#i dont want people to yell at me :(

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

People are really sleeping on some aspects of the Ghost King au. Honestly if there was a High King above all other royals, chiefs, ect. Then there's gonna be fans

Examples:

1. Anyone who was obsessed with swords in life would probably be lining up outside the castle to try to be one of the high kings knights

2. Former MI6 or FBI agents wanting to continue thier jobs in the afterlife

3. Someone who's always wanted to shout "Get down Mr. President!!!" Would probably try stalking Danny for the chance to save him

4. Danny on the cover of Ghost Magazines as an unwilling celebrity. People are going to be watching his every move and commenting on it.

5. Naturally Danny as Ghost King would have at least some type of political power. Something most writers seem to forget.

I would love a DpxDc fic with this in it. Just so I can enjoy Ghost King aus again lol

[unhingedsquidtm]

Solas deserves a warm embrace and a safe space, somewhere where he doesn't feel alone anymore, someone to tell him he will be okay, someone to reassure him that it is okay to let go, to grieve. The man has been so traumatized that he's stuck in the denial phase, he's being eaten up by his regret, he is losing his himself and casting himself off into solitude because he thinks that is how he will fix everything. He needs help and I sincerely hope we get to give him that.

His story won't end with his downfall.

[miwtual]

i think something that people miss about the "you should be reblogging creative work, not just liking it" stuff is that so many people who arent making these creative works are so in the mindset of QUANTITY of notes over QUALITY of notes.

maybe this is in part because of other social media (like instagram, twitter, and youtube) where the creator is rewarded based on the quantity of likes, but y'all have to understand that us tumblr creators, for the most part, do not care about the quantity of notes. yes, it's nice to know that 700 people liked a gifset we made! but it's disheartening to see that only, like, 5 people reblogged it onto their blog so other people could see it and enjoy it too. part of tumblr as a SOCIAL media is that we are meant to interact with each other here, and if you only like stuff, you're limiting the social aspect of a wide platform of users.

fic writers want to see your comments about how they wrote that one scene. fanartists want you to get excited about the way they draw your favorite characters. gifsets like what we have here on tumblr don't exist like this anywhere else. why don't you want to show these creators off to your friends and followers? don't you want to show off how cool these creations and their creators are?

reblog from us now so you're not begging for us to come back to you later.

[calamitys-child]

My purpose and singular mission in life is to make sure queer and/or neurodivergent kids know that sometimes it really is their parents who are stupid and other adults are on their side. This, unfortunately, does not make me popular with their parents. Gonnae keep doing it though.

[plulp]

hey guys. remy design

[ravensmadreads]

Dieter fans, I am so sorry. idek what im doing here, but i have thots:

DIETER WHO GOES A LITTLE GYM CRAZY AFTER GOING SOBER

DIETER WHO WON'T GET LIKE SUPER RIPPED

BUT GETS SO STRONGGGGGGGG

AND THE ENDORPHINS (because @chronically-ghosted made a comment about how going to the gym is like drugs for your brain like the GENIUS SHE IS and i spiralled into a chaos like the GREMLIN I AM)

Also???? Can you imagine????

Sweaty curls

And because in my head, he's adhd he can't do shit without music, so he always has his earbuds in ??? (He had to get over the bluetooth thing because the wires ended up getting caught in the wrong places, and he nearly smacked into the treadmill console once) This has absolutely not happened to me ever

And then he's singing along while he does bicep curls, and you nearly walk into a wall

And gym bro, Dieter!!! Who can spot a newbie a mile away?? and then goes to talk to them and help them out?? Talks about machines forever because of course, he researched for hourssss!!

Accidentally bumps into you once when you stumble with a heavier weight and he helps you out and you never stop thinking about him again

OMG, CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM DOING THOSE HIP THRUSTS???

SUDDENLY, I LOVE DIETER WHAT IS THIS

He's looking at his form in the mirror, and you're looking at him because damn crack my neck with that bicep, sir!!

Tagging: @chronically-ghosted because you're a menace and @sp00kymulderr - because gym joel started this and you're about as insane about dieter as taylor is

[baylardian-1]

youll never guess who got knocked up shortly after a certain other person came back into her life

[goodolddumbbanana]

Damn... Do you guys remember the time when we are just shipping characters because of fun? Because of sexual tension we feel between them? Because of the potential???

Why do we keep pushing the morality into the story now? I understand we feel related to those characters, but why have to be so righteous about it?

People can ship whatever they want, because it's just fiction, not reality. And if you don't like it, block them. Easily solution, right?

Why do we have to yell at the world that 'this ship is wrong?' or ' that ship is disgusting?'

Like... What ever heck is inside our imagination, fandom is where we express it.

Why do we have to fight each other like that?

It's really sad and immature.

[wexhappyxfew]

“Don’t leave my sight again” for Kennedy and Bucky! Only if you want! I love your writing! <3

HI SWEET ANON!!!!! thank you so so much for popping this in the askbox and for the love on my writing! it means SO MUCH!! i had a lot of fun with this one - we went in a direction i wanted to explore a bit more with the kennedy x bucky dynamic, especially their ever-present bickering about sports with their (respective) red sox and yankees, hehe. i really enjoyed this prompt because i could still utilize the dynamic i wanted, but inject the prompt into the writing in a way that was more heartfelt and meaningful than anything, so, please enjoy!! :D

lips itching to grin

(a/n): kennedy x bucky girlies, we're back and better than ever and focusing on the early days again with these two, specifically in the ever-present baseball rivalry (with a side of heartfelt and slightly flirty banter that neither side may or may have not predicted.....). ps: there's a whole lot of baseball references in here along with a deep dive into the red sox and yankees baseball almanac of 1942 players, as (to preface) they discuss a yankees x red sox game from 1942, with some of their own perspectives (though we enter the conversation in the middle lol). please enjoy!!! <3333

"Alright, well, runners on first and second, game-tying run at second, bottom of the 5th," Kennedy started, as she watched Paulina offer one of the newer replacements a dance as Billie Holiday sung with those swing trumpets over their heads, "you got Joe DiMaggio coming up with two outs. Dick Newsome's already at 78 pitches."

"Easy," Bucky offers as Paulina and the replacement move out towards the center of the floor and start dancing - Kennedy likes seeing her smile, "DiMaggio hits an RBI double and makes it to second base. Then you ain't even tied up anymore. Score's 4-3."

"But," Kennedy started, glancing upwards at him with a look as she tilted her head, a smile on her cheeks, "you got Charlie Keller up next. Getting to that point in your roster where it gets a little….hairy."

"Says the one with Joe Cronin on your-"

"Focus." Kennedy said snapping in front of his face, bringing a smirk onto his lips as he looked back at her, "We're talking about the fucking Yankees right now, Bucky."

"Don't call them the fucking Yankees."

"They're the fucking Yankees to me, got it?" she said and she watched Bucky turn from his position leaned up backwards against the bar to actually facing her, "What?"

"You get really passionate about your Red Sox, huh?" he said, leaning his hand up against the side of his face and watching her, "I'd hate to mess with you-"

"You already have." she told him in a sing-song voice as she turned and took a sip of her beer and looked out to the dance floor again, "Try growing up as the only girl in a house full of brothers. You either play baseball or you are the baseball, I'm afraid." Bucky snickered at that and sipped his own drink - bourbon maybe, she could smell it on his lips from here.

"What the hell kinda baseball did the Farley brothers play?"

"Wouldn't you like to know."

"Clearly not that great of baseball, you're all Red Sox fans."

"Says the one who willingly became a Yankees fan."

"Willingly-"

"At least I grew up in the area! It makes sense!"

"Can't knock me, Yankees' got a fan all the way from Wisconisn - can't say the same about other teams now, huh?" Bucky said leaning towards her with a grin, "Gotcha there, huh?" Kennedy watched him.

"Bill Dickey comes up and goes out swinging," Kennedy said, staring him down, "Red Ruffing's taken outta the game. Atley Donald's up on the mound. Johnny Pesky's up to bat. Donald walks him. Tony Lupien comes up - an absolute bomb outta the field. Rest of the game is a no-go. Red Sox win. 6-4."

"For someone who despises the Yankees, you sure do know a whole lot about them." Bucky said, sipping his drink again, "It's cute. You trying to impress me with that Yankees stuff."

"I just know a whole lot about games where my Red Sox win," Kennedy mouthed back, the tops of her cheeks burning, "you'd know if I was trying to impress you."

"When's that happened?"

"Never."

"Huh."

"Exactly." she said, sending him a look and he smirked again, his eyes watching her in that manner they always seemed to, "What's that look for?"

"What'd you usually play?" he asked her, that lazy grin growing on his face, "C'mon, I know you were probably in a group of kids that got together to play. What were ya? No….let me guess. First base, you're pretty tall." She stared at him and raised a brow. "No?"

"What about this," she started, standing up straight and holding out her arms, "screams first base, huh?"

"Fine. Shortstop. Speedy, quick-witted-"

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"Don't get in over your head."

"Continue…." Kennedy said with a smirk.

"Shortstop." Bucky said, "Final answer."

"Ding-ding, you're correct," she said with a smile, "usually my older brother and I fought over that position. He usually gave in."

"You were convincing enough." Bucky said, sipping his drink again.

"I was better than him." she offered back, catching that look on his face, "What, like it's hard to believe?"

"Nah, nah," Bucky said shaking his head back and forth and grinning, before avoiding her questioning entirely, "you like hitting?"

"Usually was middle of the pack, sometimes cleanup, I flip-flopped." she said with a winning smirk, "Wasn't often I got cleanup though, my older brother, he's a fucking giant, like 6 foot 5 or something - Bobby - he usually could drive in any and all runners. Sometimes he let me in the spot. It was usually some stupid fight we'd have, but he'd let me have my ways sometimes. Which was nice." Bucky grinned at her again and she couldn't tell whether that was just how he decided to look at people or if there was something else going on behind those eyes and that smile. But she just left it for the time being and took to sipping her drink again.

An upbeat Ozzie Nelson beat came over above them, which immediately sent Kennedy thinking of home again - its summer, the windows are open, her mother's got the radio playing the music she always used when cleaning the house; a mix of Artie Shaw, Billie Holiday, Glenn Miller and Benny Goodman. Sometimes even some Ray Noble. Any sort of music as such would remind her of that time in her youth, racing around the house with her brothers, this music in her ears, the kitchen smelling like lemon soap and freshly scrubbed, the linens hanging outside, the sound of her mother sweeping and shooing away her brothers or their dog, Gunny.

"My ma loves this music," Kennedy said with a smile, looking out to the dance floor as people danced and clung onto one another, as if it were the only thing they had apart from those flying coffins - human touch, more important than anything when they were here, "she played it all the time at home."

"She a big band fan?" Bucky asked her, and she looked to him with a smile and nodded. The corners of his eyes grew soft - she noticed he did that sometimes when he was really listening to you; really, really listening. When she had first noticed it, she'd been taken back at the intensity with which he would watch and listen, but he did it so subtly she had never really noticed until now.

"Always has been." Kennedy said with a nod, "I mean, with five sons and one daughter, there isn't a whole lot of space to listen to quiet jazz, or…something or other. Everyone always wanted big band being played." Bucky let out a bark of a chuckle and then got quiet again, glancing her way with that cautious look painted on his face. He knocked her shoulder lightly.

"And you?" he asked her, a slightly playful look on his face, lips itching to grin again.

"What about me?"

"What do you like?" he asked her, "What does Kennedy Farley dance around to her when no one's looking?" Kennedy couldn't help but laugh, a real genuine laugh and shake her head.

"Usually Benny Goodman or Glenn Miller."

"Like mother, like daughter." Bucky said with a smile, "What's she doing now ya think? Your ma?" Kennedy shrugged, feeling slightly homesick at the thought of her Ma, at home, with all her children off to war, or college, or school, her husband off to work, leaving her in that big house all alone. Her stomach twisted unpleasantly and she couldn't fight the sad expression off her face.

"Probably getting dinner ready - she makes a damn good beef stew. Chop the carrots, onions, celery. Let the beef sit and marinate for a while. The whole house would smell almost like Christmas Eve," Kennedy said softly, before quirking out a grin, "waiting for Dad to get home from work." She stared at Bucky who watched her back. "Your ma?"

"Much of the same probably." Bucky said, leaning up against the bar and schooling his features evenly, "Cooking up dinner, waiting for my dad to get home." Bucky smiled almost bittersweetly. "Wish she didn't have to be there alone, ya know?"

"Yeah," Kennedy said quickly, her emotions warping with her intense want to berate him yet again over baseball, but her softer side took over and she looked at him, "I don't doubt though if I went home, she'd be telling me 'Don't leave my sight again.'" Kennedy said with a small smile. "Broke her damn heart for me to come out here. Only daughter. One of the youngest." Bucky watched her, his face quiet, his expressions even and he seemed at once, intently focused purely on her.

"She didn't want me to come." Kennedy told him honestly, feeling like if she didn't get it off her chest now, she never would tell a soul, "Here. Flying B-17s, being a gunner, getting my hands on a .50 cal. She hated the idea of all of it. But I guess she let me go because she knew it was what I wanted. What I needed. For me." She looked over at Bucky and saw nothing but that gentle, fond expression on his face. She smiled slightly. He smiled right back, almost instantly.

"Well, I'm glad you're here," he said, watching as her face morphed from sadness to mild surprise, to which he laughed at, "yeah, I swear to ya, Farley. I really am. Hey, who was it that saw you shooting that .50 cal back in training and hand-picked you for my gunners, alright?" She was quiet. "That was me."

"And then of course Birdie took you under her wing and the rest is history, but I didn't forget that at some point in time, you were one of my waist gunners," he said, knocking her shoulder lightly again, "a good one at that, you know that?" Just hearing Birdie's name made her heart squeeze.

"It's really nothing special-"

"You shot Expert, Farley," he said, holding her gaze with a firm look, "that sends eyes wandering, I promise ya."

Oh.

She watched him for a moment before her fingers were getting twitchy and she needed something for them and to get herself to look away from that look in his eyes.

"Cigarette?" she asked him, pulling from his gaze to dig her hand into her pockets and produce the slightly crumpled cigarette packet she always had on hand. He watched her before slowly nodding.

"Sure." he said, as she innately popped open the top and produced two cigarettes, sliding one onto her lip and the other into his own hands, "Thanks."

"The least I could do for a compliment like that." she said, almost bashfully, as he placed it on his lip with a chuckle.

"First time anyone's ever told you that?"

"People don't tell me a whole lot of things like that ever so," Kennedy started, before attempting to smile, "yeah, first time for everything" Bucky watched her curiously as he produced a lighter and leaned forward to light up her cigarette before doing his own.

"Really?" he asked her, almost surprised - why would he need to act surprised, why did he even bother to care? She nodded. Bucky watched her for a moment, fingertips drumming against his cigarette as he stared at her; his gaze not one she was entirely even turning away from or wanting to.

"Cleanup." She stared at him, raising a brow.

"Tell Bobby Farley that you shoulda been in cleanup in the lineup." Bucky said, turning towards the bar again and calling for another drink, "Shortstops are usually closer to the top of the lineup anyway, right?" Kennedy watched him, her heart pounding.

"Bucky-"

"I woulda put you in that clean-up spot any day of the week, believe me." he said, smiling at her, with a grin, before turning to the bar and getting his drink. And she recited deep from within her mind, something Bobby Farley had taught her well and good in their screaming matches - 4th slot in the lineup, cleanup spot, usually one of the more or most important players in the lineup; they're powerful, drive in runs and more than anything are one thing - consistent.

[clairenatural]

the thing about deancas is it IS all encompassing no other couple CAN come close. I'm a fan of plenty of other media with fan-favorite but not (yet) canon ships and I watch them like aw yeah I see it :) they would be cute. they should get married :) but it's not like???? when dean and cas look at it other I want to pause and rewind 500 times and analyze every angle and force anyone watching with me to listen to my analysis of how they've been in love for 10 years. every other couple feels very much like a standard fun ship, they'd be cute together, etc. dean and cas have been in love for a decade and I need everyone to understand that or I'm going to explode

[electricmaimer]

"i dont care if people who havent read the books get spoiled for the show" <- words of a person i now want to bite and yell at

[ganondoodle]

i really like tumblr bc despite its reputation i get way less annoying people being clowns on my posts on tiwtter i can mention literally anything i dont like about totk and you bet theres some guy that either gets really salty about me not worshipping the game like a god that can do no wrong or straight up get mad about what they IMAGINED i said

[acaciapines]

rereading random bits of descendants of olympus (as one does) and. vera <3 still soooo obsessed with how she takes lupa's divinity. like MAN.......there is something to how shes had to scrape and claw her way into every single good thing shes ever had. that she's never just been able to KEEP these things, that she is always always always fighting for them. and so of course she takes divinity. she wants to LIVE. and in this world where the fates themselves are trying to control her, its like--yeah. maybe you do need a gods power to finally get like, at least a year of the life you want. the life you werent supposed to have. forever thinking about vera's one line in her chapter thats like 'of course the fates are losing power. because they'd never let someone like leo into my life.' YELLS. FOREVER.

also have we talked enough about minnie I THINK WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT MINNIE--

[shitty-proendo-blackout-posts]

[pencil-peach]

Thinking about Persona 4 Arena Ultimax

Specifically the Persona 3 side of it.

I think it's interesting (and kinda funny) how a lot of the P3 content in this game is built upon the many CD Dramas that released in Japan following Persona 3/FES' releases, specifically the New Moon/Full Moon and Daylight/Moonlight Duologies.

As what's most likely the largest example, Labrys, one of the two major characters introduced in the game, was actually named in the Moonlight CD, which was released back in 2007 (Arena was released in 2012, for reference)

"The 7th Generation, Aigis, was created from all the data we'd obtained from all prior designs up to the 5th Generation, Labrys." (Moonlight)

Aigis' and Labrys' motivation of finding their mother is also building upon the story of Moonlight, where Aigis is able to speak with the girl whose personality was one of the bases used for the Anti-Shadow Weapon development project, and who refers to herself as her mother (but looks more like her younger sister).

"That's right... in human terms, I guess I'm kinda like your mother or something? A-ah, but based on our outward appearances, I guess I look more like your younger sister?" (Moonlight)

(For context, she is forced to forget this meeting at the end of the CD, but resolves to meet with the girl in real life. She isn't named, but we're told she has black hair.)

I think Mitsuru is the most interesting, as her appearance in the game is almost wholly influenced by the story of the New Moon/Full Moon Drama CDs, which are a side story covering her and the broader Kirijo Group's situation immediately following Takeharu's death, released in 2009.

Mitsuru's story opens up with her going public about the bloody past of the Kirijo Group and the existence of the Dark Hour and Shadows. This is following up on her resolution near the end of Full Moon, where she states plainly that this is the path she's going to take.

Ichiro Takadera: "Well then, do you intend to make a public announcement regardless of what follows? About the Shadows and so on?"

Mitsuru: "That is my path in life. I cannot stray from it." (Full Moon)

Kikuno Saikawa, Mitsuru's right hand maid and one of the shadow operatives, also made her debut in New/Full Moon. The two of them met when they were children, and Kikuno vowed to protect Mitsuru after she'd saved her from her despair as a child.

Kikuno: "Six years ago, when I learned my stay at the hospital wasn't because of illness but because I was sold over by my parents, you were the one who saved me from my despair. On that day, I swore I'd devote my life to following this person." (Full Moon)

Ultimax was the first time she was given a design, but she would later appear in the Persona 3 Movie: Winter of Rebirth. Her characterization in Ultimax is pretty faithful to her depiction in the CD.

(A fun fact is that Kikuno was also mentioned in the "Seaside Vacation Before Death's Scythe" Drama CD, which was released in 2013 as a promotion for the then upcoming first Persona 3 Movie, Spring of Birth.)

One of the Kirijo artifacts mentioned in Mitsuru's prologue is a ring that gives its wearer immunity to the effects of the Dark Hour. This too is an object introduced in New/Full Moon.

"Also, there is no need to worry, as everyone who are not in possession of special powers, including me, will wear this ring. While it's on you are able to experience the Dark Hour and even when you take it off your memories of it will remain." (New Moon)

Something that doesn't come up in Ultimax is that if you smash the jewel in the center of the ring, you'll lose all your memories of the Dark Hour. It's an interesting little thing! I mean it's. Useless now cause the Dark Hour is gone but it's pretty cool...

Mitsuru's main internal conflict is her inability to ask others for help for fear of burdening or endangering them. This is something that comes up in Persona 3, but in the Drama CDs this aspect of her character is very deeply explored. It's her main emotional arc and the source of her conflict with Yukari in both the New/Full Moon CDs and Persona 3 Character Drama Vol. 4, which focuses on their relationship.

Yukari: Is your faith in us that weak?

Mitsuru: To be frank, I can't bear it anymore. I don't want others to die for my sake!

Y: And you're gonna sacrifice yourself because of that? Why do you take on so much by yourself? Is that really okay with you? Don't you want to see your friends and family again?! And to survive?! Why can't you just be honest?!

M: Of course I want to! But...that is...what should I say? It's always like that...whenever I get soft or burden others... They might end up dying again. [...] Aragaki, and my Father... What am I supposed to tell you after all that happened? Even if I'm afraid and wish to be saved, what do I say?! What should I say?! (Full Moon)

Yukari even brings up that they've had this talk before. It could be referring to their heart to heart in Kyoto, but I think it could also be read as their conflicts in the CDs too.

When Ken asks Kikuno where she learned to fly a helicopter, she states that she learned it after being involved in an assault operation on a high school dormitory, an incident which Ken says he remembers. (Say it with me now!) This is most likely referencing the climax in Full Moon, where the Kirijo Group led by Takadera attempt to raid Iwatodai Dorm and forcibly apprehend SEES, so as to avoid the possibility of Ikutsuki's plot and the Group's sins from becoming public.

There's definitely more stuff, but I just wanted to point out the things I noticed/particularly liked with Mitsuru's story.

I think Junpei suffers the most from having a lot of his characterization be taken from the CDs. A lot of people were (and still are) confused about P4AU Junpei's seemingly sudden hard pivot to Baseball, as in Persona 3 proper, it's not a very large aspect of his character.

But in the CDs, Junpei being Into Baseball is MUCH more prominent. As in he refers to everyday situations in baseball terms sometimes.

In Persona 3 Character Drama Vol 2., (released in 2008 and centered around Junpei and Chidori) Junpei dreams about taking Chidori out on a date, and eventually settles on asking her to go to a baseball game with him. (She accepts, if you were curious).

He talks with Chidori about baseball so much that she got into it herself and started watching baseball in the hospital.

At the end of Moonlight, the SEES gang talk about what they want to do after they defeat Nyx, and Junpei says he wants to go to a baseball game. They even kind of tacitly explain why he didn't talk about it all that much ingame by saying he'd fallen out of interest in it but that he "feels like it's returned in full force!"

The thing about P4AU's heavy references to the CDs though, especially in Junpei's case, is that they were never officially translated or released outside of Japan. To this day the only way for non-Japanese speaking audiences to experience the CDs is to listen to them with (usually slightly incomplete) fansubs online.

While I kind of appreciate the novelty of that, it's definitely caused some confusion when it comes to characterization. In P3 Reload, for instance, Junpei makes a lot more references to baseball in his dialogue. And for a lot of people, it feels like the purpose of that is to retroactively make Junpei's appearance in P4AU make more sense.

And while that's not incorrect, it misses the fact that Junpei was already established to like baseball in supplementary material before Arena came out. It's more like making his character consistent with the same material that P4AU used when writing Junpei.

But it's not like you can even blame people for thinking that because a lot of people are normal and don't listen to 16 year old fan translated Drama CDs uploaded to youtube. It's just interesting to me I suppose. I wonder how much characterization we miss due to lack of access to supplementary material.

Anyway you should listen to the CDs though they're really good. New Moon/Full Moon especially.

Moonlight is also very good, it's a pseudo-prelude to The Answer, and the character writing is top notch.

But that's all I had to say, really. Just thought it'd be fun to talk about.

Translation Credits: imaginary_numbers (Moonlight) pipeds (New Moon) pipeds (Full Moon)

[autisticlee]

sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.

but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.

I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.

(continue in tags)