#i dont think i look good when i’m underweight & i actually liked my body way more before but i’m still so scared to gain

[disengaged]

recovery win! rewatched million dollar baby and got so jealous of hillary swank’s arms that i convinced myself to eat lunch

[kolsmikaelson]

I'll be honest I never really talked about this. But it feels like a good time to share what I've been through.

This may trigger someone so please be careful yall

I am a plus sized girl with brown hair, due to health issues I always have been and always will be a plus size girl. And that would be okay. If it weren't for the constant storm of criticism I'd get from outside, telling me to just stop eating or calling me names such as stranded whale or telling me to go back to my brothers and sisters, cows. It made my life miserable. And even now, almost 10 years later, I still get nightmares about my experiences from kindergarten and elementary school. When I got older, the criticism changed. It went from these things to "Well if. You don't do anything about it now, no one will want to marry you. And we don't want that, do we?" My own mother, who I'd had explained my issues to multiple times looked me in the face and said, when you stay looking like that, I'll never get grandchildren." I am now a 19 year old woman. And these things have not stopped. I am a Virgin who never had an relationship or even close to it. I never even kissed before.

So dear blondes who think it's not hard for people who aren't blonde and stick thin to live up to societal expectations. Please read this and think again. Because after having been told I am not good enough by everyone around me. It should not be a surprise that many brunettes, plus size people of all kinds and POCs are as insecure as they are. Us criticizing who a boy is following has nothing to do with you blondes. Because even if you say 'well actually..' The whole word has been made for you as a women. So maybe think about how we others feel who aren't the sociatal standard.

hi anon, i wanna start this off by saying that i am so so sorry that you’ve gone through that. i may not know exactly how you feel but i know how it is to be criticized over your own body when it isn’t something you can control. personally i am way underweight for my age. and most of my life i’ve been told a lot of shit about ‘oh go eat a cheeseburger’ or ‘ you need to gain weight, youre too skinny’ so i kind of have the opposite experience than you i guess? but anything along those lines wether it be what you go through or what i do can be so damaging. obviously i’m not old enough to even pretend like anyone in my life is thinking about marriage for me but i wanna say that you should not listen to that bullshit. you will find the one for you. it may not be now, and it may not be next year or anytime soon but it’ll happen. and as for what you said your mother said, she does realize if you were able, you could adopt? you dont need a man in your life for that. as for the ‘to blondes’ part, i agree with what you said. the way it is now, with social media and all that portrays that the ‘bleach blone blue eyed white girl twig’ is what all guys want. it makes girls like me, and you and so many other girls insecure about ourselves. all because we either dont have the hair, or the eyes, or the skin color or any of that stuff. it really, really sucks. especially when everyone is like ‘oh my god girls have it so easy’ or when someone says ‘ oh hush, all the guys want you’ or anything along those lines, they don’t understand that most guys show that they DO want the bleach blonde blue eyed girl. so please, if youre a blonde that thinks ‘oh i’m so ugly no guys want me’ or anything like that. please rethink.

[parasolids]

my mom told me she always gets on my case about my weight because when i was in middle school, a doctor told her i was at a seriously concerningly high weight, like, over 90th percentile. and i didnt believe that because i used to play wii fit all the time as a kid and i’d always land squarely in the normal bmi range, underweight before i hit puberty, but also i’m not a doctor and idk how much i weighed when i was 12 and maybe i got chubby before getting taller. either way, my mom’s always constantly come after me over my weight since i was 11ish, and i know she does it with good intentions, but i ended up with a weird relationship with my body and with food which sucks but what can ya do. doesnt help that i have broad shoulders and feel suuuuuper uncomfortable in fitted clothing, so i only wear oversized loose tshirts and hoodies, so i DO look pretty big.

but anyways, my mom just ran into that chart again, and i was 97............ pounds. not 97th percentile like she thought. i was straight up on the 50% line. i wasn’t dangerously overweight. i was literally as average a weight as possible for someone my age. i’ve lived like this for the past 10 years because my mom doesn’t know how to read percentile charts. dontcha hate to see it

but......... i’m also getting better at Being Okay With My Body! there are still changes i’m trying to make, but some of those are just gender and some of those i’m more okay with not having now. i look in the mirror at my big belly and broad shoulders and... even if it’s ugly, i like the person i see in the mirror. been working out too which actually makes my brain release some endorphins for once, and it helps me see my body more as a tool, because it’s really, really nice to FINALLY pull off an exercise that you couldn’t do before. think i finally got down to the root cause of all the Weird Eating my brain’s been convincing me to do on and off for the past year and a half, and while i don’t know how to stop it completely, at least i know where the real issue lies. still nice to look at my body and to not only just be okay with it, but to actually think that what im seeing looks good. 

i dont think my moms ever gonna figure out that Telling Me I’m Getting Fat Is Bad, Actually and that it actually makes me want to take care of my body less. which blows cause i know she has good intentions but it will almost unfailingly ruin my habits for a while. but she’s always been saying that, even when my weight was the same, even when i was losing weight, so that helps for putting less stock into it.  just gotta figure out how to stay where i’m at right now, looking in the mirror and thinking this is good, i am good.

[garagegirl]

I have BDD

I used to get bullied for being on the heavier side. For not being the skinny friend.

For being the fat friend.

Before all my health issues and my change in my metabolism/thyroid and my surgeries and medicines... I was on the bigger side.

I was also “normal” ...

*********************

No I’m not “some skinny bitch” calling myself fat because I want compliments and attention.

On my bad days, I truly think I’m fat. I dont see what everyone else sees. I dont see what my drs see. I dont see what I want to see.

I truly can not see myself how I am because of have body dysmorphic disorder.

Some days arent as bad as others. Some days I’m more distracted or less stressed, so I’m less conscious of my body and my contant obsession over flaws.

On bad days... Its all I can see. Its all I can feel. Its all I can focus on.

The number on the scale doesnt mean a thing.

I have body dysmorphic disorder.

The size of my pants doesnt mean a thing

I have body dysmorphic disorder.

My drs telling me I’m underweight...

DOESNT MEAN A THING.

I HAVE BODY DYSMORPHIC DISORDER.

People telling me I need to gain weight?

Being picked on in a jokingly way by my family and friends becuase I’m “so tiny”

Have thighs that dont touch

Being able to fit into childrens clothes

Being called “smol” and “dainty” and “tiny”

Being told “you weigh like 20lbs dude”

None of this means a thing.

None of it.

Because I cant feel and see any of this.

I feel heavy and I see someone of larger size when I look in the mirror. I pick at the fact that I could be smaller, rather than I could be bigger.

I weigh 96lbs, my dr wants me at 118.

I dont see myself as “you could gain weight” “you could be a little bigger”

I see

“But you could be even smaller!”

“You could lose a little more”

And even when I attempt to eat more on the normal side, I still cant gain a lb, due to other health issues.

So the way I see it, why not just do what makes ME feel good?

What makes me feel how I want to.

And see how I want to.

But then I remember, I have body dysmorphic disorder...

And I know no matter how small I am, I’ll never see what everyone else sees.

And ill probably struggle to accept my flaws for the rest of my life, rather or not they are actually there.

But today? Today is a bad day.

And it fucking sucks.

It really fucking sucks.

[ahmuteun]

1-140 :)

I switched the format to bullets cause numbers were annoying to deal with lol sorry

3 Fears 

not graduating on time/ failing

idk i dont have many fears

3 things I love

my dog

my family

my friends

2 turns on

im not gonna include being attractive cause that feels like a given so sense of humor

plays piano or guitar

2 turn offs

being an asshole

bad hygine 

My best friend

cat and jen

Sexual orientation

bi

How tall am I

5′2

What do I miss right now

idk no one really cause i got to see my family today and i just got back from seeing jen

i guess jacob and tim?

Favourite color

blue!! :D

Do I have a crush

lmfao no

Favourite place

my college town

What am I listening to right now

a lets play lol

Shoe size

7 or 6.5 depending

Eye color

brown

Hair color

black/ dark brown

Meaning behind my URL

alliteration lol

Favourite song

i have too many

Favourite band

shinee? i dont really know lately

How I feel right now

sleepy lmao

Someone I love

my brothers and mom

My current relationship status

hoe lmao

My relationship with my parents

good with one and not so good with the other

Favourite season

fall or spring

Tattoos and piercing i have

tattoo on my forearm and one piercing on each ear

Tattoos and piercing i want

tattoos: theres a few lol

piercings: none

The reasons I joined Tumblr

because it looked like fun and for fandoms

Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

i get goodnight texts/ snaps sometimes 

Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

no

How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

it depends, anywhere from 10 minutes to 45 

Have you shaved your legs in the past three days?

yep

Where am I right now?

jaden’s room

Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

reasonable but sometimes loud

Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

i live in my apartment at school but other than that with my momma

Am I excited for anything?

this festival thing next weekend but also lowkey worried for it lmao

Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

uhh yeah i do

How often do I wear a fake smile?

whenever im uncomfortable i guess

If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

someone who will pay off my tuition and loans

What do I think about most?

freaking out drama stuff i guess?

although thats mainy just been these past few weeks

Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

i only really like being in front aslong as it’s with other people

What was the last lie I told?

ummm probably something about my drinking or “love life” to my family

Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

i dont mind either but probably phone call so i dont have to worry about what i look like

Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

lol ghosts, oh the irony

but yes to both

Do I believe in magic?

nah

Do I believe in luck?

ehhh kind of

What’s the weather like right now?

hot as balls and im not here for it

What was the last book I’ve read?

im reading the simpsons and their mathematical secret rn and i like it a lot

Do I have any nicknames?

way too many lmao

Do I spend money or save it?

it used to be save but as of lately ive been spending way too much money sooooooooooo lol fuck me

Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

nope

Favourite animal?

my doggo

What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

talking to jen

What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

idk twice songs i guess??

What is my favorite word?

i dont have one

My top 5 blogs on tumblr

idk lol 

everyone i follow, how about that lmao

If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

stay hydrated and i take donations

Do I have any relatives in jail?

not to my knowledge

What is my current desktop picture?

isnt it so cute? :D

Had sex?

yeah

Bought condoms?

yeah

Gotten pregnant?

no thank fuck

Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

nope

Had job?

yes i had job

Smoked weed?

nope, but my mates want me to smoke with them next weekend

Smoked cigarettes?

nope

Drank alcohol?

yepppp lmfao

Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

nahh

Been overweight?

not technically

Been underweight?

nah

Gotten my heart broken?

nope

Been to prom?

yep

Been in airplane?

yep

Learned another language?

yep

Wore make up?

almost everyday

Dyed my hair?

nah, i thought about it tho but i bitched out

Had a surgery?

um i mean my wisdom teeth got removed, does that count?

Met someone famous?

yeah i did on two occasions it was dope

Stalked someone on a social network?

i think so? idk

Been fishing?

yeeeee

Been rejected by a crush?

ive never shot my shot nor have i had an actual crush in years so no

What do I want for birthday?

realistically, nothing

Do I like my handwriting?

eh i mean it’s okay but not really

Where do I want to live when older?

idk but i wanna stay on the east coast

Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

sneaking out: no cause ive never snuck out, not technically i guess

doing something bad: i mean it depends on your definition of “getting caught” but yes

wait it’s a definite yes lmao whoops

What I’m really bad at

everything probably lol

but specifically lying i guess

What my greatest achievements are

choreographing modern with chris in march and it went really well i was so proud of my dancers

idk if this counts but this past year i partied with some of our schools football players and lydia paek told me that she wants some of my butt so basically i’ve peaked 

The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

honestly idk, i probably agreed with them 

What I’d do if I won in a lottery

pay off my loans/ debt

pay off my mom and brothers’ debt

get my mom a house and vacation to the phillipines cause she really wants to go

get my mates gifts

invest

What do I like about myself

uuuuummmmmmmm 

My closest Tumblr friend

idk lol

Any question you’d like?

lol welp

Are you outgoing or shy?

in the middle i guess but probably more on the outgoing side

What kind of people are you attracted to?

attractive people with nice smiles i guess??

Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

lmfao god no

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

nah but it depends on the context 

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my mom and brother??

What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“rip”

What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

eric nam - honestly

amine - heebiejeebies

hyorin - dally

blackpink - ddu du ddu du idk how its spelled

john mayer - new light

hayley kiyoko - what i need

cardi b - i like it

yoon mi rae’s entire gemini 2 album

this is more than five i know but theyre all bops and u should listen to them if you havent already

Do you like it when people play with your hair?

yes but only if i know them

Do you think there is life on other planets?

yes, even if it’s just bacteria

Do you like bubble baths?

no i actually really dont like baths

Do you like your neighbors?

i dont really know them

Where would you like to travel?

korea/ asia

Favorite part of your daily routine?

talking to my mates

What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

which part aren’t i uncomfortable with lmao

What do you do when you wake up?

turn off my alarm or look at my phone usually

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

well my arms got tanner cause i drive with my arm out the window so i wish my arms were lighter so it would match the rest of my body again lol

Do you ever want to get married?

lmfao can we not talk about future commitments?

cause no probably not

If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

do u mean is my hair long enough? cause yes

Would you rather live without TV or music?

tv

Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

yeah when i was like 12

What are your favorite stores to shop in?

forever21, and h&m probably

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

it depends on the situation

Do you smile at strangers?

sometimes

Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

well i mean the cat is already out of the fucking bag for the one thing (well one of the things) i was desperately trying to hide soooooo

Ever wished you were someone else?

when i was younger but not in recent years

Favourite makeup brand?

for foundation i like fenty and tarte

for lipstick smashbox and i also liked kat vond but she is against vaccienes sooooooo

Last thing you ate?

chips lol

Ever won a competition? For what?

idk

Ever been in love?

i thought i was but eehhh i dont know anymore oh well 

Facebook or Twitter?

twitter

Twitter or Tumblr?

i use twitter more so twitter

Are you watching tv right now?

nah

What colour are your towels?

white

Favourite ice cream flavour?

i dont have a favorite

First person you talked to today?

uummmm my mom?

Last person you talked to today?

chris

Name a person you hate?

i dont hate people but im really pissed with justin rn

Name a person you love?

my mom

Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

fuCKING JUSTIN

Do you tan a lot?

lmao no

Have any pets?

yes and i love him

Do you type fast?

eh its a moderate speed

Do you regret anything from your past?

lmao yepppp

Ever broken someone’s heart?

oooohhhhhhh boy, yeah kind of....

Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

no

Is cheating ever okay?

on people, no

Do you believe in true love?

idk

What your zodiac sign?

gemini

Do you believe in ghosts?

i answered this already

Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“geeky mathematician with a master’s degree. By contrast, when he” from the simpsons and their mathematical secrets :D

[b0stonmanor]

since yall kept fuckin asking heres 1-155. Go ahead and see how fucking lame I actually am

1: Full name: Madison Lyn (I’m not putting my last name on the internet lmao)

2: Age:19

3: 3 Fears: heights, elevators, being alone for the rest of my life 

4: 3 things I love: cats, coffee, sleeping

5: 4 turns on: (I’m gonna make it nonsexual okay): body mods, humor, good vibes, nice laugh

6: 4 turns off: (gonna make these nonsexual too): rude, nasty, conceited, takes days to reply lmao

7: My best friend: girl: @bohoangel guy: @bostonnanner

8: Sexual orientation: pansexual

9: My best first date: haven’t had a best one yet, need someone to change that lmao

10: How tall am I: 5′8

11: What do I miss: lots of things and people both too many too name

12: What time was I born: 2:06am

13: Favourite color: blue

14: Do I have a crush: still crushin on my last man

15: Favourite quote: either some vine or “I’m here for a good time not a long time” I have way too many favs

16: Favourite place: my room, best friends house, or beach house

17: Favourite food: buffalo chicken or alfredo

18: Do I use sarcasm: of course not 

19: What am I listening to right now: music ;)

20: First thing I notice in new person: smile

21: Shoe size: no

22: Eye color: hazel

23: Hair color: naturally brunette currently red

24: Favourite style of clothing: gothic, pop punk or hippie/boho

25: Ever done a prank call?: I havent personally 

27: Meaning behind my URL: I needed to change my url of 8 years and I wanted something short and easy to remember but I also wanted it to be a band so it would fit my blog and surprisingly this one wasnt taken

28: Favourite movie: I have way too many 

29: Favourite song: again way too many

30: Favourite band: AGAIN way too many

31: How I feel right now: I feel fucking exhausted 

32: Someone I love: okay now Im sad 

33: My current relationship status: okay NOW Im crying but single

34: My relationship with my parents: welp my dads dead and my mom and I are okay

35: Favourite holiday: Halloween or Christmas

36: Tattoos and piercing I have: no tattoos yet and I have my nose pierced and first and second holes pierced on my ears

37: Tattoos and piercing I want: too many

38: The reason I joined Tumblr: I was 12 that should be enough

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?: No. In fact I could never hate him and I dont think I’ll love anyone like I did/do him.

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: eh sometimes

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? last text over imessage yes

42: When did I last hold hands?: I have no idea

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?: I dont do anything really so not too long

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?: dont out me

45: Where am I right now?: my room

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?: @bohoangel

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?: both

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?: mom

49: Am I excited for anything?: nah

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? @bostonnanner

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?: eh

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?: yesterday

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?: I mean idc but it’d just be fucking weird cause they’re kissing in front of me 

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?: plenty of people lmao

55: What is something I disliked about today?: I’ll do yesterday since today hasnt really happened. But it was fathers day and my heart was hurting so bad cause I miss my dad more than anything and really wish he was still here

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: my fuckin soulmate bitch

57: What do I think about most?: in all honesty, my ex

58: What’s my strangest talent?: I can do this smile thing that nobody else can do and it makes me look like a frog

59: Do I have any strange phobias?: probably

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?: in front

61: What was the last lie I told?: that I was a child of God

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?: video chatting but I dont mind either

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?: fuck yes and fuck yes

64: Do I believe in magic?: I’m a god damn witch bitch

65: Do I believe in luck?: I believe in karma

66: What’s the weather like right now? according to my phone its currently clear and 61 degrees

67: What was the last book I’ve read?: I have no idea

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?: eh

69: Do I have any nicknames? Maddie, Mad, Mads

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?: I had a staph infection in my foot that went back and forth across my foot and then up my leg (doctor said if my mom didn’t bring me when she did I would’ve died cause it would’ve gone to my heart)

71: Do I spend money or save it?: spend it 

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?: nope

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? ye

74: Favourite animal?: cats

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?: I have no idea

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?: oh shit I’ve never thought of this

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?: good question

78: How can you win my heart?: Be Italian 

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? I honestly have no idea

80: What is my favorite word? bitch

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: I get asked this way too much

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?: probably some hippie bullshit

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?: I’ve had relatives in jail but I dont think anyones in jail rn

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? theres too many lmao

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? probably if I’ve smoked or drank or have done anything bad but only if my mom was asking

86: What is my current desktop picture? its just basic 

87: Had sex?: nah

88: Bought condoms?: nah

89: Gotten pregnant?: nah

90: Failed a class?: nah

91: Kissed a boy?: ye

92: Kissed a girl?: ye

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?: nah

94: Had job?: ye

95: Left the house without my wallet?: ye

96: Bullied someone on the internet?: nah

97: Had sex in public?: nah

98: Played on a sports team?: ye

99: Smoked weed?: ye

100: Did drugs?: nothing hardcore just smoking weed

101: Smoked cigarettes?: nah

102: Drank alcohol?: ye

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?: I’ve tried

104: Been overweight?: no answer

105: Been underweight? also no answer

106: Been to a wedding?: ye

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?: ye

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?: ye

109: Been outside my home country?: nah

110: Gotten my heart broken?: of course

111: Been to a professional sports game?: ye

112: Broken a bone?: ye

113: Cut myself?: ye

114: Been to prom?: ye

115: Been in airplane?: ye

116: Fly by helicopter?: nah

117: What concerts have I been to?: pink, metallica/volbeat, warped tour 2016,2017,2018, jingle ball, some birthday bash, I cant remember if I’ve been to any other ones lmao

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?: not entirely 

119: Learned another language?: not fully

120: Wore make up?: ye

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?: I’m a child of god

122: Had oral sex?: nah

123: Dyed my hair?: ye

124: Voted in a presidential election?: not yet

125: Rode in an ambulance?: couldve a couple times but my parents decided to drive me

126: Had a surgery?: nah

127: Met someone famous?: I guess? 

128: Stalked someone on a social network?: who doesnt do this

129: Peed outside?: ye

130: Been fishing?: ye

131: Helped with charity?: I think so

132: Been rejected by a crush?: who doesnt get rejected

133: Broken a mirror?: probably

134: What do I want for birthday?: lots of things

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?: I have no idea

136: Was I named after anyone?: No but I have the same middle name as my aunt

137: Do I like my handwriting?: ye

138: What was my favorite toy as a child?: I have no idea

139: Favorite Tv Show?: American Horror Story, Bob’s Burgers, The Office, or Drunk History

140: Where do I want to live when older?: New Hampshire

141: Play any musical instrument?: I can play the violin and piano and can also sing but idk if that counts lmao

142: One of my scars, how did I get it?: its barely noticeable but literally right under my left eye (like right at the edge of my dark circle lmao) I got attacked by a dog and it bit me in the face and I had to get stitches but I bitched out and had it glued instead lmao

143: Favorite pizza topping? cheese

144: Am I afraid of the dark?: depends where I am

145: Am I afraid of heights?: ye

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?:nah

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?: haha yeah

148: What I’m really bad at: everything

149: What my greatest achievements are: I fucking graduated from high school. Like I would never wish what I went through on anyone ever not even my worst enemy. It was worse than hell

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: I honestly dont remember 

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery: lots of stuff

152: What do I like about myself: my eyebrows

153: My closest Tumblr friend: I cant say @bohoangel cause I’ve known her since 5th grade so I’ll say @bostonnanner even though we met on omegle years ago lmao

154: Something I fantasize about: lots of things

155: Any question you’d like?: literally whatever anyone wants to know

[phoenixturtle7]

umm so tw weight, workout, body image, mentions of eating disorders and a lot of my personal complaining i guess

I used to be of average weight and build (5'4, 127 lbs) and I did have a bit of tummy but I never had any problems with my body image, I always felt fine. I knew that I was binge eating a lot, so I started eating healtier (nothing obsessive or bad, I simply ate less junk food and stuff) and I didn't even notice that I've lost any weight (I didn't notice anything about my body and I also never weigh myself) until we had to see our weight at school and I turned out to be 111lbs.  I was quite shocked but didn't think about it too much. This was I think when I was 16. (im 17 now)

Later I started getting comments about being too skinny. My best friend and my mom kept telling me that I was too skinny. i didn't find myself skinny, I also didn't find myself fat. I didn't think anything has changed. My other best friend was a bit overweight so she started working out and eating healthier, and she lost 20 pounds. I didn't even notice her transformation until someone pointed it out and I saw some older pictures of her. That's when I started feeling bad about not working out.

That was the first time I was insecure about something about my body. Before this, I didn't care about eating healthy and working out. Then at age 14 maybe I always unfollowed people who led healthier lifestyles and worked out. Now I realized that it was because I was completely jealous of them. The other best friend who was making comments also sarted to work out, and that's when I started feeling completely worthless for not doing the same.

I also started to notice that I was significantly skinnier than before. I tried on a crop top and took a picture, and I had a flat tummy. Even though I still felt great about my body, the comments started getting to me. I posted a pic in a crop top on Instagram (which is a huge thing for me, since I never post any pictures of myself anywhere because I'm insecure about people thinking that I'm narcissistic - that’s another thing -), and a girl that I dont like (and who has a great body) told a guy behind my back that "my ass looks exactly like my stomach..flat". I felt like I looked fine but because of also not noticing my friend's weightloss, I thought that maybe only I think I'm fine because I'm simply unable to see my body changing, and in reality I'm really skinny.

When we had to look at our weight at school again, I turned out to be 108lbs (which is almost underweight). All my friends saw as well. I didn't say anything to anybody about it, but I felt incredibly concerned. I hated that other people saw me differently than I did. I started working out at home in secret (not for weightloss, only to build some muscle) and I also decided to eat a lot of foods rich in protein. Then I bought some great protein powder. Although I didn't see any change in my body, I felt way stronger and I didn't get as sore after working out as I used to.

I'm now convinced that my friend who lost all the weight also thinks that I'm too skinny (she's more than 25 pounds bigger than me, same hight, big butt, big tatas.. she looks amazing). I became jealous of her. First I thought she looked good because of her workout, and she also says she looks like that because of the muscle she's gained but now I think she looks the way she looks because of the amount of fat in her body. Now I'm at a point where I started eating excessive amounts of junk food again in order to gain some more weight and I don't think it's healty. I haven't gained any weight yet, but it's still unhelathy. It's also bad because I do know that I wouldn't have started eating more if it wasn't for other people mocking me. Now I'm not sure if they've led me on the right path, or they just messed with my body image and I'm about to fuck myself up with the junk food.

That's basically it, I wanted to share this because I was thinking about it a lot lately but I don't want to tell any friends or family, but I had to get it off my chest somehow. I'd also like to say that I'm physically fine, I'm not anorexic, I'm not bulimic, I'm not underweight (i dont think so at least), and I'm also not fat. My body image has changed dramatically, AND for the worse, and I know I clearly still have a dilemma about eating junk food and stuff, but I actually think that I may be able to figure it out myself? hopefully? anyway I'm saying this because I really didn't post this to ask for advice, I just feel way better if I finally get it off my chest.

Thank you for reading this. I hope you're doing good. If you maybe have some problems, you can message me anytime, it might take long for me to reply (exams are coming up and all that, I'm literally procrastinating right now) but if you feel the same way where you want to complain to someone but you don't have the right people to complain to and you're too scared to post shit like this like I did, feel free to complain to me. I might as well be able to give advice, but if i can't, the least I can do is listen. Thank you for your time.

[theochelpsquad]

Lina Schlitz (Shingeki no Kyojin OC)

HEYAAAAAAAA its me again i made a really big mess of the old char sheet because i did it at like 3am so i decided i would redo it !! thanks again <333 

H: it’s fine! For the second time (bc Mod Eris is lazy!!!!) I’ll be the only reviewer. Under the cut, because this one is long!

Name: Lina Schlitz - リナシュリッツ

H: Shlitz is actually a name that has mid-German origins--nothing to fix here, it’s right on the SnK map!

Nicknames: Querida - pet in portuguese, given by her grandma. Idiot - given by some of her squad members. (i dont really have any other ideas for nicknames plz alp)

H: Most nicknames I’ve had or given come from inside jokes or shared experiences--a joke about her age when she started training or an alias from a battle, maybe?

Age: 17

Gender: Female

Birthday: 18/11/833 - scorpio (so she would be in the …. 102nd squad i think ? as she would be 17 by the time eren, mikasa, armin & the squad were 15… .although i kinda wanna make her older . .. should i?)

H: I honestly like making my characters older--older characters have more extensive backstories and more room for creativity. However, it’s your choice in the end! (And I’m pretty sure if she was 17 while the trio were 15, she’d be in the 102nd.)

Faceclaim: michiko malandro (from michiko and hatchin)

(i think this one is the most accurate - hairstyle , face, everything, n expression)

(without the chains tho… and the survey corps uniform… and shorter hair)

H: She’s so pretty cri

-personality:

positives;

brave - lina is not afraid to put herself in danger or do risky things, so she can get things done better than most people

decisive - she can throw her humanity out of the window to make decisions

honest - she doesn’t really care what people think of her, so she will often say what she thinks to your face

direct - as above, lina gets straight to the point 

observant - she often notices the little details, from environment to facial expressions or body language

realistic - she knows that she might die any day, and she lives life to the fullest

simple - relating to her trait of being realistic, lina views life in a simple way - you either die or you don’t, and if you don’t, then you better make the most of it

kind - despite not showing it much, lina is actually quite kind due to her grandparents and parents raising her to be a good lil child

neutrals;

competitive - she loves a good competition and will never back down from a challenge

sarcastic - lina uses sarcasm to make people laugh and hide her true feelings

unsentimental - as mentioned in her trait description of decisive, she knows that her 

comrades, family, and friends can die any day and they have a high chance of it too, so lina detaches herself from them as much as possible

tough - lina can power through a lot of situations, as she contains her emotions on the inside

calculating - she can observe a situation and make a decision off of it, but also she is good at making plans

strong-willed - lina will not give up. ever. no way hozay

perfectionist - everything must be perfect - including her statistics, battle technique, horse, and mostly everything under the sun. however most things aren’t perfect which annoys her to no end

negative;

cocky - lina can often overestimate herself, in battle and in casual situations, which leads to her putting herself and her comrades in danger

brittle - her emotions are easily hurt, although she doesn’t show it

manipulative - lina will lead people on if it benefits her

compulsive - she often acts off of instincts and emotions alone, tying in with being cocky

disrespectful - adding in to lina’s trait of being honest, she often disrespects her superiors, elders, and anyone on the planet if she feels like it - which doesn’t make her that likeable 

hostile - being hostile to keep people at a distance means that lina doesn’t have many friends

inconsiderate - as long as it is good enough for lina, it is good enough for you so you better not complain got it got it ok

messy - lina’s bed is often unmade and her appearance is disheveled

mannerless - tying in with being disrespectful, she often licks her plates, chews with her mouth open, talks while speaking, disrespects her superiors, ect

neurotic - despite not showing it, lina often has anxiety attacks about her past and friends, and what will happen to her (her symptoms include nausea, fear of dying, a racing heart, and heightened senses - including trembling and sweating, also staring off into space)

possessive - lina is possessive of her possessions, her friends, herself, and mostly everything that she views belongs to her

procrastinator - she often pushes things like apologising, doing training, and eating, off until the last minute

sly - tying in with lina’s trait of being manipulative, she can worm her way into someones mind quite easily and manipulate them for her own gain

uncooperative - she is terrible at teamwork, believing that everyone is ‘cramping her style’ and slowing her down, so she often refuses to work in a team and has to be forced - unless she is the leader, and then she loves to boss everyone around

sadistic - lina enjoys cutting the limbs off of titans before she kills them, however only ones that remind her of the one that killed her grandma and family - the others she has a strange interest in

cold - she often pushes people away, rejects friendship offers, and isolates herself

stubborn - once lina has decided she is doing something, there is no changing her mind

hot-tempered - she often flies off of the handle when provoked or annoyed, or if she is in a bad mood

H: So, from skimming, I’m summarizing her personality as appearing outwardly cold (though she doesn’t always mean to be) but actually being a lot different and less intense when you get to know her.

-appearance:

Hair Colour: brown-black

Hair Length/Style: mid-back length, extremely straight - tied in a high ponytail (so it is around the length of kristas/sashas)

Eye Colour: nut brown (very dark brown) with bits of lighter brown

Skin Colour: bronze-coloured

H; Seeing as the SnKverse is mostly white and light-skinned, how does her race affect her life? I’m guessing that once the Titans arrive, people don’t care what the heck you look like if you’re the one saving their asses, but maybe when she was a child?

Body build: mesomorph, a mix of hourglass and inverted triangle - lean

H: As she continues her training, she’ll begin losing weight and her hourglass figure will be less dramatic. If you want to write/draw her according to the timeline of her training, that’s a good thing to keep in mind!

Demeanor: relaxed - arms crossed, leaning on walls, slouched in chairs, head tilted back, head resting on table

Ethnicity: Brazilian/Portuguese/German/English (where is the story set in ??? nobody knows)

H: I’m not certain myself, but I made a post on where the story most likely takes place. Brazil isn’t on the map, though. You could make her Brazilian ancestry from her grandparents or great-grandparents who immigrated north. Then again, the map isn’t canon, so who cares?

Height: 5'3

Weight: 8 stone 6

H: She’s slightly underweight, but enough that’s it’s realistic for a malnourished environment.

Scars: One down her right arm, due to when a titan had her in its mouth during an expedition and, although one of her teammates killed it, it’s jaw fell onto her arm when it hit the ground and broke her arm.

-statistics:

Combat: 9/10

Hand to Hand Combat: 7/10

Agility: 4/10

Initiative: 8/10

Wits: 5/10

Teamwork: 4/10

3D Maneuvering Gear: 6/10

Offense: 9/10

Defense: 4/10

Cockiness: 10/10

Titan Kills: 

Solo: 11

In team: 21 (is this ok ?? i assumed since she was 2 years older, p good at fighting, and in the scouting legion, that she would have a higher kill count than say, mikasa, even though she’s an ackerman, because mikasa is 2 years younger and hasn’t been on that many expeditions)

H: Sure! The 102nd would most likely have a pretty high kill count,seeing as a lot of battles happen after their training.

Grad Rank: 1st (ahh is this ok too? i thought since she was in the 102nd squad, and her family was in the military, that she could be 1st since there aren’t any y'know titan shifters or ackermans in her squad)

H: Also fine! The 104th was a special case--standards likely wouldn’t be as high in other training corps.

Grade: A

background:

lina’s ancestors moved with most of the world to germany inside the walls, the only safe place on the eartha lot of her family died on the way, only two survived along with a few other people - a wife and her husband, alanza and lucas santos - not much older than 18.

when they made it to the walls, they were given a small, one bedroom house inside wall maria, shinganshina district as they were one of the last people to arrive.

after a few years, they had a child together, and his name was to be victor. they taught their native language, portuguese told him to teach it to his future children to keep their country alive.

lucas decided to enroll in the military and joined the garrison to try and keep his family safe, but he was tragically killed when an abnormal titan flung themselves on top of the wall and ran along it, crushing the garrison underfoot.

it was eventually killed, with the help of one of the first elite teams and the scouting legion. lucas was one of the soldiers tragically killed in the attack and alanza was left to raise victor by herself.

when victor was a teenager, he too joined the military - scouting legion - despite his mothers wishes. he managed to survive, however, long enough for him to be promoted to team leader - and for his arm to be bitten off in a mission, not long after his promotion. he was discharged by the military and met a girl by the name of hanna.

it was love at first sight, and they married only a few months after they met - after all, they could die at any time. alanza was soon a grandmother to a child of the name sofia.

by this time, the schlitz/santos line had become quite legendary in the walls, due to their skill and unwavering determination to help mankind. this cycle of the generations was continued until it got to maria and dedrick - lina’s grandparents. their father, abe, had been brutally eaten alive by a titan. due to this they were both firmly against any of their children or grandchildren joining the military in fear of their safety, and so the cycle ended. that is, until lina was born from delmira and adelchi - maria and dedrick’s daughter and step-son.

as soon as abe saw her face he knew she would join the military despite anyones wishes. as lina grew up, abe’s prediction slowly came true - she idolized the military due to their unwavering bravery and optimism that humanity would win the war between them and titans.

she was often caught sneaking out of her house to watch the scouting legion coming home from missions, cheering them on despite the crowds nervous and dejected muttering. so it was no surprise when, on her 12th birthday, the first thing she asked for was to join the military. (that lil shmishirt)

she persisted until her grandparents were brought to her house the next day from their home in wall rose. they told her of all the dangers, and yet she still persisted. they finally agreed - but only because lina’s father said he would join with her.

as soon as the words came out of his mouth, a loud bang rang out that shook the floor and caused panicked screaming to be erupted from outside. lina’s family rushed through their front door, only for them to be met with a crowd of people sprinting past, yelling and screaming.

they pushed through the crowd and found themselves at the back of another crowd, all staring up at the wall. a giant titan, over 50 metres tall, was standing behind it - looking down at the people of shiganshina with a blank expression, its hand clutching the wall. steam came off of it, increasing the temperature of lina despite how far away it was.

her family was frozen, huddling together and clutching each others hands. maria - lina’s grandmother - was clutching the cross and figures of wall maria, rose, and sina attached to her necklace and praying.

the titan moved its foot back and kicked the gate, sending it splintering all over the town. titans waiting behind it were catapulted forwards, crushing citizens and soldiers along with the multiple boulders.

lina’s family turned and ran as fast as they could. despite being old, lina’s grandparents were fit and kept up with her family - delmira dragging lina by her hand.

they made it to the docks in wall maria just as the last boat was leaving. delmira, with lina in tow, immediately began to shove her way to the front to plead with the soldiers to let lina on board. they denied her request and delmira whispered something to lina. they hugged each other as long as possible before delmira broke away and disappeared into the crowd.

luckily, the guards were distracted by the giant horde of people trying to break through. lina ran up the docks, as far away from the crowd as possible, and found herself level with a boat - it looked full to the brim. lina looked to the next one and eyed it apprehensively. stepping back a few paces, she sprinted as fast as possible towards the ledge. pushing herself off of it. her hands reached out to the edge of the boat, but the side of the boat was slippery and her hands couldn’t get a grip in time.

lina scrabbled for a grip, her fingers of her left hand slowly slipping off as she began to fall, but before she could, her wrist was snatched up by a calloused hand.

she looked up to see a friend of her mothers, adelmo weber, holding onto her arm. he pulled her up and onto the boat, despite the outrage that burst from the lips of the citizens that there wasn’t any space left on the boat, and even though she was just a child, he should have not saved her.

lina looked back just in time to see the crowd of people frantically running away - towards wall rose - from a titan, nearly 10 metres tall, picking them up and eating them like insects. the manic crowd drew level with lina’s boat, and she made eye contact with her grandma - at the back, out of breath - as she was snatched up by the titan.

lina screamed loudly, screaming at her grandmother to fight, fight the titan and get to wall rose - but it was futile.

the titan bit maria in half and let her severed legs fall to the ground as lina finally reached the edge of the boat, stretching out her hand to her grandmothers half-eaten corpse and the rest of her family.

the crowd was surrounded by titans coming from both sides and they were all massacred.

lina slumped down to the floor of the boat, and cried until she could cry no more. she slept until they reached wall rose.

H; Holy crap, all of this when she was 12? Poor kid! She probably has a lot of left-over trauma and stress from that day: PTSD, anxiety, possibly some extreme paranoia and OCD-like tendencies to check over and over that everything is okay.

the arrival of the boats was not received well by the residents of wall rose. they immediately began to riot about food shortages, overpopulation and that the titans would be drawn to the bigger population of wall rose.

lina exited across the drawbridge with the swarm of people who was on her boat, and they were promptly greeted by being pushed back by the citizens of wall rose.

they said that the other boats were too full, and they would not have enough room for all of the people on lina’s boat. the people onboard rioted immediately, calling out where would they go, would you be so heartless as to send us back - until they were silenced by the garrison and military police separating the brawling crowds.

they told all the refugees to go to the town square, where the people of appropriate build and age would be enlisted to the military with no choice, while the rest would go to work in the fields.

lina was enlisted despite being only just 12, and so began the start of her journey.

H: Woah, that’s young, even for SnK! Was she the only recruit of her age? Was she the focus of unwanted attention because of it? I have a student one year younger than the rest of the class at school and he’s always being picked on by the teacher (who I hate but that’s another story).

-trivia:

knows portuguese and when she is angry she slips in and out of it (for example, you are todas as dicas i hate eu estou para te you) also when she is tired or distracted she does too (i quero sleep por how tempo até as lights) this is because although her first language is english/german, her family spoke mainly portuguese at their home

H: My parents’ first languages were French and Arabic, and they do this all the time too! Nothing really important, I just wanted to add that. :)

she has the loudest, most boisterous laugh ever - although nobody has ever properly heard it

lina snores so loud she often kept the rest of her dormies awake

biggest sweet tooth ever - even though she rarely gets to eat anything other than beef stew and rations

H: This might not have been intentional, but people who experience traumatic events as children usually end up keeping childlike qualities with them for a long amount of time. Having a sweet tooth or sleeping with toys is not unusual for someone who went through what she did.

she has a bit of a portuguese/brazilian accent, mixed with english/german

lina cuts her own hair

her name means the heroes river, or river of light

SUMMARY-

H: To be honest, this character’s pretty airtight! There’s not much you really need to change on this one. She’s believable but still interesting enough to be a main character. Overall, great job!!

[fatphobiabusters]

Hey guys! Your blog is absolutely a place of comfort in the world, especially these days for me when I have fears implemented about my weight, and honestly stress from home regarding it (which happens on occasion) hasn’t been easy to cope with until I come back and see your posts and answers from others comforting them too… so thank you :) I’ve honestly try helping others feeling better about their body image on the internet too! It absolutely hurts that we’re told that ‘being fat is terrible in society’. I apologise if I do go a bit off topic onwards (also please keep this anonymous!) I have not really had the opportunity to open up to anyone regarding all of this at once.

I was told apparently some relatives died of diabetes long time back and also on the other half of my family I could have heart disease… and since yesterday I’ve never felt so stressed and worried because of my parent’s implementing that fear��� (like how apparently my legs could get cut off because of diabetes because I’ll have trouble standing up properly and etc. according to dad) I mean it really scares me these days… I have seen comforting posts from ok2befat and on occasion bigfatscience, but now…

And on top of that they had doubts about doing anything for myself (i.e. getting a job, which is hard to get where I live unfortunately). And that came from a lack of confidence in the past, before I gained weight. Being incredibly shy and etc. I still don’t know how to develop confidence so it’s 'permanent’ if there is such thing. I personally don’t regard weight as a problem to myself as why I don’t find much real life friends… And it was definite when I gained weight I did not have doubts or terrible moments about myself caused by people outside at home. (I was expected to lose weight apparently 'buying more clothes’ wasn’t the answer to… whatever the question was). When I decided 'screw it, I’m almost an adult, I’m buying clothes myself’ (this was months back), I never got commended for taking it upon myself to go out, on my own, and buy myself a new pair of jeans for the season. Instead, I was told 'I hope you don’t go up to a size x’. (Honestly I love having a bigger body, and it’s better than when I was skinnier in all honesty).

My parents are fatphobic unfortunately…mum mid-June last year blamed the fact I was on a PC all the time for my weight gain (which was not true since I use to always be underweight even doing the same thing as before), and also I think my mum… 'concern trolled’ me November in the same year (about how I’ll have medical problems in the future), given that I did not want to take a blood test at the doctors (my mum forced me to go to the doctors prior by booking an appointment meant for both of us, she never had her part at all and later that day I tried ignoring her whilst forcing out a conversation on me). They never mentioned the word fat around me (replaced with big), but dad did strike the term 'obesity’ on me Mid-June last year once from how I was eating at a fast food place on that day I went out with him. I’m often encouraged these days to take a walk, but it actually discourages me (I always felt my parents were a bad influence since a long time back); if I want to do something, I’ll do it. But they’re under the belief I’m not going to do anything about myself like get apply for jobs or go out more often or anything (it’s not easy hitting that send resume button for a job if it’s something I cannot handle; I want to start at places which in a sense, 'easy’ starting points to develop myself. So in a way I’m kinda ruined if my parents can’t understand, and no welfare support doesn’t help either since I’m not 'financially supported’ either.

Also one person I don’t believe I’ve seen anyone ask or warn about in terms of media promoting fat people in a negative term: Dashiegames/DashieXP on YouTube. He is no doubt funny, but he does sometimes make some fatphobic jokes (in a Tekken gameplay, he’s fighting off a character called Bob, and Dashie said something like 'he should be called BLOB’.) But from a Mario gameplay he did, he mentioned something like 'it’s okay to poke fun at yourself’ (he is an overweight person himself apparently? He is on the bigger side, and was referring to himself). So a heads up; unless you really need some smiles and to laugh at someone raging out in a game or horror game reactions, he has been for me brilliant, BUT I wouldn’t recommend if you are gonna get offended by the occasional jokes. I’m not too sure on his ableist language either, I haven’t actually paid attention.

I truly am sorry if I said so much… like I said, it’s hard to open up to people these days, it sucks :( Also if I said anything ableist (I don’t think I did but I’m very careful about it these days).

Thanks in advance for your response and for being an awesome blog. :) I love to help out where I can my own way with music (not sure if mashups would work, I’d love to spread the message across that way)

Kind Regards,

M.M.M [Redacted for anonymity] 

Hey, There Thank you so much for taking the time and finding the courage to post here. As promised, I kept it semi-anonymous. I’m re-blogging it under me rather than where you posted it from.   You had a lot to get off your chest! Nothing wrong with that, but I will try my best to keep up. And lets start with your health. 

M, While your parents have good intentions, they’re horribly fatphobic. I’m glad you are well aware of this.  I also hope you know that you do not have to put up with their behavior. Being all about Social Justice is not a bad thing [ I dont know why people try and make it a bad thing ] . And i’m glad you’re fighting the good fight to make sure everyone is created equal. 

As far as the health issues with your family,  Correlation doesn't always mean causation. Being fat doesn't always automatically put you at risk for having these. In Fact ,  with this situation I believe you would most likely have issues with heart or diabetes because of family history rather than being fat. There are plenty of people who are not fat and have those issues because of it being hereditary, just like there are plenty of fat people who do not have these issues because of their weight.  Even as far as losing a limb, No worries! You’re talking to a fat amputee here! :) Been one since I was a kid [ both chubby + amputee ] .... and while it may take some time to get used to, you have someone as support. Not that i’m saying I want this for you.. .but if we’re talking worst case scenarios, you got me on your side!

Still, with those two on your side, it doesn't hurt to look into ways to make your life easier [only if you wish to]. There are plenty of sites that offer healthy living for diabetes prevention and heart health. But, please please please  Focus on how you feel rather than what the scale tells you. There are so many stories people share here where followers get blind sighted on weight loss that they invalidate the hard work and choices they make, almost to the point where they end up unhealthier than when they started! 

Mental health is just as important as physical health. Learning what your limits out, strengthening your coping skills and overall self care is the key to make the other aspects of your life easier. I saw that you were following @coping-skill-toolkit [ *shameful self-plug* ] and I hope I can help you build that knowledge to be kind to yourself so you can continue to be awesome.  And yes, that includes opening up to the right kind of people, like us! We’re here to help you fight fatphobia of all kinds . All of us are on your side.  Even when you go and shop for a new pair of jeans . :) [ Kudos, by the way! ]  Best Wishes,  Mod Dom  P.S Thanks for the heads up on DashieGames and DashieXP, by the way. Ive never watched them... but for those who might be interested and are uncomfortable with those sort of jokes, then they can keep an eye to avoid. 

[gravybath]

i’m reading killing stalking and i’ll slap my commentary over here as i go. gonna just add as i go okay? okay. it’ll probably get long so how about a read more?

okay, first page. already kinda annoyed by the whole i’m a male and have a guy crush i’m weird thing but.. moving on

also i can’t believe this is just. straight up levi.

why does yoonbum look like he’s already dying when bad shit hasn’t even happened yet hello?

mmmkay so he’s a creepy stalker. okay then.

OKAY okay he is. hes jerkin it okay then. also again why is he already skinny af and look like he’s dying aND no human alive jerks it that way but okay

hooooo, don’t . don’t bring bpd into this,,,,

mmmkay that’s low key,,, creepy sexualizing so much okay then,,

okay !! when drawing random people that are just background/flashback that dont matter !! it’s fine not to draw the eyes but !!!!!!!!! fucking those r ur mains just draw the other fucking eye there is no reason not to that is a front facing pose omfg u can even just copy paste omggggggg

why does this man look like a five year old boy, asking for a friend

don’t u hate when the cops show up when ur trying to break into ur crushes house b/c ur a creepy stalker?

also why are his nails like white? the hands r drawn p nice but why r the nails literally white compared to his skin tone?

okay originally i thought yoonbum was an innocent in this situation but nah no fuck him u don’t break into someones house omgggg

okay more titty than i requested but sure of course 100% necessary to show she naked yup okay,,

oh shit boi the cops talking to sangwoo,, that’s not the face u make at cops but okay lad also i’m cracking up the officers head is like ten times the size of the cop car oka y okay okay focus flynn keep going

i never understood the whole sniff the pillow and it smells like that person thing i have never experienced that?

yes a mysterious locked floor door in the closet obviously covered by things, yes check it out

why would she be wearing underwear but not anything on her top plz explain also that full body drawing the anatomy was super wonky but moving on

i dONT think u have a thigh gap when ur lying on ur side like that but ya kno,,,, whatever,,,,,

what kind of freak locks naked women in their creepy hidden basement?? i dunno maybe the same kind of people that break into their crushes house then smell their pillow

ohhhhhh he got the bat good fuckin night levi

wait did he hit his shoulder not his head? what now?

did sangwoo take his shoes off before dealing w/ the intruder in his house

i have no sympathy for yoonbum sorry not sorry fuck him up sangwoo tho ur a fucking piece of shit too

i’m gonna die !! quick admit u fell in love w/ him then broke into his house b/c u love him so much !! nailed it

this basement’s too small for the both of u, let’s go up. yes !! yes let’s just !! ignore the naked tied of woman and go upstairs like all is fine !!

wait? how does pushing him off the stairs break his legs it looks like he fell on his back but okay,,,,

his hand is going thrU the steering wheel yall !!!! omg,,,,,,, also the blur effect is,,,,, kinda getting annoying

okay,,, okay why r his hips so thicc he is a skinny underweight man why is his ass thicker than pudding

is he just gonna,,,, keep the dead body in his basement?,,,,

midDLE AGED? yoonbum looks like he’s 12 binch wtf

his hands r bigger than yoonbum’s legs okay how them chicken legs hold up all that thicc ass

ah yes, when mentioning how someone has hairy legs, drawing a single hair definitely is enough,,,

 sangwoo is,, i just? dump food in his mouth then kiss him okay,,, okay,,,,

i’m disgusting and yet he’s so kind. i love him. god damn this boy u idiot !! he has u trapped in his basement he just admitted to killing multiple people he broke ((i guess??)) ur leg? ofc he is so kind. i’m only mad b/c i’m this level of denial stupid shit

also wait who had bpd? was is yoonbum or sangwoo? i wanna say yoonbum but yeah,,, anywho back to it,,,

i’m sorry but the way they draw feet is horrifying

at least he bandaged,, one leg? and drugged him? annnd okay is he fucking him now okay wait no what

oh! okay he was uhh working out? and yoonbum was in pain,,, okay i don’t think this is the time for a ha ha u thought it was gay moment like ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,anyways once again yoonbum has the thiccest ass

who just fucking works out in their basement where they keep their kidnapped persons also where did the girls body go?

frame one: look how skinny yoonbum is

frame two: thiccest ass in the whole world don’t worry

if ur gonna wash him at least ?? put him in the tub wouldn’t that be easier to clean like u dragged his ass up the stairs wouldn’t it be easy to put him in the tub,,,,

yoonbum like i don’t mind u trapping me in ur house but can i at least get out of the basement

“of course it’s dark... it’s a basement ?” this fucker

again why does yoonbum have a crazy waist and the thiccest ass in the world i will never stop bringing it up b/c ??? he is literally underweight

“ur some kind of county whore” ??????????????

okay so,,, he can be upstairs? but can’t go past the line that starts behind the stairs? why not just make it where he can’t go downstairs? what’s upstairs?

if u loved ur mom fuckboy why did u murder her?

why does sangwoo have so many ?? boxes in his house he’s lived here for a while so ???

has no one noticed yoonbum is missing? no one?? he is a creep but i mean,,, anyone,,,,,

oh fuCK he stabbed him right in the fuckiNG EYE SHIT

wait damnnit he didnt

also how long has he been there? if his legs heal will sangwoo just break them again or will they just always be broken?

u can’t kill people w rat poison i thought tho? like somthing about gag reflexes or is that not tru scream queens don’t lie to me

also he only threw a few pills in the huge pot so honestly even if he ate that hand full of pills he probably wouldn’t have died so he’s just gonna get maybe even barely sick??

also why does he wear a crop top and a skirt like,,,, sangwoo,,,, what u doin there bud,,,,,

why did he kill his mom if his dad was an abusive piece of shit hello??

okay weird romance stuff is like,,, ummmm,,, i;m uncomfortable but okay? he fantasized about killing him multiple times and thought about escaping too he stopped talking about how much he loved him so ?? this is kinda out of place,,,,

“i can suck it” please stop i’m calling the police

“nah you’re scary” fucking !! i agree !!! who fucking does that after trying to kill their actual kidnapper and abuser ???????????/

look if he was still like oh i love him every now and then maybe but the past few chapters have been about him wanting to escape or kill sangwoo so ??

sangwoo is like blushing b/c this boy just rubbed his dick and his own dick then came everywhere and was generally alarming like yoonbum is 100% more alarming at this point. he stalks his crush breaks in attempts to kill him then jerks him and himself off like....

“he’s gonna hit me again” to “fuck he’s making out w/ me” is,,,,,,

with gentle hands he washed and clothed me everyday, and best of all he didn’t lock me in the basement anymore. yes what a gentleman,,,

“it’s so warm it’s like i’m in my mom’s belly again” okay how many layers of fucked up he got some mommy issues this boy also i really wanna kno why he killed his mom

u can’t show dick but u can show plenty of titty ???

“u understand we can’t go to the hospital” yes bby b/c ur a horrifying abusive murderer and broke my legs don’t worry i love u

okay so,, he’s leaving him home alone... why wouldn’t he just get a look on the front door that’s a keyhole on both sides? that would be the easiest way to keep him locked up w/o locking him in the basement?

okay so he’s still planning on leaving okay i don’t understand how he was so happy to suck his dick if he wanted to leave aND r there body parts in the washing machine?? 

okay i’m p sure u can’t fit that many bodies in the washing machine but okay,,,,wait was that hallucinationS? oh okay okay

again with the thicc ass

u chose this u can’t change ur mind” my boy sangwoo has a lot of issues

yoonbum is like avoid torture seduce him also thiccest ass strikes again

ah yes the notorious glowing dick

okay?? the pacing is so weird like it’s nothing then shit tons of abuse then make out time he he then torture time

thicc ass again

this guy was like suck my dick sangwoo so sangwoo was like let’s go back to my torture chamber ha ha time to die. like what kinda ego....

how could he tell were his fingers were on the other side of the cards okay ???

again w/ the thicc ass and thigh gap while lying sideways????

why is the cough sound effect drawn right over the eye i mean this time you could have skipped drawing the eye?????

again w/ the ass

okay i read it all annnd? i gotta say not as gross as i expected, the pacing is weird and it goes from nothing for pages to too much i dunno. it’s not awful a lot of unnecessary sexualization of yoonbum tho. and the whole is it just fan service or nah? idk i still feel like there r a lot of scenes where yoonbum looks like he belongs in porn so.. not awful but not amazing idk why it’s so popular rn? i really hope it’s not b/c people r making gross fetishy stuff out of it. i would like it w/ more horror/gore that would be nice. but overall it’s interesting i guess? not too terrible but somehow yoonbum is tiny and skinny as hell while still having the thiccest ass around.

[xingantype]

i weighed myself today? 

In the laundry room there was a weighing scale and Id been so good, been so careful not to be around weighing scales and I havent. weighed myself in a really long time? But I. I'd gained 7kg? since the last time. and I had a bit of a breakdown? because i was already 'overweight' before and now Id !!! gone and gained even more weight, so much more weight and blegh my head was nope nope nope but I. I checked online today? just now, about how much i was supposed to weigh for my height and. I’d never done that before you know? id always. trusted them when they said i was too overweight, i had to lose weight, trusted myself too when i kept saying i need to lose weight i dont deserve to eat i take up too much space i have to occupy less space and that my body was obscene and wrong and too bulbous and like. why didnt i ever check? how much i was supposed to weigh. you'd think i would have done that? Youd think i would have checked instead of blindly believing that i was overweight????? at the very least.

but according to what it said, i was. I was never overweight? i was never overweight, i was underweight, i was never overweight at all. I’m. Still not overweight? Ive gained weight, enough weight to me sick inside, wrong wrong wrong repulsive aya so much too much, but I’m??? not overweight? and its not processing. its not. i dont know how to feel. I look overweight, to myself, i look too round and curved and grotesque and bulbous and so obscene but im. not overweight? Im. Not. I just. dont know how to react to this. My eating disorder has never just been about body image, its so tied in with guilt and my guilt complex about eating when its not necessary and wasting food and being undeserving but like.

I dont really want to look like this? How i look like now. Even though its healthier for me, even though Im not passing out anymore and this is good this is so much better for me, it really is but i still!!!!!! I still cant like myself? I want to be sharper? As horrible as it sounds, i still. inside, i still quietly. want. Want the angles and lines and the fat off me? off my cheeks and just. in a different way. I just. want to take up less space. I want to fit better, i want to stop looking in the mirror and seeing this gross disgusting bulbous mass of flesh and fat and flab and ugliness wow tmi aya that I just actively cover up like wow no wonder youre not wanted. And like, i am getting better, i really am, there are some days when i dont feel that way at all but I !!!! there are some days when i cant stomach food, when everything in me wants to throw it up and stop, its too much, too heavy, too much and i will regret it if i eat more. I dont. want to be? like this? I dont want to be ripped apart when they see me again, the snide remarks and comments and unsubtle hints. 

And like. The weighing scale and the actual knowledge of how much Im supposed to weigh fucked me up because like ???? now i know. and now i know i could weigh less and still be in the healthy weight range. so now. what do i do with this. i think thats whats messing me up the most? that i could be less and it would be okay but also!!! i know its not healthy for me right now to try and restrict my diet? or exercise because that. leads to exercise addictions for me and. i cant have that either? so im still. i know, i do, but now i also know this and i !!!! dont really know where to go from here. i dont even know why Im writing this out? I just. wanted it out of my head too, so i could make sense of it more. im still. recovering. when will i not be recovering. why. cant i get over anything cleanly.

[chaoscrystals]

Every note in my phone 19

Maybe I can speed up the present. All I can think about is how I'm going to dominate the art world. I guess that's kind of fucked up? I feel dizzy and like my blood sugar is low. My body must look so disgusting I'm always burping. I must be disgusting that's why Ariel never hits me up All I can think about is how I want an art empire that is accessible to people of all races and social classes And how I want this sandwich I'm about to go eat. I'm so much fatter than I was when I was 18 that's why Ariel never hits me up anymore!!! :(__(_((((( It's really not worth beating myself up over. Pretty sure I got a yeast infection from fucking him anyway. * Why does my back hurt so much why does everything hurt why is life pain. when have I gotten to the point where I can hold all my pain and all my ecstasy at the same time, for one moment and then the moment ends and I'm back on the train again trying to make time go faster. If I was decaying I would look like black and pus and torn flesh, strips of flesh covering what once was my body. She killed me and left me in the woods to die. Put me in the back of her trunk. Headlights were right blue. Righteous and it was..she thought it was good.  I wasn't either dissatisfied, but isn't dying to hurt and be sad? I could spit black tar right here and people would probably just turn away in disgust, I could vomit up maggots, yeah girl its the same as it is for you too. I don't want you anymore he always wanted me. I'm taking you with me. Now we are dead. It came to me in a flash I had a divine vision. Of music. And being alone. * The boy means everything to me I got him in the corner of my sleeve, oh the bend of my elbow i lean on the table looking over at you I see the empty glass it magnifies you I'm ready I'm ready we're starting again, you're starting to break my heart again * Male exclusivity needs to die. Some men really can't be around women if they aren't fucking someone it seems. Ugh. Get away from me. Wake the fuck up. Sorry that everyone made us think that our bodies alone are sexual and need to be covered. I do so many non sexual things with my body. Americans can tend to being lethargic. I'm so angry * Im all caught in vines . sleeping time leaks the day its dripping in green and surrounding me. Phonetically speaking I think your words have more meaning than you realize Pick it up again inspired by my friends and I'm feeling feeling so good. Pack up your bags and take a vacation take yourself to rockaway * There's nothing special about me I bet you could compare me to any other girl in the world and id seem just the same, got a pretty face and her head isn't too bad either. And if you asked me today id say I don't think nothing special about me neither but id tell you what I know, that I'm the girl who would love you the most. * The praise on the water sought after colorful lights and pure tones Praise phoning in for a second chance in glasses cracked in the pavement red warring the light and wearing it as a disguise, praise be had, our Lord has grown old * Y stomach is too full its so full but I'm hungry and I don't have the energy to digest. I never needed to eat that much * So excited to be your own boss until the app doesn't give you work!! I'm gonna stop acting like I'm not doing things for a reaction or to make people think something of me. I am. Including playing music I am almost to the point where I dont have near anxiety attacks from eating around people. Proud of myself Taking kindness at surface level only is probably not going to cause any progress. Take all of me, baby. Even if I'm mean from time to time. I'm not okay with people's boundaries being broken in a monogamous relationship. But I don't really believe in monogamous relationships. Maybe I'm just cynical but it seems like there are too many rules. Or maybe it's all a ploy to lure guys in because they'll think I'm easygoing but I'm not I want to tell everyone every single one of my thoughts that sounds like a fun game * Jonathan is on my mind I've always had a craving for a good hearted musician and someone who will counter my unbalance, prince charming rides in on a horse, who brought the horse into the street who's mans is that? Are they getting with the plan do they understand or do you only like me because i have connections to new dimensions * I'm in love with nothing This haunting feeling Like I know what comes next I'm in love with nothing There's a hole in my heart when its growing apart it gets darker and smaller and I'm falling in love with you again * It isn't fair he will never hear me. He will never see me or understand me, when the mere sight of him sends me spinning away from anything easy to feel, I'm feeling so dreary one second and the next I got jets on my feet, flying over the moon cause I'm so in love with you * I just enjoy Jonathan is my whole heart!! One day he will know * Songs to write out Gracias a la vida Stormy weather Good morning heartache Lover man where can you be April in Paris * I want to tell people how hard my life is! * My song for you This is my song for you I like everything you do When I see you its like a cool breeze graced me with unending presently waiting pleasant and unchanging you seem stable to me, and I even like you when you're rocky. I like the lyrics I like the melody, you're like music, lets make a baby And live together In the city and very far. We can have two houses and even a car This is my song for you I like everything you do When I realized it was you Wrap it in red and a bow, kiss my head, after your show I know I can be a hard one to break, I've heard all these stories of heart break, what do I choose, what to listen, use or lose. But I know when I'm with you my dreams start coming true * Deep desires Understand the universe. Have someone accompany me in my sadness and despair. I want to come back together I want to feel enlightened I want everyone to feel goddamned enlightened I'm definitely willing to open up portals make everyone realize we are collectively manifesting our reality I want everyone in new York city to know my name nova luz, the body inhabited by us. She needs a companion. Lets get her a partner or two. * How do i really feel about the boys that I think I love? My Spanish tongue isn't too sharp....I wish...shit man, you just have to try harder to get it right. Laser mind. Not tonight. Michael is the name of an angel and no matter how hard I try or how much I'm thinking about Jonathan I still wonder about Michael and we spent more time together than Jonathan and I ever have. Fuck me. What are either of them up to? Why do neither of them talk to me. Haven't seen either one in weeks. I think I feel like I'm attached or in love. No matter how hard I try to forget...not trying hard enough you stupid fucking cunt! You're so fucking weak nova!. I wish someone knew how much I fucking hate myself sometimes I don't get why I just internalize this and nobody can ever know and its always a dead end fall off a cliff and snap your spine on the rocks before you drown and are pummeled by the waterfall FUCK. I think about them every day I wish I had a boyfriend, but malificence red lipped and hooded with festering infections on her skin, she's standing in the way, she's guarding the little red dog in my heart, the little puppy with forgetful parents, crying and underfed in an alley way alone, you only care about the way it looks. The loving puppy. Loving little dog I love you so much I love you no matter what even if you took a knife to my throat severed my veins and rendered my body a corpse I would still love you. Shit man that's fucking intense. That's a part of me that needs some help. The unconditionally loving part.....have I been deceived? I feel as though she has been deceived, and people always want to exploit her loving nature. This is the world I live in today. What if I wake up tomorrow on another planet? Is my boyfriend going to be there? If it was a planet with fruit orchards brightly colored things little houses and healthy atmosphere I would be down. Since I'm making it up, my boyfriend is there too. He loves me and we only need each other. I love him so much it fills me with fullness and vibrancy. He loves me so much. We spend most of our time together enjoying the planet, and sometimes we cook a big feast together for our friends and they come over and we all play music and drink wine * I guess now is an appropriate time to work on my issues with jealousy right? Actually...maybe ill wait What if it was a giant poetic metaphor? Green goop spilling from my heart and getting stuck in my pelvis..melting out of my pelvis out onto the floor. My physical my non physical. Non psychic but spiritual. Elephants from India are a shymbol for wealthy. And poor. Bread. Winning. Happy family. Sad family. Bread. Okay Maybe now I can work on my massive jealousy issues. Okay I'm going to start by listing scenarios that make me jealous Any female speaks to a boy that I like (level 10 code red situation) Someone's life looks shinier than mine Julia's in middle eastern vogue My friends have things that I want Other people have things that I want Other peoples bands are playing at cooler venues I am literally not a musician my name is Harriet and I never leave my apartment. Yo these sensory hallucinations are too much sometimes. That was a side note. I think my biggest issue is that when I am into someone in a romantic way, I get really upset when I see them talking to like, anyone of the opposite sex. Or of the same sex with Ursula. Or when someone is skinnier than me. Sometimes I get jealous cause of that which is not allowed because I am not allowed to have an eating disorder. Why is Julia getting so much attention while simultaneously being underweight and anorexic??? Noooo oh my god is she okay? Is everyone else okay?? Why is that allowed are you people fucking retarded? I can't do these things without having a million other thoughts. But I'm breaking the surface which is something. This is a deep fear for me I don't intend to leave unchecked. * I want somebody to love. I think writing all this sad lonely poetry can't be helping kts hard not to hate yourself sometimes. I wish someone was reading this. I really want a boyfriend so badly but I'm resisting it because in want it to be Jonathan so I'm waiting for him and ignoring everyone else.that's scary I don't know where he's at. He never talks to me. I want to smash glass bottles over his head for being so detached Fuck you!!! He never talks to him I mean me but I think about him pretty much every day.this hurts Why am I being like this? Lately everything I do is to get his attention. I want to cry. I hardly get any attention from him this is ripping me up inside.I just keep these fantasies in my head and I fall in love with them but it's an illusion I'm in love with an illusion. This hurts my chest. All I want is his attention and he isn't giving me any!!! I should turn around and walk the other way but I know I wont because I'm still in my fantasies that we are the same and that he gets weird crazy visions as well and that I was a part of his. I think I'm going to be wrong. My heart.. * I'm hitting the resin in my pipe again. And writing semi cohesive notes about my feelings. Am I using boys as a distraction from my problems? Why do I always want someone to hear the most insecure parts of me....I always always share my deep insecurities, like, first before we even get to know each other. What a weird kind of flirting style that's so weirded out by myself. Like, why? Do I not realize that most people are too in denial to accept insecurities in someone else? Especially in a package as cute as a nova. I have some pretty great ideas in my head..heart..butt..whatever...all of me......... Dot dot dot * Feeling A poem by nova luz palaquibay brener Written in September of 2017 I can feel everything. Mannequin pussy is famous they were in new York Times and rolling stone and a bunch of other big name publications. In happy for them. Not like when Julia's thing got famous. Even though I didn't spend a ton of time with any of these people, they changed my life. I still feel a little intimidated by that world, by the professional world and its cutthroat attitude. I don't really like it or want to participate. I just wanna have a nice apartment with a nice boy and wake up at 7 am every day. I still want to play rock music Its fun Mannequin pussy has that song where Marissa goes "I'm feeling it all I gotta get home I gotta get up" I'm feeling it all I'm feeling it all I just want to share a room with a nice boy and Rowan can come too And we can have small shows where we support each other for the things we love about each other and we still love each other when the other one is being an asshole. I don't like thinking of myself in a negative way. It feels bad. I'm very childish. I'm insecure that the things I do aren't big enough. That's stupid. I'm mad at my mom for always acting like everything was a huge deal. Like, nothing was ever just chill and normal everything was something. I'm childish inside * September 7 2017 Dear j boxer, There are actually several thousand things I would like to be saying to you, but I don't want to overwhelm you and lose you. Oh my god. You make me so nervous. Did you realize?at flowers for all occasions. I have never been more stressed out at a show in my life. I was hyper focused on what you might be thinking of me. I want to pour out all the imbalance I feel and you can watch it run down into the drains Yes I still think about that. And don't think that the only side of me is erratic and unbalanced and bad, everyone has so many sides. I know you think the way i play is interesting. I know I can play well. I feel like I am everything when I think about you. I think about you every day. Would you still love me when I am nervous and insecure? Love me like this or you'll never love me at all, you can only leave me if you don't love me like this, my all. My heart. Sometimes I get chest pains What do you think about me? My dream partner is someone I can put together shows with. but not ordinary shows. I don't know. But it would be something. I can envision my dream partner: active, healthy, compassionate, loving, open, creative, enjoys sex, kisses my neck. Is it fair to tell you this? Am I asking too many questions? Is it fair that I want to tell you all this but we haven't exchanged a single word in weeks? I can't explain it, its a feeling in my body, it feels so electrifying I don't ever want to stop. I'm sorry I have to test you so much. I can't help it. I think I'm like that with everyone. I wonder what you are doing now? If I said I wasn't feeling good would you sit with me in the park and put your arm on my shoulders? Even when my eyes are puffy and dry? * I don't know there's a vacuum in my heart and silver worms that live inside the vacuum, ever present resilient love the lasting energy in my blood, that they feed off of. Freed some space for their babies I know it couldn't be any other way, but sometimes I resent my mother for leading me to believe this. Because my religion is based in pain, my suffering will cleanse my sins and if you don't know then you must be unclean, I got to tell you how I see it. Everyone is looking at me Cause there's maggots in my heart, I can feel them squirming around, I can feel the top shell of muscle straining to get ahead of them to get on top of them, maggots squirming around in my heart, eating my muscles. My mind is unfocused. All I can see is misery. But its okay. The lord wants me to be this way. With a red-skinned entity hanging onto my shoulders and telling me "no, don't go there, you dog". Maggots in my heart. Maggots eating my heart * September 8 2017 Dear Jonathan Hi, how are you? Its been a couple of weeks since we last met. I am pretty much still the same. Hopefully I'm going to get a job teaching kids! Maybe one day you will fall in love with me. What have you been thinking of since I last saw you?do you want to tell me? Do you think about me? Do you want to hold hands? Can I kiss you in the dark on the street? Can I kiss you in front of people? I'm trying really hard not to take things too fast. Part of me really believes you and I are the same person. I really like how you make me feel..I always think about what it would be like to fuck you again. I really want to. I think I will. But there's one thing I'm wondering. Like what kind of relationship do you want? Do you like the idea of having me around or is this like "ill see you when I see you" No it can't just be fine I have insane feelings about you I need to know. I can be fine with what you want..I just want to know I'm not gonna hurt myself falling for you when I don't need to. If I'm just living on the promise of what I think you and I could be, I need to know if I'm right, right? Oh shit this doesn't sound good I'm spiraling into a panic. Oh god. Just tell me if you want to be with me!! Sorry I kind of get these intense insecurities. Then I like to wallow in them. Love me? Hah. To not end this letter on a sad desperate note, I will say the following: I like how you look I think you are very handsome, I like how you sing and play even when you lose your focus you sound amazing to me, I want to kiss you all over be naked with you and have my chest against yours, and feel your arms. I hope you don't mind me saying I love you and that I have a lot of love for you in my heart because I am insatiably attracted to you, and I also think you are kind but distant, and I think you are very loving and radical in your ideology, but you aren't annoying and liberal and show-offy about it. I like how much you know about music and music history, I think you are really smart. I want to kiss you all over. I feel so passionate when I think about you. It feels like you live in my heart and that's why I love you. I really really want to tell you. I don't know what could happen I just need to fuck you. I want you so badly, body and soul and mind. * August 9 Honey I want to marry you I love your sweet and bitter tastes Even on your sour days You make me believe That all my desires can be mine And I know my heart is true When I'm near you Yes I may have immense pools of jealousy, but honey, its nothing to me, when you bring me back home In a sentimental way, I say, oooooohhh you're too good for me The way we play together Like in our youth I feel like our life is a union, oh know honey I want to be true to only you We spend our days rushing around But I dream of a night where, without a sound I can slip into bed next to you, and you will hold me close, you're then the only other person I need to know, you're my everything Oh my honey I love you, you know I do, I would spend my days working for you, because I do love all the things you do And at night when the moods right, ill look into your eyes and say my sweetie, you know I love you.