#i dont think theyd split up though | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sketch-guardian · 4 months ago

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Never again trying to request or ask something on another tumblr account that isn’t this one 😞

I was looking at this one account and this character was honestly so cool and I was like “woah, I want him to be my dad” so I like asked if they did child reader stuff but then I looked at their request rules one more time. THEY DIDNT DO UNDERAGE STUFF, IM SO EMBARRASSED. I SEJT ANOTHER ASK FRANTICALLY APOLOGISING AND I DONT THINK I CAN LIVE IT DOWN.

BUT YEAH THIS ACCOUNT MAKES ME FEEL VERY SAFE WITH THE REQUESTS, YOURE VERY NICE!!

WHEN YOURE NOT BUSY IS IT OKAY IF I ASK FOR ALL THE RAD CLASSMATES WHOS NOT FULLY HUMAN (YOU CAN CHOOSE WHAT THE OTHER HALF IS BUT IF MC WAS HALF ANGEL IT WOULD GO CRAZYYY FOR REMIEL. I FEEL LIKE THEYD FEEL SO SAFE, THEY DESERVE IT. REMIEL NEEDS MORE LOVE)

sorry for caps lock btw!! It’s very fun 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

You know, at first since Tumblr notifications only show me the start of asks, I read "never again trying to request-" and I was already thinking the worst😳like oh god, what did I do to mess up so badly?🙈Then I read the rest and breathed a sigh of relief🤣Anyway, I'm sure you'll be able to get through such moment eventually!✨Those are small oversights that can happen and I doubt the author of that account will take it out on you for so little, trust me☺I've made a fool of myself before several times, I'm very awkward both online and in reality, but over time I learned to laugh about such mishaps😂Still, I'm happy you feel comfortable sending asks here💕you flatter me and thank you again for your kindness💜I'm sorry if I'm taking a day or two to reply to asks🙈but I'm still trying to finish the New exchange students' true celestial forms sketch, I apologize for being slow😭I promise I'll reply though😥since I just need to start shading the drawing🤞🏻Now, to vary the headcanons a bit, I chose a different race for each OC, inserting half-angel MC for Remiel as you requested😌(I'm glad you like Remiel by the way and don't worry about your writing✨). Also considering you mentioned child reader stuff earlier, I assumed you meant platonic headcanons with child MC, I hope I didn't misinterpret🙈:

"RAD CLASSMATES+NEW EXCHANGE STUDENTS WITH A HALF-BREED CHILD MC"

DEMYA (HALF-ORC)

Demya would be curious at the sight of half-orc child MC, having never seen an orc in her entire life, however she would feel admiration towards their race as they are prone to fighting, they would remind her in a certain sense of her own race (fauxsaeva) and she would like to discover more curiosities through half-orc child MC. Demya would coo over half-orc child MC's tusks, finding them adorable and would compare them with her thicker and pointer fangs, perfect for tearing meat, she would also be curious to see how half-orc child MC eats, so Demya would often share her snacks with them, only treats though, because her main and perhaps sometimes bloody meals could be too much for half-orc child MC. Furthermore, Demya would love to play fight with half-orc child MC, as they are quite powerful and resistant for their age, that way she wouldn't necessarily have to worry about risking harming them accidentally

DOMNRA/MOBIM (CAMBION)

Domnra wouldn't be too surprised by a cambion child MC, it's not that rare for a demon and a human to fall in love, hell he's seen it happen several times, both in Devildom and on Earth despite himself, so it would be logical to finally see, at least once, a demon half-breed appear. Domnra would feel some kind of connection to cambion child MC, both for their demonic side, a trait they would have in common, and in a certain sense for their feeling in half, given that his soul was literally split in half and then shared by two beings, i.e. Domnra and Mobim, while child MC is half-human and half-demon. Therefore Domnra would defend cambion child MC if someone bothered them regarding their lineage and would help cambion child MC to get more in tune with their demonic side, in short to control it. Mobim would sense cambion child MC's nature, but honestly for the little curse child MC could be anything and it would accept them either way, because that's what true family is supposed to do. In the end Mobim and cambion child MC would become good friends/sibilings

AZUL (HALF-FAE)

Azul would be genuinely surprised at the sight of a half-fae child MC, with features and appearance similar to those of a nymph or a fairy, aware that it's a rather rare and difficult race to come across, therefore he would show enthusiasm at the sight of them and probably he would ask half-fae child MC some questions, especially to check if some of their powers are similar or not. Considering that half-fae child MC would probably be very attached to nature, Azul would take them to lie down in some flowery meadows, a habit of when Azul was still an angel, while his familiars, blue morpho butterflies, would flutter around them, as if they were in a classic Disney movie. Azul would also let half-fae child MC experiment with painting, making nice portraits of each other, after all he would find their fae traits inspiring. Azul would try to find out if half-fae child MC had the ability of imposing their will and controlling other people by obtaining their names, because no matter how convenient and fun it might sound, it would still be a problem if such thing happened, so Azul would use himself as an example of bad influence, meaning that half-fae child MC should't try to mimic the bullshit or pranks he pulls off (but in his heart, Azul would be proud-)

ZURI (HALF-SIREN)

Zuri would be intrigued from a biological point of view by half-siren child MC, wanting to understand how such a union could have happened, given the significantly different anatomy, however she would do research on her own rather than asking half-siren child MC personally, after all Zuri wouldn't know their family situation or conception, it could be a sensitive topic. Zuri would also note that half-siren child MC would be a sea variant siren and not an air one similar to an harpy. Zuri would make sure to get either a small pool or a large water case in which half-siren child MC could swim to their heart's content and stay hydrated, perhaps also adding decorationd such as algae, pearls, shells and corals, to make ambience more pleasant and aquarium like. Zuri would aid half-siren child MC in taking care of their skin by moisturizing their scattered fish scales and help them use their powers responsibly, such as their siren song ability, similar to Zuri's hypnosis

ODON (HALF-ELDRITCH)

Odon is an ancient eldritch abomination, so much so that they don't exactly remember the circumstances of their birth or creation, so they have experienced many events during the course of their long life, however Odon would have to admit that it would be the first time they have ever encountered a half-eldritch, especially so young, so it would be a new pleasant experience for Odon to meet half-eldritch child MC and possibly become friends. Odon would find interesting that a human would even consider having a child with a eldritch horror, since they aren't exactly known for their friendliness, helpfulness, or parenting skills, in general it's not recommended for humans to deal with such entities, so Odon would find delightful knowing that there are other eldritch beings tame enough to consider forming such unions, at least they hope. Half-eldritch child MC wouldn't have to fear showing their eldritch side to Odon, because it would have no effect on them, moreover Odon would be able to worry less about their own form being seen, because as a half-eldritch, if child MC were to see Odon's face under their bangs, perhaps they would just get nausea or a headache. Odon would be a good mentor for half-eldritch child MC, teaching them how to control their most abominable side, they would allow half-eldritch child MC to have a friend with whom they can be their true self, after all Odon knows what it means to be alone

REMIEL (HALF-ANGEL)

Remiel would be aware of how rare it is to find half-angels like herself, since the Celestial Council usually does not approve such sins of creation and depending on whether or not those half-breed children disturb balance, they are mostly simply repudiated or directly abandoned to die to their fate, therefore at the sight of half-angel child MC, Remiel would be a little surprised and at the same time she would feel a certain bond with them on a deeper level, a soft of kinship. At the beginning probably both half-angel child MC and Remiel would analyze each other in silence with a curious gaze, tilting their heads from side to side like a lost puppy, over time though, considering that half-angel child MC has most likely suffered discrimination due to their heritage as well, they would quickly grow attached to Remiel and take shelter under her much larger feathery wings. During her long existence, Remiel has become numb to certain things, such as mocks or taunts, believing them to be true from a logical point of view, however half-angel child MC's case would be different from her situation and the angel of death would like them to feel safe for once, because it would be what they deserve. Being somber yet blunt, Remiel would have no problem softly explaining to upset conservative angels that since balance allowed half-angel child MC to be born, they have the right to exist. Remiel would help half-angel child MC with cleansing and preening their wings, taking care of their feathers with tender and soothing touch, in the meantime half-angel child MC would help Remiel understanding emotions better, perhaps the angel of death could even teach them to fly if they wished to learn, holding half-angel child MC by the hand, to prevent them from falling, Remiel wouldn't let that happen

NATHANIEL (HALF-DRAGON)

Nathaniel would be aware that there are different races and that crossbreeding can occasionally occur, however he would be surprised and intrigued by the compatibility between a human and a dragon, which would apparently result in draconic bloodline and half-dragon child MC's birth. Nathaniel would find dragons fascinating creatures, thinking of them as wise, honorable and free, therefore he would show interest in half-dragon child MC's dragon traits, such as wings, tail or horns, taking care they do not get hurt during the day, since they could be cumbersome while moving around, Nathaniel would also apply some herbal creams to half-dragon child MC's skin in the areas where their scales begin, such as cheeks or arms, to avoid skin irritation or dryness. One of the times Nathaniel would actually be caught off guard would be if half-dragon child MC, depending on their powers, risked burning, electrifying, or freezing his face off during a sneeze, which would then surprisingly make Nathaniel laugh

URIEL (DEMIGOD)

Uriel at the beginning, as a warrior angel serving the Celestial Realm, would be skeptical in believing in other deities, given that god (Father) is the only entity who she has always served and praised together with other angels, therefore she might not immediately believe demigod child MC, she would need proof of them being the offspring of a deity and a human, but once obtained, Uriel would be astonished, because it would go against what she was taught to believe. Once she comes to terms with the half-divine nature of child MC, Uriel would like to test demigod child MC's skills, their resilience and would be quite amazed and proud of what they are capable of accomplish. Uriel would then teach demigod child MC that with great power comes great responsibility and that they should only use their powers to seek justice and fight for the innocent. Moreover Uriel wouldn't tell demigod child MC, but due to her strict education and discipline, she might find the relationship between human and deity sacrilegious, still Uriel would try to overcome her prejudices for demigod child MC's sake

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hearts401 · 1 year ago

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grins at you do you wanna talk about how liz and evans relation ship would have grown and changed if they lived

YES I DO

First I wanna say

when they were kids Liz avoided both her brothers. they were obnoxious. the ones who got their family shot weird looks. She didnt want weird looks, and she certainly didnt want to be associated with the boys who made their family look like it was a mess.

But at home, she's chill to hang with them. michael and her get into a LOT of fights though, and shes pretty shitty to him specifically, since pushing his buttons is more fun and she hates him a lot more than she hates evan. michaels the one their father always has to complain about, and he's soooooooo annoying. if he starts something shes gonna finish it (bonus if she gets mike in trouble with will) but shes cool with them if theyre cool with her. she used to do their nails and makeup and whatnot before william told her to stop, though. she'll enjoy her hobbies with them, but she's not going to engage in theirs

As she gets older, her relationship with her father changed. the role of golden child becomes harder and harder to uphold until she finds she's hopelessly unhappy. her grades slip, she gets less and less attention from him and overall her happiness drops

at the same time evan is having the time of his life. his brother finally fucked off!!! he plays fucking. idk. basketball now!!! hes decided it was immature!!! fuck yeah win for the evan afton community

at the same time, hes making friends. hes getting along with the emilys lately, and theres a weird normalcy between him and mike. and also hes learning to get pushed around less and less.

Eventually, michael and evan arent lugged together anymore and liz is no longer isolated with her dad.

which means they finally have a reason to interact.

shes still so stubborn and snappy with him and her autism does NOT connect with his well (shes loud, excitable, low empathy, and bad with her tone of voice, while hes quiet, easily overstimulated, high empathy, and if you sound even remotely like ur mad at him he'll cry)

But they LIKE each other. like they dont click at all but they LIKE EACH OTHER.

so its a bit different from when they were kids. dont get me wrong, evan deserves better still, and liz is not the kindest, but shes nicer to him than most people.

and so elizabeth finds someone who really cares about her, and evan finds someone whos willing to try kindness with him.

all in all, they make a pretty good team. and while i think theyd eventually split their separate ways and get distant, they'd be able to fix it if they tried, yk?

where michael has years of making it up to evan, elizabeth just needs to show up. and be kind. and shes capable of both, even if she may not know it.

#tzu rambles #tzu asks #headcanons

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blood-injections · 1 year ago

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i really want to know what Dr benzedrine's reaction is to seeing funsandkid love fighting (assuming that they do that because I haven't read all of ur funsandkid posts yet)

Yeah funsandkid totally fights but its more for fun and just adrenaline versus the usual funkobra fighting for pent up whatever for sanity etc. The three of them are their own little fight club idk if I'll ever get to writing anything about it but they'd try keeping it secret from Benz because. Doctor and sorta leader of the suitehearts they all think he'd be pissed bc they're unnecessarily hurting eacother or whatever even though they never go too far its just scrapes and bruises at the end of the day and an occasional black eye or split lip or something. Very rarely do they get seriously hurt aside from ghoul accidentally breaking kobras nose once. I also think benz wouldn't like kobra that much like hed be thick as theives with jet star i bet bc they have a medic/tired mom kind of bond. Anyway i think kobra gets sandman into racing and benz doesnt like kobra for that bc it means. I mean hes like its a hobby cool sandman needs more hobbies. He just doesn't like it bc its kobra and bc sandmans away from base more often its just best freind jealousy yknow hed used to fighting alongside sandman and them being super close but now kobra and ghoul are getting all the attention. But eventually like kobra and ghoul are around all the time and eventually hes just indifferent hes used to their bullshit he dosnt hate kobra hes just annoyed by him at worst. When he learns they like to fight eachother he isnt pissed like they think like he gives them a lecture but ultimately his reaction is just like. A heavy sigh and a "fine" yknow. Like i said hes used to their shit and hes not happy that theyre beating eachother up but he can see they clearly have like a system about it and make sure bot to go too far and take care of eachothers wounds if theres any so hes like as long as you dont waste our medical supplies i dont give a shit just dont concuss eachother.

BUT. If its the Dr Frankenstein Dr Benzedrine and frankenghoul thing im building, he would have a muchh different reaction because if ghouls his creation hed have a love hate relationship with it like any like parent and their kid hed hate that ghoul maybe didn't turn out exactly how he wanted like not being like him or hed hate that ghoul hates him because ghoul Would hate him, he'd have a sense of loyalty to benz and feel like he owes him it but also hed hate benz for like. Dude you literally made me alive but you wont let me like go be a person or do half these things fuck you. Because yeah benz is super protective of him. In this case ghoul would have a ton of pent up anger and sandman would be sympathetic with his needs to like fucking live and would sneak him out to have fun behind benz back and then theyd meet kobra and in this case if benz found them sneaking off to party or whatever, let alone fighting eachother for fun, hed freak the fuck out cause hes so protective of ghoul and hed yell abt them putting it in danger and risking ghouls health and shit becaue like. He made ghoul and hes scared ghoul could be unmade basically. Hes scared bc hes a crazy mad scienist and grafted different peoples body parts together or whatever and hes scared of ghoul literally falling apart at the seams but like ghouls tougher than benz thinks he is and maybe he'll see that eventually, but at the moment hed be pissed at them all and hed like try to keep ghoul and sandman separated and hed ban them from seeing kobra, which yknow it just makes them all hate him more rip and totally leads to ghoul fucking running away and joining the fab four and sandman probably fucking off to stick with his boyfriends and it totally makes the crews have a rivalry and shit until they all talk it out and forgive eachother, to their extents

#funsandkid #benzedrine's monster

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godsofdeathloveoranges · 1 year ago

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Between a fem Near and Fem mello who would be more popular?

Hmm idk if you meant in fandom or in canon but-!

I think fandom-wise a fem!Mello would probably be more popular, especially with a more western audience. People tend to like hot, fiery bombshell blondes (most) of the time + i think a fem!mello would have the sensual appeal that misa does. It would definitely be appealing to see more of a tough girl- especially because the other female characters are only really there to be used as pawns in light's game (aside from lidner and naomi- who did end up being tricked by him but damn if she didnt give him a time of it), and i think people would like the "take no shit" attitude. ... but it depends tho bc fandom is largely populated by a very particular annoying type of ("dudebro") fan, the type that hates female characters that are TOO loud or aggressive, the way Mello is. I find that a lot of male fans like Mello for his agression and more (stereotypically) masculine attitude (though mello is VERY queer with his croptops and leather and long hair), as well as being somewhat of an underdog- i have a feeling the same fans are the ones who'd despise the very same traits in a female counterpart.

Near would be split into three receptions. 1) hated even more feverishly- near was NOT generally liked by the fandom back then- i didnt get into DN until about... 2015-ish? But even then you could tell from the fics and fan reception more from the time that people did NOT like Near at all, and it was rare to find someone that did. I largely suspect this is because he's just very misunderstood- like being seen as emotionless/uncaring when he's just guarded, seen as cocky when hes just confident, seen as 'getting lucky' rather than credit being given to his intelligence. This would be a LOT worse if he was a girl- just look at Misa. Whilst yes, the series does unfortunately downplay her intelligence a lot and turns her into pretty much comedic relief for most of the last third, there are times you can see just how smart and calculating she can be also- that are frequently ignored because shes. Well. A girl. Same would go for fem!near- absolutely everything would be an asspull, people would hate her for being "the worse, girl version of L", and people would respond more negatively because if they already hated near for beating light to begin with, theyd hate even more for a GIRL to do it. 2) the people who'd like fem!near for the appeal of a cute female character- some fans just like cute anime girls and... tbh valid. Some people like characters less when theyre girls, some like them more! I do think early receptions to near might have been more positive if there was that moe factor (and yes near is moe as a boy too but yknow what i mean). She'd definitely be a cute waifu to a lot of people. 3) the people who like near pretty much the same, just that near is a girl now. Id definitely have found a fem!near interesting- the underdog aspect would have been even moreso, and id have loved to not only see light get his ass handed to him by a girl, but a female character who actually got the writing they deserved? Yes please!

I think both characters would be more well recieved now, the way their male counterparts are- especially near, who's much more well liked by this generation of fans than the previous one. I think people would pay them more attention, bc holy shit strong female characters who are morally grey (mello) and very neurodivergent-leaning (near but tbh mello too).

Now IN CANON i think things would be v interesting

Near might have a slightly more difficult time with her team and presenting a case- not the SPK, i genuinely dont think they'd have a problem being lead by a female lead, but i think near would definitely have a lot more problems (from external sources) in general when it came to being in an authoritative role, and would definitely see a lot more pushback when it came to decisions. So she'd let NO ONE outside the team think she was female- as far as everyone would be aware, 'N' would be a man, and the voice filters would reflect that, maybe even purposefully pitched down a little. Of course, Near is canonically voiced by a female VA anyway, so its not like her voice would change, just that she'd be more conscious of it. She'd also be aware that she could use that to her advantage, knowing Kira wouldn't be looking for a woman. This would continue when she succeeded L. As far as everyone would be aware, L would be a man- and this would benefit her greatly on field missions (if there ever were anyway), with people (if ever suspicious) assuming she'd be L's secretary at most.

Mello would definitely definitely use his- or, rather, her looks to her advantage. I think it would be a lot harder for her to climb the rungs of the mafia though, and she'd probably have to work a lot harder and rely a bit more on charming her way up than earning respect the way a man would. Still posing a threat, dont get me wrong, but she wouldn't be stupid to think that she'd ever earn the same level of respect as a man would (i mean its the mafia lets be real here idk much about the criminal underworld but i think its fair to say it's male-dominated and probably quite misogynistic). That probably makes it easier for her to gather intel on potential traitors and targets, though. But mello was never the head so much as a right hand man (at least to my knowledge feel free to correct me if im wrong), so that's probably a more palatable position to the other mafia members than if she had her eyes on the top.

#kinda long oop #but yeah i tried not to be too cynical about it but #+ im also fond of female charas using their gender to their advantages #wish we got to see misa doing it more tho she did know how to come across as harmless and innocent #also make no mistake fem mello can still kick major ass + has a temper she just knows its easier to manipulate men when need be #fem!near #fem!mello #genderswap #genderbend #au #death note #near dn #mello dn #ask

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spookfished · 1 year ago

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big media roundup (july edition)

hellooo again welcome to my media roundup, where i talk about things i read/watched/played this month! (…and by last month i mean AN ENTIRE MONTH AGO. WOOPS in my defense i got sick [better now]) in july i downloaded tachij2k, which im going to be shilling forever as the best way to read manga on android (apk on github here) this also means that ive been reading like, a Lot of manga lol so i split books + comics into two.

books:

vita nostra by Marina and Sergey Dyachenko: a metaphysics-ish novel about a girl who is blackmailed into going to a magic school. sort of a subversion where (unlike many magic school books) it basically is all about learning and stuff? im kind of a sucker for books written by married couples i think its really cute and also kind of fascinating... um i sort of disagree with its approach to pedagogy but its also sort of about the blood sweat and tears part of learning,, where i usually quit beforehand LOL. got that eastern european hopeless and drudgery (?) but idk i would definitely recommend

the great believers by rebecca makkai: historical fiction that swaps between an art curator-y guy living through the aids epidemic in chicago and his friend in the present who is trying to reunite w her estranged daughter. i really liked this!! super devastating obviously literally scooped me like a melon. very well researched! i hadnt really grasped like. the sheer terror and paranoia? that happened during the aids epidemic before..... thats my lack of contemp history knowledge but it was good i learned a lot. liked the theme of sort of surviving through tragedy and even after.. and the line drawn between the lost generation (war) and yales own exp (EDIT: found sth i wrote after reading the book which said "people are living their own intricate and mundane stories and then the stories of the world smash straight through them")

assassin of reality (vita nostra sequel): sasha knows what she will become--has embraced it, even. but theres always something that can be lost, and the institute still has a heavy hand over her.<or sth like that??? the reveals of the last book kind of make it a hard act to follow and the book definitely felt a lot more abstract... ik some people complained about the romantic subplots but i feel like it gives stakes and grounds everything else, yk? it gives you a thread to hold onto otherwise i mightve given up LMFAO that being said i did enjoy it :3 wondering if what happened to the authors will change the vibe of the next book... :(

you exist too much by zaina arafat: literary fiction about a bisexual palestinian american woman who struggles with her addiction to unattainable love, which has led her to cheat in several relationships. this book didnt really resonate with me.. um i actually ended up writing like 500 words of review for this but its pretty negative. so if youre interested check it out here https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/970847361775591466/1147613251933306921/image.png

movies/tv: room with a view: a young english girl travels to italy and finds love there--but has to choose between that love and a 'proper' life. ok this was fine. idk it was cute and funny sometimes but didnt leave that much of an impression sorry :T

past lives: two childhood friends reconnect, lose touch, then reconnect again. aughjjj those two silent minutes where they were waiting for her ride were so freaking agonizing. really good acting pretty film i just enjoyed it a lot in general! :3 i didnt like the boyfriend that much at first but the conversation they had in bed made them feel like a real relationship, you know? wish theyd had a 3some though maybe it will happen in past lives 2: paster life. idk its like most of the time we dont grow up to be who we thought wed be or do what we thought wed do... but is that really so bad? cant you still be happy? *clutches my head

nimona (movie): adaptation of the comic above! um this was fine i think i was a little disappointed bc the jokes felt a little overplayed/didnt really land? and i was mentally comparing it to the comic but then rereading i was like oh these jokes dont really hit for me either.. so who am i comparing this to LOL i think it would have meant a lot to me in middle school, so maybe it will mean something to middle schoolers now. also ppl fought really hard for it to be made so i feel like i need to give it more credit. my mutuals meta also made me appreciate it more :3 https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/687877902200471552/1126752893312184390/image.png barbie movie: not going to recap the barbie movie sorry. i actually watched this twice it was really fun :3 i wouldnt necessarily say it was a Cultural Milestone or anything but it was cute to see everyone dressed up for the movie.. plus i love velveteen rabbit type storylines. i think ken got the right amount of screentime (its not his movie!) but i loved his dance number and the battle scene :3 and the outfitss idk im not super caught up on the movie scene but it feels like there have been a lot of ugly movies recently. i enjoyed it

the rehearsal: a "reality" show about nathan fielder, who believes that any difficult situation can be rehearsed--and has the budget to put that belief into practice. ok like last year or sth everyone was like omg this show was sooo good but i didnt really get what it was about? but its actually really so interesting.. and the whole blurring between fiction and reality as well as the audience not really knowing which parts are staged and which parts are 'real' is so fun! i was a little bit disappointed when it diverged from the episodic format but that ended up paying off bigtime and was really like idk heartbreaking and funny and all of that. very recommend 👍

video games:

super mario odyssey: (replay)super fucking mario yay!!! in the long run, odyssey didnt have as much like. cultural staying power as botw did (they were both switch launch titles) but its still soooo imaginative and pretty and dense! i love platformers love 2 run and jump.

visual media: he was my brother: psych horror manga about a young girl who tries to grow closer to her recently-deceased brother's partner. omg i had so much fun with this the art is so atmospheric and delightfully creepy...REALLY mind the warnings though. i think i ended up reading all of it in one sitting lmfao

nimona comic (reread): classic villain ballister blackheart is looking for a competent sidekick, but what he gets is nimona, a shapeshifting weirdo kid with secrets. i remember trying to reread this and going wow.... is nimona not as good as i remember? am i old? but it was actually just like early webcomic weirdness nimona is still pretty good! yay :3 i still like the comic better but i respect how they are adapted to their respective mediums and also come from different phases in the og authors life

The story of how I came to know my favourite announcer has a side to her I would have never imagined: oneshot f/f w the premise in the title. whether i write down stuff like this is pretty hit or miss lol and i had to look this one up to rmbr what it was but the art is so cute...simple plot but i enjoyed it :3

crossplay love otaku x punk: romcom where two highschoolers fall in love with the other's crossdressing alter ego (m/m?). i really liked this one actuallyyy its so silly and im also a sucker for love square shenanigans. ok also now that someone else said they think hana/shuumei is endgame so im thinking about it. not the right perspective for this but the crossdressing isnt really overly fetishized or like seen as bad or anything? also ppl make some really funny faces in this

breathless momentum (vol 2+3): r two womanizing musicians find love... in each other!? this is also another one of my favorites :3 the leads are so fun and also music yay music! i really appreciate when a romance is still able to present an interesting story even after the couple has gotten together..

damekoi r: sequel to "please love this useless me," (damekoi is like.. useless passion? i think) which is about a woman in her 30s who spends all her money on her college boyfriend and goes into debt and falls in with her shitty former boss. omg it was soooo cute like i already said its a romance set after the main couple has already gotten together. which is my favorite. but these guys are really fucking weird so they still have a lot of problems. having Another Man who fits michikos type and isnt totally evil come in to destabilize shibata and kurosawas relationship doesnt feel cheap bc their relationship is already not very stable? lol i think the first one is worth checking out if you love pathetic women

mr villains day off: a gag manga about an alien supervillain on his days off. ok this one is pretty much just centered around this fluffy guy who likes to look at pandas but its extremely not very deep but its very cute... i like it... i also like pandas

how do we relationship/so do you want to go out, or (reread): f/f slice of life/drama manga about a girls first lesbian relationship in college. ok this is like "the" yuri manga for me i would recommend it to any fans of femslash its like sort of very realistic feeling? in the way that a relationship can sort of degrade slowly through lack of communication and being different people i think its really great 👍

ichinose familys seven deadly sins: psychological drama. an entire family wakes up with amnesia from a car crash. they dont remember themselves or each other, but pledge to stay together and relearn how to be a family and try to find their memories again. but is it really worth digging up the past...? man this one really goes off the rails. but like in a fun way? has an interesting arc going on rn about like... what allowances do we give, what are we willing to forgive in a stranger vs a family member. pretty interesting!

oshi no ko (catchup): psych thriller about the twin children of a famous idol trying to deal with the legacy she leaves behind. ive been talking about this manga for a while to my friends lol its kind of like riverdale in that its sort of very good, sort of very bad--but overall just super engrossing! which makes sense in a way bc its about the entertainment industry but also about the relationship between an idol and their fan... um not so sure about recent developments though lol. a little bit scared to see where things go

blue period (catchup): a delinquent boy used to going with the flow decides to go to the top art school in japan. yeah blue period is really good. hope this helps 👍lets all never go to art school ever ok ^_^

still sick: f/f about an office lady who finds out her coworker writes and sells yuri doujins (like illustrated fanfiction?) on the side. its a classic! was nice to finally get around to finishing it :3

liar satsuki can see death: thriller about a girl who can see peoples deaths and tries to prevent them--except everyone thinks shes just a liar. ok this is notable bc it has the exact same like adventures and gaybait as shounen but its all girls instead. its good light entertainment! sometimes is um kind of horny for sth about high school girls so ymmv on that one

farming for love: m/m romance about a pharmacist who moves to the country after a bad breakup and meets a ~strong but silent farmer~. pretty average, but fun if youre into that kind of thing! not sure if i would really recommend it lol

chainsaw man 2: set after the events of chainsaw man proper, its an action shounen focusing on asa mitaka, a girl who kinda sucks :3 chainsaw man is so fun yayyy im happy to be reading it again excited to get hit by some more bricks! asa is a wonderful protagonist and fujimoto continues to write comitragedy (?) in a way thats kinda obscene but also very cool 👍rip single father denji

skip and loafer (comic): slice of life about an ambitious but awkward girl who comes from the country to start her high school life in tokyo!!!! and some guy i guess. omg ok this is like the slice of life manga for me rn (the anime is really good! finished recently check it out) its just really warm and nice. autistic girls win always lol truly a comic that makes you feel like there is love in the world

no home: webtoon drama about two guys who are trapped together in a haunted dorm. ok this comic makes me really depressed but its also about people who make each other better despite their best efforts. and also violence and hatred its really really good 👍sad about recent updates though.. i guess maybe the characters werent really meant to be friends in the long term

this took me like two weeks to write and now im in a different state LOL so um if you got to the end...thanks for reading!

#txt #hmm its a bit harder to do these when ive read the thing so long ago... woops

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lunar-lair · 2 years ago

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a spark.

a moment.

mikeys always known leo trusts them. trusts them and cares for them, with everything he has.

he cares for people, loves them a lot. trusts them.

but does he trust the way leo trusts?

its a question hes always had. one day, he asked, because of course he did, leo would understand.

he always understands, too. no matter what.

he only laughed. "Well, maybe, but what's it really matter? You trust how you trust, I trust how I trust. Simple as that."

mikey, still 11 and still as curious as ever, still asked again, "Well, how do you trust?"

leo pulled mikey into a one armed hug and grinned, crooked and a little warm, like when he means it. "With everything I've got." he waved an arm, looking up. "You say you could catch the stars, I'd believe you." he looked down at mikey again. "You get me?"

mikey pouted.

he didnt.

and then, leo lost a key, and the earth came crashing down around them. (or...floating above them? most of nyc did, anyways.) and mikey learned a lot that day, but there was something. something small, yet important.

its what helped him get his brother out of there after all.

he thought, for a moment, about how much trust leo had to have in them to leave this world to them. to trust them to keep it safe, and love in it, and build it back up, and move on. how much he trusted them, to jump in there headfirst, like theyd just bounce right back and catch him, like they always caught each other. how much he trusted them, throughout all of this, the little ways he always does.

how much he trusted casey, to be able to do that after everything hed been through.

and he thought, then, about how he trusts. how he looks at someone and knows they have a heart, how he understands immediately that everyone and everything is important, innately.

but he trusts that way with everyone. and theres a deeper, bluer, ocean type of trust his brothers get, a forever belief theyll be by his side and understand, but he doesnt...he doesnt trust them to do what he says, or to do what he thinks they will, or to do things they dont even know they can do.

'you say you could catch the stars, id believe you.'

mikey doesnt trust like that. mikey loves and gives and cares. and so does leo.

but mikey doesnt trust like that. none of them do.

has leo been trusting and trusting, holding a hand out, without them ever seeing? without them ever giving back?

how well do they know leo? how much do they trust him?

mikey thinks.

before today, he might not have trusted leo not to botch a simple mission.

and his heart sinks.

part of his mind grumbles, well, he does that himself, and the more, intensely aware part huffed back, you know hes only been acting the way he has because hes not fit for this, right? and it finally coalesces and he thinks, 'i shouldve trusted him anyways.'

it hits him in the face. its a ton of little pieces falling together in a split second. leo trusts them without a doubt through thick and thin, through everything. he doesnt care how they act, what they do, why they do it, that doesnt matter.

theyre his brothers. theyre family.

and he knows theyll pull through, no matter what.

hes expecting them to pull through. hes trusting, with everything hes got, mikey knows. knows because he doesnt quite understand like leo does, but he nearly does. he understands the emotions and the insides.

and he knows leo trusted them, with everything he had.

trusts them, he bites back, and raises his hands before he can think much else.

leos trusting them to pull though. leos given his all for them, this whole time.

mikey just has to give back.

and when leo holds a hand up to him, the way he barely looks back when the kraang barrel towards them, he sees a glimpse of that.

mikeys caught the stars, and leo isnt one bit surprised.

leos saved the day, and hes back, and mikey is, somehow, unsurprised.

leos caught the stars, changed his ways, and lived again, and mikey knew he could. knew he would.

he wonders if this is what its like to trust unconditionally.

when he asks leo later, hell laugh, tired yet boisterous, not quite the way he was before all this but close, and rest a hand on mikeys hand from his bed in the infirmary.

"Yeah, I guess it is, huh?"

#surprise more prison dimension brainrot!#this part of the movie lives in my brain rent free #this is my first time really writing from mikeys perspective i think...hope it feels right #i wrote this a while ago at like 5 am so if its wonky blame then-me not now-me #rottmnt #lunas lies #rise leo #rise mikey #this is kind of in a weird intersection of analysis and actual writing #so im like how..do i tag this lmao #lunas library

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abyssal-system · 2 years ago

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It's late and we can't sleep so I thought I might as well use this blog for its actual intended purpose for once (a diary), so this post might be a little all over the place. im sort of stream-of-consciousness'ing this.

block the tag "#personal" if you dont want to see (potentially sad) personal ramblings / posts from us. be safe, curate your dash, i understand.

things have been very quiet system-wise lately. i think we have a new(?) alter but I'm not sure How new or why they split. I'm not even really sure if its not my imagination tricking me into mistaking an already established headmate as a new split...

i've been thinking about them for a little bit. They seem to go by Hadal (though thats also just a catch-all name for the system when we dont know whos fronting) and i have a sneaking suspicion that they've posted on this blog before.

I havent been dissociating as much lately which is good but ive also not been switching at all which is... not a bad thing really, i guess, but it certainly doesnt help ease my fears of Being A Faker.

i know that systems have quiet periods, and i know that me being frontstuck and also unwilling to change that (fear of loss of control is a pain) so thats probably the reason why, but its still unnerving being the only one around.

ive also been thinking about the logistics of getting a diagnosis... I have a lot of fears about the medical system and abuse within it, particularly being stuck in a mental health facility against my will with no way out. its prevented me from coming out as a system to my parents (who... I feel like theyd understand. not Understand, but im not in any danger if they know. i just worry itll change our relationship in some way, like they wont think im Me anymore) and its prevented me from seeking treatment and understanding of my disorder.

the online system community is also rife with toxicity and misinformation and i do not whatsoever feel safe interacting with people who seem to snap at others without warning, so I dont have many system friends out of fear of reliving past friend group drama

I imagine that the feeling of total isolation I feel is common among other systems, but it doesn't really help to know that. my near-debilitating anxiety controls every part of my life and prevents me from seeking help when i otherwise would have.

it also doesnt really help that the one time i tried to find a dissociation specialist, the only one i could find that said they were queer friendly was 4 hours away in another state.

... i might look again. I might just tell my parents so they can help me look for a therapist.

I worry about that though. I worry that since my plurality doesnt really impact my life all that much (i dont switch very often, I dont have amnesia barriers, and i dont lose control of my body fully when i switch out) that either means Im Faking or Its Not Bad Enough To Worry My Parents Over. Its Not Bad Enough To Drive Across The State To See A Therapist For It when i have a perfectly decent one less than 30 minutes away

... i dont know. it feels like i have all the pieces to get the ball rolling on ... Something? but im not really sure if its worth it. we barely have enough money to keep the pantry full for a week, let alone to switch therapists and drive for hours just so i can Maybe get coping mechanisms or something.

.... I dont really know how to end this. i hope this wasnt too negative for this blog, i know i try to focus on positivity and lighthearted subjects.

please be kind in the notes. there is a (very scared) person behind the screen and I am trying to be better about opening up about my worries. kind advice is always welcome though! if it doesnt help me it could potentially help somebody else.

#this is very personal #apologies #personal #diary #long post #hadal.txt

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truelove-cafe · 2 months ago

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waves !!!

before death, moment of death, algor mortis, putrefaction, black putrefaction, butyric fermentation :D

hi nova!! this got so long omg

"before death : what is your ideal darling/yan? what traits do you find yourself drawn to?"

hmm.. its honestly hard to say, because i think that while i do look for specific traits in a darling / yan, i put that aside when i actually do find one. i have a habit of idealizing my darling, so whatever traits they currently possess are often already perfect, therefore ill adapt

that being said, i prefer mutual obsession. someone who will put their claim on me just as i put mine on them, matching my own possessiveness. i can be their guard dog, or they can be mine. whether theyd like to be soft or rough, i can fall into the other role just as easily. i enjoy rough traits (minor cruelty, demanding behavior, etc) but i feel that softness is something i would absolutely melt for as well (sweet, convincing words, being spoiled / coddled, gentle possession where it's less action and more telling me that i am theirs and theirs alone). i would love to go out to provide for my darling then come home to their warm and maybe a little bit unmoving embrace

"moment of death : to what lengths would you go for your beloved? is there anything you wouldn’t do? any dealbreakers?"

i dont think there is much i wouldnt do. in the past ive cut people out, run away from home, hurt myself, and more for ex beloveds. i think that the one of the only limits is of course asking me to hurt any of my pets ): i would prefer for my darling to enjoy my pets and whatnot.. but. id do near anything, even if it were somewhat begrudgingly. i also wouldnt hurt my family at all, either. i might distance from them if it were good for me, but that's about all. i am very willing to listen, however — i like receiving "orders" of a sort. my darling making decisions for me

"putrefaction : do you believe in soulmates? what about reincarnation? if so, do you believe your beloved has always been your beloved?"

i do believe in soulmates, to a degree! reincarnation, im less sure about. but i am open to the idea, and in some situations i do feel like we belonged together in another life. we were drawn together for some reason, though whether it was fate or a past life or by our own hand is honestly depending on my thoughts for the day, which can also be influenced by my delusions. in a clear mindset, i think that we have a connection, and have had that connection since even before we noticed each other across our separate lives

"butyric fermentation : does your obsession ever mellow out? if so, why?"

i think that in one or two cases, it has. in both cases, its because i wasnt treated very well. i dont blame either of these people at all /gen,, they both were in rough spots and i think that it made it harder for them to keep up with my needs. i wasnt getting as much time with them, i was being pushed away, we werent communicating, and i split on them, devalued them too often, cried too much over them, that my interest and obsession got blocked off (not entirely gotten rid of). HOWEVER while it mellows out some, this rarely ever happens, and it takes a lot before it does. in some situations even, if im treated with cruelty, my obsession comes back tenfold fue to the inability to let my darling go. and i think that sometimes i need something new, instead of routine every single day; it helps me spark that interest, that adoration, again

and the others i already answered!

#↳ venus vocalizes

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melissa-titanium · 3 months ago

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Ive never watched mp100 so Idk anything about Mob but im genuinely curious, why do people keep drawing Mob & Six together as friends? (not hating on it btw I love it actually lol) im just curious as to how they would work as friends lol

ITS FUNNY BECAUSE. I DONT THINK IVE EVER ACTUALLY SEEN THAT FRIENDSHIP PAIRIG BEFORE ? ??? unless i am wildly stupid and rbed a post about it a while back... im not sure. w/e

six is obviously a VERY flighty kid, constantly ready to book it the hell out of wherever shes at. smart, determined, and after ln2 she won't stop for anything or anyone who could potentially slow her down. unwilling to form companions, after haivng already caused grief for two in the past.

i think shigeo's patience and general non assertiveness would leave them good friends. not only that but their shared experiences in hurting someone they love & self isolating as a way to not let anything like it happen again.

i feel like six feels she's at blame for rcg's death & the reason she dropped mono felt to me as like "you hurt me, i hurt you, it's better if we split so i don't do anything else" inadvertently causing a self fulfilling prophecy for the both of them.

shige hurting ritsu. his solution to having it never happen again is push down any sense of the thing that caused it -- his powers, and by extension, his emotions. some level of self isolation, aNOTHER self fulfilling prophecy directly accumulating towards meltdowns that have similarly devastating affects.

obviously i don't think they'd understand their similarities from a narrative perspective because they only have their own experiences to go by but. im not sure how they'd even meet. assuming six was out of the nowhere, somehow got trapped in a space with shige, i think they'd chill.

ofc six being six she'd lose her shit scared, but i dont think shige would have any reason to bother her. say theyre in the s&s office. she hides under a table or some shit. she recognizes hes a kid though obviously so its not like fuck, how do i kill him? fear its more like fuck, unfamiliar kid i could potentially hurt, what do i do?

shige's generally unintimidating aura and autistic swag would def help her chill. he doesnt need to talk, she doesnt need to talk, they just sit in calm silence. shige has always seemed like a steady calm figure and obv that would help six. autism to autism communication. non communication? ive always seen six as nonverbal or semiverbal. they send brain waves to eachother

i can totally see them just hanging out. how? not sure. considering six would probably try to find some way to kill any adult she sees or like crawl under benches or into trash cans to get away. six would definitely be afraid of shiges powers but thats whats cool about them is that he Almost Never Uses Them so at the point where he does end up using them shes probably chill enough around him that she doesnt freak the fuck out and start mauling him. its like befriending a stray cat except the cat is very much not a cat, it is a severely traumatized 9 year old who has never been to school and most likely has never seen anyone over the age of 11 who hasnt tried to kill her. its actually hard for me to think about how theyd be with one another ill have to think on this...

#asks #anelysis

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foxdemon-loser · 9 months ago

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i was gunna do the sunspot anatomy and now im being dragged into government shit HELP-

ok ok i have some basic ideas btw (which might change idk)

the sunspots as a species have an oligarchy going for them (researching on how those work since i kinda forgot)

i wanna do one beetle, one butterfly, one ant, and one spider to be like main higher ups of the oligarchy

the ants gunna control the military (which means mostly ant army but still other slightly powerful bugs aswell), they are gunna be short but feisty, like those -2,7 people who are fighting people constantly

the butterfly is gunna be like the "mascot" almost, the person that deals with talking to others outside the sunspots, making teatys, aliances, all that stuff, theyd be friendly on the outside but sassy and uptight once u get to know them, narsasistic, rude, snoby, all that stuff, but great with people (and manipulation)

the beetle will be "for the people" theyd like run everything that hast to do with the sunspots as a whole, like making laws and shit for them, peronality wise id say hard working, loyal, strong, rough, chaotic good, people pleaser, all that

the spider idk for the job yet (PLEASE HELP ON THIS ONE-) yet, i was thinking for personality though total sweeteheart, soft, lovely

i like how the spider and buterflys are the polar opisets peronality wise that people usually see them as and think thats fun

though job wise idk how oligarchys actully work so i just assumed they would split stuff up and if things get too bad or its like a major thing theyd come together, also have no fucking clue what the spiter would do with this spliting up system

i dont have names or desgins yet (because im still working on the anatomy of a sunspot)

but yeah this is all i have for now :3

i think spider would be like the worker

they’d provide (mainly military) with weapons, clothes, food and support

maybe like a nurse

idk

loving how this sounds tho!!!!

#loser.answers #frop!!!

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elio-monroe · 1 year ago

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im so incredibly depressed. this post is bad and contains a lot of content warnings that i can't even get myself to type out. i have a hard time seeing any of the stuff ive gone through as real or actually mattering. through most of my life if i tried to use the proper words or phrases i was told i was lying and those things dont count.

so im sorry i cant make content warnings for the read more. just take this as a big general one i guess. im not writing this for an audience im writing this for me.

this is also like a novel. so maybe don't read it because you could be doing anything better with your life. i am not exaggerating. this is so long.

i always feel like a huge bother. like im making peoples lives miserable by being around them if i am not doing everything they want to do. lately i haven't been able to make many decisions by myself, i freeze up and i just cant do it. i have to wait to be told and its frustrating, i hate it. i feel so stupid but i also feel so deeply that anything i think to do will be wrong, that ill be stepping on someone's toes.

i know my friends think i should stop making myself smaller and smaller, they encourage me to take up space. which is nice, i think, but i feel nothing but disgust for everything ive ever chosen to do.

i wish i actually didn't know why im like this. but like... i grew up every summer going to east side michigan, my grandma's house. where my cousins were, my mom's side of the family. my cousin's demanded i spend my time equally amongst them. every night i would swap what house i slept over at, if they got into a fight and didn't want to spend days playing with each other id have to make sure i evenly split my time between them and acted like i was equally on both of their sides.

if they got mad at me, even if one got mad at me, they both would ahhh you know theyd do stuff that wasnt great. a... small and lesser example would be the time they chased me and get me into a corner to terrorize me with a mechanical toy hopper (bugs life). i was very scared of that character when i was young because he was the bad guy and i was like 5 or 6. theyd do a lot of stuff like that, that would elevate as we got older. sometimes even doing more... physical stuff. i tried to tell on them when i was younger, get any adult to help me but none would really believe me. i had a reputation for being a cry baby so to them i was making stuff up. my mom would be too drunk to care at the time (she is better mother now), and my dad wasn't present in my early life (navy).

eventually i stopped being a snitch, it only ever made things worse. i guess that was a good lesson to learn early on... maybe... idk. anyways, anything theyd do to me id just keep it bottled up. i still do. and its extended past my cousins.

in late elementary my friend, who was a few years older then me and in middle school and knew a lot more about sexual education ah, well i dont think she ever meant anything bad by it im still like friends with her though we don't talk really. but i think she is a good person who just, i mean i didn't know what was happening other then being confused because i hadnt had any sexual education.... haha aaah ive just been so stupid and behind my entire life...

when we had sleep overs at her place she would usually have me sleep on a single pillow because i was pretty small when i was younger and she thought it was cute and i wanted to please her so bad. i didnt have a cell phone but she did (these were flip phone times) and she use to take a lot of photos of me... kinda non-consensually, not like sexual ones or anything so i just let it happen because there wasnt any real harm other then my mild discomfort.

eventually she moved away. and then i moved away. we kept in contact though. like i said im still her friend.

middle school was catholic and rough. i was the poorest kid going to a private school. i had hit puberty right before entering 7th grade (my first year of middle school) and my boobs had already grown to be nearly double d. catholic school uniforms are not very friendly to more curvy body types. most of the girls called me fat, i really only had one friend (and one kinda weird stalker-like girl) who had much bigger breasts then me and was a little chubby. i tried my best to not be offended at the fat comments because my friend would get them a lot more and i thought that was fucked up. i never liked when fat people where the punchline to jokes, i didn't know the word fatphobia but i was against all the shit they went through.

anyways i joined the co-ed soccer team and all girl basketball team. i had three years of soccer (on an all girls soccer team, aka real soccer) and i was a fucking killer mid-fielder. my thighs were giant and powerful, i could run for and sprint for hours without slowing down. i was a jock and i didn't even know it. i outclassed pretty much everyone on that team and i was benched pretty often because of this. the coach hated me, like literally told me how i shouldn't be as good at soccer as i am because i was making the boys feel bad. he told me it wasnt my place as a girl to do that. he'd make me run lap after lap after everyone else was allowed to stop i had to keep going.

a bit of a back up here. but i am physically disabled... i don't usually like to say that because its... minor i guess and there are so many people who have it worse. so please don't think ill of me if you are reading this, i know it doesn't count but im just getting it out there i guess. anyways my ankles (and do some extent my wrist as well) are very weak. my ankles actually hurt every single day because i am a very active person and must be on my feet a lot for my job too. but basically my ankles never really fully developed despite how much i worked out as a kid. i droll my ankles probably like 3 times a day when i was younger, im a bit more careful now, only about like once or twice a week and i rebound from it very quickly.

anways after my first year of soccer we had a new coach (this was on the all girls team) bc our first couch had to retire due to... being... not a very great person lets say. the new coach noticed i walked and ran a bit funny and one day asked me if i would allow him or my parents to wrap my ankles in bandages. i agreed and let my dad do it since he was a (navy) doctor. and lo and behold i could play soccer so much better. the pain was pretty much gone and i could fully concentrate on playing the game. and i was so fucking good.

back to middle school (in an entirely different state too) the co-ed soccer coach found out about my bandages, because one of my teammates saw me wrapping them in the bathroom and told him, and he made me stop. i got worse but i still kept trying, i wanted to spite him so bad. i wanted to spite all of them. i especially wanted to spite the girl that disclosed this information.

i hated her so much. she commented on my body so often. she bullied me every single day of middle school (thankfully i only went to middle school for two years). she was fat but called me fat, i never retaliated because it was pretty fucking clear she was insecure. sure the comments hurt because they were mean, but god i much preferred her fat comments to what she would end up sticking with after she saw me naked.

we were both on the soccer team (and basketball team), this was a very small school and i was in the largest class, at 18 people. usually we would have a good amount of time for everyone to change in the bathroom stalls individually, but it was going to rain in the late afternoon and because ppl in ct can't handle the rain like ppl in wa our game had been moved up so we all needed to get changed fast. whatever, i did not care, and i began to take off my uniform. it became very apparent to every girl on that team right then that i was not fat. so much so that bully girl had to give her thoughts on my body which was "wow, deadname! you really aren't fat." she said more but i refuse to quote her directly as it was horribly degrading and very rude to sex workers. but the gist was i had a body type perfect for men. i was 13 and appalled by this comment.

i know that probably seems like a pretty mediocre thing to be upset about in the grand scheme of things. but at 13 i had some... unfortunate sexual time on the school bus with another kid. over the fact that i couldn't be ace because of.... being a tease i suppose. before 13 my cousins often commented about how id dress like a slut from time to time. and i guess they had a point, i have a pretty more sense of what my body looks like and what it is doing at any moment in time. through out my life and still to this day i accidentally show more "private" areas of skin. my ass is fat and short skirts look better on me then long ones (and i honestly do not care that much if strangers get a glimpse, its not hurting anyone and you can just fucking look away). as a kid i often had plenty of "outfit malfunctions" that'd show off my boobs, they really don't make little girl clothing that fits around double ds. and once again i was small as kid, i could not fit adult shirts or bras or underwear (despite how fat my ass is i still wear teen/little girl underwear if im not wearing boxer breifs bc most woman's underwear will sag on me unless i go to an asian run store. mass produced clothing is fucking awful and a scam).

one time, with my first soccer team, the first coach had invited us all over for a halloween party. my mom didn't allow me to dress goth (she was and might still be scared i'll turn out to be a serial killer) but on halloween she allowed me to wear anything i wanted. and i wanted to be a skull fairy because i liked skulls and i loved being able to wear mostly black whenever i could. the top was strapless, the breast size a good amount too small for my honkers but that didn't stop me. mini skirt and thigh highs. i added a black feather boa because i loved boa's but being surrounded by other children meant i could hardly live my true camp-self day to day, but on halloween i could wear the biggest sparkly black boa i wanted. i also had some cool black fairy wings.

at the party she had us play some games, typical things like dunking for apples (i didn't participate in that one because im very bad at not breathing in water when its on my face), and pin the tail on the donkey, like super regular kid games. but there was one game where we were split into three teams, where one person on the team was tied up and chained to a chair while the other teammates took turns trying to find the right key to release the various padlocks along the captives body out of a large bowl of keys. first team to get their captive free wins. as you might imagine this game went on for a long time because there was a lot of fucking keys and if the key didn't work you had to return it to the bowl bc it might work for the other teams and all the keys looked extremely similar to each other. i was voted to be the captive (i wasn't really liked on my soccer team but i was fairly good at it for my first year and the coach saw promise in me and the team wasn't about friendship, it was about winning (we won 90% of our games that year)), which i was fine with because i didn't like the idea of running back and forth and getting frustrated. and in all honesty i was a little freak and for reasons unknown to me at the time, i really liked the idea of being tied up so i let it happen.

and oh boy how i had greatly misjudged how disliked i was! i was the first of the captives to get tied up, and i honestly don't know if there was a sorta mistake on the amount of supplies that were needed but after me, the two other captives were tied a lot less strictly to their chairs. they only had their wrists, ankles, and waists tied and padlocked to the chair, where as i also had my thighs and chest and tied up (no padlock on those two areas though). it quickly explained to me those were for like setting the scene or something. i accepted it but i was starting to panic a little because my chest was tied pretty tight and if i moved even a little bit my top would start to slip down. i tried to stay as still as possible and not bring any attention to my gradual double nip slip. but ya know, its hard to not wiggle a little when you've got various girls hands brushing against you as they try key after key.

the horror of it really came after one of the other teams won, the other team finishing seconds behind them, and my team had yet to find a single successful key. my boobs were fully out at this point and my skirt had rode up so my kim possible themed underwear was on full display. i was pretty embarrassed about the kim possible thing, and i suppose i was right to because my teammates absolutely thought it was lesbian behavior to have shego's smug face beaming from crotch. and to make everything worse, there was no skeleton key to this game. i was stuck there until the actual fucking keys were found. the teasing was pretty relentless, even after the mom came back into the room to see how things were going she didn't help. i asked her to help, i was on the verge of crying because i was very humiliated and wanted to go home (plus i was battling the very alien feeling of arousal), but she figured it would toughen me up to... sit through everything. eventually i was freed and i cried in the bathroom and asked to have my mom pick me up. she did, she asked me how the party was and i said it was fun but i was tired. (as a side note i'd be totally down to recreate this in a far more consensual way hahaha. being tied up and played with by some actual friends sounds so lovely)

so yeah, the comment about my body being great for men, for sex, was a bit to raw for me. i didn't say anything back though. i didn't know how to respond because all the other girls agreed. i got into the next stall as soon as possible and never changed in front of girls again.

i also never wore that skull fairy custom again unless it was with a long sleeved black turtle neck.

i became so much more conscious to cover my body up. but that never worked. i'd continue to be touched and groped until i eventually chopped those puppies off in my third year of college.

but even throwing my boobs away, even after starting t, cutting my hair short, wearing the most conservative outfits, people still touch me. i've grown fine with being touched by friends, i know they mean no harm. or... i guess i hope they don't mean any harm. i think overall people are good and have good intentions and sometimes just do things on accident and we don't have to over analyze everything.

i dont like strangers touching me. but... i'm very very awful. im no good at anything and i just, i just let it happen. every time. i let it happen. i guess i try to softly push their hands away, but i get so scared if i try any harder things will go worse. i dont speak up or say no. at most i maybe shake my head. god i wish i wasn't so fucking stupid.

but then maybe im not. the overwhelming majority of people i try to tell about these things don't believe me. or don't think its really bad that it happened. when i was in college i tried to use the woman's resource center for... ah well for like rape related stuff. but they told me i wasn't welcomed in the center and that whatever happened to me was not rape and does not warrant support. i know its wrong to use resources and support for something you've never actually for real gone through, but i was... and i guess still am desperate for something. i don't know what that is. i don't know how to define what i've gone through. i just have been told its not rape, its not really sexual assault, and its so minor that i can't even call it sexual harassment. but... i've seen people with similar stories to mine get those resources and be welcomed, embraced.

i hate to say this... but sometimes i wonder if its because i wore a tie and dress pants everywhere in college. i've never dyed my hair, and i don't really... idk i guess i don't look queer enough or feminine enough. maybe i scared people because i looked like the people who did bad things to them. i hadn't started t yet when i was rejected from the center, i hadn't even had my boobs removed. but no matter where i went there was this overall feeling that i was 100% a man and men don't go through those things very often. and it made it worse that i was a trans man, if i talked about those things i was invalidating my own gender and it made others uncomfortable. i had friends that hated to think of me before i was chosenname, that would tell me i was misgendering myself if i talked about specific things i went through. so i stopped.

i understood then that anyone who claimed themselves to be a safe person to talk to about things, to come to when you needed help, where not for me. i did not count.

i didn't mention my time in high school. i had one good year, 9th grade, at a tech school in ct. i moved to mi a year later. but i was loved, i was popular, i was just me. i still cry thinking about how much better my life could have been if i could have stayed at that school and not moved away. yeah i was being used because i was the smartest kid in the school and i was actively improving the test grades so much that i became a literal bargaining chip at a big conference for the district panel on fund allocation amongst the public schools. i was very happy with this by the way, and i had actively and enthusiastically given consent for the board members to use my grades as a means to afford more for the school, we all pretended that i wasn't moving come the next year. a few teachers joked about kidnapping me so i could keep attending the school (another thing i told them to do but this time they didn't :c). anyways, worked out well, the whole school got funded, more kids with higher test scores started attentending after me, and now the schools been completely remolded (it was originally designed as a cold war bunker turned tech school hahaha. we had a boiler room still that would constantly blow up and we'd just get random days off of school. it ruled).

then i moved to mi. everything went downhill. i become the obsession of one kid in my grade who i unfortunately had a locker right next to. again i wore a lot of short skirts, but at this point i was wearing leggings underneath as opposed to thigh highs, and i wore my blouses all the way buttoned up with a scarf acting as a diy tie. it was a killer look, id still wear it. but this guy decided i was his anime waifu. he'd try to get me alone. he'd push me up against walls to tell me how beautiful i am and how he would do anything for me. it was pretty bad because i didn't know how to make boundaries. i was scared of him getting violent with me (though he never showed any tendancies to do so... i was... well we've established im stupid). so for three years id occasionally just have to deal with some guy with a huge asian festish trying desperately to date me. i avoided my locker as much as i could.

then there was the pathetic guy. he was a year ahead of me and not interested in my at first. i was on the quiz bowl team with him and he had a bit of a reputation of going after woman who continually turned him down, and he often tried to go for the more.... aaa mentally ill girlies. he went after my friend who was a senior (also not a girl anymore) and i hated him forever after being told about it. i tried to be rude to him, though i don't know if he ever understood that or maybe i wasn't good at being rude (though i'm pretty damn good at it i think!). but after my friend graduated he suddenly started to push himself on me. at quizbowl matches, id sometimes get a little overwhelmed by all the buzzer sounds so id occasionally sit at the back of the room to get a bit of distance from the noise (which everyone was pretty cool with!), and well he'd follow me right on back. he didn't want me to be lonely he told me. i never felt lonely, but i did begin to worry that maybe i looked lonely or maybe he was lonely. but i also didn't like him, but also i was at a sporting event and he was my teammate so i can't be rude to him. so id let him sit near me. then he'd get nearer and nearer and nearer until he had his arms wrapped around me. he'd whisper in my ear and dig his fingers into my thighs, sometimes he'd pull them apart. but i never tried too hard to stop him. i don't know why.

eventually a girl in his grade and on my team noticed this, and she started sitting by me too. he stopped. i never told her thank you, but i thought it, i tried to convey it with my eyes. she didn't care much for me but she always kept her gaze on me when he was around. sometimes.... i find it hard to believe she was the first person to ever help me out of something like that.

occasionally at school the guy would get me alone and he'd be rather violent. he'd make me feel bad that i never told her to stop staring. didn't i like him? didn't i trust him? he was so alone and i was too and he was just trying to make me feel better. he threatened to sue me when i told his younger brother i didn't much care for his big brother as he pushed himself on my friend years ago. i did laugh in his face because that was such an empty threat, even someone as gullible and stupid as me could put that together.

god id never want to relive middle or high school, or even elementary school... or college... wild because i was really good at school and i've never been good at anything ever again.

now these days... ah my adult years have been a bit better. i get groped a little less now that i don't have boobs. but i don't wear as much conservative clothing as i use to. i've started wearing feminine outfits again, which are nice. i try not to let the... weird things people say to me get me down. i try not to believe i deserve those words.

i tried to get use to taking the bus again. i live an hours walk away from my job but i live on a direct bus line to it. though over a year ago... when i was trying out the buses again by myself a man came up to me. i was sitting down at the bus stop and he stood right in front me of, very close, as close as he could be. he was very clearly homeless and most definitely mentally ill so i didn't want to be mean about personal space right away. so he started talking and i slowly pushed myself to the end of the bench se we had more distance while talking. but that did not work as he just followed. his questions got weirder. he had commented about how he thinks boys look nice in skirts and stockings and my stupid fucking ass was like "oh well thats great! he seems really supportive! i guess i don't have anything to worry about!" then his hands came down on my thighs. i placed my hands on top of his hand gave them a slight push downwards, i was trying to say "please don't" but that wasn't clear enough. he instead started rubbing my legs up and down.

at this point i was like "ah fuck! again! again with something happening at a bus!" but i could not summon up enough of a fight in myself and i just kept answering his questions like a dumbass.

then he asked "where are your parents", that was an odd question. "not here, at home probably." "are you heading to school?" "no... no." i was so lost at this question. it seemed so fucking bizarre to me "what school do you go to? what school around here? where are you going?" "i graduated!" "from where? when?" "grand valley! a few years ago!" then i watched his eyes grow cold. he stopped smiling. and he turned and left me. no further questions. the bus arrived and i got on. i just stared out the window and cried silently as i slowly realized what had just happened. i was suppose to then take the bus back, but i couldn't. i called my boyfriend and cried to him and asked if he could pick me up instead and he did. he promised me he would if i ended up getting to uncomfortable.

i try so hard to get use to the bus. i think public transportation is great. but i keep getting scared. my looks get me in trouble more then they give me any benefit. he isn't the first guy to think im a kid and try stuff with me. even in college well meaning people told me their attraction to me felt incredibly illegal. i still don't really know how to process that. personally i think i'm rather ugly and unapealing. but i've had plenty of people tell me they are attracted to me but feel bad about it. and i don't know what that means.

i know i can't have an onlyfans. no matter how much i prove my age it just gets reported for being csem, same with instagram. i had to stop posting pictures of my fully clothed body on insta because even those were getting reported! i can't show my face for my works socmed bc it'll get taken down. even when there was just the back of my head people thought i was a child (and were freaked out by the content of the reel due to my perceived age).

i feel like im just trapped forever in this weird... bubble. nothing ive been through is considered to be enough. but all of it slows me down. all of it scares me. all of it continues to ruin my life. i get anxious. i get so scared. i have to be told what to do. i need people to not see me as human because when people care about me at a deeper level, when they don't just see me as some fun toy to play with and throw out in a year, i get scared.

god this has gone on for so long. i did not mean it. but i gotta get in the shower. i have to go to work. im scared and anxious and depressed but i gotta go to work. i wish i could just do art. but i've just started self harming again instead. im so stupid. but i guess writing all this out was better then cutting myself.

now if you somehow read through all this. do not call the cops for a wellness check. i will try my hardest to do suicide by cop.

also never call the cops for a wellness check on anyone ever you fucking moron. do you know what they do? do you? do you fucking know? would you believe me if i told you even a single fucking thing they've done to me? or are you just going to ignore that and call because "youre so scared for me" and you think because im white ill be safe. shut up and unfollow me. never talk to me again. block me. you are a fucking idiot and only view the world in black and white. i do not need that in my life. educate yourself on the history of cops and disabled folks, trans folks, and gay men. seriously. fucking go and learn and be a better person.

#this is probably the most information ive shared about myself in regards to these events #they are still very very vague #bc i know none of it matters or counts #doesnt matter how graphic i tell it or what details i include or dont include #none of this will ever mean anything #and thats just life

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vampkomori · 3 years ago

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the TMGB theory

i think theres a bit more to Shinjukus “destruction” if we shift our attention to its most iconic landmark, the tokyo metropolitan government building.

Note: this theory is just for fun. but I think it has a good shot at estimating the future higher plane storyline

Before we get into the details of the TMGB, lets first establish something about the purification of Shinjuku

This dialogue from w2d4 is about much detail as we’ll get about what happened to Shinjuku, and what effect its “destruction” had on the RG. It was “wiped out” “erased” and “vanished”; nobody in the RG remembers it, except for the people that had been in the UG before.

Well “how can a whole city just vanish?” the answer is: it cant. But lets first bring this visual aid into play

Shinjuku used to be just north of Shibuya, but its not gone in the sense that it left a hole in reality and people just black out whenever they pass through. No, it seems like Shinjuku as an established district is gone, meaning its borders were never drawn, and all its space was instead given to all the other districts.

Basically, instead of “vanishing”, its more like memories and history were rewritten so that Shinjuku was just never a thing. Instead, the other districts just expanded their reach and parts of formerly-Shinjuku are now parts of other cities.

I believe this has to be the case because the alternative brings more trouble than its worth: If it was truly erased to a point where the space it formerly occupied is just empty, people would notice. But as we see with rindo and the others, they dont! rindo had no idea there was even a city up there. Itd also make no sense if people just blacked out and suddenly ended up on the other side of Tokyo, itd mess with measurements bc theres just a bunch of space unaccounted for. people with a 6th sense would also have picked up on the area being iffy, but none of this seems to be the case

Now we can get to the tokyo metropolitan government building! Its pretty important considering its uh. The government. And also shinjukus most iconic landmark. If the city had actually been destroyed, then thered be severe consequences in the RG because their government building is suddenly just gone. A simple memory wipe could not make up for it not existing, and it definitely couldnt just magically conjur up a new building within moments. (I mean, whose jurisdiction would this even fall under? The other Composers would fight over whod get to have the literal government in their city)

Suffice to say “Shinjuku” still exists in the RG. Its just broken up into pieces and those are considered part of the other cities now.

So, if Shinjukus RG is fine, what about its UG?

What we see in A New Day may actually just be Shinjukus UG slowly fading into another plane.

To backtrack a little, theres a reason the Shibuya UG we’re in during neo doesnt include its newly gained parts of shinjuku, its because Shinjukus UG also still exists, and as neku says “it’s still there, but it’s been cut off from both the RG and the UG.” so its inaccessible. Also meaning, it cant be broken up and added to the expansion of the other UGs. if someone were to, theoretically, die in the RG of the areas that were formerly part of shinjuku, theyd simply go to the UG of whichever district claimed that area, and just wouldnt be able to access that other area in that UG

Now that thats out of the way we can go back to the actual star of the show: the tokyo metropolitan government building! Needless to say, whichever district has the literal government within its borders is bound to be incredibly influential.

And it just so happens

That the TMGB now falls into Shibuyas borders!

I believe this may be the key to the future relevance of Shibuya. The city is already extremely influential, as joshua himself said

Shibuyas influence is too strong.

So strong in fact, it could potentially “poison” the other districts. Now imagine how powerful Shibuya would be if you added the Government into the mix.

Additionally, Shibuya is already considered special by the Higher Plane due to the Shibuya River.

The Shibuya River is a particularly unique place, though we dont know which exact properties make it so unique, the fact that it started flowing into its own plane even after its source was destroyed already marks it as incredibly powerful.

So Shibuya as a place is impressively influential, so itd be no surprise if the Higher Plane kept an eye out for it, but if there was any doubt about this,

Due to the events of og twewy, the city is also considered to have reached its ideal state. Without a doubt this only adds to its already impressive level of power, and basically assures that the Angels keep an eye out for the city even after the Game between Joshua and Megumi was over.

But then why were they suddenly so insistent on seeing Shibuya purified in neo? Well, we dont know. Despite mentioning purification so often and the fact that Angels seem to encourage it, we dont actually know why the Higher Plane wants to see Shibuya purified. By all means, it should be an optimal parallel world now, so why would they suddenly want to see it gone?

The key may actually be Joshua himself. After all, he intended to stop Shinjukus purification. Though we dont know why he interfered, whether it was out of a newfound appreciation for humanity that went beyond his own city, or if he actually wanted to prevent the TMGB from falling into his borders, he was actively going against what the Higher Plane wanted, which would automatically mark him as a nuisance in their plans. Surely by purifying Shibuya, its entire area and also the area it claimed from Shinjuku, would once again fall into the borders of another district, and thus another Composer.

Its difficult to say whether this is an overarching plan from the Higher Plan that has spanned across both games. If youve read my post about Composers, which is about how Hazuki may actually be a demoted Angel from the Higher Plane, it could be possible that his demotion was on purpose, and that they intended for Haz to purify Shinjuku, therefore making Shibuya more powerful due to the TMGB falling into its borders. He would be the ideal candidate for this, as hes considered unsympathetic and lacks knowledge about the lower planes (and thus doesnt know about the TMGB), making it extremely easy to influence him to erase his city. (though you could also claim he was in on it, but then later changed his mind about it and decided to intervene with Shibuya’s destruction, once again due to Joshua’s influence)

Either way, Shibuya was saved! (again!) and now its more influential and powerful than ever. No doubt even more people would want to come after Shibuya’s seat of Composer, just to govern this massively important city.

And who else still desires this seat other than our favourite math guy

The fact that his plotline about still wanting to go after the Composer is tucked away in the Secret Ending of Another Day, means that this still has to be followed up on in a potential next game.

And what better scenario to bring this up than Shibuya being highly sought after due to its recently acquired influence-boost in the form of the government

and to summarize everything once more for extra clarity

Shinjuku wasnt destroyed so much as history was just overwritten so that Shinjuku as a district was never established, causing its area to be split up amongst the other districts. the TMGB now falls into the borders of Shibuya, and with it comes even more power and influence. Shibuya as a city already had an intense amount of influence over tokyo, and even the Shibuya River is so unique that it catches the attention of the Higher Plane. Despite Shibuya having reached its ideal state of being an optimal parallel world, the Higher Plane still wants to see it purified for some reason. Though we dont know why yet, it may be because of Joshua, the fact that hes Shibuyas Composer, and that he willfully goes against the Higher Plane, most notably when he interfered to prevent Shinjukus Inversion. Whether Hazuki is aware of an overarching plan or not, Joshua still influenced him to a point where he also decided to go against the Higher Plane by saving Shibuya. With Minamimoto still wanting the Composer’s seat, it sets the tone of Shibuya’s throne being more sought-after than ever. And the Higher Plane may be more relevant than ever to make sure this influential district falls into the hands of one of their own

this concludes my case

#ntwewy #neo twewy spoilers #neo the world ends with you #twewy meta #shinjuku and shibuya #joshua kiryu #vampymori.txt #tmgb theory #ive worked on this longer than any other post i rly hope its comprehensible and easy to follow #RED HOT NEWS: THE HIGHER PLANE IS THE ANTAGONIST #as if there was any doubt abt that before but if there was: here u go!#plus i hope this at least somewhat clarified the misconceptions abt shinjukus 'destruction'#it doesnt rly help they keep calling it that but the visual examples they provide just dont make sense otherwise #its still there! just you know. wiped from history and memory altogether

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