#i dont need to see him pretending to be autistic ANYMORE!!

[peeps-old-blog]

I just found out that they made a movie in 2021 about Louis Wain and fucking Benedict Cumberbatch was cast to play him 😭😭😭 STOP IT!!!! STOP CASTING HIM AS EVERY SINGLE QUIRKED UP WHITE MAN! CAST ANY OTHER PERSON!

[original-character-championship]

Bracket D Round 1

Poll 26

Amanēas (@kohkum) vs. Westley "Wes" Weston (@daddyplasmius)

243. Amanēas (@kohkum)

She/Her but also culturally it doesn't really matter to her. But also autistically if you switch it up too often she'll kill herself

Shes preoccupied with ideas about becoming god so this win would bring her one step closer to that. Think about it. A vote for her would be a vote for feminism or orcs or something. She beat the shit out of the equivalent of a 12 year old to prove a point about the whole god thing but the 12 year old bit off two of her fingers and mangled a third with a rock. They're on good terms now though so its ok. But look at that dedication. Who wouldn't want to vote for that. She also killed maybe a billion people along the way to prove the point as well but thats Ok. She had a really cool giant sword while doing it and also she doesn't do that stuff anymore shes reformed. Shes so ok. Vote for her. Cmon. Shes not going to ask you shes too autistic to speak frequently. But I'm not (lying) so I'm asking you. I'm being so nice right now. Cmon. Make her god. Pretty please? Shes tits out all the time its pretty cool. If she wins this I'll stop making her heterosexual I'll make her a lesbian instead. So vote for her. I think I've lost the plot here. Vote for Amanēas 2023!

shes hairless due to regular shaving because otherwise she pulls all of her hair out. shes got seal eyes. and her nose doesnt have like much going on its just two nostrils that can seal close when needed. shes got a scar on her scalp thats formed a depression. and multiple beaded earrings from her in-laws. and then an eyebrow piercing from her husband. bulky weight lifter build going on. her skin is a purple-grey with pink undertones. and her eyes are a dark brown. and shes got silly angry eye brows. i dont know what else to say. i could just say shes an orc but the thing is she isnt like the popular interpretation of an orc or even the original interpretation because i found those racist and wanted to see if i could write orcs that werent. but anyways she's beautiful to ME !

244. Westley "Wes" Weston (@daddyplasmius) - the entire Phandom I guess

He/Him

Wes Weston is thee OC of all time. He belongs to the entire Danny Phantom fandom as a whole & is so well known we have tricked people outside the Phandom into thinking he is canon.

Wes Weston was created in 2014 when a tumblr user noticed him in the background of a single shot. He was given the role of "one guy who knows that Danny is Phantom" as a joke, named Wes Weston, & his character quickly rose to fame with the Phandom.

Wes evolved from simply "guy who knows Danny is Phantom" to ex-popular kid on the basketball team, who was ousted for claiming the hero of Amity Park could be that loser ghost hunter's son Fenton. He took up photography in order to get proof. He could never quite get it any, though.

Eventually, he learned that his father's boss, Vlad Masters, is the same as Danny, with an evil ghost alter ego. Of course, no one believes him except for his brother Kyle, who knows that Danny is Phantom too but thinks it's cosplay because he doesn't believe in ghosts, only aliens (& weed).

By this point, anyone who's heard his spiel has started a meme that Wes must be so hellbent on proving Fenton is Phantom because Wes himself is trying to hide His identity as Phantom! They even have the same butt.

Danny gets tired of trying to hide his identity from Wes, and because no one believes him anyway, Danny just stops pretending around him, to Wes's eternal frustration.

Wes slowly comes around, learning that there is a reason Danny is hiding his identity from the greater public (threat of vivisection from both his own parents & the government). Whether they become friends & Wes joins Team Phantom or they stay relatively neutral to each other is up to the lucky person who's adopted Wes Weston as their OC!

Wes looks similar to Danny, except he has red hair, green eyes, freckles, & is a bit taller.

[amiaboyoragirl]

alone

i dont have any friends. i live at home with emotionally unavailable parents and my brother, who is my only semi trusted person. we are really close and honestly if i didnt have him i wouldnt be alive but we definitely butt heads and i feel bullied by him even though he doesnt mean to hurt my feelings hes just a blunt ass bitch and 6.5 years younger than me but the dynamic is basically im a big baby he feels the need to take care of. and were codependent with weed nicotine and money/food. im a mess and cant get a job, he does instacart when hes not stoned af at home. hes the only person i interact with during the day other than awkward convos with my mom complaining about something and at least once a day i have to hug my dad which makes me very uncomfortable because 1. im autistic. 2. i have sexual trauma 3. he has traumatized me so bad but either doesnt remember or doesnt think it was traumatic (didnt involve incest but he was too involved in my personal business and forced me on birth control that fucked up my health for a while when the incident that caused him to flip was asault but my mom just slut shamed me and yeah anyway my relationship with them is fucked) but i have ocd and if i dont hug them i feel like theyre gonna die after that thinking idont love them because they cant see any other reason why i wouldnt hug them. and honestly im touch starved so a hug is nice here and there but my body is so uncomfortable here. ive lived here my whole life and i feel helpless. im sure it is learned helplessness because of trauma but still i cannot fucking function outside in the world alone.

i also have tits that make me uncomfortable and im currently trying to figure out if i feel this way because im trans or because of trauma and the general sexualization of the female body and social dynamics idk. i also just got out of a 3.5 year relationship with someone i thought i was going to marry and shit but i felt like i was a lesbian and broke up with him even though i didnt want to lose him i knew he wouldnt love me the way i loved him or if i was a guy inside he wouldnt love me anymore. i know he loved me. but a lot of it feels fuzzy and i cant decipher what was real or if it was all chemicals cuz we fucked and smoked and ate and watched tv and talked all the time. the sex was fucking amazing. sometimes i cry about it still. and i still cant touch myself without thinking about him and just forcing myself to dissociate through it and sleep immediately after. ive always been a sex addict since i was way too fucking young but before this relationship i was sleeping with multiple guys all the time, i needed it to get through going to school and work and keeping up the mask. but then covid hit. met my ex. realized we are autistic. i couldnt keep pretending and forcing myself to work in a fucking restaurant that was sensory hell and triggered my eating disorder. ughhhhh god dammit i know im just romanticizing my ex relationship because im missing the sex and affection and talking to him but realistically we werent going to last and i still feel like we both were hiding some feelings or thoughts we had idk i think he couldve been a narcasisstic asshole but my heart doesnt feel that way, maybe im the narcasist and hes just audhd and traumatized just like me. idk fuck. i miss him so much. we were doing so good like finally things felt peachy again and looking up for us even tho in reality it wasnt we were and are still broke addicts too stubborn to get help. but it was fun while it lasted i guess.

anyway i feel like a rabbit in a hole running out of food and water while the world dances in the snow covering the exit. idk. i havent eaten breakfast yet and i already smoked twice so im sure ill eat and sleep this shit off but idk the thing that gets me everyday is i wake up from a dream i feel like im with my ex and then wake up alone and sad as fuck and it just ruins my day because i let it, i dont want to let go of the pain, of him, i fucking miss him and wish things could be different. we always said we wanted to die holding each other in bed like that couple preserved in pompeii. my chest is on fire right now and if i could just have one more night together id do anything. we have the same birthday so that sucks. i wanted to say happy birthday but it felt way too soon and idk if itd ruin his day or not but iwas def sad all day. we broke up 2 months ago now and havent spoken since but i saw him twice waiting to cross the street while i drove by and my heart sank to my ass. he looked good af. but i have to be honest with myself its not my responsibility to try to make him not angry and act like a man child sometimes. and its not fair tohim to feel responsible for my moods all the time we just couldnt take care of eachother the way we needed because we are both depleted of what we need idk. im going back to sleep. im just feeling emo we shouldnt get back together but i feel like i cant trust my brain because im bpd and pmdd and i always feel this way around my period, we break up then my periods over and im sad as fuck about it and regret it. its too late now im sure hes lost any interest in me and has moved on.good for him. he should. i actually really hope hes happy right now. but i know i didnt feel completely right with him so fuck it ill just try to move on. i just wish i could be normal and have a job or school and friends stuff to distract myself and have new memories but im so isolated rn and depressed idk. i might feel fine tomorrow so i wont kms lol. bpd is sooo fun. especially with gender and sexuality ocd and just wanting to be loved but feeling so unlovable ayyyyy.. i could feel hot after breakfast who knows.

[shylemon0]

Clark Kent dating a reader that can’t sleep without a stuffed animal (Headcanons)

I am very much like this so umm- this was really easy to to write lol

Warning?: Hinted autistic reader, plushie/stuffed animal special interest, Clark becoming your replacement plushie,

A/N: im writing this note as i am halfway done with this hc and i just realized that this might be seen as some weird kink shit??? if that is the reason you are here please leave and dont put that energy near my blog im a minor, thank you. this one was more made as comfort not horniness ew

(Gn) ———

· He finds it adorable and completely understands the simple need for a comfort item  · You probably have a small stuffed toy in your bag when you need to go to work that you can hold (inside the bag so no one can see) it when stressed but if you didn’t bring it with you for some reason you could just hold Clark’s hand when stressed since his hands are surprisingly soft

· Sometimes Clark will pretend to be jealous of your plushies when he comes home to you just laying on the couch using one of your plushies as a pillow after a long day of work, it’ll just end up in him grabbing you so you two can cuddle and fall asleep because both of you are tired after a long day at work

· You know that these things give you comfort but you won’t let it control your life, so you won’t go and grab your comfort item just for a tiny amount of stress or discomfort since one day you just know you won’t have anything to calm you down and you’ll have to be ready for so it won’t be too much for you · He will buy you tons of stuffed animals and plushies because he knows how happy they make you

· You most likely were shy about letting him know about your little “quirk” since most people would think it was childish, but not him, he completely respects it and will stand up for you if any of your friends found out and started to make fun of you for it

· If you somehow lost your favorite plush and it’s the one you need to sleep with, Clark is there for you to calm down and help you try and find it, if you find it that’s great but if you don’t Clark will offer to cuddle with you to help you a little to fall asleep 

· After some time you probably won’t need a stuffed toy anymore to sleep since you have Clark there to cuddle up with :)

(I have a taglist now! It’s on my pinned post if you want to know more about it!)

[mymarifae]

your berdly headcanons... hand 'em over. silly or serious or all of the above i just enjoy your thoughts about the birdboy!!!!!

you know not what you are unleashing. breaks my hands

- first things first... this kid is a bi trans boy. and he’s autistic. and he has adhd. AND-

- one of his most common stims is hand flapping and he'll also like, drum his hands against desks and tables. lots of hand and arm movement in general

- he pulls his feathers out when he gets nervous but otherwise they don’t really fall out just like, randomly. unlike noelle, who does shed in the springtime. he (playfully) complains about all the fur she leaves on his clothes

- if you startle him he’ll let out a little chirp. kris thinks this is Really funny and because noelle isn’t as easily startled by their pranks anymore (she's built up a tolerance over the years), they’ve shifted gears and now spend their time scaring berdly

- there’s also a good chance he’ll chirp mid-yawn or something

- just like ~500 other people i think berdly has a knack for english over other subjects. he’s probably in that phase where he thinks big words and convoluted sentence structure makes his writing better, but he’s growing out of it

- (or that’s how he is about his academic writing, because there’s a specific audience there he feels the need to “impress”; he might approach his fictional writing differently [because he definitely jots down short stories and poems whenever he can])

- noelle tutors him in math and science, and in turn he actually helps her with essay writing. she’s good on her own, but with berdly’s edits and suggestions, her papers go from a B to an A+

- oh on that note, i disagree with the notion that berdly is naturally good at english and views it as a lesser subject. i think he sees every school subject as vital and he takes a lot of pride in his vocabulary and literature analysis. his problem is he Hates to admit that he’s good at english and not so much everything else. he needs to be good at it all or he's not smart enough

- and actually? he is good at math and science. he says noelle helps him Study. this tells me that he does in fact learn the material; he just needs to spend more time with it and have it taught to him in a different way. but since it doesn’t click instantly in his head the way it seems to for noelle, he’s like “im not good at this and im not really smart”

- the thing he tends to look down on is his creative writing. it’s not doing anything for his academic career. it’s just fun and makes him happy. but that’s silly, isn’t it... he can’t seem to make himself stop and give up on it forever though. he writes and he writes annnnnd he doesn’t show anybody <3 except noelle, but she’s only seen like, 2 pages of stuff he’s written for fun. and it took a lot of coaxing from her before he let her see even that much (she really liked it. she's always trying to get him to show her more)

- he's pretty artistically inclined, all in all! he doesn't really let himself pursue those budding skills freely but they are there... ofc he loves video games and when he gets older and gets over himself a bit he'll probably end up in that industry! in story writing... or character design. or you know what. both

- i dont. know SHIT about video games but he probably feels the need to pretend to be super into extra hard games and he keeps up with all the new stuff that comes out but in reality he enjoys more retro stuff... from when games were allowed to just be like. idk. Fun. im thinking his favorites would be like spyro or gex

- he’s also on the cross country team. have i talked about this? i forgor 💀 don’t ask me where he gets the time to go to practice or meets (? does cross country have meets. or is that just track and field. im not looking this up) because like where does he get the time to do literally anything

- i just think... he is the type of nerd who is also sporty in a lot of ways. listen. do you see how strong he is in the dark world? wish fulfillment my ass that’s coming from somewhere idc

- anyway he and jockington are buddies. berdly is used to people being pushed away by his attitude and *ahem* Complex, but jockington is so easygoing he just... doesn’t care. which takes berdly by surprise. jockington ends up being the second person who berdly feels completely comfortable around and he drops The Act when it's just them

- from personal experience he probably spends a lot of his time at his library job bored. really bored. the work they let library aides/etc do is very menial. time-consuming, and there’s always a lot of it, but like. *falls asleep in the middle of my shelf reading* anyway the library in hometown probably sees even fewer patrons than the one i work at, and the amount of reshelving and shelf reading he’d have to do would be soooo minimal. he probably just sits at that desk most of the time. he tinkers with his homework, but he either can’t focus or it’s something he needs to ask noelle about. so he’s currently working on reading every single book in the library catalogue in alphabetical order to pass the time

- he has teeth. like. he has a full set of teeth. this is canon but it seems everyone wants to ignore it and i’m not going to let you. is it a little bit horrid? yeah. but stop taking away his teeth he needs those (the idea that they’re retractable is so bad it’s really funny and im kinda obsessed with it so i’ll accept that too)

- *ignoring that he calls himself a bluebird and that his head shape and white arm stripes are reminiscent of a blue jay* SO ANYWAY his feather pattern In My Head most closely resembles a beautiful nuthatch. why? idk

- just. imagine more blue and less black

- yyoouuuuu probably already know my thoughts regarding his family and how he must have been raised and yeah i guess? he? still lives. there. i guess there’s a shadow of his mother just in the back of my head. i don’t think we should talk about her.

- he’s an only child, though he has always kinda wanted a little sibling... he’d be a good big brother

- (fun fact: in my swap au, this desire for a little sibling is what makes him bond with clover the way he does. the little sister[s] he always wanted)

- LET’S TALK ABOUT SWATCH i think swatch adopts him. i think swatch steps in as a guardian figure to all the kiddos but with berdly something clicks in their head and they’re like “okay. come here. *scoops him up*” and i’ve talked about this before but im not shutting up about it.

- berdly spent the whole time in cyber world trying to gain queen’s approval and affection but after everything’s said and done, he realized he never had to go to all those lengths for swatch to notice him. they’ve had their wing held out for him all along; he finally backtracks and ducks underneath it. he feels safe around them :)

- i say after because in my little made-up world noelle and berdly don’t walk away from cyber world thinking it was a dream. or maybe they do, but come on it’d only take one of them mentioning one detail from the “crazy dream” they had for the other to be like “wait. what was your dream about? because um...” so like. in a normal or neutral route, they get their own little rooms in castletown and!! i think it would be so fun if, in-between Serious Plot, you could go to castletown and find both of them hanging out. interacting with the different npcs and stuff. berdly can often be found in the cafe, behind the counter with swatch ^^ he’s learning how to make all the different drinks and desserts... (swatch is the host but they probably know how to make everything served there right? right.)

- alternatively, he's being carted around by one or two of the swatchlings because they all fuss over him a little bit

- speaking of the neutral route. i don’t think. that’s the only time he sustains damage from that damn plug. like uh.... that’s not a very. small thing to have done to your body. electrocution or not. yeah

- i don’t think he can fly. his “wings” function too much like hands to work for flight. whatever the fuck he was doing after noelle and susie’s ferris wheel ride was him using his wind magic to like, propel himself up into the air and then steadily drop himself back to the ground a little bit at a time! so it’s a dark world only thing. if he had that same magic in the light world, then he could i guess. but it’s still also not actual flight and he can't stay in the air very long. but it doesn’t seem like monsters have magic anymore...?? or at least they just never use it....?? (????)

- oh and about his dark world magic. i don’t think of it as just wind magic. i see it as like. full-on storm elemental magic. he just doesn’t use any of the more standard ~stormy~ abilities because [this has been redacted because it's a spoiler for my befriend berdly route fic and normally i don’t care about spoilers for fics but i care about this one. sorry]

- he’s sensitive to the cold but it’s okay because noelle and her family give him like 10 brand new, very warm, and very fluffy christmas sweaters of varying degrees of ugliness every year. his wardrobe is just as festive as noelle’s at this point

- rudy isn’t amused by berdly’s Antics but noelle has kinda dragged him into the family anyway. his presence at their house on christmas eve is tolerated

uh. is. is that enough headcanons for you

[snufkins-left-boot]

lets talk the lion king 2, everybody.  so. for those of you who haven’t seen it, first of all, this will probably contain spoilers.  second of all, go watch it. third, this is nuka.

and this is kovu. his little brother.

and this is their sister, vitani. (younger than nuka, i THINK older than kovu but i’m not sure they might be twins)

all three of these characters are VERY important to this post.

so, Kovu, the neurotypical coded sibling, was chosen by Scar to become king after him, even though Kovu wasn’t Scar’s son. whereas, Nuka is constantly theorized to be scar’s ACTUAL son.  and honestly, it would make sense.  like look at scar, then look at nuka. these two are OBVIOUSLY very closely related.  but that’s not the point of this post.

the point of this post is how Zira, their biological mother, treated them as individuals.

before you start talking to me about how “oh but shes the villain” or “she’s a lion” i dont actually care.  she may have been the villain, but these were her OFFSPRING. and lions or not, they’re sapient.  like they have morals.

ok so lets go.  lets talk about them youngest to oldest, because i want to save Nuka for last so i can REALLY go off.

Kovu first.  Zira WORSHIPPED Kovu. or at least, that’s how it appears at first glance.  but if you’ll take the time to look a little closer, she really only worshipped the fact that he was chosen to be king.

as SOON as he “betrayed” Zira, she didn’t care anymore. she was literally ready to kill him.  like huh???  

i may add more on that later, but now let’s move on to one of my very first gay awakenings Vitani. Zira saw vitani as a soldier. nothing more, nothing less.  like, when Kovu gets the chance to kill Simba and doesnt, and Vitani sees it, she immediately reports back to her mother.  her mother freaks out at this report. doesn’t even thank vitani for literally SPYING on her own brother.  like what???  Vitani has always struck me as not neurotyical, but not SUPER neurodivergent either. this will be important at the end of the story, kids, so remember this.

ok now i’m gonna GO OFF about nuka.  i have ALWAYS related to nuka. and i only JUST recently realized why.  it’s because he’s neurodivergent, and his mother treats him like shit.  and. that’s exactly how my life went. so this boy. he SHOWERED his mother in as many gifts as he could access, he did EVERYTHING he could to please this bitch, and how did she repay him??? by abusing him.  all nuka wanted was for his mother to give him even an OUNCE of the love that she gave to kovu. but she never did!  my guess is because he’s neurodivergent.  and, zira REALLY strikes me as a conservative

to conservatives, having a neurodivergent child is basically the worst thing that could possible happen to you. not the worst thing that could happen to your child, but to YOU.  i mean, the way conservatives treat autistic people, even their own offspring, is APALLING.  if you’re conservative, and your child comes out autistic, you’re gonna treat them like they’ll never be good enough. or like they’ll never be able to understand ANYTHING.  thats just one example though. 

i’m not autistic, but I am ADHD, and bipolar.  I hyperfixate on things CONSTANTLY.  a GOOD parent would at least PRETEND to be interested when i’m rambling about my current hyperfixation.  but conservatives don’t usually make good parents to nd kids.  and sadly, my parents were VERY conservative, so any time i tried to tell my mother about something that i was interested in and she wasnt, she’ dlet me know she didn’t care.  whether she did it passve aggressively, or just, straight up said “I don’t really care” (which was what usually happened. the “i dont really care” option.).

i guarantee you that nuka tried to tell his mother things he thought were cool. all the time. he found a pretty bug? ooooo i gotta show mother! saw a really twisty tree? OOOO mother will want to hear about that!!! and i also guarantee that his mother blew him off every time he tried to show her something cool or something he found interesting.  like.  im finna write angsty nuka fanfiction i’m so mad. like UGGGGH

oh and do you know when Zira realized how much she meant to him? (if she ever realized it. i’m not sure she wasn’t pretending to be completely honest)....  it was when he literally DIED trying to impress her! like he’s dying under a log and she’s only JUST NOW realizing “oh my gods this is my son and i’ve treated him like SHIT his ENTIRE life!!!”

like uggggh i hate zira so much. like, i love a lot of villains, but not this bitch who literally makes me think of how shitty my own mother was to me.

ok thats all. i just needed to make a very angry tumblr post™.  that’s all.  thanks for coming to my fucking TED talk everybody.

[dxmagedrose]

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER!

Tagged by: my lover @hammurabicomplex​ I’m tagging: anyone and everyone who wants to pick this one up! share with the class if you feel like it! tag me in it!!

PRESENTING. RANDOM DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO-MUN AT 2AM ;

FIRST NAME Good fucking question… It’s (sort-of) currently Dylann! I was Kieran before that, though; it’s still used as one of my first names and I’m not used to Dylann quite yet bc I’ve just started using it. 

Indigo is one of my middle names though, and I’ve used it as an online handle elsewhere forever so I use it here now!  [ Fun etymology facts: Dylan(n) is a mythology name generally meaning “born of the wave” (aspiring diver & a water witch at heart). Kieran means “little dark one” bc of my love for horror, && I chose Indigo bc as a kid to be it was neither boy (blue) or purple (girl) and was both and neither as well as my absolute favorite color as this vibrant ass mystical color. ]

STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF hmmmmm…. I’m a horror lover at heart, so as a child (I wanna say 12), I was walking through an antique store (I have a few cool finds, I considered putting my other one as the fact tbh) and I turned the corner and I saw these two dolls staring back at me at the foot of the stairs of this antique building. my blood froze, and i felt my stomach drop. i got actual, physical goosebumps stumbling across these two creepy dolls staring back at me in the corner, and i couldn’t leave the store without them. perhaps the little painted porcelain boy would be somewhat spooky by himself if it wasn’t for the terrifying lidded gaze of the porcelain girl with the hairline fractures and slightly open lips. i cant look at her. i dont really find dolls scary, I like to find the spookier ones ones, and she makes me paranoid as hell. i keep her face covered and her up in my closet except for when i bring her out to show her off proudly as the spookiest thing I have but……. i dont really collect dolls anymore.  even thinking about her brings a fearful tear to my eye.  i don’t like to think about her for very long, but that’s why I’m so fucking proud to own her. ( YES — I’m THAT white person in the horror film )

TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON hhhhh a beardy jawline, high cheekbones, crooked canine teeth >:3c

A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF b.l.t.’s with avocado. ahhhh. my mouth is watering just thinking about it, oh my god. just a bit of salt and pepper???

A FOOD YOU HATE barbecue anything, i hate the taste of bbq sauce, you keep your nasty black goo to yourselves at the grill. twice in my life i have presented with barbecue pizza and both times i cried literal tears. why would you do such a horrible thing to a person? what kind of a monster are you? how do you sleep at night?!

GUILTY PLEASURE the sims. constantly. always. i’ve sunk thousands of hours into my households. oh also uhhhhhh i run two 80s horror blogs, one being a shitpost blog with occasional art of mine and one gremlin fanfic ship blog for horrible, terrible self indulgent fanfics i’ll get the courage to finish writing & post so i can be cancelled on tumblr for at some point. NO, i won’t link them. as i pretend they’re even all that hard to find, within a day i was found on both by someone i admire here a lot :’) ilu bby thnk u eternally for supporting ur local horrifying dumbass wtf

WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN the same clothes i’ve been wearing all day usually, my sweats & long sleeve raglans or my hoodies. i like being cozy day & and out. and ugh. efoort. just throw me in a blanket in a cool room and im out.

SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS serious relationships with some openness or poly. i wish i could fling! just not exactly easy for demisexual autistics lmao.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE I think I would be adopted by my grandma as a kid. It would save me some trauma but mostly I think it would get my autism diagnosed way earlier and save me angsting all these years of wondering why & thinking it’s my fault I’m struggling so much and so loud and affectionate and different in a world that i didnt fit in the same way. 

ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON when i get drunk i text people how much they mean to me in my life. does that answer your question? ahhh. i’m sometimes a cuddle monster with friends, i message people with long texts about how much they mean to me, but I sometimes really don’t like to be touched at all. 

A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN FLYPAPER.  F L Y P A P E R.  FLYPAPER.  FLY, and, I can’t stress this enough, fucking PAPER. ( Though also Whole Nine Yards and both Re-Animator & Bride ). I have watched Flypaper already like, 5 times this week and I’m still not done, and the other movies have been on repeat for days in this household within the last year. In the past it has also been Donnie Darko & the new Nightmare on Elm Street.  roast me.

FAVORITE BOOK White Fang by Jack London. Have I actually ever finished it? No. Do I still own a copy I’ve had since childhood thru multiple dogs eating it, taking it to and from school, and highlighting and circling all the best parts of chapter one ever since I was a kid and it was too hard of a book for me to read? You bet your ass. If I ever need inspiration I just reread chapter 1. Although one of my other favorites was Broken Monsters by Lauren Beukes. But White Fang is like, a weirdly personal text. We stan London’s writing in this household.

YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE FENNEC FOX!! I used to daydream about having my own named Shiloh when I was a lil kid. they’re adorable little things and i am obsessed. i mean, gimme any fox and im happy, marble foxes, red foxes… but I was obsessed with fennec foxes. Also tbh ferrets. I want a ferret.

TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL] Rosa & @ninetyscnds‘s Luke, Rosa & @iimpulsivity is already screaming my name, Rosa & Constantine, Jesse & Andrea from Breaking Bad, and the joker and harley of 80s sci-fi Dan & Herbert from Re-Ani.  I am but a simple opossum. 

PIE OR CAKE Pie! I’ll take both pumpkin & melty apple over cake. also, cheesecake is more pie than cake soooo, pie wins.

FAVORITE SCENT my dogs / my blanket. :’)  It’s the most grounding smell in the world. 

CELEBRITY CRUSH oliver jackson-cohen, i’m fucking GAY and im angry about it. there i was, minding my own business, and i saw that asshole in a certain SHIRTLESS GIF and it AWOKE SOMETHING IN ME. dont talk to me about it, holy shit im obsessed with beardy men now god fuckkdafjaask i hate him why did he make me this gay i was perfectly fine being into girls but NOOOOOO him and his dumb hairy chest and sweet rugged face and I——  I also am obsessed with the archaeologist & television personality Josh Gates and may or may not be considering making a fan blog for him bc idk if my anthropology docuseries host is Dad or Daddy but i love him lots

IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO I would go on a dive with anthropologists and archaeologists doing fieldwork research in the ancient cenotes of the Yucatán Peninsula. My actual dream job, catch me crying & fantasizing about being underwater documenting Mayan skulls given as offerings. Fuckkkk, I love anthropology so much!!  take me anywhere in the world to immerse myself into culture & archaeology.

INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT Introvert. I have a real life friend I see roughly once a month, and that’s it. Plenty of online relationships, I’m chatty, message me all day every day. but i dont do people well.

DO YOU SCARE EASILY I used to! Really bad. I don’t as much anymore. I do get paranoia a lot still. Having therapists telling you that the FBI could be outside your house watching you through your windows will kind of nervous. ( no google results for: yes hello fbi i am a writer please dont put me on watchlists i just have research i need to do for this idea im working on, would you like to try again? ) I have nightmares nightly but not they never make me afraid, they just make me feel like crap. jumpscares and loud noises and seeing people reaching into their pockets dont set off as many brain alarms anymore tho!! progress haha.

IPHONE OR ANDROID I like my android better bc of capabilities but meh

DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES My mom, her husband & I play COD for family game night, and Silent Hill is my life’s blood. I’ve sunken hours into Sims & Skyrim, and Norman Jayden from Heavy Rain is my #1 fictional character in existence, why do i love the druggie babies

DREAM JOB Oh… You’re asking me to pick? I’d love to be an anthropologist doing work out in the field. Underwater archaeology is peak, but I’m also heavily considering being a body recovery diver or police diver. I’d love to see myself in uniform someday, if possible. Just the thought makes me teary eyed & proud.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS fund my person creative & educational endeavors. get myself a spooky ass abandoned house to make my own home to create in, and travel to the world’s best dive sites. just live a mild life of education, creation & exploration. that’s the dream TM.

FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE dr. hill is a gross and whiny lil bitch this post brought to u by the miskatonic crew, how is everyone here an even worse bad guy than herbert west precious dan excluded talk shit get hit tho john winchester from spn and both walter white & todd from breaking bad are all in my crew of hated characters. i jusT…   the reani novel is difficult to read because i have to deal with this old sack of shit.

FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER Supernatural :-)

… AND THIS CONCLUDES A DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO!! //

[one-shoop]

My mother actually admitted to a professional that she would "push us to face our fears" and "square up" or whatever when we were anxious. I don't know why this information doesn't make me happier. I have proof that she's the one who's been at the core of all my most complex mindsets -- like the "don't ask for help unless you really need it" and "am I hurt enough to be allowed to be sad" and "is this bad enough so I don't need to swallow it and search for solutions, or is this pain bad enough I can keep it". She literally admitted to doing all of that.

She's the reason I didn't ask for help in exams. She basically admitted to all the stuff she did as a mother -- her miraculously-unused scheme to push me off a bike so I wouldn't be scared of it anymore ("but pushing you nicely, so you don't actually get hurt, just to show you it's not scary" says mom like this excuses anything), all the times she talked about messing around with her students' rigidities and complex things (she called it "breaking them" like seriously) -- she'll "confront" autistic people or perfectionnists. She admitted to making sure the kid who hated losing loses at all games until he "learns to suck it up" and "accept things" or whatever, she admitted to messing up an autistic/rigid kid's meticulously arranged pieces of paper to "show them it didn't matter if they were messed up, it's the paper itself that counts", and doing that everytime they meet up, even going so far as pretending the kids actually like when she does that. How is this woman even a freaking orthopédagogue, I have no idea.

But she keeps "pushing them out of their comfort zones" and it's just not okay. And the way she talks to them, the way she behaves around them -- it pisses me off just thinking about it. And yesterday she confessed to her motives.

And -- this is a woman who said that the Roman Empire was justified, the murder of millions and all the crap was justified, that people were being stupid when they refused to have roman soldiers on their land -- this is a woman who said that "the tribes didn't want to be in peace, they wanted to keep fighting" and "Rome was keeping the peace". Someone who literally has no freaking reason to believe this crap -- seriously???? The Roman empire was garbage???? This is someone who said "well, if you see slavery as the limit, no civilisation ever was good" when I told her the goddamn empire worked on slaves' back, and refused to acknowledge how Caesar was a piece of garbage, how people watched prisoners of war get freaking KILLED in arenas like it was a fun thing to watch.

Like seriously???? She told me "homeless people should just work harder" and "it doesn't mean society is broken if they can't get jobs/housing" and "it's their fault -- and I know, I watched a documentary once" and "most homeless people are idiots, they don't want to get healed, they want to do drugs and they're childish, they don't want to get jobs, they don't want to work" and "we can't force people to do things they don't want to do, they don't want to get healed so leave them be" and "they basically want to stay homeless" and "they can't handle having a job" and "there are shelters in place, so if they don't go there, they're basically saying they want to stay homeless" like sure mom, this is a good mindset. Absolutely -- i so agree with the humanity of "they don't want to work, so let them starve" like this is forgetting that many homeless peeps are mentally ill? Or addicted? And they CAN'T GET TREATMENT much less any sort of respect from people???? And shelters are the worst??? If I base it on my experience at an Elder's retirement home, let me tell you social workers can be assholes and retirement homes can be a hostile environment to its patients. And also???? Some homeless peeps just leave because OH SNAP maybe they got THROWN OUT OF THEIR HOUSE and and since they're going they have fucking nowhere to go? Like -- ever hear of someone losing their spouse and having nobody ro turn to, so they spend a night outside, and then another, and when their boss hears they fire them so now they're jobless and penniless and BAM. And ever heard of the concept that maybe BEING ALCOHOLIC ISN'T CONTROLLABLE WITHOUT EXTERNAL HELP and do I really have to explain how buying alcohol/weed and being left to starve and freeze and get mugged all the time -- like seriously, there is NO REASON you should LET SOMEONE DIE.

Like ffs?????????? She said bombing an entire town full of civilians was a good move???? Since "they didn't want to surrender, they were too proud" and "they were too stubborn to give up so they had to be shown we wouldn't back down" like wow, minimalizing much??? We're talking about two whole goddamn towns being blown away -- imagine freaking Montreal just blown away like that. Those bombs were MASSIVE. Imagine the freaking KIDS. Seriously -- she can't bear to watch documentaries on the atomic bombs, it should be enough to make her realize that hey, maybe if something is too horrible to watch, you shouldn't DO IT TO PEOPLE? Nor excuse it????

Said that our country "didn't do too much slavery" and "WE were nice people, not like the English" and "we lived in peace" like seriously???? Remember all those times native people got sold as slaves??? Remember how métis came to be, with white people going in forests, stopping for a night at a tribe, and raping a woman there????? And then that woman would get expelled and her baby would be shunned for not belonging either with the white bastards or with the mother's birth tribe?? Remember how Montréal was built to be a freaking conversion thing for the native peoples thar lived near??? Remember how we had missionaries?

Remember that time she kept saying that in the Bible, the Jewish people were the bad guys -- the Romans were good? Defending the dude from the washing hands thing, saying he had no other choice to keep the people happy than to kill J-boy, and saying it was "the Jewish religious leaders's" fault for all of it? For "forcing people to hate him"? Saying the Jewish people were jerks like they didn't want to pay taxes to this guy who invaded their land, right??? Well apparently they're jerks for that???

Saying Sikh community people can never get into politics because "politicians are supposed to represent the majority of their people, and they're never part of the majority anywhere" and rolling her eyes when I say "what, so what you're saying is that if you're part of that community, you can't EVER get into politics? What if it was your dream??? Should you give up your religion to be allowed to compete?"

And apparently all of that is because of some "book" she read once about how to deal with anxiety in kids. How, apparently, this "book" was enough to spark all of this nonsense.

Like wtf mom

Wtf

Like for someone who keeps talking about "facing your fears" she sure is ignoring a whole lot of information back here. Like ever heard of someone dismissing the truth because it's too hard? Like if this was really your philosophy I'd think you'd be the first one to fall out bs propaganda and fight for a better place and a more compassionate view of others, and like -- her philosophy is supposed to be about confronting your fears to work on them like how tf can you do that without even admitting there's a problem???? She's making shif up for a shitton of historical shit that have literally no fucking data on all the goodness she pretends exists -- like seriously man just google literally any of those things and you'll have proof it happened -- even NOW we have literal places where every native person lives like some weird ghetto bht wirh government funding. Native lands aren't even legally recognized by our bs country, they don't have a fucking representative or their own, they don't even have their own province ffs they live in shitty places where poverty happens because SURPRISE when you strip someone of their land, their dignity, their culture, and their religion, and all their space to just freaking exist -- MAYBE it fucks them up. And just MAYBE being stripped of your integrity as a person and a clan is MAYBE stripped away and MAYBE you have nothing to really do with your identity. So MAYBE you should consider that when you pretend the shit our people did wasn't completely horrific. MAYBE you'd understand how desperatly something needs to be done.

And ALL OF THIS just doesn't cut it for a goddamn book about education or whatever it was. I dont know what this is but this just feels like fucking victim blaming. This can't be about "facing your fears", this is about dictating them, this is about making things up, about controlling the reality. This is about making the reality to be more pleasant for you to live in, this is about you controlling people to see things as you do. This is about you thinking people will never like you if you outright say you agree with the goddamn empire so you pretend there's some silver lining on it.