#i dont like when this happens
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i have neither a good imagination nor aphantasia, but a secret third thing
#adhd#doodles#show this to your therapist instead of failing to explain it like i did#me: its like i cant control my thoughts like i was trying to think of something earlier today but#all i could think of was this giraffe eating leaves and no matter how hard i tried to focus the thought would just. replay#my therapist: what happens if you try to let the thought just play out#me: ........ i dont know but i dont want it to be there at all when im trying to do simple addition in a maths exam#10k#100k
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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the interesting thing is that when you say things like 'the united states is beyond saving' people view that as a defeatist statement that is giving up on the hope of a better future, but frankly the thought of a significant number of people on the planet being willing and able to say that there is no place for colonial empires in their vision for the future is, to me, a much brighter and more hopeful political standpoint than the thought of being stuck in a perpetual cycle of choosing 'the lesser of two evils' as the overton window pushes further and further to the right with nothing but enthusiasm from our so-called progressive party.
#when this country finally dies - which it will someday! - the world will celebrate and be correct to do so#now to be clear i dont think this is going to happen in our lifetimes. but i think its something any sensible person should root for#people seem to act like 'giving up on redeeming US democracy' is the same as 'giving up on the entire concept of politics' which is. lol
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FNAF movie Vanessa’s thoughts when meeting Abby..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#mike schmidt#fnaf vanessa#vanessa afton#vanessa shelly#abby schmidt#fnaf movie#fnaf fanart#ANOTHER Vanessa thoughts comic 🔥#Vanessa is so funny I love her BAHAH#LISTEN.. many thoughts on this scene#TBH when Vanessa meets Abby you actually can see on her face like#how worried she gets about her being around#I THINK she knew deep down if her father found out about her what could happen#and I think that’s why she gets so upset when Abby is at the pizzeria#BUT I THINK everyone picked that up#THE OTHER THING I DONT see many people talk about#is the fact Vanessa thought Mike had a kid for like a second#LIKE STRAIGHT UP calls Abby Mike’s daughter#SHE TRULY misread the situation#she thought Mike got some fr#love that scene too#especially Abby’s reaction she just says ‘ew’ 💀#ABBY DOES not wanna be Mike’s kid 💀💀💀#I wonder if Vanessa felt embarrassed after lowkey like oops
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It wants me it totally does that's why there's scraping on my window and songs and little things I see and vivid thoughts it wants me and it wants me dead
#don't let them see this!#i dont know what the fuck just happened.#weird scraping sounds#and last night there was this sound of singing like in my dream and when i asked around nobody else heard it#and i feel like im being watched and i swear to god something is aftwr me#i know theres something after me and ive had it happen before i swear#i hate the vivid thoughts. i hate how i can feel them.#i hate#before it was that one fella who ran up to me and scared me who dissapeared who watched me#now its something totally different and i feel dumb and i am Scared all the time again#i dont like when this happens#there was another before but memories blocked. so. darn.#what if its in the vents? i hear clicking and tapping from the vents all the time#eghhhh
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corvidae
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#blood/#yuuji#im not tagging this as spoilers idc sue me . iykyk but i dont think it's obvious enough at all 2 warrant the tag#idrk what this is sorry ive been having a hard time drawing n feeling inspired lately :'>>> so it goes#i find i tend to default to drawing birds when that happens ???#did it with gojo did it with shiro and now it's yuuji's turn ig#sometimes it's helpful to just . mess around with a whole bunch of brushes until something looks ok#and birds and feathers lean soooo well 2 playing around w brushes theyre very forgiving#flowers also kind of so i threw in some camellias bc i figured why not add More Red#i think they mean something that's probably relevant but i was more looking fr the shape of the petals#th rounded tops blend rly seamlessly with the way i rendered th feathers so i am like!!!! nice#just checked also apparently red camellias just mean love and devotion lmao should have guessed#'perishing with grace' also hm hm hm that's kind of wild with th crows#anyway i didn't put too much thought in2 this one so i won't talk fr ages about the symbolism it's all pretty much right there#anyway ty fr being patient with me im sorry draws have been slow :<#ill come out of it ill bounce back!
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thinking about the way ghost doesn't hesitate to start killing shadows when graves betrays them but soap only takes one hostage
you can almost hear the voice in his head telling him it doesn't have to be this way; they can still talk it out
"i'm calling shepherd"
his first instinct when confronted with betrayal is to play it by the books: to go up the chain. that goes against everything we've seen him do. he bucks authority at every chance except for the one time he's confronted with the barrels of his allies' guns
he wants a peaceful resolution; for the first time we've ever seen, he doesn't want violence to be the answer. there has to be another fix, a solution that doesn't end with him killing the same men he's been working with; his friends
nothing's happened yet
it doesn't have to go this way
but ghost has been betrayed before. he knows the way this ends; either with him six feet under or his enemy
he doesn't hesitate
it's only when they knock alejandro out that soap shoots; when they spill the first blood and cross a line they can never come back from
only when ghost orders him to run and he has to cover his retreat
and somewhere along the line, between civilians’ screams and taunting voices, between his shaking breath and ghost steady in his ear, that naivety is stripped away; his trust turned to teeth that he uses to sink into throats of men he'd have given his life for
"be careful who you trust, sergeant; people you know can hurt you the most"
he's learned the price of trust
just like ghost did
but unlike ghost, he has someone to guide him through the aftermath
"good advice, It"
#im gonna add these to my notfics on ao3 i think i have a Lot of these floating around#a bit shorter than my other metas but i think its something that gets missed when people talk about alone#soap is a violent man#his career literally trains him to shoot first ask questions later#and yet he still tries his best to avoid blood when faced with betrayal#and you realise it actually does fit him#soap cares about the men he serves with#he wants to save the men at the crash site he checks on a downed soldier he asks about civilians about alejandros family#hes very tuned into the people around him#and he cant turn that off until hes forced to#until graves gives him a reason to hate him#and all of that previous care and consideration goes out the window#‘makes me want to commit a few war crimes of my own’#dont cross soap#you want like what happens if you do#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#talk meta to me#soap cod#john soap mactavish#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#ghoap#ghostsoap#soapghost#meta#phillip graves#graves cod#save post
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pin-up
b&w originals
#my art#basslinegrave art#venture bros#dr. girlfriend#dr. mrs. the monarch#the monarch#henchman 21#ok so. pin up and pinned butterflies. tell me thats not the best idea ever#did i manage to pull it off how i wanted? maaybe? i do like these but i wish i had used the same color settings for all#when using the howsitcalled. gradient map things. because they dont look as uniform#but i was lazy to redo dr mrs especially plus i like how she looks i just couldnt get monarch and 21 the same#also somehow these look better and more colorful on my pc?? usually its on my phone i dont know what happened#also i ended up adding one colored thing to each because i first colored in dr. mrs' eyes#then realized the other two dont have colored eyes but 21 has the red lenses. but monarch??#i only went over the logo on his chest a bit with a more reddish color but its not too visible so well#imagine its better and they all match properly...#hope i got the butterfly names right#those were last minute additions after i learned about the viceroy butterfly yesterday#dr mrs is a queen butterfly#ask to tag#suggestive#wanted to put that as one of the top tags but i wrote it with a typo so i hope tumblr picks it up this low#also forgor to say i put my crunch handle on these cause they were meant to go on that blog ignore that#i think i forgot to add one to monarch or i hid it that well lmao#my 2 braincells rubbed the wrong way
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Here's a Cult of the Lamb comic that I scripted on a whim and then spent. Actual time on.
I hope y'all like this cuz it was fun to make and. I spent actual time on it lmfao
(Also for the "brought Narinder back" line. I started a new save and I swear between my two saves he's died three times. This guy. Goodness gracious.)
#cult of the lamb#cult of the lamb fanart#cotl#cotl fanart#cotl narinder#cotl lamb#not gonna tag the other bishops or sozo cuz theyre in it for like. 1 panel so i dont think that counts#see this is what happens when i get stressed out and have big feelings. i make stuff lmfao#but yea this was fun. and yea its 'angst' or whatever but its not sposed to be taken super seriously or anything#(unless u want to. i cant tell u what to do ig lmfao)#but yea this was fun. enjoy this thing that i spent actual time on.
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mating press is so objectively ugly ... embarrassing
#why was i looking this up on images and ninja mutant turtle inc*st was like the fourth image??? ummmmm ok#anyway it's still happening i just dont like thinking abt what it looks like from far away#i prefer it when its not so......... x shaped? i guess#i like it better when it's more... ankles by ears man is kneeling#IM JUST SAYING#ive gravitated back to my weird toji + kids au lmaooo#cuz i made a cake today and it got me thinking abt it#when will i write something of substance please#caitie blabs
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danyal al ghul memes because i don't think i've done those yet for this au.
(the jason one is in reference to the fanon headcanon/au that Jason and Damian potentially knew each other and interacted while jason was in the league. I've thought about it before in context of this au, but haven't thought about it enough to feel inspired or motivated to make a post exploring the idea)
(diablito means, as you can guess, 'little devil'. while i'm neutral to latino jason, i think the nickname is cute as fuck and was danny's main nickname from Jason. i don't wanna touch that timeline so im not gonna decide how old they were when Jason was there.)
Skulker: i am the ghost zone's greatest hunter! i capture and hunt creatures both rare and dangerous. Danyal: a poacher?? you're a poacher?? you poach animals??Skulker:...i sense i've made a mistake of some kind.
anyways that was the day that Skulker cemented himself as Danny's no.1 opp, and still remains there to this day even if he and Vlad are both viciously fighting for second. Out of everyone in the the AP rogues gallery, Skulker will be the first to be thrown under the bus in terms of 'o shit here comes phantom fucking RUN'.
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#danyal al ghul au#dpxdc memes#danyal al ghul#dpdc#truly the epitome of “i dont faster than the bear i just need to be faster than YOU”#regardless of when Jason was with the league he *does* know that Danny loved Damian. don't ask me about the timeline because it'll be#*messsyyyy* and i've seen plenty of aus where jason was there while Damian as an infant so i can totally believe this could happen i just#need to do the mental gymnastics for it. not even. baby im faceplanting right into the mat and not getting up#the last meme is a tiktok sound that i found and thought was hilarious. and would also ABSOLUTELY be a story danyal would tell the#family after reuniting and developing a bond with them. damian has no recollection of this but is embarrassed nonetheless#danny spat that story out when he over heard damian claiming he doesn't have any embarrassing stories from the league. danny beat jason#to the punch and in the most deadpan voice said 'i remember you walking into my room. as a toddler. in nothing but a diaper. and picking#a marble up off the floor and holding it out. like the skull of yorick. before putting it as far down your throat as possible. i had to#stick my entire arm down your esophagus to pull it out. and save your life' before walking away#i got the ages wrong in the last image so just assume that danny recently turned seven and damian is like#18 months old#about a year and a half.
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tfw when ur friend wants to arrest ur emotional support war criminal
#crk fanart#crk au#white lily cookie#pure vanilla cookie#shadow milk cookie#shadowvanilla#pureshadow#my drawbs#amnesiac au#the way i tried to post this last night but the post exploded like i dont know what happened lets see if it does it again#anyways i love when characters are too overfamiliar with others i think its funny#stop taking your clothes off i havent even gotten you an outfit#btw how do u tell someone they like maybe killed thousands and destroyed their own kingdom-
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started playing ace attorney
#ghhhrrr. i dont like them. i hope something bad happens actually#bugs when you lift up a rock#ace attorney#maya fey#miles edgeworth#phoenix wright#ya
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oh thank god
#art from a while back#i played hk first and deepnest was like. the most uncomfortable ive ever been playing the game#mainly because its just so DARK#as for rw... when i got to shaded...... what the actual Hell#i eventually got used to just dying in the dark and exploring the first parts of the region but like. Why is it pitch black#i didnt even realize there was a path to the scav merchant at the first room..... i got to memory crypts before finding it in my next run#hollow knight#rain world#hk ghost#rw slugcat#rw survivor#artatat#?!?@?@?@?@ the alt text got removed for a sec Sorry about that im not sure why or how that happened#also im completely aware deepnest without a lantern is much darker but atleast it isnt pitch black. You know#i also wanna add on the fact i entered deepnest after the mantis lords and thought. “what kind of winning gift is this!?!?!?”#and felt like cornifer for the first couple of minutes LOL#but i had nowhere to go so womp womp :P#to clarify: i dont hate shaded its actually my top route to go from industrial to shoreline#but i hate deepnest with all my heart❤️ godbless#reading the rbs here is so fun.... so true guys#digital art
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more weird zinks because im insatiable lately. tentatively titled "damn girl yuor some kind of wretched beast"
silly bonus doodle:
#zelda#light dragon#zelink#totk#totk spoilers#loz#loz fanart#zelda totk#for the record. i dont actually think she gets That Weird post-draconification. like i think she keeps sharp nails + teeth but thats it#BUT. i do like to think her eyes get Weird when she uses her powers and it absolutely scares the shit out of link everytime <3#shes fine though. dont worry#i love doing this desat palette with her and light dragon stuff i might be a little obsessed. sorry (it will happen again)#my art
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Step Forward - Part 3 They are going on a date!!! Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 Check out my tags for fun facts XD
Kofi
#perryshmirtz#heinz doofenshmirtz#human perry#phineas and ferb#perry the platypus#human!perry#human perry the platypus#agent p#fanart#dr doofenshmirtz#dr heinz doofenshmirtz#pnf fanart#pnf fan comic#disney fanart#disney series#fan comic#comic#artists on tumblr#prtz long comic#So sorry I took so loong#step forward#I struggled with composition and well anxiety lmao so thank you for your patience#Perry does talk in this story#He starts talking when he calls Heinz's name and asks him out#If you dont like talking Perry you can pretend that he signs all the time#selective mutism#The book/notebook doesnt hit Heinz's foot#I kinnda wanted it to happen but I didnt want to make it longer than it was#just imagine him being all shocked and then his book hits his foot and starts screaming while Perry patiently waits for his response#I have some of the script for the next chapters already
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