#i feel like every hormone i was built to feel for real people just got concentrated towards RE characters
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leon-on-the-froggy-chair · 1 year ago
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Luis' entire existence is threatening my asexuality card
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anti-katsuki-lounge · 11 months ago
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You know, I can’t help but wonder if any of the Bakustans would actually like Bakugo if they’d met a person like him in real life.
Because I’ve met a couple of “Bakugos”. I grew up in one of the most affluent counties in my country- so you can imagine there were more than a couple spoiled rich kids. But the “Bakugos” stood out from apart the rest. You could tell they were never properly held accountable for anything in their entire life. So they believed they had a right to do anything. To anyone. At any time. Especially if that person didn’t fit in for some reason. And there always was this…rage simmering underneath. Some hid it under charm and charisma, some wore it with pride. But it was always there. It was as if they felt that, despite having access to some of the best opportunities this world could provide, the universe still owed them something they weren’t getting. As if their sense of entitlement had grown so big and all-consuming that it had become a colossal black hole inside them, one that could never be filled.
Sound familiar?
And, let me tell you something: that behavior is NOT funny or endearing if you see it up close. At best it’s obnoxious and frustrating. At worse it’s downright terrifying.
I DO see how that attitude might appeal to some young teens. I remember being that age. You’re hormones have just kicked into full gear. You’re angry all the time, sometimes for no apparent reason. Every semi-bad thing feels like a world-ending catastrophe, or a grave injustice. Now, MOST teens move past this phase, mature, and learn to manage their emotions. But, until then, seeing Bakugo rage at people and not get consequences for it, and even seeing him be rewarded by the universe in spite of it….I imagine that would feel validating.
My fear is that some teens will take away from MHA that it’s okay to treat people like shit if you’re unhappy for some reason. And that’s just…no. Whether you’re angry or sad or jealous or insecure or any emotion in between, you are still accountable for your actions. You are still required to treat people decently.
What do you think?
So when it comes to asshole/evil characters and their Stans, there’s two groups. The first one knows that if such a person existed in real life, they’d hate them. Due to the fictional nature of their favorite character, they’re able to enjoy their behavior because it’s fiction. I’m not going to focus on them.
Sadly, I do believe that he would have a lot of followers/Stans. Andrew Tate, Sneako, Keemstar, and the like have platforms built on their toxic manners. People find them appealing, whether it’s due to entertainment or because they genuinely believe the bullshit these guys spread. Katsuki’s got “talent” and people might see Katsuki’s lack of manners as inspirational.
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davekat-sucks · 5 months ago
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I feel like Tumblr and Twitter took completely different paths on nsfw het ended up on almost the same result. Twitter became a soap box for a man who never ran a social media website before making changes on a whim learning by mistake until he got a good result. Tumblr was a small room of staff and bloggers trying to rein in a monster full of teenage hormones and degenerates who immigrated from corners like Newgrounds and Deviantart and the dark corners of Something Awful and 4Chan.
Both websites still ended up with porn bots and political echo chambers with the biggest profiles on the website stealing original content and reposting it to a larger audience. The difference between the two is Twitter has nsfw artists with real followings, while on Tumblr you’re more likely to run in with a porn bot than a real nsfw post.
The point being is if your website is built to be nsfw and you try to ban it, you don’t get rid of nsfw, you just get rid of the humans who post nsfw. Staff has tried to make amends with the “mature” content label and allowing the posting of the f e m a l e p r e s e n t i n g n i p p l e s again, but staff are still too cowardly for a full on sex update.
The one thing Tumblr has left is brand recognition and a broader appeal. The name is iconic in bad and good ways, allowing a good influx of new users and consistent communities to explore and tag. Pillowfort and many other Tumblr imitators can try to take and coddle the nsfw users immigrating to new lands, but that ends up being the sole customer base for the websites. It’s hard to sell your website to people when it’s just “other social media website but that thing it used to have” and only people who go there are for the thing old website used to have.
Even then, Tumblr's brand is getting overshadowed by places like Twitter because the people that had house controversial people like the political activists, are more active on Twitter than they were when it was on Tumblr. It may not matter if Tumblr does somehow have a more friendlier community, people would rather go to the site current popular because that gets the most attention. I also think how certain countries handle websites different is another. Like Twitter in Japan was really popular back then. If it's not news updates from companies there, JP users would go there to make it like Instagram or show off artworks. But then Western users started to see there posts and are surprised to find works such as porn and loli there and the Twitter JP side of things don't act as harshly on it. Now every website has to comply with all the countries as a whole if they don't want it to get banned and make money off advertisements. People can't even post on places like Pixiv either if it means their content gets removed after marking it as NSFW or it is limited in viewing in certain places. JP users are struggling to find another platform that would allow their art and not have Westerners hounding their asses for having a different view on things.
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aliciachimera · 1 year ago
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feeling melancholic over wanting to be a kid again. i guess people feel that from time to time. the simplicity of it, the lack of worry and responsibilities of adulthood. i wouldn't say i was free from trauma, but maybe just, wanting to be at a point in my life where it hasn't had years of wear and tear on me. i.. don't really know what i miss in particular, aside from the innocence of it all.
i was happy back then, around 2007-2008. playing SSBB on my wii in my own room, even if i got lonely from time to time. i had school friends, of course. at home i was sheltered, safe, i got good at playing against lv.9 CPU. i was a lot smaller then, without hormones in the way, either. i get annoyed having to shave, having to deal with my body. some want to be men, others women, i even liked wearing mom's jackets and dresses in secret and they fit nicely. i wanted long hair but i wasn't allowed to. i wanted to be myself, not caring about gender roles, even before i understood anything about gender. i just existed, bouncing back and forth between divorcing parents and living two lives in two different homes. i was real smart in school, but i didn't turn in my homework frequently. the conflict between parents meant that i only found my peace in video games.
i.. miss that room and that house. it was torn down, replaced with a newer home. the aging wood it was built with grew old and unstable. memories are only memories now. a middle-class dream that would inevitably burst. that one bad night still haunts me, hearing them argue at the doorway with dad demanding i come with him and my mom refusing. me crying silently on the living room couch scared because i didn't like them fighting. its years later where i was hospitalized once, seeing them shake hands telling me directly that they were friends, just so i wouldn't worry about seeing them both simultaneously, even though i knew that they chose to lie to me. it.. hurt. it hurts.
do it all over again? if back then i knew the things i know now, i wouldn't even know what i Could have done differently. i used to have an old fear every night of falling asleep, of waking up and its someone else in my body. molting, constantly molting. i loved people who couldn't love each other. i trusted people who couldn't trust each other. i couldn't scream because it hurt my throat and i can only choke, croak out my words. was i broken? was there ever a version of me that felt.. whole?
my pain is not beautiful. my suffering is not noble. i never should have been asked which parent i wanted to stay with from their court proceedings. i split myself in half, 3 days to each parent and one day in between. they would feel bad if i picked one over the other. i didn't want them to feel bad because of me. i wanted to feel loved and appreciated, i wanted them to stop fighting and cursing each other's names. i wanted peace and i wanted things that can't exist anymore.
it took so much growth for me to feel like i could mentally age past 15. and now i'm going to be 26 soon. what.. is there for me to go back to? i only have the present and the future. Do you see why my drawings make sense? I'm Trying to heal my traumas the only way i know how to safely approach them. i'm averse to conflict because its all i've ever known in my younger life where there should have been childhood purity. i have to be the adult grownup that i Wish i had when i needed it, time and time again. i love this world too much to spurn it, to cast it all away.
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dreamescapeswriting · 4 years ago
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BTS Reaction || Faking Your Orgasms [Request] [M??]
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A/N/WARNING: SOME OF THESE INCLUDE SMUT
SEOKJIN:
Jin stilled himself as you moaned into the pillow below you, he kept his hands on your hips from behind and pulled out as you frowned, turning to look over your shoulder as he began dressing himself. 
"Jin?" You questioned confused as he looked back at you, 
"If you're going to keep faking it without telling me why I don't want to do this anymore." You felt your heart sink as you realized he knew you'd been faking it. He turned to leave the bedroom but you grabbed onto his hand, 
"Jinnnie, it's not you. I'm the problem," You stared at him with tear-filled eyes as you looked down at your hands, this wasn't how you had planned to tell him but it was the only way you were going to get out of this without him feeling bad about things. 
"I can't cum because there's someone else inside of me and I just...My feelings are all over the place." You could see it only confused Jin more to hear that there was someone else inside of you, 
"Jin I'm pregnant...My hormones and feelings are all over the place. I haven't been able to cum because I-I've been overthinking things..." Jin placed his hands on your stomach, 
"Pregnant?" You nodded as he teared up and began smiling brightly. 
"I didn't tell you yet because I'm not that far along...I was going to wait." You let out a scream at the end of your sentence as he began to cover your stomach in small kisses.
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YOONGI:
When you walked into the bedroom that night you saw Yoongi sitting there on the bed with his arms folded, 
"What's up? You look pissed off," You laughed softly thinking one of the guys had annoyed him or something but he took you by your hands and pinned you below him on the bed as you whined.
"Baby?" You giggled but he growled at you as he began sucking on your neck making you moan loudly, wrapping your legs around his waist to drawer him close but he pinned your legs down. 
"No, no touching for you." A shiver ran down your spine as he smirked at you, 
"I heard you and Jungkook talking today." He pulled your skirt down as he smirked at you, rubbing your clit through the fabric of your panties, 
"I haven't made you cum in over a month? So you were faking it... My little princess is so needy she went to the maknae to go and complain," He laughed sarcastically before pushing two fingers into you and humming as you moaned out loudly. 
"Tonight, you're not going to stop cumming." He whispered in your ear before chuckling darkly as you clenched around his fingers. 
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HOSEOK:
It was the boys that pointed out you might have been faking your orgasms with Hoseok, they'd heard you one night and then questioned Hoseok on what it was like and they told him the truth. 
"You've been faking it this whole time and I'm the bad guy here?!" Hoseok yelled as he stared at you, you'd been ignoring him since he told you he told the boys about your sex life. 
"You told them about our sex life...Our private life Hobi!" You whined as you covered your face with your hands, the feeling of embarrassment coming back, you were never going to be able to look at them ever again. 
"Why are you faking your orgasms?" He sat down in front of you as you stared down at the floor beside him, it was just something you'd never been able to achieve, you'd never been able to make yourself cum and no one else had either. 
"Some people just can't." You whispered, wiping the tears of your face as you remembered your other relationships going south because you couldn't cum but Hoseok took your hand, 
"Then we'll find a way to make it pleasurable for you, so you won't have to fake it anymore." He promised, kissing your lips softly as you smiled at him.
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NAMJOON:
When you drunkenly told Namjoon the night before that you had been faking your orgasms for a while he was hurt, he thought your relationship with one another was built and trust and that he could trust you to tell him when something wasn't working between you. 
"I said that?" You groaned as you took the cup of water from him and sipped on it, wanting nothing more than to end the embarrassment of speaking like this but Namjoon sat down. 
"I was doing some research, we might just need to spice things up a little and you can-" You put your hand on his mouth to stop him from talking and you shook your head. 
"Baby, there's nothing wrong with our sex life." You giggled softly as you rolled over to pick up the tablets you had been prescribed by your doctor a few weeks ago, it was nothing major just some medication for headaches. 
"They've been interfering with my hormones, I come off them soon...I just didn't want to make you feel bad so I faked it for a while," Namjoon blushed deeply as he set himself a mental note to delete his internet history when he went back downstairs, 
"So it's not me?" You shook your head as you kissed him, 
"No baby, it's not you." You whispered before laying back down and groaning about the room spinning.
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JIMIN:
It wasn't Jimin's fault that you weren't able to cum it was just something you'd never been able to achieve before so every time you and Jimin would have sex you would just fake it, wanting him to feel like he was doing a good job because he was. The pleasure you experienced with him was like no other but you could never go over the edge and cum, you figured there was just something wrong with you. 
"Jimin, please...It's nothing you did," You clung to his hand as he tried to walk out of the bedroom, you finally came clean and told him that you had been faking it the whole time. You didn't want to build your relationship on lies. 
"I can't even pleasure my own girlfriend," He sat down on the bed feeling defeated but then he looked at you and felt even worse at the thought of you never getting to experience orgasm for real.
"You've never?" You shook your head looking down about to give him the same story you'd given your other ex's, they didn't seem to care as long as they got to cum they were done with you. 
"Well then, we're going to have to find what makes you tick." He smirked pushed you down onto the bed as he kissed you roughly, kissing down your neck as you let out a small whine. 
"You have to be honest this time, tell me what works and what doesn't....We'll get you there baby," He whispered in your ear before biting down on your lobe and kissing down the rest of your body, trying everything to get you to cum and by the end of the night you did. Experiencing a wave of different orgasms from him and finding out just what you did and didn't like during intercourse.
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TAEHYUNG:
"What? So this whole time you've just been faking it?" You looked at Taehyung as you heard how hurt he was from the questioning but you looked down at your hands, not being able to bring yourself to stare at the love of your life and tell him he'd never been able to make you cum. 
"It's not you-"
"It's not me it's you? Seriously?" You sighed as he scoffed at you but you shook your head, 
"I can't! I can't cum Taehyung! It's not you, it's me...I-It gets too intense and I feel like it's too much, that I'm going to burst all over the place." You finally called out when he began leaving the room. It was the first time you'd come clean to anybody about orgasming, Taehyung figured it out that you were faking when all of your moans and groans sounded the same and you came clean to him.
"What?" He questioned turning around to look at you with a softer expression on his face, you looked up at the ceiling so the tears that were welling up in your eyes wouldn't start falling. 
"They're too intense...I get so close but I have to stop because it's too much, I feel like I'll burst that it's too much." He blinked at you before kissing you desperately, laying you back against the sheets. 
"What are you doing?" You panted as he began to kiss down your neck, sucking on the sweet spots that you had, 
"You're going to cum, I'm going to prove to you that it's not too much and you weren't burst." You froze in fear but he looked at you, 
"You can trust me." He promised you, kissing your lips softly as you allowed him to continue kissing down your body. That night for the first time you managed to let go of everything and experience what you'd heard so much about. 
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JUNGKOOK:
"S-Shit you feel so fucking good princess," Jungkook groaned as he slammed in and out of you, rubbing your clit with his thumb as you rode him. You bit down on your lip trying to suppress your orgasm that was approaching, you cried out before leaning forward putting your head into the crook of his neck. Jungkook stopped thrusting up into you as you began to cry into his shoulder, his arms wrapped around your waist as he held you tightly thinking he'd moved too quickly and hurt you or something. 
"It's okay, I'm sorry...I'm sorry." He whispered over and over again as he ran his hands up and down your back trying to soothe you but you shook your head. 
"I can't do this anymore," You sniffled, pulling your face away from his neck as you wiped your eyes finally deciding you wanted to come clean with him. 
"I-I've been faking it and I just- I was close and then-" He wiped the tears from under your eyes as he frowned, 
"Did I do something wrong? Did I stop you from-"
"No, I didn't want to...I don't want to cum I look disgusting when I cum." He froze in place as he stared back at you not knowing what to say.
"Who told you that? Baby, you're beautiful," He whispered kissing all over your face as you began crying softly at his compliments explaining that one of your exes has been the one to convince you that you looked ugly whenever you would orgasm and it put you off ever wanting to do it again. 
"Princess. I want you to cum, I want you to feel good." He whispered as he kissed you, asking if he could continue and you nodded. Not letting the thoughts of your past experiences cloud your judgement. 
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Tagline: @lyoongx​ @mitzwinchester​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @taestannie​ @rjsmochii​ @sw33tnight​ @sweeneyblue1​ @agustdjoon​ @jin-from-the-block​ @acciocriativity​ @mwitsmejk​
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fipindustries · 2 years ago
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teaching
explaining things can be hard
it can be really hard because communiation is hard in general. the basic action of attempting to transmit an idea, to cause a brain to think the thoughts that we are thinking in our brains. for any thing to be transmited from one mind to another it has to be filtered through so many lenses!
first our own understanding of the idea we ourselves are having, we are after all a mind observing itself and in that self observation there is already bias, a self censorship of sorts where we want to make sure we are thinking the thoughts we deem acceptable and that they reflect not to others but to ourselves a self that we can be comfortable with.
then it goes through the second filter of our own words, our own limits to put into words what we are observing and translating it into sign trains.
then come the processes beyond our control, the other persons capacity to parse our words, and then finally their own biases towards whatever they managed to translate out of the sounds we made.
the fact that any two people are capable of saying anything to one another is a miracle, frankly.
if we add to that having to explain to 30+ different, individual, unique bratty children/hormonal teenagers things they dont even care about in the first place. the fact that we as a society manage to, occassionally, extract some meager, limited, measily value out of public education is something for wich we as a species deserve to be saved.
...
one problem i always had with education is that i learned pretty fast that people dont know how to explain things. to explain things is a real skill that does not come naturally to most people and is weird because i dont think most people see it like that.
 to explain is a common task that everyone has to do in life, time and again over and over, is one of those things like paying for a product or driving a cart through a supermarket that we dont really think of as a talent. is a thing we automatically do because we have to do it all the time and yet i noticed people tend to be really fucking bad at it. its a thing you have to get good at. is a thing that takes thought and talent and practisce to do right.
and teachers, i noticed, tend to be terrible
they already have a titanic task ahead of them. a task where, for reasons i just explained, even if they were proficient at, it would still be incredibly hard.
but they are not even good at it in the first place!
lets examine more in depth how and why.
***
to understand a topic is to have a castle in your mind, to be an expert on a subject  is to have a beautiful structure, it is to have a little town on a hill, a finished painting.
and for that person, when they want to express that knowledge to someone else, they forget the castle had to be built in the first place. so they will descrive the castle as a whole, a finished piece, whole and irreducible.
its hard to remember what the valley was like before there was a castle there
and if you ask for particulars, for explinations, they will go on at length about the exquisite details in the flying butresses, without really telling you how those things got there in the first place, how does one go about making them, why would anyone even want those things to go there in the first place.
to depart metaphor a little bit, they introduce ideas without really introducing them, will jump from one concept to the next without proper build up, without foreshadowing. every new turn on the explination feels like a shitty twist in a cheap novel, something introduced without context that we are just supposed to accept without understanding why.
they go over stuff fast and dont go back to check except perhaps with a halfhearted “any questions?” possibly the fakest and most hypocrital of all statements, a question that knows noone will dare to ask.
you ever been in a classroom and just felt... lost? where you can sort of follow along with every new step but the ground you are stepping on doesnt feel firm at all because every new word said by the teacher keeps making you ask “why”, “why this?” “why in this particular way and not another?” the teacher is wading deeper into the jungle and you are slowly sinking on quicksand.
the concepts are presented to you but they find no purchase in your brain because they dont seem to connect to anything. it is never grounded back to a common reality
***
here is where i start licking my own clit
as i explained it, one of my biggest hobbies is to talk, to have conversations, that is just an activity i fundamentally enjoy. and like any hobby im very particular about it, i have practisce with it, i have strategies and common places and techniques.
one form of conversation which i am particularly fond of are the explinations.
i have it on good authority that i am really good at explaining things. by good authority i mean family and friends and colleagues.
because i have the weird superpower of remembering, even after i understand a concept, what it feels like to not understand it. which means that when i descrive a castle in my mind, i start with the foundation. 
i lay the groundwork, i make no assumptions about what may have been built there already. i implement a superstructure over which i will methodically install, modular component by modular component, the subject im trying to explain. i will make sure that everything connects to everything, that if i introduce something new it is resting firmly on a platform i already installed. i will double back and make sure all my cables are anchored before tying them over to the next thing. i will make sure it all fits, it all leads back and doubles back in and on itself, that there are no cul de sacs or winding allies where a traveler may get lost in. 
i construct a thing from scratch, trim off the fat, cut off the fried ends of the ropes, tie all the loose ends.
this took time to master and i still have a lot to learn but one side effect of this is that now im not only good at expalining things, im good at making others explain things to me. as long as i have full control of how they do it.
i will admit, i might be a terrible person to explain things to.
i know how my brain incorporates information, i have been in a thousand frustrating classrooms and i have become exceedingly good at identifying when something is not working for me.
i will constantly interrupt, detour, go on seeming tangents, force you to repeat stuff, try to explain things back at you. i will make you shut up and wait for a couple of seconds while i stretch my metaphorical legs in my new shoes and feel the weight of the new information inside my head, see how it sits, wether it fits or whether its laying askew until i make sure it has been accepted. any new thing you introduce will be a pokemon and my head will be a pokeball and every time you have to wait until i make sure it was actually captured.
***
now, going back to teacher and schools, i was never in the position of being able to actually treat my teachers the way i wanted. the power dynamic was never such that i could control how teachers explained things to me. if i wanted to learn something i had to try and keep up with my professor’s rythms, to run and skip and hop and jump along side them, and occassionally dive down in a leap of faith. it was either that or trying to extract knowledge out of the static innert core that are books.
until recently
this is why i appreciatte my friendship with @sigmaleph and particularly @ericvilas. 
eric most of all because they were the first time i had a physicist all for myself to corner in a dark room and have my way with them. to gut them and skin them and hang them to dry, and squeeze every last drop of blood. to wrestle them into the ground and rip their clothes off and... ahem. anyway.
jokes aside they were someone whom i could ask pointed question and force them to frame things in a way that made sense to me. they were the one person who made me feel like i understood quantum mechanics in a way that made intuitive sense.
*** so, yeah, point being, explaining things is a really cool talent and to know how to do it is even cooler. i think that is the main take away from this
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keigoslovebird · 4 years ago
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Next Chapter
Pairing: Ushijima Wakatoshi x Reader
Warnings: Manga spoilers!! Pregnancy and references to pregnancy, you have a child (obvi), aged up characters, breeding kink, negative self image (on Toshi’s part), references to alcohol, self deprecating language, very fluffy Daddy Toshi shenanigans
Genre: Fluff, smut
Word count: 8.3k
Author’s note: I had so much fun writing soft husband Toshi, if it isn’t obvious by the word count. I just want to rub his soft belly and tell him how much I love him. Hopefully you enjoy this as much as I did writing it!
Note: Flashbacks indicated by italics
Wakatoshi Ushijima has always been a man of few emotions and even fewer words, with just one thing on his mind—volleyball. 
Since he was a young child, he has always slept, eaten, breathed volleyball. Nothing came close to his fiery, burning passion for the sport, not that he had the time to care about anything else.
That all changed when he retired from professional volleyball at the ripe young age of thirty-one, the years of wear and tear on his body finally catching up to him. He knew it was time when the pain in his joints was so severe he could no longer keep up with his much younger teammates. It was a difficult, emotional decision, but he ultimately viewed it as passing the torch to the next generation of volleyball players.
The announcement of Wakatoshi’s retirement was met with great sadness from the sports community at the loss of such a talented, renowned player, but he left behind an exceptional legacy marked by achievements and historic wins. 
His final game with the Schweiden Adlers concluded in a symbolic victory, this chapter of his life drawing to a close the same way it began—with Wakatoshi as an indisputable champion. Every player, coach, and audience member rose from their seats, clapping and screaming words of encouragement. Each of his teammates got on their knees, lowering themselves to press their foreheads into the floor of the stadium, bowing in an ultimate show of respect. The sight of his peers, his coaches, the entire auditorium giving him such an impassioned send off made a heavy lump form in his throat that refused to go away, no matter how many times he tried to swallow it down. Tears pricked at his eyes but he didn’t want to cry, not in front of all of these people.
The dam broke when you sprinted across the court, wrapping yourself around him in a bone crushing hug.
“You did so well Toshi. I am so proud of you,” you praised through choked sobs, pressing your tear-stained face into his neck. Your watery eyes and trembling smile shattered whatever willpower he had, his own tears streaming down his face like a waterfall. All those late night practices away from you, the excruciating injuries, the heartbreaking losses, all led up to this moment. This was the last time the Super Ace would step foot on a volleyball court as a professional player, but all good things must come to an end. 
The screaming and clapping was so loud you could barely hear his quiet, trembling whisper of, “I love you.”
----
It took him awhile to adjust to what one would call a “normal” life, one that didn’t include daily flights from country to country or backbreaking practices that lasted from sunup to sundown. Sure he still went to the gym and practiced with the volleyball net strung up in your backyard, but it was nothing like his grueling schedule when he was a pro athlete. To make matters worse, the blinders he wore his entire life that blocked out anything but volleyball prevented him from finding any real hobbies of his own. This meant for the first few months, your husband followed you around the house like a lost puppy, just wanting to be a part of whatever you were doing.
You would be cooking dinner, some soup simmering on the stove, when Wakatoshi’s massive form would come up from behind you to shyly peek over your shoulder. 
“What’re you doing?” he wondered, resting his head in the crook of your neck.
You could feel a smile tugging at your lips at how cute he was being, getting used to domestic life, something you never really got to experience until now. Before, you would often be sleeping when he came home at night, and still be asleep when he left in the morning. “I’m just cooking, do you want to help me?” you asked, holding a knife out to him to cut some vegetables. He nodded silently as he took the knife from you. 
His chopping skills left much to be desired, but what could you really expect from a man who only ever held a volleyball?
Another time you were sitting on the couch, scrolling through Twitter on your phone. You could feel your husband staring so intensely you were afraid he’d pop a blood vessel in his head.
Looking up at him, you cleared your throat and asked, “Did you need something, Toshi?” You set your phone down and gave him a questioning look, hoping to solve whatever was troubling him.
He was pensive for a moment, his eyebrows scrunching as he figured out what he was trying to say. “No, I just… There’s nothing to do,” he answered finally.
You nearly burst out laughing at his concern for simply being bored, but you held it in. “Of course there’s something to do!” you exclaimed, “You can go on a walk, read a book, watch TV, or even just take a nap.”
His head tilted quizzically, unsure of what you were suggesting. “A… nap? Why would I sleep? It’s the middle of the afternoon,” he questioned, sounding like you had proposed he eat sand and not to take a quick snooze.
You chuckled and walked over to the chair he was sitting in, plopping yourself down into his lap. “Sometimes people sleep in the middle of the day because they’re tired, or just because they want to,” you clarified, “We can go take a nap right now if you would like.” 
Suddenly Wakatoshi stood up, causing you to squeak in surprise, his arms securely carrying you bridal style.
“W-what’re you doing!?” you squealed, panicked by your sudden lack of solid ground, slightly struggling in arms. 
He tilted his head again, reminiscent of a pet confused by its master’s orders. “We’re going to take a nap together, yes? I’m taking you to our room,” he said, jerking his head in the direction of your shared bedroom. 
You stopped squirming once you took in his words, your belly fluttering with affection. Sighing happily, you snuggled your face against his chest, giving him a simple “mhm” in response.
That day Wakatoshi took his first nap since he was six years old and to this day, he still swears he’s never had a more restful, peaceful sleep in his life.
Those instances happened less and less often as he figured out ways to occupy his time that didn’t involve volleyball. 
You adopted a dog, a commitment you didn’t want to make in the past due to both of your busy schedules, but your lives became a lot less hectic after Wakatoshi’s retirement. Your husband made it a daily ritual to take your puppy Leo out on a morning run, both of them returning tired and sweaty before promptly passing out for an hour. He took up a job at the local university to help coach their men’s volleyball team, deciding to try it out when the requests to lend his wisdom and skills kept coming in. Although, his favorite pastime now consists of him standing outside on the patio, beer in hand as he sweats over the flames of his fancy silver grill.
But perhaps the most significant change in your lives came in the form of your son, Hidetoshi. 
Much like your refusal to commit to taking care of a dog, neither of you wanted to have kids while your lifestyle was so unfit to raise a child. You didn’t mind making those compromises for your husband, having known the path he would take since you started dating in high school. Frankly, you didn’t mind not having children at all, so it surprised you when he was the one to broach the subject. 
“What if we did?” he inquired under the darkness of your bedroom.
You turned over to face him, reaching up to gently stroke his cheek. “What if we did what, my love?” you murmured.
His eyes flitted across your face with an uncharacteristic nervousness. “What if we decided to have a child?” The shock on your face made his stomach churn uncomfortably and he almost regretted saying anything at all, but his fears quickly vanished as your expression melted into a soft smile.
“We’d have to talk about it more but I’d love to have your children, Wakatoshi Ushijima.”
You had a deep, lengthy conversation about your wants, needs, plans for the future, and whether or not a kid would fit into them. Once all of your cards were on the table you decided to start trying to get pregnant, a mission that your husband took very seriously.
Even as a teenager Wakatoshi’s sex drive wasn’t very high, and his frequent absence and exhaustion in his adult life made it somewhat difficult for you to have sex often. You made up for it where you could, having phone sex and masturbating together over FaceTime, once you convinced him to do it. When he was bewildered as to why you would suggest such a salacious act, you explained you were a grown woman with needs and if he wasn’t there to take care of them, he’d have to help you in other ways. Once he realized how serious you were, he agreed. 
But your husband as a young adult and your husband post-retirement are almost two  completely different people in regards to sex. He has seemingly unlimited reserves of stamina, built up over years of rigorous, intense training, and he no longer had an outlet to expend them. So, his new outlet to test his endurance became you and your body.
He began fucking you every chance he got with the vigor and gusto of a hormonal teenager, seeking to make up for lost time. He asked for sex at all hours of the day, waking you up in the middle of the night with the insistent prodding of his arousal and lazily thrusting between your thighs in the early hours of the morning before you had to leave for work. He fucked you in every room in your house and on every surface—on the dining room table, in the shower, on the living room floor, and even on your back patio when you both got a little too drunk on some cheap rose. 
You welcomed Wakatoshi’s insatiable hunger with open arms, unable to resist your strong, ridiculously handsome husband, but that, coupled with his seemingly limitless stamina, spelled trouble for your muscles and pelvis. In the first year after his departure from professional sports you had to call in sick to work seven times, too tired to function, too bruised to look presentable, and too sore to walk to the bathroom. At first he felt guilty for fucking you out of commission, but the way you begged him so sweetly to pound your needy, gushing cunt deeper, harder, faster and how you whimpered with delight when he bit bruises down your throat, he didn’t feel that bad. A baser, more primal part of Wakatoshi’s brain purred at his marks covering our body and relished in the way you limped. You were just too tempting, too irresistible not to ravage you every chance he got.
After you agreed to start trying for a baby, your partner’s already voracious sexual appetite became downright menacing now that he had a goal to strive for. 
“Gonna breed you, gonna fill you so full with my cum and knock you up,” he grunted as he battered into your sore, dripping hole, your body folded in half in a mating press.
“P-please Toshi! Ah~ please,” you babbled, nonsensical and uncertain what you were even asking for. He had been fucking you for so long everything was muddled into a singular dreamy, intangible haze of pleasure and ecstasy. 
Wakatoshi gave your clit a slap, hard enough to make you cry out. “Please what? Please breed you like a bitch in heat? Please stuff you full with my cum?” He leaned down to wrap his fingers around your throat, squeezing with enough force to make your head swim and forcing you to look into his wild olive eyes. “Well, what is it?” he demanded.
“W-want you to b-ah! Want you to breed mee,” you slurred, too drunk on the delicious feeling of his cock dragging against your pulsing walls to form a more coherent sentence.
His thrusts grew sloppy and uncoordinated with his impending orgasm. “G-gonna give you what you want, you cock hungry slut, I’m—” He came with a choked, shuddering groan, his warm cum flooding your awaiting womb.
You were both basking in the afterglow, exhausted and soaked in sweat and your combined fluids, when you noticed the furious blush spreading across your husband’s cheeks. “I apologize for what I said during sex. I… I don’t know what came over me,” he confessed, giving your shoulder a remorseful squeeze.
Giggling, you leaned forward to kiss his cheek. “Don’t be sorry. I really enjoyed it,” you proclaimed, “I love it when you get rough with me.”
Trying to get you pregnant gave your husband a new goal to strive for and he has never been one to do anything with less than his all.
Thanks to your husband’s dedicated efforts, you got pregnant six months after you started trying, to your shared elation and delight. Those two little lines filled you with as much excitement as they made you anxious, but as long as Wakatoshi was by your side, everything would be okay. 
Seeing your little bundle of joy in a 3D ultrasound changed you, changed Wakatoshi forever. Up until then you had only seen him as a colorless little blur on a computer screen, but getting to watch his precious face scrunch and his chubby legs kick reminded you that he was a real living being. The late night sprints to the bathroom, horrible morning sickness, and miserably aching back were all worth it when you were able to hold Hidetoshi for the first time. With his olive eyes, brown hair and chubby cheeks, he was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen and to this day he still is. 
Taking after his father from the start, Hidetoshi was a happy baby that rarely fussed or cried, not that you complained. He slept soundly through most nights, so soundly you slept in a chair by his crib for the first month to periodically check he was still breathing, despite your husband’s insistence the baby would be fine. Your mother-in-law had insisted that you and Wakatoshi would be exhausted for the first several months after the birth. Imagine her surprised when you and Wakatoshi looked just as well-rested as usual, better even, since you no longer had to deal with pregnancy. Many people, relatives and strangers alike, were astounded at how charming and polite your son was, even as a newborn. He was happy to just sit and play with his toys as you had lunch, smiling and waving at everyone who passed by.
A man as attractive as your husband with a boy as sweet as your son meant that, much to your irritation, women were tripping over themselves to flirt with him. To make matters worse, Wakatoshi picked up your son alone most days due to your office job preventing you from leaving early enough to go with him. This meant many of the moms at Hidetoshi’s school thought your husband was single and they weren’t shy in their pursuit.
A crowd of women surrounded Wakatoshi as he waited for school to end so your son would come running out with his arms spread wide, confident his daddy would always catch him. Most of the moms simply stared at your husband with dreamy looks in their eyes, attempting to make small talk with him.
One especially bold mother reached out and stroked his bicep, slightly squeezing to get a feel for his muscles. “My my Ushijima, you’re so handsome and strong,” she purred, batting her eyelashes at him.
“My wife thinks so as well,” he grunted as he gently but firmly removed his arm from her grasp. 
The woman looked as if he had slapped her across the face and cursed her family. “Y-you’re married? But you don’t even have a wedding ring!” she spluttered, “If you have a wife then where is she everyday?” 
“I do have a ring. I just don’t wear it on my finger because I’m afraid of losing it,” he clarified, lightly tugging on the chain around his neck for emphasis, his ring clinking softly against the metal. “I’m happily married to my wife who cannot be here because she is hard at work providing for our family. Do not disrespect my wife or my marriage again or we will have a problem.”
After that the other moms kept their distance, choosing to admire Wakatoshi from afar. It did not, however, stop them from staring with envy on the rare occasion you came with him to pick up your child, glowering at you with an intensity that surely wished you would drop dead. Your husband paid them no mind and neither did you because at the end of the day, you’re the one he chose to marry and have a child with. They can all flirts and look as much as they want, but they’ll never have him like you do.
----
Fast forward to present day, Wakatoshi is seven years into his retirement at the age of thirty-eight and Hidetoshi is now six.
Your husband is an assistant coach part time for the men’s volleyball team at an up and coming university, the rest of his time divided between you and taking care of your son. Hidetoshi just started kindergarten, growing far too fast for your liking. He seems to have gotten a double dose of his father’s genes as he’s already several inches taller than his classmates, though you can tell by the way he smiles and the slope of his nose that he’s yours as well. He’s the perfect combination of both of you—he has Wakatoshi’s tenacity, work ethic, and confidence and your sense of humor, intelligence, and empathy. He continues to amaze you every single day and you nor your husband couldn’t imagine a boy more wonderful than him. 
These days your lives are a lot less busy than they were when your husband was still a pro, but sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. With all the playdates, school functions, and parent-teacher conferences combined with your own job, Wakatoshi’s games, and regular house chores, sometimes it feels like you’re right back where you were ten years ago. This time, however, you have your incredible husband and son helping you and you wouldn’t trade your life for anything, no matter how hectic it may be.
Today is Saturday, it’s the weekend, and you’re only awake because of the bright sunlight that’s streaming through your bedroom window and hitting you directly in the face. You rub the sleep out of your eyes with the back of your hand, yawning loudly as you stretch your tired limbs. As soon as you try to get out of bed Wakatoshi’s arm around your waist tightens, pulling you flush against his solid, muscular chest. 
“Don’t leave. Don’t need to be anywhere,” he mumbles into his pillow, voice even deeper and raspier with sleep. His legs entangle themselves with your own so you’re completely enveloped in the warm, comforting embrace of your husband.
“Need to start getting ready for the party,” you sigh drowsily, but make no efforts to remove yourself from his sleepy but surprisingly strong clutches.
“Not yet,” he says simply, and that’s when you realize when he’s doing. He’s slowly, lazily grinding his morning wood on the soft curve of your ass. You’re a little more awake now.
“Oh I see what this is about,” you chuckle, wiggling yourself against him teasingly. 
He groans quietly under his breath, but you can feel the sound rumble in his chest. “Want you,” he says, still groggy from just barely waking up. His fingers find the hem of your shirt and he slips them underneath it, trailing his digits lightly down your stomach, making you shiver.
“Little man will be up soon,” you halfheartedly protest, but you can feel the warmth pooling between your legs.
“He’s not up yet, we have time.” The movements of his hips become more insistent, more demanding and you have to stifle your mewls behind your hand. Wakatoshi easily maneuvers his hand into the waistband of your panties, making a satisfied hum when he discovers you’re already dripping for him.
You’re still resisting, though it’s weak and feeble. The list of all the preparations you have to make for the barbecue still manage to just barely cut through your sleepy arousal. “We have so much to d—ahh~” You try to sound firm, but it just comes out as a breathy moan when he begins rubbing your swollen clit. 
He uses his other hand to push up your shirt that’s actually his shirt, tracing small circles around your nipples with his rough fingertips. You try to push your hips into his hand in hopes to gain more friction, but his arms keep you locked in place. 
“No need to rush. Let’s just enjoy this,” he insists, but the finger massaging your bud gets faster, knowing just how to make you whine after all the time he’s had to learn your body. He pinches one of your nipples between two fingers and squeezes with just enough force to make you gasp.
His erection has gotten even harder at the sound of your mewls and whimpers, hot and achingly hard against your ass and your cunt clenches in anticipation. Your slick is dripping out of you in thick, syrupy strings that makes your thighs sticky, but you can’t bring yourself to care.
“Please Toshi, need you,” you beg, desperate for your husband to stuff you full just as he’s done so many times before.
Wakatoshi doesn’t respond, opting to push his pants and underwear down to his knees and you almost sigh in relief, just needing to satisfy the desire that’s threatening to burn you from the inside out. You’re so hot you feel like you’re burning and you throw the comforter off of you to try to escape the heat. He removes the hand that was in your panties, instead using it to rub his hard length along your slick folds. You’re keening and so so needy, gasping each time the head catches on the tight ring of muscle around your entrance. 
“You’re so beautiful like this,” he grits out, barely able to control himself.
Your breath is coming in short, uneven pants as you try to sink yourself down onto him. “I love you so much I...”
That’s the moment when he sheaths his entire cock inside you in a singular fluid movement. You let out a strangled moan, relishing in the familiar burning as you stretch to accommodate how thick he is.  Your pussy clamps down on him like a vice, molding perfectly around his length.
“It’s like you were made for me, made to take me,” Wakatoshi growls, sending another wave of arousal rippling through your body. He stays still for a moment, breathing deeply because he doesn’t want to cum and have this end so soon.
He starts moving his hips, thrusting slow and deep to reach the spongy spot inside you that makes you scream. The hand on your breast reaches around to grab your throat, stifling your moans into small, stuttering gasps. You whine each time he shoves himself deep inside you, his cock dragging deliciously against your spongy walls.
You stay like that for a while, bodies joined in the most intimate of ways as Wakatoshi moves his hips in leisurely, unhurried strokes. Your body is hot, sweaty, thrumming with the pleasure that’s so overwhelming all you can focus on is the intoxicating feeling of your husband’s cock deep inside you. The tightening in your core signals your impending orgasm, but each time you get close to the edge, it escapes your grasp over and over again. You need him to pound into you faster, harder. You need more.
“Toshi please, I-I need,” you manage to stammer out, but your words are stolen from your throat as he sharply thrusts as deep as he can, the tip of his cock smashing against your cervix with just the right amount of pressure. 
“Don’t worry. I know just what you need.”
Wakatoshi is fucking you with so much force that your eyes are rolling back in your head, and all you can hear is the wet slapping sound each time he’s sucked back into your wet heat. He’s close, you can tell by the breathy groans he’s making, but so are you. You clench and spasm around him, growing impossibly tighter and bringing both of you closer to climax. His merciless pounding of your insides just gets faster and rougher, and his other hand moves down to rub your clit in tight, fast circles. 
The pleasure that clouds your senses is overwhelming, just dancing on the edge between pleasure and pain and your body can’t take it anymore. Your vision goes white as you cum, cunt clamping down so hard Wakatoshi can barely move. You clamp a hand over your mouth to keep from screaming, your body shaking and trembling as you gush around him. The endless clenching of your muscles practically milks his orgasm out of him, a stifled groan leaving his lips as his thick, hot cum coats your insides. All you can do is moan softly in appreciation, too incoherent to say anything else. 
Your husband presses a kiss to your sweaty neck. “Are you okay?” he asks, taking in the sight of your limp, spent body. 
You haven’t caught your breath yet and your lips won’t form proper words, so you make the only noise you can, “Mmfmm.”
You whine as he slowly pulls out his softening length with an audible pop, sensitive cunt spasming at the slightest stimulation. He untangles himself from you and you want to reach out for him, but you’re too boneless to even attempt to do anything yet.
As Wakatoshi gets out of bed to get a warm washcloth, you hear the familiar sound of little footsteps making their way towards your room and you shoot up in bed, fully alert. You quickly pull the covers over your body, just in time for Hidetoshi to come bounding in.
“G’morning Mama! Where’s Daddy?” he wonders, his little head poking around the corner.
Your husband comes out of the bathroom, now fully dressed and washcloth in hand. “I’m right here, Hidetoshi.” The boy runs straight towards his father who picks him up effortlessly, swinging him around in the air as he squeals with delight. “Did you sleep well?”
Hide bobs his head enthusiastically, “Mhm! I had a dream I was a professional volleyball player just like you.” 
Your loud, exaggerated sigh draws both sets of olive eyes to you, but you train your gaze on your husband. “Have you been putting ideas in his head?”
Wakatoshi shakes his head no, but the child in his arms pipes up first, “Daddy has been showing me videos of his old matches from when he was with the Schwimmy Addles.” Your husband makes a noise of surprise, a guilty look on his face now that he’s been found out.
“You two are going to be my undoing, I swear,” you chuckle as you flop back into the fluffy pillows.
Hide squirms in his father’s arms, reaching out to you, but the man recognizes the warning look in your eyes and tightens his arms around him. “We should let Mama finish waking up first. Why don’t we go downstairs and make breakfast?” he asks, tickling his sides.
The boy shrieks with laughter and wriggles even harder in Wakatoshi’s arms. “F-fine Daddy! Stooop it!” Your husband stops his tickling and hoists your son over his shoulder, gently patting his back.
He passes the washcloth to Hide. “Why don’t you give this to your mama? Then we can go have something to eat.” 
Hide uses his little arms to hold the cloth out to you and you take it from him, nodding with gratitude. “Thank you sweetie, now go with your daddy.”
Your husband starts walking towards the door as a small, chubby hand waves bye to you and you blow kisses to them as they disappear into the hallway.
Using the washcloth, you clean the mess between your legs and muster the monumental effort it takes to get out of bed. You begrudgingly walk over to your dresser to put on clean pajamas and brush your hair so you’re presentable for a meal with your family. The sound of the fire alarm going off has you racing downstairs to the kitchen where Wakatoshi and your son should be.
As you slide into the kitchen and almost fall on the slippery hardwood in your haste, you realize your panic was for nothing. There’s a pan on the stove, grey smoke billowing out of it. Upon further inspection you discern that it’s eggs, you think, that are simultaneously under and overcooked. The guilty parties are sitting at the kitchen table a few feet away, a jug of milk and a couple of boxes of cereal surrounding them. Hide is shoveling spoonfuls of Cheerios into his mouth as your husband eats his own breakfast, only slightly neater in his approach.
“So… you tried to cook?” you ask, quirking an eyebrow at the large man chewing his Wheat Chex. He looks over at you and nods, mouth full with milk and cereal. “I’m guessing it didn’t go very well, judging by all the smoke,” you say slowly. Your husband simply shakes his head no, unbothered by the fact that he nearly gave you a heart attack.
Deciding it’s not worth the argument or the work to make a proper breakfast, you sit down next to Hide and pour yourself a bowl of Cheerios. He smiles at you, mouth open and full of disgusting half-chewed food, but you still return his beaming grin and ruffle his hair. The both of them are troublemakers in their own ways, but they’re your troublemakers nonetheless.
After you’ve all eaten breakfast, you lay a notepad in front of them that has a list of all the things you have to do before your guests arrive for the barbecue. 
You’re standing between them, pointing at each task on the list. “I still have to sweep and vacuum the house, Toshi you need to go to the store and buy all the food, and Hide you need to pick up all your toys that are in the backyard. We have a lot to do today and everyone has to do their part, okay?” you urge, looking between the males on either side of you and they both nod emphatically.
With everyone so busy, it’s difficult to find weekends where they’re all available so this get together has been planned for months. You’ll all be seeing friends and loved ones you haven’t seen in a long time, and it’s a team effort to make sure everything is ready for tonight. 
----
You finish all of the tasks on time, with an hour to spare thanks to your joint efforts. 
Hide is playing in his room while you and your husband get dressed and ready for what will likely be a long night of socializing and entertaining.
As you’re doing your makeup and getting ready for the party, you notice Wakatoshi staring at himself in the mirror, shirtless. His brows are furrowed, a deep frown on his face as he scrutinizes his reflection. He pinches his belly with both hands, scowling at the softness that used to be hard muscle. Tracing a finger along the stretch marks on his stomach and arms, he sighs heavily.
“Babe, what’s wrong?” you ask from the bathroom. 
Your husband walks over to lean against the wall behind you, his unreadable expression reflected in the bathroom mirror. He hesitates before answering, “I’ve let myself go.”
You set your mascara down on the counter and spin around to face him. “Wakatoshi, what in the world are you talking about?”
“I just said what. I heard a couple of my players say that I’m not as strong or as fast as I was when I was a professional.”
You loosely wrap your arms around his torso, squeezing gently. “Of course you’re not what you used to be, Toshi.” At the sight of his deepening frown you quickly add, “You’re so busy being a father, husband, and coach you don’t have the time to work out like you used to.” Getting on your tippy toes, you press a kiss to his nose, “And that’s okay.” It’s a rare occasion that he looks this vulnerable. His anxiety and self-consciousness are so clearly written in his features and it makes your heart ache for him. 
“It doesn’t bother you that I don’t look like that anymore?” he asks, pointing at the framed photo of his first win with the Japan National Team that hangs on the wall.
“Why would it bother me? This is the body races my son across our backyard, helps me fix our home we bought together, and makes love to me every night. I love you just as much as I did back then, and even more now that we have Hide,” you reassure him and you mean every word of it. Sure he’s not the most romantic of husbands, but he’s your husband and you love him just the way he is, with or without muscles.
A smile tugs at the corners of his lips and he squeezes you even tighter to him. “I know I probably don’t say this as much as I should, but I love you.”
You pepper kisses all over his eyelids, lips and nose. “And I love you more than anything, Wakatoshi. More than you will ever know.”
Your hands lovingly caress his chest that’s softer now, but still sturdy and muscular, and his arms that are not as lean anymore, but are still just as powerful and capable. “For the record, I love how soft you are these days. It’s great cushioning for when we cuddle.”
“Hidetoshi says the same thing,” he recalls, smiling at the thought of your beloved son.
After giving him a knowing look, you go back to putting on your makeup. “See? I told you. That boy is just as smart as his mother.”
It’s nearing five o’clock so Wakatoshi goes to the backyard to start grilling the food for everyone, while you and Hide finish plating the fruits and vegetables you prepared earlier.
You work in comfortable silence until your son turns to you, his eyes shining with unanswered questions. “Hey Mama?”
Putting down the strawberry you were holding, you sit down on the stool next to him and hold his hands in yours. “What’s on your mind, sweetie?”
“Do you not want me to be a volleyball player like Daddy? Is that why you got mad when I told you he showed me the videos?” 
You almost break your neck with how fast you shake your head in denial. “Of course not! I wasn’t mad, it’s just…” you start, trying to find a way to phrase your thoughts that he’ll understand. “Daddy’s job was very hard. His body still hurts a lot from all the times he got injured when he played volleyball. And… his job took him away from me and I missed him a whole lot.”
The look on his face is so reminiscent of his father, it’s like young Wakatoshi was frozen in time and plopped into the chair right next to you. With the way his eyebrows are scrunched up and his mouth is downturned as he thinks, he really is the spitting image of your husband. “Did it make you sad?”
Taking a deep breath, you hold your arms out to him so he can climb into your lap. “Sometimes it did. Mostly at night when I was all alone and Daddy was really far away.”
He rests his head against your shoulder, looking up at you. “Do you wish Daddy had a different job?”
You look out the window at your husband who’s starting up the grill, then look back at the sweet, round face of your boy. “No, I don’t. Daddy’s job was really important to him and it made him so happy that I grew to love it too, even if it made me sad sometimes.”
He sits up in your lap, thinking hard about what you said as he plays with your necklace. “Does Daddy still wish he could do it?”
“Probably, but it’s okay. If he hadn’t stopped, we wouldn’t have you, and you make our lives so much brighter and happier. Your Daddy and I love you so much, you couldn’t even imagine it.”
He spreads his arms out as far as he can. “This much?”
You shake your head. “Nope. Even more.”
“Wow, that’s a lot.” Hide’s eyes are wide with surprise, mouth slightly agape as he tries to imagine something so large and vast.
Laughing, you press a kiss to his head. “It sure is a lot, baby. Now why don’t we finish putting out all the food so we can go see what Daddy’s doing?”
Your son leaps out of your lap to grab handfuls of grapes and blueberries from the cartons on the counter, dropping them into the divided sections of the serving platter. “Aren’t you going to help me, Mama?”
You give him a look of mock offense before standing ramrod straight, giving him a mock salute. “As you command, Commander Ushijima.”
You carry both trays of food out to the backyard, not trusting Hide’s ability to hold them upright, while he carries a volleyball in his arms. Wakatoshi turns at the sound of footsteps, a small smile on his face as your son drops the volleyball, barreling straight into his legs with a force that makes the man grunt.
Hide looks up at his father, both arms wrapped around his legs. “Whatcha doing Daddy?” he asks.
Your husband reaches a hand down to ruffle his hair, a slight look of pain in his eyes from the boy slamming into his shins. “I’m just getting ready to start cooking the food for tonight. Do you want to help me?” He bends down to pick him up and Hide quickly hops into his arms, well practiced and effortless with how strong your husband is. The man points to different parts of the grill, explaining what they do, taking care to keep the boy far away from the flames. 
Setting the plates down on the table, you inform Wakatoshi, “Hajime and Tooru should be here soon, so should Tobio and Eita. Satori called and said he might be late, something about his luggage getting lost.” At that moment the doorbell rings, signaling your first guests are here. “I’ll get it. You two stay here and get the food on the grill.”
You open the front door, greeted with the familiar faces of Hajime and Tooru. “It’s so nice to see you two! Come on inside, don’t be shy,” stepping aside, you hold your arm out to welcome them into your home. 
“Mrs. Ushijima you get more and more beautiful each time I see you,” Tooru teases as you snicker in response.
“I see marriage hasn’t changed you at all, has it?” you question, more so directed at Hajime. 
“I tell him people are going to get the wrong idea,” the shorter man replies, sounding exasperated.
You usher them towards the backyard before picking up various soda and beer cans. “Wakatoshi and Hide are both in the back. You two go ahead and keep them company while I bring these out.”
It takes a few trips before you join them in the backyard, handing each adult a can and a juice pouch to Hide, who’s sitting at the picnic table with Tooru while Hajime chats with your husband. 
“How old are you now, little man?” the brunette asks.
Hide holds up five fingers plus his thumb as he swings his legs back and forth. “I’m six! I just started kindergarten.”
They both wave at you as you join them, sitting on the other side of the table. Tooru leans in towards you, a hand cupped around his mouth, and you tilt your ear towards him. “He’s so… polite and well-mannered. Are you sure Ushiwaka is the father?” he whispers, narrowing his eyes.
You lightly smack his head, glaring daggers in his direction. “Yes, obviously. Look at them, they’re basically twins.” Tooru looks at the boy sitting next to him then at your husband standing at the grill, then back to your son, then back to your husband. Hand on his chin, he takes in their matching olive eyes and hair and similar expressions, nodding seriously.
“I was just making sure.”
The doorbell rings a couple more times, Tobio and Eita arriving one right after the other. With almost all of your guests present, everyone is drinking and catching up, some casually passing a volleyball back and forth with Hide.
You’re in the middle of telling Tobio that Hidetoshi is too young to be thinking about his future career when the doorbell rings once more, indicating the last of your guests has arrived. You rush inside to get it, not bothering to check who’s there because you already know who it is. Swinging the door open, you pull the man into a tight hug. 
“Satori! We’re so glad you made it,” you exclaim, giving his back a few hard slaps.
The redhead pulls away from you, smiling. “I’m so glad I was able to make it in time. The airport lost my luggage, then my parents forgot to leave me a key to their house so I had to wait until a neighbor could let me in. To make matters worse, I got stopped by security when I landed because of this,” he says, holding up a white box with a bow around it.
You quickly grab the box, shaking it to try to hear what’s inside and sniffing it for good measure. “Ooh la la, did you bring us some fancy French chocolates?” you ask. “Actually, don’t tell me, Hide will want to open it.” You hand the box back to him and gesture him to follow you, “Everyone’s in the back so just follow me.”
With Satori in tow, you step onto the back porch and call your son’s name. He hands the ball to Eita before running over, eyes lighting up when he sees the man standing next to you.
“Uncle Tori!” he shouts, launching himself into Satori’s arms.
“Hey there Little Toshi, how you been? Keeping your dad out of trouble?” he asks, hugging the boy tightly.
“I think so! Well… we burnt some eggs this morning and the smoke machines started beeping, but that doesn’t count, right?”
The red-haired man waves his hand dismissively. “Of course it doesn’t. Any crimes committed in the name of breakfast are excused,” he insists. Pulling the box out from behind his back, he offers it to Hide. “I brought you something all the way from France, do you know where France is?”
Hide takes the present from him, “Yeah, it’s in Europe! Daddy showed it to me on a map.” He struggles a bit with the bow before he decides to just rip it off, lifting up the lid.
Satori points to the various chocolates laid on top of wax paper. “This one is filled with something called ‘ganache,’ which is basically just more chocolate, but it’s liquidy. That one over there has caramel, and the one right next to it is a bonbon filled with strawberry jelly. I picked all the best ones just for you.”
The boy smiles, eyes wandering over the chocolates like they’re bars of gold. “Thank you Uncle Tori! I bet they’re really yummy.”
He pats Hide on the head. “I hope you enjoy them lots. Now I gotta go say hi to your daddy, where is he?” Your son points to where Wakatoshi is standing at the grill, a spatula in one hand and a beer in the other as he chats with Tobio. “Thanks Little Toshi,” he says, ruffling his hair.
Satori walks over to your husband, pulling him into a crushing bear hug before he can say anything. “Wakatoshi, it’s been too long! I sure get lonely all the way in France, have you guys ever thought about moving?”
Wakatoshi freezes for a moment before giving in, hugging the man back, though slightly stiff in his movements. “We will not be moving to France. Hidetoshi will be raised here in Japan.”
The redhead releases him, sensing his discomfort. “Well, it was worth a shot. How’s your retirement? You miss being a pro?”
“I do miss it sometimes, but it was necessary to let a better, younger player take my place. I wouldn’t trade a few more years on the court for the life I have now with my wife and my son.” 
 Satori lets out a loud whistle. “I never thought I would hear the day that Wakatoshi Ushijima would say he cares about anything more than volleyball.”
“Volleyball was my entire life before, but they’re my entire world.”
The shorter man just smiles, silent for a moment before pointing to the apron your husband is wearing. “I didn’t think you’d actually wear that thing, Wakatoshi!” The apron black with bright red lettering that says ‘Wakatoshi: Grill Master,’ with a drawing of a flaming steak next to it.
“It keeps my clothes clean. Why wouldn’t I wear it?” he asks, genuinely curious. The redhead just laughs and shakes his head, patting him on the shoulder.
Your husband finishes grilling the food, much to the excitement and relief of the many hungry men who have been circling him like a hawk. Everyone takes from the piles of meat and vegetables, noticeably happier now that their stomachs are full. You’re all sitting around the picnic table, laughing and enjoying each other’s company.
Hajime recalls a story from when he first signed on as the athletic trainer for the national team. Wakatoshi had approached him after practice, saying he had a serious issue that he wanted someone to take a look at. Concerned for his player’s wellbeing, naturally he took him into the locker room and Wakatoshi took off his shirt. At first, he thought he might’ve stretched one of his ligaments too far or had even torn his rotator cuff muscle. Imagine his surprise when Wakatoshi pointed to an ingrown hair on his back, saying it was inflamed and causing him pain. It was then that Hajime had to explain that he’s not that type of medical professional, and that he should make an appointment with a dermatologist.
 The sun starts to set, but with the fun everyone is having they barely notice. The night begins to wind down once Hide yawns, rubbing his eyes tiredly, and it sets off a chain reaction of yawning that reaches every person at the table. Your son starts tugging on your sleeve, informing you he’d like to go to bed. Not wanting to leave him alone in the house and taking note of the exhaustion on everyone’s faces, you politely suggest to end the night early. A chorus of heads bob, indicating their desire to head home and sleep. 
All three of you hug and kiss everyone goodbye, waving to them as they drive away. You sigh from exhaustion and head inside to put Hide in bed. You and your husband hold each of his hands and take him to his room, pulling back his covers so he can climb in. 
He yawns again and closes his eyes, settling into his bed. “Night night Mama, Daddy. I love you.” 
You stroke his cheek lovingly before placing a kiss on his forehead. “Goodnight sweetie, I love you too.”
Your husband comes up from behind you to kiss Hide as well. “Sleep well, Hidetoshi. I love you.”
With your son asleep in his own bed, all you have to do is take off your makeup and brush your teeth before you too can sleep. 
You’re in the middle of washing your face when Wakatoshi comes into the bathroom to brush his teeth.
“I enjoyed tonight, I hope you did too,” he says.
You turn around to look at him and smile. “I did, it was amazing to see everyone in one place. It’s been years since we were all able to see each other.” After you finish washing your face, you stretch and yawn loudly, telling your husband, “I’m getting in bed now, join me when you’re done.”
Climbing under the sheets, you nestle yourself into the softness of your bed. You nearly doze off right then, but the shifting of the bed under Wakatoshi’s weight keeps you awake just a bit longer.
He slides in behind you so he can spoon you, an arm slung over your waist. 
“Goodnight Toshi, I love you.”
“Goodnight, I love you too.”
Before he falls asleep, Wakatoshi thinks of all the things in his life that led him here, to you, his wonderful wife, and his precious son.
Leaving professional volleyball was one of the hardest decisions he’s ever had to make in his thirty-seven years of living, but the end of that chapter of his life gave him Hidetoshi.
He knows that every moment of uncertainty, suffering, and hardship was worth it because it ultimately led him to you and your son, to this life you’ve built together. 
He’d do it all over again a thousand times over if it meant that your beautiful, shining face would be there to greet him in the end.
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tarotdeckshuffle · 2 years ago
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Where did I go?
I know this is a comatose blog, but I feel like I owe my followers, especially some of my most loyal ones, an explanation of what happened.
It’s been what...3 years since I was truly active? Gosh that’s been a long time. Here’s an explanation of why I left, what’s happened since, and the future.
Why I Left
It sounds cliché, but life got ahead of me, mostly my work swallowed me whole. Why is that? 
Well, your Taro is a lawyer. I’m not your lawyer and I will not give you legal advice.
I started writing after I got my degree and started clerking. I was writing on slow days as a way to keep my writing sharp for the judge. After my state cut that position and buying our first house fell through, I moved on to working on immigration law.
But that boss was a prick. 
That’s when an amazing man contacted me through my old boss and said that he had an opportunity for me to help make the world a better place. 
Since then, I’ve been a public defender.
I love my job, I love my clients, but...it’s a tough job for various reasons I’m sure you can imagine. Needless to say, I typically become brain dead when I get home. This job has left me little left to explore my creative side and even less of me left to take care of myself. 
But I’m trying to work on that. 
I’m not leaving my work, just trying to do better. 
What’s Happened?
I’m still happily married to my soul mate :). We moved back by my parents and they’re so happy to have us.
We built our own house at the beginning of COVID. We started construction just before the lockdown and managed to cash in on low interest but had down payments paid just before prices increased. I’m thankful everyday we have our own home knowing full well if we had been even a month later, none of this would have been possible. 
I lost the last of my grandparents. This hurt so bad and left me in a very dark place for a long time. I had to wrestle with my love for them but also my fear. They were toxic, wicked people that I knew would turn on me at some point, even if they never got the chance to. 
After that, I sought professional help and we got another dog. She’s a 6 year old husky and I think she’s smarter than me lol. 
Thanks to that professional help, I was diagnosed with ADHD. Yes, I hyper fixated on writing all those years ago so no big surprise there. I also got hormonal help and, for the first time in my life, I feel real RAGE. Not frustration, but rage. I never truly felt anger before. It’s sometimes tough to control but it’s nice. As they say, the anger you feel at being treated poorly is that part of you who still loves yourself standing up for what’s right.
I think I’ve dramatically matured over the past few years. I’ve become more aggressive in defending others and myself, but I also try my best to stay kind and forgiving. It’s really not been a road I’ve traveled but a roller coaster I chose to get on but can’t control. 
I thought about this blog and all of my followers and friends all the time. I had so much guilt built up over not posting but fearing the expectation of having to resume posting if I came back. I just didn’t know if I could do it all. 
The Future
That is why I say this to you with every ounce of love in my heart: Screw any expectations you may have of me, lol. I don’t expect you have expectations, but I’m telling myself that even if you do, I don’t have to follow them. I’m aggressively giving myself permission.
I do have some stories in my drafts and in my head that I want to put out to the world. Someday, once all of my debts are paid and I can live comfortably, I want to get back to writing full time. My dream is to put my own book out there for the world. 
For now, I think I’m going to put stories out into the world as I’m able. I don’t know how often it will be, perhaps once a year? Perhaps once a week? I also don’t know what the subject or fandom will be. This time, I’m discovering the path as I go with no destination in mind. 
I am here, I look at all of my notifications, and I miss all of you. I hope you find pleasure in my writing.
In closing, I love you all and hope you can find peace in all I can give you. 
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i8jisoo · 4 years ago
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𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 ⇉ skz with pregnant!reader 
hyunjin x reader | part four of dad!skz
↬ genre; fluff
↬ warnings; pregnancy, lots of cursing (i have a streak), birth, n kkami bein a meanie
↬ notes; ok this might be my fav in the series | 1.5k wc
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u and hyunjin actually were broken up when u found out about the pregnancy
u waited (stalled fuck off) until five months since u really didnt know what to do with the news
u kinda feel like ur insane, playing your ex-boyfriends music constantly and watching interviews of him but it kept u company and gave u a reminder that u still needed to tell him
u got this rly cute popped out bump, just rly kinda like those movies but u know its gonna get bigger and grow to have stretch marks
one day ur just sitting on the sofa of your apartment n the next thing u know ur door is being opened and hyunjin is barging in
ofc ur in a sports bras and a pair of basketball shorts cause they r comfortable and shirts r overrated
ur there with set out marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate, as well as peppermint sticks on the side just eating them together
ur in the middle of eating a smore u had put together
u swallow ur smore slowly, sucking on ur fingertips n just staring at him
“oh my fucking god- and it’s true?” 
ur honestly so confused until u remember u dont have on a shirt n ur bump is showing
ur standing up in a millisecond, hyunjin getting more upset by the second just looking at u
“why— how? how could you just not tell me?”
baby boy has those angry tears and the strained voice hes just so upset and the guilt is setting in for u
“i’m five and a half months.” 
fuck hormones cause next thing u know ur crying and u cant do anything to make it stop
u guys really can’t be mad at each-other, ur relationship was filled with nothing but kindness and it ended only because u two felt it was going no where
ofc u two argued about it and in the end hyunjin was the one who walked out
“we can try again. you can move back in right? we can stay together and put back the pieces.”
u agreed n by the next morning he was there to help u pack ur things up n take them back to his place
he ends up seeing the box of baby stuff, with unopened bottle packages and sonograms, as well as a disc that was labelled as your 3D ultrasound
u find him just sitting there, staring at the black and white sonogram with tears freely falling down his cheeks
he doesn't even notice u next to him until ur thumb swipes the tear away from his cheek
u two just smile at each-other, his arm wrapping around u n pulling u in to his side
“that’s our baby?” he asks, not removing his eyes from the little white blob that barely was the size of a jaw breaker n u just whispered, “yea, it is.”
ur relationship doesn’t exactly get back into what it was at first,,
ur both nervous and cautious around each other
at first he insists he can just sleep on the couch so u can take his bed but u insist u both can sleep together
hyunjin doesn’t mean to but he somehow always winds up with his arm around u n ur bump every morning
he will talk to the bump n tell them how they r gonna have the best mommy n daddy 🥺
“did u know ur mommy is one of my favorite people to be with? i know ur gonna hear the story one day of how we became parents but i have always loved her, even when we weren’t together i loved your mommy. i hope one day you will love someone as much as i love your mommy, i hope you get your mommy’s personality bub.”
ur fake sleeping wbk but u dont move so u can let him talk
around eight months u two are way more comfortable n are getting closer
he lets u borrow his clothes because u used to do that even when u weren’t pregnant and he figured they were more comfortable & better looking than ur maternity outfits 😣
he rly goes the whole nine yards, buying anything u can think of for the baby n he’ll sometimes wake u up from ur sleep (if he’s rly excited) just so he can show u what he bought
hyunjin is in love with u and kkami cuddling together
also when ur due date got closer u both def went out for walks with kkami or played in the dog park with kkami
(u couldn’t really be as active as hyunjin but it was fine with u just watching)
something within hyunjin changes n he just gets so shy n flustered around u ^.^
he’s crushing so hard on u and u can guess he is but then again u two were just living together for the pregnancy
it’s probably three in the morning n hyunjin had just came home
ofc u were crying
a rly cute dog ad was playing with a baby in it as well :(
u explain n hiccup while doing so
hes so s o f t at this moment
he presses a soft kiss to ur lips n ur like wow thats um—
he doesn’t even care how shocked u r this man goes back in for more kisses
“i want you, i wanna be a real family. i wanna one day marry you, have more babies or get other dogs, that’s all i’ve ever wanted since the day we met.”
enywayz u two r dating,, a g a i n
spooning half of the time during ur last few weeks of pregnancy, but the boys come over frequently n for some reason jeongin is always bringing presents?? its cute but u guys RLY didn’t need anymore toys for the baby
u guys r just cuddling n he’s got one hand on ur bump before ur like
“ow,, fuck that hurt.”
“hey don’t swear around the baby!”
u just suppose it’s a hard kick since the baby had been active a lot recently n the pains had been occurring often
kkami is very cuddly today n he’s giving u kisses
hyunjin lowkey jealous cause kkami doesn’t ever give him kisses like that  ⸜( ⌓̈ )⸝
yall ever seen the thing where dogs know pregnant people the best n they can like SENSE something goin on??
well kkami was on it 
baby kkami is sniffing u n just restless in ur lap n its a lil weird cause kkami is ALWAYS sleeping or sitting still cause kkami has turned as lazy as u n hyunjin
u have this feeling but instead u just tell hyunjin u gotta pee :P
newsflash: u didnt n as soon as u got up, boom, theres ur water breaking and running down ur leg
“it feels gross.”
ur literally whining about ur pants while a baby is coming out of ur ... hooha 😳 n hyunjin is freaking out
he’s rushing around the rooms n making sure everything is in the bag and nothing gets left behind
last thing on his mind is changing ur clothes
though he does, putting u in his baggy sweatshirt and a pair of his shorts
hes freaking out lets be honest the thought of u giving birth is fuckin scary
hyunjin is so out of it and spaced out while ur cool n talking normally with pauses everytime theres a contraction
“aish, why are you so worried? i’m the one that should be worried!!”
ur not cool after an u hit the four hours in labor mark
u do not want to be t o u c h e d
touching u is off limits ur so sweaty n ur body feels like its crumbling u cannot deal with someone holding ur hand or holding u
hyunjin just sits there
hes kinda in a different realm while he stares at the clock on the wall
hes so ready to meet the baby but apparently ur body was exactly 4 centimetres not ready :(
hes just trying to distract u by talking with the boys n his other friends, all of the face timing to talk to the parents to be 🥺
yall r wrapping up a call with jeongin when u have the built up pressure feeling again
he doesn’t even explain to jeongin hes so quickly to hang up n ask u whats wrong
“i— it feels like i have to push.”
he’s already pressing the pretty lil white button on ur bed for the nurses n doctors
they confirm that u indeed r ready to push and that the baby is in position
hyunjin trying to take a peek WHAT A WEIRDO
yall hearing ur baby has a head full of hair and u just give hyunjin this look
like WTF no wonder why u had so much heartburn its because of ur fuckin rapunzel baby daddy
here comes the cries, loud n u just heard the quietest sob from beside u which was hyunjin
“it’s a baby boy, congrats!!”
his lil puppy baby boy 🥺
he had a lil pout like his daddy n his brown locks on top of his head
it was kinda creepy how similar they looked
anyways u dont care ur lil boy is p e r f e c t and nobody could dare tell yall different
u would disagree anyways because thats ur lil pouty baby boy n hes so cute 🥺
“we got a pretty good break-up story right? one for the books.”
he’s got baby boy in his arms bundled up but that doesn’t stop u from smacking his arm before kissing him quickly
“yea, we do.”
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©️ maysdiors 2020 :: all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.
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sope-and-shine · 4 years ago
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Kitten
-> Pairing: Cat shifter!Jin x Reader (ft. Bunny shifter!Baby Koo)
-> SFW // fluff, humor, angst
-> Word Count: 5.5k
-> Summary: A cat is an adult kitten. A rabbit is an adult kit. Cat shifter Jin is not excited to have baby rabbit shifter Jeongguk.
-> Warning(s): Jin’s a jealous baby, mild language, bunny baby koo is very threatening everyone
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“Take it back.” 
“No.” You hadn’t even made it to the living room before you were stopped by your boyfriend. You had hoped the blanket would cover any suspicious body language you’d possibly give off, but having a shifter boyfriend with enhanced smell didn’t help.
“Take it back.” He says again, anger evident in his voice. 
“Jin-” You had a feeling he wouldn’t be okay with your last minute decision when you made it, but you figured he’d at least let you explain. However, the adult cat shifter in front of you did not share the same thoughts. The way his eyes glare at the orange cloth in your arm is enough evidence.
“Take it back, (Y/n).”
“He’s not an it, Jin!” You scold, holding the small bunny swaddled in a blanket closer to your chest. “He’s a shifter just like you, and the little guy needs a good home! What would be a better home for him than a home with a smart, talented, reliable-”
“I see what you’re doing, and it’s not going to work-!” He was no stranger to this tactic. You’ve used it before when he wouldn’t go on a rollercoaster or through a haunted house, and every time he would fall for it because he couldn’t resist the look you gave him.
“-Handsome shifter like yourself?!”
Now was the time when he needed to have more strength.
He sighs, closing his eyes as a way to remain calm, “We don’t need him.”
“Don’t say that when he’s right here, you grumpy feline! You should know better than that!” You knew bringing another shifter into the home wouldn’t be the best idea despite how gentle and loving Seokjin was, but you thought he would at least be open to the idea of helping a shifter in need of a home. Especially one so young! “Jinnie, you should have seen him in that so called home! I couldn’t leave him there while he waited for a real place to go home to!”
Of all the crazy things you’d done in your friendship as well as your romantic relationship, this one had to take the cake. Not only did you bring home a bunny, you brought home a bunny shifter. One that needed care and attention. He needed care and attention! “Look at him! He’s going to take all of your attention! He’s already taking it!”
“Oh, don’t behave like a child! This isn’t permanent, Jinnie. So, for now he’s staying.” You were confident that if he spent just a little bit of time with Jeongguk and got used to the bunny shifter, that he’d be much happier to have him in your home.
“I’m a male, adult cat! Did you think I was just going to be all happy about this? Especially a shifter that isn’t a cat?!” He asks. “Is this some sort of hormone phase you’re going through?”
“This is not a hormone thing!” You glare at the stubborn man, right hand squeezing around the handle of the plastic bag it carries. You heave a sigh, “I was hoping you’d at least be more welcoming to a young shifter in need of some love and attention.”
“I would be. I really would be.” Raising his hands to his face, Jin presses his palms into his cheeks. His eyes close and reopen, a bright, sunny smile taking place of his frown, “But I want all of your love and attention and he’s taking that.”
“Well, tough luck, Kitty!” You turn yourself away from him and take a few more steps towards the kitchen before the bunny in your arms shifts, stilling for just a moment before he moves again. You smile, “Oh, he’s waking up~”
The kit’s nose twitches a few times, inhaling your scent before he opens his eyes. He blinks once, then three more times, almost as if the little shifter thinks he’s in a dream. In a fluid motion - one that you don’t think you’ll ever grow accustomed to - the small rabbit’s paws stretch out and he shifts into the small boy you met at the shelter with big, brown eyes and a mess of dark brown hair on top of his head all fluffed up from the nap he’d taken. His doe eyes look into yours, then glance behind you as his nose catches the scent of another shifter in his presence. You watch him as he stares back at Jin, his expression unreadable as the older shifter tries not to glare at a child half his size. 
“Jeongguk, this is Seokjin.” You introduce, giving the boy a soft smile as you turn your body to face the other shifter in the house with him. You look to Jin and give him one of your more firm smiles as a warning, “Jinnie, this is Kookie.” You move to bring Jeongguk closer to him, only to have him hold up a hand and stop you before you come any closer. 
“I’m good.” Ignoring your glare, he turns his hand to offer a handshake to the small child in your arms and smirks, “Hello, Jeongguk.”
Jeongguk stares at the hand before him, hesitant to reach out and shake one much larger than his own. Instead, the small boy makes a fist and puts it against Jin’s palm, “Hi…” The two have what looks to be a one-sided stare down, with Jeongguk unsure of how he should act around the older shifter and Jin doing the actual glaring.
“Why don’t we eat dinner?” You break up their ‘contest’ with the mention of food, taking the unaware child away from the jealous cat that definitely wasn’t finished with your conversation from before. You set Guk on the counter next to the groceries, changing your attention to find the bag holding the food you’d bought for the three of you.
“Now, I bought this while I was out, but we can cook dinner together tomorrow.” You take out the three boxes of food you’d purchased at the store while Jeongguk had slept in the cart, ignoring the presence of Jin standing over your shoulder. You grab the box you’d made for Guk and place it on the counter before moving the young shifter so he’s not at the edge of the counter, “Here you go, Kookie~”
“Thank you, Miss (Y/n)...” He gives you a toothy grin before grabbing his chopsticks to dig in. You watch him for a moment, stifling a giggle as his fried tofu slips out of his grip. Behind you, you can hear the sound of another container opening, Jin taking a plate for himself to eat. At least for now you can try and show Jin the positive side of having Jeongguk in your home.
...
“Bleh!” You hear the retching sound come from behind you, “What is this?!”
“What do you mean?” You ask. You turn around, watching as Seokjin pushes his tongue under the top of his teeth as if that would save his poor taste buds from the flavor you’d subjected him to. The tray you’d heard him open sits on the counter with a used napkin just to the side, no doubt holding the food he was trying to forget for some reason.
The feline in question gives you a heated glare, eye moving between you and the tray of food, “I mean this-this-...this blasphemy?!” 
Your brow raises in confusion, “Are you referring to the tofu?”
“Of course I’m referring to the tofu!” His pout almost has you convinced, but this is Jin.
He’s eaten tofu before. 
He’s cooked it for the both of you on multiple occasions. 
He’s the one that wants you to buy tofu.
You take a deep breath in, choosing to remain calm with Jeongguk still in the room eating his own food, “Jinnie...you’ve eaten tofu before...”
“No ma’am! This is an abomination.” He argues. Jin knew good and well why you bought tofu for everyone, and he was going to use that knowledge as leverage for why you couldn’t keep the bunny shifter happily munching away on the counter. 
The boy in question tilts his head, one ear flopping behind his head, “Adomnimation...?” He says, confused as to what the word meant.
“Abomination, Kookie. Don’t worry about it.” You coo, turning your attention back to him. You pull him into your arms and rest him on your hip, using your now free hand to grab his plate and walk him over to the table. You set him down in a chair and place his food in front of him, ruffling his hair just a tad as he looks at you with his big doe eyes. You smile, “Sit right here and enjoy your food, okay? Jinnie and I are going to go talk in the other room. Yell if you need me.”
“Okay, Miss (Y/n).” The little boy returns to his food, happily munching on his tofu and swinging his feet that don’t touch anywhere near the floor. 
You walk out of the kitchen, Jin hot on your trail. You lead him to your bedroom where you crack the door before turning to him, “What is your problem?”
“My problem is the tiny little crotch goblin trying to steal your heart!” He complains. Jin was many things; handsome, intelligent, a great cook, and very jealous. You knew that! So, why you brought home another creature requiring attention was beyond him.
“Do not refer to Jeongguk as a crotch goblin! He is a child.” You fire back, trying to remain as calm and level headed as you can with the man in front of you. 
“A child trying to steal your heart!” Jin’s angered frown turns into more of a pout, his arms reaching out to your shoulders and pulling you into his chest while he buries his nose into your neck where the young rabbit shifter has been laying. It was petty - and honestly, just a little pathetic - but he couldn’t help it. “I have your heart.”
“You do have my heart, Jinnie, and Jeongguk being here won’t change that.” You say, voice muffled by the firm chest in front of you. This was how most of your fights usually ended, one of you holding the other to calm down before things got out of hand. You let your arms wrap around his middle and squeeze, feeling the heavy pressure that had built up fall off your shoulders. You sigh, “I know you don’t like this set up. I’m sorry. I should have said something to you before I brought him home.”
“You should have.” He grumbles into your neck, making you giggle.
“But I knew that my handsome kitty would be the best person to help me look after Jeongguk while the people at the shelter look for a home for him.” You pull away from him just enough to look at him, “I know this is a tough adjustment, and I should’ve been a little more considerate to your feelings on the matter, but I couldn’t let him stay in that shelter waiting for a forever home by himself.”
Jin had told you what his childhood had been like living in a shelter. It wasn’t the worst experience he’s ever had in his life, but a shelter was no place for a child. Most of the shelter was overrun by shifters that had been pushed to the streets with nowhere to go, unable to find a job that would accept them or a home that would allow them to stay. Even with all the laws put in place to push for shifter’s rights, it wasn’t an easy road by any means. Unfortunately, Jin knew that all too well and had watched it happen to others in his life.
“He stays until he finds a home.” Jin sighs. Even if he wasn’t totally okay with your actions and was still reeling from a pinch of jealousy, he knew that if you really took the little bunny home he’d never forgive himself. He couldn’t do that. “This doesn’t mean that I like him. I will tolerate him for you.”
“You won’t regret this, Jinnie!” You reach up to place a quick peck against his lips, “Let’s go eat!”
*
*
*
After the talk you’d had with the jealous cat, he seemed to be much more ‘welcoming’ to the little kit. He finished his tofu without complaint - especially since you knew he liked what you’d bought for him - and even decided to start a small conversation with Jeongguk. It wasn’t a great conversation, mostly consisting of him asking questions with words larger than the poor kit could understand. Then again, that was probably Jin still being petty towards a child. You knew he couldn’t help it, and that there was a part of him that was probably ashamed of his own behavior towards Jeongguk as well, but you were just glad he was being...nicer.
Now, as the both of you lay in bed after washing up both yourselves and Guk, you hold your boyfriend close to you as a way to apologize. His face rests in the crook of your neck, lightly sniffing and nuzzling your scents together with arms around your waist as you run a hand through his hair and another over his broad shoulders. 
“Thank you for being nice.” You say, resting your cheek against the soft strands of Jin’s hair, “I know it’s not ideal, and I really am sorry I didn’t talk to you about it first.”
“Ah…” Jin sighs. He raises his head to rest his chin on your chest, brown eyes staring up at you, “I can’t be mad at you either. My beautiful girl is just too kind for this world!”
You smile, feeling heat rising to your cheeks and Jin chuckles, “But it was pretty bad of you to not talk to me about a decision like this…Maybe you and I should have a talk~”
“Jin…” You whine, hiding your face behind the palm of your hand. 
Jin takes your hand and pulls it away, leaning forward to place a kiss on your cheek. He goes to place another on your lips when a beat of thunder rumbles in the sky above, a small voice crying out after, “Miss (Y/n)...!” 
You go to move but Jin holds you in place with a hand threaded in your hair, “He’s fine.”
Jin leans in for another kiss, but another crash of thunder followed by a, “Miss (Y/n)!” stops him. A soft thud comes from the next room, followed by a soft patter of footsteps and Jin sighs, “You’ve gotta be kidding me…”
“Get a hold of yourself.” You scold. The little boy in question comes bounding into the room, arms stretched out reaching for you in the darkness. Just as you prepare for his little body to jump on top of you, you’re surprised when midair the doe-eyed boy turns into a little bunny and bumps into your chest. “Oh! Kookie!”
His little nose digs in between your breasts, trying to hide himself away as much as he can with his whimpers being muffled by your body. You adjust your hold on him to be able to pet him, hoping to provide some more reassurance than the soft cooing that leaves your lips, “It’s okay, Kookie...it’s just a little thunder.”
Jin adds his own hand to the small rabbit’s back, “Yeah, let’s just take you right back to bed.” 
The pink haired man tries to slip his hands under the rabbit, but the small shifter quickly shifts back to a boy to wrap himself around your body, “I don’t wanna go back! It’s too scary…”
“Oh…” You wrap your arms tighter around the small boy, “You can stay in here with us, Kookie, it’s okay.”
Jin’s eyes widen, “What?!” 
“He stays in here with both of us or just me. You choose.” You turn your back to Jin and tuck Jeongguk under the covers with you, paying no mind to the overdramatic man behind you.
“Fine.” He huffs, pulling the covers up to his shoulders and glaring at the fluffy ears resting over your shoulder. He glares, ‘You win this round, crotch goblin.’
*
*
*
It wasn’t like Jeongguk was ruining Jin’s life.
Except to Jin he most definitely was. The bedroom incident was just one of many encounters that managed to tick Jin off.  
Jin sits on the couch enjoying the recording he had missed the other night for Moana. He didn’t mind watching Moana instead - though he could do without the little voice screaming at the top of it’s lungs - but now it was Seokjin time.
And that’s a time that should not be messed with. 
He’s only 10 minutes in when the little thumps of his houseguest leave the kitchen and come to him. He tries to ignore the small shifter as he hides behind his armrest, but it’s hard to ignore the little hands that still have traces of syrup on them.
“Can we watch cartoons, Jinnie?” The bunny asks.
Jin shakes his head, refusing to look over, “It’s Seokjin, and not right now.”
“But I really wanna watch cartoons, Seokjinnie.”
When Jin still doesn’t acknowledge him, Jeongguk tries to tap on the cat shifters arm. His syrup coated fingers pull at Jin’s arm and the man is quick to turn, “Seokjin is watching his shows. Go wash your hands.”
The little bunny pouts, looking at his hands before rushing off to the bathroom. Jin can hear the water running from the couch and it makes him smile knowing he’d gotten the small child to do as he asked. It’s when he returns that Jin is not quite as happy.
The brunette boy climbs onto the couch next to the older shifter, using his pant leg to pull him up much to Seokjin’s displeasure. He sits himself in the middle of the couch beside Seokjin, but his focus isn’t on the TV. “Why can’t we watch Kookie’s show, Seokjinnie?”
“Because Seokjinnie says it’s big boy time and cartoons are for babies!” The man huffs. He truly hadn’t thought before he spoke to Jeongguk, he honestly forgot that he can’t talk to a child the way he would scold Namjoon. It’s when Jeongguk’s disappointed pout turns into soft sniffles and the twitching of the little boy’s nose that he even realizes what he’s done. “No. No, please don’t do that. Don’t cry…”
“I’m n-not a b-baby! K-Kookie is a big boy!” The rabbit shifter defends, wiping at the tears in his eyes before they fall. He tries so hard to put on a brave face in front of Seokjin, but his heart has already been far too hurt. He moves his hands to his ears and pulls them over his eyes, “I’m a bi..buh…”
From the bedroom upstairs, you peek your head out, “Jinnie? Is everything okay down there?”
“Everything is fine!” He yells back. He grabs the remote to turn up the TV volume before he turns to Jeongguk, “Come here! Please, stop crying!”
Even as Seokjin brings the boy into his arms, the small child is still letting out soft sobs and tiny sniffles, “-m nah crying...crings fer b-babies!”
He tries his best to soothe the bunny just how you would, but his small sobs don’t seem to stop. Out of panic, Jin changes the channel to the first kids show he can find, turning up the volume some more to play over the sounds of Jeongguk’s crying with the sounds of high pitched puppets singing about numbers.
“Look! It’s a kids show!” Jin lifts the crying boy from his arms and repositions him on his lap, softly shaking his shoulders to get his full attention.
“Wha..?” The bun lets his ears fall to the side and it takes him a second to realize what he’s seeing before his doe-eyes light up at the sight of his favorite cartoon. Out of excitement, the small shifter grabs the arm that Jin uses to keep him from falling off the couch, “Puppet Friends!”
“Hey! Let go of my arm, crotch goblin! Seokjinnie doesn’t like this!” Jin tries to pull his arm away, but the little boy only shushes him.
“Shh! You can’t interrupt Frog Puppet! That’s not nice, Seokjinnie!”
“Yeah? Well, let Seokjinnie tell you something, little bunny. That frog puppet isn-” 
“Oh my gosh!” Your squeal of excitement cuts off the cat shifter before he can say anything more. You rush over with your phone out and ready and take a picture, “Look at the two of you sitting together watching cartoons!” You come to the side of the couch so you won’t get in the little boy's way and press a soft kiss to Seokjin’s lips, “Thank you.”
The look of pure adoration you give him makes his heart flutter, “Yeah...no problem.”
So maybe that situation didn’t turn out too bad for him, even if he did have to finish watching Puppet Friends. But if he thought that TV was the only issue he would have, then he was wrong.   
“What did you do?” 
Before Jin is a sight he never thought he’d be seeing in his spare bedroom. Glitter glue bottles and crayons are spread around the floor, some with glue still dripping out of the bottle or the wrappings torn off next to the crayons. Beads and stickers decorate the surrounding areas around them, specks of glitter shimmering on the carpet every time he turns his head to look at something new that catches his eye. Even articles of clothing were lying haphazardly on the floor with glitter and glue covering them, but none of that meant anything to the bunny boy happily coloring on the floor.
He looks up to the older shifter with a toothy grin, “I’m making art for Miss (Y/n) when she gets done with adult time! I used the art stuff she got me!”
“Yes. Yes, I see that.” Jin tries to take in the sight of his guest bedroom with a grain of salt, knowing in the back of his mind that the little boy just wants to do something nice. If it had been anyone else he would already be yelling, but after the last time he misspoke to the child he didn’t want to go through that panic again. He takes a very deep breath, “Jeongguk, you’ve made a really big mess here!”
“Is not a mess, Seokjinnie! It’s art!” The brunette boy reaches behind the end of his bed and pulls out a folded mess of fabric, glitter, and stickers, “Look.” Before him was what used to be his favorite blue, button down shirt with ‘Bestest Silly Cook!’ written in various colors of glitter glue and stickers of all shapes and sizes. 
“Is-...did you get this from my closet?” 
“Yeah!” He nods, ears swinging, “(Y/n) said you were the best cook, but you were silly too! I couldn’t choose just one!”
The blonde is almost rendered speechless, “That’s...great! Keep working~” He gives the kit a thumbs up and closes his door, turning down the hall to yell at his girlfriend, “(Y/n)!”
Your head pops out of your bedroom door, your music softly playing into the hall, “Yes?”
“Your adult time is over!” He motions for you to come to him and you do, letting him open the door to your destroyed guest bedroom so you can see what the boy had done, “Do you see this?!”
You notice the mess - both on the little by and the room - but you can’t pass over the crumpled shirt that lays by his side, “Aww, that’s so cute Jinnie. He likes you!”
“He likes to make messes too!”
You roll your eyes playfully, “He’s a kid. You should be happy he thinks so highly of you~”
“He’s a crotch goblin and he’s just ruined my favorite piece of clothing!” You laugh at his dilemma, but the cat doesn’t find the situation as funny, “Don’t laugh at me! Fix this!”
“Okay!” You throw your hands up in surrender, “I’ll have him clean up his mess and I’ll take him to buy you a new shirt to replace the masterpiece he made.”
“Masterpiece? Yeah, sure. Whatever you say.”
He’d never admit that he hid the shirt away in his closet to keep it, because then he’d have to admit that he was wrong. He’d hide it forever and a day. But the icing on the cake had to be that first weekend you left them alone together. Not only did you leave Jin to care for the small, annoying bunny shifter.
You left him to care for the small, annoying, sick bunny shifter.
“Come home.”
In the 4 hours that you’ve been gone, Jeongguk has already thrown up on himself, his bed, and Jin twice. His fever was higher than the sun yet low enough to not be a hospital visit. And he refused to eat any of the soup and take the medicine that both you and Jin had gotten for him. It’s nothing short of a miracle that the young shifter finally fell asleep.
You look over your shoulder to make sure the conference isn’t starting before turning back to him, “Would you stop being dramatic? You’ve taken care of me when I’m sick plenty of times. You even took care of Namjoon!” 
“Yeah, well, at least Namjoon can blow his own nose!” Jin argues. From the small nest in the middle of the floor, JIn can hear the soft whimpers of the little boy and he sighs, “I did not sign up for this, (Y/n).”
“Jinnie~”
“No-” He holds his finger to you, “Don’t try to push your womanly charms on me to make me submit to your wishes!”
“You’ve never complained before.” Jin glares and you laugh, “Look, I’ll be home Sunday afternoon and then I will take care of Kookie all week. Just take care of him until I get back.” Jin groans and you move yourself farther away from the other people around you, “If you do a good job and he gets all better, then maybe I’ll thank you.” 
This seems to peak his interest, “Oh, really?” 
“If he’s still at the house when I get back.”
“He’ll be here.” He looks over to the young boy huddled under the softest blanket in the house and sighs, “I guess as long as he keeps himself tucked in then I can survive another day and a half.”
“I know you can do it, Jinnie.” You flash him a smile before you hear the speaker behind you step up to the mic, “I gotta go! Love you!”
“Love you too.” You hang up on him and he’s left with his lockscreen of your smiling face next to his. He looks up to the sky and closes his eyes, “Please give me the strength.”
---
Despite how terrible his Friday evening had gone, Jin’s parental instincts wouldn’t let him stray away from the kit lying in the guest bedroom. Sure, he put it off the first few times as just doing what you had asked him to. He was a responsible adult shifter, and he could take care of a child by himself for 3 days. But then, he continued visiting the guest room. He checked his temperature once every hour, changed the rag on his head every half hour on the dot, and woke him up twice now to give him medicine and some water. 
He didn’t like the bunny shifter. He just felt bad.
Simple as that.
There was no attachment.
But despite what he said to himself, it took all of Jin’s strength to remain seated on the couch watching baking shows instead of checking up on the bunny once again. It wasn’t like he cared or anything. 
He just didn’t want you to kick him out of the house for not taking care of him.
“Seokjinnie…?” Jin looks down to the nest he’d made in the middle of the living room to see Jeongguk sitting up with a blanket in hands. His hair is all tousled and he has a sheen of sweet covering him. His doe eyes that are usually shining and full of excitement are droopy and tired. 
If there was ever a picture that didn’t look like Jeongguk, it was this one.
“Hey, look who’s awake.” Jin pauses his show and gets up off the couch, crawling over to the mass of blankets that swallows the rabbit. He places the back of his hand against the young shifter’s sweaty forehead to feel his broken fever, “How do you feel?”
“I-” He tries to breathe in, “I can’t smell.”
“You can’t smell?” He asks, the little boy shaking his head, “Oh no! Let’s go get you cleaned up, okay? A bath should take care of that!”
Jeongguk nods and simply puts up his arms to be picked up, letting Jin pull him into his embrace and carry him off to the bathroom. His little arms stay in a loose grip around the older shifters neck while he draws his bath for him. Even when Jin moves him to the bath, the small boy doesn’t want to let go. But Jin manages to coax him off of his shoulders and into the warm water.
As he washes away the sweat, he tries to coax a smile onto the boy's face. But no bath toys or copious amounts of bubble beards seem to do the trick. The personality change has Jin worried that the small shifter may be having a more serious issue than you and he had originally thought.
After Jin pulls the plug on the tub and gets the boy out to dry him off, Jeongguk finally speaks up again, “Is Miss (Y/n) home yet?”
“Not yet. Tomorrow.”
“Oh…” The disappointment in the boy’s voice isn’t missed, and the blonde feels the ache in his heart.
“Do you feel better now?” Seokjin asks after the young shifter has had his hair dried and his warm pajamas pulled on. He nods, but doesn’t say anything more. He only stands in front of the cat shifter and Jin sighs, “You’re okay. C’mon.”
Jin lifts him into his arms again and carries him out of the bathroom, taking him past his bedroom to the stairs, “No bed?”
“No bed.” Jin assures him. He takes him back to the living room and picks up two of the blankets from the nest on the floor. He sits them both on the couch and wraps the little boy on his lap in the soft fabric, “You’re going to sit with me for a bit. We can watch cartoons.”
Jin turns the TV on once the boy is thoroughly swaddled and changes the channel to the Fox and the Hound, setting the remote down beside him before letting his arm rest over Jeongguk. They only get a few minutes in before Jin feels the poor thing shaking on his lap.
“Are you cold?” He asks. Jeongguk nods and Jin takes a moment to think. Instead of grabbing another blanket, he takes off the hoodies he’s wearing. He unwraps the little boy from his blanket prison and pulls his hoodie down over his head, swallowing the little boy in the sea of fabric, “Better?”
Jeongguk nods. His long ears are tucked into the collar of the hood, but he makes no move to fix them. Instead, the young boy turns himself so he sits sideways on Seokjin’s lap. His little hands grab onto his blue undershirt and he lays his head on his chest.
“Do you want to take a nap?” Jin asks.
Jeongguk nods and Jin grabs his legs, moving them so the little boy can lay out next to him. The little hands on his shirt don’t let go, even when he grabs the blanket to throw over the two of them. Jin tries to turn him around so he can see the cartoon, but the bunny doesn’t budge.
“Kookie...don’t you want to watch the TV?”
He shakes his head, “Wanna cuddle...Seokjinnie.”
Jin feels his heart tighten, and it constricts further when the boy stretches out and shifts into the small kit he is with ears still too long for him. He nuzzles into his chest, and all Jin can do is wrap an arm over him to keep the bun from shifting again and rolling off the couch. 
Maybe the next 16 hours wouldn’t be so bad.
---
It’s just after 2pm when you finally walk through your front door, “Jinnie! Kookie! I’m home!” 
You set your bags down next to the door and remove your shoes, waiting for an answer but you don’t get one, “Jinnie! Kookie?” 
You hear the TV but neither one of them makes a sound. You grow worried, “Did they go get food without me?”
You go to the living room where the TV still plays, but you’re taken by surprise when you see the giant nest of blankets and pillows that sits in the middle of your floor. At the top of the pile is your small brown bunny with your blonde kitty, the feline curled over the kit’s lower half and his chin resting on the back of Jeongguk’s neck.  
Jin purrs and his ears twitch, but he remains resting securely over your foster bunny. His tail flicks and curls around the both of them, and you can’t stop the awe that leaves your mouth, “Oh...my boys…”
129 notes · View notes
jiikyu · 4 years ago
Text
Taste of Marigolds In Bloom
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Herb of the Sun — Or Marigold was often used during the Middle Ages as a love charm. Carrying one of these brightly colored flowers was thought to bring love.
Though be warned for they are also poisonous.
Chapter I. You find a lost girl in Musutafu, unknowingly the experience ends up being a life changing encounter. Be it for better or for worse.
∘◦ ✿ ◦∘
All characters are 18+
Yandere!Mirio x Fem!Reader(AΩβ)
Y/N = Your Name
F/N = Your Full Name
E/C = Eye Color
H/C = Hair Color
Warnings: Yandere/Unhealthy Behavior + A large dose of sweetness in the beginning :)
Next Chapter Here❦
∘◦ ✿ ◦∘
Rounding the corner brings yet another flashing sign desperately trying to catch your attention. It’s noon and Musutafus streets are at their peak, narrow pavement overflowing with bodies. Winding your way through the mobs as you make your way to the small cafe.
You are meeting a friend in celebration.
With the perfect combination of brisk fall air and the sun warming your cheeks with kisses you ignore the tugging of your heart attempting to weigh you down. 
You had done it. 
Somehow you had qualified for the transfer over to U.A.
Though, it may not be the course you had dreamed of as a child  — Being born quirkless had made that impossible — It’s a celebration none the less! One you were more than excited to share with your friends.
Even if deep down you know you don’t deserve the transfer. 
You had hoped for the fresh air to be soothing before your meet up... But with the streets busier than ever the constant bumping of shoulders and bags is starting to take an edge on the nerves you’ve managed to keep under wraps.
Maybe it’s nothing, maybe it’s just your damned Omega instincts acting up, but the crowd just isn’t appealing anymore. A moment away from the constant onslaught is all you need.
Finding your way through the living maze to where you know Musutafus Park sits overlooking the city streets. The park is a well known treasure, covered in playgrounds and fountains it’s quite popular for tourist, it’s crown jewel however is the All Might statue centering it. Even local food stands patrol its borders for customers. 
Just standing at the Parks sidewalk already leaves you with a calm.
That’s before you notice you are not the only one away from the packed crowd. Out of the corner of your eye you see the small figure, something you would have never payed attention too normally but something about the image just doesn’t sit right. 
A young girl with silver waist length hair she stares unmoving at the edge of the amalgamation of people. You cannot help but notice the way her small hands clutch together, or the way her eyes follow each passerby, one by one. Almost as if looking for something — No, looking for someone.
Your blood freezes.
You’re probably wrong. Her family probably knows exactly where she is and they’re coming for her right now. Probably... You’ve already begun to make your way towards her.
You make sure to stop a few feet away before making yourself noticed.
“Hi.” Your voice is gentle, so much so it almost gets swept away in the noise of the city. And for a moment you think it had but her crimson strawberry eyes turn to you in acknowledgement before returning to the mob, refusing to look away. Your suspicions only grows at her behavior and you know you have to continue.
“My name is F/N. I go to U.A.”
At the mention of U.A. she turns to you fully... And you see the spark of hope in her eyes, though it only lasts a second before returning to one of caution. It’s strange for someone so young to have such a strong sense of perception. It has the alarm bells in your head growing louder. 
All your studies and practiced lines start racing through your head.
“Here! I have my I.D. with me!” Reaching for your bag you fumble to grab your student I.D., once in hand you make sure to hold it out for her to inspect. “You can call me Y/N, what’s your name?”
The girl gives a long moments pause, looking between you and your picture printed on the plastic carefully before whispering a response. 
“Eri.”
“That’s a pretty name.” You smile. “Do you know where your parents are Eri?”
“I don’t... live with my parents.”
Well shit.
Your classes hadn’t prepared you for this. What do you even say to that? Luckily you don’t have to wrack your brain too much before the lost girl continues.
“I was with my friend before I-I got lost in the crowd.” The girls hands fidget together nervously, lip quivering. “It’s... it’s just that I know he must be so worried right now.”
Her eyes begin to well with tears.
“It’s gonna be okay!” The words slide off your tongue without thought.
It is?
“We can wait for your friend here, how does that sound?” Eri stares at you with big strawberry eyes and you can only pray you sound as confident as the actors in movies. Not even close. Ignoring the thrumming of your heart you give your best smile. The girl gives a shaky nod before reaching up a hand to messily wipe away the moisture from her eyes.
...
You haven’t even waited a full five minutes before you notice Eri staring at something that isn’t the crowd. Not thirty feet away is a concession stand covered in pictures of sweets. 
“I’m kinda hungry...” You lie. “Do you want something from that stand over there?”
Eri’s crimson teardrop eyes shoot up at you beaming. “That s-sounds good.”
∘◦ ✿ ◦∘
At least some luck finds your favor.
You walk right up to the register without having to wait in a line. Asking Eri what she’d like her small finger points to cursive words of the chalkboard menu.
Caramel Apple.
The concession worker hands the ruby red fruit to Eri’s waiting hand. She stares at it with childlike wonder before saying her third quiet ‘Thank you.’ and you then proceed to give your third ‘No need to say thanks!’.
You both take a seat on the open bench besides the food stand. A good vantage point to watch the endlessly moving crowds of people... Subconsciously your teeth find themselves digging into the wall of your cheek. Staring at the horde, it becomes all too clear just how hopeless your efforts are.
Had you made the wrong choice? Yes. Every second that passes is further proof of your error. You should call the authorities now...
You are not a real hero.
A heavy sigh leaves you. Gentle breeze moves through your hair, using the hand currently not holding your own sticky apple to tuck H/C locks behind a ear. You have yet to even take a bite of the your waiting apple before the unexpected happens. Absentmindedly looking over Eri’s head of silver strands you see a figure most definitely sprinting towards the two of you. And you think your heart just about stops in surprise.
“Eri!”
The young girls head swivels to the direction of the mans cry. Noticing how she visibly lights up your shoulders lose a bit of the suddenly built-up tension.
“Mirio!” Eri leaps from the bench abandoning your side to meet the person you can only assume to be Mirio. Unconsciously you stand as well, finding yourself puzzled by the sudden urge to stay by her side.
The man stops his marathon to get down on one knee, arms outspread to meet Eri. She runs holding her caramelized apple high above her head flying into the embrace, making sure not to get the sweet stuck in his sunshine blond hair.
You hadn’t even noticed how your feet moved on their own and now your standing just out of reach, just incase...
“I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry Eri! I looked everywhere!” The man sobs into the hug. You watch Eri’s small hand reach up and pat his shoulder in consolation. The blond pulls away from the hug to properly look at Eri. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”
“I’m okay! Y/N helped me.”
At her words Mirios soft blue eyes fall to the next closet person.
You.
You take this as your cue to further approach, taking a step towards the two you notice it. The aroma of sandalwood and seashore reaches your nose, tied together by a sharp hint of lemongrass. The natural scent radiates off the blond man, but it doesn’t assault your senses, most likely with the help of blockers. You’re painfully familiar with suppressants and blockers, taking your own prescription that dulls your own scent and helps with heats. These days it’s uncommon to meet someone that doesn’t use some form of blocker, even patches or daily gummies are enough to take the edge away from hormones.
Even you have to admit it’s a rather comforting scent for an Alpha of his stature. One would have to be blind to not see he’s built like a brick house, well-defined muscles barely hide under the thin material of a white tee. And when he stands... It’s clear he towers over you. 
A little unnerved by the size difference but you still want to be there for Eri, incase she needs you. Just as you open your mouth to speak your words fall silent. The blond having leaned forward, bowing his head towards you. 
“Thank you so much for looking after Eri! I take full responsibility for not keeping a better eye on her in the crowd.”  Mirio says this with while facing the concrete below, and you stare blankly for probably a little too long.
Oh.
“It was no trouble for me, really!” Unsure how to accept the show of gratitude you try to wriggle your way out. “It’s just, I go to U.A. and all... But I think it’s something anyone would have done.”
Mirio straightens his back at that, mouth forming an ‘o’ shape in surprise before turning to a hopeful smile, palm wiping away the moisture of his eyes. “You go to U.A?”
“Yes, but it’s nothing fancy-“ Your hand rubs the back of your neck sheepishly and your eyes are suddenly trained to the ground. Already feeling shame heat your skin at the prospect of admitting the course you somehow managed to snag in Japan’s most prestigious Hero School. “-I’m in the business course... I’m actually quirkless.”
You end your statement with a fake laugh, like it’s some kind of joke.
The joke must’ve landed flat because there’s only silence and you swear you hear your pulse quicken. Afraid to look up from the hole your eyes currently burn into the leather of your shoe. Afraid to see judgment. Steeling yourself for the worst you look up...
Deep pools of blue stare back at you, overflowing with warmth and wonderment — It almost takes you aback. Something swims just under the surface of those ocean eyes though you’re to dazed to notice. Mirio breaks the spell you’ve fallen under with a heartfelt grin.
“I think that’s something really special Y/N.” Those words just about short circuit the wiring of your brain. “That, there’s so many hero’s with quirks it’s easy to just let someone else step in and take care of the situation.”
“So I can’t thank you enough for taking care of Eri. For being the one to step in and save her.” His large hand pats the top the girls head, ruffling the silver locks playfully, the corners of her mouth upturning to a shy smile. “And for fixing my mistake.”
You’re completely at a loss, for words, for thoughts. It’s like this man just read your emotions and there’s nothing you can say.
So you don’t.
Instead a tear rolls down your cheek and your vision begins to blur at the corners. Promises of an oncoming flood.
Mirios smile falls.
You barely notice him take the first step towards you, a whimper threatening to escape your throat in anticipation of contact, but it never comes. The Alpha having stopped just out your reach, large hand twitching at his side. He doesn’t touch you. Instead the smell of tidal waves and wood flares to life. A soothing gesture usually done between courting mates, bonded pairs or the pacifying of a child. All of which you are none. Regardless you respond to it without thought, finding yourself calmed by the sea you’re able to take a breath. After realizing what he’d done you waste no time in hiding the evidence of the tear by smearing it under your thumb. Crushing it.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” His voice sounds genuinely pained and you wonder... Had he used his scent subconsciously or consciously?
“No, I’m sorry.” You’re embarrassed at your own weakness. What a terrible display. “I should get going.”
“Are you okay?” Eri’s small voice breaks your thoughts, still holding the uneaten ruby apple in one hand.
“I’m fine don’t worry. I’m sorry Eri, I forgot I’m meeting a friend today, but I’m so glad I got to meet you.” You say crouching to her level, saying your next words in a quieter childish tone. “Just make sure Mirio doesn’t lose you again!”
It’s meant as a tease but there’s some concern bled into the jab and the young girl nods her head in all seriousness.
“Bye Y/N!” Eri, the shy girl, gifts you a smile before grabbing Mirios hand, her digits dwarfed by his own. “Thank you for the apple!”
Standing you notice Mirio hasn’t moved an inch away from you. You may have only just met but the Alpha appears to be lost in thought. Soft features resting frozen, thick brows knitted together in concentration, as if... Noticing your eyes on him he drops the look in one smooth motion, giving you just about the brightest smile you’ve ever seen.
“We’re not gonna make the same mistake, right Eri?” The blond gives a reassuring squeeze to the girls hand and she returns the gesture by tightening her grip. Mirio shoots a goofy thumbs-up in your direction before turning away, Eri following at the hip.
His last words are spoken with his back to you. “Thanks again Y/N. I hope we see each other again at U.A.”
Wait does that mean...
Mirio attends the same school as you?
“Y-yeah!” The reply barely leaves your tongue. The whole situation may have scrambled your brain but you can’t help the warm smile that stretches over your features.
Watching the two disappear into the dying crowd you feel your phone vibrate in your back pocket. Grabbing the device you lightly tap the home button to see...
Nine unread texts and three missed calls?
How had you not noticed your phone going off like crazy? Your friend is going to kill you.
∘◦ ✿ ◦∘
And you had missed it.
Missed the way ocean blue eyes sought you out one last time before getting lost in the sea of strangers.
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iloveyou3thousand · 4 years ago
Text
what he’d been missing
Pairing: Starker Rating: Explicit Word count: 2668 A/N: This was written for the @starkerkink Kink Exchange, for @iammagicfishhook who asked for some monsterfucking. I really hope you like it!!
Tags/TWs: explicit sexual content, werewolf Tony and human Peter, werewolf sex, werewolf anatomy, belly bulge, knotting, rimming, bottom Peter
Read it on AO3 here!
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It had taken them a little while, but they had finally figured it out.
Before they had gotten together, Peter had one day found out that Tony wasn’t like most people he knew. It had been entirely by accident, had happened only because Peter had been up later than usual working on a project. By chance, his extra sensitive hearing had picked up on something stalking the compound and he’d gone to investigate, only to find a large beast roaming the compound grounds.
That could have been that. The compound was in the middle of nowhere, after all, surrounded by woods that stretched for miles upon miles – the animal could have stumbled upon the building and gone to investigate.
Peter had quickly found out that the intruder hadn’t come from elsewhere, though. He’d come from within.
Weeks later, after dancing around each other for months with neither of them brave enough or confident enough to be the one to take the first real step forward, they got together with a kiss that was about as accidental as Peter finding out that Tony was a werewolf.
Tony allowed Peter to be nearby during his shifts, from that moment on. Peter had already seen him change before, had been near in the past, had seen him and approached him and gotten to know him a little better, in a sense. But now that they were together, it felt almost like it was more serious. Like being there during the full moon carried more weight than it did before.
And it did. Unbeknownst to the both of them, at least at first, the fact that Peter was there almost every time Tony shifted, changed something in the wolf’s biology. He had always responded differently to Peter, but that was only getting worse with every shift. On the outside, it didn’t appear like it had changed much, but on the inside, every time Tony shifted, he grew more and more restless to the point where even Peter started to notice it in his behavior.
Tony would always come up to Peter and push his head against the younger man’s hand for some quick affection, but that grew into a firmer push, a more demanding gesture, with Tony not leaving until he’d nearly pushed Peter to his ass and could rub himself against the other without fear of Peter getting away.
He also started grooming Peter, almost as if he were one of his own, as if he were a wolf, too. Or he would get snappy at anything and everything that could possibly pose a threat to Peter, from a little wild rabbit showing its little face at the edge of the woods to Happy’s car returning from the city to bring Pepper back and forth even just passing them by.
Peter tried not to think about it too much, but the growling and the protectiveness and the restlessness grew worse and worse every time, to the point where he just had to bring it up with Tony.
It took them a while and some help from Bruce to figure out that since getting together, Tony’s hormones had been all over the place. It’s what had been causing the change in his attitude, and the fierce protectiveness. According to the tests they’d done, Tony already viewed Peter as his true mate, even though that connection could never be truly mutual because Peter was human and he didn’t have the kind of senses to pick up on and return that.
At least it helped them in finding a solution.
Going forward, they started trying whatever they could to reassure Tony’s wolf that Peter was his and his alone, and that nothing would ever come in between them or sever the bond they had built. It seemed to work at first, with Tony calming down and resting quite peacefully with Peter during another one of his shifts, but then it came back again. And it came back with twice the force.
When it started to get potentially dangerous for Peter, they both knew that they were approaching desperate times, and thus would have to try and implement some desperate measures.
Luckily, Peter still had a little trick up his sleeve.
When he told Tony, Tony was skeptical. He was worried, for Peter, afraid of hurting him. But Peter countered wisely that if they didn’t try this as a last resort, if this didn’t work, then Tony would end up hurting Peter on accident anyway without there being anything that could stop him. That terrified Tony more than anything else.
All in all, Peter’s plan seemed like the lesser of two evils. (Actually, it didn’t seem like a bad idea at all, but Tony refused to admit that the thought of mounting Peter properly got him so riled up that he had to excuse himself every time he even so much as thought about it.)
The following full moon, they were all set.
In the hours leading up to Tony’s inevitable shift, they lay down together. Peter showered Tony in attention that made him visibly preen already, his instincts close to taking over, but the moon wasn’t quite high enough for him just yet. The younger man passed him a bottle of lube and Tony quietly reconfirmed that he was still sure about this. Peter smiled, cupped Tony’s cheek, and kissed him.
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” he promised, although it didn’t do enough to soothe Tony’s anxiety. He was afraid of hurting Peter, afraid of putting his claws where he shouldn’t, or pushing him too far, or forcing him into something that he didn’t want to do. But Peter had been so reassuring, constantly validating Tony’s feelings and fears and acknowledging that it was going to be scary, but it was going to be alright. They just had to do this once to figure out how it all worked, and then they’d be good as gold.
Tony had to trust his instincts. Hopefully, his instincts would serve him right.
By the time Tony’s skin buzzed beyond discomfort and he’d slowly spread his baby open on his fingers, Peter gave him a kiss and told him to go and do what he had to. Tony’s feet could barely hit the carpet on the floor next to the bed or he’d already shifted, shaking out unruly, brown fur, and immediately catching a whiff of something sallow.
The lube.
His mind took a second to catch up, but then he whipped around, and there Peter was; lying on the bed, watching the wolf on the ground, something scared but excited in his eyes. Beyond that thick smell of artificial slick, Tony could smell Peter, could smell the arousal on him, and it was like something clicked.
This was what he’d been missing.
“Hey Tony,” Peter said softly, almost tentatively, as if he wasn’t sure if Tony’s mind had caught up with the wolf yet, but it had. Intelligent eyes rose to meet the younger man’s gaze, and Peter’s expression eased into a soft smile. Without further ado, while Tony was watching, Peter pushed himself up onto his hands and knees to put himself perfectly on display, almost teasingly.
Tony was on the bed in a flash, the mattress dipping beneath the wolf’s heavy weight. He had to find his balance first, unused to being on the bed in this form, but quickly managed when there was another task at hand.
He immediately pushed his muzzle up against Peter’s hole, slick and shiny with lube, stretched rim twitching gently under the soft puffs of air when Tony scented and snuffled. Peter giggled, and dropped his head to his forearms.
“Tickles,” he complained, but really it was only mildly bothersome because it was new, something Peter had never experienced before, and he wasn’t sure what to expect yet.
Definitely not the broad tongue that followed Tony’s huffy breaths, lapping in one long, broad stroke up Peter’s taint and across his glistening hole. Peter’s breath immediately caught in his throat and he let out a choked sound of surprise, but didn’t try to move away. Once he got past that initial oddness, it actually… It actually felt really good.
He moaned when Tony didn’t hesitate to do it again. And once more after. And yet again. Peter’s cock between his legs had already fully filled out by the time Tony changed tactic by pressing his muzzle up against Peter’s hole and pushing his tongue past the tight ring of muscle and into his body, which opened up and welcomed the intrusion like it was meant to.
Peter shuddered on the spot, cock twitching, the long tongue reaching places inside him that he wasn’t sure anyone had reached before. Not like that. Tony had sure tried, had taken him in his lap and pound into him before, and it had been an otherworldly experience, but even that didn’t compare to this.
And they had only just gotten started.
When Tony was satisfied with the job he’d done and left Peter’s hole sloppy and wet, he moved away, much to Peter’s dissatisfaction. The young man looked over his shoulder to see what Tony was doing, and caught him with his head between his legs, licking at the fiery red length that was slipping out from the sheath at Tony’s lower belly. He lapped at it as if to encourage it, to slick it up, ready to bury it into Peter’s waiting body.
Astounded by the size he’d just laid his eyes upon, Peter turned back when Tony shifted once more, keeping his eyes forward to try and help himself relax once again. Something so big would never fit inside of him. It simply couldn’t. And yet when Tony mounted him, large front paws on either side of Peter’s ribs and his large tongue lapping soothingly against the back of his neck, Peter realized he was just going to have to take it.
“Be gentle,” Peter reminded Tony almost frantically, his voice a higher pitch than usual. Tony paused for a moment, and then licked the back of his ear as if to say ‘I hear you, I’m listening, I promise’. And then Tony lined up.
Peter’s body opened up for the pointed tip of Tony’s cock like it was the easiest thing, the wolf’s saliva easing its way. It was warm, and smooth, and big, but Peter took it silently, wordlessly, without complaint, until the very beginnings of the knot that Tony had warned him about countless of times nudged up against his stretched out rim and the wolf had successfully buried all of himself inside the human.
Peter let out a shuddery sigh, relaxing slowly with the soothing little licks to the back of his neck and his hair. Grooming. Tony had been doing that for a while, and it still helped Peter relax, inexplicably. But right now he couldn’t have been more glad.
Especially when Tony started moving not long after.
And it seemed that once he got a taste of it, that cautious approach he’d started out with was thrown out the window. The first few thrusts were relatively shallow, patient, careful – but Tony sped up quickly, putting that massive strength in his hind legs to good use to force himself in and out of Peter faster, quicker, rougher. Every thrust knocked the air out of Peter’s lungs but the overwhelming pleasure that came with the quickening pace left him without the ability to breathe anyway, so it didn’t matter.
Peter grabbed at the bedsheets, the only leverage he had against the rough thrusts that almost lifted him up off his knees every time, shaking the bedframe. Tony panted into Peter’s ear, hot and humid, occasionally darting his tongue across a stray drop of sweat that gathered on the back of Peter’s neck.
The younger man was useless beneath the wolf, just trying to keep himself on his knees, speared on Tony’s cock, tossed about with the force of the thrusts. He was strong, stronger than most human beings, but he had never felt more like a ragdoll than he did while Tony was fucking into him like that.
And he liked it. God forbid, he liked it so much that he came without touching himself, without even knowing that he did, floating on endless, overwhelming waves of pleasure that every harsh thrust brought with it.
They became more ragged and irregular by the second, and Peter knew that it would soon be over. He already missed it, even though it hadn’t even ended yet. But he was in for one more surprise.
Tony’s knot had already grown to the size of a relatively small apple, sitting at the base of his cock, nudging Peter’s hole with every other thrust, just begging to be let inside. It slipped in occasionally, much to Peter’s pleasure, that sudden, extra stretch and extra couple of inches deep within him rushing him closer and closer to a second orgasm.
And when Tony finally fitted all of it inside of him, and Peter could feel it rapidly start to increase in size, tugging at his already stretched out rim – that’s what did it for him the second time around.
Peter quickly brought a hand down between his legs to stroke himself through his orgasm, moaning and keening and writhing beneath the wolf as the knot grew and grew, sealing them together to be followed up with a load buried so deep inside Peter’s body that it had the younger man feeling more bloated than he ever did before.
He pressed a hand to his stomach, panting, marveling at the feeling, and froze up when he felt the deformation on his belly. He pressed against it, and Tony above him whined, his massive cock twitching inside him and filling him with another load.
Peter smoothed his fingertips over the bulge under his skin again and again, the thought of Tony so deep inside him that it could do that nearly sending him over the edge again, but his cock was still weakly twitching from his last orgasm. Although Peter wouldn’t be surprised if he would be good to go again in seconds. Not with the enormous knot tugging at his abused rim.
The large wolf collapsed on top of Peter, and he groaned under the weight, constricting around Tony. Instantly, Peter noticed the change. He hadn’t seen Tony this sedated, this sated or happy or satisfied in a long time, not while in his wolf form. Not to mention the affection that followed, the grooming and the playfulness, all so unhurried.
Peter praised the wolf softly, reaching a hand over his shoulder to pet his head and compliment him for his behavior and his patience. They were stuck together for a while, but even after, Tony was a different wolf.
He cleaned Peter up and made sure the young man got comfortable before he lay down with him and looked up at him with those big, doe eyes full of adoration, as if their spiritual bond had just been confirmed tenfold.
And really, Peter would be lying if he didn’t…kind of feel it too.
Or maybe he was just seeing things.
“I’d say that worked, didn’t it?” Peter murmured sleepily, combing his hand through Tony’s fur. He received a lick in return, which in wolf speak must have been something agreeable. Peter was sure that if Tony had been able to speak, he would have said so too. And he would have likely suggest they go for another round.
And hell, it only took Peter a little while to recuperate from his first time taking Tony’s wolf cock. Before too long, he was already toying with the sensitive sheath on Tony’s lower belly with a mischievous grin, watching the pointed tip of his cock slip out slowly.
If Tony could have raised his brows, he absolutely would have.
But he’d be crazy if he was going to say no.
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sisterspooky1013 · 3 years ago
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Perfect Opposites, chapter three
Author: SisterSpooky1013
Rating: General audiences
Tagging @today-in-fic
Read the first two chapters here on A03
The first clue was the need to pee constantly. On a drive out to Massachusetts, I’d had to ask Harry to stop every 45 minutes and he was openly irritated, lecturing me for drinking too much coffee. That night we were making love and when he squeezed my breast I shrieked with how much it hurt. That wasn’t normal for me. I didn’t say anything to Harry because I didn’t want to worry him, but when I tried to recall my last period I realized it was at least two months ago. To say I was scared was an understatement; I was petrified. For three years we’d kept things under wraps, no one the wiser that we were more than just coworkers, but you couldn’t hide a pregnancy. And back then, there was still a lot of stigma about unwed mothers. Walking around the Hoover building with a big belly and no ring was sure to ruin my career prospects, even if we managed to avoid anyone finding out that Harry was the father.
I had a friend, someone I trusted, who worked in the lab, and I asked them to run a pregnancy test for me. It took a couple days before they could sneak it in among other work but the result was positive. Very, very positive. HCG levels that suggested I was close to 10 weeks along. I had a pit in my stomach all day thinking about telling Harry. He was going to be mad, maybe even tell me to get rid of it. And I knew that would be the best thing to do, for our careers, but there was a part of me that wanted this baby. Maybe he would have Harry’s blue eyes and my dark hair. Maybe she would be tall and slender like him with my wavy curls. Harry and I had long since confessed that we were wildly in love, and having a baby, his baby, felt like the ultimate expression of that love. What if he made me choose, him or the baby? I don’t know if the vomiting that occurred directly after that thought was due to nausea or the idea of losing Harry or our baby.
He knew something was wrong, of course. He could read me like a book, saw my pensive expression and heard the deep breaths pushed through my nose as I begged my stomach to calm. He asked me several times that day if I was okay, and I told him I was feeling a little sick and wanted to go home. The way he looked at me, I was sure he could tell. He could see inside by body somehow, see the little life forming in my belly. I listened as he called AD Kirkbride and told him that I was very sick and he needed to drive me home, that we’d both be out the rest of the day. He didn’t say anything as we walked out to his car, drove the 35 minutes to my apartment, walked inside. He must know, must have wanted to get me someplace private so he could tell me that I needed to have an abortion, that there was no space in this twisted life we’d built for a baby. I knew I’d have to tell him no, I couldn’t do it. I wanted this baby. I wanted HIS baby. I knew I was about to lose him.
I sat on the couch and he kneeled on the floor in front of me, his hands resting gently on my knees.
“What is it, Bunny? What’s wrong?” My heart lurched hearing him use his private pet name for me. Would this be the last time I’d hear it?
“I-” the words got caught as a wave of nausea hit me. I pushed him aside and ran into the bathroom, dry heaving painfully. His hand was on my lower back, rubbing small circles as he brushed my hair away from my face with the other. When it passed, I sat back against the wall, tears running down my cheeks quietly. When I looked at his face, his blue eyes were so full of worry and fear, and so much love.
“Are you sick, Bunny? Really sick?”
“I-. I’m pregnant.” It came out in a barely audible whisper, as the unspeakable tends to. I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t have to see his reaction. I didn’t want to have a visual memory of the moment I lost him.
He was quiet. So incredibly quiet. He didn’t yell, didn’t question. His hand on my leg was the only sign he still existed. Finally I opened my eyes and saw a face so beautiful that I’m forever grateful that I looked. His eyes were soft and wet, his lips parted and the corners betraying a tiny smile. His expression was so rapturously happy, so deliriously overjoyed, and I felt the weight that had settled on my shoulders take flight, releasing me from the prison of doubt.
“Bunny, we’re gonna have a baby?” His whispered question was paired with a single tear breaking loose, traveling down to wrap around his square jaw where I wiped it away with my thumb as I nodded.
“Oh my god” he breathed, and pulled me to him, burying his face his my neck. He squeezed me so tight, and I knew in that moment that he wasn’t going anywhere. We sat on the bathroom floor, next to the toilet that was stained with my bile, and cried the happiest tears. Finally he pulled away and his expression became solemn, serious.
“We should get married” he said, with so much conviction.
“What? Harry, we can’t get married. We can’t even-how are we going to have a baby? They’ll know, it’s not allowed, I-”
“We’ll tell them, then. It was going to happen eventually. I know they’ll split us up, but even if we don’t work together, we can be together every day. We can be married, we can have our baby. We can have a real life together, Bunny. You and me, and our baby. I love you so much, I want this. I want you.”
I don’t know how early pregnancy hormones can make you emotional, but I cried more that day than I ever had in my life. The next time I cried that way would be the day Harry died.
The next day we went together to tell AD Kirkbride. We were both shocked that instead of anger, surprise or disgust, he smiled and shook his head, saying “about damn time.” He called over to the VCU right away and secured Harry a spot there, filed the paperwork that officially ended our partnership with the FBI, and said he expected an invitation to our wedding.
Our life was far from perfect. We fought, we struggled to keep up with work and two small children, Harry was injured in the line of duty and I almost lost him. Then I did lose him, forever. I’ve missed him every single day, but I wouldn’t change anything about it. Harry didn’t believe in soulmates, but I do, and I know he was mine. As time marches on my aging body continues to fail me, these memories are still as clear as the day they happened. I let them play like a movie in my mind as I sit on a park bench, enjoying the sunshine on my skin. My daughter Trudy comes by the retirement home I live in now a couple times a week and brings me here to get some fresh air, to people watch. The world has changed so drastically in the years since Harry and I fell in love in an endless series of rental cars and hotel rooms, the young lovers sitting at the café across the street now engrossed in cell phones instead of newspapers, the year 2020 looming only a couple trips around the sun away. I feel content that I’ve squeezed all the joy I could out of this life, and I look forward to seeing Harry again soon, in whatever form the afterlife takes.
It’s here, on this sunny park bench, that I see them again. I wasn’t sure it was really them at first, her red hair a bit less vibrant than it once was, his face a little fuller, marked by age but still devastatingly handsome. They’re finding their way to a table, cups of coffee in hand, his familiar touch on her back present as ever. As she turns to sit, I see the swell of her belly and my heart aches with a familiar happiness. They talk and sip their coffee, sitting closer than is necessary, his hand lovingly stroking her belly before he leans in to place a soft kiss on her forehead as she smiles contentedly. I see the sun catch on his wedding band, the longing way she still gazes at his face, even after all these years. I miss Harry so much in this moment, wish I could feel his eyes on me again, so full of love and want. I watch them for a long time, until they stand and walk away hand in hand, marching on towards the rest of what life has to offer. Closing my eyes, I picture Harry’s face that day I told him that Trudy was growing in my own belly, when we had our whole lives ahead of us. I can feel him, pulling me against his body. I feel him now, calling me home to him, to the next chapter of our forever. My body on Earth grows heavy as I rise to meet him in a new embrace, unfettered by the bounds of physics and gravity, free to move through each other and truly become one being. He welcomes me with the cool practicality that made me fall in love with him in the first place; even in the great beyond he is himself, he is my Harry, my perfect opposite reimagined into a celestial wave of pure light.
“I’ve missed you Bunny” he says, but not with words. I hear him with my heart. He envelops me, bringing me into him, and we are together. Always. Forever.
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thinata · 4 years ago
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so basically i decided to stop wasting my life with my ed.
(i'm french so english is not my first language that's why u can find awkward grammar and spelling mistakes :) )
i’m trying to recover step by step. i tried a lot of things but obv it wasn’t real solutions, all i did was to relapsed and convincing myself that starving was a good thing and food is a problem. i want to eat to live not live to eat. i like cooking though but i want to stop spending my whole day thinking about my next meal or next workout.
i want to go out with people without stressing about the fact that we’re gonna order food and that i wouldn’t know the exact calories in it. i want to spend a day doing nothing but still eating the same amount of calories i did during days i had a workout. i want to make plans for my future, not a future around food or the way my body looks. a real future about my goals and ambitions. i want to become someone for myself first and then for others. and all of this is possible only if i trust my body. and i want to trust it.
i will still try to lose weight but more in an intuitive kind of way. no restrictions. no calories counting. no over exercising. no “fast day” aka starving day. i know since the day i got my ed that the habits i built weren’t sustainable. i lost weight, but i regained all the weight and even more because when i wanted to start living a real life i couldn’t. because i had no energy. no real goals over the fact i “want to be skinny”.
i know how it feels to be skinny. i weighed 42kg (92 pounds) for 168cm (5’6) . i could wear any clothes. fit in size 0 jeans with a belt. but besides that i wasn’t happy. my hair were fucking damaged. i fucked up my knees (bc i used to run and lifted weights). i lost my period -i was happy at first but it just cause a major hormonal imbalance in my body-. my acne got worse too. i was always tired -trying to function properly on caffeine u know-. i cancelled so many plans with my friends bc “i wouldn’t be able to workout if i met them that day, and i would have to eat more than i’m supposed to”. i love sports since i’m a kid and even though i was working out every day i didn’t get stronger bc i didn’t ate enough. i was just burning fat, muscles and probably more. but at least i could control something. i didn’t get more friends though. i didn’t travel like i thought i would do because u know, i thought that if i lost weight i can “do anything”. i didn’t spend more time with the people i loved. i didn’t had “more time for my hobbies”. it was nothing like i expected except the fact that you could see my bones. all my life was controlled and plan around “food and burning calories”. and i know we are all different but i’m sure a lot of people will recognize themselves in it.
i’m posting this because maybe someone will found it and realized that starving and over exercising and any others unhealthy way to lose weight is useless. it will never makes you happy. never ever. because we are human beings and we need to eat. we live in a society where body image put a lot of pressure on people (especially women) but it’s the same society where hanging out and eating with friends makes us feel better and create memories. food is not dangerous and it's everywhere and i believe that everything in life is about finding a balance.
also. maybe my body is not made to have a thigh gap, but he’s made to have strong thighs because i’m someone who love walking and hiking and swimming and running and discover the world. he’s also not made to have sharp collarbones but he’s made to have really strong shoulders bc i’ve been swimming since i’m 6yo and i’m really grateful for it. if a part of our body can’t be like we wish it would even after STARVING and killing ourselves it’s for a reason !
anyway, and then after 9 months of “fake happiness” thinking that being skinny would make me feel better, i took all the weight back (and more :) ) .
my relationship with my parents especially my father was never good. i don’t wanna go deeper into the matter (that's for another story) but to be short, just imagine the worst things in a human being : that’s my father. i’m almost 22 and i finally cut ties with him and i’m living by myself FOR myself. why i’m saying that? because i think that’s when everything change for me that i choose to truly recover. and the environment you are in is really really REALLY important. you can’t grow up mentally and physically if you are surrounded and controlled by toxic people. - life’s not easy, i’m trying to found a proper job because i can’t depend on my parents anymore for the money (actually my father did everything for me to depend on him financially so i could never live by myself, but i have friends who are housing (?) me and i could never be enough grateful for it.)
i’m someone who hates to depend on others but sometimes you have to put your ego down to become the person you truly want to be. and i know it’s a temporary situation.
anyway back on the topic! since i’m far from those toxic people i decided to recover. i post an update about my weightloss yesterday and yes i did lost weight since i’m in this new place (understand : healthier environment). like i said some of my unhealthy thoughts and habits goes back to the surface sometimes but it's a part of the process. that's why i'm gonna run another blog about recovery.
i'm gonna keep this one though. it's my last post and i won't reblog anything else. the reason i'm not deleting it is because i wan't people to see that i've been there too. i reblogged and posted unhealthy things. i had unhealthy goals and got inspired by things that are not me and could never be me. but it's okay because you can't fix a problem if you don't aknowledge it.
ily <3
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pagingevilspawn · 4 years ago
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Hi could u please write a fic where alex is diagnosed with a serious illness and jo is there with him for support ?
doctors make the worst family members
anon, i’m gonna start by saying that this is most certainly NOT what you asked for, but it's what you're getting. One; I can't write angst for shit so it would just be a major disappointment, and two; I truly just don’t have the heart to write my favorite character with a serious illness, lol. 
Also, welcome to the series I'm starting. It's called, “payton uses evan peters characters from ahs for jolex baby names because she loves him and every character he plays”. (“payton loves evan peters too much” for short) it’ll be a ride 😎 
anyways... hope you enjoy, nevertheless! 
____
Jo Karev stood in her husband’s room, pacing around one the hospital’s floors so much she would make a hole in them if she continued any longer. She anxiously bit her nails with one hand, the other rubbing circles on her seventeen week baby bump. 
She stops her movements suddenly, making her way to the uncomfortable hospital chair that sat in the corner of the room, flopping down into it, more than happy to be off her feet. They were beginning to feel like she had just through the grand canyon, not to mention, were the size of cantaloupes. 
“You good now?” Alex asks her from his bed, a teasing smirk on his lips. His arms were crossed in front of his hospital gown, an item he (very) reluctantly put on. Jo had given him a glare and he knew he couldn’t refuse. Never get in a fight with Josephine Karev, he learned that one a while ago, but it was especially important that he never got into a fight with a pregnant Josephine Karev. She went full on criminal defense attorney, and he wasn’t going to lie, it was pretty scary.  
Jo throws him a sharp glare. Due to her pregnancy, her mood swings had been hitting harder than ever. One second she wanted to pummel her husband, and the next she wanted him to hold her in his arms forever. Although, she supposed that wasn’t too out of the normal though, since Alex was always finding some way to piss her off and then say something sickenly sweet to make it up to her. A more accurate description would be how she went from joyful in the morning to blubbering tears and incoherent words when she figured out her favorite pair of jeans didn’t fit. (It was a scary sight, Alex had to console her for a good twenty minutes before she was able to fully calm down. Pregnancy hormones were wack.) 
“Shut up.” she glowers, sinking lower in her seat, tracing circles on her belly in an effort to calm the kicking in her stomach. Baby decided now would be a good time to jab a kick straight to her rib, so she hunches over in her chair, letting out a small hiss of pain before adjusting herself, not missing the way Alex’s eyes look at her warily. 
“You okay?” he questions, making Jo bob her head up and down. 
“Fine. Your daughter just likes you more than me, which you know, I'm totally okay with. I mean, it’s not like I'm growing her inside me for nine months or anything.” she stares at him pointedly, causing the worry etched on his face to fade away and form a crooked smirk. 
Alex chuckles, leaning back into the multiple hospital authorized pillows behind him as he runs a hand through his hair. He had a snarky comment on the tip of his tongue, but decided to hold it in. Jo was stressed, and the last thing he needed was to cause her any more.
It didn’t take long for Jo to begin her pacing again. She traveled the length of the room. The door, to the blue chair. Door to the blue chair. Back and forth, back and forth. Alex was starting to get dizzy just by looking at her. Her brown locks flew behind her as she moved, at times picking up her pace, making it across the room even quicker. It was at then that she would fiddle with the rings on her left hand, twisting them and untwisting them, tracing her fingers over the large diamond from her engagement ring and the smaller ones from her wedding ring. When she was little she always thought it was the other way around. She thought the big, fancy diamond was for the wedding, while the more modest piece of jewelry was the one that was ever so delicately placed in the velvet box. 
She stares at the ring fondly, a small smile subconsciously gracing her lips. God, it was so beautiful. A 2.5 carat princess cut with a platinum band. Jo knew the name of the shape of the diamond wasn’t by accident, it had most definitely been the main reason why he had chosen that exact one. (She found out it was a princess cut when Kepner had taken her finger and examined the ring, sprouting out facts about the new piece of jewelry she was wearing. Also known as the only reason she knew any details about the rock that only left her finger when she had to be surgery, a rare now since she had transferred to OB) 
When he pulled out that ring the first time, she was shocked to say the least, one; because, well he was proposing to her, and two; it was so freaking gorgeous. 
Jo was never the type of woman to gush over rings and weddings and frilly dresses with frumpy looking bridesmaids gowns and too many different forks to choose from at dinner. But when she saw that ring? It didn’t matter that they were arguing, it didn’t matter that she felt like he wasn’t in her corner, she just wanted that ring. She never felt like that with Paul (for obvious reasons), the want to stick that ring on her finger and never take it off. Besides that fact that it was beautiful, she knew the real reason she wanted it so badly was because it came from him, from Alex, the man she loved more than life itself. She hated when she had to tell him to put the beautiful ring away, because she wanted nothing more than to wear it herself. 
“Jo, I’m gonna be fine.” the man says, watching as his wife stops her movements, turning around to glare at him so sharply he wanted to pull the words back into his mouth and zip them up. 
“You don’t know that!” she explodes at him, moving her arms around aimlessly, angry tears beginning to glaze over her eyes. Damn pregnancy hormones.
She lets out a huff, her breath coming out shakily as she tries to fan out the water in eyes. 
Alex flashes her a small smile, “Jo, it's an appy. A freakin’ appy. Bailey’s doing it! Nothing’s gonna go wrong if Bailey is doing my appy.” he remarked. 
“So many things could go wrong!” she exclaims, pacing around the room once more as words come flying out of her mouth with absolutely no filter at all. “There’s bleeding, infection, inflammation, your appendix could burst-”
She’s cut off by Alex, who’s shaking his head. “Jo.” he looks up at her, her brown eyes boring into his, “I’ll be fine.” he reassures her, watching as she tries to swallow the lump growing in her throat. He pats the bed beside her, signaling for her to come sit next to him. 
Jo waddles to him, curling up to his side and placing her head on his chest as he runs fingers through her hair. “You can’t die on me, alright?” she mumbles into him, letting a single tear come down her cheek and land on his hospital gown. 
“I won't. Promise.” he places a peck on top of her head. 
Jo lets out a little chuckle, “I was never this emotional with Walker.” she teases. 
Alex laughs, pulling her closer into him. “Trust me, I know.” he says, earning him a slap on the chest. “Speak of the devil…” he trails off, seeing Meredith walk into the room with a little boy glued to her hip. 
“Momma! Daddy!” the three year old exclaims once he sees his parents, a wide smile painting his face as he tries to wiggle out of his auntie’s arms and onto the ground. It felt like he hadn’t seen them in forever, even if it was just six hours before he was being dropped off at daycare. 
“Hi bubs!” Jo exclaims, taking Walker from Meredith’s extended hold and setting him down on her lap, his big, hazel eyes staring up at his parents in adoration while the blonde goes to sit in the chair Jo previously occupied. 
Walker adjusts his position, making sure not to sit on his mommy’s bump. “Hi baby sissy.” he says to her stomach. Jo takes his hand and puts it on her abdomen, watching his face light up as he feels a sharp kick come straight to his tiny palm. 
“Sissy says hi back.” Alex grins, ruffling the little boys spiky hair, which had somehow stayed intact throughout his adventurous day at the hospital’s daycare. He had his wife to thank for that. Jo had somehow managed to find a way to keep their son’s hair in place after long hours, thanks to copious amounts of gel she had mastered the use of. He used to say that a shaggy haircut was fine and perfectly normal, but she said that she ‘didn’t want her son looking like Will Byers’. All haircut debates officially ended after that. 
The parents listen as their little boy rattles on about his day, from seeing his best friend Peter to knocking down the block towers he built over and over again. Their three year old was a little bundle of joy, their complete surprise baby. Jo always joked that he was created the night of her faux pregnancy announcement, since the dates lined up. Walker was something else. He inherited Jo’s hazel eyes nose, but everything else about the little boy screamed Karev, from the big head he had when he was born to the crooked smirk that permanently stayed plastered on his lips, always ready to get into some trouble. 
Some days he acted like an angel, but majority of the time he was the literal spawn of Evil Spawn. Cristina’s custom made onesies and t-shirts were frequently worn by little Walker, which proudly stated, “My Daddy is an Evil Spawn!”, “Spawn of Evil Spawn”, “Product of an Evil Spawn and Hairball” just to name a few. 
Walker and Meredith found them hilarious, Jo and Alex… not so much.  
A few minutes later a nurse walks in, asking Alex if he needed anything while simultaneously checking his vitals when the little boy speaks up. 
“Hi!” he chirps excitedly, a crooked grin on his face. He loved meeting new people, one of the few differences he shared from his parents, but they knew that was a good thing. Walker had always been sociable and practically made friends everywhere he went. The cashier at the grocery store, the workers at the receptionist’s desk, random people he passed on the street… little Karev was quite a people person.
“Hi there sweetie,” the woman in her mid-twenties coos, tucking a strand of strawberry blonde hair behind her ear as she bends down slightly to meet the little boy’s height. “I’m Andrea, what’s your name?” she asks. 
“Walker!” the tiny brunette exclaims. 
Andrea laughs, shaking her head a little bit at the adorable little boy, looking up to meet Alex’s eyes. “Your vitals are good Doctor Karev. Dr Bailey should be in soon to go have you sign your consent forms, but otherwise just sit here until then.” 
Alex says his thanks as the nurse walks out the door, his son watching as the young girl leaves. Walker leans up unexpectedly, whispering loudly enough for the three adults in the room to hear. 
“She had big boobies.” he giggles, clutching a hand over his mouth, trying to hide his large grin. 
Jo’s face could only be described as scandalized, while Alex and Meredith burst into loud laughter, their sound filling up the room with the little boy’s giggles. 
“Walker Alexander Karev!” oh you are so your father’s son.
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dreamsofzane · 3 years ago
Text
Origins
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It was 2009. The end of my senior year in high school. As per tradition, once I received my yearbook, I carried it around daily so that teachers, friends, and anyone else who felt like it could sign the back and crystalize their presence in my life.
We were all stepping out into the relative unknown. I guess I just had to be deep, so I used my yearbook photo caption as a declaration of how I saw myself and who I wanted to become in the world.
I can do the impossible, rise above the insurmountable, and reach the unreachable through Christ who strengthens me. It was was an adaptation of a scripture used in a song by Myron Butler.
When our yearbooks were printed, a friend of mine said something like, wow Ezra I saw your yearbook quote and it was all spiritual and serious. You're so crazy, I thought you would have put something wild in there.
I probably laughed, pondered on the sentiment for a bit, then tucked it away. But I never forgot it.
This moment was one of the first distinct times someone not only saw me clearly, but also perceived and verbalized the dilemma I existed in. It was a mirror moment for me. During that time I felt like I was straddling two conflicting worlds. And I so desperately wanted to fully belong to both. At home, I was a good Pentecostal storefront church boy in every sense of the word. I didn't see myself as just a church-goer. It was the essence of my life. It shaped my worldview. I was saved, and I yearned to be Holy Ghost filled. I barely had earthly aspirations. All I saw in my future was singing worship music. Maybe I'd go to Bible college and join a mega church's payroll, sing behind Israel Houghton, or somehow join Tye Tribbet & GA. Side-note for all my singers - that in itself was a pipe dream because to this day I am not a tenor, and back then even Tye's tenors were actually altos, very high-key.
On the other side of my double life, I secretly bagged my first real boyfriend right when I got baptized after freshman year. I loved all the secular music I wasn't supposed to be listening to. And just about every other joke that I made at school was something risqué and raunchy. That's how people outside of my family and church knew me.
I never really felt like I could be a whole person. I had no concept of what that meant. There was righteousness, and sin. Being in the world, but not of it. My feelings, my flesh – those were in conflict with God, and my job was to pick up my cross and deny everything else.
And baybee – those feelings?! My hormones were on fire and I wanted all the boys in my yard, watering my grass with milkshakes of every flavor. Because you know, high school was a diverse landscape. But if I didn't deny what I was feeling, back then I believed I would be riding the most lusciously, engorged, divinely-crafted – lawnmower, straight into Lucifer's hot burning bush as a result.
Over time the pressure to deny myself, built up so much that I had to leave the church and explore on my own. The years that followed felt solitary, ungrounded, and confusing to say the least. But I just had to allow myself to feel those things. And I'm so glad I did. I have to take a moment here to thank Bilal's All Matter & Who Are You, Erykah's Didn't Cha Know, and the movie Prayers for Bobby, for collectively forming a prayer circle around me during 2011-2012.
I could be projecting, but it's quite likely that the church adjacent boyfriends I've had over the years all lived with an unspoken heartbreak about having to either sever ties or awkwardly maneuver through their families of origin – families that were often times deeply religious, and thus explicitly, violently, and traumatically opposed our ability to even acknowledge our queerness – let alone claim it. But not one person I encountered who felt familiar to me (a trauma bond sort of familiar) seemed to really know what they were doing in earnest. Nor were they able to speak on it in full. Something always felt unreconciled. We were all young and unsure.
Ironically enough it was a moment during a church service that changed my life, affirmed me spiritually, and assured me that I had to leave the very home that raised me ideologically. More on this later.
What I will say now is that as hedonistic, irreverent, ignorant, or lost as I may appear to some – I was guided to where I am today. Perhaps because I opened myself up to it, the spirit world made itself known to me both within the settings I grew up in, and without.
I am the living result of generations of endurance. Love, grace and wisdom find their way to me. From the continent, to the island, to the concrete, through the altar call, through the divination. Somehow I continue to be found day by day.
BUT FIRST I HAD TO GET VERY LOST OKAY?!
Happy 30th Birthday to me!
Until next time – peace.
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