#i dont know why i bother talking with people. it just reminds me how much of an outsider i am

[vampyroteuthid]

just learned that one of the two people who i could call friends here fucking got married a couple weeks ago and the one other person (the one i lived on the same property with for 15 months) was there and even though i have seen her since it happened neither of them told me about this. and they have also regularly been hanging out without ever inviting me. obviously i don't need to be involved in everything but you never asked if i wanted to hang out even once even though i said multiple times hey we should all hang out sometime. ok 👍🏻

[itsseriouslyridiculous]

I really hate how my physical body looks so so so much. unfortunately there isn't much I can do about it.

[shilo-sumac]

ive always been an outsider looking in whenever i was around other people, in gradeschool, as a trainer, ...wherever the hell else i was

thought it might be different on rotumblr when i first heard about it, i was excited even, talked to everyone i could at first!

... but everyones either sad or missing or angry or hurt or want to be left the fuck alone and im just. here. watching like its a tv drama, reading their lives, trying to get involved where im not wanted, not making it better, not even making it worse, just. there. just an observer. a lurker.

mmm. maybe rin was right. maybe human connection is just more than its worth. i have my pokemon and my island and ill talk to people when they wanna adopt and thatll be good enough for us. my pokemon family...

...

maybe, maybe thats all ill post about then, starting now, thisll just be a rescue and care resource blog, maybe. then i could get my fix of rambling off to strangers without any attachments or or,, idk. i got used to scrolling through this stupid thing now so quitting cold would be hard...

blech.

[rosesareredrosa]

theo nott x harrys twin based off of scared of my guitar by olivia rodrigo where like since shes a slytherin people dont rly like her and are rude and she and harry dont talk at all and she lies to theo saying shes ok but he finds her diary and finds out everything and he comforts her

You are NOTT Nothing

Theo Nott x fem reader

w/c: 1371

Being Harry Potter's twin sister meant living in his shadow, but being sorted into Slytherin meant living in isolation. I’d spent years pretending the whispers and the cold shoulders didn’t bother me, but the truth was, it hurt more than I could ever admit. I was the black sheep, the one who didn’t fit in Gryffindor like everyone thought I should. And worse, I wasn’t even accepted by my own housemates.

I could feel the stares on my back as I walked through the common room. The Slytherins watched me with narrowed eyes, some with curiosity, others with disdain. I wasn’t one of them, not really. I wasn’t the sharp-tongued, cunning Slytherin they expected. I was just Y/N Potter, the oddity.

But the worst part was that Theo was part of their group—the popular ones, the ones who ruled Slytherin with confidence and charisma. Theodore Nott, with his quiet intensity, was different from the others, but he was still one of them. He spent his time with Draco, Pansy, Blaise, Mattheo, and Lorenzo, the group that everyone either feared or admired.

I always felt out of place around them. Draco’s sharp wit, Pansy’s biting remarks, Blaise’s aloofness, Mattheo’s mischievous grin, and Lorenzo’s easy charm—they all made me feel like I didn’t belong. And Theo? Theo was the only one who ever seemed to notice me, the only one who looked at me without judgment. But even then, he was distant, part of a world I could never touch.

I’d gotten good at pretending it didn’t bother me. I’d perfected the art of smiling and nodding, of pretending everything was fine when inside, I was crumbling. I didn’t let anyone see the real me—not even Theo.

I’m scared of my own guitar, of all the things it says I am, I scribbled in my diary one night, reflecting on the lyrics that had been running through my mind. The song reminded me of how terrified I was of the expectations placed on me, how scared I was of not living up to them, of not being enough. Of all the things I know I’m not, I added, my heart aching with the weight of the words.

It’s like the strings know the truth, even when I lie to myself, I wrote, feeling the familiar lump in my throat. I hated how vulnerable I felt, how every time I tried to express myself, it felt like I was revealing too much. I’m scared that if I play, everyone will hear what I’m trying so hard to hide.

One day, I was sitting in the library, tucked away in a corner where no one could see me. I was supposed to be studying, but my mind was elsewhere. My diary lay open in front of me, the pages filled with my fears and frustrations, the things I could never say out loud.

Just as I was about to write something, I heard footsteps approaching. I quickly closed the diary, my heart racing as Theo rounded the corner, his expression unreadable.

“Y/N,” he said quietly, his eyes searching mine.

I tried to smile, but it felt forced. “Theo. What are you doing here?”

“I’ve been looking for you,” he replied, his gaze flickering to the closed diary on the table. “I... I found your diary in the common room the other day.”

My heart dropped. “You read it?”

He nodded, his expression pained. “I didn’t mean to invade your privacy, but... I couldn’t just ignore it. Y/N, why didn’t you tell me how you were feeling?”

I looked away, shame flooding through me. “Because you’re part of their world, Theo. You’re with Draco, Pansy, Blaise, and the others. You wouldn’t understand.”

He stepped closer, his voice soft but firm. “I’m with them, yes, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. I’ve seen how they treat you, how everyone treats you. And it’s wrong. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

I shook my head, tears welling up in my eyes. “You don’t get it, Theo. I’m not like them. I don’t belong here, not in Slytherin, not anywhere. I’m just... nothing.”

Theo’s expression hardened, and before I could react, he reached out and took my hand in his. His touch was gentle, but there was a strength in it that made my heart skip a beat.

“You are not nothing,” he said fiercely. “You’re Y/N Potter, and you’re more than just Harry’s twin. You’re brave, and strong, and you’ve been dealing with more than anyone should have to. I hate seeing you like this, and I hate that you feel like you have to hide it from me.”

The tears I had been holding back finally spilled over, and I looked down, unable to meet his eyes. “I don’t want to be a burden.”

“You’re not a burden,” Theo insisted. “You never were. You mean something to me, Y/N. I know I’m part of that group, but I’m not like them. I care about you, and I want to help you.”

I took a deep breath, the words bubbling up in my chest, words I’d been too scared to say out loud. But looking into Theo’s eyes, I knew I could trust him. I had to let him in.

“I’m scared, Theo,” I admitted, my voice trembling. “I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of my own thoughts, of what they say about me when I’m alone. I’m scared that I’ll never be good enough for anyone, not for Slytherin, not for Harry, not even for myself.”

I could feel his grip on my hand tighten, his eyes softening as I continued.

“I’m scared that if I open up, if I let anyone see who I really am, they’ll hate me. I’m scared that I’m not strong enough to be who everyone thinks I should be. I’m scared that I’m nothing, Theo, that I’ll never be more than just the shadow of someone else.”

Theo stepped closer, his other hand gently cupping my cheek, forcing me to look at him. “Y/N, listen to me. You are not nothing. You’re not a shadow, and you’re not alone in this. You’re everything that matters to me. I know it’s hard to believe, but you’re worth so much more than you think. And you don’t have to pretend with me. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

I stared at him, my vision blurred by tears. “But what if you see all the things I’m scared of? What if you see me for what I really am, and you realize I’m not worth it?”

Theo’s thumb brushed away a tear that had escaped down my cheek. “I already see you, Y/N. And I promise you, you are worth it. Every fear, every doubt, every single thing you’re scared to show, I’m here for all of it. You don’t have to hide from me. I’m not scared of who you are. I’m not going to run.”

Something inside me broke, the walls I had built up around myself crumbling as I let out a sob, stepping forward into his arms. He held me tightly, his embrace warm and secure, and I let myself fall into it, let myself believe that maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t alone after all.

“It’s okay,” Theo murmured, his voice soothing as he stroked my hair. “I’m here, Y/N. You’re not alone anymore. You don’t have to be scared. I’ve got you.”

I clung to him, my tears soaking into his robes as I let out everything I had been holding back. Theo held me through it all, never letting go, never pulling away. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I wasn’t alone, like I wasn’t just the shadow of someone else.

I had Theo, and in that moment, that was enough.

[divinesolas]

Flowers | The Series | Chapter Nine | Truce? Truce.

Summary | what could joffery possibly mean by a truce ? and what does rhaenrya targaryen, the queen, want with you ?

Pairing | Jacaerys Velaryon x Fem!Reader

Warnings | not proofread, implied homophobia, implied internalized homophobia, jacaerys-less chapter

Word Count | 1.4k

A/n | sorry for the super late update, wasnt feeling motivated to write for this story but now i should be back to more consistent posts!!

Series Masterlist

"a truce?" its an odd question. what was he talking about?

"i have something to admit to you." he seems nervous, "i believe you are someone i can trust, this is a rather delicate situation regarding our courtship."

You tilt your head, what was he talking about? he sighs and hesitates for a few silent moments before continuing, "I promise i can offer you a peaceful and kind marriage." You nervously laugh for a second, "i would hope so ser." you stop after seeing the look on his face.

Its sad, almost as though hes expecting the worst from you. "I do not find comfort in women."

its rushed and hushed, a dirty secret not meant to be mentioned. you feel, you dont know what to feel at the news. hes sitting watching you, waiting for some reaction.

Hes waiting for you to stand and scream at him, calling him a monster or start telling him you can change him. Hes used to the thing, his mother is kind yes but she denies the truth that is right in front of her face and continues to shove finding a wife down his throat even when she had found a man in his bed.

"im sorry... for you to be saying such a thing with such sadness must mean people have treated you unkindly before. i do not have any sort of issues with it, with you of course. im sorry im not very good at these sorts of things ive never done it before." you laugh, its a nice, odd change from the once sour and sorrow mood in the room.

you watch as he begins to laugh as well except his laughter is more of one of relief. Tears begin to stream from his eyes and his once happier mood turned sour. you frown, he is a kind man and does not deserve such sadness in his life. you know how people around here feel about when a man does not have taste for a woman but it has never bothered you once before.

you move your chair to be sitting next to him and place a comforting hand on his shoulder. "i am truly very sorry ser joffrey."

he shakes his head, his face dawning a smile despite his tears, "you are much too kind my lady, much too kind to be stuck with the likes of me my lady." you can barely believe his words, "you are a fine man ser joffery." he scoffs, "i am barely a man." "you won that match today i believe that is rather manly." it hurts to be reminded of jacaerys and his lose today but it must be said.

He laughs once more, "i am rather good with a sword in more ways than one." you hit his shoulder, "this is not the time for jokes." you offer him a handkerchief to which he accepts and runs it over his face. "it is always time for a jest my lady."

you roll your eyes. His looks goes back to something more serious. "i know i cannot offer you love but i can offer you my friendship and a peaceful marriage."

"why me?" its a just question, youre sure he has hundreds of other eligible ladies lining up at his doorstep, wanting to be future lady of the vale. His looks turns more thoughtful as he looks up at you and smiles, "You are easily the kindest and possess the purest of hearts of all the ladies ive meet. i could tell from the second i met you you were different. ive never met a lady quite like you."

His words cause you to flush. you know he does not mean them romantically but you have to admit it is a romantic statement. "and i see i still have my charms even with snot running down my face and wet cheeks. dont go falling for me so easily my lady."

You hit him on the arm as you turn away from him, "you are a buffon." he laughs, "im sorry my lady." you shake your head and look at him once more. you can tell he is being genuine, there's something so real about this joffery that you couldn't really see before.

As you contemplate your answer he speaks up, "i do not wish to rush you with this sort of thing. its a forever commitment and such a decision can not be made minutes after i have asked you. i am glad though it will give me more tiem to woo you with my charms."

He stands you follow and grabs his arms causing him to look at you in shock, "i can not give you my answer now. but i promise you i will genuinely consider it. i promise." he grins finally a look a true comfort and contentment comes to his face, "that is all i ask."

he walks towards the door with you slowly behind, a lingering question still in the back of your mind. He goes to greet you goodbye before you stop him, "may i ask you something?" he nods, "of course. anything my lady."

you think about how to words this, you cannot just ask him if it had anything to due with the match or the prince. "may i ask what prompted this? i mean you seemed like you planned to tell me at some point but why this early?" he looks at you like hes a little kid being caught in the kitchen stealing a dessert.

he sighs and looks down, "i feared if i hadnt done this now, you may be stolen from me." you blink rapidly, "i am not blind my lady, the prince is very obvious in his affections for you, it seems like i have a rival." he couldn't possibly mean it.

the look on your face causes him to laugh, "if you do not see such affections then you are the blind one my lady." he smiles as he opens up the door, greets belle before giving you a parting bow, "You shall see my lady. good day."

you shall see? see what? you watch his body exit your line of sight and belle quickly rushes in, closing the door behind her and letting out a sigh of relief.

you flop down onto one of the chairs. What just happened? Belle notices the look on your face and worries, “is everything alright my lady?”

you dont know how to answer. Is everything alright? you just found out the man youre in a courtship with will never truly love you, you may never get youre fairytale ending like youve always imagined.

its a hard truth. on the otherside it is probably a better match than any of the other men here. you are not naive, marriages are usually loveless with at best the husbands avoiding the wifes to take the company of another barely if ever seeing the wife and at worst, abusing the wife.

you run your hands along youre face, what were you going to do?

“I believe i am, maybe its best to pinch me to make sure i am truly awake.”

shs shakes her head, “maybe a walk instead, the best thing to cure a thoughtful mind is some fresh air.”

Shes right, behing outside relaxing in the sun feeling the aroma of the grass and flowers around you really did help you think.

You nod and stand, “youre right i shall go for a walk.” you decide you should head to see your dad. Hes always the one you go to when you need advice and hes the one you wish to see right now.

you exit the room and begin the walk to his room. your mind still chaotic from todays events, first the match with jacaerys then your interaction with him afterwards then this whole situation with joffery. You can barely breath.

You stop and put your hands on of of the open walkway rails and take a deep breath, closing your eyes. You just need to breath, its not all that that bad.

“You look like you have a lot on your mind.” The voice you hear shocks you causing you to turn and quickly bow, “my queen.” she waves her hand with a smile. “You are the lady dunn everyone been talking about yes?”

Your face heats, “most likely my queen.”

She laughs, “no need to act so stiff, i just came to ask you to join me for tea.”

your eyes widen, “wh-um-i- of course.”

--

Tags | @abrielletargaryen @aemondssiut @elissanatok @bubblestopia

[museofthepyre]

do you know what everyones problem with elijah is? Im new to to fandom and im so genuinly confused as to why people seem to like think elijah is the worst (as in evil) character in the series. like i dont think people find him poorly written, they just, dont like him? which is fine yknow like who you like, but then people act like jedediah is a flawed but good character? which confused me a lot since I actually dislike jedediah more, as he just hurts in a more personal way it feels like. Elijah was sweeping Sydney in with promises of love that he hadnt gotten from jedediah, sydney only accepted that because of the way jedediah had been shunning him for years. It really bothers me that people forgive jedediah for his bad behavior, but then crucify elijah for behavior that while yes was very bad, had been hurting syndey way less for way shorter, and the only reason sydney was that vulnerable was because of jedidiah. Im asking because i am genuinly confused and I cant find anyone talking about the why of disliking elijah, i dont know if im missing something because of personal bias (jedidiahs mistakes that hurt sydney hit much closer to home than elijahs) sorry if this is a bit rambly, Im just very disenheartened to see so many people say they hate elijah when I just dont understand why, you dont need to answer this ask btw its mainly just curiousity

I think you kind of touched on the answer a bit already- imo it definitely comes down to what hits closer to home for any given listener. We all have unconscious biases. We all consume media through the lens of our own life experiences, and… ok ramble incoming

Elijah and Jedidiah both think/ behave in ways that are profoundly human, they represent very real concepts (see my whole Jedidiah= unhealthily distant, withdrawn and cold attachment style, and Elijah= unhealthily obsessive, suffocating and intense attachment style rant). These aren’t your typical innately evil villains, they’re just unhealthy people with warped ideas of love. That is an all too common thing to see irl. I think because of that… many of us can relate one or both of them to people we‘ve known in our own lives… alternatively, we can relate them to ourselves. I’ve heard some people say that Elijah’s actions hit a nerve because of past traumas with toxic relationships… aaand I’ve heard people say the exact same thing about Jedidiah! I think Elijah receives more scrutiny because his actions were… well they were actions. Visible, overt, right in front of you. You can point at them, pick a line from the transcript and say “that right there is bad”. Jedidiah’s wrongs often came in the form of neglect and abandonment, an absence of action, that’s so much harder to pinpoint. Maybe he’s slipping under people’s radars? Maybe more people see themselves in him and have a sense of understanding (which is valid, he embodies some very relatable neurodivergent struggles). Maybe it’s because he steps up and works on himself by the end and we don’t see that from Elijah (yet). Maybe people find Elijah “worse” because he reminds them of a more common negative experience, I’m not sure. One could speculate.

I’ll speak personally as an example of what I mean: I am wayyyyyyy more upset by Jedidiah’s actions. And that’s because of… you guessed it… my own personal experiences and how they influence my perception 🎉🎉🎉 I’ve got BPD, and I have an all consuming fear of abandonment. The idea of loving somebody and then having them suddenly withdraw, avoid you, and treat you coldly all the while providing NO EXPLAINATION WHATSOEVER… just leaving you to spiral and pick apart your own behaviours under a microscope, thinking you must be the problem— it’s a major trigger of mine. I’ve lived it!!! I grew up with it!!!!! It hits a huge sore spot for me and I admittedly struggle to overlook that sometimes when I see him.

Conversely, Elijah… I unfortunately connect with in a much deeper way. My own default attachment style is obsessive, intense, and often leaves me tunnel-visioned and unstable (…BPD), and he speaks a language I understand? If that makes sense. I see so much untreated, pre-awareness me in him. I know what it is to be involuntarily engulfed by an all-consuming obsession/ delusion. He doesn’t scare me, because I know what he’s made of- I see what’s beneath it all when I look in the mirror. Or at least that’s the lens through which I interpret him, I’m sure many disagree and yk what? Absolutely valid!!!!

There’s no one correct way to consume media, yada yada you get the idea, CHNT is unique because no character is intentionally malicious or evil (not counting Adam maybe… Lucille you’re on thin ice) and it’s fascinating how there’s such a dichotomy between the love and hate for these two. I may have swayed a bit off topic I just have many thoughts. I might come back with more later.

Ok rant over 🪱

[ganondoodle]

Oh man I saw your totk issues post and I agree 100%!! Those are all things that have really bothered me about playing totk, and things that made playing it not nearly as fun (the dungeons, the shrines, the building, etc).

Especially the map!! When I tell you I was so disappointed by the maps on totk, I was hoping for something new! It really just feels like a modded botw, not an official sequel.

I was wondering what your thoughts are on the concept of “what if they had sent link to the past instead”? So the surface map would feature huge differences in the land forms and buildings that exist, and we’d get to see more ganon whenever he visits Hyrule, or go out to the desert to see Gerudo town, etc.

If they really wanted no sheika tech, they could also just have it being newly built? And you could introduce the new characters and such, etc etc.

(I also think the past champions are such a missed opportunity? If botw is about grief and loneliness, and finding hope in the hopeless, and Totk is about coming together despite that, it could have been really interesting if Link had gone to the past! They could have used the past setting as an eerie reminder to what Link and Zelda had lost when the Calamity struck!)

THAT BEING SAID: I’m not as familiar with the legend of Zelda lore, and haven’t played totk very much! I wanted to know your thoughts on this because you seem to have a lot of story and game mechanic knowledge that could explain why this could be a bad/good idea!

(Plus, your discussions are always super interesting to read, as is your custom totk lore, so I’d love to know what you think🩷)

I’m sorry if you’ve already answered an ask like this! If that’s the case, feel free to point that out and I’ll go through your ask tag if you have one:) I hope you have a great day!⭐️

Hi!

im glad you enjoy my rants, i often feel like im being overly mean but tbh were else could i just rant as much as my heart desires without getting spammed by annoying people (certainly not on twitter lol)

i have talked alot, and i mean ALOT, about totk and my issues with it, both lore and gameplay wise, i dont claim to be an expert on any, though i am an old zelda fan and aspiring gamedev, i really only talk about what i feel about it, what i think about it, and by all means im biased as hell xD

if you dont know yet, the "ganondoodles rants" tag is where all my rants go, so if you are interested in reading more on my totk thoughts thats the way to search (given tumblrs search in blog works ..)

and to answers your question, i have touched on it briefly, sending link back in time before the shiekah tech existed would have been an easy way to excuse how they jsut got .. rid of it, bc they didnt, it literally didnt exist yet- and for reusing the map- though that argument falls a little flat bc ... they coud have already done that in present totk, like i brought up in one of said rants, things like flooding gerudo desert, collapsing death mountain, drying out zoras domain etc, and changing the location of the main populations would have already done alot without having to redo the map in its entirety;

the little changes to map itself really wouldnt that big of a deal if they didnt also send you to the EXACT same locations AND repeat the SAME LOCATIONS AGAIN but in the underground, like thats a fact i have talked about multiple times bc its so illogical in every way, anywhere theres a settlement on the surface theres a bigger mine below, its so stupid, the shrines conenct to a lightroot, the same, again, you dont need to explore bc theres nothing TO explore (its also extra weird bc theres one below taburasa (tarrey town) which .... link literally build with dumsda (hudson) a few years ago .. unless that got retconned too idk wth do i know anymore honestly- AND it makes the sonau extra weird bc why the hell do they have a bigass mine under every settlement ESPECIALLY UNDER GERUDO TOWN like, that just adds to my suspicions towards them)

anyway, link to the past was the point and yes, it could have solved a few issues (mainly shiekah tech and the whole "story" taking place AGAIN in the past completely disconnected from you the player) i personally am not so much a fan of it, but that mostly comes down to me just not liking time travel, i dont like going back in time, i want to play and do things in the here and now, i want to repair the damages of the calamity, find out its origins, maybe fix that too, i love to learn about past stuff too, but that more in text, no literal flashback (unless done well), i want to connect to the past but it also holds alot of mystery that maybe shouldnt be touched upon, some mysteries and unkowns are much more interesting when left as such, i want to THINK about things and come to conclusions that are logical and makes sense in hindsight even if it wasnt clear at the start, i dont want information and what to think about it told to my face over and over like im stupid

after botw i really didnt care much about the past, maybe about the acient hero who alot of people specualted to be of gerudo origin due to its red hair- which also got a monkeys paw curled bc in totk they do sth with but its so stupid and insulting that i do not accept it as canon, say what they want, there are no dog people anywhere in the past nor present botw/totk wtf is that i hate it- and its not even .. why is that the reward for that, it has literally NOTHING TO DO WITH TOTK ITSELF I COULD YELLLL AAAARGH

main point is that really, i wanted to explore the past .. in the present, i hoped to find broken old shiekah structures, old labs and maybe some left over damage and records from when the old king persecuted the shiekah for their tech, i wanted to know where the ancient energy the shiekah used was coming from, what the boss arena in the middle of hyrule castle really was- so many things just discarded and acted like they never happened or mattered; i dont want to travel into the past, i want to discover whats left of it, piece it together, discover dark secrets you can ask no one about bc all that knew about it are long gone- thats what intrigued me about botw, it felt like there was so much left to discover only for totk to throw it all away and just do its own thing .. but not commit to that hard enough either so its neither its own thing nor a sequel-

.. that wasnt really what you wanted to know was it? xD sorry i tend to ramble on if someone seems to give me permission to

to sum it up, i think it COULD work, sending link to the past instead, if done well, but so could canon totk have been, it could have been done well but wasnt for reasons i dont know and tbh even fear bc i worry its sets a dark future ahead of zelda; i personalyl am just not a fan of time travel so i dont have that much to say to it :O

[wuucchoo]

How do you feel about Megumi and Hana? Friendship, romantic feelings, etc. 

im pretty neutral about them, i think. their pairing kinda reminds me of yorozu x sukuna, but a lot less crazier. and i never really thought about it until this ask.. but, arent they too similar 🤔?

also, i think hana was judged way too harshly for her fumble in 212 tbh. when it comes to writing megumi, gege relies greatly on subtlety - to the point where some people tend to miss the nuances in his character (and his connection with other characters) a lot.

people were saying that the only reason that hana fell for the bait was because she is a dumb kid. and while that could be one of the reasons, it wasnt really the main one. she failed because she believed in the goodness of megumi's heart. sukuna took advantage of that by acting like a shoujo male lead back in 212 (or 213?) to trick hana, and hana fell for it because, while she never saw megumi personally act like that, that was her perception of megumi - the kind boy who saved a random girl when they were kids.

there is potential in their pairing, canonically, and i would have loved if gege showed more of their dynamic before 212 happened. hell, i think it would have been better narratively if we saw hana before the culling game even happened. because the way it happened in the story was kinda abrupt, her connection with megumi felt like something gege just inserted there last minute or something. two pages of a flashback is just not enough.

but, yeh, gege wanted to speed things up so much - character connections and dynamic outside of punch punch kick just goes whooossh most of the time :(

and now that i think on it, gege seems to have a plan set in stone for megumi that he seems to believe to be good (story-wise) - and he has been holding it out from the readers for so long. however, because of this 'plan', he has not been able to 'properly' portray megumi's connections with other people aside from yuji. everyone else's connection with him, is presented in a manner that's too subtle people tend to miss it. ((i dont really know why, but these things were actually a lot more properly portrayed in the early draft, jujutsu sousen, where megumi and yuuji's connection was a lot more established - megumi and tsumiki's bond was portrayed better, etc. in kaisen, everything is built on subtlety in favor of punching and kicking all day everyday))

what im trying to say is that gege never really gave hana and megumi that much moments for me to feel anything about them as a pair in canon - platonic or romantic. and while i do love the careful subtlety in megumi's character, sometimes thats not enough when it comes to his connection with other people. its easy to sympathize with him, but not with the people he's connected with. i hope this side of the story gets some rework when the anime comes tho, additional stuff with regards to megumi's connection with other people (like his sister, hana, gojo, etc.) needs to be a lot more visible than subtle hints from gege.

((they could be cute in fanon, tho i dont really see much fan works of them together.. and that is mostly coz gege never explored their dynamic in canon. in canon, hana just comes off as a silly girlie who talks about destiny and such with a boy she barely knows - much like yorozu 🤔))

holy this turned into an essay.

uhhhh. tldr: i think they would have been okay as a pair (both platonic and romantic) if gege bothered to flesh it out.

[luvinelysia]

(ex) lovers under arrest !

pairing: scaramouche x reader (smau + written)

genre: exes to lovers, fluff, filo

wc: 1.1k

notes: this was supposed to be a valentines special while also serving as a teaser for an upcoming smau im working on but uhm this didnt really fit into the smau's plotline. think of it as me testing the waters. although this isnt included in the new smau's plot, all the characters here are the same characters on that smau too. i didnt proofread this btw sawry..

the door opened which caught both of your attention. the door revealed tighnari and the rest of the student council. you knew what they were here for and you dreaded it.

tighnari quickly explained what was happening although you both already knew why you were here.

'bwisit talaga toh sila!! kapag ako makapaghinganti—' you thought as the council students put the handcuffs between you two. the indigo-haired boy groaned completely annoyed at the situation.

"ugh, i cant believe im wasting my time being handcuffed to someone like them..." scaramouche complained, making you annoyed. "grabe ka makapagsalita ha, akala mo kung sino ka?? ano ka ba, gold?" you retorted

"how noisy... di ka marunong mag shut up?" he complained again making you even more agitated than before. 'porket na pogi ka ganyanin mo ako?!?—' you wanted to say but kept it in your mind as to save your pride.

"remember, wag kayo makipag away. pwede nyo ipatanggal ang handcuffs pag lumipas na ang isang oras unless kung nagpaextend yung bumayad sa inyo." the stuco president— tighnari, reminded.

"sana pinahandcuff nyo naman ako sa lalaking maganda ang ugali" you insulted as he groaned "you talk a lot for someone whos much more unbearable" he surely didnt fail to irritate you. "i swear, kung malaman ko kung sino yung nagpahandcuff..." he mumbled something undearneath his breath but you didnt bother listening in. you were too preoccupied with your internal panicking.

the both of you left the booth and stood infront of the entrance for a while. you didnt know where to go since you'd have to basically drag the boy handcuffed to you to be able to enjoy the next hour.

after standing there like two idiots, scaramouche dragged you to walk around. "hoy! saan ka papunta?? nakalimutan mo ba na andito pa ako? sabihin mo muna san ka pupunta before you drag me around!"

scaramouche ignored your constant screaming as the people around gave you weird looks while some of them were awwing about how you two were handcuffed.

"yieee!!! may crush ka na pala scara?" you hear a ginger-haired boy shout in the background which you assumed to be scaramouche's friend. he ignored the ginger haired boy as the both of you walked towards a more secluded area.

he took you to the library (technically dragging you) as he opened the doors and stepped in. "i wanted to go to the library since its more quiet here" he seemed a lot more calm now unlike how he was earlier when he was constantly complaining. "i hope you dont mind me dragging you here. it was too loud for me out there" his change in attitude startled you. was this really the same scaramouche that yelled and complained earlier? perhaps he was just overwhelmed?

he walked over to the shelves to find a book to read which caused you to stumble since again, you were still handcuffed. he searches for a book that interests him until he finally picks up a book. he looked at you for a moment. "...baka gusto mo rin bumasa? it'd be awkward if you just stood there while i read.."

"no its fine... tutulog nalang ako dito" you said as he sat down on the floor leaning against the shelved, which caused you to stumble amd get dragged down on the floor.

"...bat ka umuupo dyan, eh may lamesa at upuan naman doon" you pointed at the tables and chairs lined up. "you said you wanted to sleep and it'd be uncomfortable for you to sleep if you sat down there" his gaze never leaving the book. "as if mas comfortable pa dito..." you mumbled as you sat down properly to make yourself more comfortable.

he gazed at the handcuffs as he grabbed your wrist to pull you closer to him which caused you to flinch. the close proximity startled you, painting your face and ears a bright red. you didnt know what to say, and as much as you try to deny you didnt want to move away either so you just sat there, with your head on his chest.

"..sorry" he finally spoke up. "i know how much you dont wanna talk about the past... but i just want you to know that i still love you" his sudden confession made you even redder than you are now.

"tumahimik ka nga.. ang corny mo" you tried to look anywhere but his gaze. he chuckled at your response. somethings just never change. "besides, antagal na noon. mas mabuti pa kung kalimutan nalang natin—"

"what if ayaw kita kalimutan?"

curse scaramouche and his way with words!! "tama na please baka mahuhulog ulit ako sayo" you said nonchalantly, which made him chuckle. "what if i wanted that?"

"i know you have a lot of questions and im willing to answer them" he let go of the book he was holding as he held your hand. "im sorry for leaving without saying anything or giving you a reason. i felt like you deserved someone better than me." he spoke as you listened intently

"i noticed how much you prioritized me over yourself. i realized how much time you wasted on me instead of pursuing whats best for you. i realized how much i didnt deserve you"

he kissed the top of your head which sent butterflies on your stomach. you were supposed to be mad at him damn it! not fall in love!

"i miss you, y/n. please give me another chance." his voice was soft. you could tell he was being genuine. and who are you to deny someone like him? after all, you arent exactly the strongest person out there.

'god, alam nyo naman hindi ako malakas, marupok lang ako'

"namiss talaga kita kuni." you started after a bit of silence from your side as his heart beat when you said his name. "sino ba naman ako para sumabi ng hindi. marupok lang naman ako"

he chuckles as he kissed the top of your head.

"alam mo ba? mahal talaga kita" he said as you groaned "yuck ang corny mo talaga... i love you too.." you mumbled the last part but it was loud enough for scaramouche to hear.

the both of you stayed in that position for a while until your one hour was finally over. if this was you one hour ago you might have been relieved to be finally be free from this pure evil named scaramouche but now, you cant help but want to extend it as to not let him go again.

you both walked back to the booth as tighnari and the others removed the handcuffs. your wrist felt a bit sore as you rubbed it.

"congrats on surviving an hour" tighnari joked as scaramouche simply glared at him. "pwede nyo rin mapahandcuff ang friends nyo"

"we dont really need—" scaramouche was cut off by you.

"actually meron ako gusto ipahandcuff" you said while mentally laughing about what might be thoma's reaction.

[kusundei]

food for thought. because everytime it is mentioned i think abt how similar we r and im like. well if he can do it so can i right. but my whole thing js judt that i am so??? awkward? i will never let myself stand out rven though i am very well aware i could. am i smarter than most people? maybe. do i connect with everyone and am i friendly and empathize deeply and am i a listener? maybe. do i have good leadership abilities and can i do all of those things? maybe. but again the big difference is that he is brave and i am NOT. and just in general with everyone. but then again that leads bsck into that weird self loathing. i dont let myself stand out. 1 - because thats embarrassing and i dont want to be perceived all the time , 2 - im afraid of messing up, 3 - i have anxiety and i am incredibly awkward lets not forget abt that (i can fight it well though if i tried) and 4 - i dont want people to remember me. and moreso other people deserve that alot more than i do hut then AGAIN. evil and bad.

idk its just like yes i stand out in small parties. people recognize me and know that i am entirely capable when i know everyone else as well. i dont like standing out in crowds though but im well aware i have a lot of friends and slash acquaintances that would most likely agree w me but also no. jell no i dont like saying that. i enjoy being recognized for my work but if someone else wants to take the credit it doesnt bother me. reminds me of like ap psych with trhe whole data thing. yeah i remembered it all but i dont want everyone to pay attention to that. i get staff of the month repeatedly and i am constantly praised at work but i dont like acknowledging it because thats so scary. ive had so many opportunities where i could have stood out . i could have been asb. i could have been top of my class i couldve been all of this and this and this but i didnt let myself because i believe other people deserve thag more and im also incredibly worried to seem boastful. thats scary. i will never talk abt my own achievements. i am your humble king always and i would have always let alex win every single time

idk i just keep thinking abt it whenever it is brought up. people r so proud of their achievements and will talk about it all the time and they will go on about how capable they r and that they won this and this and this but when i do it i feel so overwhelmingly guilty even when its true. i will never stand up BECAUSE of it. do i think people r boastful whenever they do that sort of thing? helll no. im happy for you. i dont know why its so different for me i just pay attention because i am shocked one can be so confident. so i take it into account. we r the same. i am fully capable of doing those same things. he is so honest abt how smart he is and do i think he is not? hell no. hes right abt everything he says but then i think abt it and im like well why cant i do that. i know i am as well but i cant ever vocalize that but then i also cant dumb myself down tjat much cuz then people will think i am looking for attention. and then it becomes a whole cycle

like maybe i do want attention sometimes. i wish i couldve stood out. i wish i took those leaps i was fully able to do and let myself be myself in front of those crowds but im also so petrified of that attention 😓 which is why it is so endearing when i realize people do recognize that i am. smart i suppose. because its like oh. you knew that? and when people r just like. “I dont get this - ask sam he would probably know” “of course sam got this and this” “ask sam what he got” like especially in ap sem last year. geometry. it was endearing and yes i did bask in it in those small groups because its nice for a bit and yeah i do like the attention. i dooo. and oh my GOD does it suck so bad when somebody who is at the same level as me or lower (sorry) is praised for their work. because its just like. oh well i couldve done that too. but idk i am yearning or something.

idk so random i just keep thinking abt it. he is so proud and i am so proud of him as well and it makes me wonder why i cant be like that. i dont like saying that “we r the same” really because no i do think he is smarter than me and he deserves all of that and he deserves to be so proud of everything hes achieved and his knowledgement of how smart he is . just makes me think alot. where do i stand there. ? but comparing is evil. but that is a thing i do alot. just with evrryone. idk. then again yeah i do dumb myself down just cause its easier that way. but idk its whatever i dont want to go home because im worried being alone alone will cause me to crash out. at work again i cant crash out because im being perceived. same at school. but once i am truly alone then what. idk. i just dont have the energy to really do all of this again and i should probably talk to someone. cant keep doing this idk but whatever

[thewizardprincessau]

hey. dont cry. dissection of the passerine animatic + the accompanying character study ok? ok.

tldr: my son chun tao she is so fucking ill

Honestly Passerine is THE Chun Tao song. To me. bc it fits really well with his religious guilt, but i also like to recontextualize the chorus to instead be him talking about eri. they were the one really pulling the weight during the early days of their friendship, and chun tao feels a lot of guilt for that

but first! the animatic! it centers around chun tao's guilt for eri being so sweet to him despite him being a stoic ass cold bitch. i actually color-picked the palette from the album cover of eurus (that passerine is from) and slapped on a noise filter to achieve that same grainy effect. it looks nice 2 me.

eri is represented in a distinguishing yellow, someone bright and unique to chun tao, while he himself is colored in the same white as all the other details in the background. While making him the same color as the lyrics helped establish they were His thoughts, him blending in w everything else while eri has their own unique color is his way of putting eri on a pedestal, viewing them as more important than he'll ever be. they're the monarch and he's just their prince consort. that's how he always thought of it.

i dont have much to say about these frames in particular but here are their corresponding parts in the study! theyre just meant to establish their relationship w one another before leading up to the next part, where he sees eri as this blinding light, but just cant let go of that one sign of weakness they had shown him during their wedding. a small glimpse of a them he didnt quite understand yet, and never made the effort to.

at some point, chun tao Snaps and berates eri for trying to get so close to him. at first i wasnt sure if his mindset made.. sense? but connecting the dots from earlier, it DOES make sense if you see it through the point of view that he sees eri as someone above him. chun tao isnt someone who deals with people and he's used to impersonal business relationships and he thought this would be another one of those which is why he's so shocked, caught off-guard, even offended at eri threatening his status quo. brother hates vulnerability, and it terrified him that someone was trying to get through his walls, so all he could do was lash out.

im not absolving eri of blame either though.. i think they still had some wrong in not immediately recognizing chun tao's boundaries. they were so eager to be her friend, they dont realize they might come across as overbearing. and they were, in a sense, but chun tao does also realize its unfair to them to take their innocent gestures of friendliness with so much malice. they just have conflicting ideas on the world, and it clashed, and no one's totally wrong but no one's totally right, they were just coming from their own places.

In here chun tao watches as eri reels back and apologizes for all the things she had shouted at them at. but it's also the same moment chun tao realizes that she does Not know much of anything about eri at all. it's very faint, but there's the outline of a sobbing younger eri staring straight at the screen, supposedly at chun tao, like a reminder of the eri she never got to meet herself. one that was hurting just like her. and that younger eri still resides in the one standing before her crying too, she just never got to see that side to them because she never bothered to figure that side to them out. (AND the "your" is intentionally written twice, like its referring to both eri in the present and eri in the past. by failing to understand them, chun tao feels like he's failing both eris.)

as mentioned earlier, chun tao gets mad at eri for having a "perfect life" and thinks theyd never understand her. but. the thing is. chun tao isnt LETTING them understand her. she keeps pushing them away. and she realizes it was presumptuous to assume they would understand her, because well. she.. doesnt even know what eri's Been through atp. she just assumed eri's life's been perfect because theyre so composed and chipper, but she didnt know who they were a couple years ago at all. she thinks that bc eri's secret relationship is lovey-dovey that their love is perfect, but chun tao didn't see their toxic yuri of a start and that they face a lot of problems as a couple too. chun tao thinks that bc eri is so well-loved by the public that thats that, but she remembers that people gossiped AND gossip hard about them bc of their status as a non-sorcerer. they were dehumanized and alienated by the public too, just like her. and this realization hits her HARD.

he then tries to make an effort to be more involved in eri's life after this point, reconciling with them and becoming their best friend. okay tbh the scene described in the character study is NOT the same as the one pictured in the animatic but i HAD to get a hug in there somewhere.

the last two scenes are a BIG flashforward to ursa's creation, where chun tao is panicking hard about eri literally dying to create their homunculus baby. also ursa is drawn in white but has eri's yellow present too, showing how he's a combination of them, their little kid :D

the whole lyric bit of "but i cant shake this feeling that i was only pushing the spear into your side, again and again and again" is supposed to represent chun tao feeling like a thorn on eri's side causing them pain. he scolded them for being nice to him, and they went on to sacrifice their life in a dangerous ritual to create their son and uphold tradition, but he just feels so so guilty for all of that. he cant shake the feeling that he's a source of their pain and suffering, and it eats him up alive.

-----------------------------------

ok ANYWAY moving on to the CHARACTER STUDY NOW!!!!!!!!!! just parallels and stuff w the writing

guys im a fucking feature writer of course im going to start and end with the same phrase ("chun tao is not a people peson, and his family knows this very well"). chun tao refers to two different families in the opening and closing segments: in the first he refers to his biological family, and in the second its about the family he found and made in quiro. both his families knows he struggles with social interactions, and his bio family (his cousins) make fun of him for it, so he goes on to detail how he views social interactions as a system, a formula he understands. his family in quiro instead tries to HELP him get better at it, and he instead recognizes that social interactions are something personal that require heart and genuine investment (shown in how he notes that ursa cares about him deeply), even moving past his frozen style of speech with the mention of jokes. tldr he's fucking cringefail at socializing and his bio family called him cringe but his chosen family said he's cringe but free. what

Perfect life/love/reputation. At first he hates eri for having these "perfect" things and thinks theyre sooo happy because of it, but later on realizes that their life isnt perfect and neither is his, but he finds joy in what he has anyway :)

the repeated mention of chun tao saying he'd never fall in love with eri bc he's so stuck in his rigid view of romance, but later comes to love eri as his best friend AND love his found family too :'3

chun tao wondering earlier if she should try to emulate eri's pleasantries, and ends up doing so later down the line! both lines have the same structure with the "quick greeting + smile despite being tired"

"Ahia" is Chinese for the eldest brother and it's also used to refer to children to know their birth order. Chun Tao calling Ursa this is an acknowledgement of him going to be a big brother soon! tbh in my head thats what the meeting eri called for is about but its just my headcanon (<== SAID THE ONE WRITING THE STORY)

ALSO i dont have screenshots to show but eri is only intentionally mentioned by name in the flashforward, to show how back then chun tao only saw them as THE princess/monarch but eventually comes to recognize them as eri, his bestie :3

oh my god i. think thats it? good god. might add onto this if i remember more but. thank you for entertaining my insanity why is this 1400+ words I NEED TO EAT BRUNCH

[kookie-doughs]

Your Voice

Oikawa Tooru X Reader

-In a world where only a few people has a soulmate, and they are burdened with a disability until they meet their other half.

Chapter 8: Soulmate

Italic is signed, Bold is written

School hasn't been easy. With how close you are to the volleyball team whilst disabled, you were bound to be talken about behind your back.

They think juat because you can't hear them, you dont know what they're saying. They don't bother hding their moving lips as they laugh about you.

"She's so disgusting. She has a soulmate but she's hanging around Oikawa-sama... like OMG?"

"Her soulsmate must not want to be with her that's why she's still like that."

"What a whore. I heard she's also clinging around Matsukawa and Hanamaki."

"If I had a soulmate and it's her. I'd rather stay disabled, she's disgusting."

This was why you walk with your head down most of the time.

But then you also get reminded why you don't do that. You bump your head into someone.

He had short-cropped blond hair with two black stripes running across the sides of his head, just above the ears, wearing his uniform. He looked down on you with a scowl.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? "

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bump into you. "

"Fucking idiot. "

He then proceeded to walk away. As rude as he was, you were shocked and maybe even amazed as he knew to sign at you.

You checked behind you to maybe see his back and your assumptions were true, he was someone with a soulmate.

In Aoba Johsai, those with soulmates have a different uniform from others. And at the chest of their uniform it says which of the senses they've lost. He must've seen yours. It was too bad you didn't get to see his.

You continue your way to the cafeteria and there you saw Oikawa and Iwaizumi. You join their table where they had food for you already.

You tapped on the table looking at Iwaizumi. When you got your attention you signed.

"There was a guy while I was on my way here."

He raised his brow telling you to continue while he ate.

"So like, I was walking with my head down like how I always do and I bump into him. And like most people would usually just scream at me or something. This guy he signed at me!!!"

You were flailing your hand around being excited.

"What'd he say? "Oikawa signed

"He cursed at me but he still signed at me its really cool. This is the first time someone interacted with me for the first time and signed! I usually have to ask them first!!!!"

Oikawa pouted, you being too excited about the other guy didn't even realize.

Oikawa was the first. Not whoever the new guy is.

Iwaizumi then tapped the table to get your attention. Which also got Oikawa's.

"You've never really talked about other guys before." Normally Iwaizumi would have a problem with guys, but something about the guy. He couldn't put his finger to it.

Your face flushed, and Oikawa froze seeing it. You looked away from your cousin who was now smirking.

He tapped the table and you saw a paper. "Did you get his name or at least his class?"

You looked down face red. Why were you embarrassed about this. Why is your heart beating fast? He couldn't be your soulmate... could he?

You felt your phone vibrate signalling that your break was over. Without batting an eye to the two you ran out after waving at them.

You missed seeing Oikawa's shocked face. He had an incredibly distraught look.

The guy must've been her soulmate. There was no way she'd have that much pull to someone if he wasn't.

The realization hurt him.

He wasnt her soulmate. She wasn't his.

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Taglist?

@gayer-than-the-gayest-gay @wormonastringonastick @the-sander-fander

[kosherkept]

hey I'm converting right now and I just wanted to say that I had the exact same experience, I reached out to my Rabbi at the tail end of the intro to Judaism class and had to wait about a year for the next one to start, I'm not sure if you know but they might be hesitant to talk with you about conversion because it's custom to turn down potential converts 3 times before letting them even begin converting so if they seem like they aren't giving you a chance just keep trying and keep in mind that rabbis are really busy, I would recommend reading some Jewish books and listening to Jewish podcasts in the time between now and your intro to Judaism class starting, it's a great way to get more involved in Judaism and go ahead and start learning more about it formally while waiting, I'm a big fan of Living a Jewish life by Anita Diamont and her other book Choosing a Jewish life, but I'd be more than happy to send you the list of books from my Rabbi sponsoring my conversion if you want! It's definitely a frustrating wait while waiting for the class but it's absolutely worth it once you get here

hi! i'm definitley well aware of the 3x rejection tradition, but that wasn't what was going on. i didn't go into too much detail about the conversations i had with each of the rabbis so i dont blame you for assuming that might be it, but it was more of a dismissal than a rejection. especially since i kept going back to one of them after being "rejected"/dismissed and if anything it felt like he was actually bothered by me rather than like, paying attention to my persistence, like how i imagine he would have been had it been tradition. i'm not sure how to describe how we talked without trying to flat-out quote them directly which feels a little strange to me lol

several other people have also recommended reading books and doing research in my own time and trust me i have been!! i have seven or eight books that i own that i'm getting to one by one, and "choosing a jewish life" is actually my current read (although i do have Opinions about it that i'll share later once i'm finished with it). one of the shuls i visited when i was trying to meet with the rabbis also has a reading list and i've chosen several books off it it already, too, even if i don't end up converting there. i definitely thought that was a smart idea for them to have (you have to pick a certain number of both fiction and non-fiction books off their approved list in order to complete conversion)

i will say though (and i'm not sure if anyone else has had a similar experience), one of the rabbis actually advised me against doing my own research about judaism of any kind. he said he believed most of the things people discuss on the internet are false (although he didnt really specify what things, which is...annoying, to say the least), and that without the guidance of a rabbi i was wasting my time. which....felt a little unkind, almost? but he was the one i liked the least, so who knows.

but part of my post was also that it almost feels like half-assing it to read jewish literature and continue learning, but not actually do anything to begin the conversion process. that was why i said if the next rabbi i speak to does the same thing,* i'm going to consider fully putting *everything* on pause, including reading, until i can actually take the class. that way it won't feel like a constant reminder of what i could be doing instead, had things worked out differently. yknow?

-

*which he may not!! i checked his shul's website and they aren't affiliated with the same board of rabbis that the other ones were, so he may not even require the class to convert at all?? i do think the class would be beneficial and provide a sense of structure, but time-wise (also money and location-wise. as someone who relies on a shitty public transit system to get around, the class meetings changing location every week to a different shul on the complete other side of town is going to be absolutely horrendous), it's not "optimal" (not sure what other word to use). i definitely have both questions and concerns about it but i'll be able to ask the rabbi if everything goes well :)

[seventhfracture]

63, 69, 73, and 77? 👀

63.       Something you hate to see in smut. I agree with translightyagami that I dont think you should use smut to emotionally info dump. Yes, I want to hear them like... processing the significance or whatever of the moment. But don’t go on a 300 word tangent about their childhoods or raindrops or whatever when boy-cunts are getting railed. Sex scenes have really tight pacing and vibes to work. Good smut scenes are like pulling off a magic trick. If you use them as an excuse to monologue I think its better to go with a really vague, low detail, sex allusion rather than an actual smut scene.

69.         What work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing? If something really bothered me or I felt it didn’t reflect me I would delete it. And I wouldn’t apologize for that. That’s my right. But I love my stupid experiments because if nothing else they show me how much progress I’ve made and remind me of things I learnt.

73.         What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works? I think everyone is unique in their writing. Different histories, media diets, etc. I can talk about my weird quirks, but I genuinely don’t know why some people gravitate towards my stuff more than any number of other talented writers. Must just be on the same frequency? I can’t pinpoint a thing. Maybe a combination of things...?  

77.         Do you have a favorite scene you’ve written from [Fanfic Name] story/chapter? Hmm, let’s pick a story... The last scene from “Prime Suspect” I agonized about for weeks up until posting. It was the right ending. I knew that in my gut. But I was afraid I might get tarred and feathered. So I kind of held my breath, pressed post, and waited. It went over really well, and I love it. But I did worry for a long time lol.

[just-some-random-blogger]

Its okay to be sad. Feel your feelings. It's normal and perfectly okay. Your writing will always be there. Your mental health should always come first.

aLSO OMFG SHUT UPI CAN BE THE SAME WAY BUT IT'S THAT IM TOO DISTRACTED ALL THE TIME. I'm /too/ talkative and I sometimes i feel like people are like wow not talking to this bitch lmfaooooooo. I'm always like damn my extroversion strikes again 😭

Go ahead and show us!!! I'd love to see it!!

Oh my God I'm a huge fucking metalhead. Screamo is my preferred genre, but it's pretty much all under the heavy metal genre. I'm going to see Motionless in White in July for theeeeeee 3rd? time???? I can't remember, but asdhlasiudhasildh highly recommend listening to them and their album "Scoring the End of The World" . Fucking incredible. Also Amity Afflictions new album "Not Without My Ghosts" . One song on there called "When It Rains It Pours" has been on repeat for the past four weeks for me. 🥲

ALSO can't believe that interviewer didn't bother asking his favorite metal bands LIKE YOU HAD ONE JOB. ONE. 😭😭😭😭

Oh shit i think i just got an idea for an aemond au i could write 😈😈😈😈😈

(: yeah. it is ok to be sad. its just a challenge to navigate

IM ALSO A DISTRACTED TALKATIVE PERSON LOL and im also sometimes on the fence about how people react to me and my learned extraversion AHAHAH

ANYWAY HERE ARE MY TSHIRT DESIGNS try not to mind my annoying watermark. i added it cos of the 'ok anons' i get that i do not trust. i did this for fun and i dont want anyone to do anything but look at this. @lexi-anastasia wanted to see too so heres the big reveal LOL

🤠BONK🤠

OK I HAVE AN ADAM DRIVER AS MAURIZIO GUCCI BRAINROT OK OK AND I REALLY WANTED TO TAKE A WACK AT DOING THE METAL DAEMON TEE BEFORE REPLYING. i know the metal tee it could be more distressed but IDK I THINK ITS A SLAY IM GOING TO BE MAKING MORE IM THINKING OF REDOWNLOADING PHOTOSHOP JUST FOR THIS PROJECT COS I DID THIS ON CANVA AND THERE ARE EFFECTS I CANT ACHIEVE THERE

I PLAN TO MAKE LIKE FIVE SHIRTS SO AHHH IM SO EXCITED HAHAHAHAHAH but also i probably wont redownload photoshop cos its been years since i touched that 😓 lolol

also! im so glad that you mentioned the music you did.

ive heard of motionless in white! i think i tried getting into them but lol i didnt AHAHH i took a listen to scoring the end of the world, as in the song, COS WHAT AN INSANE TITLE THATS SO COOL i loved the song so MUCH!!! i really liked how heavy the instrumentation is! i look for this in pop music a lot and im like 🧍‍♀️ why didnt they go heavier? SO THIS WAS REALLY NICE

but then i kinda giggled when i heard the lead's emo voice T_T HAHAHAH i was like yeah that's about right, i'd nearly forgotten some people sing like this unironically 💀💀🤣🤣 idk i had expected a voice timbre like the singer in maneskin, damiano LOL. i could talk about this more but itd get too long

i also listened to "Not Without My Ghosts", not realizing you were just mentioning the album name, and "When It Rains It Pours". when i was listening to not without my ghosts i thought scoring the end of the world would have been cooler had the motionless in white singer had that kind of voice timbre BUT THATS NOT A SLIGHT I JUST THINK THAT PERSONALLY I STILL THINK ITS A SLAY.

and when i was listening to when it rains it pours, it for some reason reminded me of pain by of mice & men, idk if its the screams or the lyrics, maybe a bit of both. i love that song so much. anyway when it rains it pours was like... ok for me lololol again not a slight but i liked scroing the end of the world better

oh and i hadnt realized ewan talked about that in an interview. i mean, maybe the interviewer was idk nervous or smth T_T LOL. i t be like that. anyway, i hope you have fun writing that aemond au idea my love! id ask you what is is but if you wanted to say then you would have lol.

thank you for dropping by!!! i love you

[psykoz]

ok so some things that have happened at my job

- coworker said the r slur in front of me, a few others, and one of the front end managers. manager says nothing to stop it and in fact jusf laughs and agree w the overall statement (halloween costumes looked [r-slur]ed). this is significantly worse as not only am i (not openly at work for fear but pretty obviously) autistic, but the field we are working in is specifically with seniors with a specific type of mental and intellectual disability

- person who hired and trained me and is an assistant, also higher position not a manager technically but on the management team, learns i dont celebrate xmas thru an email i willingly send, totally fine. but days later, unprompted and unrelated, she str8 up asks why i dont celebrate and i feel the need to reveal some inkling of religious beliefs which i really do not want to do

- literally wont tell me half of the things i need to do/not do until after i fucked up anr get reprimanded. they never told me what the callout policy was, until after i recieved a write up for breaking it. they didnt tell me a security feature for someone had been updated, until i almost messed up SECURITY and a coworker had to tell me it had been changed. theres more but pointing out every time would get tedious and repetitive

- already blamed me once for having "too many missed calls" despite every one of those missed calls having been before my start time or after i am meant to clock out, some even having come past midnight or before 6am when im still hours away from even needing to be getting ready to clock in, outright admitting that it was more likely because their phone system isnt patching back to the after hour line, or after hours people are just not picking up the phone. and still called me in for a full 8 hour "training" shift where i spent well over 75% of the day sitting, not working OR training and thinking abt how much shit i needed to get done in my personal life and how wasteful this was, because of something out of MY control when im not even fucking clocked in.

- my bosses have all been on at least one vacation in the 3 months ive been here. despite being called, verbatim, "the last line of defense" and being in charge of peoples lives, having to potentially de escalate an angry senior if i tell them they arent allowed outside, and having to be around people that are dying at least one person every week or 2, i get no benefits and no chance to even accrue vacation or sick time. i would have never accepted a job with not benefits or sick or leave if they had explained to me the full scope of the stressors i have dealt with. i know for a fact my ptsd has gotten more severe after this job and i went thru a traumatic experience that i wont talk abt bc it was out of the hands of my job tbf, they couldnt have stopped it from happening, but i have still been exposed to multiple deaths and one event ive been unable to stop thinking about and fearing. they have never suggested grief counseling is available to any employee

- sometimes they put up fliers for mandatory meetings/trainings without sending any text/email about it. this sucks for so many reasons. i just may not see them, i have multiple disorders that give me memory issues so having a reminder on my phone would be helpful, qnd the worst of all: they have put up fliers on a day i wasnt working for a mandatory meeting, on a day i wasnt working, and i did not have another shift until 2 days AFTER the meeting that i didnt even know happened bc they didnt bother to let me know despite me being physically unable to see fliers if im NOT THERE.