#i dont like fwb. i hate doing that because then the love is one-sided

[cherienic]

I hate falling inlove what the fuck

[whore4billie]

GO AWAY - M.S

Summary- Y/N and Matt have been fwb for around 3 months now. Except the friends part isnt really there. Its more of just fuck buddies honestly. He was fucking multiple girls and there was no feelings involved with anyone..... but y/n had stupidly caught feelings for Matt. She knows she should hate him she knows she should get rid of him, block him on everything and move away from Boston so he cant find her, but she can't. She keeps going back.

Warning(s)- swearing, breaking down, mentions of sex, nothing else I dont think.

Not proofread as usual LMFAO

its around 10pm and all i could think about is Matt. I cant get him out of my stupid head. This isnt what friends with benefits entails. And i know he doesnt feel the same. Its been about 2 hours since i texted him and he saw it almost an hour ago. I text him again.

to: Matty❤🖕

Busy wit your side hoes? Tell Khloe or Missy or Julia or Tiff or whoever your balls deep inside I said hi dickhead 🙄🖕

From: Matty❤🖕

You need to chill out, you act like we are actually together or something but the main thing is were not together. We never will be. We're friends with benefits were fuck buddies whatever you wanna call it but we. Are. Not. Together. Got it? So why the fuck do you care if i sleep with someone else so much?

Fucking ouch. I felt a sting in my chest there was no need to be so harsh. I hold back my tears as i type my reply.

To: Matty ❤🖕

I dont care but i just dont want your other hoes STDS thank you very much

No Matt im lying I do care because im in love with you. I care about you sleeping with other people because I want you for myself. And it hurts so fucking bad seeing you flirting with other girls and hearing about the other girls youve slept with. But i cant tell you that.

I check to see if he's replied. Read- 2 minutes. Why am i suprised. I need to get him out my life. He's messing with me he knows exactly what hes doing. I go to his contact and press block. Done. So why am i still thinking about him. Maybe if i put music on it'll distract me. I press shuffle on my playlist and go away by Tate Mcrae came on. Oh for fucks sake.

"Everytime you look at me it's never enough for you it cant be fair to me cuz boy you know im so damn in love with you"

The universe is against me.

"Oh I've been stuck seeing your face in everyone shouldn't have played in your game of fun now i dont think im okay you never go away"

"Oh enjoy the show you seem to love when im alone you like to care until you don't now i dont think im okay you never go away"

Really? I cant escape Matt. Everything reminds me of him. Ok maybe I just need sleep.

-Matts pov-

Matts going out tonight with a girl from bumble. He found her on there and shes the only one hes actually liked on there. He texts Y/N

To: y/n

Youre a freak. You act like we are actually together we're just fwb remember. Get that into your thick ass skull im not interested

[Text isnt available to send click here to try again]

To: y/n

You blocked me? The fuck?

She blocked me? The fuck? What the fuck is her issue. Fuck this I'm cancelling that date and im going to Y/ns.

It's about 3am when i get to Y/n's house and I text her to open the door.

[Text isnt available to send click here to try again]

Oh for fuck sake im still blocked. I start knocking on her front door and notice her bedroom window is open. "I know youre home open this damn door" i shout up to her. She's being so childish why is she even mad?

-Y/n's pov-

I wake up to banging at my front door and check the time: 3:26am. Who would be here at 3am for fuck sake. I look out my bedroom window and see Matt banging on my front door. "Matt fuck off its 3am I dont wanna speak to you" i shout from my bedroom window. "Why are you being like this? Open the damn door and talk to me like an adult I didnt do anything wrong here you're getting unnecessarily mad about this" Matt yells back. The nerve of this bitch. "I'm not unnecessarily mad Matt I have every right to be mad. Your fucking with my head and you know damn well what your doing Matthew so don't act like you dont" I shout in a whisper, my voice breaking. "Why because you're stupid ass caught feelings? Why the hell is it my fault you cant keep your emotions in check? Thats not my problem." Matt yells. Well ouch. What the fuck is wrong with him? Who does he think he is? "Matt im not doing this with you" i shut my bedroom window and slide to the ground in sobs. What. the. fuck.

_________________________________________

So this is pt1 lmk what you think gimme brutally honest opinions on this idc if theyre rude be brutaly honest

@recklesssturniolo @caroline12b @chrisfavoritepepsi @mattscokewhore @sturnioloshacker @freshloveforthefit @carolsturns1 @carolinalikesthings @mangoposts @sturniozo @luvmxtt @mattestrella @lacysturniolo

[dangaer]

as promised, please find a little bit more about my cxm and cupi.para muses below!

colla.r x malice has so much untapped possibilities it's actually amazing! aij.i and mine.o are both former cops ( investigations and field ops specifically ) who are now part of a separate private investigation unit. they're absolutely perfect for your standard whodunnit plot: did your muse end up on the wrong side of town and become the only witness to a crime related to adonis? did your muse kill someone else and now has ended up having to play a seperate role? did they know the deceased, and may now have a key piece of information? these guys will be right up your alley!

talking about bodies ... kagey.uki, in turn, is a forensics scientist investigator. recently appointed as the head of the government mandated group investigating the same group that aij.i and mine.os gang is. his area of expertise is profiling. he's going to be at the crime scene, but he's also going to want to get to know people around the crimes at the same time. if you're looking for a bit of spice in your life, we could explore the route of an prolific interview, a conversation where it's clear he is analysing your muse to an extremely dedicated level! he has another side of him that is more spoiler specific, so if you're looking to go further into his route / character please feel free to message.

kei has a bit more of a ... unique route. the only character who isn't directly linked with investigations but rather an special officer himself. his role is mainly bodyguarding influential figures, such as politician's or celebrities. his current goal is hanging around aij.i yana.gi and his team because they are his latest group to protect! the fact i've written him for at least 2 years without getting a bodyguard plot is insane :( please let him protect your muse. or, what if ... your muse is going against the person he's going to protect? who doesn't like a fight?

saeki can follow the same path as them all regarding crimes but truthfully as an officer he'll be handling much else outside of it. he's also a frequent bar goer who is ... pretty infamous for doing silly things went drunk. he's just a silly little guy. ( with some spoiler related plots but feel free to dm for those!)

with them all having such unique characters the idea of dynamics where people meet them for their eccentricities / unusual personalities but then meet them when they're on the job. so they can see both sides of the dynamics, muse specific though - i think they all kinda deserve a childhood friend. a.iji was a bit of a delinquent and kageyu.kis is a bit spoilery ... but something about having someone by your side is very. yeah!

cupi.d parasite has some great characters. shelb.y snail is a ceo for a massive corporation: cup.id corp. black tie events, business meetings and deals could also be a potential avenue for other potential business based muses. to flip side this. his route has one of my favourite plot points: fake / pretend relationship. not to live your lynette dreams but ... i think fake / pretend rel plots are fun. they dont have to end with love, our muses can actually hate each other. lets see who poisons the glass first, shall we?

rau.l is actually the loml but also an famous actor of many action movies. he grew up, and still has interest in, archaeological sites. does your muse tend to go exploring places like this on their own? even find themselves easily lost in museums or other places holding immense history? he's right up your own alley! he's an absolute fountain of knowledge and always happy to ... overshare, perhaps. ive spoken about them before but he's infamous in having fwb relationship - come on, fwb with an actor??? can you say no to that???

alla.ns occupation isn't as star studded, but that doesn't mean he isn't involved in a lot of scandal. is your muse struggling to get over someone they love? well, alla.n is particularly your type for the fact he loves that sort of thing. there's a, uh, supernatural secret hes holding but that is ... a secret unless you wish to be spoiled or have played the game. either way we can play around with this twist just as much, too!

to list gil.ls occupation, there's simply a major list: ceo, author and editor. compared to shel.by who comes off as work oriented, gil.l is very much understanding to the personal balance, to which he will be a strong advocate of spending time for your house too! anyone who is a fan of literature, perhaps even love stories, may find themselves interested in the: ' love letter to you series ', which him meeting a fan who has read his works? would be such a cute idea. or someone who reads it and finds his way of writing not quite so great ... the angst would be so fun: the cliche, he's right behind me moment isnt he? gil.l wont take offence, he'll just simply understand and call it a day.

these guys are notorious for being liked but similarly rejected, professionals at being dumped on dates and infamously known on a dating companies list as the most problematic customers. talking to them about love would truly be a fun twist, though simply being their friends and living through whatever they have to offer is also another flick of the switch. i really want more black tie threads, and i think they bring the perfect opportunity for that!

[whosadu]

a note i wrote for the guy i love (he has a gf now, but nvm)

when i first met you, i never thought this is how we'd end up. never. you were this absolute perfect human being and i was a random girl crushing over you, never imagining in my whole life that this is the guy i'd love. love is a heavy word for me. i don’t throw it around easily. you’re there for me for everything, whether shit happens with my mom, other people, or maybe just me being dramatic, you’re always there. even when you’re in a bad mood or pissed at me (which you rarely are but nvm). i didn't fall in love with you because i had no one else. it was a choice. i don't want you to just be a fling of mine. i want you by my fucking side. poets would take a step back if i had to explain my feelings towards you. you get me. im a mess of a person. with my mood swings, my abandonment issues, my attachment issues and my fear of being alone. i hate it when my whole body aches and screams in pain because of my fear of abandonment. it starts so slowly and consumes me so damn fast. it's like a prison, where the silence becomes my cellmate, and the shadows of solitude gracefully dance around me. in these moments, i feel like a young child left alone, even though youth surrounds me. you don't make me feel like that it's honestly something alien. you make me feel at peace. you're the only guy i've ever been comfortable with. ever. and we know eachother. there's no one else in this whole wide world who knows me better than you do. and there's no one else who'd make you feel more loved, other than me. so this is me, swallowing my pride, writing to you. i don't want you to just be a fling, just a mere fwb situationship or just more than friends, less that lovers shit. i want you to be wholly mine. the same way i'll be wholly yours. here am i, trying to talk to other guys, trying to find a glimpse of you in them. but i've realised, maybe you're the one i'm meant to be with. you know every side of me. the one that rants about her family, the one that yaps constantly about the dumbest things ever, the one that is stressed about her academics, the one that is just so pissed that she doesn't even wanna talk. you know it all. and i know how you rant about your day, yapping about your gym incidents, your shoots, your friends, how you don't get stressed about your academics even though you probably should be, and how you've been wronged in your past by many people. i can handle your ghosting phases, and i can handle your bad haircut phases, or your tuesday fast tired self. i can handle your lame ass humour and your fashion advice that never fails. i want your bad angle selfies and your tired nights. i know you love receiving gifts even though you say you dont. i know about your birthmark on your ear. i know about the story behind the missing stone of your favourite ring.i know it all. what's more left to say. we're already bestfriends. but i don't wanna be that. i wanna be more. i know you probably love me as a friend but we'll make it work. our bond is deeper than that. maybe this thing is temporary. but i don’t mind being temporary as long as it means i’m temporary with you. i want to make up for the all the love you never thought you deserved, all the love that was stolen from you. i want to be the one that makes you laugh. the one that will always have your back in this fucked up world. the one who'll forgive you no matter what. i know your favourite songs and you can tell me about your dreams and we can live, in peace. be the source of all love and comfort. i just hope you realise, i'm the one for you.

[bitchlessdino]

i have a "your mutuals as..." question for you! you don't have to answer but i think this is a cool question (:

your mutuals as tropes?

I put a lot of thought into this. it was very fun but stressful for me lol. If I don't mention you it doesnt mean i dont love you but my brain slips or i think theres more i need to know about you <3

@onlyseokmins :childhood friends to lovers bc elv gives off this sweet wholesome vibe that makes you feel like you've known her forever. i can just imagine you being yearned for and bringing this warm sensation in someone's chest. You know everything about each other. You're just this pure light. Someone's safe space. You give nostalgia and also love.

@honeykyeom :Soulmate au; you ever meet someone that is alike you in so many ways? Someone that you somehow miss repeatedly despite breathing the same air, standing in the same town, in the same place. You're somehow always caught in several of the same frame and never met eyes, until you do. It feel like magic. It feels serendipitous but really it's fate. You were always meant to find each other.

@userwoosan :Enemies to lovers SHDGJKGSDJ you're honest, blunt, and true to yourself. I imagine you meeting someone similar like that and it gets hot and heavy, your hate melts into something more vulnerable and real. its sweet and because you've already shown these angry sides of yourselves you otherwise wouldn't show other people, its forever. you're completely just yourselves.

@seokgyuu :You're a holiday fling. Someone that you meet in a foreign place and instantly fall for them the moment your eyes meet. this instant connection that is so rare and unconventional you grip it for dear life. It's also kind of forbidden because it suppose to be temporary but they just fall deeper and deeper for you. the question is do they leave at the end of the trip or do they stay with you, the person they're now irrevocably in love with.

@himbocoups :fake relationship; not only do i remember you saying this is one of you fave tropes (if I'm wrong call me out) but bc of your natural flirty personality, i imagine many falling for you so to stop it once and for all is a fake partner. But not falling for, lets say cheol, a lot harder than you realize bc he's really good at being a fake BF. now you're wishing the fakeness of this all was real.

@multi-kpop-fanfics : FWB to lovers. Zeta is hot so i imagine you getting with someone just as hot and cool with you and not realize it until over spicy times together. Independence is 1st and foremost one of the biggest thing between you and the thought of a relationship happening didn't make that likely. You knew the sexual chemistry was there but realizing there's emotional chemistry, genuine connection, it's scary. But maybe that's exactly what you were unintentionally looking for.

@heartkyeom : Opposites attract; i think about your bias and how he is so much more timid than you in some ways, and you both think there are things you can't do that the other can do, and vice versa. Some people may think you're complete opposites from another but that's ok because you know there's no one else that understands you better than your partner. Your differences are your strengths and what make you both perfect together.

[chososcamgirl]

HEYYY SIGMA ALPHA IYAAA GMMM HRUUUU ‼️🔥🤗 DAILLYYY CHECK INNN TIMEEE YK ITT RISE AND GRINDDD 🐺🐺

IM SERIOUSLY LACKING IN MY ASKS RECENTLY SO IM SORRY ABOUT THAT POOPIE PLS DONT BITE ME 😖😰

IM SO GLAD WORK IS GOOD BUT TRY AND GET MORE REST ‼️🔥 U CAN DO IT I BELIEVE IN U ALPHA 🤞🐺

IM GONNA RETURN THE CHARGER TODAY (and hopefully buy some things 😈😈) BUT GIRLLL I DO NOTTT WANT TO PAY THAT FEE URNENRNR KINDA WISH I WENT BACK AND RETURNED IT BUT IT WAS RLLY LATE AND WOULD HAVE BEEN DANGEROUS AND A GIRL NEEDS TO GET HER PRIORITIES STRAIGHT YKYK⁉️

OKKK THOUGHTS ON LAST CHAPTER 😈🐺🔥

nadnndbMDNDNEISNSNDNE DNENENEKE FUCK DUXK FIXKKKK I KNEWWWW IT WAS GONNA BE MEGUMI THANK YOU QUEEN FOR NOT GIVING IN TO SUKUNA BECAUSE GODDDDD 😭😭🔥🔥 BUT OMFGG??? “‘YOU SURE YOU DONT WANT TO STAY?’” OH MY GODD I AM SATTT UGHH THE PET NAMES, PERSONALITY SWITCH, EVERYTHING OMFGGG I WOULD HAVE CLUNGGGG ONTO THAT FUCKING MAN OMG YHE CHOKEHOLD THAG THIS CHAPYER HAD ON MEEE UGHHHEHHEHEHESK

IM SUCHHHH A SLUT FOR CLINGY MEN PLEASEEE LIKE OMFG JUST FUCK ME ALR HWBEBEBSKENNEND TWEAKING RN CUS THATS LITERALLY SO 🤗😍🔥😚🤤 I NEED SOMEONE LIKE THAT SOO BAD KEND GNAWING AT MY ENCLOSURE AND DROOLING RN OMG THE WAY I WOULD FORGET ALL OF HIS RED FLAGS LIKE I GUESS YN IS STRONGER THAN ME AFTER ALLLLLL WNNENEN AND THE FACT MEGUMI WAS WAITING FOR THAT TEXT OMGG ITS A NEED NOT A WANT 😍😍 ME AND WHO??? LIKEE WHENS IT MY TURN

the ai anon… I AM OUTTTT TO GET U HOW DARE U HO.. 👿👿 but iya.. ur writing is so fire you got your first allegation.. THATS HOW U KNOWW U MADE IT WHEN PEOPLE START ACCUSING U OF SHIT ‼️ guessing ai anon said that out of jealousy bc they can’t cook like you can iya but still.. ai anon i am OUT to get u 😡😡 the new chapter was SO FULLING KMFG IM FILLEDDD (in more than one way)

THANK YOU FOR BLESSING US ONCE AGAINNN IGNORE AI ANON THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEYRE TALKING ABOUTT UR SO FYA 🔥🔥

toge running in on yn… omfg the way I RECOILED. Like I would just start digging my grave ON THE SPOT bc you KNOW I would never be caught sleeping with the ops (unless toge was the op but he would never be one 🥰😍🤗 [please let me hit im so desperate] “‘…but you owe me.’ There was a glint in his eyes, hinting at the mischief he always seemed to conjure.” OH OKAY 😍😍 WHAT WOULD THE FAVOR BE⁉️⁉️ 🤤🤤🔥

Maki going straight to yuta after the fight… OKAY GIRL GET UR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT 😭😭 how is this man still a side hoe/fwb I’m FUMING for him LMAO someone get them tg already ‼️

Sjap toge ily please marry me 🙏🙏 i can provide a good sense of humor, cunt, and lipgloss please give me a chance 🤤🤤🤗🤗🥰

CANT WAIT FOR NEXT CHAPTERRR DONT FEEL PRESSURED TO RUSH GIRL THE EDGING KEEPS US UP 🤗😍‼️

Sigh.. guess who’s ovulating.. on their own.. on a weekend.. ALONE… cramping… 💔 (hint: it’s me) UGHH I HATEREE BLEEDING MY PUSSY OUTT ESPPP WHEN I GET JT ON MY SHEETS. I WOKE UP TO A MURDER SCENE. ON MY WHITE SHEETS. WHITE. SHEETS. I’ll never recover from this 💔 BUTTTT I means I’ll be period free for the next month!! And that includes HALLOWEEN WEEKENDDDDD SENNENDNEN 🔥‼️ im doing matching costumes w my friends but we don’t know what yet 😭

I HAVE MY AMBASSADOR MEETING TMRWWW GANG WISH MY LUCK ‼️🤗

LYCHEE⁉️⁉️ OMG I LOVE LYCHEE.. THE OLIVE THEORY.. WERE SOULMATES 😍😍

MY HOT TAKE… I HATE DR.PEPPER.. IVE TRIED SOOO HARD TO LIKE IT BUT IT JUST TASTES LIKE CHERRY COUGH MEDICINE 😭🔥

OKOK QOTDDDDD… WHATS A LIFE HACK YOU SWEARRR BY ⁉️⁉️🤞

HOPE U HAVE AN AMAZING DAY/ HAD AN AMAZING DAY ‼️‼️ ILYSMM BYE SIGMA 😈😈

- 🐺

HI ALPHA!!!🐺🐺

NO UR SO OKAY!! i’m getting to ur ask now i promise ill be on top of them more as well😓😓 THANK YEWWW im feeling much better now so im happy <33

GIRL JUST KEEP IT ATP😭 do NAWT pay the fee🫵🫵 $40 is actually ridiculous and yes prioritise ur safety first over anything🙏🙂‍↕️

LMFAO IM GLAD YOU LIKED IT😈😈 sjap megumi is CLINGY. he was waiting for that exact text since they’ve met like and when he got it trust he was jumping up and down😏😏😏 sjap clingy megumi truther FOREVER 💯 also the ai anon I KNOW😭 eh i didn’t really bother w them i know they don’t mean any ill intent but it was just a weird ask to send like atleast don’t put urself on anon and face it but we ball🔥🔥🔥 thank you poo poo 🫂🫂 also i started calling my cat poo poo bc of you and i laugh everytime 😭😭😭

I KNEW YOUD LOVE THE TOGE BIT😭😭😭 fan service for you but omg the favour is going to be [REDACTED] so yeah🙂‍↕️ i NEED to write a sjap toge spinoff after i finish this one i just cannot i know it’ll eat so hard🗣️ YUTAMAKI TRUTHER FOREVER (i still love nobamaki too tho)

NAUR NOT THE WHITE SHEETS😭 omg when i hate when you can physically feel it come out of ur pussy like omg it’s like SUCH A GROSS FEELING EAUGH. BUT YESS HALLOWEEKENDDDD i’m supposed to go my co workers party but idk if i want to LOL i still have no friends in this city besides my co workers but idk i’m content rn i know uni is starting next year but that’s not until 6 more months😭 but we’ll see

YAYY I HOPE IT WENT WELL ALPHA‼️‼️ I KNOW U DID GREAT <3 OMG THE OLIVE THEORY😍😍😍 yes we r soulmates… ive never tried dr pepper mainly bc we don’t have it here so i wouldn’t know😭😭😭

AOTD‼️ IDK MANY BUT the post used one i do is putting a wooden spoon over boiling water so it doesn’t overflow (idk if that counts but yeah) HBY🫵

THANK YEW ALPHA!! I HOPE U HAVE A SUPER SIGMA DAY!! <33

[the-silent-hashira]

SPIDER WEB, for the ask game?

SPIDER WEB - How intertwined would you say you and your partners lives are?

that depends! i know some of them are far more attached than others.

Cross? Cross could go weeks without talking to me and then send me a 10 page letter about everything hes been doing and seeing, maybe a few little pictures here and there. he probably wouldnt talk about me much, and i dont care about what he does out there because i know that he loves me. we do work for the same organization, but our relationship isnt something many know about.

Clef probably could go a few days, he would talk about me occasionally but if you pointed out how much he did it he would make an effort to not talk about me as much. he likes being private, unless hes actually with me. again, work together, but some people very much notice his attachment to me.

GHB... he talks about me a lot, he likes getting my advice on things, and often will make the excuse of 'lemme ask my matesprit- he says no.' without messaging me at all. he values my opinions and wants me involved in the things hes doing. cant really go without working for the Highblood when youre a purple, and he is obvious, so everyone knows. (i like fucking with people though by making it a jumpscare)

Lucifer couldn't go a few hours without feeling sad that im not there. he will probably skip or cut meetings short if he misses me too much, he'll ask me for advice on many things and will often beg me to join him for things. if you didnt know i was married to him, you are either under a rock, new here, or just an idiot.

I feel like nobody would know Ozma even has a partner, full separation from his public life and i respect that as long as he still cares about me.

Bob is like Lucifer, hes a lost puppy and since i share him with my girlfriend if one of us wasnt around he could deal, but he starts getting sad after a while. plus, without me hes basically stuck in the house or he might genuinely get arrested and/or kill someone and get caught. nobody would really know about us and Bob, but thats because we do that on purpose. he is a wanted murderer after all.

Wally would love to involve me in anything, but i honestly like it when he pays more attention to my girlfriend since we share him too. everyone knows, its very clear.

Ozzie and Fizz are up. my. ass. if they get the chance it is puppy dog eyes. please pay me attentions. would talk about me if given the chance and will sometimes make situations where they can. kinda funny that most of my Hazbin/Helluva f/os are just straight up dependent on me most of the time lmao.

recently started shipping with Valentino, who would probably never involve me with work but likes being seen with me. its good for publicity, and he kinda values my opinions because i dont take his shit and can throw back just as much as he gives me. could be mistaken for coworkers or just fwb.

Diavolo and Satan... Diavolo would talk about me pretty frequently im sure, he gets excited when people ask him about any relationships he might have, and likes asking me what i think and being seen with me.

Satan and i like doing things together, and admittedly i really like doing silly things like going to plays and pretending to be in a mystery novel sometimes.

with Diavolo they would probably know because he would just say 'did you know my girlfriend, Uriel, says-' and Satan doesnt really talk about me but thats because he wants me to himself(and begrudgingly shares with Diavolo)

and recently i decided id say something about it, but i also ship with Eda, Lilith, and Belos/Philip from The Owl House. of which im not sure yet, but i know that none of them would necessarily talk about me much since my s/i with them is a fucking recluse that also hates being talked about in general so thats more a boundary on my side. my Belos/Philip is also way different from canon so 😅

wow this became long but this question interested me and i hadnt really thought about my impact on some of their lives honestly.

[lustbile]

johnny as fwb based on his birth chart is like. well basically this man LOVES romance but hates talking abt his feelings so i think it rly depends on the kind of situation you have w him. if its something where you’re already friends/know each other and he catches feelings he might entertain the idea of it as a means to be close to u without actually ~talking abt his feelings~. if it’s a one night stand turned fwb and he catches feelings while getting to know you i think itll be p much the same as before, except he will be posessive and jealous easy. this man is a leo mars, and for it to be in his 5th house (which rules family, relationships and sex) rly sends him for a loop. johnny doesn’t actually actively seek out dating in all seriousness,, he actually kind of has a hard time starting romantic relationships. but he does fantasize abt sex alot, due to his 5th house being ruled by capricorn/aquarius (i wasnt sure on the direct placement here, so im rolling w it!!) his 8th house is ruled by aries, which i def think could lead to him being a constant hornball. hes very sensual and all around INTENSE when it comes to his lover/partner, and hes more likely to be into rough, passionate sex. i definitely think johnny would initiate and/or agree to a fwb relationship, but i do think he catches feelings very easily (this could be bc of his capricorn neptune, or having a 5th house stellium!!) and is really into the idea of a family. but this placement can also lead to him getting into unattainable and unavailable relationships. getting into what hes like during sex, (take this with a grain of SALT yall this is for entertainment purposes only!!) his leo mars means hes dominant, a very much dominant and authoritative energy (daddy and sir kink bitches, im looking at YOU!!! 🫵🏻). i dont think he would ever be submissive, unless it was the playful “i’ll sit back and let you think youre in charge when we both know u arent” kind of energy. lets you play with him and boss him around, but it doesnt last long. i definitely think he’s more lax on controlling in bed, basically instead of demanding and forcing your submission he finds more pleasure in earning it. a DOG for praise, and loves to receive it too. i 100% think that hes into your basic kinks; choking, praise, dom/sub, roleplay, things like this. he will probably be into dacryphylia but more of the overstimulation side of things bc again, he wants to earn your submission. speaking of submission, johnny is an excellent caretaker if you were to ever fall into subspace w him. he loves giving praise and telling you how sweet and pretty you are, and knowing that you trust him enough to fall into that headspace with him has him reeling. not to mention the stroke to his ego it would be to have you fawning and thinking only of him and his dick. i think these COULD BE his hard limits based on his placements but dont quote me: anything public. johnny’s placements (basically every planet in his 5th house + their signs) show me that hes generally a really private person when it comes to, well, everything. which atests to what we see of him outside of nct activities!! johnny definitely is into rough sex, but he doesnt want to hurt you. while he has his limits i do think hes very experimental and is down to try almost everything w you once. (as much as i lowkey love the idea and wish) i dont think he would be into anything dubcon or con-noncon, somnophilia included. he likes knowing that he’s making you feel good and doesn’t like the idea of “forcing” you to let him play with you. johnny’s chart is literally such a dream, this man is quite literally right out of a teenage girl’s (and mine!!!) dream man magazine. like i always mean it when i say that johnny’s chart is my favorite. (his and hoshi from svt but hoshi’s just makes me scream bc of his gemini stellium 👁️👁️) —🪐

this. this. all this. like everything. I think that’s why I’m so obsessed with him because everything about his chart kind of makes him the dream boy honestly lmao. like he’s so emotionally stunted but once you pull him out of his silly little aquarius stunt he is pure husband material. and idk maybe im projecting but I think with the need to please would a strong thing leading him into being more rough. I can see where the lack of interest in dub con kind of stuff comes in, but I think if it’s something his partner was interested, like you said he’s very open and I think if he tried it and saw how much you enjoyed it that would really get him going. but sometimes he does just come off as cut and dry super h0rny but just generally rough and easily excitable guy

[novamirmirsblog]

FwB minor safe

THIS IS SAFE FOR MINORS. and by minors I mean 15+ cause there's still some kissy kissy and implied sex. AND SWEARING. Seriously tho, no under 15s reading this.

When you had first met Natasha, she hated you. Or at least that’s what it seemed like. She ignored you, refused to train with you, and when she did train with you, you always ended up in the medical bay, and she always, always had something to say when you came back from a mission. You had really hoped to at least had a friendly acquaintance with the other woman on the team. You always had Wanda but she was often pining after a certain red synthezoid. You only realised Natasha wanted to be friends when Clint let it slip that she was like a cat. He was clearly sick and tired of the two of you constantly fighting and wanted it to end. Or perhaps it was Steve who finally wanted it to stop. It didn’t really matter who because now you had a way in.

Your friend’s grandmother used to rescue stray cats and while Natasha certainly wasn’t a cat, you figured the same rules applied. First, you would make extra food when you knew she would be there, telling her there were leftovers if she wanted them but never pressuring her into eating with you. Then, you slowly began just sitting in the same room as her, always a distance away from her so as to not make her uncomfortable. Eventually she began to warm up to you, even going as far as letting you sit on the same sofa as her.

Things all changed one night when Natasha came back from a mission gone wrong. She had been given bad information and the data she was supposed to collect wasn’t there. She was pissed. Steve called you into the lounge and told you to stay out of her way if you valued your life. It made you slightly nervous. The two of you were friends but you weren’t that close. Not close enough to know for sure whether or not she would hurt you. Everyone retreated to their rooms and locked their doors, not wanting to be in the way of an angry Black Widow. Because that’s who was coming back. Black Widow, not Natasha Romanoff.

You couldn’t sleep that night so when you saw a figure enter your room, it scared you shitless. You grabbed the gun from under your pillow and pointed it at the figure.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“That’s kinky babe and maybe we should revisit that idea but right now I want to fuck you senseless.” Natasha - no the Black Widow’s voice spoke out in the dark. It was that kind of muffled sound that you only heard in the depths of the night when no one else was awake.

You lowered your gun but didn’t take the safety off. Just in case.

“There’s no need to be nervous darling. I’ve seen the way you act around me.” Natasha walked towards where you were on the bed, leaning down and lifting you by your chin up to her lips. “Just tell me to stop and I will.”

You moaned as Natasha’s lips connected to your neck, roughly sucking and biting her way to your collarbones. She leaned you back and wrapped a hand around your neck as she looked at you. Even in the darkness, you could see how black her pupils were and feel how heavy her breathing was.

“I need you to understand that this doesn’t change anything. We are still just friends.”

"I understand." You leant up to kiss her but she just laughed as she pushed you down and kissed you harder, leaving you alone once she had finished playing with you.

Nights like that became routine between the two of you. If either of you had a bad mission, or were just feeling lonely, you would end up in your bed. It was never Natasha's bed and most of the time Natasha was in control. Occasionally however, if you had a particularly bad mission or Natasha had seen unspeakable things, she would relinquish control and you would savour every minute of it. Perhaps if the two of you were dating, you would be able to have control more- no you couldn't think like that. It was a dark hole that you couldn't go down.

Somewhere between the rough nights and the friendly movie nights the two of you had, you had fallen for the fiery woman. Natasha made sure that you always remembered that it was just a 'friends with benefits' arrangement by never sleeping in your bed. It was a tricky balance for her though because she would cuddle you all the time during the day. It was almost as if she regretted sleeping with you.

The friendly flirting between the two of you drove the team absolutely crazy. It was like everyone except you two could see how perfect you were for each other. You just fit together. Yet whenever they asked either of you about it, you both denied it vehemently with a sad look in your eyes. The team had had enough. They were done with the two of you fucking, flirting and then crying yourselves to sleep when you both realised you didn't have the relationship you wanted.

It was Wanda's brilliant idea to have a game night. She had watched a sitcom where the characters played truth or dare and confessed their love for each other.

"I'm not so sure that will work witchy." Tony said after Wanda had finished explaining her plan. "Maybe we should play 7 minutes in heaven or spin the bottle."

"Why? How is that better than my plan? All they do is suck each other's faces off. We need them to admit their feelings for each other." Wanda stood up, slightly defensive over her plan.

"I...I think I have a better idea." Steve spoke up and everyone turned to look at him. "How about we kidnap Y/n? Y/n wont believe us if we tell her Natasha loves her and Natasha isn't going to admit it over a game of truth or dare. If we kidnap Y/n and stress Natasha out a little, then she might finally admit she loves Y/n."

The room was silent. "Remind me never to get on the wrong side of you" Clint muttered, causing the rest of the room to break out into a slightly nervous laughter.

"When's Y/n's next mission?"

~~~~~

You were sent out on a routine solo mission. It was something a lower level agent could have easily done but you were happy to get out and away from the compound for a bit. You loved your family but their constant questions about Natasha were getting too much. It was a constant reminder that you guys weren't in a relationship at all. The more you thought about it, the more you tried to convince yourself that a relationship wasn't even what you wanted. You had been on a few dates since your arrangement with Natasha had begun, mostly to throw her off the scent of your growing crush. However, when you returned from your failed date (because they always failed), Natasha was always there to fuck you hard and rough. Sure, she would leave it a few days, distancing herself as much as possible, sometimes completely ignoring you, but she would always come back. The mission was complete and you were making your way back to the Quinjet, too distracted in your thoughts of Natasha to realise someone was creeping up behind you. You were knocked out cold.

When you came to, you were in an abandoned warehouse, tied to a chair. It was all very James Bond like. You tried to look around, but everything seemed blurry.

"I can't believe you hit her so damn hard!" You heard a voice ring out.

"I didn't mean to! Oh my god she's going to kill me." A deeper voice, probably male, spoke.

The voices sounded kind of familiar but you couldn't work out where from.

"Natasha, we found her!" that was the last thing you heard before passing out again.

"I am going to murder whoever did this to you Y/n." Natasha told you as she carried you to medical. She refused to let anyone else touch you and didn't let you out of her sight for one second.

The usually fearless avengers all froze and turned slightly pale. They were 100% going to blame this all on Steve. If anyone had a chance of surviving the Black Widow, it was a super soldier and besides, it was Steve who had knocked you out. Bucky had told him not to use his shield to do it.

You awoke to find yourself in a hospital bed with a very concerned Natasha holding your hand. You gave it a little squeeze and smiled at her.

"Never ever ever do that again. Do you understand me? I thought I lost you..."

"It's okay Tash, I'm fine." In that moment it was so hard to remember that the two of you were just friends, that you would never be anything more than friends.

"Date me."

"What?" You were stunned and not completely sure you hadn't just hallucinated.

"I can't do this friends with benefits thing anymore. I know I was the one who said it was nothing more but I think I'm falling for you Y/n. Do you know why I was so distant with you to begin with?"

"Because you're a cat?"

Natasha smiled, she couldn't even bring herself to laugh she was so nervous. "No Y/n. It was because I really liked you. You walk into the compound all happy and beautiful and I dont know what to do. We would spar and I would get weird tingly feelings wherever you were touching me and it made me confused. I tried so hard to stay away from you but then you started leaving me food, or sitting with me, or trying to make jokes and I just couldn't stay away. When you didn't come back to me on time, I was so scared. I thought you were dead. When we found you..." She ran her hand through her hair, her other hand never letting go of yours. "The relief I felt nearly made me fall to my knees. I understand if this ruins our friendship but I really can't continue on just being your friend. I think... I think I love you." Natasha whispered that last part so quietly you almost missed it.

"I would love nothing more than to date you Natasha. I was so worried that I was reading too much into things and that my feelings were wrong and would ruin everything. It's why I dated other people for a bit."

"Well good. How about we-" Natasha was cut off by an announcement from F.R.I.D.A.Y.

"Considering agent y/l/n is up, Mr Stark request's both your presence in the lounge."

When the two of you made it to the lounge, hand in hand, they all clapped. Natasha scowled and held on tighter to your hand and you just laughed.

"Why did you call us here?" You asked

"Well, the thing is, we don't want to be murdered so we're really hoping you'll stop Natasha from doing anything drastic."

"What did you do." Natasha let out lowly, she knew you shouldn't be up and about, that it was better for you to rest until you were feeling completely better again so she wanted this over as quickly as possible.

"Well...-"

"IT WAS STEVE'S IDEA!" Wanda blurted out. "I just wanted to play truth or dare but nooo. Stars and Stripes over here wanted to make things all dramatic." Wanda waved her hands in the air.

"What was Steve's idea?" You asked, still a little slow on the uptake. Natasha wasn't though. You could feel her becoming tense and you held her hand a little tighter.

"...The kidnaping..." The team hung their heads in shame, trying to simultaneously look at their shoes and keep an eye on Natasha.

The room was completely silent before you burst out laughing. "You're kidding me? You actually kidnaped me just so Natasha would admit her feelings for me? Guys I'm dying." You wheezed as you tried to catch your breath from laughing so hard.

Natasha however, didn't find it nearly as funny.

"Natty, darling, it's fine. They did it because they care." You whispered into her ear, leading her out the room before someone could get easily injured. Getting blood out of carpets was a pain.

"Your days are numbered Super Soldier. I'm coming for you." she said, watching as Steve's face turned completely white before turning and leaving the room with you.

[pixcldust]

𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞 ;

pairing | rich!kuroo tetsuro x f! reader

wordcount | 1.1k

warnings | slightly suggestive

tags | rich boy x poor reader, love confession, one night stand/fwb to something ✨more✨, no beta i never have beta lmao

a/n | i dont really know if anyone is still here but this was part of a series i planned out ages ago about a rich kids au. never fully finished the series (idk i would love to pick it up again) but it’s been collecting dust in my drafts for ages. also i miss this account 🥺 love u, pls hydrate

matutine (adj): of or relating to early morning; occuring in the early morning

When your eyes blink open, the hotel room is dark and you are alone in the big big bed. For a brief, sleepy second, you think that he has already left. You feel a tired pang of happiness when you see that he hasn’t.

There’s a warm glow from the lamp in the corner that illuminates a figure standing by the window. You can smell the smoke from his cigar; a little sweet but mostly pungent, in your opinion. He doesn’t even like to smoke -- he told you that the first time you met -- but he’s always puffing away on his Cuban cigars. The logic behind that evades you, but you can always guess why. He smokes because he’s bored. He buys and hoards more tobacco than he should because he’s bored. He stays with you because he’s bored.

The last sentence wasn’t just a guess.

You crumple the sheets a little, as you move to sit up, and he turns to look at you. Cat eyes blink, backlit by the view only the top floor of a luxury penthouse can provide - neon car lights and tiny windows all blurred into a mess of light. And above it all, a starless night sky. The view is beautiful and unreal from here.

“What time is it?” your voice is a croak, swept over by tiredness. 

“It’s 3:30 am,” he replies, putting the cigar into the ashtray. “Sorry. I know you hate this kinda stuff.”

Being the only son of the president of one of the biggest conglomerates in Japan, Kuroo Tetsuro was first in line to claim the company after his father stepped down. And yet here he was putting  out a $70 cigar early because a part-time waitress, whose closet was half-filled with thrift store clothes, didn’t like the smell. You’d be flattered if you didn’t know that $70 was almost nothing to him. He would pay over $100 for a smoke without batting an eyelid. You know that far too well.

“It’s only three thirty? I shouldn’t have woke up,” you sigh, brushing a hand over your face. “I don’t know how I’m going to go back to sleep again.”

A sly grin appears on Tetsuro’s face - it’s familiar and annoyingly sexy. How dare he look like that? You can’t help feeling a bit bitter.

“Want me to tire you out a little?”

You roll your eyes even as you smile, as he climbs back into the bed to rest both arms on the headboard. Caging you in, under his shirtless body. He smells fresh, like he’d just step out of the shower, despite the underlying scent of his cigar smoke. “Once a night is quite enough, thanks. I’ve got a morning shift tomorrow, and I’d like to retain my ability to walk.”

When you first met Tetsuro, at a shitty hole-in-the-wall bar that you never returned to after, he’d said all the right things in the right way. You didn’t even know he was one of the richest 20-something year olds in the country when he laughed at your sarcastic jokes, when the conversation somehow turned to kissing. You thought he was just another bar fling. Watching his lips quirk up into a smile, there’s a sense of relief that washes over you; you’re glad that he’s become more than that, as loathe as you are to admit your feelings to yourself.

His laughter shakes the bed beneath you. After months of this - this strange relationship where the both of you are something more than friends, but not quite lovers - you’ve learned to tell the difference between his mirthless chuckles and his genuine, albeit ridiculous, laughter. It’s nice that he’s been carrying out the latter more frequently around you.

“That should be flattering, but it doesn’t sound as kind coming from you,” he drops his arms and roll to the side, one leg draped over yours. Only the blankets keep your skin from touching his. “Want me to send you there? I’m free all day tomorrow.”

It’s sweet of him to offer, but the mental image of his red Rolls-Royce pulling up to the tiny neighbourhood diner, and a waitress in patched up jeans stepping out was too amusing. You tell him as much, while he trails a hand up your bare arm to tap your shoulder mindlessly. “I’m pretty sure it’d end up on the news: president’s son drops off minimum wage waitress at tiny diner. Your dad would probably murder you.”

He pinches your shoulder, playfully, moving his hand to your chest. “He can try, but am I really at fault for doing a favour for my favourite person?”

“Your favourite person, huh?”

“Yeah, of course,” he laughed, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. His breath is warm. “Hey Y/N?”

Your hands move to comb through his unruly hair. “What?”

“Don’t freak out, but I think I love you.”

Oh. Your fingers froze. There it was.

After the first night, when you woke up to find empty sheets and a neat white business card on the bedside table, you googled him. He scribbled a little message under his name and his position as Supervisor for Kuroo Group -- one of the richest conglomerates in Japan that so happened to share his last name. You’d read the message so many times, you could recite it by heart now -- ‘Thanks for last night. Call me whenever you feel like. I had fun.’. 

The Internet told you he was a notorious playboy with a personality that endless wealth always seemed to incur: confident, detailed and bored. So so bored with his flow of gold and his shiny toys and all his different suits and ties. There are accounts, from other alleged one-night stands and business partners. They all say the same thing: that he could charm the pants of anyone and that his words dripped like honey - thick and sweet, boasting the kindness of a saint and the slyness of a sinner. 

As his dark eyes bore into yours, waiting for a response to… whatever the hell that just was, you think that maybe the Internet has lied. His words aren’t honey - they spill like expensive champagne, Dom Perignon Rose, bubbly and valuable. Something you find yourself drowning in often, although you don’t know if you could ever admit that to anyone but yourself.

“Y/N? You okay? Look, I’m really sorry if that weirded you out but I just thought that it would be unfair to act like I don’t feel anything for you.”

You don’t want to admit it but fuck, he just might be worth drowning for. 

[south-park-meta]

Kenny!!

Why I like them I think Kenny's a sweet character. He acts out a bit, but really doesn't hurt people the way the other boys can. There's truthfully not a lot of meat to his character in some ways, but I think he genuinely loves his friends, despite knowing that Stan and Kyle will always pick each other and Cartman doesn't really care about him most of the time. There's something soft, sweet, and a bit sad about him being the odd man out in his friend group.

Why I don’t He's another character I don't really dislike even when I roll my eyes at him. But a criticism for his character is that imo he's kind of petty/passive aggressive. It's one of those things that's kind of hard to really critique since his characterization isn't as developed as the other boys, but I do think if he was just kind of annoyed with his friends he'd roll his eyes but say 'nothing' was wrong and then complain about them to the other friends (Cartman if he's mad at Stan or Kyle, Stan and Kyle if he's mad at Cartman).

Favorite episode (scene if movie) Black Friday/ A Song of Ass and Fire/ Titties and Dragons/Coon vs. Coon and Friends/ Coon 2: Hindsight/Mysterion Rises

Favorite season/movie Bigger Longer and Uncut

Favorite line Okay this is a long one but: Kenny My dearest friends,:I am living amongst the natives in the remote and tiny island of Kava'i. What can I tell you of this mysterious island and its people? It is a place of wonder, and yet to the outsider like me, a place of odd tradition. The people here are peaceful and joyous, and seem to care little for the rush and worry of the outside world. Their diet is mostly an odd mixture of coconut milk, pineapple juice, and vodka, which they call the chi-chi. As for Butters, he is quickly learning the ways of his ancestors, and seems to be feeling better with every passing day. He still seems quite angry at times, but luckily his ceremony will finally take place on the morrow. The sheer dramatics plus Stan's "On the morrow"? What the fuck is wrong with Kenny? Really gets me.

Favorite outfit

OTP If I had to pick I'd go with Stenny, more in the capacity of fwb than real dating, but I've read a few fics where I like them as endgame. That said, I don't particularly ship him with anyone and tend to see him as being more into girls than boys.

Brotp Stenny

Head Canon Most of his acting out is to get the attention of his parents. He really, really wants them to take care of him, but is getting more and more resigned to the fact that they won't. He tries to induce a miscarriage in his mom to keep from sharing attention, when he experiments with sex or drugs it's often in his home where his parents SHOULD be the ones noticing, when he acts out in school the pranks are the sort that would probably get his parents called.

Unpopular opinion Tbh idk what the popular takes on Kenny are right now lol. I guess I disagree with Kenny being too good for the other three/that he'll hate it if he finds out about the custody arrangement. I think he'll actually like them treating him like their kid if they keep up their custody roles because it's giving him attention that they usually don't. That said, I also think treating Kenny as completely blameless oddly enough ties into the problems he tends to have in canon. The ways he acts out are regularly ignored by both his parents and his friends-- even when Stan gets pissed at Cartman for the period prank they pulled on their teacher, he's solidly on Kenny's side the entire episode instead of just being done with all three of his friends despite the fact Kenny did it WITH Cartman. The lack of acknowledging when Kenny does things wrong is a problem in the canon to the end that it feeds into him just being straight up ignored entirely, so ignoring them in fandom, interestingly, has the similar problem in that it prevents him from being seen as a whole person.

A wish More character development.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen Killing him off for keeps.

5 words to best describe them Caring, forgotten, silly, theatrical, lonely

My nickname for them None

[mundungs]

ϟ.  → robert sheehan : genderfluid : he/they/she : dealer of illicit objects and substances : the raven by the alan parsons project ϟ  did you see mundungus fletcher ? you know ,  31 year old halfblood who was formally in ravenclaw. some say dung can be quite furtive but are known to be unreliable. they are aligned with the order .  maybe that’s why they remind me of naming stray cats, flicking a lighter over and over again, falling asleep on the subway. ϟ 

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ciannán o’donnell is a flighty man, one of many relationships and flings and little loyalty, and so his affair with maeve fletcher does not last long. when she tells him she is pregnant, he moves on to a different woman, and maeve has her son alone, with her sister on her side. and thus, mundungus is born (and giving an arguably atrocious name).

he grows up with his mum – a halfblooded witch and by far his favourite person in the world – in limerick, attending muggle school there. he knew who his dad was, but wasn’t quite sure how to feel about — his father is a criminal, a prominent member of the irish mob. 

he meets his dad for the first time at age seven, and was nothing but impressed. his dad showered him with gifts, his mum watching with a furious look on her face but biting her tongue. that moment was a switch for mundungus; he felt the need to impress his dad. he stole some sweets from a store on his way home from school a week later, fished some pennies out of the pockets of his classmates a few months later. when he phoned his dad to tell him, his laugh was warm and filled with life. his relationship with his dad got better as his behaviour got worse. the thrill of stealing, of doing stuff he wasn’t supposed to, lit him not only on fire because it was exciting, but also because he knew his dad would adore it. 

but ciannan, a flighty man, pushes and pulls. and so mundungus was fed disappointment by his father, liking love off a shiny knife rather than a spoon ( silver or plastic, what the fuck does it matter ). details omitted, long story made short: his dad sucks and his mother tries, but mundungus is pulled towards that what smells of danger.

DRUGS MENT. at hogwarts, dung is sorted into ravenclaw. not at all the booksmart type, he falls more into the chaotic-creativity, random-bursts-of-wanting-to-learn-everything-about-something type of ravenclaw. there’s two worlds, then: the muggle world, where he slowly dips his water further in criminal waters, and the wizarding one, where he’s chaotic and messy but a student. when he grows older, these overlap: dung starts selling some of his dad’s weed at hogwarts, and soon gains a reputation of being able to get people less-than-legal shit. 

not getting high off your own supply is not a sentiment he agrees with. not then, not later, not now. dung is fun, always in for a party and willing to supply the goods to throw it. if some rich purebloods lose a few galleons at said party, well, it sure isn’t him! END OF TW

he graduates with two newts, in herbology and potions, failing his dada and charms exams. he’s not an academic.

falling into the family business after graduation is easy. mundungus is attracted by the criminal underworld, both that of muggle ireland and that of the wizarding world. knockturn alley was a place frequented in teenage years, but now becomes more his place. he makes connections, exchanges strange potion recipes for other things. makes an odd wager on a bunch of stolen brass scales and turns a profit. 

a career is not something that interests him; he is more interested in bending rules and making quick money. thievery, selling illegal shit, heists, fraud, fuck-all. mundungus is not limited by one descriptor, one kind of criminality. he just does what he wants and hopes to make a good penny.

but then he almost gets sent to azkaban over some, in his frank opinion, bullshit. it’s dumbledore who talks the wizengamot out of it, saddling dung up with some community service and persuading him towards the order. he’s twenty three. the war is still fresh. he has no interest in it, but he owes the old man. fine.

mundungus does vehemently oppose blood purity and any kind of discriminatory ideals, an anarchist in his very bones, but he is also cowardly. to side with self-proclaimed rebels is not in his blood and yet it’s where he ends up, bringing shady ties to the underworld to the table and a sheer ability to sneak around and fuck the law. and maybe, amidst the ranks of the order, dung finds something he’s not very familiar with: a large family. and dung? well, he’s the stoner, gay, super-fucking-chaotic cousin.

personality

if jesper fahey and kaz brekker had a child, it would be dung. 

other character parallels: fezco ( euphoria ), boris ( the goldfinch ), doug judy ( b99 ), jason mendoza ( the good place ), chris miles ( skins ),  nick miller ( new girl ), creed bratton ( the office ), scott lang ( marvel ), lillian ( unbreakable kimmy schmidt )

technically he’s homeless. he’s got a bedroom at his ma’s place, has a ton of squatter connects in the muggle scene and couch surfes aplenty, but dung doesn’t rent a place. why? landlords are evil. he could afford a place, just doesn’t see the point. life’s better with some adventure.

appears very neutral in public as it’s beneficial to his role in the order??? 

.... tortured artist. writes poetry and loves to draw and paint. 

tattooed the fuck up. some are his own designs.

can usually be spotted wearing The Coat, a rly expensive, vintage long coat that he once stole of a pureblood. he’s enlarged the pockets with some handy spellwork and pretty much carries everything he owes in there, like his produce and his money and his second pair of shoes and his art supplies and probably some random trash. 

loves animals. he loves stray cats especially <3 they are his kin. 

an anarchist. a bit of a punk. a deep idealist with a cowardly heart so constantly betraying himself (and sometimes others?)

queer! enby! genderfluid! i used he/him pronouns throughout this intro but dung truly doesn’t give a damn what u use. loves to dress up in feminine clothes. 

has a ton of aliases, lol, the most important one being marigold fincher. 

cusses too fuckin much to be healthy :/

oh no he is a big sad insecure kid deep inside :/ dont tell anyone how embarrassing!!!! shhhh!! it’s a secret.

quick connection ideas

victim. wow please. if your character is rich. let me steal from u. pick ur pockets. break into ur house. get some of ur stuff and drop it on the black market. 

customer. dung sells. whatever u need. drugs. weird magical things. ask and ye shall receive. his prices are whack but he does deliver <3

pal. party friends! order friends! random encounter friends! dung has a trashmouth and loves to talk pls let him chat u up and u will never be rid of him <3

couch. he couch surfs. a lot. if ur character trusts dung enough to let him into their home (which they shouldnt) then pls let him sleep over for a night. he will leave a strangely expensive necklace on ur kitchen table as a thank u. or wilted flowers. no in between.

skeptic. ur char is in the order and thinks dung is a liability and maybe they have a point. a point mundungus would rather not face :)

dmle bitches. dung hates anyone authoritative but esp the coppers at the ministry (hit wix & aurors) (yea he calls them coppers sorry he doesnt respect them enough to call them aurors <3). give me that doug judy/jake peralta dynamic. or just someone in the dmle who is like ... sigh this guy again??? 

fwb/one night stand/fling/etc. he’s a bit slutty <333 give him some ppl he’s hooked up with / will hook up with.

[beauvibaby]

Friends With Benefits

Request: can u do rafe where like u guys r like fwb and one day hes like why dont we go on a date and u say no but see him w another girl later and get jealous

word count: 945

You know, sleeping with one of the richest guys in town sure was interesting, I definitely saw some things that the average person wouldn’t. For instance, accidentally walking into his fathers office instead of Rafe’s bedroom. That was, well, very awkward, considering I was already half undressed and maybe a little tipsy.

I couldn’t help but sigh a little bit as I routinely got up right after I caught my breath, searching for my clothes that were scattered all over the giant room. “You don’t have to go.” Rafe muttered, not budging from his spot, I could practically feel his eyes burning holes into my body. “We have a deal for a reason, Rafe, strictly sex.” I spoke, not daring to look back at him, knowing I would feel like I wanted to crawl back into the bed. “Hey,” he paused, waiting for me to turn towards him, I did, skeptically, never hearing this tone of voice from him before. It was gentle, sweet even. “Would you maybe want to go out sometime?” He asked, extremely hesitantly, I began to panic. “No.” I blurted our, instantly regretting it, seeing the hurt in his eyes and feeling the hurt in my chest.

***

Three long weeks have passed, we haven’t spoken to each other, or seen each other, but I’m sure that all will change at the party tonight. If I know one thing, it’s that Rafe can’t pass up a good party.

Entering the overly packed house, was a little nerve wracking, knowing that I wouldn’t get to leave with him. I hate this, I hate feeling like he should be mine, I had the chance and I blew it. My thoughts came to a crashing halt when I saw him, across the room dancing with another girl, I knew of her. She isn’t smart or anything really, she’s kind of just a pretty body with no brain. I couldn’t help but feel a pang if jealousy, which I have no right to feel... right? I started making my way over there, unsure of my plan. As I approached them, I noticed there was a few cases of beer behind them, perfect I’ll just grab one and he’ll have to see me. I squeezed past them making sure to brush up against his back as I did, making his head snap in my direction. We stared at each other for a moment, I almost forgot what I was doing. I turned, grabbed the beer and headed straight for the back door, needing to get some air.

“Who is that?” I heard the girl ask, clearly seeing him watch me, “the one that got away.” My heart skipped at his answer, no, I already blew it, I need to move on. With that sudden realization I walked up to the closest drunk kook I could find, and instantly started dancing extremely close with him, obviously he didn’t complain, since he grabbed my hips and spun me around, forcing me to basically grind into him. Fantastic, what have I gotten myself into. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, this guy started pressing drunk kisses to the side of my neck, I could gag just at the smell of beer coming from his breath. “Stop.” I pulled away, he looked at me, shocked. “What the fuck? You’re the one who came up to me!” He snapped, I backed away from him, instantly feeling like the dumbest girl in the world. “Leave her alone, man.” Rafe demanded, giving the guy the most threatening look I think I’ve ever seen.

Everyone was practically looking at us, it was making me beyond uncomfortable, so I did what I do best, run. I took off away from the party, wanting to be alone, but of course I heard Rafe running after me. “Leave me alone, Rafe!” I snapped, stopping on the side of the insanely big house, no one in sight. “Y/N, please, don’t do this.” He begged, walking closer to me, he hesitated, reaching to push my hair from my face. I stared at his face, reading every emotion going through his eyes. “Kiss me.” I whispered, catching him off guard, but he didn’t hesitate. This wasn’t our usual kiss though, normally they’re hungry and urgent. But this, this was soft and sweet, full of emotions. My eyes burned with tears, I’ve never felt this way towards anyone, one must’ve slipped out of my eye because he instantly moved back, his hands still on my face. He wiped the tear away, pain in his eyes. “What’s wrong?” He asked, probably thinking the answer was about him. Well, it was, just not the way he was thinking. “I think I love you.” I whispered, barely hearing my own words.

Rafe just looked at me, shit. I ruined it again didn’t I. He grabbed my hips, backing me into the side of the house, his face inches from mine. “I think I love you too.” He spoke, his lips practically already touching mine, I closed the gap, unable to keep myself from smiling in the kiss when he lifted me up, smushing me between himself and the house. “Let’s get out of here?” He questioned, unable to take his eyes off of me, I nodded giving him one last peck on the lips, expecting him to put me down. “Rafe, put me down!” I laughed as he started walking towards his car, hands on my butt to hold me up, I wrapped myself tighter around him, placing soft kisses on his skin where his neck and shoulder met, I felt him shiver at the action, “I’m never putting you down.”

[normiewrites]

happy birthday katsuki! despite it being such a joyous occasion, i wrote something pretty down in the dumps. i dont wanna explain the plot and hope you all understand it, or not, doesnt matter as long as it made u feel something cause i felt nothing writing this. i tried making it more realistic than fiction and im pretty proud of it.

prompt was taken from @daily-prompts

thanks for beta reading @savnofilter @kingtamakimurder !

other tags: @mci-writing @lady-bakuhoe @mutantjournalist @assortedanime

warning(s): its kinda depressing, angst, smut, fwb, drugs (not too much)

‘when is it ok to steal something?’ - bakugo katsuki x (fem)reader

you didn’t know when you started noticing it all. but you did, whether you liked it or not. the way that the newspaper cut outs would hang lazily off his dull yellow walls, the gravity forcing them to bend over like worshipers. or the way that the green big grenades on his desk were more roughed up than you were with the drugs in your system. or the way that his left calloused hand was always so tightly held onto your waist, leaving bruises for the next day as memories, while his right robotic one barely ghosted your skin, as if he was trying not to accept the truth. 

but the biggest thing you noticed was how empty everything was inside of him. you believed that you didn’t have any choice but to notice these things, because you were constantly only being fucked doggy style, never to face him and only the blank sheets beneath you. or maybe because it was to distract you from the cold droplets of water that would rain onto your back in small amounts. he always cried and maybe that’s why he never wanted you to face him, to never see how his tears pulled out his broken soul for you to see.

it was always like this, and each time, you would never get closer. you’d meet him in the parking lot near your apartment. it was a big and lonely parking lot, the streetlamps barely working as they flicked on and off, like the universe was sending you a morse code. he would always be ten minutes late no matter what time you would reach. maybe it was because he wanted to guarantee your existence, to know that you’ll be there waiting for him, like he was scared that if he showed his eagerness, it would make you run away.

was he even eager to ever meet you? you wouldn’t really care, not because he was a good fuck and gave good prices for your drugs, but because you couldn’t. he was always a mirage, there for you to see but not touch and despite how hard he would rut his hips against your ass, he could never be close enough to capture.

there was never any time for ‘talking’. he always got straight to the point once he picked you up. smoking a few blunts in his living room before taking off both of your clothes and proceeding to his bedroom. neither of you would ever mutter a word yet you both knew what each other wanted. it was a ritual now. you always picked the easiest clothes to take off, not even bothering to wear a bra, and he liked it that way. most boys would, they’d find it hot and alluring, always aroused with how you planned to get down. but bakugo liked it because it meant he would spend less time close to you. it would mean he would have to use his prosthetic arm less.

you felt like you knew nothing about him. or maybe you knew too much to be true. the news paper cut outs would be all about the pro-heroes’ stories. deku, uravity, red riot, grand and many more. but most of them were about all-might. at first, you would’ve thought that he was just a fan boy and loved to keep track on the hero society. but the more times you came over and looked at them, the more you realised that they were pinned up so wrong. they were hung with sorrow and regret, pins in the wrong positions like he was playing darts while drunk. why did he do that? why did he pin them up with more pain than joy? was he actually drunk or was his past controlling his future?

it was amusing to you, the way he would make you feel so good and satisfied yet so lost and yearning. you weren’t even yearning something for yourself, rather for him. no matter how hard or how longed you yearned, you could never understand what it was for, and neither did he. of course, you never asked him about it, because the first few times you did, either you were told to leave or he would just straight up ignore you.

however, this night was different. you were going to hold your ground against him and find out the truth, because while it felt so good to be filled by his warm actions, it was all so empty and felt like there was no purpose as time went on. maybe this new found confidence was due to having the pro-hero deku walk by you on the street during patrol, or maybe because you wanted to desperately know what was on the photo frame that he always put down before giving into your urges.

“katsuki!” you moaned softly, moaning as he pressed a searing hot kiss against your neck, smoke gliding out of his mouth and tickling your chin as his hands massaged your ass.

you had gotten to the use of the cold metal of his prosthetic hand against your skin, in fact you found it slightly pleasing of the contrast in temperatures of both of his hands. maybe that’s why he kept you around; you were the only one who accepted him like that without questioning it. you couldn’t care to question it, you were a quirkless girl in a quirk filled world, nothing was shocking anymore. besides, you found it kind of cool. if only you knew how cursing it was.

the night was hot and urgent, the both of you were tearing each other’s clothes as you sat atop his lap on the sofa in the living room. the cheap material of the sofa dug into your knees as you grinded against his hard and restrained boner, moaning against his cheek, not caring for the sweat that accumulated on his forehead. you both had never kissed. it was one of the two rules that he had put from his side. no kissing, and no facing him. you had respected them as he respected yours, but the time you both spent together wanted you to be a rebel and break down those walls.

you giggled softly, the feeling of your high running through your body like silk on freshly shaven skin overriding your usual thoughts and stresses as you heard the familiar tear of your panties, a rough mark being left behind on your skin.

“you’re giving me the next 10 grams free, that was expensive, katsuki” you whispered, tugging on his hair as he growled softly at your name, leaving rough kisses against your collarbone and breasts.

katsuki liked having you around. you didn’t talk too much, didn’t question the mess of his room and silently adored his prosthetic arm, no matter how much he hated it. you were simple and not demanding yet you could pull out so many explicit moans from him. but the most important part is that you didn’t push about the tears that always seemed to find their way onto your bare back. you were comforting, almost too comforting that at times it alarmed the scared animal in his heart.

after sharing a few more rounds of blunts and hickeys, you felt the familiar nudge of his arms, his signal to tell you to go on all fours, never to face him for the rest of the night. but something inside of you stirred up, almost like you were being controlled from an outside force. you found your hands pinning his against the backrest of the sofa, a confused look shooting through his red eyes, his blonde eyebrows furrowing underneath his matching hair.

he moved to speak up but you cut him off, “please, just for tonight. i promise, i won’t judge, just please.”

you didn’t realise you were closing your eyes tight until you saw the sudden intrusion of red and blonde in your vision once his gruff answer snapped them open.

“why?”

least to say, bakugo was nervous. he had never felt this nervous since his surgery day. he couldn’t even believe you made him nervous, it was so stupid to him. his younger self wouldn’t be as nauseous as he is now, but then again, lots had changed and he wasn’t like him anymore.

“your face is just so pretty, i wonder how much prettier it gets with tears falling down” you muttered, holding his face in your palms as your thumbs brushed his cheekbones.

you were so close to him, much to close for his liking. well at first, it was too close, but he soon recognized the spike in his heart was the fact that he was exhilarated by your statement. he knew that you knew he cried, and he felt too ashamed to show you. but there was no hiding now, there was no point.

despite the soft blush that adorned his cheeks and the furrowing of his brows, he kept his face the same. it was like he had the inability to change his face, like he was wearing those clay face masks that would restrict movement. it was the expression of when you get laid-off from a job that you worked so hard for and was praised by your bosses for.

you nearly thought that you ruined the night as he backed his face out of your hands, his eyes looking elsewhere. now it was your turn to be nervous. the air was so still, unlike his red eyes as they tried to look for something to lock onto, to anchor him and help him make his decision.

“fine” was all you heard before you felt him lift you up slightly, aiding him and standing on your knees as he shifted his sweatpants and boxers down, his eyes still not on yours.

you couldn’t comprehend what happened, not only because of how surprising his reaction was, but because of how less time he gave you before slipping his cock into your wet hole. the action was so simple yet so satisfying, just like you.

“katsuki!” you moaned loudly, your fingers going over the small scars that littered around his undercut till they reached his blonde top, pulling on them.

it was hot and desperate, the way that he would quickly get to work on your nipples as he would thrust up into you and how you would roll against his hips, tugging on his hair and nipping on his ears. you fully understood how much you had been missing out on, how close it finally felt. the way that his arms would snake up against your back, pulling your chest closer to his face, even managing to angle his cock deeper. there was just one bridge left to cross and it was the man himself below you.

he was thankful for how loud your moans were to cover up his sniffles, and it was an odd feeling as his cold tears raced down your chest to your belly rather than on your back. and like before, you weren’t going to ignore this.

and like before, it didn’t feel like they were your actions as you had tugged his face up, connecting his lips to yours before he could say anything to stray you away. his lips were chapped and motionless against yours and you tasted the saltiness of his tears that had reached the cavern. it was so hot yet empty, just like him.

“what the fuck, y/n?” he asked, the nature of the words contrasting from how soft his voice was and how tired his eyes looked.

neither of you noticed how both of you stopped, the lust gone just like the rules that you had broken. if you could describe his face in terms of a colour, it would be grey. it was so sullen, tear marked and conflicting, just like thunderstorms.

“who are you, bakugo katsuki?” you asked, hands gracing his bare collarbones as you searched his face for answers. but it wasn’t like you were going to find any, because there weren’t any. hopefully one day though, you could make some for him, or at least he hoped that.

he completely ignored your question, sighing softly as he rested his forehead on your chest, not bothering to clear up his eyes.

“tell me, y/n, when is it okay to steal something?”

when was it okay to steal something? maybe it was okay when people got what they wanted through injustice manners. or maybe if it was something needed for an emergency, of course not that the cost of others. but then again what was stealing? poets would call it love, judges would call it a crime, thieves would call it a life.

you had so many answers that you didn’t want to say any, because what if the other was a better choice? so you stayed quiet, letting him fill the silence this time.

“tell me, y/n, when was it okay to steal my parents? when was it okay to steal my arm? when was it okay to steal my fucking life?”

the pain that rippled through your body was enough to ignore the snot and the buckets of tears that fell down your chest. in fact, it was too much, making your own eyes water, your hands instinctively rubbing his warm and firm back. who was he? the answer was too broad. too complicated. too scarring. it was all about him and nothing about him.

you didn’t mind the way that he gripped your arms, because the bruises would be nothing compared to what he went through. so, you pulled him close to you, letting him shake against you and cry against your neck.

bakugo didn’t know why he was opening up to someone like you. you both were just supposed to be fuck buddies, nothing else, and yet you had broken him down, and he fell voluntarily. maybe it was because of your quirklessness, or how observant and patient you were with him. but like many other unknown answers that night, it couldn’t matter to him, because you understood or at least wanted to. he needed you.

he needed a reason to live again.

[risjime]

HE'D MENTION IT EVERY TIME MULTIPLE TIMES. HE'D DEF GET ON IWA'S NERVES. Iwa would be wishing for a volleyball to be in his hands.

No. No, I think I am gonna get you started on it. But I'm gonna combine it with the angst and he would absolutely be trying to figure out what you are, especially when you show up in his funeral home to discuss the arrangements for your late fiancé, not knowing that Issei was the one who you hooked up with to try and heal and only intended for it to be once but his giant cock filled you up and reached deeper than your fiancé's ever did and you can't help but wanting more. And of course he makes up reasons and excuses for why he has to work closely with you and it leads to you sleeping with him again, anything to feel his long, thick cock rubbing against that spot inside you, hitting so deep and so good, you want it to never end. So you propose a FWB (acquaintances with benefits?) and both of you get feelings but losing your fiancé too soon makes you scared of letting in another.

You're so right, though. Sakusa would fuck you so good, too. Maybe throw in enemies to lovers because you're a reporter and you have to interview him but he always said no.

ONYX I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS

like i’m both sad and horny now??? you rlly said sandwich huh? that’s actually such an interesting idea though and it’s also getting into the idea of the second chance trope omg. i love that its angsty on both sides w y/n having having their own thing to figure out and issei also trying to figure out what y/n is to him :o

i love nothing more than the idea of him making excuses for reasons to be close to you just so he can end up fucking you PLS

AND YES ENEMIES TO LOVERS W SAKUSA? might as well make it enemies w benefits to lover bc holy fucking shit omi would hate-fuck you so good. and then he’d start catching feelings and not know what to do about it so he’d keep his distance. maybe he’d even start trying to be nicer to you to try and tip you off. but then it absolutely just backfires on him and he ends up right back at your place more heated then ever, and he gives you the best sex either of you has ever had omfg

[bunnyriviere]

my god i cant get my head out of this mess so imma rant, then MAYBE i can focus on my assignment like damn babe i thought your passion is stats, why are you obsessing over a guy that doesnt care enough. huh? care about stats instead babe!!!!!! i just want to only have to care about maths but i know my life is ruined if i dont have relationships, so i try. but i must suck at it so bad if everything just ends in flame like this, im so tired im teary eyes.

im on my phone and honestly dont know how to do the uh line to cut short the post so if anybody unfortunately see this im sr :(

this is not even about a romantic relationship, i dont even know why i just couldnt like a person like that but damn fine. this is about a male friend i made in grade 11 i guess. i have never liked men. im afraid of them and dont want to have to interact with them ever. i know its bad and i should change but i just really want them away from me im sorry..... so i wasnt even friendly with him, but i was polite, i know how to be a decent person. he was friendly and nice and friends to all which only made me think aw geez just stop being friendly i know this is not because you like me. but i was eating the snack he brought to class anytime he brought it without much thought cause he offered i aint gonna say no. all the while still not consider him a friend. not until a friend said im not being nice if im eating his food while still not seeing him as a friend. and i have always feel bad about not being friendlier towards men in general and he made the 1st move which made it easier for me to just go along. so i did and thats how we became friends.

hes really nice and i mean it. i think really highly of him. maybe its just me having bad luck so i havent met many that are nice?? i really believe they are just myth tbh, im about to settle for that thought. and this guy is really how i wish is the standard for all men. hes just that good, i have no complain. i truly like him and glad that my friend said something cause otherwise we probably wouldnt be friends.

again no romantic feeling. i just have to, remind the invisible audiences of this post i guess.

now we all know covid. and because of it, i couldnt come home and wanted to lay in bed even more than normal. so i didnt push for it when he said he couldnt meet anybody in the summer because he didnt want to accidently give somebody it. just saying that cause this is a 2 ways road right, nothing is ever only his fault, its also mine. i want to rant about my feelings but i dont want to dismiss any mistakes i made yk. so we didnt meet up then.

christmas came and before then we were talking about christmas gift and i didnt wanna any so i didnt prepare anything also. this person is too nice and i dont want him to feel bad. but anw i just thought maybe we can still meet up even if its not for gift exchanging. but i didnt ask or anything at all cause well, hes from here, he has family and friends that are definitely closer to him, and he had work. i know hes busy and if he wanna hang out he know where to find me. i just dont want to accidentally add something more onto his list of to do. he would be too nice to say no. and we are not that close i dont want to add more work for him. i dont have relatives or friends here other than him so im free anytime if he wanted to meet up. but that didnt happen, i dont think we talked at all. which fine i hate to admit but i was hurt. ugh hate showing how vulnerable i am. yuck. yikes. -100/10.

i just didnt think about it? i didnt try to reach out either so that was my fault too but just, if he didnt care then i wont either. so i really didnt think about him anymore.

came reading week! it really was 1 year from the last time i saw him honestly. he asked to meet up and if i want to go somewhere and tbh no im in the countryside rn is that the corect word so there are no place to go. but i remembered this 2ndhand place i like to go sometimes and i hadnt gone in a while so why not. so we agreed on that. and i know he was probably just tired, and there are people who sigh a lot, its not uncommon. but not seeing him for a long while and knowing this is a place i suggested, him doing that really made me feel bad. i probably shouldnt, but couldnt get the thought that he was probably doing this just because hes friendly not because hes friend with me. it fucking sucked. when we got out and he dropped me back at my home i still felt so bad he didnt get to enjoy himself so i asked if we could watch jojo together. yeah he loves jojo. i dont really care for anime im so sr i prefer realing manga lmao sr.

now ok maybe im still being dumb, probably. but tldr i truly believe people can be friends and affectionate even when they are from opposite sex. it didnt work out so well cause i got molested lmao cause some other guy thought that was cool to do. so that honestly worsen my uh wariness of men. but like i said, i think ive said it, i trust this person. honestly i do, we hug a lot and i had never felt afraid of it. i believe he wont do anything. im just really comfortable around him. so we cuddled while watching anime, that had happened before im really sr if you think thats wrong, i still believe that could happen.

but maybe its because i was tense from thinking he really didnt enjoy hanging out with me that much. i kept connecting remembering what the molester did and while i just knew i swear i knew he wouldnt do anything like that, i couldnt get it out of my head. i felt bad for that but there were just 2 things that happened so similar to what happened with the molester. haizz he kinda laced our fingers together but it wasnt handholding, same thing happened once before with m-dude and it felt weird but i didnt want to question that friendship so i didnt. and at some point of jojo i kinda jumped and he held me back, not pulled me back or anything but was holding me in place, and it was probably to make me feel safe but honestly if anybody even use a little bit of force i will just think of when i finally got the courage to turn around to confront the other dude for touching me, he held me back and i couldnt move at all. i think i froze a bit.

argh back to the main story. see how i totally suck? hahaha just blaming this friend for something somebody else did. im so sorry, i suck.

well after that we picked up talking again but idk! was it me overthinking? was it? because it felt like he didnt want to talk to me at all. it was, how to say it. he was friendly yes he talked hmm. damn how-- it felt like he didnt care for what i said. its a feeling idk how to put into words. and that sucks. he didnt seem interested in me before, felt happy enough when we cuddled, then back to being uninterested. i knew i know he doesnt want me romantically. damnit am i only good now for hugs. are we friends? what i meant is not sex but am i only good for physical stuff? i dont fucking know, the m-dude obviously just want a fwb and i was to trusting to notice. is this my gut feeling or my anxiety idk!

another side story. another guy suddenly expressed interested in me right when covid hit but it was because he couldnt get over his ex so i stopped talking to him for a while and picked it back up when i thought he was no longer idk being annoying about it. i thought he had to at least like me as a person to even express he liked me romantically. but apparently not. he looked so uniterested suddenly and denied when i asked, then stopped reading my texts.

so you see. i just cant if haiz ok do- do anybody like me? just as a person? idk.

god i knew i fucking suck for being so sensitive and anxious and im sr for wanting stuff but maybe i want you to look like you care a bit when i said you are reminding me of the m-dude, instead of saying ok we can talk less then. i already felt like you dont want to talk to me, you dont have to say that...

officially crying heyho.

just saying no you dont dont like talking to me when your actions were saying the opposite is not cutting it either... i also thought highly of the covid confession guy too but what happened now. im sorry for comparing you to others! but i learn from experiences... and this was sus... (yah its a joke i cant help it.)

and if i just agreed and stopped talking to him right it just, felt like a confirmation that yeah its true hes just letting me hug him not because im his friend and he knows i like hugs so he lets me. but its more like its convenient that a girl is hugging him so he wont say no. something like that. that sucks. thats all im good for. if i were his friend, it would include the talking too.

ah!! i know we are not close, we are both casual friend. he is definitely not on my top list to tell stuff to but damn i still like him enough to hurt. and to not asking for too much.

so anw i kept talking with the anxiety that never got solved and that made me frustrated and i picked at his insecurity to made him hate me enough to stop talking to me cause i couldnt bring myself to stop, id feel so bad. this is really toxic and i admit this is not the first time ive done it, to a different person but its the same thing.

hahaha act like i hate him while just want him to see how i feel so bad. yeah im a tsundere.

it worked so i stopped talking to him for a week and focused on talking to my other friends. friends i know without a doubt love me and want me because i really didnt feel that with him at all. sorry i know you were tired with covid.

that made me felt better and i was not in panic mode anymore, i can calmly assess things now. and before, i felt bad because i truly believed i was just seeing things, i couldnt see pass my anxiety and was blaming him for what, nothing. he did want to talk to me. but my mind was clearer after that one week and yeah i cant really make more excuses? yes i was sensitive and made things worse, but there must be something for me to pick up first. it didnt just come out of thin air.

so i sent him some texts saying that, because just leaving without a word is bad communication. i have to tell him and at least give him a chance to change i guess? did he need change? im doubting myself.

i- hm he just said yeah his look and way of talking really make him look like hes tired and uninterested, and laughed at my marie kondo joke. you know the one. idk! all i saw in that was yeah thats how it is, accept it. and i-- i, cant? i dont want to... i dont want to :(

but my mindset for just about anything is value the process, not the result, like as long as you put work in! thats great! and he- he was, talking... he put work in..... i would feel so bad to deny it. but at the same time, it was not enough... i hate! to say you need to do at least this and that! but it didnt feel like enough..... im sorry :(((( i am.

ive talked about my tendency to lash out. last time i didnt want it but i had to get away quick so i didnt mean it but i still did it. but this time i was truly angry. because i just wished there was more care for me but i know that was all there was, and i couldnt do anything about it. couldnt even ignore him. he was even drier then, and i got it, i lashed out at him, ofc he wasnt going to be friendly. but just why were you trying so hard... no, no it was not trying hard, you were answering texts at the speed of once every 2 days. why were you answering at all? you clearly didnt want to. but again so was i. did i really have a say.

so i sent angry texts at him. about how fake his friendliness was, did he really consider me friend, why did he keep saying no it was not that he was uninterested while it was obvious that he was. also that i want to fight him. i really do want to. hopefully he will beat me up hard enough that i can be in a coma and die in 9 months idk. (listen 9 months is enough time to make a new human, if im not awake by then, you need to let me go, thats my wish.)

he said that no he doesnt like to fight and thats the last text i got from him.

because ofc i dont hate him him, the whole him idk what im saying. just angry and hate that hes not matching me on how we value this relationship i guess. not besties like how he likes to joke, but eh, was hoping more than what i was sensing. i still sent a text being like ok fine do you still want to talk and if so how do you want me to do. but he didnt answer it in time so i decided for him that nah we wont talk anymore.

heyho i was sad, i am sad. and ok hear me out, HEAR ME, i dont use tarot for future but just for my feelings and how to deal with them, and my deck said ok babe this is the end, you will have to move on now. so i will.

tbh lmao for every relationships that i emotionally invested in. i always make an essay on my feelings because thats how i conclude things, and so i wont forget that my feelings are legit. so the moment i started this post, hes dead to me i guess.

wow this post is long. but i did really like him so.

im moving to uni city next month but i know he will leave in the summer so i wont have to worry about seeing him then. and probably not further in the future either, we go to different uni and are quite far away and our common are not gonna question things i dont think. dont think they would even notice, we are not in a group or anything. and even if i do end up meeting him. my feelings while was anger, but it stemmed from sadness and disappointment so it wouldnt be too bad. on the other hand... m-dude..... i am afraid of meeting you, lets please please please not meet damnit.