#i dont know for sure atm since all the context i have is a 'we need to talk' text from my mother in law/landlord

[lycanr0t]

planned on drawing silly faggots today but instead i might be getting the worst news of my life 👍

[richkidcityfriends]

your opinion on 2022 winter Olympics

okay so im assuming this is only about figure skating and i mean oml there was so much going on. below the cut bc i think this is gonna be long.

okay so FIRST OF ALL the kamila valieva situation. where to begin. (as a note: none of this is a statement on her except in relation to the 2022 olys)

the positive test being from rusnats and only being found out in february is weird. idk if we ever found out exactly why that happened? but i can only assume it was meddling from the russian end.

i think the media response was cruel, and i think part of that was a lot of people were trying to talk about it without knowing the full situation, but the amount of vicious hate and blame kamila received was unjustified. she was fifteen years old and in an abusive situation, to what extent she knew about the doping is irrelevant in my mind, the blame falls on the adults in power (mainly her coaches). eteri tutberidze is notoriously controlling and abusive, and there is no way any of that was happening without her being responsible. she controls the amount of WATER her skaters can drink. skating at that level, especially in russia, your coach is practically your primary guardian; if eteri told her to dope then there was pretty much nothing she could do. only eteri girls were ever going to go to the olympics, if she switched coaches that would have ended her life's goal (and the way they train is so all-consuming that to not get to the olympics at all would have felt life shattering).

should she have been been allowed to skate? i dont think so. at least partially bc it essentially proves to coaches that you can "get away with" doping as long as the people you are drugging are children. obviously having an athlete who has taken performance enhancing drugs is unfair to everyone else, but that goes without saying. HOWEVER i do understand the worry that the test could have been wrong or she might not have known, either way it would have been unfair to her. (the "irreparable harm" quote is always taken out of context - they meant that if she skated and was found guilty they could strip her of the medal, but if she was banned and found innocent there was no fixing it). ultimately though i think letting her skate was the wrong decision (especially since the case STILL hasnt been settled).

i dont think eteri told her to throw the free to make sure the others got their medals, because she looked so traumatised afterwards and eteri reacted so badly (ive never understood this theory tbh)

that was the first scandal from the olys but oml it was definitely not the last. there was so much going on. olympics from hell. lets talk about the womens podium.

(but first a note on ultra c elements: do i think the sport is suffering because of the increased value placed on jumps? yes. do i think artistry is important? absolutely. do i think there is a conversation to be had about the morals of training young children (especially girls) to do dangerous jumps that cause permanent damage to their bodies? one hundred fucking percent. things need to change in this sport. however. i will make repeated references to whether or not someone is jumping ultra c when discussing the podium, because that is how its scored atm, and i do think that they aren’t irrelevant (it is a sport, athletic feats are also important) just please please know that i am also taking artistry into account its just harder to objectively phrase in a short paragraph and this is already long enough). okay caveat over. please no one attack me. lets go.

look i KNOW the most pressing question is do i think anna deserved gold HOWEVER. have you considered. did anna deserve to be sent to the olympics at all. and this makes me insane because like?? skating like she did at the olys?? yeah she probably deserved to be there!! so it kinda seems mean to talk about this but ALSO i feel like we definitely have to not forget it so. the russian olympic team was pretty much based off of the podium for rusnats, which that year was kamila, sasha, anna. but anna in third place was veryyy controversial bc like. she had no ultra c elements at all (and her tech is DODGY so without them it gets even harder to justify her high scores) but elizaveta had a triple axel (and better tech) so a LOT of people thought that she should have come third, but rusfed just wanted to send anna to the olys instead (which i pretty much agree with).

but okay whether you like it or not she DID make the olympic team so. womens olympic podium. a grenade of a question. everyone is allowed their own opinions on it im not saying anyone is wrong if they think differently!!!!! also im only going to talk about the top five bc this is already wayyy too long.

i know on tiktok a while back the popular opinion was that wakaba should’ve been gold, which i don’t really agree with, however she absolutely should not have been fifth. no doubt in my mind she should have been at LEAST fourth, if not third. kamila should have been behind her i don’t care how many quads she was attempting, she fell like five times. she got through on reputation and the eteri bonus alone. kaori did skate cleanly, but with no triple c, and her tech isn’t great on some of her jumps, so wakaba (who fell on a jump, but had a triple axel, and generally better tech and artistry imo) could have come third and i would have been happy. anna i go back and forth on, because her artistry is alright, and technically she does jump quads, but her tech skills are SO questionable (her quad lutz is neither a quad nor a lutz). the tech bar for quads is lower than for triples, and i do kinda think that makes sense, but her quad tech is worse than most of the other quad jumping girls so it’s a fair comparison. i don’t think she deserved gold, but im never fully sure about silver either. honestly her, wakaba, and kaori can fight it out for second/third/fourth. in terms of actual skaters i like wakaba best, in terms of who performed best on the day i think you could make a compelling argument for any order.

that of course leaves sasha in first place. i know she fell on her triple axel in the short, but the only people who didn’t fall at all were anna (i’ll talk about her last) and kaori, and while triple c elements aren’t the only important thing, the skater who fell on one and landed five kind of has to be above the skater who attempted none at all, imo, so that puts kaori out of the running. wakaba fell once as well, and she definitely has the edge on artistry, but i don’t think sashas artistry was as bad as a lot of people say, especially in her short, so i don’t think thats quite enough to put wakaba ahead of sasha overall. sasha’s tech skills were so much higher than the rest of the skaters that i think it would be almost impossible to bridge that gap with artistry alone. lastly theres anna, who ofc actually won the ogm. two clean skates, slightly better artistry, much worse tech (i know sasha’s tech isn’t perfect either, but she’s definitely better – id say thanks to plushenko). annas tech should have been called, if not her edges then at least for prerotation. sasha fell on a triple axel and anna landed a double in the short, sasha landed five quads and anna landed two in the free. taking into account how poor her quad tech is, i don’t think that her artisty is enough to pass sasha.

however!!!! again i want to reiterate!!!!! everyone is allowed their own opinions on this!!! i do not give a damn if you think that anastasiia shabotova should have come first!!!! go you!!! to each their own <3

now for something that i do think you can wrong about. the reaction to sashas reaction to the scores was appalling. she was seventeen years old (a CHILD) in an extremely high stress situation and had been told by her (abusive, manipulative) coaches that if she landed all five quads she would win, and when this turned out to be untrue she got upset and had what was clearly a panic attack, asked not to be filmed and was ignored by every cameraman in the area, had to immediately go in front of millions of people while still being a mess, and was then attacked from all angles for being “ungrateful” and “showing bad sportsmanship.” show some empathy. (especially ppl who are still giving out about it now “on behalf of anna” when they seemed to be at least friendly again as soon as the very next day)

OKAY WE’RE ALMOST DONE i mostly only follow women’s so the rest of this is going to be brief

sui/han deserved ogm, my sister and i were rooting for miura/kihara to do well but we knew there was no chance for a medal. loving seeing them do so well rn.

nathan chen’s costume was ridiculous. last time i said my nathan chen take i got eaten alive on tiktok so im not gonna say much about him. he did deserve gold tho.

scoring felt harsh on yuzuru. wish he’d gotten another ogm but it wasn’t meant to be. im glad he got to attempt the quadruple axel at the olympics at least.

papadakis/cizeron ogm deserved.

oh MY god i forgot about the team event. pls someone save me. im so sorry i know no one wants this much. this isn’t even the worst i can do. i have talked at my friends for hours straight before about figure skating. i cant help it i have no control. we are going to ignore the team event okay. Just give them their medals. pls. i beg. they still don’t have their medals. i know it sucks for the rest of the russian team if they lose the gold bc kamila was stripped but you have to give the rest of them their medals.

anyway if you made it until the end here is a gold star ⭐ i don’t know how you did it.

[bibbykins]

hi, im sorry for writing this to you and feel free to not answer if this makes you uncomfortable. At the time im writing, im just trying to look like im doing something valuable with my time (and one parasocial question, again you don't have to answer this, but i have no one i can trust i feel pathethic lmao)

so here's the thing, im a nursing student, i dont really like dramas (here i am talking about drama) but believe it or not that's the main reason why i transferred section during my second sem (biggest mistake yet) and this day, i felt humiliated by the whole class really and its because i gone to school (for context, we have this professor who doesn't really use socmeds and we practically have little to no communication with him) and this prof, we never had a decent class meeting with him since prelims mainly because 1. he don't like online classes so that's out of the question and 2. whenever we have face to face class, he has another class

with that said, last night ive aasked a bunch of my classmates if there was a class for today, they didn't know. all of them answered me that they do not know, i couldnt ask the class rep and class secretary coz i already felt that they didn't like me so i didnt wanna bother them. frankly i didnt wanna go to school coz i was scared id only go home after thirty minutes coz the probability of him having another class is high (but again, he already said before our schedule for today in person), and because i was scared for my attendance as well as we have tasks need to be passed to him, i just took the "sure" way to go to school even though i dont know if there was an actual class. turns out there was.

so i told my classmates about it in our class groupchat and for a lack of a better word, the class rep and the class secretary made their dislike for me very clear. and idk really, i dont know if im asking for pity but i really just feel so humiliated and idk if im the one whos in the wrong. its never my intention to be the teacher's pet its just that in my point of view, if there was no clear announcement that there was no class, then certainly we have a class. i feel so pathetic im sorry

again feel free to don't answer, i just dont know what to do with my self atm

First of all, thank you for being so kind and non-pressure-y with this.

Also, literally fuck ur classmates that's so mean of them??? You're not in the wrong, you literally just showed up for class! Don't let them make you feel like you are (easier said than done ik but still)

When I was in college, I was a huge worry wart and always tried to show up when I couldn't bc like bruh im paying for this class, im gonna get my money's worth.

All you did was go to class and let them know there was class. It's not your fault they took that as some slight against them. The realoty is they just felt :< about missing class and took it out on you. Class groupchats are 9/10 times a nightmare, also not ur fault.

You're not a teacher's pet or at all in the wrong!! They're in the wrong for taking their own emotions out on you who did nothing but go to class and tell them there was class!!

Pat yourself on the back for getting your money's worth and take a nice shower or bath, light a good candle, and know that their emotions are not your responsibility! You're not pathetic at all, in this kooky day and age, are you even a tumblr user if you haven't shared personal tea on anon? So no harm, no foul!

Rest easy tonight, dear anon. Be kind to urself 🫶

[bronzebtch]

nervous energy ft. personal issues (warning: long af) under read. but really im fine! just nervous <3333

so actually. for those who dont know, i'm 25 right? and im asian. there is some cultural context in there but im not gonna elaborate. but like, in december 2022, i was on this job — i was an assistant producer for a documentary company — and i... long story short: i really did love the people we interviewed, the places we've been, and the crew i was working with. but at the same time, the very person who was from my company (cause we outsourced most of our crew) really.... sorta really did me wrong. and ah!! im crying again writing this a little haha. but like, what i got away after quitting the job was that i was .... just this horrible fucking co-worker.

and the thing is, i know i did good. i know i did the best i could with what's given. like i was on my ass everyday arranging the people / the places we're meeting (bc we're dealing with a lot of academics and historians and museum curators etc), making sure the documents are settled and prepared, and having to be on top of the crews' general health whilst making sure we were wrapping on time so we can get to our next location. like!!! i really wanna believe i did well. but i also know i made some mistakes bc the miscommunication between me and my co-worker was so, so bad. and it just.... it left me so scarred.

and i kept thinking, you know. it's me. if i wasn't such a bitch, maybe this wouldn't have happened. but i also know logically its just honestly horrible miscommunication, and it was both our first experience on a back-to-back travelling documentary (hes like,,, 35+ male btw). and my co-worker and i did sit down and talked it through, but i still.... i left that meeting for some reason, like. not the same. like idk how to say it. i got home, and i had one of the most awful breakdown i've ever had. (like, to the point i got nervous trying to pick out a shirt to wear bc i didnt know how to dress myself.)

long story short, ever since i quit my job (ive been unemployed since jan 2023), i have not touched my computer for almost two months. i was so genuinely scared of it. making rhea in late february i think was like, the first courage i had to open up my laptop, and i'm so happy i did, and i'm so happy the friends i did gather here were welcoming as hell. you guys will have no idea how much everyday you guys encouraged me to do something else besides just.. mourning for my fate. i got motivation again to create because i'm writing with many of you. but the thing is... i've been trying to apply for jobs but i cannot do it. i can't. i can't open my email. i can't open my whatsapp. it terrifies me!!! and i don't know what to do, because i want to have a job, i want to keep moving forward, i don't want to always be afraid, but i am!!!!! i am!!! and im so sick of it!!!!

i want my parents to be proud of me again!!!! i had so much potential and i was so smart and i was so bright, i graduated with honours and 3.8 CGPA, and now what am i!!!! im none of those things!!!!! i feel like all i am are my mistakes!!!! and im so frustrated!!!!! and i want to get my shit together so i can provide for my sister and i can go out and eat with my friends!!!! but my god, even waking up sometimes is so, so hard. anyways .... i know this is long, but - if you're wondering why i'm slow atm, this is why! bc im rlly hoping i'll get a job by april :(( i'm okay though. i just. i need to let this out somewhere.

thank u for reading. rant is over :')

[dontcallmecarrie]

Hey, I vicariously live in my imagination to escape from the reality.

So, I have been wondering about the Rogues reaction to Tony defeating thanos, the IronSmaug, taking over the world etc...

Have a go at it, if you are interested.

It's also fine if you dont.

thanks, I really, really needed the distraction. it's been. an interesting week. not in a good way.

.

tbh, the whole 'what does Team Cap think about this mess?' thing in TWiFFON is...something I had originally been torn about, and everything that's been happening ever since means I keep finding myself going "do I have the energy to tackle this? lol no".

For some context, because you probably know my stance on this sort of thing but I prefer redundancy just to make sure we're on the same page: once upon a time, I honestly, genuinely did like the Avengers. All of them, and yes, that included Wanda [...for less than an hour, but still].

Back when I still had faith in the writers, I was constantly going "...okay, so when are these guys going to stop acting so OOC? Where tf are they planning on taking these character arcs?" and just being disappointed at each turn— but I stuck around because I liked the potential. Steve "what do you mean punching fascists isn't cool anymore?" Rogers, Natasha "my past is a tire fire and I'll just leave it at that" Romanov, Clint "where's Loki? Let me at him!" Barton and the rest of the group had their good points, and I gave myself a headache trying to figure out wtf was their thought process when the time came for them to do their thing in TWiFFON.

It wasn't fun, I only did it because it was absolutely necessary... and I still ended up receiving complaints.

Look: for me, character bashing is exhausting. I have enough going down in my life that I don't have any interest in writing it, and over the past few years I've seen more than one of the fandoms I follow/lurk in become salt mines that have me going "...okay, if you hate it so much, why are you even here?"

When I write, I try my best to emphasize the 'actions have consequences' thing I learned long before I hit puberty; but that doesn't mean I'm up for anything beyond that. Again, I used to like these characters, so seeing the levels of suffering canon— and some writers— put them through just has me stepping back for a moment.

But TWiFFON attracted a lot of people who were pretty far out there in terms of what they wanted, some of whom got very very pissy when it wasn't the story I wanted to write, which is...probably like 99% of the reason I'm still burned out on that AU. Apart from the recent personal life bs that means I am Not Up To Dealing With any hypothetical rando that shows up in my inbox, because normally I could not care less about what people think but my energy levels are. Um. Not great atm. Not sure I wouldn't bite anyone's head off if they wanted to start something right now, tbh, or just ragequit writing for a while because I have way better things to do with my time than deal with random internet assholes.

...apologies for the tangent, but now you know why that situation is one I'm normally kinda reluctant on tackling.

As for what I'd originally headcanoned:

Back before things hit the fan, I'd originally planned to have some little interlude snippets of what Team Cap's been dealing with. Mostly, it would've forced them to acknowledge that for all none of them liked or trusted Tony, he was basically just the personification of what the rest of the world thought of them.

Nobody respects them, anymore, or trusts them; Clint'd be in very hot water and sleeping on the couch for a while, and Hank Pym would never let Scott hear the end of his involvement in this whole thing because Hank hates the Stark name and the English language cannot concisely articulate just how pissed off he was that he had to publicly thank Tony.

Team Cap overall would also start to fall apart at the seams as more and more stuff came out and ey, turns out the leader they'd trusted and broken international laws for had lied to them.

By omission, sure, but honestly— do you think that'd go down well? The "oh yeah, I've known my brainwashed friend killed his parents since DC but I am not going to tell him unless I'm forced to" thing?

I don't know about you, but I for one highly doubt Sam Wilson would be okay with that. Or Clint, for that matter, and the list goes on because the more time passes, the more stuff keeps coming out of the woodwork and for the first time in years, they're forced to deal with it.

One of the things I planned to include in the sidefic can basically be summed up as "the curious case of Bucky Barnes": that is to say, what'd happen after he's taken into custody, and poke lightly at the clusterfuck we're unpacking here. Tony, feeling bad for losing control in the bunker, would basically go "shit I fucked up but I also never want to see him again but he's an even bigger mess than I am, that's a whole lot to unpack so you know what? I'm just throwing out the suitcase entirely here, have all the resources for support and help and if I ever see you again, it'll be too soon".

...to sum up, it's messy af. SI Legal would feature heavily because his particular case means he needs a team of lawyers, what with the 'former POW who's trying to recover from All The Trauma' thing, and the 'so I literally was just trying to buy some damn groceries when you guys dragged me into this', and Tony basically went "hey, so if anyone wants to help him, uh, I kinda have some interest in this one. Fair warning, dude probably killed Kennedy while mind-controlled, with our luck".

And along the way, there'd also be some of that one subplot I'd cut due to pacing issues: specifically, the one dealing with prosthetics.

Remember how Miriam Sharpe said her son would never walk again? Yeah, we'd be revisiting that: her family'd get a letter or something inviting them for clinical trials, and meet Rhodey in passing as he's using his own leg braces to get around because he's still healing. Bucky would get a few design offers for a free replacement for his arm, and it'd probably end up being a collab with Wakanda because T'Challa feels bad for his role in that mess as well.

So Team Cap would be seeing this, seeing how everyone's acting and reacting, and the way one of their own is getting all the help and support Stark Industries has to offer and realizing that yeah, they messed up. Big time.

...depending on my salt levels and how close we're sticking to canon, I was thinking this'd go one of two ways.

Either they'd double down and just go "ugh, Tony is a supervillain and we can't do anything about it!" while TWiFFON marches on and then later go "...you mean he did it by accident?!", or...

Well, canon's proven character development and continuity isn't really in their writers' vocabulary. So my original idea of 'they're forced to deal with the reality of the situation, acknowledge they messed up and slowly move on with their lives' would've been very unrealistic.

Again, most of this is intentionally vague, I had not been keen to tackle that mess in TWiFFON in the first place and the way things exploded on me means I really, really don't have the energy to do so now. Not when there's far better things I could do with my time, like mess around with AUs where people actually get along, or knit, or— well, the list goes on.

[surviving---not---living]

What the fuck do I do?...

**tw emotional/physical abuse mentions**

posted this on reddit with different ages and such so he wont find it but he doesnt use tumblr so I wanted to post here to see if yall had some suggestions as well any help would be greatly appreciated or to just know someone read would also be enough... with that said I'll paste the post.

to start I'm 23f and the fiance is 38m

I have an idea of what i should do i just sincerely dont want to i dont want to leave him homeless and without money or a job...

but the last few months have me scared and confused...

(during arguments he let's me write down what's happening when I hear something that stands out to me in Hope's itll help me fix my behaviour i got from my parents so ive been able to write down exact wording on some things said) theres just so much going on...

to preface this hes never been physically abusive to me and thankfully it's not there yet. in his defense though i was raised very incorrectly due to shit parents and I have a lot of mental issues that cause self sabotage, delusional thinking- meaning If I personally believe something it usually takes a small war to get my mind to recognize im actually wrong, as well as terrible memory so if I do acknowledge I've done something wrong more often than not my head forgets what happened or what i even did wrong if anything and the next time it inevitably happens again I have no information to pull from to tell me what I did was wrong or why. so basically I'm kind of a fuck up, I'm doing my best to fix my shit but yeah my fiance has been dealing with all of that for 4 years now.

(*some minorly important issues

•he's been interrupting me not letting me finish what I'm saying and just outright changing the topic since we first got together, although wrong of me I started doing that as well because i saw no other way to be able to speak to him except even when I'm doing the exact same shit hes doing it seems like hes the only allowed to be upset.

•we were in an open relationship except he didnt follow the rules we agreed to one time and that broke my trust I had for him. we said no coworkers, we said only people we were both interested in we said no one that's taken and yet all of those got broken over an ugly bitch. and I still get shit for bringing it up to this day.

•he said that until I start prefacing all of my conversations with him he wont count any attempt I've made at talking to him about my problems. so basically everything I've tried talking to him about doesnt fucking matter and it doesnt fucking count. not even when I tried telling him 3 separate times I'm feeling suicidal to top it off everytime i mentioned it, it ended in an argument.

•he told me he got suicidal thoughts for the first time in 10 years due to me and honestly I didnt know how to fucking respond to that. it made me sad yeah but where was the care I needed when I brought up the same thing? where was his give a fuck hes supposed to show if he actually cares about me??

•he says he interrupts me because what I have to say is either false, not grounded in reality, or they're excuses. except he has little to no way of knowing any of that is true unless he hears me all the way out I could be agreeing with him and he still interrupts and gets pissed.

•I believe hes a hypocrite but he says nah hes only doing this because I'm doing bad.

•hes said multiple times that i wont see any improvement in him until he sees I've got my shit together. even though hes the one that caused the first problems in this relationship I'm supposed to be the first one to fix my shit? instead of both of us working on our shit together??? and when I ask those questions he responds with yes you are supposed to be the first one to fix your shit because I'm at the end of my rope and I wont take this anymore.)

but on to why I've been scared. this person told me he used to be abusive with an equally abusive ex for many reasons and after splitting up he vowed to never do that again and never end up like they did.

fast forward to our relationship and well a few months ago he told me he wanted to hit me and made it a point to say he wasnt going to but he really wanted to.

he said that because we were both in my car and he wanted to leave with the car except I wasnt going to get out of MY car so he started yelling, i got scared and left later on he told me that was the first time hes ever wanted to hit me and I should think about what it is I did to get him to that point. after that I left it alone for a month because things got a bit better and then came the next time he said he wanted to hit me. now I dont remember the reason for him saying it the second time but I wasnt going to let that slip as easily as the first so I spoke up about it and what he had to say about me telling him it made me scared of him to know he wanted to hit me was " well if you Weren't a coward, normally when someone says they want to hit you it's a signal that you're doing something so wrong that they want to hit you." and me knowing him i knew this was one of those times he just wasnt going to budge.

so on to the next argument.

he told me I'm the one who thrust those thoughts into him, that I'm the reason they ever came to be, I'm why the exist in the first place. and he doesnt seem to understand when I say that no I'm not the reason your head wants to hurt me they exist there because of your last relationship letting that be an option. he also said he keeps the option of abuse in his head with a line in front of it to remind him to never pass that line and he doesn't understand that keeping that idea in his head at all is not a good thing because now the option is available whether you want to take it or not and

he. just. kept. arguing. and defending.

now on to the last argument.

he says he wants me to stop putting him in a position to do all the thinking and decision making for me, when I've asked him multiple times to stop doing that because I want to do shit for myself and all he keeps saying is show me that you can actually think for yourself and I'll stop needing to do that. like motherfucker at least give me the time to make decisions or thoughts.

I know it's not his fault that I take longer to process things but he knows this fact and keeps expecting me to already have a response half a second later to something I'm barely registering 5 seconds after it happened and again yes I know its something I have to work on and I am but atm it's still an existing issue.

hes trying to call thinking for me and making decisions for me "a gift" (the exact context for him saying this wasnt written down as I was too upset at the audacity of that claim.)

he wants me to show overwhelming efforts to fix my fucked behavioral issues but the efforts I'm putting in atm dont matter to him and that hes hanging on a single thread hes no longer willing to take anything but Absolute compliance(yes he used the actual words absolute compliance) if he doesnt see me losing sleep to figure out and fix my shit he wont be convinced I'm trying. he ended that segment with him saying hes not using these words to control or manipulate me. he says this is a requirement a yes or no and he wont make his decision on whether he wants to break up with me until I say yes or no to his absolute compliance. he said his decision is solely based on my answer and If i say yes i dont get to back off or get out of it.

I also wrote down a quote he said that was just so arrogant i couldnt leave it out.

"You sit before an artisan of problem solving." -my fiance

soo haha yeahh the last argument happened right before going to bed and I started typing this as soon as I got up and finished my hygiene stuff.

I'm pretty sure if he had never told me he'd wanted to hit me this wouldn't be such a difficult thing to answer... I love him and I have no idea if I should pick him and risk any form of my safety or just let him leave me.. he has no job, no money, and no family to go to.. I know he doesnt care about being homeless but I do care..I fucking love him and I dont want that for him not even for a day... as shitty as he and I can both be I still dont believe that's what he deserves... if he ever finds this hell be even more pissed that I'm even concerned about what he'll do if he leaves.. he always told me to not care and that if I ever do want to leave him to not worry about that and just get it over with sooner.. thing is I dont want to leave I just want my baby back... the one that didnt yell or didnt want to hit me at all... I want our old relationship back.. I guess I want to know if that's even possible at this point. any words from anyone would be really nice right now.. if only to just feel like someone's talking to me.. my fiance is literally the only person I talk to and the closest thing to a friend I have. and i dont tell my parents any of what's happening because they're stressed enough so I've been basically alone for 4 years with no one but my fiance to talk to..

granted it's my fault I havent made other friends but I've been so stressed recently that I havent done much about it for many reasons..

update: he just finished telling me that hes only had half a burger in the last 3 days, (due to stress) he just wanted to let me know that apparently.

[ghostlypawn]

hello since last night i've been thinking about how good watt would be as a netflix miniseries n then i remembered you made that edit so i wondered if you had any thoughts on how that would go 👀

okay i have Some already made thoughts and rambling just came up with thoughts

i would want it to start with the summer of the accident that made this all happen where we see everyone doing their thing:

idk if the accident happened at a game or competiton but im setting it at a football game so it can be tigers vs titans and we get to see eva

clark in the football game

some visual context about chess’ olympic past u know like some schools have clippings of student accomplishments on a board or like trophy cases or something

obviously the bad stunt happening

reese as mascot, possibly doing what she did in the show with the if chess needs a minute i can join but get rejecte

captain kimberly sexting the whole time x

i would want more indepth familial storys about some of them like annleigh/farrah before the sleepover (like we see annleigh getting dressed that could b a longer convo about how her parents expect her to take care of farrah etc) but like with all of them

i feel like it could be similar to the carrie tv movie (which is fitting considering its an insp for the show) where it intercuts with police interviews and the whole show is basically them re-living what happened that night for their statements

possible general overview w music (although could even b without):

ep 1 = flashback to the stunt and worst team ever (ends at the end of the song)

ep 2 = “does anyone have an update on annleigh/farrah” *straight cut to them arguing in the car outside, annleigh trying to take the bottle, whilst clark tries to stop them and then it cuts straight back to a silent team* “.........theres no service?”. dont even occurs. i feel like ending when kate and chess leave would be a solid place to end?

ep 3 = skype tomorrow,, i feel like possibly seeing flashbacks of their relationship could be here bc its not a very visual song?? sounds kinda cheesy tho. btb also happens here and the ep ends w chess dying

ep 4 = forever to farrahs death would probs b this ep but that feels like a squeeze bc its 3 songs so we might have to cut it at mattie being sick after captain of the team?

ep 5 = wallflower and defense

ep 6 = matties lament,, mayb over a montage of her being put into prison and possibly what everyone else is like at school like cairo not getting replies from riley and her watching motivational speeches n stuff jkdfkjfd (i feel like the shut tf u joke kinda wouldnt work as well idk?? i would possibly interupt it with a police interviewer confirming that mattie didnt think she was guilty but that makes it more serious idk it could still work),, phoenix also happens, ep ends at kate leaving?

ep 7 = move on to wallflower reprise mayb? once again 3 songs so may be tight but theres not a great place to cut

ep 8 = idk and the breakdown defo possibly could go straight the end? would like to bulk out the last scene a bit with actual apologies to reese and may some grave visiting and kateva and possibly cario visiting riley in prison and also the whole police statement thing would need to be wrapped up ?? (idk why but id kinda like riley to be portrayed more sympathetic instead of “psycho killer” like she had a mental break due to the stresses of needing to be perfect n i feel like that gets overlooked sometimes)

i feel like it could be stretched to 10 eps if it was cut well

i also think there could be some well done foreshadowing but i dont know how i would impliment it atm kfdfkj but the actual show does it well anyway in the script,, possibly add some visual foreshadowing for the tv show

im not sure if i have any other thoughts at this time but feel free to share some thoughts !! 

[koizumicchi]

I'm following you, and u keep talking about lipxlip and it made me curious. So I was wonder where do i start? Do i need to follow a specific order?

Hello anon and thank you for the follow!!! This may be late now but nice to meet you!!! And I apologize for this late reply!

It's a bit hard to map out but I'll do my best to make a guide :D This is long so buckle up!

LIP×LIP is an idol unit by HoneyWorks (haniwa for short). Haniwa is a music-inclined group producing their own original songs. The main members are: shito and gom, in charge with the songs, and yamako the main illustrator. There are also other support members like mogelatte and the band members, etc. Haniwa is known for their songs and the MVs they release that tell the stories of their characters. Before, they only upload their videos on nico nico douga (that's where I discovered them but correct me if I'm wrong, anyone) but they have their own youtube channel now.

LIP×LIP is a 2-person idol unit composed of Shibasaki Aizou and Someya Yuujirou. When they debuted, their last names weren't revealed so everyone got used to calling them by their first names. Aizou is the blonde with the hair tie; he is the 'wild' image of LIP×LIP, the cool guy, the sunshine brimming with energy, but in truth, he's resentful and usually seen openly angry at anyone when not in idol mode. Yuujirou is the blue-haired with uneven bangs; he is the calm side of LIP×LIP (like the moon), the gentle tones, the pretty boy; but outside his idol persona, he looks down on others inferior to him, and glares at anyone he doesn't like. Off-cam, he and Aizou don't have a good relationship; they argue and disagree with each other a lot... but they got along somewhere somewhen and are now partners or 'rivals' as they like to put it. They may be two-faced jerks, but trust me, they are valid (once you know where they are coming from) and eventually got better as a person. I'll let you in on a secret: they are soulmates but they just don't realize it yet.

That's basically the general summary. I try to avoid mentioning major spoilers but if you have more questions about them, you can try checking the wikia site and if that's not enough for you, my ask box is always open!

I knew LIP×LIP during their debut period but tbh right now I'm not exactly sure what direction should I point you to XD i guess you can start with their MVs. that's where I got to know them anyway. liplip wasn't that popular at first; they were meant to be side characters, I assume, but the fans love them too much and so LIP×LIP got too powerful and landed several collabs which lead to growing popularity.

MVs (they're on youtube dont worry, just search using their kanji titles) : 1. Romeo - debut, Feb 2017 2. Nonfantasy 3. Hitsuyou Fukkaketsu - only a short mv 4. Koi wo Shiyou - a collab so liplip isnt the focus 5. Yume Fanfare 6. Yappa Saikyou 7. Rodeo 8. Choco Kano 9. Chiisana Lion ft Minami

After Romeo, you can watch these in any order you like since they can stand on their own, except for Yume Fanfare and Yappa Saikyou - those you gotta watch consecutively.

Then there are the other MVs which liplip is featured: Heroine Ikusei Keikaku and Heroine Tarumono, among others. There's also the short drama video wayback in 2017 focusing on Aizou and Yuujirou being a bitch on this girl fresh out of a province (excuse me this makes me laugh everytime i remember it), subbed by Denzero - he has an fb page of the same name and he uploaded it there. Hopefully he hasn't deleted it. Watch it before Nonfantasy for more context.

And then there's the Docchi Kiss episode, released last year. I translated it myself, and with the help of some friends, we were able to sub it! I recommend you watch it after Yume Fanfare since it was released after that MV. You can actually watch it after Romeo (the ep is the making video after all) but I think the 'fanservice' wouldn't be that believable XD and of course the 2 drama tracks featured on docchi kiss!! I've made a sunmary of that as well!

The songs w/o an MV :'(( - Judge - Tsuki no Hime - White Day Kiss - Repaint - Fiancee (also on youtube but sung by vocaloids gumi and miku) - Seika (Yuujirou's solo) - Yellow (Aizou's solo)

I have translated these (except for Fiancee) as well, you can find them under my /translation tag. Please do not omit Seika and Yellow. I cannot stress this enough. That's where you'll understand Aizou and Yuujirou's relationship and their thoughts on each other.

There's also the light novels. I think there are about 3 now? For heroine ikusei keikaku, romeo, and kono sekai no tanoshimikatta. It isnt available atm unless you buy them of course. There are also short stories, written in Japanese but translated from Spanish by Mar @yume-fanfare, you can read them on their blog!

And of course, the big project!!! The anime film!!! Kono Sekai no Tanoshimikatta or How to Enjoy this World, to be released on 25th of December this year! It will reveal their pre-idol days, the audition, the days before and after their debut! You can check /HoneyWorksMovie on twitter for more information. and check out Haru's blog @takanenene for translation of the info. The OP and ED songs for the film, sung by LIPLIP themselves will be released on Dec 23 so we'd probably get an mv or two before that date!

Well, that ends it! Sorry for the lack of photos or direct links; our connection here isn't exactly stable for the past weeks :

[chowtrolls]

Why wouldn’t Bru and Toresce speak again?

oh boy! Long post ahead! Also this is so jumbled i just wrote a 7 page paper so im not organizing this.

TL;DR: They got into a very heated argument where Bruuno was trying to complain about the shitty things happening to him (as one does w/ a quad mate), and Toresce made fun of him, so he blew up. There’s a lotta issues and shit, below there is mentions of abuse, alcohol, self harm, and suicide.

Like he expected it to happen but not to the extent in which it did. He expected a little sympathy. So:

Toresce got angry and was basically like “oh boo fucking hoo poor bruuno who has a mate and moirails and people who love him, everything sucks for the dude whose life is so perfect” (Important context: Toresce had a meltdown and Bruuno was there for him, helped him, and then this happened and Toresce didn’t so Bruuno felt EXTRA betrayed) and bruuno snapped because he was completely sober in that moment. When he’s sober he tends to get angry very easily which is why he drinks as much as he does. Its an adhd thing. But Bruuno snapped, like, was not thinking straight. Said some stuff he shouldnt have, sorta begged Toresce to kill him for a moment then called him a coward when he didn’t, then had to be literally thrown out because he would have tried something stupider than begging the man who hates him to kill him. And, At the moment in the storyline, Bruuno is AWOL ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Kinda glad I haven’t gotten any asks for him since his muse is still incredibly pissed off. He is very prone to saying something he doesn’t mean when he’s angry. We weren’t sure if we were going to keep this canon but I feel like its an important development in their relationship.

It is kind of important to also note that this is similar to what Bubble would do if Bruuno had any issues. Downplaying his suffering, saying he has nothing to be upset about, it’s what caused him to start bottling things up in the first place. So to tell someone he thought was better than Bubble only for them to act like Bubble was a huge shock, could even go so far as to say it was a trigger. That’s not even something he can explain to Toresce. He can’t tell Toresce “Hey dont do that, my ex did that” because Toresce will just make fun of him, dismiss him again, or so Bruuno believes. 

For a bit I thought Bruuno would apologize but the more time has passed, the more I know he’s not going to. He probably won’t speak to Toresce until either A. Chow makes him or B. Toresce apologizes first. Toresce just massively confuses him, he doesn’t get The guy. He tried to care, then that was too much. He stopped caring, then that wasn’t good either. He cared again when Toresce had issues, then that was okay??? Sorta?  Then He asks for care back, and that isn’t okay, so he doesn’t get it. He doesn’t know what happy medium Toresce wants. So I think he’s given up.

He’s tired. Not a lot of Positive things has happened for him recently. His muse has gotten progressively worse and worse, I know he’s getting depressed. I can tell he is giving up. I’ve been frantically trying to think of something good that can happen to him to lift his spirits. He’s heading in a bad direction. He has no coping skills anymore, he is convinced now that he can’t tell anyone what’s bothering him, he can’t be around Shiloh atm (for other reasons) so there’s extra guilt on top of all that. He’s having a really rough time.

I’m not about to do anything w/o consulting any of the muns who are active in his life (Like his moirails or his mate), but it IS in Bruuno’s nature to run away and hide so in the moment he is avoiding being seen, probably hasn’t gone to his hive, probably only talking to his moirails. He doesnt talk to Pictor a whole bunch so that isn’t too much of an issue for him, theyre really busy. He also doesn’t like to tell people about his issues, he absolutely hates anyone thinking he could have an issue. Not because he thinks he’s perfect but because that makes him less capable to care for other’s. He admitted to someone how he actually felt, someone who is his rival so it was kind of humiliating, and having that kind of response just killed a piece of him. When I think too much about him i can feel how ruffled his feathers are, how bad everything feels. But this is a new situation: He can’t run off and do what he usually did to cope (which was sleeping around as a form of self harm, drinking, or (recently) tussling with a kismesis), he can’t drink himself sick, he can’t complain to anyone he actually loves because Obviously they’ll use it against him or do the same thing because Clearly Bubble Toresce is right (/s).

He’s having a very rough time at the moment. I honestly have not felt him be so low in a very long time. He was doing really, really good for a while, and things started to crumble and now the wall has shattered and he’s left with a bunch of dust. He’s not doing a very good job of piecing himself back together and I am eagerly trying to find something that can help because I’m not sure he’s going to want to open up to anyone anymore.

Do I feel bad? Kinda. But I’ve been there, I know what he’s going through, I’ll get him out of it one way or another. He’ll be okay. If Toresce ever apologizes, they’ll be okay. He won’t be back to perfect but he’ll be better. I think he will -eventually- tell a moirail what happened. I think he will -eventually- get better help. MegaDad and Leo are trying (Because currently Bruuno is hiding in Leo’s hive.)

He’ll be okay.

[phanbliss]

ok, so dont get me wrong but i think everyone is kind of freaking out a bit too much.. i myself died a little when dan posted the orbit of uranus thing and love of all the great phan content etc. but as i used to be a fan of them way back in 2011/12 and kind of stopped 2016ish because, to me, all the shipping and constant freaking out was just tiring. i ship them hard, used to read phanfiction and imagined my own little stories for them, but never publicly posted about it. 1/?

but as they came out i started watching them again and my heart fills with joy when i think about them being happy and i know how brutal it was in the early days with dans constant “i am not gay”. and to me people should keep it on the dl a bit more. i mean they came out, sure, dan HINTED that they may or may not be in a relationship and said nothing more, nothing less. as i am an adult i feel like we should respect them more as people?? yeah theories are great, i join in on them 2/?

do we really have to make up theories because they are now openly gay and plan a road trip so they must be getting married? i am just kind of irritated by all of this. i personally join in of course and want them to be married, but some people just take it too far right now and seem to forget, that we still dont know what their relationship status is atm. idk just dont get into it too much. i waited around 8 years for their coming out so maybe we have to wait another 8 years for a wedding?

anon, i’ve been here since 2012 too, and i am very much an adult - for context!

putting this under the cut because it got long oof

i don’t ship them. i can’t say i’ve ever shipped them. i enjoy their chemistry and their relationship, and i feel like that’s different. i have, for many years, believed them to be together.

i don’t need more proof of them being together, dan confirmed their relationship, and the things they said and did over the years already made it clear before.

i personally have no doubt about their relationship status.

that said, people should definitely be respectful of them, and i think that for the most part, they are? no one is tweeting or mentioning them directly, this wedding discourse is just people indulging because everyone is happy right now.

for me, i’m happy for them and i don’t care what they do next, as long as they are happy. it’s nice to see them so free and yes, dan’s joke from yesterday completely floored me. it’s an exciting time to be their fan, so i think it’s okay for people to get excited about stupid things just because they can, as long as they don’t bring it to dnp directly!

lastly - take all those theories with a grain of salt, i don’t know about others but when i read stuff like “dnp are getting married in vegas” i’m like “FUCK YES THEY ARE. lol” and i keep scrolling. i mean i don’t believe it in the slightest but it’s fun to read about and just to see people so hyped when the phandom was so quiet in the past months?

thanks for the ask and just know i fully respect your opinion, i’m merely sharing mine in return 💖

[fangwhoria]

11/11/11

thank you so much to @fluffythewritingplant the god of my existence for tagging me!!

Rules: Answer 11 questions, Ask 11 questions, Tag 11 people!

okay,,,, you asked 15 questions. you even numbered all of them, so it wasnt a mistake,,,,, idk if im just supposed to pick 11 or if you just got excited of if you legitametly don’t know what 11 is,,, Either way im gonna answer all of them cuz people who are bad at math are valid and i love talking about my wip!!

1. What is your favorite part of writing?

you know that moment when youve been kicking yourself over a plothole in your wip for ages, and suddenly something just pops in your head and all the pieces fall into place? yeah. that feeling

2. Do you prefer reading or writing?

i dont have much time for either right about now, but id have to say writing only because im kind of a control freak and if im writing the story it goes the way I want it to

3. How many people have read your stuff?

not many! those of you who see my posts on here and one of my friends occasionally. im very self concious about people who can see my face reading my stuff

4. How many people irl have read your stuff?

like,,, maybe 2

5. Are there any books or movies that inspired your writing?

percy jackson made me a writer

6. How many WIPs do you have?

only one main one atm, but another has been pushing at the back of my mind for a little while, but that ones just a couple of scraps of story

7. What are some ideas you had to throw away because you just didn’t have the time to work on them?

ive nevr had to throw things out because of time, but ive had to scrap some cool things because they either didnt fit in the plot, like in one of the early versions of FYofH where Johanna was acting as a fortune teller during the time Delilah was deceased, or a year ago i really wanted to write something about fairies but i just didnt have enough ideas for that story to really develop it at the time. One day ill go back to it

8. Have you ever written any poetry? Wanna show some of your stuff?

lol i hate writing poetry with a passion, but here ill write a quick one, just for you

*ahem*

Sometimes

I want to 

lie down

in the woods

and become one 

with the roots

There you go! an elle original! right off the top of my head!

9. What’s your favorite line/scene you’ve ever written (several are possible of course)?

im particularly fond of this one from a couple days ago: 

She felt like ice was building up inside her, starting at her heart and encasing her internal organs, then her bones, until ice was forming around her eyes and mouth and slowly covering her entire body until she was nothing but ice, an icicle previously known as Johanna.

and since im too lazy to go through my file of nice lines by elle, heres a thing i wrote at 3 am a month ago while high on cold medicine:

Shes In love with the giddess of desath beacuaes she loves biug tiddie goth gf but since she s agod they canmt be togtgher and since shes a witch he cant deie to be w her so its angsty and sad but big tiddie sun lady UInserstands the gays and is like “its okay lol”n ajnf that s hweom its endas

10. What’s your favorite quote

not really a quote but the whole song No Choir just really inspires me, ya know? like happiness doesnt have to be this big amazing complicated thing, it can be as simple as just sitting with someone you care about

11. What’s your favorite quote by someone you know?

“Knowing the surface area of this chef boyardee party hat is important because if your child has such a big brain from eating so much chef boyardee, we have to make sure the hat will fit”- my friend while she and i were giving an academic presentation. i will give no more context than that

12. What’s your favorite book?

SO MANY--- Carry On will always have a special place, as well as Percy Jackson, and i LOVE the Raven Cycle SO MUCH  and miss peregrines is super wild but soooo my aesthetic

13. Which book do you regret reading?

looking for alaska by john green

14. Is there something you regret writing?

i dont regret anything iveever written. they were all learning experiences that were essential tomaking me a better writer. 

Okay maybe i regret that lams college au just a little

15. If your OC’s were actual people in your life, what would your relationship be like?

they would all be annoyed by me because im annoying

if you actually read all of this youre my hero

my 11 questions are to pick 11 questions from the list i just answered

tagging these absolute heroes: @lauraswritingjournal @nkta-ink @vasilisapeadarsan @inexorableblob @cawolters @kenny-d-juice @katabasiss @floortile-flowers @writer-in-drag @towaniisme @ink-on-poppies no pressure yall!

[motherofkittens94]

tagged by @mrs-storm-andrews  im not sure when i only just so sorry if this was a while ago 

10 ship questions 

Ultimate OTP: maybe throbb or theonsa or the best ship of all theon + happiness +  kittens + life 

A ship you’ll always love: other  than above jaime / brienne vanessa / ethan rose / the doctor ( specifically tenth doctor but can be others ) also jon and ygitte thats my only major jon ship still 

My current obsession: atm probably andrew / neil though i didnt actually ship them to begin with and at first i was genuinely gutted that andrew / kevin wasnt a thing instead lmao i mean i wouldve picked kev if it were me but obviously its not haha i love my boys tho 

occasionally i inda ship drarry but only in certain context you know and my theonsa level intensified after the hugs and hasnt gone down since 

A ship you never thought you’d like: i didnt like theyne - theon  +jeyne p- at first but now i do see the appeal but i still prefer them as a brotp also i dint think i would like jaime and brienne because i really dint like jaime to begin with  and im not a fan of j + c together but now its one of my favourite ships 

A ship you liked but don’t anymore: hmm idk - well once upon i time i did ship tyrion shae but i hadnt read the books then and i didnt the know how it would end so

A ship you think should be canon: Theonsa its unlikely i guess but i would love it f they were canon  and honestly if jaime and Brienne dont end up together i will kill everyone in the room and then myself  - also i tots wanted bran and meera omg that broke my lil heart maybe grrm can come through for me there

A canon ship you hate:  hmm canon the ones i hate most arent technically canon or at least like in a relationship kinda way- but a canon one i dont like is j L and c L in got though i follow a lot people who like it - for other things than that obviously - but i just kinda blur it out  in my mind and pretend i dont see  it  also ethan and Hecate like no thanks was that necessary? no it was not 

A ship you’ve been shipping for years: ron and Hermione and also throbb

A ship everyone loves but you don’t care about:  rey   lo    - i  dont hate it i actually think some of the hate it gets is over the top  but i really dont care sorry  i dont feel the hype at all i like rey and i like kylo but just dont ship them at all im not interested im not invested that way also i love fnn rey but a lot of their fandom is kinda yikes so i dont wanna get too involved i just grab gifs and then leave again the sw fandom on here is generally a bit of a mess so i tend to stay on the sidelines 

Favorite rarepair:  does throbb or theonsa still count as a rarepair? also i secretly w like theon / Ygritte and also mine and @blueagia s own rarepair theon / domeric we basically invented it lmao also i i totally ship aaron and matt now and i only found out that was a thing like last week but im super down idk why they like one full conservation ever and it was like  i dont understand why are you always such a prick what did i do  to you and hes just like piss off  i mean that wasnt it exactly but essentially it was that- but  im  like omg what if i did ship the series’ only nice guy with my grumpy son totally works aha and  they have practically no base so you can do what ya want  its free real estate 

tagging @lyledebeast  @duchess-of-tales  @iladylittlefinger  @proskenion04

@faller1344 @saltyjos  if you want to do it :) 

[lady-0f-time]

The Final Problem - Breakdown

so i just watched Sherlock "The Final Problem"

i had listened to all the fans who disliked the episode and i decided im going to do an episode breakdown to make everyone feel a little more at peace with the episode. now i understand there

may be some things that dont make sense in the episode and i understand that what i write here cannot make those things any better than what the writers had already intended. so lets

begin with the epsidode breakdown!

we start off the episode with Euros shooting john with a tranquilizer and a little girl in an airplane. now i understand how and the end the airplane was a metaphor for being mentally unstable

but i felt that it was more of a distraction. but in the end, it made sense (we'll get to that part in a moment))

we see that for some reason the little girl is on the airplane and she is the only one awake. everybody else is asleep. to me this paralles the plane of the dead we saw a the previews episode.

what we know about this plane is tat it was supposed to crash and the passengers were supposed to die so they put dead poeple on the plane so that when it crashed there wouldnt be any

dead people in the terrorist attaack. ((atleas thats what i got from it). we see the air masks hanging from the cabin roof and we see the stewardess on the floor, it looks as if she has been

attacked and and that the plane has been taken over by terrorists. although its highly unlikely that this is the situation, it looks to be if that could be a possibility. yet when they flash to the

cabin we can see the inside of the cockpit which is usually behind a very thick door that keeps people out so there cannot be a hijacking. now if th plane is in darkness heading from possibly

somewhere in the UK or europe we can infer that the lane is heading west over the pacific ocean possibly. what this means is that  Euros is imagining herself going home to the UK (which

would be west) i say the pacific because we're not told where the plane is. we dont find out til the end that its actually a metaphor so sherlock might think she's on another half of the planet. (i

imagine this part being where she may have had a bad trip to sherrinford and since she's been there since she was a little girl, she has no other memory of being on a a plane possibly and she

is imagining the ocean between sherrinford and britain. her more emotional half is still the age of a young girl where nobody can understand her, nobody can talk to her and she see's her

mental state crashing into the ground and she is begging people to answer her.   Next we come to a scene were we see mycroft sitting and watching a movie involving a woman and a police officer and he seems to know the movie word for word. I feel this has little to do

with anything other than context. we see the film start to flicker and show home movies from his childhood but he cant understand what is going on and it starts to scare him. we know that

mycrof is a very reasonable man and can undrerstand many logical things that even sherlock sometimes cant. what we know is that the unknown shacers the holmes boys and euros more

than anything else. skipping through the scene we se a clown, a little girl and a multi use umbrella. mycroft loves his umbrella, it reminds me of when he first met john. the clown seemed a bit

over the top and i can only assume that its because mycroft might be afraid of clowns but that is probably for another time. once sherlock admits that he was at fault in scaring his brother we

see john very forward about how it was his idea to get him to tell the truth only when he was scared shitless. john seems very angry at mycroft but we can obviously deduce the reasoning

behind this as it has always been john who is disliked around mycroft, as if he is intruding in his brothers space, making him more emotionally attatched to things. we know that sherlock has

gone out on a limb for John many times including faking his death and even accepting the possibility that he might die at the hands of a serial killer. at that point in the last episode we know

sherlock doesnt want to die but he trusts john with his life. he trust him sometimes more than he can trust himself and that is what makes john sherlocks heart and his motivation for

everything he does.  mycroft is upset when he finds out the euros has "escaped(?)" from sherrinford and we learn that it was Euros who spent the night with sherlock eating cps and talking about her father

being a killer (we know it was the other girl) but euros either way, performed wonderfully as the daughter. we know mofftiss like to use mirrors and we can see john in her. her limp, her

readiness for death and how she dresses. we see sherlock, who is dying because john is no longer the light in his life, the motivation behind everything he does and for a moment, he takes her

into the night and she becomes his movitation to do what he always does. but we also see him hit the ground, go fuzzy and its almost like she isnt even there. Im not sure what the drug is

called atm, but we know in TLD that a drug was being used to change memories which is also a very imporant piece of information at this point. at the end of the lying detective we see euros

point a gun at johns head and shoot, at the begginning we see part of that scene and we switch to mycroft. sherlock tells john "it was just a tranquilizer" and they move on. it would be a good

guess to say that euros loves tranquilzers and would have used one with a bit of memory potion on sherlock when they're sitting and talking about the case of smith. it would be why when he

turned around he had a problem seeing her as if she was no longer there, information obtained but not understood how. how would sherlock know about the father who wanted to kill without

her...she wanted to see who he was. what he was. and in the process she eliminated herself from his memory just as easily as she could escape sherrinford, if not easier.  back at the flat sherlock and john are in their chairs, mrs.hudson is in the doorway and mycroft ist standing there upset that he is being treated like a client instead of a sibling of sherlock, or

even a friend at that matter. mycroft does have the problem of imposing and we can see how that negativly effects sherlock and john. mrs. hudson also seems upset about what has happened

to her boys while they were away. mycroft and sherlock are also very literal, they dont always see the emotional side of things that say, john would be able to pick up on. i assume john may

have picked up a vibe that eurus was more of his idea than anything because he is equally upset at mycroft even beford they start to talk about their childhood and how their sister became a

monster. irritated, mycroft does not wish to discuss family matters in front of john because like i stated earlier, he doesnt see him as a friend or family member, but an outsider. and intruder.

when he starts to argue this point, sherlock tells him that, that because its a family matter, john stays and we see john give a little smirk like "deal with it" ((i picture irritated inlaw but thats

my johnlock showing))   mycroft begins telling the story about the house they used to live in and how he would look after sherlock. he began talking about redbeard who we've come to know as sherlocks dog. they

show a blonde girl who is euros, a "chubby" kid we automatically assume is mycroft because we see sherlock as the pirate he wanted to become. (quick idea interejection - sherlock is a year older than euros but we see her as a blonde child and then a black haired girl, that is relevent to another part of a theory, but what if she's

adopted? like i know its highly unlikely but think about it, sherlock might not have been so easily able to erase her if she was with him from birth til her departure to sherrinford but what if

that isnt the case, she wasnt always there?) mycroft tells john that she was very smart, and that she was able to kill the dog and refused to tell anybody where she hid the body. after she tried to burn the house down they sent her

away. mycroft says she doesnt understand pain, but we know that she was hurting for her brothers attention, she was falling into darkness in her mind. becaue she was so smart, she didnt

have the basic understandings of the human body, which sounds crazy but let me explain. she saw higher than love or emotion, yet felt them but wasnt able to understand them. see, even

scientists are only able to understand emotions and what they do to us chemicaly, so explaining these feelings to a child who can only understand it from a science POV makes her seem like

she has no emotions or incapable of feeling them. he explains this when she says "which one" when asked if she feels pain. drone flys in with grenade and then comes a wonderful exchange of

dialog that allows for a momentary view of sherlocks grand character development. they begin talking about a quote and then mycroft explains he played a character in a play and sherlock,

liked it. his facial expression does not say 'sarcasm' so we can see that he is prepared to not make it out alive even though he believes he will. the next part ive concluded is a part that doesnt

make sense to others watching the series as to how real it is. i remember there was a character that got thrown out the window and had several injuries and was required to be taken away by

paramedics, but we see john and sherlock jump out the window to escape the blast and then there is darkness around the before we see them again on the boat in the next scene. however, as i

have thought over that scene, as i went into the show today thinking about all the problems the people have pointed out, i have come the conclusion that there was a small time gap between

the explosion and the time we see them on the boat. now, how great that may have been has not yet been explained. but when the guy in charge of sherrinford finds out that a boat is about to

crash into the island he puts the place on high alert, asking about how mycroft is. he's told that he was in an accident and is in critical condition and might not make it and sherlock is reported

as missing. so what exactly is the ammount of time needed to be in critical condition (as in make it believable) and then report sherlock missing while also secretly procuring an aircraft and

flying out in the middle of the ocean with the plan of getting a disguise.

now on the more arugmentative part. Vatican Cameos

why on earth would sherlock ignore that? because as the director of sherrinford had just explained, everybody who comes in contact with Euros is compromised so why would that make

sherlock any different? she stares into him and he is emotionally attatched because he feels like part of him was stolen when he found out she was taken away and he also wanted to know

about redbeard and why she would do such a thing to him. despite what she has done he is still curious, still ever the scientist and see's her as something he wants to know more about. again

we see another mirror, this time a metaphorical mirror. unlike the others we see, now sherlock and euros are starting to come together. she has made the connection she has made herself

very interesting to him and he was willing to let her into his head to find out, much like he was willing to let the serial killer get him because he trusted john. he doenst trust her, not yet but he

is intrigued and cocky as to what she is capable of. sherlock pulls the earpiece out and trows it to the ground. sherlock is involved, way deeper than he's been and out of control. just wher

euros wants him.

we're going to ignore the plane because we talked about it.

moriarty makes an entreance and from euros's mouth she says "oh you've had sex, i have" i think this is a really useless line but then again it sounds very slashfictiony. so i dont know what to

do with information other than mycroft gives her treats and that maybe after her 5 minutes un-supervised with moriarty she was allowed a visit by him, supervised but i wouldnt put it past

her or moriarty to have a relationship since both of them are very dangerous and she knew that moriarty was very intrigued with sherlock, the brother she used to know. whatever they

discussed she was in for the game that was sherlocks fall and subtle rise again after. now she has them in her chamber, shes in charge and she wants to evaulate emotions because she still

doesnt understand them. her mind is still in that plane, her child self is still scared but she is a computer, a machine that doesnt understand the concept of love, fear and emotion and now she

has the one who seems to lack emotion in her chamber, his brother and his BEST friend. (make note of that). she knows johns his best friend and sherlock infered that because when mycroft

tried to kick john out the room, sherlock says because its a family matter john stays, so we know john is more than just a best friend and that makes him family. mycroft may be in a situation

of government where he has people do whatever it is he wants, he is used to having the control over other people. dogs to do his bidding for him and then he's able to recieve those reports.

when euros tells sherlock that one of them has to kill the director or else the wife dies. mycroft cant kill, its not in him. we see that in the beginning when he's faced with the clown. he chose

the gun over going straight with the sword. had he not pulled the sword off, he might have been able to attack the clown in his house, but sherlock knows him better than that. he wouldnt hire

people that would get killed. they wouldnt work for him if they were going to die. so he knew that mycroft wouldnt use the sword. but the gun was unloaded just in case, and that was a life or

death moment, which strangely enough, he was able to do but yet he couldnt kill the director. john is a soldier, he makes that reference through the sherrinford trials. he has the guts to kill

but only when he has to but he doesnt want to kill anybody and know that its a pointless kill. his morals win and the man kills himself and euros kills his wife. from that moment on, john

realizes that in order for things to go as they need to. he needs to put himself back in a situation where morals are the least of his concern and that is war. or as mary said "the soldier that

never came home from war".

"i love you"

many people feel that molly hooper has been deduced to a love interest but i can say that it is only slightly true but incorrect. why? we have all the evidence of course. back in episode one, we

see molly putting lipstick on and asking sherlock if he'd like to have coffee with her. first sign. she's there through the entire series until he hurts her feelings and then he realises what he did.

but molly, oh she's still there doing things for the duo and when mary dies, shes there with john helping with the baby. at that moment she loves him and despises him. her anger towards him

is because of what john may or may not have told molly about how mary died or what sherlock did that got mary killed. mary on the other hand died for her boys. died because she was a

person who needed redemption and even though she had just gotten married, she had to redeem herself somehow from all the horrible things she had done and all the people who got killed

because of her. she was a spy til the end, leading her stalker right to her family and even then when she ran away she was found. she knew that no matter what she did her past would haunt

her and get her family killed and she needed one last thing to do before she injured them more than she may have already hurt them. she loved john and sherlock and she knew that what

they would become (safe and a family) without her. but her death was not planned, she knew she was going to die but nobody knows when. she saw the signs, death coming for her and just

like in sumara, she ran right into death. letting it take her john, who could have tried to save her was in shock. nobody is ever prepared to deal with a death of a loved one, not even a soldier

like john. he is smart, and quick witted but sometimes he doesnt see what is right in front of him, he feels and then thinks until he has to think first and then he just does whatever comes

naturally including shooting cab drivers from a window. what a shot.  molly is not angry at sherlock for what he did to her. she is mad and sherlock was her scapegoat. she see's marys death as the body that sherlock put on the table. the one that he could have

taken the fall for had people not been there to back him up. john would have let that happen only for a bit. john blamed sherlock, beat him for the death of his wife and in the end, came to the

truth through his mind that he was not at peace with mary. he loved her with his entire being  yet he wanted more. the fun of being with another woman...if only texting. it wasnt that he

wanted to cheat, he had every intention of being the man mary wanted him to be. but he slipped, back into what a man in survival mode does. a man whose instinct is to take what he thinks

belongs to him. mary had injured him with her lies. sherlock had lied and he too was mad. so instead of going back to sherlock for his comfort, he goes to a random woman he met on a bus.  all this molly knows so when sherlock starts asking her to say something that he knows to be true, something he puts off all the time because its not what he is interested in, she feels the

pain of humilation that he has brought her all the times in the past. she feels betrayed again even though john is back at his side, she's lonely and she still clings to the idea that sherlock has

done wrong to her and wrong to john. sherlock says "i love you" because he wants to survive. she says it because its true...but when the bomb dont detonate, euros says that its all that he did

to her that destroys her. sherlock destroyed molly not bombs. his ignorance to her emotions and he forced to say things he didnt mean, that she did mean. that was painful for her. euros

doesnt understand emotions but knows how they work. she wants to see what happens when somebody is destroyed by their emotions and who better than sherlock. the one without

attatchments.

the garidebs wasnt useless but it was in the same way. john was able to show off his skills, euros still killed all three. the next round was the elimination round, so the garideb case was a skill

round, see who is useful and who isnt to sherlock. in the elimination round we see mycroft is angry, mean and ready to let john die and john is willing once he realises who he is and who

mycroft is. mycroft is the government and john is the solidier, sherlock is the civilian. euros wants sherlock to kill mycroft and that is what moriarty wanted as well. but what sherlock does

instead is surprise euros because she thinks that after all the other trials, that sherlock and the others are predictable and know the consiquences of not following rules, they wouldnt dare

break any more of her rules. but what sherlock does to surprise her is turn the gun on himself. she can do anything because she needs to have him around. and much like the euros we were

introduced to before as mirror john, she tranquilize all three of them and begins her next step in the plot. for whatever reason, she is out to get sherlock and take him apart, see what his limits

are to save her, to save the girl in the plane. johns in a well. he's going to drown, under deep under . its revealed that redbeard isnt a dog, but a boy that sherlock was very close to. his BEST

friend. she knows she needs sherlock to save her from the hell she is in. but she will do anything to get what she wants and that means killing those closest to sherlock. she killed his best

friend and now he was going to kill the person who he cared for most. his heart. moriarty said he would burn the heart out of sherlock, euros wants to drown it. she also says that moriarty's

revenge was her, so we know who sherlock cares for most in the world. john. for a moment we see sherlock and euros sitting beside each other, hugging and she's crying. sherlock has finally

hit bottom of his heart. john is saved and the only thing left is his emotions. he has found them where he left them, with her before she left for sherrinford. sherlock had learned to care from

john, and she reminded him about that love and he saw it in her in her broken scared state.  despite what she did to him, he continued to see her, when nobody could get her to talk, sherlock spoke in a language she could understand, a music they both shared. time passes, mary has

willed that her video will would be released at certain times. she tells her boys that she knew they would be together forever in their flat, solving crimes. euros speaks more and more and

eventual e crimes and be who they are. a family.