#i dont think i ever saw anything other than romance for them but i had this whole fic written up in my head

[pinkseas]

and for the second ask !! again lmk if anything i say here is like Too Much i will simply either delete that part or delete the whole thing i dont wanna say anything you’d rather i not

ngl i cant speak for too much bc i am Nawt in the xiaolumi community i kind of accidentally dug myself into a hole and i am holding hands with u and cherry cheruim as my most favoritest xiaolumi enjoyers ever and i am so content with it.... but i have seen 'they should kiss and get married already' time and time again ESPECIALLY with other pairings that i love to interpret as qprs (one specifically) (i live in shame) (that being said i am also So Right About Them) and i fully understand the sort of frustration/sadness that comes with it. bc ur right theres nothing wrong with romance kissing marriage w/e but to have it be so commonly and so easily seen as that “next step up” and the only way for them to become closer is so :[[[[

also seeing you say you admire what i can spill publicly is SO funny to me in ways i cannot explain without Really Truly oversharing <- and like yeah i have made them my entire personality at this point Oops but the biggest deepest reason they’re my whole personality...... well that is my little secret and in the meantime i will continue to adore them as a qpr and their emotional intimacy and the amount of trust they can have in each other and care and love without romance having literally anything to do with it <3 qpr endgame my [insert 10 million heart emojis here im not on my phone pensive]

[stick-ball]

pspspspsp Kevin's trauma and his choice to stay with Thea, why her why not someone else? How does it work considering his characters as whole books/ec , does it make sense or just feel "random"

<Picks you up like a little cat and smooches your head.>

This responce has been sped up by the people who asked Nora on twitter to break Kevin and Thea up, making me see red KillBill style, so:

For me, Kevin's and Thea's relationship makes perfect sense. Maybe it's the realist in me, maybe its the idealist in me, I don't care. When it comes to Kevin's traumas, I think that since most people can't really relate to a majority of them, they get all hung up on the one they most definately can, as in, his mommy issues. When we relate to something, it becomes a really big deal. And here we go! Thea/Kevin suddenly is feared to be toxic instead of being seen for what I think it is: finding love in a hopeless place.

The main issue i see discussed is the disproportion of power at the beginning of the relationship. The main concern is the age difference. I personally don't really get the hate about the age gap between them, because if you read the extra content you will know that while they met when Kevin was 14 and Thea 18, it's not like anything happened between them at that age? First, Kevin saw her as an impressive player, when he did actually see her. That wasn't all that often bcs from what I understand from the EC, Kevin and Riko trained with the Ravens sometimes before they joined the team but a big part of their training happened without them, as well as their life growing up was more detached from the Uni students than people seem to think. And honestly, do you think Tetsuji would just let all the freshmen know they signed into the Yakuza sportsTM? Methinks not, but be delulu if you want I guess. 💋

So anyway, from the EC, it seems like Kevin had a crush slowly build up for Thea over the years, growing from his appreciation of her skill and athletism. Considering how cold that guy is, it probably took him some time to realise, after his irritation at her romances (yeah hello she was dating people her age when Kevin was mooning for here as a pathetic teenage boy, bye bye Thea haters) with other teammates started having nothing to do with the fact it could result in the teams distraction during the game, bcs of their hormones and feelings, and turned to conscious jelousy. And here I have to applaud young Kevin because he did not even realise he was distracted from the game by being jealous. Knowing how oblivious Kevin can be about non exy issues, it likely took quite a while.

So what's next? The "getting together"? Kevin and Thea only started having a sort of physical relationship when Kevin and Riko were already freshmen for Edgar Allan, at 18/19.

Whoever wants to fight me on this being a toxic age gap, what exactly is your angle?

Anyway, Kevin was the one to initiate their relationship, after Riko was done with his distraction from the game and his focus on picking fights with Thea, and told him to sleep with her and get it out of his system. (And that's how i met your mother.) It wasn't much more than that for a long time, because having a relationship on a 12 hrs day/night full of training and uni and juggling two other teams on top of that as well as celebrity status literally sounds like the most insane schedule ever, so it's insane they even managed to talk privately at all.

Now, we circle back to the question, why Thea? Why not someone else? Well, first and fucking foremost, because Nora Sakavic said so. Second of all, because Jung and Freud weren't as stupid as imternet memes would have you believe. (Read their books, read all the books please, i can rec you like a 100 psychology texts, dont be shy)

To keep it short, we do base our attraction on the role models we have, one way or another. I saw enough of my friends pick partners that have the exact character quirks that make them just slightly like an after image of their guardians. Kevin doesn't really have a father model, but his mother? She's always going to be a huge part of his life, is it really so weird and dangerous, that he got infautated with a strong, driven, 4 years older woman, who's incredibly talented and just as determined as him? I don't think so. Is it unhealthy? Is it unsafe? As much as life is, I guess, no one is perfect, but I think he could've done much much worse for himself.

Why did Kevin decide to stay with Thea? I would find it pretty obvious, because she doesn't actually need him. She built herself, but she wants him. Even if she will never have the same fame and recognition in her career that he does. Being wanted this way must be really new for Kevin, who was always a trophy to show off because of his legacy, always a property. But Thea is not competing with him, she doesnt want to own him either. I believe his mother is as much of a role model to her, as to him. So, they have sex, when they want to, they talk - when they feel like it. They don't, well fucking fine, so they don't, they fall in love anyway. It's okay if exy comes first in the beginning, considering both spent a lot of time in cult mentality, I think neither is all that bothered as long as its not obsessive (we could discuss how reasonable it was of Kevin to ghost her for over a year and not tell her about how he broke his hand but thats a whole other essay).

What's really wild to me, is that I think the power imbalance in this relationship is the opposite of what many may think.

Kevin holds all the cards. Thea joined the Ravens as a 18 years old talented athlete, she was one of the only girls on the team, and the Nest was not a place to make friends, on top of that it was a mafia cult. She had everything to prove there, and no way of being prepared for all the grooming. On top of that, she knew nothing of the Moriyamas or even of what actually went down with the whole Perfect Court thing. Kevin knew everything, on top of that, up until he left, he had nothing to prove. He ghosted her, is it so hard to believe she accepted his cold shoulder in this dynamic, in which she obviously is not at the top of the foodchain? He kept secrets from her, is it really so hard to believe she was angry? I think neither of them was ready for neither what life at the nest was like, or for a relationship when it happened, but I also think they are incredibly lucky that they have eachother, their shared passion for exy, their daughter, their dog and friends from the dog park who can't talk about exy to save their lives.

I think Kevin was incredibly lucky for finding Thea, because maybe she did not know everything, maybe it wasn't easy for them, but they understood that Rikos death wasn't a one dimensional victory, that it was just as much of a tragedy for them, for Kevin. I'm happy with the canon and I wish more people appreciated this ship, as its very soothing.

As an ending fun fact, did you know I am the only person to make a playlist for Thea Muldani in all of spotify? Pretty insane if you ask me.

[captainsarahscratches]

Assistance Pt. 2

.......

part 2, requested, reader and Kenny have started to develop a fwb relationship, but things get complicated as the two are put into a complicated storyline.

......

TW: Lil’ bit angsty, jealousy, fwb relationship, explicit sexual content, SMUT, also this is very long

......

Three months had gone by since that night. It was now a regular occurance for you and Kenny to sleep together every few days or so. It started out as a secret, something the two of you found fun, a more... interactive, way to decompress from life and work. You both knew it was only a carnal attraction and that neither one of you have ever mentioned the potential of actually having a relationship together. Although, you couldn’t help your mind from wandering into the world where you and Kenny were public and in a real relationship. You wanted more. Hell, you wanted more that night in the hotel, but you knew he didn’t. You decided early on to accept the nature of the two of you, and hope it wouldn’t end for a long time.

Meanwhile, you started to gain a bit of momentum with AEW fans, which you were ecstatic about. Kenny, he was more proud than anyone, not that he would ever admit it, but he was. He had offered multiple times to train you and give pointers, but you denied him each time. You were certain that it would only further complicate the nature of your relationship. So, you went to a few old friends for advice instead. Before AEW, you had a few spots on WWE but were mainly shoved in the back behind the typical highlighted female wrestlers. However, you always kept your friendships close.

Jon and Claudio were like big brothers to you. The report between you and them was always jovial but supportive. When you asked the two of them to help with some pointers in the ring, they were more than happy to help. You of course were friends with Rene as well. She always asked you if you would go and propose a storyline to Tony and guys. "What about Kenny?" she asked

"What about him?" you felt yourself get a little flustered and afraid that she knew about you and him. "I bet you, he would listen and get you a new story line, better than just a run in or a mixed tag with Jon." "Maybe, but I don't want to ask him for anything like that. Just feels weird." "Why? He's literally always saying to feel comfortable to come to him or the Bucks about that kind of thing. That's kinda his job, here come with me."

She grabbed you by the wrist and took you towards Tony's office, knowing they were about to get done with a preshow meeting. "Kenny! Hey, y/n here won't ask, so I am going to do it. She's been busting her ass and getting more and more over with the fans. I think she needs a full storyline, put her with Jon or something."

Kenny has a smirk on his face, looking down at you and before he could speak Tony comes from behind him. "Well, perfect! We just were talking about new lines, and we wanted to put you with the Elite, but we can do BCC. Hell, we can even do a build up. Fans are already pushing for you to get with Kenny or Yuta, so thats perfect."

You and Kenny both look at him, "What??" Your face is red, and Kenny starts to say thats not what they talked about. "I know, I know, but look we put you with the BCC, play up the part that you and Jon and Claudio have known each other forever. Then you and Yuta get together later on. Gives it like a badass couple thing."

Kenny looks at you, and back at Tony, "So what do you think? I know that's kinda loose, but i like it better than my original idea. I was just going to have you be with the Elite, but I like this better."

"I love it, thank you!" You say excitedly and Looking over to Kenny, "You're okay with being in a romance line with Yuta??" he asks. "I mean. yeah. I dont really have a problem with that.' "Oh really?"

Renee and Tony look on awkwardly, you don't even understand that Kenny's a little hurt by the way you saw no problem with the story line. You look at him confused and he holds back the urge to say something. But he swallows his pride and glances at Tony, "Cool, thats fine with me too. Just don't fall for Yuta." Another awkward silence falls upon the room.

"Heh, okay... Will do my best" you awkwardly laugh off. Kenny looks at his phone and quickly makes an excuse to leave. You start to walk away with Renee, "Well that was weird, but Yay!! You've got some screen time now. And I'll make sure that Jon doesn't take the spotlight, you know he loves to talk." she laughs. "Yeah it will be fun, I just need to get with Wheeler and see how we want to play this out."

"And Kenny," Renee interjects

"What? you reply

"You need to meet with Kenny too, to see how they want to do the whole cat and mouse thing. Tony said they're planning the whole love triangle thing out right? So you need to meet with Ken too." "Oh Yeah, thats true"

"soo... are we just not going to address how Kenny seemed upset that you chose a story line with Wheeler over him?" blushing you say "oh please he's not hurt. He has a big enough ego to keep him safe from falling off a mountain." you laugh

"Oh do I? Well if my ego isn't too big for you, maybe you can make some time and talk about how we're supposed like I would actually want something to do with you in the first place." he said irritated, "Ken, hey, that's not cool" Renee came to your defense. You couldn't think of anything to say as you were holding back tears from his comment. "I- Im just going to go back to the room. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"you dont have to be a dick to her to get her to like her, You're not twelve" Renee told kenny as you walked away. "You don't know what you're talking about" "I think I do, otherwise you wouldn't be acting like this. Jist go tell that poor girl that you Like Like her and maybe she'll eat lunch with you tomorrow in the cafeteria." He looked at her in silence, "You're a grown man, just ask her out. And as for the Yuta line, its our job and you know that. Dont make her give up a great opportunity just because you cant step to plate. This is why I -"

"What if I've already messed it up?" she looked confused, "What if I've already given her the idea that I don't want anything to do with her?" He looked at Renee, angry but at himself and looking for real advice. "Then I'd go talk to her, without being a dick, and tell her what you actually want. Oh, and stop with the whole Friends with Benefits bullshit, neither one of you are the type anyway." Kenny had a shocked look on his face, "Dude, its glaringly obvious... We all stay in the same hotels, and you're not as sneaky as you think. Especially y/n, I love her but she cant lie worth shit. I ran into her once and she said she was going for a walk... It was almost one in the morning and we were in Downtown Detroit... Look just go and hope that she still even wants your ass after that stunt."

Kenny quickly left and git his things to meet you at the hotel. You had separate rooms but they were adjoining this time. It made things easier, though apparently it didn't make it more secretive. Kenny checked into his room, and looked in the mirror to make sure he looked okay. He had stopped by drug store on the way to the hotel to buy you flowers, they were beat up but he thought they were still nice. As he was getting up the nerve to knock at your door he could hear the muffled sound of you crying.

You were on the phone, explaining to the other line that you were stupid to think that there was even a chance. He could hear the words, 'I hate. I even let myself get this close to him.' The sentence crushed him, he never wanted to make you feel this way. He never honestly thought that you wanted any more either. In the moment, he wanted to walk away, but his hand continued to knock on the door. He immediately regretted the action as he heard ypu abruptly end the call.

"Ken?" He heard you timidly say towards the door. He stood silent. "Kenny? ... Tyson?" He could hear your steps towards the door and befor he could back away you were face to face. "Uh, hi" He said. You stood silent.

"Look, I'm really sorry Y/N. I was an ass, a huge fucking dick. I- I just I dont like the idea of you being with someone else..." The air felt thick around and the silence was deafening. "I got you these, I know it doesn't make it better. I just, I'm sorry. You're beautiful and smart and funny and kind and I just dont like the idea of sharing you even if its just a story line, you're mine and i Just dont-"

"I'm yours?" You questioned quietly, tears still in your eyes. He looked up sheepishly, and stammered "Not minelike I own you or something, Like you're my girl. Well, not like my girlfriend because i knoe you just want a casual thing...Which is fine, but i Dont know just maybe like I think about being.."

"Ken-"

"... that maybe we could. its stupid forget it sorry."

"Tys-"

" My point is to do the Yuta line and I'll stop being a dick, and I'm sorry."

A moment passes,

"I never said I wanted casual, i thought you did."

"Well, I thought I did at first but the more I think about I dont want anyone else but you. And when Tony said that he was going to put you with Wheeler, the thought of you in his arms pissed me off and I apparently just decided to show my ass. Im sorry"

"It's just the job though,"

"And I know that, and I have done enough of this shit that shoulf be able to separate it from reality, but it just hit me wrong."

"What if we weren't casual?"

He smirked slightly to himself, "Would you being willing to have me after tonight?"

"Oh you definitely have been an ass tonight, and your dumbass made me cry. Which I'm never forgiving by the way, but I like your dumbass. Its one of my favorite parts of you. I lo- I really care about you Kenny. but you cant stunt my career because we have something together."

"I know that, and I never intended to do so. And I- fuck it, Y/N I dont want this, us, to be a casual thing anymore. I want you, I want to be with you. I want to go to bed with you, wake you to you and be with you every day. I don't want to sneak around anymore. I just, I love you damnit and I don't want anyone else thinking they can have you. Y/N will you go ou-"

You reach up and kissed him passionately, your arms around his neck. Deepening the kiss.

Your passion was quickly reciprocated as Kenny cupped your face, kissing you harder and leading you further into the room.

In seconds, the back of your knees hit the bed. Without hesitation, Kenny sweeps you up from under you and lays you on the center of the bed without ever breaking away from your lips. You feel his hands sliding up your thighs and under your shirt. He quickly finds your bare breast and kneeds the soft mound briefly before removing your shirt entirely. Hes quick to connect his mouth to your chest, sucking and nibbling on your sensitive nipples, making sure to leave a mark. You hiss at the pain but he breaks away to look you in the eye, "I know, but I need to make sure everyone knows your mine"

Your legs wrapped around his body as he towers over you giving him the prime opportunity to slip his hands downward and strip you of your shorts.

"God i love when you dont wear panties" He starts to space words apart with kisses on your body, leading to your core. "almost. As Much. As I Love. This. Perfect. Little. Pussy. Right. Here."

You instantly moan, as you feel hes his tongue swipe and circle over your clit. He moans against you causing the an soft vibration where you need it most. "Fuck Ken- God, Right there" You entangle your hands in his hair, pressing him deeper into you. "Fuckkk, Tyson..." You feel his fingers plunge into your pussy, instantly hooking them to hit the deep spot inside you. It never mattered what the situation was, he always knew exactly what and where you needed it most. He could feel you already starting to grip his fingers, when he looks up at you, his blue eyes darkened with lust, his beard scratching along your skin. "Cum for me baby, let me hear you. I want to taste how good I make you feel."

With that you cam undone, moan loudly, screaming his name, you hands clutching the sheets, legs writhing under his weight. But he didn't stop, Kenny kept going until you were babling nonsense before he even took his cock out. Muttering to yourself, trying to catch your breath, he stands, face dripping with your cum and a proud smirk across his face. He rids himself of his pants, his cock springing fre only to immediately be caught by his hand, stoking himself feverishly.

"Fuck y/n look at you. You're fucking perfect, so beautiful when you're cock drunk, and I haven't even fucked you yet. Leaning over you to look you in the eyes, tiling your chin in his direction. He gruffly says, "You're absolutely perfect, and you're mine. No one else gets to have you like I do, and no one can satisfy me like you do. So, I'm going to show you why no one can ever satisfy you like I can."

[mae-i-scribble]

I've recently read through all of fabiniku (my life as an ordinary guy who reincarnated as a girl or something like that for the english title) and it's just been such a fun and genuine time that made me so much more endeared to the series than I thought I was going to be going into this. And for me it touches on a very important part of representation and the argument that queer people will inherently tell queer stories better (spoiler alert i think this mentality is simplistic and unrealistic). Because full disclosure, yeah the author of fabiniku is not someone i assume is the best ally on the planet, and i dont even know if she's queer or not. Her author notes have some pretty :/// stuff in them about trans identity and the idea that being trans is a fetish or childish choice. However, there could also be translational errors messing up what exactly she means, and I can't exactly translate myself, so there is some doubt in that regard. But regardless of the author's opinions, none of that changes the very genuine and heartfelt story she is telling with Tachibana in fabiniku.

(putting the rest under a readmore bc its getting longer than i thought)

There's a reason fabiniku got its reputation as one of the queerest isekai's to ever isekai and that reputation is well deserved bc holy shit yeah these bitches gay and trans as hell. Fabiniku does something with its queer narrative that I personally really appreciate: it sidelines the queer themes. Now this may seem contradictory, but for me, I don't always want queer stories about being queer, I want the queer elements to be a part of the narrative without it being focused on them. And fabiniku absolutely delivers on this. It isn't the story of tachibana finding out he's trans and jinguuji finding out he's gay but also kinda technically bi now- it's a batshit insane isekai romcom about 2 best friends realizing they have feelings for each other. Of course, those queer elements are still very much there, but they're entrenched in the characters, not in the author saying "see this aspect of identity, i want to use these characters as a vehicle to tell a story about it." (Not that there's anything wrong with that, its just a difference in writing goals and how one goes about writing themes/stories)

Fabiniku was never trying to be anything profound or meaningful in terms of queer representation, its mostly a gag manga with some large overarching story beats, but the author's earnestness in portraying the romance and personal growth gives the series a real heart that 1)makes it enjoyable unlike some other comedy based isekai and 2) stops it from being offensive representation. Tachibana is a guy who finds himself becoming a girl one day without and warning, and his slow journey into realizing what exactly he wants in regards to his gender identity is never used as the butt of the joke or mocked. (I'm using he/him for tachibana bc literally as of a couple chapters ago we just got him admitting he may not want to go back to being a guy, he's still on the first steps of his trans journey). In the same vein Jinguuji's love of Tachibana is never truly treated as "only now bc tachibana is a girl, no way did jinguuji love him before nope nope." (yes the initial premise suggests this interpretation, but as the manga grows on it is increasingly clear that both these 2 loved each other before this isekai shenanigans began).

There's a lot more words in my head, but Im gonna wrap it up here. Fabiniku is hardly "perfect" representation, but it is telling a meaningful story with a lot of love put into it regardless. Blaming its mistakes on the author not being trans or gay while ignoring its strengths is useless nitpicking. I saw a post saying it would be a much funnier manga if a trans person wrote it, which is such an illogical point to make that I just had to go ????? at my screen for a minute. There's a lot to talk about with this story, and that's what you took away from it?? And im not saying there aren't criticisms to be made, I still think Jinguuji's arc should have been about him realizing that even if he didn't like women, it didn't change the fact that he was attracted to Tachibana- would have made for a more in character arc for him but again, the author was never intending for anything more than a romantic comedy manga, so I won't hold it against her too much.

Anyways everyone go watch or read fabiniku you won't regret it its so fucking good

[spookberry]

thoughts on that Wednesday Addams show

-the writing is incredibly juvenile in a way only an adult man who is not actually nor ever has been an "outcast" could accomplish

-that being said all the actors were really amazing! Especially Jenna Ortega!!!

-One thing I liked but felt was more by accident than by design was the way that this school of "outcasts" were like, really normal?? Like theyre just teenagers who happen to not be human. Which makes the fact that Wednesday is a human who's Not Normal kind of compelling. Wish this was an intentional idea though, it could've been played with a whole lot more.... also i just kinda wish they'd picked a word other than "outcasts" to call them. like oh my god i could absolutely see some line during the climax where theres all this petty teen drama where someones like "i might not be human, but at least im not a Monster like you Wednesday" woulda been AWESOME

-Wednesday's love triangle was lame and if she had to get with a guy I'd've preferred Eugene. I love his sibling relationship with wednesday sooo much. One of my favorite dynamics. However if she HAD to get with a guy. Id pick him. He reminds me of Joel from Addams Family Values.

-the fact that two guys fell wildly in love with Wednesday without her doing absolutely anything and also very clearly not returning the sentiment whatsoever and instead just using them whenever she needs them was really funny and on brand, wished the show had been self aware about it

-I really wish the other female characters played bigger roles? Like Enid was Great and I loved the glimpses of her friendship with Wednesday and Thing and their HUG omg,,, I wish the romance plots had been axed in favor of giving Wednesday's friendships more time to shine.

-I also wish Enid and Wednesday had danced together at the Rave'N. Enid goes and dances with all her friends but she never goes over to have fun with Wednesday :( it just felt wrong like, narratively, we saw how excited Enid was about Wednesday going to the dance and then the camera seems to cut to show Enid get excited from watching Wednesday dance and then they dont even Talk?? I hated that.

-also, Bianca. I really loved the way she was basically friends with Wednesday by the end of the show. Wish the show had done a better job at the Enemies to Friendly Rivals to Friends dynamic. Bianca in general is a REALLY cool character that I want more time with.

-Both Enid and Bianca would've made better love interests than the guys imo

-I did like the mysteries, though I'm not sure how well it actually works with the Addams. Because they wound up adding this plot line, no spoilers, about Gomez being accused of murder and Morticia gets super touchy about it. But like?? theyre the ADDAMS why would they be behaving like this about a death???? Makes no sense to me. Needed to be reworked, cuz there definitely are Ways to have made it work imo.

-I really loved all of the costuming for Wednesday though the color correction done on the uniforms makes me kinda sad. i think it would've been fun if the school had been more vibrant and full of life to better contrast who Wednesday is and how she stands out.

-Wednesday's relationship with Morticia is really weird, but in general I get the feeling that certain people involved didn't actually know what Morticia's character was like... at all? And a lot of the problems with the family dynamics stems from this mischaracterization of Morticia in particular. I know some people didn't like Wednesday going through a rebellious phase, but I actually think that fit her character just fine, it's how her parents react to this rebellion that feels out of character to me.

-the fact that they had a romance arc about a werewolf who struggled to be a werewolf and an awkward gorgon..... Very Monster High 2022 to me ngl

-Wednesday is Autistic and you can't convince me otherwise. Everything from the way all of her social interactions are written to the way she literally diverts eye contact whenever theres a closeup shot while she talks to people. shes just like me fr.

overall i give it a 6 out of 10. I wouldn't go around recommending it to people, it's kinda bad, but I got some enjoyment out of it,, so not fully the worst.

But Also if you haven't seen it I WOULD recommend you go watch the fanmade Adult Wednesday Addams series on youtube. It's a classic!

[meetthegofer]

🫣🐕 for the ask meme!!

I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD ASK THESE... thank you mj o7 these ended up being kinda long [well. the first one was] so its going under a readmore so it doesnt absolutely demolish the dashboard of whoever comes across it

🫣 - Who stumbled the most with their feelings around the other? How much did the other person notice?

this one's fun. i think sniper definitely stumbled more with his feelings, even though for all intents and purposes he was the more confident of the two... when fossey realized her feelings she was pretty resigned to the idea that she wasnt very desirable or at the very least Not His Type, so he didnt really make any moves until she actually had reason to think he might like them back. if not for sniper returning those feelings the crush wouldve probably gone away honestly!

but sniper... though i doubt he was ever too inexperienced with romance/fossey certainly isnt his First love, i think the fact that his feelings kinda snuck up on him is what ended up getting him. usually when he finds himself having those kinds of feelings for someone, its someone hes going to kill [and then probably later be killed By, rinse, respawn, repeat], so hes able to repress it more because they're also an Opponent. but fossey is very much Not a mercenary, in fact he bruises like a peach and he walks around in fucking penny loafers, so hes really quite the opposite of who sniper usually finds... shall we say, chemistry with. because of this, he doesnt really know how to act around them, and as a result in those early days of his crush pre-relationship he probably tried to avoid them more than anything because he didnt wanna make a fool of himself [which, in the sparse interactions they Did have, he was often sure he did (even when it was something almost impossible to notice. like holding the "o" on "good morning" slightly longer than usual)].

fossey noticed the change in behavior but, seeing as they didnt think of themself as ever having a chance in the first place, they didnt register it as "oh hes being awkward because he likes me" and saw it more as "he doesnt wanna see me". they went to apologize after a couple of weeks of this, since they thought theyd Done something, and that was kinda when sniper realized he was being even more stupid by being avoidant and started just. trying to play it cool. basically it was this image [sniper pov]

🐕- Do they have any pets together? If one of them had a pet from before their relationship how well does the pet get along with their partner? Do they have the pets approval or does said pet sit in between them and their partner any time they try to make a move?

considering their living situations [sniper lives out of his camper + fossey has a little apartment for herself], i dont think they have any pets Together, but both of them do love animals very much. i can absolutely see sniper as having some old family dog back home who is miraculously still very alert despite being like 17. idk why thats just the vibes... unsure if he would ever meet fossey but i think it would be quite funny

i dont think fossey would have a pet [they worry about not being responsible enough due to mental health struggles + being so busy with work], but he loooves cats very much... i really like the idea of him feeding any strays that might hang around teufort and theres probably some near the base that have kinda become regulars + they all really like fossey... at first sniper thinks its a bit stupid [hes more of a dog person + hes sure that soldiers raccoons would have Opinions on the matter, plus maybe the cats arent the biggest fan of him] but he sees fossey petting one of the strays one day and hes just like Fuck. i get it now.......

unrelated but i love this video + this ask made me think about it so im tagging it on at the end here. please enjoy weewee as payment for how long this ended up being

[heartslobbf]

i watched heartstopper s2 because i was an avid osemanverse enjoyer in my early teen years (back when alice oseman still had anons on rip) and owe some of my aspec self-discovery to their writing. i knew they had written an aroace storyline into this series and wanted to see it because whilst i knew as an aroallo lesbian i wouldn’t totally resonate and might be a bit cheesed off by aspects of it, i enjoy aromantic crumbs, and i enjoy discussing aspec Stuff even more. it was……. an interesting experience? has certainly given me a lot to think about. gushy rant below the cut :)

i will say, i think that the amatonormativity is still strong, and rigid in this show. it’s like, isaac is the exception to the rule and his true love is books, and he gets to yell at his friends for all being so damn couple-y and romance-obsessed but there’s no resolution to that. is that realistic? yeah, sure, allo friends can fucking suck, but heartstopper is the kind of show aiming to do certain things for queer kids where id expect a dialogue about this. you know, charlie & co coming to understand aspec identities and becoming more conscious of how amatonormativity affects them, interrogating it in such a way that these queer couples can also be liberated from its trappings. juicy shit like that. didnt happen tho. isaac gets a book about asexuality (no mention of aromanticism on its cover!!! the word is used by the artist who vaguely explains both terms to isaac, but there is a much greater focus on asexuality, so much so that this morning i saw pink fucking news celebrating isaac’s asexual storyline without a mention of his aromanticism) and that’s it.

a lot of that criticism is arguably coloured by my experience as an aroallo person, because i just want aromanticism to be engaged with as aromanticism. you know aroaces we are besties in arms solidarity and all that, and im so fucking happy you got some great asexual rep that frequently used the word asexual, as well as your flag and iconography. like fuck yeah!!!!!! let’s go!!!!!! however, aromanticism is not a subset of asexuality, is not an ‘extreme form’ of asexuality, does not necessarily have anything to do with asexuality. im sure the aspec folks know this, but allo fuckers dont and that means that this canonically aromantic character who was emotionally affecting to me is one that im gonna be barred from resonating with again and again.

you know, moments of isaac’s story were so profound and moving for me. i cried at the kiss scene in episode 5, it was probably the single most relatable moment of tv (related to my experiences with sexuality) that ive ever seen. its certainly not my favourite tv moment of all time lol, relatability ≠ quality, but when youre part of a marginalised group and experience a lot of loneliness and alienation surrounding your identity it is great to see it reflected. i honestly loved that shit!!!!! ive been there!!!! that’s me!!!!!! the wanting and the not wanting!!! the jealousy and confusion and alienation, the longing to be able to feel what you can’t just so you don’t have to be so lonely, the knowledge that you’re just not that person…… oh it was great. it was fucking great. so you can maybe appreciate how upsetting it is for other people to neglect the aromantic facets of this canonically aromantic character, when we dont get shit.

having said that, asexuals also dont get shit; my issue is absolutely not with isaac being aroace, but rather with how mainstream understanding of aspec identities is still so piss poor that people neglect the aromantic aspect of that identity. i found isaac to be a relatable character and i enjoyed and appreciated that about him; i wish more people would talk about him being both asexual and aromantic, because aromanticism does not get talked about enough as anything other than an ‘extension’ of asexuality, an idea which only diminishes the complexity and vastness of both (fucking awesome and beautiful) identities. love and light and solidarity forever with all other aspec folk <3

[alitgblog]

s9 vol 7 thoughts: ah fuck this season has its problems but I don't think I've ever been this conflicted over love interests in a while

STEFAN 😍😍😍 literally I have to change my top five islanders now like I'm so sorry evan. AND he's an artist?? And it's my own fault for already buying into the second chance romance bit before he even showed up but like he's not ugly? omg stop. oof it's tough, like, shit I'm so sorry Natasha and Hamish I don't know who to pick in this love square they've got

him illustrating his sister's book for his sisters?? 🥺 I may be folding for that alone

I like Cassius' design. I like it more than Theo's but he does remind me of Liam unfortunately. and also he's looking like my MC's cousin this season so I gotta pass this time but makes it easier for me. but he does seem great, I like him and he's sweet without being boring (so far), but I also kinda wish we had an LI that gave us more pushback/banter? bc I picked a few options that disagreed with his whole thing about love/fate and he was just like "yeah fs that's a cool opinion too" which OK I get it he's nice but I'm just kinda sick of all the Islanders being so agreeable to MC. I guess Marshall is supposed to be the banter-y one but I have problems with him being here so I wish it was Cassius instead.

that being said they're fucking teasing me with this response to why are you here though

also at some point Cassius calls his season boring and I thought it was funny fusebox was dunking on themselves bc I didn't finish s7 either but no he was just referring to the fact he got dumped quickly.

I'm glad Lyle is back, like I'd be upset if an islander was only brought on for a date and then left, so I'm not mad at this even though he was momentarily mad at MC (and that became nothing?? like just take out that plot point) and i dont really care hes only coded in for Kat now. I'm just more upset bc they've literally already done this in S8 bc your LI has to pick between Sienna and Bea when they get "dumped" and then Sienna comes back in Casa.

And then we get to marshall and I don't even wanna talk about it. And ive made separate posts and reblogged some opinions on that so ill just add that also i hate his orange outfit. him dressing all white and ozzy all black was peak I hate he's out here in orange smh.. anyway so that'll be easy for me to not pick this season

although we get this and I thought it was funny like OK fine you got me marshall

he says it with a smile too not even angry/sarcastic

then after that I honestly don't remember what happens apart from way too many challenges all at once and the whole Stefan storyline. I wanted him to be a little upset initially bc it did seem like MC had some misunderstanding and then left him so quickly like I just wanted a little bit of angst where he came in with the gameplan of wanting to give her a piece of his mind and was on the show bc he couldn't contact her any other way, before he realized he was being silly and just was happy to see her again. like if anything, the story beats that Lyle goes through being snarky at mc in episode 1 then immediately asking for forgiveness by episode 3 makes more sense for Stefan but nah instead it just feels like another perfect li loyal route (which is fine but I like some tension in the story). like we can still have the terrace scene where he explains things though.

also if I saw this on love island? I'd be voting for them without question the angst is so good

OK I'm looking thru my screenshots and am now remembering I was upset at raunchy races for being subjective again. notable offenses:

straight out the gate, most creative boy and Kelly says "craft brewing is creative" gtfo as if it's not Chen the set designer (and anyone who brought back Lyle from the dates, I'd imagine musician over craft beer brewer as well)

Kat somehow doesn't win best dancer

I love Kelly and sure, biggest foodie but not when my mc is a chef smh at least in S6 the dialogue would change slightly with your occupation lmao

the physical challenge is OK but I just think it doesn't belong in casa. like on the actual show where they spend real days in casa it's fine but for the game that has to shorten it bc the volumes definitely don't add up to the length of real love island, it feels like a waste. if anything, the real villa needed a physical challenge rather than continuing to do variations on excess baggage type games.

someone help Kelly out with the mask pls

anyway the OG islander to visit instead of a postcard is interesting. I think a postcard makes the most sense but bc the game has to fabricate drama while also probably wanting most of the guys to still look good since the villa is like 75% love interests for MC, maybe it makes sense?

I think having it be MC's partner doesn't give us a lot of drama unless MC wants to bring up Stefan. Finn and Hamish could be interesting whether you're pursuing them or not. Like under the guise of them checking in on their partner, but they just care about MC and are asking her not to forget them. Most likely i think it'll be Kat's partner and he'll make up some lies about what's happening in the villa.

anyway a little rough first few weeks of the season but I'm enjoying at least this episode, surprisingly, so we'll seeeeee.... I think the seasons generally gets worse post casa so I'm not betting on this being a good season overall, but I'm not calling it a flop just yet.

[romaritimeharbor]

Ah ok, i’ll probably wait until you finally played the chapter, i still need to fine tune them a bit anyway so i dont mind. Although this does remind me of something.. Oh right, I’ve been wanting to talk about your OC Hestia since i saw your post about her! here are my questions about her:

1. Did La Signora teach Hestia about her magic? Like her Flame witch magic she has?

2. Does she know Eir? If she does, what are her thoughts about them since you mentioned Eir being close with La Signora?

3. How did she get her Vision?

4. What would her DnD Alignment be?

5. Does she possess a delusion? If she does, what element is it?

6. I immediately recognized her name is from a greek god who is the Goddess of hearth and home, does she have any connection to the House of Hearth?

- 🐱 Anon

gotcha! take your time, then. i'll make sure to post about penacony when i do get around to playing it so that you know when i've started <3 YAY OC QUESTIONS ❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️

la signora did not teach hestia about her magic. however, having suspected that her inazuma mission may not go as intended (she literally attended the akademiya, so i truly and wholeheartedly believe that la signora is not a foolish woman. she is just a prideful person), she wrote a letter for hestia's eyes only, in which she explained herself—her past, the pain she has endured, and how hestia can learn her magic, so that hestia might continue the legacy she left behind. hestia is now in the process of learning her magic. it is a... difficult process, to say the least, but hestia does not feel angry or upset over the fact that she cannot master it immediately; if anything, she feels as if this learning process is bringing her closer to her mother figure than she had ever been before. hestia will certainly be a force to be reckoned with once she does master it.

hestia does know eir! eir is one of hestia's most adored and trusted allies. she often travels alongside them, and eir will often end up telling her the stories of their long gone nation. eir also helps hestia with mastering la signora's magic. as a historian, a scholar, and a (formerly royal) healer, eir is well-acquainted with magic and its intricacies. their help is invaluable.

i'm still thinking deeply about this one!! but right now, i'm thinking that maybe she's had it since she was little, since before la signora found her and her father. it isn't unheard of for children to have visions (klee diona sayu qiqi etc), and i think hestia has many good reasons that would validate her having a vision at such a young age—namely, the need to protect her sickly father from snezhnaya's everlasting winter.

chaotic neutral i think! she lives by her own agenda with no care for authority or rules. her freedom of choice comes first and she will not tolerate anyone getting in her way. BUUTTT she is also contradictory to this type in some ways (e.g., hestia would go out of her way to help people if she felt compelled to; many chaotic neutrals do not do this), so maybe chaotic good? honestly i feel that hestia leans more into chaotic neutral because she has more of those traits than chaotic good ones.

she had a delusion at one point, but left it behind when she abandoned the fatui. i haven't decided on the element, because i want it to be symbolic somehow. maybe anemo or geo?

she doesn't actually! i chose her name in reference to the hearth and home she built with la signora. and also because of her pyro vision. there are some other things (like her lack of interest in romance & intimacy; she is a romance-neutral and sex-negative aroace person), but it was mainly about her relationship with la signora. her name is mostly symbolic! so no, she does mot have any relation to the house of the hearth or arlecchino.

[scepterno]

Just curious, what’s your feelings on each season of TDI? I’m sorry if this has been asked before, I was looking and didn’t see anything. Favorite, least favorite? How do you feel about 2023 in comparison to other seasons?

ohoohoho i don't believe ive ever rated the seasons on this blog

here's my preference from favorite to least:

World Tour, Island, Ridonculous Race, Action, 2023, Revenge, Pahkitew, All Stars

I really really like the new season so far. It's definitely not... AMAZING, but it's way better than i thought it would be. i love the new cast, the animation is nice, and i liked most of the challenges we saw. it's such a shame they're cutting into half seasons instead of one long season.

all stars sucks. the cast they chose was garbage, the decisions they made WITH the cast were garbage, everything about this season was garbage. well. it had some funny parts. but it was mostly garbage. the only reason pahkitew is above it is because at least pahkitew didn't assassinate the personalities of our beloved characters. also i love shawn and jasmine.

RR was one of the shows that got me through a really shitty time in my life, so i'll always be SUPER fond of it, even if i didnt agreeeee with some of the choices (cough forcing noah into a romance cough). it was a really refreshing new format with REALLY INTERESTING CHALLENGES!!!!! also i love Don. fuck Don haters. we love ALL total drama hosts in this household. ALSO THE BLAINELEY CAMEO IN THE FINAL EP. SHE AAAAATTTTEEEE. i would be soooo so happy if they ever decided to do RR again

also i do like what little ive seen of total dramarama. its not something i would like.... watch unless im trying to pass time at my job... but i think its a cute show and can be pretty funny at times. baby duncan and cody are definitely my favs in that show.

world tour and island are nearly tied for first place. island just has this raw, deadpan humor that isnt matched by ANY season, not by a long shot, but world tour has Alejandro Burromuerto AND music. i am a musical theatre nerd AT MY CORE!!!! i used to listen to the soundtrack for world tour obsessively. i still know pretty much all the words to every single song.

revenge is a season i havent actually rewatched recently, but i do love the cast from it, especially mike cameron and zoe's friendship (basic, i know). i used to be a huge scott/dawn shipper too. Action is also a season i dont really watch or think about. but it's definitely still one of the best. i am deffo going to need to rewatch it before i write ANY trent fic.

ok i think that about covers everything GENERALLY

i really hope the next season of 2023 has damien in the finale two, and i hope we see wayne and raj split into different teams. GAh theres so much i want to see them do that they wont HAVE TIME FOR!!!! DAMN YOU 13 EPISODE FORMAT!!!

[gracelesslady23]

helloo :)) i'm working on one of your fest prompts but i'd like to stay anon until the reveals for it to be a surprise.

i have a small question - you did not specify this in the prompt, and i have several ideas of my own that i could use, but i wanted to ask you anyway in case you had anything specific in mind that you're imagining and/or like reading.

in a setting where j/s are highschool sweethearts and date up until after the graduation, what would be their reasons for breaking up? i feel like it would have to be something big, i don't think the divide of sirius wanting to get out of the small town vs james wanting to stay close to his parents would be enough to force them apart, there would have to be something p major on top of that that went down and led to the breakup. it's just so hard for me to imagine something big enough to drive them apart like that after so many years together without involving something super major like a third person getting in the middle (whether it's romantic, like lily/remus or walburga/someone else stepping in and meddling w it on top of things that they were already having disagreements on), but i'm not sure if that's something you'd like.... i do think that at 18 they would probably be much more hotheaded and easily explosive than later when they reconnect in adulthood, but still, any of the usual "highschool sweethearts breakup" tropes just,,,, dont sit well with them for me bc i can't see them having that type of "classic" miscommunication, yknow?

anyway sorry for the rant 🙏🙏🙏 ill go now to actually get some writing done ehehehe

Hi!! Thanks so much for reaching out and especially for selecting my prompt! I cannot tell you how excited I am to get to read it!!

That is such an interesting question and I completely agree that something big would need to occur to have them break up and lose contact (in fact I completely agree with all your analysis teenage S&J being hotheaded and easily explosive – yes please!!). I’m going to preface my response by saying, both the ideas you’ve included here (Walburga interference or alternative romance coming on the scene) sound really good and I’d be so happy to see it go in either of those directions.

I’ve written below the cut the direction I would’ve taken it had I gotten around to writing it (instead of prompting it haha), but feel free to pick and choose on the bits that work for you, or ignore it, if none of it does 😊

Ok so the way I saw it going was that the wanting to stay vs wanting to leave divide was like a symptom of the bigger issues between them and the divergence in the lives they wanted to lead. On one side, James wants to get married and have a bunch of kids (probs saw himself adopting/using a surrogate once he got with Sirius) and he wants to do it young so his parents would still be around for those milestones and enjoy being grandparents to a gaggle of kids (even though E&F never put it on him, J was always aware that they wanted more kids than just him and for whatever reason (age, illness etc.) could only have the one, so he wants to give them grandkids). Whereas Sirius at 18, still screwed up by his own unhappy childhood/homelife, is not sure he ever wants to get married or have kids and he certainly doesn’t want it anytime soon, what he wants right now is to do big things and explore the world, not to be tied down, and even though he loves James, he is afraid that getting married etc will change things between them and he doesn’t want to become like his parents/older cousins etc. And still, I don’t think this would be a dealbreaker, but it would be a source of tension between them.

With Sirius leaving for the city after graduation, I can see them having a kind of “soft breakup” with every intention of getting back together, or deciding to do long distance. Either way, they spend the first several months being in constant contact via phone/text (depending on the era) and travelling back and forth on weekends to see each other. But with the distance, the divide between them only grows. Sirius is miserable without James, but he’s still hoping James will see the light and join him in the city, so he puts on a bit of a show: telling James about all the exciting things he’s doing, all the opportunities he has, how interesting his classes are, and the interesting people he is meeting/parties he’s attending. And James is jealous… he loves his parents’ and his town, but he is already bored out of his mind without Sirius, his small town job/tertiary education cannot keep him intellectually stimulated and he feels like he is missing out, and not only that, but for the first time he feels insecure about their relationship and worried that Sirius is growing out of him and might find someone more interesting/exciting to be with.

And so while things are getting really rocky, James accidentally getting Lily pregnant (I’d probably have them in the “soft breakup phase” before this happens, like planning to get back together after things calm down, but not officially together). Maybe Sirius is supposed to come home a certain weekend but can’t for whatever reason, so James gets blind drunk with Lily and they sleep together without protection and its done.

Sirius finds out and is absolutely heartbroken, but thinks that this is James getting everything he’s ever wanted (and everything Sirius couldn’t give him) so he doesn’t fight for their relationship and can't really stomach the thought of keeping in contact while James has a happy family with someone else. James devastated and racked with guilt about the whole thing, and when Sirius doesn’t fight for their relationship, James doesn’t feel like he can either because he feels that he’s betrayed Sirius and if Sirius doesn’t want to be with him or talk to him anymore its far enough.

Anyway as I said that’s just the direction I thought of taking it in. Apologies for how long this was, lol, I can never keep it short when it comes to S/J. Hope it was somewhat helpful, but as I said before feel free to take from that whatever inspiration works for you and discard anything that doesn’t 😊

Happy writing!! I am so excited to read it!!

[ruminate88]

08/05/24 Still On The Healing Journey

Who needs tv, when I can create better visions in my head? 😝😝(but why do I do that?) Also, my dreams likes to show me faces all the time. Still waking up in the night after dreaming of someone. For awhile it was like one dream of Cody after the other but last night it was of Andrew 💔❤️‍🩹 it was a very sad dream and I woke up just feeling frustrated that I can’t get a full night’s rest…

I’ve been waiting for something to finally click in my head and make sense. There has been multiple little things that makes me go, “Oh I get why that happened like that…” but I’m waiting for “big picture” and that might be years down the road. I just don’t know but I understand life is all these pieces of a puzzle coming together to make this grand puzzle complete and show where I started in life and then where I ended up.

Life is so deep if you’ll keep searching and I continue to find lessons and more purpose. I continue to find more love and forgiveness in my heart for my exes Cody and Andrew. My brain wants to see them as great guys that i had romance with but my heart knows how awful they treated me but that they’re human and who am I to judge them?? I’m nobody because I make my own mistakes. I ask God to forgive me every day and to please help cody and andrew be safe and be well within their souls. To have peace ❤️‍🩹

Why would I care so much for two people who basically ruined my life??? The truth is, love is so real and so grand. I’ve always thought that and im not gonna give that up. Even knowing I can’t ever trust andrew or cody. Oh I wanna write the letters so bad and tell them each how sad I am they hurt me and that I love them more than words but I dont want them to misinterpret that how they treated me was okay OR that they can waltz back in my door and abuse me more. Creating boundaries hasn’t been easy cuz I never understood what that was till this stage of my life.

I was always raised on the teachings of “love one another” and “love your neighbor as yourself”. I always tried to love and respect cody and Andrew but truth is, I was also addicted to porn back then and so I was comfortable to talk dirty to each of them and show them my nudes. I understand I can’t take that back and I have to forgive myself. It’s all been a big process for me and I’m still working on it.

Everywhere I turn for help, it screams at me, “Unresolved feelings” and “wanting closure”. I understand I got married so fast after I blocked Andrew’s number because I couldn’t stand the pain. Andrew hurt me more than I could ever express. He made me hate myself and feel like my life wasn’t worth living. My husband however, made me feel safe against Andrew, so I married him so fast to get safe and stable but never really knew IF I was majorly attracted to him or loved him. I didn’t deal with the pain of Andrew 💔💔💔 I covered it up and moved on so fast.

Now years later I can’t continue to hide the pain and the shame has also been unreal. I can’t believe how guilty I’ve felt. When I first found out what “emotional abuse” was, I began to understand why I thought andrew and Cody were toxic. I started to get really angry thinking I was just a joke to them and I started writing my story on this account thinking how stupid I feel and I beat myself up. Over time though, I’ve experienced the guilt and the sadness. More sadness than anything. Sad for Andrew and Cody. Burdened for their souls.

I’ve never tried to contact them or wanted “justice” or “karma” on them. I am not asking them to pay for their abuse towards me. I simply just them to be well and I want to be so healed that I can see them in the street and not feel anything or get upset. Right now, if I saw them ever I would cry so hard. I need to heal these wounds and I can’t do it alone. God is helping me and I’ve made so many mistakes on this journey.

I think my brain wants to make up so many scenarios of Andrew in my head because it’s less painful to think of him as what I hoped he would be with me. Not the scary and hurtful person he actually ended up being. After we broke up, I was so confused, I kept trying to get answers and he kept changing his story. I realized he couldn't tell the truth and that he would only say what he thought I wanted him to say. I knew then I can’t believe anything he tells me or trust him. 🥺❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

Andrew breaking my trust, that just made me so sad. I wanted to trust him and love him. I wanted to be faithful to him but he can’t be faithful to me. I was jealous of his new girlfriend he had so fast but if he can’t be faithful to me, how could he be faithful to her? I’ve since accepted he’s not the one or someone who can treat me right but I’ll always remember when I did trust him and love him. I’ll always remember when I did believe in him and believe in “us”. 🥺💔 when it stops hurting, I don’t know but I’m trying to be patient. I try to focus on my current man but I know I have to heal. I know I have to rebuild trust again completely.

no one could explain to me back then that it was emotional abuse and that I was taking emotional baggage into my marriage. ❤️‍🩹 I’m sorry to my husband not sure what he understands but I know it’s not fair but also he doesn’t ever ask me if I’m ok 😓 my husband never once says I look sad or upset. I always wonder what does he know or think of me? Am I really good at hiding my feelings or does he just not know what to say? ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 I always want my husband to hug me and tell me I’m gonna be ok but he doesn’t and I don’t wanna ask for it 🥺 I’m just too tired.

[fraener]

9/15/23

each day i get a little closer to happiness and freedom again and notice by looking back how unhappy ive been. my hearts been reaching for anything lately, ive felt stagnant in my relationship and in a lot of ways unseen...i think ive been incredibly bored and lonely for a long time now. this was one of the worst years ive had in a while for so many reasons, but ive been wondering the last few days why on earth i saw fit to let myself get so isolated. i felt at the time i was making every effort to prevent that but i felt crushed by the weight of being treated poorly by people i used to spend time with and just sort of feeling closed off from h. been nearly a year and i still feel closed off. it becomes more pronounced when were out but he often seemingly ruefully squirrels himself away in a corner and watches me talk to other people but doesnt try and participate himself. theres that arrogant kind of shyness that i hate so much again. the expectation that the only kind of social interaction worth keeping up is if someone goes out of their way to engage with you and keeps doing so even if you arent engaging with them. im especially gregarious in most situations so i normally dont notice when people are treating me that way, but i dont like seeing it so close to home. we had a tiff recently because i started hanging out with o again where h actually did hurt me a little and it broke my heart. it took so much to get under his shell enough for him to admit why he was treating me so poorly and it really came to light hed benefit a lot from therapy i think. ive been having a not affair with my coworker where weve been spending sort of questionable time together, feels like romance but we dont ever touch. last time we went out really felt like a date which was nice but hes married so on some level we arent able to enjoy each others company too much. its been scratching an itch for me to have a lot of similarity and humor with someone again, and to learn new things about someone and argue with someone and play. last night he wasnt there at the show but i had such an incredible time talking with everyone and it scratched the very same itch...k came for a visit and i re-met some people from p's birthday party that i really enjoyed talking to. my heart felt so full seeing everyone and there felt like so much possibility before me. it felt like i was coming home to a village after being gone a long time. i dont want to go back where i was this year, i wanna go home to the dark pews and puppeteers and string instruments and laughter and stolen glances and what little magic this place has to offer. what a terrible year it was! i think ill start going to the honky tonk again and spending a lot more time with s and p and j. i really think the big thing missing for me was going to shows with people i like and just being in big group merriment in general. not sure how much longer things will go on with h, he hasnt been kissing me lately and i cant tell if its because i told him i needed space or because of something else. hes been kind of touchy though and the thing where each of you are being sarcastic is being taken seriously because theres something not being talked about under there is starting to happen a lot. i cant tell how much more lonely ill be if we break up. might be the same but probably much worse. i love h but i feel like i dont know where he is and feels very far away, and maybe has felt that way the whole time. i think i thought wed get along better by now. schools starting up again in one week so ill see what happens i guess. i feel ready for change though, in a much bigger and more settled way than i have all year. whatever comes will come and that will be that.

[sebastian-speaks]

you know ever since becoming the host of this system ive really started looking in to my sexuality and such, which is hard to do because of my role as a sexual protector. its hard to find the difference between what i really feel and what i was made to do. who im really attracted to versus who i feel like i have to be attracted to.

for a while i thought i was gay. that i liked men and only men. but i think it was really only the thought of that. i had labelled myself as gay so i kind of only chose men to be "attracted" to. which i realize now was just me trying to conform to something. i just wanted something to be stable.

i think what brought me out of this was that time i kissed my friend. him and i were pretty close at the time and we were very much not sober and ended up making out a little bit. at the time i dont think i really noticed anything- but the days after i realized that it was probably one of the most triggering things i've done in a while. im not usually a touchy person so i didn't really know how i would react to those things- especially with men. and when i think about it more, that might have been the catalyst for the shitshow that was the next two weeks. the next time we did that particular drug things got pretty physical with him- and again, it wasn't triggering at the time, but the next few weeks were full pf flashbacks and pulling away from him.

im pretty sure that was the start of my questioning. i had been in a relationship that ended a few months prior, and honestly i never saw it as real. the whole thing had started when his friend said he was in to me and i guess i made up all of my feelings for him from that point on. it was miserable. i never actually liked him- but the whole time i thought i did. i thought "this is what romance feels like".

enough with that- after the whole thing with my friend i sort of pulled away from him. we didn't talk as much. i guess i was subconsciously a little scared of him even, an irrational fear i know now, but it didn't make sense to me then.

but very shortly after, everything changed. the other person in the group had a kind of fwb type of thing going on with the guy. and she talked to me about it. a lot. she would tell me about how she felt about him and such. how much she cared about him. and dont get me wrong- im glad i was the person she went to to talk about it. im glad i was able to be that person for her. but at the same time, hearing about that bond between them made me feel bad. it very well could have just been me being pissy about third wheeling. but i think i just wanted to be cared about in that way.

their thing ended. i was scared that it would mess up the friend group. it did not. i then left the country for two weeks. over those two weeks, me and her started talking WAY more. we were both in europe while the other friend was still in the states, so our time zones were close enough to still talk regularly. we talked a lot and i feel we got a lot closer

after getting back i was home for a few weeks before leaving the state for another two, and i remember a few days before leaving again her and i got very drunk. we ended up making out for a few hours and thats when it hit me. those two weeks i spent out of state ended up just being me questioning everything. at first i thought i was crushing on her- i realized very quickly that i was not. it was more of a i just wanted to be closer to her. i wanted to be someone to her. and i figured out then that romance was not my thing. at all. that i was aromantic and loved my best friend to pieces.

when i got home pretty much the first thing we did as a group was get drunk. and yeah we made out again. but we also talked about it. how we felt and such. a few days later we did some other drugs and talked about it even more. later that week we got together and actually talked about it sober. we agreed that it was nothing romantic.

how do i see it? a more than friends type thing but still platonic. i love her. i love her so much. so much more than she knows. i just want to be around her because she makes me happy. being out of state again is making me realize this more. i love how excited she gets when talking about the little things that make her happy. i love how much she cares. and i miss her. i miss her so much. i miss the sound of her voice. i miss being around her. shes just so great. not to mention shes fucking gorgeous-

i think i have it figured out now though. i know im aromantic and im content with that. im happy where im at now and im hoping it just gets better from here. im getting back home in a few days and im crossing my fingers that we'll be able to see each other.

anyways xoxo, sebastian:)

ill probably be using this blog for stories like this! hooray!

[soulless-bex]

Hello! This may seem very out of the blue, but I was looking up posts about aroace rep in media and saw one that you had written so wanted to ask your opinion on something if you don't mind! (There's no pressure to answer this by any means.)

I'm in the very early days of planning a thriller/detective kind of graphic novel and I've got two main characters who are fleshing out at the moment. One of whom is an aroace guy! I'm yet to decide whether I want there to be any direct address to his identity but I do know that I want it to be evident from the start, and I'm gonna have him wear an aroace flag badge because he's very comfortable and proud of it. As for his character, he's quite grumpy and sarcastic and enjoys telling people where they can stick it. (There's more to him, don't worry, but that's an overview.)

The other character I have is his best friend. More characters are going to be introduced pretty early on and will become just as central but these are the two we begin with. The rest of the crew will have various romances mixed in here and there, including one with aroace guy's best friend.

Now here comes the bombshell. I'm planning on killing aroace guy. IS THIS A BAD DESCISION? IS IT TOO MEAN TO KILL HIM OFF? The thing is, I know somebody needs to die and from the start I've known it would work well with his character for him to die after some time in an escape with the rest of the group. But I'm worried that it's a cruel blow to the aspec community to give them a canonically aroace character only for him to die. I don't want to push the idea that aro and/or ace characters can't have happy endings because they won't necessarily have a Somebody to end up with. However, I do want to explore the intense grief that the rest of the characters experience because of this person's death, especially his best friend. I think it could be important to show the amount of love in and around his life despite him being aroace. He won't just be forgotten about - in fact I intend for his death to heavily contribute to his best friend's character arc after it happens and he'll be directly referenced a lot afterwards.

Still, I'm concerned if this is still a bad choice, and one that people might be upset about if they read it. Am I pulling a Netflix writer move by doing this? You know like when they always kill off the lesbians? If you have any opinions on this it would be amazing if you could let me know from an aroace person's point of view! Tysm x

honestly, as long as it is important to the plot and the continuation of the story then it should be fine. i dont have your draft or anything so i don’t know what you’re planning on doing for sure, but as long as it doesn’t read as you getting rid of the character/killing the character for fun then you should go with it

some people might have a different opinion, but i firmly believe that if the only representation a minority gets ends up being the good guy that lives happily ever after, then it defeats the whole purpose. those characters, even if they’re apart of a minority group, are still, most of the time anyway, human. they will make mistakes, they will be mean, they will walk down a dark path, and yeah, they will die

i think it only really becomes problematic if the characters that represent said minority are continuously killed for seemingly no reason. to add representation only to say your stories are diverse and then kill them off is when it becomes an issue

but if, as you said, it makes sense for that character to die and then helps further the character development of other characters, then you shouldn’t let their identity stop you from writing what you want

and honestly, i’d rather have dead representation than no representation at all

[cosmics-beings]

@darkstarofchaos

Yes! I agree with most of this!

Especially this part:

Ironically, I trust this batch of writers more than I’ve trusted just about any canon writers. They’ve handled so many other difficult topics so well so far that I can’t see them flubbing an abuse narrative. Certainly not to the extent of other media (on that note, “IDW was hanging by a thread”. IDW dropped Starscream from Megatron’s arc entirely after Megatron’s trial, and the abuser went on to get therapy and make friends, and even achieve his dream of being a medic. While his victim spent the remainder of his life paranoid, isolated, and hated. To me, that is the definition of mishandling abuse).

This was my main issue. Even DURING the trial, starscream was made into the aggressor. HE was made as the 'violent' one and the one that megatron had to be protected from. when starscream tried to be vocal about his abuse, he was essentially told to shut up by megatron's friends. Starscream, as you said, spent the rest of his life paranoid, bitter, alone (because of his abuse), and never getting closure. And yes, EMPHASIS on hated. Megatron didn't get any of that. He got to spend his time making new friends, starting his life over again, making friends (friends who hated starscream btw), etc. So yes i agree with this. THANK you for that, because that is my main issue. Starscream really didn't get any justice, because megatron wasn't ever held accountable for anything he did to Starscream.

Megatron also never saw Starscream as his victim , at all. In fact even after he was redeemed, he loved the idea that he still frightened Starscream. That was really REALLY bad writing. The only good thing is that Starscream is 'liberated', but even then, Megatron's abuse ruins his life until the very end.

I agree with everything else you've said 1000000% but i just wanted to say THANK YOU for this part.

@imdefinitelyinwaytoomanyfandoms i agree with everything in your previous post as well! Though there is one thing I would want to dispute, but this is very much my perspective, so it's something that I don't expect you to 100% agree with - i'd just like to share my view.

Also, whilst Megastar is a ship I love, I think that if Megatron and Starscream reconciled, especially if romance happens (the rumour about the fanartist on the team... I'm allowed to hope), it would be rather problematic. Someone being abused, and then going back to their abuser after they become a better person... Even though people do change... Trauma is trauma.

You said this, and i completley understand where you are coming from. in my personal opinion, i think that if a writer can handle it well, and respectfully than it can exist without being problematic (especially for writers who are abuse victims themselves, like me :D). Megastar is my all time otp and the main way i write it, is focusing through healing and addressing the trauma and abuse that happens in the ship, but more importantly, addressing how megatron is able to realize how poorly he treated starscream, and actually do the work to fix it, and how starscream is able to heal. one of my personal hcs is that, even if i ship them, i don't see them as being romantic during the war, at all. i dont actually see them as a couple. My stance is that they become a couple after the war, when there is no abuse because they are both different people and they are both healing, and the relationship they then enter is one that has no abuse in it, because it takes place after the war and together, they are different people. That is my take.

i don't disagree with how you see things and im certainly not gonna try to argue or prove your perspective wrong! i just wanted to share my perspective. I talk a lot about the abuse that starscream goes through, but i also like writing about him and megatron actually combating a lot of what they went through (and even megatron's past of abuse being brought up, because he is a victim of abuse himself, and that may in turn result in how he treats starscream. it isn't an excuse, but it's an explanation. it is very similiar to how even if star is a victim of abuse, he is violent and practically abusive to knockout in their friendship).

i just, have hope. i dont like engaging with megastar fics/content that glorifies or excuses the abuse so i understand your perspective. but i do think it's possible for a writer to focus on the abuse/trauma and if they are able to write it in a respectful, thoughtful way, then imo post war megastar is possible.

regardless thank you both very much for your additions!

also adding this part to talk about because YES - EVEN OPTIMUS

And honestly, the mocking and disdain SO much media seems to have for "weak" (unmasculine) males is REALLY misogynistic and homophobic. Some writers enjoy writing femme/unmadculine villains and subjecting them to violence and humiliation...

And Starscream being insulted and pathetic is played for laughs a lot. Yes, the Autobots and Decepticons are all snarky as heck, yes, it's a violence-ridden series... Even so, he's literally referred to as a "stiletto heeled creep". And even OPTIMUS PRIME mocks him about not being able to fly. Like... There's lowkey an Unfortunate Implication if even the HEROES/GOODIES are brutalising him (and they don't treat the other Decepticons that way)... "it's fine if this guy is brutalised by everyone including the good guys cause he's a sissy"

Like... Wtf?

AND thank you - yes it is a mixture of homophobia and misogyny and it's just very gross. I don't understand what the point of making him very femme queer coded was if they are going to up the brutality that he is treated with, especially by extremely masculine characters. The act of calling a queer femme man a creep is also really not good, considering the implications and the harmful streotypes that come with it. And then beating him up.

And the thing is, megatron isn't the only one who brutalizes him and it's made humorous. ALL the characters do. Even when starscream attempted to be good, the autobots still brutalized and mistreated him in various points. and this wouldn't be an issue if they didn't welcome other decepticons in their ranks with open arms.

but the very obvious femme queer one is treated the worst. even worse than megatron

i do think that the abuse or violence in Megatron and Starscream's relationship must either be talked about in TF Earthspark or just just taken out completley - i am BEGGING for the latter.

The writers (and even fandom) have not done good handling it at all, and I just don't think it needs to be something shoved in Earthspark. I think that Prime was probably the best example and chance for them to actually discuss it in a way that gave Starscream a voice, but also didn't excuse/pacify him but it just failed, completely. And fans in general just don't care, especially because most in prime thought he deserved every bad thing that happened to him, and the writers seemed to be intentionally be going out of his way to torture him. Like his actual abuse was made as a humorous thing and everyone, including fans and writers laughed.

Earthspark presents a much more sympathetic Megatron, and I just dont see how the abuse narrative could be handled or treated. I don't think, with how loved Megatron is now, that Starscream's narrative of abuse (if it existed) would be given the respect it needed because there is no way the fandom is going to turn on this Megatron, just like they didn't the majority of times Starscream was his victim (and i am talking mainly about in prime)

it would to me at least, just not make sense to weasle that narrtive in here (it is also out of character for earth spark megatron because he would've mentioned it by now. it is also obvious starscream may be someone important to him). and my biggest opinion is that their relationship would have such a bigger impact in Earthspark if it was good, if they respected each other, and if different sides, and ideas just tore them apart. It would be far more impactful to me if, even if they are angry toward one another, their relationship pre-Megatron switching sides was really good and healthy. Because it would make the development and Starscream's eventually fall into heroism (don't @ me i'm just manifesting) even more genuine and it would make their realtionship more unique. If there was conflict presented, not because they hated one another, but because they genuinely had respect for one another, then that is more unique and original.

Prime handled the abuse like garbage ngl, and IDW was hanging by a thread. And it was even worse in prime because starscream himself was very obviously queer coded and he was brutalized not just by megatron but everyone and i mean EVERYONE, and it was written out to be a very nasty joke, and something he deserved (and starscream is always queercoded, not just in prime, but tfp was the show that changed his WHOLE appearence in a way that pushed that idea for so many). Which people ate that shit up :/ So my hope and my predication is that, they are going to have a better relationship. Because the turbulent relationship just isn't going to work for this megatron and more importantly it is not fair for Starscream either.

this goes without being said, since i've seen at least two people imply that im woobifying starscream when i make these posts BUT, i am not trying to woobify or pacify his actions. like i know he isn't an innocent person and i know he's a villain - okay? okay?