#i dont want to go to the doctors but it's basically everyday now again

[traaumaa]

this migraine is bringing me to tears omg

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

So I hope you don’t mind my rant 🪻

Basically Ive been fighting my undiagnosed issue for years. I dont feel valid enough to call it an ED. But basically I went through a very stressful time years ago leading me to severely restrict my intake and only eat one meal a day which obviously lead to weekly binges. I purged everyday for several months. Lost a significant amount of weight. When the stressor left I maintained my new lower weight . the behavior persisted for years albeit to a lesser extent.

I had come to a place where while self conscious i was somewhat healthy. I ate well and enjoyed cooking and baking. I had treats without worries. I loved dancing and actually had energy to exercise and adored it. I did struggle with a constant urge to exercise though. Id been purge free for an entire year and I have been binge free for a few years

April comes and the stress of that time throws me back into restriction. At first I tell myself its okay. I make an effort to harm reduce and I eat three meals a day. Even with taking vitamins and exercising and losing weight the so called healthy way I have stomach pains and bloating, Im exhausted.

It continues and worsens and I restrict lower and lower. Often skipping a meal or only having one. My fatigue is terrible, I struggle to sleep and my anxiety is out of control. My skin is dry. My stomach gets painfully full easily. I am emotional. I cry all the time. I have sharp chest pains and I am cold. I an constantly dizzy and it is hard to breath when I stand up.

I am barely underweight. But I want to feel better.

Ive already been to the doctor twice but was too afraid to come forward about the restriction. Im going to a cardiologist soon.

Here is the real issue. I lied on the mental helath screening bcs I was afraid of being committted into a psych ward and My pcp recommended therapy. I made an appt and then cancelled. Since my anxiety is now so bad i cant manage i call to reschedule and try it and give it an honest effort.

Just the thought of going made me so upset I began purging again half of me wants to hide my issue from my therapist or cancel and the other half wants to come forward and see about getting help. This is also encouraging me to lose more because i feel i have to be sicker in order to get a diagnosis or be deserving of help. Im also so afraid of being committed or going to inpatient. It is my biggest fear. What do I do ?

I don't mind your rant, anon. It sounds like you're dealing with something really difficult and I think you are indeed allowed to call it an eating disorder.

I can understand your fear around being diagnosed, as it can change your life significantly. At the same time, anon, you will not be able to get help unless you take the steps to reach out for it (and follow through on them!) I know it's really hard and really scary, especially the thought of going to inpatient.

I get a lot of people saying "I feel like I need to be sicker." However, on the flipside, imagine all the people who've done lasting health damage to themselves, who may wish they'd gotten help before they'd gotten as sick as they did! An eating disorder is an eating disorder, and all sufferers deserve the opportunity to get help for the underlying cause of their disorder no matter what stage of ED they're in. You don't have to get "sick enough" to validate the fact that you're suffering. You can validate it to yourself. In fact, let me say it to you, anon. I see you. I see that you're suffering. You are worthy and deserving of help and support. I wish you healing.

(I'd like to add a sidenote here that just because you don't feel you look emaciated doesn't mean you aren't sick. Most human bodies have a LOT of safeguards against weight loss, especially in individuals who have a pattern of restricting, eating again, restricting, eating again...your body can still be struggling and deprived of nutrients even if it's stubbornly refusing to let go of pounds to try and keep you alive. It sounds as though your body is trying to express its distress to you in other ways, but are you ready to listen to it? That's up to you.)

I think you need to ask yourself what self-care steps you need to take in order to schedule a therapy appointment and stick to it. I think you know that the urge to comfort yourself by purging is counterproductive. What other things can you do to self-soothe in a healthy way? What are some small comforts you can use to show your body that you believe it deserves comfort and compassion while you work up the nerve to re-schedule?

When you do go to therapy, perhaps you could write down a script of stuff you're ready to talk about and stick to that script. A good therapist will gently push you but will also let you go at your pace and will not force you to talk about things that you're not ready to talk about. If you don't feel that connection with the therapist you meet, you can always search for another one. Yeah, I know, it's really hard to go through those steps AGAIN when you're already struggling so much. It's important, though. And when you're done, perhaps you can reward yourself with a treat. It doesn't have to be a food treat, if you are not at a point where you can effortlessly enjoy food. It can be any little thing that makes your body or soul feel rewarded, a fancy soap or a bath bomb, some art supplies or a little home decoration. Anything that helps you focus on giving yourself some love without engaging in ED behaviors.

You can go to cardiology, but until you're honest about what's straining your body, you'll only be putting band-aids on a much bigger gaping wound. I mean, still go to cardiology. But I think you know that you need to start treating the disorder, and finding ways to stay out of the disorder when stressful times come around.

I also want to address your fears around inpatient treatment. A lot of doctors and counselors will be willing to work with you around an outpatient treatment plan if you show that you want to heal and feel better and are willing to keep working toward that end. However, some people do end up in inpatient and I know it's scary to end up in a new environment and feel like all your control is being taken from you. But remember, while being able to engage in ED behaviors feels like you're controlling your life, every time you do it, the eating disorder takes more control of YOU. Think about it. You're already struggling. You're engaging in behaviors that take away the energy and time you had for the true joys in your life. You want medical professionals to help you, but you're not giving them the full range of information to help you. Do you feel like you're really in control of your life right now?

If you show willingness to work outpatient, I think your supports will probably work with you on this. However, I cannot 100% promise you will not end up needing to do inpatient. I know that's scary. You're allowed to be scared! I invite you to sit with that feeling and hold compassion for yourself and know that you're not the first person to ever be scared of going into inpatient. You also may have to talk about the possibility while seeking treatment. It's okay to be scared, I hope you know that. That's why I suggested bringing a script to therapy, so you can give your therapist a baseline for what you're able to confront right now. A good therapist will develop a rapport with you so that you feel safe working through scary topics. Healing is not the absence of fear, but knowing you have a safe person equipped with tools to help you cope with fear. Someone who will meet you with compassion, not judgment, and lay out your options for you in a way that you understand.

I wish you the best of luck in this difficult journey, anon. I hope you find healing.

[mejomonster]

One of my favorite anxiety tips i read, was this: if you tend to fear the worst outcome will happen or be very stressed about something (like say going to the grocery store, a party, going to the doctor visit, riding the bus, whatever)

Before you go, take a moment to think out a few things. 1. Think the worst case, that you're possibly fearing, and what you might do if it happened or what consequences it might have. Say you're worried about going to the grocery store. For me, I may be worried worst case they won't have what I need, I'll forget what I need, the cashier tries to talk to me and i royally fuck up what I say, they call me a bitch, maybe I run into an ex at the store who tries to follow me. For me maybe I'd plan to just leave asap if any of those things happen: just go straight home, never go to that specific grocery store again, do my shopping online next time from a different store. Basically I think of what I'm scared of, and what my plan maybe is if it happens.

2. Think of your best case scenario. Really be indulgent, whatever is your personal best case. For me, if I don't want to see anyone, my best case is the grocery store is quite empty and I don't have to look at anyone, everything I need is there and easy to get to AND the Jean jacket I really want is there for sale for like $6 and in my exact size, and maybe when I check out I get complimented on my hair (or the cashier barely notices me). For you, it might be that you get tons of compliments on your cute clothes, everything is cheaper than usual, you meet the love of your life in the baked goods isle and they get your number and ask you on a date, you run into your best friend there and she talks to the cashier for you (if you don't like talking to the cashier), and you get to pet a puppy outside the store (if you like puppies). You can make the best case scenario as awesome as you want it to be. (And honestly you'd be surprised how potentially awesome the actual outing could be... I did my "best case dream scenario" for a vacation I was worried about once and 90% of my unrealistic best case stuff happened).

3. Now think of a realistic case of what will probably happen. Something in between your worst fear and best hopes. For me, for grocery shopping, the realistic case I'd think about would be: I go, some stuff is for sale and somes expensive but I mostly end up spending what I planned, it's a bit busy but no one talks to me because I don't talk to them, if I see anyone who lives around here i dont want to talk to then i just walk away from the area they're in, I get most of what I went for but maybe forget a couple things or they don't have them, I check out and maybe say "have a nice day" to the cashier and feel stupid but I leave and the cashier forgets what I said because they don't know me and see hundreds of people a day. I leave. It's not a super great time but it's not super awful.

When you actually go, the realistic case you thought of is the closest to how it will probably actually go. The realistic case is usually something that can be gotten through. (And if you thought of worst, best, and realistic cases, and the realistic is still "i get physically hurt badly" or "I have a panic attack and have no safe escape and try to kill myself" then it's probably fair to just Not Do it even if people are pressuring you to).

If something worse happens, you might already have a plan for it (my plan is to leave immediately if something I really dislike happens and pick a different grocery store in town in the future), if something better happens (like if you love puppies and get to pet one) then maybe scary outing had some parts you enjoyed.

This doesn't work for everything. It's helped me with some everyday situations though.

[boldlyvoid]

Hi Em, i know it’s probably none of your business but i feel like i need to talk about it with someone and i honestly have nobody else to talk to :( i sent you an ask about thinking maybe im autistic like two years ago (late 2020 ish) and i cant find it again but basically ever since your answer i cant stop thinking about it and i honestly havent been to a psychologist bc im scared maybe she’s going to confirm it to me. I have been reading about symptoms and watching people talk about autism and i relate with so many things they say so idk, it gives me so much anxiety and im honestly so scared.

Also i hope this doesn’t trigger you but i talked to my mom about it and she was like ‘lol you’re definitely not autistic, you graduated from college and you’re clever and not incapable of doing things on your own’ and that made me really sad so now idk how to cope with it :( im so upset

the best advice I can give you is that you live in your brain 24/7 you know yourself well. you wouldn't look at your broken arm and think oh it doesn't look like most broken arms so it mustn't be broken. you'd feel the pain and experience it your own way and know that yes, this is broken. you know when something is up. you know when you have nerve pain or when your feelings are hurt. so if you look at yourself and you look at what it takes to be diagnosed with autism and you think, "hey that sounds like me" then that's totally you. you don't need a doctor's permission to say you have a broken arm, you fuckin know when the bone is popped out. so why can't you say you're autistic if you feel so as well?

as for your moms response that's very rooted in ableism but also autism is a hereditary thing, so your parents most likely have some kind of neuro-divergency that makes them see you as quote-unquote normal but that's only because it's their normal too. like my mom thinks its normal to get in her car and drive and not remember how she got to work because she was thinking about too much other stuff... as if that's not an adhd thing? it's totally normal to her... and my dad being able to hear every sound in the house and freak out over the smallest inconvenience is normal and "just man things" and not him becoming overstimulated from his autism....

your parents dont know you as well as you know yourself, if Autism feels like the right diagnosis for you and if you can ease your everyday life with accommodations specifically made to help neurodivergent people, then there's nothing wrong with that. live your life the way that will help you feel the best and fuck anyone who doesn't like it.

if i'm not following you and you want to message me privately, let me know and I'll do that, I'm always here to talk one on one if you need someone

[chronic-gastro-illness-culture]

I'm unable to go anywhere or do anything because of my stomach/bowel problems, and I feel so alone. doctors and hospitals don't help or know what's wrong, and i don't know what to do. I feel like I'll never get to go anywhere or do anything. (I get symptoms like stomach ache, nausea, acid reflux, diarrhoea, or constipation after I eat anything), so I'm unable to go anywhere where I'd have to eat. (so anywhere longer than a few hours.)

do you or anyone else have any experience in this or any advice?

i have been exactly where u r

i developed gerd in the spring of 2023

i made changes to my diet only to find out i have ibs n food allergies - i cant eat a lot of raw vegetables n fruits n nuts bc im allergic to them but i cant eat processed foods bc of my gerd either

so i have a limited diet n take magnesium capsules everyday bc i cant eat leafy green vegetables

but i definitely lived in fear for months n had a lot of anxiety abt eating n also my proximity to a bathroom. i was taking zofran around the clock n would keep a handful of tums in my pocket in case i started to have reflux

i felt like i wouldnt ever be able to enjoy food or the act of eating again. n so much of hanging out w ppl involves eating. i dont think ppl realize how much culture n socialization revolves around food until ur suddenly hyper vigilant abt what ur eating. also how hard life is when each n every meal brings w it the fear n anxiety of experiencing symptoms.

anyways my doc prescribed me anti anxiety meds n a ppi to get the reflux symptoms under control. n she told me to go to therapy. At first that rlly upset me being told my stomach problems were anxiety related n basically feeling like my doc was telling me its “all in my head” bc i knew it was psychosomatic i knew what i was going thru was real

but i started therapy n my therapist suggested i read a book called the body keeps the score by bessel van der kolk n it changed my perspective on the whole thing.

things like pills diets n exercise can definitely help get things under control- n idk what all u have tried n what all the docs n hospital have given u in terms of tools to work w ur undiagnosed conditions -but understanding the mind-body connection n how ur body holds n manages stress can rlly rlly help when it comes to actually managing chronic illness. bc chronic illness is tied to chronic childhood trauma which is often a pattern thats repeated in adulthood too. doctors can only do so much when it comes to treating the body but they have have no idea how to treat the mind. while i hated my doc telling me take anti anxiety meds n go to therapy initially now im very very thankful she knew that was smth that was behind her scope n so she sent to someone who knew how to give me the help i needed. bc if i hadnt gone to therapy id still be stuck at home locked in a prison of fear.

i go out to eat now. i had movie theater popcorn for the first time in 2 yrs last month. i can eat a greasy fast food cheeseburger. these things i only indulge in once a month bc i dont want my gerd symptoms to come back again but they r things i can do.

n bc ik n understand my own stressors ik how to prepare for things like that to keep my gerd n ibs managed. ik to make sure i only eat a gerd safe diet during times of stress n to avoid the greasy processed foods bc ill be more likely to have reflux then.

recovery rlly is a long journey n the medical field rlly is incompetent when it come to chronic illness. i wish u the best of luck on ur journey n i hope u get some relief soon 🙏

[shigarak1slut]

Hello! I saw your requests were open, and wanted to request something for Bakugou? I was thinking, there's hcs about why he doesn't want to hold your hand, in case he accidently sets off his quirk. But could you write something for if he did set o his quirk by accident, and he injured you holding his hand? Not enough to do serious damage, but it still really hurts? If you can't don't worry! Thank you for reading this! Love your writing btw, it either makes me super happy or I cry for days💀

Hii

I've never read this hc it's so sad

So I had to do it

Hope you like it

Dating bakugo was great . No dating bakugo was fantastic. This boy seemed like he knew how to do everything right all the time .

But even though you guys were dating for seven months now and you had all ready explored each other body multiple times he still insisted on not holding your hands.

"Come on Katsuki just hold my hand just for five minutes." You plead almost everyday but the answer was just a plain "No" from him or a "I dont like physical contact" .

The second one did seem like an excuse since he would all ways find a way to touch you. Shoulders touching ,you sitting on his lap , putting his head on your lap after hard days etc

And even though you guys were doing great it always bothered you how he denied holding your hand no matter the occasion . It made you feel unwanted.

One night just before you guys fell asleep overthinking got the best of you.

"Katsuki , do you like me ?"

You asked braiding your fingers together and looking at the ceiling.

"No I spend ten hours a day with you and sleep at your place because I have nothing else to do." He said sarcastically .

"I'm serious. Do you like me ?" You said again

He turned around to look at you but your eyes were still stuck on the ceiling. " Of course I like you dumbass why the fuck are you even asking that?" He said angrily

Why were you questioning his feelings for you ?

"Its- it's just that- Its just that you never hold my hand Katsuki." You said trying to gather all your courage.

"This shit again? I just dont want to,what does this have to do with me no liking you ?"

You sat on the bed and looked at him still lying there .

"Every other couple does, look at denki and Sinsou their hands are basically glued together. You never do it ." The last sentence came out more like a thought to yourself .

"For fucks sake , I dont want to hurt you, okay ? I would love to hold your hand but I still cant control my fucking explosions. What happens when I hold your hand ,get mad and explode ? " He said looking in your eyes .

You sat there speechless " Babe, that's why you dont hold my hand ? This is stupid, I know you wont hurt me."you said looking back at him

"How do you know that?"

"Because I trust you." You said, " I trust you enough to know that you would never hurt me baby." You extended your hand." Hold it."

Bakugo looked at you in disbelief

"Just do it."

He extended his hand to hold yours. You braided your fingers together.

"See ? Nothing happened and nothing will ever happen . Okay?"

"Okay"

This was the scene that played again and again on Katsukis Bagukou mind like a broken film while he was waiting outside of your room in the ER.

And to think how great this day started.You and him had decided prior this week to go shopping in the nearest mall from your house and you were having the time of your lives too. That was until Bakugo heard some not so nice comments from a group of boys next to you.

Look at her she could practically be a pornstar with this body

Im sure shell be good at it too

"The fuck did you just say ?"

How could you be so stupid to trust him ?How could he be so stupid to trust himself ?

He was shaking to the thought that he might have hurt you beyond repair.

He could not believe he did it.

The door opened and a doctor came out .Bakugo jumped off his seat. "How is she ? How is her hand ? Will she be okay ?"

"Hello Mr.Katsuki , I can assure you that your wife is in good condition. Her left hand has a second degree burn that will need some time to heal we provided her with some painkillers and she is resting well at the mom-

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST ASK ME?"

Your voice was heard through the entire hospital.

Katsuki run to your room where he saw a terrified nurse and you fuming from your anger.

"Y/N, is everything ok ?Did something happen ?" Katsuki stepped a little closer to you.

"This man right here has never hurt me in his entire life until today . He would never do it intentionally do you hear me ? So you can stop asking if the love of my life is abusing and maybe get the papers ready cause I want to leave, NOW."

The poor nurse run out of the room

"Can you believe her?"

Bakugo didnt answer he just fell into your arms holding you in a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry love. I cant believe I hurt you , I'll make it up for you okay ? If you want to break up I get it."

You were left speechless with the sudden change of behavior. He was never that touchy in public and he never expressed his feelings,through words at least.

"Katsuki Bakugo get it together. This was an accident okay ? You are not some type of dangerous monster you are my fiance and I would never leave you . Hit me with a thousand explosions and I'll still be here you hear me ? " You looked him in the eyes. "There is nothing you can do that can hurt me enough to stop loving you . Okay?"

"Okay"

"Perfect. Let's leave now before this shitheads try to keep me here forever. Wanna grab a burger on the way home ?"

"Whatever you want shitty woman."

"That's the spirit"

[under-the-cherrytree]

Maybe i shouldn’t request for them this much- but if you do things like this, could i request hcs of the (living) Yugi twins finding out their s/o just woke up from a coma? Of course if this makes you uncomfortable at all then I understand :3

Amane and Tsukasa with a s/o who just woke up from a coma❣︎

Warnings: None

A/n: My computer isn’t working so I had to do this on my phone-

I’m also listening to tiny light slowed so it sounds like Hanako so I’m crying ;-;

AND THANK YOU FOR BEING UNDERSTANDING EVEN THOUGH I DIDN’T CHANGE THE REQUEST AT ALL SHHDJSHDHDJS

ANYWAYS! Enjoy and have a great day or night!

- He thought it was weird that you were absent from class

- He was just slightly nervous a bit but shrugged it off

- But when you weren’t there the next couple days he was really worried

- He decided to visit your house to make sure you were okay

- Of course he didn’t want to intrude that much but he just wanted to make sure his s/o was okay

- Once your parents told him you were at the hospital and just woke up from a coma

- He was shook

- “IS SHE OKAY?!” “HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!” “HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEEN IN THE COMA?!” “WHAT HOSPITAL?!”

- He might have been a little loud but you can’t blame him!

- He’s really nervous rn

- His darling is in the hospital, he needs to be there for them :(

- After a little talk with your parents getting information on how this happened, he will walk the hospital

- Heehee more like run to the hospital

- Like he is faster at running to the hospital than he is in gym-

- He basically force the nurse to bring him to where you were

- Once she finally is at her limit and brings him to you he is so relieved to see you were okay

- If you ask him to leave *poof* he’s gone

- Anything for you right now!

- He just wants you to feel comfortable

- He will literally do anything you want

- He didn’t really want to ask you any questions (which is why he questioned the hell out of your parentals-)

- He doesn’t want you to get a headache or hurt yourself somehow

- He just wants you to rest while you recover

- He would hold your hand and have a nice chat

- He will ask you of it’s not too much trouble asking more questions

- If you say yes… yeah he has a lot more questions-

- You explain to him how you got in the coma, how long you were in there for, and that you would be released soon to go back to school

- How relieved this baby boy is to hear you are fine-

- He would stay at the hospital until the doctors tell him to leave-

- Once he has to leave he will softly kiss you on the cheek and promise to visit you until you are better

- The next couple days he will come with your favorite desserts <3

- Once you go back to school this boy is protective

- Even though you are fine he will still be watch you to make sure you are okay

- He will help you with anything you need as well

- He will be quite cheeky about it after though

- Lightly teases you about it if you don’t mind

- “Now y/n… don’t go leaving me for that coma again okay~? I need you”

- You are absent?

- WHAT!?!?!

- AMANE DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!

- HIS S/O JUST CANT BE AbSeNt WITHOUT TELLING HIM!

- HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD?!

- “Tsukasa, maybe she will be here tomorrow… you can ask her why she was absent then…”

- WAIT THAT LONG?!

- TOMORROW?!?!

- THATS LIKE…. 133,975,403,738,059,383 ZILLION HOURS!!

- He will ask the teacher

- “TEACHER!! WHY IS Y/N ABSENT???”

- The teacher would tell him about your coma and that you just woke up from it

- S h o o k

- “What hospital is she in sir?”

- “Oh let me write it down, you two are dating after all”

- “Okay thank you… BYE AMANE HAVE FUN IN CLASS!”

- “TSUKASA YOU CANT JUST LEAVE-“

- Yeah he left

- For you! <3

- He would go to the hospital

- And he would go up to a nurse and ask where they keep the people in comas

- After a while, this nurse would finally understand that her looking for you exactly

- Really debated whether they should let him see you or not-

- Once Tsukasa saw you he got so excited

- He just ran up to you and hugged you

- “Y/n!!! Why didn’t you tell me you were in a coma~?”

- “Well Tsukasa… the writer is 98% sure telephones weren’t invented yet so I couldn’t call you…”

- “What?”

- “Hey why aren’t you in school?!”

- “DONT CHANGE THE SUBJECT-“

- (Sorry for breaking the 4th wall there-)

- He would be the type to lay in the hospital bed with you even though he isn’t allowed

- So whenever the nurse would come in he would duck his face under the covers or quickly get out of the bed causing him to fall on the floor

- You aren’t looking this nurse

- She just isn’t being payed enough to stop you two

- He will chat with you all day trying to cheer you up

- He would do silly things around the hospital just to make you smile

- The doctors would literally have to kick him out-

- He would try to hide somewhere so he doesn’t have to leave

- Once he gets caught and dragged out he pouts and says his goodbyes

- He will visit you everyday after school

- Once you get out he is so clingy-

- Like you two are literally attached-

- “Y/n, did you dream about me when you were in that coma~? Heehee~”

[wizkiddx]

honeymoon morning

Honestly I apologise in advance bcos this is pure sickening, god awful fluff. It’s shit bit fluffy af and warmed my cold heart of stone a little ahah. Kinda imagined that its actress!reader too, but doesn’t acc have to be (oh and for the purposes of the story also married Haz off to the readers best mate). On a real, really didn’t excute the idea the way I wanted but hey-ho. T x 

Summary: the morning after the wedding and there are some beans to be spilt in between all the happiness

The best morning of her life. Y/n knew it would be just that. I mean, it already was - she woke up in the arms of the man she loved, that she could now call her husband forever and ever. Tom looked glorious; still asleep as he lay on his back, slightly tilted toward her side and his arm outstretched as if he was waiting for her to come back to bed and join him. Even unconscious, Y/n still wanted to please him in everyday possible so she did just as he wanted. Tiptoeing from the doorway on their ensuite, she pulled the cord of the white silk robe slightly tighter round her stomach. Before she lay down next to her husband, she smiled gently and pulled her still wet hair to one side, smelling like apples of the hotels free sample shampoos. As if rehearsed, as soon as she settled on the white pillows, ontop of Tom’s outstretched arm, he rolled almost ontop of her, throwing his other arm over her side and squeezed. Y/n couldn’t repress that little giggle his actions illicited, making the brunette around her groan and mumble something incoherent meanwhile pressing his head further into her hair. 

Which made him pull back and slowly blink awake with a scowl. Her hair was still wet. 

“Hi husband” She grinned, loving the way his scowl at being awoken morphed into this shit eating smile. 

“My beautiful wife huh?” Tom tucked a clump of damp hair behind her ear before letting his palm rest on her glowing cheek and just staring into her seemingly ever changing eyes. No matter how many times he looked into them, Tom always managed to see something different and exciting in them. Something else to fall deeply and helplessly in love with. 

“Yesterday was…”

“Everything.” Tom finished off for her, before pressing his lips to hers as she shifted to lean over him. 

“Uh-huh. But now it’s today. Which means… you gotta get up!” She eventually got to the point, sitting up and therefore avoiding his second attempt to meet lips, once again making him pout. 

“Is it too much to ask to just spend a day in bed with my wife?” His wife. Boy did that sound like music to her ears.

“Yes because everyone is waiting downstairs for us at breakfast!”

“They can wait there till tomorrow for all I care.” Indignantly, Tom closed his eyes pretending to go back to sleep.

“And… because I got you a marriage present.” That got his attention. Eyes flying open, as he pushed himself up so he was sitting against the headboard of the big four poster bed, Tom looked quizzically at his wife. His wife. 

Giggling at his oh-so-predictable reaction, Y/n leaned off the bed to pickup the small gift wrapped box on the floor.

“Y/n you really shouldn’t have I didn’t know we were doing this-“

“Oh shut up and open it would you?”

“Unless this is a toy for… you know, then you really should have.” Even half asleep, Tom still had something on his mind.

“Tom! Just open it before you ruin the moment anymore.” She wasn’t really mad. She was smirking and jokingly rolling her eyes at his idiocy. He was her idiot though. With a confused look, Tom followed her instructions, carefully unwrapping the silvery gift paper to reveal a navy blue velvet box. He looked up momentarily to question Y/n, who just gestured for him to open it. Going at a painfully slow speed, he lifted it up to reveal an old and tattered watch. It had a cracked glass front yet Tom could still see the ‘Rolex’ logo branded onto the face of it. 

Not going to lie - he was confused. Y/n knew he already had multiple nice watches he wore regularly. All of those were in better nick than this. 

“I umm-“

“It’s an old Rolex. I thought you could do it up like your dad did for you.” She whispered, with this massive smile just because she knew Tom still didn’t understand.

“Oh I er… I mean I could I’m not sure-“ Tom stammered, she seemed so proud of herself, yet he couldn’t really understand why and didn’t want to disappoint her. To be fair him being a bit slow wasn’t an uncommon thing, Tom would hold hid hands up and admit he wasn’t the smartest. Whereas and completely unknown to most people, Y/n was really really clever, I mean she was nearly going to be a doctor. That was one of the things Tom absolutely loved too, the way she would be able to make leaps and figure things out the average person would just stare at confused. So fair to say, she was used to explaining things to him. 

“You know your Dad gave it to his first born on their eighteenth, your eighteenth birthday. And I thought you could do with all the 18 years because I dont fancy you as a professional watch-fixer.” Tom was still absolute clueless, waiting for more of an explanation. 

“18 years?” The number seeming a bit random but oddly specific to Tom.

“Well you know… 18 years from now when your son or daughter turns into an adult. When they aren’t our little baby anymore.” She whispered, taking his hands in her and pressing it against her ever so slightly bloated stomach. 

And then finally it clicked. His eyes grew impossibly wide, pressing lightly on her silk-clad stomach as he sat forwards.

“You’re pregnant?”

“Tommy we are going to be parents!” She smiled whilst nodding, totally enamoured by the look of sheer joy on his face. 

“This isn’t a joke right?”

“No I swear to you. 12 weeks yesterday.”

“You’re serious? We’re going to be parents?” Y/n just nodded in response this time, before instantaneously Tom’s lips were on hers, pouring all the passion and love and excitement that he could on her. After a few moments they pulled away, yet keeping their faces impossibly close.

“I love you”

“I love you and… well I love them too.” Y/n was so in love with the man in front of him. He just was going to be the best Dad in the world and there was no-one she would rather start this journey with. In complete honesty, yesterday the first thing she’d wanted to do when she saw Tom standing at the altar was tell him. It had been impossible, the last weeks of keeping ‘shtum’. But she’d only found out when she noticed she was 3 weeks late on her period, by which point Tom was away filming. They’d agreed that so they both had a quality honeymoon, to finish any backlog of work before the wedding, so it was a 8 week holiday with just the two of them. It had also made the reunion that much better, having been apart for almost 2 months before the wedding. 

“You want to see them? I had the scan really early yesterday morning?” It was an unnecessary question, as soon as Y/n even mentioned it Tom bolted up like an excited puppy. With a knowing laugh, Y/n then slipped her hand under the pillow to produce the little white card and offering it to him. Tom took the card, while with his other hand pulling her flush with his chest so she was sitting half on his lap. Slowly Tom lifted the front of the card, to reveal the black ultrasound print. For all he knew that could be an ultrasound of elephant dung; but the fact that he had it on good authority it was his wife and baby, Tom swore he’d never seen anything more beautiful. Knowing he was more than hopeless at this, Y/n took him through slightly different blobs on the picture, demonstrating the head, an arm, a foot. 

“Why didn’t you tell me though? You had to do this by yourself?”

“By the time I found out myself you were already in new york and… well its not something to say over the phone is it?”

“Y/n as perfect as this is, you could’ve sent me a text for all I care. I wouldn’t have let you do this on your own! Have you been sick or-“

“Not technically on my own… don’t be mad but Y/f/n was there when I took the test, she was the one who said I should.”

“I should’ve guessed that to be fair” Tom rolled his eyes playfully, of course Y/f/n knew they were basically joint at the hip. She probably sensed it with her best friend powers.

“And yeh mornings aren’t very fun but thats supposed to ease now we’re over the first trimester.”

“I-fuck I don’t know what to say… I just love you.”

“And that is all I’ve ever wanted.” She whispered against his lips before they connected once again. It was just so full of gentle, care and love for each other. The moment was just perfect… until her phone rang. 

Y/n pulled away, receiving an almost whine from her husband, reaching to answer her phone. 

“Hey… yeh yeh I know we are on our way, just had some news to spill… I think he’s happy yeh-“ she giggled, as she watched Tom gently pull back the sides of her robe to reveal her belly. At only 12 weeks, she was barely showing at all but now Tom looked he didn’t understand how he hadn’t noticed last night. “-… I’m not sure let me check hang on” Y/n spoke into the receiver again, Tom already knew the moment it rang it would only be Y/f/n. Only she would have the audacity to interrupt the couple the morning after their wedding. 

“Tom so… I kind of made arrangements just incase, because this is a pretty good time just because everyones here. But I figured you might want to keep it a secret for a bit when its just us that know?” He looked toward the window, apparently deep in thought, before turning back to her. 

“I’m spoiler king right? Might be safest to tell them before I explode.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeh course, you know I can’t keep a secret, one look at Haz and he’ll know something is up”

“Actually he might already know too-“

“WHAT”

[romanceimp]

Pregnant s/o hcs: Mirio, Bakugo, Todoroki, Midoriya, Iida, Tamaki

SFW, just super fluffy 

Mirio:

If you don’t think this man is tearing up when you tell him... uhhh you’d be wrong

He is crying over you and so happy, will kneel and just kiss your tummy 

And when you’re in bed that night going to sleep, every few minutes he will nuzzle in closer and whisper, “hey guess what? We’re gonna have a baby” 

Anytime he says he loves you now he says it to your tummy too 

“I love you Y/n, I love that you are mine and I love that you’re going to be the mother of my child” *bends down* “And I love you too baby” 

He will have a really hard time waiting until the second trimester to tell anyone but once he is able, everyone will know, and he’s going to have a party in your honor. 

He will treat you like a queen, back rubs and foot rubs...

I feel like when you first tell him you’re pregnant he will come home a few days later with a box... when you open it, it’s a maternity dress, and its actually really pretty, with lace and silk, and nice and stretchy... 

“I know you don’t need it now, but I saw it when I was out and thought it would look perfect on you...”

He will compliment you every second of every day, will trace your stretch marks and tell you they make you beautiful because it’s all part of you becoming a mother, it’s a natural tattoo, a reminder of how you’re growing a life inside you

He will want to throw a gender reveal party 

And no, it can’t be as simple as balloons popping out of a box, he’s gotta have something extravagant to celebrate like fireworks, monster trucks, or a paid actor dressed as a baby

You’re having his baby! This is a pinnacle moment in his life and he is not about to have some basic ass party

Mirio is definitely the kind of guy who thinks you can’t have sex because it could hurt the baby, you will have to make a very embarrassing call to your doctor about that... 

He is looking forward to owning dad sandals (who are we kidding he prolly already does)

Bakugo:

This man will shit himself, make sure he is sitting down

“Bakugo... I’m pregnant”

“Hah?” 

“I’m having a baby! You’re gonna be a dad”

He’s really happy and excited, he has no doubt you’ll be an amazing mom but he’s kinda worried about him being a dad... 

Am I fit to raise a kid? Will I be a good dad?

He will probably start working more and almost go on over drive... He will start coming home later, picking up earlier shifts... And when you ask him, “Katsuki, are you not happy about the baby?”  He will kinda break down and tell you “No of course I’m fucking happy about the baby, I just want the world to be safe for our kid... and I only have 8 months till then and-” He drops to his knees in front of you and he’s tearing up. You’ll get onto your knees too and just hug him, “Katsuki, you can’t fix the world before we have our baby,” you’ll look at him lovingly as he realizes how absurd he was being. “But we can prepare to be the best parents we can be...” “Prepare? We’re already gonna be the best parents.”

Okay, Bakugo hypes up the baby too, like...

“Katsuki, come here! The baby is kicking!” *he puts his hand on your tummy* “Baby’s so strong, just like us,” *grabs you and kisses you* “I knew we made a fucking perfect kid”

He will try kill anyone who oversteps the boundary with the bump (like touching the bump without asking)

“OI EXTRA, you wanna take your fucking hands off my woman and my kid or do  I have to do that for you...” 

Bakugo would be very unnecessarily competitive in birthing class

Will wake you up in the middle of the night at least once, he’s just laying on his back staring wide eyed at the ceiling... “What if I explode the baby?”

You’ll roll over and look at him annoyed, “you won't explode the baby,” 

He will settle again once you give him cuddles 

You cannot tell me that he would not be your biggest cheerleader when you’re actually giving birth, “PUSH, FUCKING PUSH DUMB ASS!” 

Todoroki: 

This man freaks out for a sec... cuz daddy issues. But he has a strong resolve so he will come out of it quickly and decide how to 

“Shoto, you aren’t anything like Endeavor, you’re going to be an amazing dad”

He will be extremely happy, but his excitement will be softer

Everyday after you tell him he says you’re glowing

He will want to cook you special things because it’s healthy for the baby, or so his mother told him

Speaking of his mother, she taught him how to knit when he went to visit her in the hospital so you’ll find him knitting little hats and bootie and jackets for the baby

He will nest just as much, if not more than you do

You’ll find him awake at 3AM trying to put together some bullshit ikea thing for the baby with the tiny allen wrench they give you for free. “Shoto, come back to bed... we can do that in the morning” “But the baby needs somewhere to sleep,” “Yes, and I’m not due for another two months”

Shoto is already so soft but I think he would be softer

Like when you fall asleep on the couch, he gets home and just cuddles up to you and asks your bump how it’s day was. He will talk to the bump until you wake up and then he just pepper your face with kisses.  

He is the only one of all these men who doesn’t shit himself and die when watching the birthing tape. I think he would be calm and say something like “a woman’s body is made to carry and deliver a child, there’s nothing to be frightened of.”

Midoriya: 

When you tell him, he’s gonna cry

He will want to call his mom right away  

Midoriya is the kinda guy to have a box of his things from when he was a kid stored away to give to his child (it’s all All Might merch but, ya know)

He definitely panics and worries if he is going to be a good father but he takes all that anxiety and just turns it into energy to care for you with

He is already signing you up for birthing classes 

This man would take you to all your doctors visits, acupuncture appointments, prenatal massages, and even a strange healing session done in the back room of a health good shop (don’t worry, he checked google reviews, 346 people, and 5 stars) (You weren't sure about it at first, but you felt very at peace afterwards, def worth the 5 star review)

He just really wants you to be happy and healthy

It would be understatement to say he treats you like a queen... he treats you like a goddess, and he tells you everyday how grateful he is that you’re his love and giving him a baby. Especially when you feel insecure about how your body is changing

He will want to make the nursery Hero themed... with an All Might wall decal... you’ll eventually opt for something a little less... exuberant like jungle animals or something. But the compromise is the All Might mobil that spins and says “I am here” while playing twinkle twinkle little star.

He will read to the bump, and sing to it because he wants the baby to know his voice

Will make a ‘goodnight’ song with you for the baby to sing to it every night 

Tenya: 

Tenya is so excited and immediately starts thinking of things he needs to do for you and baby

The day after he will come home with a bag from the store full of prenatal vitamins and herbal teas that are safe to drink 

“My love! I have brought you Evening Primrose supplements, it’s supposed to help with your delivery.” 

I think he has name ideas picked out already and is very excited to show them to you. They are all related to the Iida family.

He would ask his brother for advice and would be so excited to tell him when it’s time. 

Don’t even worry about pregnancy brain. Iida’s got you, he will help you remember everything you need to know and he will be patient with your cloudy thoughts. 

Iida is so matter of fact tho, I can see it coming off as insensitive, especially when you’re dealing with mood swings.

“Darling, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you it’s just that those chips make your stomach hurt and I was only trying to-” “YOU JUST DONT WANT ME TO BE HAPPYYYY!!!!!!” “My darling, I want all the happiness in the world for you, you are the mother of my child, I- please don’t cry” 

He really loves you a lot and he will learn to be a little gentler with you during this phase of the pregnancy

Braxton hicks contractions (the little fake contractions you get during the third trimester, closer to the due date) will send him into panic mode. 

But he is also so organized that he is R E A D Y 

You clutch your stomach and inhale sharply and sit down, he’s already running to get the hospital bag and getting the keys for the car. 

(The hospital bag includes, diapers, baby clothes, blankets, stress balls for you to squeeze during contractions and a birth mix which includes mostly Baroque composers but theres a few taylor swift and harry styles songs because he thinks it would be cool if the baby was born to Adore You, because Iida adores you and that baby so much)

Tamaki:

He is terrified

But ultimately knowing that he has a child on the way actually does wonders for his confidence because he wants his child to have a good example and he doesn’t want the child to inherit his crippling shyness

He really is there for you and much like Shoto, shows it in a soft way

Tamaki is so food oriented already that he is especially considerate of your cravings and would probably try them, no matter how weird they are

Pregnancy makes you super hungry but thats okay because Tamaki is a brilliant cook

Tamaki is also very sensitive to the knowledge that it will change after the baby is born and that he has you all to himself for just a little while longer

He is going to take you on special weekend trips, like a sleepy beach town to just relax and eat good food

He will also take you on extra dates because he just wants to soak up your time together as a couple

He is very aware of how much work you’re doing constantly to carry his child and he will want to spoil you 

“Y-you’re just so beautiful, a-and you chose me, and now you’re carrying my child...I just... I love you so much and thank you for letting me be yours b-because you make me so happy.” 

He will freak out when he sees the birthing tape

“I-I am so sorry, I can’t believe I’ve put you through this... you’re- you-  This is all my fault...” *panic panic panic*

But when you’re actually in labour he is very supportive, he will just apologize while you’re screaming in agony and wish there was something else he could do other than bring you ice chips...

[golden-holland]

turning 20

so... the fact that im writing this on the 31 should say something. I turned 20 like two weeks ago and i didn't even have the time to think about it because i had an exam on the 21, multiple gifts to buy and also had to organize everything because my brother is staying at my tiny apartment with me. And honestly that's exactly how everyday where i was nineteen felt like. constant anxiety.

i feel like i changed so much this year. unlike what i wrote when i turned 19, i am not afraid of growing up without actually enjoying life and i am instead actively trying to enjoy life. which sounds weird, considering all the bad things that happened this year.

I moved to another city, i am now living alone, having to manage my own money and cooking for myself and also studying. all that was a process. but i was doing fine, or at least, what i could, till the second half of the year came.

my father got diagnosed with cancer. and it was horrible. the whole situation, from the doctors discovering something unusual to the day that they finally came to the conclusion that it was cancer to the first day of chemotherapy. it was all a horrible process. oh, and the countless times that he was hospitalized because his defenses were low. and they wouldn't let me in, or they would let me in but i had to stay for the whole day. and having people pity me... and out of anger, fighting with people who wanted to help me. everything was so draining.

there were a few good things that came out of me hitting rock bottom, and that is that i finally got a therapist. which sounds like something basic, but it really helped me. also, my social anxiety? it suddenly didn't matter when my dad needed his medicine. i don't know how, but i went from getting physically and mentally drained because i went to the store, to now going to different places and running errands because my parents needed my help. i of course still dont enjoy those places. i hate being around so many people and i hate having to talk to cashiers and getting nervous and freezing because of that. but i still do it. i wouldn't avoid those situations because i now couldn't. my dad couldn't wait two days, so i just had to do it. and i did them without giving them much thought.

i also got vaccinated and everyone who knows me would have assumed that it would have been the worst day of the year for me, but for some reason, i didn't even cry. i just looked away and that was it. i went from crying two days before getting vaccinated to just going and getting the shot. i mean, my dad was sick. i was so afraid i was going to cause him harm. my biggest guess is that that's why i just went for it. that's why unlike other times, instead of dreading vaccination day, i was looking forward to it. my intense big fear just... went away.

i still dont know any of my classmates at uni and i probably won't ever meet them because i have to retake (again) a course from first year, which means that i can't start my third year yet. so next year i will just take three courses. and as much as i feel bad about that, i have to remember and tell myself that i did what i could and that that's fine. also! this means that next year i can do other things like taking some art classes or something. 

my therapist helped me a lot to get through this whole year. im very proud of myself for asking for help. i also feel regretful that i tried to close myself off, and in the process alienated my friends who tried to help me. but i guess that i did what i could at the moment. i think life is about that, trying your best. which is why, instead of trying to be the best, im trying to do what i can and trying to be satisfied with what i have.

bitterness haunted me this year. i was so angry. why is this happening TO ME? how come no one is struggling LIKE ME? why can't I ENJOY life? but the questions that i should've been asking were “how can i make the present more enjoyable?” or “is this situation really as bad as i think it is?”. i have always been an over thinker. and this year? this year was rough. all i could think about were the million ways in which i was going to lose my father. which hasn't yet happened. because the only treatment available for his type of cancer is actually working. and i should be glad. and i am. and i am trying to enjoy the present as much as i can.

nineteen-year-old me, please know that you did well. im very proud of you for doing what you could.

december 31, 2020

[gloriafc]

Paul imprinting on Emily's best friend-Part 3

Paul imprinting on Emily’s best friend -Part 3? @laurastrutz

The only words that could repeat through Paul's head were, "She suffered a great number of internal damages. She will need to be put under a medically induced coma. When she wakes up she may have a slight case of amnesia from hitting her head on the road." Everyday he heard them echoing around in his head for weeks as he stared at your sleeping figure, no one could get him to move from his seat, except Emily, who promised she'd stay at your side until he got back from his nap and shower. He could only stare at the many tubes and wires connected to you, counting how many times your chest would rise in an hour.

Kim and Emily were both fine, the other driver crashed into the front drivers side of your car. Jared and Sam are both grateful you got them out okay, but they also won't let their imprints out of their sights. The two wolves made sure their friend was okay, but they knew he was basically dead inside, his life laying unconscious in the bed surrounded by balloons and flowers your best friend brought so you'd see something other than the dull walls when you woke up.

The other driver was okay. He did have to go into surgery, but when he was out, he alongside his family tried to say thank you. Of course that just pissed off Paul, if the other driver saw the stop sign, you wouldn't be in the hospital, all of the imprints would be safe and fine telling them about the movie they saw and the random things they bought that are now ruined or was barely salvageable.

When she woke up and found out what your condition was, Emily immediately called your dad, who sped his way to the hospital from Seattle. It wasn't the way he planned on meeting your boyfriend, but he could see just how much Paul cared about you, and that's all he could ask for his daughter especially at a time like this.

The two men quietly sat at your bedside everyday. Occasionally they'd talk, getting to know each other, telling stories of the random things you'd do.

When the doctors decided to take you off of the medication they informed your dad and Paul you wouldn't wake up right away, that your body would come to when you were ready. They sat for three days, taking showers in the hospital bathroom, taking turns to go get coffee. Emily would come everyday to make sure they ate. They'd constantly look at how different you looked without all the tubes on your face, and the wires connected to your body now gone, you looked somewhat normal. The only thing missing was the smile that was constantly on your face.

On the fourth day, they were both sat by the window, one of the rare sunny days in Forks that they knew you loved. They opened the curtains and windows and sat there staring outside. They were both so lost in thought they didnt hear you start to wake up until they heard a raspy voice say, "You both look like shit."

Their heads both snapped to your bed where you were laying wide awake and a soft smile on your face.

After the doctors checked and made sure you were okay and were checking to make sure your stats were normal. Paul's hand never left you. He was either holding your hand or drawing shapes on your arm or leg. Your dad was the one who called Emily. As you waited for her you turned to your dad, "Where's mom at?" He stops talking to the doctor to look at you, "Baby. Your mom died remember?" You look at him for a second before shaking your head, "Right. Yeah. I know." Before you can say anything the doctor quickly reassures you, "Dont worry. That's normal after an accident like yours. It's very common for cases like this. For little bits to be missing, it'll just take a few moments for your brain to correct itself. It should only happen for the next couple of hours."

About ten minutes later Emily runs into the room like a track star and practically jumps on top of you. You dad can only shake his head, "Dont break her already." Emily just shrugs with her arms wrapped around your shoulders, "Shes already in a hospital."

The next person to enter is Kim followed by Jared. You watch as she stops in the doorway before running and joining you and Emily on the small hospital bed.

Your dad leaves telling you he's going to get some actually sleep at your house, now that you're awake, leaving you with your two friends and three wolves. Despite just waking up, you were exhausted and quickly fell asleep after Emily put on a movie. Soon Kim and Emily followed, the three of you sharing one blanket and squished on one bed. The boys can only shake their heads realizing why you're all so quiet. "At least shes finally awake." Sam just chuckles, "At least they're all in one place. Just wait till Y/N gets discharged."

The doctors started you on physical therapy the next day, to get your body back into the activity it was used to before you could get discharged. You struggled but you pushed against it until you could walk on your own, even if you needed something or someone to help keep you on your feet. You didn't let anyone join you except the trainer and the doctors, not wanting Paul or Emily to stop you from pushing yourself.

When you get discharged you find yourself bouncing back quite fast, you still need help getting around but it's more like you just need someone to make sure you dont fall.

You called your sergeant to help you bounce back and he agreed knowing you need someone to push you but know the limits, and not Paul who'll hold back when he thinks you've had enough. You asked your dad to go on morning jogs with you, not knowing the wolves follow you in the tree line hidden by the shadows and bushes.

When you got cleared by the doctors your dad went back to Seattle and you were free to do what you normally did everyday.

Of course that didnt stop the boys from doing stuff for you, even if it was simple stuff, "I'm gonna get some water." "I got it." "What happened to you practically live here get it yourself?" "Don't worry about it."

You realized about a week after getting cleared for regular activity that three certain wolves tried to keep you, Kim, and Emily together constantly or you always had a wolf with you. You watched everyone before sneaking out in the middle of the night while Paul was asleep. You easily avoided any wolf on patrol and made your way to the beach. You stayed there all night with a small fire and blanket, thankful it was a warmer night.

When the sun started coming up you laughed as you heard howls coming from the woods and started a timer to see just how long it'd take for your boyfriend or one of the other wolves to find you.

As the sun slowly starts to rise higher into the sky you all hear a shout coming from the tree line, "Hey! What the fuck?!" You turn seeing a barely woken up Embry and Jacob. And with a shit eating grin you wave, "Hello friends."

You watch as they trudge their way through the sand before plopping down next to you, Jacob looking at you, "If I knew you getting discharged meant a wild goose chase before the sun was fully up, your ass would still be in a hospital bed." "How about I bring potato salad to dinner?" "What was I mad at you for?" With a smile you shake your head and stare out at the water, soon the boys leave to go find your boyfriend and tell him where you are.

Not even fifteen minutes later Paul is walking through the sand to get to you. Even though he's slightly mad at you he can't deny how beautiful you look with the breeze going through your hair as the early morning sun shines on your face. "How long have you been out here?" With a shrug you reply, "Since you fell asleep."

Paul cant say or do anything except step forward until you're in his arms, both of you staring at the water. You lose track of how many times the water reaches your feet, your mind focused on one thing in this perfect moment.

"Marry me." Paul looks at you thinking he misheard you, "What?" You turn to face him, staying in his arms, "One day, it doesn't have to be anytime soon. I want to take your last name. I want to marry you."

You continue speaking before he can say anything. "I almost died and your face was the last thing I saw. I was in that hospital bed in a coma and your voice was the only thing I heard loud and clear. I cant remember anything you said, I just remember your voice. I-" You dont get to finish your sentence before Paul's lips are smashed onto yours in a kiss so powerful and full of emotion your knees go week. You'd be on the ground if it weren't for the cold water touching your feet and the two strong arms wrapped around your midsection, holding you up.

The two of you stay on the beach for a little while longer, sitting in the sand, in each others peace and happiness. Paul never thought he'd be so happy, better yet to be the one to get proposed to. But he also knows he'd do anything for the person sitting between his legs with her back against his chest, even if it means he has to go on a wild goose chase before breakfast.

The silence gets ruined when you both hear another set of howls, breakfast call. Paul looks down when he feels you look up at him, "How long do you think we can go before anyone suspects anything?" Your fiance can only shake his head with a smile on his lips, before playing along, "As long as you dont get hurt again, I'd say we could play that game for a pretty long time." "Wanna bet on it."

[notorious-khantent]

Its taken me a while. But here it goes.

Khola, my love, my jan. I miss you everyday. I remember once we talked about how we would want to pass away. And I’m pretty sure we both agreed that I’d be the first to go but here I am and you’re not around. I think about you all the time. Not a minute goes by that you’re not on my mind. And a sinking feeling of knowing you’re not gonna be here. No more plans no more late night calls, no more sneaking from Gujranwala to Lahore just to meet you for a couple of hours. No more aesthetic pictures, no more anything. When we met in 2012 I never thought we’d be this close. Mostly because I never thought you’d want to be this close to me. But i knew then that you’re special and I wanted to keep your around for as long as possible, we’d do everything like a couple but we weren’t actually a couple. And everyone knew there was something and so did we but we never admitted it.

If I could I’d turn back time and change what happened when I went off to basic training I would. Its my biggest regret not making amends earlier. But Allah has His plans and after basic training we started talking again. Fast forward a few months and when I first snuck out of cantonment I came to meet you. 28 February, and thats when it all started. Like out of a dream. I still have vivid images that of what all happened and what you said to me. I dont think I’d ever forget it, and I dont want to.

We went to that concert and you were the life of the party. Or when we met once in ramzan for coffee and we met again after iftari at cosa and again we met the same day at my place. I think it was then I realised that this is the girl i want to marry.

Every moment with you was beyond real. It was a feeling of something that had been missing for so long and you came around and brought a spark that lit a fire. I used to have these crazy dreams about our future you as a doctor and me here. Now they are just that, dreams of a life i wanted with you and can’t ever have.

I haven’t broken down. Not that I remember but when I got that call I dont think i was the same. We had just talked a while ago and you were going to go meet mom. Amma was waiting. I was waiting. I am still waiting. To meet you again.

You’re in heaven. Partying it up with MJ or Bill Shankly. Spending time with your grandfather. I know you’re looking down on me. I feel your presence so much it’s unreal. Heaven is a brighter place now that you’re there. And all I wanna do is join you now. I was never a good person, maybe not good enough for heaven. But i need to change that, for your sake so i can be reunited with my best friend. I know we’ll meet soon. I’ll make sure of it.

I dont know where to even start. In the 10 years i knew you. We have had so many memories. That time we had pizza at the phase 5 park, or when we met to shoot that short film. Your birthdays. My birthdays. Polo lounge. Movie nights. But what I’m most glad about. Is our last memory together. It was a Thursday when we last met and we spent the whole day together just talking. It was so simple but in hindsight it was more than amazing. It was the best time. Ever.

Even when you’re gone you’re making me a better person. I pray everyday to God for just one dream. Where I can meet you and we can talk. That all I want. One last conversation with my best friend. My love. My khola.

Its weird how life works. I had to go to Quetta in September and had It not have been for the jaundice that I contracted I would have gone. And never been able to make it for your funeral. I remember asking God why is He putting me through this. Now I know. Its so i could be there in your last moments. And put you down in your final resting place. Something I never even thought of.

Its been difficult without you. I fee like an empty shell and I dont want to talk to anyone anymore. Because no one is you.

Im happy though about one thing. That I was a part of your life. Its the greatest honour I’ll ever get. Knowing you and being a part of your life. Now thats something to be happy about.

I gave you a silver ring and chain bracelet and you never took it off. Ever. So that makes me think that maybe you wore it the day you passed away. And it probably has your blood on it. That thought makes me shiver. I dont think anyone can be prepared for the thoughts that enters ones mind when they lose a loved one. We’ll be together again. In the next life and I am patiently waiting for it.

I love you and I miss you.

2012- forever.

[cloudywriter]

vanilla pudding cups - 1

~~~

A/N: i updated this the other day on ao3 but i didnt put it on tumblr at first bc i dont have many followers and didn’t think people actually saw it, but the prologue got some support so here is chapter 1! it’s not super long but hopefully i can have chapter 2 out soon!

masterlist + AO3 

~~~

Rhysand sat in the sterile waiting room of the hospital trying to rub the sweat off his hands onto his jeans. Next to him were his brothers, Cassian and Azriel, along with his cousin, Mor. Cassian was currently making suggestive faces at some nurse, Mor had her nose in a magazine, and Az was tapping away on his phone.

They always showed up to Rhys’ appointments whether he wanted them to or not, but usually he appreciated their support. Today though, Rhys wasn’t sure if he wanted them there. He loves them each so much but if his results came back and weren’t hopeful, it might just be too much.

He didn’t want to have to see that kind of devastation in their faces, he didn’t want them to see it in himself either. Yes, he was the sick one but so often he found himself being the strong one for everyone else, acting as if the idea that his life might be over before it truly started wasn’t absolutely terrifying as to not put them in a state of sorrow.

It was only a year ago that Rhysand was in this same waiting room with Mor by his side, she had forced him to go after he had been complaining that this one spot on his right lower back was constantly aching.

The doctor insisted on doing an ultrasound, then wouldn’t say a word and ordered a CT scan. The next day they received a call to come back immediately and that was when they got the prognosis.

Kidney cancer. Stage 2.

The next few days had been a blur of poking and prodding, honestly he can’t recall much from those days he was so overwhelmed his mind struggled to keep up with the world around him. He couldn’t quite comprehend just what the hell was happening.

He remembers the tears though. He remembers Mor putting her head in her hands and sobbing. Even Cassian and Azriel cried. Hell, Amren shed some tears. And it broke his heart.

The only saving grace was his doctor was confident that with surgery and some immunotherapy after that Rhys would be okay. By the end of it he was virtually cancer free and here he is a year later to get a routine CT scan to make sure nothing has progressed further.

“Rhysand Moon.”

A nurse with brown curly hair called from the doorway, her hip holding open the door with a clipboard in hand. I looked up and felt all of my companions' attention shift to me. Mor gave me a pat on the knee while Cas and Az gave me small, reassuring smiles.

I approached the nurse and she gave me a smile, “I’m Alis, follow me.”

She led me a few doors down and then opened a basic room that housed the usual equipment, folded neatly on top of the examination table was a hospital gown.

“Alright, if you could just change into that real quick I’ll be back in about 5 minutes to get you. I suppose you don’t need the normal pep talk, huh?”

I gave her the most genuine smile I could muster. “No, I know the drill, thank you.”

She nodded her head and let the door fall shut behind her.

Alis returned as she said and took me down to radiology. Now, I just had to lie completely still with nothing to accompany me but my own thoughts.

---

Rhysand was back where he was a year ago, same room even.

Silent tears carved a path down Mor’s cheeks. Azriel had his head in his hands. Cassian just started at the doctor looking utterly broken. Amren had shown up some time during his appointment and was leaning against the wall in the corner of the room looking far away.

Rhysand wasn’t sure what he looked like. Maybe he was a mix of them, he did not cry, it was too much to even fathom tears at that moment. He likely looked defeated. He felt defeated in every sense of the word.

They’d waited a few hours for the results of his scan which ended up being grim. Most people would probably go into this kind of scenario thinking the worst automatically but Rhysand hadn’t. He’d been so happy these last few months, feeling lighter than he had in years. He’d survived the prospect of death and had found renewed motivation to live his life without regrets, to live everyday as if it would be his last.

But here he was again, the same prospect hanging in the air. The cancer was back, and it had metastasized to his liver too.

The day turned into a blur as it had last time and he found himself back in a hospital room, this time it was his own. They had decided it was best for him to stay a few days as they accessed the situation, see just how bad it was.

At some point, Mor, Cassian, Azriel, and Amren all had to leave at 8pm as visiting hours came to a close. They had stayed with him the entire day, but after his results they’d stopped cracking jokes or playing rock, paper, scissors; instead they sat around Rhys in silent support until Nurse Alis escorted them out.

Nurse Alis made her way back into the room.

“Are you alright, dear?” She asked sweetly.

Rhys looked up at her, the tears finally finding their way to the surface. She gave him a knowing nod and held out her arms, a silent offer. Rhys let her hug him and she pulled away soon after.

“It’s okay to be scared, but don’t forget that you’re strong and you’ve beaten this once before. You have so many people rooting for you.”

Rhys only gave a half-hearted nod in response. He knew his family was there for him, that they loved him, but they didn’t truly understand. It’s one thing to watch a dying person, it’s another to be them.

“When you’re feeling up for it, Rhysand, there’s someone I think you should meet,” Alis added softly.

“Thank you, but not right now.”

“Alright, take your time and tell me when. Now, try to get some sleep and press your call button if you need absolutely anything, even if it’s just a friendly face, okay?”

Rhysand looked back at her, “okay.”

The door clicked behind her and Rhysand was alone.

~~~

I hope you enjoyed it & they’ll meet next chapter and i promise it’s about to get more cute rather than sad!

[idjitlili]

I see stars

summary:

Imagine getting drunk at the feast of starlight , and becoming over happy,and dancing like the complete opposite to what elves are used to. Leasts just say Thranduil is more than impressed.

translations:

rukhs shirumund caragu=beardless orc dung

warnings:two boners

wordcount:2356

After the dwarves and you were taken prisoner,Thranduil had kept you with him once he sent Thorin to the cells for refusing his offer. Before he was even able to begin to talk to you the dwarves had escaped,theu had left a note which the guards handed to Thranduil ,who read it before passing it to you. His face was unreadable you didnt know what to expect,as the scrap paper was upon your hands. The rushed note had read:

"Our friend from strange lands,

your journey ends here, come vist us in erebor once it IS safe,not now,we  cannot afford to lose anymore family.

much love,

ps Thorin says if you get the chance near that rukhs shirumund caragu lowers,bite it off."

Your face lit up with embarrassment,knowing Thranduil had known what Thorin was implying for you to do,it was a good idea,but hiding a knife in your vagina and then chopping it off with that. That seemed like a better idea,what if you had his coxk in your mouth,and you bite it off and then you choke to death on it,it happened to dean winchester just with a sausage. You looked up to the king ,you was watching you intensely. "Thank you." you had spoke quietly,folding the note placing it in your front pocket of your jeans.

Yes you were still wearing your clothes from home,you had cleaned them last at a stream,but when you had first joined the company ,they had given you spar tunics , blankets and such. You had known them since you fell froma portal ,four feet from the ground infront of the company. They had grew to think very fondely of you ,and protected you from all danger.Now you felt very insecure with out them around ,especially when this king seemed very scary.

"what for?" Thranduil had questioned you circling ,your body ,you had crossed your arms and faced the floor. "for allowing me to have that note from my friends." he had stopped circling to look at you ,he liked you not like that at least not yet,you were being held captive yet you were treating him with kindness.

He hadnt kept you in a cell,infact he given you a room,it was locked at night and such incase you tried to kill him. In a few days you had warmed up to the king,but now erebor was reclaimed and he qould be going to reclaim his jems. You had practially begged him to take you with,so you could see your friends. He didnt like the idea,but then you started crying,you enjoyed the kings comapny when you would eat with him and such ,but you couldnt not go especially if you could prevent somes death. In the end he had agreed and sat you infront of him on his elk,you were excited to see your friends ,you just hoped Thranduil wouldnt kill them. You had been shy with Thranduil at first ,but you soon found out he was very nice,and you came out of your shell.

That led you to be literally bouncing on the elk once you had arrived infront of erebor  ,with Thranduil having to have his arm around your waist,which led you to be very close to each other.  He had to tell you to stop,as nice as he could,you hadnt realised you had caused the king a little problem.Which luckily his outfit hid,he didnt tell you that was why,he had just stated someobe might aim for him and then hit you with an arrow. Bouncing looked like yeah.  You had spotted Thorin whos gaze lingled on you ,he thought Thranduil was using you so they wouldnt try kill him.

However you smiled widely up at Thorin. " Thorin! Your crown looks very lovely on you!" you had shouted up at the king ,who sffered from dragon sickness,his mouth twitched slightly before turning back into a frown. "You are fooling around with an elf?and an elf thats him?" he had scoffed in disgust at you,your face fell. "no,thorin." you had been hurt at his words,thranduil had tighted his grip on you waist,protectively.

Once you had found out that Thorin and his best fighters had been led into a trapped ,you had forced Thranduil, totake you there and help save them. In which had surprisingly did,you also may have used your sons also heading there ,what if he gets hurt and you couldve saved him. You ended up jumping on azog's back ,legs around his waist stabbing him in the back with daggers,so thorin could go for the kill;you literally looked like drax. Now your life was complete ,you looked awesome,you had also saved fili and kili. Darn Fili deserves more screentime. Azog had flipped you over his shoulders ,slamming you into the ice,strangling you with one hand and blade in another sending a slice up your arm, You had just became loki ,being slammed by hulk,and now you needed stitches. "I...c-can...see..y-your cock." you had to try to speak,face red,unable to breathe.giving Thorin the chance to end his life.

Thorin pushed azogs body away from you,pulling you into his arms. "you are very much crazy ,y/n and for that I will be forever in debt to you as you saved my family and I" he spoke stroking your hair, as you gained your breath back,your neck was definitely was going to be bruised. "I ...r-repaid..my debt for keeping me safe in this strange world all those month,plus i got to see that majestic hair everyday." you reached your hand up,to his hair,running your fingers through it, "i am really sorry for saying what i did earlier, I do not want you getting hurt that was all." he spoke sincerely to you. "dont worry little man,no one has taken my innocence." you smirked in which Thorin smiled at you in relief  before carrying you bridal style to erebor to find oin,trying to avoid hurting your bleeding upper arm.

That was until Thranduil stopped him on his elk,his eyes wondering over your injured form,you smiled at the king. Thranduil knew he had to take you home with him,he had felt things he had never felt before ,even with his now dead wife. "let me take her back with me,to the woodland relm,we have the finest doctors." he had spoken sternly,Thorin had scoffed in response. "oin is the best in erebor!" he had growled,he didnt want you with an elf at all. "more like the only one." Thranduil had annoyed Thorin with this,his stomach bubbled with anger.  "Thorin, its fine I have to go back anyways ,I left belongings there." you tried to convince the dwarven king,however he was stubborn,so it would take more than that. "i will buy and have you made new belongings." he really didnt want you to go,he felt like it was his duty to protect you,he thought of you as a daughter almost.

"Thorin , I will come back,and if not straight away, I will write." you had jumped down from Thorins arms ,before hugging him tightly,and pulling away. Your eyes watered ,as you looked at back at Thorin who's did the same ,as Thranduil lifted you up onto his elk infront of him.

Also you forgot to mention,Tauriel fell off a cliff , rip. Legolas was going away for a while,but promised his father he would try to visit on the feast of starlight. Thranduil had comforted you saying Thorin was safe ,there wasnt any huge chances that something could happen to him while you were gone,you would be able to see him again. Anyways that was many months ago and you wrote to the dwarves and bilbo often,Thranduil would even get elves with drawing talents to draw you so you could send them back for Thorin and Bilbo. Bilbo had requested it. But tonight was the feast of starlight,Thranduil had you a dress made ,and fitted , it was mint green,come to think of it looked exactly like Arwen's dress in return of the time. Maybe you become friends with her tonight ,and gift it too her in the future as she loved it so much. wink wink. Thranduil had personally came to chambers,and walked with you to the feast. Yeah so you had been staying in the woodland relm way longer than you had thought you would have been staying.

Thrandul had sat on the end of the table ,while you sat at the side of the table next to him,there was many high elves at the table such as celeborn,Elrond,Lady Galadriel,and many others,you could barely remember any of there names. However there had been wine,you were barely an adult ,let they kept topping up your glass ,no one told you how strong elvish wine was. You were tipsy very quickly,you didnt make much conversation with anyone as you very nervous of saying something innappropriate. Soon as you all had entered the hall ,the music filled your ears it was quiet boring music. So you just lingled around Thranduil , drinking wine ,which was everywhere ,soon you were very loose  ,and very close to Thranduil. Basically jumping around him, that was until a slightlly up beat song started playing. "Thranduil I am going to go danceeeeee." you had spoke excitely ,gripping the kings arm he had simply nodded.

You had skipped off to the dance floor,letting out a "wooooooo" hitting your fist in the air,Thranduil watched you as you tucked a part of your dress into your short legging shorts,he had gasped at your action as your whole thigh was revealed. You began dancing like you were doing just dance to umbrella,singing the lyrics,pointing to Thranduil ,gesturing him to join he shook his head,you shrug at him. You had learnt this not only because of tom holland but as a child you loved just dance and memorized the movements.

"you have my heart

And we'll never be worlds apart

Maybe in magazines

But you'll still be my star

Baby, 'cause in the dark

You can't see shiny cars

And that's when you need me there

With you, I'll always share"

you had began,as the elves had changed the music to suit the music , you smirked at heart you had gestured to Thranduil,who's face was a beet,he couldnt deny he liked it.

"When the sun shine, we shine together

Told you I'll be here forever

Said I'll always be your friend

Took an oath, I'ma stick it out to the end

Now that it's raining more than ever

Know that we'll still have each other

You can stand under my umbrella

You can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh

Under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh

Under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh"

you gestured under your dress before ,winking at Thranduil,before pulling the dress off swiftly,causing the elves to gasp ,leaving you in a tight black corset from Thorin and black shorts,you threw the dress at Arwen mouthing keep it.These fancy things

"Will never come in between

You're part of my entity

Here for infinity

When the war has took its part

When the world has dealt its cards

If the hand is hard

Together we'll mend your heart."

You strut over Thorin ,high and might ,getting very close ,before turing and dropping your ass slightly grazes him ,before flicking a leg out then bring it back in and doing the same with the other. Before standing up quickly,facing him wipping the back of your hands down his face before going back the dance floor.

"When the sun shine, we shine together

Told you I'll be here forever

Said I'll always be your friend

Took an oath, I'ma stick it out to the end

Now that it's raining more than ever

Know that we'll still have each other

You can stand under my umbrella

You can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh

Under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh

Under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh"

Thranduil stares at you,licking his lips at your performance,he was deeply attracted to you there was no doubt about that. You skin glittering in the light as it reflected onto your sweat,

"It's rainin', rainin'

Ooh, baby, it's rainin', rainin'

Baby, come here to me

Come into me

It's rainin', rainin'

Ooh, baby, it's rainin', rainin'"

you finished off ,voice hurting slightly,before grabbing a glass of wine chugging it,bow at the elves that claped for you, smiled brightly,they hadnt seen anything like that ever. You didnt get to anything else before Thranduil practically run at you. You had revealed you love Thranduil ,in your song, He cupped your cheeks gently with his large hands before he pressed his soft lips against yours ,the elves around you clap  around you,as you both kiss passionately.

"will you marry me,y/n?" he spoke once you both pulled away,you nod eagarly before pressing your lips to his quickly,you bow once more before pulling out of the hall,he thanks everyone for coming as you walk out.

lets just say you dont bite his cock off,you went to visit Thorin with Thranduil the next day , they put aside their differences for you ,as Thranduil tells them about your stunt ,not about the boner he hid when you slut dropped infront of him.

[cybernightwanderer]

How whats left of me faded away, and how my first christmas home became my last : - The day my mom died. - The concept of family finally ended for me. - And how “ it doesnt get any better”.

23rd December.

These past few months i have been on psiquiatric medical leave from work due to a very severe depression thanks to the amazing workplace enviroment that has now crippled me so deeply physically and mentally, more before.

Its funny how when i try my hardest to recover and get my life back, its becomes so clear its a fucking joke.

Begining of the year i managed to fight off my mom on the money she was forcing me to pay her, and i managed to pay less from what i was paying before, and due to these medical leaves and corona, i get very little support finnancialy. I managed to save up almost 1k, i was ready to start believinng i could fix up my life. However i still pay her what i have to monthly, half the bills, 50 euros for food that i may consume at the house, and i also buy my food and my own things like i always did.

My mom has the tendancy to force me to take borrowed money she lends me.

For example mid corona time, i had to have gum surgery due to an old tooth infection, wich turned out to be 3 tooths, and i took out 2, needless to say my mom helped me with half of the apointments, i payed the surgery ones but then i needed follow up apointments so i wouldnt lose 4 more teeth. Apointments i canceled right away , beause i didnt have any money, and my mom being the mom that she is i always refuse her “ loans “ due to her being worse than a fucking stereotipical loan shark that takes that money back with interest, but in mental health and sanity. However she kept squedueling the apointments without me knowing, then tell me 1 day early, then get mad at me because id tell her i had no money so i told her to cancel and not make apointments without my consent and knowledge. This to wich she responded with screams , name calling , telling me to cancel myself and the general griefing of : “OK fine ill never help u with anything again “ / “ ok fine i dont care anymore then “, “ what you are too good to take my money is that it? “ Then when i standed my ground , proceeding to treat me miserably for the following week, demanding me to do random chores, just for the sake of punishing me , leaving dirty dishes of her own food acumulating so she could force me to do them and threaten me with a beating if i didnt, or making me wash the bathroom everyday for no reason.

With all this mess, half the money i had saved up + using it on the apointments and paying her back right away at the end of the month the consultations i owed her. I was left with 400 bucks.

Wich later on were also spent in dentist urgency apointments, because i kept having infections, psiquiatrist apointments and medicine and a laywer for the work harrassement situation, and then and there, all my money was gone.

The situation goes by, im home , receiving basic support for the medical leave, i pay my share of the bills and i do my own thing, however depression has gotten worse, my attacks have gotten worse, and everything just feels like rock bottom here.

These last 2 months, ive been trying so hard... so hard to get back on my feet, i was taking my medicine, i was taking a languague course, i was going to the doctor. I was really, really trying. Its funny how hard i was trying, for the first time in my life i was really trying to believe it could get better.

My mom was even acting nice and it almost seemed like she was really supporting me and trying.

December 23. Me and my mom go the psiquiatrist apointment for him to avaluate my condition. For the first time the apointment wasnt so heavy, it didnt leave me so weary from it. I finally believed. By the end of the consultation my doctor asks my mom to make sure i dont go back to that work place, because it might have a huge take on my life. My mom turns to the doctor and says : “ I know she cant go back , but she cant be unemployed either.” And the doctor says : “ I know, but if she goes back it can make her worse, we cant let that happend, its damaging her“ ( meaning she could kill herself, due to the last apointments conversation ) On to wich my mother replied : “ Well i cant be providing for us both with my money “.

...

When we arrived at the car i asked her why she said that and what she meant by that. And i told her that i pay for my food and that i pay for the things i eat that she buys ( wich is not much ) and that i also pay for half the bills.

To wich she agressivly threatned me to shut up and started yelling right away and acting like a victim with her mild aneurism that happend quite a few years ago in wich she HAS BEEN FULLY HEALED AND PERFECT HEALTHY, but always uses as an excuse to dodge the discussion after demanding certain shit or just plain insulting me. After a lot of lying and name calling and even telling me that i eat her food and that i live off of her. Into wich i replied, i dont always eat your food , and theres a lot of times when i dont eat and you yell at me and treat me badly for not eating your food wich led me to just eat cereals for months everyday as all 3  meals or not even eating and skipping meals for being too afraid of making my own food in the kitchen.

And so on... And i asked her what she wanted from me. And after a long car fight and a lot of gaslighting, she finnaly admitted she just wanted more money “ because if all your friends pay normal rent , you should too “ ( meaning a 450 rent ).

And then i just gave up and told her ok, ill pay you a full rent and i will also never toutch your food again. She laughed and made fun of me. And said : like ur even gonna buy your own food, you always use my things. to wich i asked what things? Oh you use my shampoo and toilet paper. To wich then i replied, everytime i buy toiler paper for me, you just take it as your own, and i dont use your shampoo or body wash i buy my own and i have been buying my own. And she just kept fighting me on it saying i do...and i told her i dont, if i by any chance dont have shampo ill use body wash as shampoo or vice versa. She just wanted to be right, so i just told her, ill pay you anything you want, i just dont wanna fight anymore im tired. To wich then she just kept saying “ oh now ur just trowing a fit “ And i sayd to her, why me agreing to what u ask and calmly shutting up to not fight anymore , how is that trowing a fit? i just gave you what you wanted, you dont need to be angry anymore.

And she just kept going at it, trying to poke my nerves until i just completly yelled and when crazy. The she acted like a victim again.

I am so drained, i am so tired....

After that discussion it was just 10 minutes of silence. I made a decision. That woman is not my mother anymore.

She wants to be a landlord so bad, she will be one.

My mother has died.

After a few minutes almost home , she decides to turn the “ mother mode “ on, and goes like “ oh you have to go to the doctor blah blah lets get your medicine etc. And i just told her, no. Ill go to the doctor on my own means, and ill buy the medicine when i have money.

Obviously she completly dismissed what i sayd and tried to drive me to the doctor and the pharmacy. After a few NO’s , she went home.

I got home, i took care of my things and i sorted out my doctors paperwork, she tries to come into my room, and acting like a worried mother like : “ oh did you do this -- etc” ( what i was already doing ) and i just told her, to stop. That she doesnt get to “ talk to me about those things anymore, or about my buisness.

Shes not my mother anymore. She doesnt get to act like a mother do just order me around and controll me. She is just a landlord now.

A few hours later, shes wrapping up presents and asks me to do it and asks me for my gifts wrapping thingies, and i told her no. Immediatly got mad at me and kept trowing provocative comments. And i told her, i didnt want any xmas gift from her, and that i wouldnt be spending xmas with her.

She made that usual smirk she mades when she sees me upset.

fast forward, the next day.

24 December

---

[combat-wombatus]

uHm if you do these and if you want to do it I’d love a bnha matchup <3?

• my name is Aubri, I’m bi but prefer MHA boys tbh. I go by she/her, too.

• I’m a very Gryffindor person. (Sorry if you don’t know Harry Potter - 😖)

• I’m a June cancer, and I have ADHD and anxiety. My anxiety can be literally crippling somedays, but it’s gotten better overtime.

• I’m a bit of a class clown and usually just a clown 🤡 but that’s irrelevant. My teachers all hate me but like school-wise I do well so we have a love and mostly hate relationship 🤧

• I’m usually the ‘entertaining’ friend, in elementary the popular kids would invite me to play games with them because, “you’re funny” and it was like the biggest achievement ever 😭👍🏻 then they’d ignore me but that’s another therapy session

• I’m usually made fun of by people for being ‘weird’ and ‘insane’. Like all through elementary everyone thought I’d be a criminal when I grew up JUST BECAUSE I HAD UNDIAGNOSED ADHD - I hate it here 😐🦶🏻

• I’ve always been super into crime stories/true crime (where my anxiety comes from, I’m always worried about a pesky serial killer just killing me. It’s usually being kidnapped tho lmao) so I knew and still know like all these murder facts and sometimes I’d just randomly be like;

“Hey did you know it takes 12 hours and 2 days to dissolve a body in acid?”

or

“If you bury a dead deer over a dead body you buried deep in the ground, when police dogs sniff it and people dig they’ll just think it was the deer and won’t dig any farther.”

• So maybe people had a reason to be scared of me and think I’ll be a criminal someday, i dunno.

• I love love love reading and writing, and also debating. The things I’ve wanted to be when I grow up are basically: Dog shelter worker, actress, FBI agent, politician, and a writer. But usually I just want to do something that makes a positive impact on people. Like i wanted to be an FBI agent to solve crimes for people. I wanted to be a politican so I could actually help a lot of people. The entertainment industry also seemed like a way to make people happy. Idk, but then I decided I couldn’t be a politican at 10 because they were all corrupt and to be one I would have to be too. 😫🤌🏻 we love some good childhood angst

• the only subjects I’ve ever excelled at are ELA and Social Studies aka History, and Math I can’t do to save my life. ELA comes easy for me and I usually don’t have to work that hard and/or get too stressed over it. But I always get the meanest teachers for some reason. For example, one time I did my final essay for like 30% of my grade in 30 minutes the day it was due and I got an A+ 🦟🦗🦟🦗

• Uhhh id describe myself as a pretty loyal friend, I’m a ride or die type of girl. A story from my childhood that summarizes it pretty well is when I was in 2nd grade my friend wet her pants and she didn’t want to go to the nurse for it alone so I peed my pants so I could go with her and she wouldn’t have to be alone. Like, you know, a professional problem solver

• and I have genuinely attacked people for fucking with my friends but don’t snitch pls 🕳🏃‍♀️💨

• But also just anyone, people at my school tend to come to me with their problems for me to either help solve them by reasoning, or just to confront the other person like the bad bleep I am 😈😈

• I also have a huge daydreaming problem, it’s literally maladaptive daydreaming. So paired with my ADHD I don’t get shit done like ever.

• I have really high empathy levels I guess, like I always say hi to everyone I see on the street, especially if they look sad 😔 I’ve done it ever since I was a little kiddo.

• My fashion sense is very much a preppy/alt style. I wear those ripped tights and fishnets, I also have the MOST BIZARRE JEWELRY- like who allowed me to buy the gummy worm glittery earrings, hmmm???????? and those Mary Janes???????

• But I love crew necks and pleated skirts so I always obide by the National “hoes dont get cold” policy 🇺🇸😫🦅

• I wanna move somewhere someday, I don’t want to stay in America for very long

• I can speak Latin, French, and my native language which is English.

• My music taste varies, but my all-time favorite artists who all of their music they’ve ever put out has been my favorites are, Billie Eilish, Melanie Martinez, and Conan Gray.

• I no-joke have a sign in my front yard that says;

In ✍️ this ✍️ house we ✍️ don’t ✍️ worship Jesus ✍️ but instead ✍️ Melanie ✍️ Martinez

• My favorite shows are MHA (duh), The Promised Neverland, and Malcolm in The Middle.

• and I’m not going to tell you what I prefer in a partner, because that ruins the fun 😤

• but I will say I cannot be friends with someone who doesn’t really make me laugh. Like I’m used to doing most of the talking in convos but if you’re just boring I’m sorry it’s nothing personal but no thanks 😐✌🏻

• About my physical appearance, I have fluffy n curly brown hair, but when it’s in the sunlight it looks sort of brown but golden yk?? It’s shoulder length :) I have bleach blonde streaks in the front. I like wearing eyeliner most days, too. I’m pretty average size/ on the skinnier side. Kinda high key inscure abt my body bc I got flat shamed in elementary EVEN THOUGH I HAVE TIDDIES NOW- whatever 😤🙄. I also have crystal type blue eyes, and I do have fairly big eyes. But, like, not weirdly big. A good big. My cheekbones are ALWAYS PRESENT so sometimes I get called a Tim Burton character but it’s cool ig ☠️☠️ oh and I’m kinda short. I’m 5’3, even though my doctor said I’d be 5’7. I feel like I was either tricked by the doctor or someone just stole my destined height while I was asleep. It’s probably cause I didn’t keep an eye out for Selener 👁 😔😔

• I’m a definite night owl, like all of my energy comes at night which really sucks cuz I can’t do much since everyone else is asleep.

• My love language is touch starved so I’ve never figured it out ✌🏻😗🔫

• but I am an attention whore so idk 😏

• I’m a huge introvert with social anxiety. It isn’t as bad as it used to be cuz I used to not be able to like go to restaurants but now I’m much better.

• I’m a huge history person, mostly like sad history LMFAO. Uh but a lot of my hyperfixations have been on history. Some examples are The Roman Empire, Julius Caesar himself, Anne Frank, The Titanic, the Black Plauge, Helen Keller, Marie Curie, Slavery in the US, Joan of Arc, and just a lot more. I always love talking about these things if someone would let me ramble to them but no one ever does 😖 it also got to a point where for all these subjects I’d go to the library and try to find a book on them but usually I’d either have already read it or I’d read it and know all the information.

• I’m super into Greek Mythology, I have 7 books filled with the stories, I’m going to Greece maybe this summer to see it’s history, and named my hamster Aphrodite but we call her Aphie. I also will talk about this forever and ever if you let me.

• My favorite color is yellow, my favorite food is literally nothing I never have an appetite, my favorite planet is Saturn, favorite song is Tag Your It by Melanie Martinez atm but it changes like everyday.

• Music is a huge safe-space for me if I’m feeling down or having a panic attack. It calms me down n is overall my coping mechanism 💃🏻💃🏻

• Biggest fear is spiders, even looking at one gives me a panic attack and I cannot sleep at all for that night, adding to my insomniac ass 🧎🏻‍♂️🏌️‍♀️

• I’m mature for my age, I don’t exactly like hanging around kids my age and I get along better with older crowds.

• i don’t like conventional dates, (I PROMISE IM NOT TRYING TO SOUND ‘QUIRKY’ AHAHA) I kind of like having a best-friend type partner more so dates that aren’t as romantic as like the movies or a fancy restaurant suite me better. My dream date is playing Monopoly on my bedroom floor 🦧

• Also I hate getting gifts. End of story. If someone gets me a gift like awe that’s nice but never again, I’d prefer to get you one. Especially in a romantic partner 😐 i keep a journal of my friends’ interests and hobbies so I can get them the perfect gifts for their bdays and Christmas’s. Been doing this ever since 4th grade.

• Though I don’t have much actual experience with relationships🧍🏻‍♀️

• I’m a huge believer in ‘family isn’t blood, it’s who you make it’ because I have a pretty shitty family life and my childhood has been trash. My friends are my family to me.

• Also if my friends don’t like my romantic partner ✨ GOODBYE ✨. Sorry girlie, bros before hoes 🦨💨

I was going to put more but I’m so so sorry for how LONG AND COMPLICATED THIS IS- idk if this is a autobiography or a matchup at this point 🤦‍♀️ don’t feel pressured to do this and if matchups aren’t open IM SO SO SORRY LMAO uh yeah ilysm 🦎🎂🧃

OMG ASLDFKJHASLKDJH

🥺 i’m so sorry bby but matchups are closed ;-; my 100 follower event was over while ago (i guess i should’ve specified that in the asks i answered LKSAJHFLKJAHDS SORRY IT’S MY BAD) but you sound so cool?? i had a lot of the same hyperfixations interests (heLLO helen keller was badass AF and the roman empire was messed up but still v cool, anne frank was awesome too) i also may or may not have wanted to be a politician when i was younger alskdjfhalkdhj but now i’m just 🧍🏻‍♀️ lost and anyways you’re amazing >.< love u lots and don’t forget to drink water and eat a lil something hehe :p