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lorillee · 3 months ago

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3jima + kiryu mahjong hcs

i saw a piece of fanart of them playing mahjong once and its haunted my waking thoughts ever since because i cannot find it again for the life of me. So heres 1.5k about 3jima + kiryu mahjong nights

see i was originally going to think about strategy and whatnot and then i was like wait nevermind half of the people at this table cant read other people for the life of them

majima however is more situational in the sense that when he puts some effort into he goes pretty far but in the context of mahjong really i dont think he thinks its worth the effort when he can just brute force win instead. but kiryu and saejima just straight up are terrible

i think majima would be the sort of mahjong player to go for wins regardless of the value - like in theory he’d like to go for larger hands but in practice if he got into tenpai with a terrible wait he’d riichi immediately regardless of whether or not if he waited a few rounds and got a lucky draw he’d have more options for a winning tile/additional yaku/whatever. he also def calls tiles all the time

also i think he would be one of those people that cannot resist calling a kan if he had the chance even if somebody else at the table already called riichi. Just because of the allure.

and of course it goes without saying he barely spares a glance at anybody else’s discard pond

so in short majima usually leads the table for a while but generally takes pretty low value hands, so its not uncommon for someone else (usually daigo) to swoop in with a haneman or something and shoot straight to the top.

daigo i think would be an incredibly defensive player. given everybody else at his table has approximately 0 interest and/or skill in strategy that involves anybody else he’s gotten pretty good at accurately reading their hands

focuses a lot on not dealing in and usually tries to go for mid-range hands

doesnt call riichi very often cuz he dislikes the lack of control over what hes discarding, and its pretty rare for him to call tiles as well. he likes keeping his options open

additionally i think he pretends to not care all that much about winning but in actuality i think he kind of really does. hes kind of perpetually felt in the shadow of everyone else at this table in everything hes ever done so even if its something as stupid and insignificant as mahjong it feels really really good to rank first <- not that he would ever admit this to either himself or anyone else

additionally (and this is the reasoning he uses to justify to himself why he wants to be first so bad) since majima is like profoundly annoying when he gets competitive and approximately 50x more than that when he wins daigo kind of really wants to kick him down a peg or like maybe 10. someone needs to humble that man

so while its not like he’d ignore a win off of kiryu or saejima hes always lowkey trying to aim for direct hits off majima

honestly kiryu is kind of Well not the greatest strategist i think actually he would kind of suck at mahjong

i feel like he would have terrible luck too like he gets a completely garbage starting hand with a bunch of isolated honor tiles and so he starts chucking them only to keep getting more in his hand later and if he had only kept the first ones for just a few more rounds he would have had a monster hand

or like when you keep discarding useless random tiles and then getting the same ones like 2 draws later and youre like i literally shouldve gone for 7 pairs im going to shoot myself i hate my life

^this would be kiryu. hes always at war with the tiles like truly they seem hand picked to piss him off no matter what he does

additionally i think he’d be the sort of person to get caught up in the yakuman allure and just try to go for it because hes already like 13000 points down and its 2nd south round literally why not. the temptation of all green or 13 orphans i think have been his downfall in several a game…

so i think hed be the sort of person to go for big hands even if it has a single wait with 1 tile left somewhere in the wall when hes lost a fair amount of points, but naturally this very rarely ever works out

^additionally i think majima gets a lot of hits off of him like when majima is dealer its just cheap ron after cheap ron and it never seems to end. kind of kiryus personal mahjong hell

saejima… i think honestly he would be interested in trying to learn basic mahjong strategy like i think if kiryu tried he would attempt it for like half a game and then get frustrated cuz theres too much to keep track of and everythings moving too fast and he like just does not care. but saejima i could see asking daigo to teach him like suji

^with this in mind actually i think saejima takes a while to decide what tile he wants to discard and it drives majima CRAAAAAZYYY like he’ll be sitting there for like a solid minute trying to decide what tile to discard and majima is banging his head on the table cuz hes in tenpai and he just wants to draw his tile.

^you would not believe the amount of times they have gotten into physical altercations over this. at some point a 20s play clock is implemented

also really important to note that even though he takes forever to decide what tile he wants to discard he still kind of sucks at mahjong. he just takes longer to be bad at it

theres like a part of daigo that profoundly regrets teaching him about discard analysis because it makes his turns take forever but the larger part of him is like insanely happy to be asked by saejima to teach him something daigo is kind of good at so in the end it balances out

^majima gives daigo a ton of shit for it though because he gets so mad every time. to be honest with you 50% of it is that saejima is genuinely trying to be smart about his discards and the other 50% is that its really funny to make majima really mad over something stupid, particularly given how obnoxious is when he wins

^which is of course the other reason daigo puts up with this. because like a 20s play clock for mahjong is lowkey crazy but its enough time to make majima mad without making everyone else too annoyed to continue playing so majima loses and everyone else wins until they get sick of him being annoying about it at which point realistically they stop playing and start beating the snot out of each other

^kiryu i think is less of a fan though i think hes definitely much more above being petty towards majima than saejima and daigo are and would rather the game just keep moving… but this is entirely because he doesnt have to live with the man

anyways back to saejimas play style i feel like he’d have a really adaptable one - what kind of hand he goes for is mostly dependent on his starting one, so he doesnt really prioritize high scoring/low scoring/open/closed consistently over each other

if his hand looks like it could become high scoring he’ll go for it at the cost of a cheaper hand, but like if out the gate hes already got two dragons and someone drops the third he’ll call it even though it opens his hand.

so basically how well he’s doing is pretty much entirely luck dependent. however given he is now trying to learn how to incorporate strategy into his play style and the fact that its kind of a learning curve cuz you have to keep track of a fair amount (not only looking at the discards on the table but also keeping track of whether the tile was discarded upon drawing or discarded later in the game and which tiles were what and indicators of certain hands in peoples discard piles and checking for suji and so on and so forth) its been a bit of a struggle

so he either takes apart his hand trying not to deal into majima who is permanently in tenpai apparently or misreads what somebodys going for and deals in and so on and so forth. But hes determined to figure it out. <- guy who would probably be better off going back to pure luck

winning stats goes majima >= daigo >> saejima >>> kiryu

^i like to think there was like one game where kiryu got like 3 yakuman and he has been riding that high ever since. Mostly because nothing of the sort has ever happened again ever

#yakuza #lorillee.txt #jimas

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eternalera · 9 months ago

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nobara's entrance in jjk really bothers me for a lot of reasons. like im glad that she's alive, really alive because lets be honest, the main trio being alive was probably the best ending that we could've hoped for but her entrance...

it feels like she just cherry picked yuuji's kill, like she stole it yknow. in yuuji's domain he outright tells sukuna 'i can kill you' and that's such a cold and bad-ass moment for him in the show because he went from being sukuna's vessel who suffers for being so to the guy who actually kills him and ends him.

but with nobara coming in and using her technique on him... it bothers me because it feels like she did most of the damage to him despite yuuji constantly wearing him down and fighting him, basically breaking him and i really wanted him to get the 'final blow' which i guess he does in a sense, he does kill him but it feels so underwhelming so undeserved

its like completing 90% of a video game only to have a friend complete the next 9% and then you get the 1% left which is just mainly the ending. which yuuji did not deserve, he played the game from start to finish while nobara... she was in a coma alright. i dont think she deserved that moment

am i glad that she had it? eh... im glad that she had a bad-ass moment but i dont think that it shouldve been that one and that her attack should've done that much damage on sukuna, but then again if it didnt do a lot of damage on him then it wouldnt make sense i guess seeing as her attacks directly hit the soul

i wanted it to have a more megumi like affect i guess but even then i still might be kinda irked about the whole situation. the reason i think megumi's was earned because we see him basically saying and discovering 'maybe i dont wanna live for myself, but living for someone else might not be so bad' and pull himself out of his misery

and he does do something to sukuna he holds him still for yuuji, this feels more like an assist to me, instead of nobara which felt more like her coming in for the kill. idk this is just my opinion though lol

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #megumi fushiguro #jjk megumi #nobara #nobara kugisaki #jjk nobara #jujutsu kaisen nobara #jujutsu nobara #megumi #itadori #yuuji #fushiguro #itadori yuuji #jjk yuuji #jjk manga #jujutsu megumi #jujutsu kaisen megumi

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mihai-florescu · 2 years ago

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man i just think you've gotta accept that people engage with media in different ways and expecting everyone to do it the same way you do is like... obnoxious as fuck really. like you really cannot force people to read something they have no interest in just because it's "important", when honestly that importance kind of doesn't mean anything if they don't care about the characters heavily involved? why should a 2winkP read element if they already know the basic gist of the war and don't care about the eccentrics/exfine as characters. why should an alkakureiP read marionette when they don't care about valkyrie. and the fact that the screenshot you took of someone only caring about hajime was to make fun of them just makes you seem very mean spirited and unpleasant to be around. that person is just there to have fun and isn't trying to take everything seriously. i don't see why you feel that's somehow an inferior way to enjoy a piece of media, especially one that was designed for you to pick your favorites from the entire selection

Once again i said should. People can enjoy things however they want but an enstars fan should be curious to know more. If i dont have an interest in something i just move on to something i do enjoy and care about. Of course it's in my vision of things, and the people i have an interest in are also aligned to this train of thought so i live in my nice bubblewhere i dont have to often acknowledge how other people engage with things superficially. And have i not stated multiple times i admit im obnoxious? If anyone thinks me taking things seriously is detrimental to their enjoyment then there are some issues to be worked on that are beyond me.

I didnt outright make fun of the hajimeP, back when i first posted it i captioned it "happiest enstars fan", but i was a bit ticked off at dismissal of anything else. So i guess "making fun" was not the right phrase to use as i didnt actually make fun of them publicly, beyond my inner grievances with refusal to engage in other ways with the media. Which are on me, yes, everyone is allowed to do whatever. Including me being allowed to complain, especially when there are trends of people not actually engaging deeply with things. I also crossed out the username specifically to protect the privacy of that person, which maybe i shouldve done more but these days im not so patient anymore.

#ask #anon

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lonelymountainmonkey · 2 years ago

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How am i doing (mainly studies)

I dont fucking know, sometimes im happy often im not. Emotions are sorta vague i feel. Its not that i dont have fun things to do or dont do things that i enjoy its just "meh". Maybe i just lack bigger goals to work towards. Not sure that would fix anything as i dont have a work ethic in the slightest, i cant get shit done even when its like a couple hours till the deadline. I have a general plan in that i am getting a degree(hopefully), but none of the classes do i really pay attention to. I do the mandatory shit and show up for the exam. I couldnt pick out half the lecturers ive had from a lineup just because i cant make myself go to the lectures. Would love to blame it on someone else but i might just need to fucking suck it up and start doing it. Ive tried doing some more work volunteering hoping it would kick my ass into gear, but nothing really yet. It did help sorta with social things tho (might cover that in another post). I just cant make myself focus on a given task for more than a couple minutes before spacing out. I can however spend hours then procrastinating by doing specific activities and feeling awful when i havent done the things i shouldve done. I can even stretch my procrastination over several days. I'll have some big project and three weeks and realize that if i start early i wont have to do too much per day, then wait until two days before do the bare minimum and get a barely passing grade. Its not that i dont know better i just cant make myself fucking do it. Dont get me started on how many times i go out for a walk for several hours in a day rather than being productive either. I just walk the same cycle for like an hour/90 mins and then go inside and dont do work either way. Ill be walking and dreaming of how good things could be if i did my shit and then promptly refuse to do them once i can. I dont see it as self destructive either, it snot some wish i have to fuck up my life i just dont do the things i should.

#hali's hour

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sanctifiedandfree · 3 months ago

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yj s3 finale thoughts

ignoring melissa bc shes like a non-character the only adult i didnt really care about was van.... everybody else was like soooo compelling but it really felt to me like the best scene we got from her was on the jet at the end & thats mostly bc teen van was there & shes like. actually interesting

lottie is everything to me but i hate callie for killing her, im honestly sick of shaunas fam the one thing that made them fun to have on the show was being ride or die for shauna in spite of everything she did

back to lottie tho i love the time/dream stuff going on with her and i fully believe she walked over the pit. im a wilderness truther idc what anyone says. the way she desperately wanted to hunt a teammate apparently was honestly shocking to me and the way her dying vision was the sleepwalking dream she had immediately before it happened!!!!!! wtf!!!!! i just love her so much

also love the potential for wanting to hunt so badly bc she wanted to be the one chosen. she lit up at the draw and totally fell flat when she wasnt picked. then when callie pushed her down the stairs she lit up again. & i do love this for her like i loveeeeee her fascination with It et al & figuring out the mystery of it all/getting to the root of what happened to them & why its still haunting them both psychologically but also possibly literally. but i also know how her actress felt about being killed off so maybe its a cop out on the writers part. but im not getting into all that.

tai is rly good i liked how (esp w the pilot rewatch) it literally did come full circle with her inadvertently causing harm to someone she didnt intend to.... ep 1 with that girls leg & now with mari. i also liked how she ate vans heart. like both her and shauna are fully embracing all sides of themselves at the end of the season it seems but i hope they end up back on the same side bc theyre so similar in that regard and i like the girls banded together. like yes it was shaunas idea to go to alexs house which made them run into melissa but misty is the one that stopped them and had them pick her up on the way. and AGAIN ultimately melissa is the one that killed her. but tai trying to cope with vans murder and kind of falling back into the orbit of It is so good

im glad misty is standing up to shauna now she desperately needed to. and im glad she got callie to confess. normally im a misty stan but i do not feel theres much for me to say rn bc i want the band back together etc etc

shauna im not sure how im feeling bc it was so satisfying seeing the scene of her reading the letter and finally crying remembering the people she recently killed or lost, but the way they wrote everyone else not enjoying the hunt at all and its like literally just shauna and lottie (for diff reasons but yk) is annoying. like obvs tai just ate a heart as an adult she probably had some sort of thrill (/neutral) in it and she didnt want to go home either. misty did want to go home but doesnt seem to have any qualms whatsoever about taking part in the "feast"

i think shauna is like in this gray zone of enjoying power and kind of thriving despite (or maybe partially because of) everyones apparent hatred of her. bc she remembers it sooo fondly but also she is obvs not having the best time when we see it actually happening, shes paranoid and alone and knows that nobody is really standing with her. so idk if i want the truth to be that everyone did enjoy it to some degree or if i want her to realize that it was mostly her & she just likes being hated as long as it means people are seeing and accepting all of her and she doesnt have to hide those parts of herself. i feel like shes so mean and confrontational bc she cant let herself truly be vulnerable or she'll totally fall apart. or maybe im projecting lol but i feel her in that regard

mari. UGHHHHHH MARIIIIIIII MY GIRLLLLLL i loved her so much. i was so so fond of her by the end. pit girl shouldve been hannah shes a poser. also the whole pilot scene felt so much worse actually knowing who it is she did NOT deserve all that. mari was so funny and such a teen and she feels real in a way that like.... nat for example doesnt. mari was unabashedly herself and didnt tone down her personality at all for anyone. rip queen

akilah initially helping lottie so they could hunt (which. wow. the dedication to lottie/appeasing the wilderness in that moment knowing HOW much she cared abt the animals, and she brought it up herself) but then like coming to a full realization that the consequence will be maris death & almost killing lottie in retaliation was amazing i want to see more of akilah next season in the aftermath of all this. like she is so in love with Life and to come that close to killing someone shows the impact everything is having on her

i was like who am i forgetting oh yeah nat. nat is the opposite of van for me i dont find teen her interesting at ALL i literally only like her as an adult and shes gone now so :/ like u know shes kind of a boring character when coach is like youre not like these other girls you dont belong here. okay. umm youre in the wilderness and everyone is kinda losing it theres absolutely no way you havent done anything questionable but shes written like an angel as a teen and her adult story is soooooo much better in comparison. it always felt like teen nat was channeling the CONCEPTS of justice and reason (aka hollow, no personality) & in a way that was like... shes one of the guys, & the guys (for the most part) have not really partaken or believed in anything the rest of the girls are doing, so nat is gonna be the Good One, the incorruptible girl & that is so fundamentally boring to me. not to hate ik a ton of ppl like her but i just dont get it. thats_my_opinion.wav

the whole thing w travis talking ab shauna & jackie felt out of left field lol but maybe that was just me. cool that its kinda confirmed bc the first few episodes were SO clearly showing that shauna was in love w her but its kinda small in light of the rest of the episode imo

& finally i love that jackie whispering to shauna in a half-sleep state was the signal for the first snow. amazing beautiful poetic FULL circle

#its long i just wanted to get it down lol #yj

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majorasnightmare · 8 months ago

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like. exclusively dirge posting now and not "dirgeposting that could also still be generalized to durgeposting" like usual

its also just a convenient way to take his overwhelmingly magnetic presence out of the story just enough to force everyone to decide on their own lives without him, because theyll have to live it on their own

dirge stabilizes thanks to Omeluum doing Psychic Mindflayer Surgery but doesnt come to because. Life Threatening Brain Injury. ya know. and now without the tadpole or kressa, his bhaalspawn titan heritage can kick in, cus even a disowned godspawn remains a godspawn still, and if anything would knock your ass into a coma itd be THAT. so he gets moved off the table into a makeshift room at the society of brilliance, and then later into jaheiras, because she really strikes me as someone who takes the dark urge situation a little TOO personally, ya know?

like shes an absent mother because shes scared to be close and vulnerable to people who might have to cope with losing her, because she never really recovered from losing khalid, she just lives with it. and she balances living as a harper and as a parent by just trying to be that cool mom who comes by with stories and presents but never really is emotionally present, out of fear. but its like. shed feel its her fault, ya know? didnt kill sarevok hard enough the first time, didnt redeem him well enough the second, or kill him hard enough the second time. and now this poor child had to grow up around THAT. surrounded by sycophants to the lord of murder and his foul son, indoctrinated into killing, trying to break free and being so terrified of being dragged back. so i feel like internally she blames herself for it. like it wasnt good enough, her first attempts. and that just brings back the memories of khalid and the vulnerability that brings with it, that lets her connect with dirge the way she struggles to with her kids. like i have to take responsibility for you, ya know? its my fault. i shouldve done more for you. i think jaheira doesnt really feel like an absent mother until she meets dirge.

its like. hes a grown ass adult and so is she, but no one knows better what its like to live in bhaals shadow than her. and he IS scared. terrified, in a way that goes beyond speaking. and she DOES want to comfort him. out of responsibility or guilt or something else entirely. a desire not to fail him again, maybe, now that she knows him. so when the absolute falls and there isnt any need to be professional right now, just pick up the pieces, i think that pulls that kind of familial vulnerability shes repressed since losing khalid back out of her. something tender and affectionate because now she doesnt have any reason to deny whats obvious: hes family

the crises dont resolve themselves once everyones stable so like. we all have to figure our own shit out, ya know? dirge wanted so badly to live, more than anything, and he killed himself to keep bhaal from using him to hurt his loved ones (to keep bhaal from using minthara up like a tool for his satisfaction, a legion of spawn and then another corpse thrown out like trash), and he had to kill his sister and the only man who ever loved the person he was, just to fight for the life he was trying to live now. and he did most of that just because you asked him to. so like, can karlach really go to her death in good conscience knowing the kinds of things dirge sacrificed for her own happiness? for her safety? when she means so much to him, and everyone else? she thought that maybe she could go to her death on her own terms and itd be okay, itd be her choice and shed be free, but is it really freedom or just giving up because its scary and upsetting and hard? if the people she loves are willing to fight so hard for her, shouldnt she try to at least hear them out? as much as i love helping karlach want to live and decide to go to avernus, it really is the kind of decision someone should make for themselves. you have to decide to want to live. and she does, she wants to live so bad, she just doesnt think its possible anymore and tried to make her peace with that. and like, it does mean that dirge doesnt get to see her off to avernus or to say goodbye, but it DOES mean he doesnt have to because she'll live, even if its a struggle. they dont say goodbye because theyll get to see each other again

wyll deciding to go to avernus with her, free from mizora with the knowledge that his fathers alive (because dirge saved him, because wyll wanted him to, because even tho dirge hates ulders guts he loves wyll more) and finally making his first free decision without binding himself to someone else, and deciding he wants to spend his time, not just helping frontier strangers who will only ever know the blade, but helping his friend and loved one who knows wyll. the man behind the title. and that being enough.

laezel pursuing the freedom of her people, halsin going to make his sanctuary, neither of them able to wait long enough to say goodbye but taking their lives into their own hands and chasing the oppurtunity to do so before its gone

dirge managed to talk gale out of pursuing ascension (heart rendingly because god thats so much POWERRRRR. but becoming a god would strip gale of anything interesting or worthwhile and reduce him down to a one note wonder devoid of the ability to make full use of the power hed receive, only able to act as a shallow divinity just like the rest of the gods. which is worse than not getting power at all). but i dont think gale is quite ready to commit to being a professor just yet. and dirges injury provides gale with the means to avoid going home and confronting his family (gotta prove myself useful and caretake my situationship!!) and i think that even after dirge comes to gale just kinda. lingers and couch surfs a bit. not ready to face his mom and not sure where to take his life and not quite prepared to make those decisions for himself yet, so instead hes just in that weird state of aimlessness where he copes by doing a lot of the chores

shadkwheart definitely puts her life on hold until dirge is fully up and recovered. knows what she wants and how to get it but for him, shell put her whole life on pause until hes better. after all, its thanks to him that her life isnt so urgent that it cant afford to take a break. astarions in a similar boat, where hes managed to regain a lot of his autonomy post-cazador and mostly just hovers out of genuine concern. minsc does minsc, as always

mintharas a fun one. i think she wants to be the spouse in the hospital chair, endlessly waiting with infinite patience, but i think doing so makes her too antsy. too much buulding anxiety and not enough outlets so shes forced to sit and think and it just makes it all worse. she wants to trust that he'll come back to her, just like he promised, but she cant stand the waiting. i think if dirge doesnt succumb to his injuries for a bit, when planning their life together they would decide on sieging menzoberanzan, which is comfortable and familiar for minthara but also deeply isolates her and keeps her from really moving on. but with him incapacitated and unable to voice his desire to go along with whatever she wants, minthara gets forced into taking the path of change. he cant really be moved, and his recovery time is unknown, so circumstances force her to start taking steps to settle into baldurs gate, which both occupies her free time waiting for dirge to wake up and also challenges her insecure preconception that shes inherently unlikable to most people regardless of deeds. also gives her a taste for those bloodthirsty political machinations she so enjoys, without the anxiety and dread of losing her loved ones that menzoberranzan carries. i think shed manage to negotiate her way into getting the rights to a ruined house in the upper city (destroyed in the absolute attack), that she starts working on renovating to her tastes (correctly assuming that dirge doesnt care and likes whatever she likes), and really starts to make progress settling in on the surface for life, because dirge isnt there to enable her to avoid confronting those insecurities (he loves her and wants the best for her, but she doesnt have the same "i secretly want to talk about this thing bothering me" that the origin companions have going on, and that makes it harder for him to discern the kind of pressure minthara needs to positively change rather than just providing her with the comfort and stability she needs for such a change to be possible. hes good at THAT, its just step two that needs help) (he also just straight up hates baldurs gate and would need to be talked into staying which. minthara having a house locked down goes a good way towards doing that LMAO).

so like in addition to being great hurt/comfort fuel its just a really nice vehicle to force everyone out from being passive actors in their own lives to taking responsibility and agency in their lives, and the positive influence dirge has had on their lives is enough to push them into making better choices for themselves rather than being persuaded into doing things good for them. it flips the dynamic on its head, cuz now dirge has to be dragged kicking and screaming into confronting his unavoidable problems instead of shadowheart lmao. like your disabled bro! its no longer life threatening and your recovered, but this is it! its this forever!!

you cant just rely on circumstance to give your life direction, the emperor isnt going to come by and say you need to kill ANOTHER world ending elder brain, and no god will hold you hostage and command you to do their bidding or youll suffer eternal torture, YOU have to live your life now with the support of all the people youve helped take care of, and now youve got to break the habit of deflecting away from discussing your problems, in part because they just arent going away. your disability is worse now than before and its just Like That now. you have memory issues and sporadic brain fog now, alongside the chronic migraines and nausea and insomnia from before. and you have to live your life. everyone you love chose to live their lives because of you, and now you have to chose to too.

its the kinda narrative i LIVE FORRRRR

#dirgeposting #baldurs gate is faeruns detroit. you cant change my mind #''woke up this morning and got up from my room in the elf song and someone stole my fucking balcony. cant have SHIT in the gate''#however its a point of pride that while the gate may suck ass at least it isnt waterdeep 💜#with dirge astarion wyll karlach and shadowheart all being from baldurs gate they 100% bully gale about it #because baldurs gate is laezels first faerun city. shes also an honorary baldurian #they get matching t shirts including one for laezel and its just to bully gale

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scrmngtts · 2 years ago

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i checked my last entry prior to the last one.. i can kinda feel somethings gonna happen i shouldve trusted my instincts..

OKAY SO LETS START!//

Again, im writing this to vent and journal my emotions.. nothing else. to help me cope and to help me process my thoughts better.

SATURDAY.. I invited them to go to this place to support my friends. it went well, i met his bestfriend again first we chatted for a bit and then we head over to the place.. it was fun id say.. i enjoyed.. my friends were there too it was nice seeing them as well. we had lunch together. was really nice as well cuz we get to talk and he seem to really like my friends which is really nice i like that, they were laughing and such and they were getting along. really glad on that part. idk if he ever was jealous that all my friends are mostlly gus, tbh idont think he cares so.. shrug i gues//

so yeah after we ate we went home, i said my goodbyes to my friends, they were nice i missed them so much i wanna see them again without him there to be honest.. i dont know what went in my mind why did i invitefd them.. cuz it led to things i really didnt like..

we went to his place with his bestfriend.. he said if we can just chill for a bit.. sure.. chill for a bit.. but yeah that was so.. the most awkward situation ive ever been.. tbh idek why im stilling talking to him after all this...

it is smtg really weird that i dont even wanna think about it.. or write about it.. it made me feel really uncomfy... whats worse is i dont have someone to talk to about it.. cuz its so weird i dont want anyone to know about it.. it was nust very awkward and weird and i dont knwo.. im really still all over the place just thinking about that just typing my thoughts about that makes me really uncomfortable..

so after what happened i kinda detached myself from the situation because i really dont want to deal with it i really wanna run away from it.. i realy wanna drop everything and leave i noticed that im like that i always wanted to run away when things get out of hand.. i dont fight i flight.. i just feel like i can always deal with my emotions alone, i can always think better when im on my own.

anyways.. he felt smtg was off cuz he asked me right away. also i was with his bestfriend at the time and i told her im not ok that i need some time alone and think things. so i really dont know if she told him smtg? but yeah he asked if i was okay.. i said i dont know, can u giv eme more time to think and he said yes then we can talk when im ready.. this was around maybe 7pm on a saturday night.

then around 11:30 he called me.. i dont really wanna pick up but.. i still did.. i was actually busy at the time so i told him ill call him when im done.. i finished around 1am.. then he was still up.. we were in call for like an hour and 30 mins..

idk if i wanna continue.. maybe next post?

#11:41pm #8/7/23

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yengyangyo · 4 years ago

Text

berry | k.s.w

pairings: kim sunwoo x female reader

genre: college au, friends to lovers

summary: you are in denial that you have a crush on your own friend, kim sunwoo until he made you confess your feelings.

word count: 1.9k

note: i wrote this on sunwoo's birthday. its quite late to post it cs i kept on postponing it sksksk but yea this was inspired by sunwoo's berry. enjoy reading! xo

you had sunwoo on your mind for days that you are lacking of sleep. it doesnt sit quite right for you to have this 'romantic' feelings for your bestfriend. meanwhile, sunwoo is not helping you to clear up your mind at all. he's just always there beside you no matter what.

he'd wait at the bus stop just to go to class together with you in the morning even when you're running late. lunch time together is a must unless one of you had other plans. both of you are just stuck together anywhere you go.

so for once, you thought it'd be a good plan to avoid him today. you woke up early that morning to get to class and you texted sunwoo that you had a discussion with your groupmates. this went on for a few days, you were making excuses everyday but sunwoo believed you.

until he couldnt take it anymore.

you felt your phone vibrating in your pocket and you saw sunwoo on the caller id. you were hesitating to pick it up until you felt someone grabbing your wrist from the back, turning you around.

"found ya!"

sunwoo appeared in front of you with the brightest smile. you couldn't help but to feel happy and welcomed by him that you started smiling unknowingly. you get back to your senses seconds later and avoided his eyes.

sunwoo knew something was wrong when he saw your expression fell. he glanced at your phone that kept ringing. he ended the call and your phone went off too.

"why arent you answering my calls? are you still busy?"

you couldnt stand seeing sunwoo looking all gloomy and upset. you felt bad for ignoring him so you tried making up excuses again.

"oh yea i was about to pick it up. sorry,"

sunwoo pouted and wrapped his arm around your shoulders. he's using his favourite perfume again today, you noticed. that scent happened to be your fav of him too. you felt weak and wanting to crawl into a hole or something.

"im craving chicken today. how about chicken and beer for dinner tonight?"

sunwoo turned his head at you, waiting for an answer. you looked up at him and his face was only inches away from you. you looked away, flustered. he had always been this way but only now you noticed how you felt about him which made it more awkward to be this close to him.

"i dont know, sunwoo. i'll have to check with my groupmates," you said, pretending to check your phone for your nonexistent messages.

"its friday come on. i havent hang out with you for days already," sunwoo whined and that made you laugh.

"alright but i get to choose where to eat,"

you chose the chicken restaurant near your neighbourhood where you both are regular customers there. the place was crowded with youngsters like the both of you, drunken with beer and chicken.

you were also getting tipsy from drinking. the first 30 minutes of the dinner went normal. asking how each other had been doing with the college life.

sunwoo sighed and rested his chin on his right palm. his eyes falters on you, searching for something. you looked away, feeling a bit burdened and transparent, because sunwoo knew you werent acting yourself these days.

"hey," he called you but you didnt answer and still avoiding the eye contact.

"hey look at me,"

you were startled at the warmth on both of your cheeks. sunwoo was cupping your cheeks to make you look at him straight in the eyes. you didnt know if this warmth was from his hand or from you blushing.

"what's wrong?" he asked. now his hand moved to yours, holding it tight. "you're avoiding me these days. do you think i didnt notice?"

silence fell between you two, just staring at each other. the guilt creeping up inside you and you didn't know where to start.

its the smallest gesture from him that create butterflies in your stomach.

that one time he opened the water bottle for you when he saw you struggling and saying that you're such a baby. his laughter filled the room when you frowned at the remark. you know how much he loves annoying you and in the end he always made you laugh too.

on rainy days, he'd always share the umbrella with you and keeping you close to him so you wouldnt get drenched. sometimes he'd gently rub your arm so you wouldn't get too cold.

sometimes he'd call you names like how boyfriend and girlfriend do, jokingly. though, you somewhat enjoyed it and played along. pretending to cringe but actually was flattered by him.

at this moment, your hand in his, eyes boring into each other, you just want to scream at him how much you love him.

you smiled in defeat and pulled back your hand.

"there were just so many thoughts going on my mind lately, sunwoo. im so sorry,"

he didn't question you any further and he nodded his head.

"whatever it is youre thinking, i just want you to know i'm always here for you,"

you smiled, this time sincerely at him.

"you always are sunwoo. i appreciate that,"

he smirked, "after all, i am the best that you got,"

you rolled your eyes and gave him your disgusted face.

"so are you gonna tell me what's bugging you?"

"i think i like someone. he's just always running round in my mind these days,"

you didnt know where the courage came from to blurt out that out of your mouth. sunwoo who was halfway shoving a piece of chicken in his mouth, stopped. he put it down and looked at you, doubting himself if he heard that right.

"i couldnt stop thinking about him. that pretty much explains that i like him right? or is it just my mind playing games with me?"

you swore you saw his face fell for a second but he went back to the usual sunwoo after that.

"does he know about your feelings?"

you shrugged, "nah. im still trying to find out what i really feel about him. should i tell him?"

sunwoo didnt say anything and chugged down his beer until its empty.

"yea why not," he answered simply. "he must be really lucky to have you,"

you laughed, "i havent done anything yet. there's a possibility that he'd reject me too anyway,"

its funny how you talk about this like its some stranger to sunwoo when you are talking about him. you felt light hearted a bit after letting that out.

"who'd reject you?" sunwoo said while playing with that piece of chicken, not looking at you anymore. "you're pretty and fun,"

you raised an eyebrow, wondering if you heard that right. he was still poking the chicken with his fork, eyes hazy and lips pouting.

"so you're not gonna tell me who is this guy you have a crush on?"

"you'll find out soon,"

sunwoo offered to walk you home though you kindly told him he didn't have to. he insisted and now you are walking beside him. he was suddenly quiet after the conversation you had with him.

"is that why you're avoiding me? because you have a crush on this guy?"

he asked, hands in his pockets, eyes looking forward. you looked at him, feeling a bit weirded out by his cold tone.

"no... okay maybe? i dont know. i just needed some time to myself,"

sunwoo fell quiet again for the rest of the walk home. when you reached the front gate of your house, you looked back at sunwoo. he looked like he was upset. you walked up to him and pat his side.

"hey thanks for walking me home. i'll tell you everything when i'm ready okay?"

sunwoo didnt say anything and you turned around to get out of that awkward moment.

"no i'll tell you everything right now okay? hear me out,"

you stopped in your tracks and facing him in confusion. he was pacing around, his hands are restless in his pockets.

"before you confess to him i guess i have to make a move on you first," sunwoo said, this time he raised his voice. "this is why people are saying we should always tell what we feel before we regret it and i dont want to regret it but i think im too late,"

you are worried at him. he looked like he was about to break down right in front of you. you wanted to comfort him but you didnt get what he's trying to say.

"sunwoo, i dont understand. what is it?"

sunwoo stopped pacing around and stopped directly in front of you. you swore you saw his eyes tearing up and you wanted to cry too. you thought, the alcohol has made both of you emotional.

"i like you,"

you both felt like the world is weighing down. it was as if the time has stopped for you two. you were staring at each other in disbelief.

"i know you like someone else and i shouldve told you sooner. i kept on putting back my feelings behind," sunwoo halted, gasping for air. "im too late now but i have to tell you this,"

"sunwoo-"

"i dont care who he is. but i want you to know that you deserve of love. you kept on telling yourself you dont deserve anyone. you know how badly i want to tell you that im here? i want to love you," sunwoo was practically shouting at this point. he sighed, "shit im already am in love with you,"

at those words, your tears came streaming down like crazy. you've never seen him cry but tonight he looked beautiful even when he's crying. you lurched forward and wrapped your arms around him. he buried his face in your neck and you felt his warm tears on your skin.

"im sorry. i just wanted to let that out after keeping it for so long. this is the worst timing huh?" he murmured under his breath.

you shook your head and laughed. you let go of the hug first and cupped his face in your hands. teary eyes staring at each other.

"sunwoo its you,"

"what?"

"i love you too,"

you closed the distance between the two of you, kissing him for the first time. that caught him off guard but then smiled in the kiss. it was sloppy but sunwoo is for sure leading you well at this. you both craved for this for a long time already. you were still crying of relief and touched by his confession.

"you should've told me before i start crying like an idiot," sunwoo looked down at you, smiling with his swollen eyes.

you laughed at him and you snuggled more into his embrace not wanting to let go too soon. you realized how much you miss him after those dreading days of ignoring him. he rested his chin on your head while gently patting you.

"im sorry ive been ignoring and denying my feelings for you,"

"its okay. thank god we actually like each other though," you both laughed at the same time and you havent felt this happy and giddy before.

"so i can actually call you my baby now?" sunwoo asked smirking at you playfully, knowing how much you hated it before.

"that's still cringy but sure, babe,"

#kim sunwoo #the boyz #the boyz scenarios #the boyz imagines #the boyz fics #sunwoo fluff #sunwoo scenarios #sunwoo imagines #kpop fanfic #tbz fanfic #tbz imagines #tbz scenarios #sunwoo oneshots #tbz oneshots

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i-just-want-to-destroy · 3 years ago

Note

oh I see !

just got merely curious, you do write good stuff imo and taking it slow should be a valid direction in the writing process (considering writers block)

but I guess I meant to ask how you have the motivation and energy to continue writing and producing said stories

to have the means on picking it back up throughout the months

and what your thought process goes through as well on planning your course of action - curios anon (also hope you don't mind me asking you so many things)

thanks for your kind words and ask! super long answer below.

motivation wise, i think its because 1) I want to see how the story ends, 2) the feedback that I get, 3) writing is fun.

1) A. im an organic writer which means sometimes i go in without a plan not knowing the ending and often not even knowing where im going with a story. sometimes i would sooort of know the general ending of the story but i have no idea how im going to get there. i write with very, very rough outline, if any at all. with one shots there are usually no outlines at all. im well aware this makes me sound like an irresponsible writer, which is not incorrect, but this method of writing is exciting to me.

every time i finish a fic im surprised at myself because i genuinely did not know how it was going to end. my favorite thing is when i write and i suddenly figure out why the character is doing what theyre doing, or what the story is trying to say. the eureka! moment. this happens to all of my stories bc i play by ear most of the time. its really thrilling to me to watch things play out as it happens, if that makes sense!

i think its why i love writing mysteries so much because the story is a mystery to me too. its like putting a puzzle together but you make the pieces yourself, and its so difficult but also so much fun. the moment everything is revealed, the moment i understand whats going on in the story, what the character wants, how everything falls together ... whoa. it makes everything worth it.

so yeah. i want to see how the story ends as much as (i hope!) the readers do.

B. its rare, but sometimes i do know what im trying to say with a story. this is usually for vent fics. and venting i believe is a really good thing to do in order to stay alive and stuff, yknow. its like taking a dump. you gotta get those shit out of yourself and put it out to the world so someone else would read the shit and would be like, "oh, i connect with this shit! i understand what this shit is trying to say!" and then you feel better. its free therapy and also free human connection

2) it cheers me up whenever a reader says the story makes them feel something, or if they manage to connect with it, which is the best thing ever. it feels great. and i do feel an obligation to continue a story because of this. whenever my multichap fics get a comment it does nudge something in me to actually open my google doc. if anyone who has ever commented on my stuff is reading this thank you SO much btw you dont even know.

3) writing is fun. thats it.

that being said, i run out of energy a lot. i do best when its a 20-25k story. longer than that and its hell to me personally. i think this will get better in time because back then i remember 10k was insane to me (i used to write 2k max) and so 20k was inconceivable--but here i am. 200k is inconceivable to me right now, but maybe it wont be in another five years.

i do encounter issues because of my (inadvisable) process. my issue is mostly continuity (because i dont write consistently). sometimes id realize something ive missed like details, or plot points that i shouldve brought up on earlier chapters, foreshadowings that ended up going nowhere ... things like that. i usually reread my own stuff before i update so i remember where im at. writing style change is also an issue.

all in all, this is bad practice and i dont recommend this. i think having a good outline and write consistently is the goal. i hope my process gets better but im ngl, i have a lot of fun with going blind. it keeps things from getting boring. and also i do think as time goes on im more daring to write things i wouldnt have before.

i.e at the beginning of writing retry i didnt want to write inko because i thought it was too difficult and i didnt think i could give that kind of character (a mother of a suicidal person) justice. but now inko has become a very important character. this wouldnt have happened if i had finished retry like, two years ago or something. me back then couldnt do it, but the me right now can. i do think despite all of its flaws, and also despite the fact that its incomplete, the fic has become much better for it because im ... older? more experienced? etc.

i dont think any of my fics will be "good" and "polished" compared to actual published books (or even other fics lol). i dont think thats my goal either. im just trying to go as far as i can go with them and maybe entertain a few people while im at it, and especially, entertain myself. thats where im at now in my writing. if you read this far... well, hope this makes sense.

#when i wrote jttou i didnt even know the plot twist until i wrote it and man i was screaming on my own in my room #ask #fic stuff #good friends was quite a process as well i didnt know how it was going to end. at first it was gonna end after bkg scene.#but then i realize... wouldnt it be more fucked up if...?

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cassyapper · 4 years ago

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bless you @bisexyofficial

i’ll put a cut so ppl who dont wanna see it dont have to wade through my ramblings but

jonathan joestar’s whole life was a tragedy nd im tired of pretending it’s not

tw suicide btw

i have been thinking abt this for so long and i only recently figured out how to word it so let’s go

first things first;;; he’s in a carriage accident as a child, in which his mother dies while protecting him from the brunt of impact. i have no doubt in my MIND george kinda blames jonathan for his wife’s death because of this (ill get back to why i think so in a minute). but even if george didn’t, it seems like it’s in jonathan’s nature to blame himself as well

i think that’s why he tries so hard to be the hero (for example, when he steps in to help erina even though he was no match at all for the bullies). he wants to pay it forward if you will; he thinks he’s living on borrowed time, and he doesn’t want to carry that debt longer than he must, which in this case would mean...dying for the good of someone else asap. not good!

so frankly already i think he was never in the best place mentally but he was like okay relative to how bad it would get.

but then dio ~the invader~

dio comes in with the life mission of making jonathan so miserable he kills himself so that he can have all the joestar inheritance. jonathan no doubt picked up on this, considering dio was never subtle about it lol

i think the only reason he didnt go along with it is because, especially in western christain culture at the time, suicide was seen as the easy way out/a sin/something selfish, which wasnt how jonathan wanted to go. he wanted to kill himself sure but he wanted the benefit of the doubt regarding it and he wanted it to be because he was saving someone else

my proof of this line of thinking is all very subtle but it is there and it’s all in the fact that jonathan does nothing to stop dio from tormenting HIM. when he lashes out a dio, it’s only when dio drags others into their feud, like erina and danny and later george and eventually windknights lot. but when it was just him? jonathan took it and swallowed it and did nothing in retaliation. because he though he deserved it

this lack of action is echoed in how he just takes his father’s abuse as well; george jumped on the opportunity to belittle jonathan (such as the dinner table manners bs/otherwise always comparing jonathan to dio in a way “why cant you be more like him” way) and always believed dio over jonathan when they squabbled bc, as mentioned earlier, he blames jonathan for his wife’s death and he loves having some reason to be mad at jonathan. jonathan just takes it and accepts the unfair punishments (such as when george literally STARVED HIM, A GROWING PRETEEN BOY) because again, he believes he deserves it. he believes he is inherently bad

this line of thinking would also explain why he never tries to reconnect with erina until theyre adults and erina initiates it; he doesnt want her to be targeted because of HIM again. he wont drag her back into his messes for the selfish reason of him wanting her company

so. jonathan doesnt like himself. he is perfectly fine with others using him as their emotional/physical punching bag but he will get upset if others get involved

jonathan is selfless to a fault and it really really hurts, u guys. it’s born out of love for others but also a disdain for himself and that hurts

but anyway

then george dies when jonathan is only 19 and even though george was abusive to jonathan, jonathan still mourns him because he felt like he deserved that abuse. and to add salt to the wound, george dies in jonathan’s place iirc so jonathan just feels. awful. fuck god fuck. especially bc he died cause dio got obsessed with a mask JONATHAN left where he could find. obviously it’s not jonathan’s fault for real but this man will perform mental gymnastics to make himself out to be the one to blame because it’s how he’s lived his whole life and it’s how he stomached pain his whole life. it’s easier to take things if u think u deserve them

anyway anyway then part 1 main events. zeppeli, the only real father figure in jonathan’s life, dies, also in place of jonathan. i have no doubt in my mind jonathan feels like he’s a curse onto his loved ones at this point, if he hadn’t thought so earlier; a bad luck charm. after all, the later generations of joestar gotta get it from somewhere-

anyway this death does fuel jonathan enough to kill dio rather than any notions he mightve had of just dying heroically in the fight. esp because dio was gonna continue hurting people if he wasn’t stopped. so jonathan kills him rather than falling into a self-destructive fate

we see, when jonathan weeps over dio’s “death”, that he is sad over this death. most of this is bc dio was a brother in some measure to him since dio changed tactics of how he’d swipe the joestar fortune and became a little more amicable toward jonathan for a handful of years, as well as the fact that he now had time to properly mourn zeppeli/his father now. but i feel like another death he was mourning in this instance was less dio/his father/zeppeli, and more the death of his self-blame line of thought

killing dio, a man who had become a symbol for jonathan’s self-blame and self-disdain, was a big stepping stone in jonathan’s healing i feel like. he’s gotta work on it obviously but i think at this point, when he had the guts to kill dio while also being self-preservative, he was ready to start trying to live for himself in addition to his loved ones. he was ready to unshoulder the guilt he had felt his whole life. he was ready to heal, because erina, speedwagon, and zeppeli showed him he had something inside him that was worth loving. and he might not have gotten it then but with time...maybe he would

he finally starts piecing a life together, a real life. he marries erina, he’s besties with speedwagon, he gets a new home, it’s good, it’s good, he is starting to become happy in life and happy he’s alive for the first time since he can remember

but then it turns out dio is not actually dead and he infiltrated jonathan’s honeymoon ship specifically because it was jonathan’s and he kills almost everyone on board while he’s there. erina is in danger again. a child is in danger. and much like dio was never actually dead, neither was his tendency to shoulder blame and self-disdain

basically, as a result of this jarring situation on a day that was supposed to be one of the happiest of his life, jonathan is thrown back to his 12 year old mindset; it was fine if it was just him. he can die heroically via fighting someone as vile as dio (which in my opinion is why dio even got the jump on him via the laser eyes in the first place; jonathan shouldve been able to dodge that........but w/e). but he can’t let this happen to the world. he can’t let this happen to erina. he needs her to get away from him and thus, the danger

and well, we know how part one ends. jonathan gets his wish. he dies alone with the person he hates most, having relapsed all the healing he had done. he dies a heroic death rather than a “shameful” one of suicide. he dies blaming himself for this mess, just how he had lived most of his life

jonathan is a tragedy. he is shouldered blame unfairly given to him from his father, dio, and he himself his whole fucking life. when he finally, finally has the chance to start healing and making peace with himself, dio kills him, and in addition to that, jonathan’s last acts are the results of a mental rebound from a healthier mindset to a unhealthy one, that culminates in his death. he is alone with the person who is representative of all that made his life shit when he dies

and dawg...it hurts so bad. fucking jonathan joestar

anyway this is why comments abt how nice he is make me so sad sumtimes, especially when it’s re how forgiving/”gentlemanly” he is. it’s bc he felt he deserved that hurt in the first place so of course he wouldn’t hold it against them. he’s kinda shocked someone would feel guilty over it in the first place, but he’s happy to forgive because he doesnt think a slight occured because he thinks he deserved it, which we can see in speedwagon’s introduction

anyway jonathan is as much of a tragedy as the rest of the joestars i need people to acknowledge this. im in tears

#cass cries #jjba #jonathan joestar

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heyitsyn · 5 years ago

Text

Mess Up

TimeTraveler!Son x Haikyuu!!

a/n: lmao im really sorry about this :’( this is just a brain dump and something i thought of while i was watching the stage play and i was thinking about it last night until i fell asleep

p.s. your son’s name is natsu in this one and hes an oc so dont be confused as to who this guy is 😂

summary: your son accidentally stumbles through time and the only way he can go back is if his mother and father get together. the only problem? he doesnt know who his father is

he,,,, messed up

that was clear the moment he woke up to a supposed bicycle accident in early morning when it shouldve been a car accident at the dead of night

lets take a flashback shall we

natsu came home after volleyball practice around 8 at night and he stumbled through the front door where he could smell the delicious food that you were cooking

‘ma! tadaima!’

he shouted and you peeked from the hallway with your blue apron and ladle and a close-eyed grin

‘okaeri, baby!’

his slippers padded across the wooden floors to go to the kitchen and watch as you stirred the miso soup

‘how was practice, dumpling?’

omg i would totally call my future kids that though

he shrugged, even though you couldnt see him, and went to the fridge to grab a bottled water before taking a sip

‘inter-high is coming up so captain’s been making us practice longer’

he answered then went to jump on the counter beside the stove so you could see him

he turned silent as he inspected your features and how youthful you still looked despite going through so many stressful times and hardships of raising your son alone

but he was really wondering what was exactly your purpose of being here since you rarely cooked for him due to being busy at work and therefore coming home late

‘ma, why are you here early?’

you noticeably stopped for a second before smiling, eyes shifting from the pot to him

‘i,,, have something to talk about with you’

natsu blinked then leaned against the wall and crossed his arms

‘is it something bad? but youre cooking my favorite so it must be something good. then again, it might be something bad but you want to be on my good side so youre bribing me with-’

‘natsu’

you softly called out to him and he stopped

you turned off the stove and shuffled to the side so you could stand in between his legs

no words were said as a sad look passed your eyes and you cupped his face, looking at him

‘youve grown so much, natsu. ma is sorry that she wasnt here to watch you grow. can you forgive me?’

natsu let out a confused sound and he placed his hands on top of yours from his face then quirked an eyebrow

‘ma, whats going on?’

he slowly asked

you continued to look through every feature of your son and grimaced slightly as his father’s stood out much more than you thought

‘come. lets eat while we talk’

dinner was tense

it was more of the tension coming from you and natsu being so worried and confused that he couldnt even eat his favorite

suddenly, he slammed his chopsticks to the table, fed up with the silence and genuinely worried by your behavior

‘ma, tell me whats wrong’

you winced and swallowed before shakingly placing your own utensils down and looking at a stain on the table from when he was 5 and accidentally spilled dye from his tye-dye activity

‘natsu, i,,,’

you drifted off but he gestured for you to continue

‘first off,,, i want you to know that i love you and that i only want what’s best for you. second,,, i hope you will go through with this because i,,, dont want you to bear this,,, this grudge for the rest of your life’

‘am i adopted?’

he demanded but you looked at him in shock

‘what? no! we literally have the same hair color and eyes, dumpling!’

then he let out a relieved sigh

‘thats the worst thing i thought of so i feel better now. come on, hit me’

you chuckled but went back to talking

‘your father,,, wants to meet you’

nope, that was actually the worst thing he heard

‘father? what, father?’

he couldnt stop the venom that dripped from his words and you flinched because you knew he would act like this

‘we bumped into each other at the airport,,,, he told me about,,, wanting to meet,, you’

you mumbled, now concentrating at your laced fingers

‘well, you can tell him to fck off because the feeling’s not mutual’

natsu growled then continued shoveling down his rice but you reached out and softly placed a hand on his arm and sent him a pleading look

‘darling, i-,,, i dont want to do this either. but this hatred for him-your anger- i dont want you to live with this! this might not show now but it will affect you in the future with a-a future family! he will drag you down but if you just--- just talk to him once! just once-’

natsu banged a fist on the table and you gasped at the sudden sound

‘HE WANTED YOU TO KILL ME’

he shouted, anger and rage reeking from his spot across you

‘HE LEFT YOU TO FEND FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE HE WAS TOO MUCH OF A DAMN COWARD TO OWN UP TO A CHILD HE HELPED MAKE. OH SO WHAT- ALL BECAUSE HE JUST WANTED TO SCREW? A FUN TIME THEN THROW YOU-US- AWAY? NAH, MA, WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO MEET SOMEONE WHO NEVER WANTED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE?’

you gulped because right now, you were able to see the similarity to his father

‘he just wants to see you-to talk to you’

‘BUT WHAT ABOUT ME? I DONT WANT TO SEE HIS FCKING FACE BECAUSE IF I DO, I MIGHT PLUMMET HIM TO THE GROUND’

‘natsu, please stop yelling at me’

you pleaded and he stared at you angrily but turned his gaze back to the chicken bites

‘every thought of him makes me angry so if i see him, i will lose every control i have. hes nothing but a stranger to me-wait, no, hes like dirt that deserves nothing but bad luck to come his way. its either he wanted me or cant have me. and he chose wrong so hes going to have live with it for the rest of his life and pretend i dont even exist. and thats that’

you ran your hands on your face then closed your eyes

‘natsu, you dont understand, we-- we were children! i was still a student! we didnt know,, we didnt know anything about babies! i-i feel like shite because i brought upon this rage in you towards him, your father! i want to make things right! to make peace!’

��DO YOU THINK I NEVER SAW THE TIMES YOU SAT ON THIS SAME FCKING TABLE, LOOKING AT THE BANK ACCOUNT AND CRYING BECAUSE WE WOULDNT HAVE ENOUGH FOR FOOD TOMORROW? OR-OR WHEN YOU BEGGED-BEGGED- YOUR BOSS FOR MORE SHIFTS SO YOU COULD MAINTAIN A ROOF OVER OUR HEAD? YOU THINK I DONT SEE THAT SHITE?! BECAUSE I DO! I SEE IT AND IT STILL GIVES ME NIGHTMARES TO THIS DAY BECAUSE I COULDNT DO ANYTHING TO HELP YOU! I JUST SAT THERE AND LET YOU SUFFER IN SECRET BECAUSE I WAS JUST A CHILD! AND DO YOU KNOW WHO’S AT FAULT WITH ALL OF THIS?! HIM! HES THE REASON WHY YOU SHED EVERY BLOOD, EVERY SWEAT, AND EVERY TEAR! ITS BECAUSE OF HIM I NEVER SEE YOU BECAUSE YOURE BUSTING YOUR ASS AT WORK FOR ME! ITS BECAUSE OF HIM THAT I PLAY LIKE MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT SO I CAN BE SCOUTED AND EARN MONEY FOR US IN THE FUTURE! HIM! ALL HIM!’

angry tears were falling down his face and you stood up to hold him but he shot up

‘natsu-baby-please calm-’

‘WHO DOES THAT TO A CHILD’

his voice cracked and he hiccuped

‘IT DIGUSTS ME THAT I SHARE THE SAME BLOOD AS HIM AND I AM MADE WITH 50% OF HIM! AND I SEE THAT LOOK IN YOUR EYES BECAUSE I REMIND YOU OF HIM, DONT I? I HATE THAT! HE DID THAT TO YOU!’

you held on to him and tried to tell him to calm down because you knew how distructive he could be

‘I HATE HIM. AND I CANT BELIEVE YOURE TRYING TO CONVINCE ME TO SEE HIM. HOW COULD YOU’

maybe it mustve been the stress from midterms and the competitions but his heart was hammering and he could see nothing but red and feel nothing else but anger running through his veins

‘no, dumpling, youre misunderstanding because i-’

but he swatted your hand away, eyes staring at his shoes

‘i need to get away right now. just- i’ll be at katsuki’s house. dinner was good so thanks’

he mumbled and rushed to the hallway, picking up his gym bag and quickly slipping on his shoes

you ran to the door and held on to him

‘natsu we can talk this out! please! dont go! just stay-’

he shut his eyes to calm himself down before turning and giving you a soft kiss on your forehead

‘ill be back tomorrow. just let me go blow off some steam, kay, ma?’

but he didnt even give you an answer because he was already out the door

the walk from his apartment complex to katsuki’s house should’ve only taken nearly 10 minutes but he was so pre-occupied and distracted that he ended up missing the turns and ended up in an unfamiliar street

based on his surroundings, he was in the city but he remained his gaze on his shoes, just walking and walking, not stopping

this caused him to miss the stoplight and he was the only person who continued walking, the shouts and yells from the pedestrians falling deaf on his ears

but it finally opened up with a loud honking and a bright light that made him freeze in shock until it collided with him, sending him flying and falling unconscious

---

natsu groaned, not because of the pain but because of the bright light

‘oh god, i died and im going to the light’

he mumbled but a frantic shout made his eyes fully open up

‘NO DONT GO TO THE LIGHT! OH GOD! I JUST KILLED SOMEONE!’

natsu turned to the direction of the voice and he jumped then rolled over to get away but indeed, the pain from the collision stopped him

‘ugh’

he groaned and winced

‘hey, hey, you okay?’

the high-pitched voice asked and natsu raised his head to see the boy with orange hair kneeled down in front of him and hands hovering over him

‘i feel,,, ugh’

natsu sniffed and the boy helped him sit up so he could fully look around

‘where am i?’

he asked and the boy shuffled to kneel down beside him

‘japan. sendai. oh, im hinata shoyo by the way! so sorry i hit you with my bike!’

but natsu’s jaw dropped

‘hinata,,, shoyo?’

his eyes widened and he completely forgot about the pain as he stood on his feet, pointing at the tangerine

‘OLYMPICS!’

he shouted and he was getting scared, eyes drifting to everywhere and pacing in circles

‘did i,,,, no, that doesnt happen. damn izuku wouldnt shut up about doctor who. its not possible, just not! right?!’

hinata was now panicked and thought he really messed up the guy in the head because the h/c boy was now walking in circles, murmuring angrily, and face switching expressions every millisecond

‘oh my god, i need to take you to the hospital! i messed you up!’

hinata frantically grabbed his phone but natsu jumped and grabbed the device

‘no. no, its fine. i just-,,,, i dont remember anything’

natsu played and hinata’s eyes got even wider

‘OH MY GOD I REALLY DID SOMETHING WORSE!’

but natsu placed his hands on his idol’s shoulders to calm him down

‘no hospital, no needles, no medics. just,,, call your emergency contact or something’

it was quite funny that the victim had to console the cause of the accident but hinata nonetheless complied and hit the call button

‘your mom?’

natsu asked but hinata shook his head

‘no. my team manager, l/n y/n. she’d know what to do’

but natsu’s brain exploded

‘l/n,,,, y/n?’

my ma?

oh god i really did mess up

this is going to be a whole mess and i can already feel it but yanno what? imma just go with the flow and go through with your guys’ thoughts and ideas so in a way, you can control (??) the story?? idk i really dont know what im doing but i just needed to put this into writing bc ive been thinking about it since i woke up. also, do you think i should write this in a headcanons way or normal writing way?

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aestheticsuwu · 4 years ago

Text

When Our Eyes Met

Robby Keene x Doug Rickenberger

A Huge thank you to @oceluna , for giving me the boost I needed to upload this new ship !

We are blessed for having this beautiful human (@oceluna ) being for giving us a part of their time to create wonderful LawRusso content and other ships !💖😊

( Binary Boyfriends + SamxMiguel + Lawrusso ) Part 3

.... ..... .....

He should've know having Sam and Demetri as friends would only cause him trouble . Now he's being forced on a date but he didn't even know who Hawk would set him up .

For all he knows Hawk would pick a random stranger , why did he think that life would go easy on him . He really can't catch a break , okay maybe he's exaggerating a little bit .

He thinks he's allowed to be dramatic , atleast they had already decided what Demetri was going to wear , black flannel shirt with a white shirt underneath and some skinny jeans .

Heading out to go home to change as well , but not before assuring Demetri that everything would turn out fine . Hawk was in love with Demetri ass and well , vice versa .

....

He went to the kitchen to grab something to drink , his dad was there serving a cup of juice . Quickly going to cupboard and handing over the glass to his dad .

" Me and Daniel are going to watch a movie later , order some pizza wanna join . "

" I would love to dad but I got a date . "

" is she hot ? "

" Is actually a blind date . "

" She's blind ? " His dad had a funny look as he was confused , Dad L came in laughing along with Robby .

" John the person isn't blind , it just means both people don't know what they look like . Robby be safe , i want the 3 of you back at 10 "

"you got it , dad . "

Hugging his Dad L , before leaving to go change .

Johnny makes sure the coast is clear before pining Daniel against the counter .

" Guess we're having the house to ourselves , I was thinking having you in nothing but my shirt -

" Laying down in bed , just waiting for you to join me "

" mhmm " The blonde puts his hand on Daniels ass , he really had the best ass . Daniel arms holds on to his neck , as he pulls him in more closer . He leans in to kiss him .

" for us to talk about our lovely deep emotions . "

Daniel laughs at the face the blond has , he couldn't help it . He gives kiss on the cheek before leaving , with Johnny behind him .

" You really know how to kill a boner , Bambi. "

..... ..... ...

One of the things he and his dad have in common was that they really didn't know how to receive compliments . Here he was blushing and not knowing what to say as Sam and Demetri kept talking .

" Damn Robby , lookin mighty fine ! . "

" So handsome and those jeans , right Demetri ? "

" Agreed that ass is out of this world . "

" Shut up ! "

He quickly shouted as he got to the front seat , He quickly look one last time in the mirror of the car , while waiting for Sam and Demetri to get in . Pep talks were thrown , mainly for Demetri . Arriving , looking through the open glass window , they could see Hawks purple Mohawk , Miguels waving , and a taller boy .

" Hey guys " Miguel came over as the other two stayed back . He stood next to Demetri to reassure him everything was alright . It looked like hawk and his friend were fighting , until the two quickly came over .

" Everything okay ? " Demetri questioned Hawk , gosh Hawk wasn't subtle about his feelings for his best friend with that stare or gaze whatever you want to call it .

" Yeah , perfect ! Robby this is Doug Rickenberger , Doug this is Robby Keene shall we go in . "

They both incline their heads to each other for acknowledgment. Doug was way taller than him and his broad shoulders didn't help Robbys height . He was wearing a Red shortsleve shirt , black jeans and some vans .

They were seated down, everyone was at the table with their individual date . The tables weren't together but enough distance where they all could hear each other . And it was awkward and quiet at first . Sam and Miguel tried to ease the moment , but it was clear him and Doug wish their were somewhere else but here .

It wasn't their first time seeing each other but their encounters were brief. He had seen the tall boy with Hawk before . Once in awhile he would go to his dad dojo , Doug must've seen him those few times .

Also sometimes his Dad and Daniel would do classes together , but usually he would stick with Myagi-Do students .

Sam and Miguel were already in a relationship , so they were having a blast and it seemed Demetri and Hawk were hitting it off . So Here he was making small talk every time it got to quiet .

" so you like karate ? " He internally just cringed at himself but hey he was trying . He guess it wasn't that bad by the chuckle of Doug

" Yeah , what's it like to have two dads - "

" There's no difference , their just parents . Just because their both dudes and i have a mom too "

" I was gonna say what's it like to have both parents that know karate . "

Guess he should've have left the other boy finish , it was just that some people still don't understand that times have changed .

" I'm sorry I got all defensive on you . "

He gave Doug a small smile hoping the latter wouldn't notice how embarrassed he felt .

" Its alright , uhh do you play any other sports maybe soccer . "

Nodding to the question but then realise he had to answer before the mood gets ruined again .

" uh yeah when I was little , haven't played recently actually . Do you ? "

" Yeah I'm on the soccer team . Maybe you should try out , I wouldn't mind having you on the team unless your not good as you are in karate . "

Doug finish with a teasing smirk and a raised eyebrow waiting for the blonde to answer .

" I like to let you know that I was the best player on my team when I was a kid , well that's what my dad and Mom said but I withstand my point . "

Both burst out laughing , and once the waitress come with their food their both smiling at each other .

If felt kinda nice , it was awhile Robby hadn't laughed and gone out with someone that wasn't his friends or his parents .

...... ....... ........ Doug Pov

Doug was friends with Hawk since he joined cobra kai , they would hanged out in School. After school he would go to the dojo or to soccer practice .

Today he was free and had nothing to do , so he easily accepted Hawks idea . But he wasn't expecting said date to be a boy and son of his Sensei.

He wasn't into guys ,but he didn't mind the idea of dating one but he's just never seem to find a guy he would date . Here he was standing in front of his date as Hawk introduces him .

Robby had green eyes and freckles across his cheeck and nose . Dark blond hair and a nice smile . He was short compared to his height , he wore a black shirt with blue jeans .

His brain came to a conclusion : Pretty boy

..... ...... ......

" Do you want get out of here ? "

" Like right now ? "

" Yeah "

The two couples were distracted as they both left the dinner . Grabbing a hoodie from their own car as quickly as they could . Who knows why but they started running without realising they were holding hands . Their laughter was left echoing behind them .

They stopped at the skate park as they got tired . There were few people skating there , he turned to look at Robby once he didn't feel his hand . He watched as he jogged back holding a skateboard .

" Do you know how to skate? "

Holding a skateboard felt unfamiliar to him , handing it back to Robby who was wearing a cheeky smile .

" No , I'm guessing you do . "

" I know a few things . "

He shouldve known by that cocky smile he was lying . He watched Robby do some amazing stuff , he even showed that one hand stand . Then it was his turn , he failed miserably all the times . He asked what was the secret , as he once again falls .

" Its all about balance "

Robby looked up at him as he answered him . He understood the answer , since Mr. Larusso karate did involve balance .

Noticing they were standing close , face to face . Maybe it was the way the moon and street light illuminate the blondes face . Or the way he was smiling at him that he said those words .

" is there something on my face ? "

" Sorry it's just I never knew a boy could be as beautiful as you ... "

Seeing the surprise look and the addition of the blush contrasting his tan skin made his beat faster . God when did he become such a girl . His thoughts are interrupted when Robby quickly steps back , misstep and hurts his ankle .

.... ..... .. ...

Arriving at the dinner place he could see their friends waiting for them at their cars . Holdding on tight to Robby thighs for he wouldn't fall of his back . Chuckling as the boy groans in embarrassment as the others start to come closer seeing their situation .

" Robby are you okay ? Where were you two , we were worried . ! "

" I'm alright Sam , Me and Doug went for a walk and I hurt my ankle , hence why Doug is giving me a piggyback ride . "

" Oh I thought you decided to climb him like a tree cause - "

" Demetri ! " Robby tightens his arms as he shouts to quiet his friend . walking to Sam's car he hears the blonde mumbling while his head nudging against his shoulder .

Meanwhile everyone were saying goodbye he helps Robby get in the car . As gently as he could , he was stopped when he was opening the door . The latter looked nervous as he looked at him while bitting his lip .

" I had a good time , we should do it sometime again if you want or not ? "

" Yeah definitely. I will text you now that I have your number . "

He was already a sucker for that smile that showed off his dimples . Smiling , he leans in to give a kiss on the cheeck but Robby stops him as the blonde leans to give him a quick peck on the mouth .

" Bye ! "

" Bye . " Walking back he couldn't help but look back and wave at the blonde when he catches his eye . shit , he was totally blushing now .

....... ...... ... Robby Pov .......

Sam and Demetri both entered asking questions if he was really fine or in pain . once he assured them that he was alright , Demetri took it as a sign to tease him .

" We want all the info , cause we totally saw you , you slutty marshmallow ! "

Sidenote : Part 3 of the triple date , hope you guys like it . Also what would the ship name be Roug or Dobby . I like Roug ! . Side mentions of Lawrusso because why not . This was supposed to be Apocalypse / Zombie au but this ^^ was made at the thought of a triple date with the binary boyfriends .

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ivyuns · 5 years ago

Text

violation❆♞♣

hwang hyunjin

genre: angst | bit of fluff

word count: 1.7k

warnings: swearing, mentions of guns, blood, death, pregnancy + not proof read oops lol

A/N: lol hyunjin kinda psycho in this

this was drowning in my drafts since may omg

masterlist

mafia!hyunjin x fembarista!reader

y/f/n = ur fiance’s name

you owned your own cafe in downtown seoul. your customers and employees were always great people and bought positivity around you. it was currently a busy day and everyone was in and out of the main entrance. the employees were trying their best to stay calm and keep a positivity mindset. you however, were distracted by the co-owner, hwang hyunjin.

hyunjin always seemed like that flirty but a suspicious type. everyone told you to stay away from him since you were little but how could you when you two were inseparable. it all started in kindergarten.

you were running around the classroom til your teacher yelled out “stop” and everyone looked at her. you saw a little boy. next to the teacher, waiting to be introduced. “hello kids, we have a new student! please introduce youself.” the teacher says.

“hi im sam hwang from korea. please take care of me” he says softly and hides. the teacher tells him theres nothing to be scared of and let him wonder around the classroom. you went up to him and introduced yourself. “hi sam! my name is y/n kwon. i’m also from korea!”. hyunjins head went up and eyes went big. “y-you’re from korea?!” he stuttered since he was lowkey excited that someone in his class was korean, just like him. you smiled and nodded your head. you grabbed his hand and dragged him to the playground to continue recess.

2 years later in summer, your best friend came over with his parents to tell these news. hyunjin came in your room with a sad smile as you were playing with your stuffed animals. you looked up and smiled at him, “hi hyunjin!” you said cheerfully, obviously in a better mood than him. “y/n, i need to tell you something” he said sadly. he went to go sit across of you and picked up some of the toys around your room.

“i’m moving back to korea.” you stopped your actions after hearing what he said. “moving? why?” you looked up at him. “m-my parents said it’s best for us to go back to korea because we only came here for my dad’s work, but he ended up leaving the job and now we’re going to go back” hyunjin looks up to see tears falling out of your eyes. he went to your side and hugged you, telling you that you’ll be spending quality time before he leaves.

after moving back to korea after years hyunjin left you, you opened your own cafe. as your shop was almost completed for the grand opening, hyunjin happened to pass by your shop. he looked through the window and saw a girl that looked so familiar to him.

knocking on the window to get your attention, you go the the door to unlock it and stick your head out of the window. “hyunjin?!” he looks at you with his eyes big. “y/n? what are you doing here?” hyunjin asks. “i recently moved here and now im starting a business” hyunjin nods his head.

“are you looking for any employees?” nodding your head. “yeah but i guess around this area, nobody wants to work at a cafe” you joked. “maybe i can help? i-i mean if you want to” hyunjin laughs. nodding your head, you lead him inside the cafe. hyunjin looks at your artwork and the nicely decorated shop, amazed.

handing a paper that has all the requirements and terms in order to start working here. after hyunjin was done signing it, you looked at the paper and gave him a thumbs up. “looks good! ill give you a call whenever we start” hyunjin nods his head and waves a goodbye to you.as hyunjin exits, he now knows where his target is.

2 hours earlier:

“hwang” chan calls out.

hyunjin looks up from his phone and sees chan carrying files. “remember that girl youd always talk about? kwon y/n? your childhood best friend back in america?” he nods. “apparently her dad is in a gang too and stole our money for whatever reason. so now your mission is to find her, bring her here, and kill her”

hyunjin gulps.‘why? did you do something wrong? what do you have to deal with this? does she know about this?’ all of hyunjins thoughts were about you. “ill do it”he knows he cant do it. but he has to or else he’ll be kicked out of stray kids. after moving back to korea and his parents suddenly passing, he was lonely. until stray kids saved him from being in the dark and invited him to their family. he gladly accepted.

hyunjin goes to his room and does research about you. he finds your instagram and sees that youre opening a cafe around the little area of downtown seoul which was a few hours away from his place. after enough of his little research, he grabs his jacket and heads out to find you.

present time:

the first week of the grand opening was a hassle. the cafe was always packed and made the employees feel stressed. as the cafe was almost settled, you told the workers to take a break as you and hyunjin will do everything else.

finishing an iced americano, you could see from the corner of your eyes and sees hyunjins strange actions. ignoring it, you gave the drink to the correct customer and continued making drinks.

closing time finally happened and everyone left out a huge sigh. having a group meeting, you gave everyone their weekly paycheck. “thank you everyone for working hard. i will see you tomorrow morning!” you waved goodbye and smiled. as soon as you saw almost everyone leave, you turned around and started cleaning.

hyunjin goes next to you and helps you clean the counters and machines. “jin, you know you can leave you know?” you told him as hyunjin lets out a chuckle. “nah its alright. plus as the second ceo, i shall help you” hyunjin winks. stopping your actions, you playfully smack hyunjin across his chest. “hey hey, im just joking. but still, after we finish cleaning, ill take you home” “but you said you have an exam tomorrow? shouldnt you be going home and start studying?” you asked. hyunjin nods his head, defeated. “alright you got me. i promise ill take you home another time” nodding your head, he goes and gets his belongings and leaves.

quickly cleaning the shop, you turn off all the lights and lock all of the doors. turning around to see the whole cafe in one point of view, a smile grew on your face. plugging your earphones in to walk home with your music blasting and texting your family group chat.

y/n: on my way home. the cafe was a success this week :)

mum <3: cheers to a successful opening

dad: come home safely, my son in law is waiting for you

smiling from the excitement, you started walking down the street to get to your house. as you entered this street, it was dark with the moonlight shining. feeling someone following you, you turned around and saw nobody. pulling up hyunjins contact on your phone just in case something happened, you continued walking in a fast pace, turning the volume down.

feeling the same aura from before, you quickly pressed the call button but you heard the familiar ringtone.

“sleep tight princess”

you wake up feeling sore and lost of warmth. opening your eyes, youre in a room thats filled with drywalls and a hwang hyunjin to your left, sitting on a chair. “h-hyunjin?” you called out his name. he looks up from your phone after reading every conversation you had that was about him. “the princess has finally awoken from her slumber” hyunjin smirks.

hyunjin gets off of the chair and goes by your side, lifting your chin up. trying to protest only to be stopped as you felt your limbs tied up. “now now princess, no need to get feisty” hyunjin laughs. “what the fuck do you want hyunjin” “hmm? you really dont know?” shaking your head, hyunjin gets up and walks around the room.

“so, youre saying you dont know what your dad has been doing? the fact that he stole money from me just to help you other with the small disgusting shop of yours?” it hurt. both you and hyunjin. hyunjin wanted to give his mission up and hug you, wipe your tears away and apologize. you were more than hurt. more like angry. hyunjin knew you wanted a cafe when you grew up and he supported you more than anything.

“the fuck are you talking about? youre assuming that my dad stole money from you? from what information is getting in that head of yours?” you shouted out. hyunjin grabs his gun and clicks it. you hear the click and your attention is immediately on hyunjin. “h-hyunjin whatever youre wanting to do, put the gun down first” hyunjin closes his eyes as he feels fresh tears escaping and shakes his head.

“hwang hyunjin! do you not know what youre about to do? tell me what you want from us. we’ll give you your money back- anything just dont pull it-” you stopped talking as soon as you see him point the gun at you. “please hyunjin dont. im pregnant-”

he pulled the trigger.

everyone in the house heard the gun go off and goes to the basement. stopping as they heard hyunjins sobs, they see him on his knees, holding your bloody body and cries into your hair.

chan goes to hyunjin and pats him on the back. “you finally did it hwang”

as hyunjin takes his seat during your funeral, he sees your family and y/f/n go up the stage. after each family member said what they had to say about you and your death, as well as your unborn baby, everybody was now crying their eyes out. “my sunshine. thank you for everyone you love feel happy and we are deeply happy that you were able to start your own business. with the past events, i shouldve came by and picked you up from work before i lost both you and our child. without your presence, nothing will bring a smile onto my face. i love you so much kwon y/n, and i hope you fly high with our baby girl”

lowering your casket down, everyone leaned on each other, crying after they realized the kwon y/n has suddenly passed for an unknown reason at a young age. hyunjin just leaned on a pole and cried. looking up in the sky, he see something that had a little smile form on his face.

‘you’ll be next, hwang’

hyunjin gets into reality and turns around to see who whispered to him. seeing nobody, hyunjins future is now crumbling.

END <3

tf is the end 🥴

#stray kids hyunjin #stray kids angst #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin angst #skz angst #stray kids #jyp skz #jyp stray kids #stray kids fluff #skz fluff #kpop angst #kpop #angst #fluff #amoreskz

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wastelandlovingscenarios · 5 years ago

Note

kiss prompt #25 with crushing nb!sole and maxson? (sorry if this one is outta left field, I just like maxson qkdknekdkwnf)

i haven’t written maxson in a minute but damn do i miss writing him. (y’all should def request him more!) this turned out a lot longer than expected.

please enjoy!

kiss prompt #25: .. as a yes

Maxson:

every inch of his body regretted his decision, his choice to allow sole, the only person he’s cared about since stepping foot in the commonwealth, to lead a dangerous mission he couldnt partake in. he shouldve said no, wanted to deny the idea of them risking themselves just to complete a mission but much to his distress, he had no reason to do so. the only reason being left unspoken from his lips in fear of rejection and abandonment.

he remembers speaking to cade about it briefly, only allowing himself to show his vulnerability for a single moment and pulled away just as fast. but cade isn’t oblivious and stupid as the average wastelander, and maxson knows that. cause case knows in the end, maxson can deny, argue, and build boundaries around the words that spilled from his mouth but god knows he’s not able to take it back, even if he tries to beat it out of his officer.

he tried to excuse himself from the room as quick as he could but the words that left cades mouth before he could struck maxson in a way he didn’t favor. it left a bitter taste on his tongue and his heart had never dropped faster.

“everydays not promised, elder. though i’m sure we both know that by now.”

and he was no stranger to that phrase, often seeing people come and go during his lifetime. whether it was in terms of them coming back alive, dead, or not coming back at all, he still experienced it and it was a part of his everyday life. yet, the thought of his precious sole being one of those victims who’d succumb into those circumstance left him feeling sick and absolutely terrified. despite the dreading feeling haunting his mind, he bit back any signs that could express his worry and replaced it with his usual stoic and strict attitude.

maxson knew he had to confront them about it, so he had ordered one of his officers to fetch sole as soon as possible, regardless of the tasks they were doing. the sleepless nights and endless thoughts were eating him up inside and he couldn’t take it any longer.

a knock on the door cut him off from his thoughts and he sat up in his seat, straightening his coat. folding his hands together on the table, he let out a small cough, “come in.”

soles quietly entered the office, smiling shyly at the man in front of him and carefully closed the door to prevent making any unnecessary noise. it showed their politeness and consideration- that’s one of the many things he loved about them. “you requested for me, elder?”

he nodded, his eyes never leaving their form. “yes, i have.” for a moment, it stays silent. they both stare at each other without a word and with eyes searching for answers, both for different reasons. it doesn’t last long as sole lets out a confused hum, an embarrassed flush painting their cheeks at his hard stare.

“i apolgize, elder, but is.. is there a reason why you called me up here?”

a reason, he thinks. there is no reason. was it cause he wanted to see them? hear their voice? maybe even comfort sole before they departed? ... perhaps it was the idea that he needed comforting in the end. his mouth goes dry at this realization and his heart speed picks up but he brushes it off, simply standing from his seat to make his way towards sole.

they remained at attention, watching as maxson stopped in his tracks to face sole at a reasonable distance. “to call you up here without reason would be foolish of me,” he commented, “i simply needed an update about where you stand with the mission.”

they paused for a moment, silently thinking to themselves before properly responding. “its still a go, elder. i wouldn’t want to back down now that everything is moving.”

he wanted to call it off, send someone else to do it but knew deep down that sole was the only soldier capable of leading such a duty. “excellent. i hope everything is prepared and in place. if not, it’s best to inform me right now to prevent any possible issues.”

sole shook their head and sent him a smile. “not at all. i believe everything is set according to plan and will run smoothly.”

“that is all i needed to know, you’re dismissed. ad victoriam.” his mind screamed at him for not saying what he wanted and he could feel the dull ache in his chest bloom with every second he wasted. he needed to say something, he needed to do something, anything.

sole smiled at him one last time before saluting in acknowledgment. “goodnight, elder.” his heart began to beat out of his ears, seeing sole turn their heel to exit his quarters and he became paralyzed in panic as cades words replayed in his mind.

“everydays not promised, elder. though i’m sure we both know that by now.”

and that was more than enough to push him over the edge, his emotions ultimately taking over him in the end. he darted forward a little too quickly, lightly grabbing their wrist in an attempt to stop them. “sole, wait.”

the stunned look on soles face as they looked over their shoulder at him brought a flush to his cheeks. he had never used their name in such an unprofessional manner and found himself growing surprise at his odd behavior. “will-“ he swallowed, trying to force the words out. no, he needed to do it or it’ll just fuck him up all over again. “will you be okay?” it came out as a worried whisper and sole noticed this.

“elder?” they turned their body to face maxson with a confused expression. their face was flushed at the sudden contact but he did not pull away, not even for a second. he was afraid, afraid that if he released his grip, they’d be gone within seconds. run out that door, never to be seen again. before another word could escape, he grew closer to them, his hands trembling.

“promise me,” his words shook with fear and sole expression softened at the rare sight of his usual tough exterior breaking down right in front of them, “you have to promise me you’ll make it back.”

no, fuck that. he needed a confirmation that it’ll happen no matter what, even if the world was crashing down on them. “i take it back. it’s not a request, it’s an order.” he stated, composing himself a little better this time around, “i don’t care what you have to do to get it done, just please make sure you come back safe and as unharmed as possible, okay?”

he expected every answer; a denial, a word of uncertainty, and hopefully a promise or a simple yes, but what he didn’t expect was for sole to take a step forward, placing their lips on his without another word. the grip on their wrist slowly loosened in astonishment as he looked down at them, not processing the moment for a few seconds. the minute he felt their hand lightly tug on his sleeve, he closed his eyes, kissing them back passionately and desperately, his hands finding their waist and resting it there.

he wouldn’t realize how out of breath he’d be until sole pulled away with a heavy blush and a shy smile. it would take him a few moments to ground himself completely, a dazed expression on his face as sole kept close, their arm still resting on his bicep.

“i’m sure that answered your question.” they reassured, putting distance between them. oh how bad he wanted to pull sole back against his body and recreate that moment. instead, he pulled himself together and stood straight with his arms behind his back, sending sole a form nod. this was more than what he had bargained for but it brought him a great deal of comfort, so who was he to complain? his cheeks stayed flushed but his voice was unwavered, a small smile finding its way to his lips.

“i trust that you will follow your orders.” he remarked with soft eyes, “ad victoriam.”

sole saluted once more, turning their heel to go back to their own quarters. “goodnight, elder maxson.” they smiled at him one last time before shutting the door completely.

maxson fought every muscle in his body to not take them into his arms, protect them from the dangers in this chaotic world but he did so, making his way back to his desk. for now, he could wait until the day they returned and the moment they step foot back in the prydwen? he’ll be sure to return their feelings properly.

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