#and then i have to go in on friday where theres so many ppl coming in WWWEEEEHHHH…..

[seaquestions]

AAUODUFHHEOEOUUGHH……… exploding…!!! why are there so many problems today!!!

[despiteherself]

Maurice for the character ask?

anon literally love u for sending in Maurice, like….. i don’t think I’ve ever done any serious maurice chats that aren’t just about kj. i mean a bunch of this probably is gonna be abt kJ but still!

* favorite thing about them

I feel like I keep saying complexity but I really like that he is given so many layers. The fact that he is sensitive and that’s it’s not seen as a huge massive joke all the time - and that there’s an entire episode where julien tries to apologise for making a joke of it. That the teasing and jokes about his sensitivity become nice, and appreciative. I like how he acts all cool-headed and chill but then is absolutely prone to panicking dnkskskskksksisk but he’s still brave even when he’s literally paralysed with fear! Maurice is so fun, and he’s got a lot of love to give and it’s so fun to watch him learn how to share it.

* least favorite thing about them

I get that it’s just a plot joke for a kids show with very limited continuity but like… I kind of get tired of him not believing in kj. like it gets to a point where theres tonnes of good ideas that kj has, or like…. they just need a little moderation (which is his job!!!!) like does he have to keep acting kj is a moron who's never had a good idea in his life.

* favorite line

Hmmm this one is hard. I like all the references to spring break and the woman i forgot her name, and also when he’s being sarcastic but probably when he’s about to drop down the pit in exiled and tells kj he cares & believes in him and that he’s so proud of who kj’s become (I forget the exact words but that’s the vibe) like……. Ahhhhhhhhh

also the bromance song <3 that’s fun

* brOTP

I mean???? pretty much everyone within obv his found family (royal quartet <3), and his sister, but also like Xixi and hector and stuff. Maybe also pancho & Andy like sjsksokskdjdid he has to deal with royal shit and they’re both getting caught all the time so he’s like “sigh, guys, more paperwork” and they become friends. Plus Maurice & the rats …… come on!!! King Joey and Maurice friendship for us all

also I like skipper & Maurice bffs, Marlene & Maurice. OH BEST FRIEND TRIO <3

plus Maurice & the zoosters is such a fun dynamic!! he gets to talk with them on another level. Plus!!! Maurice and the chimps, we deserved more of that (I forget if he talks to them much in tpom?)

* OTP

I don’t rlly ship him with anyone

* nOTP

i wouldn’t say this is a notp completely, bc i understand the continuity is all over the place and i guess why ppl would like it, but i don’t rlly like jumo that much bc to me he’s literally kj’s mother figure. like they l i t e r a l l y have him take kj’s mum’s place when kj is realising he just needs his found family & not his birth parent’s approval. there’s SO MUCH symbolism and referring to maurice (& clover) as julien’s family, so much emphasis on being family it’s like…. makes me 😬 also i think there’s an unbalanced power dynamic which makes me 😬 too.

* random headcanon

I think Maurice should have an acid jazz band that plays Friday nights at the rat kingdom or something. Oh!!!! Wait…… his sister’s bar right??????????? Where he was Bricky sjdjosnsujdidowkakise I forgot. Anyway I think he should go have fun and keep the Bricky persona and have some aye-aye friends and idk a crocodile who play jazz together.

* unpopular opinion

are there Maurice unpopular opinions??? Hm maybe I don’t think tpom Maurice hates tpom kj & in fact he goes out of his way to do nice things for him. He’s often much meaner in words, but he still cares for kj!!!

I think the baby patch cannon is fun and I love what that brings to the table for maurice’s character, but in my heart he will always be like 10–15 yrs kj’s senior

[allinyoumendes]

does this sound like a sex cult/trafficking to you??

ok so this is gonna be a long one so strap in and get ready. also I didn't proofread this so if it doesn't make sense, srry.

im currently trying to decipher if I was about to get wrangled into a sex cult or not and I need some input. so basically theres this “church” thing that I have been going to for a while. they say they've been doing it for 8 years now but no one has really heard of it up until a couple years ago. so this place is ran by a bunch of 30 something year olds, but the people attending are young adults from like 16-25. they play like club music and everyone just dances and has a good time for like 45 minutes. then theres a sermon (which is basically the same message every week), and then we all head outside and talk. they are really adamant about getting your name and social media and taking pics w you. like complete strangers asking for your number and shit. ALL of them do it. theres like an inner circle of some of the older kids that go around doing this. so one night I got there and everyone was there but we were just talking the whole time. I asked what was going on and they said they were moving locations bc “so many more people started coming”. they told us it would be back up and running the next week. that was in February and they just had their first event TWO weeks ago. however one of them slipped up to me and said they (the inner ppl) had still been meeting every Friday. so when I got there we have to park in a lot that was pretty far away from the actual building. they have to get someone on a golf cart to take you to the new location from the parking lot its so far away. we stood outside for a whole hour before they let us go inside. and when we got in get this... ITS A FUCKING BAR. and not even 1/4 of the size of the old place. the “main” guys instantly took their shirts off and started grabbing girls and grinding on them. without asking. I was instants uncomfortable. then one of the main dude comes up to me while the thong song is on, grabs my thighs and asks “are you wearing a thong?”........... fucking excuse you? and at the end, the youth minster guy that does the sermons who has his shirt off and says “ ladies if you need someone to talk to, us guys are here. if you need money, if you need a car, if you need a house, we’ll make that happen for you. if you want to be a model or actress we’ll get you set up with the best of the best.” there wasn't a sermon there was nothing about jesus, just a bunch of sweaty boys and poorly executed twerking. oh and they would pull girls on the stage and make them dance and grind in front of everyone and im just like... wtf is going on? they get the main girls to text the other girls like every week asking how they are and what they're doing, and like where the work and shit. I left out a ton of stuff so this wouldn't be a fucking novel, and maybe im reading too much into this. but I just get a rlly bad vide from it all.

[call-of-quileutes-blog]

ive had a couple glasses of wine and i was tagged by @washington-wolves and @masochisticlion whom fthought i wouldn’t do this  but HA HERE I AM BITCH

last

1. drink - chardonnay  2. phone call - alex  3. text message - abigail  4. song you listened to - I guess thats why they call it the blues by elton john  5. time you cried - sunday bc i met my now 6 day old niece and shes so tiny and im lov her

ever

6. dated someone twice - technically-ish (very short lived both the first and second time) 7. kissed someone and regretted it - ya lol 8. been cheated on - not to my knowledge ???? 9. lost someone special - ya 10. been depressed - ya 11. gotten drunk and thrown up - thats !!!! the !!!! only !!!! sport !!!! im !!!! good !!! at !!!!!!

fave colors

12. marigold 13. forest green 14. any and all shades of pink 

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends - yes!! my lovely lil angel bb abigain !!! @masochisticlion for clearification !! 16. fallen out of love - if you consider like “teenage love” to be love then ye ?? 17. laughed until you cried - to where tears have brimmed but not actually like..........cryin  18. found out someone was talking about you - listen my boss talks shit on ALL OF US LIKE SORRY I GENUINELY LIKE SMASH MOUTH, JULIE 19. met someone who changed you - yes! in good and bad ways !!! im a horrible person thank u for coming to my TED tak!!! 20. found out who your friends are - kind of. theres still a couple on the fence 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - ya !!! at least 10 at most 17 (mostly bc i was drunk and i really love my friends)

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - probs like 98% lol maybe closer to 95% but who’s keeping count 23. do you have any pets - i have 3 cats !!!! and i love them all !!! 24. do you want to change your name - at this point in my life it doesnt even matter anymore does it 25. what did you do for your last birthday - we have a tradition where we always have my b day at my friend Pbone’s house and they got me a taco pinata and set up a margarita bar and i love them so much ????? 26. what time did you wake up today - 6:30ish bc there was a bunch of shit for me to do at work this AM so i decided to be an actual adult for once and wake up early and go in early to get a head start lol 27. what were you doing at midnight last night -drinking some tea and reading Graveyard Shift articles on FB to put me to sleep lol 28. what is something you can’t wait for - this friday ???? a new job???? not being poor???? my bf to become a millionaire????? 30. what are you listening to right now - die die die y the avett brothers 31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - at least one !!! i actually think i have a cousin named tom 32. something thats getting on your nerves - well the fire alarm just started going off, so that fer sher 33. most visited website - probs tumblr lol 34. hair color - brown 35. long or short hair - i probably have the shortest hair in the twilight fandom ! 36. do you have a crush on someone - alex ! i love him ! and still have a crush on him !! even after (almost) 5 years together !!!  37. what do you like about yourself - my ability to throw hands or my sense of direction

i accidentally deleted 38 lol 39. blood type - who eveen fuckin knows thei blood typ e my dude 40. nicknames - lace, lace-face 41. relationship status - basically married but without he tax benefits 42. zodiac - virgo (leo cusp) 43. pronouns - she/her 44. fave tv shows - Arrow, The Flash, Parks & Rec, The 70′s Show  45. tattoos - i have 2 and thet’re horrible !!! 46. right or left handed - right 47. ever had surgery - YES MANY TIMES**** i accidentally skipped this one and had to come back to edit lol 48. piercings - none rn ! but i used to have my ears, both nostrils, my smiley, and belly button pierced  49. sport -  wats a sport 53. drinking - listen. i love alcohol.  54. i’m about to watch - probs that 70′s show 56. want - @masochisticlion !!! THE!!!!! LOVE!!!! OF !!!!! MY !!!! LIFE!!!!! 57. get married - maybe???? im torturing my mom by not getting married bc she wants me to so badly lmao 58. career - I’ve been thinking abt embalming school !!!

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - a nice, firm handshake for me, pal 60. lips or eyes - probs lips i guess???? 61. shorter or taller - shoerter???? 62. older or younger - it doesnt matter????? 63. nice arms or stomach - i really dont care??????? i dont see ppl for their physical forms ?????? unlesss their lizard ppl ???? 64. hookup or relationship - nether i really wanna die a,one i only keep alex around bc homeboi can cook (im kidding im lov him relashonship) 65. troublemaker or hesitant - my mans is a lil bit of both so imma go with voth lol

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - yes!!!!  67. drank hard liquor - yes 68. lost glasses - YESSSSSSSSSSSSS 69. turned someone down - homeless men, yes lmoa 70. sex on first date - i think me and alex did it before we even went on a date LMAO  71. broken someones heart - ok so kind of  but no really lol 72. had your heart broken - of course!! im so sensitive !!! my heart gets broken every day !!!! 73. been arrested - yes lol 74. cried when someone died - yes !! 75. fallen for a friend - like a got crushes on lotsa friends but like it wasnt that serious lol

do you believe in

76. yourself - ya!!!!! im the best !!! 77. miracles - possibly? 78. love at first sight - i mean.....maybe???? 79. santa claus - wait whut 80. kiss on a first date - sure

81. angels - sure 

other

82. best friend’s name - Abby ! and Phe and Lauren lol 83. eye color - a nice hickory  84. fave movie - detroit rock city !! 85. fave actor - keabu reeves

ok so imma tag ............... @aphroangel @lapushwerewolves @boysoflapush and uhhhhh im too lazy to tag mor eppl lol

[tattooyeol]

Ok so so this is based on a conversation I had with my fiance so it obviously doesn't it apply to every young man, but anyway here goes

So when we're all in like middle school and high school we see our friends every single day and we get used to these friendships that don't need a lot of upkeep. We automatically stay in touch bc we're in the same classroom Monday thru Friday and we go to each other's houses and hang out after school bc it's easy to make playdates when you're together like seven hours every day

Fast forward a few years and we all stop going to school in regular way - some get jobs, some go to college. Suddenly we don't just automatically see our friends every day and we have to actually make an effort to stay in touch. And it's way more accepted in society for girls to like, reach out? Nobody thinks twice about girls texting each other to go out for coffee or w/e but for shitty reasons, a lot of guys don't feel like they can do that, even if they wanted to. I'm not saying deep friendships are a "girls only" thing, but it is probably often easier for girls to share emotions, thoughts and stuff bc we're "allowed" that kind of weakness by society.

So they start to lose a lot of their old friends and unless they're lucky, they might not be finding any new ones either. So some guys have a few years where they're just lonely. Meanwhile the rest of us transition from those highschool kinda friendships to "adult" friendships. By this i mean theres a level of intentionality - we don't automatically see each other every day in school, so we know we have to be intentional about reaching out if we want the friendship to last/solidify. And we learn that we don't have to see each other every day bc we're all busy adults. Like how many of us have this friend we swear is our best friend but we only see each other like once a month bc we're both just busy? It becomes friendships based on quality over quantity.

So then these guys get their jobs and wives or whatever. But they missed those few years of transition so they're stuck in a highschool mentality when it comes to connecting with ppl. They haven't learned about the intentionality and the quality over quantity. They don't know how to reach out to their friends, maybe even because they don't realize that they need to. After all, they didn't need to in highschool. And even if they DO have friends that genuinly care about them, those might not have the time to hang out more than once or twice a month. And for these guys it just doesn't feel like enough because they're used to their best friend being someone they saw every day in school and then three days a week they'd hang out after school or smth.

So they're stuck with this lingering feeling that they aren't connecting with people like they used to because they have an inability to reach out, paired with an unreachable standard for what friendship is supposed to look like bc their idea of friendship is based on what they had when they were 14 and nobody was too busy to hang out every day after school

And idk i just think that sounds lonely

It must honestly feel so lonely to be a guy in his twenties

[wheredoistart91-blog]

Where do i start pt.1

Where do i start.. theres so many events in my life that i cant really say where it all began. All i know is it came to me losing my mind and having scary thoughts of self harm and suicide, as much i didnt want it to go that far its slowly creeping up. lately ive been not feeling myself, everytime i look in the mirror i dont even know who is looking back.

thats a scary thought already, when you cant even recognize yourself. it makes the day start off like shit, and you think it will get better it doesnt it gets worse. threw out the day i feel so numb and if its not numb its anger and fusteration.

I catch myself zoning out alot with events that have pasted, and running the situation in my head over and over wondering why i didnt do it one way or why i didnt say what i really wanted to say. when things happen weather its bad or good, i never do or say what i really wanted too it literally doesnt come to me till after or days after. Then it comes up again months after and i run it threw my head over and over again. Alot of ppl might be going threw what im going threw, well somethings that ive been going threw. like i said i have alot of shit that i dont know where to start and how i got here.

My feelings feel scattered, sometimes i think i have a bi-polar disorder. Its crazy how your emotions can switch with out warning. Sometimes triggers happen but i dont know what triggers me, and i feel bad for my friends and family who have to deal with me being like this.

Before they found out about my outburst, i guess you would call it. i was very good at hiding it all, no one would have ever known what ive been dealing with. i would be the fun party girl and crazy friend who goofs around and says silly things. But what they didnt know is that i was screaming inside.... i was smiling when i was hurting, i was laughing when i was crying, i said i was okie when i wasnt. i did that cause i didnt want to be the talked about one. i didnt want a label on me, or have everyone feel sorry for me cause i dont know how to deal with my shit. So i just push it all aside and help everyone else before helping my self. One of the best things that helped was drinking all the time, it took a lot off of me, made me feel good. Which sounds really bad but whatever helped helped.

By now your probably wondering why i didnt get help or talk to someone, well that fact is if you couldnt tell by now. I hate talking about my feelings and serious things, cause like i said i dont like it when people feel sorry for me.

Recently i broke down and i still have no reason why. So many reasons come up but i cant tell you which one it would be. One night i was drinking and got drunk, when i came home i was alone in my basement with scary thoughts of myself saying "cut","just do it", "it will feel good". Then obvisouly being drunk and having fucked up emotions, i cut myself... i used a push pin and started to slash my wrist, at the time it felt good. The pain was a release, its a scary and fucked up pleasure. i saw my self doing it and couldnt stop, i wouldnt stop.. at first it was just to feel, then the thought of if it, if it had  went too deep i would be okie with it.

i snapped out of it and started to realize that i fucked up, there was so much blood on my wrist, hands and on my bedroom floor. i started to cry and breathing heavily, i was freaking out. I called my brother girlfriend because i didnt know how else to call that i could trust at the time. She talked me threw everything, which started to calm me down i cleaned up my mess and went to bed.

I woke up the next morning, feeling like nothing happened. Feeling like it was just another drunkin night. A week went by and i was feeling normal, feeling like i was okie for once. Friday... drinking once again drinking after work, losing my control with drinking cause it usally ease some pain.  Me and some friends were at the bar taking shots like its no tomorrow, ended up at my brothers house contiuned to drink there, cause you know why not.. it was going okie well i thought it was. I was drinking Nudes which are in a can, so again my voice in my head kept telling me "cut","just do it", "it will feel good". So me being at my weakest i listened, i broke off the metal peice on top of the can. went to the bathroom and started to slowly re cut my cuts and it did feel good.. i threw the piece of can away and went on drinking some more.

we sat around the table listenin to music and talking. From there all i remember is my brother standing up in a panic yelling at me " what the hell are you doing".

Thats when i.. i guess you can say snapped back, i had once again ripped off a peice of the can and cut my finger open.. there was blood and yelling and talking... i paniced and freaked out, couldnt stop crying and holding anything in.. my dad was there, step mom, all my brothers, then all of a sudden my mom came. I was freaking out cause i didnt realize i was cutting myself, that shit can give you some trama.. everyone one by one was talking to me and i couldnt really hear, there was to much going on in my head and around me.. my brother came and was talking to me calming me down, then all of a sudden paramedics came in.. I started to freak out again and losing control.. they took me to the hospital, the mental heath section.

that moment i was becoming someone i wasnt able to control. i sat there the whole night,slowly starting to feel like im slowly losing myself ..

which leads to right now.. Now my whole family knows everything about how i cope with myself, how my mental health hasnt been doing good. A part of me wants things to go back to when i was hiding everything, the other part wants help.. Then theres the dark side that seems to be slowly taking over, im slipt in to so many feelings and thoughts..

Where do i start....

- JAC91

[unsolvedbfsarchive-blog]

OK STORY OF MY WILD DAY OF THE HIPPO CAMPUS CONCERT

very very long and under this read more also skip to the middle if u only care abt the part w the band lol

ok, so originally my friends from college joya and eden were going to go with me but eden backed out at the last minute bc she had too much work to do this weekend so it was just joya and me which was fine. anyway, friday, we got to my house, made some cookies. then the day of the concert we went into portland early to go to sizzle pie and powells which was fun. now, i was filled w anxiety the entire day bc everything abt the day is stressful. like, i have to drive us to portland, get in line at a good time, worry abt food and water and get a good spot in the venue n idk it just gives me a lot of anxiety. on the way to portland, i missed a turn on the freeway and had to go this roundabout way that took way longer than it should have so thats example 1 of my incompetence. so i was already frazzled from that. but we finally get into portland and we have to go park in this garage bc theres no street parking ofc. then im a complete idiot trying to figure out the ticket thing at the entrance and this lady has to shout out of her car from behind me “you have to pull up to get the ticket” and im like wow “im so sorry!” so i finally ufghhg. anyway we finally park, i put the ticket in my window. we go to sizzle pie and powells its chill. then at like 4:00 i was like ok we should probably go start headin over to wonder ballroom (which is where the concert is). so we go back to the garage, i drive to the exit, roll down my window, and then realize my ticket has disappeared and is probably inside my fucking door. so im like freaking the fuck out bc without the ticket i cant fucking leave the garage. so joya and i get out and try to look for it to see if it had fallen on the ground when i opened the door. no luck. this nice lady in her car asks whats wrong and i started fucking crying bc i was so stressed and i was like “i lost my ticket idk what to do” and she was like “oh just go over to the other exit there should be people in the booth u can talk to” so we thanked her and drove to the other exit and thank fucking god there were ppl there and i had to pay $20 instead of the like $7 it would have been if i wasnt completely incompetent. anyway, we finally start driving to wonder ballroom. i take a-fucking-nother wrong turn bc im frazzled n shit but we FINALLY get our asses to wonder and i find a good parking spot and the line is still really short!!! and then i see my high school friends in line right in front of us so we get to hang w them for the hours we’ll be waiting!!! i was so fucking relieved. and from here on out it was a great fucking day we just wait in line for a few hours and like by 6:30ish the line is pretty fuckin huge and we’re like 7 people from the front it was incredible. doors finally open and we get inside and there are ppl who had meet and greet already at the stage which is :/ but we still ended up getting second row bc ppl shifted around before it started so !!! super close. magic city hippies  came on and they were fuckin great i need to listen to them... and then . THEN. hippo campus comes out. the lights are dim,, they’re silhouetted in blue lights,, they sing sun veins so, so beautifully,,, and then transition riGHT into way it goes and god we’re just going crazy. GOD THE SHOW WAS SO GOOD. SO FUCKING GOOD. afterwards, we wait in the merch line for a good half an hour, i get a shirt and a complimentary tote bag. my hs friends were already outside so i go meet up w them and beans (the drummer) is outside signing things n talkin to ppl n everyone is lined up at this chain fence thing. there were so many ppl i didnt get a chance to say hi to beans but THEN jake came out!! and i pushed my way to the front like a motherfucker. i got to talk to him and i got him to write “face toward the halocline” on this itunes gift card lmaooo it was the only blank thing i had in my purse. i think i might get that tattooed in his handwriting!!!! anyway i was between two girls from the hs squad so i was just w them and they did most of the talking to jake i can never think of anything to say but juust being right in from of him was so fucking incredible like. im. blown away im kinda shaking rn just typing this. AND THEN I HUGGED HIM AND I NEVER WANTED TO LET GO! and he said he genuinely loves portland that he always looks forward to it. then security came out and told everyone to move down to the left so jake went wayyy over and then there a lot of ppl n i couldnt rly get  in to take  a selfie w him but i was gonna wait. but then ZACH came out!!!!! and i was one of the first ppl over to him and i got to say hi and got a selfie w him and then idk i was dumb but i waited for a few more ppl to talk to him n get him to sign things and then i asked him for a hug and so ive hugged both of them and i will never be the same !!!! and then i went back over to jake to get a selfie n it took a while but i finally did so now i can die happily wow holy shit i cant believe this happened.. 

[unrrrreliable]

08.06.2021

so much stuff happened

i dont even know where to start lol. actually ive wanted to come on here a few times but i didnt know the password but oh well.

so to summarize all the stuff thats been happening/has happened this past 8 months: 1- school, no friends (in my class), same shit. 2- my dad got drunk on february 5th and got stuck in the fucking park at like 23.00 and my brother and i had to call security to open the gate and then we also had to call the police and the ambulance because he was too drunk and aggressive. and 3- i had this fucking piano competition on march 21st, got the 1 prize which was reaaallly wide as in a lot of people, even those who didnt really deserve it, got it. basically it was really fucking stressfull since i was practicing the wrong way, didnt make huge progress, wanted to stop and cried a lot. but hey its been a month (the 2nd and last part was on may 8th and it went pretty bad because i got like 5th prize. i know i competed against ppl who are in university but i still couldve done better and anyone who comforted me knows that. i also went to the therapist a few times. is it helping? well i cant say that it isnt, but yk. at least its someone i can talk to. 

right now i still have to practice for my piano exam which will be on june 24th. its going fine ig, although i didnt study properly for like a month. thank fuck tests are done bc i seriously couldnt do any more of that shit istg. 

to be fair whats worst in this precise moment is my school situation,. not academic, but social. so as you know, i havent reallyyy tried to be part of the boy group in my class, as in i dont really talk to them, mostly because i just have no idea of what to say to start a conversation so it gets really akward. but today my mom came into my room asking me if there was a cena di classe today and ofc i said no bc no one had invited me. but then i remembered that yesterday a few ppl were organizing something for today. i think it wasnt only the 4 guys but there also were some girls but im not sure. either was, not trying to be dramatic but that kinda hurt lol. like i know i dont talk a lot in class but what would it cost you to invite me. but whatever. i also cried 30 min ago. it felt good afterwards tbh. but i still kinda feel like shit. its just the fact that this whole school year ive been really fucking lonely. not 0 friend lonely, but generally in class i would be kind of a loner. like i only talked to the two girls who sit behind me and who of course have their own friend group, which they have had since middle scjhool. my middle school friend group basically dismantled since two of theme are in one class and therefeore formed their own group, two others went to another school and another one, which is basically the only one i talk to daily, is in a different school. and honestly we dont go out that much anymore because i stopped writing. i realized that i was the only one who would ever call them so i felt that i was being kinda clingy or maybe i just didnt get the message. anyways, i know that i couldve tried harder and actually get in the group but idk, i just didnt care. obviously it sucked to be alone and i knew why i was and what i had to do in order not to be it anymore, but idk why i just didnt try enough. so yeah this school year sucked ass. at least im changing classes next year. 

one of the reasons why i didnt really bond w them is that were just different people who have different tastes and interests. they talk a lot about video games and football, which i have no understanding of. generally every interaction i have with them is really akward. but still i feel like and know that i couldve tried harder. what sucked is that all my friends are in other classses and formed their own friend groups and are just moving on yk? it kinda tore apart the friend group but im happy for them. meanwhile i was stuck in that class. not many friends tbh, never went out and still never go out. wow nice im crying again. 

tbh what really sucked was going home at lunch or after school alone and seeing wveryone with their own friend groups. and yes again, i know that i could have waited for them or just tried to conversate with them, but whenever i waited for them or tried to catch up they just walked faster (not on purpose) but it was impossible to even squeeze myself in so i was just like whatever. also what really sucks is that they (plus another guy who literally is always hanging out with his girlfriend) are the only guys in my class. and i cant only hang out with girls cause yk.

i also miserably attempted to form a group which consisted of me g g v and v. it failed because g and g started getting all bitchy and viscious and i was like ok then fuck off. plus theyre always w their boy/girlfriend, and v is always w g. and i literaly have never even had a conversation with v. 

but im so glad m exists. shes one of my best friends. i really like being around her, talking to her, i like the way she just lives life and is up to anything. also she’s always there. i just love her so much. not in a romantic way though. i also really like f but she hangs out with her boyfriend every satuday, which was the day we used to hang out. i still love talking to her and being with her. those are basically roughly the only two people i hang out with. like i cant really think of anyone else except for my old middle school friend group with which the last time we all hung up was in march. 3 months ago. i hung out w a, in the middle of april i think. but that was it. so of course we dont hang out regularly. also, i havent gone out for the entirety of may, which again i know is my fault, like i couldve asked anyone in my class. the boys dont really go out tho, bc i know e only hangs out w his out-of-our-class friends. and tbh i feel like if the 4 of them went out he would invite me (questionable?). but idk. but again, i really like hanging out w her, acc we went to milan on friday. it was really nice. we both enjoyed it a lot. theres still something i wanna say about her but my mom is calling me so i have to wipe out my tears haha

see ya