#i dont know why but something always felt off with their films and them

[jun-orphancross]

1966 and Disney has never been any diffrent.

1966.

Maclean's Magazine trashes Disney's Winnie the Pooh

[sanspuppet]

Another 18+ scenario of San because i can't stop thinking of him and his huge chest.

smut, angst

Jealous/angry San: hard, rough sex

You entered into San's dorm, which he shared with his bestfriends, during the university year. He wasn't there, and you knew it, because he had one other class before the school day would finish. You looked around, searching for someone to talk with, when you noticed Mingi was laying on the couch, watching his phone. You saw his eyes staring at your body through the corner of his phone, it was quite understandable, given the length of your miniskirt, showing completely off your legs. Something went wrong in your head, and a sudden thought of you sitting on him, flowed in your mind.

"Hi Mingi! What are you watching??"

"Uhm... a f-film." he couldn't stop looking at your exposed skin, at the revealing tank top you were wearing, all for teasing him and his friends.

"Can i join you?" you asked, approaching him with an innocent smile, while taking off your shoes.

"S-sure." he only could respond, he knew what was your purpose, and he also knew it was completely wrong. But you wanted just to watch a film, right? He couldn't refuse, so you instantly sat next to him, your left hand resting on his tight. After some minutes, knowing that San would come back soon, you choose to make things a mess, like you were doing for some days:

"Min, i can't see clearly, can i sit on your lap?" you asked looking at him with your puppy eyes.

"Uhm... i dont think it's a good idea..." his nervousness growing under his oversized sweatshirt.

"Pleaaaseee Min" you begged him, already moving on top of him. You could feel heartbeat speeding up, so you layed your back against his chest. The film was catchy, but your focus was only on the face San would have seeing you like that. You started to rub yourself against Mingi's lap, and you could immediately feel his boner growing harder, under your panties.

And it was when, you heard the door closing, and saw a strong figure staring at you: San.

"H-hi bro..." Mingi's face was red for the embarrassment (and for how hard you made him "involuntarily")

"Hi Sannie!" on the contrary, you smiled as if nothing was happening.

"My room. Now." was the only thing your boyfriend replied, and a smirk was placed on your face once you were following him.

He shutted the door behind him, angry. The look in his eyes was intimidating, you could tell he was really upset.

"Tell me, kitten. Why the fuck do you keep teasing the others?" he said with a strange calmness.

"San- i-" you tried to say something, despite you perfectly knew he was not expecting an answer.

"Wanna behave like a slut, huh?"

You always thought your boyfriend was a calm and kindhearted person, so much that you questioned yourself if he would ever get upset with you. That's how you started to slightly tease his bestfriends, and see if he'd get jealous, and oh yes, he really would, but that stupid little joke turned in a serious way, when he decided that you had reached the limit.

"You like to rub yourself against Mingi's cock, with that little slutty skirt of yours, huh?"

"No please- i didn't mean-" you immediately felt scared, realizing that you maybe had exaggerated.

"You know you got him so hard, do you?"

"San, im so-" you got goosebumps, as he grabbed your hips with one hand, squeezing them with his fingers, so desperately that it would probably leave bruises on your skin.

"Shut up, i better mark you as mine, right?" He walked a few steps towards you, and placed his index finger under your chin, forcing you to look at him. But the only thing you could do was staring at the floor, too embarrassed to even see his mad face, you were used to a sweet San, who cuddled and praised you everytime he could, his angry look, was now seriously scaring you.

"Fucking look at me, what? Now you feel guilty?"

"Y-yes..." was the only thing that escaped from your mouth, you were trembling under his stare.

"Oh we'll see if i should forgive you, take your clothes off."

"But...Mingi-"

"Huh? What? you want him to join? You'd like to be fucked like him, yeah?"

"No i didn't mean that-"

"It seems like, seeing you behaving like a whore."

Tears started to fall from your eyes, you've never seen him like this, making you realize you've really messed up. You wanted to apologize but you knew he wouldn't forgive you, not until he could hear you screaming for him. San grabbed your hips with both of his hands, and threw you on his bed with force. His look was cold, like he didn't feel anything for you now, he was extremely upset, and you could tell it.

"I said, clothes off. Want me to call one of my friends to do it for you? You little slut."

"N-no, i can do it myself." you almost choked with your saliva, panicking by the thought he hated you by now. You got immediately naked, under his gaze.

"Spread your legs."

"Yes d-daddy-" when you called him like that he used to like that, so you thought it would somehow help his angst.

"Dont call me like this." He said before lefting the bedroom. When he came back, behind him was standing another person: Mingi. You gasped and instantly tried to cover yourself with your arms. San chuckled:

"What? Never seen a slut being shy for her naked body."

"San- i really-"

"He'll watch. If that's what you really want, he will see how much of a whore you can be, maybe you'll learn something."

"Uhm... San i dont think i should watch-" Mingi said, hesitant.

"Yes. You should." San replied, making him sit on the armchair, in front of the bed.

You eyes were now red from how many tears have fallen from your eyes. You barely cared about Mingi's presence, what you really wanted now, was your sweet San.

"Please im sorry San..."

"i'll forgive you once you'll be completely emptied from your cum." he started to untie his belt, and dragged down his jeans.

"San. Mingi has nothing to do with it, let him go." You tried to look more serious, hoping you'd convince him. In facts, he turned back and looked at Mingi. San rolled back his eyes, sighing:

"Okey, leave."

Mingi instantly stood up and left you two alone. San got closer to you, his face a few inches from yours, you could feel his deep breaths against your skin.

"If i fuck you mercilessly, you'll learn your mine, right?" he took your neck in his hands, squeezing it slightly.

You nodded, preparing yourself. He sat on the bed behind you, and dragged his hands down on your body, until they reached your clit. He whispered in your ear:

"One orgasm for each day you kept flirting with my friends, this is for Tuesday." he suddenly slided three of his fingers inside your pussy, pounding them into you relentlessly. His other hand keeping your leg still, while the tip of his fingers were touching your g-spot at every thrust.

"Come on, i know you'd like to moan, don't you? Fucking scream for how much you enjoy to be fucked."

The only thing you could do now was obeying, he had you, he owned you. You groan extremely loud, when he sped up his pace even more, his fingers rubbing against every single part of your walls.

"That's it, that sounds exactly like a slut."

"Please- San- im c-close-" you kept moaning, your body started to shake by the immense pleasure: he has never touched you like this.

"Already? That's so humiliating, how sensitive your pussy is." He placed his other hand on your clit, moving his fingers in a circular motion, harshly. Your pussy clenched intensely around his fingers as you felt your first orgasm coming. And in no time, you completely wetted San's hand. You've never released so much cum in your entire life, and it felt incredibly good.

"I should clean this mess up." he said, and moved in front of you, on his knees, his eyes facing your throbbing pussy.

"W-wednesday?" you trembled, knowing you probably couldn't take again all of that pleasure, since you still had to get off of your recent high.

"That's it." His lips were now placed on your clit, kissing and sucking it. Then he licked your walls with his warm tongue, sliding it inside you a few times. You arched your back, your eyes shutted as you tried to ignore all the pleasure that was taking the control of your body, you couldn't stop shaking, your fingers gripping the fabric of the blankets, desperately.

"So fucking wet, all because of me, right?" he asked you. Despite you were too fucked out to respond.

"Right?" he repeated, squeezing your pussy with his fingers.

"Y-yeah! F-fuck-" you choked.

He looked at you, smirking. His tongue was now rubbing against your folds relentlessly, licking them like it was his last meal, the tip of his nose pressing against your clit. His hands were keeping your legs opened widely. You were already reaching your climax again, so quickly that it was embarrassing. You couldn't help but scream his name:

"San! San- please! Im yours-"

He groaned, and let his fingers pleasuring you.

"Don't try to escape it like this. You have 2 days left." he said, before you squirted on his face, exhausted. He licked his lips, tasting it, and took his remaining clothes off. His dick was standing straight, his tip red, thick and pulsing for how hard he was.

"Doggy style." obviously, he loved seeing your ass slapping against his hips, everytime he fucked you. You immediately placed yourself on your hands and knees, barely standing, because of the tiredness. He didn't wait before taking his dick inside of you, already thrusting in you deeply.

"Thursday."

A couple of minutes passed, before you felt your walls pulsing and clenching way too much around his dick, warning him you were hitting your orgasm once again. God, poor Mingi, the amount of screams and groans he was forced to hear, it definitely seemed like a pornographic film stage.

San's thrusts became sloppy and messy, segnaling he was close too.

"Gonna fill this pussy with my cum, and you'll take all of it." he said, before releasing inside of you, until his cum was sliding out of your folds. You layed your chest on the bed, too tired and fucked out, that you couldn't even think concretely.

"i-i can't-" you tried to murmur.

"Oh yeah, you can. You'll regret what you did to Mingi."

"s-sorry. i'm s-sorry."

"I know, i know. Just take it one more time, ok baby?"

Baby, that fucking word convinced you.

You tried to nod, turning yourself so you could face him. He looked at you, his stare was now more relaxed, and less angry, which it made you cheer up a bit.

"Good. I give you some seconds before the next round."

He layed on the bed, beside you, looking at you. His hand was resting on your tummy.

"Why did you do it?" he asked, with a sad tone.

"T-that was stupid, im sorry..."

"I asked you why."

"B-because you were just too kind, was thinking if you would ever get angry with me."

"Why would i? you're perfect."

You turned your head, looking at him, tearing.

"Im so sorry San, i swear i only want you."

He got closer to your ear, and whispered:

"I know it, i'll try to be more gentle now. Okey?"

He said, before sliding his cock inside of you again. He threw his head back for the amount pleasure, and moaned your name.

"You're so weird y/n... but i still love you."

----------------------------------------------------------------

i highly recommend this song, don't know.. it's just sooo good and they need more recognition :/

[herecomethefuzzz]

hi sylv!! btw i wanna say quick tysm for ur support on my fics🥺💗ur always so kind in the tags it makes my day <3

i come w/ a request!! best friend! reader petsitting jambo + the other guy while schlatt's away and him coming back to see you sleeping on the couch with the cats and him realizing he has feelings for you🥺

-rabbitsrams <3

OHMYGOD HELLO ???? you have no idea how excited i got when i saw your user. i love your writing so much its actually amazing !!! anyway, here you go !! it might be a bit long and it probably sounds like i was rambling a bit sometimes because my brain literally. exploded. but uhh yeah !! i hope its okay (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

- a couple days ago your best friend, schlatt, asked if you could look after his cats whilst he went out to film something for his channel. he'd promised you they wouldn't be too much of a problem.

- of course you'd said yes, not wanting to let him down. it was only for the day, couldn't be too big of a job, right? oh my god you were wrong. those two cats were just so CHAOTIC when they were together.

- that day you learnt that a black cat and an orange cat are not a good combo.

- absolute hell. you had jambo running about, doing classic orange cat stuff, and the other little guy was so. loud. literally all he did was MEOW. it didn't help that he didn't let you pet him much, seen as he didn't know you.

- you'd tripped over them more times than you could count, and, honestly, you had considered calling schlatt and telling him to come home more than once.

- it got even worse when they started to get hungry. literally round your legs CONSTANTLY meowing. it was only when you walked into the kitchen that you realised they were hungry.

- once you'd fed them, there was finally peace and quiet. so you decided to go and relax on the couch. it was late, and you were beginning to get tired anyway. you curled up and went on your phone, mindlessly scrolling through twitter. (X?? idk i just call it twitter LUL)

- after around ten minutes, both cats pattered back into the living room. you sighed, expecting them to wreak havoc again, but instead they both jumped up on the couch, and came to lay with you.

- you put your phone down as they did so, and jambo came to curl up right in your arms, whilst the other kitty laid in between your legs.

- you smiled, happy that the two kitties had finally calmed down. infact, everything was so calm and quiet that you felt yourself drifting off.

- it didn't take long for you to finally fall asleep, with the two cats being snuggled up to you, they gave you a lot of warmth.

- not long after you'd fallen asleep, schlatt had gotten home. he was grinning as he got to his front door, expecting you to be up with the cats, waiting for him.

- he opened the door, shouting a, "hey toots! i'm back!" as he walked down the hallway. as he rounded the corner to walk into the living room, his jaw literally dropped. very dramatic reaction from mr. schlatt here.

- his eyes travelled from you, to the black cat inbetween your legs, then to jambo, and he felt himself smile. maybe he even felt himself go a little pink.

- the fact you were comfortable enough to fall asleep in his house made his heart beat just that little bit faster, but he had no clue why.

- and then it hit him. as he looked at your pretty face again, studying you as if you were an art piece in a gallery, he realised he had feelings for you.

this was originally meant to be like. a proper fic. but i then realised that my brain cannot comprehend writing an actual story right now so it got turned into a bulleted thing i hope you dont mind (⁠｡⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠)

[bykii]

angst for whatever character u want i dont really care who its just been on my mind

minors dni 18+ | pronouns: gender neutral |contains: angst, like smidge of fluff, no named best friend, uhhhh i felt played so u guys have to as well

he was always so sweet, the way your best friend would care for you. taking care of you when you're ill, wordlessly giving his jacket when you were cold, even offering to carry you to the car when your feet hurt after a long day of hanging out. your heart grew fond of the way he treated you, making your feelings impossible to bottle up. even his friends knew about your admiration with him being more than oblivious to how you've been around him.

it was one night, he had come over after you needed a break from work. you've been so stressed you nearly exploded at your coworkers before clocking out. luckily, he had come over with snacks and flowers to cheer you up. all his actions made you question how he felt about you. it was sweet.

the two of you decided on a movie to cooldown. he plopped himself on the couch, opening his arms to invite you in. shrugging to yourself, you found a spot engulfed in his warmth. the movie was slow and long for such an overhyped film. a yawn escapes your mouth which prompted your best friend to giggle. you hummed on his chest, fighting your sleep. he pressed a kiss on your head as a sign of reassurance to succumb to your slumber.

then another kiss on your forehead. thus prompting you to tilt your head up to look at him.

then one on your nose. your cheeks were glowing bright with color. you both locked eyes at one another. a smile plastered on his face as he looked down at you. something in your brain was buffering for a second when you examined his features.

out of curiosity, you pursed your lips out at him. he snickers to himself before leaning down to press his lips onto yours. his lips were soft and comforting. what was going on? kissing your best friend was never in your books. you pulled away, staring back at him. "sleep, i know you're tired," he said softly.

"but we're hanging out," you whined.

"i'll be fine, just sleep here," his hand rubbed your back while the other turned off the movie. you sighed, admittedly your eyes were already getting droopy at the sight of the film. you looked up once more, only this time he puckered his lips out to you.

one last kiss before sleeping.

it was only a week or so later. you, him, and all his friends hanging out at one of their houses. everyone was doing something different, some playing video games, others just talking, whilst you mind yourself at the kitchen counter. you admired how well he would get along with his friends.

your phone began to buzz, it was work. rolling your eyes, you stepped into the hallway to take the call. they were asking a bunch technical things, hours, overtime, blah blah blah. soon after the phone call ended, you stared at your screen before walking out the hallway. yet, something caught your ear, halting your steps.

"yeah they were so sweet!" you heard. "i took them to that one cafe by the college. we talked about work, interests, and just random stuff."

"i take it the date went well?" one of his friend's states.

"what about y/n?" another asked. "did you tell 'em about the date?"

"not yet. i don't think i wanna say anything to them until i know how i feel about this date," your best friend spoke. "we already planned another date so, i'm excited."

"did you guys kiss or anything?" the friend speaks again.

"mhm, we held hands most of the time we were together," he chuckled. "i think i'm starting to like them. i hope things go well."

that was the moment. all the voices tuned out, sick to your stomach, not sure to speak up or to run away. your chest hurt even more, thinking back to when you two kissed. thoughts flooded your head with regrets. was it just for fun? did the kiss mean nothing to him? why would he kiss you back if it didn't mean anything?

fighting your tears, you took a deep breath before taking a step out from the hall. eyes moved to look at your figure. you couldn't bear to make eye contact with anyone but you could feel the worry emit from his friends. "oh! y/n i didn't know you were back there i thought you were in the kitchen?" he asked, tilting his head.

"oh," you said softly. "it was too loud out here so i went back here to answer a work call."

"oh, did you-" he starts but you cut him off quickly.

"i have to go, work called me in. they need a lead on shift and i'm the only one reliable," you lied thru your teeth. your chest pain sharpened. "thanks for inviting me, i'll see you guys next time."

heading for the door, your steps were quick. "y/n, wait let me walk you out!" your best friend called out.

stupid.

"why are you walking so fast? i said i'd walk you out," he huffed as he caught up to you at the apartments elevator.

his stupid kindness.

"don't wanna be late," you grumbled. "go back to the guys, i'll be fine."

stupid caring self.

"y/n, i always walk-"

stupid. stupid. stupid.

you thought.

"i said i'm fine," you snapped. "i'll see you when i see you."

ding.

the elevator opened, you stepped in. not realizing there were tears running down your face. you turned around, facing him. concern was written all over his face. you wiped your face as the doors began to shut. locking eyes with him one last time, before never seeing him again.

[f0reversharky]

𝐁𝐀𝐃 𝐃𝐀𝐘- 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐞 𝐌𝐨𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐮𝐝

hey y'all guess who's back, so ive really been into beta squad and footasylum and stuff and i barely see any imagines or stuff about them so yeah this is my first sharky blog ever and im excited so yeah

l pairing: sharmarke mohamud(sharky) x reader

l summary: Y/n is having a bad day and sharky tries to cheer them up before theyre video

l warnings: swearing

𝙋𝙃𝙊𝙏𝙊𝙎 𝙁𝙍𝙊𝙈 𝙋𝙄𝙉𝙏𝙀𝙍𝙀𝙎

if u guys have any tips lmk!

•·.·''·.·•

y/n woke up today, feeling quite uneasy and with a heavy heart

y/n didn't tell anyone like always because she didn't want anyone to worry and she had to film a video so theyre was not time in thinking about how she felt,

she was sitting downstairs in the beta squad house on the couch dressed into a sweatpants and one of sharky's hoodies she was quite comfortable as she was staring at her phone looking at tik tok and she heard niko and aj yelling and loud thumping from them running down the stairs

y/n sighed and looked behind her over her shoulder and gave them a weird look "yo whats up with you lot why so loud its 8 in the morning" y/n said with annoyence

as kenny agreed as he was sitting on the other couch also on his phone aj chuckled and said "oh someone is cranky in the morning and u lot get ready because we have a video to film or did u guys forget huh"

aj looked at me and kenny with a fake pout and i flicked him off getting of the couch and walking up to me and sharky's shared room and i walked in seeing sharky at his desk playing a game and i sighed sitting on the bed, as i saw sharky looking over his shoulder with an confused look

"you alright there love?" sharky said looking at me over his shoulder and i just gave him a nod "get ready we're about to film a video" i said quietly as i got up from the bed and walked over to the closet

i heard sharky's chair screech against the floor and i felt sharky taking my hand pulling me on his lap as he tried looking in my eyes but i just avoided eye contact knowing that i would start crying if i looked in his eyes

"look at me y/n" sharky said sounding quite firm, i shook my head looking down at my nails as i picked at them and i felt sharky taking my jaw gently and making me look at him and he said quietly "whats wrong baby"

i sighed feeling the tears coming and i just shrugged "i dont fucking know i woke up feeling like shit and with a heavy hard and i dont know if i can do the video cause im really not feeling it but i dont wanna disappoint you or the other members you know"

i mumbled feeling some tears rolling down my face and sharky pulled me closer kissing the top of my head and whispering in my ear "look ill tell the guys ur not in the mood and ill stay here with u and make sure ur doing okay" i frown shaking my head quickly

"no sharky i cant let u do that the guys need u in theyre videos" i said serious and sharky just looked back at me "and u need me look the guys will understand alright"

i still shook my head looking at him like hes dumb "look i'll just make it through the video" sharky shook his head "baby ur not feeling like it so im not gonna force u to do something that ur not in the mood for" sharky said giving my arm a gently squeezing to comfort me

"ur not forcing me and besides u will be there so i'll be fine alright" i said kissing his cheek and he sighed and said "fine but i will tell the guys to take it easy on u cuz ur not feeling to great alright?" i smiled softly nodding

as sharky pulled me in a hug muttering "i love you y/n, im not letting you forget that" i smiled "i love you too and trust me i would never forget that"

•·.·''·.·•

THIS IS VERY MUCH RUSHED BUT ITS 2 36 AM AND IM TIREDDDD, I DONT REALLY LIKE IT BUT I HOPE U GUYS DO AND PLEASE GIVE ME SOME TIPS THANK U XX

[spu10d]

“Night on the Galactic Railroad” ichihona

i read the novel and watched the movie recently so random thoughts below

(spoilers for NotGR too!)

OK SO uhm the way i initially delved into this was because i suddenly remembered someone online mention (VERY OFFHANDEDLY). that leo/needs trained set from ‘Live with Memories’ was based off of ‘Night on the Galactic Railroad’.

(^ so this set)

merged with this movie poster (for the film adaption where theyre all cats).

Ramblings…

of course this leads me to read the plot in its wikipedia page and. immediately find ways to apply it to my blorbos. (at this point i wasnt even sure if i remembered the book right/if this was even the right book… and im still unsure but whatever…) (im also bad at Media Literacy).

so i settled on ichihona to be giovanni and campanella. around middle school aged.

but at first, i had it in my mind that ichika -> campanella, and honami -> giovanni.

mostly because campanella drowned rushing in to save zaneli after he fell in the river, something i just felt was very Young Ichika… the impulsiveness, no hesitance to help another…

and that Young Ichika is someone honami wanted to be like. so giovanni being like Scorpio, wishing for a chance to spread happiness for the sake of others (like ichika)…

but i think ‘ichika being campanella and honami being giovanni’ didnt fit as well because giovanni was the one seen to be alone, while campanella was surrounded by friends and did nothing when they teased giovanni.

so once i swapped them around (ichika being giovanni, honami being campanella), i started having more ideas and… interpretations??

ok first off. campanella is likened to scorpio, wanting to (and unlike scorpio, somewhat achieving) ‘save others’ and ‘spreading happiness’. which i think tied nicely to what honami does in middle school, trying to be there for everyone, be an ear to talk/vent to and generally trying to help others.

ALSO GUESS WHOS A SCORPIO (honami)

meanwhile while giovanni and campanella are friends, campanella doesnt really do anything while hes teased by his classmates, just looking back with sympathy. something about how honami sort of… ‘chose’ (ok, was sort of ‘bullied/threatened’ into choosing) her classmates over ichika.

also i like the scene at the very end of the book, where giovanni stands on the riverbank after hearing the news of campanella’s disappearance/death. he looks to the distance while everyone wonders where campanella went, thinking “i know where he went. he went to the edge of the universe. i know, because we went there together.”

im just thinking that while (giovanni/ichika) thinks that, the galaxy can be seen, yes, but also the moon (its like… ~7pm? around the end of summer so its plausible the moon could be low enough to just be seen over the river), with like, honami (in that sorta transparent where theyre not actually there thing), back turned. yknow, since ‘mochizuki’ has the character for moon.

ALSO THE HORRIBLE SAD IRONY OF CAMPANELLA DROWNING, AND HONAMI’S SPECIALTY BEING SWIMMING…

the whole ‘praying like scorpio to serve others in the next life’ thing is. uoorhg. i feel like something can be said about how honami was always helping others, but no one really knew how it was… like? to be like honami, with her selfishness and fear of being bullied, cast out, left behind… etc…

the wikipedia pointed out that a sort of ‘focus’ in the story was about “giving your life in service for others” and uoroogh. are you getting me… (it can work both ways i think, honami and ichika).

also campanella mentioned liking apples once (1 time) and of course like the loser i am i locked in like HONAMI! hes also knowledgable about flowers which is also partially why i initially saw him as ichika

also with giovanni, how hes left alone in the end.

(which while it fits ichika, now im thinking of a scenario where its saki as giovanni… i dont think itll work out as well as ichika though)

i might add more to these ramblings… these are just my initial word dumps.

[matthewmurdockswife]

My Story <3

Tw: suicide,Sh,self-hate

Hey yall so I never really talk about my personal life on here but i feel like I owe everyone an explanation.

Within the past two years I have recovered from SH, and an attempted suicide, it was half ass but it was still an attempt. I was playing fast and loose with my life because I thought there was nothing left of it. I hated myself and how I looked, How I always felt so depressed the way my relationships with friends and family always seemed to fall apart but most of all I hated myself.

Im not sure exactly when it happened but about one year ago I met someone. She had similar interests as me and understood me on a personal level and even though we had lived completely different experiences she was there for me. We started talking more and more and I found out she lived Hours away from me in a completely different country, but I accepted our distance and created our connection. She helped me see that my life was very much so worth living. This girl was harley @dwntwn-strnlo

About four months later the only friends I was talking with in person blew up on me with fake excuses about why we shouldnt be friends, one had stolen some of my clothes as well as some of my money. It hurt more not because they left me but because I trusted them and they betrayed me, They left me out to dry and I reconnected with an old friend from middle school, M.

M helped me to realize that my emotional connection to people isnt a downfall but my strong suit. My intense passion love and energy I give to the world only makes me more beautiful not more weak.

Then M introduced me to S. And S is the most kind and gentle and loving people ive ever met. She reflected me in every sense of my love for others. S helped me to realize that just because someone else doesnt agree doesnt mean I cant formulate and stand up for my own opinions.

The three of us became very close and talked nearly everyday. Im not sure exactly when or why, but one day I decided to pull out my phone and film one of our lunches. Me,M and S all really hit it off we loved being in front of the camera and it almost just felt like the camera wasnt even there.

So we kept filming and that night I went home to edit our very first video and I posted it on an old youtube channel. I touched it up and added pretty colours and tried to make it more asethetic and I stayed up all night working on that first video.

And it got 13 views. And a hate comment. And then youtube took it down. But we didnt care. We kept hussling and we never stopped filming and i havent lost passion in the past half year weve been filming, I even branched off to start my own youtube channel because I love it so much.

I know I dont share much with you all and you dont even know my name, but I felt that where I was today was something i needed to share. My group doesnt have very many subscribers and im okay with that as long as it means I get to keep doing something I love.

so unfortunately I have been putting a lot less time and a LOT less effort into my writing. Im in my senior year of highschool and its all or nothing. I really want to do youtube as a career but i understand the sucsess rate is low, I have a backup plan but ill never be as happy as I am when im in front of the camera filming one of our youtube videos.

So I wanted to apologize to those of you who have been waiting for me to post but its very unlikely that i will be posting many or frequent fics anymore im not saying Im stopping im just slowing down. Its been a rough couple of years but ive finally found something I can pour my heart into. I hope yall understand I love yall so much seriously youve given me so much support<3

Love,

matthewmurdockswife <3

Please never hesitate to talk to me about anything through my inbox or my dms <3

@dwntwn-strnlo @fenoy7 @sturnioloshacker @lvrsparadise @querenciasturniolo

[x1e3ju]

sigh.

i realize i dont rant here enough like as much as i should. i should be drawing and not spending time being a fucking idiot ranting on TUMBLR at 2 am but shuake is just too serious for me

CUZ yall don’t understand my level of. crazy. my level of insane my level of obsession its been like 7 months of just straight up fixation and i always find the same things to feel the new feeling of love again for them. saw someone talking about their short film like a little summary on what its abt and the inspiration, a little love letter to their lover of sorts saying how the film is abt genuinely loving someone who is good to you for the first time, “This was the first time I would say "I love you" to someone, and it not come from a place of fear or a toxic one. This film is a celebration of vulnerability, and letting pure, secure love in without the constant impulse to self sabotage” I’ll quote and bc i cant think of love without immediately thinking of shuake (its a genuine problem lmao😭), i HAD to just think about them and yk what. idegaf their love is so beautiful to me. i think the idea of akechi having bpd and the same mental issues and disorders as me finding love in someone who is also very similar to him in some sense, like them both being autistic and such, just really speaks a lot to me.

im definitely not an opposites attract person, although they technically WOULD be opposites i think the whole troupe of “enemies” to lovers is the fact that they arent really enemies and actually have a lot more in common than first thought, at least when done well anyway so to me, they aren’t opposites when it comes to like. the things that matter like personality and the things that make people connect and become closer like the things u cant control ig lol but anywho, bc i hc (its basically canon) akechi having bpd i think thats why it means SO MUCH more to me and i love his character sm. he’s not my favorite, but bc that’s the first time i see a character like that be represented with something so similar to me and not be treated like a villain or just be really extreme like akechi is definitely. well. extreme but he’s not like, let’s say, like yuri level from ddlc like i wouldnt even consider that bpd she just straight up crazy😭 like idk, i just really relate to akechi so i really see him having bpd and bc ive always felt soo left out bc of my bpd even in spaces you would THINK would be safer, i always feel singled out somehow and although i still dont really know why, ig i see myself in akechi a lot and even akira too so the idea that parts of me could find that love and care like the fact that parts of me could find other parts of me, ig im not broken lmao like its all a little puzzle :)

okkk lore drop🔥🔥 got so hashtag emo there BUT that meant something i promise!!! that whole idea of feeling like ur missing something or theres just something wrong with u or ur unloveable or whatever, the idea that akechi felt that and FOUND it in akira makes my heart melt like a fucking fangirl i hate everything. i always think abt shuake and their love bc people always say how they are so toxic blah blah blah, and yk what, lemme not lie, that’s probably the truth! but i cant see them being soo toxic like that especially with how young they are like akechi was like. a few months of just turning 18, akira was 17 like they arent full grown adults even tho akechi was definitely aware enough to know what he was doing was wrong (even at 15 or however old he was when first helping shido i would say), you wouldnt understand the FULL severity of it like its a lot to explain but HOPEFULLY i make sense lol😭😭 and i think just being so young and growing through so much like im already. off. and i dont even live a life CLOSE to that EVER like of course he’s gonna be a little. off his rockets🤩 i mean what did yall expect😭 i keep using this phrase but yea!! so the idea of him meeting akira and finally being able to feel that youth and enjoy parts of life that typically teenagers get to live is si sweet to me.

mind u, im not saying that him living that “teenage life” is the way it HAS to be lived bc i think my life is better without those things as a teen myself and its most definitely not necessary but to me, akechi is just like. a very much stan twitter gay guy😭 he has his little bit of nerd (WHICH I LOVE^_^) but like anyone, of course he would want and need that friendship, that connection. do i believe he wouldn’t really care abt friends and shit? yea bc look, i dont really care for that myself but i wont lie to you and tell u i would love just ONE good connection in my life like yk, a friend i actually want but im not gonna be all friendless here so back to akechi!😊 he’s just very normal high schooler to me, ONE THING I LOVE ABT HIM AND SUMI ACTUALLY. i feel like with sumi, because ae doesn’t know like anything abt akechi’s past and what’s he’s done and stuff i feel like akechi just gets to live a “regular high schooler life” with sumi, yk? like everytime akechi and sumi would hang out (i like to believe they would hang out pre royal idgaf🥱) and akechi would complain or talk akira, sumi would just think “ah he’s on his crush thing again” like ae has NO CLUE he’s gonna shoot him in the head and yk what. that connection definitely means something bc that would be the first person akechi has ever met his age who ISNT involved in his “work life”?? like isn’t involved in his cases and shit like. a genuine healthy friendship🤯🤯🤯 and thats ANOTHWR reason i love sumigoro (make fun of me all u want but i seriously do not. gaf😜😝) bc i think akechi would really go and mess that up, he’d be like “wait. do i actually like sumi” all bc of the fact that they have a good connection and akechi isnt used to that

WHICH brings me to what i was GOING TO bring up (sorry for the crazy detour) but YEA, the whole idea of having a love and always feeling the need to self sabotage reminds me smm of shuake. akechi going and ruining their connection even though there was definitely ways he could’ve gone abt killing shido…. with the phantom thieves’ health possibly👀👀???? i feel like that was the prime explain of self sabotage, guilt and the fact that he wasnt even actually processing what he did and HAS done. like that one scene after 11/20 where he’s in the studio filming and their asking him abt the pts and he gets slient and thinks abt some shit like abt the pts and sorta feels guilty (idk if thats the undesirable child scene i think it is but im not sure lol) but yeah that, that is the PRIME explain of processing and guilt. after killing people and doing all that shit for so long i think that was the first time it actually hit him like “oh shit wait. i’ll never see these people again” like the idea that it hit so close to home, these were kids HIS age, even younger too and.. what EYE like to believe, people he thought probably deserved more life than even himself (like the after thought of it) bc u cannot convince me he really sent his ass over to shido’s palace just to tell joker some shit like girl. and getting himself killed too like naww that’s embarrassing as shit😭😭 like ik thats talked abt and thats what the whole scene is abt but like. EXACTLY he felt guilt for his actions and felt he needed to atone!! HE HADNT REALLT PROCESSED ANYTHING IF HE WAS FEELING THAT NOWW ofc he was going to get innocent people killed like. YEA😭😭 but he’s a fucking kid like what did u expect him to do, even if i had that power even with the current knowledge i have☝️🤓 i wouldnt even realize wtf im doing like yk ur doing something bad, but as a smart kid too.. its all abt competition lol, but in all seriousness tho and they show that in the game

ok sorry got off track again but yea, self sabotaging his love with akira all for the competition of it all, clearly i will never just flow into it naturally so ill state it plainly, self sabotaging his love and overall genuine connection with akira bc thats all he was ever thought to do, from his own mother and obviously, his own father. had to sabotage the love he had for his mother bc well. she ended up kwording herself😭😭 and had to sabotage the love for his father (which didnt exist to me idc) bc he had to kill him, i mean. he was awful😭😭 so having that constant battle between that, thats one thing i LOVE like ADORE ABOUT SHUAKE i love the idea that they could be vulnerable with each other i also love akira and his personality cuz he compliments akechi so well in SO MANY WAYS whoever wrote and made their characters and storylines personally ate with their yaoi deliverance😍😍 LMAO that was a joke but honestly. gave us such a good ship TY🙏 atlus at least for SOMETHING ur good at like like the thing i quoted said, THE WAY THAT IF ATLUS WOULDVE GAVE US AN I LOVE YOU BETWEEN THEM. aside from the fact i would’ve killed myself and died and then fell off a cliff and then kill myself again and killed myself a 3rd time just to make sure i also would’ve cried SO BAD, ik thats asking for WAYY TOO MUCHH but let a girl dream smh like IT WOULDVE MESNT SO MUCH AND HAD SM WEIGHT, it truly would’ve been akechi’s first ily that would’ve came from a genuine good place or would’ve been the first ily he ever heard that didnt try to manipulate or gain smth out of him!! which is. BEAUTIFUL ALL WAYS U LOOK AT IT like they definitely had their ups and downs (shuake i mesn) but the fact akira still wouldve loved him and seen him through everything is just so. something abt the unstable and the unstable but a little more stable dynamic😍😍 but seriously tho lol, i love their connection. again, it just speaks a lot to me SO PERSONALLY i hate everything

one thing i love abt royal is how we got to see akechi’s character a bit, i do like the royal writing a lot for this reason, some parts felt like aww yk lol and kinda reminiscent to the beginning of the game which felt a lot more genuine even tho royal’s writing felt more fanservicey, it had SOME sense of like, ok the characters arent written toooo bad here like the middle of persona so i appreciated it and u can tell atlus put a lot more work on the royal trio scenes (the fanservice was crazy in that part😭) so i also loved that too lol bc again, we got to see akechi’s character and the effect joker had on him and how like. less of an asshole he was like i wish we could’ve seen just a BIT more of him. again again i just LOVE dynamics like shuake and seeing characters grow and shit and shuake just does it so well UGH i hate them😭😭

[thegeminisage]

THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY breakdown

as always i am transcribing the little notes i took on my phone during the experience

the three things i knew about this film before i started were 1. valeris secret villain? some kind of mind-meld forced on spock? 2. worf's grandpa 3. kirk and bones sentenced to hard labor on planet hoth. other than that i went in blind

im glad they opened with CAPTAIN!!! sulu. i feel like he couldnt be there during filming but im so relieved he got parts anyway <3

also quite shocked to see janice rand?! god bless. she was like, i've undergone so much unbelievable bullshit. lemme get that star trek money. and then she did <3

the ship shaking in this movie was VERY realistic. the m,ost realistic yet. idk why they would have glass tecups in this situation though...maybe they just like to watch them break dramatically

uhura is still so beautiful in this movie. i don't know how she gets more beautiful in every star trek thing she appears in but she did it 6 times in a row. queen

first cry of the evening was when spock showed up but it was a SHORT cry because i had just cried about him in tng two days ago.

loved his little domestic spat with kirk at the beginning. the giant space between them. doing it in public. the absolute death glares. who's in the woodshed NOW (sorry for saying woodshed)

kirk being racist was an unexpected detail but i get it. you gotta have somebody being racist to nail home this story's message or whatever. i just figured it'd be bones. then again the klingons didn't kill his kid

that one bald klingon who kept eyefucking everybody he looked at. king. i know the phrase eyefucking is out of date because we overused it but there is simply no other way to describe it. he was there to leer at men suggestively and recite a batshit amount of shakespeare. and he did a great job

i had so much fun playing spot the tng set. they kept those rooms SO dark so we wouldn't recognize them but i did anyway.

the anti-gravity scene was SO so so so cool and good. like, the 90s cgi purple pepto bismol blood took me out of it a little but we have been saying every time something fucked up their little ship "how is the gravity still on rn." and the answer, always, is "it's on bc no-grav scenes cost money." FINALLY we got a no gravity scene. such a profound sense of both awe and closure

the violence was shockingly gorey too. like we had severed arms and real blood flying everywhere. idk that any of the trek i've watched so far has been quite that explicit

the scene where bones tries to save the klingon high chancellor. 10/10. bones the healer begging to be allowed to save lives. him jumping straight up onto that table and straddlign that man. him digging his hands into all that klingon blood. what a fine moment. it was a little homoerotic of that guy to grab kirk in the spiderman kiss pose as he was dying too

sarek cameo <3 it felt weird to see him alive right after he died

i did wonder why they didn't just have saavik in this film instead of valeris...i guess that saavik fans would have been mad if the send-off for the character was to make her a backstabber. but it would have felt more believable that spock be blind to her passions because she was also his protege. it also would've made the mind meld (WHICH. WOW. GETTING TO THAT) all the more tragic. valeris does a great spock eyebrow but she's not as compelling as saavik and she doesn't have the backstory so even if i hadn't had the spoilers i would have suspected her

things i didnt like: that one colonel guy saying terrorism and mr scott saying bitch. watch your mouth, gentleman.

the trial was fine (i still have trial fatigue) but i find it hard to believe klingons dont have tear ducts. what if they get something in their eyes? i loved seeing worf. i loved bones's little arthritis joke. frail little old waif of a man <3

kirk getting his ass handed to him over his personal logs is why you don't make personal logs. even funnier: their thing where they were like yeah but he has a record of [lists 1000000 crimes kirk has committed]. that was funny because it was true.

i love when they put dogs in costumes

bones collapsing in that blizzard was my ONE AND ONLY HOPE for this movie. i needed him to do it so bad so i could round out my collection and he did not let me down. true consistency. authenticity. king behavior. me when i go north fr

unexpected: both the cigar and the hot alien lady. i don't know what either of them were even doing there. she literally macked on kirk right in front of bones's salad. idk if we can count this as a close encounter though considering how short it was

i loved kirk's little fight where he nutshotted the alien. and their little prison outfits. and them snuggling up on bed together to stay warm <3 also bones being like and one day PFFFT kobayashi maru, that's it! quintessential bones behavior.

AMANDA GRAYSON RELATED TO SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE??? cmon.

mixed feelings about the shapeshifter. double kirks was great (once again: william shatner plays a woman) and hilarious especially when they smooshed poor bones. double especially when she was like yeah well i bet you always wanted to kiss yourself anyway. that little girl giving kirk a saucy wink was maybe less fun. it would have been a close encounter if they'd fucked i guess

spirk talking in the hall and their faces were soooo close together

spock's forced mind meld: i thought this was something done TO him, not something HE DID. imagine my shock. there's a little mirror spock in him after all. it was absolutely fucking ruthless. i have a little pet theory that everyone in the mirrorverse is really the same - it's only their circumstances that turned them into monsters. it's not always viable and it's not always as fun as them just being evil and edgy, but this does lend it evidence <3

spock "i've been dead before" absolute king.

the conference at khitomer!!!! the foreshadowing.........

spirk's conversation in spock's quarters in the dark...mwah. "the night is young" "i find that remark insulting" "i need you" i wish they had talked about valeris but this was still really good. bones should have been there.

TORPEDO SURGERY! IT'S AN AOS REFERENCE! aos bones is a damsel because he couldn't operate on the torpedo.

loved kirk's GET DOWN MRS OBAMA moment and he got to have one twice in a row and then pull the mask off that guy like he was a scooby doo villain. incredible.

you've restored my father's faith / you've restored my son's...wah. i didn't really care about david but i'm glad he got closure about it or whatever.

then the klingon slow clapping. incredible.

spock cussing and saying go to hell <3

"soon the enterprise will have a new crew" yeah a worse one. i did like the switch from no man to no one though during that final monologue. just subtle enough <3

I DID CRY AGAIN AT THE END.....................it was a very sweet ending. second star to the right and straight on til morning. i'm glad sulu got to say goodbye even on webcam he was such a g this film. i'm gonna miss them SO MUCH.

i now know spock's ENTIRE LIFE STORY except whatever happens in snw that i dont care about <3 if i wasnt busy it would have huge fanfic potential. give me time i guess.

[martian-martian-martian]

the fact that theres a lot of films about how ‘hyperfeminine beautiful women have substance too!’ which is great. slay. whatever. misogyny affects everyone, dont tear down other women, yada yada. all that is great. TRULY.

but also.

theres seems to be this huge mass delusion that movies like Legally Blonde, and now Barbie, are countering some massive hoarde of movies about how femininity is evil and being beautiful is a crime or something.

and for sure the hot pink megabitch bimbo is a trope, but like. the “not like other girls” girl is ALWAYS hot too in all those movies.

meanwhiles theres like. zero films starring actually fat women who stay fat, or actually ugly women who stay ugly.

and that makes sense i mean. how would they sell any products like that.

“hyperfemininity is okay” messages are important mostly in spaces where women are tearing other women down.

the extremely rare “non-feminity of any kind is okay” would threaten the actual patriarchy as a whole, and several economic industries in the process, which is why they dont make movies like that and if they do, they dont gain a lot of support or traction.

its not to say that these pink camo badass movies are wrong, or that their message isn’t necessary.

it just always strikes me as funny when i remember that while there are plenty of movies that show it’s okay to be feminine, NO major hollywood movie i can think of has ever truly said as its main message that its okay to SPURN beauty expectations and traditional femininity entirely. Key word there.

Because. Sure, there’s Lady Cop movies or Lady Coach or Lady Horseback Rider or Lady Pirate or Lady Baseball Player or even Lady Construction Worker even, women doing masculine things. But the women doing them are still all beautiful, all thin (usually), all hairless and feminine in every other aspect except for the plot point area. In fact, its usually explicitly stated that her doing these things doesnt make her less feminine!! Which begs the question… why is that so important? Why are we always reassured that her femininity is preserved?

You can be feminine and xyz.

You can be a girl and xyz.

Why is the first label so sacrosanct?

Idk, I’m feeling inspired. @ verilybitchie on YT released another amazing video essay and she talked about it and other amazing stuff that spoke exactly to how I felt stepping out of the theater. Check her stuff out.

Also as a plus for nuance, she’s a transwoman so if that isnt enough to scare terfs off this post I don’t know what will, but scamper.

[almalvo]

STAR TREK: DISCOVERY | S1E7 "Magic to Make the Sanest Man Go Mad"

[I will react to each episode individually and in full, raw reception and then post as is unrevised here onto my tumblr for the full span of every and all NuTrek episodes and series that have been and will be released. If this falls under your field of interest - I welcome your company in joining me. Enjoy the ride.] -------

man the intro just continues to remind me fucking ingenius the Star Trek introduction was period. Love it. forever. and always. wonder when we will see these scenes play out when we will see that big plant tentacle monster from the intro or when we will see the two hands touch etc

things are flowing so fast rn in burnham's evaluative speech at the start of this episode. even though not much has happened. and no offence but, i do not think shes earned this kind of audience? because theres like. still hardly much to like nor connect with these characters? imo. idk. idk if its just me, maybe it is. but i definitely dont really have much investment in any characters yet. actually, the one character i resonated MOST with was mega-sized space waterbear, no cap. (oh mossie i miss you i hope we can see you again) trek party lol. ok ill say this one thing DISCO has a lot of filming inconsistencies between shots. like, lets say burnham's hands will be up holding her face. but then next shot, her hands are down at her seat. then switch back and her hands are back up. that sort of thing. happens a lot all the time. stamets. happy drunk. lovey dovey. cute. ash and burnham? idk. every time lorca says saru, i just catch myself thinkning "sulu" cute mega-organisms gormagander wow. space whale sounds. amazing. is it prego. … who ANDORIAN?/ IS THAT AN ANDORIAN OML ITS HELMET SO CUTE oh nevermind its scarier. MUDD. but yes that is an andorian helmet wow so cute give me one. stella.

MUDD is so vengeful. what interesting implications for TOS. DUDE WTF the end of DISCO. man a time plot huh ok lets see how this goes a remix of stayin' alive runners said left. let me guess. burnham will later predict them coming from behind her. and then be like "huh. why did i already know this" there is something off about the delivery of these lines from so many of the actors lorca's actor feels pretty grounded same as saru which is good. something feels so weird with the line delivery. idk if it sthe actors or if its the way the filming is that just makes it feel less effective acting?? idk i think its cuz theres a lot of organic quality missing in a lot of the actors getting a decent amount of screentime? i dont want to sound rude ofc i just feel something is off yeah. man. a time jumping Mudd. now THAT'S terrifying. Poor stewart. he didnt deserve to get thrown. "went his own way"? u sure you didnt kill him. Mudd's actor is also pretty grounded. the lines roll off well and not awkwardly. Nice Stamets. this is too fast. Muidd gets shot in the back and then Stamets has a comedic line delivery that seriously needed a pause or soemthing, but we switch imediately to ending the scene and returning after what felt like a commercial break or seomthing.

yeah the pacing of the show is just RUSHING so much like WHY. it just eats up so much of any weight this show couldve had in even its smallest things. i know i sound so critical but its built up a lot and its already the 7th episode into the 1st season. Stamets actor feels pretty good too but i think its just awkward screenplay and awkward lines and weirdo af pacing/film style that ruin things. they need to let this show BREATHE more. it s such a shame they didnt. maybe not the best director. also too many zooms. the show feels so experimental, but i dont know if necessarily in a good way. i sound so pickky but bro im saying what im seeing,. ok sorry this just now, stamets talking to burnham when he says hes the one "missing from mudd's timeloop" is actually pretty bad. bad editing super inconsistent between shots and why are there like a billion camera cuts? we dont need THIS many angles to talk about one single conversational exchange no offence. this scene was pretty bad. weird screenplay, weird delivery, bad editing stamets even sounded like there was a shot with his mic off i could hear the environmental reverb why is this happening. with such a beautiful visual and constume budget such as this. also yes. that is A GORN IN LORCA'S OFFICE. oh my god that means maybe the gorn from SNW DO look humanoid fully matured. ugh cant wait to see what that means. mudd is so merciless. man lorca died like a bug so many times. wtf. why is stamets out of focus- WHAT. WHAT IS THAT. THE FUCK WAS THAT im sorry no this wasnt funny cuz it was supposed to be funny in that way im sorry but just now

when stamets tells burnham that "shes never been in love" at the party in the time loop, she says in the WEIRDEST most… sry ngl, badly acted type way, replying "why would you say that to me" that i had to actually PAUSE the episode and rewatch that again to confirm what i saw. just finished the rewatch of this one scene. wtf was that. sorry that was so poor. its soooo awkwarddddd. and flatttt. what is this ADR though. stamet's ADR in this episode is some of the worse. also sorry that lens reflection of that one green party light that hit right onto burnham's face during this exchange, its almost as if i HEARD the cameraman's thoughts going "ah shit this stupid light" as the camera moved downward to get as much of that green spot out of the direct line of her face. okay, Mr. God-Named-Stamets. is that an apron that isnt a one sided dress. dance in the hallway. ok. this wa so fast. this tone feels very not in sync with the course of this plot? where did this dance thing come from. i think im feeling such a dissonance rn when stamets is on screen because he feels like hes NOT stamets. idk its like, i get that charcters/people are hopefully more than 1-dimensional, and that we get to learn about them more as time passes, but like this kind of feels like stamets just wasnt properly developed and we the audience just didnt get enough proper exposure to him to recognise who really is his person? if that makes ANY sense to anyone. ok no offence, this episode probably is the most trash in terms of script. harry mudd, time loop, saving the ship from destruction, but then also stamets is an omniscient constant, while also flat cardboard af awkward love revelations between ash and burnham?? idk. maybe in a different writers' room, this coiuld be made compellingly and cohesively. but right now. this episode is NOT. IT. im sorry so why does it feel like its deterioriating a bit. the show had me in the beginning cuz how freaking DIFFERENT and UPGRADED it looked (gorgeous btw) compared to ALL the series that came before it in Prime-Timeline. but no matter how i fought it, my emersions been finally broken by the consistently questionable factors that keep loudly making themselves known in this show. too frequently bad deliveries from actors weird af editing bad cinematography even my great efforts to ignore it all and benefit of the doubt, it was too much. which is, based on everything ive ever watched ever, a BAD thing. also, oml lorca is so small in this episode - which actually i like. he feels so insignificant in this episode haha, small fry dying every single time. also i hope i see more creative deaths in this show, cuz everytime someone dies is them dissipating in dusty colour. come onnn, we can do better than thattt.

also just fyi, understand that i am NOT advocating for a super "serious/dire" star trek, weve had a bit of that in random episodes thoruhgout the franchise and moveis too - so no, i also absolutely love silly mad crazy trek plots too, but like. DISCO i think is probably handling this in a way that is the worst ever in Star Trek so far, even among its whacky insane moments. I am keeping to the series and going to stick it through all the way to the end of course. but yeah, i was never here to just be some blind non-insightful talking head that just admired this show unconditionally. if you thought so, then you should try again. i will say whats good, but likewise whats bad. and right now, the good things are things that i have already said, but the bad is really kicking up a storm right now. captain mudd. amazing. its so off-balance, this show. some deliveries are great, pacing is great. but then its like so sporadic and everywhere too often etc yes. delivery is REALLY weird and super weak in too many scenes. idk. maybe construction of the show itself is just weak in too many areas. so so strange. with a show that LOOKS genuinely this good. im just so perplexed. the shows construction feels so amateurish i guess? in not a very good way. "nobody beats Mudd, huh." a businessman is correct, lorca. these camera zoomes are really distasteful. like lorca over here making some consistently really solid deliveries, and the stupid camera cuts and zooms and unnecessary movements just cheapen it all. it makes me so angry. this show needed a better writers' room and better directing. and terrible ADR. its liek they use different mics every 2 lines. i can HEAR the discrepancies, even without my audiophile headphones.

im so mad and sad by this. because the threads of the issues i was sensing since episode 1 are now kind of unforgiveable. i can no longer look over them. so im here really speaking about them in this reaction this time. no offence it kind of feels like nothing much happened this whole episode. and im literally 3 minutes away from finishing this episode. im sorry im not impressed with this ending in how mudd was caught. i feel like this show didnt know how to quite handle the crazy nature of Trek. Bad editing yeah. i keep consistently seeing how for example Mudd is talking, and the camera cuts to a different angle shot of the same line delivery that has to get repeated and edited in, but i can physically see Mudd's jaw still moving in speech despite his dialogue halting from the ADR of the other camera shot. THIS ^ stuff KEEPS happening. and it shouldnt. its super BASIC stuff relatively speaking. and there wasnt this much of an obvious degree of this problematic editing in even older series of trek. so strange. 'i hate how it lifted me out of immersion of this show, this list of issues. you know, id LOVE to see ANY scene of conversation withOUT the stupid slow-creep zoom. listen, i KNOW that this is very often used everywhere in media, but it doesnt mean "always'. in this case DISCO does it poorly. ok episode over. i am not convinced over ANYTHING that just happened. its a 44 minute long episode, but it felt brief as fuck. it didnt feel like it had much substance at all - and im NOT talking some kind of "moral message" shit - things do NOT have to have a real message to be good. and this episode was actually not. it felt so criminally underwhelming. like ok, stamets had augmentation that let him resist the time loop.... and? so what. so what about that. nothing significant happened except apparently blossoming love story between Ash and Burnham, which- Ash x Burnham?

bullshit.

bro that was terrible. and they got zero chemistry no sorry no. get outta here.

burnham had more chemistry with the fucking captain than ash. (i dont support either one dw.) ok. well. ima continue the trip ofc. but mmmmm stupid peripheral things are really not doing this show justice. i fear that DISCO is a show that couldve been great but just wasnt even good. bad writing, bad directing, bad editing, bad delivery - i am far from being sold than I was in episode 1. i gave the excuse of the first episode feeling so brisk because it was an exposition….. but the show quickly tired out my benefit-of-the-doubt with how i see that ep 1 wasnt so much a mere exposition, but that its kind of ACTUALLY what this show IS. i cant lie. im p nervous for this show. SNW was fucking good, so i just hope that this show improves to SNW's level where all these questionable issues resolve at some point, more or less.

guess i'll see.

[ginnsbaker]

wow. part 6 literally made me speechless the first time I read it. I literally had to take breather cause that was too much for me to deal with 😭 I'm sorry this might be too long cause I have so much to say....

• Wanda pointing out that having children would've made her rethink her decisions, I felt that, deeply. Personally, I am someone who's not sure whether I want children or not in the future so for her to say "Maybe it would have stopped me"??? GIRL F*CK YOU 😭🤮. My mind would definitely make me think of that over and over again until I start blaming myself for what happened.

• You know what hurts the most? The fact that there's no one else to blame except Wanda and Vision. In other cheating fics, the mind stone always serves a purpose why Wanda decided to cheat. It's always "there's a connection between us because of the stone". Here? nothing. Just Wanda actually making a huge mistake.

• I was feeling bad for Wanda for a bit, then I realized that she deserved all that. I read your reply to another anon about the reasons of suspicion (newly bought lingerie icks me the most cause it meant she actually made effort to look good for vision 💔). I honestly can't think of any reason (for now) why Y/N should forgive her.

• Both Y/N and Wanda badly need some time apart. Healing takes time and it won't happen anytime soon. Wanda just can't force her way to Y/N's life again cause that surely won't work.

• I don't wanna talk about the smut since I genuinely don't know what to feel about it other than Wanda doesn't deserve a single ounce of affection from us 😏 lol

It took some time for me to actually have some thoughts about part 6. My mind was like "I need at least 2-3 business days to recover from this" 😆. Once again, thank you for being so talented and blessing us with this beautiful fic. I'm a huge angst enthusiast so pls keep it coming. Hope you're feeling much better now btw. All my love 💕

- 🦄

~ I did kinda thought if I should've broken it down in two, but I just couldn't find where to cut it right. anyway, after 6, we're gonna go back to the usual length :D nah, you dont have to worry about sending me paragraphs, i was looking forward to what you 🦄 had to say

~ it's one of her worst word vomits throughout these series, i admit

~ The arbitrary nature of cheating is very much real. especially when you've been so used to the comfort and security someone provides, and you don't think it's possible to lose them when you do something stupid.

~ re: lingerie: when i wrote in flames, i wrote it as an AU from a film called unfaithful, starring richard gere and diane lane. im not sure if any of you guys saw that film, but it stayed in my parents cd shelf and was off limits. i only watched it recently as an adult lol. most of the details in in Flames were faithful to this material, i recommend you see it. the lingerie isn't because of Vision. it's about her embracing her own lust, because she got addicted to the feeling of being wanted

~ correct. they need it. something's gonna happen that's gonna force that.

~ the smut was uncomfortable to write, because im a romantic who always associate it with love and emotions and all that cheesy stuff. id pay someone to write it for me if i could. but it was necessary to the story because it showed the actual depth of R's trauma, manifesting just now.

I am feeling much better :) I saw your message like 2 hours ago, but i needed to complete a 10km run :D

Thank you so much, my dear 🦄. Please take care!

[fablecore]

(7/7) i hope this wasnt Too Trauma-Dumpy or anything. i tried to stay away from specifics or anything potentially triggerable. i just didnt know how to illustrate your impact accurately without at least acknowledging some darker things, albeit vaguely. the words "you mean a lot to me" felt inadequate but they are true. and i hope its clear as to why now but yeah. wild that oc-making and publishing your art and fanfic-- even just in theory, i havent ever touched on what youve MADE in specifics or in analysis-- altered my life, or at least altered how i felt i was allowed to interact with my life, so much. obviously what impacted me was more than JUST cringe culture, but its way funnier in its simplicity to say: cringe culture going off on ocs and Mary Sues really fucked me up more than i thought Imao rip

but yeah. just. thanks. for everything ♡

if dont beat that 2%, i really do hope you find what make, after college is all done, when i finally have the time/energy to spare. or that someone sends it your way, if it isnt me myself. i hope youll continue to be active when i make it. but, if you arent for whatever reason, ill still make it. and itll always be a goal ill have made and accomplished thanks to you and your creativity. i love you, very much. and thank you again ♡

(/end of original message. thank you for your time, i know this was long, i hope you received something joyful despite that aspect. or recieved something heartfelt, to turn the moniker around again. but yeah. thank you again, for everything ♡♡♡ i love you and your creations very much. you mean a lot to me. more than any words in the english language can adequately convey ♡)

i'm saving the rest of your story in my inbox. it's so precious i'd rather not publish it. it will remain just between the two of us ♡

thank you so much for taking the time to write this even after tumblr ate the first attempt. you mentioned sincerity a few times, and there's something i've noticed about writing/creating with sincerity in mind. and by that i mean the interview with maria howe where she goes "i ask my students every week to write 10 observations of the actual world. It’s very hard for them. Just tell me what you saw this morning like in two lines. I saw a water glass on a brown tablecloth, and the light came through it in three places. No metaphor. And to resist metaphor is very difficult because you have to actually endure the thing itself, which hurts us for some reason."

when someone tells a story filled with facts/truths/observations that aren't dressed up in a thousand layers of irony and shame, people respond to it. there's a universe-sized chasm between a soul eviscerating head imploding sledgehammer to the heart film like everything everywhere all at once and the next marvel whatever. that chasm is probably named sincerity. or love. or joy. or connection. whatever it's called, you can feel it in the place where our souls are supposed to reside. it's tangible. it shifts. it's real.

anyway.. i'm rambling now... i was very moved by your message and your love and i hope you will continue to allow yourself more and more and more until you get everything you want. wishing you the best in your future endeavors 🤍💘 and when the time comes, i hope you do give me a nudge if i'm still around! (which, look. i probably will be. i've already been here too damn long.)

[cloverwood]

☾ ﾟ｡⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ﾟName Hoard ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡☁︎｡｡ﾟ

just a little living post for me to keep all the names I've started collecting. It's actually something I started doing long before my awakening just by chance (having usernames/nicknames for different friends or groups and realising that felt rly good) so now that I'm doing it more consciously I just want somewhere I can keep track of them. Kinda wanted somewhere a bit more private and I might end up moving to my diary discord but I also think its nice and wanna be able to share it so. For now I'll make it a post :3

I've realised that the "main" name I've been going by, since I was like 13 always felt kinda? odd? like it was my NAME but not in a 'this is me way' and more of a 'this is the mouthsounds one makes to get my attention' kinda way. like how one would name a dog. if that makes sense? as a wakened fae entitity, i've realised i may (or may not) have some sort of "true" name, but if i do I don't know of it yet. But every other name I go by or collected so far are what I call "utility names" and I think that's useful to know too <3

Each name sometimes has rules or fun little bits of info hence why I wanted to write it out like this. But if someone knows of a site similar to that pronouns tracker one but for names that would be kewl :3

Nix - meatspace name, ie; "real" chosen name. real in brackets bc it's what I say to ppl when I dont have the energy to discuss my name thing. What my friends and family call me, how I'm credited in my TV/film work, etc. What I'll probably change my legal name to eventually. Folks irl can call me this.

N - shortened form of Nix, what I use when my name isnt important, surveys, emails etc. Considered making this my legal name but figured it would cause more problems than it solves. Interestingly this does feel the closest to what could be my "true" name but i have a feelings it's because said name might not be translatable or comprehensible to human speech. Anyone can call me this.

Rabbit - name/nickname based off my theriotype. I just realised i like being called it. Just nice. Anyone call call me this.

Clover - just a name I recently realised i connect to quite well, surprisingly unaware that it was literally half of this blogs name at the time :'D but it makes a lot of sense. One of my earliest OCs was named clover and she had plant powers hehe. Feels connected both to my rabbit identity and fairy identity and also connects to the next entry. Anyone can call me this.

Leaf, Fern, Rain, Sun, Moon, Lunar, etc - recently discovered any noun referring to things in nature feel right as a name. Perhaps my 'true' name reflects this conceptual aspect of my identity. Using any of these may get confusing so anyone can use these when talking to me directly, but not about me to a 3rd party.

Helio - my artist/online username. shortened version of my full usernames (heliocanix. heliosynchronisity and others). Realised I also like being called this in online spaces but even irl i suppose. Kind of a secondary name. Anyone can call me this.

Angel - my kink pseudonym/persona/nickname, used when I'm at events or during scenes with play partners. Only people in my local scene can call me this.

[any sort of pet name] - certain partners use petnames or nicknames for me, changes depending on human or circumstance. Obvs, only partner's can use these.

NIX - all capitalised, my fine art name/persona. May change may not, I sign off and credit all my work to my name stylized like this. No surname. Only really applicable in these settings.

-

retired for whatever reason

[deadname] - a name that has since achieved it's purpose and is no longer of use to me. No one can call me this.

Neifion - my "utility" fairy name. Mostly just for fun and as a way to talk abt my fairy experiences separately from my human ones. Mostly just found it in order to easily describe "who" im drawing in my fairy self portraits when I'm too shy to say its just me. Only other fae can call me this. just lost connection

[tomholland1996simp]

I’m just tired || Tom holland

Paring: Dad!Tom

Warnings: Tired reader, Angst kinda

Summary: You and Tom have a daughter who is  2 years old. Tom has been away filming and at night you have been getting no sleep, due to your daughter going sleep too late. One day Harry comes over, to see you looking very tired. He offers to help, however you say that your fine. The story carries on from there ;)

(I know it’s kinda like my ‘I’m sorry mummy’ one but people really liked it so here’s another)

Tom and I have a daughter who is now 2 years old turning 3 soon. Her name is Scarlett and she can be a very adorable, nice girl at some times. However she can have her days where she wants to throw tantrums everywhere and scream and cry all the time. It can be very stressful at times because Tom isn't always here. I know he can't help it due to filming, but I miss him a lot. I don't tell him how stressed and tired i've been lately as he's busy filming in America.

Yeah I know I should ask for help from his parents or brothers, however I wanna try be a good mum to Scarlett and try do it on my own. My best friend, Y/B/F/N, even told me that I need a break and I should ask for help, but I simply can't.

Lately Scarlett has been going bed so late around 1-3am. Her bed time routine has been so bad, so i've been up so late recently. Normally she has a good routine but whenever Tom goes she just messes around as I am what they call the 'soft parent'. I try be the mean one but I feel too bad when I try tell her off.

"Scarlett you need to go sleep, your uncle Harry is coming over tomorrow" I lay her back down. The time was currently 2:45am and she just wasn't going sleep.

"No. I want the phone" She huffs.

"You can watch something on my phone tomorrow-we'll today when you wake up" I place her back in her small bed.

"NOOOO" She runs out the room, so I chase after her. "I DONT WANNA GO BED" She screams and cries throwing some of her toys.

"Stop please bubs. Just go sleep" I was absolutely exhausted at this point. I only had 2 hours sleep last night and I know tonight will be the same.

(Btw she's still young so her words won't be clear so that's why they look like they are spelt wrong)

"Daddy would lwt me stay awke" she stood up crossing her arms.

"No he wouldn't"

"Yes daddy would!" she stomps her foot.

I lost it at this point, "WELL YOUR DADDY ISN'T HERE, I AM! SO YOU DO AS YOUR MUM SAYS AND GO TO BED!!" I shouted, then she runs up the stairs crying. Honestly after I said that I felt bad so so bad. This is why I am the soft parent because I never shout at her but she always listen to Tom. It's like she hates me and me only.

Walking up the stairs, I open her room door to see her crying under her covers. Slowly going over to her, I try pull the covers but she holds them tight. "I'm so sorry princess" I whisper.

"Go away pwease" her little voice choked.

"okay. Goodnight" I whisper walking out the room, crying on the way to mine and Toms shared one.

That night I cried all night long, I must've only got like 1 hour sleep. I woke up early in the morning as well , around 7am. The house needed to be cleaned and I had a lot of things to do. Harry was coming over at 1pm.

"Scarlett come down here, your uncle Harry will be here any minute now" I tiredly shout from the living room. Then I heard loud footsteps running down the stairs. Scarlett still hasn't spoken to me since last night but I understand.

About 10 minutes later there was a knock on the door, so I stood up opening it. Harry stood there with a big smile on his face.

"Hi y/n- oh wow are you okay?" His smile fades as he looks at my face.

"Yeah I'm fine" I shut the door behind him, giving him a side hug.

"You sure? You have big bags under your eyes. Are you even sleeping?" He takes his shoes off.

"Yes just had a rough night that's all" I lied sitting back down on the sofa.

"Uncle Harry!" Scarlett yelled jumping into Harry's arms.

"Heyy Scarlett! wow your getting bigger" He holds her on his hip. I can't lie I was trying so bad not to fall asleep. My arm was on the side with my cheek resting in my palm of my hand.

"Y/N you look really tired. I can take scarlett for a bit. Let you get some r-"

I cut him off, "No it's fine. I'm okay. Anyways how's everyone?...."

A couple hours has past, Harry already left. We just talked about random things and he played with Scarlett. He did keep offering to help, however I denied it. I needed to be independent and do this on my own.

Walking into Scarlett room I smile saying, "Bath time"

"I dwnt want a bawth" She says still playing with her toys.

"Come on smelly. You can bring some of your toys with you" I smile picking her up.

"I wanna play stop!" she starts kicking.

"Scarlett, what's up with this behaviour. Your normally a good girl" It was true, normally she's really good but recently she's been so bad. Maybe it was because she misses her dad, I wasn't sure.

She grabs the bathroom door, I shout "Let go!" I lock the bathroom door after so she couldn't get out.

"AHHHHHH" she screams laying on the floor.

After what felt like hours, she finally went into the bath. It must've been around 9p.m when she got out. She even started a fight when getting out the bath because she didn't want to brush her teeth. Scarlett was now laying on my bed crying with her head in the pillow.

That was until my phone rang and the picture with the contact of 'Tom❤️' came up. He normally FaceTimes whenever he can, even though it's hard with the timings.

"oh look daddy's calling" that's when her head shot up, wiping her tears she grabs my phone answering it.

"Hi ba-oh hey princess" he smiles into the phone. I could just about see him, looking cute as ever. It still hurt. I really miss him and I need him :(

"hi daddy" she smiles whilst sniffing. It makes me sad to know that she's so happy when she speaks to her dad and not me. I wouldn't say Im jealous, well I kinda am. But the feeling of your daughter hating you......makes you feeling like shit.

"What's the matter bubs?" he furrowed his eyebrows.

"Nwthing. Just hwr" Scarlett showed the camera quickly to me then back to herself.

Wow she just called me 'her'. I thought wiping a tear that fell, making sure they don't see.

"Scarlett she's your mummy, don't say 'her'-"

"Well shwe been mean. She keeps shouting at mw and she's being not fair!" she whines to him.

"Pass the phone to mummy please bubs" He says and she listens. See what I mean she listens to him but not me.

What am I doing so wrong?

I pick up the phone showing my face with a fake smile. "Hi darling" he smiles.

"Hi Tommy, how's filming?" I ask.

"Good, good. How's everything at home?"

"Everything's great." I lied again and Scarlett just glares at me.

"You sure? Harry called me today saying you looked tired. Which I can see by the bags under your eyes"

"Well Harry was wrong. I'm fine, I just had a rough night"

"Daddy when are you coming home?" Scarlett takes the phone with tears falling down her face.

"very soon scar don't cry though bubs" he says.

"Okay daddy"

"Well be good for mummy yeah?"

"Yeah. Goodnightw daddy" She smiles.

"Goodnight princess" He blows a kiss into the phone, then waiting for the phone to be passed back to me but I pressed to end the call. I know I should've spoken to him, told him that i'm tired and I need help. But Tom would probably try give me a lecture of how I should go to his families house.

Tom then sent a message:

Tom❤️- I thought we were gonna talk. You okay, love? xxx

Y/N - yeah just tired

Tom❤️- Oh okay. We'll get some sleep I love you Goodnight xxx

Y/N- Night love you xx

Little did you know Tom was on his way back. He would probably arrive around 2am-3 but he was coming back to surprise you and Scarlett.  

…………………………………….

Yep, for the fourth night in a row Scarlett doesn't want to go sleep. I've been placing her in her bed, I've tried laying with her, however she just won't go sleep without putting up a fight.

"Do you want me to read a book?" I hold a book in my hands showing her it.

She slaps it out of my hands so it hits my face, "No! I'm not twired" She gets up from her bed.

Grabbing her arm softly, I pull her back down on the bed. "Your staying here until you fall asleep"

"No! No,NOOOO!" she runs down the stairs into the front room. This time I chased after her full of anger as I was tired.

"SCARLETT NO TV BED NOW" Grabbing the controller out of her hands.

"IM NOT TIRED!" She screams and cries.

"I DONT CARE. ITS 3 IN THE F-IN THE MORNING. IM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS BEHAVIOUR. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOOD NICE GIRL! IM TIRED AND ALL IM ASKING IS FOR YOU TO GO SLEEP. YOU LISTEN TO YOUR DAD WHY NOT ME" Tears started falling down my face.

"YOUR THE WORSTW MUMMY EWVER THATS WHY!" she throws one of her toys at the wall.

wow. That hurts.

Before I could say anything else back, the door opened and shut. There stood Tom, with his suitcase and a worried expression. His hair was messy, with a curl falling down his face and after 3months of not seeing him he felt like a ghost. You hadn't seen him in ages.

"hey, hey why's my two favourite girls fighting for at this time" he throws his bag on the floor, then flinging his shoes off.

"D-daddy" Scarlett cried running into her dads arms. Him crouching down and picking her up.

"I'm here bubs. Ahh you got so much bigger since I last saw you. Now why you both shouting" He puts her down, looking at me. I was still crying, tears freely falling down my cheeks.

"I hate mummy!" Scarlett quickly says, causing my heart to break. Tom gave me a sympathetic look before turning to our daughter.

"Scarlett you don't mean that-"

"It's fine. Honestly. I do try Scar. But don't worry your dad is here. So he can put you to bed" I fake smile walking away.

"Darling-" Tom tried to call for me but I had already got into the bedroom slamming the door behind me.

Toms POV

"YOUR THE WORSTW MUMMY EWVER THATS WHY!" I heard Scarlett cry before I entered the house.

As I opened the door, it went silent. There stood my two girls, both crying and angry. Scarlett was sitting on the floor, whilst y/n was standing a bit away from her.

"hey, hey why's my two favourite girls fighting for at this time" I throw my bag on the floor, then fling my shoes off.

"D-daddy" Scarlett cried running into my arms. I then crouch down and pick her up.

"I'm here bubs. Ahh you got so much bigger since I last saw you. Now why you both shouting" I put her down, looking at y/n. Tears were streaming down her face, with bags under her eyes. She looked exhausted but still so beautiful.

"I hate mummy!" Scarlett quickly say, I  gave y/n a sympathetic look before turning to our daughter. I knew y/n must feel heart broke right now and upset.

"Scarlett you don't mean that-" I go to say but get cut off by y/n. "It's fine. Honestly. I do try Scar. But don't worry your dad is here. So he can put you to bed" she fakes smiles walking away.

"Darling-" I tried to call for me but she had already got into the bedroom slamming the door behind her.

"Scarlett you don't say them things. Mummy is probably really upset now. You don't hate mummy do you really?" I kneel down to her holding her tiny hands.

"No. But she was being mean" she cries.

"Mummy is tired. She normally lets you off when you do naughty things, you have to learn sometimes. It's nearly 4am and you should be in bed. You have to listen to mummy when she tells you things okay?" I moved a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Okay" she smiles.

"Come on let's get you to bed" I pick her up.

Y/N POV

Ive been laying in my bed for a few minutes now and as I was about to fall asleep I heard the bedroom door open and close shut. My back was turned towards it but I knew it was Tom.

I heard the draws open, which meant that he was getting changed most likely in joggers. He doesn't wear a shirt to bed anyways so that's all he would else wear. The bed then dipped behind me and the covers were pulled up over us. His arm went around my waist pulling me closer to his body. Then his face was snuggled in the back of my neck.

"Darling" he whispered, kissing the back of my neck.

"mhm" is all I said back.

"she's asleep now" he says, I felt his hot breath on the back of my neck, which gave me shivers down my spine.

"Well done" I sniffle. I know it was kinda rude but when I'm really tired I can get like that.

It was silent for a few minutes until he broke it by saying "sorry"

This made me turn around to face him, "It's not your fault Tommy. I should be saying sorry to you. I didn't tell you that she was being like this, she must just miss you. Ever since you left she acted like a brat some days. These past 4 days she's been going bed around this time and i've gotten no sleep at all" I cry.

"Shhh. Come here" He pulls me into his chest.

"I'm just tired" I whispered.

"I know, I know. We will talk about this in the morning okay? Right now you need sleep and so do I. Tomorrow we can go on a date, i'll drop Scarlett off to my mums and we can do something fun whatever you want" he kisses my forehead.

"Thanks babe" I kiss him softly on his lips.

And what he said we did, we went on a cute little date and chilled in watching movies. The next day we picked up Scarlett, she did apologise realising that what she did was wrong. Then we all went to get some ice cream together, as one happy family.

Please send some requests message me!!

[gingeraleluke]

𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼𝗼

𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: timothée chalamet x fem!actress!reader

𝘀𝘆𝗻𝗼𝗽𝘀𝗶𝘀: a part two of the break up + based on the song ‘forget me too’ by machine gun kelly and halsey

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: toxic relationship!!! swearing, alcoholism, panic attacks, smutty! 18+

𝗔/𝗡: a part two was requested by @neptuniees and @f4iryluvy !!

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

10 MONTHS LATER

‘DONT LOOK UP’ CASTING PARTY

“we have cupcakes!”

the image of jennifer lawrence almost tripping as she ran towards the platter of netflix decorated cupcakes, was something that timothée would never be able to forget. he didn’t think he’d make it this far. being in the same room with stars like leonardo dicaprio was a dream to him, but he couldn’t act a fool.

no, he had to keep it all together and impress them. it was the first time that the entire cast would meet (well, most of the cast). most of them hadn’t met before since they didn’t share scenes together, while others had spent the past month shooting together. the whole event was for netflix’s press, but it was also for everyone to get to know eachother. Don’t Look Up was bound to be a huge film, and it was important that they all were aware of the people who made it happen.

timothée didn’t even know that tyler perry was in the film, so when he caught a glimpse of him, he had to keep his hand on the wall to stay upright. after praising meryl streep and cate blanchett for their work, timothée made his way over to one of his hero’s; jonah hill.

how is this even real life?

he and jonah began conversing about their careers; timothée trying his best not to bombard the guy with questions about Superbad, but failing embarrassingly. one thing about timothée chalamet, was that he was always aware of his surroundings. sure, he’d keep eye contact with people, but he’d always do a double take around him every now and then. he didn’t even realize that he did this, thinking it was just a normal habit for people to have. if he wasn’t looking at the person he was talking to, he was either looking around the room or adjusting his tie. as fashionable as the floral tux he had on was, it just wasn’t comfortable.

everyone around him looked like they were on their way to the met gala. tons of fabric and designer purses; he didn’t truly understand why. it was just a get together for the cast. talk to people, eat some dinner and cupcakes, finalize some stuff, take some pictures, and leave. he was planning on wearing just a t shirt, until his stylist stopped him.

i saw you walk in the room

and i tried my best not to panic

as i’m looking for the back door

timothée’s whole body went into shock. at first he thought that y/n had just a really good doppelgänger, but then she spoke. hearing her voice was like an alarm going off in his head.

fuck.

what the fuck is she doing here?!

of course she was in this movie! with my luck.

rubbing his mouth, he tried to think of a way to excuse himself. his eyes were ricocheting off of every part of her body. she wore a baby pink, silk, slip dress and her hair was natural, just how he liked it. the lipstick she wore made her lips look bigger than usual and her skin was glowing. she was ethereal.

“um, excuse me.”

i have to get out of here.

she immediately ran over to meryl, praising her just like timothée had. she didn’t notice timothée staring at her, but unlike him, she knew that he was in this film. she prepared herself hours before hand to see him.

it wasn’t the first time they had seen each other since the oscars. small little run ins had happened from time to time, but they never spoke. while timothée had unfollowed y/n, she continued liking his posts. it felt like she was teasing him. timothée had made a burner account where he would not-at-all-creepily stalk her page. he didn’t realize it while he had her, but he was in love with her. maybe it was because they were both struggling to make it in hollywood; too focused on memorizing lines and gaining followers to really see each other.

he regretted everything he said to her.

yes, she was bat shit crazy at times and would do little things to steal his spotlight, but now that she had her own, maybe it could be different for them. timothée couldn’t get over her. after touching and feeling her body, no one else compared. no one made him orgasm the way she did. no one made him smile the way she did. no one made him as angry as she made him. it was as if all of his senses were on overdrive when they were together, and quite frankly, he missed it.

suddenly, a somewhat drunk jennifer lawrence put her hand on his shoulder. “hey! where are you going? i was looking for you!”

“oh, hi! i was just um— i don’t really feel well.”

“oh, nonsense, you look great!” she walked him back towards the middle table where y/n and meryl were speaking, making their way to the cupcakes.

“oops, sorry!” jennifer, being the klutz she was, accidentally knocked into y/n.

y/n looked over, her face lifting and her eyes glowing as she placed a hand to her chest. “no, what an honor! i mean, jennifer lawrence bumping into you, that you don’t hear much of, hi!”

the girls hugged before she finally noticed timothée’s presence. she looked into his eyes briefly and looked over his body before turning back to jennifer.

she’s teasing me, isn’t she.

i smelled the perfume

and it’s obvious i’m gonna stay

and put the key in the bag more

“timothée, where are you going?” y/n spoke.

he almost didn’t recognize her voice. the confidence it held was natural and unheard of. it almost intimidated him.

she’s talking to me?

fuck.

“oh, uh.” don’t stutter. it makes you seem nervous. “i forgot that i had something i wanted to ask jonah.”

“oh, well you can ask jonah later! there’s plenty of time! plus, we don’t know how much longer these cupcakes will be available. they are almost all gone!” meryl said. she lightly motioned timmy over towards where y/n stood. he could feel the older woman’s hand placed on his back.

y/n couldn’t stop the smirk that appeared on her face. meryl stopped pushing him, causing him to somewhat lose his grip on his feet. he jolted forwards, as if he was shoved, and almost— almost — crashed into y/n. he could smell her perfume, the fruity one she would always wear. it smelled more expensive this time, the rhubarb and narcissus overcoming his senses as he slowly melted into her. a playful look was in her eyes and her orbs never left his. he nervously backed away from her and watched her pick a cupcake up off of the tray.

“yeah, you heard her. we have cupcakes.” she unwrapped the paper and looked back up at him before biting into it. she sucked the vanilla frosting off of her finger and hummed. “mm, this is really good, meryl, you should try some!”

meryl walked over and picked one up, “what flavor would you like, timothée?”

“he likes strawberry.” his eyes moved back to y/n’s with the speed of light. she handed him a strawberry cupcake and licked the frosting off of the side of her hand.

what is she doing?

timothée didn’t expect her to even talk to him, forget reveal what kind of cupcakes he likes. “oh, have you two met before?”

timothée pressed his molars together and prepared to object, until y/n spoke up again. “you could say that.”

i can’t i can’t i can’t

pretend to forget you’re the reason

i punched a hole in the wall back home

“oh! well, i’ll leave you two to catch up.” she excused herself. when timothée turned back around to face his ex, she was already making her way upstairs. the image of her walking up the staircase almost felt like a dream.

he followed after her, and grabbed her arm once they reached the hallway. they were alone now.

“what was that?”

“what was what?”

“why- why are you doing this?” timothée shook his head.

“okay, i’m gonna need you to be a little more clear—“

“pretending! acting like you don’t know me one minute and then you know me the other! there are old pictures of us together! they will find them or you’re gonna slip up and people will think that you’re a liar or be suspicious of us.”

“oh, there’s an us now?” her face was cocky and unamused while timothée’s was clearly confused and anxious. his eyes darted between hers before he spoke.

“what story are we sticking with, then?”

“what story do you remember us as?” y/n tilted her head, looking up at him. their voices were a mere whisper, not wanting people to hear them.

timothée typed a reply, his fingers moving faster than he could even think. it was as if words were flowing right out of him and the angrer that y/n served him was just fuel for his machinery bones to take out on her. he didn’t care.

he wasn’t sure why he was so angry. he was almost upset, even. he had known about the things she had done for a while now, so it wasn’t that. he couldn’t be sad about ending things, he didn’t even like her.

right?

he twiddled his thumbs and pressed send on the message, not caring enough to read it over.

…this is the last message i’ll ever send you. i know we’ve been through a lot, which is why i’m surprised that this is so easy for me. i should probably feel bad about us ending, but in all honesty, i’m not. i wish i could say that i loved you, or that i cared, or that i’d even give a damn if you were here. but, you’re gone. so, we spent all this time apart, while im busy filming, and i feel like you only cling to me when the cameras are on. like even though i’m a thousand miles away, you couldn’t care less. now, knowing all of the shit that you did, it’s come to the point where all i can say is, fuck you. you’re right, i’m a player. but you can’t keep lying to yourself. i am everything that you wanted, but you’re scared. i’m sick of being the victim to your fake love and i honestly hope that i never fucking see you again….

“look,” timothée looked down at their feet, breaking eye contact, “all i know is that i don’t want to pretend. i don’t want to act like nothing happened.”

y/n looked at him and chuckled to herself, coldly, turning around to walk away. “no!” he grabbed her wrist, roughly.

“don’t you dare minimize this. yes, i was mean and a fucking idiot, but don’t act like everything we did never happened. like everything you did never happened. i have holes of drywall to prove it.” he spat. y/n’s eyes went soft and for a second, he thought they might have glossed over.

“look, you ended it, so just forget about me.” she turned away, reaching the end of the hall, when timmy called out once again.

“you want me to forget you? okay! forget me too!” he shouted, definitely loud enough for the people downstairs to hear. she paced towards him, shushing him harshly.

“shhh! shut the fuck up! what are you talking about?”

“i know that you still look me up on instagram. that you like my posts and comment stupid little fire emojis here and there, yet pretend to act as if i don’t exist in real life—“

“YOU-“ she quieted herself down before continuing. “you told me to never contact you again, timothée. i was just doing what you wanted. i’m not so sure why a fucking fire emoji is getting so under your skin. i mean, if anything, you are the one acting like nothing ever happened. unfollowing me and blocking my number.” the two were close, their chests almost touching.

“that’s not pretending, it’s called moving on.”

“oh, fuck you— you think i didn’t try moving on?! unlike you, i actually fucking loved you, timothée. i loved you. i took you for granted, sure, but my feelings were real. god, i thought we were gonna get married someday!”

his stomach dropped. he didn’t know that.

y/n’s eyes were teary as she angrily wiped her eyes, careful not to mess up her makeup. “i-i get so jealous seeing you make out with people on screen. all i can think is how you felt when you touched me, when i touched you, and it drives me insane. it’s to the point where i can barely touch another guy without comparing him to you.”

he knew it wasn’t the right time or place to ask the question, but he couldn’t help it. it was clouding his mind.

“do you think of me when you touch yourself?”

his words were sudden, so uncalculated, yet smooth. she wasn’t even sure if she heard him right. he looked down her body as he waited for an answer.

“do you?” she asked. the two of them looked at each other, mentally undressing the other while they were overcome with lust. she watched his adam apple bobble as he gulped and immediately.

“y/n, answer the question-“

“you answer first.” she stepped closer to him.

and then and then

and then a couple hours later

we’re in room 29 at the chateau

“y/n, if you say yes to the question, i’m not gonna be able to keep my hands off of you.” his fingertips grazed her hips, the coolness of the silk dress, exciting him. she leaned up and spoke into his mouth, “yes.”

their lips locked, moaning quietly into eachother as his fingers slid quickly up her dress. it was fast, hurried as if someone would walk in and stop them any minute. she gripped his hair, her legs wobbling as he pushed her panties to the side and entered her with his fingers.

“so fucking sexy, just how i remember.” his words made her knees buckle even more, making him lift her legs up and wrap around him, sideways. the position was weird and uncomfortable, but he wanted to make her cum, right then and there. “i’m not stopping until you’re dripping all over the hallway.”

she nibbled his ear as he kissed and licked at her neck, his knuckles burried deep inside of her. “fuck, i can see your nipples through your dress.”

y/n moaned, a little too loudly, and timothée pulled her panties back up. “i’m getting us a room so i can fuck you properly without you traumatizing leonardo dicaprio and cate blanchett downstairs.”

he dropped to his knees and peeled up her dress, his hot breath hitting her clothed clit, making her jolt. “what a pretty present for me.” he held the hem of her pink and white lace panties before kissing the cloth on her body and walking away.

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

i need to leave.

timothée fought with himself, figuring out what the best option would be for the both of them. her body was limp and faced towards him, in a deep slumber.

fuck, why did i do this?

at the time, it felt right, but now? timothée was feeling all kinds of feelings and he wasn’t sure what to do with it. having sex with her felt like he just threw everything away.

and the worst part?

he wasn’t even drunk.

he felt himself slip into a whirlwind of shame and regret for doing this— exactly what he said he wouldn’t do. timothée had a hard time adjusting to the celebrity lifestyle, and sometimes the only thing that would help was getting drunk. it had gotten bad, though.

timothée and y/n would fight about him constantly drinking, one of the reasons why they weren’t truly happy together. he would always walk on eggshells, sneak vodka out from the cabinets and chug as much as he could before brushing his teeth to keep her from smelling it on him.

i left before you woke up

i don’t feel right

seeing you sober

he watched her turn over, her back towards him now as he quickly and carefully slipped out from under the covers. timothée rummaged around and picked his clothes off of the ground, getting dressed, making a note to leave on the nightstand. he sent one last look her way and then closed the door.

expecting to feel the warmth of timothée’s body, y/n rolled over and reached out. her arm was covered in a bittering cold, signaling her former lovers absence.

“tim—“ she saw the window of chateau, warm colored trees in the distance with the blistering hot sun shining through at her. her heart dropped and she felt used.

he left?

after everything we’ve been through, i’m just a one night stand?

she felt her eyes start to water.

i’m such an idiot.

she zoned out and stared at the wall of the room for a few moments before her eyes drifted over to a note on the bedside table.

𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚡

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

2 MONTHS LATER

3 HOURS UNTIL Y/N’S MOVIE PREMIERE

i’ve wasted so much time

waiting around for your

phone calls every night

“god, where the FUCK is he?!” y/n borderline screamed as she tossed her phone across her bedroom, landing on her bed.

“y/n! hey, calm down. it’s okay.” selena spoke, leaping over to quickly grab her friends phone and go back to comfort her.

y/n and selena were costars in a new netflix film. she was a huge fan of her music and was super nervous to meet her, but they clicked and have best friends ever since. she looked up to selena like a mentor or an older sister.

she ranted about timothée to her multiple times. selena already knowing timothée from filming with him, was shocked, yet upset that they weren’t together.

after their hookup, she received those calls from timmy like he promised. they had hung out multiple times since and have started to rekindle their love. while timothée hasn’t been vocal about his feelings towards her, he has been physical. he abruptly stopped talking to her. no more nighttime calls, no more parking lot hook ups. it had been nine days since they last spoke.

she was scared to say anything. scared that he would think she’s clingy and run away again, so instead she would lay on her bed with no background noise and wait for the phone calls that never came.

he swore that he would show up at the premiere for her new film. that they could make their weird romance public and hold hands on the red carpet together, but alas, it’s been hours and he hasn’t showed.

fuck.

my bad dreams are silk screened

cause i taste blood when you bleed

it’s eating me alive

instead of being mad, y/n was worried. she felt the familiar buzzing sensation in the pit of her stomach as her face grew hot. selena had her hand on her shoulder, yet y/n couldn’t feel it.

“hey, are you okay?” she got lost in her brown eyes, before shaking her head and standing up.

“hey! careful.” selena steadied her wobbling feet. “y/n? what’s wrong?”

we’d both be better off alone

still think i’d get you on the phone

she grabbed her phone from selena’s hand and contemplated texting him again.

NO, y/n.

he’s not going to answer.

she knows how timothée can be. he gets so in his head and overthinks everything to the point where he cuts people off. she imagined himself drinking to death in some cracked out bar, and her heartbeat sped up.

god, i’m gonna get in so much trouble for this..

with one last breath in me

i’d die before i let you leave

“y/n?”

“i’m sorry.”

“what? why?”

“i can’t go.”

“what?!” selena snapped, shocked at her words.

“i have to go find him, sel. he might be hurt—“

“y/n, he’s a fucking idiot! you can’t leave, the premiere starts in less than three hours!”

“i have to!” the makeup artists watched her get up and leave, grabbing a jacket as she ran outside in the rain.

you left before i woke up

why don’t i ever

see you sober?

thank god her dress was short. the jacket she wore was a trench coat that covered her whole body and kept the dress from getting too wet. she didn’t know where exactly she was going, she just knew that she needed a ride.

finding her car, she zoomed off towards timothée’s place, praying that he would be safe there. she was so scared that he would get alcohol poisoning or that his organs would shut down. there were so many instances when she would have to take him to the doctors because he drank so much and she still has nightmares to this day about it.

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

“timothée?”

she slowed her car down at the sight of him standing in an open garage attached to his place. the rain dripped down from the floor as he stood in the shade, his hair slightly damp. he was surrounded by tools and had his headphones hanging around his neck, standing there and looking at his feet.

“tim!” she yelled, slamming the car door and running to him. when she stepped into the driveway, she saw what he was wearing and her heart fluttered.

a soaking wet dress shirt and a tie.

“you were gonna go…” her voice was soft as she spoke. his eyes never left the floor.

you want me to forget you

okay forget me too

“what happened?”

“it broke.” a shattered lightbulb laid at his feet, shards of glass on the dirty cement.

“well, let me get it—“ she went to pick it up when he smacked her arm.

“no! just forget me.” he looked as if he was going to cry. timothée’s eyes were sunken and his face was pale.

“what? wh-“ she stepped over the glass and grabbed onto his shoulders, trying to maintain eye contact with him. “what are you talking about?”

“just forget it. forget about me…everything that we were.”

you tell me you hate me baby

yeah i bet you do

the paint of composure started to slowly chip away as y/n grew frustrated.

“what are you fucking serious? you really want me to just forget you?—“

“yes!”

“okay, then forget me too!” y/n lip started to quiver lightly and her feet were tired from running.

i’m keeping you waiting

but i won’t wait on you

you want me to forget you

okay forget me too

“what are you talking about—“

“you tell me that you want me to just forget about you and move on but then you fucking sleep with me the second you see me again?! you tell me that we can work this out and that we can go public but then you get too fucking in your head to actually do something about it! you approached me, timmy! you can yell and swear and call me a bitch and tell me how much you can’t stand me, but your actions show the complete opposite! you can hate me all you want, but that doesn’t change the fact that you still love me and that i love you too. so, sure. i’ll forget you and everything that happened, but you have to forget me too.” y/n huffed, breathing so heavily that her chest was heaving up and down. she quickly wiped any tears that may have fell and looked at timothée before speaking.

hey you

tell me why you do the things that make me

hate you?

“why, why are you like this?” she put her hands on the sides of his face. the two of them looked deep into one another, they shoes basically touching. “why do you try to push me away? you feed me this façade that you want me to believe is you, but it’s not. i know the real you— i’ve seen it!”

it’s an emotional kaleidoscope when i

face you

“i’ll wait. im-i’ll wait until you are settled down. when you don’t have so much going on and when you feel like you can actually be in a relationship. i’ll wait for you.” timothée put a finger up to her lips to silence her. something that would be entirely cringy if it wasn’t for their circumstances.

“i do love you. i don’t think i’m ready to make it public, but i do want us to be the real deal. i want us to live together and to be together. i want to be your only boyfriend and you my only girlfriend, y/n. i want that.”

“really?”

“really.” as y/n smiled so big that her cheeks hurt, timmy bend down and kissed her. she tangled her hands into his wet hair, knowing that they just took a step in the right direction.

permanent calligraphy

i just tattooed

your name on me forever

━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━

@neptuniees @rxomi @theeblackbarbiesworld