#i feel like i said most of when i wanted to already so this'll probably be just actual tags lol

[muse-matrix]

So... It's been a while since I last logged in here. Longer still since I properly did... much of anything here, outside of a few scattered posts. Part of me had been kinda dreading coming back here but looking at when my activity really dramatically dropped off, I think I understand what happened.

So, way back in february of last year, I was bouncing between a lot of things. I was running around doing a bunch of stuff to try and secure a new job, and I did manage that- A big component of my not being here was just me adjusting to having to work again, after being unemployed for almost an entire year. It was tough to get the right structure going, but I managed it. And despite starting college just a couple weeks ago, I've mostly managed that too so far, I think.

But that isn't... the main reason why. Probably. I think.

You see, what else happened in february, was that I got booted from a community I'd been a part of for years. It encompassed my involvement in a card game I loved, as well as the FF14 free company I'd been part of at the time. Someone who was, at one time, a good friend of mine misinterpreted something, and was so incensed by it, they took some things I said out of context and absolutely slandered me to the mod team of that community. (Yes, it actually is as bad as it sounds. I checked.) As a result, I was privately labeled some pretty nasty things, and shunted from their discord server without so much as a word. None of them would speak to me, none of them would even give me a chance to tell my side of things.

Obviously, that stung. A lot.

It had me pretty dejected about a lot of stuff, for a really long time. Probably why I mostly got off of here- I retreated to a different blog where there was less pressure (self-imposed) and more freedom for me to just, kinda, do whatever I wanted without fear or worry. I needed space and freedom to move myself around how I wanted for a while. And then that led to me feeling bad about not coming back here, which made me put off coming back here even longer... You see where this goes.

But at this point, it's been a year and a half. I'm pretty much over that fiasco, I haven't spoken to any of those people since, and they've evidently been content to leave it alone too, given I haven't had any mobs of angry pitchfork-wielding card game players coming after me.

And recently, Kako came back! She's RPing again and that's fun to see. I know a lot of you I've still been in contact with regardless, her included, so most of you probably are already aware of a lot of this stuff, but writing all this out is part of my process, so bear with it. The important thing is, after a lot of time and thinking about things, and seeing friends return to RPing and watching things happen from afar... God, do I want to get back into it with you all.

I very likely still won't be super active, but I'm going to at least try to be consistent. This is supposed to be my main, after all. I'll probably take the next week or so to clean up the muse list, cut a bunch of stuff, get a bit more focused and the like. Not that I'll actually stop playing any given muse- I'm wont to flip-flop between characters I enjoy, and I'm loathe to let fun interactions pass me by just because a character 'isn't on my muse list', but I ought to give myself a bit of structure, at least.

So... I'll try to be here every day, at least. Even if it's just to check in. This'll be a fresh start for me, I'd say, not that any of my old lore or whatever is getting abandoned. It's just... It's been a long time. It'll take some easing back into things for me, so I'm not even going to worry about whatever asks have been left to rot in my inbox, stuff like that.

Given it's been such a long time, some of you may... have blogs that I'm not currently following, cause I've missed them or what have you. So uh, if that's the case, please shoot me a message so I can correct that.

[itsnothingofinterest]

A happy Easter all. I've thought up a new theory and I'm sharing it for the holidays weather you like it or not. A cool way I think the could play out the AFO reveal I've been so negative on that I'd be far less negative on

So we all know how we're expecting AFO's next move with Tomura to play out, yes? He'll reveal he gave Tenko Decay and orchestrated the death of the Shimuras and this'll rock Tomura to his Tenko-shaped core and let AFO take control.

But suppose, since AFO just needs to shake Tomura's resolve, that he'd say that even if Tenko was born with Decay? Or to go further, let's say AFO plans to "reveal" the opposite of whatever Tomura thinks, since nothing's stopping him from saying whatever gets him what he wants; if Tomura thinks he was born with Decay, AFO'd say he gave it to him, but if Tomura thinks AFO snuck him Decay as a child, he'd tell Tomura he was born with it.

Because as @codenamesazanka pointed out, Tomura logically could've suspected the 2nd possibility. If someones quirk ruined their life in a way that just so happened to lead them to AFO's orbit where they his bidding, they'd probably consider at least once if they got played by the famously resourceful manipulator. So let's say Tomura did suspect that; starting from around when he got his memories back. That is around the time when he starts thinking of 'Sensei' far less respectfully, and he's already pretty open about knowing just how much AFO manipulated him. Perhaps he could even find comfort in it for a time, thinking that tragedy may not have really been his fault. But then, let's say he goes looking for the truth. Spending around a month at the bottom of AFO's brain merged with his own, he'd certainly have ample opportunity for it. And suppose he finds it; and next time he gets out, that truth causes a change in how he sees himself that he didn't express much before the mind-meld.

AFO: "You foolish vessel, you think you've been in control? This whole time you've been a pawn in my plans, for I-!" Tomura: "'Gave you your quirk that killed your family.' Is that what you wanted to say 'master'?" AFO: "???" Tomura: "You can't think I didn't consider that? Knowing your quirk? Your personality? Hehe, I know your last-ditch plan is to say whatever would most shake me on that piece of my past. Convenient how no one could dispute you if you lied. Except that I already poked around your brain while we were one for the truth. That I was, how'd you put it? Right, right. 'Born twisted.'"

It'd be a neat subversion, I think, on a twist we've all long been suspecting in the back of our heads (again, AFO's quirk makes it kind of an obvious possibility) but that, unlike the Touya reveal, I don't feel really adds much to the story besides giving Deku an easy out to Tomura (which I'd rather he not get). Plus, it'd explain Tomura ramping up the self-dehumanization, which I have been wondering about, and give him another chance to drop a diss-track on AFO. Who wouldn't want to see that?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(That said, I will admit I don't know what subverting the Decay theory does besides not giving Deku that easy out we expected he get and giving Tomura a chance to mock AFO. But then, I don't know what AFO's return is supposed to add to the story either way besides giving Deku a chance to finally fight him.

I mean: post for another time but with Yoichi/OFA gone there's not really any threat of AFO accomplishing any real objective of his. I mean he can mess with/kill these two characters I like; but that's kind of it. He's just kind of interrupting a more interesting conflict.

Just feels like we may as well see him die one last time here as an ineffective loser to compliment his body going out a crying pathetic baby fighting Bakugou. Let one last plan just fall apart.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Also, slight addendum to the theory; it maybe still could work if AFO did give him Decay if the "existence" Tenko hates himself for is more to do with being someone who killed his family than just being born with the deadly quirk that killed his family. But the alternative does flow with our impressions of what Tenko thinks & what AFO's about to say a bit more smoothly.)

[cloudinterlude]

Do you think Howard ever moved on from Steve and just “settled” for Maria or did he fall in love again? Almost all of the fanfics I read are about him settling for her but he don’t strike me as the type that settles.

He canonically never moved on from Steve, but I think he did love Maria. Or at least liked her a great deal more than most people. I don't think he settled for her at all. The thing about Howard that I've been chewing on a bit recently, is that: yes, his walls are miles high and inches thick, but it literally takes one (1) genuine person that sees through him to make him interested. I think I talked a bit about how sincerity in his usual circles was less likely to find than the coordinates to Hoffa's grave. He's spent most of his time in public, interacting with other people as a showman because he knows that that's the best way to navigate ~high society~.

We see the TINIEST bit of Maria, ever. BUT WHO AM I IF I DON'T MAKE A BANQUET WITH A CRUMB? Maria in the "flashback" scene (CACW) is shown to be a mediator between Howard and Tony. Telling Tony that Howard does miss him when he's gone. You will not believe with how far I ran with this one line after I watched Agent Carter. Here's where I got: Either Howard was verbally/reluctantly vulnerable with her, OR she learned how to read Howard like a book during her years with him. Both are likely. We've seen how when Howard is pushed enough, he will break and let a little emotion slip through. We also know that Howard's face is pretty expressive (probably to his ire) when it comes to emotionally intense subjects. Maria could have been someone who just...paid attention to Howard.

Also, one thing about Howard is that the people he's most fond of end up having a solid, morally good center. I mean, two we know of: Peggy and Jarvis - and so I take it upon myself to assume that Maria was the same. She probably wasn't some type of spy or agent or top executive, etc. But I do see her similar to...Ana (Jarvis' wife), for example.

But even apart from all this headcanon, Howard probably wouldn't settle, like you said. I don't think he is even the type to look for romance specifically. Howard wouldn't feel the need to settle. The only reason he would "settle" for having a woman by his side in that capacity is either it was the proper thing to do at his age (lol) or he wanted a chance to have children for his company. I've already said my thoughts on the latter and the former...Howard? Propriety? Lol. Obviously I'm missing a LOT of context for Howard's character, though and---I'm this far in the ask and I just realized that I may have misunderstood the nuance of the question. I just started rambling for no reason, woah!

Do I believe that Howard was still in love with Steve as he was with Maria? Yes! Do I believe that he saw Maria and said "this'll do" because she wasn't Steve? No! I think Howard's love for Steve was complicated anyway, so it can't really be compared with the love he feels for another romantic prospect. His love for Steve is tied up in so much guilt, self-hatred, longing, grief, shame (not shame from loving a man, but shame for still utilizing Steve's blood/serum and lying to Peggy about it, shame for never finding him, shame for never measuring up, shame for-) that it's kind of too dense for me to compare it to the love Howard had for Maria.

Thank you so much for the ask anon!! I've been missing answering things <3 <3 <3 <3

[chiffaust]

× . 𝗟𝗢𝗪𝗘𝗥 𝗢𝗡𝗘'𝗦 𝗘𝗬𝗘𝗦.

pairings. t. eichi/reader.

synopsis. you were someone dearest to eichi, it really is a shame it has to end this way, but you brought your downfall upon yourself even after his warnings.

content. angst, set in place during the war arc, implied suicide? (reader), dancing w him, he "executed" reader, can be read romantically or platonically?

(n) — take this shitty eichi angst while i work my way through writers block. i shouldnt have written this since i forgot most of the things that happened in the war but i cant get my grubby hands off the angst material it gives </3

Tension rose amongst you and the students of Yumenosaki—especially between you and Eichi, although it is probably one-sided in Eichi's part.

He knew although you were quiet; you were still stubborn. He had seen it before, watching you on stage all alone like that against powerful units of Yumenosaki.

You were truly an irrational idiot, but somehow he was enamoured by you.

And as he stands in front of you in the same stage he'd see you perform; all words disappeared one after another.

Why must you be so stubborn? Why won't you just back away when he specifically told you to stay out of his way?

He shouldn't even feel this sad, you brought this to yourself. Furthermore, he has already made up with the fact that he only views you as a tool to success; all like the others.

Sacrificing you is one step closer to it.

"We've come far, Tenshouin." You suddenly spoke, breaking him away from his train of thoughts.

"... Right. And to think that I'd be fighting against someone dearest to me too." He hung his head low, further trying to fight away the sadness soon envelopes his whole heart.

"And to think that you started off as a lonely boy too." Ah, how irritating. Must you really bring that up?

Nonetheless, he's still sad; this'll be the last time he'd ever hear you, no?

"But I never lied, Eichi."

Suddenly, you pulled him in closer, hands intertwined with one another. For one last time, you looked at him in the eyes. Just like this.

The crowds erupt into cheering at your sudden fanservice, but all of those entered and left his ears.

On this stage, it'll be the last time he would ever see you in an equal ground.

"Neither have I lied before," he suddenly swift you in, "—at least not to you." He twirled you around and dipped you onto the ground. Your lower half fallen as your hands gripped onto Eichi's hand for dear life.

"For an ill person, you sure do have a lot of energy to waste." You looked up to him, a smirk crawling up your face.

He knew that smirk; it wasn't your usual smirk, it seemed more nervous.

You were nervous.

"Fufu, I do want to give it my all fighting against you."

"But the promise we made, [Name]—it will not be broken." he said, letting go of your hand completely, the fall you faced was gentle; but you're sure after this fight your fall will be much worse.

For now, everybody's attention is on you. Every slight mistake you make, the crowds can see it—if not, the people you're about to fight against will.

Your mind wandered to his words before your performance. Right the promise. But do you even have the time to think about it now? This'll be your last time dancing on this stage, you should put in your all into it.

... But you're still going to be defeated completely to plump by that friend of yours, wouldn't you?

The thought made you stumble on your own feet; nonetheless, you had the perfect cover-up for it and continued performing as if nothing had happened.

"If we are to be separated, if we are to lose our way; I shall make sure we'll be connected, no matter how many times it takes." He whispered those words. You remember it vividly.

It was you who made that promise. From the corner, you and Eichi made eye contact. His smile still lingers, but you knew him well. He was sad that this has to happen.

If only you could just stay right there with him for a little longer. If only you were a better use to him to the point where he'd at least try and put in some effort in preventing you from doing this.

This feeling; it isn't love. It isn't hatred either, so what is it? Do you hate that man? Yes you do. But do you wish you'd just stay by his side forever? Yes you do.

Feelings are complicated, you wish you could be saved by this feeling instead.

Your performance ends and soon fine came out, dancing with grace and brilliance that you wish you'd achieve before you retire as an idol.

But you suppose you cannot get everything you want in your life.

The vote rendered to fine by a lot; a humiliating defeat for you, but you didn't care.

You clapped for they had stood victorious once again, your face soften as Eichi's only grows sadder.

"It's a promise. I'll wait for you, Tenshouin." Was your last word spoken to him before you went off stage.

Why is he reacting to his victory this way? Why was he sad that you didn't win?

Should he run after you? No, he shouldn't. That's a terrible idea.

"Eichi-kun? Are you okay?" A certain teammate of his asks, voicing his concern while the other had already gone offstage.

It is just the same at the end of the day.

"No, I'm fine. Let's go, Aoba-kun." Eichi replied, a rather weak smile he flashed his teammate that didn't seem like him at all.

"If only I could prevent you from leaving." Those words lingered in Eichi's thoughts as he steals glances to the seat next to him.

You are absent again for today.

Did the others give you too much headaches lately? He doesn't know. He wish he'd know what you're thinking most of the time, really.

No matter how many times he'd convince himself you didn't came to school, he still managed to find himself walking up the stairs to the rooftop.

For the final step he took and the slam of the door; he could only respond nonchalantly with a smile.

There you were, on the rooftop—orange rays of the sunset enveloping your figure as he walks forward—forward to you.

"It's quite nostalgic, isn't it?" Eichi asks, further and further getting closer to you who stood too closely to the railing. His heart beats faster and faster with every step he took.

"We... Met like this, right?"

"Correct. It is far in the past already, so it's not a surprise to see that you've forgotten about it already."

Silence overtook the two of you.

"Tenshouin—"

"I like you." Your voice overlaps with his. You locked eyes with one another, eyes widen in surprise.

Oh, how you pitied one another after the sudden confession.

Your gaze falls down onto the ground and so did his for a moment.

"—and that is why I offer you a proposal," he said, reaching out a hand to you. "Join fine with me. We'll fit great together as a team."

Your eyes widen once again, falling short to his proposal.

"I see great potential hidden deep within you; we're both the same, [Name]." He started to spoke, "—our motive, our reasoning; everything."

"You want to see this school change for the better, and so do I. We can change it if we work together, I'm sure of it."

"You can win your fans back once again, if not thousands of people more—with me, nobody would even dare bother you."

"With me, you can climb up the ladder of Yumenosaki's most powerful unit and punish those who deemed you wrong! Wouldn't you like that?"

"Please don't monologue your way through this." You immediately cut him off.

"Right, sorry." He apologized, smiling sheepishly at you. "Nonetheless, what do you say? Will you take my hand in offer?" He asks, smiling softly at you.

You were silent, replying with almost to no sound to his offer, but he still wanted to believe that there's some slight chance that you'd take it; take his hand and be together with him once again.

He really enjoys your company after all.

You took his hand, but not in a way he was expecting you to. His eyes widen as he was pulled closer to you, hands intertwined with one another.

Your gaze soften at his bewildered expression. Without any warning, you whisked him away into a waltz.

"We made a promise. We'd entrust our hearts to each other in order for no one else to steal it away." You said, waltzing along with the confused Eichi.

Eichi soon hung his head low, smiling. He can never really know just what you're thinking, can he?

"That is correct—although that was nothing more but a foolish dream instead of a promise."

"Must it be a dream? Don't you wish for it to happen? You do like me, no?"

"Right. I do like you, but it'd be better if it just stays as a foolish dream of mine; one that will never come true."

"—since you're going to leave my life sooner or later..." Was all he could mumble that day. He wish he'd reminiscence those memories with you longer.

The air was colder than usual, yet the same orange-tint light illuminates you just like the other times.

"I enjoy everything we went through together." You muttered, glancing back at him with a smile on your face.

"Laughing with you, crying with you, being with you..." You trailed off, your grip on the railing only tightens, "dancing with you..."

How much longer can we last? He asks to himself, unable to move from his spot. He wasn't sure on what to do. You didn't accept his invitation to fine, so he deems you as nothing but an obstace.

He should be viewing you as such, but he simply couldn't.

He really did enjoy your company. He really did, he never wanted all of this to happen—this'll never happened if you weren't so stubborn.

It is... Truly baffling.

So for one last time, allow him to return your kind gesture—allow him to whisk you away into a waltz, all like those times you'd do for him.

Ah, why are you looking at him like that? Well, he suppose it's going to happen considering he had "executed" you, but he did tried to help you fix your reputation back.

Your trust and admiration in him already dissolved into nothingness months prior, but nonetheless, you followed. Into the waltz you two shall dance for one last time.

He couldn't help but laugh; laugh it all away, ignoring the tears that's already forming at the corner of his eyes as he dips you.

He'll really miss you.

The waltz on the rooftop signify the end—the end of your everlasting relationship with him, whatever it is you two had between each other.

And that was the last time he ever saw you inside Yumenosaki too. There was rumors speculating around your disappearance—some say you committed suicide while some say you fled to live in another country as a normal high schooler.

He knows better than to trust baseless rumors, but the former does make more sense than the latter.

He has finally gain control over Yumenosaki completely. He does wonder, if you are here would you be happy? Would you continue to stay by his side or would it all end up like this nonetheless?

You are a true enigmatic. Wherever you are, he does truly hope that you'll find your happiness once again. As for him, he is happy now. He thinks.

[lavendermage]

Characters: thoma

Genre: sagau, no gendered pronouns 

TW: fear

1.6k words

AN: The Thoma centered fic I promised! (Ignore the fact that it's in the wrong series)

AN: I hate posting on mobile

    Thoma watched you with your head down, clutching your little bag. When reached out his hand to help you, you practically jumped away from him. You held yourself like a kicked puppy, unlike how confident you were with the Arataki Gang. You wore a mask, just like Shinobu.

    “So, you go by Goldie?"

    You nodded. “Itto started, now everyone calls me that.”

"My name's Thoma. I work for the Kamisato clan, I'll help show you around. I see you've got a mask, where'd you get it?"

"Shinobi gave it to me." Your eyes crinkled as you traced the grooves of the design.

    “It's beautiful." It was, the pattern swirling around your cheeks. "Do you always wear it?”

    “Yes, unless I’m with the gang.” Several emotions swept over your face, not giving him time to decode any of them. 

    “May I ask why?”

    You laughed bitterly. “Same reason anyone wears a mask. So others can’t recognize me.”

    He backtracked quickly. “Sorry, didn’t mean to intrude.”

    “No, it’s alright. I’m just … nervous.” You tugged the edge of your kimono.

    “Is there any particular reason?”

    “I try my best to stay away from large groups of people, for safety reasons." 

    “And now you’ll be staying at the Kamisato estate.” Thoma said, thinking. “I’ll see what I can do.”

    “Thank you. You seem trustworthy.”

    Warmth flooded his body as he processed your words. Why was such a simple phrase making him feel like this? He gathered himself quickly. "I'm glad you think so."

"So, when will I start work?"

"Tomorrow. Today's for getting used to the place."

"Ok." 

There was silence for a moment before Thoma spoke. "Do you like animals?" You looked at him and he quickly clarified. "Dogs and cats, I mean."

You nodded. "Yeah, why?"

He scratched his neck nervously. "Well if you want, tomorrow we could head to town. There's a place with tons of furry animals, we could feed them."

"Do you have time?"

"No need to worry about that, I'll figure it out."

"Alright, I'll take you up on your offer." You relaxed and smiled.

You saw the Kamisato Estate up ahead. The guards caught your attention.

"Halt. Thoma, who are you with." The guard towered above you and Thoma.

"A new servant. They've been cleared by Ayato, so there's no need to worry."

"Ayato doesn't do the clearances" He glared at you and you subconsciously shuffled closer to Thoma. 

He noticed and placed himself between you and the other man. "They're a special case. If you like, you could always bring it up with Lord Ayato." You marveled at his ability to stay calm.

"Alright, alright. You're free to go." He stepped aside. You could feel his stare boring into you back as you and Thoma passed. You sighed. This felt like the sort of thing that would be a problem in the future. 

"Mora for your thoughts?"

"Just don't like soldiers. They make me nervous." You hugged your bag closer to your chest.

Thoma made a mental note to tell the butler to assign a shift away from the guards. Plus your mask…based on what you've told him you probably wouldn't have a chance to take it off if you had a roommate. Maybe he could get you a separate room, though the only free rooms in the estate were tiny-

"So where will I be staying?"

"I'm working on it right now. What's the most important to you?"

"A separate place to sleep."

"Alright. Does it matter how big it is?"

"No, I really don't care."

"Ok. There's a free room here." He led you to the servants quarters and showed you the room.

It was bare and dusty and barely had enough space to lay a futon, but it was a room all to yourself. "This'll work, thank you!"

He looked at you in surprise. "Is this really enough?" You nodded. "Alright then, I'll start cleaning then."

You shook your head. "No, you have enough work already. I'll do it. Just show me where the cleaning supplies are."

He did and you started cleaning. He came by half an hour later.

"Are you sure you don't need any help, I'm taking a break right now."

You wiped the sweat off your face with your free hand as you stopped scrubbing the floor. "Exactly, a break! Go eat, get tea, or something." You scolded. "You don't need to work all the time, you know? You do so much already."

"You think so?" He tried to keep his voice calm despite his flustered state, and it worked enough, you didn't notice.

"Of course! Everyone knows how hard working you are. Or they're stupid." This was common knowledge, right? You looked up to see Thoma blushing bright red. "Are you ok?"

He turned away and scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah, I just… don't get this much praise often."

You bit back a grin. "People don't tell you that you're a miracle worker? That you hold this whole place together? That you have a cute smile?"

"Wait, what was the last one?" He turned even redder. "You're just messing with me!"

You laughed. "A little, but it's all true."

He sighed. "Are you always like this?"

"No, You're just easy to tease. Plus, you deserve to have your ego fed a little." 

You politely ignored his lack of a reply, instead continuing to clean. "Where are the extra futons?"

"Just down to the hall." He left. He probably had work to do, or maybe he had taken your advice and gotten some food. 

You wiped the floor dry and stood back to check your handiwork. The room was sparkling clean now, you noted with pride. 

"Excuse me." You moved out of the way to see someone with their arms wrapped around the futon in front of them. Thoma's head peeked out from behind the futon. "Where do you want me to put this?"

"I asked you where it was, not to bring it here!"

"Oh, sorry. Do you want me to bring it back?"

"No, you just didn't need to do it for me."

"I wanted to." He smiled boyishly.

"Thank you. Just drop it where ever"

He placed it gently and pushed it against the back wall. "Is here good?"

You nodded. "Thanks a lot."

"No problem." He pulls out a timepiece. "Break's over, see you later."

You waved. "Sorry for wasting your break."

"You didn't. I like talking with you." 

The knock at the door woke you the next morning. You stretched, feeling well rested. The futons in the Kamisato Estate were much softer than the Arataki Gang's. You pulled on your mask and opened the door to see Thoma standing outside holding a parcel.

"Here's your uniform. Did you sleep well?"

"Yep!" You smiled, your eyes crinkling above your mask. "So what will I be doing?"

"Breakfast is in thirty minutes, and you'll be shadowing me today. Then, we can see where you'd fit in best."

"Ok, I'll get dressed. Could you stay for a bit? I'm still not used to Inazuman clothing."

"Of course! Just call me in when you need help."

You closed the door and unfolded the garment. It was much more complicated than the simple outfit the gang had given you. You succeeded in pulling it on, but couldn't figure out how to tie it. "Thoma…"

"Need help? I'm coming in." He closed the door behind him before standing in front of you. "So, what can I help with?"

You showed him the issue and he started adjusting it. He circled around you, straightening the neck, crossing the collar, reaching into the fabric to tie the knots, clearly used to this sort of thing. His gaze was respectfully focused only on his work, ignoring your body. He stepped back to take a look at his work.

"You look great!" He smiled. 

"Thanks." 

"Now let's head down before we miss breakfast." He led you through a maze of halls to the kitchen. Servants who were already eating looked up from the food when you arrived. "This is the new hire, Goldie."

You waved nervously. 

"Izumi, Chiyo, can we sit here?" He gestured at the chairs next to the two girls and they nodded. 

You sat, taking a protein of fish, soup, and rice.

"You're cute!" One of the girls said. "Are you shy?" She tapped your mask.

"Maybe he's on the run, using his mask to hide from the Tenryo commission." The other giggles.

Your eyes widened in surprise.

"Chiyo stop, you're scaring him!" The first girl- Izumi- chided, swatting Chiyo's arm.

You buried your head in your bowl to hide your face. You ate quickly, trying to ignore their joking comments. The end of breakfast was called and you followed Thoma out.

"How do you like being teased?" He asked jokingly.

You just groaned in reply.

As you followed him around it quickly became clear that you were a jack of all trades. You learned everything easily, the tools always cooperative. You even learned to dress Ayaka, with her beautifully complicated kimono.

"We can put you anywhere, really." Thoma said, his hand to his chin. He suddenly grabbed his head.

"What's wrong?"

"Headache." He groaned.

"You had it this whole day, didn't you?" His little sighs throughout the day showed his pain.

"Yes." He didn't even argue. Good.

"I'll make tea." You walked off, not even giving him the opportunity to talk back. You returned moments later with a steaming cup of tea. "Drink up."

He took it, expecting something bitter, but the tea was mellow and sweet. His headache melted away, and he felt more relaxed than he had in weeks. He hummed his approval. "Where did you get the herbs for this?" 

You gestured vaguely towards the courtyard. "They're just lying around."

"If it's not too much trouble, could you make this for me tomorrow?"

"Of course! You've helped me so much, it's the least I could do to pay you back." The sun caught your hair as you smiled and you looked angelic, at least to Thoma.

[dunnswrld]

Hey babe!! 💗 I hope you’re having an amazing day :)

I just got my new sternum tattoo, the whore I am I imagined steveo and Johnny tattooing me, so I was wondering if you could write smth about it, hcs, an imagine idc- as much as you can think of <3

Just steveo and Johnny praising the shit outta reader aghhh ✨ cuz it hella hurts

First Tattoo

a/n: Hi! I hope you are having an amazing day too! Sternum tattoos are soooo cool I'm totally jealous you got one! Getting a tattoo with Steve-o and Johnny surely sounds lovely so I would love to write something for you! (Please keep in mind I have never gotten a tattoo so if I mess up on how tattoo artist do them work with me!)

prompt: You, Johnny, and Steve-o all agreed that you should get matching tattoos of the Jackass logo, but it's your first tattoo so you have the first tattoo shudders. But thankfully Steve-o and Johnny help you through it.

warnings: Fluff, fem!reader, tattoos!

"Is it gonna hurt?" You asked your two friends. You were currently sitting in a tattoo chair fiddling with your fingers punching yourself mentally in the face for agreeing to getting matching Jackass logo tattoos with your two close friend Johnny and Steve-o. Both the boys had already went; Steve-o first and Johnny second.

"Put shouldn't hurt at all with the stuff you've done." Steve-o smiled. "Yeah defiantly shouldn't doll, you've broke both your arms at the same time once this'll be a cake walk for you." Johnny said pushing your knee. "I don't know I don't really remember that pain." You said with a nervous laugh.

"Nothing to be scared of Yn! If tattoos hurt I wouldn't have so many." Steve-o added, which did calm you down a bit because Steve-o did have a lot of tattoos. "Where are you planning on getting it?" Johnny asked you. "My sternum." You said pointing to the area in the middle of your chest.

Johnny was very thankful he had his sunglasses on to cover up how wide his eyes opened as you spoke, that was probably one of the most painful areas to get tattooed. "Ooo feeling a little frisky I see." Johnny said trying to hide the fear he had of you finding out how badly that area hurts.

"Oh shut up." you laughed, Johnny letting out a breath as you didn't catch on. The tattoo artist walked back into the room holding a stencil of the Jackass logo and a fresh set of gloves. You turned your head to the artist who took a seat in the small wheeling chair next to you, he set down everything on a small tray next to him and began to open up a package of a new set of tools.

"This may be a little stupid," You chuckled, "But is this gonna hurt?" The tattoo artist looked at you then Johnny and Steve-o who were aggressively shaking their heads no then back to you. "Uh no not really you probably will feel just a pinch, shouldn't hurt too bad." The tattoo artist said, lying through their own teeth.

"You can take your shirt off or leave it on and just pull it up for me but I will need you to remove your bra for me if you are wearing one." The tattoo artist spoke as he put his gloves on. "At least buy her a drink first." Steve-o laughed, Johnny quickly joining him.

"Sorry about them they are pretty stupid." You giggled, you took your shirt off just enough to cover your boobs and unclipped your bra and took it off handing it to Johnny. Both Johnny and Steve-o giggling over your pink cheetah print bra. "Didn't know you were a cat Yn." Johnny laughed. "Shut it Knoxville."

The tattoo artist placed the stencil on you pretty quickly, handing you a mirror to confirm that's where you wanted it placed. When you said yes the tattoo artists was quick to get the tattoo gun set up.

"Do you need anything before we start like water?" The artist asked you, "Nope I'm all good." The tattoo artist nodded his head as he turned on his tattoo gun, you tensed up at the sound of the tattoo gun. Johnny noticing this and placing a hand on your knee, your body relaxed at your friends touch.

The tattoo artist started with a small line on the stencil of the tattoo, a odd sort of pain shooting through your body as the needles in the tattoo gun made contact with your skin. "Doing ok?" The artist asked you as he took the tattoo gun away from you, wiping away ink. "Never been better." You said through gridded teeth.

"See that wasn't so bad right?" Steve-o said with a small reassuring smile. "It did hurt pretty bad." You laughed nervously. The tattoo artist began to tattoo your skin again, this time a longer lines with quicker wipes to remove excess ink. You bite your tongue and didn't dare say to stop because it hurt.

"You're doing great doll just power through it." Johnny said. "Yeah you're doing great just focus on us and it'll be over in no time." Steve-o added. "If I focused on you two it would last even longer." "That's a bit mean." Steve-o said with a fake pout.

The tattoo artist hit a part in the tattoo where the pain seemed to intensify, your hand reaching out for either of the boys hands on your left for some sort of comfort. You felt Steve-o's calloused hand take yours as you squeezed his hand pretty hard, Steve-o rubbed his thumb in circles on your hand for a bit trying to relax you.

"Your almost done don't stress it dude. You are taking it like a true Jackass." Steve-o said, Johnny nodding in agreement. "Lucky for you yours was smaller than ours." Johnny smiled. For the rest of the tattoo you listened to Johnny and Steve-o's praises for how well you were doing.

"Dude your taking this like a total badass." - Steve-o probably.

"Almost done, you're doing so good." - Johnny probably.

When the tattoo was finally done the artist cleaned it a bit and told you the run down on how to take care of the tattoo, which you listened to very closely in fear of getting an infection.

"See wasn't that bad right? Even if it did you took it great." Steve-o said as he rubbed up and down your back as the three of you left the small tattoo shop. "Yeah you did great for your first tattoo, I was crying like a baby my first tattoo." Johnny laughed. "Well thanks guys, I probably would have cried like a baby too if you two weren't there."

"Yn!" Both the boys said in a cooing tone.

"Oh god shut up. Now let's go back to the hotel so we can get a picture of our tattoos."

[straightupsickfics]

This can be any amount of sentences you please, short or long, but I'm deeply obsessed with the lovely little protective Stede tidbit you wrote and was hoping to tempt you to write more? Can be protecting him from anything you like, but as perhaps the only other person in this community who doesn't particularly like Izzy, would be VERY interested in more of Stede protecting Ed from Izzy being a dick to him, or just not treating him gently enough

ahhhhh anon, you have come to the right (if very small) place. here is a little more protective stede for you! <3

****

Ed isn't supposed to hear any of it, he knows that. But he'd wandered out of bed, where Stede had insisted on him staying for the better part of the day.

Even the world's most fearsome pirate needs a proper sick day every now and again, dear, he'd said, and Ed had folded like a house of cards, just like he always did when Stede "strongly encourages" him to do something.

People underestimate Stede, maybe because he wears bright, frilly fucking shirts and reads grown men books about wooden dolls, but he's pretty damn convincing when he wants to be.

Ed's only out of bed because he desperately needs a drink, water or tea or rum or maybe all three. His throat's on fucking fire and he's coughed himself nearly hoarse already.

So he's nearly at the kitchen when he hears Izzy growling something or other, demanding to see Ed, probably. The man never did like being told no, even by Ed himself, and definitely not by Stede Bonnet.

So, when Ed sees Stede whirl around on his heel to face Izzy, almost nose to nose with the man, Ed has no choice but to stand still and watch it all unfold. Stede isn't afraid of Izzy, hadn't been even before he really knew him, and now, Ed knows, all he usually feels is a bit of mild indifference.

"I do believe," Stede says firmly, "that I told you Edward's feeling under the weather, and won't be back tonight? Surely even you can understand a sentence as simple as that?" Stede actually tilts his head to the side, like he's sizing Izzy up, and Ed has no choice but to laugh.

Well, he tries to laugh, but it comes out as yet another rasping cough, which makes Stede and Izzy turn to look at him in surprise.

"What are you doing out of bed?" Stede says, just as Izzy glares at him. "Call off your dog, Edward," he huffs.

Ed just shrugs. "S'not a dog," he says, his voice low and rough.

Stede looks pleased at this and Ed expects him to turn back to Izzy, but it seems he's more concerned with Ed's sudden appearance.

"You really could have just waited for me, darling" Stede says, wrapping an arm around Ed's waist.

"You're kidding me, Edward what the fuck--"

"I understand happiness is a foreign concept to someone as abjectly miserable as yourself, Israel, but please do us the great favor of fucking off," Stede says, arms still wound securely around Ed. It's not that he needs the protection, both of them know this is far from true, but it's still just... nice to have someone jump to his defense the way Stede does these days.

Nice to have Izzy's face do that thing where it looks like a wrinkled up grape, too. Makes even his worst cold symptoms almost worth it for this moment.

Almost.

As soon as Stede guides them back below deck and sits beside Ed on the couch, Ed's nose is already streaming again, and he sniffles a few times, before a set of sneezes shivers through him.

“H’ehhh… uhhEISH! huh… hhhrrEIShhooo!” Ed presses the back of his wrist to his nose until Stede clucks and passes him a soft handkerchief. It's yellow and embroidered with fine, thin flowers, surely too pretty to use.

"Here, this'll feel better on your poor nose," Stede says, pressing the fabric into the palm of Ed's hand. "I can go see about some tea for you. Think we have some lemons left, too..."

Ed doesn't want him to go yet, though, and as nice as the tea will inevitably feel, all he wants is to stay here, pressed up against Stede in bed like this.

"Never saw someone talk to Izzy like that without getting stabbed straightaway," Ed murmurs. He lets his head rest against Stede's shoulder, feels it shake with Stede's quiet laughter.

"I probably didn't need to be quite so harsh, but he talks to you like..." Stede trails off, searching for the words.

"I know. Think I just got used to it," Ed shrugs. The truth is he'd gotten used to a lot of things he didn't particularly like over the years, until he was entirely miserable at the idea of piracy.

Until he met Stede all those months ago.

"Well, you're an adaptable guy, Ed," Stede says, lifting the blankets and tucking them up and around Ed. "Look how well you've adjusted to taking a sick day." He beams at Ed, and he can't help but smile back.

"Reckon I can get used to a lot of things, with you around," Ed says, and relaxes into the blankets when Stede just leans over and drops a kiss to his lips, soft and sweet.

He's exhausted now, entirely run down from his cold, the argument, and his short walk above deck. Now, here with Stede and the blankets and the crackle of the fire, there's nothing but a growing warmth.

He really could get used to this.

[starshiningsirius]

Desperate pleas (Yandere Overblot Kalim x reader)

Happy Birthday to Ana! (@yandere-romanticaa) take this sunshine boi angst for both your birthdays as a present from me!

Edit on August 19, 2022: So there's this wonderful drawing the artist tagged me in, so I thought I'd link it here, it's of Kalim right before his overblot!

He was losing himself, he could feel it. Having Jamil betray his trust, he didn't want to believe it. He couldn't believe it. Though Y/n was comforting him currently it didn't help either. This was probably the first time throughout break she paid attention to him.

She was usually standing by Jamil's side. He tried convincing himself it was fine, she liked the servant instead of the one who could give her anything she wished. That's fine.

Who wouldn't like Jamil? He's smart and responsible two qualities Kalim himself knew he lacked. His magic was stronger than his. The same magic he used on him to scare everyone including her.

Ah, this wasn't good the aching pain in his heart had worsened. His vision was blurring, and he felt the tears stream down his cheeks.

Within the room fog had started to form. Y/n looked around and then she looked down at Kalim. This despair radiating from him, it was about the same as Riddle's. He looked so sad and she could see the tears. A complete contrast from his usual cheery demeanor. It made worry build up in her for him.

"Kalim-" Before she could provide any words of comfort he started laughing, it sounded forced.

"Ah, why? What did I do? Jamil's so smart, he's amazing, it's no wonder he has you too."

As a form of response rain suddenly poured down drenching them both. She instantly realized it as Kalim's unique magic. He said it only took a little mana but this downpour immediately started flooding the area.

"Kalim! You have to calm down, it'll be okay!" She had to yell over the on coming storm the water reaching her knees while it had already reached Kalim's waist considering he was on his knees already.

The coldness of the water started to bring upon shivers, she was sure she heard splashing coming from down the hall where the others had went to confront Jamil.

"I'm such a fool, but that's okay, you'll accept me like that right Y/n?" As calm as he said it the look on his face exhibited an empty feeling, it was scary to see that on him.

"Your always so nice to me, and you look out for me too. So you'll accept me that way? Ah, who am I kidding it's no wonder you fell for Jamil." He plastered that forced smile back on his face this one was twitching from smile to frown though.

Those last words were laced with spite too. Never something ever to assumed to came from Kalim, NRC's most cheerful student.

She couldn't answer him. The water started to swirl around him and her causing her to take a couple of steps back, but before she could get too far her wrist was grabbed.

For a second she almost felt as if the water swallowed her whole, she had to close her eyes. When they opened the person in front of her was no longer the Kalim she knew, this was much worser than anything Jamil had made him do under snake whisper. All of this was of his own accord.

The sultan's hat placed on his head and the new garbs he was dressed in symbolizing royalty but it didn't hide the fact that the ink floating about him wasn't dangerous and a reason to feel fear.

He seemed far more excited despite the despair that had loomed over him a moment ago. When his eyes met hers that excitement flared in his eyes a considerable amount.

"Y/n! This'll be so much fun! Just you and me! We'll dance till the night's at its end! No more traitors in the sultan's kingdom! You'll join me right?" He looked rather intense with glowing eyes and a veil of sorts covering one of them.

He had spun her around floating a bit higher in the air of the Scarabia common room. Pure joy as he held her bridal style with his newfound strength he gained. He hadn't experienced this much joy since he first realized he loved her.

To her all she had to manage was Kalim's clingyness. His insistent invites to the go on carpet rides and feasts without accepting a no. Not to mention trying to feed her at said feast. Ever since the magical shift tournament he couldn't get her radiance out of his head. This is finally his chance he always said Jamil was so much better than him in more ways than one. This was his chance to be better and finally appeal to you!

So caught up in his own head that he didn't realize she had yet give a response to him. She however was far too focused on something else entirely though as the splashing that got extremely louder since the last time she really honed in on it had entered the room.

Jamil and the others had arrived in the water logged room. Their shock more apparent then anything. Seeing someone whose demeanor had nothing but positivity be driven to overblot was unbelievable. They saw her being cradled by the dorm head smiling happily at his new found partner even though she never agreed to such a title.

A call of his love's name snapped him from his thoughts as he saw Jamil was the one who called it. It made envy and hatred bubble up in him in the form of aggression. With a wave of his hand he sent Octanivelle and Grim away a tsunami only the dorm head and his vice head left. Master and servant.

In this new form his glare seemed much more volatile when she had turned his gaze toward him at least. Different from when Jamil controlled him especially appearance wise. She could actually begin to understand how Jamil's plan was successful with the excuse of mood swings defining the dorm head's odd behavior. Now though he actually appeared more intimidating the blot had transformed him into something sinister not a facade especially with this being the real him.

He waved his hand but the effect was different this time. Jamil who had been glaring at him was surprised to find the water trailing up and forming a bubble of sorts around his head.

With a single yell of his name worrying for the safety of the person you actually loved Kalim had his attention drawn back to you. The tears that were welling in your eyes from anxiety were wiped away by a slick blot covered finger.

Jamil was starting to lose air more and more the bubbles that came from his lips were becoming more apparent. There was a pleading look in his eyes she'd never thought she'd see from him in her life. Her head was turned when Kalim grasped her chin and made her look into his ruby red eyes.

"You shouldn't feel any sympathy toward him, he doesn't deserve it. He tricked you too, what's stopping him from using his magic on you too Y/n!" His voice had gotten louder toward the end of the statement. The echoy god like tone had dripped with malice when he spoke of how the vice head could treat her.

"The world is full of dangerous people Y/n! Backstabbing traitors and assassains, I just want to protect you from all of it, please let me do that for you!" With pleading eyes it gave no room to answer him without a positive response. It would probably be the only way she could convince him to let Jamil go. Octanivelle would have to come back eventually and Grim as well. She had to have hope that the sunshine child would return from his love sick blot daze.

Masterlist

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #202

(Woof, we were almost a day late. Sorry about that, just got a second job. The first one at Facebook isn't working out that great. Anyway!)

Today on Fate and Phantasms we're getting a little bit beastly with the help of Atalante (Alter)! Move fast, hit hard, and outlast anyone who gets in your way. She's a Beast Barbarian for some beastly armaments and extra mobility, plus a Brute Fighter to hit harder and last longer.

Check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

Next up: They say every mentor learns from his students. This next servant really took that lesson to heart.

Race and Background

This Atalante is still a Shifter, but thanks to that beast's hide she's wearing, she's now a Beasthide Shifter, giving her +1 Strength and +2 Constitution (Thanks, Tasha!) She also gets Darkvision, Keen Senses for Perception proficiency, and a Toughness that gives her proficiency with Athletics. The big purpose of the class, however, is Shifting. You can transform into a fuzzier version of yourself for up to a minute once per short rest. Because you're a beasthide, your shift is a bit tougher than most; you gain 1d6+your level+ your constitution modifier temporary hit points, and your AC goes up by 1.

You're also still an Outlander, giving you Survival proficiency to live off of hydras. You would normally get athletics too, but you've got that already, so grab Persuasion instead. You're able to keep Yagas together, that's no small feat.

Ability Scores

You might be a wild animal now, but your speed is still your greatest asset, so your Dexterity should still be pretty high. Second highest now is your Constitution, that hide you've got on is really tough. And distracting, I mean you look like a goddamn Power Rangers villain. You kill things with your bare hands, so your Strength has to be up to snuff too. Your Wisdom is also above average, the Yaga seem to like you fine. This means your Intelligence isn't that great- you're not Chiron's star pupil this time. Finally, dump Charisma. You're a terrible liar, and you're hard to get along with.

Class Levels

Barbarian 1: Starting off as a barbarian makes your AC even better, thanks to Unarmored Defense. Now you can add your constitution and your dexterity modifiers to your AC while unarmored. (I know you technically get armor later, but it completely avoids your vital organs, so I'm not counting it.) You also get Rage, spending a bonus action to make you stronger (advantage on strength saves & checks), tougher (resistance to physical damage) and more brutal (bonus damage from strength-based attacks). Oh right, you also get proficiencies. Strength and Constitution saves, plus Intimidation and Nature skills. You're a scary wild animal, yes you are, yes you are!

Fighter 1: You still need weapons though, and rather than wait for two levels for your subclass, we'll go into Fighter right now for an Unarmed Fighting Style. You can punch people for 1d6 damage (1d8 if you have two hands free), and you can deal damage to grappled creatures if you start your turn holding onto them. You also get a Second Wind, healing yourself as a bonus action.

Barbarian 2: Second level barbs can make Reckless Attacks; you get advantage, your enemies get advantage, everyone wins! Except your enemies, because they'll all be dead before they get a turn. You also get a Danger Sense that gives you advantage on dexterity saves. You're still kind of a cat, I guess.

Barbarian 3: Third level barbarians set down a primal path, and the path of the Beast is for those who want to rip and tear, until the job is done. Right now you get a Form of the Beast when you rage, giving you one of three natural weapons. You can bite, dealing 1d8 piercing damage and regaining HP once per turn if you're bloodied. Otherwise, you can use your Claws to deal 1d6 slashing damage, and you get one extra attack with them per turn. The last one's less in character, but you can still grow a Tail if you want, dealing 1d8 piercing damage on attack, and you can use your reaction to apply a d8 to your AC against an attack that hit you. You also get Primal Knowledge in another barbarian skill. Pick up Animal Handling, it might help with the Yaga.

Barbarian 4: Bump up your Strength for better fighting. Real simple.

Barbarian 5: Fifth level barbs get an Extra Attack each attack action, as well as Fast Movement giving you an extra 10' of speed each turn. Turns out, you're fast! Who knew!

Barbarian 6: Sixth level beastbarians find their Bestial Soul, making their rage weapons magical against resistances. Whenever you finish a rest, you can also Self Evolve in one of three ways. You can gain a swiming speed and breathe underwater, a climbing speed that negates the need for climbing checks, or you can add an Athletics check to your jump distance once per turn. Normally, you can make an 8 foot long jump without runnig. Now you can jump a distance between 15' and 34'. It's a pretty good jump boost. The jump is the most in-character, but feel free to evolve whatever you need for the situation.

Barbarian 7: Seventh level barbarians grow even faster, with their Feral Instincts giving them advantage on initiative rolls, and you can ignore a surprise round by raging. Which you'd probably do anyway, so just roll with it. Speaking of raging, when you do so, you can make an Instinctive Pounce to move half your speed as part of the bonus action. You're not as fast as your archer self, but this'll help close the gap.

Fighter 2: Yep, we've got enough primal stuff, time to make it hurt. Bouncing back to fighter now gets you an Action Surge. Once per short rest, you can add an extra action to your turn, no strings attached. Use this to attack and you can hit people four times per turn, or five times with your claws!

Fighter 3: Third level fighters get their martial archetype, and becoming a Brute makes you a bit more heavy-handed. Your Brute Force lets you add a d4 to every damage roll you make with your weapons, and the die grows as you level up. This means your teeth are now arguably as strong as a greatsword.

Fighter 4: Another ASI! Bump up your Strength.

Fighter 5: Unfortunately, the fifth level of fighter gets you absolutely nothing. Extra attack doesn't stack like that. :(

Fighter 6: Use this ASI to grab the Mobile feat, for extra movement and the ability to shut down the attacks of opportunity from anyone you tried to hit this turn. Getting hit is for slow people.

Fighter 7: Seventh level brutes get Brutish Durability, adding a d6 to every save they make, up to and including death saves. If this brings a death save to a total of 20 or higher, you automatically pop back up with 1 HP. Barbarians tend to make the most death saves out of any party member, might as well be good at it.

Fighter 8: Another ASI! Grab the Martial Adept feat for a superiority die (1d6) that you can use to perform one of two Battle Master Maneuvers once per short rest. A big part of this build is adaptability, so the final say in what maneuvers you get is up to you. That being said, I highly recommend Ambush for a boost to stealth and initiative rolls, or Maneuvering Attack for even more mobility. It adds damage to your attack, and you can let one friendly creature (including you) move half its speed without provoking opportunity attacks from the target.

Fighter 9: Now that you're Indomitable, you can re-roll a failed saving throw once per long rest. I know berserkers are glass cannons in FGO, but that's just how they flavor their easily tricked nature, really they're hard as hell to fight, even if you've got fireballs and shit.

Fighter 10: Tenth level brutes get a bigger Brute Force die, now you add 1d6 to every attack, so your hands are as powerful as a greatsword. You also get an Additional Fighting Style, so grab Superior Technique for a second superiority die per rest and a third maneuver of your choice.

Fighter 11: Eleventh level fighters get another Extra Attack, and this one does stack, so you can attack up to 6 times per turn, or 7 with your claws and your action surge.

Fighter 12: Use your last ASI to become Resilient to Dexterity saves. You get +1 dexterity, and proficiency with that kind of save. So yeah, you now have advantage, proficiency, and an extra 1d6 against that fireball. Good luck, spellcasters.

Fighter 13: Our capstone level is a second use of Indomitable per day. Not the flashiest way to end a build, but at least you're not a sorcerer.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

When you want to hurt someone, they really hurt. With four claw attacks and three unarmed attacks, all boosted by rage, maneuvers, and brute force, you can deal 3d8+13d6+42. And those are all with advantage, so you've got a good chance of dealing a crit. Even without that chance, you can still deal over 100 damage in a single turn with average rolls.

You've also got plenty of Mobility to stay on top of your prey, with a base movement of 50' per turn and the ability to jump an absolute minimum of 20', or you can swap in other kinds of movement if you're going to the sea or a cliff face. You've also got several ways to pour more speed in if you need it. You won't be able to win a race against your archer self, but you'll definitely make her work for it.

Your saves are ridiculous, especially your physical ones. You've got proficiency in all three, good scores, an additional 1d6, and your strength and dexterity saves probably have advantage. If people try to get through your hide, they'll find your skin is just as tough, with an AC of 16-17, damage resistance, almost 200 HP, and plenty of ways to heal yourself.

Cons:

If you can't catch up to a person, your range means you're screwed. Your best weapons are all melee range, and you'll just end up chasing them around like a fool. (Technically you can just... pick up a bow and use it, you're a fighter after all, but we're playing to character.)

Despite your save shenanigans, your low charisma means you still might end up getting shunted to another dimension. That would explain how you got to the lostbelt, though....

We spent a whole feat and fighting style on those superiority dice, and to be honest they're probably not worth the effort. Bumping up your strength and picking up the Mariner style would be just as useful, if less customizable.

[atomic-thomas]

(Fake ASMR Script) Urban Giantess [Part 2]

------------------------------------------------------------

*city & traffic noises*

"Hm? Oh hey. It's you. I was wondering when we'd meet again. Didn't think you'd make me wait so long."

"..."

"Ah right. It's probably uncomfortable for you to tilt your head so far back just to talk to me. Here, hop aboard the hand elevator. I'm sure you'll find it comfy."

"..."

"There we go. Last time we met, I put you on the roof of a building, but now I just want to keep holding you."

"..."

"Yeah, about that. I've been getting over my fear of holding people. I got myself worked up for no reason. It's not even like it's all that scary. What's the worst that'll happen? It's not like I'm gripping them or anything. And I'm certainly not so careless as to drop them by accident."

"..."

"Oh yeah. Speaking of... The law enforcement around here have recently started telling people 'Don't Harass The Giantess'. I guess they realized that I was getting too much unwanted attention. They've also established a no-fly zone around me. So hopefully no more helicopters will get caught in my hair. Those things are a pain to dig out.

"..."

"You have something to ask me. Well, don't be shy. What is it?"

"..."

"Wha-...! A date? Really? Wow, uh... Jeez, so sudden. I wasn't expecting that."

"..."

"Oh no. Don't worry one bit. That's really sweet. I'll totally go on a date with you. But... There's just one problem. I'm a behemoth. I don't know where we could go or how this'll work."

"..."

"You know a rooftop restaurant. Well, that's convenient. I assume that it must be open to the sky, right?"

"..."

"Really... Well then. Show me the way. The night is young. Let's make the most of it."

..........

*casual restaurant music playing quietly in the background*

"Wow, you weren't kidding. This place is perfect for someone like me. The roof is at level with my face. You chose the best spot for our date."

"Aaaaand everyone is staring at me. Suppose I can't blame them. I'd probably do the same."

"..."

"Just act natural. Alright, I'll try my best."

"Ooh, hey. A waiter is already here."

"Oh My God, the look on their face is priceless. I think I'm starting to enjoy watching people's reactions to seeing to me. It's humorous."

"..."

"Hello. Uh, yes. I'm ready to order. Um... I hope it's not too much to ask, but... Can I just get one of everything on the menu? I have the money for it."

"..."

"It'll take some time. That's okay. I'll be patient. Thanks."

"..."

"This is gonna be long night. I can feel it."

"So... While we wait for our food, would you be interested in hearing about some of my new gigs?"

"..."

"Well of course, silly. If fate has decided that I'm going to be this big, I'm not just gonna sit around & do nothing. I need to occupy my time with things to do. Volunteer work. I already possess a fortune."

"I guess I'll start with Gulliver Engineering since they're the reason I got into this mess in the first place. They recently got back to me & said that they're trying to rebuild the size ray. And they promised that it wouldn't malfunction this time. I certainly hope they're right about that. God, can you imagine if I grew even bigger? I could potentially wave to people inside passenger planes flying at cruising altitude. And I certainly wouldn't be able to fit in the city anymore. I think that's what one would call a mega giantess. Here's hoping that doesn't happen."

"As far as volunteer work is concerned, I got a job as a construction worker. Turns out, the demolition team doesn't need to waste money on explosives when they have a giant woman to tear down buildings for them. And it's not like they need cranes anymore either. I can do all the heavy lifting myself. It's actually really fun. It's like playing with Legos, but with real buildings. It's so cool!"

"I also got a job as a firefighter. Rescuing people is super easy. All I have to do is wait by the windows to see if anyone needs to make a jump for it & when they do, they'll just land directly onto the palm of my hand. It's really gratifying."

"And now... My favorite gig. So you know how the last time we met, I joked about starring as a kaiju in the next Godzilla film? Well, as it turns out, that's not actually a joke anymore. The studio making the film wanted to add a humanoid-looking kaiju to the Godzilla universe since that concept hasn't been explored yet. As soon as they caught wind of my existence, they rang me up & asked if I wanted to play the role."

"Naturally, I accepted. The character's name is 'Cosmic Goddess Malzenia; The Sunbreaker'. Apparently, I'm the main antagonist. My goal is to destroy humanity so I may turn Earth into my own personal paradise. Sounds pretty metal. Although as big as I am, they're still gonna need to use CGI to make even appropriately big enough for the role. Even at this size, I'm still only about half as tall as Godzilla. What a monster."

"Ooh! There's our food. That didn't take as long as I thought it would."

"Good Lord, that's a lot of carts. Wow. I have no idea how I'm gonna eat all this. You know... Without breaking the dishes. I didn't really think about this."

"..."

"No, It's fine. I just gotta... Figure it out."

*music fades out*

..........

"Well that was fun. I really enjoyed my time with you tonight. We should do that again sometime."

"..."

"Feeling's mutual. I'm not ready for this date to end quite yet either. Here's an idea. How about I hold you as high as I can?"

"..."

"To get a great view of the city of course. Come on. It'll be cool. What do you say?"

"..."

"That's the spirit. Now hold on tight, cuz you're going for a ride."

"..."

"Enjoy the view while you can. This is how I see the world. Maybe it isn't so bad being this big. There's some perks to it. Since I started volunteer working, I've been enjoying life. I could get used to this."

"..."

"It's really late. I should probably go sleep now. Fortunately, the city park has a wide open space for me to lay down in. I don't know where else I'd be able to crash without it."

"..."

"No, I don't get cold at night. At least I haven't yet. It's Summer right now. Not sure what I'm gonna do when Autumn or Winter rolls around. Hopefully, the size ray will have been remade by then."

"Who knows? Maybe the next time we meet, I'll be normal sized."

"..."

"Yeah, good point. Such an advanced piece of tech won't be built in a day or even a week. I expect that I'll have to live at this size for at least another few months. Might as well get used to it."

"Anyway, I'll put you down now. I hope we meet again soon. I had fun tonight."

_______________________________________________

THE END

[straydawg-writing]

𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞'𝐬 𝐚 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦.

- 𝓚. 𝙯𝙤𝙡𝙙𝙮𝙘𝙠

• hunter x hunter series

⋯✰⋯

Chapter 2–

You knew that if anyone outside of this car saw you right now, you might just pass away. To put it simply: You were sitting on Killua's lap.

All because Kite's truck only fit seven people.

The way this predicament came about would have been comical if it weren't for your burning embarrassment. Unfortunately, you could remember very clearly how it all unfolded:

"Hmm, it seems that there aren't enough seats for all eight of us, so one person will have to squish in," Kite said, opening the car door to check the seats.

"Who's the smallest one here?" Gon asked. All seven pairs of eyes turned to look at you.

Great. The benefits of never having had your growth spurt.

Killua was the one to open his mouth, snickering, "Obviously it's Y/N. She's like a midget!"

"Killua, you are literally an entire 2 ½ feet shorter than Kite over there," you defended yourself.

From a distance, you had guessed Kite was around 6'3. Once you got a closer look at him, you discovered that he towered over you like a skyscraper. Your curiosity got the best of you and naturally, you had asked him what his height was. The man was a whopping 7 foot 10.

"It's okay Y/N, you can squish with me," Gon offered.

Killua shook his head. "No way. Squishing will just make everyone uncomfortable. It's better if only one person suffers. Y/N, you can sit on my lap."

He had left no room for argument. Sighing, you knew that even if you tried, you had no say in this anymore. You would just have to suck it up for the next 4 hours.

Now you were here, sitting on him, worrying about whether you were cutting the circulation off to his legs or not. Or perhaps you were too bony and it was hurting him.

You could feel his warm breath on your neck, and it sent goosebumps across your entire body. This was beyond awkward.

"Stop it," Killua muttered, right in your ear.

Oh, you'd done it now, hadn't you? Killua was gonna push you off onto Gon instead.

"Stop what?"

"You're so stiff, just...relax," he paused, "I don't mind sitting this way."

Hearing his voice so close to you sent butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

Maybe this was okay.

You untensed, trying to adjust yourself to a more comfortable position, but the bumpy car ride wasn't making it very easy. Kite ran over a rock, and without a seatbelt it sent you jerking upwards. Thanks to his fast reflexes, Killua gripped your waist, holding you tightly to his body.

"The seatbelt won't reach over the both of us, but this'll keep you from flying."

"Heh, thanks Killua. I think we should reach the beach in a bit..." you said, hoping that the thought of it being over soon might offer him some relief.

It doesn't matter who it is, being this close to someone could send anyone into a frenzy. You were hyper-aware of every one of his fingers grasping onto your waist. He wasn't lying. He was keeping you right there.

You'd just have to stop thinking about it, you told yourself. Or else you'd go crazy.

Trying to relax back into Killua like he had asked, you let your mind wander to the reason you were driving in the first place. The day before, the three of you had decided to stick with Kite and help him investigate the Chimera ants. The beach you were headed to now is supposed to have a clue about where the ant queen is located, so you could bring an end to the destruction before it starts. During the car ride, you had learned they were a truly deadly species. One bite of an innocent passerby, and they had the means to bring the entire human race to extinction.

You felt like something was starting. And your intuition was rarely wrong.

Gazing at Gon who had been talking with Kite for a while now, you noticed how his eyes crinkle into little smiles whenever he talks. You knew that having Kite around, his father's best friend, surely excited him to the bone. Gon was just oozing with optimism, without even trying. You could tell that just by being himself, he was keeping the spirits up of all eight in the group, not allowing any room for doubt or fear to creep into anyone's minds.

At that moment, you swore that whatever happened, you would be there to protect Gon and Killua. Even if it costs you everything.

Hopefully, this wasn't one of your friends' last few moments of tranquility. But if it was, you were determined to spend it well.

Resting your head against Killua, you hoped that he wouldn't mind if you indulged in this for just a moment. You were tired, having not gotten much rest since completing Greed Island and meeting Kite.

It didn't take much time for you to fall asleep to the rise and fall of Killua's steady breathing and his sweet vanilla scent. If you'd been awake, you might have even heard his heartbeat racing beneath you.

⋯✰⋯

You had finally reached the beach.

Killua had nudged you awake once you'd gotten there. You remembered how his blue eyes stared back at you as he poked your face, calling you an idiot for falling asleep, and you chuckled.

There was one thing you were clueless about; Killua had made sure not to move even once the whole rest of the car ride. He was nervous that he might disturb your peacefully sleeping form.

You were still pretty groggy as you looked out at the sea, the bright sun reflecting on the ocean's surface. You wanted to wiggle your toes in the sand, but you were there for a reason. To find anything that might lead to the Queen.

You searched in bushes, behind rocks, under seashells, and even used your nen to sift through as much sand as you could. So far, the group had ruled out the forest and deemed it difficult to know if the ant even ended up on the same island. That's when they decided to release the hellhound. Well- it wasn't a hellhound. It was the little dog you played with yesterday. Along with Gon.

Gon was following behind the dog on all floors, sniffing the ground as he went.

"He can do that?" You asked no one in particular.

"His nose is as sharp as a dog's," Killua responded, watching Gon with an amused look in his eye.

A couple minutes went by with no luck. The only thing the dog had found was a tree to pee on. It looked like the ant wasn't going to be on this island, though Kite had an idea.

"It may have washed ashore somewhere else. Which direction do the currents flow here?" Kite asked the two that had brought us down to the beach. One was short with brown skin and grey hair that sprouted up like hay, while the other had large glasses and two front teeth poking out from his mouth.

"The direction is reversed between day and night. And it also changes with the seasons. I've even heard it's different on certain days. So it'll be tough to pinpoint a location..." said Chipmunk Teeth. That's what you'd call him, since you hadn't gotten his name.

So basically, no one had any idea on how to find the Chimera Ant Queen.

"Continuing to search blindly is pointless. We should return to YorkNew and see if we can find any new leads there."

You heard the group around you agreeing with Kite. He and his friends began walking back to the truck already, but you stayed put. You would catch up to them later.

The ocean reminded you of your home. You thought you should say goodbye to it first.

Ripples of water lapped gently at your feet. You always had a connection with nature. Having lived in a small village located in the middle of a jungle most of your life, the earth had become your dearest friend. One of your earliest memories was from exploring the coves back at home. You stretched out your arm across the water, and watched the liquid softly rise to your hand as you called it.

That's why you chose this nen ability. It tied you to the elements. When you fought with it, together you were one body.

"Y/N, come on! Kite's threatening to leave without you," Gon waved you over. Taking one last look at the sea, you turned away.

The sun was already setting by the time you left for the city.

⋯✰⋯

Going back to YorkNew was the right decision. Now you all knew where to look.

Kite had discovered that the possibilities of the Chimera Ant landing in NGL were the highest. Apparently, NGL was a country populated with people who wanted to get away from machine civilization and live in nature.

You loved nature too, but you thought that was a little extreme. There was a reason you had to leave your beloved jungle behind.

"There may very well be a giant swarm of Chimera Ants already hunting humans down. If that's the case, my top priority will be saving them. You must be able to protect yourselves," Kite warned us.

"And if I am the one in trouble, you should escape without me."

At that, Gon and Killua looked unsettled. But backing down now was not an option.

"Got it," you said, breaking the silence and offering a kind nod to Kite, "and until the very last moment, the three of us will have your back."

"Yeah!" The other two boys concurred.

Now, you sat with Gon and Killua on an airship to NGL. The three of you were sitting on a bench, looking out of a window that framed velvet-peach clouds displaying brilliant silver linings.

Gon was reflecting on their last conversation with Kite.

"You said that Ging had a reason for bringing me and Kite together," he rested his arms and head on the window-frame.

Killua broke his sight from the clouds and looked at Gon.

"Yeah, I did."

"You're probably right. I don't know the reason, but I can't give up halfway, no matter what's going on. Otherwise, I'll disappoint Ging... And I'd never be able to forgive myself either. So I won't run away," Gon continued, resolved with his decision.

There was a moment of silence as the three of you let his words sink in.

You admired Gon's determination, but you hated that Ging had a son risking his life just to avoid disappointing a dad he's never met.

"Man, you had this totally serious expression, so I was expecting something big. But it's just business as usual," Killua smiled.

"Huh?" Gon's mouth hung open. "I thought about this a lot, I even ran a bunch of mental simulations! And I liked what Y/N said earlier, about having Kite's back until the very end."

"Think all you want, but you'll still be Gon. If someone said to abandon them, you'd never do it," You lightly punched his shoulder.

He pouted, cradling where you hit him, and you rolled your eyes.

"Drama queen."

Gon chose to ignore that and turned back to Killua. "Then what would you do?'"

"I'm a spontaneous guy, so I'd think about it once the time comes."

"So, you'd run away?" Gon questioned.

"Depends. I can't say until it actually happens."

"Say for instance..."

Killua threw his hands up, beat, "I can't tell you what I'd do in a hypothetical situation!"

"Then, what about you Y/N?"

"Gon!" You whined.

Truth be told, you hadn't thought about what you would do. It depended like Killua said. But you did know one thing...

"I would never leave you two behind. Even if that meant I'd have to die."

⋯✰⋯

[retphienix]

It's been 6 years :)

On March 30th, 2015 I decided I wanted a gaming side blog. (so we're early, but shush, it's the month for me)

I didn't know what I'd use it for exactly, but I had ideas- something I always have even if most of them only get as far as daydreamin' or writing out before closing them :P

For proof on the lack of direction the blog initially had- the March 30th date is the anniversary of my first post, an in-depth and lengthy review of Dragon Warrior Monsters for the GBC.

If you know the blog then you know "Extremely long and in-depth reviews" aren't the norm around here. As a matter of fact, that first post is the ONLY one I've done!

The closest I've come to ever repeating that would be the (word of the day) Directionless video I put out on Hades to get a grip on the concept of making videos, but that wasn't nearly as much of a 'review' as that first post is.

Tangent, definitely planning on trying my hand at videos some more for the foreseeable future. Probably not gonna use the tagline Full Impressions that I tossed as a whim for the Hades video but yeah- I'm excited to try my hand at a few videos :) tangent over.

It didn't take me long to come up with what I'd like to do for the blog though :)

A few months later I liveblogged a challenge run of FFT where I used only Ramza- a solo run. - Which maybe only happened because I tried a nuzlocke run a year prior on my main account-

(Nuzlocke | FFT challenge run)

Thanks to that haphazard liveblog experiment I started to realize a couple things which became the primary motivators behind this blog.

1) I LOVE sharing experiences. No brainer, I'm sure, but being able to share my experiences, and compare them with others' experiences, and just that mutual sharing is uplifting and feels good to do.

2) Liveblogging is an EXCEPTIONAL motivator to buckle down and play all those games I said I'd play (cue everyone laughing because I'm still way behind and have an immeasurable backlog).

But I mean that, on both respects. I have plenty of motivators toward the blog today, but if I were to be concise it's pretty much "It's easier to beat games if I liveblog them- otherwise I get distracted and play other games" and "I love sharing experiences and thoughts with people about my favorite thing- games."

Since 2015 I've tackled around 70 games as full playthroughs, and an untold ton as one offs or just to ramble about for a bit.

I've had a lot of highlights over the years, and I don't talk much about it as an overall experience so I thought for the anniversary I'd try to do just that. Not everything- I can't say I have photographic memory that would bring all of it up without prompting after all :P But whatever comes to mind as I browse some of my old stuff- as well as some thoughts on what I'd like to see in the future.

It's gonna be a bit self-centric I assume as I type this preamble to it, so let me say outright that this blog wouldn't be half of what it is without all the people who've given it the time of day over the years.

From recommending games they love or appreciate, to comparing thoughts, to offering kind words for analysis I've done over the years, to pointing out when I'm dumb and misread a situation :P- to, yes, even the people who decided "Fuck this guy's ramble" and deleted my captions before reblogging my gifs way back during Hamtaro (Of COURSE I remember that! It's amusing lol).

This is better because of others, because of the interactions and the people I've gotten the chance to chat with or befriend. It's just a liveblog more or less, my own little bit of fun I toss out for myself if for anyone- so seeing others enjoy this or that from the work I put into sharing my experiences or thoughts is always a joy in itself :)

Anyway, onto selfishly rambling about some tidbits of the past :)

Also sorry but no, opted to not shove a ton of photos in, it does have a handful of links to old posts though :P

This'll be disorganized as heck as I'll add to it over time before I feel it's worth posting (or the tumblr post editor becomes a hassle and more or less forces me to).

First~

FFT Solo Ramza Challenge: Considering it was roughly the first thing this blog has done, it's also something that's stuck in my head a lot more clearly than most of the other stuff I've done to be honest lol.

In truth, this is partially because FFT is my favorite game, bar none. But it's also because the whole experience was pretty new to me. Prior to it I had really only done one self-imposed-challenge that wasn't requested by the game in some manner and that was a nuzlocke run of Blue version.

So adding a challenge to my favorite game was a fantastic experience!

Notes I just wanted to say today about that run: If anyone enjoys FFT I honestly recommend giving it a shot for the unique story it lends itself to. I do recommend skipping the rules until after the second battle but that's up to YOU to decide.

My first post on the subject is me complaining about spending 4 hours grinding out the second fight and, despite hyperbole being my natural state, that was NOT hyperbole.

It DID take 60~ restarts to beat. It DID take 4 hours. The reason is that that 2nd battle is RNG as HECK, you HAVE to have Delita do some meaningful actions, you HAVE to have the enemies miss and make poor plays, you damn near HAVE to crit a few instances to save yourself from taking too much damage.

It's a numbers game to the extreme, so I wouldn't fault anyone for 'cheating' and skipping the 2nd fight for the ruleset lol.

The memory that stands out the most for that run is actually isolated in a post in which Ramza (Purrick in this run) talks like a total badass as just ONE DUDE running into a room full of enemies. I just think on that as a great encapsulated view of what it was like. The run started off face grindingly difficult, but because FFT is a game that offers so much freedom to the player it was extremely easy to 'break' the game into making Purrick overpowered as hell.

That's something I love about some tactical RPGs, I love having the ability to play smart so that I can play stupid later on, and breaking the game into making him one shot god is certainly a good payoff for playing smart early on :P

RetQuick: I miss RetQuick, it was primarily a short experiment I did in 2015 where I'd play a game for a short span of time (REALLY short, like 10-20 minutes) and record that for the purpose of making gifs and saying a short piece on what I thought.

It's one of those formats where the purpose was pretty shallow- but had a reason. I wanted to try making some gifs with some tools that existed online, so I made an excuse to do just that.

I also wanted to play a TON of games, usually through emulation on my sister's PSP, and this let me do that.

These two minor goals came together and so I spent a while making RetQuicks which were honestly more fun to make than they had any right to be. I mean the gifs were tedious but the playing? The thought sharing? The end product ocassionally having more appeal than just a photoset? It was fun.

I'm thinking whenever I have trouble picking a game for the blog I'll revisit the format... sorta.

I already reused it for a short stint to show clips I had no plan on expanding into a playthrough, but that died as well as it was too similar to Tidbits posts (another tag I no longer really use).

My thought is to rebrand retquick as something of a tryout for what game comes next. Play a handful of my backlog games for an hour or so each and say some thoughts before saying which one I'll continue as the main game for that period of time.

Old Tag Stuff: One of those things that only sticks to me since I made the decisions but it's always funny for me to look back on my old posts because I was apprehensive as hell toward making my posts visible. The reason my early playthroughs on the My-Tags page are variants of Ret instead of just "The name of the game so people can find this post" is because I felt like a liveblog would just spam the tag to hell-

Something I don't remotely feel bad for doing anymore.

So I avoided getting any sort of spotlight for quite a while on the blog for little reason.

Why Retphienix?: This is just a dumb thought I wanted to share and I'm sure I've said before.

It stands for retro!

Yeah!

Ain't that dumb and also not a real shorthand? lol

I think I have some sort of deer in headlights anxiety towards naming things, I mean do you think I think Full Impressions is a good summation for a video? I don't. But perhaps that's overshadowed by the other inexperiences and anxiety driven decisions that had- doesn't matter.

Retphienix is Retphienix because I sat there in 2015 and thought "Well... what do I name an alt account?"

My main is Redphienix, which yes, is ALSO a terrible name AND is misspelled. But it's that because of sentimental reasons. As a kid I misspelled Redphoenix when making my gamertag (I knew how to spell Phoenix back then as well, I was too excited about xbox live and misspelled it) and it's become something of a sentimental misspelling.

So I wanted to make a mix on that for my game blog, but I had no idea what. In the end I thought "RetroPhienix? I don't know. Retphienix is closer to Redphienix. I'll do that" and so it was done.

And just like how Redphienix is both bad and misspelled but exists because of sentimental reasons- Retphienix has acquired the same 'flavor' in my eye lol.

Aspirations for the blog: I have no immediate ramp up plans or road map or whatever, and in truth I'll be happy if the blog stays just as it is forever- up until tumblr ends- I cry over lost posts- and I reopen it on another platform.

But I do have blurry half-considered daydreams that I'd like to see happen for the blog through some hard work or shifts on my part.

One is something I'm already doing kinda, hence my embarrassing means of bringing it up a lot lately. Videos- I want those. I wanna make some looks back on series people don't talk about that I enjoy, I want to make videos sharing my thoughts on games I beat for the blog (like what full impressions kinda was, but I don't think they'll have a unified name from here on out). Maybe retrospectives, but mostly when I think of making a video tied to retphienix or me in general it's me looking at a game that said something to me, and saying it louder with my own interpretations on it.

You know the kind, videos where they talk about a video game but not the whole thing- just a singular message they really heard loud and clear from it intentionally or not. I dig those and I know I end a lot of games having plenty to say that could be directed into such a format.

We'll see.

And I'm along for the ride on that one as well- currently I'm keeping my eyes on whatever is directly next, which happens to be "I plan on playing Omori, if it clicks as something to talk about I would like to take a shot at that in a video too!"

The other is that I'd like to build a small community. Wouldn't know the first thing on doing that in a modern sense, but just a little online friend group to chat with and play games together. Something that could open up multiplayer and coop experiences being better shared on the blog and would just in general expand my gaming to what it used to be back on the 360 when I had a large group to play with.

Since the 360 era ended I've pretty much closed off- stopped playing competitive games due to lack of interest- and slowed down to playing all games either solo, with randoms (and no mic usually), or with my cousin. It's a rare instance when I play with some good people like @gamesception or another friend of mine, John.

When I diverted from playing competitive games nonstop toward other genres I didn't intend to also cut out all my online gaming buds, it just kinda happened, and I never really put any effort into rectifying that.

So more or less I'd like to one day sit down and work on a discord server, and then buck up and put the leg work in to make some gamin' buds again, but that's such a vague concept anymore.

Sounds all sad and what not but it's more ambivalent, I made decisions that

changed how gaming worked for me after the 360 and this is just where it landed for better and worse- I'd just like to see if I can make it a little better :P

General things I think when I think retphienix: Honestly? I think of how much fun I've had over the years and how thankful I am to have had an outlet that encouraged me to explore more of the medium.

I REALLY love games. I went to college for games, I've written LEAGUES about games, I've played countless games, my childhood was games, my adult life is games- games games games yada yada yada.

So when I think of retphienix I think of how without it I probably wouldn't have explored a lot of the corners of gaming that I have.

I genuinely, and I mean this, might not have sat down and beaten FF7 for myself and would have considered the amount I played as a kid to be enough.

I might not have played Chrono Trigger yet, and I KNOW I wouldn't have played Chrono Cross, and I'm happy as hell to have played both of those. CT was a mind blowing moment for me that showed me just how good an RPG can be, and CC gave me miles to think of in terms of innovating an RPG and how beholden to the narrative a sequel should be (I don't feel CC should have been chrono at all lol).

I DEFINITELY wouldn't have given New Vegas another chance. And I know I'm a sourpuss on NV, I've been that way since I maxed my achievements on the 360 for it, but replaying it really did reveal to me how exceedingly negative I was being.

My memories had become "It's brown and a boring location >:(" and "The factions all suck and it doesn't do anything with the idea of bad factions >:(" and became "It's... a little brown guys, not a big fan of the area" and "They didn't do enough with exploring the gray factions" while adding "Wait. This is pretty damn fun. And 90% of the additions are stellar. And I forgot about Dead Money, my favorite dlc in any game ever with a story that tears at my heart every time I think of it, NV good actually?"

Faxanadu would have remained a cool game I saw on SSFF and not a game I played to the end and fell in love with the aesthetic feel it has!

Also that's a game I cheated like crazy on lol, I would do it again! Save state scumming games meant to be rudely difficult is only fair :P

I probably would have never sat down to play through Windwaker which was such a positive and uplifting experience that I now get the most relaxed and warm feeling in my heart when I see those blue waves.

There's so many experiences I would have left on the table in favor of like... putting more hours into a live service title or something.

Maybe, and no offense to my cousin or anyone else playing it, but maybe I'd be no-lifing World of Warcraft nonstop just stagnating my interest toward the skinner box mechanics of an MMO?

Some offense, actually but lightheartedly lol.

But beyond the entire games I've played for the blog, when I think retphienix I picture all the time making gifs, all those games I played on the PSP for short stints, buying a retron 5 to add to what I could explore and being stoked when they shipped a freebie box of old controllers to go with it, getting angry at the retron for being a Piece Of Shit lol, crying at the end of damn near every game with an emotional story because I'm a big emotional mess of a person who finds investing and crying at a story way too easy thanks to empathy pulls, oh!-

Getting excited whenever I found that I had a "*controversial*" opinion that no one would care about lol. Like the one that comes to mind is that I thoroughly believe that Dragon Ball Z II: Gekishin Freeza!! for the NES is WAY better than the fandom recognized and appreciated sequel/remake Dragon Ball Z: Legend of the Super Saiyan!

How many people do you hear talking about either game, let alone saying the NES game that is roughly half of the SNES remake is the better one :P But I stand by that! The SNES one is a remake of DBZ1 and 2 for the NES but it loses all the charm and some of the fun of the NES ones by being a lackluster SNES game!

lol

I admitted wholeheartedly that this post would be a lit-

little directionless (gotta love the new tumblr poster making me break sentences like that), but to sum things up.

It's been 6 years. It's been an untold amount of work to be honest- liveblogging a game, at least for me, hasn't been the easiest thing. It's a lot of thinking out my thoughts (heh), it's a lot of learning tools to make the capturing process possible, it's a lot of experimenting, it's a lot of writing and editing, and, well, sometimes it's just tough.

I mean I went to school for coding, not video editing, not writing, not image processing, not this or that- but this hobby has introduced a lot of things even if only at a VERY base level (I admit fully to using online alternatives to make gifs for instance).

I learned a lot about, well, a lot of things in order to use this blog to learn more about games- and all that work has become part of why I've loved all 6 years of this blog.

6 years of gaming, work, and you all- and it's been worth the investment :) Here's to many more and all of you whether you stumble upon this post or not- literally anyone who's interacted in these 6 years, thank you, and anyone who hasn't I offer you well wishes as well.

<3

[jacscorner]

Pokemon All-Stars: A Fan Region/Game/Alternate Universe Idea

I like watching and rewatching Original Pokemon Game/Region videos. Like Mr. Buddy's "What if X was a Pokemon Region" and stuff like that. I wanna make-or, I guess, write-my own. Since Regions are kind of a character all their own and I'm a Wannabe Character Artist, I wanted to try and make one my own.

I've got no skills in coding, pixel arts, or anything, so this will forever be just some kind of dumb fanfic that sometimes incorporates Game Mechanics to justify things if it were able, for some Godforsaken reason, 'stolen' for a game. Cause, in 2021, no idea feels too big or too dumb. And, uh, trust me, this'll be a dumb fanfic of an idea. So be aware for the subpar writing talents of some wannabe writer who doesn't know shit.

Small disclaimer though:

>This region is being made with the intention that every extra feature will be available in it. Z-Moves, Regional Variants, Gygantamax, Mega Evolutions, and maybe some things I've forgotten. This probably won't matter cause it's just a dumb fanfic plot bible with mechanics peppered in. Competitive balancing be damn! Pokemon Fans can create their own balance! That's what the Battle Simulator is for! In fact, if this was a real game, then it'd have a Battle Simulator like Showdown built into it.

>This is an open source Fanfic Bible. You can take this idea and run with it if you want. You can omit all my bad ideas even!

>I won't be making my own Fakemon. I don't like a lot of Fakemon that exists out there and, trust me when I say this: I am no better than them. In fact, I'm fucking worse.

>If this WERE a game, it probably WOULD still have to cut some Pokemon. I doubt that kinda, and I won't get into why I think dexit was dumb personally, cause it doesn't really matter. But, like, my fan game/fanfic will have a lot of shit going on in it. So, like, realistically, there would probably need to be a cut, if not for data, than just cause there's a lot of work to do as is. But, like, again, under the context of a fic, this wouldn't be an issue.

>With THAT said, I'd want this game to have a Gen 2 Sprite aesthetic. My fangame, don't care if ya'll don't like that.

>I'm probably gonna copy a LOT of stuff from other Fangames I've played. My shit memory probably won't allow me to remember what I'm biting from what, so be free to call me out whenever. Cause if I stole the mechanic, I probably liked it the game. And if not, well, I'd like the recommendation.

Fuck, this was long already. The rest is under the cut, so, like, if you're already turned off, you can stop reading. I understand. I'm kind of a windbag.

Okay, so how many of you guys have seen this picture on the internet? It's a picture of a ton of Pokemon regions all...basically stitched together, since not only could this never be canon, but this goes beyond the size of even most open world games today. But this was the inspiration for this project. The map probably wouldn't, and probably couldn't, look like this, but it perfectly sums up what I'd want out of this game. Thus, it'll be our placeholder.

Our hometown of Capricorn Town is home to Professor Chestnut, and you, her faithful assistant, are about to set off on a Pokemon adventure of your own! The Professor is encouraging you to see the region of Sidus for yourself and is even willing to give you a Starting Pokemon!

Starting Pokemon

Now, if I'm not making new Pokemon, which Starter will it be? Well, the game will have the data for all the starters and will randomly select a Grass, Fire, and Water Type for you to choose from. Those will be your starters, with the option of also choosing Pikachu, Eevee, and Riolu, the two mascot mons...and Riolu, who is kind of a mascot mon, but a lesser one.

Let's say for this example, your options are Torchic, Piplup, Rowlet, Pikachu, Eevee, and Riolu. And, uh, get used to the words 'random' and 'generator', those are our keywords.

Anyway, once you get your pick, there'll be some kind of tutorial mission the Professor will send you on. This will introduce you to two very important things;

1. One of your Rival.

2. An Evil Team Grunt.

Rivals?!

Now to start getting into why this game might still be pretty big still be big despite the sprites on modern consoles.

Each of your Rivals would be one kid from each region of the 8 Mainline Games from Kanto to Kalos. How this'll be decided is that each pair of kids will be plugging into a generator and will pick between either the boy or girl version.

Ex. Brendan and May both cannot be in the game. Instead, they'll be plugged into this generator. Let's say the generator fell onto May. She'll be one of your Rival. Repeat this process 7 more times until you have 8 Rivals sprinkled throughout the world, each one given a defined personality and better AI to make them harder trainers to fight.

May will have one of the Hoenn Starters, sans Torchic. Regardless of whether or not Protagonist-San picked Torchic, May will either have a Treecko or Mudkip, again, chosen at random per kid. Whichever Starter you picked, your first rival will have a starter that beats yours. So, let's say moving forward, May has a Mudkip and you a Torchic. The other kids will have random starters of the various regions they originally hail from.

Anyway, your rivals will wander the overworld. If they see you, they'll battle you on sight. If they lose, they'll be gone after the next time you turn the game off. They won't battle you again until they respawn, but you can hang out with them. In fact, you can even recruit them to be in your party for a few days and they'll follow you around and just generally be your friend. It'll make every battle a double battle, but they'll battle you again before their timer runs out, so be prepared!

BANG! BANG! ENTER! Team Wild!

The two of you will have to face off against Team Wild! They have a Cowboy theme to them, using a mix of Ground and Steel-Types, with a few Pokemon being added in for good measure like the Ponyta Lines, Cacnea Line, and Remoraid. Cause...it's a gun.

They're an outlaw gang, they're rough and tough (or, at least, a mild threat) and will always throw down when they spot ya. Something I'm just sniping from JelloApocalypse is that they'll appear sporadically and act as Timed Events across the map.

You and your new Rival beat them and send you packing. I'd imagine May and the other Rivals would mostly be friendly, but I'm sure there's one or two that'll just be jerks to you. Regardless of personality, they'll be pretty tough and programmed to skill with you. Your strongest mon you have on hand when you fight them will be the level their entire team.

With your tutorial done, the world is opened up! Your mom gives you your running shoes, some Pokeballs, and your...I don't know, PokeCelular or something, just the regional gadget that does a bunch of stuff. From holding your map to holding your VS Seeker.

The PokeCelular will also give you notifications on where Team Wild are! You can choose to ignore the events, but if you do, then they'll start to appear in the overworld know and will get progressively stronger.

A Balancing Act

This game will be an open world, 8-Bit Sprite Game for you to explore after you leave Capricorn!

So how do we balance that?

Well, we got our Rival out of the way already, so let's move on. Gym Leaders will have a pretty linear progression. However, regardless of which Gym you tackle first, they'll all be at the same level.

It doesn't matter if you decide to go across the map and battle the Bug Gym, he'll stay at Level 10, just like the Normal Gym. Whe you get the second badge, they'll all jump to Level 15. NPC Trainers will follow the same progression; the higher your badge number, the stronger the number of Pokemon they'll be.

Wild Pokemon will also get stronger. The more badges you get, it'll attract stronger wild Pokemon because they'll see you're stronger and will come out more.

The overworld will also have various dungeons in them that'll be Level Locked. Say, you go through a forest and you're just trying to reach the end of a maze. The Trainers and Pokemon will function the same as I've mentioned before. But, you can decide to go deeper into the dungeon. These Pokemon will be level locked, usually something of a high level, because this is a more dangerous part of the dungeon. But, there'll be some goodies down there, like rarer Pokemon and some kind of really rare and good item like a TM or something.

How will you traverse? Well, first of all, HMs? They're semi-back. BUT, instead of having to deal with teaching Cut to a Pokemon, you just need the move Cut and a Pokemon that can use the move and you'll be able to use Cut. A few other Pokemon that are reasonable candidates, but don't get cut, will be allowed to do this too. Like, Gallade can use Cut. It can't learn the move, but just holding the HM will get the job done.

Controversial opinion, but I think I've always liked the idea of HMs. On paper, they give you a reason to explore the world and go back to areas you couldn't before for goodies and make for a good way to get off dungeons until you get the needed item. Even something like Cut can be used to open up new areas for exploration for your squad of mons.

BUT, well, HMs suck. As moves, they suck save for, like, 2...MAYBE and they're only for, like, a handful of areas. You either hand them out as evenly as possible, forcing mons to take moves you don't wanna use, or you just get an HM Slave or two to use 'em all. But like they, they serve their function and all you need is the Pokemon in question and NOT teach them the move. If you need a Move Deleter just so people aren't stuck having to use Rock Smash for three towns, then there's a problem with your RPG. Imagine playing Final Fantasy and you had to give your Fighter the Bronze Axe to get through a forest and still had to fight with it, even though you got a +12 Silver Sword! It's no wonder people hated these things! But I don't think getting rid of them and introducing Rental Pokemon was a good solution either and adds a different, albeit less intrusive problem.

Gym Leaders

So, how do Gym Leaders work?

Much like your rivals, they'll be randomly generated. Let's say, hypothetically, there's a pool of 60 Gym Leaders and Elite Four members. The game will randomly generate 16 to be Gym Leaders. The generator will have some kind of complicated math (at least, too complicated for me) so that you don't have more than 2 gyms of the same type. (Example: Misty and Nessa might be Active Gyms, Siebold can't be selected for a Gym cause the Water Slots are taken).

As a trade off, some Gyms might have special conditions before you can challenge them. Like, if you got stuck with Koga as a Gym Leader, than he'll only let you in if you complete a nearby dungeon and help his daughter out cause he doesn't trust her to make it back on her own. Or, like, Claire's a Gym Leader, but she won't battle you unless you've collected 7 Gym Badges prior at least.

The Gym Leaders, as mentioned before, will get progressively stronger with each badge obtained. After the 8th badge, you can go and climb Victory Road, face the E4 and confront the Champion! You can keep hunting Gym Leaders, but just remember that the E4 will always be 10 Levels above the strongest gym you beat. And they'll just get stronger with every one you beat until all 16 are slain.

Another handful, let's say 8, Gym Leaders/E4 Members will be wondering around as NPC Trainers. The justification is that this big super region is in some Alternate Universe Pokemon Game that has all the Pokemon and other important trainers in it, hence why we can have a game where Roxanne and Lenora are hanging out at a coffee shop. They're not Rivals, more like stronger NPCs you can rematch and wonder the map. They're not here to be the very best like no one ever was.

I mean, I'd like, like, 10-20 instead of 8 extras, but let's not get TOO greedy...yet...

Elite Four

And now, it's time to flip the script. Cause if E4 members can be Gym Leaders, then who are the Elite Four?

Easy. The Rivals.

All the Rival characters will be put in a random generator as well. The four that are chosen. You can have an Elite Four made up of Wally, Marnie, Hau, and Barry and you gotta deal with it.

This is excluding Brendan and May, Blue, and Calem and Serena. Anyone else is fair game.

Champion

So, the Champion. Who would it be in this? There was a funny idea I had, but this is a Pokemon Game. So there would be two versions. We'll call them Pokemon Dawn & Dusk. The difference between these games is the game Champion!

Benga would be the Champion of Pokemon Dusk, the grandson of Alder! His final Team will include Volcarona, Garchomp, and Dragonite, Pokemon he used in Black and White. I'd also include Scrafty, Rampardos, and Golurk, Pokemon used against you in White Treehollow and Black Tower areas.

Meanwhile, the Champion of Pokemon Dusk will be Zinnia, the Lorekeeper! Her team would include the Goodra, Tyrantrum, Altaria, Noivern, and Salamence she used in her original team, with her plucky Whismur sidekick becoming an Exploud and her ace.

You would've met them in the beginning of the game and would've showed off a bit by helping you with Team Wild before. They'll pop in and out throughout the game, at first amused by your tenacity, but not wanting a rookie like you to get hurt. But if you keep bonking Team Wild, they'll be impressed with how strong you are.

The show up to chat again when you beat 8 Gym Leaders, and will pop in if you White Out to give you some advice. White Out three times and they'll feel bad for you and give you an egg. Benga will give you a Larvesta Egg and Zinnia a Bagon Egg.

EXTRAS

So I don't got a lot of ideas for the Post Game, but there is one idea I thought would be cool if, if after you defeat the champion, they give you a call. They'll tell you that there are strong trainers wondering the Overworld and to be careful.

Because dotting the overworld will be Champions passed and proper! Cynthia, Blue, Lance; all of them are rocking Lv 100 Teams and are out for blood. They won't challenge you, but if you talk to them, there will be no backing out of the battle! You come with your A-Game!

sI'm not exactly in love with the idea of Team Wild. Maybe the Evil Team should go full fanservice and just be Team Rainbow Rocket. Or maybe go half-and-half; having past Evil Team members and leaders walk around in cowboy gear and acting as Team Wild executives.

I'd also would love Tournaments. Like, maybe that could be a weekly event in some town, they'll how tournaments and the characters that aren't designated as Gym Leaders and such will attend. Maybe there's a cash prize, maybe you'll win Pokemon Eggs of rare, guaranteed shines, or maybe you'll get some kind of important quest items.

Yeah, I want quests! All sorts of side quests! And can't forget what I'd do with Legendairs;

If you know Bengal's team, you'll know he's got the Lati Twins. I don't like that personally and would prefer Legendaries to be Super Bosses. Like, you gotta do a lot to find them. And when you do, their stats are boosted and they become an Uber Boss! You catch them in a cutscene after you beat them!

There's also just a ton of characters I didn't get around to or really have a place for. Emma, Looker, N, and the Stat Trainers all come to mind. Overall, I'd want them to pepper the world as well, but don't have anything to say except this: Pokemon has made a lot of memorable characters. Both good and bad. And this is probably my dream Pokemon Game; one where you can hang out with your favorites

[wooyoungleeeeeex]

»»————-　➴　————-««

Welcome! Welcome, all!

today, you're gonna be learning,

my nicknames for allll of the other members!

strap yourself in! This'll be an interesting ride!

»»————-　➴　————-««

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First, Hongjoong hyung!

--- > @joongielee

I like to call hyung names that'll annoy him, not because I hate him or anything. I just find him getting mad funny. ☺️ some names I call him are endearing, but most of 'em aren't. If he can be mean to me then I can be mean to him! >:D

--❝Tiny❞ -> I'm not creative, okay? He's small.

--❝dad/appa❞ -> because he's like a father to me 🥺 and I'm the bratty son!

--❝Mean lil bitchy gremlin❞ -> this one isn't one I call him directly, I call him it in passing. If I'm talking about him to one of the other members I'll probably call him this.

--❝Annoying hyung❞ -> everyone can be annoying, but especially Hong-Hyung. Like, just because I didn't do my chores doesn't mean you have to complain at me??

--❝Pretty Leader Hyung❞ -> y'know, surprisingly enough there are times where I'm not the problem. I look up to my amazing hyung a lot. 🥺 or... Y'know.. Sometimes I'll use this so he gets me what I want..

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

Next up: Seonghwa Hyung!

--- > @hwaseongler

I'm a little bit nicer to Seonghwa hyung because he scares me... (but trust me when the two hyungs are together; that's the scariest >^<) but I still like to be a bit of a brat >:D nobody can stop me!!

--❝Mom/Eomma❞ -> this one's pretty simple, him and Hongjoong hyung are basically married (right? I just wasn't invited to the wedding..) Joongie's the dad and Hwa is the momma 😌

--❝Satan??/devil❞ -> you people don't know this but - ahem.. SEONGHWA HYUNG IS EVIL!

--❝Best Hyung™️❞ -> I know what I said, but Seonghwa hyung is just as amazing as he is evil. It's not a contradiction, it's just the truth.

--❝Scary part 1.❞ -> being in his presence is intimidating.

--❝Evil Biatch.❞ -> once again, I would never call him this directly because I'm too scared to because that's too mean, but I think it. I think it a lot.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

Next! Yunho Hyung :D

--- > @yungiggle

I have my good nicknames and my bad nicknames for each member. There's a lot less for Yunho because he hasn't wronged me very much...

--❝Puppy Prince❞ -> you've seen him right? He's just a happy puppy! 🥺

--❝Giant Scary❞ -> as cute as he is... When he wiggles his fingers at me I get afraid.

--❝Professional Traitor❞ -> if you ever need someone to be a traitor for you, Yunho's your guy. I can't tell you the amount of times I have asked for help and he's ended up joining my enemies instead. 😤

--❝The BCG❞ -> the big cuddly giant. His hugs are amazing. ☺️

--❝Big Sweetheart❞ -> look, Yunnie's really nice 🥺 well, most of the time.. And I respect him for that! Being nice to Wooyoung gets you my respect! >:3

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

Let's keep this train rolling~

--- > @yeoswitch

Yeo hasn't caused me many problems, so I'm happy to say that I have mostly good names for him. ☺️

--❝Shy n' Cute❞ -> he's adorable 🤩 and super shy! When I get my ler hands on him imma wreck him >:D

--❝Mister Silence❞ -> sometimes he just ignores me- like c'mon Yeo, I know you don't find me that annoying.

--❝Bestieeee❞ -> my bestest friend of all!! 🤩🤩 I love you Yeosangie!

--❝Tiny: the sequal❞ -> he's not as small as Hong-Hyung is, but he's still small. 😎

--❝Disney Prince❞ -> he does look like a Prince tho- like c'mon ya'll. He's suuuuper pretty!

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

Neeeeext, the wonderful... The adorable!

--- > @squeakysannie !!

Sannie's too adorable to me mean too.. But like I said, nobody escapes my bratty wrath. But I'll be kinder so that I don't get beheaded. 🥰

--❝Dimples❞ ->

Do I need to say anything else?

--❝Sir-Squeaks-Alot❞ -> if you couldn't tell already, Sannie is a squeaker. Give him a good ol' poke and you'll get a cute squeak. 🥰

--❝Cuddles❞ -> he's so cute and cuddly, please 🥺

--❝Weaklee❞ -> he gives off big lee energy! Not that surprising since y'know... He is a lee but still, it's adorable how weak he is to tickles 🥺

--❝The Favorite Child❞ -> nobody will deny that San is always the favorite no matter what. It doesn't matter if he misbehaves, he's still the favorite.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

Neeeeext up! We're almost done!

--- > @cockyswitchsong

Mingi is... Complicated.. I'm afraid of him but I also like messing with him. So I'll be nice... Ish.. We'll see how it goes, y'know?

--❝Scary part 2: the scarening❞ -> like I said, I'm afraid of him. He's not as scary as Seonghwa hyung, but there is still fear 😰

--❝lil' bitch boy.❞ -> I have no words for this one... It's just- something that I call him..? When I'm feeling particularly annoying?

--❝Deep Voiced demon.❞ -> like, holy shit that's scary. Especially when he teases, good God.

--❝The BCG, just smaller and meaner❞ -> Mingi can be cuddly too, like Yunho he's tall and perfect for cuddling! But like... He's a lot meaner and sneakier then Yunho.. 🥺

--❝Sneaky Snek.❞ -> You can't tell Mingi any of your secrets.. He won't keep them.. I know from experience since everyone knows my most ticklish spot now..

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

And finally! Last but not least!

--- > @jonghosofthours !!!!

Look, Jongho and I.. We don't get along well in this world. He is the reason I can barely get away with anything! I mean, I love him! He's a good cuddler but jeez..

--❝H E N C H❞ -> You can't run from him, he'll pick you up with ease.

--❝Scary part 3: the strong boy scare.❞ -> when he holds you down and looks at you - eugh- it sends shivers down my spine just thinking about it.

--❝Obeidient little cock-a-doodle-doo.❞ -> he always listens to hyungs, it's annoying. I can't get a suitable partner in crime here >:( well, I guess it's just every man for himself 🤷‍♂️

--❝holy shriek❞ -> and I thought I was loud.

--❝competetive little bish.❞ -> everything. is. a. competition. And it's even more annoying because I always end up losing!

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

Then... There are nicknames I give all of them at times too...

--❝B-Boy❞ -> basically stands for bitch boy but nobody has figured it out yet >:)

--❝cock-a-doodle-doos❞ -> the politer way of saying "cocks" or "dickheads" ☺️

--❝Annoying twerpy hyungs❞ -> I can take any new negative adjective and turn it into a great insult! The others have heard much worse then this one.. What can I say? Even though I always get the "LaNgUage!" complaint, I'll never stop cussing! >:D

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

Now I'm just gonna end this by saying... Guys, I love you. And I'll be locked in my room if you need me. :)

Thanks for reading ya'll! Cya later! Or not- because I might die! But I'll try not to!

[punkscowardschampions]

Lux & Amber

Lux: Hey, Amber, I was wondering if I could talk to you, when you've got the time to 💬 back and forth for a bit 😌 Amber: Hi Amber: this'll work... Amber: are you okay? Lux: Yes in the sense this isn't a total emergency Lux: but no in the sense I'm not bothering you for no reason Lux: I don't know how to start this Amber: total emergencies are what my mama's for anyway, but I'll still try to help, if I can Lux: Yeah Lux: not that I'll be having that kind of emergency ever Lux: well, it was his idea Lux: and I don't know whether he expected me to follow up on it or not but I'm going to Lux: so maybe I don't feel as insane Lux: it's about Dash Amber: Oh Amber: we're not together if that's what's worrying you, it was just once Amber: and it won't be happening again Lux: I knew you weren't Lux: maybe knew is an overstatement, thought, anyway Lux: what do you think of him? Amber: you did, because he doesn't do 'together' and we all know that Amber: what did he do to make you feel insane? Amber: I think it's probably similar to the way he made me feel stupid, but I'm ready to be wrong Lux: How did he make you feel stupid? Amber: I thought we were friends, we're not Amber: and I thought that maybe he was just a little lost, but he knows exactly what he's looking for Lux: Yeah Lux: I think it might be the same Lux: he said one thing at the time Lux: but then today he said something that made that all so Lux: gross Amber: because he wanted something different from you today from wanting to have sex with you Lux: he said it was part of the tour Lux: which in itself...but then he said he only did it to 'tourists' Amber: I've been here for months, how am I a tourist? Lux: I know! Amber: my family lives and works here and he goes to school with me, I see him every day for like hours, on the commune and outside of it Lux: I wanted him to admit that it was a lie, that this was like family, because that isn't what you do to family, even if it's totally chill or whatever, you still don't view all these girls as your sisters, like you clearly do the boys as your bros Lux: but he couldn't do that, 'cos if this is all bullshit then what is he doing Lux: but then that amounted to him essentially saying he did it to the most fucked up, vulnerable girls, who he knew would go away before it became an issue for him...and that's me, so, everything else he said is untrue and manipulative and Amber: I don't think he understands family for what it's worth, whether he really believes this is one or he's hiding behind that Amber: but if that's his perspective, I understand now why he seemed to immediately regret sleeping with me, because it's unlikely I'm leaving any time soon Amber: even if my 'vulnerability' did jump out Lux: you've at least confirmed I'm not hysterical Lux: he said I should ask you, that it's cool Amber: I'm sorry he hurt and used you like that, I didn't realise I'd have to start warning every girl here Amber: or that he was THAT person Amber: yes, he lied to me and stole from me but he's not the first hippie boy I've met who tried to do some kind of free love revival Lux: he said he wasn't scared of me 'telling' on him to these girls because everyone else is into it too Lux: but he asked me not to multiple times so clearly he doesn't think everyone would still be down if it was total transparency Amber: plenty of people here are into it and whatever you say or don't say, there'll be girls who are still into him Amber: I fell for it after everything I'd seen and heard because he made me want to, I was still willing to give him another chance afterwards Amber: pretty face and prettier words, right? Lux: I'm just sick of dealing with people who are shitty Lux: just because they're not as shitty to me as everyone else Amber: there are people here who would listen, I hope, hold him accountable instead of falling into the forgiveness and understanding speech immediately Amber: my mama, for one, if it came from you instead of me Lux: there's people here who don't like me too Lux: more than that Amber: Who? Lux: I'm not trying to turn this into a big tattle-tale party Lux: I tried to tell him but he wasn't listening Amber: you can tell me, I'll keep my temper and listen Amber: nobody wants to listen to teenage girls and I'm not feeding into that lie that we're all hysterical, even though I am angry Lux: some of the older ladies Lux: they don't think I am a teenage girl Lux: that I've co-opted the experience of being a woman for the aesthetic, without ever having to face the adversity and struggles they do, as biological women Amber: I don't have the vocabulary to express how disgustingly narrow and dangerous that thinking is Lux: it's interesting to hear it from a perspective other than religion, I guess Lux: but still Lux: he thinks it's perfect here, and everyone is Amber: and his brother thinks it's hell on earth Lux: you know his brother? Amber: I met him and my 'aesthetic' jumped out for him Amber: he decided who I am because I live here Lux: I almost thought he'd made him up Lux: in a weird way Lux: I don't know how you get Dash and then him, from what he sounds like, anyway Amber: their experiences are actually entirely different Amber: Dash has opted out of any of the struggles, by being here, so it is perfect for him in that way, I guess Amber: like a utopia Amber: it's no wonder his brother thinks none of us live in the real world Lux: He doesn't 'do' responsibility, he said that Lux: responsibility to be an alright person really is the minimum Amber: plenty of people here obviously don't either Amber: those woman you mentioned don't even understand their own privilege, they just want to tell you yours Lux: don't get me wrong Lux: here is fine Lux: and lots of the people are nice and whatever Lux: but whenever I talk about my family it's like this smugness of how backwards they are when I've got the same treatment from plenty of non-religious folks for no reason but disagreeing Lux: my parents think they're saving me from eternal damnation, because they love me, that's not nothing Amber: like the thinking that anything about living this way makes us superior isn't backward Amber: they're pretending to be free and open is the key to the kingdom and the only way anyone gets to be here Amber: but it's not Lux: I just need somewhere I'm safe Lux: so I can actually sort out what I'm doing with the rest of my life Amber: I know what you mean Amber: I feel like I'm always asking for time to figure things out but it doesn't happen like that Lux: Sorry to put more strain on your time right now Lux: it just Lux: ugh Amber: honestly, it's a relief that there's someone else who feels the same about this place Amber: I can't talk to my parents about it, they love it here Lux: You can talk to me about it any time Lux: even if I am your dad's teacher's pet right now Lux: I just get really bored of the manual labour here, I don't mind chipping in, obviously, but being stuck here all day every day, I want to be using my 🧠 Amber: he talks about you A LOT and I am jealous but I'm not holding it against you personally Amber: if only you could take my place in school... Amber: but for now, do you want to come with me? Somewhere where everything is concrete and plastic? Lux: Dash would be so upset we're not talking about him right there Lux: sounds like heaven Amber: does he 'do' upset? 🙄 Lux: I'm trying not to care right now Amber: we're caring about 🛍💅 like teenage girls with like ZERO struggles Amber: I full intend to buy the most uncomfortable and impractical bra ever and wear it everywhere those women are Lux: 😆 Lux: as long as I can find some falsies to fill mine Amber: I probably should too, there's not much going on here Amber: and when you're in a better headspace, I'll introduce you to my friends from school Amber: I think it'll help Lux: really? 😀 😃 Amber: Yes, some of them are so 'normal' it makes me feel 👽 Amber: but in a good way Lux: I could use that Amber: the conversations hit different because they are Lux: I liked talking to him Lux: 'til he messed it all up Amber: not to be ✌☮🕊 but do you want to give him another chance? Lux: I really don't know what I think or what I'm going to do yet Lux: I've got no desire to hate anyone or be petty Lux: but he isn't sorry so Lux: I'm just a pushover and an idiot if I give him another chance Amber: caring is important but you need to care about yourself too, especially if he isn't sorry Lux: I just hope he can make some better choices Lux: but unlikely Lux: he's happy with how it is right now Amber: treating girls right instead of passing them around like 🚬🌿 isn't growth he's ready for Amber: yet Lux: its hard to know what I should say Lux: if anything Lux: to these other girls he was openly being nasty abouy Amber: his honesty was brutal, why soften the truth if it only protects him? Amber: you can always show them the relevant parts of the conversation if you kept it Lux: I'd feel like crap if other people got hurt needlessly when I knew Lux: but I'm hardly endearing myself to them if they don't see it how I do and they just think I'm trying to like, claim him or whatever nonsense Amber: I can do it, he's already made all those jokes about me being 💔 Amber: and I've been here long enough for everyone to know who I am Lux: 🙄😒 Lux: why are guys like that Lux: they say they wanna chill with down girls but then their ego makes them wanna believe you're actually in LOVE with them Amber: I wish I knew, and that I didn't have sex with him Amber: but he probably would have said I did anyway, I guess Lux: He's the second person I've ever Amber: well now I'm really 😠 Amber: my dad'll be upset about it but if I see him around I will hit him Lux: I mean, I'm straight Lux: so I was gay Amber: that's adversity if those judgemental woman would like to get into it, liking boys is the biggest struggle Amber: they really don't make it easy for us Lux: Are there any boys you like that aren't him Amber: I need to make better decisions, so that means saying no to that question Lux: Gotcha Amber: but it's a lie and I'm not lying to you today too Amber: just so you know Lux: I appreciate it Lux: probably got enough frivolous boy chat for the both of us though, so you can try to be better Amber: he did say he likes me, I do have that in writing, but what have we learned today if not to trust stuff like that Lux: is he from school? Lux: not all guys can be total assholes, right Lux: that sounds like something those old ladies would say Amber: he's a good person but he insists he's bad for me, I have to listen to that, don't I? Lux: depends why he thinks that, I suppose Lux: it could be an insecurity thing Lux: or a genuine warning Amber: he thinks it's genuine, and I know why he does, we are very different Lux: good different like your school friends Lux: or the bad kind Amber: I don't know Lux: Tricky Amber: it's another thing I need more time to figure out Lux: You'll have it Lux: boys wait for girls like you Amber: girls like me? Lux: Beautiful Amber: that's girls like US Lux: 😌😚 Amber: beautiful and weird and getting out of here for a while even if boys are waiting for us Lux: heck yeah! Lux: he's waiting on Cleopatra though, currently Amber: who? Amber: is she new here? Lux: oh, that's not her real name Lux: umm Lux: another 💎 Amber: he's not waiting for me Lux: Sapphire! Amber: of course Lux: I don't know her Amber: she got here a few weeks ago, her brother Onyx tends to speak for her more than she does for herself Lux: don't love that Lux: was picturing Liz Taylor Lux: wouldn't need to worry about her Amber: did he say she looks like Elizabeth Taylor? Lux: just Cleo Lux: well, 'vibe' which can mean everything and nothing, I really don't know Amber: I don't 👀 it Lux: like you said, if anything his words are pretty Lux: which is nice, in a fucked up kinda way Amber: I don't think I'll try and remember how he described my 'vibe' though Lux: just let me know if he's doubling up on 👼s Amber: there are less 👼🏽 it would be creative Amber: but no Lux: not going to keep a list for him so he can keep track or anything Amber: if he keeps one himself I didn't find it when I searched his room Lux: wait, WHAT??!? Amber: he stole my stash, I didn't want my dad to get upset with me so I went to his house to see if I could get it back Amber: that's how I met his brother Amber: I didn't find it, if he smoked with you, that was on me Lux: asshole Lux: I need to find something cute to wear at the shops Lux: it's the most teen girl response possible Amber: [tells her where she can find all the best clothes because it'd be such a free for all cos nobody has proper rooms or storage like] Lux: 🤞 having my ankles on display is a CHOICE LEWK Lux: ['cos how many of these malnourished girls are 5'10 lol] Amber: ✂ Amber: short shorts are a teenage girl staple Amber: I'm going to get something else pierced while I'm this young and beautiful Lux: 😄😄 I have the legs for it 💁 Amber: and if you get 😽 called, you get to say everything Dash refused to listen to earlier Lux: Alright, I'm ready 😎 🤩 🥳 Amber: 🙃 Amber: let's go!

[teddybear-yn]

[all night - the vamps]

nct. jung jaehyun

last night’s craziness was just too much that some of it spilled onto the next morning

It was 3:16 am, and I was still wide awake. Outside, it was dark and foggy. Typical winter weather. In my mind, it was a mess of disorganized haywires - the type you wouldn't even bother yourself to fix anymore.

I try to convince myself that I couldn't fall asleep because of the stupid red bull and jet black cup of coffee I drank earlier.

But in reality, I knew I couldn't because of a new number sitting in my phone of a new guy that was waiting for me to text him first.

It all happened last night.

My group of friends and I normally were the bunch of quiet weirdos in the corner that you swore could talk to each other telepathically.

We were always laughing though, sometimes got in trouble, and went way back. All the way in middle school is where we all met and decided 'hey you're kinda cool, I'll stick with you'.

So when we were blasting music and singing obnoxiously last night? It came off as a bit of a shock to the kids that lived in the college street we raided.

It was just a whim honestly, I swear none of us were drunk or high then. In fact, we were all completely sober. Some crazy remnants still made me giggle.

We started the music at around 9pm, at first we just wanted to drive around, admiring the pretty buildings. The stereo's volume was on 26.

But then by our 6th round around the block, I was sitting on the window with my phone's flashlight on, singing obnoxiously to whatever song came on.

My friend, with her window down, conveniently had one of those echo mics and was singing to the top of her lungs despite not knowing half the lyrics.

The stereo's volume was on 99 and the bass boosters were switched on.

There were college kids playing tennis by the park then. It was almost 12am.

When the attractive group of guys came up to us, laughing, inviting us to a club party, we thought 'hey we're already getting crazy, why not go the extra mile and get drunk on a Tuesday night?’

Little did I know that that night would be a rollercoaster of emotions.

We got to the club around 1:30. All dressed up, I was feeling pretty and confident. That didn't normally happen. I wasn't the pretty one of the group.

Everything was a blur, How I was sick of dancing in the heels my friend lent me, so after a few minutes, I was the first in our group to trudge towards the bar barefoot.

I sat there watching them dance with a goofy smile on my face. We always talked about how we would all go completely crazy someday. Guess that was today. But then again maybe there were more and crazier days to come with them.

"You made it. So can I offer you a drink?" One of the guys that came up to us earlier in that attractive bunch? He was right next to me, looking more attractive as he was dressed up too.

"I'm Jaehyun. You and your friends are being hunted down by the police for the ruckus you guys made earlier, did you know that?" 

Shit. I always thought how it was odd that nobody came out and screamed at us earlier for being a driving teen concert.

Guess they didn't bother and went straight to the police.

"There aren't any cameras around there, right?" I ask nervously. After a chuckle, Jaehyun merely shrugged innocently. He should know he lives there. I glared at him, knowing that he should know.

"Okay, fine. There are cameras. But the most you'll get is a night in jail." That rang in my ears, threatening to spill out in vomit. A night in jail? My parents will kill me.

Jaehyun seems to notice my distraught as he asks me again if I wanted a drink. "A cup of coffee will be fine. Black. And some red bull."

Now that doesn't sound at all appealing, but I figured if I was spending a night in jail, there was no way in hell I would fall asleep.

"You were quite interesting earlier, almost hanging out of the car window and flailing." He chuckles again, not really helping with my stress really.

"In Psychology you were like a mouse, spoke little next to nothing and there you were, all crazy." Did he say Psychology? So I had a class with him?

Great, so some of my other classmates recognize me too then. The quiet chick that went crazy that one night. They'll think I went high on PCP.

Really this information did nothing but add to my stress. Now I was on the verge of tears as I held my head in my hands, roughly scratching my hair. “Shit.”

Remember how I said it was gonna be a rollercoaster? And I haven’t even had any alcohol yet.

My mental breakdown seemed to catch Jaehyun's attention.

"Look if you're that stressed. My uncle's the head of this district's police..." He starts off.

"I can only ask him a few times, but I can ask him to waive you guys off." Sniffling, I looked up to him in broken hope. "Can you really?"

Next thing I know Jaehyun kisses my cheek and makes a call on his phone. As he was talking on the phone, I sat there like statue, mortified by the kiss. Did he normally kiss people he just met?

"I know, this'll be my last. At least for this semester. I know one of them, the one hanging off the window, yeah. Thanks, don't tell mom." After that, Jaehyun just looks back at me with a dimpled smile on his face.

"Now you won't have to worry about that anymore." He beamed. He was right, I didn't have to worry about that cause now, I had to worry about how much I owe him. And that kiss on my cheek, Jesus Christ.

I know how this worked, his favor wasn't for free.

"Your number." The phrase 'this'll be my last' particularly rang in my head, drowning me in guilt.

I was the only one whose face was caught outside the car, I could've turned myself in and not bother anyone, especially my friends.

"I said your number would make it up." Only then was I snapped out, when Jaehyun put a hand on my thigh. I flinched away from it. And he took the signal.

"If you give me your number we'll be even." Why did he want my number? Reluctantly, I gave it to him and he gave his. Not knowing where this was going I started to look for my friends in the crowd, to leave.

But before I stood up and actually leave, Jaehyun grabbed my wrist, the same dimpled smile on his face.

"I won't force you to talk to me, so I'll wait for your text first, okay? Just don't leave me hanging." He said and with that I walked away, grabbing all 3 of my drunk friends and driving us home.

His smile softened me a bit, with the two dimples that added an extra cuteness to his face. Darn he was cute.

When we got home, it was 2:48am. I got all the girls out of their clothes, forced them to shower and drink a full glass of water before doing so myself.

As I got out of the shower, I saw them giggling amongst themselves like teenagers, stopping when they saw me.

"What is it?" I walked up to them, drying my hair with my towel.

"When are you texting Jaehyun?" My best friend asked me excitedly as if she couldn't hold it in anymore. But her question honestly just reminded me about that incident. With Jaehyun.

"How do you know about that?" Brushing it off, it seems my attempt at changing the topic only made it worse. Now they started squealing while my best friend kept saying 'i told you so'.

"I told you he was into her! Why else would he go all the way around the car to ask us to his party. And through her! He was even leaning to her earlier." She said all in one breath, but not without emphasizing some specific parts.

It took me a while to realize what on earth she was talking about. And without my other friend's help, I wouldn't have.

"She's talking about how earlier Jaehyun and his friends were closer to the right side of the car and could've asked her if we wanted to go to the party because she had her window down. We all did.." I see my best friend nodding triumphantly.

"But he went all the way around the car to ask you on the other side and he was leaning in too. So we figured he liked you."

That's it? They were basing these assumptions out of that one small detail. Pssh.

"It's the small things that matter." They all tell me. Great, now I'm starting to believe it.

Just as I was about to delete his number and forget it ever happened too.

"Oh, let's all just go to sleep. We still have class tomorrow." I hurriedly downed a glass of water (but then remembering I didn't really drink tonight) and usher the girls into their rooms.

Now it was 3:16am and I was still wide awake. The past few hours felt like a dream. I held my heart and still felt the adrenaline of the party and us driving around college street with our volume maxed.

I held my phone in my hands, switched on and on Jaehyuns contact. Something in me wanted to see if he really wouldn't text me first like he said, but a bigger part was telling me to go and not leave the guy hanging.

Who am I kidding? He probably has a bunch of girls' numbers that's why he didn't want to text me first. Cause he was too busy with the others. I wouldn't be leaving him hanging.

But here I was, typing and erasing words in my phone repeatedly. A never-ending cycle. Again, a rollercoaster.

sent

would you really not text me first even if you had my number?

My heart felt like it was stuck in my throat as I threw my phone to other side of my room. Only to stand up and pick it up as I hear the familiar ding of a new message.

received

honestly, I would have. but now I'm just glad you didn't leave me hanging.

A blush was creeping up my face as I read his text. He was glad I texted him.

sent

I never really said thank you for getting your uncle to waive us. so, thank you.

God, I felt so cringey and strange.

received

you're welcome. just don't do it again because that was my last favor from him probably and you could've gotten hurt hanging off the car window like that.

Now, I really felt strange. It was something I couldn't explain, like I felt lured so much into this Jaehyun I just met. I didn't even notice the smile on my face that came up since his first text.

sent

I'm sorry I took your last :( I'll make it up however I can.

received

you can make it up by eating out with me tomorrow after classes?

sent

sure, I'll pay for wherever you want to eat

received

as a date and I'll pay. it's only right that I should

There it was again, the feeling where it felt like my heart was stuck in my throat. Anyone seeing me would think I was a maniac with how I was smiling so weirdly into my phone.

sent

alright but you choose where to eat

I texted Jaehyun so that I could fall asleep, but now it was 5:12am and the sun was starting to rise. We basically texted each other for 2 hours straight.

I knew all these stupid facts about Jaehyun now too. About how he's a music major, he had a lot of friends - 17 of them and some were still in highschool, he lived in California for 4 years - or was that Connecticut, and how he actually legally changed his name to Yoonoh but just didn't use it cause it sounded like someone else's.

received

it's 5:30 already. when's your first class?

sent

7...

received

you should go to sleep now. wouldn't want you falling asleep in class, babe.

sent

alright. goodnight, Jae.

received 

goodnight, darling. 

Babe and darling. I just met this man last night, technically, this morning. But already, Jung Jaehyun was becoming the death of me.

A/N. so my friends and i did this crazy thing where we drove around a college district at 9pm on a tuesday night, with our windows down, volume on max, and bass boosters switched on. we got in trouble but it felt so...