#i dont plan on going into the invasion or anything like that i dont think its relevant

[qoldenskies]

finished the outline for CW, its gonna be a total of 28 chapters! some parts in the middle im still a little iffy on but i have all the broadstrokes/know exactly where all the big important scenes are placed >:) including a lot of things im very excited for

chapter 11 in particular. them running low on painkillers is something i am setting up on purpose for the events of that chapter. this is your only warning

[amarayys]

DRDT CHP 2 EPISODE 15 REACTIONS - SO OBVIOUSLY SPOILERS

disclaimer - this post is quite long. like 12 doc pages long. so yeah

in this post, i predicted that the culprit would be ace. and, well....yeah! IT WAS!!! AND I FEEL REALLY GOOD ABOUT THAT!!!! AND IM REALLY HOPING THAT THE FACT THAT AREI'S MISSING GLOVE AND THE MISSING SCRUM DEBATE DONT MEAN ANYTHING!!!

....i got it right.

I ACTUALLY GOT IT RIGHT??? NO FUCKING WAY???

Anyway, I'm gonna make a short post (post editing amari here - this post is in no way short. why did i think it would be???) of my reactions to the episode. And trust me, there were reactions.

Ace: You're going to call me the murderer just because Eden said so?! That's so inane I don't even know where to start!

...I feel ashamed to admit I had to google what "inane" means. Basically, it means "Lacking sense or meaning," which, true, actually! I can't deny suspecting Ace JUST because of Eden's crying is a little weird. Not to say that Eden is malicious or something, though.

J: I'm not saying Eden did it, but are you sure the killer is Ace?

This line isn't insanely relevant or something, I just wanted to point out that I was pretty confused here. Why is J defending Ace??? Uh???

Eden: It was him! (Ace) He was the one stalking me!

Aha, I thought so! I've seen a few people theorise that the person "stalking" Eden was the culprit, and I agree. It just makes the most sense - so I'm glad we were right!

Teruko: Could it be that Ace switched targets from Eden to Arei? (paraphrased)

Oh, I didn't even consider that! We see later in the trial this isn't true, but I'm surprised that nobody (to my knowledge) brought this theory up. Though I don't really see why he would switch targets.

Ace: S-so?! Nico could have taken it or lied about the fish disappearing. (paraphrased)

100% True! But Ace seems to be using this argument solely to accuse Nico...which he sure does a lot. While screaming. A lot.

*discussion about ace making a murder plan after nearly being murdered*

Teruko makes a good point here - He could have made the plan the day following his near-murder.

Teruko: Most people wouldn't like going back to the scene of their almost-murder. (paraphrased)

...Teruko, you're projecting. Hard. Like, really hard.

Ace: ...

Ace: Y-yeah! Exactly! There's no reason for me to take the tape unless I made a plan to kill her in a few seconds. (paraphrased)

Hesitation spotted! And a stutter! I freaked out over this on call for no reason, but that is VERY suspicious, dude.

Arturo: Who uses non-medical tape for first aid? That's sickening.

Teruko: It's not that weird, I do it all the time.

...AUWVGGHHHHH. Teruko you make me ILL. This is probably referencing how she didn't have money for medical supplies in the regular world so she had to use regular tape for wounds, since her luck hurts her often, which cannot be good/safe for injuries. I nearly cried here, because I'm very dramatic when it comes to Teruko. YOU DESERVE BETTER.

Ace: What is this, some sort of Devil's Pubes?

...What the fuck?? What??? I am not kidding when I tell you I was drinking water during this line and fucking choked. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??? HELLO?? CAN SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT HE MEANT??

Ace: Everyone is always attacking me for stupid reasons. (paraphrased)

He's not wrong, actually. Everyone is always attacking him - Though not always for stupid reasons.

Ace: Do you even hear yourself right now? I'm a murderer because of my "personality"?!

I've got to agree with him here - that's a pretty stupid argument to make. As much as I don't want to slander Min, did her personality seem like the type to murder?

Teruko: Show me your neck scars.

...That's a little invasive, no?

*discussion about scratched neck*

I also believe some people pointed out Ace's bloody fingers, but I haven't seen anyone mention scratches on his neck! To be fair, that is a VERY small detail that's quite easy to miss.

Teruko: But you probably never forgot. After all, you have to live with your scars every day. Even if you've been pretending it's fine, it still hurts, right? (paraphrased)

...Ohmygod she's projecting again. Is she insecure about her scars?? Or do they just remind her of bad situations? Teruko, I love you so so much you make me SOB.

Ace: I thought I was supposed to be the stupidest one here! What the fuck is this?!

...He just called himself stupid. He is NOT beating the idiot allegations.

the whole veronika spiel**

Well, yeah, I'd imagine being almost murdered is somewhat traumatising.

turpentine, jockey and strangling arguements:

This post is going to get VERY long soon, so sorry for the massive skip lmao.

Turpentine: Correct - How would have Ace kept Arei unharmed apart from her neck wounds without her being unconscious due to turpentine? I really don't have any clue.

Strangling: Strangling her?? I didn't see THAT coming. But yeah, I suppose it works. I really don't have much to say here, tbh.

Jockey: Basically, Ace is stronger than Eden and can therefore knock her out. True, I suppose, but it's a shaky argument based off assumptions.

Charles: Ace was trying to imitate Nico's murder.

I can see this being the case - Ace using that to frame Nico. Ace HAS been blaming Nico quite a bit, huh?

Ace's injury argument*

Good points made by both Eden (for some reason??) and Teruko. Yes, Ace was bleeding out and in a lot of pain, but the wound was not severe enough to limit either his speech or his movement. The murder might have hurt, but he'd be able to do it.

J: Isn't Ace...too stupid?

I burst out laughing...that's quite direct, J! But also mean. Ace is literally right there. Also, that is not a proper argument!

Ace's whole dignity thing*

Jeez, I used to despise Ace, but I'm liking him more and more. He has some really funny lines, and his development is REALLY good.

I think it's super interesting that ACE, who everyone believes is dumb and rude and unable to take criticism, is letting himself be called stupid for the sake of being declared innocent. It really shows how his character is more than just "I'm rude and I hate you all!" DRDTDev, your writing is so good.

Charles' explanation*

Now, I'm split on this part.

For one, I agree that his IQ would not have much to do with how Ace carried out the murder and is irrelevant. However, the whole argument of "Ace rides horses, he is strong!" thing isn't really accurate - in chapter 1, he describes how he never actually practices jockeying.

**also, the acevi fans are in pain. i see you looking at how levi said ace wasnt dumb. I SEE YOU

Non-stop debate with ball of clothes as bullet*

I was WONDERING WHEN THE CLOTHES WOULD COME IN!! Again, I'm not original, so I've seen theories regarding the ball being thrown over the railing. But...the railings pretty high. I don't think you could just throw it.

Bullet is used*

Oh, so Teruko is using the "ball of clothes was thrown" argument? It still seems very high up..

Ace: How could I have thrown it up that high?

Aha, so they are addressing that issue! I'm glad.

Ace tangent*

Again, I'm sorry for having to reduce this AMAZING character development down to a "tangent", but this post is already WAYYY too long.

He definitely has a point, though. Just because he's a jockey doesn't automatically make him the murderer. Just because he's somewhat athletic doesn't mean he could've thrown the ball of clothes.

And, as much as I REALLY don't want to admit this...Teruko's reasoning for siding with Eden was a little shaky. At first, Teruko believed Eden because Eden believed her in the first trial. Adorable, yes, but you could argue that was unfair towards Ace. However, there is definitely concrete evidence against Ace at this point and Teruko is valid for siding with Eden at this point in the trial.

Not to say I don't understand why Teruko sided with her - I totally understand. And she did say she'd keep an open mind. I still love how this was all done - Teruko siding with Eden was a nice touch.

Argument Armament or however the fuck its spelt.*

Wait what?? I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING\??? that AA came out of absolutely nowhere but i am here for it! The art is fantastic as always - i especially love the horse!

Final blow; using a sling shot*

...I'm sorry? What??

OH! THE FITNESS BAND!

I knew it must've come in somewhere! This trial has been so satisfying so far...God I love this fangan.

So, Ace tied the fitness band around the...bar things in the playgroud and flung the ball of clothes up. ...I still don't really get it, but it's definitely better than just yanking it up there!

Teruko, interrupting Ace: SHUT UP, ACE!

...eh? EH??? TERUKO??

Teruko: Do you even understand what this class trial is? Tell me, how do we decide who's the murderer? We determine who lives and dies by a majority vote. YTTD REF?? In other words, the opinion of everyone who *isn't* you.

I...woah. I didn't see that coming. Like, at all. Let's see what else she has to say.

Teruko: Who cares where you stored the water jugs? That doesn't matter. (paraphrased)

Um...I'm pretty sure it matters, Teruko. Though I can see where she's coming from - she wants this trial over with and she thinks discussing minor details is a waste of time.

This line makes you seem like the culprit, but she has protag privileges, so yeah. Just Teruko going off again.

Teruko: The point of the trial is to determine who the killer is, not to determine every single little detail of what happened.

Aha, so I'm correct. She doesn't want to discuss "minor details".

Teruko: It doesn't matter that you're not convinced. It's not going to help you, nor change your fate. No matter how you feel or what you think, nothing will change.

You think that your whining and screaming is going to change our minds? That if you call us all stupid and wrong, we're going to magically decide to not vote for you out of the goodwill of our hearts?

...Okay, so. I think she's projecting here. Again. She knows that screaming wont do anything for him - It never did anything for her. She knows that people vote stop deciding the culprit's you out of the goodwill of her heart - They didn't do that for her.

Maybe I'm reaching, who knows.

Teruko: Come on Ace! Don't you want to live?! Defend yourself!

Oh, she's desperate. She really wants to be wrong here, huh? She doesn't really want him to be a culprit.

Ace: I'm such a piece of shit.

...is that a confession?? IS IT??

Ace: Yeah, you're right. There's no way I'm making it out this trial alive.

Okay this could still be interpreted as him just giving up on trying to find the actual culprit but-

Ace: I killed Arei. That's exactly right.

....OH. I...WHAT??

That...wow. I don't even know what to say! Before this point in the trial, I was kind of suspicious he was an accomplice, but hey...that's a confession for sure!

Ace: I was scared of dying. That's all.

Yeah, I've definitely seen a theory on that somewhere. And it fits his character - But jeez. I'm gonna be sad to see him go.

Ace: I'm fucking terrified of dying! I can't sleep at night because I keep thinking about how I'm going to die young in this goddamn killing game! I didn't want to die!

Ace: Live, and escape this killing game, and go back to my shitty life where I can't do anything on my own because I can't control myself.

Ace: Back to that life where I can't do anything but a sport that I hate because I suck shit at everything else.

Wow, it sounds like he really didn't think he had any way of enjoying life, whether in the killing game or not. I feel so bad...We knew from Chp. 1 that he was quite the scaredy-cat, but to make that a motive into killing? Like...I'm not sure what to say. /pos The character development is SO good though I am HERE FOR THIS!!

J: So what? Get over yourself.

...J?

J: Murder is unacceptable, no matter what.

Oh! I see what's happening! This is a super interesting way for a character to think. This makes me think that sometime later on, a murder will be done on accident in some way, (maybe by herself - THAT would be a twist for sure) but she still refuses to forgive the culprit. I really love J getting character development!

Ace: Arei…she was a piece of shit too. Just like me. Eden if she said all that nice bs to Eden, there was no guarantee she was actually going to change. (paraphrased)

…Ow. “Piece of shit” really is becoming the new “Good person”, huh? /hj

And, I suppose Ace is right in that there wasn’t any way to tell if Arei  *was* going to change for certain - But I think she was genuine!

Ace: But at least she (arei) was trying. And I can’t change even one thing about myself. Not my shitty job, nor my shitty personality, nor my shitty life.

OH OKAY OUCH AUGH. This…is painful. Here’s my (not very good) interpretation of this:

Ace doesn’t trust that people will be able to change. Sure, there’s a chance - but no guarantee. However, he applauds Arei because at least she was trying to be better. He thinks it’s pointless for him to try to be better - everything bad in his life, he cannot change. And that scared him, and that is what led him to murder.

“...” said by Levi and Nico*

Wow, going to the two people who have the most to do with his character right after he says that is crazy. /lh 

But yeah, I can’t even imagine what was going through their heads… The person who reprimanded them for killing others (and in Nico’s case - trying to kill him) actually ended up being the killer of Arei - and intended to kill everyone in order to escape the killing game. It sure must be a lot to process, huh?

Ace: Just vote me already! Put me out of my damn misery!

…Damn. This really hurts… 

He’s obviously terrified of dying. He probably wants it over with. He doesn’t want to wait in anticipation for his death. He just wants it over with…I feel SO bad.

Teruko: Before we do that, allow me to go over the case one more time, to confirm we all understand this murder.

Ace: Why? Why do you have to remind me of the fucked-up shit I did? I already feel like crap. I don't... I don't want to think about what I've done. Not now, nor ever.

Ah, so there’s also guilt involved. I mean, of course he’d feel guilt - but he probably felt killing Arei and escaping the killing game was his only option, excluding death.

Teruko: …

Teruko: Sorry, but it has to be done.

AGH. Teruko feels bad for having to make him relive his murder…dangit this cast makes me ILL /pos

Teruko: Confront the mistakes you've made. Then accept death. That's the fate of everyone who chooses to participate in this killing game.

I meannn…she isn’t wrong. But I still feel horrible for Ace.

**Closing argument**

Oh cool!!! Here we go - I can’t wait!

GIRLKISSERS!!! oh, and ace ig. /j

This is probably my favourite cg from the closing argument. It’s just….Idk. Arei’s expression is sort of funny to me.

The way Arei’s hanging body appeared in the middle and lifted up slowly…that was disturbing. But in a really, really good way. DRDTdev is super creative with these closing arguments!

Cut her free…with what, exactly??

Also, Teruko calling the carousel a spinner is hilarious to me. Not even a spinny thing anymore - just a spinner.

I burst out laughing at this cg…because I DIDN’T EXPECT HIM TO BE UPSIDE DOWN??? I giggled a lot at this, it’s really not that funny - but I didn’t expect him to go full monkey style in order to tie the rope.

And…there it is. Sorry folks, but I really doubt Ace isn’t killer after getting the “trial close” screen and the…end of closing argument cg??? Thing??? I have no clue what it’s called. 

Wow, this episode was a rollercoaster ride. I love love love love LOVED it. I can’t wait for the next one!

Before this episode, I really didn’t like Ace. At all. I just found him annoying. But DRDTdev did his character arc SO well - he’s really grown on me! Now time to see him get executed…oh.

Also, I realise I forgot to comment on the new cgs,,, whoops. They’re all super good though - I LOVED Teruko’s.

Anyway, I think that’s all….this took SO incredibly long lol. I don't really know what to say in order to end this post. So. Yeah.

[writingquestionsanswered]

hi! me and my co-writer ans in the planning phase. we dont how to end out story. its an abrupt ending, when tension an high and we dont know how to pick that moment or how to create that moment. thanks!

Stuck on Cliffhanger Ending

Even if your story has a cliffhanger ending, the story still needs to follow basic story structure:

Through the setup and rising action, you make numerous promises to your reader by laying out threads and posing questions. The climax and falling action should resolve the main conflict, and the resolution allows you to tie up most of those loose threads and answer most of those unanswered questions.

Cliffhanger endings happen during the denouement, at a crucial moment when a significant question or plot component is about to be resolved. Again, you want the main conflict to be resolved and most of the loose threads to be tied up, but this particular unresolved component will be something that won't ruin the story if it isn't answered right now (or ever). Usually, the answer is just about the be revealed when something surprising, shocking, or suspenseful happens to interrupt it. To figure out a good cliffhanger moment in your story, you first have to figure out your purpose in having a cliffhanger. Are you trying to draw the reader into reading the next book? Or are you simply trying to end with a gut punch?

If you’re just looking for a gut punch (with or without a coming sequel), look for an unanswered question that doesn’t need to be answered in order for the story to be resolved. For example, maybe one of the story’s many questions was the parentage of your orphaned protagonist. If the identity of the parents isn't crucial to understanding the story, and if you've already laid out options, you could have the character in the process of finding out when someone bursts through the doors and makes an important announcement. If you're going to have a sequel, it could be an announcement that sets up the conflict of the sequel... like that the antagonist they just vanquished has escaped the dungeon and taken refuge in the mountains. If you're not going to have a sequel, you would want it to be something that doesn't ignite a new story that will never be told. For example, maybe the protagonist is just about to open a book that reveals who their parents are, and then someone bursts in and says, "You've got visitors!" When the protagonist asks who it is, the character says, "Your parents..." Those are good gut punches. They'll leave your reader reeling, speculating, and wishing for more, but you're not leaving anything crucial unresolved.

Another example would be when your characters have spent the whole book fighting and triumphing over an alien invasion, and after all of the mourning, celebrating, and rebuilding, your character goes to bed one night, turns off the light, and hears the telltale hiss of one of the aliens. Again, GUT PUNCH! Is there really an alien left alive? Is it going to hurt or even kill the protagonist? Does this mean the fight’s not over? Does it mean the fight is really just beginning? There are lots of questions, but the answer could just as easily be, “It wasn’t really an alien, it was the wind. Or, it was the air conditioner turning on.” So, you’re not leaving the actual story unresolved. Your protagonist isn’t dangling off the edge of a building when the last sentence ends.

If you’re trying to draw the reader into reading the next book, you generally want to end with a new or re-stated question… and I don’t mean a question that you literally ask. I mean a question that the reader will ask themselves based on whatever you’ve laid out. For example, the reader might think, “The protagonist defeated the evil king in this battle, but the evil king is still out there. Will the protagonist be able to defeat them once and for all?” Or, it could be a new question that’s presented during the resolution. Like, maybe the protagonist defeated the antagonist in this big battle, but at the end, during the big celebration, a message is delivered to the protagonist letting them know the antagonist has struck again, in a new place this time. And your protagonist tells another character to gather the rest of the team. The reader is left with the question, “Where did the antagonist strike and what was the result? How will the protagonist respond? What will happen next?” Again, nothing of the main conflict is left unresolved. That’s a successful cliffhanger ending. :)

Happy writing!

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[rilakeila]

tyler galpin x reader where he continues to trick her even after revaling himself for wednesday at the police station? just begging for some angst !

when he has nickels for every time he manipulates someone from the addams family. he only has two nickels, but funny it happened twice..

word count 2.05k | pairing tyler galpin x reader | show wednesday (netflix) | warnings manipulation, unhealthy relationship/situationship(?), don’t romanticize stuff like this, minor implication of suggestive content, but like rlly it was just making out | author's note i think my stack of scenarios that have to do with tyler, it’ll be called something like tyler-tinted glasses or something like that. | character notes reader has the power to be able to play the past memories of hers and anyone’s as long as she puts her mind to it in front of her and visible to anyone in the room, like if u watched anastasia, when the past memory of dance during once upon a december. she can pause a memory and inspect much more deeply for hints about something. she also doesn’t like doing it to someone else’s memory due to invasion of privacy | i dont write angst well lol

—HAPPINESS is what you thought you would be feeling. well, it has been what you have been feeling for the past couple of months. that was until you realized that your barista crush happened to be two-timing with your cousin. with wednesday’s lack of being in touch with her romantic feelings or whatever feelings she was having, you had no idea what was going in her head until she acts upon something. it explained the nights with the unresponsive texts and no shows from tyler. even if he would reassure you the next day that he was just busy studying or taking closing shifts at weathervane, there was just something not right. 

funny enough that you trusted him enough to take his word. there was no reason to not trust him, usually comes through in every date planned for the exception of the standups. staring at the ceiling of your dormitory room, the blank ceiling started to form words taunting of your own thoughts. your mind swallowing the ability to think straight about whether the feelings that developed between you both were true. you knew yours were true, barely letting many people come through. there was something about tyler that just connected with you. yet, he also connected with the one person who shows no interest in anything or anyone, for that matter. maybe, he can be some psychopath that somehow gets through two addams family members. 

remembering all of the many sleepless nights as you wondered why he would be gone. maybe him being the hyde was the truth on why he skipped out on dates. you always went through your recollection of memories in your bed. you vividly remember when tyler missed a late night sneak out the first time, the cold shoulder that you had given the morning of at weathervane. no text message as to why he missed it. the reassurance that his father was still awake in the midst of the night and could not leave to avoid suspicion. you simply nodded, understanding as he slid you your favorite drink and pastry while sitting in front of you on his break. knowing that his last words from that memory was “i’ll make it up to you. tonight, i promise.”

watching from your bed, knees curled up to your chest, no clue as to why you felt so… upset. he apologized. the next was not him missing, more so just acting out of the ordinary. the usual movie date in the crackstone crypt was just a common occasion of your late-night sneak outs. his phone had starting ringing, usually it would not be an oddity for someone to call at a such late night. he paused the movie, saying that he had to answer the call. maybe it was an important call, and you did not stop him. bits and pieces were only heard about meeting at some place with an unknown female caller ending with a ‘bye, love you.’ confusion written all over your face. never once in whatever type of relationship you had, “love you” was not said at all. you never heard him say that, not even to his dad when he bid tyler a goodnight when heading off to bed during your facetime calls. confronting him about what he had said out of curiosity, and he replied with ‘you misheard, i said see you. it was one of my classmates from that group project.’ it was followed with a kiss. though with the time built together, tyler easily reads the expressions of your eyes and eyebrows. relief not settling with you after his reassurance. but he knew what to do, he knew you enjoyed the affection from him. he cradled you in his arms as he continued the movie, occasionally making jokes about the horrendous quality of the movie and giving small pecks, eventually capturing your lips into his and melting any curiosity left that ran through your mind. his last words ended with “you’re the only one i want, i promise.”

so many promises that you continued to realize, too dazed about how he made you feel. how he adored you. how he understood you. but you missed all the warnings. though there is one collection of memories that stood out from the rest since it was the beginning of your trust in hin hanging on the line. waiting restlessly as you waited for tyler at your chosen date night spot which was hanging out in the storage room of weathervane, you eyed your phone seeing that it was an hour past. you figured to go back to nevermore, seeing that he was never going to show. if he was late, he would never be late past 5 minutes. upon reaching your dormitory, thing was slowly tapping on your desk, awaiting upon your arrival.  eyeing the sides of the space, taking a seat in front of him, you watched him retell what just happened; something about enid, tyler, and wednesday checking out the gates mansion. ‘thing, you know how I feel all about this.. monster hunt. if wednesday wanted me to come, she would have asked. tyler would have said something, too. don’t give me that attitude, thing. there’s nothing up with tyler. sure sure..’

you watched yourself turn towards your closet before watching thing crawl off wherever he wanted to be. thing was right, there was something untrustworthy with tyler. if there had to be one person you really could trust, it was thing. you sped through the memory, resuming the next day when tyler facetimed you, well attempted to facetime you as you found refuge in crackstone’s crypt. ignoring his countless calls, you watched the streamline of text messages flooding in from him with apologies and asking you to pick up your phone. additionally, enid was texting you about how crazy wednesday truly was and ranting about her feelings, something along the lines of what went down. thing was too busy conversating about tyler and wednesday including what may be some sort of relationship they had, only for him to stop and quickly crawled away.

engulfed into a warm embrace from behind, tyler’s head dropped into your shoulder. you watched as you tried to push away, knowing that you never wanted to and enjoyed the warmth. yet, you were disappointed. and he knew. he knew why and he knew how to fix it. he knew how you would come crawling back with knowing what to say and the endless amount of physical touch. face burning and heart racing as you raced through the memory, knowing that the scattered kisses across your neck was followed with another empty promise, ‘i promise I love you, just you.’ the words calmed you, and the wavering trust died with the curiosity, knowing that he loved you and only you. and which the memory ended with thing being scarred and ensuring to give him endless amount of his favorite hand lotion and massages.

though, you really should have listened to thing, perhaps you would not have had caught the two at crackstone crypt in what would have been your own date with tyler, giving her the same picnic with a movie date night idea, designed with the fairy lights and the old cinema. though, your timing was impeccable as you hid around the corner, seeing that his dad and few of his police coworkers got there first. that was the first time you had truly started avoiding tyler, but you also avoided wednesday, then again, it was a rare occasion of seeing her unless she needed your help with something such as rushing over when thing was heavily injured.

you have avoided them both until wednesday banged on your door, explaining what her vision about tyler had entailed. you listened and agreed to help her out, but it was just to see if she was correct. she also did not leave the details out that she had kissed him since it was what sent her into her vision. you did as she asked, and you knew what she was going to do. just as stubborn as she is, you knew you could not prevent whatever she was going to be doing. chaining him to the chair, you wanted to stay and see if this was the truth. but you couldn’t. 

“whatever you do with him, don’t kill him,” and you left, heading to your dormitory. your thoughts were running as fast as your heart was the entire way back. dreadfully entering your room, you could not lay on your bed. pacing around the room, you wanted to yank your cousin’s hair out. why couldn’t you stop her? feeling anxious, the vibration of your phone alerted you. quickly reaching into your pocket, you read the messages from bianca,

wednesday is getting expelled i heard. tyler’s dad didn’t press charges.

since the previous night and bianca’s texts somewhat calming you down, you were pacing in the morning in your favorite spot within the woods, seeing that wednesday has been expelled. principal weems forbade you the night before to communicate with your cousin, preventing any plans that potentially follow through since you did help wednesday chain him up. you were in the nicer part with a random bench you found with tyler, you usually sat down and read a few books until you needed to head to class or your extracurriculars, but for now you could not. a branch snapped and you turned around, seeing tyler. you halted in your paces, not knowing whether to hug him or scream at him. so, you stood there, waiting for him to say something.

but he didn’t. he came closer and you knew what he was going to do and took a step back.

he scoffed, “you believe her, don’t you?”

you didn’t, but what about the times he missed, the mystery person, what about all of the unanswered questions. there was nothing rather questionable about tyler. what you perceived, he was a normie or so, you thought. wednesday presented his mother’s files to you, which pointed that there was a possibility that he was not as normal as he made himself seem to be. he was sweet. caring. observant. attentive. all he wanted was the best for you, just as you would want for him. you know you were safe in his hands.

he stepped much closer than before, closing the gap between you both. tyler enlaced his left hand with yours, using the other to tilt your face to look at him. you wanted to use your power, look through his memories to settle it all, but that breaks all the trust that you would have with yourself. you looked at him, face full of adoration mixed with concern.

“but i know you kissed her. you took her on our picnic night at the crypt. i saw your dad, letting you both go. plus, you left me several times and gave me empty promises. what about those? and.. and that phone call during that night in the crypt.” you tried to not meet his eyes, but his grip was strong, making sure you maintained eye contact with him. 

“that was nothing. the kiss, she’s crazy. sure, i saw her at weatherhaven, but she’ll make anything up. just as she tried to pin the monster on me. and i assure you this is not an empty promise,” he cradled your face with both of his hands. “i just wanted to show her a good birthday, you know how she reacted during the surprise one we did with everyone else. you are mine and i promise that i am yours.”

he gives your forehead a kiss, sealing the promise. just as it usually happens, relief washes through your body, finally being able to settle. and as every time he will always hug you, knowing that he is there and will be there.

the overthinking dies down. tyler was and is perfect. he understands you and loves you just as you are. everyone messes up, and that is okay. he holds you, caresses your back, just as he does when you are having a session when you question him and his undying love for you. a monster cannot love. but tyler can. and he can never do wrong.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey cas, so this just happened and im so pissed abt it.

So me and my brother both have tumblr right. When he first got it i was the one who helped him set it up bc i convinced him to get it. I asked to follow him and he was fine with it and i told him specifically not to follow me or look at my posts bc anything i put on tumblr i either tell him, show him, or dont want him to know. He didnt follow me bc hes a pretty good brother (if this somehow gets back to him, i didnt say that).

Anyway, today i was talking to him about my tumblr with my dad in the room, and he asked what my tumblr username was. I said i dont remember its just a keyboard smash (its not. But i put stuff on here about my sh and things like that. Plus i talk about me being gay and my dad thinks me talking about being gay at all is "making it my whole personality") he said he didnt like that i was "keeping secerts" like what?? So he was a bit annoyed and then my brother a little while later showed me something on HIS tumblr (an out of context comment that i knew the context of) under the table (it wasnt bad we were just doing something else with our family and he didnt want to draw attention to it) my dad got annoyed and asked to see it and then started looking through all of my btlrothers notes (this could genuinely have been a mistake. My brother was accessing the comments from all of his notes and my dad pressed back thinking it would take him to the post the comments were on) then my mom asks to see it and i offer to put it to the post but instead of wanting to see the post she goes to my brothers account. She started going through EVERYTHING his posts, his LIKES, his dash, his messages (he luckily didn't have any, but she tried) his following, and then she went through their accounts. She saw he reblogged the amtrack official and started going through that account. All while my brother was begging her to give him his phone back (not because he had anything secretive but because this was WEIRD) plus she kept laughing at certain things she thought were 'cute' like how his description is something funny about how times new roman is the best font. Then she went through his notes where i was a frequent liker and had commented on a few posts. I even reblogged one and said "hey this is my brother check him out he's funny" and i was terrified she would start doing the same with my account which is fucking terrifying to me bc of what i post and the she would ask to see everything else bc my posts are way more 'concerning' than my brothers.

It felt like such an invasion of privacy bc tumblr is literally anonymous, and that's part of the appeal for my brother and me.

Im worried to show her memes on my dash now. Im worried to show her things that excite me or a tumblr i was planning on making about my baking that i wouldve showed her the entire thing, but then she would probably get to my main account somehow. Idk it felt so weird and wrong, and she was laughing while me and my brother were very obviously upset by it.

I can definitely see why you were upset. THis is like a parent reading a diary, it's not okay at all. You deserve privacy, especially since you didn't do anything wrong! Like it's not like she found out you were doing something illegal and searched your phone for that reason. It's frustrating, because when parents do things like this it makes kids not trust them.

If you feel like you have the relationship with her to tell her it upset you, you should tell her that. But if not, then just know that I think you have a right to be upset. <3

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

📓

hi you are literally my favorite fanfic author and I love your writing and characterizations so much!!

Hiii thank you, you are too kind!! I’m so glad you like my works!!

(Also if y’all have preferences as to fandom with this ask game let me know. If you’re not on anon I usually try to figure out what fandom you’re following me from so that way you aren’t getting a response about a fandom you’re not a part of but if you have a request from a fandom I’ve written for before I’ll do my best to pick an unwritten fic from that fandom. Absent direction we’ll go with Jujutsu Kaisen for this one since I’m hyper fixated on that right now)

Fic where Fushiguro is unleashed into junpeis school like an invasive super predator.

Yuuji accidentally sees Junpei’s cigarette burns from the bullying while he’s hanging out at his house. And he’s instantly like Come To Jujutsu High This Is No Longer A Murder Investigation It Is Now A Recruitment You Are My Boy Now And Forever Ijichi This Is Junpei Hes Getting In The Car Too Junpei You Are Getting In The Car Too and he gently kidnaps junpei away to the school. He's so damn nice about the kidnapping that everyone cooperates with it. He's just that lovely of a guy.

Nanami: I’m sorry did you not only tell our prime suspect about the investigation but also bring him with you to the school

Yuuji: you don’t have all the facts

Nanami: which are?

Yuuji: I love him

The thing is that Yuuji sweeping him up to the school with him butterfly effects it so that way they discover sukunas finger before his mom is killed by a curse. This also means that Mahitos in the wind and they’re still trying to lure him out. Gojo and Nanami think that Junpei as bait will work, but Yuuji refuses to let him go back to a school where he’s getting hurt alone That’s His Boy Now.

At this point Gojo decides that he can instigate the funniest deep cover mission of his career and says that fushiguro is PERFECT for this job.

He will not explain why.

Yuuji, bouncing with excitement: what do I say to him I haven’t seen him since I got my heart ripped out and died in front of him

Junpei: wait what

Yuuji: I’m so excited

Junpei: go back to the heart thing can we go back to the heart thing

Fushiguro is pulled for a deep cover mission and gets the fun, confetti filled surprise that it’s with his dead best friend.

There’s a lot of shouting.

He refuses to do anything until Kugisaki is brought in too and told yuuji is alive, are you fucking kidding.

There is more shouting.

Now all three of them are going undercover in Junpeis school as a protection detail, ostensibly against mahito but really, it’s because of the bullies. Yuuji has Marked Them For Death. That’s His Boy Forever And Always. He’s only known Junpei for a day but if Anything Happens To Junpei He Will Kill Everyone In This Room And Then Himself.

and so the Junpei Protection Squad is born.

THEIR PLAN IS THUS:

They don’t care about their records. This is a deep cover mission. They go to fucking wizard school. They’re taking junpei in the divorce. There are no consequences for their actions. They can and will cut loose over his safety.

If anyone so much as looks at him weird Yuuji and Kugisaki will descend on them like vengeful gods and kick their fucking ass.

Meanwhile fushiguro will remove junpei, who they’re so happy is here junpei we’re all SO HAPPY you’re in the squad now, from the situation and summon a dog for him for love and happiness. Junpei Fushiguro can summon dogs at will they know it’s the sickest fucking power ever it’s so cool.

That’s it that’s the plan there are no further details to the plan.

The thing is while Fushiguro is the angry emo child of them all, he’s also weirdly the politest of them all? Like, if they’re taking down a purse snatcher, yuuji and Kugisaki are the ones wrestling them to the ground while fushiguro is politely returning the bag. They dont think he has it in him for delinquency. he's just a polite dude even if he's an angry one. he's very organized. he reads nonfiction for fun. he's not a delinquent. He will be in charge of leaving the scene with Junpei so he doesn’t have to become a Delinquent like them.

Fushiguro, who has figured out that gojo pulled him for this mission because he was the most notorious delinquent for thirty miles in middle school: *sweating*

THE ISSUE IS THUS:

Kugisaki and Yuuji are bad at this

They are completely inexperienced in delinquency and it shows

Dear fucking god the incompetence

What do you MEAN you threw down the gauntlet to some bullies and then let junpei go to the bathroom ALONE

Oh god he has to do everything around here doesn’t he

Junpeis trying his best. He actually feels really weird about this all. On one hand he has friends and is going to wizard school after this? On the other hes the embodiment of an angry schnauzer and doesn’t vibe with being a princess in a tower. But also he’s cornered by like five guys twice his size and doesn’t have a huge amount of options to defend himself. This is when the Squad arrives.

The thing is that one of the bullies cornering him presently was a bully in Fushiguro's middle school, for all of ten minutes, because Fushiguro kicked the ass of every bully in the area and forcibly installed his own regime of peace like an angry sea urchin. The reaction of seeing Fushiguro here, with him well within punching distance, while he's fucking with someone who is apparently a personal friend of Fushiguro Megumi is around the kind of reaction that someone would have during the Resurrection when 72 hours previous they were the guy holding the hammer and nails. he apologizes profusely, cries hard enough to pass out, and has to call his mom to come pick him up. He immediately drops out of that school and is never heard from again.

It makes an impression.

Yuuji: :o

Kugisaki: :o

Fushgiuro: *sweating* we're late for math

This basically is enough on its own to signal a struggle for dominance within the school's bully hierarchy that fushiguro doesn't actually want to be a part of. The sister he never once mentioned before this moment is going to be sad at him if she finds out he did this again. he's trying not to do this again. his sister will be SAD.

But also his delinquent instincts run deep and he succumbs before lunch is over. Fuck it he's returning to his delinquency days and taking over the school. Kugisaki stop filming this.

And Yuuji and Kugisaki would help but somehow it was decided by the rumor mill that they + junpei were Fushguro's mob wives (Yuuji Climbed On Top Of Him and pressed his forehead directly to fushiguro's and said "fushiguro fushiguro what are they talking about what did you DO to them" and everyone decided that he had to be a mob wife to not get his ass kicked for this and Junpei and Kugisaki were picked up by the rumor mill due to proximity) and this is quite frankly the funniest fucking thing that's ever happened to them. actually you know what? YES. they are his mob wives. they are each other's mob wives too. They're living a slice of life student anime bliss while fushiguro is getting in fights behind the school three times a day minimum. they love being mob wives. there's so much power and so little effort and endless potential to tease fushiguro with. they're taking videos for future blackmail.

Of course Mahito eventually has an entire attack, but he puts his filthy bitch hands on fushiguro and sukuna immediately rocks his shit so hard that the curse is simply Blitzed in a matter of seconds.

and then Sukuna has to cover up the fact that he's willing to protect fushiguro so he pretends that this is just a capricious whim because Mahito was annoying and has to save everyone to cover it up. He can be helpful sometimes. Ohhh look at him he's soooo helpful you know what just shut the fuck up and be grateful. he hates all of you.

Kugisaki: so are we going to talk about it

Fushiguro: under no circumstances no

kugisaki: okay but that was WEIRD right

Fushiguro, hasn't been this distressed since the last time he had to deal with sukuna: stop talking about it

Junpei, who no one told about sukuna, has had a long day: sorry who was that. why did he rip off his shirt.

[angelpuns]

meh, its ok he honestly feels like a cousin, im not planning on telling my family that because yikes....

jd does have older sibling syndrome just like raph, they might bond. over what i dunno. lol that would be a weird cross over. pfft, poppy trying to cheer up all the tutlres after the krang invasion offering them all hugs. raph would freeze since shes so tiny compared to him

this might help, though cricket does live alone in thw woods, cause the timeline is a little confusing. the bergens find the pop trolls and puts them in the troll tree. then the brozone break up happens, but they also dont make any known references to having been in the troll tree with the burgens. thats whats confusing about it. from there its kinda easy, grandma rosiepuff gets eaten, when i think branch is 7 (thats how old he looks but troll age is weird). acually now that i got this far no. no the timline is so fucked. because they used 20 years for both the brozone break up and the trolls escaping the bergens.

welp... scrap that. cricket can make friends with the creatures that live in the woods, if youve seen the cartoons theres tons of animal type creatures. like puffilo, theyre basicly sheep. bugs definitely should make animal comparisons. definitely gives off the vides of like gardening and has shelfs filled with herbs and plants. has like scrapbooks with how to make potions, not for bad things. and this kinda stuff is how he keeps his cool and feel less alone.

-🤖

SOBBBSSSS IM IMAGINIGN THEM DISCUSSING IT RN OKAY WAAA

Sorry for the late response btw, i've just been busy ;-;

Oh he ABSOLUTELY tries to make friends with anything and eveything. I think since he didn't turn grey it was more of the genre change that was the visualization of like- lonliness and stuff, since bug's no longer a pop troll :D

Also Cricket does eventually go back, sort of like the brozone situation, but I'm not sure how it will play out :/ everybody probably thought it was dead tbh since no one heard anything from Cricket since he left ://// exept maybe Floyd LMAO

I imagine he'd try and visit at least once cause them being friends is imposrtant to me LMAO

also you're right the timeline is so fucked up but I'm not even mad cause this movie has been the best one so far i don't even care that it completely screwed the timeline over LMAO

Sorry I'm rambling btw I'm real tiered I just wanted to answer this cause I had mor troll stuff to post

[walpu]

so for her name, i went with the animal breeds because i originally planned to flesh out her planet a little bit more and establish an almost animalistic society within, where the main species was like the foxians with long life spans and animal qualities like ears and tails. so calico was named after her hybrid species, a calico cat. she originally had ears and a tail and i scrapped it for a little while but now im bringing it back because i am cringe but i'm free.

tabby was named as a parallel, another cat breed, but also different at the same time. since she was a replica of calico *without* the wounds and mental scars, she's almost like an idealized version of calico. tabby is almost everything that calico could have been, and yet failed to be.

so there's calico and tabby, the latter being a replica of the original. and her older sister's name was corgi, the dog breed. i've decided on a last name for them but i don't think i'm gonna reveal that juuuuusssttttt yet. i mean, calico herself doesn't even know about her last name. her sister's baby's name was going to be lykoi, which is another cat breed and her sister's husband's name was going to be shepherd, a dog breed, but ultimately i decided not to name either because it felt like too tiny of a detail to share in a dream.

so calico doesn't hate the ipc, unfortunately. they were the ones who ultimately found her on her dead planet, and then they took care of her when she was in that coma, and then even after while she was recovering. unfortunately, most people within the ipc were just mostly curious about her state of being and not actually caring about what happened to her. she'd been exposed to a stellaron burst for over 200 years and lived on a desolate planet with virtually no food or shelter and no human interaction ( aside from,, well the aeon but does nanook even really count at this point ? ) she was far, far too interesting of a study.

you can imagine how she felt being poked and prodded and tested every single day while she was in recovery, and there were definitely some invasive screenings done that she definitely didn't enjoy, but as long as the doctor's said that they were required, she didn't question them all that much. who was she to question who saved her life ? why would she ever think about why these tests where done when they were telling her it was because they needed to properly understand her to help her ?

regardless of how friendly or not friendly she is with the ipc, she enjoys her job at the planetary protection division, and it brings her solace knowing that she could be saving someone in her exact predicament with each world that she steps onto. what she doesn't know is that her offers for help dont come from for free for these planets, and she's usually got a member or two of the strategic investment department there to handle the business side of things while she got her hands dirty and actually helped the planet recover from their crisis. sometimes these planets are able to pay for these services, sometimes they get put on a loan plan, it really just depends on how the planet was fairing. her job is to be those people who offered the ipc's assistance to belobog which gave them some of their technology but ultimately almost got them in serious trouble if it weren't for topaz and the trailblazers.

oh she absolutely compares tabby and corgi subconsciously. calico doesn't remember anything about her sister or her life before she woke up with the ipc, but her body does. sometimes she'll find herself longing for something, missing something that she can't grasp. maybe a lost memory, maybe a lost person. that feeling only grows when she's around tabby, someone who's so much like her its scary. corgi was a loud and opinionated person, and she didn't shy away from saying what's on her mind, often embarrassing calico in the process, exactly like tabby. i kind of want tabby to be like corgi in some ways, and like calico in other ways, something that unnerves calico.

tabby reminds her of someone that she can't remember, giving her a longing sense of deja vu. ratio does too, to be fair. not only did she know him from her past when he went to school at veritas prime, but in her original story, i had planned for her to be on that flight when the stellaron burst because a man had gone missing, and she was the only one who hadn't given up looking for him. that man wasn't ratio, but he was someone like him. intelligent, a little tsundere and mean, but ultimately he cared for the good of the world. calico sees this man that she had been trying so hard to find in ratio, even if she doesn't know it herself. her past will always catch up to her.

ultimately i want her to find peace. but whether that peace is a long life or.... a shorter one, i haven't decided yet. on one hand, i find it almost cruel to kill her within any story plot simply because she's survived for so long, and it would feel like all of that was for nothing just for her to die. on the other hand, she struggling internally with a lot of problems. her body is scarred, her heart is scarred, and she can't recall any memories of who she was. she had to build her personality up from scratch, while dealing with recovery and invasive testing from the ipc. her entire life for a long time became centered around her lost memories and her wounds, and that's still very much prevalent in her life, although she doesn't talk about it much.

if you look at her, you wouldn't think that she had gone through anything. she's bright and cheerful most times, with a ' we can always find a way ' attitude who's always willing to push through any obstacles to find the way forward. but those are her coping mechanisms for her heart inside. i think its mean to say it, but i think she was almost cheating death by surviving, and i think cheating death will never go right in the end. eventually its going to catch up to her, and she wont be ready when it does. she's lived a long life as a long life species, but it can always be cut short.

im torn between two options for her end :

1) nanook's power comes to her aid when she's on her last leg, but tapping into the emanator's power that had laid dormant within her tears her body apart. she'd gone through too much and her disposition was too weak to unleash such a power, and she just couldn't hold on anymore. it's a physical manifestation of everything coming out at once, and its not pretty. she dies within ratio's arms, her run towards death finally slowed down as she reached the finish line. and shes content. she'd lived too long, and too hard of a life to continue any further. she was no closer to happiness than when she started, but.. she felt something akin to happiness when she's in ratio's arms, when he looks at her. its only fitting she dies in his arms, considering he had saved her life once before, he should be there when it ends as well. in this ending, they are not lovers, and she never confessed her feelings for him, but inside, they both knew.

ratio lives knowing that she spent her last moments as happy as she could be. whether that's any solace or not is up for debate. maybe he throws himself into his work, because he could have done more. maybe he grieves her silently, maybe he doesn't grieve her at all, knowing that her pain has finally come to an end.

tabby, in the end, takes her place as the head of the planetary protection division, and picks up the name calico because no one would know the difference between the two of them. well. no one except ratio. she lives as calico, and 'tabby' was the one who died that night, not calico. this isn't the clone taking her life, this is her clone living the life that calico would have wanted for herself. and who knows, maybe ratio could even learn to love the imitation of the woman he lost, too.

2) the happier ending !! but ultimately a little less resolving. she continues her job within the planetary protection division, and makes friends within the ipc. however, the ipc eventually figure out that she has the power of the destruction within her, and they have to make a choice. a lot of people choose to support her from the shadows, like aventurine. other people, however, their loyalties lie too close with the ipc, and they cut her off, like topaz and jade. and they will hunt her down and strike her like an enemy if they see her, even if it hurts. ratio's given the choice, but he declines because he cares about her far more than he had ever cared about the ipc. aligning himself with the ipc was a means to the end, a way to spread knowledge around the world. it was not ever his goal to be loyal to the company, merely to use them for his own means.

tabby stays behind within the ipc, and she takes over as head ( you'll notice this happens with both endings, this is on purpose ) and it causes almost a rift between the people within the ipc. those who stand by calico, and those who stand by tabby. there will be some type of conflict in the end, and one of the girls will lose their lives at the end of the day. the girl who comes out of it.. well

who knows ?

they look exactly the same. they act exactly the same. they are exactly the same, just one has no trauma, and the other is a deeply scarred individual. so who knows at the end of the day which girl came out alive during that conflict, the clone, or the real one ? the ipc issues an official statement that after a thorough investigation, ' calico ' had been cleared of any suspicions of having a relationship with the aeon of destruction, and she's cleared to start working with the ipc again. ratio is obviously distrustful but maybe its better this way ? living in blissful ignorance, sometimes even the doctor of truth knows when to not search for the correct answer. sometimes life is better when you simply dont know something. all he knew was that the girl in front of him smiled warmly at him in the mornings, and she would be there when he came home from work with food on the stove ready for him. and that was enough.

alternative, secret possible ending of the second one : tabby had been the victor of that fight, but calico didn't die. instead, the aeon saved her when she was on her last leg again, but she survived bringing back the power of the emanator. now she's aligned with the shadows as a ghost, watching the world that had condemned her and waiting for its inevitable demise. after all, theres only so much one can go through before they snap mentally.

PLEASE LER HER HEAL

It's very cool that her lore is so detailed!! I'm a huge fan of stories about healing so hope she'll find her peace and survives in the end😭

btw i don't think Topaz would actually cut her off, she doesn't even speak badly about the stellaron hunters so I really don't think her opinion about calico would change, she'll just won't be as open about their friendship. plus i'm still praying for hoyo to do something with Topaz's arc and let her see that she's deluded herself about their good intentions

[volunruud]

the "reasons not to get pregnant/have kids" list is full of misogyny and reasons regarding a mother's physical appearance and her worth (and/or conflating those reasonings). they do not resonate with me at all, as a woman who really doesn't care about how i look necessarily or how my body changes as time goes on.

here is MY PERSONAL list of reasons to not fall pregnant and have children:

pregnancy:

my age. i'm too young.

pregnancy sucks, it's painful, dangerous, and long. *insert most common pregnancy symptoms and issues here* *insert less common pregnancy symptoms here* (yes we have all heard of common symptoms like morning sickness up to more scary symptoms like death so i'm not going to list all those. look up a list of what happens to you during pregnancy and ask expecting mothers if they want to share)

labor. need i say more

surgery. stitches. recovery. pain.

difficult pregnancy. sure i could have an easy pregnancy. or maybe i won't.

the chance of miscarriage.

the chance i'll need an abortion.

pregnancy/labor emotional trauma due to mistreatment (from family, partners, doctors).

money. expenses. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

i'd probably need a c-section which is a whole ass nightmare

subjecting myself to other mother's/people's opinions and judgement regarding literally every single choice i could ever make. "are you doing a hospital birth vs home birth, are you drinking coffee, oh youre not breastfeeding?" etc. i literally hate people and their dumbass opinions so this is a big one for me.

being subject to people touching my belly. and people getting offended when i say no (if they even bother to ask first)

not being able to smoke or drink. i love drinking and smoking. i smoke every day and i don't want to stop.

lacking a "maternal instinct" to the point i don't even believe it's real or it's very rare... i think it's mainly an excuse or justification. or a coping mechanism.

unprompted really invasive questioning. by everyone i know. no matter how well i know them. absolutely dreadful.

i like going to work. i don't want to miss a lot of days or take off for maternity leave.

have to get new clothes and my old clothes probably won't fit after pregnancy. so even more new clothes for after.

being asked if i want a girl or boy. this to me is a really dumb question because the answer is extremely obvious and also i have no control over it

hosting/planning a baby shower for myself sounds like a nightmare. i'm not even gonna think about it. and gender reveals are dumb as hell.

raising children:

constantly being reduced to "just" a mom. this one isn't too obvious but it's little things. like when random people will refer to you as mom or mama instead of your name (this may be a southern thing though).

no sleep

screaming. crying. shitting. vomiting. always cleaning up after someone and it literally never ends.

it takes an astronomical amount of EFFORT and DEDICATION. frankly i'd rather put this energy into video games and my art for the time being.

having to put someone else first. i live life for myself. i put myself first and prioritize my own needs. i don't want to change this any time soon. i love myself and dont want to waste my youth (and money time energy etc etc) caring for a baby/toddler.

if i had a girl: having to constantly defend her from misogyny and body shaming (which is a big concern and something i fully expect from my family). trying to shield her, and failing.

if i have a boy: the fear of him growing up into a misogynist, which i don't think i could fully stop that honestly even though i'd try my best. also comments like "boys are so much easier than girls" piss me off.

having to miss work for my kid if they're sick or anything else.

have to put them in school and go to school meetings and events. picking them up and stuff.

they'll probably have annoying ass kid friends that they hang out with.

no guarantee of unconditional love. no guarantee of cherished memories. that's obviously the hope/goal i guess? but it's not promised to you just because you had the kid and raised it

no guarantee of someone to care for you when youre old. i know several people who consider this a valid reason to have the kid in the first place (and not a mere justification after you fall pregnant "well at least i'll have someone to take care of me!" yikes)

need more time to develop/heal due to my young age and circumstances.

i'd have to rearrange my house or transform a whole room. i like my house and rooms how they are right now.

less time for my cats and work/hobbies

i keep many toxic plants and breakable items. that i want to keep.

the way that it's extremely easy to traumatize a child, without even intending to. it's impossible to avoid. if it's not me it's someone else. with my anxiety i'll just be dreading the day something horrible happens, or thinking too much and doing the wrong thing. idk this includes countless scenarios.

i work with several mothers my age and every day they never stop complaining. i really doubt if anything about young motherhood is rewarding.

in my opinion, the social aspects of pregnancy are worse than the physical issues. like i'd rather do morning sickness than tell everyone 6262646967 times a day when my due date is etc etc etc. it just sounds so miserable. but then again i just kinda hate talking to people. i think it's that i already hate small talk and making conversation with strangers but the additional dialogue about pregnancy and children makes it so much more unbearable. so the fact we're adding in new things to say and for people to ask about? yikessss noooo.

also i would include things like "men objectifying my pregnant body" "men with pregnancy fetish" but i try not to let a man being a piece of shit perv ruin anything for me personally. and i don't think you should either (but if this is a reason for you i think it's valid).

there are many other reasons regarding the father as well. if he abandons you, cheats, doesn't pay child support, is a shit father, etc etc etc. these are extremely concerning and affect so many women and these are major reasons to consider not having a baby and to re-evaluate who you're having children with. but i'm not really including these because i think if these reasons resonate with you personally, you should not be with that man at all. like DO NOT have a baby with him but also don't be with him. because maybe you could happily have a baby with someone else (or be happier with someone else).

like i said this is my personal list as of right now. i'm 23 and don't plan on having kids for a while. so these could change but i'm not going to edit this list. i made this because i need reasons that don't solely revolve around my appearance or tie my worth into my appearance (like a certain other List). i wanted to express that there are so many reasons to not get pregnant that ARENT stretch marks and hanging non-perky tits (both of these things i have anyway so i'm not worried about my body changing how it looks). we CANNOT make it seem like the worst effects of pregnancy and motherhood is a mere few stretch marks!!! that's LITERALLY the least of my concerns.

[notsokatt]

Things about my Fugitoid.

(Hi sorry this took like, a month to throw together. Life got in the way lol but yay Fugitoid! - Also I wanna add more drawings but whatever I'll just post now and add them gradually) Thank you so much for showing such interest in my silly little ninja turtle thing!! It fills me with so much joy!! I hope you guys enjoy traumatized robo child @unscapedgoat @felyas-stuff @rhiefiefie I'd like to preface this all by saying, my whole dumb turtle version or whatever. People are calling them AUs these days? I just took all my favorite things and smashed them together. All of it is just a compilations of ideas that I think are cool. A lot of it doesn't quite make sense. Like "why does a child have access to mind uploading tech?" uhhh because... aliens. And it's cool I guess. yeah there we go. sure. Dont think about it too hard lol

First of all, some things to know about Kraang:

Utroms are highly sensitive to their environments. Their thin skin is very permeable, their bodies practically a mush of exposed neurons. If not under perfect conditions they rapidly deteriorate and die. They live in containers.

Their biggest weakness is aeon crystals, a rare mineral that emits an energy that permeates their armor and reacts with their bodies causing them to disintegrate into green goo (wow I sure wonder what that is). Like salt to a snail.

This green goo is highly radioactive and still dangerous to them. The bodies must be disposed of quickly or else they risk cancers and mutations to their highly sensitive bodies.

The Kraang is a militia of Utroms.

Kraang is at war with the Triceratons. The Kraang are losing the war because the Triceratons have discovered the Kraang's weakness and have gotten ahold of aeon crystals, which they are unaffected by themselves.

However, the Kraang have a plan to surprise their enemy and win the war once and for all. They are building an interplanetary superweapon.

As they slowly dwindle in numbers they send out small fleets to invade specific planets and use the planet as a military base to set up a piece of a super weapon.

The Kraang are low on materials, scavenging for anything they can use to fight and defend and build. Becoming leeches to other civilizations and pillaging any planets that can't fight back.

The Kraang do not care about the planets they are using. In their opinion the planets should be honored by their invasion and thankful for being useful. We all do what we must to survive.

NOW ABOUT FUGITOID.

"Looking through their blinds as a Kraang ship descends right nearby; the upload is complete. They take off the helmet on their head with trembling hands. They don't know where their family is, but they have a good idea of why they haven't come home yet. They don't have any weapons or skills. Even with all their junior tech kits and good grades, one kid can't save something as world shattering as this. So, with a turn of a chronometer dial on their suit, a familiar fuzzy feeling overcomes them, as their body begins to shut down for rest as they do every few days. They go cuddle up in their nest and hold their plushy tight to their chest, petting it's soft head and nuzzling it. As the dizzying haze takes over they close their eyes and their body relaxes. The room turns humid and blisteringly hot. They did their best."

Honeycutt is a nerd of a kid, making inventions in their room and creating little bits and bops. They got a "build your own robot" kit for their hatch day and excitedly put it together before upgrading it and transforming it into their own beautiful creation. Giving it a million little silly features and fun tricks. It was their masterpiece and their favorite thing.

That robot quickly became a blessing and a curse when the Kraang arrived. As they witnessed their home planet be taken over, out of options and alone, they backed up their consciousness to it, surviving the genocide in a strange half-existence sorta of way. Becoming one with their own creation.

They try to run and escape their own planet but are quickly captured by the Kraang. The aliens discover their engineering abilities and durability. So they force them to help build the Kraang super weapon on their own planet and do the dirty work that the Kraang are too sensitive to do. Perhaps they try to fight back and free themselves, maybe they're successful a few times. Maybe they even gave themselves the duty to go out and warn the other planets that are about to be invaded to help prepare them. But sooner or later, the Kraang catch up. And they can do nothing to stop it. Everything they do, everything they try, fails. Over and over. They quickly earned their new name "Fugitoid"

After so many failed attempts to stop the invasions and the super weapon and military bases and all of it. They eventually become jaded and give up. Just giving in and letting it happen as each planet is destroyed and repurposed for a more advanced species.

As the construction of the weapon comes closer to completion, just 3 pieces of the weapon, 3 planets left, they arrive to Earth, the one next in line. Since Earth is a grave dumping site and potentially dangerous for the Kraang, Fugitoid is dropped off to survey the area, collecting samples of the planet's surface and life to prepare for invasion.

Through some crazy hijinks, the turtles meet Fugitoid, perhaps through Casey Jones and his crazy alien speculations. They hang out and be goofy kids together. After a while, the Kraang come to take Fugitoid away and with the turtles already knowing Kraang=Bad (because like, they've already been chased by another single Kraang who is trying to capture them to prove to their higher ups that they could make mutant warriors with the ooze that are immune to Aeon crystals - It's a whole other plotline. Dont worry bout it too hard. The turtles just know Kraang=Bad). The turtles fight and save Fugitoid from abduction. Fugitoid doesn't really try to fight back or help in any way, they're just kinda like "Yeah sure. Ok. Whatever" but they eventually are saved and the Kraang retreat to space.

When Fugitoid is rescued from their capture and is introduced to Earth culture, they can't help but be very detached and numb (kinda like Marvin from hitchhikers guide.) Leo sarcastically asks if all android are so emotionless. Fugitoid explains that they know this world will end thanks to the Kraang. There's nothing anyone on this planet can do about it, so in order to lessen the pain of losing what they love once again, they refuse to grow attached to anything.

But as good friends do, the turtles and the gang try their best to prove that it is safe to care and love, in fact, it is vital to live. They do everything they can to keep them and this planet safe and they try to prove that to them. After many many attempts, Fugitoid finally gives in a tiny bit. Letting themself believe that maybe it really is ok. Their new friends have been quite good at stopping the Kraang from their resource gathering, societal infiltration, and attempts at abduction...

As the story develops and our team learns more about their new friend. It is revealed what Fugitoid has done. All the destruction they have been complacent in, all the deaths they are responsible for, all the danger they have put their planet in. The team is horrified. Raph is furious that Fugitoid even complied with their captors for something so horrible. Leo feels betrayed, like she had put her entire family in danger by welcoming this stranger to her home. Mikey is heartbroken and confused, wondering how they could ever give up on all those people so easily.

Fugitoid, filled with shame and self disgust does what any scared child does, they run and hide.

Donnie is able to track them down using a tracking device she clipped onto them. She finds them and listens to their story. Donnie understands. She is also very limited in her abilities. She is also just a kid. She's not very strong or capable on her own. She doesn't even know what she'd do if she didn't have her family. She relies so heavily on her sisters and her machines, she feels ashamed for struggling to do even the simplest of things sometimes.

She kinda gets what it is like to feel helpless and to just accept it and give up already. In fact, she is already preparing for her own end. She already has plans to create an AI version of herself if she were to ever die. She has been recording her voice for the past few years and compiling it together, both for her own amusement to hear herself talk but also for her records of her thoughts and experiences. It makes sense to give up so easily and just accept your place. It's freeing in a way to let go of control. But. What you have to remember is that you always have at least a tiny bit of influence. No matter how minor.

She concludes that we may not be able to stop the future, but we can still influence it in a better direction. Just like how Honeycutt was able to put their consciousness in another body. It didn't save their world, but it did save them. The destruction of their world and all those other ones would have happened with or without Fugitoid. But now they can try to help at least one world or at least let it keep going a little longer. Fugitoid knows the inner working of the Kraang like no other. They know how to fly ships and hack their coding systems, they know all their big plans and how their weapons work and their weaknesses. Fugitoid is such a vital asset and can do so much more than before. It's not on their shoulders to save an entire planet, but they can still do something. Even if it's tiny. Even if it seems pointless.

Then they join the turtles and have a whole plot arc to fight the Kraang causing enough damage to them that the fleet has to retreat and avoid the planet, les they run out of resources completely, allowing Earth to live for another day. The day they return is unknown, but for now, they can keep living.

Their story explores a lot of survivors guilt. Feeling trapped in your own body. And finding strength and meaning in inevitability.

But as they hang out with the turtles more and get out of all that detachment and apathy they slowly return to being a silly goofy kid who loves to play little pranks, build machines, and have so much sass.

-----------------

Perhaps in later seasons we can explore their identity a bit more, how they can't fully experience the same things that their friends can. How no one truly understands what their home planet is like. What it's like to be the last of their kind but also not even BE their own kind anymore. And of course all the grief of destroying all those planets. God just, lots of trauma in this one.

OH!! maybe we could even have an episode where fugitoids friends come together and try to like, learn about and recreate their home planet a bit from all the stories they told. idk, now I'm just thinking up more bullet points.

Maybe they can connect with metal head or another robot friend. Become robot friends hehe

I know they'd definitely be able to connect with Venus when it comes to that identity thing, how they aren't at all like their old self's anymore due to circumstances out of their control. But at the same time, they're still themselves.

They could also connect to Karai when it comes to having so many regrets in the past and so much grief.

I also see Jennika very much being the cool older sister to them too. Maybe it reminds them of their old family in some way.

Hmm what else. Their pronouns are They/She/It. Um..... Ya I can't think of anything else right now. :D

[boypussydilf]

actually i was going to save this for when i made All Grown Up Now designs for the human kids in sgt frog but idk if/when im actually gonna do that so heres jusyt my random thoughts about what some of them r doing as adults and also maybe some au/oc stuff

transfem fuyuki is SO real to me tbh. when she moved out of the hinata house keroro came with her bc theyre all time best friends and keroro deciding being with fuyuki was more important than staying w the secret base or anything like that. fuyuki lives in like a normal apartment with a convenience store job or smth like just the most average life but she also makes youtube videos where she talks abt the occult, goes over conspiracy theories & even debunks them if smth is really stupid, makes vlogs going to places that r supposed to be haunted or have been visited by aliens or whatever other supernatural thing u can think of. also talks casually in her videos abt having lived with an alien since she was 12 but obviously everyone watching just thinks that’s a running gag. she also miiiiigjt be roommates with mois? bc i think mois would want to go wherever keroro goes but i also dont know how fuyuki would feel about that. i dont know if mois can get a job to help with rent. i think that 10 years in the future mois would still be basically 13 years old.

also fuyuki is a lesbian and has a better chance of figuring out that she likes momoka now that shes got herself figured out more but she has NOT figured out that she likes momoka yet bc fuyuki is dense

transmasc natsumi, also, is so real to me. he becomes both a model and an athlete, bc tbh? i do believe in natsumi’s rights to just kind of be Good At Everything. when he moved out he was like Man! It’s so great to not have to deal with the stupid frog all the time! and then felt like everything was weird and too quiet without keroro around obviously but he is still relieved to not have to deal with shit like. oh all the curtains in the house have been turned into pudding. or whatever. that does still happen sometimes sometimes keroro comes to visit and it can go well or it can go horribly. Dating koyuki, obviously, who is the girlboy of all time and also probably still lives in the same house w dororo and hasnt changed significantly so i dont have anything else to say about him.

I haven’t been able to decide what giroro & kururu do after the hinata kids & keroro move out? Bc it feels kind of weird for them to still just kind of be there at the house when it’s just aki and a no-longer-used secret base. and omiyo i guess. But also what else are they gonna do. If kururu wanted to live w saburo they wouldve done that from the beginning so idk. Maybe giroro does just stay in his tent and kururu stays in her lab.

Some time after anime canon the keroro platoon ends up OFFICIALLY resigning from the keron army or giving up on their mission in a way they can’t go back on or Something to that effect where they’re very up front about not planning to invade instead of lying their way around it. I like to think that keroro becomes like a Space Actor and giroro gets to be a train conductor like he wants but that might be a little while away for them still. However this also means that inevitably a while after THAT keron sends in a NEW earth invasion team because theyve been trying (and failing) to take control of this planet for millions of years they’re not gonna fucking give up NOW. & the new platoon doesn’t necessarily HAVE to take any drastic moves against the keroro platoon but they should make sure the kplatoon doesn’t do anything to interfere…..

I wuz gonna design a whole platoon to be that ^ replacement platoon but i didnt get around to most of them </3 maybe someday. Anyway obviously they all have a power of friendship arc and come around to the side of NOT invading planets. except the leader.

I dont know what momoka & saburo would be doing as adults either </3 Momoka doesnt really have to do anything. shes rich. its not like she needs to take up a career or anything. Actually she probably becomes a martial artist or something? Goes into the business of kicking ass like her mom. Saburo MIGHT keep up the radio show but I think they’d get bored of that but maybe stay in a similar vein, entertainment of some sort. Oh I guess there’s art lmao. I dont know. Saburo has a tumblr blog where they post slightly overdone musings on life and nature and shit.

[plaguery]

5, 10, 11, 16, and 19 for Pomene!

5. How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want?

weeeeell she already crosses multiple lines--against others and against herself-- just to operate as she's expected to; shes been molded basically since she was hatched to be downright invasive and betraying specifically toward her own ruthless caste. so its not much of a stretch for her to go to those same bloody and cruel lengths for her own aims.

what is complicated with her character though is that the idea of "getting what she wants" has been foreign to her for the bulk of her life, so "getting what she wants" has mostly meant changing the idea of what she wants into something that can be achieved through her sanctioned cruelty. what she really wants deep down has had to be suppressed and obscured and that has manifested in a "desire" to hurt herself and others. and ultimately, she finds herself ready to break the world itself to do this.

there are certain lines that she won't cross, even at her worst, but they're situational and few and far between. (the closer you get to her, the more likely there are to be lines that she wont cross but some still very much will be. being evil and rotten is her love language)

10. What's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC?

i cannot think of anything serious so im going to say grocery store au where its the most psychologically unnerving grocery store in the world. so naturally this would be a gentrification organic whole foods chain type store. i dont think she'd work there. but she is just drawn to the miserable aura and feels the call to haunt the fluorescent and unfeeling aisles

11. What is your OC's weapon of choice? Have they ever actually used it?

any bludgeoning weapon. her preference is more for makeshift, 'grab this random item and make it so' type weapons over something like a bat/club/baton that is meant to be used as a weapon. typically, this has been a huge and hefty pillar-like candle holder that she lifts to bash in a head but she can swing it as well.

she Has used it. its kind of her job

16. What is your OC's pain tolerance like?

(this is just her life and she is fine with it. i promise)

pomene's pain threshold is on the lower end but her tolerance is significantly higher through training. basically, you can hurt her but she typically wont react unless you're like. at torture level. it is possible to surprise her with lesser pain though (even if shes not reacting directly to the pain itself), since she's used to having the upper hand. the same applies emotionally.

19. How does your OC behave when enraged?

she has a flattened affect, so rage doesnt really translate to physical expression in expected ways. her rage also tends to mutate into wishy washier feelings. in these cases, she externally appears composed but internally is planning retribution. real, visceral rage is a difficult emotion for her to access and only really occurs once she is pushed to the very last of her limits.

her rage and her pain and her blood are one and the same, intertwined, and she literally lets it consume her and turn her into a monstrous abomination--she is the "revelation", the "whore" and the "beast" in one and the seven trumpets are her droning vengeful cries. i hope this helps <3

heres a pompomcore image to close this out

[bonesandthebees]

trying to put some thoughts together before new chapter (its just what I can get of the top of my head, but most stuff is always in my comments)

finally caught up with glass after summer, it took me quite a while bc im bad at reading emotional stuff, I read a bit, get overwhelmed with emotions, close it, go back, unintentionally skim read forward, get overwhelmed again, go back and try and read it properly, repeat many times lmao

it was so fun to read tho

with them actually having a plan now its easier to realise that the end is getting near, but it still feels like yesterday when glass started

overthrowing schlatt sounds exciting I the more I think about it the more and more scared I get

first off theres obviously the vision, which seems to be happening in the palace and to me is implying that wilbur was supposed to be with tommy and lost him in the chaos

which gets even worse when you factor in tommys curse

and they are very dependent on eret whose character has a reputation with traitors (im betting on them being "afraid" of visions and the fact it wont really gain then anything I can think of, but its always a possibility)

and than we got techno looking at the deathlings and taking that as a reassurment that they wont be kissing any royal asses is making me think if thats true

now in glass most of the deathlings are pretty anarchistic in nature or at least wont settle for not being outlawed anymore

but if you just took a group of outlaws who are trying to survive and had someone make them not illegal anymore there are definitely some that would just take the ability to live normally and not try to fight for anarchy anymore

also not being outlawed doesnt mean people wont discriminate anymore

and ofc as techno is saying theyre fighting government with another government, who knows what position theyll end up in

BUT, all of that doesnt feel like its actually still part of this story, bc this is still wilburs story, not the deathlings'

(not really affecting anything, but what if new people will want to join, thats a possibility, tho I have no idea how that would work)

now im not saying I think they shouldnt do anything (dont think thats even a possibility with the collapse the country is experiencing), closed in the temple and having to steal to survive, always hunted, thats barely living, but it just feels more safe, more familiar, easier (in reality thats me living in denial bc wilbur is safe from being forced into a role in there)

1/2

I don't blame you for falling behind lol glass got very intense the past few chapters and it's totally understandable to need a breather from that. there's a LOT of emotions going on in that fic

ikr it's crazy to me that we're already near the end of glass

yeah this whole invasion plan has a lot of things that can go wrong. the vision, the curse, eret, the deathlings being anarchists- what's it gonna be? something's gotta give lol

the deathlings would be in a very strange spot if the coup goes according to plan and death worship is legalized once again. what will they even be classified as then? because they're not just a religious group, they are an organized political activist (and terrorist) group at the same time and that's not exactly something they're just going to brush aside. but like you pointed out, thats the deathling's story, not wilbur's.

[allsadnshit]

hi izzy im 22 and i have a family history of endo and have been experiencing frightening symptoms and i dont really know who else to talk to in this regard and i hope this isnt rude to send. i am just curious how u went about getting ur diagnosis and what u think are some good first steps for someone experiencing these things. my mom spent a lot of time on a lot of endless painkillers as i was growing up. and im very afraid of reproductive care bc of how archaic it is! love you thank you <3 theres no need to answer if u feel this is too invasive, i appreciate ur time

It's honestly a head start that you already know you have a family history of endo! Although diagnosis is still difficult to get considering surgery is the only official way to get one...you're honestly much more likely to be recommended a surgeon etc if you have your families medical records with it! So that's really good!

Unfortunately I will say for myself and the people I know personally with endo, getting excision surgery wasn't a relief for symptoms as it has often been advertised for some people, so in terms of pain management I don't want to be getting more surgeries myself so I wouldn't tell anyone else too either! That's a pretty personal choice considering risks and recovery, so you will have to think on that pretty seriously if you think excision could help you and make sure you are looking into what the hospitals near you offer.

For myself, diagnosis was really important since I don't have my moms medical records to assist me with understanding my health. I don't think I could be where I am at recovery, management, or socially without having the official diagnosis from laparoscopy so that was really important to me, even though diagnosis didn't do anything for me in terms in qualifying for disability or anything like that! Unfortunately with the medical system you need that paper trail if you plan to do anything in the hospital system in the future, so I am ultimately glad I got my diagnosis even though it hasn't changed things for me in terms of lifestyle or pain.

If you want to start with an obgyn, that's what most people do! And they probably won't let you talk to a specialist before you rule out the basics with getting scans and blood tests first to confirm they can't more easily see why you are in so much pain. But even if your obgyn doesn't help you, you can at least search for a surgeon after that initial intake process being able to say "I already had tests and scans done, it was inconclusive, so I need to move towards surgery for diagnosis".

Obviously I won't have a solution or answer for the broader scope of what to do because even if you do have endo, it's dynamic and can affect people so differently that it really isn't a one size fits all. If anything, I really really do NOT recommend going on any form of hormone or birth control for pain management no matter how hard it's pushed on you. I really don't believe in that method and it's another way to cover up symptoms rather than getting to the root of healing or understanding.

The biggest changes for me have come with lifestyle: changing my diet to healthier less processed options which means not eating out 90% of the time and cooking with really good quality ingredients, getting a nutritionalist who's worked with endo before, cutting back on manual labor working hours, and processing the trauma of chronic illness in therapy and pin pointing places in my life that need my attention or serious over haul for me to rebalance my stress. Stress and endo are soooo tied together because it's hormone effected so it absolutely cannot be overlooked.

Sorry to hear you are suffering in this way! I no longer take any pain medication because of a similar fear. I recommend tiger balm muscle rub lotion on your lower back, getsomedays cramp cream on your front, and a hot rice heating pad on top for pain relief + drink water + sleep well at all costs. It's a marathon not a race!

[haven-gum-rockrose]

My Sigma Playlist so Far (overview)

Abbey by Mitski

he never knew what he was born for- but he looked, and im normal about that

Madame La Mort by newhaven

uh- journey- he was a prisoner with human trafficking ring- basically alone in the world for awhile- the deja vu of joining the decay already knowing how it was going to end

Little Pistol by Mother Mother 

ADA Sigma truther. he likes guns. he is afrightened. he is being used by things much bigger than him. the invasion of the casino- learning he doesnt need to use or be used to live? all spoken in metaphor ofc. 

Oh No! by MARINA

this is more in there cuz theres a lot of specific lines in there that apply but no real broader application 

Pompeii by Bastille

Skyfall- also consistently having to deal with people’s shit. 

Moonsickness by Penelope Scott

loosing sleep to accomplish something. it only lasts a short while, inevitability, things more powerful than yourself, me self projecting, being born by the book - no reason for existing- not actually wanting people to die

Mawce by Everybody’s Worried About Owen

listen- his name is Sigma- how stupid and Pretentious a name can you pick? also theres a lot of different lines in here i can pick out. no real overarching theme tho 

Promiseland - Bonus Track by MIKA

he just wants a home- he tries so hard.. and it doesnt fucking work

Nobody Likes the Opening Band by I’m No Chessman

this guy’s self confidence is almost as bad as Atsushi’s. with more of a doomed tone to it. also the idea of purpose is proposed here so. 

Burned Out by Dodie

being manipulated, failing to win and realizing that was part of the plan. still being valued regardless, just not by the people that could do anything. 

Remember My Name by Mitski

abnormal enough about this that im not summarizing

Hermit the Frog by MARINA

i think this is another where its more just individual lines than overall themes.

Alone With My Thoughts by Noah Floersch

heights... also his slow acceptance of death after realizing he couldnt save the casino 

I Bet on Losing Dogs by Mitski

the dogs is his casino, moving on

One Foot in Front of the Other by Emilie Autumn

listen- i just got really emotion about the fact that he’s still fucking alive - also other stuff but mainly that. theres a lot of individual lines- im abnormal about this. i dont like the song itself tho. 

[letitbelearned]

why didnt i get a job at a cafe before? that was my plan when i left my last job. ive just been a bum the whole time?

i just wanna do what i want. but i also dont know what i want. and then try to combine money plus hobby and then that just keeps me from doing a hobby or earning money lol

i fucking hate the money economy as it is today

also why didnt i do the carpentry classes? before i paid my GA taxes? and a whole fucking year ago? i have a degree in wasting my life

i keep holding myself back because of the flexibility (and now also the regret of not doing it sooner). i can't think of anything with the flexibility that i would want that wouldn't require me to start my own business which basically means turning a hobby into something not fun.

i also am totally letting the perfect be the enemy of the good, zero waste is keeping me from eating, hating the money economy and not being able to take time off is keeping from doing anything omg

why do the people i care about have to be so spread out?

i also want to singlehandedly save the world or something like wtf? i think that just because things should be *completely different* that i can just be stubborn and will it into existence? while im just struggling with the will to feed myself. i dont want this economy, i think it's stupid af. you can't even go off grid and have all your problems taken care of. money is so fucking ubiquitous and shackling.

so im upset that i havent taken any carpentry classes. but i have taken woodworking classes. if i want a job in that. a job meaning allowing myself to do something im not going to really like. i could streamline it. Frames, i learned frames. I don't know them. but that's the one thing i could practice and make "my job" and then just fuck around with everything else. i also took a cabinet/box making class. let's make these two things into something i can hate. and it's not terrible bc it's more outside the stupid economy, it's still working with natural materials, and potentially time for other stuff. like make it a part-time job. Something that we freaking need anyways if we want to get by on our own.

one i make of standard size for practice all the time

can offer custom sizes

try with arundo donax + walking sticks

later: bunny proof bookshelves/cabinets (pre-distressed, or wood that will show minimal damage at the bottom) + cord covers + bunny digging box.

bamboo/donax fence shade

Honestly, i think i just lost sight of fun woodworking projects because ive been needing to do required ones at home.

Stuff im okay making for other people/doesn't define me.

I do think the invasive species are the answer for me. a day job would still be nice since i *still* can't do all this stuff instantly. but i am already supported. so i can set a deadline and work hard. AGAIN this is NOT to be thought of as a hobby. This is personal punishment, not too far removed from my personality, in exchange for money.

(still gotta make the mantle: https://www.etsy.com/listing/987781988/modern-fireplace-mantel-floating-shelves?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=fireplace+mantle&ref=sr_gallery-1-17&sts=1&ret=1&content_source=c3a5239d2839f740c5064f19c733291e5676195c%253A987781988&search_preloaded_img=1&organic_search_click=1)