#i even didnt take my medication today WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME

[m00ngbin]

I've worked so hard to have a good day today it feels like I'm digging my nails into the edge of a cliff

[ripleylove]

Safe in my embrace.

requested by anonymous saying: I love your writing and no pressure. Would you be comfortable writing a story about reader protecting Don from Liv. You can have full creative control. I just need something to get my mind away from the ick. But like I said if you're not comfortable, no worries.

pairing: Dominik Mysterio x fem reader.

genre: fluff and a bit of angst.

summary: With Liv pulling her usual stunts,you finally had enough of her uncomfortable advances to Dominik,and you decided to teach her a lesson to protect your boyfriend.

warnings: the whole liv and dom storyline,mention of SA,reader fighting liv

A/N: I hate this storyline I hate this storyline I hate this storyline

(this is based on the raw events of july 1st also lets pretend dom won and rey didnt)

⋆ ˚｡⋆𔓘⭒๋࣭

It all started with that kiss.

You knew Dominik wasn't at fault in all of this,hell,he was the victim.

He was the one that didn't consent to this at all,he was the one who wasn't liking this one bit and he was the one being a victim of sexual assault from Liv.

And this got worse every single week.

This week though, you really had enough.

While watching Dominik and Rey's match backstage,you felt someone's shoulder colliding with yours,almost making you lose balance.

"What the fuck?" You said,trying to look for the culprit,that you quickly found.

In fact,in front of you,there was Liv Morgan with her championship belt slung over her shoulder,while wearing a "Daddy Dom shirt".

She turned to you and smirked,while waving her fingers in a 'goodbye' motion.

You were already raging,but now you just wanted to kick her ass.

Also,even her shirt pissed you off; and if tonight she dared to make one of her stupid moves on Dominik, you weren't going to hold back.

As the match your boyfriend had kept going,you suddenly hear the familiar "watch me",and you stood from your sit,ready to storm off in the ring to give her a good old beating.

Dominik slid out of the ring,and his father decided to take action,by kicking him in the back of the head.

Thanks to the kick,Dominik landed on Liv Morgan,making them fall on the floor while they had their arms wrapped around each other.

The panic in Dominik's was evident,and that was your last straw: you rushed out in the ring,ripping Liv off Dominik.

"Leave Dominik alone!" You shouted,while punching her face nonstop.

Everyone was shocked,even the commentators,that,in fact, gasped in the microphone.

"No way Liv is getting her ass beaten by Dominik's girlfriend!" Michael Cole said,and Corey Graves,that was here to take the place of the absent Pat McAfee,laughed loudly.

"I must say,that this wasn't on my 2024 bucket list,but I'm enjoying this!" Corey Graves said,while you still kept on slapping and kicking Liv,the whole scene being shown on the big screens.

Soon enough,medics and referees arrived to take you away from Liv,but you still weren't satisfied.

With one last slap,you got off her and went to Dominik,who won his match against Rey.

"This was-" He started,and he laughed to himself. "Definitely something".

You both laughed,and you continued: "It was deserved though, I hope she won't dare so assault you again,or else we all know what might happen. C'mere,baby."

You opened your arms,and he happily complied with a smile on his lips adorned with the iconic mustache.

"I love you,mami. Thank you for stopping all of this." He whispered,since you all were still in front of the cameras,and he embraced you even more tightly.

"It's nothing,love. Someone would have done it sooner or later,right?" You said and he laughed.

"Also,getting to beat her up was what I have been waiting since,if I'm not wrong,the king and queen of the ring tournament. So yeah,I hope she has learned her lesson,and if she hasn't,I won't hesitate to do the same thing I did today." You continued with a smirk on your face,and Dominik pulled away,giving you a chaste peck on your lips.

"You're right,mami. You always protect me,and I'ma do the same for you." He said while pulling you close to him. You smiled and said,

"That's right,remember,you'll always be safe in my embrace."

After this,you both celebrated his victory,with Liv Morgan still passed out on the floor,while you proudly held up your boyfriend's arm,just like a referee would do.

taglist: @stellakiddsblog @bibibi-tchx @p-mp @teenagedramaqueenlisa @thegalacticnacho091 @judgementdaysunshine

[payasita]

Good job getting ADHD medication! I’m so proud of you :D

thanks so so much im very happy and so hopeful for the first time maybe ever but also it TOOK ME LIKE. A YEAR. A YEAR.

like yall for real?? for real. for real i have been diagnosed since i was like six. (funny story my teacher thought i was on the spectrum so my parents get me tested with the nodes and shit and according to mom, who loves this story, my neurologist did all that and talked to me and then just turned to my mom and went "she's not autistic. she just hates the other kids" but they DID find an adhd diagnosis in there so net win for all of us)

diagnosed since i was SIX. on stimulants until i turned 8, and you know why i got off em? my pediatrician retired. we could not find another who would take our low-income insurance. so i just had to rawdog The Rest Of My Fucking Life. diagnosed when i was six. legally neurodivergent for 20 slutty slutty angry years.

and it still took me like. a few months to get a psych appointment. a few weeks to reaffirm my diagnosis as an adult. a few more weeks for another appointment for meds. he doesnt Want to do meds first, because i must have been doing fine without them if its been two decades, right? i got a job and a car and everything. well gee fuckin shittickers Dr. Brain Guy, just WHAT was my alternative? would you prefer i be maladapted to the point of incapacitation; is that what it takes for someone to be considered? i cheated my way through school. every day after work i sit for an hour in my car because i dont have the executive function to stand up and walk the ten steps to my house. garbage just appears around me. i have three empty bags of hot chip and two cans of sprite on my desk as we speak, neither from today. at that point i hadnt had a debit card for six months because that would have required me to Drive To The Bank, a location that was new to me in this area, so i just did everything on credit. is this all normal? is this fine? am i GOOD, actually, Dr. WeirdBrain?

so we cordially agree that yes i should probably be medicated. i want to do a stimulant. he does not want to put me on a stimulant. "stimulants can mess with your heart," he says, "and you're young, you don't want heart problems." i say ok because i dont want to make him think im just looking for narcotics. even though i am. because they WORK. i agree to try some kind of antidepressant.

the antidepressant gives me tachycardia. i go to the emergency room after reading a heartbeat of, oh, 140 bpm, which is about like double what it normally is and juuuust below the You Are Having A Heart Attack threshold. i get to the ER and the doctor there is very obviously convinced i'm a local addict having some sort of episode. it is the most ironic experience i've had all year and i feel an abrupt and all consuming kinship with those birds in australia that will swoop you and peck at your face for seemingly no good reason.

so yeah, we narrow it down to the antidepressant. as it turns out, these particular meds are known to, semi-commonly, Mess With Your Heart. i have my next appointment with my psych and somehow refrain from pecking his eyes out. he puts me on a noreprinephrine inhibitor(iirc) that isnt actually FDA approved to treat ADHD specifically(i DEFINITELY rc) but it IS given to smokers to help them quit. i dont smoke. i may very well fucking start before this whole ordeal is at the point where someone listens to me

it obviously does a combined total of jack and shit, and the man waffles with this one because he has "had success" using it as treatment for other ADHD patients. he ups the dose. twice. three months on the smoker meds, which are also apparently notorious for destroying your appetite, but they didnt even do THAT. no change to the average amount of hot chip on my desk.

he wants to try quelbree after that. i finally tell him i'm tired of this shit and would like to have more than two hours of usable daylight to function before it all falls to uncontrollable youtube shorts binges and a daily experience i like to call The Weighted Nothings and i would very much like to PLEASE. TRY A STIMULANT.

he's been friendly enough with me over these past four or five or whatever months but at this he gets suddenly very very business-baseline. gives me the whole spiel about the north american shortage. gives me a spiel about how i absolutely cannot, under any circumstances, lose or sell this medication, because they will not refill it if i do. i am sitting here wondering if he he's telling the truth about having other ADHD patients at all like ever in his career, and also, am i nuts or should the "don't sell your prescription drugs" bit apply to EVERYTHING? i dont fuckin know man i just live here

he says he wants a urine test first. its scheduled for two weeks out. i take it.

"hey uh, your piss came back with cannabis in it" "well it'd be weirder if it didn't, we are in california and i am a kitchen manager" "you can't have weed if you want adderall" "fine i'll stop" "we'll schedule you another test in a month" "aight bet" it didnt go exactly like that but this is kind of what the vibe between us has devolved into by this point.

anyway i wait a month and get a good grade in piss. i get the meds prescribed. i go to fill out the prescription

all i really need to say to you are the words "prior authorization error" for most of you to get what happened next.

the psych isnt even aware. i wait another month for our next meeting, which was yesterday. i do not yell at him. he tells me to take it up with the pharmacy, and yell at them. i am going to yell at them.

so i go, and guess what, it actually went through a while ago! NO ONE TOLD ME OR DR. FEEL-BAD OVER HERE. but we can't fill it right now because its a controlled substance so come back in a few hours. hey it's ready where the hell are you? TAKE YOUR METH AND GET OUT

anyway i started it today, reorganized my pantry, and fixed the fire alarm in my hallway that's been chirping at me for a week. i no longer have to wear earplugs to bed.

and with my newfound executive function superpowers, i will be spraying my weed-free piss all over Reagan's grave.

[our-trans-punk-experience]

GO FUCK YOURSELF WES STREETING

warning before proceeding: this is not a regular post. it is not going to be especially funny, or educational, or coherent its just going to be multiple paragraphs of unfiltered rage. if you want to know what I'm talking about i will post an Official blog post on it immediately after this. the only reason im even posting this is to maybe vindicate some angry trans kid out there today. i see you, your anger is justified

FUCK WES STREETING. i mean that. i have never been so shocked at how angry i am with somebody. the boiling rage i usually feel towards politicians like him is usually tempered with a veneer of predictability to it. and don't get m wrong, it wasnt that I didnt see a full puberty blocker outlawing on the cards for the UK. what did me in was the bloody fucking letter. maybe its bc hes from the less right wing of our two parties, maybe its bc he's a gay man himself and it feels like more of a betrayal. bc he sure does bring that up a lot in his letter doesnt he. oh he is just so bloody sorry about how trans kids are feeling, and he knows he can't understand fully (you can't wes, you really can't) buthe swears he empathises just a bit.

the entire thing is so FUCKING CONDESCENDING. the patronising tone is tugging the strings of my anger like a fly in my ear and WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE wes streeting to say “I know it won’t feel like it based on the decisions I’m taking today, but I really do care about this" . its another "we're doing whats best for trans kids theyll understand when theyre older"

because your message wouldve been a fairly reassuring if empty statement if it had come from LITERALLY ANY OTHER MP. but for the man who's in charge of enacting the puberty blocker ban to say that rings sinister and well just a prick move isnt it. the man acknowledges the high rates of violence, suicide, self harm ect in the trans community while he plows on with deleting their healthcare. and it is TRANS healthcare specifically because he was asked about kids who are prescribed puberty blockers for precocious puberty and outright admitted that the medication was clearly safe from those cases and they were only banning them for trans kids

but the line that is just a real KICK IN THE TEETH is one particular phrasing. “I can’t pretend to know what that’s like, but I do know what it’s like to feel you have to bury a secret about yourself, to be afraid of who you are," oh bury a secret bury a secret you know what its like to bury a secret do you wes streeting do you know what its like to bury a child?? which more people will have to do in the future after this legislation

and going on that your reasoning is there arent sufficient studies to show that banning puberty blockers leads to an increase in suicide??? firstly, why is your measure of success "not having this will increase suicide" in a study about whether it is physically safe?? you've admitted the medication is safe for cis kids so it JUST TRANSPHOBIA but also you know the British board of psychology wouldn't ever approve the sorts of studies you're discussing, right?? You know that it does not legally comply with ethtical requirements to conduct a study where the measure is "how many people commit suicide"? you know??

he knows. he says he cares. he cares about nothing but his career. fuck wes streeting.

[daengtokki]

Your story is like the first one I’ve been so deeply captivated by when it comes to serial killer shit, like I can’t explain it. Sure I’ve read yandares and silly ghost face skz story’s, but this one made me feel…disgusted? Like I’ve never had a fictional story about skz make me feel so grossed out. I don’t want you to take it as a negative thing, and if you do i apologize 🩷

I’ve read sooooo many fics through three years and I was a little bit skeptical when I first read the “serial killer! Seungmin” but I’m glad I kept reading cause I’m so excited for the next part.

What I meant by the “it grossed me out” part, is the scene where he killed the man? I don’t know why but I dead ass almost threw up, might be cause I’m sick and the only thing I’ve been consuming are medications. But holy fuck dude, I had to step away😭

Also!! I got so, frustrated? And confused? When she DIDNT LEAVE THE COUNTRY!? A MAN JUST KILLED YOU FOR LIKE TWO MINUTES AND YOURE OVER HERE KISSING HIS LIPS AND WHAT NOT.

But I think that’s what makes a story good! The minute a fic I’m reading is making me feel some kind of emotions, better bet I’m reading until the fkn end.

Anyway, pardon my rant, and again I really hope you don’t take it as offensive, but if you do I’d totally get it tbh.

Stay safe and healthy! Lots of love🩷🌺

Sorry I took so long responding, but I really had to gather my thoughts for this one. Apologies for it being so long and for me basically taking an opportunity to unload.

All of the "negative" parts popped out because I was so tired and out of it. And I was like “oh no please don’t hate please don’t hate the story” 😭 ㅋㅋ ㅋ I'm out of it today, too, so hopefully I type this up properly.

But I don’t take your comments negatively! My job as a writer is to make you feel all of the emotions my characters are dealing with.

So thank you for taking the time to write all of this out! Seriously. I'm a little floored anyone (this goes for everyone who has sent a message or left a long comment about the fic) has been reading thoughtfully enough to catch everything l've been putting into the story. We’ll be getting more into readers fucked up head very soon, since you mentioned that!

I’m glad these not so pretty parts have gotten a reaction out of you, because I’ll take that as me writing the scenes well! That’s very important to me as a writer, and as someone who has always taken writing seriously. I love writing simple fanfic that you guys can lose yourself in, because that’s why I picked up ff again after stopping for many years. And because of Seungmin, ofc. But this is also why I was very nervous about posting DEITY even though I’ve been wanting to do serial killer!Seungmin for months now. I knew it couldn’t be simple, but I had no idea it would already be this long halfway through (almost 50k words). After writing the intro and getting into the first part, I decided to just write an entire novel. I already had the plot in my head.

I don’t see many stories like this on tumblr, but I also don’t read much (I’m not exaggerating when I say all of my free time is spent writing) so putting something darker out there that wasn’t just oneshot smut was a little scary. I’m aware that’s what get most of the attention on here (short stuff, ott smut, ~imagines, etc) and why even though I have readers like you, I don’t have much in the way of likes and reblogs. It does get discouraging, but I’m pushed forward when I think about all of you reading each part.

So ANYWAY. Sorry this got so long. Thank you so much for your reblogs and your comments on those reblogs. It’s so important to me and the other writers on tumblr.

And thank you Seungmin for being my muse. I wouldn’t be writing every day again without you making me so delusional.

Again, sorry if this is too much and none of it makes sense. I took too much of one of my meds today and I’m very dizzy and lethargic from it.

[concretepuppy]

Hey, I wanted to ask if you'd recommend phallo to someone without dysphoria who's like 90% cis? I just kind of want a dick from time to time, but it doesn't affect my sex life or distress me that I don't. I'd also like a cis-looking and feeling dick (idk why but I would probably get dysphoria from a dick that was obviously made with phallo) so idk. Transphobes fearmonger a lot so it kind of scares me to make the jump. And idk if major surgery is worth it to satisfy something I'd live my life perfectly fine without doing...

i’m a huge proponent of cis people getting bottom surgery if it makes them happy. i talk quite a lot about how i think a lot of cis stone butches in particular would probably be a lot happier of they had a sensate penis to use for sex, bc i have had quite a few stones complain to me about how they wish they could feel it when they use a strap. it’s ok to get bottom surgery just for sex.

why exactly do you want a dick? what do you want out of it? do you want it for sex? do you think you would have better self image if you had one? do you want to be able to pee from it? do you want balls? do you want to keep your current genitals? there are a lot of considerations to make. i’d start by making a list of all the things that make you want a dick, and then all the potential cons.

i would encourage you to examine why you think you would feel dysphoric about having a phallo dick—what about them is so different from a natal penis? what are the aspects of a natal penis that you feel you’d miss with a phallo penis? have you seen a long-healed phallo dick w medical tattooing? have you ever interacted w a phallo dick irl? i’d also ask you to check your beliefs about what phallo dicks look like. these both have a lot of layers of transphobia and body shaming to unpack.

phalloplasty is a major surgery. it’s permanent in that you’d have to find a surgeon willing to do penectomy on a phallo patient to get it removed, which would likely be very difficult. but it’s not the huge, scary thing people make it out to be. most people just have 6-8wks of recovery (and maybe even shorter for later stages depending on what you’re getting done) and that’s it. the hardest part for me was stage 1 movement restriction, but that was 5 years ago and it’s over with now. if you think you’d be happier getting phallo, then by all means pursue it. it’s not like it’s a fast process, so even if you started contacting surgeons today you’d still have at least 12-18mo to think about it.

also keep in mind that navigating the process will be much more difficult unless you lie and say you’re a trans guy (or in the states at least most of the big name phallo surgeons are familiar enough w nonbinary people that they dont bat an eye abt it, so you could use that). i cant imagine most reputable phallo surgeons here would agree to do surgery for a person who openly IDed as cis (tho i could be wrong, i dont have direct experience w any team other than OHSU so it’s just me guessing based on other ppls anecdotes) and i have even less confidence that insurance would cover it. but it’s fine to lie and say you’re a trans dude if that’s what it takes to get the surgery or hormones or whatever you need. i didnt tell my surgical team i was bigender until stage 3, and i specifically told them to just list me as a trans man in claims. the OHSU team is really great about stuff like that, but other teams might not be.

[strangecowplant]

Hello, regarding your cat, I wasn't able to read everything this is kinda rushed because I've had a long day, but do you need more money at the moment?

Also I'm a vet but like, in France, so I'm always shocked at the prices (in my area this kind of emergency would amount to like, around 300€, maybe 500€ if there's a repeat)!

Also, on a medical standpoint, were the vets able to know the origin of the blockage? Was it urinary stones, or stress? In my experience this kind of blockage has a tendency to become chronic in some cases if proper precautions are not taken! I wouldn't mind giving advice if you want, you can PM me I'll do my best to help and translate as accurately as possible.

Hi thank you so much for your concern, and I hope you're able to relax now! At the moment I have no idea if I need more money, its up in the air what the cost will be when i get there later today, I've still yet to even talk to my vet for a full update as he's been in and out of surgeries today but thank you so so much for asking!!! ❤️ I'll try and keep the main post as updated as possible once I get any news about costs or anything

But yeah the pricing is absolutely horrible here, theres no regulation and the cost of living is already debilitating enough, people who try save up funds for their pets have it wiped out from even the simplest vistis (their annual vaccinations are about $300, its hard to save much with that hit every year)

As for the cause, we aren't sure. Its unlikely to be stress related as hes an extremely chill and happy cat, nothing has changed with his lifestyle, his brother doesn't stress him out and all my animals are very close and loving to one another. The house usually is super quiet and relaxed too, him running around playing is usually the most noise the house gets! I can't think of a single time before this he was ever stressed aside from the normal wariness of being at the vet for vaccines/when he got neutered. Its also unlikely its from dehydration bc he's very good at drinking (he likes to have the tap water whenever i go into the bathroom, but he also happily drinks from any of the bowls around the house) and i feed them wet food mixed with some dry daily.

They didn't find any stones but the blockage was caused by struvite crystals, in fact they were able to pull one blockage out that was a milky mucousy stringy glob before his first catheter was put in. I also pulled 3 or 4 small ones the day before yesterday after noticing he was blocked and trying to do anything in my power to dispel them since I had no means to get him the help he needed then. His urinalysis came back positive for struvite but also mentioned the amount was 'few', he had no bacteria present and his ph was 6.5, theres maybe a chance he had a uti and dispelled the bacteria before they got a sample? Though I didnt notice any signs before that he was having issues. The lab notes mention the results fit with FLUTD/idiopathic cystitis but I really have no clue how or why, it was brought on so suddenly and he ate the exact same things as his brother who's fine (i will be swapping to a preventative food for his brother though because I'm now just petrified of it happening to him too) I suppose theres a chance its just genetic or random :/

Thank you for your help though, I'll definitely take you up on your offer and pm you! I have some questions I'd really like some advice on from a different vet

[homosexualmorelikehomiesexual]

i was homeschooled by a neo nazi. the sheer amount of damage it did to my psyche as a queer child in that environment is something im still grappling with to this day. and thats to say nothing about having my education, health, and emotional wellbeing neglected. i had to fucking laugh in 2020 when people were crying about not leaving the house for a single month, when i had been kept housebound since i was 6 years old. i cant describe the indignity of watching people finally recognize what id been saying for years, which is that remote learning was not only useless as an education method but fundamentally damaging to the students mental health, and then not ONCE think to check up on kids who'd already been homeschooled. not once.

because nobody gives a flying shit about the actual voices of homeschooled kids, least of all the parents that subject them to it. and thats not to say those parents dont care, or arent attached - quite the opposite. remember, we're talking about the kind of abuse that seeks to keep the victims closer, not further away. its just that the pressure to cover for that abuse is placed directly on these childrens shoulders. i know, because i lived it. we are expected to present ourselves to the public as prodigies, partly to sell people on the idea of homeschooling but mainly to ward off social services. and if we fail to do that, which we largely do, we are kept out of the public eye our entire childhoods.

and thats assuming it ends with the onset of adulthood. if we're lucky enough to have parents willing to let us go at all, that isolation and lack of worldly experience leaves us with no resources, no networks, no support systems, no basic survival skills. do you know the difference between debit and credit? what health insurance is, who pays for it, how to find a provider? who taught you to drive? do you know what the dmv is? what social security is, or where to find your birth certificate? do you know how to use a crosswalk? if you arent homeschooled, you do not realize how much knowledge you have that you take for granted. the level of dependance it creates on the abuser is terrifying. im 21, i didnt move out till 6 months ago. most people assume i took an extended gap year. the truth is i was psychotic from isolation trauma, rapidly developing stockholm syndrome, and had no resources to leave after i turned 18 even though i desparately wanted to. if i hadnt been lucky enough to have other family members to rescue me, i would probably not be alive today.

and despite how damning the evidence is that this is a terrible byproduct of multiple systems that long since shouldve been fixed, despite all the hubub about protecting children in this stupid, stupid fucking country, there is ZERO public interest in acknowledgeing our existence outside of using us as a talking point to snub rural america. a talking point, and nothing more. nobody actually cares to change those red states, they just want someone to blame. so when we do speak up, we get tuned out. because it turns out nobody actually wants to hear about the medical neglect, or the cults, or the grooming, or the domestic violence, let alone do anything about it. (besides vaguely gesturing to things like...calling CPS on our own parents, once again placing the pressure on the victims to rescue ourselves, when weve often been taught to fear those institutions since the onset of our abuse.)

if you think im exaggerating, go read through r/homeschoolrecovery. thats just the kids whove managed to get internet, most of whom profess terror at facing further abuse if their parents find out. look at your phone. look at your computer. every single device you own has the ability to set parental controls. i dont know the exact numbers of the silent majority of homeschooled children without access to the internet, but considering the main demographic who chooses homeschooling is white supremacist christian fundie cults, who really fucking love having numbers of white babies that exceed the double digits, id be confident in wagering its a lot. so you wanna know why over half the states in the country are red? fucking start there.

because theres a *reason* isolation is a cult tactic. its why im such an advocate for libraries, unpaywalled and un age restricted internet, and actually putting money into rural infrastructure - ESPECIALLY internet networks and public transit. because while the american public education system remains the stinking garbage fire it is, people are gonna keep choosing to take matters into their own hands. and under this presidency, it is going to get worse. there is no point bashing the parents for it, because it just convinces them further that the left has an agenda to systemically brainwash their kids or whatever. so please, for the love of god, make sure that even in the worst case scenarios where they have complete control over their children, those kids arent completely cut off from the world.

Anyway enough lame gifted kid discourse we are in our 20s. Let's talk about how homeschooling in america should be fucking illegal it's insane lol

[littlez78aka]

Moments

Previous Chapter

Alia stood still as Reigh took her measurements for the clothing she'd be wearing on their trip to Marley. Since the outside world's sense of fashion was different from theirs it was no surprise they'd get some made. And for it to be Reigh to do it was kind of a surprise.

Seeing how the lighter blonde girl had usually took charge of medical things when it came to helping around. Then again she had accepted it when Yelena had asked her to. "You good at everything you do or are you hiding your weakness?"

Reigh was squatting down to measure Alia's waist when the fellow blonde had asked the question. Chuckling the girl shook her head lightly, holding the measuring line around Alia's waist.

"I've dabbled in sewing because back home since i hadn't come a warrior, my mother had me help around the house as much as possible" At the new information, Alia raised a brow but didn't say anything.

Standing up straight again, Reigh pulled the measuring tape over her shoulder. "And sewing it just different way of stitching up skin for a wound." Not wanting to go into too much detail she made a joke.

Alia just hummed as she dropped her arms since the measuring was finished. Following after Reigh to her desk before leaning against it. Just as Reigh sat down to write down the notes of the sizes she just took.

The pair had became decently close not just from teacher and student with medical stuff but just friends. Maybe not to know that much about their past because it was still a sensitive topic but enough to know of what they were today.

And that was enough for them. "If you say it like that--makes you seem like a doctor and tailor from hell" Continuing on with the joke she simply watched as the girl scribble in her notebook. Something that Reigh seemed to do a lot everyday.

Not for measures but for everything. Reigh let out a small snicker--the comment reminded her of something but she kept it to herself. "Hell. Funny seeing where im at right now" Although things were tense sometimes, jokes like that was something that only Alia could hear.

Her humor dark enough to joke about it a lot whenever she wasn't in the presence of her squad--she didnt want to chance them reacting bad to it hence why she did it with Reigh alone.

Rolling her eyes the blonde leaned into the desk more. Placing her hand beside Reigh's book as she spoke up. "Which makes you a devil right along us. Im sorry but the truth hurts" Reigh just laughed again.

This time looking up from her notebook to look at Alia who was now just hovering over her. Simply taking a moment to look at the girl who returned the gaze. "What's up with you?" The question was sudden that Alia raised a brow to show her confusion.

"I mean there's something in your head that you're worried about" Explaining lightly what she had meant, Reigh leaned into the palm of her hand. Her ocean blue eyes prickling with a curious glint. "Like you've got something to hide."

It was almost as though Reigh was reading her look a book. Alia frowned her brows, her eyes narrowing as she sat up straighter. "And why would you think that?" Her response more colder then she meant it to be.

Alia had been good in keeping her act of keeping her worries and thoughts locked up. Even to her own husband and childhood friend who knows her better then anyone. At least that's what she thought.

Not wanting to anger Alia, Reigh stayed in her relaxed position. Tilting her head as she examined Alia's expression and posture. "You just remind me of an old friend of mine" Instead of answering honestly and pressing on the matter she thought back of the friend.

"The way you choose to take up everything on your own to protect the ones you love" Reigh's eyes clouded for a moment as she remembered the old days. "My friend, Marcel, He used to do anything to make sure his twin brother and I would be out of trouble"

Alia's hardness melted away as she was shown a side of Reigh she hadn't got to see much of. A little more of her past. "You're doing the same but i dont know exactly of what" Shaking out of her thoughts, Reigh snapped back into reality.

"Yeah...well just keep it that way for me" Speaking softer now, Alia stood up from the desk. "And do me a favor--focus more on yourself and Connie" Wanting to end the conversation the blonde walked away to leave the room.

All Reigh could do was sigh as she watched the girl leave. "And what exactly does Connie have to do with me?" Alia stopped right at the door as she turned her head back to the still sitting Reigh. "Cause you're starting to fall for him."

It wasn't a tease but a serious observation. "And he's starting to fall for you too so take care of him for me" Before Reigh could even respond--Alia had left the room with a soft thump of the door being closed behind her.

Sighing the blonde stared at the wooden door. "Can't you care for him with me?" Her question went unanswered.

---

After leaving Reigh to measure who was left, Alia made her way towards where she knew her cousin was. Silently walking the pathway as she nodded to the people she saw both Eldians and Marley soldiers alike.

By the time she got to his cooking hut by the dock, she was met with him alone for once. Which meant Sasha was still waiting to be fitted herself. Having already heard her foot steps the blonde male had greeted her before she got to say anything.

"Finally made some time for your cousin?" His tone not as teasing as you'd think as he turned to look over his shoulder to her. Alia was leaning against the table that has yet to be plated with food yet.

Shrugging at his question the fellow blonde locked eyes with him. "Thought I might keep you some company with Sasha not here to do it" Speaking in a light tone she kept her gaze on him even after he turned back to the pot he always used to cook.

Niccolo didnt comment on her statement because she wasn't wrong. Whenever Sasha had the time to--she'd be right there next to him. Not only to eat but to learn his dishes he loved to make for her. Just to see her reaction of happiness every time.

Stirring the pot slowly he placed his free hand against his hip as he stared at the pot of clam soup he was making. Debating whether or not he should say anything about what he could till about her.

Like Reigh, he had gotten a good read on noticing things about Alia. Though not from a friend that reminded him of Alia but from his own father's stories about his little brother, Egon Kasper. Something he came to see that Alia was very much alike when it came to the Kasper ways.

Coming to just bite down his nerves he spoke up. "You know you can talk to me about things right?" Their relationship was rocky at first but after two years of getting to know each other--they came to find comfort in each other.

Niccolo could only hope that he'd get the same relationship when it came to his other cousin he has yet to officially meet still.

Having just been questioned and now again, Alia wanted to brush it off and be cold again. Or else she'd break and filter everything out again like she did when talking to Annie. But this was her cousin.

Her blood.

"I know" Keeping her tone soft she glanced out towards the sea. Watching as the waves came and washed over to hit the walkway of the dock. "Just somethings are better kept inside then said out loud"

The older boy didnt say anything yet as he took in her words. He already knew it wasn't because she didnt trust him but something else. And that alone frustrated him even more. It was because of Alia he had came more open in knowing these devils.

In knowing the squad he now called friends. In knowing the one girl he truly felt like he loved. Not that he's said anything to the brunette yet.

Placing a lid over the pot, he put the wooden spoon aside before he faced her fully this time. Crossing his arms over his chest as he examined her just as she looked off into the distance. "Can you at least tell me you'll lean on someone about this?"

Not wanting to push further since he had his own secrets that she respected as family--a silent agreement they had in learning more about each other. Caring for each other.

Taking a deep breath in, Alia turned her head back to him. "Yeah" She was being honest since she was helping her friend who was leaning on her in return. "But in return can you do me a favor?"

Relieved that she was talking to someone about it he nodded at her question. Confused a bit but happy to oblige to her request. "Anything" He said without a doubt as he stared at her. The expression she wore growing more serious as she walked over to him.

Pushing a finger against his chest a little hard to emphasize what she was going to say. He took it with a small grunt. "Don't break Sasha's heart" It was a simple request. One that Niccolo was already planning on doing because he'd never want to hurt Sasha.

"I didn't plan on breaking her heart but done" Lifting a hand up to grab onto hers he tugged her close before wrapping her up in a hug. Tightening his hold as he rested his chin over her shoulder.

Having been used to such affection from her friends now, Alia returned the embrace. Holding her cousin with the same tightness he had for her as she closed her eyes. Burning this moment into her head. This feeling because she had a feeling it would be her last one in awhile.

Closing his eyes in return he sunk into the hug. "I'm gonna be here for you just as much as I am for her." True to his words he slowly pulled back to look at her. Showing with his eyes alone he meant what he said.

Offering up a smile, Alia placed her hands on his shoulders. "And I am for you" Even if it may not seem like it. With those unspoken words she squeezed his shoulders. "For everyone" Finishing off her sentence she stepped to go behind him.

Grinning as she lifted up the lid of the soup he was making. "As you are when it comes to feeding such deliciousness for everyone" At that comment, Niccolo puffed up his chest feeling more cocky at the praise.

The man knew he was a good cook but he sure as hell did like the compliments.

-----

(Imagine her with a longer skirt and her hair pulled into just two pony tails with a hat that matches. Also no stripes!)

Watching her favorite trio from afar, Alia stood beside Eren as they waited for the boat to get to the docks of Marley. Leaning against the wall with him as she listened to the three's conversation from afar.

Playing with the material of her gloves at the odd sensation, she glanced away from her three knuckleheads. Her attention focused on the brunette who was seemingly more moody then ever.

Not that she blamed him because they were in enemy territory and whatever they may hear will decide if they go through their plan or not. To be honest she was in the same boat as him--literally and mentally.

"Before anything is said and done" Her words got Eren to look at her instead of the ocean. No longer in his thoughts but with her in the presence. "Maybe try asking Mikasa to runaway"

It would mean going against everything they were preparing for.

Eren knew that she knew that but he also knew she'd never say anything without reason. Especially when it came to him and their friends. "And why would I do that?" Curious for a moment, he crossed his arms over his chest.

Drawing his head back to lean against the wall he was leaning on as he waited for her answer. The blonde girl took a moment to look at Jean speficially while he scolded Connie and Sasha about something.

"It's the option that puts your and her happiness first and the one you haven't even thought of" Thinking about it now, she's thought about running away with Jean. Her friends and family she loved but Jean was her whole heart by now.

With everything that's been going on the thought crossed her mind many times. To leave everything behind and live a life that would be worth living even if it meant being a coward in a way.

But the reason why she hadn't said it until now was because she knew that Jean would have trouble in agreeing with her. Having gone through so much that he continued to go forward because he was strong.

Something she knew Mikasa would probably continue to do the same. But asking the question didn't hurt. At least in Eren's case because he was playing the card hand of something far more worse then Alia.

She may be willing to help but he was the one to be the devil. The one to take it on fully. There was only so much she could do to be a devil herself. Demon maybe but not a devil.

Taring her eyes away from her lover, she locked aways with the brunette. Their eyes staring into each other's souls. "Forget about us, the world and just live out your last years with the one you love most"

Alia wouldn't blame him if he did and she was sure the other's wouldn't either. At least after they realized the pressure Eren had been forced into all these years. "I mean it sounds like an option that's a hell of a lot better then what you think is the last one"

Instead of getting angry at the girl, Eren simply looked away from her this time. His eyes finding home to where Mikasa was standing as she stared out to the city that they were heading to. Pondering the thought of what Alia told him.

"Maybe" His answer made Alia feel a little better. So keeping their conversation there, she got up from the wall. Placing a hand over his shoulder and squeezing it lightly before she walked off. No other words needed to be said after that.

An understanding between them both being said just as Alia walked over to jump against Connie's back--startling the boy to nearly fall off the boat. Luckily Jean was fast to pull them back just as Sasha burst into laughter.

------

The moment they got on Marley grounds, Alia was laughing. The sight of her Hannie, Connie, and Sasha run after a car as if it were alive. With Jean embarrassed, he was fast to wrap his arm around her waist.

His other hand raising up to push his hat further into his face. "Act like you dont know them" And being his lover she followed his command easily. Giggling as she raised her hand up to cover her mouth.

"They never cease to crack me up" Walking along side him she walked over to the food venders with Jean. The pair still within eyesight of the group as they curiously looked at the stuff they've never seen.

Instead of responding her, Jean politely asked the worker for some of whatever it was. Thanking the worker he glanced back to the blonde who was already eyeing the food he held. "Here you go"

Holding it out to her he couldn't help but smile as he watched her take it happily. Her eyes brightening with life as she took a bite of the item. "It's so warm!" The blonde squealed out as she bit into the bread.

A filling spilling out from the thing before she took another bite. The scene of her enjoying such goodness had Jean smiling more. It was the first time since their wedding he was seeing her so happy and content.

Biting into his own bread, he did the same as her. Humming at the taste as he looked back to see Ponpon to be bringing back the three idiots. The couple's moment coming to a fast end as Sasha went over to the vender by them.

Her reaction to such coldness had Connie wanting to taste. Walking together towards the two, Alia watched with curiosity as her childhood friend took a nip of the creamy thing Sasha was holding.

The brunette girl holding it out to her twin as he gasped at the taste and feeling. "What is this stuff made of?!" Connie shouted out. Both of their reactions had Jean wanting some as well. Letting Alia go he quickly came beside Sasha to order as well.

"I'd like one too! Please sir!" Asking a lot more eager then he had before. "Me too!" Connie shouted right after since Sasha was devouring hers already. Alia stood behind the three with an even wider smile.

Eating the warm sweet she still had as she watched. It didnt help that Jean was holding out his ice cream to show Armin and Mikasa excitedly. Finding herself curiously looking to find the one person who wasn't eager to try things--she looked to see Eren stuck in his thoughts again.

Deciding better that Mikasa to talk to him this time, the blonde stood alone for a few minutes to enjoy her dessert. Watching her friends still growing excited to try more of such things they haven't had before.

Alia knew that moments like this wouldn't be around as much anymore so she simply watched. Locking it into her mind to remember as she did with all her precious memories.

Next Chapter

Sea Green Eyes Masterlist

[nathank77]

11/8/24

8:55 a.m Edited 9:09 a.m

Sleep was pretty awful last night. I fell asleep fast and woke up thinking i didn't sleep and I needed more xanax but I knew I slept somehow I think cause I didn't hear my tv timer shut off so I didn't take more.

Then I fell back to sleep and woke up around 2 a.m. I fell back to sleep and woke up around 4 i think and I struggled to sleep. Idk if I was having a bunch of microsleep dreams or if I kept waking up. I was up for sure around 6 a.m and then I said I'd give myself 30 more minutes or I'll just get up and I fell back to sleep until like 7 after setting my sleep timer to like 6:30 a.m.

Anyways i want to go to the gym but I shouldn't. It sounds stupid but I only want to work my arms, and chest right now. And I don't want to over work the muscle group.

Nothing would get me on that elliptical today and i mean nothing lol I have no interest in working out my legs. They are already cut bc of anxiety.

Id work out my abs and back but idk... I feel scared about my back bc I don't want to fuck myself up. I feel scared about abs bc most of the work outs involve laying on the floor and to say I'm not ocd at the gym is an understatement. I don't want to use the chemicals to clean the equipment... so I can't simply wipe down the floor and lay on it... I got to get over that maybe wear my hyper tough gloves...

Also I don't see the point in working my abs bc I'll never see them with my tummy... but from what I'm reading having a strong core is essential to working out. Our core i believe would be my back and my chest/abs.

I've noticed on the machines, machines that are supposed to work let's say chest and biceps or triceps- that my forearms hurt and they do a lot of the work. It makes me think i should be doing free weight more bc when I did the lateral raises and whatever I felt it in the targeted muscle group. So I got to try to learn more workout moves on free weights and eventually get on the big dumbbell but I'm scared of that bc idk how much the actual bar weights.

I also got to find better chest muscle workouts bc I tried the dumbbell fly and I didnt really feel it in my chest. Idk.

I want to go but I'm sore. I have to go grocery shopping.. and I have to consider trying that chlorestoral medication... stilll.....

I'm worried. I want to go to the gym and get my frustrations out.

Also I forgot but I'll add to this soon..

I remember I'm wondering if I should be pushing myself so hard on the elliptical... i want to run ingeneral why? Cause the American heart association says it can help chlorestoral significantly and it can also help you lose weight. Emphasis on the chlorestoral i like my belly..... id love abs but I like my belly. It's a weird place to be tbh...

But I'm wondering if I'm overworking my body and heart running 6 miles for 60 minutes.... especially since my heart voltage is off every single test.

I just don't know if say i ran 20 minutes a work out 3 times a week if that would help with my ldl and hdl if I did primarily low weight and high reps. Right not my reps aren't very high... I mean even for 5 pounds. I go until it hurts pretty bad but not very bad idk how to describe it.

I just don't know if I'm over working my heart pushing myself on cardio and if I'd be better off weight training... I don't want to basically only weight train bc I'd rather do that bc I hate the elliptical... and bc I'm scared of my heart voltage if it could really help with my chlorestoral considering- maybe just maybe if I do this right i won't need chlorestoral medication........

But I also don't want to throw myself into a heart attack bc of the voltage.. repatha is scary. And in 4 months if I can approach this workout right i might be able to lower my chlorestoral pretty significantly.. but then again I'll prob still need meds anyways...

I just dont know. From what I'm reading weight training can also lower chlorestoral. But is it enough? It'll be safer for my heart voltage. But will it have much of an effect on chlorestoral?

[rabidcriterion]

mkay these last couple of days have been hell. heres why

work on saturday was a piece of shit cause we didn't have enough staff and my boss is also a cunt. i said mercury must be in gatorade to one of my coworkers and she laughed so hard she cried. i think she has other stuff going on so i legit wanted to die the rest of the afternoon since that happened because the rsd was so much. not going into too much detail otherwise but just know it was like one of if not the worst days ive ever had at work

then yesterday on sunday i wanted to go and see Girl so i asked if i could and she seemed fine with it, which is great because Sundays are the best for seeing her rn. why the fuck she disappears for like two hours so im just sitting around in my house waiting on her to confirm and then she. finally does so i drive all the way to her house (i take one wrong turn right by her house and it fucks everything, the car is also hot as fuck because the aircon is broken) and then of course by the time i show up she seems to have changed her mind so i wait for a more. informative response from her. (legit sat in the park across from her house so i could air out the sweat from driving there) and then she says she actually doesn't want me over so i. get up go back to my car and leave. that was bad enough but guess what else??

on the one worst day for it, my mum cracks the shits at dad. it was really bad this time, reminds me of when i was a kid. dad didnt like that she was getting stuff out of the cupboards to try and tidy them up, some shit about how it's a sunday and that's when youre meant to be relaxing (not that it matters to him, he's fucking retired). he must've said something to her about it, because i was in my room when i started hearing her throwing things and slamming doors and stomping through the house. she's off her hormone medication so she's a terror to be around again. at one point she came into my room to tell me that id better check whether the pipe leaking into the bathroom wall is also leaking into my wall (the other side is moldy. i also assumed it must be leaking into my wall because why the fuck wouldnt it be). i eventually left and went into the neighbours house with my spare key (with permission from them first, since they're not here atm) to try and get away from her but she knew id left and tried calling me and i missed it. she was so mad at me, when i tried telling her that id gone over just to feed the neighbours pets on my own initiative instead of making her do it she got so pissed off. she asked how i knew what to feed the pets and how much and i told her i asked my neighbour and she said "did you tell them we're fighting too". shes so unbelievably disgusting sometimes. like she must know the hell she puts us through.

I've been awake for an hour now, but i dont want to leave my room in case she's out there. i thought she was going in to work today, but now i have no clue whats going on. i think i can still hear her walking through the house. i'd better get up though, i have a few appointments to get to today, so at least that's a way to stay away from her

I can't believe this shit is still happening to me. i can understand a bit more now about how and why she gets mad, but im an adult who lives in my parents house. i just want to get the fuck out but there's a housing crisis. I can't be myself or do what i want or even just live. i cant remember the last time i baked or cooked for myself because everyone here gets pissed off at me for using things im not meant to or forgetting to wash something. i get that its my bad for these things but also the level of vitriol that im met with for what, by all other accounts, seems to be a minor infraction is just. so unreasonable that id rather not risk it. especially with the way things are now

[rutht444]

first psychiatrist appt june 19 2024

Where do I even begin?

First of all it felt so OFF when i arrived inside the building. Always trust your gut and when I tell you everything was telling me it was wrong. First the receptionist was rude af didn't help me at all. People giving me weird looks. I think im so mad and sad that i was excited to see one and finally getting help, and my experience was bad. When i first met him he was nice but omg the lack of empathy, the lack of questions, making me feel stupid? He was like so what's going on do you have any trauma, like wtf. He didn't even ask me alot of questions about my ptsd, how my symptoms are like huh? Did not review what i was feeling at the moment. Just sat there and cried and pescribed me two medications. he asked me what happened and what did I take and did not seem to care if it was triggering?? That bothered me the most. I tried to be strong and not cry too much. Did not ask me if i was okay. I just felt rushed and I didn't like that. like why tf would u ask me what happened and relieved that moment and try to remember what happened. I think that threw me off. I just need to get this out of my mind. Like what if he triggered my ptsd and i wanted to kill myself. Luckily right now I dont feel like that at all. I just suffer from anxiety and depression. My symptoms for ptsd I think are acute. I'm just anxious most of the time and can't do simple tasks. I dissociate most of the time thats the main problem. Also I can never sleep i always sleep around 3am. But as of right now, I dont feel suicidal I haven't felt like that in a while. I just feel numb like idk what happened in the last 6 months I didnt realized I was so depressed. My problem is feeling unmotivated most of the time. I'm just so thankful for my sister to reach out when it was the perfect timing. Like even with the pharmacy was acting difficult. It was God and the universe protecting me. I am so grateful and thankful this happened. If i got my meds right away, i would of taken them. But so glad I didnt. My sister was there for me when I needed her. I could cry because all of this is overwhelming thats why I put it off for so many years. I can't believe I i was struggling since 2017. I can't believe I never took care of myself. Its just crazy how long I struggled for. 7 years of struggling with this. It's time to take action and help myself. My goal is to take care of my health spirtually,mentally and physically. I know it's going to take time but I recovered so much of my symptoms already. I recovered from having an eating disorder, I know i can concentrate more, I know my triggers, I'm so grateful God made sure I am alive today. Thankful fo my well being, my sister, my bella, my parents for not pressuring me to do something I dont want to do. i want to see what my life would look for a year from now. I am ready for change, I am ready for meds, I am ready to cure my anxiety and depression.

[forestryfae]

oh my fuckign god "did you wash clothes today" yes hi hello how are you how are you feeling are you doing well is the depression and general lack of enrichment kicking your ass are you stressed cus you have a house and two cats and you dont know what to do with them how was christmas vacation did you have fun did you live in a house where it was a constant 10c or less except for the maybe 17c you had in your bedroom? are you getting psychiatric care and medication to help you with your mental health problems?

no cus washing clothes and bugging me about it is more important. i tried to do some yesterday but we went for a walk and it was longer than expected cus they said it was short and never elaborated so i was exhausted and pissed for the rest of the day i am constantly exhausted and pissed. i have NO energy. i cant get people to talk to me when i want them to but everyone collectively has decided that when im upset and angry is the best time to reach out, when its literally too late and im already on edge and i can not fucking communicate properly how fucking hard is it for people to just. actually acknowledge that i have depression and ocd and probably other shit too and that that takes a huge toll on me, combined with just in general having a shit physical health that means i cant go for hour long walks with NO breaks in shit weather while im walking two times faster than my usual speed cus everyone with long legs or good physical health are unwilling to slow down at all or take breaks or WAIT for those of us who need them

jesus fucking christ its so infuriating how every time we go on longer walks and the people in front of us stop theyve had like a 5 minute break. and we get there and we dont even get a break. they start walking before we even reach them. so its fucking constant. my legs are fucking aching to the point where i will start crying if i dont get to take a break but thats not important. how fucking self centered and unempathic can someone be.

literally everything is OUR responsibility but we still get treated like kids and when we do our part we get their part shoved in our faces with a fun dash of "well why did you just do this why didnt you remind us" like FUCK OFF. the assholes cant even give me my penicillin without me reminding them i have recieved NO follow up after coming back from vacation i havent had anyone to talk to and my support contact, as much as i try to give her credit for the stuff she does and i try to be grateful that she atleast tries and she wants better for me than what i have, is missing most of the time and doesnt reach out to me and is completely incapable of understanding that i need them to actually d their jobs without blaming me when shit goes wrong.

holy fucking hsit how hard would it have been for them to ask "hey i know you hate going home and didnt want to, how was it at home, what happened at your house, are you doing okay after christmas vacation? hows your teeth didnt you have a medical emergency w your teeth? how do you wnat to restart your routines do you need help with that?" like its their fucking job to help me and i get fucking nada. can people just for once actually act like i have feelings and emotions and i need them to actually be validated and acknowledged without feeling like i need to justify them and defend them every time i have them?

[jamiec860]

A New Beginning, I Think

Lately, I've been really depressed. I started new medication and at first, it helped but the wave of sadness still hits me at least once a day. Thoughts of despair and loneliness starts to kick in, mostly when I'm believing that I am having a good day.

Today at work, I cried in the bathroom after scrolling through a bit of TikTok. I watched this clip from the show Shameless. I haven't watched the show in a while so I'm not sure who the girl was, but she had abandoned her child. I watched it about 3 times. Hearing that little boy say "Hi mom," really broke my heart, mostly when she didnt want him to call her that. I understand when people have children young, they might regret their choices and wished they were in a better place for their children. I totally understand that. Sometimes I just wish that I had a child to love, that I had someone to love me and my child. I want a family. I really do. I want it so bad that it hurts. Since my abortion back in August, I find myself in my job's bathroom sobbing my eyes out. It's not easy working at the front desk of a hotel and seeing happy familes walk through the lobby.

I'm jealous.

My mom hates when I say that. She says that someone will come along and love me like Z used to. I always think about Z. I don't think I go a week without saying his name or a thought running through my mind about him. I wanted a family with him so bad. I wanted to marry him and be with him forever, but life doesn't go the way you want it too unfortunately. 2 abortions later, I finally get that.

Don't get me wrong. I love being able to have the life that I have. It could be worse for me, and I know that, but sadly that doesn't make me feel better. The world is such a terrible place that I shouldn't want to bring a child into this world, but I do. I want to see my baby, see their smile and hear them call me "mommy". I want a teenager son who friends think I'm hot. I want to be the badass mom at the PTA. I want to make the best cookies on the street. I want that! I know I'm young and I could still have that, but my life is adding up from my timeline that I thought I had when I was a teenager.

My best friend of almost 10 years has 2 beautiful sons with a guy that loves her and who's a great father. I feel like she takes it for granted. She cheated on him and left her kids for days to be a stripper. She had her reasons but sometimes I get so mad at her because I want what she has. I want the guy I want the beautiful kids. She became a mother young, and I know she didn't even want to be a mother at first but now she is. I know she wants to live her 20s and be young and free, but she has responsibilities and she's not taking care of them. She makes me so mad that I called my mom and cried.

I just really want to meet a guy that doesn't just want me for my body. I recently met up with an old friend that I've known for 3 years. I know he wanted to just have sex and yet we never did in the time that we've known each other. He looked me in my eyes and said he loved looking into my eyes. That shit right there still has me thinking about him. I've been texting him for the past few days and he rarely responds so I'm sure he only wants sex but when he said that I felt seen. I don't want to think of myself as "easy" but sometimes I can be when I want a man's touch. Ugh, I felt weird saying that. I don't even know where I'm going with this.

Tomorrow, I start that TikTok challenge 75 hard but I'm going to do the soft version of it. I am excited because I do believe my life needs some stability to it and I feel like this would help me a lot. I need to read more books that aren't fanfiction lol (as much as I love it). I'm going to be going to the gym every day for 45 minutes. Eating healthier and reading more books. I have a ton of books that I really need to get through. I also need to get back into crocheting. I had a business with one of my closest friends, but I just wasn't crocheting enough to upload onto the Etsy site.

I met this older guy last week. He was the nicest person I ever met; I think. He told me that 2024 will be my year. He said I had the most beautiful smile that he has ever seen and that my personality really shines. He almost made me cry honestly. It feels nice when someone sees what I see about myself. It makes me feel not so crazy. Anyway, I'm babbling again so I'm going to wrap this up. I don't think anyone ever sees these, but I like having a little venting diary. Thank for reading if you found this and I want you to know that you matter.

[absolutelyfizzing]

little dove

loki x reader

description - Loki acted so caring around you, more so than anyone else in his life. He loved to take care of you, especially when you had a long day, and he got teased by some of the team for it.

warnings - fem reader, cute loki and pet names, implications of gender fluid loki?, reader gets picked up, slight implications of a nsfw theme the night before

word count - 1900

A/N - this is a pretty plotless blurb but i just love this man, i have been obsessed with the new series and just wanted to write anything about him. i will inevitably be writing for him more so please end me now. there are no spoilers for the new series and it takes place in an AU after new york but pretty much otherwise out of timeline. all the avengers live at the compound together, endgame didnt happen and no i wont talk about it.

MASTERLIST

Loki was not someone who was overly friendly. To most of the people in the compound, he was courteous at best. That rule, however, was bent occasionally. The only exceptions were you and his brother (some of the time). He had been smitten with you the moment he saw you though he would never admit it. You were bubbly and light and the exact opposite of him. You were so friendly and kind that it almost made him want to be the same.

You were kind to him, which he was shocked by. Most of the people in the compound tolerated him but they were never caught being too nice. You, on the other hand, were friendly to him the day you met him.

You weren't an Avenger, you weren't really even a fighter. You were a genius in the medical field as well as the unofficial caretaker of everyone on the team. You made sure that they all ate, they didn't overwork themselves, that they were getting enough sleep every night because they were your closest friends. Everyone listened to you. You had this power over them all that they just wanted to make sure you were happy and that meant they wanted to do what you asked of them. They tried their best to take care of you as well.

When you met Loki and were very nice to him, he expected some ulterior motive. He assumed that there was something you wanted or that you would gain his trust and then humiliate him later. So he kept his guard up. This was proved wrong over the months to come. He noticed that you were that kind to everyone and you were just happy to be around other people. He let you in over time.

You became the only person who he opened up to, even more than his brother. You would keep him company even when he lashed out at others and when he was filled with guilt. You forgave him for his past without question and opened up to him as well. It took probably 3 months for Loki to realize that he was in love with you.

He couldn't believe himself. In love with a midgardian? What was he thinking?

But it was undeniable and uncontrollable. He just couldn't help himself. You would read to him and watch movies with him. You would braid his hair when he was stressed and would teach him how to cook when he asked. You were just everything to him. It took him a long time to confess. He was terrified that you would reject him. You could have had anyone you wanted, why would you choose him?

When he did confess, you were thrilled and he couldn't believe it. You kissed him and he thought he could die happy right then and there. He had never felt this much love for anyone besides his mother.

You continued to break his walls down and he fell deeper in love with you every day. He didn't, however, change his behavior towards others very much. He had grown closer to the team, having regained some trust from them all. He was no longer aggressive and he tried very hard not to lash out. Most of that was out of his own desire to be trusted. He realized that he was going to have to make his life work to remain with you and he slowly learned that most of the people in the compound weren't actually as awful as he might have originally guessed. That didn't mean that his personality changed toward them though. He was still slightly cold and short. He wouldn't smile too much and he was what some might call grumpy most of the time.

That only changed around you and everyone noticed. Loki got teased for it constantly and he couldn't care less. He just wanted to make you happy and he had no regard for what anyone thought of your relationship.

He was waiting patiently in the common area of the compound on the couch. Steve and Rhodey were sat on the couch watching something that Loki didn't recognize or care for, it was some kind of reality TV. When he heard the elevator door open he looked toward the door and you were walking towards him. A grin spread over his face and his posture relaxed. He could hear the men on the couch scoff at his sudden change in demeanor. When you got close to him he picked you up and pulled you to straddle his hips on his lap and immediately began kissing all over you. You buried your face in his chest and he kissed your hair.

"How are you, my love?" He mumbled sweetly and you hummed. "Long day?" he questioned and you nodded in affirmation. "Lets go get you some food then, yes?" He asked lightly and you hummed happily. He picked you up and you clung to him, arms and legs wrapping around him. He carried you with ease toward the kitchen. It shocked you sometimes how much he could lift and how easily he lifted you but you had to remind yourself that he was indeed a god.

"How come you never treat us that way?" Rhodey called from the couch and Loki grumbled a bit.

"Oh I'm sorry did you want me to pick you up and make you some tea?" He asked sarcastically and you giggled from where your face was pressed into his chest. He smiled at the fact that he had gotten you to laugh and he set you on the countertop. He tried to pull away to make you some food but you did not let him leave you, still holding on to the front of the shirt that he was wearing. "Do you want to talk about your day?" He asked sweetly, kissing your forehead lightly. You gazed up at him lovingly and his heart skipped a beat.

"I'm just tired. People are annoying and I didn't exactly sleep much last night." You winked at the last part. He smirked at your comment.

"I'm sorry, my love. I was under the impression that you enjoyed what we did last night but I would be happy to give you plenty of time to sleep tonight if that's what you would prefer." he teased and you punched him lightly in the chest.

"Okay fine you're right, I like getting kept up." You confessed. You paused for a moment and his eyes remained on you as he waited patiently for you to continue. "I was mistaken for an intern again today. You would think that after over a year of working here that people would recognize my name and my work but today there were some new investors walking through the facility. When they came to look at my work they started to talk to one of my coworkers and then turned to me to ask me to get them a coffee order while they waited for the doctor to arrive." You grumbled, your mood now sour at the memory. Loki frowned and he felt his anger begin to take shape inside of him. His eyes flashed green for a moment.

"Would you like me to go and teach them a lesson? Perhaps just to mildly terrify them?" he asked, fully serious. That cheered you up plenty and you chuckled. Loki knew that you were laughing because of the absurdity of his statement and the fact that he was dead serious but he was just happy to see you smile again. "I will never understand the midgardian obsession with gender roles. Though I suppose my own identity is more fluid than most asgardians as well." He confessed and you brought your hand to rest on the side of his face. He leaned his head into your hand as he beamed at you. You loved when he compared his home to yours. It reminded you just how powerful he was and that he still chose to spend his days with you. There was suddenly a flash of green before he held his hand out to you, now holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers. When you gasped and moved to grab them he slipped from your grasp to move towards the refrigerator.

"Hey that's not fair, you tricked me." You pouted at him, now grumbling that you couldn't hold him anymore.

"Little dove, I cannot make you food when you hold onto me. When I am finished cooking then you can stay with me for as long as you would like." He promised and you nodded solemnly. He quickly pressed another kiss to your cheek before moving around the kitchen to prepare you waffles as he often did when you were having a long day. You observed the beautiful flowers in your hand and watched him as he moved around the kitchen, a million times more comfortable than he had been when he first moved into the compound. You talked contentedly with the people passing by as well as the man who was diligently trying to improve your mood. Occasionally one of the other team members would walk by and laugh a bit at how caring he was acting toward you, all of them just happy you were content though. Eventually Thor stopped by while Loki put some batter into the waffle iron and sliced some fruit.

"You know, this is the happiest I have ever seen him." He stated simply, a smile in is voice.

"It's the happiest I've been too." You responded with a small grin.

"The last time I saw him open up to someone the way that he opens up to you was on Asgard with our mother. She would be happy to see him being so vulnerable again." He patted your back and walked away as tears started to come to your eyes. The brothers would talk of their mother sometimes and Loki often mention the fact that he believed she would have loved you, if not for your own personality then for what you did for her son. You wished that you could meet her.

You were suddenly taken out of your thoughts by someone handing you a plate of waffles and sliced up fruit with a little container of syrup on the side. You looked up at Loki and nearly cried right there. You put the plate aside for a moment to reach out and pull him into a crushing hug. He was a bit startled but responded quickly, a hand going to the back of your head and his fingers brushing through your hair soothingly.

"Did something happen, my love?" He asked softly and you sniffled a bit.

"Just love you and I'm very thankful for everything you do for me." You got out and he affirmed to himself that he would die for you in an instant.

"I love you too, darling, but I slaved away at those waffles and now they are getting cold." He teased and he kissed your hair gently. You took a deep breath before pulling away, looking up at him with love. You smiled and then hopped off of the counter. He walked with you over to the dining table where he sat next to you and serenely waited as you ate, the food lifting your spirits a bit and easing your anxiety of the day. You planned on spending the rest of it with the man next to you as well as every day after that.

[thisfanisgonesorry]

Marrying medic fic?🥺 wedding night mayhap s?? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

hehe this tickles my brain methinks , rlly hope u enjoy this anon <3 [part 2] cw // pure fluff man, ive never been to a wedding before lol, i did so much research for it, i decided to keep it sfw bc it was just too cute to make sexy :) + miss pauling is the only reason the event didnt fall apart, reference to the comic lore.

<3 I stood at the end of the aisle as I watched Ludwig stand in the middle waiting for me, he was anxiously looking around to see the other mercs with a few other friends and family though it was kept scarce. Travish sat on the piano, playing a majestic soft song as I slowly began to walk down towards the man I love, the one I’m about to marry. It’s nerve wracking, really. Sure, without a doubt, we both knew we’d spend the rest of our lives together with or without a wedding but it was still terrifying. Slowly getting pulled away from my thoughts as Ludwig, unsurprisingly but also as a failed surprise, had his doves make the scenery look like it was unreal, which meant a lot since this was a small wedding with nothing over the top. Given his job, it’s not like we had much of a choice; though there weren’t many complaints to be had. The location was nice and the thought put into it made up for it, though I’m sure just going down to sign the papers and leave married would have worked just as well. Since it was a little under planned, there was no seating arrangement, no bridesmaids (unless you count Miss Pauling) or best men (and unless you count Misha), but it was representative of our friends and lives. Reaching the middle of the aisle with a harsh stop as I turned to look at Ludwig, standing in a black suit with a team coloured tie. “You look beautiful.” He whispered, hooking our arms and continuing to walk down the aisle. “The doves were a little cliche.” I smiled. He looked back at me, pretending to be offended. “What? Everyone always wants doves at their wedding. Didn’t think you would too.” “Took me a week to teach them that!” He quietly joked, before reaching the minister, who has his book ready to read from. Miss Pauling organised most of the wedding, including hiring the said minister, who looked young and spoke professionally. He welcomed everyone as he read out slowly, stating the purpose of the ceremony though it was more than obvious, before turning to me, “Your vows?” I pulled out a small slip of paper, glancing over the traditional vows. “I take you, Ludwig, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health;” I cleared my throat, “Especially if for any reason you want to dismember me for your science—” Ludwig glared at me with a soft smile, “Continue the vows.” “But I also take you to love and to cherish, till death do us part.” I snickered at the ‘death’, given the incident with Mundy, death would not be what parted us. Ludwig smiled adoringly, before pulling out his own ‘traditional’ vows from his front pocket, adding his own snarky comment about promising to always reattach my limbs, unless he doesn’t want to. He also struggled to keep a straight face while saying ‘till death do us part.' Before the minister could ask for the rings, Miss Pauling rushed up with them both, stunning him before he began his speech about how significant the rings are as Ludwig took my hand as he began reciting the words that the minister told him to. “I give you this ring, as a symbol of our love, for today and tomorrow,” He spoke through his thick accent, though it seemed to roll off his tongue as if he wasn’t being told what to say, “and know that my love is present, even when I am not.” Once the ring was placed on my hand, the minister glanced towards me as I repeated the actions, taking his hand, reciting the words and placing his respective ring on his hand. The minister gestured towards the both of us once again, “Do you, Ludwig, take y/n to be your lawfully wedded wife?” He tried to contain a wide smile, “I do.” “And do you, y/n, take Ludwig to be your lawfully wedded husband?” This is it, this is the moment that defines the rest of our semi-immortal lives. “Yes, I do.” “By the authority vested in me by the state of New Mexico, I now pronounce you husband and wife.” He spoke, giving a soft smile to Ludwig; “You may kiss the bride.” He was giddy and full of energy, he pulled me into an excited hug while

kissing me, spinning us around in his childlike energy as his large body engulfed me wholly into the embrace.

“Ich liebe dich, meine frau.” He smiled; I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this happy, his words barely audible over the sound of everyone’s applause and cheers. “Thank you.” “I love you too.” I said, slightly struggling against his grip. “Can you please let me go, seriously, I want to get out of this dress, it’s very uncomfortable.” He let out a slight chuckle as he unwrapped his arms from the tight embrace, as we walked into the building and began the recessional.