#i dunno what im doing anymore!!!
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Do you think that Snape, after being yelled at by McGonagall for showing her attitude and somehow the fight escalating to their past when Snape was a child, and told that if he was actually traumatised by her actions, he'd be afraid of her, not rude to her, would lock himself in his room and cry, cry, cry, because despite the fact that he fought back and screamed that he IS traumatised, that she DID hurt him by not being there, that she IS responsible for him being this way, he isn't sure? Because every single person around him tells him that he's the problem. That he's rude. That it's his fault the other party was offended. Even though he didn't mean to be rude, he was just being him, but surely he's the problem if everyone's saying it? Or maybe he's surrounded by the wrong people? Or maybe he is wrong, and he is a horrible person, he is a piece of trash, he's wrong and just stubborn?
Do you think that sometimes he doesn't even know if he's right or wrong? That he doesn't even care, all he knows is that he's so, so angry, he's in so, SO much pain, he wants to scream, he wants to cry, it all hurts and no one's coming to make it better and he can never get it out, he can never truly vocalise it because the words won't come, and he looks hysterical, insane, and selfish.
He's just tired.
#severus snape#pro snape#professor severus snape#minerva mcgonagall#why minerva and not the others? lets just say that my own mother's given me my fair share of issues and im done#i dont even care if im wrong anymore if im an awful person i do not care i actually don't#because nothing i do makes me look good everything about me is just wrong so why should i care anymore?#why bother trying? I'll always have “problems”#but noooo im not autistic i dont have adhd i couldn't possibly#like hello what do you think my “attitude” is mum? me choosing to be rude to people?#im not diagnosed yet this is all from my own research and im not even sure sometimes#and sometimes i geniunely worry that maybe i AM neurotypical and just a lazy self centred human#i dunno#well guess that explains why i like snape so much and why i defend him
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I frequent /i/ on 4chan tha most cus it’s so chill most of the time :3 I can just post my art in a random thread and somebody’ll just be like “cuteness overload!!!” lol I’m glad da silly ppl I’m my computer like my drawingsss 🍀🎀
#yayyyyy#yapping#lolz#kawaii#kawaiicore#weebshit#weeb girl#idk what im doing#sillyposting#jirai girl#i dunno#cute cute cute#cutecore#autism brain#brain go brrrr#happy happy happy#webcore#uwaaaaa#draw and let draw!#drawing#/i/#4channer#4chan#4channel#idk anymore#waow
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I drew this and I love it! I'm taking commissions for 2 bucks an art piece so DM me if you want an art piece!
#artwork#art#artists on tumblr#my art#illustration#drawing#idk how to tag this#idk man#idk#idk what else to tag#idk what im doing#i dunno#i dont know#idk what to tag this as#painting#colorful#acrylic#paper#idfk#idfk man#idfk what to tag this#idfk anymore#idfk how to tag this#whatever#im tired#reality
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I WANT WHATEVER MY BOY DAISUKE IZ HAVING 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
sobz uncontrollably
#oh daisuke ... you just wanted to help people and suffered for it ...#wish i could take an axe to the face also right meow#oh well#shrug#uhm. .yeah it iz kind of shit . especially compared to the much cooler mouthwashing art ive seen before#i mostly just made thiz because i am feeling worse and worse#it lookz abysmal . i meow#but itz whatever#i dont know what to do anymore#so just roll with it . okay ?#mouthwashing#mouthwashing art#mouthwashing spoilers#mouthwashing daisuke#daisuke mouthwashing#tw blood#cw blood#tw axe#tw wounds#cw wounds#uhh#i dunno what other tws i should tag ...#i hope i just kind of csptured how hopeless dai rlly iz ..#oh hez just like me .......#hez just like me for realz .........#im so tired
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hi fam !!
#weezer#rivers cuomo#brian bell#patrick wilson#mikey welsh#ahhh omg :( i just fumbled so bad socially#and i just need to like. never speak again i feel.#and i’m trying to comfort myself because like. my friend started talking badly about me#and said i only use her to vent which makes me sad because i didn’t think that was true and i try to do sm for her#i made physics study guides for her ; compliment her when she posts ; and post her on my story a lot and always wave to her and talk to her#and i dunno. it makes me sad to think that but i can’t help it; you know? i just need to be alone sometimes and not speak to anyone#and it isn’t like i don’t wanna be her friend ; of course i do but like. it just hurts my heart she doesn’t wanna be my friend anymore#and it hurts my heart so bad and i dunno what im meant to do. and yesterday i had a party#and i said a bad joke in front of the wrong people and i just. accidentally embarrassed one of my good friends and i feel so bad#and everyone js went quiet and it’s just. i feel awful and need to be like. beheaded.#and i try to comfort myself like oh it’s okay. today is a new day. but today i feel even worse about it and there’s nothing i can do#to fix this; like on one hand THERES NOTHING I CAN DO TO FIX MY BLUNDER!!! but on the other hand; there’s nothing i can do and i have left#my imprint in their minds and it’s so bad. i wish i was like. dead or something; yk? like not even weezer can make me feel better and it#sucks so badly . i wish i could just not think anymore and ignore everything in my life. i just hate myself so badly right now ; and i can’t#even be sure that i’m gonna be better cuz i just lack so much social awareness. i wish#i was more socially aware . i just hate when i get too comfortable. i wish i awkwardly sat in the corner and#didn’t speak to anybody the entire night to spare myself from any awkwardness. i hate parties!! i shouldn’t have gone :(#SORRY FOR THR BENT POST I JS NEEDED TO TELL SOMEONE AND LIKE. GET KT OHT YK?#it’s just so. ahhh i hate everything sm rn :( but liek me and the friend joke like that all the time and idk. im just. :( i feel terrible#and i’ve apologized and he said it was okay but embarrassing cuz some ppl looked at him for his reaction#and i dunno. i just feel awful and need to just. focus solely on academics until my brain is fried and i can’t function or something !
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I always enjoy it when people come up to me while im drawing as long as they're nice about it, and especially kids. And while the last two weeks only seemed to have obnoxious parents (at one point a kid was pointing like 'i want to be able to that!' and their parent replied 'you can't' and i was like ???? Wtf), this week there was a mom and two daughters who were really interested in art and were standing behind me while i sketched for a long while. Neither of the girls could have been much older than 10, and they were super shy, and were asking their mom questions, and i answered one of the questions. And the mom laughed and said 'see, she can hear you, don't be afraid to ask her questions!' and then i turned around and introduced myself a little and explained what i was drawing. And then they just stood and quietly watched me draw for like ten minutes, it was so sweet. 🥹
#Freebooter4ever#Also like....whenever im drawing im usually eavesdropping on various conversations around me#Adults are the funniest to listen to#Kids are mostly running around#And thinking about that lol...i realized what a weird child i was#When from the age of 6 i started going with my grandma to the kubota gardens in seattle#and we would sit and calmly draw or write for hours instead of me needing constant entertainment#I had a moment when i realized that if i had kids there would be no way to know if they would like drawing or if they would#Even be as quiet and calm as i was back then#Its not like i have not thought about having kids and how that would mean my time and choices would no longer be my own#But as i get more and more wistful over wanting kids#I catch myself thinking about stuff like this and realizing ok with a small child i probably wouldnt be able to do this anymore#And then i try to genuinely analyze whether or not i would be willing to give up whatever it is#And to my surprise the answer is usually yes#I find that im not thinking about it in terms of giving things up which is how society or advice books seem to paint it as#But rather adjusting to fit in a different kind of joy#I dunno ignore me im getting sappy over kids again
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i wanted to say since theyre putting slightly more focus on donkey kong i hope they port donkey kong jungle beat to the switch but i realized if they do, it will just be the wii remake and not the bongos
#what i want is the bongos. i need to slap the drums so hard i bburst a blood vessel in my hand. again#i dunno. i know a lot people dont like gimmicks and they dont really sell#but the sell point of the wii was the motion controls and for better or worse you couldnt do anything without wonky motion controls#then again the switch main sellpoint is the portability. but the joycons themselves have so many functions not used#that i see outside of 12 switch or nintendo labo found dead in miami#its the last three consoles wii wiiu and 3ds in one and half the time i forget there is a touch screen#i dunno what im trying to say#it was nice that for skyward sword hd they give you the option to use motion controls or button controls even though i didnt like the butto#s but now we don't get anything but buttons at all anymore i miss the weird untrusty variety#anyway i didnt know people didn't like playing with the bongos but if the speaker breaks or becomes too sensitive you are pretty much fucke#cause you cant clap anymore but it does take away the experience a bit without them. they were made with them in mind afterall#without them its just donkey kong country but not very good#its good as the game it is. its bad if it were donkey kong country#you know what it really is though? its mario galaxy 0
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I have never known this,, how are you meant to excuse yourself first before anyone else when your family is gathered and watching tv in the evening before bed.
#i dont really watch tv that much anymore bc me and my friend just have netflix and nothing else#so when i stay at my mums and they spend the whole evening from 6pm - 11pm watching tv. i dunno what to do with myself#it was nice watching strictly together as weve not been able to do that for ages. but then we watched a game show and now theyve started#another show and im just like. i cant do this. i need to go to bed and also maybe read or write something
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fuckitngnjrnr
#hang tight yall im gonna have to create another cod mlist N THEN d&w mlist hhshshehe#‘‘why do u have sm work’’ i write sm drabbles and i dunno anymore what is linked n whats not so i just follow my vibes now 🥹#sun rambles
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just saying for the sake of transparency that im at like. suicide risk level one billion due to the fact that my parents have made it so i cannot use their money to buy alcohol anymore and i am unemployed and have only 85 cents accessible to me so like. after the One Singular Bottle I Have Right Now runs out i dont have any way of getting more. i am not fucking ready to get sober and the thought of having to quit entirely is not something i can fathom being alive for, im serious.
i dunno. i want to have my voice drop. i want to read kowt. i want to bury my parents so i dont get deadnamed during my funeral. but the amount of days that is, days filled with so many unfathomable moments of agony, days where i will suffer and suffer and suffer and suffer, doesn't feel worth it to me.
#luke.txt#suicide mention#i dunno. im sorry. im so sorry.#this isnt a suicide note to be clear. just like. if i suddenly stop posting. yeah.#the worst part is i cant even drink about it because if i drink about it i wont have anymore and i need to save it i need to be able to kno#that its there if i need it#this isnt even cosmere im sorry im so sorry#this is going to sound like a shitpost im sorry i swear its not but please please please dont let sadeas/dalinar die with me#im half the fucking ao3 tag i dont want it to never update again if i kill myself#ive been gross ugly sobbing for the last 2 hours i dont know how i still have tears in me#i dont know what to do. im sorry. im so sorry
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#periodical life updates#eurgh. hiiii im so tired just got home from the family gathering thing im. exhausted hkjfh. and i still gotta draw the eca#still gonna be quiet for a while sorry gang <3 anyway lets not talk about any of that hdkjf ARTFIGHT THEME REVEAL!!#you'll never guess which team jace ''kellystar321'' starlight is choosing for seafoam vs stardust hfjkh#*gestures at my oc list* but also. what if i dont CARE anymore hfjkhf obviously i want to draw for people! its my favorite part! but like.#GODDD i dont care about my ocs anymore!! :') ive always been more of a fandom guy i dont... /want/ art of my ocs?#like yeah obviously agent my beloved! alexandria my beloved! eca has a whole daily blog! but my actual interest in them is sooo low.#there's so many people on artfight who LOVE their ocs like their children. their ocs are their blorbos!! but my ocs are like nothing to me?#i like fandom characters :'0 i would not be as excited to see art of my characters as someone else would be who actually likes their ocs!!#people should focus more on drawing art for people who CARE about their ocs. because if /I/ don't care about my oc and /YOU/ don't care#about my ocs then WHOS FLYING THE PLANE HJFSD no but theres ZERO ENJOYMENT coming out of it you get me? it doesnt make sense to draw for me#BUT ALSO. for silly ''i dont like seeing them all greyed out/hidden :('' reasons i dont want to archive them and hide them from everyone#/BUT ALSO./ i DON'T WANT ART OF THEM. ATTACK SOMEONE ELSE PLEASE. SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT THEIR CHARACTERS hfjkfh urgh.#like hey sorry i dont? care enough about the guys i made up? can you draw reader or kim k!tsuragi instead? thank you. hdjhfg;;;#also ive been. so tired :'> how much will i even be able to do this year? every year i gain more targets to attack because i keep meeting-#new friends all the time. i have some people from lgbt club im attacking this year! my stickmin friends. avm friends. my hell gang hkhg#my hlvrai friends and my longtime mutuals and MY BUREAU OF BALANCE GANG... not to mention revenges from last year :'>#its a lot. and im so tired;;; so. im not sure. i'd still like to join for my 8th year of artfight but damb. i dunno. :'> <3#okay thats all GOTTA DRAW AN ECA GOODBYE I LOVE YOU!!
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I DIDNT DO ONE OF THESE? this is outrageous i thought i got through all of them
#okay dan collins vs first#WOAH i like this music#it’s so? abrasive? (positive)#okay nodding nodding kinda what i expected#i just wanna stay far away from anyone….#i don’t wanna go anywhere with you i got so many better things i wanna do…..#i say this probably every time but i do really like how distance these ones feel#WOAH IT LIKE? CLEARED UP? AT THE END#oh that goes so hard godddd#it like absolutely Cleared Up that was like going through a layer of smog to the clear sky above it;;;#i say smog positively it worked for the song#GOD i forgot how short these are#serfs up!!!!#OOUH OKAY KINDA FAST i like this music#i wanna take you out on a date!!! buy you something to eat!!! i don’t ever wanna come down!!!!!#i like how fast this one is#cause i’m so high!!!!#this one feels like killer to me. oughg#i was gonna say i like this one the most so far but i like both of them for different reasons#don’t like me!!!#oouh okay kinda slower#OH PICKED UP#you said i wasted all your time;;;;;#god you can like barely hear the vocals in this one i like that it has such a neat affect with how the music is. it’s like the music is wat#i thought you wasted all of mine…. you don’t like me anymore….. you don’t you don’t you don’t…....#yippee!!! i think im warming up to these kind songs cackles#they’re so interesting to me. still dunno if i’d listen to them Reguallry in my own time but i am glad i’ve heard them#answering asks#chair asks#chair!!
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#.....can't help but feel an intense profound wrongness still#.....i don't like it here anymore.....#.......it's lonely....it's so much it's.....#...........i feel so isolated#i feel like I'm doing everything wrong#maybe it's just me that's wrong#maybe im the problem#....i dunno what I'm saying#I just..... I...... I feel wrong#Everything feels wrong and bad and off and i don't know how to fix it and I'm just#..........I'm scared......#........I'm just gonna try and get some fuckin sleep#...y-yoi can safely ignore this post it's fine
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shoutout gothcleats shippers o7
#rambling#idk i feel like as a dndads blog im legally obligated to make A post abt it#but idk! it was fun#sad about normal but glad everyone else got a happy ending#(warning i get like. pointlessly negative/personal beyond this point)#but idk. ive been so checked out of s2 that i feel like. detached?#like makes me feel shitty to admit this but i just dont really care#idk if that has to do with my disinterest with the season. or just not being fixated anymore#or just my own mental state as of recent#it just makes me really sad that i feel this way about a series i adore#i dunno. i'd like to do a relisten of s2 so i can really pinpoint what about it frustrates/bores me#but rn i just cant be bothered#dont get me wrong i love this season!!! i feel the need to clarify any time i get negative about it#i love the characters and most of the plot and there were things i found really really compelling#and god its SOOO FUCKING FUNNY#my venting comes from a place of love yknow#but yeah tldr i have like literally no strong thoughts on the finale atm. it was fine#but im excited for the future#dndads s2 spoilers
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I feel like I'm v academically smart but oh my god I am fucking hopelesssss at anything people related
#i feel so stupiddddd#like theres this cloud around my brain i cant c past it#i dont kno if im js easily confused or if im so scared 2 ask 4 elaboration/clarification i feel i need 2 js brute force my way thru things#that i havent fully understood#coz if i ask2 many times it js pisses ppl off#an then i dont get help. an they get annoyed an think im stupid. so we get nowhere#ughhhh#im js so terrified of annoying ppl i js dont do anythin#like @ all!!!!#iv become so fucking boring u wouldvt believe#all my friends manage 2 talk 2 new ppl so easily and can actually carry a conversation#every joke i make falls soooo flat#an every hi gets ignored#i dont talk abt myself enuf or i do it 2 much#or i have no fucking opinion#an dunno how 2 add 2 thr other persons#girl im hopeless#where did my socail skillz go.....#ive always had the fear im annoying sum1 but l8ly its gotten so much worse#i think coz of. the altercation w that 1 irl#UGHHHH#im always operating under thr assumptions he doesnt like me whenever im w him#an idk what 2 say anymore#is there a way 2 get better a socialising w/o annoying ppl or embarrassing urself#idk i think mayb if im more confident itll help#but. how the hell am i doing that chat#mannnnn#i dunno#ive got more 2 say but im gonna reach tag limit😭😭😭😭 goodby#rivers rambles <3
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and this is old news now but my own perspective on the project sekai miku movie as a mobile game outsider who just likes some of the tunes - all i really hope for is that i'll be able to follow the plot somewhat with my very limited knowledge because it does look like it'll be a fun watch. i know there is like dimensions. the dimensions include: alt rock world. depression world. carnival world? etc. furirn and tomoriru voice characters. i like the trans one in depression world. and the little orange guy in EDM world.
#i also like the one voiced by akina. who i only know because of utaite reasons LOL i like her voice#i also like the voice of the loud blonde boy. i like that hes loud#and the girl with long dark hair from alt rock world has a nice voice too#sorry. this will be my knowledge. im cursed with mobage. i used to be able to handle it#but now even if this game ran on my phone i know i would skip the cutscenes 😔😔😔😔😔#NOT because theyre bad or anything im sure theyre good. but i dunno i straight up do Not have the patience for mobage progression anymore#and i also dont like watching videos of visual novels so watching the stories online is also out. i will only learn the plot if 1)#they release a commercial console port of the game with mobage progression tweaked out OR#2) much more likely it gets a full anime adaptation someday. which i'd be intrigued!#although then we will also reach my other issue. inability to watch a show no matter how much i want to#ITS NOT as dire as my mobage blockage tho like i can push myself. i will have fun. but i am le scared. what if a show kills me. ?#no one suffers more than i. the person who loves big glossy anime idol-y music franchises but cannot play mobage or watch anime.
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