#i even capitalized all of my sentences wow

[vashtijoy]

Hey there! First off, I wanted to thank you for all your analyses and thoughts on P5 - they've really helped deepen my appreciation of this monster of a game! Now, onto the question (why yes I did create a Tumblr just to ask this, ha) - when do you think Akiren was arrested? I'd guess late March from context clues (or a little earlier if he's from a warmer place), but a couple weeks seems like a really quick turnaround to be placed in Sojiro's care. Curious to know what your thoughts are!

Wow, thank you! That's really kind of you. Great journal name, BTW.

I don't think it will have been two weeks. IMO it will have been some time the previous year, most likely in the summer holiday. Ren is out after dark, and he and the woman are both lightly dressed. You can see green leaves on the trees in the background—this is not definitive by any means, but by September, leaves on trees in P5 tend to have faded to brown, while in March the trees tend to be pink and in blossom.

(Also, notice how built-up this area is, and how tall the buildings are. A lot of people think Ren is from somewhere like Inaba, but this scene makes it look like he's from somewhere more like a regional capital.)

Ren is what's known as a "Type 1 Juvenile" (p. 123)—he's been sentenced to probation by the family/juvenile court, for at most until his 20th birthday. After a year, he can be discharged from probation if he's behaved himself:

If the probationer has complied with their conditions and has led a sound life for at least a year, the Director of the Probation Office can permit an early discharge.

Note that "live a sound life". We see it quite often in the top right-hand corner, as "live an honest student life". And that period of a year that Sojiro keeps bringing up is important—Ren won't have been allowed to sit around waiting for the new school year; he's likely just been sentenced, and reported in short order to Leblanc.

How long was the trial process? Ohya mentions in her confidant that she looked into Ren's conviction and thought it was obviously unsafe: "I have to say though, the ruling made in your case was really odd. Some kind of deal must have gone down behind the scenes to make sure that was the end result."

So it was probably rushed through. But it's Japan—even a rushed trial is going to chew up a fair amount of time. The prosecutors have to investigate and compile reports that make them look good and not corrupt, the trial date has to be set, the judge has to read everyone's reports and make a decision (Japanese trials are often essentially conducted on paper). Then there's sentencing and appeal. Then Ren's professional probation officer in his hometown (Sojiro is a volunteer probation officer, or VPO) has to find a school that will take him and a place for him to stay and (technically) receive guidance.

Could it be seven months or so, August-ish to March? Probably easily, yeah.

why doesn't he repeat a year

So if Ren is arrested around August 2015, and started his first year of high school in April 2015, why doesn't he repeat the year?

Well, first of all, do we know Ren is 16? Could he have been in his second year in his home town? I think we would have heard about this, honestly—someone would mention that he looks too old, or Kamoshida would have mentioned that the terrible transfer student is Repeating A Year. Ren likely is the same age as the rest of his year group.

While it's almost unheard-of for children in Japanese elementary and middle schools to repeat years, it's quite common in high schools. You can repeat for not getting good enough grades, or for poor attendance. But repeating must be approved. If you're seen as having, say, a poor attitude? You're likely to be politely told to shove it, and move up with the rest of your year.

I don't think we can fairly say that post-conviction Ren is perceived as having a good attitude. He certainly is not at Shujin. I think Kobayakawa threw him into the second year not caring too much if he sank or swam.

Ren also may not have been expelled from his original school until he was convicted—which would mean, based on this timeline, that he did get most of his first year of high school.

[gurugirl]

I love stepdad Harry! Always brings a smile to my face when i see youve posted (guilty pleasure yum). Thank you for the last one!

but i cannot get enough of stepmom reader. You’ve made that one into something really special. In fact I told someone about it last week and they were like ~ nope. Not into stepmom stuff or older yn. Nope ~

but then guess what? they wound up reading it and binged all three parts and admitted to me that they were wrong 😂 I’m like ‘yeah I know’

just wanted to share that with you! Your stepmom fic is so shockingly good (not shocking bc you’re not a good writer, shocking bc it’s a trope most of us were not interested in) that it’s quickly become my top 5 all time favorite.

i cannot wait for part 4! I adore them and you so much. Do you have any idea when part 4 will come out? Any sneaky???

ps.. sorry for the weird capitalization stuff going on there. My phone decided when to capitalize randomly and I’m too lazy to fix.

A Good Boy sneak peek under the cut below!

🥹 thank you so much, babe. Really glad you liked the stepdad!harry from yesterday! That was a quick little fun thing to write.

As for stepmom!reader - wow! I really love that you're liking it so much and talking about it with other people and that your friend changed their mind 😂 Seems to be the theme for that fic. So many of y'all didn't think you'd like it based on the trope alone but I'm surprised that you guys did enjoy it anyway! Makes me smile.

So, I'm almost done with part 4. I think I can have it out by Thursday? Maybe? I'm super busy today (well, busy for me LOL) and gonna try to write but I've also got something I'm working on that someone paid me to write so I'm prioritizing that. Thursday at the earliest I'll post part 4 but I'll let y'all know.

And the random capitalization? My phone does the same. 😂 The words can't, can, and don't often get capitalized in the middle of sentences and it's a crapshoot on when the beginning of a sentence will be capitalized or not. I need to turn it off so it just leaves everything lowercase. So no judgement from me!

Sneak peek below !! (just remember this is literally copied from the word doc I'm writing in and hasn't been proofread or edited so some changed may be made before I post part 4)

Y/n was wearing her newly altered peach silk dress. The alterations were simple. The straps and hem were adjusted and the back column was dropped down a bit to drape to her low back. Her strappy nude heels were well-worn but comfortable because she was just simply not in the mood to wear the stiff, new heels she’d just bought.

The estate of Rebecca Manera was impressive. Probably equally as impressive as Leonardo Styles’. Most of the guests had already arrived by the time the Styles’ walked through the front door a little late.

Leo scolded Y/n for taking so long to get ready and making them run behind but in all honesty, she didn’t give a fuck. They could be half an hour late. No one would care. Why rush to go to a party? It’s not like they needed to clock in and earn a paycheck.

“It’s rude, Y/n. That’s why it matters. You’re so goddamn rude sometimes. You only think about yourself.”

She turned sharply to look at her husband in shock. That was the first time he’d ever said such a thing to her. Normally he had no opinion on how she conducted herself. She was chronically late. Yes, she could admit that was a flaw in her character but she was on time when it really counted. But to get so worked up over a party? And to insult her on top of it?

That had set the whole mood for the night. And now she was even more suspicious about this Rebecca.

But when Rebecca did make her appearance and introduced herself to Y/n she was taken aback. The woman had to be in her 50s. She was pretty, sure, but not quite Leo’s type. If Y/n were any sort of indicator of a type.

Servers walked around with trays and served the couples in attendance. There were only ten couples there as well as Rebecca’s two daughters, Y/n learned. Quite the intimate affair really.

Leo brought a glass of wine to Y/n as she chatted with Mrs. Topman (she never learned her first name, as the woman literally introduced herself as Mrs. Topman).

“Here you are darling.” His green eyes shined down at her before searching the room casually. She was on to Leo. But she found it odd that the woman he was with in the Hamptons was Rebecca. She was intrigued.

She watched Rebecca mingle and sip wine and laugh and there was nothing there that made Y/n think Leo would be interested in her sexually. But maybe that was it, Y/n thought to herself as she cocked her head to the side watching the woman speak boisterously. Maybe it wasn’t sexual. Maybe it was a woman he felt a deeper connection with than he did with Y/n. Perhaps it hadn’t started sexual but led there.

The snack table was set up with decadent treats. Y/n picked up a toast smeared with something pink, topped with heart-shaped tomatoes on top as she scanned the room for Leo, wondering where he’d gone off to. It hadn’t been that long but knowing about Rebecca being with him made things feel like she was in some kind of true crime detective story and was trying to get to the bottom of a mystery. Though there was no crime being committed, she could entertain herself with that thought.

“Are you enjoying your time tonight?”

Y/n turned her sight to Rebecca who was next to her picking up the same toast with pink schmear.

“It’s amazing. Your home is so lovely, Mrs. Manera,” she smiled and noted the woman’s massive diamond ring in addition to her massive diamond wedding ring.

“Why thank you. Phineas has put in so much work to make this large shell into a lovely cozy home.”

Y/n nearly spat her bite out. The home was anything but cozy.

“It’s incredible. Where is Mr. Manera tonight?”

“Oh, just over there,” she pointed to a man in tweed with thick black-framed glasses, “You haven’t met yet?”

Rebecca led the way as Y/n walked in her wake to meet Mr. Manera. She had still not spotted her own husband.

“Phineas, dear, this is Mrs. Styles. Leonardo’s wife.”

The man held his hand out, “Very nice to meet you, Mrs. Styles.”

“Likewise. You can call me Y/n.”

 “Well, Y/n. We’re happy to have you here. Where’s Leo anyway? Haven’t seen him.”

Turning around quickly to look over her shoulder she shrugged and faced the man and his wife again, “Not sure actually. I haven’t seen him in a bit myself,” she laughed. And before she could even think about what she was implying she spoke to Rebecca, “But I’m sure you’ve seen enough of him since you saw him in the Hampton’s this weekend.”

Rebecca and Phineas’ smiles dropped as they looked at one another and then back to Y/n, “I haven’t been to the Hamptons in over a decade. Are you sure you’re not mistaking me for Parker? Our daughter? She was just there all weekend with her girlfriends.”

A Good Boy Masterlist

A Good Boy tags: @becauseheartsgetbroken-hs @shishcabobsworld @daphnesutton @spinnerswife69 @holy-macncheese-balls @cookielovesbook-akie @lilfreakjez @itsgigikay @amateurduck

[chaos0pikachu]

Hi chaos,

I don't know if you've heard of the Ohm-Nanon fans going to Nanon's concert wearing Ohm masks but it happened? (I don't know how to end that sentence.) (Sorry, English isn't my first language.)

You have written about parasocial relationships so I wanted to ask why are people still involved in Ohm-Nanon? Bad Buddy ended so long ago and they are still doing all this. What makes Ohm-Nanon so special? We haven't see such huge bad behaviour from other pair brands.

Please never ever apologize for how you sound in English which is a dumb broken language anyway lol fr you're English is great

anyways um, what in the fucking purge?? lmao sorry the masks thing is just taking me out I'm imagining it and the image in my head is giving kdrama to the max with the discord music and everything lmaoooo

I had not heard of that b/c I don't follow actors like that at all this is very much Brand New Information.gif for me whew wow

Soft disclaimer here I am not an expert behavioral science or anything related so like, anything I say in regards to this is based only on what I've read, can link to from experts in the field, and speculation.

I don't think OhmNanon are necessarily "special" tbh like this behavior is extreme but I wouldn't call it "new".

In western fandom you had or still have fans behaving like this we just call them "tinhats".

Like, take Larries for instance, Louis just spoke about it in an interview that nothing he can say will deter the conspiracies theorists so he's kinda stuck. This article from VOX is old (2016) but it features a pretty clear cut timeline of the theories, and obsession tinhats have with Larry. Even before Larry there was J2 (Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki from Supernatural):

I want to note that One Direction stopped being an active band in 2016, almost 8 years ago. And neither Harry nor Louis have been spotted like, hanging out~~ in public for almost that entire time. Meanwhile Jared and Jensen have been been married to their wives since 2010, almost 15 years.

To play fair, Caitríona Mary Balfe (best known for Outlander) is also at the root of a tinhat conspiracy with her costar Sam Heughan. Caitriona has been married since 2019.

Western fandom likes to pretend this environment of fan entitlement, and obsessing over costars relationships is an East Asian entertainment only thing. I thoroughly disagree, and I'm sure the people involved in these various tinhat conspiracies, many who have been thoroughly and ruthlessly harassed along with their spouses, family, friends, and anyone else caught in the crossfire would also disagree.

For me the only arguable difference between like MewGulf and Larry is MewGulf played up skinship as a means of capital and for work, while Louis and Harry were just two dudes in a band.

[I even watched the old school MewGulf videos of them during Peak Fanservice Era and I gotta say it's all so obviously hilarious fake and played up I would have never taken them seriously as a true blue couple. They reminded me more of Adam Lambert making out with his bassist during his FYE tour (Tommy, who from what I remember is straight but idk 100%) for the fun and rock n roll of it all.]

I'm getting off track, I don't think OhmNanon are "special" by-the-by because I've seen this entitled and obsessive behavior with other tinhat ships. The length of time doesn't really matter, what matters is sunk cost fallacy:

"the phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandonment would be more beneficial."

Fans have invested time, love, and literal money into Ohm and Nanon, therefore giving them up - and thus giving up the "community" they've build with other Ohm and Nanon fans - is unthinkable and painful.

Combine that with general fan entitlement towards public figures, the para-sociality of believe you, individually, know what's "best" for this person - aka this STRANGER - and there's a belief that you can change or force an outcome that suits your needs and wants.

There's a lot of dehumanization involved in fan entitlement, ppl stop viewing public figures - especially actors and musicians - as products rather than people. And with a product if you leave a bad review, and enough bad reviews the company will fix and change the product.

But people aren't products, and you can't force them to do what you want or be who you want them to be just because it upsets YOU individually.

So at the end of the day, what's gonna happen with Ohm and Nanon? Well, they'll probably just keeping doing what they do. Filming their individual shows, maybe one of them will do another BL - I think Ohm already has one in the works? - and try to move on with their lives. They're coworkers and from what I've seen seem fine being coworkers. I'm not interested in speculating what their relationship is, or was, publicly, they've said they're fine with each other so I'm very es lo que es about it.

For fans, well they're probably slowly taper off eventually with only a core group of "true believers" or whatever like some MewGulf, BrightWin and others have. As fans I think the only thing we can do is discourage the behavior, and be empathetic towards the people being harassed.

Now I'm gonna leave you with my favorite debunk of a tinhat post:

[natalynsie]

Candy (Noco Oneshot)

Cody’s afternoons consisted of normal teenage things. Playing video games, doing homework, and thinking about Gwen.

So, a usual Thursday afternoon, Cody was laying in bed, watching a youtube video but not fully paying attention, and thinking about Gwen.

He thought about how she looked today in Spanish, and the things she said, all the typical stupid delusional teenage boy things that consumed Cody’s life.

Yeah. By this point, Cody knew he had no shot with Gwen. He stopped flirting with her for the most part. And they were chill as friends. Well, more like acquaintances. Either way, he stopped all of that because at this point he knew he was being annoying. But that didn’t stop him from thinking about her.

Cody yawned and turned off his phone.

Spanish was great. Cody loved sitting behind Gwen. When the teacher wasn’t being a stickler, Cody had a good time talking to Trent, Gwen, and Noah. And he did. And Gwen looked so good. She put her hair up in a half-up-half-down and she couldn’t have looked cuter. Cody was 79% sure she caught him staring.

Cody rubbed his eyes, adjusting his pillow.

Noah looked pretty cute too. He wore jeans today, and this cute little button-up shirt. Cody wondered why Noah had dressed so nicely these past few weeks. Whatever it was, Cody was not complaining. He didn’t mind a little eye candy.

In English that morning, they played grammar games. It was table versus table, and the winners each round got candy. If that wasn’t a motivator, Cody didn’t know what was.

Unfortunately, the rest of the class thought the same way.

“The second sentence should have a comma. You need to move you’re in the way. should have a comma between move and you’re. Congratulations to Eva’s table.”

Eva smirked at Cody and his table.

Ms. Brown walked to Eva’s table with a bowl of candy.

“Thank you Ms. Brown,” Harold said dryly. Leshawna, Ezekiel, and Eva just responded by taking their candy.

“You won this time Eva, but we will be victorious!” Izzy exclaimed.

“Calm down Izzy,” Noah suggested.

Izzy shook her head at Eva before returning her eyes to her own table with Noah and Cody.

“We gotta step up our game, guys,” Cody heard Courtney say from another table with Duncan and Alejandro. Cody turned his attention to Trent’s table, but it seemed he, Tyler, and Justin weren’t really interested. The other two tables did seem in-the-game, though.

“Okay, gameplan,” Noah began. “Me and Izzy do the work. Cody checks us over if we get our paper returned. Owen gives the paper to Ms. Brown when we tell him to because he sits the closest. Ready?”

“Wow, Noah. I didn’t know you liked candy that much,” Izzy expressed.

“Yeah, I thought you weren’t big on sweets,” Owen confessed.

“I’m just competitive,” Noah stated.

“No, you aren’t,” Cody replied. “You’re in my gym class. I’ve never even seen you touch a dodgeball.”

Noah crossed his arms, leaning back in his chair. He took a quick glance at Cody before looking away. “I’m just into the game.”

“Ohhh,” Owen smiled. “I get it.”

“Get what?” Cody asked.

Owen laughed. “Nothing.”

Cody remained confused, but brushed it off. “Well I’m glad you’re doing whatever you’re doing, because I love candy.”

“We know,” Noah stated.

“I didn’t,” Izzy told the group.

Ms. Brown handed out the new papers. “Three, two, one, turn your papers over.”

Papers all around the room were immediately turned over.

Cody watched as Izzy and Noah stared at the paper, analyzing every word.

"Capital," Noah deadpanned, scratching the paper with his pencil.

Izzy made some changes all well before Noah handed the paper to Owen.

Owen charged for the teacher's desk, but unfortunately he came back with the paper. "We got the first 3 right but we're missing something."

"Cody," Noah said, shortly.

Cody nodded and immediately took the paper. "You forgot punctuation here," Cody pointed to a spot that read "I asked for a ham sandwich" he said. "Wait. Comma or period?"

"Comma," Noah answered quickly. "Dialogue with dialogue tags after it always has a comma instead of a period."

Cody quickly added a comma and handed the paper back to Owen.

After skimming two other papers Ms. Brown took Owen's.

"Good job. Owen's team wins this round."

Ms. Brown explained why Noah's team won, a few groans at simple mistakes were heard around the room.

Ms. Brown took the candy bowl and let the group each take a piece.

Cody quickly grabbed a green apple jolly rancher and popped it in his mouth.

"I can't believe you like green apple," Noah stated, twirling his snickers bar between his middle and pointer finger.

"It's the best flavor, no questions asked," Cody responded.

Noah rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Want my chocolate?"

"Really?"

"I wouldn't say it if I wasn't offering."

"Okay. Sure." Cody took Noah's snickers, smiling widely.

Noah smiled back.

Cody sat up in bed. He looked at the clock for a moment before staring back at his wall.

When the hell did I start thinking about Noah?

How did he get from Gwen to Noah? He was just thinking about how beautiful Gwen looked and all the things she did today and then he started thinking how beautiful Noah looked and all the things he did today.

And Noah looked so beautiful today.

Why was Cody thinking about how beautiful his friend was?

"Fuck," Cody whispered. "I like him"

Cody laid back down. He liked him. He liked Noah. Of all people.

And why? Because he wore a goddamn button-up shirt and gave him a candy bar in English. Izzy really was right when she said his type was girls who are mean to him and boys who are nice to him.

Cody did not need to like a boy. That was not something he needed to do. Especially with his parents.

Well to look on the bright side, maybe this would help him get over Gwen. Hopefully. But he hoped it wouldn't give him another useless unrequited crush.

Either way, this was a problem for morning Cody.

[elliepassmore]

Night of the Witch review

4/5 stars Recommended if you like: dual POVs, witchy reads, chosen one, historical fantasy

TW torture, animal cruelty (memory)

I really like the premise of the book and think there's good potential here, but the book itself just didn't....wow me. I enjoyed reading it but wanted it to have a bit more oomph to it to be able to make it five stars.

One of my big issues with the book that kept popping up was the German. Did no one involved in the publishing process consult a German speaker? Or at least Google Translate? While the German was meant to help create the worldbuilding, I was taken out of the story almost every time due to the mistakes. Even though the characters are only using single words, the grammar is all over the place. In German, all nouns are capitalized, which Revis and Raasch do for words like Liebste, meine Schwester, and Hauptmarkt, but conveniently don't do for Miststück and only do it half the time for Hexe and Jäger. Likewise, they get the pluralization right for words like Hexen but not for the second part Jäger (which they have plurally as jägers). I promise, people will understand if you don't use an s. Then, there's a little issue of mistranslation, or at least the authors misunderstanding the translation. At the beginning of the book (and thankfully only the beginning 1/3-1/2), they really like using the word unverschämt, which is an adjective and means 'outrageous/rude/brazen/etc.' But the authors use it almost solely like a noun: "They're full of gunpowder, you unverschämt" (p. 18) and "Stay awake, unverschämt" (p.29). Like....what? Those sentences don't make any sense! The translation for 'idiot' in German is just Idiot, or they could've used Dummkopf, or if they wanted to use a non-obvious German word for insulting someone's intelligence, they should've used Trottel or Blödel. Finally, they use the word schiesse liberally throughout the book. Schiesse translates to "shoot," which might be fine if the characters weren't 1) using it like a curse, and 2) actually cursing elsewhere in the book. If the characters didn't use actual curse words in the book, I could believe they were saying "shoot" and keeping things PG (except also for that sex scene). But these two things make me think the authors were trying to use scheisse "shit" and just misspelled it throughout the novel. Again, all of these are very simple mistakes that even a Google search could've fixed. You bother to research the witch trials of Trier but can't be bothered to get the language right?

The actual content of the story was better, probably because we're dealing with fantasy and not things you need to fact check. I definitely wanted there to be more witchiness and magic in the book, and felt we didn't really get enough of that. Perhaps in book 2, but I don't think I'll be picking that one up.

Fritzi starts her journey desperately trying to rescue her cousin, Liesel, from the witch hunters who attacked their village and killed all of its occupants save Fritzi and Liesel. It's a bit weird because I thought Liesel was Fritzi's age (18) at first, or at least a teenager, but then it turns out she's only 10. Regardless, Fritzi feels immense guilt for what happened to their coven and is determined to protect Liesel, and others, from the same fate. Otto says she's got a mouth on her but....I don't really think she has an attitude? She's rightfully freaked out, angry, and defensive when they meet and are getting to know each other, but after that she's pretty chill. She's willing to stand up for herself and others though, and maybe that's what he means? I did like Fritzi as a character. She does end up in a bit of a mess, but practically every adult in her life has been lying to her, either knowingly or not, so it makes sense that she makes mistakes.

Otto is trying his best. He desperately wants things in Trier to change and decides a big show to push revolution is the only way to make that happen. Best laid plans and all that. But Otto is protective and willing to help Fritzi and Liesel. I think he'd help them even if their paths didn't go the same direction, it's clear he's a softy. He and Fritzi have similar guilt in them about their pasts and things that have happened, so they function well as mirrors.

I liked Liesel, she was cute. She has some moments of being wise beyond her years, perhaps due to the goddess whispering in her head, but then she'll get overly delighted by things like dessert and it becomes clear again that she's a kid.

The romance is pretty quick, but it's sweet. It's one of those instaloves where it feels gradual even though they've probably only known each other a week. I tend to be okay with instalove when it doesn't feel like instalove, so other than some stuff at the beginning, I liked the romance.

I'm a little confused by some of the stuff with the Well. The people there pose the argument that they can either protect the Well or go out and protect other people/witches, but...why not both? They have people specifically assigned to protecting the Well already and they already have a separate group of people assigned as guards on patrol, so why not have a subsection of the guards that goes out and helps people/witches? It doesn't seem like it would be a drain on their resources.

Honestly, I don't know why everyone is griping about this being labeled a YA book but not actually being YA. ACOTAR is sometimes labeled as YA and is definitely not. This? I would consider it YA. The characters curse (only in German), but that's normal (and as mentioned, some of it isn't even correct), and refer to The Three or Maiden, Mother, Crone. There's some grim stuff, like killing, off-page witch burnings, and one memory of animal cruelty, but imo there are neither enough scenes nor are the scenes graphic enough that the book warrants an 'adult' designation. As for the sex scene...does it start to tip a little toward 'adult' content? Yes. Is it a graphic sex scene? No. There's very little actual description of what's occurring. I know there's this new push to keep sex entirely out of YA books, but people. Teenagers have sex and they're going to read/watch/find out about it. YA books range from no sex to fade-to-black, to some mild descriptions and imo that's totally fine because it allows teenagers to safely and age appropriately explore and see that stuff in their fiction. While this is definitely on the upper end of 'mild descriptions,' this is also described as an 'upper YA' book.

Overall I enjoyed this book but it didn't wow me as much as I would've liked. Despite there being a graphic torture scene, I feel like a lot of the book's teeth were pulled out. I wanted more magic and more of a plot besides 'travel from A to B.' Also the incorrect German was really annoying.

[mad-rdr]

August Reads

6 books this month!

The Kingdom of Copper by S. A. Chakraborty (★ ★ ★ ★/5): If I could summarize this book in one sentence it would be: a war where neither side is right and everyone dies. If you can’t tell, this book was INSANE. There was so much happening the entire time and everytime I thought my opinions on a character were certain, they did something that completely changed my mind again. There were so many loyalty changes and assassination attempts and self-righteous speeches. My only complaint is that I feel because there are so many characters to keep track of and develop, there’s not really any huge character arcs that should have happened.

The Duchess War by Courtney Milan (★ ★ ★/5): cute and basic regency-era romance. Gotta love a revolutionary duke who realizes he's unmatched when it comes to the woman he loves

Leather & Lark by Brynne Weaver (★ ★ ★/5): Butcher & Blackbird works because it's one of a kind and this sequel is obviously trying to capitalize on that success. Not to say this book wasn't enjoyable, it just wasn't as fun as the first one. The whole fake marriage thing barely makes sense, I really don't get why Lark would bother to try and save Lochlan's life. But anyways, cheers to enemies to lovers ig

Icebreaker by Hannah Grace (★ ★/5): While not a good book (which I knew going in), I was finding it relatively entertaining until the last 20% of the book. Anastasia is honestly so annoying and Nathan gets gross and controlling towards the end. The conflict with Aaron was incredibly drawn out and super repetitive and don’t even get me started on her being pregnant in the epilogue. Anyways- it was fun till it kinda wasn’t but eh, I wasn’t expecting quality.

Raven Rock by Nichole Louise (★ ★ ★ ★/5): A historical fiction book placed right in the heart of the American Revolution, it explains the origins of the legend of the Headless Horseman. And let me just say, wow. It started off a little slow, but by halfway through I was fully engaged in the story. Wolfram was such a compelling character, with his internal conflict regarding his uncle, a man who had been like a father to him, and his ruthlessness during the war. He defies him and ends up saving a child from a burning building, becoming a traitor in the process. His time in Sleepy Hollow with Hulda (resident healer that is seen as a witch and therefore outcasted) was so fun to read about and makes the tragedy of it all that more devastating. I am glad that Wolfram got his revenge against his uncle for not only killing his father but also killing him. I like to think Hulda and Wolfram are haunting Raven Rock together and have found each other in their afterlives. This truly was such a great read and I’m glad I pick led it up. Shoutout to Herkules, the best horse companion a man could have.

The Empire of Gold by S. A. Chakraborty (★ ★ ★ ★ ★/5): I take back everything I said in the last book about there being too many characters to give them proper arcs. This series finale proved me wrong and I am so, so glad. This series has only gotten better with each book and this was definitely the best one. Nahri and Ali cross the world, find allies in ancient beings, come into new powers, discover family secrets, overthrow a mass murderer, and are rebuilding Daevabad from the ground up. They are such a fun pair and I’m truly glad they’ve found their way back to each other. For Dara, I just feel an immense sadness for him. His story is a tragedy and so nuanced and complex- the author did a really good job of handling it and giving him a fitting ending. There’s so much more I could talk about but just know that this was such a good ending and, in one way or another, everyone is working towards their own peace.

[graygiantess]

Writing Pattern Game

Saw this on the timeline and it looked super fun!

Rules: Share the first line of your last ten published works or as many as you are able and see if there are any patterns!

I'm doing oldest to most recently uploaded.

Five Rounds (E): Armand lingered after woodworking class.

Heavy Drum (M): Armand sat in his chair by the window, watching Daniel have a conniption.

Altar of Immortality (E): Santiago makes his way to the vaults below the theatre.

A Steady Hand (M): Daniel heard the door open and close.

Lazy Sunday Afternoon (M): When Armand had first taken Daniel to this bathroom, Daniel had called the bathtub a 'monstrosity'.

Glasses (G): "Babe, have you seen my – ?” Daniel doesn’t finish his question, because it’s already been answered.

Not Going Anywhere (E): Daniel doesn’t even remember why they’re fighting.

Breakfast in Bed (E): Daniel wakes up to Armand nibbling on his shoulder.

Boy Meets Toy (E): "No. No fucking way." Daniel can't help but take a step back.

A Moment on the Lips (M): The blindfold still feels cool against Daniel’s eyes even though he's been wearing it for what must be at least thirty minutes.

Patterns: Wow, I love to open on a short sentence! I swear I also use longer sentences. 😅 Not sure if this properly showcases what I can do as an author, lol. I am also very much an Armandaniel girly, but that's no surprise. Almost all of these fics start with the POV's character's name or with the POV character talking. Five Rounds is an exception because it starts with Armand’s name but it's actually written from Daniel's POV.

Bonus: What, Like it's Hard? (M) which I co-author with my friend chxmpxgneproblems and which is very different from my other work. 🤭

First sentence: Lestat danced from the bathroom into the living room, already feeling capital C Cute.

If you feel like doing this, consider yourself tagged! I'd love to see yours, regardless of fandom.

[bubbleteasing]

In response to your last answered ask (not the same anon), I just want to let you know that your english is really really great, better than most native speakers that I know. The only mistakes I can think of are all spelling rather than comprehension or grammar issues. Even then, your spelling mistakes are so minor that I overlook them unless I'm reading a fic a second time... or a third time... or a fifth time... basically, any mistakes you have in your fics don't interrupt the flow of reading and your english skills are superb. Your fics' grammar and reading comprehension are all great and the quality of your stories/plot/characters are just so good overall that I don't think many readers would miss out on reading them just because of a few minor convention errors.

I do have a tip for new writers, though, and it's also something that you do really well in all your fics: one thing you must always remember is that whenever a new person is speaking, start a new paragraph.

Tea, you do such a great job at this... the chapter of acaat where reader and red go to couple's therapy comes to mind. I remember at the end notes of that chapter you said something about the dialogue (maybe that you thought there was too much of it? I don't remember exactly). The dialogue was not troublesome at all because it was natural and flowed well, but also because you started a new paragraph for each speaker, making it easy for readers to track who's saying what.

Basically, new writers, if you have multiple characters speaking and you put all their dialogue in one paragraph, it will be very confusing for readers to discern who is saying what, which can cause readers to have to reread and try to guess what's going on, and you don't want that. There are fics i've tried that are awesome in all other ways, but because they did not separate dialogue into different paragraphs, I just could not figure out who was saying what and could not understand the story. You could have all the english mistakes in the world, but it will still be readable if you lay your dialogue out correctly.

Anyway sorry for the long ask... I really appreciate all the work you've put into your fics, Tea! I hope anyone who reads this finds it helpful...

Oh wow, way to stroke my ego… thank you very much anon 😳 I know I still have a long way to go, but fuck it, I’ll take the compliment. Thank you ❤️

You’re so damn right!! I (personally) hate long paragraphs with different character’s dialogues. It’s hard to tell who’s saying what and honestly, I usually find myself dropping the entire fic because of that.

I actually went to check acaat and you’re right; it was on chapter 30 and I did say that I hoped it wasn’t too tedious to read since most of the chapter was just a very long dialogue (I personally love reading dialogues but I know I can’t speak for most people).

Even if you’re writing for the undertale fandom (yes, we know Papyrus’s the one speaking if you’re using capital letters, yada yada), you should separate the dialogue into different paragraphs to make it more fluid. It kind of makes me think everyone has the same voice if that makes any sense? Just let the characters take turns on each sentence 🤷‍♀️

I do have to say I just hate reading long paragraphs (not related to dialogues, just in general) so I end up avoiding writing them myself… which isn’t necessarily a good thing. I know I should describe surroundings to make people’s reading experience more immersive but here’s where my nonnative writer skills don’t come to light: using pretty words to describe common things are not my strength. I wish it was, but it isn’t.

Don’t be like me. Use paragraphs to describe things but separate dialogues when different characters are speaking.

Thank you very much for leaving this in my inbox! I hope the previous anon sees it.

[greenerteacups]

Following up on the side characters ask -- hi same person -- thank you for the thorough answer and honestly I admire the background stories (and research!) You've done for them!

Idk if this would matter, but really I was curious to get a little peek at your brain when writing these characters as I really thought you're doing a consistent job on their voices because really it is hard! I'm actually working as a show runner/writer for - uh - a published tv show and even when doing a second season right now me and my coworker in my writers room would get confused once in a while when writing in different voices and we have 11 people on our team!! That being said I really really think aside from talent, you're just a really hard and consistent worker in your writing. Please know you're doing an amazing job.

Wow! First of all, congratulations on being a showrunner/writer and on landing a second season — you're doing an amazing job, man. Game recognize game. And thank you for the kind words! It's a special treat to get a compliment from a fellow artist.

For me, side characters got a lot easier to do when I started thinking of voice in kind of clinical terms. I get stressed out when I think about big concepts like Voice and Plot and Atmosphere, and my brain works better when I think hyper-technically: it's not Voice capital-V, it's just — what type of contractions do they like? Do they stutter? Are they wordy? It's not Plot capital-P, it's: set up Element A, hit Reinforcement B, hit Payoff C. Cool. You've got a subplot. It's not Atmosphere capital-A, it's: how much attention are you gonna pay to the weather in this scene? How much time have you spent talking about light, temperature, noise? Literally, CTRL+Shift+W, what are your word counts? Is the pacing of a conversation wrong? Cool, CTRL+Shift+W again, check the ratio of gesture/narration to spoken dialogue, that's probably it. If your normal writerly gutfeels aren't helping you out, fuck em, we can brute force this shit with Rules.

Specifically, and I don't know if this works for everyone, but I picture voice as essentially a set of parameters: Ron uses slang a lot, Draco will generally say "that isn't" instead of "that's not" (sounds older/more formal), Hermione speaks in full sentences unless interrupted and likes her run-ons, Daphne's overfamiliar and loves an endearment. I just give them these things I can lean on. And then, when I want to have a Character Moment, I can have one of them break those parameters, and the audience goes !!! because it's surprising but the trend is so consistent that it feels real and earned — for instance, Draco doesn't swear a lot, at least out loud (in the early books anyway), so when he says "fuck" for the first time in Book 4, it underscores the moment. Anyway: best of luck from one writer to another, I can't wait for your project to come out, it's gonna rule.

[therummonster]

single quotes from the creation trio

Champagne: Did you just call me a shrimp, you asshole?! I'm still growing, dammit!

--

Benny: You can de-escalate literally any situation by asking ‘are we about to kiss?’ Benny: Doesn't work with getting out of speeding tickets, though.

--

Champagne: Caw caw, motherfuckers.

--

Benny: If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "thank you" is all I need. Benny: Not all this "how did you get into my house" business.

--

Champagne: Well you see, the explanation is perfectly simple and scientific. It was because shut up. Shut up is why.

--

Champagne: When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Champagne lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the person who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

--

Champagne: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, its “intelligent” and “really cool”. Champagne: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.

--

Benny: I just found out that humans are capable of fitting a light bulb into their mouth with ease but can’t take it out without shattering it, and now I have to physically restrain myself from putting a light bulb in my mouth

--

Vasilia: I’ve made a spread sheet of all the crime in Brooklyn. Vasilia: There’s so much crime in New York, no one should live here.

--

Vasilia: I'd make fun of your height but there isn't enough to make fun of.

--

Vasilia: New year, same me. Because I'm perfect.

--

Champagne: Pros and cons of dating me. Champagne: Pros. You'll be the cute one. Champagne: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

--

Benny: Is this a good idea? Benny: Probably not. Benny: Do I care? Benny: No.

--

Vasilia: cocks gun Go to Bed. This is no longer a request, This is now a Threat.

--

Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and- Champagne: No returns. Demon: sobbing But it's making me sad…

--

Benny: Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities. Benny, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.

--

Benny: Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.

--

Champagne: Tired of just deserving better. Gonna start taking it by force.

--

Benny: If I stay in bed I'll be warm. If I get in the shower, I'll also be warm. But the distance between the bed and shower? No. That is not warm.

--

Champagne: I keep a picture of all of us in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties, I take it out and stare at the picture. The Squad: Awwww- Champagne: And I tell myself "If I can deal with these idiots, then I can deal with anything." The Squad: Oh.

--

Champagne: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.

--

Champagne: I like wearing oversized sweaters. Not just because they're extremely comfy and cuddly, but because whenever the sleeves are really big, I get to flop them around and smack people.

--

Champagne: BEHOLD, the field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren!

--

Benny: The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some bitches whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens.

[satanslion]

Y E S

My dyke ass fell in love with all my gal friends growing up, whether it was romantic love or platonic, especially growing up non binary, cause I grew up with masculine type of friends (even though most of them discovered as well that they are trans kkkkk) but that meant I barely hugged or let alone show any type of affection without telling them to fuck off in the same sentence kkkkk

So I remember perfectly when I tried having female friends and most of the time they were mostly messing with me (cuz I didn’t know i had the tism at the time) but when one of them like hugged me or grabbed my hand or say that they love me my autistic queer ass was deeply affected and felt loved and “wow she’s so cool and she thinks im cool too?!?”

I’m also such a fucking romantic ngl, but getting love platonically really helped me accept not only my identity as a woman but also non binary, seeing me as one of them and especially like the deep platonic intimacy is incredible because that means they feel safe around me, and i feel safe around them.

And also having the platonic intimacy shows us the difference but how they can overlap or change or mean different things in different context, because sleeping together on a bed is so intimate but it can both be platonic and romantic, and the feeling you get shows that especially if you compare how you feel around boys or any other gender or even how you maybe feel in both or neither or depending.

Ugh anyway @boowoomuu i love you to death you’re my Platonic with a capital P soulmate <3 thank you for making me feel comfortable in being my weird ass self and being weird with me and showing me that weird is subjective and that love is so deep and different around each and everyone and all the ways it can exist and how loving someone can make you love yourself too. Te amo muito anjo <3

Maya Hawke for Radio Andy (June, 2024)

[deviantartdramahub]

https://web.archive.org/web/20240522184812/https://www.deviantart.com/liesoft/status-update/Nonsensical-nonse-spewing-more-vomit-1054806814 Wow, calling an autistic person the r-slur? Thanks for further validating my point, sweetheart!! <3

Also maybe if what I say about your little friend isn't true (despite the fact your dumbass hypocritical self proved me correct right there in the very sentence, even a capital R for some reason lolll) she should've actually explained herself, instead of throwing 5 y/o like insults, giving a big wad of nothing completely lacking in proof, then cowardly deleting all her comments and dipping. Even Evie herself knows there's no defending herself, and just tried to troll desperately hoping it'd be enough to fend us off somehow. Just give up dear, you're REALLY embarrassing yourself. LIKEE even Evie eventually knew to just fuck off. :/

It's telling that they threw civility out the window.

[louiegitsham10]

The Stuff I'll Steal -- Blog 1 for Engaged Citizenship

I’m not one hundred percent sure what this is meant to be, but that has never stopped me before. I aim for this to be a blog to log progress and ideas throughout my Engaged Citizenship Through Interdisciplinary Practice module (mouthful!) and maybe also serve as a slight creative outlet.

We will see.

So, where are we at as a group? We’re a fragmented bunch, from all different corners of the university, and some of us are yet to be found. Architect, Media, Fashion, unknown, and me, the Creative Writer. After some brainstorming – or more accurately, me and Aaliyah convincing the other members of the group – we’ve homed in on creating a model, and a companion book. Both of which explore deforestation, or exploitation of habitats (the latter has a better ring, I think). This way, each one of us can steal our little bit of the show, I get to write, and contribute what I can there, Aaliyah gets to practice modelling, Charmaine her textiles (as we are going to have the model overflowing with fabric wildlife; a little textile rebellion).

If I may, I’m going to talk a little bit about what I specifically am bringing to the table of room W1.09. The bones of the book will be a short story I completed last year. It’s set in the Amazon, from the perspective of a manager of a lumber company, and it chronicles him as he works hard, and indulges in his evil obsession – his exploitation made a little more literal – of having sex with Amazonian animals. Sloths, monkeys, anything he can get his hands on, really. His mortal enemies are the Treespikers, a group of climate activists (he prefers the term “ecoterrorist”). The story climaxes with his and his twelve-gauge’s clash with them and their knives (and hammers and nails and bolt cutters). This is the foundation. From here, I’ll rewrite it to set it in the UK, as close to Portsmouth as possible. I’ll also expand on the backstory of the Treespikers, and perhaps even tell the story from a dual perspective. We’ll see, but I’m glad I now have something to aim for and I can soon start burning some keys and pen-tips.

Well, soon.

The first step is prep and research. There are a couple of need-to-knows. Where is deforestation at its worst in the UK? Who runs it? Can I use a real company, or at least hint at one? What animals live in these habitats? What tools are used to destroy them? Can I remember the details of the Treespiking life? What tools, what are their methods, why, who? What is the backstory of the Treespiker we follow? Where do they come from? Why do they do this? Maybe “soon” was an understatement…

I do have some little details that have emerged recently as additions to my story; little details that get me all giddy and remind me why I like to write. The first is from a book. I was reading Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy the other day and the absolutely terrifying Judge Holden has an engraving on the side of his gun: Et in Arcadia ego. Or, even in Arcadia (utopia/paradise), there I am. Basically saying you can’t escape death, but it also felt like this was the Judge saying He is Death, with a capital D. And I want to steal that. Engrave it on the side of the Overseer’s shotgun. I feel like his ego would be that big, however unearned. Don’t call it stealing; call it homage, call it pastiche. And anyway: good artists borrow, and great artists steal. Isn’t that what Picasso or Dostoyevsky or Rembrandt or Einstein or someone clever and important said? Anyways, I’m doing it.

The second little detail is something that Matt mentioned in the lecture yesterday and I scribbled it down because I thought it was a sentence that was so stark, so simple, but something quite soul-crushing. He said that during an exercise where he asked people to talk about how biodiversity affected that a poor student had said, “My mother is dying, and she is not sick. She is dying because where she is living is too hot.”  Wow, that is horrible, and I’m thinking – to be a selfish, gluttonous artist – that that would be an incredible opening line for our Treespiker character.

Maybe.

During the same lecture, I also rambled out a line that I think I want to use for the final fight sequence of the story. I scrawled it out in a rush, I’m not sure if there are any spelling errors, or if it actually makes sense; I promise I’ll leave it in if there is: “I palm his face and grip it tight. Chubby red cheeks and an eyeball and a blackheaded nose bulge out through the gaps in my fingers, blobby- and liquid-looking.”  I don’t know, it’s a maybe.

Another tidbit of humanity I’ve decided I want to appropriate is the phrase that I’ve seen online recently to mark the decline of the climate. Again, it’s simple, and it takes something traditionally beautiful, and destroys it. Flowers are blooming in Antarctica. Again. Flowers are blooming in Antarctica. Flowers are blooming in Antarctica.

Maybe they’re blooming through the cracks in the concrete as well?

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

Well, This Sums It All Up

Upon the runaway success of BARBIE and OPPENHEIMER, two critically-acclaimed auteur-driven big studio pictures that are a rarity in this day and age, here's how capitalism responded...

Mattel is pumped to make a Barbie cinematic universe and adapt multiple other properties that are theirs or that they acquired. Polly Pocket! Barney! Wishbone??? What the heck??? Because apparently that's what the success of Greta Gerwig's BARBIE means: More IP movies!

Then, you had these lovely nuggets from Paramount's CEO Brian Robbins...

"We're not going to release an expensive original animated movie and just pray people will come." Paramount Animation will focus almost entirely on IPs, Nick shows and the like. Robbins added, "It's not about Disney and Pixar anymore. People are looking for animated movies that are irreverent and have a comedic point of view."

Wow, these statements have absolutely no nuance in them whatsoever. Especially considering that outside of a few productions, Paramount Animation never really overspent on movies. The statements also reveal a real problem with the way studios just kinda release movies... Like with trailers and various marketing materials, they're there. It's not a case of *no marketing* whatsoever, but the marketing generally has a real "please clap" energy to it. That's especially true of what were supposed to be Paramount's summer heavies that are coming up short at the box office: TRANSFORMERS 7 and MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 7...

Also... people are looking for animated movies that are "irreverent" and "have a comedic point of view"? This reminds me of the line of thinking when SHREK came out, and studios wanted to chase that movie's edgy humor and too-cool-for-school attitude without understanding what audiences stayed for - not came for. Then we got a handful of movies that tried very hard to replicate that, but few really remember. Like, HAPPILY N'EVER AFTER was clearly a box office juggernaut in 2007, right? It also ignores just how well ELEMENTAL is doing in terms of its legs and longevity, people also like animated movies that are like that: Personal, emotional, not being five steps ahead of everything, etc.

Paramount Animation also has a loooong history of false starts, all the way back to their founding in 2012, so I think this is a case where one should look inward rather than narrow the entire movie landscape down to simple sentences. It's hard right NOW to sell something, original or even IP-based (again, see how BEASTS and DEAD RECKONING have done), so this isn't a case of "This is out, this is in."

It's a ton of components, it is **never** as simple as "Well, just make good movies then."

I hear DEAD RECKONING PART ONE, much like its three predecessors, is a knockout MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE movie and one of the best heavies of the summer... Few are seeing it... It probably is a spectacular movie, I haven't had the time to see anything lately... But again, it proves my point: It's not just "quality". It's the stars aligning, audiences loving the movie (no matter what the critical reception or no matter what "experts" on twitter and letterboxd say), the marketing getting them interested to see it in the first place, the word of mouth, and its luckiness in a sea of movies vying for everyone's attention. That's something you just can't engineer prior to release.

So yeah, I think this dual-response to everything that's going on in the movies: A summer full of flops, the Barbenheimer combo being a sensation, the writer/actor's strike, CEOs continuing to be greedy dinguses prolonging a problem that could easily be solved by just doing the right goddamn thing... This response just sums it all up.

[tathrin]

#yeah kiss my entire ass cormac mccarthy What's up with Cormac Mccarthy? I've only seen some of the movies based on his books. Are his westerns hollow or something?

Ohhh ha ha ha so. This may not even be entirely his fault? I don't actually know enough about him and his writing to say for sure, because the one book of his that I did read filled me with so much rage that I would sooner set myself on fire than read another.

I was in college (art school, majoring in comic books) and I took all the writing classes that I could squeeze into my schedule because I love writing too (storytelling is where my heart lies, and I thought I would do that with pictures at first, but turns out I actually like writing prose more, oops). Well, my Creative Writing professor had clearly ended up at the wrong school somehow and was deeply frustrated about it — because let us just say that most of the kids at this school were not in my boat re: love of writing, and they only took classes like these because they needed a few non-art credits to graduate.

So the level of interest/talent he got out of his students was mediocre at best. (They weren't there to write, they were there to draw or sculpt or design. Of course 98% of them were half-assing or less their non-art classes.) So he was really excited to have someone who liked writing and was good at it and was excited to be there...!

But. he liked Literature. And only Literature. And I used the Capital L there on purpose, because he was one of those folks where you can just HEAR the sneer when he says "gen-re fic-tion," you know? Looked waaaaaay down his nose at all the stuff that I would consider actually good and interesting books in favor of Boring Person In Boring Life Does Boring Thing That Changes Nothing About Boring World, Wow What A Commentary On The Human Condition That Was! So Deep! Much Thought! etc type books.

(So you can see what I thought of the stuff he liked, too.)

So here I am, turning in all these stories with spaceships and witches and robots and shit and it's the best writing he's gotten from one of his students in years. He's thrilled! ...and so distressed because Why Won't I Write Real Stories? I could be Such A Great Writer if I would just get over my interest in this Genre Stuff! Woe! Alas! Weeping! etc. Someday I'll Grow Out Of It, Surely, Because I'm So Talented! All that jazz.

He wasn't a dick about it; he was actually a very nice fellow. We were COMPLETELY incompatible, but he was nice and so I tried to be nice in turn even as I gave my very honest opinions about all the boring-af shit he had us reading lmao.

So, I'm being A Good Sport about it every time he assigns his Boring-AF Projects where I'm not allowed to put in rayguns and magic swords and alien species and all the stuff that makes writing fun. But I still put in effort, and turn in good (if boring-af) pieces, and participate in class (and argue very politely for The Merits Of Genre Fiction), etc etc. He's delighted to have me, and I have no doubt that I was one of his favorite students ever, even though I had Shit Taste In Books. So he decides he's going to give me a treat! He's going to make our next assigned book a Genre Book! I'm going to be Delighted!

He assigns us Cormac McCarthy's The Road. I don't know if you've ever read it, but: don't. It was intolerable. Second-worst book I've ever read. It's a Post-Apocalypse story about some dude and his kid walking across the world to...idk. Walk? Be a Metaphor? I don't fucking know. Nobody has a name because That's Deep. And because we're being extra deep, we're going to Write Badly On Purpose because it symbolizes the Breakdown Of Society!

And by "written badly on purpose," I mean we're throwing out the entire concept of Writing So Your Shit Can Be Read By Human Eyes.

Apostrophes no longer exist! Commas hardly do either! Or sentences! Or quote marks! Or any form of useful punctuation whatsoever! Just a bunch of either fragments or endless run-ons trudging away into the abyss until you're ready to throw your soul down there with them just to fucking escape. Paragraph breaks only happen when a scene changes! Your eyes skitter-off the page as though it was coated with teflon, your energy sinking into a bleak grey misery that isn't even alert enough to qualify as despair. Every section leaves you a little less alive than before. This is drudgery, the very concept of dullness distilled into ink and printed out for all to read and suffer. I give you an except, but I don't suggest you actually read it because I'm not that cruel:

Oh my gods it was unreadable. I think my eyes actually bled. And to make it even more of a slog, it was clearly written by some dumb-fuck who'd never actually read any post-apocalyptic stories, and thought that he was Far Too Clever to need to do any actual research on the genre that he was "elevating" with his "literary style" or what-the-fuck-ever, because every character in it was so bum-fucking stupid that there was NO WAY any of them would have lived five minutes in an actual fucking wasteland. Also every single Wasteland Cliche that you can imagine, without a drop of originality or subversion or even lampshading or clever commentary or anything. It was all just...there. In the shallowest, blandest way possible.

(He also never actually defined or even hinted at What Happened, I presume because he was too dumb to figure out a backstory this was Literature and not Genre and thus Proper World Building Wasn't Necessary Because This Was A Metaphor Or Something idk fuck it. Like...sometimes there were gas-masks? but also people didn't need them? and there didn't seem to be radiation in a way that hurt anybody, but there also seemed to be Radiation Aesthetics going on...? It was just. so badly done.)

And our protagonists were SO stupidly incompetent. Just, complete idiocy, countered with Incredibly Convenient Random Happenstances (you would not believe how many Untouched But Easily Accessible Stashes Of Food these fuckers stumbled over oh my gods) to save their asses from their self-inflicted imminent death over and over and over again. An absolute travesty of a book, written in the worst fashion possible.

Needless to say, the essay I turned in on the book tore it about seven new ones. I SHREDDED it from first word to closing paragraph. Did not find one single redeeming or enjoyable thing about that clusterfuck of a "story" (and I use the term loosely) and I made sure everyone knew it. I wasn't shy about my opinion of the arrogant asshole who wrote it, either, and what I thought of the choices he'd made in writing that way, and the lack of talent and intelligence he'd demonstrated throughout.

My poor professor was devastated. He'd thought this would be my favorite book of the whole class! He picked it especially for me, as a treat! And I LOATHED it. (I hadn't realized it was supposed to be a gift to before I wrote the essay, or I probably would have been gentler in my disassembling of it. But I only discovered that when he handed the essay back. Poor man. I did feel a little bad about that. But oh my gods the book was horrible.)

So I have no idea what kind of author Cormac McCarthy is in general, or whether he's more tolerable (or even hypothetically enjoyable, I suppose) when he's writing whatever he does usually. This may be a complete outlier: an attempt to try something new (that failed abysmally) from a guy who normally writes Just Fine. I don't know! And I'm not interested in finding out, because to me he will always be the egotistical shithead who wrote the most spirit-draining, eye-torturing travesty of a book ever printed called The Road and he will not be forgiven for that crime.

[dekuskacchan]

i will follow you into the dark

Rating: T

Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a happy ending, Fluff

Summary: Izuku has finally returned to UA, and Katsuki will never let him go again.

Or: Izuku and Katsuki finally discuss their feelings.

A/N: Hi again, friends! Since chapter 322 is out now and dominating all of our lives, I felt inspired to write. This is intended to be a sequel to my fic "Tell Me I'm Dreaming," and takes place immediately after the events of chapter 322. So, spoilers are ahead for that chapter! I hope you like it <3

I'd also like to note: Izuku ate and took a bath when he got back, I just couldn't figure out how to work that in. Fear not, he is a clean and fed boy :')

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33153718

-

Katsuki watches the gentle rise and fall of Izuku’s chest as he sleeps, undoubtedly for the first time in days. He’d fallen asleep the second his head hit the pillow on the small bed in Recovery Girl’s office, and hasn’t budged since.

In the 12 hours Izuku has been back at UA, Katsuki has left his side once, only with substantial convincing from Glasses and Shitty Hair.

“Dude, he’ll probably be out cold for a few more hours. At least go scarf down some food and take a nap,” Shitty Hair said.

“Shut the fuck up,” Katsuki retorted, “I ate this morning. And I have slept.”

Kirishima let out an exasperated sigh that irritated Katsuki to no end.

“Did you come here just to piss me off?” he snapped.

“We are concerned for your well being, just as we are Midoriya’s,” Iida said, “you haven’t fully recovered from your own injuries yet. You need to rest.”

“I said I was fucking fine.”

Iida looked at him with knowing eyes and a gentle smile. It annoyed Katsuki even more.

“He won’t disappear if you stop watching him, Bakugou."

“Yeah. We’ll stay with him,” Kirishima added with a thumbs up.

Katsuki gritted his teeth. As much as he hated to admit it, they were right. His empty stomach only served to fuel his anger more.

“I hear they’re serving spicy curry for lunch in the cafeteria,” Iida coaxed.

Katsuki had relented at that point, not because it was his favorite, of course, the growling in his stomach was just giving him away.

Katsuki returned less than an hour later. Kirishima and Iida admittedly had reassured him, to some degree, but it wasn’t enough to quell his anxiety. Iida scolded him for refusing to rest, but did nothing to stop him, as if he knew his efforts were futile. The pair stayed with Katsuki at Izuku’s bedside a while longer, but left him to his devices nonetheless.

Half and Half stopped by some time later, tapping on Katsuki’s shoulder and waking him from a restless sleep in a shitty plastic chair at Izuku’s bedside.

“Wouldn’t it be more comfortable to sleep in your bed, Bakugou?” he asked, sitting in a chair adjacent to him.

“I was sleeping just fine before you fucking showed up, you Half and Half bastard,” Katsuki snarled.

“I’ve been here for an hour and a half, actually,” Todoroki stated. Always so fucking deadpan.

“Why the fuck did you wake me up now then?”

“You looked uncomfortable.”

“I’m fine, asshole,” Katsuki grumbled. Todoroki looked unconvinced.

“I figured you would say that. Here, I brought you this,” Todoroki produced a blanket from behind his chair and handed it to Katsuki.

“I don’t need your fucking charity," Katsuki grumbled, but accepted it anyway, silently grateful for refuge from the chill in the room.

“It’s no trouble,” Todoroki patted his shoulder.

“Tch.” Katsuki shrugged him off.

They sat in silence for a while. Izuku still hadn’t budged. Katsuki was worried, but some part of him was thankful that Izuku was finally fucking resting.

“Everyone is proud of you, you know,” Todoroki said quietly.

“Haah?!”

“It took courage, what you did. We know it’s not easy for you to express your emotions,” he paused, considering his next words, “it... doesn’t come naturally to me, either.”

“No shit!” Katsuki barked. Todoroki raised a finger to his lips to shush him and nodded at Izuku, who had grunted in his sleep.

“I’m just saying, your efforts aren’t unseen. We know you’ve been working hard, and that this has been weighing on you for a long time. If it weren’t for you, Midoriya might not have listened to us.”

“You don’t know shit,” Katsuki grumbled, averting his eyes. Katsuki was beginning to feel uncomfortable. He wasn’t good at this shit, and Todoroki knew it, so why wouldn’t he shut up?

“I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. We can change the topic,” Todoroki said, as if he could read Katsuki’s mind.

“Or we could stop fucking talking altogether,”

Todoroki smiled and nodded, returning his gaze to Izuku. Katsuki’s eyes followed and he frowned.

“He’s such a fucking idiot,” Katsuki muttered, leaning forward in his chair and resting his chin on his hand. Todoroki chuckled.

“He is certainly reckless,” Todoroki nodded, “I’m disappointed to learn he felt he had to keep such a big secret. But, he is my friend, and I will continue to be as supportive as I can. He would do the same for us.”

“No, he’d do more, and end up getting himself fucking killed."

“That’s…" Todoroki frowned, "probably true."

They were quiet for a few minutes, and then Todoroki fucking piped up again, much to Katsuki’s dismay.

“I know Midoriya appreciated what you said,” his voice was soft.

“Words don’t matter. Actions do,” Katsuki’s response was immediate.

“Well your actions have spoken clearly. “You're a better person than you think you are, Bakugou.”

Katsuki whipped his head to glare at Todoroki with an insult on his tongue, but he found himself speechless instead, staring with an incredulous look on his face. He mentally kicked himself for it.

“I just hope you know that, too,” Todoroki offered a half-smile.

Katsuki was frustratingly taken aback. He averted his eyes and looked at the ground with a scowl. That damn fucking Half and Half.

Todoroki thankfully shut his mouth after that. Katsuki wasn’t sure how long they sat together in silence. It wasn’t until the sun had set and the room began to fill with darkness that he heard Todoroki rise from his seat.

“I’m going to go lie down. You should, too,” Todoroki said plainly.

Katsuki sighed. He was right, but there was a sickeningly uneasy feeling in his gut whenever he thought about leaving that he just couldn’t shake.

“I…I can’t,” he whispered.

“Okay.”

Todoroki patted his shoulder again, and Katsuki didn’t push him away this time.

“Thanks,” Katsuki shrugged, “for the blanket or whatever.”

Todoroki nodded. He left the door cracked behind him on his way out.

Katsuki pulls the blanket around himself and reclines in his chair, putting his feet up on Todoroki’s abandoned one. It’s really fucking uncomfortable, but Katsuki knows it would be impossible to sleep if he were anywhere else.

After too many attempts to reposition himself comfortably, Katsuki groans and sits up straight, turning his head to watch Izuku again. He’s still sleeping soundly.

Katsuki leans forward and, without thinking, brushes his hand through Izuku’s hair, pushing back a few stray curls. The moonlight flickering through the blinds illuminates his face, and Katsuki thinks that, somehow, this is the most peaceful he’s seen Izuku in ages.

Katsuki can’t remember the last time Izuku wasn’t at least slightly on edge. He is always looking over his shoulder, as if he’s expecting the enemy to be watching. He spends every minute of his free time training or muttering to himself about battle strategies. The nerd doesn’t even know the meaning of the word “relax.”

Katsuki slides his hand down to cup Izuku’s cheek. His skin is soft and warm, just like last time, and he can’t help but feel an awful sense of dèjá vu. He stays that way for a few moments, just reveling in the fact that Izuku is really here. This isn't a dream, he’s finally here, and Katsuki will never fucking let him go again.

When Katsuki reluctantly moves to pull away, Izuku reaches up to grab his hand, nuzzling into it.

Katsuki is startled, as Izuku is seemingly still asleep. He brushes Izuku’s cheekbone with the backs of his fingers, and swears he sees the ghost of a smile on his lips.

“You’re a dumbass,” Katsuki mumbles, propping his elbow on the bed to rest his head in his free hand.

“I can hear you, Kacchan.”

Katsuki jolts up in surprise to see Izuku staring at him with one eye cracked open and a smirk on his lips.

“Shit, did I wake you?” Katsuki tries again to pull his arm away, but Izuku holds on tight, as if Katsuki is his lifeline and he’s barely hanging on.

“D-don’t go,” Izuku stutters, burying his face in Katsuki’s hand. Katsuki caresses his cheek again and frowns when he finds wetness there.

“Are you crying?” Katsuki asks, though he’s not sure why, because he already knows the answer.

“N-no,” Izuku sniffles. Katsuki rolls his eyes and sighs.

“Hey, look at me,” Katsuki whispers, lifting his free hand to Izuku’s other cheek and turning his head to face him.

Izuku whimpers, holding Katsuki’s arms in a vice grip as he looks up. His eyes are sunken and glassy, overflowing with tears that Katsuki wipes away with his thumbs.

Fuck, he looks like a fucking zombie. His face is paler than usual and littered with scratches, and heavy, dark circles line his eyes. Katsuki suppresses a sudden urge to wrap him in his arms and hold him tight.

“What’s wrong?” Katsuki murmurs, stroking his cheeks in what he hopes is a soothing manner.

Izuku’s face contorts and a new wave of tears begin to fall.

“I-I’m so s-sorry Kacchan,” he snivels.

Katsuki holds his face tighter.

“I told you, we get it. Don’t beat yourself up, you’ve already done plenty of that.”

Izuku chokes a laugh through a broken sob and Katsuki counts it as a small victory.

“I a-am pretty messed up, h-huh?” Izuku hiccups, “but so are you.”

“Tch. I’m fine,” Katsuki lies, feeling a familiar twinge of pain in his side.

“I kn-know you better than that, Kacchan,” Izuku meets Katsuki’s gaze, “d-don’t think I didn’t see you bleeding back there.”

“I was bleeding. I’m not anymore, see?” Katsuki points to his newly applied bandages, “The old lady patched me up.”

Recovery Girl had given Katsuki a thorough scolding for tearing his wounds. Something about being too reckless, to stop throwing himself in front of danger because isn't it hypocritical of you to tell Midoriya to look after himself, but you won't do the same? That had pissed Katsuki off to no end, but he’d accepted her help anyway.

“Y-you could’ve hurt yourself-”

“But I didn’t! Quit worrying about everyone else,” Katsuki looks Izuku dead in the eyes, “think about your goddamn self for once.”

Izuku shakes his head frantically.

“I can’t. I said so many terrible things I- I h-have to apologize-,” Izuku tries to get up, but Katsuki is lightning fast as he moves to sit on the bed in front of him, gripping his shoulders to hold him in place.

“You can do that later. You need to fucking relax. Did you forget you were beaten to a pulp?” Katsuki reminds him.

“Kacchan, I’m f-”

“Don’t fucking say you’re fine! You’re not, and you know it.”

“It doesn’t matter, Kacchan!” Izuku shouts,“I can’t- I can’t just sit here while everyone else is-”

“Everyone is safe,” Katsuki lightly shakes him, “and we’re safer if we're together.”

Izuku presses the heels of his hands to his eyes.

“It doesn’t matter,” Izuku repeats himself. His voice is shaking. “I ne-”

“Shut the fuck up. You matter,” Katsuki says firmly, pulling Izuku’s hands away and holding onto them.

Izuku weakly lifts his head to meet Katsuki’s eyes. He looks taken aback, and even more exhausted than before, but Izuku is just as stubborn as Katsuki is, and Katsuki can tell he still has an argument left in him.

“Izuku,” Katsuki watches Izuku's eyes widen as he utters his name for a second time. It feels foreign on his tongue, but he knows the weight it carries, and he'll say it over and over if it makes Izuku happy.

Katsuki pushes back the hair that’s fallen in front of Izuku's face and knocks their foreheads together.

“Izuku,” he repeats, “ You fucking matter,” there’s a sharpness to Katsuki’s tone he hadn’t intended, but he can tell Izuku gets the message. He swears he sees the color return to Izuku’s bloodshot eyes before they squeeze shut, overflowing with new tears.

Izuku buries his head in Katsuki’s chest and wails. Katsuki immediately wraps his arms around him and pulls him into a tight embrace, ignoring the aching pain in his injured shoulder and side.

“I-I’m s-so sorry,” Izuku’s entire body shakes as he clings to Katsuki. Katsuki holds him tighter, rubbing gentle circles on his back.

“Shh, it’s okay. Everything’s okay,” Katsuki murmurs, trying his best to soothe him, but Izuku only cries harder. Katsuki’s own eyes begin to burn.

“It’s s’not o-okay, Kac-chan,” Izuku stutters.

“Nobody is mad at you."

“Th-they should b-be,” Izuku insists miserably

“Well they’re not.”

“I think All M-might is.”

“Haah?! The fuck kind of reason does All Might have to be mad at you?” Katsuki is baffled. “I should fucking clock him in the face again.”

“Y-you punched All Might?!” Izuku lifts his chin to stare incredulously at Katsuki.

“Damn right I did. But that’s beside the point. Why the fuck’s he mad?”

Izuku hides his face again, his voice muffled by Katsuki’s now damp shirt and his own sobs, “I w-was so mean t-to him. I told him I d-didn’t need him anymore and r-ran away, I-”

“Breathe, Dek- Izuku,” Katsuki whispers, brushing Izuku’s cheek with his fingers as Izuku begins to hyperventilate. “Breathe. He’s not mad, he’s probably just worried.” He better not be fucking mad.

“I-I have to t-talk to him too,”

“It can wait. Right now you need to fucking rest.”

They stay that way for a while, wrapped in the safety of each other’s arms as Izuku’s cries slowly start to dissipate. At some point, Katsuki isn’t sure when, traitorous tears start to roll down his own face. Izuku notices before he does, feeling the sudden moisture on his shoulder, and he tells him so.

“I’m not fucking crying,” Katsuki grumbles, though his voice is hoarse.

“It’s o-okay Kacchan,”

“Shit,” Now they’re both blubbering idiots.

Izuku squeezes Katsuki tighter as they cry together. Katsuki tries not to wince as he returns the gesture, his shoulder screaming in protest, but Izuku notices. Of course he fucking notices.

“K-Kacchan-,” Izuku’s voice is laced with unnecessary concern as he immediately loosens his grip and starts to pull back.

“Don’t,” Katsuki growls, rubbing his eyes, “Don’t fucking worry about me.”

Izuku sniffles and shakes his head, “I c-can’t help it.”

Katsuki heaves a sigh. “I know.”

Izuku places his shaky, scarred hands on either side of Katsuki’s face in a gentle caress that makes Katsuki’s heart fucking squeeze. When he finally lifts his eyes, he finds Izuku looking at him with a wobbly smile. His cheeks are tear-stained and there's a trace of something haunted behind his eyes, but it's undeniable that a weight has lifted from his shoulders.

Katskui quirks his lips in a half smile. Fuck, he’d missed Izuku.

Izuku yawns and lies back in the bed. “I’m tired again.”

“Well, get some sleep then, nerd,” Katsuki moves to slide back in his chair, but Izuku stops him, grabbing his hand.

“Wait! I- could-” Izuku bites his lip, “could you...stay with me?”

Katsuki squeezes his hand. “I’m not going anywhere, nerd. Someone has to keep your ass in line," he smirks.

Izuku laughs, the first real laugh Katsuki has heard in ages, and Katsuki thinks it might be his favorite sound.

“No, I mean here, next to me,” Izuku scoots over in the bed and pats the space next to him.

“I don’t think-”

“Just until I fall asleep,” Izuku pleads, “...please?”

Katsuki finally relents and slides in next to him. Izuku looks relieved, draping the blanket around them both and curling up to Katsuki’s uninjured side. Katsuki wraps his arm around Izuku’s waist, careful not to dislodge the bandages there. He briefly wonders why this feels so natural.

Izuku’s voice is barely above a whisper when he speaks next. “I- I’m scared, Kacchan.”

“I know. But everything’s gonna be fine."

“I don’t want anyone else to get hurt because of me.”

“No one’s gonna get hurt. We’re gonna figure this out, and we’re gonna figure it out together.”

“I really shouldn’t be here,” Izuku sighs.

“Shut the fuck up. You really wanna be out there? Where people are lookin’ to wring your neck at every turn?”

“Of course not! But that’s exactly why I should be. No one here is safe while I’m around.”

Izuku startles when Katsuki suddenly grabs his chin and lifts it up with his free hand to make Izuku look him in the eyes “Bullshit. I already told you, you can’t win this alone. So stop trying."

Izuku swallows hard, on the verge of tears again. Katsuki tucks Izuku's head under his chin.

"Saving people is how we win, remember? That means you gotta let us save you sometimes, too." Katsuki holds Izuku tight as he cries, gently combing his fingers through thick green curls.

“You should be here," Katsuki continues, "you belong here, Izuku." With me, he adds, but only in his thoughts.

Izuku stills and lifts his head from Katsuki’s chest to stare at him with wide, curious eyes. He's no longer crying. “Kacchan?”

“What?” Katsuki is confused as he watches Izuku’s cheeks flush a deep red.

“I belong with...you?”

Fuck, did he say that out loud?

Katsuki suddenly becomes very aware of their proximity and feels his own face heat.

Their faces are already inches apart, and Izuku is coming closer, cupping Katsuki's cheeks with freezing cold hands. He's close enough that Katsuki can feel Izuku’s heartbeat, his breath on his nose, and fuck, when did their legs tangle together?

Izuku’s thumb lightly strokes his cheekbone and Katsuki finds himself inadvertently leaning into his touch. His breath catches in his throat when he finally meets his gaze. Izuku’s eyes are soft and warm and he’s smiling, a real smile that is secretly Katsuki’s favorite, one that he hasn't seen in far too long. He decides he would sooner die than see it extinguished ever again.

He's embarrassed by his accidental confession, but something about the way Izuku is looking at him, with that soft gaze full of light and wonderment Katsuki knows is reserved only for him, makes the anxiety melt away. The eyes that used to infuriate him now leave him feeling warm and safe, like he has a place in this world, and he realizes there's nowhere he'd rather fucking be than right by Izuku's side.

"Did you mean that?" Izuku whispers, breaking him from his reverie.

“Yeah. Stay with me,” Katsuki grazes his fingers across Izuku's cheek. "...please."

Izuku's smile is breathtaking. It lights a fire in Katsuki's chest.

"I will," Izuku breathes, leaning in to close the distance between them.

Their lips meet halfway in a desperate kiss and a jolt of electricity courses through Katsuki's body. Izuku's hands tangle into Katsuki's hair and Katsuki cradles his face as they explore each other for the first time. It's messy and uncoordinated, but Izuku's lips are soft and inviting and nothing has ever felt so fucking right.

Katsuki's hold on Izuku's waist tightens, pulling him closer, but it's still not close enough. They've been through a decade of miscommunication and separation, unchecked feelings, and the debilitating fear of losing each other. Now that Izuku is here, safe in his arms, Katsuki wants nothing more than to stay in the warmth of this moment forever, to melt into each other and never let go again.

"K-Kacchan," Izuku pants as he slowly pulls away. Oh, right, breathing.

He presses his forehead to Katsuki's as they gasp for air, and they cling to each other as if the other could disappear at any moment.

Katsuki's head is spinning as he looks at Izuku. His cheeks have flushed deeper, lips kissed red and swollen, eyes blown wide as he stares in amazement.

"I missed you," Izuku whispers between heavy breaths.

"Me too,"

Katsuki tucks Izuku's head into the crook of his neck and holds him tight.

“I am….glad to be back,” Izuku murmurs, “it was terrifying out there. I was so exhausted."

No shit, Katsuki thinks.

"Do you want to...talk about it?"

"I-" Izuku pauses, considering. His voice is small when he says, "Maybe later. I don't...I don't want to think about it right now."

Katsuki laces the fingers of one hand with Izuku's and squeezes.

"Okay. But, uh, I'm here if you do. Want to talk or whatever." Katsuki tries his best to sound encouraging. Izuku tilts his head up and nods with a smile.

“Okay.”

There's still so much Katsuki wants to say, but he can't put it into words. He's always been better with actions. He thinks back on all that he said before Izuku passed out in his arms, and wonders if it was enough.

Out of the corner of his eye, Katsuki notices Izuku peering up at him.

“What are you staring at, nerd?” Katsuki smirks as Izuku averts his eyes, color blooming on his face again.

“I- I’m not, I just- thank you, Kacchan.”

"For what?"

“For everything.”

Katsuki shrugs. “I didn’t do shit."

"Yes you did," Izuku brushes a lock of hair behind Katsuki's ear, "you're here right now. You listened, you encouraged me, you made me feel safe enough to come back here. I wouldn’t have had the strength without you.”

Katsuki is at a loss for words.

"Todoroki was right, you know," Izuku says softly, "you're better than you think you are."

Katsuki feels his face flush and looks away. But then it dawns on him.

"You were listening to us?"

"Uh- just a little...only bits and pieces."

"You were awake? Why the hell didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't want to interrupt you," Izuku shrugs. "You and Todoroki never talk, it seemed important. Plus, I was so out of it I thought I was dreaming at first."

"So you were just eavesdropping like a creep?" He teases, snickering when Izuku buries his face in embarrassment.

"I'd rather talk to you than that Half and Half bastard, dumbass," Katsuki ruffles Izuku's hair.

"Sorry, Kacchan."

"Quit apologizing."

Normally he probably would be pissed, but there isn’t even a trace of anger in him right now.

"I'm not the only one who's reckless, by the way," Izuku playfully nudges Katsuki.

"I'm not fucking reckless."

Izuku frowns. "Kacchan, you were stabbed. And you tore open your wounds trying to get to me when you should've been taking it easy. You took off into battle without a second thought."

"Sounds familiar," Katsuki glares at him.

"I know. I admit I don't always think things through….and sometimes I think too much. I never put myself first. You made me realize that. I'm...going to try to work on it. But you can't deny that you do it sometimes too."

Katsuki is silent again.

"And when was the last time you ate? Or slept somewhere other than a tiny chair? You tell me I need to take better care of myself, but you don't do the same."

"I'm fine." Katsuki insists, but Izuku knows him better than he knows himself and sees right through the lie.

Katsuki sighs. Deep down, he knows Izuku and the old lady are right. Sometimes... he can be a dumbass and a hypocrite.

"My body…I told you, it moved on it's own. I just saw you in the air and fucking panicked. You were about to die," Katsuki’s voice shakes, “You were about to die, and it was like… like my entire fucking life flashed before my eyes. There was so much I needed to say to you, I couldn't handle the thought of losing you, Izuku. Especially before- before I had the chance to-, " Katsuki squeezes his eyes shut and grunts in an effort to hold back tears that were threatening to fall.

Katsuki feels Izuku's gentle touch on his cheek again and meets his gaze.

"I know. It's okay. Let's just agree that we're both idiots and try to be better, together. If not for ourselves, then for each other. I can't stand the thought of losing you either, Kacchan," Izuku's eyes are impossibly soft

"I really do appreciate everything you said, Kacchan. It means so much to me. I know it's not easy for you to do that."

"I meant every fucking word," Katsuki says firmly.

"I know. And I forgave you a long time ago, Kacchan. Yeah, things were rocky for a while, but I see you. I see how you've changed, and how much effort you've been putting in. I feel safest and strongest when I'm with you. You're the most amazing person I've ever known, and you always will be."

Izuku's eyes well up with tears again as he smiles, and Katsuki feels like his heart could burst out of his chest. He presses a gentle kiss to Izuku's palm and cups his face, tracing his lips with his thumb.

"You make me stronger," Katsuki stares deep into his eyes.

Katsuki feels his brain short circuit as Izuku presses a gentle, sweet kiss to the corner of his mouth. Katsuki holds him there as he pulls away, chasing his lips with his own.

This kiss is softer and less hurried, but just as passionate. They're completely enveloped in each other as they revel in the fact that this is real. There’s nowhere in the world either of them would rather be. Katsuki didn’t realize just how badly he needs Izuku until he was gone, and thinks that, maybe, Izuku feels the same way.

It feels like it’s been an eternity when they slowly break apart, and Katsuki can’t help the smile that spreads across his face.

Izuku lays his head on Katsuki's chest and cuddles up to his side. Katsuki idly strokes his back, just relishing the moment.

Fuck, he’d missed Izuku.

"I don't mind if- uh, if you keep calling me Deku, by the way," Izuku mutters..

"You don't like it when I say your name?"

"No! No, that's not it- I mean it is a little weird, but uh- I like it? Hearing it in your voice, I mean," Izuku rambles on, and Katsuki finds that he's even missed that too.

"I just, um, I mean- Deku is fine too. It has a different meaning for us both now, you know? It stopped being an insult a long time ago. And, uh, it feels, um...special, I guess? I don't know. My point is, either is fine. I don't want you to feel like...like you're disrespecting me, or something," Izuku's face is bright red as he notices Katsuki smirking at him.

"You're such a nerd," Katsuki laughs when Izuku scowls, and presses a kiss to his forehead, “I’ll call you whatever the fuck you want me to call you.”

“Either is good. I promise.”

“I guess we’ll have to wait and see then, huh?”

"Yeah," Izuku smiles, then his brows furrow and he pauses. "Katsuki."

They both frown and Katsuki shakes his head.

"Nope. Too weird. I'd rather be Kacchan forever,” Katsuki grimaces.

“I think so too,” Izuku laughs.

"You should sleep, nerd." Katsuki murmurs.

"Mm, yeah,” Izuku yawns, “You should too, Kacchan."

"Yeah, yeah."

"But you'll still be here when I wake up, right?" Izuku looks up at him with pleading eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere."

Izuku breathes a sigh of relief and snuggles closer.

"Tomorrow...tomorrow is gonna be hard."

"Nah. I'll beat the shit out of anyone who tries anything funny. Like I said, we'll get through this.”

"Together?"

"Together."

-------

bonus:

Sunlight is filtering through the blinds of the room's tiny window when Katsuki awakens. He feels more rested than he has in ages. Izuku is still curled up at his side with his head on his chest, snoring softly, and Katsuki can’t help but smile.

“Nice, bro!” someone whispers from the doorway. Katsuki’s head whips up to see Shitty Hair and Sparky, grinning at him with their thumbs up.

Katsuki is filled with white hot rage as his face flushes. If it wasn't for the fact that Izuku has him pinned, he would beat the shit out of those assholes.

“See ya, loverboy!” Kaminari whistles as they bolt out of the room.

Oh, they are dead meat when Katsuki’s hands are free.

--

A/N: I wrote this while listening to "I Will Follow You into the Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie and "Make You Mine (acoustic)" by PUBLIC-highly recommend them if you're looking to yearn lmao

The large block of italicized text is meant to be a flashback- I hope that was clear :')

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!! Feedback/reblogs are appreciated as always <3

Also- shout out to @sheiireen for her very helpful advice on this. She's amazingly talented, you should check her out!!