#i dunno i didn't read it
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Do you love the colour of the dissertation?
sleeping dog 1: "the killer is not hiding under the bed"
sleeping dog 2: "the killer does not have big knife and doesnt want to hurt you"
scared guy: "i know you both are not telling the truth and that the killer is under the bed with a big knife and wants to hurt me"
let sleeping dogs lie
#jesus christ#tldr#pretty sure philosophy?#i dunno i didn't read it#sorry if it's offensive or anything#color of the sky#color of the sky ass post#long post#long text
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It's still interesting that TBoB called more attention to Stan's control over his mindscape (And if you go with the interpretation that the lost pages are partial truths that are heavily influenced by Bill, then he's the one insisting that only someone with training should be able to have that much control over the mind.)
Meanwhile we have a memory!Stan. Someone who apparently knows too much and is rather aware for being a simple memory.
From the Wheel of Shame, we know Bill was able dig up all kinds of dirt on Stan but... that wasn't why he was there in the first place, was it?
Bill couldn't find the code immediately despite a memory of Stan opening the safe being a few hours old at most and decided to have Mabel try find it for him (The original concept of the ep had it far more hidden but this was likely cut because of time constraints)
Ford did experiments on Stan's mind which likely meant using Project Mentem and actually looking around his mindscape, and his only reaction was to comment on his jokes-- despite what little we the audience know being enough to render us sobbing wrecks
(yes I refuse to shut up about this part cos the book's intro is extremely underrated)
Stan was able to replace his memories of Ford with the swingset instead and managed to hide Ford in his Bar Mitzvah memory. And that's not even mentioning the lack of visible Portal and Stan o' War which noticeably show up in Ford's dreamscape (the broken swingset manifesting anyway pains me tho)
He subconsciously has misdirects for his secrets that are both silly and manages to disturb everyone too
And while Bill-as-Soos being bored by the vending machine memory is a joke that's basically the crew's way of going "hey remember the thing way back in the first ep that's going to show up in the next one?" and in-universe appears to be Stan slipping up, it's interesting that they had Stan input the wrong code when it's consistent literally every other time its inputted (especially when it shows up correctly in the very next episode)
It's even possible that the safe code that Bill found could have been a misdirect too but we'll never know since the safe got blown open by dynamite.
Stan was able to buy time by making his mind blank despite being genuinely terrified when Bill enters his mind (to the point that he breaks character and uses his own voice to yell), and could conjure up his living room (in colour opposed to his mind's regular greyscale) to make sure Bill didn't have enough room to flee, slamming the door in his face before the effects of the memory gun kicked in.
(EDIT: Random door analysis here)
And maybe the twins eventually told him that Bill had already been inside his mind after their W3 reunion, but all we know was that his conscious self was left in the dark for ages and wasn't really aware of Bill until Weirdmageddon.
TBoB showing McGucket's dreamscape also brings up the idea of the effects of the memory gun manifesting differently to each person. To Stan's mindscape, the memory wipe manifests as blue flames which immediately brings to mind Bill's powers but it's a far lighter shade (maybe to more closely match the memory gun and its eventual fade to white?)
The end of TBoB and the website poem also firmly reminds us about Stan's connection to fire but there's also the question if Stan himself is actually aware of it...
#but also j3 having ford read dipper's entries post dd&md but not having him know about the kids' encounters with bill is so kashdskahd#cos that implies he immediately skipped the pages that mentioned stan 😭and didn't read mabel's entries#oh for him to actually react to dipper's observations about stan's mindscape....#stan pines#stanley pines#bill cipher#gravity falls#gf meta#yes of course my brain is still going ' same coin theory ooooo' at this#cos i doubt that j1 has any mention of the mindscape and it's not like stan would have studied this stuff#imagine iconic hippy hater actually mediating on purpose#i'm still waving my arms about stan potentially seeing the reader's version of tbob tho#but even if that ain't the case bill having a breakdown from him reading him like a book is still iconic#dunno if this is coherent and i'm pretty sure all this stuff is things most folks know but idk some people didn't read the journal#some folks don't know about the poem!!!! truly the biggest tragedy
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I'm not getting into The Giving Tree discourse...
#personal#delete later#idk i just saw a post of the “alternate ending” comic on my dash and everyone praising it as an improvement and “fixing” the original#which i kinda resent#while tulli and i was taking my nephew to a book store we walked around the kids section and found the giving tree and we read through it#and i was so stricken by how profoundly sad it is. it's not a happy story#in the end both versions tell the exact same lesson. but one flat out tells you and the other makes you sit with a pit in your stomach#and work to find the answer#i dunno it's kids literature but kids literature is important. i don't wanna discredit anyone's bad memories with the book but also i think#sometimes it's ok to make kids a bit sad and upset with fiction.#tweet that goes “what if romeo and juliet didn't kill themselves and explained to the audience that family feuds are bad”#idk you can't seriously read the original book as an adult and say it's glorifying self-martyrdom#when the final drawing of the book is of an old tired man sitting on arotting stump with his hat fallen to the ground#again i don't wanna invalidate people's feelings if they enjoy the alt version i think it's really nice too. but the original has its#purpose too. imagine if at the end of the lorax they show that the boy did it and replanted the world happy ending#wait they did that in the movie shit#i dunno i just love somber children's literature. tulli and i are talking about moomin right now and how the series ends with the moomin#family just leaving. and nobody gets to say goodbye to them. their friends have to find ways to live with the emptiness they've left behin
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What do you think of jkr as a writer? I for one has always felt like she didn’t treat her female characters well. It felt strange, being critical of her when she was god queen of the earth, and also being 10
I think most of the problems in her books can be chalked up to genre hopping. Books 1-3 are perfectly good and serviceable children's books — great children's books, even! They have compelling, relatable characters and juicy mystery plots. They have problems, sure, but for the first three books someone's ever written — especially someone with little or no background in creative writing — they're really fucking good. So: there's her flowers.
The last four books pivot sharply into much more emotionally complicated and sociopolitically loaded territory, because they're describing a war. And it's hard to write children's books about war. I would venture you can't really do it, at least without dramatically misrepresenting what war is! And so Rowling makes the executive decision somewhere during the writing of Book 4 that she's not going to flinch away from that, she's going to go for dramatic realism, and she kills Cedric Diggory to let us know. People had died in Harry Potter before, of course — Quirrell gets sent to the fucking shadow realm, for example. But children haven't. (It also gives parents who are reading these books with their children a warning shot: shit is about to get significantly more real, think twice before you buy the next one of these for your 10-year-old.) After that, Rowling starts leaning much more into dramatic realism, and the fast-paced mystery-novel plotting of the first few books is replaced by a slow, simmering political conflict that unfurls over the course of about a million words.
The problem — besides the fact that she's picking one of the hardest things to write about, like, in all of literature, war is really insanely complicated and emotionally intense and hard to portray well — is that she's now trying to use characters, plot points, and technologies she developed for a children's series to enact a sprawling war drama among teenagers and adults. So Hermione, who was a reasonably precocious snobby eleven-year-old, becomes this sort of encyclopedic all-knowing savant of the wizarding world, who somehow remains functional and mostly even-headed despite her identity being the chief target of a prolifically murderous terrorist group. Draco Malfoy, a schoolyard bully whose primary tools included 1. namecalling and 2. telling teacher, JOINS said terrorist group (and admittedly does react reasonably, i.e., has a total crashout and takes to sobbing in a girls' bathroom whenever he gets a free minute). Dumbledore, who starts out as "whimsical friendly winky-wink trustworthy grandfather type", ends up being Magical Winston Churchill in a violent game of spycraft and espionage, eventually revealing he's only been keeping Harry at all these seven years because he wants to KILL him! And like, maybe really good technical writing could smooth out these transitions and make the first-order dramatic choices seem more natural, but Rowling is like, a Fine Writer, technically speaking. meaning she's reasonably consistent in characterization, her plotting is well-paced and believable, she has a clear authorial voice, and her prose is readable. personally, that's not enough to get me to buy into some of the changes that happen in the later books, and because she stuffs these things so full with new elements every installment, a lot of stuff ends up getting glossed over.
And like, I still love the books. I think they're wonderful, and they taught me how to read. but i can say that and also say that Rowling probably did herself a disservice by trying to write four giant war novels as sequels to her first three mystery children's books.
#i have this running theory that debut fantasy writers shoot themselves in the feet by trying to be tolkien#i.e. assuming because they're writing fantasy they have to write about war#but he wrote that because that was what he liked reading! it was what he thought a mythological epic should be#at the time LOTR was a WEIRD pitch for a book#fantasy was much more small-scale adventure like Lewis's Narnia books (which also end in a giant battle but like)#(it's not really the same thing. narnia doesn't run on realpolitik)#(it's Narnia)#I'd compare it to swiss family robinson and treasure island and the adventure stories of Jules Verne#then tolkien comes along and is like. WHAM. Bitch I Put Elves In The Somme#and everyone was like ??? HOT DAMN#but the thing is. once you've seen Elves In The Somme. and it's THAT good. the Hot Damn effect wears off some#so all these fantasy authors start writing vaguely medieval war stories because that's what Tolkien did! and they love him!#but the difference between mimicry and inspiration is your willingness to depart from the source#there are a lot of other plots out there! hundreds! thousands even!!#harry potter books you didn't need to do this! harry potter you could have just been cool mysteries!#but i dunno maybe people started talking about her as the next tolkien and she got scared of disappointing them#and like having said all that. considering the obvious anxiety of influence and the genre hop and the rough technical spots.#the harry potter books are REMARKABLY good.#what you have in them is an author's first attempt at longform serial storytelling EVER#and it's ambitious as hell and it has a billion characters and you know what? she mostly pulls it off!#we rag on it for being messy at the edges because It Is and I wouldn't be writing fanfic if I didn't have some qualms#or at least areas I think could bear more explaining. but there are Reasons it went that way
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One man brings A dragon down
#spazzcat doodles#helsknight#redstone and skulk#capture the flag#apparently this is “beat up Helsknight Sunday”#anyway song for this one is 'brokenbrow' by pelleK and Jonathan Young#anyway i read one time that a king was called a 'dragon' if he was powerful and fearsome -- a tyrant#and every day i regret the fact that i didn't give Helsknight a title like “The Dragon of the Colosseum” or something like that#anyway i have a very intense scene in my head for the Capture the Flag one-shot#where Helsknight has a rough time at the hand of Martyn's knight's bane#dunno if i'll ever finish that fic but in my head the fight scenes look really cool
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Offseason Thoughts!!
ok i know a lot of people are dreading this offseason because it’s going to be Long it’s going to be Dramatic, but honestly i’m so here for it. like lowkey i love this time of year because really it’s the time for completely unbridled optimism in a lot of ways. if we do A, B, and C, who’s to say that that doesn’t fix the team and we win the super bowl next year? you literally can’t know for sure that it WON’T work!! (i didn’t say it was a time for realism, i said optimism, perhaps delusionally so 🥲)
plus i’m just genuinely interested in all the roster building stuff. figuring out contracts and how those might work, free agency, the draft and everything that those things entail - love it! all about it! so if you’re a sicko like me who IS into all of this (and i completely understand if you aren’t because it WILL be exhausting) i thought i’d make a little overview about the things we’ll be dealing with over the next several months.
Here is a list of all the internal free agents we are going to have to make decisions on, along with their expected cost and the likelihood of us keeping them
^Here is our expected cap space for the next few years (taking into account expected cuts like Rankins, Hubbard, and Cappa) plus some extra commentary.
as you can see, we have MORE than enough cash and cap space to be very aggressive this offseason. will we be? it’s certainly not in our reputation to do so, but they HAVE been making baby steps over the last few years to catch up to the modern nfl. the most recent example of which is firing coaches like lou before their contracts are up! very uncharacteristic of the brown family. and i think this reflects rumblings you hear on twitter that the organization is frankly embarrassed at how this season went (rightfully so). so i think you can expect they will do SOME things to reflect this urgency, even if it’s not as much as we’d like them to do.
the biggest decisions to be made: what do we do about tee?? what do we do about trey?? and then of course extending ja’marr, which i don’t think is a decision at all for anyone, but they’ve gotta decide how to do it to make both sides as happy as possible, when they struggled with that right up to the first game last season 😭
Tee: obviously if you’ve been following this blog you know i want to keep tee. i think we can pull it off and i think it will be beneficial to the team long term. but there is an argument to be made regarding his durability/injuries and whether the resources we’d spend on him would be better spent elsewhere like on fixing our historically bad defense. however, to that i say that we’re actually already one of the biggest spenders in terms of cap space on defense, and it didn’t help at all lmao. once we get rid of people like sheldon rankins and sam hubbard, who are definitely no longer worth the value of their contracts, we will free up a significant portion of the cap and use it to find better value free agents that can help us. the strategy going from overpaying for bad players to paying average amounts for average players. because with a top 5 offense like we had this year, we truly only need an average defense, unlike the HISTORICALLY bad one we had this year!
(now a caveat to this is if the bengals would actually show they’re willing to go all out and spend BIG on the BEST defensive free agents, then perhaps that’s worth more than keeping tee. but the only thing with that is that i just don’t believe the bengals would do it either way. even in 21 when we fixed our whole defense with free agency, we still did it by acquiring a bunch of smaller name value free agents, who ended up performing far above what the market thought they would. and i imagine that will be the strategy by the FO whether we keep tee or not.)
you can also say that a large part of our FO’s failure the last few seasons has been that we aren’t keeping our Known Talents. we drafted and developed jessie bates into a star, and then we let him go because we thought we could easily replace his value for cheaper in FA and the draft….and three years later safety is still a huge hole on our roster. DJ Reader is another example of a key player for our team that we thought we could replace and we failed dramatically. looking at tee, who is the replacement we have in line? jermaine?? for SO MANY reasons that is no longer a viable plan lmao. Someone in FA? this is a weak FA class. so we’d let tee walk and then probably end up overpaying for a lesser talent? what’s the point of that? okay maybe we draft a WR high to replace tee? well i’m hearing that it’s also not a great WR draft. and to expect a first year rookie to come in and offer even half of what tee does is also not a super sound strategy! (not to mention we’d have to spend a high draft pick that should probably be used on defense!)
tag tee? maybe! but i don’t think it’s as likely as extending him at this point. the second tag will be expensive (i think over 25k? maybe 26k) and that takes up a big chunk of our cap space if that’s what we’re worried about. plus it will piss off tee, to be tagged twice and not given the benefit of being able to get a long term deal? with his injury history especially? players hate that shit. i think it’s more beneficial for both parties to just do an extension at that point if we want to keep him. you can spread the cap hit out easier for the team, and tee won’t have to worry about his long term security as much.
ANYWAY this got long, honestly tee should have just been his own post lmao. but this situation is deifnitely the most interesting to me and seeing how it goes will be FASCINATING.
Trey: he requested a trade last offseason because he knows that his current contract is significantly less than he deserves for the value he offers (and that was BEFORE he got first team all pro and led the entire nfl in sacks this season, oh god 🥲) we have him under contract, but would he be willing to play under it? or would he retire like he threatened to? i’m honestly not sure, and i hope it doesn’t come to us finding out. we need to keep our star players happy, which means we need to figure something out here. do we extend him? he just turned 30, which the FO always frowns upon when it comes to extensions lol BUT he also just had his best year? i don’t think even our idiotic FO could say that just because his age starts with a 3 now means he’ll be washed next season or even the season after. what i’m seeing on twitter is that he’s expected to get at least one more deal of 2-3 years. and looking at the age of elite edge guys in the league, i think that that’s fair! and if you ask me, completely and totally worth it to keep trey. i mean jesus, who do we even have on defense if we lose him?? i think this one is a no-brainer, we’ve gotta offer him an extension for more money and i think he’d still be willing to take a reasonable deal to stay.
Ja’Marr: oh my god. i’m still filled with SO MUCH RAGE when i think back to how CLOSE we were to getting him signed last offseason. we were RIGHT THERE. all the rumors were saying it was basically a done deal!! all the numbers and years were agreed upon!!! but our cheap-ass FO couldn’t just get over themselves and structure the guarantees to match how most deals are done in the rest of the league!! they showed they’re willing to do a modern structure for Joe, they need to show they’re willing to do it with the rest of our stars. especially our first team all pro triple crown winning stars!! jesus christ!!!
the only thing that offers me some comfort is that ja’marr is still on the same path, contract-wise, as Justin Jefferson. they also couldn’t get over the hump before his fourth year even when both parties wanted to, and he ended up signing a massive contract in june the next year. i’m hoping that we can accomplish the same on a similar timeline because oh my god i do not need all the drama of ja’marr missing training camp again! and when you look at all the other WRs up for an extension this offseason (garrett wilson probably the only one who even comes slightly close to ja’marr’s level), i think it’s fair to say that ja’marr is setting the market whenever he signs. then like with justin’s last year, the other WRs will all sign slightly below. so i’m hoping hoping hoping that there’s no motivation on either side to drag this out. but of course, we’ll see!!
and then we’ve gotta think about the lesser free agents like Mike G, Mike H, BJ, Germaine…i have no idea what we do with them. i’d like to retain Mike G…..the three defensive vets i dunno! they’re good locker room leaders…mostly? they’re still solid if not losing a step. should we bring them back for reasonable vet deals? probably?? can we find better value in FA?? i’m honestly not sure. like you don’t want to lose these guys but it’s also hard to say that we should keep them at all costs when you look at the defensive performance last year. i just don’t know here. i’d hope we keep at least one of them? BJ maybe being the most important in my eyes?
there’s so much more to talk about honestly but i’ll stop yapping for now! what do you guys think we should do?? i’d love to hear your thoughts!
#fair warning this is mostly yapping about tee and all the possible things that could happen with him#and i didn't even mENTION the most important thing probably#being that joe has repeatedly explicitly and publicly demanded the FO to sign him#so like. they should NOT want to risk pissing off their star franchise QB!!#the rest of it...man i dunno.#i might make some polls lol?? see what the rest of you guys are thinking about some of these free agents#god this is long i'll be shocked if anyone reads the whole thing but i just wanted to organize my thoughts going into the offseason#who cares about the playoffs we've gotta figure out trey's contract structure!!!#cincinnati bengals
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whoops i asked in the wrong place. would you be willing to do a request of the vargas boys in a SAW trap? thank you in advance <3
Day 2 - Was it not obvious enough
#My art#Requestober#Vargas#Edgar#Scriabin#Blood#SAW#So fun fact about me: I have never seen any of the SAW movies and I have exactly zero interest in changing that lol#I'm actually a huge wimp when it comes to live action horror - I can handle just about any other kind of horror!#I love horror video games and animation and comics and stories but I just get really super uncomfortable by live action horror#Especially slashers - I top out around ''Get Out'' as far as on-screen blood and injuries and the like :(#Which sucks because as I said! I love horror! I want to watch Nightmare on Elm Street so badly but I can't! ;o;#And there's something funny about just how violent JtHM and Vargas and everything is but I'm just like#''SAW :( No I can't :('' lol#So I actually had to outsource from a friend lol she's a big slasher buff and knows I can't handle this stuff#So she briefly described a trap from SAW II and I extrapolated from there#Do I have context for you? No#Do I have blood for you? Yes >:)#Poor Edgar D: I dunno if I read correct from glancing around all the scary imagery but there was something about this trap?#About how like if they didn't put both hands they might've been able to get out? :0 I don't actually know#And anyway he has Scriabin there with him! Help!#He's no help at all lol he's just jostling the trap that'll just hurt him more!#I just like to imagine there's a semi-happy ending :') Still a lot of bloodloss tho haha#Anyway I probably wouldn't do one of these live action horror crossovers again :'D Once is more than enough for me
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I imagine Jason didn't fully really see Dick as his brother, that was more like a distant figure. Nightwing who's a hero and very cool and sometimes tells him he's doing a good job. Like? Augh. Putting this into words
He never truly yearned or hoped for Dick to hang out more, to be his brother, to take him on trips in and out of uniform. Like he thought about it, but it just. Didn't seem the realm of possibility. Dick was cool, he liked him, he would've loved to hang out with him more. But the idea having an actual proper relationship never really fully crossed him. He didn't agonise over Dick not being a brother because it just. Didn't come to mind, it didn't seem a possibility, it just wasn't a thing. Why would he expect Dick to be a brother to him, why would he ever expect Dick to hang out with him more
#and OBVIOUSLY when tim comes by jason is like hey. what the fuck.#nightwing could've been my BROTHER? we couldve hung out :(? how come he didn't :(#i dunno it just. there's an extra hit to it yknow? different fun thing where instead of being a distant brother#jason just fully never comprehended he could've been#i dont mean this in a set up for ship way to be clear#i mean it in a. god thinking about dick and tims closer relationship and jasons nonexistent one devastates me all the time for forever#jason is the character i place in the cold snow outside to look into a bright window with a happy and warm family but cannot enter#<- thats not fully related to this specificpost i guess. but man. short stories you read in elementary school thag haunt you for forever hu#uh#jason todd#for filtering rly#brothers in blood where jason sent the note saying we wanted to be family :(
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My ArtvsArtist of 2023 :D
I didn't do one last year because i felt like i did very little, beside being quite depressed and in a general low stage of my life.
This year tho, has been really a different story: I really missed drawing like this, so often, so energically, full of passion and, honestly, pride for my results. I'm very happy and I truly hope to continue this path.
A really, really big thanks also to all of you. I felt part of something beautiful and the love I received was almost blinding, it made me go on and helped me truly a lot.
Thank you, y'all.
And always Love&Peace!!!
#art vs artist#art versus artist#chronart#trigun#this is the artvsartist fluff version#didn't do an angst version but i'm pretty sure i can fill three with angst alone lmfao#anyway#thank you really#i still read the tags of most of the time and they fill me with so much joy#i'm so happy to create and to see how people feel what i was feeling (???)#does it makes sense? i dunno#anyway!
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not saying the holocaust wasn't bad. but i need people to understand that it wasn't the only genocide that happened in the same period of world history. not because i want you to pay less attention to holocaust but because i need you to ask why it's the only one we ever talk about. it wasn't the longest occured massacre of a marginalized group, it wasn't the most gruesome, it wasn't the one with the most casualties, it wasn't the first and it wasn't the last one. i need people to think about why we didn't pay much attention to all the other holocausts after WWII that happened simultaniously and were just as horrible. it says so much about media, the news we are fed, and that our empathy is BOUGHT by the same people that keep funding genocides all over the world.
#i didn't grow up in the west-#-so everytime i watch a movie where the characters comically try to avoid saying the word 'nazi' because it's so offensive i'm like.... huh#how are you as an american suggest that being a nazi is the most evil thing a human can be but describe america as the land of the brave?#for many people hitler is the face of evildoing but every single european leader at the time engaged in similar activities#and this is not to say we shouldnt condemn nazis or whatever. god no#i get a lot of asks (some very rude by the way) from people who think i'm an antisemite because i'm... muslim?#dunno how yall think that makes sense but no. i learned about the holocaust from my very muslim mother.#who then gavw me anne frank's diary to read#holocaust has always been a topic we talked about at home. it had a lot tell about the western world#but we didn't have the same 'dont speak of it or you'll get cancelled' type of mindset#i believe that's because it wasn't the only genocide we learned and talked about#it holds so much weight in the western world because you think it's this very out of the blue thing that happened only once in history.#that tells even more about the western world#thoughts#freepalestine#free palestine#free congo#free sudan#free uyghurs#boycott israel
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Something Diavolo and Barbatos will never forget is the look Calypso gave them after he found out they knew he would die and said nothing. Not even a weird and vague hint.
Calypso didn't blame any of the brothers aside from Belphie and especially not Lucifer. He warned Calypso multiple times. No, Calypso blamed himself, Belphie, Diavolo and especially Barbatos.
The look of betrayal, hurt, and pure, raw anger. The way his pupils were nearly not existent slit in his eyes when he looked at them. The uncried tears of anger and sadness. The way he trembled with the urge to hurt them in any way he could.
Verbally, physically, mentally, emotionally. He didn't care. He despised them for the fact that they knew and had chosen to stay silent about it. Other than 6 out of the seven brothers not being blamed he didn't blame anyone outside of them.
Not thirteen, not Simeon, not Raphael, not Luke. No one else knew except Barbatos and Diavolo.
Most importantly they will never forget the words that left Calypso's mouth. Quiet, trembling, and honest.
"I hope this day haunts you."
Bows for barb
Damn, back at it with the angst I see.
I suppose the reaction depends on how you think Diavolo and Barbatos feel about an MC being distressed about the events of lesson 16. Er uh... that is what we're talking about here, right?
Just because I kinda wonder if they'd be like well it's not like we didn't bring you back, though! It was all in the name of fixing Belphie's problem with humans!!
Somehow I think that kind of reaction would just make your guy more angry. And they may be demons, but they're not dumb. They'd probably try to act sufficiently apologetic even if they weren't really. OOF now I'm turning them into manipulators a;sldkfjf just disregard my nonsense and you do you lol.
#I dunno they just didn't seem to think it was a big deal#but then again I haven't read that part in ages#obey me oc#bows for barb anon#misc answers
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May I request 💓💝💘 for Ferris, please?
Oh man, phone fling guys. Won't lie I don't know them that well. Literally had to go back and read through his route on the wiki (at least I remembered who he is)
He's kinda funny in a depressed overworked capitalism kinda way (mood), but MAN he needs to lay off his co-worker. Like chill homie dead ass 9__9
Still waiting for all the guys to make it to the main game. NEXT POLL WHEN?!
ANYWHO
💓 - What are some signs they’ve fallen for someone? How do they show their affection?
I think it's just cautious flirting until he thinks there's something back and then it's open flirting with reckless abandon! It really won't be a secret. (but it will be a little bit desperate and horny {again, mood})
💝 - What gestures do they really appreciate? How do you get on their good side?
Honestly anything you can do together to break the soul crushing monotony of his life. Even just those little life adventures like going to a Denny's at 3 in the morning really help him feel like he's alive for once. Also food. Buy him food, cook him food, give him food. He's literally this meme. (I'm loyal if you feed me and I will never leave cause well I need the food)
💘 - What do they find attractive about their partner(s)?
That they're fun. They're just fun! And easy to talk to. And they make him feel so much less alone. It's nice being around them. It's healing. Life sucks but it can be improved with good company.
#bear text#blush blush game#blush blush#bear talks#bb game#sad panda studios#phone fling#Ferris#Ferris blush blush#blush blush Ferris#this is so bad to say but most of the time I wait for blush blush to bring in the phone fling guys to actually make them likable#I haven't really dug the majority of the phone flings (maybe cause they're so spaced out)#(I didn't hate re-reading Ferris' route but I remember being so bored through all of them the first time)#(I think the only one I dug at all was Poe's and low key I think he was about to enter the game by the time I actually even paid attention#to the phone flings)#(dead ass did not care or pay attention to them for the LONGEST TIME)#(but I have been enjoying the more of the main dudes THEIR phone flings have given us so I dunno I'm probably just weird)
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Woe, unfinished, mildly edited, fulfire fic tid-bits be upon you
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Like a magnet, his optics kept drifting back to Misfire's face. His stupid, strangely charming face.
For a short while, after Clemency, it had been that face that haunted some of his nightmares. His recalls blurring the lines between the strange reality of Misfire's hands reaching into him to lock his fuel pump back into the very spot he'd pulled it from, and the fear that just as easily he could pull it out again. They had been bloody dreams. Dreams that had him startling awake, gripping his chest in the vain attempt to close what wasn't open, before spending the rest of the day avoiding Misfire's optics.
But now things were different. Not Misfire's face. No, that hadn't changed much. But Fulcrum's dreams had definitely changed. To say the least of what all rolled around in his processor as he slept nowadays.
Some of those newer dreams had crept to the forefront of his mind as he sat there on the couch, staring as the lights of the screen reflected dully across Misfire's plating in hazy blues and greys.
The lighting made his colors seem muddy and faded, but Fulcrum didn't really care, nor did he care to think what it made himself look like. He was too busy bringing an empty engex can to his lips while he watched the crinkle of Misfire's nose as he barked a laugh at something Fulcrum didn't catch onscreen.
He'd started noticing it months ago, all the ways the silvery mesh of Misfire's face would scrunch up with his emotions. Those little crinkles along his optics and nose when he laughed or glared. The creases indented along his cheeks when he grinned. Fulcrum found himself quietly logging away these little details. Idle notes and observations that had suddenly started piling up in the corners of his processer.
He… He'd never really done that before? He'd never really noticed those sorts of things in other mechs.
The faces and expressions of his past colleagues never seemed terribly important. All the details of every smile and frown were never worth filing away, outside of few notable moments where those expressions reflected his work performance. But besides the smile that meant promotion, and the frown that meant he'd screwed up, nothing else was noticeable. Nothing was worth remembering.
But now the memory of every genuine laugh that bubbled out of Misfire sat comfortably besides memories of warm joyful optics that Fulcrum found himself collecting every time Crankcase cracked a rare half-smile for him, or when Krok placed a reassuring hand against his back, or the times Spinister spontaneously pointed out something odd but ultimately nice about his stupid frame.
He didn't really know why he was doing it, memorizing all these mundane little things, just to have them flit through his processer randomly. Maybe it was because those expressions, those details, felt… comforting? Comforting in such a strange and unfamiliar way. But, a good way. A good sort of strange, much like the mechs themselves.
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He had stared for a long moment, the credits and their rolling tune playing somewhere in the background as Fulcrum stared back. But Misfire was never one for personable silence, even as the sound of some likely long dead Iaconian orchestra filled the room.
"What is it?" He asked, a small chuckle escaping him as he brought a hand to his face, "Don't tell me I've poured it all over myself again."
It had taken Fulcrum longer than usual to unstick his glossa from the roof of his mouth as he watched Misfire run a thumb over his lips, but eventually he had coughed out a small, choked, "No."
That had earned him an odd look at first, but with their fields loose and open, Fulcrum could almost feel the exact moment something clicked in Misfire's mind, as the idle comfortable static he projected in pulsing waves evened out into something openly curious and almost subdued.
It wasn't often Fulcrum felt him that clearly.
Misfire tended to keep his field fairly close, though, maybe not as close as the others did, what with how Crankcase kept an iron grip on his, and how Krok's always held an air of strained control, even when it slipped from him. But still, Misfire's was always hard to read, no matter the reach or depth of his field.
Even then and there, with it loose and unfiltered and buzzing with the engex running through his system, there was an ever present undertone of something indescribably jumbled about him, like too many feelings at once, each too vast and hurried for Fulcrum to really feel or understand.
It always seemed to stir the passive anxiety Fulcrum must've been forged with when Misfire's field brushed against his own. As facing the indescribable vague mess of Misfire felt like trying to untangle a pile of live-wires he couldn't even see.
It was almost frustrating in a sense, the need to try and sort and understand what wasn't even his to begin with. But at the same time it was almost exciting as well. It was like a game, like a puzzle he had yet to solve.
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Finally letting his own can go tumbling to the floor to join Misfire's, Fulcrum had brought a hand to cover his face as he drew his legs up and leaned back against the arm of the couch, trying to suppress the fit as the sly look slipped from Misfire's face at the sounds.
While Fulcrum had laughed, and… snorted, embarrassingly, he had felt Misfire's field change again, brushing something fizzy and almost warm against his plating as Misfire's features softened.
"I'm looking at you," Fulcrum had said then between gulps of air, letting his hand fall from his face as he reached out to poke at Misfire's chest, "Dumbaft."
His finger had lingered over the thick plating there for maybe a little longer than necessary, drawing Misfire's attention as it slid down a little before pulling away.
Looking back up again with his helm angled slightly, Misfire had followed the sight of his hand leaving his plating to where Fulcrum let it fall between them.
"Wow…" Misfire had chuckled a little dryly, "I was gonna make it real easy for you. I was going to say something like, ''Do you like what you see?'' or-… or something like that. But now you've ruined it. Good job."
Meeting Fulcrum's optics again as he pulled his own hand back from Fulcrum's shoulder, he brought it to rest between them as well.
"And you're laughing at me," He said next, faking a small pout as his hand drifted closer to Fulcrum's, "Which totally ruins the whole vibe I was going for really. I mean, it's sort of hard to be all nice and suave-like when you're being laughed at. Total vibe killer. Bit of an ego killer too if I'm being honest. So thanks for that loser, thanks for saying I have a funny face."
With Misfire's fingers brushing distractingly past his own, Fulcrum didn't think before the words stumbled out of him.
"I like your face."
It came out almost matter of fact sounding, Fulcrum's laughter having died down while Misfire complained about it. But at the same time the words felt so simple, they came out so easily, and in a weird way they felt nice to say. But Misfire's optics had widened in surprise, his frame frozen and his field suddenly struck quiet, and despite the engex numbing his usual nerves, Fulcrum felt a sudden pang of anxiety because of it.
The silence in Misfire's field was terribly alien. It felt wrong, and something in Fulcrum spiraled to think he had caused it. But slowly, almost as if it were creeping forward, an odd almost scrutinizing uncertainty fanned outward in a careful wave. Misfire moved with it, leaning closer as he searched Fulcrum's expression for something.
"Oh yeah?" He'd said lowly then, and that sly look returned. But that vague uncertainty didn't fade with it, if anything, Fulcrum felt it strengthen. Caught between what he saw, in Misfire's easy smile and dimmed optics, and what he felt, in the growing hollow distance within their fields, Fulcrum found himself frowning and pulling back.
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Growing frustrated with himself, and wanting that feeling back, he had pushed forward, shifting onto his knees as he reached for Misfire's face before the other could pull away from him entirely.
"I like your face." He said firmly, maybe too firmly. His expression still drawn into a frown as he pressed his fingers into Misfire's helm, brushing his thumbs across the silver mesh he'd been staring so intently at before. "I like your optics, and your nose. I- I like the way you smile. When you really smile, and when you laugh. I do. I'm not lying."
And oh there it was again, that little curl of warmth in Misfire's field. Almost a tangible thing, like a brush of ventilation, but Misfire wasn't venting. His mouth hung open ever so slightly, but no breath left him as he stared at Fulcrum with widening optics.
Spurred on by that tiny bloom of warmth, Fulcrum chased after it with slightly slurred words and clumsy hands as he tried to fix whatever he'd done wrong, hoping with each word that Misfire might soften and smile again.
"I like your expressions, and- and I like your voice," He said, glancing down at Misfire's parted lips, and laughing softly, nervously, as he continued, "Even when you say something so stupid. I like- I like the way it sounds. I like your accent, I like the way it makes your words sound. I- I like your- your mouth?"
Once more that weird but nice feeling settled in Fulcrum's chest. Those simple words felt good to say. It felt like a weight off his shoulders, like an admission he'd been waiting to say. About what and why? He wasn't really sure. But the warmth grew, and Misfire took a sharp vent inwards, and that felt right, so Fulcrum kept on.
"I like your helm," He said with a smile, reaching up to brush his fingers over the jutting finials there, before dropping his hands to settle lightly over Misfire's chest. "I like your frame, the colors of it. I like your-"
Before he could finish, Misfire was surging forward, knocking their helms together and nearly bruising the mesh of their noses as he tried for, and just barely missed, Fulcrum's lips.
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👁👁👍
#just gonna go ahead and share this before i think too hard about it and chicken out lol#idk. this has been sitting unfinished for a while now. but i'm fond of it and keep going back to re-read it. so?? yeah. idk#maybe i'll get around to finishing it. i like writing out all the like. sensory stuff with this. lots of neat stuff to try with em fields#also fulc being a very earnest drunk lol. and mis trying to be all casual and smooth despite balking in the face of it bcs he's a hot mess#i dunno. i think the og idea behind this was kinda turning the reassurance around to mis. just sorta breaking him down with nice words#fulc is usually on the receiving end of comfort and reassurance. not always. but enough so that it had me thinking bout it other ways round#idk. ultimately its like. just slapping mis with a mild praise kink and seeing what happens when fulc just says nice things to him#the bar is so low for them. fulc is like 'i like your face' with conviction and mis is half-way to keeling over bcs. damn. he needed that#my fav flavor of this is just them approaching romance from two drastically different angles. not on the same page. different books lol#mis plays it all like a surface level game. he's just trying to keep things light and airy. but fulc is going right for the kill#also hitting fulc with the demi romantic/sexual beam adds another fun layer to it all-#-this isnt his playing field. but he's sure as hell winning without really knowing why#ok. i've been up for way too long. was on sick dog duty overnight. its like 8am now and i haven't slept a wink lol#so if there's errors or smth sounds off. idk. pretend you didn't see it. ill fix it later. or i wont. idk. toodles <333#(also this is barely the tip of the iceberg fic wise. depending on how i feel bout this after a nap? might share bits of the big ghost fic-#(-cause that ones at like. 24k-ish now??? and thats only the 1st chap and half of the 2nd. its the fulc sees ghosts concept on steroids)#fulfire#my writing
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one thing I dislike is the sophomoric idea that society should, naturally, move towards a completely genderless model. I get where it's coming from, but it assumes an impossible level of homogeneity rather than accepting that - in the infinity of genders that DO and WILL exist - there are some which will take familiar forms and patterns and names.
Like, look, I don't live in the androgynous future ze're imaging. But if I did I would still feel alienated and out-of-place in a slightly different way from the way I felt growing up under gendered capitalism. Because I'm not genderless, and I know damn well that I'd still feel some calling to change... something about myself. Even without words like "woman" or "witch."
It's a nice dream. it might be comforting to some. But it seems like an airy fantasy to me, and not one I can see myself living in.
Obviously I agree that the barriers between genders need to be broken down. Obviously I don't think the traditional gender roles as our society sells them to us are working. But the future I see has more kinds of people and not less.
#random musings#this came up in a zine i read the other night#i mean obviously i won't live to see the hypothetical gender-free future but#i dunno it didn't work out so well in tengoku daimakyou#just trying to keep the kids ignorant of concepts like sex and gender#i can't imagine that if humans stay essentially the same type of creature (they're extremely varied!!!) they'll be able to abandon this ide#gender is a fuck#if it's something that's imposed on you from without#but for some folks#gender is something you can't give up no matter what#not a rational or a logical thing but something deeply tied to identity in a way that can't be cleanly separated#this fantasy then simply supposes that these people are wrong and would naturally fall in line if society simply “forgot” about gender#which i do not agree with. i think new genders will still crop up even if the public is ignorant of the whole concept#even without words or images or examples to express it the idea will come back#unless humans become a very very different type of creature#but that's neither here nor there - we're still talking about human society#so what - should these folks just suffer silently in a different type of society? seems a bit counterintuitive#(personally i'm of the opinion that there are at least as many genders as there are people - but probably more)
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Since I had the pleasure of starting my day with such
I did wanna say that while the Trans Lifeline is great and I encourage people to call it if they need help.
Even months before the spike in use due to the election, I have never had a call go through and always been told it's busy, even trying to call multiple times the same day.
Why I'm saying this is 988, one of the first options they ask is support for LGBT+ people. And they have much more staffing.
So while it's very understandable if you want to try Trans Lifeline first, I heavily encourage calling 988 if that doesn't work instead of waiting.
Before I got into the habit of actually calling when I needed it, I just simply wouldn't call back or try for more help.
I'd call, be told it was busy, try again later and get told that again. One time I waited an hour to message back and forth. But ultimately that feeling like I'd already tried and failed would stop me from trying more things to help myself.
So, if you do need the support, it doesn't need to be a dire situation, and you can't get through Trans Lifeline. Call 988
#skyla.ramble#trans#I dunno how functionally useful this information will actually be#But I had to call before work this morning and it reminded me of before I learned that lesson myself#And feeling like you're able to call is much better#Regardless of what you call though theres a chance you'll basically just be read a script#But thats not always the case and there's only been one time where calling didn't help at all#anyways sorry for this being alot
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when people talk about how allison is the worst and it’s just a list of all the reasons i love her… this world was not built for people like us
NO FOR REAL. Like.
'she thinks she's always right' 'she's so conceited!' 'she refuses to accept reality for what it is' SHE CAN LITERALLY MANIPULATE REALITY. Reality has been RELATIVE to her desire for almost her entire life. Why would she take ANYONE seriously. She's trying SO HARD to be a person these days but that shit is HARD.
'she's vain' yeah she's 1. a child star and 2. the prettiest girl in the world. and 3. its funny
'she's got a weird thing with her brother' I LOVE fucked up dynamics and the writers are cowards for never letting them talk their shit out.
'She wasn't honest with Ray!' what could she have possibly said without being thrown in a looney bin.
'she could've at least told him about her brothers, or her daughter, or literally anything about her life' Allison has, literally, NEVER had to talk about or explain her life to anyone. she's been famous since she was ten. I genuinely do not think she knows HOW to even approach the topic.
'she doesn't use her powers even though it could instantly solve her every problem' this is not a plot hole and you are not smart for pointing it out. This is LITERALLY the central conflict of her character. She accepts that her actions have consequences of her actions exactly once ever and it is so traumatizing she literally stops trusting her own judgement implicitly. Using her power again means opening up the possibility of making a mistake again, and accepting responsibility for her actions ONCE damn near killed her.
'she's so focused on her daughter she's delusional!' the audacity to say that shit if your favorite character is five, the most delusional about his family character ever written. Hipocracy taser. (It's literally her daughter. of COURSE she's the center of allison's universe).
'she killed Harlen without running it by anyone!' I genuinely don't understand this one. She SMUGGLED Harlen out the hotel with Viktor cause the rest of the family had? already voted on killing him? VIKTOR is the one acting against the family's best interest here, and he KNOWS it.
'she knew how much killing Harlen would hurt Viktor!' god forbid women do anything.
'she was mean to Viktor after and refused to make amends' Allison doesn't think she did anything wrong (see above) and thinking she DID do something wrong is like, a paradigm-shifting thing for her on the single occasion she's ever done it (see above). Why would she apologize?
Everyone MUS understand. Allison spent TWO SEASONS doggedly dedicated to self improvement and being a good person and loving her brothers, and WHAT has it done for her? Wrought heartbreak and ruined her life twice. Her happiness and reality have gone hand in hand for her entire life where everything that WASN'T handed to her was taken with ease, and have now been made fundamentally INCOMPATIBLE (she can't have her brothers, Ray, AND Clair. she can never have everything she wants again no matter how hard she tries and how close she got). Her arc was literally the ONLY thing I liked about season 3. She should have killed MORE people, if anything. She should've killed Sloane and/or Ben just because it would piss people off. I love her so goddamn much and I support womens WRONGS.
#allison hargreeves#tua#the umbrella academy#she's SUCH a good character. if viktor didn't want to get read for filth he shouldn't have been using white woman tears POST TRANSITION.#classic move. I'm just saying Allison does nothing wrong in season 1 but care about Viktor and listen to her dad when she was 4. and Viktor#cuts her fucking throat and almost kills her for it. But allison rumors him to cut his shit out for FIVE MINUTES and suddenly the fandom#hates her. i dunno. i dunno! smells a little racist is all I'm saying. something stinks here and it's NOT Allison!#(I love viktor too of course. no hate for any of the siblings they're all SO much fun to think about. make my brain buzz)
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