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lavendersage · 4 years

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i saw that post from the girl who's girlfriend isn't quite ready to be out. if ur blog didnt seem to celebrate love of all kinds (and i'm not talking straight vs gay, i'm talking happy vs sad) i would have kept this to myself, but between ur response and the op's story itself, i think im going to take this chance of sharing a burden on my heart, maybe to help someone else, or just for the shot at becoming at peace with it. a couple weeks ago, when u asked for everyone to send u stories of their lovers, i wrote most of this out but didnt send it.

i (21F) am a college student (god, is this reddit?). my entire life, i have cultivated the cleanest good girl image that i could. my parents sacrificed so much for my sister and i to grow up far more comfortable then they did, so i have tried to honor them with a little golden child they could brag about. straight As, never missed school, did community service, perfect SATs. i worked tirelessly to be on-paper perfect.

one of the reasons i've worked so hard to earn Good Noodle Stars is to make up for the fact that i am terminally homosexual. i realized real early that i could literally cure cancer and the first comment on the news video will be, "okay, she cured cancer, but at least I'm not gay like she is." i could raise thousands for charity, and my aunts would still say, "our kids may not get off the couch but at least they have sex correctly." so they dont know. few people do, none outside my closest circle.

in walks Mars(21NB). Mars is an anachronism. they are both a romantic with and without a capital R. be still my Dark Academia heart.

we got very close before school broke for Covid. Mars wrote me a letter every other week, encrypted and folded so that the only way to open them was to rip a paper seam that would show if someone had tampered with it. it was intoxicating. it was the first time i felt able to communicate freely about anything. i dont know - i didnt hold back my emotions, emboldened by writing in cipher. i spent all summer waiting for those red sealed envelopes, filled with stories and poetry and honeyed nonsense, and i refused to not respond with mirrored passion.

it was all great until it set in that I was going to have to face Mars again, in person. i prayed our school would decide all students had to stay remote. of course I wanted to see Mars, i want to do much more than just see them, but i knew it would only be a matter of time between us being reunited and them asking me out.

this was a person who crafted a puzzle where the answers were flowers that were a declaration of fidelity in Victorian Flower Language. of course i ate that up with a spoon. u would have too. listen, i know all aesthetics are fads and all fads age badly, but if the cottagecore girls get to learn to sew and bake and grow, i owe dark academia for teaching me the vocabulary and actions of my most treasured relationship yet, and giving me permission to be earnest and vulnerable in this life for 10 goddamn minutes. Mars is handsome and a genius and i was not used to feeling connected to anyone. but for all that joy, i was also drowning with the thought of having to break their heart by explaining i cant date anyone AFAB.

so the semester starts. Mars asks me over for a homecooked meal since restaurants don't exist here at the end of the world. they made me a beautiful dinner with all my dietary needs in mind. just like everything else i ate it up. and i made no effort to stop them from inviting me over for food and conversation again and again and a fourth time just to make sure it really hurt.

they kissed me after the last dinner. and I kissed them back, before stopping. they apologized for moving too quickly, but i explained that they had moved at the perfect pace, just with the wrong person.

there is no nice ending to this. it's real life. Mars took it as a breakup and didnt reach out to me again. i sobbed from halloween to christmas, i swear. i'm the villain in this story.

i started this post off as a sign of solidarity to the other young lady, but now im realizing that this letter would be better read by her fearful beloved, not her. it is 4am where i live, so i apologize if this has all gotten away from me.

love is a garden u have to water yourself. ngl, my favorite part about this blog is all the posts about learning to love yourself, learning to see ur intrinsic value dispite the core facets of u that have been deemed flaws, and trust the relationship between me, myself, and i.

i started out telling myself i was writing this to help the high school kid, but i havent shared this with anyone. writing this out has helped me process a thing or two, or at least start to. i like this idea of lavendersage being a kindly cryptid who will alchemise ur heartache into calm.

i hope you dont mind if i try to make this a thing.

my story is in the shape of a love letter. its tearstained before it even hits the water. i drop it in your river and watch it float away.

y’all are breaking my heart with these stories this week 🤧i feel so sad to read them and so helpless to respond, because i know how deep that pain must run and i don’t know if there’s truly anything i could say or do to take it away. but if i can lessen it from 100 to 99, well, then i’ll have fulfilled my goal of existing on this website. at the very least, i’m glad that writing this message helped you process some things on your own, but i’m happy to share my thoughts anyway.

your mars sounds like a top tier human being. victorian flower language? i’m swooning. it’s no surprise to me that you fell for them, and they were clearly head over heels for you. folks don’t make grand gestures like that for just anyone, that’s for sure 🥺

and i’m very sad to hear about the way things ended. but, anon, i can’t help but wonder if it is indeed over, or if hope exists on the precipice of a great act of bravery performed by you--something i know from experience is much easier said than done, and something i’ve failed to do in the past, so i’m not trying to be a hypocrite here. the ball is definitely in your court, though.

also...it doesn’t sit well with me to hear you call yourself a villain. i understand why you see it that way, as it’s clear that you deeply care for this person. but for many folks...the fear of what our family will say or think or do weighs so heavily on us that it robs us of any possibility of happiness with someone who isn’t the kind of person our family wants us to end up with. i’m sure plenty of folks, myself included, can empathize with this. and i’m sure on some level, mars does too.

my love, as with all things, i hope whatever happens next works out for the best, and that you don’t let this experience darken your heart. if things change between you and mars, please feel free to drop me a note. i’ll always be here to listen 💚💚💚`

#asks #Anonymous

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magicalusuki · 5 years

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progen dragon sharing, inspired by a post by @goannafr that ive had in my drafts since may 12th of this year! wow i am good at being late

varsha- custom progen

so the colors i chose for varsha.... well, i didnt choose them. which is fully. i was in school in the middle of a movie in health class, and id snuck onto my phone and made an fr account because the registration window was about to close and i was going to be busy the rest of the time it was open, or maybe i was just too impatient.

i didnt realize you could even change the colors of the dragon- i just chose the breed and my flight (wind), and actually moved to ice almost immediately after because wind was such an impulse decision.

i actually hated her colors once i realized that i could have picked them myself, because i would have probably made a seafoam/rose dragon. but now i love her. it might have been cool if she at least had a different blue for the wings, so if i could remake her (and assume she got the same tert) i would give her storm wings. it brings out that gray tert in a really cool way and just makes her a biiit more interesting. i mean, look at that! it look great with her apparel, too.

i chose to make her a fae, because i though that they were cute. i didnt like any of the other starter breeds when i joined because i was a coward. i wanted the cutesiest dragons ever, which is funny considering now varsha is super badass

i had like... the vaguest clue of what fr was, because i was in the neopets community and a ton of the blogs i followed were into it, but i didnt really understand it in depth. fun fact! my original username was twinkling.

exaltation

so when i first joined fr, from what i remember we had... very few tert options. i believe we had basic, crackle, underbelly and circuit? and with varsha’s tert being grey, and yukienne’s being denim... basically nothing looked even slightly decent.

on top of this, i really wasnt in the forums or community much at all- so i wasnt aware that maybe exalting your progens wasnt a great plan, and how special they can be. and i certainly wasnt thinking about future genes. i mean, its been 5 years and STILL the best tert for varsha is stained and i dont particularly love any i have for yukienne! ive grown to like stained on varsha, but for real. even irishim couldnt save that grey tert, and i used to be OBSESSED with irishim

.im not against geneing yukienne fully and i have a few options planned, but denim is not.... its not an easy color to work with, which sucks because sky and violet work together so well, and then you have this random greenish-grayish blue. why. which is why he is not gened at all because oh my god. please fr give me something that makes denim purpley ill die for you

this is his current most likely scry but im still... not sold... at least sky is one of my favorite colors on site! hes still a pretty lucky random progen all things considered, i know some people were truly cursed. they also have a pretty okay range, so thats nice! i brought these guys back as quick as possible and was so excited i got the option so do so.

lore and clan roles

in the end, exaltation gave my progens a lot of character- although i was so upset about having done it for literal years, lol. my clan lore felt super weak up until bringing them back.

varsha is clan leader, but im undecided about yukiennes role- all i know is that he did essentially abandon varsha in exaltation and didnt actually fight to earn his right back to this plane, and she resents him for that. i can imagine they did talk initially about him rising up the politcal ladder rather than being involved in the war itself, and i imagine initially he was actually quite gentle and perhaps a bit skittish- she had more pity for him then, and understood he wouldnt fare as well. maybe she even thought it would help his confidence. but seeing him live a bejeweled life as she fought endlessly.... well, thats just not great. on top of it, he sees himself as responsible for their return, not acknowledging varshas efforts, and he does this despite the fact that there was no evidence of it. so yukienne likely doesnt do much in the clan, and i imagine varshas bodyguard- nevara- keeps an eye on him until or if varsha decides hes trustworthy to help. in the end, he doesnt especially want to do things for the clan anyways- he doesnt feel the dedication that varsha does, and though varsha doesnt realize it hes worn himself. hes tired of lies and a political lifestyle, and i dont imagine hes as confident as he might come off- its likely more a force of habit, and in saying it was because of him they got home, he just more than anything wants validation that his suffering was just as painful and he worked just as hard as varsha. but she really cant see that. in her eyes, hes still sitting on a pedestal, lying and spoiled rotten. even if now hes just lost and tired more than anything else.

varsha obviously is very strong willed and stubborn, and sometimes has difficulty empathizing with others- particularly those she perceives as having caused her harm. shes not especially friendly, and a bit paranoid. still she cares a lot about others, particularly her clan members who she views as her responsibility, and so she pushes away her own feelings best she can. shes more prone to trust those from wind than from any other flight, and is working on her distrust of those from ice.

she has a close bond to nevara due to her wind heritage and time spend together on the battlefield, and trusts her deeply. she also deeply trusts aer, the very dragon that first found her and yukienne, and the only from the clan at the time that did not know of her exaltation until it was too late. she appreciates the effort on her behalf to keep the clan in order and understands aer was also very hurt by what her clan members had done, and is glad to have someone from that time who had missed her.

varsha also finds amaryllis sort of cute and charming.the wind heritage probably helps yet again in this case, but even beyond that, she appreciates someone so unfit for the role trying their very hardest to play leader to keep their clan together in her absence. she sees her somewhat like a little sibling, despite not having a large gap in age.

since mako worked so close to both amyrllis and aer during her absence, she was one of the first ice flight members in their clan that she warmed to. with her optimistic and free spirited attitude, and the fact that shes still willing to work in a political position (unlike amaryllis, who was happy to retire) she helps to balance out varshas negative views of people and also is very useful in giving intel and helping create strong bonds between their clan and others, since varsha... would probably never do so on her own, but does see the necessity.

yukienne, at this point, lives a fairly solitary lifestyle. being rejected by the person he admires most as well as feeling he betrayed and failed her, he sees himself unworthy of deeper relationships. at the same time, he is stubborn and unwilling to discuss and feels he doesnt deserve sympathy or to explain his side. all interactions and relationships he has are shallow. at the very least, he is genuinely very proud of his appearance, so thats probably the one thing he has actual confidence in.

#fr #fr tag #flight rising #fr lore #dragon share #my lore #lore #yukienne #my progens #varsha #progens

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insanityembraced · 5 years

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Abnormal, Different, and Sometimes Extraordinary But Not Defective or Degenerate

I suffer from borderline personality disorder. It drastically influences my thoughts, actions, and understanding of the world around me. My perception, is and will always be altered by my, some say warped, I say realistic and unnaturally insightful, evaluation of emotional energy.

My personality disorder, label, or peculiarity, to me is a gift and makes me exceptional, not broken or in some way dangerous to leave unsupervised amongst non-afflicted personalities that perceive the world in a bland, underwhelming, and arguably are disordered, because they have lost or failed to attain enough focus or mental dexterity. In fact, the more we allow rigidity to limit man kinds ability to feel, sense, and accurately understand the emotional forces that bond us to each other and create the vivid colors of passion, creativity, and intensity only strong emotional tethers can sustain.

Sometimes my intensity and extrasensory ability is overwhelming and manifests in ways society labels as disordered, but in reality it is extraordinary and has mostly served to save rather than hinder my ability to navigate life. However, not every cloud is bright and humanity will always struggle with self control when faced with uncertainty and inesacapable animalistic urges that test our ability to get perspective in a world that never stops changing and evolving.

The following are some things that give insight into the extraordinary or even completely debilitating effects of my borderline personal perception of a world others see differently than I am capable of understanding:

I am insanely fickle. I can change my mind over and over and often times drastically reimagine my understanding of people and how we have shaped this globe or domed furmament into a prison with imaginary boundries created by hate and fear continuously infused into every fiber of human understanding.

As humanity becomes more and more oblivious to pure unadulterated empathy our sense of self blurs and society begins to eliminate diversity by allowing humanity to be silenced by fear built atop a drift of sand in the desert. However, even after the mirage has been unveiled as an invasive and aggressive sickness that has spread over the world consuming the rage and ignorance created by destroying pure empathy and viciously ripping humanity apart.

The more I explore the reaches of human understanding the less I believe we are even capable of understanding anything with certainty. Those who have attained great knowledge should have also gained an openness to the existence of many different kinds of intellectual perception that transcends traditional understanding of fact, fiction, or hypothetical scientific "certainty". Now I am convinced that the only thing I know with absolute certainty is that knowledge is currently to vast to contain within the limitations of our perception.

One thing that plagues those allegedly inflicted with a sickness so pervasive it has apparently permanently corrupted our souls and left us with scarred and impossibly broken personalities that now defines us entirely. Civilized, brainwashed, and fluoridated masses, given an instinctual fear of people labeled as mentally I'll. This instinct is based on a indistinct and uneducated manipulation of the different types of intellectual dexterity that can bless, awaken, and be a source of harmonious unification; instead the talents that I possess give me a different perspective on nearly everything. Different does not mean wrong. Failure of other humans to understand me or grasp the fiber of what makes me decipher the world in a different fashion that transcends even our sense of culture or language to create a group of individuals who consistently perceive stimuli from feeling, emotion, electrical charge of ions affected by forces not understood by those who close their mind to bothering with the difficult task of trying to think with other parts of your brain, even if it is unnatural or difficult.

I believe all intellectual or sensory talents are of value and should be developed in different environments that foster the use and improvement of our naturally occurring talents in says that create harmony and richer depth of understanding once we have opened our minds to different sensory observations that do not prove I am insane. All your label has done is help me to understand myself in a deep and intensely critical fashion that has helped me truthfully identify things I need to work on controlling and I also have had the opportunity to evaluate my triggers, identify signs of irrational or destructive thinking. This has allowed me to develop and institute coping mechanism and other internal and external tools to keep myself from allowing myself to overload my sensory system, not because I am permanently and invasively altered by psychic dysfunction that renders me a rambling, irrational nutcase unworthy of being trusted, believed, and people labeled borderline or who are labelled as having a personality disorder are just blessed with different sensory sensitivity that does create distinct differences in observation and unless there is effort exerted to understand and effectivy communicate with individuals who have a spacial or coordinated dexterity that can traslate into movement fluidity or accuracy that I am not natuRally blessed with and need help understanding and fostering such talent since I have an actual natural tendency to manage to fall inexplicably without warning or even applicston of outside force, but simply an internal lack of balance and a long term battle with my ability to see and thus manage my four dimensional space with grace.

All of this introspective personal reflection and growth should be a part of every human being on earth. Then those who suffer from similar difficulty in adjusting to certain triggers do not need to be defined by their diagnosis. The diagnosis is just how we find people who understand why my perception is differently aligned. We do not have to be feared, send to bedlam because of fear, or an irrational fear I will suddenly and violently embody my Hollywood stereotype and fatal ataction someone because I have been labeled and my internal bomb has been officially triggered.

Of coarse that is ridiculous and even people with the same disorder or same perspective still live life with shifting social, financial, qwwd many times has lead even similar differently abled souls to different ways to use our gifts to hopefully work towards harmony and unxersdnsign. 0⁰

t at your own understanding of the things you percieve. f we could acceptinstead of trying to force humanity into a mold f different talents and maybe even extraordinary abilities understanding with our surroundings. efear fear my extra personality have particularl feared the intense s have a history of failing to comply with medications and I am not good at consistently maintaining routine of anykind. I can only maintain a routine for days, occasionally weeks, and rarely have I ever maintained a consistent routine for more than six months.

I am capable of liking or becoming interested or disinterested in anything without warning. I consume myself with a fiery intensity for things that I will let consume me until I burn out. I have completely abandoned interests, hobbies, people, or career paths in a moment. The thing that I wanted to do every minute for the last 6 months, like when I fell in love with painting, instantly and without warning become unfulfilling, tedious, and inferior to a new and exciting passion to focus my obsessions on. I feel so intensely that I cannot enjoy or contain my energy in any repetitive or monotonous activity.

I unintentionally attract emotional disfunction; I have an uncontrollable urge to save certain dysfunctional or misunderstood humans; I become particularly enraged by the self designated elite, and often intellectually inferior humans, that intentionally exploit the weak, poor, uneducated, or disenfranchised; I cannot always protect myself from the emotions of others, human emotion produced by strangers can be so powerful I have literally fallen to my knees, began crying uncontrollably, or even been unable to breath based on proximity alone; pure emotion can be released from the body like a shockwave, but only if the emotion is genuinely produced; I cannot always distinguish liars, but I can always spot people who really are devoid of any kind if emotional depth, and they are the truly dangerous, because they dont care, feel, or empathize with humanity at all; I am intensely impulsive, particularly when I am having difficulty understanding and communicating with others; I am bad at maintaining relationships because of paranoia, constant fear of abandonment, and an inability to truly understand individuals; I only understand emotions and emotional energy, but fail miserably at understanding or anticipating actions driven by selfishness or purity of evil intent; I am unpredictable, even I cannot understand or predict all my begavior; once I cross the line into a psychotic episode, I lose all control, awareness, or ability to understand reality; I will black out entirely, and have absolutely no memory for hours or even days; when I gain control of my sanity the blackout lifts slowly like a thick fog; the lingering fog of psychosis is like a mental sedative that makes even simple tasks impossible, like remembering your name, or knowing if you are awake or asleep, or being able to understand basic human conversation; overwhelmingly emotional, and I have occasional breakdowns peppered with forced hospitalizations. Mental hospitals, particularly those that restrain the liberty of people who aren't capable of faking the numbness society expects of us all; are ineffectual, uninspired, and often the patients are treated without feeling, dignity, compassion, interest, competence, respect, understanding, and often staff not only refuses to listen, observe, or address any of the specific problems facing an individual. Instead the psychiatrists often do not even pretend to do their job and blindly medicate those they do not understand until they become someone else's problem.

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thyrideneverends · 4 years

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(2017)

Escritos que encontre del año 2017 . Y conversaciones conmigo desde el año 2020 ([]).

____________________________ AAAHGH IM SO FUCKING SAD. I cant help but feel that im rotting. I dont want pity; people helping; people empathizing. FUCK YOU. I can do better than you. I DO. In fact. I havent been blinded, and hate everything around me as an excuse for giving my life away for what it was supposed to be. [this could be missunderstod since i was clearly angry 4 something i dont recall, I was refering to people in general, how they put themselves above the others, how they always wanna get "there" first, how they talk trash about their relationships, the anger, the hate that breeds out of them when they are wronged(even if there`s no purpose or whatsoever to cause them, specifically, any troubles), the screaming, the violence, that kind of hate..]

I dont want to just 'be happy' because I have to; so I reject happiness. But I want to feel it like something real and not made up.. does that makes sense? Thats a paradox i cant escape lately. [thats deep man, fortunately we figured that out. Have we figured that out? Happiness now is closed for manteinance ^-^ ]

I cant find pleasure in anything.. I destroyed everything..[you had to start somewhere, right?] I cant find meaning in anything.

I just need someone, i just need not to be alone. But I am; Even surrounded by everyone. I know I am. I know you are too.. I hope you are strong enough to endure it.

[hablabas de otro tipo de soledad, lo se, pero vos todavia no lo sabias, o si?]

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Sometimes I feel like I forgot an important part of being alive. I remember a different version of myself from a few years back. I feel like I'm just existing; nothing pushes my happy button. And when I'm not strong enough to think that it's fine; that I don't need that.. I will just panic questioning myself why, the reason for me not belonging. I know it's fine; I know I can just spend the rest of my..50years left? just doing this; living this eternal circling hell. You might say it's a choice.. That I don't put that much effort into it. That I'm just playing this part. Complaining my ass off. And to that.. I can only say I'm sorry.. I'm doing the best I can. [I know you were.. truly; and u did a great job never letting me down] _________________________________________

Why are we even here right.. What powers you? You wake up, work or study, ingest food, sleep. Repeat. To finish your career and become something.. To earn enough money to become someone.. Be better in what you're doing or you'll be out. You'll be useless. You'll be garbage. We[the system] won't need you.. And then we have to be happy about it.. We have to function collectively happy and there's no room for the outcasts.. And IM to blame for it.. I could be happy like all of them.. But I'm just sitting my ass here thinking what else I can sabotage, in order to understand why it's unnecessary and wish to be also capable of that... Just capable maybe of.. not be weird; not be me.. And sometimes thats all that matters. That Im me.. And I love not being a part of them. I just can never get a hold of that moment and make it last.. I will feel alone just a moment after. [Im so glad we worked our loneliness, I mean, we have such fine moments in silence..]

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Aah... I was just given advice by a hot girl on tinder about how should I type, express and resume myself so the person on the other side of the screen won't stop replying thinking I'm an idiot.. She basically said :- "hey, you're an idiot but maybe a cute one. Here's human help. Just stop being you and people will like you" Y'know what? that's bullshit... It makes me so anxious that it happens all the time. There's always someone judgin. Not only online; real life is the worst. I just don't fit in here I guess. I'll keep talking with the tinder girl, maybe and get emptynessly laid, why not? But I think I hate this.. I hate that everything craves for a definition and people just won't LOOK; Im hidden among them... God how I wish to know who's there ravaging their brains with questions while walking in that empty crowd. I wish I could find you and ask just what you were thinking there. At that unique moment. You are not alone... But if you feel like I do; I wonder if you also wonder. I wonder if we're just very far away from each other.. I wonder if it`s true that there can only be one of us by this cosmic rule that goes: only one 'you/me' for every thousand people. Or.. maybe it's just me. Too old to be an idiot... Too idiot to fully be himself around smart well adjusted people. I guess it's a matter of perspective. isn't it pretty much all? Have a good night stranger.. [Not so stranger.. my dude.. U didn't get laid btw, you couldn't pull through with that. And then you promised you wouldn't lie about who you are.. You wouldn't ever play another role other than the one you are. Well, it was more like a statement than a promise, to yourself. I was there.. Best decision you ever made. You mutated loneliness into a condition, a simple symptom of your choice of living; instead of a disease on itself.. Very clever.]

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You don't have to read but if you wanna unload please write it down. Everything u hate.. or love; This I wrote on my personal account but it makes me anxious to open myself to judgy people, so I erased it.. We live to judge because we love fixing things that didn't go right with us. Never understanding each perspective is unique. Well Im gonna paste it here because I don't want to lose it.. I don't want something I really meant to be just a deleted thing..(even if it is)

Have u ever felt like you're unique or different? But then just analyzing, we all just walk towards and objective. We don't do things just because. You don't get up every day to just go to work.. to just have breakfast or go shopping, idk; people set goals. We follow patterns. We repeat the same exact thing to strangers of the streets. The same exact things other strangers reply to us.. We are the same NPCs to others. And then realizing this I just wanna scream PLEASE GET ME OUT OF THIS. Please look at me! I don't want this. I don't want to be aware of this.. I don't want to feel I'm just to you what you guess I am. What's the point of everything? How do I get to know who I am if I'm always this self-centered stupid attempt of somebody? Nobody wants that. Sometimes I am glad to be "awake". To be different from the other people in their bubbles... But most of the time I'd give EVERYTHING to be exactly like that. Because I feel lonely. Because I have so many friends, but we can't communicate. Because I've lost the ideal of love because at a certain point I was scared of being a problem and it hurts so fucking much. I don't think I am special.. or more intelligent or cultural, I just feel I have a different degree of "profoundness" than most other people. It's not something I talk about or show, most of the time i pretend to fit in, but I don't. I can fool myself for periods, I've fooled myself for so many years now, but in the end it always comes back, I can't hide it forever. it hurts so much. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse and I feel like a fucking show-off that just wants attention..

[I felt that.. dude. You write beautifully..]

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Hi person reading this. Be nice, life is full of shitty people. Make a tiny difference; someday we're all gonna die so its cool. Dont hold grudges ^^ . [^^]

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We are all just internet jesters shitposting to fill the void Even if you're just taking selfies and being beautiful while loving life, smiling to nothing and eating healthy shit while showing off the new place you just visited to a bunch of strangers that doesn't give a fuck about you .. (actually those are the worsts) yeah.. (Don't get me wrong I'm not saying it's bad. I do that too ! we like showing ourselves to others..) Screaming... I exist. Notice me sempai. We just are ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

________________________________________________ *draw of myself* [couldnt find it anywhere, where did u put it D: . i remember the sad expression] I know It has a lot of imperfections but so do I. I guess this is how I see myself.. Maybe I just wanted it to be like that. To express something to myself. I still feel like a little kid sometimes even tho I'm 25; "I just can't play with the other kids because I feel different and they make me feel different." Now I can't play with the adults, they're too adults. They make me feel too adult; i need to act up every move to become like them. And then alone, I can be at peace being who I wanna be; But it gets lonely from time to time; Not being able to understand who are you really; where are you really above the necessity of impersonating this other dude to get laid, get the job, get the money. And for what?.. Just to keep doing it because there is really no other choice.. How sad. But anyway. Ever tried to draw yourself? To see what's the image of you that you hold in your head.. if u truly do it; it doesn't matter if you know or not how to proyect yourself.. Every trace you make on that paper is a creation this world has never seen.. your chance to make a difference; it doesn't have to be trendy or impact in mankind. I suppose that's what I call art. And that's why art is everywhere.. Everything that can never be repeated.. Anything that comes from you; or life itself. A random amount of dirt.. Sunlight getting through the leaves of a tree.. Pieces of a broken cup and the stain of coffee in the carpet.. I'm not an artist myself tho; never considered myself even close to one.. I haven't drawn in years.. This is my first one in a long time; I just felt like it.

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stinkrascal · 3 years

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Little controversial, but a lot of fun. What are your sim s' toxic traits? Asking all of my favourite story tellers. Let's get deep

omg YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS please i love talking about controversial things lets goooooooooo <3

vlad - he’s a very controlling and overbearing person, honestly. he’s the type of person who trusts his knowledge above everyone else’s and feels he’s the most capable in any given situation, therefore he feels it’s only right that he’s in charge, no matter the circumstance. he’s wise, yes, but after centuries of believing this of himself, his wisdom has warped to unabashed pride, and he finds it difficult to trust another’s capabilities over his own because of it. i like to think this ties into why he’s fairly codependent in his relationships; he needs to feel as though he’s the one providing for, guiding, and therefore “controlling” his relationships, he needs to feel needed, so he seeks out people who feed into that desire, people he feels are “misguided” who need a wise, proper hand to bring them to normalcy. you know, someone like him, the spitting image of normalcy, seeking out impressionable people in an attempt to satiate his intense desire to be needed. like sir have u ever heard of therapy? LMAOOO

breanna - she’s laidback to a fault and oftentimes irresponsible, someone who rarely considers the outcomes of her decisions and someone who ignores the telltale signs given to her. this manifests in a lot of careless, reckless behavior and poor decision making skills. like, for instance, if vlad reminds breanna that the water bill must be paid by x day? you best bet the water will be shut off because queen, irresponsible as she is, forgot to send the check. if she promises to bring you to your doctor’s appointment, you best bet that the morning of you’re gonna call her only to discover she didn’t realize your doctor’s appointment was Today and she is currently stoned asf and cannot operate her vehicle, to which you will reply Breanna It’s 8 AM Why Are You Smoking At 8 AM to which she will apologize and cry and hang up and fall asleep. much like vlad, i like to think this ties into her own codependency issues, as she feels she’s, in essence, unable to properly, or rather, responsibly care for herself, and must rely on someone else to do this for her. she enables his controlling nature by relying on him for most things, and in return he enables her immaturity by providing for her unconditionally. isn’t that, like, super fucked up lmaooooo? like, it’s the sims universe u know, so take all of this with a grain of salt, bc like in the context of my silly sims 4 legacy all of these codependency issues honestly amount to, like, breanna being a happy and uncritical stoner tradwife and vlad being the one who pays the bills and drives. it’s not actually that serious u know. but when you think about it critically and apply it to like real-world scenarios n consequences n whatever... it’s gross as fuck <3 you guys need therapy <3

lucien - like vlad, he’s fairly prideful, as he feels he’s the most knowledgeable and capable of any given situation, but more so than that, he feels the need to show off his intelligence by testing others’ knowledge. he also feels the need to lecture those he feels aren’t as knowledgeable as he is; often he doesn’t realize he’s doing it. he’ll basically mansplain to you for hours, if you don’t keep him in check. also, his ego usually gets the best of him, and he can’t help but find himself better than those he views as unintelligent. it can come off a little classist at times, and this is something which has been brought to his attention in the past, something he wishes to alleviate in his further interactions. it’s a work in progress. ;-;

gen - their main issue is that they’ve a difficult time understanding and empathizing with other people, primarily women. i like to think this comes from their overall discomfort within themselves, whether that discomfort revolves around their personality, their gender identity, or their apathy towards life. women in particular are difficult for gen to empathize with, as it is that gen makes an effort to distance themselves from women, most likely a consequence of their discomfort with their assigned gender. lashing out at the “thing” they wish to distance themselves from is a simple, quick way to tell your peers, I Am Not This Thing! you don’t wish to be perceived as a women? vehemently hate all of that which is considered womanly, and maybe you’ll stand a chance against your audience. that’s... gen’s way of looking at it, at least. it’s not healthy, and gen realizes this by now, but so far it’s not caused too much of a hindrance on their life, save for all the girlfriends they can’t get because of their shitty misogynistic streak, so they’re not too bothered. i can promise you as they grow more comfortable with themselves, they will eventually drop their mean streak. i know gen’s been a misogynist for, like, two years now lmaooo ;-;

carlile - much like his mother, he’s extremely irresponsible. he forgets important dates, he often misplaces his belongings and the belongings of others, he can hardly be trusted to cook without forgetting the stove’s on then burning the house to the ground. he’s also rather bratty, especially when he’s hungry. idk i’m blanking on carlile honestly his toxic trait is being perfect <3

nikolai - he has a hard time establishing boundaries with others, so he often finds himself in situations he finds uncomfortable, merely because he can’t say no to anything. you can usually tell when he’s uncomfortable, as he wears the expression well on his face, but even then, he’ll bite his tongue and carry onwards. worst of all, though, he’ll be upset with you if you’re the one who suggested the plans, even if he’s the one who agreed to the situation despite not wanting to attend in the first place.

klaus - he doesn’t expect anything from anybody, and he feels that all people should feel this way about each other, as no expectations means no one can get hurt. this also means, however, that klaus’ effort put into everything he does is fairly low, and he doesn’t often impress people with his lazy, myopic attitude. he’s self-dependent to a fault, wanting to do most things by himself without considering the help of others, as he feels he’s the only one who should provide for himself. basically, he doesn’t accept “charity” from other people, and he thinks most people shouldn’t accept “charity” from others, either. very much a “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” kind of guy, which i consider toxic as fuck, so, like. :)

anastasia - she’s a lot like vlad; she feels her judgment is the best in most situations, and she feels she deserves to be in charge at all opportunities because of this. her confidence teeters on pride, and she often confuses the two and unknowingly comes across as arrogant and abrasive because of this. she trusts the abilities of others, it’s just that she believes she works the hardest and wants it the most, and this innate desire puts her above others. she’s also prone to fits of jealousy, especially over her friends, an attribute also lovingly instilled into her by her father :p if you so much as look at her best friends the wrong way, she will come for your throat as though she were some rabid dog, about to feast on her next meal. she’s loyal, yes, but loyalty doesn’t come without its faults; she’s quick to excuse her friends, even for truly heinous actions they provably committed, so long as she feels the intention is forgivable. her love and affection for other people blinds her, and often she’ll act in their best interest, even if that means being rude or aggressive towards others who go against them.

ilya - his toxic trait is that he’s never featured on this blog and idk what to do with him <3 his other toxic trait is that when hes a teen hes gonna commit arson. thats sooooo toxic

ok im gonna go through everyone else really quickly bc my fingers hurt HAHAHA ok lets speedrun this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bonnie - her toxic trait is that she thinks 50 shades of gray is legitimately a good book series. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

cooper - his toxic trait is that he smells so bad and he doesnt know why he uses soap and deodorant and bathes frequently hes just sweaty asf and you know what Me too king sweaty kings rise up

shivi - her toxic trait is that shes a barista at a coffee shop and she doesnt even like coffee. her other toxic trait is that she lowkey hates vampires :( and thats just rude asf

maeve - her toxic trait is that shes an apologist. she sees someone doing something terrible and shes like OKAY THEY DID THIS BAD THING BUT THEY’RE JUST TROUBLED IT’S NOT THEIR FAULT MAYBE I CAN FIX THEM!!!! like no bitch you cant

tarek - his toxic trait is NOTHING tarek is literally so perfect like he just wants to take care of his sick boyfriend and learn how to be a top tier witch like thats it? He doesnt deserve any slander bye

abigail - her toxic trait is that she’s SOOOOOO clingy to the point where like u guys can be in the same room but if you’re not looking at her rn while you two are in the same room together she’s like DO YOU HATE ME? like abbie please we dont hate u ur just being crazy rn. shes also extremely jealous and self-destructive so like if she feels like u are cheating on her she will FREAK OUT and ruin your relationship bc she doesn’t know how to effectively communicate her emotions and feels the need to lash out inexplicably at everything that triggers her </3 poor girl

karmen - her toxic trait is that she hides behind her humor and nonchalant persona to mask her emotions. she says it’s a coping mechanism, but the truth is, she refuses to meaningfully engage with these feelings, as they’re too uncomfortable for her, so she downplays her struggles with humor. she’s very much someone who acts as though she’s got it under control, even if the truth is, she’s struggling to stay afloat. her other toxic trait is that she will endanger her own internet safety it if means she can get a cute e-milf to send her money <3

caspian - he’s reserved to a fault, as though he’s physically unable to admit what’s troubling him. yet, when he speaks, you can always tell when there’s an issue. it’s always one of those things with him, where the emotion is too repressed to be articulated, yet too present to ignore. he’s so resistant to aid, he’d rather subject himself to terrible situations if it means denying help from another. often, he does this under the guise that he doesn’t wish to be a burden to others, therefore he must take care of himself without help, but he fails to realize that by not helping himself, he’s hurting his relationships around him, which burdens everyone. he’s deeply insecure, and he often weaponizes his insecurities, typically without meaning to. this manifests in a lot of self-deprecation, deflective language during arguments, ie “I’m the worst person ever, I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me after this,” which often comes off very manipulative. again, he doesn’t mean to sound manipulative, it’s just something that happens naturally, something he's gotta work towards alleviating.

vaughn - like caspian, he’s many emotions which are too strong to ignore, though too repressed to be expressed. this manifests primarily through vaughn’s financial immaturity and his promiscuity. he enjoys the physical pleasures of life, and he often abuses these luxuries as a way to distract himself from the very real pain he feels, pain he refuses to admit he harbors. so instead he sings his silly songs and spends his money recklessly and fucks everyone within a thirty mile radius to distract himself from the void in his chest :\

wolfgang - he’s basically an incel LMAOOOOOOO or like what do they call an incel who larps as a normal person to pick up woman? a pick up artist i think? hes that LMAO hes quite literally in the incel community is what im trying to say. i havent talked about it yet but its literally a plot point. if you look in my brainstorm sheet rn it says “Wolfgang munch reads incelme forums every day. Wolfgang munch thinks j*rdan peters*n is the leading figurehead in the hall of intelligentsia.” so like yeah

#Anonymous #jade answers #this was so fun to answer LMAOOO #ive thought about the vlad/brie codependency lore for EVER now so im happy i finally have a context where i can talk about it lmaooooo #ugh i love making weird toxic hcs for my ocs <3 i love it when my ocs do bad things <3 #straud asks

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understandingthevoices · 5 years

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quora always recommends me narcissism-related posts so here’s a comprehensive/basically complete list that someone came up with to identify a narcissist. PLEASE TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY. DONT RUIN YOUR LIFE - OR WASTE YEARS WITH THESE SCUM.

Listen to your gut and your intuition. You’ll start to realize all the red flags. Something will feel off about this person…

They will never care about your feelings, opinions or desires. Sometimes they may act like they do, but they really really really don’t.

Everything is always about them. They are extremely selfish and think about themselves in every situation. To a narcissist, you are not seen as an individual, but as an object that can provide them things.

They will never compromise. You either like it or you don’t, it’s their way or no way!

They won’t congratulate you on your accomplishments - no matter how small or big.

They are parasites. They will use everything you can offer them - especially money, sex, food, driving your vehicle and shelter. You’ll end up paying for mostly everything, and they will hardly ever contribute anything. They will keep their money for themselves while gladly spending all of yours!

They are hot & cold. You end up feeling confused with their moods being constantly up and down.

In the beginning stages of your relationship, they’ll make you feel like you’re the center of their world. It seems like they make so much time to talk to you, and make you feel “special”. Then during devaluation, you will start to go days without hearing from them. They won’t respond to your messages, calls, or attempts to get together with them. They’ll make it seem like you’re smothering them, or annoying them and will call you too needy or clingy.

They’ll tell you all kinds of things to get you hooked under their charm. You will end up quickly becoming attached to them.

They will talk about their exes in a negative way. My ex narc referred to most of the women he’s been with as “bitches”.

They’ll make you feel bad for talking about the things that are upsetting you. You can forget about having healthy communication & working things out constructively.

They aren’t caring, or nurturing. They especially won’t be there for you if you are sick, or feeling hurt. They will actually abandon you during times when you need them the most.

They make all kinds of promises and will never follow through on a single one of them.

They have no goals, or ambition and don’t value hard work ethic. Instead they spend their days preying on others, and being low-life leeches. They have no shame in this! They have a “fake it until you make it” mentality.

They will isolate you from your family and friends, control who you talk to, but they get to socialize with whoever they want to without question!

They’ll ghost you and disappear randomly; leaving you all confused and distraught. This is one of their favourite games to play!

All of the “compliments” and “kindness” you saw in the beginning will stop once they realize they have you right where they want you; in love and head over heels for them. The idealization phase doesn’t last very long before you start to become devalued, criticized, constantly put-down and ignored.

They get bored very easily and live unpredictable lifestyles. Routines are not for them.

Huge procrastinators. They usually have many side projects going on, or have a hard time committing to jobs. If they end up keeping a steady job, it’s because they have a high status position, and consider themselves to be on top. However, many narcs are really lazy, and would prefer for their supplies to provide for them. Hence the parasitic type relationship!

Sexual addiction. Many are addicted to porn, and erotic lifestyles such as strippers, escorts/prostitutes, and they are extremely promiscuous. Women/Men are merely viewed as objects. I would highly recommend never having unprotected sex with them, and if you do then get yourself checked for sexually transmitted infections and diseases.

They will openly flirt with people in front of you to make you upset and get a reaction out of you. This includes friends, family of yours, co-workers, neighbours, complete strangers, or anyone they find attractive. Then they will call you jealous, controlling, or crazy if you say anything about it.

Cheaters!! They are always cheating. They will admit to cheating on past relationships, and may even tell you that they will cheat no matter who they’re with and that it comes with the package. They’ll even sleep with your friends or family! Everyone is fair game to them.

Drug/Alcohol addiction. Many narcissists will abuse substances in excess to mask their deep internal suffering.

They have no moral compass! They will behave in ways that most people would find abhorrent.

They’ll act nice in front of others & be fakely kind to people in your presence, but treat you like garbage behind the scenes where nobody sees.

Insecure, but will act overly confident. Almost cocky like their better than everyone.

They will rarely if ever apologize to you or take accountability for anything, and if and when they do, expect it to be really insincere.

They will tell you about their abusive childhood to justify their behaviour. They do this so you will empathize with them, but they have absolutely zero empathy for anyone else.

They will lie about anything, and keep things from you.

They don’t like to share. They have the mentality “What’s mine is mine, what’s yours is mine.”

They won’t make you feel appreciated on special occasions such as holidays, and birthdays. They don’t care about these things.

They expect you to be submissive, and complacent. If you decide to speak your mind and stand up for yourself, you’ll be met with rage, or even get discarded if you hit their ego.

They are very immature! It’s like they still haven’t grown up.

Mentally, physically, sexually and financially abusive. They may call you degrading insults in arguments, subtly put you down or humiliate you in front of others, they may act out aggressively against you or violently, they will take your money that you work hard for and try to control you, and they can also become sexually abusive by forcing you to have sex when you don’t want to or make you engage in acts that you normally wouldn’t.

They have no regard for the law or rules, and live reckless lifestyles. They know right from wrong, but don’t care to live by societal standards. Many end up breaking the law, and getting arrested.

You’ll begin to realize you’re just a puppet on their strings. They call allthe shots!

You’re constantly walking on eggshells trying to please them, but nothing will ever be good enough. Damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.

Triangulation - they will somehow manage to compare you to their exes, or make you constantly wonder if there is another person in their lives - which in narc world, there is ALWAYS another supply. Whether you’re primary, secondary, side piece used for sex, or “just a friend”; trust me, there is always someone else!

They will cut off anyone, and only keep people around that serve their lifestyle. Most of their “friends” are people that they can use, or just go out and party with.

Pay close attention to how they talk about others, they rarely have anything compassionate or positive to say about anyone.

You feel like you’re being constantly devalued and left feeling confused about where this nice charming person went that existed during the lovebombing phase. It was really just an act! The dark demonic force you are starting to see is their true self. They can’t mask it for very long.

They can dish it out but can’t take it back! They have no problem calling anyone out on things that don’t fit their narrative, but the second you even mention anything about them (even if it’s warranted and truthful), all Hell breaks loose!

You’ll begin to realize you’re the only one making true sincere effort to make things work. All they do is take, take, take and serve you tiny little crumbs to string you along while they look for their next target.

They use social media as their predatory playground to check up on their supplies, and hunt for new ones. If you have a lazy narc, then they’ll just recycle through one of the sources that still believes all the shit they serve.

Master manipulators! They know all the right things to say to win you over. They get to know their victims very well like your strengths, weaknesses, insecurities, and vulnerabilities. They will use this all against you in their favour.

They aren’t into true intimacy or affection, especially in public. After the idealization phase wears off, they will not put any ounce of effort into taking you out on dates, being affectionate, or even doing basic things like holding your hand. They will turn completely cold and become withdrawn; especially after sex.

You’ll basically start to feel like nothing you do is appreciated - because to them, it isn’t! You’ll be lucky if you even get a simple thank you for the nice things you do.

It won’t matter how nice of a person you are, you’ll eventually be discarded in the worst possible way ever and they’ll coldly move on as if you never existed. You’ll be left devastated trying to make sense of everything that has happened. To them, everyone is a means to an end!

Bottom line is not every narcissist is the same; some are more malignant and overt while others are covert, but they all share similar traits and usually follow the same relationship pattern with everyone - idealize, devalue and discard. You will never feel truly happy in the relationship, because it’s not a parternship. It’s a toxic one-sided, abusive, selfish dictatorship that makes you feel objectified, used, confused, unloved, and insecure.

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thetruthisnow-blog1 · 7 years

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Tickling fake and real

Fake but real Warning: deep This is a long post / story and probably a serious one in a way, however I'll try to keep it as entertaining as possible. I just want to see what people think of this and these places are probably going to be the only response I will get from people who at least halfway understand me. I am a male in my 20s and I have had this fetish as far back as I can remember. To be honest with you it completely dominates my fantasies, its the only thing I've ever been aroused by. I've always had an obsession with tickling before it was even possible for me to find it sexual, I remember there was one cartoon that I used to play over and over again because it had a tickle scene in it, and that was one of my earliest memories, so obviously somthing in my mind was always attached to it. I am not ashamed of this fetish in fact I feel somewhat bad for people who don't have it because they don't know what they're missing IMO. However it has its dark side. When I was young and even in a way kind of now, I dispised the feeling of being a lee. Don't get me wrong it still arouses me tbh somtimes even more than lering but it can be extremely unpleasant at the same time and even as involuntary as the laugh response itself. Even though this may make me sound pathetic, it hurt me somehow internally, in my mind when this happened to me when I was young. (I have been mugged in my life to the point I had to go to the hospital , I have been through hard withdrawals, sure I'm not the biggest victim in the world but the point I'm trying to make is that I'm not a complete pussy either) I've been through my share of pain but that particular feeling stuck with me. Either way eventually I discovered tickle porn and not long after that I figured out how to masturbate. It was the best feeling in my life. It was literally like the gates of heaven opening. The first video I remember was just of a random woman loling while her feet were tickled. I remember it felt so good I did it again straight away. That day I changed internally it was like a lot of bad feelings just went away. Not all bad feelings but a lot of them. I only ever had one relationship andonly had one nights with two other females. All of that happened in the space of one year and it wasn't until years after I'd already discovered tickle videos. I tickled a few times during my relationship (she did to me as well) it didn't bother me though cos she was ticklish / acted as if she was if i tickled back and that made me feel ok. At the time though I didn't really fully understand women like I think I do today, and I've not been with a female since I I figured them out. Not because I dont like them, but because my life has become far to busy ATM to be dealing with men or women that I dont have to deal with. But my whole life I still had this feeling that there was something about women that didn't make sense. I had somthing of an inner feeling of paranoia and fear directed at women. I always had this feeling from an early age that the ticklish reaction from women was fake. The idea was not somthing I liked the thought of, my dream of being in a relationship had been being with a Lee. The idea of a woman faking or not being ticklish made me feel insecure because that means that she doesnt share my weaknesses and therefore wouldn't understand me. This depressed me at an early age when I thought these things because it made it seem like there is nothing to aim for in life, which is a pretty cynical view. It is just such a weird feeling and as far as I'm concerned its true. When I was in college I learned about eye movements and lying. You can tell if someone is lying by their eye movements. I decided to put this to the test with that question hoping that I could shake the feeling but it turns out that women really are faking being ticklish. Whenever I saw a female answer the question "are you ticklish?" if she answered yes her eyes would go in the lying direction and the truth direction if she said no. I think I noticed it by accident at first but I kept digging deeper until I was checking videos online of females answering that question. The eye movement always match up, too many times for it to be a coincidence. So after a long time it all starts making more and less sense at the same time. In a way this knowledge confirmed my fears but at the same time it evaporated them. It's like a huge weight off your shoulders to figure out the thing that your brain has been subconsciously saying your entire life but your conscious brain doesn't want to believe it at least not without proof. Then like I said I got proof. The truth is in the eyes and I found it. As much as this launched a string of depression in my life when I realised it, it ended eventually, and now even though women are not allperfect and a lot of them can do bad things as can a lot of men, I have to at least say that some of them I have developed a sense of empathy for and even respect, which some of them deserve in my opinion, because the fact that they're willing to laugh is in my opinion a sign that they've devolped respect or at least empathy for men. There is a difference between men and women when it comes to this fetish because women are by default of nature the natural dominants when it comes to this activity, however some of them have proven they have empathy and risen above it. Even though they cannot feel the mans pain when it comes to this, some of them still laugh, meaning that every time I have ever watched a mf or ff video, every time that a woman has lold at my touch in the past, it has been of her own will. Even if they do it for self gain a lot of the time e.g. money (in videos) it's still nice to know in my opinion that some of them are decent enough to actually be willing to be submissive and pretend to be ticklish even though they're not (I still respect / empathize with them and appreciate them if they do it for money, its fair exchange and they deserve money for laughing while being tickled on video, it still requires effort for them to take time out of their day to do it). I can't imagine how empty my life would have been if I'd never had the good times with tickle porn. I'd be a far more miserable person today if it wasn't for porn. At the same time I feel that women need to take value in the fact that this activity is somthing that requires exra sympathy for men, and personally I think i could tolerate being a Lee as long as I also get to ler when it's my turn even though I know its fake, it still feels good in my mind. In a way it makes it better , because it's like telling reality to go fuck itself. My fantasy was to be with a woman that shares my ticklishness, god has made women not ticklish, but some women still let me live out my fantasy by playing Lee / loling by choice and giving me the feeling of being a ler. In one way, when you get this knowledge you realize that no women are lees, but at the same time you realize that all women are lees, if you get what I'm saying, any of them can be a Lee if they want to be, they can consciously decide to be a lee. To the women out there that act in these videos, I am extremely greatful for these in ways I cannot possibly explain. I dont even think all men are ticklish, or at least some of them are barely ticklish, but I know from what I've figured out using science and even just the feeling in my head, that women are not ticklish without deliberarley laughing on a whole. This may seem depressing at first but the more you think about it the more you realize how much a female Lee is a person that doesn't really get credit for how cool she is. If it wasn't for these women, I'd have never seen a woman be ticklish in my entire life, but because of porn I've seen it no end of times. But not just because of porn , also because of the surprising good nature of what appears to be a lot of women. At the same time I feel its somewhat unfair that tickling isn't really addressed as potentially abusive a lot of the time and also it seems weird to me that why has a scientist not figured this out yet? This is Somthing that is unique to men with and its not even common knowledge that its only men that go through it. Even though I'm extremely greatful for all of the women lees (and when I say Lee I dont mean a woman that neccisarily acts ticklish all of the time, even if its just one time it still counts) I think that women still need to be sympathetic to some degree with men when it comes to tickling because they really dont know how bad it can be. If you're going to tickle a man I dont think its much to ask just to laugh if he tickles you back. It doesn't even matter if he knows you're laughing deliberately, if anything he'll just appreciate you more. Personally I think I'm done with relationships even though my experiences with women in the past have mostly not been negative, I'm just happy with porn and women dont throw themselves at me anyway and I CBA to out of my way to try to impress them. When it comes to the fake thing, yes women's ticklish reaction is fake, but that is what makes women so awesome, cos if it wasn't for them I wouldnt have all the good memories and experiences I've had of being a ler or watching porn with women tickling each other (f/f is always the best IMO) I dont know how many men or even women are aware of this I just find it strange that its not common knowledge? If you are a female reading this that is a lee, my message to you as a man is I really appreciate that there are women out their like you, but please take some sympathy in the fact that some men can find being tickled unpleasant and unless youve experienced being truly ticklish, then you really have no idea how bad it can be. if you lol if he tickles you back if you've already tickled him I think that stops most or all of the bad feelings at least for me. Anyone else had any similar experiences? I hope this helps anyone that is cofused about reality like I used to be. Peace.

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trishgibsontx · 7 years

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why successful people don’t have time for bullshit, and why you won’t either as you become successful

“salida” photo by me

bullshit and success do not exist in the same room.

what do I mean by success, in this post? I mean a fully honed focus. an actualized dream. a desire manifest into 3d. for example, a singer who wants to win a grammy. an inventor who wants their idea patented and worldwide with the intention of helping others. basically anyone doing the “impossible” in life. the only reason we don’t live our dreams is because we get caught up in bullshit — emotional, psychological, or otherwise.

what do I mean by bullshit, in this post? I mean second and third chances to allow someone to show you who they are. this sounds harsh, yes. and I spent many — MANY — years giving not second or third chances to people, but hundreds. maybe thousands. sometimes to the SAME one person! another form of bullshit is gossip and negative focus — for example, watching the news each day, complaining about it, and making that an actual reason why life sucks.

when I was on the road to my current “success” — which I would define, personally, as something that has grown definition-wise over time (there was a time when success to me simply meant living month to month and paying rent and eating and working ANY job! — now, it means pioneering in medicine and literature and healing by leveraging media) — I had to sort through a LOT of bullshit. and what I learned, each time that I had less of it, was how light my bags got. each time my bags got lighter, suddenly I was closer to my “goal”.

for example: when I first moved to NYC, I was leaving the corporate arena. my focus at that point, as I grew my natural precociousness for all things holistic/metaphysical, was simply to book a recurring role on tv. the reason for it, at the time, was to have a platform to come back to “later”. with my message. at that point in time, I did not know what my message would be. now I do. anyhow, I got caught up in a very draining relationship for over 2 years. right as I was taking my plunge toward my goal, which could have happened nearly overnight, I allowed myself to fill my bags with shit. it is not to say the person was bad, but they were *not* good for ME. I stayed anyhow. the reasons why can likely be found in many other blog posts, lol. but the point is, I slowed my road to success. I ruminated on many things. I didn’t trust my gut in knowing that while this person’s life and business would completely expand (which it did!!!), mine would be put on a big fat hold. I was also in constant contact with people who did not respect me. I was then learning 1) how to leave a very unfulfilling relationship and 2) how to lessen contact with those who did not serve any positive interest in my life. it took time. about 2.5 years. and when I did it, DAMN! my phone rang off the hook for consistent work in TV and Film, and within just one year I had booked a recurring role on network television. well, no shit! I had dropped bags.

another example, and this one speaks to my own bullshit that someone else didn’t want to tolerate (though I didn’t get it at the time!): when I was younger, super early 20s, a very famous and attractive man basically chased me down the street to meet me. actually, his manager got to me first. then he got to me. someone of his social status and otherwise was foreign to me, so I had my guard up. I also never cared or wanted to coattail anyone. anyhow, he got my number and we began talking. I actually lived in a different city at the time, and he was trying to fly me to see him. I said no. so he flew to see me. I might have been young and naive, but I always had a shit ton of self respect. I told him the ground rules, basically, “I am not interested in dating or sleeping with anyone right now”. I was afraid of what he was used to getting so easily, and that the potential disappointment he might have around me not putting out would hurt me. anyhow, we made plans. it was an amazing time. this was pre social media, thank GOD. there were tons of people snapping pics of us. I felt both important and guarded at the same time. people made circles around us at the nightclub we went to. afterward, we went for pizza. I made it clear I was going home alone that night. he asked me to spend the next day with him. here is where my own “bullshit” comes in. I was nervous. he was a lot for me. part of me felt like I would be totally controlled by this person just because of who they “were” and I didn’t know what to do about it. I was unclear with him about plans the next day. I think I said yes. then I slept until 3pm and kept my phone off. I didn’t know why I did it. part of me was afraid that he would think I was a fan-girl, so I played a little hard to get. the problem in the human world was that I played too hard to get. I wasted his time! he flew many miles to come see me and I basically (unwittingly) blew him off the next day because I didn’t know how to handle the situation. I realized my energy and behavior, and made an effort for plans with him for that night. he was totally shut down at that point. he didn’t say that I had bruised his ego, which I definitely had, but I know that the biggest part in the situation was that I wasted his time. he had so many other places he could be, and I made him wait and wonder. he was pissed. NOW, I understand this. I can’t tolerate it either. I don’t tolerate it. there have been many amazing young men or romantic prospects I have met over the years, but they wasted my time. perhaps for similar reasons that I wasted someone’s time when I was young. it’s not usually deliberate, but that is not the point. the point is that wasting precious time — especially when we are very successful, or we want to be — is bullshit. and bullshit and success can not go together.

flipping back to learning with my own discernment of the bullshit and success correlation…over the years, especially as a VERY sensitive and empathic person, it has often felt like death to my very being to do what is in MY best interest. I have held on to people and beliefs that only slowed me down. in each passing year, I learned new ways to lighten my load. I could not pull a 180 by dissociating, I actually had to do the work to let go of people and beliefs aka BULLSHIT. I felt guilty a lot. I also knew that my ONLY path to freedom and “success” was without the bullshit. aka fool me once, only.

I began to make progress with each bag I left behind. as I began meeting other people who had dropped LOADS of bullshit in their life, I noticed that they were at the top of their field in life. their focus was laser-like, and while they certainly had incredible compassion for others, they COULD NOT RISK the bullshit.

I walked the line, and still do sometimes, between feeling unconditional love with assorted excuses for allowing certain people/behaviors in my life, and feeling unconditional love with a chopping block action associated with what/who I know is not good for me. sometimes I really feel like it sucks to be a no-second-chance person, but it has truly created nothing but goodness in my life. I MUST always trust that. there is no sense of being “without”, because each time we follow our gut (aka drop the bullshit), new doors open. doors open all of the time, in fact — it is just a matter of which ones we are done with/have closed. I closed many. I still close many. I choose my purpose, and along with that is anyone and everyone I could dream of wanting with me.

successful people don’t have time for bullshit, and you won’t either as you become as successful as you want to be. maybe you already are. if that is the case, congratulations for navigating the system — it does not come easy.

The post why successful people don’t have time for bullshit, and why you won’t either as you become successful appeared first on The Medical Intuitive Blog: Energy Medicine & Reiki Therapy By Elaine™.

from Trisha Gibson http://www.themedicalintuitiveblog.com/2017/05/24/successful-people-dont-time-bullshit-wont-either-become-successful/

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