#i feel like everyone's been tagged to do this so lol
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I'm usually a Vezmancer, but this time I decided to try all the routes and Laz...my my my what do we have here? I love the Oracle being this morose, hissing wet cat to him, hitting him with the "Why are you doing this I'm doomed to die sooner or later, stop it, let me die in solitude" is just marvelous (I'm a sucker for that sort of thing). (I also love being able to just pick whoever without worrying about always picking that RO in other scenes).
I truly hope at some point we get to circle back to the loneliness conversation (for added angst maybe after Laz fs up and get to hit them with the "should've stayed lonely I guess" and idk turn invisible or into a bird/butterfly so they can't/won't look at us and fly off).
I do have a question, mostly because I can't remember what the warnings were prior to this chapter, but just how dark can we make the story? Cause I noticed that every time the Oracle starts to go dark, they immediately bounce back. Like with Argellan (apologies if that's not how it's spelled, I don't remember assholes' names out of disrespect lol jk I'm just terrible with spelling) they almost start to cry and then just don't. Or they feel helpless and then just get determined even if most options I pick are the passive/I deserve this and "oh well guess I'll die" options. I'm not complaining, mind, I get going down the major depression path is not something everyone wants to do nor is comfortable doing, and that's 1000% ok. Your story, I'm just here for the ride.
I'm mostly curious given the warnings on if those tags are for the other characters? Or if it depends on our sanity or if it can get darker later? To set my expectations if you will. No need for spoilers and if it makes you uncomfortable/upset apologies, please don't feel the need to answer.
Regardless I look forward to confusing all the ROs with my pessimism and chaos.
Iâm glad you enjoyed Lazâs route! Thank you for sharing your thoughts đ
I understand you might want more âdepressingâ options, but itâs just not the direction I planned for this main character. They can end up in a pretty bad situation if their sanity falls, but overall, their potential tragedy is in misinterpreting what they need to become happy.
The Oracle is someone who wants a better life. Itâs at the heart of their character. Every decision they have been making their whole life is pushed by this desire. They might be doomed, but theyâre not going down quietly. They will force themselves to get up even when the situation is bleak, and that was the point of that momentâto show that they donât allow anyone/anything to beat them down easily. They never have, and thatâs why theyâre still alive and trying to not just live, but live well.
Their developing arc isnât âI want to live love laughâ vs âIâll die so everythingâs meaninglessâ, itâs more like âIâll become a better person against all odds and find my placeâ vs âIâll take what I want by any means necessarily even if it makes me miserableâ. Thatâs as much as I can say without spoilering things.
So yeah, theyâre not staying in the gutter. Weâre actually at the point in the story where they begin to pick themselves up and take control of their life.
For the warningsâitâs mostly for what the Oracle encounters, though some of it will apply to them if you go down a particular path. Letâs just say⊠they might end up in a worse situation than theyâre in now, you know? đ Perhaps you'll enjoy that route! :)
#the abyssal song#asks#spoilers#kinda#oracle#interactive fiction#interactive game#interactive novel#twine wip
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My Personal Headcanon On Why Amy's Love For Sonic Died Down Lately (and their dynamic)
When they were younger, Amy's love for Sonic was pretty extreme, and Sonic was, understandable, uncomfortable for the most part. He knows she means well, but that girl needs to calm down.
She can fight, but sometimes her hammer could only stun her enemies for a while. (It took her a long time to get rid of that robot that has been chasing her around Station Square.) She wasn't fully independent yet, even if she fought on her own a couple of times.
She often follows Sonic and his friends around. She is part of the team, but she was not a strong as she is now at the time yet.
She admires Sonic. A LOT. And Sonic knows that. Obviously, he could only run away from something like that, since he is NOT ready for that kind of thing, and whether Amy takes the hint or stop, she still loves him.
...BUT, I think things were slightly starting to change between her and Sonic after Lost World.
Remember this line?
You remember that? Okay, okay. Here's another totally unrelated question:
Before the events of Lost World, when was the last time Amy said "I love you" to Sonic out loud?
...YEP. đ (Unless I'm missing something, let me know lmao)
As more games and adventures come out, the characters get slightly older, and Amy is 12 to 13 now, and she is most certainly at that age where her body starts to change, but especially on how she views Sonic.
She knows she loves Sonic, but it was this moment during her change where she actually wanted to admit that she loves him.
I believe that Amy was all about sharing her affection to him not through confessions, but through obvious hints. Sonic totally got it, and there was no need to confess. Sonic knows she loves her.
...But she never said it. And she almost did, but she never did again for a while.
I think this was the moment in her life where, oh, God, she actually loves Sonic. SHE LOVES HIM, WHAT.
And she was looking back at all the times she had with Sonic that she can now see were unpleasant to Sonic (At least that's what she thinks) and that's probably why she isn't so expressive about her love to him than how she used to back then.
She wasn't sure what to do with this realization, and sets aside it for a while, and nearly stayed as her casual, peppy self... until the Eggman War happened.
During the 6 months of being with the Resistance, fighting Eggman's army all day and all night, all she can think of was Sonic.
She dreams that he still with not just her, but with her friends. She just wanted to see Sonic again, she just wants to be with her hero again.
But I'd like to think that she was also thinking about how she used to treat Sonic back when they were younger, how Sonic would almost always run away from her whenever she asks him out, or always look so uncomfortable whenever she gets so close to him.
Cringing at those memories big time, she wanted to change and hopefully when Sonic is okay and comes back, she can be better for him.
...Or will he still find her uncomfortable regardless? Would he even be happy to see her at all if he did survive?
But, hold on! She can't just give up her love for Sonic! He made her who she is today! A peppy, nature-loving, hammer-swinging, confident, brave... loud-mouth... annoying... Sonic obsessed... weak... pathetic... lonely little girl.
If she gives up on Sonic, it'll be like she gave up on the one hedgehog who saved her life. If she didn't she'll still be the same ol' Amy.
I also like to think she had parents a long while before she met Sonic, and was even expecting a little sister, but a robot invasion happened from where she was and attacked her parents and instead of trying to save them, after getting hurt, she ran away, hoping that they'll come back okay. But they never did.
She was all alone, and needed someone, a friend, a new family, someone who will hold her hand, anyone, to be there for her. But she was ignored by lots, and at that point, she's better off by herself, but still longed for company.
Eventually though, her tarot cards told her her future hero, and there might be hope after all. She encountered Sonic, held onto the belief of the cards tight, and the rest is history.
So, with that headcanon in mind, not only did Amy loose her parents that she didn't save because of her cowardliness (she was only so little at the time that happened) and also Sonic, who she thought will be her only hope, but now gone.
She doesn't even care if he did come back, he'd probably hate her now after everything she did to him, always talking about their "future wedding" or forcing him to go to Twinkle Park.
For the last few months of the war, it was nothing but Amy mentally beating herself up for either refusing to change or moving on, and they are both not fine choices.
She loves Sonic, but he does not love her, and she finally, finally realized it. And it's probably for the best if no body loved her at all.
But of course Sonic did survive and all of her worries wash away in an instant, she's just not expressive about her love for Sonic AT ALL now, since she's still worried about it but rather not mention it to Sonic because it doesn't matter.
If Sonic doesn't love her, then her feelings don't matter to him, and according to Amy herself, that is okay.
But also, I'd like to think that Sonic was thinking about his friends a lot up in the Death Egg for the past months, sometimes it's Tails (worried for his safety), sometimes it's Shadow (because he's wondering why he would join Eggman.) At some point, for a few days, Amy was in his mind the longest, and he felt bad about how he thought he was rude and pushy to her.
He wondered if she's not thinking about it too much, and if she is, will she give up on him? Yeah, he doesn't feel the same and still not looking for a relationship, but it's so strange but interesting how anyone could ever like someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. Amy was never afraid to show that, and she probably might be now.
He couldn't help but feel guilty. They were kids when she was like this, but he was so... arrogant at the time too. Not a lot happened at the time yet. He'd always have trouble expressing how much he value his friends, until he shattered the Paradox Prism. (I'd like to think Prime took place before Forces. It makes sense.)
She is such a sweet girl, and he probably made her believe that he didn't care for her. Just because he doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean he hates her at all.
He wished he never ran away from Amy... Worrying for his little bro and wishing to be a good person for Amy was when Sonic cried in the Death Egg for the first and only time.
Frontiers, in my opinion, is kind of confirming their dynamic now. Sonic is a lot more sincere and kinder to Amy and she is not all hyperactive and lovey to Sonic. There is probably a real reason for this now.
They are both hiding their feelings from them, and they are both unaware of this. Amy, hiding her mental issues from Sonic, and Sonic, hiding his guilt away from Amy.
None of those things are important now. Sonic is with Amy and Amy is with Sonic. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
They don't care if they'll ever be something more when they get older. None of that matters anymore. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
Maybe someday they'll both talk about it, but for now, the present is important. They care about each other too much to think about it right now.
It's the kind of love that is unbreakable. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It's just love. Love is important for everyone, in any form. It's something Sonic and his friends need. And especially Sonic and Amy.
Amy Rose is the living embodiment of love, and without her, a lot would go downhill for Sonic and co. Heck, if it weren't for her, Shadow wouldn't have never remembered Maria's promise, which lead him to save the world with Sonic, before he temporarily disappeared from their lives for a while.
She is always there to lend a helping hand for anybody, even bad guys like Metal Sonic, and despite what she had been through, both in Forces and headcanon wise, she still fights back, even without her hammer.
She will pick you back up on your feet, reminding you that you are important and that you are loved, and that you should never give up. It's pretty much the words of encouragement she herself needed also...
She is still the happy, hyper, butt-kicking hedgehog we all know and love, but she still need someone to pick her back up on her feet after so long. Thankfully, she has her friends and her blue hero. The hero who made her who she is today.
I think Amy has no idea how important she thought she is, but Sonic does. Sonic knows fully well how important she is to a lot of people. It's about time he returns the favor to her. It's his turn to remind her how much a lot of people love her.
How much he loves her.
And I feel like The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was the moment where their dynamic really shined, but also the starting point of their relationship not only healing, but also the next chapter of what's to come for them.
Everyone, friends old and new, gathered around for a special birthday. A birthday for the confident, unshakable, and radiant Amy Rose.
It was such a special moment in Amy's life. After years of chasing and following the people she look up to, she is part of the team, but most importantly, she is part of the family.
She is fully realized as someone more than just a fangirl, but someone strong, courageous, creative, kind and a big inspiration for others.
I feel like this moment here...
-is where Amy is eternally grateful to call her friends her family. A family she thought she'll never have again. She's not alone anymore, and as long as they're by her side, she'll never will be again.
Her chasing days are over. She's finally caught up to them. She's finally home.
And it's all thanks to Sonic.
If it weren't for him, she'd probably be alone forever. Her past moments with Sonic might be embarrassing to look back on for a while, but they are good memories regardless, because they involve him.
Sonic saved her life in more ways than one, and despite everything, he's grateful to have her too.
He cares about her. He really does... And in her eyes, that all she needed to know. As long as Sonic loves her in his own way, she'll be happy.
Amy hasn't given up on Sonic. As long as Amy always supports him, he'll be happy.
Maybe sometime in the future, they can talk about their problems, but that's a story for another time. At this point, they need to. Right now, they are happy. They are okay.
They are here for each other. They are finally better for each other now.
"You guys won't ever leave me, right?"
"Wouldn't dream of it."
#piko rambles#sonic the hedgehog#amy rose#Meant to be platonic but I don't care if you tag as ship lol#I've been meaning to post something like this for the longest time now but never really got into posting it-#-because you guys REALLY hate seeing these two together for some reason.#Well not for SOME reason. There are valid reasons why you don't ship them. Everyone has valid reason why they don't ship this or that.#But sometimes those reasons can just sound so petty to me. Like the reason why is because Amy is a stalker or Sonic hates her which is FALS#Also those age gap arguments are understandable but so goddamn annoying sometimes. Maybe when they hit their late teens or early twenties-#then they can be together if they want to. Besides a good percentage of Sonic ships are better off if they waited til they're old enough im#I love them regardless of whether they're just friends or an awkward older cringe fail couple lmao#But them being just friends and hiding away all their emotions towards each other just to keep them safe and happy with them- đđđ#Son/adow is my favorite ship of all time and sonamy is my favorite childhood ship/platonic ship because they both have one thing in common.#ANGST đ#I've been thinking about Sonic and Amy's dynamic as of late and MAN-#Mixed with some personal headcanons of mine and their dynamic as of late just makes me so emotional.#Sonic and Amy have gotten so close now and it's so sweet but so heartbreaking at the same time when you think about it.#I'm so happy they are getting along better and being there for each other but there is so much to dissect here. So much to think about.#I might be a little silly but Amy losing her parents and being alone for so long and being the reason why she's always hanging onto Sonic-#-explains SOOOOOOOOO much about her. At least that's my headcanon for WHY that is.#Amy with abandonment issues speaks to me on a personal level. I'm always afraid of being forgotten or left behind by my family.#I sometimes feel like I'm not good enough no matter how hard I try. I do not blame Amy. I relate to her a lot. It's one of the many reasons#-why Amy is my favorite character besides Sonic and Shadow.#She fights hard to prove she's a valuable member of the team and hates getting left behind but despite all that she wasn't afraid to-#-express herself and her love for people. But after the Eggman War there was some changes that made her less expressive about her love.#Yeah she still loves Sonic but she doesn't admit it because none of that matters anymore and she thought that not being loved by Sonic#-is better than being loved since she nearly wasted her life loving someone who she thought has constantly bothered. đ„Č#But I think after TMoStH I think she'll be less afraid of being expressive about it. She and Sonic are just so caring for each other đ#I love these two way too much that when I think about them for too long I'll start SOBBING đđ I'M EVEN SOBBING RIGHT NOW LMAO
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another painting
#because i have no self control lmao#kÀÀrijÀ#jere pöyhönen#digital art#this was surprisingly fun to paint#i usually prefer working in black and white because it's easier for me#but this one was fine lol#also#i just wanted to say#thank you to everyone who leaves nice comments in the tags of my posts#i read all of them and seriously i appreciate this so much you have no idea#i've been absolutely miserable recently#and reading all the nice things you guys wrote#really made me feel better#so yeah... thank you!#(i do appreciate all likes and reblogs btw and i don't want anyone to feel pressured into leaving a comment or smth)#(i just really had to say thanks lol)
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Sometimes I try to write down thoughts about this campaign but I admittedly have not been paying enough attention to feel confident in my character analysis so I write an incoherent text post and then delete it because I don't know if I'm actually making the correct judgments.
#cr spoilers#in the tags#so i'm going to rant in here instead if you keep reading past this you can't get mad at me#anyway i want to talk about ashton#and how they would have been absolutely intolerable in c1 or c2#where every character was invested in saving the world#for one reason or another#and c3 is just like#orym is the only one talking sense and everyone else is just like 'well maybe?'#but matt also said something about being ready for exandria to shift drastically based on their chocie#and if matt weren't ready for exandria to change ashton would be harder to watch than they are now#idk taliesin does quite often play around with hypocrisy with his characters so i'm not really surprised#by ashton claiming to stand up for the little person and then going and being willing to blow up their entire world#like they're not actually thinking about the 'little person'#they're thinking about themselves and that's really it#but yeah i do keep waiting for someone to say something that gives ashton that realization#that they can't use their trauma as an excuse to blow up everyone else's lives#idk i'm running out of steam#it's interesting to watch taliesin play around with this#but i've got to say that if they don't make a fucking choice about what they're actually going to do#idk i'm just ready for them ALL to stop waffling#okay now i'm done#i still have a lot of thoughts but i'd have to rewatch the whole campaign to feel confident in my talking points#and that's not going to happen lol
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figured i'd do this again..bit early i guess..
#to cheer me up.. i feel bad atm.. these things don't even make me feel very good tho bc i'm such a narrative/sketch-based artist..#but Proper Beautiful Finished Pieces are what grab attention and look good at the end of the year all neatly lined up lol.....#so looking at a âyearly reviewâ where i can only choose 'the best image of the month' (??) is like...What have i even been doing...#i did a month by month look back on twt for myself instead..but even that doesn't express the quantity of comic-based stuff..#that i do put a lot of time/heart into..but alas i feel bad bringing even them back..RTing/reblogging my own art simply feels bad lol..#AND WHY IS IT ALL B&W...trying to accept that i LIKE doing that and sketching and scribbling..not like i'm trying to like..Get Artist Job..#this year was so profoundly lonely at times bc i spent all my time drawing instead of socialising and trying to find friends....#please please please have achieved more of your dreams in the future so you can look back at 2023 and think..#It was good that happened so that it got me further to the future. Or whatever i guess.....................#regardless i did have a great amount of fun drawing and improving this year and dwelling deeply & heavily on witch hat atelier.#art-wise and emotionally....march july & september were the best months i think..AUGUST WAS SO WEIRD SUMMER IS SO EVIL ALWAYS.#thank you very much if you are reading this for enjoying & leaving nice tags & such like <3 i've realised how fulfilling that is to receive#really keeps me posting stuff here instead of keeping it all to myself in my head#i wish everyone in this world could have a safe and happy end of year. i wish living in this world were easier
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Yaâll NEED to watch this video it explains all of the problems I had with Hazbin Hotel into words fr đđđđ
youtube
#They also have another video they just released but I havenât watched that one yet lol#Sorry this show is just so bad I feel like Iâm in an insane asylum because everyone else constantly talks about how perfect the show is â ïžâ #ALSO IF YOU LIKE HAZBIN AND FOLLOW ME I DO NOT HATE YOU AT ALL DW I JUST HAVE SOME DIFFERENT OPINIONS LMAO#hazbin hotel critical#the critical tag has been ass for a long time now with nickpicky ass takes but I might aswell tag it#And so people that like hazbin can filter this because I donât want to be mean lol#Youtube
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just gonna quietly say here that my patreon went live :) it's fairly bare bones so far as it's mostly my recent art (but with way longer rambling descriptions) and some wips and sketches. And for future art it will be where I post process shots and full .sai files for anyone curious to download. At least some nsfw art I draw in the future will also be patreon exclusive lol if I get any subscribers :o)
Most importantly perhaps I've been wanting to do a commission batch soon (start of May) and pat members would get priority and discount!!
#honk honk clown noise#patreon stuff#<- tag for any future posts concerning this#in terms of comms also. I'll say that again in a post proper when i do open them but any people who asked me for one in the past#and i said id let you know when i open them again#if you are by any chance still interested you DO have priority#i just figured its been several months so it'd be silly to message everyone and like..make them feel pressured to grab a com lol
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me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game
#hi everyone#Iâm going around hugging you all#okay now that we are gathered here today#i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best#i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time#and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. thatâs just a deadly combination lol#but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine#literally became addicted in a sense. still am but Iâve been cut cold turkey from most everything#I get off work and go. okay Iâve done the dishes and the laundryâŠâŠ..I could read or write or bakeâŠ.#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour#then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it#and I made cookies Tuesday so Iâm waiting for those to be gone before baking again#Iâm just so pitiful that I feel BORED and donât know what to do#so I saidâŠ.. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday#yâall âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ.. I canât find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts#I said wow⊠this is boring without my intervention and fake story#I said wowâŠâŠ.. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my#own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#yâall I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents#.. I have little desire to. Iâm trying to find that desire#but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I donât want to do anything by myself#Iâve found myself in one heck of a slump#I didnât want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions#I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well#Iâm still working on it. Iâm still trying to get caught up. Iâm still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling yâall. and I can tell you that sims⊠sims isnât helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it#I didnât mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing#I didnât even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. đ bye love you all. till next time
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inspired by @colap1nto <3 and posting here to hold myself accountable: writevember! attempting to write something every day no matter how much and what it is
i am however inventing stipulations for myself so i cannot weasel my way out of it, which includes a valid definition of âwriteâ:
actively put words into a document in the form of a proper fic!!! too many wip not enough hands!!
poems (actually laughed at me coming up with this but maybe i will go back to my roots)
research/meta/primers
tag stories are permissible IF i actually compile and edit them into a readable document that day
editing to post to ao3 (the optimism) is also valid. it takes me so long
i do have concrete arbitrary deadlines for one and a half fics that i would LOVE to finish and post in november (dewey^2 and [redacted :)]) so iâm hoping this helps!! also, this is secretly just a sticker chart where i get to put down emojis for each fic i worked on and check off boxes but a win is a win
day 1: đȘ»đââŹ
day 2: đđ€ (đ -> đ)
day 3: đ«2ïžâŁ
day 4: đ
day 5: đ«2ïžâŁ
day 6: đ, đ
day 7: đ«2ïžâŁ AND âïžđ§. who is she
day 8: đȘ»đââŹ
day 9: đ«2ïžâŁ
day 10: đ«2ïžâŁ
day 11: đ«2ïžâŁ we are on a STREAK and also a countdown đ«Ą
day 12: đ«2ïžâŁ
day 13: đ«2ïžâŁ
day 14: đŹđ
day 15: đđ€ (đ -> đ)
day 16: đ«2ïžâŁ
day 17: đŽ â«ïž,đ«2ïžâŁ
day 18:đȘ»đââŹ
day 19: đȘ»đââŹ, đđ€ (đ -> đ)
day 20:đ«2ïžâŁ
day 21: đ«2ïžâŁ, đ€« đȘœđ
#liv in the replies#guys are you proud of me. i put everything I would normally yap into the tags in the actual post. hashtag growth#i say continuing to yap into the tags. I donât want to be pessimistic but I AM scared this is occurring during my monthly bout of#productivity and I will face the doldrums and absolute inability to write in 2-4 days lol#also everyone says this next systems course is GARBAGE and terrible and super hard which. okay đ yay đ#I shouldâve put âreply to ao3 commentsâ as a valid form of writing because the comment box terrifies me but itâs FINE#if you have ever commented on my fic I love you with every unspeakable fiber of my being and there is one comment I feel so guilty about#but itâs because every time I think about it I need to go jump around in circles I canât fangirl too hard I also cannot find the WORDS#like even typing this out iâm like. anxious butterfly but itâs because I have so much love in my heart#also i am codifying the emojis to fics for Me sorry because I think itâs fun and iâm being secretive for literally no reason.#everyone tell me to get off of here and work on an actual fic. after I have my nik-induced/enabled 2353 breakdown#we hit day five and yes I DID forcibly make myself not work on a completely different fic. i wannnntttt to finishhhhh đ«^2 2ïžâŁ so badddd#& this is not a game of âwork on a different wip every dayâ even if i could feasibly do thatđ«Ą good news is i rlly think 3 -> 1 1/2 is done?#update 11/10 (technically 11/11 but itâs fine this is how it normally works) if i write like an unhinged person which is to say at all#bc i have midterms but also really like an unhinged person i MIGHT be able to adhere to my self-imposed deadline for đ«2ïžâŁ. god bless me#at 1:30AM yesterday having an absolute breakthrough with a line that has been in some variation in so many different fics including mine
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I wasn't kidding when I said I spent an hour just trying to sketch out the pose for this drawing! Sometimes you just gotta go through like 8 sketch layers to figure out what you're doing.
I also ended up looking at two references--this one from The Pose Archive, which I traced the legs from after struggling for a while to get proportions that looked right, and a photo of myself that I asked my roommate to take so I could figure out what to do with the arms. The process got significantly faster when I remembered I could use references and started working with them.
I think it's good to show some of the behind-the-scenes of your artwork every now and then, both because process is cool and because it removes some of the sheen of "whoa, i could never make that." I know I get discouraged at times by artists who "make it look easy," when really I can't see all the time and hard work that went into making something. I don't want to create that feeling for anyone else!
So, here's a glimpse into how much I struggled to get the pose right, and below is the timelapse where you can see how much I fiddled with the colors until I had something I was happy with. It was probably at least two hours of "i am spending way too much time on this" and "why does this still not look right" before I got to a point where I started thinking, "wow, this looks good." But I got there eventually, and I'm really happy I stuck it out!
#hmm what to tag this#stars wips#i've only used that for writing but it works#art process#i don't wanna be like 'obviously everyone must be comparing themselves to my amazing art' or anything lol#but i've been in that position and it sucks! i still compare myself to lots of artists who probably also feel insecure about their own art!#so it's important to me to stop every now and then and be clear about where I am#in terms of time and effort put in; in terms of materials; in terms of experience and education#so no one is trying to compare themselves to me and feeling that they come up short#when i spent five hours on something and they spent one; or when they're just starting out and i have multiple years of formal art educatio#because that is not a fair comparison! and at least for me it helps to know that#i'm so excited about how well this drawing turned out because i feel like it shows how much growth i've had recently#i do not think i could have made this (to the same level of quality) a year ago#let alone when i was younger and just starting out#anyway. i hope what i'm trying to do & say comes across here#and if you're just here cuz you like watching art timelapses i hope you enjoy it lol
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alex is so real for not realizing he was bi despite the amount of times he was clearly checking out and appreciating other men. it really do be like that.
#rwrb#rwrb spoilers#rei rambles#red white and royal blue#red white and royal blue spoilers#alex claremont diaz#bi tag#it's totally not gay if we both say it's not gay! okay but luna is *objectively* hot everyone says so.#ive been strangely drawn to the tern mag photo of henry throughout my formative years but like. totally in an envy sort of way.#same vibe as that time my cousin said she had a 'girl crush' on amber from fx and i was like 'oh so it IS normal#like. no rei. no it's not.#i feel like a lot of bi awakenings hapoen after hs cuz it's so easy to acknowledge ur straight crushes & explain away ur not-straight ones#but i love how it makes liam make perfect sense lol#alex is like 'liam used to be my best friend but we havent talked in a year' and ur like ??? drama???#turns out he's an ex-not-ex and alex was an extremely dumb boy about what they were doing lmao#poor liam man. unrequited crush on his best friend who thought it was totally straight to canoodle. smh. đđ#im glad he has a boyfriend now
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I know Iâve made other posts talking about or alluding to this but like. obviously there are like the old hollywood movies in the sort of dyke subtext canon (all about eve, rebecca, johnny guitar, etc) but like. there are so many movies that like 10 people have seen but I have such a clear gay vision or interpretation for it. most of them arenât even GOOD. and yet!!
like the great lie is the one that haunts me the most (or the women but I think that one is kind of different for me perhaps bc Iâve already talked about it here a lot or perhaps bc I think of it as being more well known and watched than I think it actually is? actually itâs probably that I think it is an overall good and well executed and entertaining movie which isnât really true of most of these tbh). but I also think a lot about like when ladies meet, or old acquaintance, or sadie mckee, or the shining hour, or the model and the marriage broker, or a womanâs secret, or the bigamist, or craigâs wife, or born to be bad, or separate tables, or even dark victory to a degree. others too certainly those are just the ones that come to mind. for half of these itâs not even like oh these women are gay together itâs just like hey I think sheâs a lesbian. and Iâm right. but my genius will never be fully appreciated in my day unfortunately.
#a womanâs secret has kind of been haunting me since I watched it like a week or so ago in that itâs literally got so many interesting#pieces and facets and I find so much of it very interesting but they just like really donât dig in or come together so itâs enough that#I think about it and not remotely satisfying which Iâm beginning to think is just how I feel about nicholas rayâs stuff. I donât really#have a large sample but like born to be bad is not a movie that I think is good but it has like infected me somehow. which i did and still#do largely attribute to joantaine. but like idk. and also I wanted to like Johnny guitar and obviously thereâs a lot of interesting stuff#in there to dissect it just⊠feels unsatisfying/like it doesnât come together. idk what it is.#also like it is fully sampling bias that across the three I listed as noted subtext and then all the others I listed#thereâs uh. 4 joan crawford movies 4 bette davis movies 3 joan fontaine movies#but itâs still really funny to me lmao⊠I will say how did I not list ANY babs movies⊠that canât be right⊠I mean like night nurse#and ladies they talk about def have some gay moments and like. walk on the wild side exists lmao#but I wouldnât really consider any of those to be consistent with the thing Iâm trying to describe here lol#anyways. I think thatâs enough rambling for now.#old hollywood#my post#also I would happily expand on my vision for any of these lmao. itâs just that I think it generally requires a certain familiarity with the#movie itself and. a lot of these I wouldnât necessarily recommend? not that theyâre all bad just like. not incredible idk#which kind of hinders this a bit. and now like I could give background provide clips etc but then thatâs requiring a level of effort#that Iâm not gonna spontaneously exert while sitting in bed Thinking. which is what this post is lmao. (âthatâs enough rambling for nowâ#I said several tags ago⊠a fact which I could easily change but shanât.)#(edit of prior tags to say that I wrote the tags before mentioning the women in this post bc idk for a moment I lived in a world in which#everyone knew the women was about dykes. so anyways itâs now 5 joan movies 4 joantaine movies#which is neat. the sampling bias is also fun bc like yes 5 joan movies is a lot to mention but Iâve seen like 30 joan movies so.#of course there are other movies of hers where I would be calling her gay but like im less invested. joantaine is a lot funnier to me bc#Iâve only actually seen 7 joantaine movies. and like ok including the bigamist is admittedly wild given that my queer interpretation of it#is like. her and ida lupino who do not so much as meet in the film. but the extent to which I wish they did fuels me)
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what do you think of how marc is adapting to a ducati? I was impressed but then I read dovis quote and I felt like I should have been even more so
it's highly impressive! I don't have that much to say on it... come to think of it, I suppose we don't actually have that many particularly recent examples of people switching to ducati to compare the adaptation period with? they've really mostly been hiring directly from moto2 and promoting internally. the other most recent obvious example is marc's brother and he did have quite an impressive early season last year, which was a good omen in terms of how that switch would work out
the main problem was always going to be how long he'd been riding the honda, how he'd moulded his entire riding style to that bike and how that bike had been moulded to his riding style. and that's what he talked about most early season... the ducati is quite a friendly package overall but it's still one that requires a different approach than the honda in a lot of ways, really only took him... what, three races? to figure it out? that's a lot of years of instinct he was having to undo. I think marc has that level of kind of obscene talent where you kind of run out of things to say. I always believed he'd do this, now he's doing it... you just kind of expect it from him? the biggest surprise is how much extra he's had to get from that bike to keep up with the gp24's, just because that's not really been the pattern these last few years. I don't think the disparity between the two bikes is quite as dramatic as certain gp23 riders are making it look (*coughs* bez *coughs* which clearly is also him not really clicking with that bike rather than just its 'raw pace'), but very clearly it's not as competitive as it was when you compare it to last year's gp23 vs the gp22. so yeah, he adapted to the bike quickly, he's already doing something special with it by putting it in completely different positions than everyone else on that bike
am kind of curious whether the single lap difficulties stick around! marc's average grid position in 2023 was 8.84 vs 7.58 this year, while his average finishing position was 9.72 vs 4.08 (obviously not counting the crashes, which there were rather a lot of especially last year). so the grid position has on average been bumped by only 1.26, versus a whopping 5.64 difference in finish position. obviously, a lot of caveats with reading too much into these numbers, but... does show there's definitely something going on there. y'know, even prime marc was never really a friday merchant and some of his dodgier weekends were kinda 'eh just pull out a quali lap from somewhere and we'll figure something out saturday evening'. idk I do mostly think they'll figure it out, and of course marc's numbers last year were flattered by how obscenely good he got at catching a tow on that honda. do wonder if he'll ever be quite as lethal in quali as he once was - which I don't really mind, makes the races more interesting. we'll see!
#gonna look silly if he sticks it on pole tomorrow#i do struggle to do this kind of prop for any of the aliens because i kinda think we already know they're insanely talented#from my pov one of the least interesting things about them. raw talent really doesn't do much for me unless i already like someone#it feels a bit mean to go 'well yeah i expected this from marc so he really hasn't surprised me' but... i expected this from marc lol#a sanguine attitude that admittedly didn't quite match up with me nervously checking the testing times every ten minutes#but well it's been a long few years for everyone. pls allow me#//#brr brr#batsplat responds#current tag
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Milgrammies! The ever dreaded (at least by me and Haruka-fan friends) birthday tl is in less than 48 hours, Haruka's birthday tl. So
Expand on what you predict may happen in the tags if you want, I'd love to hear your thoughts. I put mine in the tags of the original post but in short, I think he'll talk/be talked to by Mikoto :3c
#personally i have a feeling haruka might talk to mikoto#in the past collabs n stuff haruka is getting paired up with mikoto a LOT at least 2 me#liiike in the aviot collab... he had a line praising mikoto#theyre placed next to each other on the art too#you get me? so i feel like the story might be going somewhere with their dynamic#in which case *CHEERS IN 0109 SIBLINGS ENJOYER*#as for WHAT will happen... i feel like itll be mikoto walking in on harukas attempt#bc haruka was the only one who went out of his way to check on mkt after his guilty verdict even tho everyone was scared of âhimâ#(john but they dont know that)#so i feel like now that mkt is inno and relatively less stressed he might want to check on haruka#and then he finds him dying oopsie...!!!#but yeag#what do u guys think? tell me tell me tell me#if a poll like this was already made#pls let me know and ill delete this post!!!#milgram#haruka sakurai#sakurai haruka#tw suicide#âwhat he would not talk to mkt jay qhat r u talking aboutâ i am biased as the no.1 0109 siblings enjoyer and insane dont mind me#also omfg i can t believe i forgot to mention this earlier iin the tags but. minigram foreshadows some stuff (e.g sys amane) so#haruka has been interacting with shidou and 09 a lot lately in minigrams... so...#im just starving for 0109 siblings content ik lol but but guys see my vision
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Anyways update i just didnt bother to post earlier:
fr God is good and the whole car crash my parents got into last week was so incredibly mild in terms of injuries!!!! worst was a bruised knee im pretty sure
ALSO-
*taps mic* HUG YOUR FREAKING LOVED ONES OR SO HELP ME!!!!!!!
#ALSO DO NOT READ THE TAGS IF YOURE HERE FOR A GOOD TIME!!!!#ENDED UP VENTING AGHHHHH- (<- amongus ref in 2024???? l+ratio) (no but seriously stay safe; im not sure if i should add a cw???)#no but like the cars themselves?#FOLDED-#ive seen photos of worse ones of course lol (ty internet <3)#but weÂŽre all in agreement that if it had hit anywhere else at that speed it wouldve been BAD Bad-#like; severe injury to the leg at least; drivers door wouldve crumpled; thankfully it hit the tire mostly#our car got what seems to be the lesser damage and theyre still debating if it counts as total loss xd#also oh goshhhh#so i usually go and say goodbye to my dad when hes headed to work; i did it that day as usual; car was already halfway out the driveway#my dog also loves to go and she was already in the car#but my mom (taking my dad to work) said sheÂŽd need to stop by the store after dropping dad off; so she handed her back to me#last minute descision-#my dog is a small kinda elderly chihuahua and wouldve been on my momÂŽs lap when they crashed#no seatbelt for her obviously#she wouldve gotten injured so freaking bad if she was there ):#overall feels like we dodged a life altering accident by a hair#i wasnt even in it and im still shook hahaha#i always go say bye to dad if hes leaving for work no matter if im pissed off or sad or whatever#half out of habit; half bc i know anything could happen at any moment and id rather not have been too proud to say goodbye#dammit im crying now hahaha#saying again; everyones fine!!!!! please remember to hug your loved ones !!!!!!#shut up sheo#but oh gosh too many reminders of death as a constant recently#that happened about a week after a cousin died; i hadnt seen him in forever but his family went to our church growing up; he was my age#it was a dull and distant pain even then to hear the news but it still hurt; i didnt go to the funeral#did go to the one a couple days later tho; for a family member i truly didnt know; it was a car crash i think#a special kind of heartbreak from meeting his mom and seeing his kids running around#now that i realize it; as im writing this; i hadnt stopped to process just about anything hahaha#freaking sobbing at 9 in the morning smh!!!!!
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Die Alone Together [Placeholder Name; DRAFT]
A Cult of The Lamb fic (my AU)
There I lay, crouched in the grass, clinging to myself desperately; falling, falling, falling... my mind miles below the soil in which I cowered. The moment I fell to my knees, there became of time this... dissonance, a rift between it and space, and though the ground caught me, I never quite stopped falling- falling away from myself, from this place, and into a memory; miles away from here, years, suspended in an unreachable past and yet frozen in the present. For my dissociation, I could hardly think but one thing:
I was too late.
They're all-
I could scarcely hear myself screaming, nor could I feel the tears stinging my cheeks, nor the burn in my lungs or the ache in my legs from the fighting; my body did not and does not feel like my own. I am not in it. Everything felt distant as I held myself, and as I drew the corpse of one of my own to my chest, I realized how far this place had become from my home.
'They're all dead.'
And I will never get them back.
I don't know how long I laid there for, but I do remember thinking myself damned to the same fate, trapped in the same place; that I'd die there, alongside my brethren, eventually- in some way. I couldn't bring myself to leave them, not even to stand, and had little reason to think anyone would find nor save me. I was alone in the depths of Darkwood, miles away from any living thing- who could possibly hear my crying? I could hardly hear myself, and any person who might would surely, in devotion to the Bishops of the Old Faith, to the Worm, Leshy, end my life.
That is, or so I thought.
There was movement, rustling, in the brush surrounding me, and I was suddenly aware of just how loud I had been mourning, and, consequently, of the fearful silence that followed- but I did not move. I was not frozen in fear, at least not completely, more I was complacent; maybe someone had heard me, and I was going to die here. In a way, I deserved to. Perhaps dying the same way my friends, my found family, had would honor them, perhaps it would free me.
So I stayed. I stayed right where I was, amongst the remains of my community and embracing the body, only turning my head up to look in the direction of the sound, to see my assailant and face them head-on, if only for a moment. I dared not stand nor speak, I just patiently awaited in trepidation whatever fate it'd be to befall me.
It was quiet again for a moment as I stared into the shadowed flora, but then, not only could I hear the crackling of leaves on the forest floor, I could see someone, something, moving towards me. I drew in a sharp, panicked breath despite myself and held it as I watched the cloaked figure step into the clearing and catch sight of me.
I could feel my breath hitch yet again as I made eye contact with what seemed to be a child, at least no older than me, donning the crown of my god, and... not just a child- at that, a lamb?
I knew my face betrayed me; I was never known for my poker face, and despite my position, now was no different. I could not hide my confusion, for it had been years since anyone had seen a lamb. I thought- as we all did- that the Bishops had caused their extinction. The lamb's eyes were dark, stoic- nearly expressionless, if not for the silent and subtle shock at the sight before them; had it been any darker, I would not have noticed. I stared back with exceptional surprise but equal intensity. I did not ask.
Neither did they.
"What is your name?" They spoke softly, their hooves visibly unarmed and reaching towards me in, be it genuine or not, seeming good manner, the bell clasped to their cloak jingling quietly with every step.
"What are you going to do with me?" I diverted; they were a lamb, a living lamb, likely the last of their kind- and better yet, their crown⊠not to mention that they held no weapon that I could see- but even so, after everything I had gone through, and they as well, I could not be certain of their intentions. It was not in my favor to let down my guard, not with such ease.
They blinked slowly, taking another step my way. "Be not afraid, I mean well. Did he," Their smile faltered, no gesture necessary. "do this?"
"...If you mean Leshy, then I suppose. At least, his following. I," I felt my brow furrow as I forced myself to speak through gritted teeth. "was not here to see."
"Ah."
"You didn't answer my question." My voice cracked; for my tears earlier, I could hardly speak. It was only then I realized that I had never let go of the body- and with this realization, instinctively, I pulled it closer to me.
"Nor did you answer mine."
A beat.
"Your name?"
"Oh. My name is..." My hesitance was not to save face, nor to deceive- I could give a false name to âprotectâ myself and hide my identity, but if this lamb were to kill me, pretending would do nothing to lengthen my life, it couldn't truly protect me- rather, I was weighing my options, deciding my fate in the only way I knew I could. To continue as I had, or-
I looked down at the doe clasped to my breast: her eyes, lifeless, and lips slightly parted by her final breath. âFern. My name is Fern," I decided, to honor her, not a lie now that it'd been spoken, but not the truth. If they meant what they said, that they were not here to hurt me, maybe, just maybe, this would be my chance to start anew. I did not turn my head to the lamb again; I let my eyes flutter shut and my head hang low, loosening my grip on the carcass to hold her face in my claws.
â...And yours?"
I could barely choke the last two words out.
"Fern⊠a pretty name!" Their smile, so mellow, in stark contrast to the death around us, struck me- I could not decide whether it was comforting or off putting in the moment. Again, they reached out their hand. "You may call me Lamb.â
This time I did look up; I watched them cautiously, my eyes shifting from their outstretched hoof, which I still refused to take, to their face.
âJust⊠âLambâ?â I thought to myself, but said nothing. The question, I decided, was one likely better left unspoken.
âOkay, Lamb- your turn.â I interjected, changing the subject, or at least trying to, for what time now I had lost count. âWhat do you plan to do with me? Why spare me and not just kill me already?â
âNo one deserves to meet a violent end. You deserve to have a choice in the matter; I can't, however, deny having an ulterior motive,â their smile never faltered as my eyes burned a hole through their own. âWould you rather me kill you, or to run away and hide before I have the chance? Or rather, the most forgiving of your options, would you like-â they adjourned, their eyes glinting wildly, still holding contact with my own. âto join me?â
â...Join⊠you?â
âIt isn't safe in Darkwood- though I needn't tell you that- and it isn't much safer in any other of the Bishopsâ domains. I can offer you shelter; for a price, of course, but a small one. All I ask for is your loyalty, and your devotion- to me, and to my god.â
âYou're asking me⊠to join your religion?â
âOffering, yes. I won't force you. It is your decision, after all- granted, it is the safest, and in my⊠qualified opinion, smartest choice of the three.â
âAnd if I decline?â A face on my behalf, more out of curiosity than defiance.
âAgain, I won't force you. But would you truly rather die, or spend your life running, only to lose it to one of them in the end, than to stand by my side? A side you should, in theory, have no hard time taking?â
Any argument I could have made, not that I had one nor any intention of refusing (because what choice did I really have?), was instantly, with ease, brought to a screeching halt. Their honesty, their sharp words and rightful, righteous confidence shook me thoroughly, to my very core; that last statement, a confirmation of my only suspicion. They didn't ask, but they knew. I said nothing, but they knew, and when the realization of their admittance donned on my features, they were more than aware that I knew, too. It was like telepathy, a secret passed silently between us, fate drawing me in.
âI am tired of running.â
âThen? Iâm giving you an opportunity you can't possibly refuse.â Their expression darkened, their smile, different now- more serious, more grave; the weight of my situation coming back to me once more, and hitting me like a freight train. âTake my hand and join me, join my cult. You will be safe in the commune, and you can take your life back into your own hands.â
And with this- I looked again from their hoof to their twisted smile and somehow, despite the ominous air about them, emanating from the red crown atop their head, I knew that Iâd be safe, or safest, with them- I, reluctant to let go and with a final embrace, laid the doe down in a patch of softer looking grass, and took the Lamb's hand.
#cotl#cotl brainrot#cult of the lamb#fic#my fic#fanfic#cotl fanfic#fanfiction#cult of the lamb fanfic#angst#tw angst#I know it starts off very dramatically and rough but the story flips between angst and hurt/comfort so there will be some glimpses of sun#but for now we are in the trenches my guy#the start is rough but i believe a nice domestic building scene shall come next-#do tell me your thoughts if you like this and want to see/read more!#and if not- feel free to tell me your thoughts nonetheless!#just please put it gently iveneversharedmywritingonlinebeforeandimscared lol#and I promise things do get better lollll#damn the goat character for affecting my AU#grrrr#tw grief#tw depections of grief#grief#tw loss#loss#trying to tag as many tws as I can as to avoid anyone seeing this who doesnt want to <3#angst is my thing but I know it isn't everyone's...#tw death#that should do it?#and do tell me if you think i should post this on AO3 under this name! i do have an account ive just always been too afraid to share my wor
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