#audrey tindall & shelby miller

[dreamypqulson]

— and i know we got some potential, cause that look you gave me was so gentle

summary: cordelia tutors you when you fall behind in your herbal class unbeknownst to her that the reason your so lost is because you can't take your mind off of her.

pairing: cordelia goode x reader

word count: 1200

a/n: i know i haven’t posted in awhile and i have requests that i have to write but this was just a little scrap that i’m deciding to post so nobody forgets about me! :)

It was awful, really. And you felt bad for it. For wasting her time. This is not going to help. If you needed some extra help in your herbal class, then you need assistance from Zoe, or Queenie, or Myrtle, someone who is not this woman.

It was comical, and you almost laughed right in her face when she ask you if you wanted her to tutor you later in the evening. You didn't need help. You were a smart and powerful which. You just needed her out of you head. There was too much of her to even pay attention to the task at hand.

And it hurt too. There was no denying that. With the many obvious signs that she was helplessly in love with you, you ignored them all. She's the supreme for god sakes. She was so close yet felt so out of your reach.

You were just wasting time in this goddamn greenhouse. Every minute with her counts, but right now, you were just staring straight at the wall behind her, daydreaming of what you could be doing instead. What— no, who you could be kissing and showing you truth to.

You hear her snapping and it pulls you out of your deep trances. It's honey brown eyes and hair golden in the moonlight that's shining through the roof window that you notice first. "Are you even listening?" She doesn't sound annoyed, but she's clearly had enough of this. All this. What even is this?

"I'm sorry, Miss Cordelia. I am, I just—"

"You don't have to call me that, ya know." It hurts too much to not call you it. If you call her Cordelia then it seems to real. She's not your mentor, not your supreme, she's Cordelia. And so you stand behind that Miss Cordelia barrier that you build. The one that Cordelia tries so hard to break down.

"I know." As you stare into her eyes so warm that you feel as though your melting, as they soften as they stare back at you, she cups you heated cheeks. You know that she feels how hot they are, you know that she knows what is going on with you, but still, she asks,

"What's really going on? You're one of my strongest witches, sweetie."

You truly want to tell her that she's so distracting because you've unwillingly fell in love with her. Because, then, maybe you'll be able to pay better attention in class. But instead you tell her, "I just haven't been sleeping right," sugarcoating your love for her and letting it melt in your mouth.

It's not a complete lie; because you cannot sleep when she walks by your room to assure that you are safe in bed. You cannot sleep when you've see her only an hour before your rest in a simple pajama slip. Milky silk and see-through if it were any thinner.

"We should make you a sleeping potion then." She knows your lying, but she is not going to force you to be honest. That's not what she is here for. She just wants you to be ready. She would wait forever for you to tell her how you feel.

And then she's gathering the ingredients. Patting around the greenhouse as soft as a spring day, and you have to look to see if she is even walking. Look to see that she's not flying around instead of walking like an angel that you could mistake her to be.

She stands behind you and her arms are locking you in between the table and her body. She's wearing a nightgown like every other night and you can feel her breasts press against your back. Your breath hitches and you think she notices because she asks if you're okay. You nod, because you cannot speak, you cannot do anything besides stand there as if you were built with cement.

Her blonde hair falls against your shoulder and you get a strong whiff of her lavender shampoo. She smells so sweet and you feel like you are being embraced by a fresh pastry.

"Do you remember one of the key ingredients for our sleeping potion?" She tests you, because she knows that the day she taught this, her shirt seemed to be just a little shorter cut than usual. She knows you weren't paying attention to sleep and potions and herbs that day.

"Um...," you feel so pathetic for not knowing. So useless. "No, not really."

She smiles still. You can hear it in her voice, "That's just alright. Chamomile is one of the main ingredients." She speaks softly and begins grinding the chamomile into the mixture. Her freckled arms rub against yours with each movement. Bare skin against bare, and you yearn for more.

These emotions are too strong for your body to handle. They cannot fit as you are too much already filled with Cordelia. You are going to explode if you don't let it out somehow. And so you stand there and permit silent tears to roll down your face.

You assume that Cordelia won't notice, but a warm tear ends up landing on her hand and she cannot stand there and pretend that it didn't happen. She doesn't want to make you uncomfortable, but the only way she knows to make everything better is to be upfront and loving.

She grabs your waist, gently, and turns your body so your facing her now. It's so close; you can feel her soft breath against your face and her legs are practically intertwined with yours. "I don't want you to lie to me anymore," she doesn't sound angry still, just so desperate. And you know you look a mess right now but she thinks you're so pretty.

"I don't think I know how to not do that," more tears fall down. You are so afraid because you know that it's too far this time. There is no going back to what you once were with Cordelia just an hour before this.

"Show me?"

Your trembling hands cup her cheeks this time, smooth beneath your palm. You don't want to pull her forward, you need her to show you that she isn't the supreme right now. You always need her.

"It's okay," she merely whispers, nods, and smiles softly. And you forget about you fears, about the sugarcoated emotions on your tongue. You lean forward and everything's so fuzzy and blurry around you; like a fever dream, but it's oh so real.

She moans into your mouth. She sounds so pretty against you. It's the perfect combination of her vanilla chapstick and your strawberry one to create the sweetest taste.

Her hands are still on your waist and she pulls back, but only her lips so she can rest her forehead against yours. "Not so scary, right?"

"Well i'm scared that I just fucked everything up."

She shakes her head and smiles delicately at you. "You didn't fuck anything up. I would've been out the door by now." Your laugh and hers are a soft melody that echo against the four walls of the greenhouse. She grabs your hands and tangles her slim fingers with yours. "I. love. you."

"Promise me that it's what you want." You still can't believe it. But you can't have it if it's not real.

"It's what I always wanted. What I wanted when I met you. What I want, still, now."

"Then you should know that I always wanted it. I love you too. So much."

taglist: @loverofallthingssarah @goodeday2u @lanawinters-ily @strawberryshorttcakkee @sapphicforsarahh @ahsfan05 @stayevildarling @isle-of-earle @cordithatgurl @mistysswampmud @billiedeansbitch @billiedeanspearls @cigaretteology @favoriteredhead @lovingsarah @cordeliass @citizenoftheworld-stuff-blog @multi-royalty-main

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[betchiwilleatyou]

YIPPEEEEEEEEE

[lotties-ashwagandha]

HONEY, HONEY

pairing: audrey tindall x reader

word count: 1622

notes and warnings: in honor of valentine’s day here’s whatever this is,, this is very vaguely inspired by the song ‘honey honey’ by abba,, i don’t think there’s any warnings (maybe alcohol use and getting a little tipsy/drunk)!!

synopsis: in which you and audrey pretend to be partners to get the restaurant’s valentine’s day discount — yet after dinner you find out who she is, a television star with no need for any sort of discount.

HONEY, HONEY:

The lights glistened above, the presence of light known to you, yet everywhere you looked was shrouded in darkness.

The quiet chatter of every table in the restaurant had accumulated into one insurmountable roar, seemingly collective, questioning your presence alone in such a place of solidarity. Yet though you felt a thousand eyes on your back, every head was turned away from you. Every conversation excluded you entirely.

You weren't sure anymore why you'd thought this would be such a great idea — going out to dinner on Valentine's Day, you assumed it would be a sort of escape from the whole holiday. It had always angered you, even when you had a partner, the whole prospect of corporations using their influence to create such a horrid holiday for their own gain. Going out to dinner had seemed, in the ease of planning, to be a much better option than drinking away your loneliness and irritation in your house and seeing where a night such as that would take you. Nowhere good, as you knew.

Control was inflicted upon you in public on such a horrid day. You knew you had to be sober enough, alert enough, content enough to get home at the end of the night, by which time you would want nothing more than your pillow and a long rest, and when you went to work the next day it would all be over and gone.

Yet now, with all of this jollification surrounding you and your loneliness filling what meager space you still had left to yourself in the crowded restaurant, you couldn’t believe how utterly stupid you had been.

Your eyes began to scan the room, a silent search for your waiter, for you wished to claim the check.

“Ah, there you are darling, I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

You looked up, confusion filling you as you watched the woman before you sink into the seat at the opposite end of the table. The woman held a mischievous spark in her eyes – everything she glanced at seemed to glow as if being touched by the sun for the very first time.

She winked, glancing around before continuing to speak. Her voice had quieted as if the two of you were sharing a secret. “There’s a couple’s discount for Valentine’s Day. I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind having dinner with me, we could split the check. 50% off, can you believe it?”

“Wait, wait, who are you? Do I know you?” You asked, though you knew quite well that you would remember such a divine woman if you had met her before. “Sorry, maybe it’s the drink, but I’m a bit confused…”

The blonde before you looked around again, and you couldn’t tell if it was excitement or disappointment that had a larger hold on her features. Finally, her eyes settled on you. “You don’t know who I am?”

“Should I?”

She paused for a moment before deciding. “No, I suppose not…”

“What’s your name?”

“Audrey Tindall,” she grinned at the sound of her own name.

“I’m Y/N.”

She smiled, a smile that felt dangerous, as if you were somehow deliberately breaking some unsaid rule. Maybe it was the fake-couple nonsense she had proposed to get the discount, but something about her felt spontaneous and lively and gravitational. “So then, Y/N, will you be my partner? Just for dinner?”

You hesitated – you saw in this a double-edged sword. A fear of being too spontaneous, too forward, jumping into something that had happened upon you in an instant. The way she kept glancing around the restaurant every few moments as if she had something to hide didn’t help either.

So it was very surprising, very riveting and uncharacteristic when you felt yourself agreeing to her unstated terms. The “Sure, why not?” that had escaped your lips did not sound like your own voice, did not feel like your own words. It felt as if an outside force were controlling you completely – a character in a movie, a doll, completely helpless when it came to your own mind.

“Good evening,” the waiter had approached, a young, lanky man with hair pulled back into a small bun at the back of his head and a beard that reached the start of his black apron. “What can I get started for the two of you?”

You waited for her to order first, watching her well-postured mannerisms and the way she continued to illuminate the room with a light so stifling that you were sure the restaurant would be blown to pieces in the force of her sanctity. She glowed so immensely, so effortlessly, her whole being composed of a vivacity unmatched by that of anyone you’d ever met.

“Y/N? Did you hear me?”

At her voice you jumped, meeting her eyes once more. “Sorry?”

“I asked if you would split a cabernet with me,” she laughed, fidgeting briefly with a piece of her short blonde hair.

“Of course,” you could feel your face going red, embarrassed that you had let yourself drift off into such a trance over someone you had met only ten minutes ago.

She grabbed your hand as the waiter nodded and asked if you required anything else. A trick to sell the act, you knew, yet her hand over yours, the spark still in her eyes, the way everything became louder and brighter was so real that your newness to one another seemed like a lie.

The waiter was gone. You wished to make conversation with her, and you could tell from her expression that she wished the same, yet neither of you quite knew where to start or what to say.

“What do you do? For work?” She asked, and you saw the slightest bit of insecurity bleed through the facade she had kept up until now.

“This and that,” you answered. You loathed your job, an assistant for the most detestable woman at Kineros Robotics. You wished to escape from even thinking of the place on this night, such a night that had taken a most surprising turn. It was like the briefest mention of Kineros Robotics would send this fantasy world that had happened upon you crumbling to the ground. “What about you? What do you do?”

Audrey had regained her confidence, echoing you. “This and that.”

You grinned. In a strange way, you were grateful for the anonymity the two of you shared and the way it had quickly blossomed into a night so wonderful.

The waiter returned with your wine, pouring you each a glass before taking his leave.

“To us,” she raised her glass.

“Yes, here’s to our seventh anniversary,” you joked, and her laugh was so light, so endearing, so effervescent.

So quickly had the night changed.

So quickly had the light shone in the darkness, how quickly had the day broken through an eternal night.

–

You blundered out of the restaurant, your arms locked. Laughter bubbled up in your chest, spilling out of you as the two of you attempted to make your way along the sidewalk. Night had fallen completely, and two bottles of wine had been emptied between the two of you, the night beginning to drift into a sort of hazy, slow-motion state.

She leaned into you, laughing at something you couldn’t remember being so hilarious. You slipped a hand around her waist. It felt natural, how quickly the two of you had connected – the restaurant kept getting further behind, and the act was free to be over, and yet somehow the two of you were still together.

Your phone dinged from your pocket. You clumsily retrieved it, opening the message you’d been sent by one of your friends: a trailer for some show they’d been watching.

You had not meant to open the link, but your share of the two bottles had gone into full effect and soon the trailer filled your screen.

Audrey paused. She slowly looked over your shoulder, and had she been any more tipsy she would have snatched the phone right out of your hands.

Speechless, you put your phone away.

For there she had been. Right on the screen, there she had been.

“You could’ve mentioned being a fucking TV star,” you said quietly, beginning to walk on and distancing yourself from her.

“No, no, wait!” she shouted, racing to catch up with you. “I didn’t really lie about anything, you know, I just didn’t want–”

“Why did you do this? Why are we doing this? You didn’t need a fucking discount, Audrey!”

She did not respond for a moment, chewing her bottom lip, looking from here to there to behind her and back again.

You were about to keep walking when she stopped you, capturing your lips with hers for the briefest of moments. Yet time seemed to pause – you were overcome by an electric thrill at her touch, an irrepressible jubilation.

A quiet moment passed after the kiss, in which she looked into your eyes, attempting to read your mind before continuing. “That’s why.”

You nodded, attempting to hold a serious expression. But your smile won, it conquered the brief irritation, and you were right back to the glee you’d been feeling all night.

“Do you want to try this all again sometime, but go back seven years?” She laughed as she referenced your earlier joke of a seven-year anniversary.

“I would love to.”

And you continued walking, your arms linked once more.

And maybe in seven years you would be back at the restaurant, referencing this night with cabernet and sweet nothings, celebrating this night that had been so randomly elected as the start of your futures.

[itsthenovelteafactor]

AHS Roanoke + The Onion

Asylum, Freak Show, Hotel

[grilledcheeseandguavajelly]

[minaslittleone]

Analysts: INTJ (Architect); INTP (Logician); ENTJ (Commander); ENTP (Debater)

Diplomats: INFJ (Advocate); INFP (Mediator); ENFJ (Protagonist); ENFP (Campaigner)

Sentinels: ISTJ (Logistician); ISFJ (Defender); ESTJ (Executive); ESFJ (Consul)

Explorers: ISTP (Virtuoso); ISFP (Adventurer); ESTP (Entrepreneur); ESFP (Entertainer)

Find your personality type here:

All gifs belong to these talented people so please check them out @thatsmypeach @rosalie-starfall @ahs-gifs @fionagoddess @supremeladypaulson @oceanssapart

I got: INFJ - The Advocate - Cordelia Goode

Advocates are the rarest personality types of all. Still, Advocates leave their mark on the world. They have a deep sense of idealism and integrity, but they aren’t idle dreamers – they take concrete steps to realize their goals and make a lasting impact. They tend to approach life with deep thoughtfulness and imagination. Their inner vision, personal values, and a quiet, principled version of humanism guide them in all things.

I'm tagging: @lucyintheskywithxanax @lovelypeasantjellyfish @stayeviildarling @ka-s @lilypadscoven @honeyvenable @angelxsarahp @coconutlipss @vintagepaulson @pearplate

[thatsmypeach]

I loved this sweater.

[imagines-ahs]

Hi I don’t know if anyone still cares but there’ll be an update on Affection dropping soon 💜

[mwf-art]

Whenever her anxiety gets to be too much, Shelby always enjoys doing some yoga to calm herself down.

(Ig: mwf.art)

[klvgers]

a roanoke nightmare

pairing: shelby miller x audrey tindall

summary: audrey helps her girlfriend through her breakdown.

word count: 1.2k

warnings: hurt/comfort, shelby has a panic attack, but there’s some fluff at the end <3

shelby thought that tonight was going to be a normal night. she definitely thought wrong. instead she was curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor, trembling with tears streaming down her face. she had had another miserable panic attack and resorted to the bathroom, closing herself in and crying so hard that she almost made herself sick.

she wanted to call audrey but she didn’t want to be a bother. it was 2 am, she didn’t think audrey would be awake. but shelby’s heartbeat slowed down when she heard the soft british voice on the other side of the phone.

“hi, darling. are you alright? it’s a little late to be ringing me, do you think?” audrey teased, making shelby close her eyes and suck in a deep breath. “i know, but i just really need you right now. you don’t have to come if you don’t want to, i’m just being a. baby-” shelby rambled, her voice croaky and quaky.

“i’m on my way, shelby.” was all audrey said. shelby could hear audrey open her closet and something jingling in the background. she guessed it was her keys. “i love you. i’ll be quick, okay?” shelby nodded, then mentally facepalmed knowing audrey couldn’t see her. “yeah.” she breathed, her vision getting blurry with tears once again. shelby hung up the phone, sliding the device across the tiled floor.

the wait until audrey got there was dreadful. she heard voices of matt in her head, saying that she was plainly stupid for going back to that house. she lets out a loud sob, banging her head against the floor a couple of times. “i’m such a fucking idiot.” she whispered to herself, covering her face with her hands.

***

“baby!” audrey opened and closed shelby’s front door, taking off her shoes and running around the apartment, looking for her girlfriend. “shelby, where are you, honey?” the older woman started panicking. she had thought she checked every room in the apartment. until she saw a light that led to the bathroom. she followed it and softly knocked on the door.

“shelby, sweetheart. can i come in?” audrey didn’t hear an answer, so she turned the doorknob, finding out it was unlocked. “baby, i’m going to come in now, okay?” audrey didn’t hear an answer again, so she just went for it.

audrey opened the door and saw her sweet girl looking absolutely pitiful on this bathroom floor. “hey, sweetheart. shhh. you’re okay. there’s nothing here to hurt you darling.” audrey got on her knees, going to rub shelby’s back but instead, shelby flinched and let out a choked sob.

the actress heart ached for the scared little thing. “sweetheart, hey. i was only going to rub your back baby.” audrey reassured, but the younger blonde shook her head, working herself back up again. her face turned beat red as the tears ran down her face for the hundredth time this hour. “oh, sweet girl, shhh.” audrey didn’t know what do. her heart was breaking for shelby.

“can i hold you, angel? hmm?” audrey rubbed shelby’s leg up and down, making the girl flinch slightly but not as hard as last time. the younger blonde nodded and climbed in the british woman’s lap, sniffling and mumbling incoherent words. “that’s it, let’s calm down your breathing yeah?” audrey suggested and shelby tensed up again, squirming in her girlfriend’s lap. audrey shushed her and put her hand over shelby’s heart, patting occasionally.

this made the younger blonde stop hyperventilating and her heartbeat almost go back to normal. all this time shelby was looking straight into audrey’s eyes, she was her only rock right now. “can you hear me, darling? i’m right here.” the actress smoothed the other blondes hair back and kissed her nose. shelby let out a shaky mumble before stumbling out actual words.

“i- i’m- i’m sorry.” audrey’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, wiping at shelby’s eyes. “you have nothing to be sorry for, sweet girl.” shelby nodded and audrey fired back. “no you don’t, honey. none of this is your fault.” shelby sighed, breathing in shaky breaths. she had the worst headache of her life right now.

“i bet you’re sick of me. i bet you never wished you met me. i bet you’re tired of my panic attacks. that’s why matt left me.” shelby ranted, making audrey tear up. “shelby, are you serious? i love you so much. i could never get sick of you. meeting you was the best day of my life. i wish i could relive it. you are one of the best things that has ever happened to me. i would never leave you, honey. you need someone to hold you and make you feel better, and that someone is me. i love you more that words can describe, shelby.” audrey finished, wiping a tear that fell from her eye.

“i love you too, audrey.” shelby whispered. she shivered and cuddles into audrey more, burying her face into her chest. “let’s go to bed, yeah?” the actress proposed, making the younger girl nod. audrey helped shelby stand up and then got up herself. “are you thirsty or hungry, honey? do you want me to make you something?” the british woman asked. “could you make a peanut butter jelly sandwich? i mean it’s okay if you don’t wan-”

“oh hush, come on love.” audrey grabbed shelby’s hand, leading her to the kitchen. audrey pulled out a chair and let her girlfriend sit. she kissed her head before pulling out the tool and items for the meal. once audrey was done, she grabbed shelby’s hand again and held the plate in her other hand and brought it to the bedroom.

“i got you some milk too, darling.” she put it on the bedside table and scooted the sandwich over to shelby. it was with no crust, just how she liked it. the side of shelby’s mouth lifted in a smirk, patches of blush spreading across her cheeks. she picked up one triangular slice, and gently put it in her mouth. audrey rubbed her knee, watching her eat and drink. “yummy?” she asked, and the younger girl nodded. “slow down, baby.” audrey warned softly when she saw shelby eating a little too fast.

shelby looked down, embarrassesd, and tried to eat more calmly. “done?” the actress asked and shelby nodded once more. “here, lay down and i’ll put these dishes away alright? will you be okay right here?” shelby nodded once again, getting under the blankets. “i'll be two seconds, baby.” audrey kissed shelby, this time on the lips and disappered down the hall.

just as the older blonde promised, it had felt like to second had passed and she was already back. shelby sighed in relief when audrey pulled her on top of her, her head resting on audrey's chest. “i love you so so much, shelby. don't forget it.” audrey kissed the top of her head. “i love you too audrey, so much.” shelby wrapped her arms around audrey tighter, sleep making her breathing even out. audrey smiled to herself when she saw the blonde sleeping peacefully. she closed her eyes, letting sleep take over her as well.

[dreamypqulson]

— my only sunshine

summary: you’ve been struggling in silence but it hasn’t gone unnoticed.

pairing: cordelia goode x reader

warnings: depression, anxiety, self-harm (pretty detailed, be careful)

word count: 2700

venting again lol

Your leg shaking up and down was becoming excessive. You could see the girls next to you becoming annoyed, but you hardly realized that you were doing it. Tears pooled in your eyes and it burned so badly to hold them in. Why does Cordelia have to look at me so much? Why can't she just glance over me like everyone else and let me wallow away in the corner?

Everyone knew that you were Cordelia's special girl. You didn't think it had anything to do with your powers, she just liked you. And you liked her. But that was it; you were both too afraid to acknowledge it. What she wasn’t aware of was your history with mental health, which you tried so hard to conceal from her.

You don't think you were doing a very good job hiding it this time. How could you hide the fact that you don't want to live anymore?

Everyone knew you looked terrible lately. Madison had even pointed it out. Your eyes were dark, and hollow, and you just didn't look like yourself. Madison said you were just a freak that was too caught up in your studies to barely allow yourself some time to sleep, but Cordelia knew that wasn't true. Matter of fact, it was the complete opposite.

Cordelia dismissed yet another class that had completely gone through one ear and out the other. Spacing out is the one time that you actually feel safe and you so happen to be the best at it during class.

Everyone rushed out. You were a little slower because you were so exhausted and picking up your books felt like you were ripping open the cuts on your wrist. You thought you could feel like blood dripping down, but it might've just been your anxiety freaking you out.

"Oh, y/n, could you stay for a minute, love," Cordelia asked when you were by the doorway, ever so sweet but you still bit the inside of your mouth until you could taste blood.

You spun slowly on your heels. You loved Cordelia but you didn't want to stay. You were terrified of confrontation and you just wanted to throw yourself into your bed again.

You didn't respond and kept a great distance between you and Cordelia. She was so warm, she was your comfort, and you ached to have her hold you, but you just wanted the darkness right now.

She still walked closer towards you and you almost started to cry from the nerves. You started scratching at your band-aid covered wrists. You don't know why you do that when your nervous, it just feels good in the moment.

She looked down at your arms, then back up at you. Does she know? Did your sleeve rise when you went to reach for something? "Relax, honey. You're not in trouble. I just want to check on you."

"I'm fine," it came out weak.

She raised an eyebrow at you and gave you that look. Anyone could tell that you weren't okay, it was just a matter of who would be there for you when you fall apart.

Your bottom lip started to tremble. A clear indication that you were ready to break down. Cordelia just watched, letting you control yourself before she made you explode completely.

"How about we take a walk outside, around the house, and get some fresh air, yeah?" You nodded and you were suddenly following her out the door. Anything someone says to you hasn't really been processing in your head. You truly just feel like a leaf being blown in every direction.

It was nice out, slightly chilly with a breeze, but it did not seem to snap you from your state of mind. It was quiet for a minute before Cordelia began talking to you again. You knew she was trying to distract you from your thoughts, but it's not really want you want right now.

"So what have you been up to, missy? Are you still writing?" She looked over at you, gently smiling. She loved reading all of your work, but it had been a few weeks since she had. She's been a little bit busy and you've been locking yourself in your room.

"Yeah, a little bit, I guess." It was a complete lie, but your didn't feel like getting into the fact that you could hardly bring yourself to even get out of bed, let alone write.

She wanted to have a full conversation with you, but you weren't having it. She just became silent as you both finished the walk around the building. She always takes you to walk around the city with her, but she had an inkling that you weren't going to want to leave the property.

Cordelia didn't want to let you go yet. She had a bad feeling and she knew something just wasn't right with you. She felt uneasy. But she couldn't hold you back when you told her you had to go study. You would never pass up hanging out with Cordelia to study, and she knew that, but she just let you go.

When you got to your room, it was all messy. Had you had the energy to keep it as tidy as you always did then maybe your anger levels wouldn't have increased when you walked in. You decided to ignore it and step over the pile of clothes and make your way into the bathroom.

There, you dug through your drawer, looking for the blade that you kept hidden in the back. It was the one place that nobody could accidentally stumble upon it.

You sat down on the closed toilet lid and pulled up your left sleeve. Ripping off the bandaids had not even hurt as much as they should, you didn’t even flinch. You began cutting any free skin on your inner arms that you could. You hated that there wasn't that much room anymore due to all the other cuts, but you just couldn't seem to stop.

Sometimes it made you feel crazy but it mostly made you get some release. You knew you should at least try to stop with summer approaching but getting clean is never your top priority in the moment. Not when your arms start aching for more.

You just sit there with a blank face and watch as drops of blood start pooling at the thin lines and then you start dabbing it away with a tissue and apply some pressure.

Your heart absolutely drops when you hear a knock on your bathroom door. You weren’t expecting a visitor at your room, but living in this busy house, you never really get alone time.

"Y/n, it's me darling. Dinners ready." How could you have been so in your head that you lost track of time. You hardly even had an appetite but you knew that Cordelia was already having suspicions about you. You just had to act like everything was alright.

"Okay I'll be right down." Instead of wrapping your arm up, you simply just ran it under water for a moment and then pulled your sleeve down. It definitely stung, but you were starting to enjoy it.

When you walked out of the bathroom, Cordelia was waiting on your bed for you. You were expecting her to already be downstairs with the other girls, but she clearly had other plans.

"You're always neat, sweetie. What's going on with you?" You shrugged again, and soon, you thought, she's going to forget what your voice even sounds like. You began to walk out your room, and you can hear her shuffling behind you before she finally catches up. "Not in the mood to talk today?"

You'd rather Cordelia just hold you and whisper sweet nothings in your ear without expecting an answer. But at the moment, she's completely worried and just wants you to open up. "Not really, Cordelia."

She lets you slide again, but she can't take her eyes off of you all throughout dinner. She's sitting at the head of the table and you're at the first seat next to her. When you reach for your plate, she notices something that she wishes she didn't. She wishes it wasn't even there.

Your sleeve slides up, only slightly, and she can see smeared crimson on your wrist. Her heart sink and she has to swallow down the lump in her throat. After that, she cannot even look at you, or anyone for that matter, for the rest of dinner. She wasn't angry or embarrassed of you. Just so, so upset over the fact that her girl was hurting so badly.

Dinner finishes fairly fast. You notice there's not much chatter, and it must be from Cordelia's lack of interest in any of the conversation. You start worry that you hurt her feelings. She's always catching up with you and the girls - mostly you - during dinner, but today she hadn't even said a word.

"Y/n, meet me in my room please," Cordelia says, and it sounds almost cold compared to her typical soft voice. She walks away and heads towards her bedroom and your heart completely sinks. You fidget with the hem of your shirt and make way towards her room.

The door is ajar and by the time you're there, Cordelia is sitting on her bed in tears. This is it; she's going to kick you out.

"Cordelia?" You say and gather her attention back to you. She quickly wipes away her tears like you weren't supposed to see that, but there's no hiding her red, puffy eyes.

"Sit down please," she hardly looks you in the eyes. It's terrifying.

"I—" you attempt to argue. She has no part in that.

"Just sit down, y/n."

You sit beside her and it's so close that you bunch up your sleeve in your hand. You're consistently terrified of it rising. "Show me your arm."

"What—"

"Show me, y/n. I know what's going on. I know that you are hurting yourself."

You hug your arm closer to your body and can feel the sting like it's mocking you. Tears are instantly sprung to your eyes and it's clear that this situation isn't just a big misunderstanding.

"No! Leave me alone, Cordelia. What is wrong with you? Why would I ever do that." But you do do it and those words hurt so much. You wouldn't ever be so harsh to Cordelia, but you're not in the right mental state right now.

Cordelia's crying again and all you can think about is cutting up your arm for making her feel like that. You need to hurt yourself to pay for the faults you're causing and Cordelia can see right through that.

Her voice is very quiet and desperate as she speaks, "Baby, please. Please let me help you, I can't just pretend that it's not going on. I care about you too much."

This completely causes you to break down. You never had someone truly care about you. This is something that you've been yearning for forever.

You melt into Cordelia's body and she hugs you tightly, as if she let go, all of the pieces of you would just shatter everywhere. You can feel her tears start leaking through onto your shirt and you know she feels it too. "Please, y/n," she whispers, "I love you. Let me in, it's just me, it's only Cordelia."

You finally pull back and wipe away your tears. It doesn't stop another fresh batch of warm tears to roll down your face. You don't want to keep hiding this anymore. You need help. You need someone. You need her.

You take a deep breath and tug up your sleeve. You can't even bare to look at her face. Ashamed, and embarrassed, and scared. But you hear a sharp intake of breath from her. The bleeding from the cuts before dinner only made it look far worse on your fucked up skin.

"Oh, my baby," she sniffles and grabs your arm, gently. Your heart is too heavy. She's trying so hard to be strong for you. "Why," she looks up at you with watery eyes, waiting for an honest answer.

"Everything's just too much, Delia. I don't want to be me anymore. I hate being me, I hate living!" You started sobbing again and the crack in your voice doesn't go unnoticed. This is new and weird and you don't like it. You don't want to talk about yourself anymore. You can see her heart breaking in half from your words.

"My little sunshine...do you know I love you? I love the person that you say you hate so much." You don't have anything to say to that. Cordelia loves you. And you don't know how, but she does. You don't know how this whole could have any room for the broken half of you. “I couldn’t live without seeing your pretty smile and listening to you ramble to me about all the little things you love. So if you hate living so much, then let me love it for the both of us until you learn to.”

It’s silent for a couple moments that pass by until she looks back down at your arm again. It's a bloody mess and you don't want her to look anymore but she's still holding on. "Can I clean it? Can I do that for you?"

You nod and then you're being walked to her bathroom. It's bigger than yours and the entire room smells like her lavender shampoo that you always love taking in when she hugs you. She helps you to sit up on the counter. Your arm feels heavy from all the attention being on it but she so carefully cleans away the blood and it makes you feel a little bit better.

She covers it with bandaids. Not because she is disgusted by it. She's not at all. She just doesn't want anything infecting the fresh ones.

When she’s done, she lifts your arm up to her lips and, so delicately, kisses the covered cuts. A few tears start rolling down your face again. You’re too emotional for this. “Delia…”

“I love you,” she looks back up to you. Her words are so clear and genuine. “Come to me. I don’t care where we are or what time it is. Come to me whenever you feel like this.” You nod, your bottom lip trembling. She reaches her hand up and brushes her thumb over your lips. “It’s not going to be easy but i’m going to help you. We can make a plan and safe alternatives, anything that’ll help.”

She leans in and kisses your forehead, slow and light and your heart beats a little bit faster. “I love you too, Cordelia,” you croak out and she gives you that little smile.

“Come on, my little sunshine, let’s get some rest, hm?” She grabs your hand and brings you to her own bed. You’ve never slept with Cordelia before but it all feels natural. You lay your head on her chest and her arms wrap around your body. For once, you feel a sliver of happiness that you’ve been deprived of for so long.

The room is silent besides her soft breaths and the sound of cars rushing by. You finally break that silence after a few minutes.

“Delia?”

“Hm?” She peaks down a you and a small smile is present on her face again.

“Why do you always call me your little sunshine?” You say it with a slight giggle in your voice. You love all the nicknames she has for you, but this one stands out and makes your heart warm.

“Because, sweetie, I was in a very similar situation as you. But then you came into my life and suddenly there was light again.”

You looked up at her and bite your lip. You could’ve never imagined a woman like her feeling as terrible as you do. She’s too…perfect. But maybe, suddenly, you won’t feel so ashamed of your emotions anymore. You lean forward and place your sweet lips on hers. Just for a moment, for the first time in your life, you see a bit of sunlight shine through the cracks of your eyelids.

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[cordeliass]

@ all sarah paulson characters: respectfully,,, rail me

[mistydear]

decided for the next few days in isolation i'll be taking requests before i get busy again. currently writing for all sp ahs characters excluding bette and dot and including harriet hayes because i'm watching studio 60 right now and loving it lol <3

[mulherviado]

Shelby Miller in American Horror Story: ROANOKE icons

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[jagr15]

[klvgers]

audrey: talk dirty to me ;)

shelby: i’m not wearing any underwear because you never put the laundry in the dryer like i’ve asked you 100 fucking times