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peninkwrites · 3 years

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the dead don't dream - ch 25 of ?

Tommy does some reading and writing. Quackity and Tubbo don't talk politics.

(CW: blood and horror and mild self harm)

crossposted to ao3

Ch 1

Ch 24

Ch 26

The Good

-I’m eating again. I tried carrots again the other day wasnt sick.

-People want to protect me. They all awnt to try. and the stasis chambers in the basement make me feel better. A lot of people offered to have one set up. Sapnap, Puffy, Sam, Techno, Phil, Tubbo, Ranboo, Bad, Ant, Quackity, Eret. Just about evryone. It’s setup so i can press 1 button they all come. Feels weird cause Dream was gonna keep me using one adn now this keeps me safe.

I think i spend too much time down there though. Im scared he’ll get me before i can get help so i needto stay near htem. Im scared to go outside alone. It’s good i can get help but it also means im stuck here. I cant leave TUbbo’s house if i want help

“That’s not the good, Tommy…” Tommy mutters, staring gloomily at the page. It’s true, though. He’s forced into an awful choice– does he want to be safe, or does he want to be free? Right now even feeling safe is a struggle. Maybe he should try looking at the bad stuff for a bit.

The Bad

-im having nightmares again. Theyr abt Wilbur agian. But not like before. It’s bad ina differnt way.

Wil keeps on beggng me to save him. When it’s just limbo thats bad but osmetimes it’s Dream and thats worse

Tommy doesn’t want to write about that, like pulling those thoughts out of his head will make them more real. He turns back to the good.

-Eret gave me sunglasses again but I was scared I was gonna lose them agian so i said no. But when Sam came to help set up the stais chambers he brought be goggles. Theyre easier to not lose becus I can jst keep them around my neck when I dont need them. Which is most of the time. I don’t really go outside much.

-Ponk also gave me a cane. I don’t like that it helps. It doesnt hurt s much and i can walk further. I havnt fallen yet since i got it but might be because im eating again too. I wanto walk like normal. Ponk thinks im right that my leg won’tg et beter because there’s nothing to heal. The nerves r damaged.

That’s drifting into the bad again. Why is it so jumbled up all the time?

-they let me move wilbur closer. I mean i didnt move him im not strong enugh but tubbo helped. He woudltn let me keep him in the house but he didnt bury him. He’s in the side of the cliff in a bunker tubbo has. Hes in glass so i can see him and know hes still there, hes there becaus

No. No, the why of it is bad. So he should put that on the bad list, right? He wants things to be simple. There’s the good and there’s the bad and if the good list is longer than the bad it means he’s getting better. Why is this so hard?

The whole reason Tommy starting doing this was because he can’t fucking think straight. First it was just the decisions that made him clam up, so he started using a book to weigh his options. Now he’s just trying to piece together whatever his life is now. He doesn’t want to think about it, about the journaling, as something he has in common with Dream, even though he’d have to admit that had something to do with it. It comes from himself first and foremost, not Dream. He’s always liked making plans and lists. Just because it was in the midst of rereading that awful book that he thought of it is irrelevant. Tommy hesitates, before turning back to the bad list.

-we put wilbur here so i can check and make sure hes still there. To make sure Dream didnt get him. I feel more sure because if Dream finds him he’ll have found me too. I have to check thouhg. After the nightmares

-in the nigtmares i dont save wil. Sometines i lose him. Sometimes i go back to dream because of him.

-adn it’s not better when im awake. Im thinking about how bad it would have been if theyd showed up even a few minutes later. I think abou it alot. and I start pulling on my hair if i think about what was gona happen if they haddnt showed up at all. Or i endup scratching the floor. Whatever makes it stop. It scares tubbo. My nails were bleeding one time when he came back.

He tries not to leave me. but he’s helping sSapnap with looking for Dream or Quackity with L’Manberg. When hes not here it’s Ranboo a lot but sometimes he forgets and shows up late. He always shows up thouh.

That’s good. That deserves to go on the good list. Tommy goes back a page.

-Tubbo tries not to leave me. Ranboo always shows up even if he forgets and is late sometimes.

-people keep checking on me. Sam comes by and says he wants to make sure the stasis chamber is right but i know it’s just because hes woried. He brought me pumpkin pie. I havent tried eating it because im worried i won’t be able to. Ponk comes too. But they have a better reason. They check how sick i am still.

Sometimes i say things and it scares people. Last time sam and ponk came over I told Sam I wanted to be like him. I thougt that was a nice thing to say. But he got all worried becus i said it all weird. Which is fair it was weird. Said I wish I could self destruct and take Dream down with me if he comes fucking near me again. Didnt mean to assume anyhting. I dont know if it even works like that. Sam dint get mad though. Just asked if he could hug me. He didnt hug me very tight thugh. Theyre all still scared of breaking me.

-my hair is short agian. It’s much bette.r Tubbo cut it. I got a littl scared becaus of the shears, but Tubbo was really nice about it. I didnt cry just then but i thought i was goign to. Not bad tears though i dont think. It was just different. Gentle stuff doesn’t feel normal. The hugs are a little less scary becuase Wilbur hugged me, but Tubo brushed knots out of my hair. He was so careufl but it wasnt because he felt bad for me. I coud tell it was different. It was kindof like it fixed something. Something i thought broke inme a long time ago. I guess it ddint feel fixed. More like it s still broken but Tubbo took care of me anyway.

Tommy pauses. He looks up at the bubbling pools of water around him. It’s a careful design. If he were to close one trap door, they all would. Tommy had pointed out Dream could use it to summon them one at a time and kill them easily, so Sam made sure it couldn’t be done one by one. It made sense, but sometimes Tommy almost wanted to use it to just bring Tubbo to him. He should talk about the bad more. Tubbo and Ranboo offer to listen.

He doesn’t want to talk about it. They already don’t look at him the same, he doesn’t want it to get worse. It’s not like there’s much worse for it to get. Tommy flips back to the bad page.

-if they hadn’t showed up right then Dream was goign to cut his name into my skin. It probly would have made a scar. I dont want to think about what else he was ginna do to me.

There he goes again. Tommy’s right hand holds a quill, his left drags against the stone floor, the pain shuddering up his arm. He should stop doing that. He doesn’t know why it’s so hard to stop. He’s eating again– why can’t the rest of it get easier too?

“Tommy! I’m back!” Tubbo’s voice echoes from up the ladder. Tubbo always announces himself. Tommy still flinches, holding his hand close to his chest, like he’s scared he’ll get in trouble for dragging his nails across the floor. He knows if anything Tubbo would just look at him, that worried gaze with a bit of rage too, but not rage towards him.

“I’m here too!” Quackity’s voice follows.

Tommy should probably go upstairs and talk to them. Tommy gathers his two books, tucking them both away in his inventory. They’re both equally unassuming. The only difference is one has his blood on the pages.

“You were down there when I left,” Tubbo almost sounds disappointed when Tommy climbs up through the trap door.

“I came back up and got food,” Tommy mutters. “Hey, Big Q.”

“Hey, Tommy! How’s… how’s it going?” Quackity’s cheerfulness seems a bit forced. Same as everyone who’s come by to visit. Their efforts to treat him like normal always ring hollow.

“Oh. You know. Just… working on getting Wilbur,” Tommy isn’t sure if he’s lying or not. He hadn’t opened Dream’s journal all day. It comes and goes. Sometimes he can’t pull himself away from the thing, and other times he almost wants to burn it.

Something in Quackity’s expression changes for a moment, before his usual grin returns too fast for Tommy to try and guess what look Quackity had given him. Quackity just pushes on. “Right. Tubbo over here has been helping me take over! It’s gonna be weird– y’know? A L’Manberg cabinet without either of you.”

“We’ll still be around, Big Q,” Tubbo shrugs. “Just got… bigger things on my mind as of late.”

“Yeah, me, right?” Tommy scoffs.

“It’s not all about you, bossman,” Tubbo teases. “Right now I’ve got important plans.”

“Do you?”

“Yep. Gonna make rabbit stew to go with the pie Sam brought us,” Tubbo nods knowingly.

“Oh, right. Very important,” Tommy rolls his eyes. “Here I am, trying to solve death, but you’ve got some soup.”

Tubbo half nods, and his smile doesn’t fade, but he doesn’t quip back to that one.

“Is that what all that’s about, Tommy?” Quackity can’t stop himself from asking.

“What?” Tommy looks puzzled.

“Like, what you’re looking for, the stuff to get Wilbur back, d’you really think you can figure out something like that?” Quackity sounds skeptical, but he also knows what it’s like to see someone obsessed with a project to get through grief. The only thing that got Tubbo to move on was, well, Tommy. So Quackity continues without reservation. “Like, aren’t you sorta worried you’re looking for something that might not even be there?”

The look Tubbo gives him is murderous.

Tommy doesn’t get angry; somehow that’s worse. He frowns, lost in thought for a moment, staring at the ground. “I know he can be brought back. I’ve seen it. I’ve lived it and shit, so.” Tommy looks up at the two of them, something helpless and certain behind eyes still too grey. He shrugs, but somehow he’s smiling, even if it isn’t a happy smile. “So how can I leave him?”

The silence which follows is painful, almost unbearable. “I’m sorry, Tommy, that wasn’t– that wasn’t fair of me, man. I’m sorry,” Quackity fumbles for a reply.

“Nah, don’t worry about it, Big Q,” Tommy waves him off. “Wil was the only thing keeping me together all those months– besides Dream, of course. And– And Dream was bad,” Tommy says this like somehow despite everything he’s still trying to convince himself.

Tubbo and Quackity have no idea what to say to that.

“I’m back!” Ranboo knocks before he enters, his arrival cutting the tension like a knife.

Tommy still jumps.

Ranboo looks to each of them carefully, thinking. Tommy needs to get out more. Tubbo looks an inch away from snapping. “Shoot. I forgot– you wanted me to bring back firewood,” Ranboo sighs. “Tommy, d’you want to come help me?”

Tommy stares at him. “...Right. I’d be great at that. Lifting heavy logs, want me to swing an axe too?” He says dryly.

“Oh, well, if you don’t think you can do it…” Ranboo shrugs, turning back toward the door.

“Hold on, hold on! I didn’t say that,” Tommy pouts. “Give me a fuckin’ second to get my coat and shit…” Tommy does so, and after a moment’s hesitation, grabs the cane from beside the door. Trekking through snow tends to hurt worse. His body aches now when he gets cold.

Ranboo and Tommy leave and a tense silence follows. Tubbo returns to his kitchen, getting out ingredients loudly. Finally, the tension breaks. “You shouldn’t have said that shit, Big Q,” Tubbo is sharp, slamming a cutting board on his counter with too much ferocity.

“What, like you aren’t thinking it? That he’s gonna obsess over Wilbur instead of getting better?” Quackity shoots back. Tubbo has no reply. There’s a moment of pause. For once Quackity doesn’t want to be right. He sighs. “So, how is he? All things considered,” Quackity nods towards the front door, where Ranboo and Tommy had just disappeared.

Tubbo frowns, focused on the cutting board in front of him. “Better, I think.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” a pause, Tubbo chopping vegetables methodically. There’s an edge to his voice; that always seems to happen when he talks about Tommy now. “Not better enough.”

Quackity nods grimly. “Yeah. I mean, that makes sense.”

“Does it?” Tubbo’s voice grows high and sharp. “He doesn’t leave that fucking basement and he doesn’t stop looking at that fucking book. I– I dunno if taking him out here into the snow was a good idea, but I thought at least here he’d be safe, but he’s– He acts like he’s still a fucking prisoner! And I’m supposed to be the one making things better.”

“Come on,” Quackity shifts uncomfortably. “You can’t mean that, he’s just– He’s nervous, understandably, right–?”

Tubbo stops his chopping, his shaky hands too close to drawing blood. He turns to face Quackity sharply, a storm still brewing behind his eyes. There’s always too much stirring under the surface with Tubbo, and it always breaks free with little warning. “You wanna know what he said to me the other day, Big Q?”

Quackity stares, dread growing louder in the back of his head, but how can he not ask? “What?”

“S-So, I come home, and he hasn’t moved from that fucking basement, so I– I ask him!” Tubbo gestures aggressively towards the snowy windows. “I asked him if he’d gone outside that day, or if he’d gotten something to eat– or– or something– and h-he gives me this look, this surprised fucking look, and goes ‘oh, I forgot you’d let me leave.’ Let him?! Fucking let him?!” Tubbo laughs and it sounds almost like a threat. Tubbo wants to hurt something, but his ideal target is currently fucking MIA. “Does that sound like nerves?! Or does that sound like someone who doesn’t– who can’t–” Tubbo takes a shaky breath. He needs to stop shouting before Tommy hears him. “H-He always expects doors to be locked, okay? And that’s–” Tubbo’s voice is shaking from more than anger now. “That’s not better, Big Q.”

Quackity seems to come to some decision, nodding resolutely. “You don’t have to help me with L’Manberg stuff anymore, Tubbo. I’ve got it. Sapnap is still working his ass off trying to find Dream. You should be here, with him. I know you want to be. The rest of us… we’ll cope without you, okay?”

Tubbo scoffs. “Huh. I’m glad you think I can help him, Big Q. But I dunno how Tommy is going to get better when the very man he’s having nightmares about is still out there.”

“We’ll get him,” Quackity sounds utterly sure. “However long it takes, we’re hunting that man down and we’re tearing him apart.”

“Well, don’t be too hasty, Tommy wants him back alive,” Tubbo shivers. “For Wilbur’s sake.” He glances in the direction of the bunker. “The nightmares are still bad. I’m not as worried about him freaking out and getting himself hurt, but it’s not gone away. I know he still has them. I hear him getting up and going to the bunker.”

“Yeah,” Quackity follows his gaze, unable to hide his disgust. “It’s fucking weird how much he visits that body. We should’ve buried it.”

Tubbo, for all his own irritation, gets defensive. “It’s not like he’s hugging it. He’s just checking to make sure it’s there. It comforts him. What were we supposed to do, just say no? ‘Sorry, Tommy, you’ll just have to trust that he’s still there every time you have a nightmare’? He’d probably end up running halfway across the server in the middle of the night, alone, and that’s not an option. Nah, what’s really weird is Wilbur being the one who protected him apparently. Where did that come from? Tommy was learning to live without him before all this bullshit happened, after how he screwed us over, we all were…”

Quackity seems to find this part more reasonable than the corpse in the walls. “Hey, they were foxhole buddies. You remember what that was like, back in Manberg. We had to put up with the same shit, some of the same shit, anyway,” Quackity pauses for a moment. He fleetingly has the thought he should ask Tommy about Schlatt. If he’d seen Wilbur, then… No. Not something worth pursuing. He refuses to let it be. “And I fucked up then, too. But I mean, look at us now. I was an asshole, and now I’m your Vice President!” Quackity grins, nudging him teasingly.

“Not my VP anymore, Quackity,” Tubbo smiles cheekily. “You were a bit of an asshole.”

“Hey! I got better!” Quackity pretends to pout. The moment calms. “But, yeah, you heard him. If Wilbur was all he had to hold onto… It makes sense. Him wanting him back.”

Tubbo hums a noncommittal reply. Wilbur just feels like one more thing Tubbo needs to protect Tommy from.

“Wake up.”

There’s a white mask above him. Tommy can’t move. It’s the familiar pain of being paralyzed.

“It’s time to come home, Tommy. You’ve had your fun. Now it’s time for you to come back,” Dream ruffles his hair and there’s nothing Tommy can do to stop him.

“No– No, fuck you! S-Stay away from me!” Tommy cannot move, but he can scream.

No one comes. Not Tubbo, not Ranboo, not anyone. He doesn’t know where he is. It’s dark. It’s not Limbo, though, because Dream is here.

Dream shakes his head, tutting him. “Would you look at that. You’ve been away for, what, a few weeks and already you’ve lost your manners! I worked so hard to teach you those. I can teach you again, you know.”

Tommy is sitting up. He can’t remember moving. Dream crouches down so they’re eye to eye, or eye to mask, rather.

“I have someone who’s gonna help me with that, you know. Someone I think you really miss,” Dream’s voice rings with mocking pity.

“I’m gonna kill you– I’ll f-fucking kill you again, you bitch, don’t fucking touch him–” Tommy knows he sounds terrified.

“Tommy, please! Tommy– make him stop! P-Please do whatever he says just make him stop!” Wilbur is screaming, screaming like he’s close by. Tommy can’t see him.

“Wil?! Wil– if you can hear me–”

“Tommy, it hurts! Please, Tommy! Don’t leave me alone with him!” Wilbur is crying. Tommy always gets scared when his brother cries.

(This is wrong. It’s all wrong. Wilbur would never tell Tommy to give himself up.)

“Hear that, Tommy?” Dream whispers too close. “He wants you to come home too. You miss him, don’t you?”

(This is a nightmare. This isn’t real. So why does it still hurt?)

“Oh, I see. You don’t care,” Dream continues, scolding and cruel. “You should tell that to his face, you know. You should tell him you don’t care.”

Tommy wants to scream, but he can’t make a sound as his brother’s bloody face is dragged from the darkness. Wilbur is coughing up blood, it’s dripping from his eyes, so much blood pouring out from inside of him, a flood, the blood fresh and hot and its metallic scent far too real. He’s reaching towards him, desperate, clawing hands, and then Wilbur is on the ground. He cannot remain standing as blood pours from his ears, from his mouth, from his eyes, beading up from his very pores until he is nothing but red. Tommy still cannot move. Even as Wilbur writhes on the ground like a man possessed, and despite the blood in his mouth, Tommy can still hear him screaming–

Tommy doesn’t scream when he wakes up. Instead he feels like he’s choking. He’s tangled in the blankets, struggling to get free.

Finally he hits the cold wooden floor, gasping for breath, finally getting his bearings on reality.

He is in Tubbo’s home. He’s safe. Safe-ish.

That one was bad. Not the worst, but as far as nightmares go, far from easy. Ponk has offered potions to help Tommy sleep. He hasn’t accepted them. He’s scared he won’t be able to wake up when he needs to. It doesn’t make his nightmares any more bearable.

It takes a few more minutes for Tommy’s racing heart to slow. He stands, looking towards Tubbo’s bed on the other side of the room. He hasn’t stirred. Good. Tommy treads carefully, an act he is well practiced in, and puts on his boots. He grabs the cane from beside the wall, and after a moment of hesitation, he grabs a book he keeps tucked carefully under his mattress.

The cold air clears his head, and despite having a destination in mind, he stops to just look up. He still hasn’t gotten used to seeing the stars again. He could keep watching them. Just to be sure they were going to stay there.

No, he won’t be able to rest until he sees this through.

Tommy goes to the bunker under the hill. His left hand has his cane, which he leans more heavily on going down the steps. The bunker has two floors, Tommy can see into the lower one through the gaps in the floor. He looks down just to be sure he’s alone. Wilbur is to the right, laid gently in a gap cut into the wall just for him, a sheet of glass keeping him from the rest of the room and rot. He looks like he could be sleeping now. He's covered by the same L'Manberg flag they had buried Tommy with. Except for his face. Tommy had needed to be able to see his face.

Tommy stares at him for a moment, right hand pressed to the already smudged glass. “Hey, Wil,” he says it softly, a familiar greeting. He sighs. “You’re still here…”

He wishes that relief were enough. It’s not. Tommy doubts he’ll be able to sleep again tonight. Tommy slowly leans against the wall beside Wilbur’s tomb, sliding to the ground. He reaches for his book. It’s the one with blood on its pages.

Tommy opens it. He feels sick; not for the gore and violence lovingly described on its pages– although, that kind of horror is no stranger to him– but by just a few lines, a simple side note without flourish or fanaticism, not of any particular note to someone else, but to Tommy they’re so cruel it almost hurts.

“I’ve gotten distracted. I started running out of copies. Had to leave Tommy in lockup for a while to make more. It’s stupid. He got to rest while I did the dirty work. Maybe I’ll teach him. Enough that he can do most of it. Not like he’ll ever have the opportunity to use it.”

Maybe I’ll teach him.

Tommy had never imagined there would be a moment where he regretted the timing of his rescue. And yet, here he is. He can’t help but think: how much longer he would he have had to suffer? How much longer would he have had to put off rescue? How many days, how many deaths, how much pain, had been between Tommy and learning how to save his brother?

#dsmp fanfic #my writing #tddd #horror #as always feedback is cherished #sorry this one is a lil shorter #c!Tubbo #Tubbo #c!tommy #tommyinnit #c!quackity #quackity

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traumatizeddfox · 3 years

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The level of unstable and mentally unaware that I've reached is needing people to describe feelings I have so I can know what it is. I know it doesnt make sense and that's the point. I cant tell if I dissociate because I don't know what dissociating feels like. What does detaching from the world feel like, idk?? I just zone out and forget things and feel my body vibrating and have panic attacks and those still don't even feel real to me. My hands dont feel like they're my own sometines and I get that part might be clearly dissociation or depersonalization but what do they even mean by out of body experience?? Can you like imagine seeing yourself from a different angle and that's what you meant by that?? I don't get what they describe as being like a movie. And I cant find detailed descriptions anywhere just the same old general shit that I don't understand because I'm fucking emotionally retarded. (My apologies if that last word came off as ableist in any way, i dont support or encourage any sort of hate towards disabled or neurodivergent people bug that's the only word I could think of that actually meant what I needed it to mean.)

To feel out of body really means, you just don't feel attached to yourself. you feel like you can watch yourself. like for me, i can see myself almost in 3rd person? everything goes blurry, i don't know whats real, feels like a dream etc. its really hard to distinguish these sometimes but its good to see a therapist who can rly help u!

#anon

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freshstartbaby · 4 years

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🎧 Body - Syd

I watched my house, cardbord on the ground, like me, leg crossed. White walls, a little smell of vinegar. Thats what I used to finally clean up everything.

Why do I feel like shit ? I mean one part of me cant wait to be in my new place. But the other ? I really feel like I kind of failed here. I got a job, two to be exact, I can provide for myself. I got few friends and thats it. I was wondering if my mum will ever know if I left the town. Maaaan I got to stop overthinking.

It was 8pm and I was waiting for Theo's call. Thanks to god he told me he will help me wih the moving. His help was so precious. Like always. My phone rang with « Theo 🤍 » on my screen . I picked up

« Sup mister T » I said softly « Hi Rob, you good ? » he answered « I am actually, and you ? » « Good. So you really goin to leave me, you know you can still change your mind » « No way, but you know you will still be in my mind » « And in your heart. Who do you think you are ? » he started to joke « Man where are you ? » I said rolling my eyes with a smile on face « There is a litlle bit of traffic. I be there in 10 minutes. But I think the man who will help us is already there. I fowarded him your number. Did he call ? »

I checked my phone, no missed call

« Nah he didn't » « Ok, get ready I be there soon » « Thank tou Theo » « Everything for you » he hang up

I shook my head slowley left to right. He was so kind to me. He can't be real. Me and Theo knew ourself since 8 years now. He was there to help and provide when no one could. He always was very protective and he is actually the one who gave me my first job: dancer in a club. It wasn't my goal job but I could dance and it will help me paying my bills. Few years later he also refered me in company to work as a personnal assistant. I managed myself to then become a communication assistant. When you look clother, without him, I probably will end up as a cracked or worse.

When we met I was 16 and he was 22. It was a very protective relationship. But the older we get, the akward it became. I mean physically he turned to a man as i turned to a young women. And even if he always shows me mad respect, the way he was watching and talking to me changed. Not in a bad way, but I could feel there was more. I aint gon lie, he is good looking, got money and got pure heart. But i couldnt wiling to lost him if we turned into a relationship. He was one of few people around me. Aint ready to loose one of them.

When I told him that I decided to move in LA, maaaan, he wasn't down for it. But as always, he helped me. He got fews relations so we find a cute flat quickly than I thought. The place was smooth and warm. We flew to LA to visit it, and i actually loved it. So now here I am waiting for a friend of his to move my stuff to LA. Let me get it straight. I aint no baby. I can take care of myself. But when it comes to Theo, he always wants to help. And I aint gonna lie, it feel good to be take care of.

The ring belled, I stood up to open the door. He looked at me, I looked at him.

« Can I help you ? » rising an eyebrow acting like I didn't know him « Stop playing » he said moving in my place « Hi » I said to the man following Theo « Robyn this is Eric, Eric this The New York leaver »

I rolled my eyes and shook my head slowly. Eric and Theo helped me to put my stuff in the truck. It was quickly made thanks to them. Also even if I hadnt much things I droped a lot. Eric told me that they will arrive the next monday in my new place. I thanked him as he left when I felt someone behind me. I turned around found Theo on his phone.

« First of all you didn't say hi »

I pulled him softly in a hug. His hands wrapped my shoulder as he kissed my cheek softly

« Then tell me where do I drop you ? » he said « Alex's place » « Lets go »

He put my suitcase in his trunck and we headed to Alexendra's place. I sold my car few weeks before so he proposed me to drop me where I needed yesterday.

Alexandra is one of my best friend. She's like a sister to be honest. We know each other for like forever and she always be down for me. Im stayin at her place tonight so I can catch my flight tommorow.

The road was silent but confortable. Theo and I like to be quiet sometines. We're the type of people who arent afraid of silence. As we arrived to Alexendra's place we stayed a little in the car.

« You need help with the suit case ? » « Na Im good, but thank you. Thank you for everything. It means a lot» I look at him « Stop saying this like its a goodbye » « Im not » « You better »

We pulled into a thight hug «You know I'm always be around and if you need to come back my door is open» « I hope it will be fine dont say that »

He look at me kiss my cheek and said

« Take care » « You too Theo »

I got off the car, took my suitcase and watched him leave. As we disapear on the corner I called Alex.

« Yes baby » « Im here, remind me your code » « You still dont remember it, you do it on purpose » « Guuuurl what is it ?» « 7110 » « Thank youuuuuu »

I taped the code and got to her place

« Sup baby » « Wassup baby, how you doin ?» « Good and you ? » « Everything is alright, I mean my best friend is leaving in an another town but Im good » « Guuuurl, it is for the better » « I know that, Im just getting emotional » « Dont do that » « Im trying, I swear ! How did you came ? You took a uber ? » « Nah, Theo droped me »

She set down on her large cozy couch eying me with a small smile

« What ? » I asked « Noooothing ! » she tapped the place next to her so I can take place « You just goin to sit down and tell me what's popin between you and this white daddy, finally» she said swith a smirk « Nothing is popin, I already told you that » i said sitting next to her « But you got to admit he is good lookin » « I never said he isnt » « Maybe a little bit skinny but he is still handsome » « He is. » « So he never try to own that » she said pointing at myself « And dont try to tell me no, I saw him plenty time trying to get you. » « Alex, it is not goin to hape- « « Whyyyyyyyy » « Because I dont want to » I said laughin « GURL IS YOU GAY ?» « Oh my god. Alexendra. » « No because if you are it is ok. But you need to tell me, so I can introduce him to friend of mine. Its such a waste » « Whatever » I said looking at her smiling

This girl is so crazy. Full of good vibe. Always pushing me to my best. She is fam yall. Our phones started buzzing at the same time. It was a whatsap phone call from our conversation « Mexico 🥵 ».

With some friends we decided to go on a trip to Mexico. For the big part, I knew them from school or club. As we grew older all of us took different ways but still got mad love for eachother. This week trip was the way to link up. I didnt knew some people like David, Florian and Veronica but everything went well during the organisation so I wasnt « afraid » that they were annoying.

The trip is next Monday so we schedule this video chat to make a last check. With all the stuff with my moving I almost forget about this call. Alex and I were together so I decided not to answer from my phone and step clother to her so we can both be on her screen

« Hi » « Wassup beauties » Alexander says

We all said hi to each other and waited to see if someone was missing.

« Who is missing » I asked « Flo is not here » Betty said « Damn this sleeping guy, let me text him » Alexander answered

As he decided to text him, a new window poped in our screen revealing a big white man shirtless, it seems like he was in his bed.

« My bad, sorry for my lateness, wassup guys » he said in a low voice

I looked at the screen, then at Alex, then the screen again and falled into the catch moving my hand to show to Alex that this man was foooine

We giggle few seconds before getting back to our serious faces.

« Florian that is it ? » Alex asked « Yup » « Time is money you owe us all a drink when we get to the mexico » « Maaaan dont play me like that, I was taking a nap, gym killed me today» he said

Of course he was goin to the gym, look at this chest. I tried to fix my self when we all talked for like an hour about last informations, who will arrive when, who shares room, what type of activites we wanted to do. I cant wait for this trip to be honest. I dont travel that much. I could release the stress from my moving, my new job and the new town I will be living in.

« Rob you still in New York ?» Michael asked « Yeees, my fligt is tomorrow » « Where you goin ? » Betty asked « Moving to LA » I said softly « LA GANG MY MAN ! » Florian shouted « Thats great, really big move » Alexander said « Finger crossed » Veronica « Dont worry, as wherever it will be ok if you work hard enough » Florian said « Oh dont worry she is a hard worker » Alex said miming a blow job

I snaped her head as everyone shared an hard laugh. Few minutes later we hang up. I went to the bathroom, washed myself, my tooth and changed myself in something more confortable. I went back to the living room and find Alexandra on the phone. By the way she was smiling and laughing I could tell it was Alexander. Yeah. This gurl find a boyfriend with the same name. That's kind of cute but it's also so corny. She hanged up, stood uo and went to the kitchen

« Sooooo » « What do you want again ? » i said a smirk in my face « I was wondering » she looked at me with a vicious smile « What is it Alex ? » « Are you down for some dick in Mexico » « You are something else you know that » « Im just asking ! There will be latino guys, foreigner and gurl this man Florian, he is free like the wind » «How do you know that ? » « I asked Alexander » « Mmmmh » « Mmmmh ? Gurl when is the lastime you had a man making you feel right ? I aint talking about relationship because that is another level and I know you trying to put yourself first since...» « Yea no. I'm not ready but let me think » « The fact that you have to think is not ok, you know that if the sexual frustration is not evacueted it can damaged you » « I got toys dont worry » I said putting my finger in a peace sign while im leaving the kitchen

I went to her guest bedroom, sitted on the bed and put my durag on. After sliding under the sheets I did my breath exercise so I could fall asleep faster but I couldn't. It was these exercises or sleeping pills. But I try to use them less and less since few month. They knocked me hard to hard man. After 30 minutes of try, I took my phone and opened Instagram. I scrolled my screen without being focused at all, laugh at fews memes and double tap some post. I tought about what Alex told me. It's true. It been a while since I havent give a man his chance. It didn't went well the last time. Ok here we go overthinking. I shook my hand thinking of how dumb I was when I tought about Florian. He was fine its true but you know men are trash. At least men I have a crush on 😭. I tapped « florian » in the research bar to see if I could find him. I didn't. Im defenatly not a FBI member. I will ask to Alex tomorrow, or not, it's not a good idea.

——-

I was hugging Alexandra thighly at the airport. The voice called the passagers of my flight to get ready.

« I'm goin to miss you crazy ass » I whispered « I'm goin to miss you more Robyn, but stop being weak before I start crying » « Come on aint nobody goin to cry » I push her shoulder « we're tough girls remember ? » « Yea but I wrote you a letter » she gave me a letter as I look at her ready to make fun of her « You wrote me a letter, you must be in love with me » « Of course I am, yo you're my friend soulmate » « Ok you gon make me cry now » « Go get your flight »

I tried to open the letter when she took my hand

« The fuck is you doin, you have to read it in your flight, or when you arrive to your new place but not now » « Okaaaaaaay mrs emotional »

I kissed her cheek and grabed my suit case before leaving

« See you in Tulum baby ! »

I put a peace sign above my head a went take my flight.

As I settled in my seat, I leaned my head back to the couch. Here we go baby. You can do this. You got this. It's goin to be fine. I was motivated myself when my phone buzzed. I watched my phone screen and see that Theo sent me a vocal. I put my AirPods on tap on my screen to listen his whatsap vocal message.

James. Theo James. : « You're in the plane ? »

I send him a quick answer

Robyn ✨: Yup 🛫

James. Theo James. : Ok

I watched the screen as I saw « James. Theo James is writing » when a big as message droped. Oh my god. He is goin to make me cry. Or worse. I rubbed my forehead before start reading.

James. Theo James. :

« Robyn. My baby. I know your flight is getting ready to take off. So I'm writing this to you so you can be ready for this new page.

Im goin to tell you this, and ear me out when I say: You got this.

You're smart, kind, open minded,fierce, talented, reliable, honest and a fighter. I know life ain't did good to you lately, and it's destroying me to see you leave but baby it's a fresh start. Leave all the madness, the pain and the self doubt where you at because LA is goin to be fire baby. No more drama, no more pathetic boyfriend, no more struggling. Put yourself above everything, because you deserve it. Keep your mental healthy. Communicate more, talk free and never be afraid to make people to ear your voice.

As I always say to you, even if the blood don't link us, you mean the world to me. Whenever you need anything blow my phone. I will always have an eye on you even if I know you are and you are becoming a boss a bitch woman every single day.

I know you are goin to kill it.

Text me when you arrive to your new home

I will come visit you in few months

Theo 🤍 »

I closed my eyes, bitted my lips and hold my phone on my chest. Don't cry, don't cr- too late. Tears were all over my face as I try to mute myself. Even I tried to hide it, I was feeling shitty. And those words just gave me the feeling of being discovered. I don't know how it was possible. Even if Theo and I were closed I have difficulties to talk out when I'm not feeling myself. And with this message I knew that all this time he knew how I felt but give me my space.

LA be good to me please.

—-

🎧 1 pound - Brymo

The sunlight woke me this morning. I really need to buy curtains. I mean in the rest of the place it's not that important, but wake this way is so uncomfortable. I like the darkness in my bedroom you know ? And all this light, god chill out 🤣

I stood up and head ou to the bathroom and then to the kitchen. I watched the board where I wrote my to do list yesterday night. Yeaaaa i'm trying to be more disciplined woman. I mean organized but sometimes I get too lazy. Like if I invented the word lazy myself.

End the bathroom Shopping at the supermarket Look for a car End the suitcase Work out (you can do this)

I laugh at myself knowing that I will probably not doing the last one. I washed my dishes and turn on the speaker to get in a better mood. I clean a little some stuff since there was still some cardboard here and there. I find myself dancing in front the big mirror in one of the corridor when my phone rang. I didn't know the number so I turned of the music and clear my throat.

« Robyn Matthew, how can I help you » « Hi Robyn this is William. I am with Olivia, you're on speaker. How are you ? » « Hello Robyn »

Ow my new bosses.

« Oh hello to both of you, I'm great thank you to ask. How about you two ? » « We're good ourself thank you. Have you settled yet ? » « Mmh there is still few unopened cardboards but I'm good » « Good to ear that » « You will love LA » Olivia said « I hope so, how can I help you ? » « Well Robyn we were wondering, sorry to ask again but weren't you supposed to start today ?»

My eyes grew wide as my eyebrow start dancing. I wasn't supposed to start today hell no

« I don't think so, I mean I asked to the RH department to postponed my arrival since I have a trip planned » « Oh my baaaaaaaaaad » Olivia shooted « What is it » he asked to Olivia I think « I totally forgot to tell you, Cindy told me few weeks ago but it disappeared from my mind »

My heart stoped racing fast when I told them

« You scared me ! » « I'm so sorry Robyn, William I'm sorry too » « Oh it's ok, you owe us a coffe when she arrives » « Deal » she said laughing « You better note that, or you will forget it too » « Very funny » « Anyway sorry to have bothered you Robyn » William said « It's fine » « Where are you going ? » Olivia asked « Sorry ? » « You said you are goin on a trip, where is it ? »

I twisted my face. How is that suppposed to concern them ? Robyn stay open, be nice, they're just trying to be nice.

« Tulum » « Oh Mexico, well lucky you » « Oh my god, I wish I could have holidays to a place like this » « Anyway Robyn, enjoy you're trip and come back to us resourced. You can't wait to work with you » « Thank you, see you soon » « Bye »

I hang up, a weird feeling in my guts. I mean they were nice. But I'm not really use to have this kind of conversation with my bosses. I tought that they were a good duo both of them. I find myself a little anxious about having two bosses but it's goin to be fine.

Im goin to tell you this, and ear me out when I say: You got this.

I got this. I wanted to turn back on the music. So I scrolled my screen when I saw an Instagram notification.

@bignasty wants to follow you

My face twisted again. Big nasty ? What the hell is that. I'm sure this is a porn count, or a pervet who will try to slide in my Dm. So many weird people on social medias. Thanks god the private button exists so I can control borders 😂 I clicked on it when I saw his face.

Wow.

I took few step back to my couch as my hand was on my chest. Jesus Christ. I found myself put my hand on my mouth so I don't scream and laugh akwardly. God. It was Florian. I mean I think. No no no it was him. How can you forget a face like this. I hold my breath as scrolled down his feed. This man was... l have no word. I rubbed my eyes trying to get back to earth, with a big dumb smile on my face when my phone rang

Xandra 💍 is calling

I picked up and put her on the speaker. I said hi to her in a low voice, I was feeling like I'm out of breath

« GUUUUUUUURL » she screamed « Wassup » « Did Florian asked you on Ig ? » « He did. » « GIRRRL DID YOU SAW THESE PICTURES ?!!!! » « Alexandra, i was checking him when you called » « GURRRRRRL IF YOU DONT EAT HIM ON THIS TRIP I'M KILLING YOU »

I start rubbing my eye again. He was something else. God. Why do I feel this. Then I found myself playing with my finger, where my engagement ring used to be.

It gave me a quick reminder.

« Ok he is super hot, but don't count on me for that » « You're such a child when you act like that. You know what, I'm sure you pantie is already soaking looking at his pic, so just wait. When he is goin in front of you there will be no « don't count on me for that » » « shut up » « Have you end your suite case ? » « Not yet, I think it will be handle this evening» « Ok look listen to me wisely. I don't know what you choose but switch it all up with sexiest stuff » « I'm tired of you »

We stayed on the phone for like an hour. You know how it is when besties are on the phone. All the day she kept teasing me with Florian but I didn't give attention. But I wanted to make her laugh a little so I teased her with a screen and a meme

She hit me back with a message

« gurl this is too much, you really goin to miss this chance »

What chance ? He just followed me on Instagram. I didn't even accept him yet. He must have a girlfriend, or be a fuck boy. Maybe is he gay. Ok Robyn overthinking AGAIN. It's goin to be cute holidays. I don't want to mess this up.

—— 3836 words

Wassup guys ?

How do you feel about this beginning ?

Is everything understable ? I'm French so you know you girl is struggling a little 🙈

Do not hesitate to give me feedbacks, react, and all that stuff

Next step, Tulum baby 🥵

Take care

NEXT PART

#fanfic #florian munteanu #florian munteanu x black reader #big nasty #bignasty #freshstart

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superspoonie24 · 4 years

Text

BBEG

Lena is a genius but also an idiot. Alex has to save her girlfriend after Lena forgets to cover her drink at the bar. 1500 ish words of pain and a few gay ones mixed in. 💛

Warning: attempted date rape and kidnapping. Nothing fully happens, but it’s still disturbing

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27220495

Alex paced back and forth across the bullpen. She was wracking her brain on what to do.

'Okay so if Lena disappeared about an hour ago that means we have 23 hours left, assuming they're going to ask for ransome. We haven't heard from them so it may not be for ransome and it could just be... No. We'll find her before it gets to that.'

"Detective Danvers," J'onn interrupted.

Alex jumped at her name. 'When did he get here?'

"My office."

"Yes sir."

Alex followed her captain to his office. He closed the blinds and gestured to the couch.

'This isn't good. He never uses the couch. Not unless he's consoling people-'

"Alex."

"Huh?" Alex shook her herself out of her thoughts. "Sorry sir."

"It's alright. Come, sit."

Alex sat down on the couch next to J'onn.

'Yup. This is definitely not good.'

"I know you're worried about her, we all are." J'onn put his hand on Alex's. "And I know you want to help."

"I don't like where you're going with this, sir."

"Listen to me." J'onn squeezed her hand. "I cannot have you working this case-"

"But J'onn!" Alex shouted.

"I said listen!" J'onn stared Alex down and she went silent. "I cannot have you working this case, as it may jeopardize the integrity of the case."

Alex stared at J'onn's face.

'He's up to something.'

"I won't let my best detective ruin her career." J'onn stood up and looked down at her. "I am ordering you to go home, and do something to occupy your mind. Maybe go hunting." J'onn winked, and it finally clicked in Alex's head.

"Understood." Alex stood up and headed for the door.

"And Alex." J'onn grabbed her hand and held it tight. He pulled her into a hug. "Go get 'em."

"Thank you," Alex whispered back.

She left his office and hopped on her bike.

'I'm coming Lena.'

***

Lena moaned at the warm feeling inside her.

"Hmm... Alex... Not tonight..."

She tried to move, but couldn't.

"Alex... I said not tonight..."

Lena tried to bring her hands down, but they wouldn't move. She slowly opened her eyes. They shot wide open upon noticing the cuffs restraining her hands and feet. She looked around, but couldn't recognize anything in the foreign room.

"What. Where am I?"

Lena started to panic. She tugged and pulled on the restraints until blood trickled down her skin.

"Easy there lil' lady."

Lena stilled at the vaguely familiar voice.

"We don't want ya hurt too much now do we?"

The owner of the voice stepped into view. He was a big guy, easily 6'3", with a big beard and a scar on his face. His flannel shirt was hanging open, and his jeans sat low on his waist.

"You're the guy from the bar."

"Aww, you 'membered me."

The man smiled and sat on the bed.

"What do you want?" Lena tried to be firm, but adrenaline was pumping through her veins.

"You o' course."

Lena shivered as he ran his rough hand up her smooth leg.

"Why?" Lena asked, hoping to buy herself some time.

"Dont ya 'member wha I told ya at the bar?" The man pulled back, still sitting on the bed.

"I remember saying no."

"And that righ' there hurt ma feelings very much." He stood up and walked around to the head of the bed.

"You're so pertty. Dem long legs and dat tight ass. How could anyone resist? Specially with dat lowcut shirt you be wearin'."

"That doesn't give you the right to do this!" Lena shouted. Anger replaced the fear flowing through her body.

"Ya know, fer a genius, you ain't dat smart."

"What do you mean?" Lena wracked her brain, but it was all foggy.

"Ya left your drink open. Makes it real easy fer a fella to drop sometin innit."

All of a sudden, Lena's memory of last night crashed into her like a bus.

"You roofied me!" Lena yelled. "Let me go!" Lena started thrashing about, not caring about the blood streaming from her wrists.

"Listen her, bench." The man grabbed her chin and held it tight. "Yer mine. And if you cause anymore trouble, I dont mind using ya dead. Got it?"

Lena swallowed and mumbled "yes".

"Good. Now give me a kiss 'fore I go."

Before Lena could do anything, his lips were on hers. She gagged at his foul breath, but managed to kiss him back.

"Don't go anywhere..."

The man laughed and closed the door.

"Alex... Hurry..."

Lena closed her eyes against the rising tears.

***

'Come on Lee..' Alex thought to herself. 'Where'd ya go?'

Alex went to Lena's apartment and looked for clues. There was nothing out of the ordinary there.

'Dammit.' Alex muttered as she hopped on her bike. 'I swear if she was at that bar again, I'm gonna kill her.'

Alex sped off into the wee hours of the morning to the dive bar Lena's known to frequent.

***

Alex ignored the cluster of catcalls that erupted when she entered the bar. She walked up to the bartender and slammed down a picture of her and Lena.

"Was she in here tonight?"

"What's it to ya?"

"Well..." Alex grabbed his tie and pulled him down to whisper in his ear. "she's missing. And if I find out she was here, and you kept it from me, I'll charge you with the people who took her."

Alex could hear his gulp in the now silent room.

"Y-yes. She w-was here," the poor man stammered. "She got a drink and left with a big bearded guy a couple hours ago."

"Was she walking funny?" Alex tightened her grip on his tie.

"Y-yes. Practically leaning on the guy."

"And you didn't think to stop it? To call the police?"

"N-no." The man swallowed. "Look I'm sorry. I didn't know. I- I can give you the guy's a-address if you want?"

"Fine."

Alex released his tie and he sighed in relief before writing down the name and address.

"That can't be his real name," Alex scoffed.

"It's what's in the machine!"

"You better pray she's okay."

Alex picked up the picture and left the man quivering behind the bar. She slammed the door and hopped on her bike.

'Please be okay Lena...'

***

The door creaked open and Lena stopped all movement, even breathing.

"Oh my god. Lena!" Alex shouted as she ran over to her girlfriend.

"Alex!" Lena sighed in relief. "Please, hurry. I don't know when he'll be back."

Alex ran her hand over her forehead and smiled.

"I thought I lost you."

A single tear dropped onto Lena's cheek.

"Well what do we got here?"

Alex and Lena froze at the sick and twisted voice.

"Are ya s'posed to be this doe's mate?"

Alex turned around and faced him. She slowly moved her head up and took in the body twice her size. She kept her face firm as he stepped closer.

"Yea. What about it?"

"How cute." The man sneered. "Two does pretending they don't need a buck."

The man stepped closer until he was towering over Alex.

"Pathetic."

He placed his large hand around Alex's throat and lifted her off the ground.

"Stop it!" Lena screamed. "Don't hurt her."

Alex struggled to get out of his monstrous grasp. She kicked her feet wildly, hoping to either hit him or find something to stand on.

"Fine."

Alex crumpled to the floor, taking in ragged, desperate breaths.

"I'll come back for her later."

He grabbed Alex's cuffs and cuffed her hands around the foot of the bed.

"Right now," the man paused and climbed on the bed. "It's you I want."

Lena's mind spun as she caught the whiskey on his breath. She tried to pull back, but it was useless. He brought his hands to her tear stained blouse and ripped it open. He tore off her bra and chucked it across the room.

"Stop it!" Alex shouted, trying desperately to get up. "Leave her alone!"

"Hush doe." The man hissed. "You'll get ya turn."

Lena cried as he slid her skirt down her long, pale legs. She closed her eyes and resigned herself to this fate when the door busted open.

"NCPD PUT YOUR HANDS UP!"

A fully armed rescue team came and pulled the monster off of Lena.

"Cutting it kinda close don't ya think?" Alex laughed as she rubbed her wrists.

"Hey, I'm not the one that got chained to a bed." Teased J'onn.

"Oh shut up."

Alex turned and helped Lena sit up. J'onn handed her his coat and Alex wrapped it around Lena.

"Thank you for saving me."

Lena gave Alex a gentle kiss on the lips.

"Always Lee." Alex smiled and hugged her girlfriend. "Now about that bar..."

"I know. I know. Don't go to them anymore."

"Or at the very least, cover your drink." J'onn added.

The three walked out of the house and towards the ambulance. They couldn't help but overhear the squad of cops arresting their assailant.

"BBEG, you are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law..."

"BBEG?" J'onn asked.

"Big Bad Evil Guy." The lovers answered in unison.

"How do you know-"

"Kara."

#whumptober2020 #no.22 #drugged #supergirl #fic #aly writes #date rape #roofied #almost noncon #alex saves the day #agentcorp #alex x lena #gay #detective alex #genius lena #lena is an idiot #kara is a dork

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