#i fear this exam may be the end of me BUT AT LEAST I HAVE NAGUZUKI

[eulaties]

For you bestie 🥰🥰

GIVING ME THE MOTIVATION TO KEEP GOING IKTR ‼️☝️

[kasagia]

Can you give us a little sneak peak for the next part

My twodear anonymous and @hanadays1234, thank you so much! 😊🖤🩵

Yes, I can. And since I wrote all my exams, I only focus on writing. 🖤🩵🖤🩵🖤🩵🖤🩵

Nope 🤭🙈 🩵🖤🖤🩵

24.05 Friday or 27.05 Monday. (I have nothing written except what I will give you right now)

Also, who binge watched Bridgerton season 3 and now get inspiration for the new series (for Feyd, I showed you once) instead on focus on the Right Hand? 🤡🙈

Anyway... sneak peak:

Feyd rarely felt pain he didn't like. The years spent on Giedi Prime—or rather, years of enduring his uncle's methods of making him a true Harkonnen, his worthy successor—made Feyd love pain. He found pleasure in it—something he had to learn if he wanted to survive.

But it didn't bring him any satisfaction or pleasure when you pierced his chest with one of his swords. He feels pure pain. Anger, betrayal, and hurt.

He hates the way he falls limply to his knees in front of you. He hates that he still looks at you like you're a saint. He hates that he hopes you'll at least look him in the eyes, as if that would bring him some kind of salvation. He hates how lost he feels now and how he's slowly losing awareness of his surroundings. He hates that even though you stabbed him, all he can do is stare at you, clinging to the sight of you more than to his life.

"This will be the beginning of a wonderful alliance, Lady Y/N."

He feels you unhook your poisoned dagger from his arm. Feyd thinks you're doing it to finish him off. Poetically kill him with the weapon he gave you. He closes his eyes and waits for the final stab or throat slit. But nothing like that happens. He doesn't have the strength to turn around and see exactly what you're doing, but your words alone are enough for him to imagine the scene that is happening behind him.

"I may not be a Harkonnen, but I've picked up a few of their habits. If you want an agreement between us, show me your hand." After your words, he can hear a hiss from Atreides when you plunge the dagger into your joined hands, piercing them both through.

Feyd would have laughed mockingly if he hadn't spent all his energy on breathing slowly. He remembered explaining to you how contracts, such as arranged marriages, were sealed on Giedi Prime. The Harkonnens shook hands and pierced them with swords, thus signing a blood pact. This also applied to marriages and other such things. Blood bound them stronger than any words or signatures on paper. He cursed himself for the fact that, seeing your scared face at his words, he withdrew from this idea and decided to make a verbal agreement between you. He should be the one to bind you with his blood, not Atreides.

The steel in his body rubs against his lower ribs, but it does not damage any major organs. He tries to keep the sword in the exact same position you stuck it in, but he feels like he's going to faint from all the pain, the blood, and the fear for you that he feels now.

You made him so weak that even after you stabbed him, all he could think about was your safety and your well-being. Every shaky breath he took, every slow beat of his heart as he fought to stay conscious—it was all for you.

He just hoped like hell that you weren't lying a few moments ago, that this would all turn out to be just one of your games, and that you would soon end Atreides' life. But it's not like that.

"Let this blood be a symbol of our union." Your sweet, dangerous whisper reaches Feyd's ears.

He's raging with powerlessness and anger. That Atreides dog didn't deserve to mix his blood with yours. Only Feyd should be able to do this. Only his black blood should merge with your crimson, staining your joined hands as you swore allegiance to each other. His heart hurts more than the wound you gave him as he imagine how you and this desert rat are now echanging each other's blood.

If he hadn't been placed in such a vulnerable state by you, he would have ripped Atreides' heart out with his bare hands for daring to mix his blood with yours. A cold shiver runs down his spine at the thought of Atreides connecting with you in yet another way. A way Feyd was robbed too many times.

He tries to get up, but he doesn't have enough strength. All he can do is place his hands on the floor, trying to take the weight off his torso. The blade scratching his flesh bothers him much less than the fact that Atreides has the nerve to touch you or that you're blatantly ignoring him while playing whatever game you're playing right now.

"Leave him to me. I want… to repay him for all these years of fulfilling his wishes."

(...)

[martialartslover7]

Anko awakens her Snake Sage Mode

Ever since Sasuke's departure from the village, one year had long since passed. And the former Anbu member, Anko Mitarashi, has ventured into the mountains to reach the feared and infamous Ryūchi Caves. Completely on her own, needing to complete her training, as she planned on unlocking the Snake Sage mode. On her own volition.

This decision came with many contributing factors.

For one, she blamed herself for Sasuke leaving in the first place, because she knew how her former teacher, Orochimaru, ticked. She knew him, almost TOO well. The warning signs were all over, especially after Itachi's return into his younger brother's life, and now, she bore the guilt of feeling as if she didn't do enough to help. Made even worse by how attached she has grown to the young Uchiha, especially during his rehab after the first rounds of the Chunin exams, while training with him, with Kakashi playing a big, supporting role, while she did her best to keep the Curse Mark in-check, even with the applied seal. Making her feel like she hadn't just lost another loved one, but a part of her soul with him, too. The irony of that last phrase still left her stunned, given how she and Sasuke had shared the exact same Curse Mark. It feels poetic, in a morbid way.

For another, she made a promise to Kakashi. A blood-driven vow, to be exact.

Having worked in the ranks of the Anbu for years, much like him, she is more than aware, of the pure, unfiltered misery of those, that had joined this organization, in hopes of embracing said misery to use it for the greater good... ...or at least, that's what they all told themselves.

In the end, she and the Hatake are one of the same breed: Tormented souls, haunted by the judgmental voices of those, who had wronged them, for things they had no control over.

Essentially, much like Kakashi, at one point, she had also taken a look, at least once, deep into the abyss, and worst of all, being more than aware, of him having not only lost his father to slander and public scrutiny, but also his best friend, the love of his life, and his sensei. And as such, Anko made him a promise, one that shall last for a lifetime:

...She will never leave his side. She will defeat Death himself.

And the only way to keep her end of the bargain, is to attain the Snake Sage mode. Which is exactly why she just arrived at the Ryūchi Caves, to prove herself worthy of such immense power.

Thick fog enveloped her, as she entered the tunnel, her eyes closed, feeling more than ready to outplay Death himself, by "following in her teacher's footsteps", except...

...she is not going to fail.

She thought to herself:

"This is it... If I succeed at the trials given to me, and survive the bite from the Snake Sage, then I should be golden... Heh, I can't fail now, can I? After all..."

She began caressing the Curse Mark on her neck, smirking to herself, by thinking:

"...just this once, my former teacher shall prove himself useful for SOMETHING. His DNA may give me the edge I need, to bust out of this joint with flying colors."

The first trial came up. And normally, Anko would be cracking jokes to ease the tension, but just this once, she couldn't afford to. This will become the ultimate test of all her abilities. And she knew these tasks will be relentless.

She could hear the White Snake Sage talking to her through the fog...

"Are you an intruder...? Or shall you prove yourself worthy of the trials, lying right ahead? One shall test your mind and body, one shall test your mental fortitude, and the last... shall be a test of faith... ...are you up for the challenge?"

This challenge caused the serpent lady to smirk, as she was more than ready. She knew this wasn't going to be a walk through the park, but, she came into this, knowing full well, she may never make it out alive. But the thought of mastering what his own teacher couldn't even accomplish, and returning home, being finally capable of maintaining that promise given to the one man she cherished so deeply...

...it gave her a level of courage she had deemed impossible. In fact, it would seem, Naruto's attitude was starting to rub off on her too, as she cracks her neck, and allows her trenchcoat to fly right behind her, telling the sage:

"...I have never felt readier. I know someone came before me, but unlike that waste of space, I shall ace these trials! Bring it on, ya old hag!"

"Very well. You have been warned..."

And though the fog made it difficult to make out, Anko could definitely sense the chakra signature of one giant serpent approaching. She knew of it, because this was the same snake that Orochimaru once summoned to fight the other Sannin...

...Manda.

The ill-tempered, purple-black serpent approached Anko, sensing his summoning master's chakra signature inside her body, through the Curse Mark.

Needless to say, this battle ended up demanding way more of Anko than she initially bargained for. Manda repeatedly managed to land destructive hits on her with his sturdy form, but thanks to a blood injection that she got provided with by Tsunade, she could heal up immediately, with enough time to spare and put this giant reptile in its place. But it took quite a while, and time and time again, she ended up struggling to gain the upper hand...

...until she grabbed Kakashi's katana, which she had borrowed for this mission, needing something to defend herself. And though he hasn't used this blade in forever, it still did its job quite reliably. It hasn't gotten dull yet. As they fought for what felt like days to her, in the end, by a hair, she managed to land fatal cuts on the snake, forcing it to retreat.

"I am impressed...! You shall have this victory, but rest assured... it won't become any easier from here on... until we meet again...!"

Said Manda, as he retreated back into the tunnels, leaving a badly injured Anko behind, who was covered in bruises all over, her shin protectors being badly damaged and scratched, and her having needed her trenchcoat to create a diversion, leaving her in only her fishnet shirt.

But she was alive. That was one trial down, and two more to go...

As she ventured deeper into the caves, a Genjutsu was being cast by the fog, as she heard all the voices of those she had failed in her lifetime, ranging from Hiruzen, Kakashi, Rin, Sasuke, Naruto, Kurenai and one voice came forth the loudest...

...Orochimaru. Who would taunt her by speaking to her through the fog, his silhouette following her with every step:

"Anko... My poor, dear Anko... You really shouldn't have betrayed me. You were meant for greatness... And now, look at you. You're a shinobi, without purpose. Without goals. Or ambitions. You are living an existence that is not even worth calling a "life". Drinking yourself to sleep, every night, just to silence mine, and the voices of all those kids you had witnessed becoming mutated weapons for my cause... What a shame. You could have become my best asset. I could have given you more power, and now, you are being outdone by an Uchiha... How does that feel to you? Having outlived your uses?"

But Anko's mind was still very much sound. She wasn't ready to give up just yet. In spite of her glaring injuries, and her gradually depleting stamina, she couldn't stop. She had to put an end to her training. This goal was way too tempting for her to reach, nothing else mattered. A special type of feeling, indeed. And as such, her only response to these taunts were:

"Oh, put a sock in it, Orochimaru... You know what sets us apart? ...I didn't sell my soul to the devil, unlike you. You gave up your humanity, knowing full well, that "life means nothing". Then allow me to do the honors for you... I shall become the antithesis to your nonsensical "ideology"... That, for all I care, shall leave an everlasting reminder on your personally carved tombstone, carved by yours truly, that: Abandon your morals, and everything you hold dear, you lose, before the fight even starts. I freed myself... and when the time comes, I will gladly be there, when it means bringing Sasuke back home, where he belongs. And if not that, at least... I will ace this test, unlike you... How about that...?!"

She kept on walking, fearlessly. Bruised, but not beaten.

The next trial tested her intellect. She stopped in front of a stone gate, with diamond shards lying on the ground in front of her. With the gate itself being locked up with a bunch of holes that needed to be filled with the diamond pieces, close to her feet.

Needless to say, despite being more airheaded than most, she was far from braindead, and surprisingly, she aced this test with relative ease compared to most, who came before her. ...Even at the special hurdle, where she realized, she needed to break a few diamonds in half to make the final symbol come together, in pieces. But that ended up proving to be a piece of cake for her.

And then...

...the final test, is standing right before her. She went up the massive stairs in front of her, gulping along the way, sensing a terrifying, oppressive presence, directly ahead. And once she realized who was waiting for her at the top, being met with the appearance of an old, yet giant white serpent, she could not lie...

...this presence truly made her shiver in her boots. She said it:

"This must be the White Snake Sage... I have actually done it..."

But this wasn't the time to be taking a break. The final test shall be the most demanding of them all. And it became clear, once the snake slithered closer, in a very bone-chilling, almost creepy way, speaking to her directly, piercing through her subconscious:

"Well done. I am surprised you made it this far. But unfortunately for you, your trial isn't over just yet. The final hurdle for you to overcome, in order to reach new heights, a new plane of existence... is me."

Anko made it more than clear, she was ready. She came this far, she won't be faltering now. And the saying goes, "never underestimate someone, who has nothing left to lose". That saying always rang true for her and Kakashi, she is doing all this for him.

"I am still in this...! Bring it, I am ready for whatever you got in mind...! Not like anything else is waiting for me back home, this was my best...!"

"Then, let's begin..."

Her giant snake head leaned towards the Anbu member, driving one of its teeth into her body...

...and the very moment that happened, Anko felt herself going insane. The venom potency in that one tooth was so immense, she felt her body getting crushed half to death, like she was in the middle of a balancing act, on a tightrope, while carrying a mountain on her back. Everything was getting downright chaotic now, she lost all sense of time, or spatial awareness, she saw her own body melting, and all of the absolute worst sensations a human body can experience... She felt it all. In just one brief moment, and it felt like forever in its duration. She burned, she froze, she drowned, all those painful ways a person could possibly die, it all came at once...

...her agonizing shrieks filled the tunnels, and in the real world, the white snake was almost ready to consume her completely...

...but then, just when Anko was about to allow the madness to consume her...

...the seal over her Curse Mark busts apart, as this condensed nature chakra began engulfing her, giving her a whole new surge in strength and resilience, she needed to rely on Orochimaru, just this once, no matter how ill it made her feel to her stomach, using this power...

...But she had to, as, in her mind, all she could see were the memories she had made with Rin, Kurenai, Hiruzen, Sasuke, Naruto and most of all...

...Kakashi.

All those people were her lifeline, the true remainder of her body, mind, soul and... her heart. 

She realized, she didn't want to survive.

She wanted to LIVE.

She wants to continue living, for all of them. They are the reason why she is still here.

With tears forming in her eyes, as she allowed the Curse Mark to spread its markings all over her body, she remembered what she had once told Kakashi, not too long after Sasuke left the village:

FLASHBACK

(Image done by wintermaiden11 from DeviantArt)

They were at the riverside in Konoha, as Anko stared into the waters, from the sand back. With Kakashi right next to her, as she tells him, full of sorrow, knowing that Sasuke's departure affected him more than anyone else, and as such, she makes a vow, in that moment:

Anko: "Kakashi... Even with your mask one, I can tell how badly Sasuke's departure is messing with your mind. Don't even start denying it. I am telling you something, I am done. With all of this..."

Kakashi: "What do you mean...?"

Anko stuffs her hands into her trench coats' pockets, looking pretty resigned and exhausted.

Anko: "I am done... living in fear of my own life... Orochimaru is going to destroy Sasuke's life even further, and even if we find him, what good will it do? His ambitions and personal priorities won't change. I am not saying you should give up searching for him, but all I am saying is: Sasuke didn't leave, because he hated you all. On the contrary, he left, because he loved you all. And I bet, after you told him how much you lost yourself, I think it might have driven him even further to become stronger. Even if it meant approaching the wrong people for that. Remember, you're not the only one who knows an Uchiha, I know how they tick..."

Kakashi: "...!"

Anko: "So, no... Waiting for Sasuke is not optimal anymore. For the absolute worst case scenario, we have to prepare ourselves. Whatever my former teacher has in-store for him, it can't be good, and we cannot get a proper read on him, so I say... Let's have some faith in Sasuke that he will make it out of there, relatively unscathed. I believe in him. He is stronger than most people give him credit for."

Then, Kakashi noticed a tear running down Anko's cheek, from the right, and he felt his heart sinking, knowing she is just acting tough like usual, when deep down, she wants to scream in agony over this loss. She truly loved Sasuke, like a little brother that she always wanted to have. And bearing the knowledge, he is now training under the same man to have ruined hers and countless other lives... It truly messed her up.

Kakashi: "Anko..."

His only visible eye closed, as he truly felt her pain, in that moment. He knew how attached Anko had grown to the Uchiha kid, despite their Anbu lifestyle having clearly prohibited this type of personal connection. He jokingly teases her by going:

Kakashi: "Heh... I never would have thought, the day would arrive, when you actually began caring about something way bigger than just dango... ...well, I'll be damned, even I am quite shocked at myself... For years, I had spent burying those feelings deep inside the treasury, but those damned brats left me second-guessing... ...Why does being human have to be so painful...?"

Anko: "I am right with you on that... And that's why..."

She tenderly caresses his right arm with her left hand, which slipped out of her pocket, before allowing to slowly travel down to his right hand...

...as their fingers intertwined, in mutual acknowledgment of their shared grievances with the family they had managed to garner, even with their past still haunting them. And firmly states to Kakashi, with the tears still running down her face:

Anko: "...I shall become that one person, whom you will never have to fear losing in battle, ever again... ...Kakashi."

The Copy Ninja didn't say anything... His silence was more than clear to her: This promise may have reached him.

FLASHBACK ENDS

Feeling a surge of power and confidence overwriting her consciousness, she breaks free of the poison, and just lets the Curse Mark absorb all this power for her, creating a "tunnel" for her body to slowly draw in the essence of the White Snake Sage. Since the mark provided her with the same DNA layer as that of her former sensei, it should be more than enough to make the absorption process a lot more tolerable. And before getting swallowed whole, she uses her strength to lift up her mouth, using the Curse Mark as a stamina booster, and rolling out of her, as she felt the temporary power surge returning to the mark on her neck...

...but the fact of the matter is: She survived the worst of the trials. And deep inside, she got a very warm, tingly feeling. Meaning, the transfusion proved successful.

The White Snake Sage then turned from her snake form, into that of an elderly human lady, smiling at the young woman, who was still kneeling in front of her, stating:

"Impressive... You actually succeeded in all of the given trials, my child. You gazed down into the abyss, and survived. My deepest of respects to you. From now on, you shall bear my power... And I will see to it, that you are going to tame it for your own. What do you have to say to that...?"

Her chest heaving, with her breathing long and heavy, her eyes ended up remaining obscured by her sweat-soaked bangs, but despite this miserable experience, her lips curled into a smirk. As she states:

"I say... That's good... Why, very good, actually... Do you wanna know why...?"

And once she lifted her head, we could clearly see a purple eyeshadow...

...and once she opened her eyes, her irises having gone from brown to golden, only deepening her own smirk, feeling truly accomplished now.

"...I am a proud, sore loser. Thanks for the gift... "grandma".”

Welp, pardon me for being late, but...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANKO!

This one is for you. And at long last, I finally got the time to be writing something epic for her. And here you go, when she goes Snake Sage mode, this is how she looks like. This is my gift to her. A well-deserved power boost.

Also, while writing this story, I was listening to this. It just fit the occasion, and the situation Anko was in. As she fought, not to survive, to keep on living for both the dead, and the living.

[genericruleroftheflies]

I’ve thought about it a little and I think Misaki has OCD. I’m not expert I just have my OCD experience to go off of so maybe I’m projecting but...

Disclaimer: I have gone to therapy for OCD but I’m not a therapist or anything so take what I say with a grain of salt I’m just reading into a fictional character.

To me, Misaki shows some more obvious traits of OCD, aka the kind people are typically familiar with, cleaning and organizing. And while he does the cooking and cleaning as part of his rent to live in Usagi’s house, there’s an extra/mini/preview where before they live together Misaki needs to clean Usagi’s house before he can start to study for his entrance exams. So while I believe Misaki does actually like to cleaning, cook, and organize all are things he does a bit compulsively.

He cannot begin to think about studying until Usagi’s house is clean… and he’s made him food and dessert for the next week!

My point is that this reads as more “obsessively cooks and cleans for comfort when he’s stressed out” rather than just cooks and cleans because it’s covering rent. Also because we know Usagi doesn’t give af about money or Misaki paying rent.

And I think it’s of note that cooking and clean is what Misaki starts to do as a child after his parents die and his brother is work all day every day.

This ties into what I think is another *possible* OCD type or OCD signs that Misaki shows. While I think it’s written like he has misplaced guilt over his parent’s death because he feels like it was his fault… I do think it’s possible those play hand in hand.

Misaki doesn’t want to ever be trouble to anyone or ask for anything, because he fears if he does it could lead to someone being hurt. To me, that kind of sounds like Harm OCD.

But I could understand if someone says it’s more like survivors guilt than OCD.

Harm OCD I believe like many pure O (obsession without physical compulsion) OCD types deals with intrusive thoughts in this case thoughts of harming others.

If I was to describe it in Misaki’s case it wouldn’t be that he would harm others so directly but his thought process is like “if I bother this person with my wants—> they will die” or at the very least “they will be troubled” and that in itself to me is quite an intrusive, OCD thought. (But I myself do not struggle so specifically with harm OCD at least it’s not my main problem… but pure O in general, yes.)

Misaki gets this from the belief that his parents died because he asked them to hurry home.

This not wanting to trouble people is like the main through line of Misaki’s character, in continues throughout the manga.

I would even say his main internal conflict (after initially getting together with Usagi) is between wanting not to trouble people vs being selfish. And it’s wanting to be with Usagi that makes him actually push back on this tendency of his. Tendency… maybe coping mechanism…

(This is when he is telling his brother about Usagi in act 52)

All this to say, Misaki may obsessively cook and clean as well as obsessively avoid doing anything that could cause anyone trouble in an attempt to relieve his intrusive thoughts. In the end, doing stuff like that doesn’t actually help it’s only a temporary coping mechanism to a larger issue so it’s good that Misaki comes to be more selfish in his relationship with Usagi. He can no longer just be avoidant. He must face his fears (exposure therapy anyone?) and see it’s not so bad when he does the thing he fears.

I’d also just like to add this moment where Misaki’s freaking out and then Usagi is like “The new ribbon came for Suzuki” and Misaki is like “you change it then!” But then Misaki goes to change it. I totally read that as Usagi purposefully was like it’s okay babe here’s a little task you can do to calm down (because he smirks after mentioning it). Overall, Usagi is just really good at reading Misaki the more the manga goes on (though he is an idiot sometimes)

I do think one could also touch on sexuality OCD with Misaki but I don’t really want to as I believe the OCD comes from intrusive thoughts, those being thoughts you don’t secretly desire but actually fear and strongly don’t want to happen, so I wouldn’t want to say Misaki has OCD around being gay because by the mid point he is saying “I don’t think we are doing anything to be ashamed of” about him and Usagi. But I would say early on he has some internalized homophobia for sure.

In conclusion, this is a long winded analysis of Misaki maybe having OCD. Hopefully it wasn’t problematic! Again I’m not an expert on any of this it’s only come from what I know about it with my own experiences.

[kirschteinoir]

[1] you're here, that's the thing.

post-timeskip osamu miya x reader.

❝just one summer. just to appease her.❞

when life in the city becomes overwhelming, your grandmother decides to sign you up for a summer in the countryside working at onigiri miya, the best onigiri place this side of hyogo! you're not the biggest fan of the early starts and long hot days at first, but your attractive new boss may change your mind...

wc; 728

chapter masterlist.

𝙋𝘼𝙍𝙏 𝙊𝙉𝙀. 𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙖𝙥𝙧𝙞𝙡 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙚𝙨, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙡𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙙𝙚𝙬𝙮 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙣.

“i don’t know… i just want to do something new…”

the window frame of your small tokyo apartment digs into your arms as you lean dangerously into the spring breeze that finally started to make itself known after many months of red noses and cracked fingertips. you press the phone harder against your ear with one hand in fear of accidentally dropping it whilst reaching out to grab a falling cherry blossom petal with the other. you miss it, watching as it flutters through your fingertips and you reflexively sigh, hoping your downstairs neighbour may appreciate the beauty of spring too and perhaps succeed where you failed.

“tch, are ya sighin’ at me again?” your mother scolds from the other end of the line, her kansai dialect crackling into the receivers as her emotions got the better of her. you quickly rebut, shaking your head and pointing out of the window as if she were next to you in the cramped space of your 66 x 66 square metre prison cell.

“no ma, i swear! i’ve just been in a weird mood lately,” you admit reluctantly, ashamed that you hadn’t yet found your footing in the working world of modern tokyo. you were always the kind of kid who’d tell everyone that one day you’d be the prime minister, or an astronaut, or a famous celebrity, and everyone should get your autograph right now so they would have something worth millions in the future and the bragging rights that they were your classmate at one point. but it didn’t take long for the tumultuous reality of adulthood and life beyond high school entrance exams to hit you - you were still a hard worker to your core but after completing a bachelor’s degree and being left to your own devices as a fully-fledged adult, the foundations of those wild ambitions you’d grown up clutching close to your chest were maybe not as steady as you’d thought.

“as i was saying,” your mother cut through your thoughts sharply, in that way mother’s do when you’re about to be lectured about your life decisions. “how about visiting grandma for a while? for the summer, at least.” 

before you could protest, your mother sensed your reluctance and hastily followed up.

“ya haven’t seen her in ages, when was the last time you went to hyogo? and you’ve been stuck in the city for so long, i can imagine the fresh countryside air would do ya the world of good!”

biting back your whines, you desperately try to think of an appropriate response to your determined mother. while of course you would love to see your grandmother again (she’s probably not had many visitors since your grandfather passed), some part of you rejected your humble beginnings. you’d moved away from a simple life in the countryside at a very young age thanks to your father’s new job in the glittering oasis of tokyo and only ever went back for a week or two during the school summer holidays to see your grandparents. and every summer you’d hated how the dirt never really left the underside of your fingernails or how there was nowhere to hide from the heat, your tiny electric fan about as helpful as a bucket in a flood. eventually your visits ceased altogether and subsequently so did the guilt of missing your grandparents.

“i’ll give grandma a ring as soon as we hang up. she’d love to see her only grandchild again, all grown up!”

ah.

she’d really pulled that card.

despite your initial reluctance, your mother ignores your grumblings and cheers in delight as you finally agree to spend the summer in hyogo with your grandma. just one summer. just to appease her.

it was fast approaching late afternoon by the time you bid your mother goodbye. you’d talked about so much since the initial proposal that you’d half-hoped she would forget her declaration to give her own mother a call; you’d supposed luck had never really been on your side because just as you had convinced her that yes, you had enough groceries for now and yes you were taking your vitamins regularly and definitely drinking plenty of water, she’d brought the subject up one last definitive time.

“i’ll call your grandma now and let you know what she says. bye sweetheart!”

and then the line was dead.

about me. 

ao3 link.

[thistransient]

Halfway through July, and I have neglected to write my yearly birthday introspection, although it did occur to me that between my birthday and the new year I was in fact doing two introspections a year anyways.

For certain reasons I've been waffling about it, but it's also quite nice to be able to look back and compare with the previous year, to see what's changed (sometimes unexpectedly) and what's still the same. Last year I mentioned I "made a close friend [...] and disentangled myself from a draining relationship", but in the end I had been drawn to said friend because he was the polar opposite of the person I was disentangling myself from, and while a different extreme might have been refreshing in the moment, that too was unsustainable in the long run. I think what finally dragged me out of the cycle of too-clingy/too-distant nebulous just-friends-but-what-if sort of relationships was twofold: I started going to counselling with a goal (not the usual "I feel like I'm having a breakdown so I'll see a therapist for 3-6 months before ditching"), and also got into a communal hobby such that I was able to make casual friends and attend regular and diverse events with a time limit (rather than laser focusing on one person and relying on them for all my socialising).

A year ago I said I was feeling adrift, goal-less, and filled with the sort of summer malaise inspired by the scorching Taipei weather this time of year. Unfortunately we are still rather scorched. The temperature and UV levels somewhat put a damper on my usual practice of walking around outside looking at things. On the positive side, I did struggle through the adrift-ness and applied for one (1) grad school program over the winter, which I didn't get into but I did learn that I feel better when I'm working on something, and I was also motivated to finally take Taiwan's Chinese proficiency exam to open up my options for the sort of programs I could try for in the future (I passed a level higher than I expected to, and it was great to feel acknowledgment of my competence at something I'd really put long-term effort into). After the grad school rejection I started planning the trip to Ladakh, which allllmost felt like it involved a similar level of paperwork and fuss- and actually pulling that off in the end (ok, even tho this was after my birthday) despite all my fears and anxiety (particularly around travelling post-transition) was also a great confidence boost. (For a week after I also had this frantic urge to drastically change my life, and I can't tell if it wore off with time or if the heat simply drained out all ambition beyond staying out of the sun and sitting in front of the fan eating cold dragonfruits.)

I have at least two proper goals now, and although one may require starting over entirely from an educational standpoint, as they say, "the time will pass anyways". On my bike rides at night I do tend to start pondering what shall become of me, creeping along in the years but being no closer to permanent or even temporary residency status than any other time I write about it either wistfully or with well-intentioned but otherwise ultimately futile determination, nor feeling like I am useful for any sort of capitalist pursuits. (I suppose this is the part of reflection wherein things have stayed the same, and we must stay tuned for next year.) But I also believe I have made some progress in deflating a little the omnipresent catholic guilt at simply existing, not to mention the adjacent notion that enjoying life a bit and not being maximally miserable at all times is a SIN. By this I mean I have gone twice now to a nice hair salon to let a beautiful woman shampoo, condition, and also give me a haircut that doesn't bear a strong resemblance to a bichon-frise immediately after.

All in all, I would say the verdict is incremental improvement. (Okay maybe I'm also racking up incremental nerve damage from all the shibari but you win some you lose some.) My housing/employment/visa-running status hasn't changed dramatically but I feel more hopeful and kinder with myself. I think my Chinese reading speed has kicked up a notch. I've managed to keep the instant noodle consumption under control. I've sent a lot of postcards on my quarterly trips, which are generally well-received. I have taken great delight in growing many plants in the window cage (whether they survive is another thing, RIP to the tomato plants while I was away, bravo to the basil that miraculously rehydrated from what seemed to be a completely unsalvageable state, sorry to the lemon tree sprout that was apparently doing fine on its own before I came back and over-watered it to death). Things feel kinda okay, and I used to be quite suspicious of this because surely they were only going to get worse again, but these days I figure hey, even so, might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

[honeybee2807]

I once saw a photo of an excerpt in Cursed Child: the Journey about Albus' wand and how he treats it like a worry stone. Back then I didn't know about worry stones so I decided to search it up. Apparently they are used as stress relief and majorly used by people who struggle with anxiety disorders. And that made me wonder: I've read a lot of fics where he is depressed, bipolar, psychopathic, etc but never as a person struggling with anxiety disorder.

Back when I first read CC, I became obsessed and wanted to read many articles about it to see diff viewpoints. In one article back in 2016 it was noted that Albus was mostly hc'd as having depression and adhd while Scorpius was mostly hc'd as having anxiety and autism.

It's quite ironic since according to CC The Journey, Scorpius is canonically the one struggling with depression(they mentions self harm in the section of his wand) and Albus uses his wand like a person with anxiety disorder using a worrystone. Even though reading both the excerpts was upsetting, I can't help but feel a tiniest bit amused since it seemed that the fandom(at least in 2016) seemed to have switched it up. But of course, a person could have both anxiety and depression at the same time(I'm not negating that fact).

And the 'Albus potentially having anxiety disorder' theory(and it's a theory cuz he could just be stressed and not anxious) does make sense in a few ways. For example his fear of ending up in Slytherin and the worry that he might be evil cuz he ended in Slytherin.

To be fair, I'll admit that I am not very well educated on anxiety disorders(Well I used to but that was years ago and unfortunately I never got to update myself and remind myself(I may have forgotten stuff) cuz of continuous years of board exams), so I may be wrong. But I do think it's an interesting theory and maybe once I finally know enough about anxiety and if it does fit, I might adopt it as a headcanon.

[saintshigaraki]

If it isn't too much to ask can you give me some study tips queen 🙏🏽 like how to stay focus when the topic is boring af?

i fear my advice isnt super general bc a lot of it comes down to like. personal motivation. i am for better or for worse (and its often for worse) extremely grade motivated. i plan to apply to pharmacy school post undergrad and that often (though not always. and they of course look at other things such as research hours) requires pretty good grades and that is where a bulk of my personal motivation stems from. i also am extremely lucky and privileged in the sense that i only have to work while in school around 10 hours a week, which of course leaves me with a lot of extra time outside of classes to study and rest.

with that all said ! some study tips that i abide by religiously are --

review actual material given in class which may include: slides, worksheets, practice exams, STUDY GUIDES!!!, practice problems etc. and do the worksheets and practice problems more than once. preferably over and over and over and over again. my advice is to redo all the worksheets and practice problems AT LEAST twice. but if you can more. and start all of this AT LEAST a week before the exam but really preferably earlier

as I've said here before: GO TO OFFICE HOURS!!!! if there is a study guide given, go to office hours with the study guide in hand and go through all the points you're even a little unsure about, but really if you can, go through every single point with your prof if realistic and/or possible.

if you are not given a study guide, still go to office hours and depending on the prof. feel free to be a bit of a nuisance and ask questions like 'what material should i be focusing on while studying?' 'will *insert something* be on the exam?' just questions along that nature. essentially just be as pushy with the prof. as possible lol

3. STUDY GROUPS!!!!!!!!!!! oh my gosh study groups are so so so so important and can be an amazing tool. not only because there will most likely be people in your group that understand something you dont and can help you but because you might understand something they dont and you can explain it to them which is in itself an amazing and powerful study tool. that and also study groups make it so you've committed yourself to studying at a specific time and have other people relying on you to show up and put in effort

the above points are how i study before every exam! it works for me and it might work for you, but you'll probably find that there are other things that work for you as well! it took me all of freshmen year to figure out a study schedule that worked for me and got me the results i wanted. do NOT ! be discouraged because of a bad exam, or a bad month, or even a bad semester. these things absolutely do not define you and as people say, the world won't end if you get a less than stellar grade in chemistry lol

i do hope that this was somewhat helpful and im wishing us all nothing but the best for this upcoming year <3

[fictionkinfessions]

In response to

https://www.tumblr.com/fictionkinfessions/763632922895040513/fandom-this-post-is-about-persona-%EF%BC%95?source=share

I normally do not respond to vent posts whatsoever, purely due to the fact that I hardly ever know what to say or due to the fear that the individual does not want responses. But I'm pulling out the notes app for this one. Do not feel the need to respond to this whatsoever. Do not force yourself too. I don't want to be the reason you exert yourself any further than you already have. Please take further time to rest, I hope all your exams go well and happy early birthday.<3

I get it. I really do. I won't say that I'm in the same situation as you are, simply because I'm likely not and there's likely way more going on in your life now that you haven't spoken of. But I do believe I'm in a highly similar one.

If you don't take anything other than one thing from this then at least take this statement. You are worth so much more than you think you think you are. You always have been, and you always will be. You don't have to be a good person. You don't have to constantly give yourself to other people. Hell, that may sound very selfish of me to say that, but truthfully I know how it is to constantly take away from yourself in order for the gain of other people. Please don't ever put yourself or let anyone put you under the impression that your only purpose in life is to help and improve others lives. Because it's not.

It's perfectly okay to dislike people for whatever reasons. You don't need to have some set of reasons. There's not a rulebook in place for what all you can dislike people for. You can't force yourself to like someone. That's just not how it works.

To be frank with you, sorry about my language, but life is pretty fucking difficult. Especially when you throw in social aspects, work, and just living in general (in this economy?!? sorry.). But truthfully it gets better. It may take a while. It may be a short period of time where it does get better then immediately decreases again. That's okay. Never fault yourself with that. It's inevitable that it happens. What's important is that you keep going on. And with “purpose”, genuinely, I think purpose is a thing you make for yourself. I don't believe in the existence of a being that decks out people their purposes and assigns them it before they're born. People have multiple purposes. You don't need to have this one major overbearing one. You can have smaller ones. You don't necessarily have to be useful either. Nobody needs to be useful. Nobody needs to have an explicit purpose/purposes (the grammars messed up, dw about it.). Everyone's good at something, even if you cannot see it for yourself.

In the end, you just need to see the world. In both its beauty and it's ugly features. That sounds really stupid, I'm writing this and I'm cringing right now. But, I'll leave it in because you deserve authenticity. You deserve the world in fact. And I'm sorry this is how you're treated by it.

This does conclude a lot of what I wanted to say, I apologise if any part makes no sense or if I misunderstood any portion of what you said, it's 1am here as I'm writing this and I needed to write this down now before I forgot what I was going to say. I'm not a motivational speaker by any means, but I suppose this was my best attempt at it. Please take this whole thing in the best way possible as I did not mean to be mean or upsetting in any way, I'm just horrible with tone through text and texting in general.

Alla prossima. (Italian for “until next time”, not sure if you're supposed to actually go and use this over text, but I'm slowly learning bits and pieces of Italian and some others.)

-Akechi Goro

P.S. (I would call it side notes, but that's your thing not mine)

Seriously, if things get too stressful, this goes for anyone reading this whole thing, not sure if you already do it, but try meditation. Might not work for everyone or everything, and it might not work immediately, but I do believe it to help on some levels. I'm also not a medical professional so don't quote me of all people on that.

(This whole thing is just me telling you what I wish anyone in my family would have told me like, a few weeks ago, so I might be slightly projecting. Just for the record. Not good at telling when I am or not.)

x

[cyberdenizen]

THE CHRISTMAS WISH

This story can be found as a dedicated page on my blog: Here

This story features a number of kinks, primarily: CNC

===============================================

As the sun set on Christmas Eve, Aurora glanced out the foggy window. Snowfall, like the party she arrived at mere moments ago, had just begun. But as she watched the frozen flakes drift along in the wind, her mind drifted all the same. As she slipped into a daze, her thoughts sank away.

A hand on her shoulder, snapping her back. She jolted, finding that she had been biting her lip, feeling spacey, as if her blood was lighter than normal, and as she spun around, she could feel the dampness between her legs. “You good, Aura? C'mon, everyone’s here, let’s get you a drink.” Francis’ voice was soothing, but Aurora couldn’t help but think about how pretty the snowflakes were as they danced downward. The image persisted through the night… She yearned to return to it… But the group of friends called for her, anchored her in reality. And so the party went on.

...

We all have our own traditions during the holiday season, and there’s no exceptions for Aurora and her friends. Every year since middle school, without fail, the group of eight would spend the evening before Christmas all together. Drinking, gossiping, exchanging gifts… And at the end of the night, come midnight, making their “Christmas Wishes”.

It was cheesy, sure, and not too dissimilar from a New Years resolution, but it was their tradition. At the stroke of midnight, they would all write down their one wish on a strip of paper, fold it up, and throw each into the fireplace to burn to ashes… or at least, normally they would. This year’s host had no fireplace, and so there was no fire.

As the party went on, the merriment only grew with each drink. And with each drink, Aurora felt herself slipping back to the swirling snow out the window. Stories were shared. Gifts were exchanged. Midnight approached as swiftly as the snow fell.

And so midnight came, and eight friends sat round the table, heads down as if taking an exam, scrawling their annual wish with haste so that no other might glimpse the words being written. “How will we burn them this year?” One chimed out. Another voice was quick to reply, “I’m sure more than one of us has a lighter, right? Just put them in a bowl and use that!” At least 5 lighters were placed on the table, a moment of brief laughter ensued, but Aurora’s mind was drifting once more, glancing out the window, watching the snow flutter about, helpless to the guidance of the wind.

As the group all wrote out their wishes, Aurora found herself unsure of what to wish for. She somewhat joking scrawled “I want to be railed like a mindless whore,” mind still thinking on how drenched she felt when she came to after her first journey into the snowy static of the winter void. Quickly she scratched out that line, knowing that may be one of her heart’s desires, but not wish-worthy by any means. Following the marked out phrase came another now, “Watch the sunrise on a fresh snowbank.” She pondered this wish momentarily, but found it lacking, and so, it too was crossed out, though not as rushed as the first. Finally, the papers were being collected, and when the collector, Francis, made his way to her, he cleared his throat, shook the bowl holding 7 folded notes, and began flicking his lighter on and off with impatience.

“FRANKY! DON’T PEEK!” Aurora squealed playfully, playing off that a wish won’t come true if someone else reads it, but truly fearing he might see the first note she jotted down. Francis reached for the note, “Will you stop calling me that, we’re not kids anymore! Now come on, we’re all waiting.”

And so it came that Aurora quickly scribbled down one last wish… “I wish for a white Christmas, filled with friends a-” The paper was snatched from her mid letter, her wish cut short. “Time’s up!” A multitude of voices rang in near-harmony. More laughter ensued, no one expecting such a synchronous chime of finality.

The lighter flicked on in Francis’ hand. A crumpled note touched the flame, and dropped to the pile of neatly folded wishes below. As stark white paper turned to ash, the cleanup began, and within the hour, Aurora found herself in her own bed, mind still adrift, the feeling only aided by the drinks she partook in. Darkness flooded her mind, and sleep overtook her body.

A buzzing!

Aurora’s eyes flickered to life, her phone lit the room in a pale blue light. A text, an unknown sender, “Fresh snow lay on the hill you once rode your sleigh. Go now, dress and depart, and bare witness to an Earth-born star-field come sun’s rise.” She read it again, trying to make sense of it, trying to figure out who sent it. She checked the time… 4am…

Deep down, Aurora knew the text was from one of her close friends, and so, she slid out of her pyjamas, donned a warmer outfit, and affixed her scarf and coat. With gloves and earmuffs on, she softly closed the apartment door behind her, and skulked down the stairs and out to the street.

Twenty minutes passed and she found herself, at last, in the park she frequented in her childhood. Before her stood a mighty hill… or… well she could have sworn it was as tall as a mountain when she was a kid. Upward she trudged, to the peak of the snow-covered hill.

There wasn’t a sound. No wind. No chatter. No cars. There was only darkness. Fading moonlight just before dawn.

The snow crunched under her as she shifted, checking her phone. Just past 4:30… facing East… ready for the sunrise. Aurora slid her phone back into her pocket, and heard the crunch of fresh snow behind her. She swiftly spun around, but no one was there. Confused, she turned back, only to see a figure, covered completely by warming winter gear. She jolted, just as she did when a hand was placed on her shoulder as the night began.

“You know, you don’t have to be so cryptic… and why’d you mask your number when you texted me?” No response… “Come on… What’s up? Did you just need to spend more time with me after the party?!” Aurora teased. Still no response… “Say something, won’t yo-” And just like her wish, her words were cut short.

A gloved hand on her throat, piercing eyes before her, and still not a word. Within moments, Aurora found herself laying face down in the fresh snow, her heart racing, her outfit in shambles. Jacket pulled open, top ripped, bra un-clipped… Boots forced off, pants yanked to her ankles, panties aside. She was cold… so cold… as she felt herself being violated.

The throbbing tip of a warm cock pressed deep inside her dripping slit. As she moaned, she found her face forced back into the freezing snow. Her skin was freezing, but all she felt was heat.

Whimpering, she found her hair wrapped around a no-longer-gloved hand, head pulled back. She watched the snowflakes flutter, guided by the gentle breeze, then pulled rapidly in another direction by wind. Helpless snowflakes, forced to take the path the wind demanded… She could feel warm cum filling her, the tip of the masked man pressed against her cervix. And just when she thought “it’s over…”, as that throbbing cock pulled from her, she found a new sensation. He wasn’t done… no, he was forcing his cock, lubricated with her own desire and his cum, into her tight ass. And as tears dripped down her cheeks, she moaned, gasping with pain and pleasure.

The hand unknown shifted now, to her chin, forcing her to look outward. “Look there” a familiar voice finally rang out. And Aurora found the field of snow before her glistening like the brightest star-field as the sun rose over the horizon. She whimpered, she cried, and she found herself flipped over onto her back.

As cum dripped down from both her holes, she opened her eyes wide, seeing the masked figure had taken off his mask. The face of Francis leaned over her, kissing her passionately.

As he pulled her up off the ground, he handed her a slip of paper… her wish… “Thought I’d do you a favor and make all three come true.” Aurora couldn’t even recall what it was she wrote, but in unfolding the paper slipped into her fingers, she realized… “H…HEY! You only gave me two!” She jested, already forgetting how forceful he had been with her. “Eh? What, two holes dripping with cum on Christmas morning sounds like a white Christmas filled with friends to me.” Francis gripper her chin as he spoke these words, kissing her once more. “Why don’t you be a good little whore and clean off my cock, Aura? Then I’ll take you home, you can be my Christmas gift this year.” “God you’re such a pervert, Franky” Aurora replied, already on her knees with a smile. “I love you, you dumb bitch, but don’t call me that.” Franky replied, rolling his eyes. “Sorry, Master, your dumb bitch doesn’t know any better.” She said before cupping his balls firmly. Francis jolted, just as he had made her prior. She couldn’t help but giggle before tasting her own desperation off his still throbbing cock.

“A wish come true” Aurora thought to herself, head bobbing passionately. She stopped for a moment and looked up with a smile, “So… how do we tell everyone else about us… dating?” she giggled childishly.

[deulleya]

"lie and truth."

the fifth instalment of my musical translation series — entering an elite academy amidst shrewd lies and shocking truths. will friendship endure, or will betrayal tear them apart?

the video is not mine, but all translations are my own.

musical: eli (일라이)

cast: [lyon] yu taeyul, ki sejung, noh yun • [eli] bae nara, hong seungan, park jwaheon • [sophie] lee seoyoung, lee jiyeon • [alice] im yejin, seong minjae • [yulia] baek yeeun, sun yuha • [justin] shin hyucksu (shin subin), hong kibeom • [headmaster] jeong jaeheon, byun heesang

synopsis: in the prestigious brixton academy for the rich and elite, the scholarship student lyon and his best friend eli are lauded as role models for the student body. that is, until the transfer student sophie upends the status quo alongside whispers and rumours. amidst the burgeoning distrust, the students defend themselves with lies upon lies that shake the very foundation they've built themselves upon. everyone has secrets, yet everyone seeks the truth — but is the truth they yearn for truly the real truth? and is there even a real truth at all?

production: new production (twitter / youtube)

[ this musical will be streaming online here, here, and here (different cast each day). hyuckstin and nyun lyon!! ]

- ☽ -

- ☽ -

하나만큼은 – at least one

+ 바람 rep. – wind (reprise)

noh yun as lyon, park jwaheon as eli

[Lyon] What are you doing?

[Eli] I have faith in you. Whatever comes your way, you’ll pull through. That’s who you are. The real problem is me. Nothing interests me nowadays. As expected, the righteous path of law ought to be treaded upon by someone like you. A righteous person, like you. Not someone like me.

[Lyon] What do you mean by that?

[Eli] Hey, should I just flunk an exam? Or perhaps I'll withdraw from the moot court? That way you’ll definitely get in, regardless of what Sophie does.

[Lyon] What do you think you’re saying?! We promised to enter the same university together. Look, if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t even be here. You were the one who led me into this world. That’s why we have to keep going together, till the end!

[Eli] Lyon… I’m sorry. Calm down, okay?

[Lyon] …I’m sorry.

[Lyon] From a certain point Not a single thing has been going my way Not my grades, nor my evaluations, not even my emotions

The words that surface endlessly in my mind Perhaps the image you have of me May not be the real thing

Scared, fearful, unfamiliar, anxious These feelings, this side of me This isn’t who I am

I don’t want anything to change I’m going to live as I planned

[Lyon] When I’m with you, I can stay true to myself. The me whom you believe in. That side of me.

[Lyon] The future that I dream of I can’t let it crumble Can’t just this one thing Turn out the way I wish for? Without anything changing Even if it’s just the two of us

- ☽ -

[Lyon] Hey, that’s dangerous. Come back down—

[Eli] Lyon! You remember, right? You told me so — as long as I hold fast to my balance, I won’t be swayed!

[Lyon] I did..?

[Eli] Do you still remember? The day we first came to this place A school we’d never aimed for A dream we’d never harboured As if wearing ill-fitting clothes We were nothing but stifled

[Eli] C’mere. Ah, c’mon!

[Lyon] Coming.

[Eli] Ah, it’s refreshing!

[Lyon] Ah, it’s refreshing.

[Eli] Lyon.

[Eli] Do you remember that day? You told me, who felt trapped Not knowing where to head towards Or what to pursue, To feel the wind

[Lyon/Eli] Feel the wind If we feel it with our hearts Even without flying, we can soar As long as we don’t lose our balance We can be free, anywhere

[Eli] Hey, grab my hand! Grab it, grab it! Lyon. Shall I tell you a secret?

[Lyon] I have one too. A secret.

[ alternate pairings here (yu taeyul, bae nara) and here (ki sejung, hong seungan). ]

[so-i-grudgingly-joined-this-site]

Signs of Life:

 Season of Mists, “Augustus,” and a Hopeful Interpretation of The Sandman

In my previous essay, “I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end, it didn’t even matter”: The Awkward Meta-Tragedy of Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman, I discussed the issues with the common fandom interpretation of The Sandman’s ending as both a tragedy and a suicide.  I highly recommend you read that before this, if you haven’t already, as this is mostly an extension of that essay. 

Near the end of that work, I mentioned how, in searching for an interpretation of the ending that could be construed as hopeful rather than incredibly pessimistic, I came across a significant amount of evidence in the volume Season of Mists.  Quite a bit of this “evidence” I’ve usually seen used by fans to construe Morpheus’ actions as an intentional elaborate suicide, claiming that he was in fact orchestrating his own demise as far back as at least this volume.  However, I believe that it is also entirely possible to construe these same events as showing that he was NOT planning a suicide.

In this essay, I will go over each piece of evidence I collected, and how I believe it can be interpreted in alternate ways.

[Continued under the cut; Google Drive link provided for clearer formatting, but the rest of the text, in tumblr's awkward block form, is also posted after]

[Read properly formatted version on google drive HERE]

It is in Season of Mists that Morpheus first goes back to check on Daniel Hall, for the first time after warning Daniel’s mother Lyta that he will return one day to collect the child for unspecified purposes.  What purposes those are remain a mystery at that point; those who support the suicide interpretation insist that he planned for Daniel to be his successor upon his suicide.  I think this visit makes clear that Morpheus did intend for Daniel to be his successor, but not necessarily specifically for a suicide attempt.  In Season of Mists, Morpheus goes to visit Daniel after explaining to his subjects that he fears he may not survive his attempt to rescue Nada from Hell. 

Since it is repeatedly emphasized just how dangerous he believes the rescue mission to be, especially after pissing off Lucifer the last time they met, it seems just as clear to me that Morpheus might want to have a successor lined up in general.  He saw how horrible things got when he was captured and there was nobody in charge of the Dreaming; having a second in line is just the responsible thing to do.  It doesn’t mean he was specifically planning his death, he could just have been planning what could happen in case of his death.  There is a difference.  Likewise, Morpheus also briefly visits Hob to potentially say goodbye before the trip to Hell.  Once again, this emphasizes how dangerous he believes the mission to be, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s planning on dying. 

Some especially pessimistic fans try to paint the Nada mission in general as Morpheus’ first suicide attempt, before the Kindly Ones plot succeeded, but I don’t think the Nada mission is quite as easy to construe as suicide.  The Kindly Ones plot had a certain intentional air about it; Morpheus knew that finally granting death to his son would provoke the deities in charge of blood debts and in the depths of his depression did little to avert what effects he knew would happen.  By contrast, he actually prepared to battle into Hell to save Nada, righting a wrong from long ago.  Though he expected to have to fight Lucifer, he actually made preparations to do so with clear intent for a successful mission, and made the point of preparing his subjects beforehand.  This is in contrast to the sudden slaughter from The Kindly Ones where he didn’t do anything to avert the furies’ rampage through the Dreaming until the only thing that could stop them was his own apparent death.

Likewise, Lucifer and his arc are important to how one might interpret Morpheus’ fate.  Alongside Destruction, Lucifer is the other example Morpheus has seen of a major universal figure deciding to finally quit the job that wears them down.  In their conversation, which Lucifer explicitly refers to during The Wake, he compares his situation to Dream’s.  Lucifer notes he was also fated to be stuck with his crappy job forever, assigned by a force greater than him that he couldn’t defy.  But then, he realized, he could quit after all.  He just kicked everyone out, closed up shop, and walked away. 

His choice to quit, and especially driving everyone out of Hell before doing so, causes a TON of issues, to put it mildly; Dream’s responsibility of solving them is one of the two main storylines of the arc, with the other being the Nada plot.  The fact that Lucifer’s sudden quit creates such problems, however, does not go unnoticed by Dream.  In a pessimistic interpretation, Morpheus takes this as a sign that he indeed can never quit, because doing so would create far too many problems for reality.  His sense of responsibility to the universe is arguably the “higher power” he believes forces him to do the job.  In an optimistic interpretation, though, it might simply convince Morpheus that he needs to be smarter about his retirement. 

After all, it was Lucifer’s lack of a clear successor that led to the whole ordeal of Dream having to assign someone new the key to Hell, and it was the fact that Lucifer kicked everyone out that caused chaos across the dimensions.  Perhaps Morpheus realized that the best way to quit might be to make sure there was somebody to take over for him, so that operation of the Dreaming could continue without interruption and without having to unleash any residents upon other dimensions.  He’d conveniently already prepared a successor in case anything should happen to him when confronting Lucifer!  Likewise, choosing a successor who is eager to actually do the job averts the frustration and angst he witnesses in the angels who end up having to take the key—God basically forces them to stay there; they aren’t fallen so much as shoved.

While we’re on the subject of other entities successfully quitting, Morpheus also took note of Destruction’s path.  At first glance, it seems he is as blind to Destruction’s successes as he is to Lucifer’s, only seeing him as behaving irresponsibly.  However, as I mentioned in my initial essay on the subject, it’s possible that, after his own quest to find his brother in Brief Lives, Morpheus simply realizes he needs to quit smarter.  If he can go pester his wayward brother, other entities could pester him.

Lucifer says that Morpheus has changed from when they met before.  Whether or not that means “changed enough to realize that he can change his lot in life” or “changed to feel so guilty and depressed over his condition that he now wants to die” is up in the air—or perhaps up to reader interpretation.

At the end of Season of Mists, Nada finally gets to confront Morpheus after being freed from her multiple-millennia-long imprisonment, and the reader finally gets to learn part of why Morpheus was so incredibly harsh in her punishment.  She not only refused Morpheus’ offer to become his immortal queen, but she’d counter-offered that he should become a mortal man to be her king.  Not only had she, a human, refused a request from an Endless, but in asking him to abandon his responsibilities she’d unknowingly asked what he’d probably considered the most insulting thing possible.  Now, having been freed, Nada points out that it’s been 10,000 years; he can still change his mind and leave the job that’s clearly wearing him down.  Morpheus insists he hasn’t changed—possibly even refuses to believe it’s possible—despite the very obvious evidence standing in front of him.  If he hadn’t changed, hadn’t realized his wrongdoings and taken action to correct them, Nada would still be rotting away in that cell!  Instead, he risked his life to free her!

Notably, right after this is when Morpheus cuts some sort of ambiguous deal with the illusion-god Loki.  Did he decide to die, contracting Loki then and there for the plot that would eventually incite Lyta to send The Kindly Ones after Morpheus?  Or, instead, did Morpheus employ a master of shape-changing and illusion to help facilitate an equally elaborate plot that would allow him to change while only appearing completely dead?

There also seems thematic significance to the new “redemptive” approach to Hell the angels take.  The sinners find the redemption more painful, difficult, and overall worse than just the punishment.  Perhaps it is because redemption is a change, it requires effort, while punishment requires no change.  Regarding Morpheus’ tendency to blame himself for so many problems in the universe (only a small percentage of which he’s caused), one is left to wonder if the finale is Morpheus punishing himself with death—or, if instead, he endures redemption and changes.  Does he take the easy way out—the coward’s way out, as suicide is sometimes (somewhat insensitively, depending on the circumstances) called—or take the challenge? 

The rewarding happy ending for the rest of the universe takes on a very different sheen depending on which view you choose.  Either it rewards the protagonist giving up, choosing suicide, and choosing mere punishment, or it rewards a change, however hidden from the rest of the characters, and choosing redemption.

Now, the following point I have to make is not from Season of Mists but instead the collection of short stories after it, Distant Mirrors/Fables and Reflections.  However, I was unsure where else to put this point, so I may as well include it here.

Much like the point I made about “Façade” in my previous essay, I believe “Augustus” is another odd, seemingly unconnected story that may have deeper meaning to the overall plot.  At first glance, the only connection to the greater lore seems to be confirming that Dream is sometimes confused for the Greco-Roman god Apollo, in a reference to Orpheus’ parentage in the original Greek myths.  However, at its core, “Augustus” is about a powerful, duty bound king (well, emperor) who suffers from hidden emotional pain, who has to plan an unorthodox way out of his situation without any divine figures finding out.  Sound like anyone else?  This could either be symbolic of Morpheus trying to plan his suicide before any of his loved ones could intervene, or it could be symbolic of his plan to fake his death (or, possibly, kill off only the part of him that is bound to his duties), thus leaving him free with nobody else to try and drag him back!

“Augustus” also includes the idea of two contradictory prophecy books that are both equally true until Augustus decides which book to act upon.  This theme actually reappears in the main plot near the end of The Sandman, with there being multiple Destinies—eventually narrowed down to two—who only whittle down to one once Morpheus’ fate is sealed.  This reinforces my suspicion that this short story is thematically significant.  The fact that Augustus succeeds in his own plot, asserting his own agency and defying the unjust divine will of his abusive uncle, suggests that Morpheus also succeeds in his plan.  What Morpheus’ plan is, of course, is once again up to the reader’s interpretation and optimism level.

There is one last potentially-overlooked point I would like to address.  Season of Mists concludes with what appears to be a quote from author G. K. Chesterton, upon whom Fiddler’s Green’s human form is based.  However, the book quoted does not actually exist; the notation states that it exists in the Library of Dreams, which holds every book both written and, in this case, unwritten.  This adds layers of meaning to the quote.  Neil Gaiman is not deciding to end the arc on a specific passage he found meaningful and relevant; rather, he specifically wrote the passage and the attribution in question.  It’s very carefully crafted.  The quote is as follows:

October knew, of course, that the action of turning a page, of ending a chapter or of shutting a book, did not end a tale.

Having admitted that, he would also avow that happy endings were never difficult to find: “It is simply a matter,” he explained to April, “of finding a sunny place in a garden, where the light is golden and the grass is soft, somewhere to rest, to stop reading, and to be content.”

         --G.K. Chesterton, The Man Who Was October

Hmm, what’s that about the ending of a book not necessarily being the ending of a tale?  Also, happy endings not being hard to find if you know where and how to look?

Of course the part about a sunny garden with soft grass is a reference to Fiddler’s Green’s landscape form too, but that’s going off-topic.

As I mentioned, the book “quoted” does not actually exist.  Upon searching, it seems that the title is a parody of the actual Chesterton work The Man Who was Thursday: a Nightmare (hey, look at that subtitle!).  Now, unfortunately, I am not currently familiar with Chesterton’s work and have not read this book.  A quick glance at the Wikipedia page, however, reveals some interesting, potentially relevant details.  It is very symbolic and dense…and there is apparently a debate over how pessimistic the book is supposed to be!  Apparently Chesterton himself attributed the work’s dark tone to the bout of depression he was suffering in college and later tried to explain a more positive spin on it, while at least one other analyst continued to insist it followed a pessimistic philosophy regardless of Chesterton’s later statements.  Gee, does that sound like any other literary works we know?  Like, perhaps, the very one this essay is interpreting?

That allusion may have ended up far more relevant than Gaiman ever intended.

Tagging those who might be interested: @serenityspiral @duckland @roguelov @ambercoloredfox @notallsandmen @lizajane2 @onehundredandeleventropicalfish

[livsspecialinterests]

don't really know what I'm writing or why but it's 0350am and I'm sitting in bed unable to get back to sleep having a weird slight panic

idk whether I'm feeling a bit of a writing slump because I know that the dead should stay dead still has quite a way to go and some part of me worries that by the time I've gotten at the very least to the next big plot point a lot of people may very well have lost interest in the fandom

like I know it's silly because there's probably always going to be some sort of fandom around BJTM but this little community means so much to me and has meant so much to me during a really difficult and life altering time, I mean for gods sake I started writing fics to try to figure out my own meltdowns

plus at this point I really have no other strong interests, idk maybe I'll get super into Doctor Who again with the specials and the new series starting but I've really gone hard on the One Interest

I really love the last few chapters of the dead should stay dead but it's felt a bit different writing them. maybe it's because I feel a little guilty spending whole days on chapters when I've got so much that I need to do for work (I know it sounds sad but there's exams, portfolio etc), plus I'd really like to give writing original fiction another go

there's also that gnawing fear that the fandom is going to like... vanish, which again is probably not true in its entirety but once the tour ends I can see some people falling off or finding another thing

also people leaving or drifting away from the fandom is a completely okay thing to do I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad if that's what they want to do

it's also not to say that people are obliged to engage with or comment on my fics or hell even read them, of course no one *has to* do anything in fandom it's a bunch of people just having fun

I know I should just write for my own fun and enrichment but external validation is nice, okay? plus these past few weeks the external validation and thinking 'no, I want to write this for the people who are reading the fic and want to know what happens next' have been big motivators

my main motivator used to be this absolutely unstoppable creative drive and love for the show and it's characters (which is still there, I'm unfortunately going to love this silly show until the day I die I think) but this past week I've found that I'd rather study for my work exams than spend time writing a few paragraphs

if I cool it off a little with the frequency of chapter updates it'll probably be a net good for me, I really need to buckle down and get these exams passed, I need to start actually engaging in planning my career because I think in my head I've been thinking I might get a book published one day and as a result I've been sort of half neglecting the actual really decent career I've got

but also my mental health is so much better, I've mostly healed from a lot of my late diagnosed autistic trauma, plus work is actually quite good right now?

maybe more of my writing for BJTM fics was motivated by being mentally ill than I originally thought, and maybe I don't *need* to write fics anymore but I want to and I want to still love writing fics as much as I did back when I was having that difficult time, where it was a huge personal comfort to be able to write Beej having a hard time in very specific ways and have other people comfort him

I have said to my husband that I'll probably cool it with the fics once I've finished the dead should stay dead and am going to focus my creative energy on something original to see where that goes but there's still so much to go on the dead should stay dead..

that silly little fic has become like my baby, I want to write it all, flesh out the characters before the next Big Thing happens, I want to do my ideas justice but I also want to make sure there are people still in the fandom to read it once I get to that point

again I'm super tired it's the middle of the night and I'm rambling, I don't want to imply that anyone reading this should carry on reading something they don't enjoy, and I don't even think the number of people reading the fic has even gone down, I've just woken up this morning full of dread for the fandom changing because, fandom and interests wise, BJTM is kind of all I've got right now.

I didn't really belong to a fandom for years after BBC Sherlock ended and I realised while watching the 4th series that it wasn't that good there was just a very passionate fan base and that's what I likes (I know, I know), BJTM was the first thing I got really into for ages and the first thing I got really into while figuring out what it was that I got *really into* stuff (autism)

obviously no one has to stick around in a fandom for the benefit of a silly autistic fanfic author whos terrified of change, and please, please don't think that's what I'm implying or what I want

ughh idk what I'm even writing, I should probably just reach out more to people but doing that is scary without the buffer of a fic

I should also probably invest more time in doing stuff irl but I know that no hobby gives me the joy that writing gives me, like when I'm really vibing with something there really are few better things for me than being safe at home and writing

also maybe I should try to get into some other stuff but I don't really want to but equally I know the BJTM fandom isn't going to last forever I just.... 🙃

the silly musical and the silly community that has sprung up around it and making art and writing fics for it has saved me in so many ways I'm just scaaarrreedddd (and also tired and typing this at 4am so I might be being dramatic for nothing, plus I know I struggle with assuming any fleeting emotion is going to last forever, maybe I'll feel different in a weeks time idk)

anyway I'm going to try to get a little bit more sleep because I've got to be up for work at 6 for my actual grownup job that I should probably pay more attention to

(this is also totally not some way to subtly say I'm not going to finish the dead should stay dead BTW, I love that fic and I'm proud of what it is and what I've got planned for it, so to the people who are still reading please don't worry 💜)

[determinedwriter]

Whumptober 2023: Day 30: Borrowed Clothing/Bridal Carry

Whumptober 2023: Day 30: Borrowed Clothing

(Continuation of yesterday’s part 2/2)

Tony

“I’m on my way. If anything changes, you call me. Understand?” I urge Peter over the phone.

“Yeah, of course.” He replies.

“If things take a turn and I’m not there, you swing out of there in all your spider glory and take her to the hospital, alright?” I continue. “I’m not losing her. Not tonight. Not ever.”

“You’ve got it, sir.” He says. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep her safe. I promise.”

I pause before hanging up, not wanting leave things like this. “Kid?”

“Yeah?” He replies. “I'm still here.”

I gulp. “Don’t leave her side. P-Please.”

“I won’t, Mr. Stark. Not for a second.” Peter reassures me.

“Good.” I mumble. “If she wakes up, tell her I’m coming.”

“I will.” He says.

I finally hang up after that, speeding to the Parker residence in my suit as soon as possible. Peter called me on his phone before calling me on Ro’s, likely knowing I’d pick up the second time.

I would’ve answered his call if I had known it was serious. I’m kicking myself for wasting any time at all. Ro needs me.

Someone tried to seriously harm her tonight and I wasn’t there. I have to be there for her now. It’s important that I’m by her side.

Which is why I’ve practically begged Peter not to leave her. If I can’t be there immediately, someone has to. Someone. If not me, then Peter’s not a bad candidate. He cares a lot about her. Maybe even loves her.

I’ve always seen that in him. The way he looks at her. It’s pretty obvious he likes her. At least to me it is. I’d like to think I’ve got a keen eye for these things.

I arrive at the apartment in no time at all, rushing to the elevator and hurrying to his floor. I pound on the door, not caring about how late it is or how loud I am. Ro is the only thing on my mind.

May opens the door. “She’s in Peter’s room. Nothing’s changed since you called.”

I push past her with a small, muttered greeting and open Peter’s door without knocking. He’s sitting on the end of the bed, watching Ro as she lies there with his blanket over her.

“Mr. Stark.” Peter says. “I’m glad you’re here…”

I move towards Ro, a terrible fear enveloping me. She looks so fragile that I’m afraid to move too fast or breathe too hard, as if it’ll break her.

She’s not wearing her own clothes, an oversized shirt and sweatpants covering her. “You changed her clothes?”

“May did.” He replies. “Her old ones were…torn.”

“Torn?” I question.

He gulps. “Yeah. Those guys, they…they were so…eager to hurt her.”

My heart shatters. “Oh.”

“Ro…” I mumble. “Ro, it’s Dad. I’m here now.

I’m sorry if I took too long. I came as quickly as I could, baby. I promise.”

She doesn’t move, which scares me. “I’m bringing her to the compound. The medbay can help her.”

Peter nods. “Okay.”

I hoist her in my arms and fly right to the facility, calling in Dr. Cho to take a look at her. She’d better be alright. I can hardly hear her breathing. That alone is enough to cause me to panic.

When I get there, Dr. Cho and Dr. Banner are already waiting to help. Thank God. “She was drugged.” I explain. “Attempted rape. Spider kid was with her and he doesn’t know what the hell happened. All I know is he didn’t have anything to do with it. He beat the asses of the ones that did though.”

“As he should.” Dr. Cho comments.

Bruce takes Ro from my arms and places her on an exam bed, taking her vitals when suddenly her eyes open.

She looks very out of it, opening her mouth to say something when she starts to vomit, too weak to turn herself over to not choke.

The two doctors immediately turn her on her side and I grab her hand. “You’re alright. You’re okay. I don’t know how much you can hear me right now, but you’re safe now. It’s Dad. You’re safe and everything’s alright.”

Ro is soon passed out again, Bruce taking a blood sample to test for drugs. She’s definitely not sober, but I wouldn’t be able to say what she’s been given.

I’ve done a lot of partying in my day, but I don’t particularly recognize any of Ro’s symptoms.love you, kid. Keep breathing. That’s all you’ve gotta do. I’m not leaving you.”

He places an oxygen mask over her face. “There you go, kid. In and out.”

After enough time and close monitoring, Ro wakes up disoriented and afraid, gasping softly. “H-Hmm…?”

“You’re safe, you’re alright.” I reassure her quickly. “It’s me.”

Tears cascade down her cheeks in an instant and she starts to whimper. “D-D-Dad?”

“Yeah, it’s me.” I reply. “I’m here and you’re okay. I’ve got you.”

She squeezes my hand. “L-Love you.”

“Love you tons.” I tell her.

It’s a long road, but I’m going to be here for her.

I’ll never leave her.

[walkman-cat]

16 and 17 for the ask game BUT instead of pictures, what if they were artworks? if you want! - @pigeonwit

:O oo ! yesyes :o (though it may be more than one drawing for the beginning and end of year wbwbw)

Post a picture from the beginning of the year

wbwbw !! early 2023 was pretty much where i started using the mthods i use now for my art (the orpheus drawing in top right is pretty much the first time i'd used lineart and cell shading rather than painting in over a year. and then it stuck!).

it's also real funny to see how much the designs of my characters have changed over the course of the year (for orpheus, it's somewhat significant of a change; markos' design has also changed, but less so)

(the drawing of the captain's just there because i still really like it wbwbwb)

2. Post a picture from the end of the year

i haven't drawn as much at the end of the year as i did in the beginning of the year (i blame exam hell) but here are a couple drawings from the past month wbwbwb!

(that's kath in the star trek au i have cooking up wbwbw! she and spot (human) are a tactical officer/head of security tag team to be feared wbwbw) (i will draw everyone else eventually i have Ideas)

it is interesting to note (for me at least) how much less i've drawn my ocs towards the end of the year wbwbw (i wonder whether that's got anything to do with when i joined tumblr wbwbw. hmm) i've got to draw them more methinks

[renee-writer]

Out of Time Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Eight

AO3

“Not even a sound?” Jamie asks as he gets his supplies together.

 

“She moans in her sleep but that is it. Doctor Jamie, I need to ask you something. Please don’t take offense.”

 

“Well, I guess that would depend on what you ask?” He nods for her to sit Kitty down on the exam table. She shakes her head.

 

“My question first. Did that situation with Charlie and William happen organically or…”

 

He lays the stethoscope and other supplies down. Turning to her, he says, “Organically. When we discovered her pregnancy, I was concerned it was one of the men. William didn’t enter my head, why would he? She explained. Comfort led to more. Trust me Nora, none of us were happy about it. When Murtagh and Danny committed to marry their lasses and the mothers of their children, William approached me and ask for the same. I wasn’t sure what to do,” he takes a seat on the stool, “still question whether it was the right decision. He loves her, or thinks he does, she respects him. He wanted to do the right thing. We talked it over and decided that, with their childhood prematurely ended, the least we can do is help them be good young adults.” He shrugs, “It was all we could do.”

 

She nods and walking over, sits Kitty down on the table. “Thank you for explaining and for understanding our concerns.”

 

He nods. “Of course. I would feel the same.” He lifts up the stethoscope. “I promise we aren’t some strange pedophile cult. I believe the mist took them out.”

 

“That would be one good thing.”

 

“Kitty, I am Dr. Jamie. May I listen to your heart and belly?” He doesn’t expect an answer and doesn’t get one. She still needed to hear him asking. He gently unrolls her from the fetal position she assumed at being sat down. Placing the stethoscope on her chest, he listens. Then he moves it down to her belly. Finally, he turns her on her side, explaining what he is doing, and listens to her back. Nora hovers nearby, her hands fisted so not to interfere.

 

“I am going to look in your ears, see if Peppa pig is in there, okay?” Again no response. She allows the exam without complaint. He wishes she would fight him.

 

“Now those beautiful eyes. I need to see what you are thinking, eh?” He really wishes he could as he shines the light into them.

 

Nora waits as long as she can. “Anything?”

 

“I will draw some blood. She is healthy. Unless something come up on the blood panel, I say this is psychological. She is in a near cationic state.”

 

“Yeah,” she runs her hands through her hair as the taste of pure fear floods her mouth, “we thought as much. Was hoping it was something medical that a dose of antibiotics would cure. Silly huh?”

 

He shakes his head as he gathers the needle and test tubes. “No, hopeful. Not a bad way to look at life right now..”

 

She is back in a fetal position. He moves one arm out and nods to Nora. She comes and holds her down. The precaution isn’t needed. She doesn’t even flinch at the blood draw. This concerns Jamie more then anything else.

 

“That’s bad, isn’t it?”

 

“Aye, it is bad. Does she eat well?”

 

“Yes, she will eat whatever is feed to her. She doesn’t  ask though. You know, she doesn’t  seek food.” She lifts her into her arms and the lass curls up against her. “When Tara or I go use the loo, we take her. She will go. Again though, she doesn’t seek it out. Surprisingly, she has had no wet mornings either.”

 

He listens. “How does she react to Zach,” he adds, “not accusing him of anything, just trying to see if any previous abuse has anything to do with her current state?”

 

“Understand.” She reacts to everyone the same. We have seen no difference.”

 

Another nod. It isn’t definitive but… “Tell me about finding her.”

 

“We were walking in the woods. We saw something move in a pile of leaves. First thought was a small animal. Zach went to see because we were hungry. “ A shrug, “I was a vegetarian before all this, “ she nods to herself, “he lets out a startled cry. That freaked Tara and I out. We turned to run thinking, well, it could bee anything. Zach shouts  out, “No! It is a child. We look at each other then run over. She was lying in the leaves. Curled up like she did on the table. We all three reached for her at the same time. Tara lifted her up.  Her hair was all matted and her clothes filthy. Her little face streaked with moldy leaves and the like.”

 

“Her feet, were they dirty?”

 

She frowns. “Now that you mention it, they were the only part of her clean.”

 

“So someone did drop her off.”

 

“Yes. Zach and I looked around but didn’t see anyone. We had no idea how long she had been there.”

 

“Did you find any animals?” She frowns, “In the leaves where you found her?”

 

“No.”

 

He smiles. “Excellent. She moved, heard you and moved.  Therefore she hadn’t  completely given up yet.”

 

Nora gets it and grins. She kisses the head of the child. “Grand job Kitty!”

 

“Absolutely.”

 

“Okay doctor, how do we help her?”

 

“We feed her body, good healthy food. We feed her mind, have her sit in one Mary’s lessons. We feed her soul by doing what you have been doing. Simply loving her.”

 

“We can do that.” Nora says.

 

“I will check her blood for infection or viruses. I promise to do all I can to see to her.”

 

“Thank you.”