#i feel like i say it every time but im like sooooo pissed that completing the monster slayer goals has NO FANFARE AT ALL?

[venomgender]

nothing else fucking matters im never playing this game again

[chjroptera]

Would love to see your ideal dsmp/cquackity/ckarlnapity/ctntduo ending + post dsmp if you have one... I’ve missed ur cksq posting soooo much I loved ur twt back in the day but stopped keeping up late 2021 when I fell out of dsmp 😔

a little long so it’s all after the cut

my ideal ksq ending would’ve been csap and cQ somehow learning about the time traveling bullshit and working together to get their karl back plus reconcile and las nevadas wedding, quick and easy the way they all wanted it <3 honestly i’m fine with karl and sap not joining las nevadas or Q joining kinoko because it’s not their style, kinoko las nevadas alliance was literally my only want ever

i wish c wilbur wasn’t offed so carelessly i literally don’t care what anyone says about it being truman-esque wilbur is genuinely just a shit writer and only did that so he didn’t have to bother with the server anymore, dsmps ending as a whole was so ass and i’m forever pissed that karl essentially had to cancel everything he had planned with tales, rewrite the comics, waste the intro, never follow up on soulmate theory (☠️)

my tntduo ending would have to be wilbur completely admitting he sees takes cQ seriously and leaving him tf alone LOL the whole crux of their relationship is based around them both being crazy ass leaders and their mutual envy. People (including myself) just believed wilbur saying Q was the yin to his yang as fact when i think they’re more like different sides of the same coin. wilbur always insists he created/inspired quackity, when in reality it goes both ways. “healthy competition” and all. im hella tired and ill probably elaborate on this more tomorrow but essentially every tntduo conversation feels like a game and i would want their conclusion to be quackity winning, like he completely outclasses wilbur and makes him understand he isn’t the center of the universe (literally)

i haven’t watched hitting on 16 since it dropped so i should probably revisit it, i believe that’s what people consider the unofficial “tntduo finale”?

my ideal c quackity ending is similar to what he got, opening las nevadas being super rich and successful, add in the fiances and having some leads to what happened to slime and then he finds the one piece

and dude i miss my old twitter so bad i regret deactivating it everyday 😭 i think people here will be a little shocked how im acting now because i was sooooo normal on tumblr where i was literally boxing someone on twitter every other day for like no reason #karlnapitys angels bro

[cawcawbak]

I love it when people say that Ganondorf can't be complex and they're happy to swallow the one-dimensional totk version of Ganondorf who is evil for the sake of being evil, just like when they mindlessly go eat at McDonald's without thinking about what they're eating (I love going to McDonald's btw but I know it's shit).

WW Ganondorf is proof that Nintendo is capable of making the character interesting without excusing his actions or making him a good guy. In just five sentences, he has made a big impact on us and changed our perception of the character. And his wish was actually to rule over Hyrule and "expose this land to the ray of the sun" rather than EteRnAL DarKNeSs like a fucking edgelord (I will NEVER take seriously a villain who wants darkneeeeessss™ unless some exception)

The most interesting debates I've read are on Tumblr. On other social media, either people constantly thirst after Ganondorf's appearance (which I understand lol), or they mock those who try to initiate a discussion and express a critical opinion about the game and the character.

As a fan of Ganondorf, I am disappointed with how he was treated in the game. No one in Hyrule knows him except for a few, and everyone doesn't care that their world is on the verge of being destroyed by the demon king. He is mostly present and imposing during the cutscenes, but in the present, we only see him two or three times as a mummy before the final battle (although the mummy version is pretty cool). He is more bland than OOT Ganondorf, and I find it incredible that in 2023 they were capable of doing something lazier than a grotesque 90s caricature (I love OOT but his chara design makes me feel uneasy)

Was it really that difficult for Nintendo to take inspiration from Wind Waker Ganondorf? And don't give me the excuse of "yes, but in WW he had time to reflect on his actions because he was defeated and sealed by Link and Zelda" because here it's a different Ganondorf and he could have very well reflected in his hole while we were torturing koroks wondering around Hyrule.

His relationship with the Gerudos is completely off. There is no justification for his people turning against him when they were loyal to him before he obtained the secret stone (please don't give me the argument of "but because he became the demon king" it's dumb). I hope that'd be explored further in a potential DLC

At least the final battle is sooooo great! But I think he's too hot and not scary enough because of that but anyway.

WELL, that was just my rant. I still LOVE Ganondorf, I love every Ganondorf. But seeing people belittle those who try to talk about how they feel about the game and pull arguments like "But Ganondorf is 100% evil" or "Those who think Ganondorf is redeemable are the ones he's gonna manipulate lololol im so MuCh smArtEr thAN ya" just piss me off (I really can't stand the last ""argument"" it's just proof that those who said that don't understand anything to the debate)

[spiteless-xo]

Hi! The last ask about looking to your writing for inspo had me thinking how do you manage the dialogue to writing background and emotions ratio? When I’m writing I feel like my weakness is dialogue and I get too caught up in descriptive writing rather than using the dialogue to move the story along and I worry it can be burdensome to read. I also feel like I struggle with over explaining every detail in a story to make it comprehensive and I wanted to know how you deal with that since TBAW deals with accounting stuff that not much people would know about so how do you cut back and make sure you don’t over explain if that makes sense?

oooo thank you for the question!!

long response below the cut -- i hope this answered your question? sorry if i was rambly!

also check out the 2023 summer cringefest writing challenge!! cool opportunity to just let go and have fun with your writing instead of trying to make a masterpiece

this is going to sound so stupid, but in my early days of writing, i used to over-describe things because i wanted the scene to look exactly the same way as it did in my head. with one fic that i was writing, one of the characters was eating a piece of cheese. literally, for no reason, i just thought it would be weird if he was just sitting there, so i gave him a piece of cheese to munch on.

IMMEDIATELY, in the comments, people were like "why is x eating cheese? what does that mean?" because i mentioned it so many times and i was like oh shit, because it doesn't mean anything!!!

that was sooooo embarrassing for me that now i only write what's important in a scene because that piece of cheese haunts me 💀💀💀

in all seriousness, readers are very perceptive and they can fill in the scene even if you don't describe every single detail. it can be hard to determine what's "important" in a scene, and that's still something i struggle with, but i try to stick to:

change in tone - if someone's having a normal conversation but the other person pisses them off, I'll say like "Jean snapped" or "Eren hissed" or w/e 💀 otherwise i like to stick to "said/says" because it doesn't interrupt the flow of reading.

body language/movement - instead of saying "Jean was angry" to set the scene, i could describe instead how he "clenched his fists down at his side and you could see the muscle in his jaw twitching" or smthn like that.

internal dialogue - sometimes I'll "pause" dialogue so a character can have an internal crisis, but i try to keep it short -- or if not, I'll have the other character comment on the long pause 💀 "snapping you out of your thoughts" type thing.

dialogue is fun because i think you can convey a lot through conversation. like the pauses in conversation, what words people use when they're talking, or what they decide to share. dialogue sets the scene just as much as emotions and descriptors do, in my opinion.

(also, lowkey writing physical scenes like smut/fighting/kissing really helps with this??? i think it's because you have to keep track of the character's body parts/clothes while also moving forward the dialogue and also not getting lost in the details? idk maybe it's just me 💀)

in terms of over-explaining in relation to the accounting stuff in tbaw..... honestly, i just try to give the bare minimum information necessary to the story.

i could ramble for pages about what the characters are doing, but it's not really important to know that reiner and reader are doing detail testing on the client's expense accounts to confirm completeness, accuracy, etc. ete. 💀 so i strip away the technical details and just say that they're looking at invoices -- because really, that's all you need to know to understand that they're working.

i actually worry that im not giving enough information, sometimes. like when i talk about queries and review notes, i worry that people don't understand what that means, but i hope with context they can get a general idea.

idk i'm still pretty new to writing too! it helps to read other peoples work and see how they do things to help improve your own writing!! not just fanfiction, but published books too.

i like to read YA/NA novels to help improve my writing. i know that genre gets a lot of flack for being too "simple" or "easy reads" or whatever, but i don't think that's a bad thing??? i'm not trying to write the next game of thrones, i'm just looking to write a little love story about some of my favourite anime boys, so i like keeping it simple.

HOWEVER, some people like writing with more descriptors or using more complex language, and there's nothing wrong with that either! at the end of the day, i think that you should write for yourself the way that you like stories to be written.

if you like scenes to be described to the minute detail, do it! if you want to get into the nitty gritty about accounting, write it!!

writing is my fun little hobby so i try not to stress about perfection too much. i know that's easier said than done, but you're your own worst critic so i guarantee even if you think something is too burdensome to read, someone else out there is eating up every single word!!

[cutemoniic]

a not so friendly reminder, because im pissed off as hell, that i keep a lot of stuff quiet to avoid ooc drama and stress. this is NOT one of these occasions, because i shut up about it for far too long. the person who is involved actually thinks that theyre getting off scotts free, but hoho and fucking HO theyre not.

i have despised those who played sweethearts, then revealed themselves as addicted to ic/ooc/whatever drama if it gave their muse(s) the spotlight, impulsivity and not really thinking about ic consequences over ooc and vice versa thus possibly harming their rp partners and the shared trust they have, those who only made their muses bond with fucking traumas because its the easiest way to both get attention and 'develope their character' (spoiler; its not!) and with people i cared about that revealed themselves as completely unwilling to take blame for anything that they caused unless it was to gather pity points and try to trick the other person in dropping it due to feeling bad for them waa waa waa. oh, and it includes trashtalking or making up sudden problems about other people who are supposedly close to them because its the easiest way to gather, you guessed it, attentions and pity points! its easier to blame things on people than to look at ourselves and say ''hey, maybe i am the problem, i should work on that...'' and while i can understand that you may not have the correct help network or even the meanings to help yourself, its very hard. but the moment you start hurting people, its when your mind should be dead set in getting actual fucking help. with ANY means necessary. bull-fucking-doze through everything just to get help.

the problem in this is that you promised me to try and change, or fuck off from our lives forever, which is a very convenient alternative of saying ''i do not intent in changing how i behave ever so ill leave you alone''. to quit rp because it was harming your mental health with various drama, and you said that ''you were plenty pissed at yourself'' for ''letting this happen'', when in reality you could have changed it around with a bit of spine put into it, but all the sweet words of support me and others gave to you were better than try and forcing yourself in an uncomfortable position of struggling to change and improve yourself. guess what you did? you never stopped rping. you took some days off cowering to see if there was gonna be backlash, then noticed that we werent going to call you the fuck out for your behavior, and went back to it immediately with 0 remorse, keeping the stuff our muses gifted you because we did not stopped you or told you anything about it so hey a loophole to exploit for muse purposes! it didnt mattered that another person was hurt by the fact that you were finicky and kept making up excuses to keep your muse in a cute uwu relationship as long as you had what you wanted and you could get yourself out of trouble by squeezing out a few tears. im very convinced that you only kept it around to have an excuse to have other relationship, so as soon as you got your #1 prize nothing else mattered to you, but you ALSO wanted that. for your impulsivity, you put muses and muns through uncomfortable, VERY alarming scenarios just to fullfill your need for your muse to be at the center of a fucked up show, and when confronted about it, you would pull the guilt trip card. im over that.

and not only this shitshow, you conveniently retconnected our muses from yours too, instead of addressing the situation properly or giving me more of a ''im sorry i suck sooooo FUCKING MUCH ill go now forget about me since im trash and please beat me to death on the way out''! you received 0 consequences for what you did, so you basked into it and ran like the wind back to what you were doing without a care that you hurt people who cared about you. you were ''still allowed'' to do things, making your final and victimistic speech to me completely and utter horse shit. you lied to me in your intentions because it got me off your back faster, despite me not being even remotely aggressive despite being pissed, but you never had any intentions of bettering yourself. it takes too much work, too many opportunities of attention wasted, so why actually sticking to it? you were deeply overwhelmed each time a muse was into drama, or better, when one of your muses wasnt at the center of attention, while stuffing your own muses FULL OF IT. FULL. OF. IT. i swear to fuck, i have never seen more drama filled muses than yours, and thats NOT a compliment or how a muse should even remotely be. a muse shouldnt be characterized by traumas and have them coddled and cuddled at every step if you want to bond with them. oh, and therapy for your muses to ACTUALLY solve their issues was a long, drawn out attention-filled endless journey that you forced my muse into, but the second someone else that you cared more about suggested it, you made your muse jumped over it like willy the fucking coyote would jump on beep beep, fully knowing that it would have appeared on our dashboards, since you were still following us and unfollowed me shortly after i unfollowed your muses. in case youre wondering, THIS THING was my breaking point. you are addicted to ic and ooc attentions both, and you feel no need to be better about anything until you can get what you want or need. this is entirely fucking malicious, and i cant stand it.

i dont have any other words for you, except that i could still very well give you an ample dose of backlash by simply going back into our chat, copy what you said about certaint people and how much ''trouble'' they were giving you, and paste it to them with no explanations. because, yknow, thanks to your inability of solving simple problems and blowing them WAY out of proportion to get sympathy out of it in hope to get peoples mind off other bigger problems, maybe caused me to misjudge some people who were probably clueless about ''what they were causing you'', because ooc communication is a thing from another planet, yeah? despite me actually CHEERLEADING you the fuck on to talk to them about the troubles you had with them, it never happened. im personally a very screenshott-y person in cases this shit happens. so no use going back and editing or even deleting the messages. i got what i needed already.

i know who i am speaking about. i will not name any names because i wanted this, originally, to stay quiet since it seemed ''solved'', but i know that this shit will reach them, and they will of course do absolutely nothing because of the reasons i listed upwards. maybe whine and moan and play victim as usual, probably trashtalk me around or twist the narrative instead of yknow trying to fix stuff. which i dont expect them to do, which they have NEVER done until they had no other way to receive attentions or to slip out of a situation, yadda yadda yadda. peace the fuck out. im done with this bullshit.

[losangelesvalorant]

final thoughts on games today:

Tl;dr: london is going to have Issues with a capital I, paris is fine and will be better w hanbin, boston were okay and them losing just solidifies how fucking scary and well-oiled nyxl is rather than boston being terrible. Titans, like usual, have no respect for their opponents and could be even scarier /if/ they wanted to be, valiant pops off sometimes but cant do it consistently, shock looks rusty and dallas needs to pocket decay even harder than they already are to win games.

london: i see a lot of potential in them, but until they gain confidence they’re c tier for me. They seem overcoached and lost when they aren’t unable to go through with their set plays, of which they way too many for each map. When they were able to play their game, they cycled their ults well, but were easily forced out of their comfort zone. Bernar tried his best to carry, but jmac looked lost and wasn’t able to bait nicodgh’s walls at all, that might be a problem w coordination w sanguinar for speedboost tho. babel wasn’t quick enough to get his walls out in time, though they were great when he did. Glister and highly tried their best, sanguinar seems to play very individualistically which gave london chances, but fdgod just outplayed him mostly. Once teams figure out how to play vs them they’re fucked unless the coaches move away from set plays and unless the team builds more confidence. This team is going to suffer with hero pools if they don’t fix something quick. London honestly and truly has a TON of potential, but not the coordination or confidence or coaching to utilize it.

paris: they’re gonna be scary as they get more coordinated! Can’t wait til they can run at full strength w better tanks. They made good adaptations and looked good doing it. Nicodgh’s walls were sick, nosmite looked great, fdgod is a fragger, xzi clicked heads and greyy and hyp did good too. Benbest i didnt watch. I really like what i see with this team, but we haven’t seen them at full strength so i dont feel like i have much to say about them. Definitely a dark horse for me. They should thrive with hero pools. 

nyxl: nyxl looks as dominant as ever. They’re coordinated, smart, aware, turn impossible situations around, and quickly shut down every win condition boston had before they could even execute it. Though whoru’s mei is def the weak link for me (his walls kinda suck. I think theyre just giving him stage experience here tbh. His genji slaps tho), him and sbb/nenne are a scary duo, everything that can be said abt jjonak and anamo has been said already (They are the best. They are the best. They are the best.), and mano and hotba are both doing excellently. I dont feel that this is their optimal meta, but nyxl has showed a lot of willingness to adapt to their opponents and make swaps, which i like. I’m not worried for them in hero pools, though they might stumble a bit. They’re solidly in S tier for me now

boston: This is gonna be controversial (and take this w a grain of salt cuz im plat.) but boston played better than i expected cuz im a pessimist and was expecting them to get completely rolled, and they at least showed some signs of life. They’ve clearly scrimmed a lot of different comps and looked at least vaguely competent in them, which is more than dallas valiant and london can say. They tried to go for a lot of clutches which never rly worked. they tried to adapt, but nyxl outmatched them and kinda drove them away. Axxiom and fusions were coordinated and i liked their dive, their double shield not so much. boston dps were holding their own, swimmer and myunbong were too, there’s not rly a carry on this team. axxiom i think is being slept on tho. They could definitely kite better and coordinate more, and make faster/smarter swaps, but they at least looked pretty synergized. They were clearly outmatched but they def looked better throughout the whole series than london did vs nyxl after the first 2 maps. Boston seems like a B- tier team to me, but they could be better and i do want to see them play more before im certain abt this. I’d call this a quality loss despite the scoreline

vancouver: Titans clearly didn’t prep much for this match and didn’t respect valiant as much as they should have. There’s no weak points on this team, just that all of them went for clutches they shouldn’t have and got punished for it bc they assumed valiant would be weaker than they were. Titans hate being methodical but are great when they are. When they subbed stitch in, they went for more dumb plays it seemed like, so i bet sms is the one keeping them chill. Fissure’s playing bumper style (taking space and dying for it) but quieter, which I like, bc it means they can pocket haksal harder and let twilight go for more plays. Good adaptations, great plays, great synergy, once titans got their feet under them and downloaded valiant it was over. Their dive was soooo clean. Nothing to be said about this roster that hasnt been said already (theyre the best). This is classic titans and im glad to see losing bumper hasnt completely stopped them from doing dumb shit, cuz even if it hurts me to watch its fun. They should be absolutely fine with hero pools, S tier.

valiant: Valiant only have one comp and theyre Very good at it, especially in the mirror, but theyre having trouble adapting to titans. They have very high highs and very low lows, they also try to clutch sometimes and fuck up. When the team pops off theyre sick, when they dont they… dont. Gig is a madlad. I do like that they prepped for the titan’s bap strat on lijiang and shut it down entirely, that was very good coaching, but they weren’t able to adapt to non-mirror matches after that. They might get fucked by hero pools bc they didn’t show anything successfully other than rein/dva variations, but we’ll see. I'm finding them fun to watch and I'm interested to see if they can consistently maintain their peak play. B tier, i think their weaknesses are more exploitable than boston’s but that boston would lose to them. Id compare them to hunters last year but if hunters played meta

shock: I didnt watch this match super close tbh. Shock looks strong as usual, but they stumbled far too much for my liking when they let doha and decay get value but otherwise incredibly dominant. Architect’s ana got sooooo much value as the series went on, beautiful sleeps beautiful nades beautiful nanos etc *chefs kiss.* i dont think shock prepped super hard for them, and they rly couldve adapted better on horizon and won that map, but it was overall dominant. They seemed pretty rusty honestly but theyre still good, but they should be pissed they got fullheld on horizon. I’m not going to draw any conclusions from this game when it comes to shock bc its one game and its their first game back. S tier, they’ll be fine with hero pools.

Dallas: Dallas looked way better than yesterday, when decay and doha were unleashed and it was less about taking space they were monsters. Tank play was better but not great, glad theyre not making note play rein anymore. Decay is a god and doha played around him really well and his walls were sick. When decay couldn’t play mccree and couldnt get support, there was nothing dallas could do. Gamsu… seemed a bit tilted and used ults he shouldnt have. There were also communication issues, it didnt seem like trill called some of his shatters which meant the team couldnt follow up. They weren’t able to adapt that well without set strats, and other teams will use that to their advantage. Once a team figures out how to shut down doha and decay the game is over. C tier, will struggle in hero pools

right now rankings for me go titans, nyxl shock in S tier, glads in A tier, toronto, paris, valiant, boston in B tier, dallas, london in C tier

[endlessbrokenthoughts]

/Blinded Love\

Kim Woojin🐻

There was times like these that you loved you best friend Woojin too much. Your shift had just ended and let me tell you ther ain had not stopped ever since you walked out, but as you were reaching down to close the shutter of the shop your phone dinged.

Woojin🐻: Stay where you are i’ll collect you <3

you laugh at the use of emojis Woojin used. For a man who had a wealthy family and kept up with the latest use of i phones he still never knew how to use the emoji keyboard.

After a quick reply back saying a thank you and okay, you stood there. The passing sounds of cars and the night lights blurred your vision, it was peaceful.

“Get in loser” You heard Woojin shout over the pouring rain, smiling over at you, you pull your hoodie over your head and ran to the car too which woojin was pushing the door open for you as he leaned across the passengers side.

“Oh Woojin thank you so much!” You beam at him as you shake your head a bit before glancing over at him.

“Tha’ts what besties are for am i right?” He laughs and starts back up the car and before you know it your driving off.

That’s right. Best friends. That’s what ye were. Ever since he helped you pick up your barbies that those mean girls threw away 18 years ago.

You give a small laugh, not knowing what to do in this situation. Because the love of your life was simply blinded by your love towards him.

. . . . 

“Well did you tell him yet?” Chan had chirped behind you as his hands made their way around your shoulders. Closing your locker with a sigh Chans face fell. Every Monday this happened, Chan would come up and ask if you told Woojin your undying love for him but you always chickened out.

“No Chan” You sigh as your grip your books harder to your chest.

“Honeslty Y/N if you dont tell Woojin then im going to te-” But Chans quickly quite as your hand covers his mouth.

“Did you just lick my hand?”You throw a hand at him as you wipe the aplm of your hand off his jumper.

“Im not letting this go y/n, im going to science ill see you at lunch.” He gives you a quick high five before hes running through the crowd of students who were also pushing and shoving.

. . . . . . 

After your four periods of classes its fianlly time for lunch were you sat with all the boys, closing your locker door after getting your books, your heart jumps out of your chest as woojin stands there leaning aganist another locker enxt to yours, just like always a bright smile is on his face.

“Well hello there” Woojin says as he throws a hand over your shoulder and oushing you into his chest, you quickly blush at the sudden contact between you and Wooojin but its gone just as fast as it came.

“im sooooo hungry” He says as he practially drags you to the cafertiera, maybe i should tell him today? 

Wait maybe not its a school day?

“Woojin slow down your legs are too long” You complain as your school bag falls off your shoulder. He laughs at your clusmyness but is quick to help you with your books that youw ere holding in your arms.

“No Seungmin there my pokemon cards give them back to me!” Felix cries out as you sit down ext to him, his hands flying everywehre are he gives out to Seungmin who seems to be unbothered just sitting there casually drinking his boba drink.

“Okay and I told you I dont know where they are” Seungmin replys back. Felix groans his head falling onto your shoudler.

“Ahh Y/n noona hes so mean give out to him.” Felix says as he picks up his banna milk.

“Seungmin buys Felix new pokemon cards” You say to the unbothered boy across from you.

“No”

“yes”

“N-”

“Okay felix during the weekend we can go out and Ill buy you knew pokemon cards oaky” You give the boy a sweet smile in which he yells out a quick yes of happnies.

“Y/N you want anything?” Woojin says as he points to the line at the top of the cafertia.

“Ehmmm surpirse me” You sweetly say, a smile grows on Woojins face as he practailly skips over to the line with other students.

“Your literally eye raping him” Chan eye rolls as he sits down across from Felix.

“Dont roll your eyes at me Christopher” You argue to him as he just laughs before taking a bite into his sandwich.

After a couple of minutes of the boys fighting playfully and occisoanl jokes Woojin finally takes a place next to you. Handing you your y/f/f and a carton of strawberry milk (or at kind I’m sorry).

“Thank you woojinnie” you say as you give him a quick side hug, somehow when you turned back to talk to the boys Woojin was frozen In his space from the small interaction that somehow warmed his heart.

Your conversation with Hyunjin ended ye we’re talking about that science test you took last Friday and how you did so bad in it. Turning your head your eyebrows furrow as you look at Woojin.

A prominent frown settled on his face, eyes glaring at the screen below him. He seemed pissed.

“You okay?” You whisper over to him as the rest of the table went on with there talking. Leaning over to him you notice that someone seemed to be sending a very angry message as everything was in capital letters.

Woojin looks up quickly and his phone was quickly shoved into his back pocket. You frown at this. Since when was Woojin secretive.

“So woojin hows Irene?” Jisung chirps in, taking a big bite of his rice, the whole table falls quite as everyone stares at eachother.

Irene?

Who the hell was irene?

“U-uh” Woojin stutters as he looks over at you, his heart broke as he seen your face you looked so heartbroken.

Everything was too loud, the thumping sound of your heart being the only thing you could hear at that moment.

Chan’s quick to notice and comes up with an excuse for you to leave.

“Hey remeber that project we have yeah let’s go now!” He starts and before you know it your being dragged out of the cafeteria your eyes still on Woojin.

He has a girlfriend?

. . . .

Days have passed since you last seen anyone. Days since you last texted Woojin but definitely not since he texted you.

‘Are you okay’

‘Why aren’t you talking to me’

‘Did I do something’

Yes you broke my heart. But you clearly didn’t reply to them.

‘Why are you acting as if we’re in a relationship.’ Sent at 02:35am

That one had got you, you always taught Woojin had at least an idea of the fact you loved him. But at this point you knew this boy was absolutely blinded.

Knock! Knock!

Growing you roll off your bed before throwing a jumper over your head and making your way to the front door.

Your hand turns the knob of the door before it’s rudely pushed open and in walks Woojin.

“Listen I don’t know what your problem is but talk to me! Please” He angrily says as he runs his hands through his messy hair making it even messier.

“I don’t kno-“ you start but your startled once Woojin kicks the side of the couch placed on the left of him, you jump at the sudden action completely taking back by everything that’s happening.

“Your in love with Chan aren’t you?” He says

You almost laugh at him.

“What no woojin?” You shake your head at the thought.

“THEN WHAT IS IT, DONT YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND ANYMORE?” His voice raises again as he seems to get no answer from you.

“No woojin I don’t want to be your friend an-“

“WHY Y/N GOVE ME A GOOOD EXPLA-“

"CANT U SEE IT WOOJIN" I shouted at him my eyes tearing up, woojins eyes widned at me as i shouted at him clearly taken back.

"CANT U SEE THAT IM IN LOVE WITH YOU"

There’s silence.

"for so, so long your my best friend, and you always read me so well but for once your blinded by this,over and over you chose someone else over me when im the one who truley cares for you “ You look down at the wooden floor beneath yo

"you have no idea how many troubles I went through just because I simply can’t shake off the fact I love you. Yet you talk about your newest hookup to me contanslty, I’m always with Chan because he encourages me to tell you how I feel. Don’t you see how i hesitate everytime you ask me who I like, its because it was always you Woojin, i never liked Chan or that guy Soobin who asked me to formal I only told you taught so i could put your mind on ease. I was always so tempted to tell you, but i know you dont care you never will. You never did.” You finish

I look up at Woojin, tears flowing out of my eyes but as my eyes met his,his face said enough about your confession and he simply left.

You stood there in disbelief, your front door being slammed shut cut you out of your day dreaming. Woojin just walked out after you confessed to him. Because it was simply the only thing he was good at.

[captnstan]

sooooo i just watched Endgame and.... yikes yikes yikes, what the fuck was that, spoilers and messy rant under the read more!!! it’s also anti-tony, just in case!

so first of all the movie was way too fucking long, like only the last 45 minutes are interesting, the first two hours feel like they are padding run time, which of course they have to do since they want to make a movie in two parts to get that cash money, because im sure that disney is really struggling to get money lol!

so that movie was almost 3 hours and ob-vious-ly about 1:45 was dedicated to rdj, his lines, or seeing him, and goddamn i hate his goddamn face, i dont want to ever see him again, at first hes like this is your fault steve! we should have done what i did in the first place, so ultron then, which if i remember correctly didnt go so well, then 5 years later dude’s got a kid, of course, and hes like noooooooooooooo i dont want to help im fine now then boom he’s the hero that’s gonna pull everyone together, while thor has become like not even a shadow of himself? i didnt even recognize him ,mentally not physically, even though that was v v v v strange to see him like, so out of character, defeated and everything, thats not the thor i know 

also what the hell happened to banner, it was so weird seeing the hulk interact like that it felt so cartoonish??

natasha’s death was so funny to me, like she really dies like a dog, completely forgotten while tony has the huuuuge funeral, and he gets to be THE HERO, because of course he has to be, he’s a martyr he saved the planet on his own and why not just make like a huge statue of him and worhsip him every sunday while were at it? but SHE doesnt deserve shit apparently, just a few lines in passing, despite the fact that without her none of this would have happened it felt like a repeat of gamora’s death, like the sexism, as always is, off the charts, oh btw why did she sacrifice herself? for clint? the whitest piece of bread in existence? really? i have to laugh, i love seeing ladies dying for the sake of that one bland ass potatoe sack looking dude, love it! (can you feel the sarcasm?)

so the only good scenes in all of this garbage was when they all come together at the end, when they slowly appear and steve is standing on his own ready to battle by himself, that was amazing, and when he uses Mjolnir that was dope and i got chill (although i can understand if thor’s stans didn’t like it, i get it 100% but i’m a steve stan first so i loved it), wanda’s fight scene was cool too but waaaay too short

so let’s talk about the NAIL in the coffin goddamnit, steve coming back old af and that hetero ass bullshit ending, listen i don’t understand why it was sam that came to see steve at the end? and not bucky? i just don’t fucking get it? like listen sam is a cool guy and i like the character, but we’ve had close to zero scene with bucky despite their like 90 years of shared experience? like what the fuck? they shared so much and we don’t even get an ending to their relationship, also soooo he cares more about peggy , who he spent like what, months? together when they were young? but his childhood best friend he doesn’t even say goodbye to? the guy who was brainwashed for 70 years and got his memory back by seeing steve? give me a fucking break

they just pissed on everything that made steve a good character and just gave him like motivating speeches and lines and thats it, jesus what happened to my little guy from brooklyn who wanted to fight nazis because it was the right thing to do?

he doesn’t even get to die as a hero, he dies as a fucking old ass dude, i guess only iron man get a triumphant ending right! 

honestly again all of this was fucked up because of the russos and everyone at marvel is constantly humping rdj’s leg, it leads to bad fucking writing, and zero resolution and im disgusted

also i wanted to see valkyrie ( i gasped when she appeared on the horse, i loved it so much), T’challa and Shuri in action and they both have what 34 second of screentime? and not even a speaking line for Shuri, or anyone else really, like goddamn there was so much fucking tony in that movie there was no time for anyone else I guess!

also the time travel thing , i hate that trope so already it wasnt gonna work for me, but it was confusing and badly done, like are you telling me that when steve came back in time he was letting bucky get tortured and brainwashed for 70 years? like i get that the russos aint that smart to think about it but like, they should!

and where the hell is loki? he just bailed? the fuck?, and the entire movie was written with the ass anyways, and every joke landed flat, and god nothing was right with that movie, nothing, execpt the scene i mentionned above and that lasted like 3 minutes into such a long ass movie

oh also, that was hilarious how we find clint in japan, killing asian people because of his angst, loooooved it, amazing how marvel only hires asian to get them killed by the white man, with their own weapon too!, but i guess theyre not racist since they have mantis, who’s asian! but wait she has to be colored in paint, no one can knooow she’s asian, like ... fuck off marvel, fuck off!

so here’s the movies that i consider canon: captain america 1 & 2, black panther,the thor movies, and i guess the first avenger? but thats it lol, the rest i dont care about

in conclusion: a big fat yikes! and i kinda want to throw up now, and the russos can choke :)

[huangfilms]

Prince!Chenle

summary: you’re a member of the royal family and I didn’t know and you ran into me in the village and I completely told you off oh my god || prince!au

(A/N) o-oh my god i’m back from the dead with some prince chenle hope u enjoy (im a lil rusty so leave me some feedback Please! also,,, its not proofread haha aslkdjfhals Please Spare Me)

okay so you live in the village

your mom told you prior that you need to just walk over to your grandma’s house and drop sumn off

and to get to her house, you have to cut into the uhhh

the place where all the store stands are

u know like the market place ish

and so your holding a lot of stuff in your arms and you just walk with your eyes on the floor, watching where you step

and you lift your head up at times so you can see if you’re ever going to bump into someone

guess what 

you rlly done goofed cause you Look Up and right as you do theres this body that collides with yours

and you drop

e v e r y t h i n g

then you just stop and you get rlly pissed off

you look up rly dramatically and slowly and you meet a pair of eyes that actually look a lil scared 

(ugh poor bby chenle im rlly srry)

‘are you serious??? were you just not paying attention??? do you seriously have no coordination on where you’re going??????’

and then you let out a huff and start to pick up your things and place them back in your basket

while you do that you’re just muttering to yourself, ‘GOSH my mom is literally going to whoop me if she finds out i dropped gma’s stuff’

and then you see the guy kneel in front of you and start to help

‘um...... i can do this by myself, you can go ahead and bump into someone else now’

and he just looks at you with this expression you cant read

then he slowly gets up

‘prince chenle, we need you back at the kingdom right away, your mother is asking for you.’

and then you freeze up

p-prince ????? w-what ????????

two plus tw o equals pie ??????

then you start to panic and you hurriedly place the rest of your stuff in the basket and Run

you just Run To Your gma’s house

but you hear a soft ‘wait!’ when you run but you just Cannot

you’re SOOOOO embarrassed and when you arrive at your gma’s house your face is RED

and your ears are all flushed and your gma asks whats wrong

‘i just told off the prince because he bumped into me-’

 in your defense he rlly didn’t look like a prince (wdym chenle ALWAYS looks like a prince smh)

he was wearing .... regular clothes so he Did Not Look Like A Prince

like,,,,,, yeah i dont know LOL

but then all your grandma does is LAUGH AT YOU

whats so funny??? blease omg hes gonna Have My Head omgomgomgsdhkjah

so your grandma just looks at you like you’re overreacting and says, “chenle is a nice boy!! he comes and visits me all the time sweetie.”

and then you freeze up because-

w hat ???? let me ??? move my ??? bang real quick ???

“grandma you what”

“chenle visits me all the time??? very nice boy, you’d like him !!”

and all she does is feed you then kick you outta the house to go home before it gets too dark

when you walk back your just rlly thinking ‘.... that happened huh ...’

AND THEN !!! you hear a lil yell of ‘hey!!’

and when you schnapp your head up you see the prince waving up at you with this Look on his face ???

so you just give him a weird glance and walk slowly towards him

“listen, about earlier i am so sor-”

“it’s fine !! hope you aren’t beating urself over it too much !! have a great evening ...?”

then u tell him ur name yadda yadda then he leaves and then ur like !!! haha what just happened !!!

so you go home and just sleep on it cause you kind of just dont want to think about it HAHA

so the next morning when you wake up your mom says to go to your gma’s again

just cause your gma wants to see you .. which is kind of odd

you only see your grandma during special occasions and when you drop things off

only because school/work has been taking a lot of your time

but just for your gma,,,,, you’ll visit her and forget the responsibilities for now

you walk there with confusion on your face because,,, although your grandma loves you, she doesn’t just spring on you and ask you to come over

so youre just curious about why she wants to see you (there isnt anything wrong with it !!! its just a lil odd)

when you arrive to her cottage you see this car outside and immediately become anxious

youre just treading slowly to the door, and then you raise your hand to knock,,, but youre hesitating A LOT

so time goes by (max. of like .. 5 minutes) and the door swings open to reveal your grandma

she puts you into a bone crushing hug, and then pulls you inside

“thank you for coming dear !! i want you to formally meet someone.”

and then you get SCARED scared

so when you turn to go into the living room, you nearly SCREAM

cause on the couch is mr prince chenle and you feel like one of the guards is going to strangle u with the glare they’re giving you

in your defense, you didnt Know ............ you told off the Prince .......

“chenle sweetie, this is my sweet grandchild i was telling you about !! they did tell me recently that you recently met.”

chenle blushes when he makes eye contact but you rlly dont now why cause You Told Him Off and thats rlly all you can think about HAHA

BUT in reality chenle isnt too bothered by that cause you didn’t immediately treat him like a Prince, you treated him like a regular person (albeit a lil ... Yikes)

and he actually thinks that you are the most gorgeous being in the World !! mayhaps lil prince even has a tiny crush on you !!!

when you Formally Introduce urself to him

ur grandma hits u w that, “sweetie can u help me n chenle garden some things !!”

and then she gestures u both to follow her in her backyard

she tells the guards to make themselves feel at home and leave out like lemonade or sumn

so you and chenle are just super awkward at first cause you dont know how to break the tension

also all you can think about once again: was that u rlly told him off

but then chenle starts to laugh really loudly at a joke your grandma says and then you just-

YOU WANT TO COO !! cause even tho his laugh is Super Loud, you find it endearing that he’s just letting loose like this

he catches you staring tho and he stops and he Blushes Again and you want to !!! squish !! 

who doesnt want to squish chenle he’s literally such an angel and hes so adorable ugh i lov baby

so you both just start talking more and then by the end of the day you guys are just best buddies

you forget hes the prince too

but then u walk in to see the guards and ur all lik e... righ t...

its ok tho !! chenle is a person too !!

and honestly you guys make this a regular thing

you and chenle go to ur gmas house to garden every day or when you guys have the time

and essentially its just you guys pulling out weeds while talking about new and exciting things that happened to you recently

and your grandma just watches you guys get along and her heart is happy

cause chenle sometimes talks to her about him not making friends cause they always use him for his status

and so ur gma knows u arent like that and shes just really happy to see the two of you get along really well

days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months !! and you guys become really really close friends

some feelings develop too or .. whatever ..

but you dont acknowledge them cause youre just a person who lives in the viliage while hes a prince

chenle does though

and hes so shy about it that he blushes everytime you say his name or just smile at him

cause his heart goes !!!!!

he rlly likes you

and u rlly like him but u just dont know !!!

ye wutevr its 2018 and status rlly shouldnt matter but ur just rlly conscious about being judged and stuff

like even if u started to date him would his parents accept you

and then u snap out of ur thoughts cause chenle looks worried and you havent answered his question

haha he asked a question ???

‘you want to hang out with me tomorrow?? thats not gardening?? i-i mean its ok to say no haha i love gardening with you i just wanted to know if y-you wanted to try something new with me? i-i understand if you want to say no-’

‘chenle, sweetheart, breathe,’

and then he Blushes cause oh they just called me sweetheart and he just breathes

then you say you would love to !!! 

and ur gma is just watching the Entire Thing with the guards

with popcorn and tea

and its literally the cutest little exchange ever cause youre both just blushing and red

so when tomorrow comes

chenle meets u at ur gmas house

and so like he holds his hand out for you to take and ur just !! heart into overdrive !!!

and then !!! he takes you to this ice skating rink cause youve mentioned before that you havent been

and he rented out the whole place so people wouldnt be bothering you two

and hes just nervous and so are you but since ur dont know how to skate youre just clinging to him for dear life

and hes such a blushing mess omg

the guards are just cooing at the both of you, some even join you on the ice

and you guys are just cracking jokes and having such a good time

there was a time where one of the guards fell on their ass and u two couldnt stop laughing

then chenle falls but since youre holding onto him you fall down too oops

and so ur just kinda ... laying down on him awkwardly and your guys’ faces are so CLOSE

but then you clear your throat and then you jump off of him

it gets kind of late and the guards are just like, “hate to break this cute and adorable moment, but your momma is calling you to be home prince”

and so chenle just blushes and gets up first, then holds his hand out again to help you up

it makes you sad when he has to leave, but he drops you off at home

when he does, he walks you to your door and then he says goodbye, but before he leaves

you feel a little bold and you kiss him on the cheek !!! so cute !!! cause then hes just RED ! and hes so flustured and he just waves bye and when he gets into his car

he just clutches his chest and has this big smile on his face and hes just so in awe

and the guards are teasing him but he really Does Not Care cause you just did : THAT 

you kissed him on the cheek and hes so !!! about it

but you guys go out more often after this

and sometimes is just to hang out with your gma cause chenle has grown to love her HAHA

its become a thing where you kiss him on the cheek goodbye

wow cute

one day though, hes saying bye and hes looking away while youre about to kiss his cheek

but then he remembers he needs to tell you something

so right as your lips are about to kiss his cheek

his head turns and you two share a lil innocent peck

AND YOURE BOTH BLUSHING WOW

AND THE GUARDS ARE SO !!!! 

o-ohmy gosh im so kilig you guys

CHENLE IS SO FLUSTURED THAT HE FORGETS WHAT HE WANTED TO TELL YOU

oh right he was about to CONFESS confess but like

ur flustered too so u rush out a goodbye and you LEAVE

and chenle is just !!!! ok ill tell them tomorrow !!!!

well tomorrow comes

and you dont show up

ur gma tells him that u’ve been exhausted cause of school, theyll probs be back tomorrow

so then he comes back tomorrow

and you arent there again

and this goes on for like a week

and he just Knows ur avoiding him

but like hes so fed up because he has been Waiting for the Right Time to confess to you

and so he goes over to ur house and then knocks

you answer the door and then your eyes grow wide and then u shut the door again

but chenle pushes it open and just “WAIT”

and so you just slowly open the door

“why have you been avoiding me??”

and ur just speechless cause haha avoiding you ?? why would i do that ???

and he gives you This Look 

and then ur all like ... “OKAY !!! so ive been avoiding you .... what about it..”

and he just sighs and hes all serious and ur all !! cause chenle is barely serious alsdkf

“Listen,,, i really like you,”

you pause and you just look at him before grinning

“i really like you too chenle!!”

and he just looks Frustrated cause he thinks you arent getting it

“more than a friend way!!!”

and then you start to smile and ur all like .. “the feeling is mutual bub !”

and now HES pausing cause w-what

m-marty

but then you just hug him tightly and tell him how much you really like him !!!

and he goes !!!! oh my gosh !!!! 

then you guys are just looking at each other and you really do forget that there are other people around you and he kisses you !!! wow !!! 

please spare me ive never had my first kiss before HASKDJFHASD

BUT ANYWHO

you guys are always together now !! and he even lets you meet his parents and they immediately: love you

you basically hang around him a lot and when he says he has to do sum prince duties ur all like ... huh ... i forget ur a prince LMFOAJFH

but everything is good everything is well !!!

youre just content with what you have with chenle even tho u started off a lil rocky

you just !!! like him so much !!! life is good hehe

anway end !!! prince chenle: cutest lil headcannon but chenle is ALREADY a prince !!!

Masterlist

[latina4bangtan]

Let’s Make a Deal pt. 8

“Go apologize to your wife for being an ass” 

Namjoon's POV

It had been a few days since the fight with (y/n) and somehow in those few days so much had changed. All she did was stay in the guest room and if by some chance you actually saw her she didn't even bother to look at you. Even when she did she had a blank look on her face.

As much as you hated to admit it.....you fucked up.

"So what do you think?"

"About?"

"Dude have you even been listening for the past 10 min?" Jhope said.

It was then that you remembered where you were and what you were suppose to be doing. The fog that had been covering your mind seemed to have lifted and you were now seated at the head of a table surrounded by your friends.

"I've got a lot on my mind" was all you could say.

"Yea well we all do so why don't we ALL try to focus. Besides aren't you the one who called this meeting" Suga had said slightly annoyed.

Namjoon began to take notice of all the men who sat beside him. All six of these men had a major role in the operation that Namjoon had been running for the past 5 years. More than that these 6 guys were the best friends he'd had for many years

Jin was in charge of the legal aspects of the operation making sure the law didn't interfere and when it did....let's just say everyone wanted Jin to be their legal representation. He had never lost a case and didn't expect to any time soon.

Suga and Jungkook were in charge of shipments that were to be brought in to the country and distributed. They both  made sure everything always went according to plan.

Taetae and Jimin always worked as a team when it came to security. They worked together to make sure everything was safe and secure.....their plans their money but most importantly their friends

As for Jhope he worked a little of everything. He was pretty much Namjoon's right hand man.

"You're right I did so I'm sorry for zoning out now let's talk. The other night at the party Samuel was there and as I was walking out he had said something that didn't sit well with me and I wanted to bring it to your attention."

"What was it?" Jimin said now looking straight at Namjoon .

"He had asked about (y/n) and when I told him that she wasn't any concern of his he said something about people  from LA sticking together."

"Wait what? No one is suppose to even know that she's from LA all they're suppose to know is that she's from the states." Jungkook said growing slightly irritated. He was one of the men who worked on making sure that no one knew more about (y/n) than was necessary.

"So I'm assuming now you understand my concern. I don't want him anywhere near her is that understood. Not him not any of his men.....no one......do whatever it takes to make sure this is accomplished. He's up to something and I've got a bad feeling he's going to use her to his advantage."

"How do you know she isn't involved?" Jin had been quiet for most of the meeting but it was his basic instinct that made him question every possible scenario. This is what made him so good in a courtroom.

"I just do. She wouldn't have sacrificed everything she knew by marrying me just to put her family in danger again. She's smarter than that."

"Well I've never had reason to question your judge of character so I'll let it go...." and that's exactly what jin did.

"Are there any abnormalities when it comes to our shipments with Samuel's group as of now?"

"No." Was all Suga said.

"Good let's keep it that way if he doesn't suspect us let's not give him a reason to until we have more information on what he's planning."

All of the men gave a slight nod in agreement.

"As always I appreciate all that you do. Please enjoy your weekends....as you normally do." Namjoon said with a slight smirk. He knew his friends all too well and knew they would be getting into some fun trouble.

"You used to join us in these fun weekends if I remember correctly. How sad you're not so wild anymore now that you're all married and what not." Tae said with a little bit of a giggle.

"Yea I guess some things change. You guys have fun though but please don't make me bail you out of jail again." Namjoon said as a smile threatened to spread across his face.

Just as the boys were heading out Namjoon noticed that Jhope had stayed back.

"Some things really do change don't they?" He said.

"What do you mean?"

"You're changing...Earlier when you said you had a lot on your mind it was her wasn't it."

"Come on Hobi I run a major operation 24/7 not to mention keeping you guys busy isn't always so easy ya know." You say with a small chuckle avoiding the question.

"Not saying that isn't true but it never caused you to be distracted from a meeting before. Only thing thats changed recently is (y/n) coming into your life. So stop being a bitch and avoiding the question it was her right? What you do??? Did you piss her off....again?"

Ugh you knew he wasn't going to let it go and if you couldn't talk with him then who?

"The other night at the party Brie showed up and caused some problems. Long story short me and (y/n) end up fighting about it....I said some fucked up stuff and....idk something's changed in her."

"What do you mean?"

"She's normally not one to back down...not even to me but now it's like she's lost that about her. She's just...different."

"You better watch that girl."

"Why?"

"I've known you for what seems like forever along with the rest of the guys. You've never let any woman get to you like this.....All I'm saying is you better watch it friend or you're going to end up falling for your wife."

"Whatever"

Jhope gave you a small laugh and on his way out yelled back you.

"Go apologize to your wife for being an ass!" ————————————————— (Y/N)POV

You were in the guest room trying to take your mind off of your situation but nothing was helping. Every time you tried to distract yourself you would end up replaying the fight you had had with Namjoon. You didn't know why but that fight was staying with you.

Maybe it was because you both had said some pretty harsh things.

Honestly you weren't entirely sure.

What you did know is that something had to change or you both were going to pay for it in the end.

You almost completely jumped out of your skin when you heard a knock on the bedroom door.

Opening the door you expected to see Seonhwa but to your complete surprise you actually saw Namjoon.

"Hey" was all he said.

"Hi"

"Can I talk with you?"

"Ummm yea" you say stepping aside so he could enter the room.

You watched him come in and sit on the bed. Once he had sat down he motioned next to him for you to also take a seat. Awkwardly you did.

"Sooooo what did you wanna talk about?"

"C'mon (y/n) we both know what this is about."

"Ok we'll go on" you say in the nicest way possible...you didn't want to fight anymore so you were trying to tone down the attitude.

"See this right here this is not ok."

What? He was being really confusing.

"What do you mean?"

"You're not acting like yourself.....you haven't been yourself since the night of the party."

"Im not trying to be a smart ass when I say this but Namjoon you don't really know me to say that I'm not acting like myself."

".....you're right I don't really know you. However what I do know is that you just locking yourself in the guest room isn't like you. Every time I've said something that's annoyed you or made you mad you've always had a smart ass remark and have always defended yourself. Now it seems like you're scared to even be in the room with me...like I said it's not like you."

".....I'm not scared of you....I just don't want to continuously fight with you....it's draining and honestly I don't think either one of us can keep this up for much longer...so I figured the best thing was for us to keep our distance from one another."

"You're right something has to change...but not you.....look that night I didn't handle the situation in the best way. Other things happened that night after you left that made me upset and unfortunately I took it out on you and said some pretty messed up things.....for that I'm sorry."

Did you just hear KIM NAMJOON apologize to you. You couldn't help the smile that took over your face.

"Who would have thought that Kim Namjoon was a softy." You couldn't help giving him a hard time.

To your amazement he gave you a small smile and also laughed.

"Ahhh there's the smart ass within you...I knew she was still there.....don't go tell anyone though."

"I am not a smart ass..lol don't worry though your secret is safe with me....but if we're being honest I shouldn't have kept pushing the situation all it did was escalate everything so I'm also sorry."

"We both played a part. Let's just move on from it ok?"

"Sounds good to me."

"Alright so now can you get out of the guest room."

"I can do that..."

"We have more to talk about but let's do that tomorrow for now let's get some sleep."

For the first time since you met Namjoon you finally got a little bit of hope that maybe you were going to be ok.

[tenecity]

from haters to lovers; you zhangjing

library! au

cr: @aestheticninepercent

sooooo AFTER MUCH procrastination and wrecking of my brains i tHINK I FOUND SMTH TO HATE ABT zhangjing so here we go

SPECIAL THANKS TO @nine-prcnt @abziyi for GIVING ME THIS IDEA

soooo ure a librarian at yr local library

its like a summer job, just to kill time. plus, there's the aircon so its a perfect job. for the most part

until that one boy decides to come to the library

you knw him

everyone knows him bc he is so loud. its impossible not to notice him.

he comes in n ure alr hella pissed bc

a. he is shouting at the top of the voice

b. his grp of friends r equally noisy its sounds like hell broke loose

c. he is munching on a bag of chips

chips

cHIPS

DO U KNW HOW THOSE THINGS LEAVE CRUMBS EVERYWHERE

THEY GONNA ATTRACT MICE AND COCKROACHES UGHHHHHHHH

if looks cld kill, he wld alr be in the grave.

now, being the nice, polite person u r, u control yr anger and v nicely remind him of the rules.

"if u dont want to abide to them, sir, u r kindly requested to leave"

his doe eyes just look innocently at yrs

and u roll yr eyes, shoving him towards the exit and walk away, huffing in annoyance

but as soon as u turn yr back

THEY COME RIGHT BCK IN

ajjsbsjsjsjsjsjsj THEYRE SO ANNOYING

so u tell them, once again to leave

but his eyes still reflect that same innocence

"will u pls-"

"but i hvnt done anyth wrong." he cuts u off, tone simple, almost hurt

almost

and then u look at him and realise he's right. no potato chips and his friends r hardly making a noise

gritting yr teeth, u stalk off, annoyed tt he caught u off guard

for the next few weeks, he continuously turns up at the library

whether it is to annoy u or actl study and do some serious work, u hve no idea

the only thing u knw, is tt he never shuts up. no matter how many times u tell him to be considerate and be quiet, bc its a goddamn library he never listens. the moment u turn ur bck, his mouth opens again and nonsense sprouts out

how does one speak inccessantly for hours????????

AND THEN oml, one day he comes in and actl requests to be a librarian

yr head librarian finds his bubbly attitude cute so she passes him for the interview

?????okfine but tHEN SHE ATTACHES HIM TO U LIKE A TRAINEE-MENTEE THING GOD WHY

u roll yr eyes as u bring him arnd, showing him the diff sections

ure so focused, u dont even see how bored he is, and how hard he is trying to remember what ure saying.

but, yr words still end up blowing past his ears, not a single word goes in

which is why, he ends up placing the books in wrong sections, messing up everything and you have to clean up the mess every. single. time.

buttttt...... its not like u mind

bc every time he messes up, his sorry brown eyes, pouty lips that spill multiple apologies is enuf to make up for it

him bringing u to eat is a plUS

by the end of summer, u've gained like 7kg

and somehow, between bickering across the bookshelves, between the cup noodles and luncheon meat, between the pages and covers, u gained affection for him

u dont knw how either

i mean, quiet pple hang out with other quiet pple, u knw?

but his loudness is endearing, his constant mistakes make ur stomach hurt as you laugh at his adorable apologetic look.

his chocolate eyes are entrancing, his smile, blinding and completely heart stopping

but it's terrible

he will never like u bck

ure quiet, shy, introverted, cold and not the least bit humourous

ure pretty sure someone like him, wld want a person who is equally bubbly and loud and happy

as the leaves start to float down frm the trees, and the days get colder, u cont yr job as the assistant librarian, zhangjing tagging along, non stop chattering

it seems like he doesnt notice how quiet u've become, hardly even speaking a word now, smiles never exactly meeting the eye

bc the more u look at him, the more u feel yrself tipping over the edge; the more paranoid and upset u get, bc u knw this will b a one sided, impossible love.

that is of course until one day he finally realises theres something wrong

it was in the evening, a break for all the librarians before the next batch comes in at night to study

usually, u wld take this time to rearrange the books and thats exactly what ure doing.

walking down the first aisle whilst pushing the trolley, ure not exactly comprehending what zhangjing is saying as u try to distract yrself by focusing on finding the correct placing for the books.

as u chuck a book bck into its place, u suddenly realise how silent it is.

"zhangjing?" u peer through the gaps of the books, but he's not in the second aisle, like he's supposed to.

panic rising, u urgently call his name as u rush to the other aisle.

"BOO" he whisper-yells into yr ear, his body flushed against yr bck, arms wrapping arnd yr shocked figure.

you turned arnd, ready to b annoyed and roll yr eyes, but the sight before u causes u to freeze

the sunlight falls softly on his features, casting shadows at the all the right angles that emplify his sharp features. his eyes sparkling with cheekiness, his cheeks lightly flushed, his lips pouty and extremely inviting.

you gulp and pull away, but zhangjing's not hving it

he firmly pushes yr shoulders bck, knocking them against the bookshelf, hands planted right next to yr forehead, trapping u between him and the wooden shelf.

"u've been ignoring me."

"no, i hvnt." u swallow hard, looking away, blush creeping up yr neck

"yes u hve. u dont even knw what i was talking abt just now, right?"

ur eyes focus on the floor, neither denying nor acknowledging it.

"what's wrong? why r u ignoring me? did i do smth wrong-"

"zhangjing, u didnt do anything wrong-"

"then why r u ignoring me? i invited u to eat with me thrice last week, and u didnt even accept at least one of them! u hardly pay attention to anything i say, and u hve that mournful look on yr face like someone just died! oh wait shit unless...did someone in yr family pass away? oh shit im so sorry-"

"my family's fine, zhangjing will be quiet for once?"

he opens his mouth again, abt to continue his rant when you decide to seal his lips with yr own

honestly, its a relief to finally cave in to yr desire to shower zhangjing with all the love u hve for him

emotions of the past two seasons flow through yr body and pass through yr lips, conveying the message of "i love u" through that one, light, gentle kiss.

u pull away, face flushed, eyes shyly looking up and they make contact with a shocked zhangjing.

"zhangjing?" a girl's voice travels down the aisle, light and delicate.

he hastily pulls his arms to his side, head turning as he sees his girlfriend at the edge of the aisle.

he looks despairingly, eyes shifting between u and the other girl

the word that passes through yr lips drive a dagger through yr gut, but u maintain the smile on yr face.

"go."

and he goes, causing the invisible string, that once connected the two of you together, to snap, as he walks further and further away; the recoil causing u to stumble bck, tears flowing down yr cheeks in a gentle stream as u nurse the pain deep in yr heart.

[eledritch]

For the character headcanon ask, I'd like to know what you think about all six paladins (b/c, why exclude Allura now?) and 1, 4, 5, 7, 11, 14, 18, and 20. Sorry it looks a bit on the long side.

hooo boy ok let’s do this:

1. Their physical weak spots

Shiro: where his arm was amputated/his entire right side to some degree, though he does a good job of hiding it

Keith: his chest, since he’s smaller if he was hit head-on he’d go down faster. also his neck, i dont have an explanation for this other than keith being choked is. well it’s something.

Allura: nowhere. she is Impenetrable and Mighty (jk jk probably her hair? she’s got a lot of that, if you got a big handful and yanked it would be a) unexpected and b) painful for her)

Lance: his legs, he’s got a lot of them haha, and being a fast runner doesn’t matter if your legs get hit

Hunk: head, probably, he’s so focused on his core strength that I think he pays less attention to his noggin’s safety

Pidge: Face/eyes, it would hurt like hell if Pidge’s glasses got shattered. yikes, as a fellow glasses wearer i’m cringing just thinking about it

4. Best places to kiss on their body

S: scars and chest/nipples, im sorry was this supposed to be innocent kissing? is innocent nipple kissing a thing, sure, let’s go with that

K: neck. definitely neck. also forehead kisses

A: mouth, cheek, hands, nape of neck

L: hips, inner thighs, forehead, cheek

H: tummy, mouth, shoulders, cheek, head

P: nose!! also cheek and hands

5. Guilty pleasures

S: watching The Notebook (and other sappy romance movies). he will forever deny it, but he cries every time

K: snuggling. keith is super clingy and snuggly when he sleeps but pretends he’s completely unaware of it. also, fingering himself lmaoo this was ALMOST innocent sORRY

A: she would totally be the kind of person who watches dozens and dozens of Internet marriage proposals/cute boyfriend/girlfriend tag videos and just gets so much secondhand happiness from it

L: obsessively cleaning ears with q-tips. apparently ur not supposed to do this but fuck that, lance does (and so do i)

H: MUSICALS. HUNK LOVES MUSICALS FIGHT ME

P: POPPING PIMPLES YOU KNOW PIDGE SO WOULD

7. Their tickle spots

S: tummy!!

K: armpits and back of neck

A: Alteans don’t get ticklish. She’s just very confused and slightly offended.

L: feet and chest

H: EVERYWHERE

P: nobody knows, because nobody has tried, they like keeping their hands too much (but it’s everywhere, particularly right under her chin)

11. Bad or petty habits

S: drinking and/or consuming ridiculous amounts of chocolate/caffeine

K: picking at his skin and biting his nails

A: making the other paladins get up extra early for training if they’ve irritated her lately, using the electric maze thing if they pissed her off

L: leg bouncing, am i projecting onto lance, absolutely

H: adding extra salt to people’s food/food goo if they’ve pissed him off lately

P: compulsively checking and rechecking stats/info/the time, etc

14. Ingrained habits/forces of habit

S: sleeping on the floor/on hard surfaces and waking up early/at any sudden noise

K: talking to himself since he spent so much time alone, sometimes he just forgets

A: mentioning her dad/Altea in the present tense before quickly remembering he’s gone :((

L: skin care routines (and general impeccably cleanly hygiene). you can pry his clay masks away from his cold dead hands

H: stress eating. and maybe also forgetting to eat when he’s REALLY stressed

P: pretending to be a boy/lowering her voice/always staying fulling clothed

18. Things they’ll never admit

S: all the horrible things he was forced to do as the Champion

K: the reason why he was kicked out of the Garrison, or how close he was to just giving up everything after they gave him the boot

A: a part of her likes the idea of the Altean Empire. really likes it.

L: sooooo many things, like how he feels like a seventh wheel, how he’s always been jealous of keith, how he wishes he could go back home more than anything. but lance would probably say anything under enough pressure

H: I honestly cannot think of anything…Hunk is a pretty open book

P: she still considers leaving team voltron to find matt on her own and take him home

20. What-ifs/Alternate Timelines

S: well, we already got Sven, but I have several existing AUs where Shiro is an ex-Garrison commander (in this AU the Garrison is an organization kinda like Starfleet/the Federation), one where he’s Earth’s ambassador to the Galra, and one where he’s a faery hunter. also, I think it would be interesting if Shiro and Keith’s roles had been switched.

K: born and raised in the Galra Empire Keith, Blade of Marmora Keith, Galran Prince Keith, Galran Champion Keith

A: ALTEAN EMPIRE EMPRESS ALLURA, I’m also a huge fan of the human Allura AU, where her and Shiro’s places are switched

L: Altean (Prince) Lance is always fun, faery Lance is my current fav, bounty hunter Lance is a good concept i wish i saw more, evil/corrupted by the Galra Lance can be interesting to explore too

H: Balmeran Hunk ahhh!!! I’ve also grown really fond of the Galran Hunk aus, and wEREWOLF HUNK SIGN ME THE FUCK UP. 

P: whatever alien species Slav is…imagine Pidge as that. and cackle in delight with me. also, conspiracy theorist Pidge, astronaut Pidge, cryptid hunter Pidge, spy Pidge, I just love Pidge a lot any Pidge is a good Pidge

[peaceasshcle]

here, lemme just-- get all of my thoughts out there. WARNING: THERE’S A LOT.

the flashback in the beginning was nice. i know it was meant to be kinda sad and whatnot bc of their dad getting cancer but lemme just say that javi’s “hey, i was reading that!” and david’s “oh my gooood!!” was cute. also, i couldn’t stop focusing on how #tragic david’s outfit was, but that’s why i love his outfits bc they are tragic, so...... anyway, moving on. i was SO FUCKING RELIEVED TO SEE KATE AGAIN!!! her beautiful face wasn’t messed up at all and i was so glad!!! she just straight up hugged javi and completely ignored david and it’s like, you’re not even gonna ask david if he’s okay? really? bc my kate would’ve. but i digress-- i was glad when gabe finally started coming around and realizing that david wasn’t all that he was cracked up to be, but i got really mad at all the times when gabe would get hit by david. accident or not, it pissed me off. david breaking fern’s arm and shooting rufus made me uncomfortable, lol. and like, i get why he did it, but still. that whole situation could’ve been handled better. i’m at least glad that he didn’t let kate and javi get shot. i stood beside my brother and it was a nice moment and made me happy, but i couldn’t be too happy bc i knew everything was gonna get fucked up by the end of the episode. i felt bad about ava, a little, but tripp was my husbando™ and i didn’t want him to die (even tho he did gdi) and so she was rightfully pissed off at me. she said she’d pick david over me anyway so i didn’t feel too bad. the bit where david’s like, “kate walked right past me and hugged you. why is that?” and i’m like, MY KATE wouldn’t have done that, i’m sorry!!!!!! but i couldn’t actually say that so i just went with, “ask her yourself.” bc lol nah son. but then the fact that she’ll hardly speak to him, just-- kate why? i mean, i kinda get it, but still. ALSO GABE TELLING JAVI THAT HE WANTS TO BE LIKE HIM GAVE ME SO MANY EMOTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BABY BOY IS GROWING UP SO FAST!!!!!!!!! the scene where ava saved my sorry ass and proceeded to die fucked me up, dude. i thought she’d last longer than that. and david’s reaction was just so-- idk. but i get it bc people handle grief in different ways. but the whole thing with the group going across that edge spiked my anxiety and i was just hyper-aware of kate the entire time. the helicopter scene didn’t help my anxiety lmao. i was just glad that we all survived that bs. plus when javi finally gets up there and he’s like, “great job everyone. just like how we rehearsed!” and kate’s like, “i think we can do better! lets go back over there and try that again!” and it just-- i laughed so hard, fffffff. the walker scene was gross af, but the fact that JAVI LITERALLY TALKS TO ONE OF THEM KILLS ME JUST-- walker: *looks at javi, makes guttural noises* javi: *looks at walker, makes guttural noises back* i died laughing at that, okay? it was fuckin’ great. and the scene in the garage-- HOLY FUCK. kate slapping david and proceeding to break up with him and THEN GOING OVER TO KISSING JAVI (AND JAVI KISSING HER BACK LIKE THERE’S NO PROBLEM WHATSOEVER) LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK????? KATE!!! THAT’S NOT HOW YOU DO IT!!!! (i mean, i told david that i was in love with her afterwards, but still...) ofc that set david off, and he attacked me, but i refused to fight him. i kept telling him that i loved him, and then he warped gabe upside the head with a fucking wrench and didn’t even fucking bat an eye. like, i’m sorry, but even if i was seeing red and was trying to kill someone, the moment that happened, and i realized that i’d just hit my son UPSIDE THE HEAD WITH A FUCKING WRENCH i’d immediately snap out of it and try to apologize to my kid or something at least. i also felt like gabe agreeing to go with david was ooc af, but the writers did that shit on purpose. otherwise how could they get those separate endings they wanted sooooo bad, y’know? i went with kate, and i don’t regret it at all. i trusted clem enough to get gabe back safely and i just knew that if i left kate, she’d die and i wasn’t having that. so i went with her and helped her clear out richmond with the HELP OF MY MAIN MAN JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT’S GOOD, MAN???? I MISSED YOU BRO!! YOU LOOK HELLA GOOD LIKE THAT, DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!! but yes, so we did all that, and then clem’s back and she’s GOT GABE AND HE’S ALIVE AND SAFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but then we find out that DAVID’S FUCKING DEAD AND IT’S LIKE WTF?! NO! WHY?! bc as much as i might’ve not always liked david, i never wanted him to fucking DIE WTF?! also the fact that gabe’s like, “dad said for us to take care of each other.” seriously FUCKED ME UP, MAN. like damn. so kate and i go to his body (which i really hated looking at, btw. too much sad.) and she grabbed his dog tags, while proceeding to tell me about what david wanted and ish. and i was like, fuck man. that’s fucking sad af. we respected his wishes, buried his dog tags, and i said my peace and KATE DIDN’T HAVE SHIT TO SAY AND JUST SMILED AT ME AND LEFT HER FUCKING RING THERE AND I’M LIKE WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK -- and then we put up david’s pic on the memorial wall, and say a few more words, and kate brings up the fact that she wants to have a BABY??????????? naturally, i was like, ‘fuck yeah, babe.’ but still, lollllllll. i didn’t see that coming at all. AND THE BIT WITH JESUS HOLY FUCK. him thinking javi was flirting and i’m like, “heyyyyyyy boiiiiiiiiii how you doin????” bc fuck yeah. sorry, i’m weak for jesus, man. i fuckin’ ship it. and then the “hey, uh, jesus?” and “hey, uh, gabe.” IT WAS SO FUCKING CUTE OMG. THE HAIRCUTTING SCENE WAS ADORABLE TOO!!! being able to tease clem about gabe, and giving her hope about aj, AND giving her that adorable haircut???? A+++++ i loved every bit of it! tho i will say that clem has some big ears, lmao. i still love her tho. <3 THE HUG SHE GIVES GABE, THE FACT THAT JAVI AND KATE HAVE THEIR ARMS WRAPPED AROUND EACH OTHER, AND THE WAVES THEY ALL GIVE EACH OTHER, I’M JUST-- LOVED IT. and the ending scene with her looking like a total badass with that new haircut and jacket????  👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit Clementine’s story will continue... like omggggggggggggggggggggggg. though i do wonder when they’ll finally let clem rest, lmao. and OKAY!!! i’ll now take this opportunity to say that it killed me how ooc Kate was at times. like, the fact that she didn’t at least look at david and ask him if he was okay didn’t seem like something she’d do, imo. also her ignoring david for that long and only talking to him when they’re fighting??? mmmm no. i don’t approve. the fact that she loses her shit and slaps him and breaks up with him and  THEN goes over and kisses Javi just to add more salt to the wound felt soooooooooooooooooo ooc for her. MY KATE would, at the very least, attempt to have a civil conversation with david. she wouldn’t have ignored him for so long up until that point. she might’ve been nervous to bring the topic up and that’s why she was ignoring him, but i feel like she would’ve pulled him aside after a while and talked to him calmly about the situation. she would’ve picked a better time to do it than when she did in the game. she just-- she would’ve handled it so much better than they had her do, bc that whole thing was a fucking mess. that wasn’t the kate i’d been led to believe. also the fact that she just stops caring about him at all? like, you loved him once, enough to marry him! You even admit to loving him once. so you mean to tell me that you have not even the tiniest shred of emotion left for him? unrealistic. blocked. but no, for real-- i could understand it in some situations, but it just find it hard to believe that she wouldn’t care about him at all. kate and david’s relationship reminds me sooooo much of my mom and dad’s and even though they have their issues and aren’t in love with each other anymore, and even though they don’t always get along, they still care about each other, so i’m like??? sigh. oh well... also the fact that she doesn’t say anything at david’s funeral, and just lays her ring down on the dirt pile? ooc. i feel like she would’ve at least said something. anything would’ve been better than the silence. and then to top it all off, she tells javi that she wants to start a family with him, and i’m like???? you were literally just talking about how glad you were that mariana wasn’t there to suffer through that shit and now you’re telling me that you wanna have a baby? idk. i just didn’t expect that from her. i still love kate, and i’m very weak for her, and everything else that i didn’t mention about her seemed p in character to me, but yeah. those are just my thoughts on that. and lastly, david seemed to be mostly ic throughout the game, but i feel like there were plenty of moments where he was wayyyyyyy OTT. like, whoa. like, i know that the game was trying to use him to show more depth to his character, but would also turn around and use him for confrontational purposes. also the fact that even if you don’t pursue kate, AT ALL, he STILL doesn’t believe you when you tell him that, and he loses his shit and tries to kill you. david’s character could’ve been handled better as well, i think. but yeah, i think that’s about it for now. i’ll make another post later if i think of anything else, and i’m sorry that this is so long, but i had a LOT of thoughts about this, so...

[dickgoblinpi]

i just want to vent about work a bit

yesterday i was working with a boy i know v v well. i am his key worker and have been the main (or only) person responsible, other than himself and his mum, for creating his care plan and routine. he has a significant eating aversion and over the past 8 months i have put a lot of work into developing a mealtime routine with him that he enjoys and that helps him eat and drink a good amount and variety while he is at our service. the routine is pretty specific and takes up two packed a4 pages in the care plan. 

we’ve reached a point now where he eats a moderate breakfast and has some juice when he comes in, then has a large late lunch of sandwiches, pasta, soup or something like that, plus maybe some yoghurt, cake, crisps or similar, and some more juice. he can now eat a slice of cake with the other young people when someone has a birthday. if we all do cooking or baking activities he can eat the fruits of our labours. when he first started attending, that first day he drank a capri sun and that was it. so this progress and achievement is a big deal to everyone involved. im v proud of him and myself. there is 1 problem

for some reason people think anything i say is open to interpretation? at all times? most people know that this boy’s eating plan began at home with his wonderful mum, and from there has been the work of him, me, myself and i while he is at our service. like pretty much every time he eats a meal here it is the direct result of the 8 months i alone have spent collaborating with him to make his routine work for him. most people know that. certain people seem to live in opposite land. quite apart from that, his care plan says ‘do X’ and when a care plan says that, unless X is flatly unethical or you have observed X to lead to terrible things, you DO X. im talking specifically about things like ‘molly stands to get personal care support’ and ‘jimmy requires support from 2 staff to go on trips’ and ‘sandy drinks from a straw’ 

you dont just go ‘meh, i feel like getting molly to lay down today’ or ‘i dont see why sandy can’t just drink from a sports bottle’ or ‘im sure jimmy will be just fine going to the cinema one-to-one’ but when it comes to the support notes i have written, PEOPLE KEEP GOING ‘i can feed this young person by myself’ ‘he doesnt really need a straw’ ‘im sure he will learn to like having reggae music on with his meals’ ‘i should put my arm around him and hold his head to keep him still’  

when i arrived at work yesterday, a supervisor who has been somewhere else not here for 6 months, came up to me and immediately started telling me her awesome new ideas for how best to support this boy to eat. her main idea was that, because he has involuntary arm movements as well as an instinctive reflex to bat away the food, instead of holding on to his arms i could tuck them under his arm rests and very gently put my arm on top of his so he cant get them out, because “that’s half the battle”

it’s really complicated to talk about how we support him not to bat away the food, because whenever i say ‘choice’ i go down the rabbit hole of how a choice isn’t necessarily a choice and the entire surrounding environment and their life to this date and everyone’s expectations of them and 100 other factors have so many complex and interwoven impacts on the choices someone is truly able to make :/

with that said, the general idea of lunch support for this boy is that he can and does choose (gah) not to eat or not to take a given bite, but when he is hungry and willing to eat and drink, he needs gentle support to enable him not to make those movements. like i can maybe think of six bites over the entire period i have worked with him where he has kept his arms still to take a bite without support. and i really am talking the lightest of pressures. if he moves his arms, the pressure comes off. it’s a very communicative process and kind of goes like this

1. his table is set up with his preferred music on and staff are sitting with him. he is smiling and bobbing his head to the music with his hands in his lap or drumming on the table. staff gently lay their hand or arm on his forearm or hand. sometimes he holds their hands and twiddles their fingers. one staff member offers a mouthful of food to him and after a moment or two he stills his head, opens his mouth and takes the bite

2. staff present another bite, but he raises his arms and motions to bat it away. staff take their arms and the bite of food away, and he has a bit of a shake or a dance. he might cuddle staff briefly or pull faces at them and laugh with them. he starts drumming on the table again and staff resume the light pressure and offer the bite, which he takes

3. he raises his arms and pulls them into himself, frowns and makes a groaning noise. staff joke with him and he laughs but staff understand through his body language and vocalisations that he does not want the next bite. staff ask if he wants a drink and he smiles and relaxes his posture. staff resume the light pressure and offer him the drink, of which he has several sips. after this he resumes eating

those three stages are kinda what you can typically expect. sometimes he’s eating happy as you like, sometimes he wants a drink and sometimes he needs a moment. if he is feeling unwell in some way or the process isn’t working for him, he will groan, grimace or maintain constant motion and you know he is saying a clear ‘no.’ it happens. it was very very hard at first to feel as if you were overriding his ‘default no’ at every mealtime, but the unfortunate fact is his health would be at risk if his involuntary or reflex actions dictated when he eats. gastrostomy has been considered as an option but it would impact him negatively in certain ways and carry a number of risks, and would be considerably less of a choice than he has currently :/ ahhhh it’s a minefield

the more fortunate fact is that he does genuinely enjoy his food and mealtimes if his routine is followed to the letter and staff listen to him and keep the whole thing light-hearted. recently we’ve reached a point where at lunchtime, he will sit with his mouth open waiting for you to hurry up and load the spoon, goddamnit. laughing and smiling and joking around with staff the entire time, and eating everything in 10 minutes flat and looking around for more like ‘eating challenges who?’ 

sooooo anyway, when this fucking supervisor decides to tell me soemthing that amounts to restraint and completely misses the point of how this boy eats, it pissed me off all day. 

then when lunchtime rolled around the only staff available to join us for lunch support was someone i really get exasperated with. this staff member insisted on taking the more active role (generally one staff member does the majority of the physical act of feeding, but it isnt a hard and fast rule and sometimes this boy prefers that you switch it around a lot) and i took what i thought would be the path of least resistance as we were a bit pinched for time, but ohhhhh my god! you would not think i had written two pages about how to support this boy, or at least you wouldnt think that this staff member read them. has he? idek. 

it was just so slow! so inexplicably slow! he was using a dessert spoon which was too big and wide and scoopy which was resulting in very tiny bites being taken from the tip of the spoon through necessity. he insisted ‘[name] prefers metal spoons’ which is not my experience. size and shape is more important - he prefers a smaller, flatter spoon because of the shape of his mouth and how he opens it. he had a large portion of fresh mac and cheese from our cafe that i thought would get finished in 10-15 minutes considering we had had such an active day and i knew he would be hungry and it’s his fav, but it wound up taking 40 minutes because this staff member was literally delivering 1-2 pieces of macaroni at a time, and he KEPT PAUSING WITH THE SPOON IN MID-AIR JUST TO TELL ME A FUCKING ANECDOTE

sometimes mealtimes are long and it’s fine, that goes for so many of the kids who like to take their time, but this person knows when something is going on longer than it needs to and he loses patience. wouldn’t you? sometimes he likes to take his time but he doesn’t like to wait around for you to wrap up your fucking self-aggrandising little story about someone you used to work with who was just like him and how good you were at it

the macaroni was cold by the end and so was my heart

[ta1lulah]

yep. so apparently this is what i’m doing with my quarantine time now.

i am going to rank every travis scott song from his studio albums. there are quite a few instances where i find it impossible to put one song over the other, so the top 1-10 is pretty interchangeable to me. including the deluxe edition songs, there are 47 songs for me to rank in total.

this is in no way me trashing trav’s music (if you don’t know me i literally live so far up his ass that if he sneezed i would come out of his nostrils and have done for many years), it’s just something that i am scarily qualified to write about and should entertain me for a while.

just as a quick pre-cursor to the list: birds is my favourite trav album by far and astroworld had a lot of skips for me, so of course that is reflected. if you don’t agree with that i don’t really care; my mind cannot be changed.

yes i am aware that owl pharaoh and dbr exist.

i’ll explain my choices as best as i can, let’s go

47. wonderful

i fucking HATE this song. ruins the entire vibe of birds and the only song on the entire record that i will ever skip. after having the ends as an intro and apple pie closing off rodeo, i just don’t know what this song is doing. it needs to be deleted

46. nc-17

it’s ok. i just always skip it and it’s very plain to me, i’m not mad at it

45. stop trying to be god

SO overrated. i don’t get it at all. boring fucking song to me

44. rip screw

as above

43. carousel

loved it when i first heard it but it got old super quickly and has little replay value to me. bangs when you haven’t heard it in a while

42. coffee bean

in theory i should like it but i just don’t like the execution. i appreciate it but it’s not for me

41. flying high

i know this song gets trashed on a lot and i dont agree with that completely. it’s a good song but again doesn’t have the heavy replay value that the majority of rodeo has (not to mention it ruins the flow of rodeo, in my opinion)

40. houstonfornication

OVERRATED. when astroworld dropped i saw so so many people putting this in their top 3 off the record and i simply don’t get it at all. it’s a solid song but it’s boring, i never find myself putting this song on voluntarily

39. sicko mode

it was inevitably going to come in low. you may know that i dont trash talk drake, but seriously fuck the second half of this song that drake RUINS. i could happily go about the rest of my life without hearing this song ever again. trav’s first verse is the only reason this is not placed in the 40’s

38. ok alright

from this point on i dont dislike any of these songs and this was pretty painful to place. this song goes, but i am unable to place it any higher. it just feels like a (very good) throwaway track that got slung onto the deluxe edition. also q and trav should sound better than this, i think they could’ve made something better than this track together, i wanted their song to sound like it could’ve been on oxymoron (a wholly flawless record).

37. who? what!

i’m actually really fond of this song and listen to it a lot. to me it just sounds out of place on astroworld and was definitely a huncho jack throwaway

36. stargazing

the beat change aged like old milk. i will admit when i first heard this though, i loved it so much. and the feeling you get when the intro to stargazing starts playing before trav comes out on stage is unmatched, so it has a special place in my heart for that alone. in terms of astroworld as a whole, i think it’s the perfect first song for the album

35. goosebumps

maybe ive heard it way too many times, i’m not sure. but it would feel wrong for me to place this in my top 30, i dont find myself putting it on ever. a classic nevertheless

34. pray 4 love

i used to fuck with this song so much but recently it’s just not doing it for me. something about listening to it now just makes it sound corny to me. “wanna know my dick longer than a pringle box” will live on forever

33. wake up

bangs, but again this song is corny as fuck (maybe it’s just the weeknd as i’m seeing a theme now)

32. 5% tint

solid song, can’t put m y finger on it but it just lacks personality, outro is godly though

31. guidance

i love this song seriously, but i can understand why lots of people don’t. it fits perfectly on birds and it’s placement within the album is stunning, but as a standalone track it’s pretty weak. i would love trav to make more songs in this style

30. wasted

this song is slept on, i love it so much. but if the yung lean version had made it onto rodeo this would be a top 10 track EASY.

29. butterfly effect

we all know this song goes, i listened to this way way way too much when it was first released

28. outside

this was painful. the 21 savage feature is flawless, this song is so interesting to me. beat is gorgeous

27. astrothunder

pretty song, didn’t blow me away but i’m super fond of it. the way tracks 11-15 of astroworld play is perfect and really redeemed the album for me

26. 90210

yep. honestly if this is in your top 3 favourite travis songs i have nothing to say to you. beautiful song, second half is stunning, we all know that, but how is this top 3. LISTEN TO BIRDS IN FULL!!!

25. yosemite

i really like this song but i can’t take it seriously because of nav microphone-gate. (u know)

24. lose

i LOVE this song, but it’s not strong enough to be top 20. it’s a cute song, i dont know

23. piss on your grave

this song has such a special place in my heart. the motherfucking visuals!!!

22. 3500

the future verse. that is all.

21. beibs in the trap

the way this is placed on the album are you kidding me?! perfect. and yes, because it’s nav it missed out on a top 20 spot. it is what it is (the trav verse is absolutely flawless in every way)

20. never catch me

this deserved to actually be on rodeo rather than a deluxe track. the production wooooowwwweeee

19. maria im drunk

i cant even put into words the way i felt hearing thug say “travis scott” on this song for the first time. and the fucking justin bieber verse! godly

18. sweet sweet

such a *sweet* little song, i have an extreme soft spot for it

17. antidote

i dont have to explain this.we all know this song. if you havent seen it live all i can offer you is my deepest condolences

16. through the late night

kid cudi means everything to me and this partnership was always going to create something sensational <3 it is everything i was expecting and more (side note: i am coming back to this a couple of days later after THE SCOTTS has been announced, yes my entire life is made, and when the joint album drops best believe i will be writing a several thousand word post about it)

15. pornography

there couldn’t possibly be a better opening track to rodeo. this shit is like onomatopoeia, i know u know what i mean

14. skeletons

travis and kevin parker working together! of COURSE the song is this beautiful!!! i need an entire joint album plzzzzzzzzz

13. the ends

3 stacks. no more needs to be said (actually i will say that the fact that he was supposed to narrate this album like ti did for rodeo and that it never happened routinely keeps me up at night)

12. apple pie

this was my favourite song off rodeo for a loooooooong time. im a loser and still tear up when i listen to the record in full and hear the last lines

11.  no bystanders

purely for sheck’s “BITCH!”

10. can’t say

it’s true i do transcend every time i hear “gotta take a long drive up the hill”

9. sdp interlude

perfect in every single way. how/where it’s placed on the record is breathtaking. would be in the number 1 spot if it was longer

8. nightcrawler

oh the sosa verse really means everything to me

7. pick up the phone

come on now. all i will say is this: experience this song live, do yourself a favour. i have a fantasic video of trav and thug performing this live at wireless 2019, but unfortunately my manic screaming/crying ruins the whole fucking video. so just take my word for it

6. coordinate

i genuinely cant fathom how perfect this song is. i hate to use the word “vibe” but jeez the *vibe* this song gives off is unlike any other. THIS is my favourite style of trav’s music

5. impossible

legitimately get chills every time i hear “split a pack of the woods down”. yes. the production!

4. way back

everything about this song. the  second half. again, see this song live is a spiritual experience. also, i couldnt love this song any more but then uzi samples this and it just gave me a WHOLE other layer of appreciation for it. what a fucking song (both prices and way back)

3. i can tell

just listen to this again. the “take it up another notcher” part. how is it real?!!!

2. first take

SOOOOO underrated. never in my life would i ever think that the sentence “bryson tiller killed that” would leave my mouth but here we are. the way this transitions into pick up the phone.

1. oh my

we made it!!!! honestly i struggled so fucking much to find a #1 but i think it will have to be this song because it is just so sentimental to me. when i first listened to rodeo this was immediately my favourite song off it and it still remains perfect in every way several years on. quavo in the second half of the song is STUNNING, words just dont do anything about this song justice

if anyone read to the end here we go, if you think my choices were fucked up and idiotic feel free to send me hate via instagram dm (@ta1lulah, plug!)

my actual favourite travis song of all time fucking ever is skyfall, but as i put earlier i was only ranking songs from studio albums.

in conclusion, birds is a criminally misunderstood masterpiece -ta1lulah

[eirosbraindump-blog]

BRAIN DUMP ENTRY #1

November 8, 2018

Thursday: around 10:30 in the morning

Hello, Joe!

It has been a long time since I called you that. Usually I would just slam words and feelings at you and have forgotten the reason why I named you Joe. i wanted to have someone whom I can always rely my stories to, and that is my journal, it is you Joe.

I wanted to have a friend whom I can trust the secrets of my life with, because as of now I don’t think I have one.

Side comment: Fuck, this is very unusual of me to do journaling early in the morning because most of the times I do this at night pero kailangan ko na magreflect. I need to do something productive because I think I’ve been wasting a lot of time.

______________________________________

Around almost 7 in the pm. Lol haha. Whut???

OKAAAAAAY, so it’s basically NOV. 9, I got distracted by movie watching yesterday and left this one hanging. I’m such a fool. I haven’t done anything productive and I’m pissed off with myself because even journaling, di ko matapos tapos. Sooooo yesterday I just watched a couple of movies (not that important) and then drowned myself on the internet, AGAIN.

Thoughts raging, scribbled memories and fucked up mind. That is basically who I am right now. I don’t even know what to write. I got a lot of thoughts going on in here.

I made iced oreo coffee btw. I’m proud, though i still have to perfect it. but I’m proud. Hehe

So back to my magulong sarili, I watched a movie a while ago. Crazy Rich Asians. It’s a good movie though, while watching that I have a lot going on in my mind. First, I got jealous with the girl because how can she be that lucky! Like oh my gosh Rachel, u got a crazy rich man like that who really loves you and then you only gonna turn him down! She is really a strong woman btw. Nick’s family hates her and she just got along with it. SECOND, arrrgh that movie made me feel how single I am and it made me miss my fckin ex-boyfriend AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH. As much as I wanted to forget that asshole, I can’t. because you know what? He gave me two years of happiness that I can’t just forget, bet nobody can do that to me, even my family. Though I appreciate them, every moment of my life I’ve loved my family especially my parents. But there’s just something with Kiko that really made me who I am today. When I met him it was like I finally knew who I really am. I found myself you know? I learned so much for the past two years that I’ve known him. It taught me so much lesson. Life taught so much. I became to appreciate little things because of him. Although I know that we’re not that lowkey to everyone but our treatment, the way we treat each other is kami lang ang nakakaalam at kami lang ang nakakaramdam. Damn you, kiko. I loved you. I really did love you so much it came to the point that it broke my heart really bad. I still love you up until now though, but I don’t think I’m in the right position to love u like I loved you the way I did before.

Kani-kanina lang, I’ve watched a video about journaling, I forgot the name of the girl but there’s this one thing that she said that I can’t forget (though she just re-quoted it, she’s really not the one who said that, I think.) “Forgiveness is the way/road to Happiness.” I don’t think that I have completely moved on yet, I’d just lie to myself if I said that I already did, but I don’t know if I have completely forgave you, and I know that I have been a bitch at times to you (on social media) and to your girl. But that girl is really being a lowclass obsessive bitch she’s really like nagpaparinig sakin na parang mas affected pa siya kesa sating dalawa. Aarrrghh. I cant just be happy for you yet. You really broke my heart Ching. Anyways, as I was saying, that girl on the video also said to write a letter of forgiveness to someone because it will help yourself to freeload your bothering thoughts. So I decided to do that, not just now because I cant promise myself (yet) that I won’t get affected just by seeing your random jejemon-ish pic with the girl i-was-once-got-jealous-into-but-you-said-to-me-don’t-because-she’s-just-a-friend-who-turned-out-to-be-your-girlfriend-today together with you.

Aside from hating and loving my ex at the same time, I have more randomly important life-related thought still going into my head like: what am I going to be after graduation? because I never saw myself being an employee. I don’t know, whenever I think of what am I gonna be, I just see me walking with confidence together with high-fashioned business clothes with high heels and sunglasses inside a random office building. Maybe I’m gonna be a ceo or something. Haha. And then there’s this purpose chorvaness of me. like, what is really my purpose in life ba? What is my actual calling? Am I gonna be like this forever?

Eiro, you know yourself better than anyone else. I can see who am I on the inside, but theres this one thing that I can’t see that people can see: who am I on the outside. Let me give you an example kung gaano kagulo ang personality ko (idk if personality is the right term but. . .) 1. Before sembreak came, I was like ‘oh I should do something productive on sembreak, like I should re-learn photoshop, read books, learn something new and blablabla.’ Some of that happened syempre kasi I was in the urge of reconstructing and discovering me diba? I re-learned Photoshop but I stopped when I got proud of the first project that I made. I didn’t even bother continuing the second project. And then I read a book naman although–haha, I stopped, I don’t know why pero gabi ko kasi binasa yun tapos kinabukasan I didn’t bother to touch it. I cant say that it’s the same old eiro kasi di naman ako ganito dati. You know what? I’ll be harsh to myself, I became a fucking ningas cugon na!

(break muna nandito na parent ko hehe)

Bello. It’s NOV 13 na and I can’t even get this fucking done. It’s around almost 10:30PM so maybe I’ll be like medj sabaw na hahahaha. But I need to get this done you know?

So many things have had happened this past days. Im afraid that my parents are losing their sparks for each other, and I don’t want to let that just fade, so I always make a way to remind them the reason why they stayed at each other’s side. My mum can be stubborn sometimes and my dad is a big pain in the head. Theyre both a pain in the head.

My relationship with kiko is a big blessing in disguise. Yung mga lesson na natutunan ko is naapply ko sa mga magulang ko. And I’m proud of what I did to both of them. I have so many problems in life and I don’t want my family to be one of them. Aside from my friends, sila na lang ang pinagkukunan ko ng lakas at ayoko naman na pati sila ay maging dahilan ng pagsuko ko. Lord please give me strength.

My parents are okay now. I guess the advices that i gave to them works. I love them so much and it hurts me whenever I see them into cold war.

So yesterday, I have this kwento. I dreamt of kiko. I dont want to forget that dream kaya I immediately get my phone and wrote down what happened. Here’s what I wrote:

“11/12/18 4:47am grudgy and sleepy. but idon wanna forget this dream that i had. i meed to write this i had a dream i was with kiko we are on the fx daw and we were standing i know right haha basta fx yun you know dreams are weird sa pagkakaalam ko we were going to sm north edsa and i was hugging him while standing. and he keeps giving me forehead kisses. puta namiss ko yun. pero may isa akong nagawang mali, binitawan ko siya. kumalas ako sa pagkakayakap sa kanya sa kadahilanang majudge ng mundo. were fckin doing pda on that ride. i hate myself for that. binitawan ko siya pota (nakuha tuloy ng iba). then i woke up. Lord, please stop giving me dreams like that. iniisip ko tuloy na sign siya or something. lalo po akong umaasa. please sana yung nangyari po na yun panaginip na lang na habang tumatagal nakakalimutan. i am happy Lord kasi having a relationship with kiko taught me so many lessons that i can say i already applied to some. i see it as a blessing in disguise. pero, how long will i keep hurting Lord?  -your broken daughter,Eiro.“

Yeah, I kinda forgot that ganyan pala yung mga sinulat ko.

Kiko having a girlfriend is a big slap on my face. I think I lowkey gonna accept pa if he broke up with me just to save the relationship, kaso hindi eh. Pinagpalit ako friend. Agad! Alam mo ba yung feeling na parang wala ka ng karapatan na mag selos at mangamusta man lang sa kanya kahit gusto mo kasi alam mong may nagmamayari na sa kanya? Yung parang ang only choice mo na lang is mag move on at parang wala ka na sa lugar masaktan? Though I’m really moving on, may mga times lang na pagdumadating yung mga dates na  ay kinalaman sa kanya is biglang bumabalik lahat ng sakit. All I have to do is wait for that day to be over. And it is so dumb of me because I didn’t even noticed that 4 fucking months have passed and the pain that I am feeling is the same like it just happened yesterday.

Anyways, you know I really need to stop talking about them no? kasi it’s bad for a moving on Eiro.

So It’s almost 11pm and this time is way passed my sleeping time. I just got a lot of brain dump going on that I need to write or else I think I’ll get crazy.

Kinakamusta ko lang naman yung sarili ko and I just really wanted to finsh this entry. And also I am requiring myself to reflect weekly, if not, monthly. Just so I see my improvements and how far I’ve come.

Another side story or cause di ko lang maisingit sa iba hahahah. I am so much thankful for my friends. They really helped me cope up with my problems and helped me get up in my broken situations.

And oh my gosh, nakakainis pala kasi Kiko is using our slangs when we were still a couple sa new gf niya. Like omg ang lame lang at nakakainis kasi. Di ko maexpress through sulat yung nararamdamn ko pero its like a big “PUTANGINA BAKIT?” to my face.

I know bashing them and ranting here are useless, pero kasi it helps me cope up with my problem. Kailangan ko lang mailabas to and to let myself believe that I’m the better one. Friends also said to me that the best revenge is to show them that you are not affected kasi pag pinakita mong apektado ka, ikaw yung talo. And to show kiko that you improved and that youre even happy without him is the best that you can give to him and to yourself.

Girl, I. AM. SERVING!!!

You got served mf a-hole together with your bitch! Jk I still care for you, Ching.

Oh right, shit. With these raging thoughts and feelings, I really need to write a letter to Kiko. Di nga lang yung letter of forgiveness hehe.

So I think that’s it for today, I still have a lot going on though. Hehe

- Confused Rose