#i faced a lot of ableism at that con

[velvetvexations]

I was commissioned to write how I'd torture someone without minding for how sexy other people may or may not find it. To my genuine but pleasant surprise the commissioner really did love it, so I thought I'd post it on here.

Warning:

The following artistic exploration of a hypothetical relationship between a dom and sub is very intense, and portrays extreme abuse that should never happen IRL, so please take the time to think about if that may be triggering for you before clicking through. It's told in the second-person, which may make it worse. Content warning for physical abuse, emotional abuse, non-con, drugging, unsanitary, gaslighting, isolation, misgendering towards the dom, and ableism.

Please keep yourself safe, your comfort matters. <3

Object of Affection

The day starts with you walking groggily into the dining room in nothing but the underwear I’ve been making you wear for a couple of weeks now. You look like you have eyes full of sand. You’re late, by the way. I’d have liked us to have left the house thirty minutes ago, but you had to sleep in.

You’re so selfish. But I forgive you.

You look directly at my breasts, because that’s the center of my personality and you have to address it like you would anyone elses face, and start to say something stupid, I don’t really care what. My hand is smacking into your face before you can get the full sentence out. That’s how I say good morning, sometimes. I laugh and tell you how cute you are, stumbling around like you’re drunk. The medicine I put in your drink last night really knocked you the fuck out, didn’t it? It’s a miracle you were able to wake up at all. I know it makes you a little more useless the morning after, but since I love you and I wanted to hurt you down there especially bad last night, I decided you’d be better off sleeping through it. It’s okay, you’ll be sore for ages and ages, you’ll still get to suffer for me, don’t worry.

To make sure you get the point, I grab you between the legs and squeeze as hard as I can. Pain shoots through you like lightning as you whimper and quietly beg me to stop, which makes me laugh, because it’s so funny for you to think you have any say in things. I put you to sleep because I’m so nice, and I chose to, but when I want you to hurt you’re going to hurt, and you’re going to thank me for it.

You fall to the ground and hit your head hard against the floor, because I pushed you, but later I’m going to tell you slipped and fell. My foot comes down hard on your groin, pressing into it with all my weight as I tell you to say thank you.

Go on, I growl, say it. And you do, through a pained moan that makes me want to beat the shit out of you even more, but I press a little harder and remind you you’re supposed to say “thank you, Daddy.”

It’s funny how hard that was for you at first. You were so nervous about misgendering a trans woman, but I loved seeing you squirm as you forced the words out of your mouth. It just sucks that you’re used to it now. It’s hard thinking of offensive things I haven’t made you do or say just to watch you look so uncomfortable you could just about die. I’m going to have to come up with a lot more, but first I’m going to take you out on a nice date.

I know you don’t like what I dress you in, but I do, and that’s all that matters. I have to literally do it for you since you’re too stupid to put your clothes on yourself. I drag your hot pants up for you, help your head and arms into your tank top with WHORE written across it in glitter, and I kiss you on the cheek for being such a good pet. Then I put on your lipstick, cherry red today, because it’s your turn to kiss me.

You get down on your knees, because I don’t go out unless people can see your devotion to me, so we’ve done this a thousand times. I turn around, and you press your lips right up against the seat of my pants, your lips flattening as you did your best to leave a big, colorful mark. Then, knowing how much you hate it, I rip ass right in your face, and chuckle at the fact that you’ve been trained to inhale like you desperately need my gas to live. You can be so well-behaved sometimes, thanks to me being patient enough to to train you.

I grab you by your hair and pull you to your feet, but before we leave, I clasp your collar around your neck, one last finishing touch. I like you down on your hands and knees, crawling next to me as I hold your leash tight, ready to yank whenever I want. I have to do that a lot, since you keep falling behind – and why? Just because the mall is a quarter mile away and you’re bruising your knees something awful? Poor thing. I don’t really care, though, beyond the fact that it gives me something else to yell at you for. And it’s not my fault how warm it is for Autumn, either. Why should I care if you have to put your hands down on far too hot concrete? You know that if you keep complaining I’m going to turn around and throw a kick right into your stomach, so you finally shut up.

As we walk, I notice someone doing yard work gawking at us. That’s the best part of going out together, getting to show off our love. I wonder what he’s thinking. Probably nothing too bad about me, but you, the one who’s crawling like a dog? He probably knows what a freak you are on sight. Someone who wants to be treated like this. Someone who finds fulfillment in being my little pet clown. I almost want to drag you over to him just to see the disgust in his eyes as you get closer, but we wouldn’t want to get too distracted, now would we? If we stopped for everyone who judged you we’d make it home in a few hundred years and not a moment sooner.

In the mall, things are a little different. I let you on your feet, if only because the sound of your knees on the polished floor annoy the shit out of me. Doesn’t stop people from staring, considering you’re still on a leash. Then I remind you of that you had to do for me the next time we went out.

A look of pained confusion crosses your face, then resignation, and you do like I explained to you the day before, sticking your finger right up your nose, digging for a solid minute or two. I bet you look even stupider to anyone who isn’t used to you having nothing between the ears. I can’t tell, because I’ve just internalized it and fully expect you to be as much of a ridiculous dumbass as you are, but everyone else is seeing you blatantly pick your nose and wondering what kind of idiot you have to be to not be embarrassed by your behavior.

You are embarrassed though, of course, or why else would I have you do it? I revel in how red your face is getting, or how you keep nervously looking around to watch people watch you. You must just be an attention whore. It says “whore” on your shirt, doesn’t it? Just be grateful I let you wipe the snot off on your pants instead of sticking it in your mouth and eating it. Maybe next time, if you piss me off.

I take you into the alt-goth store, because I have shit I want to buy, and if I see anything that’d make you look cringe we’ll grab that too. My tits are too big for everything they have here, or most other places for that matter, but that’s fine because it makes them even more noticeable, so I’m not complaining when we go into the dressing room and you watch with slack-jawed awe as my boobs nearly tear through something that would have been too small on me even if I were flat as a board. I notice how affected you are by my magnificence, so I smile and take the shirt off to let you stare at them in their full glory, barely contained by a bra I needed custom-made.

There’s no warning when I suddenly reel you in by your leash with a violent tug, letting your face fall right into my cleavage. I put my hand on the back of your head to keep you there as your training takes over and you start muttering “I love Daddy’s boobs, I love Daddy’s boobs, I love Daddy’s boobs…” like a broken record. I laugh because I can’t even remember if you were this into tits until I terrorized you into worshiping mine.

Remember how I broke a finger every time you looked me in the eyes instead of my chest? I bet every stray glimpse of my face still makes you relive that just a little. Now you’ll never make that mistake again, and I’m as proud of you as anyone can be proud of such a useless loser. Which isn’t much. You know I’m the only person who can stand to put up with you, you’re not capable of eliciting affection from others, but I’m built different and I can manage to put aside my disgust at your existence to take care of you.

And I do take care of you. Aside from putting your clothes on, I also fix your hair, brush your teeth, occasionally wash you with the garden hose, and even help you in the bathroom because you’d probably fuck that up too if you didn’t have me to do everything for you. I don’t care how long you think you’d been doing just fine with those little tasks, even generously assuming you really do believe that at all and aren’t just trying to get out of the tedium of personal hygiene like a lazy slob. The only reason I’m not certain it’s the latter is that I know you really are dumb enough to believe your own imagination.

The fact is, I’m in charge of you and if I wasn’t you’d probably be dead by now, because no one else has ever really loved you. We’ve talked about that more than enough for it to sink into your soul and understand that your friends and family were always just lying whenever it seemed like they might have cared for you even a little bit. You were an annoying burden to them and wherever they are now they’re infinitely happier since I removed you from their lives.

I start to get all sentimental now, sitting down on the dressing room with your face nestled into my chest, petting softly down your neck. You’re mine and I love you. I love you so much. I know our relationship doesn’t make sense to you, because you can’t make sense of kindergarten math, but it’s odd to other people too, you know. They don’t understand that you’re not my partner, you’re my object of affection. More than anyone else I want to hurt you, forever and always until death do us part. I’m happy to stay monogamous because no matter how attractive someone else would look crying as they gagged on my cock, you’re my object, and you alone.

I reach down and squeeze your groin again. You start to quietly sob, tearfully thanking me to hurting you, because you know you deserve it. I start to get excited, and so, so full of love for my object, that I push you off me and onto the floor and take my cock out. Your eyes go wide, transfixed as you get to see your favorite show – your Daddy jerking off. You sit there and stare, the closest thing to sex you’ve ever had or ever will have, consciously at least, and bite your lip with tense passion. This is our equivalent of making love.

I tell you to get out of the way when I’m close, because I don’t want my cum ever interacting with you, and I get off, completely independent of you. It used to make you sad, but now you know it was silly to think you could ever be sexually desirable or worthy of normal human intimacy. Watching me masturbate is all you get and you’ve learned to be satisfied with it.

We hit a few more stores and get some Chinese to eat. I feed you, of course, gently placing every bite into your mouth because even that’s beyond your ability to achieve on a consistent basis and I won’t even let you try to prove otherwise. It’s either me feeding you or lowering your face onto your plate and slurping it up like an animal, which may be more personally humiliating for you, but I like rubbing in how much you rely on me as often as possible.

When we go home, you assume your usual position in front of the couch, still on your hands and knees but at least the floor here is so much cooler than the sidewalk. I toss my feet up on your back to use you as a footstool while I fuck around on the internet. I don’t pay a lot of attention to you, but every now and then I glance over at you as you struggle to remain in position, and I smile, and even without looking you can feel my smile hitting you like a cannonball as I think of ways I want to hurt you next.

Because I love you.

______________________________________________________________

"Object of affection" as a role in a relationship was inspired by the following text, posted anonymously to one of /d/'s Globalized Fetish threads eleven years ago:

About 33% of the population grows incredibly possessive, narcissistic, and devoid of empathy. For them, owning, humiliating, and abusing another human becomes a pathological need. Without a person to objectify and mistreat these people become incredibly likely to commit well-planned, large-scale violent crimes. At first, volunteers are selected, but numbers are too few. In order to preserve order, the normal 66% of the population opt to force many, many, non-consenting individuals into lives where they are maltreated, humiliated, and have no right to consent, privacy, or decision-making. In time, punishing a crying "object of affection" in a public space, forcing them to feel misery, or displaying them in a shameful way becomes common.

[ingravinoveritas]

(**Warning: Spoilers for the OFMD 2 season finale follow. Read at your own risk.)

I've just watched the finale of season 2 of Our Flag Means Death, and it has stirred a lot of thoughts and feelings in me (as it has many of us, unquestionably). I had initially planned to include some of these thoughts in my review of GO 2 (which I still have not written), but the death of Izzy Hands (Con O'Neill) has brought back some of the feelings I had a few months ago, so I'd like to talk about the theme of ableism in GO 2 and OFMD.

Since the first season, Izzy Hands has seemingly been a polarizing figure, but there has been a clear emotional resonance on the part of fans toward him, and especially now in season 2. To have his arc and "redemption" come in such an ignominious fashion certainly feels like a slap in the face to those fans. I would characterize myself as "Izzy neutral" (that is, I did not hate him, but I didn't necessarily feel a deep connection to him, either), but what troubles me is how Izzy was ultimately treated as a disabled character.

Earlier in episode 8, the Revenge crew is jailed, and Prince Ricky pulls Izzy out of the cell to have a drink, and during this exchange Izzy says this line, which we had previously heard in one of the trailers:

It was Izzy who the writers/creative team specifically chose to have say this line, and because of that, I find it very difficult to swallow the idea that he was the one character who was later killed. That in the end, the character who speaks about belonging is the one who doesn't get to belong. As if he was there to further Ed's storyline, to be an object lesson for him, and was then disposable after that.

Further compounding the issue was the crew using Izzy's prosthetic leg as a grave marker (presumably under the assumption that he no longer needed it). But for many disabled people, prostheses and wheelchairs and other accommodations are what help us thrive in the world and are part of who we are, so to me, taking that away from him inadvertently diminished how complex and multifaceted Izzy had become as a character and seemingly reduced him to little more than a mascot.

As a person on the autism spectrum who works in the field of disability, Izzy's line about belonging resonated with me extremely deeply. For many of us who are neurodivergent or disabled, this is the stuff of our everyday lives--being told through childhood, adolescence, and even adulthood that we are nothing, and that our lives do not have value. I spent so many years searching for that sense of belonging, to know that I had a place in the world, and it was not something anyone could give to me, but something I had to fight for. To make that space, because no one else would.

As I've said before, while I have watched both shows, I am far more into and emotionally connected to GO than OFMD. This leads me to GO season 2, and the parallels to this that I saw there. In GO 2, we have the character of Saraqael (Liz Carr), who is an angel that uses a wheelchair (as does the actor who plays them). It's shown in one of the episodes that Saraqael's power is to miracle wheelchair ramps everywhere they go, and in nearly all of the reviews and articles I've read about the second season, this trait is met with widespread praise.

But to me it mirrored precisely what we see in real life--that is, that the burden of accessibility is often placed on disabled people ourselves. I would have loved to have seen one of the able-bodied angels have not only the power, but the desire to create those ramps. It was disheartening to me to think that even in a seemingly ideal place like Heaven (although we know it certainly isn't), it is the disabled character who has to create a place for themselves.

The character choices around Saraqael and Izzy are something I would describe as benevolent ableism, in that while no harm was likely intended, it still reinforces long-ingrained prejudices and ideas about disability. There is so much intersectionality between queerness and disability as well, and so it is disappointing to see an opportunity to have that idea of "belonging" encompass every character only encompass certain characters instead.

I truly think this will only change if and when we have disabled people behind the camera as well as in front of it. And I hope that day comes sooner rather than later so that all of the fans who see themselves in Izzy or Saraqael are not left feeling the way they do now...

[ilovescaredysquirrel2]

The FOP reboot looks better than the original...

Okay, here's a confession I have to make, I never liked the Fairly Odd Parents! Even as a kid, it didn't impress me that much. It was one of those shows I just watched because it was on constantly and I was bored (I should have been watching more kids shows on Xfinity On Demand, instead). I whole heartedly REGRET watching the Fairy Odd Parents! If I could go back and watch other shows instead, I would. Fairy Odd parents was really not a good show for kids, either. Even if you find it funny as an adult, it's still a terrible show. It's offensive in so many ways. I mean, I'm not really a slapstick humor type of person, but you can't deny that the show had it's fair share of offensive jokes, plus the fact that all the female characters weren't reliable except for Wanda, who could even be kind of a b*tch at times.

Okay, I'll address the sexism in Fairy odd parents and why I hate the show. Look at it! The girl that Timmy liked was always a stuck up snob (plus she's Asian and Butch Hartman is racist), Timmy's mom was an airhead dumb idiot and neglectful, and then the babysitter was a crazy psychopath (plus she was a teen and I hate when children are portrayed as crazy and psycho). I'm not done yet, look at how the bodies were drawn on most of the female characters too! Skinny waists with super curvy bodies, I hate that character design in any show or movie. I complain about it with Disney princesses like Ariel and Jasmine, and I complain about it with Total Drama characters. I hope that kind of character design for female characters will become extinct someday.

Also, there were a lot of racist jokes in the OG Fairy odd parents as well, and I hope that the reboot doesn't have that. My bestie is Scottish-Canadian, and she was really offended when they had that scene with the kilts and made fun of her culture. I mean, the show went on for so long that you probably don't remember every little offensive joke or innuendo in the movie, but there were a lot of racist and sexist jokes, and I think there was even some ableist ones as well. I'm NOT making thing up, I swear! I mean, people call everything racist nowadays, and I'm not one of those people who point out every little stereotype, I just want people to realize how awful Fairly Odd Parents was and how often they had those types of jokes. They made fun of country/rural people as well, and I think a lot of different ethnicities. I'll talk about the ableism in a minute...

Apparently Butch Hartman was ableist, which I wouldn't be surprised knowing all the other things about him, and I remember when Fairly odd parents made fun of a guy with a huge pimple on his face, and also a character who was in a wheelchair. I don't know why that show went on for 20 years but I'm glad it ended... until 2024 when they wasted money on a reboot that doesn't look as bad as the original. Everybody's crying because Timmy's black now, but I don't give a crap what skin color they made "him" (they have a black female protagonist to hide the fact that Butch is a sexist and racist d*ckhead). They could have spent money on a CatDog reboot or gave Harvey Beaks a second chance instead but they chose Nickelodeon's most overrated cartoon.

Here's another thing about Butch Fartman that makes him a sh**ty person, he made an episode called "Channel Chasers" where he literally made fun of other kids shows, trying to act like his crappy show was better than the more family like ones. Some of the other shows he made fun of were Rugrats, Blue's Clues, and Sesame street, and neither of those deserve to be made fun of. He's got such an ego and we should throw him off his high horse and acknowledge how bad his shows were. I just think making fun of innocent kids shows in a show that's not really meant for kids, is a really lame thing to do.

If you made it this far, thank you! If you like Fairy odd parents, I hope I made you change your mind. If I didn't, okay then. I'm just confessing about one of my most hated cartoons, and I'm going to address how I feel about Vivziepoop and her shows next (sorry to Hazbin Hotel fans, but I seen some things in it that triggered me). Well, thanks for reading anyways and TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS! If you disagree, I'd like to know your opinions on why.

[fallenfromgrxce]

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[jirnkirks]

SNW Thoughts for season 1, be wary of spoilers

Pros:

1. T'Pring and Chapel and M'Benga kiss kiss i lov u more screentime for my loves its not deep stuff but im glad we see more of them

2. Does og trek vibes pretty well!!!

3. Generally more fun and i think indiv eps are jsut better

Cons

1. I do feel like. This series. Is kind of quietly... More xenophobic??? Against aliens, sure but still generally like. Gorn are now full on Predator WHOA DISTRACTED BY FIRST SIGHTING OF HIM KIRK ON MY SCREEN RN ok anyway we have Romulans again and the Omelas planet i think its no the WORSE exactly but the Gorn's species being a full on Predator species rather than the humanity afforded to the other evil species feels. Weird? Because like. Cardassians being people is why you have Garak and all the some levels of you know. Humanity. Even Borg had that individuals could be saved. And I think painting the Gorn as an evil species isnt locked in yet but I think is entirely what Trek SHOULDNT be about. Because rn the way its portrayed, theres no real way to turn Gotn into people yknow. I also really really hate that theyve killed the bridge crew whos very obviously an alien

2. Distraction ep 10 s1 really makijg use of the dramatic TOS lightning

2. This is my problems w the Spock ships that idk why no one talks about. And i say this as someone whos tentatively digging spock/tpring and spirk lover but. Arghhh i like chapel so much but i hate that we have to sit through chapel/spock BECAUSE WE ALREADY HAD TO SEE THAT bro i hate that TOS kept making Chapel about Spock so i do have that gut hatred towards any spock/chapel. And Im really apprehensive on Tpring because what kind of character assassination are they gonna pull.... I do like to TPring just makes sense in TOS still

3. The ableism... First i do hate rukiya getting the "shes in the big castle in the sky" treatment. Not even curing her needed, but like yknow give her space chemo. And of course Pike. Rukiya is also just part of it but like- Its this feeling that SNW is makijg everything binary. Not just their opinions of actions- but writing things in such a way that there is no logical way to make it anything but a binary. Like Rukiya can ONLY be saved by disappearing or she WILL die (this one not so much). But also, Pike is like. Is so weird. Look fully- it doesnt feel great that Pikes faith is some big evil bad that can't be worked on. But also I think its kind of understandable in the sense that- Pike is gonna get locked in syndrome. Frankly, the burns the wheelchair use- those arent uncommon and more importantly, while they can affect QoL its hardly some death sentence. A lot of people live through it, adjust and adapt. But locked in syndrome? Is like? I have mixed feelings

This is where- as an abled person and I think for understandable reasons, its definitely a lot to face. But also. I think most people would say locked in syndrome is not reflective of most disabilities or wheelchair users! Hell TOS even foretold (influenced?) the use of brainwaves to communicate. Not wild to imagine... Some kind something to either improve his QoL without also swinging the extreme where Pike is totally abled.

Its!! Frustrating!!! Because its so deeply unempathic, to showcase disability like this. But also i think they choose to write themselves into the corner, because they choose to think that disabilities and injuries are life ending, that there's no way to improve qol, to adapt or to just. Portray the reality of disabilities? Like i do feel like (Was that scotty OH MY GOD IT IS) that SNW is writing themselves into this corner because their world view is so deeply jaded- that we are scared of aliens, therefore they must be unforgivingly impossibly evil. That im scared of my future- therefore it must be completely and totally hopeless.

It definitely!!! Has moments!!! Of good!!! But a lot of the grander and more long term arcs (pike's menagerie future and possibly gorn war) seems. Heugh.

Romulan war be romulaning- i dont care for it either but yknow. At least so far theyre kinda more multifaceted?

I do personally think like- these thoughts are long but i do overall think of SNW positively and much of my concerns hinge on execution that has not finished or occurred.

But. Well. Whats a trek series without problems.

[melancholyofinvisibleshores]

I really like the personal aspect of this one @bliss-bliss-bliss-bliss, but I think we are approaching this conversation from the wrong angle. You see, we both value respecting someone's identity and see new ways of expressing that as a way of language evolving to accommodate humanity's needs. To us, language is a tool capable of changing to work better and it does not confer validity to reality.

None of that applies to op, who seems convinced that reality has to fit in pre-made labels, regardless of how well they work to describe someone or not. In this worldview, labels are not just a matter of self-expression and communication, but they are ontological rules set presumably by the enlightened powers of the divine gay lords, and we have to abide by them because otherwise, some unspecified damage will occur. This also explains the "words that have been used as slurs can't be reclaimed" mindset: it is a result of giving ontological value to a term. Now, this is ridiculous of course: DON'T HAVE AN INTRINSIC ONTOLOGICAL VALUE AND THEIR MEANING CAN CHANGE. THAT IS WHAT THE POINT OF RECLAIMING IS: CHANGE THE MEANING TO EMPOWER YOURSELF AND WEAKEN THE ENEMIES.

Now, about this little thing. Ok first of all: not the meaning of narcissistic, or self-obsessive. You can feel cool about any aspect of yourself whenever you want; it just means that you are living your best life, not that you have a personality disorder, that's ableism. I also like the implication that sexuality is less important than personality... I don't even know the logic here, it just seems anti-sex prejudice bleeding into sexuality discourse and it's kind of insensitive towards people who reclaimed their sexuality and find it a defining aspect of their personhood (I heard a lot of victims of abuse talk about this but I think it applies to other experiences, as well).

Second, the fact that there is no reward is not and was never the reason behind the use of the queer label. I said it in response to the fact that you were trying to shame people into being normal, hence the comment. Let me rephrase: the "plz just be normal or you will look bad" game doesn't work on queer people, they never strived to be normal and never will, give up.

Third, queer people exist in ways that are not aligned with the canons of hetero/cisnormative society, which is already othering them or shaming (and threatening) them into submission. No one "others oneself", you find a way to love the things that made you different and "other" and destroy the shame. It's a middle finger to the pressure to conform that people make in the face of adversity, it will never be an act of passive self-flagellation. Furthermore, no one is going to think less of gays because some people call themselves queer; there are just more words to use (people can just say "I am an old school gay bear, ya know" & no one is going to kill them for it).

Fourth, I am really sorry to hear that people don't respect your identity and I find it really creepy and weird (I never met a single person that didn't stop calling someone queer when they said that they disliked it). However, this has nothing to do with the point you were making in the post (you know? the thing I was responding to?): it was specifically about other people not being normal and you dictating what other people should use as a label (& random hate on pansexual people). AND YOU PROVE MY POINT BY SAYING THAT BEING MISLABELED HURT YOU. LIKE. YOU UNDERSTAND THE PROBLEM ON AN EMOTIONAL LEVEL. NOW THINK: MAYBE QUEER PEOPLE FEEL THE SAME WAY WHEN YOU INSIST THAT THEY AREN'T WHAT THEY SAY THEY ARE. PANSEXUAL FEEL BAD WHEN YOU INSIST THAT THEY ARE BI. WHY ARE THEIR FEELINGS AND THEIR IDENTITY LESS VALUABLE THAN YOURS??? YOU STILL HAVE GIVEN NO REASON ASIDE FROM YOUR PERSONAL DISLIKE. PLEASE. THINK.

I was also going to address the reclaimed use of "bitch" and the f-slur in some context, but honestly I can't believe someone in 2023 still considers bitch primarily as a derogative against women. There are so many pop songs about being a bad bitch (in the cool sense) and so many memes about this sort of thing... Same thing about the f-slur being reclaimed in a lot of gay spaces... It just is, but whatever, I'm tired. Not gonna lose sleep knowing there is yet another anti-queer person around, y'all are the sad norm.

queer queer queer. SHUT THE FUCK UP. just say gay. just be normal and say gay i’m begging you.

[thatonegaytimelord]

Mandip Gill is the coolest person ever. we met her at the autograph table and made sure she was okay with the dogs. then later on at the duo photo shoot jodie said she’d stand in to save mandip because she’s got a huge fear, but she said “don’t worry it’s okay, i know these dogs!”

at the autograph table mandip asked how i was, and i said i was a bit anxious and she said “uh, why?!” genuinely treated me like i was an old friend, ready to punch anyone who had upset me. i explained that i have anxiety and this is my first outing since before lockdown and she was so encouraging and said we could do it! she was so lovely, ill never not hype her up. the coolest person, i’m glad i got to meet her

at the photoshoot, i checked with her again and made sure she was alright and she said “yeah i’m good! thank you so much for asking tho!!” and jodie said the costume i made was brilliant and she gave me a little cuddle. it was so fast but so so sweet. i also think bonnie ended up sitting on jodie’s foot too.

bonnie also did brilliantly well. I absolutely couldn’t have done that convention without her. there were so many distractions and she kept her focus, only going to people when i let her. she did so much DPT and kept my heart rate at a somewhat normal level. she also worked alongside another assistance dog throughout the whole day, and both of them were fantastic. for her first big day out, working in london, i rate her 15/10 stars. my little superhero!!

[blindbeta]

Things I Want to See More of/Less of in Blind Characters

Format borrowed from WritingWithColor]

Note: This is not an excuse to harass blind/visually impaired/low vision writers writing in the ‘Less of’ category. You’ll see I have included several instances where a story should be written by a blind writer. You should also consider that blind writers have a lot more insight and flexibility about what they can write than you do, by nature of being blind themselves and therefore able to portray things in a more nuanced way. They cannot misrepresent themselves.]

Here are some things I personally would like to see in stories about blind characters!

-Characters with varying types of blindness.

I wanted to include more information at the request of my followers who felt confused by some of the wording, so I have edited this post as of 2022.

Types of blindness include: cortical blindness, progressive vision loss, blind spots, total blindness (meaning no light perception), characters with only light and shadow perception (note that some people also refer to themselves as ‘totally blind’ or ‘totally blind but with some light perception’ for ease of communication outside of medical contexts, but totally blind generally refers to people without any light perception at all), eyes with differing kinds of blindness (partial blindness, total blindness in one eye but not the other, etc), characters with low vision in both eyes, characters with prosthetic eyes. Keep in mind that visual acuity is measured through a person’s best eye with best correction.

-Blind main characters. Blind heroes and blind villains. Blind love interests!

-Blind characters who are considered attractive or charismatic

-LGBTQ blind characters! Polyamorous blind characters. Blind characters with additional disabilities. Blind characters of color.

-Active blind characters: in sports, martial arts, theatre, nature-y things, and art. Blind characters doing unexpected things. Playing instruments, being competitive, etc. This also applies to jobs.

-To add to the last point: I want to see them using adaptive technology or skills rather than magic that completely erases their disability. So rather than magic that enables someone to read, magic or technology that reads to them, like real-world technologies, or use of Braille.

-Using technology. Using phones, especially modern phones which have more accessibility options. Too many people don’t believe blind people can use phones and if you perpetuate that idea in your modern styled narrative, you need to fix it. Blind people also have radios, TVs, etc, and they do use them.

-Reading and writing in Braille

-Using canes, guide dogs, or a combination of both. Learn the pros and cons of these and maybe include more than one for different characters

-Stories with more than one blind character. Especially stories with blind characters interacting and having a sense of community, perhaps exploring diversity of opinions and ways of navigating the world. One thing I try to show on this blog is that blind people are diverse even in how they interact with their blindness.

-inventions or magic for blind people being invented/developed BY blind people

-acknowledgment of difficulties that blind people face: economic challenges, ableism from family (although stories focusing on this as a plot/theme just might be best left up to blind writers), barriers in transportation due to being unable to drive, lack of accessibility in entertainment and education

Things I Want To See Less Of:

Blind characters: -being portrayed as sad or broken because of blindness

-wanting to be sighted

-hating their glasses or canes

-being innocent, helpless, or unrealistically kind and selfless only because of their blindness

-being portrayed as ungrateful or rude in general but mostly when refusing help they don’t need. Characters like Toph are fine because her attitude has nothing to do with her blindness when refusing to make strangers feel good.

-being portrayed as rich or overly privileged in order to portray the character as spoiled/ungrateful, particularly for refusing unnecessary help or for asking for accessibility. [This worked with Toph because riches and privilege were used to explore different sides of her, such as a more socially competent/powerful side. It is important to remember that many disabled people struggle with income and finding employment due to various factors such as ableism in hiring, transportation difficulties, lack of accessibility in the workplace, changing vision conditions and other resulting health problems.]

-going blind due to accidents or trauma. I want to see this less often, as the leading causes of blindness today are unrelated to tragic accidents/incidents. The leading causes of blindness worldwide, according to the World Health Organization in 2022, are uncorrected refractive errors and cataracts. Workplace accidents, however, are the exception to this according to my research. In instances where you want to write a character going blind due to accidents, incidents, or other traumatic injury, it is helpful to consider how blindness is often portrayed as tragic. Narratives about traumatic accidents can strengthen the idea that blindness itself is inherently traumatic and tragic, even for those who are born blind. It can also increase the misconception that an accident is the most common cause of blindness. Because this idea is so strong, I usually prefer to avoid characters going blind through one-off traumatic accidents, and instead prefer characters going blind through other ways. However, if someone wishes to write characters going blind this way, such as due to a workplace accident, it is helpful to make an effort to separate trauma from the blindness itself where possible, rather than focusing on blindness as trauma throughout the story. These posts may help: one and two.

-avoiding certain words. Blind people do not go out of their way to avoid sight-related expressions unless it is an ironic joke. No one casually says ‘I was listening to a show’ unless it is audio-only. “Listening to a show on TV’ is not a thing unless it was on in the background- ‘watch’ is perfectly acceptable

-blind characters being ‘cured’, at least when they have conditions that cannot be cured completely or at all, such as Retinitis Pigmentosa—and, no, fantasy is not an excuse. The cure narrative is especially common for totally blind characters who have never been able to see, which would require lots of adjustment in real life. Cures also tend to erase blind characters from stories. I feel that stories like this are best left up to blind writers themselves. However, this post may help when writing a blind character’s remaining vision improving, complete with an addition from a person who had visual rehabilitation.

Of course, if you want to try writing some of these things, you are free to do so! I suggest consulting with a few blind people either way. My intention is not to hold anyone back, but to make people think. Many of my readers ask questions I had not considered and it is fantastic to engage with people thinking on this post and how to make some of these things work well in their stories.

[sideblogformindtrash]

Orfeu, you should explain to the boys why they shouldn’t touch your toys.

cw: nsfw/no-con; ableism; body dysmorphia; low self-esteem; depressive behavior; pet whump;

...He decided to separate them for this one, in order not to embarass Blue. This would be… A weird conversation. Haru possibly had no clue about the box, but it was better to warn him and avoid anything like that happening again. He just hoped knowing about that didn’t scare him more.

Blue would be… More complicated, this time. Even now, he wasn’t even sure what he was thinking then, and Blue was depressed, spending most of the days just curled up in bed with Bonnie. He even missed one of IF’s streams, not in the mood to go virtual kill him. 

He entered the bedroom, making sure he was making some noise not to scare Blue. He sat besides the little shape under the blankets. He seemed to turn away. 

“Blue… Please. Talk to me”

...After a moment, Blue sighed, pushed the blankets away and sat on bed, a blank expression.

“Yes, Master”

“...Don’t ‘yes, master’ me now, Blue. I’m worried about you” 

Blue’s expression didn’t change, but he focused away, on the wall. Far away.

“I never meant for you to find that box. I thought it was hidden well enough. Those toys… They are mine and for my use only. For my work-”

“Blue knows. S-sorry B-blue is a bad pet” 

And he laid on bed again, pulling the blankets up to its face.

“...Blue… You were hurting yourself-”

“And t-that’s o-one of M-master’s rules. Y-yeah, B-blue knows. P-punish B-blue”

“You know I won’t”

...Blue bit the edge of the blanket… And screamed.

“W-w-why is B-b-blue n-not good enough? I-is it, b-b-because Blue is u-ugly? Is, Is B-blue too grotesque for Master!?” Blue snapped up, tears streaming down his face, leaning towards Orfeu “...Have m-me, P-please…”

He placed a hand on his chest, and pushed him back as kindly as he could.

“Blue, that’s not the point”

“...Master thinks Blue is disgusting! And, filthy and-”

“No I don’t and please don’t just assume this stuff” He sighed, annoyed for once “Blue you aren’t disgusting, or any of those things, and maybe if we had met on different circumstances then yeah, we could do it, but as is, no, and it’s not because of your body. Blue I’m your caretaker and your main support system at the moment. The power imbalance is huge, you are vulnerable, and honestly I don’t even believe you want this”

“...B-blue does! B-blue wants to… To be… loved…”

...Orfeu’s expression softens a bit. So that 's it, hm. That’s some Warren bullshit he is speaking.

“I do love you, Blue. A lot. But, there are more ways to love someone than just one. And sometimes, love is saying no because it’s the best for you, even if seems like it hurts you on the short term”

Blue let his head hang, sinking his face in his hands. Fuck, he look so ashamed, and Orfeu just… wanted to take that all away. 

“...I feel repulsive” And his voice was just heartbreaking. Every little moment when Blue let his true feelings shine through the ‘pet’, was always heartbreaking. 

“We will figure this out… Cecil, I promise” 

Blue looked at him slightly. Orfeu wasn’t sure what the name change caused him at this moment, but it just… felt right. He just hoped they did figure it out.

[fannishcodex]

Interesting meta from cruelfeline and others inspired my idea for a role swap AU where the main swap is between Hordak and Adora! There are other character swaps in the AU too, or swap variations.

Hordak is the latest Prim-Al, a living weapon that a First Ones faction clones over and over again each time one perishes in battle. FO created Prim-Al in response to their magitech AI Light Hope going rogue and constructing her own army of androids she calls the She-Ra. 

More under the cut, including Queen Adora, leader of the Etherian Alliance and stranded android still loyal to her creator, and her discovery of a baby Hordak (Content Warnings: ableism; child abuse; Catra is a villain and completes her transformation into a Shadow Weaver-like figure, and the implications of that):

But first, a little more summed up detail on Prim-Al’s deal, because there’s more to it:

-Hordak’s genetic template is a mysterious Subject A. The FO took preserved samples of Subject A to continually make clones of him for Prim-Al. 

-FO also made a digital copy of Subject A’s mind, a magitech AI named Prime. As a digital clone of an organic mind, much of him acts like an organic mind. Though FO has added some heavy programming and other alterations, they’ve tried to leave much of the organic-based behavior intact for multiple reasons--as an ongoing experiment in digital clones of minds, as an attempt to deter another rogue AI by trying to make this AI more aligned with organics (in contrast, RS!Light Hope was generally not based on an individual’s organic mind, she is not a digital clone like RS!Prime).

(Magitech is what it sounds like--a typically powerful fusion of magic and technology.)

-AI Prime is contained in the RS!Sword of Protection, and is actually the key to its power.

-The clones are actually vessels that channel magitech AI Prime through the sword. When a clone holds the sword, they sync with AI Prime inside, and together they essentially fuse and transform into Prim-Al.

-Prim-Al occurs in two stages. The first stage has some boost in power, some physical changes in body and clothes. The last stage has a greater boost in power and more physical changes--aged up (to a certain point), more muscular, longer hair, clothes, etc.

-AI Prime will only grant power to the clones/can only sync with the clones because they share a blood connection to the organic mind he was based on. This reaction is largely rooted in AI Prime’s magitech nature.

-Despite the death of Subject A, FO was able to preserve his mind and DNA to continue weaponizing him via biological and digital cloning. (The reasons for the FO’s focus on Subject A are also classified, though one can infer that Subject A possessed a power FO wanted to preserve and control....)

-AI Prime/the Sword of Protection is passed down through multiple iterations of Prim-Al.

-One of AI Prime’s functions is to also serve as a living archive of information, and so AI Prime remembers every Prim-Al. He is supposed to have this information available for new clone vessels to access.

-The clones do get names, but as they mature FO generally uses them less and refers to them as Prim-Al more. FO generally mistreat Prim-Al/clone vessels/AI Prime, seeing them as just weapons to keep under control.

FO doesn’t create a clone army because they’re honestly paranoid about creating another powerful enemy; they think that just one Prim-Al under selective limitations will grant them better control and avoid another Light Hope debacle. There are other classified reasons for this too. Also a FO faction created Prim-Al; the entirety of FO are embroiled in a civil war among each other as well as the war with Light Hope and other enemies.

The FO also put limitations on AI Prime for similar reasons, and all the more so because he’s an AI--they don’t want AI Prime to be another rogue AI like Light Hope.

Feel like sharing some design/tone notes:

Besides playing around with fusing traits from both Hordak and Horde Prime, I was also influenced by Link and the Master Sword in Breath of the Wild, as well as the Drifter in Hyper Light Drifter.

(Above: Base Form!RS!Adora is partly a drawover of a show image.)

The She-Ra units are magitech androids with a base form and a more powerful form they can transform into. This transformation is rooted in their magitech nature.

Gonna try to keep these notes on the art as more of a summary for now, and may reveal more specific details about the role swap AU later in separate text posts or even just keep it to later fic--also, still brainstorming, so material in the sketches and the text may change later; and also just felt like this art needed more context/clarification/background info:

(Baby!RS!Hordak is supposed to resemble canon!Imp, thanks to fic from/talking with @revasnaslan​. More info on that is below. Also yes, RS!Adora wrapped baby!RS!Hordak in her cape. :3)

FO preferred raising/training/indoctrinating the Prim-Al clone vessels from infancy, thinking this would give them greater control. They also thought it would make Prim-Al feel even more connected to organics and avoid sympathizing with any rogue AI like Light Hope.

RS!Adora finds the alien baby stranded on Etheria due to a wayward portal (like her situation), and she names him “Hordak” based on the little data she gets from the wrecked escape pod she finds him in. The data had only been text that read “Predecessor: Kadroh,” and she just reversed that name for the boy. RS!Adora names him as part of his paperwork, intending to have him sent to the infirmary with the other orphans, she can’t spend anymore time on him.

RS!Adora fought the Prim-Al before Hordak, but never knew his name was Kadroh. She doesn’t immediately see a resemblance between Hordak and Prim-Al because Hordak is a baby and she’s never really thought about Prim-Al being an organic infant before. Another significant thing is that like in @revasnaslan ‘s Where One Fell-verse fic, infants/children of Hordak’s species start completely blue, and then their faces turn white as they mature; also as @revasnaslan pointed out to me, there’s Imp, baby/child-like clone of Hordak without a white face. So RS!Adora slowly starts seeing the resemblance between Hordak and Prim-Al as Hordak’s growing up and his face starts turning white, and she honestly starts internally freaking out because by this point, between having to provide him medical assistance for his defect and having to spend more time with him than intended and watching him grow up more closely than she planned, RS!Adora is attached enough that the implications of Hordak somehow being the latest Prim-Al is distressing for her and provides a serious conflict with her loyalty to RS!Light Hope...

(Also just feel like saying that while I’m brainstorming that RS!Adora is kind of an android that’s been around for a while/like 1000+ years, I’m more in the camp that thinks that canon Hordak is actually quite young/not centuries old, even though he might have the potential for that/he can get that old later.)

There are more details on how baby RS!Hordak ends up on Etheria and the unique situation behind his birth, but that’s for another text post or fic.

RS!Adora passes herself off as an organic (even a native) while on Etheria. One metal arm is left exposed due to a minor glitch there that messes up the regen protocol for her synthetic skin; she pretends it’s just armor mainly for aesthetic/ceremonial purposes. But this is equivalent to a superficial scar, and it does not hinder or cause RS!Adora any great pain. Before Etheria she was considered one of RS!Light Hope’s perfect androids, and a random portal just plucked her from routine combat duty. (Light Hope didn’t really notice; any missing She-Ra units were assumed to be casualties of battle, and she had plenty more She-Ra units to replace any losses.) 

RS!Catra is a commander in RS!Adora’s Etherian Alliance. RS!Adora and RS!Catra have grown estranged while nominally on the same side. (I’ve been brainstorming RS!Adora/RS!Scorpia down the line after quite a few things go down.)

RS!Catra learned magic in Mystacor and RS!Light Spinner was her most influential mentor. RS!Catra’s specialty was transforming into a large predatory feline and other spells to strengthen her body. (I just keep getting more intrigued by original ‘80s Catra.)

When RS!Light Spinner roped RS!Catra into helping her with the Spell of Obtainment, things turned disastrous. The spell backfire warped RS!Catra, scarring her with a shadowy substance and granting her new shadow-like powers that made her vastly stronger, but the abrupt and traumatic change wrought by magic led to an initial period of insatiability and loss of control that resulted in RS!Catra transforming into an even larger, shadow-constructed feline that killed/devoured Light Spinner and other sorcerers investigating the commotion. RS!Catra flees Mystacor after this and eventually gains control over her new power, but grows more corrupt with it too, and is also left with a new hunger. Years later RS!Catra throws her lot in with the Alliance of monarchs and RS!Adora to solidify/take control of Etheria. (At the moment there’s tentatively another complicating factor with the Spell of Obtainment in this AU, but gonna leave that for another post or fic while I spend more time privately brainstorming it first.)

(Also RS!Catra’s design is very much based on her S3 finale corrupted form because I thought that was neat and that it could work in this AU. I also liked the idea of just using shadow magic to wrap around her and transform her into a large predatory shadow feline as a callback of her original ‘80s incarnation.)

Though RS!Adora is at the head of the Etherian Alliance with RS!Catra as her commander and essentially right hand, most of its high command is made of princesses and other monarchs/nobles who wished to tighten their control over Etheria. However, the Scorpion kingdom, Bright Moon, and Dryl resisted this agenda, and the Alliance considered them enemies and part of the rebels.

RS!Catra actually does just drop RS!Hordak off at the infirmary with the other orphans, complying with RS!Adora’s orders. Despite sensing some strong magic from RS!Hordak, RS!Catra’s content to leave him with the other orphans and just keep an eye on him for now.

(The magic RS!Catra’s sensing from RS!Hordak is something that can only be really triggered once he has the Sword of Protection.)

But when Hordak’s around four years old, his body starts breaking down/his defect becomes apparent. Many in the Alliance give up on the boy’s use as a soldier-in-training (or even use as a servant) and consider casting him out, despite RS!Adora’s insistence that they have enough resources to spare on providing the boy with ongoing medical assistance. (RS!Adora is motivated by a variety of things, including honoring Light Hope’s precept that all creatures have a place under her reign (until she orders otherwise); and at this point RS!Adora still feels some connection to her fellow portal traveler stranded on Etheria and feels compelled to try to help in this situation.) It’s then that RS!Catra steps in and takes in RS!Hordak as her ward. She still thinks he has use (she can still sense great magic from him) and sees this as an opportunity to position herself as the boy’s “savior” and really secure his loyalty.

Though the relationship between RS!Adora and RS!Catra is gradually deteriorating, the nature of RS!Catra’s true motives for taking in RS!Hordak is essentially lost on RS!Adora. While largely everyone in the Alliance had spurned the idea of keeping RS!Hordak around any longer now that he was defective--something RS!Adora found rather discouraging--RS!Catra’s the only one other than RS!Adora to express some interest in the boy. In the face of that much rejection, RS!Adora thinks that if RS!Catra wants to take RS!Hordak as her ward, she should have him.

RS!Adora constructs RS!Hordak’s first set of assistive armor. This eventually includes surgery and giving him ports for a closer/better connection to the armor. RS!Adora continues to treat RS!Hordak and maintain his armor, and helps educate him on how it works when he expresses interest in it and science/technology in general.

RS!Catra is not a good adoptive mother to RS!Hordak. She trains him brutally, pushes him as far as his defect will allow, telling him he needs to work harder to make up for his defect and keep up with everyone else. Her harsh words encourage his self-loathing, and she does aim to break him down to keep him compliant. She’s basically partly swapped with Shadow Weaver in this AU (partly since RS!Light Spinner isn’t really swapped, she’s partially in a “what if she was really on the wrong end of the Spell of Obtainment and was killed by its backfire like those Mystacor sorcerers were,” and also “what if Catra was her student at Mystacor instead of Micah.”)

For a long time RS!Hordak believes he deserves RS!Catra’s harsh treatment, and is afraid that she’ll cast him out if he’s not good enough. He’s aware that there’s no one else in the Alliance that would really take him in. He worries that RS!Adora would just withdraw her mercy and assistance if she realized how weak he really was, so he often tries to hide as much of that as he can from her, including signs of RS!Catra’s abusive treatment. RS!Catra sometimes softens with RS!Hordak--for example, she taught him how to drive a skiff and those were calm lessons, with RS!Catra less demanding and less harsh than when she trains him in combat--but she does not provide him with consistent care and continues to emotionally/verbally/mentally/physically abuse him.   

(Above: Definitely referenced a screenshot from the show. Not pictured: Probably RS!Prime losing his shit immediately after this and cursing RS!Catra out and maybe breaking out a recording of one of RS!Adora’s tongue-lashings to unsettle her.)

RS!Catra is furious when RS!Hordak finally runs away in his teens. Her relationship with him has become somewhat less business and more dangerously personal; she has developed a twisted affection for him as her adopted son, and that makes her reactions even more volatile and harsh when he runs away. RS!Catra does not react well to RS!Hordak’s attempts to escape her.

(When RS!Hordak leaves the Etherian Alliance, he’s a little younger than canon!Adora when she leaves the Etherian Horde due to some reasons that’ll be saved for another text post or fic.)

RS!Hordak isn’t used to getting encouragement from an authority figure/older adult, it always startles him whenever it happens.

(Playing around with role swap AU--also felt like having RS!AI Prime be softer than both canon!Light Hope and canon!Horde Prime, and that’s included him being more supportive/encouraging and even more snarky/playful as another sketch comic indicated above [though part of his humor is just like a result of--he’s pretty old, some inhibitions have just dropped over time and he’s seen quite a few things just repeat over and over, and part of his response to that is to sometimes act more flippant].)

While previous Prim-Al have had some slight variations in appearance depending on the individual clone vessel’s clothing/scars/etc., Hordak’s Prim-Al transformation is the most drastically different. All of his older clone-brothers have had white hair and yellow eyes, and so their Prim-Al transformations have had long white hair and one yellow eye, while the rest turned green and gained visible pupils. Hordak has blue hair and red eyes, and so his Prim-Al transformation reflects that more--the red eye stays, and Prim-Al now has blue hair with a few streaks of white. He has clothes with a primary color scheme of black-and-red instead of black-and-white. Hordak’s Prim-Al is slightly shorter than previous Prim-Al. Hordak’s Prim-Al has more armor, since they shield his defect--which Prim-Al now has since Hordak has it. Due to this, Hordak’s Prim-Al, while gaining a significant boost in power/etc., is typically not as strong as his brothers’ Prim-Al transformations. (However, Hordak’s determination and tolerance for pain is regularly equal to his older brothers’ own determination and tolerance for pain.)

Though the defect remains, the use of AI Prime to trigger the Prim-Al transformation again provides greater power. It also does have some effect on appearance and structure. A closer examination of Prim-Al should show this: Prim-Al looks more like someone recently scarred/mutilated/afflicted with a defect, rather than someone who’s grown up with it. And so, though defective, Prim-Al’s arms look less withered and retain more muscle, and generally look better than Hordak’s usual arms. (And again, they still have a magitech boost going on.)

While FO did program AI Prime to have some regard for the clone vessels, he started caring more than they had planned. AI Prime grew to genuinely care for every clone vessel for Prim-Al, and saw them more as brothers. This now includes Hordak. And though he values his brothers and means well, AI Prime’s cynicism and (remnant) programming can sometimes get in the way of his attempts to help. His own deep-seated trauma can be a factor too. 

With every new clone, AI Prime initially tries to distance himself to avoid further pain, because he grieves the loss of every clone--but he ultimately always admits to seeing them as brothers. (With his long life and the FO and Light Hope and other external factors trapping him in this cycle, AI Prime somewhat copes by comparing the whole thing to the passing of seasons. He’ll be passed down to a new clone-brother, he’ll try to resist caring about the clone-brother, he’ll grow to care about the clone-brother anyway, clone-brother dies, he’s alone until the next clone-brother comes, and then the whole thing starts again.) 

Though AI Prime is a digital clone of Subject A’s mind, he doesn’t have complete access to his mental template’s memories due to FO intervention. The FO also did not tell AI Prime everything.

Yep the LUVD crystal is there, RS!Entrapta should be another sketch post or fic. She’s gone from like the oldest princess to the youngest princess in this AU, and is around the same age as RS!Hordak.

Thanks for checking this out, hope you enjoyed this AU! Hope to have more about this up later.

Forgot to add: Yep RS!Kadroh is that Kadroh, he’s RS!Wrong Hordak in this AU.

[fennixari]

The Cosplay Community is Toxic rant/essay

Cosplay, short for costume play, is a big staple in a lot of fandoms. With cosplay conventions (also known as cons) being held almost everywhere, and can be pretty big depending on their location, cosplay has become in a sense, its own community and just like any community there is a lot of “drama” and even harsh and disgusting behaviour. With quarantine, many people have been posting their cosplays online, most notably that being on tiktok the replacement for musically.

There is no shortage of ableism in the community, that being most notably with those who have physical disabilities. As a person who has a physical disability (and needing to use a mobility aid- in my case a cane) it is incredibly rampant. Cons themselves are also not easily accessible to wheelchair users. Cons, being held in community centres or hotels often have small elevators (or none at all) and lots of stairs. Certain allies, such as the artist ally, have small walkways that are too small for standard wheelchairs to go through. Online however, this is way worse. Disablied cosplayers have had ableist “jokes'' thrown at them and have been harassed for using their mobility aids because “the character isn’t disabled!” However, when a character does use a mobility aid, people have no issue when an able bodied person uses a wheelchair/cane to “be cannon.”

While mentioning cannon, this could segway into any of my next points. The Cosplay Community has a weird and odd obsession with people cosplaying characters that are different races than them, except when that person is a POC. Harassment and doxing have happened to BIPOC cosplayers for cosplaying a character who is what they want to call white. I’ve seen this happen most often on danganronpa cosplay tiktox (mainly because that's the media I take in the most). Someone (usually a white cosplayer) will spam the comments saying “X asian character isn't black!!!” and when they try to defend their racism with “its not canon!” Their cosplays also fall out of ‘cannon’ when they cosplay the same character as that character is asian and they are white. Let's set the record straight, there is nothing wrong with cosplaying a character who is a different race than you. As long as you don't change your features (doing black face and trying to give yourself ‘asian eyes’ this should be obvious) and respect others and others in that culture (not wearing kimonos wrong for Hiyoko cosplayers for example) go for it. Various POC have gone on record saying that they don't feel safe at cons due to their race and fear of harassment.

People don’t realize how expensive cosplaying as a hobby actually is. Here, in Canada for a simple Miu Iruma cosplay from aliexpress, costs around 50-60+ dollars and that would be for a low quality outfit and wig. For a good quality cosplay, that could cost 80+ CAD. “But Moth!” I hear you say. “Why can’ people just make their own cosplays?” which is an excellent question my hypothetical reader! Even if making one’s own cosplay would be less expensive, that is not taking in the costs of fabric and various other materials and other items one can not make such as the wigs. However, some cosplayers who cannot afford these things, decide to make wigs out of paper- only to be harassed and bullied for being “poor and lazy” for not having money to afford a wig/cosplay. Many of these people do not have access to money for various reasons. These can be: the person doesn't have a job and/or cannot get one, they are a minor, they spend their money on more important and essential things. People forget we are in a pandemic and many have lost their jobs.

In short, people have been ignoring how the cosplay community is incredibly toxic and filled with harassment and doxing. To people who aren’t affected by the various things mentioned above, understand that just because you aren’t affected, doesn’t mean no one is.

[destieltropecollection]

Destiel Trope Collection 2020 Day 17: Hurt/Comfort & Whump

the time has come | @elizaeverafter

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1068 Main Tags/Warnings: no archive warnings apply, non-graphic pet death, angst with a happy ending, hopeful ending, established relationship, married castiel/dean winchester, emotional hurt/comfort Summary: The second Dean walked into their home, he should’ve picked up on the fact that something was wrong. Looking back on it, it was so silent that it was suffocating. There was an unnatural stillness, like their house knew something bad had happened and was trying not to involve itself.

Beautiful | @ialwayscomewhenyoucall

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1367 Main Tags/Warnings: human!cas, hurt/comfort, injured cas, first kiss Summary: “How long has he been sitting there?” Dean starts; he’d been watching Cas and hadn’t heard Sam behind him. “Five hours.” Dean practically spits out the words. “He won’t eat. He won’t move to a more comfortable chair. He won’t even take his damn pain pills. And he can’t tell me that doesn’t hurt, I know what a broken collar bone feels like. He’s just so--” ***** In which Cas, now fully human for several months, has been injured, and Dean has to Use His Words to comfort his friend.

Teardrops For You | @envydean

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1500 Main Tags/Warnings: Grief, Character Death, Established Relationship, Funerals, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Dean and Cas holding each other, Sadness, slight fluff, Angst, Car Accidents, Nightmares, Cuddling, Holding, Crying, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting Summary: The accident killed her and left Dean alive and emotionally broken. He's a disgrace. His best friend is dead and he can't even cry for her.

Soup & Syrup | @suckerfordeansfreckles

Rating: General Word Count: 1548 Main Tags/Warnings: best friends to lovers, getting together, sick Cas Summary: Cas started feeling sick two days ago, throat raw and hurting, every part of his body in pain as if he’ll burn up with fever any second. Then he had to cancel his and Dean's weekly study date in the library this afternoon, to stay home and take a quick nap that accidentally ended up four hours long and left him groggy and sweaty and weird. Dean has been sending him texts, five since he cancelled earlier, and as soon as Cas felt awake and present enough to respond, he called. This is where they are now, around 1 a.m. on a Saturday. He didn’t really stop to look at the clock before he called Dean, but — well. He was just hoping Dean would be awake, maybe out with friends. He was just hoping that maybe, maybe, Dean would come by and dote a little on him. Just because having his best friend around always makes him feel better. Not because he craves Dean’s presence, his palm on Cas’ forehead and his hands tucking him in beneath his blanket. Absolutely not.

The Admission | @deservetobesaved

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1720 Main Tags/Warnings: season 13, all the feelings Summary: Castiel finds out Dean threatened to kill Jack. He also finds out how broken Dean was when he died. So, naturally, he confronts him about it. A sort of fix-it coda, in or after 13x06.

Knowing | @unexpecteddreamz

Rating: General Word Count: 2013 Main Tags/Warnings: Castiel & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Demon Dean Summary: Of all the things Castiel might have expected to see, this was the last... It might well be the last thing he ever sees! Castiel is ""Always willing to bleed for the Winchesters"". Sam doesn't know how to fix what is broken. Dean is having nightmares. How did everything go so wrong so fast?

The Snow's Captives | SargentMom573 (AO3)

Rating: Mature Word Count: 2126 Main Tags/Warnings: Blizzards & Snowstorms, Sick Castiel, Caretaker Dean, Cabin Fic Summary: Dean was not going to make it alive down the mountain in a week’s time. Why? Because Cas was going to kill him, that’s why.

Skin Wars | @cr-noble-writes

Rating: General Word Count: 2319 Main Tags/Warnings: Angst, Artist!Dean, Model!Cas, body painting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cas protecting Dean from himself, shy!Dean, introvert!dean, Baby, graffiti artist!charlie, artist!Balthazar, art critic!Crowley, TV host!Anna, Skin Wars AU Summary: Dean, a traditionally trained artist, is competing for $100,000 in the reality body painting TV show, Skin Wars. He’s lucky enough to get paired with a friend as his model, Cas, for a particularly personal challenge. Dean feels his painting isn’t up to snuff, but what will the judges think?

Take Me Home | @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2683 Main Tags/Warnings: Mentions of Rape, Mentions of Sexual Abuse, Non-con/Rape outside of Castiel/Dean Winchester, Hurt Dean Winchester, Protective Castiel, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, TW: Mentions of Non-con/Rape Summary: “I want to go home.” Dean let out, in a strangled voice. “Of course -” Cas reached for Dean’s hand, prepared to fly them away. Dean pulled away his hand, and rested his head backwards, against the seat. It seemed impossibly long before he finally asked. Unsure, as if somehow he still felt like Castiel could deny him anything. “Could you drive?”

Cold Comfort | @noiproksa

Rating: General Word Count: 3232 Main Tags/Warnings: Sharing Body Heat, Hypothermia, Huddling for Warmth, Cuddling & Snuggling, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Banter Summary: Dean and Cas are trapped in a room with temperatures well below zero. When even sharing vessel heat doesn’t seem to help anymore, they need to do whatever it takes to keep each other alive. (Intended as gen, but can be read as Destiel pre-slash.)

Exodus | @spnsmile

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 3365 Main Tags/Warnings: Explicit, noncon, hurt/ comfort Summary: Endverse!Dean comes back alive. He comes back to the camp to find he was gone for almost a month and that Castiel now serves a different captain. Like hell Dean Winchester will let that happen.

save that light | @specsofwings

Rating: Mature Word Count: 4779 Main Tags/Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Assassin Dean Winchester, Human Castiel, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Whump, Kidnapping, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, Blasphemy/Religious Imagery and Symbolism, Crucifixion, Major Character Injury, Heavy Angst, Angst With a Happy Ending, Trauma, Healthy Relationship, Hurt/Comfort Summary: He’s alive, he’s alive, he’s alive— Dean isn’t sure if it’s his brain, if he’s speaking aloud, if it’s Jody, next to him in the car, but he’s alive, Castiel is alive, and then there is darkness.

The Empty's Curse | @cloverhighfive

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 5380 Main Tags/Warnings: major character death, angst, fluff Summary: Dean is dying and there is no getting out of it this time. After a round of goodbyes from friends, Castiel takes Dean on one last ride.

Shiver | @nickelkeep

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 5714 Main Tags/Warnings: Modern with Magic, Witchcraft, Getting Back Together, Blizzards and Snowstorms, Car Accident, Snowed In, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, NSFW Summary: In desperate need of his journal to complete a spell, Dean braves a snowstorm to return to the cabin - and the man - left behind. Can a freak accident repair what's been damaged? Or will their lack of communication push Dean and Cas apart forever?

Six Feet Under Water | zaphodsgirl (AO3)

Rating: Mature Word Count: 7638 Main Tags/Warnings: Canon-Typical Violence, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary: This story is inspired by the amazing art of dragonpressgraphics, accompanied by this prompt: "Can be canon or AU (though Canon preferred - see below why) where Cas almost drowns and either Dean witnessed it or rescues him - would love a fic where Cas then has to deal with fear of drowning afterwards - maybe Dean too has nightmares about Cas drowning because of the same experience (bonus if references are made to season 6/7 where Cas walked into the water because of the Leviathans). Loads of angst more than okay as long as story has happy ending"

This Path Is Paved With Kitty Litter | @navajolovesdestiel

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 8392 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe, Grieving Castiel (Supernatural), Caring Dean Winchester, Veterinary Assistant Dean, Deanna The Kitten, Explicit Sexual Content Summary: The man moved from cage to cage, petting each cat in turn. Dean could hear his sigh from where he was standing. Dean walked over to him. The guy looked up at Dean and again, his eyes made Dean’s knees weak. “Hey, guy, you spend a lot of time with these cats. You thinking about adopting one?” The look on the guy’s face went from sad to stricken. “Uh… n-no, I’m… I’m just looking at them.” The look made Dean’s chest hurt.

After the Fallout | @cr-noble-writes

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 8832 Main Tags/Warnings: Post-Apocalypse, Post-Nuclear War, some body horror, Major Character Injuries, Nightmares, Mutants, Minor Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence, Smut, Angst, Conspiracy, top!dean, Bottom!Cas Summary: Its been years since the nuclear catastrophe that decimated the world. From the moment Dean Winchester stepped foot on the surface again, he’s been running from mutant creatures that want to kill him. When will it end?

I'm Thankful I get to Leave | @sheinthatfandom

Rating: Mature Word Count: 11079 Main Tags/Warnings: thanksgiving dinner, alternate universe- human, dysfunctional family, uncomfortable topics, red flags, emotional manipulation, emotional incest, homophobia, ableism, racism, bad parent mary, bad parent john, bobby used to be married to mary Summary: Screw you Columbus now we have to eat at Mary’s pretending to not be the Jerry Springer version of the Brady Bunch instead of getting ready for Christmas.

The Last Thing I Wanted | @nickelkeep

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 11492 Main Tags/Warnings: AU - Fantasy, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Whump, Prince!Dean, Concubine!Cas Summary: When Castiel is grievously wounded during an unsanctioned battle, it's all Prince Dean can do to make sure he lives the rest of his life comfortably. However, due to the archaic laws of Terra, Castiel is too lowborn to hold lands, deeds, or titles. What better way to solve an archaic problem than with a just-as-antiquated solution?

Healing an Angel | @noiproksa

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 12017 Main Tags/Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Castiel, Canon Compliant, Friendship, Team Free Will, Wing Grooming, Aftermath of Torture Summary: Cas has been captured by shapeshifters who have been torturing him for weeks. The aftermath is not pretty, but Dean will do anything to get his angel through this and get him to trust them again. To make matters worse, the mastermind behind Cas’ capture is still alive. Will they be able to keep him from coming after Cas again?

Cloned to Perfection | @fangirlingtodeath513

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 16298 Main Tags/Warnings: Castiel/Dean Winchester,Castiel (Supernatural),Dean Winchester,Sam Winchester,Bobby Singer,Charlie Bradbury,Cain (Supernatural),Alastair (Supernatural),John Winchester,Alternate Universe - Future,Marine Castiel (Supernatural),John Winchester Being an Asshole,Canon-Typical Violence,Human Experimentation,Government Experimentation,Genetic Engineering,Clones,Gun Violence,Shooting Guns,Fugitives,Hacking,Government Conspiracy,Blow Jobs,Come Swallowing,Interrogation,Truth Serum,Needles,Brief Mentions of Torture (Not TFW),Alternate Universe - No Monsters,Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss,Castiel/Dean Winchester First Time,Hand Jobs,Angst with a Happy Ending,Happy Ending,Minor Ellen Harvelle/Bobby Singer,Minor Charlie Bradbury/Jo Harvelle,Minor Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester Summary: For thirty years, Dean’s been in the dark about a bombshell of a family secret. When an AWOL soldier shows up on his doorstep in the middle of the night, he’s shoved into a world he had no idea existed. He never asked to be cloned. He never asked to have his genome edited to make him a super-soldier. He didn’t even know. Now his fate rests in the hands of a ragtag group—Castiel, the AWOL soldier sent as a warning by Sam and Dean’s father; Charlie, an ingenious hacker and Dean’s best friend; and his brother Sam, who’s also being chased by the government for the same reason. Can they pull the rug out from under the military general who’s after their father’s research, or will Sam and Dean be doomed to live the remainder of their lives being experimented on by the military?

He Can't Sleep | @pray4jensen

Rating: Mature Word Count: 18970 Main Tags/Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Marriage, Domestic, Case Fic, Angst with a Happy Ending, Summary: He’s done soaping up Cas’ hair. He grabs the sponge at his side and starts to scrub at Cas’ skin, up along his arms, his neck, down his chest. When he runs it up his legs, to his thighs, Cas shudders and then there’s a hand cupping Dean’s cheek, cold and dripping water and soap, and Dean falters, looks at him for the first time. “Will you sleep with me?” Cas says. “Tonight?” Dean swallows. He says yes.

One Last Time | @confusedcasishere

Rating: Mature Word Count: 27370 Main Tags/Warnings: Sex Worker Dean Winchester, Dom/Sub, Dom Castiel/ Sub Dean Winchester, Lawyer Castiel, Top Castiel/ Bottom Dean Winchester, Porn With Plot Summary: After some convincing, Castiel agrees to try out a sex club. He’s nervous and looking for any excuse to back out, until he stumbles across a photo of a beautiful sub with captivating green eyes. Cas has to have him.

Highway to Hell (WIP) | @tucuxia

Rating: Mature Word Count: 31551 Main Tags/Warnings: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha Castiel/Omega Dean Winchester, Gabriel Has a Crush on Sam Winchester, Alpha Sam Winchester/Omega Gabriel, Alpha Balthazar/Omega Crowley, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Past Abuse, Dean's life hasn't been great, Biker Castiel, Biker Sam Winchester Summary: Castiel, who shares leadership of the Hells Angels biker gang with his two older alpha brothers, finds out that a rival gang has been encroaching on their territory. During a tense meeting with the Devil's Blood gang in Lawrence, KS, he becomes the owner of a scared, broken young omega named Dean. Having forgotten how to speak after a decade under Azazel's cruel ownership, can the young omega learn to trust his new family, and maybe reconnect with the one he lost?

I Choose You (WIP) | @baby-in-a-trenchcoat7

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 43284 Main Tags/Warnings: Fluff, Destiel, Slight Smut, High School Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester Summary: High School AU. Castiel Novak has a dirty dream about the captain of the baseball team, Dean Winchester. Dean has a dirty dream about the nerdy Novak boy who hangs around the art room a lot. Castiel becomes Dean’s tutor, and the two soon learn that keeping their relationship platonic is harder than they thought. As their relationship develops, the two have to fight to overcome their problems while doing everything they can to stay together. Rated Explicit for sexual scenes.

Emergence | @ellis-park

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 58862 Main Tags/Warnings: Canon fic, angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort, amnesia, graphic depictions of violence Summary: Something’s been missing from Dean’s life for the past three years, a void left after a hunt gone terribly wrong. He often feels a sense of longing with no discernible cause, a need to talk to someone who isn’t there. A call from an acquaintance leads Dean to James Novak, a man who disappeared more than a decade ago, and suddenly Dean gets the feeling he’s found what he’s been missing. But James isn’t really James — he’s the angel Castiel, who’s wanted by angels, demons and hunters alike. And he may be at the center of the storm that wrecked Dean’s life all those years ago.

Forbidden Fruit (WIP) | @amyoatmeal

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 95427 Main Tags/Warnings: professor student au, stripper au, age difference, top!castiel/bottom!dean, unrequited castiel/balthazar, unrequited dean winchester/aaron bass, dean winchester & charlie bradbury, threats of noncon/sexual abuse, threats of violence, mentions of past trauma/abuse, angst Summary: Castiel Novak is a respectable, if not a little boring professor at his university. He lives a comfortable, financially stable life with his cat in his modestly-sized apartment. It would appear he has everything he needs, including an over-eager friend and colleague, but when fate tempts him with a seemingly familiar new student by the name of Dean Winchester, Castiel's comfortable life threatens to get turned on its head and things start to get a little juicy.

Stay With Me, Sweetheart | @a-mandala-rose

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 108710 Main Tags/Warnings: Dean/Cas, Dean/Lisa, Past Dean/Others, Past Cas/Others, Kid Fic, Serious Major Character Injury, Car Accident, PTSD/Panic Attacks, House Fires, Past Minor Canonical Character Death, Minor OC Death, Past Emotional Abuse, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Referenced Top Dean/Bottom Cas, Explicit Top Cas/Bottom Dean Summary: “Alright Cas, here comes the hard part. We’re gonna get you out of here, but we’ve gotta take the roof off and while we do that, we’re gonna have to cover you with a sheet to protect you from the glass. I’ll be right here though. I’m not going anywhere.” As he starts to drift away, he suddenly feels the press of Dean’s forehead against his own through the rough fabric and hears that warm, sunlit voice murmer quietly in his ear, too low to be overheard by the firefighters currently working to remove the SUV’s roof, “Stay with me, Sweetheart.” A single moment's distraction ends with a serious car accident that leaves Castiel trapped in his vehicle. Fortunately for him, fire fighter Dean Winchester is there, never leaving Castiel's side as the rest of his company work to free him from the mangled remains of his SUV. When the two meet again in the ICU, Castiel finds himself just as drawn to and comforted by the handsome fireman as he was during his accident. Dean is certainly attractive, but single father Castiel doesn't have time or space in his life for a romantic relationship. Then again, there's no harm in making a new friend, is there?

[fanfic-corner]

John Being An Asshole

When The World Screams by K_K_Tibal on AO3. (31,354 words).

Tags: Alternate Universe, Deaf Castiel, EMT Castiel, Guitarist Dean, Aftermath of a car accident, Mild Gore, Past Abuse, Panic Attacks, Mind Reading Through Touch, Ableism, Slow Burn, Love Confessions, John Winchester Being an Asshole.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: The one thing that Castiel Novak can’t do is hear. He excels in his job as an EMT despite the fact that he’s deaf and has never let anything hold him back from being at the top of his game. That is, until he meets a certain man in the aftermath of a car accident. The one thing Dean Winchester can’t do is touch. Communication should be simple with the easy way that people can read each other’s thoughts through skin contact, but Dean outright refuses anything of the sort and much prefers the gentle caress of fingers on guitar strings. That is, until his dreams of being a professional guitarist are shattered in the accident. Even with the unfortunate circumstances of their meeting, a friendship grows and there is one thing they realize they can do for each other very well: Listen.

Notes: I was very confused until I figured out the mind reading thing, but once I did, I loved it!

Sleepless in Lawrence, Kansas by PrinceMalice on AO3. (50,162 words).

Tags: Radio Show AU, Self Help, Long Distance Pining, Sleepless in Seattle, John Winchester is Terrible, Slow Build, Some Angst.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: “Um, yes, hi. My name is Sam and I’m calling from Lawrence, Kansas.” A new voice... Castiel loved new voices. They always had new stories to tell. “Kansas… well, it’s not really midnight down there, is it? What keeps you up?” he asked. “I’m worried about my brother, Dean.”

Notes: Actually so cute, even though I’ve never seen the movie! I’m never quite sure whether I ship Sam and Ruby, especially in this, but Ruby was an icon in it.

Just Like You by imherecauseimnotallthere98 on AO3. (35,717 words).

Tags: Homophobia, Homophobic John, Hurt Dean Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Protective Castiel, BAMF Castiel, Protective Sam Winchester, Angry John, Angry Dean Winchester, Angry Sam Winchester, Protective Bobby Singer, Awesome Bobby, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Scared Dean, John Being an Asshole, Swearing, Bisexual Dean, Pansexual Castiel, Past Child Abuse, Accidental Outing, Death Threats, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Sharing a Bed.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: When John shows up at their door in the middle of the night, the Winchesters and Cas start looking into who or what could have brought him back. Meanwhile, Dean struggles to keep his relationship with Cas a secret from his father, with some help from Sam. The tension rises between the Winchesters as Dean shows John that he is no longer the obedient little soldier he once was, and tries to establish himself as an equal with his dad.

Notes: I asked for John being an asshole, and this fic delivered. There are many fics where he is horrible or does horrible things, but this one is definitely the crowning champion. Bobby and Sam are incredible in it, though.

999 Days From Now by RebelSpaceOddity on AO3. (35,537 words).

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Alternate Universe, Past Drug Addiction, Romance, Slow Burn, Copious Amounts of Angst, Asshole John Winchester, Diner Owner Dean.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: An AU in which a recovered alcoholic Dean owns a diner, Sam is in law school and is clueless about the way Jess looks at him, and Cas? Well, Cas turns Dean’s world upside down and maybe, just maybe, gives him a reason to have a little faith.The love of a lifetime told in a heartbeat.

Notes: This fic got me. I have a terrible, risky habit of not reading the tags/warnings, so imagine my horror when I got halfway through this fic before I realised my mistake! It was excellent, though.

Father Knows Best by DarkHeartInTheSky on AO3. (81,034 words).

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Divergence from Season 8, Castiel Whump, Hurt Castiel, Worried Dean, Kidnapping, John Winchester Being an Asshole.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: When John wakes up alone in a field after spending years in Hell, he thinks he's been given a second a chance. A chance to do right by his boys for once. A chance to protect them like he should have. So protect them he will--even from the horrific creature that's weaseled its way into their lives that calls itself an angel of the Lord.

Notes: I know he means well, but Jesus H Christ, John is really desperate to win that Worst Father of the Year Award in this (He wins. That’s all I’m saying).

Collapsed Rainbows by suckerfordeansfreckles on AO3. (6,125 words).

Tags: Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hospitals, Nurse Castiel, Blood and Injury, Falling in Love, John Winchester Being an Asshole, Hurt/Comfort, Touch-Starved Dean Winchester, Dean has a lot of Selfworth Issues, Blood, Bruises, Broken Bones, First Kiss.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: Dean wakes up on his 18th birthday, giddy and a little scared, and rips his blanket off of himself to start searching his hands for the soulmark that is supposed to appear somewhere on his body today. Nothing. His arms. Nothing. Shoulders, upper body, legs. Nothing. It’s okay, he tells himself, don’t panic yet. But then he rushes to the bathroom and braces himself on the edge of the sink to look up into the mirror, and it’s right there. Black streaks and blotches along the edge of his jaw, dark like ink. Marks like the imprints of knuckles meeting Dean’s chin. It takes him a little while to fully realizes what this means. That his soulmark is there, for everyone to see, right on his face, impossible to hide.

That his soulmate’s first touch will be a punch to Dean’s face.

Notes: Super cute but slightly frustrating and the plot is a tad thin.

Your Love is Strong by tale_to_tell on AO3. (6,562 words).

Tags: Hurt Dean Winchester, Worried Castiel, Worried Sam Winchester, Protective Castiel, Sam Winchester Knows, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean, Sam Winchester is So Done, Brotherly Love, Major Character Injury, Ghosts, Canon Universe, Internalized Homophobia, Homophobic John Winchester, Implied Sexual Content, Angst with a Happy Ending.

My Rating: 3 stars.

Description: Sam knew. Honesty, it was impossible not to know. Dean and Cas were always brushing shoulders and sharing sickeningly sweet smiles. There was also so much eye-fucking. God, it was disgusting how in love they were. At first, Sam wondered when they were going to figure it out for themselves, but now he just wondered if they would figure it out at all. It had been years. God, Dean was so stupid sometimes. A "Profound bond," could you be anymore obvious than that? Dean was either super oblivious or just an idiot. Probably both. Definitely both. What Sam didn't know, however, was that Dean and Cas were already aware of their feelings for one another and in a relationship. They were just trying to figure out how to tell him. Apparently, a terrible injury on a hunt is what would ultimately reveal their relationship to Sam, just not in the way any of them would have wanted.

Notes: Sam is such an unbelievable mood in this.

Sins of the Father by allthebeautifulthings9828 on AO3. (2,458 words).

Tags: Post Episode s08e23 Sacrifice, Fallen Castiel, Human Castiel, POV Dean Winchester, Abusive John Winchester, Love, First Date, Protective Sam Winchester, Angst with a Happy Ending, Family Angst.

My Rating: 3 stars.

Description: Having had enough of Dean hiding his relationship with Castiel, Sam takes matters into his own hands. He won't let Dean deny that he's in love with the former angel, but nothing prepared him for his big brother's confession about the last time he was with a male. Can Sam undo yet more of John Winchester's damage before Dean runs from his feelings again?

Notes: Quite short but cute, and I live for Sam being supportive.

Athazagoraphobia by Mickey_Todoroki on AO3 and Wattpad. (20,347 words).

Tags: Established Castiel/Dean, Established Gabriel/Sam, Protective Rowena, Hurt Dean Winchester, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Abused Dean Winchester, John Winchester Being an Asshole, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Athazagoraphobia, Suicide Attempt, Self-Harm, Past Non-con, Attempted Murder, Alternate Ending.

My Rating: 2 stars.

Description: After some thinking, Amara decides that Dean needs both his parents. Only, she didn't know his past. And what John did to Dean growing up. And now that he's back, Dean might regress back to his 22-year-old scared self.

Notes: I know that some people like them, and there certainly are a lot of them, but this reads like an angsty, emotionally repressed fic usually reserved to the depths of Wattpad, which you find at 3am and wonder whether the author is okay. It was fine, but only just.

So, there you have it. (Probably) everyone’s least favourite Winchester, being a complete dick. You’re welcome.

[bakudekuficlibrary]

Hey, do you have any fics where Deku calms Bakugo down from a panic attack or some sort of anger episode? Or vise versa?

I payed more attention to fics that focused solely on the requested idea or had multiple scenes of it. (and boy was there a decent amount!) If you know of longer fics that include this idea (even if it’s your own XD) feel free to reblog or reply with them so people can find them in the notes c:

-Jay 

30 Works.

Dark Side of the Sun by Synnie( T | 51,597 | 20/20 )

Staying up too late playing video games, Kirishima wasn’t expecting to get an urgent call begging for help. Next thing he knew, he was letting his classmate Izuku Midoriya take refuge in his apartment - without consulting his always angry roommate.

SeriesPart 1 of Dark Side of Space

[Graphic Depictions of Violence | Past Abuse | Self-Harm]

Can We Not? by vulcanhighblood( T | 32,740+ | 17/? )

Journalist Midoriya Izuku stumbles across Ground Zero brutalizing a vending machine. Unfortunately, he can’t just walk away from a Pro Hero in dire need of caffeine. So when a hero on the brink shakes him down for coffee, only to offer a coffee date in return…? Well, he doesn’t refuse. (He does, however, get said hero’s number, and ends up spending a lot more time with him than could have been predicted based on that first encounter.)

Grief Counseling by Merrywetherweather( E | 48,279 | 19/19 )

Katsuki remembered the first time he had failed to save someone, watched helplessly in horror as an elderly man had been crushed beneath the girth of a thrown car. He had already propelled himself forward to grab a small boy when he noticed, too late, the car fly by overhead. Two other heroes had been on the scene at the time and had assured him.

There was nothing that could have been done.

Most of class 1-A had already gone through a similar experience. The only one left with a clean track record in the rescue department had been Deku.

Well, except for today.

A slowburn fic where Kacchan tries to convince Deku to take advantage of the grief counseling provided for free to heroes experiencing their first failed rescues. Lots of flirting. Healing their relationship comes first. The romantic bit where they fall helplessly and stupidly in love comes after.

[PSTD | Panic Attacks]

Dream Sweet in Sea Major by showtiime ( M | 122,562 | 22/22 )

The day of the Hero Incident ends much more horribly than anyone could’ve imagined, but only Izuku knows that. He thinks as long as he forces himself to push through it that he can get over it, but of course, that’s not how things go. His mom, friends, teachers, and even his childhood friend-turned-rival take note of his odd behavior and try to help, but he refuses to talk about what really happened. How long and how thin will Bakugou’s patience go until Izuku finally confides and accepts the help he needs?

(in this fic, Shigaraki takes more from Izuku than he should’ve, Katsuki comes with the class that day at the mall, and there are still finals to be taken. Plenty can happen in only five to six weeks.)

(playlist)

[Rape/Non-Con | Underage | Abuse | Dissociation | PTSD | Panic Attacks | Suicide Attempt | Self-Harm]

Paper Moons and Glass Stars by Soundsoftherain( M | 82,948 | 18/18 )

The last time Katsuki had seen that mess of green hair had been during the summer after their first year of middle school, a boy sculpted from the purest sunlight sadly waving goodbye as he moved away.

That had been seven years ago.

Now that mop of wild curls was straddling his lap while scantily clad in black, leaving little to the imagination. The shy boy he once knew was now the star of Paper Moon, a strip club he’d been unwillingly dragged to by his friends. But through the muffled music one thought overwhelmed the raging whirlpool of his mind.

…What the actual fuck?

SeriesPart 1 of Glass Stars

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Panic Attacks | Stalking]

be loved by bonnia( T | 5,403 | 1/1 )

They sit there, in the darkness of the common room, about a few centimeters between them, but miles apart. Somehow, the quiet is companionable. More than it has been in many years. Katsuki knows he’s responsible for the rift between them, and he knows even more that it can’t only be Deku who attempts to mend it.

“Hey,” he says, after a while, and Deku turns to him in question, but Katsuki refuses to look his way. “Touch me again.”

(or: the kidnapping incident leaves bakugou traumatised about being touched on the back of his neck, and midoriya decides to take matters into his own hands)

[Panic Attacks | PTSD]

2,645 Miles by mynameis152( E | 131,839 | 38/38 )

Izuku wants so badly to get to the other side of the country without his parents realizing he’s missing. He just wants to find out who he is.

Katsuki is desperate to make it to Los Angeles without being caught by the police, desperate to fix his mistakes.

Neither know what to expect, but on a roadtrip across the U.S. involving four fugitives, two oblivious runaways, a high risk crime ring, and a police taskforce, the two will discover that there’s more in store for them than what they originally thought.

SeriesPart 1 of Guide Me Home To You

[Graphic Depictions of Violence | Panic Attacks | Attempted Sexual Assault]

As One by semiautomatichearts( G | 2,508 | 1/1 )

Katsuki knows Izuku as he knows himself, as he knows the worn pages of a treasured book, the creases within his own hand.

He sees when something is wrong, and reaches across abyssal expanses, past the maw of his own pride, and he heals.

[Panic Attacks]

What’s up danger by The_Crafty_Cracker( M | 2,220 | 1/1 )

Because apparently,The fic where Deku punches a bigoted entailed asshole Alpha in the face wasn’t an appropriate title.

Poor Katsuki has his handful with his mate nearly getting arrested, again!

P.S there is also a joke about a quiche.

Super Mario Maker by Pop_Rocks (v_love)( E | 3,734 | 1/1 )

Midoriya is smart, and a nerd, meaning that when the entire class decided to take on the aspect of buying Super Mario Maker for the collection of games in the common area that he became sort of a living legend when it came to designing the levels.

Some were just joyous well designed little prank-type levels, others were difficult — but not impossible — and the rest? Well, those were impossible.

For all but one.

His Kacchan.

————

In which Bakugou rages.

SeriesPart 4 of Kacchan and Deku’s Shenanigans

Out Of Darkness by Arrival_Of_Dawn ( M | 78,364+ | 18/? )

Izuku Midoriya is legally dead for forty two minutes at the hands of a new villain, Nightmare. They are the longest forty two minutes as Izuku finds himself trapped in his own personal hell. He may have come back from nightmare induced death, but that does not mean the nightmares are gone. They haunt him at any given moment and neither he nor anyone else knows how to save him.

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Panic Attacks]

Twenty-Four by SharkbaitSekki( T | 15,874 | 1/1 )

Izuku gets himself kidnapped, and Katsuki is dragged into it with him as they face villains with particularly terrifying illusion Quirks.

It ends up being a living nightmare, but Katsuki can’t bring himself to regret following Izuku into it all. Because between the pain and the terror, between the lies and the illusions, between life and death, at least they can always hang onto one another. Even if everything else is fake, they know that they will always be real.

[Graphic Depictions Of Violence] 

Chapter 26 of an entire month for the broccoli boy and the shouty boy by Kasplode( T | 23,200 | 30/30 )

Acute fear pollutes his body, concentration increasing exponentially with each shallow inhale he breathes.

Deku, standing just in front of him, knocks at the familiar door to Midoriya Inko’s apartment.

They’re having dinner with her tonight. Introducing Katsuki as Deku’s boyfriend.

[Panic Attacks]

Someone to Stay by Maru_Chan( M | 5,462 | 1/1 )

He hears Izuku’s jeering laughter again and even when he can’t see him any longer, his last words ring loud on Katsuki’s ears, heavy and final like a sentence.

“Goodbye Kacchan, maybe you can try again in your next life”

And then everything is dark again.

It’s dark, he’s cold, he’s numb and he’s alone.

And it’s everything he deserves.

[Panic Attacks | PTSD] 

saltwater fears & saltwater tears by writedeku( T | 4,540 | 1/1 )

It’s not that Katsuki hasn’t hurt people before, but this is the first time he’s seen something so irrevocable. So tangible. Izuku will look back, ten, twenty years from now, and he’d still see the scar in the mirror, and still be a scared little boy in pain all over again, crying in the hallways.

(The middle is a time that makes Katsuki feel proud and ashamed, all at once.)

SeriesPart 3 of the saltwater saga

[Bullying | Past Abuse | Panic Attacks] 

What’s Mine But Only You Can Have? by masteremeraldholder

( T | 9,480 | 1/1 )

“What’s mine… but only you can have?”

Deku’s face softens, his eyes wide, mouth a little ‘o’. Baku’s stomach turns, maybe he shouldn’t have said it, maybe he should’ve listened to the quirk-stealers and kept his fucking mouth shut, but he knows that he couldn’t have even if he tried.

He’ll never get tired of Deku and his annoying antics, his patient nature, his shit ton of freckles, and if that’s what it means to love someone, then he’s gladly in it with Deku.

SeriesPart 2 of Schizophrenic Bakugou

[Panic Attacks | Self-Harm | Ableism]

Words to Never Say by InkspillsNotebook( T | 2,586 | 1/1 )

Regardless of how much time has passed, Izuku is still unable to hear those words without fearing that he’s lost the most important person in his life.

SeriesPart 7 of Drabble Expansion Pack

[Panic Attacks]

[Abandoned] Chapter 4 of Angry Kids by MrJokerBoy( T | 9,251 | 12/? )

Deku has a nervous breakdown and here comes Kacchan to the rescue 

[Panic Attacks] 

Chapter 1 of Things You Said: Bakugou/Midoriya by AutisticWriter( T | 3,100 | 2/2 )

A collection of one shots written for a prompt list. 

[Self-Harm | Ableism | Transphobia]

{Curator’s Note: This chapter depicts Bakugou assisting Midoriya through a meltdown, not an anger episode or panic attack.}

A Classical Storm by oceanswrath( T | 1,400 | 1/1 )

In that moment only the two of them existed, a force to be reckoned with greater than the storm raging outside. 

[Panic Attacks]

The Bonds that bind by EloFromMars( E | 2,818 | 1/1 )

Izuku is excited, tonight is their anniversary. He had planned everything. Or so he thought. 

[PTSD | Panic Attacks]

Only Us by yoichipines( T | 3,105 | 1/1 )

“What if it’s you, and what if it’s me and what if that’s all that we needed to be and the rest of the world falls away…what do you say?”

A Katsudeku fanfic very much inspired by ‘Only Us’ by Laura Dreyfuss and Ben Platt? Sign me tf up!

[Panic Attacks]

No Matter What by Empress Explosion Murder (LdyFcknNoir)( M | 4,393 | 1/1 )

BNHA Angst Week Day Seven: Roses/Time

-or-

“I-I’ve failed you… He escaped.” Katsuki rasped out.

Any remaining strength in Izuku’s body fled, and he melted to the ground on legs that were no longer able to hold him up. His body began to tremble violently, his teeth cracking together with the force of his shaking. Black edged around his vision as he couldn’t pull any oxygen into his lungs, air rent from his lungs completely with just five words.

SeriesPart 7 of BNHA Angst Week

[Past Rape/Non-con | Panic Attacks]

Yeah I’ve Got Issues by Abitginger( T | 2,782 | 1/1 )

One-shot written for BakuDeku month of wonder, day 2:festival/apology. A little late but such is life ~

Izuku and Katsuki go on an undercover mission at a festival.

[Panic Attacks]

to be made of flesh and steel by bluntforcedrama, gutsdumpster( T | 635 | 1/1 )

Bakugou learns his triggers, his tics. He’s kind of psychic actually since he tends to know when something is about to happen. Or maybe it’s Izuku’s fault for making it so glaringly obvious: he gets nervous, hands twitching more than usual as his eyes follow any sudden movement around him. Sometimes his breathing becomes labored and he swallows down more inhales than exhales and Bakugou will have to thread his fingers with Izuku’s, as if to say calm down, I’m here.

Or: Izuku is an ex-soldier struggling with the mental and physical repercussions of such heavy combat, and although Bakugou doesn’t know exactly what it’s like, he’ll still do everything he can to help.

[Panic Attacks | PTSD | Implied/Referenced Homophobia]

I know you wanna (slip under my armor) by Herbalmint( T | 3,528 | 1/1 )

Life just keeps developing new ways of beating Bakugo down. (Katsuki has a panic attack)

[Panic Attacks | Dissociation] 

In Your Arms by EmbretheWorld( T | 3,771 | 2/2 )

Bakugo’s freaking out, and no one really knows what to do, but Yagi and Aizawa are really grateful that Midoriya is there. And Aizawa is really good at comforting people too.

SeriesPart 3 of You Melt My Heart

[Panic Attacks]

Chapter 2 & Chapter 7 of Standing Together (Pride Month) by EmbretheWorld( M | 17,972 | 29/29 )

This book will be filled with multiple ships that I will write and post on a daily for Pride Month. Each chapter will be based on a prompt. Hope you enjoy!

I ended this book early because I couldn’t find any motivation to write in it anymore.

SeriesPart 6 of You Melt My Heart

[Panic Attacks]

Anxiety by MistyBlueJay( T | 3,530 | 1/1 )

Izuku and Katsuki go to the mall, the Bakusquad joins them in a mini shopping trip. It’s a crowded day and Izuku falls behind, panic ensues.

[Panic Attacks]

In Weakness there is Strength by DarcyIncarnate( Not Rated | 3,011 | 1/1 )

Five times Izuku breaks and Katsuki picks up the peices, and one time Katsuki isn’t there to help. 

[Panic Attacks]

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Pluralistic: 16 Mar 2020 (Trump wants a US-only vaccine, Covid at Home, tips for laid-off techies, Tiktok's secret moderation guidelines, Corona Bar Mitzvah, Shmoocon 2020 videos)

Today's links

Covid At Home: A guide for isolation, illness and recovery

Trump wants a US-only vaccine: Reality has a well-known globalist/collectivist bias.

Folding@Home to beat covid: 23 distcomp projects to give your CPU to.

Italian hospitals fix their ventilators with 3D printed parts: Fablabs to the rescue.

How to prepare for coming layoffs: A guide for techies junior, senior and prickly.

Leaked Tiktok moderation guidelines are a censoring mess: No poors or ugly people welcome.

Canceled Bar Mitzvah is still a mitzvah: Today I am a mensch.

Shmoocon 2020 videos online: Hours of entertainment and infosec funnies.

This day in history:

Colophon: Recent publications, current writing projects, upcoming appearances, current reading

Covid At Home (permalink)

Dutch hacker and XS4ALL cofounder Rop Gonggrijp and artist Vera Wilde have produced Covid At Home, an open-access guide to staying healthy, treating illness, and general pandemic preparedness.

https://covid-at-home.info/ It's an excellent, sober, accessible guide, produced with help from medical professionals.

They're seeking help to translate it into other languages as well. German edition coming next.

Trump wants a US-only vaccine (permalink)

The Trump administration has offered "large sums" to a German manufacturer for US-only access to a potential covid-19 vaccine

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/mar/15/trump-offers-large-sums-for-exclusive-access-to-coronavirus-vaccine

According to Die Welt, Curevac has made progress on the vaccine, and the Trump admin is seeking access "but for the US only."

The company's recently departed CEO, Daniel Menichella, is a US citizen who recently visited the White House.

The Trump administration's failure to understand our shared collective microbial destiny is emblematic. Trump epitomizes the neoliberal sociopathy of "enlightened self-interest" and "meritocracy" and the belief that "there is no such thing as society." It's a pathology as dangerous as any virus, and could yet kill us all. Immunizing America against coronavirus only works if

The vaccine is perfect (they never are) and

The US blocks all entry into the country by unvaccinated people (which it cannot do).

Instead of figuring out how to orient 100% of US capacity to producing enough vaccine to eliminate the virus worldwide, Trump is engaged in isolationist, superstitious fantasies.

https://twitter.com/doctorow/status/1238180609899429889

Within hours, Curvac had told Trump to go fuck himself and announced that any vaccine they produce will be available worldwide.

https://twitter.com/SWRAktuellBW/status/1239225432739844097

Folding@Home to beat covid (permalink)

Since the year 2000 (!), Folding@Home has been harnessing the power of idle personal computers to do scientific work on protein folding, using donated cycles to improve science. Now they're running 23 (!!) projects to help improve our scientific understanding of covid-19.

"We're simulating the dynamics of COVID-19 proteins to hunt for new therapeutic opportunities."

They've already used this to locate sites in the Ebola protein that can be targeted by therapeutics.

https://foldingathome.org/2020/03/15/coronavirus-what-were-doing-and-how-you-can-help-in-simple-terms/

Download your Folding@Home client here (Mac/Win/Lin)

https://foldingathome.org/start-folding/

Then choose your simulation from here. Be prepared to wait for your computer to be given work – they're overwhelmed with cycles at the moment.

https://apps.foldingathome.org/psummary

Italian hospitals fix their ventilators with 3D printed parts (permalink)

A Brescia hospital urgenty needed valves for their ventilators. A journalist contacted the local Fablab, who contacted a local 3D printing expert who came to the hospital, redesigned the part, and printed a replacement on the spot.

https://www.3dprintingmedia.network/covid-19-3d-printed-valve-for-reanimation-device/

Within a day, 10 patients were breathing with respirators incorporating 3D printed parts.

How to prepare for coming layoffs (permalink)

It's not outlandish to prepare for a recession (and hence layoffs) as a result of Covid-19. And while techies have a robust labor-market relative to other sectors, tech-workers are not immune from mass layoffs when their employers contract sharply or shut down altogether.

Jacob Kaplan-Moss has been here before and has some tips for techies to prepare for unemployment. He points out that the highest layoff risk comes to juniors (unprotected and easy to jettison), seniors (highest paid), and prickly people (politically easier to lay off) and underperformers (obvs).

https://jacobian.org/2020/mar/13/layoffs-are-coming/

How do you prep for layoffs? First, try to have 1 year's savings in the bank (advice from the 2000 dotcom crash). You probably can't do this, but start saving now. Cancel all nonessential expenses.

Next, update your resume. When layoffs start cascading, being ready to start applying for jobs can give you a head-start over your competition.

Kaplan-Moss suggests setting aside an hour every quarter to update your CV – this is good advice generally, as you never know when someone will ask for your resume (periodically I have to produce one for a visa or a grant, for example).

Practice interviews, using online resources, like this one:

https://eng-hiring.18f.gov/

In addition, contact your "professional network" and start feeling them out;Tb and brush up on your tech skills.

Leaked Tiktok moderation guidelines are a censoring mess (permalink)

There's a lot going on in The Intercept's deep dive into two leaked set of moderation guidelines from Bytedance, parent company of Tiktok, ably reported (as ever) by Sam Biddle.

https://theintercept.com/2020/03/16/tiktok-app-moderators-users-discrimination/

First is a confirmaton of Tiktok's policy of telling moderators to downrank videos from unattractive, fat, old or poor people, and signs of poverty. Homes need to have "no obvious slummy charactor" (sic), without a "crack on the wall" or "old and disreputable decorations."

The reasoning is clear "This kind of environment is not that suitable for new users for being less fancy and appealing" (overweight, poor, old or unattractive users lower the tone). Tiktok spox Josh Gartner said these were to prevent bullying, (but they don't mention bullying).

The leaks are pretty frank about their ableism and lookism, banning "low quality" traits including "abnormal body shape," "ugly facial looks," dwarfism, "obvious beer belly," "too many wrinkles," and "eye disorders."

They also ban "slums, rural fields" and "dilapidated housing."

The flipside of this is that Tiktok mods secretly contacting influencers to clue them in on secret moderation criteria that might get them downranked or banned, creating a group of insiders who are protected from the arbitrary, shadow regulation regime other Tiktokers never see.

That shadow regime is documented in a second set of leaks, which details the subjects and views that can get you kicked, suspended or downranked from the platform. Anything that embarrasses or upsets China is obviously out, like Falun Gong or Tiananmen.

Beyond that, livestreams of encounters with cops, videos that criticize the military, or criticism Tiktok itself are all lifetime bannable offenses – while racism and hate speech get you a one-month suspension.

Also revealed: Tiktok has a bunch of fake accounts maintained by its own staff, who gank influencer videos from Instagram that look classy and fun, as a way of shifting the content mix on the platform.

But even as these accounts were focusing on tags like "#BeachGirl," actual Tiktok users who posted pictures of themselves in swimwear faced temporary or permanent bans.

(You can get a permanent ban for wearing a garment that reveals "outline of female nipples").

There's also a "voice vulgarity" category of guidelines, including bans for "Singing or playing music pornography contents, sexual cues, etc," or "discussing the topic of sexual reproduction." You can also get banned for flipping the bird – but only if you do it more than twice.

Tiktok's appeal is that they use secret sauce to elevate accounts with few followers and share them with millions of viewers. The legend is that this is a way to rocket the humble but meretricious to fame, but the leaks reveal that no olds, fats, or poors need apply.

Canceled Bar Mitzvah is still a mitzvah (permalink)

A heartwarming story of "Covered Dish" behavior in the time of coronavirus! "Friends canceled their son's Bar Mitzvah this weekend but decided to keep the contract with their caterer, a tiny Hmong-owned business. They delivered the food to friends in quarantine & sent pans home with others."

https://twitter.com/mrotzie/status/1239249970458484736

(Image: Eli, CC BY)

Shmoocon 2020 videos online (permalink)

It's been years since I last attended a Shmoocon, but holy moly, is it ever a great annual infosec con. They've just put the 2020 videos online, which affords you plenty of viewing for your lockdown pleasure.

You might have already heard about Samantha Mosely's presentation about how she and her teen friends defeat Instagram's privacy invasions:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTCBEimhXMM

Here's some gnarly stuff: securing satellites and space-base comms, presented by three researchers styling themselves Yakko, Wakko and Dot (swoon!).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WR_H9_pnyDc

Feed your inner technothriller writer with this one, on "anti-forensics" ("the practice of modifying or removing data so that others cannot find it later during an investigation").

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSmsiSvvAQs

How NGOs – and you at home – can use "open source intelligence" to help support human rights and survivors of human rights abuses.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRzGiR4DS7w

A Choose-Your-Own-Adventure guide to surviving ransomware attacks, using data gleaned from real attacks and recoveries.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkNFUQrg_GA

Analyzing the effects of 200 data-breaches on public companies' share prices (shareholder capitalism won't save us from overcollection, overretention and bad security).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdxiwpACwYc

This day in history (permalink)

#15yrsago Apple steals iTunes customers' paid-for rights to stream https://web.archive.org/web/20050405225837/http://www.theinquirer.net/?article=21866

#15yrago My talk from ETECH: All Complex Ecosystems Have Parasites https://craphound.com/complexecosystems.txt

#15yrsago ETECH Notes: Folksonomy, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Mess (Schachter, Wales, Shirky and Butterfield) https://craphound.com/etech2005-folksonomy.txt

#15yrsago ETECH Notes: Feral Robotics and Some Other Quacking, Shaking, Bubbling Robots (Natalie Jeremijenko) https://craphound.com/etech05-feral.txt

#10yrsago Downloadable 3D cover for MAKERS is now also an article of commerce https://www.shapeways.com/product/Z55YYHW5P/cory-doctorow-makers-cover-3d-print

Colophon (permalink)

Today's top sources: Geoff MacDougall (https://twitter.com/taliesan), Bleeping Computer (https://www.bleepingcomputer.com), Javier Candiera (https://twitter.com/candeira), Four Short Links (https://www.oreilly.com/feed/four-short-links), Naked Capitalism (https://nakedcapitalism.com/).

Currently writing: I've just finished rewrites on a short story, "The Canadian Miracle," for MIT Tech Review. It's a story set in the world of my next novel, "The Lost Cause," a post-GND novel about truth and reconciliation. I've also just completed "Baby Twitter," a piece of design fiction also set in The Lost Cause's prehistory, for a British think-tank. I'm getting geared up to start work on the novel next.

Currently reading: Just started Lauren Beukes's forthcoming Afterland: it's Y the Last Man plus plus, and two chapters in, it's amazeballs. Last month, I finished Andrea Bernstein's "American Oligarchs"; it's a magnificent history of the Kushner and Trump families, showing how they cheated, stole and lied their way into power. I'm getting really into Anna Weiner's memoir about tech, "Uncanny Valley." I just loaded Matt Stoller's "Goliath" onto my underwater MP3 player and I'm listening to it as I swim laps.

Latest podcast: When Sysadmins Ruled the Earth https://craphound.com/podcast/2020/03/13/when-sysadmins-ruled-the-earth-2/

Upcoming books: "Poesy the Monster Slayer" (Jul 2020), a picture book about monsters, bedtime, gender, and kicking ass. Pre-order here: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781626723627?utm_source=socialmedia&utm_medium=socialpost&utm_term=na-poesycorypreorder&utm_content=na-preorder-buynow&utm_campaign=9781626723627

(we're having a launch for it in Burbank on July 11 at Dark Delicacies and you can get me AND Poesy to sign it and Dark Del will ship it to the monster kids in your life in time for the release date).

"Attack Surface": The third Little Brother book, Oct 20, 2020. https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250757531

"Little Brother/Homeland": A reissue omnibus edition with a new introduction by Edward Snowden: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250774583

[wovensims]

CLAUDE FAUSTINE PIERCE TAYLOR for @steinsims​ Bachelorette Challenge! 

+Warning, lots of reading! Hints of misogyny, ableism, dead bodies.+

A letter addressed to Mr. Floyd Faustine, written in lemon juice. While invisible to the eye, the following text appears once slightly heated over a candle.

Mr. Faustine,

I wonder if you are even reading the messages I send you. Perhaps as soon as you realized this “Mr. Taylor” was your wife’s bastard, I am sure you have been using them to light your fires.

But I know how much you cared for your daughter. And writing has given me some peace. So, I hope that the words I give you end up burning well.

I have only ever visited the asylum grounds twice, each time only giving me more questions than answers. It seems the only time they would allow some other entity to prepare the body is if the family happens to live here, and would cause a fuss. They have their own doctors on the grounds, with much better use for a cadaver than a funeral.

If only you had kept Philomena home. 

But, despite the troubles, the opportunity I stumbled upon was simply too good to ignore. The local undertaker stands on his last legs with no heir to his company. You understand meaning of legacy, and how much he would hate for the business he spent so long building to whether away in unqualified hands. How unfortunate for him. He was too quick to read through my qualifications to notice the inconsistencies between the degrees and doctorates. He is too kind and answers all the questions I ask. Who knows, perhaps God has given me a path in life.

And I will have to ignore it. 

Are you pretending Philomena’s death has no ill-effect on you, then? I suppose I see the logic in that. She’s gone, but you’ll have your heir soon enough, if the child hasn’t been born already. Give Mother my love.

But, I remember how lovingly you would watch her come home, barefoot with mud between her toes. When you’d share in laughter over small things, like mismatched socks and fires that last too long. You understood her. If I could get one answer from you--Why did you send her away? Was it at least as hard for you as it was I, when I learned of her stay only after finding out she had perished? Taken her life, they say.

I’ve written far too much. A hefty letter has a larger chance of the wrong person opening it. 

Yours.

FACTS

Pierce studied the arts, until his father excluded him from the household after his suspicions that he was not of his blood had been confirmed and confessed to by his mother. 

Despite this, he still considers Mr. Faustine his father, although now only refers to him under Mr. Faustine or some other variant.  

His younger years were spent studying under Mr. Faustine, and thus has been introduced to the business world. It was here he honed a skill in the forging of documents, that continues to help him as he drifts from place to place. It’s also another reason to keep his name secret. Most other rich, wealthy men really hate the Faustines--they’re known as scammers. 

He truly only wishes to give his sister a form of goodbye, they had been so close growing up and she was the only one who would reach out to him once he was exiled from the family. 

He now lives with his mentor, an old undertaker in the local community. While he’s conned his way into it, he’s grown to start appreciating the practice.

Given the stressful situation he’s under, he’s a bit of a flight risk. He's good with people, a nice man, but if he feels himself getting caught, he will flee first and think second. He doesn’t mean to abandon or hurt people, but this mission is very important to him.

Due to his own exclusion from his family, and his experiences with his sister, he feels a great amount of sympathy for the patients of the asylum. He is disgusted, but one track minded, and that mind is focused on finding his sister. This is why he hasn’t done much for the other victims, or really even talked to them before.

Bonus Stuff I Like To Throw In

He used to be pretty consistent about keeping his face well-shaven, but due to the unusual circumstances, it’s fallen to the wayside. 

His painting skills are better than most perhaps, but he studied namely as a member of a company. He’s not exactly getting any awards for the pieces he completed. Still, he did love studying art and maybe once he settles down he’ll actually paint more.

His dream would be to live in a large house, and have some children of his own that he’d raise and love and never abandon as his fathers have. But, it’s a dream he’s mostly given up on. At the very least, he’d settle for having a little more money. 

He’s had a lack of sleep and definitely has fallen asleep in the morgue. Which, is very ill-advised. 

Thanks very much to steinsims for hosting this unique challenge, it’s my first time doing ANYTHING like this but I had a lot of fun creating him! Also can’t stop relistening to Emilie Autumn now.