#i feel kinda evil saying this bc of where the fics been going so far but every time m2 interact (even indirectly!!) its fcking exhilarating

[boarloved-art]

the mdzs british gameshow au resides in my heart so firmly recently, its so dire, so heres some throwaway headcanons i have abt it bc i fear i shall go insane 😌😌😌 under the cut bc im insane and rambled far too much 😆😆😆

-jgy is still evil purely bc its Hilarious. everythings a normal Modern British Au Where Most Of Them Work In Daytime Television but jgys still evil? flawless. but only kinda evil! his whole "i have been overlooked my entire life bc of my low status and now i long for the ability to prove every1 wrong" thing still stands. except instead of murdering people and condoning experimentation on live humans, its now just ruining peoples careers so he can get a promotion. loser.

- 3zun messy love triangle REAL TO ME! walk with me as i describe the following. jgy starts his working life as an assistant for the nie's Sunshot Campaign band, him and mingjue get kinda close theres some homoerotic tension that never gets worked out, mingjue then starts dating xichen. nielan break up for unknown reasons, then jgy swoops in and starts dating xichen. theyre engaged now, wow theyre so in love shoutout xiyao. except. nmj and lxc still very in love, everyone seems aware of this Except NieLan themselves. all of them have feelings for eachother, None of them are normal about it.

- Huaisang has been live tweeting this entire 3zun saga to his mutuals. hes based a fanfic on it. wangji has tried to subliminally message xichen about the concept of polyamory (aka watching documentaries while xichens home), in the hopes that maybe just maybe they'll realise that theres a very real answer to all of them liking eachother, except its just resulting in xichen thinking that wangjis polyamorous. wangji withers a little bit when hes hit with the "if this is who u are thats okay you can tell me <3" talk from xichen. the brotherly equivalent of how he felt in canon about "so you like mianmian, right?!"

- huaisangs a real renaissance man, noone knows what he Does. it seems to be everything and nothing at all. hes an art student (maybe? whos to say? mingjue called his uni to ask about him and they said they didnt have a student called nie huaisang.), hes the Sunshot social media manager (definitely. they didnt even Have social media before him which is Insane), sometimes he does their album art, wuxian Thinks huaisang works at a B&Q ? once again , hes Seen huaisang in the uniform & working at a till but any questions to the actual shop turn up stares of confusion and "we dont have an employee called huaisang..?", huaisang may or may not be the owner of the popbase twitter account, he writes fanfic but refuses to divulge what fandom its for. the only detail anyone knows is that it's one of the most bookmarked fics in his fandom. huaisang has so many random connections and skills that wuxian genuinely thinks that Maybe hes an immortal but most of the skills are So specific and Mostly Useless that he Doesnt Want to believe it.

- jiang yanli and jin zixuan ALIVE, raising their BEAUTIFUL SON JIN LING, with the help of his MANY UNCLES! wuxian and jiang cheng, upon learning that not only is their sisters boyfriend rich, but his Brothers Engaged To The Host Of The Chase, are horrified to think that they might be Nepotism Chase Contestants. jin zixuan doesnt know what being a Nepotism Chase Contestant would even imply but they bring it up so often that hes considered a handwritten apology because they seem genuinely distressed (they arent. theyre fucking with him. but he doesnt need to know that.)

-the jiang family are Baffling in family photos. madame yu is very elegant and cool, fengmian has clearly had his outfit selected by madame yu, jiang yanli is v soft and pretty, wei wuxian is an emo, and jiang cheng is a bloke who goes around in footie tshirts 99% of the time. you can tell when yu ziyuan has styled them because wuxians hair is lacking any volume, completely flat and slicked, and in a LOW pony so you cant see it in photos, and both boys are stood there in shirts and trousers like theyre off to a wedding. wuxians biggest relief about being disowned was that he'll never suffer hairgel again.

- the wens have been living with their grandma, an uncle, a Nebulous Baby Relative and a wei wuxian. wuxian latches onto them so fast. as is par for the course with wuxian & the wens. he loves that baby. a-yuan starts calling him dad one day and noone can tell him no, so now he just kinda Is. ayuan sucks up Wuxians Little Shit Energy far too easily and now hes Factually The Funniest Kid In The World. he calls wuxian broke once and wuxians entire brain rebooted a bit. my real life nephew did this to me multiple times.

- ayuan luuuuurves game shows and quizzes, wen qing & wuxian working on one Fixes this child. hes enamoured. he needs to watch his daily Chase-Pointless-Catchphrase-Tipping Point rotation or he cant sleep.

- wangxian are EMBARRASSING!!!! anytime they see eachother its Unstoppable Force (wuxian trying to hint that hes bisexual and single) vs Immovable Object (wangji being CERTAIN that wuxian has no interest in him). wangjis a PATHETIC little man for this northern emo, he hides it well and keeps up his Sensible & Emotionless thing, but his thoughts are like a sopping wet kitten. he thinks hes handling this crush sooooo normally and then wuxian posts a selfie on instagram and wangjis opening google to search Wedding Ring Shops Near Me as if thats a proportionate response to a selfie. wuxian isnt any better. wangji likes his instagram story and wuxian cheers out loud, to which the only response is a loud sigh from wen qings room.

- for wuxians first episode of pointless, he does a celebrity episode so he can pick all his faves and have them bring whoever they want along with them. he was not expecting lan wangji but oh god is he thankful for xichen in this moment. the second he sees wangji also at xichens podium, he decides that xichen is now his second- sorry, third- sorry fourth favourite person. A-yuan, Yanli & Wangji are joint first. when hes chatting with the contestants about their lives, an OBSCENE amount of his time talking with wangji is poorly disguised flirting. twitter tears him to SHREDS for how desperate he clearly is. huaisang is also here but hes not mingjues teammate, hes a random radio hosts teammate. another enigma for wuxian to add to his huaisang conspiracy board.

- wuxian has a rotating cast of cohosts on pointless until wangji applies for the job, at which point wuxian becomes sure that god is real and that wuxian is gods favourite. much like every other time theyve been near eachother, their first episode together is mostly poorly disguised flirting and soppy eye contact. huaisang has now based a fanfic off this.

-Sunshot Campaign 5 album is never happening and wuxian needs to move on but he CANT! he craves that album. he doesnt CARE if mingjue is a top gear host or something now! he doesnt CARE about mingjues self help book, or his home renovation show! If he wanted to stan someone with side hustles, he'd stan huaisang, damnit! he abuses his Huaisangs Best Friend privileges to ask when an albums on its way and everytime he is told "im pretty sure da-ge sold his drumset 5 years ago ngl"

[trippin-over-my-fandoms]

So since I predicted that Sloane and Luther would get together from the day she was announced as well as a couple of scenes- I feel obligated to share w y'all my batshit crazy idea of what I thought might happen in season 4 and like now that we have TWO trailers why I think it might happen. In other words-

Me being delulu about tua s4 and y'all gotta deal w it

So my initial thought was that in this new timeline they are themselves slotted into lives they don't initially remember, that the longer they dwell in the timeline the more they remember and some come to accept. Up until the inevitable happens and the world is at risk again for whatever reason. However, saving the world means giving up these perfect lives for accepting their shitty dysfunctional reality to save each other. Because the more they stay and accept the more they lose of previous timelines.

I was gonna write a fanfic but then my resident evil obsession started and if y'all have read any of my fanfic y'all know my history with long-fics.

Why do I now think this could actually be the case you ask?

At the end of season 3 Luther takes off after our girl Sloane with Klaus following but everyone else is just so calm. Soooo which leads us to

Trailer 1

Viktor might own or work in a bar. Which the fact that he seems to be somewhat settled for sure tells us that some time has possibly passed between season 3 and 4

The sign says "home for wayward boys" implying that Allison may not have been in the group and maybe neither Viktor before the transition. I'm also wondering if now that his wife is back maybe in this new timeline they both fostered/adopted our main characters.

Oh yeah did I mention Reginald's moon wife is alive? His whole thing with the children was his alien (literally) way to save her. Now she's alive.

Allison is with claire so she also possibly has her life back.

Ben is getting out of jail and like it could be a "time has passed between seasons" thing or something happens in one of the episodes where he winds up locked up.

Diego is at a kid's party and either has his own kid or a niece or something. it's not claire and the family behind him is not his umbrella fam.

MY BOY IS SO SMALL ITS GONNA BE SO WEIRD SEEING HIM "NORMAL" THIS SEASON also he looks kinda sad. trailer two debunks what I initially thought of his reveal in this trailer because I thought oh haha what if it's a Halloween costume but like we'll get to my season 2 crazies hang in there.

Klaus is upside down in an interior (proven by the radiator) so he is either stuck, meditating, in a trance, or it's Sloane holding him there. I also kinda wonder if he's going through a clean streak or something OCD like with his addictions from the whole blue gloves thing. tbh i saw those in the promo and thought it was blue screen and his hands were gonna be effed up lol.

ben shouts "lets go kill this bitch" and allison corrects "this is a rescue mission" sooooooo is reginal and or his wife the bitch in question? and like sloane is the only one missing from our group so maybe she's the one being rescued? or maybe one of the new characters (like gene and jean).

which brings me to a theory I'll get to after my trailer break down and before the second breakdown.

side bar but the xmen stile jet is great lol

the subway is 100% a metaphor for the timelines AND that house diego and luther are at is the one from season two where they see reggie and grace at that party

the mind thingies in the blue room are so fucked up and i cant tell if thats sloane or wife hargreeves or a grace return in the bg but im wondering if it connects them to other timelines? Im wondering if the woman is sloane bc abigail has such curly hair but it does remind me of grace so idk.

upside down umbrella is insane okay

starting to think the jet might be flashbacks

A SPACE SUIT HAND REACHES INTO A RED FORCE SOMETHING FOR ANOTHER HAND AND SLOANE MAYBE????

fuck organization if you have read this far welcome to my brain- anyway- theory is that her place got swapped for abigail hargreeves' on the moon and now our beloved moon boy has to save her from that place. so symbolic.

now i was half put down a few shots later when we see victor emit a similar color power later but trailer 2 kinda backs some stuff up.

so trailer 2

opens with ben alone and confused and vicktor calls ben at the phone booth leading me to 100% believe they have split up again and have to find each other. very nostalgic of season 1 and 2

"there's something happening to you and it's only gonna get worse" so this is either about just ben OR its about all of them. either way ben did look confused so his eldritch horrors are either hulking out or he's losing memory chunks like my theory suggests. but it might revolve around ben bc vicktor specifically says "you" in the next time about the world ending.

(wondering if luther nervous farted in the car lmao)

Gene and Jean are possibly conspiracy theorists or agents posing as them but its interesting they are bringing attention to the altered timelines.

okay yeah world ending revolves around ben im tired okay and not proofing this you're stuck with my ramblings

the white violin is for sure abi hargreeves no doubt it doesn't look like sloane and plus the violin viktor got was bc reggie gave it to him that he got from his wife before she died okay. fanfic rn where viktor is the chosen child fanfic rn where abi loves all the kids fanfic rn where shes alive but shes just as much of a dick and we could have an epic trans story for viktor and expectations and yeah anyway-

whoever said it was jenny in trailer two i wanna kiss u on the lips ur prolly right and i love you for it

"ben died because we failed as a team" "and-" "and what" FOLLOWED BY LUTHERS CONFUSED FACE LEADS ME TO ONE OF TWO THINGS AND YOU ALREADY KNOW ONE OF THEM memory loss my beloved or something shocking occurs to him or like he seems something idk

more blue room stuff and uh maybe its not mind stuff maybe its power stimulation like what if they dont have their powers but ben does idk.

who TF is klaus digging up

OH GUYS NO I THINK LUTHER IS A MALE DANCER THATS WHAT THE SPACE SUIT IS IDK WTF IS THIS SHOW I LOVE IT

anyway they keep showing that one scene and like idk im delulu about sloane im so tired and i am not ready for this show to end in 8 days im sobbing y'all

[popstart]

hi can we get your heathney thoughts and hc </3 ur ppp fic was so good i read it all in one day i love the dynamic u gave them

talking about ppp in the past tense is kind of killing meee(i want to work on it again idk whats up i just have writers block infinity and health problems + phys disability flareups. blehhh) anyways once i get to it again is when its gonna get good. rn its just setup for setup BUT IM GLAD YOU LIKE IT SO FAR! yay ^_^! truthfully i see way too much wrong with it and want to fix a lot and thats part of why i havent touched it in like. um 7 months🤐. lemme retcon some things and fix the pacing and itll be GOOODDDD...

heathney is literally just whatever i feel like forcing onto them at the moment because when i was writing hcag and ppp there was like... 3 fics for them HELP😭 and i had a different idea in my head than the ones i half-read. i havent really touched ao3 in the same last 7 months so im not sure if its different now but bc it was bleak for a while i kinda just made stuff up and hoped it stuck with people (which apparently it did. im glad people like my work :3)

my thinking about them started when i was writing/drafting heartaches (im still writing for it too. auahghh🫠) it was all spawned by a random train of thought that i wish world tour was less focused on alejandro and more on the dynamic that could have formed around heather and courtney PURELY because of that 1 second scene where heather was comforting courtney. thats literally it that entire fic was spawned by two seconds and some anons egging me on bc it was an idea other people were interested in. I wanted to delve into the thought process of heather behind that. like how genuine was that scene to heather and how impactful was it to courtney. basically I just thought the idea of heather taking advantage of courtney when she was so volatile and emotionally clingy sounded evil and fun. i literally just didnt like that courtney got so into alejandro bc i hate that man so much so i swapped some things around and got hcag

sorry for being the ultimate tangent master im finally getting back to ppp heathney. anyways. Having been writing the sort of dynamic of heather and courtney being weird teammates that are only using eachother but also in it for their own emotional clingyness reminded me of my FAVORITE SHOW EEVRRR lps populaarr🙈🙈🙈🙈 and also aus of that show i love so i stole the concept. in my mind they became childhood besties for the resties until they got separated then hated eachother when they met up years later. With the way i was writing heather in hcag i was thinking soooo hard about how fucked up courtney couldve been if she had an influence like heather as a kid. this is also going back to my time in the amphibia fandom oops i hella stole everything for that fic and tweaked some things.

I dont think ppp is the heathney dynamic of all time because its literally shit i made up and stole and inserted into a really self indulgent fic, BUT it is a dynamic i love for them in the setting of the au its in. heather being so so so controlling to courtney as kids and courtney having no friends to base this behavior off of thinking its normal. aughh... they have opposite levels of social skills which makes their communication shit which entertains me. Heather knows what she wants from people and knows how to get it, and she doesnt notice (or care) how harmful she can be. Courtney doesnt know how to talk to people very well and has a very twisted grasp of what people think about her, in her eyes being the most well liked person on the planet and throwing a tissy fit every time thats challenged. im gonna say it 20 times but it just grasps me way too hard and it gets my brain thinking forever and ever about them. courtney as is very much a "i want what i want and ill get it" kind of person but in ppp heather is so good at manipulating her that the kinds of personality traits she shows in canon are very much suppressed (whether that was on accident or on purpose from heather is technically spoilers? for ppp i guess). theyre still there but hidden from years of being friends with heather as a child. LOL BASICALLY. i hope its obvious but despite their deep friendship as a child and how much love (and rose tinted glasses) they had for eachother and the past, that shit was NOT HEALTHY!!!! AT ALL!

so heather is really good at manipulating and courtney was the one that ended up on the brunt of it all. not surprising, we all know what heather is like, but COURTNEY.. ohh im so sorry about what i do to her im constantly fucking her up because i just love to see how she reacts to it. she is so reactive and emotional and i love it. i love seeing such an intelligent and confident woman be so weak to her own damn self UGH it kills me inside but i cant look away i need to mess her up constantly. Courtney in ppp has such an interesting perspective to write because i can insert some random ass idea into her head and play it off because she is emotionally STUPID! you can truly make her think anything thats at an extremely juvenile level of emotional awareness/understanding and you'll be able to play it off because she has way too much confidence in herself while knowing very little outside of academics and very clear-cut rule oriented things. the way it plays into her thoughts about heather too.. oohhhh. evil evil stuff.. she knows heather is considered a bad person and she also sees herself as being better than everyone in every way so she cant mentally stoop down to heathers level of brutality, meanwhile because of the way she sees herself shes constantly thinking bad of others and people see them very similarly. Courtney doesnt realize it but she is on a veryy similar playing field to heather in terms of how people see them. it would be gutting if she ever realized but her brain does Not let her see it that way. i just love courtney corruption arc ok orz. i need heather to play into it so damn bad. it grabs me so hard.

anyways this is quite messy and very spur of the moment but these are basically my thoughts on them. i want them to make eachother worse but in the most fucked up way imaginable. i want them to have the most deep and complicated history ever

[atlabeth]

hold onto me (im a little unsteady) - sokka x reader

i was listening to the song when i came up w this so feel free to listen to that if you want

summary: a late night with sokka reminds you that even on the worst days, you always have someone in your corner.

a/n: lmao this is 100% self indulgent i have no excuses. my parents are getting divorced and almost every time they're together they argue and so this is just a comfort fic after it happened again tonight bc GD i wish i had a sokka. this one goes out to all my divorce babies or people with parents that never stop arguing. you are very loved<3

wc: 1.7k, this got away from me lol

warning(s): mentions of parents arguing n shit, like the tiniest mentions of implying sex and problems with consent (in general, not with them), but this is all fluff

hey. i know you’re probably asleep right now but could you come over?

It was far too late at night when you sent the text. A question asked on a whim, an offer that would most likely go ignored due to the boy on the other end being asleep.

But goddammit, you really didn’t care. Even if he didn’t respond, just hitting ‘send’ made you feel slightly better. You had already taken refuge in one of the sweatshirts he had left at your house (read: one that you had stolen and refused to give back) and as your eyes fell on the glow of the digital clock on your bedside table, you were once again reminded of how stupid this was.

But you heard the telltale buzz of a notification and all but lunged for your phone, an uncontrollable smile tugging on your lips. You didn’t know why you ever doubted him.

sokka💙: you know i never sleep babe

sokka💙: a curse of my genius

sokka💙: im omw

you’re the best thank you love<3

A pair of fuzzy socks and a refilled water bottle later, you heard the sound of something hitting your window. Though you tensed up at first, a roll of your eyes was all it took before you remembered just who you had invited over. Another smile took over as you pushed yourself off of your bed, pushing the curtains aside in time to see another pebble hit the pane.

A physical effort took place to stifle the laugh as you pushed your window up, and you leaned against the sill on your elbows to get a better look at your ridiculous boyfriend.

“Throwing rocks at my window? I think I’m stuck in a bad romcom.”

He grinned and let the remaining pebbles fall to the ground. “It’s what’s to be expected from your Prince Charming, right? Besides, I’m assuming that your parents wouldn’t just let me walk through the front door at this hour.”

You felt the heat rise to your cheeks. Just the sight of Sokka was always enough to make you feel better, and tonight was no exception. The vice on your heart was already starting to loosen. “Right as usual. Think you’ll catch me if I jump?”

He laughed and made a show of looking up and down the distance and then at his arms. “I’d like to say so, but I think we’d have better luck if I climb up.”

“You sure you can do that, big guy?” you asked with a teasing grin. He rolled his eyes with the same sentiment.

“Of course I can. I just thank nature that there’s a tree so close to your window. It’s saved me from a lot of embarrassing falls.”

You chuckled and backed away from the window, the slight chill from the night air beginning to get to you. “I’ll leave you to it while I get things ready.”

Truth be told, your room was a total mess at the moment. You knew Sokka wouldn’t care, especially not now, but it put you slightly more at ease to have something in your life that you could control. You were in the middle of shoving some previously strewn-about clothes into your closet when you heard the click of your window closing. When you turned around, you were met with your boyfriend’s smiling face.

“You’re so pretty,” you murmured as you walked over to him. He wrapped his arms around your waist as you kissed him lightly on the lips, unable to stop the blossoming smile nor the warmth that the action gave you. “Thank you for being here.”

“Of course.” The softness of his words were in stark contrast to the joking bravado from only minutes earlier, and as you stepped away from his embrace and pushed yourself onto your bed, he joined you on the other side. “And not that I’m not happy to be here, but I just wanna know. What’s going on?”

You sighed, letting one leg hang off the bed as you tucked the other in. It was a testament to Sokka’s power how quickly he had gotten you to forget about the new mess of the night. “The usual showing of fuckall and fuckup. I’m more impressed by how they never run out of things to scream at each other about.”

Your bad joke didn’t get a laugh out of him, which you were secretly glad for. Instead, he snaked an arm around your back and tugged you closer, a contented sigh falling from your lips as you nestled your head into the space between his shoulder and his head. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “You know it’s not your fault, right?”

The phrase had gone in one ear and out the other more times than you could count from your parents, but each time Sokka said it, the words held a different weight. You knew it wasn’t your fault in the first place, but guilt didn’t care all that much for logic. You knew he meant it though, and once more the vice loosened.

“I know. But it still helps to hear it.” You glanced up at him, reaching a hand up to twist a loose strand of his hair around your finger. “You should wear your hair down more often,” you mused. “It makes you look like a prince.”

He chuckled, amusement glinting through his ocean eyes. “I did say I was your Prince Charming, didn’t I?”

You smiled, slowly uncurling his hair from your finger. “Yeah.”

“That means I’ll always be there for you. Especially to save my royal from their evil stepparents.”

Another laugh bubbled in your chest at that, and you leaned closer into him. “Thank you. The more I visit your place, the more I want your family to be mine. Hakoda is like, the nicest man I’ve ever met, and your mom? She actually makes me want to cry with how sweet she is. I think I know where you get it from.”

He grinned and bumped your leg with his own. “You know you’re welcome over there any time. But maybe you shouldn’t — I think my mom might actually adopt you with how much she loves you. That… that would be really weird.”

His joy was infectious as you planted another kiss on his cheek, something that earned you a, as you liked to call it, dazzling Signature Sokka Smile. “I’ll make sure she holds off on the adoption papers for now.”

“I’d like that.”

And though the happiness you felt at the moment was almost overwhelming, that was just what caused that tiny sliver of doubt to come in. When people invited their partners over at three in the morning, it usually wasn’t to sit on the bed and talk about their problems. It was… it was for more, and you didn’t want that right now. And because you were an expert at it, you decided to put your foot in your mouth and start talking.

“I— I’m sorry that I called you over here so late, for no reason. I know you probably expected something else than me ranting, but…” you sighed, drawing your knees closer to your chest as you brought your other hand to Sokka’s resting on your shoulder. “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong idea.”

He sighed at that, but you knew it wasn’t one of disappointment. “You know I’m here for you. I don’t care if you just want to sit in silence for the next five hours while we stare at the wall, or if you want to watch sappy rom coms until your eyes bleed. I’m more than okay with staying like this. I didn’t come over here because I expected anything from you — I came over here because you needed me, and so I’m here.” Sokka smiled, an image you didn’t think would ever stop making you melt, and intertwined your hand with his. “This is perfect. You’re perfect.”

You were so stunned at the brazen declaration that your voice got stuck in your throat for a moment, holding back tears. (Happy tears. They were never anything other than happy tears with Sokka.) It hit you then that you didn’t really know what it was like having someone get close to you without an ulterior motive.

“Thank you,” you murmured after a moment of comfortable silence. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You knew he was smiling, even without having to look up at him. You could hear it in his voice, feel it in the kiss he pressed to your hairline.

A comfortable silence hung in the air for a long time until you broke it. “You know… my dad kinda ran off to a motel for the night after this whole thing, and my mom leaves early in the morning. If you were serious about those rom coms…” You allowed the unsaid question of staying the night to fester so Sokka knew he could say no if he wanted to, but he didn’t even hesitate.

“Of course I was serious. I mean, I’ve gotta get the ideas for our future wedding from somewhere.”

You laughed, a sentiment that had occurred more times in the ten minutes he had been here than the past week, and picked the remote for your little box TV off of your bedside table. You clicked through various movies until you found one Sokka liked, and then you cuddled deeper into his side to prepare for the ride you had ahead of you.

Thirty minutes into 27 Dresses, he had fallen asleep, arm still around you and one of his legs slightly intertwined with one of your own. But it’s not like you minded — the familiar weight of Sokka in your bed had caused all your worries to melt away, if only for the night.

You didn’t expect him to last past the first movie, but you were sure you would at least get through until Katherine Heigl got the man. But there was an overwhelming feeling of safety permeating the air with Sokka’s arms around you, and you ended up knocked out before she could even get through all twenty seven dresses.

It wasn’t lost on you how fortunate you were — he didn’t expect anything like that from you, he just wanted you to be safe. He was there for you. You would never understand how you had gotten so lucky with your boyfriend, but you would never stop being grateful for him.

-

this is the most self indulgent thing ive ever written and i am NOT sorry

perm tags: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77

atla tags: @marianne1806 @brown-eyed-thang @akiris

[extravaguk]

santa&prada

part of my opposites attract! series. 

ksj / knj / myg / jhs / kth / jjk

pairing: rich!jimin x reader

summary: Yeah, Park Jimin most likely didn't even realize he was being a rude and disrespectful son of a bitch.

wordcount: 5k

genre: smut - angst(? - fluff (? idk u tell me

rated: m 

warnings: a christmas fic in late november, cursing, a huge misunderstanding lmao, i call jimin ‘park jimin’ too many times bc i felt like it, car sex, oral (f recieving), some good ole spanking, (kinda) rough and unprotected sex, a lil of dirty talk, spit kink. thats about it. just an excuse to write jimin fucking you in a car. jimin is not as bad as oc thinks srsly.

The first time you meet Park Jimin is through mutual friends. On a firday night on December, with white, red and green lights decorating the streets of New York, filled with the typical hustle of the masses doing last minute Christmas shopping, the freezing weather impacting your body temperature, cursing yourself for choosing tights, a skirt and heeled boots that are too pretty but too uncomfortable to wear.

You had never considered yourself a particular enthusiast of Christmas festivities. You guess discovering Santa Claus was, actually, your parents before the rest of the kids in your class was one of the many reasons that made you grow up too soon and therefore, not allowing you to fully enjoy the month of December. Or maybe it had nothing to do with Santa, and more to do with your parents deciding to get a divorce a day before Christmas Eve. A traumatic event for seven year old you, but completely forgotten and overcome by twenty-four year old present you.

Growing up each Christmas suffering the consecuences of a shared custody would have probably had a disastrous effect on anybody else, but not you. Although the separation was a tough reality to accept at first, fortunately your parents were always capable of raising you in an environment full of love and affection, just like any other kid. And you prided yourself on having moved on from those circumstances a long time ago (even if your therapist disagreed and blamed many of your behaviors on it. Whatever.)

To put it simply, December was just not the month for you. It was just another month, like the remaining eleven of the year, except Mariah Carey's voice was heard every five minutes everywhere you'd go and people gave each other presents as if it was only during that time of the year when they remembered their loved ones. 

The only thing you could thank Christmas for were the well deserved two weeks of holidays our work allowed until the new year's arrival. Fifteen days of rest, peace and baking those gingerbread cookies that Seokjin died for and that you sincerely denoted as nauseating.

You truly had no idea what exactly you did wrong that night. You don't know if it was something you said, or something you did, but what you did know was that Park Jimin pursued a silent and personal vendetta against you that continued nowadays.

"Here are your disgusting cookies, you filthy animal." it might have been that very first sentence you said when you entered the bar and reunited with your friends that didn't cause a good impression. "Shit, it's cold as fuck. My nipples are harder than my life." or maybe it was your selection of words while you waved every familiar face hello until you stopped to look at the only (pretty. too pretty, as well) one you had never seen before.

"_____, it's Chrismtas! Santa Clause will only bring you a lump of coal if you keep cursing like that!" Lisa laughed while she kissed your cheek and made space for you to sit next to her. "Oh, by the way, this is Jimin. A friend of Namjoon. He's a newbie!"

Park Jimin was stunning, you had no trouble admitting that. You weren't blind, you weren't stupid, and you could go as far as theorize that his dark eyes, his light and always immaculate styled hair, his sharp jawline and those plump lips as red as cherries must have been sculpted by Satan himself.

Fuck, you were even sure you'd be on your knees in front of Park Jimin in an alternative universe begging for his dick inside your mouth. But in the universe where you and the real Park Jimin reside, he would never come near you unless somebody was aiming a gun into his skull.

You're not precisely sure what it was, but a brief exchange of glances and an evasive and sligh shake of hands with Park Jimin was enough to make you feel ashamed and withdrawn for the rest of the night.

If Jimin wasn't even able to drop a polite "Nice to meet you", he sure as hell wasn't able to pretend you even existed.

Even the small talk you had tried to engaged with him about his shiny pair of shoes went terribly wrong.

"Oh, are those Dolce and Gabbana?"

"Dolce and Gabbana are homphobic, racist and sexist, so no" the grimace on his face should've been enough to make you regret speaking to him in the first place , but the snarky voice of his made you want to run away and hide from him until next Christmas.

In reality, you swore you didn't care. Seriously. Other's opinions were never something that could easily bother you or keep you awake at night. You had always turned a deaf ear to the cruel children that made fun of you due to your parent's divorce, you had always ignored the amount of men that never considered you "ladylike" enough (what the fuck did that even mean, anyway? what exactly made a lady and what didn't?), and you had always disregarded any envous comment surrounding you.

So, fuck Park Jimin! You had said to yourself. He's just a well mannered rich boy. Somebody who didn't resemble you in any aspect. A stupid, pretentious, spoiled boy who's had everything he's ever wanted in the palm of his hand, unlike you. Who the fuck cares what Park Jimin thinks? 

But apparently, you did. 

You would have never placed such importance to whatever it was that roamed inside Jimin's head if his appearances in your group of friends hadn't been so recurrent.

Because each time you were forced to see Jimin's face, you were also forced to experience a strange knot of discomfort and humilliation growing in your stomach in his mere presence. It's not like Jimin did anything specific to make you feel that way. He might not even do it on purpose, or his intentions might not be entirely evil. Maybe he simply didn't realize how he always avoided being by your side like the plague, or how his body immediately tensed and he balled his hands into fists everytime you were less than two feet away from him, or how he would look at you from the corner of his eye everytime you decided you speak, almost as if he was waiting for you to shut up to finally let out the air he was containing inside his lungs in relief.

Yeah, Park Jimin most likely didn't even realize he was being a rude and disrespectful son of a bitch.

And with time, you couldn't help but attribute that disdain and hostility that Park Jimin always directed at you to the many undeniable differences that constituted each of you. Park Jimin, with his impeccable and always well ironed Prada shirts, his spotless trousers, jewelry that probably costed more than three of your annual salaries, and always emanating that Givenchy fragance that screamed "wealth!" every rare occasion you could experiment his presence next to you. Exactly two years after that first meeting with Park Jimin, you hadn't been able to avoid reciprocating that feeling of contempt towards him. Not when you were the only victim of his arrogance. Everybody loved Park Jimin, and Park Jimin loved everyone. 

Except you.

Clinging to your glass of Don Pérignon and finishing the rest of the liquid in one go, you try to snap out of your own thoughts, reminding yourself to return to the conversation you're currently having with Taehyung about a pretty waitress that he's met during one of his art exhibitions (or at least that's what you think you caught him say) and forcing yourself by all means to stop observing the friendly and kind smiles that Park Jimin was shooting to those present from across the room and that you will never be able to achieve. 

"_____? Are you even listening to me, darling?" Taehyung's voice is what makes you finally look away from the dumb blond standing on the opposite side of the room, blinking a few times before clearing your throat. 

"Sorry, Tae." letting out a sigh, you try to brush back and put in place the strand of hair that escaped the intricate hairdo you had tried and so miserably failed to do yourself to try to fit in and hopefully impress such environment of preppy and privilaged people (ahem, Park Jimin)  falling on your forehead as best as you can. "Just been really stressed this week and I'm on another planet. You know how I feel about Christmas. I think I need a new flute of . Or five."

Taehyung sends you a look full of empathy and places one of his hands in your shoulder, squeezing lightly in a comforting way. "I'll get you another one. I'll be right back." You quickly interrupt him though, to prevent him from standing up before you.

"No, really. I'll go. I need some fresh air anyways, if you don't mind." And of course Taehyung doesn't mind, so you get on your feet as graceously as your tipsy state allowed you to (who told you it was a good idea to drink three glasses in less than thirty minutes of the extremely expensive champagne Taehyung had brought to the Christmas party he had organized and why did it convince you it would appease your anxiey?) and make your way towards the table where the rest of the bottles are. A table dangerously close to the conversation Jimin and that friend of Lisa (whose name you don't remember) were having.

Both are with their backs turned and, honestly, you take a silent moment to thank God or whatever is up there because the last thing you need right now is yet another awkward interaction with Jimin, so you try as best as you can to refill your glass of champagne to get out of there as soon as possible, praying to make your exit going unnoticed.

But no. Because the stars and the universe loved to align to make you suffer! They love to play with your karma and they love making you damn that one day you didn't help that lady cross the street. They love making you regret buying those plastic straws. They love making you feel guilty for hacking your neighbour's Wifi when you run out of money to pay for yours. Because the moment you try to take a hold of the bottle in your hands, it slips out of your grasp, and you're watching in slow motion how the sparkling berverage ends up spilling all over the extremely expensive (or so you assume. Balenciaga maybe) suit pants Park Jimin decided to wear that night.

Everything is kind of blurry and you can't even hear anything. You can only watch as Park Jimin turns around, lips parted and eyebrows furrowed, until his eyes find you, the bane of his existance and immediately recognizing the culprit of his now drenched piece of clothing. And you can watch as, once again, his gaze turns almost black and narrow lightly as to reprimend you for what you've caused. But of course he doesn't say a word. He has nothing to say. He doesn't even look surprised. No. Because obviously, Park Jimin knew that if there was somebody in this room willing to ruin his night, it would be you, and only you.

"Shit!" you're the first one to break the strained silence, but that only makes Jimin flinch. "Shit, shit, shit. I'm so fucking dumb! J-Jimin, I'm so sorry, let me just go grab a paper tow-"

"Don't." his voice cuts through you. Literally cuts through you. Because it's not often that Park Jimin decides to aim his words at you, but everytime he does it holds the same frigid tone. Like knives trying to painfully stab your being. "Just, don't."

In reality, you don't know a lot of things and you don't know what causes what happens next. You don't know if it's the specific time of the year, you don't know if it's your internal stress, or if it's Park Jimin, his voice, or the fact that he will never like you. But it's instant. They way something compresses your chest, and suddenly your eyes are not glaced by the alcohol but by something wet that threatens to flow. You would never admit to anyone they're tears.

So, shutting your mouth and swallowing the uncomfortable feeling of anguish in your throat, leaving your flute forgotten on the table and grabbing the bottle instead. Without saying a word, your feet start moving up the stairs of the ridiculously enourmous house Taehyung owns towards the first free and empty balcony you can find. Free of people and free of Park Jimin.

Closing the large window behind you, you allow yourself to close your eyes and take a deep breath; the icy temperature outside immediately welcoming you. Although the hairs on your arm stand up and you know you're probably going to catch a cold (because the dress you've chosen for the dinner is not at all appropiate for such winter climate), at least the tension in your body seems to disappear while oxygen keeps that ugly feeling in your heart at bay from continuing to choke you.

With shaky hands, you take a big gulp straight from the champagne bottle. Fuck Park Jimin. No man will ever have the power to make you feel what you're feeling right now.  Fuck Park Jimin. And fuck his beautiful face and his ability to make you tremble and fear looking like an idiot. Fuck his fancy clothes and his perfect manicured hands and his marvelous but frigthening presence. 

Knock knock.

The sound makes you jump back from the window, hand grasping your chest while you turn around, coming face to face with the man in question.  Your first instinct is to ignore him. But that thought is already out of the way when it's him the one who struggles with the window lock before opening and taking a step towards you. You step back as he steps in, raising your head up high and puffing your chest. Because your second instinct is to tell Park Jimin to go fuck himself.

"_____, I would like to-"

"You would like to what?" Jimin looks taken aback at your harshness. Alcohol has always been a weapon of mass destruction in your system, provoking words to flow too easily and without filter out of your mouth, more than they already do when you're sober. Especially when it's mixed with the frustration you've been harboring inside of you for two years. That's why when the words start to come out, they won't stop. "To make me feel like shit one more time? To look at me with that fucking conceited face trying to make me feel like you're better than me? Or would you like to ignore me once again as you always do everytime we're in the same fucking room to make sure I know you hate my mere existance, even if it's just the two of us right now?"

The steam leaving your lips due to the accelerated beat of your heart blurs his face for an instant while he looks at you dumbfounded. The silence and his expression makes you scoff, an acidic smile adorning your face while you take another sip of your drink because even with such a stupid face, he still looks delectable with his white shirt and ruined pants. You turn around, removing a tear that you hadn't even realized had fallen during your speech and that, frankly, you were hoping he hadn't either. You would blame it on the cold, anyway.

This time, a gust of wind running through you from head to toe, making you forget of Park Jimin's presence looming behind you, reminding you it's still December and the fabric of your dress is doing nothing to conceal you from the cold.

But before you can do anything about it and blame yourself for being dumb and not taking your coat with you before deciding to step into balcony, Park Jimin surprises you once again, this time by placing his navy blue blazer over the naked skin of your arms.

Your back straightens when you feel his warm breath caressing the back of your neck, at the same time that a voice you have never heard Park Jimin use with you echoes in your ears.

"I really don't hate you, _____. I..." Jimin wets his lips. His body trembles, but it's not due to lacking his own coat, while his brain hurriedly searches for words eloquent and adequate enough to explain voice his thoughts. "I like you very much, _____."

Scoffing again while you shake your head, you push down with all your inner strenght the incipent fluttering of butterflies in your stomach that Jimin has managed to cause in just a matter of seconds. It's probably the longest sentence you've heard from him in two years, and you don't exactly understand why your body is reacting the way it is. But you're also not willing to give Park Jimin the satisfaction of knowing that. He doesn't deserve it anyway. So with all the courage you can muster, you turn around with your hands clenching.

And even though being at such short distance from Jimin is a bit overwhelming and unexpected for you, the irritation still making your blood bubble is enough to not let a man as handsome as him derail you from your current circumstances.

"Well, fuck you Park Jimin. You certainly have a funny fucking way to sh-" his hands cradling your jaw that pull you closer to him and his lips that silent you roughly, but with surprising care. Only for a moment. A moment in which your body betrays you and make you melt into hir warmth. But his voice, low and sinfully husky, murmurs against your lips. 

"God, that mouth of yours..." he goes back to attacking your own lips, this time more firm than before, snatching a sigh from you. The sound has his tongue asking for permission into your mouth, and with your body betraying you once again, you part your lips to allow him in. It's him who whimpers this time, while one of his hand moving until it reaches the bottle in your hand and letting it drop carelessly onto the floor, ignoring the sound of glass shattering and the future scolding you'll get from Taehyung. Instead, he sneaks that same hand on your waist, pulling your body flush against his, fingers digging onto your skin. "It's been driving me crazy for two years. Two years, _____."

He mumbles between kisses and swipes his tongue against yours, while he stars walking the both of you until your back meets the nearest concrete wall. 

"Two years of having to hear the incessant filthy words that leave your mouth..." his own stop their movements and you catch yourself before begging him to reattaching his lips to yours, enjoying instead the path of wet kisses and bruises his lips traile from your chin to the pulse of your neck "...and trying my best to hide the painful boners I get whenever you're nearby." 

With your eyes shut, your hands are back in motion, ignoring the voice in your head reminding you he's still an asshole and finding their way between Jimin's soft golden strands of hair. He hums in appreciation, sending goosebumps all over your body. "So, s-so why not do anything about it sooner?" you say, suddenly finding it difficult to breathe properly.

You feel Jimin's body tensing before you and he ceases the movement of his lips against your neck. Breaking away, your heart stops, afraid you might have ruined the moment. But Jimin's in search of your eyes, eyebrows very lighlty raised, the intensity of his gaze pinning you in place. You don't know for how long you stare at each other until Jimin comes out of the trance, eyes descending over your flushed cheeks, the very same color as your lips and the soft flesh of your neck until they reach your cleavage, the glimmering fabric encasing your breasts, taunting him the same way they had been doing all night long.

"You scare me so much..." and then, one of his hands repeats the same journey his eyes just did, until he touches your shoulder, right under his own blazer. "Everytime I look at you, all I can think of why the hell a girl as real as you like you would even glance my way." he slides the strap of your dress slowly tentatively, just enough for you to stop his advances if you chose so. You don't. "You're smart in ways I could never compare, so funny it makes me jealous, and so pretty it leaves me speechless. You're...You're everything I'm not."

His voice resonates in the atmosphere, and you would love to blame it on the cold again for how your body has reacted, but your body heat has increased so much since he started kissing you that it would be stupid not to admit that it's just the effect that Park Jimin has on you tonight. You're sure he would've had the same effect if it had happened before.

Your now uncovered breast doesn't even has to suffer the consequences of the icy wind, because one of Jimin's arms quickly comes around you to hold your body against his, lifting you ever so slighty until your erect nipple is at the same level as his mouth and his lips are enveloping it in their warmth. You gasp his name, and that encourages his teeth to tug softly before his tongue stars moving in circes. 

"My God, you're so perfect." Your head spins while you hold onto his shoulders as tight as you can, the undeniable heat roaming all over your form, hips involuntarily rutting his incipent erection poking your abdomen. "Been thinking about this since that night we first met." Looking for relief, Jimin mirrors your movements without ceasing the administrations on your chest, as one of his hands lifts one of your thighs to wrap around his waist, closing the short gap remaining between the both of you. 

"Ohmygod! F-fuck, Jimin," trying to form coherent phrases is almost impossible, not with Jimin finding a slow and tortuous rythm with his hips, his clothed cock rubbing against your core. Something shifts in the air, because Jimin stops abusing your nipple with a loud pop, and shuts you up by pressing his mouth onto yours in an urgent, dirty and desperate kiss. You could almost hear him swearing, while his hand keeps your jaw in place.

"S-stop talking like that, ______." his voice, inaudible, and his face now hiding in the crook of your neck, the thrusting of his hips speeding up, more and more frantic this time. The hand not holding your thigh against his hipbone reveals your other breast, hand covering it and giving it a light squeeze before tugging at your unattended nipple between his forefinger and his thumb while his tongue and teeth mark the skin on your neck. 

"Hell, I've been dying to stuff your mouth with my cock to prevent you from such foul language," the soft whimpers leacving your mouth coax him into taking the hem of your dress and bunching the fabric until his fingers easily find the place in your body calling to him the most through the lace.  It's immediate, how his fingers dampen at the first touch, surprising the both of you, and how your body jolts and an embarrassing sob escapes your throat. "How-how are you this wet? Holy hell, I could just slide right in..."

And as he says that, one of his fingers pull aside the fabric of your underwear and glide into you, so easy. You insides burning while he fingers you, another finger being added with his thumb rubbing circles on your nub. And fuck, you're not sure if you're just too horny and Park Jimin is a magician with his hands, or maybe it's the way he keeps mouthing at your chest and whispering how soaked you are, but you don't think you've ever been so close to cumming in such a short period of time.

"W-whats stopping you?" you manage with a voice that doesn't even resembles yours, but before your hands can even make work of the zipper of his trousers, he pulls his finger out from your center, causing you to whine in protest.

Jimin licks his lips, eyebrows framing the dark expression that his eyes ooze. Although the desire in his eyes is more than evident, it is also evident the faint hesitation in them. Because Park Jimin doesn't do things this way. Park Jimin was raised in a world of correct manners and conservationism. A world that has taught him when and how to act. And as badly as he is dying to fuck you against the wall of Taehyung's ridiculously inmense house, he also wants to do the right thing. 

"Let me take you on a date." 

Park Jimin has been spoiled his whole life. Being born in a well-off family has always provided him of everything he had ever wanted and more. From the innecessary number of toys Santa Claus left under his Christmas tree every year since he was a baby, to his fisrt extravagant sports car at the age of eighteen. Park Jimin has never been a greedy or needy man. How could he, when he's had everything he's ever wished in the palm of his hands. He has never missed anything in his entire life. Hasn't missed a roof over his head, warm food on his plate or brand new designers clothes each week. 

It has taken him two years to control himself. He still remembers that night he first met you, just like he remembers every single time you both had coincided in the same place at the same time. He remembered your scent, had memorized your figure over your pieces of clothing and had tried as best as he could to keep a distance from you because he knew you would never give him the time of day. How could you? You probably despised everything he was because he was definitely nothing like you, and that thought intimidated the fuck out of him. He was a mess everytime you wear nearby. Never relied on his voice because he knew he would stutter if you ever spoke to him, could never trust his eyes because if he ever looked at you he was afraid he wouldn't be able to look away. 

And everytime you spoke, shit, that voice of yours always cursing here and there left him wondering how would you sound in a different setting and if you would still be that badmouthed. More specifically, between his sheets. So he did everything he could to minimize your interactions as much as possible. He just never thought he would come across as such a jerk. It was never his intention to hurt you, and seeing you cry that night (although you denied you did, over and over again) seriously made him realize he wanted to make things right. 

He was trying really, really hard to keep it in his pants, to be the same well composed and controled Park Jimin he had mastered himself to be. 

But that damn dress.

After seeing that little black dress hugging your figure when you started taking off your coat at the restaurant, the brief flash of thigh tights that you accidentaly (or not so accidentally) had blessed him with by crossing a leg over the other, that exposed collarbone calling his name and those heeled sandals with straps wrapping around your ankles, reminding him of the snake tempting Eve, Park Jimin was sure he needed to dig into that apple more than anything he has ever needed before.

That's why he surprises you right after you both finish the second course meal by telling the waitress you won't be having desert, at which you look at him somewhat indignant. But the look he shoots you is enough to make you understand if somebody was going to have desert tonight, it would be him. In his Mercedes. 

"I'm gonna-" you gasp, fingers tugging at the soft strands of his now ruined blond hair, his head between your thighs and your legs thrown over his shoulders. His hands have a grip of the meaty flesh of your ass, holding you firmly againt his mouth as it works wonders on your clit. You're sure it hasn't even been ten minutes since Jimin had opened your legs in the backseat of his car, not even bothering to take your underwear off, simply moving the fabric aside before diving in, and you already feel yourself on the edge of an orgasm.

"I know." voice vibrating right into your core, he slows down his administrations, tongue carefully and delicately lapping at your folds while he enjoys the feeling of your fingers loosening their grip and fondly brushing his hair back. You meet his eyes as he pushes a finger inside your core and your whole body twists in agony. 

"N-no!" 

Jimin stops immediately, lifting his head and focusing his concerned eyes on you. He's about to ask you if he's done anything wrong, but you're fast to roughly pull him up by his hair until his face is leveled with yours. You answer him by kissing him and he returns the kiss with the same eagerness, and now it's your hands that are looking for his cock, palming him through his pants.

"Your dick. Inside. Right Now." you punctuate each phrase with a kiss and he only stops kissing you to pout.

"But I wanted you to cum on my tongue." but still, he's putty in your hands when you undo the botton and the zipper. "Wouldn't you rather me fucking you in my bed, where we're more comfortable?" you notice the slight quivering of his voice when you slide his trousers and boxers down, just enough to pull him out. 

"You can eat me and fuck me as many times as you want tonight, tomorrow and whenever you'd like, but right now..." none of you contain the moan in unision that leaves each of your mouths when just the head of his lenght comes in contact with your entrance. "I really can't wait anymore." brushing your lips over his, you lower your voice. "Wanna get on my hands and knees for you."

Park Jimin has tried to do things the right and appropiate way throughout all his life. He's been a professional from a very young age on how to be in charge of his emotions, his desires and his impulses. Always well mannered and well composed. 

But it's in this moment that Jimin comes to the realization that the only thing that has ever made him lose his mind and self control, is you. Seeing you like this, ass up, grinding your drenched and still thong clad cunt all over his precum dripping lenght, he can't control the way his hand bunches the fabrick of that damn dress over your waist, then flies to your right cheek, a sharp sound of skin filling the air, tearing a gasp from your throat.

"God, I'm-I'm sorry. Couldn't help mys-"

"Do it again."

And he does, the palm of his hand now leaving a reddenning print on your flesh, making you jolt back involuntarily, aligning yourself to the head of his cock and like he had hoped, he slides right in. Not all the way, because Jimin is sure he would cream inside you too soon and he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he did. He wets his lips, clenching his jaw and dropping his palm one more time, hand more steady and purposeful. 

"You like it rough?" voice hoarse and a hand beside your head holding himself, your back to his chest, twitching beneath him as he soothes the sting with his free one. 

"I like you rough." turning your head slowly to peer at him from the corner of your eye, your hips moving on their own accord trying to take him deeper. Your head is suddenly pulled back harshly, Jimin's fingers tangling in your hair as his own hips close the remaining gap between your bodys in an abrupt thurst. You squeal, Jimin's cock finally filling you up to the hilt just like you wanted him to be, the pleasure making your arms wobble and finding it harder to mantain your balance. 

Jimin's breath fawns over your ear, his tongue darting out to suck on your skin sending chills down your spine. "You're such a dream." he groans, torturously sliding out of your core that's gripping around his shaft for dear life. A whine of protest escapes your lips and he tightens the hold on your hair in response, diving right back in. You fall forward, your arms' strenght betraying you as his thrusts find a new rhythm. With your eyes closed shut, you try to muffle the sound of your voice with the back of your hand as Jimin's lips place soft kisses to your exposed shoulder.

"Don't be quiet." he stands straight, the pull on your hair arching your back in such a enticing way it was Jimin look away for a second, cock buried inside of you and his hips faltering. "Been dying to have you like this for so long."

Another clap of his hand against your right cheek, and a particular stroke of his dick that has you mewling as your climax approached again. "S-so good, Jimin. Oh my god."

"You're gonna cum for me?" his fingertips leave bruises on your skin and the windows of his Mercedes are foggy, just like your mind. You can't concentrate on anything that's not Jimin's cock sliding in and out and how much you wished this had happened way sooner. "Gonna cum for me like a good slut?"

Park Jimin always takes his time. Always does things nice and slow to assure the best outcome possible. 

But he can't contain the acceleration of his hips against yours as your walls clench impossibly tight around his cock, your orgasm finally taking over . Can't contain himself from falling forward again, hand twisting your head in his direction and his mouth searching for yours in a fiery and messy kiss. And he most definitely can't barely contain himself from cumming when your you ask him to spit in your mouth. 

"You're gonna kill me." he breathes, removing himself off you and quickly maneuvering you on your back, his dick finding its way back inside you. Picking up right where he left off, skin slapping against skin in an obscene melody, he collects a considerate amount of saliva in his mouth before dropping it into your welcoming tongue, watching you swallow with a smile he hopes he'll be the only one to see in the future. 

And that's what has the last bit of his self restraint slipping from his fingers. He somehow manages to rip the top of your dress down, fabric tearing until your tits are free and his mouth is attacking your nipples, white strings of his release panting your walls, some of it them oozing out that he fucks back right into you. 

It's between ragged breaths, kisses and tender carresses that Jimin promises you more dates in the future and new dresses that he can't promise not to savage apart again.

[iamanartichoke]

Sometimes  I really do think a lot about how I have no idea how much of Thor/Thor’s feelings for Loki are arguably canon, and how much I’ve projected onto him based on fanon and fic. I was reading some of my old meta and while there’s lots going on under the surface of Thor that I and others have taken a stab at exploring, the films - all of them - really leave a lot to be desired, insofar as how Thor treats Loki: 

Thor never says I love you. 

Thor never pushes beyond surface-level. 

Thor seems more willing to just believe that Loki has simply “turned evil” than willing to put in the emotional energy to figure out why. 

Thor is content to leave Loki in prison indefinitely, and has no narrative issue with Loki’s life sentence (in fact, he even makes sure Loki knows that Thor intends to put him right back in prison after their road trip to Svartalfheim). Frigga intervened; Thor didn’t. Would Thor have been okay with Odin executing Loki? 

Beyond his initial heartbreak, he doesn’t seem very affected by Loki’s death in TDW. One could argue that he doesn’t seem very affected by Frigga’s death, either, and that’s bc Thor would rather push his emotions down and/or fight them out than express them but, again, is that actually true or is that a headcanon? 

He leaves Loki’s body on Svartalfheim and never asks after it or attempts to go back for it after Malekith was taken care of. 

His defense of Loki as a person in Avengers is undermined by “he’s adopted,” and he doesn’t really attempt to defend Loki after that. There’s no “this isn’t who Loki really is, something is wrong,” there’s no “I’ve known my brother for a literal millennium and seriously, this isn’t like him,” there’s no “Loki, even if this is you, I fucking love you anyway and I’m not going to stop loving you, so please let’s figure this out.” 

(Re that last point - the “broken crayon” scene from Buffy lives rent free in my head [15 years and 137,000 viewings later and it still makes me tear up], and I often compare it to Thor and Loki - how the closest thing we get to something similar is ‘we can stop it together’ on Avengers tower and how much is lacking from the latter. It’s all kinds of heartwrenching for a lot of reasons. I’m not saying there was narrative time or space for a full on broken crayon scene, I’m just saying they could have done better in showing Thor trying a little fucking harder.) (I realize Joss Whedon did both of these scenes. my point stands.)   

I don’t have much of a point in writing all of this out, and I am certainly not trying to start any Thor wank so please don’t let this post spiral, it’s just something I think about a lot and was specifically thinking about today bc of how far apart Thor and Loki have come in canon. 

And not to make this about Ragnarok but I often feel like a catalyst of the frustration in how Thor treats Loki in Ragnarok and how their ‘reconciliation’ leaves a lot to be desired for a lot of people, is that - I’m not really sure how to articulate it except to say that the first half of the franchise gave us a broken, complex relationship with a ton of unexplored potential and, by having Thor kinda change things up regarding how he treats and interacts with Loki, and having the narrative slap a band-aid on the relationship before killing Loki off, there’s that extra bitterness of, okay, I guess we’re never going to explore any of that potential. And that’s ... you know, something that sucks. 

Ftr, I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with projecting a lot of fanon/headcanons onto Thor and/or Thor’s behavior in the films irt Loki. Personally, I wouldn’t enjoy their relationship as much without the supplemental metas and headcanons and fanon things (even things as simple as Thor having a lock of Loki’s hair braided into his own). I’m just acknowledging that it’s a thing that happens, at least with me, and how disappointing it is to remember that a lot of Thor’s motivation and character development comes more from meta than from actual source material. 

Plus, it’s more than a little irksome to see that the widespread assumption about Loki is that there were no more stories to be told after he died and until they reinvented him and made him “fun,” (apparently that particular quote is going to stay under my skin for awihile and idek where it came from - one of the reviews, I think? I saw it on my dash somewhere, idk) because like - *gestures like Will Smith at his and Thor’s relationship and all the unexplored nuance and complexity* 

Like, come on. 

[imaginethathaikyuu]

How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd 

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho 

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw 

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more 

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

[hanibalistic]

hey!! i’ve been reading through your hyunjin works and just wanted to say i love the way you write him! of course, your writing is amazing for all the members too but for hyunjin you always mention how beautiful he is, and i’m amazed by how many different ways you’re able to do that bc it never feels repetitive!! and i’m also fascinated by how despite the emphasis on his etherealness he still feels human and real. ig that kinda sounds weird but a lot of the works i’ve read describe beauty in good-looking characters so much to the point where it ends up feeling a bit unreal and kinda hard to imagine. but you do it just the perfect amount, and always balance it out with other aspects of him! and i also love love the hyunjin’s dynamic with mc in all of your works, and love how much depth you give their characters too, the quirks and habits you assign, which goes for all your works too.

but i think what i like most about ur hyunjin fics is the atmosphere is each of them. i’m not exactly sure how to describe the feeling each gives me and certainly not eloquent enough to do it either, but there’s always this tenderness? it’s like your works of him are coated in this fuzzy pink tenderness but then if u look behind that layer you’d get this boundless cosmos of potent emotions—sometimes it takes me a second or third read to fully comprehend just how many emotions there are or how strong they are (or sometimes just to fully fathom how beautifully put together your words and sentences are lol)

maybe it’s that way for all of your works which i haven’t gotten through yet so forgive me if that isn’t true. and maybe im just hyunjin-deprived atm 😂

this doesn’t rlly make any sense lmao anyways point is you’re an amazing writer and i love your writing style!! thank you for giving me such wonderful experiences!

hello there (❁´◡`❁) this is a rather long ask that deserves a long answer so i am going to bust out the cute faces! first of all, thank you so much for reading my works! i am happy that you like them!

hyunjin... he is not my most well-written member, so i am surprised to hear so many compliments on my writing for his works (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ) i do tend to focus on his looks a lot, mainly because i project into my writing a lot and well, i admire his appearances. but you are absolutely correct, ultimately i do not think ethereal is the word to describe hyunjin. if anything i think it degrades him in a sense. i explained it here in this ask, if you have not looked into it!

with all the kindness and affection he displays, hyunjin acts far too human, far too down-to-world for us to downgrade him to something we cannot explain. to just use a pretty word, like 'ethereal' to describe and call it a day. we can explain him, we can read him. that's the fundamental part of his beauty. it's that he is understandable and he makes us feel familiarity. he is not stars or galaxies, he is not here to be unknown and discovered. hyunjin wants to be heard and seen. he is here to be remembered and felt; the young scribbles on the rusty paint of your old home, the broken eye of your worn teddy bear that has rolled to the corner of your old room, the smell of your mother's shampoo after you left to be an adult for too long. it takes some time for you recognize, but they are not to be learned but to be remembered and felt.

tl;dr hyunjin is not the ethereal space. he is not stars and moon and sun. he is nothing out of touch. he is home. just home. a home that we have always had, a home that we can always go back to.

anyway, enough about that (although there seem to never be enough for hyunjin!). i never really thought my characters are anything special. for now, i think i am priding myself in my world-building and plot ideas (〃ﾟ3ﾟ〃) but thank you for liking my characters! they are always, somehow, a part of me. who i want to be, who i am, who i hated, who i wanted to have around, who i disliked—they are all parts of me, and i hold them to my heart dearly (most of them, at least). most of the traits i have are real-life human traits found in people around me, so i won't be surprised if you find them realistic and in-depth!

tenderness is a theme prevalent in my work, i believe? maybe i tend to overload them in hyunjin's, though (˚ᗜ˚*) and i also think the tenderness is different depending on who i am writing for. it can be soft and hearty for one person, but playful and nostalgic for another. they range differently depending on how i feel in real life about the idol, i suppose? (this is the part where i craft a character based on the idol, instead of the other way around, which is 98% of the case haha)

but yeah. i think... i think tenderness is very important. i think being able to be gentle with faulty people is very important, even though they hurt you. there is greatness in standing up to people immediately, of course, but sometimes when you see past the surface of the fault and recognize the guilt in it, i find it even greater to have heart. i value it because i, personally, need it; i don't have it a lot as my personality issues clashes with tenderness. i talk about this before as well—the importance of having people who are willing to allow kindness despite evil.

i just love loving, that is all. i love the tenderness of having dinner with someone, i love the softness in sharing a bed with someone, i love the gentleness in being taught something by my mother who told me the knowledge is taught to her by my father when they were young (i might... write something for this... maybe...). i say the same thing over and over again, but consider me head over heels and someone who is unable to let go.

[trensu]

Episode 44: The One where Su She Gets Rekt

we’re outside of mianmian’s house and omg wwx's face is so cute when he recognizes mianmian. his little pleased grin makes me melt every time

also omg, i just realized that wwx is still wearing lwj’s white inner robes here???

you can see them where you usually see his (sinfully) red inner robes!!!!! 

which means as far as i’m concerned this ENTIRE EPISODE is a wangxiantic in and of itself lolol

mr. mianmian is like, why are you calling my daughter's name??

(i keep forgetting that mianmian's name isn't actually mianmian lol)

i'd be concerned too if some strange guy who was hiding behind our hay bale or whatever the heck that is, knew my kid's name...

wwx is so amused by this turn of events! he's like, awww, mianmian and little mianmian!

which was basically my response too

but ofc lwj is much more formal and does his little bow and addresses her as Lady Luo

wwx: now i know your true name!!

wait, did he really never learn it before?? or did he just forget? both are plausible, tbh

and here mianmian introduces her husband

wwx: may i ask what clan you're from?

mm: oh, he's not from any clan. he's a merchant!

bc mm knew getting tangled up with another clan was just not a good life decision, probs

and she's all he comes with me on night hunts tho and wwx is like, oh is that what you were doing?

little mm: we were looking for the yiling patriarch!

and wwx perks up and gets all playful bc WWX LOVES CHILDREN SO MUCH

wwx: oh, but i heard he eats children. aren't you afraid?

little mm gets all shy and stutter-y and it's ADORABLE

wwx is all like, oh she's so cute! she looks just like you when you were her age

and mm is all, don't you feel bad saying that?? how would you know what i looked like at that age???

we get a shot of lwj and he looks at ease and is simply taking joy in watching wwx interact with these people

same, lwj, same

wwx: how old is she? i'd like to give her some lucky money!

and ofc mr. and mrs. mianmian immediately try to stop him for politeness sake BUT LOL LWJ IS ALREADY REACHING INTO HIS SLEEVE TO GET MONEY FOR THE KID

wwx: don't be so humble. it's not my money anyway~

and he laughs bc he'S SHAMELESS

lwj just hands wwx his purse and lets him take whatever he wants from it. 

what a doting husband-to-be he is!

and then mm does that thing all parents do with small children "what do you say to hanguang jun and master wei?"

little mm: thank you, hanguang jun

SHE'S SO FREAKING CUTE

lwj must agree with me bc he SMILES. it's his little smile, the one that just barely curls up at the corner of his lips, but it's a sincere smile

he's probably remembering lsz when lsz was that age

he's probably thinking about how he wants more children, esp now that wwx is here to raise them with him

Give me all the Dadji fic!

wwx: little mm, i gave you the money. why don't you say thank you to me?

and he puts on this cute little pout but little mm just glares ADORABLY at him bc she SAW who's money it was and she's a clever girl lololol

lwj is amused by that exchange too, we get another one of his little smiles

now they're asking for info on anything unusual around but they get interrupted by some screaming!! mm was all ready to go attack, but lwj said they'd handle it

after they leave, mr. and mrs. mm have a little convo which i wouldn't bother mentioning except she ends it with a very sincere "master wei...is a good man"

BC WWX IS A GOOD MAN AND APPARENTLY SHE'S THE ONLY ONE SENSIBLE ENOUGH TO SEE THAT

turns out the screaming was wen ning!! being adorable!!

he's all covered in mud and grass, and had been trying to scare people off for Reasons

wwx starts cleaning his face 

I LOVE WHEN WWX DOES THAT

HE’S SO LOVING AND NURTURING

lwj watches this go down but there's no smile on his face like there was before with little mm even tho wwx being all sweet and nurturing is always cute

DON'T BE JEALOUS LWJ, DON'T BE THAT GUY

oh, wwx just noticed wn's injured hand and is like, what happened? and wn ofc says 'NOthing!!!" bc he doesn't want to worry wwx

lwj: it's blood.

wn: not blood1! well, it is but it's not human blood!!

he says this so nervously and flustered bc lwj is very intimidating actually 

Or at least I wouldn’t want to get on his bad side...

now we find out that wn has secretly been taking down puppets while following wwx and lwj around this whole time

bc wn is a good friend

then it gets kinda sad bc wwx is like, wn i told you to hide out somewhere! and wn is all, but where would i hide?

bc wn has nowhere and no one aside from wwx rn 😔

so wwx is like, okay, the three of us can travel together instead

Lol, lwj looks down at this and starts stalking off

lwj: lets go

i don't think he's happy to have a third wheel lololol

he wanted alone time with wwx!

WHAT DID I SAY, LWJ?? NO ONE LIKES A GREEN-EYED MONSTER.

now they're in town!

wwx: lan zhan, do you remember this town?

lwj: yes

BC LWJ REMEMBERS ALL OF HIS TIME WITH WWX

BC WWX IS HIS SOULMATE AND HE LOVES HIM

wwx is like, remember that time i said i'd treat you to a meal here?

they're in front of the teahouse in yiling and lwj is looking at it, like, FONDLY bc he DOES remember and it's probably one of his happiest memories tbh

wwx isn't looking at the teahouse, he's looking at lwj here and he gets this soft little smile on his face AND IT'S SO SWEET AND BEAUTIFUL 

ooh flashback to their first time in yiling together! And ~Their Song~ starts playing!!

it's a quick little flashback bc we're back in the present with wwx saying something about how he's embarrassed that lwj ended up paying that time or smth

at wwx's words, lwj turns around and just looks at him. 

Omg, how does he always pack in SO MUCH LOVE in the way he looks at wwx??

another quick flashback of them sharing a meal at the teahouse with cute little a-yuan darting around lwj with his toys

wwx: but that happened a long time ago

and lwj gives a stilted nod bc HE DOESN'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT HOW LONG AGO THAT WAS AND THE FACT THAT WWX WAS GONE ALL THIS TIME

wwx turns and sees the toy stall and he SMILES

OH GOD HOW DOES THIS MAN HAVE SUCH BEAUTIFUL SMILES

but then he gets sad as he remembers a-yuan

wwx: if that boy were still alive, he would be a teenager now

Bc wwx still thinks all the wens died. He thinks little a-yuan was BRUTALLY MURDERED with the rest of his clan

MY POOR DARLING SUNSHINE BOY

then we get a bit of slo-mo as lwj turns to look at wwx, who's still lost in thought

AND HE DOESN'T MENTION THAT LSZ IS ALIVE AND WELL???

WHAT HECK LWJ

THAT WAS A PERFECT OPENING

ALL YOU HAD TO SAY WAS "YEAH, FUNNY STORY, HE'S ACTUALLY NOT DEAD. SURPRISE!! I RESCUED HIM AND RAISED HIM AS MY OWN SON AND GAVE HIM ALL THE LOVE I COULD POSSIBLY GIVE BC HE WAS YOUR SON AND ALL I HAD LEFT OF YOU AND HE SAVED MY LIFE AS MUCH AS I SAVED HIS"

DAMN IT, LWJ. USE YOUR WORDS!!

cut to somewhere outside the town and wn is beating up a whole bunch of puppets all by himself like a badass

oh, here's lwj with the assist! he guqin's the heck out of those puppets

he looks so cool doing that, omg

Also, i love how he whooshes away his instrument whenever he's done with it

we're at the burial mounds!!

which is looking just as bright and cheery as ever!!

meaning everything is gray and looks dead

wwx gets really sad, and he's remembering the voices of all the wens he failed

IT HURTS TO SEE HIM THIS MELANCHOLY

MY SUNSHINE BOY SHOULD ONLY EVER BE HAPPY AND SMILEY, DAMN IT 

wn snaps him out of it, thankfully

lwj explains how everything was destroyed during the siege back then

he doesn't mention at all how he defended this place until he physically couldn't anymore

wwx: it doesn't matter that this place was destroyed. for me, wq, and wn, it represents the hardest time in our lives. there's no need to return to this place

wwx says this all soberly and i just wanna wrap him up in blankets and hide him from the world

BC THE WORLD DOESN'T DESERVE MY PRECIOUS SUNSHINE BOY. 

LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO  HIM!!

THEY BROKE HIS HEART!!! THEY’RE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE HIM ANYMORE.

lwj looks like he feels the same way, lol

wwx: wen ning, stop looking. let's go

wn: yes, young master. i just wanted to check if there's anything left

which was ANOTHER PERFECT OPENING for lwj to cut in and say "ACTUALLY, ABOUT THAT, a-yuan is totally alive and well, guys!!"

but nooooo, ofc lwj doesn't say anything bc god forbid he use his words every once in awhile

oh, evil puppets just appeared and started attacking 

But wn is like NOT TODAY SATAN and starts pummeling the lot of them

ooooh, and lwj does this thing here where he summons up a guqin string and, like, magically attaches it to a couple of trees 

Then wwx tells wn to watch out and wn does this cool backflip to join wwx as lwj TWIRLS forward to take wn's place

and then he magically plucks the guqin string which lets out this big blue blast of energy 

the whole move looks SO DAMN COOL

HE EVEN DOES LIKE, A FINISHING POSE LIKE ALL GOOD SUPERHEROES DO LOL

After, he whooshes away his string like nbd, just being effortlessly awesome like ALWAYS

now they're making their way to wwx's demon palace cave thing, and lwj stops to freaking MATERIALIZE suibian out of thin air and give it to wwx

it looks SO cool

lwj: for defense

wwx: thank you

wwx unsheathes it just enough so we can see the inscription on the blade before re-sheathing it and keeping it at his side

lwj gives him a Questioning Look and wwx gets a little awkward

wwx: ah, i haven't used a sword in so long, i'm not used to it

his eyes are all big and guileless and gorgeous

GOD HOW IS HE SO BEAUTIFUL

lwj is not as easily distracted as i am, apparently, and he very obviously is not buying with wwx is selling

wwx: fine, i'll tell you. it's bc this body of mine lacks spiritual power, so even the best sword can't show it's true power in my hand

lol, he raises up suibian when he says "the best sword"

i am so distracted by wwx's gorgeous cheekbones here, 

omg, paired with those big brown eyes, I CAN'T HANDLE IT I'M ONLY HUMAN

wwx: therefore, hanguang jun, please protect this fragile, feeble man~

he says it with a thin smile which looks as adorable as all his other smiles

Tbh i get the impression that he's a little embarrassed to have to ask for help

NOT THAT HE EVEN NEEDED TO ASK BC LWJ IS ALREADY WILLING TO PROTECT HIM FROM ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME

wwx walks around past lwj and we see lwj aim one of his signature Longing Glances at wwx's back

now we're in wwx's old demon palace cave thing!!

AND WE SEE THE JUNIORS ARE ALL TIED UP AND TRAPPED THERE

HELLO, JUNIORS!! WE'VE MISSED YOUR PRECIOUS BABY FACES

lol, lsz and jl are tied to one another, my sweet little baby ship

you know what, this isn't wangxian at all but the juniors have some choice lines here and we should take the time to appreciate them

ljy: what do they even want? whether it's to torture or kill us, they should just do it! i'd rather be eaten by monsters during night hunting than starve to death in this shithole

LOLOL SAME LJY SAME

death by starvation has got to be one of the WORST ways to go

rando jin junior starts running his mouth again and we see jin ling close his eyes and attempt to do a breathing exercise or smth and IT'S HILARIOUS LOLOLOLOL

LOOK AT MY BRATTY SON TRYING TO CONTROL HIS TEMPER

it lasts like, two seconds before he's yelling at the other kid and telling him to shut up

rando jin junior is all offended and is like, what do you mean shut up??

so my precious bratty son is like, "what do i mean? are you deaf or stupid? can't you understand? shut up means STOP TALKING"

I LOVE JIN LING SO MUCH

MY DARLING BRAT OF A SON

they bicker for a bit and lsz cuts in trying to make them stop by pointing out that, hello, they're trapped in here by evil puppets who could decide to come in and tear them to pieces literally any minute now

the distraction tactic didn't work. the boys are trying to beat each other up whilst being tied up and it's HILARIOUS

THAT'S THE MOST PATHETIC FIGHT I'VE EVER SEEN, BOYS.

meanwhile lsz is like: guys, calm down, calm down!!

bc he's tied to jl so he's getting all jostled around, poor sweetie-pie lsz 

and this is when wwx decides to step in, with a long suffering sigh and a very unamused: hey, look here.

THE WAY LSZ AND LJY'S FACES LIGHT UP WHEN THEY SEE LWJ NEVER GETS OLD

also it cracks me up how there's a breeze elegantly rustling through wwx's and wn's hair. 

it's so obviously for the Aesthetic bc literally nobody else's hair is doing that 😆😆😆 

ALSO ALSO, OMG WWX IS SO FREAKING HILARIOUS HERE

Wwx unsheathes suibian and hands it to wn KNOWING THAT ALL THESE KIDS ARE TERRIFIED OF THE FEARSOME GHOST GENERAL

AND THE KIDS ALL START PANICKING AS WN TAKES THE SWORD AND STALKS TOWARDS THEM

and wn ning totally plays along bc he slices through those ropes in the most menacing way possible AND ALL THE KIDS SLAM THEIR EYES CLOSED AND HAVE A FULL-BODY FLINCH AND IT'S HILARIOUS

wwx gets sulky that the kids seem more scared of wn than him lol

we see the dumber kids make a break for it but oyzz, with his big kind heart, stops them bc hey, remember there's a horde of evil puppets outside??

lol, wwx smirks at the dumb kids.

lsz: master wei, you're here to save us! you didn't send people to capture us right?

and wwx is like, do i LOOK like i have that kind of money?

lsz is like, ah, yes, i remember that you are TRAGICALLY POOR.

kid doesn't pull punches, does he lol. and he says it so mildly too

wwx's whole reaction here is like, yeah okay, i deserved that one lol

wwx starts grilling the kids for info, which ljy gladly provides, and lwj gives him and lsz a "well done" for their efforts

oooh, now jin ling is approaching wwx

lwj sees him out of the corner of his eye and IMMEDIATELY places himself in front of wwx

which cracks me up bc this is a full grown man here squaring up against a kid who's like, twelve (okay, 16 but still!)

ofc lsz and ljy follow lwj's lead and put themselves between jl and wwx too

wwx thinks they're all being ridiculous

wwx: what are you guys doing? you're surrounding him.

so he nudges the lan kids away and then grabs lwj's upper arm and literally tugs him away from where he was about to throw hands with a child

ljy: you want to stab him again?

lsz: jingyi!

thank you, lsz, tell him to leave my bratty son alone ☹️

wwx essentially waves it all off and is like, hey guys lets focus on getting out of here first, yeah?

jin ling looks ashamed, my poor boy. he feels all guilty for stabbing wwx 😞

now they're plot talking about how they're gonna get out of the cave, what with the horde of evil puppets and all

they make it to the entrance of the cave and we see a whole bunch of cultivators drop in for a party, i guess

oyzz: dad! *runs off to be with dad*

jc: jin ling what are you waiting for? your death?

I LOVE WATCHING JC BE AN UNCLE TO JL

HE'S SO ANGRY WITH HIS AFFECTION LOLOL

oh hey, one of the rando juniors called out "mom!"

that's so cool actually??? we don't really get a lot of lady cultivators but apparently one of them is there to save her kid!!

uh oh, Uncle Lan does not look happy to be here

lwj leads all the lan juniors to lqr and he bows politely to him 

the lan juniors all join lqr and stand behind him but lwj very pointedly stands before lqr and makes no move to get closer to him as wwx joins him at his side

lqr: wangji, come here

lwj looks at him briefly, like he wants to say something, before looking down 

bc no, he's not leaving wwx's side ever again lqr, so you better get used to it

now some rando lady cultivator is shouting at lwj. she's all "you're undeserving of your reputation!!"

and i'm sitting here like, HEY LADY, WATCH YOUR MOUTH OR COME FIGHT ME

YOU KNOW NOTHING, LADY, NOTHING AT ALL

wwx interrupts her rant 

wwx: here you go again!

he probs would've said more but then jc interrupts

jc: we have to do this

and he probs wouldve said more but FUCKING SU SHE INTERRUPTS AS IF HE HAS ANY VALUE AT ALL

LOL JC’s eyes slide over from wwx to su she and he looks at su she WITH SUCH CONTEMPT AND IRRITATION, IT'S GREAT

THAT'S HOW I LOOK AT SU SHE ALL THE TIME LOLOLOL

ss: blah blah we found you cuz you stole kids blah blah 

and wwx is like, EXCUSE YOU, I JUST SAVED THOSE KIDS' LIVES. HOW ABOUT SAYING THANK YOU???

now wwx is gonna get clever and start talking circles around this crew of idiot cultivators

wwx: your party seems a bit weak, guys. shouldn't jgy and lxc be here with you?

ss: blah blah assassination attempt against jgy blah blah lxc is tenderly nursing him back to health blah blah

then su she implies that wwx was the one who tried to kill jgy

STFU SU SHE

wwx snorts

ss: why are you laughing??

wwx: oh, nothing. i was just surprised that jgy could get hurt so easily

and here we get some oyzz time

oyzz: dad, i don't think he really did it. last time, he saved us in coffin town. this time, he rescued us too!

oyzz's dad: don't speak nonsense, you silly child

YOU WANNA GO, OYZZ'S DAD? DON'T TALK TO THE BOY THAT WAY, I WILL FIGHT YOU.

wwx: why didn't the nie clan come?

Nhs pops in from where he was hiding: oh, pardon me! master wei, i don't know anything about this. i'm just here to make up the numbers

ILU NHS, I'M PERSONALLY GONNA GIVE YOU AN ANCIENT FANTASY CHINA OSCAR

LOL i love how after popping up to say that, he just scoots himself away and behind the other cultivators again

now the idiot cultivators are airing their grievances against wwx

ugh, sect leader yao is talking again and we get to see mob mentality in action

GOD THEY ALL NEED TO STFU

BUNCH OF LOSER NOBODIES

they're still hurling accusations at my sunshine boy and it's making me angry

wwx: I won't admit to what i didn't do

YOU TELL ‘EM, WWX!!

Fucking su she chimes in with some bullshit and so wwx decides to do a public service and try to teach these losers some critical thinking skills by laying out Valid Points for Plot Reasons

Lesson gets cut short bc oops, here come more evil zombie puppets with a strong gust of wind for ambience

LOOK AT JC GO WITH THAT ZIDIAN

LOVE LOVE LOVE IT

but it fails on it's second strike!! jc looks at it in shock, like what's going on??

wwx must've seen that happen bc suddenly we see his flute boomerang the puppet that was headed for jc

and wwx places himself in front of him BC THAT'S HIS BROTHER, THE BROTHER HE LOVES

AND HE'S SO WORRIED FOR HIM WHEN HE SEES JC SPIT UP BLOOD

YUNMENG BROOOOOSSSSSSS *SOB*

oh, now we see lqr spit up blood and lwj, being the good nephew that he is, swoops in to fight off the puppets that had been attacking his uncle

god, lwj is such a good person  bc he just blocked a hit aimed for sect leader yao

Sect leader yao

LWJ PROTECTED SECT LEADER YAO

LWJ TRULY IS AN HONORABLE MAN BC I WOULD'VE LET THAT HIT KILL HIM AND BEEN LIKE, OOPS, TOTALLY MISSED THAT, MY BAD

i mean, c'mon, is ANYONE gonna miss him if he dies??? no, nobody would be torn up over sect leader yao dying

his wake would have been a party, like ding dong the witch is dead sort of party

lol, lwj probs regrets this later on when he’s chief cultivator and has to listen to that loser rant endlessly about nothing, like, damn, i should’ve let him die back then

you know, i'm just gonna enjoy lwj fighting. he's got the best fight scenes tbh

we find out that everyone's spiritual energy has been blocked and they're defenseless against those puppets

lsz tells them all that they need to get into the cave where there's a protective circle they can fix and activate

then fucking su she is all like no don't go in there, it's probs a trap to kill us!!

SHUT UP SU SHE

wwx: staying outside will get you killed. going inside will also get you killed. either way, you're dead. but at least going inside will stall them.

wwx: su she, why are you in such a hurry to ask everyone to die with you? What’s your intent?

GET REKT SU SHE

Lol nhs is like are you guys going in or not? i'll just go inside myself if you won't and all his cultivators are like, yeah yeah, let's do that 

everyone's fleeing to the cave now except for su she and his crew

wwx: su she, you'll stay here? fine, stay here. You sure are brave!

THE WAY WWX SAYS THAT THO, THICK WITH MOCKERY AND SARCASM

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

while all the cultivators go into the cave lwj and wn are still fighting until everyone's gone

wwx: lan zhan, come on!

BC EVERYONE'S MADE IT INSIDE NOW AND LWJ NEEDS TO COME WITH HIM AND STAY SAFE!!

lwj slices down two more puppets and then zooms to wwx's side

lqr activates the protective circle and then holds wwx (and by extension lwj) at sword point

lwj: grand master

lwj looks at him like he wants him to understand, but he sees the lqr is not having it so he lowers his gaze

poor lwj 😔

lqr: what do you want?

wwx: nothing. but since you're all here let's have a chat!

lol, wwx sits down and makes himself comfortable even tho he's surrounded by cultivators that want him dead

The cultivators are all like, we don't wanna talk with you!!

wwx: aren't you interested in the reason you got poisoned? i swear, i'm not that capable of poisoning you all without being discovered

nhs: that's right. i think what he says makes sense

nhs is really good at what he does, isn't he? 

he knows exactly when he should interject to get the crowd to do as he wants

wwx starts to walk them through the basic critical thinking process, and lsz adds in his clever insights as well

then there's a bunch of plot talk that idc about

nhs: master wei, what should we do now?

NHS IS SO GOOD AT WHAT HE DOES OMG

Wwx is like, there's only two groups with spiritual power. me and lwj are onE group, and the juniors are the other group.

wwx: as for the rest, i don't think it's inappropriate to describe you as week and useless

I DON'T THINK IT'S INAPPROPRIATE TO DESCRIBE YOU AS WEAK AND USELESS

LOLOLOL LOVING THIS

wwx: if i really wanted to do something, could these young men stop me?

then fucking su she starts talking again

ss: blah blah blah kill me if you want blah blah we aint scared blah blah

Man, you have NO IDEA how much i want you dead, su she

wwx: may i ask who you are?

GET REKT SU SHE

wwx starts teaching them critical thinking again and we're again shown how the juniors are way more clever that these full-fledged cultivators

wwx looks so proud whenever the juniors chime in

su she starts talking again

ss: blah blah you're being fooled by the enemy blah blah bl--

AND THEN HE STOPS MID-SENTENCE

wwx: continue. why'd you stop?

some rando cultivator accuses wwx of doing that to su she and wwx is ADORABLE about it

his eyes get all wide and he frowns with a "well, don't look at me!" expression

HE'S SO CUTE, I LOVE HIM

and lsz and ljy tell us that it's a lan clan specialty - THE SILENCE SPELL

AND WE CUT TO A SHOT OF LWJ COMPLETELY BLANK FACED AS HE TELLS WWX TO CONTINUE

LIKE A BOSS

GET REKT SU SHE

so wwx continues and is like, isn't it weird how fucking su she wanted you all to die out there with him and now he wants to stop me from figuring out who poisoned you? now, why would an ally do that, hm?

I LOVE YOU WWX

IT'S SO FUN WATCHING SU SHE GET UTTERLY DESTROYED THAT I NEED TO RECORD THIS NEXT PART FOR POSTERITY

wwx: it seems that the su clan doesn't get along with the lan clan

ljy: indeed (he says with a disgusted look at su she LOL)

lwj: the su clan is a branch of the lan clan

and here, nhs gets ljy's attention

nhs: what's the story?

LOLOL, NHS YOU GOSSIP YOU

AND THE WAY LJY EAGERLY IS LIKE, HELL YEAH LEMME TELL YOU

lsz interrupts tho so he can give a more tactful explanation

lsz: master nie, you may not know but ss built his own clan after departing from the lan clan

lsz: their techniques are similar to the lan clan's, they're also good at music. even ss's spiritual tool is modeled after hanguang jun's 7-string guqin

ljy: not "departed from." they were expelled for betraying the lan clan. and it's not only that! there are funnier reasons too!

TELL ME MORE LJY. I WANT TO KNOW ALL THE FUNNY REASONS WHY SS WAS KICKED OUT

lsz tries to stop ljy but LJY IS NOT GONNA KEEP HIS OPINIONS TO HIMSELF

ljy: ss not only imitates everything from us, he also forbids ppl from discussing how he imitates hanguang jun

LOL, ATTA BOY LJY

ha, you can hear lsz scolding him in the background

unfortunately ss gets the ability to speak back and immediately gets everyone to start bickering

we see wwx roll his eyes and get this "I am so Done" expression on his face

i feel ya bro

more bickering, ljy giving as good as he gets, which is awesome, and then ljy says something that gives wwx an "aha!" moment

ljy: who are you calling arrogant? which clan's demon-subdue melody was played badly without even noticing?

and with that, wwx figures out how the other cultivators lost their spiritual power. but he's gonna make a show out of explaining it bc Drama.

wwx: lqr, may i ask you a question?

lqr: hmph. if you have a question, why not ask lwj?

wow, very mature of you lqr. what kind of example are you setting for your juniors?

we get a shot of lwj here and he looks at his uncle and then looks away with his mouth pinched

i think that hurt him. he still loves his uncle, after all.

wwx: then i'll ask him

wwx: lan zhan, even tho the su clan departed from the lan clan, they imitated the lan clan exclusive technique, right?

lwj: yes

wwx: one of the techniques is magic music that can exorcise evil with a guqin. since the su clan copied you, lots of their disciples use the guqin too, right?

lwj: yes

wwx: ss left the clan after learning the technique but since he didn't learn it to perfection, his disciples play with many mistakes, right?

GET REKT SU SHE

TODAY IS DRAG SU SHE DAY AND I AM LIVING FOR IT

lwj: yes

wwx: so even if they played music badly during battle, the lan clan wouldn't mind at all. they'd just assume it's careless mistakes. they'd assume someone confuse the score rather than thinking they did it on purpose

then he poses very confidently and says "isn't that right, clan leader su?"

su she goes to pluck the guqin strings and wwx reminds him that he has no spiritual power rn

ss: what are you insinuating by saying all that?

wwx: did i not say it clear enough that you feel like i'm just insinuating?

WWX IS FULL OF ZINGERS TODAY, IT'S AMAZING

and then wwx spells it all out for them bc as all know, these cultivators are all idiots. 

and the episode ends there!

not a lot of wangxiantics aside from the bit at the beginning BUT SO MANY QUALITY LINES FROM WWX AND THE JUNIORS

AND WE GET TO WATCH SU SHE GET DRAGGED FOR HALF AN EPISODE

NOT A BAD WAY TO PASS THE TIME, TBH

Return to Masterpost

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

Okay so bc of how Meapless in Seattle would play out in the Relocation AU, Doof would have no reason to drink the liquefied cutonium. Cause he drinks it while trying to deny that he was there on a coffee date with Peter. Everyone is just playing keep-away with the container. (That said, it'd be funny if he DID drink it for some reason bc of the bit where the gang picks up the cutified Doof. They'd probably be like ._. "... That you, Dr. D?")

in general, the entire episode would play out way differently because the a- and b-plot gangs would inevitably end up joining forces. perry would definitely end up knocking mitch and balloony's robot suits around if they dared threaten phineas and ferb. (also i want to know what candace would think of balloony. i'm sure she'd have Words on that whole situation and it'd be super fucking funny to see.)

I should really start tagging posts about this au now... welp, live and learn lmao

Sooooo I’m going to stay up until 3 am waiting for the new Taylor Swift thing to drop on Disney+ so I can watch it with the rest of the fandom on twt, which means I have more than enough time to go off on tangents and I apologize in advance

I definitely think if/when I write this, I definitely want Heinz to drink the cutonium just for shits and giggles, but it didn’t occur to me until you said this that there wouldn’t really be a reason for him to do it, so, naturally, I rewatched the entire episode just to figure out that one scene and because I love that episode and I have a general idea of how it might go down:

It’s kinda the opposite of the actual episode, where it’s Peter and Perry are at the coffee shop and Heinz is outside (idk what he’s doing there tho bc he’s not visiting Peter uhhhhh help), and Heinz does something loud and stupid (probably falls over or something idk he’s clumsy he would totally do it) and everyone in the coffee shop looks out the window to see what happened, and Heinz looks through the window to see if anyone noticed (and they did). Obviously, Heinz sees Perry (and Peter but mostly Perry) and he’s like :))))))) and my original plan had been that Perry runs out to see him and gives him a hug or something cute like that, but my new plan is that Perry actually runs away because he’s afraid that if OWCA finds out that Heinz saw him, he’ll be relocated again and he was just starting to get used to Seattle.

Heinz runs around the building and tries to catch up to him, and he after Too Much Yelling, he finally gets Perry to stop around the same spot they were in the episode (with Peter slowly catching up). Idk what he’s gonna yell but it’s gonna be something really pure and heartwarming ig idk words are hard, but Perry’s gonna freeze and Heinz is gonna run towards him while paying absolutely no attention who his feet whatsoever and whoops he falls in one of the kids’ ditches.

*casual switch to present tense bc there’s literally no reason to write this in future tense*

Perry turns around and looks down at him and he can’t help but smile because he knows he shouldn’t be here but this man is just so freakin adorable and he absolutely remembers why he loved their nemesisship (not that he’d ever forgotten, of course, but it’s hitting him harder now that he sees him). Heinz’s just like “You gonna give me a hand?” (in a lighthearted way obviously) and Perry is absolutely not going to give him a hand because Heinz would end up pulling him in instead, but it doesn’t matter anyways because Heinz makes a really big gesture when he asks and he ends up knocking the cutonium loose. Perry hops down with him to check it out (and Heinz is lowkey offended that he’s more interested in this cup than his ex-nemesis) and then Mitch shows up and he’s like “Hey gimme the cup” and Heinz is like “nu-uh my cup” and Mitch is like “GIMME DA CUP” and Heinz is like “fine, take the cup!” and then downs the cutonium right in front of him out of pure spite and that’s why he ends up drinking the cutonium (and subsequently gets kidnapped by Mitch (after being tossed around like a game of hot potato))

Ngl I don’t really know how the rest of the fic is gonna go at all but you’re absolutely right that things are different so I’m gonna do some spitballing here,

For one, I feel like the kids would stop heading to the Flynn-Fletchers as much because it was just so sad, but for the sake of this fic, we’re gonna say that everyone was at the Flynn-Fletchers when this started so now Buford and Baljeet are there with them. They end up getting hold of Heinz the same way they do in the show, and Phineas absolutely does say “... that you, Dr. D?” (purely because I love when the kids call him “Dr. D” it makes my heart happy). And Heinz is like, “Perry the platypus is here!” and the kids are like 0_0 and even Phineas isn’t quite sure wtf is happening, but The Man Of Action Ferb pushes him out of the way and follows Heinz’s instructions (all while ignoring Meap talking about the cutonium bc this is far more important) and they find Peter and Perry still over by the ditch and someone yells down to them (or, more specifically, to Perry) and Perry looks up and sees them and starts tearing up, and they let him and Peter in and Perry just jumps up into Phineas’s arms (he can’t exactly jump up into Ferb’s because he’s driving) and it’s a very heartwarming moment and Ferb hands Buford his handkerchief and everything and then someone ruins the moment. Idk if it should be Meap being like “Someone wanna fill me in on wtf just happened?” or Heinz being like “Wtf Perry you ran away from me but not them?” but it sure do ruin the moment, that’s for sure

Uhhhh idk that’s all i got on that. I guess Mitch gets Heinz back and then the kids team up with Perry (and Peter this time) and go get him and stuff happens? And there’s a running “gag” ig where Buford is the only one that thinks it’s weird that Heinz drank the cutonium out of spite and he keeps bringing it up and everyone else is like yeah that sure did happen whats your point

Oh my god tho I need the kids to see Ballooney. Literally everyone else would be like “oh no it’s an evil balloon ex-best-friend we should be scared” and Candace is like WHAT THE  F U C K  IS THIS THING and she is the only one to question why the fuck there’s a sentient balloon man there fdhfsjadfhsjkad

[phoebehalliwell]

So I LOVED your Sheridan and Warren fic!! The two of them are hilarious because that are just trying their best those poor boys! I had a hypothetical, so like in all those AU where Prue is wished alive in I Dream of Phoebe, what would happen in this situation? Would Prue go see her sisters or would she go find her kids? ALSO Prue as the boys magical (deceased) guide is Perf 👌🏻

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA tysm !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love my boys so much i’m really trying to keep them like. like as removed from proper magic as possible bc i just think it’s really fucking funny to just follow two bimbos around as they try their best. i’ve also def like tinkered w canon a lil bit as explained in this post here only to keep them further away from aunts who could explain everything like they don’t even have a whitelighter bc paige was supposed to fill that role really the only person they have is prue who gave them a crash course when she unbound their powers as explained in this post and they will occasionally summon her but even then it’s less for advice and more bc like. they want 2 talk to their mom. and i do think prue will occasionally try to make like guest appearances on their birthday she’d def be a presence kinda like how grams was a presence for the girls if they had a book of shadows prue would do the flipping. but they don’t. she did guide their familiar to them!! the cat’s name is swizzlesticks and yes it is just kit again lmao. But. Ur Question. so basically in w&s’s origins jack raised them post prue death and like he kinda fucked off to japan for the rest of the show (sidenote both warren and sheridan are quasi fluent in japanese like jack the only difference is while jack uses his bilingual talents for business the twins almost exclusively use this ability to multitask while watching anime) so i think piper and phoebe had like Zero contact w their nephews and paige actually has never met them like she didn’t even really know they existed bc deadass just no one mentioned them. so like if prue is wished back to life in i dream of phoebe for starters she’s gonna know chris is piper and leo’s son bc she’s been keeping an ear to the ground and Heavily monitoring this chris situation before she assessed that he was good she spent a lot of time trying to figure out if a ghost should beat the shit out of an alive witch so idk who’s wishing prue alive in this specific au tbh u know what richard’s kinda off the shits this ep he’s probably wish prue back to life to try to prove to paige that she doesn’t have to be a charmed one she can just be paige :) and paige would lose her SHIT bc like oh my god that was not what she wanted and she’s so not ready to meet prue but here she is lmao and chris is freaking out bc now he really knows he’s altered the future in Major ways i think piper would see prue and immediately pass out and while i think prue would really really want to see her kids her first task would definitely be fixing the future and she would entirely dedicate herself to making sure wyatt doesn’t become evil but i think like she would pull chris aside and be like hi in your future where are my kids and chris would be like who? and prue would be like my sons?? warren & sheridan???? and chris would be like what?????? bc this whole time if wyatt was indeed not the eldest son like are you Fucking Kidding Me????? but no he’s never even heard of warren and sheridan bc in the dark future their powers were simply never unbound and they just continued to live as mortals and may or may not be dead depending on how good the witch finder bots are but like. i don’t think even if wyatt knew they existed he would want to find them bc that just draws attention to the fact they existed and he’s not the firstborn of the next gen so either they’re doing fine-ish all things considered or they just like died lowkey. but chris didn’t even was remotely aware of their existence. and i think this would kinda send prue into a bit of a tailspin bc her boys are so far removed from their legacy and their family (and they’re being raised by jack yikes!!) and she’s like no these are my kids but if she wants to get where they are she either needs to book a fight or find a whitelighter so i think this would specifically be a prue/paige adventure which is also nice bc paige is omnilingual and prue does not speak japanese so like. idk cute adventure. probably use some monster from japanese mythology to save either some smallish town or alternately a major city bc both of those r fun. i think if jack saw prue again he would start throwing things at her and stuff bc he’d be convinced this is some demon here to kill his kids just like they killed her bc haha that’s not a recurring nightmare lmao so i think prue would cast the truth spell right then and there to prove she’s really her which also leads to some good comedy and character development bc jack paige and prue are all under a truth spell and there is a lot unsaid between all of these characters with paige’s inferiority complex and prue and jack’s true feelings for each other and issues caused by prue’s death y’know blah blah blah but i think prue would really use this opportunity to bring warren & sheridan back into the fold so to speak and bring them to the manor and properly train them in the craft and tbh in this specific au i think prue and jack would actually end up together. bc in any other world i’m saying they literally just coparent like they’re fond of each other and will always love the other in like some way but it’s not like Love but i think here specifically it’s like. like the time spent apart where jack just like fucking wishes prue was there and realized what an absolute sap and hopeless romantic he is bc yeah he always like grand gestures and clowning around but like. warren and sheridan’s first steps? and jack was just fucking alone like ngl he almost cried bc he just wished. like prue should have been there. she would have been a great mom. she was a great mom. and his kids deserve their mom and like. he just wishes he could have shared that moment with her. completely unbeknownst to jack prue actually does like you know watch over them all and she’s just like. like blown away by jack. like never in a million years would she have thought he was capable of doing what he did. like. like wow man. and i think the combination of those two like actually having them together again and raising their kids i think romance would blossom again. and i think it would be this insane slowburn bc i think y’know like. like it only happened the first time bc jack pursued prue and was like stubborn and stupid and he like knew she was outta his league but it didn’t matter bc that relationship was just for funsies it was a fling it was never meant to be permanent but if jack were to pursue it know it’s be like. permanent. you know? and jack just doesn’t think prue feels the same way like jack’s a fuckin idiot he knows that and prue’s like a witch? like an insanely talented with and a successful photographer back from the dead don’t worry about it lmao and she just like. she takes the world by storm she balances her career and motherhood and saving the motherfucking world like how could she ever. she would never want to be with someone like jack like that’s just. it’s not in the cards. and prue on the other hand keeps waiting for the penny to drop she keeps waiting for like. jack to realize he doesn’t have to be here anymore. she’s convinced he’s gonna hop town and continue being the man she knew while she was alive now that he doesn’t have to keep watching over the kids now that he’s free in a way but that just never happens because jack doesn’t want to leave like those are his kids also he’s in love with prue lmao but she just can’t. she doesn’t get it. men leave. that’s what they do. that’s what they’ve literally always done she can’t like. she can’t open herself up to something serious only to have jack just ditch and leave her kids with the memory of his back walking out the door so she lowkey starts to push him away put her walls up which only furthers jack’s belief that this is never gonna happen but sometimes it’s like they’ll accidentally fall asleep on the couch together in the middle of the afternoon with the sunlight on them and they’ll wake up like Horribly Embarrassed like oh my god which they’re like this isnt weird okay like we have kids together they’re right there like. we have had sex multiples times before piper walking in on up taking a cat nap in the living room is literally it’s nothing!! oh but it so is something meanwhile phoebe the empath is about to lose her Fucking Shit like guys!!! guys!!!!!!!!! and piper’s just trying to reign her in like no don’t interfere bc piper knows prue’s fear of abandonment and she does not know this new iteration of jack she just remembers what he was like and she doesn’t want to see prue get hurt paige is on the opposite side bc she has literally never met any previous iteration of jack or prue and she’s like hello?? they’re in love?? and chris is like hi okay but like. the task at hand? and the girls are like no shh like trying to covertly spy on prue/jack/warren/sheridan/wyatt all playing in the solarium prue’s doing the telekinetic mobile thing again and jack’s expression of wonder is the same as his sons like !!!! and chris is like deadass i do not get it okay evil wyatt tho. but blah blah blah slow burn i think prue and jack would get married like s8. their wedding would replace paige and henry’s bc as mentioned before paige and henry having a wedding esp a wedding that early was like. dumb. but yeah. prue x jack brainrot. i’m mentally ill i love them so much.

[extreme-technicality]

does talking to an anon help about ninjago help? cuz I'm down

DHDKCKGSC YES IT DOES THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR OFFERING YOUR SERVICES

Okay now that I know I won’t be clogging people’s dashes buckle the fuck in my dude and I should stress that I literally would not be talking about this as much as I will be if I didn’t genuinely enjoy the show. I’m gonna go season by season and just Rant

S1 has the serpentine as the bbeg and like, as far as villains go they’re p lit. They’re early enough that they haven’t been done to hell, things are fresh, the characters and dynamics are being fleshed out, and all in all s1 is a pretty solid season. There’s some fuckery that gets brought up re: how the FUCK aging works and what the actual timeline of Ninjago is and how Wu and Garmadon fit into that timeline, fuckery that LITERALLY NEVER GETS RESOLVED IN A SATISFYING WAY BC ITS REVEALED IN A LATER SEASON (s8, dw we’ll get there lmao) THAT THE ONLY REASON THE FIRST SPINJITSU MASTER, WU, AND GARMADON LIVED AS LONG AS THEY DID IS CUZ THEYRE BASICALLY DEMIGODS AND ITS IMPLIED THAT LLOYD WILL ALSO LIVE FOR A LONG ASS TIME WHICH MEANS ONE DAY HES GONNA OUTLIVE ALL HIS FRIENDS AND EVERYONE HE EVER LOVED WHICH IS A FUN THING TO THINK ABOUT AT NIGHT But anyway I digress, s1 also coincidentally introduces Lloyd (he wasn’t in the pilot episodes that set up the rest of the series) and the existence of Evil Dad Garmadon.

S2 is where Garmadon starts acting a lot more Evil and a lot less Dad. He’s the main antagonist for that season, and I actually read somewhere that the show was originally slated to end after s2 which high key explains the fuckery of literally every single season after this lmaooooo. Much like s1, I really can’t find much to complain about, the first two seasons are pretty decent as far as I can remember

Season. Fucking. Three. Where the fuck do I start??? I hate season three for entirely personal reasons revolving around the STUPID GODDAMN ROMANCE WRITING. okay lemme back up and explain a thing first so, Jay is dating Nya and they’re fine, they’re going steady, aND THEN????? THE BEGINNING OF THE SEASON INTRODUCES BULLSHIT LOVE TRIANGLE FUCKERY FOR ZERO GODDAMN REASON, BITCH I HATE LOVE TRIANGLES AND I HATE THEM EVEN MORE WHEN THEYRE DONE FOR NO GODDAMN REASON!!! AND THEN. AS IF THAT WERENT ENOUGH. THEY SHOEHORNED A ROBOT ROMANCE BETWEEN ZANE AND PIXAL AND I KNOW I RANTED ABOUT THIS A LITTLE BIT WHEN I WAS ACTUALLY WATCHING BUT I DIDNT GO INTO ENOUGH DETAIL!!!! THEY MADE THE OTHER NINJA OOC IN ORDER TO PROP UP THEIR SHIP!!!!!! AND AT ONE POINT ZANE GOES “its like we were…made for each other” AND I HAD TO FUCUCJDHVE I HAD TO SCREAM INTO A PILLOW BRO, IM SO TIRED!!!! NO THE FUCK YOU WERENT!!!!!! YOU WERE MADE FOR YOU AND PIXAL WAS MADE FOR PIXAL AND IF YALLS WANNA BANG BOLTS THATS FINE BUT DONT IMPLY THAT EITHER OF YOU WERE MADE INCOMPLETE!!!! THATS AN INSULT TO YOUR MAKERS AND YOURSELVES, MOVE ON, PLEASE AND THANK YOU. anyway that season also killed Zane (for the first time, but not the last) (spoiler alert lmao) and like, not to be an emotional little shit but I did cry a bit at his funeral.

S4 is honestly one of my favorites, even though the romance crimes continue (the love triangle bullshit is continuing and honestly I maintain that Cole, Nya, and Jay should all have gotten together and in my personal canon they DID, and also Kai has a forced romance) the VILLAIN makes up for it imo. He’s campy!! He’s funny!! He’s a clown!! He’s serious enough that if he says “I’m gonna kill you” HE MEANS IT and that’s so fucking refreshing!!!! S4 is honestly 8/10 just for the villain alone, don’t like that it retconned the SHIT out of the elemental masters and how many different elements there are TO master but eh, it’s ninjago, shit is stupid.

S5 was…interesting? OH WAIT I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT S3 INTRODUCED A GARMADON WHO WAS A LOT LESS EVIL AND A LOT MORE DAD, HONESTLY I THOUGHT IT TOOK A LOT OF THE FLAVOR OUT BUT THATS JUST ME LMAOOO. anyway s5 killed Garmadon, and I was a little sad cuz I like him okay??? I just think he’s NEAT, he’s got big dad energy, he was teaching Lloyd some shit that just got DROPPED and literally was never brought up again which is honestly a theme in Ninjago. Ninjago drinking game: take a shot every time they introduce a plot point or ability and drop it at or before the end of the season. WHICH THEY ALSO DID IN S5 WITH A DIFFERENT POWER ACTUALLY, so all the ninja are masters of Spinjitsu right, well s5 introduced the concept of Airjitsu which only Spinjitsu masters can learn and it lets them FLY and they used that for seasons 5 and 6 and then they nEVER BROUGHT IT UP AGAIN EVEN THOUGH IT WOULDVE COME IN HANDY FOR S E V E R A L DIFFERENT SITUATIONS ACROSS THE SEASONS, ONE OF THEM WOULD BE FALLING TO THEIR DOOM AND MY ASS WOULD BE YELLING “YOU CAN FLY, DUMBASS” - anyway, they do that again later lmao it’s fine. But what’s low key NOT fine is they made Nya the WATER NINJA!!! Like I’m not mad she has powers, except I kinda am, she was doing just fine as Samurai X and honestly the only reason she has super special ninja powers is for plot reasons. Also Cole got turned into a ghost, but by s7 he’s????? No longer a ghost????????? And that’s NEVER addressed or reasoned away, so like. Cool lmao

S6 didn’t happen. Like, canonically, s6 ends with wish fuckery that undoes the entire season and none of the characters remember anything that happened except Jay and Nya because S6 is the season where they get back together so they remember all those events for???? Feelings reasons?????? Unclear, moving on. The actual bbeg for S6 was a djinn with a vaguely Spanish accent, and to this DAY I don’t know why they made him have a SPANISH accent. Djinn are Arabic, not Spanish!! They’re not central or South American, either!!!! Your villain design makes no sense, do better

S7 had MORE time fuckery, and retconned what happened to Kai and Nya’s parents and hmmmhmhmhmhmhm that makes me Upsetti Spaghetti :3 not just the retconning, but the fact that they LITERALLY brought them back oNLY TO NEVER MENTION THEM AGAIN!!!!!! LITERALLY!!!!!!!! Okay so at the VERY very beginning, like pilot episodes beginning, Kai talks about their dad like he died/left fairly recently, BUT s7 contradicts that and claims that both of their parents were essentially abducted when Kai and Nya were little kids, which makes me question what in the fresh fuck two little kids were doing for all those years alone. SETTING THAT ASIDE FOR A HOT SECOND, their parents were also apparently good friends of Wu’s and old war buddies (from the Serpentine wars, which is YET ANOTHER bit of the timeline that doesn’t quite add up but honestly I could make a whole other post about that shit). But if they were such good fucking friends, why didn’t Wu check in every now and again??? What the fuck was Wu doing that was so fucking important that he couldn’t have been assed to visit his friends ONCE in like TEN MOTHERFUCKING YEARS and realize “oh shit, they’re not here and there are two tiny children running around unsupervised…My Kids Now : )” LIKE????? WU YOU LOW KEY SHOULDA LOOKED OUT FOR YOUR FRIENDS’ KIDS BETTER, THEY COULDA DIED BRO!!! Uhhhh the time fuckery also results in Wu getting yeeted ahead in time a bit and the ninja gotta find him

Season. Eight. I have…mixed feelings about this one. The beginning absolutely SLAUGHTERED me, and not in a “this is so fucking funny” way. No, the beginning made me feel like I was being flayed alive with just about every episode because Ninjago was back on its forced romance bullshit and this time it was Lloyd’s turn on the chopping block. That hurt my soul cuz like, look at that mans color scheme, he’s CLEARLY alloaro, why are you forcing romance on my aro man, why would you hurt me like that, BUT ALSO BECAUSE HE AND THE GIRL HE WAS BEING SET UP WITH HAD A LITTLE HEART TO HEART REALLY EARLY ON AND IT WAS THE MOST QUEER CODED SHIT!!!! IT DEADASS READ AS A CONVERSATION BETWEEN AN OUT AND PROUD QUEER AND A CLOSETED QUEER AND THEY MADE!!! IT!!!!! STRAIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!! The only thing that kept me watching at first was wanting to find Wu, and then I started enjoying myself once Cole found a plot-relevant baby and had fatherhood thrust upon him. Everything went from “ehhhhh” to “holy shit this FUCKS” once it was revealed that Rumi (Lloyd’s love interest) wAS PLAYING HIM THE WHOLE TIME AND WAS EVIL AND HAD AN EVIL GIRLFRIEND!!!!!! LITERALLY IMPROVED EVERYTHING ABOUT THE SEASON FOR ME, I COULD EVEN FORGIVE THE WHOLE “let’s resurrect Garmadon, but as evil as possible” BULLSHIT!!!!!!

S9 is a continuation of s8, Garmadon is back and 1000% Evil, 10% Dad, but none of the Dad energies is directed at Lloyd - it’s all directed at Rumi, and honestly I could write a whole ass post on just RUMI cuz that’s honestly my DAUGHTER and I LOVE HER and I’m MAD SHE DIES AT THE END OF THIS SEASON!!!! SHE DESERVED THERAPY AND TO LIVE WITH HER GF AND MAYBE SOME CRIME. AS A TREAT. RUMI DESERVED BETTER AND LOW KEY IM GONNA WRITE A FIC ABOUT IT, BUT ANYWAY WHERE WAS I

Ah right, so s9 has the four major Ninja stuck in the original dimension with no way home, while Lloyd has no powers (cuz he almost died last season) and has to somehow lead a resistance against Garmadon (who has taken control of Ninjago City and is working on the rest of Ninjago). Actually, s9 is pretty cool. Like, the end of s8 and into s9 are low key my favorite episodes, and I kinda wanna rewatch them now -

S10 is a FUN one. Garmadon got got last season, but he didn’t DIE, so he’s in cold storage and now there’s Another Threat and he’s the only one who knows wtf they’re up against so they let him out and he works with them. The funny part is, he is still Very Much Evil and doesn’t quite Get emotions like he did when he was, uh, human lmao, sO HE WOKE UP EVERY DAY DURING THAT SEASON AND DECIDED TO CAUSE PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE. IT WAS THE FUNNIEST FUCKING SHIT. 1000000/10 MY FAVORITE GARMADON, he ended that season by literally fucking off into Ninjago and they never decided to track him down 😭😭😭😭😭and I’m so SAD about it dude

S11 has another Serpentine as the bbeg, though in the setup to that they retconned how the fucking Serpentine tribes and history work??? I think???? Also Wu was a good 150% angrier and generally Done with the ninja’s shit, which was honestly refreshing tho I’m not quite sure I liked what the refreshed view was, but whatever lmao. S11 also had the ninja get yeeted to the dimension farthest from Ninjago, and honestly - okay, so they didn’t all go at the same TIME, Zane left about a week or two before the others did but there was time dilation fuckery afoot which I’m not too mad about cuz low key it makes sense. What I AM mad about is that they didn’t play the angst up to its full POTENTIAL!!!!!! Zane was EVIL in the other dimension!!!! Okay so I’m Ninjago he was only gone for maybe a week or two, but DECADES had passed in the other one, and all that time Zane was alone and disconnected from everyone he knew and loved, with a staff that boosted his power while slowly corrupting him and Turning Him Evil to help him, and like???? The thought of Zane trying to find a way home, trying to get SOME sort of message back, while he has to use the staff more and more to help him survive the long, lonely decades, so that by the time his family DOES show up its too late??? BRO. B R O. THAT JUST HITS DIFFERENT, BUT NINJAGO DIDNT DO THAT!!! THEY MADE HIM EVIL DUE TO MEMORY WIPE!!!!!! MEMORY WIPE IS BABY SHIT COMPARED TO A LONG, SLOW CORRUPTION!!!!!!

S12 was alright. It went into Cole’s mom, touched on some of the adventures she had had, threatened another forced romance (this time on poor Cole, just leave my mans ALONE) but thankfully didn’t follow through this time, introduced cool new powers that honestly hasn’t been elaborated on since that’s the most recent season I think lmao

Anyway thanks for reading and letting me rant!!!! I have,,So Much More I could talk about, PLEASE ask me about Rumi, some of my headcanons re: Garmadon and Wu’s dynamic, the Serpentine, my top five times they butchered Kai’s character for Plot Reasons, or anything else I brought up here that you want me to elaborate on!!!

[beabaseball]

2, 23, and 29?

2. Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

I think any trope I have ever wanted to try I immediately threw myself into so I can’t really think of any rn? But a trope I want to be able to do at ALL is maybe someone who just. is a dick because they’re a dick. just like. maleficent level “ok but what if i’m just evil” because so far i can physically not manifest that

23. If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why?

So I am still banning the h3+@l!a word from my presence, but like… Angel got a lot of people excited and it was a relatively good experience for me I guess. I really wish I could separate that fandom from the person who introduced me to it, bc ultimately I just kinda remade the archetypes however the fuck I wanted, except for Ar+4ur K!rk1@nd , who is a) apparently angel’s main character and b) was never in charge by me. That entire character was the other person and I was just writing a story around a suicidal character who I …. did not actually feel would be that suidical, and who was mostly a projection of my then-friend. So the main character I had no control over. In any of the stories I wrote.

Shockingly, you’ll see God in the Mountain is the only of that fandom’s stories I actually still like and would consider finishing, if it wouldn’t drag me back into that circle. But that one i’m HAPPY with, and so I wouldn’t rewrite from scratch. I don’t like writing things I wouldn’t be proud of later.

So generally I just….. don’t. But h3+@l!a stuff I only had half an option with most of the time, and so a lot of it that I’m upset about was barely even my decision.

But Angel, i’m still getting reviews on from people who liked it. So i guess if I had to redo something, it would be that abomination. The only chapters I’m proud of are the OC chapters where that character is only mentioned (and treated with aggravation and disdain by his family) . a lot of the time it feels like i just barely wrote the fic because the main ass character had 0 agency the entire time.

So I guess if I could, I would go back and rewrite Angel with a main character who was an asshole and wanted to leave for selfish reasons, instead of a dead weight of a plot device who could’ve easily been replaced with a mildly functioning lamp post.

29. If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

i spent an hour going through my ao3 bookmarks and have concluded i’m less about sequels and more about Give Me More of Those Types of Fics but past!me from five years ago does have a say in things so

https://archiveofourown.org/works/636529

[theclaravoyant]

tequilaasquared said: Yeah it was the Daisy stuff that hurt me the most. I’m very wary of storylines that basically exploit delusions, hallucinations and psychotic breaks for the sake of ‘drama’ and excusing a character for doing bad things. I’m not holding out hope that it doesn’t turn out to be a complete ableist mess but hopefully it’s dealt with somewhat satisfactory for everyone. There has to be something more.

agentofserenity said: I’m agreeing with @tequilaasquared on this

-

Yes, omg, there is HUGE potential for this to turn into a horrifically ableist mess and I’m really nervous about that. There’s a difference between creating a flawed character, creating a character with mental illness issues, and creating a character with an alternate personality who is evil and abusive!! They’re walking in a minefield here, tying themselves in knots that it’s going to be incredibly hard to undo in a respectful way. From where I’m sitting at the moment, they either assassinate Fitz’s character, use his disability for shock and trauma, or some horrific combination of both. Fingers crossed they find the skinny golden path of truth somewhere in there and do my boy (and Daisy, who he put through the forking ringer this ep) right.

-

lapiccolina said: I agree with you. They have to be going somewhere with this. Because it is what happened with Daisy that bothers me the MOST. So they HAVE to fix that. And hopefully next week, cuz I do believe I see her quaking Fitz, is the start of the fixing.

-

I’m also concerned about that, because that’s where it gets into character assassination territory for me - they’re having Daisy fight with a Fitz who would never really have done those things, but he did, and then they had him say that he still thinks it was the right thing, which to me is kind of, irredeemable really? I mean, it was so brutal and violating! There’s no way ‘my’ Fitz would believe something that correct would ever be the right thing! And yet they have a history of sort of waving at these two and going “oh yeah they made up it’s fine” when it’s like……. literally the opposite of that.

I mean, the fact that they even picked Daisy to do something to, that they went in this direction, does tell me that they’re making more complex choices than I would initially expect (which would have been more about Jemma) so I do have a little hope left, but… Fitz is one of my favourite characters in the world right now and I feel like they’re ruining him by turning his “flaws” into straight-up abuse and I’m not sure how they can resolve this. Maybe they can. Maybe this is really the darkest timeline and Our Fitz is waiting somewhere further down the road to come back to this time and make something different, but I’m feeling a bit low on trust right now. It’s going to break my heart, and not in a good “holy shit my feels” kinda way, if this is how my favourite brotp dies. 

(and that includes if they handwave the makeup. this is too far now, too much serious shit has happened between them. I need gritty, gut-wrenching, painful resolution. I need them to work for it. I wish I could wave the last ten or so minutes of this episode away and fix it but I can’t, except in fic, which don’t get me wrong I will ABSOLUTELY do, but I’m gonna keep a close eye on how they get themselves out of this one. it could be INCREDIBLE and MIND BLOWING but I’ve said that a few times now, so…. they’ve never been on thinner ice in my books tbh. which is unfortunate bc there are/were such great things they could do with this! I’m still hanging in, but there’s gonna be a lot of fic and healthy servings of denial involved, that’s for sure.)

[thegeminisage]

zelda blogging which is so deeply super spoilery, possible the most spoilery it’s ever been, so if you haven’t THOROUGHLY explored the central-north part of the map DON’T read it

aww some of these gerudo wear glasses! love it

i like the music here too but i kinda wish it had been the same melody from oot ; ;

omg riju is tiny!!! is she still young?!

aww her relationship with buliara is sweet they obviously care about each other a lot

AAAAAH THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT MY SWORD lmao maybe i should have gone to get it after all

oh my god a sand seal that gives you words of wisdom for food

ooh i get a free accessory for giving this lady some flint...hmMmMMmMMmmm

topaz i guess bc i'll probs need lightning protection soon? but no, i'm getting a helm...

haha sapphire to go with link's eyes?

ruby bc the flame armor is the ugliest and i wanna wear something else? LOL

went with sapphire iin the end MAY I NOT REGRET IT...

ooooh i shoulda been saving my gems....Dang

i mean, at least i have the 10k i need for the great fairy, but there's so much cool stuff here and i can't bUY ANY...

ah no i did get some opal and amber earrings :3

swim speed up and the ithers are just extra defense

"apparently the accessory maker and the teacher of the relationship class were both in a tragic love triangle, and now they are both single" nintendo this is an all women society please give me lesbians i BEG of you

ok, i need 1 ruby and 5 topaz to finish buying one of everything here. i'll remember

hahahahaha "you've gotta take your time when selecting gems and voe" wise words, lady

omg i found a bar but im too young to drink. nice, nintendo

lmao you can tell one of the ladies you're over 100 and she doesn't believe you dxkfjhg

ok so the hideout of the yiga clan is apparently to the northwest of here so i get to RIDE A SAND SEAL or surf behind one i guess. tbh im a little worried i'll break all my shields :/

i got a gerudo one that i really like!! goes with my scimitar and golden bow!

aww can i not wear accessories along with normal armor...? that sucks

LOL SEAL PUNS the options when talking to the sand seal lady are full of em im dying

wow i can't get this shrine unless i wind sand seal races which i can't do with the divine beast out LOL

jesus those sandstorms look so huge and terrifying...especially since i know they'll disable my map

i wanna explore but tbh i better just stick to the plot and away from those bad boys

oh JESUS i went to an outpost where they're monitoring the beast and it's. so big. and so loud and big and. so scary. oh my god, it's huge

oh FUCK i got too close and it started targeting me so i ran away and thankfully it stopped...definitely gonna take it easy on the exploration if i can help it

oooh no no no why is the air turning green out here...dnw dnw leave me and my map alone!!

uh, and where is my fucking seal...? i left it right HERE

ugh i had trouble mounting the one from before when i stayed in the monitoring outpost do they like leave if you stay gone a long time...? fml

awww this old gerudo never found the lovers pond ):

ugh i see so much stuff i wanna check out but im too scared to get off the seal for long :/ ESPECIALLY if i get stuck in a storm i'll want a way out

oh wow the air is so hot here even my gerudo outfit is useless

tbh, maybe that's a good thing, if i'm eating food i can wear armor with actual defense...much as i love these clothes they're great for getting your ass kicked

ok no seriously WHY does everyone from the yiga clan drop bananas..............

i know that everyone talks about how cool it is that this game just plops you down in the world and lets you figure it out for yourself without hitting you over the head with the instructions

but i just found a bow and some torches in a circle of lit torches with some obviously flammable banners nearby, so

i found the missing gerudo soldier!

"all i've ever seen them do is patrol and eat[in red text] bananas" LMAO WHATS THE DEAL MY DUDES

theres some bananas here on a table wtf do i do throw them at them?? lmao

OMFG LOL IT WORKED

dude pranced right over to it and pocketed it lmao

nooo i missed a chest...maybe i can get it on the way back out ;_;

LOL I FOUND AN ENTIRE ROOM FULL OF BANANAS

this is so funny dkjfgh fck

urgh i wish i could just...snipe them from here. it'd be so EASY

im actually not even totally sure which direction to go, im all turned around

ok, one stationary guy at the door maybe i have to move him?

NOOO I FUCKING FELL THEY SAW ME

i couldn't even fight they one-shotted me and mipha's grace didn't kick in! that isn't fair at all

at least i can get the chest i missed

lol and i cant save in here. perfect.

ok yeah im gonna have to look it up bc as far as i can tell this room has no exit all the hallways just circle back around into it

apparently i CAN fight them...? they're just really hard?

this walkthru is so unclear lol there's a hidden door i can find with magnesis on the right-hand wall WHICH RIGHT...

WAIT fuck i finally see the exit

ah ok. wrong room for the hidden door.

master kohga!! he just...knocked himself out with his own attack. lmao ok

fuck this is SO FUNNY he is so funny

i love it even his bones cracked

isn't what he used to be, apparently

wow this is a boring fight he has a lot of hp and he's so far away the only way i can attack is arrows

and now arrows aren't working anymore...? obviously i'm doing something wrong

maybe i can reflect the rocks back at him

ok google says to drop his things on his head

HAHAHA HIS SPECIAL ATTACK FAILED

this undertale naruto motherfucker im crying i love him

"pretty soon you'll be gone! and not just from my line of sight!" i'm CRYING

fuck the ball rolled on top of him and made him fall

"COWARD! I SHALL BE REMEMBERED!!!"

what a fucking legend i'll never forget you master kohga i promise

aaaand thunder helm retrieved

but i gotta rescue that missing gerudo!

ah good her cell is empty!

lol im skipping sooo many shrines rn...i'll come back to them later i swear

oh NOOOO i got a memory!!!

urbosa the prankster!!! witht he power of lightning at her disposal!! protective of princess zelda!! i'm dying!!!

also im sad so zelda's sealing power mjst be what she used to seal ganon away but apparently in the past she couldn't make it show up for her whole life...?

aw no poor riju the helmet is too big on her

(give it to meeeee)

ok it's time for the divine beast bit but before i do jack or shit im going to upgrade my armor as much as possible rn

ugh you can't enhance the gerudo clothes...geez

FUCK YES HERE WE GO!

aaah riju is talking!!! i always get so surprised!!!

i did it!! tbh i had a really hard time keeping up with her...a dash was too fast but regular speed was too slow

AAH URBOSA IS TALKING TO ME ;_;

ohhh wow it's really walking around while on it

oh man. it's so big. it's so big

oooh you rotate the insides of this one!!

i get the feeling now i should've done more shrines in this area afterall, they have the same sort of electricity theme and they would've been good practice 

okay that was...easily the hardest beast so far

i had to use a guide TWICE and i could barely understand the instructions, PLUS i got two terminals by sheer dumb luck

oooh boy okay a lightning boss im assuming here we gooooo

LMFAO i suck so much at this urbosa was like "there is valor in dodging"

thanks zelda i missed your captain obvious statements

geeeeez i just barely got it

oh EW that never gets any less gross

ohhh my god

"I COULDN'T BE MORE PROUD OF HER" B Y E

oh my gOD?

she mentioned nabooru from oot BY NAME holy SHIT this continutity between games!!!

and "calamity ganon once took on the form of a gerudo that makes this all the more personal" jesus fUCKING christ

i feel so bad for ganondorf the man like

he didn't ask for this shit anymore than link or zelda

and at least they get to win most of the time he always loses and even when he does win he's hated, his win brings ruin

where's the fic where the only way to end the cycle is to become friends with him huh

or like, frankly: the true enemy isn't ganondorf but the evil that takes hold of him

when does he get to be the hero and fight it and smash it to little bitty bits!

oh lord and the blood moon as soon as i get back

do people like, see these towers popping up and beasts moving around? does it scare the shit out of them or make them hopeful?

anyway i hope now i can explore with less sandstorms

oh boy time to ride into a sandstorm gee i sure hope i dont get lost

LOL and first thing i run right into a camp of enemies just bc i was trying to stay in a straight line!!!! jesus

lovely! i am now hopelessly turned around in a sandstorm. i literally don't even know which way i came from

my sand seal is also STUCK lol

ah i passed through it! i'm right where i need to go!

omg I FOUND THE LAST GREAT FAIRY

i'm. i'm 500 short. oh my god

nothing i can't earn with 10 minutes of cooking, tho

huh...? she only asked for 1k...?

i could've SWORN i read someone asks for 10k at one point!

god what if i've been MISINFORMED all this TIME

ooh this one is orange and green

FUCK "i know what you're thinking...can't we just skip to the part where she enhances my clothes?" FUCKING PLAYED

holy FUCK just found my first molduga...i have to KILL one of these for a quest? jesus christ!

ohhh that actually wasn't too bad at all once i figured out the strategy...i've had more trouble with lynels and hinoxes

i'll be honest, the interactive map take a bit of both fun and "work" out of exploring...i look at empty areas and don't wonder "ooh whats over there" but think "ah i can just glance at that bit"

which should make me feel like my Pure Enjoyment of the game is being compromised, and i guess it does a little, but

i wasn't kidding when i said the need to explore was a bit compulsive so it's mostly a relief

ah from up here i see the sandstorm...i think it rotates around the desert? so, it's very possible to avoid and survive even if you do get stuck

anyway i missed several shrines but the quests for them are so complex and i am so Sick

of the desert. even worse than rain tbh

now the question is what to do next: master sword or rito beast

lowkey wanna wait until i get all four beasts before the sword, but

i know you do all four beasts and then ganon and that's it, so if i got the sword then it wouldn't help me for long

plus i'm a little tired of fighting the temperature and changing gear/eating food all the time, so......i guess i'll go check out the forest

maybe i'll see dinaal! i've only seen him once from veeeery very far away

im getting aaaaawfully close to hyrule castle i Dont Like This

lmao every time i catch sight of the divine beasts in the distance, the fact that i can SEE them from THIS far away, blows my fucking mine

they are SO BIG

im getting a much closer look at that flying thing and i'm almost CERTAIN it's a divine beast

just. jesus christ. so BIG

ohhh my gosh i can see the giant pink tree from here *_*

or maybe it's brown, maybe the deku tree is dead lmao

lol straight up skipped the bottomless bog and the enemies at the bottom bc i glided in from death mountain

whoa this tower has rock all over the top??

ah maybe it's so i can't glide to the big tree in the middle lol

not the lost woods if i don't get lost!

lol jk i got on top of it and there was a super cool sword here

aww rauru hillside...im sad

BRO im in the lost woods but its just playing the maze shrine music, i was so hopeful for saria's song

zora's domain having the same music set me up with false expectations t b h

omg if i go too high i die!! i can't follow my higher-ground instict here!!!!!

which is pretty cool but if all i have to do is wander around these woods with my map ON to find the master sword i am gonna be disappointed

even gerudo desert turned it off sometimes

ohhh okay if i wander off the path i also die i can't just go wherever i gotta follow torches i guess

mkay i googled it bc i got stuck and couldn't see anymore torches and it's wind direction! neat

see i feel a little bad about not figuring that out for myself but like...it's not Fun to die over and over bc you can't solve a puzzle. so #realgamers can shut the hell up lol games are for fun

the ember thing is SUPER clever tho and like i know this game is so like, praised bc it stops holding your hand, but i would have appreciated a TINY obscure hint

i did get as far as carrying a torch but i thought maybe i was burning off the fog or smth

omg i found korok forest!!!

oh

there's my sword

said "oh" out loud

kinda wish the quest had been more, idk

but.

mmm not yet. not yet. i'll talk to some koroks first

haha and the very first one tells me to go get the sword all right all right

man. i always remember now that fi's been in there since the ages of skyward sword, sleeping

tbh i kinda miss her 

even though she's way more annoying than navi could ever DREAM of being

for all we complain about compaions, they're a zelda staple and it feels lonely without them

i know not having one makes for a stronger game, i do, but...

really though. the master sword quest was SHOCKINGLY easy. i know i looked up the ember thing but geez it's the first truly disappointing this about this game

and my brother told me they made you work for it lmao but that was. not even close to Work. i've had more trouble at bokoblin camps

like. fucking weak. tbh. i'm so sad like i can't believe this game let me down

OH MY GOD

I TRIED TO TOUCH IT AND THE MEMORIES OVERWHELMED ME

and like at first i was like "ok if link gets his memories back with the sword i'll give them that, that's pretty sick"

AND THEN THE GREAT DEKU TREE STARTED SPEAKING

AND IT WASN'T LOST WOODS MUSIC BUT IT WAS FOREST HAVEN MUSIC

and i straight up burst into tears

"i have watched over hyrule since time immemorial" i know i know i was there i know i missed him so much one of the very first major zelda characters i ever knew i know technically he hasn't been there since the very beginning but he was my beginning

and i didn't even think i cared about him that much emotionally but i also welled up the first time he spoke old hylian in wind waker

oh god link's not WORTHY of the sword yet yes okay i'm here for this i knew this game wouldn't let me down

idk why i never considered the big pink tree might be the deku tree like i joked about it just a few minutes ago but i didn't seriously consider it so i was so surprised

and all the koroks running around and i know i KNOW they used to be kokiri it's almost like i came home, Really Home, the forest was where link began for me, not hyrule proper, he was always a child of these woods

ohhh my god i gotta mop up my face stream is soon!! jesus fuck

oh god now he wants me to pull it again

what if i'm not worthy? what if i am?

i don't have long left to play but i CANNOT leave it here, jesus christ

okay. i'm gonna try. i gotta try. courage!

oh my god it takes your LIFE?

and he said enough when i was down to my last quarter of a heart!! i'm gonna cry i was so close link tried so hard but he wasn't ready yet

i could eat food to max out my hearts but where's the fun in that........

ok. ok. i need to. step back a moment. fuck.

there's hestu! oh my god buddy you finally made it home!! me too pal me too

im gonna save and quit here before i talk to him tho bc like. i gotta stream. but Wow. god Damn

I KNEW THIS GAME WOULDN'T LET ME DOWN!!!!

LMAO I LIED JK im playing a bit more after stream

i talked to the trial korok and "do all the shrines here, it's based on the trials the legendary hero himself did" im crying!!! thats some History!!!

oh my god the koroks are so CUTE??

oh no this is so precious they've been waiting for him

sdfgsfdg "nooo vegetarians everywhere nooo that's my face" i wish i had thought to taka e a snap of that but i cant get him to say it again

aw omg they set up little stores and they only have one of many items please please i'm so proud of them

they set up a little bed for me!! they don't even want my money to sleep there!! i'm sleeping in a tree again, just like i was in oot ;____;

tbh it's so fitting that i did the scary mysterious thing of trying to pull the sword at night and i'm meeting the koroks in the brightness of day

i saw a shield resting on this rock and i had a tiny heart attack like OMG THE HYLIAN SHIELD?!?

ok. ok. i did the trials. i'm gonna see if i can get the sword now??

lol i have the same amt of hearts im not leaving to find a goddess statue and i was trying to boost my stamina anyway but maybe the food boost will help? unless they dont let me use it, we'll see

aaah no it DOESN'T omg

well, maybe one more heart container will do it...?

ugh i don't wanna go back and do the desert ones

me: already fast-traveling

Great, A Sand Storm, Just What I Wanted

fuck i stopped by town and there's a secret club that sells gerudo clothes for men

LOL why.........do they think dudes will feel weird looking pretty? come on

they said there's a high demand so i choose to believe there are lots of gerudo transmen. anyway back to the forest i got two more heart containers i pray it's enough i was SO CLOSE before

I DID IT FUCK I ALMOST DIED BUT I DID IT

IM GONNA CRY JESUS CHRIST

ZELDA SEALED THE SWORD

she's been fighting 100 years and she has so much faith in link

more importantly she heard the sword speak to her im crying fi is in there fi and zelda/hylia meet again

her smile is like the sun, i would do much to feel its warmth upon me again ME TOO PAL im weeping my poor brave daughter i promise i'll save her i promise i promise

it's almost 7am but that was worth it. that was W O R T H I T

[johnisthewarlus]

sh!tting on a cornflake part 12

ringo: yay we finally have a new manager. i look at everyone’s faces and everyone’s cheering... except john. he looks very focused. his nose twitches. “jon wats wrong” i ask. “i sense something...” he says “are there supposed to be men with guns here?” “yes dumbass those are the military men here to protect us” pal scoffs. “why aren’t they in military clothes then” joan asks. i look around but at that moment, a million deafening gunshots go off into the roof of the building. the bullet holes form a new constellation on the ceiling. everyone in the building shrieks and runs. the men with the guns close in and cock their guns. “we were sent by Mark” they say “he said he was in love with fake cynth and now he wants us to kill you.” george martin curses under his breath. we’re all shaky and sweaty. i puff my chest out. “you guys can cock your guns but i can cock my cock” i say. they all say wtf and turn their heads. then i grab my little richard (that’s wat i call it) and pull back. “get back” i tell me freinds. then i spin in a circle with me cock rapid firing and i shoot all the bad guys in 2 seconds. there are like 30 of them. they’re all either slowly dying or already ded. i spot one of them and reckognize him. it’s Mark, the janitor from before. we run over and i stare at him. “you’re the worst human being ever to exist” i tell him in my deepest voice. “wat about hitler and like 100 other horrible rulers” he asks weakly as he dies. “ok them and then you” i say “never kill a beatle.” i spit in his eye and step on his face like Trevor in GTA till his brains squeeze out. jonh, pul, garge, and george martin get out of their shock trances and run over. “don’t you think that was a bit gruesome” pool says. “never kill a bloody beatle” i tell him. he nods and we all spit on Mark David Chapman some more. then we leave Grand Central. “well we’re in NYC” joon points out “we should do some stuff”.

george: we all nod in agreement. “won’t everyone recognize you tho” george martin says “as your manager it’s my job to protect you.” he takes us to a barber shop nearby and we bleach our hair. blonde beatles :) then we start the fun. first we go to the top of the empire state building, which used to be the tallest building in the world or IS the tallest building in the world, depending on when we’re pretending this takes place. sometimes this takes place in the 2000s, but we should be good for now since the twin towers weren’t built till 1970. #historylesson. anyway we go to the top and george martin is like “hey jawn isn’t the top supposed to be that observation deck down there?” and jon is like “that’s nonsense, the tip of the pointy thing is the top of course”. “i mean... he’s technically right y’know” pauuul says. joen smiles at pol and they kiss (there’s your mclennon fan fic of the day) sorry i keep breaking the fourth wall. anyway it gets kind of cold so high up and we start losing oxygen so we all put on our jet packs and fly away. we fly up the nose of the statue of liberty. “haha i’m a booger” i say as i fly up. we land and throw our jet packs out the nose. “ahh a jet pack landed on my baby” i hear a shriek from outside. we all make faces like 👀 and continue walking up the statue. we reach the top of her crown. do you know who’s sitting on a chair across the crown? oh my hare krishna!

john: “albert einstein?!” i say. the man in the chair turns around and his hair is like woah. he says some stuff but it sounds like gibberish. “why’s he saying fake words” i ask. “that’s german you dingus” gorge says, slapping the back of my head. then he walks up to Albert and starts speaking fluent german. we all walk closer too. “oh lol i can speak american” albert says. “we don’t speak american; we speak British” paal says. “oh ok” says Albert “‘Ello gov’na pip pip cheerio”. Pul punches him in the face and he blacks out. george martin gives us a bunch of balloons and we head out like the old guy in Up. we’re on our way to my future apartment building, the Dakota, when a bunch of our balloons pop. we start falling and we’re only at 65th street. i look down as we fal and see a bunch of people in hoods shooting little pointy things at us from slingshots. we land on our butts and the hooded people surround us. “not again” i sigh. “no we’re not Mark’s men” one of them says in a very high voice. her robe is a different colour so i assume she’s the leader. she slowly pulls her hood down, revealing my wife, yolk! “hi jonny i was just wondering if you five wood like to join my cult” she says. “george martin should we” i ask. george martin asks her wat the cult is. “oh we just go back in time and kill the ancestors of bad guys” she says “and there’s taco tuesday of course.” “wat bad guy would we need to kill the ancestors of?” i ask.

george martin: at that moment, a bullet shoots thru jahn. we all look up and see Mark from before, but his face is flat and has Ringo’s shoe prints on it. the cult shoots a bunch of the pointy things at him and he officially dies. but jon is ded! “wat do we do” i ask, panicking. i’ve already screwed up and i’ve only been manager for a few hours. “i think you know wat we have to do” yok says. she hands us all robes and we all yodel until we reach the year 1278 bc (or bce if you’re one of those people who uses the new acronyms). “we’re far back enough that we only have to kill one person so that mark never exists.” “why can’t we just go back in time and kill him before he does any bad y’know?” pal asks. “because there’s a special gene that passes down the bloodline and it makes people evil so even if marks not alive, he could have a sibling or cousin or something” yoko says “this guy was born with the evil gene in him.” we all nod like it’s normal to know that and pull a bunch of rifles out our buttholes. the guy is eating dinner with a friend. he looks at us. “wtf are those” he says. “guns stoopid” i say. we all shoot him. “i kinda feel guilty” rinchy says. “don’t feel guilty, he was a horrible boyfriend” the guy eating dinner with him says. we all jump and spin like sims changing clothes and we’re back in the 60s... but it doesn’t look like liverpool or new york or australia or mars. “where are we” pall asks. yoko tells us “we’re back in the USSR.”

ringo: hi reader stick around for. Our wacky adventure in the USSR in the next part peace and love ✌️☮️🥦😎🌟🌺🌷🍁🐻