#i dont have many mutuals but i tagged people that i thought could possibly do it lmao

[fourteentrout]

ACOTAR tag game 💕

thanks for tagging me @mathiwrites ! I don't normally do these even when tagged because i never know who to tag, a lot of times everyone i think of is already tagged LOL, but i figured id start today!

I don't think I've seen one around, and figured this might be fun to do!

Answer the questions below & tag whoever you want, or make it an open tag!!

Who's your favourite ACOTAR character?

My boy tamlin!!

Who's your least favourite character?

Hm....hmmmm...oh Amren for sure.

Say something nice about your least favourite character.

She has a cool character concept and i thought it was really sweet and endearing when she gave feyre the bracelet (necklace?) to help her get through the Prison trip without panicking

Who's your favourite High Lord? (If you picked one for your fav character, then who's your second fav!)

Oooh hm not to be a copycat but I loved tarquin from the moment he was introduced, he was an instant fav and i was kind of sad that he didn't have more involvement later on that didn't have to do with the whole feyre and rhys betraying his trust thing

Favourite MINOR character?

ooh i dont know if this is minor enough but i've come to really like jurian. i didn't really have much of an opinion on him for most of the series and then for some reason in silver flames when he was in it for like 2 seconds i was like wait a minute why haven't i been more into this guy he kinda fucks

Favourite ship? (Crackships included!)

tamsand by far. though azris is becoming a close second.

Favourite court and why?

well i loved the spring court aesthetic from the first book, but at this point in the series I think I'd say maybe actually dawn. it just sounded so pretty, and i think it would be one of the subtler, less overwhelming courts while still being awe-inspiring.

Make up a brand new court RIGHT NOW, NO PREP JUST VIBES.

oh shoot um okay court of clouds?? people who specialize in wind manipulation, likely populated by a race related to the Peregryns or Drakon's race? an actual cloud court like in the sky could be a vibe I think. perhaps it would be more removed from the politics of prythian--they'd still have a High Lord, but maybe it would be more of a military government or something.

What relationship would you have wanted to see more of in the books?

oh wow i mean i am always here for more rhys and tamlin content obviously, but i would have also loved to see more of like stories and stuff about the sentries from the spring court that went over the wall, like Andras. andras and lucien's relationship in particular would be one I would have liked to know more about. I also really want to see Azriel and his mom.

What's your unpopular opinion?

god what ISN'T my unpopular opinion. hm. i think feyre's whole reasoning for wanting a baby out of seemingly nowhere is dumb. like i get it, yolo, life can be cut short, but like i really do not feel like she picked a good time to have a baby, nor do i think she is remotely ready to be a mother. when she realized she wanted kids in acofas, it wasn't a strong enough argument for me to actually like get behind her decision.

What's your favourite headcanon/fan canon?

omg i have so many I literally started a list lol. the first one on it is kind of silly, it's that Helion is actually the faerie romance author sellyn drake that nesta, emerie, and gwyn like

If you were swept away to Prythian, what's ONE thing you would want to do?

go to a festival! not necessarily something as crazy as calanmai, but i would love to go to some sort of celebration. maybe starfall?

If you could have ONE faerie ability seen in the books, which would it be?

shapeshifting without a doubt

thanks again for the tag! ill tag @cheap-spirits @achaotichuman @thedickgraysons @wingsdippedingold @hugevanserrass @lady-of-sevenwaters @the-darkestminds @msbrownwithacrown @tamlinsnailtech and anyone else who wants to contribute!! if were mutuals and i didnt tag u im sorry i tried to think of as many as possible LOL but yeah definitely feel free to contribute if you want to! this was fun

[evilminji]

OKAY. *slams open door in manic about to have opinions*

MAYBE i am binging so, SO much unhinged bnha fics? Have already sent this to all my mutual and is not ENOUGH? But everyone is focused on these BABIES and not the MOST unhinged of them all? You COWARDS!!!

That's RIGHT! Ya girl has been hitting the "yandere/obsessive/possessive" behavior tag on Ao3 and is REFUSING TO BE NORMAL ABOUT IT! I have THOUGHTS DAMN IT! AaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA-!!! *Flips table*

Why the FUCK everyone focusing on BABIES?

I get it, don't yuck someone else's yum. To each their own. I respect that. But ALSO? What lvl of unhinged could they POSSIBLY HAVE? They are FIVE. SMOOTH FACED TODDLER BABY BOYS! A CHILD!

Like? Listen...

You know how Quirks are basicly evolutionary advantages? Random protections that are hit or miss? I have touched on this before in my naruto WIP (that i never posted but shush), but there must exsist a theoretical opposite of killing intent.

A sort of loving/peaceful intent if you will. A SAFETY intent. Or, for the purposes of THIS scenario and slightly to the left of that, a "love me" field. Which? Unlike what the perverse might believe or suggest? Just makes the target... love you.

Not sexually desire.

Love. Care about. Emotional connection.

And, yeah, maybe i've just been reading too many fics where shigiraki do what shigiraki does, and he is his unhinged obsessed lil self. Too many unhinged yandere fics where i darkly mutter "you are forgetting their Core Character Motivatioooooons! Just write an OC!"

Because you can twist a characters personality WITHOUT forgetting who they ARE. Thats what makes it INTERESTING, after all. Seeing how it could go so very, very wrong. How a good emotion, taken too extreme, can corrupt! N it's not just "oh that means violence n cursing right? Immediately jumping to cruelty?"

Its the obsession. The need to consume. The manipulation and care in which they try and maintain the illusion. It isn't one crack and "whelp, fuck it I guess!". Every character is different! Breaks under the strain of 1000% loving someone, DIFFERENT. And it brings up FASCINATING dynamics n potential quirk reactions?

Cause a emotional quirk WILL work. Even on people who supposed "dont have any" emotions? Because thats not how the human body FUNCTIONS. They HAVE all the necessary components. They just have a disorder. The Quirk would be forcing their body to MIMIC "feel-Y.exe" and their body would go with that. How THEY would process that data? What would it FEEL like to THEM? Whole different story.

But they WOULD feel "love" in what ever capacity THEY understand it.

You don't want to hurt your BEST FRIEND do you? You love them. Your BELOVED SISTER? This CUTE CHILD? She seems so NICE. Or maybe it's a precious and to be protected PET? She doesn't know what she'll get, "love" is nebulous and multifaceted. Could be platonic, familial, romantic. The love of a comrade. But it's never failed BEFORE. (Not, that I imagine, she being a well adjusted young lady, would feel morally comfortable USING said quirk in such times of peace. On anybody.)

We're all friend here, right? No need to be aggressive! Hurt anybody! Let's all put our weapons down, yeah?

But! This runs into a PROBLEM. The fuckin Yandere. Your bog standard sociopath. Those to whom this love field/targeting/ray/what-have-you is either so completely foreign too or NOTICEABLE as to be ineffective. Or to whom "love" is AGGRESSIVE.

Who's concept of "love" would actually make the problem WORSE.

I bring this up? Because I am FACINATED by the concept of AfO falling in love.

He... he would be COMPLETELY unhinged about it. The very act would unlock LAYERS to his deeply fucked up, highly obsessive, mind games and bank vaults, squirrel brain.

But I don't think he'd ever WILLINGLY fall in love. Or even be capable. Might be a brain chemistry thing, honesty. But the very reason his CLINGS to his his brothers quirk? Is because his brother was HIS. They were connected. It was... the closest thing he understood to love. And he is unhinged even to this day about it.

EIGHT GENERATIONS OF USERS LATER.

So like? If he spooked some poor soul? With a "love me" quirk? And she, in terror, tried to blast this Scary Supervillian into Not Hurting Her? She would have NO WAY of knowing that she just made a HUGE fucking mistake. Like... conceivably, the WORST mistake.

Because all it would take? Is her NOT instantly dying. No reflexive "how dare you use your Quirk on me". And? The altered brain chemistry starts to kick in. He's suddenly getting?? All these NICE happy brain chemicals that his body has been fuckin STARVED off? Fascinating new sensations? Elevated mood?

It's fake. He KNOWS it's fake. :) But that doesn't mean he won't murder her if she STOPS :)

Looooove yoooou~♡

Does it shift in to real, deeply deranged, love? Impossible to tell. Someone for the LOVE OF GOD call All Might. But?? He's just such an unhinged MESS it's fascinating to explore how emotional quirks would even react to him? Fascinating to think about how he would REACT if he had a SECOND "little brother" scenario. A person he CARED about. But this time... WORSE because it was in a way he could somewhat comprehend AND he had FAR more power then before.

Would it derail everything? Would he be able to focus on his Machiavellian plans while being able to fold them into them? Would he fuckin CONSUME THEM like he did Tomura? Ultimate form of love, after all, to become HIM.

How long could she, the hypothetical Quirk holder, keep that Quirk ACTIVE? Fear is a powerful motivator.

Just?? Why are there not more fics about the Ultimate Creep, BEING CREEPY AND UNHINGED??? He's VERY GOOD AT IT. Has had a LOT OF PRACTICE. LET AfO be deeply insane, 2XXX!

[bigskydreaming]

Just in general, and not actually prompted by one specific conversation as this is something I've noted for awhile, but speaking just for myself - unless I post something under a read more and with tags about just wanting to get something off my chest and not wanting it reblogged....anything and everything else I post I do so not with the EXPECTATION of engagement, but with an active interest IN that post being engaged with in various ways, from reblogging to actual commentary, etc.

I don't post just to hear myself talk or the written equivalent or whatever. I can post to private if that's what I need/want. Please don't ever feel like you need to be circumspect about reblogging something I've posted just because I've gotten personal or am discussing something sensitive. Even if I am, I've made the conscious choice to do so in public for my own reasons. I don't need or want to be protected from that, and that's actually usually contrary to my actual wants.

Again, this isn't aimed at anyone in particular, but over the years I have noticed a tendency of people to unintentionally infantilize survivors, for example, who are willing to be forthcoming about not just their experiences but their reactions and feelings about various fandom behaviors towards and around survivors, and its actually not helpful when people choose not to reblog those posts if they're only doing so because they feel like they're trying to protect OP from backlash......we know we're going to get backlash. By the time we're making those posts, we've already gotten more backlash than you'll ever see, via tags on our posts or messages in our inboxes or vagueblogs from people that until the actual vagueblog we thought were mutuals we could trust.

We're usually making posts in SPITE of that, because like....we feel its worth it. As I said before, I personally don't have any expectations with any specific post I make ever, but I do make the posts I make with at least the HOPE that it might get people to think about something in ways they haven't before, or consider my POV or the possibility that my POV on a subject isn't actually what they thought or assumed it would be.

If something I post resonates with you, then respond to it or reblog it because it resonates with you or you feel like passing it along or whatever. That's literally all I ask with posts I make. I like to be very straightforward about what I'm thinking or want to say, because tumblr is an opt-in system and I trust people who follow me to make their own decisions about whether my content is worth following me for or not, at any given point. Trust me to make my own decision about whether I want to post certain content or not at any given point, and just make your decision about how to interact with it.

I think people have a mistaken impression about this based on how I've ranted about the whole Dont Like/Dont Read concept in the past. I'm going to reblog an old post that clarifies why I see that as something very different from this, that I'm genuinely not sure if most people ever saw or read, because I do know a lot of people follow me in spite of my stances on certain topics and don't actually....read everything I write on them, lol.

But my issue with the concept of Dont Like/Dont Read has never been in thinking that there's no merit in curating your own experience on tumblr or social media in general, or that people aren't responsible for making their own choices in regards to what they post and what they reblog and who they follow, its more complicated than that. Most of my thoughts on these matters are, which is why I object so much to them usually being boiled down according to most peoples' pre-existing default assumptions on them.

(Also, there's another post I've been meaning to get around to making about another drawback of Dont Like/Dont Read that most people never think about....the fact that many csa/rape/abuse/incest survivors WANT to find community and share tips or discuss recovery or things like that, but absolutely categorically CANT because of how much csa/rape/abuse/incest fics have taken over the tagging on tumblr, AO3 and pretty much every other site to use something similar....and with people always defensively jumping to "well you only have yourself to blame for exposing yourself to this content instead of just avoiding those tags"......it flies completely over most peoples' heads that via your assumption that the only reason people WOULD go in search of tags like "incest cw" or "rape tw" is because they're seeking out fics or headcanons about those things....you've completely discounted how many people want to talk about these things or share thoughts/experiences about them as a TOPIC, to better inform themselves or others, etc.

But we can't. Because any actual informative posts or content aimed at sharing tips, experiences, perspectives....are completely lost within the far larger sea of dark fics about these topics that we apparently, are not supposed to be looking at or even acknowledging for 'our own good' - even if they were never the reason we ventured into a particular tag in the first place. And so, an inevitable end result of this is we're further boxed out of actual generative/productive topics about OUR OWN FUCKING EXPERIENCES and the things that our perspectives are MOST FUCKING RELEVANT TO....unless we fall under the heading of survivors who are 'allowed' in most peoples' eyes to be looking at dark fic because we've already expressed that we're fine with that or have no notes or use it to cope or whatever.

But again, its not like survivors are a monolith or whatever.....just interesting that despite that, only one of two specific reactions seems to be generally accepted from us. Either survivors are fine with anything and everything said on these topics or about them, or we're expected to stay far away from them for 'our own good' and leave them to the sophisticated or undamaged individuals capable of handling them without any complaint or criticism whatsoever.)

Okay so went on a bit of a tangent there, but like I said, that one's been bugging at me for a long time. Stop infantilizing us in the name of protecting us from stuff we never asked to be protected from because any possibility of that went out the window the second it happened, especially when we have no choice but to live in the same rape/abuse culture obsessed society as anyone else. Do us the courtesy of just listening to what we are ACTUALLY saying and what we are ACTUALLY asking for, if we're actually asking for something at all, rather than just saying....here is a thing that I have a right to feel about this topic and I am saying it as is my right just as much as anyone else has the undisputed right to write literally anything about this subject whatsoever, no matter how dark or exploitative or inaccurate, etc.

[02jaeminjae]

15 Questions 15 Mutuals

Tag by @korimi4 💕💕💕

are u named after someone? No, at least I don't think so but I think they just went on google and searched “basic white girl names” and now I have the name Madison/Maddie but its lit I guess lmao

last time I cried? I know exactly when, July 10th, only cause I was going through a rough time that week

any kids? Maybe one but other than that I just want cats lol

Do I use sarcasm? Sarcasm is the best thing in the world lmao

first thing I notice about a person? Their smile and their eyes

what’s your eye color? Brown

scary movies or happy endings? I’ll say Happy Endings because I don't watch scary movies like that so yeah

Special talents? Nothing special but I can draw??

birthplace? Philadelphia, Pennslyvania (yep I'm from the hood lol snsn)

hobbies? Singing, drawing, dancing, eating, listening to music, and watching NCT videos, that's basically what I need to live tbh

do you / have you played any sports? I have never played any sports but I like playing volleyball, basketball, soccer, and sometimes I like to play hockey but no I have never played any sports. It’s like I like playing sports but I absolutely HATE watching it

pets? I have 4 cats and 2 dogs, my mom's side of the family loves NCT so much that our dog is named after Fire Truck, “Soba” lmao love that for our dog

height? 5′6 or 167/170cm

fave subject in school? Math and English, I know that's what nerd like but I'm a nerd so lol

dream job? To help children that need it, be a dance teacher, or be a vet

I tag @isearchedtheyooniverse @kwibu @wongyukhei @winwinshie @winwinun @seulgirosesana @gamerwoo @jisung--pwark @my-woozi-happiness @lysyuta

And anyone else who wants to do it!!

[keibea]

thank you to the lovely @nectar-cellar for tagging me. anyone who knows me knows i absolutely ADORE these things so thank you so much!!

Why did you choose your url?

well this is an interesting story (not really). basically i was signing up for deviant art, because i wanted to look at...well, art. and i had to come up with a name. i thought long and hard about this (10 seconds tops) and decided on keibea. because like i could go kayyyy beee...yeah it means absolutely nothing

How long have you been on tumblr?

hmmmmm well this tumblr has been around since 2020 i believe, but i was on here before then. possibly 2013? maybe 2014? ive been around since then, but i wasnt active.

Do you have a queue tag?

nah im not that organised

Why did you start your blog in the first place?

well ive always been taking photos of my sims and editing them to a certain extent, and i was like, well this is depressing, no one is seeing these but me. so i started a tumblr, so i could show everyone and be a general nuisance :D

Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

i just changed it now because i knew this question was coming...it changes every few weeks tbh currently i changed it for them cottage core vibez

Why did you choose your header?

again, changed it now because i knew this question was coming. same thing, for them cottage core vibezz

What’s your post with the most notes?

i believe it's actually my ghibli notebook conversion to sims 4 LOL

How many mutuals do you have?

a lot, i usually follow everyone that follow me LOLOLOLOL

How many followers do you have?

somehow, i managed to get 1,161

How many people do you follow?

1070 tbh i actually thought i followed a lot more. again, i tend to follow everyone

Have you ever made a shit post?

i dont technically know what this is...like shiz post as in a post thats terrible? if so, yes. several.

Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

oh frick to the no, im awful with conflict. id get completely destroyed and probably start crying.

How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

i ignore usually, i dont like being told what to do

Do you like tag games?

YES

Do you like ask games?

YES

Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

@lazysunjade ngl

Do you have a crush on a mutual?

ive already proclaimed my love to a lot of my mutuals

-

you are so welcome for this, come back again soon. imma tag @johziii , @lazysunjade @thesimperiuscurse @amuhav (just to ensure they do it) , @omedapixel and honestly anyone else who wants too

[caroldantops]

hey! im quite new here and i have seen a lot of talk about readers interactions and i was wondering what is the best way to support my favorite writers (like you) because i think i have been doing this wrong and i really want to support writers who do this<3 ps. sorry if that was confusing, english isnt my first language

not confusing at all babes! you're 100% clear.

also can i just say, i very much appreciate you asking this. i would much rather more people speak up and be like "hey, we dont know the best way to support our favorite writers so how can we?" other than just. Not Knowing and Not Doing Anything.

so, im going to speak from my own personal experience but also what ive seen many of my mutuals/writers i follow talk about. this might get a little long but i wanna answer as thoroughly as i can because people should know!

im putting it under a read more because it got hella long, but please i encourage everyone who reads fics but don't interact to read and consider these things.

fellow writers i encourage you to reblog and add any other commentary you think is helpful!

before anything else (this is absolutely not directed at you, anon, you're perfect), i just want to get this out of the way. never come to a writer's blog and get angry with them for complaining about lack of engagement. like jesus christ. writers are putting hours of work on tumblr for you for free. the least we ask is for comments and reblogs. that's it. if you go and act shitty towards writers who ask for more engagement, yet still follow and wait for the next fic, like what are you even doing bro. just stop.

anyway. now let's get to the actual question!

basically all writers on tumblr will agree, reblogs are vital. and i feel like that gets said a lot but maybe people dont actually understand how impactful it is so lemme give an example.

so let's say hypothetically i have 100 followers. that is 100 potential people who see a fic that i post (i say potential because timezones exist so you might not see it as it's posted)

and let's say one of my followers (Person A) reblogs it, and they have 50 followers. that's 50 more people that can read the fic.

and let's say Person B followers Person A and they also reblog it to their 50 followers.

with only two people reblogging a fic, that's already doubling the number of people who have read the fic.

now imagine Person C followers Person A and reblogs the fic, and Person C has like, 1,000 followers. that's so much more exposure for the writer.

and that's only from two followers of the writer. so imagine if all 100 that read the fic reblogged it? the numbers skyrocket at an exponential rate.

plus, more people reading means that the writer could get more people follow them. so they get a more consistent audience.

likes, on the other hand, do not guarantee this exposure. i would say that most people don't have their likes public on tumblr. and also, even if they do, i know that I'm not about to scroll through people's likes rather than scrolling thru their blogs. likes up the notes, and that's about it. of course i understand liking a fic so you can come back to it later, i do that all the time. but if I've liked a fic, i always reblog it once I've read it.

now, say you're reading hardcore smut that you might not want on your main blog for whatever reason, so that's why you don't reblog a fic. look, i get it. sometimes irl people follow your blog, or sometimes you just don't want people to know what you're getting up to. but that's why i made a sideblog specifically for fics.

this entire blog BEGAN as a way for me to reblog fics i liked. and then it grew and grew and grew into all this. not saying that you have to start writing if you do that of course, but i guarantee, i'd rather see a small sideblog blog with like 3 followers reblog my fic than a blog just like the fic and leave. because that's still 3 more people who will see my fic and possibly read it and reblog it. 3 is better than none.

comments. reblogs are important, but comments are really what keep writers writing. they inspire us with new ideas, help figure out what it is that people enjoy from us, help us improve our writing, and most importantly, they make us feel good. and like writing and posting is worth it.

now, i know that sometimes it can feel awkward reblogging with a comment directly on the post. i even usually don't do that unless it's with a friend. but here are some alternatives/tips!

send an ask or DM! if you're really intimidated, sending an anonymous message is by far the easiest way to bypass that awkwardness.

write in the tags!! i cannot express this enough. comment in the tags. ramble about the fic. just put three tags worth of screaming. literally ANY comments in the tags are my favorite thing. i promise you that writers will scroll thru like basically every tag.

also, if they post it on both tumblr and ao3, don't feel weird about giving a little comment on both! i do that all the time. you can even be like 'hey i read this on tumblr first but wanted to say again how much i enjoyed it' and that is like, heart burstingly nice to hear.

also, if you're having trouble coming up with something to say, my like top commenting tip as both a writer and a reader is point out something specific that you like about the fic. when i comment on a fic (this is moreso when i comment on ao3 bc my comments are always longer there) i try to point out a particular line i like. literally if you just copy and paste it and go 'wow i really really like this line especially' that is the number one way to a writer's heart. seriously. it's the simplest thing, but it makes SUCH an impact.

however, if your comments are only asking for more fics, then that's not a comment, that's a request (which not all writers take).

saying something like 'hey i loved this fic a lot! if you have more in store for this in the future, i'd be really excited to read it!' is a million times better than 'will you do a part 2'. i know they don't sound that different, but i promise you that the tone makes a big difference.

(i honestly have more thoughts about good ways to get over commenting fear/know what exactly to comment that doesn't feel generic, so if people would like me to make another post about it i'd do it.)

and last but not least, if the writer has a way to donate, like a ko-fi, that always is so appreciated. of course, take care of yourself first, but if you have a few bucks and wanna show some support to your faves, that's a great way to help :)

oh! also, if the writer ever reblogs those little ask game things, just send them something! engagement outside of writing is also so much appreciated.

i think that's about everything i can think of! i hope this is helpful and that my explanations weren't confusing (if i need to clarify anything let me know). and again, thank you so much for asking! even doing that shows that you're a reader who cares, and that means the world ❤

[help-i-need-a-cool-username]

Been thinking about what Mordred's life in Camelot would've been like if Merlin didn't hate him and then thought about how if Morgana was around she would probably always give him her favor at every tournament (until he married) and the other knights would tease him for that so have a broad outline for a Beloved Characters Dont Turn Evil AU

Morgana discovers her magic and Merlin swears to her that he'll protect her. He comforts her when she's scared and Merlin begs Gaius to share his knowledge and suspicions about Morgana to Morgana herself. One night Morgana bursts into their quarters in hysterics, waking them up, screaming and sobbing, and it feels like Merlin's hug is the only thing holding her together but its not enough. Glass starts shattering, candles flare, chandeliers fall to the ground. Gaius decides at this point not telling her will do considerable more harm than not, to both herself and others. They stay up through the night. Gaius speaking and Morgana asking questions, Merlin with a supportive hand on Morgana's shoulder. At one point Morgana tearfully asks the question Merlin asked Gaius long ago, "am i a monster?". They all fall asleep at the table, and that morning when Gwen arrives to wake Morgana only to find her absent with her blankets thrown over the bed and several things knocked over she runs and alerts the guards. The guards initiate lockdown and the commotion reaches Uther and wakes Arthur (Merlin is once again late), and they proceed to fear she was kidnapped right under their noses without anyone knowing. Arthur runs down to get Merlin so he can prepare him for the day only to open the door to find the three of them asleep on the table.

Later Merlin organizes for Morgana to learn more than Gaius can tell her from the Druids, but she intends to stay the night at least, if not then significantly longer (anywhere from a week to several months), and they have no good excuse for her to use that would allow her to leave without Gwen and guards. They come up with some very convoluted plan, which does not end up in the raid that occurred in canon, and when Gwen catches her sneaking back she lies and says she wanted to check up on Mordred (who she did run into), to see if he was with the Druid encampment that was rumored to be nearby (which he was). She didn't learn nearly as much as she hoped in those few hours, but they at least pointed her in a direction.

Morgause comes to town, and leaves Morgana her bracelet. After discovering it stops her visions Morgana takes it to Gaius, who reveals it was enchanted and looks similar to the one Lady Vivienne used to wear. Morgana states Morgause got it from her mother, but that Lady Vivienne was Morgana's mother and wonders how the bracelet ever got to Morgause. Gaius says there was a rumor that Lady Vivienne had a baby that displayed a affinity for magic, but Gorlois told Uther their baby had died before they even named her. Gaius reveals that the baby was smuggled out of Camelot and given to the High Priestesses, and Morgause might very well be that baby. Morgana begins to long for a connection with Morgause, to meet the sister she never knew of and recover something of her dead parents. When she begins secretly meeting Morgause, she tells Merlin and then asks him to come with her when she begins receiving lessons from her. Morgause tries to convince them that killing Uther is the right thing to do, but Merlin keeps reassuring Morgana that all they need to do is convince Arthur to change the law for when he is king, and he's not ready to do that now so theres no use in killing Uther before he's ready, and that she does love Uther and Uther does love her and would try to "fix" her well before he ordered her death. Morgause still wants him dead, to rush the prophecy of magic's return. Them sneaking out every few nights cements the idea that Morgana and Merlin are secretly dating in castle gossip.

Im not sure what happens with Morgause, but i think she would still take Camelot at some point and she would spare Morgana and by extension Merlin. Morgana and Merlin make sure to get Arthur out (and Merlin probably goes with him) because they dont trust Morgause to not kill him. Morgause reveals her heritage (and makes Morgana a Princess and her Heir) despite claiming the throne for people of magic and not the House of Gorlois, and the knowledge that Vivienne and one of her daughters were sorceresses leads Uther to believe he can not save Morgana from magic that is likely in her blood and THAT is what breaks his mental state. Morgana's real heritage is revealed soon after, with Uther informing Gaius that Morgana being a Princess is actually within her birth rights. Morgause continues Morgana's training because at some point Morgana has to become a High Priestess because canon. That or Morgause switches sides (this is a Beloved Characters Dont Go Evil AU might as well make it No Beloved Characters Are Evil AU) and she trains Morgana later after Arthur is a established King.

Morgause is overthrown and the Round Table formed. Arthur as well as several people in the castle know of or suspect Morgana of being a sorceress but he refuses to banish her, first believing it to have been out of her control (forced by Morgause) and later learning that her nightmares had been magic all along (how could he punish her for something he knows she had tried to get rid of for over a decade?). Perhaps he lets her keep the title of Princess, having always seen her as a sister (and someone who is compassionate for the people in a way royalty should be) and armed with the new knowledge of her being his actual sister. Everyone expects Regent Arthur to crack down on magic, its what Uther would have done and what the people want, so he does. Morgana becomes a advocate for magic, as she had been for Arthur in private as a Prince, and it scares people in the castle. They believe her to be working with Morgause, despite her arguments being for individuals' wellbeing and how punishments fuels hatred for Camelot. Several attempts are made on her life, many stopped by Merlin and Gwen and sometimes Lancelot. Arthur often "asks" Merlin for his opinion on magic and with Morgana's voice being public he feels okay with being straight with Arthur on what he thinks. Uther dies same as he did in canon: protecting Arthur from a assassination.

Mordred becomes a Knight because canon. Morgana is ecstatic to see him again and acts like a mother who hasn't seen her child in ages when she first sees him. Merlin has learned you often make the enemies that are destined to kill you (ex. trying to stop Morgana's visions from coming true) so he ignores Kilgharrah and doesn't hate Mordred (he is always wary though). Mordred alternates between childlike eagerness around the knights and following Merlin around while hero worshiping him (no one can figure out why. Their best guess is that Morgana is a mutual friend). In the beginning he kept messing up his name (calling him "Merlin" is just weird) and they often talk in their heads and therefore just stare at each other which has led to two conflicting rumors: theyre in love or they hate each other. Morgana often invites him to dinner, and when they dine with Arthur they easily slip into mind-talking (because chewing) and Arthur is convinced that they're making fun of him every time they do it. He protects Arthur when Merlin can't, often runs off to do side quests Merlin needs to do but cant get away to do, and often tags along with Merlin on his quests. Being able to share the knowledge of his destiny since Lancelot died (if he dies in this AU) relaxes Merlin's caution and allows him to be emotionally closer to him. Mordred enjoys being around Merlin and Morgana not just because he's Emrys and she's Morgana, but because they are the closest thing to home he has: they know what he is, they understand (bits) of his culture and make it possible for Mordred to share it with them, their individual magic sings strong enough to remind him of when he lived surrounded by it. He quickly grows to love them so very much and no one understands WHY. The knights tease him about it, and Morgana forcing Arthur to take Mordred on certain missions he isnt qualified for "so he can learn" does not help. Gwaine and Percival were planning to convince him that he couldnt compete in a tournament without a lady's favor because he's the rookie and his panicked look greatly amuses them only to find Morgana giving him her's before kissing his cheek. They were relentless after that, alternating between "lady's favors dont count if they're from your mom," "Mordred has a girlfriend," and whatever the medieval version of affectionately calling him "Bambi" is. Morgana sits in the stand's throne (since Arthur is competing) or besides it if Gwen is queen, and she flashes a smile at him when he comes out (Gwen too. He's a sweet kid with a baby face, of course he's one of her favorites. He also reminds her of Merlin when she first met him: kind, awkward, cute). This settles Mordred's nerves but has the unfortunate side effect of increased teasing. Merlin doesn't let it go to far, he never does, and gives them a distraction before running back to Arthur.

And then magic is brought back to the land and Morgana continues the work of the High Priestesses and helps the rebuilding efforts and they're still adventures and problems, but everyone Lives Happily Ever After

[sammy-gvf]

We get along (for the most part)

Chapter One.

OC x Lee Bodecker

Warnings: None for now. Just some cursing.

Plot : The local rebel badass girl and Lee Bodecker have had run ins, lets see how it goes, shall we? 

MINORS DNI !!!!! Eventually this story will get 18+. I dont feel like getting in trouble because of you. Thanks a bunch. 

Evan Rachel Wood ( Across the Universe 2007) 

( personally in my head this is what she would look like but you can interpret her anyway you want!)

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My name is Margaret Lane, well Maggy. 22. Born May 2nd 1947.

The resident bad girl, don't worry, I gave myself that nickname.

I have lived in this tiny, middle of nowhere town my entire life. Same people, same gossip.  There's no escape. No matter how hard I try, something always stops me. I live with my parents and little brother here in Knockemstiff, Ohio. My parents and I have a mutual understanding of “you go to work and come home and then we don't talk”, which is fine with me. My little brother is the only one I can really rely on. He is 17 years old and he is really the only person in my family that I can really talk to. I mean, I have friends but they aren't living in the same house as me. Not yet at least, we are thinking about moving out all together.

High school is where I built my reputation, of course. Used to sneak around with Arvin Russell, which led me to meet Lee Bodecker. Sneaky ass sheriff used to follow my every move, making sure he took every opportunity to bust Arvin and I any chance he got. 

Had nothing better to do than to bust on teenagers who were sneaking out to their parents, what a loser. Along with gaining some parking tickets and speeding tickets along the way, we became acquaintances. Thinking about the future, I was dying to leave this town. Never got the chance to after high school, hopefully I will as soon as i'm done college. 

 I can say whole heartedly that I do NOT enjoy Lee's presence. That man memorized my license plate number. Stops me all the time, for no reason. 

Flashback 

It was a warm saturday evening, about 7pm. I had just got some college work done. Figured it was too nice to just sit inside, right?

 I get up out of my bed and put my school stuff in my bag, walking over to my closet to put on a pretty yellow flowy dress and grab my leather jacket, that'll go nice with the breeze coming in through my window.

I put my hair up in a bun and slip on some keds, something easy ya know? 

I turn off the light in my room and walk into the living room where I see my father asleep on the couch, I walk over to the counter and grab a little piece of paper and write “going out for a drive, be back soon” and put in on the table in front of my father so if he wakes up, he knows where I went. 

I actually have a lot of freedom compared to other girls my age, many girls my age are looking for husbands and/or their parents are trying to set them up with someone. My parents know who I am, I was so against having an actual boyfriend so I just slept around. Obviously, people at church got wind of it but I didn't really care, to me men are there at my disposal. I play the field for my own reasons. 

I grab my keys off the door in the foyer of my little house and head outfront. 

I head down the steps of my house and waltz towards my red little 1964 Ford Mustang. Worked for it all by myself. 

Getting in the car, I pop a cigarette in my mouth and light it up. Keeping the cigarettes in my car was my best bet, my father would kill me if he knew I smoked these things. Turning on the car, I throw in a Led Zeppelin cassette, immediately Whole Lotta Love starts playing. What a good song to drive to. 

I put my windows down and start driving down a long road where I know for a fact no one drives this time of night, partly because they are afraid of the sheriff, Lee Bodecker. 

Lee doesn't scare you, never has. 

Blaring music at high volume was what you  were known for in these parts and you could really care less about the time and how loud you had it. Music is a really important part of your self expression. 

Speeding down the road, cigarette in my mouth screaming the lyrics 

You need cooling

Baby I'm not fooling

I'm gonna send ya

Back to schooling

A-way down inside

A-honey you need it

I'm gonna give you my love

I'm gonna give you my love

 I smile and listen to the lyrics, I feel like such a rebel. People in these parts don't listen to this type of music, devil music they call it. They think it has some deep down evil meaning. I just shake it off, they wouldn't know real music if they tried. 

 I could just leave right now if I wanted to. Drive out of town and start fresh, no one would miss me. Except my brother and friends. They are really the only people keeping me in this dead end town. 

The cool breeze enters your hair and you lose your hair tie. Fuck. 

“ Damn It”  You say as you put the cigarette down and try to look to see where it went. It's nowhere in sight. 

“ I have to pull over to get this thing” you think to youtself. It's the only hair tie you own right now.

you light another cigarette and pull my car over to a slightly darker side of the road. You get out of the car and start searching for my hair band, it had to have fallen behind your seat. 

 Of course, you saw familiar blue and red lights pull up right behind me.

“Fuck me” you mutter as you turn around, shut the car door, kick the dirt under your feet and lean up against the car , patiently waiting for Lee to take his good ol time walking to me.

Lee exits his police cruiser wearing the typical uniform with the typical toothpick in his mouth.

You watch him as he slowly strides over towards you and You roll your eyes at him as he eyes you down, prick.

“Well, well, well, Ms. Lane. Fancy to see you here.” Lee says smirking and laying one hand on your car's trunk. You scoff at him.

“ Hands off the car, Bodecker. Thought you'd know better than to touch what's not yours.” You say looking over at him, taking a drag of your cigarette. Lee scoffs and walks over to you, taking the cigarette out of your mouth and crushing it with his shoe. Your jaw drops and you look over at him in disgust as he chuckles at your reaction to his doing.

“Pretty little ladies like you shouldnt be smokin these, could make ya look ugly” He says. 

You can smell the tobacco smell coming off him, the smell of mints sticking to his breath. He is a little closer to you now, you back up and grab your pack of cigarettes out of the cup holder in your car. Bending over, the sheriff gets a nice view of your backside for a split second.  

“Sheriff, I would like to respectfully say I do not give a fuck what a man thinks about how I look smoking a cigarette, I am not here for a mans enjoyment. Also, one more pet name and I'm telling your wife.” you say as you light another cigarette and the sound of Led Zeppelin is lingering in the background, Lee clicks his tongue and looks over at you.

“Ms.Lane, you have quite the mouth on you. Not very ladylike for a woman your age.” Lee takes his hat off and leans against your car. He lights a cigarette and stands there for a minute. You look at him confused and you roll your eyes. 

“Lee, besides bothering me, do you have a purpose being here right now?” You look at him and say while you take a drag of your cigarette. Lee looks over to you and laughs. 

“Well, I just seen a car parked all by itself on the side of the road and I was on duty anyways but then I saw your license plate and figured I'd see why you, little lady, are out all by yourself at this time of night.” Lee says throwing his cigarette on the dirt ground below him. 

You turn to look at him and finish your cigarette, leaning against the car still.

“ I appreciate your concern, Bodecker. I am just out for a drive and pulled over to find my hair tie, it came out while I was driving. Pulled over to look around for it, don't want my hair in my face while I am driving. Also, not a little lady. I am grown.” You say turning away from Lee and finding your hair tie, you turn to Lee while tying your hair up, smirking you say

“ Goodnight Officer,also don't follow me again, yeah?” You say climbing back into your car and you slowly pull away.

Lee stands there watching as you climb back into your car, the smell of your perfume in the air invades his lungs, dumbfounded, he smirks and laughs to himself. 

“Smart girl” Lee says as he smirks and turns to go back to his cruiser.

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You had noticed sometime down the road that there was a car following you with no lights on, you had just assumed it was some random person but with one certain lick of light you saw the sheriff's face in the mirror of your car mirror. Figuring that out, you went a little faster down the road and then you lost your hair tie, you knew what was coming. 

You look in the car mirror to look at Lee. He's already turned his car around and started driving the other way. You werent dumb, you know from the years of Lee catching you sneaking out and drinking and or having boys in your car as a young girl, he knows your moves. It makes you think he patrols these parts so he can catch you doing something dumb one day just to cuff you up and get some control. He never does. 

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 Two people with reputations in this town. 

 How bad can it get?

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Hi everyone! Welcome to my first fic! Lee Bodecker is quite the character and I have been wanting to write him for a while. Dont forget to leave some opinons so I can know what yall would want to possibly happen! Dont forget to like/reblog! It would mean the world. I am not sure about my posting schedule but itll most likely be once or twice a week! also let me know if youd like to be added to my tags so I can let you know when I post another chapter! 

Tags- @please-buckme , @ladyfallonavenger , @buckysdolls , @nerdy-depressed , @do-not-pray-for-me , @unsentlettersandmore , @local-spacegirl , @youcancallmeishita , @not-another-fangirl​ , @angelicbabydolll

[thequeenb]

Poppy x MC

I know what you are all thinking..How the hell did us two even start dating? Well i never said i dont like her she is just always irritating damn it. It all changed one starry night when we had our first kiss, at first everything was confusing but then everything made sense

Our little fights, our intense make-out sessions, our unexplainable anger, our big confession. That's how things were since day one and how could i complain? But everything have been so secretive that it made me question if this is even real anymore.

"Now you should leave darling, Chloe will be here at any minute" Poppy waves a hand dressing up and i frown trying to show no emotion. Maybe i thought we were something, who wouldn't to be honest? When i told her that i liked her i thought it was mutual but boy oh boy was i wrong?

I sigh as i pick up my stuff exiting the room. I don't dare to say any word because i know my sensitive side will take over. What's wrong with me? I shouldn't have said anything in the first place but for once i said yes to taking risks

I plug my airpods in playing Apocalypse by CAS, surprisingly it's her favourite song and you know me, how could i not melt for Queen Bee? I walk around the campus remembering all the times i pinned her against these walls kissing her until she couldn't breathe.

What's the point anyways? I don't want to be anyone's secret, does she feel ashamed to be with me? Who cares what this university says if you truly have feelings for someone? I sigh walking further into the campus, its past midnight and it seems that i am all alone lost in my thoughts

I open my phone clicking on Instagram and of course they uploaded a story. Poppy, Veronica and Chloe enjoying a bottle of Rosé what a blust, except you had steamy sex an hour ago on these sheets.

It was just a hookup wasn't it? This question takes over my mind that i dont notice Zoe walking towards me

"Girl i was worried! You didn't respond to my texts" she says wrapping her hands around me. I squeeze her tight needing comfort and she strokes my hair whispering "It is Poppy isn't it?"

I sigh pulling back, sitting on a nearby bench. Of course it's Poppy, her and her manipulative ways. Great in the sheets but strangers on the streets, how charming

"She kicked me out because the girls were coming over, she doesn't want anyone to know about us"

Zoe's eyes widen "Are you kidding who would keep this a secret?" She gestures at me and i chuckle, A+ for the effort Zo. And she is right, i shouldn't settle for less than i deserve

"You are right--"

"I can sense a but and i don't like it. If she wanted you truly why is she being so secretive? And don't start with the reputation bullshit" she places both of her hands on my cheeks wiping away the tears i didn't know i had

Aaaand there goes a bright light making me go blind "What the hell?" I cover my eyes and Zoe does the same

"Gosh these people have miserable lives" she rolls her eyes standing up "Get your cute butt up and let's go get some drinks shall we?"

I nod smiling thanking god i have my best friend by my side. Without her none of these situations would be handled right and oh well i find her veeeeery pretty if you ask me

___

I walk towards my class when a sudden buzz makes me stop my tracks. At first i thought its my ranking update but oh no its an update from The T

Hello loves,

I want to thank my amazing sources for blessing me with something interesting. Newbee has been trying to steal the crown months now and along the way everyone started to look at her like that heart eyes emoji. Yesterday our Queen to be was spotted getting closer to our one and only Zoe Wade. I am not surprised are you? They have been a dynamic duo since day one. #couplegoals

Here is an image of them last night, don't forget to 'awwww' everytime you see them

My congratulations to the cutest couple of Belvoire. Kisses, The T

Oh no, no no no this isn't good. If Poppy sees this she will.. actually she has no right to say anything. Despite that my heart starts racing at the thought of her reading this clearly false update. Aaaand there she is, across from me glaring at me with murderous eyes. Everyone looks at me whispering and its honestly very frustrating, trying to avoid the crowd all i focus on is getting on my class that until my phone buzz again

"Meet me behind the field" I froze reading what Poppy just sent me and my mind is drowning with all the possibilities. Did i just fuck up even this little something that we share? God damn this blog and fuck all these people that all they care about is juicy gossip.

Do i even have a choice? Poppy will try to confront me no matter what so i might as well skip class, i am sure Miss Kingsley will understand, right?

I see her standing against the wall as i approach closer. She is tapping her heel on the cement and honestly? I am a little scared

"Hello, fancy meeting you here" i say smiling trying not to look nervous

She doesn't answer instead she makes the most angry face i have ever seen shoving her phone in my face. I swear if that red angry emoji was an actual person that would be her right now.

"What is this bullshit?"

"Oh wow calm down is that why i am skipping class? To explain to you something I don't even have to?" I fold my arms looking at her dead in the eyes. I am not usually the person who will let her anger get the best of her but Poppy's behaviour hurt me so this time i just let it slide

For just a second she looks confused but then she regain her composure "Zoe? Are you serious? This girl is a wannabe, just because her mother has money she thinks--"

"Wow wow pause there. Not another word about Zoe" i place one finger against her lips and her breath catches. Jeez can't you not be horny for a second? I think to myself

"Why? Did i offend your girlfriend?" Her tone is ironic yet jealous and you know what? Jealous Poppy might be dangerous but she is also very sweet

"I am not in a relationship with her dumbass" i roll my eyes pulling slightly away from her

"But the photo--"

"Oh boo-hoo someone took a picture so what? Do you believe everything you see? She was fixing your mess because if you were clear towards me i wouldn't sit alone crying" these words escape my mouth without my consent and oh did i just admit how i feel?

Poppy looks stunned and actually speechless. Her eyes soften and i look away embarrassed "What do you mean?"

Yes what do i mean? I ask that question to myself all day and night. I have been trying to get her out of my mind but how could i? The way her perfume makes me dizzy, her soft kisses after each session, the way she looked at me like i am the only one in this world

"I don't know where we stand. You are so secretive that I start to believe this means nothing" i shrug trying not to let any form of vulnerability slip out

"Bea i- i thought i was clear. I mean i left you several hickeys on your neck--"

"Oh hold up! Do you really think hickeys mean we are dating?"

She nods and thats when i laugh. Oh wow this girl is really unique i swear "That still doesn't explain why you have been secretive"

Poppy sighs heavily, clearly uncomfortable by my question. At this point I don't care, all i want is to know if i waste my energy and emotions on someone who doesn't feel the same

"I am not good with words okay? I just didn't knew what to say or do to show you that i want us to be official"

Surprised i smile taking her hand in mine "You are cute when you are jealous"

"Oh shut up, you aren't that special" she smiles back and it makes my heart melt

That's Poppy. She isn't good with words nor know how to handle emotions. She was taught to be heartless and competitive and i can see why she is being that way. Her way of words are insults and in this relationship that's how we communicate

"Come here" she says pulling out her phone

Without another word she leans against me planting a kiss on my cheek. She snaps a photo and for a minute i think she will upload it, a girl can dream right? Oh wait a minute..is she actually doing it??

"What are you doing?" I ask looking over at her phone

"Uploading a picture. I want everyone to know that you belong to me" she is typing so fast i cant read what the caption says but then i get a notification

"Mine" it says with three heart emojis, thats so adorable i can't help but actually say awww out loud

"Well i didn't expect that but i like being yours" i say winking at her

We kiss and this time its different. The minute our lips touch i can feel my knees go weak. We kissed many times and you way ask, whats different now? Well now i am hers and only and my mind can rest now knowing i have a powerful amazing woman by my side.

Tag list: @lolimugly @origmansello @greatestflirt-hero @mvalentine @otakufangirl-12 @sugarplumpnhoneybun @princessstellaris @coldbatfriendroad @indecisive-choices @i-loveeveryone @kiara-36 @ognenniyvolk @somewillwin @it-lives-in-braidwood-manor @ghalind @sergeant-pepper-loves-choices @dibberdipper @justastranger-passing @nydeiri @simpforpoppy

[thoradvice]

tw depressive thoughts, suicidal ideation, conversoin therapy mention, homophobia, death, anxiety, panic attacks, overdose

//

//

hey thor, if you could please tag this with those and more that you see fit, i wouldn't want to trigger anyone, thank you.

but i've been struggling the past year with a lot. i'm bisexual, and my parents are extremely homophobic and i dont doubt that they would send me to conversation therapy if given the chance. my papa, the only person i truly ever think loved me, passed away four days before my birthday in september. my anxiety attacks have worsened so much that i get them when i get below a 85 on an assignment. i have to take care of my two little brothers almost entirely by myself. my mother couldn't give a shit about me and i haven't seen my dad since he found out my mom was pregnant with another mans baby. that was two months ago.

i'm only 15, but i dont wanna be here anymore. the only reason i haven't done anything yet is because of my little brothers. they're the only thing keeping me here. i hate myself. i'm the spitting image of my mother and i cant stand to look myself in the mirror. all i see is her screaming at me, telling me i'm worthless and i don't deserve to be here in anymore. i held a bottle of the strongest medicine in the cabinet this morning, and i was so close to locking the door and taking them. i don't know why i sent this in, but i feel like i've talked so much to my mutuals on here and at this point i'm boring them, like they dont care anymore.

im going back to my therapist in a couple weeks, and i have a feeling i'll be put back on my meds. i just want this feeling to go away. i dont want to feel like this anymore. i want to be there for my little brothers and my soon-to-be little sister. i want them to see me as their strong older sister, not the girl who cant go three hours without crying.

i want to get better, but i don't know how to do that thor.

hi there, honey. i’m so so beyond sorry that you feel like this. please know that you deserve so much better. you deserve loving, accepting parents. you deserve a happy life. you deserve to feel good. i’m also gonna take this one point at a time, and give advice on each, because i think that way i’ll be able to give the most in-depth help.

it’s hard to deal with homophobic parents. it really is. but you don’t owe them your sexuality. you never have to tell them, especially if your safety is threatened. i know how hard it is to be closeted and to know that your parents won’t & don’t support you. but there is so much more than your parents. you will meet so many people who love, accept and support you for who you are, no matter what. i’m a huge believer in found family, and i believe that you can find your family. know that you’re not wrong. your feelings aren’t wrong. you will never be perverted or bad or gross for being bisexual. it’s so much more than okay to be bi. your sexuality is beautiful.

your mother is wrong. so so wrong. you’re worth so much. you’re a living, breathing person. that alone gives you so much inherent worth. nothing and nobody, including your mom, can ever take that away from you. there’s nothing that you or anyone else can do that will ever make you worthless and anything less than a person who deserves the best that life has to offer. you may look like your mother, but that doesn’t make you like her. from this ask alone, i can tell that you’re a loving, caring and strong individual. your mom seems the opposite. 

you do deserve to be here. so so much. you deserve so much more than you believe right now. i’m so sorry that anyone has ever made you feel otherwise, and even more sorry that you think that suicide is the only way out. i know that these words are easy to say, but they’re true. i’m not much older than you (almost seventeen) and i’ve tried to kill myself several times, more times than i want to think about. i never thought that i was worth anything, that i deserved to be here. i hated myself beyond belief and i saw so much of my past self in your words. i’m by no means recovered, and i do still want to die some of the time. but i know that i have worth, and that i deserve to be here. i know that i’m not a bad person, and that i’m loved. my point here is that there is a future beyond this. it’s only in the last eight or so months that i’ve begun to feel like this. hell, i planned a suicide attempt back in march. recovery is possible for you. please believe me when i say this. it will take time, and effort, and it’s going to be hard. but you’re worth it. you owe it to yourself - your eight year old self, your thirty year old self, and your seventy year old self - to give life a chance.

that’s good !! that’s beyond good. i’m proud of you for that. please talk to your therapist & be honest with how you’ve been feeling. your meds will almost definitely help with this, and you’ll start to feel better soon. if they don’t work well for you, you can ask your therapist if you can switch them. opening up to your therapist, though, will absolutely be the best step in feeling okay again.

you’re so strong. so so fucking strong. you’re dealing with all of this, and you’re still here. that’s amazing. you want to get better, and you’re trying to make that happen. i’m sure your brothers (+ future sister) treasure you and know just how strong you are. please know that i’m so proud of you. it takes so much strength to know that you want to recover, and to reach out like this, to talk about your feelings at all. you’re so loved and you’re worth so much. please come talk to me (via asks or messages. if you prefer other social media, i can give you my instagram) if you ever need anything at all. best of luck <3

[dearhaos]

bye bye 2020, hello 2021 !!

happy new year everyone!! there’s a lot of people i want to thank for making last year so much more bearable so i tried writing some messages for some of my dearest mutuals this year as well!! (keyword tried because i absolutely cannot put my feelings and thoughts into words. i love you all though and thank you so so so much!!!)

@angelhyunjin : angi!! i know you’re not on here anymore (actually i just found out . i ran to twt to find u as quick as i could!!) but it felt weird not?? putting you on here because you WERE a big part of my year!! i was always excited to chat with you and i rlly rlly loved (still do) seeing your art and your dance covers i can’t believe how talented at both you are!! you are really really lovely and even if it’s been a while i hope you know i still think of you and hope you’re doing well!! this year might have been hard but i hope 2021 will be much nicer to you because you definitely deserve it!! i love you!! 

@cinanamon : stephie!! i think we haven’t talked in a while until we started suddenly bonding over minho but all is well that ends well because now we are the founders of a minho cult and that’s all i could hope for in life i think! we don’t talk that much but seeing your tags in all the minho posts is always a TIME i absolutely love reading them! thank you for being there to lose it over minho, always, but also for being there in general! you are really sweet and i do love to talk to u!! i also know you are a really good writer so i hope 2021 brings you lots of inspiration to write more!! (and i’ll finally catch up on your fics too! hehe) happy new year!! 

@cocogoat : puppy !! i think we haven’t been friends for long actually and that sounds fake because that would mean there was a time i didn’t instinctively check your blog when i woke up in the morning (or the evening let’s be real)?? you are so! adorable and for what!!!!!! i really do love seeing you pop up in my phone notifs and reading your posts even if i dont have any idea what they’re saying half of the time unless it’s dgrp (i cannot believe i have a dgrp friend now. amazing i think i won) u are so funny and so cute and i’m really glad i got to know you because!! you’re such a nice friend that i! love! times can be hard but i hope 2021 is gentle with you because that is! what! you deserve! gentle pats and tight hugs! (maybe that’s why i associate ab6ix’s heaven with you it’s the gentle vibes) <3

@glossiers : miss bri i am in love w u that’s it. no i’m kidding that’s not it i have much more to say . i am in lov w u though #brillie2k21 i think. i think it’s been a surprisingly short time since we’ve actually started talking?? which is kinda crazy if u ask me because?? how the hell did i live my life without screaming BRIIIII whenever i see u on the dash like for real how . that sounds like a life so empty like. that would rlly be missing . something?? anyways u are a dear dear friend that i really really love and i’m sure you know that but i will keep saying it anyway! i’m sure i’m pretty annoying so thanks for putting up with me! and for talking to me! i feel like i’ve said it before but! you are a delight to see on the dash and i lovlovlov talking to u (and sending u pics of my cats, thank u for appreciating them). i still cannot believe u managed to convince yourself i was a hyeongjun stan though. hope i can be convincing enough to clear that up and leave no doubts in your brain this year. anyways i love you and i hope we can continue to be friends and talk even MORE this year!!!!!! happy new year ilu <3

@hwacinth : miss dia my sweet sweet floral nymph real life shirayuki and queen of urls! i am? so so so so so glad that we are friends you literally have my heart it is YOURS i can’t even try to claim it back!! you literally are shirayuki i don’t even know how to elaborate i think it’s just self-explanatory but you are just. such a sweet little sunshine!! it’s like you bring spring everywhere you go!! we could be in a middle of a metaphorical storm but when you appear the skies clear up and flowers bloom wherever you step and i cannot help but smile when i see you online!! thank you so so much for being my little ray of sunshine in these tough times! i hope to see even more of your posts this year!! don’t hesitate to live blog anything you watch in my dms if you feel like you’re posting too much (but i hope you never feel that way because you’re not . love seeing u live post it is absolutely amazing i won’t ever get tired of it)!! happy new year and i love you!! ps only 1 more hour until your birthday HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIA ILUUU <3 I HOPE YOU CAN HAVE A WONDERFUL ONE!! IM SENDING YOU CAKE TELEPATHICALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@hwisgf : sorinaaaa! happy new year!! we don’t talk that much but it is always nice seeing you around! you are vv sweet and i really appreciate that, thank you for taking the time to talk to me sometimes!! you are also probably my only fantasy mutual?? which is terrible on one side because i think everyone should stan sf9 but that’s besides the point . i really do love the fact that i at least have u to talk to abt sf9 if need and i LOVE seeing u in love with hwi it is absolutely amazing. i am forever grateful for all the free hwi pics days too!! <3 i hope 2021 can be a year full of happiness for you!! (also that is also besides the point but @ fnc i want an sf9 cb announcement) ILY!! (and so does hwi)

@inkigayeo : miss vivi galaxy brain happy new year!! we only started talking recently but u do have my heart already!! i hope this year treats you well and that we can get to know each other more and be friends hehe!!!! <3 (my other wish is for u to stop breaking my heart with those fake titles. please . why should san NOT come back explain yourself .)

@jeongcheols : mimi . mimi mimi mimi im literally typing this as u are listening to that ten n dj stage ok now it’s kai ok anyways . ANYWAYS i am loving your sm concert live commentary . criminal is sounding amazing taemin is insane indeed (yes i took a break before coming back to writing this) i truly don’t know what to say?? n i have to keep watching the time so that i can scream HAPPY NEW YEAR into the mic in 14 minutes. but like?? i love you?? like. like for real i don’t know what i would’ve done without you?? also it’s weird writing this for tumblr instead of just in your messages (also i can’t focus with idea playing. idea soty). and i mean. you technically know all of this but like?? i can’t believe we’ve known each other for so long but also such a short time at the same time like. what. thank you for being my bestestest friend and my soulmat i don’t think i would’ve been able to remain sane this year (and last year too honestly) if it wasn’t for you?? thank you for always listening to my incoherent rants and i’m always so sorry for spamming you while you’re asleep i know you must wake up to like 150+ messages with absolutely no connection between them and they’re all just so random i truly don’t know how you manage to not get annoyed and to just stay with me all this time i’m- getting emotional. you had a terrible year, i know it! i really do!! and while it might not be looking too bright right now, i hope the universe hears me and treats you much better in 2021 because!! you deserve so much more!! you deserve the world, really!!! i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (i would write more really but like what is there to say literally i’m just (your emoji)) i love you for real;;

@nakyngs : ele <3 happy new year!!!!!! we haven’t talked much this year but i do think of u a lot daily i hope you know that!! and i love u a lot! even if i still need to catch up on all your aus </3 i hope 2021 can be a fun and stress-free year for you!! and we should catch up sometime too!! ps i hope your fish are ok

@ncityzen : dear spring fairy!! i already sent you a new year’s message earlier today like what. 6 hours ago but! once again!! i really do hope you can leave the hard times behind in 2020 and only get the best things possible this new year!! i’m always very happy to see you appear on my dash and curious to see your life updates and your random literature-related mini-rants in the tags they are always very interesting to see!! so! hoping to see even more of that this year <3 i hope you know that i love you and i really care about you!!

@woojjongs : MISS IRI! i am screaming this very loud so hopefully u can hear me all the way in canada! okay i had to leave this one for last because i?? don’t really know how to start i’m just a pink glittery puddle with lil hearts flowing in it that is how i feel towards u right now . how does one think and how does one write down their thoughts coherently give me a second. this is going to be a mess maybe u shouldn’t read it (‘accidentally’ forgets to tag u). just know that i decided to play txt’s wishlist to write this and u might be confused by that but all u need to know is that it means i love you very much. OKAY so miss iri you are . such a wonderful pal i truly don’t know what i would’ve done without you like . it would feel so weird not seeing you around tumblr would be so so so so empty i don’t even think you can begin to imagine how empty i’d feel without you around here ksdjbskbds i absolutely adore you but we already knew that. i’m always super excited to see your gifsets and your nonsense!! be it your love for woojong or u missing lim jimin (play m.. 🔪) or your snoo brainrot or hating literally anyone on smtm or whatever else it might be i love it all!! you are so cute and adorable and talented and sweet and funny i cannot believe you also happen to be the prettiest person on earth too. how does that feel! anyways i love you so so so so so much? i keep telling you to hold back from committing crimes but i absolutely WOULD commit a crime for u i really do adore you!! i mean . how many groups did u make me stan . (ok actually i don’t think there’s that many. but STILL) i know i can be super annoying but thank u for taking the time to chat with me nonetheless!! i’m all over the place but . there’s times i come online literally just to check your blog nothing else! i hope we can continue to be friends this year too n perhaps talk more (or the same amount idk please tell me off when i’m too annoying)!! happy new year, i hope it holds wonderful things in store for u!!!!!! and we really are starting off great since victon comeback is approaching <3 (this got way too long i’m so sorry i’ll cut it off now before i write 10 pages)

@xiaocity : miss siya hello hello hello first of all i’m just so very glad that you’re back i l o v e you!!! i love seeing you around be it your gifs or your text posts which yes. i cannot properly understand half of the time but google is my best friend after all! you’re such a wonderful person and i’m just?? really glad to have you around like?? you feel kind of like a cousin i don’t always get to see but am always excited to talk to when i can? this might not make sense but. you are vvv cool and talented and funny and feel very like. reliable? i feel like i am not making any sense so like ignore me. what i’m saying is i really really like you a whole lot and i really hope we can talk even more in 2021!! happy new year, i hope it’s a wonderful one for you!!

@yunwoo : miss anna we haven’t been moots for that long and we haven’t talked much but u are vvv cute and i hope we can become (better) pals this year!! i’m looking forward to seeing u on the dash more often, hopefully!! happy new year <3

[thousandfourhundreddays]

Yours For Tonight. Pt 2

Michael Gray x Reader

Part One

A/n: Requested by @namelesslosers , “Part two please! This is amazing, Maybe one where he's already with Gina and the reader comes back to Small Heat? They never stopped loving each other and yeah... Anyway, tag me if you do please?”

The Morning After

“I couldn’t face saying goodbye for the last time, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I have to leave and I’m sorry that we can’t spend the rest of our lives together. I know I promised we would. I’ll never forget you Michael, the love that you showed me was possible, and I’ll forever be thankful for that. I’ll love you always, y/n”

That was the note you left for Michael the morning you left, taking one last look back at his sleeping figure before you gently closed his bedroom door, sneaking down the staircase and onto the cold, harsh cobbles of the street outside, ready to begin your new life in France with your boyfriend. Well... as ready as you would ever be.

Three Years Later

The sharp wind whipped around your as you stepped out of your taxi, taking a long, deep breath whilst you stood taking in your surroundings, the sleek black car vanishing back down the street. A small smile spread across your face as you saw the familiar blackish grey terrace houses that held so many memories. The dull, cold cobbles of the roads which ironically brought you so much warmth and comfort.

You were home... you were in Small Heath.

With no plans of where you’d live, or work, however truthfully, your husbands job left you quite well off so for now you could easily pay for a hotel for however long it took for you to find a house, you found yourself heading to the garrison.

As soon as you made your way through the sparkling golden doors, you caught eyes with Harry, his face lighting up with surprise. You sat and chatted for a good hour or so as he served the men in the pub, this is where you learned that Tommy had bought the pub not long after you left, explaining the glamorous new design. Sparking the topic of the Peaky Blinders, him raving about how well they were all doing which lead to you subtly asking how “Pollys son, that new lad Michael” was doing, which was how you were told he had moved to America on business for a while before moving back a few months later. The topic didn’t last long, you not wanting to seem suspicious so you let Harry briefly fill you in on how your mutual friends were doing.

After a short while, a few familiar faces, mostly friends from school and thier boyfriends and husband made their way into the pub as the day shifted into the evening. The garrison grew busier with time whilst you were bombarded with questions about your life over the past three years, the contry, the food, the people. You almost didn’t notice the door fly open and the faces of Tommy Shelby and Polly Gray appear in the doorway. You breathed a sigh of relief when they turned to make thier way into the back room.

That was until the door creaked opens once again, revealing the face of the man you once, a almost definitely still do love. Your breath caught in your throat as you stared at him, placing a cigarette between his lips and raising a match to light it. He lifted his eyes whilst tucking the match box back into his trouser pocket, scanning the room. Your heat skipped a beat as his chestnut brown eyes can’t into line with your y/e/c ones. It felt like the world stopped spinning, his face unreadable as you swallowed the lump in your throat. The buzz of chatter began to ring in your ears, fading into silence. To you, it felt like it was only you and him in the room. A shy, unsure smile flashed across your face, his astonished eyes softening in response.

Suddenly the noise returned to your ears, your heat started to beat and 1000 miles an hour and you watched a woman slip through the crack between the doors, her golden blonde hair glistening in the light. Her painted red lips raising to Michaels ear, whispering something which you couldn’t make out. Her hand making its way upto Michaels neck to get his attention, her burgundy nails gently scratching against his skin. On her finger, a ring.

You forced your eyes away and tears welled in them. Michael snatching his head in the direction of his wife and they also made thier way into the back room.

Your mind was riddled with questions and possibilities. How long had they been married? Did they have children? What was her name? Of corse you knew there was a possibility of seeing him, you weren’t stupid. You for some reason you hadn’t expected this.

You spent the next half an hour or so trying your best to act natural, a few wuenstioning looks were directed at you from your friends, which were returned with you most convincing smile.

Not long after, the Blinders left the back room, Tommy heading to the bar, Polly heading home, leaving Michael and his wife stood talking for a second before she ran to catch up with Polly. He stood searching the room for your face in the crowd of drunken men and tipsy women, after finally spotting you he gave a sly nod in the direction of the door, indicating for you to follow. You waited a minute or two to avoid any suspicion, and to prepare yourself for what was about to happen, before excusing yourself to the toilet and slipping out the out the pub undetected.

The cool air hit you, somewhat refreshing however due to your lack of preparation to be stood out in the cold with your ex lover at this time of night, and therefore your lack of coat, the cold soon hit your bones, causing you to warp your arms around yourself with a shiver.

You searched the darkness for Michael, only spotting him when the glow of a match lit up his face in a discreet ally a few meters away from the entrance of the Garrison. Letting out a shakey breath, your feet subconsciously carried you towards him.

You froze a couple of meters in front of him. You took in his appearance as you stared at one another. His eyes sat above light purple circles, he looked exhausted. His skin a little more wrinkled than when you left, obviously from stress. His hair gelled to the side, much smarter and professional than you ever remembered, must be to cover his tiredness.

“Hey” the simple word snapped you out of your thoughts, bringing your eyes back upto his. They were no longer bright and full of life, they were dull and mysterious.

“Hi” you said, your voice wavering slightly as you let out a breath you didn’t realise you were holding.

He offered you a cigarette which you gladly took, thanking him with a smile as you made your way forward, now standing opposite him.

A few seconds past before he broke the silence.

“How’ve you been?” He said cautiously.

“Not bad, you?”

“Yeah, good, thank you”

You stood in an awkward silence, neither of you knowing how to begin a conversation, or more like not knowing what kind of conversation to start.

Once again, it was Michael who spoke first. “What are you doing here, y/n?”

“Well, Iv got nothing left for me in France, let’s just say that.”

“What about...” he began, about to ask about your boyfriend before his mind assumed the worst. “Is he... ok?”

“He’s fine. Well...” you took a second to think of how to word your sentence. Do you lie? How much should you tell? You gave in, letting out a sigh, you continued “Prison.”

Michael raised his eyebrows in shock, your boyfriend would be the last person anyone would’ve expected to go to prison. A respectable lawyer from an honourable family.

“Yeah” you said, reading his expression. “Money laundering... got three years inside.” You looked down at th ground, for some reason ashamed of your partners illegal antics which you had absolutely no involvement in.

“And you didn’t want to wait for him?”

“Nah” your lifted you head to have another drag of your cigarette, as did Michael.

“You know how I feel about criminals.” You joked with a small smile, you were fully aware of what Michael and his family did for a living, and he knew that. A faint grin flashed across his face, giving you his good old, soft ‘shut up’ face as he let out a soft laugh.

“Didn’t expect that” he said, deciding to state the obvious.

“Yeah well he wasn’t as lucky as you lot, he got caught” Another giggle left his lips, you always knew how to make him laugh, he loved that about you.

“No, but seriously... I just saw my chance and took it, you know how I felt about him, I never wanted to leave. Anyway, here I am.”

He gave you a sympathetic smile, imagining how it felt to have to sail off to a new country, leaving everything you ever knew behind to live with a boyfriend you you’d fell out of love with.

His trail of though was broken. “So, what’ve you been upto?” You said solemnly, leaning back against the cold brick wall, preparing yourself for the conversation surrounding his wife.

Michael inhaled on his cigarette, needing to calm his nerves, he knew you had realised who she was when he walked into the Garrison, you weren’t stupid, he could see it in your eyes.

“She’s my wife.” He stated, knowing you’d catch on to who he was talking about.

“Congratulations” you tried to put on your best fake smile.

“I didn’t think you’d ever come back, y/n, honestly if I had any ide-”

“Michael... dont. You weren’t to know”

He nodded slightly, clearing his throat. “I still love you, you know” his voice was shy, laced with anticipation and somewhat fear.

“Loving each other was never the problem, mikey” you said softly.

“Yeah but now the problems Gina, and I-”

“Gina” you cut him off, reality hitting you now that you learned his wife’s name. He just looked at you, sadness set deep within his eyes.

“I’d do anything for you y/n, anything to have you back” his voice was barely a whisper as he stepped closer to you. His hand cautiously reaching up to cup your face. You leaned into his palm as you eyes glided shut, a tear escaping. “Look at me, please y/n”

You slowly opened you eyes to see Michaels only inches away, now glistening with tears of his own. Before you knew it, his lips were on yours, the connection which you had longed to feel for so many years hit you. The butterflies in your stomach, the slight dizzy ness that only Michael ever made you feel. It was all still there.

Despite your hunger for him, you abruptly broke the kiss, stroking his cheek, trying to hold yourself back. “I can’t do this Michael... your happily married” once again leaning into his touch.

“I’m not happy” he said bluntly, shaking his head as if to convince you.

“She is”

“I’m so sorry y/n, for everything” his voice filled with regret.

“Don’t be, please don’t be... Iv got to go Mikey”

And with that, you smoothly escaped his grasp and made your way out onto the street, the biting wind surrounded you once again.

You heard the faint calls of Michael shouting your name as you forced you self to keep walking. Leaving you both with tear stained faces.

Michael would have to go home to his wife, his mind submerged in thoughts of you whilst you lay in an estranged hotel room, drowning in thoughts on Michael.

PartThree.

A/n: hehehehe I’m actually SO proud of this :) @namelesslosers I hope this is ok!!

Remember my requests are always open!!

Instagram: @peakyblindersengland

Masterlist

Xox

[usertoxicyaoi]

hey faiza!!! i hope you've been having a good day so far 💕 i was scrolling through your replies tag (which i do every other week when i have free time bc you have a beautiful way with words and it helps put my mind at ease for a while) and i thought it was already past the time where i come here and express my gratitude to you (which i tried doing once before but i felt awkward and didn't want to be a nuisance (haha get it?)). ever since i began following, i've learned so so SO much. not only +

+ about the islam and all desi matters (that i had so little knowledge about, shame on me! it's a beautiful culture and i'm so glad i'm able to see a slice of and learn about it through your blog!!), but also about so many other things, whether it be lgbtqia+ topics, just perks of life and even how to be more conscious and educated about the things and pieces of media i consume. i'm just a teenager u kno, whereas you are already a grown woman, so i couldn't possibly compare us as equal, as you certainly have more life experiences and knowledge than i do, and we come from drastically different places; my view of the world is still so limited to my surroundings and where i come from, but it's within the internet that i find a place to learn more about others and make that view of the world be wider, richer and more mindful. god i feel like im derailing, sorry shdhajd, but my point is: i didn't expect to be able to learn so much when i began watching bls again this year, i thought i would watch the shows, follow some blogs for pretty gifs, and that's all. but i was wrong, because tumblr gave me the opportunity to meet and befriend so many incredible people and i was so lucky that you were one of them. i've said this before but, my tumblr experience is so much better whenever i see you on my dash talking about whatever it is, and i look up to you so so so much. i'm not a religious person but the way you talk about the islam, the Qur'an or Allah makes me feel so emotional and it's beautiful to see this deep and passionate connection you have with this religion. and just how incredibly articulated you are when talking about any topic, it always makes me stop scrolling and read all the things you write. i adore reading your thoughts, your opinions and your take on things because they always come from a place of reflection, appreciation and respect, and i admire that a lot. you have such a wonderful and kind soul, it's so inspiring to me to see how you always try to be positive, optimistic and respectful no matter what is in front of you. of course, we don't //really// know each other that well, but the little of you that you pour out and show us is already so beautiful and welcoming 💓 i'm gonna stop now i'm sorry that this is so long goddd i just.... i wanted to thank you for all that you do for those who follow you and how impactful your presence on my tumblr experience has been. (i swear to you, when you followed me back on this blog before i made the sideblog, i legit freaked out lmao my mind was "WHAT??? SHE, WHO'S SO CLEVER AND AMAZING AND TALENTED, JUST FOLLOWED ME? WHEN I HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER?? SJDHSJSJ WHAT" and tbh i still don't know What made you want to be mutuals but i'm glad for whatever it was 💞) i hope all the parts go and im so sorry it's so long shdnksjdj

dawn!!! hello my sunshine!!!!!!!!! i hope you've had a lovely week, and i hope this weekend you take some time off and relax! i hope you're doing well!!!

oh my goodness me i- what have i done to deserve this I DO NOT DESERVE this. thank you so so much for just. being so loving and you are so so wise, i READ your tags, i READ your posts. and i think, despite however old or young people are, there's something to learn from everyone. there's something to appreciate and pick up on and implement and become more aware of and about from everyone's story of life. so don't ever think you may not have much to offer!

this year's been hard. a lot has happened. and i think everything has been a lesson to learn from, and for us to really truly understand what it is that really matters the most to us, and to show gratitude for what we have, all the blessings we have. and its hard to stay positive all the time, and thats okay. sometimes, our sadness needs room and space also where its telling us to just ... take a moment and reflect on why the sadness is there. but i've become so .... adamant that i choose to go back and think positively again. bc although it feels like we've been stripped away from being physically social, i've seen how much goodness and humanity there is still left within people on here, within all my mutuals - and i realised that, as long as there is goodness in this world, there's no reason to give up on hope. people together can make so many things happen.

and part of, i feel, what people should be proud of, is being proud of who they are. not in the arrogant sense, but in terms of WHO you are. what makes you, you. and now more than ever we need to know about one another. about different backgrounds and cultures and religions and beliefs etc. we can become ambassadors of those things, and being an authentic source of knowledge for people. of course, not everyone may like that, but thats okay. knowledge is power and there's so much knowledge out there for us to dip into. by learning from another, we can truly enrich ourselves, find out about commonalities and similarities and differences and contrasts. and ultimately realise that every single one of us has the right to life and the right to live. we can share our sorrow and pain, and also share our moments of joy and happiness too. we may not all agree on the same thing, but that should not sway us from wanting to befriend someone and missing out on an opportunity to get to know someone, just because you may not agree on one thing. there could be 10 things you do agree on vs that 1 that you dont. and that doesnt stop you from being any less you, nor them being any less them. we all deserve respect and kindness, despite our similarities and despite our differences from one place, culture, religion or belief, to the next.

there is just. there is so much good in this world, in nature, in people. we need to celebrate that. we need to appreciate goodness and just. be thankful for everything we have, and anything we get on top of what we have, is a blessing.

thank you so so so much!!! i love youuuuu!!!! 🧡🧡🧡

[castaform]

All Qs please

Okay this is gonna be long, so under the cut

1. What’s your sexual orientation?  Full homo

2. What are you obsessed with right now? Pokemon and true crime vids weirdly

3. Ever done any drugs? nope

4. What piercings do you want? none ideally

5. How many people have you kissed? 5 or 6 I think?

6. Describe your dream home. Small, simple, kinda away from people if possible, and just filled with all my fav things

7. Who are you jealous of? No one really?

8. What’s your favorite show to binge? Kakegurui tbh idk why i often rewatch on netflix

9. Do you watch porn? I read it more than watch but yeah I guess

10. Do you have a secret sideblog? I did but not anymore but my twitter feels like a secret follow me on there @castaform​ 

11. If you could teleport anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

12. What’s one of your fantasies?either germany of LA to see my best friends

13. Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced? NO

14. How would you spend a million dollars? On pokemon plush tbh jngjkbtfjh

15. Are you in a relationship? Nope single pringle

16. Do you follow porn blogs?  yeeeeeeeahhhh

17. Are you angry with anyone right now? yeah tbvh

18. What tattoos do you want? None tbh but do sometimes think about a minior one

19. If you could change your name, would you? What would you change it to? To kai so its not my short name

20. What is something you’re obsessed with? POKEMON

21. Describe your best friend erm I dont have a best friend my closest are may and jenn and i love themm so much theyre perf and quirky in their own wayand we share one braincell

22. Tag someone you think is hot. iI erm idk anyone who i thought was hot still on here/

23. Who are five of your favorite bands/musical artists? Supercell, Florence and the machine, Amy winehouse, and most VGM

24. What are three places you want to travel? LA, Bochum and Japan

25. Describe your perfect Friday night. Sitting, on call with friends eating cinnamon rolls and playing video games

26. What’s your favorite season? Spring!

27. What’s your pet peeve? People who walk really slow for no fucking reason in the middle of busy areas

28. Who is the funniest person you know? Me

29. What’s the most overrated movie? my marvel film

30. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message. @that-one-support

31. Do you like paper books or ebooks better? paper

32. If you could live in a fictional world, what world would you pick? pokemon duh

33. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like? filled with pokemon shirts and simple plain shit

34. What’s your coffee order? I dont drink coffee

35. Do you have a crush on anyone? maybe a lil one rn

36. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes? nope

37. Have any tattoos? nope

38. Do you drink? rarely tbvh

39. Are you a virgin? nope

40. Do you have a crush on any of your mutuals? nah

41. How many followers do you have? idk its blocked out but last i knew it was 7.8K

42. Describe the hottest person you know.shredded af, kinda bulky, brown hair, babey face

43. What’s your guilty pleasure? anything cinnamon flavoured

44. Do you read erotica? if yaoi counts yeah if not no

45. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on? this guy basically erm just held my thigh non stop and didnt really talk

46. How many people do you follow? 300~

47. If you could marry any celebrity, who would you pick? idk greg chun i guess

48. Describe your ideal partner.idk just crazy about pokemon maybe kind toned

49. Who do you text the most? may and jenn and my irl friend craig

50. What’s your favorite kind of weather? windy!

[egyptroyal]

things a new (old/mutual/whatever) rp partner should know about me !

fun new meme here ! write 3-5 things a rp partner (or those who want to be) should know about you and tag 3-5 people! it should be related to rp and not to other interests.

I have a lot of muses all spread out on different blogs so, if I can’t choose one of your muses, I’m going to send in a meme for each of your muses. Out of my three primary roleplay blogs, there are four side roleplay blogs. Four of the muses being time lords and every regeneration - incarnation - is a muse of their own. Over at @themadvigilantist​ have 339 V muses, 89 Vin muses, 3 villains; sideblog @tardis500​ has 6 tardis oc muses, here, which is also a sideblog, I have 8 ocs, 12 canonical characters, 52 televised/comic/audio parody portrayals of the doctor. At @pennybraddock​, i have only 1 oc muse. At @drbabygirl​, i have 1 oc, and 4 canon characters. At @thebadtimewolf​, I have a singular time lord main muse with 15 human alternate versions of herself and one angel entity with @nosewitch​ being one singular side blog. Altogether, i have 533 muses, possibly more if I miscounted (or if the doctor ends up getting more that I missed then well shit, i’ll add them later as muses too. So, if you are someone that don’t want a spam of asks your way or thought I would just pick one muse out of your many, you are dead wrong on that and I might not be the blog for you. I’ll slap in a new muse left and right and then think I’m done only to add 20 more out of excitement just to forget about them later on. When I say I am excited to rp with you, I’m excited to throw a small village at every single muse you got unless you pick one first.

I am a very graphic and dark writer with the occasional smut (depending on the blog/muse), that does not censor or tone down their muse but, there are some limits. Just about all of my rp blogs deal with some very heavy subject material, which I tend to write out in great detail. This means you might come across descriptions of scenarios, that are very dark, graphic, disturbing or just drawn out as something that my muse realistically, no one would give/expect that kind of reaction towards in general. However, I have a limit and no, it’s not because it makes me unconfortable writing it, I just get...stuck. Okay, for example with my villain/neutral muses, I can’t write rape. I’ll write with someone that can write that particular subject but, I can’t write it myself because I don’t know how. Murder? You betcha and with detail. Torture? You got it and with trauma. Destroy an entire solar system while making the character feel wracked with guilt over the deaths of billions? Yeah, I can do that with detail on how it affected everyone else on a visual. Rape? Nope, nothing, same goes if you random anons want to just worse stuff, I can’t write it. Don’t know how, won’t know how. Now, that being said, I will never condone any of those behaviors that I describe but, if I can’t write it? Then pick something else. I can tag appropriately but, if my partner don’t tell me to cut to the next day or do fade-to-black in their following response, I’m going to describe that. Why I say depending on the muse is this: some of my muses are into fearplay/edgeplay but, the level where they were probably the reason some of their ‘interests’ are called risk-accepted consensual kinks which, for muses that are vile or evil, y’all gonna have to um, explain it that what you’re doing to them is not a dubcon situation but, a no-dont-get-off-on-this situation-this-is-my-scare-tactic. if you don’t, it’s gonna get real uncensored morticia/gomez real quick and you don’t want it. Other muses on the other hand will actually be scared so, choose (out of the collective 533+ muses) wisely. I’ll give you a list of who is in to what real quick, just ask/im me and i’ll find a generator that show just how much/little they’ll be into a thing.

I use either memes, open starters, greeters as an ice breaker but, also aiming to pre-established starters. So, I tend to make general starter for those that recently follow me in a way that anyone could respond to. I’m not shy to plotting but, for the most part, I’m just testing the waters. We can also im each other, send each other asks or whathaveyou. A jumping board that I might respond to one of your open starters or make a thread out of an answered post that you or I had sent to the other.

I don’t know how to godmod but, if you do it ...don’t be surprised that the muse is gonna fight back?? I only say this because I can’t write physical fight scenes with anyone because I’m so shit at those that I can now say that I have been accused of godmodding (2) twice in the span of a decade on this site by two ppl who (hopefully) live somewhere with free healthcare. Everytime I respond to how my character would counter an attack, there’s always that one person with their muse - that they are clearly in a fight scene - that only I get accused of godmodding out of nowhere. Despite when I look back at my responses on how I word things and I don’t see it (I still don’t. Is there an editor I can ask to look over and what I should reword here??) and the accuser fails to tell me to reword what sentence/paragraph to fix it where it’s not that. If I don’t get a response to what/where the specific bit in my response that made you think/came across as godmodding, then clearly you was godmodding too.                        OTHERWISE, WITH THE REST OF THE PPL I RPED A FIGHT SCENE WITH IN THE SPAN OF THE DECADE, THEY WERE JUST LIKE ‘OH THIS IS FUNKY AND FUN! *CUE TO US VIBIN OVER ANGST IN TAGS WHILE ALSO POKING FUN AT OUR MUSES AND SHIT*’ AND LIKE WE COOL SO MAYBE IT’S NOT MY WRITING STYLE, IT’S JUST YOU MISREADING THE TEXT PRESENTED TO YOU AND NOT ASKING ‘hey what you mean by [action/thing]? could you like rewrite that? i don’t get it, it didn’t sit right could you rewrite it?’ I’LL DO IT, I’LL FIX IT. HELP ME SEE WHAT YOU SEE?? INSTEAD OF JUMPING TO THAT ACCUSATION WITH NO EXPLANATION WHEN A THREAD DON’T GO YOUR WAY?? IT’S NO ANNOYANCE/BOTHER FOR ME TO FIX MY MISTAKES BUT IF YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT THE MISTAKE IS (while consciously choosing to just point out that in some part of our thread to say only ‘stop godmodding/that was a little godmod-y’ when a muse of mine don’t react/act indifferent to yours and their actions) THEN HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO GET BETTER, DO BETTER, AND BE BETTER IN MY WRITING WITH YOU IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE REPERCUSSIONS/REACTION OF MY MUSES CHOICE OF RESPONSE?? ok that’s out of my system                                  anyway don’t-don’t-don’t godmod but also, if you think im godmodding when i can’t tell where it is on either side ahahahah, u better fucking tell me which paragraph/sentence i fucked up instead of just throwing that word around when you can’t handle when muses don’t automatically shiver at the sight of yours. if anything, they already been there done that over it.

I’ll make a manip, gifset, draw our muses for our muses. I do that. I do that a lot. Ask me, I’ll do it. I’ll submit/send the drawing privately but, manips and gifsets: I put that on display. I will. Ask me.

Tagged by: @blindeddevil

Tagging: @city-full-of-ocs @idontdosecondchances @takumishinobi @paigeatyourservice @girl-in-the-tardis @followthedrums13 @gingersrockstheuniverse @destinybitten @lonelybxstards @theiracademydaysareover @theserpentsjester & anyone else that wants to/sees this

my entire mood @ #4 but, it was made at 3 AM and i don’t have the voice but, the vibe of yvette nicole brown because i got into community again

[bahannah01writes]

Lighthouse

This was going to be a flower fic, but I got mildly metaphorical and now it’s called lighthouse lol. Aaaa I know I haven’t written in forever and I’m far less than consistent but I’m hopefully still a decent writer and I will hopefully be uploading more and being here for you all more as well :) Thank you, everyone, for your continued support, I love y’all big time and you have no idea how much I appreciate it<3!! 

Kind of requested by this sweetie! @glorious-idiot I know it’s very late but I hope you enjoy, love! Also this may or may not have a part two because I feel like it could but I feel like it’s also good as is. Soooo tell me what you all think ! ^^

Warnings: Slightly Paranoid! Reader  

Send in requests!

Check out the masterlist here :)  

Tags: @kourt-kay @themarkiplierexperience  @let-it-go-and-live-again @skarletton @maximum-fander @randomboxofsadness @browniebri @amostpeculiarmademoisellerp @potteritis @kindasortagood  if you want to be on the tagged list,  just message me and it shall be done!

Enjoy!

11:56pm

Sent to moomoo:

are you up?

00:13am

Sent to moomoo:

aaaAa i dont want to bug but please tell me youre awake

00:28am

Sent to moomoo:

Markkkkkkk:(

     Sighing, you realize that you're alone for this one. You breathe in and out for a moment to try and calm your racing heart, but it seems to do very little. The voices from your TV acting only as a buzzing white noise in the background of your mind. You try to focus, eyes struggling to stay on the screen when they feel the need to dart and survey the room. Every little sound is sending your heart and mind into a panicked state. Feet grow cold and heavy, they keep you from moving whether you want to or not. Not unlike your voice, which appears to also be stuck and hiding from what may be around you. All you can manage to do is pull the blanket, your one layer of protection, tighter around your body in a hope that you can bury yourself from the world in its warmth.

     There was another noise from behind you. The sound of floors creaking only for just a second. In a swift motion, your head swerves to look in that direction and you swear you caught a shadow of a figure. Your eyes widen once again and you try to control your breathing. Hands grasping to get your phone once again, the screen illuminating your face in the dimly lit room as you debate what to do next. You lip finds itself between your teeth, a nervous habit showing itself in this moment of paranoia. You know you are making something out of nothing, but the fear you are feeling is nothing less than real.

     You needed to try again.

00:45am

Sent to moomoo:

Im scared, mark

please just call me asap, ok?

     Your cat stares at you from the other side of the couch. Her curious eyes inspect you and senses that something is off. Rather than letting her make her way over, you reach over and pull her into your lap, a meow of resistance resonating in the room. You ignore it and instead, try to pet your nerves away. She eventually settles and begins to purr, content with this odd situation as long as she's getting pet. You, on the other hand, are still far from content with your situation.

     Why isn't Mark awake? You know you tell him all the time to get more sleep but why must tonight be the one night he decides to take your advice?

     He was always there for you when you were scared. Honestly, he was one of the only people you trusted enough to talk to about things like this. Mainly because he and Amy found out after they insisted you stayed and watched horror movies with them for Halloween… but that's beside the point. They were both able to be your lighthouse that guided you through the fog of paranoia in the late hours of the night. Only, it seems as if you may be left sailing blind tonight.

     Until a certain name catches your eyes and becomes a temptation.

     A mental debate fills your thoughts with ‘yes’s and ‘no’s and yet, you click the call button all the same. Not truly realizing it at first, either. As the phone rings in your hand, you panic for a whole new reason and with a shaky hand, hang up.

     You shake your head and place your phone down. That’s when you notice that the room appears darker than before. All the little noises that you were temporarily oblivious to fade back into your world. The large glass sliding door adjacent to the couch, hidden by mere curtains that are lighter than the weight on your chest, feels like it has transformed into a dismal portal. You can feel eyes on you. But how many? What if someone is just waiting out there for you and has been watching you all along? And… what if they come in?

     Your breath catches, it is as if you can already feel their hands around your throat. Your chest rises and falls like the unsteady waves of the deep ocean, you feel yourself sinking into the unknown and losing your sense of security.

     Your phone rings and at this noise of a possible saving grace, your desperate hands reach to answer without even looking at the caller id.

     “Hello?” You call out, voice wavering from the anxiety that has taken hold of your body.

     “Hey, (Y/n). You called..?”

     Ethan. Your eyes dart for a moment, debating if you should come out with it. Instinctively, you go to pet your cat but you notice she had left at some point without you noticing. This prompts you to go forth and tell him after all.

     “Yeah, I did… Sorry,” You automatically apologize, feeling bad for the emotional strife you are about to reveal to the poor boy. You would normally not even dare tell this secret fear of yours to him in case it would somehow ruin your chances with the sweetheart, but the fear raising in your head outweighs such small concerns. You hear him dismiss your apology and a shaky smile crosses your lips and you continue with, “I know it’s late but, I… I’m kind of really scared, right now, Ethan.” And with that, a humorless chuckle leaves your lips. The feeling of weakness now mixing with your paranoia, what if he sees you just as weak as you feel?

     It’s silent on the line. You feel yourself sink deeper into the depths of your mind at the idea that he may feel just as you suspect.

      “Would you like to hear a story?”

      A story? You’re a tad perplexed but curl into yourself and nod, “I, yeah, I would like to hear one, I think.” Your voice is less than confident but all the same, just listening to Ethan tell a story sounds nice.

     You feel like you can hear his golden smile over the phone as his voice lights up and begins to tell a story back from his years in junior high. Already sensing that it will probably be one with him acting stupid or coming up with some silly and delightful plan, your heart begins to lighten. You close your eyes and try to work on your breathing as you listen, hanging onto every word that falls from his lips and into your ear.

     A distracted mind no longer swarms your thoughts with the nightmarish and impossible situations that it seems to fill with at night. Instead, it begins to clear and you realize that you have another lighthouse.

     About five stories in, the clock on the wall reminds you that you have been up for far too long. You interrupt Ethan, “Oh wow, I’m sorry, Ethan! It’s like almost 3am. I didn’t mean to keep you up this late-”

     “You realize if anyone is keeping someone up, it’s me right?” His laugh that follows is sleepy, making you smile softly and roll your eyes.

     “I’m the one that called you, though.”

     “Cause you were scared and it’s my responsibility as your friend to help.”

     Guilt tugs at your heart but you try to shake it off. Because he was right, friends help friends with even the silliest of fears. “Thank you, Ethan,” you say, almost whispering, still a bit embarrassed but also very grateful to this man you have in your life.

     “It’s nothing, you’d do the same for me.”

     There is another moment of silence, only this one is filled with mutual admiration and love for one another.

     It is his sleepy laugh returning that breaks the silence, “You feel better right?”

     “I do!” You laugh lightly along with him.

     “Good. I want you to try and get some sleep tonight, alright?”

      “Alright, and again, just thank you so much.”

      He hums in response, “Call me again if you ever get scared. If you ever need me to come over too, tell me and I’ll be there,” Ethan chuckles and is grateful that you can’t see the blush growing on his cheeks, “I’ll always do what I can to protect you, even if it’s just from the things that go bump in the night.”

      You thank you for the third time before sharing an exchange of goodnights and finally hanging up. The smile refusing to leave your lips as you feel your heart not only at peace but also in complete and utter bliss at his words.

      Maybe he really could be your new lighthouse.

~

So, I really hope you all enjoyed this!! :) It may be a lil obvious but this is slightly personal as I get super spooked easily when I am alone and it’s night and I always end up spooking myself further because that’s what I do apparently lol Anywayyy, I wanted to say thank you to you guys again :) Justttt aaa I know I’m not the greatest so to everyone who is still supporting me and reading my stuff, bless you all and thank you so so so much!! I will try to do better by you all!! ^^