#i fear it's bad
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the scary part about getting better is that there's this constant fear that things will go back to what they once were
#two years ago I was doing so bad#and I've made so much progress. but there's SO much fear that I'll have to live through that again
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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things that are scary that you just have to get over at some point
being wrong (as distinct from)
other people having different opinions from you (as distinct from)
minor disagreements
the eternal uncertainty caused by living in a universe where luck exists (e.g. Just Anything could happen to you for no reason)
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i've had this list open for so long but i can't think of anything else
i sorta feel like most other fears are kind of fine to have
oh like spiders i guess
#post not made to be like you're bad for being scared of these things. i am also scared of them.#post made to reaffirm that being scared of these things is normal but also doesn't change needing to get over them / move thru the fear
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Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London
(day 1)
#tma#the magnus archives#jonathan sims#old art i never posted bc i Hated how it turned out#but upon further consideration.. its not That bad so here u go#there r references to all of the fears in the bg 👀#like a lil scavenger hunt.. i think its fun…#may possibly delete later
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midsummer’s night dream redraw/study/whatever but its utenanthy
original reference under cut
#my art#revolutionary girl utena#rgu#utena tenjou#anthy himemiya#utenanthy#arghhhh so happy with this…..#i was fearing rendering the background but it turned out well i think#rendering utena and anthy was also pretty fun :)#procreate canvas info says the time tracked was 6.5 hours but im not sure if tracked time means all the time i had the canvas open or not#bc i did sit with this canvas open and doing nothing quite a few times#so. this took 6.5 hours at most and maybe like… 5 at least? idk#im bad at estimating this#2024
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So during a wayne gala, there was a rouge attack shocker. It was by scarecrow he was planning to flood the ballroom with his gas
Unfortunately his bomb was shoddily put together and one of the cannisters holding the gas fell and landed in the hands of one danny fenton there with his godfather
Now unfortunately all anyone could do was watch as this gas can suddenly spayed gas in this young mans face who started looking panicked and backing up before spotting vlad and stopping
Suddenly this kid who seemed like he was seconds from running is now fucking growing and preparing to pounce on vlad???
And vlad just looks resigned as if he figured this would happen
#dpxdc#dp x dc#dc x dp#dcxdp#I'm sleep deprved right now so thos might be bad#but i just had the mental image of danny getting blasted with fear gas and starting to have a reaction to it#before spotting vlad and his whole body haveing a visceral FIGHT FIGH FIGH chant going on#i just wamt feral bastard danny whos whole body was weighing fight or flight but spotted vlad and immediately decided fight
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They haven't even kissed yet. Somebody save them
#claw.art#my hero academia#mha#katsuki bakugou#dekubaku#dkbk#izuku midoriya#bakudeku#bkdk#deku is holding back i fear. hes like i want rush anything!!! i wont!!! but hes like. holding a monster back. he wants that cookie so effing#bad#and bakugou is like omg we're holdings hands. nosebleeds#deku is on step 123 and bakugou is on step 2. dont worry they'll get there eventually
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legend has it that the young witch circe and the once beautiful nymph scylla shared a complicated past...
#art#cirscylla#that's the ship name i like for them best anyway#circe#scylla#greek mythology#welcome to my greek mythos yuri#DOOMED YURI#circylla#epic the musical#do i even tag it as that? i think i should cuz epic is the reason im so into greek mythos#jorge said we might get a spinoff about their backstory and im insane over that#i know it's probably going to be about how circe loved that one guy but still a girl can dream#this is them but younger! before circe turns scylla into the horrific man-eating monster that even poseiden fears#there's just so much potential here#consider a younger and much warier circe landing on the island for the first time after being outcasted by her family for her magic#and she meets scylla there who back then is a much happier and playful person#enemies to lovers to enemies again#i don't know if they ever make it to lovers or if they were only an almost#they're about to have the worst breakup in greek history#im rambling in tags MY BAD
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Just two demons. hangin out....... this is what the inside of my brain looks like if ur wondering
#arrrt#obey me shall we date#obey me barbatos#obey me mammon#obey me nightbringer#barbatos obey me#mammon obey me#om swd#obey me! shall we date?#obey me! nightbringer#obey me fanart#obey me#om mammon#om barbatos#guuuys i need to kiss them BAD#erm. also. maybe#barbmon#not even a maybe i fear
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It’s best to introduce your Hag slowly through the door first to not scare the others
#fear and hunger#funger#enki ankarian#enki#ragnvaldr#cahara#d'arce cataliss#d'arce#enkivaldr#comic#illustration#pixel art#csp#digital art#my art#enki is a hag and i love him#i love thinking about the diff combos of what order the party meets each other#but this is my favorite one alkjfjksd Rag dragging Enki in like the fucked up cat he is#also once again i beg for people to tell me if the dithering is too much#i just love the texture so much im obsessed#also my first time writing alt text for a drawing so if i did a bad job plls let me know 👍
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Abby could befriend any animatronic from FNAF..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#abby schmidt#fnaf gregory#fnaf moon#moondrop#security breach#fnaf movie#fnaf fanart#MORE of Abby and Gregory exploring the pizzplex! 🩵#I noticed I’ve drawn Abby technically meeting sun before but not moon! so wanted to fix that#Abby does not fear any of these guys#she has no reason to! all she sees is friends#Gregory is flabbergasted by Abby#not only did she not run but now is fast sleep listening to moons stories#TBH this might be a Gregory skill issue moment#cause the daycare attendants seem not that bad actually#especially when Cassie later on meets them and they are kind#MAYBE moon just wanted to tell a bedtime story is that so bad?#moon and sun still stand as the most fun to draw#peak designs I adore these two
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HAPPY VARENTINES DAY, ANGEL ! I've been facing some tech issues recently, but!! To celebrate Ren's birthday and Valentine's Day, I'll be releasing Day 5 (the Early Access version) for all the Beta Testers in a few days!
And for those who aren't part of the 14DWY Discord server, don't worry! The public version will be available for everyone to play once the beta testing period is over ^^
#I don't have internet right now because my service provider is ass </3 I fear we may be livetweeting from my campus wifi right now lmao /hj#Anyways!! For those unfamiliar with how the whole ''Day update'' releases work; it's as follows:#Beta Testers → 14DWY Discord Server → Public Release#I always feel bad for those who pay money to boost da server (or donate to my ko-fi); so I want to offer them early dev logs and game acces#But members can also become a Beta Tester for ✨free✨ by chatting and reaching level 50 — or by taking part in server events >:3#They get access to all dat + unique server perks (like special name colour; upload & emote/sticker perms; [REDACTED] pixels lmao; etc)#And just so that it's not too overwhelming for da folks on Discord—#—I don't think I'll make a Twitter/Bsky announcement until Day 5 is officially available for beta testers to play#Or... until I can find a new service/phone provider because an additional $40 a month is NAWT the vibe!!!!! T_T#I also do not want to drive 1.3 hours into the city just to use my uni's/McDonalds wifi hjgdgjdhjgd#But I fear this may be the price I need to pay to have extended wifi coverage to the middle of nowhere </3 /lh /silly#Oh lawd.... How am I going to upload the files to Itch........... T_T#Brb brawling and bawling a certain internet provider real quick <3#💖 — 14 days with queue.#🖤 — updates.#🖤 — shut up sai.#I'll make a new rebloggable announcement + use the 14DWY tags once Day 5 is officially out!!
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just scotty getting a little bit of loving from his 2 favorite people
#me and the bad bitches i pulled by being autistic#i fear he doesnt know how to handle all that#i am so and always have been scogean pilled#scott sandwich#scogean#jean grey#scott summers#cyclops#logan james howlett#logan wolverine#wolverine#xmen#x men#x men 97#xmen fanart#jaemongusart
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yet another Davrin painting ft. some piercings I thought he’d look handsome with
#my art#i’ve got it so bad for him I fear#oct 31st reveal yourself to me NOW#davrin#dragon age veilguard#dragon age the veilguard#dragon age#veilguard#bioware#video games#digital painting#da4
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taom cast in their respective art styles! (spirit of pip possessed me to do this)
#the art of murder#taom#giorgio#winn#albie#sousuke#indie animation#fanart#rkgk#my art#giorgio looks more like my regular art style here#I botched jin kim’s art style on albie so bad I’m sorry#giorgio and winn are my favs if you couldn’t tell#pip is literally so me core#wish my favs would come to life from my sketchbook every night too (they probably would beef with each other I fear…)#definitely art blocked
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BABY FACE BABY FACE!!!!!!!! KSDJDHG LFFKL WHY IS HE SUCH A CUTIE PATOOTIE
embarrassingly long ramble and wintersberg drawing below the cut:
lmao, I finished the GG playthrough of re8 the other day and uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
anyway yeah. Don't even know what to write about it cuz it sorta overtook me with no warning, and idk shit about resident evil but here we are.
I read mushrooms and magnets on ao3, i did the frowned upon thing and went straight to most kodo-ed (i KNOW it's wrong but i didn't feel like searching!! I just wanted to Read. If I stick around any longer I WILL read other things too), and I feel like that's probably a rite of passage in the ethan/heisenberg wing of this fandom. Blasted through it in like 3 days. Anyway, like, 3 quarters through it I realized I never took it upon myself to see what ethan looks like? I just assumed he had Typical White Guy Face, which yeah, he does, but after an image search.... I never realized he had such a baby face skjdgf sksjfh PRETTY BOY PRETTY BOY
So then I drew him. And I drew heisenberg too, although I need more practice with him. Plus I think I got gassed out for the night, after drawing ethan. it's really hot and it can be hard to remember how to draw for fun after doing so many commissions.
One of my go to drawing visions is one character in profile, and the other character all up in their face in a pseudo profile, 3/4, tilted angle. And idk why I keep doing that, because I fuck it up at least half the time. Ethan looks good here, heisenberg does Not. I need better references of him. Seriously, if someone has a karl heisenberg folder on their phone with a crap ton of pictures of his face from different angles, PLEASE send me some. I need a clear one of him in profile. All the ones on google have his face obscured by his hat, glasses, both, and he's always in dark lighting. Ironic that the one who's face you never see has better reference pictures.
Kinda considering doing a GG animated for the moment where ethan's like "I just want to fix my daughter!" and arin (as heisenberg) says "uh, she's in four pieces," because it cracked me up so damn hard. His voice is so dumb. I love him.
This came outta nowhere but hahaha oh well, my interests change on the wings of the wind (wings of the wind = what the grumps are uploading)
#WHY am i typing so much aaahhhh someone make me stop#feeling manic this tuesday#someone help dsjgfkhjgjfdkj#I just wanna get over my fear of posting things that look bad#so take this#re8#ethan winters#karl heisenberg#lord heisenberg#ethan x heisenberg#wintersberg#resident evil#resident evil fanart#resident evil village#sketchbook
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