#i feel a little guilty adding my self indulgent art to main tags but you know what

[frecklystars]

🌟

[ceallachs]

thank you.

This announcement is a little overdue, but I’ve gained over 1k followers on this blog! 🥳🥳🥳

I actually passed this milestone a while ago. Life has just been getting to me with so much to do that I can only manage a couple of drawings at a time. So I don’t have anything special other than my heartfelt thanks and some words. Under this post, I address a lot of things in regards to my art journey, fandoms, future plans with BakuTodo, and a lot of it is about AkaKuro.

So if you are interested, please read on. If you’re here just to check my art, thank you. Thank you for taking the time to let my work be part of your day and for your support. ^^

.

I know I was mostly only posting KnB/AkaKuro stuff until only a couple months ago, so the change from KnB to BNHA was pretty drastic and nerve-racking. I’ve been thinking of making the move as early as December 2019, but I hesitated for the longest time. As someone who has built their fandom “identity” around AkaKuro and KnB, making that move to another fandom, to another OTP even, may have come as a surprise to a lot of my old followers and friends. I do not keep track of every individual followers I get; surely some have left, or maybe some still stick around to see if I will get back to AkaKuro again, one day.

Interests are fleeting and people change constantly. In a time where people always jump onto the next big thing to another in a short span of time, I can say that I have a pretty good streak of committing to my main fandoms. My first online fandom lasted for seven years. The next was KnB, and this one lasted for nine years.

I was a teenager when I joined the KnB fandom and now I’m in my 20s. I still love AkaKuro with all my heart; it will always be a big part of who I am, but I have to admit at some point where I am now in life, and I will say I have already moved on.

This is an excerpt from my Twitter that I thought I should also address here because it sums up everything I’ve wanted to say. I’ve made some major tweaks and edits and added more things to properly articulate my feelings about the matter. I hope it is understandable enough.

It started in November.

In the first few months of dabbling with BakuTodo, I was very, very scared. I was worried because I was such a prominent person for the AkaKuro fandom; I hosted and held events for years, I stayed "active" for AkaKuro even five years after KnB had ended. I wrote fics, drew stuff, promoted every AkaKuro thing I can even when all my AkaKuro friends have moved on. I have so much AkaKuro merch and doujins because it had taken over my life that prominently. 

So after all of that, I didn't know what would happen with a change because I felt like I was already in too deep to move on now. I wasn't sure if I could (should) like anything else, or if I was even allowed to like something else as deeply as AkaKuro without letting people down.

Eventually I just gave in three months later and became more vocal about this new interest. I lost followers which was expected, even those whose handles that became very familiar to me because they actively interacted with me about AkaKuro and KnB before. It stung but not as badly as I thought it would. The change was nice; I felt free.

I think it's only now that I've become comfortable to admit all this in public. To admit my worries, to admit that I've liked a ship more than AkaKuro for a while, to admit that the weight of AkaKuro being prominently tied to my name like an identity has become too heavy a burden to bear. I still do love AkaKuro, it's a part of my life that will never change, I think. But it's also not my main source of happiness nor inspiration anymore, and I hope that, it's okay for me to feel that way now that I've said it out loud.

It's strange to explain, but I think it's because I've dedicated a huge chunk of my life to AkaKuro that I think I've already exhausted all I have to give for it. Nine years of being solely dedicated to one ship is a long time, you have to admit. It's not like my other ships that are more casual, so that burst of excitement will always be present when it gets brought up once in a while. With AkaKuro, my feelings for it have significantly mellowed down, like a precious memory now tucked away in a special place in my heart.

A friend told me that it's okay to move on, and that somewhere down the line AkaKuro will become something I'll look back on fondly even though bittersweet. I have no doubts that'll be the case. But it's also nice to finally just be honest and set myself free.

I've also been feeling very guilty of promising an AkaKuro zine last December and now... it is just the last thing on my mind. I have so much more I want to do that is no longer about AkaKuro, and I shouldn’t force myself to do this zine out of obligation. But if ever someone else were to host an AkaKuro zine, I will support it and even participate if the timing is right.

About my future plans, I don’t think I will be drawing KnB again out of leisure (maybe for commissions, or projects, etc). I still have a lot of unfinished and unreleased KnB fanmerch though (an AkaKuro yukata standee and Carnival AkaKuro standee, and maybe a re-release of some old charms for the last time), so that may be the last of my contribution to this ship out of my own volition for a while. It would be a waste to scrap them.

Right now, all my love and inspiration for anything creative and self-indulgent is being driven by BakuTodo and it’s the best feeling I’ve had in a long time. I want to draw more about them; I have long list of ideas I’m excited to get into. Not only that, my love for writing was reawakened too, and I hope to also post fics about them along with my art.

I still love AkaKuro, and people can still talk to me about AkaKuro, but it is definitely not my priority ship anymore. Who knows if I'll come back to it again, but for right now, I hope everyone will be okay with the change. And if not, that's okay too and I expected it, I also put this out here to give the go signal if anyone wants to unfollow or not. I know there are people who only follow for specific content, and I've come to terms with myself to be okay with this happening with me.

Just know I'm happy where I am. I'm grateful to friends and acquaintances who still stick around to support me even after this, and I also understand if some don’t. I hope those who leave will find another content creator to cater to their needs. Thanks for giving me a chance. ^^

I hope this clears up the kind of content to be expected from me from now on. I will never forget my time in the KnB fandom because this is where it all started for me. I will also be slowly getting rid of more AkaKuro doujins, fanmerch, and official merch collection once the lockdown situation eases up. Hopefully someone else will find homes for them.

Tumblr is not my main social media but I still do like the format of blogging here, so I stay to cross-post my art from Twitter and Instagram. 

From exclusively drawing cheebs, I’m now also drawing non-cheebs and I’m having a lot of fun. My art is far from perfect and that’s okay. As someone who gave up on art for nine years, being able to do it again now, sharing and posting my art and actually be happy about it is more than enough for me. I’m not striving for perfection, I know where my level is at. Drawing and writing are both hobbies I hold dear -- a creative outlet for me to express my love for what I’m currently passionate about and what makes me happy. I really appreciate it if you stay with me for this ride because I know I’ve come a long way these past 2-3 years.

To anyone who views my art, likes and reblogs, leaves nice comments and all, I hope you know that I appreciate you a lot. I rarely get messages on here, but I do read tags on my posts often, and going through them always puts a smile on my face to know that I have an audience here who genuinely likes what I do.

There isn’t much more for me to say here so I think that will be all. Again, thank you for 1k+ followers! If I can make even just a single person happy with my art, whether you’re new here or just dropping by or have been following me for a long time, I’ll be content. And if I can make someone like BakuTodo too through how I portray them, that’d be even more amazing. ^^

Until next time. 💖

[hookaroo]

Vocivore, Ltd. (23 of 40?)

Also on FFN and AO3 (ListerofTardis)

Tagging @ouatwinterwhump, @killian-whump, @sancocnutclub, @killianjonesownsmyheart1, and @courtorderedcake <3

***THE MOST WONDERFUL COVER ART BY @cocohook38 HERE!!!!!******

***Chapter 12 animation and art that will absolutely astound you!!!**********

***LETHAL Chapter 19 art in all of its BLOODSTAINED GLORY!!!!************

***AAAAHHHH!!! THANK YOU MY WONDERFUL COCONUT FRIEND!!!!!!***

DID YOU SEE THE ART FROM YESTERDAY?????????!!!!!!!!!!!! (HINT HINT It is the PERFECT visual for this chapter!!!!!!!) COCOHOOK38 IS THE BEST!!!!!!!

Present (Friday, continued)…

“Bloody hell.”

Fidgeting with the stack of useless scouting photos on the dining room table, Detective Jones did not seem inclined to elaborate, so Emma could only sigh in agreement.

“Yeah.”

A moment later, Jones added,

“Stark raving mad, the both of you.”

“So do you understand a little better now? We had a chance, and had to take it.”

“Because the two of you are thought to be immune.”

“Or at least better protected.”

“And he couldn’t just kill the bastard on the first day because of a lack of weapons.”

“That, and Rumplestiltskin thought that, at close range, the monster might still be able to sense murderous intent even with our immunity.”

Jones remained silent for a long time, studying Emma’s face, though he seemed very far away. Feeling the need to justify their deception, Emma said,

“Do you see, now, why it had to be a secret? We weren’t sure how far the Vocivore’s emotion-sensing abilities extended, and now that we know for sure he’s watching on the security cameras, it’s even more important that people believe Killian is firmly under his control.”

“Hold on, back up a tick; what was that about security cameras?”

Emma grimaced. “Apparently, the Vocivore is watching us through security cameras; possibly even hacking into webcams. Oh, and his slaves’ collars have one as well. That’s why Killian had to… you know…”

She waved vaguely toward his chest. He raised an eyebrow and she made a face.

“He feels really bad about that. So do I.”

“Then you did speak with him? The other day, at the hospital?”

Emma squirmed in her seat, nodding. “Sorry.”

Jones sighed in resignation. “I suppose it’s safe to assume he had help in his escape?”

“Guilty. Don’t look at me like that. We have a plan that we think will work. I wouldn’t have let him go otherwise.”

“Care to fill me in on the details? And what makes you feel as if he’s not planning to come back?”

At her hesitation, he leaned forward and placed both hands on the table. “I’m a part of this now, Emma. Your ally. Maybe I can help. But you’ve got to tell me all of it.”

The relief of finally having a confidant, coupled with all of the exact expressions and mannerisms of her endangered husband, caused tears to leak from her eyes. She wiped them viciously away.

“Yeah, you’re right.” She sniffed. “Sorry. It’s just been hard, facing all this alone. And I’ve gotten used to the hiding. But if we had to trust someone with it, I’m glad it’s going to be you.”

Jones responded with a sad smile. She drew a huge breath.

“So. The rest of the story… and the plan.”

5 weeks ago, continued...

The blasted portal spat Killian out, not in the alleyway closest the sheriff station, as intended, but several blocks beyond that. He cursed quietly and staggered to his feet, hand pressed tightly to the wound in his side. Damn that Crocodile; Killian couldn’t imagine what he’d have to gain by sabotaging the portal, but he wouldn’t put it past him anyway.

The trek to the sheriff station was grueling, made twice as long by the fact that he was trying to avoid being seen. To hell with Rumplestiltskin’s plan; Killian wanted Emma’s healing before they reported the kidnapping.

In the middle of the day, however, that proved to be a major challenge. By the time he’d rounded the corner that would take him to the station’s door, his shirt was soaked with blood, front and back. He could even smell it, sickeningly evocative. But the scent was not the main contributor to the wild spinning of his head as he lurched along the sidewalk, now in plain view, using his hooked arm to steady himself against the outer wall of the building. There were exclamations from blurred faces, some garbled words that could only be offers of help. Killian continued forward with a dazed sort of determination. Emma. He had to reach Emma. She would heal him, and then it wouldn’t matter that he had forgotten what had happened or what he needed to tell her…

His shoulder crashing into the door kept him upright long enough to fumble the knob open with fingers dyed crimson. Some onlookers had their phones to their ears, pointlessly tying up emergency lines: he’d be healed in just a few more seconds. Killian followed the swing of the door inside with just as much of a parabola to his path; his hook, wrapped around the handle, supported most of his weight.

Emma waited just inside. She had David with her. Bloody hell; that wasn’t good.

“Swan,” Killian croaked. His voice sounded strange in his own ears. Emma clawed at his hand, trying to see…

The sudden, white-hot bolt through his side somehow brought the plot back with surprising clarity. And the lump in his throat was not fully attributable to pain as he blurted the horrific lie to his father-in-law. His best friend.

“They’ve taken her,” he gritted out. The corners of the room were growing dark, as if the boiling clouds of a Dark Curse were rising from the four walls. “I’m so sorry. They’ve taken Hope.”

Perhaps it was a mercy that the ashes consumed him then, sparing him the sight of David’s very real reaction.

*****

Floor.

Pain.

David.

A kidnapping?

“Lie back, Killian; you’re hurt.”

Swan?

“...she can’t heal you…”

Shit.

Medics.

Lies.

Were they lies?

Reassurances. A promise. So much guilt.

Ambulance.

Hospital.

Bloody hell.

*****

Killian had been feigning sleep for the past half-hour. Emma was there, sounding dazed as she interacted on his behalf with various visitors and medical staff. In between the phone calls, of course. Guilt gnawed at him for leaving her to deal with the chaos alone, but he feared the blasted drugs coursing through his veins would cause him to say something that would give the game away. Although, if he was lucid enough for that to be a concern, perhaps he could trust himself not to say something he would regret.

He had been mostly awake for Dr. Whale’s report to Emma: the physician had sounded confident that Killian would make a full recovery, as long as he could avoid infection. Apparently, the Crocodile’s blade had done no damage to any vital organs. Not that Killian would ever thank him for his precision.

Since then, Emma had been dealing with concerned friends anxious to begin the hunt for the allegedly kidnapped Hope. Impressive, how she handled it all. It sounded as if she had sent people to their house to search, not yet having heard the agreed-upon story that Killian would tell. Those eager volunteers would find no clues there, but it would keep them occupied and seem plausible enough of an effort that, in a real scenario, Emma could feel justified in keeping Killian company until he “woke up.” So much deception already, and it was only fated to get worse.

Finally, enough of a period of silence convinced Killian that he and Emma were alone. He shifted carefully under the covers and peeled his eyes open. Emma got to her feet, wearing a relieved yet concerned expression. After confirming that they were truly unsupervised, Killian indulged in a weary sigh, winced, and smiled sheepishly at his wife.

“What the hell?” she hissed.

Killian scowled and was immediately reminded of the cuts and bruises decorating his face. “The bloody Dark One took it upon himself to provide you with a genuine shock. Believe me, being gutted was not part of the plan.”

Now at his side, Emma brushed some hair from his forehead. “Thought he was trying to change.”

“Apparently, justifying stabbing an old enemy as ‘for his own good’ is exempt from Dark One Rehabilitation.”

He stretched, grimaced, then asked,

“What the bloody hell is going on with your magic? Did I not hallucinate the part where David told me you've lost your healing abilities?”

Emma made a face. “Nope, not a dream. Sorry.”

“Bloody awful timing,” growled Killian. “The Vocivore, do you think?”

“I can't think of any other reason. Regina, too,” she added to forestall his possible next question. She continued to stroke his hair. "How long have you been awake?"

"Long enough to hear the majority of Whale's self-important speech."

"So you know he wants you to at least stay overnight."

"Aye," he sighed. "Sorry, love; I didn't intend for you to have to handle the tumult on your own."

She shrugged. "It may be better this way. Less chance for either of us to give something away. Speaking of which... it might be time to start spreading the story." She raised an eyebrow at him. "Assuming we're still going through with this..."

"No question." Somehow, he managed to sound more determined than he felt. "After all, we can't allow the Crocodile to stab me for naught. It may simply take a bit longer before I’m capable of…” Killian swallowed and forced himself to finish the thought. “...Facing the monster’s attentions."

A skeptical Emma gave him a once-over, taking in the gruesome state of his face as well as the thick bandage on his side that was apparent even under the blanket. "Maybe we can work something out with Rumplestiltskin; send you back through and make him heal you."

Killian nodded sullenly. "It would be the least of what he owes me. Though we then run the risk of exposing our plot to everyone. Monster included."

"Hmm. We'll have to think about that one." She leaned down and placed a gentle, careful kiss on his forehead. "Need anything?"

"No thank you, love. I'll likely just sleep."

She nodded. "That would be good. I'll tell people it's the drugs."

Emma made sure his call button was within reach, gave him one more tender caress, and headed for the door.

"Good luck," called Killian after her.

Time for more lies.