#i feel like i opened pandora’s box by checking what the top song was

[leftoverlight]

hell is stored in the Your Top Songs 2016 playlist

[astromechs]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @thecasualauthor18 ; thank you!

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

it looks like i've got 77 right now

2.  What's your total AO3 word count?

180,976

3. What fandoms do you write for?

most of it is marvel and star wars, have a modest collection for the peacemaker tv series, and then side trips into other things!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

this might be all i ever wanted (all i ever wanted to happen to me) — 226 kudos

whatever happens (happens to the both of us) — 172 kudos

we've come a long, long way together — 171 kudos

why don't you close your eyes and reinvent me — 170 kudos

feeling's running straight to my bones — 132 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i really need to get better about this, because i have been slacking bad lol; i love each and every one and appreciate them so, so much, but i get flustered and then i forget to reply and i'm a hot mess ghfdjks

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i think i tend to favor open/ambiguous endings, more than outright angsty ones? probably almost paradise, though; the one time i acknowledged mcu gamora died and she was still dead at the end of this, so that was depressing by my standards. also my two canon compliant rogue one fics because i mean... gestures to what canon compliant means.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

obviously that time rick astley saved the world in that fic of mine from 2009.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

shoutout to that one weirdo who left me anon hate over... checks notes... carol danvers and jessica drew kissing. i even had to report that to ao3 because it was legit harassment, and for what.

9. Do you write smut. If so, what kind?

i did a calculation recently and like 2/3 of the fics i've published in the past two years have been smut. oops.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i do love inventing ships out of nothing and making you all see my vision — so while a lot of what i've published on that front has been confined to comic characters who've never interacted before, i do have more in my head.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of......

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! anything that's worth my love (is worth the fight) was translated into chinese, and that's still, like, the neatest thing that's ever happened to me.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

i've played around with sharing universes with friends and swapping ideas! and a couple of co-written series we dabbled in.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

honestly? yeah, it's rebelcaptain. straight up. what you've all witnessed this year is the culmination of 1) my pandemic character arc of having zero shame of what i fling to my ao3 account anymore, and 2) that particular pandora's box getting reopened thanks to andor getting released at the end of last year because being insane about them has lived in me like a sleeper agent since 2016.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

ugh unfortunately the marvel cosmic star wars au will probably never get done

16. What are your writing strengths?

getting into character's heads and having the reader experience their emotions, maybe? idk maybe tension between characters, sexual or otherwise? maybe smut? maybe humor?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i hate titles so much. hate hate HATE. song lyrics are my life hack for that.

also what is a plot

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

if i don't know the language, i'm not confident i'm going to get it right, so i usually just take the comics approach of < words go here > if this ever comes up.

19. First Fandom you wrote for?

i wrote some unhinged star wars prequels (specifically anidala) fics in high school, and i also started writing unhinged matrix fics around that time. no, none of you will see any of those.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

keep whatever it is (that's compelling you on) — because it's the culmination of a story that had lived in my head for years but i didn't think i was skilled enough to carry out, so i was proud i finally wrote it

Going On An Adventure 🧜‍♂️ by peaceluvr69 — is my comedic magnum opus tbh and i made myself laugh stupid the entire time i was writing it, so that has to count for something

here's hoping we collide — i really do genuinely love how this story turned out 🥹 to the point that i actually keep thinking about making a branch universe off of this to give that jyn and that cassian from five years prior to rogue one more chances to know each other and also be... prickly little assholes in a funny way, because they're funny. i imagine the hell they'd raise together and it warms my heart.

tagging (no pressure!): @quarantineddreamer ; @frostbitepandaaaaa ; @sgtjamesrogers ; @ezracomehome ; @luciechat ; @rebelrainfall

[mitchelldailygames]

Heroes of Song Devlog Part 11: Picking It Back Up

I set this game to the side for a bit to work on some other projects, but recently have found some new motivation and have been diving back into it! As always, the design principles:

The heroes are cute.

Kindness matters.

The world is weird.

Sometimes you don’t fight. Sometimes you do.

Health is hearts.

Art Announcement

One of the main drivers of my new motivation is that I got art back! Check back here on the Wednesday after Christmas to see the first piece! You can also follow me on the website I continue to call Twitter to see it.

Having something to look at, something to grasp of this world I’ve been imagining, is very exciting and life-giving. On all other projects I’ve released, I’ve either done the art myself or used stock images, so there were always limitations. Having a very talented artist actually create the perfect artwork for this game is incredible. I highly recommend it. 10/10.

The artist is @warrenbutgnome. You should definitely check out his stuff.

Layout or “The Look”

I’ve recently been trying out some layout ideas and feel like I’m approaching something that I like. You can see it below. The pixelation is hiding some of the art I will be revealing soon, and the text isn’t final, but you can get the idea. I’ll just say, I’m sticking with “The heroes are cute.”

I like having the solid color corners so you can easily find chapters. The dots in that solid color field are the forj’d rune numbers for the chapter number. I think overall, this look is pretty clean and doesn’t interfere with the text. This is friendlier and softer than a lot of the stuff I’ve made (especially recently) which I think is good for this game.

The text will be justified, not left aligned. I’ve already changed it on the document. The fonts used here are Da Pandora for the title/chapter headings and Palatino for everything else. I don’t know what else to say about it, but getting this done, even though I’m a long way off from actually finalizing text and laying everything out, is really encouraging. If you have suggestions or feedback, I’m open to it!

Character Sheet

I’ve also been working on the character sheet. You can find the current version of first page, which contains the essential information for a character, below.

Knowing how much space I actually have while looking at the page on a computer is always a challenge for me. I have a tendency to give way too much space for some things and not leaving enough for others. Looking at it now, I see there is much more space for writing out the second piece of gear than the first. That could definitely be improved. Earlier versions had huge boxes for the character portrait/description, and I like it slimmed down.

I liked the idea of coloring in the symbols with color for hearts, effort, and spirit based on how much your max was. Trying it out with just normal pencils is a little awkward, so I might end up making a version that doesn’t have that so I can free up space for writing out move descriptions or songs, runes, and rituals. I’m also not sure how to get a fillable pdf that allows filling up the images for the pools without doing some programming that I don’t know how to do. That’s definitely no the top priority at the moment, but it’s on my mind. If someone reading this knows exactly how they’d do it, I’d be willing to pay to get it done.

Other Stuff

I’ve been tweaking the rules. I’ve been stat-ing out enemies. I’ve even been working out some downtime systems including a community building mechanic and mini-games for a variety of leisure/non-adventuring activities like fishing/hunting, foraging, and cooking. I also made a list of prompts for getting to know your characters a bit better when nothing else is going on. Sometimes you don’t fight.

I was going to get into all of that, but as I started writing it, I realized it really was its own post. So keep an eye out for that down the line!

The world is weird; kindness matters.

--Daily

[starbuckie]

𝐚 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝

pairing: librarian!bucky barnes x reader

words: 2.8k words

warnings: SMUT 18+ (cockwarming, exhibitionism, unprotected sex, dirty talk), the actual reading of smut in the fic, fluff, BUCKY WITH GLASSES SUPREMACY

summary: bucky’s a little tired, a little grumpy, a little horny and y/n has the audacity to prance around his library with no underwear.

a/n: go deep is such a good smutty book go read it, read it now (also please reblog and comment if you enjoy<3)

main masterlist || sebastian stan characters masterlist

It should’ve been a rule that no library was allowed to be open past nine o’clock at night. There was absolutely no reason that Bucky Barnes should’ve had to be checking out books for a bunch of bratty college kids who forgot to finish their papers instead of spooning her on the couch at home.

Of course, Y/N could go home and enjoy herself by the warm fireplace with Alpine, but what fun would that even be without her boyfriend? She needed someone to hold and no offense to her fur baby, but the little kitten had sharp claws that were not suitable for snuggling.

So instead the bored woman found herself tugging Bucky’s cinnamon-smelling, forest green sweater closer to her chest, finding the advertised “steamiest book of the year” Fifty Shades of Grey drier than sex with her college boyfriend. And he would ask her to call him sexy repeatedly for dirty talk. She had to shudder just at the thought.

She wandered back through the tall, long bookshelves she had known for as long as she had known Bucky, trailing her fingers along the weathered spines of astronomy books and humming some off-beat Taylor Swift song. She ran into one of Bucky’s regulars, a high school rugrat named Alisha with nothing better to do than peruse the ancient Greek myths in aisle fifty-four. They had a nice little discussion about the association of the stereotype of women being evil with Pandora’s opening the box, and the older woman walked away feeling like a scholar again. 

Okay, Y/N didn’t hate staying late with Bucky, he knew some pretty cool people and it was Friday which meant she got free hot chocolate. But it was getting late and she was feeling particularly annoying in the moment, so she made her way to her boyfriend to find out when he was able to close up.

“Time to bother Bucky-o’clock,” she sang under her breath. Her black skater skirt swished around her thighs as she skipped upstairs, a half-drunk cup of cocoa in her hand and a horrible, horrible book under her arm. The top of the stairs revealed pale blue walls with a high ceiling and an open dome where she could see the stars. 

There was no doubt that the library building was beautiful. Bucky just fit right into the picture while he sat behind his old oak desk reading a book, his shoulder-length chestnut hair tucked behind his ears and his broad shoulders protruding from the confines of his leatherback swivel chair. Y/N always did find his beefiness in comparison to his chair amusing.

She snuck up behind him with a smile, her left arm outreached for his shoulder when she paused and actually saw what he was so concentrated on. 

Oh.

What she found her boyfriend reading, that was much hotter than the stupid book by E.L. James or the fanfiction she had once tried to read on fanfiction.net.

Looking back, maybe reading smut on fanfiction.net had been the issue.

But that book Bucky was reading. All she had to do was catch her eyes on a few words and she was hooked.

Xander’s warm hands slid up and down her back as he continued kissing her neck. She hated that it was so easy, but her pussy was already throbbing. She gasped when those warm hands covered her breasts and kneaded them with just enough pressure to have her leaning forward into his touch. When Xander’s lips found hers again, it was nothing like the first time-

“I know you’re readin’ over my shoulder there, pumpkin, can practically feel your face heatin’ up right now.” There was a hint of a smirk in his voice and he knew she had been caught, but she wasn’t that embarrassed. Her cheeks were totally not hot with desire as she slunk into his lap and flung her legs around his muscular thighs- oh, that really did not help her case.

“What’re you reading there, Buck? Looked real interesting from what I saw.” Y/N teased. Now it was his turn to blush, a deep red taking over the tip of his nose and the apple of his cheeks. She leaned her head back against his shoulder, nosing the column of his throat with a small grin.

“‘S called Go Deep,” he whispered. His fingers pushed the pages over so his girlfriend could see the cover of a scantily clad woman on all fours. It was quite self-explanatory what he was reading- it was straight smut. 

“She’s got a nice ass,” Y/N hummed. “This another one from TikTok?”

“Yeah,” he flipped the page open again, “a college romance.”

The woman sitting in his lap had to chuckle. “Aw, a couple of college romantics like we were, Buck,” she cooed. His cheeks only turned darker and she kissed the reddening skin of his neck. “Don’t be so shy, honey, I wanna read it too. It’ll give me something to think about as I await these long, tortuous hours with you until you’re able to close up.”

“It’s only forty-five minutes more, sweetheart, I think you can hold on a little longer,” Bucky chuckled. The air was suddenly cooler. It was almost as if the aura of the room changed and Y/N could practically feel his eyes darken as she shifted relentlessly over his lap just to rile him up. He leaned a little closer to her ear and whispered, “C’mon, pumpkin, be the good little girl I know you can be. Just hold it.”

But she chose to do the exact opposite. Like a minx, she arched her back, trailing her hand up to his neck where she wrapped her fingers around his suddenly constricted throat. He could feel the dryness of it from the moment she started to rock her hips down on his. 

Her look was normal for her at least, a flowy skirt with no panties. Bucky knew just what she needed. Knew just what she craved. She enjoyed playing this little game of hers, taunting him at his workplace with one goal in mind. The real question was whether he wanted to give it to her or not with the way she was acting.

She could hear him growl as she wiggled about on his lap. “You really wanna do this right now, sweetheart?”

“You know I always do, baby” she smiled, rocking her hips once more over his erection before she was being pushed up. Her hands found balance against the desk and her ass was suddenly bare to the cold air of the library with no panties on. She could feel Bucky’s right hand pulling up her skirt against her back as he tried to undo the button of his tight black jeans with his metal one.

Bucky’s head whipped around the room, or what he could see of it anyways. It was empty. He knew that there were a few stragglers in the library somewhere, but as long as they stayed where they were, he should be able to just get his stupid jeans undone-

The button popped open after a few (aggressive) tries, and his hardened cock strained up through his plaid briefs. There was a patch of precome from where he was leaking but Bucky was mindless as he tugged his length from under the elastic waistband. He groaned under his breath at the cold sensation his metal hand gave him, and soon enough he was lining his cock up to Y/N’s weeping entrance.

“You ready, honey?” He whispered in her ear from behind. His girlfriend whimpered quietly, nodding her head and biting down on her lip hard. His large hands moved up to her waist, massaging the flesh as he brought her hips down onto his lap. Both of them moaned at the intrusion and all Bucky could think of was how warm and wet she was.

“You’re just absolutely soaked for me, sweetheart, ain’t you?” Bucky chuckled almost darkly. She couldn’t even give a direct answer. “Funny how you get all shy an’ quiet on me after I’ve filled you with my cock. Maybe I should do it more often here, I’ve been gettin’ a whole lotta complaints ‘bout you and that loud mouth of yours.”

He readjusted her hips on top of his, and Y/N had to gasp at the new ways his cock managed to push against her walls. The way his body consumed her coaxed her onto cloud nine, and subconsciously she began to rock back and forth on his dick. She tilted her lips up to his and pushed his head down to meet her in the middle. His soft, rosy lips caressed hers and she savored the taste of vanilla latte on the top of his tongue.

“Buck, you’re so big, fillin’ me up so good,” Y/N whined against his mouth.

Her boyfriend just swallowed her moans with a smirk. “Shut it and read this book with me, honey.” Her hips began to rock on top of his again but he stopped her before he could come on the spot. “God, you’re such an impatient little thing, grinding your sweet little cunt on me like that. Maybe I’ll rub that needy clit of yours if you hold the book for me but for now, you’re gonna sit on my cock and be quiet.”

And Y/N could do nothing but hold the book like he told her to. 

There was nothing awkward about how Xander’s lips moved roughly over hers as he coaxed her mouth open with his tongue. He continued tugging at her nipples as his tongue caressed hers. Her moans only seemed to spur him on more. His hands moved to her waist and suddenly he was tugging her on to his lap where his hardness pressed against her-

“Excuse me,” a customer interrupted their reading. The couple gasped, Y/N more so when Bucky sat up with speed and his dick hit her g-spot from a different angle. She disguised her moan with a cough, hiding the book from the poor, old woman’s sight before she could see the more than scandalizing title. “Do you happen to know where I can find the Star Wars comic books? My grandson loves them so much but I can’t seem to find them in the illustrated novels section.”

Though the couple wanted to curse the old woman out for ruining their time, they could not because; a. harassing elders was a crime and b. technically the librarian was supposed to be working and… librarian-ing. With a gentle sigh, the brunette readjusted the rectangle frames on his nose and squeezed his girlfriend’s thighs gently before pointing over to the staircase. “Sorry, those books are actually on our ‘From the Movies’ shelf on the second floor. Should be under Gillen.” When both Y/N and the older woman stared at him questioningly, he had the good grace to blush. “‘M a big fan of those ones too.”

“Oh, you’re such a sweetheart,” the older woman chuckled. Her smile was wide as she turned around, waltzing away to the stairs with a little more pep in her step. 

The couple let out a deep sigh as soon as her wiry, grey hair was out of eyesight. Bucky’s big hands slid up Y/N’s skirt from where it hid their filthy deed, his cock sat tight inside her dripping pussy. Massaging her inner thighs, he whispered in her ear and tuned out the little whimpers she let out because his fingers were so close to where she needed them.

“Just as quiet as a lil’ mouse, sweetheart, did so good for me,” Bucky smirked. Two of his metal digits gently nudged her throbbing clit, gathering wetness from the mess she was making on his thighs. Starting in slow circles, he finally gave her the touch she had been deprived of the whole day. Her head fell back against his shoulder again and a gratified, breathy moan spilled from her lips. “See what happens when you listen, honey? You get what you want.”

Y/N’s shaking hands were failing to hold the book up anymore and Bucky helped her out, grabbing the spine from her fingers and placing it down on the desk. Closed completely with all pages shut, anything else would demolish his reputation as a book lover.

“I don’t think we need those words anymore, they’re not gonna make you feel as good as I am, pumpkin.”

“Bucky, baby,” Y/N mewled, “can I move now? Please? I’ve been so good for you.”

Oh, Bucky adored when she got like this. All her energy and brattiness, just reduced to a whining puddle of neediness. There was that little lilt to her voice, the one she only got when she was too close to coming and he had to take pity on her for how little he had given her. She was pathetic, really, but he loved to take care of her and gave in to her every whim.

“Alright, fuck yourself stupid on my cock, yeah? Take what you want, honey,” he growled, helping her lift her weakened legs up with a warm hand on the curve of her waist. “Bring your knees up here, make it easier for yourself.”

Her legs bent on either side of his thighs as she brought herself up. With aching knees dug into the taut leather, she began to bounce and tried her best to hold back her moans of pure ecstasy. 

Bucky’s hands lifted the back of her skirt again, revealing the globes of her ass, just begging to be grabbed. He cupped the flesh with his right hand, rubbing soothingly in tandem with the one rubbing her clit. “I know, honey,” he simpered, “I wanna hear those sweet noises of yours too but you’ve gotta be quiet. You’ve been so obedient so far, pumpkin, when we get home you can scream all you want to.”

Y/N’s eyes started to go white, the borders of her vision closing in on her view of the bookshelves and desk in front of her. The telltale sign of the tightening in her stomach began and her cunt began to pulse around Bucky’s throbbing cock. “Bucky,” she whined, “‘m so close, baby. Can’t hold on to it any longer-”

“‘S okay, pumpkin, I’m gettin’ close too. Go ahead, come all over my cock,” Bucky cooed, his fingers quickening against her leaking pussy. “Let go.”

They were lucky that the brunette knew her so well, shoving four thick fingers between her parted lips as she came with a loud, raucous whine. Her nipples peaked against the thin sweater of his she wore as she rode on her high. With her thighs squeezing his cock he came along with her, burying his face in her neck and biting down on the sweat-beaded skin. 

His hips bucked up against her, hitting her g-spot with every thrust as he released his spend into her. Their juices leaked out of her swollen cunt, making a mess of his jeans that he’d have to hide before any customers saw.

“Mm, Buck, love you,” his lips sucked a bruise into the juncture of her collarbone as she smiled in bliss.

She loved staying late at the library with him.

His cock sat inside her until he felt it soften enough for him to pull out of her without pain. Though Y/N did wince when her pussy was emptied of his come and length, she ultimately relaxed into him. He tucked his dick back into his underwear, fumbling with his jeans until he looked as normal as he could with come-stained jeans.

“That was good, pumpkin,” he noted. His metal arm ran through his long, sweaty hair, trying to come down from his post-orgasmic high. “Should keep you here longer all the time if you’re gonna act like that.”

“Or,” Y/N straddled his lap facing him again, “we could just go home and do it in our very comfortable bed.”

Though her body faced away from the desk, Bucky could feel how her body ached for something behind her. Wrapping an arm around her back, he leaned a little forward to grab the book that had started their whole tryst in the chair in the first place. His fingers quickly flipped through the pages until he found where they had left off. His bright blue eyes were consumed by her favorite darkness when he looked back down to her, and she had to grin up at him wolfishly.

“You wanna keep reading, don’t you, honey?” Bucky’s lips quirked at the edges, amused by her sudden desire.

“What can I say, baby?” She touched her forehead to his, stopping her lips just a millimeter away from his. His eyes matched hers- just as lust-driven and filled with an endless thirst for each other. “It’s a good read.”

[writingsorrantings]

Friends Don’t Look at Friends That Way Pt 3 (jj x reader)

(Final chapter)

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Alcohol mentions, light mention of abuse, angst 

Music Rec: Mean It - Gracie Abrams (OOF not a perfect fit but damn)

Part One  Part Two

Recap: “She reached into the backseat and handed you the bottle you had snagged earlier and after spinning the top off you took your first of many shots that night. “You deserve to have a good night. Without JJ. Let’s fucking do this.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After a week of feeling nothing but stress and hurt, you were more than happy to take a break from feeling anything at all, including all of your limbs. You had never been as drunk as you were tonight, but you wouldn’t consider yourself trashed yet. You and Kie had only been at the beach for about a half hour, staying regulated to the mob of dancing people, yet you still hadn’t run into any of the guys. Although you missed John B and Pope you were in no rush to see JJ tonight. That being said, you couldn’t wait for him to see you. At this point most of the anger you had felt had dissipated and you were focused solely on having a good time no longer needing the help of the boy you thought was your best friend. 

Another song had started and it was one of your favorites. The lights hung up around the beach were blurred as you spun, hands in the air and hips moving. You had ditched your shoes a while back and you sunk your toes into the still warm sand smiling because you felt great. The thoughts that had been plaguing you were replaced with nothing but the lyrics of the song booming from the speakers and the hope of food soon. Vodka and beer had done their job tonight. You were brought back to reality seconds later when a tall body pushed against your back and an arm was secured around your shoulders. You tensed up, but kept dancing. Hell, you were drunk and maybe the guy was cute.

 “Hey (y/n)! Where’ve you been? We missed you!”

 The drunken words of John B. floating into your ear made you soften into his embrace gently hitting his chest for getting your hopes up. You both remained arms around each other as you made your way to get another drink. Leaning on each other for balance, the only way you could describe it was blind leading the blind, but it felt nice to stumble around with your friend clinging to you.  

“Livin’ and breathing babe, just livin’ and breathing.”

“And drinking apparently.” John B. chuckled at his own joke stopping only to continue his questioning. “What’s really going on? I mean you went AWOL, JJ’s been tripping shit, and even Pope is weirder than usual. Is it something I did?” John B. knew what it was about, but even with a mind clouded with cheap beer, he knew that you would confess to him before you ever let him blame himself. 

“No, no! B. it has nothing to do with you, I’ve missed you soooo much.” You cringed at the prominent slurring of the words. “I love you John B. you are the greatest…I just...JJ has an issue with me and I don’t know what to do. I mean he won’t talk to me and I… I wish I was mad, but honestly I just miss him.” 

“JJ is a dumbass, (y/n), you know sometimes he just gets like that.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just never with me.”

John B. started to get frustrated. He loved you because you were a part of his found family. It was complete bullshit that JJ’s stubborn ass had not only separated you from the group, but also had deeply hurt your feelings and John wouldn’t stand for that. 

“C’mon let’s go dance. We can have fun.” he said as he pushed your hair back smiling. You both downed your freshly filled drinks and  made your way back to your previous spot.

JJ was the polar opposite of you, his mood worsening by the minute but he wouldn’t let that stop him. He decided to stay towards the edges of the crowd, finding a girl every so often that he would begin to flirt with. He had already talked to about four girls, but each time proved less fruitful than the last. The latest tourist he had sat down with was talking to him about something, but JJ could not be less bothered with it. It wasn’t that he was trying to ignore her, but when he saw you and John B. dancing in the crowd all he could hear was a ringing in his ears. After a week of doing everything in his power to compartmentalize his emotions for you, pandora’s or in this case JJ’s box went flying open and all of the feelings and memories came back. The tourist noticed he wasn’t listening and huffed carrying herself over to another attractive boy and JJ didn’t even flinch. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He wanted nothing more to replace John B. and dance with you. Shit he’d even settle for just sitting on the beach, no words, just enjoying each other’s presence. He couldn’t deny it, you looked great. Oh god, his eyes made their way to your almost bare back, only a small string tied holding the top around you. Continuing his gaze downward, he focused on your ankle to find that you were still wearing the anklet that he stole for you about two years back. His eyes flitted back up when you flipped your hair, the loose beachy waves bouncing back into place below your shoulders and his fingers itched to go over and push the one stray behind your ear so he could see your smile better. Braces had corrected your horrendously crooked teeth when you were younger, but one tooth on the bottom shifted ever so slightly. No one could see it unless you were truly smiling, not just faking it. JJ was the first to notice the tooth and quickly figured out this secret. He decided to keep his little discovery to himself. Next he admired your subtle freckles that dusted your cheeks and nose. You were practically glowing. And that hurt like a bitch. It just proved his point that you were better off without him. Yet, before he knew it his feet were carrying his alcohol riddled body towards your dancing figure unsure of what he was planning on doing once he reached you. 

Out of nowhere you feel someone’s eyes on you and you quickly glance to see JJ is staring at you from where he is seated and you knew that your plan was working. His face was soft, jaw slack and he had a hand tugging at his hair.  You quickly put your focus back on Kie and John B., but not even a minute had passed before JJ was in front of you an unreadable expression on his face. You felt like you were going to shit yourself(not really but frankly you were looking for any way out of this situation.) 

“hey”

Your brain was going a hundred miles a minute but you wouldn’t let him see that.

“hey”

JJ couldn’t will his voice to be steady so he settled for a head gesture to a quieter place outside the crowd and put out his hand for you to take. You glanced at his hand dumbfounded, but your composure remained steady as you pushed past his hand to head outside the dancing mob. He hurt your feelings. You’re talking to get closure. Answers. Nothing else. You sat down on a log and JJ carefully sat down next to you, neither of you looking at the other, instead focusing intently on the waves in front of you. Gave you a feeling of dejavu, but the pit in your stomach reminded you it wasn’t.

 “How are you?” JJ said, taking the lead in the conversation.

“What do you think?”

“I...I’m sorry (y/n)--”

“--Don’t be sorry, I’m fucking fantastic actually. Life gets a lot better when people stop pretending to give a shit.”

“(y/n), come on that’s not fair. You know I care.”

A memory of JJ consoling you in the middle of the night hit you like a ton of bricks. You had gotten into a fight with your parents over the immense pressure they put on you to perform. They were so intent on you being successful, the need to be perfect was always present in your mind and JJ was very understanding. He was one of the few to check up on you, the girl who was always there for everyone else. That night he held you while you were sobbing and crumpled on the floor. He never told you but that night his dad had hit him a few times, yet he still took care of you physically and mentally. Despite the aching in the bruised shoulder you were leaning against, he stayed still only moving to slightly rock you and kiss your head. After you had calmed down and helped onto the bed, he grabbed your pj’s for you to change into while he snuck downstairs to get you a glass of water, an Advil, and ice cream. When he came back up, your head was propped up on his shoulder while you ate and watched Netflix.

Ouch... how could two people go from that to this? No! No. Don’t let him do this. Care?! No he cared! Cause if he still did he would at least talk to you!

“How would I know? You haven’t talked to me.” 

JJ didn’t know how to respond. You were right. No questions asked. God he loves you so much but he can’t risk hurting you anymore than he already has.

With no pause, his response came out in a whisper, “I’ll always care about you (y/n). No matter what.”

“So then what happened? Why…I just don’t know... Did I do something?” you said, the alcohol pushing you to form incoherent but honest sentences. At this point you had shifted your body to face him and all bets were off. Tears had filled your eyes as you prepared for the worst. 

JJ mimicked your body language and grabbed your hand as if to make sure he got his point across while saying “no” forcefully. He wasn’t aggressive, rather he was just intense and his eyes bore into your own matching that energy. At this point you were frozen. It just doesn’t make sense. How could he ignore you for a week with no reason, but look at you like that. 

“JJ. Just tell me. Whatever it is, I’m here and you know that.”

He wouldn’t. He couldn’t. It would mess up everythi-- “I love you.”

Your lips parted and your eyes grew wide. You and JJ were always close, but even as friends you guys had found your way to maneuver your way around those words, so you knew what he meant. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him, but his eyes were darting around focusing on anything other than your own. 

“Fucking hell JJ…Wait is this why...You ignored me because of this?” you chuckled. Before he had time to misinterpret it you continued, “JJ I love you too. I was going crazy without you. I was so scared you had found out and were never gonna talk to me again.” 

“God (y/n) you just.. I mean I just didn’t--don’t want to hurt you.”

“And you thought this was a good idea?” At this point you were both laughing and leaning against each other. 

JJ sat back up facing you and then glanced down at your lips and then back up at your eyes. For once he was afraid of making the first move. He would only do this if you wanted to. You wouldn’t wait a second more slowly bringing your lips to meet his own and dove your fingers into his hair as he held your hip under your shirt gently squeezing. As you pulled away all you could do was smile and JJ was the same.

“Can’t tell you how long I’ve waited to do that. I mean tonight you looked so good I couldn’t---” JJ was interrupted by John B. as your three friends approached.

“---Can’t be much longer than we waited. Shit, you finally made a good choice.” 

JJ tossed an arm around you pulling you to his chest as you all laughed.Your friends joined you on and around the log passing a cup around laughing and singing happy to finally be together again. JJ leaned closer and put his lips right next to your ear and whispered.

“Yeah, I think I did.”

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And that’s a wrap!! Thank you so much everyone who left notes and comments it really inspired me to write more so I really do appreciate it. The quarantine has been difficult, but getting kind messages from you all has been so helpful. Hope you are all doing well. Let me know if you have any requests. Thank you guys!!!

@ ashhh27, @sarahsmaybank​, @tempestades-de-verao​

[feverinfeveroutfic]

chapter twenty: all the world’s a stage

“Time for the new record!” Scott declared as he rubbed his hands together.

It was the day before the official release date and Sam, Aurora, and Marla all had driven up to the studio in upstate New York to fetch the copies for themselves given it was a Tuesday. The former had her journal rested upon her lap for the entire trip but she had it tucked underneath her arm once they headed inside away from the impending lake effect snow. The end of October and the heart of autumn and yet the forecast called for snow all over most of the upstate area.

Belinda had stayed back down in New York City to tend to organizing the models for Miss Estes: their first one was within a week, and she vowed to give Sam and Marla some insight into their first real big art project for the winter term.

“I'd rather you ladies get a head start on it now,” she explained to them right before they left, “you know, as you're learning the basics of how to make it all look like cohesive drawings.”

And as she said that, she showed Sam a raise of the eyebrows as if she was concerned about her. Even though drawing came to her as if it was second nature, Sam still struggled with shading with graphite. Despite her holding onto the pencil at an angle so as to use the edge of the graphite, the shadows on her sketches always came out too soft and light for it to resemble to the real thing. Whenever Miss Estes or even Marla told her to keep on adding graphite and it would build, it did, but it never got to a point in which it was dark enough. It always seemed odd to her because she could do it with ink and colored pencil as if it was nothing. But she never realized just how much she struggled with graphite until she was shown the very basics there in class.

Thus, Sam rode along in the front seat next to Marla with what she wanted to make for the winter term swimming through her mind. She thought about Joey and what he had asked her back on his birthday, and she wondered if she could convince him to do the same as Cliff for their drawing class. And she kept those thoughts firmly on her mind as they reached the studio and were greeted by the guys themselves.

Joey himself was wrapped up in a dark knit sweater under a long black coat and a knit scarf: his jet black curls were tousled onto one side of his head. Some of the curls sprawled down his shoulder onto the heavy fabric. Even though the room was warm and safe from the harsh New York cold, he still shivered from the feeling. At one moment, he stepped out of the room and he offered to get the three girls a cup of hot chocolate for each of them.

Meanwhile, Frank had on a little pair of dark red gloves and he rubbed his hands together.

“I can't believe we're all about to let you girls have a little taste of our new record,” he remarked once they all congregated in that room together. Dan huddled down next to him with his hands tucked into his jacket pockets.

“It almost feels like we're about to give away the new record,” he confessed to Frank.

“We kinda are, but we trust these girls, though,” he pointed out.

“Yeah, we'll take good care of these,” Aurora vowed to Dan.

“By the way, Sam has something a little special to share with you fellas,” Marla added, and she turned her head in her direction. “If it's not too much trouble.”

“Nah, I've been wanting to just let this happen already,” Sam confessed as she took out the journal from its hiding place under her arm. She had slipped a makeshift bookmark in between the pages to separate those ink drawings from the rest of the pack: that pencil sketch of Joey hung right behind the bookmark and she hoped that none of them would have a look at it.

She sprawled the book open before Frank and Dan to that very first drawing: the latter raised his eyebrows at the sight of that diseased drawing and the former gaped at the very sight of it.

“Wow,” Dan muttered.

“That's—That's—” Frank could hardly speak.

“What?” Sam asked them.

“I just lost my train of my thought,” Frank confessed as he ran his fingers through his hair and showed her an amazed expression. Dan chuckled at him. “Sam, it's so—so—so—”

“You made Frank forget himself for a second, Sam,” Marla told her with a grin on her face.

“These are thirty one drawings to represent all thirty one days in October,” Sam explained as she moved her fingers a little bit to put more emphasis on the drawing. “And they're in dedication of the new record.” She then turned the page to the next one, the inmates in the asylum. Followed by the next one. And the next one. Each time, Frank's eyes widened and his face fixated on what he saw before him. They heard him breathe out the words “oh my god.”

“Have you shown these to your classmates?” he finally choked out at one point.

“I haven't, no,” she admitted. Frank turned his head in the opposite direction.

“Hey, Charlie!” he called out. “Come check this out!”

Dan dropped his gaze a bit to one part of that thirty first drawing: his eyes caressed over the pen strokes. Sam could tell he was getting lost in the whole thing. Charlie strode into the room right then with his hood pulled over the crown of his head: some stray black curls jutted out from underneath the fabric of the hood.

“What's up, Frankie—holy shit,” he blurted out at the sight of the drawing before Dan's face. He turned and nodded at Charlie.

“She made these thirty one drawings for Spreading,” Frank explained to him. “And she did them pretty quickly, too.”

Charlie gaped at that.

“Thirty one drawings for each day in October,” Sam added in a low voice.

“Hasn't showed them to her classmates, either,” Dan told him; she handed Charlie the journal with her finger rested upon the top of the bookmark so he could start there. He gazed on at that first drawing as if he had seen heaven, and Frank and Dan returned to the three of them.

“Would like your copies?” Frank asked them as he shook his head about as if he returned to consciousness.

“Yes, please!” Aurora replied.

“Is that a rhetorical question?” Marla retorted, and he and Dan gestured for the three of them to follow them onto the other side of the room. A table was tucked in the corner and Sam spotted a trio of small stacks of vinyl records wrapped up in filmy white paper sleeves right in the middle. Even from across the room, she could see the words “Spreading the Disease” scrawled on the outside of the paper in big black lettering.

“Sam, Aurora, and Marla,” Frank pointed to each of the stacks. “Those top ones are for each of you respectively.”

Aurora and Marla lunged to the table first, while Sam lingered back a bit to let them have at it. Dan turned to her with his hands still tucked in his jeans pockets.

“These are the very first pressings,” he explained with a little twinkle in his eye. “The very first.”

“So I'll protect it with my life,” she vowed to him. Aurora held her copy close to her chest as if it was about to get away from her, and that was Sam's cue at that moment. She then picked the one on top of the stack on the far left. The paper was smooth like tissue: she could feel the hard vinyl on the inside there. She held it before her as if she was about to behold it to the masses.

Dan turned his head to her and showed her a little smile.

“I just realized that we haven't really gotten to know each other that much,” she confessed to him.

“Me, too,” he replied. “I got a girlfriend, though.”

“We can still hang out from time to time,” she pointed out as she thought about Cliff and the yellow tulips he had given her.

“True!” Dan gave his feathery hair a slight toss back. “Maybe we can hang out over Thanksgiving or something, or whenever you have time off from school.”

“Can get like a bite of lunch or something with these two girls.” Sam then glimpsed down at the record in her hands. “I don't have a record player, either.”

“I do! Maybe when we hang out, I'll take you home and you can play it out there.”

“Sounds like a plan!” she declared as she held the record close to her chest.

She turned around and she noticed Charlie had taken a seat in the far corner of the room with the journal sprawled open across his lap. He lingered over the journal pages and he kept his fingers upon the pen strokes there on the paper.

“I think you opened Pandora's box,” Dan told her. “I don't think I've ever seen Charlie that enthralled by anything before.”

“It's going to be hell to pry it out of his hands,” Sam answered.

“Nah,” Dan assured her with a shake of his head, “it looks like he's near the end of it.”

Aurora burst out laughing at something that Marla had said, and Sam and Dan strode on over to Charlie, who lifted his attention from the pages.

“I'm in love,” he said to her. “I'm madly in love with this.”

Sam shrugged her shoulders and her mind fell blank at the sound of that. She moved the vinyl closer to her upper left arm.

“You don't mind if I show this to Scott and Joey?” he asked her.

“You might as well,” she answered with another shrug of her shoulders. “They're for you guys and in the honor of the new album.”

Without another word, Charlie stood to his feet and he made his way into the next room for Scott and Joey themselves. Sam then turned her attention to Dan.

“So we can't play the record here but we can hang out for a moment, though,” she told him. “What's the band you used to play in again?”

“Overkill.”

“Overkill, that was it!”

“We did covers at gigs, mostly Motorhead and Judas Priest covers at first, all over New Jersey—the band name came from Motorhead's song 'Overkill' in fact. But then the opportunity with them came up about as quick as the opportunity with Overkill came up, too. I wound up with them and ever since then, I've been teaching myself to make things like amps and pedals.”

“And how is that going?” Sam thought about Belinda and her love of the more kinesthetic art.

“It's going quite well,” he replied. “I just like working with my hands is all.”

“Don't we all?” “That's all art is, isn't it? Working with your hands and being creative?”

“Absolutely.”

Scott and Joey's chatter floated into the room right then. The idea of standing there with these five men with their eyes fixated on those thirty one drawings made her squirm in her shoes. Even though her parents were supportive of her artistry, she hadn't really given them much insight into her art up to that point. It was all in a world of its own and she never really understood as to why that was the case. Charlie soon returned to them with her journal cradled in both of his hands.

“I'm utterly speechless,” he admitted to her, “Scott is, too.”

“What did Joey think?” Sam asked him as she squirmed a little bit in her shoes.

“He was going crazy about it. Like, 'holy shit, this is the best art I've ever seen!' The three of us came to the conclusion that we want you to make prints of them.” “I wouldn't know the first thing about that, though,” she confessed as he handed the journal back to her.

“It's complicated but easy at the same time. I'll show you, though.”

“Will you?”

“Promise.” Charlie stuck out his pinky finger for her, and she hooked her own around it. “And I see you and Danny have been hanging out for a little bit, too.”

“I don't have a record player so he promised to bring me back to his place to play it,” she explained as she set the record on top of her journal and then tucked them under her arm.

“We're shootin' for Thanksgiving,” he answered, and he flashed Sam a wink.

Within time, the three girls thanked them and Charlie offered to take them home given the sky was heavy with snow. But Marla assured him that they could drive on back to the Bronx in one piece. Sam shivered and pulled the hood over her head with one hand. She thought about Charlie's promise and she squirmed even more in her seat. She hadn't gotten this amount of attention to her art before, and she hadn't been nudged like this before, either.

She gazed out the window at the ominous gray sky overhead and then to the lush forest on either side of the highway. Then she remembered Joey hadn't talked to her about posing for her, and she hoped she could do it by the time the green signs for the Bronx appeared on the right side of the road.

Marla switched on the heater once the first drops of cold rain fell onto the roof.

“By the way, Charlie told me to store the vinyls like books on shelves,” she told Sam and Aurora.

“That's what I've heard, too,” said the latter from the back seat.

“I'll nestle this in between my textbooks if I have to,” Sam chimed in.

“Might as well!” Marla exclaimed as the lanes widened into four. “If any of us get any more pieces of vinyl, we should set aside shelves for them.”

“Like, the top shelf could be the considered the vinyl shelf or something,” Aurora followed along. Sam gazed out the window again and she had a feeling that it was in fact the mere beginning of a big vinyl collection, not just for her but for the three of them.

Soon, they rolled into the Bronx and Aurora told Marla over and over again she was willing on the subway for the ride home.

“I wanna take you home, though,” Marla insisted as Sam stepped out of earshot with her journal and the copy of Spreading the Disease both tucked under her arm. She strode into the front of her apartment building when she spotted Cliff seated at the base of the stairs. She closed the front door and the blast of warm furnace air washed over her.

“Hey,” she said as she showed him a smile.

“Hi,” he replied to her as he set his hands on either side of him: she caught a flash of silver on his right hand all the while. He stood to his feet and his smooth long hair sprawled over his shoulders. He brought his hands to his coat collar. He had put on a silver ring in the shape of a skull on his right ring finger.

“Where'd you get that?” she asked him.

“What this?” He held out his hand for her to better see it.

“This was actually something I found,” he replied. “I figured that—you know, since—” He turned his head towards Emile's apartment. “—since you and I are in a relationship now,” he lowered his voice to a near whisper.

“Right, right. Guess I should find something for myself now.”

“If you want,” he said with a shrug, “this was just something I found and did on the spur of the moment.”

“Would you like to come upstairs and have some hot cocoa?” she offered him.

“Yes, please.”

Cliff followed her back to her place, and she set the vinyl and the journal on the coffee table once she stepped inside first.

“Is that their new record?” he asked her as he shut the door behind him.

“Yes, sir-ee,” she said, and she started to wonder if she even had some hot chocolate in her cupboard. He stripped off his coat and hung it up on the hook next to the door. She spotted a skull shaped tattoo on his upper arm.

“That's new,” she remarked; he held out his arm.

“That's 'cause it is!”

Cliff took his seat on the couch under the view into the kitchen. Every so often, as she put on the little red kettle and poured in some of the cocoa into two clean mugs, she caught a glimpse of either the crown of his head or his eyebrows and those eyes.

“You look like you wanna tell me something,” she declared as she doubled back into the living room so as to let the water boil.

“So it turns out, I won't be posing for your drawing class until your finals week,” he told her.

“Oh?” She raised her eyebrows at that.

“Yeah. You know, just the whole thing with the schedule conflicts, between us and a couple of other models who've gotten slots before me.”

“Oh, yeah, Bel was talking about that the other day. There's a whole bunch of things going on with the art classes, especially the lower level ones like the ones we're in right now.”

“I should also tell you that we've finished recording our new record.” He gestured down to the vinyl on the coffee table.

“When should we expect the new Metall-icka record?” she asked him.

“Some time in March,” he answered with a chuckle at that. “It has to undergo mastering and mixing now, and then it's submitted in time for a deadline so it can be released in March.”

“Exactly like them,” she followed along.

“Do you know if they're going on tour at all?” he asked her.

“I don't. Aurora probably does, but not me, though. I’ll have to ask her when I see her again. What about you guys?”

“March. This spring is gonna be pretty eventual for us.”

The first whistles from the kettle caught Sam's attention and she ducked back into the kitchen. She poured the hot water over the cups of cocoa, and she returned to him with the mugs in hand.

“I'm sorry I don't have those tiny marshmallows,” she admitted.

“It's okay—besides, I like a little spice in my hot chocolate,” he told her.

“Spice? Like—spicy?”

“Yeah. A couple of spices, like nutmeg and cinnamon, and with some whipped cream on top.”

“Oh! So like Mexican hot chocolate.”

“Exactly! But I won't turn down free cocoa, though.”

He blew on the surface of the hot chocolate first and then he took a sip. He nodded his head at that, and then she took a sip herself.

“You ought to come along with us,” he suggested.

“What, on tour?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, it is in March so I'd have to take time off from school, though,” she pointed out.

“And?”

“And? That’s a lot to ask for, though. I worked too hard to claim my place over here to the East Coast, though, Cliff. I can't give that up and I don’t really want to, either. I’d have to tell my parents about it, too...”

“It wouldn't be giving it up, though,” he assured her. “It's just getting to a couple of shows if and when you can. We're gonna be all over New York and Pennsylvania in April, literally right after the tour starts. Like we go to the Midwest on the twenty seventh of March, when the tour starts and we start coming to the Northeast not even two weeks after that. We hang out around here for almost three weeks and then we start going south and out west.”

“Going all over the place,” said Sam as she brought the mug of hot cocoa to her lips but she didn't take a sip. “All the world's a stage.”

“Literally! Although—” He hesitated and he lowered his gaze to the floor.

“What?”

“You heard this from me,” he said in a low voice even though they were alone in her apartment. “There are two things that I have been wanting to say to someone, and since you and I are together, I can finally say this.”

“What is it?”

“Well, the first thing is—Lars and I haven't been getting together as much. I dunno what it is, either. But he and I haven't been as friendly to one another lately.”

“Like you're kind of drifting apart?” she followed along.

“Yes—yeah! That's exactly what it is! He and I are drifting away from each other.”

“Why is that?” she asked him, to which he shook his head.

“I don't really know. I'm guessing it all started when we embarked on the new record and Lars was doing most of the talking to the press, and no one was really talking to me or James as much. It's gotten a little lopsided lately, with Lars being the wordsmith and the three of us being the ones who put our horns down and do it all at once. It's more so the case with me, though. No one really talks to me much now.”

“What's the other thing?”

“I think we're gonna fire Lars,” he confessed. “Well, I should say James and Kirk are plotting it. I'm not sure how I feel about it.”

“Have you tried to talk to them?” she asked him.

“Not really. I don't really know how to do it, though.”

“Have you told Dave about it?” she asked as she thought back to him and how he was fired on impulse.

“I'm thinking about it,” he said with a point of his finger. “Maybe he can help.”

“Yeah, maybe he can!” she replied, excited.

“He is a good friend, too. My good friend despite his being out on the job himself.”

He took another sip from his mug and that time he closed his eyes. She took another sip for herself.

“I dunno if Legacy are gonna be with us, though,” he confessed. “It's gonna be a tour with another band but I'm not sure yet. Jonny's supposed to tell us like—any day now, he should tell us about it. I hope it's them, but at the same time—you know, with Alex being in school and whatnot. You guys being in school matters the most.”

Sam turned her head and showed him a smile at that.

“So you want us to stay in school but you also want us to attend the shows, though,” she followed along with a knitting of her eyebrows.

“Exactly! But we also want you guys to do better than us.” He lowered his gaze to the journal on the coffee table.

“I haven't showed you these drawings, have I,” she said in a soft voice. “Thirty one ink drawings in honor of that new album as well as the month of October.”

“Ink, like black ink?”

“Yeah.”

“Perfect for Halloween.”

Sam then gasped at that.

“Happy Halloween, Cliff,” she proclaimed as she brought her mug closer to him, and he returned the favor.

“Happy Halloween, Sam I am,” he echoed and they clinked their mugs together. They took a drink in unison, and then she brought her attention to the journal. Cliff opened to a page past the bookmark and he clasped a hand to his chest.

“All the world's a stage, Sam,” he recalled, and then his face lit up. “I have an idea.”

“What's that?”

“Do you mind if—when we go on tour, and you're not able to make it, I take this journal with me to keep me company?”

She was stunned by that, such that she didn't know how to reply to it.

“It sounds weird, sure. But—the road gets kind of isolated after a while.”

“Take the journal so it seems like I'm there with you,” she followed along.

“Exactly. I'll also share it to everyone I can, too. Make sure you get seen in other pockets of the country. Do what our friends did for us with our demo tape to get us signed.”

Sam showed him a little warm smile and then she leaned in closer to his face. She brushed her lips against his and he sighed through his nose at the feeling. He tasted like chocolate. Perfect.

“By the way, I quit smoking,” he told her in a low voice, to which she gasped and gave him a second, more eager kiss on the lips.

“What say the two of us have some pumpkin pie in a bit?” she offered him.

“Sounds good by me!” And they gave each other another toast of the mugs.

[mahalkitajohnnysuh]

Sugar and Fluff (Volume 4)

Sit right up on your chairs, for this is a special one. Since I mentioned last week that we’re going back to the start of the timeline, here’s one for y’all. 

Finally, I get to use one of my favorite Johnny GIFs of all time since it’s related to the story. 

I mean, I literally gasped when I watched this for the first time. How dare he do this to us! My poor heart was about to pass out then. 

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

–––

Summary: This installment is a follow-up to How They Met, and how Johnny was to Essie before they became friends. I wrote these stories based on the teaser videos the group had for ‘Elevator (127F)’ and ‘Pandora’s Box’ hence using that dreamy GIF. 

POV: 3rd person 

Word count: 1,700 + words 

Warning: Italics are for thoughts.  

–––

Essie will never forget the time that Johnny pretended to be the pizza delivery boy so he could flirt with her.

It was weeks after they first met when they talked outside her apartment. She was carrying Chinese food takeout as they conversed, delaying her lunch with her best friend Nini.

For this instance, he did the same but in a way that she expected from him. She heard that he was quite a player, and she should try not to fall in love with him. But unfortunately, she did.

It was a cold day – as always in Korea – and despite Nini’s craving for noodles, Essie didn’t cave in to her request. She wanted a giant pizza that had warm and gooey cheese, pepperoni, and bell peppers, so she called Pizza Express to have her custom order.

“I have no complaints with what we’re having for lunch since you’re paying for it, right?” Nini said, flashing a Cheshire cat grin to her best friend.

“Ugh, isn’t that obvious?” Essie rolled her eyes, “I know I’ll be paying for it. So please, be a patient old lady and wait for our food, okay?”

The other girl gave her a thumbs-up before she resumed the video she was watching on YouTube.

///

A few minutes later, their doorbell rang. Essie rushed to the door and checked the peephole if it was indeed the delivery guy. She gulped when she saw someone she didn’t expect to appear at her front door again.

It’s Johnny motherclucking Suh. What the crap is he doing here?

She saw him dancing while holding the Pizza Express box with one hand. He wore a checkered shirt with a funky-patterned cardigan on top and a pair of khaki chinos. The booger also wore eyeglasses and had his light-colored hair curly! He emulated nerd chic, which he is a far cry from in real life.

“Essie, is that the pizza? Why aren’t you opening the door?” Nini asked, who looked at her friend curiously.

The curly-haired girl peered into the peephole again and saw that Johnny was still dancing with the pizza box on one hand. He was doing robotic moves with his other hand and made silly faces as well.

“Yeah, it is the pizza guy…” Essie started, tempted to look into the peephole for the third time, “but at the same time, it isn’t.”

“Huh, what do you mean by that?”

“It looks like Johnny Suh has our pizza, and he’s dancing like an idiot outside our apartment.”

Nini burst into laughter with her statement. “Wow, he must be so into you then. He had to sabotage the real pizza delivery guy so he could flirt his way into your heart,” she said.

“Niniiiii!” her best friend whined, who also stomped the floor at how flustered she was. “Just open the freaking door, and I’m hungry,” the older girl grumbled before going back to her phone.

After three deep breaths, Essie finally opened the door to let Johnny Suh deliver their order. “One custom giant pizza with three different cheese, pepperoni, and bell peppers,” he said in his best professional voice before handing the box to her.

“Yeah, that is correct,” she mumbled, absentmindedly grabbing the pizza with one hand while the other searched into her pockets. “How much was it again?”

“Oh, no need to pay for that, princess, I already took care of it.” Johnny winked at her and gave her a thumbs-up.

“Oh God, Johnny…” Essie wasn’t able to contain her annoyance with his antics and rolled her eyes. “What brings you here then, aside from sabotaging the real pizza delivery guy?”

“I want to see how you’re doing,” he replied suavely, running a hand through his curly mane. “I was just in the area, wanting to hang out with my hyungs, but it turns out they weren’t in their apartment. Then I saw the pizza guy and knew that he was coming here, so I wanted to surprise you.”

“Okay then, thank you,” she said monotonously before heading inside again. “You may leave now if you want.”

“I’ll take no for an answer there, ma’am,” he said, now catching up with her in the apartment. “We might as well hang out.”

“Then I return the same answer to you, sir. No, I don’t want to hang out with you. Today’s my day off, and I want to catch up on sleep,” Essie placed the pizza on the kitchen counter then went to the fridge to retrieve some hot sauce.

“Then I’ll watch you sleep,” Johnny was persistent to make the girl hang out with him. “Or yet, sleep beside you.”

“Johnnyyyyy!” She couldn’t take it anymore and threw a glare at him. “Why are you so stubborn?”

“Because I want what I want to have right now, and that is to hang out with you!”

“Don’t you have any other friends than our neighbors? You can bother them instead!”

“But I don’t want to! I’m already here too, and I know you, so why the heck not?”

“Hold up, hold up! What is happening here?” Nini asked as she entered the kitchen. “It’s past noon, and your voices are too loud! What are you two arguing about?”

Essie rolled her eyes (for the nth time that day) and folded her arms over her chest. “He’s a stubborn piece of ass,” she grumbled. “And she’s an annoying baby princess,” he rebutted.

The older girl looked at them silently before bursting into laughter again. “Oh, you amuse me, Essie. Just give in to his request for now. He made the effort to deliver our pizza. And I bet you didn’t have to pay for it because he already did.”

“Fine, you all win!” The curly-haired girl glared at her best friend and the flirty guy. “But you better behave yourself, mister, because I am not having it.” She took out all the packets of hot sauce from the fridge and grabbed the pizza box again so she could take it to the living room.

“I promise I’ll be a good boy,” he purred in her ear when she has settled the food on the coffee table.

“Ugh, John! Please, stop doing this to me,” Essie groaned, gently pushing him away from her. “I’m thankful for treating us to pizza, but you don’t have to be so damn freaking flirty! We can be friends but not if you’re acting this way.”

Her words hit something in Johnny, who now flashed her a genuine smile. “You do? We can be friends?”

The girl nodded. “Yeah, sure. But just don’t do this again. I feel uncomfortable when someone’s too flirty.”

“But that’s part of my personality, babe. You’ll get used to it. But I’m glad we can be friends,” he said as he sat down beside her on the couch, opening the pizza box he held for approximately five minutes outside.

As the two started eating, Nini was watching them from the kitchen doorway. She never saw someone who acted like Johnny toward her best friend. He was quite direct with his actions, which most guys she saw Essie interact with don’t have the guts to do.

She smiled as Johnny dabbed the sides of Essie’s lips with a napkin. She saw how her best friend was embarrassed at the situation – her ears were glowing red. Nini held back her laughter this time and returned to the living room to get her share of pizza.

\\\

“I remember you were such a flirt when we first met, John,” Essie said one time when they were having breakfast.

Her boyfriend, who was in a white shirt that clung to his body nicely, almost spit out his food from the memory.

“Why do you have to remind me that, baby? I know we didn’t start on a good footing,” he said before eating a spoonful of rice and omelet.

“I know, but that was funny,” she giggled, gently pushing aside her utensils to grab the cup of coffee to her left. “Who knew I’d end up with you?”

He shrugged at her question and continued eating in silence. Essie observed him with a smile on her face as he ate. His hair, which was now light brown with some highlights, was tousled, and some strands almost covered his beautiful honey eyes. He had a ketchup stain near the collar of his shirt. The veins on his arms were more protruding.

“What are you looking at, babe?” He asked, slowly looking up at her.

“You,” she said softly before bringing the cup of coffee to her lips. “I am so lucky to have you, and sometimes I can’t still believe that we’re together, you know?”

“I could say the same too,” he responded with a grin on his face. “You know how the song goes: Everything I do, I do it for you,” he sang aloud the lyrics to the famous Bryan Adams song, making his girlfriend put down her cup of coffee and laugh.

“Damn, you’re cheesy!” She guffawed, slapping the table for effect. She thought of the moments that happened earlier – he was the one who woke her up by opening their sky blue curtains to let some sunlight shine through. “Good morning, baby, wake up,” he whispered before drawing them close when he saw her sit up from the bed.

Even if it took her ages to get up – it was the weekend away – Johnny returned to their shared bedroom and plopped beside her. He laid on the bed with his body face down, showing off his wide but sculpted back. He rested his face on one of their pillows and looked at her lovingly.

“Love, please,” she said breathlessly, captivated with his beauty. “Come on now, let’s have breakfast,” he cooed, pulling her wrist repeatedly from his comfortable position.

“What did you prepare for us?” Essie replied, now standing at the foot of the bed. “The usual, because that’s the best I can cook,” he chuckled before he stood up and carried her bridal-style to their dining room.

“Thank you,” she said once he helped her to her seat. She pecked him on the cheek, which he returned on the lips. “Anything for my darling Essie.”

–––

FIN

P.S. If you’ve noticed, I tend to end my stories with that line. It may or may not be intentional. 

[notstolen]

aesthetics for the entities. bold what applies to your muse, italics what applies situationally or only in certain verses. this is based on a horror podcast;  potentially triggering and / or upsetting content ahead!

i.  the buried.   weighed blankets.  drowning. the comfort of a loved one’s weight. soil and sand piling on top of you.  hugging so hard it hurts a little.  cramped hiding spots.  letting out air underwater to sink to the bottom of the pool.  walls pressing in on you.  not moving from a position even though you’re cramping a little. dragging the last second before you have to inhale.  lonely subways.  feeling like one with the earth. a layer of dirt on you.  looking for something below.  cardboard boxes and tiny pillow forts.  hands calloused from digging.  knowing that your purpose is just below the surface.  entering your final resting place before it kills you.  a storm drowning you out.  dust and sand speaking to you.

ii.  the corruption.  insects.  a close imitation of the natural course of life.  an illness in a community. a rag that dirties more than it cleans.  an untreated wound.  containment. breaching containment.  unbreathable air.  fungi.  one with that you love.  one with what loves you.  a corpse unfit for a glass case.  hearing a song in the sound of tiny wings and legs.  honeycomb patterns.  an ecosystem within a person. a curse passed on. the hubris of a scientist.  an ugly death where a glorious one is owed.  blood on a handkerchief.  parasites. something pushing up the sewer.  a mask to keep something out.  trypophobia.  knowing you belong.  death weeks after impact.  fever.  food that’s gone off.  pandora’s box.  death behind a glass.

iii.  the dark. shadows.  lights that turn off by themselves.  the feel of cold marble.  a beaked creature in the night. the difference between seeing darkness and seeing nothing.  touch of something you can’t see.  hiding under a blanket.  white, clouded eyes.  months without going outside during sunlight.  pouring dark.  unscrewing lightbulbs.  black matter.  light sensitivity.  a starless night. time before light was created.  a shadow on the wall without a body to attach to.  withering plants.  a world without a sun.  footfalls in an empty house in the night.  a light that doesn’t reach as far as it should.  desperate reach for a flashlight.  clothes that hide your shape.  staying unperceivable.  winter months in the north. an empty church.

v.  the flesh. body horror. factories. a hunger for something more filling.  never quite happy with how you look.  the terror of an animal waiting for slaughter.  a very good meal.  the liquid of a perfect steak.  fighting your worst survival instincts.  a twisted bone. long nights working out.  more than one heart.  appearance that shapes like clay.  a bag of bones.  bone broth in a pot.  knowing to fear pigs.  the butcher’s shop.  plastic surgery. something alien inside your body. a hunger in the gaze laid upon you.  unwitting cannibalism. forgetting what you used to look like.  being admired for your appearance and appearance only.  teeth marks on skin.  scars from wounds that should’ve killed you. cooking in scarcity.  fenced in with one way to go.

iv.  the desolation.  senseless pain.  warmth of faith.  wax where skin should be.  a blazing fire. heat without a source.  the third or fourth tragedy in the family. losing everything you’ve ever held dear. so much to live for, gone so soon.  the smell of gasoline. touch that scars. coffee cup that never goes cold.  scorch marks on wood.  inescapably warm air. a child born in fire. death of a loved one.  a candle without a flame.  an altar in the middle of the woods. animals with burnt fur.  plastic explosives.  burning hot metal. sweating in an interrogation room.  never touching a loved one. disfigurement.  a kiss that ruins you.  the scent of burning fat.  a tattoo that terrifies its viewer.  the agony of hellfire displayed as art.  auburn hair. little clothing in cold weather.  a ripple in the air.  trying to cool down in vain.

vi.  the end. the last page of a book. nightmares that don’t feel like nightmares.  a skeletal hand.  the grip of the grim reaper around your throat.  existential pain. ivory dice.  flatlining in a hospital.  gambling with death. as old as the universe.  soul and spirit tied to an object. a dream where you die.  closing your eyes for the last time.  the plead of a dying one.  knowing the fate of someone you know and being unable to prevent it.  a thousand cords tugging you towards your end.  skin that’s freezing to the touch.  an act of desperation.  someone’s life for yours.  an eternity spent alive.  the cost of your selfishness.  watching your own burial. causing your own burial. the smell of death.  numbness to fear.  words from someone gone.  meaninglessness of the actions or lives of single people in the universe.  multiple near-death experiences you refuse to die from.

viii.  the hunt.   sharp canines. sore calves after a run.  the scent of blood.  an adventure for the journey’s sake.  the adrenaline right before the kill.   a whistle’s echo.  the woods.  the doe eyes of a prey animal.  your own breath in the air.  sharpened claws.  being tracked.  fear of someone knowing your every movement.  hunting down monsters. hide and seek. running away only to end up where you started.  staying alive purely because the enemy enjoys seeing you run.  a set of footsteps behind you. blood dripping from bare hands.  barks and growls. focused eyes.  a victim going limp under your hands.  a mouth full of fresh blood.  catching the scent of something monstrous.  perfecting your craft.  peering into the dark and running after it.

vii.  the eye. googling something you shouldn’t have.  eureka moments. the unforgiving lens of a camera.  witness reports.  hidden libraries.  eyes of different colours.  feeling of being watched. a death recorded in tape.  a tragedy you can’t look away from.  endangering yourself for knowledge. truth. analog records.  a symbol of an eye.  a watch tower.  compulsion to document.  turning on recording devices without thinking about it.  saving the evidence before the person.  extracting information.  truth or dare, without the dare.  a thirst for knowledge.  books that speak to you.  coordinated shelves.  cataloguing systems.  voyerism. police report you can’t put down.  reasoning your way out.  smell of old papers. books that read you back.

ix.  the lonely.   an apartment too small for a double bed. completely vacant streets.  waking up to see everyone gone. fog.  point nemo.  a house too big to hear your family members in.  alone in a faceless crowd. a mask with nothing behind it.  separated cubicles. a deafening silence where joy should be.  a blinding spotlight.  the least missed in your friend group.  streets without lights in the windows. isolation.  not truly knowing your friends.  your friends not truly knowing you.  need for silence.  fear of crowds.  staring into space knowing nothing is looking back at you.  a ship alone at sea. depression.  knowing your friends are better off without you. talking to someone only to realise they’re gone.  a family too large to notice you there. safety in being alone.

x.  the slaughter. a game of tag.   senseless violence.  a true crime hobby. improvised weapons.  blinding rage. intent to kill. a horrific day in a quiet community. a medal of bravery. holding on to what validates your anger.  history books that spare no details.  an injury you want revenge for.  war.  counting kills.  songs of soldiers. a knifeblock on the counter. a pool of blood. shellshock.  unspeakable horrors.  anger pushing you forward. unimaginable pain. not seeing who will hurt you but knowing the pain is coming.  a fully human monster. an authority sending its lessers to their deaths. kill or be killed. unedited wartime memoirs.  a weapons collection.  not knowing the names of who you kill.  too many to remember.  loss of hope.  there’s no heroes in war.

xi.  the spiral. sleep deprivation. corridors you can get lost in. maze puzzles that loop back on themselves.  losing possessions. losing people.  losing your sanity. corkscew curls.  rows of funhouse mirrors.  optical illusions.  a separate reality. walking through the wrong door.  delusions.  not knowing what your hands are doing.  blank spaces in documents.  hallucinations.  wrong proportions. a nameless thing. a place that has never existed. doubting your own mind.  blind faith.  losing track of names, labels, categories.  distorted sound.  an imperfection in a glass that twists the view. loss of time.  a garish colour.  doors that open to nowhere.  lies.  an unnatural laugh.  jokes and tricks.  illusions.  a doorway.  a sculptor with a wild imagination.  limbs in impossible angles.  doing what’s fun, not what’s sensible.  fractals you can get lost in.

xii.  the stranger. wax figures.  a close approximation of a human face.  a borrowed appearance.  a strange smell.  glass eyes.  furs and pelts.  a dance.  a song of a choir.  the uncanny valley.  stitching yourself together. the colours of a circus.  a puppet with no strings. mannequins.  glitter and sequin.  a stranger you’ve always known.  someone strange in the place of someone you knew.  stolen identities.  stolen skins. a machine imitating humanity. the anonymity of a service worker.  hiding in plain sight. uncomfortable to look at.  a faked accent.  concealing.  forgetting who you are.  forgetting who others are.  a replacement no one notices. images that look posed.  the only one seeing the false face of someone.

xiv.  the web.   undecipherable code.  a puppeteer holding the strings.  power over the weak-willed.  strings of fate. manipulation.  an arranged accident.  a hundred minions doing your bidding.  cobwebs.  spiders.  a laid trap. never voicing discomfort. outwitting a cheater.  doing things without realising it. red string across a corkboard.  finding something lost where you were sure you checked.  power over the unreliability of chance.  watching others dance for you.  an entangled death.  a thousand tiny legs and fangs.  shady forum threads.  something important gone missing. suspiciously disregarded case.  a missing witness.  connections.  the world wide web.  power of victimhood.  gullibility.  no control over your own decisions.  an invisible leash.  mass psychology.  a horror film in the making.  scapegoat.  never remembering to ask for a name.

xiii.  the vast. open spaces.  carnival rides going up and down.  fear of heights.  endless infinity around you.  your insignificance in a universe.  stomach turning at a drop.  fear of not the crash down but the moment you slip.  the sway of a cable car.  an adventure holiday.  losing track of where the surface is.  miles and miles of nothing around you. staring at the sky and feeling like you may fall into it.  loss of control. a fall that doesn’t end in death. glass floor to the view below. terminal velocity. the sound of wind in your ears.  a reach over the railing.  a jump from the top of the building. falling into nothing. feeling your feet let go of the ground. a leap of faith.  motion sickness.

+  the extinction. the end of an era. apocalypse movies.  the alarms of warning systems.  a desolate landscape.  end of the world cults.  nihilism. the last written history. a changed world.  no survivours.  old prophecies.  a thousand predicted ends.  a new chapter.  an end with no escape.  catastrophes.  a calendar counting down.  breaking point.  overindulgence.

tagged by: stole it from one of my other blogs

tagging: @xwhiterabbitx, @lonexwolfe, @desolationtrial ( for ari since i think you might’ve done this for norman already? )

[fruitz]

MY TOP 9 KPOP RELEASES OF 2020

tagged by @computerclub​ ty  ヾ(^▽^*)

9. NCT 127- NEO ZONE. kick it is suuuuch a catchy title track while still being classic 127 construction music. catchy dance too. and they really pulled through with the b-sides too, elevator, pandora’s box, sit down, boom, all so good. my favorite album overall from them since cherry bomb

8. WAYV- AWAKEN THE WORLD. tbh neo zone and atw are pretty much interchangeable, neo zone has batter b-sides but turn back time is a better title track. but awaken the world gave me blond ten so it gets a higher official ranking laugh out loud. but yes i loved turn back time, i love how wayv incorporates the electric guitar into their songs. one thing you know about wayv is that they're gon sing about sex !

7. LOONA- [#]. still so hard to believe we got TWO loona comebacks this year, and it was really hard to choose between them. but in the end, i chose hash because personally it was more impactful officially ending the loona hiatus! they got their first win in this era too. i don’t dislike why not, but for me so what is more cohesive

6. GFRIEND-  回:SONG OF THE SIRENS. my friend showed me apple and i was HOOKED. it was the song that got me into them! the song, the concept, the choreography, the music video, eunha, all so gorgeous. like loona, it was hard to pick between sots of walpurgis night, but in the end i preferred apple over mago.

5. BOA- BETTER. what can i say. boa doesn’t know what a bad song is. she is the queen of kpop! every single song on this album is so good i honestly don’t have anything else to say

4. TWICE- EYES WIDE OPEN. there were quite a few retro concepts this year, but i can’t stop me for sure stood out. twice is diversifying their sound and i’m here for it ! so proud. all the girls totally rocked it. and twice b-sides are misses more than they’re hits for me, but this album actually had some really good ones.

3. NAUGHTY- RED VELVET- IRENE & SEULGI. this was only a singe but it’s so fucking good. i love everything about it i have 0 qualms w this song. and the dance is so unique and eye-catching

2. 1 BILLION VIEWS- EXO-SC. i had to check that this actually came out in 2020 because i feel like this song has been with me for longer. the vibes of one billion views are immaculate, it’s just so chill but still makes me want to dance; and yet a little melancholy somehow. had some good b-sides too and i loved the concept

1. NEVER GONNA DANCE AGAIN: ACT 1- TAEMIN. again. what can i say. criminal took the spot for my favorite taemin title track AND taemin song in general. it was my #4 most listened to song on spotify for 2020. i’ve watched the music video easily dozens of times. not to mention the b-sides and the beautiful performances! taemin never disappoints.

teehee if you’re reading this thank you for listening to all my opinions (⓿_⓿)

[desolationtrial]

aesthetics for the entities. bold what applies to your muse, italics what applies situationally or only in certain verses. this is based on a horror podcast;  potentially triggering and / or upsetting content ahead!

i.  the buried.   weighed blankets.  drowning. the comfort of a loved one’s weight. soil and sand piling on top of you.  hugging so hard it hurts a little.  cramped hiding spots.  letting out air underwater to sink to the bottom of the pool.  walls pressing in on you.  not moving from a position even though you’re cramping a little. dragging the last second before you have to inhale.  lonely subways.  feeling like one with the earth. a layer of dirt on you.  looking for something below.  cardboard boxes and tiny pillow forts.  hands calloused from digging.  knowing that your purpose is just below the surface.  entering your final resting place before it kills you.  a storm drowning you out.  dust and sand speaking to you.

ii.  the corruption.  insects.  a close imitation of the natural course of life.  an illness in a community. a rag that dirties more than it cleans.  an untreated wound.  containment. breaching containment.  unbreathable air.  fungi.  one with that you love.  one with what loves you.  a corpse unfit for a glass case.  hearing a song in the sound of tiny wings and legs.  honeycomb patterns.  an ecosystem within a person. a curse passed on. the hubris of a scientist.  an ugly death where a glorious one is owed.  blood on a handkerchief.  parasites. something pushing up the sewer.  a mask to keep something out.  trypophobia.  knowing you belong.  death weeks after impact.  fever.  food that’s gone off.  pandora’s box.  death behind a glass.

iii.  the dark. shadows.  lights that turn off by themselves.  the feel of cold marble.  a beaked creature in the night. the difference between seeing darkness and seeing nothing.  touch of something you can’t see.  hiding under a blanket.  white, clouded eyes.  months without going outside during sunlight.  pouring dark.  unscrewing lightbulbs.  black matter.  light sensitivity.  a starless night. time before light was created.  a shadow on the wall without a body to attach to.  withering plants.  a world without a sun.  footfalls in an empty house in the night.  a light that doesn’t reach as far as it should.  desperate reach for a flashlight.  clothes that hide your shape.  staying unperceivable.  winter months in the north. an empty church.

v.  the flesh. body horror. factories. a hunger for something more filling.  never quite happy with how you look.  the terror of an animal waiting for slaughter.  a very good meal.  the liquid of a perfect steak.  fighting your worst survival instincts.  a twisted bone. long nights working out.  more than one heart.  appearance that shapes like clay.  a bag of bones.  bone broth in a pot.  knowing to fear pigs.  the butcher’s shop.  plastic surgery. something alien inside your body. a hunger in the gaze laid upon you.  unwitting cannibalism. forgetting what you used to look like.  being admired for your appearance and appearance only.  teeth marks on skin.  scars from wounds that should’ve killed you. cooking in scarcity.  fenced in with one way to go.

iv.  the desolation.  senseless pain.  warmth of faith.  wax where skin should be.  a blazing fire. heat without a source.  the third or fourth tragedy in the family. losing everything you’ve ever held dear. so much to live for, gone so soon.  the smell of gasoline. touch that scars. coffee cup that never goes cold.  scorch marks on wood.  inescapably warm air. a child born in fire. death of a loved one.  a candle without a flame.  an altar in the middle of the woods. animals with burnt fur.  plastic explosives.  burning hot metal. sweating in an interrogation room.  never touching a loved one. disfigurement.  a kiss that ruins you.  the scent of burning fat.  a tattoo that terrifies its viewer.  the agony of hellfire displayed as art.  auburn hair. little clothing in cold weather.  a ripple in the air.  trying to cool down in vain.

vi.  the end. the last page of a book. nightmares that don’t feel like nightmares.  a skeletal hand.  the grip of the grim reaper around your throat.  existential pain. ivory dice.  flatlining in a hospital.  gambling with death. as old as the universe.  soul and spirit tied to an object. a dream where you die.  closing your eyes for the last time.  the plead of a dying one.  knowing the fate of someone you know and being unable to prevent it.  a thousand cords tugging you towards your end.  skin that’s freezing to the touch.  an act of desperation.  someone’s life for yours.  an eternity spent alive.  the cost of your selfishness.  watching your own burial. causing your own burial. the smell of death.  numbness to fear.  words from someone gone.  meaninglessness of the actions or lives of single people in the universe.  multiple near-death experiences you refuse to die from.

viii.  the hunt.   sharp canines. sore calves after a run.  the scent of blood.  an adventure for the journey’s sake.  the adrenaline right before the kill.   a whistle’s echo.  the woods.  the doe eyes of a prey animal.  your own breath in the air.  sharpened claws.  being tracked.  fear of someone knowing your every movement.  hunting down monsters. hide and seek. running away only to end up where you started.  staying alive purely because the enemy enjoys seeing you run.  a set of footsteps behind you. blood dripping from bare hands.  barks and growls. focused eyes.  a victim going limp under your hands.  a mouth full of fresh blood.  catching the scent of something monstrous.  perfecting your craft.  peering into the dark and running after it.

vii.  the eye. googling something you shouldn’t have.  eureka moments. the unforgiving lens of a camera.  witness reports.  hidden libraries.  eyes of different colours.  feeling of being watched. a death recorded in tape.  a tragedy you can’t look away from.  endangering yourself for knowledge. truth. analog records.  a symbol of an eye.  a watch tower.  compulsion to document.  turning on recording devices without thinking about it.  saving the evidence before the person.  extracting information.  truth or dare, without the dare.  a thirst for knowledge.  books that speak to you.  coordinated shelves.  cataloguing systems.  voyerism. police report you can’t put down.  reasoning your way out.  smell of old papers. books that read you back.

ix.  the lonely.   an apartment too small for a double bed. completely vacant streets.  waking up to see everyone gone. fog.  point nemo.  a house too big to hear your family members in.  alone in a faceless crowd. a mask with nothing behind it.  separated cubicles. a deafening silence where joy should be.  a blinding spotlight.  the least missed in your friend group.  streets without lights in the windows. isolation.  not truly knowing your friends.  your friends not truly knowing you.  need for silence.  fear of crowds.  staring into space knowing nothing is looking back at you.  a ship alone at sea. depression.  knowing your friends are better off without you. talking to someone only to realise they’re gone.  a family too large to notice you there. safety in being alone.

x.  the slaughter. a game of tag.   senseless violence.  a true crime hobby. improvised weapons.  blinding rage. intent to kill. a horrific day in a quiet community. a medal of bravery. holding on to what validates your anger.  history books that spare no details.  an injury you want revenge for.  war.  counting kills.  songs of soldiers. a knifeblock on the counter. a pool of blood. shellshock.  unspeakable horrors.  anger pushing you forward. unimaginable pain. not seeing who will hurt you but knowing the pain is coming.  a fully human monster. an authority sending its lessers to their deaths. kill or be killed. unedited wartime memoirs.  a weapons collection.  not knowing the names of who you kill.  too many to remember.  loss of hope.  there’s no heroes in war.

xi.  the spiral. sleep deprivation. corridors you can get lost in. maze puzzles that loop back on themselves.  losing possessions. losing people.  losing your sanity. corkscew curls.  rows of funhouse mirrors.  optical illusions.  a separate reality. walking through the wrong door.  delusions.  not knowing what your hands are doing.  blank spaces in documents.  hallucinations.  wrong proportions. a nameless thing. a place that has never existed. doubting your own mind.  blind faith.  losing track of names, labels, categories.  distorted sound.  an imperfection in a glass that twists the view. loss of time.  a garish colour.  doors that open to nowhere.  lies.  an unnatural laugh.  jokes and tricks.  illusions.  a doorway.  a sculptor with a wild imagination.  limbs in impossible angles.  doing what’s fun, not what’s sensible.  fractals you can get lost in.

xii.  the stranger. wax figures.  a close approximation of a human face.  a borrowed appearance.  a strange smell.  glass eyes.  furs and pelts.  a dance.  a song of a choir.  the uncanny valley.  stitching yourself together. the colours of a circus.  a puppet with no strings. mannequins.  glitter and sequin.  a stranger you’ve always known.  someone strange in the place of someone you knew.  stolen identities.  stolen skins. a machine imitating humanity. the anonymity of a service worker.  hiding in plain sight. uncomfortable to look at.  a faked accent.  concealing.  forgetting who you are.  forgetting who others are.  a replacement no one notices. images that look posed.  the only one seeing the false face of someone.

xiv.  the web.   undecipherable code.  a puppeteer holding the strings.  power over the weak-willed.  strings of fate. manipulation.  an arranged accident.  a hundred minions doing your bidding.  cobwebs.  spiders.  a laid trap. never voicing discomfort. outwitting a cheater.  doing things without realising it. red string across a corkboard.  finding something lost where you were sure you checked.  power over the unreliability of chance.  watching others dance for you.  an entangled death.  a thousand tiny legs and fangs.  shady forum threads.  something important gone missing. suspiciously disregarded case.  a missing witness.  connections.  the world wide web.  power of victimhood.  gullibility.  no control over your own decisions.  an invisible leash.  mass psychology.  a horror film in the making.  scapegoat.  never remembering to ask for a name.

xiii.  the vast. open spaces.  carnival rides going up and down.  fear of heights.  endless infinity around you.  your insignificance in a universe.  stomach turning at a drop.  fear of not the crash down but the moment you slip.  the sway of a cable car.  an adventure holiday.  losing track of where the surface is.  miles and miles of nothing around you. staring at the sky and feeling like you may fall into it.  loss of control. a fall that doesn’t end in death. glass floor to the view below. terminal velocity. the sound of wind in your ears.  a reach over the railing.  a jump from the top of the building. falling into nothing. feeling your feet let go of the ground. a leap of faith.  motion sickness.

+  the extinction. the end of an era. apocalypse movies.  the alarms of warning systems.  a desolate landscape.  end of the world cults.  nihilism. the last written history. a changed world.  no survivours.  old prophecies.  a thousand predicted ends.  a new chapter.  an end with no escape.  catastrophes.  a calendar counting down.  breaking point.  overindulgence.

Tagged by: @notstolen Tagging: @the-mind-of-xelyn, @detective-with-one-arm, @dpds-finest, @shotdownbutstillalive, @swatteam60, @wearera9

[acemenagerie-a]

aesthetics for the entities, part i + ii.   bold what applies to your muse, italics what applies situationally or only in certain verses.  this is based on a horror podcast;  potentially triggering and / or upsetting content ahead!

Carla von Closen

i.  the buried.   weighed blankets.  drowning.  the comfort of a loved one’s weight.  soil and sand piling on top of you.  hugging so hard it hurts a little.  cramped hiding spots.  letting out air underwater to sink to the bottom of the pool.  walls pressing in on you.  not moving from a position even though you’re cramping a little.  dragging the last second before you have to inhale.  lonely subways.  feeling like one with the earth.  a layer of dirt on you.  looking for something below.  cardboard boxes and tiny pillow forts.  hands calloused from digging.  knowing that your purpose is just below the surface.  entering your final resting place before it kills you.  a storm drowning you out.  dust and sand speaking to you.

ii.  the corruption.   insects.  a close imitation of the natural course of life.  an illness in a community.  a rag that dirties more than it cleans.  an untreated wound.  containment.  breaching containment.  unbreathable air.  fungi.  one with that you love.  one with what loves you.  a corpse unfit for a glass case.  hearing a song in the sound of tiny wings and legs.  honeycomb patterns.  an ecosystem within a person.  a curse passed on.  the hubris of a scientist.  an ugly death where a glorious one is owed.  blood on a handkerchief.  parasites.  something pushing up the sewer.  a mask to keep something out.  trypophobia.  knowing you belong.  death weeks after impact.  fever.  food that’s gone off.  pandora’s box.  death behind a glass.

vi.  the end.   the last page of a book.  nightmares that don’t feel like nightmares.  a skeletal hand.  the grip of the grim reaper around your throat.  existential pain.  ivory dice.  flatlining in a hospital.  gambling with death.  as old as the universe.  soul and spirit tied to an object.  a dream where you die.  closing your eyes for the last time.  the plead of a dying one.  knowing the fate of someone you know and being unable to prevent it.  a thousand cords tugging you towards your end.  skin that’s freezing to the touch.  an act of desperation.  someone’s life for yours.  an eternity spent alive.  the cost of your selfishness.  watching your own burial.  causing your own burial.  the smell of death.  numbness to fear.  words from someone gone.  meaninglessness of the actions or lives of single people in the universe.  multiple near-death experiences you refuse to die from.

vii.  the eye.   googling something you shouldn’t have.  eureka moments.  the unforgiving lens of a camera.  witness reports.  hidden libraries.  eyes of different colours.  feeling of being watched.  a death recorded in tape.  a tragedy you can’t watch away from.  endangering yourself for knowledge.  truth.  analog records.  a symbol of an eye.  a watch tower.  compulsion to document.  turning on recording devices without thinking about it.  saving the evidence before the person.  extracting information.  truth or dare, without the dare.  a thirst for knowledge.  books that speak to you.  coordinated shelves.  cataloguing systems.  voyeurism.  police report you can’t put down.  reasoning your way out.  smell of old papers.  books that read you back.

viii.  the hunt.   sharp canines.  sore calves after a run.  the scent of blood.  an adventure for the journey’s sake.  the adrenaline right before the kill.   a whistle’s echo.  the woods.  the doe eyes of a prey animal.  your own breath in the air.  sharpened claws.  being tracked.  fear of someone knowing your every movement.  hunting down monsters.  hide and seek.  running away only to end up where you started.  staying alive purely because the enemy enjoys seeing you run.  a set of footsteps behind you.  blood dripping from bare hands.  barks and growls.  focused eyes.  a victim going limp under your hands.  a mouth full of fresh blood.  catching the scent of something monstrous.  perfecting your craft.  peering into the dark and running after it.

ix.  the lonely.   an apartment too small for a double bed.  completely vacant streets.  waking up to see everyone gone.  fog.  point nemo.  a house too big to hear your family members in.  alone in a faceless crowd.  a mask with nothing behind it.  separated cubicles.  a deafening silence where joy should be.  a blinding spotlight.  the least missed in your friend group.  streets without lights in the windows.  isolation.  not truly knowing your friends.  your friends not truly knowing you.  need for silence.  fear of crowds.  staring into space knowing nothing is looking back at you.  a ship alone at sea.  depression.  knowing your friends are better off without you.  talking to someone only to realise they’re gone.  a family too large to notice you there.  safety in being alone.

x.  the slaughter.    a game of tag.   senseless violence.  a true crime hobby.  improvised weapons.  blinding rage.  intent to kill.  a horrific day in a quiet community.  a medal of bravery.  holding on to what validates your anger.  history books that spare no details.  an injury you want revenge for.  war.  counting kills.  songs of soldiers.  a knifeblock on the counter.  a pool of blood.  shellshock.  unspeakable horrors.  anger pushing you forward.  unimaginable pain.  not seeing who will hurt you but knowing the pain is coming.  a fully human monster.  an authority sending its lessers to their deaths.  kill or be killed.  unedited wartime memoirs.  a weapons collection.  not knowing the names of who you kill.  too many to remember.  loss of hope.  there’s no heroes in war.

xi.  the spiral.   sleep deprivation.  corridors you can get lost in.  maze puzzles that loop back on themselves.  losing possessions.  losing people.  losing your sanity.  corkscrew curls.  rows of funhouse mirrors.  optical illusions.  a separate reality.  walking through the wrong door.  delusions.  not knowing what your hands are doing.  blank spaces in documents.  hallucinations.  wrong proportions.  a nameless thing.  a place that has never existed.  doubting your own mind.  blind faith.  losing track of names, labels, categories.  distorted sound.  an imperfection in a glass that twists the view.  loss of time.  a garish colour.  doors that open to nowhere.  lies.  an unnatural laugh.  jokes and tricks.  illusions.  a doorway.  a sculptor with a wild imagination.  limbs in impossible angles.  doing what’s fun, not what’s sensible.  fractals you can get lost in.

xii.  the stranger.   wax figures.  a close approximation of a human face.  a borrowed appearance.  a strange smell.  glass eyes.  furs and pelts.  a dance.  a song of a choir.  the uncanny valley.  stitching yourself together.  the colours of a circus.  a puppet with no strings.  mannequins.  glitter and sequin.  a stranger you’ve always known.  someone strange in the place of someone you knew.  stolen identities.  stolen skins.  a machine imitating humanity.  the anonymity of a service worker.  hiding in plain sight.  uncomfortable to look at.  a faked accent.  concealing.  forgetting who you are.  forgetting who others are.  a replacement no one notices.  images that look posed.  the only one seeing the false face of someone.

xiii.  the vast.   open spaces.  carnival rides going up and down.  fear of heights.  endless infinity around you.  your insignificance in an universe.  stomach turning at a drop.  fear of not the crash down but the moment you slip.  the sway of a cable car.  an adventure holiday.  losing track of where the surface is.  miles and miles of nothing around you.  staring at the sky and feeling like you may fall into it.  loss of control.  a fall that doesn’t end in death.  glass floor to the view below.  terminal velocity.  the sound of wind in your ears.  a reach over the railing.  a jump from the top of the building.  falling into nothing.  feeling your feet let go of the ground.  a leap of faith.  motion sickness.

xiv.  the web.   undecipherable code.  a puppeteer holding the strings.  power over the weak-willed.  strings of fate.  manipulation.  an arranged accident.  a hundred minions doing your bidding.  cobwebs.  spiders.  a laid trap.  never voicing discomfort.  outwitting a cheater.  doing things without realising it.  red string across a corkboard.  finding something lost where you were sure you checked.  power over the unreliability of chance.  watching others dance for you.  an entangled death.  a thousand tiny legs and fangs.  shady forum threads.  something important gone missing.  suspiciously disregarded case.  a missing witness.  connections.  the world wide web.  power of victimhood.  gullibility.  no control over your own decisions.  an invisible leash.  mass psychology.  a horror film in the making.  scapegoat.  never remembering to ask for a name.

+  the extinction.   the end of an era.  apocalypse movies.  the alarms of warning systems.  a desolate landscape.  end of the world cults.  nihilism.  the last written history.  a changed world.  no survivours.  old prophecies.  a thousand predicted ends.  a new chapter.  an end with no escape.  catastrophes.  a calendar counting down.  breaking point.  overindulgence.

[talesofafangirlwithadvr]

What to Binge Watch While in Quarantine

Do you feel yourself running out of things to watch on DVR or you don’t know which streaming platform to explore for your next watch? Or do you just find yourself with more time on your hands and don’t know what to do? If you answered yes to any of these questions I hope this thread helps you out. A lot of these picks are some of my top choices no matter what the case (which means I might have spoken about them before-possibly A LOT. Or they may be upcoming March picks, which just shows how great they really are). So without further a do here are some things you should consider bingeing as you maintain your social distancing and seek a form of escape...

Need a laugh?

Check out DERRY GIRLS

This half hour comedy (which honestly should be longer because the episodes go by too fast and there are not enough of them in the seasons) follows Erin Quinn as she navigates high school during the 1990s in Northern Ireland. She attends an all girl Catholic school along with her cousin Orla, and friends Michelle, Clare and James. (That’s right James also attends the all girls school. He’s a Brit and it would be too dangerous for him to attend the boys school during this time of civil unrest.) As the girls experience trivial problems like how to get to a concert or how to avoid people eating pot brownies at a funeral, the historic problems play out in the background. During the pandemic we’re experiencing we can take away living in the moment like these girls from Derry and not overly stressing on big world problems.   

Streaming on Netflix

Wanting more of a ROM COM kind of escapism?

Then look no further than the Netflix original Set it Up. 

Two assistants, Harper and Charlie, work in the same building and are experiencing a very “Devil wears Prada” relationship with each of their bosses. They meet one night at work after hours and believe they have the worse boss. A plan gets set in motion to set up their terrible bosses with each other. Then when they’re happy, the two assistants can have their lives back. You already see where this is probably going and who this love story is actually following: Harper and Charlie. I’ve been raving about this movie since 2018 when it first came out and it is still just as great as the first time I watched it. It honestly still gives hope for a great romantic comedy. 

Streaming on Netflix.  

Up for a good mystery? 

Give Cw’s Nancy Drew a try.

One of the Cw’s latest new shows this season, Nancy Drew, re-invents the classic stories we all know and love with a more darker and supernatural spin. If you like Riverdale and the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina then this might be right up your alley. However, as someone who doesn’t watch Riverdale and didn’t fall in love with Sabrina, I am still a big fan of this new adaptation of Nancy Drew. I feel like I’ve experienced a roller coaster of reviews with this one, from really liking it to not so much (because there was too much of the supernatural involved and I just wanted a good mystery) to now really liking it again. I think I just needed some time to understand the vibe of it all and now that I really know the characters I’m liking it a lot. I’m also excited it has been renewed for a second season. 

You can catch up with all 16 episodes now on the CW app or online cwtv.com. New episodes return in April. 

Want more of a magical kind of mystery?

Then you gotta watch Locke and Key.

Thanks to Netflix’s new trending list I decided to check out Locke and Key and I am so happy I did. It was fantastic and I can’t wait for season two. Based on the graphic novel by the same name, the series follows the Locke siblings who have just witnessed their father’s murder before traveling cross-country with their mother to his ancestral home, Key house. The house is filled with these magical keys that all have different properties from getting into your mind and looking at your deepest thoughts and desires, a key that opens any door and can take you anywhere, or one that opens a music box that lets you control people. The kids get drawn to the keys and unlock a deeper mystery of the keys and how their dad was involved in it all. Plus, there’s a sinister presence that is after the keys and will stop at nothing to get what they want. Definitely worth checking out!

Streaming on Netflix. 

Need some music in your life?

You must watch Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist

This show gets better and better each episode. After a freak accident, Zoey gets the ability to hear people’s innermost feelings through song and dance. She’s the only who can hear it, which means she needs to help the person get through the problem in their life. Each episode has a good amount of musical numbers from popular songs to classics and even musicals. Great cast. There is not one character I don’t like. If you are a fan of Glee I would highly suggest checking it out. It’s the show that often gets compared to it, but you don’t have to be a fan of Glee to enjoy it. I wasn’t a die-heart fan and I’m loving Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist. It’s a feel good watch that is just what we need at a difficult time like this. 

Watch it on NBC on demand. 

Did you love High School Musical?   

Then why haven’t you watched High School Musical the Musical the Series?

This show has been promoted since Disney Plus was released back in November. There was a lot of hype over it, which made me unsure if it would be worth it, but I gotta say that I really enjoyed it overall. A cross between Glee and the Office, HSMTMTS follows students who attend the school the Disney Original Movie Series was filmed. When the new drama teacher comes to “East High” she is shocked that the drama department has never put on the musical for themselves. There’s a love triangle(s), a large cast of talented singers, drama and mystery. Great new songs that will get stuck in your head and the promise for a second season with a brand new musical to perform. (I’m just bummed it’s Beauty and the Beast and not HSM 2). The episodes are only about 25 minutes and you’ll find yourself finished with the 10 episode season in a matter of hours.

Now streaming on Disney+.  

Feeling a telenovela musical?

Then Violetta is for you!

Drama, laughs, love, and music (with more catchy songs you won’t be able to get out of your head), this Disney original from Buenos Aires has it all. You will get sucked into the episodes just like I did and be shocked how far into the series you are in such a short amount of time. I watched all 80 episodes (that are about 40 minutes a piece) in a matter of 2 months. (And now I’m upset that Disney Plus hasn’t released season 2!!) The show follows Violetta Castillo who has just returned home after traveling the globe with her father for years. She wants to be like a regular kid and attend school rather than having a tutor, but her father forbids it. He’s over protective because her mother was a famous singer who then tragically died. He ties it back to the music and forbids Violetta from performing as well. Throughout the first season, she is exposed to a music school where she makes new friends, enemies, and becomes a part of a love triangle (naturally). In the process she rises to be one of the most talented performers, but constantly is worried her dad will find out the truth and make them move again. 

Streaming now on Disney+. 

Needing a Sci-Fi fix?

Tune into the Cw’s Pandora.

The show aired on the Cw this summer and needs more love and recognition. I was surprised over how much I enjoyed it. When each episode aired I wanted to watch it right away, which then made me upset because I had to wait a week, but you won’t have that problem! The show takes place in the future in the year 2199. Our main character Jax witnesses her family getting tragically killed and is forced back to Earth to live with her uncle who runs a training academy. Jax enrolls in the school and makes several friends a long the way (there are so many ships on this show that I often had trouble deciding who I liked with who). While at the academy she starts to piece together that her family’s death might not have been an accident and that more lies behind it as well as her own past. There were times when I was confused by how much time had passed from the last episode because characters would be very close or references would get made and I’d be like: Did I miss something? But despite all of that I really enjoyed it and am happy there will be a season 2. It feels very Cw in the best way possible, so if you already watch a lot of shows on the network then you should give this one a try. 

Watch the entire first season on the CW app or online @ cwtv.com

Wanting an ironic watch in this difficult time?

Then add Daybreak to your queue.

This Netflix original had been on my list for a while and once the Corona virus was getting more and more serious I felt I needed something to take my mind off of it and also to have a good laugh. Daybreak is doing just that. (I am currently still watching the series so I don’t have a full review just yet.) This show takes place during the aftermath of a nuclear attack. In this apocalypse adults have turned into “zombie-like figures” who are muttering the last thought they had (often a very funny one). The kids are now in charge and each clique in high school has a territory. We follow social-outcast/new kid at school. Josh who is on the search for the love of his life, Sam, that he lost during the night of the explosion. Along the way he finds allies and they form their own tribe. This show is constantly breaking the fourth wall, having characters directly talk and look at us. I thought I would hate it, but I actually really like that feature and am kind of upset now that Josh has not narrated an episode in a while. 

Now streaming on Netflix.    

Still looking for more laughs?

Add Kelsey’s 100 Baby Challenge to your Watch Later

Throughout last year, Buzzfeed multiplayer’s Kelsey Immpicciche took up the 100 baby challenge in the Sims 4. What she thought would be a fun challenge and a couple videos blew up into a full series spanning 50 episodes, multiple spin-off series and even a line of clothing (which I am happy to say I own a sweatshirt). Who would have thought watching someone play the Sims and try to have 100 babies with all different parents would be so much fun? Kelsey has made me want to play the Sims and have my very own 100 baby challenge. This challenge is hilarious and fun. I loved all of Kelsey’s commentary as she plays as well as reading the comment section where everyone tries to give her tips. It’s so exciting to see how so many people got involved in this challenge. I hope she continues for season 2 soon! 

You can watch all of season 1 on YouTube.

Need a change in location?

Venture back in time and to Prince Edward Island with Anne with an E.

L.M. Montgomery’s beloved series is adapted with a fresh new take on her classic characters and setting. Across Anne with an E’s three seasons we watch Anne Shirley come to Green Gables and form a family with Matthew and Marilla Cuthbert. We watch her shake up school and form life long friends. Something that I love about this series is that it is able to incorporate so many of the issues our society is facing today. While not always 100% accurate to the original novels, the show takes liberties with the source material and expands upon it to create something audiences can see as an echo of our conflicts. While this has been a problem for some, I think, once you realize this, you can enjoy the series even more. I know of so many people who have turned to the book after watching and falling in love with this series. Now, during this time, it is the perfect form of escapism. With each season spanning about 10 episodes you will be done and wanting more just like I am. I’m still upset the series has not been renewed. 

Streaming now on Netflix. 

Early Releases:

LITTLE WOMEN is now available on digital copy.

FROZEN 2 has been released early to Disney Plus.

Rumor is that EMMA will be released on digital copy as early as March 20th.

With so much to watch I hope that you can endure this quarantine happily. If there’s a show you’d like to add to the list make sure to attach it below in a comment or by sharing this post!

[architectrialed]

aesthetics for the entities. bold what applies to your muse, italics what applies situationally or only in certain verses. this is based on a horror podcast;  potentially triggering and / or upsetting content ahead!

i.  the buried.   weighed blankets.  drowning. the comfort of a loved one’s weight. soil and sand piling on top of you.  hugging so hard it hurts a little.  cramped hiding spots.  letting out air underwater to sink to the bottom of the pool.  walls pressing in on you.  not moving from a position even though you’re cramping a little. dragging the last second before you have to inhale.  lonely subways.  feeling like one with the earth. a layer of dirt on you.  looking for something below.  cardboard boxes and tiny pillow forts.  hands calloused from digging.  knowing that your purpose is just below the surface.  entering your final resting place before it kills you.  a storm drowning you out.  dust and sand speaking to you.

ii.  the corruption.  insects.  a close imitation of the natural course of life.  an illness in a community. a rag that dirties more than it cleans.  an untreated wound.  containment. breaching containment.  unbreathable air.  fungi.  one with that you love.  one with what loves you.  a corpse unfit for a glass case.  hearing a song in the sound of tiny wings and legs.  honeycomb patterns.  an ecosystem within a person. a curse passed on. the hubris of a scientist.  an ugly death where a glorious one is owed.  blood on a handkerchief.  parasites. something pushing up the sewer.  a mask to keep something out.  trypophobia.  knowing you belong.  death weeks after impact.  fever.  food that’s gone off.  pandora’s box.  death behind a glass.

iii.  the dark. shadows.  lights that turn off by themselves.  the feel of cold marble.  a beaked creature in the night. the difference between seeing darkness and seeing nothing.  touch of something you can’t see.  hiding under a blanket.  white, clouded eyes.  months without going outside during sunlight.  pouring dark.  unscrewing lightbulbs.  black matter.  light sensitivity.  a starless night. time before light was created.  a shadow on the wall without a body to attach to.  withering plants.  a world without a sun.  footfalls in an empty house in the night.  a light that doesn’t reach as far as it should.  desperate reach for a flashlight.  clothes that hide your shape.  staying unperceivable.  winter months in the north. an empty church.

v.  the flesh. body horror. factories. a hunger for something more filling.  never quite happy with how you look.  the terror of an animal waiting for slaughter.  a very good meal.  the liquid of a perfect steak.  fighting your worst survival instincts.  a twisted bone. long nights working out.  more than one heart.  appearance that shapes like clay.  a bag of bones.  bone broth in a pot.  knowing to fear pigs.  the butcher’s shop.  plastic surgery. something alien inside your body. a hunger in the gaze laid upon you.  unwitting cannibalism. forgetting what you used to look like.  being admired for your appearance and appearance only.  teeth marks on skin.  scars from wounds that should’ve killed you. cooking in scarcity.  fenced in with one way to go.

iv.  the desolation.  senseless pain.  warmth of faith.  wax where skin should be.  a blazing fire. heat without a source.  the third or fourth tragedy in the family. losing everything you’ve ever held dear. so much to live for, gone so soon.  the smell of gasoline. touch that scars. coffee cup that never goes cold.  scorch marks on wood.  inescapably warm air. a child born in fire. death of a loved one.  a candle without a flame.  an altar in the middle of the woods. animals with burnt fur.  plastic explosives.  burning hot metal. sweating in an interrogation room.  never touching a loved one. disfigurement.  a kiss that ruins you.  the scent of burning fat.  a tattoo that terrifies its viewer.  the agony of hellfire displayed as art.  auburn hair. little clothing in cold weather.  a ripple in the air.  trying to cool down in vain.

vi.  the end. the last page of a book.  nightmares that don’t feel like nightmares.  a skeletal hand.  the grip of the grim reaper around your throat.  existential pain. ivory dice.  flatlining in a hospital.  gambling with death. as old as the universe.  soul and spirit tied to an object. a dream where you die.  closing your eyes for the last time.  the plead of a dying one.  knowing the fate of someone you know and being unable to prevent it.  a thousand cords tugging you towards your end.  skin that’s freezing to the touch.  an act of desperation.  someone’s life for yours.  an eternity spent alive.  the cost of your selfishness.  watching your own burial. causing your own burial. the smell of death.  numbness to fear.  words from someone gone.  meaninglessness of the actions or lives of single people in the universe.  multiple near-death experiences you refuse to die from.

viii.  the hunt.   sharp canines. sore calves after a run.  the scent of blood.  an adventure for the journey’s sake.  the adrenaline right before the kill.   a whistle’s echo.  the woods.  the doe eyes of a prey animal.  your own breath in the air.  sharpened claws.  being tracked.  fear of someone knowing your every movement.  hunting down monsters. hide and seek. running away only to end up where you started.  staying alive purely because the enemy enjoys seeing you run.  a set of footsteps behind you. blood dripping from bare hands.  barks and growls. focused eyes.  a victim going limp under your hands.  a mouth full of fresh blood.  catching the scent of something monstrous.  perfecting your craft.  peering into the dark and running after it.

vii.  the eye. googling something you shouldn’t have.  eureka moments. the unforgiving lens of a camera.  witness reports.  hidden libraries.  eyes of different colours.  feeling of being watched. a death recorded in tape.  a tragedy you can’t look away from.  endangering yourself for knowledge. truth. analog records.  a symbol of an eye.  a watch tower.  compulsion to document.  turning on recording devices without thinking about it.  saving the evidence before the person.  extracting information.  truth or dare, without the dare.  a thirst for knowledge.  books that speak to you.  coordinated shelves.  cataloguing systems.  voyerism. police report you can’t put down.  reasoning your way out.  smell of old papers. books that read you back.

ix.  the lonely.   an apartment too small for a double bed. completely vacant streets.  waking up to see everyone gone. fog.  point nemo.  a house too big to hear your family members in.  alone in a faceless crowd. a mask with nothing behind it.  separated cubicles. a deafening silence where joy should be.  a blinding spotlight.  the least missed in your friend group.  streets without lights in the windows. isolation.  not truly knowing your friends.  your friends not truly knowing you.  need for silence.  fear of crowds.  staring into space knowing nothing is looking back at you.  a ship alone at sea. depression.  knowing your friends are better off without you. talking to someone only to realize they’re gone.  a family too large to notice you there. safety in being alone.

x.  the slaughter. a game of tag.   senseless violence.  a true crime hobby. improvised weapons.  blinding rage. intent to kill. a horrific day in a quiet community. a medal of bravery. holding on to what validates your anger.  history books that spare no details.  an injury you want revenge for.  war.  counting kills.  songs of soldiers. a knifeblock on the counter. a pool of blood. shellshock.  unspeakable horrors.  anger pushing you forward. unimaginable pain. not seeing who will hurt you but knowing the pain is coming.  a fully human monster. an authority sending its lessers to their deaths. kill or be killed. unedited wartime memoirs.  a weapons collection.  not knowing the names of who you kill.  too many to remember.  loss of hope.  there’s no heroes in war.

xi.  the spiral. sleep deprivation. corridors you can get lost in. maze puzzles that loop back on themselves.  losing possessions. losing people.  losing your sanity. corkscew curls.  rows of funhouse mirrors.  optical illusions.  a separate reality. walking through the wrong door.  delusions.  not knowing what your hands are doing.  blank spaces in documents.  hallucinations.  wrong proportions. a nameless thing. a place that has never existed. doubting your own mind.  blind faith.  losing track of names, labels, categories.  distorted sound.  an imperfection in a glass that twists the view. loss of time.  a garish colour.  doors that open to nowhere.  lies.  an unnatural laugh.  jokes and tricks.  illusions.  a doorway.  a sculptor with a wild imagination.  limbs in impossible angles.  doing what’s fun, not what’s sensible.  fractals you can get lost in.

xii.  the stranger. wax figures.  a close approximation of a human face.  a borrowed appearance.  a strange smell.  glass eyes.  furs and pelts.  a dance.  a song of a choir.  the uncanny valley.  stitching yourself together. the colours of a circus.  a puppet with no strings. mannequins.  glitter and sequin.  a stranger you’ve always known.  someone strange in the place of someone you knew.  stolen identities.  stolen skins. a machine imitating humanity. the anonymity of a service worker.  hiding in plain sight. uncomfortable to look at.  a faked accent.  concealing.  forgetting who you are.  forgetting who others are.  a replacement no one notices. images that look posed.  the only one seeing the false face of someone.

xiv.  the web.   undecipherable code.  a puppeteer holding the strings.  power over the weak-willed.  strings of fate. manipulation.  an arranged accident.  a hundred minions doing your bidding.  cobwebs.  spiders.  a laid trap. never voicing discomfort. outwitting a cheater.  doing things without realising it. red string across a corkboard.  finding something lost where you were sure you checked.  power over the unreliability of chance.  watching others dance for you.  an entangled death.  a thousand tiny legs and fangs.  shady forum threads.  something important gone missing. suspiciously disregarded case.  a missing witness.  connections.  the world wide web.  power of victimhood.  gullibility.  no control over your own decisions.  an invisible leash.  mass psychology.  a horror film in the making.  scapegoat.  never remembering to ask for a name.

xiii.  the vast. open spaces.  carnival rides going up and down.  fear of heights.  endless infinity around you.  your insignificance in an universe.  stomach turning at a drop.  fear of not the crash down but the moment you slip.  the sway of a cable car.  an adventure holiday.  losing track of where the surface is.  miles and miles of nothing around you. staring at the sky and feeling like you may fall into it.  loss of control. a fall that doesn’t end in death. glass floor to the view below. terminal velocity. the sound of wind in your ears.  a reach over the railing.  a jump from the top of the building. falling into nothing. feeling your feet let go of the ground. a leap of faith.  motion sickness.

+  the extinction. the end of an era. apocalypse movies.  the alarms of warning systems.  a desolate landscape.  end of the world cults.  nihilism. the last written history. a changed world.  no survivours.  old prophecies.  a thousand predicted ends.  a new chapter.  an end with no escape.  catastrophes.  a calendar counting down.  breaking point.  overindulgence.

tagged by: stole it

tagging: @weregonnagetyou, @inactivestatus-rq800 (for Carter maybe?), whoever else wants to do it

[rxdhairxdsirxns]

aesthetics for the entities

bold what applies to your muse, italics what applies situationally or only in certain verses. this is based on a horror podcast;  potentially triggering and / or upsetting content ahead!

TAGGED BY: @cloakedinfall TAGGING: @kaiju-crimson-storyandask, @themanofgloom and whoever else wants it!

i.  the buried.   weighted blankets.  drowning.  the comfort of a loved one’s weight.  soil and sand piling on top of you.  hugging so hard it hurts a little.  cramped hiding spots.  letting out air underwater to sink to the bottom of the pool.  walls pressing in on you.  not moving from a position even though you’re cramping a little.  dragging the last second before you have to inhale.  lonely subways.  feeling like one with the earth.  a layer of dirt on you.  looking for something below.  cardboard boxes and tiny pillow forts.  hands calloused from digging.  knowing that your purpose is just below the surface.  entering your final resting place before it kills you.  a storm drowning you out.  dust and sand speaking to you.

ii.  the corruption.   insects.  a close imitation of the natural course of life.  an illness in a community.  a rag that dirties more than it cleans.  an untreated wound.  containment.  breaching containment.  unbreathable air.  fungi.  one with that you love.  one with what loves you.  a corpse unfit for a glass case.  hearing a song in the sound of tiny wings and legs.  honeycomb patterns.  an ecosystem within a person.  a curse passed on.  the hubris of a scientist.  an ugly death where a glorious one is owed.  blood on a handkerchief.  parasites.  something pushing up the sewer.  a mask to keep something out.  trypophobia.  knowing you belong.  death weeks after impact.  fever.  food that’s gone off.  pandora’s box.  death behind a glass.

iii.  the dark.   shadows.  lights that turn off by themselves.  the feel of cold marble.  a beaked creature in the night.  the difference between seeing darkness and seeing nothing.  touch of something you can’t see.  hiding under a blanket.  white, clouded eyes.  months without going outside during sunlight.  pouring dark.  unscrewing light bulbs.  black matter.  light sensitivity.  a starless night.  time before light was created.  a shadow on the wall without a body to attach to.  withering plants.  a world without a sun.  footfalls in an empty house in the night.  a light that doesn’t reach as far as it should.  desperate reach for a flashlight.  clothes that hide your shape.  staying unperceivable.  winter months in the north.  an empty church.

v.  the flesh.   body horror.  factories.  a hunger for something more filling.  never quite happy with how you look.  the terror of an animal waiting for slaughter.  a very good meal.  the liquid of a perfect steak.  fighting your worst survival instincts.  a twisted bone.  long nights working out.  more than one heart.  appearance that shapes like clay.  a bag of bones.  bone broth in a pot.  knowing to fear pigs.  the butcher’s shop.  plastic surgery.  something alien inside your body.  a hunger in the gaze laid upon you.  unwitting cannibalism.  forgetting what you used to look like.  being admired for your appearance and appearance only.  teeth marks on skin.  scars from wounds that should’ve killed you.  cooking in scarcity.  fenced in with one way to go.

iv.  the desolation.   senseless pain.  warmth of faith.  wax where skin should be.  a blazing fire.  heat without a source.  the third or fourth tragedy in the family.  losing everything you’ve ever held dear.  so much to live for, gone so soon.  the smell of gasoline.  touch that scars.  coffee cup that never goes cold.  scorch marks on wood.  inescapably warm air.  a child born in fire.  death of a loved one.  a candle without a flame.  an altar in the middle of the woods.  animals with burnt fur.  plastic explosives.  burning hot metal.  sweating in an interrogation room.  never touching a loved one.  disfigurement.  a kiss that ruins you.  the scent of burning fat.  a tattoo that terrifies its viewer.  the agony of hellfire displayed as art.  auburn hair.  little clothing in cold weather.  a ripple in the air.  trying to cool down in vain.

vi.  the end.   the last page of a book.  nightmares that don’t feel like nightmares.  a skeletal hand.  the grip of the grim reaper around your throat.  existential pain.  ivory dice.  flatlining in a hospital.  gambling with death.  as old as the universe.  soul and spirit tied to an object.  a dream where you die.  closing your eyes for the last time.  the plead of a dying one.  knowing the fate of someone you know and being unable to prevent it.  a thousand cords tugging you towards your end.  skin that’s freezing to the touch.  an act of desperation.  someone’s life for yours.  an eternity spent alive.  the cost of your selfishness.  watching your own burial.  causing your own burial.  the smell of death.  numbness to fear.  words from someone gone.  meaninglessness of the actions or lives of single people in the universe.  multiple near-death experiences you refuse to die from.

viii.  the hunt.   sharp canines.  sore calves after a run.  the scent of blood.  an adventure for the journey’s sake.  the adrenaline right before the kill.   a whistle’s echo.  the woods.  the doe eyes of a prey animal.  your own breath in the air.  sharpened claws.  being tracked.  fear of someone knowing your every movement.  hunting down monsters.  hide and seek.  running away only to end up where you started.  staying alive purely because the enemy enjoys seeing you run.  a set of footsteps behind you.  blood dripping from bare hands.  barks and growls.  focused eyes.  a victim going limp under your hands.  a mouth full of fresh blood.  catching the scent of something monstrous.  perfecting your craft.  peering into the dark and running after it.

vii.  the eye.   googling something you shouldn’t have.  eureka moments.  the unforgiving lens of a camera.  witness reports.  hidden libraries.  eyes of different colours.  feeling of being watched.  a death recorded in tape.  a tragedy you can’t watch away from.  endangering yourself for knowledge.  truth.  analog records.  a symbol of an eye.  a watch tower.  compulsion to document.  turning on recording devices without thinking about it.  saving the evidence before the person.  extracting information.  truth or dare, without the dare.  a thirst for knowledge.  books that speak to you.  coordinated shelves.  cataloguing systems.  voyeurism.  police report you can’t put down.  reasoning your way out.  smell of old papers.  books that read you back.

ix.  the lonely.   an apartment too small for a double bed.  completely vacant streets.  waking up to see everyone gone.  fog.  point nemo.  a house too big to hear your family members in.  alone in a faceless crowd.  a mask with nothing behind it.  separated cubicles.  a deafening silence where joy should be.  a blinding spotlight.  the least missed in your friend group.  streets without lights in the windows.  isolation.  not truly knowing your friends.  your friends not truly knowing you.  need for silence.  fear of crowds.  staring into space knowing nothing is looking back at you.  a ship alone at sea.  depression.  knowing your friends are better off without you.  talking to someone only to realise they’re gone.  a family too large to notice you there.  safety in being alone.

x.  the slaughter.    a game of tag.   senseless violence.  a true crime hobby.  improvised weapons.  blinding rage.  intent to kill.  a horrific day in a quiet community.  a medal of bravery.  holding on to what validates your anger.  history books that spare no details.  an injury you want revenge for.  war.  counting kills.  songs of soldiers.  a knife block on the counter.  a pool of blood.  shellshock.  unspeakable horrors.  anger pushing you forward.  unimaginable pain.  not seeing who will hurt you but knowing the pain is coming.  a fully human monster.  an authority sending its lessers to their deaths.  kill or be killed.  unedited wartime memoirs.  a weapons collection.  not knowing the names of who you kill.  too many to remember.  loss of hope.  there’s no heroes in war.

xi.  the spiral.   sleep deprivation.  corridors you can get lost in. maze puzzles that loop back on themselves.  losing possessions.  losing people.  losing your sanity.  corkscrew curls.  rows of funhouse mirrors.  optical illusions.  a separate reality.  walking through the wrong door.  delusions.  not knowing what your hands are doing.  blank spaces in documents.  hallucinations.  wrong proportions.  a nameless thing.  a place that has never existed.  doubting your own mind.  blind faith.  losing track of names, labels, categories.  distorted sound.  an imperfection in a glass that twists the view.  loss of time.  a garish colour.  doors that open to nowhere.  lies.  an unnatural laugh.  jokes and tricks.  illusions.  a doorway.  a sculptor with a wild imagination.  limbs in impossible angles.  doing what’s fun, not what’s sensible.  fractals you can get lost in.

xii.  the stranger.   wax figures.  a close approximation of a human face.  a borrowed appearance.  a strange smell.  glass eyes.  furs and pelts.  a dance.  a song of a choir.  the uncanny valley.  stitching yourself together.  the colours of a circus.  a puppet with no strings.  mannequins.  glitter and sequin.  a stranger you’ve always known.  someone strange in the place of someone you knew.  stolen identities.  stolen skins.  a machine imitating humanity.  the anonymity of a service worker.  hiding in plain sight.  uncomfortable to look at.  a faked accent.  concealing.  forgetting who you are.  forgetting who others are.  a replacement no one notices.  images that look posed.  the only one seeing the false face of someone.

xiv.  the web.   undecipherable code.  a puppeteer holding the strings.  power over the weak-willed.  strings of fate.  manipulation.  an arranged accident.  a hundred minions doing your bidding.  cobwebs.  spiders.  a laid trap.  never voicing discomfort.  outwitting a cheater.  doing things without realising it.  red string across a corkboard.  finding something lost where you were sure you checked.  power over the unreliability of chance.  watching others dance for you.  an entangled death.  a thousand tiny legs and fangs.  shady forum threads.  something important gone missing.  suspiciously disregarded case.  a missing witness.  connections.  the world wide web.  power of victimhood.  gullibility.  no control over your own decisions.  an invisible leash.  mass psychology.  a horror film in the making.  scapegoat.  never remembering to ask for a name.

xiii.  the vast.   open spaces.  carnival rides going up and down.  fear of heights.  endless infinity around you.  your insignificance in an universe.  stomach turning at a drop.  fear of not the crash down but the moment you slip.  the sway of a cable car.  an adventure holiday.  losing track of where the surface is.  miles and miles of nothing around you.  staring at the sky and feeling like you may fall into it.  loss of control.  a fall that doesn’t end in death.  glass floor to the view below.  terminal velocity.  the sound of wind in your ears.  a reach over the railing.  a jump from the top of the building.  falling into nothing.  feeling your feet let go of the ground.  a leap of faith.  motion sickness.

+  the extinction.   the end of an era.  apocalypse movies.  the alarms of warning systems.  a desolate landscape.  end of the world cults.  nihilism.  the last written history.  a changed world.  no survivors.  old prophecies.  a thousand predicted ends.  a new chapter.  an end with no escape.  catastrophes.  a calendar counting down.  breaking point.  overindulgence.

[deanlighful]

By inviting me to talk about Disney and Community, you have opened pandoras box lol 😂 i will not shut up about them! i would definitely recommend finishing ducktales if you can! im so sorry you werent able to ride pirates or anything else for that matter :( thats awesome that you were a beta tester! (sidenote, fans have remade it and i think i might try it out again lol). (1/3)

Goofy movie/Community edits would be awesome! im dying to know some of your community/disney headcanons, whether theyd be incorporated in your fic or not! like favorite disney movies for the study group? i have a list but i wanna write it out better (more like a fanfic i guess?) but yeah, any headcanons! again, great movie picks! oliver and company is SO GOOD! i too love a good found family aspect 😭 (hence community lmao) 

and omg i love the character choices! very underrated ones that arent usually chosen! (and ron stoppable definitely reminds me i have to get back to my kim possible rewatch ive neglected!) (3/3)

oooo i just saw the tags on your reply so top 5 disney channel movies! Im 110% Sorry i forgot this was in my ask box!! Also feel free to just like private message me if you want i dont mind at all.  I need to check out the fanmade one because i loved that game. I will talk headcanons all day because i have like a whole document written up and honestly it might help me get this fic written faster because  MUSE! They are so going into my fic!!!  I have a list written out of who all likes what Disney movie but im not sure if that whole list is going into the the fic its just for reference. I am like Annie i have to overprepare for anything i do. So I've been overprearing for this fic.  One headcanon ill put that @jabedalien helped me with was Jeff’s fav Disney movie is Toy story. It’s got, astronauts and cowboys. Its got a kid growing up with just his mom. It’s something he somehow connected with. Even though it wasn’t for his age he caught it and he probably cried a little. Also he probably never told a soul. 

Top 5 Disney channel movies 1. Smart house!!! There is a reason i don’t own an Alexa or any of that stuff. I learned from that movie. That movie was also just amazing. seriously if you’ve never seen it go watch it! 2. Mom’s got a date with a vampire! For some reason i always remember bits and pieces of this one but never the whole thing. I just remember it left a good impression on me and that Helga from sabrina the teenage witch was in it. Also the actor who played Mr. Sheffield was in it.  3. GET A CLUE! the music was a lit! it was kids solving a mystery!  it was amazing!  4. wendy Wu homecoming warrior! Brenda song was just amazing! i love her! 5. the luck of the Irish. i get its problematic my roots are Irish but there's just something about that damn movie for me.  ALSO TALK TO ME MORE ABOUT DISNEY LIKE PLEASE I DONT CARE THAT PANDORAS BOX IS OPEN i will say im more likely to forget an ask then i am to forget a message on messenger here 

[stxrmofstunningstars]

aesthetics for the entities bold what applies to your muse, italics what applies situationally or only in certain verses. this is based on a horror podcast;  potentially triggering and / or upsetting content ahead!

i.  the buried.   weighted blankets.  drowning.  the comfort of a loved one’s weight.  soil and sand piling on top of you.  hugging so hard it hurts a little.  cramped hiding spots.  letting out air underwater to sink to the bottom of the pool.  walls pressing in on you.  not moving from a position even though you’re cramping a little.  dragging the last second before you have to inhale.  lonely subways.  feeling like one with the earth.  a layer of dirt on you.  looking for something below.  cardboard boxes and tiny pillow forts.  hands calloused from digging.  knowing that your purpose is just below the surface.  entering your final resting place before it kills you.  a storm drowning you out.  dust and sand speaking to you.

ii.  the corruption.   insects.  a close imitation of the natural course of life.  an illness in a community.  a rag that dirties more than it cleans.  an untreated wound.  containment.  breaching containment.  unbreathable air.  fungi.  one with what you love.  one with what loves you.  a corpse unfit for a glass case. hearing a song in the sound of tiny wings and legs.  honeycomb patterns.  an ecosystem within a person.  a curse passed on.  the hubris of a scientist.  an ugly death where a glorious one is owed.  blood on a handkerchief.  parasites. something pushing up the sewer.  a mask to keep something out.  trypophobia. knowing you belong.  death weeks after impact.  fever.  food that’s gone off. pandora’s box.  death behind a glass.

iii.  the dark.   shadows.  lights that turn off by themselves.  the feel of cold marble.  a beaked creature in the night.  the difference between seeing darkness and seeing nothing.  touch of something you can’t see.  hiding under a blanket.  white, clouded eyes.  months without going outside during sunlight.  pouring dark.  unscrewing lightbulbs.  black matter.  light sensitivity.  a starless night.  time before light was created.  a shadow on the wall without a body to attach to.  withering plants.  a world without a sun.  footfalls in an empty house in the night.  a light that doesn’t reach as far as it should.  desperate reach for a flashlight.  clothes that hide your shape.  staying unperceivable.  winter months in the north.  an empty church.

v.  the flesh.   body horror.  factories.  a hunger for something more filling.  never quite happy with how you look.  the terror of an animal waiting for slaughter.  a very good meal.  the liquid of a perfect steak.  fighting your worst survival instincts.  a twisted bone.  long nights working out.  more than one heart.  appearance that shapes like clay.  a bag of bones.  bone broth in a pot. knowing to fear pigs.  the butcher’s shop.  plastic surgery.  something alien inside your body.  a hunger in the gaze laid upon you.  unwitting cannibalism. forgetting what you used to look like.  being admired for your appearance and appearance only.  teeth marks on skin.  scars from wounds that should’ve killed you.  cooking in scarcity.  fenced in with one way to go.

iv.  the desolation.   senseless pain.  warmth of faith.  wax where skin should be. a blazing fire.  heat without a source.  the third or fourth tragedy in the family. losing everything you’ve ever held dear.  so much to live for, gone so soon. the smell of gasoline.  touch that scars.  coffee cup that never goes cold. scorch marks on wood.  inescapably warm air.  a child born in fire. death of a loved one.  a candle without a flame.  an altar in the middle of the woods. animals with burnt fur.  plastic explosives.  burning hot metal.  sweating in an interrogation room.  never touching a loved one.  disfigurement.  a kiss that ruins you.  the scent of burning fat.  a tattoo that terrifies its viewer.  the agony of hellfire displayed as art.  auburn hair.  little clothing in cold weather.  a ripple in the air.  trying to cool down in vain.

vi.  the end.   the last page of a book.  nightmares that don’t feel like nightmares.  a skeletal hand.  the grip of the grim reaper around your throat.  existential pain.  ivory dice.  flatlining in a hospital.  gambling with death.  as old as the universe.  soul and spirit tied to an object.  a dream where you die. closing your eyes for the last time.  the plead of a dying one.  knowing the fate of someone you know and being unable to prevent it.  a thousand cords tugging you towards your end.  skin that’s freezing to the touch.  an act of desperation.  someone’s life for yours.  an eternity spent alive.  the cost of your selfishness.  watching your own burial.  causing your own burial.  the smell of death.  numbness to fear.  words from someone gone.  meaninglessness of the actions or lives of single people in the universe.  multiple near-death experiences you refuse to die from.

viii.  the hunt.   sharp canines.  sore calves after a run.  the scent of blood.  an adventure for the journey’s sake.  the adrenaline right before the kill.   a whistle’s echo.  the woods.  the doe eyes of a prey animal.  your own breath in the air.  sharpened claws.  being tracked.  fear of someone knowing your every movement.  hunting down monsters.  hide and seek.  running away only to end up where you started.  staying alive purely because the enemy enjoys seeing you run.  a set of footsteps behind you.  blood dripping from bare hands.  barks and growls.  focused eyes.  a victim going limp under your hands.  a mouth full of fresh blood.  catching the scent of something monstrous.  perfecting your craft.  peering into the dark and running after it.

vii.  the eye.   googling something you shouldn’t have.  eureka moments.  the unforgiving lens of a camera.  witness reports.  hidden libraries.  eyes of different colours.  feeling of being watched.  a death recorded in tape.  a tragedy you can’t look away from.  endangering yourself for knowledge.  truth. analog records.  a symbol of an eye.  a watch tower.  compulsion to document. turning on recording devices without thinking about it.  saving the evidence before the person.  extracting information.  truth or dare, without the dare.  a thirst for knowledge.  books that speak to you.  coordinated shelves. cataloguing systems.  voyeurism.  police report you can’t put down. reasoning your way out.  smell of old papers.  books that read you back.

ix.  the lonely.   an apartment too small for a double bed.  completely vacant streets.  waking up to see everyone gone.  fog.  point nemo.  a house too big to hear your family members in.  alone in a faceless crowd.  a mask with nothing behind it.  separated cubicles.  a deafening silence where joy should be.  a blinding spotlight.  the least missed in your friend group.  streets without lights in the windows.  isolation.  not truly knowing your friends.  your friends not truly knowing you.  need for silence.  fear of crowds.  staring into space knowing nothing is looking back at you.  a ship alone at sea.  depression.  knowing your friends are better off without you. talking to someone only to realise they’re gone.  a family too large to notice you there.  safety in being alone.

x.  the slaughter.    a game of tag.   senseless violence.  a true crime hobby.  improvised weapons.  blinding rage.  intent to kill.  a horrific day in a quiet community.  a medal of bravery.  holding on to what validates your anger. history books that spare no details.  an injury you want revenge for.  war. counting kills.  songs of soldiers.  a knifeblock on the counter.  a pool of blood. shellshock.  unspeakable horrors.  anger pushing you forward.  unimaginable pain.  not seeing who will hurt you but knowing the pain is coming.  a fully human monster.  an authority sending its lessers to their deaths.  kill or be killed.  unedited wartime memoirs.  a weapons collection.  not knowing the names of who you kill.  too many to remember.  loss of hope.  there’s no heroes in war.

xi.  the spiral.   sleep deprivation.  corridors you can get lost in. maze puzzles that loop back on themselves.  losing possessions.  losing people.  losing your sanity.  corkscrew curls.  rows of funhouse mirrors.  optical illusions.  a separate reality.  walking through the wrong door.  delusions.  not knowing what your hands are doing.  blank spaces in documents.  hallucinations.  wrong proportions.  a nameless thing.  a place that has never existed.  doubting your own mind.  blind faith.  losing track of names, labels, categories.  distorted sound.  an imperfection in a glass that twists the view.  loss of time.  a garish colour.  doors that open to nowhere.  lies.  an unnatural laugh.  jokes and tricks.  illusions.  a doorway.  a sculptor with a wild imagination.  limbs in impossible angles.  doing what’s fun, not what’s sensible.  fractals you can get lost in.

xii.  the stranger.   wax figures.  a close approximation of a human face.  a borrowed appearance.  a strange smell.  glass eyes.  furs and pelts.  a dance.  a song of a choir.  the uncanny valley.  stitching yourself together.  the colours of a circus.  a puppet with no strings.  mannequins.  glitter and sequin.  a stranger you’ve always known.  someone strange in the place of someone you knew.  stolen identities.  stolen skins.  a machine imitating humanity.  the anonymity of a service worker.  hiding in plain sight.  uncomfortable to look at. a faked accent.  concealing.  forgetting who you are.  forgetting who others are. a replacement no one notices.  images that look posed.  the only one seeing the false face of someone.

xiv.  the web.   undecipherable code.  a puppeteer holding the strings.  power over the weak-willed.  strings of fate.  manipulation.  an arranged accident.  a hundred minions doing your bidding.  cobwebs.  spiders.  a laid trap.  never voicing discomfort.  outwitting a cheater.  doing things without realizing it.  red string across a corkboard.  finding something lost where you were sure you checked.  power over the unreliability of chance.  watching others dance for you.  an entangled death.  a thousand tiny legs and fangs.  shady forum threads.  something important gone missing.  suspiciously disregarded case.  a missing witness.  connections.  the world wide web. power of victimhood. gullibility.  no control over your own decisions.  an invisible leash.  mass psychology.  a horror film in the making.  scapegoat.  never remembering to ask for a name.

xiii.  the vast.   open spaces.  carnival rides going up and down.  fear of heights.  endless infinity around you.  your insignificance in an universe.  stomach turning at a drop.  fear of not the crash down but the moment you slip.  the sway of a cable car.  an adventure holiday.  losing track of where the surface is.  miles and miles of nothing around you.  staring at the sky and feeling like you may fall into it.  loss of control.  a fall that doesn’t end in death. glass floor to the view below.  terminal velocity.  the sound of wind in your ears. a reach over the railing.  a jump from the top of the building.  falling into nothing.  feeling your feet let go of the ground.  a leap of faith.  motion sickness.

+  the extinction.   the end of an era.  apocalypse movies.  the alarms of warning systems.  a desolate landscape.  end of the world cults.  nihilism.  the last written history.  a changed world.  no survivors.  old prophecies.  a thousand predicted ends.  a new chapter.  an end with no escape. catastrophes.  a calendar counting down.  breaking point.  overindulgence.

TAGGED BY STOLEN FROM: @yukitscne​

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