#so of course the first thing they did was get someone to burn the soundtrack onto a dvd

[crystallizabethine]

My girlfriend loves me so much...

I'm totally not going to bury this in the backyard and light the very ground on fire...

@pastthebutterflies

[kimbapisnotsushi]

Your headcanons are always wonderful and accurate, can I please request some for shiratorizawa if you want?

oh my god hell yeah anon let's go

tendou's studying playlist is just all chill lofi remixes of pokemon soundtracks. he also loooooves those nanoblock pokemon figures you build yourself and wants to collect the entire eevee evolution line for his desk

(i have a galarian ponyta btw and i am totally accepting name suggestions for it)

the one way to piss off semi real fast is to say "and now, wonderwall!" whenever he walks into the room with his guitar

also may i introduce you to this wonderful thing called semiten

i kind of get the feeling they don't get along as first-years? first-year tendou is bffs with ushijima which means he's finally settled into being needlessly obnoxious bc ushijima is unflappable and takes tendou's bullshit with the utmost sincerity and first-year semi is hungry and aching and determined to prove himself

it is a terrible terrible combo at first

but, slowly, they settle into each other much like how dust settles into the cracks and crevices of a house long loved

and then second year happens and shirabu comes and everything falls apart again LMAAAAAAAAAOOOO

y'all know i love shirabu but like. goddamn if second-year semi wasn't full of angst and awkwardness about growing up and puberty and being cast to the side and all tendou wanted to do was reach out and grab him by the shoulders and yell in his face "YOU'RE GOOD ENOUGH YOU IDIOT I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU YOU'RE ENOUGH"

anyways

yamagata wanted to get his ears pierced but he's also afraid of needles so reon had to hold his hand through it the entire time

tendou somehow has access to the dorm rooftop because of course he does and he makes the team have picnics up there for bonding time

goshiki: "shirabu-san, would you still set for me if i was a worm?" shirabu: "what makes you think i'd set for you now?"

during a joint practice match with karasuno narita praises goshiki and goshiki starts tearing up

karasuno first-year crew is genuinely so blessed to have the upperclassmen they do. like guys come on think about it they are SO spoiled with it like holy hell i feel terrible for the other miyagi first years

(that deserves its own separate post tho)

someone starts the rumor that tendou is an esper and he does absolutely nothing to deny this, but he DOES do everything to confirm it. one of his classmates will be like "haha yeah i lost my textbook i guess i'll have to get a new one" and tendou will be like "ooh you should try looking inside the music room piano after five pm ;)" and the classmate is like "wtf" bc they've never been to the music room in their life but they go do it anyways and it's THERE

(tendou may or may not have paid goshiki to swipe the textbook and plant it)

KAWANISHI my beloved i haven't forgotten him

yeah yeah kozume kenma is a master gamer BUT kawanishi taichi is on the 3713th level of candy crush which is also, coincidentally, the level that i am on right now

also i think kawanishi is def one of those ppl who has earbuds tucked in at all times bc a) he thinks it makes him look cool and b) it keeps people from talking to him

and if they do try talking to him he just whips out his phone and makes a big show of blasting the volume to the point where the other person can hear it coming from his earbuds

also you know how tendou told semi that he looks uncool in casual clothes??? that's definitely a cover-up for tendou thinking semi looks really good in them

tendou, lying face-down in his pillow on the dorm floor: " - and did you see the ripped jeans??? ripped jeans are SO stupid they shouldn't even look that good he should have been freezing his ass off but noooooo he looked like he stepped out of a goddamn MAGAZINE - " reon, texting yamagata at the same time: "you need to raid semi's closet and burn his clothes i can't do this anymore"

[visceravalentines]

Ambrose Ghosts

It's finally cooling off outside and the pumpkins have emerged. So I think it's time to post a ghost story. A description of a haunted house and the three phantoms who wander the halls. No CWs, just angst.

The Sinclair brothers had always known they lived in a haunted house. 

It was old, of course; it had been built long before a young couple named Trudy and Victor had purchased the property.  And it came with a local legend, like all houses on hills do.  There had been a man and a maid, an affair, a gun.  Each of the brothers knew the story even if they couldn’t remember where they’d heard it first. 

The pipes were old and they clanked.  The rafters were warped and they snapped loudly at night.  There was a door upstairs that hung open, always, no matter how securely you knew you had closed it.  Sometimes the creaking of the walls sounded like footsteps on the floorboards.  Sometimes one of the kitchen windows fogged over even when all the rest were crystal clear. 

When Lester was small, he had nightmares about a woman in the closet.  He would wake up sweating and tearful, peering into the darkness, and knock on the wall between his room and the twins’ like a tiny lost specter until one of them came to get him. 

They would tuck him in beside them, reassure him there was no such thing as ghosts, and lie awake in the dark long after he fell asleep.  Neither of them told him they’d seen her too.  Bo never told him he’d woken up to a cool, maternal hand on his forehead only to find no one at his bedside.  Vincent never showed him the drawings. 

The boys grew up, stopped sharing beds, kept having nightmares.  They outgrew their clothes, their fears, their parents.  As Bo rolled up the rug stained with his father’s blood and saw it had seeped through into the floorboards, part of him couldn’t help but think they had added two more restless souls to the cracks in the walls. 

It wouldn’t be long before they were racking up hauntings in the rest of the town as well. 

Ambrose was a ghost town, there was no doubt about that.  There was a cold spot in the grocery store, all year round.  The curtain in front of Mrs. Whipple moved at the whim of her animatronic hand.  The curtain to her left moved at random.  Sometimes the projector in the movie theatre started the reel over of its own accord.  And there was a room in the Stanford house…none of the brothers went in there. 

Sometimes, below the recorded soundtrack of mourners in the church, Bo could’ve sworn he heard someone say his name.  He never mentioned it to his brothers; never thought much of it, truth be told.  If he had, he would’ve been surprised to find they’d heard it too, only it was their own names instead of his. 

None of them ever much minded it.  A ghost was a ghost, after all.  Ghosts didn’t have guns or knives, rough hands or loud voices.  Ghosts couldn’t report you to the authorities.  All a ghost could do was watch, and wish, and wonder. 

Besides, they all knew what really haunted them.  None of them dared to speak of it.  The thing about ghosts is that they can hear you, and they remember their names.  Maybe, if they let it be, it would let them be in turn. 

But Bo never opened that closet if he could help it, the one in the hallway off the kitchen.  The one that held two highchairs embroidered with the names of two little boys.  When he did, when he had to, his wrists burned like stigmata, his ankles too, and his ears rang with the sound of a slap. 

Vincent didn’t like to be in the basement in the dark.  No matter what, he kept a candle burning.  Should that candle go out, suddenly the darkness began to crowd him.  Suddenly he heard the sniffling of a gifted boy with a selfish mother, and the smell of wax became cloying, and his stomach began to ache. 

And Lester never spent much time in the house by himself.  When he did, time seemed to stop.  The clocks froze in place.  And he had the feeling, unshakeable, that he was the last person left on earth.  That everyone had gone, and they had left him behind. 

Life in Ambrose was a breath of smoke, a trick of the light.  The brothers drifted past each other in the hallways, rattled liquor bottles, howled at the moon.  Often the stairs groaned with the footsteps of someone leaving a sweat-soaked bed.  The pictures moved, flipped facedown, faceup.  Footprints in the dust.  The inexplicable smell of tobacco.  The sound of muffled screaming.  Life after death, after death, after death. 

The Sinclair brothers always knew they lived in a haunted house.  They didn’t mind it so much, as long as they had one another. 

Because there is no fate worse than being a lonely ghost. 

[luminouslotuses]

my (hopefully) coherent thoughts about mean girls! spoilers ahead ofc👍

music:

the songs weren’t that bad! sexy, world burn, apex predator, and meet the plastics were my faves

my least favorite was stupid with love though,, the production makes it so boring i’m sorry😭

<-but what i will say is that the stupid with love reprise performed at the spring fling SLAPPED. why can’t that be on the soundtrackk

i feel like a lot of emotion that the original songs had is lost here. whether it be the production or the vocals accompanying it or both; i feel like they go hand in hand. reneé auli’i & jaquel definitely brought the energy that was needed here

the choreography & visuals that went with the songs definitely made them better than simply listening to the soundtrack on its own. like i was much more invested in what ifs & revenge party for example– and i already liked someone gets hurt, but the VISUALS??? holy shit that scene was incredible

i really wish a few songs were kept from the show like any of damian’s or that the someone gets hurt reprise in the movie was included in the soundtrack. hell i kind of wish do this thing was kept because i think that would’ve gone so hard at the end for some inexplicable reason pfft

and of course these can’t top the original broadway versions, nor did i expect them to. also sometimes the production or mixing was either bland or off (like in world burn reneé’s vocals are a second or two behind the backing track at one point, which is super weird since it’s fine in the soundtrack but i digress lmao)

cast/characters:

the cast have great chemistry they’re all so talented they’re so fucking funny aghh the casting was perfect

reneé as regina made me gayer somehow. Not surprised there

AVANTIKA. she was soso perfect as karen!! so funny so insanely pretty and she did sexy so much justice

okay admittedly i was a little unsure about angourie as cady. only at first though because once she became part of the plastics she played that role so well

speaking of cady that scene when regina’s singing in the cafeteria and cady’s staring at her is actually the gayest thing i’ve ever seen hands down

ms. norbury & mr. duvall are in a relationship. they have dogs at home. janis said (jokingly) that they got wasted at the spring fling. they are My straight couple i love them so fucking much

ough the bond between cady and her mom is so sweet and even emotional at one point i really like it

the band always seeming to be around and playing is so good especially when they’re in the tree in that one scene lol

i knew lindsay lohan would be there somehow and her being the proctor for the math competition was golden. (also her lines like “this has only happened once more”<-referencing the original movie & then the “i don’t know your life” to cady were SOOO)

miscellaneous:

so happy some of the jokes and moments from the musical were in the movie. like “homeschooled? oh that’s a fun way to take jobs from my union!” & mr. duvall’s retainer case & the bathroom scene with cady & regina lol

i was thinking they’d go overboard with the social media aspect (like a lot of media typically tends to do when making a movie like this) but i was pleasantly surprised! yes it was definitely a large part of many scenes but i think it mostly worked & made sense. but then again this is tina fey so she knows what she’s doing lmao

it’s best to not have any expectations when walking into this movie; nothing too high, nothing too low. i probably like it more than the average person as i’ve always loved the broadway musical but still. if you want to see it i say go for it! it has a great cast, songs that range from bland & perfectly serviceable to great with exceptional vocals (coughs. Reneé), and some nice references and moments for fans of the original movie, the musical, or both. it was fun time and i could tell there was heart put into it🫶

[sehunniepotwrites]

if we were a movie | j.jh

for @nctsworld’s first writing challenge

SYNOPSIS. For someone who was always the understudy and never the lead, scoring this role was huge for you. All you had to do was pretend to be in love with your best friend. No big deal, right? Wrong. It was the biggest deal because, for the past four years, you had been hiding your feelings for Jung Jaehyun.

If this were a movie, he would be your perfect match and the story would end happily with the credits rolling to a perfectly timed soundtrack. Too bad this wasn’t a movie— this was real life and life came with complications.

GENRE. childhood friends to lovers!au, college!au, drama school!au, slow burn, angst, humor, mutual pining, fluff (loosely based on the Filipino rom-com Must Be Love and If We Were a Movie by Hannah Montana) PAIRING. theatre major!Jaehyun x  theatre major!reader WORD COUNT. 14+ k

WARNINGS. point of view switches from first (”I”) to second (”you”); self-doubt, insecurities, mutual pining, cursing, lots of references and direct quotes from musicals such as Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella, Disney’s Newsies, Disney’s Beauty and the Beast, Shrek the Musical, and Wicked (edited but i might’ve missed some mistakes; bare with me!)

There are moments where time flows as normal, where people carry on with their days as they usually do. Then, there are moments people experience in slow-motion, where the world just stops spinning and all the background noise just fades away. These are the moments people look forward to. They’re the breathtaking ones, the ones that capture your heart and soul. After those moments, people are never the same. 

The first time I experienced something in slow motion was when I made my stage debut at a small talent show. There was thunderous applause after my performance and while my heart thumped against my chest, the world seemed to come to a stop. That’s when I knew my heart belonged to the stage or rather, the stage belonged to me. 

Some of these slo-mo moments are the ones where people fall in love. 

My father said that’s how he knew my mother was the one for him: he experienced it all at a slowed rate, everything fading into black and she was the only thing he saw. She was his brightest star and he was the one who reached for the sky to bring her down to Earth. 

When I was younger, I always dreamed about my “falling in love” slow-mo moment. I pictured a grandiose event with large actions and sweet words.  For it to actually happen at theatre camp during the initial dress rehearsal for Disney’s Beauty and the Beast J.R.— well, that was far from what I hoped for. 

And yet, it was just as special as I thought it would be. 

I was in my obnoxious fork costume, waiting for my best friend to leave the boy’s dressing room. 

Jung Jaehyun had been my best friend since the beginning, otherwise known as my first year at theatre camp. Only ten years old at the time, we both were cast as two of the three blind mice in Shrek the Musical and had been inseparable ever since. Although we attended different middle schools, our friendship grew from our shared vocal and dance lessons as well as our summers at camp. You know how it is; those who end up in the ensemble together stay together. 

Going over the dance moves in my head, I didn’t hear my friend’s voice calling my name. He gripped my shoulder, the action surprising me to the point where I lost my balance. I yelped and shut my eyes, expecting to fall onto the hard ground but a hand grabbing onto my wrist prevented my doom. With an arm around my waist, I barely missed the ground.

Slowly opening my eyes, I glanced up to see Jung Jaehyun looking down at me with a worried gaze. He was just a sixteen-year-old boy dressed as a spoon and yet, the world around us came to a halt. Gone were the other frantic theatre kids and the backstage messes. The couple playing Belle and the Beast was no longer sitting across from us, running through their lines. No hustle and bustle of the crew and the props masters.

It was just me dressed as a fork, falling down while my spoon for a best friend caught me in his arms. 

“We make quite a pair, don’t we, Forky?” he chuckled lowly, hitting the top of his costume to mine. It was a ridiculous sight— a pair of oversized cutlery in a crowded dressing room.

A burning hot sensation crept its way up to my face as he gently pulled me up. “I guess we do.”

Since then, my life has never been the same. I was in love with my best friend, Jung Jaehyun. I fell for him when the world stopped spinning beneath my feet while his world, unfortunately, kept on turning.

I remember each and every slowed-down moment in life —the good, the bad, and the absolute worst. I never thought a bad slo-mo moment existed, I simply didn’t think it was possible. 

I was young and naive then and I was so incredibly wrong.

The moment that hurt me most took place in my senior year of high school. The final callbacks for our community’s production of Disney’s Newsies were in order. The role of Jack Kelly, the headstrong and flirty newsboy, was easily given to the ever-so-charming Jung Jaehyun. He was not only my best friend at the time but he was the it-boy of our small theatre. People were either in love with him or wanted to be him— his talent matched his insane looks. His kind personality made him all the more lovable.

Jaehyun had his two fatal flaws, though. Everyone knew them but still saw him in such a bright light.

One: the boy was extremely clumsy. Jaehyun was often called “magic hands,” constantly ruining his props. It was a running gag in the theatre but the props committee never minded; one smile was all it took for them to forgive him and his cursed hands. 

That was his first flaw. And his second? Jaehyun fell in love way too easily and way too fast. 

How exactly did I find this out? Well, I was there to witness the scene that lifted his heart to the highest of levels while mine dropped straight to the ground.

I was in the running for the stubbornly intelligent female lead named Katherine Plumber. My opponent was the confident and radiant Son Wendy. She always played the lead in her high school productions but this was a community musical and I was determined to claim that part as my own. 

I went first, entering the audition room with a smile with the script gripped tightly in my palm. Performing alongside my best friend was easy. The romantic scene was a piece of cake, not because the lines were a breeze. That wasn’t it at all. It wasn’t because I memorized the Newsies script as a child either. It was because, at that moment, Jung Jaehyun was in love with me as much as I was in love with him. It was a moment I wanted to cherish forever: the way he looked at me was something I had never experienced before. It was so full of emotion and passion, like he had me within his grasp and never wanted to let me go.

“You got this. I believe in you,” he whispered in my ear, squeezing my hand in support. His breath tickled my skin and sent shivers down my spine. The nerves were back, not because of the audition, but because of him. 

“You’re just saying that because it’s the scene we’re about to act out, Jae,” I hissed. The sheet music for the duet, Something to Believe In, wrinkled in my free palm. 

His warm, comforting hand pressed harder against my own. “No, it’s not that. If you need someone to believe in you, I’m right here. I’ve got you, Forky. Always.”

The director cleared his throat from his seat, his scrutinizing eyes watching us closely as we got into position, just like we rehearsed a thousand times. “Whenever you’re ready.”

I watched as Jaehyun took a deep breath to get into character. He closed his eyes, rolled his broad shoulders back, and then his lids snapped open. His brown-eyed gaze aimed straight at me, with a vulnerable expression taking over his features. He was no longer Jung Jaehyun— he was Jack Kelly, a scared newsboy who was in love with a newspaper company heiress. 

The line came pouring out of his mouth with the utmost sincerity, the confusion and affection seeping through his words, “Just standing here tonight, looking at you, I’m scared tomorrow is gonna come and change everything.”

 Jaehyun took a step forward towards me, an unsure smile curling on his lips. “If there was a way I could just grab hold of something to make time stop just so I could keep looking at you.”

His body stops right in front of mine, keeping a clear distance but enough to feel the passion radiating off of his words and actions. For once in my young life, my best friend looked at me with a different kind of love in his eyes and I returned it, my genuine feelings seeping through my words. 

Biting my lip, I replied coyly, “You snuck up on me, Jack Kelly, I never even saw it coming.”

“For sure?” he stage-whispered. His upstage hand unexpectedly reached up to caress my cheek. The action was unrehearsed, almost catching me off guard. It was a different take on the scene. The characters were supposed to be shy, their thoughts wavering on their own feelings for each other and the impending strike that was to come the day after; yet, Jaehyun played Jack as someone certain of his feelings.

“For sure,” I answered back at the same volume, my hand cupping his own to follow along with his direction. It felt as if he was searching my soul for my thoughts and I could not let him in. The opening bars of the romantic duet echoed throughout the room and after taking a breath, I began to sing. Jaehyun joined in on the second verse and instantly, our voices blended together in a beautiful harmony, one that beat our Newsies karaoke sessions in his car. 

The scene ended as quickly as it began. The director hummed before jotting notes down and whispering to his casting assistants for a few seconds. I thought they were the longest seconds of my life. Jaehyun nodded his head to reassure me. “You did well, Forky.”

“Of course I did, it’s me we’re talking about here,” I nudged him back. “I can do no wrong, Jae!” 

“Thank you,” the director finally spoke, “you may go. Jaehyun, if you could escort her out and fetch Wendy for me?”

“Of course,” your friend nodded. The feeling of his large hand on my back slowly guided me out of the room. The spot he touched me burned but my cheeks were burning even more. Why was it that every little touch drove me to the brink of insanity?

“You’re so going to land this part,” I remember him saying as he squeezed my waist. My heart was beating erratically against my ribcage, the butterflies in my stomach threatening to fly their way up my throat.

“You think so?”

“Oh definitely,” Jaehyun stressed with a wink. 

He said it too soon. 

Because the minute he locked gazes with Son Wendy, I just knew he had found his leading lady. 

“S-Son Wendy?” he stuttered as he caught sight of the pretty girl in the waiting room. Her hair was styled similarly to a young maiden from the turn of the century, perfectly curled and out of her face. 

“Yes?” she smiled back.

It seemed like the words were caught in my best friend’s throat. Sneaking a glance at Jaehyun’s ears, they burned a bright red. “We’re, um, we’re ready for you.”

I watched as Jaehyun nervously offered his arm to her, his eyes never leaving her face. It was like he was her own personal spotlight, the way his eyes shone just for the girl in front of him. The boy was completely enamored and I was instantly in the shadows. The sweet smile that was reserved for me was directed towards another and it sparkled in a way it never did before.

The world around me moved incredibly slow as they passed me by. With everything frozen, all I saw was the gorgeous couple headed to the audition room with hushed exchanges. Jaehyun took his time heading to the private room to spend more time with the girl while Son Wendy steadily made her way into my friend’s fragile heart. My own heart clenched at the sight. It was breaking ever so slowly and I felt every little crack and tear. 

Even with the role of the understudy, it was as if I never even had a chance at winning his heart over. If Wendy wasn’t present for one rehearsal, Jaehyun didn’t even see me— his own best friend since our ensemble days. He was way too deep into his “showmance.” It was like I never even existed. It wasn’t long before he called Wendy his girlfriend and then, I was invisible. Cast aside. Ignored.

Needless to say, my heart broke in slow-motion as Jaehyun’s pounded rapidly for a girl that took two parts I desperately ached for: Katherine Plumber and the girl who held Jaehyun’s heart. 

But this was just the first time his heart was stolen by his opposite. The first of many.

The first two years of university passed me by like a summer breeze. Constantly busy with general education and introductory drama courses, I was constantly flitting around from building to building. My hands were usually occupied by my laptop, a blazing cup of caffeinated tea, and a worn out script while my mind was filled with jumbled up lines and the dramatic cries of an overwhelmed university student. I probably wouldn’t have made it this far if it wasn’t for Jaehyun and Xiao Dejun, another theatre major we had met during orientation, by my side.

Fast forward to my third year and the three of us were headed to the office of the theatre department. It was posting day for the spring musical— the day the cast list was revealed. This year’s musical spectacular was Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella. The play itself was a modern classic and it was also my dream come true.

This day, just like any posting day of the drama department, was nerve-racking. Everyone was anxious to find out what parts they were given and how the fairytale would play out. The part of the brave and kind Ella was always on my list of roles I wanted to fill. As much as I thought I did well on my final callback, I didn’t want to set my hopes too high.

“Are you nervous?” Jaehyun asked while draping an arm over my shoulder. He playfully put all his weight onto his right side to throw me off balance. 

“Nervous? Me? Why would I be nervous if I’m like 95% sure  I’m going to get the understudy again?” I chuckled sarcastically. Bitterly. It happened every year, so why get my hopes up now?

“Yeah but—”

“No buts, I’ve accepted the title of the Wonderstudy! I think you should too, Jae,” I slapped his shoulder before quickly slipping out of his hold before linking arms with Dejun. My best friend let out a yelp, almost tripping over his own two feet as we continued down the hallway. “I’m mediocre at best.”

The Wonderstudy: it was the nickname the other students in the department gave me because I was always the understudy. I was never the star of the show. It said that I was good but not good enough. 

Dejun leaned in and whispered, “You do know that you’re more than just that, right? You’re an actor. A phenomenal one. You weren’t accepted to this drama program by just being mediocre at best.”

I ignored my friend’s comment, eyes zoned in at the other end of the building. The crowd of usual theatre students crowded around the bulletin board, curious heads popping up and down trying to take a peek at the list. Some buzzed with excitement, happy they got a major part while others groaned in disappointment. You were most likely going to be with the later group. 

Once the cluster of students caught sight of Jaehyun, they parted like the red sea to let him through. It wasn’t really necessary, though, everyone knew the it-boy of the drama department was cast as the role of the misguided prince, Topher. 

The only question was: who was cast as his princess? Who was this year’s Ella?

I fought my way through the bunch with Dejun following behind me as our best friend was showered with congratulations. Jaehyun was all smiles, dimples prominent as he was lavished by the mass. Dejun made it to the list first. His finger dragged along the thin paper until he found his name. He cheered, pumping his fist up in joy. “I got the part I wanted! I’m Jean-Michel!”

Grinning at my friend, I sincerely congratulated him. He got the second lead: the feisty peasant looking for change. Turning again, his eyes grazed the list until Dejun found my name. His smile dropped ever so slightly and that was when I knew: I was beaten once again. 

“What part did I get?”

“Gabrielle,” he answered. Ah, the outwardly abrasive but quietly empathetic sister. The second lead, love interest of Jean-Michel. At least I was playing Dejun’s opposite. 

I took a step closer, wondering who took the part of the kind princess. Squinting at the small print, my eyes scanned the jumble of words until I saw it.

Ella……………………….Lee Naeun Ella u/s………………….Y/N

I scoffed. Forever the understudy. The Wonderstudy of the Theatre Department indeed.

The first rehearsal, otherwise known as the read-through, took a toll on me. It was usually a two to three hour long session, filled with loud chatter, crazy introductions, and a variety of crazy theatre games to break the ice. When the niceties ended, everyone took their seats in their plastic chairs that were arranged in a huge circle. Bae Joohyun, the head stage manager began reading the stage directions aloud as the table read began. The production’s director, Professor O’Hare, sat alongside Joohyun, jotting down notes and giving out commentary when needed. 

Amongst the reading of lines were tiny whispers, the sound of highlighters and pencils marking the paper, and the simultaneous turning of pages. The music director, Professor Lau sat at the piano bench and sight-read the music to give the cast a taste of the songs. Being the first rehearsal, the few who knew of the songs sang along to the accompaniment with joyous smiles, myself and Dejun included.

When Professor Lau played the first romantic duet between the leads, all heads turned to Jaehyun and Naeun who sat side-by-side. With it being their first time together, the performance was far from perfect but it was still something. His lower tone blended nicely with her softer voice and the shy glances they exchanged made their duet quite a sight. 

As Jaehyun and Naeun read the last lines for Act One, I noticed the way Jaehyun’s gaze kept flittering back to Naeun’s pretty face. The girl was focused on her lines, head down and hair blocking her gorgeous features, but he still kept looking at her and only her. I could imagine how the scene was playing out in his head, the world slowing down until Naeun was the only one moving.  He was infatuated. Twitterpated. 

And it hurt. It hurt more than reading the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet or listening to Elphaba’s desperate cry she lets out when she loses Fiyero. Call me dramatic but that was how I felt. 

It wasn’t like I tried getting over him. It wasn’t like I tried dating other people before; I had many, many times but my mind always drifted back to my best friend. He was the boy with the richest brown eyes, the perfectly dimpled smile, and the lowest laugh that set my heart aflame. Without even knowing it, Jaehyun had this incredible hold on my broken heart and he would not let me out of his grip. 

The green-eyed monster inside me resurfaced and I hated it. I absolutely hated it— why was I so pathetically in love with my best friend? 

 “Here we go again,” I said before dropping my head onto the table. 

“You say that every time and you keep running back to him at the end of the day,” Dejun whispered before looking back down at his script. His hand continued to jet across the page, his highlighter marking his many lines. 

Rolling up the script in my hand, I whacked his side. The action caused his hand to jerk the bright marker in another direction, striking a distorted line on his page. “Look what you did, twerp!” he hissed.

“Your fault, Eyebrows!”

“Stop calling me that, you fork!”

“Hey, only I can call her fork!” Jaehyun appeared out of nowhere, plopping alongside me. His voice snapped us out of our little argument, making us realize that the director called for a fifteen. 

“That’s only because you’re a dumb spoon,” I stuck my tongue out at him. Jaehyun pretended to reach for it and I blew a raspberry at him to retaliate. 

“You two idiots are my favorite cutlery set,” Dejun shook his head with a laugh. He was probably wondering why he stuck around us the majority of the time. 

“Let off it, Dejun,” Jaehyun said with the roll of his brown orbs. 

“Only if you let me be the knife to your set.”

“As if, dumbass,” I countered with a laugh. 

“Okay but you guys, can we stop fighting for a sec and talk about how I got her number?” Jaehyun beamed, throwing his arms over both our shoulders. He pulled us closer to his body and the faint smell of his musky cologne hit my nose. I held back a sigh as it filled my senses. Oh, to be drowned in his scent. 

“I got Naeun’s number!” he repeated excitedly, his strong arms shaking us. I held back my abrupt want to push him off. I wasn’t in a celebrating mood. My heart was too broken to care.

“Of course you did, when do you not get a girl’s number?” I answered a bit too bitterly. Raising a brow at him, I added, “Are we supposed to be surprised?”

“Listen,” Jaehyun countered, pulling back from me. “I don’t like that attitude, Forky.”

I scoffed, “Never stopped you from being my friend before, Jae.”

Jaehyun didn’t answer; he was too busy clutching his phone. His pretty brown eyes were fixed on Naeun’s contact page like it was the world’s greatest treasure. His eyes were sparkling in admiration before his gaze turned to the girl across the room. The look my best friend wore on his face was soft, the smile on his lips light. “I think she could be the one.”

Some thought him to be a player but I never thought of him that way. He might have had the looks of a heartbreaker but he had the purest heart of gold. The boy with the dimpled smile, porcelain skin, and cheeks as red as roses was a hopeless romantic to his very core. He was simply looking for his other half. 

“I think she could be the one.” His words repeated in my head, his voice pestering me. My heart lurched at them despite hearing them each semester. 

Jaehyun said this every year, with every girl. He said this when he crushed on Son Wendy, Kim Chungha, and so many more. His infatuations and crushes ended just as easily as they started. The boy was more than disappointed when the initial spark with each girl ended after a show’s run ended. When the musical closed, so did his feelings for each opposite. 

I never got stage fright; I was usually the one who said what was on her mind without a moment’s hesitation. So why was I hesitating to tell him my feelings?

Why was I hesitating to say that the one Jaehyun could be looking for was standing right next to him?

Just another rehearsal at the auditorium. 

Just another day watching my best friend fall for his leading lady.

Jaehyun and Naeun were standing in the middle of the stage, the ensemble surrounding them. He stood behind her, his hands gently placed on her waist while she leaned back into his touch. Naeun was wearing a fluffy tulle skirt, a mock-up of her ballgown. Park Sooyoung, the resident fashion major and lead costume designer, pushed her to wear it so she could get used to the estimated size of her dress. Even in a mere tank top and tulle skirt, Lee Naeun looked like a princess.

Professor Kwon, the choreographer of the production, stood at the end with a watchful eye. She counted them off, walking them through the routine while the rest of us practiced our steps off to the sidelines. 

Once the two main characters got the hang of their steps, Professor Kwon motioned for Professor Lau to play the songs from the beginning. As much as I tried to focus on my own dance moves, my mind kept wandering back to Jaehyun. 

Imagining him under the spotlight in a perfectly tailored suit, a crown sitting on his head, extending his arm out not to Naeun but to me. It was one of those movie moments where the characters and the audience watching fell in love. 

If life was like a movie, things would be so much easier. 

So lost in my thoughts, I missed a count and stepped on my partner’s foot. Muttering a quiet sorry to him, we continued on with the routine. As my partner swirled me around the dance floor, I drifted back into my daydream.

My utterly impossible daydream where I was the girl Jung Jaehyun was infatuated with. Although this play talked about impossible things happening everyday, I couldn’t imagine this ever happening. 

The terrible thing about being a theatre major in university was being a theatre major with midterms. Not only did I have to deal with hours of my back hunched over a desk and scattered study materials, I had to spend half of my days in the school’s theatre rehearsing. 

If I was not in class scribbling down last minute notes in notebooks,  I was learning dance routines or running lines on and off stage alongside Dejun. The days were long and the nights were even longer. Sometimes, the cast fell asleep in the seats of the auditorium while rehearsals were going on. We were all losing sleep. Some of us were losing our sanity but hey, welcome to the theatre. 

My schedule was filled to the brim and I wasn’t even the main character of the show. On top of that, I had to memorize the part of Ella. Not that it was really needed in the first place. 

No one ever stepped down from a lead role while I was their backup. It just didn’t happen.

Despite the hectic lives of belonging to the theatre department, the musical was two months into production and everything was running smoothly. With a month and a left until opening night, everyone was off-book and the initial stage blocking was done. The costuming and makeup committee were finishing up their mock-up designs and the student orchestra sounded divine. 

I saw more of Dejun than Jaehyun lately, my best friend being preoccupied with his new love interest before, during, and after rehearsals. I was cast aside once again.

Was it something out of the ordinary? No.

Did it still hurt? Yes.

Did I do anything about it? Absolutely not. I didn’t want to ruin his happiness. I rather suffer than see him as nothing but joyous, even if the happiness was temporary. The grin he wore when he was in love was too beautiful to rip away. Jaehyun shined like the light from the sun. I could never bring myself to do it. 

It was week eight of rehearsals when I stepped out of my last midterm, my head absolutely empty after reading small text for over an hour. Reaching into my backpack’s front pocket, I pulled out my cell phone and quickly turned it on. My screen was flooded with missed calls and texts from Professor O’Hare, Joohyun, Jaehyun, and Dejun, the notification numbers reaching over a hundred total. 

Something must have happened. Talk about a theatre emergency. Knowing our kind, they were probably being overdramatic. 

Just as I was about to unlock my phone, a video call went through. It was Dejun. Rolling my eyes, I slid my finger across the screen to answer it. “Jeez, I know you love me but give a girl a break, Eyebrows!”

“God, you’re so conceited sometimes. Why didn’t you answer my calls?!” He shouted, face close to the phone. I winced at the volume, immediately lowering the level as I slipped on my wireless earbuds. “There are important matters to discuss here!”

“What happened this time? Did someone say Macbeth in the theatre again? You know I don’t believe in that shit,” I said sarcastically.

“Oh my god. This is not the time for jokes! Everyone’s been trying to reach you!” Xiaojun yelled once more. “Where are you?!”

“I just got out of my musical history midterm in Maple Hall. Heading to the theatre right now. Why?” I never received an answer; Dejun hung up the call. Giving my phone a weird look, I shoved it in my pocket before continuing on my way. A light push on my back prevented me from going too far. 

“Twerp!” Xiao Dejun’s voice came from behind me, yanking me by the straps of my backpack. He was breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath. “Oh my god, we’ve been looking for you everywhere,” he said in between heavy breaths. 

Crossing my arms, I cocked a brow at him. “Why’s that?”

Dejun placed a hand on my shoulder for support. The words came flying out of his mouth, I almost couldn’t catch what he was saying. So much for being a theatre major. 

“Speak clearly, Dejun. Enunciate, articulate, exaggerate, remember? We are thespians and thespians do not mumble!”

The exhausted boy ignored my theatricals. “Naeun didn’t land a switch leap right and she rolled her ankle during advanced ballet. She’s going to be out for at least three to four weeks,” my friend replied breathily, his words a lot clearer than before.

The news shocked me to the core, my feet suddenly planted to the ground. It sounded like he said Naeun was out of commission. “What?” 

“She’s out for three to four weeks! I mean sucks for her, I wish her a speedy recovery but do you know what this means?”

The lack of response from me urged him to continue, “Sweetheart, she’s out. You’re in!”

Oh shit. I was in.

The part I had always dreamed of was mine. The lead role was finally mine.

I was now Ella and Jung Jaehyun was my Prince Topher.

Having an understudy step up to their role halfway through production was always something to get used to. It was a setback, a minor one, but still a setback. Just as Jaehyun finally settled into his role and built an unshakeable bond with Lee Naeun as his opposite, the accident happened. His potential girlfriend was now out of the show and off her feet in order to push for a speedy recovery.

The lovesick boy couldn’t even be there for her because his rehearsal times increased in order to get his best friend adjusted to your new role. There he was, leaning against the piano while waiting for you to arrive.

Professor Lau sat at the bench, flipping through his sheet music until he found the song he was looking for. 

The door slammed open and you stumbled in. “Am I late? I’m sorry, I just heard the news.”

“No, not at all. You’re right on time,” the professor smiled at you. “The situation’s weird, I know but congratulations on getting Ella.”

“Thanks, Professor. That means a lot,” you grinned back. 

Dropping your bag by the piano, you swiftly pulled out the script. You glanced at Jaehyun’s opened book for the page number before hastily flipping through the pages. Jaehyun nudged your side. “Hey, Forky.”

“Hey yourself,” you elbowed him back, biting your bottom lip.

“Congrats, bubs. You did it,” he pulled you into a side hug before ruffling your hair with pride. You had finally gotten a part you wanted. It was your time to shine. As your best friend for many years, Jaehyun had been waiting for the day you could show the crowds your full potential.  

“Did I really do it or did your girlfriend just get injured? How is she, by the way?” 

As much as you tried to play the overdramatic, conceited girl, you never believed in yourself but Jaehyun always did. You deserve the spotlight; your talent was out of this world and the masses were finally granted a chance to see you for what you were— a star.

“You did this. You were made for this part as much as she was,” Jaehyun reassured his best friend with a smile. He tapped your nose. “And she’s not my girlfriend but she’s doing alright. Just in a little bit of pain. I’m going to see her after we finish.”

“Give her some well wishes for me,” you answered. Jaehyun didn’t notice your smile dropping into a small frown.

“You ready to act like you’re in love with me?”

“I was born ready, you doof.” There was something weird in your voice when those words left your lips but Jaehyun didn’t have time to process it.

Professor Lau guided the students through a series of warm-ups before asking, “Shall we start with Do I Love You Because You’re Beautiful today? We’ll do a couple of run-throughs before Jaehyun teaches you the blocking.” His fingers played the beginning notes of the song, the light melody drifting to their ears. 

Already off book at this point, Jaehyun closed his eyes and began to sing.

Do I love you because you’re beautiful? Or are you beautiful because I love you?

Am I making believe I see in you A girl too lovely to be really true?

Do I want you because you’re wonderful? Or are you wonderful because I want you?

Are you the sweet invention of a lover’s dream? Or are you really as wonderful as you seem?

When his eyes fluttered open, Jaehyun found himself facing you with a script in hand. Your face wore the softest look as you stared back at him. His breath almost caught in his throat at the gentle smile you wore. You played the part differently from Naeun and it was a refreshing sight to behold. You were playing a confused peasant but your eyes still sparkled with the gleam of a thousand suns. 

There was a flush of heat that started from his cheeks and extended to his reddening ears. His heart was doing its best to break out of his ribcage and the star of the show wasn’t sure if his chest could keep it in for very much longer.

When singing with him, Naeun was a pretty princess.

But when he sang with you, the girl in front of him? Jaehyun thought you were absolutely breathtaking.

Two hours later, we were finally free of rehearsals. My first rehearsal as Ella. My throat was a bit parched from all the singing and projecting I was doing but I felt lighter than air. Singing with Jaehyun made me feel lighter than air. I was weightless, nothing could hold me down.

“Forky, you’re really good,” he said to me as we walked to our cars. I tried to fight the sudden heat making its way to my face. Lately, compliments from him were hard to come by.

 It was already late when O’Hare and Lau finally let us out, the moon sitting high in the sky. The night breeze crept its way into my thin jacket, causing me to hug myself to retain some warmth. Noticing my struggle with the cold, Jaehyun quickly draped his jacket over my shoulders. I was immediately hit with his familiar scent, it was almost overwhelming. I should be used to this, his action of sharing his clothes with me was nothing new but I was weak. It affected me every single time. I guess I was that head over heels for him. 

Head over glass heels, one could even say.

“You’ve seen me in action before and I mean, I was chosen to be the understudy for a reason,” I gave him a shrug. 

“Yeah but I’ve never seen you act and sing like that. Just...wow.” Stealing a glance at him, Jaehyun almost looked enamored with me. He was giving me a look that was usually reserved for someone else. I felt my heartbeat pick up in my chest and flutters in my stomach.

“Stop that,” I blushed, pinching his skin through the thin material of his long-sleeved shirt. A satisfying buzz ran through my body. Was he really looking at me like that? I was probably reading too much into it.

“No, but it seemed so real. Like you weren’t pretending.”

“That’s because I wasn’t,” I whispered under my breath as we arrived at our cars. 

“Hmm, you say something?” Jaehyun asked, leaning closer to hear me. 

Shaking my feelings away, I ignored the dull ache in my chest and acted through the tears I was desperately holding in. I wrinkled my nose at him playfully, secretly pushing the pain down my throat. “You really don’t listen to a word I say, do you, Jae? I said, I’ll see you later.”

“See ya, Forky! Get home safely!”

Scoffing to myself, I realized how much of a great actor I was. I deserved an Oscar or a Tony for the scenes I played out, the ones where I pretended to be okay when I was far from it. 

What award do you ask? Best Actress in a Supporting Role— the best friend to Jung Jaehyun but never the love of his life.

Wardrobe fittings for productions were always an exciting day for the whole cast and crew. It was one step closer to putting on a show. Jaehyun was already dressed in one of his many costumes, a white suit with golden trimmings. It fit him for the most part, only tiny adjustments were needed. Members of the wardrobe department quickly pinned his neatly pressed jacket before taking it off his hands. Since he was the main character, Jaehyun was one of the first ones done. He was simply waiting for you to come out in your first dress— the white gown for the ball scene in Act One.

When you finally did all those minutes ago, Jaehyun swore his heart stopped. 

Ten minutes ago, Jaehyun saw his best friend walk through the curtains. Your face was bare, hair still in that lazy style you always sported but your clothes. The comfy clothing you usually rehearsed in was gone and replaced by a beautiful ball gown. Despite the pins that scattered throughout the material to fit your form, it still appeared majestic. There you were, standing before him and the rest of the cast, and you were the loveliest you had ever been.

Ten minutes ago, you walked in and his head was reeling. Time slowed down as you tentatively made your way towards him. You did not meet his eyes but Jaehyun was dying to catch your gaze. He never wanted to let you out of his sight. The picture of his best friend in white was something he wanted to treasure and suddenly, the slowness around him stopped. The cast’s cheers and squeals disappeared. There was only you in that beautiful ball gown. 

Was this the slow-motion moment you always talked about? The one you always dreamed about experiencing? Jaehyun could see why people thought it to be magic. It was almost like a movie, movie magic if you will. 

Another look at you and then Jaehyun was in the future, watching you make her way down the aisle. A thin veil covered your face and he was so tempted to push it away from concealing your dazzling smile. His heart was fighting its way out of his chest, wanting to head down the path straight to you. How he wanted to reach out and touch you, cradle you in his arms. 

You were truly an angel in white. A princess. A queen.

The mere sight of you took him to the skies, the one place he was sure you were from. Although Jaehyun would never admit it, he always thought you to be beautiful. Throughout the many years of being best friends, he would find his gaze subconsciously drifting to you. He would rip it away before you would ever notice him doing so, knowing you would tease the hell out of him for it— it was his own little secret tucked away into the corners of his beating heart. 

“How do I look?” Your question snapped him out of his daydream and back to reality. Back down to earth. 

“Sorry, what did you say?” 

“Oh my god, you stupid spoon! I said, how do I look?”

“Lovely,” he answered sincerely, his brown eyes digging into your own. “You look absolutely lovely.”

Ten minutes ago, you simply murmured a question while Jung Jaehyun came to a realization. The realization that he might’ve fallen for you: his Forky, his best friend.

The loveliest girl he had ever seen.

With Cinderella’s opening night being only a few weeks out, you and Jaehyun decided to fit in extra time together to run lines and songs outside of scheduled rehearsals. That was the plan for every weekend and that particular Saturday was no exception to this plan. When his doorbell rang frantically, Jaehyun groaned loudly before getting up to answer the door. Did you always have to be so obnoxious?

Just as the door swung open, your loud voice boomed into his apartment, “‘Sup, ho! Ready to rehearse the hell out of this show or what?”

He stepped aside to let you in and you immediately made yourself comfortable in his humble abode. Jaehyun almost laughed as he watched you. There was a particular routine you stuck to when visiting his place. First, you would take off your shoes, slip on your personal pair of slippers you left at his house, drop your bag on the kitchen counter, and then open his fridge to raid his food supply.

Precisely as Jaehyun predicted, you waddled to the fridge in your memory-foam duck slippers and stole one of his yakults. He loved how comfortable you were in his home. It was truly a heart-warming sight.  The act itself was extremely domestic and he quite liked the domesticity when it was with you. That flash of you in a wedding gown came back to him and he blushed at the thought. The idea of spending a future together was flooding his brain recently and he didn’t know what to do. 

You weren’t the one he liked. Naeun was but why were you the only person on his mind? Was it wrong to have you in his mind? Naeun wasn’t his girlfriend— they were still getting to know each other. His time with her decreased over time since you had stepped into the role of Ella. He was very fond of you. He always had been. There was this little piece of his heart that was reserved for you but was it because you were his best friend or was it more?

Jaehyun quickly snapped himself out of it. 

“First of all, I’m not a ho,” he said before grabbing a yakult of his own. He poked the straw through the foil a bit too harshly, the liquid splashing over the top. Damn his strength— now half of his drink was gone. “Second, stop slut-shaming me for my dating choices. It’s 2021. If I wanted to be a ho, I could be a ho.”

You rolled your eyes as you took a sip of your drink. “God, I hate you sometimes.”

“You need to stop lying to yourself, I know you’re hopelessly in love with me,” Jaehyun said, pointing his drink towards you. He caught you rolling your eyes at his answer.

“Oh, you’re absolutely right. I am irrevocably in love with you, Jung Jaehyun,” you said sarcastically, dramatically batting your eyelashes his way. Your confession, despite being a sarcastic statement, left his heart racing against time. 

“Alexa, play Hopelessly Devoted to You!” you yelled ironically. 

“Now playing Hopelessly Devoted to You by Olivia Newton-John,” an electronic voice boomed across his living room before the opening notes of the ballad began to play. 

“Shit! I forgot you actually had an Echo,” you jumped, not expecting that at all. Jaehyun chuckled at your reaction, loving how easily you scare. He always thought it was one of your cuter traits. 

“Alexa, stop!” he called. 

Jaehyun ran a hand through his hair. He dragged his feet to his bedroom, knowing you would follow without a word. “I can’t rehearse today, I have to write this damned analysis paper for a class. It’s due in two days.”

“I’m sorry, is that paper more important than your best friend in the entire world?” you pushed from behind him.

“Yes,” he deadpanned, taking a seat at his desk. Jaehyun’s study area was an absolute mess. His notebooks were scattered around the floor, textbooks opened to random pages, and his laptop opened to a google document.  

“That’s a motherfucking lie and you know it.”

“I really can’t rehearse now, Forky,” he sighed.

He glared at you as you theatrically fell onto his bed. The notes spread out on his bed flying to the floor. “Oh, woe is me! Jung Jaehyun cannot give me the time of day to rehearse. What am I to do?”

“Why are you like this?” 

“I’m a theatre student, I’m wired to be this obnoxious,” you said with a straight face. 

He stared at you through narrowed eyes. “I really hate you right now.”

“I know,” you countered with a flat tone. “But in all seriousness, Jaehyun. I won’t take too much of your time. I just wanted to practice our duets a couple of times and then I’ll be out of your hair. Plus, you look like you need a break.”

One look at you and he was a goner. How could he ever say no to his best friend?

“Ugh, fine.”

“Ha, I knew you would cave.”

“Shut up.”

The next hour with you was spent rehearsing the numbers. During the last run-through, Jaehyun suggested going over the blocking and putting their all in it. To act like it was opening night. You swiftly agreed and he played the music from the top.

Jaehyun led you around his room, spinning you across the floor as you sang. The smile on your face was so lovely, he could not take his eyes off your lips. His eyes fluttered to a close and he imagined you in your full costume, downed in your gown, as dainty as a daisy and as graceful as a bird. The thought of you dressed like a princess drove him crazy.

He never thought of Naeun this way. This was different. You were different but why?

Jaehyun opened his eyes to see you smiling so gracefully at him as the song was coming to an end. Just as planned in the show, your gaze flitted to his lips. You leaned closer and he followed, dipping his head to meet you halfway. His heart was skipping to its own beat as he inched down. Your soft lips brushed against his oh-so-gently as he held you in his arms but before the boy could press back, the door to his room swung open.

You broke away from him, shocked at the sudden arrival to see your other friend and Jaehyun’s roommate, Dejun. “Oops, was I interrupting something?” 

“I, uh, I gotta go.” Before you could even stop him, Jaehyun grabbed his wallet and phone off his desk and ran out his room. 

Confusion clouded his senses. Why did he feel empty after you pulled away? Why did he want to kiss you so badly? It was just a stage kiss.

Was it not?

Jaehyun’s door slammed shut behind him, leaving me and Dejun in his room. It wasn’t long before we heard the front door close, too. “Well, that was something,” Dejun said after his roommate shuffled out of the apartment.

“Shut up, Xiao Dejun,” I replied, smacking his arm. 

My friend lifted his arms up in defense before he gave me a pointed stare. “I’m just saying, the two of you looked really into it. It looked great, to be honest with you. No notes to give here— I’m sure O’Hare and Lau would say the same.”

“It’s just acting,” I tried to shrug it off. 

“Stop lying to yourself.”

“I’m not!”

“Bulltshit. I saw the way he looked at you— that’s not acting, twerp,” Dejun declared, his voice dropping. His voice never dipped in tone unless he was serious and in that moment, he was dead serious. My friend sounded like a frustrated tutor deliberately explaining a concept for the fifth time and I was the stubborn student who just didn’t understand.

“Yes, yes it is!”

“No, it’s not because that’s how he always looked at you!” 

“Lies!” I yelled accusingly, “We got Liza Minnelli over here!” 

“God, you’re so annoying sometimes! Why won’t you confess? Cat got your tongue? Nothing’s really stopped your sharp tongue before,” Dejun groaned at my stubbornness. He slapped a hand onto my shoulder. I tried to shrug him off but his grip was too strong. Maybe it was him trying to help me get a grip. Who knew? I honestly didn’t. 

“It’s not like I haven’t tried, you know?” An exasperated answer left my lips. I was tired. So ridiculously tired of dealing with these feelings for my best friend. It had been four years since I fell for him. Four years of trying to see other people, four years of trying to confess, and four long years of failing every time.  “I just freeze up like a deer in headlights or like you did when you performed that one monologue sophomore year in voice and movement class. Remember that, Jun?”

I felt his sharp glare burning a hole in my back. “You promised to never talk about that moment, you traitor,” he hissed, his hand squeezing the hell out of my shoulder. 

“Okay yeah but you get the point, right?” My nails dug into his skin, leaving little indents onto his hand. He yelped, finally jerking his hand back to examine it. Shaking my head, I added, “Plus, he’s my best friend. I just can’t do it!”

“So, what you’re saying is that you choose friendship over the possibility of him loving you?” 

“It’s just...I don’t know—” I started, shifting my body to face him, “—choosing friendship means that I’ll only lose love. But if I chose to confess and put my feelings out there, I could lose him as a potential lover and my best friend. I’m not prepared for that. I don’t think I ever will be.”

And there it was again. The self-doubt hit me, imposter syndrome resurfacing at an all time high, bringing me to the lowest of lows. 

The feeling of being a fraud, of being not good enough. 

For Jaehyun. For any love interest for that matter. For the role of Ella. For taking my place under the spotlight. 

“Dejun?”

“Hmm?”

“Am I—am I good enough?”

“For?”

“I—I don’t know—” I stuttered as my mind was consumed by my own crippling thoughts. I tried to stay strong but the crack in my voice gave me away, “—for anything? Everything?” 

“Oh, twerp,” Dejun said in that particular voice and then that was when the floodgates opened. The tears just came pouring down with no sign of stopping. My friend gently pulled me into his comforting arms. They were snug and I felt safe but not as safe as I did in Jaehyun’s hold.

“You, my darling, are definitely good enough. Don’t let your thoughts tell you otherwise.” Although his voice was comforting, it did not help the unhinged thoughts running through my brain. 

“Then, why does it always hurt when I don’t get the role of the leading lady? Of his leading lady? I always get so far and then, at the end of the day, I’m just not what they’re looking for. What he’s looking for.” Pining for something so unimaginable was too taxing. Having the lead role in a play and having Jung Jaehyun wear his heart on his sleeve just for me. 

“Sometimes, the roles aren’t made for you and that’s okay.”

“But what about this one?”

“This one, twerp, this one is a little different.” 

“And why’s that?”

“Because there is music in you; it goes hand in hand with Jaehyun, like a melody to his harmony. You are his Ella and he’s your Topher,” Dejun urged. It was like he was begging me to not give up hope. 

“You’re just saying that.”

“I’m really not. You just gotta do what the theatre gods tell us to do: just trust the process.” 

How could I trust the process when all it did was hurt me by allowing me to have a glimpse of a love and a life that would never be mine? 

Opening night finally arrived. Everyone was called to the theatre for a full run through in the afternoon: the final dress rehearsal hours before the doors opened and the curtains were drawn. I had gotten there earlier to soak in the calmness of the empty auditorium before the chaos began.

I heard heavy footsteps come from behind me. Even without turning around, I knew it to be Jaehyun. The boy took a seat next to me on the wooden prop walls that were locked into the ground. If the stage managers and props committee saw us, they would’ve definitely ripped our heads off but they weren’t— it was just us.  

“Penny for your thoughts, my dear Ella?”

“Topher,” I answered, playing along with his game. “Lovely to see you here bright at early.”

“I knew you would be here and I wanted to be here with you,” he said, pulling me into a side hug. Jaehyun knew me well but did he know me well enough? “Spill it, Forky. What’s wrong?”

“Sometimes I still doubt myself,” I said a little too fast. A loud sigh followed my reveal. The crippling doubt was always there, haunting me. Let me tell you, it was not the best thing in the world to have during an opening for a new production. 

“Oh yeah?” Jaehyun asked, pushing me to continue. I felt the soft brush of his palm against my hand. His fingers grabbed hold of my wrist before fighting their way to tangle with my own fingers. The sensation tickled, taking me away from my thoughts for a fraction of a second. I played with his fingers, watching the way his pinkish hand fit with mine. 

I refused to look at him; I was too afraid of breaking down.“Doubting myself, my abilities. Always the understudy, never the star, remember?”

Jaehyun hummed. He rested his chin on my shoulder. “Did something change?”

“Yeah, I finally realized that maybe it wasn’t that I wasn’t right for the part; the part wasn’t right for me,” I laughed a bit dryly. “Does that make any sense?” 

“Weirdly, yes,” he replied, his breath blowing against my neck. I tried to ignore the tickling sensation and the way it made me feel. 

“But this is different— I feel like I was made to play Ella. Made to play her even though I got the part in this odd, unconventional way,” I turned my head to the side to avoid eye contact. “The girl who sees the good in everything despite the hardships and suffering she went through.”

“Without a doubt, I believe that you belong on stage with me,” Jaehyun answered sincerely, “and I’m glad we have the chance to finally play opposites.” 

He squeezed my smaller palm in support. I appreciated the reassurance; the action slightly calmed me down before she took the next step. Possibly the biggest step of my entire life. “There’s something else I realized, too.”

“Oh yeah, what’s that?” Jaehyun asked softly. 

Taking a deep breath, I said, “I realized that I could be right for you.” 

It took him a minute, a long solid minute before Jaehyun could bring himself to respond to my confession. I wondered what he was thinking at that moment, when those words left my mouth. “Right for me?” came his tentative reply. A quick glimpse at his ears and I saw the burst of red. He was caught off guard, embarrassed. 

“Yeah,” I said almost shamefully. Was I ashamed of my feelings? I never was ashamed before. Maybe it was because Jaehyun finally saw me for who I truly was— his highly dramatic best friend that was head over glass heels for him. 

“How long— how long have you felt this way?” The red of his ears seeped to his rosy cheeks. 

“Ever since we were a dumb pair of utensils,” I replied sincerely, my voice wavering at the truth, “a set of ridiculous tableware.”

There was an awkward chuckle that left his drying lips. I heard him click his tongue, a habit he did when Jaehyun never knew what to say. It seemed like I rendered him speechless. “Since we were sixteen? That long and you didn’t say anything?”

“You’re really asking me that?”

“Yes, I really am!”

“Jaehyun, c’mon. Use your brain! How was I supposed to? You’re my best friend and when you’re not my best friend, you’re out there chasing other girls,” I stopped to lick my drying lips. There was another inkling of silence and I gulped at how tense the atmosphere was. “And I thought maybe once, just once, you would chase after me, too.” 

I almost laughed; my greatest desire was finally out in the world and it was greeted by silence. 

“But what if I’m wrong for you?” 

And there it was. The rejection I was preparing for. Giving him a pained smile that failed to meet my ears, I said, “Then that’s life, I guess.”

“You guess?” 

“Well, I can’t make you act like you’re in love with me, can I?” I snapped, my pain taking the best of me. It clouded my brain, blocking off all rational thoughts out of my head. “This isn’t a play or a movie with a script, Jaehyun. This is real fucking life.” 

Hurt. I was being overwhelmed with a wave of hurt and anguish. My body was trembling as much as my eyes were. I felt them growing wet and I shut them closed. My hands curled into fists, nails digging into my skin. It stung but not as much as being rejected by the one you loved most. The lead of the movie in your mind. 

“Wait, no, that’s not what I meant,” Jaehyun tried to stop me from getting off the stage. I pulled away from him, quickly snatching my belongings before heading to the nearest exit. Turning back around before I left the empty auditorium, I experienced another moment in slow-motion. 

There Jaehyun was in all his glory— denim jacket slipping over his broad shoulders, dark brown hair sticking up in all directions and a confused look on his face. He looked like a mess under the spotlight of my mind but nevertheless, he was my mess of a best friend.

He was my mess of a best friend and that was all he was going to be. That fact hurt more than being the forever understudy. 

Why couldn’t I fast forward this portion of my life? Why must I suffer this much?

Why couldn’t I escape the role of being second best?

If only my life was a movie, then maybe I wouldn’t be everyone’s second choice. His second choice.

If we were in a movie, Jung Jaehyun would be my best friend and my perfect match. Our story would be the typical friends-to-lovers saga that every girl dreams of. It would end happily with the credits rolling to a perfectly timed soundtrack. 

Too bad this wasn’t a movie— this was real life and life came with complications.

After that confrontation, you and Jaehyun were off and not off the charts— just off. The directors noticed it. The stage hands noticed. The cast noticed it. The final run-through before the curtains opened just finished and it was an absolute disaster because of the way you acted with Jaehyun. Every time he opened up his body to you, the response you gave him was closed off. Cold. 

To the rest of the cast and crew, the prince and princess didn’t seem very much in love that day— they didn’t even seem friendly. You and Jaehyun seemed like two strangers trying to work their way across a stage. There was no connection. There was nothing else there. 

Now, if only you would let Jaehyun talk to you, maybe something would change but you didn’t. You ran away every chance you could. It was like Cinderella, but you didn’t leave a glass slipper behind. You didn’t leave anything behind. 

Less than an hour before showtime and he couldn’t even talk to you. Let alone look at you. He sighed into his hand, palms applying pressure to his eyes. Jaehyun cursed under his breath, forgetting that he had a heavy amount of stage makeup on his face. Looking into the mirror, he saw his makeup was still intact. Thank the theatre gods for the Ben Nye Final Seal Setter. It seemed like that it was the only thing set in stone at that moment. 

The door to Jaehyun’s dressing room slammed open and Dejun waltzed in, fully dressed in his costume.“Dude, what was up with you and the twerp during that dress rehearsal? You were so off!”

He received no reply, Jaehyun was too zoned out to hear. Dejun hopped onto the counter of Jaehyun’s dresser. Usually, the action would shock the main lead but Jaehyun was too lost in thought.“Well, you know what they say about a bad dress rehearsal. That means we’ll have a good opening night,” Dejun said, eyeing his friend for his lack of response.

Finally looking away from his reflection, Jaehyun glanced up at Dejun with a look of disbelief. “She likes me?”

His friend jumped off the counter with widened eyes.“Oh my god, did she finally confess? Was that why you were acting weird?”

“Dejun, you knew?” Jaehyun slammed his palms on his dresser. The makeup products on the tabletop shook, leaving the other guy to wince at the show of strength. 

“Honestly for being the ace of the theatre department, you sure are dumb,” Dejun replied a bit too casually as he leaned into the mirror to examine his appearance. He clicked his tongue upon realizing his cheeks didn’t have enough color. The stage lights would wash him out. The boy reached for Jaehyun’s pink blush and a clean wedge before applying it onto the apples of his cheeks.

“What should I do?”

“Well, Jaehyun, what do you want to do?” Dejun asked, turning side to side to double-check his reflection. 

“I don’t know that’s why I’m asking you!” Jaehyun fired back with vigor, hating how casual his best friend was acting. He was having a before-show crisis and his best friend was calmly stealing his bottle of Ben Nye, spraying his beautifully sculpted face with the setting spray.

“Well, do you like her more than a friend? And what about Naeun?”

“Yes? No? I don’t know! But—”

“But?” His friend asked before hopping onto the countertop. The actor raised his perfectly shaped eyebrows at his friend and Jaehyun had the sudden urge to pluck the beauties they were until Dejun had no eyebrow hair left. When Jaehyun didn’t reply, Dejun repeated his question.

Dropping his head in his hands, Jaehyun hesitantly replied, “There was this moment when I saw her and it was like that thing she always said? The slo-mo thing?”

Dejun’s head perked up. “You saw her in slow motion?” 

“Yeah, it was like time stopped. All I saw was her and then…” Jaehyun thought back to seeing you in a wedding dress. He changed his mind; he didn’t want to talk about his feelings. All he wanted to do was make sure opening night ran as smoothly as possible. Grabbing his white suit jacket for the top of Act One, the boy stood up in an attempt to escape his friend’s sudden peak in curiosity. “Never mind, this is ridiculous. I gotta go, Dejun.” 

“No, you’re not going anywhere until you actually confront your damn feelings,” Dejun said, shoving his friend back in his chair. “Do you like Naeun?”

There was a pause before he answered truthfully: “Yes.”

“Okay, and are your feelings for Naeun stronger than what you have for your best friend?” 

“No,” Jaehyun released another sigh as he leaned back in his chair. A hand reached up to brush through his hair before he remembered that it was gelled back in place. He dropped his hand to rub the back of his neck, not wanting to mess with his looks before places. “I was infatuated with Naeun but with her, god, she’s something else and it took me this long to realize it.”

“How do I know you’re not just saying that?” Dejun questioned, squeezing his friend’s shoulders a bit too tightly. Jaehyun thought his friend was testing him and for a good reason. If he was in Dejun’s position, Jaehyun would’ve grilled his friend, too. “How do I know you’re actually in love with her? Yes, you’re my roommate and best friend but she’s my best friend, too. I can’t let you hurt her if all you feel is something temporary. I can’t let you treat her like those other girls.”

“Because she’s The One, Dejun. I’m certain of it,” Jaehyun snapped back. “When I look at her, I see everything I’ve been searching for. It’s like I was blind for the longest time, you know? She was always just Forky to me back when I didn’t know any better. But now I see and all I see is her— her, with all her flaws. The way she hides her insecurities with her dramatic outbursts. How she picks at her cuticles when she’s nervous or how she always steals my food at home. And the way she just fits with me. I can’t explain it.”

Jaehyun didn’t even give his friend a chance to butt in. He was still rambling on with a fond smile, his mouth running a mile. “She’s been there with me since the beginning, Jun. Before I was this prince of the theatre department, she was there. She’s been there since the beginning and even when I was chasing after girls, she was there at the middle of it all, and fuck, I want to go all the way to the end with her.”

Dejun released his hold on his friend and rolled his eyes. The boy made his way to the door of the dressing room before mumbling under his breath, “God, what is with you two and giving out monologues? I swear, when this is all over, you should become playwrights.”

“What?”

“Never mind me, Jaehyun,” Dejun opened the door and gestured for Jaehyun to follow the path— the path down the hall that led to you. “What are you waiting for? Go get her, we have 30 until Joohyun calls for places!”

“Dejun, it’s much more complicated than that.”

“It’s only as complicated as you make it out to be. Just— just go and talk to her, yeah?”

Jaehyun sighed deeply as he reached your dressing room door. He knocked lightly, running through the lines he wanted to say in his head before you shouted a faint “come in.” The door squeaked open to reveal you, his best friend in the whole entire world, touching up your makeup. The best friend that he was inescapably in love with. You watched him through the mirror as he leaned against the frame with crossed arms. 

“Can we talk after the show? There’s something I need to tell you— it’s important. I don’t think I—um, I have enough time to tell you now,” Jaehyun asked, stuttering through his words. Gone was the confidence he usually bared. The only thing left in him was a scared little boy, afraid of the problem his words may cause. 

The smile he received from you did not reach your ears. “Of course,” you replied curtly before turning away from him. He noted how you were over applying your blush and fidgeting with your costume. You were doing everything in your power to avoid him. 

The tugging of your ear, the biting of your lip, the picking of your cuticles. He saw all your bad habits. You were a ball of nerves and the speaker announced it was ten minutes before places.

“Hey, Forky?”

“Yes, Jaehyun?”

“You know that I believe in you, right? Always?”

There was a twitch at the corner of your lips. “I do.”

“Good,” Jaehyun approached you with caution. You watched him from your mirror, never making direct eye contact as he came closer. He dropped a kiss on the crown on your head, relishing in the way his plush lips against your torn bandana and the lace front wig. “Break a leg, my Ella.”

He observed you through your reflection and took in how beautiful you looked in your rags. You made the rags the costume department designed for you look like riches. 

“Same goes to you, my prince,” he heard you answer in that soft tone.  Again, you had sent him to the skies and the boy was struggling to find his way back down.

When it was time to draw the curtains and light the lights for the first performance of Cinderella, it seemed like everything fell into place.  Jaehyun stared at you across the stage, falling for the way the lights illuminated your figure in that white ball gown. The bright glow brought his attention to your bright grin, that beautiful and radiant smile of yours, that shocked him to his core. 

Jaehyun locked eyes with you and suddenly, he was drowning. He was drowning in your expressive eyes. He was drowning in your overflowing love. 

It was different being across from you in front of a full audience. There was a rush that took over him whenever he saw you and it beat the flurries his heart experienced with his other leading ladies. As you said your lines with that bewitching sparkle in your eye, Jaehyun hated himself for not realizing how much he loved you sooner or how you were never playing pretend. 

But that was okay because Jung Jaehyun loved you now. He loved you in the world you made believe on stage, where he was Prince Topher and you were his Ella, and he loved you in reality where you would always be the fork to his spoon. 

Opening night went smoothly and the roaring applause I received during my final bow sent me to the moon. The way Jaehyun looked at me across the stage with eyes filled with pride and joy blasted me to places I had never been before. I became high on this feeling of being under the burning spotlights. The feeling of wearing the most intricate costume and the way his hand slid into mine for the last bow before the curtains were drawn; it was something I wanted to treasure for the rest of my life.

But with every high came a low— my low hit me when I ran into Jaehyun’s dressing room. I caught him in an embrace with Naeun who gifted my best friend with a rose. She placed a kiss on his cheek, causing his white ears to flush a deep red that rivaled the flower he held. The girl gave him a quick shove of the shoulder before heading to me. 

Her congratulatory statement went in one ear and out the other. I could barely process Naeun handing me a rose of my own before she walked out of the room, the sweet scent of her perfume lingering in her wake. She gave my best friend one more lingering look as she left and it hurt me in so many ways.

“Ready to go?” Jaehyun said, clearing his throat. “Wanna stop by the stage first? Soak in your first opening night as a lead?”

“Why the hell not?” The walk back to the stage was short. It felt different somehow.

“We did it,” I whispered.

“That we did,” he answered back. 

We walked onto the stage together and I could still hear the crowds cheering for me, giving me the standing ovation I earned. It was electrifying, the way the sparks ran through my body. It ran from the top of my head to the tips of my fingers and toes. 

Glancing around the empty auditorium, I pondered aloud, “But do you know what sucks about it all, Jaehyun?”

“What?”

“There’s nothing worse than the feeling of not being chosen and it still hurts that I wasn’t the first choice,” I replied truthfully, “Not as much as before. But I’m learning to get over it. The casting directors saw potential in me.”

“That’s because you do have the potential to be a star. You’re practically glowing right now.” I felt his eyes trained on me, just like they were the entire time we shared the stage. 

Turning abruptly to face him, I said, “You really can’t say that to me, you know?”

“And why’s that?”

“Because it makes my heart beat against my chest and these stupid butterflies come around before I remember that you have never chosen me to be your first choice,” I glared. 

“But I do choose you,” Jaehyun pushed, his voice laced with desperation, “That’s what I was trying to tell you before you stormed off on me earlier!”

“Are you really choosing me, Jaehyun? The real me? The me that has been your best friend for years? Or are you choosing the me that shares a stage with you every night? The me that could potentially be your next whirlwind romance?” No matter how desperate he sounded, he couldn’t beat the hopelessness that was dripping from my own voice. 

“No, that’s not it at all!” his voice boomed, the sound echoing throughout the empty auditorium. 

“Then, what is it, Jung Jaehyun? Because I am tired of being second best and I’m tired of not being chosen,” I almost cried. The anguish was just taking over my body and I couldn’t make it stop. “Yes, I know some parts are not right for me but I can’t help but be hurt. And then you say that you’re choosing me? Of course, I’m going to think of it being because I’m your newest love interest on stage.”

“If you could just listen—”

Unable to stop the words from coming out, I just kept running off at the mouth. Everything I wanted to say to Jaehyun was flying out of my lips at rapid speed; I couldn’t even stop it. “I have seen you in slow motion so many times and I want to just fast forward from those moments. To speed past them so I can move on from the idea of not being yours. I refuse to be a temporary love that you lose interest in. I just want you to pick me, to choose me, and to love me, damn it— is that too fucking much to ask for? To be chosen and loved?”

While I was taking a breath to continue with my rant, Jaehyun cut me off and the words he said rattled the stage, the ground beneath my feet, and my whole entire world.“No, it’s not and you are way fucking more than that, if you just take a moment out of your godforsaken monologue and listen to me! I choose you not because you’re my leading lady but because you’re you. You’ve always been this— this incredible, breathtaking you.” 

He took one step closer and I took one step back. “And you’ve the person at my side when no one else is.” 

Every single time I would retreat, Jaehyun would follow. The boy was persistent, his brown eyes trained on me. “The one who figured out you loved me first while I was too blind to see it. You’re the fork to my spoon. We’re a set, we go together. And I was too dumb to figure out that at the end of the day, I always think about you and how no one I’ve ever been with compares to you.”

 When my back hit the wall, I was trapped. Trapped in between his arms and the way they propped themselves on either side of my face. Trapped in the haze of his brown eyes and how they dug deep into my soul. 

 “I don’t see you in slow motion— I see you in fast forward. I see you in the future, my future, walking down the aisle in white and I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. All I know is that I choose you. I will always choose you.”  

I was trapped by Jung Jaehyun and there was no escape for me. Judging by the way his eyes never let me out of his sight, there was a chance my friend didn’t want to let me go either. He wanted me to stay. 

“Jaehyun, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I love you. You’re my beginning, middle, and my end.”

“You love me? Like you’re in love with me?” Jaehyun heard you ask, like the possibility of being loved by him was so impossible. You were searching for any inkling of doubt but he made sure you couldn’t find any because you were the only thing he could see. 

Jaehyun brought a hand near your cheek. It hovered there as he hesitated to touch it to your skin until you leaned into his touch. Your cheek felt so warm in his palm and it was so comforting to have you in his hold. “I wanted to say it earlier but I was just so scared of losing you as both a lover and a friend because what if it all goes to shit? What if we go to shit and things hit the fan? I can’t lose you.” 

“But you, Jung Jaehyun, are in love with me?” you repeated as your hand cupped his own. The smile you gave him was bright enough to light up the stage. 

“Yeah, I thought I made that clear. I’m sorry, did I mumble that line?” he teased playfully, trying to coerce a giggle out of you. “Should I start the scene over?”

“No, no. I’m just—” you paused and he watched you recollect your thoughts. His glittering brown eyes were trained on you as the words processed in your head. “You love me,” you laughed in disbelief. 

Jaehyun took a step closer, his hand tentatively reaching out to stroke your face. He sighed in relief as you relaxed into his touch. “You’re my number one girl. I choose you.” 

“Well, it’s a good thing that even after all this time, I’ve always chosen you, too.”

Once those words left your lips, he couldn’t hold himself back. Wrapping his arms around your waist, Jaehyun pulled you against his chest and smashed his lips against yours. Yes, he had kissed you on multiple occasions prior to this— onstage and off— but this time was different than the rest.

 This was the first time he really kissed you after your feelings were out in the open.

The first time he kissed you and finally felt the love you harbored for so many years. Jaehyun just hoped you could sense the love he was pouring out for you, too. 

He did not want to let you go but he was struggling to breathe. You were so lovely, everything about you was so incredibly lovely, and to have you in his arms was the best feeling in the universe. Everything around him turned dark and he felt the warmth of a spotlight and the flush of your body against him. The entire world was spinning beneath his feet, his heart racing, and his lips chasing you and only you. 

Jaehyun did not understand why people did drugs— the high of being so ardently in love with another person, with you, gave him the high that he needed. 

He felt you hit his chest in an attempt to end the kiss but Jaehyun did not want to stop. A light shove to his shoulders was enough to separate his lips from yours and what a sight you were— chest panting heavily for air, lips plumped and swollen, and the prettiest set of eyes widened in shock.

“You kissed me!” you said in between pants. “Like not a stage kiss but you actually kissed me!”

“That I did, love,” Jaehyun replied cheekily, taking another step towards you. You stepped back to lean against the wall but did nothing to stop him from coming forward. “Are you gonna do something about it?” 

The look in your eyes changed after you heard his new nickname for you. It was coy. Flirty. Challenging. “Do it again, I dare you,” you whispered a bit too loudly. 

Before Jaehyun closed the distance, his eyebrow perked up at the challenge. “Gladly.”

Senior year was there before we knew it. 

Another year, another posting day. 

Dejun, Jaehyun, and I swiftly made our way down the hall to the front of the theatre department, curious to find out which roles we were given. The spring production and the final musical of our college career was Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. 

Callbacks for Belle went as smooth as ever— the chemistry between Jaehyun and I were off the charts. But why wouldn’t they be? We were together now. 

Just like any other time, the crowds gathering around the cast list and bulletin board parted immediately once they caught a glimpse of Jaehyun approaching. The only difference was that this time, he was tightly clutching my hand. 

When we arrived in front of the board, I shut my eyes before I could read the cast list. An anxious buzz flowed through my veins, tickling the tips of my fingers and toes. My boyfriend must’ve felt the twitching of my fingers or the sweat dripping off my palms. 

I felt his body shift towards me. “Want me to take a peek first, love?” Jaehyun asked as he pressed his plump lips onto the crown of my head. He nuzzled his nose into my hair, a small but sweet action that always comforted me. 

Shaking my head, I looked at him and said, “No, why don’t we look together?”

“On three?” he grinned lovingly.

“On three, you dumb spoon.”

The countdown was quick but the glance I took at the cast list was even quicker. It was so quick, I almost didn’t catch who was put into the role of Belle. Taking a double take, I let go of Jaehyun’s hand as my eyes zeroed in onto the tiny print. 

Everything around me came to a stop as I read and re-read the cast list. Everyone around me was celebrating their parts but I couldn’t hear them, they were all muted in my mind. All I could hear was the sound of my own breaths  and all I could see my name on the top of the page. 

Belle……………..Y/N The Beast……..Jung Jaehyun

“Oh my god, I got the part,” I whispered to no one in particular. Backing away from the board, I repeated the same words a little louder and it got the attention of everyone surrounding me. Before I knew it, everyone threw a congratulations my way. The cheers were loud and obnoxious but they were for me because I did it. I finally did it.

Feeling a little overwhelmed, I backed away from the blustering crowd before bumping into my boyfriend’s firm chest. Jaehyun caught me in his hold, his arms circling around my waist. He dropped his chin on my shoulder and placed a tender kiss on my temple. “Would you look at that? We’re not a ridiculous set of tableware this time.”

“No disrespect to those parts, they were awesome, but I think I like this a lot more,” I giggled, turning in his hold. 

As I circled my arms around his neck, he whispered, “Same here.”

I yanked him down into an earth-shattering kiss that sent the world spinning beneath my feet. It slowed down, speeded up, and it did everything in between. I saw flashes of yellow ball gowns, royal blue coats, and Jaehyun smiling at me gracefully across the stage. 

Jaehyun staring me down from the other end of an altar. 

I saw it all. 

If my life was a movie, then this would be the time that the screen would fade to black and show the names. Some overly poppy song would resonate through the speakers and everyone would get up from their seats and gush over the happy ending.

But it wasn’t. My life was as real as it could be and it was even better than any romantic-comedy that would ever grace the screen. 

This wasn’t the ending. 

This was the perfect beginning. 

AUTHOR’S NOTE. hello, my darling readers! you really didn’t have to wait that long for this release, did you? a big thank you to several people: @johtenrecs for always being my beta and for the helpful feedback, to my chaotic gc ( @smoll-tangerine, @ppangjae, @jaedore​, and @jeongvision) for listening to me complain about how i was losing it while writing this fic, to @suhpressed​ for helping me with brainstorm, and lastly, to my lovely @notnctu bc without her and our crazy idea of hosting a hannah montana collab, i wouldn’t have gotten this idea! love y’all! hope you enjoyed this and please leave feedback! uwu

TAGLIST. @yasmini24 @jaehyunnie77 @emmybyeakitty @fluffyjaes @aevizen @dearjaehyxn @yourmagnanimousholiness @jaehyvnsvalentine @keemburley @softieus @lanadreamie @lebrookestore  @notmangojuice @felixn-recs @captainsjoongs @anotherfullsun @ukiyoneo @kunrengui​ @babyyynatty​ 

© sehunniepotwrites, 2021

[stuckwthem]

hii! can i request a chris evans x reader fic where he’s sick and the reader takes care of him... that’s when he knew he’s in love with her! 💗 love love love your fics!

hii!! thank you so much for your request! it's the first one that i get and write, it makes me so happy knowing that u like my writing so i hope you like it as well!! <33

also i wrote this listening to la la land soundtrack i'm broken send help 😔

chris realizing he's in love with you.

[chris evans x reader]

warning: none i guess, just pure fluff :)

authors note: hey! english it’s not my first language, sorry for any spelling mistake!

requests are open! send me your and i will gladly write it!

the sun's rays meet your face as soon as the day dawns, and normally, you would get in a fussy mood, but as soon as you feel the warm body by your side, all mist of bitterness vanishes.

you look up, seeing the most beautiful vision to wake up to. chris was sleeping peacefully and looking so comfortable that you couldn't wake him up, so just admiring was enough. after missing chris while he was away filming, every moment like this was worth it.

it was so easy to get lost in his details, his perfect and fluffy blonde messed up hair to his nude chest. and all you wished was that you could lay by his side again and just relax for the rest of the day in your safe heaven in his arms, but it was monday, and you had work waiting for you.

the alarm clock ringing in your cellphone on the nightstand made you leave the daydreaming, getting up quickly to turn it off before chris wake up with the noise, but it was too late. you felt his hands already grabbing your waist, pulling you back to the bed, as he asked you to stay for a little while more.

"can you just lay here with me for some minutes before i miss you for the rest of the day?" he said with his raspy morning voice, looking into your eyes.

"hm i really wish i could, baby" you answered, automatically smiling at his adorable "just-woke-up" face.

in these moments, you just felt the luckiest girl in the world in the arms of this perfect guy, in every sense. it wasn't like you two were dating, but it was a thing going for some months now, and was pretty comfortable, with no pressure and a lot of affection.

chris skimmed gently your back as you were lying on his chest, chills went through your spine, and he laughed softly when he realized how you shivered under his touch. it was just how your body reacted to him, almost exactly how you were feeling inside, and u felt embarrassed at first.

"what are you laughing at, sir?" you said faking sounding mad, scrunching your eyebrows at him, trying to brush it off.

"it's just that you're adorable" he replied with a smile, tucking your hair behind your ear.

"oh, stop that chris! you already have me on your bed" you could feel your body betraying you as your cheeks started to blush. he laughed again, and you felt his body trembling under yours, he was always so extra.

"i'm a romantic guy, okay?" he sounded offended and put his hands on his chest, trying to show how hurt he was. "but seriously, don't think that i'm doing this just to-"

your alarm started to ring again, interrupting him and you felt the relief of not getting in a serious conversation that could make things awkward. you were so scared of losing what you two have, so it was ok the way things were going for now.

"alright, i have to go now" you said getting up quickly. it was a true torture to leave him, but it was needed.

his eyes followed you around the room indiscreetly, always smirking at you as you changed your clothes and got ready for the day. you tried your best to pretend u weren't seeing the way he was watching you, but your mind couldn't stop cursing at him and how you wanted to join him again on that warm bed.

"you look beautiful" chris said as you approached to say goodbye. you rolled your eyes not knowing how to react and smiled automatically. you bend down to kiss him on the forehead, but as soon you did you could feel the overheat.

"hey, are you okay?" you asked worried looking to him, putting your hand on the place you just kissed, checking again. "i think you have a fever"

he sniffed quickly, not answering your question and looked at you kinda guilty. you took the blankets above him, to not make him warmer and he protested, trying to cover his body again like a lazy child.

"i'll get the thermometer, do you know where's it?" you asked promptly, walking towards the door.

"nah, i'm okay y/n, don't need to worry! you will be late at work" he said with a nasal voice probably because of a stuffy nose, about to get up, but you stopped him.

"you're clearly not okay, chris! i can call there and-" you started to say nervously and scratching the back of your neck before he interrupted you.

"i won't let you miss your day, i promise, its nothing, honey"

you sighed heavily and looked at him again, crossing your arms in front your chest, starting to get mad with how stubborn he could be.

"it's fine, i want to take care of you so is better you let me do it, christopher! i won't leave your sick ass crawling all day"

he couldn't help giggle softly about how mad you sounded, and gave up trying to push you away. he looked at you with disbelief on his face, nodding accepting the fact that you're going nowhere.

"is in the second drawer of the bathroom" he shrugged and lay in the bed, resting his weak body.

as you walked towards the bathroom you could hear him coughing, what made you presume he was probably with some flu and maybe some tea would help for now. so after you got the thermometer, you went straight to the kitchen, preparing some honey and lemon tea, hoping that it could make him a bit better.

"wow, you could be my particular nurse" chris said with a smirk when you entered the room, and even when he was a bit off he was still flirting with you all the time.

you giggled offering the cup of tea and he grabbed as you already was putting the thermometer under his arm. chris sipped the hot liquid giving you some approval looks and then put the mug on the nightstand.

"i can't believe you're doing this" he muttered, biting his lips trying to hold a smile.

"why wouldn't i?" you asked rhetorically, smiling at him with pressed lips.

"i mean, you actually care about me enough to be doing this" he rested his head at the headboard, breaking eye contact to look at some random point in the room.

"of course i do! you just being the good old drama queen chris evans that i know" you two laughed with the assumption, but he seemed to be a bit more serious.

you took the thermometer off when it tingled, looking at the numbers worried but at the same time glad that you were correct and could prove it to his stubborn ass.

"104ºF, you're burning! i'll grab a wet towel to put in your forehead, drink your tea!"

you went to do what you just said, returning to his side fast as possible to take care of him.

"i'll make some soup later, you need to rest more, babe. for now, i'll make a breakfast for us" you said carefully and as you put the towel on his head he closed his eyes, whispering something. you furrowed your browns, not understanding.

"what?" you questioned, truly curious and he grabbed your arm, pulling you close.

"i love you" chris opened his eyes, looking deep into your soul as you stand there sitting on the bed by his side, completely static. too shocked to say or do anything. "i have never been so sure of anything in my life, you just make things a million times better every time you're just standing by my side and i never wanna lose this feeling that fortunately is eating me alive. you're the first thing i think when i wake up and the last when i sleep. and you just made me realize this with the way you take care of me so gently, the way you worry with me, the way every single move or thing about you makes me being so desperately addicted to you, it's true, everything indicates that i'm in love with you."

you felt your stomach froze and some pressure above your head making you dizzy. you just couldn't believe what you just heard he was saying so effortlessly. your mouth opened and closed multiple time as you were trying to find the right words.

"say something please" he said in a pleading tone, squeezing your hand, bringing you back to earth, making you feel the impact of his past words once again.

"i...i love you" you declared, feeling your cheeks hurts with how big you was smiling "chris, i never felt so lucky to have someone to be my person, and you are this person. and i don't even know what to say right now with you looking me like that, all i want is to every single day feeling the way i feel right now."

"you don't have to say or do nothing more, honey. just lay here with me and i'm sure that i will feel better"

he didn't need to ask twice. you snuggled beside him, holding his body close, feeling so full and overwhelmed just like him. chris put his arms around you again and you could feel his heart beating so fast just like yours, the rush of emotions going through your bodies like a hurricane.

"i wanna be yours, y/n." he whispered in your ear, stroking your hair slowly. "just to have you taking care of me like that every day and i will do the same"

[ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm]

I’m sort of unfairly venting at you but you’re one of the few people I follow who has been posting MCR stuff and I also want to be really excited for it all because I spent many years of my adolescence loving them. But my best friend as a teen was really awful to me and MCR was our thing and I can’t help but associate them with her. I will always love them but that ex-friend who wasn’t really my friend of course, bullied me and took advantage of me and tried to make my life hell when I didn’t submit to her manipulation. The good memories I have of this person usually have to do with MCR. It’s been many years but I still feel like she tainted my love for the band because even those good memories circle back to the bad. I just want to enjoy MCR again without her being on my mind whenever I listen to them. Again I’m sorry for venting at you out of the blue. You seem so lovely and like someone who is probably a really great friend. You don’t have to respond, just typing it out into a void is helping me process it some more I think

Hi anon! Thank you for sharing this experience with me. I'm very sorry this person ruined - or came close to ruining - something special for you and I'm sorry that they didn't treat you well.

When I was very young I got into what would eventually turn into my longest relationship ever. Like I'm sure a lot of relationships of other myopic cerebral teens, it prominently centered around music. In a disgustingly pretentious, mu-core, last.fm weekly listening chart, basement gigs and latest disks from japan sort of way. I wasn't doing very well the first time we got together, though - and neither were they, but I think it was their disposition that was affecting me so much. One of the first bands I associated with this person was the Jesus and Mary Chain, specifically Psychocandy but also their other records. For some reason - and this was in the bleak, wet, mid 2000s continental winter - I could feel this person's strange growing resentment for me, their own apathy and dissatisfaction with life, their resignation. And all of that culminated in me developing this very strange physical reaction to JAMC! When I think about it now, it's still not funny, but: I would actively start to get nauseous within a few seconds of any of their songs. Now, JAMC make very rumbly shoegaze and the vocals sound sort of like someone yelling at you from a tunnel in Glasgow through the folds of time, so it really could have just been that they're my own brand of brown noise and that that's why it made me want to lose my lunch, but - whatever, it was still a big, weird thing. This would happen even if I listened to them accidentally, even if I thought about the melodies a lot, anything.

A very long time after all of that, I left my house on a burning hot summer day and as I was leaving my courtyard, I clicked on Honey's Dead on my phone. I don't know why I did, it may have been an accident, but in the time I crossed the tiny street from my house to the sidewalk on the other side, that stupid nauseous feeling came, my stomach lurched, and then- nothing. It just sort of settled at the top of my throat, a little, and as I was walking in this bright noon sun, I realized I could handle that feeling. I could bring it with me, until the next crosswalk, until the next turn. And as I made my way aimlessly through the city, every song would push that choking feeling down until eventually I just - swallowed it. And it was gone. Years of weird gentle torture, years of having to literally run out of films that had their songs in the soundtrack or bars that decided it was that kind of night, all gone now.

Why am I telling you about all this - not to draw any parallels with your own lasting discomfort around MCR, but to say: I think our relationships with people complicate our relationships with stuff, because we give periods and people in our lives ownership of the things we're engaging with at the time. And of course everything in life is people first, what else could it be? But, in the absence of the offending relationship, it might be worth considering that you can start over with this thing you love. That you can have a separate relationship lead only by your own heart, because things are just there waiting for you to decide what they are.

I hope you find your way back to MCR without the weight of this, anon! A fun fresh start might be rewatching their doc, Life on The Murder Scene, because it makes you fall in love with them as individuals! Good luck 💗

[yoonpobs]

cold | pjm

pairing: park jimin x oc

genre: fluff, slight tsundere jimin, just cuteness tbh

words: 3, 339

summary: where jimin is ice cold but he wants you to warm him up (not in the way you think)

When Jimin pulls away for the first time in a year since you’ve met him during your movie nights, you suspect that something’s up. But, you also know Jimin—he would have said something to you if there was.

You raise an eyebrow at him, “You good?”

Jimin sighs at you, frustrated and you can’t help but feel confused at the sudden shift of atmosphere. You thought picking La La Land was a good choice, but you suppose that since Jimin was a little emotionally constipated he didn’t like it as much.

“I’m not, actually.” He declares, tugging off the blanket that covered both of your lower halves and withdrew from the warmth that settled into the couch.

“Do you—” You contemplate on asking because being Jimin’s friend meant respecting certain boundaries, and you weren't intending to be that friend that stuck their nose in his business.

You choose to remain silent and purse your lips and settle back into the couch, though it felt a little empty without Jimin bunched up next to you. But he was an enigma of unopened thoughts, and the time you spent navigating the course of your friendship in the first few months was ... heavy.

He’d never tell you anything, let alone allow you to indulge in the greatness that was his mind. You’d always hear from Namjoon how much he looks up to and respects Jimin’s way of thinking and mindset, but you rarely get to see that part of him. Sometimes, you felt more of a seat-warmer than a friend. You appreciate him, nonetheless.

“Aren’t you going to ask me about it?” He pries you.

You shrug, covering yourself with the blanket in hopes that it masks your vulnerability and insecurity, too.

“I know you.” You tell him, “You don’t like being questioned unless you say something about it first.”

He purses his lips in a straight line and looks at you ... like he really looks at you. So much that you feel his eyes burning into the side of your head; as if he was attempting to unravel your mind and dig into its deepest depths to understand its content.

“I don’t …” He says after looking at you, head-turning to face the television. Was La La Land seriously still relevant now?

“But I’m asking you to ask me.” He says, and the look of surprise on your face doesn’t disappoint. You gaped at him, forgetting the fact that Ryan Gosling looked really handsome on the screen—because Jimin had just prompted you to ask him about his … feelings.

“I—I don’t understand …” You say, dumbly. He rolls his eyes at you, and you’re familiar with his expression because it’s the one he usually has when he wants to call you an idiot.

“Ask me how I feel.”

You open your mouth, then close it. Your words fail you because the entire situation was sprung onto you so unexpectedly, and you suddenly feel self-conscious about everything. Was this Jimin’s way of assessing you as a friend and throwing you to the curb after a year of being platonically involved with one another?

As if he could hear the millions of thoughts running in your head, he turns to you and grabs your cheeks in between his large palms, and this time you actually short-circuit.

Your intimacy with Jimin stopped at sitting next to each other during movie nights and embracing the warmth that your bodies radiated. Maybe even the occasional accidental brush of fingers when he hands you something, but besides that—Jimin was conservative with his touches.

You can’t lie and say that your heart doesn’t react differently, because for the most part of your friendship you’ve suppressed any romantic feelings that you had or could have had for Jimin. Mostly out of self-preservation because Jimin was just … Jimin.

Cold, aloof but still someone that cared deeply. Yes, he was emotionally constipated when it came to his own feelings, and yes —his gaze more often than not had you cowering in fear. But he never made you feel uncomfortable. Even in the silences, you spent with one another you felt safe. Home.

Not to mention, his entire brooding and stoic persona hit it really well with the women on campus—and the fact he was obscenely attractive. He and you were the types of people that remained just as friends. And suddenly, that could end tonight, too.

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” He hums, eyes chasing your own but you divert your attention away from him because your eyes tell.

You shake your head, “I’m just confused.”

And confused you were because this was a territory that was unheard of for you—much less for Jimin. If only you could telepathically speak to Namjoon right now because you had no idea what to do or say.

“Well, I’ll keep it simple for you,” He says, “ Ask me how I feel.”

He doesn’t ask you anymore, instead, he insists—as if there was a preconceived answer for you already in the back of his head. Maybe this was how he softened the blow.

“No.” You push him away, flustered. “I won’t let you friend break up with me like this!”

He raises an eyebrow at the sudden rise of voice you admitted, “I like being your friend even if you don’t—and—and I know that yeah, consent matters—but I do not consent to be friend broken up with.”

He listens to you, and his face is still in its signature blankness and you nearly scream at how you wished he’d display a little emotion or a reaction to your blow up. But it seems that between the two of you, you were the emotionally unstable one.

“I know I can be annoying and all over the place and loud but ...” You immediately opt to self-deprecate yourself because nothing could triumph the way it felt to do it yourself than have him say it to your face, “... you’re not allowed to leave me. Ever .”

You fold your arms across your chest and look away because what the fuck did you just do and your face was undebatably on fire right now.

As if he’s noticed the way your eyes widen in realisation, he holds you again—but this time he pulls you closer to his chest until you are forced to look up at him with your flushed cheeks.

“Silly girl.” He hums and you whine.

“What!”

“I have to do everything myself, hm?” He tucks a strand of stray hair behind your ears and it was instinctual for you to pull away because you’ve never felt Jimin like this before. Close, and warm—and all yours.

“Jimin I don’t understand— mpf!” And it was like a scene straight out of a romcom, and you nearly forget that La La Land was still running in the background. You felt like the main character of your own movie, and Jimin was the protagonist's love interest because he kissed you.

Jimin was kissing you.

Kissing. Like lip-locking. Sharing saliva. With you.

He pulls away too soon for your liking, but you gape at him like a fish out of water.

“You—” You stutter, and he chuckles. You feel it more than you hear it because his chest was resting against your cheek.

“Do you understand now?”

You shake your head, “... you feel bad for me?”

He snorts.

“I don’t know if you’re actually this much of an idiot, or are you just hopeless in the romantic department?” He says, and you open your mouth in the offense, ready to defend yourself but he hugs you closer to him and all you could feel was him.

“Excuse me? I’m not an idiot.”

“I just kissed you and you thought I felt bad for you.”

You huff, “What am I supposed to feel! You never speak about your emotions to me, and the most I’ve ever got out from you was a chuckle from the time where I slipped in front of the entire campus during freshers week.”

“That was when we met, yes.” He hums, “Why did you think I’ve been with you ever since?”

You still looked confused and Jimin internally sighs at the way he let himself fall for a dense excuse of a human being like you.

“Cause … you felt 'bad for me?”

"Just because you air-quote it doesn't make it any different from what you said earlier ____."

He groans, “No you dumbass—it’s cause no one makes me feel things the way you do. Strange weirdo who slipped on absolutely nothing, and as a friend who forces me to watch shitty romcoms like La La Land.”

“La La Land is not shitty!” You gasp.

He blinks.

“Is that all you got from what I said?”

“La La Land is phenomenal! All from the artistic production, to the soundtrack—so I don't know why people keep shitting on it because personally I really enjoyed—” But he kisses you again, and you melt into him immediately.

This time he lingers for a bit longer, and when he pulls away you grab onto his shirt to keep him close. You realise your mistake and suddenly push him away, but his hold on you was tight enough to resist your poor attempt.

“I like you, dummy.” He says, and you gasp.

“Nooo.” You say in disbelief.

“I like you.” He emphasises again, and you gasp. Again.

“No, you don’t.” You tell him, and he sighs—knowing that this was going to take a while.

“I do.”

“You don’t.”

“I do .”

“Nope.”

“ Yes .”

“Nuh-uh—!”

He clamps his hand over your mouth and glares at you.

“Me. Park Jimin—likes you, ____ ____, and yes —I can’t believe I like a complete idiot like you, but I do because you fucked up and made me like you from the moment you embarrassed yourself in front of everyone so bad that it was probably the hardest I’ve ever cringed in my life—”

“Hey!”

“—but you quite literally stumbled into my life with your whirlwind of emotions and you made me feel things that I’ve tried to avoid my entire life.” He holds your chin between his thumb and finger so you’d look at him. And you know that Jimin never lies, but something in your heart doesn't allow you that moment of happiness for yourself.

“But I'm annoying …” You say, a little unsure. Jimin simply looks at you, and you're frustrated again at the lack of emotion on his face.

“Yes, you are.” Is all he says, and you gape at his audacity.

You huff, throw the blanket off your body and make way to grab at your belongings that lay idle on the floor next to the couch. You pulled away from Jimin who attempted to grab at your wrist and glare at him so vehemently that he looked taken aback.

“This isn't a joke.” You tell him, and you hoped you looked as strong as you sounded because you felt played. Jimin didn't do this—you were just the clumsy freshmen that somehow befriended him, and he had no way out of it. So you decided to give him a way out on your own.

“Wait—of course, it's not—where are you going?” He exasperates when you make a beeline go to his door. You've never seen Jimin move as quickly as he did, but he manages to secure a tight grip on your elbow.

You try to shove him aside all while you felt like an immense idiot for allowing yourself to feel this way. To feel so human, and raw when you were with Jimin when he hadn't shown an inkling of emotion even when he declared that he ‘liked’ you.

“____—what’s wrong? Is it because I kissed you without asking you? I'm sorry but— ” He apologises and you groan.

“Stop treating me like this!” You yell at him to cut him off, “I know I'm clumsy, and a ditz—but I have feelings and it's not cool how you're doing all of—” You gesture to the hand on your elbow and to your lips, “— this, making me feel things that I shouldn't be feeling.”

“You're missing the point—!”

“Am I Jimin?” You exasperate, and he lets go of you for a moment to allow you space. “You've never shown any sign that you liked me for the past year of being friends, and now you're telling me you do?”

You scoff, “If you wanted out of this friendship, here it is.”

You reach to his doorknob with your back turned towards him, but Jimin was far stronger than you and reached out at the same time; essentially locking you into your position with nowhere to go.

“Just let me go,” You sigh, “I'm giving you your out.”

Jimin turns your body to face him and you avoid his stare. He was taller than you so being locked against the door was a little intimidating, given the fact that Jimin’s stare was nothing short of intimidating.

“Why would I want out?” He asks you, and you blink at him as if he's grown a second head.

“Now you're just treating me like I'm stupid .” You pout, “Did you not hear what I said? I know I'm annoying and I'll get out of your hair, just let me go—!”

You pull at his wrist but he holds you tighter and uses his other hand to softly grab at your cheeks to look at him. You stare at him with wide eyes and mouth scrunched like a fish, and you're sure this doesn't look the least bit flattering at all.

“Dude!”

“Please don't dude me after I just said I liked you.” He grimaces, then sighs.

He proceeds to clamp his hand over your mouth, “Now I need you to listen to me. And I mean— really listen. Not the thing that you do where you completely ignore my point and go on some childish rampage of how I think you’re annoying and want out.”

You glare at him.

He sighs, “I don't know how explicit I have to be—but I like you. I like your presence, I like hanging out with you—and I want to date you. I want everything that's in the book of romance and relationships with you.”

Your eyes widened and you attempt to speak but he clamps down harder than you whine.

“I know I'm an emotionless brick but I've been with you for the past year and my physical presence is the way I show you that I like you.”

You blink.

“And, I don't know if you've noticed but I've been inviting you over every fortnight just to cuddle up next to you to watch movies that are cheesy as fuck because I know that it makes your heart flutter—” He looks straight into your eyes and you're sure he can feel the heat of your cheeks on his hand.

“—I didn’t say this earlier because I was under the impression that you were aware and that we were kind-of-dating but not really— clearly, I was wrong.”

You manage to rip his hand off in his moment of weakness and gasp, “Kind-of-dating? Since when did that even happen?!”

He pointedly looks at you, “You have a toothbrush at my place, half of your closet is in mine—you walk my dog when I'm not home, and I buy your favourite cereal when I do groceries.”

“But—”

“Nope—the only reason I explicitly told you tonight because it was now clear to me that you weren't aware—” He gestures to your frazzled state, “—and that you said you were going out with Taehyung. Alone. To a pizza parlour.”

You barely manage to respond because he exasperates, “Do you know how datey a pizza parlour is?”

You gape at him, “Well excuse me! I didn't even know we were kind-of-dating until a minute ago!”

He glares at you, “And you didn't even believe me when I told you I liked you.”

You fold your arms across your chest, “Obviously. You don't even hold my hand, and you've never kissed me until tonight.”

You punch his shoulder and he hisses, “You didn't even formally ask me out!”

“You’re a scaredy-cat and if I did ask you out you’d probably run away from me!” He exasperates with his hands in the air.

“I’m not a scaredy-cat and I won’t run away!” You argue back and you were suddenly aware of how close he was to you.

You look up at him and notice how pretty his eyelashes were, and how he does look at you with an intimacy that you've only seen for yourself. The look that he reserved for you.

“I'm asking you out now,” He whispers, cupping your cheek.

“Date me. Be with me.”

You scoff, “God. Can’t you even be a little romantic? It’s like you’re demanding me to be with you.” You respond petulantly like a child.

He groans, “I'm not going to grovel you if that's what you're expecting.”

“Tell me why then.”

He raises an eyebrow.

You clear your throat and fiddle with your thumbs, a nervous tick you have.

“Tell me why you like me.”

Jimin stares at you and you want to complain about his stoic expression but he cups your cheeks in his hands a little harder and forces you to really look at him—as if his face held all the answers.

And when you did, you see the desperation behind his eyes, the dedication that he possesses only for you. The way he looks at you like he's meant to prove something to you, and then everything made sense to you—he wasn't inexpressive—you were just too caught up in your own world that you never noticed.

“Jimin—” Your voice cracks but he shushes you, softly.

“Listen to me, okay?” He asks of you and you gently nod.

“I like you because you're here,” He starts off and you were about to scoff but he speaks again knowing your predetermined reaction, “You’re present— always. I don't mean just because we're always together, but because even when we're texting you're there. You're involved.”

“You're expressive in ways that don't need words to tell me anything, which is why I know you like me too.”

“Cocky, much?” You scoff but the burn on your cheeks give the truth away

He smiles a little before continuing, “But that's not it—I like you because you're patient. You stuck with me being emotionally constipated for the first half of our friendship, and yet you're still here.”

“Even though you nearly ran out of here spewing some bullshit about me taking you as a joke—”

“Okay … I may have blown it out of proportion.”

“—but I wouldn't want to have you any other way. Even if it took me literally trapping you against a door for you to listen.”

You melt into his touch and look up at him, “Do you really like me?”

“I really do.” He affirms you, and you tug him closer to bury your head into his chest.

“Can you hold my hand next time?” You ask, softly. And he chuckles against the top of your head, caressing it gently.

“Of course. That's the only way you won't run away from me next time, right?” He teases.

You whine.

“I'm never going to let you go.” He tells you, “You're pretty like this—all mine .”

You smile up at him and Jimin swears his heart melts to be rebuilt whole by you again.

“But you called me an idiot ...”

“Two things can be true at the same time.”

You gasp, “Rude—!”

He shuts you up with a kiss more passionate, and a lot more eager that has your head spinning.

When he pulls away, you feel your heartbeat a little faster—especially at the string of saliva that connects your mouths.

“Mine,” He says. You can't help but nod.

His.

[organic-sprolden]

So I watched the Dear Evan Hansen movie.

Here are my basic thoughts.

I cried 3 times, and it probably would've been more if I didn't know what was coming. Although, "I didn't fall, I let go" will always get me, even if I knew what was happening and exactly when.

I liked the fact that they had a lot of the original lines from the musical because it was just so much more quotable for me and likely every other DEH fan.

I was hesitant about the new songs at first, and disappointed at the loss of the classic Good For You, Anybody have a map and Disappear (not To Break In A Glove though, that song can burn.) but in context, A Little More and Anonymous Ones were pretty great.

I really loved the new ending where we see Connor in rehab singing his song, I love how we were able to see more of just him.

Not him through the perspective of others.

Also the ending when Evan confesses what he did was sweet I suppose, but there still weren't any repercussions for his actions. Which I'm pretty sure was the whole point if them adding in that scene, rather than having the Murphy's take the entire fall.

Honestly though, I don't mind it, It's not like I wanted Evan to get all the hate in the world. I just thought that if they went through the trouble of changing the story, they'd add some actual conflict.

I was wondering why they changed the setting of each of the songs. (for example, Waving Through The Window starting in his bedroom, and not after Connor pushes him. If I Could Tell Her being in the Murphy's living room and not in his bedroom, leading to the memorable and rather unfortunate first "kiss" on Zoe's dead brother's bed.) And why sometimes the songs seemed too rushed and a little out of place, despite it coming after the same line it can after in the musical. (For example, So Big/So Small.)

Also, the musical scenes were very underwhelming. Waving Through The Window, Sincerely Me, Only Us, For Forever, So Big/So Small, Words Fail all had so much potential. Moving from stage to film opens up so many possibilities for cinematic elements that's would elevate and induce many more emotions than it previously could. The songs were basically just the person sitting in one place, singing the song, maybe with a little dialogue in between verses.

I want to see more.

I want to feel the songs, even if I already know the musical soundtrack by heart. At times it felt as though they had the songs thrown into the script just because the theatre fans would riot if their favourite musical songs weren't in the film.

Which kinda sucks.

Alana was... interesting.

I feel like I hated her less in this, but it's probably because we just didn't get to see her. Anonymous Ones is a great premise for a sing and honestly I was going to cry for the reprise, but it just didn't hit as hard as I expected it to.

However, Anonymous Ones is the only song that had that X-factor the others were missing. I love that it showed that even if you think you're alone and forgotten, there's always other people. and sometimes, you get so caught up in your head that you don't take the time to notice what's right there. Or, as the song says, "The parts we can't tell, we carry them well, but that doesn't mean they're not heavy".

The thought that "no one will understand me, everyone else has a perfect life" is honestly a little selfish but it is a thought that a lot of people have. That is what I interpret Waving Through The Window as for the most part, and Anonymous Ones is basically the opposite.

The scene where Alana walks into the gym, and we see Evan in the background was really insightful to me. I appreciate that.

Jared is another one we didn't see often, so was Heidi (but of course, that's basically her whole character.) But with Jared, we lost some of the best moments of his sarcastic/teasing personality ("School shooter chic" is the main thing coming to mind.) As is, he didn't have much personality, and no real reason to even be in the movie, other than to be someone that Evan talks to to explain things to the viewing audience.

This Zoe was unexpectedly really great. Especially how she did Requiem. I will always appreciate and fully understand her reluctancy to just join the crowd and say "He was a great guy, he will be missed". Her having the backbone to say "No, he was an awful person to me" is really inspiring. so many people that were victims to abuse feel like they should just go along with it as not to dampen the vision others had of the person, but it's not right.

So yes, this Zoe did a really good job of bringing the book Zoe to life on screen.

Speaking of the book, I wish they had included Miguel. Even if it was just as the guy at the end who sent Evan the video, I wish they would've shown just a little callback to Connor's only true friend.

I feel like bringing him back, like in the book, at the end to talk to Evan would've been so much better than Evan spilling the beans then just reading all of Connor's favourite books from when he was 13.

I will probably eventually watch this again and maybey thouts will change, but as of right now, I rate this movie 7/10 on its own, and 4/10 in relation to the musical and the book.

(there's also a whole lot more o can say about the actual message behind all of this, the issues I have with the actual plot, and the casting concerns I have but for now, an open review and discussion will do.)

[secondhand-trash]

Heart of the Ocean

A/N: this is an idea I’ve had for months and finally started working on a while back^^

Pairing: sailor!Dabi x reader

Description: You had met many sailors in your life growing up by the sea, but there was only one like him.

Warning: Dabi is Touya, drunk sailors being assholes, plot with some sort of porn (public sex, vaginal penetration, unprotected sex, oral (receiving))

Word count: 10732 (omg a long boi)

Playlist:

The Sailor’s Wife//Birdeatsbaby

Playing Love//The Legend of 1900 soundtrack

Friday I’m In Love//Phoebe Bridgers cover

-

For your entire life, you had never been able to stay far away from the ocean. The saltiness in the air in your nostrils was the first smell you know, the horns blown from the ships every morning being the sound you woke up to each day. It was not like you ever thought of leaving the town, but there were times when you stood on the sand, feeling the tides brushing past your toes, and you wondered who you would be if you were no longer near the sea. 

Night  had drawn upon the little harbor town you called home but the day had barely started at the tiny tavern you spent your every waking moment in. Roars of men arm wrestling at the corner. Obscenities and vulgar slurs from drunken seamen. Loud thumps of jugs banged down onto wooden tables. The pub owner yelling at you to get faster on your feet. Your own voice that was worn out from the busy night calling back and sliding past the thin gaps between chairs.

There was nothing grand about working at the tavern by the port. Your apron always started the day clean and ended with splatters of stain on it, your arms were sore from carrying the dirty dishes, your hand wrinkly from being soaked in soap water for too long. It wasn’t a fancy job by any means, but it was a job no less.

You let out a heavy sigh as you slammed down the large basket of water, grimacing at the greasy dishes in it. You were shooed out to the alleyway behind the tavern to rinse out the dishes, the noises from inside reminding you that you either work quick or get a round of scolding from the chef. He was a nice man, but he did not tolerate anyone slacking on a busy night. 

The tavern crew called it the alleyway, but it was more like a small part of the deck. If you took one wrong step, you would end up in the icy water. The only illumination you had was the dim light leaking from the window and the lamp post lining along the coast with flickering flames. It was only the sound of waves washing up against the shore, the sound of people singing from inside drowned out by the ocean water. It was only you and the moon, looking upon you as you grabbed a wooden crate lined up at the side and pulled it by the basket.

Sometimes, you wondered if this was all there was to your life, destined to grow old by the sea and never ridding the smell of salt water in your hair.

“Miss me, doll?”

You yelped, lips pursing into a frown when you heard the laughs from the man who startled you. 

You had no idea what, and why Todoroki Touya liked to mess with you so much, but at that moment when you saw his stupid grin after sneaking up on you in that dark alleyway, you were sure that the reason didn’t matter. 

Touya first showed up at the humble port on a summer afternoon, when the smell of sea water and the moist in the air made fabric stick to your skin. You hated summer by the sea. You had dreaded being dragged to the port but your friends insisted that you went with them. The glaring sun didn’t seem to bother them as much as it did to you when they nudged you to look at the pier, where sailors from a merchant fleet were unloading the cargo.

It did not take you a second glance to spot the fiery shade of red, standing out from the meek colours of the cotton of his shirt. He was not from here, no one around this area had hair like that. Auburn was the shade of fire, of autumn leaves shining under the sun, and the water was not forgiving towards things that burn.

Ships come and go, you had seen your fair share of pretty faces turning ugly the moment booze land on their tongues to be blinded by the thin lips and sharp jaw.

You did not expect him to look up and stare right at you, blue eyes piercing into yours as you stood there uninterested. For a while he watched, waiting for you to look away first and join in on your whispering friends. But you didn’t, you crossed your arms and tilted your head, unimpressed.

And he smiled, a glint in his eyes like a ripple in the night shore, before turning away like nothing had happened.

That night, the group of men, like any other who stopped at the harbor, barged into the pub right as the sun sank. The lean boy was held by a man much larger than he was with an arm swung around his neck, an amused smile tugging on his lips as the elder man yelled about how it would be a disrespect if he didn’t get drunk at the night of his first voyage. You had tried to pretend that his presence didn’t stand out to you that whole night but the moment your eyes stopped at his table and you saw him looking right at you. When that same sly grin slowly creeping onto his face the moment your eyes met, you knew that you were not getting rid of him anytime sooner.

He would drop by the bar every night whenever his crew anchored at the port. Sometimes with the other men of the ship, sometimes alone under the dimmed lights and waiting to hop out of his hiding corner as you show up. He was charming, a bit too try-hard at that to the point where you no longer feel even a hint of fluster under his flirtatious remarks or narrowing gaze. 

There were plenty of people like him around the port. People who tried their hands at sweeping young girls off their feet and left early in the morning as their ship sails, never to come back the moment they get what they want. There were plenty of people like him, and you were smart enough to brush past your heart stammering at his colourful words knowing that there was nothing more to it than just that.

“I’m busy.” you clicked your tongue, scrubbing at the back of the plate with the sponge even harder as he kneeled down next to you.

“We haven’t seen each other for weeks and this is how you greet me?” he said, his smirk badly concealed under his forged pout, “You wound me, doll.”

You sighed, “If I don’t get back in there soon I’ll get yelled at, so I really don’t have the time to play your little games right now.”

“Games?” he said, his eyes squinting together and his expression unreadable, “I wasn’t-”

“If you’re not gonna help then please just leave.”

He huffed, but still picked up the drenched towel in the basin despite his own unwillingness. You snorted as he started scrubbing at the plates, mumbling about how he could never get a break even after leaving the ship.

“The things I do for you...”

You were expecting him to be relentless with his attempts to rekindle the conversation as he always did but somehow, he was fairly helpful in getting work done for you. It was just the two of you, crouching by the basin as the waves washed by down below the deck. The noises from within the tavern drowned out by the water. 

You had met your fair share of sailors with pretty faces to not be bothered by his smooth words, or at least so you thought. There were numerous times when your eyes would wander to his hair, his nimble fingers dipping into the water and making some of the soap spill onto the wooden platform. It was an incautious slip of mind that took you to places where you convinced yourself was not worth the risk travelling to, one where fire burns bright and you wonder if his hand would feel just as hot as the flames in his eyes.

But it was best for thoughts to remain as such, sea water would only scorch you even more after you were burnt.

“How do you fancy sitting down with me after your shift ends?” Touya asked as he trailed behind you, his hands inside the pocket of his pants while leaning down to be at your level.

You scoffed, trying to keep your pace as the heavy basket of now cleaned dishes weighed you down. “As if you would wait until I can finally leave after the tavern closes up.”

He laughed, ignoring your protests as he took the basket off your hand with a yank. “Aw, you know I won’t mind waiting if it’s you.”

“Why don’t you just go find someone else?” you said, failing to take the plates back as he skillfully dodged your extended arms with a swift turn, “Plenty of people in this port would die to have you even look at them, you know that right?”

“Well, I couldn’t care less about other people. I’m still holding out for the day you look at me the way I look at you.”

You snorted. “How do you look at me then?”

“With nothing but fondness and adoration, of course.”

You could hear the bell from the light tower offshore as you walked. He looked away with a breathy laugh, seeing that you were not buying any of it. If you had done so little as lift your head up, you would see the way his eyes dimmed. But you didn’t, as always. You never looked at him when he wanted you to.

“Oi!”

A slurred yell from the other side of the road caught your attention. You groaned internally when you saw the few men sitting on the steps of the tavern door. Their hats were crooked on their heads, the top buttons of their shirts hastily undone and their faces deeply flushed. You did not need to even look to know that these men were nothing but a drunken mess. They were all wearing the same pin on the chest of their jacket, one with a crown at the top and a ribbon dangling from the edge.

The pin was a sign that these men were under the crown. You grimaced, holding back the urge to roll your eyes. Even when they were a slobbering mess, they would still wear that pin like it was a badge of pride, like that shining piece of metal made them any special than those who couldn’t afford to have a gold lining on their hats. 

“Ignore them.” You whispered, your pace quickening as you beckoned Touya to catch up.

“Oi!” the man shouted again. You froze in place when you saw him standing up with a glass jug in hand from the corner of your eye. “What’s the rush, pretty thing?”

Your skin crawled when you heard his companions laughed wolfishly. 

“Aren’t you a lovely one?” he swung the jar around as he slowly paced closer, forcing you to take a few steps back to distance from the drunken man, “Why don’t you come with us? It’s a long night and I’m sure we can have a lot of fun together...”

Touya was quick to react when the man was about to reach his hand out, pulling you by the arm so that he could shield you.

“Ah, what’s this?” the man snickered before letting out a choked hiccup, “Some cheap seaman protecting his whore?”

He didn’t budge even as you clutched his sleeve, trying to pull him away. “Leave them alone.” He spoke in a tone that you had never heard from him before. His voice was low, each word dripping in sternness. 

“Touya, let’s just go...”

“Why don’t you let them speak for themselves, hm?” the man mocked. You watched in fear as Touya clenched his jaw when the man tried to look past his shoulder to stare at you with a creepily wide grin, “I’m sure me and my men can pay you way better than whatever this lowlife is offering you-”

You gasped when Touya lunged forward and punched the man square in the jaw. The man was too drunk to react, stumbling a few steps back before looking up with blood-shot eyes. You were too stunned to object when Touya pushed you out of the way as the other men stood up. You winced when they rolled their sleeves up. They were drunk and barely walking in straight lines but even in that state, they could still easily put Touya in a tough spot just by outnumbering him. 

Your heart was leaping in your chest as you watched him threw himself into the fight, one that he could have avoided easily if he didn’t try to defend you. You barely had the heart to look as the sound of punches and grunts of pain echoed in the night street. You clutched your hands, cursing yourself for not being any more helpful.

Please be ok, you bite your lips and prayed, please be ok...

You breathe stopped when you heard the sound of glass shattering. Your eyes widened when you saw Touya barely able to stand up, the men scurrying away and leaving the sharp pieces of glass on the floor. Rushing forward, you tried to support his frame when he collapsed onto you. 

All you could see was red as the smell of rust invaded your senses.

He forced out a chuckle from the back of his throat as his hand gripped your shoulder for leverage. “Don’t look so worried doll... I’m alright...”

“No you’re not! You... you...” you stuttered as you watched more blood seep out of the busted wound at the side of his head. His skin was tainted with it, blurring away the red of his hair as the strands were soaked with a darker, more gruesome shade.

“It’s just blood-”

“You’re coming in with me.” You said, trying to walk towards the door with his weight on you.

“You’ll get into trouble for it-”

“Did I ask?” You hissed, immediately softening your voice after realising that you were near yelling at him.

“Alright, alright...” he mumbled. 

He stared at you the whole time as you tried to carry him into the tavern. Your brows were locked together and lips pursed into a thin line. He could see the way you struggled to walk with him latching onto you like that but you never stopped your steps. The pain was pulsing through his body and he could feel his head pounding. But at that moment, he could swear that the warmth that was erupting in his chest was close to resembling joy.

“Wow,” he said in a whisper and you glanced at him. He smiled when he saw the unmasked worry in your eyes. “you’re even prettier up close...”

You sighed and he laughed, as struggling as he was. “Shut up,” you said, ignoring that way you could feel his heartbeat at the side of your ribcage, “you are making this worse for yourself.”

Your skin heated up when he leaned down at your shoulder, his lips almost touching the skin of your neck.

“Now that’s my feisty doll...”

-

Even as seasons changed, the little town by the sea you lived in never showed it all that much. Birds started travelling down from the northern seas and sometimes you would shiver a little when you went for a stroll by the port without a shawl on but other than that, autumn was just like any other time when you were near the sea. You heard that in some places, all the trees would turn into shades of red and yellow by the time wind started blowing, but that was something you could only imagine. 

You decided to leave our house a bit earlier than you needed to on this windy day so you could make it to the tavern way before you were needed. It was a pain to have your hands soaked in water and scrubbing with all your might when the weather gets cold, you much prefer taking your time instead of rushing.

Turning into the corner of the alleyway, you jumped when you felt a pair of arms suddenly wrapped around your torso from behind your back.

You melted when you heard the familiar voice of your lover.

“Miss me, my love?”

“Touya!” you beamed. Spinning on your heels to leap into his opened arms, yours immediately flung around his neck as he held you tight, lifting you up to do a little swirl before putting you back onto your feet again. You held his grinning face in your hands as you pulled him in for a much waited kiss. 

It had been too long since you last saw him, and every time you thought of the red leaves from the faraway lands it only fueled how much you wished he could be there with you every day instead of having to wait weeks between each time you could be in his arms like this.

Touya chuckled as you pecked his face all over. First his forehead after you brushed away his hair that fitted perfectly for the season, then his nose, and along his jaw as you stood on your toes.

“So you missed me that much huh?” He laughed when you playfully hit his chest before pulling you in to taste your lips again. You sighed as you leaned against him, feeling his warmth as he wrapped his arms around your frame, hugging you close with your face snugged closely against his neck.

“It has been too long...”

“I know, love...” he muttered against your hair, placing a small kiss at the top of your head, “I know...”

He wished he could just stay at the port with you, he truly did. But he needed the money he could get from the voyages the ships made. It would take him much longer to make the same amount of money if he stayed on land, given that most of what he knew had to do with sailing the high seas. For a little longer, he thought to himself as he inhaled the sweet scent of your hair, just a little more until he could finally ask the question that has been suffocating him every night he was away from you...

“How long will you be staying this time?” Touya could feel the knot in his stomach tightening when he saw your smile after pulling away. God, how he wished he could see that every day. The guilt of what he had to tell you was forming a lump at the back of his throat, but he knew it would only hurt you more if he hide it from you.

“Actually,” he took a deep breath, “the ship is sailing out tonight.”

“What?” your eyes widened as you gasped, your grip at his forearm tightening, “So soon?”

He did not say a word. The truth was, he wasn’t even supposed to be here. He had sneaked out when the rest of the crew was loading the ships despite knowing how much trouble it would cause him if the captain finds out. He just had to see you before leaving this time, it would crush him if he couldn’t even say a proper good bye.

You caressed his chin with your thumb, staring into his eyes even as he looked everywhere but you. “When will I see you again?”

“In three months.”

He could not bring himself to look at you as he heard you gasped. “That’s so long...”

“I’m sorry love,” he brought the back of your hand to his lips, kissing every knuckle as an attempt to soothe you even just a little, “but what they are offering is far too good for me to turn it down. After I come back, I’ll have made enough to stay in town for longer than I had ever had.”

He bought your hand to his cheek, leaning into your touch as you cradled his face. You knew that there was nothing you could do to stop him from leaving. That was his job, it was destined that the sea would be the biggest obstacle between you and him but that didn’t mean you would just let him leave for months without giving him something to remember you by.

His hands were immediately on your waist when you latched onto him again, kissing him again and again near frantically without a care in the world that you were at the back of a tavern where someone could walk by at any given moment. 

Decency be damned, for now all you could think about was how perfect his lips molded against yours.

Touya’s breath hitched when he felt your hand trailing down his chest, “I won’t be able to contain myself if you keep doing that.”

“Then don’t,” you whispered against him, feeling his boiling his burning skin under your palm as you tucked at the linen of his shirt, “I want you now. Don’t make me wait another three months, please...” 

He growled before pushing you up against the brick wall. How could he say no when you begged so sweetly like this? His hands were clawing and grabbing at anything he could reach as his tongue salvaged your mouth, drinking in all of your scent as if he was trying to get it ironed into the back of his head. 

You never pulled away, even as you were panting and gasping for air from his heated kiss. You needed to make every second count, and you wouldn’t mind suffocating yourself with all of him if it meant that you would have something to hold onto for the time he was away.

Your toes were barely touching the ground as he hoisted you up, your fingers tangled in his auburn hair for leverage as his hands fumbled to pull at the vest you were wearing underneath your overcoat. 

“No. Leave it, leave it-” you panted as you hastily pulled at his belt, “we don’t have time...”

He chuckled, the rumbling of his chest hitting you in full force from the close proximity you were in. You were in an alleyway and luck was all you could count on for no one to pass by at this hour to see the scandalous act you were engaging in, but right now you just wanted to feel him, to feel his warmth on your skin and his touches on your body.

Lifting you up, he pushed down the collar of your shirt and sucked at the exposed skin of your neck as he sat you on one of the barrels by the wall. His grip on your knee was near painful as he pushed your legs apart, pressing himself snugly against your sex as he left mark after mark on your soft skin. He could feel his cock throbbing at the sight of your reddened skin, knowing full well that the bruises would be enough to tell the entire world that you already belonged to someone for long enough even though it would fade by the time he stepped on the land again. 

Bunching your apron and dress up around your waist, you arched back as his hands rubbed against your sopping folds, your head hitting the brick wall whilst biting your lips to stop the moans from slipping out. Your shaking hands flew to his pants and messily pushed it down, freeing his hardened cock from its confines. 

No amount of self-control could stop the mewl he ripped from the back of your throat as he hilted inside of you with one swift movement of his hips. Your legs clutched around his hips, pulling him as close as you could. It would be long until you could feel the delicious stretch only he could give you again, and you wanted your body to remember everything. 

You tried to have everything printed into your mind as he snapped his hips up against you in a relentless pace. His grunts as he bottomed out inside of you. The vein at the side of his shaft that made your mind hazy every time it rubbed against your walls. The way his fingers dug into your thighs. His voice getting breathier and breathier as his climax approached, incoherent mumbles of how much he loved you again and again right by your ear. You were sure you would still sense the lingering heat of his breath at the tip of your ears even after he left you, even after he sailed away.

The smell of sweat and sex filled your senses and the lewd sound of skin slapping against skin echoed in the empty alleyway. The barrel you were sitting on creaking with each thrust and your body shaking with it as his tip hit the spongey spot deep inside of you. Jolts of pleasure made every hair at the back of your neck stood up as your toes numbed at the sensation. With one final push, he brought you to ecstasy as strings of hot cum filled your insides and he moaned at the way you clenched down on him. 

For a while you just stayed there, with him still inside you and your face buried into his chest. He was so warm, you closed your eyes as you drown in the bliss of having your lover’s body against yours for as long as you could have it for. He could feel his chest tightening up when you whined the moment he pulled away. He did not want to let go of and neither did you, but you had no choice.

You whimpered when his nimble fingers pushed back the leaking cum inside of your pussy. If he could, he would mark you up in every single way possible, inside and out. That way even when he was away, you would still have something of his in your every waking moment.

“I’ll miss you...” you muttered, pressing a soft kiss against his lips one more time.

“Me too, love...” He said, trying to force s smile onto his face as he soothed the wrinkles on your apron, “But I’ll be back before you know it, I promise.”

You did not seem to believe him but nodded nonetheless. He did not have the heart to look back as he walked away, knowing that he would be swayed the moment he saw the look in your eyes. Saying good bye was always difficult and the only thing that could make it hurt less was for him to keep reminding himself just exactly why he was boarding the ship.

One last voyage before he settles down, he thought to himself, then he would not have to spend a day away from you ever again. He smiled when he thought of how wonderful it would be to wake up next to you every morning, the way you would lean towards his side even in your sleep because you were always saying how he radiates warmth. Maybe he would take up some job in the seamen’s guilt, or a clerk in the store. Hell, even work in the tavern with you if that was what he could find. He couldn’t care less as long as he could go home to you every night when the sun sets down the horizons of the sea, how beautiful it would be as the golden light shines on the water, each ripple looking like gold on top of the ocean.

Gold, like the band of the ring he saw in the shops the other day. When he got back, he would have enough money to buy you that ring.

Todoroki Touya smiled at the thought of it, and how wonderful everything would be when he came back to you.

-

He never came back.

You were always thinking of him whenever he was away, always. No matter how long his voyages were, one day or one month, there wasn’t a moment when you shivered at the thought of what might have happened to him on sea. The ocean was a vast place, one that was mysterious and unforgiving. The only thing that kept you going on with your life like there wasn’t a looming concern at the back of your head each day was the knowing that with each agonising day passed, the time when you would be together again gets closer and closer. 

The first three months were painful, but nothing you couldn’t manage. He had been away before, it was just that this time it was longer and as the temperature dropped, your mind always wandered to a time when he would hold your hand and keep you warm. 

You waited for the ship to come into the port the day he was supposed to be back. Your head immediately snapping up at each blow of the horn that signaled a new ship was coming in only to lower your gaze in disappointment when none of them was the one that had your lover on deck. You waited until the town was turning dark, but there was no sign of the sailor with red hair anywhere on the otherwise blue sea.  You told yourself that it would be alright as you went home with a heavy heart, that ships had to change their schedule all the time. Nothing would happen to him, it would be fine.

You struggled to fall asleep when you were tossing and turning in your bed that night, the unnerving feeling of something going wrong stuffing your chest until it felt like you couldn’t breathe. 

You went back to the pier the next day, and the day after that, and the many many days to follow, but the ship never came. You could not shake away the gut feeling that something must have happened no matter how hard you tried. Each morning as you went out the door, you thought to yourself that this is the day. He would be back today and everything would go back to normal, it must be it. But alas, time flew by fast since the day that marked the end of the supposed three month sail yet you never once spot even a fragment of Touya anywhere.

You were starting to grow paranoid as the weather got colder and colder. Whenever you spot a flash of red out from the corner of your eye, your mind would instantly raced in false hope only to be let down even more when you realised that it was only your longing messing up your mind. Everything reminded you of him The dark alleyway where you last felt his lips on yours, the sound of men yelling as they unload the trunks onto the pier, the ripples in the night shore that brought you back to the first time you ever looked into his eyes. 

There were rumours that the merchant’s fleet was attacked by pirates on the high seas, that all of the men were slaughtered for the stock that was at the bottom of the ship. Some said that it was a storm that sank the ship to the depths of the cold water. Stories floated around the small town by the port, but the only thing in common about them was that none of the crew survived the voyage. Some days you would walk into the town square or pass by a group of chattering people only to see the look on their faces as they spotted you. It was a look of pity as they bite their tongue in your presence, an act out of kindness but only served to nail the possible truth you tried so hard to avoid deeper into your head.

At heart, you knew the bit of hope you were clutching onto was near delusional, a blind lie to yourself to keep you going. But you did not want to just let it be, you always felt a pang of guilt straight into your chest whenever your mind did so little as start to believe that he was dead. You did not want to believe that he was gone. Because if you started to move on, who would remember him when there was no more talk of the ship that never came back?

You went and sat by the port every day without fail even as everyone around you tried to stop you, until the day you fell terribly ill. It was the wind from off shore, the doctor said to your family as you laid on the bed. You were burning up, your head pounding like drums and a dull ache shooting through your system with even the slightest movement. You could barely open your eyes without seeing white, and there was a moment when you thought that it was it. Your parents clutched your hand when they saw you weep, cooing about how it would be alright and that you would be cured in no time. But was not death you feared. Oh no, you didn’t mind the idea of your consciousness drifting away. But what if he made it back? What if one day, after spending so long floating on the sea or struggling to even survive, your love made it back to the small town only for you to be nowhere to be seen? It was the thought of him pushing open the tavern door or walking into the alleyway at the back frantically searching for you that made the droplet of water rolled down your chin.

When you closed your eyes, it was his face you see in the faint hue of white.

Much to everyone’s relieve, you recovered. They banned you from going to the pier again despite your relentless begging. No amount of tears could let them budge. They nearly lost you once and they would do anything to stop it from happening again. For a while, they did not even let you go into the tavern, fearing that you would do something impulsive and irreversible with it being right next to the shore. If you were constantly clouded by sorrow before, now you were a body without soul as you were trapped inside the house with nowhere to go.  Your eyes were hollow, and often it would take several calls of your name for you to even react to anyone around you. Some days you would just sit by the window and stared outside for hours, listening to the faint sound of the ocean and the ships as your dying heart swayed to the waves crashing onto the shore.

Eventually, you returned to the tavern. Life had to go on somehow, and money didn’t grow on trees. It did not take much observation to know that you had changed. You did not have the same life to you as before, only nodding silently at whatever command that was thrown your way. Days flew past without you even trying to count it, and soon it was years after you last saw him. Many had tried to sweep you off your feet, people who did not know that your heart had already left with the young sailor with red hair who never returned from his voyage. You always turned each and every single one of them down with a smile, claiming that you already had someone in your life.

You had met plenty of sailors with pretty faces in your time by the sea, but there was only one like him, even though he too left and never came back.

Then the king’s men came.

The entire town flipped upside down when the Royal Messenger’s horses and carriages stopped in front of your humble house. The group of knights and servants filling up the streets as the horns blown. Your small town had never seen something as grand and extravagant as the march of men crowded into the narrow streets, silk flags and the finest horses looking out of place in the brick road with mosses between the gap of each tile. Your parents gingerly opened the door when the heard the messenger calling out your name with a scroll in hand. Why, of all the people in this place, would they be looking for you?

You felt nothing when you were told that the crown prince of the kingdom wanted to marry you. Told, not asked, royalty did not need to ask for permission to marry a commoner who worked at the seaside tavern. The messenger claimed that the prince spotted you by the pier when he was travelling through the kingdom in his disguise and fell head first in love. You did not look shocked, and the man with the scroll and gold badge on his chest eyed you with a sense of bewilderedness on his face, as if he was expecting you to laugh, or even cry at the news that such honor as the prince taking a liking towards someone like you would happen to you.

Your parents eyed you in fear as you stayed silent, nervous that you would say anything to offend the crown. You lowered your head, letting out a shaky breath as you shut your eyes tight. Your body resisted the thought of marrying someone that wasn’t Touya with every fiber of its being and your mind was screaming at you to say no. But you couldn’t do that, your answer was not needed as a reply to a request that was never raised to you as a question. It was a demand, a notice that you must comply with the decision that was made for you.

So you nodded as you curtsied, and you could hear the sigh of relieve from everyone around you. The man rolled up the parchment in delight before leaving, and the streets were as emptied as nothing had happened in no time. You grimaced, but hid it well under a smile. They did not need to know that your heart was ripping into a million pieces, and it was not like they cared. 

You cried over your lost love for the last time that night, knowing full well that the luxury of grieving would be taken away from you the moment you were sent away to the court.

Everything was a whirlwind from there onwards. The prince sent an entire band of men to pick you up from the town and guard you on your way to the capital. As the horses trotted away and you could no longer hear the sound of waves or seagulls flying atop of your head, you realised that this would be the first time you were so far away from the sea. The court sat in the middle of the entire kingdom, surrounded by land in all four directions. You stayed in a large chamber, one with the biggest bed you had ever seen and four posts on the corners. You slept on linen and sheets made out of silk, the mattress softer than anything you had ever felt in your entire life. Yet there were numerous nights when you just lay there on the bed with our eyes wide opened. You did not know that you were so accustomed to the sound of the sea and the distant bell of the towers that sleeping in absolute silence felt absurd. 

Every day you would be wakened up by a handmaiden, who will proceed to inform you of all the things you need to tend to while dressing you up. It was always things you needed to try on, fittings you needed to go to, people you needed to meet. Everything was already planned and going smoothly according to the royal family’s wishes, and you were just a doll in this game of dress up. Your opinions on the wedding were never asked for, all you needed to do was be there in your dress and walked down the aisle for the entire kingdom to see.

You met the prince several times, he would often stop by to inspect on the preparation of the wedding when he was free of his princely duties. He was nice, charming and courteous but that was about it. You did not feel anything as he looked into your eyes, or when he kissed the back of your hand. They felt like nothing but mere gestures, with no warmth to it and no meaning behind. He would often try to tell you about his day, and proceed to ask if the servants of the court were treating you well, as if he did not appoint every one of them himself. He did not seem to be interested in asking about you and you could swore he seems more confused than anything else when you brought up the way people do things back in your small town by the sea.

Sometimes, when you were shoved around in dresses and trying to laugh at unfunny jokes made by people you could not fit into, you wondered what your wedding would be like if you were marrying him instead.

-

You woke up at daybreak on the day of your wedding.

The noises of people rushing down the halls and the chaos in the court apparent even when the sun had barely risen. It was a big day for the kingdom. For after today, the country would have a new princess.

You were hurried off to get dressed the moment you opened your eyes. They leathered you in soup and warm water, putting fragranced oils on your wrist and your neck, where the prince would near when you danced that night. It took an entire group of maids to put you in your dress. It was a beautiful gown, made out of pearly silk and every inch of the fabric covered in gold embroidery. When you moved, it was like there were jewels all over you, a careful illusion by the finest craftsmen of the court. You sat there like a lifeless figurine as they put on jewel after jewel onto your neck, before finally placing the gold headpiece on top of your head. You looked like a princess, even you had to admit that the court’s seamstresses and jewel makers did a wonderful job at making you more glamorous than you probably were. 

You stared at the reflection in the mirror that was you but didn’t quite feel like you, and felt shivers on your skin when the reality that this was what your life would be like from now on settled into depths of your soul.

“Can I have a moment to myself?” You asked, wishing to treasure the last bit of time you had still being yourself and not princess of the kingdom.

You sighed in relieve when the maid bowed before exiting the chamber, your face falling the moment the heavy wooden doors slammed shut.

How was it that it was already this time of the day? You thought as you stared at the golden light shined onto the walls through the window. In midst of the chaos of it all, you had lost your concept of time. Your heart fell when you realised that this meant it was getting closer and closer to the moment you were to walk into the cathedral and lie in front of the gathering crowd that you loved someone when you were certain that it was not something your half-dead heart was capable of doing anymore. A lie that would carry on until your final breath the moment you uttered those three words at the end of the aisle and sealed it with a band on your finger.

Your thoughts was interrupted by a frightful cry from the hallway. You snapped back, froze in fear at the unknown screams from down the halls as you stared at the door, wondering what you were supposed to do.

“The pirates are breaking into the castle!” Your blood curled at the shouts and the panic of the people outside, “Guards! Guards-”

Looking out of the window, you could see flames rising from the castle walls. They had set fire to the gates. People ran to take cover in the court as the invaders broke down the door and you did not have the guts to keep looking. You wanted to crawl into the ground when you heard the sound of weapons unleashing. The heavy steps of men rushing down the court echoed through the wooden doors and followed by yells, grunts, until you heard the thump of bodies fallling onto the floor.

“Princess!” It was the same maid that had just dressed you screaming at the top of her lungs, her voice almost breaking as she squealed, “Do not come out!”

You were just as horrified of metals clashing and men shouting as you were of silence. You had no way of knowing what was going on, no method of keeping yourself safe except staying inside and wait for everything to unfold, You felt defenseless, and in a sense, you were. 

“Hello princess.”

You grabbed the closest thing you could get from the vanity as a chilling voice rang from behind your back. You spun to face the owner of the voice, gripping onto the candle holder you could get your hands and pointing it at whoever it was that broke in. 

It was a man. A lean man, with a mask covering his face and a sharp blade in hand. Unlike you, he seemed to be oddly relaxed in the situation, as if everything was under his control.

“Do not come near.” You tried to hold back the shaking of your voice but the man only let out a roaring laugh at your pitiful attempt at sounding threatening. 

“Oh, aren’t you a feisty one...” He mocked as he took one step forward. You stepped back, dreading as you felt the cold hard wall behind your back.

“Who are you?” You questioned, not putting your arm down even though you knew the piece of metal in your hand was no match for his sword.

“Does it matter?” He sneered. “Why would the precious princess want to know the pirate’s name?”

He snickered as he brought the blade to your face, lifting your chin up by the tip of his sword. You froze in place, one wrong move and he could easily slit your throat. 

“Such a pretty face...” he taunted as he turned your face to the side, “The face of someone who spent their days breaking hearts...”

You felt your skin heating up. Not from fear but from anger. How dare this man who did not even bother to tell you his name came in and mock you? 

“You know nothing about me.” You did not budge from the cold metal beneath your chin, staring straight at the man behind the mask as you spoke.

“Oh, but maybe I do,” he said. You wondered what look he was wearing as he speak, each word dripping with poison. There was an eerie feeling at the pit of your stomach that you had heard this voice before. “tell me, what poor man did you leave anyone behind when you went off to marry the prince-”

“Don’t you dare speak of him,” Your own coldness was a surprise even to you, and the man seemed to be taken back by your sudden outburst, “You think I want to be here? You think I want to leave everything I know? I loved one man and that man is gone. I spent days, months even, crying over him but he never came back.” you swallow the bitterness at your tongue, “So don’t you dare come accuse me of breaking hearts when the only heart that was shattered was mine. if you want to kill me, make it quick.”

The man stayed silent, you could feel him looking at you even though you couldn’t see his eyes.

“You’re coming with me.”

“No-” 

You tried to fight back as he went to grip your wrists. You were no match to his strength and your arms hurt from the way he was twisting it behind you but you did not give in. He would not hurt you for whatever reason it was, that was one thing you came to understand because he had have many chances to just slit your throat but he didn’t. He let out a painful yelp when you bite his hand, successfully forcing him to let go. With your racing mind, your hands went right towards the edge of his mask in midst of your panic.

You gasped when you tear the mask away.

There were scars littering all across the lower half of his face, staples holding up the rough muscle from the corner of his mouth all the way to his eats. His hair was black like burned coal, like what was left after a fearful fire raged through the woods.

Nothing about him was the same as you remembered from years ago. But those eyes... Oh, those blue eyes that reminded you of the sea, of your home. You could recognise those eyes wherever you go.

“Miss me, princess?” He sneered, a million type of emotions lining his words until you could not make out what it was.

Your voice came out as nothing more than a whisper.

“...Touya?”

“No,” he grimaced, not wanting to read the look you have on your face as he watched your eyes widened, “Dabi.”

You had heard that name before. You had heard about the pirate that roamed the high seas together with his merciless crew. People of the port spoke of his name with fear and horror, about how none of his targets ever lived to survive the slaughter.

He was waiting for some hint of rejection, a look of disgust at what he had come to be like from you. He was not the same man who left you on the port years ago now, he had seen the world and how cruel it could be. There was blood on his hands and he did not wish to taint you with his filth even as he wanted nothing more than to reach out and feel your skin under his palms again. He was speechless when you crashed into him with full force, not being able to react when you wrapped him tight in your arms with your face buried into his chest.

Dabi regained his senses as your body shook with the first sob that leaked from your throat. Even after years apart, his reflex was still quick to react at any hint of your distress. You melted into his touch as you felt the pair of strong arms you had missed so much around your frame, not being able to contain your tears as you wallowed in the joy of being together with the man you loved and the pain when you imagined what he had gone through.

You were still heaving when you pulled away, and his heart broke into a million pieces when he saw your swollen eyes. You clutched his hand closed to your face when he brought it up to wipe away the tear in your eyes. “I thought... I thought you died... I-” you hiccupped, struggling to stop yourself from welling up again.

He pulled you close to him, his hand soothing your hair as he sucked in a deep breath to contain the wave of emotions that was threatening to break loose in his own head. “It’s alright,” he cooed, fingers threading into your hair as he pressed you against him, “I’m here now.”

You had thought that you would only hear those words in your dreams. Your hands gripped his arm tightly as if you were afraid that he would again like he was nothing but a fragment of your imagination if you let go. But he never did, and the pirate held you tight as you weep, reassuring you time after time in the softest voice that he was right there with you now. 

A loud bang on the door interrupted you. You looked up in fear when you heard the sound of guards trying to bust the locked door open.

“Leave with me,” he whispered, looking into your teary eyes as he tilted your head up to look at you. There was nothing but fondness and affection in your eyes when you stared at him, just the way he had dreamt that you would be when he was floating on the cold sea after his ship had sank and even after he was picked up by passing group of pirates who let him live on a moment of mercy, “I’m no prince but I’ll treat you like a princess.”

You would go to the edge of the world with him if it meant that you could finally be together as one again, he never needed to ask. 

He knew he had his answer the moment you swung your arms around his neck and kissed him with all these years of longing sealed into your lips.

-

Dabi’s hands were on you the moment the cabin door slammed shut.

His men were already waiting by the castle grounds when he sneaked you out from the window, groaning in complaint about how excessive those “filthy rich bastards” were with their jewelry and dresses as he bunched up your dress to help you on the horse. You only chuckled when he leaped up himself, your back against his chest as you made the run towards the closest shore where his ship anchored down to wait for its captain to return with his bride.

The king’s fleet was probably on its way in full force to chase after you right now, but that was none of your concern when your mind was fogged over by his hot lips against your neck. You could feel the rigid scars and the staples that were warmed up by his skin, and when your hand pulled at his hair there was still some part of you that had yet to get used to the black. But when you tasted his lips, it simply felt right. 

Your Touya, finally back to your side even with a different face and a different name. 

His hands were rough on you, puling and yanking each piece of jewelry that got in his way off your body all while never letting go of your lips. He pulled back to admire his work, feeling the rush of adrenaline through his veins at how disheveled you looked. Your faces was flushed and your lips swollen from his ruthless assault. Your eyes were glassy, your pupils blown out in lust and want as your hands grabbed at his shirt. 

He climbed on top of your like a predator ready to devour his prey the moment he threw you on his bed. The frame creaked at the sudden weight on top and the linen of his sheets were rough against your skin. You could feel the ship swayed with each crash of waves against its body and the dent on the thin mattress when he perched on top of you. Blue eyes roamed all over your body, and you chuckled at how he was now taking the time to admire your form when he was just clawing and tearing at you like an animal just seconds ago.

Your back arched up subconsciously as he trailed his hand down from your heaving chest down to your stomach. He allowed himself the luxury to drink in the way you look in your wedding dress before he tear it to shreds, watching your every move as the calloused pad of his fingers traced the delicate gold lines on the fabric. You were so close to wearing this dress for someone else, he felt a pang of jealousy rose in his chest at the mere thought of another man seeing you like this. If he had not make it in time, there would be another person who got to have you beneath them, who got to touch you in places only he was allowed to touch, to hear the sweet noises you made as you were stretched out in bliss. 

The more he thought about it, the more he felt his blood boil. As if feeling his rage, your hand reached for his face and forced him to look at you. Your thumb caressed the staple at the side of his cheek as you leaned up to kiss his scarred jaw, his head tilting back as you pressed wet kisses along his neck. 

If it was anyone else, they would probably carefully undo each lace of the dress and store it well. It would make sense that way, each thread of the embroidery and the silk were probably worth more gold than someone would have ever obtained ever in their lives. But you were his bride, you wore the dress for him, and he would do whatever the fuck he wanted with it.

Pulling out the dagger by his belt, he held the collar of your dress and slit the fabric right at the center with one long drag of the sharp blade until you were left bare in your underthings. He licked his lips at the sight of your body that was barely concealed by the thin cotton chemise, his cock aching at the thought of what lay underneath.

He stopped you when you tried to push away the ripped silk from you. “Leave it on,” he said, pushing himself down so that he was leaning his jaw right at your pelvis. His breath fanning your lower stomach as he speak, his gravel tone sending heat right to your core. “I want to have you crying for me in that dress.”

A loud moan was ripped from your throat as he latched onto your pussy, his hand hooking your legs onto his shoulders so that his tongue could salvage you deeper and hit all the right spots. He groaned at the first taste of your arousal. 

“Just as sweet as I remembered...”

His tongue was working wonders on you. Even after years since he last touched you, he still remember what to do and how to do it to get you singing for him. He knew your body like the back of his head, and each whimper from you was making it harder and harder to contain himself. 

But it had been too long, and he did say he want you crying for him.

Your thighs clenched around his shoulder with each skillful flick of his tongue against your cunt. Your hand clawed at the sheets beneath you as he circled your puffy clit, sending numbing shocks of pleasure down your spine. This felt too good to be true but here he was, between your legs and devouring you like it was the first meal he had in days. 

The loud slurping filled the cabin and your hands tugged his hair to beg for more friction. He was glad to comply, thumb pressing against the sensitive bud as his tongue dived in to rub against your walls. You could feel every hair on your body standing up as the first wave of pleasure washed over you, your scalp tingling as he licked and drank in your juices that was gushing onto his face.

Your shaking hands reached for him, and you moaned as you tasted yourself on his lips. You could smell the moisture of the wooden walls of the cabin and the sound of waves clashing against the ship as the saltiness expanded in your mouth. 

You were desperate to make up for the lost years as your tongue danced with his sloppily, your hands tugging his pants down as he pulled down the sleeves of the dress of your arms and ripping the smock off of you. He let the image of your exposed form laying on top of the white silk soaked into his mind, his cock painful to be inside of you as beads of pre leaked from the tip onto the fabric you were laying on.

He let out a choked grunt as your finger trailed along the vein of his cock.

“You made me wait for years, don’t make me wait any longer.” You mused at his reaction, a sigh slipped past your lips when he lined up at your entrance. He brushed the tip past your folds but didn’t push in, making you whine as he spread the shiny liquid all over your cunt.

“You think I don’t miss this?” he let out a dry chuckle, moaning out at your warm wrapping tightly around him as he pushed in. It felt like your body was lit on fire as he leaned down to weave his fingers with yours as he started setting a vigorous pace to his thrusts. Each slap of his hips against yours had you seeing stars and your legs hooked around his waist to pull him in closer.

“When I’m alone at the bottom of the ship,” he emphasised each word with a thrusts, “cold and lonely,” he leaned down to suck at the supple skin of your neck, “this is that I think of to keep myself sane.”

You mewled when his free hand pinched your hardened nipple. “The thought of going back to you was what kept me alive.”

You were panting against his lips as he pressed against you, the tip of his pushing in and out of you driving you wild. “So when I hear that you are marrying off to the prince,” he growled, “I knew that I need to do whatever it takes to get you back.”

You could smell the sweat on his body, his hair smelt of the sea as he buried his face at the crook of your neck and leaving bite marks everywhere he could reach. “You are mine,” you whined under him as he pressed up against you, his chest right on top of yours when he pushed his cock as far as it would reach and hitting that spongey spot inside of you, “all mine and I don’t give a fuck if I have to burn down the kingdom. No one can ruin what we have.”

The coil in your stomach tightened at his possessiveness. You had made your mind up that you were all his years ago and you never truly let that thought go even when all hope of him being alive had died. You would never love anyone like you had loved him, and now it was the two of you against the world.

“Yours,” you whimpered as he swallowed your moans with a searing kiss, “all yours.”

His thrusts got sloppier as you clenched around him, your pussy fluttering from the orgasmic bliss that you were drowning in. He clutched your hand tightly as ropes of his release unloaded inside you, never once letting you go even as he slowly calmed down from his high.

It made his chest swell when he saw drips of his cum oozing out from you onto the wedding dress, your wedding dress. Your were finally his and his alone once again, and he had the evidence for it. 

You clicked your tongue when he pushed the tainted fabric off to the floor as he flopped next to you, holding you close to him as he inhaled the sweet scent of you that he missed so much.

“That thing is worth more than my entire life’s worth of salary at the tavern you know-"

"Sh,” he shut you up with a peck, “you’re not the bar maid anymore, love.”

You chuckled, burying your face deeper into his chest. He was so warm, or was it the euphoria catching up to you?

“I love you.”

His gaze on you was soft, like the surface of the sea on a sunny day. Serene and lovely.

“I love you too.”

As you fell asleep in your lover’s arms that night, surrounded by the waters that raised you, you felt like you were finally back where you belong.

You could never stay far away from the ocean.

[hutchhitched]

My thoughts on Monday under the cut…

I spent a week in Greece almost 15 years ago, and I loved it. This movie makes me what to go back. I wasn’t sure if I’d get to see it in theaters because the two main chains I go to weren’t carrying it. Thankfully, one of the “premium” theaters in Houston has it, and a friend and I went to the first showing earlier today at 7:00 pm. Masked the entire time and completely isolated from others in a pod with recliners. It was delightful (and pricey). Seeing Sebastian Stan on the big screen in this movie was worth every penny.

 Before I dissect the movie, it has to be said. Sebastian Stan is gorgeous, and this movie showcases that in every shot of him. There are closeups and a lot of skin and scruff and charm and smiles that are beautifully shot. So. Much. Pretty.

 Speaking of pretty—the cinematography. Chef’s kiss. Gorgeous blue skies and blue sea. It looks exactly like I remember. Beautiful. Also, lots of ouzo. Chloe’s shudder when she does a shot is so relatable. That stuff is disgusting, and, man, it burns all the way down.

 The movie itself is solid. The story centers around a relationship that mimics a train wreck (and the soundtrack does, too)—fascinating, speedy, and gripping. I shook my head many, many, many times. So many choices made that just weren’t good ideas. The thing is that pretty much all of them were understandable for these characters. I kept thinking over and over, “bless their hearts.”

 Yes, there is a lot of nudity. Yes, there is (very brief) full frontal. I did not find it distracting or out of place. There’s also a lot of sex. For the most part, those scenes were organic and made sense. Only one was a little bit surprising. That blue couch… Major side eye.

 Mickey ended up with a twist I didn’t know was coming, and that helped humanize him as more than a frat boy with Peter Pan syndrome. He’s charming and manipulative and loving and jealous and insecure. I know men like him, and some of my friends are married to them. They are wonderful people, and I could never live with any of them (not that I would live with a friend’s husband, but you know what I mean). The ending shot of him is so full of hope and sweetness and tenderness, and I was mad because I knew it was the end of the movie. I wanted to see where that went, and now I’ll only be able to imagine it. People who don’t like open endings will hate this one, but I thought it was completely apropos for Monday. Sebastian plays Mickey will all the nuance and charm and insecurity I expected. He does wounded so well. He does chaotic even better.

 Denise Gough is a fantastic actor. Chloe, her character, was an enigma to me. She’s supposed to be the serious, responsible one that tempers Mickey’s wild side, but the two times when things go off the rails, she’s the instigator. I find those choices fascinating and completely understandable for someone who’s been holding things together and really desperately wants to cut loose. Unfortunately, when she does that with Mickey, it’s bad, bad, bad, bad.

 MAJOR SPOILERS

 Mickey’s got a six-year-old son, and the only way the mother will let him see his kid is if he and Chloe are physically together and in a committed relationship. Because Chloe knows that, she’s trapped. If she leaves, Mickey loses visitation rights with his son. If she stays, she might implode. Together, the two are both wonderful and absolutely terrible for each other.

 Chloe gets pregnant and has an abortion without telling Mickey. I assume it was his, but it could have been Chloe’s ex-boyfriend’s. It’s not that easy to figure out how much time has passed, but it’s at least a few months for the entire movie. When she tells Mickey and he isn’t upset, she’s furious, but they’re interrupted and end up running back to Mickey’s motorcycle. He seems ready to drive them home, but Chloe wants to go to the beach—naked on a motorcycle. It’s a really bad plan. They’re high and drunk. Mickey hesitates and then agrees. All hell breaks loose, which leads to Monday—the reality of their messed up but very real relationship.

 Mickey interrupts the entertainment at a wedding to drunkenly ask Chloe to marry him. He’s just been confronted by his friend about ruining everything good in his life and not to do it. He’s jealous of Chloe’s ex, who happens to also be at the wedding. He’s scared to death of messing things up, so of course he does exactly that. It’s cringe-worthy, and I watched it through my fingers due to secondhand embarrassment. There’s a shot when Mickey’s looking in a mirror, and we can see all the pain and hurt and fear in him. It was like seeing Bucky in Greece.

 Why is Chloe’s ex-boyfriend so awful? We don’t know, but it’s clear it was a bad breakup, which makes her rebound with Mickey understandable. The problem is that both of them ended up falling in love, and now they can’t figure out how to fix it. I hope they do. I really do, because the affection and love and chemistry they have is beautiful when they’re open and honest and authentic with each other.

 Mickey’s ex-bandmate…I don’t even know what to say about her. She’s a nightmare. And Chloe’s friend Stephanie needs to a major attitude adjustment. Baby Mama (I don’t remember her name) is super angry. These three characters are just wow.

 There are some gaps. There’s not a complex plot, but this movie puts the relationship of two flawed but genuinely good-hearted people at the forefront and asks us to cheer for them when they aren’t easy to cheer for. In short, Monday is a movie that anyone who’s been in love can understand if they’ve ever been absolutely terrified to lose the person they love. The desperation to hold onto something good is painful to watch, but it’s a gorgeous journey. 

[fyeah-bangtan7]

BTS' V on His Upcoming Mixtape, His Love of 'The Godfather,' and Being a 'Secret Member'

"When they said I was a hidden member, I actually thought I'd been cut from the team," V says

From the start, singer-songwriter-producer V was BTS’ secret weapon. His rich, deep voice is a pleasing contrast to his fellow singers’ ever-higher high notes, and he’s not afraid to delve into full-on bedroom R&B, as on the downright sultry neo-soul track “Intro: Singularity.” With a love of jazz and classical music, V began his musical life as a saxophone player, and has the most eclectic list of influences of any member of BTS, from Sammy Davis Jr. to Sam Cooke to Coldplay (BTS’ recent cover of “Fix You” was apparently his idea). Wearing a black newsboy-style hat, a zipped-up black parka, and a white mask in his label’s headquarters one morning in April, he sipped orange juice and talked about his upcoming mixtape, his Elvis Presley fandom, his favorite movies, and more.

I know yesterday you did a variety show for the first time in a long time. How was that? It was our first appearance in five years. So I was really nervous and I was really tense. So I didn’t get a lot of sleep. But then actually when we showed up yesterday for the actual shoot, the host of the program was really kind and really accommodating. So everything went really well. I felt really comfortable. And then this morning, because of our interview, I also didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.

I’m sorry about that! [Laughs] No, no, no, no, no.

I know you had been working very hard on your mixtape, and it’s been delayed, and I think you feel a lot of pressure to make it right. How’s it going now? We’ve worked and made music as a group, and as a group only. So working on my own tape means that I have to do everything related to all the songs on the album. I have to take part in writing the lyrics and the melodies for all the songs and the production process. So, it is a bit of a pressure to bear all of the load that is distributed among the other members for a group album. So it is tough. But what is good about it is it gives me an opportunity to show who I am, and show the music that really has the color of Kim Taehyung, the color of V, to our ARMY. So that’s great opportunity of course, and that’s what makes creating this mixtape so much fun and fulfilling.

So, what is your current prediction for when you will put it out? I originally thought of releasing it last year. But it turned out to be more harder and more complex than I imagined that it would be. So then I thought I would release it early this year. But again, it turned out to be a bit more tough than I thought it would be! So now I’m looking at the end of this year.

You already had the solo song “Sweet Night,” from a TV soundtrack. What did you take away from the experience of making that? That was released as part of a soundtrack for someone I knew really well [actor and former cast-mate Park Seo-joon]. but it was actually originally made as part of my mixtape. It’s one of my personal songs. That song started out from me feeling that I really wanted a good night’s sleep.

“Blue and Gray” is a gorgeous song. You said you wrote it about a time when work was really hard for you and you weren’t happy. What was it about the work that was hard? That was when the Covid pandemic was just really expanding and becoming serious. We had prepared really hard to show ARMY our “On” performances. And what I was finding difficult at the time was not being able to show what we practiced and prepared so hard. I was telling all ARMY on social media, “Get ready, we’re about to show you these great performances!” So that was really frustrating and difficult and it made me sad. I think there was a measure of being tired and really sort of burned out a little bit from the work as well.

Were there any good points of this year off the road? It allowed me to really focus on something. Pre-Covid, I was so busy that I couldn’t really concentrate on one thing or really focus on something new. If I wanted to do a new thing, I was really forced to sort of be a dilettante. I couldn’t dive deep. But during the last year I had more time. In my work, I really tried to do more producing and then go more in-depth on my music. My melodies before were not that complex, or intricate, I thought. But I was able to focus more energy into it, to listen to more music, and really sort of think about more things. And that, I think, helped me to really dive into the producing aspect of making music. And I had a lot of time to come up with good melodies, and also had a lot of time to just sort of sit and vegetate. [Laughs] And that also helped me.

I know that you like many different kinds of music. Tell me about some of your musical heroes. My musical heroes are constantly changing by the hour almost. So yesterday, you know, it was Elvis Presley. And today might be somebody else. This is sort of my personal preference, but I think I like the older Elvis Presley, the Elvis Presley of his later years. There are many famous Elvis songs, but I feel like there’s a lot of songs that are more hidden, and not as prominent in the song discography. So, what I’m trying to do, and what I want to do, is listen to every single song, even if it’s just one minute of the song. Both the big songs and even the songs that are sort of hidden among the tracks.

There’s some great 1950s ones as well, but you’re right, late-period songs like “Kentucky Rain” and “Suspicious Minds” are some of his best. If you can recommend some must-listen Elvis Presley songs, I’ll listen to them!

I’ll get a playlist to you. So what was it like to be a “secret member” before BTS’ debut? To be perfectly, perfectly honest, when they said I was a hidden member, I actually thought I’d been cut from the team.

So can you laugh about that now or is it still a little bit traumatic? I can laugh about it now for sure. As long as I can sort of toss around our CEO, our label’s boss, and shake him around a little bit by his cuffs. But yes, I can laugh about it.

I’ve heard you like old movies. What are some of your favorites? I like old movies, but also movies that are classics but not super old. Like for example, The Godfather was a movie that I really enjoyed. And Reservoir Dogs is one of my all-time favorite movies. The Godfather I actually watched recently. A friend of mine had told me, “It’s really long, I fell asleep in the middle of it.” And I thought, “Is it that boring?” And then I watched it and I was really moved by it, especially the charisma of the godfather [Marlon Brando], and all the actors and the direction and the production. And again, his charisma, and his commanding presence during the film.

You did some acting of your own in the TV drama Hwarang. Do you want to do more of that going forward? It’s something that I’m thinking about after I turn 30.

© source

[arctic-comet]

Osblaine week 2021, Day 2: Lyrics

Over the last several weeks, I have carefully curated a playlist for Osblaine. The final total length of the playlist is 2 hours and 53 minutes.

The playlist can be found HERE

Click "Keep Reading" if you're interested in the introduction, commentary, more graphics and the full tracklist.

For full disclosure, I have to give some of the credit to my amazing fellow Osblaine fangirls @dystopiandramaqueen, @splitscreen and everyone who participated in a certain conversation for the original inspiration and even bringing up some of the songs.

You should look at the playlist in five parts: one section for each season that's aired and one section for the future (because I like to end things on a hopeful note).

The playlist contains a lot of the following:

Music from movie and TV soundtracks

Instrumental music

Remixes

Classics and covers of classics

Country music. I blame Florida. My sincerest apologies.

Some of the songs were chosen because they reminded me of a certain Osblaine scene, and some of them aren't specific to particular scenes but chosen for the general Osblaine vibe. And most of the movie/TV music I chose have been used for couples that remind me of Nick and June.

Part I- Season 1, first 12 songs of the playlist:

Forbidden Love- Abel Korzeniowski, Jasper Randall, The Hollywood Studio Symphony (Romeo & Juliet)

Fireflies- Owl City

Echoes in Rain- Enya

My Ghost- Glass Pear (Bones)

Daring to Hope- Anne Dudley (Poldark)

Everytime We Touch- Cascada

1000 Times- Sara Bareilles

Too Good At Goodbyes- Sam Smith

In Case You Don't Live Forever- Ben Platt

To Find You- Cast of Sing Street, Brenock O’Connor

She- Elvis Costello (Notting Hill)

Miracle- Instrumental- Cö Shu Nie

Hanging By A Moment- Lifehouse

Commentary:

The first instrumental song IMO works as an intro for their entire love story.

The next two songs are more about having the right vibe. It's a little ambiguous and dark because that's how their life is in Gilead.

Leave my door open just a crack

Please take me away from here

'Cause I feel like such an insomniac

Please take me away from here

Why do I tire of counting sheep?

Please take me away from here

When I'm far too tired to fall asleep

***

Wait for the sun

Watching the sky

Black as a crow

Night passes by

Taking the stars

So far away

Everything flows

Here comes another new day

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

***

"My Ghost" is June's POV before they sleep together, wondering if she can trust Nick:

Who can you trust, in this place?

And whom can I put my faith?

If you're real, then show me now,

Who you are

The last two songs are for episode 1x10, for both Nick’s reaction to June’s pregnancy and the beginning of her first escape attempt (arranged by Nick).

She may be the face I can't forget The trace of pleasure or regret May be my treasure or the price I have to pay She may be the song that summer sings Maybe the chill that autumn brings Maybe a hundred different things Within the measure of a day

Part II- Season 2, next 10 songs:

Love Will Keep Us Alive- Eagles

So Easy- Phillip Phillips

Incomplete- James Bay

Rewrite the Stars- The Piano Guys (The Greatest Showman)

I’ll Be Your Shelter- Taylor Dayne

Love Never Fails- Brandon Heath

P.S. I Love You- 05:11- John Powell (P.S. I Love You)

It's A Girl- Mychel Danna (The Time Traveler's Wife)

I'll Stand By You- Josh Groban, Helene Fischer

The Miracle of Love- Eurythmics

Commentary:

The first four songs cover June’s escape attempt and the time they share at the Boston Globe.

"Incomplete" is Nick's POV from when she's on the run and he knows she'll be gone from his life soon. He lives in the moment.

I don't wanna look down

I don't want us to break up in the clouds

All I want is to stay us, to stay with you now

"I'll Be Your Shelter" is for when June's mental health is at its lowest point and he goes to Serena to beg for her to get June help.

What you need is a friend to count on

What you got baby you got someone

Who will stay when the rain is fallin'

And won't let it fall on you

P.S. I Love You takes me back to episode 2.09, Nick’s selflessness in the episode and of course the scene where after telling June that Luke loves her, he tells her that he loves her too, despite believing she probably doesn’t feel the same way.

It's A Girl makes me think of the beautiful moment they share during June's false labor when he helps her out of the van and they climb the steps together.

I’ll Stand By You is for 2.10, Nick holding June after she was heartbroken over Hannah and over what the Waterfords did to her and clinging onto him.

Part III- Season 3, next 6 songs:

Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close- Alexandre Desplat (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)

All I Ask- Adele

Never Enough- Loren Allred (The Greatest Showman)

I Don’t Wanna Live Forever- Taylor Swift, ZAYN (Fifty Shades Darker)

Love is Gone- SLANDER, Dylan Matthew

Constellations- The Oh Hellos

Commentary:

For obvious reasons, it was extremely difficult to pick songs for this season.

The first (instrumental) song is for the beginning of the season with June coming back to the Waterford house and them then saying goodbye to each other on the street.

All I Ask, Never Enough, I Don't Wanna Live Forever and Love Is Gone are for their night together in June’s room at Lawrence’s (the one we didn’t get to see sigh). They know it's possible it's all they'll ever have, and they'll take it, but it'll never be enough.

I will leave my heart at the door I won't say a word They've all been said before, you know So why don't we just play pretend? Like we're not scared of what's coming next Or scared of having nothing left

Look, don't get me wrong I know there is no tomorrow All I ask is

If this is my last night with you Hold me like I'm more than just a friend Give me a memory I can use Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do It matters how this ends 'Cause what if I never love again?

***

All the shine of a thousand spotlights

All the stars we steal from the night sky

Will never be enough

Never be enough

Towers of gold are still too little

These hands could hold the world but it'll

Never be enough

Never be enough

***

I'm sorry, don't leave me, I want you here with me

I know that your love is gone

I can't breathe, I'm so weak, I know this isn't easy

Don't tell me that your love is gone

That your love is gone

"Constellations" is for their long separation and the doubts that I'm sure plagued them both during it. Would they ever see each other again?

Part IV- S4, next 12 songs:

All of Me- John Legend

(Everything I do) I Do It For You- Bryan Adams

Iris- Natalie Taylor (City of Angels)

She Was Like A Bright Light- Hans Zimmer, Rupert Greyson-Williams (Winter’s Tale)

Noah's Last Letter- Aaron Zigman (The Notebook)

What’s In The Middle- the bird and the bee (Bones)

ivy- Taylor Swift

Footprints in the Sand- Leona Lewis

Remember Me (Lullaby)- Gael Garcia Bernal, Gabriella Flores (Coco)

On The Nature Of Daylight- Max Richter

My Heart Will Go On- Basil Jose (Titanic)

The Story- Sara Ramirez (Grey's Anatomy)

Commentary:

There were sooo many songs I wanted to include in part IV, but I controlled myself and ended up with this particular dozen.

"She Was Like A Bright Light" and "Noah’s Last Letter" are an instrumental double punch to the gut for Nick’s time in Gilead during episodes 4.07-4.09. The first one is meant for when he finds out June made it to Canada, and the 2nd for is for when he starts to gather info on Hannah to give to June.

"What’s in the Middle" and "ivy" are June’s POV of episodes 4.07-4.09.

"What's In The Middle" has more of an angry and confused vibe, and June was definitely both in episodes 7 and 8.

Losing your head is such a common theme

All your brains are falling out, falling out the open seams

Where is the heart, is the heart of the matter

I will empty out my skull of all this useless chatter

On the other hand, "ivy" has this haunted vibe, but there's also reverence and acceptance, which she begins to achieve in episode 9.

Oh, goddamn

My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

Taking mine, but it's been promised to another

Oh, I can't

Stop you putting roots in my dreamland

My house of stone, your ivy grows

And now I'm covered in you

The next three songs are of course all for their reunion in 4.09, and I couldn’t resist including the song that was actually played in the scene.

"The Story" draws the season to a close nicely, with June understanding that her current needs are different from what they used to be and that there’s someone who understands her completely (and it’s not Luke).

You see the smile that's on my mouth

It's hiding the words that don't come out

And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed

They don't know my head is a mess

No, they don't know who I really am

And they don't know what I've been through like you do

And I was made for you

Part V- Season 5 and Beyond, the last 6 songs

Secret Love Song- Little Mix, Jason Derulo

Burn With You- Lea Michele

The Bones- Maren Morris

Feels Like Home- Auli'i Carvalho, Keegan DeWitt

Love Will Find A Way- Piano Covers (Lion King II)

Like I'll Never Love You Again- Carrie Underwood

“Secret Love Song” is a more angsty tune about a love that’s still kept a secret like June and Nick’s love (as far as most people are concerned). Now that they’ve already made out in front of the man who raped and abused June and made Nick watch him do that, I want to believe they can let go of the secrecy in S5, at least when it comes to a few people.

I'm living for that day Someday Can I hold you in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dancefloor? I wish that we could be like that Why can't we it be like that? Cause I'm yours, I'm yours Why can't you hold me in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dancefloor? I wish that it could be like that Why can't it be like that? Cause I'm yours Why can't I say that I'm in love? I wanna shout it from the rooftops I wish that it could be like that Why can't we be like that? Cause I'm yours Why can't we be like that? Wish we could be like that

***

“Bones” is about a relationship with a strong foundation, which IMO they do have. It will carry them in the future, too. They’re more into each other now than ever before and especially June is coming to terms with how strong that love is. They’ll weather any storm.

When the bones are good, the rest don't matter

Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter

Let it break 'cause you and I remain the same

When there ain't a crack in the foundation

Baby, I know any storm we're facing

Will blow right over while we stay put

The house don't fall when the bones are good

***

“Feels Like Home” is more hopeful. Their home is with each other and I hope that’s something that will be explored more in the future.

Take me, I'm ready

Go slow but go steady

To a place that we can call our own

I wanna know what feels like home

***

“Like I’ll Never Love You Again” is a good conclusion for the playlist. It’s hopeful and a testament to an epic love.

I wanna love you like the rain on a roof

Stronger than a bottle of a hundred ten proof

I wanna take love to places that love has never been

Yeah, I wanna love you like I'll never love you again

And I'll love you again

Oh, and again

[starlight-phantom]

Top 5 Sonic Games?

1 - Sonic Adventure 2 Battle, ngl very biased because this game was my entire childhood. But it also has my favourite level design (I am begging for someone to watch ZoomZike's analysis's of the level designs in this game because they are genius and goddamn I miss when levels were like this and not just corridors), favourite tone of story (i.e has darker tones but not so in your face that they're edgy like a certain game that won't be mentioned and not babified and bland like the newer games) and the Chao garden. Just the Chao garden... It's beautiful. Now I'm not gonna lie to you or myself; this game ain't perfect. The camera sucks at times, the translations are really weird and the sound mixing is god awful. That and there are some levels that haunt my nightmares (Still dread having to play Mad Space...). But overall, it's still a ton of fun to play and has aged a lot better than the first Adventure game. This was the first game to ever make me cry. Also Live And Learn slaps.

2 - Sonic Unleashed, yeah the werehog stages are kinda... Eh. If they had a better system, I think the beat 'em sections would work pretty well. B u t, this game has so many amazing things like the soundtrack, the freaking opening cutscene is still one of the best cutscenes in the entire franchise, the graphics still look incredible which is pretty amazing when you remember the game came out in 2008. And in my opinion, this game has some of the best writing for Sonic himself. Look to this game to see why I love Sonic. You really see all the little ways he cares for his friends. A L S O, best vocal performance for me, everytime I replay this game, I miss Jason Griffith more and more. Plus, just blazing through levels and hearing Sonic shout "Whoo!" And "Feelin' good!" Just puts a smile on my face without fail.

3 - Sonic Adventure, excluding Big's story and Amy's playstyle (I was a wimpy kid, I didn't like levels where you had to run away from things and that was Amy's entire story) It's just so much fun. The levels are fun, I enjoy the overworlds, the story's interesting, I love Tikal and Chaos, the music is great and that final boss was amazing as a kid. Plus, it had some great character arcs, like Tails' growth from scared sidekick to kicking Eggman's ass all by himself was great and I still love Gamma's story so much...

4 - Sonic Heroes, the controls are way too slippery but when you spent a large portion of your childhood playing the game, you get used to them and find work arounds. Granted, you shouldn't have to do that but eh... Whatever. I love games with loads of playable characters so this was perfect for me. This one is really quite a cheerful game for me, from the bright levels and upbeat music, it just reminds me of playing outside in the backgarden and then coming inside and playing this game to get out of the sun for a while. It's a silly little thing but it's nostalgic. But having to play through the same levels four times to unlock the last story is still annoying...

5 - Sonic Rush, it's the game that introduced Blaze of course I love it. But in all seriousness, it's really fun. It did introduce the boost mechanic, which I hold against it nowadays because now that's all you do in the newer games... But I feel like it works better in 2D. Plus thanks to it being on the DS, the infamous halfpipe special stages are now ridiculously easy because you can precisely control them with the stylus. I love how the two stories interconnect and Blaze's growth throughout hers. And I really wish they would bring back Burning Blaze because it was so much fun seeing an alternate Super form. And to top it all off, a soundtrack composed by Hideki Naganuma aka Mr "Ain't nothing but a funky beat" himself. What's not to love?

I know some people will take offense to there only being modern Sonic games on here but the reason for that is, I'm good at the 3D games.... I suck at the classics. I always preferred to watch my mum play them instead of playing them myself. Yes, I have practised. Yes, I still suck.

[bosmermage]

Breathe, Breathe, Breathe.

Whumptober Day 10 Oops I did it Again (Flare Up)  Characters: Time, ensemble cast Suggested Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5e1zT7miep8 

The weather was shit. It had been shit for the last week, and goddesses knew it would continue to be shit for however long it saw fit. Of course, this would be the time the portals dried up and decided to give them a rest on the small remote island at the very height of rainy season. Not a single one of his boys was free from the aches and pains that the ever changing weather had inflicted on them.

Four was under the weather with horrific migraines that left everyone literally tiptoeing around to try and spare him any more pain in the little dark blanket nest Wind had created for him. Legend was wrapped up on the bed, glaring at anyone who so much as breathed in his general direction, hands so swollen they were devoid of any of the rings that generally decorated them. Sky, Wars, and Wild had both been itching at their necks, arms, and sides, old scars painfully tight and itchy in the weather. Hyrule had taken to alternatively pacing in a way that made everyone else in the tiny cabana want to scream and propping himself up against the wall near tears thanks to a vague burning pain in his skin, and a deep ache in his muscles that left him unable to find a comfortable position. Twilight was swinging his arm about, rubbing at it and wincing every time he did. Wind was also, unfortunately, wringing his hands, clutching at his elbows and wiggling around on the floor like a disgruntled eel. Goddess, all of them were so young to be laid up by a storm like someone Talon's age.

Another hiss emanated from the bed duo after a particularly loud thud from Hyrule sitting back down against the wall interrupted the tense silence. If Time didn't do something soon crimes were going to be committed, and he didn't want to have to clean up after that.

He sighed deeply before bolstering his reserve against the sleepy haze the weather had put him in. He got up and plodded over to the resident cook. A plan was forming in his mind and he'd need all the help he could get. Wild was looking up at him expectantly and, belatedly, Time realized he'd been staring, lost in his thoughts.

“Wild, would you mind helping me in the kitchen?” He blinked the last of the reverie away and smiled warmly when Wild nodded up at him with a kind smile before hopping up to grab the mother of all items, saviour of food and medicine alike, the shiekah slate. He paused again then trotted off into the kitchen, seemingly happy for the diversion. Time caught himself and scurried after.

“So? What were you thinking?” Wild was already flipping through his slate, hovering over ingredients with a smile creeping across his face like a morning glory vine.

“Well first of all we need more clove oil, and I was thinking some kind of soup, and maybe hot chocolate as a treat for all of you for putting up with the week from hell.” Wild perked up at the mention of getting to make hot chocolate. As it was, Time was put up with the task of extracting the medium pot and setting it out to heat up without waking the ire of the two ill-est who looked at all times a single loud noise away from calling down the wrath of the heavens. It was a good thing he had a lot of experience with moving silently.

Wild on the other hand was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet at the idea of getting to make hot chocolate again. It had been months since anyone had the heart to use the expensive ingredient Ravio had gifted to them, and Wild had since learned all the favourite additions of the chain from the nightly warm milk Time had been so lovingly preparing for them in the absence of true hot chocolate. Wars, Twilight, and Four liked honey, Sky liked nutmeg, Wind and Legend liked lavender. Wild had the additions all ready and set out in waiting mugs, including cool safflina for himself and time, as Time sauntered back for the cloves. Time let out a soft huff at the proud beaming smile lighting up the younger's face.

Quickly, the oil heated up the cloves into an all encompassing smell that permeated the air and had the heroes relaxing at the idea of getting to massage the medicine into their aches and pains. Quite a few, including Time and Wild let out soft sighs at the familiar scent. Between Time and Twilight they had a seemingly endless supply of lanolin to cut the oil with and that was set up in a large bowl with plenty of fresh chopped warm safflina from Wild's era set to the side. Time made a note to scour the cabana when he was done, lest Wind's island be overrun with the wild creeping plant.

When he turned his eyes up from preparing the base for the salve, Wild had already dragged Twilight and Wind into the kitchen, conducting the making of the stock with a practised, brutal, efficiency that the other two were barely managing to keep up with. The rest of the heros were either too ill to help, or otherwise had wisely busied themselves with their noses in various crafts and repairs. It was almost tranquil, between the homey scent, the pattering of rain on the walls, the various sounds of soft, synchronized breathing. It would be tranquil, though, when they were done. Time kept his movements quick in time with the soft humming Wind had started. They mowed through the vegetables like grass and the stock was set to simmer the goodness out of the ingredients all day. Dinner would be good.

Wind flopped back onto the mattress the instant he was finished, barely making a face when Sky pulled him in closer to lay down properly beside him. Twilight laughed, a little breathless sound, before going to retrieve the rotating cold compress from outside the front door. He padded over to change out the rag with the one already, likely too warm, on the smithy's forehead. Time was over the fire, whisking at the milk to make it heat properly, Wild was mirroring Twilight, fussing over the vet where the other fussed over the smith both with syringes in hand. Wars had introduced the heroes to the nigh magical properties of medicinally distilled poppy seed, always carried in little ampules deposited by the army into the med kits he'd outfitted everyone with, and prescribed for the very worst pains that potions and fairy magic couldn't manage to keep at bay.

The sky had darkened so much in the little interlude of activity Time was half convinced someone had been messing with the sun song again, and the mood got infinitely cozier in the dwindling light of the cooking fire. The ones not bustling around in the kitchen found themselves cuddled up together on the bed and spare mattress, soaking in the warmth the little house was dripping with. Hot cocoa and lighter painkillers were passed around into grateful waiting hands, Legend and Four were leaning on their self appointed caretakers, relief clear on their faces. It was a nice way to pass a painful afternoon.

By the time mugs were drained, more than half their number was sleeping peacefully. Time went around, pulling them back into blankets, collecting discarded mugs as he went. The clove oil had reduced enough to be useful and while Twilight sent himself to clean out the mugs dutifully, Time strained the oil into the lanolin carefully, mixing it all the while. When the entire mixture was set down to cool he dumped in the safflina, giving it a good stir with the medicine spoon. Time thumbed the little snake Sky had lovingly carved into the handle with a fond smile as he did. Twilight paused by the table to scrape the last of the safflina into the bowl and Time paused his stirring to pull him into a gentle hug, tucking his head under his jaw for a beat.

“Thank you for the help kiddo,” Twilight smiled into the hug for a beat before pushing away. For the first time in days the smile danced in his eyes like fairy light and the sight nearly brought tears to Time's own. He settled for patting his son's cheek with a soft smile of his own, a matching set. Twilight hovered a moment longer before zipping back off with his prize of dirty dishes to clean. And like that, the oil had cooled in the lanolin enough to be a serviceable salve.

He got Twi first, he slapped a grease covered hand down the other's shirt with an all too innocent smile blooming over his face when he got an indignant gasp and a splash of sudsy water for his trouble. Wind was next, too sleepy to complain about being cared for. Sky shot Time a conspiratorial smile as the salve got rubbed into the sailor's no doubt agonized elbows and a blissful smile spread across his face. A minty concoction of cool safflina was pulled out of Sky's own pocket and Time nodded approvingly as Sky soothed his own scars. He moved onto Hyrule next who gave a soft smile before turning around and letting Time rub the salve into his shoulders while he worked on his own knees. He was asleep in minutes of the treatment and Time paused his war path to tuck the exhausted boy properly into bed. Legend was next, and while he wasn't awake, his hands were easy to massage the warm salve into. He hadn't realized it was possible for Legend to look any more peaceful in his sleep but he was wrong as the pink haired hero practically melted into the bed, out cold to the world as his pains were soothed.

“Here, let me,” Sky murmured, he'd appeared at Wild's side with the safflina salve and Wild nodded gently, moving his hair out of the way so Sky could rub the salve into the spot between his shoulders he could never reach himself.

Wars also took his portion willingly when Sky bustled over and woke him gently. The blissful look on his face as he applied it making Time's heart sing with relief. They would overcome this too.

He settled into the chair by the fire, pulling out the knitting project he had been working on, content to watch over the simmering soup to the peaceful background of the dozing family he had built and his own soft humming. He was completely content.

[5bi5]

We have known about the vampires in this town for a long time now.

Our whole way of living is sort of built around it, actually. The whole water supply is holy water – the water in our taps, in our pools, in our fire hydrants. I've always thought if I had to kill a vampire I'd want to do it with a fire hydrant. You have to think about these things, you know. They teach you in school: wear a cross, carry a stake, hang garlic over your door. Never invite someone into your home unless you are certain you can trust them. And for God's sake, don't go walking alone after dark without some kind of weapon handy.

Things happen, of course. Things are always happening. People will just quietly disappear – most of the time the bodies are never recovered – and although it can't technically be said for certain just what happened, everyone knows. And then they talk. In hushed voices, in places where the family of the deceased – sorry, the "missing, presumed dead" – can't hear them, they talk. She must have done something wrong, they whisper. If she had just worn a cross like she was supposed to, if she had just stayed inside after dark, this would never have happened. Stupid girl – this was always bound to happen to her.

We all grew up watching those same vampire movies as everyone else. Dracula, Nosferatu, even Twilight. Let me tell you something: vampires don't sparkle. There is no sure way to identify a vampire until it's too late. Until there's no time to reach for that stake that you always keep in your purse, that if you could just get to it, maybe you could save yourself, fuck, where is it, where is your purse – there's no time for that. You're already dead.

Although I grew up knowing about the vampires, constantly hearing warnings and rules and stories, I didn't see one (not knowingly, at least) until I was twenty. At this point, although I knew theoretically that I could be attacked on any given day and it was important to be prepared, subconsciously I had begun to believe that it was never going to happen to me. I'd never so much as glimpsed a vampire in two decades, and everyone just droned about them constantly. Surely, if it were going to happen, it would have happened by now.

So, as I cooked a romantic dinner for myself and my boyfriend of three months, the threat of vampires seemed as distant as the possibility of an anvil falling out of the sky and crushing me to death. I was gearing myself up to tell him I loved him for the first time; I was not a romantic person by nature, but things had been going really well so far, so I wanted to make an effort. That effort also included making coq au vin and, in the interest of staying as kissable as possible, omitting the two cloves of garlic which the recipe called for.

That particular evening was one of the darkest and rainiest I had seen in some time, so when my boyfriend showed up twenty minutes late and apologizing profusely, I just told him not to worry, and ushered him in out of the rain.

"Why don't you take a shower while I get dinner on the table?" I suggested. "I can give you a pair of sweatpants and a t shirt." I wasn't really sure my clothes would fit him, but he was soaking and shivering, and he took me up on my offer right away. At worst, I got to see him in a too-tight shirt, right?

I gave him the biggest t shirt and sweatpants I owned, and I set about pouring wine and dishing up soup. In the interest of both warmth and atmosphere, I dug out just about every candle I owned – which, to be fair, was only a handful – and set them on the coffee table, where we could admire them without the smell mingling with the scent of the food. By the time everything was ready, he was back, wearing my sweats and shirt. They fit him better than I would have guessed, but he was still clearly uncomfortable, frowning and tugging at the shirt hem to stop it from riding up. It wasn't exactly the start I had pictured to our perfect romantic night, but hey, if something had to go wrong, this didn't seem so bad, right?

"You look cute." I said, grabbing his hand away from his hem and squeezing it in both of mine. "Come on, Griff, let's just have some dinner."

Griff gave me what might have been a forced smile, and sat down. "Thanks for making this."

"Happy to." I smiled back and took my seat across from him. I decided to wait until his mood improved a little before I sprang the whole "I love you" thing on him. I didn't want to freak him out.

We ate mostly in silence, and I regretted not thinking of a romantic soundtrack to put on. By the time we finished, I was desperate for some kind of noise – or just something to take the sullen expression off of Griff's face – so I suggested we watch a movie. We settled on The Hangover; again, not exactly how I had hoped the evening would go, but whatever made Griff happy.

It didn't take long for his attention to wander away from watching the movie and towards kissing me, which was all fine as far as I was concerned. Good thing I'd left out that garlic, right? I closed my eyes and leaned into the kiss, trying to parse whether this was the right moment to tell him. Before I could decide, however, he suddenly sprang away from me with a gasp.

When I opened my eyes, it was obvious what had happened, but my brain refused to register it. That burn mark in the shape of a cross had been there before I leaned towards him, hadn't it? It wasn't from my cross, the one I always wore around my neck, was it? It wasn't from any cross, of course not, my eyes were playing tricks on me.

I wish I hadn't wasted precious seconds processing all of this. Maybe I could have done something, said something, at least moved, before he was tearing the cross off of my neck with another pained yelp and leaning back over me. The jig was up now, and it was clear that unlike me, he wasn't wasting any time.

I wish also that I could say I survived through some great, heroic moment, but that's not what happened. I just sat there, shellshocked, until his mouth reached my neck and he began to bite – and then my body seemed to act of its own volition, thrusting him away from me with both hands. This caught him off guard, and he fell backwards, landing directly on top of every candle I owned. His shirt – my shirt – caught fire, and he dashed out the door into the rain.

At the very least, I can say that I made the conscious decision to lock the door, and then barricade it with a table. That's about all I managed to do before collapsing on the couch, back into the same spot I had been just minutes beforehand, and burst into tears. I didn't even bother trying to stop the blood leeching from my neck; I just cried until at some point I eventually fell asleep.

They taught us so much about preventing vampire attacks that it never even occurred to me before that moment that I had never been taught what to do if one did take place. Maybe it was assumed that if you got attacked by a vampire, you weren't surviving. Still, that seemed to nullify the point of carrying stakes and wearing crosses and blessing the water and whatnot. Maybe it was because everyone in this town seemed to believe that if you got attacked by a vampire, it was your fault – if you were smart, you wouldn't be out after dark in the first place, now would you?

Except I wasn't out after dark. I was wearing a cross. I survived. And now I had to continue surviving with no idea how to proceed. I couldn't ask anyone, either – even if they didn't lecture me to my face, surely they would whisper about me behind my back. Stupid girl, didn't even realize her own boyfriend was a vampire. What was she doing, inviting him into the house, when he clearly wasn't trustworthy? She should have known better.

For days, I stayed in my apartment, afraid to go out. I showered, with holy water, of course – except, weeks later, it dawned on me that Griff should have been hurt by the holy water. So, what was the truth? Was holy water not really an effective weapon against vampires, as we had always been taught, or was the water we had always been told was holy not really holy at all?

I did the best to cover the wound on my neck with makeup and collared shirts. There was no one there to see it, but I couldn't bear to look at it, and when it wasn't covered, I couldn't stop. I'd just stand in front of the mirror and stare at my neck, thinking of everything I should have done differently. Still, I was alive, wasn't I?

Wasn't I?

The first time I went out, it was to gather supplies: more stakes, more crosses, more garlic. Matches, bottles, spirits, and rags. Knives, too, although I didn't know if they would help or not. I wasn't really sure what I knew anymore.

The second time I went out, it was to hunt. No more being shocked, no more being attacked in my own home. I was taking the fight to them. After all, what was the point in trying to stay somewhere safe if nowhere was safe? What was the point in following the rules if they weren't going to protect me?

The vampires in this town have known about us for a long time now. What started as a solo effort has now grown into a small movement, which I'm proud to say consists of several people whom I saved from vampires. People who, like me, had no instructions on how to proceed – except for the ones that I gave them.

Of course, they've had time to prepare now. They protect their hearts more carefully, they don't reveal that they're vampires until they're alone with a victim, they even carry what I assume is non-holy water to put out any fires we might start. Often, our efforts feel futile; sometimes I'll go hunting several times and not come across anyone I can say for certain is a vampire. It's hard to know for sure if I'm making the right call. Sometimes it feels as if I am making no difference at all, as if I am still sitting on the couch doing nothing.

Still, things happen.