#i even considered myself somewhat of a bisexual for quite some time lol

[rylxdreams]

Had this thought for a long time now, but I'm slowly getting used to calling myself somewhere on the aroace spectrum. Key word being "somewhere."

I mean.. As I said, I had this thought in my mind for a long time (since I was in junior high I think), but there's still some things I need to figure out more.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being upset i got cheated on?

CW NSFW content, alcohol.

Maybe misleading title, and this happened over 2 years ago now, but it’s something that still keeps me up at night lol. Some context, 2ish year ago i (then 20GNC) was living with a few classmates/friends while we attended university together, along with my (now ex) partner (25F). One of my roommates was a very close friend of mine (19GNC) and had a very sheltered childhood. Due to this, they were having a period of discovery as they were moved out for university. This led to fairly frequent parties with somewhat heavy drinking. During one of these evenings, the three of us(myself, the roommate, and my partner) got fairly intoxicated and we all ended up sleeping together and then we simply never discussed it again.

That’s all context for the event that my post is referencing. During another one of these parties, a friend (20M) was visiting and was also drinking quite heavily. My partner had recently come out as bisexual after only dating women and had asked me if it was okay to kiss the male friend who was visiting and I said that was okay. About halfway through the night, I had decided to go to bed as I wasn’t really having much fun as I wasn’t drinking and felt as though I was mostly babysitting and making sure everyone was okay. A few hours later I woke up in the early hours of the morning and realized my partner was not in bed next to me as she normally would have been by this time. At this point I entered the hallway and heard… noises… coming from my roommates room which was right next to mine. I will spare everyone the details but my roommate, the male friend, and my partner, had all ended up sleeping together. I was LIVID. In my mind, just because some things had happened in the past, and that I had said I was okay with my partner kissing the male friend, did NOT mean that i would be okay with further things happening, especially without my knowledge or consent. This turned into a massive fight between my roommate and I as they “didn’t know they were supposed to feel bad about it without me saying I was upset,” as I had taken a few days of no contact to try and calm myself down. We “had a discussion” about everything that had happened and nothing was ever truly resolved, no one apologized to me as they did not feel that there was anything they should apologize for, and life just went on.

I stayed in a relationship with that partner for another 4 months after that incident before we broke up, and I stayed living in the house for another year after the incident. The entire time i was living there and part of that friend group, there was always this awkward air around the fact that I was still upset about what happened… Everyone in the periphery of the group had not explicitly told me, but made it very clear that i should just “get over it” so that life could go on as usual…

Two years after all of this I have cut contact with everyone involved in that group because i never felt that I was being irrational for wanting an apology, or to even feel as though anyone involved felt remorse for what happened, considering it was my partner and my best friend and this was, in my opinion, a massive breach of trust and a massive show of disrespect for me and my feelings… AITA for not “getting over it”??

What are these acronyms?

[dapperfvck-arc]

BASIC.

FULL NAME. John Constantine NICKNAME. officially, Conjob, mostly from his days on the punk scene. On the esoteric side of things he may be referred to “The Laughing Magician” or, more derisively “a petty dabbler”. BIRTHDAY. May 10 (by original Hellblazer canon, he was born in 1953, but I’ve taken it upon myself to adjust his birth year to some time in the early 70s give or take) ETHNIC GROUP.  Caucasian NATIONALITY.  English (with strongly implied deep Russian roots) LANGUAGE.  English, basic grasp of most major European languages, profound fluency in dead/magical/infernal languages SEXUAL ORIENTATION. Bisexual af RELATIONSHIP STATUS. Verse/continuity dependent, though this blog is fairly heavily multi-ship. However, it should be noted that on the MCU continuity, John is in an exclusive, committed relationship with Matt Murdock ( @dcviltongued ) CLASS. Middle to lower class. Is very good at getting fast money (scams, gambling, dealing in magic artifacts/antiques of questionable quality and veracity) so may appear to be better off at certain times HOME TOWN / AREA. Liverpool, England, but has been living in London since leaving the family home at 17. CURRENT HOME. Heavily verse/continuity/thread dependent. John is a frequent traveller. PROFESSION. Somewhat verse/continuity dependent. Really it’s just a matter of whether or not he charges for exorcisms or magic rituals. My personal endgame for John is legitimacy. Like becoming a preternatural PI (and sometimes mundane) for hire or whatever. As a general rule though, his profession is con artist. He’s never worked a honest day’s work in his life. The closest he ever got was when he was a “rock star”. He could also be considered a professional gambler, patronizing horse tracks, underground card games, legal casinos, and I imagine can hustle at pool. Scams range from blackmail to using his reputation as an occultist to take advantage of people willing to pay for spell work.

PHYSICAL.

HAIR. Short and usually rather messy. He rocks bedhead pretty aggressively. May be shaved and very short on the sides and styled into a faux to actual mohawk. He’s very blonde despite not getting very much sun as a general.  EYES. Electric blue, often almost fever bright. Deep and captivating, extremely intense straight on. NOSE. difficult to pin down due to the range of styles in which John have been drawn. Usually broad and more or less regular, occasionally somewhat crooked from being broken, though by and large, it’s portrayed as straight. Some artists, such as Moriat and Sean Murphy have drawn it as narrow and somewhat aquiline. I guess, I tend lean toward the former despite my deep love for Murphy’s interpretation of John, simply because I feel like my choice in FC is somewhat based on Tim Bradstreet and Leonardo Manco’s artistic interpretations of John, both of which I honestly adore just as well. FACE. Yet another loooong explanation here, I’m sorry. Artists tend to lean between giving him either a square face, classically handsome appearance (Steve Dillon, John Higgins, Ron Tiner, most of artists that have drawn him in the DC titles he’s appeared in), a broader, more every man appearance (Sean Phillips, Leonardo Manco to some degree, though later proved quite capable of drawing him stunningly handsome, and Tim Bradstreet), however still attractive but somewhat more haggard, stubbled, and/or slightly seedy in appearance, and finally a sharper, more diamond shape to his face featuring high cheekbones, a pointed chin and fine bone structure (Sean Murphy, Marcelo Frusin, and Moriat). Once more, in reference to my face claim for John, I suppose I tend to favour a more classically handsome appearance, simply because I like the idea of him having a pleasant, almost trustworthy face given that he is a con artist and considered an extremely good one (sometimes even the greatest con artist alive but idk whatever), and I feel like looking as dodgy as say, Frusin’s interpretation, I can’t imagine him being as successful as he is, you feel me? That guy looks like he’ll fuck you over for a corn chip. LIPS. Sensuous, faintly lined from his his smoking habit COMPLEXION.  Like any good Englishman that tends to move about by night and quite a bit dressed, John’s very pale. I do think he has a faintly pronounced undertone of pink. This colour will get brighter when he gets drunk, aroused, angry, or the exceedingly rare instance that he’s embarrassed  BLEMISHES. None SCARS. Aside from the scarification, which is better off detailed in the next section, and I ALWAYS FORGET TO MENTION THIS, he definitely has a long scar over one eye from a demon trying to cut it out with a blade. Since many magic rituals call for blood, I head canon that he also has faint scarring on his arms because he doesn’t practice human or animal sacrifice and his own blood instead.

TATTOOS. Arse tattoo of pine tree courtesy of Swamp Thing being a punk bitch, ritual tattoos faded into appearing as scarification. HEIGHT. 5′11 (184.34 cm) WEIGHT: prolly ranges between 150-160lbs (140 at his lightest) BUILD.  Long legs, somewhat of a broad upper torso, can be a bit soft in the middle. In general, he’s rather thin but his musculature is not usually very defined. In other words, no big, sexy pecs or cut abs. If anything he’s more sleek lines and narrow planes. ALLERGIES.  none USUAL HAIR STYLE. Freshly fucked USUAL CLOTHING. Dark suits, usually dark blue or black and trench coat, usually tan, has also been portrayed as black, yellow, or a mossy kinda green. In theory it could be said that these aren’t just differing interpretations from artists but that John owns coats in different colours, styles, and fabrics, but his favourite is the tan, longer style

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR. abandonment, amounting to nothing, not being able to protect those he cares about ASPIRATION. survival, making some kind of mark on this world, a measure of contentment POSITIVE TRAITS. Compassionate and determined, above all. Though not about to admit to it, he's still deeply idealistic. Strangely forgiving. He doesn’t really keep grudges. Loving, considerate, understanding, and rarely judgmental  NEGATIVE TRAITS. Those good things up above? They’re encased in a shell of harsh cynicism and apathy. Depending on his mood or particular part of his life depends on how hard a shell he is to crack. He may also experience depressive periods where he doesn’t give a shit about anyone or anything and just wants to drink. VICE HABIT.  Chain smokes, drinks, frequency dependent on what’s up in his life, though I do not believe he’s an alcoholic, sorry, because lol look, drinking a lot doesn’t mean you have a dependency. Indulges in drugs infrequently, mostly hallucinogens and weed, though I also tend to head canon that he flirted with a cocaine habit while fronting Mucous Membrane.  FAITH.  It’s complicated GHOSTS? Duh. He sees them plain as any living person AFTERLIFE?  Yeah, but uh, he doesn’t consider them eternal respites. They’re just planes of existence that he can either enter, leave, or pull people out. REINCARNATION? Maybe? ALIENS? I meeeeaannn....technically in DCU he’s acquainted with the concept of aliens and may or may not have fucked Hal Jordan POLITICAL ALIGNMENT. Liberal ECONOMIC PREFERENCE. comfortable  SOCIOPOLITICAL POSITION. working class warlock EDUCATION LEVEL.  Predominately self-educated. His frightfully intelligent and has been cited as having genius level intellect. Although I’m not sure I’d go so far as confirm that, I do thing he’s extremely clever and pragmatic. School bored him to tears and he was the type of kid the counselors and teachers say “exceedingly bright but unwilling to apply himself”. He reads voraciously, has an eidetic memory, and isn’t afraid of putting himself in new situations.

FAMILY.

FATHER.  Thomas (dead, murdered by the Family Man) MOTHER.  Mary Anne (died in child birth) SIBLINGS.  Cheryl (murdered by husband, currently residing in Hell), an unnamed twin brother referred to as the Golden Child or Boy, the true heir to the Laughing Magician (stillborn, soul was later absorbed by John in trippy magic ritual, only to be expelled later in life when it was revealed that...uh...he was influencing John’s destiny to be perpetually sabotaged. Hellblazer’s a weird comic, you guys) EXTENDED  FAMILY.  Gemma, his niece. They have a rather stormy relationship. Chas, his best mate. Lovers may also be included in this. NAME MEANING. John: Jehovah has been Gracious/Shown Favour (lmao) Constantine: Constant, steadfast, generally referred to as “The Constant One”

HISTORICAL CONNECTION. Is strongly implied that John’s related, if perhaps distantly, to Constantine the Great.

FAVOURITES.

BOOKS.  Prefers non-fiction MUSIC. Rock music, most notably 70s and 80s era punk rock. Likes the Pogues. Given the stack of evidence that John skirts the edge of the Goth scene cos he likes the aesthetic on women, I have a feeling he’s adopted into his music tastes. The Cure, Smiths, and Cocteau Twins in reference to an 80s mixtape John might make. Which i question the Smiths heavily, but The Cure and Cocteau Twins seems fairly legit. I bet Kit loved the Cocteau Twins. In that same vein of thought, although I tend to think John doesn’t like electronic music, he may have adopted some industrial bands into his preferences but he’s not about to talk about ti any time soon. DEITY.  Whichever one doesn’t hate him HOLIDAY.  doesn’t care MONTH. same SEASON.  Fall PLACE.  London or New York, in the case of sentimentality that he will never be able to get back to, the years when he was bumming around Ireland with Brenden and Kit WEATHER. Overcast SOUND.  He’s a city boy through and through, even if he may get frustrated with society on a whole, so he’s comforted by city sounds more than silence SCENT.  A freshly poured pint, the first cigarette of the day, skin and sex sweat TASTE.  Gin FEEL. He’s a sensualist. Body to body, breathing another person’s breath, his please, another person’s pleasure, his pleasure, all that good stuff. I also feel like he enjoys being drunk or stoned for the sake of having his thoughts dulled to a degree. He’s the sort of man who has lots of thoughts and situational observational input. John is basically perpetually mentally overstimulated and he likes the relief from that in inebriation. ANIMAL.  Fox  NUMBER.  hahaha idea numerology man COLOUR.  warm and neutral tones

EXTRA.

TALENTS. So many. He’s a jack of all trades in a lot of ways. He can pick a lock, displays some artistic talent in that he can draw very intricate magic circles and sigils, if you consider that John wrote Venus of the Hardsell, he’s clearly got some ability to express himself in lyrics and words, i like to think he can play guitar, is apparently good with delicate craftsmanship (he used to help Dani build furniture for her dollhouses. This is canon by the way), suppose you could say he can sort of sing, but that’s debatable, and of course he’s very manipulative and speaks very well, is educated enough to be able to bullshit through various situations. TURN ONS. Total ass man, loves a great ass on a man or woman, dark hair, dark eyes, strong men, he’s a switch, but loves being manhandled and dominated to a degree, by either gender, honestly, danger, open affection, being wanted, loved, and cherished. So many things, honestly. John Constantine is easy. TURN OFFS.   Hardcore kink HOBBIES. Sleep, pub crawls, pretending he’s normal, reading TROPES. Con man with a heart of gold, charming bastard, unrepentant rogue, urban magician, supernatural detective, living legend AESTHETICS. smoke, chalk dust, wind and rain swept streets, London after midnight, narrow, dark alleys, haunted places, rumpled bed sheets, messy hair, dive bars, wicked smiles, deep kisses

FC INFO.

MAIN  FC. Ewan McGregor // comic caps from various issues he’s appeared ALT  FC. Keanu Reeves for my filmverse OLDER  FC. Don’t have one as yet YOUNGER  FC. Ewan McGregor   VOICE  CLAIM.  Jason Stathem

Tagged by: @vamptrampbamf Tagging: lmao fuckin everyone.