#i feel like i need to take improv classes for this lmao. the horrors are indescribable but girl you have got to serve. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sincerelyasimmer · 3 years ago

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I want all the Misc. Ask Meme questions for Amir 😊 kinda want all the Odd OC questions too 😬

I could fight you for this lmao , Thank you<3

❣️ - What are their love languages? Humor , if he jokes with you a lot he more than likely likes you.

🌙 - What’s their sleep schedule like? Chaotic lol , he's an entrepreneur, so most nights he only gets about 4hours.

🎁 - How do they feel about their birthday/birthdays in general? He loves his birthday , usually celebrates for about 2 weeks & plans a big trip every year.

🧑‍🦰 - Have they ever dyed their hair? Ever cut it themself? dyed, no. But sometimes he cuts his own whenever he gets tired of having to chase his barber down for a cut.

🍷- How do they feel about alcohol? Nothing really, he drinks here & there

🗣️ - How do they handle public speaking? Better than he use to since his occupation requires him to talk in front of people all the time, he decided to take a public speaking class. He's improved a lot.

🎮 - What’s their favorite game? Madden & Cod

💓 - What are some signs they’ve fallen for someone? How do they show their affection? He becomes consistent, going out of his way to do little things for them, making them feel special. Make sure he pays attention to things they like/talk about etc.

🤡 - What’s something dumb they’re embarrassed about? He's sometimes embarrassed by the way he walks.

🌱 - Do they have a green thumb or are they a plant killer? He's been growing plants..particularly weed since he was a teen, so he's good.

📱 - What social media do they use the most? I'd say IG

👪 - What’s their relationship with their parents like? It's improving. He didn't talk to his father much once he went out on his own, but since 2020 they've gotten closer.

🐒 - What’s their favorite animal? Dog

🧳 - What countries have they been to? Mexico, Ghana, Canada , Tokyo, Jamaica

🤔 - What’s something they’ll never understand? Certain math, he's horrible at it

🎨 - What’s their favorite color? Black/red

☂️ - How do they feel about rain? if He can stay in .. he loves it.

🎶 - What’s a song they really like? Gucci mane - I think I love her

🖌️ - Do they have any hobbies? Video games, working out, hiking, playing board games, cooking & gardening

💤 - What do they absolutely need to have to fall asleep? Silence, if its quiet & dark he'll fall asleep

🎢 - Do they like amusement parks? What’s their favorite ride? He does , Tatsu at Magic mountain

🗺️ - What languages do they speak? English

🍳 - How well can they cook? He's pretty good at it , he takes cooking seriously.

🍪 - How well can they bake? If it ain't a peach cobbler, don't ask for it.

💘 - What do they find attractive about their partner(s)? Physically? He looks at the eyes/ lips first.

👗 - How comfortable would they be wearing a skirt or dress? Not at all

💝 - What gestures do they really appreciate? How do you get on their good side? Paying attention to the little things he likes, cooking for him. He's simple , he don't need much lol

☕ - Coffee or tea? Coffee

💀 - How do they feel about horror movies? Big fan. Its number one next to action.

🧸 - Do they have any stuffed animals? If so, are they decorative or do they sleep with them? He does not. He had one that his mom kept in storage from his childhood, he recently gave it to Taylor.

💖 - How and how often do they try to impress their partner(s)? How and how often do their partner(s) impress them? He tries to impress , in the right way, often. He tries to keep things exciting.

🍽️ - What’s their favorite food? Wings/pasta

🧑‍🍼 - How do they feel about kids? He loves his lol other people's kids, outside of family, he doesn't really have patience like that.

🐾 - Do they have any pets? Four dogs. And his daughter has a few fish & a turtle.

💬 - What are some filler/buffer words they use? (Like, um, etc.) " I meaaan""

🏳️‍🌈 - What do they identify as? What are their pronouns? Male

🧑‍🤝‍🧑 - Do they have any siblings? 3 ..2 he isn't sure about, just heard rumors.

🥰 - What pet names do their partner(s) use for them? How flustered do they get by them? Babe/baby

🌳 - What’s their extended family like? Annoying lol , he keeps in touch with his fave aunts/uncles & a few cousins, thats about it.

ODD Oc Aks

🍇: What sort of friend are they? Where are they in the group dynamic? He's the supportive , go get drunk and have fun type of friend.

🍉: Does your OC have a particular piece of jewelry that they always wear or refuse to part with? His A & goat chain. They're just his favorite.

🍋: What is your OC's most painful memory? Losing his gramps / The leg injury he got that ended his football career in high school.

🍍: Where does your OC feel most comfortable? At home with loved ones.

🍎: Do they share any features or traits with any family members? His brother, Davian & their father. They're practically triplets. They also favor their mother in certain ways, just a bit.

🍑: What sort of traits does your OC look for in a Significant Other? Being genuine , kind, funny , sense of humor, consistent etc

🍒: Has Your OC had their first kiss yet? If so, with who? Like a thousand times lol the first kiss was when he was like 12/13, some girl from his neighborhood.

🍓: Does your OC have any particular scents they like? Or hate? Bbq , a nice candle & weed . He hates the smell of gasoline.

🍆: Does your OC have any favourite form of affection, physical or otherwise? playing in hair/ears, rubbing.

🌽: How does this OC feel about acts of affection? What's their favorite act of affection, physical or emotional? Talking. Going deep with convos with somebody he vibes with.

🍰: What's something your OC counts as unforgivable? betrayal

🎂: Has your OC have any contradictory interests or traits to the first preception people have of the? How do they surprise people? Certain shows he's interested in, his knowledge of planting usually surprises people.

🍪: What is something that's sentimental to you OC? A photo album his mother gifted him filled with pics from his childhood.

🍩: What's a crime your OC is most likely to commit? What's a crime they're most likely to get arrested for? Robing a bank or sum shit lol idk he doesn't do crime. He wouldn't make it in prison lmao

🍫: Where does your OC go to think? Home/ his office

🍾: Does your OC believe in luck? If so, do they have any charm or ritual they do before a stressful event? His crystals , he prays

🍷: What's one of your OC's pet peeves concerning food? it costs too much. He's a foodie, so he spends a pretty penny on food on the regular.

🍹: Does your OC have any funny anecdotes told about them? Time he got whooped by his grandfather in the middle of walmart.

🍻: What's your OC's favourite comfort ritual? How do they calm themselves down after a rough day? Blunt , music, a shower & a nap .

🥃: If your OC was in this universe, what would be their favourite show/book/band/social media platform? Martin/ not sure / ima say rapper? Kendrick & Ig

🍕: How does an OC spend a lazy day? Eating , self care & sleeping

🍔: Are there any recent trends you think your OC would hate? Or love? Hmm considering Amir is always out the loop , lol I'm not sure

🍟: What does your OC admit to be their guilty pleasure? What actually is their guilty pleasure? Watching ratchet reality shows.

#Probably all type of typos lol #this is the third time trying to answer this #tumblr kept closing out the post I was about to scream lmao #thank you so much #ask my characters thingssss

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its-nebula · 4 years ago

Text

Why Don’t You Love Me?

Chihiro x Reader during the Killing Game

Warning: Angst and sadness. I apologize in advance for what you’re about to read lmao

He could feel his eyes watering as he read the note that he held in his shaky hands, the piece of paper threatening to fall. He read it, again and again, unable to comprehend its contents.

S/O is going to reveal your secret tonight.

It had just appeared under his door moments ago, after he’d come back from reading that horrid motive, revealing that Monokuma knew his secret. He didn’t see who slipped him the note, but at that point, it didn’t matter. How could they? After what they’ve been through together, this is the thanks he gets? He’d always thought that they’d made a pretty good team. That their relationship could withstand anything.

So why was a simple secret plausible enough to cause them to reveal something that he’d told them in confidence? It took courage to admit that he was a boy to them, to be vulnerable to them, to expose himself and his past to them and now it just seemed like it was all just...for nothing. All the memories of his past began to cloud his mind. The bullying, the teasing, the being made fun of, the crying in his bed at night wondering when it all would end...

No. He couldn’t go through it again. Not like this. He wasn’t strong enough, and he knew it. Any confidence that he had to work on himself, improve his mental health, and reveal his own secret to the world on his own terms was completely thrown out of the window, all because of that one note.

Throughout the day, he was weary of S/O’s advances towards him. After all, this was all obviously just some sick joke to them. Their hugs did nothing for him. Those soft, warm hands that he once longed to hold felt as cold as ice now. Every kiss between the two of you left a bitter taste in his mouth. Losing trust for the only person you’ve ever loved was definitely despair inducing, and yet, it’s not like Chihiro even tried to fight it.

Despair had already won.

“Chihiro Fujisaki!” S/O finally approached him at the top of a stairwell, frustrated with his distant nature throughout the day. “What’s gotten into you today? Where is the sweet boy that I’ve come to know and love? What’s happened to you?”

Damn, he couldn’t stop those tears from falling down his face, and he absolutely hated himself for it. Damn this killing game, damn this despair, damn it all to hell. “W-Why don’t you love me anymore?” He managed to choke out angrily, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat. “What did I ever do t-to you? I loved you, I trusted you, and you’re willing to throw it all away for some dumb secret that you have?” He took a step towards them.

“Ch-Ch-Chihiro? What’s wrong with you? What the hell are you talking about?!” S/O accordingly took a step back, afraid of whatever it was their once sweet and loving boyfriend was talking about. You’ve never seen him this upset before, and it scared you.

“Acting as if you don’t know. Of course.” Chihiro pulled out the note from earlier, shoving it in their face. “Then explain this! Why do you want me to be unhappy so badly?” By now, he was desperately sobbing, almost unable to speak. S/O stood there, stunned, trying to process the note and what was going on. Through their silence, Chihiro was able to choke out one last sentence.

“What did I do wrong?”

S/O’s expression softened, and they began taking steps toward Chihiro. No wonder he acted like he hated you; he thought they hated him! Well, now was the time to set things right. S/O wrapped him in a tight embrace, calmly stroking his hair. He didn’t return the favor, instead sobbing in his hands.

“I’d never, ever reveal your secret if you didn’t want me to. I couldn’t do that to you, you know that. I love you too much.”

No. He couldn’t trust them anymore. He couldn’t trust anyone. Everyone was exactly the same. They all wanted to watch him crumble. They all wanted to walk all over him, like the doormat they thought he was. Not this time.

It all took place so suddenly. One minute, you were hugging him tightly, trying to calm him down, and the next, you were at the bottom of the stairs, a pool of blood starting to slowly form around your head. All Chihiro could do at that point was stare in silent horror, knees trembling and eyes wide.

What has he done?

The class trial moved slowly, at least to Chihiro. For the most part, he couldn’t pull together a sentence to contribute. With no obvious clues besides the note Kyoko had found beside the body, that was the only lead they had. It seemed nobody could figure out who wrote the message, or who it was for, until...

“This is getting painfully boring.” Byakuya frowned at the others. “It was me, you imbeciles. I wrote the message to S/O.”

“Byakuya... you wrote the message?” Makoto questioned. “But how did you know that she knew someone’s secret? More importantly, how did you know what the killer’s secret was?”

“Simple. She simply knew about their secret beforehand, I didn’t have to know anything about it.” An uncomfortable silence befell the room, as everyone slowly started to put the pieces together. It was something nobody wanted to say out loud, but it looked like the only possibility.

“Chihiro... it’s not you...is it?” Makoto squinted at Chihiro. All he could do is look down in shame, biting his lip.

“She’s not answering! Why is she not answering?!” Aoi demanded, making Byakuya scoff.

“It’s not obvious to you, yet? She’s the killer. She killed S/O in cold blood, all to protect some trivial secret she was keeping. How ridiculous.”

“Chihiro, please, say that you object to this!” Sakura butted in, not wanting to believe the ugly truth. “Tell us that he’s wrong.”

Chihiro took a deep breath. There was no getting out of it now. “You’re right. I’m the one who killed S/O. It was all my fault, a-and I shouldn’t have pushed them down the stairs...!” He clenched his fists, angry at himself for stooping so low. “All because...I wanted to keep my secret. But there’s not a secret in the world that was worth losing her life over. So... that’s why I feel the need to tell you all, right now. I...I’m a boy.”

“A...boy?” Aoi covered her mouth in surprise. Another uncomfortable silence fell upon the room, before Monokuma spoke up.

“Puhuhuhuhu! Well it seems you all have reached your conclusion, so now, it’s time to cast your votes!” As everyone sadly casted their votes, Chihiro got ready to accept his fate. “Everyone guessed correctly! The person who killed S/O is Chihiro Fujisaki!” He laughed, holding his stomach.

Chihiro turned to Byakuya, trying to wipe the tears about to spill from his eyes once again. “Byakuya...why would you write that note? Why would you do that?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, this is a game, and our objective is to survive. Feelings have no place in an environment such as this, and that’s what ultimately got her-- and soon, yourself-- killed.”

“B-But!”

“I also couldn’t just simply allow my secrets to be revealed to everyone in the world. The Togami name has a reputation to upkeep. All I did was plant the seed, and you carried out the rest.”

Chihiro was stunned. “O-Oh. I see.”

“Now then, I’ve prepared a very special punishment for Chihiro Fujisaki, the Ultimate Programmer!” Monokuma cheered. Chihiro turned to face everyone, a sad smile on his face.

“I’m sorry everyone. I’m sorry, S/O. I’m so, so sorry...”

“LET’S GIVE IT EVERYTHING WE’VE GOT! IIIIIIIT’S PUNISHMENT TIME!”

#danganronpa x reader #chihiro x reader #chihiro fujisaki #imagine #fanfic

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touchmycoat · 3 years ago

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I LOVE YOUR PORN AU!!!!! LIKE SO MUCH - and i'm just. if you don't mind me asking, how - the way you flesh out the characters, their motivations, and feelings in every scene in such an eloquent way, and just little things here and there, a habit or an activity that adds dimension to who they are, and - your prose is wonderful. you achieve this addictive, engrossing narrative space that readers just absolutely melt into, and i have to ask - how did you develop your writing style? 1/2

what books did you read that formatively shaped the way you write? or you know, what did you do to improve your writing? i'm so in awe of how you world-built and established the porn au - like lqg & hc being national taolu champions?? how do you come up with that stuff? i cannot comprehend the amount of research and effort that must've gone into porn au, and i'm just so deeply thankful that you decided to share that with us. i apologize if i'm coming on too strong, but wow. thank you 2/2

oh my god please don't apologize, when i saw your ask i rolled on the floor giggling hysterically for a solid 15 min, bless your heart

part of the answer to your question—i've taken like, 8 years' worth of creative writing classes/workshops! there was also a transnational literary component to my degree so whenever possible, i took literature classes fksjdfksd so whatever you see and like is definitely the result of a lot of work. My writing from not even 10 years ago but like, 5? horrid, ridiculous, wild, cringe. The Porn AU itself is the second draft of a MUCH more lackluster piece.

about my writing style. gosh, you really know how to make a writer blush. "I like your writing style" is literally an instant kill LMFAO okay okay, the useful answer: my primary criteria for choosing what to write is, don't be obvious, be interesting. Fiction tells us to show, not tell, right? Poetry is about concretizing the abstract. Screenwriting says cut all useless lines. A lot of writing rules and advice—never start with the weather, avoid detailed descriptions of the characters, don't use adverbs, etc.—are all really about this exact sentiment.

I once took a seminar on writing for horror movies. The golden rule of the horror genre is Never Show the Monster, because whatever the audience is imagining is always going to be scarier than what you actually show them. There are obviously exceptions to this (to all writing rules), but in my mind, it's all the same principle.

LONG answer under the cut

So you start with building a scene. I approach it like essay-writing—I state my thesis for the motivations/main propulsion of the plot. "In this scene, LQG and SY are motivated to save Cang Qiong's porn production, so they have sex on camera." Then you build the sub-motivations: "LQG is also doing this because he's pining after SY."

I learned this "thesis-writing" from theater, specifically from writing 10-min plays. Theater is all about characters being driven by their wants and needs, and the reason I say 10-min plays in particular is because longer forms of writing will give you more leeway, but in 10-min, you pretty much need your character motivations established from their very first line. That's why you need that very clear thesis for yourself—if you don't even know what the character wants from the get-go, then you can't establish who they are, what they want, and where they're going to go in a dynamic and interesting way.

So this thesis drives EVERYTHING that happens in your scene, just like an actual thesis for an essay, just like topic sentences for your paragraphs. Once I do this, I have the emotional direction & narrative scope of how much this scene will cover, I have a sense of where it begins and ends. "Begin with the dynamics of their sex. LQG starts showing signs of his feelings. Reveal LQG backstory for exactly what those feelings are and why he isn't telling SY. The rest of the scene implies that LQG's feelings may not be so unrequited, but also sets up the fundamental problem at the heart of the whole fic—SY's inability to comprehend his own feelings." This is kind of my new thesis now. They're having sex; LQG pines; SY doesn't know he himself is pining.

Now it's time to manifest. This is the "storytelling" part, and the hardest lmfao.

Personally, my approach is largely shaped by my very cool screenwriting teacher, who hammered into us: don't fucking waste lines. The Golden Rule of screenwriting is that every line should reveal something new. I found my old writing kind of repetitive, especially on the emotional front, so this is kind of my editing mantra now—is this line either propelling the story or revealing character? If it's revealing character, is it a revelation that has to happen right now, or is it slowing the momentum of the scene?

But these aren't rhetorical questions! "Momentum" doesn't just mean tumble forward as fast as you can, it also means taking the time to draw the bowstring back further, so your next move has even more propulsion. That's why you get the little "LQG has been in love with SY..." cut scene in the middle of the fucking (at least, that's my reasoning for putting it there). Every line has to bring a fresh revelation that "proves" your thesis further.

That brings me to the details. You said you like the details I inject into the world-building, and honestly that's so gratifying to hear, because that means I'm successfully manifesting my intentions, y'know? "Every line has to bring new info" kind of sounds like a tall order, but the most effective way I've seen it done in books and onstage/onscreen is with these hyper-specific details. If you're writing a scene in which someone feels dirty, never have them just say that—have them say they want to take a shower. Show them running out of bleach again as they scrub down the stall after they wash. Begin the scene like "Steve always washes his throat first now." Then pack the scene with even more revelatory details: "Soap in hand, he heard the pipes above his head groan for a half note on adagio, and readied himself for the blast of icy water that always followed." Shitty shower, probably not rich, is likely a classical musician.

By the same token, I want to build LQG's character. The "Liu Qingge has been in love with Shen Yuan" section is the first insight we get into his background and perspective, right, so: I need to establish LQG's emotional context for filming this scene -> I can characterize him as a nut for martial arts in the same stroke -> so this takes place at a gym, beating up sandbags is a classic way of showing manly emotional distress -> so give me more details on this gym -> Puqi Gym, XL the martial god is obviously the owner -> how do I have XL & LQG a relationship beyond gym owner & client? They spar together -> I want XL & HC's position in this AU to mirror their god/ghost king statuses in TGCF canon -> how can I concretize their fighting prowesses in real-world details? -> they're martial arts champions -> what's an actual competitive martial art form that involves weaponry? -> wushu -> wikipedia Wushu, find taolu weapons sparring

(I just realized that in my songxiao daycare AU, Hualian are Olympic gold medalists by the same narrative logic laksjdnflaksjdnflsd)

So, that's the flow of logic behind my world-building lmao. It's all in the details. Leverage is one of my all-time favorite TV shows and the way they build their stories is super inspiring. If their thesis is "the rich and powerful take what they want, we steal it back for you," they manifest it in the most specific and concrete narratives: mine workers who like the work but are fighting for workplace safety vs. the money-grubbing mine owner who will blow up their livelihoods if it means a bigger payday; the little girl from Iraq with refugee status forced to be an accomplice to antique smuggling vs. international smuggler with a fetish for British royalty.

Last pieces of writing advice I've gotten: pay attention to the real world. A writing exercise we did was just sit in a public spot and make concrete observations on our surroundings. There are stories in everything!!! I learned to observe things like weird holes in the concrete (earthquake? drilling accident? bullet mark?), odd patches of moss or bird shit (look overheard: it's an AC unit dripping water for the former and nesting swallows for the latter), ladies in flipflops walking alongside ladies in high heels (excited mother walking her antsy daughter to the bus for the daughter's first job interview—the daughter's shirt collar is unfashionable and she's taking the bus, so there's a good chance the shoes were passed down, maybe from an office lady aunt. Maybe she's even overdressed for the interview, so will her outfit be an unintended source of tension once she gets to the interview? Is it a group interview, to make the comparison more stark?).

Also, write what you know. You know why SY is a video editor in porn AU? Because I'm a video editor. One of my more popular MDZS fics is set in a plant shop 'cause I worked in a plant shop. SL was First AD in Bachelor!AU 'cause I was First AD on a set once. Concrete details like the editing software having a split-screen, always answering questions about how often to water plants, and being up until 3AM editing call-sheets are the ones that will fully immerse your readers.

And if you can't do the actual things, just watch someone who is, listen to them talk, pick up lingo, and fake it. I watched like a 15-min vox video on fencing for the fencing!AU and a 45-min music theory video on the hospital pianist!AU (also I started learning piano sklfjnlsdjlfkjsd). Of course, I just finished reading a wangxian fic that had me going, "holy fucking shit, the author is literally getting their masters in a music program" so my 45-min youtube video ain't shit, but if you just need a little bit of character establishment, then it's enough to do the trick.

Anyways, tl;dr. Find the details, find the tension. Never tell outright what the tension is supposed to be, manifest it instead. Make the manifestation as interesting as possible, and if it's meant to be funny, make it funnier.

Sorry this turned into a fucking lecture lskjnflskdjnflskd but last thing, someone asked me before if I had formative authors, and this was the list I wrote at the time:

Angels in America (play) by Tony Kushner

The God of Small Things (novel) by Arundhati Roy

The Penelopiad (novel) by Margaret Atwood

“Litany in Which Certain Things are Crossed Out” (poem) by Richard Siken

Night Sky with Exit Wounds (poetry) by Ocean Vuong

Giovanni’s Room (novel) by James Baldwin (and then Go Tell it on the Mountain and then his essays)

Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger

And, ooh, now that I have this list I think I can even roughly sort it as such: Kushner, Atwood, Siken, and Salinger I really latched onto for their dialogue and very present narrator voice—same is true for Go Tell it on the Mountain. Roy, Vuong, and Giovanni’s Room, I think, are texts more representative of the kind of saturated figurative language I like, and emulate. Of course they all do imagery and voice and overall structure amazingly, but that’s the rough dividing line I’d draw.

But yeah James Baldwin is my fucking hero.

#long post #about me #writing #jesus sorry i spent way too long on this laksjdnflaskjdnflaskjndflas #but anyways i'm super grateful you gave me the chance to introspect and articulate all this #i'm exceedingly grateful too to all the writing mentors i've gotten to have #personal #these are the principles and rules i've learned and #i still definitely screw the pooch #on them #so you know this is just what's on my mind #this is how i school myself

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insanelycooljk · 4 years ago

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You mentioned ⚡⚡⚡was the worst for angst so now I Have To Ask

send me the title of one of my deh wips and I’ll share an excerpt/tell you a bit about it

Ok I definitely only mentioned that because I was hoping someone might ask about it lmao. I’d argue that this is more like... hurt than angst, but it’s gonna be hurt/comfort, so hopefully the sweet moments make up for it. You can expect a lot of soft kleinsen lol.

This one it was like 3am and there was a huge storm outside. I was sitting by my window watching the lightning, I’d just finished reading Trying Through the Trauma and a particular scene was on my mind (if you’ve read it you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about, and if you haven’t I highly reccomend it because that fic is wonderful, the world-building is INSANE).

So given all of that, plus my apparent desire to just hurt all the characters I love, my brain was like “hey... what if Jared got struck by lightning?”

Which I KNOW sounds absolutely ridiculous and like some kind of crack fic, but just bare with me here ok.

For maximum angst, the fic begins with Jared storming out of Evan’s house after a fight.

I haven’t worked out all of the details of the fight yet, but basically there was an attempt at an apology/discussion of Evan’s letter that didn’t go so well and things got a bit heated.

Jared’s hurt and angry, so he runs away because that’s what he does.

It’s absolutely pissing down, it’s at least a 15/20 minute walk back to his house, but Jared’s a stubborn bastard and he just needs to get out of there.

Evan’s stuck in his head trying to process how the hell that went so badly, because he’s hurt and angry too, but then a particulary loud clap of thunder snaps him out of his thoughts. He’s not sure why the hell Jared walked here instead of drove (it was because he wanted the extra time to try and plan what he was going to say to Evan), but Heidi will kill him if she finds out he just let Jared walk all the way home in this weather.

So he runs outside after Jared to tell him to stop being an idiot and at least just wait until it stops raining so much

And of course Evan catches up with Jared just in time to see him get struck

Evan is just frozen in absolute horror because what the fuck. What the fuck. Who the hell gets struck by lightning!? That just doesn’t happen in real life. What the fuck.

His brain finally catches up to him and he rushes over to Jared who’s just convulsing on the ground.

Evan’s hands are shaking but he manages to call 911. Once the ambulance is on their way he’s just staring helplessly at Jared still seizing on the ground, and all he can think is Jared is going to die and the last thing they did was fight.

Another minute or so passes and Jared’s seizure suddenly ends. Evan’s just holding his breath because he has no idea what he should do. Being a nurse and all, Heidi’s taught him how to do basic CPR incase of emergencies, but Evan’s in such a state of panic that he can’t do anything

And then Jared opens his eyes. It takes a second for the pain to catch up to him, the ringing in his ears is loud and oh fuck everything hurts his whole body is on fire

Evan is freaking the fuck out now that Jared is awake and crying, and he’s desperately trying to comfort him and is begging the ambulance to hurry the fuck up. And god this is so much worse now that Jared’s conscious, because Jared just doesn’t break down. The last time Evan probably saw him cry was when he stacked it on his bike when they were kids (unless you count the unshed tears shining in his eyes during their gfy fight and most recent fight, which Evan is pointedly NOT counting lmao, he can’t deal with that right now)

Anyway, the paramedics finally arrive and give Jared some serious painkillers and take him to the hospital because honestly they’re not really sure what to do either. It’s not like there’s a special “lightning strike survivor” class in the paramedicine curriculum lol. Jared didn’t go into cardiac arrest or anything so that’s a good sign, but he’s obviously in pain and he’s got some really nasty burns that need looking at so he’s clearly not fine.

And of course, for more maximum angst, they take him to the hospital Heidi works at. Because of course they do. Heidi’s had a fairly quiet night at work, or at least as as quiet as it can be working at a hospital. But then she overhears something about a kid who got struck by lightning!? And Heidi is like damn… well that doesn’t happen every day. She’s currently on her break but she’s understandably pretty curious, so she decides she’ll just go see what’s going on.

Which of course leads to her finding an extremely distraught looking Evan who is absolutely drenched, and any other thoughts are gone from her mind instantly.

Evan all but collapses into her arms. She’s holding him tightly as he just sobs and sobs and he’s shivering and so cold and why is he so wet? And obviously Heidi just wants to be there for him but the she’s starting to panic and she needs to know what’s wrong. She pulls away, still holding his shoulders tightly, to look him in the face.

“Evan, honey talk to me. What happened?” And he just manages to choke out “It’s Jared, it’s…. he,” but he can’t get the words out because he keeps being interrupted by his own sobs. And now Heidi is really worried because what happened with Jared? Is he ok? “He…” Evan can’t continue because he just lets out this choked cry and breaks into even harder sobs. Which causes Heidi to promptly pull him close again.

Evan is just, exhausted. Like, he was so tense and upset after the fight with Jared, and then THAT happened, and he’s been doing his best to not completely fall apart so he could explain what happened to the paramedics, but it’s just all so much, and all he wants his mum to hold him and tell him everything’s going to be ok.

“He’s hurt,” Evan says finally once his breathing is bit more under control and he can finally speak again. “He…. there was lightning and, and-”

And Heidi’s heart just stops because she suddenly remembers the boy that supposedly got struck by lightning and she does not like where this is going.

Jared’s mostly ok physically. He’s got some really nasty burns and he’s in a lot of pain, plus the strike was super loud so he’s got some bad tinnitus, but nothing that really needs monitoring. So he’s only in the hospital for a couple of days.

However, the thing with lightning strikes is it can do a lot of weird neurological damage that scientists and doctors don’t really understand yet. So a lot of survivors suffer from things like personality changes, mood swings, memory loss and chronic pain.

So in terms of symptoms for Jared he struggles with chronic pain. It’s not like a low-level constant pain, it’s more episodes where he’s in extreme pain for a short period of time and then it fades away again. He got struck on his shoulder, so the pain flares up on his shoulder and down his arm on that side of his body.

His burns take a while to heal, and whilst his tinnitus gets much better it’s always there to an extent. He’s also got some issues with fatigue, it’s not terrible but he definitely gets tired more easily than he used to.

Jared doesn’t really have any issues with like, personality changes or anything, but the whole experience was pretty tramautic, so his mental health definitely isn’t great right now.

Obviously, Jared’s pretty fucking terrified of thunderstorms now. He pretty much just refuses to leave his house if there’s a storm.

One time he’s driving himself and Evan home from school and it starts raining and he just – refuses to leave the car. There’s not even thunder but the sky is dark and it’s raining pretty heavily and Evan’s all like “It’s ok, come on. It’s two metres. Just take my hand and we’ll run inside together ok?” And poor Jared is having a panic attack, just gasping for air, and he’s shaking his head and saying “I can’t.”

And Evan kinda tries a couple more suggestions to coax him inside, because like they literally just have to walk from the driveway to Evan’s front door. There is a 0% chance that anything would happen in the 5 seconds it would take to get inside, and there isn’t even any thunder, it’s just raining heavily.

Eventually he gives up and they just sit in the car together waiting for the storm to pass. Evan can’t help but think how ironic it is that he’s the one who has to help Jared through his own panic attacks now.

But the main complications Jared struggles with are the cognititve issues. Jared’s always been pretty smart and has done well in school, so he finds it really hard to deal with.

He REALLY struggles with his memory at first. Mainly short-term memory. He’ll do things like make lunch multiple times because he forgot he ate already. He struggles with reading and writing and keeps tripping over his sentences. It all improves a lot over time, but it never quite gets 100% better.

But yeah, that’s kind of the hardest part for Jared because it’s just frustrating and confusing. It causes him a lot of distress because it makes him feel so stupid.

One time when he’s really struggling with it, maybe whilst trying to do work for school, Jared just breaks down about it because he just feels so frustrated. He ends up crying into Evan’s shoulder and going “I just want to be better”

Evan says nothing, because he’s been doing an obsessive amount of research and the truth is Jared might not ever be “better” again, and he doesn’t want to lie to Jared. Well, he certainly wants to, we all know about Evan’s lying issues lmao. He desperately wants to tell Jared comforting lies like “it’s ok” and “there’s nothing wrong with you” and “of course you’ll get better” but he holds his tongue because he knows he can’t lie to Jared, not about this.

ANYWAY ahahaha, I got a little carried away with this one but I’ve got a LOT of feelings about it. It will end up with kleinsen because I couldn’t resist, so on that note I do have just one last point I HAVE to share 🥺

So a lot of people who get struck by lightning end up with these really kind of beautiful looking scars called Lichtenberg figures. They normally only last a day or two (although I did read about one guy where they lasted like a month) but uhh.... I will be taking some artisitic liberities there lmao because imaging Evan gently tracing over Jared’s scars when they finally get together? Good shit.

#⚡⚡⚡#anyway thank you for indulging me with this one #it's been fun but sad researching for it #also Jared definitely like… tries to make this his Thing #like he’s not coping well so he just pretends it’s actually awesome #he keeps making jokes about being the flash and not even god being able to strike him down lmao #oh boy and if he ever has to do icebreakers? one of those 'tell the class a fun fact about yourself' things?#he's just like everyone else stfu and go home because there is no way in hell you can beat this #but yes lots of soft kleinsen for this one #unfortunately no super speed or lightning powers though lol #deh wips prompt #zoe writes #deh #jared kleinman #kleinsen #evan hansen

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surveys-at-your-service · 6 years ago

Text

Survey #201

“one for all, all for one. we are strong, we are one. we are one nemesis.”

Do you feel pressure to keep your life interesting? It's not interesting at all, so. I'd sure as hell like it to be. At what time in your life were you happiest? If it was in the past, would you want to go back and relive it, though still knowing all the things you know now? Like... early-mid-'17, maybe? That's when my recovering really kicked off. I wouldn't go back. Is there anyone who seems to always be under the influence of something when you see them or talk to them? Does it bug you? No. Have you ever found the blog of someone you knew in real life, but not very well? How did it change your opinions on them? No. Then again I've never tried to. What is something you are incredibly behind on? Politics. I'm more importantly (to me, lmao) half a year behind on Good Mythical Morning, believe that or not. I don't watch TV anymore so don't really care, but I'm massive seasons behind on Supernatural. What’s the last allergic reaction you had? Shit, right now with this seasonal business. I've been congested for weeks. What does it mean when you start eating less? What does it mean when you start eating more? If I eat less than usual, it'll always relate to weight loss, I assure you. I've worked to greatly improve on the latter, however; eating more generally means I'm extremely depressed. Or bored, but I've got enough discipline by now to not eat if I'm not hungry. Is there anything you feel the need to organize by chart? No. What’s your opinion on mid-day naps? Go for it, it's good for you anyway. When’s the last time you spontaneously made plans? With who/to do what? Who knows; I don't have people to spontaneously make plans with. What’s the strangest named pet you’ve ever had? Probably Harry Potter the guinea pig. Or the fact I had a Chinese water dragon, green lizards, named Shadow. Okay look he was my second pet and I was little. What are some defense mechanisms you find yourself using when in an argument with someone? It's very likely I'll try to be totally factual and short without true thought as a fear reaction of losing the person, while on the inside I can be in a total panic attack. Do you know if there is anyone who was once important to you that you will never talk to again, even though you could? I absolutely will not speak to my former best friend unless completely necessary for whatever reason. Do you and your boyfriend or girlfriend fight a lot? Not at all. Have your parents ever told you that you couldn’t hang out with a certain someone? No. Have you ever cleaned up someone else’s vomit? I. Absolutely. NEVER will. I will absolutely hurl. Does your boyfriend or girlfriend get mad/jealous when you talk about the opposite sex? Nope. What was the last R-rated movie you watched? Halloween, I believe. Have you ever painted a car? No. Are there any gnomes in your yard? No. I've never understood the appeal of them at all... Do you have a funny last name? Does anyone make fun of it? No. Are the blankets that are on your bed now made by someone you know in life? No. Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? No. Have you ever met someone in person that you met online? Sara! There're others I hope to one day, too. Have you got any half or step siblings? Four halves, one step. Do you like kids’ movies? Not tiny kids (like, Barney and such type of things), but "kid movies" like Disney and such, hell yeah. Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere? No. If you have younger siblings, how old were you when your siblings were born? I was just over two years old. Do you sometimes use your music player to help you fall asleep? No. I did that in... I think middle school and some of high school, though. I have NO idea how I used to be able to do that. The last time you burned your tongue or mouth, what were you eating? I'm not sure. Are there a lot of trees in your yard? Not in the yard, no. There's a good number just beyond our fence, though. What was the high and low temperature where you live today? Phone says 31*F and 50*F. Have you ever made ice cream out of snow? Snow cream, yeah. That's a common southern treat when it actually snows. What’s the coldest you remember ever walking outside in? Maybe single digits? What’s your least favorite color? Puke green. Or maybe bright yellow (pastel is pretty). …and your favorite? Pink. What’s your second favorite color? Maroon or burgundy. How many pairs of gloves do you wear in the winter? Usually zero. What’s one thing that most people complain about that you love? COLD WEATHER. What do you remember the most about recess at school when you were a kid? Oh boy... when my meerkat obsession began, I unintentionally started a trend of digging "burrows" with others in the sandbox. Our nails by the time we were done, holy shit. I LOVED doing it. What color are your kitchen chairs? A mess of beige hues with floral stuff on it, I think? I just know they're hideous and we all hate them. I don't really pay any attention to what the cushions really look like, though. Have you ever dated anybody online? *points to Sara* Do you listen to instrumental bands such as Hammock, Trentemoller, etc.? Nah. Were you ever a 'secret admirer’ before? No. Ever stalked someone? No. Do you poke a lot of people on Facebook? Is this even a thing still? But I didn't, no. What was even the point. What’s the farthest you’ve ever been from home? Illinois. Have you ever been close to getting kidnapped? Oh um no. Never seen this one on a survey before. Do you have any eating disorders? No, thank god. Do you plan on getting married? I hope so. What is one of the saddest novels you’ve ever read in your lifetime? First thing that came to mind was The Giver. I'm sure there's others on par with or sadder than it, but it's just the first that came to me. Orbit or 5 gum? I think I prefer 5? Ever had a friend online for a long time without seeing a photo of them? Many. The last time you threw up, what caused it? An ex-med I was on that had a strong side-effect of vomiting. Quit that. Did you have any foreign exchange students at your high school? Maybe? Idk. Any foods from other countries you would like to try but haven’t yet? I'm sure there's something somewhere, but nothing that comes to mind. Do you think the world would be more peaceful without any religion? I think that's fact... I'm not saying religion itself is bad, no, but I think everyone can agree there'd be more peace without it. Have you kept the same icon here for a long time? Yeah; I don't take nearly enough pictures to have a new one, though I wanna change it because WOW do I look like a bitch. Why did you choose your icon, anyway? I thought the picture itself was decent, and it let my inner goth pop out a bit. If only I had the wardrobe and dedication. Any fun facts (on any topic) you’d like to share? Well here's your meerkat one: Meerkats are the second-most social animals on Earth, falling just behind naked mole rats. Does it hurt your feelings when people talk shit about things you love? "Hurt my feelings" isn't the right word; I feel embarrassed. Do you like it when people give you nicknames? Yeah, actually. Even just calling me "Britt" makes me feel like we're closer or something. More personal ones though, I really like. When you make friends, are you usually the one to "make the first move"? Definitely not. What fandoms are you in? Like, A LOT, but actively, Markiplier, a few other YouTubers, Silent Hill, Shadow of the Colossus, World of Warcraft, and meerkats. Maybe more, idk. I lose count. I would say Spyro, but I'm totally uninvolved in some areas of it, like Skylanders. Are there any fandoms you used to be in, but left? I wouldn't say left, just lost a considerable amount of interest, like Good Mythical Morning and PewDiePie. Used to watch every day, and now both are seldom. Do you more often feel superior or inferior to others? Inferior. Do you prefer ruffly or regular potato chips? Ruffled, definitely. Can you do any impressions? Not of a specific person. Do you carry pepper spray? Have you ever had to use it? No. Best thing to do during a power outage? Play a horror game as my laptop's battery dies lmao. At night, anyway. During the day, idk. Has your power ever gone out for more than a day? I don't believe so. When was the last time you had a headache? What about stomachache? Headache, I believe once when Sara was here early this month. Stomachache, not that long ago. Which one of your classes goes by the slowest? N/A The last time you walked somewhere, who were you with? Probably at Sara's down the path. Maybe something later, but idr. Where is your second home? Sara's is the second house I'm most comfortable in besides my own. Or maybe Dad's, idk. What did you last have a conversation with one of your siblings about? Idr. Do you have the person you hate the most on Facebook? No. How many times did you clean out your text inbox today? I don't clean it out. Well, I have once or twice while trying to make space on my phone. What’s something you would do drunk but never do sober? I have a feeling I'd be way more open than I'd like. Have you ever had a night that’s been hands down the best night of your life? If so, describe what happened? I'm not sure. What time do your parents normally get home from work? Dad, idk. I don't live with him. Mom, it varies greatly, but typically 8:30ish. Is family the most important thing in your life? If not, what is? My definition of family (only includes people who I feel are emotionally family), yes. Or my mental health. Is writing something that you enjoy doing? Ha ha obviously. —would you rather read or write? Write. Would you rather draw or take photographs? Take photos. Do you prefer black and white or color photographs? Why? I can't pick a side; changes in color can seriously alter the emotions of the shot, making neither superior to the other imo. Both are beautiful, some moreso than others, depending on the composition. What was the last thoughtless thing you did? I'm not sure. What is one movie you’ve seen, but few others have? A lot of "idk" in this one. Off the top of my head, the kids movie Napoleon wasn't popular in America, I think? —how about a movie you haven’t seen, but many others have? The entire Harry Potter series. What is something you do subconsciously? Play with my lip ring. Who was the last person to toy with your emotions? *shrugs* When was the last time you cheated at something? I have no clue. what’s the most money you’ve received from the ‘tooth fairy’? I think $5? Describe the main problem with your last relationship? I didn't like him in that way. When was the last time you debated with someone? Some time ago with Sara about a political view. And mind you it was a friendly debate, not an argument as apparently all are nowadays. What cartoon/anime character can you most relate to? There's too many characters to think through. Do you have any pictures of celebs saved to your computer? Leave me and my Mark icons-in-the-making alone. Do you have your own personal water jug? If so, where did you buy it? No. How do you get rid of your hiccups? Nothing works for me. When you sneeze, do you sneeze into your hand or the inside of your elbow? Elbow. What actor/actress do you find weird? Lol I'm not to judge there. What’s your ultimate favorite bagel? Just a normal one with a moderate amount of cream cheese. Do you have a blister anywhere on your body? No. Do you get manicures/pedicures regularly? I never do. When was the last time you saw the person you had your first kiss with? February '17. What was the most severe punishment your parents gave you when you were growing up? She'd spank me and/or say I was grounded for a week, which always only lasted like a couple days or so. What’s something you’re really bad at compared to others? Like, any kind of math. Who is the person you are the closest to? (emotionally, not physically) Mom or Sara in different ways. What are some odd habits you have relating to food/eating? I'm picky as fuck with texture. I'm particular with food in general. Last furry thing you touched: My kitty. <3 What do you check out first when you check someone out? I've never really paid attention... I mean, it probably depends on the person, what catches my attention most? Have you ever kissed someone in a band? No. Would you raise your children like your parents raised you? In some ways, in other ways no. Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? No. Are you donating your organs? Yup. Did your mom or dad ever put soap in your mouth? No, but Mom threatened it. Have you ever dated someone with more piercings than you? No. Who was the last person you spent more than 15 minutes on the phone with? My dad. Have you been swimming in the last six months? How long ago was the beach trip... idr. Maybe. What hair color looks best on you and what’s your natural color? From what I've had so far, I love red on me. My natural color is brown. What is your favorite show to watch? That '70s Show is something you can always put on and I'll pay attention. Like, I'm never /not/ in the mood to watch it if I have to watch TV for whatever reason. Do you wear necklaces? Rarely. Do you blush easily? Yup. ;-; Are you an artist/writer? Not professionally, but I do both. Are you in love? If so, does the one you love know? Yes and yes. Are your maternal/parental instincts strong? With kids, not at all. At all. Instead, I have them big time in serious, romantic relationships; I have the biggest "PROTECT PROTECT TAKE CARE FOR THEM AND PROTECT AT ALL COSTS" instinct. ACTUAL mama bear. Is there someone in your life whose career/life choices you find immoral/unethical? Have you ever told that person your views? Do you find it difficult to support them (emotionally or otherwise) because of their choices? Does anyone not have this kind of person in their life? Anyway, I've maybe said so casually and gently where it was relevant, but I'm not positive. Of course it's hard to support them, and sometimes I simply can't, ex. with my former best friend. What trait do you feel you lack that you wish you possessed? INDEPENDENCE. I'm borderline on the diagnoses of dependent personality disorder with how I have a very difficult time making my own choices and doing lots of things on my own; it's a serious problem with my mom, and I worry how I'll be when I no longer live with her, really. Like, she still schedules my appointments, makes some serious phone calls I'm scared doing myself (but sometimes she can't with me being an adult), she handles just... a lot. Have you ever considered writing your memoirs? No. Do you find it difficult to stay invested in online relationships? Not at all, romantic or platonic! My online buds mean just as much, some even more, than my "real life" ones. Are you the type of person who pays close attention to the release dates of movies, music, etc., and will, for example, go see a movie or buy an album on the date it is released? If so, when is the last time you did so? Not on a lot, but for things I'm really hyped for, particularly games and music, yeah. For the second part of the question, yes. I did that for WoW's Warlords of Draenor expansion, and maybe Legion? Idr tho because I was nervous asking my mom. I also think I mighta seen the Warcraft movie the day it came out, but I'm also uncertain. Have you ever been in trouble for illegally downloading something? No. Do you have any stickers on your laptop? No. Would you rather have a job for which you had to go in early in the morning or one you had to stay late into the evening at? Early, defs. Whenever I work, I'm certainly aiming for a morning shift. Get it over with, and plus, I'm in a better mood in the mornings, so it'd be easier to get work done; plus, getting out of the house is a good way for me to come home and actually feel like I got my dose of social interaction for the day, so now I can enjoy the rest of the day. Is there someone who seems to only reach out to you when they want something from you? No; I don't tolerate that shit. Do movies often make you cry? What kind of films/scenes make you tear up most? Yeah. Tragic romantic things get me easily, and seeing someone die and another character lose it over their death kills me. Happy reunions are tear-jerkers, too. I would probably still cry at the end of Homeward Bound. How did your expectations of the last book you read compare to your thoughts after reading it? What about your expectations of the last movie you watched? The original Alice In Wonderland was a book I was surprised to be that short, and it wasn't really as "out there" as I'd expected. I still enjoyed it, though. Last movie... that was Elf. I didn't anticipate it being as damn cute and funny as it was. Do you use any apps to track your health or medications? Just to track my period. Whose opinions/recommendations do you value most? Sara's. If you could’ve been at any historical event, which would you have liked to witness firsthand? Perhaps the first Thanksgiving? OH, but I would without a doubt choose the extinction of the dinosaurs if I was somehow entirely protected. That had to be, sad as it is, visually incredible. Is there something that you really want to do but are afraid of doing? If so, why are you afraid of doing it? Rollercoasters; I'm terrified of vomiting, however, and also fainting with how I handle dizziness. What is something society “expects” you to do that you don’t want to do and/or don’t plan on doing? Don't expect me to dress up all fancy going to an expensive restaurant or something. I'm going to eat, I'm not worried about my damn clothing. But more than anything, I absolutely refuse to let a job hold me back from getting tatted or pierced. I'm perfectly aware that really slims down my options, but I sincerely couldn't care less. I'm not bending to one of the most ludicrous expectations I know of. Are you interested in architecture? Is there any particular style that you’re drawn to? Yeah! I ADORE gothic especially, and Roman, too. What’s the most stalker-like/creepy thing you’ve ever done? If you don’t think you’ve done anything like that, what’s the most stalker-like thing someone’s done to you? Lol I should really have an answer for this, considering the breakup... I don't believe I did anything "stalker-ish," maybe not even creepy, just rude and nosy. Sorry for trying (but thankfully failing) to hack your Facebook to see if you were talking to a girl some time early into the breakup, Jason. ;_; Reeeaaally regret that. What is something you can only understand if you’ve experienced it first hand? Pure heartbreak. It is absolutely, utterly agonizing. Are you more of an open person or a private person when it comes to talking about personal things? (Relationships, your sex life, finances, etc.) It depends on the subject, but usually, I am very private, particularly irl. I'm more open online by a long shot. Do you agree or disagree with the saying “If two former lovers can remain friends, either they were never in love, or still are.”? Why or why not? That's bullshit. People change, and you can lose romantic interest. What’s a part of yourself, physically, that you’re unhappy with? (Hair, face, skin, body part, etc.) Is it something you’re able to change or something you’re stuck with? Uh, pretty much everything because of weight? I can change that and am trying so hard to, but I've been at a stagnant weight for over a damn year, and I can't even begin to wonder how. It dropped like flies in '17. Do you think it’s a double standard that a woman can hit a man and expect to get away with it, but if a man hits a woman it’s assault? DOUBLE. FUCKING. STANDARD. Fight the hell back to protect yourself. In terms of a wedding, put these things in order from what would be MOST important to be perfect, to LEAST important… Engagement ring, dress, hair, venue, ceremony, food, pictures, decorations, honeymoon. Ceremony, pictures, honeymoon, dress, venue, hair, ring or decorations, food. Do you have a go-to small talk conversation topic? Asking how they've been. Does anyone owe you money? Do you owe anyone money? (Besides credit cards) No. Well, I owe my previous college money, anyway. Even though I shouldn't, so Mom's trying to take legal action with that and their shitty communication. If someone was going to buy you any practical gift (anything except a house or car), what would you choose? A sum of money for a big 'ole tattoo, boys. Is there a quote that’s helped you through hard times or really stuck with you? What is it? "You're perfectly flawed" from an Otep song. I have that tattooed for a reason. Then there's countless ones from my partial hospitalization, but "Deal with life, or life deals with you" particularly will stick out to me probably forever. There's loads more. What’s something practical and useful “real world” things that should be taught in high school aside from the basics like English, math, science, etc.? CHRIST, why the FUCK do we not have classes teaching us how to handle the adult life with things like finances. What are some things that a person or couple could do that would show they’re insecure about themselves or their relationship? More than anything probably, go through their phone. ACTUALLY fuck off. Do you have sympathy for people who die as a result of their own actions? (Example: someone doesn’t wear a helmet when they ride their motorcycle and they get in an accident and die.) Well of course; a human being still died, and maybe it's even sadder when it was in their own hands. It's disappointing, but you should of course feel sympathy. What’s your favorite old Disney movie and favorite new Disney movie? Old, The Lion King. New, there's SO many to choose from, so I can't give a certain answer, but possibly Coco. I adored that movie. Name something “trendy” or popular that you dislike. I don't pay attention to what's trendy, really. Idk. Oh wait, is that "Kiki Do You Love Me?" or whatever that trash is called still around? There’s a quote that says “Anyone who gave you confidence, you owe them a lot.” Is there a person who YOU can thank for your confidence? Hm... I'm not sure about this quote. But anyway, I don't even have confidence to begin with. “Dirty talk” in the bedroom…love it, like it, don’t care, dislike it, or hate it? Usually like, particularly if we're being extremely passionate. I'm suuuuper shy delivering it, though. Hell, I get flustered hearing it towards me sometimes, too. What is/are your favorite type(s) of ethnic food, and what’s your favorite food within that type? American. Favorite... I think cheeseburgers. Would you be more hurt by your significant other having a long drawn out emotional affair but never having sex with that person OR a long drawn out physical affair where it was just lots of sex and no (or few) emotions attached? The first, my reasoning being for them to be emotionally invested in another person says more about how much they "love" me versus the latter option. I dunno... the second is awful, too. Tough question to answer. Say one positive thing and one negative thing about your boss (or any other authority figure). I'll pick my mom. Positive: Her support is never-ending. Negative: She's "always right." How would you describe your relationship with your hair over the years? I've grown more and more comfortable with it as I've grown bolder with cutting it. How do you practice truly living in the moment? I'm bad at this... Do you think most abusers know they’re being abusive? Probably, especially if it's physical. How do you feel about your SO daily/regularly checking up on a couple of his exes on social media? That'd be pretty suspicious, but then again, I can't really talk? One of my best friends/my ex is still a very good friend of mine, and we talk every now and again with no romantic interest (at least on my end; idk if he still like-likes me). That being said, I don't know how I'd feel, especially if it was daily. I do know I'd be less anxious if our relationship was strong and steady. What perfume of yours does your SO love on you? She doesn't like perfume, and I almost never wear it anyway. Have you made any (at least semi-) permanent alterations to your appearance? If so, how did you find the experience and do you regret it? Tattoos, there's a visible hole where my first lip ring was, and the holes in my left earlobe have been seriously stretched (it goes to literally the bottom of my lobe) from heavy earrings for a long time. No clue how the right side is totally fine. Anyway, the only tattoo I regret is my "ohana" one, as it doesn't really suit me; I don't give a damn if you're blood, I choose my "real" family, but even then, people change. I know I'll get it covered at some point; right now I'm considering a bat tat on my chest with its wings expanded at some point, and it may conceal it, but it's not high on my to-do list. I love my "how rare and beautiful it is to exist," although I wish I'd made a more unique design of it instead of stealing it from Pinterest... ha ha. I don't want tattoos others have; I want mine to stand out. I also wish I'd chosen an even more professional artist to do my Markiplier piece, but I plan on going to a better parlor when I can afford it to get my vision "right." It's probably the most important tattoo I'll ever have, so I want it perfect in my eyes. My artist didn't do bad, not at all, it just came out with a less convincing-galaxy background. It'll be an easy fix with the right artist. Onto the lip ring, I regret deliberately wanting it slightly to the left and not dead-center through my lip. I have no idea why I wanted it there? You can still see the faint hole when I pull my lips back, which I hate. Lastly, I just HATE the appearance of stretched-out earlobes. I don't even wear earrings anymore with how they look like there's about to just fall off. Women with disabilities/anxiety/depression/other mental health issues/chronic illnesses, how do you get it across to your SO/friends that sometimes you just can’t do something? Why specifically women? But anyway, sometimes it's just impossible. I don't think anyone can really "get it" until you have a breakdown/accident or whatever in front of them. Do you prefer your guy to wear cologne or not? I like the smell of light cologne. Ladies, how important is it to you that your SO wears/would wear a wedding ring? I suppose it'd be concerning if they just didn't want to, but like if it doesn't fit or anything, of course don't try to wear it. What was the turning point that led you to decide for or against having children? First, I took a look at my mental health and capabilities and chose I would NOT be a good, healthy mother able to raise them. Also, aforementioned maternal instinct lacking. As well, I don't want to invest years into a person that might just wind up hating me. And super importantly, my alone time is extremely important, and thaaat's pretty impossible with kids. They're expensive. Peace and quiet, bye. Pressure to ensure they grow up to be a good, independent person. Yeah, there's lots of reasons I can confidently say no, I don't want kids. How do you feel about men who preface statements on non-gendered things with “as a guy”? *shrugs* It depends, I guess. Does anyone else just HAVE to wear pajamas/lounge clothes when you’re at home? I live in my pjs. Is having your “dream” wedding really that important to have? No. What would your reaction be if your SO wanted the opposite type of wedding than you did? Just compromise. Who says things have to match a theme. What kind if body type do you find attractive and unattractive (for your preferred sex)? Let's get this straight first: I don't care about appearances. But of course, that doesn't mean I don't have preferences. For girls, I'm really attracted to curvy women at a healthy weight. Men, I like just a tad bit muscular, but noooot very much. How do you feel about strangers approaching you with compliments? I'm flattered, but I will definitely get anxious, especially if it's a man. I'm more terrified than anxious if they do that. Do you consider it cheating if your SO goes to a strip club and then doesn’t tell you? Hm, not really cheating. I'd be preeeetty unhappy if my s/o did that and kept it a secret, but I'm not quite sure how I'd react to knowing they went to a strip club. I think most likely I'd just feel like I wasn't enough and cry. Maybe I'd be fine with it if they asked me beforehand how I felt and I had their word they wouldn't "do anything." Like it's simple fact that you can be in a relationship and still find others attractive, so I guess if you just wanna go out for once and I feel you're genuine when telling me you'll behave, it's not too big a deal? But I'm still not sure. Would you be more offended if your man cheated on you with a guy or a girl? I'll just pretend you said "your partner." Both would upset the hell out of me, but I think doing it with the opposite gender would most hurt me, especially because you're taking a risk of someone getting pregnant. Is there something you are afraid, embarrassed, or ashamed to tell someone? That I love/play World of Warcraft, lmao. Admitting I'm an RPer would be even worse. DON'T ask what my worst weight was. The Joel thing. There's probably loads more. Are you struggling in any way right now? Oh, of course. When was the last time you made a REALLY stupid decision? Oh boy. Really bad... HA, actually, probably this one time I drank a milkshake too fast, and my stomach still hasn't forgiven me. Do you put candy canes on your Christmas tree? Sometimes. Have you ever written/drawn/painted random stuff on your bedroom wall? No. What do you currently hear? "Professional Griefers" by deadmau5 ft. Gerard Way. What’s your favorite flavor of Doritos? Cool ranch. Who was the last person to hold your hand? Sara. Do you have any clothing with animal print on it? No. Have you ever seen a hippo in person? I don't believe we have any at our zoo, no. What’s something you do too much? Sit here. In the bed. On my laptop. Fun. How often do you have nightmares? Rarely. What was the last thing you downloaded on your computer? A game on Steam. I can't remember which. Honestly, are you spoiled? I don't think so, at least not much. Is there anyone’s laugh that makes you laugh when you hear it? Mark's. Have you ever parked in a handicapped spot when you weren’t supposed to? I will lose all respect for you if you pull that shit. Do you have a tan yet? It's winter, and I don't tan anyway. Have you ever been told you have a bad attitude? I think my grandmother did once on the same occasion she called me a bitch. Do you make other people laugh often? I don't think so, no. What are some things you want out of life? Satisfaction with all I've done and experienced, more than anything. Do you feel bored with your life? Boy, do I. Who’s someone you miss that you haven’t talked to in years? Megan. Do you miss anyone who was mean to you in the past? No. What’s the most weight you’ve ever gained from a medication? No. No. No. Nope. Not answering. Stay the actual fuck away from Abilify. How do you get through hard times? Talking with/venting to Sara and/or Mom, watch my favorite YouTubers, listen to (usually relatable) music, and just remind myself if I survived '16, I can persist through just about anything. Rarely, I draw some vent art. Have you ever been suicidal? Yes. Do you pray? If yes, to whom? No. I don't believe it has any power, even with me believing in some kind of ultimate creator. What do you miss about high school? Friends. What do you miss the most about college? I was in a very bad mental state through both attempts, so I miss nothing. Did you like high school? I've hated school since I was in pre-k, dude. Have you ever been the victim of a crime? I don't think so? Is your life worse than you could have ever have imagined it to be? or is it better, or just what you expected? Worse. I mean it's not awful, but I expected muuuuch more by this point... What was the last good book you read about? Arthas' rise to the Lich King, and it hurt me okay I still wanna press charges against Christie Golden. What’s the last great song you discovered? "Natural Born Sinner" by In This Moment. Do you feel free to post how you feel on Facebook? Nope. I pretty much never post about myself because I'm too afraid of saying something stupid "in front of" all the people I call friends. AvPD is a blessing. What is the most beautiful landscape you have ever seen? Mountains. Who were your favorite celebrities as a child? Steve Irwin was everything to me. I also loved Jesse McCartney and the Backstreet Boys. Oh, Jeff Corwin, too. What do you miss the most about your past? No mental illnesses. .-. Do you like getting older? At my current age, I don't really care... What hard thing are you going through right now, if applicable? The biggest thing currently is practically being chained to my house. I'm home alone almost everyday and usually all day, so day after day I'm just. Sitting here in this house by myself. Even as an introvert, it's gotten to a serious severity of loneliness and maddening boredom. I'm just gonna stop here before answering this any further ruins my day. Do you prefer slow songs or fast songs? Generally, more towards the fast side. Have you made any progress toward going after your dreams? Yeah, just teeny-tiny baby steps, sadly. What color is your trash can? Like, the big one you put on the side of the road for the dumpster? Dark green. What color is your dresser? Brown. Do you own a computer? If yes, is it a desktop or laptop? Yeah; laptop. How old were you when you first got a cell phone? I dunno, maybe the start of middle school? Do you like pineapple on pizza? You are a certified psychopath if you think that tastes good. No. What medication or drug has given you the worst withdrawals? I'm not sure. I've been on waaaaaaay too goddamn many to remember.

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