#i feel like a lot of my general interests end up having roots in my interest in learning the evolution of things

[fettiowi]

I really, really love getting to learn about the history and evolution of things. i feel like a way to get me interested in any particular topic is to get me invested in learning its history. it fascinates me more than anything

[evilwetbread]

so i've got a LOT of thoughts about ENA: Dream BBQ, and I mean a lot. Most of them right now pertain to ENA and her two sides, cause I've noticed a lot of interesting things about them. :) wordwall incoming

SPOILERS FOR DREAM BBQ OF COURSE!!!

Starting with Salesperson, I thought it was an intriguing detail how a lot of the characters she interacts with comment on her weird way of saying things. A lot of these comments suggest that ENA is just spouting word salad with no real meaning, some even going as far as to suggest that ENA can’t actually comprehend her own objectives. Salesperson (imo) DOES seem to have a lack of true direction, and an inability to fully comprehend reality- she has a vague way of describing her objectives, frequently uses idioms that make zero sense, and has a general lack of visible emotion beyond advertising and polite/transactional small talk. She takes jobs and missions without questioning their merit. It’s like she has never experienced the world any other way. Meanie, on the other hand, seems to be the opposite. While she really does live up to her name, a lot of her anger seems to root from genuine stress. She’s far more aware.

There were several points in the game where she looked to me like she was at the very end of her rope- and a lot of the moments where things got weird or unnerving seemed to involve her (the weird cuts/flashbacks?? to the Bullet Rain from the trailer during her interaction with that shop machine, the whole post-death segment where we play as a hungover human version of ena who seems to be meanie-dominant, and i mean I can't go w/o mentioning the whole Purge Event). She says things so bluntly not because she's a "meanie" archetype, but because she is genuinely frustrated with both her own job, and how this world seems to mock her constantly. She acts, and reacts, far more lucidly than her counterpart. (Not entirely lucid of course, but she hates all the bullshitting that the entities around her tend to do and tolerates it far less) My assumption about this version of ENA and her two parts before the game released was always that they would function a lot like the original ENA did, with two over exaggerated emotions constantly butting heads. But this dynamic really took me by surprise!! It's like Meanie is ENA's raw thoughts and feelings, and Salesperson is this filtering agent that jumbles things up and mellows her out. Salesperson reminds me a lot of how our own brains process things in dreams most of the time, where we accept utterly ridiculous things as par-for-the-course(we did see a lot of this with Happy ENA in s1 too) and I think there's a LOT more to ENA than meets the eye in that regard. There's a lot more emphasis on Meanie’s feelings and emotional instability than there ever is on Salesperson's. She knows more than she lets on.

It's also really interesting to me that no one ever takes mercy or pity on her- even allegedly all-powerful entities like Theodora(the Lonely Door's Genie) treat her like she's the bottom of the barrel. Is being ENA just a curse? An entity made to labor perpetually, and bear the burden of other people’s mistakes, unable to permanently die and unable to actually succeed without sacrificing herself over and over in the process? Are the two emotional states a buffer to prevent her from truly understanding the reality of her situation???

I have a lot of questions, and something tells me that once the full story is concluded, very few of them will be answered lol. Wouldn’t have it any other way though. This game was worth the wait

[apple-onigiri]

hi can you talk more about your reading of siffrin and loop's relationship please. I'm so curious 👀

(omg hii i love your analyses)

well i guess now i gotta huh!! the demons (the people on my computer) are telling me to do it, do it, do it, so here it is!! most of it below a cut! because this ended up being really really long!

so! self-love and self-hatred play a big role in isat in general. the whole story is kind of about accepting that you are capable of being loved, and not, in fact, inherently repulsive so maybe you should open up, siffrin. imagine that. and i'd argue these themes crystallize into their final form with sif and loop and how they interact :) my ants. my mentally ill ants

(this sidesteps the curious meta element of how both the narration of siffrin to himself and loop addressing siffrin as they talk uses second person. it's very interesting but this is already gonna be long enough)

looking at all their interactions, especially through the lens of knowing who loop actually is, gives a pretty good idea of loop's attitude towards another version of themselves, and, by extension, their own self (this is a bit confusing because there are Too Many Siffrins Here)

the long and short is the resentment they feel towards themselves - because loop never went through the realization they're not unlovable - is externalized and often taken out on siffrin.

they are very condescending with how they interact with him. he's just a silly little stardust! so stupid, so naive! knows so little about literally everything. awww, let me help you out, stardust, before you hurt yourself.

on my first playthrough i actually initially distrusted loop a lot because of this. i saw it as the last thing siffrin would need when they already put themselves down so heavily; how they call themselves "stupid" multiple times for any and all mistakes they make and how unforgiving they are to themselves (especially the key hidden in the classroom exemplifies this). but with the knowledge of siffrin and loop starting out as the same person, it makes a stark amount of sense. when you have a mindset similar to siffrin's and loop's, no one will ever be more critical of you than you yourself.

it sometimes feels like loop's forgetting they're not talking to themselves internally and that this is a whole separate being they're talking to that they can't just externalize their own self-hatred onto, enough that they have to backtrack and apologize because hurting yourself in a way that resembles hurting someone else makes you think twice about what you're doing to yourself. there's a healthy dose of regret there, and guilt that they said something you can't easily erase from the mind of the person you said it to.

there is still care in loop's behavior. conversely to the previous statement, nothing will make you more sympathetic to your own plight than literally seeing it from an outsider's perspective and being able to acknowledge that you need help (sidenote, but kinda twisted of the universe to grant loop's wish in the most roundabout way possible. you want someone to help you? okay! help yourself! your other self, but hey, it counts, right?)

(cut here because this is getting out of control and i can't let it appear in unabridged form on anyone's dash, especially on mobile)

as acts go on and quests progress, loop gets these moments of honesty and empathy for siffrin more often. they obviously have been helping before but you know what i mean, don't you. those moments where loop's facade drops and we get a feeling that this isn't them acting, this is their true... shades, lol. examples!!

aftermath of touch therapy! of course they'd know what the root problem here is and how to best help. this is something acutely familiar to them and they're able to tell what siffrin needs to stop spiraling. and!! siffrin reciprocates this! haven't talked ab him and his attitude towards loop specifically a lot but this too is important. i'm rapidly becoming ill btw

forgetting the party's names upon waking up on the meadow and calling loop! it happened to loop before so seeing it happen to another version of you must make one feel... complicated. they patiently remind siffrin each name and make sure they're fine.

honestly, throughout the entirety of the story, but especially by the end of act 4, they find it very crucial to make sure they reassure siffrin they're there for him, that he's not alone in this. they know where feeling completely alone leads.

okay i can't take it anymore i gotta talk about this.

loop so doesn't want siffrin to use the dagger on themselves. it's genuinely heartbreaking to see their distress about the idea

they even try to dissuade siffrin from it later on, when you first attempt to use it, and are very very upset still afterwards

they care about siffrin!! they don't want to see him hurt! they don't want siffrin to befall the same awful fate they met where self-destruction melts into the natural state of being and you just spiral spiral spiral! they don't hate him, and seeing them fall so far from okay that they're fine with stabbing themselves to save time in a time loop where literally no time is wasted because it loops back anyway is awful for them.

this is where loop transforms from the voice in your head pointing out your deepest flaws to one that can tell what you're doing is self-destructive and bad for you and you really, really should stop. the, pardon my wording, tug on your stomach, like the one you get when you're standing over the ledge and looking down. and when you get the stupid thought how easy it would be to fall, your brain reacts by jolting you away. loop is the jolt.

loop is the inner instincts of siffrin personified at many points of the story. sometimes they're hurtful towards him as instincts of a self-destructive person are wont to do, which is justified with them just wanting that other version of themselves to Be Better, Get Better. and sometimes, it's self-preservation they depict; feeling at home with your self and expressing empathy towards yourself and your own awful situation.

when act 5 comes, loop is clearly crushed about not being able to help siffrin out, about not being able to get them out of their despair.

then, just like he's done with everyone else, siffrin rejects loop too. when siffrin shuns loop here, it's out of anger for being kept in the dark, yes, but it's also a rejection of any positive thoughts they might have about themselves.

siffrin's rejection of loop isn't only rejecting one last person they're close to like they did with their family members. it's a rejection of any and all instincts to care for himself and his well-being. it's the same thing that allows him to use crafts with no cooldowns. it's the same thing as memory of emptiness that lets him loop to the point where he died and just keep going. it's what lets mal du pays take form.

this refusal of loop's help is, in my opinion, the ultimate act of self-hatred in isat.

okay depression time over act6 twohats happy times yayy!!!

after a little bit because loop is - kinda justifiably - upset at how their suffering amounted to nothing and now this siffrin gets their happy ending. and they don't!! how is that fair? we have to keep in mind a lot of what we've learned was news to loop too. they spent so long in the loops, not knowing why, to the point where they begged the universe to get them out and help them.

their roles from act 5 essentially swap here. here loop is the one self-destructing and rejecting any help at all, and projecting the hell out of themselves onto siffrin, just like siffrin did in the "friendquests" in act 5.

so i haven't talked a lot about siffrin's outlook on loop before now (when his psyche is not literally split into tiny pieces, that is) but my little pet theory is that, just like they really hate repeating their lines, being all fake, and only do so because they feel they have to, they're often annoyed by loop because they can kind of sense the front they put out. if you hate the way you pretend, these feelings are most likely gonna transpose to another version of you doing the same thing.

but in this fight, the siffrin in it is not the one still trapped in the time loops. this is a siffrin tentatively learning that maybe it's okay to not hate yourself. so, just like act 5 is the greatest act of self-hatred, the ending of this fight is the ultimate act of self-love and self-acceptance, regardless of how it ends but with some caveats to both outcomes.

if siffrin wins, he refuses to hurt loop, stating outright that they don't hate themselves enough to do so. he won't do it even if loop is literally begging for it.

if loop wins, they cannot bring themselves to hurt siffrin. they feel too much empathy towards them. it's impossible to hate him - and themselves - the same after seeing the struggle from outwards.

regardless, they both exhibit the kind of care only you yourself can give yourself after fighting tooth and nail to prove to your own self-esteem that you're worth it. siffrin wouldn't be satisfied with killing loop because it would mean a rejection of some fragment of themselves.

siffrin went through a capital-C Change due to the loops (the theme of change in isat is another thing i could write on and on about), and part of that Change was having a version of you, your past self, still stuck in how they used to be and the situation that made them so. a healthy type of growth means changing for the better, yes, but also learning to love and respect who you used to be. if you met your younger self, would you resent them? or would you want them to know that all their struggles weren't for nothing? Change means leaving something behind but not forsaking it, letting it rot and fester unacknowledged

(insert rant about how isa's Change was actually kind of partial because he decided to completely sever ties with who he used to be instead of being appreciative of the aspects of himself he seems to still like, like being smart, and him resorting to hiding it instead WE DON'T HAVE THE TIME RIGHT NOW ASK ME LATER IF U WANNA but tl;dr actshually isa Change doesn't need to be full-on destruction because the eggshell is still there the Change God told me okay enough of this)

this. this is love. self-love given form. to me.

"you matter. your suffering mattered. it helped me become who i am right now. nothing was in vain. it hurt, and might still hurt for a long time - but it was never for nothing." that's what i got from this scene.

anywayyyyy i warned you!!! that this would be long!! if you let me yap! it's yap central over here. if you got all the way down here, thank you for enduring. have a cupcake :)🧁

[retrowitchy]

I feel like Suzanne Collins has been using both TBOSAS and SOTR to hone in very glaringly on the cruelty and intensity of the Capitol and the Games. They both have more obstinately cruel premises, darker endings, and really highlight Snow's insanity. Both arenas make the 74th Games feel tame and almost easy in comparison. SOTR in particular is especially gory. Coriolanus outright betrays and kills people he loves in Ballad. They're dark and rough and gritty and sad.

I really wonder if the way she's handled the prequels has been in part a response to the romanticisation of her books by the general public (pop culture taking off with it, the movies being made and furthering the general spread, the slough of teen dystopian novels that followed, etc.). It feels like she's pushing back to continue to reveal a narrative that is harsh and cold and hard to romanticise and make fun.

For instance: everybody's favorite movie is Catching Fire- and it's my favorite too- but that has always stood out to me. Because the reason we all like it so much is because it has the most action, plot twists, romance, the most innovative/interesting arena, lots of fun characters. AKA this is exactly how the Capitol rates their interest in the Hunger Games. The irony is so thick. (This is no hate to the movies also). They sell "Katniss Bow and Arrows" at Target. We squabble over Gale vs. Peeta. People hate characters like Gale, Coral, Effie and Cato even though all of these people in different ways are victims of a system and that is the whole damn point of the story. Hunter Schaefer dressed up as a Capitol citizen for Halloween as a kid! We buy cheap plastic mockingjay pins on Amazon. We root for Cato and Clove and Marvel and Glitter to die.

Culture has completely, ubiquitously, without a doubt, lost the plot. Or become the plot. And Suzanne knows it. And she is reminding us.

[aeromore]

META META META META META META META META. Old art dump from earlier this year, more under the keep reading thing.

RIDER IS THERE. That's just really a secondary name for Stanley to keep track of the guys (there's three of them, that's also why they're numbered). I meant to finish this drawing and have Aleph (another narrator... Specifically number 2) respond to Meta and have PK (Stanley-2) stand next to him, but I didn't have a design for that guy at this current point in time and just left it unfinished. Also, I love Rider. Rider is lovely and very kind, I hope he suffers very much Soon.

Ditto. Ditto's just happy to be here, Meta less so. Hates being proven wrong, too. It is SO hard to choose whether he'd be a Ditto or a Meltan as a pokémon, considering you CAN spell Meta with the letters in Meltan. I eventually went with the latter and had Ditto be on his team, like a constant mockery of him. <- That's how HE sees it. Ditto couldn't care less and just wants to have fun. (Also, he shapeshifted those eyes into existence by the way, he does not usually have eyes under his glasses. LET THE GUY EXPRESS HIMSELF.)

Vitan. (Character belonging to @mct421 / @a-game-of-beginnings) Sorry, I had and still have a crush on this idiot but also he's a very lovely character, please check 'em out on the second @. Meta is reasonably upset/peeved/mad about me turning him into a vertical pancake and also making fun of him for ... a large variety of things. I'll just say he doesn't get treated the best out of my narrators (it's a cuteness aggression thing, and also i hate him (affectionately)). SO, I let it slide that he's making fun of me by shapeshifting into my F/O or crush or whatever he is. Whatever it is, I've proposed to him (VITAN) three times at this point because I either keep forgetting I did or I just want to recreate the scenario since it's funny.

SOMETHING ACTUALLY INTERESTING OF NOTE: When Meta shapeshifts, the eyes always have this green color (not the green in the drawing, that was a lazy doodle, the CORRECT color is #70A083) and the hair is silvery at the roots.

Dumb idiot flawed shapeshifter, couldn't be me. <- Could be me. Is me.

Dressed him up in silly outfits, some of which he hates and some that he is fine with.

Was bought Webfishing by a friend of mine back in October, so I pretty quickly whipped a little complementary drawing of Meta as a fish (nice callback) and @nonsensechemicals's settings person as a lil fish too ":o" (it's a callback to one of their drawings but I don't really have it on hand right now). The guy in the middle was my sona at the time, now they look different. YOU try being a shapeshifter and see how long you can last being on one look.

Silly shitposts and whatnot. I love Meta, my idiot blob son, slime-like thing. Thank you, Rider, for showing him that sick skateboard trick in the parking lot (press conference/elevator ending reference for Those Who Don't Know).

The second image is a screenshot taken from that one art instillation with the jiggling things whatever they are. <- Quickly looked it up, "Graceful Degradation", a kinetic installation by Harrison Pearce at the GNYP Gallery. Wouldn't wanna leave you guys at the edge of your seat wanting to learn what that was.

The third image is me and MrPizzaDraws on twitter drawing our Favorite Blob ever. Check Pizza out, he's cool, especially if you're someone from the Object Show Community or like art in general.

Fourth image.... Not much to say here. Meta as those sticky hand things. I call it handslops. And the fifth image is him being slop in a red plastic cup. Wonderful.

And at the very bottom is an actually proper and simple drawing of the guy, of course. IF... IF ANYONE HAS QUESTIONS ABOUT ANYTHING, feel free to click on that funny questionnaero button. I'd love to bestow knowledge. This is ALL a heavy work in process, so be patient if my answers aren't that great, haha.

And if you're wondering (because I sure am), the three parable thing is really an AU in all honesty, since that's not how the actual Stanley Parable is built up, to our knowledge, but I like having fun and still try keeping it close to game lore and whatnot. I just find it easier to understand the game if I break it apart into smaller pieces/people, hope that's relatable.

[sophie-frm-mars]

Hi, ex-supporter here. Genuinely hope you’re doing well. I have been tempted to start up my support again because you genuinely are a talented writer/creator and I do enjoy your work.

I hope you understand supporting your Patreon is somewhat fraught. Your private life should be none of our business, but sadly it is relevant here. Moral action, both private and political is central to your work; you have called out plenty of people for abuse & morality drives your politics. We know abuse took place on your end, but that’s all.

A lot of people like myself might be emotionally rooting for you to bounce back from this, but are unable to support you right now because that moral dissonance has not been resolved. We really don’t know if you are like other ‘cancelled’ leftist influencers and just use leftist values to deflect attention away from abuse, or you are actually trying to do better and working on yourself.

You don’t owe us anything. However, many of us who are eager to support you are forced to hold back because trust has been damaged, and there has not been any real sign of reparation or reconciliation. Maybe you think those kind of questions are invasive, maybe you don’t think we are real fans for not sticking by you despite the allegations.

I don’t know, I just want you to know that there are plenty of people who do want to support you, but feel they need to trust you first. And that can’t happen without addressing some things.

Anyways, best wishes. Take care.

Hiya, thank you for speaking to me on this.

Before I say the rest of what I say I want to be clear that between me and the people I was involved with in 2023, there were some instances where I was responsible for harm, there were instances where I received harm and there was also a general pervasive ecosystem of harmful behaviours in the community I was in. This includes people who signed the statement against me, and in one instance one of them did something which everyone to whom I have described it has agreed is sexual assault, though there is more besides.

For the time being I'm not talking publicly more about what happened because it was a very messy situation, and although I have been seriously harmed by issues in my personal life being litigated in public in this way, I don't want to give my full account of my relationships with everyone involved because I don't want that type of harm to be done to other trans women. There are plenty of complicating factors as there often are in real life that social media isn't really capable of parsing. I have made it clear repeatedly that I am open to hearing anything that people involved want to say to me, and I talked in this post in January about that and about what I would be doing to ensure that I put in the work and make sure I don't cause harm like it again

https://x.com/sophie_frm_mars/status/1745414530455261531

I think that that post says everything I would like to say for now, although I regret saying I agree that my behaviour was abusive, because with more distance and perspective I don't think abusive behaviour was actually described to me.

As I understand it via the support that my therapist and friends have offered, my problems in 2023 were that: I wasn't taking my mental health seriously, I didn't learn good kink practice, I had very little appreciation of my own boundaries and when I shouldn't be doing something that someone asks me to do, and I was high basically all the time. I am in therapy and doing DBT and taking my mental health deadly seriously, I have done a huge amount of reading assigned by my therapist about kink, sex, relationships and mental health, I am working in an ongoing way on learning how to effectively communicate, know my boundaries and understand myself well enough to not be in the kinds of situations that risk harm, and I'm no longer high all the time.

(If anyone is interested in those book recs, so far I've read: Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again by Katherine Angel; The Right To Sex by Amia Srinivasan; Screw Consent (I hate this edgy title) by Joseph Fischel; Playing Well With Others; The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren; I Hope We Choose Love by Kai Cheng Thom; The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W Hardy; and Dissociation Made Simple by Jamie Marich. There have been some others, and I've written a bit about them in the book club channel on my discord as I've been reading)

I haven't heard from the people involved. The last I heard from anyone was one of my exes calling me a pathological liar and saying that they just want to move on with their lives, so while I'm doing the work to make sure I act better in future I am just trying to get on with my life and let them get on with theirs. I hope this clarifies why I have not talked further about the situation.

I will say that the last few months have been hellish for me. I have been frequently suicidal, I spent Christmas and new years alone, I lost a tooth because I couldn't afford proper dental treatment, people from within the community I've been ostracised from have been putting pressure on my remaining friends to cut ties with me, Keffals had my abuser on her twitch stream, a bizarre exaggerated and monsterised version of my personal life has been publicly gossiped about by trans people, fash and "leftist" drama streamers alike, I have been doing other work to make sure I can still pay rent and afford my bills and my HRT, and to survive. As I've been getting more stable and more able to focus on things besides this, I've been working on new writing because all I want with regard to my work and my channel is for my writing to help people. I don't want to talk about my private life, but I do understand that some number of people will feel after what has been said about me that they can't move forward with me without hearing the full details. Lots of people in my life have repeatedly encouraged me to publish a full account of everything that happened but I know how the Internet works and I don't want other trans women to be harmed in the ways that I have been harmed.

[lurkingshan]

Japanese QL Corner

The winter season has begun, with two moody new dramas starting this week while a couple fall favorites came to an end. These shows are streaming on Gaga unless otherwise noted.

Our Youth

We got two episodes this week to wrap up this story, a finale followed by a special episode. It's been interesting to see the mixed reactions to the way the story played out; this show didn't quite land its themes and it left folks feeling varying levels of satisfaction. For my part, I didn't take much from the finale, but I really loved the special ep. The chance to see these characters as adults dealing with the realities of trying to build a life together felt like a gift, and I thought it brought back a much needed edge of melancholy that made the story feel grounded again. This show may not have been the total masterpiece I originally hoped for, but it did a lot of interesting things and Hirukawa will be hanging out on my favorite characters list in perpetuity.

When It Rains it Pours

Strap in because this one is gonna be messy. It was a bit of a mild start for this show, and I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. I’m pretty generally dubious about romances rooted in cheating plots, and none of the characters in this have really grabbed me so far. Everything feels bland and unfulfilling, which I do think is intentional because it's a reflection of how the characters are feeling about their own lives. How much you like this may depend on whether you're in the mood to sit in a vague and gloomy ennui. We will see where they take the story for this one; it may have some interesting things to say.

Call Me By No Name

Aka Manic Pixie Trash Girl the series! I was similarly mild on the characters for this show, though I thought it was visually dynamic and I’m open to seeing where they take the story. Kotoha is our resident Manic Pixie, and she is certainly fulfilling that archetype to the max. Megumi is the type of pushover character that I always struggle with a bit, but hopefully they'll fill her in a bit more--@bengiyo told me the game she was playing is difficult and indicates she may like a challenge, so maybe there’s a bit of an edge to her that we'll dig into. @avorbl and @respectthepetty already spotted some themes in the visuals, so I am seated to find out more.

The Fragrance You Inherit

This lovely show is now complete and fully subbed. Thank you very much to @isaksbestpillow for sharing it with all of us; it's now a late entry on my favorites of 2024 list. More of a queer family drama than a QL, it tells the story of two families connected through several interwoven plots: an unrequited love, an enduring friendship, a reflection on past regrets, a young love, and a mother and son who just want to take care of each other more than anything else. As @twig-tea wrote in her final review, "this is a show about good people who love each other doing their best to be kind to one another." I found it such a joy to watch, and all of the characters so lovable. Toki and Sakura have taken the crown for best mother-son pair in drama. If you haven’t checked it out yet, I can’t recommend it highly enough!

[wakkass]

It's impossible to put into words how much I love designing characters, especially for AU.

Yes, I recently had an avatar AU, and I really wanted to draw Katara from there (and also Zuko). I usually draw a static pose in order to display all the details of the clothes. This is such a kind of character sheet that helps me to better imagine the scenes in my head.

If you're interested in reading about the AU itself, then there will be some information about it.

I apologize in advance for mistakes in the text, English is not my native language. But, I hope, this will not interfere with understanding.

In general, my AU concerns the ending of the series, because at some point it seemed unrealistic to me. There is too much positivity with the obvious problems of the post-military space, as well as little logic in some moments (for example, I don't understand what Zuko was doing in Ba Sing Se. Did he abandon his newfound throne to the mercy of fate with the risk of a palace coup? Did he not feel the effects of a lightning strike? The longer I think about it, the surreal it seems to me).

At some point I thought, "this is all like Aang's dream, in which everything is intentionally good. As if this is the ending he wants, but it's unattainable." And then it dawned on me. But it really looks like his fantasy about the future after defeating the root of evil. This explains why Zuko recovered so easily, why everyone is just relaxing and having fun without a drop of post-trauma. Because Aang wants everything to be so naive and simple after defeating the Fire Lord. Because he's dreaming about it.

I know this is a very hackneyed narrative technique. It's pretty easy to say "this is someone's dream" to deny any events. But I found it curious, especially against the background of the episode "Nightmares and Daydreams", where Aang's dreams already simplified the reality around him. For me, it's like a lead-up to the finale, where he actually sleeps.

You ask, "but why is he sleeping?". I also asked this question, and the answer to it killed me. Because during the battle with Ozai, when the stone hit Aang in the wound, he fell into a coma. His body was paralyzed because his brain perceived it as a repeated lightning strike, again fatal. The avatar's state was the only one that did not allow Aang to die, but only to fall into a coma. And instead of an epic battle, we have a little helpless boy spending a huge amount of energy just to maintain his life.

The second Aang collapsed, he disappeared, leaving Ozai alone with the remnants of his temporary power. And no one else saw the avatar…

I'll leave the intrigue for you about this, but for now I'll tell you about the concepts from the art.

Naturally, everyone searched for Aang, and, naturally, they did not find him. Katara and Zuko were the only ones who did not participate in the search, for several reasons:

Zuko was rehabilitated for a very long time after being struck by lightning, and Katara nursed him (I'm sure there are a lot of fics about this topic. The only difference is that there is no romance here. The focus of my AU is not on it, but on the problems of the consequences of the war). He survived, but he had major problems with his heart, digestive system and spine. Who noticed the cane in his hands? Yes, Zuko couldn't walk without it. From now on and forever. He was physically unable to leave the palace, and Katara maintained at least some of his condition.

Even after Zuko's rehabilitation, it was necessary to keep the power in his hands. Imagine what a shock the Fire Nation experienced when not just the former Fire Lord was overthrown, but the country's policy changed dramatically. Now Zuko needed to keep power in his hands and establish a new regime as soon as possible, before his opponents raised armies and people against him. This boy, who recently sat quietly at a military meeting, needed to show unprecedented strength and power to everyone: both officials sought to turn the situation in their favor, and the people who wanted stability and prosperity. But how to do this if Zuko couldn't even breathe normally, and getting out of bed required tremendous effort? It was impossible… Anyone else would have given up, but not Zuko. He has never given up without a fight and has never turned his back on danger, even if he risks dying.

It hurts me a lot for him, too. Fate has never stopped pushing Zuko against obstacles, but this time he couldn't rely on himself. He almost couldn't bend, his body almost didn't obey. He was an easy target and there was nothing he could do about it. This helplessness irritated him, saddened him, oppressed him. The only thing that wasn't broken yet was his spirit, and Zuko was barely able to maintain it in such conditions. If it wasn't for Katara, I don't know if he would have coped in the end. She was now his only support, his only ally in these cold oppressive walls, the only rational grain in his doubts.

You ask, "Where is Iroh? Where is Mai?"

Iroh, along with the White Lotus, took on a mission to liberate the Earth Kingdom from the Fire Army and establish relations with the kingdom. In fact, Iroh now shared power with Zuko: uncle was engaged in foreign policy so that his nephew could focus on domestic policy.

With Mai, everything was much simpler: after getting out of prison, she was completely disappointed in the guy who always left her. She sent him a letter, where she finally ended their relationship, and left with her family somewhere far away. Perhaps she and Zuko will cross paths again and will be able to establish a relationship. But not now.

Katara remained to help Zuko not only with treatment, but also with his policy. As a resident of an almost disappearing tribe, as well as an able leader, she helped him with projects and plans to improve the quality of life of the population and actively participates in them. She performed those missions that Zuko can only entrust to her. After all, she was a friend he could rely on and to whom he could open his feelings.

In her design, I wanted to reflect the combination of two cultures: Fire and Water. I was based on the designs of the "12 Kingdoms" (if you haven't watched this gorgeous anime or haven't read ranobe, I strongly recommend doing it. This universe is no less interesting than the avatar's world, I'm sure you'll like it), because the palace intrigues and the plot with winning the respect of the court reminds me very much of the story from there.

One day Zuko's legs finally gave up, he could not get up. All the stress he was going through was breaking his body so much that at some point the Katara's treatment stopped working.

It was a very difficult moment for both of them. Zuko has just started to promote his ideas and defend his rights to the throne, and Katara sincerely did not know what to do. If the truth about the true state of the Fire Lord had come out, all the ill-wishers would not leave this opportunity and attack, this couldn't be allowed. They urgently needed to create the appearance that everything is in order, but how?

Zuko came up with a very brazen idea. He asked Katara to use bloodbending on him to simulate walking. It was a very difficult request for her, because this skill represented the worst face of the war, it was created to torture people. And the last thing she wanted was to torment Zuko. She hesitated for a long time, he saw it, but he couldn't wait. He couldn't stop, it wasn't a luxury he could afford. Therefore, he went out, trying not to get up and move much.

Naturally, at some point his weakness was noticed at the most inopportune moment. Naturally, at this moment Katara couldn't let Zuko fall. Imperceptibly under her sleeves, she moved her friend's body like a puppet, causing him as much unbearable pain as most would not stand. But Zuko was not like that. He stood it.

It looked like this to me somehow:

They were both very depressed that day. He was suffering physically because of Katara's bending, and she could not believe that she had caused the suffering of a person dear to her. It broke and scared her, she opened the way to the Hama's madness, and was very afraid to fall into it.

Zuko assured her that it was impossible. Hama didn't have people to guide her, while Katara has friends. Maybe Zuko didn't consider himself the best moral mentor, but he promised to be there in the most difficult moments for Katara, and now he won't leave her.

This encouraged her and opened her eyes to her own cowardice. She was afraid of the darkness of Hama, and instead of curbing it, Katara hid it in herself, ignored it. And that's what it led to: the person who needed her help suffered. But she didn't want to run away anymore. She wasn't going to give up without a fight and turn her back on those who needed her.

At the beginning, Katara trained on herself, experiencing the same pain as the victims of bloodbending. Careless movement of blood through the vessels could cause internal bleeding at any time, it was very dangerous. The Hama's voice in her head pressed on her conscience, saying that innocent people felt all this pain, and only Katara was to blame for this.

Later, she learned to control the flow of water on puppets, like Hama. The point was to pass water through the threads without bursting them. Absolute control was required here, and Zuko taught her the techniques of firebending for self-control. This was necessary for Katara, because the Hama's voice in her head did not subside and did not allow her to correctly distribute her forces. It seemed like Katara was about to stumble, but Zuko wouldn't let her do it.

Gradually, Katara mastered this skill and tried to draw blood on Zuko's legs. The effect was unexpected. Her great willpower and desire to help him resulted in healing. Zuko began to feel his legs, and Katara discovered the reverse side of this bending. No, she didn't heal him completely, it's too early for him to get rid of the cane. But maybe one day she will become so strong that she can do it.

Katara realized that there was no evil magic, there was only evil intent. This was her first step towards learning to look inner demons in the face, and not to hide them in herself when it was possible to hurt others.

But what about the other design?

Katara's father sent her a letter asking her to return. Her family needed her help, because she was the last waterbender, a carrier of culture and skills, as well as a healer of a new level, the daughter of a tribal leader.

At home, everything was not the same as before, moreover, everything taked shape as a Northern Tribe. I really like the idea of the comic "North and South" about the problem of assimilation. Only here has Katara accepted all aspects of its culture, even the most unpleasant ones, and she would not give up so easily when this newfound knowledge was in danger of disappearing.

Actually, I wanted to draw her outfit of this arch. I wanted to redesign the costume for myself, because I like to do it. I kept the front strands of Katara, we don't talk much about them.

I would really like to describe the path of the rest of the team and what they do, of Aang and what happens to him. But I'm already tired of typing, and you probably read.

After all, the post is more about designs, and not about the AU itself, so the goal to reveal some of my ideas has been achieved in principle. Maybe sometime later.

Hope you enjoyed reading this :3

[severus-snaps]

a ramble and some open questions for fandom elders (and others) about whether Snape was only made more sympathetic on account of Alan Rickman's popularity/casting, and similar things

so I stopped engaging with a tiktok creator for a while who I'd previously found very interesting because nearly every time they brought up Snape, they'd throw in some casual "if Harry was a girl, Snape would be really creepy/predatory about it" or some other weird Snape take not rooted in anything (to my mind). Like, it was weird to me because they bring in book quotes or pottermore/interview snippets to other analyses of other characters and ideas, but never Snape - for Snape, it was always just about vibes and feelings. For Snape, the fact we never hear that he killed someone or the fact we never heard that he stalked Lily is, in fact, strong evidence that he did do those things - or certainly thought about it - and certainly enough to be considered predatory and likely to dose Lily (and later a hypothetical Harriet) with a love potion or keep them in his basement, or something.

I disputed that idea in the comments one time, and some Snape supporting comments outside of mine got removed and users blocked, meanwhile my comments were (I think deliberately) misinterpreted. I stopped using tiktok entirely for a while, and never went back to see if the comments got deleted or whatever. Tiktok never gave me any further notifications about it upon re-downloading, so I guess they were removed? Idk. I have no desire to check.

but all of that is background really; she's lately posted some videos (I still find the rest of her content interesting, but apparently snape content is a no-go lool) saying that Snape's whole characterisation is different after the 'three year summer' - that is, that JKR saw how popular Snape was in the films, that she had to find a way to keep Alan Rickman on board when he wanted to leave, and that when she took her break between writing GoF and OotP I think, Snape sort of morphed into a new character and she had to attempt to redeem him (which, in her eyes, he's not redeemed even at the end which is like. ok). She implied that there's no evidence of James' bullying prior to OotP, no evidence of Snape ever having had a relationship (much less a friendship) with Lily, and that all of that was tossed into the later books retroactively to 'redeem' his character. (Obviously, I have Thoughts on that, which I'll come back to).

Of course, with the sort of... bad vibes she's built up around pro-Snape comments on her videos, all of the comments were in agreement with her. I'm also new to HP/Snape in terms of actively engaging with the fandom online, as it somehow passed me by at the time. But now I have Thoughts

So with all of that in mind, and just because I want to hear other people's thoughts but TikTok comments are a nightmare on their own with the character limit, inability to read them properly/in order, and general vibe of TikTok comments (even without the creator deleting/getting antsy about pro-Snape ideas), if anyone wants to discuss this lot, I am keen to hear people's thoughts:

Was Snape always a popular book character, or did that change/skyrocket with Alan Rickman? (For my part, I don't remember hating Snape when I read the books the first time around - in fact, I hardly remember registering him at all - but I do remember hating Umbridge).

How true is it that Snape was made 'more sympathetic' following the films? To me, it doesn't make sense; the first big, weighty suggestion of the marauders bullying Snape was in PoA, which was released mid-1999; the first evidence that Snape was spying was in GoF, in mid-2000. The first film didn't even come out (Alan Rickman's charisma included) until 2001. Weirdly, the PoA stuff the user is convinced just says that Snape was jealous of James (probably true, not denying it) but in the exact same book Remus/Sirius all but admitted to Sirius trying to kill Snape, which seems like a massive overreaction to Snape being an annoying little hater of a teen that she never comments on because, I guess, Snape deserved it?

Also, does it matter if he was made 'more sympathetic'? ootp was published in 2003, and in early 2002 Alan considered leaving. sure, JK might have added/exaggerated SWM to make him more sympathetic, but the reasons for adding in scenes don't change the fact that that's now part of the fabric of the character - a character who, by this point, had already been revealed in PoA to be the subject of a near-murder plot at the hands of the Marauders and was Very Not Okay about it; the marauders had already been described as troublemakers; Snape was already shown to be wary of Lupin for reasons that weren't solely about him being a werewolf, but about the Prank/Trick/Willow incident. An incident, much like SWM, that occurred because Sirius thought it would be "amusing" to put Snape in a horrible position. if JKR wanted to, she could've made Sirius the ringleader in SWM - but for Snape, I think she just wanted to solidify why a grown man hates a child who looks exactly like his father, which was also referenced in the early books and strongly prefaced by the events of PoA in the Shack (I don't think she had it 'all planned out' from day dot, however, but went with the vibes and fleshed out the details later). Obviously, to this creator, Lupin's idea that Snape was solely a little bitch because he hated that James was better at Quidditch is to be taken at face value, despite the fact the conversation then moves on to Snape's near-death following Sirius 'trick'ing Snape into the willow

Same as above but with his characterisation; she acknowledges that the later books are darker and have a more adult tone, but somehow it's still suspicious that Snape's sympathetic backstory was never once alluded to in earlier books (which, again, I think it's fair to say it was alluded to, but in sufficiently lacking detail so that JK could deal with it when she got there). Also with PoA and GoF especially, there are hints of Snape going from his more 'silly evil teacher' which he kind of was in books 1 and 2, heading towards the more realistic, but still delightfully bitter and flawed, adult character as the books aged up. I haven't read the books in a while I'll admit, but from the Snape passages I have read, I never noticed a sufficient difference pre or post three-year-summer that didn't match the wider tone of the books changing also.

Unlike the tiktok creator, I also think that Snape's reaction to Harry in general is almost entirely to do with James, rather than Lily's so-called rejection, and so there's no evidence that Snape would be weird to a 'Harriet' that resembled his mother, or weird to Lily if he saw her again; I think with his characterisation it's more likely that Harriet would've been treated like Hermione, Ron, or Tonks - being largely ignored with the occasional insult and told off for causing trouble - aka, how Snape would treat most people. Outside of the one isolated 'mudblood' incident, Snape was a bit of a doormat when it came to Lily (bless his heart). He followed her from the train carriage without comment, backtracked when she appeared angry in the post-prank conversation, even the "I won't let you" seemed more "I won't let you turn him into some kind of hero" or even, at a stretch, an "I won't let you be with him" out of Lily's own safety or something than "I won't let you leave me", to me - because he did just let her leave him in school? James and Snape continued hexing one another in 7th year, but there's no suggestion that Snape ever tried to be weird to Lily.

To my mind, there's no suggestion that Snape stalked Lily, no suggestion that he asked Voldemort to capture her - just to spare her. And then Snape went to Dumbledore anyway, probably immediately based on how harried he is on the windy hilltop scene, because he knew Voldemort wouldn't spare her, and even if he did, Snape would probably have to keep up the ruse of 'desiring' Lily, and do the sorts of thing Snaters suggest he wanted to do, just to keep her alive. But with Dumbledore involved, Snape wouldn't ever have the chance to imprison/love potion her - and that wasn't what he wanted. He just wanted her alive so he wouldn't have played a part in her death. I also doubt that Snape had much time to think when Voldemort revealed who he was choosing to kill; it's not as though Voldemort makes decisions by committee. He'd have revealed his plans and Snape would make a quick, panic-stricken decision to tell Voldemort that he desired Lily (which he may have done, to an extent; he'd need to draw on something to back up his request when Voldemort undoubtedly looked into his mind to see why Snape wanted to spare his Priority #1 victim). And like I say, he then set up a meeting with Dumbledore, probably immediately/as soon as he could, sensing that that wouldn't work (was he not convincing enough? Did he just know Voldemort too well? I have so many questions about how that conversation went down, and subsequent conversations about Lily which presumably occurred after V's resurrection).

anyway, no conclusion, only thoughts too rambly for tiktok comments

[krems-chair]

I'm curious, and would love to hear people's thoughts on this.

Did anyone play a human? And did the people playing humans feel overall more satisfied with the game?

Amongst people critical of Veilguard, I guess I'm trying to pinpoint how much of the frustration ties in to what race choice you make.

I know for a fact based on posts I've seen that veteran fans who played as elves had a lot of valid critiques about the lack of a dalish/city elf split as well as a seeming lack of ability to confront Solas in any meaningful way about the multitude of actions he took that severely messed up many lives (God, he is a direct cause via his creation of the lyrium dagger in severing the titans from their dreams, therefore extinguishing an entire people).

But at least there are SOME dialogue choices for elves. The dwarves themselves get less of a chance to address the crimes committed against them than the elves do. And even Harding, whose story is rooted in anger over what happened, always ends up talking to Rook about believing in second chances even if you tell her to focus on her anger. I made a post earlier in my return to tumblr saying that Solas haters deserved better, especially after it was promised that this game would be for everyone and cover the ways in which an Inquisitor's relationship with him could be (generalizing here) good or bad.

Not only did the endings not deliver on that promise, arguably the group that has the biggest reason to at the very least chew him out and get out some of that justified anger at the titans having their dreams stolen and at the very most take him out for it if that fits with their ideal story is denied the chance.

And what about that cool as hell dwarven map we never return to?? I can't be the only one excited to go back who saved the exploration for later only to realize that was it.

And of course, the poor Qunari players, who probably thought "at last! A chance to explore and refine the lore we've gotten so far that absolutely needs to be fixe...oh. look. Face-covering seldom-speaking spawnable villains. Again. Great, a binary choice for Taash in which the Qun option is clearly shaded as more harmful to them than the alternative. Groundbreaking."

I haven't played as a human yet, and I know that race choice aside there's an abundance of issues to work through, but I'm so curious about how people who played a human felt/if it was easier to ignore some of what we lost or didn't get and enjoy the things that were done less poorly.

I'm fueled entirely by curiosity at this point and it's overriding my exhaustion as I prepare to go to sleep long enough to post this, so hopefully I don't look back tomorrow morning and go "wtf was I saying."

TLDR: full deep dives into the critiques of each of the three non-human Rooks are very worth doing and I've seen some great ones, but in a more general sense I'm curious how the human Rooks felt navigating the game.

(This is also, just in case it comes across that way, me trying to yuck anyone's yum. If you liked the game, I am happy for you! But if you didn't like it, I'm interested in discussing why not :) )

[elderwisp]

𖤣.𖥧.𖡼.⚘ non-sims interests 𖤣.𖥧.𖡼.⚘

thank you for the tag @living-undead and @changingplumbob ahh, now for the lore drop

⋆˙⟡♡ Dark Fantasy

But not the AI generated bs, I love watching movies from the 80s that created these whimsical worlds using practical effects. The mixture between mediums was always so impressive! Some of my favorite films are Labyrinth, The NeverEnding Story, 1981 Clash of the Titans (I believe it’s considered to be in that genre), and especially Dark Crystal! I was so happy when Netflix made it into a series and honestly heartbroken when it was cancelled. I also enjoy dark fantasy artwork, I bought these books from the 80s that teach you how to draw in that style and I hope that with time I can be able to apply those skills!

⋆˙⟡♡ Mythology

I had to talk about it I HAD TO- My favorite moments in my youth were visiting the public library and checking out mythology books, travel videos or world history books. The first was Egyptian mythology which sparked an interest in being an archeologist and then came Greek mythology. I think it’s part of why I love writing so much because of all of the great tragedies and comedies. There was always a God linked to a reason why something was happening!

⋆˙⟡♡ Traveling

Traveling was really rare growing up, unless it was a trip to Mexico during the summer and winter breaks. So I would watch a lot of travel shows to pretend I was visiting as a kid hehe! However once I turned 21 I stared going on solo trips and I think that quite literally changed something in me. My time in Seattle was probably the most romantic thing in my life and my time in Santa Fe was the most inspiring. I do wish it was more accessible but I think especially being an American, our focal point of the world is so narrow because everything is so centralized with us. I think of Europe and how it’s a one hour train to another country and that’s such a beautiful thing!

⋆˙⟡♡ Music

I’m not sure if I shared this story on my blog, but I grew up in the pentecostal church so media unless approved by the church was strictly prohibited. I didn’t actually start listening to music until my brother snuck me an album by the Killers (Hot Fuss u will always be famous to me). In the beginning it was mostly the beat of the instruments that I enjoyed, but I think as of late, it’s been the whole composition of a song. Especially when an artist is trying to communicate to you through every end from the quippy lyrics to the use of certain vocals, sounds, beats to elevate what they’re trying to put down. In a way, it’s become it’s own version of storytelling to me or even an autobiography for the musician/musicians

⋆˙⟡♡ Writing

I was gonna try and include something else but writing feels so attached to me that the years I went without it, I was genuinely the most unhappiest I’ve been in my life. I like to daydream a lot. I love to tell a story. I want to publish a book or an actual comic. These are all things that are deeply rooted in desire and so I want to work towards having those things! I think when everything feels complete on my blog, I’d probably take a step back from storytelling and focus on that although I’m really happy that I’m able to come here and put something out there. I think oftentimes I get in my own head about not being good enough but then I have to remind myself that why should I take away a moment of happiness? Writing will through and through be the pinnacle of my interests ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ )

i tag: @lynzishell @allfrogsmatter @simbleleven @abcdefhifluvu @alxandergoth

@venriliz @madebycoffee @daniigh0ul @flovoid

[some-pers0n]

Demoman is one of the characters in the fandom I feel most people straight up ignore or don't know how to write. Blunt, sure, but I do stand by it. Demoman is such a fascinating, intriguing character with the most fleshed-out backstories, yet is oftentimes relegated to being Soldier 2.0, only now with poorly written phonetics.

In other words, hey! I'm a fanfic writer who has a ton of opinions as well as a neurotic need to analyze every character they come into contact with. Pleased to see you're reading this. I've already done a little doohickey essay like this with Medic a while back. The purpose of these long rambles is half of me combing through every instance of the character and pulling them apart to see how their character works...and also me not-so-subtly venting and complaining about mischaracterization. Shocking how a fandom where the main characters are all very clear-cut stereotypes with some slight subversions here and there can't seem to get them.

This essay will go through Demo's beginning and all the way to his latest appearance in the 6th comic. I'll touch on how his character shifts and is expanded upon. I doubt he changes as much as Medic has over the years, but I think it will be interesting to see. I'll just go over bits of characterization, try to rationalize it, and then try my best to sum up all of the traits by the end and try to describe his character in the most canon-compliant way.

With that preamble out of the way, let's begin. This is also 7k words btw just...be aware of that, okay?

Before we actually get into proper character stuff, I wanna lay the groundwork first by exploring the types of characterization I see from Demo. Pick them apart. See what they're really like.

So, of course, there's the popular Redditor opinion of Demo that's mainly shaped by the way people play him in the game. There, people will describe Demo as being generally a bumbling drunkard. It's not too uncommon to see people say that he's an angry drunk. A man who is more concerned with alcohol and drinking himself into a stupor than anything else. I've also seen people say that Demo straight up can't read, which...euhhhhggg. He feels more like an alternative version of Soldier at times, which, again, isn't accurate to his character.

I don't care at all for this characterization. I do think a good chunk is rooted in racism and it's generally very uncomfortable for me to look at for too long. This characterization is pretty shallow and empty, which makes for a boring and offensive caricature. Reddit moment.

The second one is more interesting and the version you'll see more on Tumblr. It's this...odd version of him. I can't exactly put my tongue on what is off about it. It seems more accurate to his character. He's a foil for Soldier a lot of the time (Boots n' Bombs is his most popular ship let's be real) and generally isn't exactly seen on his own. Sure yeah there's the oddball art of him and him only, but let's be real most of his tag is mainly just him being in the background or saying a jokey-joke.

I actually fell back into Ao3 for a bit to skim over some fics to see what kind of characterization there was of Demo there to refresh my memory, and some of the common throughlines was shockingly that he doesn't drink a lot. "He rarely drinks!" I remember reading once. That's not right, no. He's an alcoholic. Like that's a core part of his character. Another fic had him being called "Cyclops" as a pet name. Ew. Anywho, other than that it's Demo being pretty into cryptids, having the Eyelander as a buddy guy, etc and etc. It's fun, but also it's missing...something.

Then, it hit me: Demo rarely is seen as an individual. He reminds me of Heavy in that regard, where most of his appearances have him be the straight-man to another character. Most of the time he's secondary and just a folly for the other characters. It's disappointing in that regard. Like you see a lot more stuff for characters like Scout, Medic, etc and etc with their own unique characterization stuff and getting their own attention.

So...then what is Demoman's character, exactly? Well, that's what we're here to see. It'll be pretty interesting, no?

----

So, funny thing is that Demo didn't change nearly as much as Medic has over the years. Sure yeah, the concept art of Demo was more of the generic stereotypical Scotsman. White, ginger, sideburns, that whole thing. Cartoony and fun design, but eventually they went with the Demo we all know and love today.

Looking at the concept art, it all seems pretty standard for the tone that Invasion was going for at the time. Nothing really to note there other than Demo's face being a stock angry grr grr expression. It is interesting to see how the idea of him wearing an eye was a constant even from the beginning though.

This then brings us to the voicelines. Ahh, good ol' characterization. Demo here is characterized as being jovial and having fun. He's throwing out insults left and right, damning them to hell and laughing at them as they die. Usual typical mercenary stuff. This is just personal headcanon material, but I always rationalize the way the mercs act on the battlefield as being a result from adrenaline and generally being drunk on blood. They aren't as mean when off the clock, but it's worth noting that these are how these characters act when a gun's in their hands and they're exploding people left and right.

TF2 really likes basing the characters off of the class they play as and how they act. Scout is fast moving and his gameplay is oftentimes getting right in someone's face and bolting, which is reflective in his hotshot personality. It's only reasonable that Demo is an explosive, fun, and generally cocky guy when out and battling. He's lobbing grenades and sticky bombs left and right. He isn't afraid to yell to the Medic he just blew up that he's been shagging his wife and calling the Scout he just chopped the head off "twinkle-toes". He teases and such when it comes to the other team.

However, the voicelines also very curiously give us a really fascinating look into his character. He's an alcoholic. He loves his scrumpy, which is not whiskey, shockingly. I thought it was whiskey for the longest time, but no! It's a cider! His stock melee is the bottle he uses to drink, now turning it into a quick weapon. His model in the main menu is him holding up the bottle itself. His default melee taunt is him taking a swig from the scrumpy bottle. It's a core part of his identity, let's be real. It's a part of the whole Scottish stereotype he has going on.

The game of course follows this. There's a lot of lines where he's slurring and babbling in a cartoony drunken way. A good portion of it is just him making vague threats...but a lot of it is also sad. He calls himself a one-eyed bloody monster. He weeps and cries. When jeering, he says he's hit rock bottom here. Interesting new development.

Apologizes for pausing to ramble, but I don't get why people try and sand down the edges to Demoman's character by making him out as though he isn't an addict. He is. That's something that is made abundantly clear. The iconography of alcohol follows him like his own damn shadow. I dunno. It bothers me.

I digress. There's some other bonus stuff I think is quite interesting. Most of his battle charges involve the other team. "Let's gettem lads!" and all. I think it's neat how he views his teammates as just that. Teammates. Those he fights alongside with. Another thing of note is how he occasionally has lines that are...odd in a way. Poetic and dramatic. Something that subverts the typical characterization. When he loses at rock paper scissors, there's a chance he'll say "Oh, 'tis a dark day", which. well then okay buddy.

So to recap: for characterization in-game, Demo is an alcoholic Scotsman who is generally pretty witty and functioning despite the incredible amounts of booze he drinks. He is energetic, bombastic, and generally hearty and having fun. He's not taking things terribly seriously and is generally just going about and blowing stuff up. However, there is a very noticeable streak of sadness to his character. When drinking, he reveals undertones of self-deprecation and hatred. Why? How?

...well, you just need to take a gander at his character card.

Erm excuse me what the fuck.

I honestly do not understand the logic behind this backstory. Like in a practical sense. Like, yeah!! obviously this backstory is sad and such! I really actually like this backstory and honestly I love writing him in the context that this happened to him. It's just that...I can't wrap my head around the idea of this being Demo's backstory given that everyone else has pretty silly little blurbs here. I think the darkest it gets is Soldier going to Germany years after WWII ended to kill people.

This??? Sure yeah TF2 gets a lot sillier and more cartoony comedic as time goes on, but even with the current tone where is the funny? I ain't complaining, I love me my angst, but this is so jarring to see. I suppose that explains why they retcon it later, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Hey, at least it gives us an explanation to why Demo is sad. We can pretty easily gleam a reason for his current behaviour in the game from this: his messed up childhood. To begin, Tavish Finnegan DeGroot was abandoned by his parents and left to live in an orphanage. Eventually, he was adopted and brought up by some foster parents, who he then murdered in an attempt to blow up the Loch Ness monster. This was when he was six years old. Actual child. 

He then went back into the orphanage, where he would tinker with bombs. Why? Insert whatever headcanon here, but for me I think it's a feeling of fascination, yet also heavy guilt. Perhaps revenge. Either way, he loses his eye from these experiments. Eventually however, he's brought back into the family when word spreads of his excellence when it comes to manufacturing bombs. The use of the word "lovingly" feels exceptionally sarcastic, but that could be in part to how his parents are later characterized. Either way, this is a result of the DeGroot tradition, which, and I quote, is wholly unnecessary and cruel. It even cites it as him being reintroduced into his family as the "end of his unhappy childhood".

...so yeah. Pretty safe to say the reason for his alcoholism is to cope with that. He feels the guilt over that and will breakdown into sobs over it even. Yikeesss... It can also mean that he feels as though he's held up to incredibly high expectations, having the entire DeGroot family lineage to live up to. Again, later on he's being nagged at for not being as hard-working as his father, who, in good ol' TF2 fashion, blew up the Queen for a nickel. It does certainly feel that way, no?

So this introduces a new wrinkle to Demoman's current characterization: he's an alcoholic who is happy and has an upbeat and fun personality (at least on the battlefield), but underneath it he's hurting and feels ashamed of who he is. He drinks to cope and manage it, yet it only seems to exasperate problems at times.

Can I safely say that Demo is the merc with the most fascinating and intriguing backstory and personality thus far? Sure yeah I love Engie a lot as well, but Demo's character actually feels like it is a result of the backstory written for him. Like all of the other mercs sure you can go on and on about stuff with them, like Scout and Spy and their whole deal, Sniper and his parents, everything with Heavy, etc. Demo?? Right off the bat there's something to chew on in terms of actual character writing.

What an interesting character! I sure hope later installations of the story will follow through on this and give him ample screentime!

Anywho, time for the Meet the Demo video. Again, a departure from the Meet the Medic video and how I rambled on and on about that one, but it was mainly due to MtM being something to mark a drastic shift in Medic's character from serious and angry to more silly and mad scientist-esque. Meet the Demo, due to it being one of the Meet the Team videos made so early on, doesn't really get the benefit of a short with a story, but I digress.

This one is stylized more like an interview, which, in canon, means he's telling this all to The Director and all. It opens with the title screen before the horns section seep in, cutting to a clip of Demo running while explosions go off behind him. A freeze frame cut before a voice-over of Demo comes on with the iconic line "What makes me a good Demoman? If I were a bad Demoman, I wouldn't be here discussing it with you, now would I!?"

Okay so just more confirmation and all of Demo's personality in-game. According to his bio, he has a short temper and all, which could explain him getting louder when asked that question. I don't think it's a joke or him exaggerating, since he seems genuinely pretty upset by the suggestion. He would have to be good at his job in order to be telling you this, yeah? Why even bother asking? It's an interesting bit of characterization that somewhat expands on that short temper.

More generic footage of him running about while explosions go off before coming back to the interview of him explaining a bomb in its simplest form. "One crossed wire, a wayward pinch of potassium chlorate, one errant twitch... and kablewie!!" Seems like filler dialogue, but I always like taking note of the fact he uses the chemical compound term as opposed to something more colloquial. It's just headcanons, but I really enjoy thinking that Demo is pretty damn smart and really gifted when it comes to making bombs and general chemistry. It's a clear passion and love of his and I like touching on it when I can.

The next couple seconds are shots between him taking a good swig of his scrumpy and then blowing up a level three sentry. It's just showing off his capabilities as a class. Nothing special (other than being cool and showing he's competent at his job). The real interesting part is his breakdown where he's on the verge of tears, exasperatingly telling the camera that he's...off. He knows it. There's not too many black Scotsmen, especially ones with a busted eye. "They've got more fucking sea monsters in the great Loch Ness than they got the likes of me" he says.

But, he perks up! He talks over a clip of him baiting a group of BLU mercs into a sticky trap. The voiceover is also really fascinating here. The way Demo talks reminds me something out of an Aesop fable. It's a very curious and fascinating way of talking. I wish this bit of characterization stuck around since it's pretty fun. "Come and get me I say! I'll be waiting on ya with a whiff of the ol' brimstone. I'm a grim bloody fable...with an unhappy bloody end!" is really cool.

The video ends with him taunting the mangled corpses followed by a rendition of the main theme with bagpipes. I should probably also mention Drunken Pipe Bomb, his theme song. It's an upbeat and fun piece with a mixture of the typical TF2 sounds (funky jazzy drums and bass guitar) as well as a Celtic flair, what with bagpipes, whistles, etc and etc. There's also a kickass surf rock section. It's quite the battle theme and definitely reflects a lot of Demo's character as being an energetic, explosive type of character who is proud of his Scottish roots.

So that's pretty much it for SFM bits for now. How about we take a step back and look at the first-ever actual TF2 comic: WAR!, where Demo really gets a big break for his characterization. We don't care about the Saxton Hale or Jarate ones. WAR! my beloved...

But first, the actual WAR! update. It was the sixth major content update released back in 2009. Remember when this game got actual content updates? Me neither. The update was based around the rivalry between the RED Demo and the BLU Soldier to excuse why they were adding new items for the both of them, with Soldier in the end winning the little contest and getting the Gunboats.

For canon lore, the update serves to introduce the idea that the RED Demo and BLU Soldier had a comradery at first. Friends! Interesting piece of characterization to have Demo explicitly go against RED and become friends with Soldier. The two of them do bounce off of each other quite well when they're paired up, I will say. They're both heavy-hitters in terms of gameplay and their personalities are quite loud at times.

For added voicelines, there's a bunch of the Administrator denouncing their friendship as well as domination lines for both Solly and Demo whenever they kill each other. Demo pretends he hates Soldier, but asks if he's okay, tells him that he loves him, and generally is like "but we're still friends though, aye? :]" He does care a lot about their friendship, which is pretty sweet and cute. Sure hope that lasts.

In the WAR! comic, we see Demo in a mansion. He's loaded! It's also confirmation that the mercs are given quite a lot of money, but apparently not enough for Demo's mother. She's nagging him about not working and saying that he should be ashamed for being so lazy, to which he rebuttals, saying he has three jobs and has made millions annually. Apparently not enough for his mother, since Demo's father worked twenty-six jobs.

She also brings up an interesting piece of information. "No demoman worth his sulfur ever had an eye in his head past thirty!" which implies that missing an eye is a family tradition to lose your eyes when working this job. Would this also imply that Demo is not thirty by this point, since he still has the one eye? Eh, whatever. 

Demo taking care of his mom in this old, nagging state is pretty neat characterization, as well as him holding down two other jobs besides mercenary work for RED. He's very capable and talented! He's also extremely caring and sweet. Even when his mum is complaining and griping about him not living up to his father, he gets her tea and takes care of her. He does respond with a lot of "I know mum" when it comes to that. He's heard it all before. She keeps saying the same stuff. I like thinking he knows fully well he can't live up to the extreme work ethic his father had or truly impress his parents and is pretty bummed out about it, but that's just headcanons.

Anywho, Pauling's there. She's there because the Administrator wants to break up the friendship between Demo and the BLU Soldier and instead have them be pitted against each other. While Soldier needs to be tricked and insulted by Demo and told that he's a civilian (something that he hates apparently), Demo is more coerced and convinced.

He's still loyal to their friendship, but, aye, there's something different about that sword there. Here's an interesting bit of characterization: Demo being a sword guy. There's a lot of medieval stuff relating to Demo, what with DeGroot's Keep, the Eyelander, his general way of speaking at times, etc and etc. It's fun and I think he takes great interest in medieval-period stuff, but, again, headcanons.

Demo feels conflicted. How could she make him choose between his best friend and this cool ass sword?? He doesn't give an answer, but Miss Pauling further pushes him to choose violence when leaving even more stuff for him as well as telling him that Soldier said that he'll join the fight. It's then assumed that Demo agrees by that point.

It's interesting to compare and contrast Demo and Soldier. Soldier, despite hearing all of these mean things, still wants to be friends with Demo. It's until "Demo" calls him a civilian, something personal and sensitive to him, is when he decides to betray him. Demo meanwhile is more swayed by things that he loves, but the final push is that betrayal. He only acts when he's finally told that their friendship has been severed. Curious how their loyalty is strong in those ways.

...I should probably sometime mention the actual retconning of his backstory however. Hoouhhh boy let's go. So, for the 2011 Halloween update, there was a comic alongside it. This comic had some cute gags, like Heavy giving a little boy he scared seven grand. However, the main attraction is the rewritten backstory for Demo.

I mentioned earlier, but I honestly can't blame them for maybe trying another crack at a Demo backstory that isn't as bleak and miserable. I do really like the original one because I'm a sucker for angst, but this backstory does work a lot better tonally when you're just trying to write some goofy stuff, especially if it involves Merasmus at some point.

The story retcons the whole thing and seemingly makes it so that Demo has always been with his parents and the reason he lost his eye was not because of some brutal accident but rather a currrseeee ooohhhh spookyyy. He's hired by Merasmus to sweep up the place a bit, with him being exceptionally clear to young Tav to not touch any of the accursed tomes. He does, of course. Nothing too much in terms of characterization. It's more just saying "Hey Demo's eye is cursed and that's why he lost it but! hey! it comes back once every Halloween!!"

Again, I can't really knock this version of events. They're simple, but goofy and fun. It's all up to whatever you're trying to accomplish with Demo methinks. If you want silly and whimsical stories, you can have that backstory. If you want gut-wrenching angst, probably should take the initial one.

Aanndd that's virtually it for Demo being important. Demo doesn't get too much plot relevance later on. He's just kinda done with. He shows up in Expiration Date for a quick gag where he returns with a bunch of beer, shouting and cheering while being unaware of how they all just learned they're going to die in three days. He then shows up again during the bucket scene and doesn't do much other than mouthing somethin' (I can't tell you want tbh). A new thing is that he plays piano! That's fun! He then kinda watches Scout try and ask out Pauling and he yells for him to describe what she looks like, which is just what Demo currently sees her as (drunk, blurry, etc). He then fights in the big battle yada yada and shows up at the end with the beer again.

The MVM trailer I suppose is a thing to be noted. Here, he's a BLU Soldier and is playing cards with the Soldier of the same team. Seems like regardless of teams, there's some sort of bond between the two of them. All that happens is that Demo is down to bust up robots with the rest of the RED mercs. Pretty much it.

It is quite unfortunate to see Demo relegated to a role so passive in the story and comics. I've mentioned it before, but I do have an ever so slight grudge against Soldier for taking up the majority of the screentime when it comes to the comics. Yeah, he's really fun to write about, I can't blame the writers for doing so, but also like...c'mon... In the end, we're left with a good chunk of the mercs being underdeveloped in exchange for a ton of Soldier trivia. Props if you like Solly though; your fave got the best treatment.

Ah, but still! Demo has some moments in the comics! Let's go through them! 

Uh. Upon checking most of the comics before the mainline ones, it appears he does not say even a single word. Or even show up in a good portion. Well that's disappointing. I thought he at least said like...one thing. The most he does in terms of characterization is put on a crown in A Fate Worse Than Chess, and even then that's just a silly cosmetic. Damn.

It's fine though! Because now we have the mainline comics! Hot damn finally some actual casual Demoman TF2 writing! Let's get a look and see what his normal usual personality is like! I wonder what fun shenanigans he's been up to.

The first time we see Demo he's babbling about his job being replaced by robots and looking utterly dishevelled and depressed.

Okay. That's...yeah pretty in line for his character thus far. An alcoholic who is struggling with some stuff and oftentimes will have a very vocal breakdown in front of others.

The way that he's characterized here is rather fascinating though, I'll say. He's depressed. From what we can glean, this is what his life has been like since the layoffs. He's gained weight (what with Soldier's very blunt "Hello fat Demoman!"), hasn't shaved, his clothes are dirty, and beer bottles are scattered in the living room. Even the Eyelander is like "dude you need to let it go" when Demo mumbles about robots replacing jobs. He's presumably lost his two other jobs and has just been laying on this couch, drinking booze and watching TV and nothing more, despite his mum's nagging.

This is a side of Demo we don't really see. Sure, yeah, we see the hot and tempered side (ex: Meet the Demoman and the general game) as well as the sad and weepy side, but it's never to this degree. Like full on depressive episode. Yikes. Sure yeah he gets dragged back into the plot and instantly gets back to himself (albeit more orange than actually black)(I keep forgetting how whitewashed Demo was in these first few comics), but it's played for laughs and gags.

What an interesting piece of characterization, no? I've seen a fair amount of major depressive disorder, BPD, PTSD, and or bipolar headcanons slapped onto Demo and tbh I can't blame them. I'd be really interested to see some fic explore that in greater detail. I'm too busy writing Engiemedic yaoi to do anything for now though. Womp womp.

The ending bit of the comic has Demo and Pauling mainly chat with each other. Oh yeah!! Demo and Pauling! They've got a couple pretty neat lines. For the usual contract it's just jokes about his alcoholism, his eye, and a couple about his mom and just general gags. In the Tough Break update, she's out drinking with Demo and nearly spills the beans about her job. Fun. I really like the Miss Pauling characterization where she regularly hangs out with the mercs. It's cute.

In the comics, she talks to Demo more like an actual equal than, say, Pyro or Soldier. She talks to them like they're children roughhousing in the backseat. Demo sits up front and the two go back and forth. Demo is the more mature and reasonable one here. Another thing that's a common bit of characterization in the comics is that Demo isn't...drunk. He's not slurring nor acting in a way that makes it immediately clear he's inebriated. He's pretty lucid. This can be from the fact that he's a very high-functioning alcoholic, but it also makes him out to be actually pretty all-there for most of the time. I've seen far too many fics where Demo is in a perpetual state of shitface drunk so that was a nice refresher.

Demo reappears in the second comic, where we get some pretty neat characterization. He's out on the town in disguise. I keep forgetting about that "What do you see?" "Not a damn thing. Let's switch places" gag that's so funny. Whatever. He is the voice of reason when it comes to Soldier. The straight-man character. He's not really...drunk here. He's not slurring his words nor is he exactly doing anything. He steps in front when Soldier starts yelling at an elderly woman, instead approaching her with a calm and kind demeanour. He holds Soldier back when he goes to strangle Scout for. I guess just being there.

So there's Demo when he's just doing stuff normally, I suppose. He's generally pretty level-headed, albeit because he's up there with Soldier. He's the Normal One when posed next to a guy like Solly. A little disappointing, but there's probably more in comic 4.

Ah the Swordvan comic. Demo and Pauling head over to Sniper's house to retrieve him. An odd bit of characterization is that Demo just takes one look at Snipes' house and goes "Welp, nobody's here. Let's get out". He doesn't seem terribly thrilled to be here, further backed up by him saying that there's just gonna be fingernails and jars of piss and he straight up says "good riddance" like what is his issue with the bushman??

Now that's kinda interesting. Demo sees Snipes as being kinda just gross and a raving lunatic. He could easily be in-place for the audience and just saying what we're thinking, but I think it's interesting to see that Demo, the guy often portrayed as being the weirdo party guy, being very straight-forward. He think Sniper is some sadistic madman and just wants out. Unfortunately, he's given a neckfull of Sniper's homemade family moonshine, so he can't get out quite yet.

A very common thing in these comics it seems is Demo being the voice of reason, which is pretty interesting. The straight man to everyone. When he wakes up to Pauling spitting on him to wake him up, he goes "eughhh gross, but, hey, it worked!!" before then is knocked out. He then stays quiet for the rest of the scene, unless of course you're counting the deleted pages. There's no dialogue, but Demo breaks free from the ropes binding him, yells at Sniper, then pushes past before then inserting three syringes-worth of the moonshine into himself and passing out. Alcoholism joke as per usual. Shockingly the first one we've gotten so far.

In the submarine ride down, Demo's passed out with his scrumpy in hand. Again just a gag about him drinking a lot. He then kinda stays in the background for the rest of the comic, only appearing really once to hold a vat of liquor, before then coming to in the final shot where he holds Sniper's dead body. Heyyyy Demo I thought you thought Sniper was a weirdo freak.

Nothing too much to say from this comic then. It's just establishing more and more that Demo plays a very...straight-man character role when it comes to the comics at least. He's reasonable, level-headed, and often just says whatever comes to mind. He's kind and will instantly rush to someone's aid when they're hurt as well as just generally being pretty good-hearted. Nice!

Comic 5 mainly just features a gag with Demo's liver being so overworked that he starts turning his other organs into alcohol distilleries. The whimsy. The line that I find most fascinating from this comic is from Spy.

Like oh okay so he straight up doesn't eat anything other than alcohol and aspirin. Water literally poisons him. Probably just a throwaway gag, but geez. It does say that he is kinda in pain all the time, at least to the point where aspirin is one of the few things his body can handle. Someone out there can probably work with that and make it angsty. Other than that, not much else for Demo.

Comic 6! The final one! Home stretch here folks before I can wrap this up and give a thesis on whatever the heck Demo's character is. Demo, again, is mainly just here for gags. It's the one thing I do really wish that the comics did more: explore Demo's backstory. Like you don't even need to keep the original one, but it's still fascinating to bring up the fact he has a family lineage at all. Instead, he's mainly just a straight-man character. But, hey, whatever. I'm just the one analyzing these silly comics and jokey joke characters for gay melodramatic yaoi fanfiction.

There's a gag about Demo's liver coming back to him after leaving. These soap opera drama scene could parallel the type of shows that he was watching when having that depressive episode, but that's maybe a bit of a stretch. He then gets included in that fun group shot, where his pose mimics that from the Meet the Demo, before then gets a one-on-one scene with Medic. 

These two are such a fun duo I wish Jaggerbombs was a more common pairing. Ah well. Medic catches Demo up on everything whilst he's stitching up wounds. The medi-gun is broken so they're doing this the old-fashioned way. Demo has a gag where he's still drinking, only that it's hydrogen peroxide instead. This then leads to a scene where Demo asks why Medic never gave him an eye. Reasonable methinks. Medic responds saying he did.

Demo gets upset. He raises his voice for the first (official) time in the comics. Again, his temperament. I think it's a reasonable thing to be upset about tbh. Like imagine being told after all this time you could've had your eye back. He then learns that, no, the procedure has been done before, but rather that it never sticks because of how his eye socket is cursed. Demo asks how he can't remember this, to which Medic goes "Hooh :] It's because I scooped out a part of your brain" because of course he did. He then forgets the entire conversation + probably Medic entirely.

Aaannnddd that's pretty much it for Demo. That's his last speaking role. Just a quick, simple gag about his eye being cursed, his alcoholism, and generally being the straight-man for others, even if he does have a couple silly gags too. Seems like a culmination of everything he is in the comics.

To conclude: Demo is a character I feel can take on two main roles depending on what kind of tone you're going for. If you want angst, you've got a character who carries the guilt of murdering his foster parents as well as the burden of being a DeGroot, turning to alcohol to cope with his sadness and general inability to deal with it all. If you want silly goofy stuff, you have Demo being a straight-man or a neat party guy if you like the bit from Expiration Date where he brings back beer and such. Of course there's nuance. I find it best to try and find a balance between these two opposing sides. It just takes time and practice to really get a hold of his personality methinks.

I do wish he was more in the comics though as his own person, y'know? He's very reliant on others in order for his character to function, whilst most others have scenes where it's just them doing something. I wish he was used more than being the guy who drags the others back to reality. Damn it sucks to see that the fics where he's mainly just the straight-man are kinda right in that regard.

But for character traits? Hm, let's see. I find it's just trying to make sense of what's given to you and seeing what best fits for the tone of story you're trying to go for. However, for me trying to write him? Well...

His alcoholism is a central character trait. He is definitely 100% an alcoholic, regardless of however people try and sand him down. I personally really like sticking to the idea that he straight up can't eat anything but booze and aspirin because I think it's funny but also sad, but that's me. I think him having a flask of scrumpy on his person at all times is a neat headcanon as well.

Another big trait with Demo is his frequently shifting mood when drunk. He can swing from loud to weeping in a couple moments. I wouldn't say he's particularly angry nor aggressive, no more than any other character at least. He's most volatile on the battlefield, but otherwise at the base I feel it wouldn't be an uncommon sight to see Demo partying until dawn or holed up in the living room and sobbing. Poor guy.

In spite of what many think, Demo is certainly not lazy. He's a workaholic is anything. He holds down three jobs and rakes in a lot of money in order to live up to his name as a DeGroot. It could be because he likes working that much or that his mother just nags him to push himself that far. That also ties into his self-deprecation, another core trait of his, but that's pretty obvious to see.

His heart is another big trait. The guy loves. He cares for his mother even when she nags at him. He sticks by Soldier's side until he feels as though he's been betrayed. He takes care of the Eyelander and treats it like a pal. He generally cares a whole heck of a lot about people and other things. He wears his heart on his sleeve and says what he means. He doesn't feel a need to really hide who he is as a person. He's loud, fun, and just naturally pretty sweet and kind. I don't think he's ever really "mean" outside of the game stuff. There's also the whole "being hired to explode people" part but ehhh that's just the silliness in him :]

Demo also being generally pretty...normalish. He's a guy who's really just going through it when you take the angst option. He oftentimes will try and hold back others from doing something stupid when sober. I feel like when he's drunk he's more willing to get in on dumb shit, but still. However, this doesn't mean he's wholly a normal person. I think you can do a lot of headcanons here where you bring out some traits that are otherwise not talked about too much.

There are a lot of liberties to be taken with Demo's character as per usual. A ton of writing a character to be, well, in-character is just getting down their voice and mannerisms. Understanding their personality and motives is just half the battle. Demo sometimes speaks like an old-timey medieval knight or poet or whatever. He's generally pretty well-spoken and whatever. For the love of god if you want to write him, you don't need to include phonetics constantly. Please. It's so much better that tu'try toh spell everay whurd like tis. Oftentimes people will just know what the character sounds like regardless. Just try and mimic his way of speaking more and you'll do wonders for actually making that character sound like, well, that character.

I've neglected to mention Demo being a black man a lot because, well, it never really pops up a lot in canon. I think the most recognition we get for Demo being black is him just saying that he's black. He's a black Scotsman and that's about it. It's curious since I've seen a number of fics where it's all period-typical racism angst and whatever, with Demo being used as a way for the author to get up and proudly say that they think that racism is bad by having Demo being called a slur and getting upset. How progressive. 

I dunno. I never really personally touch on period-typical bigotry stuff myself due to the fact that this is Team Fortress 2. Rocket jumping was invented before stairs. Besides, this is the late 60s/early 70s. The civil rights movement happened by this point. Not everyone walking the streets is gonna be some abrasive bigot. I don't know why people want to try and make it "historically accurate" to begin with since this series has never been period-accurate to begin with. I don't particularly think TF2 is a great series to go on about tackling period-typical bigotry either. Literally if you want Demo angst you've got the actual mountain load of angst with his backstory right there. Obviously of course people are allowed to write what they want and I do fully believe that sharing stories and portraying bigotry is important, but why with TF2??? Do people just really look at a POC and think their existence is inherently political and they need to make it clear they think Racism Bad, even though the tone of canon really doesn't match that?? Ah well. I'm just rambling.

Regardless, Demo is just a character where you can take a lot of different avenues with. Maybe you can explore his trauma and try and write about how he feels trying to live up to his family name. What about his issues with his now-deceased father? Maybe you can forgo that and have him be a partner in crime to Solly or whomever else, with the occasional glimpse into his more sensitive self. Really, it all just depends on the story you're trying to tell. Ultimately, writing Demo with a healthy mix of comedy and angst is probably what is best done if you just want a pretty in-character version. He can be out on some grand adventure to take down Nessie with a merc or two AND have it be a story about him coming to terms with his past. That's just a me thing though lol.

Demo, like the rest of the cast, is an easily moldable piece of clay. All of the mercs at their very core are just funny character archetypes. They can be whatever you want them to be. It's just best to work with their original characterization and personality in mind, y'know? Fanfic writing is mainly about having fun anyway.

Speaking of which, enough procrastinating for me. I need to get back to writing my yaoi...

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

Enhypen's Energy Check In (May)

Disclaimer: No facts, all alleged. This is my interpretation of the cards and energy I work with.

I will start with them for my faves group energy check in for the weekend. I will do a general energy reading for the group as a whole. Then go to each member, looking into their own general energy, their career, love life and the group dynamics from their viewpoint and I like to add a healing message for them as well, so lots to cover here, but highly interested to see what is happening with them, since it has been a while, since I checked in.

Group General Energy (Gemini/House 4)

I just laugh getting this Gemini card. I see lots of communication happening with them. They love to chatter and discuss things. I see information getting spread, what that means who knows, but I heard that. I can see gossip around the group, or the members gossiping about each other. I see fakeness. The members not truly being themselves or pretending to act or behave a certain way around each other. I also get passive aggressiveness here. Omg, I am getting some of them being like 'good for you,' but they are so fake about it, that is funny.

Now, it seems like aa a group they are trying to lay down their roots. They do seem to feel like a family and there is a level of stability and comfortableness between the members. So, through the madness. They all have some sort of comfort level with another. I mean families can be messy and annoy each other, so that seems to be the case with them. There is this sense of them being rooting and grounded and at ease with another. And there is this sense of rapport and support they have for another. So, to me there is this energy of them trying to keep the energy up and the vibes good, but underneath there is a level of fakeness here.

Heeseung

General (8 of Cups) This energy doesn't surprise me for what he has giving me lately. He seems to kind of just want more from life, maybe wants out, or just emotionally disconnected from the group. I see him pondering things and just wanting more things that would be fulfilling to him. It is like he is trying to find that things that makes him happy or fulfills him and what he does now just isn't it. I feel with Heeseung lately he just seems to be emotionally checked out and kind of lacks that joy and fulfillment in his life at the moment.

Career (3 of Swords/2 of Pentacles/9 of Pentacles) What I get from this it seems he wants to do his own thing and claim his own independence and do more solo work. It is like he is considering options of what he wants to do. He may want to do things and make money from things that he is proud of but also make his own type of money. And to build his own career he can call his own. I see him being hurt and frustrated and I do think the company blocks him from doing the things he wants to do, so he can get upset by it, and maybe that is why he may feel so done and check out. I see there being options for him, but the company is like nah.

Love (Death/Ace of Cups/7 of Swords) Well, the first two cards gave me hope, but that last card. Now this could mean he is hiding a relationship and hiding the details of this relationship and trying to sneak around. I see love for him or a new love for someone. This relationship can be transformative for him. It can help end cycles or break cycles or just release things for him. This relationship may help him enter a new phase and bring changes to his life, but also maybe help him feel again, or feel some semblance of joy, which he struggles to find in his career, so this is good if true.

Group Dynamics (Rescuer/Queen of Swords) Sorry, girl forgot to write down the last two cards lol Just noticed when editing this, my bad.

So, this first paragraph will talk about what they believe they bring to the dynamic. He gave me the rescuer card, so he feels he is the one that support the others. The one that is always there for him. The dependable one. Who unselfishly supports them and loves them. If they need help with anything. They can count on him. He gives them strength, love and support and expect nothing in return of that. It is like he is their safety vest, he kind of keeps them from drowning, cool analogy I got there.

He isn't giving me much about the group dynamics. I see him just learning to see things clearly. There is this detached energy with him, or he is someone who tries to stay calm and clear headed when it comes to the group. I see him trying not to get overly involved with the others. He tries to stand back and he more so observes them. He is someone always willing to listen and give helpful, sound advice that isn't too hurtful. He is someone that always tries to find the light out of things, or see the good out of things, so the members may seek his advice because he is a good at this.

His presence is very calming around the group. He is someone who is more grounded and stable and sees things in a practical sense and he is very reasonable, but can find a golden opportunity for anything, so I can see why they seek him. But his vibe is someone who stays away from drama as much as he can from the energy, he gives me now. He tries to be helpful in any way he can, and he can help keep the group focused, serious and on task.

Healing message (Snake Spirit) The number on this card add up to ten, so it reminds me of the 10 of swords, but also an ending of a cycle and releasing his burdens is what need to be done for him. It is a time for him to shed his skin but also heal and replenish himself. He may very well need a break or some time to refresh himself. He may just feel burnt out and just lack any sort of spark or inspiration, so he may just need time for himself to shed things out of his life, and to detoxify himself.

Jay

General (King of Pentacles) Now should I be surprised this came flying out very quickly lol He is so predictable lol Which is very Earthy energy and Taurus energy. Right now he is in his element. He stands in his power. He is confident in his skill, his capabilities and what he has accomplished. He values what he does and how he earns the money he does. He is someone who doesn't back down without a fight. He is a stubborn man and he knows the value he has. This man is all about business and money and it seems that will be a mindset he may always have. He is money driven and knows very well how to work the business aspect of things. He seems very in control of what he does as an idol. And what he does is very strategic, practical and about business.

Career (4 of Wands/The Magician/8 of Swords) I am surprised the 8 of Swords popped up for him. Overall, he feels he has a lot to be proud of, and he has achieved a lot. He seems happy with where he is at and happy to work where he works. I see him celebrating and enjoying what he does. It seems he is confident in his skills as I mentioned, and he likes to utilize them and share that with the world. I see him wanting to try new things or just utilize different skills of his. I don't see him wanting to be one dimensional. I can also see him trying to use different ways to make money or get opportunities. I asked for clarifiers for this 8 of swords, got a bunch of more swords, including 7 of swords, hmm, he may not be sharing information or hiding something from others and the public. This energy is weird, Jay doesn't open up too much, so not going to try to see what this means. There is this sense of feeling trapped and limited for him.

Love (Page of Cups/The Tower/4 of Cups) I can see him dating a younger female/person. I see something unexpected happen. I am not getting pregnancy, as POC's could give me that, but not seeing that here. I mean this connection doesn't seem that stable and was a bit tumultuous, so this doesn't seem like a connection that could have lasted long. Both may have been too emotionally immature to handle this connection. I can see things being hot and cold, two people clashing or getting into arguments. And now I just see emotional disconnect and just him wanting distance from this emotional rollercoaster, dude this may be why you should go for older woman, but he likes to make the mistake of going younger, just saying. This connection seemed like a disaster. Also, they had delusions going into this relationship and weren't too realistic about things.

Group Dynamics (Healer/3 of Pentacles/King of Pentacles/The Star)

He feels he helps them heal physically, emotionally and spiritually. He tries to help them improve themselves and their lives and could give them advice on what to do to deal with life struggles. He could give them technique strategies, or advice of how to cope with things. He could give them remedies or just tell them ways of how to handle themselves. So, if they need to improve on something. Jay is that person to help them become a better version of themselves. He works out, so I can see him telling them, they need to do this or that to stay physically fit, or share with them better eating habits, or what they can eat or take to feel better.

The number of pentacles this man gives me. I don't really see him focusing too much on the group. He feels they work well together and make a great team. He mostly likely sees them as business associates or coworkers. I don't see him being all that emotionally invested in them, which is fine, sometimes going about your own business is the best option. He is about making his money and rising up the ladder and allowing his star to shine. He has big hopes and dreams to be successful, but he can also see it for the group. It is like in his mind he may help carry the group, or be that one who keeps the group focused on being financially stable and successful. With the Star, I am seeing this energy of providing healing and hopeful energy for the group, but he seems to have big dreams and he has this strong desire to make loads of money with the help of the group. In his mind he is looking to rise to the top and that is his main goal. So, I don't see him too worried about the inner dynamics of the group.

Healing message (Chameleon Spirit) I feel like he is already exuding this energy, with the key phrase, act as if. I think he is learning not to care so much about others, not to be selfish, but to not put all his energy into others, as it can overwhelm him, but also this may be telling him to be more adaptable and learn to change things up from time to time and to not be overly stubborn or ambitious. To learn to lighten up and have more fun from time to time. Maybe to not concern himself to much about his goal in hand and to try to put less pressure on himself and just let loose more often. Life for him doesn't always have to be so serious. Also, maybe do something without a goal in mind, but just to do it because it is a fun or helps calm him. It is like there needs to always be a mission for him, but every once a while, just do things to just do it.

Jake

General (9 of Cups) Of course he would give me something happy. To him it seems his wishes come true. What he wants is what he gets, or he just finds happiness in what he does and he doesn't ask for much more. It seems at the moment things are going his way, so whatever he is hoping to do it may happen for him. He is also just someone who finds peace and contentment with pretty much anything. He is the type to try to not stress too much or over think things. This is a good mindset to have with this stressful and toxic industry to be honest, so good for him.

Career (The High Priestess/Temperance/Strength) Well whatever is happening. He likes to keep it behind closed doors and doesn't reveal too much of what he does or what he is trying to do he would rather just keep that to himself. I see him trying to find balance but also finding ways to moderate what he does and compromise some things, or he is willing to make compromises. He is kind of showing me he isn't in the energy of trying to overdo things or burden himself too much. I see him making bold moves or trying some new things and facing any obstacles that come his way. He seems ready to start this new venture, which could do with the new album. It is like he is ready for the promotion to begin. Overall, he seems good so far.

Love (The Hierophant/Temperance/2 of Pentacles) I am not sure what to make of this. I did stress for him not to tell me about the baby momma, because he always shows me that, so he did listen, but not sure what to make of this spread. It seems like he may have some advisor or someone giving him guidance, maybe even observing him when it comes to relationships. I just heard, I am watching you. I think these two cards are just him practicing to learn to find balance in his relationships, or he is working on having a balance of his love life and work life and to not consume himself with either or, so that may be where he is at right now. I am not seeing anyone in the picture, doesn't mean there isn't, but more so he is just learning to practice moderation, maybe not to hoe around too much, let me stop, but it seems he is getting some guidance about this from others. Someone of high standing.

Group Dynamics (Knight/Knight of Wands/2 of Swords/5 of Wands)

Hmm, so what he brings to the group, love, honor, charm. He tries to be caring and loving to the members. He also has that energy of wanting to support them, but also, he seems to be a defender of them. He seems like a loyal person who is devoted to his members. It seems he would do whatever he can for them. I just see overall this charming and loving energy from him. It is like he would try to be to their rescue if he can. He seems like the type that would have their back no matter what, even if they are in the wrong, this is from outsider, it is like us against the world when it comes to him. He can be the type if they do shady stuff, not like he doesn't, but if they do, he will have their back and hide their stuff. He is like that.

I was expecting him to give me all positive cards, but nope. He sees the members as very passionate and has their own desires to fulfill their own passions and desires. He sees a lot of disagreements, fights, an unwillingness to budge on their opinions and lots of competition. All of them, or most of them trying to be on top and compete with one another. So, he is showing there is drama and competition, not surprised, more so that it came from his energy. I will be real, I don't see him hating this though. He may kind of like the drama and competition. I can also see him being pulled in different directions, and maybe unsure which side to choose, so maybe sometimes he just stays neutral, so there is that.

Healing message (Hawk Spirit) Basically this card is urging him to follow his soul path, his intuition and his gut, rather than trying to see or do things that seem more practical and rational. I kind of feel he does that already though. He doesn't give off the vibe he cares too much about materialistic things. But this card may be nudging him to follow his compass. He may not be doing that, so he should go by what feels right for him and if it doesn't, he should not go in that particular direction. This card urges him to align with his true heart's desire and if he feels something isn't right, then it isn't. There could be something in him, that is like maybe I shouldn't do this, but he still does it. This card tells him if he feels that way, stop and listen and change course.

Okay, I am getting a random message, but just sharing, the card number adds up to 5, which reminds me of the 5 of wands and swords, and I can see him looking at the members fighting and he just sits there and goes, I should stop this, but he kind of enjoys the fighting, so instead of following what he truly feels he should do, he ignores it and has fun with it, that was an interesting tidbit I got there.

Sunghoon

General (Judgment) Interesting card to get from him. It seems he may be facing some sort of criticism lately. Or he may try to right some wrongs or trying to review the mistakes he may have done in the past. To me with this card I kind of see someone reprimanding him and I kind of seeing them tell him to do better, so it seems to him he needs to make some changes and learn to make some better choices, so that is where his energy seems about now.

Career (The Hierophant/5 of Wands/The Moon) Once again, seeing something about the company involving themselves with him. He could be observed as well, similar to Jake. I see some guidance or him getting some sort of guidance, but this need for him to improve and gain more wisdom. There seems to be this competitive energy with him when it comes to his career. A need to be on top, or he feels he needs to fight for things and battle to get the things he wants. It seems like it can be difficult for him to get what he wants. It is like for him he always has to battle for an opportunity. It seems things can be secretive and hidden with him. He tends to hide his emotions and keeps to himself. He seems pretty down, sad and stressed about things regarding his career as well. And there seems to be a lot of uncertainty and confusion with him when it comes to his career.

Love (10 of Cups/The Star/8 of Swords) Ugh, this doesn't really make sense, but I kind of see something here, because he does not give off the vibe that he is happy go lucky, romantic and about that family life at all. But these cards can show that, but his energy does not give off that vibe. So, I can see this as this may be something he aims for, or hopes for, but he can never really reach that or have that. It can also go back to his lackluster childhood and not getting love then, so he yearns for that now, but he tends to avoid it, or distance from it, and hides away from having that. There is this struggle and inability for him to find that happiness or he may feel he can't have that, so he may find ways to sabotage things. It is like he sees this happy family life, but thinks he can never have that. That is kind of sad. Anyway, this dude is very intricate. I feel I learn more things about him every time I read for him, like new layers get revealed.

Group Dynamics (Father/Page of Pentacles/Page of Wands/10 of Wands)

For the group. He kind of has this more stoic, father like energy. He tends to maybe tame the members or keep them on task. I can't see him ordering them around, but I get that. He seems to be a stable force for the group, and tends to calm things down more so than other members. I also see him observing them and trying to keep things in order. Maybe that is where ordering them around comes from. He keeps things orderly and organized. And keeps them all together. He is most likely the member that isn't overly reactive or emotional and tends to stay pretty cool headed.

He isn't saying much here, just that they are all trying to grow their skill and advance. Some want to have fun and explore new things. Others take things more seriously and focus on their craft and skill. But he still kind sees them all as amateurs at this point, and there is this struggle to grow and mature. He seems them being overworked and tired and trying their best to stay afloat. But they are tough and can endure a lot and find ways to move past this exhausting and burdensome times. So, his energy shows of this stoicism, of just observing them, seeing their progress and showing how burdened they are. The energy seems matter of fact about their dynamics.

Healing message (Crow Spirit) This dude does not exude spiritual at all, although I did get spiritual energy from him in the past, overall, he does not give off that vibe, but the key phrase on the card, is co-create with spirit. I can see him laughing at that. I had to read the guide book message, because I had no clue how to connect this with him, but basically the message is he has this sense that there is no magic, no possibilities, there is no reason to have faith, or he may not believe in good luck, so this card urges him to see more of the beauty and abundance the world has to offer, rather than seeing things in a negative light. I can see that being difficult for him, but hey, don't shoot the messenger. It is like his life until now may have been crappy, so it is hard for him to see the light, which I get. If the world has been cruel to him growing up. Not sure how one can believe the universe has your back.

His part was very interesting and insightful. Probably my favorite section. Although, this man is flawed. His story is very interesting and there is a reason to why he is that way. Never excusing, but also here to understand. At the end of the day we are souls living a human experience and due to the cards, some are dealt we may lean towards the light or shadow. We can't know something, until we lived it, so it is important to gain insight, but reduce the level of judgment we have.

Sunoo

General (King of Cups) Well, this threw me off. This could be Sunoo's energy, but he doesn't really give me KOC's energy, but maybe he is being more mature. Trying his best to tame his emotions and remain calm though this stage in life. There is a sense of him wanting to feel unbothered and to not get triggered as much. He could also be talking to someone else who could be giving him some sound advice to remain more emotionally steady. Although, he is a man of many deep emotions. It seems he is trying to create a boundary of not being too vulnerable or overally emotional.

Career (Page of Pentacles/Queen of Swords/Page of Swords) I believe I see him trying to impress this woman. A director of some sort. She is smart and makes a lot of decisions when it comes to the group, so he seems to be trying to improve his skills, but he still feels stunted and not able to make any further advancements, but he sticks to what he wants to do. She seems for him she is hard to impress. She can be pretty cold and harsh with her criticism, but she is open to listen and hear them out if they need help. Sunoo seems a bit hesitant to voice his concerns and opinions and is a bit shy and timid, so he may get overlooked by her. I see her wanting to hear him out, but there is this fear of opening himself up too much, or he lacks confidence in what he knows, but I see her trying to encourage him to communicate more, so another reason he may not get too many opportunities is that he doesn't push for things or stand out that much, so there is that.

Love (The World/Queen of Wands/The Empress) I do not see this man being into woman, but if he is. There could be some person he is interested in. He may see her as a potential partner, but also seeing Queens doesn't mean woman, it can be feminine energy, men have that too, but as I see women, let's go with that. He can see a potential partnership or Mother material with this person. He may like her creative energy, since both those cards give off creative energy, so this may be someone he inspires to be around, or he would want to be with someone that exudes this type of energy. I feel he would be complete around this type of person. I see him being into these creative, warm type of people. I am not sure he is dating, but he is thinking that this is his type, and he may want to explore more.

Group Dynamics (Healer/The Sun/Strength/The Devil/The Lovers/5 of Swords)

I guess him and Jay battle for who the healer is in the group. Now, since Sunoo takes care of his health and skin and stuff like that and the members tend to take his stuff. I can see why he can see himself as the healer, but also, he just radiates this warm and loving energy and he can be healing to be around, so I am not sure he gives as much advice as Jay, but he could. He just has a way about him that others want to emulate, and he seems like he takes care of his health, I hear probiotics, he did mention he takes that right, so they may see the things he buys and goes, hmm, what is that, let me try that. Lol I just sense he is like a pharmacy for them, that is funny.

Okay, he gave me a lot of cards, but he is giving me tea, so taking them all. So, let me start with the spiciest one that is the Lovers, now in this deck, the Lovers to me means lovers lol So, he is showing me there is some romantic interest or sexual chemistry between members, yup saying, in this deck, that card is very intense. So, I see attraction with certain members, don't ask me who ya'll, make guesses, not saying. It could involve him, as this is his spread. And I sense there is some attraction between him and some members, yup said it, but I find it interesting he is the only one so far that gave me this card and vibe, just saying.

Also, there are fights, they can annoy the hell out of him and each other, some members are hard to argue with, so some keep their distance. There can be some toxicity with the Devil card, or he just sees a lot of members struggling and dealing with their own demons. Or he thinks some members are bad apples. I can see him feeling some have big egos, are stubborn, but they also have a lot of energy, a lot of happy times, they give each other energy and shine bright together. He sees they may be stronger together or they can endure a lot. With him he sees things are very surface level and members really don't get too deep with another and keep their secretes with them, so they may not know much about each other on a deeper level. Whew never had him spill so much, but okay, I am here for it.

Healing message (Canary Spirit) This one is a perfect message for him. The key phrase is sing your own song. So yeah, he needs to do more of that, but also this card is about letting yourself shine and learning to embrace and allow himself to be his authentic self. To no longer hide behind a mask and to not be afraid to be him. Also, allowing himself to be heard and to speak up more, and to not be afraid to share what he wants. He should learn to express himself more freely and honestly.

Oh wow, this was probably my favorite Sunoo reading. He seemed much more open to talk this time. I loved his part too. Okay, final two members. I truly hope Jungwon is less complicated this time around, come on bias.

Jungwon

General (King of Cups) Same card as Sunoo. I wonder if he is the one giving Sunoo advice, anyway. I barely ever get this card from him, so he seems to be more in the energy of allowing his emotions in or following his emotions, or he seems to be wanting to give love to others and sharing his feeling with others. I see him more so wanting to give advice to others. Like Sunoo, he knows how to create boundaries and to not allow his emotions to get the best of him.

Career (3 of Cups/4 of Cups/King of Pentacles) Well, he is still continuing to be confusing af energetically, so on one end he is happy, having a good time, enjoying the company of others, maybe he is learning to have fun with the members, to spread good cheer. This could also be him wanting to have fun with fans. But then I see detachment and emotional distance, which goes against the KOC's and 3 of Cups energy. He seems to have his highs and lows. One minute he is happy and emotional. The next sad and detached and disconnected. Now, to the KOP's, so he is very focused and driven on achieving what he wants. He seems very business and money focused. I can see why he and Jay are besties and tied to the hip now. They seem to relate a lot and have this energy of wanting to make loads of money and be financially successful and will do what it takes to get it. His energy used to be simple and straight forward, but not so much the case anymore for me. Which can happen, energy shifts. He is now a bit more layered and complex. Which I kind of like as a reader.

Love (The Lovers/8 of Swords/Ace of Cups) Hmm, interesting, what this gives me there seems to be an open door and opportunity for him to find love or there is someone in the picture, but with the 8 of Swords in the middle. He tends not to act on it. It is like he is surrounding by love and potential partners, but he avoids it and doesn't take action. There could be this fear of commitment, or being vulnerable, or he could have options, but doesn't know which direction to take, but there is this lack of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, or he might not see the good in opening himself to love and romance, so I don't see him ready to take that step yet, but it is there.

Group Dynamics (Advocate/Wheel of Fortune/2 of Swords)

I can see this, he seems to be the one that advocates for the group. That supports the group first and foremost. He may push the others to keep going or put themselves out there. He seems to be the one who sees the potential in the members and tells them to act on things. It is like if they want to do something. He will be the first to support them and motivate them to do what they want to. He is that supportive member that wants them to grow and flourish and he seems to want that for the group as well.

Not going to lie, this 7 of Swords has been following Jungwon around when I read for him and the group members behind the scenes. So, either he is being sneaky, manipulative, hiding information, or he could have this energy of wanting to sabotage others, or he seen that in other members, but this is popping up for him, so this may be more about him. This could do with money and career opportunities and him and others being sneaky about that. I just got, he extorts information to get the upper hand ugh really Jungwon, I have always got the vibe from him, but he hasn't shown this energy in a while, so I forgot lol. Man, that is so dirty lol. He is my bias, but I keep it real. He takes information from other members and uses that against them to fit his desire and needs. I did mention, you have to be careful with him and not slip up, he will catch it and share it for his own selfish needs. I love my bias, but he is a sneaky bastard. This can create confusion, being at odds, and fights with others. I can see him being at odds with a lot of members right now. There is a reason Jungwon is my bias, but this energy of his is not a good look, but if I talk sh** about the others, if his dirt comes out. I am going to say it. I don't care if you are my bias. But I am open-minded, so I don't hate on my faves for being problematic. Oh man, I tell you this is why I don't need a tea session with them. Any reading of theirs is tea!

Healing message (Skunk Spirit) I feel Jungwon may struggle to know his worth and value and may do some dirty things to get what he wants, because he seems to not have confidence in his own abilities. There seems to be a lack of self-worth, or he tends to struggle to see his value, so he may not think the skills he has can get him too far, so he does things to skew things in his favor. He may also have this energy of making others feel small to make himself feel better, which can happen to people with low self-esteem or confidence. So, he would need to work on his confidence, so he wouldn't feel the need to do what he does.

Riki

General (9 of Wands rv) Oh no, that is not good to see this energy. This gives me he is struggling to stay afloat. He may struggle with putting up boundaries. He can be pretty vulnerable right now. And it can be hard for him to stand up for himself. He may feel attacked or too much coming at him that it can be hard for him to handle. This just gives me someone who struggles to handle all that is coming at him, also a lack of being prepared for things that are happening.

Career (The Hierophant/The Fool/Page of Pentacles) Interesting spread. I see the company having a lot of say, which makes sense. I can also see them advising him on mistakes he may have made as well, or his careless behavior as well. They may want him to be more cautious about things or focus on things a bit more diligently. To learn to stay focused on a task at hand. It is like they want him to be more mature and wiser. I mean, there is this immature, naive energy he still has. This carefree spirit, which make sense he is a Sag and very young, what do they expect. I just see them wanting him to be more cautious for some reason.

Love (9 of Pentacles/Queen of Pentacles/The Lovers) There seems to be the sense of independence and freedom he feels right now when it comes to love. Like he may enjoy his singlehood at the moment, but I also see him having an eye for someone, a person who is business savy, independent and makes their own money and way in the world. I see him desiring someone like that energy. They would need to have a free and liberating energy, but also have this abundant mindset and can be very skilled and make anything happen for them. I can see him being very attached to this person, but I see this may be someone he is showing being highly attracted to, so not sure he is with this person, but more so this is what he wants in a partner, and he may be trying to manifest or attract this person to his life. But I do see this man looking for his other half and it seems to be someone older and successful.

Group Dynamics (Priest/9 of Wands/8 of Swords/King of Swords)

I would not expect him to give me this card, really. He may feel he is a bit above them all morally, like he has better morals than the rest of the members. He may be someone who tries to preach to them what is right or wrong, but not sure how well that works out. So, I can see him trying to inspire them and lift their spirits up if they feel down and lost. Riki does not give me the vibe he gives motivational speeches, so this may be more, so he feels his morals are stronger and he may feel he is the only one that hasn't been tainted. There is this moral high ground he feels he may have.

His energy is like, I don't f with ya'll and I don't trust ya'll. He got some boundaries around himself when it comes to them. Yeah, he doesn't let them get too close to him, it could be specific members, but maybe at the moment it is all of them. He may feel trapped, like he can't express himself around them or can't freely say what is on his mind. I am seeing he is starting to see things clearly and how the others operate. He may have been deluded about them in the past. But he seems pretty detached and more logical and maybe just shares basic information, but never really goes too deep with them. There is this energy of him having a lot more information about the group. I get, I see you for what you are, is what I hear. So, his emotions are shut down and he is more logical with how he approaches the group.

Healing message (Canary Spirit) It seems this is giving him the message to release something on his own and maybe he will soon. This also shows he needs to shine a light on himself and share his authentic voice to the public and others and speak up for himself. He may struggle to open up for a fear of judgment or being ostracized. This card urges him to do the things he desires, even if it isn't popular, so he isn't someone who is that into the popular trends but his way of style is more niche, so he may struggle to speak up on it, or release things or share his thoughts on wanting to release these things, due to fact that he may believe no one will like or entertain it, but this card urges him to be himself and express the art the way he likes to. This could be hard to practice in this industry, which is very commercialized, but it can't hurt to try.

Okay, that was crazy fun to get some more insight and tea from them. I like to do these more often, but I think every two to three months will be my goal. This one takes a bit longer than I like, but I enjoy the information I get from these. And it is nice catching up with them energetically.

[shorylovebot]

So, I don't like C0rpanga. In fact, they're probably one of my least favorite canon ships of all time. However, I think that in seasons 1-4 (s1 especially) they weren't that bad of a ship. This can, in my opinion, be attributed to one thing: they worked a lot better as narrative foils than as each other's perfect match. When weird, feminist, hippy s1 Topanga was on screen, challenging Cory's stagnant ways and showing him there was more to life than status or whatever else middle school society was obsessed with at the time, I was absolutely rooting for them. It was super compelling and would've made for a great opposites-attract slow-burn if they'd continued it into the later seasons. Instead, they decided that that was just too interesting. Which is how we ended up with: A) ultra-conservative-no-real-personality Topanga, B) annoying Cory who whines about his girlfriend not having sex with him so much you wish he'd lose the ability to have it at all, and C) an extremely boring relationship that reads more as heteronormative America's wet dream than, y'know, 2 people with actual romantic chemistry.

One thing I do think is interesting, though, (while still on the note of C0rpanga being better as opposites rather than love-at-first-sight) is the idea of Shawn assuming the role of Topanga as Cory's narrative foil. S1 Topanga came from an unconventional background, opposed Cory's standard middle-class lifestyle, etc. S1 Shawn, on the other hand, was middle class like Cory (albeit a little bit poorer) and held most of the same viewpoints that he did. But in the later seasons, Shawn became the one to serve as Cory's antithesis (poor/ considered trailer trash, somewhat "unorthodox" interests—such as poetry and photography, and generally holding different perspectives to things in life than he did)—all the while, Topanga became increasingly more normal and more conservative, until she didn't oppose Cory in any meaningful way anymore. (Which is also why I think s1 is Shory's weakest season, because while they're great there, I do still prefer the later seasons' dynamic).

Anyway, I have a few more thoughts. But this is disjointed enough already, so I'll just leave it on that for now. If anyone has anything else to add, please feel free to do! I am dying out here.

[gotskamstuff]

Season 4 pt.1 debuting with over 15.5 million views in the first 3 days and pt. 2 debuting with close to HALF the views in the same amount of days is bringing me too much satisfaction, sorry not sorry.

I truly feel sorry for the rest of the cast and people who work on the show, but I’m glad to see the fandom response reflecting into the views ‘cause I feel like sometimes shows, especially with this amount of success and popularity, take for granted the viewers affection and think they can feed us any crap without consequences and we’re gonna eat it up with no problem, like we’re gonna stay here no matter what ‘cause we’re addicted to it…doesn’t work like that, you gotta keep your audience by giving them something good.

Each show loses viewers from pt.1 to pt.2 in the debut and it’s known, but basically half of it is a lot (also considering how pt. 1 stayed at n.1 in the top 10 for over 2 weeks, but only 1 week later pt. 2 has already dropped at n.3 with lowering compared to pt.1 who stayed consistent)

Considering that Outer Banks had always counted on a young and loyal fanbase GLOBALLY that’s ready to hit play the instant the season drops, 8.5 million views globally in 3 days is really a strong message to them.

Whether you’re personally ok or not with the way S4 ended, it’s a fact that they screwed up with a huge chunk of their own audience that kept the popularity of the show alive and if they managed to lose this amount of engagement and excitement towards the series in 3 days then good luck to them to keep the interest alive UNTIL 2026.

I think they downplayed and probably still downplay the role of JJ in terms of engagement, S4 already lost numbers compared to S3 (after they probably lost occasional viewers over the bore s3 was) and I can’t even imagine the drop that S5 will be.

They screwed up big time and no matter how much they try to do damage control now, no matter how much they wait for the audience to calm down, no matter how much they try to ignore it…they lost a good part of their own fanbase and probably occasional audience as well.

IF the waters are ever gonna calm down it surely won’t be ‘cause the problem is solved and people got over it, but simply because people won’t be there at all and will have lost their involvement with the show altogether.

Maybe the Pates will learn for their next project to treat the set like an actual workplace and not a college dorm. Play stupid games and win stupid prizes.

I mean it with my whole chest when I say that without JJ I’m never gonna watch S5, and I have been close to an addicted fan of this show for almost 5 years, but the story died with him. They took away the character that was the symbol of this show and who’s story we were rooting for the most, and although yes, there is also other things to the story…the interests in all the rest doesn’t quite measure up with the loss. I know that many people feel the same way (and if you reading this personally don’t, good for you but I think the general response speaks for itself).

They doomed the show by killing the fan favorite, killing the largest ship fandom of the show and by ruining the storyline that created the most engagement and curiosity that had us rooting for it.

They took for granted the fanbase that made the show what it is today and blindly spitted on us thinking we’d be passive about it. The fans make or break a show.

Bring back JJ and you have the opportunity to make the GAG of the century and get the biggest positive response from your own audience to end the show…don’t and see the show collapse and lose it’s reputation and legacy for good. Simple as that🤷🏻‍♀️

I will never shut up about it ‘cause this is the biggest fumble of a Netflix series I have ever witnessed and the biggest let down I have ever experienced with a show (yeah worse than Game of thrones final season).

[alexanderwales]

I finished the rest of Save the Cat almost in a single sitting, not because it was particularly riveting, but because I had time to kill, so this pseudo-liveblog is at an end.

Chapter 6 and 7 are basically the same, collections of small tricks and tips. Neither of them are terribly helpful, and all the tricks have terrible shorthand names like "Pope in a Pool". There's very little in the way of any thematic cohesion to these bits of advice, and no grand theory of the Laws of Storytelling emerges, in spite of the laws being invoked a number of times.

The advice itself is, I think, generally good:

give the reader something to root for early on to kickstart investment

spice up exposition with something entertaining

only one kind of magic per plot

don't tell a story that requires too much setup

don't tell a story with too many moving parts

include a ticking clock

have character arcs

keep the scope limited to the characters we care about

make the hero proactive

show, don't tell

make the bad guy very bad

the plot should go faster the further in it goes

use the whole spectrum of emotion

make sure each character has a distinct voice

make sure desires are "primal"

give characters something that makes them stand out

I don't endorse this whole list, and I especially don't endorse the way that Blake Snyder talks about them or the examples that he gives. And if I endorsed the list, then I would include a lot of caveats, and some general principles of storytelling that should be followed, rather than these specific pieces of advice, which are all conditional. Like ... okay, here's an example:

Exposition is a broccoli that the audience doesn't want to eat. There are very different ways of dealing with this, but we can start with "minimize exposition" as the first "law" of storytelling, and from there, we have different strategies:

Spruce up the exposition, making it into a mini-story, delivered in an entertaining way, so that people aren't bored.

Run something alongside the exposition so that people aren't bored, like sight gags in a comedy or an action scene in a thriller.

Have the exposition delivered through implication and clues, rather than stated outright, like having a character limp rather than explaining to the audience that they were wounded in the war. This is show, don't tell, and it's harder than it seems.

But while Snyder lays out some of this advice, it's all in different sections even though it's dealing with the same fundamental problem, and I'm not sure that he really understands that. If he does understand it, then he's not making that clear for the reader.

My thesis is that to understand storytelling, you want to understand root issues and classes of solutions. I have not written a book on writing, nor do I think there's a market for that, nor do I think I'm qualified, but it's the kind of thing that I would strive to deliver. There are a lot of writing problems that are parallel to each other, and there are a lot of structural elements that are mirrors of each other, so why not try to put it all together that way?

But Snyder makes basically no attempt to put even very related problems together, it's just little bits of advice to gnaw at the most common problems, and ... maybe that's fine, but it felt lazy to me.

Chapter 8 was the final chapter, and was mostly about trying to sell screenplays. This was irrelevant to me, but kind of interesting, and also made me feel like Blake Snyder is a better marketer and salesman than a screenwriter, and also maybe just got lucky to be working at a time when scripts were getting huge bidding wars for no good reason. The efficient market hypothesis gets clowned on again, I guess.

I'll probably write up some overall thoughts, a short review: I think I am unsuited to liveblogging because I go long. But the even shorter version is that I think I picked up a few things that were interesting to think about, and while Blake Snyder is a hack, he's an entertaining writer.