#i dont think anyone said fuck idk i blanked in and out of existence while watching this

[teetlesandnimjas]

It’s 4 in the morning. Want a monologue of me watching the TMNT 2014 Bay Movie? Of course you do. I hate this so much

I watch the god awful TMNT 2014 movie- a monologue. If you find this, I’m sorry.

Oh the intro’s wicked. It’s like 2d and shit and the detail

Oh wtf is that the character models??? Wait are we gonna see them or???

Who’s this bitch? Is that supposed to be April?

Oh fuck she’s played by Megan Fox. WHY WOULD YOU HAVE APRIL BE PLAYED BY MEGAN FOX???

Oh oh wow okay so there’s an Asian girl with multicolor hair and she’s evil. I love her, how could I not.

Will say- cinematography is good. I feel sorta immersed and shit. And it’s also like really interesting

Okay so she followed them to a subway... and got taken hostage by the Asian lady. Who’s the Asian lady again??? Who are you??? You’re hot that’s all I know

Okay how tf they gonna ninja this shit it’s completely illuminated?

“All aboard” Oh so these motherfuckers riding the train oh the lights went out oh that makes sense

Oh this is a cool shot. Almost makes up for MeGAN FUCKING FOX WHY???

Oh these motherfuckers are so loud- you can hear them from the street while they’re on a rooftop while also in fucking NEW YORK?? How???

Dumbasses

“He’s doing his Batman voice” “I only watched Batman once” heh funny Batman crossover reference because that was a thing

Y’all these motherfuckers terrifying wtf

“She’s looking at us like we’re freaks” bitch IM LOOKING AT YOU LIKE YOUR FREAKS WTF ARE THESE CHARACTER MODELS

Ew I hate it I HATE IT

THEY HAVE T E E T H??? AND N O S E S??? This is CGI you didn’t HAVE TO DO THIS WTF

Is this motion capture? This is motion capture isnt it? Well I guess that explain the... yknow this whole situation

God the adult jokes wtf is this rated

Idk what this is rated but I am uncomfortable wow

OOP OKAY ANOTHER COOL SHOT WOW

Oh so they snuck out

Shit man Splinter is ugly but got skills

“Uh- I forgot to sanitize my retainer” Your WHAT? Okay I wheezed not gonna lie. But only because my brain like immediately went “your WHAT?” Like that one meme of the blonde lady yeah that and it made me laugh idk

The fucks a oh shit okay

Pft okay who’s gonna say fuck first? Someone’s gonna say fuck. My bets on Mikey.

It’s PG-13, right? So they can say fuck at most once. So who’s gonna say it? It’s a Bay movie cmon who’s gonna say fuck.

My life would not be rated PG-13

They were her PETS AS A CHILD??? I’m very close to nope-ing the fuck outta here

Project Renaissance? Fuck off this is too detail I just wanna see people get punched. That’s all Bay movies are good at anyways

WHY IS THERE SO MUCH MEGAN FOX SHE APPEARS MORE IN THIS MOVIE THEN THE GOD DAMN NAME SAKE DO

Dumbass

They KIDNAPPED MEGAN FOX

Cool boom box wall. Motherfuckers have a boom box wall. Like it’s a wall... entirely made out of boom boxes. It’s cool but W H Y who would have the time to MAKE THIS??? DID THEY STEAL ALL OF THIS??

UUUUUGH more flash backs this is bullshit STOP TRYING TO MAKE THE GOVERNMENT INVOLVED

lol drugs

RAT MAN

Oh my god this backstory

SPLINTER IS SO UNIMPORTANT IN THIS BULLSHIT LIKE HE’S NOT EVEN A TRAINED NINJA??? FUCK OFF. He’s so ugly tho holy shit

OOOOOH finally more fighting

Shredder looks wicked oh my god

WOW OH MY GOD I LOVE SHREDDER BUT THIS BACKSTORY

Bullshit

Oh they blew shit up nice

God the product placement

Oh my god this is bullshit

This bitch again fuck I don’t even know his name

Impatient bitch

Oh NOW WE’RE BRINGING IN THE MUTAGEN. TOOK A W H I L E

bitch

Oh you’re ugly I hope you die you old greedy man

Okay boomer

Classic “Villain gives away their whole scheme” LILE dude I spaced out what??

Fancy mansion oooooooh

HE NUST BROKE THROUGU THE VAN

S H R E D D E R OH FUCK

dumb bitches

Lol adrenaline drugs

Wow dumb bitches

THEYRE B U L L E T P R O O F???

Heeeeey got Asian girl is back

Again with the cinematography that’s too good to be in this train wreck dumpster fire of a movie wtf why is this

B A Z O O K A ????

OKAY NO MORE BAZOOKA WHY???

More cool shots wow

Ass shot of Megan Fox. Because.

THESE FUCKERS CAUSED AN A V A L AN CHE

You guys are so fucking stupid but I’ll be damned if this isn’t a cool scene wow

Okay that’s pretty cool he just flipped a car through the air fuck yeah you go my boy

Fuck did I really just say my boy about this shit no stop fucking hell iM NOT GETTING ATTACHED STOP

This bitch just stuck her whole body out a window in the middle of a chase scene WITH AN AVALANCHE WTF MEGAN

I’m not calling her April, this is not April. This is a husk, a shell devoid of personality other than being moderately attractive and plain. Her entire character is based around reacting to shit.

Oh god no wonder the people who like this are horny teen girls tHATS WHY THEY HIRED MEGAN FOX OH MY GOD BECAUSE ITS OH MY GOD I GET IT ITS LIKE WHAT THEY DO FOR THOSE ANIMES WITH THE GUYS BEING COMPLETELY BASIC SO THE VEIWER CAN PUT THEMSELVES ON THE CHARACTER OHHHHHH yeah that’s bullshit

Drop off??? Shit man

OH HE FUCKING DIED

OH HES NOT FUCKING DEAD OKAY

I don’t care about the other fuckers

Haahahshshshshwb big hands tiny keyboard

AgAIN WITH THE CINEMATOGRAPHY WTF ITS SO GOOD

y’all need a nap stfu

Oh fuck they’re gonna poison New York.

OH HE MURDERED THE F A T H E R

OH AGAIN WITH THE CINEMATOGRAPHY AJSJSJSJSSJSJ ITS SO GOOD

Wow

OKAY THE BO STAFF LIKE POPPED OUT OF THE SCREEN I WOW I JUST WOW OKAY THIS CINEMATOGRAPHY THIS IS SO GOOD but everything else is awful

Bullshit

S W O R D S? JUST SLICE THROUGH THE TOWER??? O K A Y???

Oh fuck y’all about to fall to your death. He’ll yeah. DiE MEGAN F O X

Oh that’s right we have emotions. Wow.

Bullshit.

B U L L. S H I T.

They should NOT HAVE SURVIVED THAT THAT WAS THOUSANDS OF FEET. YOU WOULDVE BEEN CRUSHED.

Cool van.

NSJSJSJSJAJ V I C T O R I A S E C R E T A D? WTF???

And that’s it. Wow. Awful outro. Imma go vomit now. It’s 4 AM OH MY GOD

[calm-me-down-oh]

How about all the questions ;)

skdsjf ofc u would get me back for that, under a readmore bc theres a lot!

When was the last time you masturbated? Yesterday! Had a.. very hot convo w my gf

Do you enjoy being fingered/fingering? Uhh the only time Ive had it done to me the person had to stop bc they got uncomfy with it and it was overall just a bit odd,, wait it happened a second time and their nails were too sharp also sdkfhsdh I feel like I could get to like it though? If its like, actually properly done rather than my current experiences sdhfk

How do you feel about food during sex? nno thanks mostly? I guess it can kinda depend on the food though idk, like if my gf suggested somethin I might not mind trying it out depending on what it was yknow

What do you do directly after sex? um.. well afaik just kinda lay/sit in a daze for a moment, mayb have some water, get real clingy, kind of have to be nudged into doing stuff bc i guess my brain just stops working skjdfkj

Cuddle with the tip in? Hell yeah. cuddle with it all in. sounds good.

What’s the nastiest sexual thing you’ve done? I don’t think I’ve really done anything nasty sdjkfsj all the sex ive had has been quite brief and vanilla idk

Name a follower you would fuck. @you-better-make-me!

Name a follower you have fucked. None..

What’s the sexiest part of your body? Idk man I guess my thighs are ok people seem to like them anyway

FuckMarryKill: DJ Khalid, Rick Ross, Fat Joe Am i supposed to know who these people are

Would you ever be with a trans person? i think the real question is would i ever be with a cis person (yes i would be with a trans person i am with 2 trans people and i am trans and i havent dated anyone cis since i was like 15)

Riding dick or doggy style? yes

Ever fucked in a school? Nope

Most random place you’ve had sex? havent really had sex in a random place lmao just beds

Would you ever be part of the mile high club? maybe..? thats having sex on a plane right. idk. maybe

Name three of your spots. what does this mean fkjd

Fuck on the first date? Depends

Do you suck dick? I’m sure gonna try!

Do you eat ass? Idk maybe not skdfjhsjk

Do you eat pussy? Haven’t yet, nearly did, got too nervous sdkjfh

Do you like kissing? So much!!

Is farting during sex sexy? I.. I mean its not sexy but like im also not gonna have a negative reaction. unless its me. that is something im admittedly very nervous about fkjd

Ever fucked in the shower? Nope

How old were you when you lost your virginity? Uh............ good question. 19 or 20 i forget if it was before my birthday but within the last year. unless you only count penetrative sex, then I haven’t yet

Do you prefer sex in the morning, afternoon, or night? Y..yes? I suppose afternoon/night is usually a better time, morning is jsut sleepy and trying to remember how to exist hours

Do you like drunk sex? Haven’t had it but I do get horny when I drink, wouldn’t be against trying it with someone I trust

Do you like high sex?  Again never had it! And I haven’t really been high either so Idk

FuckMarryKill: Nicki Minaj; Cardi B; Kash Doll N..none for any

When was your first kiss? I was like 13 I think

How did you meet the person you lost your virginity to? College

Have you ever faked an orgasm? Nope. Wait maybe. Kind of. Idk when I was younger I was with this guy who would try get me to touch myself n I hadn’t figured out how to make it feel good so I’d just lie and say I was when i wasnt bc i didnt wanna do it so maybe at some point i said i came when i hadnt sdfhks

Ever painted/been painted on? Yeah but not in like a horny way, my ex would paint on my hand as kinda their way of flirting with me

You like sex toys? Sure

What’s your favorite sex position? Personally think missionary is underrated bc that closeness and being able to cling just sounds v good but also getting fucked from behind face down ass up also sounds,, v good lately

Sex on a bed, couch, or floor? beddd, maybe couch, floor just seems uncomfortable

Do you like car sex? Never had it, just seems a bit awkward but I guess I’d be open to trying it

You get instantly horny; what happened? My neck got bit!

FuckMarryKill: Trey Songz, Chris Brown, August Alsina. Kill chris brown. idk who the others are

Describe your crush. Don’t have one!

Woukd you ever be with someone with an incurable STD? Uh... Idk? I mean, theres preventative measures for basically all std’s right? So as long as those are taken so i dont also get it I guess it’d be ok

Rate your head game. No clue dkfhdsj

Rate your sex. Awkward!

Would you fuck someone outside of your race? ?? yes. what kind of question is this

Describe the type of freak you are. idk what this means but what first came to mind was ‘pet’ so take that as u will

Ever tasted your own nut/cum? Sure

Into golden showers? Nope

Body count: Under or Over 25? Wayyy under

How do you feel about nipple play? Uh depends! Not into being harsh like clamps etc just seems like itd hurt n not in a good way, but playing w/ them w ur hands and sucking on them. very good

Where do you like to be nutted on? chest/stomach seems good

Which are you better at: topping or bottoming? bottoming

What do you consider “too small?” Idk man dick is dick idc

Is play fighting foreplay? It sure can be!

Do you like angry sex? In concept maybe, in reality itd just kinda scare me

How long should a quickie be? Idk.. quick

How long is “too long” to have sex? Idk sex ends whenever one of u wants to stop, don’t think u can go too long if ur both comfortable with it

How long is “too long” to go without sex? Listen i.. am not the person to be asking this I’ve had sex maybe 3 times spread out over almost a year. i have never regularly had sex

Is “no” relevant in a relationship? Incredibly relevant!! Always!! Unless you’ve discussed beforehand that its ok to ignore it and have a safeword in place instead!! and then that safeword is not to be ignored!!

Do you believe in no-strings-attached sex? Sure but idk if i could do it

Would you have sex in a public bathroom? mmmaybe....

Would you have sex in a changing room? mmmmmmmmaybe

Who was the last person you had sex with? My ex

Describe your type. Idk I have the weirdest type i think they have like nothing in common then theyll all turn around and be into the same stuff or something its v strange

Name 3 turn-ons. Biting, just making out sometimes tbh, skin contact in places usually covered by clothes or under clothes..

Name 3 turn-offs. Umm. i definitely have turn offs but whenever im asked my mind goes blank. I guess being overly rough, hair pulling im undecided on tbh, and oh i usually dont like having my ass smacked but idk if itd change if it were like.. in the middle of sex

Name something that would make you stop in the middle of sex. Bad pain or panicking or it seems like the other person is uncomfortable. or someones knocking on the door for some reason sdkfjs

Would you answer a phone call during sex? no omg

Would you ever pay for sex? Nah.

Would you accept money for sex? Uh. Maybe? Wouldnt ask for it tho

How do you typically feel after sex? Mostly affectionate and good, but w the last person i was with sometimes it seemed like they just wanted it over and done with so i would get kinda nervous and guilty over that,, idk

Do you like your body? Nah

Ever sent nudes? Yep

Have you ever cheated on someone? Yeah he was abusive

Have you ever been cheated on? Idk, maybe, wait i think the guy i cheated on tried saying he cheated on me too but idk if he was just trying to get back at me so

Would you have a threesome? If I trust the people sure

Would you have a foursome? Same as above

Would you take part in an orgy? Uhh idk maybe, same as above applies tho

Would you let’s train be ran on you? Again if I trust the people yeah sure

How often do you masturbate? Idk it really depends sometimes im really horny and its like daily maybe more than once a day and then sometimes i just dont for like. a while

Sex with the lights on or off? on.. how are u meant to see what ur doing otherwise sdjkhfs

Sex with music or tv in the background? Sure, idc really. Though i have a thing if its like.. kids stuff.........dont do that..........

Do you have a cousin you’d fuck if you weren’t related? wtf no

In your last relationships, rate the sex? Uhh... good? I mean, good at the time, though like i said sometimes felt a bit rushed, and that now makes sense and i have very mixed feelings on it but mostly guilt bc the person i was with has since said they werent really into it. so.

Do you sleep naked? Nah I at least have underwear on

How often do you go commando? Never

Are your nipples pierced? If not, would you get them pierced? Nope

Do you dive right into sex, or converse first? Uh, depends? Talking about it beforehand or even during can be good though. But i guess it doesnt have to be Right before it, it can be a bit in advance

After taking your clothes off, what’s the first move? Kiss.. touch,, etc,,

Do you make the first move? Um. w my ex i kinda had to bc as i said, i later found out they werent really into it. other than that i generally dont tho bc im very nervous abt all that, kinda especially after that discovery hdfbghf

Have you ever had sex with more than one person in a day? Nope

Do you like dryhumping ? Sure

Can you twerk or do a split on a dick? Probably not

Have you ever been recorded during sex? No but I’ve had a dream abt being recorded sucking someones dick it was weird

Do you watch porn during sex? W. who does that. how can u focus on that. why would u watch sex when ur having sex skdjfhsjdk

After fucking, do you try becoming friends with a one night stand? Never had a one night stand

What’s your kink? Praise! Marking! Collars!

Would you hook up with the same hook-up again? I don’t think i could have a hook up tbh so no

Ever made a relationship from a one night stand? nope

How romantic are you during sex? uh.. idk havent rly had chance to try being romantic during sex but soft sex sounds v good imo

Describe your sex in 5 words or less. in my experience so far? nervous and kinda awkward

[sikereviewdotcom]

magic school bus - flexes its muscles (s1e15) review

ok so i wasnt sure what id watch today i had to find something just to chill and review but honestly watching this show was a terrible idea i mean it 

it was the most boring watch ive had and not because its bad but if youre over 8 honestly it is

w/e i watched it and im gonna review the hell out of this as i always do lets begin with why the 15th episode of the first season? very simple: the title, a natural basic choice "flexes its muscles" we all can see in our mind a flashback on a certain song concerning muscles and trucks as the title flashes on the screen oh yea mama i feel very at ease rn like timmy sitting in front of his tv a good old tuesday morning before school with that lil bowl of cereal except timmy is mute and makes up all they say on the shows so everything is his own he stole the rights from the voice actors and the plot along its cartoons (c) timmy now boys

so wats it about? ralphie being a loser as always, actually ive never watched any other episode but the tone he talks in gives him the loser etiquette after all he does throw a tantrum when his robot didnt work for the second time theyre all stupid, all of these characters are stupid and i have no idea how old they are anyhow yea ralph wanna have a robot to do his chores because everyone else is having fun while he has to do them because hes often late or w/e something like that now from now on we either side with the bitch girl

or the fat boy

thats probably how she qualifies him but yea you have to make a choice because there will be some serious competition: theyre betting because after ralphie runs to everyone shouting about making a robot she goes all "haha you cant do it, stupid" and quite a few other especially that one lil blue sweatered guy jesus hes bad yea like even the old guy from after that will be all "nah" at his bully-joke except he aint a bully, none of them are now why is she a bitch? because she said if he loses the bet he cannot play any sport game anymore and only do the chores wtf how does she even have that kind of authority? how old are they? no shes just a classmate, ralph dont be a pushover now well he isnt because he goes all "haha fuck you itll work im THE GREAT FUCKING RALPHIE AND MY 40 THIEVES-BOT" > “full of himself” is the exact word to describe him 

so after that teachah goes all "hey sup lol ive totally not heard you but lets all go inside the bus we have a full day!! wow!! im totally not gonna drive yall to a shop in which you can build a robot as i distract the grandpa ive been flirting with for years but let hanging on for decades waiting for his soon-to-be death when obvs hes all over me and im all over him but its a kid show and im not sure the public is ready for our intense wacky elderly passionate tension, nope nothing pegi 16 not even close its pg 13 actually but you wouldnt be allowed to watch the show then because if youre over 13 youre probably not gonna watch anymore of this, babies cant handle our hot old romcom nah" so yea theyre in a workbodyshop smthg next

this episode really revolves around the body and its structure, in the most basic way you have no idea how basic it went its the basics of basicness like the bases of every bases i havent learned anything and even if i were 8 i still wouldnt not have learned anything its probably a 6 yo focused show idk guys i was really questionned either id give it a final shot but yea, still it sucked, but i understand for a 6yo they may pick up the fact that they have bones and muscles and wow thats how you move now ill say the cybernetic aspect of how they build a robot is pretty weak, no explanations as to how the robot suddenly moves because ok you got the joints, structure and everything all figured out but.. what about everything else? what does this robot run on? stupidness? is it? because it goes apeshit

totally unexcepted this is a very basic formula: kids want robot to do chores, kids make it (somehow), robot turns against kids the end: you cant make robots without them turning evil also its the 90s wtf are you on? robots? wow? no brah thats future bs were not doing that anyway meanwhile the teacher was lying and saying the school bus is broken btw just straight up made her grandpacrush work for nothing for a buncha hours but eh look at her

i wouldnt trust her with my child, this face was an artistic choice so it says it all ok? so wassup next? robot be beaten by ralphie ass (who won the bet btw if youre on team bitch im not entirely sorry for you but because picking a team was a bad choice i was team nerd with glasses all along, yknow the ginger one?)

he seemed smarter than the others but also ended up disappointing me, everyone did and yet my exceptations werent high, my standards are pretty high but damn i tried to make an effort for this one, not specially surprising, is it? i guess i really did grow up since i was 6, huh

the end is this btw:

everyone was thinking the same as i did:

"stop flexing, we have no right to flex this episode was so blank the robot got more character development than anyone else"  

yep that happened

in conclusion? final rating? this is worth a big 3/10, not suitable for older than 7 y/o thats pretty much the limit really this close to not being entertaining if youre 7yo but chances are they exist, honestly it could be for older peeps but what do i know? i am making a global thing here, just painting the magic board so we can all (majority its a democracy) agree on something the animation is  kinda fine slash good for a show in the 90s? ig? and you CAN pick a things up if youre very young or have never been to primary school which is both very unlikely yet also sad if so

in the end: i do not recommand it there is nothing to be seen move along

obama tg, out

[sasspotatodoesthings]

Killing Book

Aka, the Death Note movie released this year. Now, I like Death Note (the anime of course). I watched it when I was like 12 or something and it introduced to the world of gory anime. So as you can expect, I was upset at seeing this movie, seeing the wrong things in the trailer and knowing it would be even more wrong in the movie. I was interested though, as one would be interested in watching a kid harmlessly fall so you can snicker at them. I avoided the movie even if I wanted to see the train wreck it was. But tonight, at somewhere around nine pm I decided NO MORE! I shall watch the movie and tell my friend how bad it was. We’ll be calling her Friend. I skype messaged her (i know who uses skype anymore? i do. because im lazy and dont want to change to discord) while watching it. Sadly she left early because she sleeps waaaaay earlier than I do. So at some point I’m just talking to myself. Just to let you know. Enjoy my ramblings.

WARNING: Obviously lots of death is mentioned. Also, if you liked the anime of Death Note, do NOT watched this movie. It’s horrible.

So this was taken directly from skype, with VERY little editing (just small things like personal stuff etc.) and it is rude, crude and not pleasant to look at. I tend to message a lot, in segments and that is was what made this so long. You have been warned.

Me: so I'm finally watching the death note movie Me: and I might rant at you a bit Me: first, its set in Washington in seattle Me: and lights fuckin blond frosted highlights Me: why

Friend: so Friend: 10/10

Me: its the best start a movie could ever have Me: so light is bullied and does homework for other classmates Me: who is this man? this isn't the light I know

Friend: maybe Friend: maybe Friend: just maybe Friend: someone kidnapped him

Me: god and now he likes this fark haired girl Me: dark Me: light loves no one Me: his heart is too icy to love Me: if only he was kidnapped Me: then at least he would break out and kill the person impersonating him

Friend: does he have the death note?

Me: yeah Me: its so different Me: its not the same at all Me: its like they just took the concept and fucked it Me: so the death note looks used even tho I pretty sure it was blank in the anime

Friend: it's for the money

Me: shit dude ryuk is in the house

Friend: is ryuk still cool thougj

Me: and light just fell over and is now running away Me: idk we'll see

Friend: does he still freak out over apples

Me: maybe Me: didn't ryuk show himself in lights room? Me: cause right now he's in school at detention Me: oh ryuk ate the apple

Friend: they met in his room

Me: welp here they met at detention

Friend: also it's to soon for light to know ryuk's obsession with apples

Me: its waaay too soon Me: I'm 10 minutes in Me: light didn't know ryuk for awhile Me: not almost immediately after getting the death note Me: also ryuk is persuading light into using it Me: anime light did not hesitate to kill a motherfuker Me: didn't need a demon to tell him what to do

Friend: wait Friend: what about the chip scene

Me: oh Me: what] Me: the Me: FUCK Me: they've ruined it

Friend: THE CHIP SCENE!?

Me: wasn't it a rule that if you put someone name without a death, theyd die of a heart attack like an hour later Me: well Me: fuck that rule Me: doesn't exist Me: they die by random bullshit means

Friend: WHAT?!?!!?

Me: also Me: no chip scene Me: yet Me: I'm waiting Me: anime light waited until he got home to kill a guy Me: but movie light was still at school and watched him die Me: heres what happened that absolutely gets rid of the heart attack rule Me: so a couple of kids had a basketball and dropped it when a woman's bags of groceries ripped Me: the kid chased after the ball into the street, where a car swerved to miss him Me: another car coming the opposite way swerved to miss the car and hit a parked car Me: a ladder on top of the crashed car got loose and decapitated the guy whose name was written Me: instantly after his name was written Me: wtf happened man

Friend: -.-

Me: also Me: apparently there are rules to the book Me: lemme get to the scene where he looked at them Me: but I know one of them was the holder of the death note can only hold it for 7 days Me: wtf?? Me: in the anime anyone could have for eternity if they wanted Friend: for as long as they lived or until they gave it up Me: atleast his dad is still a cop Me: but his mom is dead??

Friend: dfhnasjkfahdjkasdhf Friend: what

Me: by getting hit by a car by the guy he killed earlier Me: wtffffff Me: okay Me: okay Me: tell me what you get from this, its rule 65 of the book Me: "each page of the note contains the power of the whole note" Me: wtf does that mean?? Me: ooh Me: oooooooh Me: wait Me: is that the thing where you could tear a page out and it would still work? Me: wtf you gotta word it like that man

Friend: it's as bad as tests

Me: okay I got a previous rule wrong Me: it was rule 95 Me: anyone can write names in the note but only the keeper can have it longer than 7 days

Friend: -.- that's still stupid

Me: it is yeah Me: I'm pretty sure a death note was supposed to have one owner Me: I mean once you touched the paper, you were stuck with the powers until you died or gave it up Me: also Me: previous apparently wrote warning ramblings in the book for light to see Me: "don't trust ryuk"

Friend: -.- Friend: no

Me: he also said ryuk weird Me: I say ree-yook Me: he said rye-uhk

Friend: i'm sad Friend: i'm pissed

Me: and that's barely 20 mins in

Friend: need bleach?

Me: still another hour and a half left Me: god Me: 90 more mintes Me: ryuk is creepin in lights closet Me: light is offering an apple Me: ryuk is happy Me: ooh thank god Me: ryuk told light how to pronounce his name Me: I don't think I could live with light always saying his name wrong Me: ryuk looks gross Me: haven't seen him clearly yet tho Me: always in shadows

Friend: ryuk is cool

Me: movie ryuk is pretty chill Me: light has killed again Me: this time the gfather of the guy he killed ealier

Friend: is

Me: oky

Friend: is light killing innocent people

Me: heres how he died because I'm pretty sure light didn't right a death Me: not yet Me: so a couple knocked a salt shaker of a table at a restuarant Me: a waiter trips on it and bumps into the dude who will die Me: the father get knocked forward and stabs himself in the neck with a knife that he had been holding upwarrd Me: he sprays blood all over his guests and dies

Friend: why are the deaths so convoluted

Me: ryuk cackles in the background Me: I have no idea Me: wow steak sounds good right now Me: even tho I guy just died because of some Me: a Me: oops heres dark haired pretty girll in the bakground Me: she talked to light Me: wtf Me: who is this chick Me: she elooks like the next bella swan Me: turner Me: light turner Me: and her name is mia Me: what was the name of the blond girl who loved light?

Friend: yeah

Me: mia was her name? really? Me: she has no idea what a death note is Me: and light is showing it to her

Friend: fucking moron

Me: anime light would never do that Me: mia is laughing at hime Me: shit her name in the anime was misa Me: not mia Me: noe light is killing in front of mia Me: but at least hes using the news like anime light did Me: this movie is horrible

Friend: I wonder how they will ruin L Friend: i might cry at that part

Me: and I will tel you every wrong thing they do Me: so light and mia teamed up

Friend: i know you will

Me: even tho mia doesn't have a death note like anime misa did Me: and light want to kiss her Me: help Me: help Me: oh n Me: they Me: making out Me: I don't want to put skype down Me: hep Me: me

Friend: GET Friend: THE Friend: BLEACH!!!!!!!!!

Me: theyre done Me: no[e Me: not done Me: shit Me: okay Me: wait Me: stop' Me: they keep kissing Me: and its inbwteen scenes Me: so it surpried Me: me

Friend: life has no meaning

Me: okay hang on Me: how did light start getting called kira in the anime Me: didn't the public start calling that?

Friend: yea

Me: well light chose it in the movie Me: hes like Me: I want to be kalled kira Me: and now somehow the whole world knows Me: agh Me: nudity

Friend: >=c

Me: brief, dead women nudity Me: L is helping kira? Me: L informed kira of a club full of baddies

Friend: are you sure that's L

Me: yep Me: subtitles label him as L Me: here lemme send a screen shot Me: there it is Me: proven by the subtitles Me: L is originally from England right? Me: I cant tell if movie L is sitting like anime L

Friend: L is an orphan from England yes

Me: no accent Me: move L is american

Friend: i'm sorry japan

Me: gotta apologise to the mangaka who wrote death note

Friend: who

Me: idk their name

Friend: who the hell made the decision to make them..

Me: I have no idea Me: eath note was done and over years before they made this movie Me: why did they make it now?

Friend: money

Me: fuck the money Me: at least follow the god damn plot

Friend: yeah

Me: they used the right logo for L Me: that's nice Me: to see somethingsimilar Me: ugh Me: L is such a pig in the movie Me: hes got candy everywhere and is eating it messily Me: anime L was careful and deliberate

Friend: yeah

Me: ugh Me: they say "fuck" is this movie too much

Friend: i'm going to bed. you can keep ranting and i will respond tomorrow

After this point, it’s just me ranting so there will be no more Me: going on. Just a series of messages one after the other.

kay okay wait this was funny the movie did a funny so lights dad is meeting L in L's big fancy hideout and lights dad has his hand held out and and ice cream is just silently put in his hand with no information about it no one says a word about it he just holds the ice cream now L is speaking to a million reporters in broad daylight outside and movie L doesn't sit exactly the same as anime L hes in the same pose as anime L but movie L sits on his butt instead of sitting/squatting on his feet in the chair if that makes any sense L is calling out kira on the news ryuk likes L so apparently to kill using the book, you need a name AND a face but I'm pretty sure in the anime you only needed a name and now L isn't even sitting right hes lounging LOUNGING also mia cant see ryuk even tho shes touched the note book all the rules have been tossed out the window mia stole the book and is killing all the investigating agents oh siiit mia didn't do it ryuk did ryuk killed 13 people and now hes telling light to let the note go anime ryuk didn't do this he wanted light to have the note mia wants to kill lights dad so light and L have met in public and they fightin and light is being sooo suspicious they've got the weather in this movie right tho its constantly rainging shit mia told light she loved him and they making out now so if you write a name and burn the page before the person dies, theyre spared. but you can only do this once so many dumb rules  what I don't understand is why they changed misa's name to mia but didn't changed light's misa is a way more normal name than light why change it?? okay now movie L is sitting like in the anime lights dad is beating L down L is threatening light and light is acting as innocent as possible ryuk is meddling in lights plans lemme tell you those plans light write the name of L' assistant, having him find L's name and then tell light but ryuk is there to screw things up oh shit ryuk took the page with L's assisatants name on it so mia betrayed light light wanted to save watari watari is L's assitant but mia and ryuk messed that up ooooh shiiiiit mia did kill all those agents she killed 13 people not ryuk oooh L is angry that watari is dead and mia is trying to kill light hope he kills her instead L is gonna hunt light down L is driving angrily through the streets just rmapgaing dude rampaging now L is chasing light on foot 20 mins left no chip scene (note: really sad there wasn’t any chip scene) L is confrtoning light but light is saved by one of his many admirerers mia is trying to take the book and theyre fighting at the top of a ferris wheel light put mias name in the book she dead the ferris wheel deatached so now its slowly falling ryuk is manipulating the ferris wheel mia is hanging out of the pod thing light dropped her light fell mia died in an explosion of flowers light landed in water the book did too now L' there the page containg lights name is burning and L saw the page buring some old guy just picked up the washed up death note this new guy is carrying on kira's duty while light is in a coma now he's returning the book back to light oh light woke up L knows that mia was involvev involved lights dad knows he knows now light is gonna tell his dad how it works okay wait some exposition is going down and you need to know what is up so mia wrote that light's heart would stop at midnight so to fix that light chose a rapist who had connections to a hospital to save light when he fell in the water, give him cpr and keep light in a medically induced coma hospital guy commits suicide then light writes a pedophile mailman gets the note book on the shore, writes criminals names to keep up the act while light is in a coma, gives the death note back and commits suicide then he writes when mia takes the note book from light, she falls, tears the page with lights name on it that then the page is burned, light lands safely in water and mia dies instantly when she hits the ground L found the page with watari's name and all the agent's names L angry at light hes laughing crazily L looked like he was gonna write light's name but then the credits are going ooh that was interesting they showed behind the scenes stuff while playing the credits but it was done in a way I hadn't seen before they were like flashing it on screen inbetween credits, only a few seconds at a time got to see how they did ryuk which was cool god damnit they never showed if L wrote light's name or not I'm guessing not I waited through 5 mins of creits for thi why so light didn't kill any innocent people huh but mia sure did so my rating is 0/10 this wasn't death note this was like like some knock off version called'killing book' hope your happy that L is alive tho didn't have to kill himself like anime L did unless that was what the end implied hang on imma see if movie L killed himself too well Wikipedia doesn't say anything but we all know how reliable Wikipedia is that was a real joy ride hope you enjoyed my ramblings even thought half of them prob don't make sense

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 12x21 “There’s Something About Mary”

in which i lose my shit for a full hour, reach peak despair, trigger temporary depression, and then proceed to watch in lowkey sarcasm mode with emotions switched off!!!! what fun

08:46pm

...........buckleming episode

instead of watching this, did i put it off for three hours? did i pet our new dog at length (a rescue staffordshire bull terrier cross, who we have named seven!!! after seven of nine from star trek: voyager. yes, like the number 7.), watch half an episode of columbo with my family, have a shower, and then watch 35 minutes of dan and phil playing that horse prince game ?

quite possibly

(read: yes)

sidenote: i just googled “staffordshire bull terrier” and found a picture. seven looks almost exactly like this, including the lil white socks ~ SHE’S SO SWEET and she passed her Good Dog Test so she gets to stay with us now!~ (my sister found her abandoned on our road, vet said she’d been kept with pigs, her leg was broken and didn’t heal right. and she’s an adult but hadn’t been registered to anyone. FINDERS KEEPERS)

new doggo > a brad buckner + eugenie ross-leming episode EVERY TIME

post-episode addition: oh look how much life i had in me before this

-

08:58pm

why does wikipedia say the next two episodes are both airing on may 18th

i guess it’s a double-bill finale

-

08:59

URGH okay fiiiiine i’mma watch this now

the preview made the script seem okay but i’m guessing that the better writer wrote that bit

-

also! @cassammydean and i were talking about the last episode, and we realised that i’d misinterpreted that final scene.

it looked (to me) like, while mary was tied up, her phone rang, and ketch went over to it. then the camera panned up and ketch had turned into toni. and i legit thought ketch and toni were the SAME PERSON (shapeshifter maybe) and i got to expressing how cool that was, and how that brought back the ~gay subtext~ from 11x23 with the rainbow light on toni’s face, because if ketch=toni, and ketch bangs mary, then that’s kinda non-heterosexual since gender isn’t a defined thing for ketch=toni

EXCEPT

i realised i’d seen it all wrong. ketch starts to move over to mary’s phone, but then camera pans up, and toni comes in from the oTHER SIDE and answers it. she’s wearing the same grey suit as ketch was. I WAS TRICKED BY THE COSTUME CHOICES. they were both in the room, ketch in front of mary, toni behind her, wearing the same suit.

and i’m still kinda bummed because if ketch=toni that would’ve been really cool imo

-

09:09

oh no eileen is in this episode

I DON’T WANT HER TO DIE

WHO LET THE DEADLY DUO WRITE THIS

PLEASE DON’T DIE HORRIBLY EILEEN I LOVE YOU YOU’RE SO IMPORTANT

SHE AND SAM NEED TO BE TOGETHER

IF SHE DIES IN THIS EPISODE I WILL TEAR THROUGH MY LAPTOP SCREEN, SWIM ACROSS THE OCEAN INSIDE A CABLE, POP UP THROUGH THE DEADLY DUO’S COMPUTER SCREENS AND PULL OUT ALL THEIR HAIRS ONE BY ONE

INCLUDING THEIR EYELASHES

post-episode edit: is there a wikihow article for this i’d like to give it a go

-

09:13

NO NO NO NO NO

PLEASE GOD NO

-

please let her still be alive dear god no

-

i’m fucking shaking i can’t watch this

;A;

-

09:15

NO BAD PUPPY

MY DOG IS BETTER THAN YOUR DOG, KETCH

fuck you, up the nose with a cactus

-

09:16

are you ever just nauseous because the deadly duo not only exist in this world, but write for a show that deserves so much better

-

09:18

IT FUCKING HURTS MY FEELINGS THAT DEAN CHECKS BEHIND THE SHOWER CURTAIN FOR A BLOODY CORPSE OF THE PEOPLE HE LOVES

FROM ANY OTHER WRITER I’D BE LIKE “OH HE’S SCARRED BY HIS MEMORIES THIS IS AN INTERESTING AND HEARTBREAKING CHARACTER THING”

BUT FROM THESE TWO I’M LIKE “OH THANKS FOR RUBBING IT IN OUR FACES YOU MISOGYNISTIC ASSPRICKS”

-

///BREATHES INTENSELY

-

09:21

look

have i ever made it clear that these writers make me very angry

BECAUSE THEY MAKE ME SO FUCKING ANGRY

-

09:23

sam gets worried when he hears from jody

my heart just dropped

fuck

if any other favourite charatcters are dead

i swear to god i’m 

i don’t even know i’m 

please

no

i think i need to ragequit before this fucks me up because i can feel it coming

-

09:25

eileen

-

welp that’s it i’mma cry

if there is a fucking petition to get these writers fired and/or assassinated i want to know about it

-

...i’m not crying

i’m 

a n g r y

//sits and stares at my screen

i hate them.

 i hate them.

why

what the fuck do they think they’re doing

ugh i’m exhausted already

i’m so tired of these writers, and specifically these ones. the rest of the season is fine. it’s the fact these fuckheads have 5 episodes a season and they clearly take extreme pleasure in sucking the joy out of a show that fuels a community of people. they kill the characters we love IN THE MOST DISTRESSING WAY POSSIBLE with no sensitivity whatsoever

it fucking disgusts me, okay

they’re not just bad writers, they’re clearly horrible people

there’s no kindness or redemption on their stories, they’re literally just trying to torture us (NOT A COMPLIMENT), and i’m sure they feel gleeful when they see people crying (if they even look up fan responses, which i doubt, given the years of complaints and constructive criticism they’ve clearly ignored)

listen, i’m no stranger to feeling good when my work affects someone, all right. neither am i a stranger to killing beloved characters for emotional effect, but sweet jesus theRE’S ALWAYS A BETTER WAY TO DO IT THAN A COLD OPEN WHERE A BELOVED CHARACTER WHO REPRESENTS SO MUCH TO SO MANY PEOPLE HAS NO LINES AND IMMEDIATELY GETS TORN TO FUCKING SHREDS

the list of things they’ve ruined on this show is so long i need that gif of crowley unrolling his scroll across the floor

idk what to do now. do i want to watch this? no. fuck no.

am i gonna watch anyway just to get it out of the way so i can never watch this shit again? yeah fine why the fuck not my evening is already ruined

(ha, and my mother always asks why i don’t rewatch the show with the family. because of these writers.)

-

09:43

this has taken me an hour and i’m 4 minutes in

what a waste of my life

-

09:44

i dont have words

how dare they do this to sam

-

09:45

i feel sick

i’m so tired

..........i kinda wanna die

man i really wish i had a friend here who i could hug and talk shit about these writers with

-

09:47

sam: “i wannA PUNCH SOMETHING IN THE FACE”

you and me both dude

can we write “buckleming” on a dartboart and blow a round of bullets through it

-

09:53

jesus christ this is a clusterfuck of triggers

i wanna go home

-

09:54pm

well i’m 9 minutes in, this is so hard to watch and i’m goddamn tired

i wanna stop honestly

the only good thing i can say about this is that the director (p. j. pesce) is good, the shots are visually interesting, and the pacing of the editing is not something i’ve noticed on this show before

i dunno whether just to take a break or what

i don’t want to come back and have to watch this next week

i wish this didn’t exist

-

the problem is i’m invested in the overall story. over the years i keep compelling myself to quit this show because of these writers, but ultimately i keep coming back because i love the characters so much

i can’t just stop

but every time i pause this video file, my brain blanks out and the world is peaceful again

i wonder if it’s possible for just this episode to trigger depression? because i’m so empty right now

-

10:00pm

yup i’mma take a break and come back to this in a bit

-

10:04

just thinking, while looking over the list of spn episodes and their writers

if i wasn’t part of the spn fandom, and didn’t check which writer wrote what, i’d dislike this show just because of these writers, and i wouldn’t even realise it was the same writers over and over.

the kind of shit they write is exactly what puts me off a show. shows like ‘castle’ or ‘the x files’ or ‘psych’ are good overall, but occasionally they’ll have a problematic thing that i can ignore for one episode, recognising that it’s a one-off writer, and i’ll stick with the show. but spn has those kind of issues four or five times a season, when these two are writing - and not in a small way, either. if i was a casual watcher, i’d have ragequit already, thinking it was just how the show is.

and i’d probably vote this show 3/10 and never watch it again

just because of these two writers

-

10:19pm

i’m back

i shall eat some things with sugar in them

and tell myself It’s Okay!! They’re Just Fictional Characters!!

YEAH!!!

..........NOPE

they’re fictional charatcters and they mean a lot to me and other people and the writers are basically killing our friends so

YEAH LET’S DO THIS 

c: C: C:

/sarcastic smile

me: haha fuck you

-

10:24

do we praise them for canonising john’s abuse

-

10:25

“repealed and replaced”

well that’s another way to set my blood boiling

-

10:27

current emotion: middle finger up

-

10:29

oh look a black guy

let’s see... bad guy, dead guy or doormat?

my money’s on all three

-

10:33

that line would’ve been cooler if crowley said “dagon dead and gone”

-

10:34

“the winchesters’ love slave, castiel”

*steeples fingers and peers over the rims of my glasses*

hm

-

10:38

i see dean and i just wanna go up to him and rest my forehead on his chest

and just be for a while

we’ve all been through too much

-

10:39

don’t worry sam i’mma write a fic someday where you and eileen live happily ever after

-

10:41

the sam x telescope porn vid is alive and well

-

10:43

black demon: bad guy + doormat

somehow not dead yet!!!

-

10:44

how and why do crowley and lucifer have dna

also.... is hell a physical place ?

-

10:49

YEAH MARY !!! SHOOT HIM !!!

-

...or...not

-

10:52

oh look another black guy with a gun

bad guy, dead guy, or doormat?

...bad guy, managed to escape death

!!!! oh boy how exciting !!!

-

10:53

dean to toni, who just kneed him in the nuts: “you keep that up, we’re gonna have to start dating”

uhhhhhhhh

masochist!dean or unnecessary heterosexual reminder ?

let’s go with the former

(he reacts the same way to dudes. like that time a dude vampire said “on your knees” and dean’s flirt-o-meter went to 11)

-

10:58

for real, this crowley + lucifer monologue in the dungeon storyline is the single most uninteresting storyline this season

-

11:03

jody and claire aren;t dead

nope

NOPE.

*raises seventeen more middle fingers*

-

11:08

look if everyone’s dead i just hope the world ends in the season finale and the next season is set in heaven where all the characters are happy to team up and fight demons and angels and monsters in purgatory

-

11:11

crowley’s actually gonna die this time isn’t he

-

11:13

everything is so anticlimactic

-

11:17

THE LIL BOUNCY RAT WHO IS OBVIOUSLY CROWLEY IN SECRET

my favourite thing so far

and chances are that wasn’t buckleming’s idea since that plotline extends past this one episode. same for the black demon who isn’t dead yet

-

11:19pm

it’s over

i’m sure you all noticed how absurd those plot devices were. magical reversible-polarity puppet lucifer. mind control mary. dean and sam who don’t actually do anything except drive around looking sad and walking into traps. magical oxygen-sucking bunker which apparently they can’t shut off from the inside??? like if the bunker’s gonna have an air-sucking feature why the fuck does it take 3 days? i assume it would exist as an emergency suicide thing but SURELY THAT WOULD WORK QUICKER

ONE BIG OLD THUMBS DOWN MEH FUCK THIS

okay bye i don’t care 1/10

i hope y’all have a better day than me. i’m gonna eat something, drink some tea, eat some chocolate, and watch jenna marbles do something weird with fake eyelashes or safiya nygaard wearing clear jeans in public

-

12:02am

(also, just in case-- you don’t need to worry about me. honestly i’m better now it’s over, this was just hell to get through. there is a smile on my face and i’m looking forward to not doing anything taxing for the rest of the night.)

eta: why is there a rat in hell? is it a demon rat? a bad rat who sold his soul?