#i dont want to relapse but the urge is their

[francis-mulcahys-angels]

Im sorry for not being that active recently(and i probably wont be that active for 2ish weeks)

Its just hard to feel like a person sometimes and my home life is a wreck and im at a breaking/turning point where i truly dont know anymore

[ceolocunt]

[lqnar]

it’s not going well w like anything tbh

[https-milo]

DABI INSTA PLLSSS

yeah ok guys I hear you

DATING DABI INSTAGRAM !!

details!

instagram posts w/ comments while dating dabi!

a/n OBVIOUSLY these are just pictures off of interest, reader can be however you imagine !

(guys im going to be so honest, I haven't really watched MHA past like season four so ermmmm yeah!) (this one was actually kinda cute, like I wanna make a spinoff oneshot :(( )

main m. list / instagram m. list

blah.blah.y/n · 71w

33 likes

liked by: himiko.v4mp, tomura.shig, twicenottwice

blah.blah.y/n he said "I can do this without a lighter" but I didn't want our apartment to burn down <3

dabi wow you have no faith in me. kinda thought you loved me.

blah.blah.y/n dabi yapper, yapper. you know I love you, I just don't love paying for repairs xo

himiko.v4mp good call!! :33

blah.blah.y/n himiko.v4mp thank youuu!! <333

tomura.shig euh you two make me sick.

dabi tomura.shig watch it.

dabi · 67w

7 likes

liked by: himiko.v4mp, twicenottwice, stainismyidol, compressed.marbles

dabi look what her psycho ass got me

tagged: blah.blah.y/n

blah.blah.y/n literally be quiet. you love that shirt and mug.

dabi blah.blah.y/n doesn't change the fact you're crazy.

blah.blah.y/n dabi crazy about you 😽😽😽

tomura.shig kay why ess

blah.blah.y/n tomura.shig someones a little jellyyyyy

blah.blah.y/n · 65w

29 likes

liked by: tomura.shig, himiko.v4mp, big.sis.magne, twicenottwice

blah.blah.y/n my sister trusted us with watching my nephew. safe so say she picked the right people :,) <3

tagged: dabi

dabi i've never been caught lacking like this.

blah.blah.y/n dabi yap yap yap. you look so cute

offical.hawks blah.blah.y/n yeah dabi, you look soooo cute

dabi offical.hawks actually kys, birdbrain

offical.hawks dabi only if you'll help me

blah.blah.y/n offical.hawks GET YOUR OWN MAN YOU BITCH.

himiko.v4mp you guys should have one ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

dabi himiko.v4mp dont give her ideas.

blah.blah.y/n dabi rude. but as much as I would want one, neither of us are home enough to take care of a baby + ur job would make it dangerous

dabi · 60w

8 likes

liked by himiko.v4mp, tomura.shig, twicenottwice, big.sis.magne, compressed.marbles

dabi after a really long, long talk with y/n and shig, I've decided to leave the LoV. It's been fun and, even if I hate to say it, I'll miss you guys. In other news, my girl is pregnant so yay

tagged: blah.blah.y/n

blah.blah.y/n :( ilysm you dont know how much I appreciate you

tomura.shig whatever. be safe and let me see the baby when it's born.

blah.blah.y/n tomura.shig AWWWW I ALWAYS KNEW YOU CARED!

tomura.shig blah.blah.y/n shut up.

himiko.v4mp we're gonna miss you patchwork :((( I wish you and y/n well!! (I better be the godmother)

dabi himiko.v4mp ill miss you too shit head

blah.blah.y/n himiko.v4mp obviously youre the godmother!! my fave future auntie <33

big.sis.magne take care of yourself. don't let y/n do too much work, you brat.

dabi big.sis.magne yeah, yeah. I hear you.

s.todoroki um????

blah.blah.y/n s.todoroki unc shoto 🙏🙏

fuyumi.todo how is touya the first to have kids.

dabi fuyumi.todo tf is that supposed to mean.

n.todoroki IM GOING TO BE AN UNCLEEEE you better be treating y/n well 😤😤😤

blah.blah.y/n n.todoroki dw natsuo, i keep my man in check !!

blah.blah.y/n · 2w

28 likes

liked by: himiko.v4mp, tomura.shig, fuyumi.todo, s.todoroki, n.todoroki

blah.blah.y/n its been a while!! me, touya, and our precious boy are doing better than ever <3 thank you guys so much for all the support this past year and so. Even if he won't say it, touya is grateful. (p.s. you guys don't always need to spoil our son)

tagged: touya.todo

touya.todo sappy on main

blah.blah.y/n touya.todo 🤩 shut the fuck up 🤩

himiko.v4mp anything for our angels!! (+ touya)

touya.todo himiko.v4mp everytime we interact, i get the urge to relapse my killing sobriety

fuyumi.todo ahhh im so glad you guys are doing well!! i love you three 💕💕

s.todoroki did you guys get the packages I sent?

blah.blah.y/n s.todoroki yes sho, all 5 of them

tomura.shig good to see you guys alive and well.

blah.blah.y/n tomura.shig stfu, come visit your nephew

tomura.shig blah.blah.y/n ...coming

rei.himura my beautiful son with my amazing daughter-in-law and my adorable grandson... i hope you guys will visit me someday

touya.todo rei.himura of course ma

blah.blah.y/n rei.himura we'd love to! Our baby would love to meet his grandma <333

© https-milo. please do not repost, steal, copy, or modify my works!

Thank you so much for reading <3

[sukiipjs]

✮ I DONT WANT TO

°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•

↳ nick sturniolo x masc reader

↳ words - 866

↳ summary - nick coming over to help you not give into the urge of relapse. (short little thing 👽)

↳ contains - crying, much talk of self harm, depression, use of y/n, pet names (baby), idk

↳ song - candy by alex g

°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•

°:. *₊ ° . ☆

my breath begins shaky, i sit on my bed, leaning against the headboard, banging my head back against the wall. my hands cover my mouth as i try to catch my breath and be quiet as tears stream down my face.

i don’t know what’s happening, the urge is just getting stronger. two months clean, two months, i don’t want to start this over i’m doing so good.

i lean my head down, taking my hands off myself and gripping them into my hair. my knees are bent up by my chest. i try to keep the thoughts down but i know there’s a blade right beside me, so easy to just grab. but i’ll regret it tomorrow, it’s not worth it, i keep telling myself.

my shirts off, my left arm of healed scars out in view. new ones could come at any point, i’d be so easy to do, i’d be so worth it to do… i cry and cry, now banging my head into my knees trying to do anything but give in that bloody urge.

a light finally shines in my head, nick. call nick. i take my hands off me, leaning over to grab my phone… that sits next to that blade. i open my phone, quickly going to call nick, i bring my phone to the side of my face as it rings, waiting for him to answer.

he finally answers after i call him one or two more times, it’s almost midnight so i don’t blame him. “mm.. y/n, you good?” he groans, i hear his blankets shifting on the other side as i try to speak, my voice being caught, being weak. “i- nick- nick please come over,” i manage to get out words, my breaths are short and fast, i wipe my palm on my eyes, trying to swipe off some tears.

“what? why? are you okay? what’s wrong?” he sounds more alert now, more awake as he hears the tone of my voice. “just come over please- i need you okay,” i curl back into myself, knees to my chest, one of my arms wrapping around my legs and the other still holding my phone. “okay, uhm- i’ll be there soon okay? you’ll be okay, yeah?” i nod, though he can’t even see me.

“mhm,” i mumble out, i hear his sheets ruffle again, i assume he stands out of his bed, “here uh, i’ll call an uber and i’ll be out there as soon as i can okay? do you want me to stay on or?” i hear nick still walk around, “you can get off, ill- uh- i don’t know, i’ll see you soon?” i sniffle as nick asks if i’m sure again, but i say i’m fine, i can wait.

we get off and i stay on my bed, waiting for him as i continue crying into my palms. trying to breath, trying to distract myself, trying again, not to give into the urge.

after a few, i hear my door open and nick shout my name. i lift my head from my palms, wiping off my eyes. nick bursts into my room, seeing my crying and panicking on my bed, the blade right next to me on my bedside table. “y/n…” he says softly as he comes onto the bed next to me, quick to wrap his arms around me tightly.

“you’re okay… you’re okay” he say softly, his head resting in the crook of my neck as he slowly rocks me back and forth, one of his hands stroking through my hair. i hold myself onto him too, my head resting by his neck, tears dampening on his shirt.

he moves himself back so he can look at me, “what’s wrong baby…” he asks softly, his hand now on the side of my face, his thumb rubbing tears off my cheek. “i don’t know nick, i just- i don’t want to feel like this… i don’t know what’s happening… i thought i was getting better. i don’t want to nick, i don’t want to…” i cry out, pushing my head onto him again. “shh, you’re okay… i’m with you, i’ve got you. you’re doing the best you can, i know it” his hand brushing against my head, fingers ruffling through my hair more as his chin rests top on my head.

“i- i don’t want to.” my body shakes onto his, his arms squeeze onto me tighter. “you don’t have to okau? i’m here… i’m here for you…” he slowly leans us down, so we lay down on my bed. his arms still holding me as he gives my cheek a kiss before nuzzling his head onto my neck. “i love you so much and i’m here, you’re going to be okay and i’ll help you any way i can.”

i turn to my side, facing nick as i also hold onto him, “i know… and- i love you, i really really love you,” our foreheads press together, as i finally begin to catch my breath more with nick here. we move our bodys, my head beginning to rest on his chest as nick starts falling asleep already, me after him.

☆ °:. *₊ ° . °

taglist : @slutforchriss @mattsleftnipple03 @mattsdinosweater @ccolleenn @mixvchelle @leah-loves-lilies @sturn-wrld @redz0nez9 @cheriematt @freshloveforthefit @nickuniversity @whore4matt @txssvx @teenagetrash00 @matty-bear @venusbabysblog @m0r94n @junnniiieee07 @miloisdone1 @rottingwithglitter @clemlament @tvylorswiftt @krosseyedkori

[tetsuswaifu]

Hellooooo I’m in love with ur kuroo fics 😩 I want to request something but it’s okay if u feel uncomfortable bcs I’ve been going through a rough time with SH and the thought of relapsing always stuck in my head can u do Kuroo helping out his gf that struggles with self harm 🫶🫶🫶

Help Me, Please

word count: 781-f! reader

a/n: hii love! thank you so much i really hope that this helps you cope or find solace in someway. i'm so sorry you are having to deal with that, my heart goes out to you, please dont hesitate to dm me or someone you trust if you need someone to talk to, thank you again for the request, please take care of yourself love 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 have a wonderful day/night !

likes, reblogs, and replies are always appreciated, thank you for taking the time to read my work :)

You sat outside on the balcony floor of your apartment, knees pulled up to your chest as you stared blankly at the city lights below. Tonight, the weight of your emotions pressed down on you like a heavy blanket. The cool night breeze did little to calm the intrusive thoughts you were having. You looked down at the raised scars on your wrists, running a finger over one of the bigger ones. The urge to add more was overwhelming, but you knew you needed to fight it. Taking a deep breath, you picked up your phone, hesitating a moment before dialing Kuroo's number. He picked up almost immediately.

"Hey, beautiful. "What's going on? Can't sleep?" Kuroo's voice was warm and comforting,

"Can you come over," you whispered, "I'm... uh... I'm not doing so well right now and I-uh, need you."

"I'm on my way. Stay where you are, okay? I'll be there in ten," he replied without hesitation, his tone now serious and concerned.

True to his word, your boyfriend arrived swiftly. He let himself in with the spare key you had given him in the past. He found you on the balcony, tears streaming down your face as you remained in the same position. Kuroo heart broke at the sight of you in so much pain. He didn't hesitate to scoop you up into his arms, holding you tightly.

"I'm here, baby," he murmured into your hair. "I'm here."

You clung to him, feeling the warmth of his embrace seep into your cold skin. "It's so hard, Tetsu. I don't know how to make these thoughts stop."

Kuroo pulled back slightly to look into your eyes. "We'll figure it out together, okay? I'm going to be here for you, no matter what." You buried your face into his chest, bawling your eyes out. He held you, whispering soothing words and stroking your hair.

He noticed the faint scars on your wrists, gently taking your hands in his. He pressed soft kisses on each one, "These don't define you, Y/N. You're so much more than this pain. You're so strong, and I'm so incredibly proud of you for reaching out before you did anything." He pushed back a strand of hair behind your ear. "Let's go inside and talk, okay? We'll come up with a plan."

Inside, the two of you sat on the couch, Kuroo never letting go of your hand. He listened to you as you began to pour out your feelings and struggles. He never once interrupted, allowing you to talk about everything you needed to until there was nothing left to say.

"Y/N," he said gently, looking into your eyes, still holding onto your hand, "have you thought about talking to a therapist? It might help to have someone to talk to who can give you tools to cope."

You nodded slowly, the idea of opening up to a stranger was terrifying to you, "I've thought about it, but I'm scared." You gave a small shrug, disappointed in your self.

"It's okay to be scared, baby," he reassured you. "But I'll be with you every step of the way. We can find someone together. You're not going through this alone, that is a promise." He kissed each of your wrists once more, followed by a soft kiss to your forehead.

His words gave you a sense of calm you hadn't felt in a long time. "Okay," you said softly. "I'll try."

"That's my girl," he said, smiling softly. "I'm gonna make sure you're taken care of. We'll take it one day at a time."

You both had spent the rest of the night talking about lighter things, Kuroo made sure to keep the mood positive. "Thank you, for everything you do for me," giving him a peck on the lips.

"Always, princess. I love you so much, Y/N. You have no idea how much I want only the best for you," he pressed another gentle kiss to your forehead.

Kuroo stayed with you until you fell asleep, your head resting on his shoulder. As he watched you sleep, he vowed to himself he would do everything in his power to help you through this. He knew the road to recovery would be difficult, but he loved you too much to let you do this alone. You're his whole world, he would do anything to make sure you were taken care of.

In the morning, you woke to find Kuroo still next to you. His presence was a comforting reminder that you weren't alone. For the first time in a long while, you felt a glimmer of hope. With your loving boyfriend's unwavering support, you knew you could face whatever challenges lay ahead.

[3-dsimp]

First of all, i love your work and you dont know how strong is the grip that your torturer has in my mind (i love it, and you are amazing 💕). Second, if is ok (if not, thats ok) may i pleas have a request for the torturer, i love that he is so protective and loving, but how would he be if reader is also very loving and protective of him? Someone say something or is looking at him in a funny way, boom, reader is infront of him ready to tear a bitch apart, he has cuts in his hands? Bam, reader is putting bandaids and kissing it better, this man is relaxed in the comfort of his couch? Badaboom, reader gets comfy in his lap and shower his face in kisses. I love the idea of this man getting flusstered.

(Flustered? More like getting him sent to the hospital due to a constant relapse on his special condition of simpitis ٩(˃̶͈̀௰˂̶͈́)و And thank you so much!! 🖤)

Somebody get this man an inhaler because he can’t BREATHE. It’s bad enough the poor hitman gets mini heart palpitations at every little affectionate touch from his sunshine. But seeing you in action acting like a protective feral Chihuahua, when he could clearly take on any altercation given his intimidating physique made him absolutely fold like a piece of paper.

Once you had pecked him on the cheek, hugging him goodbye as you said you were headed out to the store to get him more baking supplies.

The Torturer, Moros, stood stiff like a stone statue until you left, waiting in a moment of silence before he let out a poorly contained feverish squeal. Practically crumbling onto his knees from how utterly weak you made him feel. He had the indescribable urge to spoil you absolutely rotten.

Wanting nothing more than to bake you all of your favorites sweets. And fatten up those cute cheeks of yours till you’re looking like a chipmunk on Thanksgiving. (As if he doesn’t already do that enough) His mind was programmed with the mandatory urge to to worship his sunshine like the precious gift that you are.

Through hugs, kisses, and cuddles this simping shy giant was yearning to return every bit of affection you oh so graciously bestowed upon him. But with him being anxious and immensely shy he’d have to pray to whatever god there is. To give him the willpower needed not to implode in on himself from the constant case of shy jitters he’d get just from being near your sweet presence.

Returning to the present he put a huge scarred hand to grip at the fabric close to his erratic heart. Moros was Sweating profusely as he tried not to nearly pass out from the numerous memory recalls of how goddamn endearing he found his darling to be. However, he was failing the skill check on not being an utter simp for you and resorted to gingerly taking out the bunny plushie. You had won for him from a random carnival stand, From out his hoodie pouch.

Treating the cute plushie as if it was you, The Torturer cradled the bunny gently within his muscular arms. Pressing it close to his chest, as his reddish brown eyes looked up at the ceiling. A small bashful smile finding its way onto his full lips while he daydreamed of you, waiting for when you returned so that he could treat you to a full coursed meal of sweet treats galore.

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

some of yall should consider unlearning your superiority complex regarding drugs for real. you can talk about the issues with drugs from production to trade, addiction and social consequences without demonising individual drug users. if you want to be supportive of homeless, mentally ill, prostituted, traumatised and otherwise marginalised women - who obviously are not all on drugs but might be at a higher risk - you cant go around and scream about how evil they are for struggling with addiction and substance abuse.

a lot of people with substance abuse issues have started young and often have a family history of drug and alcohol abuse. and if this is the case for you and you didnt develop addiction - congratulations, good for you. if you could just turn addiction on and off, a lot of people would be a lot happier, but fact is that most people with addiction will relapse even if they try going sober, and guilt just makes it more difficult to stop.

if i have to see one more feminist comparing drug use to watching porn i will go feral. porn is harmful to the people in it and women as a group, drugs are primarily self harm. which is an issue but not a moral failure. a lot of porn consumption is literally getting off on violence, the product is the harm done to others, meanwhile buying drugs - like many other products under capitalism - is supporting a system that sadly exploits the most vulnerable without enacting or even engaging with violence yourself. and additionally, a lot of women exploited by the sex industry are on drugs. now what? they are the same as porn consumers? fuck off.

of course it is unethical to buy drugs when it directly supports gang violence, and i understand that someone whose home and people they know have been destroyed by drug use or the drug trade doesnt have the patience for drug users, but its also extremely oversimplified to think these issues will be solved if people just stopped buying drugs. 

blaming drug users for gang members raping and murdering women as a feminist is fucking wild. a woman smoking a joint is responsible for a gang member sexually assaulting another woman? like okay. people also dont need chocolate or coffee which is produced under infamously exploitative conditions with no regard for human rights, should people stop buying that also, or is it more useful to the workers to establish fair trade and urge governments to force corporations to adhere to human and workers rights? what good is it to coca farmers to demonise drug users when gang violence is a result of systemic destabilisation of governments and poverty in production countries as well as the war on drugs, which is directly supported by the demonisation and stigmatisation of addicts?

and dont get me started on gendered aspects of gang violence and how masculinity and machismo play into it. if gangs dont sell drugs, they go more into human and sex trafficking, weapons, and other shit, as long as corruption and poverty are not alleviated. the local drug dealer is also just trying to get by and make cash in a rigged system.

in my humble opinion, legalisation of production, trade and consumption would help both the regions where its produced and the people affected and exploited in the drug trade as well as addicts because a fair trade, workers rights and unions and so on could be established, and money saved on persecuting drug dealers and users could go into rehabilitation programs, and taxes could be used to support everyone involved. resources wasted on the war on drugs could be used to fight remaining gang activity. and so on!

drug use in dedicated places and moderation just like alcohol is not the issue, the issues are one: the production and trade, which is illegalised and criminalised and because of this in the hands of brutal gangs (while other products under capitalism are in the hands of unregulated corporations who care as much about human rights and dignity as gangs do); and two: addiction and other consequences of substance abuse like lowered inhibitions and the link to domestic abuse and other violence, which is also not helped when drug users are stigmatised and buying drugs is criminalised.

i completely understand if you personally take issue and voice criticism of buying drugs especially towards privileged westerners as someone from a country of production, all im asking is some more nuance and as a feminist, compassion with women who have substance abuse issues. no need to coddle anyones feelings, but most addicts - especially women - already feel bad about struggling with addiction and frankly dont need women telling them what a terrible person they are for it, or be told they are just like people who get off on sexual violence.

[loveroffictionalmen]

hey i have a request and its fine if you dont do it cause its a little different to your others! y/n is in a movie with scar, lizzie and flo, y/n sh’s but the others dont know that but one day they see the cuts on y/n’s wrist. i lovee your other oneshots btw

One Day At A Time

Pairings: Scarlett Johansson x gn!reader, Lizzie Olsen x gn!reader, Florence Pugh x gn!reader

Description: After a long day on set, y/n doesn’t notice their scars are visible.

Warnings: TW DO NOT READ THIS IF IT WILL MAKE YOU RELAPSE!!! self harm, mention of scars, angst, lots of comfort.

Words: 900

Prompt: Person A has scars and person B finds out about them

A/N: First of all, thank you for the love, I truly appreciate it! You all mean so much to me! I hope you enjoy, and like I’ve said before, my DMs are always open <3

It was weeks, nearly days since y/n had last self harmed. In all honesty, they were doing better than they had in a while. Since being cast in the up and coming Marvel television series, a spinoff of the Avengers, they had felt better. Happier.

They were with some of their best friends. Scarlett was like a mother to y/n, Lizzie and Florence were like sisters. They had become a family, the four of them. And since they were so close and spent so much time together, y/n barely even thought about self harming.

Of course the urge would come back once and awhile. But that wasn’t the problem. It was the scars. Y/n’s scars weren’t the freshest, but they were definitely still there. Their makeup artist who had been with them since the beginning knew how to cover them up, so no one else on set really knew about y/n’s scars. And it wasn’t like y/n’s costume was extremely revealing anyways.

Y/n sat in their trailer, finishing up their hair and zipping up the last bits of their costume.

“You almost ready babes?” Scarlett knocked on the door of the trailer.

“Yeah! I’ll be out in moment!” Y/n called.

“Good! We got you coffee,” Y/n could practically hear Florence wink.

“Thank you!”

When y/n had finished getting ready, they opened the door to their trailer and was greeted with three smiling faces and four cups of coffee. And a croissant, of course, Florence’s favourite.

“Director wants us in the studio by 8, if we run we can make it.” Lizzie said.

“Jesus Christ, why did no one tell me? Its 7:57!” Y/n’s face went pale.

“Run!” Florence yelled, taking off into a sprint, completely forgetting to give y/n their coffee.

Y/n looked down at their phone. 10:37 pm. They had been on set for nearly 15 hours, and all y/n wanted was to go back to their hotel room and sleep. Y/n barely noticed the lack of makeup on their forearm when they and the girls were walking back to their trailers.

“I didn’t know they added scars to your character. When did they do that?” Lizzie asked out of the blue, nodding towards y/n’s arm.

Y/n cocked their head for a moment, confused as to what Lizzie was talking about.

“Wait yeah, those are badass!” Scarlett added on.

The four reached the trailer section of the set. And it hit y/n. They were talking about their self harm scars.

“I-” Y/n started, too shocked to be able to form a sentence. Florence’s face was the first to drop. She smacked her hand over her mouth and whispered a muffled, “Lizzie.”

Lizzie realized within a split second, as did Scarlett. Scarlett was the first to speak.

“Oh baby, c’mere.” She said, holding her arms out for a hug. Y/n stood for a moment, then collapsed into Scarlett’s arms. Florence and Lizzie enveloped y/n in a big hug and the four were silent for a minute.

“I’m so sorry, y/n. If I had known I never would have said anything” Lizzie said when they broke apart.

Y/n stayed silent.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Florence said, taking y/n’s hand in hers.

Y/n was still silent. Then they took a deep breath.

“I don’t know. I just, I struggle sometimes. I’ve never been like, officially diagnosed or anything, but,” Y/n looked at their faces. Each one of them was focused entirely on them. “I just feel like there’s no way out sometimes. So I...” Y/n trailed off, gesturing to their arm as a conclusion to their sentence.

“Oh hun, I’m so sorry you have to go through that. That’s awful.” Lizzie said.

“It’s okay.” Y/n said, tears threatening to fall from their eyes.

“No, it’s not. You shouldn’t have to go through that. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, let alone a beautiful soul like yours,” Scarlett said. She took y/n’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “We’re here for you love, no matter what.”

Florence had stayed silent the whole time. It was confusing to y/n, Florence usually was the most supportive out of the three girls.

“Hey guys, can I just talk to y/n alone real quick. We’ll meet up with you after.” Florence asked.

“Yeah of course, we’ll see you back at the hotel?” Scarlett said.

Florence nodded, watching the two girls leave and then turning her attention to y/n.

“I understand how you feel.” Florence said.

“Thank you,” y/n said, not really realizing what Florence was really saying.

“No I mean, I really understand.” Florence stayed silent and looked at y/n. Y/n searched Florence’s eyes. And it clicked.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” Y/n said.

“Why? It’s been ages and I’m not ashamed. They’re my battle scars. I know it sounds cliche, but I went through a lot a couple years ago, and I like to think of them as a sign that it gets better. How long has it been?” Florence explained.

“Two weeks,” Y/n said.

“Two weeks is amazing y/n!” Florence watched as y/n smiled sheepishly. “Look, I’m not going to tell you to come to me whenever you feel like doing this, or tell you to bring me what you use or whatever you’ve heard before. Just take it one day at a time. Okay?”

“Okay.” Y/n said.

“I love you, y/n. We all do.”

[libbee]

Rising like the phoenix

🌸 Especially for 8th housers.

🌸 So far we know that 8th housers are traumatizing placements. We know that they meet bad people in life. We know that they face unpredictable life events. We know that they are prone to neurosis. We know that they build themselves up from the ashes. Especially after rock bottom. They yearn for the person they were before. The naive emotional and carefree person. The person who never thought twice before taking a decision. The person who was so careless with their heart and emotions. The innocent. The child. Too gullible. Too trusting. They yearn to be that person again because it just felt so good in past, before they were aware of masks, hidden colours of people and ulterior motives.

🌸 What I want to talk about is CODEPENDENCY. If you are in a mental state to understand this, the reason why bad people came into your life was because you were a codependent. A bad one at that. All of us are influenced by the energy of the people we surround ourselves with. Energy and emotions are infectious and contagious. Given the 8th house placements their emotions are already extreme and when something good happens (a new friendship or relationship or even going to grocery) they are really very pretty seriously happy. They are happy in their bones and soul and cells and every atom in their body. That is just who they are. So when the betrayal and shock happens, it hits them hard like every atom in their body is collapsing. This is why they are transformed deeply after every betrayal.

🌸 But what does one have to do after rock bottom? You are in neurosis. You know you have to change your attitude towards life. You have to change your habits. You have to change your emotional reaction. It takes time, I know, it can take years. It is not easy to heal for 8th housers. But you should know what you are doing. You are healing your codependency issues. The person you yearn for was a codependent person. For every narcissistic sociopath there is a codependent. As simple as that. You were codependent because you lacked self worth. your self esteem depended on the words, opinions and judgments of other people. Your mood depended on the mood of other people. You let others take decisions for yourself. I am not victim blaming but it is to understand who you were before. Life has given you an opportunity to fix your codependency issues. You dont want to become a codependent again. Do you?

🌸 An infantile and immature childish codependent person you were living in a womblike state chasing a paradise. 8th house/scorpio/pluto are very bold teachers. But rest assured they will bring to your consciousness your own hidden flaws. In a toxic family line there are abusers and abused - both are magnets to each other - for every narcissist there is a codependent. You might think "I am not codependent, hell naw" but you are. Just dont be in denial. This is the silver lining in your neurosis.

🌸 Healing from codependency is not sunshine and roses. It is not aesthetics. It is not fruits and flowers. It is simple learning and practice. Learning from your mistakes. Learn from youtube, internet articles, books, write, journal, record yourself speaking in voice notes, make videos of yourself, it is about learning skills. Social media makes it look like healing is pretty and beautiful mess. But it is not like that. It is taking 3 steps but slipping 2 back. It is relapsing to old patterns. It is sudden insights and intuition. It is running in circles and ruminating. It is exhausting and tiring and frustrating. You just want it to be over so that you can start living your life like a normal person.

🌸 You are now a wounded healer. A wounded physician. A doctor without a degree - doctor of souls. You feel an urge to help others. Heal others. Like Chiron who could not heal himself but healed other people. Only a wounded soul can heal another soul. It is an experiment. Dont confuse that you be a saviour complex and put yourself in trauma again. But it is to make authentic connection with another soul and do your project together. Perhaps it is now your destiny to merge with other because your poison is your medicine too. This is why all 8th housers are pulled to occult, shaman, astrology, psychology because they want to heal others. It is their task. Their presence is now calming. They are a wise person. If you are 8th houser and you healed some major trauma you know that the only way out is to accept your wounds. To accept your flaws which in this case is codependency issues. It will make you feel powerful over yourself. You wont feel helpless powerless and hopeless. You have to diagnose your spiritual illness that is codependency. Simultaneously, you live a private life. Away from social media and make believe. It is a typical pattern. Just know you are not alone.

[mutant-munchies]

CW topics of self harm

I don't post a lot of art including self harm, and I mostly don't out of fear. But i do not and never have supported or glorify self harm, I think that promoting that is disgusting and unhealthy and I dont want to associate with people who think it's "hot". I do struggle with self harming myself and have suffered with relapse and the really overwhelming thoughts of doing it and I wouldn't want anyone else to do it. I include self harm with my art as an outlet and to help with those urges and thoughts, especially with my TMNT interation is very comfoting to me and i do recommend people use that as an outlet over actually self harming, or at least try it. " But that weird/gross" my old therapist said that it's a healthy/good coping mechanism so kiss my monkey ass/p

[cute-grave-robber]

I dont want to go into horrific detail so I wont but Im still going to put self harm talk under the read more. Deranged girl dash tonight I see you all! We're so normal up in here

Literally my primary indicator that my meds arent working anymore is if I start having self harm thoughts again. It's actually crazy to think I havent self harmed in my 20s (at least not as extensively or as badly as I used to) because it has been such a long period in my life. Definitely at the very VERY least from the ages of 14 to 19 I on/off (literally not clean for more than a few months at a time) self harmed so this is the longest I have been properly clean since like 14 lol.. honestly I dont know if I will stay clean forever but Im also really embarrassed about my self harm habits like I feel so stupid for doing it but I also did it at times when I felt like I needed to punish myself or just needed to hurt a lot so when I get urges again it's such an out of place and confusing thing to me because I don't feel that way about myself anymore. I have come soooo so so so close to relapsing again I am genuinely astounded I havent relapsed especially the last few months. I am very used to my scars now and honestly they arent nearly as bright or as obvious as they used to be but if I sit and look for too long I start to see how fucking many I have which is both so surprising and not because of how looooong I did it for..... and during late 2019/early 2020 it got really really bad. I cant remember the last time I self harmed or how badly I did it but I have some quite ugly scars that honestly probably should have gotten stitched. Theres quite a few and a kind of nasty one on my shoulder that are all 4 years old this year and I am wearing a dress on Sunday that will not hide them. Maybe I shouldnt be deeping this 6 days before I am supposed to wear that dress but honestly I dont think anyone will notice them they are quite faded, it'll be dark, and like nobody is looking anyway LOLLLL

[don-forever]

Semen Retention Guide

How to quit porn

Written 2022 - 2023

Below is a guide to help you better understand your addiction and help you quit porn for good.

Find Peace. †

-------------------------------------------------

Pre

*Nothing is scientifically proven and is just my experience

*Document subject to change

*I kept track of every relapse for about 6 months to gain data, and recorded my mindset during the first few weeks of retention to better understand addiction and what causes relapses.

How to Start

Planning ahead (in my experience) is more effective than starting immediately. I find that planning ahead gives you time to come to terms with the End. Plan retention 1 week ahead for best results.

Tip: If you keep planning ahead then delaying it saying "I'll do it next week" then it means you dont WANT to get better. Dont lie to yourself. Make your decision certain.

Triggers

Instagram and Other Social Medias (uninstall)

Uninstall instagram for good.

Dont install instagram to text women. It leads to overall desire, which leads to porn use when these desires aren't met.

Uninstall all social medias. The internet has become lusty.

Mindless Socialization

Mindless communication is the act of texting people with the sole purpose of avoiding solitude. Before texting, ask yourself what are you trying to gain from the person you are talking to. Mindlessly texting random people you are attracted to will not fill your void. It will only make you horny which will cause you to masturbate OR will lead to sex, which will turn your porn addiction into a sex addiction (which is way worse). Once the sex stops the porn addiction will return.

Socializing should be pure. In person. Authentic. One must be comfortable and in love with themselves before searching for love outwardly. Socialization should be healthy and not be centered around sex. Socialization should not be used to fill a void.

Some women will not have your best interest in mind and talk about sex even though you are on retention. Beware of this.

To insure your intentions are pure it is best to wait at least a month before texting women to avoid relapse from lust, rejection, or unmet expectations. Or only limit socializations to in person communications.

Explicit Content (stay off explicit sites)

Avoid / Remove anything that can lead to relapse.

Lack of Sleep / Energy

Willpower is exhaustible. Strength is exhaustible. Sleep early / Eat healthy to get the energy needed to withstand the battle.

Most of my relapses occurred 2am - 5am. I should have been sleep.

Boredom (preoccupy self)

When there is too much time on your hands, there is nothing stopping you from masturbating. Exercise, Take walks, Sit with family, Etc. To preoccupy self. Create a healthier routine.

Days where you know you will have a lot of free time, create a schedule or have plans set aside. The less you plan ahead the more likely you will have free time on your hands. The more free time, the bigger the urge to masturbate.

Tip: Plan some things in public. It gets you out the house and out your head. It gives you a sense of what life really is.

First 4 weeks are hardest (in my experience).

Meditate more frequently and pray more frequently. Take walks more often. Be in public more. Sleep earlier. Cold showers. Hobbies. Fight through.

Lustful thought

Lustful thoughts are like seeds.

If you look at one person lustfully, it may not do much. But, as time goes on and you get more horny, that seed will grow into something much more. The more seeds you plant the less likely you are to win.

Keep your mind away from lust or you risk having those same lustful thoughts reemerge in the future when you lack the willpower to overcome them.

Do not think lustfully at all.

A crack in the dam will cause the water to spill in due time.

Keep your mind seedless.

Keep your dam without cracks.

Wet Dreams

Wet dreams do not count as a relapse. Days after wet dreams (in my experience) are some of the best days. In my research I've found that I was most social after a wet dream. I felt a renewal. This may not be true to all people and the renewal may not come after every wet dream.

Side note: When horny do not try to force a wet dream. Do not look at lusty things before bed. It will not lead to a wet dream. It will only plant seeds. Horniness doesn't increase chances of wet dreams. Wet dreams occur on a biological clock (Mine are about once a month). Horniness caused by trying to force a wet dream will only plant seeds. Too many seeds and you will be plagued with horniness and your chances of success when plagued are near 0.

-----------------------------------

EVERY TIME I relapse I write down the specific reason so I can know what my triggers and weaknesses are. I write down my emotions before relapse to better understand what thoughts lead me to relapsing. I also write down the time i relapsed to better understand when I'm more susceptible to failure. I recommend you do the same. It's very helpful.

Sudden Spike

A sudden spike is a random surge of horniness.

Upon these spikes, one must immediately release them in a healthy way.

(Cold shower, Taking a walk, pushups, etc.)

The bible says: "Run from temptation" So upon being tempted, get rid of it immediately.

I found that these spikes only last 10 minutes or less, so stay mindful of that before you do anything drastic.

I also found that

1) constant and consistent exercise, meditation, etc may reduce the intensity of spikes one will have. (Due to the energy that leads horniness being used before it reaches high levels.)

2) the less amount of lustful seeds planted, the less spikes one will have.

Less seeds planted = Less spikes

More exercise = Weaker spikes

Overcome Darkness

Anger, Sadness, Fear, Loneliness, Stress, etc.

Along with sudden spikes you may feel long lasting changes in mood or may be more sensitive to the problems in your life. This is good because one must feel to heal.

These inner demons are a main cause to addictions due to our need to escape pain. I have gotten in arguments and then later that day watched porn. Our mood definitely effects our urge for relapse.

This is very important.

Your mood CAN CAUSE your horniness. If someone irritates you that day it is best to take precautions BEFORE HAND. If you are stressed, upset, angry, etc. it is best to take precautions BEFORE HAND.

You more than likely WILL get horny soon.

Heal.

Incorporate shadow:

Withdrawal causes negative emotions to occur because they can no longer be suppressed by porn use. When these emotions occur you are more likely to relapse shortly after, if you do not pay attention.

Listen to these emotions instead of running from them. Incorporate them into your being.

Fill the void.

Loneliness:

Avoid socializing aimlessly. Horniness leads to loneliness which leads to desire which leads to relapse when desires aren't met.

Find peace in solitude and in the now.

If you do socialize, it should be in person. Face to face. Learn how to be confident. Learn how to be a functioning member of society. Socialize without lust or expectation of something more. Do not use tinder. Do not use social media. In person socialization only.

Reprogram your mind to real life.

Anger / Resentment:

Speak your truth. Leave once truth is spoken. Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged. God is with you.

Meditate.

Release expectations.

Heal.

Sadness / Anxiety:

Ask the self "why?". Listen and you will hear the answer.

Last Resort

Before last resort you will be given a choice.

Do not lie to yourself when that time comes.

Masturbate with no porn. (Plan B)

Dont masturbate at all, but IF YOU DO, then do it WITHOUT PORN. Porn is a separate addiction from masturbation, so even if masturbation relapse occurs, a porn relapse doesn't have to happen too.

Porn badly damages the brain and causes addiction to worsen. Porn must include masturbation habit,But masturbation habit doesn't have to include porn.

Still, do not masturbate at all! This Plan B is a very last resort, only to be used by people who dont want to be on retention anymore. You should remain on Plan A if you want more for yourself.

Upon Relapse

After relapse (no porn) reset streak back to 0 and go on another streak.

Do not masturbate again or you will fall back into a habit and eventually start using porn again.

Plan A

Do not relapse regardless of Plan B.

Do not let the plan B give you a reason to give up on plan A. Do everything in your power to not relapse at all.

I feared putting the Plan B in this document at all because some people will grow soft and say to themselves "I'll do the Plan B because i cant make it through A." Those who rely on the Plan B should beware that Plan B may NOT even work. If you are not deep enough / disciplined enough in retention, Plan B will cause you to want to watch porn again in due time.

It is a slippery slope. Once you lost your Plan A streak you WILL LIKELY watch porn again soon because the incentive to keep going is close to zero. A plan B ejaculation has caused me to eventually watch porn because while masturbating i couldn't help but think about porn.

While one half of me believes masturbating with no porn can be a viable strategy, I also believe it is a terrible strategy for an addict. Its comparable to telling a raging alcoholic who is on rehab to drink a beer. Soon that beer will turn into two and those two beers will turn into whiskey again.

So please dont use plan B if you wish to better yourself. Plan B has failed me multiple times.

Stick to plan A with 100% certainty.

Tips

View horniness as a good thing. Something to be proud of. Something to be held on to. View horniness as VITALITY.

Retention with friends can help or hurt you. Their strengths may become your strengths, but their failures may lead to your failures. Choose wisely.

Don't forget your truth. You will lie to yourself sooner or later. Who will win? Who is stronger?

You may experience vivid dreams.

In ancient alchemy, the philosopher's stone is believed to be a substance that can turn lead into gold and turn humans immortal. This immortality, however, was not the end goal, but a necessary step to achieve what comes next. In the same way, semen retention is not the end. It is a means to it. If you treat semen retention as the end goal you will feel your "benefits" leave if you relapse. Use semen retention as a tool to achieve a greater purpose, not as the purpose itself.

When the body begins to fail get it back in order. The mind is harder to fix than the body so do not let the wreckage spread. If your mind fails and you are confused, keep faith. The spirit is harder to fix than the mind. Do not lose your spirit if you lose your mind.

When I quit porn I had no end goal. No set time. I just said "I'm done." If I said "I'll just go one month", then I would relapse eventually because my heart wasn't 100% dedicated to quitting my addiction. You must be ready to 100% give it all up. FOR GOOD. Until then you will constantly fail. Think about all the negatives. Think about what your life has come to. Think about how much worse it would be if you never quit this habit. Think about how great you will be if you quit. Its all or nothing. Small goals will yield smaller results.

The Key

Christ is the only way out of the darkness. Porn addiction is a demonic attack that makes you susceptible to more demonic attacks. The ONLY way to ward off such demons is through a relationship with Christ. Read the bible. Put on your SPIRITUAL armor. It is impossible to quit porn through your power alone. The spirit of God is needed to ward off all spiritual forces.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand."

- Ephesians 6:12-13

Jesus loves you more than you can ever imagine. No matter how dark your life may feel, and no matter how deep you are in addiction, He loves you regardless. When society rejects you, remember that you are enough for him. He is by your side, and He always will be.

Final

Once the first wall of your defense is broken the rest will break in just a matter of time.

Do not allow seeds of doubt or negativity to seep in. Do not allow your thoughts to stray from the path. Do not question your journey.

Willpower is exhaustible. Without aim, willpower will fail. So, without a REASON to remain strong, the first wall will break. Do not allow your first wall to be broken. Have aim. Have a reason to stay strong. A reason to not fold. Have Something / Someone to fight for. Something to fight towards.

Reach the peak of your existence.

It is your purpose.

Reach for more.

God bless.

Forever.

End.

[im-doing-it-again-but-im-fine]

I feel stupid that at my old age I'm still doing this

I'm 26, I should know better but, there's a voice in my head that always says im fine and that this isn't an ED, i dont have 4n4 and im just doing a fasting reboot or whatever lie i can make up to excuse my own behavior. It's a constant cycle of relapsing and I don't think I will ever get better. I don't want to get better. This is all I can control in my life.

One thing I can say is the older I get the worse I feel when I'm restricting. I was usually as good as new by day 3 and could go for so long. I'm barely 5 days in and its so hard, i have to constantly fight the urge to give in and eat something.

[filmnoirsbian]

we do recover. we do recover. sorry for using an organisation's slogan when i dont know your stance or experience with it but - im right in the trenches of gritted teeth white knuckles want-to-indulge-just-a-bit-but-cannot-and-should-not-ever-again and. from one addict trying at failing again and again at sobriety - we do recover - and relapses don't erase progress. i hope you can ride the urges and be kind to yourself whether you do or dont. lots of love. i'd like to include you in my prayers if you are comfortable with that?

I'm fine with it. Thank you for this message 🖤

[ikuina-takashi]

tagged by @megaphonegirlk you can read their answers here

1. How many works do you have on AO3?  36

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 59,972

3. What fandoms do you write for? currently we write for slow damage, dramatical murder, homestuck, & danganronpa we are also writing a yu-gi-oh duel monsters fic set in the world of sweet pool but it hasnt been published yet

4. Top five fics by kudos (theyre all a couple years old at this point lol)

You Know Better Than To Do That - 266 kudos - danganronpa - komahina - noncon

Taming the Self Righteous Know It All - 203 kudos - homestuck - cronkri - brat taming

He Who Controls the Narrative Doms - 124 kudos - homestuck - blackrom dirkuu

Impulse Control (or the lack of) - 123 kudos - the adventure zone: balance - taako x kravitz - voyeurism

When Sunshine Refuses to Speak - 92 kudos - welcome to night vale - charles x kevin - bloodplay and emotional vulnerability

5. Do you respond to comments? we do our best to! we forget to sometimes or can sometimes take months to reply but we do try <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? just one XD? uhhhhh probably Dripping. It's a heavy hurt no comfort fic where Kevin (WTNV) self harms.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Relapse for sure! The fic starts with Towa (Slow Damage) having flashbacks to his past but ends with him being comforted by Fujieda. It's not the happiest fic we've written, but in our opinion its the one whose happiest ending matters most.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not too often thankfully. One fic in particular (You're Lucky I Love You - danganronpa - komakamu - noncon) brought in several hate comments though. Desire plans to write another fic like it eventually

9. Do you write smut?  90% of what we write is smut

10. Craziest crossover? when we were young we wrote a vocaloid x harry potter crossover

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?  dont think so

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? naur

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?  naur

14. All time favourite ship? oh god OTL uhhhhhhhh one?? ill steal prevs strategy and go for longest shipped: cronkri! their dynamic is still super fun to write as well ^^

15. What’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? oh theres so many... probably the context for our ikuina x madarame fics XD theyre very ooc without it

16. What are your writing strengths?  ignore the last question when we say characterization LOL

17. What are your writing weaknesses? how little we write OTL

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?  not a tool weve found use for yet in our fics

19. First fandom you wrote in?  probably harry potter

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? currently its This Urge Inside My Veins. It's super indulgent and had a lot of love from the Slow Damage community <3

idk who to tag with this one but as usual if you see it: do eeeeeet (if you want :p)