balance and she almost fell over again. She put her hand on Arthur's shoulder to regain her balance which caused him to look over to her. He got up to help her sit down. They didn't say anything, they just sat there in silence for a while staring at the fire. All that could be heard was the crackling of the fire and the various noises of sleeping people.

"I'm sorry if I scared you back there," Beatrice broke the silence. Arthur shifted a little, he didn't like to admit it, but she did scare him. She was fine one moment and the next she was on the floor.

"What happened?" Arthur looked at her just to a smile growing on her face. It confused him, he had no idea what was so funny about it.

"I didn't get a whole lot of sleep and I was busy all day long, so I… I kinda forgot to eat…"

"How do you forget to eat?" Arthur asked, even more confused than before.

"I just forget when I'm really busy and…" Her smile faded a little, but didn't completely disappear, "It's just that momma or Elijah used to remind me to eat something if that happened."

Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose, he reached in his satchel and got out a can of peaches and a fork, he opened the can with his knife and handed it to Beatrice, "Eat."

Beatrice's face lit up and the smile reappeared on her face bigger than before, she took the can and didn't hesitate to start eating. Arthur laughed at the sight of her just shoveling down peaches like it was nothing.

"What?" Beatrice asked with big blue eyes and half a peach in her mouth, which caused Arthur to laugh harder. "I fuckin' love peaches, alright?" She said after she swallowed the peach.

"I didn't say anythin'" Arthur felt something warm growing within his chest when she smiled at him, she had smiled at him before, but never this genuine. The feeling reminded him of when he saw Isaac for the first time.

Arthur's thoughts got cut short when Beatrice got up after finishing her peaches. Damn that kid can eat fast, Arthur thought before getting up himself. Beatrice stretched and yawned, "I'm gonna go back to sleep and you look tired, so you should too."

"I will." She was right, he was tired; he hadn't closed an eye ever since she passed out.

Beatrice smiled and pulled him into a hug, Arthur tensed at the gesture. No one has given him a hug in years, but he returned it after a couple of seconds.

"You stayed up for me, didn't you?" Her voice was muffled by being buried in his shoulder; not being quite tall enough to reach above it.

Arthur chuckled, "Yeah, you got me."

Beatrice broke away from the hug and gave him one last smile, "Goodnight." She turned around and walked to her tent.

"Goodnight."

Arthur watched her, that warm feeling never left his chest and he had a smile on his face. There was something about her, she was strong and vulnerable at the same time. He felt the need to protect her the way he couldn't protect Isaac.

---

Weeks have passed and Beatrice was allowed to tag along with Arthur on more jobs because she more than proved herself after busting Micah out of jail. She stole a stagecoach with him and Hosea. They did it at night, Beatrice and Arthur went inside to rob the house while Hosea took the stagecoach. They got a couple hundred dollars from that and Dutch was happy. A couple of days later John, Charles, Arthur, and Sean robbed a train while Beatrice and Micah robbed a banking coach.

It took some convincing to let her go on a job with just Micah. Arthur didn't like the idea one bit, but he eventually let her go.

Robbing the coach seemed to go really well, they got it without missing a shot. It was easy, at least they thought it was until they got ambushed by O'Driscoll's. It was starting to get more and more clear why the Van der Linde's wanted them dead and vice versa. It took a while, but Beatrice and Micah got rid of them and they rode back to camp with just a couple scratches and an extra twelve hundred dollars in their pockets.

Arthur and Abigail had been coming up to Beatrice with snacks throughout the day to make sure she didn't pass out again. She didn't appreciate Arthur telling Abigail about it at first, Beatrice didn't want to be seen as weak, but Abigail assured her that that wasn't the case. It took a little getting used to, they treated her like she could starve to death any second.

Beatrice stood next to her horse with a mostly empty cup of coffee in one hand and a cigarette in the other. She was thinking about maybe going out for a ride, the last time when she was around this many people for more than a couple of hours was on the ranch and she was getting kind of sick of it.

She watched Arthur talk to Abigail, she couldn't hear it, but Arthur didn't seem too happy about whatever Abigail asked him. He made his way over to Jack who was sitting close to where Beatrice was standing. He said something about going fishing and Beatrice thought that she might tag along. Arthur mounted his horse and pulled Jack on with him shortly after. Beatrice dumped the remaining bit of coffee on the floor and put the cup in her saddlebag while Arthur and Jack rode out of camp. She mounted her horse and caught up to them.

Arthur looked to his right to see Beatrice riding next to him, "Where are you goin'?"

Beatrice flashed him a smile, "Wherever you are."

"Why?"

She shrugged, "Because I'm bored, I guess."

Arthur nodded at her and continued his conversation with Jack until they arrived at the river. Arthur taught Jack how to fish while Beatrice sat next to them, she stared out into the river and watched how the fish circled around the bait. It didn't take long until Jack got bored and started doing something else.

"Not catching much there, are ya?" She said with a slight laugh behind her words.

Arthur looked down at her and raised his eyebrows, "What? You think you can do better?"

Beatrice laughed, "Definitely not, I'm better at hunting. Elijah, however, wouldn't hesitate to take that rod from you."

Arthur slowly nodded and focused his gaze back on the river, Beatrice didn't speak of Elijah often, but there was always something of a smile on her face when she did. Arthur wanted to know more about him; not sure if they'll ever get to meet, so he decided to just ask, "What's he like?"

"Who? Eli?"

Arthur nodded again.

"Well…" Beatrice thought about how she was going to say this in the nicest way possible, "He's kind of an asshole," There wasn't a nice way to say it, "He left me in the middle of nowhere for fucks sake, I could've died!" Beatrice kept ranting on about how she hated him and that she didn't care if he was alive or not. Maybe asking about Elijah wasn't such a good idea, and Maybe interrupting Beatrice wasn't such a good idea either, but he had to do it.

"You don't mean that."

Beatrice confirmed that it wasn't a good idea by the way she looked at him, she was mad and didn't appreciate Arthur telling her what she did and didn't mean, "How the hell would you know that?" She got up and looked him in the eye, "You know nothing about me." Her expression softened when she saw the hurt look in his eyes and averted her gaze, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes, "I'm sorry… I just-" She took a deep breath and started walking towards her horse, "I'll see you back at camp."

Arthur wished that he could've said something, but she was right, he didn't know her. He wanted to though, but giving Beatrice her space was the best option right now.

---

She shouldn't have done that. Shouldn't have said those things about Elijah, Shouldn't have yelled at Arthur. He was right now that she thought about it; she really didn't mean it. Elijah was her brother and she loved him, even if he left her for dead. Beatrice hadn't gone straight back to camp, she had to blow some steam off and decided that she would go hunting. She had managed to catch a rabbit and a deer before riding back to camp. She asked John to carry the deer for her after already struggling to get it on her horse. Beatrice leaned against Pearson's table with a sigh and looked around for Arthur, she had to apologize. Not just a quick sorry so that she could leave, a real apology.

She spotted Arthur talking to Miss Grimshaw, It was hard to hear them from the distance, but she could make out something about a letter and a woman named Mary.

"What're you thinkin' about?"

Beatrice looked at John who was now standing next to her, also leaning on the table, "What?"

"You were staring at nothing, so there must be something on your mind."

"Nothing, really. Just…" She bit the inside of her cheek before speaking again, "Who's Mary?"

John scratched the back of his head, he was not expecting that question, "She's uh… she's Arthur's ex-fiancée."

"Oh- wait. Arthur was engaged?"

"Yeah, why are you asking me about Mary anyway?"

Beatrice nodded her head towards Arthur, "He got a letter from her."

John moved his head to look at him and saw he was reading the letter, he looked sad, "Well, that can't be anything good.

Arthur placed the letter and his satchel, Beatrice's gaze followed him as he moved toward her and John. He walked past them without saying a word, he didn't even look at them. She moved away from the table and watched Arthur mount his horse and ride out of camp.

"what are you planning?" John asked.

Beatrice looked over her shoulder, "I'm not planning anything." She said as she stepped towards her horse.

"You're gonna follow him, aren't ya?"

She gave him an innocent smile, "Of course not."

John shook his head with a slight laugh and went on to do something else.

---

Beatrice did indeed follow Arthur, she couldn't help it, her curiosity got the better of her and she had to know who this Mary was. She made sure to keep her distance, but that didn't stop her from flinching every time Dynamite stepped in a twig. She stayed behind him until he rode up to a small farm on the outskirts of Valentine, Beatrice diverted off the road and onto a small hill. She dismounted and shooed him away, crouching down she slowly made her way past the barn, and to the side of the house.

Beatrice listened in on the conversation between Mary and Arthur. They both sounded sad and were hesitant with their words, which was to be expected since they haven't seen each other in years. Mary needed help with her little brother, Arthur didn't agree to help her right away. He went on about how her family didn't like him and that he wasn't good enough for them, but he eventually agreed by asking where Jamie was.

"I owe you."

"You already owe me."

Hearing their last exchange made her think of something, something incredibly stupid, something she definitely shouldn't do, but something she is going to do. Beatrice walked back to the road and waited on her horse until Mary exited the house to go to the train station. Beatrice moved her horse into a slow-paced after Mary passed her, she didn't worry too much about the distance; Mary didn't know her anyway. Beatrice walked into the train station when Mary was just starting to sit down.

"Mary?"

Mary looked up from her book, confusion, and surprise written all over her face, "Do I know you?"

"No uh, no you don't," Beatrice moved her hat more towards the back of her head so that Mary could see her face properly, "I'm Beatrice Morgan… Arthur's daughter."

Mary's eyes widened, "I- he never told me he had a daughter."

"Well, he couldn't have, he only found out a few months ago."

Beatrice took the seat next to Mary, she should have planned out what she was going to say before approaching her. They sat in silence for a while, an uncomfortable one. Beatrice tried to offer Mary a cigarette, but she declined, making the situation more awkward. Every time Beatrice went to say something she closed her mouth again, she knew what she wanted to say, but not how.

"Is there a reason why you came to see me?"

There it was. The perfect opportunity to just blurt it out, and she did. and then she wished she didn't. The expression and Mary's face was… not good, not in the slightest. Beatrice prepared herself to get yelled at or something, but the next words that left Mary's mouth weren't directed at her.

"Jamie!"

Oh shit. It was good that Mary was reunited with her brother, what wasn't good was that Arthur came back while Beatrice was still in the train station. She quickly grabbed the newspaper from the table and pretended to read it and hoped that Arthur hadn't already seen her.

"Beatrice."

She lowered the newspaper revealing a sweet smile, "Arthur."

"What the hell are you doin' here?"

"I uh… I was just having a lovely conversation with Mary over here." She gestured over to Mary who was grabbing her bags. Arthur shook his head and dismissed Beatrice for now, He took Mary's bags and walked her to the train. When she got on the train she turned around and glared at Beatrice for a second before focusing on Arthur.

"I… you're… oh you'll never change. I know that."

It took everything in Beatrice's power to not go up to her and yell to her about how Arthur is a great person, maybe not great, but better than most outlaws and that he deserved so much better than here. But instead of doing all that she just scoffed. Arthur turned around to face Beatrice, there was a variety of emotions displayed on his face, but he was quick to hide them.

"What did you say to her?"

"Oh nothin' important, really." Beatrice turned around and started to leave.

"Don't lie to me, I saw the way she glared at you."

Beatrice stopped in her tracks and hung her head low, "I told her…" She took a deep breath before continuing, "to go on a date with you instead of just asking you to run her errands." She spoke so fast, she just hoped that Arthur understood what she said.

"Jesus Christ, kid." Arthur sounded disappointed, which is worse than mad in a way.

Beatrice turned around with downcast eyes, "I'm sorry for following you and talking to your ex," She looked up and sighed, "I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier today, I- I shouldn't have done that. I'm really so-"

"I'm gonna stop you before you say sorry again," Arthur chuckled. "I get it, I shouldn't have asked."

"No, you had every right to ask," Beatrice smiled at him, "Besides, he is your son after all. How about I buy you a drink as a formal apology?"

Arthur thought for a moment, it was still early, but he could definitely use a drink after all that, "Sure, why not.'

"Great!" They started walking towards the saloon, "Y'know, I'm actually glad she didn't ask you out on a date."

Arthur raised his eyebrows, "And why's that?"

"It's just that you deserve much better than her and she's kind of a b-" Arthur elbowed her in the ribs before she could finish her sentence, "Unpleasant woman. She's an unpleasant woman and I don't like her."

Arthur shook his head, she wasn't the only one that didn't like Mary. He's pretty sure Abigail didn't like her, but she barely knew her so that wasn't much to off. He placed a hand on Beatrice's shoulder and squeezed it a little.

They walked up to the bar when they entered the saloon and Beatrice placed some money on the counter, "A bottle of whiskey with two glasses please."

"Wait," Arthur blinked a few times, "a bottle?"

"Yeah, a bottle." Beatrice moved away from the bar and sat at an empty table.

"I thought we were just going for a drink, not a whole damn bottle."

"Oh come on," She poured him a drink, "We won't end up in jail, I promise."

Arthur looked at the drink, then at Beatrice, "Oh, what the hell,"

It was past midnight, the bottle was almost empty and Beatrice was singing very loud and off-key. Arthur wasn't half as drunk as her, sure he drank quite a bit, but not enough to not remember what he did the next day. He was talking to some guy about who knows what, until Beatrice came up to him with the biggest smile on her face and grabbed his hand.

"We gotta go, right now." Her words were slurred and barely audible.

"Why?"

Beatrice pulled him towards the door, "Trust me, now come on."

Arthur said a quick goodbye to the stranger and followed her out the door and to their horses, he had to prevent her from falling multiple times, because she couldn't walk straight and was constantly tripping over her feet. They stopped by their horses and Beatrice just started laughing.

"What's so funny?"

She reached into her pockets and pulled out money, rings, watched, and other valuables. "I robbed every goddamn bastard in that place," She said, way too loud and still laughing.

"Jesus, put that away and keep your voice down,"

"Sorry," She whispered, she tried to open one of her saddlebags to place the valuables in it but was clearly failing to do so. Arthur opened it for her and laughed at the state she was in; fumbling around and almost dropping everything she was holding. She tried to put her foot in the stirrup but fell backwards as soon as she lifted her foot off the ground. Luckily Arthur stood right behind her and was able to catch her in time, he helped to her feet and turned her to face him. He grabbed her by the waist and lifted her on the back of her horse, "I can ride myself."

Arthur laughed and lifted himself into the saddle, "I don't think so, kid. Just don't throw up on me," He said, he whistled for his own horse to follow and rode out of town.

Beatrice scoffed and pouted, drunk her didn't agree with this one bit, but sober her would be thankful. She wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face between his shoulder blades. "You should read momma's journal if you want to know more about Elijah."

Arthur looked over his shoulder and was about to say something, but Beatrice already forgot what she said and started singing Ring Dang Doo at an extremely high volume.

---

Beatrice woke up everyone in camp with her singing, but she shut up and fell asleep as soon as her head hit her pillow. Arthur sighed in relief and walked towards his own tent, he laid down on his cot and tried to sleep, but found himself unable to. He kept thinking about what Beatrice said, he hadn't opened the journal since he first got it. He wouldn't want anyone to read his journal and thought it was a violation of privacy, but curiosity got the better of him. He opened the chest where he kept his clothes and reached for the book at the bottom of it. He sat back on his cot and opened the journal on the first page only to be surprised to be met with an envelope with his name on it. He slowly opened it, the letter was stained with tears and blood spatters, he took a deep breath and started reading it.

Dear Arthur,

If you're reading this, you know that I was pregnant, gave birth to two beautiful children and that I'm dead. It's weird to say that I'm dead when I'm still breathing, barely mind you, but still breathing. I got diagnosed with tuberculosis sometime last year and it made me think about all the unfinished business that I have. Telling you about Elijah and Beatrice was one of those things, but I have no idea where the hell you are and I'm running out of time.

I want to give you this journal, I wrote a bunch of letters in it meant for you, but I was too cowardly to ever send the first ones and after a while, I realized you guys would've moved and I had no idea where to send them. There's eighteen years worth of information in this thing and I want you to read it.

Please take care of them for me, and take care of yourself as well. I wish I didn't leave, I left because I wanted a safe life for them, but that didn't work out. I still love you and I think about you every day. I hope you found someone to love again, someone you can spend the rest of your life with, someone who tells you everything and doesn't keep things from you that you have every right to know about. I'm sorry.

I left because I was scared, I didn't know how you would react and teenage me thought it was a good idea to just leave without a word instead of just talking about it with you. I'm not asking you to ever forgive me for that, but I am gonna ask that you keep them from doing reckless things.

Good luck with reading all the letters.

Love,

Ethelyn Lowe.

#red dead fanfic #red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan #rdr2

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blahallic · 5 years ago

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I have to start a new memo because the other one is too long and the app keeps freezing. Well it's as though Marci and Marci fucking get at me and it seems like i'd probably have gone back to my kingdom if I had the choice. I wish I would have thought about egyptians being outside of themselves and shit. It really does fucking suck that it's this way. I waited for ya. I waited for ya. But now I don't. You didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it but now I do. I'll play your game. I'll play your game. No.

Get on your horse and be gone. I will not wait up for you anymore so you can ask me if something is wrong.

I remember being 17 and how I started being bi. Like, that shit was so fucking confusing to me. I did not want to like boys. When he comes out it's not a surprise. When he finds out the truths on his side.

Evil grounds. No, but i'm already there. Every night. What the hell happens when you arrive? I kind of dig this not having a job bullshit and just sleeping all I fucking want. It's such a good thing that the place I was working shut down like my Mustang. I wasn't into it at all. I can kinda be into working at Cheddars. Like, it's something to fucking do because i'm making money. I could deal with working at that place. Being in the lower dimensions and all. I guess I have to get used to having roommates and what not. It's just like a living room and a kitchen with 4 rooms. I just keep to myself really. It's like ratchet to me. I dunno. Sucks that i'm here for the next year. I'll be fine though. I'm glad my phone isn't freezing anymore. Close the door, not all the way. We don't understand, we don't understand. So don't you want to remind me, I don't know a thing. Can I stand in your light just for a while? Watching you. Watson you. Emma is like the cutest girl there ever was. Same with Luna. I have always loved Emma. I should have known that liking someone that much kinda means you can see them. I had it out for her for the longest time. She was always around when my cancer first started. I would talk and sing to her a bunch. Can I stand in your light just for a while? Watson you. Watson you. I miss my BMW. I wish I could have figured out how to keep it and have driven to dad's car in it. Dunno how that would work or how I would have had the capacity to find the place. Probabaly not. I would have to just find myself there. I was just sitting upstairs on the computer or whatever. As far as I remember. Emma was in a black dress on my dashboard. It was quite appropriate. Like, it matched dad and his appearance. It showed up in my hood too. I remember eating McDonalds and paddle shifting or whatever. That only happened once. I wonder how much Cole was into his paddles. I remember there being a blk too. And finding all that cash and a pair of Bans was also sweet. I was like asking people for gas when my glovebox had cash in it the whole time. Kinda weird.

Decide my past. Define my life. Don't ask questions cause I don't know why. I really don't get all of this fucking trouble bullshit. It doesn't really make any sense. It has me wanting my sun like desperately. I could use that and shit. Like, a lot. Even though it's not permenant. God this fucking sucks. I want to be able to chill with pyri on with my fucking people. I can't stand any of them though so no thanks. And to top it off I might not like pyramids? Because I lost a folds contest. Whatever that fucking means. I wish black and orange had my back. I mean, they were kinda at my funeral. I don't get how you notice a ring in my hair but not that I needed a sun. You were kinda a strange string too. Like, your string was strange. You looked strange and that's just what I fucking got from that shit. I wanted you making out with your friend and you failed to notice that too. I wish I would have had the capacity to just tell you or your leader that I need dad's car back and that someone needs to harp airport. So Julian was Todd and I get off on that like a lot. Juliet was Todd's girl.

Alice was fucking spout when she was about for me with Taylor. Shutter making is where it's at to me. I hope I feel like this until I catch some shuteye. I want to beat Ocorana Of Time in Cara's apartment. Again, this blows. It's just that if it's generalized and if people fucking talk and get with it then I want some attention from someone. Like to actually talk to someone about what is going on would help me out a lot. I still don't understand much of this. Playing ellipsis machine over Sonny Moore would be crazy too. Is Nik crazy? Yeaaahhh. Terror shadows. The barrier between who I am and who I want to be. Note to self, I miss you terribly. This is what we call a tradgedy. Come back to, come back to me, to me. And i'm sick of this scene. I need a break from you tank. I can feel my mind wandering again. And to where I don't know. Will I ever get home. Two roads, split up from here. And my life goes running. Who I am and who I want to be. Hurts blood. I feel so close and yet i'm yet so far. Hurts blood. I feel so close, and yet i'm yet so far!

I miss BMW days. Like having cash, dressing fucking nice and having a cool watch and a grip of jewel. I liked my box of cds. That car was quick too. I outran a cop on accident. Nothing I would ever be capable of doing on purpose. Just a coincidence I guess. What I thought was a certainty. Has left me. Spinning in circles again. It seems to me that you're not happy. Like you used to be. And now there's more green eggs and you'll never ever go away. And now there's more green eggs and you'll never ever go away. Is buried by my rusty eye and I can't see. No I can't breathe.

So I wonder why my dad doesn't see that i'm someone that gets married. I would never choose to be single here. That's why this fucking sucks. Like, hard. Wish I could just jump back to my dimension change. Never and not even really something to think about. I wonder what shorts is up to. And I wonder how The Curry Campbell is. Tut and I discussed The Curry Campbell. This paper into fire. Into fire. Into this fire. Yeah! This paper, into fire. And throw me with it, just throw me with it. I wish I could go to the club. Last time I was there I almost spent $100. I wanna dance with a girl. I remember a girl that was my sister in cancer world gave me a beaded bracelet that said dance. I kept it for some time. I had it with me when I took off in dad's car. I wanted to see Tyler too. Cole said he smoked him out with some fire. What a meet that could have been. Weaving The Values.

Sailing alone around the room. With no direction to go. Sailing alone around the room. Sailing alone around the room! I am not sex here. And I guess I can get off some on that simple fact. I don't like that Lesley up and yelled at my ass. Not your fucking place bitch. Why'd you fucking apologize? You didn't bleed on my shirt fuck. I wouldn't have really slept with you unless it was Hallowed either. Anyway...I should have fought for sorry ass boyfriend Lesley.

My phone is rather close to dying. It's kind of a piece of shit. Like a picchan boy would say. I'm glad that that kid had my back like he did. Dunno. That really means a lot to me. And I guess I wish I had had the dimension to answer your question Ciara. It didn't work that way though and it's no reason to put someone off. Especially after what those people got at me with. Sorry, but that shit wouldn't have done anything. Too fucking evil. I guess you can choke on it. Or whatever. The whole friend bit with Nolan. I don't understand what that was. Like, cancer or something. Who knows what that was. I know I don't. With no direction to go. So keep me alive. So keep me alive.

I wonder what else there is. Cancer pyri and whatnot. I like my parking garage mask. And I liked gaining ounce with Kyle turned on by mask. I also like that Sam caught me a worm. And I really liked her kisses. I remember kissing you and stuff. And taking you into a garage with a car parked in it for us to have our way with eachother. I need out of all of this. That'd be fucking crazy. I wish my phone wasn't gay. I want a One. And fucking torrent. I need a Playstation Plus account so that I can COD myself. I miss Madi. I want to see you. You dig Halloween like I do. I wonder if we ate food together. Probably not. I doubt I ordered your ass a pizza. Wonder how I even got your number. I mean Cara wouldn't really have given it to me. I wonder if there was a squirtle in Cara's apartment. Like in 2D or something. And I wonder what Pokemon I would have chosen for my rearview mirror. I wish I knew. I mean if there was a Squirtle that's probably what I would have got. There wouldn't have been sunglasses though and this i'm sure of. I want a Pocket Monster card collection like Cole. He had decks to play the Pokemon Trading Card game with Cara. There's an astral of that and shit. There's another one of me proposing and of us getting married. It's weird that you would have only liked me half as much as all of the other girls until marraige. Kinda goes with your brat bit. And how you were into that shit. A remour. Like, cutting underneath heed is not something to do to me. It just doesn't make any sense. Like, at all. Kind of puts me up to what everyone else is doing. Bleeding here. I guess just one cut is what i'm into right now. I need a fucking COD habit. Like, a lot. Rather fucking badly. That's kind of a gash below my wrist. I'm kind of writing while bleeding. What kind of an asshole drives a lotus anyway? I used to call out at every Audi I ever saw a lotus. I remember those days. Comedown Machine sure has been out for a while. I'll be born again. Eli's on the phone. He cheats his clone. You'll never believe me until you're on your own.

I can dig that I picked up an ice habit. It really is something to do to me. I like it, just not a lot. I want my pyri shut down. This is stupid. I feel like if an egyptian were to time travel. Like just a joe or something. That they would get with everyone else and disregard my ass as their king and what not. Whatever. That's not really a cool thing to realize and such. Marci isn't around anymore. She took off. Scardy cat. Again, whatever. So it's cool that humans bring back dinosaurs. And it's strange how a meteor took them out when humans were about back then. It's kinda hard to believe that it was a meteor and such for some reason. It's also neat that i'm stamped with Gemini. It's cool that Emma would have noticed. And how it would have been something that doesn't exist yet with it still being tattooed on my wrist. Cara would have noticed the snake in my hair. I wish I still had my dreads. I liked that look. It seemed that there wasn't anything else to do with it. I guess i'll deal with just having long hair. Like in the picture that's in Cara's soul. Whatever. A head shave is also kinda below this bullshit. I don't know how I was supposed to meet Cara and Ezra like that. Or how I was to fucking part with my hair gone either. I have a pair of Oakley's from the last car that I stole. I kinda like them and stuff. They're a bit neat. I'm like off my icee but it's still a bit linger. That was like Curry and I's song. Linger, that is. Harlequin is such the place to miss. Like, a lot. It's cool that there's just a field, a plane, and a fold. And that that's what took me to airplane mode. I wish someone would have helped my ass out with that shit. Even before I was arrested. I mean, I needed a sun. I needed a way out of town. Even though I thought I was to marry Ciara already. Can't really believe that's what I was doing. Doesn't really make a terrible amount of sense. Backup plan unsuccess. Unfortunately. This blows some more. Yes, if you insist. Okay. A doorbell. Tonight. Might need a lawyer. Next up the oldies, where there's a forest, we don't belong. It's going to be strange being sex and finding out how I was born here. I'm sure it's not going to be that great for me. I mean, I get that i'm into loosing twice. And because i'm into it, I don't want my mind changing. So I hope it doesn't.

I wish I could play Partners In Crime with Island Girl. Maybe with my BMW instead of the Mazda. And maybe I could give her the first issue spidy com. Like, as a gift of sorts for us wanting to hold hands per deum. I love you Alice. If only we could have found dad's car together. And maybe we could have just married eachother instead of me playing Harlequin. Like, a Mustang with you and an apartment. That would be cool. I'd have a legal BMW to drive around too. If we could just fuck off in El Paso all the time. Like, going out to eat and maybe clubs. Or whatever else there is to do? Miniature golf? I would definitely be up for Partners In Crime Island Girl. And to me, we should have seen one another. You would have loved me Alice. Like, a lot and stuff. I mean, it's kind of crazy how much you and every other girl would have liked me. I like adore you girl.

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thesniffler · 8 years ago

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I ship you with Neville. He thinks you're the most beautiful girl in the world and hates that you don't see it yourself. He loves your temper. You'd love to sit by the fire together and read. Im a very tall straight Gryffindor/ Thunderbird girl. Im painfully shy but only at first. I love animals. I'm chubby and have bad skin, and don't like myself much. My fav Hogwarts activity would be being in the common room or roaming the castle. Could I have a first kiss with Fred please? Thank you! ❤

I love Neville so thank you for the amazing ship and reasons!

(Also, I know this isn’t the best and I’m sorry :( )

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It happened when you were roaming the castle, a light humming tune floating past your lips when suddenly… BAM!

A cold and sticky liquid began to run down your body from the top of your head, sinking quickly into your robes. A yelp peeled its way out of your throat as you attempted to throw your robe off only to realize that it was now stuck to your body by the strange goo that was pooling a purply red at your feet.

“Someone’s sprung the trap!” You heard a muffled and excited yell from down the corridor as you felt embarrassed tears pricking at your eyes. Oh god. You knew the sound of that voice. While in hindsight it didn’t surprise you too much when the twins popped around the corner, it didn’t stop your face from coloring a deep red and those tears starting their way down your face to be caught in such a situation,

The ginger headed boys stopped dead in their tracks. George sprang a hand up to his mouth, eyes going wide and Fred, he sent a rather murderous glare to his brother.

“You said the Slytherin’s would be getting out of Charms!”

“They are! It’s not like I expected anyone to be walking this corridor in the middle of lunch!”

A small, wet, hiccup broke through your tears as you tried to wipe your eyes, only smearing the gel even further which just continued to upset you. The sound seemed to stop the twin’s bickering immediately as they rushed forward. Fred was the first to draw his wand and whisper what you assumed to be a counter curse, the slime starting to slip off even quicker to join the growing puddle at your feet.

“We are so sorry Y/N, we thought… well.” George was doing some spell work behind you as Fred placed his hands on your shoulders, trying to search your face for any kind of lasting damage. He noted your tears and winced in pain. “Hurry up Georgie.”

Eventually, it seemed that all the prank was no longer clinging to your body, through your robes were still cold and wet and your hair was just as bad. At least you could move.

“Y/N…” You didn’t wait to hear anything more from Fred’s mouth as you pushed past him quickly and headed to the Gryffindor tower, willing yourself not to cry as you hurried up to the girl’s dorm to get a fresh pair of robes on and skip the rest of your classes.

Ginny had, of course, known something was up the moment she’d found you huddled in your sheets, pillow pulled over your head.

Once she’d gotten you to tell her what it was she became as fiery as her hair and stomped out of the room looking like she was going to flay someone alive.

She knew of your crush on her older brother and you felt a small wave of nausea over what she might do.

The next morning when you braved the common room you were surprised to find the twins talking on the couch, heads together, mumbling. Your foot made a small noise as you finished descending the stairway and Fred’s head snapped up, a smile tugging on the corner of his mouth. George looked up as well, his smile a little smaller but still cheerful as they got up simultaneously and came to stand at your sides.

“Good morning.” George said with the light tone he usually used.

“Headed to breakfast are you?” Fred asked, grabbing your books from your hands and tucking them under his arm.

You swallowed and rose a brow.

��Um… Yes?” It was said with a question, as though you weren’t quite sure.

George hummed and placed a gentle hand on your elbow, Fred doing the same but on your shoulder as they herded you towards the door.

You couldn’t say anything, frankly, you didn’t know what to say as they lead you to the great hall, chattering animatedly as you entered the room. Your eyes sought out Ginny and you sent her a very questioning look. Surprisingly, she looked just as confused as you, shrugged her shoulders and went back to eating.

You were plopped down between the boys who started to fill their plates, Fred, taking the time to pour you orange juice and setting up your plate as well, George trying to coax you into conversing about how potions class was going.

Your head was practically spinning by the time that Fred seemed to notice something was wrong and placed a hand on top of your, drawing your attention quite sharply.

You looked into his eyes and colored red. He looked concerned.

“You alright Y/N?”

You fought to not rip your hand away from his in embarrassed shyness.

“I’m just… rather confused you see… why… um… why?” Your eyes flicked the books placed by Fred’s side, the food they’d set out for you and the hand that was laid atop of yours.

Fred had that concerned look on his face again, the tops of his ears flushing red.

“We feel bad for yesterday,” George chimed in, drawing your attention. “We didn’t mean for you to get caught up in the prank, so to apologize we’re gonna do stuff for you today, to make up for it.” Your cheeks dashed with a pink hue.

You tentatively moved your hand from under Fred, though you really didn’t want to.

“Oh… Alright.” You supposed that even if you did try to tell them not to they wouldn’t do much in the way of listening to you.

Your answer seemed to appease George and Fred also smiled though a little more closed off then his brothers as he pulled his hand back to his side of the table.

You tried to keep up with their conversation but ultimately you had more fun listening to them as you usually did.

They did this through the rest of your day, Fred taking your book and George walking along beside you as they escorted you to classes. By the time that your last class arrived and ended you were actually dreading the end of the day.

Once you left Muggle Studies you were surprised that it was only Fred waiting for you. You colored in the face, not used to just being alone with him. He took your books as usual though and looped his arm with yours.

“Where, um, where’s George?” Your eyes were kept forward as you fiddled with the sleeves of your robes.

“Went to save us seats in the great hall.” You nodded and the two of you walked along in comfortable silence before Fred broke it again.

“So… Ginny tore us a new one last night.” You almost stopped in your tracks, completely forgetting that your friend had talked to her brothers. You swallowed.

“What… What did she say?”

An almost fond smile slipped onto the pranksters face and you colored again before your eyes slipped to the stone floor of the castle.

“Yelled at us being reckless, that we couldn’t have picked a worse person to prank, we tried explaining that you weren’t our target, she said something about liking me, hit us both for good measure, I actually thought she might hex us.” A hesitant chuckle floated from his lips but you’d already stopped dead in your tracks. Face slowly working it’s way to crimson, your arms circling around your middle at the sudden sick feeling.

Ginny told. She’s let it slip. She’d told Fred you liked him. She. Oh Merlin.

Fred seemed to realize with a start that you had stopped walking along side him. He turned on his heel and when met with your obvious distress he too started to panic a bit.

“Hey. No. Please don’t. It’s fine. She. Oh. Hell.” Fred quickly placed your books on the ground and crouched low to level his eyes with yours, finger going under your chin to lift your head slightly.

You were caught up in his gaze and noted that he looked more serious than you’d ever seen the joker look before.

Without an ounce of hesitation, he swooped down quickly and place his lips against yours.

It was quick, a little off balanced as you hadn’t been expecting it and just on the side of dry due to Fred’s chapped lips.

Regardless of the length that the kiss lasted, it was soft, a hurried brush that set your skin tingling. It was wonderful.

Fred pulled away from your face.

“I. Um. Yeah. George will probably be wondering where we are.”

He gathered you books up again, your voice was still locked in stunned silence as he slipped his hand in yours and tugged you towards the great hall. You could barely feel the smile that stretched over your face.

Ships for Kisses - Situation Aesthetics

#ships for kisses #fred weasley #sniffleshipsforkisses

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