#i dont think its funny but my brain is fried

[lavendertea489]

"Look at those eyes, there's nothing behind them" Funky little Grian doodle

[greasydumbfuck]

also just for the record. no matter how much utterly stupid shit i say or draw about him, frank actually makes me so deeply sad. this old man should be picking up his grandkids but he cant. i think about him too much and im so sad

[asphyxiatedredherring]

The interesting experience of having watched supernatural but not really interacting with the fandom and knowing nothing about the actors or filming of it and the conventions and whatever they post on Twitter or whatever but my dash being suddenly flooded with posts about them. I don't know what's going on ever, and at this point, I don't think I even could wrap my head around everything and become involved in the fandom space. How do you guys keep up? I can't even remember what plotline goes to what season.

[hartxstarr]

i have to make sure i have this forever

[kissingmilfs]

sleeping with the enemy | natasha romanoff

summary: part of the dream girl evil! au something had to be done. everyone was sick of the fighting. but maybe being trapped in a van with natasha wasn’t entirely the worst idea. prequel to 🫀

cw: hate fucking, degradation, name calling, sorta pet play, mentions of weed and alcohol, slight blood, consensual(ish) bullying

word count: 4.1k

a/n: my gf @pocolottie did the banner! it’ll be posted to ao3 too.

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you’re all squeezed in the back of Sam's dad’s company van. it’s a little silly pulling up to a college bonfire in a white van with a fishing company’s decal on the sides. our friend group is comprised of seven people originally. wanda invited some random boy from her chemistry lab. sam invited his sister because bucky gets really awkward around her and it’s funny seeing a drunk bucky trying to flirt with sarah.

it’s already hard enough sharing an opened, public space with natasha. even when you’re feet apart, there’s always something negative for natasha to spew at you. even if the girl is quiet, you can feel natasha throwing you disgusted looks. naturally it sucks having the girl sitting directly across from you with five other people squished around.

steve texted to warn about the tight squeeze in the van. the natural peace maker wanting to make sure everyone spends the ride without getting murdered. before they swung around to your dorm, you took two shots of some cheap tequila. you hung outside, smoking a joint, able to indulge since soccer season ended.

you needed all the help you could get. sometimes you tell yourself that you can handle natasha’s constant attacking and horrid attitude. but then natasha will glare at you and all your reservations are dropped. you saw the van bank the corner, ashed your joint and hopped into the back. natasha’s dorm is before yours, so naturally you were met with her face first.

the alcohol and the weed help maintain your calm composure. you say, “sup,” to everyone and climb into the van. once sam confirms you’re in safely and somewhat comfortably he drives off, heading to the clearing in the woods. your knees are pulled up to your chest, allowing your chin to rest on them. you’re listening to the lull of random conversations from everyone in the van. you even thought to yourself, “wow this is nice,” right before natasha opened her mouth.

natasha cannot resist truthfully. you make yourself an easy target for the girl. there’s always something for natasha to single out and make fun of. you dont even hide your disdain or contempt. she loves seeing a reaction come from you. something about seeing the muscles in your jaw tighten, or your eyebrows furrow with anger, continues the little game for natasha.

“it smells fucking rank in here.” natasha deadpans while staring directly at you.

you open your mouth then quickly close it. wanda leans over bucky and takes a whiff from you. both her and bucky exchange knowing glances and she giggles.

“its just weed, natasha. chill out.” bucky mumbles with a shrug, not wanting to spend another 20 minutes with both of them going at it.

natasha throws bucky a horrid stare and he retreats into himself like a scared puppy. wanda soothingly rubs his shoulder then glances over apologetically at you. you sigh, momentarily closing your eyes. the thought of entertaining natasha and her usual antics makes the tequila in your stomach churn.

“what? nothing to say, y/l/n? you must’ve really fried your brain with that shit.” natasha’s words are filled with disgust.

you open your eyes again, deadly staring at the girl across from you. “what do you want me to say, hm? i don’t owe you anything. you’re the only one with the fucking problem.”

natasha scrunches her face with one eyebrow raised. “oh? you don’t think the way you smell affects me? or anyone else in the van? maybe they’re all too coward to say anything.”

everyone in the van grumbles, muttering something about how they’re not cowards, or that they don’t care. it does not seem to phase natasha. she’s relentless and goes in for more.

“no wonder you’re such a pathetic athlete. matter of fact, i wonder how your coach would feel hearing what his star player gets up to during off season.”

“jesus…give me a fucking break. maybe you should try smoking some time. you’ll get that stick out of your ass. it’s probably making you constipated and that’s why you’re such a fucking bitch.” your hand curls into a fist against the fabric of your pants. you can feel the anger starting to boil in your veins. this is precisely what you wanted to avoid.

and on the other hand, natasha is failing miserably at hiding her pleased expression. it’s all part of natasha’s favorite game. pushing and pushing until you finally snap. natasha would be lying, if she said the malice in your tone did not excite her and incentive her to keep verbally attacking you.

“and what? become a burnt out loser like yourself? unlike you, i don’t plan on riding on the coattails of my college experience for the rest of my life. some of us have goals and ambitions.”

i scoff, rolling my eyes, trying my best to regain some control over my senses. “right, okay, whatever, natasha. you keep telling yourself that being a cheerleader and majoring in floral arrangements will get you far in life. your future looks like getting on your knees every time you need allowance money from your ugly, cheating husband.”

everyone in the van gasps loudly. you hear sarah, sam’s sister, saying “oh shit.” you do feel a bit embarrassed everyone had to hear and see you like this. no matter how many times you and natasha fight, part of you feels guilty for doing it in front of everyone. natasha simply never knows when to chill. the silence that follows is bone chilling. no one dares utter a word in fear of retaliation from natasha.

natasha, herself, is taken back by the words. she’s dangerously quiet which everyone, yourself included, knows isn’t a good sign. all natasha can do for now is stare at you while threats and insults brew in her mind. you think about apologizing, but then that would make you look weak. confirming everything natasha has ever said about you. you know it is in your best interest and everyone’s safety for you to shut up. stop while you’re ahead. but then again when has the other girl ever backed down? you decide probably to do the dumbest thing possible in the situation.

“hey, sam, mind rolling down those windows?”

sam obliges, letting the crisp air into the van. you pull out the container that holds a half smoked joint and another full one. you rummage around your pockets for the lighter, securing it after a few seconds. the filter rests snuggly between your lips. you nudge natasha’s foot with yours, making sure the girl is watching. then with a quick flick of your lighter, the joint is sparked.

you take a deep inhale then meticulously blow the smoke directly into natasha’s direction. you track the uptick of her plump lips. her jawline becoming more prominent as she grinds her teeth. you can even see natasha digging her perfectly manicured nails into her skin.

“you know…weed is proven to help sexual libido. so maybe it’ll help loosen—“

the van comes to an abrupt stop before you can finish. you’re all jostled around by the unexpected motion. from the view out the windshield, you’re most likely already at the party. sam slams his door shut and opens the back doors. everyone climbs out in somewhat uniformed fashion, you and natasha the first to exit. everyone stretches their limbs, giddy about leaving the confined space and ready for a party.

natasha starts walking away, but sam stops her by the shoulder. she glares at him yet he doesn’t falter. bucky taps on yours and you peel your eyes away from natasha and sam.

“you gotta get back in the van.” bucky whispers with his usual soft yet annoyed tone.

“huh? why? are we leaving or something?’

bucky sighs and shakes his head. “no, nothing like that, just…you gotta go back in. or me and rogers will make you. c’mon.” he steps aside, extending his arm towards the van.

you raise your eyebrows inquisitively, but decide not to protest, simply getting back into the van. the boys are having a lot harder time with natasha. funny considering she’s eight inches shorter and one hundred pounds lighter than all three of them. watching the scene unfold is a bit comical. sam, calmly, asking natasha to listen and not walk off. bucky standing behind her with crossed arms and steve on one side, looking very much worried and frightened. you can see natasha attempt to walk away, but sam grabs her arm. that causes natasha to snap.

she swiftly turns around and knees sam in the balls. sam keels over, cupping his wounded groin. steve’s face turns blank then looks to bucky for help. bucky already moved towards natasha, looping an arm around her waist, lifting the girl over his shoulder. like a petulant child throwing a tantrum, natasha thrashes and screams and pounds her fists into bucky’s back. her blows are landing hard, it seems like, considering bucky winces every time natasha’s fists forcefully meet his back. steve hurriedly grabs the van door for bucky. natasha is gently sat down and they both wait until she gets the hint. she rolls her eyes dramatically, scooting back, almost hitting my legs.

“good. so. we’ve all had enough with the constant fighting.” bucky starts off, rubbing his shoulder.

sam finally reappears with a pissed off expression on his face. “it’s becoming too much. you both ruin the fun every time we all hang out. it’s embarrassing bringing my sister around.”

“we don’t expect you both to become best friends or anything.” steve speaks up.

sam slams one door shut. “but the fighting needs to stop. you two need to figure out how to get along. or at least ignore each other.”

“there’s a child lock on the van door. you can’t escape. the windows are rolled down, so don’t worry about dying or anything. we’ll check back in like 45 minutes. if you need something text wanda. she’s the designated driver for tonight, so she’ll have enough sense.” bucky closes the other door, watching your shocked expressions before leaving you both here with one another.

you’re blinking back your shock, trying to gain some understanding. yeah, you and natasha fought a lot, but was locking you guys in the van really the solution? if anything, only one of you will come out alive.

“close your mouth. even with the window open, i don’t need you stinking up the air.” natasha’s back is leaning against the frame of the van with her legs extended and crossed by the ankle.

“fuck off.”

“brilliant idea! but i can’t, dummy. don’t know if you were listening, you dimwit. we’re trapped here for 45 minutes.”

you move towards the mesh barrier separating the driver’s side and the back of the van. you kneel with your side pressed against the divider, then spark your joint again. but this time, you blow the smoke through the mesh, not in the mood to further aggravate the girl.

natasha intently watches your movements. it surprises her that you have an ounce of consideration. she never ponders too hard on pushing your buttons. it comes like second nature at this point. part of the fun is the audience and humiliating you constantly in front of the friend group. natasha finds that entertaining, not embarrassing, considering that’s an emotion she rarely feels. natasha holds her tongue for now though.

you make note of the quietness. never knowing natasha to shut her mouth. unlike natasha you prefer the silence. you rather never talk to natasha again than fight incessantly. once the joint is finished you check the time—only six minutes have passed. sighing, you adjust back into a sitting position.

you take the time to check natasha out. her tight denim skirt hugs her thighs perfectly, but barely conceals the black underwear underneath. natasha’s baby tee accentuates her breasts and gives them an unneeded, but very welcomed lift. her curtain bangs tickle her eyelashes as her ginger hair rests below her collarbone. you always loved how natasha cut her hair, thinking the layered look frames her face perfectly.

this is all compared to your baggy green cargo pants with the band of your boxers, peeking through, and a basic white tank top that compresses your breasts comfortably. funnily enough, you both are without bras and the chillness of the air causes both your nipples to stay hardened. it seems illogical, but you feel natasha’s eyes on them. as if she’s mentally willing your tank top to remove itself. you shift your eyes to natasha’s face, almost gasping at the look in her eyes. there’s a hunger in them. those emerald orbs staring at you like prey soon to be hunted.

one of natasha’s wickedly delicious smirks appears on her lips. she presses her hands on either side of her body against the floor of the van.

“c’mere.” natasha gestures her head to the empty spot next to her.

you quirk an eyebrow, staring dumbfounded at the other girl. “are you gonna like bite me or something?”

natasha cackles, “you’ll have to beg nicely. now do what i say. i don’t like repeating myself, y/l/n.”

instead of protesting like usual, you sigh and nod, crawling over to natasha’s side. the girl turns her body slightly to look at you. the grin that spreads on natasha’s face sends chills down your spine.

“you know…sometimes i think you like fighting with me. it makes you feel alive. none of those silly, little girls you play with can compete. if you really wanted us to stop fighting, i don’t think you’d let me get under your skin so easily.”

“are you jealous or something? do you want to be one of those girls? is that that this is all about?”

natasha barks out a heinous laughter, throwing her head back. of course, your scope of the situation is small minded, limited to only your perspective. natasha calms down and shakes her head.

“absolutely not. i have a lot more self respect than those airheaded bimbos.”

you roll your eyes, huffing at natasha’s comment and shifting away from the other girl. you’re not sure why you’re letting natasha continue her berating and treatment. but where else could you go? all you do is listen and either fight back or stay quiet. natasha glares at you, once she notices your movements. she grabs the collar of your tank top, forcing you back while bringing you even closer than before.

“did i say you could move away? that’s your problem. empty headed and stubborn. never following directions.” natasha’s hold on your collar loosens, but she keeps you close.

“now…let’s try this again. i’ll give you instructions. you’ll listen. no back talk. i’m not afraid to hurt you. i’ll gladly make you feel some pain.”

natasha’s smile is sickly sweet. it’s tempting, yet stupid, to place an inch of trust in the girl. but maybe it’s not trust. but fear and…want. the curiosity gets the best of you. the weed and traces of tequila corrupt your senses. you should know better. despite the logic screaming in the back of your head, you nod along to natasha’s words.

“see? isn’t that easier?”

natasha’s eyes rakes down your body, tilting her head as if she’s just noticing you. noticing your developed figure with more muscles than the average 21 year old girl. perhaps she understands the allure. the stupid, lustful urge to fake stupidity at a chance of sleeping with you. but natasha regards herself to a much higher status than the girls on her team. it’s the reason she is team captain after all. every hive needs a queen bee.

“take off your shirt.” natasha commands.

she already dropped her hand from the collar. natasha patiently waits for you to follow the instructions. natasha arches an eyebrow when you haven’t made any movements. somehow that incentives you, pulling the tank top over your head and tossing it aside. the sudden rush of the chilly air hardens your nipples even more. your arms instinctively cover your chest needing the warmth and protection. both from the air and natasha’s predatory eyes.

natasha reaches over, peels your arms by digging her nails into your skin. “you don’t get to touch until i’m done with you.”

your breathing falters, heart skipping a beat at the sensation that washes over you. natasha’s faux sweet smile returns on her face. the other girl wastes no time. her hand finding solace on one breast, pinching and twisting your nipple. natasha’s smile spreads once you wince. the undeniable pleasure makes it hard to pretend you’re not into it. you cannot control arching your back into natasha’s unrelenting touch.

natasha’s fingers continue playing with your nipple. she finds the exact roughness that makes you pant. you need more though. even as natasha tugs and pulls, rolling your nipple between her fingers, it only makes you crave more. you unexpectedly let out a low moan. natasha chuckles, pausing her fingers.

“you want more, puppy? it’s not enough? huh? speak.”

your eyes feel heavy as you lift them up to stare into natasha’s. you try your best to form coherent thoughts. but all you can do is nod and say, “yes.”

“yes, what? you’ll have to do better than that. c’mon. you can be a good dog. tell me what you want.”

“more. i need more.”

the response isn’t enough for natasha. she slaps her hand across your breast. immediately afterwards the hand is pressed and wrapped around your throat. you’re still reeling and recovering from the slap. natasha whispers in a firm and clear voice.

“i know there’s more thoughts in that head. you’re not completely a dumb slut. you know what i want. c’mon.”

natasha squeezes the sides of your throat. the additional pressure does nothing for forming those sentences she wants out of you. your thoughts are leaking out of you as the time passes. the more natasha demands of you and touches you—the more your wetness pools more into your boxers. but natasha is right. you do know what she wants. the demanding tone of her voice paired with her roughness makes it clear. you wish you could spit out a, fuck you. yet where would that get you?

you groan once natasha tugs you by the neck, your lips brushing against each other. “f-fine. fine. god. please…natasha…i need more. i need you to fuck me…please.”

“ah! good puppy! you did it! see? you just need to be trained.”

natasha crashes her lips into yours as soon as the last words leave hers. you both moan at the immediate contact. all the years of fighting and hatred built up for this one moment. everything momentarily made sense. it clicked. natasha doesn’t ask for permission as her tongue creeps into your mouth. her grip is still firm on your neck. you graciously allow the girl access without hesitation. with quickness natasha sucks on your tongue making the most obscene noises to grace your ears.

you’re not sure when it happened, but natasha’s free hand already loosened the button on your pants and the zipper. it’s only when you feel the girl’s hand cupping your soaked pussy through your boxers that you noticed. your hips instinctively buck into the girl’s hand. natasha bites your lip in retaliation. once her teeth are removed, you taste a familiar metallic taste on your teeth.

“what the fuck natasha?” you touch your lips, pulling away slightly, to inspect the blood.

natasha only smiles, revealing a little bit of blood on her lips too. natasha rises on her knees, not saying a word, as she rolls her black thong down her legs. she sits back down next to you, in order to remove it completely. your eyes sparkle hopefully. the idea of fucking natasha or even tasting the cheerleader drives you crazy beyond repair. but natasha has other ideas.

once her thong is secured in hand, natasha commands, “open up, mutt.”

you obey, naturally, as natasha crumples the thong into a ball and shoves it into your mouth. as your eyes widen both in disbelief and at the faint taste of natasha, the girl pats your head.

“dogs have to be muzzled until they learn to obey and listen.”

you cannot even process the magnitude of her words before natasha’s hand slides down your boxers. her fingers dance across your tiny bush. you widen your legs in response. you’re practically panting, like the mutt natasha claims you are. her fingertips are already met with your slick. you don’t even know how it was possible to already be this wet. you must’ve been turned on a lot earlier and faster than you realized. you hold your breath when natasha briefly circles your clit, but it doesn’t last long.

without much warning, natasha sinks two fingers deep inside of you. you almost choke on the spit gathering in your throat. natasha surprises you by leaning into your neck, kissing and biting your neck. your eyes practically roll into the back of your head. your moans are muffled but natasha can still hear them. she curls her fingers then starts pumping them languidly. it’s definitely her way of teasing you, making you desperate for more. and you are. natasha savors the feeling of your pussy snug around her fingers. how warm and wet you feel every time her fingers move inside you. with each stroke, natasha can feel more of your wetness pooling around them.

but it’s still not enough. you know it and natasha knows it. natasha peels herself off your neck, removing the makeshift gag. an immediate whine leaves your lips. natasha rolls her eyes at your desperation.

“beg, mutt.”

natasha’s fingers have stalled until she gets what she wants. the girl stares expectantly. waiting with a subtle smile on her face because natasha knows.

“please, nat, faster…harder…it’s not enough, please. please, i’ll be good.”

“you will? then say you’re a pathetic mutt. then i’ll consider it.”

tears form in your eyes, as natasha starts moving her fingers in and out of you again. only giving you small doses of what you want.

“c’mon, say it.”

“i’m…fuck…okay. i’m a pathetic mutt. please.”

natasha’s giddiness translates into a giggle. she cannot believe she’s able to push you this far. it was almost too easy. natasha pretends to think it over. you’re about to protest but the thong is back in your mouth. then her fingers slam into you repeatedly, over and over, unrelenting and with no hesitation. through your muffled moans and cries, you can hear the squelching sounds of your cunt being fucked. natasha captures her bottom lip between her teeth. you’re completely blissed out. your head tipped back, bare chest rising and falling dramatically and eyes barely open. natasha can feel you tighten around her fingers. you whine pathetically not wanting to come so quickly. but natasha doesn’t care. somehow her fingers move even harder, pushing you even further to the edge. then her thumb sloppily massages circles over your clit. that’s all it takes for you to see white. the gag pushes out slightly. you bite down on it once your orgasm reaches its head.

you can hear natasha laughing, but it all sounds underwater to you. her fingers never once stop their force and speed. it’s all becoming too overwhelming as you attempt to squirm and wiggle out from her grasp. natasha’s free hand finds the back of your head. her fingers tangle in your hair, forcefully jerking your head back.

“only i get to tell you when you’re done, mutt.” natasha seethes near your ear. a text chimes on both your phones. time must be up soon. natasha groans, pulling her fingers out of your cunt.

the sudden empty feeling makes you almost weep. you stare at natasha with widened eyes. you can’t tell if you’re embarrassed or still horribly turned on. natasha removes her underwear before wiping her wet fingers on your chest. you watch as natasha shoves her thong into her tiny purse.

“don’t just fucking look at me. get dressed.”

once you’re dressed and somewhat decent again, you open your camera, noticing your busted lip. there’s bite marks on your neck and a few small hickeys.

“what the fuck natasha…c’mon. how am i supposed to explain this to everyone?”

you angle your neck towards the girl. natasha barely acknowledges them and shrugs. her expression is indifferent. natasha doesn’t even bother replying because the van door opens. the boys all stare nervously, like they’re half expecting to find a dead body. natasha pushes you off to the side, scooting out of the van, as if nothing happened.

[liliththeimp]

sum ghosts hc’s :3 pt 1–SFW

Once again back at it with my SAS wife cos my brain is rotting like disintegrating cotton candy so here are some headcannons i made (posted on ao3 but thought they deserved a bit recognition here too lol)

Now these are just some personal hcs ive made or seen that i liked;

the numbered sfw hcs are going to tie into the nsfw hcs, for clarification!!

SFW:

He loves music, like anything 70’s to 90’s in a sense? Like, sum pink floyd or shinedown (ik but it stuck after an ai chat and i cant fucking let it go-) nu metal, death/black metal, gothic metal, throw in some thrash/groove metal- anything with metal really

Onto my next point, he’s good at guitar, like really good, he has a gibson guitar he named (idfk what he named it, probably after you tho lmao)^1

He’s a straight up asshole, like, blunt calls everyone cunts, he’s just a a British as shoe dude what did you expect. But the funny thing is, if you end up cursing him out like a sailo he will find that as a major turn on ^2

Simple man doesnt like complicated food, just a normal burger and fries and he’ll be grateful. And if you cook good luck he eats like a bear (how else u think he’s bulky???)

He likes winter over any season bc its the opposite of where he’s been, though allergies/sickness do annoy the shit out of him cus he sneeze into his mask and it pisses him off

Likes milkshakes and i won't expand on that.

He’s a big softy for like small gifts, he may not show it but that macaroni necklace he called stupid? He has it on his night stand so it wont get ruined. You got a bracelet you gave him three months ago? He wears it everyday.

Pretty testing and bully-ish, but will just become a stuttering mess when you tame him, the slight blush peeing through his balaclava will give you enough lee way to make him fall in love with you

“blink mf.” 

Stares down new recruits, no exceptions- when he sees you, he ends up staring more

Knows some ASL when he’s not exactly in a talkative mood (not gonna say non-verbal bc, i doesnt fit him? he’s just like middle finger up to say fuck you, thats his sign language lmao)

Pretty big book worm in his free time

Fast learner at anything, i imagine he has a hard time remembering shit bc of his trauma n shit will do that to ya, but if he watched something long enough he can get it down.

Likes some spicy food

Doesn't do video games, he just doesnt think their any fun

OMFG this man- he makes fucking BACON in his GRILLED CHEESE. I argued with him (literally only with a fucking AI bot like some looser but my point still stands;) about how that's an abomination, grilled cheeses are meant for, and paired ONLY with tomato soup, sometimes chicken noodle. but he believes it the most delicious thing, he’s not putting watered down ketchup next to his beautiful creation.

Stubborn and pouts easily, you say something he doesnt realize is a joke he hold onto that grudge. “Why are you so upset right now? What did i do?” He huffed, uncrossing his arms “you didnt hold the door for me and I slammed my face! You didnt even apologize!!” You blinked, lips pressing into a thin line “are you fucking 5.”

his love languages is more quality time than physical touch- but Jesus Christ this man will get clingy af once he trusts you (after he takes off his mask fully 4 the first time, he trusts you with his whole heart- dont break it pwease- hes hes jus a little guy)

Ok really like bully breed dogs, like his favorite.

loves to hold your hand, like if you wrap your hand around two of his fingers specifically, he’ll turn into a blush mess and so so prideful, (like big softy friendly giant who could totally crush you- and he’s like so gentle) ^3

Gives a lot of thought before he compliments you, like studies the way you do things- like, hair clips, clothes, colors, make up, shoes, etc etc, he loves to study your features.

Can cook- like, really good- but ends up ordering takeout or pizza cos he’s lazy

On his trips, like when he get deployed longer than a couple of months, he brings back sand for you from the places he’s been and you have a small shelf full of small files of the sand (unlabeled btw, you just know which is which)

tries not to get angry or lash out or get like, cold or distant with you bc he really cares he’s just scared of fucking up and you leaving once you see how broken he is

Does all those horrible jokes, his voice is slow and gruff and just- gravelly? Like, he talks like the Grimm reaper himself and makes a yo mama joke

Doesn’t know how to ask for attention so he’ll come up behind you and tug a strand of your hair or nudge you- shit he’s thrown pillows at you then stares at you with a straight face “cuddles.”

“Not arguing with a dude with big brown eyes. Like, whatever you say beautiful”

he loves eye contact wen talking about serious shit- like, complimenting you, or saying i love you, he wants you to look him in the face and understand how much he means it….yet you turn into a blushing stuttering mess when he does, and he laughs to himself ^4

Stares at ‘settings’ on his phone to avoid social situations. Argue with the wall.

in the thickest, most unintelligible, uninterpretable British accent possible “YA KNO’ WHAT YOU DIR’Y ‘ITTLE CUNT—”

Incoherent British slang, colonizer alphabet soup if you will.

plays hello kitty island adventure or cooking mama un-ironically

Can’t spell “gynecologist” (geneycologist/ gin-i-colo-gist) or “bologna” (balaonie/ balony)

If there’s ever a baby in the store or something, and the baby is staring at him, he’ll make funny faces (mainly cross his eyes and makes small sounds)

doesn’t think he’ll be a good dad, but still thinks about it- believes he’s not good enough for a family ^5

Anywho continue onto part 2 here for spic stuff you perv >:3

[catholic-character-tournament]

Round 1 - Side A

Galahad art credit @spiralstain

Propaganda below ⬇️

Junk Rat

I wish his Catholicism meant if he got killed in game it would take him 3 days to respawn

Galahad

OKAY SO . "Galahad (played by Jonny d'Ville): a travelling preacher/religious zealot who is told to sit in the Siege Seat by Merlin, and discovers the fact that Fort Galfridian is falling into the star Avalon. He sparks the quest for the GRAIL, and willingly goes to his death to overcome its final defences." DUDE SAT IN THE CHAIR THAT IS KNOWN FOR KILLING PEOPLE BECAUSE HIS CRUSH [MERLIN] [AKA HANGED MAN] [AKA DRUMBOT BRIAN] TOLD HIM TO . SORRY I THINK THATS REALLY FUNNY. he found out the whole shitshow of a spacestation he lived on was gonna fall into the sun and he went around yelling about it incomprehensibly and got fucking gunned down trying to get the GRAIL and just kept going through the gunfire because of how Religious [tm] he was . he died . in once and future king it just "galahad's blind faith" . also hellfire goes really hard . he is the definition of going insane with the knowledge of the universe . also jonny dville played him thats bonus points

There was a prophet. The prophet gave three separate people three separate instructions. 1. Stop being racist 2. Love your son 3. Sit in the Chair That Makes People Insane Galahad received number three. He was the only one who followed the instructions. He sat in the Chair That Makes People Insane, saw the sun for the first time, and immediately starts preaching about how everyone will burn in hellfire

i dont know anything about this guy i just wanna help make Kai happy please dont like not count my submission just because i dont know anythinf except for the Kills You Chair im trying my best im sorry 😭

his themesong is called hellfire and it slaps btw go listen to it. anyways he is my blorbo blingus he is Deeply unwell i could fix him but also whatever is wrong with him is incredibly fascinating to watch. a robot dude who's been hanging from the gallows since forever told him 'hey go sit in the Chair That Kills People Who Sit In It' and he was like 'I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT MY ENTIRE LIFE'. the getting-his-brain-fried thing definitely made him worse but he was also clearly kind of fucked up before that. his death is probably one of my favorite scenes in any mechs album. maybe just straight up my favorite. ahem. SAY WHAT YOU WILL ABOUT FAITH, BUT IT CAN HAVE POWERFUL EFFECTS ON THOSE THAT HAVE IT. IT CAN KEEP YOU FROM FALTERING AS THE BULLETS START TO SLAM INTO YOU. IT CAN KEEP YOU WALKING AS YOU LEGS ARE SHOT TO BLOODY STUMPS. IT CAN KEEP YOU LAUGHING AS YOUR LUNGS ARE FILLED WITH SHRAPNEL AND LEAD. IT CAN KEEP YOU SMILING AS HALF YOUR FACE IS BLOWN AWAY. IT CAN KEEP A MAN LIKE GALAHAD STANDING TALL UNTIL THE GUNS. CLICKED. DRY. anyways go listen to high noon over camelot <3

my friends my people my... flock I HAVE HAD A VISION!! A VAST FIERY ORB FLOATIN IN AN ENDLESS VOID!! and there so small so feagile US!!! BUT FALLIN FALLIN FALLIN INTO THE FLAMES!!! your soul is connected to the world youre in youre draggin it down with the weight of your sin surrounded by temptation and y'just give in we're fallin into the flames OF THAT FIRE THAT FIRE THAT HEEEEELLLLLLFIIIRE YOUR BROW BECOMES SLICK AS YOU PERSPIRE YOU THINK YOURE THIRSTY NOW WAIT TIL IT GETS DRIER AND YA FEEL THE HEAT OF THE FLAMES OF THAT FIRE THAT FIRE THAT HELLFIRE YOUR SICK AND SINFUL LIES WILL BUILD A FUNERAL PYRE YOUR PERVERSION SCARS THE STATION SON ITS GONAN FRY HER AND WE ALLLLLL FALL INTO THE FLAMES... oh i have SEEN DAMNATION MY BROTHERS!! ive FELT its searing heat within my VERY BONES !!!!!!! but there is a way me be saved... "OH TELL US FATHER GALAHAD, TELL US" I HEAR YOU CRY "IS IT PIETY IS IT PURITY IS IT VIRTUE?" NO!!! ONLY WAY TO SAVE US NOW IS THE HOLY GRAIL ITSELF... HAHAHAHAHHAAAA.... WELL THAT ORB OF DAMNATION MAKES THE SUN SEEM PALE YOURE QUITE CORRECT TO QUIVER YOU ARE RIGHT TO QUAIL THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE US IS TO FIND THAT GRAIL OR WE ALL FALL INTO THE FLAMES OF THAT FIRE THAT FIRE THAT HELLFIRE YOUR SKIN STARTS TO SIZZLE AS YOU EXPIRE YOU CLAIM TO BE VIRTUOUS BUT YOURE A LIAR !!!!! AND YOU FEEL THE HEAT OF THE FLAMES ... i said HEEEELLLLFIIIIRE HEEEEEEEELLLLFIRE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLFIIIIIREEE HEEEEEEELLLLLLFIIIIIIRE OF THAT FIRE THAT FIRE THAT HELLFIRE AT THE HEART OF THAT INFERNO THAT WILL NEVER TIRE IVE SEE THE END IS NIGH AND DAMNATIONS NIGHER OH WE ALL FALL INTO THE FLAMES

Ok i know this is kind of a shot in the dark because hes so obscure but i need to speak my truth. Hes so insane. The narrator calls him a “holy roller.” He has a vision which is meant to tell him that the place they live is LITERALLY going to get burnt to a crisp because its slowly falling into the sun. But hes like Oh my god i just had a vision of hell i need to save everyone from eternal damnation. And he happily gets killed and turned into a pile of slop because he believes its what he was “chosen to do” he quite literally dies for his religion. Hes also quite funny. I like him. Thank you

[broadway-heere-i-come]

hi my brain is kinda fried rn so i dont have much kleinsen to contribute rn but their peak dynamic to me is them getting involved in its always sunny type situations because thats basically cannon. they forged emails pretending to be a dead kid to cover evans stupid ass. they started a fraudulent charity together. you cant tell me smth like this hasnt happened before (probably not as bad but still). they think theyre sooo funny. well. they are

😭 Stopppp I have never once considered the events of canon through the lens of an "It's Always Sunny situation" and you're so right.

[mohgreal]

this was poorly worded you can ignore it

the ER fandom being so split after SOTE because of whether you like the dlc or not is so goofy to me somehow like hear me out

seeing people say that "people who dislike SOTE dislike it personally, it doesn't mean its bad" is weird to me because naturally if you dont like something, especially if you liked something about it before (the base game) then isnt it natural that you would have a reason to dislike it? like it being bad? its not bad to you if you like it, in that case if you like something (the dlc) then you're naturally going to think it's good. isnt this like common logic or did my last three mohgposting brainrotting braincells come together for this

and i dont think liking or even loving SOTE makes you a reddit npc miyazaki fromsoftware bootlicker either despite me personally not liking the dlc i just think everyone being split after a DLC is kind of both stupid and funny (to me) since it lowkey doesnt change that everyone loves the base game either way

but my point is if you dislike something you're think it's bad, and if you like something you're going to think its good. but when you also do it like that you're never going to come near a objective conclusion on anything either so i dont see the point of arguing that people with a different dlc opinion or something are just insert bad word my brain is too fried to think up when its besides the point of playing a game in general.

if the entire souls fandom only had the sterotypical bootlickers then fromsoftware would get too comfortable (which arguably already happened with how weirdly unfinished the dlc feels idk) and they would be like every other game company people complain about. if it was purely people saying how bad it was regardless if there were good things or not then fromsoftware would never be able to appeal to anyone by trying to appeal to everyone which in this scenario would be the marika forbidden souls players that dislike the games but still stay there

thats all for the delusional mohgreal yapping for today come back next tuesday for more

[real-odark]

Ur into oceans AND se hinton 😭?? I must be dreaming

YES!!!!! s.e. hinton is one of the biggest things that turned me into the person i am today aagahhhu her books hold such a dear place in my heart because they introduced me to so many things!!!!!!! i could talk about that for hours i love her stories and movies so much (i see ur matt dillon pfp?...,😈(

and oceans has literally been deep fried into my brain. engraved like a hot coal. its such an underrated series but so funny and all the characters r so ?2!2?3 AHH??? the storytelling and ,.,..wowa..,.. i dont watch heist movies but ocean's is like my christmas of heist movies

tee bee aych when i think u interacted with one of my posts rhe other day i saw ur pfp and what u said and went on to ur account like 👁️👁️👁️👁️👁️,,,, one of My Kind.....,,,..,,..,

[sadkois]

nishiki thonkin tonight

spoilers for kiwami. some rggo stories. but maybe not accurate spoilers cause i feel my brain meltin. also warning for complete nonsense... and blood? anyways.

thinkin about how nishiki was like. so competent at what he did?? mans knew everythin about how the yakuza worked back in the 80s... U COULD TELL HE WAS WELL INFORMED OF EVERYTHING. he knew about the ugly parts. he knew about majima. and he was the one explaining to kiryu everything asgdhj like lets say. the consequences in their line of work.

fUNNY how it was cause of kiryu that he got into the yakuza in the first place. he totally just followed kiryu into it and said "ok well sOMEONE needs to know what we are doing" cause yea kiryu was just followin kazama like a lil puppy (and nishiki followin kiryu, tho he's more like a cat i think. maybe. nishikitty..........)

bUT ANYWAYS what i was getting at is. he's very competent. so. him snapping and getting to be one of the BIG patriarchs (GET TO THE TOP!) isn't really a surprise. OF COURSE that brings me to the other point...

HERES THE THING. in kiwami we don't really see much of this competence do we? (ignorin the writing of the first game for a second ok, wORKIN WITH WHAT WE HAVE OK)

first it's like hes barely there, then you have his subordinates just. making HUGE mistakes, not actually achievin -doin- anything or even just. NOT listening to him at all. like when they killed yumis "sister" or the whole. reina and shinji.

OK SO. everyones got their onions 🧅 on rggo stories. FOR THIS THONK IM ASSUMIN MOST OF THEM DID HAPPEN. so in rggo we have that one story about what happened with reina and nishki when she tried to shoot him. and its like. nishiki didnt actually order for either of their deaths??? basically we had reina pulling a 'y0 nishikigun' on nishiki. and then well....

god i really gotta talk about reina and nishiki sometime cause i been thinkin about em a lot too. like reina liked him a LOT and i think nishki liked her too as a... sort of distant friend? does that make sense? idk what its called exactly. but yea i cant recall if they have ever interacted outside serena. (except from when they first met, another rggo story.. but that was like. a few minutes and then they were in serena lmao) it feels like a. 'i only interact with u when i come to this place' kinda deal. of course, goin there used to be constant until... not. nishiki totally distanced himself even more after the whole ordeal happened. and trust issues. (@ others? @ himself? yea)

crap. what was i talkin about. sEE THIS IS WHY I DONT AHSDJKL. what i was sayin is that, in that rggo story with reina, it just looks like nishiki's subordinates do NOT listen to him. at all. shooting at her when he keeps sayin "DON TSHOOT HER" "DONT KILL HER" "BRING HER BACK ALIVE"

SO BETWEEN THIS AND THE YUMI SISTER THING. WHY DOES NO ONE LISTEN TO HIM??? AND WELL. ok listen if im statinn the obvious im sorry, again. just writin down what im thinkin cause im tired.

but yea i think the most logical thing is that, the way he's been managing things for the last 10 years has been very different to what we see in kiwami. why else would his men resort to shoot first questions later. it's almos like that was the norm before... as if that's how things worked in the nishikiyama family all this time.

so anyways. nishikis been tryina be cool about it. so so cool about it. but the moment kiryu got out of jail messed him up SO BAD man. i always say this but, mans was just 100% avoiding kiryu as soon as he stepped out, and i bet ya he started acting different to what his fam is used to, too.

like imagine u work for this boss at idk. mcdonals. you are familiar with the routine and what they expect of u. ur boss specifically wants you to always make fries a certain way, at a certain time, he himself showed u how. this is routine. one day as you are makin the fries, its suddenly WRONG and boss is upset and kills u and u dont know wtf is going on. (u r dead) because thats what we usually do?? why is it wrong all of a sudden?

tHATS THE KINDA VIBE I GET FROM HE IN KIWAMI

aight imma be honest i cant recall if he already had this whole plan before kiryu got out. like, did he take kiryu into consideration or not. cause he either. 1. did not take into account kiryu would be here 2. did not think kiryu being here would mess up his plans THIS bad (and when i say this i mean mess HIM up so bad he cant go thru his original plan) 3. everything was actually supposedly part of his plan (HA, I DOUBT THIS. MAYBE HED SAY THAT BUT WE KNOW IT AINT TRU NISHIKI OK) im leanin to 2

you know that part when nishki's like "i was shaking when i shot kazama". like, that was only cause he knew kiryu would hate him if he actually killed him, right?? right???? LISTEN I KNOW ITS LIKE A THING OR JOKE THAT HES BAD WITH GUNS OR SOMEHTING BUT i actually like to think he got good with those? i prob read it in a fic but i really like that headcanon asgdhj, i feel like itd make sense too. and him missin the shot cause of shakin hands, is because of KIRYU and kIRYU ALONE. where his hands even shakin actually?? didnt he just say that?? nishikis just got that unreliable narrator vibe. NAH HES THE WHOLE UNRELIABILITY. AND WHATSMORE. HE HAD TO COME CLEAN TO KIRYU THAT IT WAS HIM THAT SHOT KAZAMA. HUH? WAS IT EATING YOU UP BOI??? did you need confirmation that indeed, kiryu would hate you for it??? "hES NOT DEAD YET" yea??????? yeaaaa?????????????

LIKE LOOK. the few rggo stories we have of the era between 1996 n 2005 show that he IS indeed very competent! and he has very good control of his fam! and we have the proof of it in kiwami as well, even if its more tell than show? kind of? BUT THE MOEMNT KIRYU IS OUT THIS ALL GOES OUT THE DRAIN. WE KNOW HOW EMOTIONAL NISHIKI IS. WE KNOW IT LEADS HIM TO TAKE NOT SO RATIONAL DECISIONS. (Y0 FOREST NISHIKIGUN FLASHBACK) and god he tried so hard didnt he.

like ok ill admit u got good at repressin ur emotions boi. or turnin them into anger. or keepin a poker face. closing urself off or really just, started seein everyhing as hopeless in a 'whats the point anymore' kind of way. a combo of everything?

in a way nishiki did end up killin himself along with matsushige, but i dont think he did completely. but that's what he convinced himself of. yea? does that make sense? DAMMIT U ARE SO COMPLEX I LOVE IT

thonks. U KNOW its not like anything went right back when he was more... emotional in a way?. i mean, he always did kinda hide his emotions huh? just in a different way.... i mean, when we are first introduced to him in y0, i dont think anyone expected anything like the forest scene from him. i remember being speechless. like oh my god. and i have to say i am BAD at understandin stuff. like i usually understand plots/etc when im watchin reactors play the game asfdghj. BUT MAN did that scene leave me stunned asgdhjk.

but yea with how gOOD everyone around him was at displayin emotions, it makes sense how he ended up :) ... that was sarcasm, im sayin eveyrone around him freakin sUCKS at emotin asgdh, and in fact he was like, looked down at for it. MAN HE DIDNT EVEN CRY THAT MUCH. I MEAN, HE WAS GOIN THRU THE WORST CRAP EVER ??? WHAT DID THEY WANT HIM TO BE A ROCK ASDJKL TO BE KIRYU i guess the two most role figures he had were always very :/ but man this is why i keep sayin he needed an ichiban in his life. it would have been so good for him... an emotionally mature guy, who isnt afraid to cry and show his love for others.

GOD NISHIKI LOVED SO MUCH. IT HURTS ME SO BAD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

the way nish is just like. tryina become what he knows yakuza are supposed to be like.... what they are like..... his big man suit.... agh

idk where this thonk went. it started as a yes nishiki is very competent and he only had L after L in kiwami because kiryu being back threw him off so bad. so so bad it ended up the way it did :( if they had just talked, like really talked..................

man idk if anyones readin this, asdhgjasd kinda embarassin. hello hi. u are cool. uhh here have this drawin i did months ago that i havent posted anywhere (IT WAS BEFORE THE NEW YEAR RGGO CARD. not like it isnt just a combo of his two hairstyles but i was still like GASP)

hohooo with my attempt at a post kiwami nish :) did u know i also have a vampire au from months ago. would anyone like to read about that. its incredibly self indulgent. yea sayin this at the end of this nonsense cause im a coward agsfdyhgiog

[fipindustries]

tagged by @st-justt-just these are always an issue for me because i dont have a "Playlist" of any kind, i just let youtube put together playlists on my recomendations page so with that in mind, lets see what comes up.

Bradinsky on violin - [tetris tengen] by bradis fuller - funny thing about this, you may hear it and think "ah yes, a song inspired by classical russian folk music". in reality is a fully original song made by the composer. hence the BRAD-insky.

Ya te vas a mejorar (speed up) - el cuarteto de nos - i like this version of the song about a guy who gets brain damage and becomes a chainsaw murderous maniac over the original. is not quite nightcore but its certainly more energetic.

Aikendrum - Ewan Maccoll - i got this out of a cute webcomic about jekyll and hyde. i have no idea what this song is about but i sure do love the scottishness of it all. aikendrum aikendrum is a great catchphrase.

As your father i expressly forbit it - Neil cicierega - the theme of this song is so weird for a neil cicierega song. is about such a intimate, mundane topic and the double punch of this and earn my life is actually kind of brutal to hear in spirit phone.

Noches de boda - Joaquin sabina - i fucking love the intro of this song by chavela vargas, i remember when i first heard this song i thought it was some old guy but no it was one of the most famous female singers from mexico. as an argentinian there is something delightful about hearing a spaniard and a mexican singing together like old friends. great fucking song to sing drunk out of your ass at 4 in the morning

El cisne que ladra - maria elena walsh - my love for children songs continues undaunted, specially the songs by elena walsh. there is something very otherverse about this song in particular because its about a thieving swan who goes to a lake one night and steals a treasure hidden in that lake. then the next morning when the sun comes out you cant see the treasure anymore because the swan stole it but it turns out the treasure were the night stars being reflected on the lake, its just so beautifully poetic

California heaven [mashup of california girls by kathy perry and heaven by envy, plus a bunch of other songs] - Jason rollins - i just discovered this guy a few weeks ago because he just started doing this a few months ago and he turned out to be such an incredibly strong entry in the genre of weird, deep fried, dense mashups. i highly reccomend to listen to the rest of his channel

Octopus garden -the beatles - i saw a documentary about why the beatles broke up recently and knowing that this song was composed by ringo as the team was going through deep tensions and fights about to separate makes this song so much more heartbreaking. ringo just wanted for him and his friends to get along and be happy on an octopus garden beneath the sea. jesus dude, me too.

Desaparecido - Manu chao - weirdly political song for what i usually listen to. a song about the experience of illegal immigrants living in the united states without papers. one funny thing about manu chao is that he is famous for many spanish songs that talk about the hardships of the latin american experience and the guy is fucking french. i genuenly could not have been able to tell just from listening to him.

Brindo por las mujeres - Los rodrigez - just a fantastic song by one of my favourite singers from my country, andres calamero. another great fucking drinking song to yell drunk off your ass with friends at 4 in the morning and frankly a great way to end this list

honestly i am rather proud of how incredibly ecclectic is this list, i think this is a pretty good crossection of the wide range of my musical tastes

im tagging @not-terezi-pyrope @ericvilas and @mrcatfishing

[t4tdanvis]

Dante selfcest rant 👀 👀

-@gendervoid-zane

im going to shove a couple (read: many) posts ive previously made about this here and then rant about it MORE bc im MENTALL ILL!!!!!

now AHEM

u see this could work with mcd dante ending up in the mys universe OR mys dante ending up in the mcd universe - or even they go back and forth between both!! either way could be very interesting and silly

with mcd dante ending up in the mys universe, it would be very funny to watch him try to figure out what the Fuck is going on bc mf has no idea what a phone or a computer is and is just so fucking confused. at first mys dante is more focused on going "hey wanna play video games!!!" to stop and process that mcd dante doesnt even know what a video game is. and then seeing mcd dantes confusion at Literally Everything he decides to sit down and try to explain things (unfortunately mys dante is Dumb - fortunately mcd dante is equally Dumb so mys dante going "this is a phone... it does... stuff.... you can call people!! idk how they made it able to do that tho dont ask me :D" is good enough for him)

on the other hand, with mys dante ending up in the mcd universe, itd be even Crazier because mys dante (who is used to having the internet and a car and big cities etc) is now stuck in the medieval era. thankfully mcd dante is here to help!! except he does a horrible job of helping bc he just goes "well im sure he'll figure everything out!" and then hands mys dante a sword - and is shocked when he ends up getting injured. mys dante doesnt mind because running around and throwing himself into danger is fun (especially when he gets to do that with a "friend" (read: boyfriend who he hasnt figured out hes dating yet))!! mys dante is also Struggling because adhd meds dont exist yet and his brain is completely fried and he can barely function until zoey figures out how to make potions thatll help. which leads to mys dante bouncing off the walls and mcd dante having to practically drag him to bed every night to get him to go to sleep, until mys dante Finally is able to function properly again

and, of course, the inherent romantic comedy of "i cant be in love with this other version of myself nope nope nope- oh god the other version of me is hot". the first time they kissed they stared at each other for a solid five minutes before mcd dante went "so uh.... yeah....." and mys dante just went "that was like... kissing myself. haha"

they are both Dumb and do not know how to function correctly around each other. they are mischievous silly little guys who cant stop getting into trouble and getting injured and doing stupid shit (but its ok bc their friends somehow keep them from getting themselves killed). and also they definitely tried to make out in a tree but ended up falling out of it and getting hurt. and at one point they tried to make out underwater and somehow didnt realize how stupid of an idea thatd be until they almost drowned. theyre gay and silly and dumb ur honor

this post was uhhhh way longer than id expected but thats ok ty for listening to me rant sorry it took a bit to type all this LOL

[nicegaai]

ahhhghgh im so nuts for my own au i have a collection of post-canon oneshots for the universe all planned out,. why do i keep writing these !!! i forget ab them until they resurface from my big misc thr document. i dont know what im gonna do w them like am i gonna ever publish these in any form... i dont knowww!!! but i love daydreaming them up

my favie-est that im confident will never be worked into the main storyline and therefore i have no guilt ab spoilers: emil expresses he wishes there was more romance in their relationship bcz he hasnt really experienced a proper romance, and sigurd decides to take him out on a Really Nice Date Night. emil doesnt catch on immediately bc its ooc of his brother obvi, and acts like a brat about the restaurant choice (hed rather go out for greasy fries or sm and this secrecy ab the location is suspicious, hes like ur fucking with me i dont trust like that) until sig calls emil his date to the waiter and that CHANGES EVERYTHINGGG >///<!!!!!!!! and then they go see a movie all romantic like, make out in the theater a little bit, and go back to their shared apartment. and they open the door yknow arms around each other and building up to Something and mathias in the other room is like YOOOO AHAHHA HEYYY GUYS.. my moms here!!!!!! come say hi!!!!! and theyre like. ah. shifting into platonic mode. hiiiiiiiiii we went to see umm a cool action movie with explosions in it. as brothers. and then emil is like Well i need to go do homework . nice to see you auntie love you well buye. bye now. goodnight. and sigu holds back on following him upstairs until auntie is gone bc he is responsible. and their walls are thin :[ and because she brought home cooked food which is really good

this oneshot probably doesnt end in sex because i think its funny as it is, but thats as far as i wrote so idk it could still end in an E rating. im just obsessed w making these two date while kind of acting like brothers. its about the. the dynamic................

i think about these three in their shared apartment an unspecified time in the future, and sufin living nearby and engaged with a dog and a backyard., SOOO much. and everything is ok between them. thats all i want. my vision .......... (the original vision was the five of them in a house together but ber in my brain decided to propose to timo and do their own thing and i love that for them)

my other favorite one is The One Where emil does a DNA test as a (college) class project and unearths some tea. that one is 3 dense pages of dialogue and is in bad shape bc i kept changing details lol

ughhhh. itll be nice when i get the story written. i need to go insane ab it again. i need to hammer out the next chapter in one sitting on 3 cups of coffee

[kingofpolynya]

Burnout or love?

Tumblr looks different now, but I'm still the same. Still working in academia, doing phytoplankton stuff, but not in Japan. I move back to the UK in December 2021 after getting offered a postdoc in Liverpool. Hopefully in January, I'll start my permanent job at the National Oceanography Centre - as a marine biogeochemical model developer. Funny how 11 years ago, I had my first interview to be an Oceanography student. Now I'm going to work there. Time flies..

Life in Japan was quite miserable. I cheated on my (now ex) boyfriend with a colleague. It was a short affair too, but he ended our relationship. I tried making new friends, but I feel sort of worthless that girls in Japan are all very skinny and very prim and proper. I stopped eating breakfast, which spiralled into not eating anything. I ran 5k every evening, and swam 3k 3x a week. I have never felt this pretty before, but everyone said I looked like a holocaust survivor. I still love my job, but I hated everyone (apart from my boss) there. So I need a way out, and I ended up applying for a postdoc with this famous professor, and thanks to divine intervention I got the post. My mother said I am allowed to move back to the UK if I got to normal BMI, so I tried. I even got myself a psychiatrist and a cocktail of mind altering drugs. I just cant stand being surrounded by skinny Japanese girl, so I tried my best. Eventually, I got back to normal bmi after 5 months, and I also got my (ex) boyfriend back, but not for long.

The first year in Liverpool was fun, I get to do 3D and very complex model with many state variables, and different nutrients and plankton component. People were impressed with what I have done, until I joined a cruise from the Falkland Islands back to Southampton in February 2022. It was a 6 week cruise. My (then) boyfriend wasnt keen on me joining the cruise but I enjoyed it a lot. I love the routine, and seeing different plankton swimming about, talking to different scientists, and do yoga almost every day. I have never felt like a scientist before. Almost every day I strive to do my best.

However, after the cruise, I feel like something snapped, and I cannot do science anymore. I feel like it's hard to go back to the normal routine of looking at model output and wondering what might be going on in 2100, under RCP8.5 scenario. My brain fried so hard I think I failed every task. My boss even snapped at me for not being able to ask the 'big picture question'. Perhaps I'm a bad scientist from the beginning and its just somehow lots of people have been carrying me around. I feel like everything is blank and bleak. Maybe I should quit science?

I started getting my 'consciousness' back a few months ago, and only started to grasp what is happening after repeatedly being told off by my boss (what a man with infinite patience). I am starting to grasp what I can do and slowly crawling back into the depths of hell. However, since I know my boss is not keen on me as a postdoc, I decided that I have to leave. So I apply for a different job, a permanent one, and a job where I, hopefully, does not need to ask big picture question. I like getting stuck in and do the coding, and plot my results so I can brainstorm with others to see what is wrong with plankton? Why are things happening like this? I suppose I will never be at my boss' calibre.

Now everyday feels like I'm just trying to survive. I'm starting to hate going to the office and make small talk. I used to enjoy swimming, now it feels like a chore. Eating or cooking isn't enjoyable anymore. Cakes taste stale. I am living on microwaved rice and instant noodles. I dont want to be too skinny again, because I have never swam this fast. The pills that kept me sane dont seem to do their job anymore. All I want is just lay in bed and not doing anything, and cry.

I initially thought that I am starting to lose my sanity because I met someone on the cruise, and fell in love. I split up with my (ex) boyfriend just before I stepped on to dry land, to be with this guy. It worked and fortunately he loves me to. He moved in not long after we finished the cruise. I have never been with someone I love, and maybe this whole 'my brain is broken' thing is because my brain chemistry is not in balance. But I dont know, with him around life do get a bit easier, but all i want to do is just joking around with him and go for long walks on the beach. I cant be bothered doing science anymore, or even just living in general. Have I been showing symptoms of burnout?

I hope my new relationship will last forever. I do hope that he can see me shine, and stays in love with me. I hope my new job will bring me a some happiness, and can make me shine brighter than before.

[cdmodule]

(OSC ask meme - IK I PICKED A BUNCH feel free not to answer all of them!!) 2, 3, 7, 13, 14, 16, 22, 36, 38, 39, 40

NO IM SO GLAD I LOVE ANSWERING SHIT I will put this under read more tho From this post

2 - Least favourite show? Already answered! (Its object terror) 3 - Underrated show? LEGENDARY ADVENTURES FOREVER ^^ Short so far, but REALLY funny stuff in that show. Some of the jokes can fall a Little Flat to me but its never anything bad LOL. GOT SOME RLY FUN CHARACTERS TOO If u have a bit of time to watch an object show Id say watch this one. Partially cuz of my Next Point (Honorable mention: ACTOE) 7 - Underrated character? Snowy LAF <3 I feel like a lotta ppl I know would like this guy. I tend to be Biased towards short high pitched voice Guys anyway (also hes gay. Like canonically. Just wanted to mention this cuz Its a Win For Me) 13 - How many characters do you think should be in an object show ideally? Something between 10 and 20 usually seems Fine to me. Anything above that kinda Crunches my brain unless Its a case like BFDI where its More Over Time Over Years but thats . Really just an exception to the rule TBH 14 - What do you care about most in an object show? Simple Answer probably but I wanna be able to tell that ppl are just Having fun and putting passion into their shows. Everything else I can Give Or take. Object shows are really just passion projects between very few ppl and should be treated as such I feel like memorable character designs could be pretty important too, this can be Tricky sometimes cuz No One Owes An Object but theres many ways to make em stick out from another Same object 16 - A show/character you love that everyone else hates? HFGHHHHH SPANGE . SPONGY. HE IS MY BABYGIRL. I would f/o him If I didnt already have two f/os. Both the show and fanbase treat him SO bad for no good reason (Him being mean after everyone bullied him is justified imo). Like Its gotten to a point where I hold back from talking abt him in servers cuz Im afraid of ppl making Annoying Uncalled for rude jokes or "well he sucks" kinda comments (yes this has happened before god fucking help me). I could go More into this but maybe thats for its Own post. Only maybe though 22 - What character has the best design?

Just two designs I quite Like cuz I cant think of other ones rn Mace the Merciless (Paper puppets take 2) cuz Im gay Love Lock (The Almost Valentinesly Object Show) cuz Im Gay AND I like the little lock mouth :) Also honorable mention: Loser <3 36 - Favourite scene? I could use one with one of my faves/fave ships but thats TOO EASY . So Ill mention the pin and coiny Pep Talk scene in bfb 6 cuz It makes me EMOTIONALLLL theyre the sweetest ever. Im sure theres other ones I like a Lot but this one just sticks with me the most 38 - Favourite rarepair? LEAFPIEEEE Leafy and Pie is a complete Crack Ship AND ALSO SNOWFRIES but both work GREAT imo. I brainrot abt these occasionally ESP SNOWBALL AND FRIES I was suprised that no one before me and nate (and sal hi sal) thought of this ship Leafy and Pie complete each other Very Well. Snowball and Fries make good Old Man Yaoi Also technically WinnerLoser is a rarepair cuz most ppl hc them as enemies or siblings LOL 39 - Favourite villain/antagonist? Four cuz I need them carnally etc (Ignoring post split cuz Its so lame how everyone just forgave him NO GET HIS ASS!!! HE SUCKS!!!!! THATS THE WHOLE APPEAL!!!!!!!!!!) I dont have time or energy to go Deeper into the Four Appeal but u can probably guess. Hes fun <3 40 - Overall thoughts on the community? I'm too old for this