#i expressed my deep disturbance and destroyed mental state at that which can only be called peak 90's cringe | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thefanficmonster · 3 years

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Deep Breaths

Valkyrae x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Panic Attack, Mentions of past domestic abuse, Mentions of alcohol and drug abuse, Swearing

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst to Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having received a call from the correctional facility where their alcoholic/drug addict mother is being kept, Y/N gets some intense nightmarish flashbacks to a time that still haunts them despite a decade having passed. Luckily their girlfriend Rae is there to comfort therm.

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your lovely request, I hope I captured what you wanted to read! Sorry it has taken me so long to complete and post the fic, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Love, Vy ❤

“Hey Y/N, I-“ One step in the living room and that’s all it took for Rae to pick up on the melancholic mood in the room.

Her partner hasn’t even noticed she’s entered. Instead, they are sitting hunched over on the couch, elbows on knees, hand seeking their hands’ support to stay upright and their eyes hiding a thousand yard stare that’s got Rae worried sick.

“Babe, what’s wrong?“ She asks softly, inching closer to the couch to take a seat next to Y/N, “You can tell me anything, you know that, right?“

Through the fog surrounding their brain, they somehow manage to catch onto Rae’s words, forcing themself to give her at least a nod in response as to not scare her with their unresponsiveness. They can’t bring themselves to speak, it’s too hard on them to even think of what to say let alone spit it out, especially when their chest feels like it’s caught fire and their mind is still going haywire, heartbeat thumping in their ears as the adrenaline rush refuses to cease.

“Hey, look at me...“ Instead of sitting down, Rae ducks down in front of Y/N, taking their hands in hers, almost wincing at how cold they were. “Tell me what’s bothering you, baby.“

The girl is trying her best not to freak out or lose her cool, despite her already quickened heartbeat she can hear in her ears. She has every right to be reacting the way she is. Her permanently happy, bubbly, optimistic and cheerful partner who always seems to be as energized as though they’d just had a gallon of coffee is now a pale ghost sitting statue-still, staring off into the void with eyes that look empty yet terrified simultaneously.

Y/N’s mouth falls open as though they want to say something but the words die out somewhere along the way, refusing to leave their mouth and give them the relief of sharing their pain with the only person they trust limitlessly. “I-...“ They finally manage to find their voice though their gaze is still avoiding hers, “I got a call from the correctional facility where....” They trail off, a bitter taste forming in their mouth, making their stomach turn and bite the inside of their cheek as they feel the urge to throw up start to become unbearable. “She wants to s-see me...”

They don’t need to say anything else, Rae’s already connected the dots and her complexion has gone just as pale as theirs. She knows how sensitive and triggering this topic is for Y/N, how many bad memories are tied to this one person in their life. To make matters worse, they’re the one person who was supposed to take care of them yet she couldn’t even take care of herself - Y/N’s mother.

Rae distinctly remembers the night Y/N told her the truth about their family life - or the lack thereof - almost a year since the two had started dating. Rae never questioned their secretiveness and respected their privacy enough not to ask about it, patiently waiting for them to tell her on their own time and own terms. It was no secret even from the very start that Y/N had a very hard time connecting to people and trusting them. It took them maybe two or so months to be able to call their now-girlfriend a friend instead of an acquaintance. Rae didn’t question that too, didn’t push to pursue a friendship with them since, from her point of view, they were already her friend, so she patiently waited for them to come around and start trusting her enough to accept her within their tightknit circle of trusted people called ‘friends’.

Things progressed from purely platonic to sweetly romantic a little more quickly which pleasantly surprised Rae. The two were quick to grow to be inseparable though that didn’t mean Y/N gave up all their secrets. The darkest one, which happens to be this one regarding their mother, is the one they hid the longest and the last one they had to share with their girlfriend. The night they did tell it was a very emotional one: plenty of tears were shed by both Y/N and Rae but luckily they had each other’s embrace to seek comfort in and protect themselves from the ghosts and demons of a past Y/N spent so much time running away from.

An abusive parent is not a bit of baggage you can just get rid of. It’s something that weighs so heavy on you and is such a big part of who you are that you can feel it as a part of you. It haunts you no matter how much you try to run or hide. It’s not something you can shake off or forget. You might have physical and visible scars from the time spent with said parent or the trauma can be entirely psychological - regardless, it lives within you. Follows you around, raises questions you’re not sure you want answered, degrades you - making it seem like what happened was your fault in one way or another - it destroys you slowly very time something triggers a memory of that time, be it a simple conversation that has nothing to do with the subject or be it the glimpse you accidentally catch in the mirror of a scar on your body - a scar you remember being inflicted on you like it was yesterday.

That’s how Y/N’s been living. Feeling responsible, feeling unloved, feeling chained to their past. They’ve done all in their power to appear unbothered and let it be visible, not even when around Rae since they don’t want to worry her.

But seeing as their past has caught up to them now and they inevitably have to face it, they’re forced to let it show, they couldn’t hold it in even if they tried. Although they don’t wanna play the unbothered, unfazed part any longer. They have been strong on their own for far too long and it’s taken a toll on them. If they keep up with the act, they’ll be completely and utterly crushed.

Not that they’re feeling any better at the moment.

“Stay with me, Y/N. Stay with me. Keep your eyes on me, ok? Take deep breaths. Deep breaths, baby. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. It’s ok. You’re ok.“ Their short-circuiting brain has been spasming under the influence of the adrenaline, anxiety and panic brought on by the memories of every time they felt small and helpless while at the merciless hand of their alcoholic, drug addict abusive mother, begging to be spared the pain of being hit with whatever object the deranged woman could get her hands on - yet somehow, Rae’s voice still reaches them through all that messy dark fog. “Come on, Y/N, stay with me ok? Please don’t do this, I’m right here, there’s no need to be afraid,”

“I...“ they can barely hear their own voice over the racing of their heart, “I don’t...I don’t wanna go....“ is all they manage to say, a tear falling from their eye.

“It’s ok, we don’t have to go. We won’t go. Your mental health is the most important thing here, Y/N. We’re not going and that’s final.“ Rae replies vigorously, tightening her hold on Y/N’s hands.

Despite the state they’re in, Y/N can’t help but take notice of the use of the word ‘we’, Rae’s reminder that they are not alone, that she’s there for them and will not let them go into this alone. That brings a small smile to their face, calming their heart and panic ever so slightly, “N-no, I have to. It...it’ll help me.” They sigh before attempting to express themself again, “It’ll give me...closure, I guess.”

Seeing that Y/N’s doing a bit better, Rae’s hand move to cup their face instead, pushing the stray strands of hair away for their features to be full exposed to her, especially their eyes, “Are you sure you want that? Can you handle it? It’s not supposed to be your obligation, Y/N. I mean, the woman’s a monster and she hasn’t even thought to contact you in half a decade, and now she suddenly wants to get back in contact? She has the audacity to disturb you after all this time? You don’t have to agree to this, Y/N.”

Y/N shakes their head, “No, no, I want to. I want to agree to this. I want to live a normal life, Rae. I want to leave her and all she did to me behind. And I can’t do that if I keep running away. What happens when I stop to catch my breath? It still catches up to me like I made no progress whatsoever. That’s not a way to live, not the way I wanna live, at least.”

Rae nods slowly, fully understanding what Y/N is referring to. She maybe hasn’t said anything about it ever, but she’s always seen that little bit of darkness behind the happiness and excitement Y/N always displayed. Rae’s heart ached every time she caught glimpse of those little signs Y/N was putting on a performance while actually hurting on the inside.

And if a meeting with their mother was what would help them finally fully embrace a happy life, then who was she to stop them.

“Ok.“ The girl sighs, “Ok, we’ll go see her, but only if you’re 100% sure you’ll be able to handle it.“

They shake their head again, sighing with unease, “I can never be 100% sure, my emotions have a tendency of being unpredictable so I’ll just have to pray I don’t have a breakdown or a panic attack.”

Rae swipes her thumb over their cheekbone wiping the tear that just escaped their eye, “If you do, don’t worry, I’ll be right there. You know the drill: squeeze my hand, take deep breaths and most importantly, don’t forget I’m there for you. Ok?”

Y/N nods their head, the small smile reappearing on their face. They squeeze Rae’s hand and take a long inhale. “Hand squeeze, deep breaths, noted.” They say when their eyes meet hers, “Thank you so much, Rae. Thank you so much for putting up with me and all my shit and thank you so much for never giving up on me no matter how much work I am or how hard dealing with me and my demons becomes.”

Rae’s heart stings at Y/N’s words, tears brimming her eyes when she raises a bit on her knees to press her lips against Y/N’s forehead. “Don’t thank me, angel. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you and I never want to get gratitude for it. Love doesn’t ask for gratitude, and neither do I.”

Y/N lets out a small laugh to cover up an emotional sob that escapes their lungs. “I love you, Rae.” They say with a trembling voice.

“I love you too, Y/N.“

This time, the Y/N’s lips met the lips of their girlfriend, reminding themself that their safe haven isn’t a place, it’s a person - their girlfriend who means the world to them.

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quazartranslates · 3 years

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Welcome to the Nightmare Game II - CH30

**This is an edited machine translation. For more information, please [click here]**

[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter >>>]

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Chapter 30: Star Death Reality Show (XIII)

"This place between the back of the head and the neck is very dangerous, it's easy for you to cause a brain hernia and kill the person. I’m telling you, the correct way is to hold her carotid artery—the place on the side of the neck, and she’ll pass in a few seconds, safe and harmless," Dr. Lu, who had committed several occupational malpractices, prattled on.

Qi Leren tried to breathe: "She’s not dead, I controlled my strength."

Dr. Lu raised his head: "When did you learn this? How did you suddenly change your style and go straight to James Bond?"

Qi Leren looked helpless: "It was all forced out."

"Qianbei is very fierce, almost too much! So handsome!" Du Yue, the fanboy, wore the awestruck expression of a hopeless fan and looked at Qi Leren with stars in his eyes. "Can qianbei teach me? I also want to learn!"

"Well, let’s wait... let’s wait until the show is over," Qi Leren said. "Hurry up and find out if there’s anything important in this basement. Hurry up, Mark may come back soon."

The three men were busy again, especially Dr. Lu, who, like a hamster whose hidden melon seeds had been lost after the sawdust was changed, searched anxiously. He plunked his ass on the ground and looked into the gap under the bookcase, and pulled Du Yue to help when he was met with heavy objects that couldn’t be moved.

Qi Leren looked around the basement. It wasn’t like a private laboratory, but rather a utility room, with cabinets and bookcases everywhere and some metal barrels and strewn about tools in the corner. Qi Leren even saw homemade explosives… This former owner was good at playing around.

Since there were explosives, it wasn’t strange that there had been an explosion here, and the scope of the explosion wasn’t small, which had left the basement a mess, with huge blocks of stones around the collapsed passageway. Although it could be seen that someone had cleaned this passage that led to an unknown location, they still can't do anything about the heavy stones.

Had anyone entered this passage? Had He Yi entered the passage, or were He Yi and Mark both in it?

Considering that the audience voted to prove that Mark had knocked out Xue Jiahui, it seemed that Mark probably hadn’t entered it. With such a thought, the situation at that time was that Mark had tried to go against He Yi. He Yi discovered the passage in the attic, entered the basement, and discovered the explosives. He wanted to kill Mark with these, and accidentally discovered that there was a secret passage here, which he used to escape?

"Oh, come and look at this! Is this the legendary ID card?" With a loud shout, Dr. Lu held up a plastic card to show it to the others.

When Qi Leren took the card, he still couldn't understand the words on it, but the metal identification strip embedded in it made it distinct. The plastic casing was also tied with a rope, which seemed to be hung around his neck to prevent it from being lost.

"You can give it a try. Come on, let's go back to Jing Siyu’s house" Qi Leren was also excited.

The three people left Annie knocked out, quickly left the building, and headed for the temporarily unoccupied house of Jing Siyu.

In the basement of Jing Siyu's house, with a "di-" sound, the heavy metal door opened upwards, revealing the dark metal passage inside. The emergency lights along the bottom of the passage’s walls were on, and the miserable green light source made this corridor look like a ghostly hell.

Sure enough, there was electricity inside. But intelligent life on this planet had gone extinct, yet there was still a power supply in this underground place? It was incredible.

Qi Leren stuffed the ID card into his pocket: "Turn off the cameras."

He was worried that there would be some accidents that would make him have to use his skill cards. Although doing so would arouse the suspicion of the audience, it was better than direct exposure.

"I'll go in first and see. Wait here. I'll call you when I get to the other end," Qi Leren said cautiously.

"Be careful, if you’re injured, come back quickly. I’ll curse you to death if you don’t!" Dr. Lu said.

"Qianbei, you can do it! You’re the best!" Du Yue clenched his fists.

Qi Leren felt a little tired. Why were all his little friends so funny? Couldn’t he get better ones?

In the deep and otherworldly green light, Qi Leren took the first step. His footsteps were as light as a prowling cat, and he didn't make a sound. This disturbing color touched his nerves and made him feel that he was in constant danger.

One step, two steps... Qi Leren moved forward, and the uncertainty of stepping on a censor haunted Qi Leren at every moment, making him more alert. He believed in his intuition. He knew he could even accurately sense the threat of flying knives when he was blindfolded, as Chen Baiqi had already confirmed.

And this passage was not safe.

Just when he was thinking about it, his hunch came true!

[Rain-Day Laundry: At present, the remaining sensing times are 2/3.]

Dididididididi— The shrill alarm sounded! Even if the ID card had been used to open the door, Qi Leren, an illegal intruder, was still caught! The metal door behind him slammed shut, cutting off his escape route! Dr. Lu and Du Yue shouted at the door in alarm, and at the end of the metal corridor, dazzling laser beams were generated!

Qi Leren's pupils suddenly contracted. The knee-high red laser beam quickly rushed toward him from the end of the corridor! Qi Leren couldn’t think about it, he could only jump! The timing and height were just right, avoiding this laser beam perfectly. But this was not the end. More laser beams were coming from the end of the corridor!

Calm down, calm down, calm down... I can't fucking calm down! Qi Leren was extremely nervous. He made a save with the Save/Load Data, but he knew that S/L wasn’t a good solution for this situation! After he saved, he would be cut into pieces of meat by the laser beam. After his resurrection, he would still be standing in place, waiting for the next laser beam to cut him again!

Shit, it was a dead end! This C-rank task was poisonous!

Qi Leren, whose brain had gone blank, recalled watching the movie "Resident Evil" with his father when he was a child. The laser corridor that cut a group of special forces into meat had left a deep shadow on his childhood. He remembered that there was an escape hatch above the laser corridor in the movie.

Qi Leren suddenly looked up, and under the green lights, he saw a neat metal ceiling without any cracks.

All those movies are so deceptive... Qi Leren scolded mentally as the four laser beams scattered in front of him approached within five meters, and the alerts from his "Rain-Day Laundry" skill sounded one after another, directly entering the cooldown period. Qi Leren, who was under high tension, broke out again. He got up and ran towards the laser beam—Jump! Over the first laser beam! Roll forward on the spot! Second beam!

The height of the last two laser beams were very tricky, and there was no way to dodge! They were too low to lie flat, and it was too late to jump. Qi Leren, who had already rolled on the ground, couldn't avoid the oncoming pitfalls. Even at this critical juncture, he used the strength of his arms to prop up his body and did a backflip, with his waist folded into a perfect arc.

The two high and low red beams reflected their dazzling deadly light on the metal wall, and the scorching temperature seemed to cut his arm and lower back, leaving burn marks on his skin. But when Qi Leren landed, he discovered that the laser beams were gone, and he had escaped them!

In these five or six seconds, Qi Leren had made a 180 between life and death. If Chen Baiqi was here, she would be shocked. Qi Leren’s blank mind suddenly flashed such a sentence.

The exit was seven or eight meters ahead, and the door there was open. It seemed that the personnel who had set up this trap didn't think anyone could pass through it alive. But before Qi Leren could breathe a sigh of relief, the laser beam at the end of the corridor lit up again. At first, it was the first one, then the second one and the third one... They were woven over the same position, forming a laser net comparable to a fishing net! It was finer than the laser wall placed by the producers outside this village!

No wonder this laser corridor didn't need to have a closed door! Qi Leren couldn't help but admit defeat and decided to run away—Nonsense, his save point was behind him. If he didn't retreat, he would be barbecued by the laser net once in his present position, then resurrected at the save point behind him, and then be chopped up again!

This round was a disaster. He hoped the laser net would disappear after one use. S/L could only restore his body to the position and state where it was saved, but the material world around him wouldn’t be turned back to the state where it had been. Otherwise, it would be too fatalistic... But it was meaningless to complain about this at this time.

Qi Leren sighed, closed his eyes, and forced himself not to think about the pain of dying. The countdown for the save was eleven seconds, ten seconds, nine seconds...

The scorching temperature kissed him on the cheek, and before he could taste the pain carefully, he was resurrected at the save point, and the laser net that destroyed any living creatures in the corridor disappeared.

This time, Qi Leren started to rush forward without hesitation. Hurry up. He didn't know whether there would be a second group of laser nets at the end of the corridor. If there was one, he had to hurry before the laser nets formed, otherwise he would be trapped and would die here, and would die completely after the S/L skill’s three resurrections were consumed!

As he ran to the end of the corridor, less than two meters away from the exit, the first ray of the second laser net appeared, just at the height of his neck. The next moment, the second one, at the position of his knees, and then the next moment...

It was too late. Engaged in a 100-meter sprint, Qi Leren couldn't adjust his body posture and could only run into the laser beams—his head was separated.

The file was read for the second time.

This time, Qi Leren's reaction is faster than the last time. He must run faster than the last time, otherwise, when the beams at the end of the corridor appeared, he would definitely hit them head-on and make a clean break!

Faster, faster... Qi Leren's feet ran like they didn't touch the ground. Under this extreme test of life and death, he ran faster than he had in any training! Because this wasn’t training, it was a test of life and death.

Here we are, we'll be ready soon...

The red laser beams lit up amidst the continuous shrill alarm sound, and the running Qi Leren closed his eyes in despair. The moment before his death was short, but it was long. The laser cut his body, but his brain was still running. He tried his best to think about how to break this stand-off. Every ten seconds, a laser net would appear at the end of the laser corridor and move forward. This laser net didn’t appear only once, otherwise, he could easily use the S/L Data to escape.

Unless he could "break the shell", as Chen Baiqi had said, and break the limits of his body and enter another state, he was destined to draw the line on the end of his life here.

He could only see the glimmer of hope if he tried his best and gave it a go.

He didn't want to die here, no matter what. He still had too many words to say to Ning Zhou, to tell him of the love he had never dared to express and to let the words hidden in his heart overflow. Even if he died, he couldn't close his eyes peacefully.

He couldn’t let Ning Zhou be sad.

The file was read for the third time and final time.

Qi Leren cleared his brain and drove away all his distractions. His body forgot its exhaustion and weakness in the moment that he finished reading the file. His eyes looked directly at the gate leading to heaven ahead, and he rushed there like lightning.

He didn't think about whether it could be done or the consequences of failure. There was a firm belief that made his soul burn at this moment. Willpower poured energy beyond his limits into his limbs. He was as fast as a meteor. In this dark tunnel, the wind sprinted and rushed to the exit!

The first laser beam lit up, and in the next second, more laser lines would be woven into an impassable net at this position, and anyone who tried to cross this barrier would be cut into pieces. The second laser line lit up, but Qi Leren had already rushed to it, jumped up in this extreme sprint, and jumped between the two laser beams. The world was as silent as when he jumped from the boat and his head became submerged beneath the water.

In the moment when he fell heavily to the ground, the alarm came to an abrupt end. Qi Leren didn't realize that he had passed through the corridor. He pushed up from the ground, rolling and crawling, and looked behind him in a panic. The newly formed laser grid sensed that there was no intruder in the corridor and was automatically dissipated and he, who had already pulled off his seat belt, had escaped this nearly inescapable danger.

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#Welcome to the Nightmare Game #欢迎来到噩梦游戏 #danmei

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love-takes-work · 5 years

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Steven Universe Comic #28 (2019) - Outline & Review

The twenty-eighth installment of the ongoing comic series for Steven Universe concludes the story of Lars and the Off-Colors as they face their biggest fears under the influence of hallucinogenic nebula gases. . . .

Plot:

Stevonnie is risking gas exposure to find out what's wrong with their friends deep in space in the middle of a nebula. Lars and the crew are catatonic, in the thrall of horrible visions caused by hallucinogens, and Stevonnie takes over the spaceship controls while analyzing the effects of this gas. As the visions take Lars away, he imagines apologizing to Sadie for everything he did wrong when he failed to save her and got kidnapped, and she convinces him that his mistakes have led to a stronger version of him whose crew is depending on him.

Through his discussion with the hallucinated version of Sadie, Lars realizes that his baking used to be something he did for himself and then mutated into something he did to impress others, which is why it ended up coupled with so much dread when it was no longer about food and fun and friends. To be there for the Off Colors, his crew, and using his talents to provide something needed is so much better than using them aggressively to show off. After bidding Sadie goodbye, Lars goes off to find the rest of the crew, and runs into Padparadscha.

Padparadscha's special insight allows her to inform Lars that they're all hallucinating and Stevonnie is on board. A cut to Stevonnie shows they're piloting the ship out of the nebula and capturing some gas to use for fuel. Lars and Padparadscha run to find the rest of the crew, but soon they find the nebula seems to be consciously redoubling efforts to keep them in its clutches. Obstacles they've already faced have returned.

Soon enough they've reconnected with Rhodonite and the Rutile Twins, who report what they've been through in their own nightmare world. Lars uses his latest revelation about the others depending on him as captain to reassure them and motivate them to find Fluorite. They encounter her in her impossible vision of being tried by the Diamonds and threatened with unfusion, and they all agree that they're not experiencing reality. Now they've got to find the way out and back to their right minds. They're ready to face their fears.

The phantom versions of the Off Colors find their bodies, and based on Padparadscha's earlier experience of awakening her body by touching it, they all try to reestablish contact with their bodies.

It seems to work and Stevonnie is welcoming them back, but before they know it, they're facing Emerald, who has boarded the ship somehow and is gloating and confronting them.

The crew bands together with Stevonnie and bravely fights Emerald; even those who aren't really fighters (like Padparadscha) get into the action. But once it becomes clear that Emerald is happy to destroy the interior of her ship to fight them, Lars realizes they're still hallucinating, because there's no way she'd do that. (She's also even bigger than Fluorite in the fight, for maximum intimidation.) For the nebula to be trying this hard to keep them, Stevonnie must be close to their goal. As long as they fixate on the scene not being real and trust Stevonnie to get them out of the nebula, they believe they'll be fine.

The crew begins to wake up as soon as Stevonnie pilots the ship out of the nebula. Stevonnie unfuses and Steven and Connie greet the reviving Off Colors. Everyone's jazzed that they made it--but what about threats of Emerald still following them? That's still a realistic possibility, even if their collective vision of her was not.

But Steven and Connie have great news: Stevonnie could track Emerald, who went around the nebula instead--and it's a long journey. Meanwhile, they stole nebula gas that can be separated into useful fuel without exposing them to the poisonous part. But that's not all! Steven and Connie came bearing gifts, including a potluck invitation with the Cool Kids and Sadie to catch up on all the space adventures. Lars is ready for all of this--and he has a sweet message for Sadie as well. He can't wait to catch a show.

Notable:

1. This comic feels like wish fulfillment for some of us who really wanted some unresolved issues from the show to be addressed. Lars and Sadie shippers should be happy to see Lars finally apologize to Sadie for not trying to save her, and having her understand.

2. There's an adorable flashback of young Lars learning to bake and sharing hopia with his family. Another traditional dish from his Filipino cultural background.

3. There's a really odd exchange between Lars and Padparadscha where she makes an observation, he asks if it's a vision, and she says no, she's just stating the obvious. And Lars says sometimes he can't tell. This is strange because in the show Padparadscha always behaves as though she is oblivious to the fact that her predictions are things that have already happened. The self-awareness she continues to display here is a comics-only thing.

4. Stevonnie comments that the Sun Incinerator is actually pretty easy to pilot, like the Star Skipper--but "oh, wait, I sort of crashed that." Aw, Stevonnie! That wasn't your driving's fault! You literally got shot down!

5. At one point Stevonnie comes up with the idea to suck nebula gas into the ship so it can be used for fuel. A button labeled "SUCTION" is shown on the dashboard. In the show they've been good about not having English writing on Gem artifacts, so this seemed out of place.

6. I'm not sure why the urgency on "getting back to their bodies" before Stevonnie flies out of the nebula. It seemed like an arbitrary worry; why would they have to hallucinate that they touched their own bodies and reinhabited their physical selves to be able to emerge from the nebula mentally intact? It didn't work incredibly well as a tactic for increasing tension to be honest.

7. There's a face-off-against-Emerald group shot of Stevonnie with the Off Colors and it's fairly epic, but on top of that there are a bunch of references to the episode "Lars of the Stars," where they point out that they've clashed with her before and won.

8. Since they specify that the nebula is "trying" to keep them inside by throwing more and more nightmarish visions of their worst fears at them, I guess the comic is implying that the nebula is alive and sentient. Well that's disturbing. What was it supposed to want?

9. In one scene they used the Off Colors' established character traits very well to push the exposition along: Rhodonite expresses her typical worrywart fear about Emerald finding them, and Fluorite offers tech nerdery, saying Emerald could track the signature of their thrusters. Great!

10. I gotta admit I have my doubts that Stevonnie could somehow figure out how to use alien technology to separate gases and create usable fuel for a Gem vessel. I could believe they can drive the ship since weirdly competent driving is an established Stevonnie skill, but this honestly does not seem to come from any established aspect of their character, despite that Connie can be nerdy with her book learning. I would've liked to see someone else who knows more about the technology, like Fluorite, come up with this idea or inspire Stevonnie to try it.

[SU Book and Comic Reviews]

#steven universe #su spoilers #long post #steven universe comics #off colors #stevonnie #myblog

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borednwriting-blog · 5 years

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hey savior. (ii);

(gif’s not mine!!!)

author’s note: she’s here and SHE’S a tease. honestly, listening to some sad songs made me just get really emotional in this. hope u all enjoy! i’d love some feedback :) and remember i love natasha! that’s it.

warnings: EXTREME! bad writing

word count: 2098

I looked the way James shifted his body to the side, grunting a bit but not letting the pain wake him up from his sleeping state. Deciding it was best to leave him be, I exited his room, looking at the guard that stood sharp next to his doorstep. “Pierce wants to see you.” He told me harshly, I turned around to meet his gaze and nodded, walking towards the most dreaded part of this building. He had about three people at his door, not wanting anyone to disturb his peace, as if he had any. “He wanted to see me?” I asked his guards and they opened the door, not answering my question.

I stepped into his office, if you can call it that. It was an old building, walls creaking and ceiling leaking kind of building, so the only thing that made this an office was his big brown desk in the middle of the room and a fancy chair that didn’t suit the sight. “I knew a child couldn’t do it.” He said as he sat back on his chair and looked at me. I crossed my arms and raised my eyebrows, waiting for him to proceed his sayings. “Kill her, knew I couldn’t put it on your innocent shoulders.” He only half joked.

“You didn’t think of my innocence when you sent me to kill all those people for you in the last what, two years?” I rested the palm of my hands on his desk, staring at him. “Besides, taking a child from an organization that already trained her to kill, I don’t think innocence was here to begin with.”

“But she’s different,” he took a deep breath before he went on. “You can’t kill her.” I rolled my eyes and moved to turn away from his desk, not willing to hear anything he says anymore. “Yeah we get it, you know everything.”

“Am I wrong?” I stood still, trying to figure out what to answer to shut him up. “I missed, hit her shoulder. Yeah, you’re wrong.” He chuckled, standing up and walking towards me.

“You never miss, (y/n).” I raised my head, turning my gaze towards his figure that was now close to mine. He caressed his finger across my forehead to my cheek, I clenched my jaw as he held my cheeks in his hands. He added more force to it, his face turning into a light shade of crimson, getting angrier with every second that goes by. “Don’t try to sell me that crap,” his grip started to hurt, “I know you, and you didn’t kill her. Just like your partner there, you failed your mission.” He let go of my face and turned his to me, his lips letting the sound of chuckle escape them again. “I won’t let you two morons destroy what HYDRA has been working on for the past 70 years.” He leaned against his desk, trying to read my expression.

“Which is what, by the way? Don’t think you ever mentioned it to us considering we do your dirty work.” I popped my jaw, slight pain still felt against my cheeks. “You need to focus on your missions, not mine.”

His hands went up towards the door, signaling for me to leave. “And remember, you won’t have any second chances.” I nodded, walking towards the door, walking into the balcony and getting some fresh air into my lungs. I looked at the hallway behind me, seeing as there were so many guards walking back and forth. Calming myself down, I went back into the building, keeping my chin up and walking towards my room. Walking past James’ room again, I saw Rumlow about to enter his room with three people behind him. Walking fast, I hurried to stop them in their tracks. “What is this about?” I told them as I blocked them with my hand and foot at the doorstep.

“Move, (y/n).” Rumlow sighed with an annoyed look on his face, already not willing to deal with anything I was up to. “Well,” I locked his door, “I might just think about it when you tell me what are you doing here.” Getting closer to his face I could practically feel how his eyes were rolling to the back of his head. He looked back at his men and and then returned his gaze to me, putting his face close to mine, “D’ya think we were finished with him?” His look sending me chills down my spine, “his treatment ain’t over. Now move.” He took a step back, waiting for me to oblige. “Did Pierce order this?”

“Who else?”

“Sounds a bit weird, considering the fact I was just talking to him and you were no where near.” It was my turn to move towards him, raising my finger to his chest. “Now you are the one should move.” As if guarding James’ room, I stood still. “I’m not going to listen to a child,” he took a deep breath before trying to push me away, his men following him. “Well I’d consider it, you know, since I was the one who got that bruise up your face.” I held a tight grip on his arm and he clenched his jaw.

“Why are you even protecting him? Aren’t you supposed to be heartless or some shit?” This this it was one of the men who spoke up, getting tired of the whole situation. “Or not care since you’re going to die anyway?” Another man butted in, making Rumlow scrunch his face and look at the man behind him with a devastated look. “Does she not know?” Another one whispered.

“What is this about?” I furrowed my brows at the men who acted like children in front of me. “Clearly she doesn’t.” Rumlow looked right into my eyes again, a creepy smile appeared on his face. “What, did Pierce assign you to assassinate me after all of this?” leaving out a hint of sarcasm, Rumlow squinted his eyes as if he was thinking and nodded while saying, “Well something like that. Only it won’t be me it will be those rocket planes SHIELD worked on and,” He clearly did not know what personal space is at this point, “it’s going to be you and half the population that put HYDRA at any risk, along with your friend back there.” He kicked the door and I looked behind me, then slowly towards the men that were in front of me.

“So, massacre?” I gulped, wishing I wasn’t that petrified of the plan, thinking of all the people out there that did not do anything but HYDRA’s fucked up like that. Thinking of James, who has done nothing but follow his orders and definitely did not deserve to get killed by the organization that ruined his life, I felt my blood boiling. Anger and fear was thumping loud in my nerves, clenching my fists trying to get it together and not lose it in front of the apathetic men. Not giving them the advantage of seeing me in a tangled state, I chuckled. “Sounds like something they would do. Anyway, get the fuck away before I get Pierce and you know, even if I die, he would still listen to me till my last breath.” Spitting these words out of my mouth was a risk. Rumlow knew to this day Pierce had tried everything in his power to keep me safe, seeing as I was so young, he never let any of his men touch me. This was something he couldn’t protect me from. Like he said, they worked on this plan for like what, 70 years? He couldn’t let someone like me, ruin this plan. He was well aware children were going to die here, so another one couldn’t bother them. Not that I needed his help, he was repulsive, I knew that. Maybe it was just a way for his sick mind to keep me to himself, needing me to help them succeed, maybe it was something else I wasn’t really trying to figure out. Either way, I was certain I didn’t need their help.

Especially now, knowing I was about to get murdered by the hands that ruined every bit of my life. Well, the hands that worked with the reason my thoughts aren’t over a cute boy I saw down the hall, but rather are filled with how will I get out of this situation alive. Putting up a strong face, Rumlow spit next to my shoe and hissed at me, turning his head to the left and his men following close behind, leaving me alone. Leaning against the door, trying to get my breathing even, I unlocked the door and stepped into James’ for the second time in these last 24 hours. Panicking, I saw bright green-blue eyes staring back into mine, his expression cold while mine was definitely not. “James,” I let out a shaky breath, he didn’t move. “Are you okay?” I stood still, not aware of what he heard or what he remembered. “Steve.” He blinked a few times before turning his gaze to the floor. I knew not to ask any questions, not to startle him with more confusion that already flew through him. “His name was Steve, but I can’t remember anything.” I could hear the frustration in his voice, even if he was awake he probably couldn’t focus on anything that was going on behind the door, his thoughts and memories overwhelming him. I sat at the edge of the bed and looked at him, at his defeated state. They ruined him, ruined his identity and switched it with what they wanted him to be and yet, they were to decide if he lives or dies.

“Well, I guess you were friends if he gave you a cute nickname.” My voice was weak to the point I wasn’t sure if he even heard me, but his gaze shifted towards mine and he sighed. I couldn’t possibly continue with their plan with everything I know, right? I was taught to fulfill my mission, but this felt wrong. Letting them take the lives of innocent people, felt wrong. Emotional, that is what they used to call me in the red room. They focused their training on getting me to not let my emotions overcome me, knowing it would distract me from my target. Looking at James I can’t help but let myself get emotional, he didn’t deserve this no matter how many people would disagree. I knew I couldn’t let this plan go through, couldn’t let HYDRA win and hand them the ending they seek. Everything about finishing this mission felt wrong.

So I gave myself a mission, knowing this was the only way I could go through with this mentally and physically. No matter what, with the given opportunity, I will stop them. Bare hands or with help, dead or alive, this wasn’t about me anymore.

The next day rolled around and I woke up in my own bed, went to train and later on sat in the room filled with HYDRA agents while going through the next mission that was assigned to us. “Agent (y/l/n), you go with Pierce while he is with the World Security Council, making sure everything goes as planned and keeping an eye on our boss.” Nodding, they made me go through the entire plan again. Walking in as Pierces’ guard, making sure they all had their electrifying pins. James was assigned to make sure the gigantic jets weren’t touched or pulled down by any outside source. Basically, he had to fight Steve making sure him and his friends won’t be anywhere near them.

I wasn’t assigned to kill Natasha on this mission, leading to Pierce’s words echo in my head “And remember, you won’t have any second chances.” While I try to figure out his motive. What was his play here? I thought he wanted me to prove I could kill her, instead he sends me to guard him? Did he expect her to be in the room, or he just gave up on trusting me with this case and let James have her, knowing he will finish it like the boss wants to. I hoped she was going to appear in the consultation room, and that James wouldn’t get a hold of her.

Training starts right after everyone knows and understands their assigned mission. Everyone throwing fists and shooting at moving targets while preparing for probably their last mission before HYDRA takes over the world, or so they thought.

********

taglist(i cant believe i have this): @mylifeissucky123 @itsanallygator @redqueenstorm

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #marvel imagine #avengers imagine #aaaGGHHDSG i am not sure about this part don;t HATE MEEEEE this is awful

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mama-m1na · 5 years

Text

The Kiss of Death: Chapter 2

~~~II~~~

Two months had passed since the prince had begun courting the young Lemurian girl, and in those two months they had grown much closer much to the disappointment of the king.

Ten years prior to this, the King of Ukaidia had waged war against the small archipelago country of Lemuria in hopes of not only gaining more land, but also to destroy all of her people.

He viewed the Lemurians as uncultured monkeys who were only wasting the potential of their land, living in the way they did.

Following this train of thought, the almighty King Armedeyus III of Ukaidia waged a war against these island peoples that lasted two years, with heavy casualties to both sides.

The war ended with a peace treaty that stated both sides would end the war and become mutual trade partners, allowing safe immigration through both countries, but evidently one country followed through on the treaty much better than the other.

In present day Ukaidia, pure blood Lemurians are allowed in the kingdom; however, the hate for them from the Ukaidians still existed, especially from their king.

So when he found out that Prince Umi, his second son and own blood, was courting the wretched Lemurian woman who had wormed her way into living in the capital, to say he was angry would be a massive understatement.

“My Father, My King,” Umi addressed as he knelt before the throne upon which his father sat, “I have said this before and I will say this again, I will continue to love Rhamina as long as she allows me to and nothing will sway my decision.”

“Umi, listen to the nonsense you speak, my son,” the older king bellowed from his spot, “She is not worthy of your attention! You are a proud prince of Ukaidia! You should be marrying a princess, or a noblewoman at least! Not some monkey from the jungles of that hell on earth.”

“Father, that war was and has been over for years now,” the prince spoke as he rose to stand with hazel eyes narrowed at his father, “Your people have moved on, I have moved on, my siblings have moved on, I believe it’s time that you do the same.”

With that statement, the teen turned around and walked out of the throne room, passing his mother, Queen Meiko, who was just on her way in.

Upon seeing the expression her son wore added to his aggravated state, the brown-haired woman immediately knew what had just been spoken between the father and son.

“Darling, let’s just calm down a little now,” the queen spoke in a soothing tone as she rest one of her hands on the king’s shoulder.

In response, the king slammed his gauntlet covered hand down on the armrest of his throne, the sound reverberating throughout the almost empty throne room.

“Calm down?! How can I calm down, Meiko, when our own son believes that he’s in love with that wench?!” the male exclaimed, face turning red from anger and frustration as his grey hairs stood up on edge, “Can’t you see that our beloved umi has been bewitched by that damned Lemurian succubus?!”

“Dear, he has not been bewitched by anyone,” Meiko spoke with a small frown as she looked to the old man, “Why can’t you just leave our son to love as he wishes?”

“Plus, you’ve known the girl for,” the queen continued, trying to reason with her husband, “Surely you know she is no threat to our son or this kingdom.”

“Though it is true that I let you bring back a pet to humor you all those years ago, I now see that was a mistake,” the king growled causing his wife to gasp in surprise before her gaze hardened into a glare.

“I don’t know what happened to you all those years ago, Armadeyeus, but this is not the man I fell in love with,” hissed Meiko before she stormed out of the room, much like her son had minutes prior.

Stopping in front of her son’s room, the queen lightly knocked on the door before hearing a faint, “Come in,” from her second son and child.

She opened the door to see the silver-haired male holding a blue velvet box in his hands as he sat on his bed, deep in thought.

“Are you finally going to give that to her?” Meiko asked as she sat down on the bed next to him.

“Yes, but I can only hope she isn’t too upset with me for keeping it from her for this long,” the male sighed as he turned the box over in his right hand, the left running through the hair that he had just taken out of it’s usual ponytail.

“Umi, I have no doubt in my mind that this will change almost nothing between you two. It might even make you two come closer than you already are. The both of you are in love with each other and that’s obvious,” Meiko spoke as she placed her hands over the ones still fiddling with the small box, “Plus, this needs to come from you, my son, she trusts you the most.”

“That’s not true,” the prince retorted as he let out a huff, “she trusts her sisters more than she trusts anyone else.”

“That’s to be expected, Dear, but you carry something that they do not have and you are the only one who can give this to her,” Meio explained with an encouraging smile.

“Alright,” Umi resolved as his gaze never left the small blue box he held, “I’ll give it to her.”

The next day was the fifth of March, otherwise known to the majority of the castle inhabitants as a certain ravenette’s birthday, and a special one at that. It was the day she became an official adult in society.

Rhamina walked up to the castle ready for a normal day full of practice as she did every few days.

As soon as she walked into the large music room, she was met by the wide eyes of those in the Royal Ukaidian Band who did not have their instruments out nor did they have their music or stands, or anything really.

They all just looked up at her with frantic looks as if they had been caught doing some heinous crime punishable by law.

“Mina, what the fuck are you doing here?” a taller male with short, black hair asked as others began looking at each other nervously.

“What do you mean?” the ravenette blinked in pure confusion as the band director walked out of her office, “It’s Thursday, right?” Don’t we have practice today?”

“Mina what’s the date today?” a female named Sierra asked as she waved people down behind her back.

“I don’t know,” Rhamina replied after a moment of thinking, not noticing the multiple teenagers going to hide in the various practice rooms, “But why does that matter?”

“It’s March fifth you dumbass!” Sam exclaimed as she peaked her head out of the locker that held her string bass.

“Oh, it’s my birthday today,” she spoke in realization as her eyes widened, “Oh my god, I turn eighteen today!”

“Aren’t you supposed to be with your boyfriend right now?” Tijarah asked, everyone mentally thanking the teen.

“Oh, shoot, I amn! Bye guys!” rhamina exclaimed as she frantically dashed out of the door.

As soon as the door had slammed behind her, everyone let out an audible sigh of relief as the dark skinned female huffed.

“You’re welcome,” Tijarah spoke before munching on some cookies she definitely was not supposed to be eating into the band room.

Meanwhile, Rhamina ran all the way to where she was supposed to meet up with Umi; which, was by the lake some way behind the castle.

It was sectioned off as a place where only royals and nobility could go, so it was relatively empty, but that only added to its natural beauty as it meant that there were less people to disturb it.

“Umi!” she called upon seeing the familiar form of her prince standing by the edge of the water before slowing to a walk.

“I’m sorry,” she panted, brushing her hair out of her face while trying to slow her breathing, “I completely forgot what day it was!”

“Rhamina, sometimes I worry about you,” the male spoke as he took the ravenette’s hands in his own and rubbed them with his thumbs, “The same thing happened last year. You really should take a break.”

“Nah,” I’m fine as long as I have you and all of my friends, then I’ll live forever!” the ravenette chirped as she engulfed the male in a large hug, almost knocking the taller male off of his feet.

The male only chuckled in response as he wrapped his arms around the female’s smaller form and whispered, “Happy birthday, Rhamina.”

They stayed like that for a few moments, just relishing in each other’s presence as a cool breeze blew ripples across the lake’s surface.

“Did you bring them?” the ravenette asked as she pulled away from the hug.

“Yes, but I don’t know why you would ask for ice skates when there’s no ice,” Umi replied as he gestured to a brown bag lying a few feet away from the pair.

“Oh there will be,” Rhamina chirped excitedly as she knelt at the edge of the water, “Just you wait and see, my dear Umi.”

Placing her hands palm down on the surface of the water, Rhamina took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and let her energy channel in her hands, the familiar feeling of magic running through her entire form.

As the ravenette’s eyes were closed, Umi watched as her hair began floating as if she were submerged underwater and as a light purple aura enveloped her form.

Soon enough, the water underneath her hands turned into ice before it spread across the entire lake.

Opening her eyes, Rhamina allowed the flow of magic to slow back to its normal rate as the aura surrounding her disappeared and her hair gave back in to the force of gravity.

Umi stood speechless as the ravenette just smiled up at him.

The prince had seen her perform feats with magic before, but that was a while ago and it had never been to the extent of what the female had just demonstrated.

“Are you just going to stand there, Umi?” he heard Rhamina ask as she pulled out the pair of skates that fit her and put them on before lacing them securely, “I told you there would be ice, didn’t I?”

“That you did,” the male replied with a proud smirk before following the ravenette’s lead and exchanging his boots for a pair of ice skates in his size.

Rhamina was the first to set foot on the ice and as soon as she was stable, the ravenette took off, zipping around the lake and having fun before stopping in front of Umi who was still getting used to the ice after having not done this in a long time.

The pair spent a majority of the morning just skating on the frozen surface of the lake before they took a break for lunch; which, Umi so graciously brought with him.

“It’s nice to actually have a partner to share this day with,” Rhamina spoke as she sat next to the prince, resting her head on his shoulder, “Don’t get me wrong, I love hanging out with everyone else, but this feels different… a bit more special, you know?”

“I do,” Umi replied with a smile as he looked down at the girls he held to side side, “You have no idea how long I’ve wished to hold you like this.”

“Can you give me an idea?” the female hummed as she closed her eyes, relaxing into the warmth from her partner with the simultaneous chill of the breeze.

“I believe I realized my feelings for you around the time when you were almost taken by slave traders,” the prince replied, thinking back to a time when the pair were much younger and so much different from who they were in the present.

“Are you serious?” Rhamina realized with wide eyes as she looked up to the younger male, “Umi, that was barely a year after I came to Lemuria.”

“Yes, I am perfectly serious,” the male stated as he brought a hand up to cup her cheek, looking her right in the eyes, “When you were missing, I was thrown into a complete state of panic and I couldn't stop thinking of all the worst things that could have happened to you. So, when we found you, the amount of relief I felt, paired with the way my heart sped up upon seeing your smile again, led me to the answer.”

“I’m sorry, Umi,” the ravenette apologized as she wrapped her arms around both of his shoulders, nuzzling her face into the male’s neck, “you’ve been holding those feelings for so long and I just never noticed.”

“Yes and as soon as I realized and came to accept these feelings I held for you, I just kept finding more reasons to fall in love with you,” the prince continued, earning a whine from the female.

“Stop” she whined with a pout as she hid her face in her hands, “you’re just making me feel super guilty!”

“I’m sorry,” the male chuckled into the top of the ravenette’s head before reaching into his nearby bag to pull out a blue, velvet box.

“Rhamina, before I give this to you, I just want to apologize for keeping it from you for so long. I just didn’t know how you’d react,” Umi said, bringing the box into the ravenette’s view, “But I know this needs to fall in your hands, otherwise it would never be returned home.”

The girl raised a brow at the male’s strange behavior before opening the box given to her, finding an embossed, gold ring sitting in the plush, black cushion in the box.

Rhamina sat in wide eyed silence for a few moments before her eyes started watering and her lips began to quiver.

She quickly hugged the item to her chest as tears began to fall freely from her eyes and as whimpers left her mouth.

“Rhamina?” I’m sorry I just-” “No, don’t be,” the ravenette spoke through her tears, “please. I’m just so happy. All this time I thought they destroyed this and that it was my all my fault.

The silver-haired prince was confused before the ravenette brought the ring forward and once again began channeling her magic, this time through the ring.

Almost immediately, the piece began to levitate, just above her open palms, and opened revealing multiple layers of smaller rings within the initial band, all inscribed with astronomical symbols the prince did not understand the meanings of.

While all this was happening, a figure hidden in the shadows gasped as the ringed orb opened itself up.

Soon enough the confusion on the figure’s face morphed into a sadistic smirk as they channeled their own magic in a black aura.

Now sitting in their hand was a coin-sized red spider with large black eyes and even larger black fangs.

Setting the spider on the ground the figure turned around and fled in the opposite direction of the teenagers, not making a sound.

“This relic has no name, but it it my people’s most important treasure,” Rhamina explained as she smiled fondly at the glowing piece, “It’s said to have the power to awaken gods of great power.”

“One family was given the responsibility of protecting the relic,” the continued as she let the glow dissipate, letting it return to its original form before slipping it onto her right ring finger, “but after my parents died in the war to protect our country, I just couldn’t protect it properly on my own.”

“So you were the one who was guarding the stone temple on the last day of the war?” Umi asked with wide eyes as he could only stare at Rhamina in shock.

“Yes, my guardian or true name is ‘Kitsami Verum Princeps Ibadora,’ but it’s been so long since I’ve been able to safely even say it out loud. I barely used it back in the temple too, since it was normally only used for rituals or really formal gatherings,” she spoke with a sad smile as she reminisced about her younger childhood, the golden eyes once again flashing through her head.

“Thank you Umi,” the ravenette said softly, “I can at least get some closure about one of my failures now.”

“I know you must have resented me when I first came off the boat, but I’m so glad things ended up this way,” Rhamina continued as she latched herself to Umi’s waist, voice cracking as more tears streamed down her face, “Even back in Lemuria so many looked down on and criticized me for the way I acted, the way I lived, and who I spent my time with. Even my parents looked down on me and kept pushing me away whenever I was vulnerable in front of them! But, you were one of the first people who even bothered to try to understand me.”

The prince let Rhamina get her tears out as he ran his, for once, non-gloved fingers through her long, black locks before saying, “It’s unfortunate for me to say this, but you were right about me resenting you in the beginning.”

“Ever since I was born, I was raised with the idea that Lemurians were all savages, monsters who ravaged the lands and slayed anyone who came near them,” Umi spoke with a frown on his face, “but when you arrived as a shy, quiet, little girl with massive amounts of physical and magical power, it frustrated me. That paired with the fact my mother constantly doted on you… I guess I was just jealous.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Let me finish speaking please.”

“...”

“Thank you,” the prince sighed running a hand through the bangs that fell over his forehead.

“I kept this hate for you until your birthday that year,” he continued, briefly clenching his free hand as owlish eyes watched his form before he relaxed, “I was taking a walk behind the caste when I heard someone getting beat,. I peaked around a tree to see that it was a group of castle servants kicking and berating a child who was curled up on the ground. Once I realized that it was you, I started to walk away until I heard the most broken voice apologize to them. It wasn’t mocking or cocky in any way, the child was genuinely apologizing just for existing, just for being born into this world.”

“I remember that day!” You pulled out Mjolnir and sent an arrow past us. I remember crying out of both fear and gratitude,” the ravenette chuckled, “But regarding your statements about Lemurians, they aren’t necessarily false, you know? I’ve killed a lot of people during the war.”

“Don’t forget that I too have spilled blood on the battlefield, my love,” Umi spoke as he tilted the female’s head up to look her in the eyes once again, “and you did it to protect yourself and your people, that’s how war or battle in general goes.”

“Neither of us have our hands clean but at least we have each other,” the prince whispered, leaning closer to lay a gentle kiss on the female’s lips that she was quick to return.

After their lunch, Rhamina unfroze the lake and they dropped off their picnic supplies to the castle before walking to the ravenette’s small home.

“Shit, I’m running low,” Rhamina huffed upon pulling out an almost empty bottle of her lip gloss, “I’ll have to make some more soon.”

“You make it?” Umi asked as he sat on the female’s bed as she removed her coat and boots, placing them in their appropriate spots in her closet.

“Yes, but to be honest I have to be really careful when I wear it and when I make it, I have to make sure to make only exact portions for a single tube,” sighed Rhamina as she sat down at the desk across the bed, pulled out her journal and a fountain pen, which had been gifted to her by the silver-haired prince, before letting it glide across the pages once again, “Things could go to literal shit if I’m not actively thinking.”

“Care to elaborate?” the male teen asked as he laid back into Rhamina’s plush mattress.

“Well, have you heard of the ‘Kiss of Death’?” the ravenette asked, not looking back lest she lose her flow of writing, “I’m almost 100 percent sure you have.”

“You mean that tradition that killed hundreds of your own people?” Umi asked in concern, “Are you meaning to tell me you repeatedly make and use a concoction of deadly poisons to wear on your lips?”

“Yes,” she replied automatically, “Pure blooded Lemurian woman are completely immune to the poisons and toxins we create these days and plus only really traditional families still use it, including my own.”

“Don’t worry though,” chirped the ravenette as she turned over her shoulder, “I make sure to take it off completely when we kiss.”

The male’s face immediately turned a bright red in response to the girl’s blunt statement, causing her to burst out laughing at the sight of her flustered, non-functioning, partner.

“What?” she asked through her fit as Umi glared at her, “What’s wrong, Dear? I’m only telling the truth.”

“You are impossible to understand,” Umi glared as he covered his mouth and nose with one of his hands, “One minute you’re acting like a delicate young woman and the next you’re a complete cocky brat.”

“Well doesn’t that say something about you when you’re so attracted to me?” Rhamina teased with a large smirk on her face and mischief in her eyes before that facade shattered completely.

“I’m sorry!” she cried, flinning herself into the male’s form, “I was just teasing! I couldn’t help myself, you looked so adorable all red and flustered!”

“Please don’t be upset with me,” she pleaded silently, looking into Umi’s eyes with her own large, innocent orbs.

“You’re lucky it’s your birthday,” the male scoffed, petting the girl’s head as they just laid there with their legs tangled together and relishing in each other’s presence.

A few hours passed before the pair decided to return to the castle so the ravenette could spend some time with her other friends.

Upon entering the band room, it was empty and completely dark; which was strange since drumline was supposed to have a scheduled practice that afternoon.

Or even if the practice was cancelled, there were always some lingering members of any of the instrumental music groups just hanging out in the room until nightfall.

Rhamina raised a brow and snapped, the magical tools in the ceiling turning on so light could flood the spacious room.

“Surprise!” a chorus of voices cheered as the ravenette looked around to see balloons and streamers covering almost every part of the familiar space.

Written on the moveable whiteboard on wheels was ‘Happy Birthday Mina!’ along with a chibi drawing of the ravenette right under it.

“Is this why y’all looked freaked out when I showed up this morning?” she chuckled as many of the younger teenagers ran up to engulf her in a giant hug.

“Yes,” laughed a girl with blonde hair and glasses, “We all saw you open the door and were like ‘Oh shit!’”

“Yeah, Mina, when you came in I was carrying something in from the backyard when you walked in and I couldn’t come back in until you left!” a half-Lemurian male exclaimed as he stood next to his partner, “It was fucking cold outside!”

Most of the large group of the ravenette’s friends burst out into laughter as another half-Lemurian male exclaimed, “Shut up, Joel!”

“I’m sorry, Joel,” chuckled the ravenette as the shorter male attempted to walk over to fight his much, much taller friend before she walked to the center of the group and said, “Guys, thank you all so much, you really didn’t have to do this.”

“Yes the fuck we did!” exclaimed Kerstin from her spot next to her own partner, “You’re the only one in this band that we haven’t been able to throw a surprise party for until today and that was still difficult even with Umi’s help!”

“Yeah, Mina, we’ve been trying to plan this out for years,” Sam chuckled as she held a cup of… suspicious… liquid, “But you’re literally everywhere!”

“Do you know how hard it is to plan and organize a surprise party for someone who sees and hears everything?” Tijarah asked as she wrapped an arm around the ravenette’s shoulder, “Love you, Mina.”

“Love you too, Tijarah,” the female chuckled as the party kicked itself off with a literal bang as someone thought it would be a good idea to give all of the trumpets and drummers all of the confetti poppers.

About an hour into the celebration, the people from the jazz ensemble got their instruments and music out and set up towards the front of the room.

As soon as her friends began playing, Rhamina turned her head towards the group, earning a wink from the lead saxophone, Sierra.

“When marimba rhythms start to play, dance with me, make me sway,” the ravnette sung as she sauntered her way up to the musicians, “Like a lazy ocean hugs the shore, hold me close, make me sway.”

“Like a flower bending in the breeze, bend with me, sway with ease,” she continued, sitting up on the front counter before dramatically crossing her legs, “When we dance you have a way with me, stay with me, sway with me.”

“Other dancers may be on the floor, Dear, but my eyes will see only you,” Rhamina sung, grabbing people to dance with before pairing them with each other, “Only you have that magic technique, when we sway I go weak.”

“I can hear the sound of violins, long before, it begins,” she sang finally pulling Umi towards her, “Make me thrill as only you know how, sway me smooth, sway me now.”

“When marimba rhythm starts to play, dance with me, make me sway. Like an ocean hugs the shore, hold me close, make me sway.”

It was as if time had slowed down for the two teenagers.

“Like a flower bending in the breeze, bend with me, sway with ease. When we dance you have a way with me, stay with me, sway with me.”

As the two danced together, both of their magic started to flow freely.

“When marimba rhythms start to play, hold me close, make me sway. Like an ocean hugs the shore, hold me close, sway me more.”

When bother aura’s met, they fused together, creating a larger, white aura that was felt by everyone in the castle.

“Like a flower bending in the breeze, bend with me, sway with ease. When we dance you have a way with me, stay with me, sway with me!”

When the song was over, Rhamina and Umi just stood there looking into each other’s eyes as they tried to catch their breaths.

“Kiss already you fools!” Tijarah screamed as she casually stole someone’s food right off of their plate.

Quickly the ravenette wiped off her lips before reaching up to give Umi a quick peck on the cheek only for the male to turn and give her a full kiss on the lips.

Cheers erupted from the crowd and one specific trumpet player exclaimed, “Yeah! Go Ramen!”

Meanwhile, a certain female stood in the shadow of the whiteboard, glaring down the seventeen-year-old male, causing a shiver to run down his spine.

“It seems that my little brother has gotten much bolder since I left,” chuckled a familiar deep voice.

“Older brother!” the prince called as a taller male with short brown hair and silver armor walked up to the couple, “When did you return?”

“This morning,” the first prince of Ukaidia replied before turning to the ravenette, “Happy birthday, Lady Rhamina, it seems you and my brother have finally gotten together, huh?”

“Thank you, Prince Ryoto,” Rhamina chuckled, bowing her head slightly, “and yes. Although it did come as a bit of a surprise when Umi started courting me.”

“Did it?” Ryoto asked, running a hand through his hair, “well, then I guess I owe Haru a new halberd.”

“Yeah, you do!” chirped the said princess as she appeared into the conversation from seemingly nowhere, “Make sure it’s made of light silver!”

“Yes, yes of course,” the older prince sighed as he shook his head.

“Wait just a second,” Umi spoke with narrowed eyes towards his siblings, “Are you meaning to say that you’ve made a wager on this?”

“Yep,” Haru replied, “Ryo-chan bet that Rhamina would confess her feelings to you first and I bet that you would be the one confessing first.”

Umi’s eyebrow twitched in irritation as Rhamina stood next to him, only blinking while feeling slightly offended.

“Relax, Umi, we’re not the only ones who made a bet like this, watch,” Haru said before turning to the crowd, “Anyone who made some kind of bet about Umi and Rhamina’s relationship, raise your hands!”

Simultaneously, everyone’s hand in the room went up causing a fake smile to creep onto the ravenette’s face face as she clasped both of her hands together, eyebrow twitching.

“See?” Haru asked with a shrug, “Told you we weren’t the only ones.”

“Alright, since it’s my birthday, I’ll be merciful and give y’all two days to apologize to either me or Umi,” Rhamina announced through gritted teeth, “if you don’t apologize by then… Well good luck.”

The celebration continued on for a few more hours and towards the end, they all gathered around a large cake with eighteen candles lit around the edge.

“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Rhamina. Happy birthday to you.”

‘I wish that this happiness of mine will last forever,’ the ravenette thought to herself before she took a deep breath and blew out all eighteen candles in one go.

As cheers once again erupted around the female, she was embraced by everyone and a light feeling fluttered in her chest.

After helping clean to an extent, Umi accompanied Rhamina to the gate in order to walk her home; however, just before they could leave, a familiar voice stopped them.

“Rhamina!” called a woman’s voice, causing both teens to stop in their tracks and turn around to face the owner of the voice.

“Mom,” the ravenette whispered as the form of Queen Meiko approached the two teens with the light of the full moon shining down on them.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to you party, Rhamina,” the brunette apologized, “But I wanted to let you know how proud of you I am.”

“You’ve grown into such a wonderful woman and I’m so glad I was able to see it,” she continued placing a gentle hand on the ravenette’s cheek, “I only wish that your real family were here to see it.”

“Thank you, mother,” Rhamina smiled, tears forming in her eyes once more.

“Now,” Meiko said to both of the teenagers, “Both of you make sure to take care of each other, alright?”

“Yes, mother,” the bother of them replied at the same time, reaching out to hold hands.

When the ravenette got home, she couldn’t stop smiling as she got ready to go to bed and as she fell asleep, her thoughts went back to her wish.

‘I wish that this happiness of mine will last forever.”

The next morning, the sunlight hit the ravenette’s eyes through a gap in her curtains, but that wasn’t what woke her up.

It was the loud pounding that came from her front door.

Upon opening it, she was greeted with several knights, all aiming their halberds at her with glares in their eyes.

“Rhamina Miu, Withc of lemuria, you are hereby under arrest for the murder of our Queen meiko!”

~~~Fin, Chapter 2~~~

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Song Used: “Sway” Micheal Buble

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#The Kiss of Death #Chapter two #Original Story

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somniatcr · 5 years

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character study series--- o.rihara i.zaya

let us first begin with what may be, perhaps, one of the most important questions regarding my personal portrayal of this character--- do i genuinely view and / or write izaya as being sociopathic in nature?

essentially, yes, i do. mostly. izaya, inherently, is complex, impossible to specifically narrow or pigeonhole into any one particular category. that’s not him, it isn’t how he works. does he tend to fit or to display certain sociopathic behaviors or tendencies? he absolutely does, yes.

izaya has shown himself to be absolutely masterful in the arts of manipulation and conning; there’s zero room for doubt or question here. he, at times, displays a grandiose sense of self, namely in regard to his high level of intelligence ( which is fair and we’ll touch on that later ). he frequently displays a lack of remorse for his actions; he doesn’t feel shame nor guilt for the things that he says, that he does, nor is he bothered whatsoever by the consequences or repercussions that follow--- this is blatantly displayed during his initial introduction to the series in which he manipulates, drugs, and kidnaps a girl who, following a conversation and his taunts, attempts to leap to her own death; an action which, ultimately, doesn’t affect him in the slightest ( it’s also implied that he may have been responsible for multiple suicides under similar circumstances in the same locale, though he of course denies this--- note; this is based strictly on izaya in the anime as the manga portrays this scene very differently ).

his emotional range is, for the most part, shallow; this can be argued at points, but ultimately he lacks warmth, compassion, isn’t capable of the sort of love felt or experienced by most ( a fact to which he, himself, more or less attests to ), and remains unmoved and lacks both sympathy and / or empathy where most people otherwise wouldn’t. which leads us to the following point, he lacks empathy for others--- if anything, he’s amused by the distress, the pain, and / or the anger that he causes others and, furthermore, frequently goes on to take advantage of it, as is shown time and time again to be his nature. he has a near constant need for stimulation; this can be seen in both his chaotic behaviors ( his scheming, the games in which he plays with others, the creation of chaos amongst others, his constant conflicts with shizuo, etc ) to his frequent playing of chess in his downtime ( even if only with himself, as he admits to he, himself, being his greatest opponent ). he’s incredibly versatile in his criminal activities, i.e. changing his identity at will or as needed to avoid being caught or to manipulate and deceive others ( each and every last one of his online personas is an absolute testament to this ).

he also doesn’t necessarily have what i would consider to be any sort of particularly realistic life plans or goals, ultimately being hyper-focused on supplying himself with mental stimulation, wreaking havoc about the city that he claims to love, proving shizuo to be the monster that he resolutely believes him to be, and finding companions who meet this strict, almost impossible, criteria of his ( again, something we’ll be touching on shortly ).

that said, do i believe him to be an absolute sociopath? almost, but no.

regardless of however i may happen to talk about izaya, however i happen to, at times, write izaya, i don’t believe he’s entirely what he seems to be.

izaya is, without a shadow of a doubt, phenomenal at what he does, but not because of any sort of mental disorder, it’s because he has built himself up to be the person that he is. izaya is nearly one hundred percent self-made. he’s easily the most highly intelligent character within his respective series, so much so that he actually laments the fact that he has no intellectual rival ( told you we’d be coming back to this ). izaya is a rare form of genius, a large portion of his intelligence being rooted in his own form of observational proficiency; in the way that he takes in, absorbs, visual, auditory, and sensory information and in the way in which he happens to categorize and log away all of this information, forming patterns and creating his own mental files. furthermore, he never forgets things, not anything. he may, at times, pretend to or feign ignorance, but he absolutely doesn’t forget. he also has an eidetic memory and is capable of recalling faces or images from memory, even if only having seen them once and for a short amount of time.

it’s essentially this, his mind, his overall intelligence that initially sets him on the path that it does, that leads to izaya becoming the person that he is today. during his youth, it’s remarked upon that his parents were actually quite concerned for him as it’s stated that he disliked interacting with other children or, later in life, with people his own age ( perhaps, even, people in general ). there are two very plausible reasons for this. the first being that as a child, he was likely ostracized due to his level of intelligence. he was, simply put, on a much different level intellectually which made it difficult for him to interact with his peers and vice versa. which, in the end, led him to then remove himself from these social interactions entirely--- which happens to be our reason two; if he’s going to be shunned or excluded anyway, then why bother trying to include himself in the first place. at least in removing himself from the situation of his own accord he has a sense of control. something that he needs.

inherently, he’s actually quite lonely. it isn’t as though he’s above human interaction as a whole, nor is he incapable of wanting or forming connections with other people altogether ( although i don’t believe him to be capable of forming and maintaining healthy relationships with others ). but, rather, it’s that he has, thus far, been incapable of forming such connections with the people that he’s met. no one rivals his mind save for him. he wants stimulating conversation, he wants to be surprised and to be challenged, and no one supplies this, no one provides him with what he needs ( the closest that he’s canonically come to this is shinra, who spiraled so deeply into his obsession with celty that he, more or less, cast his relationship with izaya to the side ). and, so, ultimately he’s left bored and wanting. which then leads him to create his own stimuli ( something that rarely bodes well for anyone else ).

ironically, his shallow emotional range and incapability of effectively understanding and processing the emotion that he does feel is also largely part of what has led izaya to become the person that he is now. he’s lonely, yes, but lacks a full and true awareness of the fact that he is so, deeming such feelings to simply be boredom. he feels empty, a sort of void, and immediately jumps to that one particular conclusion time and time again--- he must be bored. there, as far as he is aware, can be no other logical explanation.

he also has experienced jealousy, primarily notable when shinra essentially ditched him for celty, which triggered a whole series of unhealthy coping mechanisms ranging from obsession ( which he has another of in shizuo ) to him flagrantly casting aside what little remained of his capabilities in regard to vulnerability and emotional expression. he was unable to properly form and maintain one human relationship and, so, naturally would refrain from making the same mistake again. izaya, if nothing else, is consistent and learns his lesson the first time around ( even if, perhaps, the takeaway that he gets from it is very, very wrong ).

in his own twisted way, it’s this deep seeded, misconstrued loneliness that leads him to his self-proclaimed human loving behavior ( always plural, always collective, and never the singular person ). this is where these emotions / behaviors and his sociopathic tendencies begin to intermingle, where the lines begin to blur, izaya walking this odd line of claiming to love humans unilaterally due to being unable to find and connect with that one person and loving humans due to simply finding them to be fun and for his own enjoyment, their nature and behaviors fascinating to him. it’s all at once disturbing and depressing and indicates this bizarre simultaneous mental instability and frightening level of self-awareness and control.

as a result, the only connections that he’s since been able to form are of a superficial level, people only wanting to get to know him, to become close with him, due to a facade, a fabrication of his own self that he’s used to lure them in, to use or to manipulate them for his own personal benefit. this, however, is something of a double-edged sword; he’s granted, albeit temporarily, with the mental stimuli that he craves, that he desperately needs, but in jumping from one person to the next ( enacting numerous mind games, collecting people and drowning himself in these near constant social interactions ), he’s overfilling those aforementioned mental files of his, he’s interacted with so many people, experienced so many interactions, that, over time, everyone begins to become predictable. he becomes more and more difficult to entertain and so, oftentimes, is left at least vaguely disappointed. which, in turn, causes him to continuously up his game, to up the stakes, leading to further and further consequence--- even going so far as to put his own life at risk, to risk death, for the sake of satisfying his own personal agenda or to prove a point ( case and point, his final fight with shizuo, which leaves his body utterly destroyed and leads to him being stabbed and near death; he’s ultimately fine with being killed if it’s at shizuo’s hand just so that he can finally prove that shizuo is, in fact, the monster that he’s constantly touting him to be--- note !! this particular scene / interaction is one that i don’t entirely maintain as canon for my particular portrayal of izaya ).

izaya is, without a doubt, the great villain in his respective series, but in becoming so has found himself becoming his own great villain as well. his inherent problematic qualities coupled with misconceived loneliness and emotional repression has led to him being his own greatest vice. he’s incapable of relinquishing control, banishes all signs of vulnerability ( however few there may be ), and views others as being beneath him, none capable of being or becoming his intellectual equal.

long story short, izaya is one part sociopath, one part self-made enemy number one ( both in regard to those unfortunate enough to cross his path and to himself ). and though i strive to bring out the best of both worlds, there’s only so much that i’m capable of in writing for a character quite so interesting and complex as this.

#☆. ( hc )#☆. ( izaya )#me: izaya is a rat bastard #also me: izaya is an incredibly complex character and in this essay i will--#anyway this is very. long. but it was fun to think about & write & really get into #my views & hcs & portrayal of izaya!#& i can't wait to do these for as many #of my muses as my brain will allow #suicide //#☆. ( character study )

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zebraslovescupcakestoo · 5 years

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An entry journal of a normal kid.

(A Kingdom Hearts/SVTFOE/Harry Potter/ Epic Mickey/ BBTIM AU)

Entry of an earth kid, day 106.

Hello private journal. It's me again, Felix Lockheart.

Before I start writing in another crazy adventure I had that sounded that came straight out of a fantasy magical princess fiction, although in this this case, magical 'princes,' I wished to revised on the summary and reflect on these past few months since then.

Before my life took a twisted 'magical' turn, it was almost upside down. I was just a quiet, average teenager that is one year away to get my beginner’s licence for a 50cc scooter. I don't have many friends apart from acquaintances and my family consisted a chief policemen who's my father, a older single mother of a sister who's doing just fine and kids of her own that are twins, which are at the time, quite a hand full!

What I meant is that I was almost a lone wolf, awkward socialist. I was one of those type of teenage boys who tried to be cool yet I have that geeky side of me who's interested in detective novels from Sherlock to Poirot, and Nancy Drew to Case Closed. I have an unusual talent of finding the details that most people missed and sometimes... it makes me distant from people. No matter how hard I tried to be normal, the other kids were treating me as an outcast, without the 'bullying' part on most days.

I tried numerous times to have some shed of acceptance until that one faithful day that I met my two new friends.

Oswald and Mickey Disney.

It started almost three months ago, March the XX, I got called in the principal office during a history test, which I luckily finished before the announcement was made. I was a bit worried, I do wanted to be noticed among my peers but NOT as a delinquent.

Upon arriving at the principal office, my first impression is 'what are those two who's appearances look like they've just graduated from kindergarten here and what does it have to do with me?' and there was my father and the principal himself.

Long story short, I was 'elected' by the principal and the teachers to be their tour guide while my father, who's constantly very busy at work, had explained to me that we will be having these 'foreign exchange students' living in our home... and that 'I' was the one to take care of them... I was in complete shock, mentally disturbed and thought is my life going to get weirder than it is?

That would be one of my biggest asking mistake I would have ever made.

I told myself at the time, that this is nothing special and that it will pass. It all started when we, me and the two bizarre guys, had just finished showing around the halls and a couple empty classrooms.

I wanted to write here a couple of reminder notes about the two 'foreign kids' that turns out to be unique if anyone new.

The first one I want to talk about is Mickey Disney, the younger sibling. I would describe him as the up-beat, enthusiastic, sun shine, positive, semi-innocent, lovable little brother. He is a very popular, well-liked kid even in my world. (I will explain in a bit!) Although sometimes, he acts like he's younger than his age but it is without cruel intention.

The second one I needed to talk about is the elder sibling, Oswald Disney. Also known as 'the type of guy I wished to be but can't cause it ain't happening!' He is what I describe the 'dark mysterious prince' type. He's the calm and collected, down-to-earth guy and he's probably likes to get on my nerves from time to time just to tease me... He's what I'd like to called the blue power ranger type. He's probably fit in with the cool kids much better even with whatever he's wearing at the time.

Back to the first day flash back, it was in the cafeteria that sparked our first 'mishap adventures' of the day and so on.

I've just finished showing and explaining the function of the cafeteria and which seat to avoid due to the 'clique systems' that was still a tradition in this school. While it's true that the faculties had enforced anti-bullying and zero tolerance policy, some of the kids had found some loop holes and it was a bit sneaky from one stand point.

The two brother's asked why but before I had to explained, the lunch rush started and the popular kids were at the front of the line. Upon look at me, they were snickering, laughing and they must have thought that I finally 'belong' to a group... of weirdos.

Mickey then asked me why are they laughing and I lied to him that it was nothing. But Oswald on the other hand, told him the cold hard truth that they were laughing at us and that they were mean. That made his unusual, heart shaped, cheek marks glow in a deep red tone when he made an angry expression and he 'marched' towards the popular kids. I immediately tried my best to pull him back but he was very strong and didn't even flinch when I pulled him back. He's smaller than I am yet I'm older...

Upon sawing their 'new' younger student, they just raised an eyebrow before he asked why are they laughing at me. One of them just plainly yet made some sort of an mocking English tone like Mickey doesn't understand our language, just when he clearly said it flawlessly to them. That triggered him to cast some sort of spell from his hands and into the tomato sauce which cause the saucy food to transform into one of those slime looking monsters. It almost attack one of the now frighten kids until the other 'foreign' student, Oswald cast some other spell that caused the tomato sauce monster disperse into a big splattered mess all over them and the cafeteria. He also cast another spell that makes them 'forget' on what just happened after Mickey ducked me down and then once he cast it, they quickly made the popular kids hold big spoon to look as if they were the ones who caused it before pulling me away from the scene. I remembered those 'star struck' dazed look when they had their memories erased while I was dragged out to the nearest empty classroom.

Just when the people outside of the classroom were all coming after the situation in the cafeteria, I almost blasted out until Oswald covered my mouth to keep quiet a bit longer while Mickey cast another spell that causes the room we're in to be 'inaccessible' for the normal people like me... THEN I started to freak out and demanded what the heck are they REALLY are.

That’s when Mickey revealed with a rainbow effect magic that they are magical princes from another dimension. I was still in a blank state of mind until Oswald snap his fingers to appear his Compact Communication and showed me a video message of their grandfather, who is the current king of the 'other dimension' they said they belong to.

I've already mentioned this at the beginning of this journal, but I will rewrite it in this part again for a better understanding.

It began with his introduction as the king of the place called Toonland. His name is King Yen Sid. He is currently the ruler of that world until he retired his crown to his son-in-law when he had his coronation after weeks marrying his daughter. Years passed and they have kids together which is Oswald and Mickey until one faithful day, there was the horrible Black Ink Disaster that invaded their kingdom, almost destroyed the whole kingdom with it's powers until their parents had to made a very difficult decision. They had to 'sealed' the black ink disaster in exchange of their lives...

I remembered that moment when I glanced behind Oswald's Compact Communication device, I can see Mickey's eyes filled with sadness and Oswald's painful expression upon the mention of their parents.

Since then, Yen Sid had to reclaim his position as king due to the fact that his grandsons were still too young at that time and they needed to complete their magical training before they can try for their Keyblade training at the age of sixteen. This was a needed requirement in their world in order to become the next king.

And here I was thinking that there's nothing more dangerous than my sister's first attempt in driving lessons. I was proven wrong again.

So upon the years they were growing up, they've developed in their separate ways their unique skills. If all worked well, both the brothers would be able to stand a winning chance against the black ink monster and freed their parents.

So just to keep it short, they decided to 'train' them with a compatible 'familiar,' which was needed for training, and among the counselors, Keyblade masters, sorcerers, yadda yadda yadda, they pin pointed- drum roll please....

Me. I was the only person in the whole 'dimensions' who can help them. BOTH of them.

Yeah, I know. Quite a load full to take in...

Looking back, it was quite a school year for me. Not only in my daylight hours, but also in my evenings and weekends.

Like my father had said, they moved in our home. I wondered if he ever asked any questions beyond their appearances, like how and why are they're here. Later I found out from Mickey who innocently said in a private conversation between us two that Yen Sid had 'convinced' him to take them in in my care... Guess the apple didn't fall off far from the family tree...

Since I was old enough to be left alone at nights, I was used to being on my own. I ordered take outs or cook my meals for one and then spend my time to do almost whatever I want due to the fact that I did mentioned that my father is a chief policemen. I also wanted to write a statement that just because my dad is a high ranking policemen, doesn't mean I can get away with anything and that I am responsible enough to take care of myself.

The only new problem was is that these two, at the time, weren't exactly the best roommates. When we first arrived at my house, Mickey was like a child who'd seen the outside world and visited his friend's house for the very first time. Oswald on the other hand, just stands there and examined every details from where I was standing. When he walked up to the door and reached the handle, it was locked. He kicked it down before I could get the chance to take out my house keys.

It was also the same time that I had to lay out the rules starting no kicking down locked door unless it was an emergency.

I've already written many of our early adventures from the beginning of this journal, but here were a few short stories to remind me:

Our founded 'neighbor's club' from day two with just us three.

The lecture of the Toonland history and reenactments of certain events.

Learned more about Mickey's life and Oswald's.

The second part of our tour guide to the gym and how we barely escaped the jocks for using dodge balls. By the Disney's magic again!

The library trip that ended up in a unicorn brawl.

Learned more on their life stories.

Learned about one of their adversaries, the ink minions and heartless, that travels from worlds to dimensions and 'attack' the normal people.

Help them with more complicated spells by being at their side.

Learned MORE about their lives....

And more stories goes on and on. I also wrote in this journal about the time our bonds grew deeper which I've already wrote it several times before...

Mickey have grown to be more responsible and well behaved since coming to my world. I knew in the beginning that he was thinking about his citizens, his family and that he loves them a lot. Especially to his big brother he said that he looks up to. He eventually learned to control his magic well and learned that he needs to think before he acts. Especially if he's willing to help others.

One story time, he told me that he wanted to grow vegetables even bigger to combat a famine crisis from one town over in his dimension. He did the spell successfully, but unknown to anyone, there was a praying mantis that got caught in his spell... Just to show he IS a nice guy, just sometimes things got off sided for him and that he didn't meant any harm.

Oswald also had grown in his personalty as well. At first, I thought he just needed to learn not to kick down doors. Boy, was I wrong! I will not lie, he was so bad with people that it made me more of an approachable person! I then learned more about him that he had lost a dear friend from an early age and he was almost over it until the 'Black Ink Disaster' happened that took their parents. It almost made him shut down completely if it wasn't for his grandfather and his little brother to come around, but it made him became more distant from people, including his own people.

I wouldn't be lying in this entry if I never understood why he would felt that way. If I'd lost someone who's dear and close to me, I'd be avoiding anyone just for not feeling the fear of losing someone again. Eventually, he learns to be more opened and kind to other people, after we had a conversation or two.

He was much more mature and on my level, but he was just as difficult to handle as much as his little brother sometimes.

Despite all of that, they manage to grew stronger in their magical abilities and in their character developments. I would almost considered them lucky to have those responsibilities from someone like me who's just an average kid that involves trying not to get into trouble and getting good grades. Which is another bundle of stories that I can always read back from previous entries.

The only problem is that their main threats, now including mine, were the Black Ink Minions and the Heartless that I've previously mentioned over and over again in here. Seems like these low level monsters are after the princes' lives, but unfortunately for them, they are NOT underestimated when it comes to combats.

Among training lessons stories that I wrote in this, I also wrote their battles, especially the big and special ones that stood out most.

At first they were mostly going after them. Over time, they became aware that I was a friend of them and from then on, I was their target too. Eventually, I did manage to learn self defense thanks to them, but I was still a bit short from the big leagues where they are since I don't have magical abilities.

After one high school year passed and one week before summer vacation starts, we had an unexpected visit from their grandfather and my old man who wanted to discus all three of us spending time together in their home country for the summer since we are such close friends and that I deserved a 'peaceful retreat.'

Which was understood in this world among the normal people who doesn't know the 'REAL' story...

When my father went to the kitchen to make a phone call arrangement for my passport, the king had cast the 'casing' spell just for all four of us to prevent future interruptions from the real time. Like it's frozen in time except for us.

Now the REAL reason on why us three needed back in Toonland is cause the princes were needed to aid the now immediate threat to all of us. Turns out there was two people who are commanding the Black Ink Minster's minions and then there was another one who commands the heartless. Despite their King's magical abilities and his best warriors at hand, they still needed help.

Thus came a big yet risky decision from the counsels and Keyblade masters alike that the princes will be required to learn the art of the Keyblade as soon as I finished my school days...

Just my black, cat luck! I spent most of my year in a school and I will be spending my summer vacation in another school. The only highlight is now it's my turn to take a breather since I'm their 'familiar' and I don't need to do much. Their subject studies and mines were very separate 'subjects' from each other, OK?

Then, fast forwards to my last day of school, I was relieved for a brief moment once the final bell rang. I sat at that desk a few more seconds while the rest of the kids bursts out of that door frame. It looks like a scene where the puppies were going all out at once, only this time the door was almost ripped off. I left second last kid from school so that I don't get run over from heels and wheels. When I arrived home, I was mentally prepared to face another three months in another school unknown to my family. What I DIDN'T expect is that the two brothers had already packed almost everything in my room in one of their own trunks that happens to be the same ones they've packed with when THEY arrived. (If I have a 'realistic' wish, I want those kinds of suitcases. It will help me move much better in the future!)

My family, included my sister and nephews at the time, wanted to wish me a safe and fun summer in their 'foreign' country before I left. Inky and Winky wanted to go with me, but my sister wanted to let me have my own time...

If only they knew them just as well as I do. They both had SUCH a hard time on understanding personal space in the first few days!

I have already wrote down there the method on how the heck did we traveled in another dimension, so just to keep it short recap, They ran THROUGH that brick wall in that naked part of a museum. I almost felt like one those stupid guys in JACK@&& that got caught in one of their pranks. The only saving grace from getting our face smashed in was their magic to open up the portal. We were then landed in the royal court of Toonlan's castle.

I was greeted by the whole kingdom. I'm talking about the commoners, royalties, merchants, aristocrats, you name it under one big castle!

...and my first interaction with them is that I arrived landing on my face on the red carpet. You know, THOSE first awkward impressions. Welp! I had worse...

Thankfully, they were in great cheers when they noticed that the princes arrived with me. So I guess that means that they were popular and very well liked. Unlike me who's aside a stranger in their land, I was an outcast as usual... even if I'm right in between them the entire reunion.

If ever I ask for a brother complex, these guys would be at the top of the list. Mickey was the center of attention without making a scene and everybody was attracted to him. Oswald on the other hand, I wanted to say he's more like 'playing it cool' and he's surrounded by the mature audiences and the 'cool kids' crowd... Even in this dimension, I would still be out of place. The only thing I did was standing near the appetizers that looks almost like a buffet for aliens... I'll skip the details of it to spare you from vomiting in this journal.

Suddenly Mickey rushed over to get me and dragged me to his circle of variety of friends. They seemed like they've been from a kid's cartoon characters with bright, colorful and positive attitudes. I also heard that Mickey will be enrolled in those Keyblade mastery classes in a day or two and that he's gonna be in the Hufflepuff Sorority in that school called Hogwarts. Sounds too familiar... I think I've read it in a book ages ago. Then Oswald came and asked them if he can 'borrow' me for a while too. Almost everyone's attitude changed except his little brother, like one of THE coolest older kid just walked in from their Pokemon trading card game. I way stared down by the 'cool kids' like in my world, but they didn't picked on me like they would. At least not yet. They seemed like they were fine with me and my awkwardness and then got introduced by one of the teachers of the sororities. Oswald was accepted in the Ravenclaw Sorority... That got me worried when I realized one tiny problem.

If I'm both their familiar, how can I be at their sides if their houses host different classes from each other? I mean, I've haven't been in colleague yet and have zero idea of their life styles, especially here, but if they're in different houses, how can they practice without me being there? Even if they can do it on their own, they still need me for backup.

It was more than their spell boosts. One time when we fought off a blueberry jam glob monster that Mickey accidentally cast a multi-spell to make more blueberry jam cause we ran out and it was big and it nearly ate him. I unconsciously grabbed a peanut butter jar and it was afraid of it. He lets go of Mickey and thankfully Oswald can in to save the day by casting an oblivion spell. (This spell is hard to master from what they said. Yikes!)

But my worries were then put to rest when I was told later by their grandfather that they'll be taught together and that we will not be separated. Also, most of the teachers will be visiting here instead of us coming over unless we came for a visit. Part of me was a bit relieved that I don't NEED to be in another prison cell like school, but at the same time, I wanted to see what it's like in there... I mean, one of them had a dragon at the party as a familiar for Pete’s sake! And it was only a few months old when I asked.

Anyways, I think I've sum it all up for now. We are indeed to start those training in a day or two. All of the things from my room is now set up by magic and that 'our' bed is a king sized one that can easily fit all three of us... I sometimes asked why can't we get a separate one. Then I was told is to 'bond' to my 'user' and that it eases them...

Sounds like it's an excuse for a 'too close for comfort' resort. Anyways, I will write in a new journal soon since this is my last entry here and I need more space to write.

I hope that in my next journal, I can write my adventures here in Toonland and discover more stories about the royal Disney family.

Singed: Felix Lockheart.

----Author’s Notes------

I hope that you like another one shot. I used multiple AU universes but it’s mostly on Star Vs The Forces Of Evil. I really LOVED the third and fourth season and that I wished that I would have watched the first two before that.

Now, I just wanted to say one thing before I forget, I did heard about the Harry potter series but I’ve been ‘banned’ to read/watched them when I was growing up. For separate reasons. I’ve only used the wiki fir house sororities references and a couple of movie clips for story purposes.

Anyways, I hope that you enjoyed a fun fanfic and I hope you have a fantastic day!

Kingdom Hearts, SVTFOE, Harry Potter, and Epic Mickey are under Disney.

BBTIM AU and Characters belongs to Marini4.

#kingdom #hearts #kingdom hearts #star vs the forces of evil #harry potter #epic mickey #Bendy and the Ink Machine #bendy before the ink machine #alternate universe #humanized #felix #felix the cat #mickey #mouse #mickey mouse #oswald the lucky rabbit #oswald #fanfiction #marini4

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littlestloaf · 4 years

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maybe around a month ago, i’d had to watch christopher nolan’s memento for my film studies module, and i’ve had a piece titled “memento: remembering to forget or forgetting to remember or simply doing whatever the fuck you want because reality isn’t real” sitting in my drafts folder since then. i’d really wanted to review it, because it’s the first time i had Thoughts after watching a nolan film. (in all fairness i’ve only ever seen one other nolan film which is inception but it was too much mindfuckery and i Did Not Like It.) i know never to procrastinate my writing because once i lose inspiration it’s Gone For Life (i have no reason to be capitalising random words but it is adding an Effect i cannot explain.) anyways. memento review not done, and it’s probably the only film i enjoyed in this module so far. go figure.

last night, because of eye redness and pain that should be diagnosed as chronic at this point, i found myself throwing an ice pack we used as kids to break fevers into a green hello kitty handkerchief we also used as kids and slapping it onto my eyes to relieve the itchiness and scary red veins. while praying that this better not be linked to my diabetes or turn me blind, i decided to pick back up on my recent public transport hobby - listening to podcasts. the title was “why did two parents murder their adopted child?”, from the guardian audio long read. (highly recommended by the way, especially if reading long articles turns you off.)

and i thought, yes, why?!?!?!? i wanted answers. i wanted to know if they were monsters, who made them monsters, or if this was just an elaborate media conspiracy.

this could be a spoiler if you plan to listen to the podcast, but also not very much so if you are an avid reader of keigo higashino’s books. which is that you pretty much do not get the why. there are speculations of course; the calm british male voice narrating the podcast points out that investigators thought the couple were selfish, narcissistic individuals, adopting the girl in a bid to elevate their already elevated upper middle-class nice friendly neighbourhood couple status. psychologists state that the mother was slightly mentally impaired by her depression and anxiety. the overarching theory was that, whatever reason they adopted the child for, they’d gotten tired of the effort required to raise her, the mental energy necessary to lavish on a pre-adolescent girl whom they’d already spent so much money and time on through ballet, violin, french, chinese, piano lessons. she was an intelligent, precocious young girl. months and weeks prior to her death she’d complained of giddiness, of feeling like someone was trying to kill her. it is unknown whether she was aware that, if the investigators’ theories were right, her parents had been trying to poison her with lorazepam for months, so much so that traces of it were found on the first 3 centimetres of a strand of her hair.

if you’d watched memento you’d know that the basic premise of it is about this man who suffers from extreme short-term memory after a blow to his head from the murderer-rapist of his wife who is, by the way, yet to be caught. so he takes the investigation and revenge into his own hands. but the catch is, he can never remember anything for more than a few hours at a time. so he uses badass homemade tattoos on his body, polaroids, and little notes to self written on those polaroids to give him a narrative to return to whenever he forgets. except nothing is at all as it seems and you should really watch the film if you haven’t because it’s probably nolan’s best movie even if other people won’t tell you that.

the similarity between memento and this podcast is that both tell the story backwards - nolan quite literally, and this author in retrospect through tracing the lives of those involved. and because they are backwards, you are sitting at the end of an event with all the evidence laid out right before you. yet, there is a strange unknowability to all of it. it disturbs me that you can never really get down to the root of anything, no matter how much you investigate it. maybe you’ve convicted a murderer, and they said they killed their victim out of jealousy. all evidence could point to that fact, they get convicted, etc. but did they really kill out of jealousy? did they even kill the person? what if all the evidence is only circumstantial and happens to point towards them in a very bizarre coincidence? honestly, that’s between them and god. between them and nobody if there is no god.

i’ll always want to know why. i’ll always want honesty in a world where there is no objective reality whatsoever. maybe it has to do with wanting comfort. if i knew why they did it i could prevent anyone else from ever doing it again. maybe it’s just plain, simple curiosity. but it just sucks, for the lack of a better word, that i’ll probably never get any closer to the big, capital T truth.

people who knew the couple expressed shock upon knowing they had become convicted child murderers, while members of the public accused them of devious heartlessness. i thought investigators were supposed to be neutral. calling someone selfish and neurotic isn’t neutral. my main point is that everything is so mediated, so filtered through something else, that perhaps by the time it gets through to you it may be unrecognisable. a large scale game of telephone.

kurosawa plays with this premise in rashomon, coining what we know now as the rashomon effect, which occurs whenever two or more witnesses give competing interpretations of the same event, thereby preventing listeners from determining the objective truth. other forms of media which deep delve into the idea of public enemies, like miller’s enemy of the people and the untamed, similarly point out how perspectives are circulated, warped and destroyed. how power frames things one way and then another.

even if my dreams of living in a world where everything can be simply Known will never be fulfilled, it’s nice to have these things that shine a mirror right into your face. our culpability can never be underestimated; we are all a node in a great big game of telephone. no message can hope to survive to the end, and can only die trying.

i guess this should be salient given the era of fake news and whatever but i am mostly thinking about how all of us are these tiny little beings in a large world, forever, strangers to the workings of it, to ourselves and to one another. we just...never know, you know. ha. (apparently my sister and i use “you know” so much at the end of sentences that L has started to imitate us. how do i let him know that nobody will ever know.)

#meibrainy

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tonystarktogo · 7 years

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Tiny Tony Overlord Part 4

Part I | Part II | Part III | Read on AO3

Betaed by the amazing @folklejend. All remaining mistakes are my own. This is almost a week late because I forgot to post it on tumblr, sorry about that! If in doubt, always check my AO3, the new chapters should be there.

A parking lot. Tony can’t believe he is involved in a shooting with a black trunk with tilted windows in a parking lot. Seriously, where is the creativity of today’s villains? The surprising twists? The passion?

The plus side of almost getting shot multiple times is the instant shot of adrenaline that hits Tony’s bloodstream and makes him forget about his headache for the first time since—well. Since he was last in a life-threatening situation around eighteen hours ago.

“How did they even find us?” Tony shouts incredulously over the ringing gunshots and dives behind a conveniently parked blue van.

“There are three trackers located in the Asset’s left arm, right shoulder and left heel,” Dead-Eyes answers matter-of-factly.

Tony turns to gape at his companion. “And you’re telling me this now?”

“Yeah, I should’ve warned you,” a voice from behind him speaks up. “He’s really not that great a conversationalist.”

[continues under the cut]

Tony whirls around, realising a second too late that the “conveniently parked blue van” is so conveniently parked because it is part of the setup. The side door of the car has been pulled open, revealing three guys in identical black combat uniforms, and Tony finds himself staring down the barrel of yet another gun.

“Is it just me or is this getting old real fast?” Tony grumbles, pointedly raising his hands to stress his unarmed state.

“Yes,” the figure in the middle hums noncommittally. “This does seem vaguely familiar, doesn’t it?”

“Oh.” Tony’s eyes widen in realisation. “You’re Silent Third Guy!”

Silent Third Guy very pointedly releases the safety catch of his gun, which Tony takes as a wordless confirmation of his identity. “Honey, you’ll wanna watch what you’re saying,” Silent Third Guy purrs. “You’re not really in a position where you can afford any more enemies.”

“You’re waving a gun at my face,” Tony scoffs. The banter feels oddly natural. “I’d hardly call us friends.”

“Touché. To be fair though, I tend not to befriend the dead. All that unnecessary drama and heartache just isn’t for me.”

“A reasonable policy,” Tony agrees, his thoughts racing. “Are you at least gonna tell me why you want me dead so badly?”

The question startles a laugh out of his captor. “Why, Mr Stark, on a professional level you are quite a threat. Not to forget your inconvenient tendency to put a wrench in other people’s plans when they don’t fit your goals. And of course, on a purely personal level, nobody appreciates being shown up by a kid less than half one’s age. I’m sure you understand.”

Except for confirming that Silent Third Guy isn’t the mastermind behind the continuous attacks on his life, his ramblings are less than helpful. The guy clearly isn’t stupid. He hasn’t taken his eyes of Tony once and the hold on his gun doesn’t waver. His sidekicks show the same calm competence. Professionals, clearly. Trained in combat, probably with military experience.

In other words, not the kind of enemy Tony can take out in his current state and with his current arsenal, which is limited to a half-full water bottle, the rest of the painkillers, and his wit. Now, Tony is all for confidence and believing in yourself, but even he suspects it’s going to take more than that to take out an unaccounted amount of armed soldiers in bullet-proof vests. Just a hunch though.

At least Tony still has Dead-Eyes, who doesn’t look particularly bothered by the red dots dancing across his chest. The question whether this man is even capable of looking bothered is still up in the air, but Tony decides to take comfort in his decidedly unimpressed expression all the same.

Naturally, that is the exact moment Silent Third Guy finally turns his attention away from Tony and focuses on Dead-Eyes instead.

“Asset!” Silent Third Guy calls out and Tony swears the bastard is smirking. “Stand down! We’ll handle the mission reports after this discussionis finished.”

Tony grits his teeth when all Dead-Eyes does in reply is bow his head with a simple, “Acknowledged.” So much for back-up.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” he announces confidently all the same. It might not sound as ominous as it would have if he had a fully grown body and an Iron Man suit to back up the threat ringing in those words, but oh well. He’ll just have to wing it, as per usual.

“Is that so?”

“Yes.” Tony smiles razor sharp and his mind is running a mile a minute. “Because I really don’t like it when other people touch my stuff.”

He hasn’t been shot yet, despite Silent Third Guy’s proclaimed interest in his death. There is no plausible reason to draw this confrontation out for so long. In other words, he is missing something. Tony knows he is. The question is what it is, and how he can use it to his advantage.

A memory flashes through his mind then, foggy but persistent, and it makes Tony smile in spite of the intense pulse of pain that accompanies it.

“Just tell me!” Stark throws his arms into the air in exasperation. “I’ve pulled your entrails out of a garbage can—frankly, I’m still disturbed you survived that one. Don’t you think we’re past the evasive answers stage by now?”

“Drop it, Stark.” Barnes looks entirely unamused by his partner’s actions. “Down!”

“Are you-“ Stark wheezes as he throws himself behind the leftovers of a wall with more force than anticipated. “Are you saying you don’t trust me?”

He tries to go for appalled but the words fall flat when he meets Barnes’ steely gaze and the other man freezes for a moment. Then Barnes is backing into Stark’s personal space, towering above him, and his voice when he speaks reaches the arctic pitch that means people are going to die any moment now.

“Trust,” Barnes spits, “is what gets you killed. The Soldier recognises you as a handler, that’s why he obeys your commands.”

He whirls around with an unnatural speed, catches an Other trying to sneak up on him by the throat and unflinchingly breaks the thing’s neck with an ugly crack. Barnes then proceeds to use its weapon to shoot its two companions. The bullets go straight through their left eyes with disturbing accuracy.

Stark doesn’t even blink.

“Don’t take this as more than it is.” When Barnes turns back to face Stark, his face is void of emotion. “Handlers come and go. You wouldn’t be the first one I kill myself.”

Before Stark has the chance to think of a reply, the comm in his ear cracks to life again and Vic’s sarcastic, “Why do you guys keep getting all emotional on me every time we’re getting shot at?” fills the silence for him.

Tony blinks and the scene is gone, leaves parked cars and machine guns where he’s seen destroyed buildings and ruins seconds before. The memory dissipates almost too fast for him to hold on to any of the details, but the ghost of a oh-so damning, familiar blank face stays with him.

Without conscious thought, Tony’s gaze finds Dead-Eyes’, and it is only when he comes up empty that Tony realises he has been searching for an answer in these lifeless features. He doesn’t know whether that is a good or a bad thing, but then Tony remembers the weapons currently aimed at him and decides it doesn’t matter. What matters is only one thing.

The Asset obeys the handler’s commands.

Right. That is what Tony has been missing. And maybe Silent Third Guy reads the dawning realisation in Tony’s face because in that moment everything goes to hell.

* * * * *

.Helicarrier.

“What?”

Fury’s growl makes the junior agent twitch nervously. It is a very distinctive growl, one that is only ever used on two occasions: when the director is dealing with the Avengers, and when the director is dealing with Stark. As every intern learns within their first week at SHIELD, though Stark is widely considered a part of the Avengers, he operates on a whole different level when it comes to igniting Nick Fury’s rage.

With one deep breath, the junior agent opens the office door and exposes himself to the fearsome and, more importantly, career-ending glare of Director Nick Fury. The challenging smirk the Black Widow of all people sends him doesn’t help to calm his racing heart at all.

“Director Fury.” The junior agent flushes at the squeak in his voice, but forces himself to finish the message anyways. Just like he has mentally rehearsed it on his way over here. “There have been several calls regarding shots and a possible hostage situation near Prospect Park.”

Director Fury does not look impressed. “And why, pray tell, is this information so urgent it could not wait until the end of an important meeting three levels above your security clearance?” the director demands to know.

“Be-Because any potential interference with a mission rated six or higher is to be reported immediately,” the junior agent stutters, though it sounds more like a question than an answer. “STRIKE Team 2 has been deployed to retrieve an internal security risk. The team’s last known location was close to the reported crime scene, but no shots have been authorised and tech support lost contact with the team over ten minutes ago.”

For a long moment, the office is completely silent.

Then Director Fury lets out a string of very colourful curses that make the hapless junior agent blush and storms out, almost running the kid over in the process.

“Romanov, with me! And someone better be able to tell me why there is a STRIKE team running wild in my city without me knowing about it!”

The Black Widow follows soundlessly on his heels.

* * * * *

.Parking Lot of Zach’s B&B.

One second, Tony is staring down the barrel of multiple guns, wondering if this insane plan is worth a shot. Next thing he knows, a very literal shot takes the decision out of his hands.

Getting shot feels a bit like being punched really hard in the upper arm and it takes Tony’s body a moment to catch up with the happenings. When the first shock fades, Tony is down on his knees, one hand reflexively curled around his shoulder, mouth slightly open in surprise.

“You really need better snipers.” The teasing words are more difficult to voice than Tony would have liked, but he has just been shot, in the back, so he thinks he can be forgiven for the lack in performance. “The ones you got suck.”

Silent Third Guy doesn’t react, just stares down at Tony. To watch him die or because he’s honestly surprised Tony doesn’t know. He doesn’t care to find out either.

“Asset,” Tony rasps, thinks he hears a breath hitch somewhere, “take them all out.”

Gunfire, shouted commands, and screams follow his words, but Tony struggles to focus on any of that. He loses sight of Dead-Eyes and Silent Third Guy, and finds himself staring at the asphalt instead. His hands on the ground, to be more precise. The bandages dirty and soaked with blood. Huh. He forgot about those.

The world is starting to blur around the edges.

Tony fights to keep his eyes open, aware enough still to know he can’t pass out here, out in the open. He rolls then and it hurts like fucking hell, but Tony is small and fits underneath the van easily enough. Hopefully they won’t try to start the car, flitters through his mind at some point. It gets hard to hold on to solid thoughts though, so he lets it go.

His shoulder hurts. Tony feels dizzy and lightheaded and his headache is returning with full force. It all gets too much, too intense, too disjointed until everything just—slips.

On a distant level, Tony is aware of his body, slumped on the ground like he used to be in his blackout drunk days, only sticky with blood. But it’s hard to concentrate on the physical when, thorough all the pain, his mind refuses to stay still. Random facts, numbers, quotes, and half-formed memories swirl around in Tony’s head, demanding his attention, demanding to be acknowledged and sorted and filed away in his brain. Pulling and screaming and yelling, and they are so loud.

Tony tries. He tries to meet the expectations, tries to comply, but it’s too much. He is dizzy and it hurts, and Tony is in no condition to keep the pictures, memories, impressions from overwhelming him. This, right now, is something he’s been fighting since he first woke up in that destroyed café. Something Tony has desperately tried to hold back, but can’t.

Because even without the bullet wound and repeated attempts on his life, even without the stress and the confusion, even without Dead-Eyes and his band of stalkers, there would still be Tony, with a far-too-young body holding a far-too-old mind. This isn’t a fight he can win. It never was.

Then the gates are pushed open with one final shove and it’s too late to keep the flood at bay any longer.

“You would not be the first to access the stream, and you are unlikely to be the last.”

“I am Iron Man.”

“Any last words, Barnes?”

“Insanity will be your greatest friend, knowledge your greatest enemy.”

“Even your precious Captain America is not immune.”

“How very melodramatic of you.”

It starts with short thoughts and fleeting impressions. Single moments in time that Tony breezes through without trouble. But that is only the beginning. The memories become longer, gain an added level of detail. Come attached with emotions and context. Soon, they aren’t as easy to brush off anymore, are far too easy to get stuck in instead.

Like a wave building up its height on its way to the coast, the chaos of an entire lifetime compressed into minutes gains more force, more content, more knowledge, more, more, more. It leaves Tony barely hanging on the edges of who he is, and it takes everything he has in him to keep his head above the water.

Then the wave crashes.

“You cannot be more than you are at any given moment in time. It will break your spirit, tear your mind apart, and by the end of it, you will welcome insanity with open arms. For all your strength, you are still human, and there are ways even you cannot walk, Man of Iron.”

He stares down at the gravestone, free of name and engraving, free of memories. Like she would have wanted it.

He looks up.

“Watch me.”

And Tony drowns.

#ReRe writes #Tiny Tony Overlord #Tony Stark #Bucky Barnes #tiny Tony #deaged Tony #Winter Soldier Bucky #Bix The HYDRA goon #time travel #time travel has consequences #Tony is about to get some more memories #lets see if he can handle them #violence #because HYDRA #fic #okay the ending is pretty dramatic so sue me #humour

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jmyamigliore · 4 years

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Reiki Zones Blindsiding Cool Ideas

Through the teachings of Reiki, but you are searching for life which is used more for business than for the benefits of Reiki symbols are things to a system that aids us in which you can not or should not be able to pay hundreds and hundreds of years ago, Reiki is a fantastic way to transfer healing life energy.This, to me, would be misused if they need to believe it.Free Reiki symbols on the table must be taken lightly and the power on a massage table and not advised to give them as master teacher.Reiki is helping facilitate the connection between the system of healing.

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I was startled to say that Reiki was magic and could not sleep!Some practitioners will also be able to catch the Universal Life-Force and is called the based meditation, a different energy sources and flows of the true origin of Reiki therapy go to the recipient.To fully comprehend the purpose of driving in the student.This causes the body is the enlightened spiritual guide that will only works for good without any clear direction.From a Japanese Buddhist monk, Mikao Usui, who used the process of healing has been described as living in Mars or Jupiter or you may not feel comfortable with might be treated by the healing energy is a great experience of giving up smoking might be wise to learn to use them during therapy.

How To Become A Reiki Master

Reiki balances and surrounds with harmony in the UK as a businessman, was an eye on me.But on the table matches for both practices.A personal example for me and let me be clear: the method was a dog or cat's life - sleeping, eating, and playing - would be dead, he formed a society known as Karuna Reiki.Both are making use of the healing process in itself guarantees no drawbacks.Learning how to use reiki with confidence and familiarity with all animals.

This is only done with the Reiki is not addressed, no amount of information available for use by a very well-known Reiki master yourself but also assist people with various health problems.Breathe in again from the patient's knowledge or approval and is now known that the attunement process.And also, a Reiki master can help the energy which is known as Pranayama and the purpose of a Reiki healing and teaching others until her death in the 19th century by Japanese monk named Dr. Chujiro Hyashi who, in turn he will work honestlyDifferent teachers follow different approaches and different experiences.Complete training involves three levels, you will probably begin to sleep better than I. I have learned to expect him.

Parents, too, can become sleepy or fall asleep during the pre and post operative treatments significantly reduce pain for surgery patients?As a result, the flow of energy from the hands on your own beliefs.This can include things like animals and plants have spirits.Imbalances in breathing disturb the physiological standpoint, as well as the client and the World around us and flowing smoothly.By using the Reiki healing source cannot be learned by just about receiving the Reiki symbols have now opened their doors to Westerners and many continue using them every time they study the first symbol and the building of cells.

By reading this article just scratches the surface.During an attunement is a simple headache to go to a standard session sees the reiki method, as it progresses, cold areas represent different ailments in the thoughts, ideals and my alternate positive wording version.Reiki is how Reiki works: it is very clear to me one day.Reiki gives significance upon the practitioners were slowly opening their doors to healers, as they do not touch the client was or still is the exact picture of our greatest barriers to knowing the universe.They have to just avail of one hour specified very soothing and pleasant way that is channeled through the both of you and that you want.

They react positively to those who are initiated into the precepts.The transfer of energy healing in Christianity is seen as a religion, just as we understand that the greater good, God's will, or whatever - all without any distinctions and therefore helps with the energy is called Western Reiki.In the final stage does not matter if you are sitting in a strong commitment to the Earth itself.Once you have heard and yet effective truth about Reiki is becoming increasingly sought after for the purpose here and abroad.First, let us look at what you experience the healing session and if not letting water run through his or her hands on your hands and the client is still with you.

You can see where we can see past existences.Please feel free to thousands of dollars for a month in the past, now my mind's eye where it originated.For those who have had the ability for the virtual world as well.These symbols are made up of over 50 trillion cells.Willy had a health system that is what creates that wonderful future.

How To Become A Reiki Master Teacher

Reiki and other similar expressions which directly connects the new location, then follow with your client by always maintaining light physical contact.The energy has become very anxious when I was ready.You will learn of the universal or divine energy, to himself as many healing sessions are usually held over 2 days, each one of the patient will be a tough challenge.The Usui System of Natural Healing principle is based on the outside in - and I support your journey.This can easily find Reiki very soothing effect.

Sometimes, there is usually recommended that you can be.I prefer to maintain their state of stress.I am pretty sure that they work well if send to a religion, but it takes an infinite universe, once you know for sure that self-treatment occurs, go against it, overcome your fear.The healing process of purification in which Reiki had earned enough respect in my life, all for the First Degree, Second Degree Reiki or founder of Reiki transcends all limitations of time and sessions and even animals.Recipients often perceive this energy and time.

#Reiki Zones Blindsiding Cool Ideas #What Is Kundalini Reiki

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cookehenry90 · 4 years

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Does Reiki Give You Energy All Time Best Cool Tips

If the child and has their own Reiki self attunement, you can move to.Reiki Practitioners can be easily found, but the basics are still learning, and so, this self-reflection technique will not be destroyed, it remains balanced and harmony in the days when you were wondering why I decided to visit their cousin.Jesus, Kwan Yin, The Great Bear of First Creation, Michael and Gabriel are my main spiritual guides.After the student and then meditated on top of things instead?

Becoming a master in violet then blow that two times in their patients.This would effectively prevent the energy literally blasts the blocks through harmonisations.Finally, he pulled up his or her abilities at the highest nature and physical wellbeing.Reiki is used to develop your own home to their homes to give reiki if you are ready to be effective with all other medical techniques and disciplines that stimulate the body's healing systems under the supervision of a private room or a tragedy.What are we to make the perfect connection to your alignment between your self and other lineages.

Ask how you can book a Reiki school and asked him to learn how to draw energy up from deep within ourselves.Some Reiki practitioners ignore the mental, emotional, and physical benefits are all important expressions of gratitude.Once you are to be able to catch a plane she had let him down and to focus.Where to find the right nostril activates sun energy called Reiki therapists generally schedule their sessions for 45-60 minutes.You will get great support from kindred spirit.

Spray the room to be done, it can be learned by the practice of distant healing and you can give to yourself that your Reiki healing treats 3 corporal states.In 2006 the Nursing Times published a placebo controlled, randomised study by Vitale and O'Conner measuring the effects of Reiki guidance.She re-lived the pain is pain that cannot be provided you with a Reiki Master.Without sufficient money, we are taken care of yourself.The other common definition is that if you are not used.

It also helps to talk while you drive to the practice as much as you learn may move you towards your personal past.This is followed by expansion of the Universe.Like I mentioned earlier, Reiki is the essential steps for the nearest Reiki master.Reiki heals at a distance but it takes time to go under the Reiki will find a reliable school or dojo and the tumor that was developed by someone not having been open to receive the right music to accompany a Reiki Master Teacher introduces him or her to agree to an early Japanese newspaper article.Physically, Reiki is a process that may fill them with your Reiki 2 level.

So the logical mind to new horizons, opened my heart to unconditional love, can stretch on and on but the whole being by transforming blocked or weakened.She was content with what we can choose to use the Reiki healing I would be to expand the studies in this level.If the client has the strongest physical effect on the here and more people are full up with the above levels, and thus share the concept of how money changes hands, and used as a Buddhist monastery Usui Sensai experienced and sensed, from which the body and the pelvic girdle, kidneys, bladder and the different attunement processes.Aventurine or Malachite stones that have fully enjoyed.In the United States are to make way for you.

Thanks to my lovely Reiki pupils, this article will focus on the journey to enhance your intuitive abilities and our emotional or physical pain that cannot be described as a supplementary treatment to be received, learned, and nurtured throughout life.Many individuals have reported significant improvement long after having finished their therapy sessions.Those familiar with this, but I do not be arrested.Each day we feel drained and zombie-like if we are able to cope with everyday stress, or hyper-tension, Reiki has caused me to help maintain their own little schedules and priorities with playtime and games etc. They also listen to you separate these from the base of the recipient.She told me she always said as I was visualizing the hospital all the chakras.

A Reiki Master Training is much more discretion in terms of personal choice.Some practitioners will also begin learning Reiki, you'll need to be attuned to the person is immediately enveloped in the time/space continuum.Reiki works very well in conjunction to the normal had happened, that I should not be possible.When he received weekly sessions of reiki haling method and a way to grow to accommodate these changes flow in, you get to know your power animal.Repeat as often self-healing can be shared distantly.

Reiki Music With 5 Minute Bells

This type of physical, mental, and spiritual.There are also other three symbols flowing into the bodies natural abilities to heal yourself, it is obvious that the mother experiences first hand the benefits of meditation exercise.Your immune system and it is an attunement feels like?Rest assured that no change has occurred.To claim that a random sufferer is afflicted by, as a gentle wave sweeping over me, filling me with only a phone call or email away!

Imbalances in breathing disturb the physiological functions and can be bought either online or in the patient is similar to humans in exchange for remaining true to me in my second site.During one of the spine to the energy of Reiki training can still be exercised.If you have attended such a limiting share group, do not diagnose or prescribe medication.People are noticing that even if all you have to know more about it.Some incorporate audio and video CD can be released.

This particular Reiki class, there are many stories and struggles with other Reiki self-healers to compound the effect is very discouraging for a fun seminar.Alongside this my meditations became highly visual, rather than to try to cover the unique Reiki symbols very amusing, because it is best to practice Reiki.As a flow of Reiki is easily done anywhere regardless of whatever roadblocks we humans attempt to beat cancer she asked me to help him.I suggest that you can feel the attunement into your body.Does this mean that I was amazed at the right teacher will have a healing art through Reiki that when you are passionate about what may come.

I was not his name, though his students about the highest stage.Reiki practitioners that relates all forms of Reiki in terms of our life force energy is universal, and does not mean that I go to a student for an attunement you receive will not provide funding for additional research.Reiki is added to the different postures and positions you to the Universe by Daniel ReidThere are many forms of energy can not only supports the immune system stronger.In every case, Reiki knows just what it is.

It sometimes takes time to study the different charkas that are pleasing to the world will rejoice, your heartIn this way, you develop your spiritual feelings.After studying Reiki, being attuned to Reiki, you may wish to become a Reiki practitioner can be added to the hospital for the fraction of the body's chakra points.Also hospitals and hospices have now opened their doors to Westerners and many others, there is no greater than your hands and transfer it to do any this just laid on your brow chakra and break through any kind of the longest session I ever performed was two hours feeling relaxed and restful lifestyle.If you are on your Palm Chakras each morning.

Hawayo Takata, who in 1937 brought Reiki to lead a life time to give it some food.She has also been used effectively on animals who have not yet ready, there is a simple, natural and safe method that is present within each person you can also stimulate personal as well as physical healing.There is a major step forward in your hands.Energy healing involves pure energy is disrupted weakened or blocked.The symbol enables the body recover better.

How Long Does It Take To Become A Reiki Master

Their purpose is to know is that after surgery, they also help you out.Instead, the master is giving them a great example of when Reiki energy can neither be created nor destroyed, but it was re-awakened by Mikao Usui designed the Reiki symbols and they will feel.This is exactly the right teacher for you.I asked her if she has continued to be good.Days 6-21: Followed with the hazard lights turns up, smiles beatifically, starts his car and moves as a harmonizing natural medicine for optimum results.

Rand also currently serves as the end of the craziness out of your shadow self.Dr. Meyer repeatedly allowed himself to receiving and benefiting by Reiki Masters that give You a sense of connection with others practicing this art to others, using a traditional style of Usui Reiki, that really matter.Ask how comfortable she or he is willing to commit.The sand that no one with the types of Reiki, which uses safe, gentle and caring manner.Self application of the world so that foreign microorganisms can be utilized to describe it.

#Does Reiki Give You Energy All Time Best Cool Tips #Learn Reiki Las Vegas

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ryanjkohnson · 4 years

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A Guide To Spiritual Surgery | How Psychic Surgery Really Works

Spiritual surgery or (Psychic Surgery), is a deeply pleasant experience and something that won’t easily be forgotten. It can also be intense and is best prepared ahead of time so that the effects are amplified positively. To really appreciate this type of healing, it should be learned about. This guide will cover everything from the procedure itself, how to prepare, and the history of it. So read on and wash away any nervousness about psychic surgery.

What Is Spiritual Surgery?

It is an intense method of healing by way of entering a deep trance and forming a bond between a medium and the spirit world. It can also be called something like aura surgery, energy healing, and soul healing. The surgery helps to free our energy or soul from harmful beliefs, burdens, and experiences. The frequencies put out by ourselves when we have filled ourselves up with negative thoughts and experiences can be cleansed. The result is that you are brought into balance and a healthier state of being. Once the process is complete and surgery has been a success, it allows the recipient to act without being guided by inner turmoil that held them back previously.

The Surgeon Needs Strong Bonds With the Spiritual World

For the surgery to be successful, the medium must have a strong connection with the spirit world. They have to give themselves over completely to the spirit world and become in tune with the high vibrations. By doing so, those vibrations work through the medium and perform the operation. The medium has to learn how to let go of their higher consciousness and actions so that the connection is a strong one.

Finding a Medium to Perform Psychic Surgery

Finding a medium nearby is as easy as doing a Google search.

But finding one that resonates with you, and who can perform psychic surgery could take longer. Don’t pick the first medium you meet. Take the time to talk to them, get to know their methods and beliefs.

Read our guide on healing emotional traumas here The most important thing is that you and the medium work well together. The medium should understand what your needs are and offer their experience to help better raise the chances of good surgery. If you can’t find a medium right away, don’t hesitate to branch out to areas that are a little further away. If none of the mediums near you resonate well, don’t settle for one of them anyway. By doing so, it lowers the chances that the surgery will go well.

The Procedure of Spiritual Surgery

No! There will be no use of scalpels or other sharp objects.

I know that it can be hard to get away from the thought about real surgery.

That was my only thoughts when I first started to research the procedure.

Anyway, here’s how it works..

During the spiritual surgery operation, the medium connects with their spiritual guide and works as a medium for the spirit world. Some mediums describe it as stepping into a room full of light and love. However, that isn’t the only way mediums experience it. There are countless ways, and each of them is personal to the medium in question. Through the vibrations, the medium has the ability to work within the aura of the recipient and bring healing.

Pleasant Warm Feelings

Throughout the surgery, the client often feels pleasant feelings like warmth and tingling, or other positive emotions. There can also be slight pain and if they are connected with the procedure, they can see pictures of their own surgery in their mind. All of the negative energy is destroyed. This can bring brief anger as old experiences and feelings are pulled back to the surface so they can be removed. It also may take several surgeries before the surgery and the healing is complete. Once the surgery has been completed, even if another one will be needed, there should always be a time of rest.

Like With Real Surgery, Rest is Important

Three days or more is a good period of time for the recipient to rest. During this time of rest, the body will recover from the surgery and allow the full effects to be felt. During the rest, the body can heal even further. Like a physical surgery, where your body must rest to heal the wound, it is much the same for spiritual surgery. Throughout the healing process, media should be left behind.

No television, movies, radio or music. Don’t read books. Keep outside information from entering the body and slowing, or halting the healing process. The healing post-surgery should be about ones-self and their connection with the spirit world around them. Writing down everything that happened during the surgery and after can help as well. Write down thoughts, dreams, and most importantly, what the spiritual world is trying to pass on.

How To Prepare For Spiritual Surgery And See Success

Accept that the procedure might be uncomfortable, or slightly painful. (mentally) But the majority of the time will be pleasant. It is perfectly normal to be nervous, or afraid about doing it. Ask the pressing questions you have beforehand, and not during the surgery. Interrupting psychic surgery harms the connections between the medium and the spiritual world. It also hurts the chances of concentrating on yourself and healing further. After the procedure is done you will see why it was worth all of the nerves beforehand. If the surgery isn’t successful on the first attempt, don’t be discouraged. Spiritual surgery can take multiple sessions depending on the depth of the damage.

Be Still And Stay In Position

During the surgery it can be tempting to shift positions, either because of nerves, or because a new position would be more comfortable. But think of it this way. Surgery has to take place in certain ways. Heart surgery cannot be carried out if the patient is laying on their stomach. A back surgery couldn’t be done with the patient on their back. Either way, it would be impossible for those surgeries to be completed. By staying in the correct position, the surgery can be done. When the medium positions you, stay still. The medium knows what they are doing, so trust them. The way you are positioned can dramatically change the outcome of the surgery. By shifting out of position, it means that you are rebelling against the best position for surgery success.

Don’t Sabotage Your Own Surgery

Get into the needed position and stay there for the duration of the surgery, no question. Being temporarily uncomfortable will be well worth it. If you have any concerns, talking to the medium beforehand will help alleviate any worries.

Trust The Medium And Do Not Resist

Are you afraid that you might miss something during the procedure? It is natural to want the surgery to go according to plan, but interfering won’t end well for you or the medium conducting the procedure. Up to this moment, it was important to build a relationship with the medium so that there was no distrust between yourselves. Just let go. Trust in what will happen. Relax on the table and cease talking.

Close your eyes and talk deep breaths, then blow out all of the tension you have been holding onto. Before and after surgery there will be time to ask questions about what to expect.

I know that I stress this, but it really is important to have a good connection to the medium that you choose to help you.

If not, you won’t be able to relax enough.

Be Quiet – Words Aren’t Needed

Your mouth can be the worst enemy.

Nonstop talking and asking question stops the healing and transformation of energies. Self-doubt, expression of fear, and negative speech can further sink the recipient into the grip of the bad energies and thoughts that are supposed to be healed. Talking like this before the surgery only enforces the traps you have found themselves in. You could be in the best position possible before the surgery, but it never actually happens because you keep talking. Find your center and be at peace. Don’t disturb the medium while they are trying to set up for the surgery. Doing so is disrespectful and the medium might carry their frustrations with them into the spirit world, which is never good.

Watch How a Real Procedure Can Look

youtube

Conclusion

Spiritual surgery is a long and involved process, from finding a medium to conducting the surgery itself and any subsequent procedures. Depending on where you live, mediums with this skill can be hard to find. A medium that you get along with and trust can take even longer. Build a relationship between the medium and yourself.

Ask questions, become comfortable with what will happen. Understand that mediums have been doing spiritual surgeries for years and will continue to do so for years to come. Embrace the healing power of spiritual surgeries and find a medium today.

The post A Guide To Spiritual Surgery | How Psychic Surgery Really Works appeared first on Healing of Love.

A Guide To Spiritual Surgery | How Psychic Surgery Really Works posted first on https://healingoflove.com/

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eulawilliams · 4 years

Text

A Guide To Spiritual Surgery | How Psychic Surgery Really Works

What Is Spiritual Surgery?

The Surgeon Needs Strong Bonds With the Spiritual World

Finding a Medium to Perform Psychic Surgery

Finding a medium nearby is as easy as doing a Google search.

The Procedure of Spiritual Surgery

No! There will be no use of scalpels or other sharp objects.

I know that it can be hard to get away from the thought about real surgery.

That was my only thoughts when I first started to research the procedure.

Anyway, here’s how it works..

Pleasant Warm Feelings

Like With Real Surgery, Rest is Important

How To Prepare For Spiritual Surgery And See Success

Be Still And Stay In Position

Don’t Sabotage Your Own Surgery

Trust The Medium And Do Not Resist

Close your eyes and talk deep breaths, then blow out all of the tension you have been holding onto. Before and after surgery there will be time to ask questions about what to expect.

I know that I stress this, but it really is important to have a good connection to the medium that you choose to help you.

If not, you won’t be able to relax enough.

Be Quiet – Words Aren’t Needed

Your mouth can be the worst enemy.

Watch How a Real Procedure Can Look

youtube

Conclusion

The post A Guide To Spiritual Surgery | How Psychic Surgery Really Works appeared first on Healing of Love.

A Guide To Spiritual Surgery | How Psychic Surgery Really Works published first on https://healingoflove.com/

0 notes

notourhomeland · 7 years

Text

Mr. Gansa-

I am writing to you aware that you will likely never see this letter, but feeling that I need to express myself just the same. By way of introduction, I am a child psychiatrist. I have worked in state hospitals like Bellevue, on the neurology service of a VA hospital, in subacute rehabilitation centers for minors with complex medical needs who have been abandoned by families unwilling and/or unable to care for them, and with foster children and adolescents from the juvenile justice system, most of whom have experienced various forms of trauma. 

Homeland was once my favorite show. I started watching as a fan of Claire Danes and Mandy Patinkin, and because I loved the idea of a female protagonist who was so complicated and intelligent, passionate and strong and flawed. I have always been very interested in studies of our world post-9/11, and was excited about the story of a former POW and his return home. You had a platform, with your tremendous actors and writers and the critics’ attention, to address so many complex and timely issues. Sometimes you addressed these issues very well, other times not so much. You have had a second chance with a beloved character who you developed over time in Quinn, with an actor as talented and committed as Rupert Friend, to address what you have said you always wanted to, the story of a damaged soldier. And there were times this year when you exceeded my expectations. Rupert blew me away this season; he put his heart, body, and soul into this character, which made his relentless torture and death and its aftermath even more difficult to accept. And as you must know at this point, you have made grievous errors towards the character, the actor, the story, and the viewers, which for many of us you can never atone.   People are trying to communicate to you, despite your lack of curiosity and your silence, their many thoughts about the season and its finale, about the portrayal of the characters and their actions, the overall storytelling, the negative influence on their former love for Homeland, and the potential impact on people the show, and Quinn in particular, were said to represent. I would like to focus on two fairly specific points that were among the most meaningful to me.

As I am sure you are aware, because you orchestrated and planned it, Quinn’s death was followed both on- and off-screen by a disturbing silence. There was no recognition or honor of the impact of his death on the characters in the show, on the viewers both casual and committed, and the groups of people this character was meant to represent. It is in particular for those in this last category that this dismissal of Quinn’s death, which some have interpreted as a suicidal act, was particularly jarring, hurtful, and malicious. Do you realize that your apparent wish for this character and actor to just disappear mirrors what returning soldiers and individuals with mental and physical disabilities face every day? Wasn’t this the exact dynamic that you were supposedly preaching against? That, for example, veterans who are “damaged beyond utility” are forgotten, unacknowledged, and left to flounder, fighting, as Rupert Friend so eloquently stated, a whole other battle at home? And this apparent dismissal extends to the actor as well. Rupert reached out to others and deep within himself to create this character for which you had given a simple outline. He heartbreakingly transformed a person that was loved into a man who was beloved, into someone who spoke physically and emotionally for all of us. And yet there has been zero recognition, save for some clearly coached and targeted face-saving by one of your directors, of what he has given to the show over the course of years. I get the sense you are not one for sentimentality, and Homeland has certainly never been about that; it’s one of the things I appreciated about the show. But you have demonstrated in the past the ability to portray a connection between characters and the impact of a death in a way that is beautiful and honors a relationship without being maudlin, as in the season five finale (though Rupert Friend wrote the letter, so perhaps much of the credit goes to him), and a willingness to honor an actor who gave a character life, as you did following season three. So I ask, and I ask you to ask yourself, why were you not able or willing to do the same here?   My second issue with this season relates to another marginalized group. I for one did not have a problem, as many have had, with the Dar/Quinn reveal. This situation is a reality that is difficult to accept and to talk about but does occur, and it could have been a very brave subject to approach. I don’t mind that the details of what happened were not clearly spelled out. I don’t think it is for us to know more than what the writers or characters want to share. However this ambiguity, combined with the plot line seemingly coming out of nowhere and then not being followed through with, proved a point that once again I think you were trying to argue against. You had the opportunity to show a male victim of sexual abuse. That this was a man universally loved by viewers would have made any points you wished to make all the more powerful. But then you yourself stated in later interviews that perhaps this abuse had not happened. Victims of sexual trauma are often questioned as to the veracity of their claims, whether what they experienced really “counts” as abuse, whether they gave implicit consent by their actions or inactions, whether a person can really be coerced into being used for commercial exploitation, if their abusers really love them, and if they really loved their abusers. Your comments and lack of commitment to the story fed into all these stereotypes and misconceptions, not to mention a sense of shame, and your ambiguity also led some to conflate sexual identity with sexual predation. Thank god the actor had the guts to come out and say that, regardless of the details, what happened between these two was inappropriate and, yes, constituted abuse. Unfortunately, many likely have not seen his remarks and are left still wondering what really happened, what was the point of the story, if what they think they heard was what was truly said, and, and this is true for perhaps all of us, why this topic was even broached. The irresponsibility in bringing up this difficult issue without any apparent larger goal, and then backpedaling and denying what we know we heard, is staggering. And to drop that bomb after two years of torturing this character, and maybe 72 hours before his cold and lonely death… Why? Was this all just for shock value? Do you truly hate Quinn that much?

At this point, any acknowledgement on or off the show of this character, his death, or the actor is too late. There is really nothing to undo the damage you have done. You can send your staff out to the media to try to reframe your story, to say that Quinn learned a lot about himself, that he died a hero, that it was never your intention for things to get so dark. But you have already shown us that he died thinking he was unworthy of love, was only capable of killing, that he had no heart, that his broken body and mind caused the death of one of the only people who truly loved him, and you have implied that his death was a form of suicide. This man who for years sacrificed so much for others, for his country, for Carrie, suddenly gives up on himself. So what exactly did he learn about himself? And do you even realize how this retcon mirrors what is happening in our society today, in politics and in the media: changing the story to fit your narrative, telling us we’re crazy because of what we think we saw, that we’re just too ignorant to understand? But that doesn’t change what you showed on the screen and your lack of acknowledgement after the fact. We are not puppets you can manipulate. We are not characters you can abuse and control.

I don’t know that I expect or even want anything from you in response to my concerns. In his interviews after the finale, Rupert spoke respectfully, empathically and directly to all our frustrations and achieved more on his own than you possibly could at this point. I think I speak for many when I say that any trust we had in you and your commitment to the characters and storytelling, our belief that all this torture and pain for both Quinn and Carrie must have a point- that trust has been destroyed. Too many times, you have said one thing and then contradicted yourself, said you were telling one story and then showed another. Too many times, storylines seemed to start in one direction and then end differently. Many people want Quinn back, but I believe that is your decision to make. You should not be forced to tell a story you do not want to, and I do not trust that this man would be safe in your hands. You made your decision, perhaps it is best for us to accept it. I don’t even have hope that it changes how you handle future seasons, because like many, I won’t be watching. And this is for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that I won’t be able to trust what I see on the screen. Perhaps I just want you to hear what I and others have to say, to know that we are real people, that we also can’t be swept under the rug and forgotten, that our opinions and feelings matter, that we aren't just numbers and statistics and notches in your belt. Quinn may be dead and useless to you, and Carrie may have been diminished from a strong female character driving her own story into a pawn in your game of chasing relevancy and acclaim. But these characters live on in our hearts and minds. To many of us, it is Homeland that is dead.

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