#i dunno what else to tag this as lmfao

[zedif-y]

…Sometimes, Joel isn’t sure it’s worth it.

It being– well. Him. Which, bloody hell, that just sounds depressing, innit? He’s not– he’s fine, really, in all the ways that matter. Good looking, smart, humble. What’s not to love. He’s fine, great even, so there’s no need for any worrying. No need for that at all.

He just wonders, you know? Everyone does. (Probably.)

But also, he’s phrasing it weird. It’s not that he questions himself, it’s more like… Hm. 

Let’s use a metaphor, all smart-like. Joel thinks of himself as a lot of things: The howling, blood-hungry chase of wolves, the business end of a knife. That razor-sharp feeling of teeth sinking into flesh. A forest fire out of control.

(Yeah, yeah. He’s got issues, whatever.)

That’s not the point. The point is this:

Joel’s more of a hunter than the hunted. At least, that’s what he likes to think– don’t even argue. He knows he’s unhinged, revels in it, thrives in it. Hard to put out a fire without getting burned.

And that. That’s the thing.

Because Joel thinks that sometimes he burns too bright. Like a flame– no, like the sun. A point of pride on a good day, something to hide on the worse ones. Fire doesn’t get to keep things. It burns what it touches, spits out the remains. Charred and blackened and what-have-you.

The thing is he can’t make a home without smelling the faint scent of smoke, ash lingering in the air that makes him cough and wrinkle his nose. He builds a foundation, lays down the plans, thinking maybe, this time–

He’s always wrong. Stupid, stupid. He’s always blummin’ wrong.

The thing about Joel is he’s never held something that didn’t crumble into ash. The thing about Joel is that he doesn’t know when that’s gonna end.

So is it worth it, then? To be his? 

He knows the tight grip of loneliness, the heavy chains of solitude. He knows what it’s like to curl up on the floor with his dogs— don’t you dare laugh— his back screaming at him for the night spent on a cold floor. Loneliness is as familiar to him as bloodlust, but he’d rather rip out his teeth than admit it, swallow his own tongue.

(A thought comes, and it’s stupid– no, really. It’s stupid. Stop asking.)

(Why do people think the moon’s lonely? Joel wonders, a scowl on his lips. The moon’s got like, loads of friends. The stars are right there.)

(You get too close to the sun and your wings melt.)

(Joel tugs at a piece of loose string, and he thinks that maybe the sun just wants a friend.)

(…See, he told you it was stupid.)

Joel doesn’t want to be alone. Alone alone, not regular alone. Nobody does, okay? Sue him, it drove him mad.

Whatever. Whatever.

Joel doesn’t want to be alone, not again, not ever. But he gets close to people and it’s like he can just see them burn, wax pouring down their backs and plummeting to their deaths. He gets close, gets attached, and suddenly everything’s burning all over again, and all he can do is laugh and try to put it out as it sizzles at his fingertips.

Until everyone he loves is swallowed by the sea.

(Maybe a submarine, he thinks, eyes-wide and half-crazed. Maybe that’ll be safe, he should try that next game. He should.)

(Maybe’s better than nothing.)

So yeah, Joel wonders if it’s worth it, having anything at all. He wonders if it’s worth the effort, wonders if it’d hurt less to have nothing to lose– though he already knows the answer, and for goodness sake, he wishes it were different.

Joel sighs. This whole thinking thing is exhausting.

To be his is to burn. To reach out is to doom them. But Joel’s too selfish– too much, too bright, too hungry– not to do it anyway.

…Dammit, this got depressing anyway.

Joel swallows through the lump in his throat, and he reminds himself to breathe.

He’ll keep trying, is what he thinks in the end. He’ll keep trying. ‘Cuz what else can he do? Mope, cry about it? What other choice does he have?

Maybe one day he’ll make something, and he won’t have to see it be destroyed. Maybe one day he’ll go out peacefully.

Maybe one day people will stop making their wings out of stupid, meltable wax–

Yeah, okay. He’s getting sick of this metaphor too.

But like– he can’t help but think, you know, about that fall. About Icarus, and how he laughed as he fell into the sea. People say he was happy, even in the face of death, even as his wings burned and turned into soot.

A joy worth losing. A friend worth dying for. A home worth its destruction.

Tentatively, he lets himself think: That maybe, at the very least, that’s what it means to be his.

The thought makes him relax. (If only for now.)

…He hopes so. He really, really does.

[kaemiezil]

#pastelartchallenge on twitter from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nf2Nsbh12Mo&t=1s

Didn’t do the first one cuz I recognized who it was nearly right away and didn’t feel like doing a from memory challenge lolol

The second one was really fun to follow along with, I based her crop top off a vampire squid cuz I thought that’d be cute. Also I discovered octopus have a sideways eyes! So I put something like that on the bows and in her eyes. I made her hair two twintails cuz they mention the hair has a bow “kinda like Miku” and twintails is what I got from that lolol. I also made the top of the ponytail into that round up-do cuz it kinda looks like the bulbous part of an octopus head.

I think she turned out really really cute!! I hope you like it!!

[2knightt]

CANT HOLD IT IN ANY LONGER!!! i’m utterly obsessed with the curtis brothers.

idk if u do this, but if u can, the curtis brothers with a reader who’s super down bad for them? they make it so clear, too. constantly doing everything for them, making food, buying snacks, just utterly everything. compliments, holding their hand religiously … yk.

୧ ׅ𖥔 ۫ you know i’m a fool for you. ⋄ 𓍯

…IN WHICH! you think the curtis brothers are the only men on the planet.

tags/warnings: swearing(on my end/once during dialogue.) reader being slightly overprotective or insane, mentions of reader getting hit on, mentions of reader leaving lip stick stains, me not knowing what to write for darry.

ೃauthor notes⁀➷ i’m using ny other accounts layout bc i can’t be bothered rn. also i’m here to feed y’all i’ve noticed the outsiders x reader tag is lowkey dry asl.

Ponyboy Curtis:

WOAH HE CAN’T HANDLE ALLAT😭

like actually. he is TWEAKING AT ALL TIMES! when you first like started complimenting him, showering him in kisses, giggling n’ shit—he thought it was a one time thing.

ponyboy just thought he’d have to thug that shit out once a week or something. he was, in-fact, pleasantly surprised when you continued to do it.

“you’re so-mwah-cute! i wish-mwah-i could-mwah-hold you forever!”

“y/n…😣”

he’s so flustered omfg like actually he’s beet red LMFAOOO. if you were to put your fingers to his forehead it’d be so hot. like ponyboy’s avoiding eye contact, his lips are tightened, etc.

if he were to stay the night at your place—you make him all types of food. like, food he’d never heard of. or food he’d dream about after eating bologna for a week,

“for me? …really?”

“mhm! c’mon, don’t let it get cold now.”

ponyboy is DIGGING RIGHT THE FUCK IN. okay he is SCARFING THAT DOWN. after he’d be a little embarrassed of how quickly he ate but like you just took it as a good thing.

thinks you’re the best cook ever tbh. gordan ramsey has nothing on you type levels.

going on a walk with him to go grocery shopping for the curtis house with your hands intertwined and letting ponyboy ramble about this annoying substitute he had!!! IT’S REAL!!! ALL OF IT!!!

“n’ then he tried to tell me my answer was wrong when i studied last night—I EVEN ASKED MY FRIENDS. so, i know it was right. i just think mr. johnson had a personal vendetta against me.”

“smh…i could do slash his tires if you’d like♡!”

“what”

“nothing.”

AWHHH PONYBOY FOLLOWING YOU AROUND THE STORE LIKE A LOST PUPPY BECAUSE HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO BUY LMFAO

he’d like holding your sleeve or the hem of your shirt as you walk around, looking more awkward above all else.

uwahh showering ponyboy in compliments late at night when it’s just the two of you, twirling his hair as you hold him closer!!!

“you’re hair is so pretty. it’s so soft…i dunno why you put grease in it. if i was you—i’d never let anyone touch it.”

“i don’t. i only let you.”

“…REALLY??🥰🥰😚😚”

ur friends are soooo sick of you talking about ponyboy LMFAOOOO like actually. every time you go, ‘omfg did i tell you guys, he-‘ they know to just let you mindlessly ramble.

“and then ponyboy read to me ‘til i fell asleep! he’s so sweet—i dunno how he’s real!”

“i dunno how you’re so whipped.”

“he must be the funniest motherfucker on the planet if y/n’s this obsessed.”

Sodapop Curtis

OHHH Y’ALL ARE AT A CONSTANT WAR TO SEE WHO’S GONNA BEAT THE OTHER AT BEING THE BETTER PARTNER LMFAOOO

HE’S usually the whipped one in the relationship…he felt both extremely lucky and threatened when you started attacking him with kisses…

“you’re so handsome. i’m just the luckiest person on earth—ain’t i?”

“…yeah…🤨”

“why’d you say it like that?😞”

“cause I’M the luckiest person on the earth…I’M supposed to be tellin’ you this…”

but as time goes on—he does take the loss and accepts you’re better at him. for now. it’s only a matter of seconds until sodapop thinks of something insane to show his love for you.

anyways! IMAGINE COOKING WITH HIM OHHHH NY GODDDDD /?:&$:&: he just mainly stands there and looks pretty as he asks what you’re doing but SHHH. HE’S MORAL SUPPORT.

“…what?”

“i’m chopping onions for the flavour, honey.”

“you don’t like onions, though?”

“i don’t like the crunch rather than the flavou—YOU REMEMBERED I DON’T LIKE ONIONS??☹️☹️”

“of course i would!”

gladly holds ur hand 24/7. i’m not kidding. you two are like super magnets. HEHEHE IMAGINE HIM DRIVING WITH ONE HAND ON THE WHEEL AND HIS OTHER HAND HOLDING YOURS!!/!2!

you do take him grocery shopping. only sometimes, though. he only buys junk food rather than actual food.

“can i get these? please?”

“you already have two bags of chips in the cart, soda.”

“okay..😣”

“SIGH…get them.”

“HURRAY!”

knows you can’t say no to him and that’s like the only time he uses it to his advantage.

soc’s do hit on you under the premise of ‘showing you how a real man is supposed to spoil a lady like you.’ HOWEVER, you look at them like they’re aliens.

“hey, baby. what’re you doin’ around here?”

“…EW.”

“???”

they’re shocked above all else as they see you turn away from them and quickly walk away without looking back. AND WOOO SODA IS SO PROUD.

Darry Curtis

the gang acts like you two are constantly fighting whenever you start to look at darry with that sparkle in your eyes.

“guys, PLEASE! YOU’RE BREAKING UP THE FAMILY! STOP ARGUING!”

“what the hell are you on about, soda?”

“you’re scaring pony!” “don’t bring me into this.”

“mind you’re own business, soda.”

AJDIEHJR DARRY HAVING A HAND AROUND YOUR WAIST AS YOU MUTTER SWEET NOTHINGS BETWEEN KISSINGS>>>

you two are a POWER COUPLE IN THE GROCERY STORE! EVEN IF YOU REFUSE TO LET HIM PAY AND HE GETS POUTTY! EVEN IF HE DOESN’T TAKE COMPLIMENTS WELL!

“y/n, please. these are for my house.”

“so?? my wallet was out first.”

“that doesn’t mean anything. baby, i’m telling you, i’m paying.”

“too late, i already handed the cashier the money.”

you cook and clean for the curtis’ to take something off of darry’s back out of the kindness in your heart and totally not because you want him to pay more attention to you!! NEVER!!

but you do enjoy the fact that darry has more time to sit down and pay attention to you! and darry really likes the extra time he has!!

“you didn’t have to.”

“yes i did! you’ve been so stressed out, it’s the least i could do for you.”

“you’re such a treat, y’know.”

“mh. only f’you.”

you FORCE him to hold your hand. sometimes he forgets that he’s supposed to hold your hand in public so do NOT BE AFRAID TO GRAB IT YOURSELF.

but once you do, darry is the last person to let go. maybe to wrap an arm around your hip—BUT THAT’S IT.

teehee leaving lipstick stains on his white t-shirt accidentally🫶🫶!! it’s all so real to me!! sure, darry’s a little annoyed but it’s okay! he can never be mad at you!

[httpsserene]

love your workkkkkkkk 🤍

can i request a smau with carlos or lance and a plus size reader?

𝐡𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 - 𝐜𝐬. 𝟓𝟓

summary: from photo shoots to spontaneous vacation changes; carlos loves you loudly. content warning: fluff. plussize!reader. reader is a model. light profanity. attempt at humor. body positive. one negative comment about reader’s body. couples vacation. loverboy carlos sainz jr. getting engaged.  pairing: carlos sainz jr x fem!black!reader (fc: precious lee) genre: smau.

from serene: in honor of carlos signing for...*checks notes* williams!!! currently sobbing about logan as i am a fellow florida born but, i will make sure to support him whether or not he's on the grid next year, or in indycar, or anywhere else < 3. it's a relatively short smau from me but, i hope you all enjoy it the same xxx

⌕ join taglist | requests & feedback | table of contents ↻

twitter • ynmodels

igstory • ynmodels uploaded!

[caption1; lighting check- felt cute might delete later][caption2; please stop threatening to get get me pregnant in my dms (i have a bf)]

carlossainz55: you could have been cute with me in melbourne ⤷ynmodels: i'll let you explain me ghosting my cover shoot to the magazine ⤷carlossainz55: is the love of your life missing you AND his appendix not a good excuse

user1: how many of my kids r u willing to have? ⤷user1: im serious btw haha

user2: bbg 🫦 lemme knock you up (i'm a girl)

user3: shhhhhh don't pretend like you don't want to have 8 kids with me 🤫 ⤷ynmodels: 8 KIDS??? you're blocked LMFAO

instagram • ynmodels • march 25th

liked by carlossainz55, harpersbazaarus, zendaya, and 93,562 others

ynmodels never thought i would be angry about having a cover shoot, but when it means i miss my boyfriend's third race win? i'm enraged‼️so, so, so proud of you, carlos! wish i was there to see you up on that top step! (thank you to harper's bazaar for putting me on the front page 💖)

tagged: harpersbazaarus, dolcegabbana, carlossainz55

view comments

carlossainz55: vamossssssssssssssss mami

➥ ynmodels: ¡VAMOS! 😍😍😍😍😍

carlossainz55: hermosa 🥰

liked by ynmodels

carlossainz55: i'm ordering multiples of this magazine

➥ user4: spectacular, give me 14 of them right now 🤲🏻

user5: i'm no better than a man 😮‍💨

➥ user6: good googly moogly 👀

➥ user7: i dunno if im jealous of her or carlos tbh 😵‍💫

user8: MOTHER 😩

➥ ynmodels: 💅🏾💅🏾💅🏾💅🏾

user9: carlos gets his appendix removed, wins the australian gp, and then gets to go home to a fine ass woman

➥ user10: god may never say that he has favorites but there are signs smh 🤦🏿‍♀️

➥ user11: omm i hope he treats her like the queen she is 🥴

alexandrasaintmleux: don't ask me the color of ANYTHING

➥ charlesleclerc: bebe what are u talking about??? pink is clearly her color 🙄

➥ carlossainz55: the dress is black 😐 @/ynmodels block them.

twitter • ynmodels

instagram • carlossainz55 • runway ⚑

liked by fashionweek, charlesleclerc, lewishamilton, and 2,313,475 others

carlossainz55 off week is fashion week 🚶🏻‍♂️

tagged: ynmodels

view comments

user12: just fell to my knees in the middle of my lecture hall 🧎🏼‍♀️

➥ user13: completely understandable

➥ user14: slammed my head on a table in the middle of the library and got kicked out IJBOLLLLL

user15: are y'all looking for a third ???!!!

➥ carlossainz55: absolutely not 😂

lewishamilton: nice to see you guys off the track ✌🏾

➥ ynmodels: it was! can't wait for nyfw with you 🤗🤗

➥ user16: i know carlos curled up into the fetal position absolutely tweaking rn 💀

➥ user17: if lewis hamilton took my girl i wouldn't even be mad about it 🤷🏾‍♂️

user18: thicker than a bowl of oatmeal 🤤

➥ user19: double cheeked up on a thursday afternoon 😣

➥ user20: she has no business walking around like that

➥ user18: like i'm not going to salivate like a dog 🦮

user21: she's what the greek godddesses wished they looked like

➥ ynmodels: this is the best compliment about my body i've ever received 🥹

user22: i know carlos CANNOT handle allat 😂

➥ carlossainz55: i have two hands for a reason.

➥ ynmodels: i'm a healthy handful what can i say 😚

imessage • carlos -> yn

instagram • ynmodels • en vogue ⚑

liked by voguemagazine, carlossainz55, jeanpaulgaultier, and 1,994,320 others

ynmodels manifested this very achievement! so honored to be on the cover of vogue AND to do it wearing louis vuitton and chanel; only up from here < 333

tagged: voguemagazine, chanelofficial, louisvuitton

view comments

landonorris: VOGUEEEEEEE ⁉️⁉️

➥ ynmodels: VOGUEEEEEEE LANDOOOO

➥ landonorris: nobody has done it better 😌

➥ ynmodels: ate them for breakfast 😋

➥ user23: literally.

➥ landonorris: don't do too much now @/user23

➥ ynmodels: no bc i'm wondering who TF asked u @/user23

carlossainz55: mi amor, i think i'm crying ☹️

➥ ynmodels: don't cry because i'll cry

➥ carlossainz55: i'm weak my eyes are watering 🥹

➥ ynmodels: you absolutely softy STOP!!!

➥ ynmodels: you're gonna make me ruin my makeup 😣😖

franciscacgomes: OMFGGGGGGG 🤩

➥ ynmodels: i knowwwwwwww

➥ alexandrasaintmleux: 💛💛💛💛

➥ lilymhe: i'm getting this edition framed 💯

voguemagazine: same time next year?

➥ carlossainz55: YES !!!

➥ ynmodels: i'd be honored 😲

➥ user24: where's her vogue video on youtube? I NEED IT

chanelofficial: kiss marks on the cover already 💋

➥ louisvuitton: with hearts drawn on it too 💓

➥ ynmodels: thank you both so much 🫂🫂🫂

lewishamilton: 🫡

zendaya: passed out when i saw this! about time girllll 🥵

➥ ynmodels: yes ma'ammmmmm 😤

igstory • ynmodels uploaded!

[caption1; sorry girls, not giving these away :) a few presents from carlos][caption2; might let him hit tonight ngl]

user25: if he wanted to he would energy>>>>>

user26: shit tell him to save some flowers for the rest of us 😧 user26: where are you even going to put all of those??? ⤷ynmodels: i keep them around the house, and dry all the flowers to keep them! ⤷ynmodels: nobody's ever gotten me flowers before him so i cherish each and every petal 🤭

pierregasly: take that first photo down before kika sees it pls 🙏🏻 ⤷ynmodels: oh did you say ft kika as i open every bag? and smell every rose? i'd be happy too pierre 🙃

carlossainz55: it's really not enough to show how much i'm proud of you 🙂‍↔️ ⤷ynmodels: carlos please ⤷ynmodels: i don't need anything besides you

instagram • carlossainz55 • somewhere in greece ⚑

liked by marcmarquez93, landonorris, carlossainzofficial, and 2,277,921 others

carlossainz55 escapada tranquila

tagged: ynmodels

view comments

user27: if you don't sit down in that damn car 🤬

➥ ynmodels: carlos told me to stand! yell at him not me ✋🏾

➥ user28: oh so if carlos jumps off a bridge you would too?

➥ ynmodels: expeditiously 😤 i'd backflip off it too 🤸🏾‍♀️

user29: why do we only speak about carlos' gf when this is his post 🤨

➥ user30: “carlos’ gf” don’t be disrespectful. she has a name ☺️

➥ user31: cause she's barbie! and he's just ken 😇 hope that helps 🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️

landonorris: having fun carlos 😃

➥ carlossainz55: cabron please shut up

➥ landonorris: damn a man can't ask if his friend is having a nice time on vacation 😞

charlesleclerc: everything going to plan?

➥ ynmodels: there's a plan?

➥ user32: what plan???

➥ carlossainz55: my plan to take you to see dolphins, is what he's talking about 😅

➥ ynmodels: ooooooh wait let me plug in my camera battery!

➥ user32: i wanna see dolphins :(

maxverstappen: don't chicken out mate 😿

➥ oscarpiastri: i will never let you live that down 😈

➥ ynmodels: why are we bullying my boyfriend?

➥ carlossainz55: i have no idea what they're talking about

user33: first photo could pass as professional ngl

➥ ynmodels: i said the same thing!

➥ user34: carlos takes the best photos of her hand down

➥ user35: best photos of the best model 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

twitter • ynmodels

instagram • ynmodels • WE'RE GETTING MARRIED ⚑

liked by lilymhe, scuderiaferrari, charlesleclerc, and 1,483,294 others

ynmodels im cryiubg omg we're emgagedddd i didn't get to the bottom of shit I LOVE LOVE LPVE LOVE LVE LOVE LOVE YOU CARLOS SAINZ JR 💍💍💍💍💍

tagged: carlossainz55

carlossainz55: te amo mas que nada en el mundo

➥ ynmodels: i can't believe this still

➥ carlossainz55: i'll remind you every day 🥰

landonorris: congratsss 🥹🥹🥹

louisvuitton: stunned! but not surprised 😌

fransicacgomes: oh my god! i knew something shifted!!!!

jeanpaulgaultier: please allow me to go wedding dress shopping with you 😅

➥ ynmodels: i was thinking abou asking you for a custom?

➥ jeanpaulgaultier: i really wanted to hear you ask first, we'll talk soon < 3

charlesleclerc: so happy for you both! almost strangled carlos when he told me that he lost the ring haha 😂

➥ ynmodels: he lost the ring????

➥ carlossainz55: i *misplaced* it for like three minutes and panicked ok

maxverstappen1: can't wait for the wedding 😻

alexandrasaintmleux: im screaminggggg 🤯🤯🤯

voguemagazine: 🥳🥳🥳

lewishamilton: about time carlos!!!

➥ carlossainz55: only took me three attempts 🥴

➥ ynmodels: three???

➥ carlossainz: you make me nervous 🫣

oscarpiastri: congrats!

zendaya: that ring looks HEAVYYYY 😮‍💨🥴

➥ ynmodels: oh you can't miss it baby 🥱👅

harpersbazaarus: oooooh happy for you babes💋💋💋

carlossainzofficial: welcome to the family, officially!

comments on this post have been limited.

© httpsserene 2024

[ma1dita]

do we have any sick!trouble and luke taking care of everything for her??(including her hehe🤭) if not then i’d like to think she would probably try to push herself through the day making sure camp doesn’t get set on fire bc older sister core! + dionysus probably dgaf 🤷🏻‍♀️ and maybe only luke noticing that she’s breaking out in a cold sweat and her movements a little more sluggish than usual but shes stubborn af so she refuses to rest

🐥

also ur works are crushing me jo they’re soo good😭💗

🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥

luke castellan x dionysus!reader

a/n: no trouble tags fuck it we ball! no edits either lmfao fluff :) can be a standalone just know reader is camp mom and Luke calls her trouble/slight cabin 12 mentions but not important (partners in crime series if you wanna check it out)

wc: 860

Luke doesn’t think he’s ever seen you be quiet.

Your voice is synonymous with the harmony of Camp Half-Blood in all of its forms: early morning announcements over the loudspeaker that serve as a wake-up call for campers to be ready for cabin inspections, hollow outcries to keep certain deviants in line (the Stolls and your brothers are a deadly force to be reckoned with), comforting words like kisses for scraped knees for the little ones, down to the gentle blanket of your singing at lights out. Luke also just knows by now that you love to have the last word—gods forbid someone else beat you at something you’re good at. Words always come easy when it comes to you (abilities of sons of Hermes aside) he finds out—but he can’t think of what can convince you to go back to bed today, especially with a temperature of 100.7 F.

He’s been circling you like a hawk this whole morning, not chastising (because clogged sinuses and all you’d probably fight him to your last breath), but rather helping out where he can. He swiftly double-checks counselor assignments once your puffy eyes leave the page, steers you away from walking straight into the fires of the forge instead of the exit at the armory, and waves off any bystanders who dare to get caught in the crosshairs of your bullheadedness.

In times like these, Luke’s almost grateful to be his father’s son (still a hard no, but you get the point). Doing these tasks undetected and mostly through a sleight of hand is better than worrying you even if he’s already at his wit's end; you’re quick in your own right too, body and brain separated today yet working on autopilot through a foggy sick-riddled mind. He hates leaving you like this even for a moment despite your protests of being able to handle yourself, but the two of you are spread thin today with all the work to do.

Luke finds you later after his workshop with your head against the cool stone of the climbing wall. You sniff into your sleeve, a wet sound stifled by the worn-down orange uniform you all wear, though yours looks as exhausted as you are, eyes closed and motionless even with lava slowly trickling from the top.

“Trouble? Are you okay babe? Grover fell off the wall already, you should… restart the mechanism,” he mutters, a big hand clasping at the nape of your neck like someone grabbing a kitten by its scruff.

“He’ll be fine, he’s a big boy,” you mumble with your face still attached to the rocks. “I’ve seen him climb over the Ares table for the last donut at lunchtime, molten lava and boulders should be a piece of cake.”

“At least cake is less painful and more delicious,” the satyr groans, hairs singed down to his hooves. Luke sighs, helping Grover back onto his feet for a well-deserved break.

“Babe…If you don’t move, sooner or later the lava’s gonna smother you.”

He shakes your arm since the controls are wedged between your body and the wall but it’s as if your body is bolted to the floor. A dissonant noise crawls out of your throat, “Dunno, kinda sounds nice. Maybe it’ll clear my sinuses.”

“Maybe it’s time to admit you’re sick.”

Even if he can’t see your face he knows there’s a scowl carved across it, “M’not sick. Just some allergies. I don’t get sick, Lu. Being sick is for the weak!” Lava continues to slide down the wall like molasses, inching you closer to a fate of fire— and your boyfriend watches you try to welcome it with weary arms.

“If you’re not sick, then I’m the best singer at Camp Half-Blood,” Luke drones as he crosses his arms. He can hear Percy laugh from the sidelines at that, silenced quickly by a glare.

“Now that would really clear her sinuses—even better if he dresses up for Theatrics again,” the son of Poseidon sniggers until a stray boulder comes barrelling towards where he and Grover are sitting. Everything’s suddenly less funny.

“It was one time, Jackson, and I wasn’t…” Luke sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Trouble was just mending a costume.”

“It’s okay Luke, not everyone can pull off a corset.”

“Grover, another word out of you man and I’ll make sure your legs are permanently hairless,” Luke grits, finally tired of the chit-chat and more focused on getting you to rest. In one quick movement, he sweeps you off your feet and over his shoulder while his other hand slams on the button to reset the gears of the climbing wall. A delayed reaction falters from your throat, something of a yelp and an exhale.

“Luke! Put me down!”

But he’s already off in the direction of Cabin 12 to get you settled under the covers for at least the rest of the day until you’re up and kicking again. Your protests are scratchy but loud as he takes you away from the two kids and it's as if everything is right in the world again.

“Remind me not to get a girlfriend that stubborn one day,” Percy mumbles, bumping shoulders with his best friend.

[katzirra]

I sure do be feeling a lot of bad things about my relationship with art these days lmfao, and I really don't know how to fix them and overcome them anymore.

It's like... there's such conflict about like... if you complain about the nature of social media people either are like YEAH!! or there's this weird thing I'm seeing now where people are getting mad at people bringing up the importance of reblogs as like attention seeking begging and shit like?? LIKES ARE NICE, I LOVE LIKES but like reblogs are how people actually SEE your stuff?

A like is like ah nice, scrolls past, a reblog is like MAN I WANNA LOOK AT THIS LATER or like it MEANT something to someone. But people act like that's so wrong artists are bummed out over engagement with shit lmao?? We're just selfish little hogs or something.

Or there's like this long standing thing about artists being bothered they don't know what to draw to get that engagement and people are like "DRAW FOR YOURSELF!!" like bitch, I been doing that because tumblr and twitter fucking drove that nail in lobotomy style - and it's making me sad because I feel like the more I like a piece, the SADDER I am when no one else engages with it or it's like 25 people??

Felix use to get alarming notes at times, now it's like feh, nothing? So, I tried drawing for fandoms I was passionate in - which got me a lot of people I care for, but also a lot of needless drama I hated and didn't ask for and that caused a LOT OF ISSUES when I even TRIED to stay out of it LMAO good LORD.

Even doing the Xig blog lately, I've been like okay I'm gonna stick with it because a WEIRD AMOUNT OF PEOPLE engaged with that poll I posted and I was like okay, that's a substantial amount of people who want that content, and even on the blog itself THAT poll was like OH. OKAY?? Because honestly, I feel like I'm on a weird blocklist or something or people don't like my art in the fandom so it's a weird place to be for me :))!! But I know people send me really sweet messages sometimes or sometimes I get amazingly sweet tag comments or people REALLY like an answer to something and it tickles their brain and that makes me happy but like??

I spend hours on that shit and it barely hits 100 unless it's a meme post usually and I dunno, I feel selfish all the time for being bummed about that. I'll spend days on some of them and be like SO PROUD and then just - the low engagement I'm like man, am I wasting my time? AM I STUPID? AM I TOO OLD TO BE HERE NOW, TRYING TO MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY? IS MY ART BAD? IS IT?? DO I JUST SUCK??? AM I NOT SELF AWARE??

It's weird how I see so many times people like my style or whatever, and like I know people still stick around for it, and I see so many artists post such GRAB BAGS of fandoms and stay strong in engagement and I just always feel like I'm doing something wrong or bad lmao?? Not supposed to talk about your feelings anymore, but also supposed to be engaging and personal on this here hellsite lmao??

I've been doodling shit at work and just feel tired all the time because I don't even want to finish anything anymore. I thumbnail mini comics that are like 5-10 pages of things that I think would be nice to do, I thumbnail out the backgrounds, thumbnail out bigger samples of poses and stuff and feel a little excited about how nice I could make it, and I just... know the energy put into it wouldn't be worth it because it'll be something I finish and am excited to post and no one will care.

Okay not no one, but like who is really gonna put fucking hours and hours of work into something that's gonna fall flat on it's face. I do that enough already! I over the last few years have posted so much stuff I was actually proud of and just felt....stupid for being happy and no one engaging with it. And then feeling more stupid and GUILTY because I'm upset about it?? LMAO LIKE WHAT KIND OF EMOTIONAL GARBAGE IS THAT?? And I'm barely online these days too beyond randomly scrolling shit to see what my friends that I barely feel relevant to talk to are doing in their lives nfjgkh I've lost all personalableness... that's not a word but we keep goin' lmao

It's like boy howdy, this kinda like ennui gets met with the whole ooooh two cakes and ohhhh but it'll be someone's favorite and blah blah - PBBT PBBTTT PBTTTT I GET IT!! But like, I'm sorry, I need more validation that I'm not wasting my fucking time. Because that's kind of all I feel these days is that I'm just wasting my time... which is sad. But ya'know some asshole will also be like "so stop" like thanks, thanks kiddo. That's the kind of shit I need I guess. Just stop. Just give up!

It's like, keep struggling, or just stop. Both options kinda fucking blow. But I've also tried to just stop caring about numbers and engagement - but I've noticed all my friends have slowly stopped posting art too. Busy and tired.

I wanna be excited to post art again, man. I miss when I'd post Marvel shit and actually have hilarious engagement and made friends and had fun conversations.

I miss when I'd post a Xig post and I'd see a tag and end up having a conversation in someone's ask box back and forth because I made some little easter egg or HC they were really into and were curious about more.

I dunno :)) bitching for no reason I guess. Shuts up and draws my stupid little pictures.

I feel like the only reason I keep doing art anymore is because I'm grasping some thread of hoping social media flops over again an engagement booms again LMAO - and also like, I have 3 patrons that ya'know. I'M FUCKING TRYING TO KEEP DESPERATELY LMAO.... Patreon pays for my fucking vet bills at this point and I'm obnoxiously thankful for those people but just fuck idk.

I'm doing everything wrong anymore it feels like but whatever!!

Maybe I just don't try hard enough lmao. Just not meant to be an online artist anymore. After 20 years, I'm still fighting this hard for mild engagement? What kind of fuck up, am I lmao holy shit.

[lilitophidian]

— get to know me!

• what's your phone wallpaper: Nun Alastor, honestly.

• last song you listened to: Rest in Peace - Voodoo Church

• currently reading: Well I was trying to read stuff and things but my brain told me fuck off?

• last movie: I think it was uh uh Interview with the vampire lmfao maybe Lisa frankenstein??? I don't remember

• what are you wearing right now?: Buy me dinner first damn

• how tall are you?: 5'3? I think could be 5'4 I dunno

• piercings / tattoos?: Labret, ears, mushroom holding a knife on my arm and uhhhh a faded stick n poke ghost that you can't see unless I point it out lmfao

• last thing you ate?: some kinda strawberry thingy

• favorite color: Any type of purple, darker greens, pinks,

• current obsession: interview with the vampire, hazbin, probably something else?

• do you have a crush right now?: Who's asking? Could be, couldn't be, upside down, all around. Now shimmy, shimmy, shimmy. Disappears into the woods to eat people

• favorite fictional character: LeSTAT, Alastor, 2D from the Gorillaz lol, uhh, Sandman, Death, Alice from Alice in Wonderland, Bambi (duh), Leia from Star Wars, Alex DeLarge, Chloe & Max from the life is strange series ok this list gonna be long so imma stop.

• last place you travelled: Hell. Yaknow I got friends there!!! /edge

Tagged by : @outofradios

Tagging : the ghosts to tell me they have a crush on me ♡

[onward--upward]

Get To Know Me

hiya i was tagged in two diff versions of this by my lovely pals @firenati0n and @bigassbowlingballhead thank you!! i am Lazy so i have compiled them both into one massive post. enjoy!?

Last song: Gimme a Minute by PVRIS

Last film: the dark knight!!! (excellent movie. i am not even a batman guy, im just a heath ledger guy)

Currently reading: i am reading an ARC of "I Want You More" by swan huntley (excellent so far!!) and also i'm slowly working my way through house of leaves

Currently watching: percy jackson!!!!! most beloved <3

Currently consuming: um!!! coke zero (perpetually)

Currently craving: it's like 1AM but i could probably go for some pasta rn

__

Were you named after anyone? no i was not!

When was the last time you cried? god i dunno. a couple months ago maybe?? (i probably should have cried more recently, there was cause for it lol but i am Bad at crying)

Do you have kids? lmfao. no!

What sports do you play/have you played? this may surprise nobody, but: hockey. i also played soccer growing up and i did horseback riding if that counts (this is how i have broken so many bones)

Do you use sarcasm? oh, frequently. constantly, one might say!

What’s the first thing you notice about people? i actually... don't know?? hair, i guess

What’s your eye color? green!!!!!!

Scary movies or happy endings? why not both <3

Any talents? oh i am so talented!!!! (lying) i mean... writing, i guess? that's the only thing i know how to do

Where were you born? canada, babyyy

What are your hobbies? read, write, scroll on tumblr <3 walk dogs <3 i like to drive, does that count as a hobby?? oh i also occasionally paint

Do you have any pets? yuh

How tall are you? like five foot eight

Favorite subject in school? guess. (its english)

Dream job? to echo roop, i dont dream of labour (lmao!) but i would love to be an editor!! publishing industry i am coming for u

__

i am not tagging any pals simply because i have created my own frankensteinian hybrid of this tag game and i don't want to inflict it on anybody else <3 but feel free to participate if it calls to you!

[nirikeehan]

Word Search Tag Game!

I got tagged by @theluckywizard to find five words in my fics and share a snippet from each.

Gasp: from A Fool's Errand, about Thalia and Cullen's failed attempt at getting busy on his desk lmfao

“Right. Um. Hang on.” He rolled to the left, exposing the seam at his side where the two plates of metal fastened with a comically high number of leather straps. Thalia gasped as his weight shifted, pinning her even harder against the desk. The hard mahogany wood dug painfully into her lower back. “Can you reach that?”  “Sure,” Thalia lied, trying not to wince. She wriggled beneath him, struggling to free an additional arm. “Could you stop leaning on my shoulder, please?” 

Blood: from Two Songs; Truth, Sadness, Sacrifice, about a night on the town in Kirkwall gone wrong for Cullen and Samson (featuring THE BOOT KNIFE)

Cullen slammed into him, knocking the boy’s cap off. A second later, he had Quno by the hair, standing behind him with the dagger to his neck. Quno let out a truncated squeal that Cullen silenced by pressing the blade closer to his scrawny throat.  “You’ll consider Samson’s debt paid,” Cullen rasped, “or else—” “Fucking—” Quno held up his arm, another ball of magic swirling in his hand, but Cullen concentrated on the lyrium in his blood and summoned a dispelling force. The spell went out with a hiss, like a torch dropped in a bucket of water.  Only then did Quno understand. Cullen felt the boy’s body tense with terror. “You— you’re a fucking Templar?” 

Gently: from It's Never Sunny in Barovia, my unhinged Curse of Strahd crossover WIP that no one asked for, featuring Metrion from Curse of Strahd: Twice Bitten which everyone should listen to so I'm not flying this blorbo flag alone

Thalia tries to protest, but he cuts her off. “No, no, maybe you’re right, a little bit. Or a lot. I dunno. Fuck. I never wanted to be in this place. It’ll wear you down, break you, faster’n you can run. We been told the devil knows our every move, that it’s all a game to him. That we’ll stay alive as long as we keep things interesting. But I dunno if painting your face would make much of a difference in the long run, if he’s got an eye on ya.”  Metrion sounds mournful, apologetic, as if trying to break bad news as gently as he can. Thalia reaches out, with a pang of sympathy, and touches his elbow through his long overcoat. He freezes, dares to meet her gaze only briefly before averting it again.  “Strahd must have a weakness,” Thalia says. “Everyone does.” How can she explain to him that she once stood down a man who would be god? What’s one more vampiric tyrant, in the face of someone like Corypheus? 

Sky: from Chapter 1 of Through a Glass, Darkly:

The sky hung low like a threat. It pulsated emerald green, punctuated by swirling dark clouds and detritus. His mouth tasted of ashes. The courtyard was choked with dead grass and fallen rock. Cullen blinked at it dumbly. His eyes hurt, even in the dim light. The near-total darkness of his cell had been all he’d known for weeks beyond count. 

Sharp: from the in-progress next chapter of Through a Glass, Darkly:

Some time later, Thalia returned to her tent, a bitter aftertaste lingering in her mouth. She felt a bit off-kilter, but relieved. Blackwall sat where she’d left him, his whetstone sliding along the edge of his blade in long, slow strokes. His eyes were on the fire.  Irritation stirred in Thalia’s chest. “That must be the sharpest sword known to man by now.”  His eyes snapped to her; his hand paused. Thalia felt a strange pang to behold him like this. Terrible memories churned in her mind: Blackwall’s sudden disappearance, his impassioned speech on the gallows in Val Royeaux, the way he’d looked at her through the bars of his cell. This is why I told you we couldn’t be together, he said, with perfect loathing, while her heart rent in two.

Tagging it forward to:

@bluewren | @monocytogenes | @inquisimer | @exalted-dawn-drabbles | @demarogue | @kiastirling-fanfic | anyone who wants to play!

Words for you to find: broken, tooth, stroll, civilization, satisfied.

[edsbacktattoo]

☼ new positivity game ☼ tag your fave people on this website and say something nice about each of them ❥

HIII ANON! yes yes i love to spread love and positivity

i’ve had this sitting in my inbox for a couple of days until i wasn’t working and/or exhausted so now it’s got my full attention. time to dive right the fuck in. get ready to be loved on folks

(i just got halfway through this post and realised how long it’s gonna be lmfao whoops. all the compliments are under the cut ♥️ i have a whole lot of love to give.)

i’m gonna start this with @tisziny. everyone has to know by now how much they mean to me. so supportive and kind and wonderful. always the first person in line to offer help or advice, or the first to say something nice. silly and hilarious, but so warm and open as well. my day wouldn’t be complete without talking to them now. and i wouldn’t have gotten this far in the fic writing scene without their unrestrained support and enthusiasm. i owe them a great debt (it’s my heart and they already have it). my sweetest cheese ♥️

@skysofrey do NOT. get me started on Kaitlin. i will genuinely cry. i will weep. she’s so funny and sweet and nice and pretty. and so unabashedly supportive and so fuckin’ funny. oh my god. do you ever just th…. surjwbueeh just think about your friends (or your wife 6 times over) and hehdiw… idiewj start weeping????? she’s so cool. like she’s way out of my league but we’re gonna set the world record for most times married you watch. i’ll show you all

@blakbonnet ohggg. Meow. you’re so so funny and so evil to me. but i forgive you because i love you so dearly. so creative and talented and wonderful. ill even overlook the beard situation for you. we can’t all be perfect (like me) but you come pretty damn close. can’t wait to settle down in a mansion and adopt like 7 dogs with you love 💕

@stedebonnets ARA!!!!!! everyone look. ara without a word of exaggeration is one of THEE NICEST people I have ever had the absolute pleasure of knowing. puts everyone else first, cares so so much about the people around her. will sometimes just drop into my inbox and say the sweetest most genuine thing and it reminds me that there is in fact goodness on this barren and hideous planet. the world would be a kinder place if there were more people like Ara around. it’s you me and Arthur against the world Ara and we’re gonna MAKE IT!!!!

@bunnyandthejets Bun. ougyggghh it’s Bun Time. I love you forever and ever and ever. unbelievably hilarious and so so kind. every time i see you in my notifs or in my inbox my heart does a whole song and dance. you’ve made me laugh more times than I can count and I am so so grateful for your endless support. if Big John was real you’d be his favourite <3

@vampirebutterflies ASTER!!! my favourite queer in crime!!! absolute darling angel from heaven. still waiting for our planetarium date babe. the way i kept seeing you being fuckin hilarious and sexy in my notes and went THATS IT!!!!!!! WE HAVE TO BE FRIENDS FOREVER and then made a blood pact with you. to the grave babe mwah <3

@epersonae so so kind and so supportive and delightful. been here since day one, cheering me on and being so open and sincere. there are few in the world as good and as kind as you. such a skilled and thoughtful writer as well!!! writes some of the most wonderful fic I’ve ever read and if you’re not here for Hungry for love, ready to drown what are you even doing

@xoxoemynn ohghhhh you’re just so full of love marianne. so full of love and light and beans and i am obsessed with you. so friendly and thoughtful and so NICE!!!! i dunno what we did to deserve you for real. it takes practice to be as sweet as you are and my friend you are a master of your craft <3

@blackbeardskneebrace miles. my beloved angel miles. you’re so so skilled (one of the most impressive artists on All Of The Internet) and so thoughtful and sweet and sincere. you’re way too cool and funny and smart for me but here we are. i would fight god for you bud. i’d win btw i have insane person rage <3

@leatherdaddyteach oh MANNNN don’t get me started on Joey. sexiest most wonderful mfer in these whole entire woods. hilarious and kind with also the most elite taste in music (not even my opinion that’s just objective fact babe mwah) also we are kissing right on the mouth. i’d give you all my teeth if i could. like i don’t need them babe they’re yours now

@chocolatepot cassidy is one of those people who are just effortlessly kind and thoughtful. so ready to share everyone’s creative endeavours and also persists in being an absolutely incredible writer. i’ve said it once i’ll say it again but More Nicer is one of my favourite one shots. it’s so so cute and i think about it every day.

@wearfinethingsalltoowell Joy my beloved. so nice and thoughtful and sweet. a fellow olu enjoyer to the maximum and a fellow Team Bared Until We Die. We got each other’s backs out here in the trenches. i forgive you for all the times your angst posts have made me cry <3 (no i don’t i hold a grudge. think of my organs)

@nofeelingisfinall Zed my darling my dear my angel. you’re so sexy and smart and kind and 💍 what if we smooch forever. you make my heart go so fast (bc i’m in love with you). another person with yummy delicious music taste and also your web weavings make me cry and weep. like i love you why must you hurt me. i just want peace

@sassygwaine adrian you are so so nice and sweet. like when i picture you i picture a forest that’s full of greenery and life after a little bit of rain ya know? that’s the kind of person you are. so full of love and sincerity and also you’re hilarious and smart and always correct. i’m building us a blanket fort. the door’s the blue cushion

@flightoftheconnie fr you’re way too cool for me. i know this down to my bones. but idc, you me and kaitlin are getting married come spring. let’s run away together and hijack some cars and rob some banks and then make out. i’ll kill all your enemies for you send me a list of names and it’ll be done. mwah <3

@snake-snack-stede oh man. outtghhffg man. Olivia. you’re seriously one of the most creative and delightful people on this shit-hole app. every single post you make is pure gold. don’t get me started on your tags. like being that effortlessly funny is such a skill and you’ve mastered it. but also you are so so kind and sweet too. i’m convinced you could rule the world and i think you’d do it perfectly. i have a huge crush on you btw can you tell?

@jellybeanium124 another person with a godly sense of humour. how dare you all be funnier than me. nina you’re so nice and also you’ve never been wrong ever. all of your takes are objectively correct. how does it feel being cooler and sexier than the rest of us?

@awkward-fallen-angel ohhh heather you’re so sweet!!! and super creative as well!!! always super happy to have a little chat you’re always so enthusiastic and excited about the things you love and care about. so much love for you my dear friend

@sherlockig hi alexz!!!! a stede bonnet lover first and a person second. you’re such an absolute delight, and you’re always cheering on and supporting your friends which i really admire. certified hot as well. come here i gotta give you a smooch

@cheersmequeers kate!!! hi hi!!! you’re so genuine and fun and nice, and i’m always so so happy to see you in my notifs. you’ve got so much love in your heart and i think that’s beautiful. a thousand smooches for you <3

if i've forgotten anyone (and I'm sure I probably have) then pls punch me in the head :) put me straight in the bin fr. just know that even if you aren't on this list that I am very in love with you and I think we should fuck nasty <3

[ogamagirl]

tagged by @x-eins yaaaaaaaaay!!!

1. Are you named after anyone?

Not really, but? my cousin’s middle name is Erin and I guess my parents “asked her” if it was ok - but she was like, 2 at the time, so it was more of a cute gesture than anything deeper lol.

2. When was the last time you cried?

I actually can’t recall...I came really CLOSE to crying last Saturday but it was more tearing up than actual crying.

3. Do you have kids? / recommend a song?

Hikari no Disco by Capsule!

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

It depends lol - I try to mitigate my sarcasm because I don’t want to come off rudely but I use cute jokey sarcasm with friends a lot and if someone IS annoying me I will be very sarcastic under my breath lol

5. What sports do you play/have played?

I was an Irish dancer from kindergarten through high school - that was MY sport, I never did anything else competitively!

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Their general face area?

7. Eye color?

Brown!

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Booooth....scary movies with happy endings being IDEAL.

9. Any special talents?

Idk lmfao - I have talents but I dunno if any of them are “special” in the way that I think this question means? I can sing and bake and draw pretty decently all around, I think that’s enough.

10. Where were you born / what made you make a tumblr account?

I can’t remember, I think a friend had one and I wanted to follow them, it’s been like over 10 years at this point the purpose has been lost 2 time sdjfgnlsdg

11. What are your hobbies?

drawing, baking, video games, walking, listening to music/singing, taking walks

12. Do you have any pets?

My baby boy Yutakaaaaaaaaaa my beloved SON (he is a black cat I love him)

13. How tall are you?

150cm/4′11′’ lmao shortie over here

14. Favorite subject in school?

Science! I think science is super interesting and love biology especially...I just don’t like being tested on stuff jsdfgnlsfg

15. Dream job?

honestly something similar to what I’m doing rn that pays better lmfao I don’t derive fulfillment from my job, I just want to be able to make a living wage so I can do the stuff that really matters to me

I taaaaag YOU if u see this u should do it uvu

[sundaeserenade]

!!!2, 15, 28, 31, 49, 50!!!

2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits?

oh this is FUN! sure, my top five are:

established relationship

selectively mute Red (pokémon)

Mute Red (pokémon)

blow jobs

Plot what plot/porn without plot

and I gotta say, partner, if those five tags don’t describe the Minnie experience and just how committed I am to writing red pokémon getting all the blow jobs he can handle, I don’t know what else can!!

but for reals, I DO love writing blow jobs A LOT and I love red a lot. so. AND I LOVE ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP!!! im not surprised that’s NUMBER ONE BABEEYYY

15. What’s your favorite AU that you’ve written?

aw man this is tough… I actually think my favorite AU hasn’t been written yet! but as for ones that are written I think… wow, I just love Bet the Farm a lot!! AND THERE’S SHEEP IN THAT AU, HOW COULD I SAY ANYTHING ELSE?? but Countryside is really close it’s like RIGHT THERE

28. Does anyone read your fics before you post them? If so, who?

lmao no, I literally just slap that shit on ao3, whatever happens in the final stages of editing and posting are between me and satan himself

31. What’s your ideal fic length to write?

I think I have several ideal fic lengths! It depends on the idea. I will give an outline.

simple one-shot: 3 – 7k

complex one-shot: 10 – 22k

chapter update: 15 – 25k

mini-series: 35k

By mini-series I mean…basically like a group of complex one-shots that’s like a mini chaptered fic. Like four or five chapters broken up real nice and easily digestible. Unfortunately, I always go over my ideal fic length because I have no self-control and I won’t shut up. But this is basically what I try for.

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

I’m working on a couple of things. I’ll share something from GABA 7, which is a big chaptered fic and is my absolute favorite because I put all my headcanons in there.

50. Answer any question of your choice, or talk about anything you want to talk about!

lmfao and now I conveniently forget everything I’ve ever wanted to talk about.

I dunno, I’ve been thinking about the entire writing process lately and how fucking much it is at times. Like every time you open that document and write A word…or a sentence or a paragraph…and you come back and look at it and you hate it or you love it…I think it takes a lot of strength to write.

like it’s just so challenging!! to put words together. it’s not simple at all. and you get stuck in your own head a lot. but you keep going because no one else is going to write this shit for you. I think it takes a lot out of you, but it’s worth it because you put something out into the world that someone’s going to read and enjoy, even if you don’t know it.

I think we often forget, as writers, that people may not leave comments or say something to us directly, but they can love our work from afar. and that’s with any content creator but like. I especially want to say it about writers, because y’know, people kinda downplay writing like ‘anyone can write’ which is so fucking false idk who started that shit, but I would like a word.

idk do you ever think deeply about your hobbies and like…how much time you put into them? and you’re not mad, you’re just thinking about it. I love writing so much but I truly hate that period of when you’re nearly done with something and you hate it. literally the worst part of writing right after having to come up with titles/summaries.

thank you for sending all these questions ixan I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!

[schtorytime]

I'm giving myself some little at home literary workshops (thoughtful rambling about my own writing under the cut, idk)

I dunno if anyone else feels this way, but I think writing in a fandom that - and no shade here, I'm just being objective - has a pretty low bar in terms of fic quality has made me a little bit complacent or given me this false idea that I'm a better writer than I am. Not that I thought I was the best writer in the world to begin with or anything, but I think regularly sifting through the piles of steaming garbage that makes up such a huge portion of the tags on ao3 (and this might be a mcyt thing in general, or it might be because I only read one ship and said ship is in fucking dire straits, idk) has made me feel a little too comfortable or something. Recently I've discovered a few authors that are like - genuinely good at the craft, and I've realised like... holy shit. I am so MEDIOCRE LMFAO. And I don't mean it in an emo oh I'm never writing again woe is me kinda way, that's not really my style; it's in an 'i'm inspired to improve' kind of way. Like sure, I can write in the basic sense. I can create an idea and see it through and get the basic point across; I feel very confident in punctuation and grammar etc. I feel very very at home in writing dialogue that shit comes as easy as breathing. Characterization also comes super easy to me; I find it easy to grasp what a character is about and the way they think and how to predict what they would do or say in any given situation, but everything else outside of those two things?! Mid. Just so painfully mid. My description skills are so flimsy, symbolism and metaphor are virtually foreign concepts to me - I feel like I write really *simply*, and I think the stuff I do write is good! Like it's good in the simplest form, it is, but it's still just... *simple*, and that frustrates me. I know it's enjoyable, I know it's *nice*. But I don't want it to just be nice!! I want people to walk away from my work like, awestruck. I want people to be so immersed and taken back in the same way that I feel reading some of the stuff I have in the last few months. I think I'm in this weird place where I realize I have potential and I have some of the tools and ingredients to *get there* at some point in the future if I really work on it, but I'm also a little lost I'm like how the fuck do you get from point A to point B. I'm such a 'I want a clear route cut out for me and explained to me' kinda person so when I'm left floundering to figure out how to improve by myself I'm like ... where the hell do I start. I wish I'd read more growing up (I did a little as a kid but then by my early teens I'd basically stopped) - I think I'd probably be further along if I had. Kicking my younger self, stupid boy. I dunno I dunno, I'm very inspired I feel restless. I know the answer is just practice but I want to be there NOW D:< I've been doing a little studying and reading some stuff and just thinking how the fuck did you come up with that what the fuck. I just feel like I write so simply, I dunno how else to explain it. I do too much telling and not enough showing and I probably over explain things the same way I do in real life speaking (anxiety havers rise up) but I also write from characters perspectives that I think would also do that, so I don't wanna tip it too far away from that and make it feel unnatural somehow, but I also don't want it to be so BASIC I don't even know if I'm making sense anymore I'm just frustrated but almost in a good way. I think you have to feel that way to make any actual improvements. Hmmmmmmmmm.

It's like in my head I think and see in images and movie scenes and I THINK?? (Maybe I'm a narcissist) that those images and movies are fucking genius, like I'm a genius in my brain, but when you hand me some sort of writing device and ask me to get those movies in my head on to paper???? I plop my ass on the floor and start drawing nonsensically on the walls like a toddler. Okay maybe it's not that bad, but in *comparison* to the stuff in my head - it is. Source : just trust me guys It's weird being very self aware but struggling to know what to do about it. Hmm. Idk, idk. Ignore my ass. HMMMM. Much to think about..

[awisetoad]

Ahahah thank you! I scrolled back and found that post, and after not having looked at it in quite a while I forgot all the stuff I touched on. I do have more to add tho

also tagging @error-reality-not-found bc they liked all the other posts

what did they eat: part 2, electric boogaloo

so last time I kind of considered their diet in terms of maybe what I'd consider a meal (protein + carbs, but little veg given the reaction in Rivendell to the salad lmao). It's unlikely, but there is a chance they are existing on MOSTLY meat because… I mean, I suppose you can kind of forage wild tubers and roots, tho it's not really feasible to be finding and digging them up in the quantities they'd need to meet what we'd consider a normal macro split every day while on the road.

honestly, its worth exploring that mostly-hunting-some-foraging line of inquiry anyway bc that's how so many fics seem to portray the start of the journey.

and boy howdy does this need a cut.

but first: it's far more likely that they'd set out from wherever packing some stuff along. I know I cited bombur baking bread, but idk if that's right. I did some investigating and it seems like prime candidates would've been, like, oats (or rice? and corn but I also dunno about harvest season so maybe its barley or farro or something idk), and possibly some kind of hardtack and/or bannock. probably some hard cheeses and fresh fruit for the first days, but not so much that it ends up spoiling. potatoes could keep, but again idk about seasonality and they are too heavy bc of the water weight compared to shit like oats & grains in terms of calories vs weight. you really can't forget the weight of it all, bc they'll need more ponies to carry whatever amount of provisions they choose to pack to supplement their hunting and gathering AND ponies to carry whatever the weight is of processed game after each hunting session ON TOP OF the ones they are riding AND however many are carrying their non-edible supplies (like the cook pot)

like, here's an example that's just a rough estimate but if everyone has 1 cup of (uncooked) oats a day that's like 300-some calories? I think that weighs 81 grams per person, so 1,215g per day which makes 36,450g across ~30 days, from Bree to Rivendell which makes… 80lbs/36kg of oatmeal I guess? and looks like that's about in the ballpark of what a pony can carry.

(I am staring right at Gloin and his coin purse lmfao)

personally I think packing provisions from the Shire/Bree is essential, but if they run out (or they are washed away down the river by a spooked pony, lookin' at you Book!canon) we might be looking at strictly hunting/foraging for a while.

for foraged stuff like tubers, mushrooms, and probably some stew-friendly greens for fiber that Ori definitely picks around… I don't know the feasibility of gathering enough to make what we'd consider a proper portion per person. I wouldn't be surprised if they threw in as much as they could find honestly just to stretch what else they have. nuts, seeds, berries I imagine would be more like road snacks/lunch during travel days (along with jerky, but we'll get to that) especially if they keep well during travel

also, I quick googled caloric needs for a backpacking trip and it looks like maybe somewhere around 4,000+ calories is the ballpark for hiking in mountainous terrain which does line up with my past-self's googling on that previous post, so. I'll stick to how I calculated game before. If we take a sec and explore that hunting-and-foraging-only diet per above (making them…keto?) the game requirements end up kind of doubling from my last post. We're looking at having to hunt about, what, 60,000 calories worth of meat per day for the group?

Which means, based on the numbers in my other post—

> They'd need to hunt 2 deer, or 2 boar, or 8 good-sized fish, or 8-14 ducks, or 20 rabbits, OR a whopping 82 squirrels* every single day.

jfc uH

holy shit.

ahem, anyway

the logistics of that fuckery

I inquired with some of my buds & some internet folks who have more hunting experience than I, and (as stated in my last post) there's no reasonable way you can hunt & trap at that scale effectively on a literal daily basis, especially if that means having to strike camp, ride 3-4 hours (to hit that 10/mi a day posited by that Atlas of Middle Earth map) set up camp again, and then the time it takes to then process & cook your kills.

not to mention, not every spot along their path will even make for good hunting at all. and while some days you score big, some days you don't score at all.

google tells me that prime hunting time for lots of kinds of game is around dawn and dusk as well, so there's no way people would be sleeping enough with that kind of schedule.

I maintain it's much more likely they're doing some hard hiking/riding for ~20 or so miles (what I googled of pony stamina) for several days until they find the best possible camp that will let them maximize their hunt/forage potential, and then they're at camp for several days just resupplying and letting the horses rest.

and like, obviously, they are mixing and matching game— so like, 1 deer and 1 boar, or 1 deer and 4 fish, or some combination of small game critters that adds up to the equivalent of 82 goddamn squirrels ahaha what the fuck

Which means, fishing, fishing nets, all manner of traps for all kinds of critters which all take time to set and check every day, kili and thorin become an arrow factory, several members of the company are working together to drive boar straight to bifur (the scene from outlander of the boar hunt was enlightening). The foraging folks foraging. Who is out there? The whole damn company, apparently.

You need to catch enough food for the days in camp as well as enough for the days of travel ahead. so, maybe 2 or 3 days moving, 2 or 3 in camp, we'll estimate 5 days worth of game at a time? which means you need to have some kind of home team to handle processing the utterly astronomical 410 squirrels you've somehow managed to bring home.

is it 410 squirrels or hundreds of beavers

(it does work out to ~5 per day, per person in the company. that's two squirrels for breakfast, one for lunch, two for dinner and your actual caloric needs are met. so… jfc hahaha)

(for the love of god someone check my math)

Honestly, most of the edible meat is probably getting turned into some kind of preserved thing for travel days— cold smoking jerky or sausage (given the free natural casings would be otherwise wasted). meat hand pies if Bombur has flour in the provisions? —and in-camp during these off days you're probably making use of the much faster to spoil, and less… uh… desirable? stuff. like the organs, like the bones, marrow, the kind of shit we grind up & call "mechanically separated"… use every part of those 410 squirrels, along with any foraged items that won't keep, know what I mean?

and keep in mind all this processing as well as preserving methods also require like labor and time so its not like you really get much of an "off" day. I did find several ways to smoke meat over open flame but they do require like 12 hours of tending a fire lol so more evidence they're staying put for a while in order to render their game useful over the next few travel days.

and then they get to do it again over the next 5 day stretch… and maybe even the next, resulting in the wholesale slaughter of 1,230 squirrels over 15 days.

assuming in this example that the provisions from Bree only lasted a fortnight until they ran out, spoiled, or were an unfortunate casualty of a spooked horse and they spent the other half of the 30-days-to-Rivendell systematically collapsing the ecosystem

so that's a lot of fucking food

uh, yeah.

I think there's basically two huge points to make that could explain why thorins company might not actually be a walking ecological disaster:

they weren't actually meeting their caloric needs consistently (or at all, lol— canonically they spend a lot of time starving). there's several reasons this could be. one: spooked pony forces them to exclusively rely on hunting game and foraging and they have a lot of days with little-to-no scores. two: pre-spooked pony, they rely far more heavily on provisions from the Shire/Bree and thus hundreds of squirrels are spared in the first half of the trip in favor of oatmeal & bread. three: dwarves' special canonical earth-bread tubers are shockingly nutritionally dense and prolific to forage along their entire route.

dwarves are hardy, and "hardiness" means they can survive for far, far longer than humans can without starving to death or even really losing muscle mass. thus generally they need wayyyyyy less calories than I calculated. I honestly think this is correct, and even tho this is kinda the opposite end of the spectrum from most of the arguments I just made about supply quantities, we also don't see the implications of this explored much at all either (and even if we do, it's usually not until we hit Mirkwood).

Honestly, it could make for interesting dynamics if you consider dwarves may not initially realize they need to feed their non-dwarf members far more often than they need to eat themselves unless they want to accidentally starve their romantic interest their tag alongs—

("wtf do you mean, second breakfast"

"I knew hobbits needed to eat more, but you need to eat how much?!?! I guess that ruins all of my carefully budgeted provisioning. no, no don't worry about it, it's fine, fuck, we may as well go get the damn handkerchiefs given we need to go back and buy many, many more pounds of oats and like… twelve more ponies."

or

"oh shit we only caught one fish to last all 15 of us the next several days but uhh we kind of have to give it Bilbo or he'll starve to death— it's ok, the rest of us can wait another 3 days of travel to eat we'll be fine haha *sobbing* and hopefully wizards can conjure their own calories who tf knows")

so how do they know how to do all that?

again, I know Tolkien's extended canon works paint the picture of dwarves mostly not getting involved with farming or animal husbandry, instead preferring a symbiotic relationship with Men's settlements in order to stock their larders. but, as I think I said before (I barely remember at this point lol) I think it's reasonable to assume that isn't the entire story:

tolkien was very elf-biased and dwarf culture was "secretive" (aka not explored as much); thus, we could assume that the people "recording" this information about dwarves did not have a complete understanding

we can assume that the much-preferred symbiotic lifestyle the dwarves of Erebor enjoyed due to its prime location as a center of trade in the north was straight-up deleted after the sacking of Erebor. life as they knew it fundamentally changed and they had to adapt as refugees, picking up skills they wouldn't have needed before

maybe Fundin took Balin and Dwalin cave-fishing as kids, or they learned it from lake-town. maybe boar is one kind of game found from erebor to ered luin, so bifur is in his element anywhere. maybe fili and kili learned to shoot and trap from rangers in eraidor. maybe bofur, being good at ropes and knots as a miner, can rig up a fishing net easily. or maybe that's dori, if you follow the Fanon that he's a weaver. maybe Ori's actually really fucking accurate with that sling— look up native sling hunting on YouTube.

I do think that Gloin, being the one seemingly bankrolling the expedition along with maybe Balin, would be responsible for calculating, provisioning, and budgeting for the journey from Ered Luin, and acquiring ponies somewhere in the Shire, and then provisioning once again in Bree for the next stretch.

But also consider that they likely had a real plan for that next stretch and resupply point (that doesn't involve elves) that didn't end up working out given that more than a few unfortunate events happened (spooked pony, trolls, elves, realizing they had a deadline at all lmfao). Like. Where were they going next, before the trolls fucked everything up? around thru dunland? were they going to resupply originally in Rohan? or is there a settlement other than Beorn's they might've aimed for? Who knows.

endnotes

I think this sufficiently paints a vivid picture of the absurd amount of planning, effort, time, cost, supplies, and other various considerations that need to be done for this kind of excursion, and how crazy it is that we just gloss right tf over it ahahah

also the timeline for thorin meeting Gandalf, returning to ered luin, provisioning, traveling to a meeting in spaghetti-land, and then to hobbiton is bunk and I have another ted talk about that

and about bed rolls.

I'm not gonna link stuff bc it'd be too much, but my sources are shit like a billion hours of bushcraft camping/cooking videos, act/pct thru hike videos, the lewis and clark expedition records, Townsends and tasting history and Sohla's history food show on YouTube, the original Native American diet & pemmican, early human hunter-gatherer societies, fandabi dozi on YouTube, wagon trail cowboy shit, how to feed the crew of a 17th century ship while at sea, primitive food preparation pre-refrigeration, how medieval armies razed the countryside while marching to war, and personal real-life experience that includes but is not limited to: professional catering experience, feeding my 30-person extended family for every holiday growing up, feeding many bachelorette and stag parties for more than a few days bc I'm in my wedding attendance era.

anyway thank you for coming to my dissertation, apparently ted talk, happy to answer q's or expound on anything that might be unclear :)

*(it's possible it's even more than 82 squirrels/day because I have no idea if my past-self took Bilbo and Gandalf into account so I might be off by 2 entire people's worth of food, and fuck if I am going to attempt to figure out how many calories a hobbit needs. I'm not checking, I don't think I care to discover whether we have our first entries to eriador's endangered species list)

also fucking 82 squirrels that will literally never not be funny I am wheezing and crying right now in real life, good god

Not one of my normal posts, but:

Who do you think would go hunting for the Company during their travel to Erebor?

Would it be Dwalin?

Bifur?

Would Kili and Fili go out to hunt for the food?

Or would it be Thorins purpose also, to provide for his companions as the leader of the adventure.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

I’ve thought overnight about it, and:

I’ve got a lineup (from most often to least often)!!!

1. Gloin (we all know this man makes everything a completion, his game is the best, his wife is the best, his hair is the nicest copper color, his son is the best, we could go on and on) he prides himself on the kill he makes for the company.

2. Bifur I cannot use words to describe how vicious yet clean this dwarrow is with his kills. When Bifur kills an animal, it is left so perfectly, it looks like it’s alive, perfect for cooking and using every bit of the body they need

3. Suprisingly is Dwalin! We know our warrior is a bit rough around the edges all over, but he cares for his fellow kin in a subtle way, such as making sure they eat so they can “Put that food to good use and use your brain for once!”

4. Fili and Kili (cuz they a duo) Kili normally does the killing of Deer and such with his arrow, while Fili will take down physically with a dagger, Fili normally goes for the neck right away, Kili goes for the lungs of what he shoots at when hunting

[mochaclaws]

Borzoi in da tub he’s so clean!!

[woogurl]

(hi, it’s me again pretending as if i didn’t go on an unannounced hiatus).

yes, i’m back...for now. i’m not sure for how long. as i’m too busy these days, but i wanted to specifically make this post because it’s been bothering me for a while now. someone mentioned this in the woosan tag as well, but it’s...

non-atiny’s(and some anti-shipping atiny) who constantly feel the need to expose woosan as some cleverly put together ship that was carefully manufactured by the company. i’ve seen so many titles on youtube and posts on twitter saying how:

“woosan is obvious fanservice” and “woosan; a prime example of queerbating in kpop” 

i’ve never seen a ship be so criticized for being ‘out there’ and ‘in your face’. i’ve made a post on fanservice before but this post will mainly be focused on why i think it’s completely unfair, dishonest, homophobic, and antagonistic to view their relationship as manufactured and fake. and before you go, ‘i’m sure they’re good friends but all that other stuff is clearly done by the company.’ and don’t get me wrong, bc kq is very much aware of the ships and do try to profit off of fanservice...like every other company. but the clearest indicator of this not being MOSTLY all fanservice is something i’ve mentioned many times before.

1. the rest of the ships in ateez not being anywhere near the intimacy and skinship as woosan.

2. body language. 

3. the members THEMSELVES explaining their dynamics.

4. kq not FORCING ships.

ever since predebut and debut there’s ALWAYS been three main ships in ateez. seongjoong, yungi, and ofc woosan. 

as you could see, woosan was definitely thee most popular ship. however, i do believe their popularity grew over time because during the early era i’m sure seongjoong dominated, even on fanfic sites they dominate the amount of fanfics written about them. however, woosan’s clear comfort and intimacy with each other made them more popular among atiny’s and even non atiny’s they even had some taekookers saying their ship was realer and that’s saying something xD. 

something people really, no i mean REALLY need to understand is...doing fanservice does not invalidate an entire relationship. 

there are plenty of celeb couples who enjoy publicly dating and showing affection. 

then comes the argument of well, “if they were real they wouldn’t be so obvious about it.”

this statement bothers me because, people who believe that showing too much skinship is fanservice but then they’ll turn around and say at the same time it’s just culture???

it’s fair to see them doing their fake love dance routine and going THAT’S FANSERVICE. but looking at those moments and going ‘nah, their entire friendship gotta be fanservice.’ is delusional to me, as u like to call us shippers. 

even if you do not ship them romantically, it’s odd to me that people see two same-sex idols expressing comfortability, intimacy and skinship together and feel like if they’re too open about it or if it looks too gay then it’s....fake? even tho fans love to say it’s just apart of their culture. but if it gets too gay, then it’s fanservice. 

i can’t. xD

just because they’re completely comfortable with being intimate doesn’t mean they’re being forced to act that way...it literally just means they ARE that way. 

i constantly put emphasis on being comfortable with skinship and intimacy bc, to me that’s just not something the company can force. body language is a reaction from your true emotions and your inner most thoughts. IT IS THE FOUNDATION TO FIGURING OUT WHAT A PERSON TRULY FEELS INSIDE AS THEIR EMOTIONS WILL ALWAYS TRANSLATE THROUGH THEIR BODY. if u are uncomfortable it will be revealed through body language. and i know a ton of seongjoong shippers are gonna hate me for this, but they are a prime example of this. trust me i’m not here to start a ship war, i am purely just using them as an example of discomfort in body language. 

body language is something a company cannot control.

seongjoong show definite signs of being uncomfortable with intimacy, heck shippers use that one moment seonghwa expressed sadness bc hj hugged the other members and not him as a shipping moment lol. but even when they do hug it looks uncomfortable. my guess is bc hj is not good at expressing his feelings and isn’t a touchy person. and even tho seonghwa is comfortable with skinship, it’s understandable that it can become uncomfortable for him bc of the things i mentioned before as well as the power dynamics and age difference between them.

and here i am going to be stoned bc, i have more to say about seongjoong(don’t kill me). 

bc something the company also can’t control is what OR who the members hang out with OUTSIDE of group activities. so that’s why i’m also mentioning that i also don’t think seongjoong is as close as shippers think they are as...seonghwa mostly hangs out with woosan. and it is almost always mentioned how often woosan hang out together off camera. even early on. woosan hung out so much that it literally came to a point where yeosang felt like his bestfriend was taken from him. 

can we mention again how happy that makes san? and let’s not forget the moment woo said seonghwa was into him, but san was like. ‘you’re into me tho’ and they BOTH tried to gloss over that.

wooyoung: wHaT dO u mEaN? 

lol. people love to say how much san’s whipped for woo, but woo’s probably even more whipped. 

here’s more evidence of woosan enjoying each others company off camera. https://woogurl.tumblr.com/post/614348590729625600/nobody-wooyoung-san-and-i-bass-boosted#notes. 

we can even talk about a more recent moment. the ateez debate about mint chocolate. dunno what’s with these kpop idols debating about mint choco ‘cause bts did it too. lol. anyway, they ended up talking about the group dynamics. and how woosan again are always together. 

i-i’m sorry, but does moment remind y’all of a past moment? LMFAO. seonghwa’s feeling yeosang’s pain. 

seonghwa’s just like woosan says they’re tired of each other but can’t detach themselves. and here’s more evidence that the company isn’t forcing them. for those who thinks kq has some masterplan when it comes to promoting ships.

when they talk about their dynamics, jongho says he feels left out but hj exposes him and says, ‘we’ve tried to pair him with someone but he(jongho) just doesn’t do it’

so this just solidifies my statement from earlier, if the members don’t wanna promote a ship. they ain’t gonna do it. we got one or two vlives from twoho and das it. lmfao. don’t get me wrong. i’m sure jongho get along well with yunho as well as the other members, but promoting any of the other ships in ateez like woosan isn’t gonna work well. ‘cause the rest of the members don’t have the same dynamics. woosan are comfortable with skinship and being intimate with each other and the other members just are not.

another piece of evidence is the members tired reaction whenever woosan is mentioned. lmfao. 

this was so dramatic omg. but the members reactions are very telling of woosan’s relationship off screen. if woosan was just fanservice i do not believe the members would react the way they do, maybe share some knowing glances at each other like. ‘pfft, they think woosan’s real’ but their reactions are always big or very indicative of something bigger happening behind the scenes. lol. 

i’m not gonna go into too much details, bc the members reactions to woosan are an entirely different post(i got so many posts to make. xD).

Lastly Wooyoung’s Tatto. I know right? He’s very committed to fanservice guys. 

Amicus ad Aras is something that woosan made to signify their friendship, and the fact woo got a tattoo on his body of it means a lot. not to mention woo himself taking initiative to find something that represented their relationship. 

i feel like i need to reiterate that the meaning of this tattoo was to define his relationship to san specifically so it applies to san specifically. woo has many MANY friends AS WELL as bestfriends yet he got a tattoo that can only be truly applied to san and no one else. 

u can continue saying theyy’re just good friends doing fanservice, but it’s obv that woo has many good friends. so the next question u gotta answer is what separates san from the others.