#i dont know how to tag this yet truly so read more to be safe RIP RIP

[vhaenessavelaryon]

flashback: driftmark, the crownlands. the funeral of yna velaryon. set after the coronation of jaehaerys ii of house targaryen.  who: @vlxyrianclaws

tw: allusions to death & child endangerment (will adjust if/when needed)

They had become repetitive — funerals. 

The black, the greif. Those rites as ancient as Old Valyria — words to beckon the ocean, the tide. To swallow them whole. Over and over, now, she had heard them. Sending her family to the depths. It was akin to how she��d learned the Seven Pointed Star, how she'd been forced to memorize them. 

The Seven had been Jaehaerys talking at her, over, and over. Repetitive, like drills upon dragon-back. In the same fashion, as had been Velaryon funerals —  again and again, they’d had to speak those rites. Spoken them at her, over ocean waves, as she watched from the shore, eyes locked to the thrash of salt water as each sarcophagi plunged. To even attempt to stop the branding of those death words within her skull was a fools errand.

The Siren was veiled — gossamer sheer, and the color of night. Only her red lips had been visible through the fabric, when the setting light of a too-bright sun had fallen on her. Vhaenessa had forgone her normal wardrobe, cloaked in mourning black. No better than a shadow, a wraith, as she watched that too-bright sun set upon yet another funeral. Another rite. Another death. 

The ocean churned in her — a roar in her ears as loud as crashing waves as she stood away from the quiet crowd of mourners. Her mis-matched eyes found focus on the burning brazers that lined the stone balcony, jutted out over the thrashing sea. Where they had gathered for her mother’s death. Her father’s death. Her brother’s death. Now, Yna’s death. So the rites repeated — over, and over.

Serpentine, it took little effort to find him in the crowd — little effort to pluck the knife from the roasted boar presented for the funeral feast. Little effort to slip it into her sleeve, under her thick funeral cloak. But the knife wasn’t for him — no, not the right utensil for shellfish.

“Hello, crab.” She said, red-stained lips grazing the shell of his ear through her veil as she came up behind him at last. Discrete, viper-quick, she’d found him — moved water-like through the others. A lover’s touch, a drop of honey on her tongue… until her hand shot out to catch his wrist. Tight as Valyrian steel, her moonish nails digging into the cuff of his shirt. Hidden by the folds of her cloak, she shoved the palm of his hand against her — against the barely-there swell of her stomach, only noticeably by herself, and… 

…and someone who knew her. Knew her — her body, her mind. They went unspoken, those words in her mind. That she understood. That no matter what faulty moontea she might have drunk, that no matter what she did to protect her lifestyle… he had done something. Done something — something that they understood, body and mind. That he was wretched and foul — and so was she. They knew.

“I will be rid of you, Maximus.” Pressing, pressing his wretched palm into her abdomen as her nails dug deeper into his wrist.  To feel what he'd sowed, what he'd done. “You’ll see.” A snake's hiss — then, she was shoving it away with a concealed jerk, turning on an ocean breeze. There, and then moving back into the throng of those who had come to pay respects. Threading through them again, moving so that he could not yet reach her without causing some delicious scene. 

Through night and shadows, she slipped down ancient stone stairs, to where the tide had begun to eat away at the beach below. Moved away, and out of sight — shoes touching sand as she moved around the curve of rocks, farther, farther from the crowd, ripping her cloak from her shoulders, the veil. 

Away from the burning brazers. Moved until the roaring was not in her ears, but the waves themselves — so loud it could swallow up any thought, any spoken word. Until her feet met water again, and the only light was the barley-there fires of the feast in the distance.

The knife, freed from her sleeve, was now gripped in her vice-white fingers — hovering just above her naval as the wind whipped her dark hair. She’d be rid of him —  of Maximus Celtigar. 

She’d show the bastard what selfish was.

[squipdop]

But doesn't he want to become a god specifically to be the one Actually Good God that doesn't turn people away and instead helps them? His intentions with godhood are much different than Astarion's with ascension.

GREAT question! lets see if i can answer in a way thats coherent (Challenge: Hard). first things first: this is obviously all influenced by how *i* read these characters, and how *i* think their stories would go given the circumstances (plus a bit of what id *like* to see because a) player choice has a lot of influence on character development and b) these guys are all dolls in my playhouse and i like to have fun)

so; i do believe gale truly consciously *wants* to be an Actually Good God. im not at all arguing against that - i simply believe he would not actually *be* one. for one because i dont think any God can actually be purely Good, not from the mortals point of view, and especially not a God of a domain such as *Magic*? and how long can you listen to and help your worshippers, how long can you be patient and a just teacher and ruler, when you are so much above them? when you have so much more power than them, so much more knowledge, so much more time. not to mention anyone contesting your power or domain, mortal or otherwise.

pair this with gale not always being quiet as Good as he likes to think of himself as - he does not disapprove of astarions plans of ascension, he can stay with you after the goblin raid, he is fully willing to sacrifice not *only himself, but also your entire party and everyone in the vicinity the size of a city* for mystras forgiveness "the greater good" (MINI philosophical ramblings here, because thats another intresting angle but this is already getting long enough: yes, even in the name of the greater good, he is in this moment making the decision of sacrifice not only for himself, but for a WHOLE bunch of people without their consent or consideration.) this perhaps is a personal gripe with this flavor of utilitarism, but just think how this would scale onto near limitless power.

another aspect i personally see in gales want for godhood is his desire to feel worthy. i mentioned this in my tags earlier already, but i read gale in the "gifted kid who knows hes smart but still never feels quite enough to be worth loving" way? and just constantly trying to prove that - without ever being able to attain it, and as a God, who would even be there to hand out this approval? "am i worth loving yet" is just a question you cannot recieve a satisfying affirmation to if you dont trust others to make the call

as for comparison with astarion... i think astarions base desire for ascension comes from a need to feel *safe*, which he believes he can only attain through power over others. this is where im drawing my comparisons: astarions desire for power => safety, and gales desire for power => worthiness; both think power (ascension, godhood) could give them what they want, when this is simply untrue - astarion will not ever feel truly safe if he does not let himself heal and move on, and gale will never truly feel worthy enough if he does not detach his self worth from others approval (and his use to others)

in my post i specifically mentioned them in a relationship bc i love me some unhealthy bloodweave, and i think this is one of the most toxic ways they could be together, especially if theyre both hopelessly devoted to each other... (dreamy sigh) but i think this answer is already long enough so ill cut it off here

TL;DR: i think gale *wants* to be an actually Good God. i just do not think him capable.

[amourcheol]

before i reblog, i want to give you ALL the flowers in the world. i just finished reading the monster of a fic called the great war and YOU HAVE DONE IT AGAIN. there are no words that can amount to how much i adore this fic. i love lengthy word counts done right (god knows how much long fics i got excited over before them being disappointing or boring as a reader) and i, most importantly, love enemies to lovers, arranged marriage, historical aus done right !!

lets get this out of the way first GRRR WOOF WOOF WOOF BARK SNARK GRERR RAHH HOWL BARK BARK WOOF WOOF WOOF GENERAL SEUNGCHEOL VICTOR OF VENICE I NEED ABYSMALLY.

okay. now that i can safely get that out of my system, LOVE LOVE LOVEEE everything about this fic. theres something so sweet abt men being written unrealistically (aka respectful and honorable whattt??? out of this world tbh) im joking ,, but i did absolutely love how you made cheol so strongly standing for his wife. the slow burn that really did the tag justice (it BURNT), the ENEMIES TO LOVERS DONE RIGHT!?! LIKE YESSS !!! they actually did want to kill each other and the yelling and arguing leading up to the first kissing scene CHEFS KISS like that's literally the epitome of writing, like is it really an e2l if there isn't a intensely written argument before the first sign of intimacy!?!?

throughout reading this story, all i could think abt was how could i ever put into the words the justice you served. allowing reader to be a strong character yet so eloquently bringing to light the struggles she would still face from just being a woman, to seungcheol using his power to stand FOR her. an honorary mention of the "Careful." he would reply to the Councillor after the panicking scene from the Florence mention INCREDIBLE!! it gave everything and more!! the character development from both sides, venus and mars foreshadowing, the subtleties that only slow burn could provide. i genuinely wish i could give a way better review than this but unfortunately im still speechless due to how beautiful this story was so just pls take this dreary review and understand that im so so in love and i adore you so much for the amount of work you put out into this, from the visuals and the descriptions, the perfect build up, the amazing writing of e2l and reflections– just EVERYTHING. you created a masterpiece <3

brb literally pulling my hair out till I got scraps left .

IMNSORRY ):£3!3!3 IM GONAN SVREAM SHIT CRY ?:£3!3!3 THIS IS THE SWEETEST THING EVER ):&:!3! 😭😭😭😭😭 First of all UR SO RIGHT … I never find huge fics anywhere and if I do they’re just …: YAWN ‼️‼️ I’m so glad u love those tropes they’re my BIGGEST guilty pleasures 😭 tho I can’t even lie I don’t feel guilty at ALL for historical! Aus

FUCKCJFKDDJD STOP I SVREAMED can u tell that cheol as a military general haunts me at night … I fear I am able to write another 40k for him ..: but ur so right tho my biggest biggest swoon moments come from men dying and sacrificing themselves for their lovers and I just !!! Seungcheol would absolutely die for his wife and this information jumps me in my sleep paralysis FR .. I’m so so happy u agree w me about the hatred I NEED HATRED FOR E2L OR ITS NOT E2L !! and PLS another guilty pleasure is screaming in each others faces before eating each other up … i will not be held accountable …

STOP I COULD CRY ??? thank u for appreciating the little bits of the fic 😭😭💖 that scene was incredibly hard to write and I’m glad people like it so much !! PLEASE DONT WVEN APOLOGISE ??? This is more than I could ever ask for you are truly so kind 😞💖💖 thank you for taking the time to read and send this unbelievably sweet message may or may not be thinking about this for the next 700 business days 😍😍💖

[transgender-eichi]

ibatomo: a rarepair so rare i invented the tag for it lmao - part 1

let's use bogie time as an intro

ibatomo dont necessarily have a lot of interactions, but the ones they do have are important

these are a good baseline for tomoya's personality:

he's level-headed and calm when he needs to be, and therefore acts like a "rock" for ra*bits- he stabalizes them. he knows when its time to focus and reigns everybody in. he's also blunt- he doesnt sugarcoat his words, he says what needs to be said. he's also an actor.

all of this will be important later

one of the few times in the story they exchanged words- it just felt relevant

i'd like to preface this by saying i'm a pretty new ibaraP, and i havent read a lot of his stories. feel free to correct me if i get anything wrong, coz i'd love to talk about these guys more!

i also havent read flambe yet. i want to so bad but i'm sadly only an eng player and only have read those stories so far. but bear with me because my points still stand

i'm a big rarepairshipper and multishipper, and i base most of my ships off of how compatible i think they would be regardless of how much theyve interacted in canon.

!! im also not implying ANYTHING in this to be sexual. im acespec and i dont like the sexual aspects of ships. i mean this in purely a romantic way !!

so let me introduce you to ibatomo the ship, and why they work together

1. Personality

As mentioned before, Tomoya is a Guy. he's stable and blunt and calm when he needs to be, but he's still adorable and flustered and a little guy at other times. Him and Ibara are almost complete opposites

Ibara is a two-faced, admittedly pathetic snake of a man. he uses others to further his own agendas even if it hurts them. he is in his own best interest (yet i love him still)

but deep down, he's just a broken guy. he has so many layers of fake and manipultion that under all that he doesnt even know who he is.

but also there's small reflections of each other in their personalities

tomoya is blunt when he needs to be; he says things as they need to be said, even if it might accidentally hurt the other's feelings. this doesn't happen often, but he's got his own insecurities and sometimes says what needs to be said. he's also an actor- he's truly an innocent and adorable guy, but he can also put himself into roles. he's not considered one of the best actors in the story for nothing. sadly he hasnt had a lot of acting related cards in !!, but there's plenty in !. he fits the roles as he needs to and does it well. he's innocent and cute, but there are also the very small reflections of ibara in him if you look closely.

and then ibara. he's a cold and manipultive person. but also, he's slowly beginning to have soft moments. eden and hajime most notably have been able to drag his soft side out- he tries to keep up a facade, but sometimes his weaker side slips out and that's okay. he does have a soft side- he doesn't like getting close to others because he knows that they'll get hurt by his plans.

both of them have grown so much, and i do think that them as opposites mesh well together. ibara is not a stable person; tomoya is. tomoya could stabalize ibara, and i feel ibara would feel safe opening up to tomoya after a while. because tomoya just doesn't take anyone's bs. he knows what acting is. he's the kind of guy that would be there for others when they need it most and be there for them.

i can imagine ibara in a soft moment, laying his head on tomoya's lap while they're on the couch, tomoya petting his hair and them just being in a soft moment together, because ibara can let his guard down around tomoya.

[venomgender]

Hey I saw your tags on a prev post, can you tell me how you pirate content safely? (you can publish privately) thanks!

ok im going to start out that im not the 'end all be all' of piracy im like. constantly improving my craft (lol) but i'll explain everything i do to make sure i dont get caught while extensively downloading media

before that though if you just want to stream media and not torrent it you can just go to r/piracy's megathread and click the links through there

i WAS going to put this all under a read more but i was trying to link additional resources and this post has most of their explanation under a read more and since they deactivated their account you can't access it anymore. so on the off chance i deactivate i want to keep this post accessible, sorry its so long lol

some of this tutorial is only truly accessible if you have a computer that can stay on 24/7, which i know is not viable for everyone, so i went ahead and highlighted the things you need a computer thats always on for in blue

(honestly, you probably do all the things you need an always on computer for with a raspberry pi but i dont know jack shit about those (yet) so you'd have to look elsewhere on how to do that) i do all of my piracy on a windows desktop computer

1. the first thing you want to do when beginning your torrenting life is purchasing a good vpn.

i personally don't trust any vpn sponsored by youtubers to not sell you data to companies for profit, so i use ProtonVPN since i use their mail service and their servers are based in Norway i believe which has EXTREMELY strict privacy laws. they have a free version of it but it doesn't allow you to torrent.

NEVER USE A FREE VPN FOR TORRENTING EITHER! they are like. the least secure vpns in the world . a vpn is expensive but basically all of them are for plans that last well over a year so its a worthwhile investment

2. the next thing you'll want to do is select and set up your torrenting client

i personally use qbittorrent and it works great. DO NOT USE UTORRENT. while their are some versions that don't have a cryptominer attached to it, basically all of the versions do at this point so its better to just steer clear

once you have your torrenting client downloaded, you will want to set it up to only be able to connect to the internet through you're vpn. the images below show you how to do it in qbittorrent

(image descriptions available in the alt text)

once you've done the steps in the image, click "apply" and then "ok" in the bottom right of the settings tab

the next part is only necessary if you are going to seed torrents (which i recommend you do if you can)

if you ARE going to seed torrents, you are going to need to enable port forwarding in your vpn and connect your torrenting client to the port specifed. the following images will show you how to do that with ProtonVPN and qBittorrent

(image descriptions available in the alt text)

once you've done the steps in the image, click "apply" and then "ok" in the bottom right of the settings tab. you will want to make sure that connection status button, located two buttons to the left of your displayed download speed is a GREEN electrical cord plug. if it is red then you cannot download or seed. if it is yellow then you can download, but you cannot seed. it will take a couple of minutes for the specified port to update and the connection status to turn green.

3. now that you've done the hard part, its time for the EVEN HARDER part (this is, however, all completely optional). it is now time to set up tracked tv shows, movies, etc to automatically torrent when updates or a better quality becomes available

you do this using Radarr (for movies), Lidarr (for music), Sonarr (for TV shows), and Prowlarr (as your indexer to manage what torrent hosting clients you want these applications to use). when you download these applications and install them, you are going to want to

you first want to download all of these applications using the links above. you can choose which applications to download based on the things you're going to be downloading, however for any of these applications to work you are going to NEED to download Prowlarr. for simplicity sake i will walk you through setting up all of these from the beginning of my list to the end, except im starting with prowlarr first because that's what you need to set up the rest.

however, when installing ANY of these applications, you are going to have to choose whether to install it as a system tray application or a windows service. I'm going to copy and paste from the Prowlarr wiki what the difference means, though it applies to all of the applications

A Windows Service runs even when the user is not logged in, but special care must be taken since Windows Services cannot access network drives (X:\ mapped drives or \\server\share UNC paths) without special configuration steps.

Additionally the Windows Service runs under the 'Local Service' account, by default this account does not have permissions to access your user's home directory unless permissions have been assigned manually. This is particularly relevant when using download clients that are configured to download to your home directory.

It's therefore advisable to install Prowlarr as a system tray application if the user can remain logged in. The option to do so is provided during the installer.

now that you've installed the programs you want, its time to set up prowlarr. i am once again going to show you how to set it up using pictures

(image descriptions available in the alt text)

that is how you add what torrent indexers (the websites that host torrents) you want to use to prowlarr. I only used TorrentGalaxy as an example, I don't actually use that site. I recommend being VERY careful and selective with what websites you use if they are a public tracker, as any of their torrents can host viruses. do your research before adding them. for convenience, however, I will list all of the public trackers I use so you can add them to Prowlarr if you like:

1337x

IBit

Internet Archive

Nyaa.si

Rarbg

Shana Project

SubsPlease

Torlock

YTS

you can also add private trackers, which is basically the same setup except you will have to input your username and password and/or an api key to allow prowlarr to access your account. I will explain private trackers later.

i will now show you how to connect prowlarr with the other applications you downloaded, once again with images

you want to do this with every application you're using.

that's the basics for setting up Prowlarr. you can further customize it with the help of the Prowlarr wiki if you'd like, but this is all I'll be covering in this tutorial.

setting up the other applications pretty intuitive if after setting up prowlarr, however if you do need help this is the video i watched to set up the rest. you only need to watch how to set up one of these applications to know how to set up the rest, and you can ignore literally everything this person is saying besides how to set up sonarr radarr and lidarr. seriously, don't listen to the rest of what this person has to say it will only confuse you. i have the video hyperlinked to where you need to start to learn how to set up these applications (the one she walks you through in depth is sonarr)

4. now that you've set up the torrent trackers (or skipped that part, those are, again, optional), it's time to go back to your torrenting client and configure how it handles your torrents.

you can only download so many megabytes a second, and when you have a million torrents downloading at once it makes every single torrent download at a snails pace because of that. so, what you're going to want to do is set it to download only a certain number of torrents at a time, and queue the rest to download once one torrent finishes.

this setup is pretty self explanatory, so I won't use images and just explain it.

go back to the settings of your torrenting client, and click on the "BitTorrent" tab (this might be a tab specific to qbittorrent, if you are using a different client look for a tab that is called something similar) (you can alternatively just google how to set torrents to queue for your specific client)

click the checkbox next to the option "torrent queuing"

customize how many active downloads and uploads you want. I personally recommend having no more than 6 torrents downloading at a time so that way they can all download relatively fast. i have my seed (upload) limit set to 60 because I'm in private trackers (which i will explain more about later), but if you don't want to seed for whatever reason you can set that to 0 and it SHOULD (don't quote me on this) automatically stop your torrent once its finished downloading. this could also potentially throttle your download speed because torrents don't like it when you're not uploading them while downloading them, don't quote me on that either having downloads set to 0 is not something im familiar with at all

you can optionally also set your download and upload limits in the "speed" category of settings, though i recommend keeping them both at infinity

5. setting up your downloaded media so you can watch it

this part is really easy and ALSO technically optional but it makes your life so much more convenient so i really recommend doing it. we're going to set up Plex Media Server so it can auto sort through your libraries and organize everything.

download plex and create an account

launch the server and go to the settings page, indicated by the wrench icon in the top right

scroll all the way down the settings directory until you get to the 'Manage" subheading and click on "Libraries"

assign your media libraries to the folders on your hard drive. for this you are going to want to keep movies, tv, and music all in separate folders, and you are going to want to keep your tv shows within your tv folder separate as well.

click 'scan library files' and watch plex update your library in real time

there will be times where plex isn't able to grab the metadata for a piece of media you have, but i can tell you how to (hopefully) prevent that from happening:

in the settings menu, go to the "network" tab under the "settings" subheading

uncheck the box next to "Enable server support for IPv6"

thats it! it should be able to get the metadata for all your media now

6. joining private trackers

this is honestly some Advanced levels of torrenting, and you shouldn't join them if you don't have a device that can be on and seeding 24/7

private trackers are torrent trackers that you can only use if you have a registered account with. they generally have a higher quality selection of torrents with faster download speeds due to a higher seeders to leecher ratio. each tracker has their own rules you need to follow, but they all have similar baselines

maintain your download-to-upload ratio (this will be specified in the trackers FRQ)

after you finish downloading something, you then need to seed it for a certain amount of time (normally a week) or else it will be considered a 'hit n run' and you will face the appropriate consequences

some things are free leach, which means you can download them without it contributing negatively to your ratio. if you seed and upload free leaches they will count to your ratio positively, however

most private trackers are invite-only, but some do occasionally have open signups which you can track on r/opensignups

when joining any private tracker, i recommend only downloading things that are free leach until you have built a good buffer between your upload to download ratio.

this is barely a drop in the water explanation of private trackers, but it's a part of torrenting that i feel like most people don't know about and/or don't know how to get started with, so i felt like it was worth mentioning. r/piracy has a more in-depth explanation (and a better "how to get started" guide on their megathread

and that's it! this is my indepth beginners guide to torrenting and piracy. i will maybe come back to this later and add more / make the formatting better (tumblr post formatting has such bad options...)

linked below are some useful resources for torrenting and pirating in general that i have saved.

my favorite public torrent tracker

r/piracy megathread

r/roms megathread for video game console downloading (direct downloads mostly, not torrents)

r/FREEMEDIAHECKYEAH megathread

r/FREEMEDIAHECKYEAH beginners guide to piracy

nintendo switch roms (direct downloads)

nintendo switch emmulator

ns emmulator setup guide

sideload apps on an apple device

hacked spotify ipa (ios app) that you can use above link to sideload

a less convient way to sideload apps onto apple if altstore doesnt work for you

[yyxgin]

— tag game. ☔

recommend 5 or more of your own works that you would rec to someone asking what they should read first & explain a little bit about the work. these can be the most popular, the ones you think are underrated, or your own favorites! then tag five other writers! | tagged by @neo-shitty thanks toffee i love talking about myself! :p

you best believe i AM doing more than 5 because i write for a lot of groups and i truly believe those fics are worth reading!

seventeen.

sympathy subtraction (chwe vernon). okay so there is NO way im not mentioning this fic. AND im putting it on first place because its literally my child. my longest fic and the fic i hold the closest to my heart. 40k full of undying love for chwe vernon, this is. it also really closely follows my emotions about every single falling-out i've ever had. the perfect slice of life, the perfect coming of age. i shamelessly reread this from time to time from how well written it actually is. i am not afraid to say that i am the biggest fan of my own fic bc oh well. i write the fics i wanna read <3

this february 14th (kim mingyu). okay here's the tea. for a while, i really didnt like this fic and i despised seeing it in my notifications, BUT. it literally has 1k notes so i reread it last night and i literally forgot what this fic was about i kid you not 😭 after reading it again, i came to the conclusion that my writing style in this is actually really good and even though the plot is not anything special, i still think it was really sweet :p

nct.

happier than ever (huang renjun). a big FAT trauma dump. but i absolutely adore this fic. one of my absolute favorites. i somehow always give renjun the fics where i experience the most trauma lmao i treat writing for this boy like a therapy session. i think it has to do w the fact that i see myself a lot in renjun so it feels safe to write about him in this way :p anywAYS i still love the brother's best friend trope i incorporated in here. its also a fairly popular fic of mine, which is a pleasant surprise! a lot of coming of age/slice of life vibes, fluffy but also absolutely heartbreaking. <3

the borders (huang renjun). AAAAAAA another trauma dump 😭 hits a little less to home than the previous fic does, but still hits nonetheless. inspired by one of my most favorite songs ever! i always wanted to write a fic on this song, even back in my 5sos era, so i am glad i finally did it when writing for nct. handles very difficult themes, so i was a little scared of posting it, as it was the first full nct fic ive ever posted as well :) i said it the first time and i will say it again; handle this fic with care.

and i love her just like that (lee donghyuck). MY MOST POPULAR NCT FIC AND YOU KNOW WHAT? AS IT SHOULD BE. hyuck e2l just hitS 😩😩 i think about this fic at least two times a week when i go play table tennis with my dad. hyuck is a menace and i still wanna make out with him very badly at a ping-pong table. this fic represents just that. also slightly inspired by maniac by nct u bc hyuck ate

just saying (liu yangyang). my writing style in this >>>>> ngl i find myself really funny in this it might just be me but. this fic is top comedy. also i have a yangyang fic in my drafts that deserves to be in this list but i havent posted it yet😔😔😔 not yy being the only non dream member i write for from nct. his impact on me is truly impaccable.

seventeen going under (zhong chenle). another fic that might be difficult to handle and also another sam fender inspired fic. talks about suicide. with this, i wanted to speak up about the rate of male suicides and how we tend to overlook mental issues in men due to toxic masculinity. also, i loved the 'retro' film vibe and the chenji besties interactions i wrote in here<3

hypersonic missiles (na jaemin). bros i didnt expect this fic to get nearly as much attention as it has. idk man i dont really get much to say abt this one, other than the fact that its a sci-fi, which i dont usually write, but i fucking loved writing this it was so much fun i should do more sci-fi

stray kids.

lee felix's guide to hating you (lee felix). another popular one!! loved every second of writing this. it handles my own feelings and emotions and the fic is very personal to me hihi it also lowkey made my blog "blow up"?? not that its big rn or anything, but i think that most of my followers came from this fic! :)

my only hate, my only love (kim seungmin). bruh there's just something about seungmin that only allows me to write angst for him. i think there's like one (1) fluff that i wrote for him and even that one is a short drabble. im sorry seungmin. 😭 anyways i am a literature hoe and wrote this despite not reading romeo and juliet fully once!! had a lot of fun with it. e2l stays superior (not actually, i prefer f2l but shh)

meet you there (kim seungmin). another heavy one ooof- inspired by sky castle! ngl i am very much in love with kim donghee and he always reminded me of seungmin a bit and i think that's what made me write this fic? 😭 not sure.

tagging. @koishua @crispy-chan @chogiwow @mellow-midzy @aliceu @multi-kpop-fanfics @decembermoonskz and @tinami (if you come back to tumblr🤍) LETS SPREAD LOVE ABT OUR FICS AND ACT LIKE ARTISTS ON GENIUS EXPLAINING THE LYRICS 😡😡😡

[no-droids]

Ok I’ve thought about it more and Din for sure knows where she’s at. It’s why he didn’t call right at midnight because of the bells, sweet girl kept looking out the window for reasons she didn’t understand, and him and the kid sleeping under the willow tree for a *second* night and saying they’ll find her again tomorrow. He just wants her to have an adventure 😭 but I think it’s the first time he found her

YESSSSSS I know this was probably a bit confusing but it will be explained in the actual story, because he absolutely did find her. If you would prefer not to know until the chapter comes out (idk if it’ll be in the next one or the one after) DONT CONTINUE READING as this will be addressed within the fic but I don’t mind clarifying some confusion right now

I’ve seen some people ask about the line at the end where he mentions how often the guy turned back to face her in line, but I’ll say right now that that was indeed from her footprints and the fact that he could see blonde dude’s feet constantly turning back to face her in line while they shuffled up over time. Din didn’t know where she was the whole time, he wasn’t just tagging along behind her and letting her get ahead of him for funsies. He could tell every single time she stopped to talk to someone because her footprints wouldn’t just continue walking, they’d be directly next to each other to let him know she stood there for a little while. In the first chapter, sweet girl stopped for a bit in Osiruu and listened to a melody being played on an instrument, so I imagine Din would also stop there and try to figure out what caught her attention—if there was another set of footprints that also seemed to stop in the same place, it means she had a conversation. He would see the children she stopped to speak to, the vendors she chose to visit, like... he’s basically learning more and more of who she is when nobody is looking.

the only time she ever truly felt Din’s presence was later on in the afternoon on day four. When she snuck into the temple to donate all her credits and then the two brothers found her, she had a weird feeling that she was still being watched. But then again, Din mentioned how she’s not able to have many friends with him, so he must’ve been looking earlier than that. He was also in the inn at midnight, and the narration said he laid up against the willow tree for two nights in a row, which means that after he called her up that first night in the orphanage and she told him she hoped he’d sleep in the bed, Din hung up and immediately left to follow her. He said “see you tomorrow” because he knew where she was and he WOULD see her the next day, and he also said “I already—” when she offered to give him her coordinates because again, he already knew. HE HADNT FOUND HER YET, but he knew where she’d be.

so yee day four was when he actually found her, i imagine while she was attending the service in the morning and just zoning out and thinking about him. so I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for her or think he knew where she was the entire time and was just messing around with her because he wasn’t. He predicted her plan during day 3’s check-in (the last part of chapter 16), figured out where she went on day 3, but he didn’t actually find her until day 4. then he decided to give her just one extra day once he saw where she was and that she was safe. That is why he “wasted time” in the city. He found her and decided to let her finish out her adventure, confident that he’ll be able to get her the next day. He left the city as soon as she fell asleep that first night after speaking to him in the belltower.

So yes sweet girl did her absolute best and to be entirely honest, if she had kept going and been weathered enough to match Din’s sleeplessness and constant movement, AND keep up her clever little tricks to disappear, she would’ve been able to evade him for quite awhile longer. But she says before she even gets to the temple that she’s not good at running, it’s not who she is, and if he finds her there then that’s okay. There was like... no pity aspect to it or ANYTHING, it was a choice they both made for each other so yeah🥺🥺

[iwasbored777]

Hey can I just ask u smthg since ur the one of the only.... positive.... reader of the bible(ml) I know lol

I saw a post abt mocking ppl abt the love square saying how bad the season is and that the end will be very disappointing blah blah blah u know usual stuff

I just... this rlly set me off cause I've not been very excited with the start of the season cause of the bible being leaked and a lot of ppl who read it saying that the season was going to be bad. Everytime I go see some legal spoilers and teasers I see ppl making memes and analysis, stuff that dont have a fcking read below tag or even a warning at the start that it's a bible leak and everytime I think it's just some headcanon its fcking real and I am so disappointed.

Like I haven't watched multiplication and destruction and don't even think on doing it anytime soon cause that's how low my interest dropped from accidentally seeing SO MANY leaked images and text posts saying that ml season 5 will truly be trash

I dont wanna look into anymore of those spoilers it's rlly not safe even in this site so I just wanna ask if u think this season is as bad as ppl say it?

HOLD TF UP YOU WHO ALWAYS COMMENT ON MY PURPLE JOKES DID NOT WATCH MULTIPLICATION AND DESTRUCTION HONEY NOT ONLY THEY HAVE IKARIMOTH BUT ALSO THESE EPS WERE AMAZING I LOVED THEM SO MUCH SSKKSKSKSKSSKJSKSJSJSJSJKS THEY ACTUALLY BRING ME LIFE ADRIENETTE IS EVERYTHING LADYNOIR TOO IN THESE EPS ALSO LOL GABE IS SLUTTY JUST AS I THOUGHT 😭😭😭😭

But I understand you completely this show goes from 0 to 100 and the other way around ALL THE TIME. One episode is amazing and the next one is crap and so on. I hated the bible so much and I still hate so many decisions the writers made and I'm really not sure how things will end but I idk I thought quitting the show will help me but I'm too attached to it and my friends here and the truth is I can't just leave. I loved Destruction. I wanted to leave not because I was disappointed in the previous episodes - the season 4 finale was awesome and so was Evolution and Multiplication - but the spoilers got worse and worse. The more I read about them the more I hated them and nothing here was making me want to stay. The fandom sucks too but man there are some of my friends here whom I would sell my soul to the devil for so I can see them again every day. If you want to quit I fully understand and I don't judge you. I quit like three times now and every time I find excuse to come back. ML is addictive. If you need a break take it. We will get a lot of episodes now and when/if you come back you will have a lot of stuff to watch. Breaks help a lot. I felt so good when I didn't interact with the fandom for a while.

But just in case maybe you want to read the bible? And I will share the link for it and I can't say it will change your mind but I just think you should watch Multiplication and Destruction cuz I haven't met a person yet who was deeply disappointed by these episodes. I personally thought they were great. I wish every episode was this interesting and funny and I know this season will disappoint with some episodes too but that's how we roll. I will probably take more breaks again sometime when I decide. I understand and support you whatever you decide. You do what you want.

[annadier]

Domniţă {Part 3}

Summary: The Winter Soldier was hired to protect you, guard you, risk his life for you. You are important. Your family is important. You become intrigued by the blue-eyed stoic man who stands by your side, and something brews between the two of you. Set during the Cold War. Winter Soldier!Bucky Pairing: Bucky x Reader Word count: 1178

Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 |

“Are you okay?” He asked you. It felt strange to hear his voice muffled by the mask he wore. You almost did not reply. Then you looked into his eyes, steel blue, and saw real emotion in them. Concern. Fear. To think once upon a time you had theorised that he was a robot with how reserved he normally is.

“Yeah.” The word left your mouth infused with shakiness. You tried to calm down your heart, but it was still racing from the attack. He noticed. Of course, he did. He walked over to you, carefully kneeling to pick you up. Your back ached from being pushed into the ground. The cry you let out when he lifted you off the ground told him as much.

“Can you walk?” He asked you. You barely heard him, focusing on the three men on the ground unmoving. “Y/N!” He said a bit more emphatically, grabbing your attention.

You snapped your head back to him, looking at him. Concern. Fear. Worry. “Can you walk?” He asked again. Slowly, you nodded a ‘yes’ and let him hesitantly lower you.

Instinctively, you rubbed your wrists where they had grabbed you tightly. It stung. You let out a hiss without realising and The Soldier was onto you instantly. He grabbed your hands, inspecting them carefully. Fear was gone from his eyes now. Anger replaced it. Anger. Concern. Worry. You caught him glance over at the thugs. “I’m fine.” You said softly. “Just bruised.”

He didn’t say anything to you now. He simply stepped back to call your father, talking in hushed muffled tones, informing him of your safety and that the situation had been dealt with. You focused on the thugs, taking careful steps around them, just out of reach if one miraculously woke up.

The call was made. More men arrived and took the thugs away. “Are they dead?” You asked him.

There were people around. You honestly were not expecting a response, that was not his normal. You had no idea why you had asked him in the first place, but you were in shock, you would later argue with yourself. And yet... he replied. “No. Your father will want to question them.” He said it so bitterly, as if he had wanted to kill them. That scared you.

Logically, you knew that a bodyguard’s job is to protect you. That involves killing people. He had literally killed to protect you the first time you had ever met him. And yet. This time, his desire to kill felt less like a professional obligation. He drove you back home, taking someone’s car. You were not sure whose but it had to have belonged to your father’s men. The drive was silent, the only sound that registered was when the hum of the engine cut abruptly as he got out to open your door. He never spoke unless spoken to, and you had nothing to say. This was your own fault. You had sneaked out without anyone. You knew it could have been dangerous – and oh Lord, how it was! – everything about this was on you.

“I’m sorry.”

Two words broke the silence as you walked to your room. You did not say anything. So, he must have. But why would he be apologising? You stared at him in confusion. This time, he didn’t stand outside the door, like a dutiful statue. He walked right in with you, closed the door and sat beside you.

“I should have been there. That was my job.” He sounded pained and mournful. It hurt you to think that this was probably the most human you had seen him look in two years. Whoever he truly was, It was beginning to peak through. "I'm sorry."

“No, no.” You denied. “I ran outside. I knew what I was doing.” No you did not! You argued with yourself. If you knew what you were doing, you would not have needed to be saved by him!

“I should have noticed sooner. I should have been there to protect you!” His voice raised, almost in panic. A thought filled your mind: what would have happened if he had not arrived when he did?

Tears welled up in your eyes. How could you have been so foolish? “We’re they going to kill me?” You asked him in a voice that could barely constitute as a whisper. Your lip trembled. He pulled you close. He did not answer your question. He did not know what they had planned for you, but he wished he could have killed them all the same.

He let you lie across his lap, and cry silently to let the fear out. He shushed you when you blamed yourself, he run his hands through your hair until you calmed down. Not for the first time, you we’re grateful he was there.

He watched you slowly ease into drowsiness as the adrenaline and fear faded away. He moved to stand up and lay you back in your bed but from where you were sitting now that he gently pushed you off of him, you grabbed onto his hand before he became out of reach.

“Stay?” You asked in a small voice. “I don’t want to be alone. Please?” He looked at the door with a concerned look. “I’ll say I needed you here to feel safe. I do, really. Please? Just…just tonight?”

“Okay.” He nodded without hesitancy. And really how could he deny that? Keeping you safe was his job, that was his mission.

You climbed under the covers and insisted he join you There was some hesitancy now. He insisted sitting on a chair next to you, What would happen if your father came in? Fear climbed back up your throat. Father. Thugs. You could have died? What if you had died, and this was a dream, a last minute of peace before the great beyond? He did not need to hear your thoughts to read you like an open book. When tears began to well, he gave in.

His body was warm. There was space on your large bed, but you found yourself drawn towards him. It was nice, but every time you closed your eyes, all you could see was the brutality of tonight. “Can you hold me?” You weren’t sure if he heard you, or if you had even really said it out loud but his arms wrapped around you, holding you close to his chest. It was almost like he needed the reassurance of your life. It was in this warmth that you finally found enough comfort to fall asleep. When you woke up the next morning, he was standing dutifully outside the door with his hands clasped behind his back. You barely missed the slight smile that peaked as you walked passed him before he drew his mask back up.

You would never know this, but that night, the Soldier had never slept. He forced himself awake incase a new threat came into the room while you were vulnerable - either enemies or your father.

Part 4

Comment and reboot your thoughts! I love reading them! Tag list is always open!

Domniţă taglist: @profoundtyrantharmony

All fics taglist: I’m so sorry if I missed someone, my taglist is a mess after such a long hiatus so please tell me if I need to change anything!

​ @shifutheshihtzu​ @buckyappreciationsociety-blog @blue1928 @lostinspace33 @movingonto-betterthings @assbutt-son-of-a-bitch @hollycornish @jaybird6232 @patyveneza @annie-are-u-ok @adellyhatter-blog @smile-sugar @danimuhle @daisy---queen13 @sammysgirl1997 @anbrax5553 @ladymelissastark @crownedloki @imgettingmarriedtobuckybarnes @buckybarnesbestbabe @nottheopera @beccaanne814 @mikaelsontrash @jbbuckybarnes @illuminationunknown @youandbucky @your-puddin-blog @oceanilserain @winterboobaerchen @fantasticimpaladoctor @seargantbcky @helloitsgrc @buckymorelikefuckmebarnes @buckyywiththegoodhair @creideamhgradochas @dont-let-me-go-again @lbouvet @sleepy-rad @yknott81 @cassiopeiassky @writemarvelousthings @morti13 ​ @nea90sweetie @nikkitia7 @gingerbatchwife @sapphire1727 ​ @amrita31199 @skeletoresinthebasement ​@melonberri ​@toastmaster94

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. im sorry but wasn't it said fairly early even hades knew persephone was a fertility goddess? like everyone knew she was as a goddess of spring so shes also was also fertility, thats why ppl questioned her being in the maidens (bc obvs fertility is mainly sex in this universe 😑) so i dont get why it was retconned its some big secret and some rare OP status? like it was not built up and was a p clear example of rachel just making stuff up as she goes.

2. truly glad for the anti lo posts bc if not the lo tag is literally nothing but bad edits and weird spam posts. yall are the only ones keeping the tags alive. where are the fans tho 💀

3. why is everyone a joke in this comic

From OP: No clue lol

4. You know what still baffles me: how Hades is literally both the lawyer and one of the judges in this court thing. Like? It doesn’t even make sense?? Not to mention the fact that so far all Hades has done is make terrible points and Zeus and Poseidon have barely talked at all. Like is this a proper court or not? Bc if Hades can become both the lawyer and the judge then the other two judges should also counterargument him. The whole act of wrath of Artemis and Apollo. Why did Hades bring it up? Why didn’t Zeus say that Artemis and Apollo were defending their mom and actually told Zeus about the aow? Persephone and her mom literally did everything they could to cover it up??? What’s even funnier is how Hades is making it seem like Persephone is getting in trial for the aow itself when that’s farther from the truth. It’s literally bc she conspired against the kingdom or whatever. Literally covered up a murder. Had she and her mom gone to Zeus and told him that she killed a bunch of mortals bc they killed her friends Zeus wouldn’t even care at all. This whole thing was so unnecessary and it’s getting dragged for so long it’s just annoying 

5. The way Rachel sexualizes Persephone on literally every occasion physically hurts me. Like what the hell is your problem??? She's not only 19 and naive(ughhh i'm so sick that she's written that way) but she also was r**ed NOT SO LONG AGO. LIKE LITERALLY 3 WEEKS AGO. AND YOU SEXUALIZE THE SH*T OUT OF HER ALREADY THO SHE'S NOT EVEN CLOSE TO HEALING AFTER HER TRAUMA. FU RACHEL

6. Seeing a LO stan call us 'misogynistic' because we only 'criticise the female characters' in the story is the funniest and dumbest shit i have ever read from the LO confession blog.

Maybe if RS didn't hate her female cast and didn't treat them more poorly then the male cast we wouldn't be discussing and pointing out so often how messed up and weird it is that she tore down their mythological character, their canon relationships, and passed off their symbols to her FL solely because none of them are allowed to stand out on their own without knocking her self-insert of a FL out from the spotlight.

Hell even her FL isn't safe from RS's horrible writing. Fact is, RS can't write for shit and has no respect for the goddesses (and gods) she's writing off of and we're just following on that lead in our comments. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

7. 182 is the worst chapter yet. Demeter who didn’t want her daughter dating a man her age that she doesn’t even like that much is framed as “abusive”. We already know Demeter doesn’t like Hades because hades even says all they do is argue, oh and comes to her farm piss drunk. Gee wonder why she doesn’t like the guy. She even tells Persephone she doesn’t trust the banks knowing hades owns them.

Persephone being mad her mom delt with him and then lying to her mom. The first chapters it seems that both characters don’t know each other then later they actually did meet and Persephone basically fell on him naked begging to bring souls back from the dead and leaves all embarrassed and calls that a genuine connection. Stfu, he was already very drunk. “Mom he’s not in love with me” y’all kissed how many times? He’s defending you to the depths of the earth even tho with his last gf he couldn’t even get his brother to remember her name and even thought about marrying her??! You’ve been living at his house?! Y’all talked about dates and asking about the fruit?! Persephone your mom wasn’t born yesterday! Idk I just hate how RS portrays Persephone being naive about hades with other characters. Persephone and hades kissed and then Persephone asks Minthe to help with her with her job and Minthe says something about the two of them dating and Persephone does “idk what you’re talking about but nothing is going on >:(“ stfu. Like you’re a sketchy entitled liar!

Hades, Hephaestus and Apollo exchanged. I’m guessing Hades found out then and not before about what Apollo has done but I thought he knew earlier with the quote “you’ve been terrorizing my wife for months!” I THOUGHT HE KNEW FROM THAT EXCHANGE! But no. Now I feel hades is possessive. Persephone told Apollo “we don’t talk about you” and she’s right we don’t see hades and p talk about Apollo, yet hades knows Apollo been terrorizing her. And then when he does find out he cracks a hotel.

Lastly Persephone “swipey thing”. Makes her sounds dumb, when we’re told over and over how smart she is. She’s been to a bank, she’s watched movies she knows what money is yet requests to be paid in diamonds. I swear RS just ruins her character. What is she other than a couple events, some one lines tied i a curvy baby bright pink highlighter. 

8. Lmao underage Persephone looks exactly the same (if not older) as present time Persephone. And on top of that, Rachel continues to sexualize her and the whole situation. Like in those panels in the newest episode where she talks to her mother about Hades being hella drunk, her dress looks like it's about to fall off her shoulders. And it's supposed to look like an ancient greek outfit? Does Rachel have any knowledge of what women wore at that time? 

9. Persephone's argument is so fucking stupid Jesus Christ. How does she think she made a "genuine connection" with a drunk man she met for 5 minutes max? Not only that, but they were both almost naked, Persephone was underage and she straight up just wanted to get info out of him about souls and how she could return them to the mortal realm. HOW does that count as a genuine connection? Rachel keeps forgetting her own story again and again.

Oh, and we're also supposed to hate Demeter for wanting to keep her underage daughter safe from drunk papa smurf. 😂

From OP for 8 & 9: Apparently, she was 19 when she met Hades. Doesn’t change much though.

-----FP Spoilers/Mention-----

10. (fastpass spoiler) bro the panel where persephone's like "i want the underground" has me crying like LMAOOO why she got t-rex arms💀💀 she looks like a $3.99 creepy ass baby doll

[hes-writer]

Reign (3)

Summary: harry sees something he's supposed to have

Warnings:  angst in the beginning, angst in the middle, angst near the end

Word Count: 4881 words

A/N: @devilinbetweenthesheet-s : dont cheat and don’t do drugs, kids

Tarnish (1)  .  Halo (2)  . Reign (3) . Trial (4) .

Errors (5) . Ruin (6) . Crumble (7)

Error Taglist

____

A writer that cannot write is dead.

When one loses the ability to tell their stories and anecdotes through the mere action of swirling words together to create an imaginable atmosphere of real-world fantasy; they are dead. A writer recovering from the mundane and mediocre way of penning experiences to bounce back into what they used to be is difficult. It is easier to free fall and drown in the depths of despair. The moment thoughts and rumination fog up to form a blurry image of conviction is a warning sign, blaring at the back of their minds and sometimes even in their faces.

Harry is a writer--or, he was. Picking up the pen to style the words lingering in his head used to be as easy as blinking; quick and natural. Now, the words claw at the swell of his throat, trying to spit an adjective to describe the way he felt. It was at the tip of his tongue, waiting to be lathed into existence. It did not matter if his cognition was mingled with various chemicals aimed to be able to feel happiness.

He was sober but he had trouble placing his finger on why it was so strenuous to narrate his feelings throughout the breakup. Being high or drunk was never the answer for him. Weed made him tired and made him have a case of cottonmouth. Harry learned from a young age that he should only ever engage with alcohol if he was in a mindset and setting that catered to increase existing good vibes. He thought that maybe he was in an odd phase of perceiving the opposite, and so he intoxicated himself enough to understand that it didn’t matter if he was soaked head-to-toe in sobriety or whizzed out of his mind by the amber liquid swirling in the glass in his hand. But that wasn’t the circumstance. It also didn’t matter if he was grasping his favourite pen to write--because it was comfortable--or tapping his calloused thumbs against his phone keypad. Hell, it didn’t make a difference when he sat down and prepared his typewriter to indulge in a headspace of vintage songwriting. Maybe that would help.

It didn’t.

He had stories to tell. Everything was laid out in misty overcast yet Harry’s great ideas morphed into gentle mistakes, harsh mistakes and discoveries that had him almost ripping his hair out of the roots of his scalp. When he felt the wave of his ocean-thoughts rise and peek where the sand shifted, his fingers were ready to move and discern for the eyes to see. But with each fritter, he couldn’t seem to get even two paragraphs in to decide that it was utter shit.

Harry was old enough to understand that slumping on the wet sand was a part of life. Sometimes picking up a fistful of grains and throwing them back to the sea was a great way to release frustration. But it seemed like this plunge of his ability to write was a hole of quicksand. He was trying his hardest to displace himself as swiftly as possible but it only made his scenario worse. The muddy sand clung unto his legs like sticky glue, heftier with each effort to leave. He wanted to move on. He wanted to forget everything that occurred in the past four years. Harry wanted to erase Y/N from his life because she wasn’t around anymore to bring those memories back to sparkly existence.

What he needed to do was nestle himself into a certain depth, calmly, in order to pull a limb out and ensure that his progress on the so-called ‘moving on’ did not have any drawbacks. Until then, he cannot possibly create songs that he was well-known for if he wasn’t patient enough.

He wanted so badly to tell his side of the story. Harry craved to think as clearly as he did when he told Y/N about his plan for their future. Admitting to his feelings was a hard route. Sure, he can be vulnerable but it took a great deal of convincing on his part to immerse himself in the deepest parts of his brain to understand why he felt the way he did. He usually had the means of songwriting to help him out but that obviously wasn’t working out that good for him.

___

Harry was packing the rest of Y/N’s things in boxes to be picked up later in the afternoon. He was annoyed at first at how she depended on him to fold her clothes properly instead of doing the bundle of the work herself. But he guessed that she didn’t want to be around him for longer than she had to. To be frank, he also did not want to indulge in what might turn into an argument if they spoke about the reason for their breakup. It was just a bit confusing because he had an urge to still want her around despite their less than likely situation.

Torture. If Harry had one chance to describe the way he felt right now; it was torture. With every nook of Y/N’s side of the closet emptying into brown, cardboard boxes--he physically how much she had integrated her life with his. How much space she took up in his life. How his clothes and her clothes were so interchanged between them that he couldn’t decide if the gray pull-over was actually his or hers. And in a moment of selfishness did he tuck it away for his safe-keeping despite seeing the tag imprinted on the inside; a shop that he hadn’t set foot in so it was a guarantee that it was hers.

Her scent embedded in the thin threads of each fabric wafted to his nose; each with a new wave of memories engulfing his senses as if each piece garnered a specific scent tailored to a specific event. Like her sunflower sundress--it smelled of fresh flowers as if the print was a scratch and sniff that released a fragrance. Or their DIY-ed tie-dye shirt of pastel blue and cotton candy pink. It was a matching piece made out of the cheap dye and a simple white tee but it was theirs. Things like these made Harry want to yell in frustration because every time he thought that he was completely over her-- Y/N appears out of visibly nowhere and towers over him.

Seeing her for the first time in days was a breath of relief. She looked fine. Glowing even, and Harry did not know what to make of it. As sadistic as it sounded, he was expecting dry-stained tears and a birds’ nest of hair trampling her head. Instead, Y/N was dressed for comfort in her baggy jeans and an even looser sweater covering her body. Her lips were drawn in a thin line, giving him a nod in greeting as he gestured to the boxes littering the floor.

Harry offered to help--it was the least he could do. And somehow, silence protruded from the tense atmosphere, begging to be cut by a knife yielded through their voices nipping at each others’ emotions.

“Let go of my damn hand,” Y/N stated, her hard stare could turn Harry into stone. He just wanted her to listen before she left.

He shook his head in denial of her request, tightening his grip further. “No. Listen to me, Y/N,”

“What do you possibly have to say that will change anything between us?”

And maybe it was her fault for assuming that he wanted to fix things. The sliver of hope thinly dressed behind closed lids enabled her to think that maybe he was going to say that he wanted to make things work again. That he had broken up with Camille and he realized what a stupid he had done throwing away everything they built up to for the past four years for an affair that couldn’t quench the thirst of his desire to have a family.

Harry sighed, a shadow of mischievous smirk painted on his lips. But maybe it was Y/N’s sight in deception because she could never see Harry as anything other than sweet and kind Harry incapable of hurting a fly.

“What? I don’t intend to. We’re broken. We’re beyond fixing,”

The hitch in her breath was as sharp as the stare he was searing her with. Forcing her to please understand that this would be their last conversation--if time and fate were on their side. “You’re not something I would take the time to handle,”

“Stop saying shit you don’t mean, Harry” Y/N rolled her eyes in annoyance. His macho act was barely an act and more like a stage curtain easily pushed with a flick of a wrist.

“Things I don’t mean?”

“You heard me,” She crossed her arms over his chest in defence, leaning against the closed trunk. “Say what you will but our love was real. Don’t make me seem like I’m crazy. Don’t tell me that I’m a mistake,” Her voice was filled with confidence because she knew the affection that Harry diffused.

The cradles of his palm at the small of her back when they had to walk past a crowd. The subtle graze of the back of his fingers caressing the bare skin of her arm. Kisses pressed to her temple as she read a novel and swirling fingertips twirling her hair. These were acts of love that happened nearly every day in their relationship. A routine that felt different if it wasn’t done to or with each other.

Exasperatedly, Harry felt the same itching crawling up his spine. His ego ballooning into a delicate size and one more word from Y/N’s lush lips would have him on his hands and knees, begging for her back.

“This, us, was a fuckin’ mistake,” Harry’s accent thunked heavily in her cochlea, practically spitting the words out of his mouth as if they were poisonous. Ringed fingers gesticulated the space between them to emphasize how much of a misunderstanding they truly were. “I should’ve known the second things went further than planned,”

Y/N felt her heart drop to her full stomach. The feeling so nauseating that she instinctively palmed her belly over the fabric to protect her little baby from his harsh words. Even though they weren’t directed towards anyone but Y/N. She didn’t think that their unborn child deserved scrutiny from their own father.

“You don’t mean that, Harry.”

Because how could he? Not when he emulated sincerity through his syrupy voice. Not when he spent hours loving on her tummy and spoke to it like he would if she were pregnant. Especially not when every kiss from him felt like a buzz of electricity coursing through her veins because he was the main distributor of her happiness.

Harry truly was an asshole for making her hope and wonder of what the future held when he was unsure himself. He did want a family. That was a statement in all its truthfulness. What he wasn’t sure about was if he wanted a family with Y/N. He could have a family; kids of his own in his own time. But Y/N didn’t have to necessarily be the mother. So was he besotted with the concept of family and marriage regardless of who it was with?

“But I do,”

The rain started drizzling in frequent spurts, planting a fat droplet on her cheek that could be argued as a tear escaping Y/N’s eye. It hurt a lot to hear that from him. The man of her dreams blatantly denying each sugary word because his plans had changed.

“You’re a goddamn mistake is what you are,’

“Why are you. . .saying all these things to me? Are you trying to hurt me?” The shakiness of Y/N’s tone had Harry swallowing his words down his strep throat.

He shook his head in disagreement, “No, I’m not. ‘M just tryna make you see my side. So you can understand,” His head dipped to the side, softening his tone yet stern as though he was speaking to a child.

And that was one of the reasons why Y/N didn’t believe his all-too stoic demeanour about her. Harry was great at making others see his side regardless of how much in the wrong he was.

So why was he struggling?

___

Needless to say, he wasn’t very respectful towards Y/N any other time afterwards. He had unblocked her number months after blocking it at one point and demanded answers that he didn’t have the right to know. In retrospect, Harry was embarrassed by the way he acted. He did cheat on her and suddenly he was a saint because she moved on quicker than he thought she would? Unbelievable.

In his defence, the night he became the drunk caller was the same night he fought with Camille about having children; having a family they can call their own. Ever since that discussion did Harry notice a dispatch in their relationship. It was like they were aware of a missing link that had disappeared in their connection, but neither one of them wanted to be the one to bring it up. Harry supposed that now that Camille knew what he wanted (and vice versa)--she was feeling the pressure of giving in to him. Don’t get him wrong, Harry absolutely wanted a family and he thought that Camille was the right partner to build it with. However, he couldn’t help the voice at the back of his mind slyly whispering that he had forced her to give him what he wanted for the sake of saving their failing relationship.

___

It had been two and a half years since he mildly and miserably accepted that his dream family was being erased like a pencil on paper.

The first year; Harry still clung to the obscure hope that Camille might change her mind of having kids. Many fights sprouted between the two of them concluding in them sleeping at different places for weeks on end until they eventually crawled back to each other like an invisible string. The second-year; Harry brought up the idea of adoption. It was a hard choice for him as he desperately wanted kids of his own. A boy that looked like him and his love or a little girl that smiled at him with deep dimples mirroring his own.

And Harry liked to think that he was just on the edge of convincing Camille to consider the option when his tour was scheduled a few months after. A new dealbreaker was that Harry wasn’t going to be around much to watch and nurture the little bub they might’ve adopted. It was a sudden intrusion to think about since Harry was good with kids. He knew that. That was why he had three godchildren of his own. But what hit him the most was how sure Camille sounded when she yelled at him about leaving for months at a time and returning for a bit, only to leave again. Now, Harry hadn’t considered that part. But surely he will be ready to choose between a family and his career, right? When the time comes, he thought.

___

It pained Harry to admit that his relationship with Camille was dwindling down the drain. The knowledge that there was no future--the one that Harry envisioned--for them was getting more and more real each passing day. 

A late-night grocery trip was one of the many examples that had Harry rethinking his actions for the past couple of years. It was the time period where night owls arose and barely any customers littered the aisles. Still, Harry made sure to keep his hoodie up to shield his face.

Camille had an early flight to Milan in just a few hours later that day and she wanted to purchase some things to bring with her; in case they weren’t available in the country. So here they were at three in the morning.

As Camille walked ahead of him in her sweatpants and a plain tee, Harry couldn’t help but let his eyes flicker to the clothing section to his right The first-floor space was decorated with pastel blues and pinks; a stroller was displayed with a price would not make a dent in Harry’s bank account.

“‘M just gonna grab somethin’ over here, Cam,” Harry muttered as he pointed a thumb behind him. She nodded, “Meet me at the produce? Need to get you some fruits,”

Harry felt guilt thudding his chest because although he was losing feelings he thought were written in stone, Camille appeared to care for him the same way she always had.

He walked to the brightly lit area, puffing his cheek as a cute onesie caught his eye, “You’re so golden” with the word ‘golden’ printed in a shiny, yellow glimmer. He smiled at the thought of baby angel cooing at him as he tickled her tummy. Harry passed by the shoes next, picking up a pair barely the size of his palm. His mind flashed back to a conversation with Y/N years ago,

___

“I’m just saying,” Y/N took a bite of a pickle she held on her left hand, “Baby shoes have no business being that expensive,”

Harry chuckled from his place across the counter, “Babies need shoes too, love,’

She grabbed her fork and stabbed a piece of strawberry from her bowl, “I didn’t say the don’t need shoes. For tiny things, they could at least be a bit cheaper,”

Harry watched as she munched on a pickle on her left and took a bite of a strawberry on the other. His tongue poked out in a gag at the odd combination, resorting in glare and a huff from Y/N.

“You should try it instead of judging me,’

“No, thank you. Watching you eat it is enough for me,’

___

Harry craned his head at each aisle, hoping to find Camille and to distract himself from the endless Y/N related thoughts that somehow returned to his brain. He needed his girlfriend to remind him that he cannot just knock on Y/N’s door and ask her about the baby she has. If he could hold them for a bit because his baby fever was through the roof.

Locating the produce section, Harry whistled mindlessly as he searched for a blonde head of hair, failing to notice that there was a basket in front of his feet. He had kicked it, jolting him out of his thoughts in a hurry.

A man with brown hair sporting an outfit similar to his (sweats and a hoodie), chuckled at him as Harry leaned down to retrieve the gray basket filled with a jar of pickles.

“Sorry man,” Harry muttered, holding the handles up for the man to carry.

“It’s alright, it happens,” The guy had not seen his face yet, too busy inspecting the carton of strawberries.

He decided to continue the conversation, “Strawberries and pickles? Odd combo, huh,” Harry was briefly reminded of Y/N’s obsession with the two rival products.

“Yeah, m’lady loves ‘em. Had a craving in the middle of the night. She’s in the car right now with our lil bubba,”

Harry’s heart fluttered at the mention of a baby. He needed to get his rails in check. He cannot keep having his heart bursting with adoration at the mere mention of a baby.

“I’m Connor,” He said, finally facing Harry after choosing the best carton.

“I'm--,”

“Harry!” Both men turned their heads towards Camille carrying a basket full fruits and green veggies, “Got you some stuff to blend for your smoothies,”

Connor squinted his eyes at the couple and Harry internally screamed because he knew that he and Camille had been recognized. “Harry. Yeah, I know you,” The sudden hostility made Harry confused as Connor grasped his basket from him in a harsh manner, heading towards the checkout.

The rest of the time inside the store was filled with curiosities as Harry carried the paper bags towards the car, barely recognizing Connor’s figure heading towards his own vehicle. Luckily, Harry has parked only a few slots away and could inconspicuously watch Connor and his so-called ‘lady’.

Except, Camille was ushering him to hurry up as she still had a few things to pack at home.

___

On most days, Harry was used to waking up alone. Used to feeling the shiver crawling up his side, used to seeing the indent left by Camille’s body instead of her. He had grown familiar with the sudden cast of loneliness blanketing him thicker than the duvet on top of his body.

The early morning trip to the store had tired him out, paired with the overthinking of the man named ‘Connor’ that flipped his attitude towards him quicker than he could kick the grey basket with his feet. He flopped back to the mattress after washing his face and brushing his teeth. It was noon when he jolted out of bed again at the sound of his front door opening, voices filling the empty space that had Harry running towards the foyer in case there was an intruder.

His tense shoulders sagged in relief when he caught sight of his mum and Gemma, “Oh, s’just you guys,”

Both women looked up at him at the top of the stairs, “You forgot we were coming over for the weekend, didn’t you?” Gemma teased as she headed to the living room. Harry followed, walking down the stairs.

He scratched the nape of his neck nervously, “No. . . “

“Can you help me reach this, H?” Anne called out from the kitchen.

His mum gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, “Yes, you did, by the way. Slept through the whole morning. Good thing Camille let us in before she left,”

At the sound of a bag crumpling and squeals echoing the hollow house, Harry scrunched his nose in curiosity, briskly walking where Gemm was currently holding up tiny baby clothes in front of her. “Who’s that for?” He thought of any possible friends that had had a baby recently but couldn’t recall any.

She immediately stuffed the clothing into the bag, nervously placing a hand on her chest, “Gosh, Harry, you scared me,” Her brows went high on her forehead in alarm, sharing a look with her mum trailing behind Harry.

“Well? Did I miss something?”

“Oh, it’s for one of my friends,”

Harry contemplated on his next words, “D-did you know that Y/N had a baby?” It couldn’t be right if his sister and mum knew about his exes baby and not him, right? That’s just plain odd to still be in touch with an ex's family. His brows furrowed in suspicion as both of them declined his question.

“What? Nooo,”

Awkward silence filtered through the air as Anne sipped water from her mug and Harry was slowly putting the pieces together. Gemme dove to the centre of the couch where her phone was when it rang suddenly, surprising all three of them. Harry was quicker, eyeing his mum and sister and inspecting the emoji substituting as a name before sliding his thumb to answer it.

"Hey, Gems! Are you coming to the park? We're waiting for you,”

Harry felt his heart drop to his stomach just as the phone nearly slipped from his clutch. That voice. He could recognize it from everywhere having spent nearly every morning for the four years that they were together hearing it lulling him out of sleep. It was Y/N’s voice calling his sister who was looking extremely anxious.

He tapped on the ‘mute’ button, “What does she mean ‘we’?”

“Nothing! Give me my phone back,” Gemma tried to reach for the device but Harry held it high beyond her reach.

“I saw the picture you sent me. I told you that you and Anne didn’t have to get me anything,” Harry felt dizzy. “Connor and I got some things a few weeks ago. But that skirt is so adorable!”

One part of him was glad to hear her voice. In fact, Harry found himself smiling too, despite what he just heard. Connor. “Harry, won’t be there right? Hello? Have I been talking to myself this whole time,” Y/N laughed a little; she had a habit of talking endlessly when she was excited. It made Harry more sombre, letting his guards down and his arm in reach for Gemma to grasp.

“Hey! I'm just organizing the clothes, see you soon!" Gemma jammed her finger on the red end call, anxiously glancing at her brother, piecing everything together.

“Who's Connor?" Could it be that the Connor he met last night was the same as Y/N’s? The one who bought pickles and strawberries--one of Y/N favourite food combinations? He mentioned that he had a little girl and Y/N just called to meet his sister and his mum at the park. And baby clothes?

Anne and Gemma looked at each other, quickly deciding that for the benefit of Harry that they should tell him at least a little bit. He was looking as if he was going insane, especially with his bed head pointing his hair out in different directions.

“He’s Y/N’s partner”

Harry gulped, reeling his thoughts to a halt, “Partner? And the baby is...?” The last bit of confirmation was all he needed to lash his feelings out.

“Is... waiting for us at the park! Sorry H gotta go,” Gemma was swift enough to gather all the bags without having Harry chase after her. His state of confusion and shock was enough to render him partially speechless and immobile.

“Hey wait!”

Anne garnered his attention, “Oh, Mrs. Q from next door wants me over for dinner. I’m sure wants to see us both. Why don’t you get ready, Harry?” Anne tugged his arm in the direction of the staircase pushing him to stumble up a couple of steps.

Harry was confused. He made the sounds of his footsteps creeping up the wooden stairs, hearing his mum quietly talking to Gemma on the phone, “Elmsway Park, you said? How long till you're home? I’m not sure how long I can keep him occupied,”

With that being said, Harry was out of his house, silently unlocking and locking the door. He was dressed in some basketball shorts and a graphic tee, slipping on the first pair of sneakers he had tossed aside. Harry jogged to his car, typing in the name of the park on his phones’ GPS. The route was only a few minutes away so he decided to take his time, gathering his scattered thoughts along the way.

He parked just beside the playground scouting the trees around the premises. Harry decided that it was the perfect day. The sun was out. It wasn’t too humid and the birds were chirping on the branches. He could see why the playground was full of children running around in delight. The green patches of grass were partially filled with picnic blankets and food to be shared. Families laughed with each other as one in particular caught his eye.

It made him smile at first, seeing just how adorable the couple was with their baby. He exited the car, making sure to lock the vehicle. With his hands jammed deep in the pockets of his shorts, Harry could feel the tethered grass rubbing against his legs. As he got closer, he couldn’t help the twinge of familiarity spark in his chest, recognizing that what he was staring at was Connor playfully chasing a little girl of about two-years-old as she squealed at how close he was getting to tagging her.

Harry stood by a tree, shielding him away from view. He tried to appear invisible without seeming too creepy. He knew that it was only a matter of seconds before his eyes found the woman he had been missing, whether he wanted to admit it or not.

Connor picked up the little girl in his arms, dotting pecks all over the girls’ cheeks, causing her to giggle and push his face away with a tiny palm. And there she was standing outside the raised platform of the playground, coming up to the both of them with a juice box in hand to hydrate the little angel. Connor turned his attention to Y/N, planting the most adoring kiss on her lips that made her smile so wide and the baby cover her eyes. They laughed together, looking like a picture-perfect family.

Gemma sat on the bench, flickering her gaze to the precious family in front of her and to the figure of her brother walking away from the scene. Her heart broke for Harry, and it cracked, even more, when he turned back. This time, watching Connor and Y/N cheer on baby angel to go down the slide. Both of them clapped their hands in enthusiasm as the girl hesitantly slid down the plastic slide. The smile on her face was infectious.

It almost made Harry smile, too.

___

Let us know what you thought!

Trial aka pt 4 is already up on Patreon! (link in bio)

___

Permanent Taglist: @splendidsunsetx @swagmoneymaya @textingharry @arypesanchez @theresthingsthatwellneverknow @mellamolayla

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Day In The Sun

Masterlist

Henry and you have a serious discussion about your relationship and then have some fun in the garden!

Warnings: Adult situations +18, Smut, Oral (fem receiving), forced orgasms, Overstimulation, Toys, Waterplay (hose/water stream/pool), Daddy kink, mentions of age play, Semipublic sex, Anxiety, Panic attacks.

A/N: so here is a smut piece, I wanted to have the serious break down and realistic talk about their change in relationship that has taken ages to write, I just wanted it to be right this fic is supposed to be about them going from a vanilla relationship to a ddlg/bdsm relationship tho she is a little some of these will be more bondage and s/m to any way just wanted to clear things up lol... Sorry about it being so long tho...and taking so long guys i got side track once again this is long...like even for me like 12000+ words I do hope you enjoy it xx

Taglist: @two-unbeatable-beaters​ @thatgirly81​ @angelofthorr @iloveyouyen​ @viking-raider​ (tagging people I think will like if you don’t want to be let me know xx)

Day In The Sun

It was a few days after your first real spanking and Henry had tip toed around you a little bit. And it was nothing to do with you...Well it was.... It was complicated, you hadn't said anything to him about the whole thing, but he had noticed you fall a few times. Not physically but mentally you now had a deeper grasp on your little, you noticed when you were falling into little space and that was when you'd withdraw into yourself immediately stopping hat ever you were doing in that moment and going off to another part of the house quietly.

He could see you were uneasy with it, going so far as to hide away your lama teddy that has sat one your bed since day one!. He had also noticed some toys from the blanket box turned adult toy box in the closet go missing, he wasn't angry as such more concerned you had been very jumpy around him. You were confused at least he hoped it was confusion not fear either way he felt guilty things had been progressing nicely before. He'd managed to give tiny nudges encouraging you to do the things that made you younger like playing your games and doing your 'adult' coloring or reading to you at night to wind down these were just to name a few each slowly eased you in to little space almost trying to drip feed it into your relationship. He was also managing to make small changes unnoticed by you. Nothing major just cutting down your coffee intake and swapping it for juice instead the same with snacks keeping more fruit and less crap around.

He knew you still firmly believed that this whole ddlg thing was a kink for the bedroom and should be left at that but he also knew that you desperately wanted it to be more you just couldn't voice it yet, so he did these things for you that way he could supervise you then scoop you out of it when he thought you were going to freak out and have a proper sub drop, which you wasn't ready for by any means. But the whole ordeal of spanking and being fully aware of your little side had shaken you you were alert and it made it harder for Henry to continue his safe and gentle method of introducing the dynamic.

He had decided to let you mull things over for a few days and acted seemingly normal trying to show you that things hadn't changed as drastically as you feared. But he knew sooner or later you was going to fall and everything would hit you and he had to be ready, he as your dom had to be able to pick you up and help you back together.

He sighed from the kitchen as he wiped the counter top down seeing it happen again right before his eyes, you had been happily doodling in your journal nibbling on your right thumb your phone connected to the speaker in the living room singing and jigging along to your new album k-12 by Melanie Martinez totally in your element voice slightly higher an indicator of you in little space once again but knowingly and completely at ease then everything stopped. He looked up quickly as you stopped singing you'd frozen at the coffee table ,just stopped freezing seeming to realize that you'd been in little space and quickly scrabbling to your phone disconnecting it and putting it down beside you.

You looked down at your page and panicked slamming the boom shut and curled up bringing your knees to your chest and rested your head in them. Your shoulders shook and he could hear the sobs and quiet whispers as you...Scolded yourself? He could hear it as clear as day you berating yourself, the harsh whispers of freak and someone being disgusted? He truly hoped you hadn't convinced yourself he was disgusted with you, far from it he was thrilled to have his little subby!

He paused this was new, he took a few seconds to study you as you started breathing heavy then holding your breath for what felt like minutes at a time but was only seconds. Panicking,  you was one breath away from what sounded like a very bad panic attack. Once he was certain you were truly falling to pieces in front of him and needed him to step in he moved.

Quickly and quietly he rounded the counter sitting on the sofa behind you and hoisted you up taking a firm hold of your underarms plucking you up from the floor. You fought him trying to wriggle from his grip not wanting him to see you in this state, but Henry being the huge man he was subdued you skillfully. He uncurled you sitting you on his lap legs bent either side of his waist straddling him leaning on his chest you sobbed quietly.

"I'm so-sorry I d-dont...I-I'm just re-really sor-rry!" He hushed you rocking you slowly as you wept into his chest.

"Oh babygirl what's the matter? what are you sorry for? daddy was here and I didn't see you do anything?" You cried harder at his words feeling ashamed. It washed over you like a huge wave of guilt, nasty whispers in your head repeating over and over how this was wrong, what you wanted was sick and wrong and he would leave if you didn't change lockdown or not. You pulled back aghast at him and shoom your head.

"NO! THATS-WE CAN'T I can't...I have to stop it..stop all this!" You took a deep breath worry anxiety and panic making you flustered as you wriggled again fighting his hold on you, you wanted to run, to lock yourself in the bathroom until this passed but he wasn't letting you go anywhere not until all this was sorted out.

Your words sunk in quickly, cutting at him a little you didn't want this? To be in that sort of relationship with him? He hadn't forced you had he? Hurt you? He licked his lip in apprehension dreading what was going to come of this. Had he read your signals wrong? ignored your true feelings for his own benefit? You struggled again pressing your knees down to bounce off of him, he moved quickly one hand on your waist pressing down holding you right where you was.

"Whoa whoa there little bit....what's the matter? I know gave you time to settle but baby please tell me you haven't let your mind run away with you? Have you? Whats going on love talk to me please"

You looked up and stopped fighting him as he said that, he was worried and anxious you could tell. You swallowed looking at him sadly seeing how upset you'd made him. Sighing you tried looking away but Henry stopped you cupping your face gently you closed your eyes pressing into him.

You'd missed this these past few days, it was your own fault. You were scared, you’d avoided him not wanting to cling to him or risk becoming..whatever it was...A little?. It was hard you were scared and confused and you'd become so used to going to him and letting out all your fears he was your rock. But you just felt this was something you had to sort out alone. So you shut yourself off from him when all you really wanted to do was curl up in his lap and cry.

The whole spanking thing had been fine...You supposed it had been what you wanted the secret need to be corrected,but it was after you'd sucked of a fucking paci! And cuddled your teddy in front of your supersexy boyfriend! How the fuck can he be okay with that? Calling him daddy was one thing but to let yourself be soo deep into... Whatever that was and enjoy it? Was it bad? You wanted more of it, more of him coddling you and looking after you and protecting you, you'd loved how small you'd felt with him afterwards,  how things just clicked between you both but it was supposed to be a kink not a lifestyle wasn't it?...It was to much to ask you should just be happy with your arrangement in the bedroom.

You want to be honest with him you really do but how could you tell him that? You couldn't tell him what you really wanted!...That in some strange fucked up way him treating you like a little girl-baby was something you'd never experienced before but it felt right! You felt safe and reassured like nothing could touch you and nothing else mattered...That you'd been online and saw how other little’s and babygirl’s were treated by their daddies and you wanted to try that. No you wont push your luck not with Henry! you wont risk loosing him so you were going to stamp it out! Destroy it before it destroys your relationship.

You were pulled from your thoughts by Henry running his hand from your jaw to the back of your neck pulling you close cradling you softly humming as he rocked you. You melted into him as he drew patterns across your back.

"Sweet girl if you don't tell me how can I possibly help?...." you stayed quiet moving to rest the side of your face against him listening to his heart beat running one fingernail in small circles on his soft top. No you wont talk. You will just take these moments of being small like this and be satisfied. He sighed at your silence someone was definitely being a stubborn girl, he hummed trying to think of something he could do to get you to open up.

"Okay how about I tell you what I have noticed hmm? About what I think is going on then we can talk?" You blinked slowly sounded okay, he wont know so there’d be nothing to talk about. You nodded moving to rub your face into his soft t-shirt breathing in his scent.

"I think your frightened....frightened of your little and what I think....I think you have this silly idea that its bad, and what we do is bad...and I also think that your trying to stop it, trying to fight it..." you gasped how did he? NO! He wasn't supposed to know! You started trembling crying again softly into him. He huffed as you nodded into him again.

"H-howd you find o-out? I'm tr-trying to sto-op it I really am I-Im sorry please don't lea-leave I can Ignore it I swear!" He frowned stiffening under you.

"No baby no I don't want you to stop it or ignore it babygirl listen-" you whined interrupting him

"But its to-o much!...I want to much and I'm being sel-selfish and stupid and childish and the things that I want from us? from you! I saw on the internet  what I truly want! You'll leave me! I have to stop Henry!" What started as a small unsure statement became a broken sob and you thrust your face into him harder still bawling our eyes out in harsh body shaking sobs.

Henry took a moment shushing you, calming you down again as you sat there breaking into pieces. The one thing that stood out for him tho was that you didn't want to stop this new turn in your relationship, you felt like you had to. That for some silly reason you thought he was the one who was uncomfortable. He chuckled making you wince.

"Oh sweet pea is that whats been eating away at you? Come here my silly little baby." You hiccuped as he squished you to him tightly peppering your head with kisses.

"You think its wrong. That I will leave if we don't keep this as a bedroom thing correct?" You nodded to him feeling silly still wanting to run and hide, you might do just that you looked up quickly looking around avoiding his gaze and moved trying to untangle yourself from him. He sat there holding you, an unmovable force running his hands across you in slow soothing patterns, he knew what to do it wasn't the first panicking sub he'd had to talk down.

"Hey no..No hiding love look at me...That’s right good girl....Now lets get something straight right here little bit...I love you...I love you for who you are and nothing will ever ever change that... You don't have to change a damn thing. I want this probably more then you." You snapped your eyes to his. What? You whined shaking your head and stopped. He looked sincere? And serious had he meant it? You slowly swallowed and calmed letting his words sink in.

"Deep breaths come on babygirl.....See that’s it isn't that better?....There she is my brave girl~ your shocked huh? Don’t be I told you when I first caught you in our bed I have always wanted my own baby girl to cuddle watch over and look after in every sense, the idea of you needing no. Wanting and trusting me to look after you in the most basic of ways it satisfies something inside of me like...I can't even describe...I want to be your daddy all the time I want to help you with everything, to be care giver to you and your little side." You flushed twiddling your thumbs staring down a them nervously.

"B-but you don't understand...I enjoyed sucking on that that.." you blushed red unable to even say the word out loud.

"No no look at daddy..That’s it good girl, I know you did I was there you know~ and I didn't mind, I loved seeing you let yourself just be content and comfortable with yourself...Sweet pea I'm sorry to say this but you are a little...And a complicated one at that! You swing through ages like I've never seen before, but you always have and I've known from day one...But it wasn't until I found you the other week that I realized on some level you knew to..You crave a daddy, and not just to be spanked and fucked like a run of the mill kink you want something more, you want someone to make the bigger decisions someone you can come to who loves you and will always be firm and fair...You want a dom and a full time no holds bar daddy dom. And I want someone who needs that, who wont see me as an overzealous control freak when I take the reigns, who won't get police involved if she ends up having an unwilling trip over my knee. My need to take care of you is just as ingrained into me as your need to be all cute and small is in you. You are my little, my cute subby and I’m your daddy, caregiver and dom, we have be doing this for pretty much our whole relationship you've only just realized what it is baby" You smiled at him coming around to the idea..

He did make sense you loved how even before all this he would as you put it 'step up' and sometimes put his foot down out right refusing to let you do something stupid now you saw why it effected you so much, the little rush of warmth that melted in your chest when he would take charge.

"A-and my little? I don't know really what it...She is?...And what do you mean ages I dont get that.." He smiled

"She is you baby, you are little all the time really but you have a little space that you fall into your just more aware now is all, you've always done it. And as for ages, some little’s settle on a particular age range you...Well you do and you don't... your normal everyday self is technically a middle a sassy funny little preteen but when certain things happen or the mood strikes you ,you begin to go younger...Like the other day in your spanking made you fall right down through age ranges and crashed into a proper babygirl. I did have an suspicion that would happen its why I had your paci and lama there just incase. And before you say anything I don’t mind I adore it! Your already half way there right now! which I’m afraid you need to pull yourself out of as we are about to have a very important big girl talk." You flushed you kind of guessed that, you took a deep breath.

"Then stop rubbing my back..Not helping!" He laughed pulling back twisting you to side sideways on his lap letting you lean on him instead.

"I'm sorry love there how about that better?" You nodded

"Okay what do we need to talk about?" He gave you a soft smile.

"Well now we have established that we both consent and want to do this, we need to have boundaries...Guidelines so we know what works for us and what doesn't" you nodded at his it made sense.

"So what is it you wanted from me Babygirl? You said earlier you wanted more..and you looked online, I wish you'd waited for me love there is some scary stuff online" you hummed going red again. How were you gonna put this? Now was the time to be honest.

"I-I liked err after when you was erm rocking me...With my teddy and the...You know-" he chuckled

"Your paci?" You nodded quickly trying to brush off what he had said.

"Yeah that..I don't know if...I mean if you wanted to try more of that stuff?" He smiled bright at you.

"You mean you want to explore you babygirl side? With bottles and sippy’s letting you go deep into your little space? Absolutely baby girl! Next." You blinked he had agreed just like that?

"And..Maybe rules...I read online little’s get rules and chores and stuff." He froze so you had been online looking for information about proper safe ageplay.

"...Okay nugget...From now on we agree here and now..I am your Daddy dom and you are my little subby, you will have rules and chores and a good girl chart, but you will also have consequences for naughty behavior time outs, loss of privileges and spankings on the worst offenses...But and this is a big but so listen close...I will not have sex with you if you fall into your babygirl headspace and I will not tolerate you being brat just to get spankings okay? If you try that then you wont like the outcome...We can try everything once and if is doesn't work for the both of us then we wont do it again...Does that sound fair?" You thought about it and nodded but spoke out loud.

"Why would I want a spanking tho...It hurt bad...My bottom is still bruised..And is baby girl different from my little I don't get it" he smirked rubbing his palms down your thighs.

"Well your bottom is still sore because you were a very naughty girl and I had to use my slipper. Not all spankings are bad girl spankings, sometimes they can be fun and very very pleasant if I decide they should be~. And each person has there own take on little space's for me if your little which quite frankly you dip in and out of all the time then I find it okay to be intimate but after a certain Point...No I don't think its okay if your to far gone to young then I wont be intimate with you in that sense." You blinked nodding slowly

"So if I am really small we wont.. but if I'm like now then we can?" He grinned nodding.

"Yes exactly we will have small hiccups but we will always always talk things through just like we are now... In a moment we will write down your rules and your hard limits; things you never want to try even once and then get a list of chores, after they are written you can spend the rest of the day making them into pretty posters" you faltered poster? He rolled his eyes

"We will hang them up in the gym where no one but us will see and I want you to get your lama out of the box in the closet and place him back on our bed where he belongs and put the toys back in our box..Don’t think I haven’t noticed things going walkies missy" You nodded shyly at him as his tone changed into disapproving scold he rasies an eyebrow.

"Use your words baby"

"Yes..Daddy" he beamed at you leaning in giving you a big kiss

"Good girl and that is your first rule right there in the house you call me daddy unless you want to have a very serious one on one talk, and it is not an excuse to get out of trouble either you call me by my name to try and wriggle out of a punishment I will get out the strap which is much more painful then he slipper I can assure you...Three times with that then its the cane... any way enough about that nasty business lets go!" He said rising taking you with him placing you on his hip effortlessly making you squeak grabbing on to him tightly.

"Cane?! You have a cane since when?!" He moved patting your bottom.

"Since before we met and I have used them in the past in clubs but no I have never used this particular one on someone and I don't want to they are very very nasty and that will be the absolute last resort held back for only the naughtiest of things like re offending and putting yourself in a life threatening situation..Like driving home drunk or something similarly stupid ,dangerous and avoidable... now like I said enough of all that and you don't have to hold on so tight nugget I wont let you fall I promise" you took a breath and pressed yourself back into him hugging his neck burying your nose into his neck taking deep breaths. He froze as you whispered under your breath.

"I thought I was gonna loose you" he rubbed your back going upstairs to the office to get pens and paper."You'll never ever loose me baby"

It was one week later when you found yourself running down the stairs at full speed, it was going to be hot today, really hot and Henry had mentioned that if you were good he would get the paddling pool and garden recliners out for the day. You were excited your favorite thing in the summer was floating in the small pool with Kal laying in the water beside you, the always you quickly moved through the hall and kitchen only for Henry to loop an arm around your middle as you tried running past him to the garden.

"Whoa! Where are you of to in such a hurry? On that thought what have I said about running in the house? Especially the kitchen?" He chuckled at your wide eyes and you pointed out to the garden.

"Sorry daddy I just i-its gonna be  hot...You said we can have the chairs and pool out....Didn't you mean it?" You tilted your head sweetly pouting at him he looked at you from the top of his eyes then sighed smiling. You squealed with joy knowing it meant yes, but before you could continue outside he pulled you too him with a firm hand.

"First things first love get something on your feet and stay in the shade until I find the sun cream you know how easy you burn...But yes we can get the pool out but only if you help me with the grass and tidy the garden first" you sighed pouting again he lowered his head to you mimicking you sticking out his bottom lip.

"Oh poor baby...I know you don't like it, but if we work together then it will be done faster and before its to hot that way we have the rest of the weekend to relax, I will get the pool out and fill it while I'm hosing down the patio...And for all your hard work we can have a takeaway tonight how does that sound?" You perked up at that. You were a sucker for a takeaway it had become one of your 'good girl' rewards since starting your new found d/s relationship dynamic, you and Henry had found a natural rhythm each falling into your roles comfortably,  you were finding it easier to be in your head space always seeming to have yourself in your little space at some degree. You'd both agreed on a set of rules ,chores and rewards. Punishment was really at Henry's discretion but your safe word was there to stop everything if things turned sour.

Currently you were waiting for some of your other... specialized things Henry had got a few things through the post in the week since your talk, a few cool gear water bottles for summer with the reusable ice inserts and stickers for you to decorate your lilac one, some new softer bedding and blankets for in the living room. Henry was adamant that when you had one of your moods you would be taking a nap apart from that he had ordered you some new clothes.

The things you were waiting for was the new pacifiers bottles and proper sippy cups. He found a store online that was just age play and had gone a bit mad...well you thought he had, he brought up almost one of every onesie on the site for starters! Then there was something you was apprehensive about... The nappies they were these strange reusable nappy like things. He said he wanted to be prepared in case of you going into that adult baby state which apparently you had gone into once or twice frankly you didn't remember. You'd nodded trusting him but couldn't help the tiny bit of anxiety over them but still you told yourself it isn't much different from your reusable pads you use on your monthly.

Smiling to him you nodded at him you'd agree to anything for a takeaway.

"Yeah okay!" You agreed instantly he let you go with a quick kiss making you smile, you moved to the door only for him to stop you again.

"HEY what did I just say baby? Go get your shoes first" seeing your face drop made him feel slightly guilty so he added a task, making you think you were doing something for him

"Could you grab mine as well love? Then we can go make a start" You stopped and shook your head laughing.

"Sorry Daddy got to excited I guess" you quickly moved back to the hall grabbing a pair of flip flops and sliding them on then grabbed his you moved to the kitchen giving him his. With a smile and called Kal who ran past you into the garden. You loved seeing him run and jump about on the grass rolling occasionally rubbing his face in it.

It was a simple garden flat and long, just outside the patio door as a large square morrocan mosaic tiled patio, at the moment it was grubby, but underneath that grime build up was a beautiful bright patio. The tiles were a vibrant blues oranges and terracotta colors broken up with brilliant white, the design was of intricate sun stars. Just left of the door was a new built in Barbecue he had it put in the end of last summer and you suspected Henry will spend a lot of time at this year. There was one long raised planter bed separating the two main areas that would soon hold an array of fruits and vegetables. Then there was a stretch of lawn with flower beds either side with one path on the right leading you from the patio to the shed at the very bottom. Either side was a 6ft fence and some of the taller plants on the property line helped keep the garden private. And being an end of terrace meant that you only had to worry about being overlooked on one side.

You hovered by the door in the shade as you’d been instructed to, you found listening to Henry was just...Simpler accepting his judgement was just part of the norm, it always had been to be fair ,but when you'd realized why you'd been so compliant with him you found yourself questioning him more fighting things and it had made you miserable. But now with your knew understanding things were back to normal you just had a better understanding of it all you basked in it. You still had a say in things and he would hear you out taking your thoughts into consideration  but ultimately he wore the trousers in the relationship and you were fine with that, you found a strange security in it.

Kal enjoyed the cooler air of the morning racing about on the grass and 'stamping' his feet  trying to get you to play with him. You laughed as he barked and pounced at you then leaned down wriggling his ass in the air.

"What's got into you bear?" He barked and stamped again at you

"Oh! Did you here daddy say pool? Is that what it is you want? to play in the water today moosh?" He spun around barking happily then tore off doing laps around the grass. You jumped when Henry placed a warm hand on your back.

"Well he seems excited for a day in the garden...here hold this and arms up" you moved quickly taking the sun cream from him and spread your arms out. He winked opening the cap and letting you put some on his open palm. He moved slowly first dotting out the cream then moved massaging it in with slow firm strokes across your arms dragging his palms in slow rounds covering you in the white cream you closed your eyes as he moved from one side to the other then snapped your eyes as he moved to you chest gasping as a new blob of cold cream was smeared on your chest.

You blushed and held your breath as his hands moved lower into your new cute lilac and blue floral play suit he had ordered it was a spaghetti strap and straight button up with ties at the back to pull it in at your waist. He kept his eyes glued to his hands concentrating on the task smoothing the now warm cream into the tops of your breasts. This was heaven it had to be! you sighed you were getting hotter as he moved paying more attention to your breasts rolling his palms around on your nipples and pinched them lightly making you gasp when they stood at a full attention. You blushed as he plucked the pink buds once more making you shift your weight as heat pooled in your lower tummy, it seemed he was in a playful mood today.

"S-stop!" You fidgeted whimpering at him as he did it again this time pulling them a little twisting them in his fingers.

"Why babygirl you know I just can't help myself~" you moved pressing on his chest weakly.

"N-no not here! We're outside!" He chuckled kissing your neck as he moved behind you his velvet tone caressed your ear as he spoke moving slowly holding his hand below the tube of sun cream for you to add more to his palm.

"No undies today love? You wouldn't be trying to tease me now would you?" He chuckled when he saw your arm tremble slightly knowing full well what he has started

You flinched as the cool cream touched your back then shivered as he once again started rubbing it in using the opportunity to knead out any knots you might have around your shoulders, you went slack moaning softly as he moved lower and lower, coaxing the spaghetti straps down your arms so he could move to the curve of your back.

"Got a little to much that time might as well use it hey sweet pea?" You hummed closing your eyes as he moved running his warm palms back and forth across to your back and sides. He pulled away moving the straps back in place then walked around you and crouched taking the tube away from you and spread another lot on to his hands you moved back a little unsure what he was doing but he gave you a look.

"Ah ah here...That's it shh hold still it wont take long now" you stood still as he smirked up at you moving his hands lazily up across your calves rubbing once again making you melt under his gentle kneading movements. You trembled as he leaned in kissing the inside of your knees as he past them then moved teasingly across your thighs moving going from one to the other massaging front and back. You moaned grasping his shoulders leaning into him your pussy already excited from just his hands roaming and pressing into you. He chuckled when you rocked forward to him unable to help yourself as he made a slow ascent up each leg leaving soft kisses here and there. He continued past your shorts lifting the hem of your play suit making sure his fingers just grazed your bare lips and ass as he rocked them in a back and forth motion stroking you into a little frenzy as he went.

"Ah F-fuck please!" He smiled pressing a kiss to your tummy moving slightly faster "Now now language" you closed your eyes rocking into him lowering yourself to press against the side of his palm.

"S-sorry daddy ahh please" he looked up watching you bite your lip trying to hold back your moans as you wept onto his hand

"I should think so, you know I don't like you swearing even when we play" he moved over switching legs one final time making sure both sides got the same treatment and finally pulled away he smirked lazily up at you then winked. You flushed already feeling like jelly, he’d barely moved away and there was already a tiny damp patch forming on the crotch of your outfit.

"There we go all ready, now you wait here and let that soak in a bit while I get the lawnmower." You sulked as he got up leaving you with a sweet kiss on your cheek and turned making his way down the garden and tussling with kal on the way pushing at the playful Akita who was still running rings around the garden but was now aiming for Henry with each lap. You shook your head at them and leaned on the wall of the house watching him wrestle with the full shed.

After a full five minuets of swearing and grunting he emerged with the flymo and reel extension lead then disappeared only to reappear with your two garden loungers and matching small table. He motioned for you to come help get the folded chairs.

"Baby! Come put these down there would you?" You smiled running down the garden to him and collected them taking the plug from the extension lead to, you moved quickly placing the folded chairs against the wall. Then moved to plug in the extension lead into the exterior wall outlet.

"Its ready!" You called out to him

"Thank you love now go inside and get the air pump then make a start on cutting back the bay tree" you nodded and turned heading into the house hearing him start the mower. You quickly picked up Kals outside water bowl it needed a good clean. It took you a good fifteen minuets to find the airpump but as always it was in the last place you looked, the cupboard downstairs in the gym. You swear you could kill the man he can't just leave things be!. You placed it on the counter then moved to clean Kals bowl and filled it with fresh water adding a few ice cubes from the fridge to keep it cooler for longer.

Whilst there you also made you and Henry some squash you moved out to the back garden and almost dropped to the floor as your knees went weak. He was really pushing it today! He'd shed his t-shirt walking lengths back and forth still cutting the grass, you licked your lips rubbing your thighs clenching tight together as your pussy wept onto your poor cotton shorts making the already damp patch worse , you could see from here the sheen of sweat from the heat of the mid morning sun already on his broad back you took a second to admire him, the way his muscles rippled across his back and ribs as he moved quickly. He turned once her reached the end and smiled up at you chuckling shaking his head as he made his way towards you, you must have looked a sight, standing there quivering just holding yourself together. You snapped out of it and put Kals bowl down in the shade by the barbecue.

"Hey babe you okay there you look flushed?" He finished with a laugh when you frowned at him.

"Your teasing stoooopp!" He shook his head moving forward lifting the mower lid and removed the basket full of grass, he strutted past you emptying the it in the garden waste bin.

"Oh good you found the pump! I forgot to tell you I'd moved it" you rolled your eyes and thrust his drink to him.

"Here your a sweaty betty already don't need you passing out....Then I wont get my pool up." He took the glass placing it on the wall behind him.

"That all I'm good for? Putting up your pool? I’m wounded" He leaned in wrapping a damp arm around you making you squeal and try to get away.

"OH MY GOD NOOO STOOOP!" He laughed and held you tighter to him

"What's the problem? I thought you like cuddles?" You pouted up at him making him kiss you, you moaned loudly as he moved you to stand in front of him cupping your ass squeezing the two now healed cheeks then pulling them up pressing you to his front. Wow how the fuck are those jeans hiding that? You grunted at him and pressed harder to his erection he groaned bucking up into you trying to gain more friction. You both moved kissing one another deeper and more desperately tangling tongues in a fevered display then pulled back slowly needing to breath each of you taking huge gasping breaths. You moved up smoothing some of his curls from his face...He really wanted a haircut but the barbers were all still shut and you was not going to touch his glorious curls anytime soon...You like having more to pull.

"Your hot-"

"Thank you baby girl" you rolled your eyes at his cheesyness then looked to the lawn you pulled back patting his chest.

"To hot ...You go do the baytree in the shade and I will finish the grass...Afterall I have to earn my pizza" you giggled he smirked still reaching for you grasping your hips.

"Or you could earn your pizza right here~" you snorted when he moved in rubbing his erection on your ass. You batted him away giggling.

"Later daddy I want my pool" you whined he laughed in disbelief as you wriggled away from him picking up the discarded lawnmower  insert only to squeak as his palm connected with the underside of your ass leaving a light pink print.

"Heeeyy! I was being good!" You whined he just shrugged at you

"Daddy loves his baby's ass...And that play suit rides up perfectly, its to tempting I couldn't resist" You pouted rubbing the warm spot then plopped the basket back into the mower and flipped it on. There was only three maybe four lengths to do and it would be done. You quickly set about getting to work as Henry began giving the bay tree a good cut back, it didn't take either of you long to be done with your tasks and soon enough Henry was attaching the hose to the outside tap getting ready to hose down the patio.

"Babe go inside and get ready, there's a new swimdress in your top drawer" you smiled at him excited quickly scampered past him with Kal hot on your heels up into the bed room quickly slipping on a cute mermaid themed hell bunny swimdress grabbing your watermelon beach towel you ran back down into the garden you squealed as he moved aiming the cold water at you catching our tummy making you swear at him.

"Shit! Henry noo that’s to bloody cold!" He frowned at you then did it again this time holding it following you as you fled from the water...He didn't like you swearing and especially when you were swearing at him that was a definite no no, you spluttered and screamed at him holding your towel as he kept the water on you for a few seconds. Then moved it away washing the last of the water on the patio towards the drain. He sighed giving you a stern glance before  speaking

"Now that’s not very ladylike poppet, you know I don't appreciate that language and you know by now I prefer my other name around the house baby" had you not been so irritated you would have picked up on the steely undertone of his words and the threatening stance he took widening his legs and standing straighter, his jaw locked and eyebrow arched. His whole demeanor screaming 'just who do you think your talking to little girl?'... ‘

But as luck would have it you didn't notice any of these warning signs, you were to wrapped up in your paddy and instead growled at him and stomped your foot flicking back your sopping hair with a loud wet slap falling head first into one of your brat fits.

"Fuck lady like Henry! That’s freezing Jesus Christ its in the kitchen! And we are in the garden not in the house so Henry is fine! Fucking hell! you got my towel wet!! Loooooookkk!" You threw your now soaking towel on the floor at his feet with a harsh slap but faltered when you moved your gaze up to his.

You swallowed noticing your mistake to late. He stopped the hose and gave you a look,  definitely unimpressed with the tantrum you just threw,you took a step back as he moved picking up the towel.

"Henry? Im soRRYY!" quickly with out any hesitation he spun and flicked it faster the you could dodge snapping the end right at your leg making you yelp and jump back out of reach one hit was enough. He pointed at you in warning then through the towel at you

"That was your first and second warning one more and you won't be spending the afternoon in the pool instead you'll be weeding the garden with a sore ass you understand me?" You couldn't help the way his stern voice affected your already  dripping center that had wetted the gusset of your cozy, you nodded to him guilt washing over you as he continued with a furrowed brow.

"Today is supposed to be a nice relaxing day in the sun and I will be very upset if you act up and ruin it" you looked to our feet upset as he scolded you.

"If you go put that on the washing line now it will be dry by the time you've been in The pool...  That's if you change the attitude if not then we can go inside and you wont be having it out clear?" You gasped at him catching the towel with a meek look.

"Hen-daddy please!"

"Enough Are we clear little girl?" You nodded at him solemnly

"Words" you gasped flushing looking around praying the neighbor's wouldn't hear, he stood giving you an even look whining you shook your head motioning to being outside not in the safety of the house he simply watched you and made to take a step towards you. Jumping unsure of what he had planned you fumbled over your words quickly.

"Y-yes daddy.. I'm sorry daddy" he smiled at you nodding then motioned for you to walk to the rotary washing line, you did pegging up the towel pouting then turned to him.

"Enough pouting that bottom lip better be away by the time I'm down there!" You quickly sucked it up as he moved the now folded lawnmower and made his way past you towards the shed to put it away. You watched nervously as he then heaved out the folded pool jumping you smiled rushing to hep him as he wrestled it through the door to the lawn he stopped dropping it then moved to you cupping your face smiling.

"There’s my little subby~ see no need to act up and spoil the day now go get the pump I have already plugged it in. You smiled kissing him then ran the length of the garden Kal joining you sprinting past like it was a race.

It wasn't long before the small pool was up and being filled so far it was half full, Henry had used the tap in the kitchen to fill it with warm water so it wouldn't be such a shock on your skin...Kal was already paddling in it slapping at the waters surface tongue lolled out he was a happy. You moved sitting on the floor beside him bending over the edge of the pool splashing him making him spin quickly before tearing off out of the pool and around the grass skimming the top of the pool as he flew back over into it splashing you back. You giggled turning slightly to see Henry oogling your ass from one of the loungers he had traded his jeans for some swimshorts that hung..low you could see the small trail of hair that you knew grew thicker just below the waist band. The loose shorts did nothing to cover he raging boner, at the sight of it you clenched violently pussy leaking on to your swimming cozy again, you shuddered. He hadn't notice you staring you smirked dipping down lower spreading your legs as you did, you arched forward showing off your ass the skirt of the swimming costume just covering you're covered ass leaving your mound on display and bent down over the inflated pool  moan provocatively as your arms dipped into the pleasantly cool water.

Henry watched as you bent over wriggling your ass side to side,the swimming costume riding up between your cheeks slightly before being covered by the skirt, he groaned he knew what you were doing, and he would definitely oblige tho you may find your self in...Hot water so to speak. Showing an incredible amount of restraint he waited he wanted to see just how much you wanted him. You moved lower spreading your legs and arched popping up you bottom moving it again trying to  entice him, he bit his lip. Fuck it. He got up entering the house he made his way to the cupboard under the stairs and pulled out your huge round lemon covered picnic blanket with tassels, it was super soft microfiber. finally he moved to get your towel that was used for your playtime to soak up any... mess he smirked forming a plan in his head. He would have to be careful not to be seen but heard? He didn't give a fuck if the neighbor's heard you! atleast then they had something decent to listen to rather then their dodgy seventies summer playlist that has never had a song added to it since the seventies. Before exiting the house he also ran upstairs into to toy box routing through untill he found what he was looking for.

A satisfyer traveler. Due to how much he had been spending in buying his arsenal of toys, he had a gift code sent through from bondara for fifty percent off it. It was compact and had a little magnetic lid to it to keep it clean. It did look weird it was effectively a hole with a raised rim to it... A small tube like tunnel about and inch long, deep inside at the bottom was a small soft plastic cover that moved like a plunger. It was designed to suckle on your clit it also vibrates at the same time, it had raving reviews. He had already tested it on his palm and was quite impressed it was a powerful little thing after a few minutes on the ninth out of eleven settings it had left a mark on his skin from sucking on it. It was in a way almost like a pussy pump but just for your clit. Or he hoped so it would be amazing if this little device could suck your little bud swollen, until one single swipe of his finger could send you into a mind shattering orgasm.

He made his way out of the house and back to the pool, you were still bent over laying your head on your crossed arms pouting. You must have noticed him go in, you hadn't noticed him come back out tho. He crept up beside you making you jump as he spoke in a deliberately deep voice knowing what it does to you.

"Babygirl would you stop bending over so much...Your cosy is going up and I don't want the neighbor's to see your cute little tush" he crouched down beside you sliding a finger below the fabric of the swimming costume at your ass and pulled it down with a sharp tug then followed the hem and ran it down between your legs to your front doing the same.

You gasped bucking forward in to the inflated pool as his hot finger traced from your ass to your cunt pulling the fabric, his knuckle skimmed your wet entrance making you jolt even more, now kneeling upright looking back at him blushing. "But how will they daddy? it has a skirt see?" He scoffed and wriggled up to kneel behind you his fingers moving higher probing for your clit then rubbed slow circles around it. You shivered throwing your head back against his collarbone gyrating your hips slowly against him gasping softly. He moved forward resting his chin on your shoulder checking the waterline...still another half hour or so to fill it...Then again it was quite big it had to fit you him, Kal and a few cans of beer inside...

"Oh sweetness? Whats this? You didn't have an accident did you?" You moaned cringing slightly at the thought and shook your head.

"N-no Daddy I didn't honest" he tutted moving his other hand slowly down the join his first this one rubbing from out side of your swimsuit running a single pad around your quivering hole. You arched but was stopped by the pool on your stomach pinning you to his frame, you had nowhere to move or turn to...

"Oh? Then whats all this hmm? Your all wet baby...whats going on Munchkin?" You whined as he pressed harder against you making you feel his erection, his bare skin touching yours through the cut out back of your one piece.

You flushed as he kept rubbing his fingers across you in a teasing motion, is words made you tremble, he knew what he was doing."I-i it wasn't an accident! Its your fault!" He pursed his lips.

"My fault? How is it? OH is this?! Now I understand sweet pea are you all messy for daddy? Poor thing." He pulled away from you, you whined nodding at him. he shook his head tutting then moved away from you completely reaching for the towel and toy. He moved to the opposite side of the pool laying the towel down spreading it out letting some of it fold up the side of it. You tilted you head at him you hadn't noticed he'd got that out and you shivered knowing what it meant, he fussed with it for a few more seconds picking of tiny grass off cuts that had got on it then patted it for you.

"Come on pumpkin!" you blinked at him, the garden really? you moved looking over to the row of houses on the other side of the garden then shook your head at him.

"Come on princess, I promise no one will see trust me"

Slowly you hesitantly crawled the few feet sighing as your knees met the soft towel, it was a thick super soft microfiber bought specifically for this purpose Henry had taken great care in finding something that was absorbent and soft as not to chaff your skin and he made sure to was it with care with plenty of softener so is was always comfortable. it felt like heaven on your knees rather then the prickly grass that really needed a good water. Henry was quick to place you where he wanted leaning your back to rest on the cool plastic pool then moved spreading your legs as far as he could his hands engulfing your thighs. then curling his fingers around them he dragged you down letting just your shoulder blades on the pool, by doing this he had pulled you completely out of view of the windows of the neighbors finally he cupped the crook of your knees and pressed them back to you holding you wide open for him.

"Here poppet hold your legs...Good girl just like that now don't you let them go~" you flushed holding your legs for him feeling your lips spread open for him in this position.

He leaned back growling just having you hold yourself open and waiting for him, being soo good for him made him ready to just fuck you into oblivion. but he wanted to try a few things, experiment with you a little more. you took a deep breath as he finally moved forward one hand slowly lightly running across your center you arched in to him getting a light pinch on your mound."Ah ah stay still little one, just like that such a good girl keeping your legs still hmm? so good for daddy" you nodded unsure if it was a question of not. your blood was pumping full of fear and arousal knowing that you were outside was just..wow the thought of someone over hearing you or seeing you made it more intense.

He continued his slow stokes across you over your swimming costume, the barrier creating a new friction on the sensitive bud. you panted as he changed pace moving your clit from side to side in quick flicking motions.

"Agh! D-Daddy! PLeaseplease!" he chuckled moving his other hand to your contracting hole pressing against it almost entering then began a fast come hither motion watching as you choked back a moaned gasping tensing trying to hold position but grind down at the same time pulling your legs higher trying to encourage him to enter you further. he smiled watching as you desperately tried to hold still but just couldn't manage it wriggling around trying to have more of him. he moved laying down pressing his wide shoulders into your thighs the added pressure helping to hold them open you watched in what felt slow motion as he moved in pressing a sweet kiss on your covered mound then he nuzzled into you pressing his nose  to you breathing in your scent making you flush and kick out a little

"N-no dont! thats embarassing! DAADDY!" you cried throwing your head around looking to make sure no one could see, one hand slipping from your knee letting it slip down, he was fast quickly bringing hi hand up catching it then pressed it back holding it higher then before. he smirked up at you moving to take a deeper breath then growled out you twitched as the hot breath vibrated on to you.

"god baby you really do want daddy huh?" before you could reply be sunk his face down into you prodding with his tongue moving it against you to find your clit then bit lightly running his teeth against you making you try to grind down on him again.

"Ah! D-Daddy?! What are youOH! FUCK FUCK NOOO!" you swore throwing your head back violently as he moved one hand pulling your cozzy to the side and sucked harshly on your clit then began a torturous assault on it harsh sucks and bites rolling the swollen bud between his sharp teeth making to tense and shiver curling up against him trying to free your leg and released the other trying to find some leverage to escape his onslaught. You regretted it when he simply caught it and held it up along side the other. Somehow without pulling away from his delicious feast he had caught your ankles crossing them then pinned them with one hand stretching you out.

You sobbed as his harsh mouth attacked your clit then soothed it with hard licks with the flat of his tongue. he grunted up into you  using his free hand to halt your light rocking holding your hip then moved down his agile tongue slipping in heavy circles around your opening making you cry out again slipping down the towel.

"N-nononono! please I-I can't! don't don't make me! please don't make me D-Daddy! FUCKFUUUCK! noo I-We we're in the garden! ou-outside!" he pulled away smiling at you then quickly impaled you on two fingers making you let out a silent scream as you digits swirled pressing around your hot walls making you tremble.

"Come on sweet heart~ You can do it! I know you can, that’s it do it for Daddy" you whined arching high trying to break his hold of your ankles but her just shook his head keeping his embedded fingers moving with you then sat up putting his weight on the arm pinning your ankles cease your movements. you grunted in annoyance when he did this overpowering you so effortlessly.

He leaned down between your legs and kissed your lips as he began pumping his hand, letting you feel his strength each harsh pump of his hand jolting you against the pool within a few strokes the pool water was sloshing loudly in time with him. You closed your eyes everything was heightened, you could taste yourself on his lips as he moved them in sync with yours prying your mouth open with a deep moan as he forced you to taste yourself on his tongue as he devoured you deeply, you harsh shunts of your body and the feel of the water in the pool rippling and pressing, bouncing you back towards the think fingers.

You whined into the kiss as his fingers sped up curling up to your special spot that you knew by now was how he forced you to squirt around him. you shook your head pulling back from him tears in your eyes trying to pull away from his fingers but he was a man on a mission. you whined gripping the towel below you you knew he wasn't going to relent not until you'd fallen apart around his fingers, you whimpered in slight pain as your abdomen began clenching painfully tight you nerves felt hot burning your blood ran heated roaring through your veins your moans and pants drowned out by your impossibly fast pulse echoing in your ears you panted red and sweaty feeling fevered as you quivered bones trembling as he continued his mastery of your body, playing you like a skilled musician. He grunted slipping a knee below himself giving him more purchase.

"N-NOO! pleaseple-I CAN'T yesyesAGH FUCK DADDY WHY?!" he smirked as your protest became a broken weak sob you was very close indeed.good. he began twisting his hand with each pass of his fingers massaging you just right

"THATS IT! good girl look at me...Good girl just look at daddy~ I've got you now I want you to cum, cum right now babygirl thats it I can feel it sweet pea so close aren't you?" you grunted curling gasping faster unable to catch your breath as his fingers seemed to brush every spot you had you yelped as he twitched his fingers slightly forcing you to release you gasped holding eye contact seeing his wide grin as you flooded over his fingers in a loud and lewd squirt you shivered in the aftermath as he slowed down finally praising you.

"See such a good girl and look no one saw you just like I promised" you whined nodding to him bucking and mewling as you shock with violent aftershocks as you seemed to release thick streams of cum across his hand you cried what felt like floods of tears as your body reacted to his ministrations slowly you began coming back down to earth. you opened your eyes just in time to see him lapping and suckling at his fingers you moaned between heavy pants as he set your legs down either side of him on the towel.

You laid there panting unable to move feeling like jelly nerves shot and skin prickling form the aftermath. That was intense. So intense. And you didn't know why it must have something to do with being outside, the idea of being caught being naughty. Henry moved a warm hand to your tummy rubbing it lightly massaging away the ache from tensing so much.

"D-Daddy? I can't move, I'm tired I want a nap.." he chuckled at you as you closed your eyes your breathing was coming back down now then reached over bringing the toy over. He patted your leg then shuffled you back up the side of the pool making you groan.

"Well baby we aren't done yet just two more okay? then daddy will clean you up... Can you do that for daddy? and we can go get the pizza order done for tonight and you can have a nap on your blanket out here?" you peeked and eye open at him whining.

"Noooo I'm to tired! not now daddy please!" he scoffed at you moving your feet flat you the floor as always keeping your knees spread, he tutted quickly swiping your skirt out of the way rolling it up to your tummy. you whimpered batting at his hands weakly

"Ah ah no come on like i said two more then we will stop! that’s it up you go...There she is my good baby!" you sighed knowing you wasn't getting away anytime soon. You eyed him cautiously as he brought what looked like a little black box you tilted your head.

"Whats that?" he smiled at you and waved it around.

"This is a new type of toy..Something we have never tried and daddy is very excited to try with you" you blinked as he opened it and saw a tiny hole with a rim...What the fuck?, noticing your apprehension he took your hand and pressed it onto the back of it then turned it on then straight up to number four so you could feel exactly what it did. He could see the moment when the penny dropped and you realized what it did. you shook your head trying to scrabble back from him only managing to bump into the pool that was now only around fifteen minuets from being full he had to be quick if he wanted to try the other thing.

"N-ooo no way I Cant that's- I'm to sensitive, I wont last please!" he just moved closer wedging his form between your legs so you couldn't close them. you froze when he moved the pulsating toy to your revealed sex. you cringed as he wasted no time in prying you apart concentrating on your pussy as he placed the sucking hole over your engorged clit. you bucked into him as the toy pulled at your little bud and your walls began fluttering.

"HAH HAH HOOHHH GOD PLEASE THATS ITS NOnononononoooo" you cried unable to stop yourself from thrusting forward onto it he smiled watching closely was you lost your fight grinding harshly into the hand holding it still, he followed your movements with the toy then flicked it up a few levels that added vibrations to the harsh sucking he could feel it humming in his hand with the strength of it. you arched bucking wildly cutting off your own moans with loud gruntal sobs.

The toy was something else and entirely new beast! sucking on you with harsh fast tugs almost like it was trying to wank your over sensitive clit like a cock and the vibrating ring attached to the base of it was powerful and inescapable unlike other toys he had used you could wriggle and accidentally move it, slide it away from that special spot this one completely encompassed you abused clit. with one final click of a button you screeched cumming hard walls clenching and throbbing bucking and grinding uncontrollably  in the air as your body screamed in protest to the almost pailful climax. you cried fat tears as he was to slow to pull it away making you sting slightly.

"D-DaaDDYY no tak-take it off OFF NOW IT-fuck thank-thank you oh god that was" you covered your face whining as he moved fast then took a peek. he gasped looking down seeing your clit larger then ever before and a dark red swollen, you withered as the cool air hit the now over sensitive bud gyrating your hips. he moved closer pulling your lips apart to get a better look."Baby I'm sorry that looks sore...Is it?" you nodded then shook your head you didn't know it was just buzzing twitching and fuck you'd never felt that before."okay sweetness...I'm finished teasing now Daddy will fuck you then wash you off okay?" you nodded even after everything he had done you still wanted his cock, you craved it and doubted you'd ever refuse.

he moved quickly back and dragged you down by your ankles laying you down flat on your back, you cringed as you laid in the wet patch you'd made. he laid down on top of you quickly slipping his cock out of his swim shorts with a quick well practiced motion he moved pressing into you mindful of your obviously tender clit. you gasp as he stretched your aching muscles, the way he teased your walls apart was a relief pulling the tight overworked muscles taught. you sighed once he had almost fully seated himself he was avoiding your clit for the time being having something else planned he wanted you to feel better. You cried out as he rocked into you grunting and moaning, h felt cool against your burning insides his veins and ridges catching on your pussy making it flutter around him yo grunted trying to bounce down onto him

"FUck! babyBABY! NONOno still AGH FUCK ME! sweety NO! thats it stop stop baby good girl let daddy do it....UGGHH YESS!" he hissed as he held you still fucking into you spearing your hot cunt you held onto his back feeling the strong muscles move helping him to pump into you in long  powerful strokes making you grunt and bounce off his thighs he moved kissing you groaning into your mouth twisting his head then moved letting his body lay on yours stretching out his hands pulling your hands down and interlocking his fingers with yours as he moved in slow undulating thrusts making love to you instead of a fevered fucking. you melted below him feeling the heated skin of his chest through the swimdress you now think you understood why it was a swimdress and not a normal one piece, the skirt hid your coupling from the view of any nosey neighbors.

You panted pulling back from him, he rested his head against yours grunting louder and fucked into you faster he was close. you ground yourself on him.

"Pl-please daddy please cum, I want it! please please I'll be good I promise cum inside me please~" your words must have helped as he grunted then growled moving faster still hips stuttering, he moved tugging the short skirt up and peeked down seeing your swollen clit didn't look as sore now and quickly placed his hand there your reaction was immediate as he brushed the small bundle of nerves with each thrust you gasped bucking harshly again unable to stop yourself from chasing that high once again you panted harshly with Henry then with a skilled flick of his wrist you grunted arching up to him squeezing him tight releasing around him this time your cunt satisfied with the cock embedded deep inside of you. he leaned down closing his mouth over yours as his cock swelled releasing into your depth with a loud growl giving a few last quick thrusts then stilling emptying his balls inside of you. you giggled when he pulled back tucking himself away and rolling over one hand flipping your skirt back down then creeping below it snapping your cozzy back to cover you again.

you both laid looking up at the sky watching the clouds sighing relaxing.

"That was incredible!" you moved your head to him as he laughed reaching out a hand to scratch at your scalp you hummed at him half asleep. he rolled over you and kissed you on your cheeks then slowly got up picking you up you were limp in his arms and rolled your head to his neck.

"Come on babe, I'll hose you down and we can order pizza then you can have a nap" you hummed nodding not really paying attention. your eyes snapped open as you herd him step in the pool.

"HUH? W-What?" he shushed you and lowered you into the warm water he as you in the corner and kneeled before you carefully. you whined as he pressed your legs open once more below the water and moved his hand around your swollen fucked pussy. you jolted as he rubbed lightly then pulled the hose that was still running water and directed the flow to your pussy. you whined trying to twist away.

"Ah ah come on let me clean you up" you whined as the pressure of the water soothed your tender clit feeling cool on your heated skin. It wasn't long before your held dropped back on the sun warmed plastic. You gasped whimpering softly as he moved the stream of water across you up from your clit to your twitching hole, you bucked and rocked slowly he maneuvered your cozzy pinching the gusset and pulled it higher letting it slip into your folds trapping your clit and swirled the hose around it the twisted the nozzle making the water come through slightly more powerful. you jolted but he held you still pressing the hard plastic to your bulging mound tilting it down making the water run across your hole pussy building you up one last time then he would stop.

"Noo...DaDDYY! I cant ...not in the pool?!" he smiled tilting his head and kissing you then crowded you hiding your quivering form with his huge frame he rested his face at your ear as you withered against him.

"Its okay baby, don't forget i got the filter pump to put in and all the chlorine to go in...its fine baby just relax let go then you can have your nap~" he couldn't help it he was selfish he wanted to spoil you, to make you fall apart again and again he hadn't made you cum in over a week he was making up for lost time. you grunted arching into him trying to forget the fact you was in the pool in the garden. Which was hard to do when your movements were splashing the water around you. You cried out as he moved the hose lower pointing the powerful stream up hitting the underneath of your still swollen clit your eyes opened and you gasped loud curling forward tensing pressing your head into Henry's chest and came with a cry. Henry shuddered feeling you release into the water a warm stream passing over his leg you wriggled at him moaning twitching completely fucked out relaxing in the water he watched satisfied as you started floating.

Once he was sure you was back down to earth again he stood scooping you up with one arm holding the hose in the other hand he quickly lifted the hose tossing it on the grass making Kal yelp and run as it pointed at the dog who has been minding his own business on the grass lounging in the sun.

"Fuck..Sorry Kal..You okay buddy?" the Akita snorted at him and curled up facing away from you both. you huffed a laugh

"He's not happy with you" he scoffed shaking his head making his way down the garden with you cradled in his arms.

"Well I did just soak the poor bugger" you blinked weakly

"Makes two of us!" he through his head back laughing finally making it to the lounger that were both now in full sun, he kicked it back to lay down and placed you onto it with a sweet kiss.

"You get some sleep nugget and i will order the pizza barbecue chicken right?" you nodded sleepily hearing him move entering the kitchen

"AND MOZZORELLA STICKS...AND ONION RINGS!" he called out an 'yes I know' and you curled onto your side hearing Kal pad up to your side and lay down with a loud sigh sprawling out in the shade you made on the floor you moved a hand down and began twiddling his fur in your fingers falling asleep in the warm sun.

That was how Henry found you both ten minuet's later snoring softly Kal shifted giving him a judgmental stare.

"What?....Okay I get it I'm sorry....But look at her can you blame me? a sexy woman like that you know....Well no you don't know your still a virgin soo...Yeah sorry about that boy." Kal groaned and move lying on his side Henry sighed waving off the grumpy boy and laid back on the other lounger with a book deciding to read whilst you had your well deserved nap.

[relaxxattack]

(i dont care to do c! tags bc theres. so many characters. if i dont say cc! then im talking abt the characters) normally i am not one to think much about the syndicate bc outside of ranboo being there to protect tubbo the syndicate Frustrates me a bit but. if phil starts to realize just how fucked over tubbo got by schlatt being erased from the narrative (and especially how shittily techno has treated tubbo) then i really hope they lean into like. the fact that the syndicate may soon turn into phil, niki, ranboo, and possibly the mystery member (im including mystery member mostly because i think tubbo is on good terms with almost everyone except like. dream, possibly wilbur but we'll see, and like the eggpire ppl but none of them are likely options but it is possible that the mystery member could just be neutral) all like. wanting tubbo to be safe and phil is *just* reasonable enough that i think he'd realize how unfair it is for tubbo to have been subjected to so much shit just for techno to introduce even more fear and the need to hide in his life

like phil already keeps the bee duo marriage and michael a secret, he lets tubbo come over and while of course its mostly from the semi lore vibes phil seems vaguely fond of tubbo already (i dont think phil and tubbo have father/son vibes tho, more just like. tubbo is just That Kid that adults cant help but adore even though the kid will rob them of house and home. slightly amused elder watching a tiny fucking gremlin make sex jokes and talk about soviet russia), niki from what i remember still cares about tubbo (probably because she cant redirect any anger towards him without realizing how unjustified it would be kcnsks she can come up with excuses for hating tommy but tubbo didnt do anything that niki has a problem with outside of her maybe having a bad view on butcher army if she knows about it?), ranboo is. ranboo. i dont need to clarify. and then like said theres a very low possibility of the fifth member *disliking* tubbo or being unable to sympathize with him.

people talk a lot about how techno needs to lose in a way that he cant easily come back from without introspection and i think while the rest of the syndicate standing up for tubbo would increase technos grudge against tubbo initially its also like. something that i think would maybe force techno to see tubbo as a person because now theres nothing techno can box (haha gettit. tubbox tubbo in a box tubbo getting boxed into certain roles by people who refuse to let him out techno esp doin this teehoo) tubbo into that wouldnt just. acknowledge that tubbo is a person. hes not apart of the government anymore, not planning any failed revolution, the most negative title to his name is being one of the nuke makers but even then thats out of fear and safety and techno knows that. otherwise tubbos current crimes are nothing thats special to tubbo (like. stealing and searching for evidence in ppls homes and stuff, the latter of which techno doesnr even know about). right now tubbos a husband, a father, a friend, a kid, *ex*-government, a person. and just.

i think that with how much foreshadowing about tubbos execution no longer being a secret amongst the witnesses and tubbo himself and soon being something that people close to techno like phil and ranboo know about as well (in that i want phil to learn that techno did it and for ranboo to learn about it in general bc hes just biased enough for tubbo and just smart enough that i think even if somehow he wasnt told who did it he could figure it out), and with the fact that tubbos lore has been confirmed to now be something thats actively going to be played into? i think (or at least hope) that it might spur phil and techno into finally seeing tubbos side of the story (and probably also get into the possibility of tubbo opening up to tommy and ranboo but i do think realistically either tubbo will try to play it off/not truly open up about how much its effected him or tubbo will at first shut down or go into complete repression mode, especially if phil and ranboo get the story from other people rather than tubbo himself [but god do i hope they confront tubbo himself]. either those two or tubbo talks about his emotions through fucking snapping at something/someone like he did at quackity when reminded of his execution, which as long as its Not tommy or ranboo ill absolutely be cheering on him for)

which is all a very convoluted way of saying uhh. *grabby paws at the ccs currently involved in the arc of clearing up personal misconceptions about l'manberg (and especially tubbos involvement and how easily those around him judged him based off of their versions of the story)* tubbo lore? tubbo healing tubbo talking about his problems? characters learning to see him as a person and recognizing how traumatized he is and that hes not uneffected but actively repressing any effects? please? (also ending note as the cherry on top of this essay that im sorry for dropping into your inbox: im kind of glad that tommys healing arc and tubbos possible healing arc are going to happen at similar times but are still separate. something something its nice to see acknowledgement that tommy and tubbo wont heal in the same way and arent going to know how to help each other but theyre still going through it together. their arcs are intertwining without removing their individuality and as someone w major co-dependency issues its kind of nice idk. you can be there for someone and still acknowledge that you have your own things to go through too and that while you wont be alone you shouldnt force those around you to support you. the bench trio are all helping each other out of free will and genuine love for each other while still realizing they have some problems they arent ready to talk about yet that arent forced to the open because theyre all doing their best to handle each other with care and i just. bench trio my beloveds. the kids are alright.) -🎭🎪 (also as the actual end note if theres ever a need to refer to me as something other than the emojis mask or eyez works fine but the idea of my name being the emojis is also Very Funny to me so do what you will)

im working on my aperture camera college assignment rn and my brain is sort of fried so i dont have an intelligent answer, but i got the happy chemical reading this.

yeah. i think we all know here that my favorite character is tubbo, and i REALLY hope we get him addressing anything that’s happened to him in canon. pretty much all of what you said sounds very good. *grabby hands* spare tubbo lore? please? spare tubbo lore?

perhaps during the three weeks wilburs off in the fucking woods (/lh) we could have a the-others-find-out-what-happened-to-tubbo-(and in DETAIL)-arc. pleaseeeeeeeee and ty

[floralkittygambler]

HuskerDust - More Toxic Than You Think [LONG]

This is the rough version of a deeper and more complex subject I want to ‘decorate’ with more ‘screencaps’.  DISCLAIMER: This is allegedly controversial and led to me getting literal death threats and an ED triggered. Ive about heard a lot of people’s shit on this so dont try it. I’m speaking from personal experiences too - experiences I really fuckin dont wanna be sharin yet they kinda validate my points. I want people to be aware of the damaging image from someone who can speak from experience without attracting dickheads or people twisting things. Again, I aint particularly comfortable sharing this so yeah- Be courteous- TW AHEAD - ALSO LONG ASS READ. DNI STANS OR ANTIS. May tag a few folks, may not.  HuskerDust is an extremely popular ship in the community however there’s glaringly obvious flaws in this one-sided relationship that both the fans and even the team fail to see. Neglecting the dangerous real world implications this ship [as well as many others] present to it’s audience - especially the more influenced of the audience, most who are children.

Angel flirts with all the male cast however one who catches his eye the most is Husk. Now I want to point out a few things [of many... obviously]; Angel is instantly starry eyed upon seeing Husk, likewise he actually started off with a ‘Hey~’ instead of something sexual. However he quickly ruins this after Husk tells him to go fuck himself [defined by: “ go fuck yourselfphrase of fuckVULGAR SLANGan exclamation expressing anger or contempt for, or rejection of, someone.” ie, he rejected instantly] by responding with an offer to allow Husk to essentially watch him masterbate. Alongside this, he cradles his face. Husk pulls away and seems to pull a face to express rage/disgust or growling imagery alongside COMPLETELY withdrawing his body away from Angel as Angel stares with goo-goo eyes. Firstly, Angel loves animals - perhaps it’s Husk appearing cute that adds to this, however Im not going to address animal imagery just yet. Secondly, Angel isn’t really portrayed to respect other’s boundaries BUT he does respect... Alastor’s. Al declines the blowjob to which Angel shrugs and doesn’t push this matter any further. With Husk, he’s pretty harshly told to piss off yet he makes quite and explicitly sexual remark, alongside invading his personal space and touching a man clearly disinterested and pulling away. From the initial rejection, it then becomes sexual harassment.  I also want to add that Husk comes with [some] perks in his feline form. And if my name didnt make it obvious, I work with and live with cats on a daily. Briefly, I have been educated in how to understand cat’s language in various individual cat as well as how to handle and work with them. Cats are often drawn towards me and Ive been successful with various types of cats. My most recent being a cat I’ve dubbed as Big - Big was abandoned quite young and has lived most his life on the streets [where I live is high in crime and drug rings, so you can imagine how strays are treated] leading to him being extremely fearful and hating people, hissing and fleeing just seeing people. I took time out last summer to finally give befriending him a shot. It’s taken just under a year of hard work and now he visits every day for his mush [wet food] and kisses, responds to his name and runs up to me in delight. Ive even taught him a phrase to signal that I dont want him or the other cat’s to fight [keeps them all safe and aids them becoming acquainted under supervision - something that’s been working surprisingly well]. I apologise in advance as this is not going to be the first instance of this sort of thing but they are relevant. Trying my best to keep it as brief.  For Husk, I will be using a mix of cat and human characteristics to break down his reactions.  In this first interaction, he turns his body away in a way to suggest caution, wariness and disinterest. In fact, much of his general body language is that of a man deeply closed off from connections - for starters, he folds his arms quick a bit which suggests lack of openness, shutting off and defensiveness *usually*. Likewise, when touched, he slightly jumps and tenses before pulling back in aggression with flattered ears - a sign cats give to display extreme hostility in a situation. It’s NEVER a good thing but then again, neither is crossing someone’s boundaries. It’s even stated that Husk hates Angel’s advances and wishes for nothing to do with him - the same dislike of sexual advances that Al dislikes in Angel. The ending as they all walk inside, Angel turns to Husk, winking and blowing a kiss his way despite the clear rejection earlier. In fact, Husk once again grows tense and is even irked by such a gesture. This won’t be the last mention of Angel totally disregarding how Husk feels - something that rubs off onto the fans AND the team themselves. And it’s... *concerning*, to phrase it lightly. Angel so far is the most persistent towards the most resistant, and in my post on RadioDust I have already established [briefly] on how Angel seems to chase unavailable men. The more unavailable, the more tempting. The one that got away, mentality. It’s not healthy. And I’m surprised so few have acknowledged this. Taking a break from what we’ve seen in the Pilot, let’s establish some facts about the pair.  Angel died in 1947 in his 30s [some posts specify 34-35], putting his birth year around 1911-12ish. Husk died in the 70s IN his 70s [again, nothing is truly specified, so for both we’ll go with 75 - the same number in his IG username] that puts birth year roughly 1900′s. Now an age gap between two adults of 11 - 12 years difference is actually reasonable and can work, depending on circumstance and whether theres a balance in power or not. But when we account for their life experiences and death ages, it’s something else entirely. Angel died young. Not only that but his mind seems more stuck in his raunchy teens than of an adult. And even THEN, he wouldnt be one to necessarily settle down [by which I mean in life, not romance]. He’s extremely emotionally stunted and his selfishness and wanting his own way come off very spoilt [when Husk is pissed off about the cat costume, Angel gets moody because he’s used to compliments AND is dressing to impress Husk. When Husk wanted the money he was rightfully owed, Angel threw a fit for ages until starting to earn it back - even though he owed Husk a drink, which I’ll be coming back to, Husk still wanted the money in the end perhaps hinting to only accepting a freebie as it’s on offer as well as Angel being overly persistent. He even dumps his pig onto Husk to look after, while theres no issue in pet sitting, Angel said Husk ‘owed’ him due to missing the show yet when HE owed Husk, he threw a fit.]. Angel’s life style is wildly chaotic in life AND death, and even though we all know he’s most likely going to be redeemed, he still lacks a lot of experiences in life. He lacks maturity.  On the other hand, Husk’s been through his own share of chaos and heartbreak. Difference is, he’s had a life time of experience. He doesn’t act immature in a childish sense. He truly behaves like a downtrodden old man. He’s had his days and would feel more secure settling down in a more peaceful environment with fun yet much needed calm. A better way to handle his need for risk. Age gaps in adults that are large [75 - 35 = 40 years!] are far less likely to work for a multitude of reasons. The main reason is the difference in life stages - that difference in mentality and experiences plays such an impacting role on compatibility. Often their goals and energies are polar opposites and their common grounds minimal. There’s also the looming concern of power dynamics. Whilst it’s usually the older figure that’s holds the power advantage, in this case it’s a little bit more complicated. I’d argue that it’s possibly Angel with the higher power. This rarely works irl but it’s POSSIBLE. Look at Hugh Heffner and his last partner before his death. I believe she was around 22. However there’s many common grounds, immediate attraction, and similar goals. Though incorrect, Heffner does give off a pimp-like vibe (he’s not but you get what I’m implying with mothlike imagery). Husk does not strike me as that type. It would definitely cheapen his character. In terms of interests, the main thing they have in common is that they like to drink. A bad habit, especially when one is an alcoholic. Both are also rather lazy except for certain circumstances [Husk will go out of his way to help HOWEVER he’s obliged to under Al, the only one he’s seen to willingly help and bond with/be seen with is Niffty. Angel is when there’s a fight, chaos, drama or any sex work]. Both are also rather snarky and vulgar. In terms of love, both suffer intimacy issues. On Husk, it’s ‘losing the ability to love a long time ago’ meaning he was likely cheated on or at least had a failed relationship. If he was ever ready for a new start, he’d definitely want something stable yet rewarding. For now, he needs a LOT of work - work he is not yet willing to put in, nor does he have a reason to. Angel doesnt want to commit because he’s extremely selfish as well as in an already abusive ‘relationship’ already. Sex work is sometimes VERY taxing on the mental health due to some of the folk you service. He’s seen the worst in many and just enjoys the pay and fuck. IF Husk was cheated on, then it’d make a lot of sense if a sex worker wouldn’t be his flavour, it would just serve as a reminder. Not only this, but Angel HIMSELF actively participates in cheating. Not with Val... but with *Travis*. BOTH know Travis is married (I’d be feckin worried if Trav didnt-) yet they still choose to cheat anyways, regardless of the pain it could cause. Angel even mocks this by sending greetings to Trav’s wife. Honestly this... Reminds me a LOT of Stolas - a main character who sexually harasses another character clearly not interested/comfortable, participates in cheating and we’re supposed to root for them (and before anyone gets offended, I do have more to say on Angel’s behalf so please be patient). Either way, it’s very toxic and concerning. Even if Husk wasn’t cheated on, I dont think many would feel exactly secure after having such a rough past with love, diving into a relationship with someone who’s openly participated in multiple affairs. And that’s no shitting on sex workers either, it’s just a point that some would feel uncomfortable with the idea of being with ANYONE (regardless of their work) having actively and KNOWINGLY took part in having an affair previously - especially multiple. Husk’s in an emotionally fragile place and needs more security. We’ve already established Husk heavily dislikes Angel’s advances. In fact, his responses to Angel are similar to his responses to... Al! His body language is VERY test and closed off to even Al, who’s most likely knew him for a very long time. If even Al gets this treatment (whilst also disrespecting his boundaries) then it’ll be the same with Angel (both force Husk into their lives and schemes, both disregard his boundaries). And he’s shown to STILL go out his way to help both however this is most likely tied to an unspoken ‘debt’ he owes Alastor. Plus he’s been mentioned behind the scenes to be a secret softie and protective grandpa type. But this animosity is very reflective of how Loona behaves and responds to Blitzo as well as how both Loona AND Husk (One being a ‘lowly servant’, the other being a literal old MAN) as pets - even the fans - just because of their forms. But this isnt the first of the disrespect they receive. Now we delve deeper Both are addicts of some kind (Husk - drinking, gambling. Angel - Drugs, possibly sex). Not a good mix at all romantically. Addicts often and unintentionally feed their addictions to each other as well as can increase likelihood of relapsing which even a recovered addict can slip back into. When times get tough (a natural occurrence) both are likely to suffer with their addictions. Interestingly, they can become addicted and dependent on one another, which is genuinely unhealthy for a mindset anyways, regardless whether addiction existed prior or not. Addiction only increases these chances. Angel likes confidence in a man (confirmed on Patreon). Yet, Husk is even confirmed  in streams to be deeply troubled and insecure. One thing he hates is his demon form, something that we’ll touch on shortly. Angel loves quality food ESPECIALLY of Italian origin whilst Husk is willing to eat the shit they give you in bars (admittedly that was painful to type as someone who grew up around pubs - either way it’s not exactly high quality or gourmet is what I’m saying). Interestingly, in some character references of Angel, it’s stated that he hates rejection. Hates. That’s a VERY strong word. This could explain but not justify why he’s persistent with Husk (similar to NiceGuys believing you’re playing ‘hard to get’ - further illuding to an immature and toxic mindset) though it interestingly doesn’t apply with Alastor. Odd.  There’s a counterpoint to symbolism in art. A very VALID counterarguement... If it suited Viv’s style. During Media Studies, Business, Design and Art, hell fucking Silent Hill! - I’ve been educated on effective symbolism as well as artistic trademarks (the most famous that most should know is Alfred Hitchcock!). Hitchcock often appeared in all his films, usually as a sidefacing silhouette, trading marking his films with his very PRESENCE. Viv’s seems to revolve around hearts. I mention this because an IG account made the point that hearts were to symbolise anyone connected with Angel’s story and love life (Valentino’s business and shades/collar, heart behind Angel’s head, Heart tattoo on Cherri’s right shoulder, hearts for Husk’s paws, eyebrow marks above natural brows, wings, and nose as well as most of the playing cards). Thing is, there’s hearts EVERYWHERE in all of Viv’s works and such symbology of Angel and hearts is weakened if it connects to the villains/abusers as well - taking away the positivity in a love symbol. Viv’s used hearts in her font, backgrounds, in characters ears, in all her series just generalised, Blitzo’s forehead, background characters, again the cards, Travis’s eyes, Millie’s right shoulder in the SAME place as Cherris. Even Vaggie had a heart tattoo on the shoulder in some christmas themed artwork (on her left). Heart’s is just something Viv seems to brand herself with. And that’s fine though I feel she could do with cutting it down slightly. One thing to early note on the cards (again, this’ll creep up later and my name should tell you why), most are heart suits and usually either a face card (J, Q, K), Joker, ace or 2s. Face cards/Jokers for more details close up (look at the signing artwork) and the rest are just easier to animate, though a little bit of a peeve to someone into their cards as well as the massive overuse of red in Hazbin overall. It’s extremely unlikely to be symbolic. If they change it to be so, then it’s... Weakened. As I’ve mentioned earlier, Silent Hill is an example of extremely clever symbolism in more darker media (more so, SH is considered a ‘hell’ of sorts and does feature religious iconography WITHOUT causing offence. A great example of how to portray this type of thing - they even mix humour in if you consider some of the sneaky references, dialogues and odd UFO/dog endings).  Discussing Viv’s art further, she drew a gift for her sister (original creator of Husk when he possessed white fur) of Angel playfully dragging a disinterested and annoyed Husk (I believe this was still around the time SpiderMoth was canon). The newish art tends to have Angel putting a holly crown on him or sitting on his knees, Husk seeming too lazy to really do anything about it. Very nonchalant. I also want to include some interesting stream arts here and later to further highlight their bond.  A fan asked Viv in a stream to draw them “actually getting along” - this wording implying that the fan is aware of Husk not enjoying Angel’s company. So Viv did, with an extra doodle of Husk being one of the ‘canadian people’ from South Park who sing “Im not your friend”. The art alone shows Husk’s absolute discomfort, even the extra thing Viv added w/o request. As they’re her characters and the fan asked for what they’d look like getting along, to show this discomfort goes to show the dynamic once planned. Husk just isnt a fan of Angel, especially when he’s being sexual and touchy. It can be great for small comedic parts, however both the team AND fans have now crossed this over to really creepy and triggering realms in their ships. It’s creepy and doesnt look good on Angel (who they actively root for) nor the gay community (more on that).

[Yes Ive already pointed out the comedic side of this ^ but it doesnt bode well considering the other points and issues that arise] There’s also a request for drag angel flirting with drunk husk. Personally thats a lil creepy to specify one of the two being intoxicated and thus not able to truly consent. If Angel is willing to flirt with someone in that state, it doesnt mean he would fuck them, but it does feel the fan was thinking that’s the case. In all truth, I think Angel WOULD flirt with those incapable of consent purely to swindle or pickpocket. I’d like to think [and HOPE considering his own abuse by Val] that he’d never take it further. And I hope Viv, the team and the fans see how incredibly creepy that thought is. I’ll give benefit of the doubt though it is still a concern. Either way, Angel appears... Annoyed? Husk is completely turned away and seems incredibly grouchy and confused. This shows yet more rejection on his behalf as well as Angel’s response to being rejected, which highlights his immaturity towards it. Remember, he’s USED TO and EXPECTS everyone to want him (even saying this in the Pilot). Hell, there’s even a Rich Vaggie request where Viv again randomly includes Husk. This time, he’s faced towards her and relaxed, though seems unimpressed and overall disinterested in this type of behaviour. Behaviour and interests of Angel [Celeb status and rich appearance due to Val, despite getting very little of the cut and the vanity, as well as Husk just not giving a shit about this sort of peacock display]. (Also wanted to note in Viv’s #3 stream 1:50:50, Faust makes out that Husk is a ‘dirty, creepy old man’ as well as him constantly threatening violence towards Angel. I dont see him as *creepy* in this context - as it implies perversion that he blatantly lacks fortunately - though it’s very telling of how Husk feels and again shows this toxic relationship).

/Angel’s Type: First off, daddy issues. He has them. Now let’s look at ‘daddy’. Henroin is shorter than Angel, dark fur, grumpy, old, wears only a hat and tie, big brows... Sounds familiar? Ok, look at his brother Arackniss. Similar to Henroin, dark, short, grouchy, bullied by and bullies Angel, is adverse to Angel and overall possess a bad relationship. Ok.... His main client, Travis! Short, dark fur, moody, Only wears hat and tie, drinker (shown in stream as request so take drinking with a pinch), similar face to- Is no one else seeing this trait? Angel seems to go for these shorter than him grouchier men who either want him for sex or hate his presence. Men who are like his dad and brother. All of these guys are far too similar, and we’ve got enough men in suits, bowties and sharp teeth in this show to boot as it is- The psychology of this type of attachment is rooted in a bad familial relationship alongside the subconscious desire to repair or compensate for it. Unknowningly the person will keep seeking out this sort of guy who isnt good for them to fix this internal issue. The resolution is to NOT go for these types. It’s also connected to intimacy fears, by going for those you know arent good for you/right for you/interested in you is often the manifestation of these issues. Pair them with daddy issues and it’s a disaster! There is science to back this up. Valentino is interestingly the opposite yet still toxic issues arise. Why? Because he’s going from one extreme to the other but with the same mindset. Neither of these men or types for MANY reasons are right for him. And visa versa. Seeing a pattern? ~~~~

Angel w Husk? I mentioned before that Husk hates his demon form. If you’re an old man, a gambler, some Vegas bloke and have this grouchier disposition, why the fuck would you want to look like an oversized pet? Exactly. Angel however adores his own aside from the feet. Now I find it strange how the guy we’re rooting for just so happens to like his own form which was intended for punishment. But that’s not todays post. I said earlier that Angel is heavily fixated on Husk’s appearance. Especially the feline aspects (calling him Husky and Kitty - petnames he hates that also treat him again more like a pet than a man -, dressing as a ‘sexy cat’ to appeal to him which can come off as more mockery. This is even backed up by fans who seem to think an old guy’s gonna act like some school girl anime trope?). All of this completely disregards and disrespects Husk’s feelings and perspectives. Something the fans and team take part in actively. Angel - whether you want to hear this or not - is SELFISH. When Husk ‘owed’ him for missing the show (babysitting Fat Nuggets), Husk begrudgingly fulfils this. The second Angel owed Husk for stealing drinks, Angel threw a hissy fit. The silent treatment, going to other bars and posting about it whilst complaining (again focusing on Husk being ‘cute’). Trying to cop out of it by buying Husk a smoothie (though it looked like a date, lets be real, do you REALLY have to bribe someone to date and be around you? No) and even then he still had to owe the money which was more of Husk’s concern. Yes he did in the end and more money than needed, hence the returning of the extra cash, but that is no excuse for the childish behaviour prior. He’s much too accustomed to being adored and pampered and getting his own way that he cant grasp when people arent a fan or willing to pamper him. If they make them a ship, all it does it make Angel completely into a shitty Gary-Stu that everyone loves and pities for his suffering, rather than teach him to grow, earn his redemption and confronting his own toxicity. Let me make this extremely clear: ANGEL DOES NOT DESERVE ABUSE OR RAPE. But when he starts behaving as shitty, he’s hard to root for. Remember, he’s sexually harassing all these guys, with Husk getting the brunt of it. But it’s treated as a joke for them and only taken seriously for Angel. Val abuses all of his employees. He abuses VOX and even THAT was mocked by fans and staff. It’s... It’s frankly gross.  In every interaction Husk has with Angel, his body language is closed off, tense, uncomfortable, turned away and hostile - look at the IG. He wont even allow Angel to touch him. Compare this to Niffty, who he’s fine with taking pictures with and letting her hang around and touch him. Body language is relaxed (relaxed shoulders, open body language) and he doesnt look hostile at all. What does Angel do? Always tries to get close to Husk (such as sitting as close as possible during Poker) and forces both his OWN hobbies onto Husk (ones that Husk shows a strong disinterest in) and Husk’s hobbies (Poker). It’s very FORCED and not natural. Going back to immaturity, he blames Husk and his cards for being shit at the game. They’re always bickering, insulting, fighting in the comments but fans only see this as a ‘cute couple fight’ or Husk being ‘tsundere’.Tsundere. An anime trope often used in young characters. Irl tsundere is NOT this dramatised. The tsundere you see in anime, apply that irl and you get the recipe for the most toxic, petty and immature relationship going. You get constant fights, unease, not feeling loved/appreciated, little trust - the list goes on. Plus an old bloke really isnt going to indulge in tsundere traits. It’s childish. After his history with love, I doubt he’d be up for games and messing about. For something meaningful, he’d just want open honesty. Their ‘relationship’ feels like it’s written by horny kids attempting a fanfic after being inspired by 50 shades and twilight (both show toxic relationshiiiiiips~). The worst is that these are adult writers trying to portray some realistic yet sensitive topics. This is just ill fuckin taste. Even the warnings in Helluva’s ‘Horny Demons’ leaves a bad taste when the fans are thinking Stolas is the best dad despite both parents ruining Octavia’s mental health. Despite the next day after that episode aired Stolas starts flirting with Blitzo again on IG. Despite Blitzo being clearly uncomfortable and sexually harassed and even co-herced into sex (VERY UNHEALTHY MESSAGES HERE). Viv herself has been in bad relationships so how the fuck she’s blind to this and even borderline fetishizing this sort of behaviour that everyone seems to play off as ‘Awwww cute tsundere <3 BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS’ is abhorrent. I’ll go into this more later on how this really just... It treats male sexual harassment and assault as a fucking joke- Angel’s constant unwarranted flirting is no different from the freaks on IG that send dick pics to underage kids and random women in their dms and fathom that they’re ‘nice’ and have a ‘chance’. Wanna know the creepiest? The candid photo of Husk on Angel’s wall. Something Husk seems horrified about. It’s fangirlish and teenager like at BEST, and obsessive stalker at worst. He’s NOT respecting Husk’s boundaries or feelings. That’s still up despite Husk’s reaction. He still wore the costume despite Husk’s feelings. Angel’s thinking with his dick and it’s such a fucked up message that everyone seems to support just because ‘its FICTION. Theyre in HELL.Theyre BAD people.’ Yeah? Well look at how that’s effecting and warping reality and perspective. It’s glamourising it. Fetishsizing stalking and making it cute. Yer have celebrity or boyband or whatever youre a fan of pics on your wall. NOT your crush. NOT someone who clearly isnt interested or happy with this. If someone who kept commenting on your pictures “sexy” suddenly had a picture of you on their wall, what would YOU think? How would YOU FEEL? Because myself and my own sisters have been in VERY fucking similar situations and it’s traumatic. His paw is even attempting the lens - Angel is crossing his boundaries and not getting the message that Husk doesnt want this. He’s forcing himself onto Husk. Yknow... VAL forced himself on Angel and it ended up in numerous rapes. Angel hasnt raped Husk, but if he wont take no. If he wont respect boundaries. If he only wants Husk to do what he wants but throws a fit when he owes husk - he’s picking up on Val’s bad habits more and more. How are so few - even the very team creating this - not seeing how disgusting this is? Are we only supposed to give a shit if Angels hurt? If so, the message isnt so much of how despicable Val is but how awful it is to upset Angel. Fans constantly blame Husk for being grumpy, annoyed at or rejecting Angel. Look at this real world implication. Not only that but Angel being gay just reinforces one of the worlds most disgusting and inaccurate stereotype of gay men being sexual predators and forcing men to have sex whether theyre comfortable or not. MOST gay men arent like this, and those who are its just because THEYRE shitty people (Jeffree fucking Starr, but look how people ‘stan’ his fuckin behaviour). Val is rubbing off on Angel as much as fiction has a MASSIVE impact on reality - whether we’re willing to admit it or not. Like Val, hes pushing past boundaries, he’s selfish, hes more into visuals than anything else. It’s one sided, superficial and theres no click. No connection. Be in this situation yourself and seeing this sorta shit becomes second nature to stay alive. Angel even says that most of hells residents are ‘ugly freaks’ yet finds Husk cute. It’s all LOOKS. Who else likes appearances alone? Val. I know this will trigger and upset fans, Ive been told to fucking die and have my ED triggered when I mentioned it before. But accept that all of them have flaws. Everyone irl have flaws. But there’s flaws and then theres a fuckin crime. If Husk was a woman, more people would see the flaw, but even then... Look at many romance movies - not all but many go for opposites attract (science proves this inaccurate irl), stalking, or even sexual harassments and assualts but she falls for him and they end up together. That aint love thats Stockholm with extra steps. Think you’re triggered and upset? Go through this shit - have a history with it happening - and then see some show you love and a comfort character get treated the exact same and everyone JUSTIFIES it, including the team themselves. It’s NOT cute.  Part 2 to the previous point: Both do share common interests, but it’s very unhealthy such as excessive drinking, both being addicts and being rather lazy, etc. Otherwise the common ground just isnt good. They’re opposites that really dont compliment each other. (Not a valid point here but I find it interesting how Angel loves aquariums and Husk can fly too). Viv’s writing is mediocre at best (but with glowing potential - a diamond in the rough - hence why it’s so frustrating) but Husk’s writing is the laziest. According to Viv he’s (paraphrased) “easiest to write... doesnt care about anything, almost always grumpy leading to similar reactions to everything”. His voice and alcoholism even has a lot of inspiration from Rick Sanchez. As I said with Angel in the RadioDust post, it’s almost like the addictions are seen as a joke. A running gag is fine if you can play it off well and it’s not about something so serious EVEN MORE SO when the series is about how damaging the addictions are and redemption. Why is this end goal being ignored unless it’s about Angel himself? That’s not just favouritism or bias, that’s also heavily self indulgent and a backwards ass message. Right now, Hazbin and Helluva have this ugly fixation on sex and ships. VIV has a fixation on ‘horny demons’. Her main characters are incredibly sexual bar Al (dont even say Husk, Niffty, Charlie or Vaggie or even loona and Moxxie are even on par with the focus and treatment Val, Angel, Blitz and Stolas are given). It’s very fixated and concerning. Its starting to feel like it’s about to divulge into hentai than a legit series with even a hint of the plot or a message. It reminds me of Family Guy trying to be BoJack. It’s starting to remind me of fucking Sausage Party and the final orgy. Sex and swears makes it inappropriate for kids but that doesnt make it adult or mature, and this is coming from someone who swears more than a fucking sailor whos stubbed his bare pinky toe on a fucking crate corner. Constant swears arent funny or artful in the slightest when it’s over done. It’s just... childish adult humour. We cant be expected to want to root for any of them at this rate- All A24 and other companies are seeing is big cash and easily manipulated child audiences (for easy money). They KNOW it can be better but theyd rather be lazy as they’ll profit big either way. This is going to end up like YanSim and YanDev. Amazing potential, shit writing with a leader too stubborn to accept and act on criticism, seeing it as hate. At this point, Husk isnt a deeply troubled man with vices and interests. He’s just fuck candy and romantic end goal for Angel. To compliment and complete him. Just another accessory to the Angel Show. Vivs sister who made Husk even loves Angel so it’ll only serve to further this already toxic narrative.  The ship doesnt look or feel right. There’s too much established now to see the dynamics and favouritism in the creators. Self indulgence. You cant play favourites when you do this sort of thing professionally. The audience can see it and it turns people away. Ask any nonHaz/Helluva fan what they think and it’s... Well, average.  Another thing is everyone went full hype on Frozen focusing on something other than romance as a form of love. But then go back to “Ok now everyone reenact the final scenes of Sausage Party” afterwards. Not everything is sex and romance, and it really is starting to feel Viv and the fans are focused on that like Incels focusing on ‘chad’. It’s creepy. Helping with food, telling someone self conscious on their weight that they’re not fat, not taking more money than someone owes, even helping out with a pet - that’s something that a good friend would do. In fact, Husk even laughs at the goofy Angel cutout and it being destroyed. It doesnt instantly equate to wanting to fuck. The fact that the fans and even some of the team seem borderline horny is... Completely destroying this show, it’s message and everything about it. Viv said ships were hardly the focus in her stream but look at it now. Look at what Viv focuses on now. It’s just fanservice shit. Nothing more. Self indulgence shit, look at the team making rape into a fetish or shipping themselves publicly with the characters on the public IGs. It’s like watching children run a business and it’s painful because the entire series is suffering when it could be amazing.  Friendship should be more normalised as a valuable type of relationship just as much as love or family are. I’ll also add that Husk adding after the show “Oh fuck... Is this what I missed? Shit.” is ooc like the ‘date’ (that was compensation for stolen drinks, like a tamer version of Blitzo fucking Stolas for the grimoire). It contradicts that he slept it off rather than an attempt at staying awake, as well as calling it a “god damn peepshow” implying a repulsion to the peverse tendencies. The constantly commenting, following and posting Angel related pics makes little sense either from someone who’s blatantly been sexually harassed as well as the clear repulsion of the candid pic on the wall. He outright rejected Angel. What would be realistic are the IGs focusing on learning about the characters, their lives and interests - ALL updating at realistic paces. Old men arent tech savvy usually nor care for social media that much. He’d post drinks, gambling, casinos, life with Niffty and Alastor. Heck maybe a picture of Angel captioned “When will this guy leave me the FUCK alone?”. He even only seems to tag angel, even in the pic that had Charlie and Vaggie [their shared account] or Niffty. Theres a CLEAR bias in the staff room and it’s messy. Look how most the female cast is ignored (Vaggie/Charlie, Velvet who posted a birthday gift to one of the new artists on the merch WHY? Gasu btw, Niffty, Millie only posting twice - heck even Vox and Loona sometimes get neglected. CLEAR. BIAS.) The ships focused on are 1) NOT established canon yet publicly favoured by Viv and the team (Stoliz, HuskerDust, VoxVal - that last pair havent actually got a VA either-), 2) Are TOXIC and theme around abuse or sexual harassment but it’s ‘cute because gae’ - NO. This makes gay people look really bad when they’re not. 3) HD and SL focus on one sided, stalkerish, cop out ‘tsundere’ excused ships to sugar coat the creepiness which only further fuels bigotry, 4) SL has MERCH on it now, so thats also profiting on sexual harassment imagery (again, dont give a shit they arent real - the EFFECTS are. The people who can relate ARE. The people being horridly stereotyped ARE). Thing is, the IGs originally were there to promote ADDICT which started as a fan song anyways despite everyone saying how Viv is stubborn in her ways an uninfluenced by her fans (proof says otherwise) yet shes allowed a fan song to be canon. Theres a focus on forced love for fanservice. The IGs have long outstayed their welcome. The Val account allows glamourisation of the sick shit Val does AND entinses fans to bully as they forget a REAL PERSON runs the fucking account, Val isnt even a scary villain either - hes just a big teen like everyone else - stuck in a teen drama with all this. Pimps are smart. Theyre scary. Theyre masters of manipulati- HOW DO THEY NOT DO THE RESEARCH?! Viv wanted this sense of realism and dealing with sensitive topics in one of the worst executed ways Ive ever seen- It’s toxic. It’s dangerous. These are shit messages and your fans display that when they think all criticism is ‘hAtE’ and actively bully real people w REAL EXPERIENCES. Telling them to ‘stop pls’ does fuck all because you still promote shit messages straight after. Like with Stolas to Blitz in a IG story a day after Ep 2. Classy.  Fanservice seems desperate to keep these fans (rather than market correctly... Just like YanDev) and it leads to fans feeling like they have the audacity to steer the series. Poor business with WEAK boundaries. Viv, you lost your series a long time ago. Want it back? LISTEN TO LEGIT CRITICISM. Stop surrounding yourself with yes men. Even my best fucking friend calls me out when Im out of line because a real friend will fucking take the chance of hurting your feelings if it means helping you in the long run and grow.  Mick joked about the inside of Husk’s ears matching Angels coat, that the ears are cat’s most sensitive and vulnerable parts. 1) Cats vulnerable part is their tummy - hence why you need their trust first (alternatively yer get the odd cat that has full confidence they cat hurt you a lot faster than you can tickle them - I own one), 2) Its weird that Viv doesnt know this considering how many cats she has - its important to learn the language of those you love to give them your full understanding and a great bond 3) This romanticises sexual harassment more than it already is in the media (remember, theres women out there still murdered for saying no!) as well as reinforces the stereotypes of gay men forcing non-interested men into sex (again, a very toxic and unrealistic trope - a dangerous one thats led to gays being murdered!). And the ears design is unnecessarily overly complex considering those fuckin wings he supports. If the design adds nothing to the character but aesthetic, then it can go on the chopping block. Rules for simple animation. Besides from Angel sharing the same tooth as Val (who knows if that was added after he started working for Val as branding?) you could use this argument to say Pent or Al are soulmates for Angel because of having striped suits, or sharp teeth - no, it was intended as a joke that Viv fueled to irresponsibly because it’s not the first time she’s dodged publicly addressing something (something youll NEED to get used to in a big company), and she’s publicly dodged shit after this too so Im not putting faith in her until she can act professionally as the job requires. Likewise, professionals should consider what and how they joke as they’re presenting an image of a company/business. And people WILL eat that shit up face value regardless. In her stream #2, a fan requests for art of flustered angel and smug husk to fuel their ship. at 2:10:21, she does so. She’s also done this for Baxter x Niffty and Cherri x Tom. As a professional, you really should be avoiding this sort of thing in the name of fanservice. I get it, fanservice = financial gain. But it also results in empty meaning. It’s a shell of what the passion project once was, hence why you make the ENTIRE skeleton before involving others. The team help construct the muscles, tendons and organs. The public - moreso critics and the more experienced in those fields help sew the skin. Then you bring it to life, the fans become like blood. They aid to keep it alive. Even Ash and Mick mention Husk being ‘tsundere’. Im had most my piece about it earlier, however I’ll repeat and add some extras. Tsundere is an exaggerated personality, often used in younger characters. In terms of a relationship, it’s very immature, leads to poor communication and results in a toxic love. Science can back this up as well as the lack of realism. It’s more immature minds/hearts that go to what they interpret as tsundere in hopes of the love life the media portrays. A farce. Y’know what Angel needs? Someone open, honest, open to love and comforting. He doesnt need someone rebuffing and him chasing. It’s nothing more than an immature thrill. Once the love begins, it’s burns out QUICK. It’s far from sustainable or healthy. It’s not what either really need and further show Angel’s fixation on men who subconsciously remind him of his father. It’s not healthy. Another thing is a tsundere actually IS interested but shows it in the most immature and childish means possible. Would a really old bloke actually give a shit to play those sorts of games? No. Not one coming from a place like husk has. It’s painful how lacking in research and experience these people are. Science backs up that opposites solemnly attract also. In fact, they often either repel or only get as far as friendship.  Fan and Team Mentality in Brief: Im coming out with my ultimate pet peeve: if you’re going to have one of the MAIN characters be a gambler, do your research. The only background shit is a casino, LOADS of sex references (in Pride? Really?) and drugs. It’s like someone listing what they think is adult and tabboo and naughty. It’s yikes. Cards are almost always aces, 2s or blank. MOST are heart suits (like we need MORE red - we get it, it’s hell. But it’s an immature larvae stage hell). I get 2s and aces being easier to animate, however you have Husks wings, the entire of alastor, angels arms - if youre busting the budget for the menial then bust it to the cards. Theres like ONE spade. The full house isnt a full house (here’s a display of the fans lack of education on the matter as well which serves as a sure sign that they know just as little on any of this as SpindleHorse, they think it’s a sign on him being a card cheat. A card cheat. I aint saying hes not but what I AM saying is poker professionals are some of the most observant people in the world. Especially when money’s involved they’ll ensure youve got your facts right. That wouldnt fly at ALL. But theres more~ fans think Husk spent loaaaads of time staring at angel’s face in the IG poker out of <3 Newsflash. When you play poker you read EVERYONE like a book. Every little twist and twitch of the features. Its not about love. It’s about winning. Its about money. Play enough poker and it’s instinct if you want to actually play decently. Call bluffs. Life aint a fuckin romance.) And playing Poker at a BlackJack table? In a casino? These are all common knowledge and basics if you just research. And this is coming from someone with a history of this.  The fans even believed Tipsy Bartender’s ‘Peach Princess Cocktail’ was something Spindlehorse made as a beverage form of Niffty, Angel and even Charlie because of the name. Now, Im not expecting everyone to be a fuckin boozy either, but to not even consider it’s a very real drink does show that many fans are far too young for that 18+ label.  Fanart of HD often has Husk being OOC OR being held hostage (often via webs - one even being reblogged by Viv, aint that cute!). Some even have Husk completely intoxicated, which would be rape. Im not sugarcoating it. Because too many are getting the sweet treatment and copying Viv’s ‘dont address and it disappears!’ tactic - A LOT of internet celebs do it. The ship is drawn a lot by the team in the public eye, Viv reblogs it publicly (SL, HD, alongside canon only ships, how curious-). Husk is pan yet doesnt behave as the stereotype. And Id FULLY support this with my fucking SOUL (fun fact: you cant sell a soul. Thats myth to scare people-) if it was done correctly. But the way bisexuals, lesbians, gays and aces are portrayed so stereotypically (even Pan in terms of Val’s sexomania), it’s really REALLY uncomfortly coming across as Husk being pansexual JUST to make him an ‘option’ for Angel. Hell even the hets are given a shite representation. Some art btw has husk tricked into a kiss. Cute, we’re really starting to like blurring consent aint we? Remember, Angel has celeb power in his world. In the real world, he has a following. HE has the power in the ship massively. Hell, fans JUSTIFY Angels behaviour and absolutely rip Husk a new shithole if he fuckin even so as to DARE OPPOSE ANGELS MUCH DESERVED LOVE! - sarcasm because I have to make that shit clear now. Fans dont care about Husks feelings, he wasnt even popular until this ship started to explode. Y’know what would be cool and break stereotypes? An old straight white guy actually accepting his friends sexualities. The pan thing feels really fucking gimicky and exploitive and gross based on the history of all this shit. It feels disingenuine. Representation doesnt come from it just being there. What next? Katie whips on blackface to further show shes a bigoted knobhead whos white and straight? Dont get me wrong, Katie’s an arsehole but theres other means to show this rather than ALL HETS HATE THE BIG GAE. They dont. They really dont. But hey, we’ll show a gay man sexually harass every guy and root for him! NO. Thats fucked up. It makes gays look like the predators theyre not. It’s like the fucking 50s with modern tech - is that the real identity of Vox? Fuckin maybe. WHAT THEY NEED - FUCKING FINALLY, ITS THE END IVE BEEN ON THIS SHIT FOR DAYS WHILST SICK LUCKY ME EH? CAN YER FEEEEEEEL MY TIREDNESS OF FANDOMS AND CREATORS EXCUSING SHITTY THINGS FOR CLOUT, MONEY, FAME AND OTHER DUMB SHIT? IF YOU CANT, THEN WHAT THE FUCK, AND OTHER NEWS: Right. Lets get our main shit. Compatibility between the pair is really low - lower than even the team seems to see. And yer old fart of a Hag here’s gotta use my personal suffering as an example because thats what the cool kids do, right? Their friendship compatibility is high. VERY high. But low for love. HEALTHY love. In terms of convo flow, it only has a river when insults are flying, otherwise Husk actively cuts Angel short or outright annoys him. In reality, someone like Husk would gross out Angel, but the cute cat look can turn that the fuck around - JUST the look. Fans and the team oddly think it’s cute though. Yes, I remember being negged at the bar and thinking “BOY arent my pants flooded like the fuckin planet when the ice caps are melting”. There’s no click. Theres infatuation and lust one sided based on looks. Husk isnt even remotely interested and no means delayed yes apparently. Angel as a rape VICTIM should know better than to blur consent like this. Angel isnt a rapist [for the skim reading raging stans ANGELS NOT A RAPIST, YAAAAAY!] but he sure has a shit grip on when he’s looking like Val when Val forced Angel into a kiss by not accepting rejection. It’s. CREEPY. Its fuckin weird. Husk is literally named after being a shell of his former self, I doubt random sex and forced interest is gonna make him spring to life like bastard Zeberdy from the Magic Pissin Roundabout. Honestly, sexual harassment and addictions are treated the same in this - a joke. A punchline. A gag. Sure makes me fuckin gag. Nah, the more healthier Chaggie relationship (needs work on Charlies damn part - dont let freaky taxidermy men sexually assault your life partner like that) is booooring, lets focus on sexual harassment leading to true love like all the other shitty romcoms shall we? Or sugar coat it with ‘getting to know them better <3′ like Beauty and the Beast. A story, by yours truly: My mom’s mates with this woman. Lets call her M because her name starts with an M. M is just like Angel except slightly older, overweight and disabled - so not everyones cup of tea visually (shes neither here nor there to me imo, not like I hold interest in shaggin her). Like Angel, she fuckin flirts with any ANY man around her. She’ll even touch without consent, rub allllll up and down their backs and bodies, and not leave them alone. She even did this with a few gay men. Shes not a horrible person BUT mom and I are constantly trying to stop her and get through her head how DISGUSTING this treatment is. But nothing gets the message across. Shes ALWAYS talking men and sex and has an on/off fling with this one bloke (dont worry, hes the male M, cheats and does the same as her). Everyone, even women, are uncomfortable with this. Irl it’s desperate and a HUGE repellent. Men are visibly SO uncomfortable. She does it to my father too who is - in case youd forgotten - MARRIED TO HER BEST. FUCKING. FRIEND. My father is not a man of fear (and interestingly, hes one of the real life Huskers I know!) but this woman? *insert Heavy bc why tf not* She scares him. My dad does everything in his damn power to pull away, reject, resist, avoid and cut her off. The only reason hes even nice to her at all is because mom likes her (when M isnt a gross hornbag, shes genuinely a good friend to my mother - much like angel and Cherri). My dad’s strictly banned from insulting her or telling her to fuck off from my mother BECAUSE of her nature with him. Even at her non horny times, he’s even said shes not his flavour.  I’ve had numerous accounts like this myself (ask any woman-) but the worst was the guy thinking - THINKING - that Id eventually be his whilst he played up a lot of our similarities up, seemed nice and I actually thought I had a good guy friend (put it this way, Im genuinely scared of men because of guys like this). At this time, there was a character I discovered who looks and behaves SO much like me, and shes married. My simping arse for this fictional BEAUT [Im sorry but Iris is fucking awesome] compared her romantic traits towards Olgerd as something Id do - and this was a STATUS. It wasnt even too him, tagging him, nothing. I was just spamming Iris like the Iris whore I am, and... Yep. Ill be honest and say that God only knows what else I did that made him think I was ready to rip off my clothes and shag him. My post history back then showed Im like this when I find a character I relate to. I also send hearts a lot publicly and to friends to express joy - I get NERVOUS how that’ll be taken now. He tried to pit my ex friend and I against each other for him and even cyberstalked us pretending to be a girl named Raven. My GUT told me this aint no bastard ‘Raven’. The vibes he gave me, and the fact when I kept saying no he took it as a delayed yes (He even said “Ill wait for when youre ready” not “I understand and am happy to still be friends”) gave me literal nightmares of this guy tracking me down and raping me. He’s currently dating that ex friend (I was still willing to be their friend and support them but they said it was hard to keep us separate in her lifes and she didnt want conflict, so I cut it off amicably with her and I fuckin hope he treats her right. I even sensed in my gut she’d like him and he’d like her - even that theyd be good together! But then I found she was 17 and he was 10 years older, that he was cyberstalking and pitting us against each other, that he was secretly an arrogant fuck and that he gives off red flags like her ex’s - but shes passed 18 now and I want to trust her as an adult that she can deal with this. Shes got a good family.) As a kid, Ive been fuckin groped at school in my shitty neighbourhood. One kid even harassed me wanting to know if Id started my periods yet. Hed constantly fondle girls and ‘keg’ them aka yank down their skirts or trousers in public, and 2 years later held a fucking KNIFE to my throat in a classroom with the shittiest substitute teacher, all because I stood up to him (I was not known for my bravery at school so). He was harassing my female friend who suffers from it since as well as her upbringing, bullying her and stealing her stuff. Shes TINY. She was bullied just as bad as I - who was somehow both the school ghost AND pariah somehow- - and I stepped in and told him to cut that shit out before snatching her things back. I told her to ignore the desperate prick. Thats when he took a boxcutter and held it to my throat, threatening me to keep my head down. Now my neighbourhood fucking qualifies as the British ‘hood’ but Id been lucky to avoid this. Ironically, I wondered what this situation would be like a year prior. Im convinced I can fucking foresee bad shit now and with anxiety that aint good. I froze mentally and I just said “Wooow, Im fucking scared- *friends name*, ignore him” and continued my work. I fucking mentally kicked myself for speaking but I genuinely didnt know what to do. Obviously not fucking that. He sat the full TWO HOURS at our table with this knife, jolting forward mockingly and switching who he pointed it at. The knife btw was from that very room as it was graphics and art. Teacher didnt even notice though honestly Ive had an entire class throw shit at me and call me a whore and the teacher in that class looked at me and TURNED AWAY. End of the day, I reported it to my actual graphics teacher when he returned and he told me he’d take this higher up and to get my parents. My home was only 5 minutes away but I had to walk alone when most the students were gone AND through a fucking alleyway. I always walked with my head low but that day I kept it high and tried to look brave because I genuinely thought he was waiting for me. That he was going to rape and kill me because he’s a pervert and Id just discovered a fucking violent one at that. I broke down at my door. Do you know how fuckin hard it is to look your parents who are dealing with two cancer patients and other issues in the eyes and tell them their ‘little girl’ had a knife to her through for standing up for herself? We went back, I described everything and even remember the yellow-orange handle just to get this kid punished? I even wrote an official police statement (well, the written witness account they add to their statement and evidence) and had to speak on mine and my friend’s behalf because she was that shook up. I never even used to speak for myself! He got expelled, but yknow what us jolly folk dealt with? Hearing kids and his mates mumbling about the ‘rat’ and how much of a cunt they were. Teachers and kids praise him for his art skills and even pin them on display EVERYWHERE (one - ONE - was a fucking self portrait and none of the staff seemed to find issue in that) and even an occassion where he came back into the school when he legally wasnt (trespassing). Do you know how hard it is to fucking avoid someone without raising suspicions from everyone around you in a narrow corridor? Im TALL too. I got NO support from this and felt on edge because he could easily sneak into school. I couldnt say shit because his stupid ‘spies’ were about. Just typing this is upsetting enough- I also know a rl Angel who’s like him minus the sexual harassment. She’s... I never used to like her and visa versa but we actually get along really well now, even though she can be creepy and perverse- But she wouldnt be my type either nor I with her. Often we really fuck each other off but we can also bond great. Another incident reminds me of Husk’s candid photo. Ive had people keep my photo despite me saying not to however I had someone SOMEHOW at that school one the fuck up that. There was a cut out from a magazine of a lady who looked like my DOUBLE except she was asian. Now I thought this was cool and it made me feel sorta pretty. This one girl showed everyone and the teacher, pretty much everyone was like “Oh shit that really is you, C!” and it was harmless fun at first. Until I wanted the picture. Again, this woman looked EXACTLY like me. Yet this girl refused and said she wanted to keep it and even carried it around in her pencil case. Yes it wasnt me but due to the similarities, this photo was called me (tbf the fuckin pic got more respect than I did-). This isnt the only creepy instant between me and this girl but the photo reminds me of it. And this tops people keeping photos OF me which happened in primary school. This was me but legal at that time. And asain. It was super fucking neckbeardy the way she treated this photo and stared, often stroking it and looking at me. I just hope she was only trying to scare me. Theres one final instance of a sexual assault but Im just not yet ready to be public about it. 2 here already know. Those are some of my rl experiences and more to come (unfortunately) that show these behaviours in real life. It seems - it comes across - that sexual harassment, MORE SO TOWARDS MEN, is seen as some punchline and not something legitimately horrifying or dangerous. It’s not cute. It’s fucking FAR from it.  Ive already mentioned how putting two addicts together can lead to relapsing, dependence on each other in an unhealthy way. And Ive even mentioned what Angel needs in a relationship in the RD post. Luckily for you, I’ll copy and paste it here: “ We need to think about where both are mentally. What benefits would a relationship give both? How would they be good and bad for each other? For Al, aside from his outdated views and being a fucking murderer and narcissist, he actually seems in a good mindspace for a relationship IF he opted to be in one. Angel however has a very immature mindset, likewise is in a phase of life where hes bed hopping. IF he were to be in a relationship, I’d say he needs a male equivalent of Cherri - someone with a similar mindset yet some differences, willing to have fun and in touch with their younger side, down to cuddle, open to share and receive love as well as not afraid to publicly be affectionate with him, someone who sees him as more than just for sex, someone fun, someone who’ll let him embrace his cutesy side publicly without shame - Cherri is younger so maybe someone who’s his age or slightly younger perhaps? I think Angel’s not retirement home ready to settle and needs someone on his level that can cuddle and chill as well as feels free and youthful enough to go wild with him. In one sense, he’s got a teen girl sorta mindset (dont put him with a teen though, it’s fuckin weird-). He needs someone positive and raw, someone to let him be himself as well as someone comfortable to be themselves around him. He has a habit of latching onto unobtainable men (in psychology, this is self sabotaging subconsciously): Travis the client, Val a pimp, Husk (emotionally unavailable and needs HEAVY self work - interestingly far more than Angel - plus he’s still onto his last relationship and an addict to gambling and alcohol), Pent who’s the enemy he was currently fighting (inappropriate timing), Alastor who’s not interested in another but his own needs [selfish, VERY bad for a relationship]. Subconsciously he’s self sabotaging on purpose. There’s many psychology books as well as sources online for this, if you’re interested. Either way, Angel is drawn to men either like his father [who dislike him, shun him, or are otherwise cold, abusive or just blatantly dislike or otherwise dont care about him] or anyone with money to fuel his drug addiction/’debt’ to Val. Going with any of these men isn’t a good idea. Preferably, Angel needs someone who he doesnt immediately crush and obsess over. Someone who he doesnt sexually harass or assault. Someone he can build a connection with quickly that can bud into romance (think how Chaggie started as a friendship which clicked immediately). Maybe even someone he doesn’t expect to fall for but does so anyways. It would be more realistic as Viv wants as well as more healthy. That for once he isnt sex or money craved instantly, thus doesnt sexually harass/assault and is given a proper chance to develop and grow a friendship and love. Someone who isnt an addict. Someone with an on-par mindset where they click. Someone open to love. For any chance of a good relationship, Angel needs to be with anyone BUT who we’ve already seen. There’s too much toxicity that’ll be swept under the rug and justified otherwise. Too much shit to fuel homophobes in terms of gay stereotypes. Even though Ive focused a fair bit on Angel, it’s NOT just about Angel. That’s something fans forget. Some he depends on or someone who depends on him in the long term wont last and will be very dangerous to both. Just because you suffer, you dont then deserve to be rewarded with ‘something nice’. You dont get to have everything youve ever wanted. Giving him any of these blokes [minus Val] gives him a pass. Gives him what he wants. I get Viv loves him but life doesnt work that way. True lasting growth comes from learning that. Acceptance and growth. You dont get everything you want and sometimes thats a GOOD thing. He’s not a spoilt kid who gets everything he asks for, he’s YOUR creation. If you really wanted what your creations deserve then you need to research and be realistic with it. Because hes starting to feel like a shitty Gary-Stu at this rate.” Sorry for that copypaste clusterfuck. Copy paste is not my forte lol Now Husk. Remember Big? Probably not after the info overload, but if you do GREAT. Big needed love, patience, understanding, someone who could help him, someone who understood and respected his boundaries. I spent so much damn time and now he cuddles up and exposes his tummy because I make him feel understood, loved and safe. He NEVER purred or meowed (why would he need to meow when he didnt speak to humans?) but now he does. He lives on the streets of a neighbourhood with rough folk. He used to draw blood and go rabid on my arms. But I was patient and showed him that I understood his reasons but that he was safe with me and had no need to strike out. I never pushed his boundaries let alone doing it multiple times (the rl angel I know is fucking skilled at pushing cat’s boundaries and wonders why they all huddle up to me and avoid her lol). Husk is an unavailable man. Romantic/Sexual love does NOT heal his wounds. But thats the only thought fans and the team have given on his side. He needs love to ‘fix’ him. The WORST reason to get with someone. Theyre not a project and you arent a fucking miracle worker. Treat them as an equal. He needs a good friend. JUST a friend. Like Big, he needs patience, trust, understanding, and extensive help (arguably more intense than Angel’s). He needs to love himself a bit more FIRST. Someone who respects his boundaries INSTANTLY. Someone relatable and similar, open to love not just sex and not as troubled (if they are, they need to handle it way better, healthily and overall be in a good mindspace). Viv can ship whatever the fuck tickles her fancy, but once your passion project becomes public and funded, you have set responsibilities on how to address and handle sensitive issues as well as having to accept criticism. If Husk goes sober in the name of love (ESPECIALLY with the guy not respecting his boundaries and sexually harassing him), then it’s a fucking INSULT to alcoholics.  I know a few rl Husks but there’s one that anyone who knows me enough knows the man I hold closest to my heart was an alcoholic and spitting of Husk. That’s why Husk’s character means so much to me. But there’s only 2 here who know a bit more of this man. This is something Id hoped to not share so soon, nor as messy. And Im already getting waterworks because this is FAR from easy. I guess Husk became the very thing *I* needed in order to face this. This man was my grandfather. WAS. I cant even fucking accept that. I was a fucking child. I feel stupid being so open about this over some stupid cartoon but it just shows the real life effects this has on REAL fucking people. This man was old and lonely. Always at the pubs. He taught me card games, card tricks and card magic as well as one of his own sons dealing with a gambling addiction. I feel so fucking stupid crying about this- I dont want to open up but its the only way I feel I can get people to understand my side in all of this. This man was a fucking MESS. A closed off, lonely, grumpy old bastard. He lost his love because of his alcohol addiction and never found love again. Never got over that woman. (Shes still kicking and we’re close - im keeping some things under wraps between them as its not my place). Gave up on life and love. Worked hard at his fixation on cards and puzzles, as well as crass jokes and knowledge. But he was very lazy otherwise. Bitter and angry. And you know what? He was my world. I love this man with every fiber of my being because he was the first person to love and accept me for me. He treated me as an equal and helped me grow as a person. In fact... He was only ever happy around us kids. He had hope again. Protected me. He used to hate gays and blacks and you know what? He taught HIMSELF as to why that was shitty thinking. He taught ME about differences in people and to accept it. He taught me that you dont always have to understand to accept. He taught me poker and... swears admittedly. He was a beautiful soul that was broken inside. He needed to love himself. But you know what actually fucking happened? You know what I watched as a kid? I watched as he smoked until every morning he woke throwing up phlegm just to BREATHE. I watched as sometimes the light in his eyes died and through smoke breaks and early drinking how he’d sometimes slip and show me his pain. And we’d have deep talks about it and the world and everything. How alcohol ruined his life yet he craved it. His scent. I remember arguments I wasnt supposed to overhear and growing up seeing him fucking DIE slowly in a hospital bed. The man he was ended up as a fucking husk. His skin was bloated and purple, he was half machine on how much shit he was hooked up to. How he was barely a man at all. He was dying of cancer and he fucking knew and never told us. His cancer meds gave him horrid hallucinations. And I practically spent most of my time in that hospital because TWO people had cancer. Two stunning people had fucking stupid bastard cancer. He was a fuck up. He was flawed to shit. But seeing glimpses of the real him was a fucking ethereal experience. He made me feel like a PERSON. And all we could do in the end was watch him just die. He WANTED to die and you could see it but hed only eat around us to fake fight out of his own hubris and not wanting to let us down. That year, I watched 2 of the only people who ever gave a shit about me die the most dishonourable deaths God could have gave them. Years prior I watched his son gamble EVERYTHING away - his lover, his house, his everything. Hes a moderate gambler now with a partner who never had a history of any addiction. She helps keep him in line as he helps her. But most nights I fucking dream of this shit. I cant even think about my hero because I fucking weep. I still have nightmares. Im still up thinking how I could have saved him from himself when it’s him who was the only one able to. I have to live my life with those memories and I was just a kid. Im a full woman and Im still haunted by it. Even that year is blasphemy and I fucking hate it. I want to take him in my arms, hold him and tell him he’s enough. That its ok and he can get through this. Anything that reminds me of him, I love because I know the other side. The real side. The side not tethered to vices. When I see people like that, I pray they see themselves like that too and I want to help them see it. Tell them that they can live again. It’s better than fucking decaying in a hospital bed. That when people make this sorta shit into a cute quirk it’s not. And it’s dickheads like me who have actually seen it play in the real world to REAL people they love. They arent a fucking accessory to fix for your own narrative. They arent a fuckin performing monkey. At least with Rick and Morty it’s kinda humorous and never played for some shitty toxic ship to appeal to everyone who’s never had to face that shit themselves. And Im like my old man but with more hope and no addiction. I drink and I gamble but I’ll never let myself get that low. Because I honour him but Im not as fucking saft. I wont allow it even though it’s a fucking battle. Those addictions are in the blood. My family history. Its always been so fucking normal. I’ll never knock someone for an addiction or try to preach them out of it because theres often pain fueling it, but I’d never encourage it or toxic faux cures and stupid romance promises as some bullshit MLM remedy either. I KNOW it’s fiction but I want people to see the real side. I want VIV to see the real side. Id willingly for FREE fucking sing that shit if it meant spreading a good message. Because this is fucking hell. FIXING IT: The ship’s basis is too set in stone now - too familiar to change. Best is to never let it be canon. Because you know what else it teaches? That rOmAnCe cures all. Not therapy. Not rehab. Not any REAL work. Just fuck and date it all away as if it’s that easy. It’s a mockery! I tried to be professional about this but when the media bombards this shit constantly, the has the AUDACITY to play like it’s giving a good message is salt to the wounds. A kiss with a fist. An old man dont care for the petty teen drama that Angel and Cherri (even fuckin Al) thrive on. Want this to send a good message still? Angel hates rejection and thinks everyone wants him. Have Husk reject him. Especially because no one should go out with someone whos sexually harassed them there. Been there, done that got the fuckin tshirt. Have Husk reject Angel the way Gravity Falls has Wendy reject Dipper. It helped Dipper move on and mature, and this is what Angel needs for growth and to be more humble.  Husk would be a fucking excellent mentor to Angel, a friend and protector, someone who shows him the ropes like Grunkle Stan like a grandfather figure. To not fall for his mistakes. Husk would be a better expert than any of them plus it balances the power dynamtic. It’s healthy and realistic. Touches the topic with the sensitivity it needs. Not everything needs a ship or romance. Wounds healed that way dont stay healed long. Angel seems more fitting as a son like figure, and he can play that dad like role for him. And if any of the team EVER saw this, fucking take this idea. Its YOURS. FREE. FOREVER. If we wanna play this NDA but still reblog some of the story telling arts and have some of our team indulge in it. I wont sue. Fucking TAKE IT if it means doing this shit right because Spindlehorse have beautifully triggered so many different people and their different traumas to please teenagers sexual fantasies, their own kinks and for a jolly good joke.  This is a bastard long read and Ive had to face the traumas again but if good can come from it then I’ll GLADLY dance this duet again. Stans, Antis, dont even TEMPT interaction. You arent brave sending suicide threats behind a screen, youre a coward and a waste of oxygen. I WANT Hazbin and Helluva to succeed. I want Viv and her crew to do well. Trust me, I wouldnt waste my time if I didnt give a shit. Viv is fucking gifted and its being wasted if it’s not at her full potential for the approval of a rabid army of kids and immature adults who dont know any better (stans and antis). I know she would like a good and decent fanbase. Stans and antis arent it. Tagging you folks because it’s long but yall actually helped me have the courage to open my trap to this. Screenshots are coming later though all of what Ive said is easily sourced. But this has been days, Im sick, im tired, ive been upset facing my own traumas. If any tags wanna help then by all means but otherwise. @honesthazbinarchives, @siaesnow​ (also added age still bc despite the lack of physical aging, theres also the mental aspect and experiences as well as power dynamics side to it, in case youre wondering), @noirellearts, @enchantedchocolatebars​, @galemalio​ (thank you for letting me weep like a bitch), @angel-blitz​, @critical-hazbin​, @what-the-hazbin​, @hazboobhotel​, @pineapple-critiques-stuff​, @devils-advocutie​, SORRY AGAIN FOR BEING A LIL BITCH FOLKS, I feel awkward like my teen years but yeah- fuck it Im old and imma rot soon anyways. If this experience can help then Ill be glad.

[00gangfriend00]

I was tagged by @jade-marie and @bourbon-ontherocks to list my top 10 books  fics I read in 2020.

and lemme tell you..

i’ve been WAITIN’ for this one!!

This IS a bit tricky because I spent most of 2020 just lurking on AO3, no acccount, no commenting, no kudos. so there are just so so so many fics that I remember pieces of, and have little headcanons that LIVE with me but I have no idea who the author is or what the fic is called.  

so.. that being said, the top 10 is ever changing and could never be fully complete. I just love every author and every fic, you are all so wildly talented. 

❤  a song inside the halls of the dark - ms_scarlet  (@mego42 )

This fic has everything!! a sexy ex-lover rival gang leader, relaxed rio, angry rio, angsty kitchen sex rio. LOFT rio. AND it’s my favourite post-S2 reckoning of all time. There are moments in this fic that I just want to SPAM the gg writing room with. like scrap ur plans. DO. THIS.  Overall, this is such a creative and well-written series.  The characterization is superb, the smut has.... so many feelings, and the angst is AMAZING. There are a couple chapters (I wont give spoilers) that involves Beth in a hotel in Canada that I legit could not stop reading. it’s just all... so damn GOOD. favourite line: You thought I could be something, right? Well, this is that something. The bitch you trained bit back. 

❤  we’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks - BourbonOnTheRocks  (@bourbon-ontherocks)

Whew! this fic has EVERYTHING. safe house brio. KARMA. brio ignoring each other. snippy, cranky brio. baking shows. mick overhearing loud shower sex. zero communication. brio getting high and giggling! all the feelings. I looooove this fic. like I LOVE it.  it's so creative and it feels so real!! I can play it like a movie in my head. There is so much fun smutty build up, so much tension, anxiety and a very, very, good Thaw Of Feelings which is my fav. I will forever have a soft spot for safe house fics, but this one hilariously twists the trope by doubling down on their idiot stubbornness. genius. favourite line:  He's using her and she's using him. Maybe it's the only thing they're truly equal at.

❤  my girl - elizabethmarks (not on tumblr?)

This fic has everything!!!!!!! (but TW that everything is not for everyone, as the plot primarily revoles around a rape scene.) This fic sets up some of the most soft, emotional, protective brio moments. I also adore how this author handles the delicate subject matter. I work from time to time as a crisis advcate for women and ...... this fic is so accurate and well written. All the emotions beth feels, the way rio reacts to her. everything. I have read this SO many times. It also inludes a Mick POV that will TUG at your HEART.  favourite line: *When on route to Rio’s loft* Rio nods, with that gentle look he has. "Alright, mama. Let's get you home." There's a beat, they both catch it, but neither of them make the correction.

❤  working on things - odenkirk (not on tumblr?)

THIS fic, now this fic has everything!!!!!!!!! masturbation! sexting! weed-smokin horny rio! DEAN?!??! in a way that didnt repulse me???? SEX. kinda threesome??? a heck of a lot of things that I didnt think id be into but then read it and was like HUH, guess i AM. and last but not least, deliciously perfect characterization. This is a fic I ask you to take a risk on. It will pay off. Its fun and oooh soooooooo sexy. Yes, dean goes to pound town too, but I promise- odenkirk makes it WORK.  Blush meter: off the charts. I had to put my phone down and reckon with Jesus.  favourite line:   Rio: Don't get precious, sweetheart. It's you cuz it's you.  AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

❤ miles before you sleep - FakePlastikTrees (@nakedmonkey)

THIS AUTHOR has EVERYTHING! FakePlastikTrees is one of those authors where... I read one fic - then buckled my seatbelt and clicked on her account so I could systematically read through every. single. fic. They are often short scenes that feel so true. Her Rio characterization makes me green with (benevolent) envy. and her smut?? oof. top notch.  This fic in particular lives in my heart because it really truly feels like a missing GG scene between Beth and our favourite tattooed babysitter. The atmosphere is tangible and the author slows time down for these two, it stretches out like you are smokin in the suburbs with them. I love a MickFic and this one is top tier. 

favourite line: “Oh come on. He’s a little unhinged.” “Takes one to know one.” 

❤  people can be so cold - s_t_c_s (@sothischickshe)

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh this fic has EVERYTHING. scrabble competitiveness! annie speaking truths! christmas beth! christmas rio?!?! delicious bickering! CABIN isolation!  gift giving perfection! I could go on and on and on.  This fic just pulls you straight in. stcs crafts the timeline so effortlessly, and weaves it with so many endearing and authentic feeling details (beth has her own ‘guys’ now, and we know this bc she gives them sweets and food. OF COURSE) The longing between her and rio is so RICH. if you want your heart to swell a million sizes - this is the fic for you.  favourite line:  They hadn’t – been intimate yet, back when she got him arrested, or the first few times he’d shoved a gun in her face. And the sexual part had been all done and dusted prior to their, god, kidnapping and shooting fiasco. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t present throughout – a hovering spectre, forming a treacherous spine through all their endeavours.

  ❤ listening through the air shaft - ms_scarlet (@mego42)

now this fic. actually for real, has everything. because its every POV you never knew you NEEDED.  and mego42 absolutely nails each and every one. especially Dean. Its a complicated look into his blubbering sexist mind, and misguided fixations that is really well-written. The way in which brio has their own arc throughout the chapters, but told through the eyes of those around them - is amazing. this fic just makes you love every character even MORE.  favourite line: well.. annie, mick and ruby have a group chat and thats all you need to know. anytime that comes up = favourite line.

❤ instigator - nomind (@inyoursheets)

be still my bisexual heart. this fic has everyONE! Yes, this fic dissolves into perfect threesome smut BUT before you get there, you get this awesome set up of a dangerous-feeling connection between Rhea and Beth. They are honest, open and fully acknowledging the fuckedupness of their desire. For how small a part Rhea has in the show - this author NAILS her voice, it’s uncanny. Both of them talking about rio? sign me up. Rio coming home to it? sign me UP.  favourite line: “Jesus,” she hears behind her. “What am I looking at right now?” Rhea smiles down on her, ignoring him, running her fingers through Beth’s hair.

** shout out to another be-still-my-bi-heart fic : @sothischickshe​’s “its a dirty, dirty, game”

❤ do not pass go - linzackles @mrslackles

this. fic. has. every. thing.  I am currently putting every single important thing in my life on hold to PLOUGH through this series. like full speed ahead. UGH. marcus!!! beth and rio at an event! a fancy one! big bad business dudes! betrayal! beth making bad choices! rio unable to fully communicate the weight of his desire for her! angst! just excellent, excellent, excellent plots. i like everything!!!!! favourite line: truly impossible. they are all art. but this one made me cackle.  Shrugging, she responds. In the bathroom, eating nuts.Annie’s reply comes through instantly. Rio’s???????

❤  meet me under the mistletoe - sdktrs12 (@sdktrs12)

this fic.... has.... everything. I want to include this not only because I loooOoOOOved it, but also because this author just has a talent for creating holiday themed brio fics that are not in the slightest cheesy, or forced. which is... hard! to! do! I read her halloween series while in quarantine, and it became apart of my little daily routine. each fic containing at least one moment that made me go AHHH these two!!!!!  so in short - thanks for infusing all my holidays with stellar brio. then christmas comes around and she nails it again! beth and rio begrudgingly working late?   YES. they migh each have a date but they dont DARE talk abut their jealously? YES. Bourbon as a third character? haha YES! Beth looking smokin hot? YES.  favourite line: “Is that your move? Meet me under the mistletoe?”  “Oh baby, you know my moves.”  

and PHEW. there ya go! 

Thank you amazing fanfic authors for making my year 10000000% better. 

I TAG @whiskeyjack @purplemagic @sdktrs12 @joeyjoeylee @ama-ssiempre @roxy206

[thequeenb]

Could you possibly write a poppy x mc fic where poppy cheats on mc😂🤷‍♀️Idk I’m just in the mood for some angst(you can choose the ending. That is if you write it😂😭)

Poppy x MC

Poppy and i have been dating for almost 6 months now and she is everything i ever dreamt of. She is fierce and powerful but a softie behind closed doors. She is starting to be more true to herself, even though we go through many arguments i know its her defence mechanism to avoid feelings

I am eating lunch with Zoe chatting about how i plan on taking Poppy to a romantic date "And i guess we will watch the stars together andddd i dont have to tell you the rest"

"Babe you leave the most important information for later now we have to discuss about--" but before she could finish her sentence our phones buzz, probably a stupid update from the T

Good morning beautiful people of Belvoire, except you Charlie, get your nasty dog away from designer bags. Anyways i have a very important announcement to make darlings, we all know the most powerful couple of Belvoire but uh oh is there trouble in paradise?

Yesterday afternoon our dear Queen Bee and her ex Carter were spotted having a steamy make-out, you don't believe me? Take a look at this picture. I am sorry Bea but are you that surprised?

Kisses, The T

My phone drops from my hands as soon as i see the picture. Everyone turns around to look at me but i feel my pulse ringing through my ears. Poppy cant do this to me can she? Maybe this is all a sick joke or fake information but it isn't. I look beside me and Zoe zoom in the bracelet i bought her a week ago, this is true.

"Babe i want you to take a deep breath okay? Just breathe" Zoe pats my back and i try to follow these simple instructions but I can't, how can i be so damn stupid?

My lungs cant obey and my mind starts racing. I can hear people whispering around me, others are pointing and others look at me with pity expressions.

And there she is. Walking in the pathway Poppy and Chloe can be seen approaching me. Some gasp and i can tell she hasn't read the blog yet, probably too busy sucking Carter. The thought of him touching Poppy makes my blood boil so i get up before this turns into a murder scene

"Hey love! Grab lunch with me at the mall?" She is smiling at me and thats when my mind screams at me to just leave

"Stay away from her Poppy" Zoe stands between us and Chloe rolls her eyes

"I think Bea has a mouth so why don't you step aside? What happened darling?" Her eyes look at me worryingly but then she knows exactly what happened

"I knew you were bitchy you know, just never thought you would do something so low" i say looking at the picture on my phone

Poppy looks around noticing everyone is watching and listening to our conversation "I can explain Bea lets just--"

"No. Everyone know, everyone saw" my voice breaks, i cant even look at her. I scan her body and face, where Carter touched her last night and all i can see is red

"Why? I gave you everything didn't i? I was patient with you God i even handled your awful attitude that i didn't deserve" i walk towards her, my tone is harsh but i only know how my heart breaks into million pieces

"I hope he was worth losing me" i push her shoulder walking past her, Zoe following behind me. No one dares to say a word nor look at me, they all mourn my broken heart they all respect my pain for now. I walk as fast as i can trying to avoid the walk of shame

I find a nearby bench and i sit down collapsing in Zoe's hug. She is caressing my back trying to soothe me, the tears become body wrecking sobs and all i can try to do is take deep breaths

"Let it all out girl, i am here for you"

I pull back wiping my eyes "W-why would she do that? I am not enough?" I look at her completely broken

"You are everything anyone would ever want, she choose to not see that, she choose to give in to her desire but she didn't thought the risk was losing you" And she is right, Poppy thinks that she will always have what she wants but this time she will learn what losing someone important means

Am i even important at this point? When she was making out with her ex was i even on her mind? I cant think a single reason for her to do this to me. I gave her my attention, i gave her my affection and most importantly i gave her my heart, the one she broke

"Can i stay alone for a minute?"

"Are you sure love?" Zoe asks concerned and i nod. I don't want anyone to see me in such a mess

She gives me a tight hug before walking away and i am left alone with my thoughts. Why Poppy? We were making such progress and you had to ruin it with one action. Would she even tell me if The T didn't upload that stupid photo? My mind is going to million places thinking of every possibility

Shaking i pull my phone out opening the photo album i made for Poppy and I. Hah isn't it ironic? The first photo is us sharing a milkshake, it was the first time someone took her to such a simple date and she told me that night that she feels safe with me.

The second one is us kissing. Zoe took that when we went to Coney Island. We were at a kissing booth and she was so jealous that she paid the girl there so she could take her spot just to kiss me. I love teasing her, she gives me a precious smile everytime

As i scroll down remembering all these 6 months, how fun they were how refreshing. Suddenly my phone rings and of course its her. What do i even do? I cant listen to her melodic voice right now, i feel like it will be the cherry on top so i let it ring until it stops. To my surprise she left a voice message and taking a deep breath i hit play

"I just saw the new update of The T. Its not what you think Bea i swear. I wanted to spend this day with you but i guess this gossip garbage had to upload something so shitty. I dont like Carter i never truly did, when i watched you walking away my heart broke" Tears fall freely from her eyes as she takes a deep breath

"I know i messed up, i know i cant pretend this didn't happen but please don't go. I am not the one to beg but i.. I can't lose you, just let me explain please" her voice breaks from the tears, her tone is painful to listen to "i..i love you Bea, please call me back"

Have you ever played this game when you were a kid, where you hold your breath under the water counting how much you can hold on? Thats how i feel right now. The air abandon my lungs hearing these last words. I didn't had the opportunity to say those three damn words

And that moment i feel my chest rise and fall. I try so hard to not let the wave of sadness overpower me, i desperately try to swim to the surface, helplessly cry for help. Fresh tears roll down my face and my breath stops completely

I find heartbreak fascinating. How can one word or a sentence make your heart sink to your stomach? How can an organ that took months to built breaks in a blink of an eye?

Heartbreak. The moment where your lungs mourn and take your breath away for a while. The moment you can hear it cracking, opening in two without your consent. Its violently beautiful to feel human, but everything comes with a cost, loving her came with a cost

Every beautiful memory pass through my mind like a blur and everything is replaced with pain, with sorrow. Finding my strength i deal my mother's number

"Mum? I am coming back home" i whisper trying to find my voice

I will leave everything behind. Every corner of this university is reminding me of her, every classroom every bench every inch. And that's what a foolish mistake leads to Poppy, i hope you remember that.

Tag list: @lolimugly @origmansello @greatestflirt-hero @mvalentine @otakufangirl-12 @sugarplumpnhoneybun @princessstellaris @coldbatfriendroad @indecisive-choices @i-loveeveryone @kiara-36 @ognenniyvolk @somewillwin @it-lives-in-braidwood-manor @ghalind @sergeant-pepper-loves-choices @dibberdipper @justastranger-passing @nydeiri @tyrils-star