#i dont know about trans andrew yet

[saltydogsmut]

I feel like I need to crack open a queer studies book the amount of t-girl Andrew truthers I have nodding along to my posts.

I'm missing something.

My only insight is that t-girls too, can make weird psuedosexual violence fantasies: because the closest they'll get to feeling comfortable in a sexual/romantic scenario is by offloading the discomfort of being a guy onto the discomfort of the macabre, and pretending that's the reason for it. Such fantasies also destroy the beauty of the person they may be jealous of as well, removing that part of the equation.

It's not the healthiest coping mechanism, but eh, better than some. It adds a new dimension to Andrew saying sex was "mortifying" at least.

[cat-dragron]

I'm still so mad that August Kitko was such a mid book and like I would go do far as to say maybe it was bad but it's likely it just wasn't for me.

And then I read Hell Followed With Us and realize hey now... there's a lot of similarities between these two books and wow i am enjoying this other book way more. I almost want to dig into that and figure out why. Can you ever dislike something so much you want to take a scalpel to it and dissect it to find the bloody heart? Yeah that's what I'm feeling with August Kitko... it kinda sucks but I need to know why it makes me so mad.

[i-did]

hi mlm here. so i want to write andreil smut but im a virgin so i have no idea what exactly sex is like. but i do not want to write it for the.... straight women gaze. what are some things that are accurate to write about. this is prolly super nsfw but i dont know who to ask.

Okay so this response took me literally months, and I'm sorry about that. I honestly was so excited when I got this question. I don't know why I put off responding?? But here I go: 

CW for discussion of NSFW, STD’s, and a lil homophobia

I bet a lot of people who write smut are virgins tbh, that's not to insult anyone or anything, but like writing is a non physical way to explore sex and fantasies by yourself, so you’re definitely not alone lol.

So you're MLM and want to write smut, (and others who want to get my opinions on writing non-fetishistic smut).

Porn is porn and can have unrealistic circumstances to fulfill said fantasy, such as anything from people messing around in locker rooms to tentacles.

To get a general sense of what is common in MLM sexuality, (rather than the typical feminine gaze that is seen in smut) looking at gay porn and gay porn categories is good insight. 

Bear culture, muscle culture, leather culture, etc. 

These are obviously still porn and unrealistic, however being attracted to sweat, jockstraps, and muscles is very common outside of porn. 

Bear culture is a body-positive movement that started because of the gay community's fat-phobia, age-phobia, and overall shittyness about body hair. 

Leather culture is also really big, it started because of the belief that gay men couldn’t be dominant or “masculine”, even in bed. So in America, leather culture was a way a lot of MLM embraced themselves. 

Going to pride, you will see many men wearing those leather harnesses, it doesn't indicate a preference of topping or bottoming necessarily, they're just something mlm wear and has grown quite popular in the culture, I've known some men to say it feels like a security blanket for them. 

And I think it’s very important to understand these cultures or at least be aware of them on a base level if you’re going to write gay porn. 

Also looking at erotic MLM art made by men, there is Tom of Finland, who was very historically significant, and is the most famous erotic gay artist. There is gay literature, one that openly talks about sex quite frankly is the book “We Both Laughed In Pleasure: The Selected Diaries of Lou Sullivan” which is a series of diary excerpts from a real gay trans man where you follow his life up until he died during the aids epidemic. He talks about sex with partners and discovering himself as well as what being a gay man means to him. He has a real love for sex in a way that is very unashamed and interesting to read about. We know that he wrote the latter half of his diaries with the plan of compiling them and publishing them but he passed away and people in his life carried out this wish for him. He is considered a significant part of gay and transgender history because of this, and his diaries are in LGBT museums. 

Reading gay poetry, looking at gay art, erotic, romantic, grungy, whatever, and you will find and see how they portray things differently than when it’s not portrayed by gay men usually. I mean there is a clear difference between yaoi and bara and that's the audience and authors. Some yaoi are made by MLM, (well technically their called gei comi, or gay comics in Japanese)

“Also known as ‘gei comi’ or ‘men's love,’ bara comics are by men, for men. There is a yaoi equivalent to this, and it is called ‘gachi muchi’-- it is written by women, for women.” – myanimelist.net (lol)

 but more than 90% aren't. I haven't ever heard of a non-MLM bara artist, but I'm sure there's at least one. 

Of course, I've seen things depicting MLM just together pretty realistically that didn't feel like it was written by someone who definitely wasn't MLM, but these scenes tend to be more writing in the general sense of art in the general sense rather than porn, which has a huge gap in characteristics between stuff usually written by MLM vs when it's written by women. (sorry about the binary language here)

I know some people don't like any realism in their porn, but I personally really like small details such as prep being mentioned, foreplay, even acknowledgment of the existence of condoms even if they choose to go without.

Especially as an MLM who lives in America currently, the ever-present acknowledgment and stigmatism of AIDS is around us. We think about it, even when we don't want to. An entire generation of MLM, trans people, and a lot of POC were wiped out. Not necessarily a PWP detail, but including discussion of prep, PrEP (the anti HIV medication) and/or getting tested, even for diseases besides HIV, is a small detail that I think is nice. MLM often have to have a moment when opening up a conversation about sex where HIV is mentioned, our dating apps and hook up apps have sections where you put positive, negative, non-transmissible/undetectable, or prefer not to say. The books take place in 2006 so PrEP didn't exist yet, but also the aids pandemic was happening when they were being born and as young kids, so it wasn't that long ago in society's mind. It's still illegal for many trans people and MLM to donate blood despite that the blood is screened for diseases after donation. 

Also, some realism I like is when a character isn't getting their ass ate first in the morning. Like, for me that's a huge turn-off because I think “holy fuck hygiene.” specifically with anal play I just really think even casually mentioning “washing up” or basic prep, or if you want more accuracy/details mention time between last meals or “x only ate a salad, so he would be fine”. It's like a joke in the gay community to eat chili fries or some shit on a date to indicate that either there will be no anal, or if there is you’re not going to be the one to do it, because you just fuckin ate those fries to say so. 

A cock just going in without prep and no condom is going to A) hurt very bad the body does not do that naturally and can cause injury B) get shit dick.

An also not sexy detail that is common for sex is just laying down a towel so you don’t have to wash sheets. Lube on hands? Wipe off on the towel that you’re on rn. Laying down a towel is pretty normal especially for anal. But this is if you’re going for a much more playing for accuracy sex scene. 

Honestly just writing fingering and prep and stuff like that in my opinion goes a long way and also gives the audience more to read. 

Also, sex is way more than peen in hole. Get creative, frottage, mutual masturbation, docking? Idk like thigh fucking, fucking buttcheeks but not hole, handies, blowies, anal oral, Neil doesn’t have to be the only one who gets his ass ate and things don’t have to follow formulas, in fact, they’re better when they don’t. 

Sex comes in many forms, and like I’ve definitely been with someone and he took off his shirt and I was like what, because he was skinny and clean-shaven and I didn’t expect him to have nearly as much chest hair as he did. I bet honestly Neil has a massive bush, like fuckin, massive. 

Andrew and Neil don’t have to like everything the same amount, Neil could be like “I wanna lick your armpit” and gets really off on it, Andrew is neutral but likes that Neil likes it and agrees even if it does nothing for him physically. Honestly, Neil having a sweat kink imo is pretty fitting lol. 

Try not to categorize the characters into “the bottom” and “the top”, or “the man” and “the woman”

This is something I see a lot and pay attention to how “the bottom” tends to adopt traits that are seen in straight porn that are over-exaggerated. I’m not saying it's inherently wrong to write someone as slim, but we know Neil isn't delicate, but I personally wouldn't categorize him as slim. He's a college-level athlete and is definitely muscular and defined, he has some bulk at least, he isn’t model lean for sure imo. You also often see PWP where the bottom makes a bunch of noise and the top makes none, or the top grunts and the bottom mewls, these are things I personally feel gives the bottom the role of a woman in porn. I don’t think Andreil have rough sex necessarily, but I do think when Neil does make noise, it would be because it was practically punched out of him by the feeling, and would sound more like a gasp than a kitten or whatever. There's nothing wrong with writing them both grunting, both of their voices being lower. Someone bottoming doesn’t suddenly magically not have secondary sex characteristics and stubble and body hair or a deep voice or however, they’re like everywhere else. 

When I read an over-emphasis on Neil’s slim waist and swaying hips and ass I’m like,,, okay someone please mention Andrew looking at Neil’s dick or bulge or shoulders. As an MLM, what do you find hot about men? I like stomachs and arms and shoulders, jawlines, collarbones, asses yes but like in a different way than how I like women’s asses (I’m bi lol) they are smaller and I like them muscled and squared almost. I look at veins on hands and noses and shoulders and backs, I look at a lot and I honestly don't have a type. But yeah so think about what you like, why you like it, what you might want. Or look at what others like, and why and how they want and like it.

what would Neil like, how would he feel about it? And Andrew. I kinda feel like Andrew is low-key masc 4 masc but that's just me lmaoo. Anyways, good luck writing. 

[dashnite]

Gio has stated that their source was unreliable and speculation as well!

i have read the emails and stuff WP has put out and i’m gonna paste my reaction to it:

holy shit, why would TOG specifically request not to be credited? i mean, it’s homestuck, that’s as large a exposure as you get. also, claiming the nyc team was nearly done (as they claimed) was corroborated by several people. i mean, i could produce a phony product and put on google drive too just to save face. and that still doesn’t explain the discord and twitter prints...

look, one thing i noticed is a trend with this team is that they hide A LOT behind the fact that they are queer and poc. well, i’m trans, do drag, and am a BIPOC, so i guess i’m in my talking zone when i say that being queer is not an excuse for your own refuse to accept criticism. they are threatening Sarah Z with legal action because of a video where she documented the homestuck fandom (pretty accurately too) and the drama surrounding hiveswap. i really hope they do go to court, because the judge is gonna give them either a slap on the wrist as like “these youngins dont know what theyre doing” or theyre gonna get destroyed if the judge is grumpy. either way, they have no legal grounds and i’m 👀👀👀 [emoji eyes] to see what theyll do next.

PS: if you have sources, be a kind person and share em with me. i don’t have an opinion formed yet about all this (i mean... i guess i think andrew hussie is an asshole who doesn’t know how to manage a company and DID fuck over TOG by not sending them documents), so any sources you send help c:

[thepolipayton]

okay so since I haven't seen a lot of people talking about it, let's talk about the ✨ ableism ✨ in season 2

before I start I'm not angry at the actor for andrew, I'm sure he's lovely and I dont have a problem with him. I am literally thrilled that there are more disabled actors out there getting jobs. my problem is the way the character was written by (I'm presuming) abled people

I'm disabled! I hated the "rep" we got. it's cool to see disabled characters where we have lives outside of our disabilities because SURPRISE we do. but the ONE disabled character we got, was a fucking creepy misogynistic dickhead. on the one hand yes it's cool to have a disabled character, and yes it's cool that the character isn't treated like an infant, and yes disabled people can be dicks regardless of their disability. but on the other hand, why is the disabled character the one with these qualities

the best thing I can think to compare it to is if yall remember that weird heathers reboot where they made the heathers queer, trans, fat, biracial, etc. yes it's cool to have rep, and yes those groups of people can be dicks regardless. but we all knew instantly "hey this is really fucked up that the queer, biracial, fat people are the enemies against the het white couple and are treated as bad people". so why is it that the one disabled character we get, who also isn't white, is the one that creeps on the white girl to the point of possibly being a stalker. do you guys see why that is so fucked up. ESPECIALLY when the main characters get away with so much shit, but they focus on this one character who is being disgusting. like it literally was not necessary to make him a creep, what did it add to the plot apart from letting you mention infinity a couple of times

the second part is the fucking straws SHUT UP ABOUT THE FUCKING STRAWS JUST SAY YOU DIDN'T DO ACTUAL RESEARCH ON GLOBAL WARMING AND MOVE ON. there's a whole seperate rant in there about how they constantly blamed individual people for global warming without mentioning cooperations, but lets be honest ryan probably didnt want to upset his rich friends.

if you aren't aware, many, many disabled people have spoken up about the way trying to mass ban plastic straws is fucked up for people with disabilities who rely on straws for food or drink. some of us can't hold up cups, or eat food without it being pureed or blended, and some medications are taken by straw. I know sometimes straws have been my lifeline, they were for several months very recently. without straws we lose so much of our independence and it can actually be more dangerous to use things like spoons sometimes. imagine you easily burn and you're just trying to eat some soup but oh fuck now it's all down you and you have burns that are painful because you didnt have access to a straw. straws in general are so important to people with disabilities and sometimes plastic straws are the only straws we're able to use. paper straws fall apart too easily which isn't good for long time use, or things such as tea or coffee, or when you're on a budget and have to keep replacing them. not to mention they don't bend and are actually a choking hazard. metal straws can get extremely cold which can be painful when you're sensitive to that, they can damage your teeth and most importantly they need to be sterilized (I cant spell it I know) after each use which isn't practical for someone with disabilities, and again they don't bend. bamboo, glass and acrylic all have injury risks as well as being more expensive. compostable straws don't exactly work well when you're at high risk of having allergic reactions (which can kill you, or cost you a lot in medical fees) as well as you would need to be able to compost them safely. if plastic straws, most people's only option, were mass banned we would have to buy them for a high price, carry them around or request them specifically from wherever we were eating. that alone is inconvenient and most of the time embarrassing, but it would also add to the disgusting stigma around disabilities. you already make us do so much when we just want to go out of the house, the more things you add for us to have to remember the more likely it is that we're going to be put in a bad situation where we forget something important but hey at least we have the fucking straws. not to mention that even if businesses were required to have plastic straws what the fuck makes you think theyd comply when they cant even get ramps and door measurements right.

please do research into how the straw issue affects people with disabilities. you should be pressuring companies into looking for disabled friendly AND environmentally friendly options. not taking away something many need to survive.

and yet the politician still continues to focus on this issue despite so many speaking up about it. season 1? okay sure, there hadn't been that many people speaking up about it before they'd begun filming so maybe that can maybe be excused. so no one on that team has heard about someone speaking up? not a single one? and if not then you're telling me that not a single person could have literally just gone to google and done a bit of research and not have found one of the hundreds of disabled people who have been trying to say dont fucking do this. or on the other hand if they've done all the appropriate research needed to be able to accurately portray a politician fighting against global warming, then why haven't they stumbled across this. doesn't seem like very thorough research to me. this isn't a teen on tiktok trying to do their part and genuinely not knowing, these are people who have access to this kind of research but have neglected to do so. it's very clear to me that the writers and directors are just trying to make a shallow grab at being woke, and failing fucking miserably

I know this is very messy and all over the place, but it comes from a place of anger and exhaustion of having to keep having this conversation over and over again. this is barely scratching the surface of the ableism and ignorance present in the politician, but I'm really hoping that it can help some of you see why disabled people are so pissed off with this season. fuck ryan murphy

[eddiebaby-love-blog]

About me

Hm... I guess I should have told you some things about myself. Here’s some facts:

-I am Pansexual

-I am trans-non-binary. My pronouns are he/him/they/them.

-I’ve only dated a few people. 2 being boys. 2 being girls.

-I dated one of my current best friends for 5 months. I dated the two dudes for short periods of times, only because they weren’t who I thought they were. And I currently have a girlfriend, who lives 11 hours and 28 minutes from me. 

-My parents are extremely homophobic and they don’t accept me, so I am in the closet to them.

-I came out to my sister, who is accepting, about 2 1/2 months ago, I’ve been out to my closest friends for about six months. I realized my sexuality 2, almost 3, years ago. 

-I’m a freshman in high school. 

-I have four sisters, and only one of them knows I’m pan and trans.

-i RARELY get along with my sisters, even the one who is accepting. I dont get along eith my psrents.

-My favorite movie in Ponyo. My favorite show is Haikyuu!

-I love Harry Potter.

-I ship a lot of characters, such as Drarry (HP), Kagehina (Haikyuu!) and many more from that show, JohnLock (Sherlock), Kiribaku (BNHA), Reddie (IT), and (I know its wrong to ship real life people, but there’s so much chemistry) Garret and Andrew (Shane and Friends)

-I love singing, acting, writing, and reading. I sometimes write music.

-I have a cat.

-I love llamas.

-I have one real life friend. I have 3 online friends, including my girlfriend. 

-I hate school and working out.

-I love the name I came up with for myself, but haven’t told anyone yet because I am moving soon.

If you want to know anything else, just ask away. :)

-

[whatbutandreil]

i had an ask sitting in my inbox for a couple of months bc i didn't really know what i wanted to say, but i lost the ask:/

unfortunately, when i tried to save my response to my drafts, tumblr just,, fuckin deleted it, so im sorry to whoever asked it:/ but i have my response now. the ask said "what(or who) got you into tfc?" to the person who asked this question, thank you. this has been a really great reflection. so uh,, here's my answer:

·

i kinda hate the way i came into tfc bc it was in a way that didn't respect the wishes of my, now friend on twitter, ziegenkind.

·

basically, i was scrolling on pinterest, as you do, and i fell into a hole of like,, gay fanart? (not a question, just a little self-reflection on how fucking queer i am. how did i not fucking know?)

·

anyway, so, i was scrolling, as you do, and i found @ziegenkind 's stunning painting of andrew and neil on the bottom bunk of the dorm bed (y'all know the one) and i was like "whooooo,, the fUCk are these two cuties (ʘ‿ʘ)??"

·

PSA : DONT REPOST PEOPLE'S ART WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION, ESPECIALLY IF SOMEONE EXPLICITLY SAYS NOT TO. THIS COUNTS AS REPOSTING IF YOU POST SOMEONE ELSE'S ART TO PINTEREST, INSTAGRAM, TUMBLR, TWITTER, FACEBOOK, ANY SOCIAL MEDIA. DO NOT QRT PEOPLE'S ART ON TWITTER IF PEOPLE SAY NO. YOU ARE NO EXCEPTION. AND DONT FUCKING ERASE PEOPLE'S WATERMARKS AND DEFINITELY DONT REPLACE THEM WITH YOUR OWN. DONT FUCKING DO IT. to the lovely ziegenkind, (it's julian from twitter (^o^)丿) it's so fuckin unfortunate that i found your art through reposts and it's fucking horrible that people don't listen, but thank you for being my bridge into this fandom and im very grateful to have found you and been able to talk with such an angel. you quite literally changed my life forever and i can't thank you enough:') im eternally grateful for that. BUT DONT FUCKING REPOST DIPSHITS

·

anyway, so, naturally, i sat in my bed for 3 hours at 1am on a school night, as you do, scrolling through andreil fan art and trying to figure out who the fUCK they were and what they were from. i found tfc and immediately downloaded it on my phone

·

i didn't get to reading it for a bit tho:/ abt a week later, i was brought to the emergency room bc i was planning to kill myself. id been diagnosed with depression for around a year, who knows how long i was suffering before that, and i was hitting my lowest. it was abt 2 weeks after new years and on new years eve, i was planning on ending it bc i couldn't fathom dealing with it for another year. another year of feeling nothing or everything all at once. but my mom had called me downstairs to go to a new years party, so i didn't go through with it. abt 2 weeks later, i had seen my therapist again, and i was deflecting hard core, and she saw it, and she sent me to the ER. i was evaluated all night, but i wasn't kept for observation since i told the nurse that the thoughts had passed. i was taken out of school and put in an outpatient program where id have group for 4 hours and school for 2. every morning for abt a month, i would get picked up at my house in a minivan and id have a good 20-25+ min drive to program.

·

every. single. morning. on the van, i would read tfc. every morning. i was going through, what i thought to be the worst time of my life (i now know that it in fact DID get worse and now we're going on a new level of bad, but then it was the worst id experienced) every morning i was reading about neil and him running from his father, something ive wanted to do for years. reading about andrew struggling with depression and self harm like i am and despising most touches bc of people in his life that ruined it, similar to how someone ruined it for me and doesn't understand that "no" means "no". reading about nicky learning to love and accept himself for being gay, for being who he is like ive been trying to accept myself being a queer ace trans boy. reading about kevin trying to cope with his anxiety, even if it's in an unhealthy way, the same way i do. reading about renee growing up one way and wanting to become a better person, something that i want to do every day. reading abt matt overcoming his addiction and loving his friends with his whole heart. reading about dan standing up for herself and being proud of who she is. reading abt allison cutting away the people in her life who wanted to hold her back. reading about aaron and andrew work through their differences to try and salvage their relationship. reading about neil taking his life back and living it the way he wants, on his terms, like i so badly crave to do. reading about neil and andrew finding a respectful and loving relationship, one where all boundaries are respected, not crossed, where there is comfort in being together and a certain understanding on a level that others could never wrap their mind around. the kind of relationship that i have always, always, yearned for, where i feel safe and loved and respected.

·

these books taught me not only to die for the ones i love or kill for them, but to live for them, and to me, that is a much more daunting and difficult task.

·

All For the Game gave me hope, something i never thought id have again. it gave me hope for tomorrow. and the day after that. and a month after that. and it gives me hope that one day, i will get away from my father, i will be comfortable with who i am and love myself for it, i will find ways to cope with my anxiety properly, i will be proud of the person i have become, i will have friends who i love and who love me, i will stand up for myself and be proud to be the person ive become, i will surround myself with good people and cut away those who treat me wrong and hold me back, i will work to repair and maintain good relationships.

·

it gives me hope that i will finally break away from the pain and start to live my life the way i want, as the person i was meant to be, the way i was meant to live my life.

·

it gives me hope that i will overcome my depression, that i will find the strength to stop harming myself to cope, that i will find the strength to push through, even after ive been given every reason to just give up.

·

it gives me hope that one day, i will find a person who will love me for who i am, love me despite my past and the scars i carry, love me in a way that i'll never be able to explain or understand. that i will find someone who respects my boundaries, who asks "yes or no?" before touching me, who respects if i say "no" and still fucking loves me regardless. someone who can feel like they can be completely themself around me, and that i can feel the same around them. someone who will fall in love with me a little more every day. someone who i'll fall in love with a little more every day.

·

it gives me hope that one day, hopefully someday soon—but i think im willing to wait—i will be happy.

·

All For the Game quite literally changed to course of my life, and i can say with confidence that without it, i would not be here right now.

·

people say that books and shows and movies change there life all the time, but i know that i wouldn't be here without it. these books saved my fucking life. i wouldn't have experienced those mornings, walking into program with a goofy smile on my face, practically vibrating with what i now know was joy, blabbing to every person i ran into that morning abt a boy with scars and a sharp tongue on the run and the small, depressed and angry blond who told him to stay. or nights when i sobbed and sobbed for those boys who deserved better. and i wouldn't have gotten black armbands to cover my scars and match with my two biggest inspirations. or when i have a bad impulsive thought, i wouldnt have a voice in the back of my head going "what would andrew say? what would neil say?" and the vivid image of the small blond giving me a stare, face carefully blank, yet eyes swimming with a mix between disapproval and hope, and the boy covered in scars tentatively giving me a hug, a bit awkward at first, but he's a lovely hugger and eventually, awkwardness turns into comfort. without it, i don't think id know what pure, honest love is supposed to look like.

·

sorry, i suppose this got quite a bit off track from what got me into aftg, but once i started writing, i couldn't stop.

·

TLDR; i saw fanart on pinterest, DONT REPOST ART WITHOUT PERMISSION, and my life was saved and changed for the better by a book that i stumbled upon, purely by chance.

·

i don't believe in fate, but i do think that i found these books for a reason, and that my life changed because of it. i suppose you could call it the butterfly effect.

[weirdstuff-blog]

Me and stephanie dancing up Christian

"ROB SIMS presents KellyMBentley.Com in 2008! "

Female 26 years old ATLANTA, Georgia United States

Last Login: 4/13/2008

I love models and everything to do with the glamour industry. I am seriously into photography. I love to dance and I am currently learning to sing. I am crazy in love with my American Pitt Bull Terrier "Layla" and I love spending time with her playing freesbee with her and my loving fiance Django. I love fast cars preferrably American Muscle. My favorite would be a Trans Am. Long live Cassondra

Music I love all types of music, but my favorite is Classic Rock including the Grateful Dead, Bob Dylan, Doors, Def Lepard, AC/DC, Primus, Nine Inch Nail all kinds of artists. I love dancing to hip-hop, but I really don’t have any favorites.

Movies I love chic flicks and cartoons. I’ve never really been a fan of horror flicks. My favs include Notebook, Ratatouille, Sweet Home Alabama, Youve Got Mail���you get where this is going.

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The Kelly M. Bentley ‘s Details

Status: In a Relationship Here for: Networking, Friends Orientation: Straight Hometown: Alabama Body type: Slim / Slender Ethnicity: White / Caucasian Zodiac Sign: Libra Smoke / Drink: No / No Education: College graduate Occupation: Model

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2000 to 2002

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The Kelly M. Bentley ‘s Blurbs About me: Its hard to describe myself because I am constantly changing. So to start, above all else, I am a bad ass bartender. I bartend at OPERA Nightclub here in Atlanta, Geogia. Its the biggest and hottest club in Atlanta. I also bartend at the Irish Bred Carrollton where I can fulfill my bar dancing passion to AC/DC, Buckcherry (Crazy biotch!), and Def Lepard. I love serving up cocktails with a little sassy shake some come by either place and check me out!!

Second, I am a model and one of the hottest female entrepreneurs on this planet. In modeling, I specialize in glamour, fitness, and promotional modeling. I always have something going on somewhere. I’m partnering up with NOPI as a NOPI CHIC for 2008. I love doing charity work so keep updated on my events and help us out. As an entrepreneur, I own half of a calendar production company with JM Polsfuss that is responsible for the hottest calendar coming out in 2009 Construction Cuties. Watch for it!! I also just teamed up with get this…yes…The Rob Sims….which we will have my website launched by the end of Spring to help heat up the summer for you. Also watch for all the magazine covers, layouts, spreads, etc. coming soon…I told you guys I’ll be taking over the WORLD!! Lastly, I am a regular girl that had a dream and am still forcing it to come true come hell or high water. I’m from a small town, but I’m working hard to fulfill my big city dreams as well as those of other girls who want to be models with MODELICIOUS. So if you want to try modeling, don’t listen to people when they tell you that you cant do it, they said I couldn’t, and I look at me…so don’t listen, contact me and lets see what we can do. I DONT DO ANYTHING FOR FREE….so don’t ask. I have a small network of professional models I use and promote because they have become friends. Don’t ask for my contacts, because I work hard in promoting and networking myself so why should I just hand over my hard work to you. If you want my network, you pay for my network.

THINGS YOU WOULDN’T GUESS ABOUT ME: No one would ever guess that I used to be in the Army National Guard. I used to be on Active Reserve as the RA for SFC Robert Cornett. I got out in 2005. I also used to wiegh 170 lbs. I gained a huge amount of weight when I quit drinking and smoking. Yea a lot of you thought it would never happen. I quit cold turkey and the turkey went to my ass. I lost 50 lbs. on the Subway diet. I was recently on the Coyote Ugly Reality Show on CMT and hated every minute. I also have a degree in Political Science and Computer Science with a minor in Military Science. Just some cool quirks about me. TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF – The Survey Name: Kelly M Bentley Birthday: October 7th Birthplace: Anniston, Alabama Current Location: Atlanta, Georgia Eye Color: Green Hair Color: Blonde/Brunette..hell I don’t know Height: 5’5" if I’d stand up straight Right Handed or Left Handed: Right Your Heritage: Irish/German &..39;The Shoes You Wore Today:’ My beloved flip flops Your Weakness: Your Fears: airplanes, elevators, and scurrying vermon Your Perfect Pizza: cheese/pepperoni without any sauce Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Be at 8% Body Fat by the end of the year Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: I dont even know how to set that shit up… Thoughts First Waking Up: What in the hell are the Backyardigans? Your Best Physical Feature: My big ghetto booty Your Bedtime: When ever my mind decides to quit thinking Your Most Missed Memory: No clue..too much memory lost Pepsi or Coke: Caffeine free coke MacDonalds or Burger King: both are some nasty shit…I dont put it in my body! Single or Group Dates: Cant remember my last date… Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: I don’t drink any tea Chocolate or Vanilla: Just hand over the chocolate and no one gets hurt Cappuccino or Coffee: Caffeine free Coffee Do you Smoke: hell no Do you Swear: I swear I cuss too much Do you Sing: Did you catch my show? Think I’ll stick to the shower. Do you Shower Daily: more than once Have you Been in Love: Only twice for sure Do you want to go to College: Been there done that Do you want to get Married: Umm….when I’m too old to know better Do you belive in yourself: more than anyother person besides Roy Do you get Motion Sickness: Do you think you are Attractive: No but others tend to disagree Are you a Health Freak: Absolutely Do you get along with your Parents: depends on the day of the week Do you like Thunderstorms: love them Do you play an Instrument: In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: don’t drink alcohol In the past month have you Smoked: I quit when I was 20 In the past month have you been on Drugs: hell no drugs are for weak people In the past month have you gone on a Date: I havent gone on a date in the past few years In the past month have you gone to a Mall: No..I hate the mall..I’m in need of another personal shopper In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: yea right…my trainer would shoot me In the past month have you eaten Sushi: I don’t eat fish In the past month have you been on Stage: too many times In the past month have you been Dumped: No In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: I wish In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No but someone stole two of my damned portfolios Ever been Drunk: Plastered on many occassions Ever been called a Tease: What girl hasnt Ever been Beaten up: No but I got launched off some steps one time Ever Shoplifted: no I only steal hearts How do you want to Die: at 200mph on the Autobahn What do you want to be when you Grow Up: I’m doing it but not grown up yet What country would you most like to Visit: Ireland In a Boy/Girl.. Favourite Eye Color: Any that don’t lie Favourite Hair Color: any that I can run my fingers through Short or Long Hair: either Height: all heights Weight: weight doesn’t matter Best Clothing Style: clothes dont make the man Number of Drugs I have taken: Don’t do drugs Number of CDs I own: not too many Number of Piercings: ears and belly button Number of Tattoos: 1 Number of things in my Past I Regret: only 1…if you know me you know what it is

CREATE YOUR OWN! – or – GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Myspace Layouts – Myspace Editor – Image Hosting

Who I’d like to meet: TO ALL MODELS AND PHOTOGRAPHERS: Now that I am partnered up with Robs Sims who is the most published photographer on the planet also owner of FitBeauties and FitModels International Magazines, photographer for Oxygen, MuscleMag, InStyle, American Curves, Maxim, FHM, Mens Health…okay I’m tired already. Too many to list. Google him for the rest…lol. Rob and I will be offering photoshoots to ambitious models with the guarantee to be published. Yes there is a catch. 1)like I said I don’t do anything for FREE 2) Neither does he 3) you have to be approved by me first. Sorry ladies…I have to be picky. Feel free to submit to me for shoots with Rob. I will be honest and give you feedback. WE ARE THE ONLY ONES THAT CAN GUARANTEE YOU PUBLICATION IN MAJOR MAGAZINES.

Posted by dcsmith2752002 on 2008-06-23 13:19:11

Tagged: , KELLY , M , BENTLEY , IN , ATLANTA , GA , NIGHT , LIFE , BASIC , BLACK , FORMAL-WEAR , AND , CASUAL , -WEAR , ATTIRES

The post Me and stephanie dancing up Christian appeared first on Good Info.

[magdaclaire]

i just read ur newest fic, pleasseeee give us some trans!adam hcs i am begging u. there’s so little trans content and i am a thirsty little trans gremlin that projects onto everything. (you dont have to make them nsfw but honestly it’d be cool, that’s even rarer to see like. non fetishy trans stuff in general)

These are strictly sfw, mostly because I want to produce a lot of sfw trans content as a young acespec trans person, so here we go!

If you do find yourself craving nsfw trans headcanons, I would be willing to write some, if you want. Let me know!

These are in the universe of the fic! If you want, like, grown up Trans!Adam, hmu!

He doesn’t talk about it. He’s Adam. He’s always been Adam. His mom helped him pick out his new name when he was five and he’s been Adam ever since. He has other trans friends online who have changed names a couple of time, and they’re just as valid as anyone, but he never changed. Adam is his name. He entered kindergarten as Adam James Bianchi, and he’ll be that for the rest of his life, if no one wants to change the last bit of it. 

Other kids, when he’s young, know that he’s Adam and not that it’s stranger than the other boys in the class being their own names. They call him Adam and send him to sit with the boys during gym class and make no mistakes about who he is. A teacher only slips and calls him she once, and that’s not because Adam throws a fit or tells his mom or anything. It’s because he looks up at her, six and calm as a day, and he says, “He/him, thank you.” and nothing else. 

He was put on low blockers but not T yet when he was thirteen, just as they moved and he switched schools. He met Andrew and Steven soon after he started them, when he still need to wear a binder. He stayed with them because they never asked, never looked at him like he was less for it, never asked about the pads and liners in his bag. 

He never really wants the bottom surgery. He’ll get the top surgery one day, even as he was put on blockers before his chest got very big, even as he needs it less than most trans boys his age. He doesn’t buy packers or search around for some way to feel like a man in that way, because it’s not something he needs. 

Instead, he looks up how long on T he needs to be to start growing facial hair, how long it’ll take for his hair to grow courser and curl. He starts T at fourteen and watches it every day, until he’s months in and his beard comes in thicker than Andrew’s little bit of facial hair, and he’s elated, validated, not wanting. 

He dates a couple of boys and girls and nonbinary people in freshman and sophomore year, trying to find out what he likes without anyone getting hurt. Boys say things that sting but girls not saying things is worse and the nonbinary people Adam dates think he’s like them, but he’s not, he’s a man and somehow that’s worse. He stops serial dating and settles into singleness halfway through sophomore year. 

And then junior years hits like a freight train and a half. In junior year, he takes pride in giving Steven beard burn when they kiss, enough that he can see it in class later as they sit across from each other and pretend to pay attention to the teacher. Steven likes the beard burn too. Likes the reminder. 

Steven cups his face like he’s everything he’s ever wanted him and calls him my man, my boyfriend, my guy, my mans more than once, and says it like he’s proud. It’s validating in a way Adam didn’t know he would love from a relationship with his best friend. 

In second semester of junior year, Andrew likes the beard burn too. He calls Adam handsome, calls him pretty in equal turn, and where that would usually make Adam feel a little squicky, it sounds like honor from Andrew, sounds like he means it like fine china rather than like woman, and Adam doesn’t mind so much in being pretty. Andrew helps him reclaim an entire word, and he doesn’t even know. 

[christophersymes]

Celebrity Status

Celebrity Status, an ongoing L(G)B(T)+ story also on Wattpad and Quotev.

<– Previous / Next –>

Chapter Four

A month later, Jules had been down for a while. His depression was in full swing, with a baseball bat full of nails, directly in his face. He'd hardly even made it to class that day, let alone online, and hadn't even gone to work yet and felt like crying. It was taking a lot to do anything, and he felt awful because he wanted to talk to Not-Elías so bad, but couldn't think of words to say aside from

good afternoon

. And he'd hardly spoken yesterday or the day before either. He hated it.

Mason had been hearing less and less from Jules the past few days, even though he'd been sending an embarrassing amount of messages. Jules did message back most times, but when she did she was curt and sounded... off.

masonfucker1000: jules

masonfucker1000: hope ur days going okay

masonfucker1000: hey what if humans were like bees and we had smth like a fucking stinger and if we killed someone w it we died and it was the only legal way to murder

masonfucker1000: i was hanging out w some friends and we ended up playing nerf guns and i somehow got a foam bullet down my pants

familyjules: ah, the only other thing you've ever gotten down ur pants.

masonfucker1000: hey are you okay? im kinda getting worried

masonfucker1000: if someone else threw a salad at you ill kick em

familyjules: afternoon, not-elías.

masonfucker1000: afternoon!! FINALLY!! juliet hath emerged! hey what's been going on???

♦️

Juliet.

He called him Juliet.

Jules froze, staring at the message, feeling tears pricking at his eyes. He hadn't told him, no, but still... He was Jules. Jullian. Anything except Juliet.

He stared at it, then grumbled to himself. "Juliet. Not. Fucking. Juliet." He got out of the truck and slammed the door, angry now that he even had to go to work. He stood by his truck, still staring at the message, then accidentally threw his phone on the concrete in the parking lot and stomped on it.

Then he realized what he'd done. Fuck. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. God damn it! Whatever." He picked up the pieces and pocketed the SIM card, telling himself he'd just buy a new one tonight after work and ship it to his house. He was enough of a dumbass already.

He tossed them in the dumpster as he went inside.

Mason frowned when there was no reply. An hour passed, even. Nothing.

A day.

masonfucker1000: jules? are you okay?

Jules was still upset, and still had no fucking phone.

Two days.

masonfucker1000: jules, please if i did something just talk to me

And a day after that, he was still upset, but at least he had a phone.

Three. Jules had never gone three days without at least a half-assed two word message.

Whenever he was home, he just stared at the message, fuming. Not-Elías had called him Juliet. He had to know him somehow, then, and by his deadname.

On the third day, the anger got bad enough he ended up messaging.

familyjules: how the fuck do you know my name and why are you doing this

Mason had been having lunch with the band when he got the message. He dropped his slice of pizza, mouth still open in shock. His eyes widened, and he excused himself, muttering under his breath that he'd be right back.

masonfucker1000: shit dude, what? juliet?

masonfucker1000: I just sort of guessed that's what it was short for

masonfucker1000: what do you mean???

Jules scoffed, opening Rabbit as fast as he could and sending Not-Elías a link.

As soon as he entered the room, Jules glared at the camera.

"My goddamn name is not Juliet, so stop calling me that. I don't know who the fuck you are, but you must know me and want to get to me now for some reason, so just... fucking stop being a dick—"

Mason gaped at Jules as she immediately started yelling and threatening at him. Jesus fuck.

"—and tell me the truth before I have to figure it out myself and beat your fucking ass. I'm not in the goddamn mood to be led on some goose chase and deal with bigots like you or deal with people who hold some stupid grudge against me. Leave me alone if that's the fucking case, or I will figure shit out and do something."

Not-Elias: jules geez

Not-Elias: holy shit

Not-Elias: i dont understand why youre so angry but im sorry if i pissed you off okay?

Not-Elias: i wont call u that anymore

Not-Elias: message me when you've calmed down

Not-Elias left the room.

Jules was still angry when he left the room. He ended up closing it too, only to reopen it later that night, as well as the fansite. He private messaged Not-Elías a link, promising in some garbled text not to yell again.

familyjules: rabb.it/familyjules pls cone ib i promize not to yellll i midd u

familyjules: misa u

Mason had been thinking about.... whatever that had been with Jules. She'd called him a bigot and talked about grudges. And Juliet was a definite no. He had a theory he was a bit too freaked to think much on. He frowned when he got a just barely comprehensible message. God, was Jules crying or something? He immediately clicked the link.

Jules was leaning back in the chair, pouring himself a shot from the bottle of vodka, singing a Nosam song along with the YouTube video. "Not-Elías!" he exclaimed, speech a little slurred, grinning. He leaned forward too fast and spilled half the shot on his shirt. "Whoops."

He downed the rest to prevent more spillage and then took a sip of Coke. "Hi, I wanted to say I'm sorry for earlier and yelling at you because it's obvious you're not anyone from high school because you're good unlike them. They couldn't even fake it. And I wanted to explain— I'm trans and I was bullied, and I miss you a lot but I've been sad a lot lately and it's cold and cold is triggering and I'm gonna drink more now." He poured himself another shot.

Mason's eyes widened in surprise at the state Jules was in. And then he was concerned. Very concerned.

Not-Elias: is that vodka?

Not-Elias: careful!

And then he froze as Jules spoke. Trans.

Fuck. So, okay. Mason didn't know himself that well after all. That's fine. It was okay. He tried to convince himself of that even if he felt a little nauseous and increasingly out of control.

He'd been such a dick when he was younger. Defensive, reckless, disrespectful, not caring about anyone else and keeping emotions bottled in. He had pretended to be confident, created a version of himself for everyone else and believed it. And once he'd been called out by so many, by Chris, he'd realized what he'd turned into: this sexist, queer-phobic prick, like a jock straight out of a movie.

He worked so hard to figure out why and relearn how he thought about things, about people, thinking about things he said to make sure he wasn't hurting anybody. He spent so much time learning himself inside and out. Actually starting to like himself for once, no more surprises. And even if his chest was aching and he couldn't breathe from hearing Jules say that, he knew he liked Jules a lot. He knew he had to deal with it.

He wasn't straight.

But he didn't know what to think— his own secrecy had been different— but— of course they weren't dating, and online— and Mason couldn't possibly pretend he knew what being trans was like. Whatever reason Jules had had for not telling him was probably a good one, even though it hurt. Mason realized he hadn't responded, and frankly didn't know how.

Not-Elias: okay

Not-Elias: youve def been drinking too much

Not-Elias: jules

Not-Elias: why didnt you tell me?

Mason paused, biting his lip. He didn't want to sound mad, but he was kind of upset. And he deserved to know why, didn't he?

Jules knocked back the shot, then leaned forward to read his messages. "I said I was bullied... They did some online too and I'm super scared about the fansite being a lot of people who could gang up on me sometimes—" Jules's lip trembled a little and he shook his head and touok a deep breath. No crying in front of Not-Elías.

"I was scared when I started thinking more and liking you, 'cause you were new and different and I was having fun talking to you, but you said you were cis and straight and it was actually real hard to even tell you I'm bi. And it's okay if you don't like me now cause you're straight and I'm a dude, I understand that."

Mason frowned at how Jules looked close to tears, instantly angry at everyone who'd hurt her— who'd hurt him.

His stomach turned as he thought about all the times he misgendered him. Oh God, he suddenly felt really sick. All of those shes and hers crawling up his throat.

Not-Elias: oh jules

Not-Elias: no i

Not-Elias: i like you

He bit his lip. Get over it, Mason.

Not-Elias: i guess i'm just gay. go figure

Jules wiped at his face with his shirt, then remembered there was vodka all over it and pouted a little, staring down at it.

Whoa, there was a flash. Mason's breath caught. He definitely saw a nipple and— fuck. But, oh God, was Jules drunk.

Not-Elias: listen do me a favor, baby, no more shots, yeah?

Not-Elias: put the vodka away

Yes, it felt a little weird calling Jules baby for a moment, knowing he was a guy, but it still felt right. Mason was fucking gay.

Oh, poor Andrew. All alone.

Jules read the messages and wanted to cry even more. He felt so silly for hiding it for so long, especially if it was going like this. "Are you sure?" he asked, staring at the messages.

And then the few about the vodka came through and he pouted, though he was blushing a bit at being called baby again. "But I don't wanna. Tomorrow's my day off and drinking is fun!" He grabbed the bottle, cradling it against his chest. "'S like my baby."

Not-Elias: im sure

Not-Elias: a hundred percent

Not-Elias: even if youre a complete mess

Not-Elias: and you've drunk

Not-Elias: youre drunk

Not-Elias: too much more and youll be poisoned

Not-Elias: ill be your baby instead

Jules grinned, leaning forward. His leg was bouncing now. He set down the bottle. "All right," he said. "But you're my baby now. You gotta come hug me."

Not-Elias: nice okay thank you

Not-Elias: u should drink water if you can

Not-Elias: oh i want to. i will

Mason hated this, not being able to talk to Jules. Especially when he was in this state. He needed comfort, and Mason wanted to give it and— damn it, he wished he could just turn on his camera. Maybe he should. He seriously considered it and— no, not right now, when he was drunk.

Jules tuned into the music again and gasped, grinning. He sang along a little, nodding and getting up to get water like he was told, completely forgetting he was in just a tank top and underwear— not even boxers, just underwear. He came back still singing, then lifted the water so Not-Elías could see it. "Water."

Mason whined a bit as Jules stood up, looking away a second later, staring at the tour bus ceiling. Why did the world want to be so generous yet so cruel?

Not-Elias: and you said you're not a singer

Not-Elias: good! drink up!

Jules grinned, taking a drink and leaning back a little in his chair. "Oh—uh— is there anything you want to listen to? Or watch?"

Not-Elias: uhhhhhh

Not-Elias: spongebob?

Jules nodded, opening up Amazon Prime and attempting to search for it. He misspelled it a few times, but got it in the end. "Oh, this is the best episode," Jules said, grinning and hovering over the Bubble Bowl episode.

They watched one and a half episodes, during which Jules had moved from the chair to his bed, putting the laptop on the chair. Mason honestly wasn't paying all that much attention to Spongebob. Jules was so cute, his drunk commentary endearing.

At some point Mason realized Jules had fallen asleep. He smiled, eyes going soft.

He barely thought about it when he turned on the mic.

"Goodnight, Jules."

Jules, fast asleep, groaned a little. "G'night," he mumbled. "Lub you."

Mason's heart jumped to his throat.

"Jules? Are you awake?"

He blushed hard, cheeks hot. He probably wouldn't mention that part to Jules in the morning.

"Nuh uh," Jules hummed, pulling the blanket over himself better. "'m sleep."

Mason laughed lightly. "Really? Sleeptalker, huh? I'll let you sleep. Talk to you in the morning."

Mason had turned off his mic and hadn't even noticed he had fallen asleep.

"Mason? Why're you still on your computer? S' the middle of the night."

Mason jerked awake, blinking as he looked at Jules on-screen and then at Chris on the top bunk across, leaning over the bed and frowning at him sleepily.

Mason sighed, rubbing some sleep out of his eyes. "I think I'm gonna tell Jules," he said.

"What?" Austin grumbled from below Chris, turning and blinking wildly at Mason. His wavy hair was sticking up in all directions, like static or that kid from Meet The Robinsons.

"He said he's gonna tell Jules," Andrew growled from above Mason, grumpy from being woken up, but listening, blankets tugged tight over his otherwise naked body.

Chris supported his chin on his hand as he tried to get a better look at Mason's face. He was serious. "What changed finally?"

Mason sighed, panic returning as his brain turned the lights back on and told him he was supposed to be freaking out. "It keeps getting harder. And we didn't talk for a bit and— last night— tonight he— he's trans. And he was drunk— "

"Wait— "

"Did you say— "

Mason groaned, dropping his face into his pillow. "Don't--"

Andrew wheezed from above him. "Fuck."

"You're— "

"I get to say it! You dumbasses got to come out," Mason whined as he sat up. "I'm not straight. Probably, uh, pan."

Austin started laughing sleepily as he leaned up on his elbow to properly make fun of Mason.

"I saw it coming," Andrew mumbled. "But fuck you."

Chris bit his lip worriedly. "Okay, but remember when that one fan gave out your number and address even though the address was fake, but you had to change your number and— "

Mason sighed loudly. "Yes, I remember."

And he did remember. He'd thought about it quite a bit, all the worst case scenarios. Jules being pissed off at being royally catfished and outting him to the world in the worst way possible, or Jules being way too happy and outting him and not really caring about him, or Jules just completely cutting him off in shock and outrage. Mason shook the thoughts away. "Jules isn't like that. I just— I want her— him to know, I'm sick of lying."

Austin shrugged. "Okay. Your choice, man. Go for it."

Andrew hummed in agreement, giving the idea a thumbs up that Mason didn't even see, already falling asleep again. Chris sighed and smiled, "I'm sure you're right. You're a good judge of character."

Mason smiled, "Thanks."

In the morning, Jules woke up to find he'd fallen asleep on Rabbit with Not-Elias. He smiled, nuzzling his face against the pillow. He was so cute. So good. He remembered getting drunk and telling him everything, and he'd taken it in stride, just accepting...

He sighed, staring at the icon of Mason on the screen. He wished he knew him. This was just making him want to date him more, though he knew his own rules and didn't want to break them. It felt kinda shitty to feel like that, though, especially since Jules wanted to just... live, really, but it felt like there was always something holding him back. He wiped at his eyes, realizing he was crying a little. God, he was so pathetic.

Mason woke up again to see that Jules was awake. He smiled, then noticed he seemed kinda sad. Mason got up, washing his face and brushing his teeth, looking at himself in the mirror for a moment. Well, he looked as good as he usually did, he guessed. He guessed? Fuck. He was nervous. He groaned and put on a hoodie, yawning as he walked past the bunks and sat down, putting his earphones in.

Not-Elias: good morning! how're you feeling?

Jules jumped a little at the message tone, wiping his eyes again to make sure any trace of tears was gone. He disguised it as sleepy rubbing his eyes and smiled. "Morning, Not-Elias. I feel..." Jules considered telling the truth, laying on his back and staring at the ceiling. He settled on one thing. "Hungover. Kinda tired. My head hurts a little. How are you feeling?"

Not-Elias: a little flipped upside down, honestly

Not-Elias: but uh, overall, pretty good

Not-Elias: okay, actually im a little nervous

Not-Elias: hey

Not-Elias: do u know what would be cool

Not-Elias: u should play me some bass

Jules smiled. "I'm glad you're feeling okay, though. I mean— What happened is... a lot, probably. If you need to talk, I'm here. And you really want to hear me play right now? I— uh— okay." He leaned over, picking up his bass from the stand by his bed.

"I wonder if I can play it laying down." He plucked a few strings, then shifted his hands to play it. He laughed a little. "I guess I can... God, you have no idea how many times I've dropped this thing. I'm shocked it still plays." He lifted it up, grinning.

Mason smiled, watching him fondly as he grabbed the bass and played around with it, rambling and laughing. What was he even going to say? 'Hi, I'm not Elias, I'm Not-Elias, with a dash' or 'I'm Not-Elias, AKA Mason Hill AKA masonfucker1000 AKA an asshole?' or even 'Hey, it's Mason, please don't be mad at me or post about this?'.

God, everything he could think of was woefully lame. It was like his nerves had turned him into Chris.

"There's actually a really bad scratch somewhere on here, I think it's on the back... I dropped it when I first got it because my parents told me some shit, I don't even remember what, but it scared me. Oh— oh, I think it was when my grandpa died. They told me and I just... dropped it. It's funny now, because like... y'know, that was my grandpa, but— "

Mason couldn't take it any longer. He moved the mouse, cursor hovering over the camera icon. It seemed easier to do it when Jules was occupied, it made Mason less nervous than when he was looking at the screen. He turned his mic on first, then his camera, smiling. "Uh, hey," he said softly to get his attention. Hey wasn't exactly what he had wanted to say first, but fuck it. His heart was thumping in his ears.

[helvette]

I need someone to talk to but i don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone so that’s why im doing this. I don’t know how to cope with everything and I need to get it out some way and why im posting it?? I have no fucking idea. im gonna regret and get anxiety but right now I don't care about anything.

I feel like everything is getting beter but at the same time it’s getting worse. I can’t explain. I’ts better than how it used to be before I moved bit everything is still fucking shit. 

I miss my dad but I don’t miss him. I miss how it used to be between us but now I can see more clearly that hes tired. Hes so tired. I notice that when we meet and I tell him about everything that’s been going on in my life that he doesn’t care anymore. I can see it in his eyes. I know hes trying his best with everything and I’m so proud of him but I know what hes feeling and I can’t help him. 

I don’t see my big brother that often but I know he doesn’t like the place hes living but there nothing he can do about it. He can’t decide that himself and last time I saw him he started crying when he had to go back to his apartment. I wish I could help him too but I think he just gotta get used to it and get to know the staff that works there and maybe hes gonna start liking it more. 

I know hes probably gonna see this but I don’t care. Andrew and I broke up and I have no idea to get over him. I think about him all the time and the first time after we broke up and I saw a picture of him I cried. I heard his voice on his instastory and I cried. Every time im gonna go to bed I look at the necklace he got me and I feel so empty. I feel like my heart breaks in thousands of pieces all over again but I can’t just throw the necklace away. I tried but something is stopping me. The other night I realized the necklace wasn't where I thought I put it nd I freaked out. I jus couldn't deal with it. I looked everywhere and when I couldn't find it I cried so hard. the day after I found it in my backpack. Andrew was the only one that ever told me he loved me and that meant so much to me. I had never heard it before and im not sure if im ever gonna hear it again, honestly. I could say anything to him and hes the only person I’ve ever told everything to. But now even though we talk a little it feels like the trust I had for him is gone. Its not completely gone but I feel like I can’t tell him as much for one reason. Even though my heart is broken and im sad I have to thank him. He has done so much for me, more than I ever asked. Even though he could make me mad really easy he still made me the happiest man on earth and I want to thank him for these 2 years. Thank you Andrew for showing me how it feels to be loved and what love is. I love you for that. 

I talked to my therapist on the gender clinic about the break up and she asked me if I wanted to find someone new. Not like right now but like if I do want to be in a relationship or not since everyone around me is having crushes and shit. And I realized how fucking hard it is to find someone. Its already hard for straight people to find someone they like but its even harder to find someone as a gay trans dude. Especially when you live in a small town like me. Im thinking about this every day and even though im far from starting to date others it won’t stop bothering me. How is someone ever going to love someone like me? 

Annika is sometimes bothering me. I love her for taking me in and letting me stay with them and helping me with stuff I really do and I am so thankful for her but I just want her to try to understand me. I can tell her stuff that’s bothering me and she doesn’t and she gets mad at me for shit and she thinks she knows best about everything. I told her I ordered a new binder and she said I shouldn’t have to wear the binder and im gonna look on the internet for something else that can flatten my chest but she doesn’t even know what a binder is and shit. She’s criticizing me every day about everything I do or say.  I dont even know what or how to explain how ses acting but its bothering me so much and it’s giving me so much anxiety. 

Whenever I was sad before I could always listen to music to make me feel better. Or with a movie or something but it’s not working anymore. Whenever im watching a movie I can’t concentrate on it and I start thinking. And that makes me think sad thoughts and bad stuff about myself and everything that’s going on. The last like week and a half I’ve been sleeping so bad. Ive had bad dreams a lot, not nightmares but just bad dreams. I fall asleep late or wake up all the time making me sleep longer in the morning. I twist and I turn and I just want to feel safe. I feel safe as in somethings not gonna happen but I somehow still don’t feel safe. I don’t know I guess I wanna be ¨safe¨ from my own thoughts and think about something else and be safe from all this negativity. I don’t fucking know. 

I just got my hormone blockers and im gonna have them for about a year but I don’t know if I can wait that long honestly. They said that I would have to go to the gender therapy for about a year and ive been there since 2017. I don’t pass at all when im outside. I don’t even remember the last time someone I didn’t know called me by my right pronouns. I ordered this binder and it came yesterday and its too big but there's nothing I can do about it and its giving me so much fucking dysphoria.

This body is killing me. I fucking hate it. Working out gives me so much anxiety and when I try to explain it to people they won’t listen. At all. They tell me they used to have anxiety about it too or something but apparently I can’t and don’t know how to deal with it yet and jut because someone has anxiety over the same thing as me it doesn’t mean that we feel the same thing. I have this periods where I almost don’t eat anything and then periods where I eat too much. Right now Im not eating enough. Im eating about once a day and I feel sick when I do it. That makes me just want to stop eating completely so that I won’t feel sick but I can’t do that. 

I want to scream until I can’t talk anymore and hit the walls and get drunk and fucking hurt myself and just disappear

[alegendarystudentwonderland-blog]

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"axa insurance stock quote

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axa insurance stock quote

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Don't give me links or tell me to visit websites please!

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A watershed moment in the ongoing disaster of ObamaCare,as Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius finally admits that health insurance premiums are rising because of the Presidents health insurance takeover, per the Wall Street Journal : http://www.humanevents.com/2013/03/27/hhs-secretary-finally-admits-obamacare-is-raising-insurance-costs/""

Need help with car insurance!?!?!?

Alright, so I'm getting a car soon and I'm checking out insurances and I can't believe how #%@$ing expensive it is!!! I know I'm 19 and I'm a male so I will have expensive insurance but c'mon, they're basically wanting to charge me like almost 400 dollars a month!! Does anyone know what insurance companies are the cheapest? I already checked esurance and aigdirect. I have a daughter so I don't want just liability, I want good insurance.""

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Getting a car soon and wanted to know how insurance works if you tune it uo...like say a geo tracker with an RB26DETT in it...yes i no its close to impossible...would they charge more or what....i no they dont cosmetically but like adding a turbo would they add to ur insurance??

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The difference in my car insurance quote from the bare minimum ($356.50) to second or third in each category ($1,422.90) is over a thousand dollars. This is for a 6-month quote. I'm a very safe driver and have never been in an accident that is my fault. Someone rear-ended me once but there was only damage to his car. Should I risk going with bare minimum coverage? What do other people out there do? What level of insurance do you guys have?""

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My brother and me are sharing a car, I just got my license and my mom says i dont need to worry because the insurance covers the car not the driver, i live in texas, is this true?""

Do they let you take insurance?

hi does insurance companies in US,let you take life term insurance if you have HIV..""

Is it possible to negotiate the weekly premium deduction of company offered health care insurance?

I was told I could not enroll in the Affordable Health Care plan because my employer offered a health care plan that meets the requirements of the Affordable Health Care Act. However ...show more

Can i insure 2 cars by 2 different insurance companies?

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Insurance company for getting car out of compound?

I have full licence but need to get insurance company to cover to get car out of police compound

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Which auto cost more for auto insurance sienna or rava 4?

How much should my 19 yr old be paying for liability insurance?

She has had a policy with State Farm for liability which is the requirement in Illinois which was about $68 a month Yesterday they said she now has to pay $130 a month for insurance on a 1995 Toyota Camry. There is no loan on the car, so I told her just to get the basic liability insurance in illinois. Isnt $130 a month high and why do you suppose it all the sudden went up. I told her to call them back and she did. They gave her some spill about a deposit and monthy payments. My name is on the title of the car, neither of us have ever had a wreck. I insure an old truck for about $45 a month. What do you think about her sudden increase in payment from State Farm? I am trying to make her independent, so I have refused to pay her insurance.""

Why is auto insurance through Geico so cheap?

I've been shopping around for car insurance and I am surprised at the quoted price of Geico in comparison to most other companies. Geico is much cheaper than my current insurance company, and many other insurance companies. How can they offer such cheap rates, especially with all of the advertising they do? Are people having difficulty getting money out of Geico when they make claims? It just seems odd to me that they can offer such low rates.""

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Is cure auto insurance a scam?

is cure auto insurance a scam. they seems to good to be true

What insurance companies are in massachusetts?

I believe that insurance in mass is horrible, but I don't know if there are even other insurance companies here where can I find out?""

Can i pay for my car insurance weekly?

i am 20 years old and im finding it hard to get insured. is it possible for me to get insurance for a week and only use the car on the weeks that i insure it? it would work out cheaper for me that way because i would only pay insurance on the weeks i need the car... thanks

Drivers: How much do you pay car insurance?

Please state: Licence type Years driving Gender Age Engine size

Help me find a good auto insurance company for pizza delivery?

I live in Brisbane QLD. Can you guys help me find the best insurance company that offers commercial insurance with the smallest excess at the least premium. I'm going to be using my car for delivering pizza. Obviously I'm not expecting anything cheap because most insurance companies are in it for the money, not the customer. I've looked at RACQ and some other more well known companies, is there anyone else I should check?""

Car Insurance and deductible payment?

My car window got smashed in and my windshield got cracked from vandalism. Nothing was stolen. I am taking my car in for inspection today. My question is, if my car deductible is $500, and if the resulting cost of the repair is less than the deductible, do I have to pay the deductible? It just doesn't seem correct to pay $250 each month, and then have to pay on top of that $500 for a repair that we could have saved up to pay for? Does anyone know if we have to pay the deductible if our repair cost is less than the deductible?""

Will I get my parent's insurance after age 18?

I plan on taking a year off of school when I graduate high school. When I turn 18 during that year, because I am not a full time student, will I get taken off my parents health care?""

How can we make health care insurance work like car insurance?

Everyone is familiar with how car insurance works. Its available to all. Its pretty cheap. They can't drop you from coverage even if you are a drunk driver. Once you have a accident they dont raise you rates too much. Why can't health care be more like Geico (insurance) and your local car repair man (doctor) and the DMV (government help)?

""20 years old, considering seeking psychological help but have no health insurance and low income?""

I'm a 20 year old college student who works part-time at Best Buy. I consider myself intelligent and talented but I've had difficulty focusing for as long as I can remember and have struggled to self-motivate, or maybe just to see a point to anything, for at least the last 4 years. I'm tired of feeling this way and I want to do something about it, in the form of seeking professional psychological help, but I have no health insurance and very little income. I guess what I'm looking for is any government program that might throw me a bone, any kind of budget therapy, somewhere that might give me a free consultation or diagnosis so I'd at least know what I was dealing with, or just general empathy from people my age in a similar boat.""

Stopped for no car insurance but we do have insurance car seized not fair?

11.30pm last night pulled over said no insurance.Did not have insurance document in the car,just the license.Because of the time they seized the car because they could not phone the insurance company.Told them only way i can get proof is bank statement as i was 20 miles from home,but that was still not good enough.I have paid insurance by direct debit for the last 2 years and no problems.so i am well cheesed off this has happened. Have produced the lenience at local station,and shown them documents,they phoned the insurance company and have now give released papers to pick up the car.I am very unhappy with this whole situation and now out of pocket. Is there anyway of claiming the costs from police or insurance company,whoever it is to blame,as there is no way i can be liable for something i am paying for,and to pay 30in taxi fares another 20 to get to the car compound and another 170 to release the car.There must be a way i claim this money back as i feel i am in the right.plus have to fight the 200 fine and 6points also totally unfair and messed up situation this is. I just can't except the inconvenience and the costs that i have to pay when i am legit on the road.surely i can claim if anyone knows""

Health Insurance Policies For Smokers?

How are health insurance policies for smokers differ from that for non smokers?

Insurance for new driver?

For a new male driver that just got their permit, which car would have cheaper insurance? 2013 Audi A6 3.0T or a 2000 Corvette convertible Most people's first responses are the Corvette, because it is a sports car. However, it has only slightly more power than the Audi, and is worth less than half of what the Audi is. Both cars are titled under the same persons name, if that makes a difference. Would the difference in value make the Corvette's insurance cheaper, or will it still be higher?""

Can an insurance company raise your rates even though you've completed 12 hour traffic school?

I understand that a 2nd violation within 18 months appears on your public record. I was told that even though after taking 12 hour traffic school and my violation appearing as a dismissal....insurance companies can still legally raise my rates. Then I see people refer to a CA law that states that even if a violation appears on a public record, if there is a dismissal insurance companies cannot legally raise your rates.""

How much would insurance cost for a 16 yr old female?

I'm 16 & getting a 2010 Nissan Maxima. Don't tell me not to get it because I'll wreck or trash it. I learned how to drive when I was 12 and I drove all the time when I got my permit. I'm not going to trash it at all. All I need to know if how much insurance might be. A rough estimate because I know everywhere is different. Some few details: I'm 16, a female, straight A student, and really responsible. Thanks.""

Why are car insurance quotes on comparison sites so high?

I'm almost 17 and I'm hoping to learn to drive and buy a car, I was looking on some comparison sites to see what the insurance might be on some possible cars (ford KA, fiat sciento, nothing too fancy) but the quotes were ridiculously high? I know being 17 will mean expensive insurance but this was really expensive, they said the cheapest was around 6000 for third party. This is really high because I know loads of people who drive at 17 and their insurance ranges from 1800-3000. So, why is it so high and will it actually be this price when I come to pay the insurance?""

Help! I need health insurance by thursday?

I finally went to the doctor for my period( lasting for nearly a month now) Currently self-pay but wanted to know if I can get affordable insurance by my next Doctor visit. I need to get lab work done, which everyone tells me its a lot of money. And I have to visit a Gyno for an ultrasound which when I called I received a price I cant possibly afford right now.What I do know is that I can't afford to miss the appoint ments. I am concerned about my health. So if anyone have any suggestions or answers please let know.""

Can you have car insurance without owning a car?

my 20 year old is in another state going to college, can he get car insurance on his brother's car?""

How much does it cost to insure a Ford Mustang?

Now for my first car I really wanted a Ford and the only one I like is the mustang. I know that they are sports cars so the insurance is high but I would like to know exactly how much it would cost for insurance especially since it would be my first car.

Riding a motorcycle without licence?

I just bought my first motorcycle today, and I'm enrolled in the msf course but it dosn't start for a few weeks. Can i still ride my bike legally?""

Can you name a place in so. California where I can purchase minimum legal auto liability insurance?

I would be greatly obliged if you didn't limit your answer to something like contact your insurance agent . For one, I don't have one yet, that's part of the problem. I currently have neither a car nor insurance. For my first car, I want to buy a car from one of the many people selling their used cars in my metropolitan area. But without insurance, I cannot drive the car home or even test drive it. I would like to buy the minimum liability insurance that is required by California law BEFORE I choose and buy a car so that way I can go to nearby cities test driving cars, and drive back the one I buy. I have tried shopping online for insurance. I went to all the insurance companies that are on TV plus several others. I came across two issues 1) they base the insurance on what type of car you have, and I do not know which one I am going to get yet, 2) they want to sign me up for complete car and driver's insurance, even though they claim to let me customize my plans. I do not qualify for the state liability insurance for low income drivers. Can you specifically name a place where I can walk in and purchase only auto liability insurance?""

Does it matter if spouses use the same insurance company?

My husband and I have health insurance through his job, and now my job is offering to pay for some of my life insurance. We are going to get life insurance from his company, but I just wondered if it was a bad idea to have life insurance through two companies.""

""Please, what company can I get maternity insurance coverage with in Florida?""

My husband and I are not yet pregnant, but we are already trying. We do not qualify for medicaid and have no health insurance. We do not want to wait the twelve month waiting period before getting pregnant. So far my only option seems to be Ameriplan. I was hoping for more options.""

Question about life insurance?

Here is a little background info...I am a month away from joining the navy and going to flight school, I am 26 no health problems and my wife is 23 with no health problems. I went to get car insurance and the lady suggested i get life insurance now why I am still considered a substitute teacher. She said once I join the military It will require A lot more info and also my career will be considered hazordous. Does this sound right? And finally she just did a quick quaote and to cover my wife and myself each for 250k it will cost just under 70 dollars. This is also whole life not term and she said after a certain amount of time I could also cash the policy out and even make money ( something like 30 yrs). Does all this sound legit and does the quote sound reasonable, it was also state farm if that makes a difference. Thanks""

First time getting car insurance I'm 20 years old...help!?

I'm 20 (will be 21 in March '08) and have only been on my dad's insurance. His record isn't that great so to add on a car to his is expensive. My relative is selling a '98 Escort - very basic - to get to work and college. $1500 car. don't understand collison and comprehensive. The one that pays for a replacing the car I don't want. Anyway, I went online for quotes and they ask if I've had insurance before and I haven't (on my own) so I'm not sure if I'm being docked for that. I have a clean driving record and just want some basic coverage mostly for if I hit other people. Could someone guide me so I don't have to pay an arm and a leg? What are the ranges I should look for? I see numbers like 200/300/500 but I don't get it. My mom said she'd insure the car under her insurance but then naming me as a drive might be expensive. How do people get insurance that covers any driver? Like when people use other people's car? So many questions! It's hard to work, be in college and pay for car.""

How would you fix health care in the US?

I feel good and bad about this law. I'm conservative. I don't entirely agree with the law. But it's good that people are able to get on an affordable insurance plan if they have a pre-existing condition rather than being left out to die. But what about the people who are getting kicked off insurance plans and now have to pay even higher rates than they already were? I get a subsidy for my plan. I don't feel like I deserve it. I saw a lady on the news who had cancer and couldn't get insurance. I feel like she is the one who deserves a subsidy so she can get a plan. How do you feel about this law? And what happens if a Republican gets into office or they control the legislative branch in 2014 and repeal the law? Then what?

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